#zekitalks

[vknq]

anyone wanna read the first 500-ish words of my fic and tell me i'm doing a good job? :)

[vknq]

why am i an outliner................ i hate outlining.............

[vknq]

hello everybody.

i realise i accidentally went on a bit of an impromptu hiatus. oops.

a lot of things happened in my personal life that have greatly affected me emotionally and it catapulted me into a depressive state that i have since come out of again. expectedly so, it stripped me of motivation and inspiration, and forced me to just take a break and tend to my wounds.

while i was off taking care of my mental health and prioritising emotional healing, i’ve also had time to think about my blog and more specifically my experience in the fic community.

NOTE: i’m not here to take a jab at readers or mindlessly complain about notes. that’s not at all what this is. i think enough people have talked about overall reader engagement and the lack of it. i see no reason to repeat their words, nor is it where the issue lies for me personally.

during the 6 or so months i’ve been here, i’ve experienced very empty support from fellow writers (no i ain’t gonna single anyone out bc it’s been a general issue of mine). i’ve had my upcoming works hyped up, my released fics supposedly saved to people’s tbr lists, i’ve had people ping me saying they’re totally gonna read my fics, whether that be on tumblr or discord, however less than half of said fellow writers went through with reading less than half of what they claimed to have very great interest in. and it’s not like they haven’t had the time. it’s been sitting there for months.

but okay, hear me out: i wanna make it very clear that i have absolutely no problem with people not reading my fics. i’d never force anyone to, i’d never expect my fics to be for everyone. if it’s not for you, then it’s not for you, and honestly it’s all good bro. but the thing that makes me feel great disappointment is when i’m being told to expect engagement... and then to not get any. expecting to hear from all the people that expressed to me they were gonna read my fics, only to hear nothing for months on end.. i don’t think it’s shocking that it left me feeling very disappointed. and the support and interest just feels empty, fleeting, and not genuine.

it has puzzled me ‘cause it comes from fellow writers who are very aware of the importance of engagement, even if it’s just a little. i am of course okay with someone not reading my fics and showing no interest in them. like i said; if it’s not for you, it’s not for you. it’s all good bro i’d never force it down anyone’s throat.

but don’t tell me you’re gonna read ‘em, if you’re not gonna read ‘em. it builds up expectation that is then never met. it’s a set-up with no pay-off.. and it has been particularly bad with my fic series, astral combat.

speaking of astral combat, it’s officially dropped. i have no desire to continue it. both for the reasons mentioned above, but also simply because of my own mistake of putting months of work into a fic that little to none will care about. that one is my own fault, like i shouldn’t have put my all into it, i was definitely doing too much. i know. the amount of effort and work i had to do on it... gosh, it’s just not worth it when the engagement is barely there. the imbalance is too harsh for me to continue it.

anyway, all these things have drained me of motivation, inspiration, and honestly it’s drained me of a wish to continue writing. ‘cause of empty support, fleeting interest, and a massively lacklustre sense of community.. even from fellow writers.

you are more than welcome to disagree and disregard this post, shrug it off, and keep scrolling. you have every right to do so. it’s 100 percent valid if your experience on this platform has been different from mine. this is simply me voicing how my experience has been. i think it’s very telling that i got tired after only 6 months lol

if you do disagree and feel the need to voice your opinion, i won’t stop you, you are free to do that, however i will ask of you to please not be rude, dismissive, or disrespectful about it. this post was not made to spark debate, but rather to just convey my reasoning as to why i’m gonna take a step back from writing fics... for now.

vsualitae is officially on a semi-hiatus.

i might write, i might not. i don’t know yet. i just know that right now i can’t be assed. excuse my french. i’d rather focus my energy on other goals i have in my life. i am a bit sad, ‘cause i have so many ideas for fics, however time will tell if i decide to write them or not. i guess you’ll know if i randomly pop in and jumpscare you with a release lmao

i do wanna say thank you to all of you that have read my published fics, especially those of you who have reblogged with reviews, i am beyond thankful for your kind support <3 know that i’ve taken it to heart and i really, really appreciate it!

[vknq]

vsualitae → vknq

[vknq]

y'all i'm boozed up tonight... and bored as shit now that my brother left lmao

[vknq]

this is the fourth night in a row that mr g-dragon has occupied my dreams............. can he not? it's quite rude to tease me like that, he better not try for a fifth night

[vknq]

first chapter is officially at 1.2k now ayyyy i'm having fun

[vknq]

i usually watch 'the holiday' every single year during christmas bc it's literally one of my favourite movies, but the fact that i don't feel like watching it this year??? that says enough about what kind of year i've had. 2024 sucked balls.

do i dare to jinx 2025 by saying i hope it'll be better???

[vknq]

just finished watching 'kwon ji yong act III: motte' ....... and man, that was a tough watch!!! but like, in a good way? if good is even the right word to use. it was really interesting and insightful yet simultaneously so raw and honestly kind of sad. oddly enough it resonated rather deeply with me, even tho i'm not a superstar lol but yeah, really beautifully edited as well. very artistic!

[vknq]

the fact that people are still harassing, fighting against and hating on t.o.p for smoking a little weed EIGHT YEARS AGO is fucking beyond me!!!! watch the same fucking people cry and whine about the unfair treatment of idols/celebs in korea if something ever were to happen to him... not like they haven't driven him to attempt before... that poor man, i hope he stays strong and remembers that there are many, many people who still love and support him through life!!! and who are very excited to see him in squid game s2 <3

[vknq]

426 words done today. better than nothing ay

[vknq]

i made a playlist for my skins au fic. just started the first chapter of seven! 🤘

[vknq]

ok but some of these songs on my 2024 wrapped is .... not songs i listened to a lot in 2024 like, at all?

exo songs like "sign", "love me right" and "growl", bts songs like "fake love", "come back home" and "save me", blackpink's "boombayah", and especially nct 127's "limitless"??? like don't get me wrong, i like these songs a lot, but.. i KNOW i didn't listen to these songs a lot this year. not to the degree that they'd make it onto my wrapped????

i listened WAY MORE to songs like "ode to the bouncer" by studio killers, "bailamos" by enrique iglesias, "secret agent man" by johnny rivers, "sua cara" by major lazor ft. anitta and pabllo vittar, and tarkan's "şımarık" and "kuzu kuzu" like????

AM I TRIPPING?? i feel like spotify is re-using any songs i listened to like.. last year lmao it feels like only 3/4th of the playlist is actually songs i listened a lot to this year. soooo many songs didn't make it on there that i know i broke the repeat button on!

anyone else got songs on their 2024 wrapped that made you question when tf you listened to that song enough for it to make it on there and beat loads of other songs to the spot???

[vknq]

the fact that gd's height is still a mystery and no one seem to be able to agree on a possible answer is hilarious to me lmao

[vknq]

say what you want, but hoshi's mv for spider is sexier than anything both jungkook and taehyung have collectively put out there. i rest my case.

[vknq]

super tuna made it onto my spotify wrapped <3