#zenki's writing

[zenki-soukokq]

I may or may not have forgotten to post anything at all for over a month-

But I found something in my miscellaneous collection of documents that (although unfinished) seems pretty good to post

I guess if it gets enough good reception, I might finish it (?)

Tw(s): Suicide, nothing else (if I missed anything, please tell me)

Length: 1,121 words

Your entrance exam to the agency wasn’t very telling for what was to come in your job. In fact, it was rather lighthearted in comparison to what your everyday life was about to become. You had saved a group of innocent orphans from what would’ve surely been their utter and complete demise, and had thus been offered a position within the Armed Detective Agency, to which you accepted.

Even if such an action would generally be considered taxing, for you at the time it was not. You were filled with an inexplicably high energy for helping people regardless of how treacherous the situation, and it led you to dedicate your life to that. The ADA was exactly where someone like you loved working at.

It became even more of a wonderful place to be after you had properly met all of your coworkers.

Kenji, Atsushi, Kunikida, Yosano, the Tanizaki siblings, Fukuzawa, Ranpo, Kyouka, and every other person at the agency always gave the workplace a refreshing kind of uniqueness. Each day, even if most only consisted of bland paperwork, became interesting solely because of the people you were surrounded with.

There was one person who stood out amongst all of them, though. Dazai Osamu, the resident suicide-fanatic of the agency. His enamoration with the idea of killing himself didn’t interest you as much as it did partially mortify you. You just couldn’t grasp how someone could be so accepting towards the concept of being their own cause of death, let alone someone so enthusiastic about it, to the point where you had almost feared him for it.

Of course, Dazai couldn’t resist prying into your personal pseudo-fear for him. Contrary to your mortification towards his accepting stance towards death, he was interested in your contrasting ideas towards his perspective. He wanted to know what kind of ideas you had that caused you to harbor such a strong distaste for his own, and he wanted to possibly coax you into becoming more comfortable with him, if that was even possible.

You weren’t very willing to cooperate with him at all, but you eventually were forced to when you were assigned a mission with him not long after you joined. It was a rather quick and easy mission, which led to there being a bit of downtime before the two of you had to return to the agency- not that being punctual particularly mattered to him. Through some sort of a miracle, he had convinced you to spend the rest of the allotted time with him in Cafe Uzumaki.

Your initial caution was worn off within the first few minutes, due to his somewhat pre-calculated charisma. He wanted you to let your guard down, after all. Your time at the cafe was highly enjoyable, as he had only put his focus on making you feel comfortable with him.

Perhaps, though, it would’ve been for the better if you had just declined and went back to the office.

__________

One event led to the next, as you and Dazai eventually developed a rather deep and complex relationship. Due to his overall goal being for you to understand him as much as he wanted to understand you, your relationship had taken a turn into a place where it was much more of an intellectual relationship. So much of it revolved around your different and similar opinions, ideas, ideologies, and other various intellectual facets. It was inevitable that your relationship would end up turning out the way it did.

You couldn’t really describe what you felt for him as love, because it felt like you understood each other too much for it to be something as unpredictable, uncertain, and illogical as that. It was just that love was the only reasonable way to explain what you two had developed, so you simply settled for that.

Even his confession had been deprived of love. He didn’t want you to love him nearly as much as he wanted you to understand him. Dazai would’ve rather had you agree to a double suicide with him instead of genuinely loving him.

—

It was quite late at the agency now, you didn’t even have to look at a clock to know that. The beams of sunset that had been trickling in through the windows had become sparser and sparser, now only being slight slivers that would occasionally peek through the blinds. Nobody else was around anymore, except for two people.

You and Dazai were the only ones left, as both of you had quite the urgent report to finish. It’s not as if the two of you spent your time properly, though. Dazai had distracted you with a rather striking question, which had further led to you getting sidetracked, and having not worked on anything for the past hour.

“So, if I were to genuinely ask you to commit a double suicide with me, how do you think you would react?” The bandaged man often asked these kinds of questions to you throughout the days, but never before with this kind of seriousness. His expression was nothing but serious, and even his body language seemed deprived of his usual comedic mask.

“I think I would decline. It’s hard to answer these kinds of questions with an actually accurate answer, but I think I wouldn’t accept,” you responded to this question with a far-away look in your eyes, as if your mind was somewhere else entirely.

“Hm…but what reason do you have to decline? Work has been tough, missions have been tough, life has just overall been shitty for you, no?”

“Hardship isn’t all it would take,” you were met with a momentary silence, “After all, hardship is something so common in life. If I were to try and die at every instance of recognizable hardship in my life, I would’ve died barely an infant.”

“Then, what would it take?”

He looked at you for an answer, with a frightening desperation visible in his eyes. You hesitated quite a bit before responding.

“...I suppose that it would take some sort of a momentous push to the idea of suicide. Whether that be a devastating event- or set of events- an indescribable storm of misery, a lover-”

“A lover?” Dazai quickly interrupted you, not even letting you take a breath after your words. “If a lover could make you consider suicide, then tell me, just how exactly could they get you to consider suicide?”

“I…I’m not particularly sure- it just feels as if a lover who wants to die would make me want to die with them.”

“If that’s the case, then I’ll be that lover. I want you to truly understand what it feels like to so deeply desire to kill yourself.”

Afterword:

I probably messed up Dazai's characterization in this, but I just kinda want to push something out into this blog, so it'll have to do for now

[bungoustraypups]

"According to Kunikida, there isn't much I'm needed for, so I should be back within an hour or two." "Mmm…" Ougai leans his face further into Yukichi's touch, nuzzles into his palm. "And so you thought you could sneak off without letting me know, hm?" A tiny smile tugs at the edges of Yukichi's lips. "I simply didn't want to wake you, Dove. You need your rest now more than ever."

