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writingmochi · 2 years ago

Text

part 2

cast: taehyun ✗ fem.reader (ft. loona yyxy, txt's hueningkai, and other idols)

synopsis: the year is 1999. cardboard boxes were put on the driveway of the newly-settled home across from where taehyun lives. the five sisters will soon shake the neighborhood with their eccentric personalities yet mysterious auras. the moon sisters. since that day they arrived, taehyun is intrigued by them and especially you, the youngest of the sisters

genre: coming of age, bildungsroman, slice of life, romance, drama, high school au, late 90s au, angst, a tiny bit of fluff, mature content (explicit smut, suicidal characters, depressive episodes)

based on: movie the virgin suicides (1999)

word count: 19282 (19.2k) out of 52076 (52k)

warning(s): tyun wears glasses AND is an amateur boxer, mentally and physically abusive parent, narcissistic parent, gender discrimination, suicide attempt, self-harm, depression, blood, bruises, explicit sex (semi-rough sex for part 2), protected sex, hand job (m & f receive), oral job (m receive), manhandling, dissolution of marriage (broken home peeps, i get you), mentions of arranged marriage, mention of smoking (cigarettes) (if there is something that i forgot, let me know)

message from the moon: remember that this story is fiction and do be careful and read the warnings at the top. all the idols mentioned here are not what they are in real life.

welcome! this is supposed to be a one-shot but because the word count has reached 50k+ and my tumblr errored because of it, i have no choice but to split them in two. so this is part 2! i know this is the shorter part but you also need to take a rest to because of how heavy the topics are. thank you so much and i hope you enjoy it!

cd mix | wall collage

read part 1 first!

you have no regret as mama slaps your cheek when you arrived back home after crossing the street. the burn on your cheek lingers as you hold back your tears. for you, it’s a reality check that you will get nothing you want as long as you are still in high school and live with them.

you see the various expressions your sisters have on their faces as they see you being berated by the person who gave birth to all of them. nothing screams joy in them. and yet, you defended them and taehyun.

taehyun. yeah, your plan didn’t work, yet you blame yourself for everything that happened tonight. all of you are stuck here, getting the brunt of your matriarch’s untrustworthiness towards the whole idea where she also sets a boundary she didn’t expect all of you could pass.

you told mama it’s your fault you’re still out past curfew, telling her you split up with your sisters and go with your date somewhere else on the school grounds, how you’re bored mingling with people and you converse so much with your date—making you lost track of time. that’s why she doesn’t question the disheveled look of your hair, clothes, and the additional piece of clothing you’re wearing from the colder autumn weather.

after being bombarded with your mama’s sayings, you fled back into your room as a throttle of steps followed you. all of them in their sleepwear with you being out of place—like a black swan in a flock of white ones. you expected that they’ll ask you and guilt you like how mama did, like how you’re doing it to yourself as it eats you up from the inside. your shoulders hunch as you sit on your bed, the dried tears from the corner of your eyes still culminating in new ones that are still producing since the fresh moment from downstairs. you wanted to peer at the house across from you, but you didn’t. you didn’t want to feel like you’d lost.

“hey, you seemed different.” hyejoo is the first to approach you, sitting beside you.

you let out a sigh, shaking your head, and licking your bottom lip before replying, “i’m so sorry i lost track of time with taehyun. you can blame me for whatever thing we might get from my shitty carelessness.”

“we could talk after you cleaned up. your eyeliner is so smudged…” sooyoung commented as she caressed your messy hair. picking up your pyjama from the wardrobe, you gave a tight-lip smile to them before going to the bathroom.

you can see the hickeys taehyun left on you clearer when you clean your make-up by the mirror. the dark spots scatter at the skin between your collarbone and neck while a few are on your chest. fingers pressing against one of them, you close your eyes, returning to that moment with taehyun as your body reacts to the pleasure you remembered. you force yourself to stop from the memory and face the reality of your consequences.

sitting down in a circle inside the nightlight-lit room, you dried your hair with a towel as your sisters tell you stories about what they did with their date. sooyoung and juyeon had an impromptu photoshoot as the king and queen of homecoming for the yearbook club. jiwoo and gyuri sat on the bleachers of the indoor court, conversing about her date’s play with the theater. chaewon and seungmin hung out in the school’s greenhouse—her club’s place. hyejoo and sunwoo played football on the field with the rest of the boys’ team and girls’ team. their guts told them how the night is getting late when they returned to juyeon’s van as it brought them home. you and taehyun disappear. they searched for both of your whereabouts but gave up on it.

as the spotlight turns to you, you gnaw the inside of your cheek before you say, “i tried to pursue him to run away with me.”

escaping has always been the matter you talk about once every month or when one of you thought about it. all of you put together many plans to escape your parents. you recall sooyoung’s plan on working part-time at university to save money so when all of you have graduated, you can move away and try to build your life with her. but, it all changed when your mama pushed sooyoung back one year below her, making her and jiwoo in the same year—and what sooyoung theorizes is how she can control her more. sooyoung was supposed to graduate this year but with that circumstances, she can’t.

“then…” chaewon leans into the conversation.

“i got selfish. i got mad that he focuses on his own life. he got mad that i didn’t care for all of you to run away by myself. he’s-“ you let out a somber smile. “i’m sorry. i plan this without thinking of all of you. i’m tired and angry and i don’t want to live this life anymore until she will let us go. so i made a path myself and i was hoping he’ll come too. if he agreed, i would have wanted to help all of you to leave.”

you sighed, “i also realize how he’s the same as the guys that pursue us, you know? he doesn’t like me for me. he likes me because i’m in a collective with you. i realize how selfish i am because of it. he was the only one who was brave to chase me. so i take it as a challenge of how much he wants to be with me before i realize i fell too deep for him to recognize other factors.”

hyejoo scoffed before she reaches for your hand, “i shouldn’t have mentioned that motherfucker.”

“no, it’s okay. that’s life, right?” you justified yourself and her. she wraps her arm around your shoulder and gives you a small side hug before you noticed her relax. you turn your head towards her to see her eyebrows raised.

“why is there a bruise on your neck?” you realized where she is going, but didn’t react fast enough as you felt hyejoo brushed your hair and moved your head away, letting her see a hickey on the spot she mentioned.

“i knew it!” hyejoo whisper-yelled as your other sisters crawls to you to show the spot.

“that means…” chaewon questioned, representing all of them.

the weight slides down your shoulder and back as you reply, “yes, i had sex with him too.”

even their reaction is making you laugh as they try their hardest to not make a ruckus as your parents are asleep downstairs. but your shoulders are sore from the number of times they shake you to tell them ‘yeah, you had your first time’ and the only one in your sisters who did it.

“how does it feel?” jiwoo asked, her eyebrows wiggling.

“honestly, overwhelming. it is a concoction i can’t summarize.” you remembered the constant praises between the two of you. “he’s great, and he said i’m great, so that’s that.”

you're glad it's a sunday so all of you talk about what you are facing, what you were thinking, what you had experienced, and other topics the entire night. you learned your sisters were also as selfish as you. hyejoo even mention how she wants to run away by herself at the start of the new school year but it’s not right. sooyoung mentioned how she almost had her first time but didn’t. as the moon sets to the west, the stories are stacked. how envious chaewon is of you and hyejoo being the more active one than she is, while jiwoo mentions the attempts she had to ask girls but didn’t do it because she’ll expose herself as a sapphic. all of your thoughts meet one another that night as the sisters resolve their conflicts in the open round-table conversation. you can state that all of you love each other and it’s very unconditional.

you can state that all of you are teenagers who need to experience life.

well, mama disagrees with that.

you stare at the dropping expression on all of your sisters’ faces at the dining table during breakfast—your heart follows too. you look away when you sense the glare landing on the side of your face. the shame growing inside your heart joint with the drooping of your eyelids as all of you took an all-nighter to talk.

it happens way too fast; you thought. mama’s stories she shares at the table somehow make you feel more guilty, how she said she would be at a school dance with her date and having her nanny with her to grab her food and drink, saying that she never forgets the curfew her parents give. she also cites chaewon as the one that is like her—not mentioning the other three sisters that also arrive home before curfew too. chaewon’s face turns from shock to a frown as mama continues to ramble about how an irresponsible child you are to her. your hands were on your lap when you felt another grasp on one of yours, hyejoo sitting next to you, subtly fuming.

your rebel of a sister explodes after hearing that mama will quit all of your after-school clubs, enrolling all of you back in ballet and musical instruments classes once again.

it happens way too fast when monday comes. you stared at your sisters in your similar-looking uniforms as mama brought you all to school for the first time when she will quit your sisters from the school clubs. it’s weird to see all of you wear the same style, knowing that all of you are inherently different. hyejoo’s wearing more than enough hair tie on her wrists that it battles the bracelets chaewon wears, but you know she’ll be aware of the pain later in the day.

they felt it too as mama’s warning to stay within the five of you the whole day—still ringing in all of your minds. your sisters stayed silent when they come across their former dates. a few of your sisters even spoke to them to leave them alone. when you witness it, you can’t help the guilt eating up inside you as your sisters give small smiles when returning to your crowd of five.

your hands continue picking on your nails as it jitters, imagining a cigarette stick between your fingers and how you tap the ash away as it fell onto the gravel. but mama will rage more if she can smell the recognizable scent from either you or hyejoo. so you both had a truce to stop smoking for the foreseeable future. though with your sisters’ club items being banned, your personal items aren’t as you still allow to bring your discman, but with a twist that you will hear orchestral music around mama if she’ll asked you to let her hear what you’re listening.

your eyesight glance between the hands on your desk to the open door of the classroom as you see the last person you want to see.

taehyun.

you looked at kai nudging his elbow at the boy as he stopped to look towards you. the world comes into a pause as you notice how tired he looks from his enormous eyes. you wanted to comfort him, but your mind lets you recall the conversation at night. you roll your eyes before looking towards the window beside you, glad that you sat with no seatmate.

after school, you went to the ballet classes that hyejoo still joins until this day. the teacher was in shock when she sees hyejoo introducing you and your other sisters—saying that you are going to join them. it feels weird to relearn the ballet positions again as the last time you remember going into the class was at age 7 when mama lets you learn classical guitar. you hear how your joints cracked from the moves as you stare at the dance floor with hyejoo dancing, all of your sisters’ backs leaning against the mirror wall as you study the other much more advanced ballerinas that are your age.

