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russellsppttemplates · 1 year ago

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Breathe for me (Pierre Gasly)

Y/N's anxiety has been building throughout the week and it finally crumbled down

Note: english is not my first language. As you maybe know by now, talking about these subjects is a big responsibility for me, but I always hope that I've represented it well enough. It is different for different people, so what I have here is a possible scenario and not the only scenario.

Tags: @myloverjk-blog

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

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Tw: mentions reader's anxiety symptoms which build up to an anxiety attack

You and Pierre had been invited to join his friends for dinner, and while you thought you were better from last night, things were showing otherwise. Walking around with your skirt unzipped, you tapped your tummy in hopes that the nervous feeling would settle once for all.

Things had felt off throughout the wholr day, it just hadn't been feeling right. And, quite honestly, the last thing you wanted to do was to go and sit through a dinner, pretending you were fully composed when, deep down, your mind kept racing and you couldn't shut it off.

It wasn't because of the company, after all, you had known them for a good while and even felt comfortable around them to the point where admitting what was going on wouldn't be an issue, but right now, Pierre seemed to be the only person you could be with and not feel overwhelmed.

"Amour, do you need- hey, are you feeling okay?", Pierre asked, noticing your nervous stance as you paced around the bedroom, "hey, talk to me, please", he asked, stopping you on your tracks and holding you in place as softly as he could.

"I don't know if I can go. I'm not feeling very well, so I think it's best if you go and I stay", you said, genuinely wanting him to go and have a good time, knowing you wouldn't be the best company right now and that this particular group of friends hadn't been together at the same place in quite some time.

Pushing you to sit on the bed and sitting next to you, Pierre laced his fingers in yours while making sure you were looking at him and taking in every word he said, "hey, we don't need to go. I can call them and tell them we can't make it, they'll understand", he offered, "I want you to be okay, no matter what", he said, "but you can go, I'll just stay here. You haven't seen them in a while and you don't need when you will all have the opportunity to get together again", you said. Finding today to be the date where everyone was available had been enough of a struggle.

"I'm not leaving you feeling like this. I'm staying", Pierre said, grabbing comfier clothes from the wardrobe and helping you undress, "we are going to have a cosy night in, how does that sound?", he asked.

After changing into comfortable clothes, you and Pierre stayed tucked in bed after he texted his friends, his arms protectively around you as you managed to relax a little bit, happy to stay in his embrace while he read a book with you.

"Do you think we can get that done until Friday?", one of your colleagues asked, "the client needs it for their meeting, apparently he's having dinner with the investors", she rolled her eyes.

"I think I can, but they should really stop and think about doing these things in such a rushed way, I mean, it's not the first time we're almost running against the clock", you reasoned back, booking another meeting with her to sort out the last final details before handing the project in.

The uneasiness feeling that had been with you since you woke up was not sitting right, so when you logged off your laptop, you decided that working out would be a good distraction and allow you to forget about it.

"Are you heading for a run?", Pierre asked you as he walked inside the bedroom, seeing you put on your sports bra, "I was planning on doing some yoga, maybe go for a walk after", you said, watching him walk over to the drawer where he kept his workout clothes, "do you mind if I joing you? I promise I won't utter a word", he smirked, kissing your cheek and changing from his day clothes.

You and Pierre arranged the room so you could lay the mats, pressing play on the video and doing your best to mimick the moves and positions the young woman was going on the screen. You weren't an expert by all means, but exercise had always been a good escape when you felt overwhelmed, and having Pierre with you, even if you weren't talking or touching, made you feel his support and attentiveness.

"Still up for that walk?", he asked as he handed you your bottle of water, "yes, I think so", you smiled.

Walking on that park had become a common thing for you, being almost able to walk with your eyes closed from how many times you had been there, "are you feeling better now?", Pierre asked.

By now, he had noticed your patterns and preferences, so it wasn't too hard for him to notice that your day hadn't been the best, "yes, thank you for joining me. I know you know you don't need to, but I'm happy you did", you sighed, "my deadline just became a lot more real, so I need to hurry. But I'm also aware I can't do much if I'm worried, so here I am, trying to shush the worry away, at least for a bit", you explained, feeling your boyfriend squeeze your hand in his, "you did well, amour".

Work was finally over, you had handed in your project and you thought it would make you feel at ease, that it would allow you to finally feel a little bit lighter, but it didn't. Your thoughts were still spiralling, and they didn't seem like they were on the way to settling down. Your legs started to feel tingly, and you didn't trust them to stay up, so you sat on the living room floor with your back against the sofa, letting your body feel the softness of the rug while your lungs felt like they couldn't get enough air inside them.

You closed your eyes, trying to regulate your breathing as best as you could when you heard a noise far away, approaching quickly as you could make out your name in what the person was saying.

"Amour, Y/N, hey...! Breathe for me, yeah?", said as you tried your best to follow his voice and block out everything else, feeling Pierre's hand coming to hold your own, the feel of his fingers very faint as you struggled in regulating your unsteady breathing, "Y/N, hey, hey, you're okay, amour. Everything is fine, okay?", he urged you to follow his voice, something you had mentioned before that always calmed you.

Encouraging you to breathe with him, you finally got up to his rhythm, looking up to his eyes and despite the worry in them, you also saw the calm that comes after the storm has passed. How it all seems too much, it bursts, and then you're just left with the aftermath.

"There you go, that's good, good, just like that", he said, sitting on the floor and sitting on your side so he could pull your body against his, seeing you were struggling to hold yourself upright.

You stood there a couple of minutes, your eyes closing for a little bit before you croaked a few words out, "can we go to the sofa, please?", feeling his arms go around your back and under your knees, swiftly pulling you against him and getting up from his spot, walking to the sofa and cuddling there with you, brushing your hair with his fingers.

"Do you want some water? A snack perhaps", he advised, "I'm just a little tired, but thanks", you smiled weakly, "you're alright, ma belle, take all the time you need".

You must have fallen asleep on your boyfriend's chest, because when you woke up he was still there, but the window was no longer letting sunlight in and rather moonlight, the TV was on what looked like the evening news and you could feel a blanket covering you and Pierre.

"Hey, you", he whispered, kissing your forehead as he helped you sit up straight, "are you feeling better? A little more rested?", he asked, brushing the hairs away from your eyes, "yes, I am", you smiled, "thank you".

"Those hadn't happened in a while", he pointed out, "yes, it had been a while. I've been able to manage it, but it just crumbled today, before I could get it together, it's just crumbled", you explained

"That's okay, it happens, amour. You're still very strong to have managed ti well, I'm proud of you", he said honestly. Pierre always made you feel safe and never once judged you, instead always wanting to learn how to help you when you needed him and how he could make things better for you. So he wasn't lying when he said he was proud of you and how far you had come.

"My throat is a bit dry", you said, getting up and being followed by Pierre to the kitchen, sipping on the water as he grabbed something to snack on, "do you want some food?", he asked, "no, I'm good", you stated.

"What happened that got you to have the attack?", he wondered, "I handed in my project today. It had been building the last few days, and I was so sure they would be gone by the time I submitted it", you shrugged your shoulders, "now I know what to expect", you smiled, wanting to comfort Pierre and erase the crease between his eyebrows.

"Do you want to go and watch a movie? There's a new Disney one I haven't seen yet", he changed the subject, having gotten the information he needed and looking for a distraction, "Lead the way, handsome".

#pierre gasly imagine #pierre gasly fanfic #pierre gasly x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader #f1 imagine

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sillyjokes · 1 month ago

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as if the pressure that barton was under to get away from the police wasn't high enough, the joker had to be thrown into the mix, barton thought. he supposed he should've known better than to think that a meeting in which a lot of gotham's rogues were attending was going to go right however. there was some serious tension between some of them, after all, as they'd ran into each other time and time again. but the kicker was that that wasn't even what set off the sequence of events that led to barton having to flee the place with the joker following close behind him.

this was presumably because he 'had to talk to him about something,' the madman had said a little bit too casually; like that totally wouldn't raise any alarm bells in the dollmaker's mind. but barton was past worrying about whatever it was that the joker wanted to tell him now, as it was revealed that the location of their meet-up had somehow been leaked to the GCPD. and this was of course through a massive display of force, seeing as they dispatched about a dozen officers in total to try to arrest them all.

... with mixed results. the thing was that barton and the joker were able to get out of the place, but losing the two officer's that were on their trail seemed to be a lot more complicated than it should've been. they had sprinted their way through a park, multiple crowds in public, as well as went through several restaurants just to try to get away from them. but they didn't seem to want to give up. a groan slipped through barton's lips as he struggled to think of how they could get out of this without being sent back to arkham - though thankfully, an opportunity placed itself in their laps without them even realizing it.

there was a party going on in a house a little ways away from them and they'd ran right into it with a little bit of a head-start from the cops. thankfully, the people inside (whom all seemed to be in college) thought that the joker was just one hell of a cosplayer upon seeing him, and he wasn't wearing his mask which made things slightly better for them. but barton was about 90% sure the cops saw them go into the house which meant they needed to do something to 'blend in' desperately with them. the fact that, after someone in the party announced that they'd be doing body-shots next and that they should participate in it, however?

it made him feel this sense of almost primordial dread, because they might just need to do that to not call attention to themselves when the cops got there. oh... the things he had to do to survive out here sometimes, barton thought. he clapped his hand down on the joker's back hard then before making strained eye contact with him as he said, ❝ ahh, you know what? that sounds like fun. me and my friend here will do it, ❞ barton felt like one of his eyes was about ready to twitch, but a body-shot was just a body-shot, right? its not like it meant anything.

there was some cheering from the people in the party and that admittedly made barton forget about how close they'd have to get for a moment. which he was thankful for, to be honest. barton spoke to the other through gritted teeth then as he sat on the counter where they were going to do it, ❝ okay, dear friend of mine, just because i am volunteering to be the one that has the alcohol poured on them doesn't mean you get to pull anything. so only do what you have to for those pigs out there to not think twice when they see someone doing a body-shot off of someone — got it? ❞

(JSJSJ alright, but i thought this would be an interesting scenario for them to be in for that post you liked about getting a starter related to body-shots so i hope this is alright! plus... i thought it'd be kind of funny if they ended up in like a college party or something, so here you go LOL)

𝖨𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖩𝗈𝗄𝖾𝗋 𝖿𝖺𝖼𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝗀𝖾𝗍 𝖺𝗇�� 𝗉𝖺𝗅𝖾𝗋 𝗂𝗍 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝖻𝖾 𝗇𝗈𝗐. 𝖧𝖾 𝖼𝖺𝗇'𝗍 𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗋𝖾𝗅𝗒 𝗀𝗋𝖺𝗌𝗉 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖽𝗈𝗅𝗅𝗆𝖺𝗄𝖾𝗋 𝗂𝗌 𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗌𝖺𝗒𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝗁𝗂𝗆 𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝗇𝗈𝗐. 𝖧𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗌 𝗁𝗂𝗆 𝗍𝗈 𝖽𝗈 𝖻𝗈𝖽𝗒 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝗍𝗌 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗁𝗂𝗆? off of him? 𝖣𝗂𝖽 𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝗈𝗌𝖾 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗆𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝗋 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗒 𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾. Because it certainly looks that way right about now. 𝖭𝗈𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝖺𝖽𝗆𝖺𝗇 𝗂𝗌 complaining, or 𝖺𝗀𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗌𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗂𝖽𝖾𝖺 𝗈𝖿 𝗂𝗍. 𝖡𝗅𝗎𝗇𝗍𝗅𝗒 𝗌𝖺𝗒𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽𝗇'𝗍 𝗆𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝗂𝗍 at all. 𝖨𝗍 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝖻𝖺𝖻𝗅𝗒 𝖻𝖾 𝖿𝗎𝗇 too, 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝖻𝖾 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝖿𝗂𝗋𝗌𝗍 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾 𝖽𝗈𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗂𝗍 to anyone. "It does?" He glances up at him. Now the 𝖩𝗈𝗄𝖾𝗋 𝖽𝗈𝖾𝗌𝗇'𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝖽𝗈 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗁𝗂𝗆𝗌𝖾𝗅f, as he 𝗅𝖾𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝖺𝗇 𝗅𝖾𝖺𝖽 𝗁𝗂𝗆 𝗍𝗁𝗋𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝗋𝗈𝗐𝖽𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗉𝖾𝗈𝗉𝗅𝖾.

𝖦𝗋𝖾𝖾𝗇, 𝗉𝖺𝗅𝖾, 𝗂𝗋𝗂𝗌𝖾𝗌 𝖽𝖺𝗋𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗋𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖽 𝖺𝗇𝗑𝗂𝗈𝗎𝗌𝗅𝗒. 𝖲𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝗋𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖿𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝖼𝗁𝖾𝗌𝗍. 𝖧𝖾'𝗌 𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗀𝗈𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝖽𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 isn't he? 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗂𝗍'𝗌 𝗀𝗈𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗎𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝗋𝖾𝗆𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝖾 𝖽𝗂𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗁𝗂𝗆. He will tease him about it, that's for sure, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖩𝗈𝗄𝖾𝗋 𝗂𝗌𝗇'𝗍 𝗀𝗈𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝗅𝖾𝗍 𝗁𝗂𝗆 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖿𝗎𝗇. 𝖨𝖿 𝗁𝖾 𝗂𝗌 𝗀𝗈𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗍𝗂𝖼𝗂𝗉𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌. 𝖧𝖾 𝗂𝗌 𝗀𝗈𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝖿𝗎𝗇 𝗍𝗈𝗈. "𝖲𝗅𝗈𝗐 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗋𝗈𝗅𝗅 𝗆𝗒 𝖢𝖫𝖤𝖵𝖤𝖱 𝗆𝖺𝗇. 𝖨 𝖽𝗈 𝖺 𝖻𝗈𝖽𝗒 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝗍 𝗈𝖿𝖿 𝗈𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖽𝗈 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗈𝖿𝖿 𝗈𝖿 𝗆𝖾 𝗍𝗈𝗈? 𝖽𝖾𝖺𝗅?"