In the moments before one leaves for work, Yukichi and Ougai Fukuzawa share a precious moment.

[chuu-huahua]

i know i was supposed to brainrot this yesterday? two days ago?? *checks through the definitely very sane messages with @downbadforpixels* ok yesterday. anyways, SOUKOKU RUNNING AWAY FROM A PARTY 

no because they would?? (tysm tille for all the brainrotting material) this sounds so taylor swift but her songs basically scream skk so that’s ok. soukoku being forced to attend some gathering of organisations in mori’s stead because he had other matters (that definitely do not include fukuzawa, no no) to attend to. the party goes on into night time and why is there ballroom dancing oh no-

ok but i hc dazai as a bad dancer cuz of his lanky ass limbs, and he feels kind of awkward dancing with random strangers, even if he doesn’t show it. chuuya is an amazing dancer though, which is evident when a bunch of ladies crowd around him, hoping that he would somehow pick them from the crowd of frills and lace.

but instead, chuuya’s hands grasp onto dazai’s ones tightly, and they barely make it out the door before the music starts playing. reddish brown eyes stare down at the slightly larger hands that wrap around his own, and dazai can feel his cheeks flushing despite the cool night air. their dress shoes clack against the gravel and they arrive in the middle of a sea of flowers, a small pavilion up ahead.

chuuya huffs, reluctantly loosening his grip on the other’s warm fingers before letting his own hand drop to his side, already missing the feeling of dazai’s hand against his. they’re finally away from the party, and he pulls off his jacket and throws it onto the stone seats of the pavilion.

dazai quietly stares at him, his hands tightening into fists before letting go. he rocks on his heels to the beat of the ballroom music they can barely hear, and he sucks in a deep breath before approaching chuuya.

“may i have this dance then, mon cher?”

[lizzie-lance]

Guess which rabbit hole I have fallen down into!! *sobs into hands*

Equivalent exchange: ranposano meeting vs fukumori divorcing

[sonic-oc-central]

Welcome to Sonic OC Central!

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[knockyasocksoff2022]

I love soukoku relationship reveals as much as anyone and they're fun to write, but for me Fukumori (Zenki Soukoku) is undeniabley the best.

I mean Soukoku, while the agency would never guess, is fair. Dazai is a wild card and they don't know anything about his past. Banging a mafia executive seems like sometjing he would do. Now marriage and finding out Dazai actually kept a commitment is a bit more shocking, but still once you find out how long they've known eachother and all they've been through it makes sense. Even if they're dynamic may seem weird as hell.

And then there's Shin Soukoku. I think the people most suprised to find out they're dating is them. I mean we've all see how gay they are for ecahother, litterally not even Kunikida is suprised at this point.

But Fukumori . . . now that's different. Fukuzawa Yukichi is the kind man who feeds stray cats, adopted an orphan whom nobody else wanted, started a detective agency to SOLVE CRIME, cares for his employees, and is best dad boss 100/100.

So to find out he's banging, and more than that, married to the boss of the Port Mafia, a man who is cold an calculating and kills people with surgical tools is just fucking insane, like absolutkley fucking wild, and I cannot tell you how much I love writing relationship reveals for these two!

[head-empty-just-sigma]

What is the point?

seriously, what is it?

hah, gottem

basically i want to discuss how Atsushi’s image of Dazai and other influential characters in his life have changed over the course of the story. including his own ability, the White Tiger itself

also, i plan on doing a copium-driven theory of how zenki soukoku may mirror soukoku’s reuniting from chapter 31 in a future chapter, which should be posted before chapter 106 hopefully

also also, i want to decipher Dazai’s mental gymnastics a bit as his dialogue in ch105 is making my analyst brain cells tingle but this might take a while to write, so it might be posted next month? idk

🔺spoilers for chapter 105 (the most recent chapter as of writing this), chapters 24, 28-29, 35, 39, 51-53, 63-64, 84-87, 102, and 103.5, and Dead Apple🔻

i won’t lie, this ended up being pretty long. skip to the end of the post for a pseudo-TLDR of my main points for chapter 105 specifically if you don’t feel like reading it all

First, we have the man who stole the show from Atsushi; Dazai

We start, not at the very beginning, but the first event that sparked Atsushi's development of Dazai's image beyond just seeing him as his superior in the ADA.

I’m sure we all can recognize this panel, from back in chapter 24 when Atsushi began to fall to the inner turmoil over his ability all over again. Dazai would have none of it, doing the only thing he knows how to do as a ‘mentor’. He physically slaps Atsushi to shock him out of his train of thought, and then proceeds to say some of the most meaningful lines to ever come out of his mouth; he tells Atsushi that he can’t wallow in self-pity, because all it would do is trap him in an endless nightmare. This is really the first time Dazai has given straight-up advice to Atsushi in a way that’s clear and forward, instead of saying it in some weird riddle for Atsushi to figure out on his own.

I think this is important because it’s only after this point that Atsushi begins to turn to Dazai in his mind when he needs to come up with plans on his own.

In situations where Atsushi isn’t sure what to do or needs to come up with a plan on his own, he uses Dazai as a point of reference. ‘What would Dazai do?’ He also firmly believes that Dazai will be there to support him, as we see in chapter 28 and 29 where he jumps out of the Moby Dick and does all he can to deliver Kyuusaku’s Dogra Magra doll to Dazai, which is a plan he made all on his own just with the firm belief that Dazai would be there to nullify the doll. This is reinforced by Dazai telling him that he was indeed waiting for Atsushi to land with the doll.