after ballet class when all of your sisters are asleep, you return to your usual routine of sneaking to your older sisters’ room to watch the new law and order: special victims unit episode, seeing how detectives elliot stabler and olivia benson solve the crimes; even with you joining in theorizing. you were glad that both of them are heavy sleepers, curling into the sweater you’re using. but tonight, you didn’t wear your usual striped sweater. you’re wearing the sweater you brought back home on that fateful night everything changed.

your mind recalibrates itself when you go back to learning classical guitar, not saying much to your teacher as you’re scared that they’re going to tell your mama about the problems you could accidentally expose to them. but as the lesson goes on, the way you pick the strings made of nylon and how enjoyable it is playing the guitar comes back to you. and you’re hoping that it last until your torture ends.

everything seems to find its place a week in. ballet dance class on monday and thursday, classical guitar class on tuesday and friday. mama said she’s not going out on wednesdays to oversee you all cleaning the houses. your usual chore of washing the dishes has now increased with another chore of washing your parents’ cars. you stole a glance at papa who is looking at his pager, still curious about why he cried on homecoming night but seems to be more emotionless as the day goes in the week.

the next monday, mama didn’t bring you to school as she does. instead, papa does. the weather itself is getting colder as is nearing the middle of october when you’ve been given permission to use outerwear for school so you don’t get sick. mama, who is on a “trip” with her friends, left the house to papa alone. as you sat in the middle of the dodge caravan he uses—the less of the two cars your parents own—you steal glances at your papa from the rearview window. the words are rising in you as you can’t help to vomit them out.

“pa…” you were the first in that entire drive to speak. “why did you cry when we went to homecoming?”

sooyoung, who sat in the front seat, turns her head to papa as you could see how the only man in the car is looking at the road and not at his daughters.

“it’s okay, papa…” you continue to glance at the rearview mirror as you could not back down, rubbing your hands with each other in the sweater paws. “it’s okay to cry. to cry is a human experience.”

papa stayed silent until the car arrives at school—you didn’t expect a reply anyway from your silent dad as he stayed that way most of the time. the only time he emote was when you saw him cry that evening.

you and your sisters part ways as you brought yourself to the bathroom. splashing away your face with cold water, you stare at yourself from the reflection. you notice the corner of your eyes has drooped more rapidly than you expected and how sunken it has been from the dark circles becoming darker. you held the pain of the icy water running down your fingers, burning the open wounds on each finger from the picking you had done as you pick not only the edge of your fingernails any more. your eyes glance down at the sweater that you wear as you brush them down, the color is the same as the blood that is drying up around your nails. your mind wondering if someone in class would notice how different your sweater is from your usual.

that indeed happened when you arrived at class and heard the audible gasp behind the wall of music you’re listening to from the headphones you are wearing. surprise is something you expected because you are wearing his sweater right now.

taehyun stares at you in his burgundy sweater as you walk to your desk. he wore a hoodie that you’ve never seen before but you recognize it deep down: he felt out of place without his burgundy sweater. your eyesight catches him behind the glasses as he stares at you. his face sits in a resting position that if anyone doesn’t know him may look intimidating. maybe he intends to intimidate you.

a folded paper arrived at your desk as you were writing notes in your notebook—preparing to compare it with your siblings. the paper was ripped from the corner of a notebook as you recognized the lines. you open the paper to find a message written with a thin pen.

meet me at your usual wall at recess - tyun

your eyes lifted to see him glancing behind his shoulder before he faces back to the front of the class. biting your lips, you slip the note inside your skirt pocket before returning to focus on the writings on the board.

picking your nails, you leaned your head against the brick wall near the field—sometimes the side of your fingers still rubs with one another as you expected a certain smoking cylinder. the shrugs from the moving gravel enter your ears as you turn to meet the boy of the moment.

“taehyun…”

“(y/n)…” he follows you and leans his upper body against the wall.

“what makes you want to meet me?” you chuckle, already knowing what he will say.

“you’re,” he licks his lips, “wearing my burgundy sweater.” taehyun replies, hands in his pockets, making his upper body appear much buffer than you remembered. but you observed how hunched his body is. cowering. “and i want it back.”

“it’s a memento for what we did that night.” you playfully said as you rub yourself with the clothing. “besides, it’s so soft.”

“give it back.” he snarled as you looked towards him, seeing how his eyes squint behind his glasses. his fang-like teeth give a threatening look. different from that night. different from that day. different from the first time you two met.

“make me.” you crossed your arms in front of your chest. you pay attention to how his face reacts as he looks at your face, his eyes then wander to your chest where your hands are resting above the arms, covered with the sweater paws. but the wind is blowing enough air to meet the open wounds you create. you wince as your nerve signals the injury to your brain.

“did you hurt yourself again?” he catches you as you see the exposed fingernails from the sweater. you wanted to hide from him. you didn't want him to see the pain you haven't let out to him on his mattress. but he caught them before you sucked them into you; before it sunk under the surface that is your face and body language. so, you nod and scoffed.

“everything changes so fast in a week. we could’ve been outside the town. just the two of us, you know. instead, ma’s fucking us up more.” you glance back at him. “i guess. this sweater will be a reminder for me of how it could be and how my mind was turned whatever degree they have turned. muddling up what i know about me, about my surroundings, and about you.” you give out a huge exhale before facing away from him, facing forward once again.

“you’re-“ taehyun paused. “you can’t just steal my belonging?!”

“so what? i did right.” you turn back towards him, stepping one foot forward closer. “or in your mind.” another step forward.

“no girls are brave enough to do it?” you hummed, tilting your head. “you always assume girls to be as quirky, as innocent, as easily control, huh? well, change your mind, silly. ‘cause this is how the world is.”

“then what about you?” he retaliates, turning his body. you stumble backwards before putting your hand on the wall to stabilize yourself.

“not everything should be revolving around you, right? i admit i adore you. i still fucking am. but your proposal to ask me to run away with you will not be the right way, (y/n).” taehyun rolls his eyes before continuing. “any guy would love to take you away: making you his. but i’m not like that ‘cause this is how the world is.”

you gritted your teeth as he threw your words against you. taehyun steps closer, making your body touches the brick wall once again. “you’re like me. thinking all boys are the same. thinking all the boys will treat you the same way you have been treated.” he nods as you stare into his eyes.

his large, vivid eyes staring down inside your soul. you see him shaken by your words and his realization of you and himself. it happens too fast when both of you lean forward, connecting your lips together.

his hand moves towards your waist, gripping the sweater you’re wearing, as you wrapped your hands beneath his underarm, pushing his shoulder blades forward as you heard a thud beside your ear. one of his hands holding him against the wall and you in between the two surfaces. the feverish sensation crawls back under your skin as your lips, tongue, and teeth clashed with each other so much that you can feel saliva dripping down the corners of your mouth.

pulling back and seeing a string of saliva connecting the two of you, you both breathe, making yourself steady with taehyun fixing his disarrayed glasses frame. his hand still sits beside your head as you both stare at each other, both of you are shaken up by the whole interaction.

ring!

the bell broke both of your trance as you slip out of his hold. his touch lingers at the end of the sweater as you walked backward, facing him.

“still a no for giving your sweater back, silly.”

and you disappear, leaving taehyun with a smirk on his face.

while your pain returns and lingers—stagnant for another two weeks, mama has become more of a helicopter mom you are aware many of the children in your social class have. the height of the plates you washed seemed to lower each day as you came back from your guitar and ballet lesson. your eyes linger on chaewon who took care of the backyard garden from the window, her dress’ end covered with manure and dirt which mama doesn’t allow herself to approach. then to sooyoung and her vacuum cleaner scrambling to both floors as the noise pierces your ears. they continue to hyejoo who is hanging the clothes that came out from the washing machine. lastly, to jiwoo who is dusting and putting the clutter back in its place—you saw her put the pillow back on the sofas. mama oversees everything as sits with her legs outstretched and a cup of tea by her side. papa is at work, working his ass off so you all could live and survive.

it continues just like that until halloween night.

the sound of children screaming around the street in the night sky is deafening as you and hyejoo stare outside of the window in your eldest sisters’ room. you touched the bruise on your cheek as you dared to ask your mama if you can trick or treat tonight. your sisters stare at it in horror before she’s the one that storms away at night, wearing a fancy dress as if she’s also going to a halloween party. papa also sees the incident before he and mama went back into their room. you overheard her booming yet unclear voice from behind the wall before he left first, then she did.

your nails play on the end of your turtleneck shirt’s long sleeve, hearing the scratch of the fabric as you stare down at your all-black ensemble for your costume as olivia benson from special victims unit.

you took a glimpse at hyejoo in her veronica sawyer from heathers costume as she tucks her blazer before walking back to the room. chaewon’s dazed gaze at the box-shaped tv is more pronounced with her juliet from romeo + juliet outfit complete with her wings as jiwoo reaches for her in an outfit that if you look close enough looks like her regular outfit but it’s her ginger spice costume. sooyoung sits in front of the tv as she lets out a sigh, her open palm trembling as she looks at each of you who she styled while she is in her cher from clueless costume. your oldest sister has tried her best to make your costume as exact as possible with the limited pieces of outfits all of you have. you heard her change the tv channels a few times before landing on one.

returning your head to the window, you stare one last time at the crowded streets full of children and pre-teens, as no other teens live here except for the one across from you.

speak of the devil, the front door of the house opens to see mrs. kang puts a plastic pumpkin bowl full of sweets and a cowboy-costumed taehyun with a space ranger-costumed kai went out. taehyun’s head turns towards your window when the door shuts behind him. kai seems to talk to him as they face the scattered crowds of people in costume. you can only let out a small smile you hope he catches as you close the window and curtains, facing the screen to spot addams family values playing on the tv. you sat beside jiwoo, resting your head against her shoulder as you watch the macabre family unit that is so united you don’t know how to classify your own.

your unfulfilled food cravings combine with your body that hasn’t had a proper rest making you collapse into a deep sleep only ten minutes into the movie. when you wake up, the only source of light closest to you is the running device—outside sources help your eyes adapt faster. the tv is playing a rerun of an older sitcom when you sit up on the floor, seeing the silhouettes of your sisters. the sound of excitement is now gone when you could only hear grasshoppers outside. stretching your body, you stand up from your position to see that your sisters have fallen asleep, except you only counted three and identify them as the three oldest.

you heard floorboard creaks as you walk to your own room, hoping your other triplet is asleep in her bed. the door opens to the beds arranged for the three of you, but no silhouette is there before you close the door.

