#yulemas exchange

[live-the-fangirl-life]

The Best Way to Spread Christmas Cheer…

Aelin Galathynius x Rowan Whitethorn

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” / “do not go quoting Elf on me.”

Better late than never, happy @rowaelinyulemasswap to @thegreyj

Masterlist | Read on Ao3 | Wintery Collection

1752 words

*******

It was like they’d been dropped in the middle of a snow globe.

A festive, charming, cold enough to see your breath but not so cold to be miserable holiday snow globe. Truly, in Aelin’s opinion, it won the certified hallmark stamp of approval. All the houses were decorated with lights; some white and shimmering, others flashing a rainbow’s worth of soft glows on the freshly fallen snow. Through open windows, shone lit up Christmas trees and candles burning low in their menorahs. Even the lawns were spotted with snowmen dressed in hats and scarves with carrots hanging off their smiling faces. All the picturesque details were there, right down to the group of carolers parading down the street.

Especially the group of carolers parading down the street.

Maybe she was biased, but as she closed the lyric book in her hand and walked with her group to the next door, Aelin decidedly put carolers at the top of her holiday cheer list.

“Shit.”

The man whose foot just lost its battle to a pile of snow didn’t seem to agree.

Flashing him a grin she knew would only annoy him further, Aelin walked past him as he aggressively shook the snow off his boot. “Lighten up, Whitethorn. A little snow won’t hurt you.”

She heard him grumble something under his breath which she chose to ignore and felt the corner of her mouth twitch up.

It wasn’t until they’d stopped walking and settled themselves in front of the next house that she got a better look at him.

The way the snow was falling, flurries landed on Rowan’s deep green hat just long enough to look intentionally placed on the woven threads before melting away, leaving tiny, darkened patches of dampness behind. Aelin was only half paying attention to the song when she caught his eye. He scowled…but it wasn’t cold. Not like she assumed his foot was.

Aelin wasn’t entirely sure why he was subjecting himself to this if he so obviously disliked it.

But his agitation was her delight.

The more he visibly objected to their outing, the more amused Aelin grew. For each house with its amateurly hung lights that blinked a little too fast and doors answered by people who clearly had one too many cups of eggnog, Rowan became more and more touchy – which only made Aelin lean into the spectacle that much further.

She thought she caught the corner of Rowan’s mouth curl up in a smirk after one of her quiet jabs about their ringleader’s overenthusiasm – bless Lysandra’s patience – but she chalked that up to the glittering lights, their glow dancing across his face and highlighting the sharp planes. It drew her attention like how any sudden movement draws attention; involuntarily.

With every house they passed, it was involuntary.

The few of them had been out walking for nearly an hour when Aelin finally nudged him in the ribs with her elbow. They were standing in the back of the group, so she was able to lean over and whisper without interrupting the song.

“Come on, Whitethorn,” she turned her chin up to meet his gaze and smirked. “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.”

He gave up all pretense of looking half-involved and narrowed his eyes at her before deadpanning, “Do not go quoting Elf on me.”

Snorting quietly, Aelin watched Rowan roll his eyes and huff. He was either exasperated or amused, she wasn’t sure which. Maybe both? Probably both.

With an over-exaggerated flip of his book, Rowan found the music sheet the group was currently on. And then with a shake of his head, he joined in.

She found herself standing next to him most of the time despite the clear instructions they’d all been given:

All you tall people in the back, we don’t need you blocking our vertically challenged friends from view –

and,

Please, for the love of God – don’t look at me like that Moonbeam, I know she’d agree with me – tell me you know what part you can sing? Sopranos stand with sopranos, Tenors over there, and my tone-deaf lovelies just fade into the background.

But, Aelin would fall back claiming the sidewalk was too icy up at the front. Rowan would step forward saying the walkway hadn’t fully been shoveled in the back.

She bit back her surprise as he started singing without argument and allowed herself a second or two to listen to his strong Baritone. His voice Steadily rose to match everyone else in volume so it wouldn’t be too obvious he hadn’t been singing from the start. When he side-eyed her and jerked his head to the book in her hands with a look that screamed if I have to do this then so do you, Aelin flashed him a grin and rejoined the chorus.

If Rowan dropped a note when she smiled at him, that was his business.

If Aelin missed a syllable when he returned it, that was hers.

“You’re cute when you sing off-key.” The words escaped her before she could even process the thought.

PAUSE.

REWIND.

“Caroling?”

The bright green sign tacked up to the bulletin board in the middle of the breakroom was hard to miss. Especially as it advertised in big, bold letters the optional holiday caroling the office would be sponsoring.

“Yes,” Lysandra smirked behind a stack of flyers in her hand. “Caroling.”

Arching a brow as she leaned against the counter, Aelin sipped her steaming mug of coffee and narrowed her eyes at her friend.

“Why? Where? When? Why?” The blonde ticked off a finger with each question, “Again, why?”

“Can you be a little more specific?”

Huffing, Aelin pushed away from the counter and jerked her head towards her office. Lysandra followed in step. “Why are we being asked to go caroling? Where is this supposed to be happening? When are we expected to do this? Why would I voluntarily spend more time with people I work with? Why do you look like you’re behind this?”