A little less important for Dazai’s development is chapter 39. In 39, Atsushi asks Dazai of all people for advice on how to express how he feels after finding out the Orphanage Director died, despite the fact that Dazai 1. never had a father figure either besides Mori, and 2. is one of the most emotionally constipated characters in the entire series. This just proves that Atsushi believes he can rely on Dazai for more than just things relating to the ADA, which I think stemmed from Dazai’s lines in chapter 24. There’s also the few times where Atsushi begins to notice and understand Dazai’s facial expressions, and generally understands his mental gymnastics a little bit better.

Nothing else of note happens between Atsushi and Dazai until chapter 63, where Atsushi ‘hallucinates’ Dazai for the first time. Atsushi is essentially on his own at this point, and he knows this, which makes him begin to doubt himself. This moment of self doubt sparks the hallucination of Dazai asking Atsushi if he was going to give up that easily, which gives Atsushi the little push he needed to ask himself ‘What would Dazai do?’ in this situation. From there, he’s able to confidently come up with a detailed plan based on the information available to him. Just like Dazai would do.

After that, the focus of the story becomes pretty scattered honestly. We rarely see the same characters month to month, including Atsushi. The only two points after chapter 63 are in chapter 102, where Dazai tells Atsushi (in his mind) that he needs to wake up because he’s running out of time, and in chapter 105, where Dazai appears at the end of the cast of characters Atsushi sees. Dazai is the last character to appear, to point him (quite literally) in the right direction, to tell him he needs to keep going, as the last bit of encouragement Atsushi needed in order to move forward with what he thinks is the best course of action.

Atsushi, in the beginning, saw Dazai as his superior in the ADA, his coworker, not much different than the other members. As the story progressed and Dazai gave Atsushi advice and continued to point him towards the end goal again and again, no matter how hopeless it seemed, Atsushi now sees Dazai as someone he can look at for inspiration when the situation looks dire, and when all other options are exhausted. Dazai will be there, metaphorically or literally, because Atsushi believes he will be.

Next, let’s talk about the Orphanage Director (aka, the Headmaster)

Besides being single-handedly the worst character in the entire story, the Headmaster serves as one of the major influences over how Atsushi views his ability and his capabilities. His self doubt comes from the abuse at the hands of the Headmaster, who convinced Atsushi he essentially had no worth as a human being.

The first time we see Atsushi hallucinate the Headmaster outside of the typically flashbacks in the beginning is in chapter 28, while Atsushi is trapped on the Moby Dick. Just as he starts to think of what he can do in his situation, the Headmaster appears to spew his doubt of Atsushi’s capabilities. The distraction is momentary, as Atsushi is able to physically swipe away the hallucination after telling the Headmaster to shut up. This is one of the rare times he’s able to confidently defy the words of the Headmaster, which is important considering this occurs after Atsushi’s accident under the influence of Dogra Magra.

Directly after that comes the depressing chapter 29, where we actually see some of the things the Headmaster did to Atsushi. In the span of this one chapter, however, we also learn that besides being a gross example of unrestricted child abuse, the Headmaster had his reasons (albeit twisted, morally wrong, and just plain messed up ones) for his actions. The most obvious reason is Atsushi’s uncontrollable ability. From the flashback in Dead Apple, it’s probably safe to assume that Atsushi’s ability turned him into a fully-grown or mostly fully-grown tiger from the very beginning. The Headmaster kept Atsushi locked up in a cell by himself to minimize the damage done by the tiger. Another reason for his actions was because that’s how he was treated as a child, as he was coincidentally also raised in an abusive orphanage, and humans grow up heavily influenced by those who raised them and the environment surrounding that. To the Headmaster, being abusive was probably the only way he knew how to raise children. Finally, the Headmaster specifically wanted Atsushi to hate him because he was a horrible person. He wanted Atsushi to see his evilness and be repulsed by it, so that when Atsushi saw worse evils outside of the orphanage, he’d naturally hate them, too. The Headmaster also drilled the thought into Atsushi’s head that saving people would give him self worth, so he should do his utmost to save as many people as he could.

Of course, absolutely none of those reasons can excuse the Headmaster’s actions and abuse of Atsushi and the other children in the orphanage. He was truly, and justifiably the worst character in Atsushi’s life. If anything, in the end, he deserved to die.

Dazai’s words to Atsushi in chapter 29 also help him realize that while, yes, he went through absolute hell at the orphanage, that hell raised him to be the person he is now.

The Headmaster appears as a hallucination of sorts in chapter 52 towards the end of shin soukoku’s fight with Ivan. He doesn’t say anything, but Atsushi acknowledges his presence anyway, telling Aku that the Headmaster, despite being dead, still lives in Atsushi’s mind. But, Atsushi understands that as long as he follows a righteous path and saving people, he can rid himself of the Headmaster eventually.

It’s also notable that he does not appear in chapter 105, meaning he doesn’t hold as much influence over Atsushi as he used to compared to the characters who do show up.

In the end, Atsushi has come to terms with the fact that while the Headmaster made his childhood miserable, and caused him a lot of mental anguish, the misery did it’s job of teaching Atsushi to be a good person. Although in a twisted, unhealthy way.

Let’s move on to Akutagawa

Aku doesn’t hold as much influence over Atsushi compared to the previous two characters, but Atsushi’s image and opinion of Aku has definitely changed over time

At the beginning, Atsushi had plenty of reasons to see Aku as just a dangerous mafioso who kills others in a gross display of strength. This view never really changes much in the beginning of their forced partnership, and Aku also continuously tries to pick fights with Atsushi on missions, so he’s not helping his case much.

