#yung part lang talaga na to about friends

[kimhortons]

Sex Education, S2:E6.

felt.

[pupyuj]

KJAJLAHAHA we've had filipina!yujin so ano uhm how about filipina! wonyoung.. her being this rich conyo girl na nasa cheerleading team kaya it was a huge surprise to you when you felt her boner pressing up against you 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 and her being so shy about it to FUCLJAJAJAHA

conyo wony sounds so right omg...

it all happening on the one day wonyoung doesn't have a ride to school 😩 nagkasakit daw yung family driver niya so na pwersahan lang gumamit ng lrt 🫣🫣 "i'm so pawis na girl, sobrang hot pag nag-commute." sabi niya raw sa friend niya, who she's talking with over on the phone 😭 nakatayo siya sa harapan mo, at halos siksik na siksik kayo sa corner kase sobrang busy—everybody was going everywhere, that kind of situation. di mo naman siya kilala on a personal level but you knew she was nice enough. and she gets good grades, does a few cool extracurriculars, tapos cheerleader pa. maarte lang talaga minsan pero overall good girl naman! naaalala mo pa nga nung tinulungan ka niya sa isa mong homework eh, and you forgot to thank her for it back then 😩

"i'll call you na lang later pag near na ako sa school. mwah." sabi niya sa friend niya kasi lalo na sumikip sa train, bringing her even closer to you. ang bango niya, syempre 🥰 napatinging siya sayo, "sorry ha. wala na akong space." bulong niya, which was true enough bcs she might as well be hugging you with how close the two of you have gotten 🫣🫣 nginitian mo na lang kase for some reason di mo alam kung ano sasabihin mo... bakla ka 🙄🙄🙄🙄

pero wonyoung was being real naman! it really was hot as fuck🧍‍♀️even when the trains have air conditioning, there were still too many people in it, and what with the close proximity, you were sweating buckets 😭 undoing like, three buttons on your shirt and fanning your self... wony seeing all of this and... yun nga, nanigas, literally 😋 unfortunately for her, she was taller than you so whenever she looked down, kita niya cleavage mo and she has to pry her eyes away from them... but they were like magnets!! wony scooting a bit closer again bcs people were pushing behind her and there it was... naramdaman mo yung boner niya, and she knew that you did bcs you looked up at her w your eyes and mouth slightly agape... she wanted to disappear 🥲

"s-sorry. fuck, di ko naman sinasadya—ummm..." oh, san naman nagpunta yung confident and charismatic head cheerleader jang wonyoung? nawala! babae lang pala kailangan itapat sa kanya 😘 halos bumigay na yung legs niya nung hinawakan mo yung tite niya, partly out of curiosity, and mostly bcs you were horny 🫣 "ang laki mo pala, wonyoung." bulong mo, slipping your hand inside her compression shorts and wrapping your hand around her thick shaft,,, "ah.. kaya pala, ha?" you said, following wony's eyes that were glued to your chest...

"dito tayo para walang makakita." pulling her closer to a deeper, more secluded part of the corner—jacking her off faster, your lips now leaving a trail of soft kisses up her neck... "h-hindi ko pa naman.. alam name mo, ate." sabi ni wonyoung, hips softly thrusting towards your hand...

"(y/n). remember that."

HAHAHSIDJ tapos you lifted her skirt a bit para makita ung tite niya... yun nga, malaki tapos makapal??? you almost couldn't close your hand around it 😣😣 "gusto mo kantutin mo 'ko, dito?" tanong mo kase basang basa ka na,, hindi mo kaya maghintay until the next stop to be fucked 😩

"hindi... no, i wanna fuck you properly. sa cr. mamaya." sabi ni wonyoung, pulang pula ang mukha 🥺🥺 jacking her off throughout the ride from one stop to the next so she can stay hard... not even caring whether or not it was the right stop you left the train for. hinatak mo na lang si wonyoung sa isang washroom and immediately, hinubad niya yung panty mo, feeling your wetness for herself...

"tumalikod ka, (y/n)."

"wala man lang kiss?" ang harot mo 😭 pero you got what you wanted! before wony just completely turned you around and pressed you up against the door... pwinersa niya yung sobrang tigas niyang tite sa loob mo, halos sumigaw ka pero you were able to hold yourself back naman...

"mmhm.. fuck, ang sikip m-mo..." sabi niya.. dalawang kamay niya nakahawak sa mga suso mo, nearly ripping your uniform open just to feel them... unclasping your bra and taking your nipples in between her fingers, "i want to suck on these but.. mamaya na lang. pagkatapos ko pumutok sa loob mo." tapos binilisan niya na, one hand on your waist to keep you steady while she rams her thick cock inside your walls, driving you insane with each deep thrust... eventually, dalawang kamay niya na nasa bewang mo, fucking into you so good that your mind blanks out whenever she pounded into you...

sobrang lakas ng mga ungol mo, di mo na kaya maitago... siya rin hindi na maitigil sumigaw, biting your shoulder and leaving marks there... "i-i'm glad i took the train today... kung alam ko lang na makakantot kita ng ganun lang, i would've taken the train way more... tangina." halos masakit na yung paglamas niya sa suso mo pero sa sobrang kalibog mo, you didn't care 🤤

"ahh..! ah.. bilis... b-bilisan mo, wonyoung..! gusto ko pa..." ayun, binilisan nga!

it didn't take long for wonyoung to come.. her warm seed filling up your womb, leaking out of your cunt and trickling down your legs when she pulled out 😵‍💫😵‍💫 "sabi mo isa pa?" tanong niya, turning you around to face her.. tapos ang dali niya sumipsip sa mga utong mo, at ang tigas niya ulit 😩

neither of you went to school that day 😵‍💫😵‍💫 fucked for a long time in the bathroom tapos nilibre ka na lang sa hotel para gawin everything ulit for hours 🤤🤤🤤

[criizz]

Need someone to talk to, kundi sasabog na ako.

My work friend, with whom I believe we've built a connection and friendship, just confronted me.

An event related to work happened three weeks ago, and she said there was something I did that she didn't like. While preparing our stall, I asked her to pick up the plastic na nahulog and she felt it was demeaning, napaisip sya na, "utusan mo ba ako, kahit manager kita bat mo ako uutusan na magpulot ng plastic?" She finds it difficult to confront people, so she first talked to a mutual friend about what happened and expressed her frustration. That's why she only now had the courage to bring it up to me.

I acknowledged her courage. However, I also confronted her about how this made me feel sad. During that 3-day event, I felt like she and our other friend were avoiding me. It was hard for me because they left me alone at the booth, and I ended up eating by myself while they ate together. I kept telling myself that I was just overthinking it, that it was nothing. But it triggered an old scar from a previous friendship, where I later found out I had done something wrong, and my friend chose to talk about it to the whole section instead of to me directly. This made others see me differently without me knowing why. Even then, I tried to convince myself that I was just overthinking. And now, it feels like it's happening again.

Masakit lang malaman, na i was so hard on myself to make myself believe na wala lang, nag ooverthink lang ako pero at the end tama pala.

At mahirap sa ganitong situation kasi, yung isang side lang napapakinggan, without knowing your side, di mo mam lang matanggol sarili mo sa lahat ng sinabihan mo.