𝖧𝖾 𝗂𝗇𝗊𝗎𝗂𝗋𝖾𝗌 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝖾𝗒𝖾𝖻𝗋𝗈𝗐𝗌 𝗋𝖺𝗂𝗌𝖾𝖽. " 𝖡𝖺𝗁, 𝖻𝖺𝗁! 𝖨 𝗀𝗈𝗍 𝗂𝗍 𝗌𝗉𝗈𝗂𝗅 𝗌𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗍 " 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝖺𝖽𝗆𝖺𝗇 doesn't 𝗇𝖾𝖾𝖽 𝗁𝗂𝗆 𝗍𝗈 lecture 𝗁𝗂𝗆 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗂𝗍. 𝖧𝖾's 𝗌𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗂𝗍 𝗈𝗇 𝖳𝖵. "𝖫𝖺𝗒 𝖽𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝗈𝗋 𝗀𝖾𝗍 𝗀𝗎𝗍𝗍𝖾𝖽," 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖩𝗈𝗄𝖾𝗋 𝗀𝗂𝗀𝗀𝗅𝖾𝗌 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝗏𝗈𝗂𝖼𝖾.

( no it's absolutely amazing. I think this would be hilarious too. The Joker would forever tease him about this moment though )

#asks answered.#i hope this is okay!#the joker #mad hunts

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leviackermanscleaningbuddy · 1 year ago

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#ask the pack! Apart from the altercation between jisung, noona, and he who shall not be named, has there been any other times where the pack had to set some ex’s straight? Bc the thought of some ässhole alpha trying something with innie or lixie would light me up man

"Like most people, a lot of us have a less than stellar dating history." You wince, thinking back. "That's not to say we haven't all dated a lot of great people that made us into who we are today, but there were definitely some big ass mistakes sprinkled in there as well."

Minho snorts. "You can say that again."

"To be fair though-" Chan points out. "-most of past said mistakes, or relationships, have been just that-in the past. I don't feel like since we've become a pack that we've had to do too much damage control or telling people off for not respecting boundaries."

"There have been a couple times though." Changbin interjects, and Chan nods.

"Obviously there's always gonna be people who don't want to see you happy, that miss the control they once had over you, and they're gonna be toxic no matter where you are in your personal growth or relationships. That's just life."

"Besides my run in with Jisung's less than savory ex," You say, holding up a finger as you see Jisung ready to interject. "I don't think I've ever had to get too crazy with anyone."

"You're not even a little bit sorry." Chan remarks with open exasperation on his face.

You shake your head with a little grin. "Not remotely. I'd punch that asshole in the face again, and harder, right this second."

"Bravo." Minho remarks with a smirk in your direction and a lift of his brow.

"Changbin threatened some alphas that were being inappropriate at the gym once, they followed us to the bus stop." Hyunjin remarks, glancing to the alpha appreciatively. "But we didn't know them. But it's nice to know the alphas have our backs, in any scenario."

"Of course, Jinnie." Changbin purrs, grabbing the omega around the neck, pulling him in for a tight hug, even as Hyunjin makes a show of struggling.

"A lot of our exes are actually still in our lives as good friends." Chan shrugs. "Hwasa-one of (Y/N)'s exes-and obviously Seonghwa, who dated Minho for a bit."

"Some, however, are not." Changbin raises a brow, his face growing serious, brows dropping into a scowl. "Hyunjin dated a real piece of shit for awhile while we were heat buddies."

Hyunjin rolls his eyes, but looks contrite. "Okay, okay. Bad decisions were made. I see that now."

"Sure you weren't just jealous?" Jisung teases Changbin, who turns his scowl on the beta.

"No." You shake your head, interrupting before Changbin can get any words out. "He's right. He was an actual piece of shit."

"Yeah." Changbin clenches his hands into fists on his lap, looking slightly murderous. "Asshole tried to come over one night with some of his buddies and scare the shit out of Hyunjin. Wouldn't take no for an answer, started to bang so hard on his door he called me in a panic, thought they were gonna break in. They were playing some sort of game-some 'big bad wolf hunting the little scared rabbit" shit. Hyunjin was terrified."

Your wolf growls at the memory. "Changbin called me on his way over, told me to meet him there. When we got there, Changbin grabbed the asshole by the collar of his jacket mid bang on the door, and demanded they tell us what they thought they were doing. Claimed it was just a drunken joke, but Changbin was seeing red at that point, and for good reason, and the guy's goonies cleared out pretty quick when he broke his nose with his fist."

Hyunjin places a a hand over Changbin's. "Thanks for saving me, hyung."

Changbin's eyes clear a bit as he glances over to the omega. "Always, baby."

"I didn't really date before I joined the pack." Seungmin shrugs. "But I remember once Chan-hyung had a crazy ex come to the studio looking for him."

"Oh god." Chan groans, pinching his nose. "Yeah, that was a thing."

You laugh a little, placing your hand on his thigh. "Seungmin, Felix and I happened to be there that night when she showed up, because we were bringing him dinner."

Felix grins. "She barged in, flames in her eyes, and when she caught sight of me and Seungmin, she looked shocked."

"Mind you-" Chan raises a tired finger. "We hadn't dated for a good three years at this point. Apparently someone told her I had written and aired a song about her, which was entirely untrue."

"Anyway-" Seungmin gives the head alpha a dry sort of amused look. "-She started screeching and demanding he take down the song, and hyung looked like a wild animal cornered against his desk as she stalked toward him."

You giggle. "He did, huh? He was big scared."

"I was not!" Chan protests. "I was just caught off guard, that's all."

"So anyway-" Seungmin continues, shrugging now. "I just straight up stepped in between them and told her it wasn't about her."

"Just like that." Felix giggles, pointing at the beta. "Dead ass stepped up and deadpanned, 'The song isn't about you. It's about Felix.' And then he pointed to me."

"She stopped, mid rant, and her eyes went wide, and then she looked between Chan and Felix and gasped out, 'oh my god, you're gay now?'"

Chan groans, rubbing at his reddening face with the palms of his hands.

You grin, sharp teeth and mischievous, and pat his leg sympathetically. "And then I stepped out from behind Felix and said, 'Nah, he still swings both ways, he's just not into you.' And then I gave her a little wave, and I swear to god, I have never ever seen anyone's face go that red that fast."

"Except Chan-hyung's." Felix points out helpfully, laughing now.

Chan lets out a choked sort of sound. "For the love of god, can we please stop talking about me?"

"Never." You chirp back cheerfully, leaning over to press a kiss to his red cheek.

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casablancarossa · 1 year ago

Text

Dream of me a little longer ... a taemin x reader scenarion

Help because I haven't been able to shake this scenario off my head and I'm resurrecting my tumblr to get this weight off me TT TT

Pairing: Taemin x female!Reader Genre: Fluff? maybe a little of Angst ? Warnings: None, just mild language. W.C: 6k+. I know it's long... Author's Note: Yes okay it's long, I promise its a nice lil moment. And I could not be bothered to split into two chapters. Some text is in blue.. it's implied it's spoken in Korean. Heavily written after watching Metamorph concert and listening to "I think Its Love"

☼ Sometime in the past... ☼

"Hey, Lee Taemin! Come on! We need to board the plane!"

A young woman called out, waving over a kid with plush cheeks and soft eyes and roughly tussled hair. Their hurried steps through the crowd of people made you turn your head, before looking up at your mom who was making sure you wouldn't get knocked down.

Fortunately the nimble boy, managed to avoid bumping into you but running straight to his brother with a cheeky grin, boasting about how agile he was to getting back to them but was questioning, where they were going. His mom sighed, looking her two boys, ruffling their hair stating they were going to surprise their dad who went off for a work trip.

Whilst the conversation went on, you felt your mom nudge your shoulder. "Hey y/n, look at that boys bag, he must be a senior to you!"

Sure enough, you followed her gaze and saw that this boy and you had the same backpack that had the school logo sewn into the shoulder strap, however judging from the wear and tear, the boy looked to be just a bit older than you. "Such a sweet girl, is she going to Kyunghee Elementary School too?", the boys mom asked.

Your mom stood there a little bit taken back, unsure how to form her words. She struggled with the language unlike you, and your dad was fluent, but had left minutes ago for the toilets. You could see that the other woman was also flustered, and quietly whispered to themselves trying to form an English sentence to re-communicate.

"Yes auntie! I go to school there too next month!!", you interjected, unaware your mom was flipping through her notebook looking for her practiced sentences.

"Oh! Your Korean is...very good! Ya, Taemin-ah, say hello, she goes to your school", the older woman chirped happily, encouraging her son to step forward and say hello to you and your mom.

You dad finally popped up beside you, breaking through the queue forming as he pecks your head and inquired what was happening. From what you bothered to listen to or tried to understand, you posited that the Lee family were on the same aisle as you and your parents and offered if you would like to swap seats so you could sit with the boys and play with them for the period of the flight and your parents did not seem to mind.

The younger of the two stepped forward, it was the boy with the school backpack.

"Hello, I'm Lee Taemin..."

"Oh, hello, I'm Y/N..."

☼ Sometime before May '08... ☼

You slumped back into your chair, twiddling your thumbs as you sat in front of the monitor screen. You were staring at the empty chatroom, unsure how to type your message. Sighing, you shift yourself in your seat staring down at the icon on the screen turning from grey to green. Danggit. Why is he online..., you thought to yourself.

TM: Oh I finally caught you online.

YN: Yeah... was just talking to my friends about homework..

TM: How is school?

YN: Did you hear? Boys from your year are saying that they know BoA eonnie through you.

TM: I haven't even spoken to her yet. All the sunbaes are busy...

A dry smile curled from the corner of your lips as you continue to type, passing conversations here and there. Despite having a conversation with him, you thought back to the years leading up to now.

~~~

Taemin rushed through the streets on his little bike, scarfed and bundled up, quickly waddling and knocking at your front door with much urgency. Your mom had answered the door for you, but you weren't too far behind, peeking around from behind, offering him a little wave. He quickly pestered you to get on your bike and take ride around the area with him, subtly implying he had good news to tell you before quickly bribing you with your favourite ice cream and salted egg snacks.

Hanging out with him was easy and it really didn't take much convincing on your part to drop anything and go out with him. If anything, his mom encouraged it as it was one of the rare times Taemin would be very sociable and free to express himself. Although the reason for why he had to drag you away from your studies, has yet to be explained, you carefully followed behind Taemin, who was acting fun and carefree, whenever he got excited about something. You watched him not even come to a full stop before he bounced off his bike, singing to himself.

During summer, you had spent nearly everyday with him, dancing in his living room while both of your moms were busy with their quarterly kimchi-making marathon in the other room. Sometimes, you would sing too and he would sit at the floor, staring up at you happily, excited that he was part of the rare few who could hear you sing so passionately. Taemin was more of a dancer and he was good at it despite not having any professional lessons. You could tell he was going to be great one day. Even then you could see, you were just a passing star around his sun.

It wasn't until the music room had been fully finished in your school, that following fall, that you would catch Taemin very late in the evenings, practicing piano, claiming that he would need a musical skill and he wasn't sure that his dancing or singing would get him there. When his mom brought home a keyboard, he would endlessly harass you to watch him play a new piece he had learnt and asked your opinions, if it sounded too rushed or felt off-key.

Days would go on, where Taemin would play the piano for you and you would sing for him and it was your own little world with him before the realities of school would come knocking.

You shook your head, waking up from your little reminiscing daydream as Taemin bounced out with a bag full of goodies in his hand. The pair of you drove to the nearest playground, and he begins to recount of a story about him dancing with other people in front of a panel of judges before being interviewed and you only listened on, in wonderment, wondering internally what this meant for Taemin as he had be purposely vague. The young boy didn't fully elaborate on what happened but seemed to be excited for this new chance he might get. The surprisingly warm afternoon shifted to the familiar brisk winter evening, and before you knew it, you two decided to walk the bikes back to your home, throwing the vehicle on the yard before running to the window to let your mom know that you have arrived. Her head spun quickly smiling, standing to walk towards the window with an open box in hand, commenting that you and Taemin might as well be busy and start crafting, sliding the jewellery making kit box out the window. You and Taemin began to meticulously design bracelets for each other from the kit, sitting at the covered front porch, staring at the sky as the first snow was about to stick.

"Hey y/n, let's swap..."

"It's literally the same bracelet"

"Yeah, but this way, I made yours and you made mine. Think of it like a pinkie promise, to be friends forever, support each other through everything, be with each other until the end"

"Sounds stupid.. and serious, but I like it. Okay call."

~~~

That was almost 2? No, maybe 3 years ago now. It didn't take long before news spread around the school that Taemin had auditioned for SM Entertainment and managed to get in. Everyone teased him about how he might find a pretty noona to date there instead, or how he might get fame to his head and forget all about his friends in school. Taemin did get bullied here and there, but that came along with the fact he was about to be a star. He remained adamant he wouldn't forget anyone. He repeated the same sentiments towards you when you teased him about it and he huffed quietly, more hurt that you would also think he was capable of forgetting you.