“hyejoo…?” you called her name but the hallways stay silent. so silent that you can catch the gush of the wind blowing inside the crevices. following where it comes from, you arrived at the open laundry area with the ladder to the roof, and the hatch above it is ajar. the thing that contrasts your memory of the room is the blazer on top of the washing machine, the blazer you recognize hyejoo wore before. you decided and climb up the ladder.

the darkness almost blinds you as you let the outside light makes you adapt. you called for your sister’s name once again but not as loud as before, hoping not to cause a disturbance for the sleeping children. when you approached the front of the house at the roof, that’s when you meet a silhouette, the air blowing the ends of the hair and oversized shirt as you watch the body moving closer to the edge.

“moon hyejoo!” you exclaimed as the person named turned her head slowly. the moon reflects the conflict in her eyes.

“don’t step closer.” she reaches her hand out and sniffles. you gnaw your lip as you also reach both of your hands out, stopping whatever she’s trying to do.

“don’t move…” you speak as you see her shaking her head, the sniffles getting heavier as she looks beyond the raised edge of the roof she stood on.

“i’m fucking tired of living this life, okay? i just…” she sighs, pulling her hand down to be beside her body once again. “i want to give up. we’re too tied up with her bullshit. i wanna be free, (y/n). i wanna do what i wanna do.”

“i know.” you step closer, seeing her anklet refract the light along with yours, dimmer because of her position, creating a shadow in front of you. “but we all promise to stick together, right? we made a pact that we have to live and die together.”

hyejoo looks down at her anklet as she nods, “and we’re gonna make one of us mad if we didn’t fulfill our promise.”

“that’s right. you can talk it out with us as a collective. believe me, all of us are tired too.” you took a step closer to her as she doesn’t push you to stay back anymore. “who’ll be our front-line offense if we revolted together?”

“of course it’s me.” hyejoo chuckles as steps forward to the roof instead of the ledge. “you all won’t survive mother’s torment without me berating her back.”

“exactly.” you were a few meters away from her. “then we’re gonna cherish every time we have together, okay? all five of us?”

as she nods, you grab her from the platform at the ledge into a warm bear hug. you sense your turtleneck getting wetter as she let her heart out. brushing her hair and swaying to calm her. your eyesight sticks to the unfamiliar view of the surrounding houses from above. that’s how your sight stays on one specific porch.

taehyun stood by his front door with his front face towards you. his cowboy hat tucked beneath his underarm as you stop swaying and focus on caressing your sister instead. his stare lingers on you, goosebumps growing on your skin as you cannot tell what he is thinking—only his piercing gaze.

he must’ve seen everything.

you let out a smile that might be hard for him to see. but when he enters his house, you’re feeling as if he understood what you’re communicating to him.

yet, your trance disappears as you picked up the screech of a vehicle before you lean closer to the ledge, seeing the dodge caravan hot with how papa just arrived back home. he stumbles out of the car before slamming the door shut. hyejoo leans away as she looks down at you, papa stumbling his way in before he disappeared underneath the platform from the second floor.

“is pa okay?” you asked her, seeing her brushing her tears away.

“he’s definitely not. if he is as intoxicated as i think he is, he can’t open the front door.”

the two of you arrived at the first floor. you opened the door to find your papa leaning against the door before stumbling inside with hyejoo helping to prop him up. you almost gagged at the unfamiliar stench of alcohol reeking from him. his eyes not fully shut might mean he’s not 100% unconscious, clearer with his sudden murmur.

“hye… (y/n)…” he mumbled as you both help him bring himself into the master bedroom. you heard hyejoo grunt as you let go of the weight to push the door open. it’s a rarity for you to enter your parents’ room as mama doesn’t allow you to be in there. when you realize it, most of the items are hers. it sickens you that your papa’s personality isn’t being shown enough. but when you consider it, papa’s origins are unknown as mama’s the only one that told stories of her life before having kids, giving papa no chance whatsoever. pulling his shoes off, you both push him onto the bed. when you thought he has settled and you jut your chin towards the door so both of you can leave, you overheard the man talking.

“kids…”

it has been a long time since he called you that and it makes your body freeze. hyejoo and you turn around to see your papa leaning against the pillow, an unrecognizable smile on his face that combines something warm and cold at the same time.

“i’m, i’m sorry…” he hiccups as his head almost fell asleep before he jolts awake, but only lasted for around 30 seconds.

“i, i will try- to get a bet, better future for… us…”

as papa fell asleep, you look towards hyejoo as she gives you a shrug, the tear tracks on her cheek make you gesture so she can clean it. papa hasn't spoken to his daughters in a long time. the family picture photo shoot was the last time you remembered it. your steps become slower as hyejoo went up the stairs, leaving you alone to look at the portrait of your family from nine years ago.

“put on your greatest smile, kids!” you recalled him said. yet, you could see the suffering of you and your sisters as they crawled up the frame of the portrait. and, you seem to believe papa now realizes it too as the few of the first things he sees each time he came out of his slumber is the reminder of how his daughters' lives are deteriorating.

nothing interesting happened since halloween and entering the eleventh month of the year, well if you count mama’s much more prominent sob stories at the dining table interesting. you gazed between chaewon and hyejoo, having the triplet connection to talk with facial expression, realizing that what she talked about is her earlier stories but more elaborate and dragging.

you nibble your bottom lip while watching the street passing by in the morning sky. papa’s turn to take you to school as mama is sleeping her ass off after they both went to a gathering. hyejoo’s the one in the front seat as the radio plays the hits of 1999, dido‘s “thank you“is now playing in the caravan‘s speaker.

you sometimes catch how papa took a glimpse behind his driver’s seat in the vacant street of the neighborhood. how, little by little, he almost resembles his children. sunken eyes, a frown that stays on too long, his wrinkles getting more prominent along with slight white hair growing from the roots on his scalp. your headphones hanging around your neck with your backpack straps on and the discman strap hanging on one shoulder as the quiet ride to school continues.

stepping out of the car, you all greet your papa goodbye as he looks at you proudly before he goes to his work in his not-prime condition today. putting on the headphones on your ears, you brush your cool hands against the burgundy sweater that you almost called yours after a month of holding onto it—pressing the play button to play cd mix #12 once again after already playing since #1.

the door of the class opens with you as you step inside, seeing your classmate giving small smiles because you didn’t indulge in any of their gossip to make them care about you anymore—you wanted to fade into obscurity and you hope it’s working. seeing the open space beneath you from the window reminds you of hyejoo’s attempt, how it’s almost laughable that she thought of the same ways to end things as you—how you thought about if you openly ended your life at this specific window from your seat. your eyes glance back to the front when the teacher is coming into class and one last peek at the glasses-wearing boy who sits a few rows in front of you.

rubbing your tummy that is full of lunch after you gather at your usual tree trunk, you let out a yawn and stretch your palms from how tired they are from playing your guitar. the chipped pointer fingernail reminds you how you strum along to the music from your cd mix as you don’t have a pick. the class is empty as people still took a rest and eat lunch before the last periods of today’s school day.

you pulled out your discman, unwrapping your headphones before putting them on. naturally, you rub the ridges of the button to turn the device on before moving to the play button. the sound of guitar playing coming from your headphon- wait…

you’ve never heard this song before.

the seat you’re sitting is your place. the discman that you’re hearing from is your discman. but the song differs from the mix you brought from home. putting the song on pause, you take the device in your hand before opening the lid. a silver cd that resembles the ones you have there, but this is different and that’s when you raised your eyebrows as you read it.

to my moon pixie, y/n

cd mix #✰

luna - the smashing pumpkins

hey - pixies

child psychology - black box recorder

little trouble girl - sonic youth

venus as a boy - björk

…

you counted 10 curated songs in the mixtape, some you’ve heard, some you recognize the artist, and some you didn’t know. your callused hand reaches to rub the marker on the burned cd. then, your eyesight scans the last set of written words at the bottom of the circle.

you want to watch me in my boxing match? reply through aim, kay? - your silly boy

taehyun’s fingers fidget with his ballpoint, flipping it all over his hand. his stare switches between his homework and the interface of the messenger with two windows open. one window is the chat room he has with kai that stays open—the last message is about him finishing playing goldeneye 007. the other window shows the members list, people he has added on aim as each second one of them switches from online to offline, and vice versa.

yet, his eyes are stuck on one screen name that always switches on and offline. moon12345.

the bandage he wore for sparring for his upcoming match rested near the back of the desk as his mind is slowly stepping back from the homework. he doesn't know if his plan will work. he and kai scrambled to the nearest music store from here to find the right songs to put in your cd mix. with his parents leaving him once again at home—still sad as they could not see their son compete—he needed at least one person to be by his side. he asked kai to come with him before his friend reminded him that this is the perfect opportunity for him to ask you.

“i can’t ask her. she fucking hates me.”

“how do you know that?” kai chuckled as they both walk around the street. the green and purple color of his buzz lightyear costume shine from the streetlights. both of their basket full to the brim with candies and chocolates.

“well… she won’t return my sweater.”

“and i’ll do the same if you and i are fighting.” kai sarcastically rolls his eye before tipping the hat on taehyun’s woody costume up.

“you’ve said to me you’ve changed.”

“i did and i am.” taehyun reiterated.

“you change your ways of thinking because of her, right? how you can’t expect what someone thinks because of what they are? how she is more than just a cool girl for you?” kai tilts his head, with taehyun sighing and nodding afterwards.

“don’t you want to tell her?” kai responded, “like you said to me before, she’s hurting in there. if you truly adore her, do you want to drag her away for a night?”

taehyun lets out a scoff as he brushes his hat off his head. “everything changes way too fast.”

“so did us. i mean, i do. i didn’t even think of having a fucking significant other this fast and i certainly don’t believe i got one faster than you. especially counting how long you have been pining for this girl.” kai comments on his new partner, making taehyun giggle as he brushes his dark hair, almost obscure to the dark sky above him.

the boy reflected on it once again. his friend is correct. how would you learn he changed if he doesn’t show it to you? the last conversation both of you had showed that you and he are flawed. both of you let your biases affect how you think.