I also added that: okay friendship aside let's talk about work. If i have to compare naiinis ka dahil sa pinapulot kita ng nahulog na plastic. Ano na lang pala yung nararamdaman ko everytime na pinapabuhat mo ako ng tables, chairs, boxes, do this do that, even choose to support you na kung ano gusto mong iutos para sa event mo e sinusunod ko? Pero di ko naisip yun kasi i choose to think na it's part of supporting you and doing this job.

It ended, with sorry's and 'I will do better next time'. Pero i was concerned if baka unaware ako na ginaslight ko sya? Or baka may mali talaga ako. Ako talga yung mali.

[reynanghugot]

[10:41PM 07222024] kamusta na nga ba ko? recently di rin ako okay, alam yan ng ilan sa mutuals/friends ko dito na nakaka chikahan ko sa personal message like puro shit post sa fb, puro wins and happy memories sa ig/fb stories. idk pero yun ata talaga yung isa sa personality ko na if nakilala ako ng tao na strong ako, ayoko na mabago yun. ayoko na maiba yon kahit valid naman na maging mahina minsan o umiyak minsan.

graduating student ako, ended my last semester in PUP-OUS with flat 1 na GWA. happy ako sobra kasi i feel like lahat ng hirap and pagod ko ng apat na taon unti-unti ng nagpe-paid off like for real, after 12 freaking years finally totoo na 'to na masasabi ko na graduating na ko. aside from that, some saw my story rin na nakapag pa picture na kami for graduation with my friends. apparently, ayoko pa rin i-post not until makuha ko na yung list of names ng graduates. so far, masaya ako no jokes when it comes to academic kasi masasabi ko na finally talaga this is it, pwedeng pwede na mag retire mommy ko.

gumaan din yung dalahin ko recently sa mga relationship ko with friends. natuto ako na makipag communicate about sa nararamdaman ko sa friendship na meron ako sa mga tao na yon. i feel like masakit din sa part ko na magsabi ng mga words knowing na we experienced different traumas in life and i really appreciate them on how they accept my side, pano nila ko pinakinggan and pano nila pina feel sa akin valid din yung nararamdaman ko. this is the friendship na masasabi ko na di ko kailangan pumili. na di ko kailangan na umiwas. di ko kailangan may i-give-up nalang bigla. kasi for sure, sobrang deserve nila yung friendship na meron kami sa isa't isa. maybe some di maiintindihan but if you will listen lang sa lahat ng sides, sobrang gaan sa pakiramdam na para kang binunutan ng tinik sa dibdib.

on the other hand, i know health is wealth and just like before i humbly ask for you prayers na sana monitoring nalang ako annually and di na every six months kasi ang hirap, the anxiety and pressure di mo maiiwasan. aside from that, medyo mabigat siya financially like 20k and above yung kailangan kong i-raise every monitoring not included the follow up check-up fee and medicines kahit na sobrang mura ng maintenance ko for unemployed like me mabigat na rin siya.

finally, natapos ko na rin yung dapat kong gawin sa business ko kanina sa BIR babalikan ko nalang din yung receipt after 2 weeks. all i need to do is focus sa rebranding para mas organize yung shops and hopefully before the pasukan [kasi malapit lang kami sa school] maayos ko na rin yung area ko para sa small business ko.

above all, i am grateful to my strong support system, na hindi ako iniwan from my family to nikko to my friends. despite all the highs and lows since april 2023, they stayed and supported me throughout my ptc journey. sabi ng iba, arte nalang 'to. but for me it's a no. kasi hindi niyo alam pinagdaanan ko from my check-up, pre-op, post-op, till now. that's why i don't mind if my circle is small, as long as masaya ako with them, they respect, love, and understand me okay na ko na sila sila nalang.

kudos to myself for sharing a short life update that no one asked for. Good night!

[starseungs]

the issue about the thesis was the greatest fuck in my college life tbh because first all everything was going great BEFORE the data gathering because i got 90++ grade from our prof which is really good since we did everything together and the proposal was to the highest level of success but everything went apart the moment napabayaan kami, imagine mo me and my friends did our research alone, we didn't know what to do so naghanap kami ng paraan tapos lagpas na sa expiration date defense namin so i almost failed tapos the dean didn't like it and 50-50 yung graduation ko 😭 pero thank God nagawan naman ng paraan and i still graduated with a high grade. and yes maroon school is top tier when it comes to acads, mas malaman yung majors mo compared sa minors. sadyang magkaka-problema ka lang talaga it's either with you or sa prof mo (i heard my prof is not teaching na sa maroon school and stayed sa blue school so ayon, forgot to thank him sa lahat) but yah

your majors won't be the ones who'll fuck you, the minor ones will 🤧 you will do great in college and of course magiging part ka ng dean's list!! YOUR BRAIN HELLO??? TOP TIER TOO here’s a piece of advice, your grades doesn’t matter that much i mean don’t stay sa grade na kontento ka, kunin mo yung grade na kaya mong kunin also, also make sure to have good credentials and backgrounds, the more u engage sa orgs. the better but manage your time. it’s like high school but busier, tiring, mental breaking and emotionally painful so expect a lot of paghihirap but no pressure ok? there are A LOT of times you can enjoy, 4 years of college ON CAMPUS, it will be a great experience too. kaso after grad. thats when life fucks you hard welcome to reality shit and other stuff but hey, you will be alright 🩷 been there, done that just enjoy okay?

HALA HUHU TAMA TALAGA SA MAGDDOWNHILL LAHAT PAG NAPABAYAAN KASI NAGANUN DIN AMIN KAYA MAGKAIBA YUNG DIRECTION NAMIN AT YUNG DIRECTION NA TINGIN NG RESEARCH ADVISER NAMIN NA PAPUNTA KAMI :((( pero im so happy it all worked out for us, and naitawid namin yung defense kahit na-gisa kami 🥲

and i'll take your advice to heart. actually may dalawa na din akong tinitingnan na orgs dito sa blue school d-city (yung isa is an arts and mass media focused org and from what ive seen, they make mvs, documentaries, broadcasts, etc // then the other one is the studenr government AHAHAHAHA wala lang, part din kasi ako ng studgov org sa shs) titingnan ko nalang what calls me 🤷‍♀️

hays lagi akong napapagod sa pag-aaral pero honestly parang di ko pa maimagine sarili ko magtrabaho 😭 hopefully may mahahanap ako na pays good enough kasi alam naman natin kinukulang sa job opportunities tong pinas :')))

[nice2meetyouu]

Mahabang kwento part 1.

Umpisahan natin sa mga bagay na nagustuhan ko sa kanya: stable ang work, may ipon, mabait, considerate, respectful, nakikinig, masayang kausap, generous, payapa pakiramdam pag kasama sya, into fitness, into skincare, financially literate, mukhang parehas kami ng values, nagkakasundo naman ng humor... at marami pang iba.

Fast forward to two weeks after nyang makipagbreak: Nagpost ang mahal kong ex sa social media. Nagtatanong kung justifiable daw bang i-block ako sa lahat ng social media platform. Nakipagbreak daw sya sa akin dahil toxic at unhealthy na ang relationship (sabi sa post). Sinabi rin daw nyang there's no chance of getting back. Alam din ng parents nya ang nangyari dahil ikinuwento nya, at ang payo nila ay iblock ako for good at mag-move on.

Hindi ko maintindihan bakit ito 'yung part na inooverthink nya. Hindi rin ako aware na sinabi nya palang there's no chance of getting back, kasi ang naalala ko, while hindi na raw kami magiging friends, sabi ko, pag okay na, pwede pa ba maging kami ulit? At sabi nya, ayaw nyang panghawakan ko ang mga salita nya, kaya mag-focus na lang daw muna ako sa sarili ko.