Much to your surprise, he really didn't. Despite seeing of him less as he focused on training, you were the one person he constantly checked up on. If you weren't at home, he would ask your mom if he could leave a letter, usually left on a scratch paper and very hastily scribbled messages. He would have encouraged you to join the scary world of the internet because he found a new site where you can message each other and keep up to date with what is going on in each others lives. More often than not, it would be Taemin that had more stories to share, which was way better than what you believe to be, is your very boring mundane life, focusing on your studies.

And you did follow through anyway, creating an account and adding Taemin by the username he left at the end of his last letter.

. . . .

TM: Earth to Y/N???

YN: Huh?

TM: It said you were typing for so long, I thought you had slept on the keyboard :D.

YN: oh ... no ... sorry, mom asked me if I could hang some laundry in the room.

TM: Ah, so... you're coming with my mom right?

YN: it's in a few days right? I wouldn't miss it... What are your hyungs like?

TM: Annoying TT TT

You smirked at the screen before dropping the forced emotion, realizing, Taemin's not there to question the sad look on your face. Your head turned back slightly to see the half-packed suitcase on the floor along with scraps of scrunched up paper, filled with drafts of apologies to Taemin.

The temptation to just tell him the truth right there and then would be all too relieving but by the time you had shifted your attention to the screen, Taemin's profile icon was greyed out and he had left a solid paragraph about his plans to work hard and have everyone including yourself be proud of him, he ended with a goodbye..

... Y/N-ah, wear our bracelet okay? So I can see you in the crowd. I know you'll be front row anyway, but just in case you get stuck behind someone. Missed ya you stupid face! Please cheer me on .

☼ Sometime during '12... ☼

"Hey Dad, you sure I can drop the luggage here?"

"It's your old room, be comfortable" , he yelled from downstairs, his voice growing distant, exiting the front door to grab the rest of your luggage.

You open the sliding door, seeing a more smaller and emptier room than you imagined. A roll of thick futon laid in one corner, along with the rest of your sleeping amenities, a handful of pillow and a very comfortable thick blanket. It genuinely smelt like happier memories, back when your mom and dad decided that Seoul was going to be the last stop and nothing in their career could make them move. Not yet an adult, but grown enough to understand the circumstance which led to your dad coming back to Korea full time and your mom back home with a busy law career and more importantly, finally allowing you to travel on your own to visit him.

"You sure I was the only person who stayed here?", you half joked, knowing full well that your dad had been offering spare rooms to his workmates during late night after-work drinking sessions.

"Eish... if you are going to be like your mother, I won't rescue you from spiders..." he mocked back in a sassy pouty tone.

"I'm kidding, but seriously though... try not to spend life alone.." , you mumbled, looking at your father, who looked half the man he was. He had gotten more frail in the years, probably since no one was home to make him home cooked meals, and he was grey around the edges and a little paler compared to you, but you had his eyes, which were full of light and passion. "Mom is waiting for you back home..."

The man stumbled past you to drop the remainder of your bags, which was on oversight for a 2 month visit, but packing like you are there for a much longer duration. He ruffled the top of your head, making light conversation of how you and your mom were back home and began asking if things you wanted to do in the summer.

Nothing came to mind about plans. If anything you wanted to open your old messaging site and see if any of your old classmates were still online and if they remembered you, would they still like to meet up? But the nagging voice in your head kept on telling you, not to login. What if he left messages? What if he is still leaving messages...

You had asked your dad if you could borrow his laptop in the meantime while you unpacked and thankfully all the keycaps were in familiar alphabets as your grip on the Korean language had decreased in your time away, but hopefully it was enough to reconnect with some old friends.

There was hesitation in your fingertips on why you didn't want to click on that login button. So much weight behind one action. Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath in, taking that leap of courage, you navigated towards your unread messages.

He had not been online for over 3 months, but that is the maximum display of how long a person was last seen. It could be over 3 months at this point. His last message was also from that time.

TM: Are you well? Me and the hyungs are practicing again for our comeback. It's going to be exciting. TM: You know... it feels like we are a team now. TM: Are you still singing? TM: Do you still read these messages? Y/N-ah. Reply soon okay? I'm no longer angry at you.

You scrolled back to see, he had been sending messages every few months, some of them were sad, some were filled with anger and mildly insulting languages. A scoff managed to escape you. Wow, you really are a man now Taemin. A set of paragraphs caught your attention.

As per, hot blooded teenager goes, Taemin had cursed you out for not showing up. He blamed you for not enjoying his debut stage and being made fun of his hyungs for not having his friend support him. He continued to say that if you were going to disappear, you shouldn't have given him hope that you were going to show up, after the long months on not being able to meet up because he slept in the dance studio often, much to his mom's disappointment. Taemin caps off the message wondering if his mom ever gave the CD to your dad.

CD? You don't remember such thing. Granted, you and your mom were the first to leave Korea, but your dad, for as long as you recounted, had stayed in the same address.

"Appa! Do I have any old items in the room?!", you screamed from your room, perking your ear out from over your shoulder.

"Yes! Check the wardrobe."

Scuttling towards the sliding door of the closet, you quickly brush it open and see a stack of old clothes. minor household items, and a random shoe box with random Doraemon and Hello Kitty stickers adorning the sides. Bingo. You inspected the box first. It looks like no one has touched it in years and there was this crisp crackling noise as if it had been tightly glue shut, but the glue had worn off.

In it was a collection of items you used to collect, stamps, arcade tickets, cinema tickets and an assortment of handwritten letters, all done in Taemin's writing. Did dad save these? At the bottom, was a thin parcel with aqua coloured wrapping paper. It had the signature of Taemin and 4 others with the message 'We hope to see you soon', ending with a love heart. Without opening it, you assumed it was a copy of their first album, an album that you currently have sitting in your bedroom back home with other SHINee related items.

Yes, you were a full on Shawol and you would be stupid enough to have Taemin as your bias. But you supported from the back, because Taemin was right, you were just downright despicable for not saying goodbye to him even when your mom encouraged you to leave the letter to his mom, who was 20 minute bike drive away.

No one knew where you had went; the ambiguity between your parents meant that your dad was not bothered to inform others where you had been whisked away to, as long as he got updates that you were safe and smiling. The door to your room slid open quietly. He leans across the frame, seeing pages scatter around and the CD in its wrapping beside you.

"Maybe it's because he doesn't recognize me as much, but that kid comes by the neighbourhood often and walks slowly when he passes by the building...", your dad's words were comforting. "I know it was mostly your mom and his that were friends, but I had overheard him ask about you and your mom around the neighbourhood, guess people didn't forward the message to me at the time.."

"It's okay appa... it's for the better that he doesn't know..", there was a defeat in your voice. "I was such a bad friend to him..."

Your dad clicked his tongue before rolling down his sleeves, almost as if he just said 'Come on, lets go out'.

And you did. Instead of taking the car, the two of you had opted to take public transport and walk around for the afternoon. Seoul had changed so much in the years you were gone. It felt like a completely different city. The air was different and contrary to popular belief, there are little nooks around the area that seems quiet and slow, like a brief relief from the bustling main road.

However this meant, you could hear it clearly, SHINee's Sherlock playing in stores to lure fans in to buy from their stock. Bright as day, you heard his voice. He had improved so much with his singing that he did sound like Jonghyun. Or maybe, it's because his voice dropped, but you knew his lines and its like being back in his living room, on the rare occasions he did sing, you would listen.

The pain wracked through every muscle in your chest. Taemin paid extra attention to you when you were younger. Hung onto every word you said and would follow through every promise he made. There was time he used his pocket money to buy you snacks for lunch because you had your "bad Korean tongue days", wherein by you embarrass yourself since public speaking was not your strongest suit and reading a block of Korean text was as daunting as the time you had to explain to his mom why he got injured, falling off his bike on your behalf.

Ah, the true pains of puppy love, you thought to yourself as you continued to absentmindedly walk beside your dad, who was nudging you this whole time, asking if you wanted to investigate the commotion down the street.

It had been apparent that there seems to be a film crew nearby and shocking amount of high school girls roughly around your age, squealing in excitement. You had pushed through halfway into the crowd with your dad, still unaware of what was happening, although the soondae soup restaurant you wanted to go to was just after where the crowd had formed. You might as well be nosy and see what the fuss was about.

Well didn't curiosity kill the cat, when you heard a name being screamed from behind you.

From across the crowd, 5 good-looking guys where strolling with a camera man following them and a host with cue cards and mic, interviewing them. It was Shinee in the flesh, but more importantly it was Taemin in the flesh with about 25+ raging teenagers in between you two, but no doubt he was the same petite frame, trudging along the back, behind his band members, camera shy and playing that extra coy, innocent angel look towards the fangirls.

Soon, unbeknownst to you, you had been slowly pushed through the crowd, now walking in the inner circle that surround Shinee and film crew. But this is a blessing in disguise was just few feet away and you could probably grab onto your dad and drag him out of the pandemonium.

"Ah appa! There's a gap here, come on we'll miss the special lunch menu!" you managed to shout, but to your detriment it had caused Taemin to turn around.

His eyes flittered around, scanning the group of people before him, thankfully the crew had stopped walking and were interviewing Shawols on the street. He could hear the sound of his heart beating in his ear. That voice, it struck and resonated in him, it took a while to focus his eyes at the general direction of the sound that stirred him.

There amongst the crowd, two hands holding in the air, someone from the other side trying to drag their dad back out of the group of people, on the wrist of one, was a lilac and green beaded bracelet with a cat charm in the middle. His eyes darted down to check his own wrists and just as he expected, buried in the dark earth toned bracelets, his stylists made him wear, underneath hid an identical bracelet albeit in alternating colours to the one he just saw but it had a cat charm too. His flipped the charm with his index fingers, revealing the very rough and badly embossed marking on the back, revealing your initials, same as the way your charm would have his initials too.

☼ Sometime after now... ☼

"Sonyu eonnie!! I'm here", you eagerly called out for you friend as you rush down the steps of the arena.

You looked around and saw that bar a few stragglers, the venue looked like it had just been recently emptied as the clean up crew haven't even began brushing confetties off the floor. It was a pretty big venue too and that impressed you a lot to know that it was packed judging from how long you waited in the car park for, to let the exiting crowd to reduce.

In a stretched out booth were a bunch of monitors, scattered and tangled wires, all set up to keep an eye on the concert, control mic levels, music levels and lightings. Your sunbae from an old school sat in the middle, smiling from ear to ear as she waved you over but yelling to be careful and not trip over any rogue wires.

"Oh? Someone looks like they had a good work day. How was the concert?", you chirpped, taking a seat beside the hagard looking woman who was slumped back into her seat with cables in her hands.

"It went great, no accidents, things ran smoothly, Taemin sounded nice too"

The inner corner of your lips twitched at the name. "Shinee's Taemin?"

"Oh are you a fan? You should have told me! I could have gotten you in for free", her words caused panic inside of you.

The last time you saw him in person was at a fan-sign event. Boldly wearing a mask, you stood at the front row to cheer him on. You may not be as close as friends, barely even acquaintances, but you had bumped into his mom, weeks prior, saying how delighted Taemin would be to see you and offered a ticket that she was going to give to friend's daughter. When you asked it to be a surprise, she didn't utter a word to her son. When it was time to line up and have a poster signed, you quickly turned on your heel and ran away. You also knew, he probably didn't recognize you, despite the minor scene you had caused that did get the Shinee members' attention.

You went out of your way to find Taemin's mom, who still lived near the area you grew up in, and apologized to her for not following through with the plan to surprise Taemin, and asked if she could just not tell Taemin that you were around. She was quick to beg if you had any way of being contacted by Taemin. She promised that she would be discreet in how she would drop the topic on him. You hmm'd and haa'd at the prospect before stating that you had been staying at the same address since you were a kid, being generous enough to leave a note of the address in case Taemin or his mom had forgotten.

After that encounter you never really heard from Taemin for almost 6/7 years? His mom had been in contact quite recently, after bumping into your mom when she visited Korea and the communication has been somewhat regular.

Sonyu eonnie, nudged your shoulder trying to get your attention. "Hey hey, some of the staff are going out to eat and maybe drink to celebrate. Do you want to join me?"

You weren't going to turn down food and drinks, so you nodded and waited for her to get ready, calling over the other PD-eonnies who were part of the crew that was going out to eat. It didn't take long before a crowd gathered all talking about what food they wanted to eat and where was going to be empty enough to host a big group.

Ever so slightly, the formed group would attempt to make it out of the hall, now suddenly being probably the last of staff to get out as the clean-up crew had already finished minutes beforehand, and you were happy enough to be able to partake in conversations and the staff were so welcoming towards you.

By the time you guys had walked through the double doors that led to the hallway with the staff exit, the group gathered, waiting for everyone and whether a decision had been made within all that ruckus. You and Sonyu kept on insisting for soju and barbeque, giggling as suddenly everyone suddenly craved for barbeque and began to speak to about their favourite cuts and how their respective partners were good and grilling meat.

In the chaos, you didn't notice it, but some of the staff members began bowing and waving towards the other side of the hallway.