“okay, i’ll do it,” taehyun exasperated as kai’s face turns to glee before he returns to his thoughts, eyebrows now furrowed.

“but?” his friend squints his eyes.

“how am i gonna do this?” the boy sighs as he looks at the children walking in their costumes, some are eating the sweets they got. “she seems more closed off ever since she broke her curfew, which, i know, my fault with that too. i haven’t seen her go outside again in the evenings and even if i have the moon sisters on my list, she’s typically not the one to chat on aim. in our homecoming chat room, she didn’t even write a single word. even if the moon sisters’ screen name is online, how would i know it’s her?”

kai nodded and said, “then, what is always in her mind? what does she always have with her?”

taehyun’s head lifted as he fixed his glasses, carefully pulling his hand down as he realize what his best friend mean.

“her discman and cds.”

taehyun has listened to music he has never listened to before to make a cd mix for you. as your taste is vague, he didn’t know which genres were the right ones to give to you. but he hopes it’s enough to get your attention.

he shook his head at the thought as he does his homework, hearing the tv in the living room where his parents are watching a movie. his mind transcends to the notebook he’s writing in—a few pages before it was the same page he ripped to give you a message. the words he got from reading and listening have been collected in his brain so he can do his homework as best as he can. rubbing his hand because of how tired he is at writing, he felt the calluses that grow on his knuckles from the training.

taehyun leans his head against his hand that is propped on the desk, lulling to one side as sleep tries to capture him in their bed. the boy’s eyelids are getting heavier and heavier and when he wrote the last word for his homework, he seemed like he could sleep in peace. so he rested his head on the hand, letting it hold him as gravity can’t pull it to fall. he’s too tired to climb back into his bed where his gym bag still sits.

that’s when he heard a chime from his pc.

pushing the glasses back up, he searches for the chat room on the desktop. yet, penguinkai said nothing in the chat room. he then looks to the other window and finds a screen name highlighted. he clicks the name as quickly as possible and a chat room opens.

moon12345: hey stranger, it’s (y/n)

moon12345: great recommendations you gave me

moon12345: would love to see you beat your opponent ;)

taehyun lets out a chuckle, looking at the small shine from one window on the second floor of the house across. the chime comes in and out until midnight as they both talked, talked about everything he could think of like how’s the homework and you asking him how he found the songs he put on the cd. the topics you two talked about are even deeper than he expected to talk to anyone other than kai or his family.

K_Tyun: hows ur nails?

the screen paused as the light pierces into his eyes. he’s glad he turned on his nightlight before so it doesn’t hurt his eyes more.

moon12345: healing

moon12345: not all of me though…

K_Tyun: whatd u mean?

taehyun looks out the window again before looking down at how he sees only one car is at the carpark. the dodge caravan which he sees your father drive.

moon12345: kinda wanna blame you for this

moon12345: i guess it’s my fault too

moon12345: ma’s getting harsher day by day

moon12345: i mean

moon12345: you saw hyejoo almost killing herself, right? before i saved her?

the boy nods his head, expecting you to know his answer before he heard the clack on his keyboard and types down his message. he waited for a few seconds to pass before he sees the minute number changing once again before you answer.

moon12345: then i’m glad you’re taking me out

moon12345: it felt weird to know my sisters chatting with their friends here when i don’t have one

moon12345: so… thanks… i guess…

he lets out a giggle as he replied.

K_Tyun: urwell

K_Tyun: dont forget my sweater at the match

moon12345: i won’t forget it, i promise

moon12345: i might just give it back if you win :)

when the day of the match comes, taehyun warms his body up under unknown nervousness. the match was in another town and he’s scared you could not come because of it, knowing how harsh your mother has been in your own words.

he always seemed confident each time he competes, remembering how he won a podium place back in elementary school and how he fought his match between that and this match. remembering his parents and sister’s cheers by the sideline before it changes to kai and his boxing club friends. he looks at his friends that are also in the match and their varying results. some cried and others were ecstatic with their results.

“you ready?” his coach asked as he puts his hand on his shoulder, rattling his body to wake him up inside the locker room. taehyun nods as he looks away, but he felt his head move from his jaw to face the coach.

“you don’t look okay. what’s on your mind?” he questioned.

“the girl i told you about. she’s going to be here.”

“then impress her.” the coach’s fiery gaze transfers to him.

taehyun stood up from his seat, body all warm up, emotions all over the place as his coach puts on his robe before bringing him into the ring where hundreds of people are focusing on him. he ignores the flashes from cameras that litter the large room like stars in the sky, eyes focusing to the ring as he sees his opponent. a tad bit bigger than him by height but skinnier—makes sense to him that they’re in the same weight class.

after sitting in one corner of the ring, he sees his coach and his assistant putting on vaseline along his face and exposed body. the cold substance is rubbed on his skin so that he won’t be as battered as he hope he was not. he drank a few sips of water before he puts on his mouthguard. the surrounding crowd is blurry without his glasses, but he could view his opponent’s figure. nothing that reminds him of you caught his attention.

i won’t find her now, he thought.

as the round starts, he holds his guard position as both boxers move in the ring. taehyun is known to have great stamina by his coach and peers—he hopes it will persist him until the end. he heard loud cheers from the side that he recognizes before the opponent gives a right hook, which he successfully dodge before giving a jab, hitting the opponent’s torso but slipping because of the lubricant he uses. as much as he tried to focus, he has times when his stare at the crowd linger too much that his opponent notices. where are you?

as it enter the sixth round, taehyun felt his head getting heavier—the wounds on his body are aching him. the scores are even but the overwhelming sensation of getting punched, blocking, and avoiding gets a toll on him. the vaseline with another concoction that is added to put on his open wound helps it as only droplets of blood is on his skin. he looks out of the ring again, searching for you as fast as he can, hearing the sound of his opponent’s punch. his coach is yelling from the side, telling him to stay focused. but his body struggling is to breathe and stand up, his blurry vision getting blurrier than what is his prescription. a force pushes against his cheek before his body follows.

bam!

thud!

his opponent gave a hook and knocks him down. the referee counts down as the room moves so slowly from his perspective. the people that gathered around the ring made a commotion, he recognize a few of his club friends with looks of concern as the opponent looks at him from above, letting out a smug smile. all his eyes can focus on is outside the ring.

1…

2…

blood is running down his nose as he tried to prop himself up…

3…

“KANG TAEHYUN!!”

he looks at where the voice came from. a familiar voice piercing from the crowd.

4…

he sees someone wearing burgundy struggling to come to the front of the crowd towards the ring. taehyun’s eyes widen more, making him push himself more, hands fumbling to hold himself upright.

5…

the figure is blurry as it tries to pry itself to the front of the crowd. when the figure stood near where his friends are, he finally realized who are they…

you. you who is wrapping your hands around your front as you see him trying to stand up. a sudden smile now grows on his bruised face.

6…

he knows you’re here, and he will not let you down. he pushes more to stand up, moving his feet so it stabilized him as he straightens his legs…

7…

he erects from the floor and stood in his stance again, head lolling as he brushes the blood away that flooded from his nose. the sound of the bell ring and he moves around again, getting a surge of energy to continue until the end of the round 15 seconds later. a few jabs and hooks hurt the opponent.

the bell rings signaling the end of the round as his coach and his assistant crawl up to the ring and give him his water bottle while wiping his face with the towel, and giving him a small ball of tissue for his bloody nostril. they put the vaseline combo on his skin again so that it helps him and his wounds more.

“you did well there.” his coach says, shaking his body and arms so it doesn’t go numb.

“no, i’m sorry, my mind got into a bit of a haze back there.” taehyun replied after taking out his mouthguard. the coach nods as he knows what the boy meant as he sees the burgundy figure approaching closer to his corner. taehyun’s eyes set on you as his coach turns to meet you in the flesh.

“you must be the girl…” he said as you turn towards him, tilting your head while taehyun shrugged.

“yeah, she is.” taehyun looks at his coach, still huffing. “can she-“

“yeah, she can.” the coach permitted you to get into the ring, nodding at you as you climb in. you were holding onto a messenger bag where its strap goes across your chest and pipe jeans with sneakers on.

“i’m so sorry, it’s- fuck. it’s a long story.” you hugged him, not caring about how sweaty he is as he stay still before you lean back.

“no, it’s okay. you’re here now.” he looks up to meet you. the way the lights that shine on the ring now illuminate your figure but obscure your face so only he could see. you wear wearing pretty smoky eye makeup with your winged eyeliner. his gloved hand comes to touch your side as he brushes it against his burgundy sweater you’re wearing. he tried his best, but blood seems to rush down to his lower part—he wants to rip it off of you. his coach taught him to not relieve himself before a match, but he felt the frustration even more when you’re here.

taehyun closes his eyes and feels the chills on his skin when you kiss his forehead. your lips linger there as you brush his dark bangs away. his enlarged eyes uncovered looking into yours, seeing something new other than your cracked vase. a fixed vase as your eyes wrinkle.

“i know that you can beat him. i didn’t know shit about boxing but i almost saw you knock him down. so i believe you can…” you replied. taehyun looks at you, smiling from cheek to cheek, and he stood up so he can hug you again.

“you want to take this sweater from me, right? then beat him.”

you whispered in his ear, pulling yourself away from him to go outside of the ring. the coach gives him his mouthguard back as the bell rings, starting the seventh round.

his mind is much clearer as he throws punches, jabs, and hooks as best as he can. his abs muscles are aching for being such an easy target, but he prevails, knocking him back or even more. and at round nine, he notices his opponent swaying and his energy depleted. that’s when taehyun punches him and knocks him down, his chest rises and falls while everyone counts along with the referee.

taehyun’s gaze stays on his opponent—who doesn’t struggle much—then stand to you, who stood beside his coach. your eyes caught his as you give a slight pout, hearing the count rounding to 10 in 3… 2…

ding ding ding!

taehyun sensed how his body almost knocks down by his peers, hugging him like how he did to them in the earlier matches. his head facing the ceiling to breathe out before seeing you let out a grin he hasn’t seen in a long time. as the referee raises his hand, he can feel hands reach for him, saying how well he has done and how he qualified for the next round. taehyun brought himself to his opponent, and compose him before they both hugged. as he turns to see you, the thought of things he’ll do with you is slowly moving forwards.

