#zippy is the most scared. he's scared of a lot of things tbh. and he likes to try and get into small places when he's scared (fridge/

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

fireworks >:(

[pavlovianpanic]

Is humiliation and shame a big motivator for Josh, or some other kind of fear-induced response? Is it adrenaline or paranoia? Did he have any fear of water prior to the game's happenings? (Speaking in reference to the part of og game where he dies in the water of the mines, after getting grabbed by Hannah) did he even particularly like butterflies? Did he like the butterfly effect in media or did he think it was lame, overused?

send me a topic to write a meta about my muse on • accepting • @cataschism

a) humiliation and shame: i think josh definitely feels both of these things from two sources — his parents (who are his caretakers currently, make decisions medically for him, hospitalize him, etc ... these are necessary things, but can be scary, feel violating, and for josh, can be very disorienting) and himself. he sees himself as a problem for his parents, which is why he tries to be the best son, the most happy, the most goofy, the most charming, the most eccentric, the most creative, the most intelligent (while he's not like an emily or even an ashley, he is very smart, and is devoted to his craft, so he wants to be the most intelligent in making movies, for example), etc. beth was described in the beta as the perfect one, hannah the lovable one, and josh ... is the older brother. that is his role. it is both assigned to him and is self-assigned. he hides himself, from his mental health (canon) to his sexuality (to me, implied, but also headcanoned). he is described both in-game and in cut dialogue as someone who does not ask for help, does not reach out. i peg him as the type that "if you're not smiling, then neither is he". he takes his role very seriously. he bottles and regrets everything deep inside. i think it eats at him. he stays up late at night about it. he's an insomniac, he doesn't sleep a lot, and when he does, he either has insane dreams or none at all (depending on his meds). shame and guilt are inherent to josh. ignoring them is instinct now. feeling them when he's alone is convenient enough, but that's what all the drinking is for, the med adjustments and swaps and self-medicating doses, the weed even (which can have certain side effects for people with josh's condition or similar conditions, he needs certain strains with certain numbers ... and he is not getting that from his dealer lmao he's getting probably cali hybrids like cookie strains and such, which aren't the worst, but maybe even still a bit too zippy for him, lots of kush strains and such, i could make a whole post about that lmao).

b) fear, paranoia, and adrenaline — this goes with a, but it's worth it's own point, i think. josh thrives on fear. his fear senses are pretty fried in the way that not a lot scares him, at least not anything he can explain away with movie magic. i have the scarecrows because of the post card from sam, which i think that party is where hannah started to like mike or met him (or both) which became the beginning of the end and is thus a bad omen to him, the needles from his medical history, snakes because ... idk they're not as common to run into for him as bugs and rats would be, and i just don't think that phases him tbh but snakes are actually pretty dangerous, we're predisposed to be very afraid of them. you also have to pick, so that's why it's snakes. heights, crowds — the first for just again something most humans are uncomfortable with (probably more a discomfort than a full fear), crowds because i think he gets lost in them and feels forgotten or misunderstood, still almost even isolated if that makes sense but in reverse of being alone? alone in a crowded room kind of deal? he works a lot on adrenaline. it's probably motivating him the second he puts on the mask, even when we see him "relaxing" and switching through cameras. his heart is likely pounding. everything hinges on this script he's written that is very much relying on these people to operate the way he expects them to (he is very observant, he knows these people enough to have them be actors for him and do what they need to, the dialogue never mattered, he can improv). he is also paranoid, especially after what happened with his sisters, but likely before. that's part of the deal. he is a paranoid schizophrenic, blanketed as just schizophrenic, and has a lot of symptoms from that, not just hallucinations. EDIT: no, i don’t think he was afraid of water really, but if he survives that ordeal with hannah but recognizing her tattoo, definitely after. maybe the idea of the ocean, like what we don’t know / what really lies beneath, but it really inspires the creative horror in him, haha.

c) butterflies — he was never one way or the other about them. he likes them, he associates them with his sister, and thus he feeds that aesthetic desire she has to surround herself with them. he wasn't surprised she chose a butterfly for her tattoo. she tried to get beth to get a tattoo, likely josh also, and he did ... after she died. both their names in arabic. getting a butterfly was too triggering, i think.

d) the butterfly effect. i think it's one of those those things for josh that's like ... if it's done right, that's great, but it can be done wrong, thus it can be cheesy. i think he finds chris's interest in cute, he likes that chris "taught him" about it lmao but i think he already knew what it was.