"Well done Lee Taemin. You worked very well! Thank you for working so hard!"

Echoes of along those line were all cheered out and you followed the gaze of the crowd and Taemin was smiling and waving back, thanking the staff members for all of their hard work and for taking care of him. But even then, he was distracted, because he knew, he wasn't imagining it. He knows that you know that he can recognize you. He has been staring at you and tried to stay calm about it.

As if you were teens again, time stood still and he couldn't believe his eyes but he even second guessed himself, unsure how to confirm it was you, his childhood friend, someone he thought would be there for him until the end.

With the spirit and mood being so high, you could partially make out that the staff was inviting Taemin to come out as well and the remaining SHINee members who had stuck behind to leave with Taemin. You shook your head as if to say, you didn't want Taemin to agree to join, because that would mean you had to interact, it would be rude not to. Before another comment could be made, you were hurriedly whisked away, Sonyu dragging you to your car and quickly searching the BBQ restaurant on her phone.

It wasn't a far drive either, but hopefully you could eat in peace without Taemin nearby, knowing that your stomach wouldn't settle at all with the anxiety going through you. Sonyu patted your shoulder inquiring how you were and you replied that you were fine.

"I'll stay in the car for a bit and just let dad know where I am, if you can go in and get our order in now, we don't have to wait for me", you told your eonnie, which she took at face value, hopping out of the car and rushing to her friends.

You really didn't know how to make of the situation. Abandoning your friend would not make a good impression with the rest of the team, however, acting like Taemin doesn't exist in front of everybody might make everyone think you were downright crazy. It was a coinflip and at the point your stomach had growled so much that you decided, Fuck it. I will eat a whole pig.

As you prepared to get out of the car and close the door behind you, a voice, loud and clear spoke up.

"Y/N?"

Maybe if you pretend you don't know who he is calling out, you could still walk away from this place. So much for some soju and BBQ tonight.

"Y/N please, do you remember me?" Taemin repeated chasing after you a bit before darting forward to block you next step, with his arms wide open. "I know you know I recognized you"

"I'm sorry but you must be tired" you denied the allegations, before ducking from his spread arms. and continued walking the opposite direction of the restaurant.

"You're breaking mom's heart over this", he yells out, causing you to spin on your heel.

You have always held his mom with such respect, she was indeed like your second come whenever you were back home in Korea and from your impression, Taemin's mom never really brought up Taemin or the idea of contacting Taemin on your behalf and was content in keeping in contact with you from time to time, along with your mother. So to you, it was an insult to you that Taemin has claimed that you have hurt his mom's feelings.

"Are you really going to make a scene in public?", the bewildered stare in your eyes was enough for him to stand down, knowing a crowd would form if they recognized him through his cap and mask. You hissed through gritted teeth. "Besides, why do you care?"

"You were my best friend, the only one who didn't... ", Taemin paused before closing the distance between you. "Yes it was ages ago and I have tried to heal from it, but school? Training? My so called buddies? They were hell. You were the only friend I had who understood"

There it was. He still had it, the crack in his voice that pulled at your heartstrings. There was no point in denying that you had closely followed Taemin as a celebrity, and even more so recently when he has done lives and spoken to fans. Taemin was so bubbly and happy and maybe it was just for show to the fans, but deep inside, did you really take the façade in its face value. Like he said, you were the only one who understood his struggles before he developed friendships in the company. But why now, did he make you feel like the balance of his happiness and sanity rested on your hands? "Come on Taem, it's been what? 15 years? More?", there was hint of pain tangled in your voice.

"And you think mom hasn't shared stories? You think your mom didn't tell her the stories of you supporting me?"

"Oh-- so now it's a crime to be your fan?!"

"No..."

"Then what do you want from me?"

"I just wanted you to come back! You could have contacted me, instead you made mom hide the fact that you two have been talking" he rattled, trying to suppress how loud he was yelling at you. "I needed you in my life and you didn't think of asking me instead of asking about me"

A struggled laugh managed to break from your throat. You had been facing off with someone who for the most part was your idol, your celebrity crush and not as your childhood friend or as your childhood crush .The irony was not lost on you that plenty of girls would kill to be in your shoes, to hear Taemin scream, he needed them in his life. But he was right, nothing was stopping you, but you feared even a friendship with him, would rattle the fandom and hurt you.

Your stifled laughter, caused Taemin to roll his eyes and let out an angered growl. pacing in front of you, trying to scan the surroundings and whether the interaction had generated public viewing, but it has been relatively quiet, any passer-by maybe just assumed that the two of you were a couple fighting.

"Like I said. it has been 15 years. I don't really think there anything for us to go back to", you muttered defeatedly, finally looking at him in the eyes, while struggling not to let a tear fall.

He bit his lip. You hate it when he does that. He rolled his eyes, quickly moving to grab your wrist and pulling the sleeve of your coat further up to you elbow. "Then why are you still wearing it, if you don't care?", he says while lifting your arm up. Surely within view, on your wrist and his, were similar bracelets of lilac and green with a very worn out cat charm. Taemin's initials were decorated on your charm while yours were on his, although you noticed it seemed like Taemin had gone over the carving, to make it stand out more, whereas yous was faded and blurry. It took a lot of strength to not buckle where you were standing. It was embarrassing to admit that you never took it off unless you were going into water. It didn't matter to you that it clashed with outfits or looked out of place with the rest of your accessories. It was the only trinket that reminded you of a happier time with him. A time that you got to share with him. A promise to be there for him, even if you were away. Like you always said and thought. I'm just a passing star in your sunlight Taemin.

Your breathing had slowly picked up, it was causing your heart to almost implode within you. Dammit. There can't be waterworks, not now. The tension was different and sharp enough to cut through skin. This caused you to raise your head slightly, looking at him with teary eyes, almost pleading with him to not press on the matter further. What right did the two of you have to pick up where you left of. Both now older with years of stories, characteristics and emotions that it felt impossible to catch up on all of that, for what was puppy love. There may be tension, but the way his eyes meets yours lets you know that you were on the same page, the same emotional wavelength, the same questions. You two were only kids back then, but had you stuck around or come back sooner, would Taemin try for something more? Would you have allowed him to? Would he have fought for me, if it went any further? His fingers finally release and the grip on your wrist drops. "You know, when I saw you at the arena, I almost went crazy", he began, dancing around his words. "It's like my heart was about to burst", his own breathing had began staggering as if what he was about to say would cause a panic attack, "I never forgot you, I hated you when you left, because it's like you pulled the support plug away from me before I had a chance to breath. I hated you because for years, I dreamt about you randomly as if you were here and I thought I could distract myself from it, but I could not. I hated you, because I never got a chance to love you."

So direct, so raw, Taemin laid his heart out right in front of you, his eyes burning with passion holding tears that would eventually cause him to come undone, but he was staying strong, his resolve to admit to you how heartbroken he was and not understanding at what capacity he held you in his own heart.

Your own desires reflected his own, granted a bit biased, but you had never let the fact you admired him a celebrity clouded the fact that you did wish, that you fought your own mind sometimes, to make the push to interact with Taemin all those years ago. You questioned the words that fell from your lips, almost catching them as they left.

"Well I'm here now!" you exclaimed, relaxing your body and opening your arms out slightly, as if it was to taunt the man in front of you. "What will you do then? You can't expect me to believe you after all this --- ".

Taemin didn't falter in the next few moves. As quick as you announced that you were indeed there and present.

"Give me a chance, to prove that this is real--" he began and before you could reply, his hands had cupped your face, pulling himself towards you and plant a kiss on your lips. It was timid but not of his own volition. Like he was holding back. Like he was restraining so much passion within him to not weigh the kiss. Like he was respecting you enough to let you know, you could pull away anytime if you didn't like it.

But you did. it was like the thousand unspoken words between the two of you were finally said in a single kiss. Not necessarily deepening the kiss, catching your breath momentarily, but definitely going for another, and you had found your body leaning in and up, your fingers cling onto the sides of his jacket sleeves, gripping tightly. Taemin's hand wander to your back, pulling you in, his own hands clawing at your jacket. The silent agreement that you both feared losing each other was loud for anyone to see. When you finally pulled your head back, your eyes met him and there was a peaceful happiness in them, because you both knew, you did kiss him back with as much intent and need. "You know, we have a lot to catch up on, I don't think we were the same kids as before", you mumbled at him, fixing the collar of his jacket.

"Yes but now we are a bit older and know what we want, what we are like. We can approach this as adults now. All I know is what I've wanted back then and want I was now is still the same, but now it's more serious more adult let's say", he whispered, now fully encapsulating your frame in an embrace and refusing to let go of you.

You tilt your head and stared at him, questioning his words.

"Since then and even until now, I wished for you to love me. Yes it may have been different forms back then but I think I knew, it's love, that I felt for you."

A smile crept up your lips and quickly pecked the corner of his lips before pushing past him to walk towards the BBQ place. "Taemin-ah come on, don't want to miss out on your first date do you?!", you called back out to him, giggling as you his face light up and rush towards you to walk back to the restaurant that you had tried to walk away from.

There was a slight pause as you two had reached the doorstep, it was so loud inside, you don't think anyone realized , the two of you were mere distance away, practically confessing to each other.

"It's going to be hard to pretend like I'm not into you right now" he whispered in your ear as he swing the restaurant door open, greeting the concert staff and his hyungs. "Sonyu noona! I saw your friend tried to bail, I took the liberty to dragging her back in so we can enjoy some food!", he gleefully lied before setting you across from him on the table.

Your face was flushed with embarrassment before kicking Taemin lightly on the shins under the table all the while Sonyu was inquiring what had taken your phone call with your dad for so long.

Taemin smiled coyly before trading glances with you throughout the night, assured that for the first time, he could dream about you and wake up knowing, you were still there for him.

#taemin scenario #taemin x reader #taemin #taemin shinee #taemin angst #taemin fluff

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bluntfriend · 8 months ago

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Headcanon: SWF Alphabet Headcanon.

A/N - I always wanted to do the Alphabet headcanon so here it goes! I hope you enjoy it!

Trigger warnings - This headcanon does contain abandonment issues, self-hatred, and overworking. There is some angst on Clef's part so watch out for that.

P.S. - If anyone is thinking of sending in a request then please make sure it is a headcanon. I am only writing for headcanon for a bit since I am already working on a couple of side stories that I really want to focus on and two scenarios that are wayyy overdue. So, if you want to request make sure it is a headcanon. And make sure to be specific and very patient when requesting a headcanon. Thanks! :)

*Also, I decided to add Cimmerian to the mix... he is sort of growing on me and he isn't written about as much so I wanted to give him some attention.

P.S.S - For the two people who requested a scenario a very long time ago I am thinking of just converting the scenario request into a headcanon. At this point, I am REALLY struggling with writing actual scenarios and I don't want to keep you guys waiting because it has been TOO LONG. And it is unfair. But anyway yeah. Those two will be out soon. I am sorry again for taking so long to complete them.

Characters: Doctor Jeremiah Cimmerian, Director Alto Clef, and Doctor Iceberg.

P = Patience (How easily do they get angry?)

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they like receiving hugs? How do their hugs feel like?)

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

X= Xtra (Random Headcanon about them).

DIRECTOR ALTO CLEF:

P = Patience: He used to be very impatient in his early years. Letting his anger get the best of him but he has matured throughout the years. Now he is relatively calm most of the time. And doesn't let things get him easily irritated.

He would have moments where he could be grumpy due to things going awry or people not listening to him. Then he would be really annoyed but wouldn't lose his patience and get angry like he used to.

U = Ugly: Oh, definitely his self-hatred. It is a serious thing that he struggles with and hides from others. It may not seem like it because of the way he portrays himself and his behaviors but it is still there. And it does surface sometimes and will become a problem because of the ways it comes to the surface and how he refuses help from others.

He knows that he does struggle with self-hatred but he doesn't want to do anything to help improve himself or receive help. He would prefer dealing with it on his own and distancing himself for a bit. He knows it is unfair and can cause issues in his close relationships with others but he doesn't want to make the effort to change. It really disheartening and concerning.

He also suffers from low self-esteem as well. And he does have other ugly traits and habits by the way.

H = Hugs: Okay, hugging does sound a bit too sentimental for him and he would NEVER try hugging his S/O (at first) so they should have to be the one to try to hug him first. The first time they do hug him he is going to be startled and shocked and wouldn't know what to do.

He wouldn't push them away or anything but would be going to take a minute for him to come to his senses lol.

He doesn't try reciprocating the hug either and just stands there like ummm.... with his arms on his sides.

But after a few seconds, he does allow his muscles to relax and he slowly wraps his strong arms around them. And hold them close to him. And honestly being held by Clef like that in such an intimate way would feel so... comforting. It would feel so good to be held by him.

There would be a feeling of protection (and appreciation) when hugging him for the first time. He would give off this feeling that says "I would never let anything touch you or harm you when you are in my arms" and shit it would be so sentimental and comforting. Even he would be shook like where the fuck did this feeling come from???

But he would come around and feel more comfortable hugging them from then on. He does like picking them up while they are hugging and he does it easily too. He is very strong so it is no issue lol. He likes the surprised yelp they make when he picks them up. And it would be so sudden too so it is bound to surprise them.

The gif below is definitely the kind of hugs he gives.