Aelin’s office was nice. One wall was entirely made of windows that let in the sunlight without feeling like she was sitting in it for eight hours, and she could see the snow-covered streets below. There was enough room to have comfortable seats opposite her desk, and there, directly across from her open door, was another office belonging to one Rowan Whitethorn. But that was irrelevant.

Lysandra took her usual seat in one of the light green chairs and finally answered.

“To spread holiday cheer,” she held up her fingers, teasing Aelin about her own gesture a minute ago. “From Orynth Street to Rifthold Avenue. Next week – a week from yesterday, actually. Because anyone who volunteers will get an extra half vacation day, now shush – that’s supposed to be a secret incentive. Because I am behind this…and I get a full vacation day.”

It wouldn’t be the worst thing. Aelin wasn’t really sure why she was hesitating; it wasn’t like she had a grudge against the holidays. On the contrary, she adored this time of year. And all the songs were well-known classics, arguably too well-known. And she could always use more vacation hours.

…And she might be able to see a certain coworker in a different element, which could either go really well or really horribly.

“Okay, I’ll go caroling,” Aelin agreed, laughing as Lysandra fist-bumped the air before flinging herself out of the chair and walking backward out of Aelin’s office. “Hey, do you need help recruiting people?”

The brunette’s high ponytail swung around, hitting Aelin’s doorframe as she nodded her head. “Yes, please, thank you!”

And with that, Lysandra left, and Aelin mentally prepared herself for whatever the hell she’d just got herself into.

FAST FORWARD.

RESUME.

Rowan stopped walking in the middle of the sidewalk and turned to face her with an arched brow. “Did you just call me cute?”

Aelin blinked as she realized what she’d just said. She saw the shock on Rowan’s face dissolve into light amusement and a small smirk play at his lips the longer she sputtered for a response. It was the damned smirk that snapped her back to life, scoffing, and hoping her face didn’t look as hot as it felt.

“I think I complained about your unfortunate singing.” She put as much bravado behind the remark as she could and made to walk around him.

Despite their often-heated bickering and petty rivalries that her other coworkers, *cough* *cough* Lysandra, always seemed to have some sort of ‘agonizing sexual tension’ or ‘just kiss already’ comment about, neither she nor Rowan had crossed that line. The one that let them simmer in held gazes and lingering touches without worrying anything about the whys.

They had an unspoken understanding that she’d just broken with one tiny, stupid, accurate word.

Rowan put a hand on her shoulder, stopping her from walking away. She lifted her chin and caught his eye, daring him to make some smart comment. She readied herself for it as the smirk on his face grew, even as she was both thrilled and annoyed at herself for being thrilled that he wasn’t going to let her brush it off.

“I heard that part,” he huffed, and a white cloud of breath floated between them. “Before that – what did you say?”

Their group had nearly rounded the corner of the block but neither paid the carolers any attention.

“I think your hearing is as bad as your singing.” Aelin tried to argue as she glanced away from him. But Rowan pulled her attention back by tugging on one of the strings hanging from the side of her hat. “I didn’t say you’re cute,” she huffed at his raised brow, “I said…I said – oh shoot!”

He hummed, entirely unconvinced. That was fair, she wouldn’t have believed her lame-ass excuse either. He was quiet for a moment, searching her face for something before his mouth tugged up again, apparently finding whatever he was looking for. “Hmm, well,” the falling snow picked up a little faster and more flakes dusted her face as Aelin waited for Rowan to continue. “You are too.”

Aelin blinked, a small smile creeping across her face as Rowan grinned at her, gave her hat one more tug, and turned around to see her as he began walking backward down the sidewalk. Her smile grew until—

“Hey!” she huffed, “I do not sing out of key!”

*****

Taglist:

@acourtofsnakes @a-frog-with-a-laptop @astra-ad-mare @autumnbabylon @backtobl4ck @bankerfrog @becarefuloflove @camerooonchiu @captain-swan-is-endgame @charlizeed @cookiemonsterwholovesbooks @doubt-less @earthtolinds @elentiyawhitethorn @feyretales @goddess-aelin @highqueenofelfhame @jorjy-jo @julemmaes @leiawritesstories @lemonade-coolattas @llyncooljones @mariamuses @moodymelanist @morganofthewildfire @nerdperson524 @rhysiedarling @rowaelinismyotp @rowaelinrambling @rowanaelinn @shyvioletcat @stardelia @superspiritfestival @sv0430 @swankii-art-teacher @thegreyj @the-lonelybarricade @the-regal-warrior @tomtenadia @westofmoon @whimsicallyreading

[thegreyj]

A little peek into A Holiday Dream

Happy holidays @sassyhobbits! ✨❤️ It is I, your Rowaelin Yulemas Exchange Secret Santa! As it is the official day for the Yulemas Swap, I sadly have to inform you I have not finished your gift yet, thanks to me suddenly working long, tiring days.