“hey, coach. can i go to the hotel first?” he said when he recognized his coach wrap his arm around the boy’s shoulder. the coach squints his eyes before mumbling “teenagers“, making taehyun chuckle as the man lets him go.

“your room key is in your locker with your bag.” the coach says as he nods before leaving him. taehyun steps down from the ring and wraps his gloved hand around one of your forearms as he brings you away from the sea of people.

“where are we going?” you replied got muffled by the velcro strap he ripped open in the hallway, pulling the glove off by biting the rubber.

“you’ll see. wait for me here, gonna grab my bag.” you stay beside the door he went in like he wanted as he arrives at the locker he was assigned to and put on a hoodie he wears as a replacement for his sweater, changing into his usual shorts from his boxing one. seeing the key as he pulls his bag out, he puts it in the pocket before closing it and grabbing the strap.

from the crowded and warm room full of people, the night breeze greets both of you. taehyun sense the cold from it as his sweat is still sticking onto his skin, weakening him with the breeze. both of you walk in the street of the unknown town to the hotel he and his club has checked in.

“why are you so quick, tyun?” you giggled before he stops you, holding onto both of your shoulders while you bite your bottom lip.

“just, it’s that i haven’t jerked off in weeks. coach’s order. but seeing you in my sweater is making me…”

“you called me here to fuck?” your eyes squint.

“not like that. it’s just a side effect-“ he hisses as he moves his body, especially after being reminded of how bruised his body is after the match.

“we’ll talk it out on the way to the hotel.” you cut him off, nudging towards him before he took both of you away.

when you both enter the hotel and pass the lobby to go to the elevator, he stood right across from you when you open your mouth, asking, “you’ve changed, right?”

“define change.” he challenges.

“what we talked about before at school and in the chat room.”

“i hope so, you?”

“my sentiment also,” you quickly replied before stepping closer to him. “i’m not going to lie here. you look hot in the ring…”

taehyun chuckles, “you said you wanted to wait for me to patch up first…”

“you started it, now i can’t think of it.” you close the gap between the two of you as you whisper, “think of it like my appreciation to you for winning that match.”

taehyun quickly leans forward and captures your lips in his as the door of the elevator opens and he dragged you to the hotel hallway in the room's direction. as you both reached there, he felt your hands wrapped around his front, back hugging him as he opens the door.

“this room is for you alone, right? no roommate.” your chin pressed down his back muscles as he inserts the key in.

“i was supposed to be here with kai but he back down cause he has a new partner he wants to have dates with.” he picked up your gasp right as he turn the key and heard the door unlocked.

“really? ho-“

he pulled you in and pushed you against the door as its close, enclosing you in between his arm as he slotted the key back in and lock the door. “we can talk about this later, yeah?”

you giggled as you caressed his hair, brushing away the sticky hair while nodding. after pulling off your shoes and socks, he brought you into the room to see the two single beds as he puts his bag on the one closest to the door—you follow him. his hands found the end of his sweater that looks different because of you wearing it. hands rested on his nape as he caress your covered skin underneath the sweater, letting him kiss them every time he turns his head.

your arms stretch above you as he pulls his sweater off of you, seeing you dressed in a black muscle tank that fits your torso as he put the sweater on the occupied bed. “your turn to have layers, huh?” taehyun teasingly asked.

“not my intention. it’s just what happened,” you smirk as you lean in and kiss him more and deeper. your hands are reaching for his abdomen when he winces, making you lean back. “too hard?”

“yeah…”

you brought him to sit on the other bed as you pulled your jeans off, making him see the anklet he hasn’t seen in a long time. he pulled off his hoodie as you take your tank top off before putting it on beside your jeans, leaving you in your undergarments that is matching in colors. he tried to open his shorts, but he heard a tsk coming from you, kneeling in between his legs as he allowed you to pull it off of him.

“you’re hurting and i’ll try my best to not make it hurt.”

he sighs as your hand is on his bulge before pulling his boxers, making him lift his hips to let you pull them down and throw them somewhere in the room. your callused fingers trail up the skin of his thigh as he squirmed from the ticklish sensation he got before it arrive at his base, seeing it had already risen a little.

“did you get turned on at the match? you’re nearly there,” you comment on that as you gave him a stroke to let his blood flow more there.

“yeah. i’m frustrated when you’re not there so i tried to pour it out in the fight and other advice the coach gave to me. then you came and this,” he looked down, “grew.”

“uh-huh…” you hummed as you wet your palm with your saliva and caress it on him, making the movement much smoother as he let out tiny groans, knowing he’s in a hotel room instead of the comfort of his home. his jaw drops when he sees you let him inside your mouth. your lips pucker while dragging your head back and you let your tongue lick his tip as he brushes away your hair. the lights coming from outside the sheer curtain reflect on both of you.

your hand reaches for his hip to hold him down, noticing the scabs that form because of your excessive nail picking that goes beyond cleaning your free edges like you used to. the fingertips he remembered is harder and thicker—you might have played your guitar more often. one of his hands reaches for yours as the other is holding him up. you let him caress your hand as he felt the scab along the open wounds he remembered. he let out a groan as he sees how deeper you suck him; as if you were waiting for a long time to showcase it to him.

hearing your muffled moan, he catches your free hand playing with yourself as he sits up to caress your head, gripping the hand as he sees you pleasure yourself with him. his other hand reaches to caress your cheekbone, sometimes pushing you down so you stay still and embrace him.

you pull out and peer up at him, seeing a sheen of saliva around your lips as you wipe them away before stroking his now hard and raging member. he pulls you up before hugging you, pushing you close to him by your cheeks and gives a kiss on your stomach—holding onto your body as if you disappeared if he lets go. taehyun noticed your body is frailer than the last time, eyes looking at the almost-faded cigarette burn marks still on your thigh. underneath the eu de toilette you still use until this day, he hasn’t smelled the distinct cigarette scent again. it’s as if you’re transferring how to cope when your parent is more restrictive than before—showing off how you hurt yourself instead of hiding it like you used to.

taehyun pushes your underwear down before guiding you to sit on his lap, both of your legs spreading to the other side of his legs. he hears you gasp as your wet core touches his skin. leaning down to catch his lips, your hand traces his sweaty body, the muscles that ache from the ring as it still awake to indulge you, before rubbing a few of his wounds, making you lean away.

“i’m scared that if i ride you, i’m going to hurt you.” you pouted as he kiss the pout. he stares into your eyes before seeing you raise your eyebrows. you move against his thighs to drape your hand around his neck as slowly as possible, his hands holding onto your back as he gives kisses above your breasts before sucking the skin on your shoulder. your chin sits on his shoulder as he sensed how your breath caresses his earlobe, how you sigh and whisper profanities you used to exclaim.

“take me, taehyun. i need you.” he heard you whisper, making him separate your fronts that were touching. he brushes your hair as he sees that look back in your eyes, the feverish passion he always had and thought with you coming back. the way your hand reaches one of his that is beside your head to let his thumb traces your puffy lips, giving a slight suck on the fingertip.

“lay down with your back facing up.” he juts his chin towards the pillows behind the two of you as you let him go. he sees you stretching your head and neck before following what he said.

taehyun grabs the condom from his bag and puts it on, wetting his palm to help make the rubber slip easier. though it’s his second time, he still feels nervous to be in a more dominant position. but with the way you act, it seems that you’re letting him take charge—making him feel more blood rushing down to his parts.

he grabs another pillow from the other bed and he sees you laying face down on the pillow, looking to the side as you tried your best to breathe. as he climbs up the mattress, he lifted your pelvis and put a pillow right beneath the part where your stomach and hips meet, making him see your core underneath the light before he pulls your hips up, your knees arching along.

your head is looking behind your shoulder as best as you can as he let his tip touches your hole before he’s pushing in. taehyun hears your moan as you muffled yourself with the pillow you’re holding onto. hands gripping onto your pelvis, he embraces your walls once again after a long time, missing the tight pressure that is making both of you sensitive. his thrusts are careful as he tried to memorize every part of you in him.

all he wanted was to pound you for the teasing you did and the frustration he succumbed to. at how you thought you were the right one before he gave you his piece of mind. he sees your hand coming up behind you, reaching for something before he grips it with his own. you have a fiery look in your eyes as you face him.

“fuck, go harder,” you said before letting out a moan, your hips pushing up against him to meet his slow push. feeling it deeper in you. taehyun’s grip on your hand flatters as he opens the hook of your bra before leaning in closer.

“my fucking pleasure.” taehyun gritted his teeth as he grips onto your love handles before drilling you into the mattress. the number of moans you let out multiplied as you tried your best to muffle it down or add more air as you gasp. the strap of your undergarments falls down your arm as he reaches beneath you and your breasts move with his harder and faster thrusts.

with his position and sore body, he leans down his body and lays on top of you, grabbing both of your hands to rest them on each side of your head. your head pivots as he kisses your spine up to your shoulder blades, hips now focusing on pushing deeper. his head nears your ear as you try to breathe, sweat falling down your temple as he kisses it before the corner of your lips, seeing you pout to kiss him more.

“i fucking miss you.” he groans into your ear as the mattress moves because of his movement. you tried your best to crane your head to kiss him, but one of your hands fell out of his grip as it reaches for his nape so you could capture his mouth to yours.

“i miss you too,” you whine. he sees your eyes glistening as you stare at him so beautifully. the strength from inside him comes as he pulls you up into the kneeling position, hands holding onto the front of your body as you let out quiet moans you’ve learned this moment. his hand moves to your clit and breasts as you hold on to one of them, teeth and tongue clashing with him as best as you can. the groans and moans between the two of you combined with the skin slapping filled the room—little intrusion from the street of downtown making it livelier than he expected.

thrust upon thrust and marks decorating your back as your well-kept nails create scratches on his forearm. he felt himself about to burst.

“i’m cumming.”

“come for me, tyun,” you said with his nickname as he burst inside the condom. his hands going limp as you try to find your edge, his hips moving automatically to help you.

“fuc- i’m-“ you exclaimed as your body tremble before both of you fell to the mattress. the pillow has stains from your makeup as you try to not mess it up more. both of you trying your best to breathe and make yourself steady as he kisses your cheekbone before mumbling against your skin.