Anyway, kanina, nalaman kong dinelete nya 'yung usapan namin. Wala na lahat. Gets ko 'yung idelete nya ang kopya nya, pero bakit pati 'yung kopya ko, dinelete nya? Paano ko na babalikan 'yung mga sinabi nyang malayo sa katotohanan? Paano pag gusto kong ianalyze 'yung mga usapan namin?

Bukod dyan, nagpakadetective ako at nakita ko ang mga bakas nya sa internet. Naghahanap pala sya ng FUBU/ONS noong 2022. Sabihin na nating parte 'yan ng past nya. Pero meron syang mga deleted na post na never kong tinignan o inungkat dati. Apparently, matagal na syang naghahanap ng makaka-date. I was under the impression na first time nya triny 'to dahil daw maraming success stories 'yung friends nya na nagkakilala online. And 'yung mga naabutan ko lang na post nya e naghahanap sya ng accountability/fitness buddy; in between 'yung deleted posts.

Hindi naman masama kung naghahanap sya ng makaka-date. Pero kung babalikan mo 'yung mga inilista kong bagay sa taas bakit ko sya nagustuhan, ang problema e ni-misrepresent nya 'yung sarili nya. Akala ko on the same page kami, maayos communication namin, upfront and honest kami. Pero ako lang pala 'yung ganu'n.

Lagi kong sinasabi na "for your informed decision-making". Gusto ko lang ng tamang expectation setting. Kung babasahin mo talaga 'yung mga sinabi nya sa akin, parang mahal na mahal talaga ako. Tugma rin naman sa kilos niya in real life pag may date. Princess treatment pa nga. Pero nagkaproblema lang, hiwalayan agad. For the first time, I'm hearing about mga reklamo niya tungkol sa akin na never naman na-bring up before. I'd say, kaya naman kami napunta sa setup na mayroon kami, ay dahil sa encouragement niya na sabihan ko siya ng lahat, kwentuhan, okay lang, hindi siya affected. Kung kailangan ko raw siya, sabihan ko lang siya. Kung hindi raw sya pwede, or walang bandwidth, sasabihan nya ako.

So ano 'yun? Someone who kept saying na "I'm here for you" nu'ng gabi, literally gone the next day, stopped talking to me, stopped replying, ni seen wala. Akala ko okay na kami. Yeah right, blinock na ako ng family members nya.

[ginnsbaker]

Hi Ginns(?)!!

Let me just say na from tues to wed, 4am nako natulog para lang matapos ‘to kasi HINDI KO TALAGA KAYANG MABITIN and now tapos ko na sya and gosh— all these feels— 🥺😭 worth it yung sakit ng ulo ko bago pumasok 🥲 Oh how beautiful it is to grow old together with the same intensity and love u have for each other over the past decades..

I am not into (Wanda) angst stories kasi di ko kaya yung sakit LOL kaya medyo conflicted pa ko nung una to read ILGOSS but I’m glad that I gave it a shot coz it’s really exceptional.

Grabe yung therapy sessions; I can say na isa yon sa mga favorite parts ko sa series na ‘to. How did you come up sa mga dialogues ni Calliope? Did you research about it or are u perhaps a Psych major? Coz tbh her povs are really on point and I have to commend you on that.

Thank you for sharing this masterpiece to us, you are such great writer!!!

I hope there would be more one-shots just because 🥺✊🏻

omg hi!!!! im always excited to read tagalog in my asks hahahha! I mean, it still amazes me gaano tayo karameng pinoy even in a niche fandom like wanda x reader :P

first of all, omg thank you for reading all of ILGOSS (and I guess IFISS rin?). I know it's freaking long for a fanfic, but it had to be written that way cause cheating is nooo joke. it's seriously was a deal breaker for me. you know what, same tayo, i actually like reading complete stories only out of fear na hindi tatapusin ni writer ung series :)

re: therapy sessions - yes, I did a lot of research for this. I asked my friends who've been to therapy how the session usually goes, and I watched a lot of reality show that na about couple going to therapy (yup, they exist!), and then channeled my inner "friend na taga advice" to create Calliope :P No, I'm not a psych major, I'm actually a software engineer :D

I already published one oneshot, but that's Yelena X Reader pre-IFISS/ILGOSS. But YAS! A lot more oneshots centered around Wanda and R will be written :) Especially the time when they first got together in college. So, watch out for that :)

Once again, maraming salamat! I really appreciate it, and I'm glad you enjoyed it even though it's angsty :) Take care!

-ginns/J

[papersparrows]

Been a practicing witch for 4 years now, I always hesitated to "out" myself dahil alam kong distasteful siya pakinggan lalo na sa mga di naman knowledgeable talaga sa ganitong practice. But it's always been a part of my life, one way or another. Since bata palang ako I already had some gifts na hindi madaling tanggapin by other people. So yun, secretly practicing ako. Although aware naman ilan kong close friends and family sa mga pinaggagawa ko hahaha. It's a very vast practice and to put it simply, ni isang beses wala akong kinulam or ginawang masama lol. More on energy work ako, divination, green magic, konting mediumship, etc. Mabubuting bagay lang dahil naniniwala ako na what goes around, comes back around.

Anyway, kaya ko lang inexplain konti kasi ang hirap din nang walang mapagkwentuhan ng mga ganitong bagay paminsan and ayoko namang biglain kayo dito na bigla na lang ako nagpopost ng ganitong bagay without context baka ano isipin niyo sakin HAHA.

So the other night, nag tarot ako to get some insight about the incoming week. That's how I knew about my great grandmother that recently passed bago pa sinabi sakin yung balita. Kasi lumabas siya sa reading ko kahit wala pa kong knowledge about sa mangyayari. And then may "bumisita" after ng reading ko. May lumapag na moth sa tabi ng table kung san ako nag tarot.

The next night, nag tarot ulit ako regarding the upcoming events dahil alam ko na agad na mabigat ang linggo ko. I do this to ask for guidance lang. Lumabas yung grandmother card sakin for the very first time. Wala siyang fixed meaning or name, extra card lang siya sa deck. And yet, after doing tarot for a long while now, ngayon lang talaga siya nagpakita sakin. And because of the recent news, I assumed na may lola akong gustong magparamdam hehe. After ng first reading ko, nag isa pa kong session but this time naman ang purpose ko ay to communicate with passed on loved ones dahil nagpaparamdam sila.

Ang gaan sa feeling nung lumabas na cards. And then sa pinaka-final cards ko, lumabas ulit yung grandmother card. And for some reason, nafeel ko na it was a specific person trying to reach out—yung lola Julia ko, mother ng papa ko. I never met her kasi matagal na siyang namayapa before pa nakilala ni papa si mama. And yet, growing up, lagi sinasabi sakin ni papa na lagi daw akong binibisita ni lola Julia ko. Kaya I always felt her presence kahit never ko siyang nakilala. Somehow I know na lagi siyang nakabantay sakin. It's a very comforting thought.

After ng reading ko, naiyak ako kasi nasense ko talaga na nandiyan lola ko. And this whole time, nagpapatugtog ako and nakashuffle ang playlist. So after ko umiyak after ng reading ko, pagcheck ko sa phone ko, nakita ko yung name ng song na nagplay and yung oras naman ay angel number. Si lola Julia nga talaga :) 🤍

No matter how hard things get, ang gaan sa pakiramdam na may mga nagmamahal at tumutulong sakin kahit di ko sila physically nakikita palagi. I love the thought na just because natapos na ang buhay ng isang tao dito sa mundo, doesn't mean na wala na talaga sila sa piling natin.

