tavi-calypso

[tavi-calypso]

I was going to get ready to cheese Flynt and ‘broke’ his into cutscene. Causing it to have music while playing.

I think it’s 10x better with the music

[tavi-calypso]

Bonks you with the tag stick @v1rtuald1va @dako-senpai (All my other pals have been @ already 💀

Challenging you all!

Put your music library on shuffle, then list the first five songs that come up in a poll to let people vote for which one they like the most!

Then tag Tumblr friends to keep the game going!

[tavi-calypso]

and with your help it can rack up 700k notes on tumblr in 2024

no tumblr this doesnt need tags im releasing it into the wild as god intended

[tavi-calypso]

In Genesis, God brings Adam all the animals of His creation to name. Can you imagine? That’s so cute! Imagine God walking up with a rabbit under His arm like, “what’s this one called?”

[tavi-calypso]

i cannot think about the last few missions of bl2 + fight for sanctuary bc i will just explode about mordecai and lilith's friendship. it is so so important to me. mordecai's anger and fear towards potentially losing lilith at the end of bl2 and lilith's worry about him in fight for sanctuary, plus her talking about how he comforted and supported her after roland's death,,,, agh. im so normal about them.

i CANNOT think about how technically mordecai was with roland the longest, since lilith went into hiding and brick was cast out of sanctuary for several years. can't think about how we don't really get any dialogue of anyone supporting mordecai after roland's death. the bl1 vhs make me ill

[tavi-calypso]

Lil Apex Tales: Bloodhound Balloon.

In honor of those teammates I forgot I had <3

It was cute the anniversary of Apex Legends with those balloons, I need them every year.

[Reposting from the Bird App] (March. 01 '23)

[tavi-calypso]

I'm giddy about Like The Wind being identified as if I had anything to do with it besides liking Youtube videos

[tavi-calypso]

vintage phone

[tavi-calypso]

One of my favorite genres of post

[tavi-calypso]

My phone glitched while trying to make a sticker so I had this stupid fucking photo of my dog stuck on my screen for a good minute and a half

I couldn’t get a screenshot because I was laughing my ass off in the car but here’s a recreation I made because I needed to immortalize this moment I was losing my SHIT my mom was concerned.

Yes he was slightly transparent. And yes, he followed me from my photo app im crying

[tavi-calypso]

1-Ball takes the cake for me. Adore 8-Ball and run him all the time so I’m bias.

This Fortnite event is actually so ass wtf

[tavi-calypso]

This Fortnite event is actually so ass wtf

[tavi-calypso]

[tavi-calypso]

OH MY GOD I FOUND IT

AFTER SEEING IT ON EMKAY I ACTUALLY FUCKING FOUND JT-

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

[tavi-calypso]

i’m obsessed with this

and then, two months later....

🥺

[tavi-calypso]

I KNOWW 😭😭 when it clicked in my head that it was you I went “it’s OOMF!”

I fucking found you on a gif website because my friend sent me a Troy gif-

HELP????😭😭😭😭 spotting me in the wild like a crypitd hello!!

[tavi-calypso]

ever just clap to flex on your one-armed brother