But hugging is ONLY reserved for his S/O tbh, not his close friends. He would allow his friends to hug him if they really needed it or if he wanted to try to comfort them. He isn't really good at comforting people so he will reluctantly hug them to show that he does care. But those only happen on rare occasions.

F = Fiance(e): He is sort of intimidated by marriage. Marriage is NOT something that would come easily to him. In fact, he would prefer to keep his relationship the way it is than get into marriage.

The truth to why he feels intimidated by marriage is because of his past experiences with relationships and this inner fear of completely opening up to someone and getting into a serious commitment like marriage. Then they REALLY see him as who he truly is and reject him or worse come to resent him for his ways.

And his own abandonment issues do come to play a factor in this.

As far as he could remember he was always alone and never had anyone to rely on. So, to has to completely allow himself to rely on someone else and open up to them even more. That is what intimidates and that is what he makes him run from.

Clef has been hurt before. He has been used and manipulated before. He has opened himself up to someone before and just got hurt as a result and he is scared that it is going to happen again. And he has had people walk out on him and leave because they have seen him in his darkest moments and didn't want to deal with him. So, they just left, and what if his S/O does the same after getting married? What if come to resent him?

To him getting married invites so much uncertainty that it scares him. Getting married is a very serious commitment (not to say that he doesn't think that his current relationship isn't serious enough) but to him, marriage is a whole other level of commitment. And he doesn't feel like he would ever feel ready for that. He becomes a little anxious thinking about marriage and what the future holds.

And in addition to this, after marriage does typically come with kids. He knows it isn't always like that but still having kids one day is a no for him tbh.

He doesn't even know where to start with being a proper parent or role model for the child because he NEVER had any person like that in his life. He was always alone. He knows that he would have a S/O there to help and guide him throughout the process but still... there will always be this fear of failing as a father that lingers in the back of his mind. He wouldn't be able to brush it off easily either.

And also he knows how unfair it would be to bring a child into the world where he KNOWS he will be lacking in some areas and not be a proper father figure to his child. So, he isn't willing to jump into that.

X= Xtra (Random Headcannon about them): At first, he didn't even know how to play the ukulele. He just did it to annoy people but later on, decided to learn how to play it properly. And after some trial and error, he learned how to play it properly, and knows how to play several songs with it. When he is alone in his office, he would play a few tunes to himself.

DOCTOR JEREMIAH CIMMERIAN:

P = Patience: He is a patient guy. Probably the most patient than the other two. He tends to push down his frustration because he knows it wouldn't do any good to get angry easily. But he does have his moments where he will become snarky when he feels annoyed with someone. But that is more with being annoyed than getting angry.

So, he isn't an angry person.

U = Ugly: Hmmm... (I remember the actual writer for Dr. Cimmerian's character mentioned this in passing and I wanna run with it. And do agree with him so why not). He can be petty to those who have wronged him. He has a hard time letting things go. And he doesn't let sleeping dogs lay. He knows it is childish but he can not help himself from acting on his pettiness sometimes. It isn't anything too bad or toxic but he will act on it.

But his pettiness is more subtle than in your face. So, it wouldn't be apparent most of the time.

H = Hugs: Okay, he does like hugs and would gladly hug his S/O whenever they would like. As for his close friends, it depends on the person but he will give a hug if it is someone he cares for. And it looks like they need some comfort from a friend.

F = Fiance(e): He didn't think much about getting married tbh. It just wasn't something that he considered would happen to him so he didn't give it much thought. But I mean if he found someone who made him very happy and who could tolerate him and his corny puns then why not? He would also want to make sure that his S/O was on board too. So, yeah.

X= Xtra (random headcannon about them): He never really told anyone how he actually got his burnt scars and he kind of wants to keep it that way. He doesn't see the reason to tell anyone the real story behind it. His burned scars are from his past and he wants that to stay in his past.

DOCTOR ICEBERG:

P = Patience: He is not someone who gets angry easily. It takes him a while to get angry but he does lose his patience and tends to get annoyed easily when he feels like things are going slow. So, he can become impatient and it would just result in him being visibly annoyed. Like he wouldn't have an issue in telling the person sitting at the reception desk who is taking centuries to do something to him to hurry the fuck up tbh.

He has no chill when he loses his patience with people.

U = Ugly: His awful sleeping schedule. To be fair, however, he isn't the only one guilty of having a poor sleeping schedule since almost everyone working for the Foundation (especially high-ranking personnel) do not have a perfect sleeping schedule. But Iceberg tends to overdo it. He barely lets himself get proper sleep at night. He lets his mind wander about work and all that and he ends up staying up all night thinking. It wouldn't always happen but it does when he is working on a big project and his anxiety gets the best of him. He overthinks everything about the upcoming deadline and how much progress he has made.

He does overwork himself too much as well. He does more than what is expected of him and some days he even goes overboard and ends up neglecting his own health. And that is when someone needs to be there to pull him back to reality. To force him to calm down and take a break.

H = Hugs: Sure! He would like receiving and giving hugs. It could either be from his S/O or a friend. He is fine with it.

F = Fiance(e): Yes, he would want to marry someone one day. And even start a family. But that would be when he is completely certain that he is done with the Foundation and retires. He wouldn't be able to see himself still employed by the Foundation while trying for a family with his partner. It would be too stressful for him to handle. So, he would prefer just waiting until he retires and leaves the Foundation.

X= Xtra (Random Headcannon about them): He loves playing with the eye pods SCPs whenever he has some free time. He would invite them into his office and he would play with them. It makes him so happy! Seeing how happy the eye pods are and them jumping around and snuggling with it. It makes him so happy and helps him to remember to take things easy sometimes. And despite being told countless times by his superiors to NOT let himself become attached to them. HE CAN'T HELP IT! THEY ARE SO ADORABLE!! HE LOVES THEM SO MUCH!

#scp fandom #scp character #scp foundation #scp doctors #scp dr clef #scp dr iceberg #scp dr cimmerian #Idk why I decided to add a gif for Clef's part. I thought it was a nice touch. But should I use gifs more or nah?

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fatuismooches · 1 year ago

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Dreamer Anon's here with more Wanderer stuff.

"What were you thinking?" Wanderer had to do his best to hold back the urge to yell as he tended to their wounds, "Launching yourself at a charging boar like that. You're lucky you only got some cuts and bruises."

"Well, I wasn't." They winced as he cleaned a cut on their cheek, "All I saw was a kid not paying attention, and a boar charging right at her. It was instinct."

He never thought that he'd have to struggle to hold back his worry-fueled frustration this much, not after what happened earlier. He understood why they did what they did, that strange child was too absorbed in playing with that toy she named Dodoco and didn't even realize she had wandered into that boar's territory. She could've gotten severely injured or worse if they hadn't stopped that boar.

But he couldn't shake that image that still lingered in his mind. His hunter launching their self from the spot they were sitting at, grappling with the enraged boar and then being slammed against a tree trunk before they got a lucky stab in with a dagger.

"Hey, at least we've got dinner for the next couple of days." They smiled as they spoke, "And the kid's okay. Though I wasn't expecting the Knights of Favonius' chief alchemist to be her guardian."

And that was another thing that wasn't helping with Wanderer's mood. That alchemist. While there wasn't much emotion in the man's eyes or in the way he was speaking while thanking them for protecting the little girl, there was something about the way he looked at them that got under his skin. He just couldn't figure out why.

"Come on, say something." They said as he finished patching them up. "I'm sorry okay. I'll try to be more careful from now on."

"I'm not...angry at you." He sighed as he packed away the medical supplies, "I don't think I ever could be."

"Good. I don't think I could be angry at you about anything either."

Oh, if only they knew...

OH TO BE FUSSED OVER BY WANDERER...

Wanderer really did love every part of you. Your kindness was something that drew him to you in the first place. But sometimes he wishes you'd think before you act, because then you wouldn't find yourself in situations like this, where you were bleeding and he was internally panicking. Though he knew you did what you had to do, and that even if you had a second chance you'd still take the hit all over again.

Wanderer still couldn't help but be on the verge of yelling at you. And partially at himself. If only he could have taken the hit for you. It wouldn't have hurt him nearly as bad as you. You would have been safe and sound if only he was a bit quicker. And he wouldn't be stuck with the mental image of your injured self, blood gushing, and the sickening sound of you being slammed. His mind flew to the worst possible scenarios. He couldn't lose you, not so quickly, not after his second chance with you.

Luckily he was just overthinking it. It wasn't nearly as bad as he thought. But the way you were acting so nonchalantly made his eyebrows furrow. You are the one person he cherishes. And he wants you to treat yourself as such. Not to mention the blonde alchemist. Never in all his years of living had he seen a human with that little emotion. There was something more to him than what reached the eye. Though the little girl was much more excitable. She even offered for the two of you to come to play with her and Dodoco soon, which you happily agreed to while Wanderer just hmphed.

Though after all of this, Wanderer could never be mad at you. You were still alive and happy in front of him, offering him an apology and a smile. You were happier than you ever were before with him.

He doesn't think he could forget the cold glares and silent treatment you'd give his former self when he couldn't understand your wishes. The Wanderer just hopes that he would never do anything to invoke that emotion in you ever again. He'd much prefer your soft smiles and laughs.

#smooches talks #dreamer anon #scaramouche love notes <3 #gosh im in love w ur writing its amazing #+I WANT SCARA AND ALBEDO TO INTERACT BADLY AS WELL😭😭#it would be so interesting the fancomics r so cool

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mthollowell-writes · 1 year ago

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Writer Q&A Tag Game

Thanks again to @digital-chance for the tag! You can find their original post here!

1)What motivates you to write?

My own ego (I kid...sorta).

I love creating worlds and giving life to the various voices inside my head. I love teasing out ideas and constructing (too) intricate plots and scenarios. Writing is my escape from the daily grind (for good and bad) and my main outlet for expression. I honestly wouldn't be me without my writing.

2) A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

I'll share something from a short story currently on ice until I get around to editing it. It's tentatively called "Cosmic Self-Serve"

Unfathomable eldritch horrors weren’t on my Tuesday night bingo card but it takes all types to keep a gas station in the black. I took another pack of gum from the rack and popped a stick in my mouth, praying for brain freeze. Cool mint took over my senses and I felt like a person again. Gary won’t be happy with my lack of respect for “stock integrity” but that’s why our corporate gods gave us shrink. Also Gary’s an asshole so screw Gary.

3) Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

I'm going to have to give this to September from my Festival Project WIP. He's such a mess of a character despite his best efforts to keep it together. He has a pretty lengthy backstory for "reasons that drift a smidge into spoiler territory." On the surface, he's calm and collected and can weather any storm with clear head, but that comes from a long history of battling demons (both real and internal). He currently puts these talents towards being the Editor in Chief at his newspaper office.

4) What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

The initial brainstorming and outlining stage. I love plotting out stories free from the expectation of making the words sound pretty. I do still enjoy making the words pretty but sometimes I stall getting too caught up in that.

5) What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

The dialogue, though I will be the first to admit that I can get carried away with it. I also credit myself as a very meticulous plotter, in the actual plot and with character backstories. I've been told that my shorter stories tend to subvert expectation and go in unexpected places (but this too has its pitfalls as my earlier writing has been labelled as confusing by certain peers in writing workshops).

Even when I'm trying to stroke my ego, I keep offering caveats.

6) What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

Honestly, how supportive everyone is! We're always trying to build each other up and the discussions I see on my feed where people excitedly talk about their stories and OCs remind me why writing is so much fun. And the games, of course. My god, these games! I love them!

7) A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I recently took the plunge and bought Scrivener and I'm liking it so far. It's a bit of a learning curve with all the features you can play with, but I love how you can organize stories and bookmark things within each text section for referencing. Best of all, (and as far as I'm aware) you only have to pay once for it (unlike some other subscription based programs). With that being said, I do love Microsoft Word for smaller projects and its backup feature.

I also use a timer on my computer (I have Windows so there's a clock app that you can adjust). On days that I'm really struggling to motivate myself, dividing my time into smaller increments can get me through the slog.

8) A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

Egad, what a broad question! I have to think about that for a second...

There's a unique Protestant-inspired church branch within Hollow Grove that's known as the Edelhaus Coalition Church. It's also uniquely American, whose foundation is the old Puritan work ethic that emphasizes hard work as a core tenet that guarantees a path to heaven.

Where it diverges is its belief in The Founder and the concept of The Faithful. The Faithful are the true believers that have gained immense favor with God through their hard work and aptitude. As evidence of his favor, he gives The Faithful powers over nature. The Founder (who many believe was the original historical founder of the town, Goodwin Hollow) was the first Faithful and every Festival of Shadows, the evidence of his will is seen in the resurrection of the recently deceased every festival year. This holiday is celebrated by all in the Edelhaus Coalition church for this reason. It's also why many acolytes within the church opt for natural burial for a chance to walk the earth again.

There's more to it but in the spirit of brevity, that's all I'll say for now.

9) What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

I'll say it again, write what you love. There's no point in writing something you don't.

I also want to emphasize the importance of breaks. Sometimes if the words aren't flowing (or there's just so much going in your life), never feel ashamed of putting the pen down and coming back to a story later. The time away can offer fresh perspective. It can divert your attention to something else that you're equally passionate about. I sometimes like to procrastinate on one story with another. If I can't write at all, sometimes reading or watching something can inspire you.

10) Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

I'm truly inspired by reading the snippets of stories from @digital-chance (that's two mentions now!) @rmgrey-author @palebdot @tabswrites @writingbyricochet and @fatexweaver. I appreciate the support and interactions I've had with @vintagecivet @macabremoons @friendlyshaped @aestatismors @leisoree @words-after-midnight @axl-ul @nai-nty-8 and @nonsenseramble. Seriously, you all rock and I appreciate all of you!

I'm going to go ahead and gently tag all these beautiful folks listed above as well as some newer mutuals who I hope to get to know more @girlfromthecrypt @elhuei @isherwoodj @poemsbymo @robin-writes-a-lot and anyone who would like to participate!

#tag games #tagged #writer's q&a tag #long post #mt writes #writeblr #festival project #cosmic wip

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angstyaches · 2 years ago

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Hi! I just want to start off by saying I'm a really big fan of your writing. My fav is Charlie and Shayne 💜💜 Apologies in advance if I am not formatting this correctly. I'm not too familiar with Tumblr etiquette. This is my first ask! I would like to request a fluffy hunger/stomachache fic. The scenario I imagine is one of them is not taking care of themselves because of the demands of work/school. It's catching up with them via hunger pains. thank you for your consideration! -🦦💜

Thank you, lovely otter anon; this was a perfect request, and such a nice one to start off the new year. I hope I did it justice!

CW: prolonged hunger (unintentional), mention of food issues, stomach pain, stomach noises (onomatopoeic because I've been feeling it lately lol), brief embarrassment/flustering.

___

“I’m fed up of talking about college now,” Charlie sighed. “I want to know about you. How are you, lovely?”

Shrunk down to fit on a screen that Charlie could hold in the palm of his hand, Shayne seemed to be sitting at the desk in his bedroom at the Aldridges’, one side of his face lit more brightly than the other as the fading daylight drifted in through the net curtains. Charlie knew there were net curtains in Shayne’s room because he remembered thinking ‘who still puts up net curtains these days?’

“I’m okay,” Shayne said. “A bit tired after training with Ryan all week. Elliott’s not here and she’s taking all of her mentoring out on me.”

Charlie broke into a nervous half-smile and leaned back into his pillow. It was flat – standard issue for students who were availing of campus accommodation – and he kept meaning to steal a fluffier one from his parents’ house. His room was on the ground floor of the building, so in order to retain any amount of privacy from the outside, he had shut his curtains despite the early hour (oh, wait – maybe that was why people used net curtains?). The only light was from his desk lamp across the room, which made his face look a bit ominous on-screen.

The shadows seemed to elongate his weariness, carving it out of his pores and his cheekbones. He hoped the quality of the picture on Shayne's end was low-quality enough that he wouldn't notice.

“How long did you train for today?”

“I don’t know,” Shayne grumbled, pressing his fingers into his own shoulder as though working on a knot. “Like, a billion hours?”

“A billion hours, wow,” Charlie remarked. He licked his lips, guilt stirring in his gut as he prepared to ask; “Have you eaten today?”

Shayne made a slightly disgusted face, which Charlie luckily knew was only partly serious. He lowered his voice and his gaze, eyes landing anywhere but on the camera lens. “Yes, idiot.”

Charlie waited a second, just in case Shayne was planning on elaborating. It was never a good idea to push him for details, but on occasion, he offered them up freely.

“Sorry. I had to check.”

“It’s okay.”

The guilt still churned sickeningly in Charlie’s belly. He hated bringing up triggering topics and making his boyfriend uneasy – especially when he wasn’t actually there to try to comfort him – but tonight, the guilt was about more than that.

Charlie himself was struggling to think of a single time, in the past four days, where he’d sat down and had an actual meal.

Cookies and muffins were snatched up from the student union shop in between seminars; packets of crisps and jellies were slowly munched over the course of five-hour essay-writing marathons; the odd smoothie was slurped on during a lecture. The only hot form of sustenance – if you could even call it sustenance – he’d had was in the form of coffee. And the volume of coffee was an issue in itself, far exceeding the volume of water that had passed his lips that week.

Tonight was the first opportunity where he might have been able to put a frozen pizza in the oven, or boil some pasta, but even if Charlie hadn’t been too exhausted to stand in the kitchen that he shared with three other students he barely knew, he still wouldn’t have done it.

Because since early that afternoon, hours before he’d handed in his final assignment of the week, he’d had a horrible tummy ache.

Maybe it was the stress of the final weeks of the semester. Maybe it was the endless flow of coffee eating away at the lining of his stomach. Maybe it was both. Charlie didn’t know.

What he did know was that seeing Shayne’s face – even on his phone screen – made him feel marginally better. That was, at least, until he’d started questioning his poor boyfriend on his eating habits, like a hypocrite.

“What time are you going to your parents’ tomorrow?” Shayne asked, still not really letting his eyes focus on the camera. He was anxious to divert the conversation away from food, and Charlie was, too.

“I think I’m getting the train around ten past one. After my last seminar,” Charlie said. The pain in his belly swelled at the thought of spending the weekend and jumping into the following week without having seen Shayne at all. “Are you sure you can’t come? They’d love to see you. And obviously, I would, too.”

Shayne shook his head. “Sorry, love. Nancy is still saying it’s better for everyone if I keep laying low. You know, Ryan hasn’t even been taking me to the Green. We’ve been training in the basement.”

Charlie clicked his tongue and found his mouth and throat unexpectedly dry. Fear erupted at the core of his being, flickering nauseatingly, whenever he let his mind appreciate the fact that it was dangerous for Shayne to be without Nancy’s or Ryan’s protection. He couldn’t imagine how scary it must have been for Shayne to know that, too, and he immediately felt bad for trying to convince him to come out.

He eyed the bottle of water on his desk, which he’d purchased earlier in the week and then promptly forgot to avail of.

“Do say hi to them for me, though,” Shayne said, referring to Charlie’s parents.

“’Course I will.” Charlie heaved himself upright and slid to the edge of the mattress. God, his head felt heavy, and his cheek absolutely did not want to leave the pillow. He needed to grab that water, though. Maybe dehydration was also partly to blame for the dull, persistent spasms in his stomach.

He slumped back onto the bed, laying his phone down for a few seconds to unscrew the cap on his bottle. This left Shayne looking at the blank-white ceiling. Charlie took advantage of the few seconds of invisibility to rub his stomach, pressing his fingers deeply into his flesh. Hopefully, the firm, circular motion would relieve the pressure he could feeling building in his organs. If it was gas, or if something he’d snacked on was upsetting his belly, it was better to get things moving so the pain could fade.

As he took a drink, he could feel the room-temperature caress of the liquid trickling through his oesophagus and into his stomach. His belly let out a little glug, echoing the sound his throat made when he swallowed.

“Are you seeing Jonathan and Belle this weekend?” Shayne’s voice asked.

“I’m not sure, actually...” Charlie gasped and reached for his phone, his belly distress momentarily forgotten, brushed aside in a rush of excitement. “Oh – did I tell you that he and Nicole might be getting back together?”

“What – no?” Shayne exclaimed.

“Yeah! She’s going to be living at Jon’s three days a week for a while, just to see how it goes. Like a trial.”

“Fuck, Charlie, that’s so cool.” The softening look in Shayne’s eyes was palpable, even through the wall of pixels. That look made Charlie’s insides feel squishy. “I know you worry about Belle’s situation.”

“Yeah – I mean, I’m not saying non-conventional families can never work,” Charlie blurted out, not for the first time since he’d found out he had a niece. The rush of being able to tell Shayne the news about Jon and Nicole was quickly wearing off, and he felt his attention being drawn back to the ache in his stomach. At least he could continue rubbing it a bit while keeping his phone directed at his face and shoulders. “It’d just be nice to know that she’s always got two – ”

Grrllrrr.

“Um – two people around to depend on.” Charlie harshly cleared his throat. He felt the burbling of his stomach under his hand, through his hoodie. “And as – as much as he pisses me off, I want Jon to be happy, too, you know?”

Shayne narrowed his eyes. “Mmhmm. Are you okay? What was that face?”

Charlie blinked and pulled his hand away from his belly, in case Shayne could somehow sense that it was there. He reached for his bottle of water again. “What face?”

“I don’t know, I can’t do your faces.” Shayne rolled his eyes. “The one you make when you’re trying not to complain about something.”

“Oh. Well, my tummy hurts a little bit,” Charlie admitted in between sips.

That soft look didn’t really leave Shayne’s eyes, but he did frown and seem to peer a bit more carefully at Charlie through the screen. “Really?”

Charlie tried to force a half-smile. That look of concern was exactly what he'd been hoping to avoid. He lifted his bottle for another sip. His mouth was still dry, his head still felt a bit fuzzy, but the weight of the water was starting to make his stomach feel like it trying to fold itself in half. The pain was sharper now, in that pinpricked way that felt as though shifting position might relieve it.

"I'm sure it's just the stress leaving..." Charlie's voice faltered.

Ggglllrrrrrrnnngrrrrr.

"Leaving my body," Charlie finished. That last gurgle had built all the way up into a full-fledged growl, pinching the walls of his stomach together. He felt like a deflating balloon that had just lost the last remnants of its air.

“What was that?” Shayne demanded.

Shit. Charlie's head felt like it might explode. “What?”

“You made another face.”

“You – you didn’t hear that?” Charlie swallowed. He really needed to get these alleged faces under control. Their phones must have been good at drowning out background noise, even if it was coming from close-by. “My stomach just made this… huge noise.”

“That's what that was?"

Charlie let his phone drop onto the mattress and curled himself up into a ball, scooping his pillow into his arms and burying his face in it.

“I thought it was, like, a motorbike, or something, passing your apartment,” Shayne said through the phone speaker, even though he was talking to the ceiling again.

“Hey, that’s… rude,” Charlie whispered. He pulled the phone closer and kept most of his face hidden behind the pillow.

“How's that rude?” Shayne raised his eyebrows when he realised he could see Charlie again – well, his forehead and eyes, anyway. “It’s not my fault your stomach just screamed at me down the phone.”

Charlie felt like an electric shock had just been administered to both sides of his face, blasting the blood vessels in his cheeks. He could have sworn Shayne’s lips pressed a little tighter together, like he was fighting a smirk.

“Shut up,” Charlie quipped. Oh. Good one.

“What’d you do, forget to eat, or something?”

He didn’t mean to hesitate. He really didn’t. He meant to laugh it off, to pretend he hadn’t neglected his stomach for so long that even half a bottle of water was seemingly too much for it to handle right now.

“Wait. Fuck. Really?” Shayne propped an elbow on his desk and dropped his chin into his hand, like this conversation was a weight that had just manifested on his shoulders. “Charlie.”

“Shayne,” Charlie groaned.

"Is it possible you're actually having hunger pains right now? What’d you eat today?”

“I had a –”

“And I swear to fuck, Charlie, if you say the words ‘iced coffee’, I will leave this house, get on a bus, come to your apartment, punch you in the fucking arm, and then leave again,” Shayne said. “Madelyn be damned.”

Charlie gulped. “It wasn’t iced, it was normal.”

Shayne lifted his head from his palm so that he could rub at his jaw. A clear-cut sign of frustration.

"I'm sorry," Charlie sighed.

"What? You're sorry to me?"

"Yeah, I'm... I'm always giving you a hard time about food." Charlie tugged the pillow down a little lower, revealing more of his face. It also meant that he was hugging the pillow to his stomach now, which, admittedly, wasn't as good as when he'd been physically kneading it with his hand. "I feel like a hypocrite."

“Charlie, love – you – you give me a hard time because… someone probably should.” Shayne scoffed, probably trying to hide the slight tremble in his voice. "I’m… I’m worried about you now.”

“I know, I can tell,” Charlie grimaced. “You’re stretching your jaw.”

“No, I’m not. Shut up. You’re going to hang up –”

Charlie winced and hugged himself harder. The very last thing he wanted was to be left alone with his misery. “I wanna keep talking to you.”

Shayne glared as if to say, let me fucking finish. “You’re going to hang up, order something on your… food app thing, and then call me back while you’re waiting for it to arrive.”

The thought of food was confusing to Charlie's stomach as he tried to envision it. On the one hand, the last thing it wanted to do in its abused state was to be put to work, digesting something heavy and/or greasy. But on the other, it'd been stewing in acid and coffee for so long that it'd probably feel like a relief to be lined with something different.

Creamy chicken korma, maybe, and fluffy basmati rice...

"Fine," Charlie sighed. "I'll order something."

"Good."

"I don't need to hang up, though. I can just minimize the chat window."

"Right. Minimize the thing."

"Stop stretching your jaw, lovely," Charlie repeated as he started to scroll through a list of nearby restaurants.

"Hey," Shayne murmured. "You're supposed to be ordering food. You're supposed to have me minimized."

"Yeah, you're in my top corner. Stop flexing your jaw."

"You're so fucking annoying..." Shayne lowered his voice to a mumble. "I miss you."

A pang of longing clenched Charlie's stomach. His eyes were briefly pulled away from the brightly-coloured digital menu so that he could watch the tiny, dimly-lit version of his boyfriend gaze back at him through the screen.

"I miss you, too, lovely."

"Shut up. Did you order something yet?"