[0ne4them0ney-2f0rtheshow]

lifeline extras: going back to spain, part 2.

DK didn't say anything. The both of them were just sitting at the couch, looking at the window, while Natasha's head on his shoulders.

"Uhm... okay lang ba... na ano... ikaw na magsabi kay Cho nito? I just... don't want another meltdown. Lalo na magwo-worry anak ko. The walls are thin."

He held his bestfriend's hands for assurance, and said, "Okay, Natasha. Nandito lang kami para sa'yo ha? I know na there are problems where you had to keep it all to yourself pero don't ever forget na we're here for you, okay?" Nat smiled at her bestfriend and nods.

Nang makaalis na sila sa condo ni Nat, DK called Seungcheol immediately at kwinento kung ano ang nangyari.

Seungcheol: I didn't know... DK: And it's okay. She doesn't want us to know din naman. Ngayon na alam na natin, what do we do now?

Seungcheol thought of something and told DK. Hindi sure si DK kung tama ba na ganon ang gagawin nila pero, hey, there's no harm in trying, right?

Pagka-uwi ni Natasha, evident naman na umiyak siya. She looked for her daughter but it was Seungcheol who welcomed him. "Hi."

He hugged her tightly, and said, "Hindi ko sasabihin na okay lang 'yan but we'll get through it, okay? Mahal kita, Nat."

"Thank you, babe. Pero si Nym?"

"Hiniram ni Mama. It's just the two of us for the night, baby. Ano gusto mong gawin?"

"More hugs?" Seungcheol smiled at her and nods.

Habang nakahiga sila, Seungcheol asked Natasha, "Babe, what if I go with you?"

"Mhmm? Saan?"

"Spain."

Nanlata naman si Natasha at umiling, "No, no, no. Okay lang, Cho. Promise."

He held his wife's hand as tight as possible, and looked her in the eye, "I'll be with you all throughout. I promise."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Cho." Memories of the past came back on her head, na para bang hindi nanaman siya makahinga. Seungcheol then hugged her, "Baby, please? Let's try it again. Wala namang masama in trying again, right?"

"Cho... I don't want to disappoint you even more. Paano pag nandon na tayo, tapos ganon ulit nangyari? No, I don't think–"

"Natasha, look at me." He cupped her face and said, "You are different now. Hindi na ikaw 'yung dati. Okay?"

She nods and calms down a bit. "Paano kung–"

"Hindi 'yan. Promise. Let's give it a try, mhmm?" After a long pause, she nods. "Paano 'yun? I wasn't able to book–"

"Si DK na bahala."

On the other side, DK called his friends and told them about what's going to happen.

tatlonghari gc Minghao: Sama ako, DK. Gyu: Wait ah. Balikan ko kayo in 20 minutes. Kailan ulit to? DK: In two months. Sama mo si Bee? Gyu: Oo sana. Wait, kausapin ko lang. Minghao: Wala akong isasama ha. Tsaka na. Hahaha DK: Sila Shua kaya? Minghao: Ako na magsasabi. Pero, you think this is a good idea? DK: I hope so. Si Cho na nagsabi eh. Minghao: Natatakot ako pero at the same time kinakabahan. This is either gonna break her or make her, no? DK: Oo, pre. Gyu: Okay, g na daw si Bee. DK: Ayusin niyo na mga leave niyo ha. Pakita niyo na lang yung invitation. Minghao: Sige, sabihan ko na lang din sila Han. Thank you for this, DK. DK: Anything for Nat. Hay. Kung nakita niyo lang talaga. Nanlumo din ako eh. Minghao: Baka di ko kayanin.

Fast forward: 2 months

Hindi na nila sinama si Nymeria, after all, business trip pa din naman ito. Seungcheol, the good man he is, hindi umaalis sa mata niya si Natasha, who looks nervous, naka-ilang tubig na ata ang inom. They landed na din sa Spain.

"Love, minessage ko na sila Mama na we're here. You can do this, okay?" Natasha tried to smile and nods.

Nasa hotel room na sila, they had the whole day to themselves. But it seems like Natasha doesn't even wanna come out of the room. "Tara, kain muna tayo, babe."

"Okay lang ako, Cho! Busog pa man din ako. You can go out naman." She smiled at him.

"Lah, iwan mo ko? Samahan mo na ko, please?" Nagpa-cute naman si Seungcheol kay Natasha, which by the way, worked!

"Hay, Cho. Okay."

While walking outside, Seungcheol can't help but admire his wife's eyes. Hindi talaga mapag-kaila na Natasha loves Spain. Hindi man sabihin, pero it is evident in her eyes na she's loving what she's seeing right now.

"Okay, dito na tayo."

As soon as they walk in inside the restaurant, nakita agad ni Natasha ang mga kaibigan niya. She held Seungcheol's hand and stopped him, "Anong meron? Anong nangyayari?"

Tinulak lang siya ni Seungcheol papunta sa mga kaibigan niya and said, "Surprise, my love!"

Bago pa man makarating doon sa table, Natasha turned around at hindi na napigilan na umiyak. DK, Minghao, Mingyu, Joshua and Jeonghan immediately ran towards her and hugged her.

"Sabi ko naman sa'yo, diba? Nandito lang kami para sa'yo." DK said.

They can't help but also cry. Natasha's post-Spain era was the hardest thing that's ever happened to her. Witness naman sila doon. And now, after almost a decade, here they are, helping her to heal.

Because after all, tao lang din naman si Natasha. Nakita naman nila na she did her best to make up for what happened in the past. And to see her, go here, despite her fears, is already a sign that she's trying. And for them, that's enough.

[jezawitha-z]

BTS of Arayat escapade

Over a week of preparation, reading reviews, watching reels/vlog about the place, and the hardest part which is determining on how to commute if accessible ba. So I fully decided na pumunta kahapon since alam ko na ano sasakyan na jeep. Half ata ng byahe dumaan yung jeep sa as in bukid talaga at yung mga bahay na nadadaanan namin ay parang tulad nung samin way before and it makes me happy kasi feeling ko na naman malapit family ko sakin. Ang smooth ng byahe hanggang nakarating din sa park at tiniis yung init. Hanggang sa umakyat na sa pinaka-exciting part which is yun din talaga pinunta ko dun, mag hike mini hike. Hahahahaha

This place was actually recommended by someone which we both have similarities pag-dating sa adventure/nature trip/cafe. Sobrang na-amaze lang ako how our quick random conversation that time makes me feel comfortable as we both share our insights and desire to be with nature or mga cafe with nature vibes talaga. Although ofcourse sa halos lahat ng nabanggit nya is napuntahan nya na and there's some naman na I already knew pero naka pin lang sa google maps ko and plan palang puntahan. Sa lahat ng nabanggit nya, itong sa Arayat lang halos naalala ko hahahahaha kaya sabi ko dapat pala nag take down notes ako hahaha

I noticed na yung mga kasabayan/kasalubong maglakad halos group of friends, family, magjowa at ako lang ang solo. Sa registration pa nga lang like napatanong nalang si kuya na "ay solo lang po kayo?", nung nag order naman ako food, same question din.