“i like you so much. you got me wrapped around your finger since the day you moved in across from me, moon (y/n).”

he lets go of your body before slipping out, hearing you exhale as you turn your head to face him. tying the condom up and throwing it in the trash can, he felt the lingering sense of you watching him as he turns his figure around. you nibble on your swollen bottom lip as he stood there, staring into your soul with him bearing one for you to judge. he finally let out his feelings for you. that no matter what happened between the two of you, he still likes you, and he will love you if you let him.

you wince from the pain in your hips as you stood up. tired, naked bodies facing one another as you step towards him, reaching for his nape as you push yourself closer to him, your skin near touching his as he felt your breath.

“well…” you let out a small smile, “you got me wrapped around your finger, kang taehyun.”

you give him a peck on the kiss as you both looked at each other, memorizing each other as your finger trails his facial feature. all the frustration he had gotten from you and his match all dissipated. there is only care between you.

taehyun washes himself up as told by you while you help clean the room. there is a robe hanging by the bathroom door that he wants to wear, one part of a pair that you’re wearing while cleaning. behind the running water, he heard the door knock before someone opens it, hoping it was not one of his club friends. when he came out, he sees you in his sweater already ordered food from room service.

“eat up. you’re tired after the match and fucking. i don’t want you to die on me this early.” you jokingly said to him as you entered the bathroom. your messenger bag is on top of the table beside your discman that is open, seeing the cd mix he made for you inside it with a small first aid kit pack next to it.

after you both wash up and eat up—dressed in the robe from the bathroom—he sits on the floor as you pulled the upper part of his robe open and bring the first aid kit with you. putting on the antiseptic on his wounds as he observes your own. he sees you prepping for the bandage to be put on his much more open wounds. your eyes meticulously scan all over his face as he can’t take his stare off of the scabs on your finger.

“do you want me to patch you up, too?” he questioned. you look at where his eyesight is.

“it’s okay. all of them are already scabs.” he hums at your answer.

“how is it?” he asked as you put on a bandage on his cheekbone.

“you did well. i didn’t expect that you were struggling before i came.” you chuckle as you put a bandage on the bridge of his nose. “you beat the guy. so good for you.”

“hmm, yeah.” he nods as he let you finish patching him up.

“i almost failed to be here,” you spoke out as you lean back, both of you sitting on the floor as you closed and tidy his robe once again.

“i tried sneaking around, telling my sisters to help me, which they agree and luckily, ma’s not home since she went with her friends again.” you push your tongue into your cheek, “then pa found me.” you gaze at him from the corner of your eyes.

“i was scared shitless when i got caught. i don’t know shit about this town and sooyoung wanted to come with but she can’t drive a car even if she wants to drive pa’s caravan. so i realize from the deepest part of my heart that i’m not going to go.” you wrapped your arms around yourself, hugging yourself as you lean back against the mattress—following the boy.

“i spoke to him as best as i could. my papa doesn’t talk that much and his power plus influence stays underneath ma’s for most of my life. so, i don’t know what he’s thinking and what he’ll do. it came to my surprise when he offered to bring me here…” taehyun’s eyebrows raised.

“no way.”

“i know, right? so yeah, he brought me here and gave me pocket money. that’s why i can call room service and order us food.” you tuck your knees near your chest before putting your head on his shoulder. his hand reaches yours as he brought them to his lap, brushing it with his thumb.

“pa’s has been more forward towards us and sneaking up behind ma too. i never thought that day would happen…” he sees you from the corner of his eyes, a somber look on your face as you stare into the darkness in the hotel room.

“i’m happy he retaliates. i know little about him because ma always overshadows him and her grip on us—her grip on him too. it’s…” your head shakes on his shoulder.

“i still don’t get it. like why now? why not earlier? why hasn’t he been able to stand up against his wife who’s controlling the family and throws him aside too as she uses his hard-earn money for her expenses?” you groan before rubbing your face with your palm as he faces you to him, holding onto your robe-covered body as he stares into you, seeing all the confusion floating in you as a little star sits there in the middle. its light being pushed back from all of its shadows—the conflict, pain, and suffering in your life.

“love makes people do crazy things. i think your dad loves your mom so much that he hasn’t realized how much you suffer in your life. you told me that your family has a traditional view on gender roles, right?” you nodded to reply to him. “maybe he now realizes how your mom enforces it to all five of you is not helping, but hurting you instead.”

“not exactly but enforcing it, but she wants to make us a clone of her.” you right him and he nods as you return to the topic. “does it mean that he fell out of love with ma? because i don’t see it that way.” he chuckles after hearing your observation.

he remembered that halloween night as he pulls off his costume in his room, seeing the dodge caravan parked in your house’s carpark. seeing a silhouette of a man stumbling out of the driver’s seat as he approaches the front door before his body limps by the frame. he got chills that night, the first time he sees the parents of the sisters he adores not wearing his mysterious mask—his persona that he shows to people in the neighborhood.

“from what you’ve said to me in our chat room and what you’re telling me now. i don’t think it’s not because he fell out of love with your mom.” he cups your cheek as you gaze at him, eyes sparkling with stars littering in it; as if the entire world is on his palms. his entire world.

“i think it’s because his love for his children grew tenfold. when your dad cried that homecoming night, i have a sense that he’s guilty of something.” taehyun sensed something aching in his heart that differed greatly from the one has gone through before. yes, he has felt sad, angry, disgusted, terrified, and joyful. but this is the first time that when it’s tugging him, tears are forming in his eyes.

it is as if he is connected to you so much, he feels your pain, your stress, and how it has hurt you inside out. taehyun has never been this empathetic before, maybe once when euphoria surged in when his sister got into her dream college from the mail. taehyun sniffles his nose as you glance at him in concern, to which he replied with a small smile.

“i sense regret coming from him but also pride. proud to see his daughters growing up so well and regret to know that you all persevere without his help at all. cause, in my mind, he wanted to, but he can’t.” hearing his words, he sees you openly sob in front of him, letting him brush away the droplets of tears coming out—knowing his own will come out eventually.

“and i think he realized just how important you and your sisters are in his life. maybe much more than his wife.” the tears gather from the corner of his eyes, threatening to fall as he can’t keep up with his emotions again, letting his bearing soul connects with yours.

“and i think he realized how big his love is for his daughters.” he leans his forehead against you as he hears both of your sniffles. eyes open to look at yours as you regulate your breathing.

“like how big my love is for you.”

wait, what?

“huh?”

“you heard her, right?”

“what the fuck?”

“no way…” jiwoo said as she pushes the door closed. five of you are in your oldest sisters’ room, staring at each other. all of them looking stunned in their own different ways. you don’t believe that this has happened. hyejoo has anger inside her eyes. jiwoo wanted to cry out if she can’t hold on much longer. chaewon’s eyes are empty. sooyoung looks much more tired when the frown overcomes her face.

“is that why she went out so much these past few months? trying to find the right people to be our husbands?” hyejoo breaks the silence.

you caught it right. mama is arranging all five of your marriages with her friends’ sons. you wanted to throw up and crawled yourself out of your skin from how unbelievable she is.

winter break doesn’t have to be any worse than what've you faced. the start of a new year doesn’t have to be like this. mama didn’t even have an arranged marriage with papa, why does she want it now? for wealth? status? ego? you don’t know. what you recognize is that she is playing her pawns—all five of you—and putting them in places that benefit her and she’s the only one that got the benefit out of them.

“hey, hey, hyejoo. please…” sooyoung reaches out towards her sister, wrinkles forming between her eyebrows before she brought her younger sister into an embrace.

“she fucking ruined everything.” your triplet said into your sister’s shoulder as you gnaw the inside of your mouth. you glance at jiwoo who has a rare scowl on her face and chaewon who has a pillow in her arms. the tension builds in the room as nobody talks. even sooyoung—the usual mediator—can’t say anything, eyes getting emptier as she succumbed to the pressure before holding onto hyejoo tighter.

“okay…” you’re the one brave enough to cut the silence. “you heard what she said. she arranged partners for all of us and we know who they are. she said they are her friends’ children. i, for certain, don’t agree with any bullshit she’s doing. but…” i need to talk to taehyun, your thought cuts you off. but you look towards the desk that only has specks of dust on it. no humming can be picked up. the last device you own to communicate with anyone—other than the home telephone—is gone.

when you call home from the hotel room for papa to pick you up—he was the one to tell you to call the previous day, you thought he or one of your sisters was the one that picks up the phone. that’s when you find out her voice and froze up, cutting the line as fast as you can as long beep echoes in the room. you turn your head towards taehyun who is in the other bed, awake enough to realize the expression on your face.

“take me home with you, please.“

she was furious when she found out you went out to be with taehyun—no other explanation is necessary before she scolds you as she usually does. yet, that day was different,

that day when you come home was the first time more than you and hyejoo had protested against her explicitly. droplets of blood were flying to the floor as your sisters looked at it in horror. you were furious with your unlucky streak before your sisters stepped forward. hyejoo pushes to stand in front of you as jiwoo holds your face, scratches with blood flowing on your cheek because of the rings on mama’s fingers when she slaps you. chaewon tried to hold mama down, but she also got pushed to the floor. sooyoung was the one to calm her from her raging fit at you. instead, words are flying about how a terrible daughter and sister she is for not following what the matriarch told her and not keeping her sister intact.

papa stood on the sideline near the stairs as he sees everything in the living room, your torn tank top on the strap that you should hold up to not expose your torso, your bleeding cheek that jiwoo is cleaning up, and your broken discman that is split into two from mama’s stomp, empty of any cd. as your sisters and mother argue, you turn towards papa who has a grim look on his face before his wife calls for him. eyes glance up at his wife with trembles that the others don’t recognize—you were the closest to have noticed and your eyes have trembled like him too.

you cowered when your mother tells all of you to shut it, hearing the heavy steps above you as you see the only desktop all you and your sister has a collective being brought down to the garage, the sticky notes all of you have put on still sticks to the frame. one by one, he brought down the pieces of the machine you used to communicate with other people outside of the house.