The first time this begins to change is chapter 35, during the fight between shin soukoku and Fitzgerald. Atsushi decides to ask Aku if he’s foolish for wanting to escape the past (his childhood trauma) by fighting to save others. Aku answers yes, he is foolish. Because the pain of the past has nothing to do with who Atsushi is now. Atsushi commits this to the back of his mind, and in return, offers Aku the fact that Dazai probably already acknowledged him a long time ago. This trade of confirmation marks the true beginning of development in how Atsushi sees Akutagawa.

The next time they’re forced to work together is chapter 51-53, where it seems like Atsushi’s views haven’t changed much, but that’s not necessarily the case. Atsushi reuses the point that he sees Aku as someone who jumps to murder before thinking about the mission, which is true considering Aku wanted to fight Atsushi instead of focus on their mission. However, after Atsushi insults Aku, instead of trying to kill him, Aku kind of just accepts it. And whatever expression he made, Atsushi certainly saw it and understood it. After this, Aku and Atsushi have their first real conversation about their individual motives for fighting. This gives them a better understanding of each other, and serves as the catalyst for Aku’s follow up question near the end of their fight with Ivan. Atsushi reveals that the Headmaster still haunts him, so he must continue to save others to rid himself of his past, which Aku accepts as a good enough answer to make the biggest development in their partnership: the Black Tiger Claws singularity. Not to mention, some of their lines from these chapters revealed that the two of them understand each other better because they tried to kill each other so much. Atsushi also seems to be putting more trust in Aku, which probably comes from understanding his motivations and seeing Aku’s attitude changing slowly since chapter 35. Chapter 53 is also when Atsushi made Aku promise to not kill anyone for 6 months.

Then, of course, we have chapters 84-87. Atsushi is at the end of his rope, facing Fukuchi in an impossible 1 vs 1. He’s desperate, wishing he wasn’t alone to face such an evil force. In that moment of despair, Akutagawa appears to offer assistance. Atsushi is surprised, but he realizes that he is no longer alone, because Akutagawa is there. Atsushi has developed his view of Aku from an unreliable and unpredictable murder-hungry mafioso, to a mostly reliable but undeniably strong ally, so much so that he believes the two of them together can beat Fukuchi. Aku also reveals that he’s kept his promise to not kill anyone, which allows Atsushi to further develop his trust in Aku as an ally and partner. Plus, in their strategizing, they both show that they use soukoku as a point of reference for coming up with the best plan based on what they would do.

The biggest show of development is when Atsushi places his full trust in Aku at the end of their fight, as they charge towards each other. Atsushi, now that he’s seen how Aku has grown as a person to become Atsushi’s strongest partner and ally, is able to believe in Aku to know the silent plan between them like their predecessors in soukoku.

“I can’t afford to disappoint Dazai-san”

Akutagawa was there to assist Atsushi on Dazai’s orders. And Atsushi knows this.

Atsushi even acknowledges the trust that has built up between the two of them that got them to this point, as the powerful new generation of soukoku. From enemy to ally, Atsushi has accepted Aku as his partner. Now if only Aku hadn’t died and got vampire-d…

Akutagawa appears as a hallucination in chapter 105, not to insult Atsushi, but to offer a push in the right direction. Look outside, look at what’s ahead, look at the goal you need to reach. Look outside his mind and his past to see what’s waiting for him in the future.

Atsushi’s ability and his acceptance of the Tiger

Atsushi’s ability is pretty unique within the bsd world, considering he can sort of interact and talk to it as a separate entity from himself. The only other person we see do something even remotely close to this is Dostoy when he’s separated from his ability in Dead Apple, and he has a back-and-forth villain monologue with it. Mori can also interact with his own ability, but that’s because his ability is a manifestation, not something in his mind, so he doesn’t count.

In chapter 29, Atsushi is falling out of the sky after jumping from the Moby Dick and being hit by Twain. He’s unconscious, and is doubting his plans to save the city. The Tiger appears in his mind, and proceeds to lunge Atsushi, who allows himself to be attacked. Atsushi merely tells the Tiger to eat, as he hates himself the most, and embraces the Tiger’s head while thanking it for everything it’s done up until then. The Tiger, after hearing Atsushi thank it, suddenly takes over his body and fully transforms mid-air. The Tiger lands on the ground on its feet, as all cats do, despite breaking its own legs in the process. Atsushi’s body is completely unharmed, though. This is the first time the Tiger has acted on its own to save Atsushi (not counting his first battle with Aku).

In chapter 35, we see Atsushi outright ask for the Tiger’s help during the battle with Fitzgerald. This shows he’s beginning to see the Tiger as more than just a dangerous beast that lives inside him, but more as a force he can call upon in times of need for strength. He has no reason to believe the Tiger will listen, but he believes in it anyway, knowing it’s powerful enough to defeat the enemy in front of him.

The Tiger itself doesn’t appear in the manga again after this, but this is probably due to the events of Dead Apple. Dead Apple occurs sometime between the Guild Arc the Cannibalism Arc, and it’s the last time we see the Tiger appear in Atsushi’s mind. After defeating the Tiger in the real world, Atsushi can’t use his ability. In his mind, there’s a large door physically preventing him from using his ability, and only after it’s opened and he accepts what he did in the past that was forgotten, is he able to see the Tiger again. He commands the Tiger to return to him, calling it “Byakko”, meaning ‘White Tiger’ in Japanese. After this, they become one, and Atsushi is able to use an even stronger version of his ability during his fight with Shibusawa.