Sobrang na-enjoy ko yung moment na fresh air, masarap na food and coffee, and the scenery. I decided to read 2 chapters ng book which is at the same time nakisama yung part ng chapters na yun na mixed emotions naramdaman ko. Ang alam ko may araw pa nung patapos na akong magbasa. So nag ikot ikot muna ako around the area, hanggang sa medyo biglang madilim na agad. Imbis plano na maglakad ako hanggang kanto para makahanap masakyan pabalik, wala na at walang masakyan from nature park to sakayan. Ofcourse I was worried pero naghintay parin ako baka sakaling may maligaw na tricycle pabalik. Hanggang sa nag reach out na ako sa bunso namin if he's available to pick me up at ako nalang magpa-gas. I was surprised na yung akala ko sya lang magsundo, kasama pala ang mag-asawa(Mrs. Ann) at tawang tawa ako sa pinag gagawa ko.

Biglang umulan while on our way home, na stuck sa traffic na di naman talaga usually traffic sa lugar na yun, napagsabihan ng kuya yung nagsundo sakin, and I really felt sorry for what I've caused. At the same time sobrang thankful na I still have ppl in my life na one call away lang.

So my biggest takeaways ay hindi na mag ME TIME. Hahahaha kidding aside, I should have consider if may masasakyan ba pabalik lalo na ganitong area na really not along the highway. So yung mga naka pin ko sa GMap na medyo alanganin pala talaga sa pagcocommute, ekis na. Ayoko na talaga makaabala. Nakakaloka.

Be patient lang, your travel buddy will definitely comes your way soon.

[kimhortons]

Suits | S3:E14 "heartburn"

i was willing to give up Harvard for you, you can't give up something for me?

naka relate ako ng very light sa scene na 'to. parang kami ni J, noon pinag tatalunan namin lagi kung saan kami mag sesettle—if dito ba sa bicol or sa manila. firm na firm siya sa desisyon niyang ayaw niya tumira sa manila, sinasabi niya lagi kung gusto ko raw dun ako dito siya, ayaw ko rin dito dati but eventually, nagustuhan ko naman and we decided na dito nalang kami—sa ngayon? hehe

yung sa pagkakaron ng anak naman, napag usapan na din naman namin nung una pa na mas okay na wala nalang. pero hindi rin naman namin tinatanggal yung chance (kung meron man) na magkaroon. lagi niya sinasabi noon, kung magkaron okay lang, kung hindi naman, okay parin. whatever He gives, tatanggapin naman. although minsan, ramdam ko na gusto niya talaga, natutuwa naman ako na nirerespect niya yung gusto ko at hindi naman niya pinipilit.

kaya ramdam na ramdam ko si shiela sa part na 'to kasi may isang beses na naisusumbat ko rin kay J na ginive up ko yung buhay na meron ako sa manila, yung family and friends who are special to me, just to be closer to him, tas isang kundisyon lang hindi niya mabigay. kaya isa na rin 'to sa dahilan bakit weekly kami lumalabas. i know hindi healthy yung sumbatan.

perhaps, it's about compromising lang talaga. although this might not be our permanent desisyon, kasi habang tumatagal syempre nag iiba rin yung gusto namin, medyo nagiging open narin siya sa idea ng pagtira sa manila, pero depende parin talaga sa sitwasyon, iniisip nalang namin kung anong present ang meron kami ngayon. and for now, mas okay naman kami dito.

alam ko, marami pang uncomfortable conversations ang haharapin namin at hard decisions na kailangan namin i-compromise, but i know—sabi nga ni anj kagabi sa reading niya, kailangan ko 'to—i'm confident na malalagpasan namin lahat. hehe.

[archertofus]

clouds ☁️ unang salaysay

sa apat na taong pamamalagi ni zhang hao ft. ang kanyang mga pagka-cute cute na mga pinsan (sobrang cute gusto niyang tirisin) sa paaralang ito ay kabisadong kabisado na siya ng mga kaibigan nya.

matthew and taerae have been his friends since 9th grade. well, they're not exactly this close noon because transferee lang naman si zhang hao sa institusyong 'to dati. maging si matthew. so kumbaga, taerae already had his own established circle of friends nang tumungtong siya dito tapos sila ni matthew ay ang mga bagong salta.

at syempre sino sino pa nga bang magtutulungan kundi sila sila lang na mga hamak na transferees hindi ba?

so, matthew had him figured out like the back of his hand for 2 years and when senior high school came, doon na pumasok si taerae sa litrato kung saan ang binata ay nabahagian ng iilang facts and trivias about hao. parang open book na tuloy siya sa kanyang peers (peers being 2 people), dahil nga kabisado na nila lahat ng galawan nito.

to simply put, wala na siyang kawala.

tulad ngayon.

the 4th rule in the zhang handbook is if he goes missing immediately after class, matic may ayaw 'yang pag usapan. at matic mahahanap mo lang yan kasama ng mga pinsan nya.

it's not that hao's aloof kaya wala siyang ibang circle of friends. hindi rin naman siya suplado. he wouldn't be elected president of their club kung madaming may ayaw sakanya. ang katotohanan lang diyan, medyo wary sakanya 'yung mga tao because he's just... something else.

eh siya din naman hindi siya kumakausap ng kung sino lang. unless he's been approached beforehand you won't catch him talking to someone randomly. habit na din siguro nya na maging skeptical.

after all, this place is not his natural habitat. he grew up in palawan, a part of him died in palawan, and in his heart and mind, palawan will always be his home.

which explains why he's only made plenty of connections instead of friendships in this place. at least a guy knows how to plant his own roots diba?

and anyway, andyan naman nga ang mga pinsan nya so why bother pa? para sakanya matthew and taerae are enough. other people are just collateral damage. ansaveh.

yun nga lang, there are times when he wishes na hindi nalang nya kaibigan 'tong mga dakilang epal na 'to sa buhay nya. those times being now.

"so, dahil nga sa sinabi ko kaya ka nagpa-lista?" matthew inquired at talaga ginigitgit pa sya sa upuan nya, a habit na alam ni matthew ay ikaiinis ng kaibigan nya to the point na he would fess up.

but not today.

medyo in a deep thought kasi sya because of sung hanbin. and the convo that transpired between them just hours ago.

as if on cue naman, dumating din si taerae. "hi everything!" ganadong greetings pa niya kay ricky at gyuvin na may pinagtatalunan nanaman kaya hindi siya pinansin so dedma, tumabi nalang siya kay hao.

"sabi ni matt sasama ka na sa prom, kelan ka magba-bayad? magbayad ka na ha! wala nang atrasan 'to gago. rehearsals na next week! magkikita kita tayo lagi sa audi kasi kami 'yung magdedecorate ng venue." paglalahad niya with a smile pa. yung labas dimples.

sometimes they doubt talaga na taerae only joined the sc for clout. super passionate kasi nya sa role to the point na sometimes it's inspiring to witness it firsthand.

"huy oo nga pala! what changed? si pres ba? kinausap ka ni pres? si pres noh? nag-reply ka sakanya sa twitter umamin ka!" sunod sunod siyang inintriga ng kanyang friend with matching duro duro pa sa kanyang braso subalit tanging kunot ng ulo lang ang binigay nya dito.

"tangina anong problema nito?" tanong ni taerae asking for help na kasi hindi sila kinikibo, but matthew only shrugged habang may nakakalokong ngiti sa labi.

hao would punch his face if he could.

matthew knows him too well minsan it's creepy. what if he can read minds?

pero thanks to matthew's stupid face na mukhang in the mood for chika ay sya nalang ang iniintriga ni taerae.