#StW Charlie #StW Shayne #sickfic #hunger fic #hunger #stomach ache #stomach ache fic #hurt and comfort #hurt comfort #food mention #hunger mention #otter anon #🦦💜 anon

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stargazeraldroth · 1 year ago

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You mentioned an idea for the horse ranch AU where Ink gets really bad anxiety and thinks everyone hates him/is mad at him… Do you have any other thoughts about that 👀 Because I’ve been constructing idea after idea in my head about when and where and why that would happen (yes I’m projecting, shush), and I need more information on such a scenario.

Does it cumulate in him trying to run away because he’s been convinced he makes things worse, potentially due to misunderstandings or bad luck?

Does he start shutting people out to keep from getting hurt by their rejection or disapproval?

Does he try and hide how much it’s affecting him to keep from worrying people while he’s internally having a mental breakdown?

I need to know the specifics of this hurt/comfort scenario, damnit. Please tell me he gets buried in a pile of dogs and cuddled by horses.

Oh sweetheart, we all project onto characters sometimes. I'm projecting too. Regardless of what I say, though, I'd love to know your thoughts about why Ink's like this and what happens. Tell me everything you've got hidden in that brain of yours.

I imagine Ink's always struggled with some anxiety in this AU, not just after the others arrived for their program (or whatever brought them here). That's just when it started becoming more active and detrimental. He's pretty okay when interacting with his family members and the animals, it's just... socializing with new people is hard. And Ink isn't exactly what you might consider "normal"... especially considering he's an animal whisperer in this AU, so he talks to the animals. A lot. As for when and why it started, that's a bit trickier to figure out, but I do think it had to do with some bullying growing up. Even without bullying, he was often isolated by his peers because he was perceived as "weird"... 'tis the unfortunate canon event of us autistics. Maybe it got so bad that at one point, they had to pull him out of public school and start homeschooling him. His family might not even know that he's an animal whisperer and might think he's weird for having "one-sided" conversations with the animals, but there's no harm in it. Unfortunately, the potential dismissal of Ink's closeness with the animals as nothing more than a coping mechanism (which it does help him cope with loneliness, but it's more than that) doesn't do very much for his confidence.

I think the only attendee that Ink wouldn't be so jumpy around is Epic, because he's Cross's best friend and has been to the ranch several times before. I think it'd be nice if Dream and Ink are online friends meeting for the first time, and while Dream's bursting with happiness, Ink's having all these suffocating thoughts about how Dream's surely judging him and how different he must be from what Dream imagined. It definitely doesn't help that Stretch and Red are kinda like the "bullies" of the bunch and are natural assholes, that Nightmare has a resting bitch face 24/7, or that Error's very quick to judge and very easy to irritate. Can you imagine how much worse it'd be if the Murder Trio was here? Especially Killer. I'm doing Ink a service by keeping them away from the main group.

I wasn't entirely joking when I said that the dogs at the ranch are Ink's emotional support dogs. At least one of them, maybe Glaze (golden retriever) or Canvas (corgi), was professionally trained to be his emotional support animal. All of the dogs are very protective of Ink and have imprinted on him, especially Paperjam. PJ is so territorial, they're definitely growling and just barely holding back when Error starts getting closer to Ink. Especially if Error and Ink have some not-so-pleasant first interactions.

I don't think Ink would be convinced that running away is the only solution, but maybe he does leave without saying anything and it causes a panic. Especially if he doesn't take Broomie or any of the dogs with him. As for what might lead to that situation, maybe he overhears some of the things the others say and misinterprets them as being about him? This could be helped by awkward interactions or miscommunications.

Even if he doesn't leave or anything, I do think it would gradually lead to him shutting down and just... changing. Even if he's awkward and anxious, he still wants to be around the others and be friends with them, with some support from his family to start making friends again. But everything else is just so discouraging... he's not very good at teamwork or anything that can actually help them, and some of them don't seem very interested in anything he has to say, so... maybe he should just stop trying. It's fine, he's used to not being wanted around anyway. He still has the dogs and the horses, he'll be fine. The others deserve to get the full experience, without someone as clumsy and awkward as him around to ruin it. It's slow, but he stops trying to strike up conversations and eventually stops showing up at all, just doing what he has to and then going back into hiding. Cross notices, of course, but he doesn't want to be insensitive to Ink's struggles and pushy, and he doesn't know what to do.

I know I probably have a reputation as an angst addict who spews tragedy and worst-case-scenarios, but I'm gonna say there are some limits to what angst I'll do for this AU. Or at least for what's canon to the AU. For example, Ink may very well have depression (ayyy depressed gang rise up), but I won't say he's suicidal or does self-harm. Or, like, deliberate self-harm. Did you know you can burn yourself in the shower? I didn't know that until my mom told me I was, I just thought the hot water was nice.

Matter of fact, the eating disorder episode is probably about Ink. Our angst baby. Angst punching bag. Because everyone was pointing out how it wouldn't even work with the horses, as stablehands would've found the food in Pepper's stall immediately. Cross and Ink are very proactive with keeping the stables clean and proper for the animals. But Ink... who would notice with him? The animals would probably notice first, especially the dogs that are practically up his ass lol. My dogs do it too, it's a sign of love. But this could actually work with him disappearing in the woods, maybe he ends up passing out from not eating while still doing the physical labor. Only, in this one, I'd say he takes at least one or two dogs with him... and one comes back to the ranch, barking and whining up a storm, trying to lead the others (namely Cross) to Ink's location.

Getting into the specifics is difficult because there's so much you can do. Stretch and Red can make jokes that are common for them, but end up hurting Ink a lot. One thing I do want to mention, though, is that the horses are aware of the divide and largely one-sided tension between Ink and the others, so they're gonna react to things their owners say and do. One of them can say something about Ink being too jumpy and a horse might nay or something, and so they joke about Ink "talking to their horses behind their backs" or "turning their horses against them", and if Ink overhears this... yikes.

#horse ranch au #ink sans #i don't know what prompted me to put so much angst in this alone #this is supposed to be a happier au what am i doing #it adds spice #dammit spice you and your edgy horse phase

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candygirly06 · 8 months ago

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rut or rust?💋

My Dear Upper East Readers,

Welcome or welcome back to Chic Candy Chronicles, I was initially making an entirely different post, but I had woken up late the other day. My entire schedule got a huge whiplash and that had been happening for quite some time now, but now I'm back at it. In this post, I'm gonna tell you all about how to save a half-assed day, and why you do that in the first place.

I have always struggled with trying to find out what my body needs me to do, and I give credit to my nervous system for being in survivor mode for almost my entire life. Now that I've come out of it and understood the needs of my body and mind, I'm gonna tell you exactly how you can fix yourself and stop procrastinating.

2 years ago, my first thought, after I woke up later than usual, would begin with 'Why can't I do just one thing right?' and somehow ended with 'I need to punish myself and put myself through anguish to make myself realize the biggest mistake that I made today that would cost me an entire day.' and then I would just be grumpy the entire day and not do a single thing and actually waste that entire day.

And now, my first thought is always, 'It's okay, it's not my fault, I still have tomorrow and the entire day today and my entire life.' and ended with 'If I worked a bit harder for the next two days then I could easily catch up with my work and everything would still be alright.' Of course, this didn't happen overnight and there are still some days when I just beat myself up over it, but I am gentler with myself, I am kinder and I will always forgive myself because I would never want anyone else to beat themselves up over something as minor as this, why would I let myself go through such misery? Yes, for the moment, it might seem catastrophic to think that you wanted to do something so badly and in the end, it doesn't happen but think of it this way, your body takes rest when it needs to, not when you think that it should.

If I'm being completely honest here, out of 7 days, I only wake up at the time that I wanted to for maybe 3 days, the rest, I just try my very best. I'm not saying that if I really wanted to, I wouldn't do it, of course I can, but I give myself permission to fail and try again, because no matter how many times it may happen, I still haven't given up, nor will I ever give up on myself. Now about saving a half-assed day, the best thing I can tell you is to take on only how much ever you can, your body is already demanding you to rest but there are some scenarios where you can't just take a break, so tend to yourself as much as possible and do not take on more than what you need to complete that day, you can get back into it the next day and work a bit harder over the next few days. If you can, take the day slowly and just relax, think of it as your mind giving you a day off and just live.

Now I don't want to make this any longer, but never fret, my Upper East readers, your girl is coming back with so many ideas for so many posts.

Until then,

Stay chic and candy

xoxo

Candygirl 💋

#chiccandychronicles #self love #half-assedday #personal blog

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fairlybeloved · 8 months ago

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"Sorry." He grinned sheepishly, holding out his hands in case she faltered enough to require his help, but careful not to breach the barrier she quite obviously wished to keep between them. "I was a bit preoccupied for a minute."

Wasn't used to having belongings [outside of the sword strapped to his back] that required a bit more careful consideration when fleeing in a rush. It would probably be taken as evidence, the room swept clean of anything that might reveal the whereabouts of the little lost Soldier boy and his apparent unexpected accomplice.

Worst case scenario? The Inn would be burnt to the ground, everything within lost [including... well, he wouldn't materialize the thought by trying to conjure up what cruelty he knew ShinRa was capable of]. He'd seen worse during his tragically short tenure, and that was saying something.

He blinked, watching her struggling pass to the spring that offered pleasure with a price, is how he liked to view it. Natural Mako was okay in small doses but there was nothing natural about anything in the general vicinity. Or maybe that was just the way his brain currently viewed their rather precarious situation. Not to mention the palpable strain he could feel twanging between them. One false pluck and he imagined something would snap. He didn't appear terribly bothered about that possibility, however. He was more relieved that she'd awoken as okay as possible, considering.

He paused briefly before trudging over to where she eventually perched, plopping down beside her. "So.... what happened back there? Who were those weird guys? Didn't get a good look. In a twist of fate, ShinRa decided to come knocking. I'd almost think they were working together if they hadn't fled so quickly."

This place really was peaceful, wasn't it? Even the crane had recognized its beauty, and the warmth it held in the atmosphere. More so than just whatever heat radiated from the nearby hotspring adjacent to its location. It drew back from the mako spring with the tiniest stain of bluish green upon the very tip of its beak, and promptly made its way back to where Zack was. Wings a gentle flutter as they carried it down to rest on the tip of his nose if he allowed.

He was talking, and it was listening. Content it seemed, to bask in the words he spoke. Perhaps it saw something in Zack. Something that was more akin to its true self. Something that had been discarded by force, from the unconscious Jezebel. It enjoyed him for him. For the good nature dominating his being, and the compassion he showed towards its creator. More than that perhaps, were the color of his eyes. It had seen them many times, and any time they might open, it was looking at them with a level of intrigue a child might something they found awe inspiring.

That is until he noticed Jezebel had woken in any case. It would flutter back towards her now to settle on her shoulder when Zack got up to hover over her. Beak preening into her hair just behind her ear in a more comforting fashion as she struggled to chase the fog from her mind and vision. A disgruntled noise rumbled from the woman at Zack's hyper reaction to her stirring and the closeness of her form. Fingers pinched against the bridge of her nose just trying to drown him out for a moment. But it was impossible. She was stuck subjected to his over concern for her well being.

Was he referencing her violin? Concern settled briefly upon her features as she glanced around a bit more hurriedly only to announce her displeasure through another loud groan, cursing silently under her breath as she did so. "I'll fetch it later." It was too important to leave behind. And he was too much of a target to risk going back for it. She'll have to make-do until she can sneak off and steal it away from whoever had procured it from the room. Hopefully the Inn would have it stored away as a lost belonging.. Otherwise she'll be hunting down whatever fool from the infantry, had thought to keep it.

Or try to make hell for Rufus until he agreed to get it back for her. Could be fun tormenting the new President. Maybe she'll use this as a secondary excuse.

Nevertheless, his remark about not lingering prompted her to send her origami crane up through the chimney of the cave. It would play lookout and alert them to any signs of ShinRa making their way into the forest nearby in search of them. For now? She ignored his offer to carry her. Risen to an unsteady stand with her hand out to try to push him away if he tried to aid her in any form. The world caught in a sudden spin around her, forcing her to tighten in stance in an effort not to let herself collapse back to the ground.

The hot spring nearby would become her destination once the world had slowed enough that she could walk - with some difficulty. She just needed to succeed long enough to arrive to the edge of the stream where she would practically fall on her rump in an effort to sit beside it. Steam rolling up around her where she sat with fingers cautiously dipped into the surface to test the temperature.

"No one is keeping you here." Cold. As was the usual for her. Keep a distance. Push people away. He didn't have any obligation to her, nor she to him. If he left, he at least has a higher chance of maintaining his freedom a while longer. Was she in any shape to be on her own? Probably not.

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kae-karo · 2 years ago

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Writer asks: 12 and 13, 30, 31, and 32?