Calling the Tiger ‘Byakko’ is interesting because Byakko is a celestial creature in Japanese folklore that takes the form of a white tiger, and lives in the western sky. It is one of the four beast gods, represents the virtue of righteousness, and is strongly rooted in Taoism.

What’s important here is that after the events of Dead Apple, it seems like Atsushi has finally accepted the Tiger as part of himself.

Lastly, let’s mention the organizations themselves

The ADA

Of course, the Detective Agency offered Atsushi a home and a found family. At the beginning of the story, he felt bad for involving the people there in his battles, feeling guilty for getting others hurt because they had to save him. However, with enough reinforcement from the members, Atsushi developed confidence in himself and his ability to save and protect others. He also developed a level of trust for each of the members, believing they’re all strong in their own right, and together they can beat even the DOA. In chapter 105, Ranpo, Kunikida, and Kyouka appear in Atsushi’s mind and say things that are difficult to hear, but it’s things they would definitely say to Atsushi in a situation like that. Ranpo’s ‘What about this can’t you understand?’, Atsushi is conflicted about what he needs to do, but he does understand that he needs to do something. Kunikida’s ‘Failure is unacceptable.’, Atsushi knows that he can’t afford to fail, but he also knows that he alone can’t win the fights to come. Kyouka’s ‘You don’t have to do anything.’, Atsushi knows this is technically true if he believes he shouldn’t stop the DOA’s plans, but that’s not for him to decide. He chooses to leave the final decision to Fukuzawa, believing he’d know what to do in this situation.

The Port Mafia

This organization is the original enemy, and Atsushi knows this. The only member he truly trusts is Akutagawa. However, from the events in chapter 29 where he sees the PM doing everything in their power to preserve the city, he believes they could be an ally for the ADA in upcoming battles. He might not totally trust them or rely on the PM to be proper allies, but he does know that they’re a powerful organization that cares about the city and is willing to do just about anything to protect it.

The Guild, but mainly Fitzgerald

The Guild was never an option to work with, they presented themselves as an enemy and were defeated in the end. Atsushi would never be willing to work with The Guild as it was during its arc, but Fitzgerald by himself is another story. He has a powerful weapon, the camera network Eyes of God, at his disposal. Atsushi knows that, and given Fitzgerald also has no allies similar to the ADA during the Hunting Dogs arc, Atsushi believes he might be able to convince Fitzgerald to work with him in chapter 63 and 64. He also knows that Fukuzawa would probably scold him for making a deal with Fitzgerald, but he does it anyway after seeing Mitchell in desperate need of help. Fitzgerald appears in chapter 105 to cast doubt upon Atsushi, saying that nobody expects anything from him, but Atsushi knows that that’s not true anymore. The ADA and his friends believe in him, so he must keep moving.

The end.

Those are all the points I had, after rereading the majority of the series to see the development in real time now that I have so much of the story available to read all at once. Atsushi has accepted his ability as a part of himself, not as a dangerous burden for him to carry. Chapter 105 shows that Atsushi’s views of the people in his life have certainly changed and developed over time, but at the same time, it shows how Atsushi sees their influence over him as well. The 3 ADA members are pretty general, saying something you’d expect them to say. Fitzgerald doubts Atsushi by himself, only working with him because he thinks the ADA has the best chance to win. Akutagawa reminds Atsushi that he’s not bound by the past, that he needs to look outside towards the future and towards the end goal. Dazai doesn’t have anything to say, because he doesn’t need to, he merely needs to point Atsushi in the right direction.

[isagrimorie]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you @curator-on-ao3 for tagging me!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

48 stories

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

134,192 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Person of Interest, Life (NBC), Firefly, Doctor Who, Glee, Legacies, Fringe, Ranma 1/2, Once Upon a Time, Bunheads, Burn Notice, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Conversations with Dead People (Life, Sameen Shaw )- Shaw can see dead people.

Definitely, Maybe (Person of Interest, Root/Shaw) - It starts with a phone call.

Runtime Issues - (Person of Interest, Root/Shaw) - Root's on a deadline but she keeps running into one consistent problem.

Personal Day (Sameen Shaw, Root/Shaw, Person of Interest) - Shaw is taking a personal day, she's had it all planned. Cooked meal and Bear. But best laid plans are always thwarted.

Dodging Bullets - (Person of Interest/Mr & Mrs Smith Fusion, Root/Shaw) - On paper, Sam Shaw is a successful New York doctor in a stable relationship with a successful software consultant. In reality, Shaw is a Government assassin, a little bored with her stable relationship until a new mission starts shaking things up.

5. Do you respond to comments?

If I do, as much as possible, even though sometimes I feel repetitive thanking people for the comments.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think it has to be Metamorphosis. Person of Interest -- a little bit of an AU to the finale. Proposing what if Harold didn't make it. But Shaw was there and Root!Machine to see him off.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think it might be the Life (NBC)'s Gethsemane.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I don't think so. At least, I hope not!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I am not confident writing smut, I only did it once in Life. I don't think I moved it from livejournal to ao3.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I do! I love crossovers! There's the one where Dani Reese and Sameen Shaw are estranged twins, unfortunately unfinished called Gemini. And a Person of Interest/Elementary crossover.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I... don't think so. As far as I know but I would welcome it!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Oh, I tried but I don't think I've ever finished one. TBF I hardly finish any fic.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

This is so hard to answer because this is... what you would call seasonal. Right now in Trek 90s phase, it's Janeway/Seven. Although I am a multishipper sometimes Janeway/Chakotay sneaks in.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The list is waaay too long. But there's Dodging Bullets, the Mr and Mrs Smith but Root/Shaw, the aforementioned Gemini. The Person of Interest/Elementary crossover.