"nakita mo tweet ni pres? sino kaya ininvite no'n sa prom?"

okay maybe he's not so thankful pala. tangina. ayan din yung iniisip nya kanina pa.

what did that asshole mean when he said he was interested in him?

ano siya item sa facebook live na pwedeng i-mine?

it's so weird because it's so out of the blue.

and what's weirder is how the guy boldy confessed to having zhang hao occupy his mind from time to time. what do he do with that information?

bakit para siyang kinakabahan?

bakit parang sasabog yung dibdib niya?

at bakit may nagba-badyang ngiti sa mga labi niya?

putang. ina. mo. seok. matthew.

in zhang hao's mind he's still blaming matthew for putting ideas inside his head. kung ano ano tuloy dumadapo sa utak nya!

he was at peace. and then he wasn't.

ngayon ang gulo lang.

at lalo pang gumulo when taerae suddenly uttered sung hanbin's title.

"pres!" eskandalosang pag-sigaw nito turning a couple of heads on his direction. "uy pres, tara dito maluwag pa!" eme pa nito akala mo jeep lang.

unfortunately for zhang hao talagang tumayo pa si taerae para ioffer ang upuan niya kay hanbin at ang the rest, kay jiwoong at gunwook!

pag minamalas ka nga naman.

well, fortunately for gyuvin, tabi sila ng crush nya.

at least someone's winning at this round table.

"hi." pag-sabat agad ni hanbin sakanya pero on a soft tone. you know, yung hi na may kasama nang ngiti sa labi? ganon. and the best part, hanbin uttered his hi in a way na si hao lang ang nakarinig.

"huy pres, pano mo napapayag sa prom si hao?"

"HUH?"

"ha?"

they said in unison. at kung una ay kay taerae pa sila lumingon, ngayon ay nagka-tinginan silang dalawa. si hao obviously annoyed, si hanbin naman has an amused expression on his face.

"pumayag ka na pala sa'kin? bakit sa iba mo sinabi?" panimula nito which made the whole table frowning at their direction. mga mosang.

but then again, bakit ganyan siya makatingin? and also, baliw talaga si taerae, zhang hao would definitely kick his ass for this.

"pumayag saan?" pag-singit ni jiwoong. "huy, bro don't tell me—" alternately tinuro nya si hanbin at zhang hao with matching takip labi pa bago tumingin kay taerae, mentally asking kung nagegets nya ba ang kino-conclude ni jiwoong.

it took him a few seconds to finally mirror jiwoong's gestures. ngayon pareho na silang nakaturo sa dalawa. habang ang iba sa table nila ay nakangiti na naguguluhan sa mga nangyayari.

"NAYAYA MO NA SI HAO SA PROM?" si jiwoong.

"PUMAYAG KA?" pag-dagdag ni taerae.

"PUPUNTA NA TAYONG PROM?" sabat naman ni gyuvin.

lahat sila ay nag-aabang sa confirmation pero to their disappointment nagtaas lang ng pakyu si zhang hao sakanilang lahat at itinuon ang atensyon sa pagkain leaving his friends and cousin hanging.

being respectful of hao's decision to not disclose anything, nag shrug nalang din si hanbin at may ngiti parin sa labi.

jiwoong could almost throw up kasi kanina pa siya ganyan. big smile plastered on his face since this morning, maski pagre-recite nya may ngiti parin.

but he chose to pay no mind. kung gaano kakapal naman kasi ang mukha ni jiwoong sa socmed eh kabaliktaran sya in person. he's surprisingly decent and behave. yari nga lang mamaya sakanya si hanbin who's now observing zhang hao's way of eating.

the meal of the day: giniling.

a more sophisticated name for giniling? picadillo.

korek, yan lang naman ang parehas nilang ulam.

and shawn right here notices a small quirk of zhang hao. the latter separates the olives from his food. and if you watch sitcoms, you'll probably share the same mind as hanbin right now.

"ayaw mo ng olives?" tanong niya, stalling zhang hao from inserting a spoonful of rice in his mouth. "can i? take it? mahilig ako sa olives."

share mo lang? hao wanted to blurt out pero sumenyas nalang sya kay hanbin to go ahead and just pick the damned olives kasi alam niyang pinapanood parin sila ng mga kasama nila.

"are you familiar with the olive theory?"

zhang hao heard a snort coming from matthew kaya napa-react na din siya. "ano?"

"olive theory. compatibility test 'yan. they say na two people would be perfect for each other if one loves olives and the other person hates them."

"anong konek?" pakiki-sawsaw ni taerae.

"wala naman." sambit ni shawn, shrugging after drowning a glass of water.

"i'm just... implying na, you and me—we might make a perfect couple you know?"

dagdag pa nya sporting a smirk towards hao's direction bago nag iwas at nagpatuloy sa pag-kain na parang wala lang.

everyone on the table had malicious smiles displayed on their faces.

and hao should be smoking mad dahil napagkakaisahan siya right now but instead he's not.

one thing's for sure.

sung hanbin. shawn. or whatever the fuck they call him. he's confusing zhang hao. big time.

[bbarican]

⟡⋆˚☆˖°~ ♡ life updates ♡ ~⟡⋆˚☆˖°

hi, tumblr! its been a minute since i last sat down and talked about everything i feel like i need to talk about para, again, i can process these thigns and know how to move forward; on that note, here's some life updates for yall:

family:

we're okay naman, my cousin from iloilo is staying here until the end of the month kasi she's reviewing for the nclex so its nice to have an additional member to our family

i love my dogs so much, im just sad na si hiro (our baby boy) is the type na ayaw ng cuddles as in kakagatin niya kami if we even attempt to carry him so hindi ko siya ma-hug talaga

my kuya is finally coming home, and this time mas matagal siyang mag stay na talaga kasi he's going to look for work na here which i hope turns out to be successful

we're travelling ulit sa susunod na long weekend and im super stoked kasi we all havent been to this country before so its going to be super exciting

work:

september is going to be super busy pero i know for a fact na kakayanin ko naman

my two college bestrfriends turned officemates are now officially leaving the company; im torn kasi syempre a part of me is super sad na theyre leaving since it was really fun to be working in one company with them, pero at the same time im okay din with them going kasi atleast this (this company, the work i do, the people ill get to work with) will be my own ulit, do you get me? parang i was okay before they became my officemates and im sure im going to be okay once they leave too

im glad to have a few small design projects again kasi this time around feel ko mas kaya ko na to juggle both my roles as designer and as a manager (which is still such a funny thing to me; me being a "manager" pero when you look at everything i do, pang-manager nga siya)

im excited for the 15th kasi thankfully there's a big blessing coming our way which i will never get tired of thanking our company for

friends:

im worried na my college barkada is slowly drifting away pero again i just need to remind myself na we're all just busy and just because we're busy doesnt mean we're not friends anymore

im glad na we'll be doing our own things na; im excited to support all of my friends in whatever they do

shoutout to jed and chie, i dont know if you guys will ever see this but i miss you guys so much na ulit i hope we get to hang out na ulit soon

to keith as well! im glad na we're talking again and im glad youre back on tumblr

personal:

im glad na i actually get to open up to my mom na din; kanina over dinner, we talked about my (very non-existent) love life, and work problems, and how i feel sad about my friends being busy nga

and as much as at first it really is uncomfortable, i make sure to push through that feeling especially if kasama namin baby brother ko kasi gusto kong marealize and makita ng brother ko na its okay to talk about anything with me and my mom

i think i posted about this na nga pero ayun hindi na talaga nag message ulit yung guy na kausap ko before; nakakainis lang talaga kasi he asked me out on a date and i wish he never did nalang

my room is clean and my stuff is organized and im ready to stay in bed and play my silly little game on my phone

if youve made it this far into my life updates, thank you for reading

i hope you guys have a lovely saturday evening and i hope the rest of the weekend is kind to all of us ♡

[nice2meetyouu]

✨Sleep therapy for today ✨

Nagpunta kami sa birthday party ng pamangkin ko. Naisip ko, ang wasteful ng kids' party (or at least, 'yung style kanina). Naisip ko rin, kung ako ang magpaparty, siguro mga 7-10 people lang mai-invite ko, kalahati noon e kamag-anak, tapos konting friends from school. Most likely, intimate dinner lang 'yung style or something. Or spa party or byahe sa resort.