AEWIN HELLO HI THANK U 🙏🙏 and thank u as well dear anon !!!! for context (x)

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

u know if u had told me before encountering zhongchi that i would fall in love with eggs/ovipos i would've told u u were out of ur mind but here we are lmao

ngl i think i also wasn't super into the idea of enemies to lovers in my og fandom? which makes sense cause i wrote phanfic and for me it just didn't make sense that they'd be enemies at all to begin with? but then i got hit with dabihawks and hoooooo boy now i adore enemies to lovers lmao

13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don’t anymore?

honestly i don't think i've lost my taste for anything in particular that i didn't already dislike? like i am truly struggling to come up with anything i liked at one point and now am not so into (even just like a shift to neutrality over liking it) and i am entirely at a loss lmao

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

yes absolutely !!!! the first time i wrote smut was a huge jump outside my comfort zone, and we all know how that turned out over time lmao. i tried out a bit of a wonky sci fi tale many moons ago and i think that really helped me solidify a base to build my emotional writing skills on.

near the end of my first fandom writing stretch, i switched from first person to 3rd person, and that basically...became my entire mode of writing from that point on. coincidentally, it helped me build new skills in eliciting strong emotions without relying on the benefits of first person narration

then when i switched fandoms, i tried my hand at my very first multi-ship fic, which sort of became the basis of some of the works and worlds i'm most proud of, and helped me flex my muscles with integrating relationships beyond just the main pairing into a story

this was also the first fandom for which i wrote stories that didn't have a happy ending (after living in a world where i promised happy endings, always) - ultimately i think this let me feel more comfortable exploring less wholesome emotions? not that everything i had before was wholesome, but being able to tell a story and be okay with it not having a happy ending was an interesting door to prop open [insert 'this is a surprise tool that'll help us later' image lmao]

i also pushed my worldbuilding limits in this fandom to produce what i consider one of my most complex fics from a worldbuilding perspective, it really tested my skills both in the art of translating canon lore to a unique world and investing in another multi-ship fic with 4 prominent romantic ships and at least 2 prominent platonic relationships, plus a myriad of less intensive platonic and familial relationships - overall i think that really helped me get a handle on worldbuilding in less complex scenarios? as well as incorporate tangential relationships to enhance a story or world

i also stretched my skills in canon-adjacent worldbuilding/future fic, which was a new territory to try to worldbuild in, so i had a lot of work around problem-solving within canon based on the path i was trying to go with the story. it ended up being an interesting dive into character study and analysis that lent itself well to what i consider a 'standard' method now for testing out new ships - starting in canon, with a scenario that interests me but wouldn't be wildly out of place in canon, and using that as a jumping point to get a handle on the dynamic. this was also my first attempt at ot3 fic, so that was good practice for future 3somes :)

shortly after i started writing genshin fic, i had an idea that really tested me quite a bit, partly because someone actually left quite an unkind comment and it made me reflect on the story - and what upset me wasn't their comment, per se, but that they discovered something about my story that, once i saw it, felt lacking. i think that although it was an uncomfortable situation, ultimately that helped me reflect more on my character arcs and motivations, and it's actually very much standard practice now when i get stuck somewhere while writing to pace out a character's motivation to help me keep my focus on their arc

long after i got into genshin, i wrote a fic for a character without a name. like. a whole entire almost 7k of a story where the pov character has no name. this taught me nothing cause i literally did it again lmao

i will also toss in my general cop-out commentary that any time i write a new pairing, it's outside my comfort zone! and it's always a good way to stretch my thoughts and approaches as i consider the nuances of a new dynamic, and i think it helps me too in looking at characters and dynamics i've written before with new skills in my pocket

31. What’s your ideal fic length to write?

hmm probably in the ~15k range? i feel like that's where i have enough range to really fully flesh out an idea and go through a broader story but not so long that there's complex worldbuilding involved? not that i don't love writing longfic, but the time and investment that goes into them can sometimes be overwhelming and it's not something i want every fic to entail lmao

32. What’s your ideal fic length to read?

under 10k!! this is like the super sweet spot for me to look at it and go 'yeah i'll leave that open in a tab to read during a short break or while i'm eating lunch or-' etc etc. more than that and i default to going 'oh i should mark that for later' and unfortunately those often disappear into the aether lmao

[send me fic/writing asks from this list!]

#ask #anon #aewinning #ask game #writing game

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beccascribbles · 4 years ago

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Could you maybe do a scenario where bokuto has a childhood omega friend and(ik this probably wouldn't happen irl in this type of situation, but...) bokuto decides that the omega would be great to have as a roomate along with the atsumu, sakusa, and hinata(the four of them would probably be alphas).You can just explain what that would be platonically, or you can throw in some 🌶✨spice✨🌶 if you want like maybe someone goes into heat or a rut or starts catching feels.But it's your choice :) <3

a/n - kind of only did the moving in day to establish what the dynamics might be between them, but, if you want to see more of this let me know! (not sure if it’s good enough to warrant more though haha) enjoy!

LIVING WITH THE BLACK JACKALS, an omegaverse au

Moving In Day

"Are you sure it's okay?" you asked, gnawing on your bottom lip as you watched Bokuto lift one of your suitcases from the boot of the car. He glanced over at you, placing the suitcase at the floor. His hand came down to rest on your shoulder, giving it an affectionate squeeze.

"I wouldn't have asked you to move in if I wasn't sure," reassured Bokuto. You moved closer to him, wrapping your arms around his waist and pressing your face into his chest. Breathing in deeply, you let his scent sooth you. He wrapped his arm around your body, squeezing you tightly before releasing you. He reached into the boot, removing the final bag and turning to face you once again. "Come on."

Bokuto held out his hand for you, and you took it, picking up a bag with your other hand. Once more, you glanced up at Bokuto, finding comfort in his amber eyes. His hand gave yours a squeeze, a gentle reminder that he was there. As you stepped up to the door it was flung open, and a head of ginger hair came barrelling towards you.

"y/n!" cheered Hinata, wrapping his arms around you and crushing you to his chest. Even as he held you, he was bouncing on the balls of his feet, struggling to contain his excitement at seeing you again. You let your bag drop to the floor, released Bokuto's hand, and wrapped your arms around Hinata's neck. He let out a pleased purr, pressing a kiss to your cheek as he pulled away and picking up the bag you dropped on the ground. He rambled away to you. "I'm so glad you decided to move in. Bokuto was saying he was asking you for ages. Just between you and me, we're all really happy. Ignore Sakusa's grumpy face. I overheard him talking to Komori yesterday and he was definitely pleased."

"Um, okay, Shoyo," you said, following him into the house, Bokuto behind you. He dropped your bags to the floor, turning to shut the front door behind him.

"Tsum Tsum!" he called as Hinata led the way into the living room. “Omi!”

His shout was accompanied by the sound of feet rushing down the stairs and a figure skidding around the corner, a head of bleached blonde hair barrelling towards you at a startling speed. Instinct told you to move to the side, taking refuge behind Bokuto as Atsumu attempted to stop moving, digging his heels in just before he made contact with the wall. Atsumu turned to you with a pout.

“No need to sidestep me,” he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. You grinned up at him sheepishly. “Sheesh. I’m not some scary alpha comin’ to claim ya or shit like that. Relax, y/n.”

Feeling the heat rise to your cheeks, you pressed your forehead against Bokuto’s back, taking in another deep breath. His reassuring scent eased you, and you finally lifted your head up to be greeted by Atsumu’s outstretched arms.

“Now come here and give ya favourite alpha a hug,” he grinned, wrapping his arms around you and crushing you against his chest. You returned his hug as well as you could considering he had pinned your arms to your side. From behind you, you were aware of Bokuto letting out a grumble.

“I’m obviously their favourite,” he grumbled, resisting the urge to pull you away from Atsumu, who was taking far too long to greet you. Hinata, sensing the growing tension, spoke up.

“Sakusa’s here,” he declared, the statement enough for Atsumu to release you. You turned around, shooting the final alpha a warm smile, holding out your hand in greeting.

“Nice to see you again, Kiyoomi,” you greeted, feeling his warm hand close around yours, holding your hand in a firm grip. Sakusa nodded, hesitating for only a moment before he tugged you forward, his free arm wrapping around your waist as he gave you a brief squeeze.

“I didn’t think Bokuto would manage to win you over,” he admitted, gaze falling on Atsumu, as if your hesitation was due to him rather than the fact that living with four alphas was daunting at the best of times, let alone when the time came for their ruts. “Heaven knows they need the influence of an omega to tidy up their shit.”

You let out a snigger, knowing how messy Bokuto could be. It wasn’t that he was unable to clean or that he didn’t know how to. Honestly, Bokuto was just forgetful, too easily distracted for cleaning to be something he viewed with any importance. The alpha struggled to do his taxes, after all. Weakly, you defended, “I’m sure they’re not that bad.”

“Atsumu leaves his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor,” Sakusa reeled off. “Hinata struggles to understand that you need to clean up after making dinner. Bokuto leaves his boxers all over the house. I can go on.”

Bokuto flushed furiously at his words, protesting, “No, I don’t.”

“I do clean up,” Hinata insisted. “Last night, I washed up after eating.”

“Because I told you to,” sighed Sakusa, regarding Hinata coolly. “None of you do anything without being told.”

Atsumu, notably, stayed quiet. There was no arguing with what Sakusa had said. The proof was waiting to be discovered upstairs. He froze, shooting a panicked look up the stairs.

“Excuse me for a minute,” he said, sprinting up the stairs and leaving you all (excluding Sakusa) standing there a bit confused. Instead, a smirk pulled at the corners of his lips.

“He had a shower when Bokuto went to collect you,” Sakusa explained. “Now, he’s moving his clothes from the bathroom floor because he doesn’t want to leave a bad impression of him as a roommate on you.”

“Oh,” you breathed. “I really don’t mind though. We should just buy a clothes basket and leave it in the bathroom. It would be useful for all of us.”

“And this is why you moving in with us was a good idea,” grinned Bokuto. “Told you I was right.”

You smiled over at your best friend as Hinata grabbed one of your bags from the floor. Hinata spoke, ignoring the sound of Atsumu’s feet pounding on the stairs as he ran down, “Shall we get you moved in then?”

You nodded in agreement, reaching down to grab another bag and letting Hinata lead the way as Bokuto reached down to grab the remainder. Atsumu, whose sudden reappearance almost resulted in Hinata being knocked onto the floor, grabbed the majority of the bags, shooting Bokuto a teasing grin.

“You’re not the only muscle-bound athlete, Bo.”

“He is more muscular than you though, Tsumu,” admitted Hinata, glancing over his shoulder to watch Atsumu’s face twist. He let out an indignant splutter.

“Take that back, Shoyo.”

“He beat you in an arm wrestle yesterday, Atsumu,” sighed Sakusa. “Just carry the bags upstairs before you hurt your ego even more.”

A snicker escaped your mouth as you watched the interaction, your eyes immediately darting away from Atsumu when he made eye contact with you. You cleared your throat, “I thought we were showing me where my room is?”

“Right,” said Hinata, focusing on the task at hand once again. He took it upon himself to give you a quick tour as you walked down the corridor towards the room which was soon to be yours. “So, that door closest to the stairs is Omi’s, and beside it is the bathroom. Opposite the bathroom is my room. Tsumu’s room is beside yours and Bokuto is opposite you.”

You nodded along, attempting to process the information being given to you at speed. Already, you knew you were probably going to get the doors confused at first. They were all the same, with little to distinguish them from the other.

“No getting pissed off if I accidentally walk into your room instead of the bathroom,” you said, finger raised in a threatening manner. Atsumu hid a snigger behind the suitcases he was holding, while Bokuto’s lips stretched upwards in a smile.

“None of us would get mad if you walked into our rooms,” he said, giving you a slight nudge with his elbow, the action comforting. “My room will always be open for you if you need me.”

“Mine too,” piped up Hinata, Atsumu quickly nodding in the affirmative. Sakusa let out a grunt.

“I suppose, if you ever need to talk to me, you can,” he mumbled. “Though I don’t know why you would need to come to me.”

“Maybe if the others are being dickheads,” you teased, shooting Atsumu a smirk that had him giving you a playful glare in reply.

“Ya know I’m only a dickhead if I like you,” he grinned, giving your hair an affection ruffle. He dropped your bags down on the floor outside your room, Bokuto placing the ones he was carrying with far more care. “I’ll leave you to settle in. If ya need anythin’, just knock on my door.”

“Me and Bokuto are going to be watching the Adlers game that’s live now downstairs so come and join us when you’re finished,” said Hinata, already walking towards the stairs. Bokuto looked after him, then turned to look at you, trying to sense if you wanted him to stay. You gave his arm a squeeze, turning him around and pushing him in Hinata’s direction.

“Go watch the game, Kou,” you said, voice firm. “I know you want to. Besides, I’ll be fine. If I need help, I’ll just rope Atsumu in.”

“Okay!” he beamed, jogging after Hinata and leaving you alone with Sakusa.

Awkwardly, Sakusa ran a hand through his hair, fingers catching in his curls as he yanked them through his hair. “I did clean your room before you came today but if you want to give it another clean, I can give you some supplies.”

“Don’t worry about it, Kiyoomi,” you said, voice soft and full of gratitude. “I trust you.”

He turned away, hiding the rising blush on his cheeks at the way your scent grew sweeter at his words. In that moment, he could tell you were truly happy. Your earlier hesitation seemed to have vanished. He cleared his throat. “I’ll tell Bokuto you’re settling in okay. We’re going to order takeaway for dinner as a welcome meal so make sure you tell Atsumu what you want. He’s going to order it because he insists he’s more likely to get free food or money off. Not that we need money off, considering how much we make.”

“I will,” you said. “Thank you.”

Sakusa gave a nod, spinning on his heels and walking down the corridor, entering his room at the same time that you pushed open the door of yours.

#haikyuu omegaverse #omega reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x omega reader #bokuto x reader #atsumu x reader #hinata x reader #sakusa x reader

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