The Hope/Lizzie Legacies AU where Lizzie decides to stay in season 4 and help Hope during the time Lizzie split from Hope.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I do get the character voices right.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I seldom finish a story, unfortunately.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

If I find someone who is fluent, I would want to consult with them.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

It was an anime called Zenki. It was written in a mix of Tagalog and English.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

There are several:

New Ground (Doctor Who, Rose Tyler) - Rose on Parallel Earth AU before it was jossed by Journey's End.

Six months after Norway, she's moving on and letting go.

The first multi-chaptered story I've ever finished.

Human Landscape (Life, Dani Reese centric)

the sound of the city tonight / keeps my dreams and my demons alive. Reese and Crews solve the murder of two young drug dealers.

The longest fic I've ever written, a Reese-centric story with case-of-the-week elements.

I'm still proud of this because I started the story with an idea and it went through as planned. It's also the first I wrote in a stream-of-consciousness style that would be the style for most of my Life story.

I had such a strong sense of who Dani Reese was and I was gripped with the desire to write Dani's prequel story. And I'm glad I did!

Metamorphosis - (Person of Interest, Harold Finch, Sameen Shaw. Finale AU-ish.)

Once, long ago, when he realized the Machine had handpicked Sameen Shaw to join their team, he found the notes Dr. Shaw’s Chief Resident wrote. It struck Harold how much of a small-minded fool the doctor was to let such a talented and brilliant woman like Shaw go. She was his doctor and he trusted no other doctor than Miss Shaw.

I just re-read this story and I am pretty proud of this. The title is from the Philip Glass music playing in the finale. I love Finch and Shaw's friendship, so I wanted them to have more scenes.

Also, I was never that convinced Harold escaped unscathed. He either escapes but as trade-off, he gets his father's illness, or he doesn't escape.

“I can’t move you, Harold.” There was an edge of frustration in her words. “If I’d made it here sooner–” Shaw never needed comfort nor assurances but Harold regretted… He regretted too many things. Over her shoulder, Harold fancied he saw a woman in Root’s form with a black belted coat. She smiled at him sadly and placed a ghostly hand on Shaw’s shoulder. Sharp and still. Harold placed his hand over hers, his hand was sticky from his own blood. “I understand, Miss Shaw.” Shaw finally stopped moving. She looked at him for a long, long moment, and then she nodded. Harold watched as she wiped her hands on her pants, pulled his glasses from his face, and cleaned them. Miss Shaw's features came to sharp focus when she returned them. And then she sat next to him.

Tagging: If anyone would love to participate, please feel free! Just pick it up and move it along!

And I'd like to tag a few names but please don't feel obligated to participate in this if you don't want to!

@terapsina, @tea-earl-grey, @coraniaid, @explosionshark, @mihrsuri,

[vividracing]

New Post has been published on https://www.vividracing.com/blog/139824-2/

In 2022, car enthusiasts all over the United States were anxiously awaiting the arrival of the Nissan Z. In the new Z, not 400Z, it seems Nissan answered all of our prayers. Equipped with a 3.0L VR30DDTT Twin Turbo V6 and a 6 speed FS6R31 manual transmission, the new Z34 (Kouki Z34) seemed to fill all the gaps Nissan left in the Zenki Z34 and R35 that left true drivers wanting more. With a power output at an even 400hp (298kw; 406ps) and 350 ftlbs (475 N-m 48 kg-m) of torque, the new Z34 was unlike any of its predecessors and a breath of fresh air in the middle of the ‘Sports Car Electrification Movement’. Nissan then broke some hearts, mine included, when they announced the 420hp, 384ftlb Z34 Nismo would be equipped with a rebadged Mercedes 9G-Tronic automatic transmission manufactured under Jatco as the JR913E and that there would be no manual option for the Nismo Z. Their reasoning: Even with more power, the automatic sport model would be faster in the ¼ mile than a manual Nismo, and they feared consumers would care.

Fast forward to release day, and the reasonably priced Nissan Z saw dealer markups of over $70,000 over MSRP on what could be Nissan’s final true sports car. Somehow, clout and fear of missing out beat common sense and they sold like hotcakes. So much so, that as of the writing of this article, the least expensive USED Nissan Z on the market is being offered at $7,000 above NEW MSRP. Now to bring it all into perspective, if you were an early buyer of a Nissan Z, you’re punching in Audi RS5 Coupe, BMW M4 Competition xDrive, and C8 Corvette territory price-wise, except you likely have cloth seats, less power, and are a good deal slower from 0-60 than your newly priced out competition… and the EFI scientist here at Vivid Racing just can’t let you go out like that.

Interested in this Nissan Z Tuning Box? Order Here

While we have options for your interior woes, and styling upgrades that make the car look the part of the markup, we were focused on two things and two things only: horsepower and torque… and drivability (I’m aware that’s three things). When this Two-tone Ikazuchi Yellow Tricoat / Super Black Kouki Z34 rolled into our dyno lab, we were impressed. It put down an underrated 405hp and 475ftlbs of torque through the automatic transmission, which was more than we all expected. Immediately wanting to unlock the ECU and start our flash process, the customer let us know the factory warranty was very important to him and that he would like to keep it. Luckily here at VR Tuned, we have developed a Warranty-safe tune with our VR Tuned Tuning Box. Basically, this system acts as a piggy back. It requires no cutting or splicing and does not modify the way any of the factory sensors work. Instead, through science and electrical engineering and magic, it provides safe, modified data to the factory ECU, allowing us modify boost, fuel and spark strategies that ultimately results in a 65hp increase over stock and 85 more ftlbs or torque through our VR Forged wheels.