Anyway, children's party naman 'yung kanina so gets, pero ang kaunti lang ng kids, siguro mga 5-7 tapos hindi pa game sa mga palaro. So, adults na lang ang niyayang mag-participate. Karamihan sa attendees e mukhang friends from work ng pinsan ko and mga kamag-anak ng asawa niya. Except sa hello and thank you, hindi wala naman kaming interaction halos ng ibang tao roon, kahit 'yung mga kamag-anak namin.

I hope na nag-enjoy 'yung pinsan ko, asawa nya, at 'yung 1-year-old nila, kasi if hindi, 'yun ang ultimate sayang. I kept seeing 'yung balloons, cups, plastic things and even food na mapupunta lang sa basurahan ('yung lolo ko for example andaming ayaw sa food). Pang-budget meal ng estudyante kasi 'yon, which isn't bad if may 30 kids na umattend or so.

Nag-reminisce lang ako about 'yung party namin noong kinder ako na sa ganoon din ginanap (ibang branch) at 'yung cute naming pictures ng mga kaklase ko. Also tinago pa ng kaklase ko 'yung pictures so pag bisita ko sa bahay nila, pinakita ng tatay niya sa akin. Haha. Memories.

Tapos, tumambay nanaman ako sa mga job posting site at andami kong nakitang mga naghahanap ng "property specialist." Sabi ng parents ko, mag-apply daw ako tapos ipasa ko sa kanila pag bentahan na. Kasi may age limit usually na pinopost. Napa-comment nga ako sa isa, "bakit until 32 lang." Kung gusto nga naman nila na confident tungkol sa mga kabahayan, may network, at medyo walang ginagawa sa life, why not 'yung mga semi-retired mommy or empty nesters.

After a while, na-toxic-an na ako sa ginagawa ko, and karamihan ng mga post hindi for me (for example, looking for translators or actuarial officer), so naisip ko, mag-stick na lang kasi sa moonlighting jobs. Until now hindi pa ako nakakapagsimula kasi wala akong mahanap so far na malapit dito sa bahay and okay ang schedule (usually 24 hours palagi tapos ER post pa). Also within a few seconds of posting, post taken na agad 'yung mga LF. Matindi ang competition. Mas nakakakita ako ng regular doctor jobs sa paligid, pero may regular job na ako eh, gusto ko talaga extra money in a few hours of working lang. Pang-gyudon ko.

Everytime may "nalalakihan" sa sahod ng doctor, naaactivate ang fight (not flight) mode ko sa pagpapaliwanag na kulang 'yon compared sa mga pinagdaanan to get here. Pero ako rin naman nalalakihan sa sahod ng mga surgeon na consultant, tapos ang sisipag pa nila, everyday, nasa operating room. Iba naman kasi 'yon. Mga edad 50 pataas na sila at hindi sila makakapag-opera forever.

'Yung friend ng nanay kong may anak na doctor, nag-post ng now serving profile niya sa social media. Pero wala akong gano'n kasi ayokong mag-market sa mga kakilala. Mas trip ko magkausap ng mga stranger para no strings attached.

Actually, sa kabila ng lahat, parang ambilis lang ng party. 'Yun nga lang may humarang sa parking namin kaya wala ring silbi na maagang nakalabas sa building. After no'n, natulog lang ako until now. Mula kagabi, after kong matapos ang deliverables, sabi ko, pahinga na talaga. Kailangan ko nang lumayo sa part-time for now at mag-focus sa recovery para pagdating sa Monday e ready ulit! Dadating pala 'yung may mataas na katungkulan sa opisina from abroad next week so need ko rin ng energy for that.

I'm happy kahit papaano kasi kayang bawiin ng tulog 'yung pagod ko. May time na kahit matulog ako, paggising ko, masakit pa rin, or something. Parang pumikit lang ako at dumilat. Pero ngayon, I feel the weariness going away.

Happy Sunday!

[chuplado]

I just want to vent out.

*I will just put this here - I still don’t have the courage to say this out loud yet - since ‘di naman to makikita at wala namang usually ang nagbabasa nito, I will just use this medium to say anything I wanted to say*

Out of nowhere ngayong early in the morning, kakatapos lang ng shift ko, while I am watching Hospital Playlist in Netflix, may dalawang magkaibigan sa eksena. Yung isa, may sakit at yung isa naman, magdodonate ng liver for his bestfriend. Bigla kong naalala yung bestfriend ko sa mga sagutan nila sa eksena, naluha ako. Namiss ko pala yung bestfriend ko.

Simula nung nag-pandemic, napakadalang ko na syang makausap and at the same time, since 2019, even if magkalapit lang naman ang Bulacan at Metro, hindi kami nagkikita. May mga dahilan ako kung bakit - yes, he’s my bestfriend pero there are some reasons why I stopped communicating. Ganito yata talaga ako kapag gustong manahimik (on which one of my weird traits) - kahit gaano pa tayo magkalapit sa isa’t isa, maninibago at maninibago ka sa biglang pag-shift ng mood, ugali. at pakikitungo ko. I am not vocal pagdating sa mga nararamdaman ko - as much as possible, gusto kong sinasarili ko na lang, hahayaan ko na lang na sarili ko na lang ang masaktan kaysa makasakit pa ko ng damdamin ng iba. And yes, masama ang loob ko sa bestfriend ko.

Actually, dumating o humantong ako sa point na parang narerealize ko na I am about to cut ties na dahil sa mga pinaggagagawa at mga desisyon ko - thinking na ‘di ko deserved yung treatment  sa akin ng mga tao so I have to cut them out and I don’t think na deserved kong mag-stay sa mga ganung set-up. Pero on this case, para akong jowa na pilit pa ring nagta-try para maayos yung sitwayson at ang relasyon.

I’ve tried to reached out again nitong mga nakaraang buwan pero sobrang awkward na. Yung akala kong scenario na “kapag true friend mo, kahit magkalayo kayo at ‘di kayo nagkausap nang matagla na panahon, once magkausap ulit kayo, parang walang nagbago” eh hindi pala nag-aapply sa amin. Sobrang nagta-try ako bumuo ng conversation pero wala talaga - ang awkward na talaga. Even him, he didn’t even try to prolong the conversation. Wala na rin yung gaguhan sa chats - yes, I know, nagmamature and tumatanda na, pero mararamdaman mo naman yun eh... wala na yata talaga.