“once winter break comes: no leaving the house. no land telephone. no communication outside of the home.“

as the two weeks before winter break that is full of exams has come, you didn’t speak with anyone—your sisters also didn’t as all of you are rattled by the bomb that was dropped at home. you give taehyun a shake of your head when he tried to approach you. not right now. you hope he gets your message as he nods before walking away. you spend your time at school listening to the noise you didn’t notice before, the sound of the rustling leaves as they died to prepare for the snow, the scratchy voices of people at school talking, and the chirping of birds flying in the sky.

when the first snow falls, you and chaewon enviously looked outside the window to the children of your neighborhood welcoming the falling snow. hands and feet hurting from all the lessons you got both ballet and musical instruments—the last classes before winter break were yesterday. you watch girls and boys opening their arms as the snow falls on them, seeing the white particles on their clothes. the new family with their toddler child introduces the snow to the little one, playing in it with the mother and father. as you breathe out, you can see the air droplets you let out from the dropping temperature.

she has taken your freedom from all of you. you will not be surprised if she pulled all five of you out of school during winter break so you all have to be homeschooled with, of course, her.

you didn’t communicate to taehyun verbally during winter break. the last time you saw him was when he walked home from training, a gym bag on his shoulder from the match he told you about before, one near the end of the year as he pushes into the quarter-finals with his matches. but he caught you from the window, giving a wave as specks of snow are on his dark hair—glasses fogged because of his breath.

“do we wanna do this?” you said to them before looking at your anklets that held on until this day. “do we want to end our lives together?”

all of your sisters are silent hearing your implication. the pact that you made between the five of you has held onto all of you so tight that even thinking of it makes you have to tell them. it tells them you don’t want to exist in this world anymore. and at this time and in this situation, you might be happier if you’re not.

“no.”

“don’t.”

“no…”

“we’re not.”

your sisters’ rejection filled your ears as you can’t hold back the corner of your mouth from lifting. though, rationally, you said “yes” to it anytime so that your suffering ends. deep beneath your heart, a “no” always lingers. and for this life you have been living for the past six months, the “no” has grown and rivalled the “yes”. the realization of it waters your eyes as you watch your sisters glance at one another.

“then all of us have something to hold on to stay alive,” you spoke your mind as you brushed the tears that are falling down the apples of your cheek. opening your arms, chaewon knocks out your breath by hugging you first. the pillow stayed between the two of you as your other sisters gather and make a group hug—the sobs and sniffles filling the cold room.

pushing them away with your might, your sisters giggled as sooyoung gather you into a circle putting your right foot where the anklet sits to the middle, joining toes together. you glance at all four of your sisters as they let out chuckles before hyejoo pushes the ones beside her forward as all of you follow to connect your head together.

“hold on tight.” sooyoung said.

“love each other.” jiwoo added.

“we can do it.” chaewon spoke.

“fuck them up.” hyejoo exclaimed.

“stay alive, pixies,” you mumbled before the circle dispersed.

on christmas morning, you didn’t expect a feast to be put at the dining table as you all look at it, bewildered. mama stands at her end of the table while papa is doing work in his office in the house. the house doesn’t even have a christmas tree or decorations themed around it as you got even more confused when mama gave each of you a present in a box. opening it, you see a beautiful gown and a matching pair of elbow-length gloves that you know comes from a fashion house, judging by sooyoung’s gasp as she viewed it. it has a similar shape to the homecoming dress you wore, but the fabric is velvet—much more expensive than what you wore. you stare at it before looking at your sisters’, seeing how they are the same, but the dark colors are different; from purple-based to green-based.

“on the 31st, we’re going to the ball i told you. at it, you’ll meet the suitors i have picked for each of you.“ you glance at the end of the table as you don’t want to react out loud from her gift. you don’t want to react to satisfy her ego.

“remember, make me proud. and be glad that i found you husbands who are as handsome and rich as our family.“

‘will they make me happy? you wanted to comment, but she command you to eat the food in front of you. you glance at chaewon who is sitting across from you behind the clinking sound of the fork meeting the plate. her wrists exposed the scars from her coping ways—the lines are much thicker than you remembered but not deep enough to bleed out like last time. her eyes took glances at your matriarch who is having fun by herself with her new cell phone before returning to you, the first time you see her rolling her eyes in disgust almost making you splutter the meal you eat. even the softest of five of you is done with her antics.

when the night of the 31st came, you heard a vehicle starting outside as you fixed your dress. a little tighter for your liking, but it looks modern enough for the 90s and regal at the same time—regal is what mama likes people to call everything about her.

you stared out the window as sooyoung is fixing your dress, seeing the caravan not in its place. all of you are helping one another in each of your outfits when you helped in spraying the perfume and jiwoo fixing your concealer. hyejoo is fixing sooyoung’s hair while chaewon fixed the accessories. the clock hand is close to 10 at night—the time you need to go. you never celebrated new year’s eve but you’ve seen the festivities before from the tv to the fireworks outside your window.

in the car that your mom is driving with her high heels; much more luxurious and modern compared to the caravan, you sit in the backseat with all three of your sisters whilst chaewon—still her golden child—sits at the front. your shoulder rubbed against sooyoung’s as you stare out of the car window beside you, letting your eyes gaze at the jungle full of towers high above and touching clouds. you realized mama brought you downtown to a place that is supposed to be for your social class—that she’s the one being benefitted the most from your family. it is s a ball, as she reminded you.

you see, down the streets, people preparing to close the road for the festivity. you knew this year’s new year’s eve is special as all of you who are alive are entering a new era. a new year, a new decade, a new century, and a new millennium. the 2000s.

the pressure is real when you faced that daunting fact, that for everybody alive currently: the 2000s is something new and they are the ones that are going to build on it. people are crowding the street going to places like pubs with live music that you haven’t gone to in a long time. you wished you still do because you love music and you wished you still have your discman with you as mama is putting on a radio station that is playing christmas songs. you want to return to listen to exciting guitar riffs and unique voices again.

the car stops in front of a lobby of a large building with people all around it. the butlers in suits open the door and offer you a hand as you stand up, waiting for all of your sisters to come out as you were met with cameras all over you. this is a real deal, you thought—scared of being bombarded by one. but when you look at your eldest sister’s face, she’s living it. the valet drives the car away as you climb up the stairs into a foyer with mama at the front—looking like the ducklings that followed their mother duck you saw in an illustration from your elementary school biology textbook.

the sparkling ballroom full of people and chandeliers blinded your eyes as it has been a long time since you’d been to one of these balls—the last time was before you enter your first year in high school. her group of friends immediately greeted mama, the ones you knew as her friends back in her school years—seungmin’s mother was a weird detail you notice. you let out a smile along with your sisters as your mama’s friends greet and compliment all of you. you were glad you didn’t shriek in surprise when one of them has a chihuahua in their purse or one of them pinch your cheek until it hurts.

five of her friends are left standing by her side, all of them—you recognize—having sons. you stood with hyejoo beside you, seeing her clenching her dress fabric. it scares you that she will tear it; not that she cared about it. they all talked to mama before glancing at each of you one by one.

“are we going to meet our “suitors”?" her hands raised to make quotation marks, making you giggle in this horrible situation all of you are in.

“i think so. you didn’t expect to be paired out with freaking liu yangyang, right?”

“how about you with that lad, jay park-“

“don’t remind me, hye.” you shush her up as you see yangyang and jay’s mothers approaching both of you. you went back into your previous posture and give a small smile as you greet both women.

“let me bring you to jay, sweetie.” she giggled as she took you away from your sisters, all of you separated in different directions as you strode on the carpeted floors. you then find a boy that is talking with a girl, a smirk don on his face before his mother taps him to stop their conversation. he subtly pushes the girl away before turning to you and you already know his infamous playboy behavior is out and about tonight. you didn’t even believe he was as young as you and heard many rumors of him switching girls every two months on average.

“jay. you’ve met (y/n) before.” his mother said to him as you see him squint his eyes, a look you recognize coming from him as he grabs your gloved hand in his.

“moon (y/n).”

“jay park,” you replied similarly.

“i will leave you two to bond.” mrs. park says as she gives you a wink before blending into the crowds.

“whatever bond is,” you mumbled.

“i can show you what bond is.” you heard the boy flirt as you pulled your hand out of his grasp, timidly holding it beside you.

“uh… can we go grab something to eat?” you rub your stomach beneath your dress. “i’m starving.”

“of course.” he then guides you to the buffet table as you search around, seeing a few people you’ve recognized since you were little all grown up. you tried to get as much food as you can because of reasons: 1. mama added more to your food limitations since she scolded you for going past curfew—meaning that you forget how some food tastes; and 2. you want to disgust the man? boy? whoever he classified himself from you by eating like a pig. surely, it won’t be attractive to have a “wife” like this.

“so, where do you go to school?” you talked to him as you eat while he grabs an alcoholic-looking drink that you know he wasn’t supposed to drink.

“a boarding school for the rich. i thought you went there ‘cause you smell like money.” he tried to flirt with you again as you nod.

“i don’t go there.” you almost burp out as you tried to digest all the food you put on your plate. “different school. a public one.” he hums as he sips before he puts his drink, grabbing a plate of strawberry-covered chocolate that he tried to eat seductively.

“i also know about your don juan? lothario ways?” you squint your eyes as you watch his reaction.

“i prefer to call it casanova. but keep going.”

you leaned back before continuing with your words. “and you go to boarding school so…”

you see him smirk while chewing his strawberry, wiping the chocolate coming out of his mouth before saying, “i fucked almost all girls there…”

then and there, you almost vomited out your food as you heard him giggling behind you. a subtle disgust is on your face when you turn to him as you pick yourself up. “almost all?” you questioned.

“yeah with students, below me, the same year, above me, teacher-“ you cut his tangent from your hearing as you ignore him flaunting on sticking his dick inside any women he sees at his school. you rubbed the crumbs from the corner of your lips—careful for your makeup cause mama will come back into her fury mode if she sees a small smudge. the boy talks away as he looks somewhere else, a perfect time for you to slip away into the crowd.

you find a buffet table for drinks as you grab yourself a small glass of water before chugging it into you, feeling the liquid refreshing your esophagus as the last time you drank was before you prepare to come here. holding the glass close to your lips, you view the lipstick mark on the side before you wipe it away with your fingers. your eyes wander around the room, trying to locate your sisters with the boys mama assigned them to. trailing and trailing at the sea of heads when you see someone, your hand froze up as you try not to let the grip of the glass go but not too hard to make it shatter in your hand.

kang taehyun.

he’s wearing an all-black ensemble with a turtleneck right beneath his coat. the glasses sit on his face perfectly and his dark hair has gel in them, letting him style it with his forehead exposed.

what is he doing here?

you put the glass on the table for dirty dishes before you walk on the floor, eyes focused on him. people seem to understand you’re passing by, dispersing so that you can reach him easier. taehyun seems to sense it too when he turns and sees you, a smirk forming on his face. when you reached him, you pat his shoulders before he held your hand against his heart.