To make it more user-friendly for the driver, we included optional Bluetooth control for both iOS and Android platforms, allowing the user to quickly change between 7 performance maps, or simply turn the tuning box off for emissions purposes from their phone. With 3 active drive modes (Race, Sport, and Eco) included, and German tuning box construction, we feel Vivid Racing has crafted the ultimate tuning solution for Nissan Z owners looking to retain their factory warranty. We also found the best exhaust system for making big power, and the best suspension system to keep it all under control, so there’s no need to take it one step at a time. The next stop for us and the Z should be a track day, so subscribe if you want to see more.

So whether you want to be the talk of the town at the next local cars and coffee, or you want to take a few hot laps around the track in extreme comfort, shoot me an email at iori@vividracing.com to get your Z right.

Product Featured: VR Tuned ECU Tuning Box Kit V2 Nissan Z | 400Z

[whomtheangelsname]

greetings

hey fellow friends from tumblr, this being my greeting and first post, hello to all of you!

some info abt me:

-im lev or lyov call me either

-im a trans-male get off my page if you're homophobic

-also get off if you're racist

-i mostly write for fun and i take requests

what i write for:

-bsd ships: soukoku, shin soukoku, suegiku, tachigin, higugin, siglai, fyolai, atsulucy

-i can also do different ships by request, the only thing i wont do is any ships with kyouka since she's 14 and mori(no zenki soukoku or those p3d0 ships for you)

-genshin ships: literally anything unless you ship a child (yes sayu and qiqi do count) with someone (unless like a platonic friend/sibling relationship) or it's just some stupid non-relevant ship you came up with, i will not also write kaeluc leave my page if you ship them romantically.

-i can write for other fandoms but i don't really know ships form any other ones so ask me if i know it and if i can do it

-i also have a wattpad acc which im planning on writing one-shots for ships and will be using tumblr for headcanons or art stuff(im not a talented artist dont expect much) if you want to go follow my wattpad acc: whomtheangelsname

-also one last thing before i end this post, even though i write lowercase on this post and probably more future posts, when im writing something i always am careful about uppercase and lowercase stuff idk what to call it since English isnt my first language

-anyway have a nice day and comment if you have any reqs!

[ravenstakeflight]

j,k,n

Hey, Hex!

(the ask game)

J: What’s your favorite fanfic trope?  Have you written it?

... Yeah. I mean. Secret relationship and angst??? They're two of my favorite tropes. I'm still working on my coffee shop AUs, but... yeah.

K:  Do you have a guilty pleasures in fic (reading or writing)?

I'm not really guilty in reading or writing; I'm wholly straightforward about most things. That said, there are a few things that I read in incognito in the middle of the night, and no one's ever gonna get them out of me.

N: Any fic ideas brewing that you’d care to share?

Oh my god so many actually wait-

Soukoku vs Zenki Soukoku vs Shin Soukoku: A Three-Way Fight, and no Corruption allowed. (Soukoku wins.)

The secret relationship mafia coffee shop firstprince au that I think about sometimes :,)

A wedding fic for firstprince

BNHA/DC crossover centered around my BNHA OC and her relationship to the Batfamily

BATFAM WORKS

And, regretfully, others :,)

[zenki-soukokq]

State of Requests, Ask Criteria (?), etc.

Asks are usually always open for anything, really! :)

Matchups: Closed

Headcanons/Scenarios: Open

Short Fic/Drabble: Open

I'm not ok with writing about:

P3doph1lia

1nc3st

Extreme violence (ex. heavy gore, particularly descriptive violence)

Smut/heavily 18+ content

For the most part, there's nothing else that I'm really against writing. Don't be afraid to ask if there's something you're unsure about, though!

My Tags:

#zenki's matchups (for all matchup-related content)

#zenki's 'announcements' (for announcement-like posts)

#zenki's asks (for asks not really related to anything specific)

#zenki's writings (for any sort of short-fic or something similar)

As time goes on, more tags will be added here! I'm just too lazy to make a masterlist lol

Extra:

I'm considering also posting art on this blog, but that may or may not end up happening ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (also analysis things, but idk)

If you're unsure about anything on here, don't be afraid to ask! I'm happy to answer :D

[bungoustraypups]

speaking of this post abt dazai and mori parallels since it got me thinking

the greatest change we witness, in "dog days are over", in mori's willingness to be vulnerable and open up and reconnect with how he feels and not continue ignoring his own emotions, happens after he tells fukuzawa what happened to his daughter, almost 18 years ago at this point in the timeline, and that's not a coincidence

chapter 3 is mori's defining moment in that fic. not just because he's finally sharing the story and trauma he's been shouldering on his own for nearly two decades, but also because fukuzawa's reaction is vital to mori realizing that what happened was not his fault, and that what happened to him was wrong and never should've happened.

eventually i'll get more in-depth on how he feels about himself in BSPverse, but to briefly summarize: mori, like many trauma victims who have yet to heal in any way shape or form, is incapable of looking at his past self objectively. he judges how he was in the past by how he is and what he knows in the current, not by how he was at the time in reality. mori looks at the red flags he now knows are red flags in his ex and goes "i should've known" and places blame on himself without stopping to think about the fact that, at the time, he never would've realized the things his ex was doing were like. bad. because he was just doing what almost every adult in his life prior to that had done to him before. the only difference is they were married and therefore mori saw it as his responsibility to cater to what his ex wanted regardless of what that meant for him

but the biggest problem with how mori sees himself is that he assumes everyone else sees the same thing and agrees with him on it. so when fukuzawa very openly says things that go against this, it finally starts getting through to him. fukuzawa isn't the first person in his life to disagree with him on how he sees himself - kouyou and hirotsu specifically see him in a kinder light than he does, not to the same degree but still - but mori is able to brush it off with the excuse of "they don't really know me", and to some degree he's right