Pero kanina, I tried again. I started by mentioning that I missed him, na naalala ko siya dahil nga sa napanood ko. He replied and nangumusta siya - then I answered. I started to share my current state, that I am struggling to know what I really want in life at naguguluhan ako... then he answered quickly, “Sabi ko sa yo, mag part-time ka na sa FA (Financial Advisor) eh...”

Eto na naman nga..

He started to try to solve it again by giving me such statement - really? I just want to vent out eh!

Ganyan siya palagi! Isa yan sa mga dahilan bakit ‘di ko pinapansin ang mga chats niya nung mga nakaraang taon. Everytime magre-reach out ako, palagi isinisingit ang pag-aalok ng insurance at pag-aaya sa akin to be his FA sa team niya. Alam kong mahal niya ang ginagawa niya, pero utang na loob, sumosobra na. Maybe most of the people na makakabasa nito, iisipin na ang kitid ko naman mag-isip pero ito ang nararamdaman ko eh...

There’s a history rin kasi. May mga instances na nayaya ako sa mga businesses and I know, those are “sketchy“, like “too good to be true” pero sumama ako, for the sake of the passive income and yung pagpayag sa mga alok niya. Everything didn’t went well in the end - lahat, scam. ‘Di ko siya sinisisi, alam ko naman una pa lang na ‘di talaga magtatagal at magwowork yun, pero na-tanga lang din ako at sumubok ako sa ganun.

Everytime na magkakausap talaga kami nung mga nakaraang taon, di mawawala yung pag-aalok niya sa akin ng insurance. Yung tipong gusto ko lang talagang makipagkwentuhan, pero nauuwi pa rin dun. Magre-reach out lang din siya kapag di pa niya naaabot yung quota/target niya, pipilitin niya akong kumuha. Sa sobrang pagiging dedicated sa ginagawa niya, ‘di na yata napapansin yung epekto nun sa iba. Dumating sa point na iniiwasan ko na lang siyang kausapin. Kahit may mga pinagdadaanan ako na gusto kong i-share, ‘di ko magawa sa pagwoworry na baka dun na naman mauwi yung usapan.

Nalulungkot ako na ganito ang kinahihinatnan nito. I don’t have a lot of friends and yung nangyayari pa yung ganito, masakit para sa akin.And ending, wala talaga akong nakakausap. Dumating na akio sa point na tumawag na ako sa Employee Assistance Hotline ng company namin para lang may makausap at makapaglabas ng sama ng loob. Sobrang naaanxious na ko.

Hindi ko lang din maintindihan kung bakit parang wala lang para sa kanya na ganito na kami ngayon - hindi ba talaga big deal sa kanya na ‘di talaga kami nagkakausap? balewala lang ba talaga sa kanya?

Nakakapagod mag-isip... Gusto kong ibulalas ang lahat kasi nakakapagod nga. Papaano na lang kapag dumating na yung time sa plan ko na umalis na ng bansa, may magbabago kaya? Or totally back to zero talaga ako?

Sana maging ok na ako. Kahit walang ibang tao. Kahit mismo sa sarili ko na lang, sana maging ok na ako.

[papersparrows]

april 22, 2023

tw: mentions of domestic abuse

-

After ng show ni Phum, tumambay muna kami sa isang café sa loob ng Town. Kasama ko HS best friend ko, and kumain lang kami kasi hinang-hina na ko that time dahil lahat ng kinain ko bago umalis ng bahay ay sin*ka ko lang din. Need din namin magchikahan, so that's what we did dahil fresh from breakup ang best friend ko. It was a fucked up situation so wala kaming pakialam kahit nag-iiyakan kami sa gitna ng café hahaha.

Nung lumabas na kami ng Town, nagbook kami ng Grab pero magkahiwalay kami kasi pupunta pa siyang Makati para magdinner with coworkers naman. Ako, need umuwi dahil nilalagnat pa at yung show lang naman pinunta ko. There was an older lady na nag-aabang din ng ride sa tabi namin, and she approached us to ask kung may taxi pa. Sabi namin di na namin nakikita talaga puro Grab na lang kasi mga sinasakyan, so napa-book din siya ng Grab. Dumating agad ride ng best friend ko, so naiwan na lang kami nung tita. She asked for my help dahil mahina signal para mag data, so I obliged. I helped her look for the right license plate rin kasi hindi na niya makita masyado. And then, she asked me if Catholic ako and I told her that I was. She then asked me if I could pray for her, if I could pray really hard... and then she started crying so I tried to comfort her. She told me na battered wife siya to a cheating husband, and that her kids are kind of blaming her for what's happening. "You are what you tolerate" pa nga daw, which I found to be extremely unfair. Nobody wants to tolerate these things. Hindi madali umalis sa ganong sitwasyon lalo na if malakas yung kontrol ng taong yun sa buhay mo. Sabi rin niya na her husband basically killed her on paper (always wrote "single" sa legal documents regarding properties and valuable possessions nila as a married couple) and apparently lawyer din pala asawa niya kaya nakakalusot. She said that if she left, she would have nothing. If she was left by him, and he's been gone for 3 days na daw, she would have nothing as well. It was clear to me that she needed to vent, so I let her. I don't think she was being allowed the space to talk about it at home with her family. She told me more details about her life, and even showed me a bruise she had on her forehead that she got from her husband. 😔 My ride arrived and I told her I had to leave, but I asked for her name so that I could contact her through fb and offer to listen to her troubles, offer possible legal advice because my family runs a law office as well, and just let her know that she has a friend and that I'm ready to help any way I can.

Here's the crazy part!

When I mentioned that we run a law office, she asked for my full name and where I was from, and then asked if I was related to Atty. *insert my dad's name* from UP Diliman daw. I was shocked!! Sabi ko sa kanya na dad ko yun, and she was equally surprised! She told me that she was a batchmate from when my dad studied there. I confirmed to her that that was my dad she was talking about, but had to deliver to her the news of his passing and that he was gone 2 years ago. I promised I would text her to check if she got home safe, and I rode my Grab. I had a hellish ride btw but pagod na kong ikwento because it was so bad!!! I was genuinely terrified and texting family members na. The driver was clueless, relied on me for directions despite me telling him di ko alam kung san niya kami dinadaan (he chose a route he NEVER went through just to avoid traffic), and then after a supposedly 40 min ride that stretched into nearly 3 hours, guards wouldn't let us in from where we passed through so he ended up having a full-on altercation with them. Siya pa yung nagalit sa ginawa niya and he was driving so recklessly due to anger. I ended up being way more sick that night when I got home because of the stress I felt like I was dying haha. I was legit ready to ask to be dropped off along the way na lang from being so scared but I couldn't because I felt so sick. Tiniis ko na lang.

Later that night, the tita replied to me and told me she got home safe and told me that I'm an angel sent her way. She told me her husband's full name din, which I took note of, and realized that my dad has mentioned this name before. Even my mom recognized him by name. But I don't think they really knew each other (my dad and that lady's lawyer husband) dahil not from the same vicinity naman kami but small world lang din ang lawyers they at least know almost everybody by name.

I just think it was such a wild coincidence like who would have thought we would cross paths? I know this is such a heavy topic, but I am completely not at all inside her world and her life, and I can't do anything she won't allow me to as a stranger she just crossed paths with. We do still talk to each other through messenger, kamustahan, just reminding her that she has a friend from afar. It makes me happy to know I can offer her some joy and friendship. Maybe my dad brought her and I together in that short moment. He does like to pull the strings from heaven after all, I've noticed.