tamedandblind

[tamedandblind]

After moving to another country :

Mary Oliver, "Blue Iris." Devotions

[tamedandblind]

Andrea Gibson, Lord of the Butterflies

[tamedandblind]

Pretend, for example, that you were born in Chicago and have never had the remotest desire to visit Hong Kong, which is only a name on a map for you; pretend that some convulsion, sometimes called accident, throws you into connection with a man or a woman who lives in Hong Kong; and that you fall in love. Hong Kong will immediately cease to be a name and become the center of your life. And you may never know how many people live in Hong Kong. But you will know that one man or one woman lives there without whom you cannot live. And this is how our lives are changed, and this is how we are redeemed.

What a journey this life is! Dependent, entirely, on things unseen. If your lover lives in Hong Kong and cannot get to Chicago, it will be necessary for you to go to Hong Kong. Perhaps you will spend your life there, and never see Chicago again. And you will, I assure you, as long as space and time divide you from anyone you love, discover a great deal about shipping routes, airlines, earth quake, famine, disease, and war. And you will always know what time it is in Hong Kong, for you love someone who lives there. And love will simply have no choice but to go into battle with space and time and, furthermore, to win.

—James Baldwin, The Price of the Ticket

[tamedandblind]

20/7/2024

I've never been chosen

[tamedandblind]

20/10/2023

when you are grieving a dead lover you feel inadequate. Now they are perfect & you're still human.

When you are grieving a lover that hurt you, you feel like you are the best person that has ever walked this earth. And they are just human.

I wish you were dead

[tamedandblind]

I created so many versions of me

just to prove that I'm good enough

but it was always the wrong version tailored to the wrong person

maybe if they met me earlier they would have stayed?

I always tend to fix everything in hindsight

but whatever burns, burns eternally

[tamedandblind]

I came out of my mother's womb carrying hidden sins

they follow me, sleep next to me, comb my hair

Walk my dog

they kiss my mother every morning

they distribute cakes to the neighbors' children

We've been together for a long time...

Me and my sins...

We share everything

We have the same eyes, tone of voice, and photo of the ID card

We have Grandma's embrace, her stories, her mint sticks, and her backyard

My childhood friends don't know about it

The sheikh of the mosque knows nothing

Newspapers, newscasts, and my gentleman don't know either

Alone I try to shake them away

With a very thin body and prominent bones, I am not strong enough to do this

so they hide inside me forever..

Last night, I tattooed this naive saying by Baudelaire on my body

I waited for the flowers of his evil to grow in my veins

Dark evil flowers growing inside me

they dig up my sins and show them to everyone

In the form of a crowing crow

An ugly one-eyed owl

Nurse Riched

Dionysus and his cups

In the form of a dark blood moon eclipse

Or the sounds of angry dogs

In the form of a beautiful brunette dancer in a cheap bar

She has my body, the length of my hair, and my eyes

She is not good at dancing and her breasts are like two turtle doves

She thinks with every dance, “What if my bones were reformed to become a fishing hook?”

At the end of her day, she washes herself with cold bottles of whiskey, and her sins dissolve.

erased a little...

She walks surrounded by them, "This is me , entirely bad"

But as soon as she returns home and sleeps

She wakes up in the morning with a cup of warm milk next to her made by her mother and a small note next to it

“Surat Al-Falaq three times, may God protect my beautiful daughter.”

And so her mother ruins everything...

[tamedandblind]

1/6/2024

I crave someone to share my daily life with just so I can feel that I exist.

I crave someone who is kind to me because I can't be kind of myself.

I crave poetry, not the play on words kind but the kind that makes me feel something, anything.

I crave any human connection just so I feel like I'm worth living.

There is nothing worse than being loved unconditionally by someone you can't forgive.