but he can't do that with fukuzawa. his own logic gets used against him because not only does fukuzawa know him, and know him well, especially since they used to be partners, but fukuzawa has seen those dark parts of mori, the parts that are truly awful and the parts of him that are willing to do reprehensible things, and ultimately, has still chosen to love him and stay by his side. not out of obligation or because mori is his boss, but because he wants to. no one else has ever done that for him before

and also, mori knows fukuzawa wouldn't soothe or console him for something he felt he was responsible for, or was his own fault, a consequence of his actions. so when he does that, mori is able to get the idea for the first time in his life that there were times where he was, indeed, a victim of someone else's cruelty, and not just a fool who ignored the signs and was punished as a result

the entirety of "dog days are over" is also important to who mori becomes in BSPverse because he learns the valuable lesson that vulnerability doesn't always lead to the worst case scenario. it is possible for him to have and maintain healthy relationships without someone dying as a result, which is largely why he didn't do it in the past. there are times where he doesn't have to manipulate the outcome of every interaction and he or someone else won't die as a result

most importantly, "dog days are over" is where mori finally truly learns that he can be safe, even if only sometimes, even if only with fukuzawa. and i think that's beautiful

to close with an excerpt from chapter 9:

Now, as Ougai pulls back far enough to look into Yukichi's eyes - into the eyes of the man who would move Heaven, Earth, and Hell without question for Ougai, and their child (their family, Ougai reminds himself, because that's what they are, what they have here), if only they asked him to, or if he thought they needed him to - he finally feels the truth that I am not alone anymore, I am not loving alone this time settle in his mind, in his heart, in his soul, in his very being. The feeling he gets from that realization is almost as warm, comforting, and safe as Yukichi's embrace.

[its-a-journal-of-ideals]

fukumori hades/persephone au is up

you can find it here!! it's only the first chapter so far, but more is forthcoming!

@sword-dad-fukuzawa @scalpel-mom-mori @headfullonlythoughts1 it's here yall

[scalpel-mom-mori]

Writertober day 31: Halloween

Yukichi really doesn’t like Western clothes

Guys I took one look at that Mayoi card and kinda went “I want that one”

It was only after he was half-dressed already that Yukichi remembered why he didn’t usually bother with Western clothes. Well, half-dressed in the sense that he had about half the clothing piled on the bed on his body. Pants, two shirts (a plain shirt, and a button-down), socks and boots. “What’s taking so long?” Mori-sensei called from the other side of the door. “Is it the tie?”

Yukichi didn’t respond. He despised ties with a passion.

“It’s the tie,” Mori-sensei decided, and entered.

Mori-sensei, to be fair, wasn’t short. He wasn’t particularly tall, but he wasn’t short. But he was short enough that he came up to about Yukichi’s nose, which is to say, a very awkward height difference for Mori-sensei to be standing as close as he was.

It briefly crossed his mind that Mori-sensei might just try and strangle him, and that it probably wasn’t the best idea to let Mori-sensei adjust anything hanging from his neck, but if Mori-sensei truly meant to kill him, he’d wait at least till Yukichi was fully dressed.

That’s just the sort of petty, spiteful man Mori-sensei was.

But Mori-sensei didn’t try anything. He finished with the tie and stepped back. “You almost look normal.”

Yukichi frowned at him and began working at the belt, silently praying that Mori-sensei wouldn’t offer to help with that too. It was awkward enough to maneuver the sword without him.

Not for the first time, he silently cursed Mori-sensei and his practical jokes.

Mori-sensei sits on the bed, eyeing Yukichi like he was a slab of meat. Yukichi, however, refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he’s uncomfortable, and picked up the next piece. A vest, Victorian-style. He made a face and put it on. Then a jacket.

“Is all this really necessary if the jacket covers it all anyway?”

Mori-sensei’s face was a strange, indecisive mix of smug and offended. “Of course!”

Yukichi made a face and picked up the remaining jacket. A pair of gloves fell out of a pocket. He frowned at Mori-sensei, who only smiled smugly in return.

“The fur is atrocious.”

“And expensive,” Mori-sensei countered.

Yukichi shook his head, scowling, sticking an arm in. It was warm, he supposed. Heavy, though. “It feels like I can barely move,” he grumbled.

“I do it just fine,” Mori-sensei quipped as Yukichi tugged on the gloves.

“Your pants aren’t this tight,” Yukichi shot back, shaking a leg, half-testing his mobility. Somehow, he wouldn’t be surprised if this stupid stunt was another half-assed attempt to handicap him so an assassin might have half a chance.

Mori-sensei snickered. “Maybe not,” he allowed. “Don’t forget the hat.”

“Costume fetish,” Yukichi muttered under his breath, recalling how his counterpart would always be dressing Elise up.

“Hardly,” Mori-sensei replied, slightly miffed. “I just wanted to see you in an outfit that isn’t a crime against fashion.”

[knockyasocksoff2022]

My Works In Progress Even Though Nobody asked:

1) A yet to be titled fic about Dazai getting Kunikida drunk for blackmail. Haven’t started writing, just planning.

2) A soukoku relationship reveal fic (yes, I know i already have so many. BUT WE NEED MORE!) Almost finished writing

3) Some soukoku sickfics. I think I’ve got like one scentence for each of them.

4) A few realtionship reveals I’ve started an abandoned (all for Soukoku.)

5) A Fukumori/Zenki Soukoku relatioonship reveal, set in the same time frame as Dancing With My Love.