“it’s you, right? i’m not dreaming?” you murmured. you can feel it beating beneath the layers between your skin and his skin.

“it’s me.”

you hug him, wrapping your hands to pull him close to you as he puts his hands on your waist—he knows because you’ve hugged and held each other so much. you pull away, letting your gloved hand caress his cheek.

“what are you doing here?” he holds on while he looks at the crowd behind you. the lights are getting dimmer. you can pick up slow jazz playing, letting people dance if they want to.

“i’m taking you away with me,” he spoke out.

“what?” he grabbed onto your hand and pulled you out of the ballroom.

“w- what about my sisters? they’re still in there-“

“their partners have brought them out too,” he explained as you try to keep up with him. seeing the lobby, he brought you down the stairs into the cold street of the downtown area. you heard the explosions of fireworks all around as you walk down the pavement—as carefully as you can because of the heels you’re wearing. the exposed skin along your shoulder can’t combat the cold. hearing you loudly hiss, taehyun offers his blazer for you to wear—buttoning it up so it doesn’t make you much colder.

“how did you find me there? what’s happening?” you genuinely asked. everything is moving behind your back and you don’t like it. you don’t recognize anyone that is as meticulous in planning a heist as this.

for the answer, taehyun pulled out a folded paper from his pant pocket, nudging it to you. you stop underneath a hanging roof of a restaurant, the dim lights coming inside and christmas-themed lights around you help you read out loud taehyun’s handwriting, which you realized aren’t his words.

hello, my daughters.

i know that this is a sudden message to be told, but i’m hoping that each one of you is with a person who you trusted and i also trusted. sooyoung with juyeon, (y/n) with taehyun, hyejoo with sunwoo, chaewon with seungmin, and jiwoo with gyuri as kai had spoken to me—no matter your circumstance, jiwoo, you will always be my daughter.

i’ve sent them here to get you out of the ball that your mama has brought you. i know she didn’t ask for your permission to go and for setting all of you up for marriage. i’m aware she is trying to exert her power on all of you for the last time this year. with the start of the new year, a new decade, a new century, and a new millennium, i hope you will forgive me for not being the best father in your life. i will settle this down during your winter break with your mama and i hope that all of you will be safe wherever you will be for the break.

i love all of you so much and i will reach for you when i’m done or when i need you.

love. papa.

both of your hands hold onto the paper, goosebumps rising underneath the coat. biting your lip, you swipe your tears that haven’t fallen out as you read it one more time to get the words right.

he cares, and he loves you.

“how did you get this?” you mumbled, rubbing your nose because of the dry cold air and tears forming.

“your dad contacted us through aim messenger after a few days after we went home. he told everything to us about what all of you are going through and he needed someone to protect you for the time being. he made a plan to bring us to the ball and pick all of you up as he prepares something behind the scene. he didn’t say much else out of that, but he said he wanted to help you find your happiness after the escalation back home.”

you looked down at the letter, reading the last few words from it as you grab taehyun’s hand, keeping him near you. is that why he has disappeared so much? is that why he has been in his office most of the time? he’s in there trying to help all of you and helping himself too. you wanted to join in on the fight with him and you could read your sisters’ minds that they also want to be with him. but based on the letter, all you have to do is to trust him and trust the preparation he has done to execute.

“i know you agree with this. but i don’t want to be a burden to you and your family. your sister might come home for the break, right? i don’t want to bother her rest with my presence.” you said as you lean your head against his chest, his arm wrapped behind you.

“my parents rent a cottage in a rural village for winter break. i told my family about your situation from your dad and more from the stories you told me. they agree for you to be there.” taehyun said in your ears as the fireworks explode more and more. “and they agree that you need time to heal and you won’t be if you’re in your house.”

you look up at his face when you heard people all around you counting down. your eyes stick to one of the tvs that are playing in the restaurant as the number goes down. people standing and gathering as they stared at the countdown, hands holding a drink of their choice, a few of them wearing glasses with frames that spell the number 2000 on them. as it gets closer, you can hear them counting down loudly from the inside.

fireworks explosions filled the outside as you take a glimpse above the hanging roof, lights sparkling in the dark sky more and more.

your head turns towards the boy as both of you give a knowing smile.

you lean in and kiss him. his hands hold onto you more and you tilt his head, feeling the lips you have missed. the exploding lights and bustling people inside the pub filling your ears with excitement.

pulling away, you glance at him as he glances at you. a certain confidence in his eyes combines with loveliness.

“happy new year, my pixie.”

“happy new year, my silly boy.”

both of you chuckled as you stare at the restaurant, seeing the people sitting back down and fried foods being served on the tables by the servers.

“you want to grab a table?” taehyun asked as he follows your sight.

“we can?” you took a glimpse to see him nod. a grin growing on your face as you drag him, opening the restaurant’s door.

“you have to tell me how your match went…”

the two of you enter the restaurant as the firework extravaganza continues. celebrating a new chapter of everyone’s life, including you and taehyun.

the moon sisters disappeared on the first day of january in the year 2000.

“so, that is how you two met...”

taehyun stares across the dining table to view the pre-teen girl leaning against it. her hands playing with the fork on the table.

“i left out gory details because i don’t want your sisters to know now.” taehyun replied. the sun shines brightly into their house as they eat for the first time in the new year.

it is the first of january of the year 2023 when taehyun tells a story to his three daughters during breakfast. the girls are wearing matching pajamas in different sizes.

his oldest, jihye, is the one that sticks to the words he said the most—because she is the one that asked how he and their mom met.

jihyo, the middle child, is focused on playing mario kart 8 deluxe on the nintendo switch.

and the youngest, jihyun, is hugging her precious teddy bear while holding a handle of a small sippy cup full of chocolate milk.

“is that why mom is a, a p- peu- peusychologish?” his youngest asked, sipping the milk from a straw near her lips.

taehyun chuckled when he listened to his child trying to pronounce her mom’s career. a presence lingers beside him when he heard the chair scraping on the wooden floor and sees plates of pancakes with various toppings on them.

“that’s right, bear, that is why i’m a peusychologish.” he glimpses to see you, his wife, standing beside him, wearing a grey tank top that matches his grey t-shirt. you step behind your daughters’ seats to bring the pancakes for each of them. his heart still beats the same for the last 23 years since the two of you met.

you are now a proud child psychologist while he is a retired professional boxer turned boxing coach. he boxes away to national and even international championships while you learn to help children face things that are beyond their understanding. you still play the guitar from time to time, even playing it in your sessions. he remembered when he went home from one of his matches to see you having a session in your office with a child younger than your youngest. you were playing your guitar—finger-picking style—and he sees the child who looks at you, eyes sparkling as the music plays in the room, before hugging your knees, making the caretaker giggle.

as you meet the new millennium, you knew from what happened in your past—and from the way you still watched svu until today—that you want to help other people who face hardships like you do. you were glad that you were given an opportunity to do so and grab them when it’s your time.

when picking a major for university, you were confused if you want to pick psychology or criminology—two of them are nearly the same where one focuses more on criminal psychology. other than the crime shows you watched, you’re curious because of what you have experienced with your mother. so when you realized you have to choose between helping people like her to reform or helping your inner child, taehyun is your beacon and came to the rescue with his opinion. you choose your inner child first because if you are treating children, you also treat your inner child.

you also didn’t expect to have daughters all the times you’ve gotten pregnant as your sisters have sons with each of their partners. with that, you’ve tried your best not to emulate the worst things about your mother to them, learning also from your mother-in-law how to raise a child the good way.

“i also wanna ask.” jihyo exclaimed as all of you consumed your food at the dining table. “is that why grandpa is alone?”

at winter break in the year 2000, when all of you and your sisters disappear from the face of the earth for a few weeks, papa fights your mother in court. he told all of you how he has collected evidence upon evidence of your mother’s physical and emotional abuse towards him and all of you for the past 20 years they are married. he said it’s enough for one case. but more evidence comes out when in the six months you live in that house, she is also cheating with a younger man.

you remembered holding onto chaewon’s hand when a family law attorney papa hired called you for an interview. trembling hands as you shook her hand and jitters crawling down your skin, she turned out to be the most caring person you’ve known back then. you remembered seeing her eyes glisten when you tell how you want to end your life because of your mother’s deeds, showing her scratch marks on your cheek from when she slapped you until you bleed. after a week passed by with no messages, she asked all of you if you rather live with your mother or papa. all of you unanimously said papa rather than her.

when winter break ends and you went back home to your household, the divorce has been settled. even though she got most of the money—because she is a woman without a job—papa got custody of his daughters. all of you settle into your new home a few blocks away from your previous one, letting her live her life in that house alone before she moves in with her younger lover. taehyun seems upset with the turn of events, but he was just glad that you are settled with your domestic life.

“grandpa is not alone. he lives with auntie chae and uncle seungmin.” jihye tells jihyo as she gave both of you a smile.

“that’s right. and by the way, we will meet them at auntie soo’s house for lunch. so finish your breakfast and take a shower after this, okay?”

“okay, mom.” the girls said as they devour the pancakes. you turn to taehyun as he smiles at you with food in his cheeks. the way his glasses sits on the button of his nose, making you push it up.

when jihye volunteers to wash the dishes as her sisters prepare to go to bathe, you drink your coffee with taehyun, staring at the back garden of your house in peace. the wall where the glass door leading to it stood with two empty spaces on both right and left—where both of you put your precious items there. taehyun’s medals and belts are on one side, newspapers and magazine clippings of him in the ring with his belt hanging on the corkboard you put. the other side is you put your music players and cds, seeing the albums you love now in physical form to hand down to your descendants, a few of them are cd mixes seulgi gave to you back in the early 90s and the special cd mix taehyun gave to you.

“i’m so glad i stick with you for 20 years and more.” taehyun heard you said, you have a raspier voice that he swoon about because of your age—and from the cigarettes too.

“i will be glad to stick with you even until the world ends, pixie,” he replied, making you let out a grunt.

“stop with the pixie nickname, okay? it feels different when you’re hearing it at 40 years old.” both of you chuckled as you stand up and wash your cups. taehyun lets out a smile for the life he made with you before joining you in the kitchen, drying away the dishes, and putting them back into the right place.