BUT! I do have a little peek for you to get into the spirit, and I promise to finish soon. (There is a little fic and it will have an accompanying art piece too!) You wished for something sweet and romantic, and I couldn't think of anything more sweet and romantic than this little idea I started for you! I hope you enjoy this little snippet - and eventually the entire gift! ❤️

--

A Holiday Dream - snippet

I had the weirdest dream, Aelin thought as her brain was reaching consciousness. Her eyelids still felt heavy, so she didn’t try to open them yet. Instead, like any normal human being, she tried to feel around her bed for her phone. She was patting the bedding, the pillows, the body next to her-

There was a body next to her.

Suddenly, her brain was wide awake, and her eyelids popped open quicker than a lightning.

Then she realised her hand was still touching the warm, naked chest next to her. Swallowing loudly, she turned her head only to see the familiar silver hair glinting in the morning light. As if sensing her eyes on him, the silver-haired man sighed in his sleep and turned slightly towards her, his hand grasping hers.

Aelin couldn’t help but to stare at their hands together. It wasn’t just a dream.

Then the smile took over her face, and happiness enveloped her entirely. Rowan was home.

She didn’t know how long she simply watched her boyfriend sleeping, but at some point, she realised his beautiful pine eyes had started looking back at her. Oh, how much she had missed those eyes.

“Good morning, love,” his voice was deeper than it usually was, as was normal for him in the mornings. Aelin blinked and teared up. He really was here.

“Rowan,” she choked and reached her free hand to touch his face, her other hand still entwined with his.

“Yes, love, I am really here,” he smiled and wiped away the few escaped tears from her cheek. “Happy Yulemas.”

--

will update taglist eventually

[rowaelinscourt]

This year we thought we might try something different…

Calling on all content creators!

Rowaelinscourt invites you to participate in a gift exchange this festive season. We have decided to organise a Secret Santa! All fanworks are welcome. So whether you write, draw or know your way around a playlist, please sign up and celebrate our most favourite of OTPs while spreading a little holiday cheer.

The way it works: just submit your name for the list using this link and we’ll do the rest. The Little Folk will work some Yulemas magic, and you’ll be assigned another creator to prepare a gift for. In fairness, we ask that you only sign up if you are confident that you can deliver a gift for a fellow member of the fandom. Of course, we do understand that life happens, and if for whatever reason you can’t please just let us know. Gift delivery date is the 24th of December.

We will leave the sign up form open until Friday, November 10th, and then you’ll be contacted with your recipient's info sometime that weekend.

Here's to our favorite couple!

[acourtofthought]

First Kiss

This post will contain spoilers for the TOG series. The following are the words exchanged between various pairings prior to their first kiss in SJMs books.  Some are endgame while others did not last. Tamlin / Feyre - "Time goes faster when you're drunk on faerie wine" "I'm not drunk"  "They're starting again" "I want to show you something better" "Here" "What is it?" "What are they?" "Will-o'-the-wisps - spirits of are and light."  "Come to celebrate the solstice". "They're beautiful." "Dance with me, Feyre." "Really?" "Really." "Feyre."  "Feyre."   "It's almost dawn" "What?" "I'm thinking I might kiss you." Celaena / Dorian "And how's your present?" "Oh, she hid under my bed, then in the dining room, which is where I left her." "You locked the dog in your dining room?" "Should I have kept her in my bedroom, where she could ruin the carpets? Or in the gaming room, where she might eat the chess pieces and choke?" "Perhaps you should have sent her to the kennels, where dogs belong." "On Yulemas? I couldn't think of sending her back to that wretched place!" "Well?" "You left the ball without saying good-bye" "I'm impressed you got up here so quickly - and without a pack of court ladies hounding after you. Perhaps you should try your hand at being an assassin." "I'm not interested in court ladies." Yrene / Chaol "I knew another woman who lost as much as you.  And do you know what she did with it - that loss?  She hunted down the people responsible for it and obliterated them.  What the hell have you bothered to do all these years?" "I might not have battled kings and shattered castles but I am the heir apparent to the Healer on High.  Through my own work and suffering and sacrifice.  And you're standing right now because of that.  People are alive because of that.  So I may not be a warrior waving a sword about, may not be worthy of your glorious tales, but at least I save lives - not end them." "I know."  "Yrene, I know". "Please" "Don't go, I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "I meant none of it."  "I was spoiling for a fight and - I meant none of it, Yrene. None of it.  And I'm so sorry." "A kernel if it must have been in you, though." "I meant it about myself.  What you have done Yrene, what you are still willing to do...You did this - all of this not for glory or ambition, but because you believe it is the right thing to do.  Your bravery, your cleverness, your unfaltering will...I do not have words for it, Yrene." "Please, Yrene." "Perhaps it makes you feel better about yourself to associate with meek, pathetic, little people like me." "I do not....You know I didn't mean it." "Do I?" "You know it, damn you." (Reading the light in her eyes.  The tone.  The witch was tricking into walking.  Coaxing him to move.  To follow) Feyre / Rhys - "Did you think I would go with him?" "I heard every word between you.  I knew you could take care of yourself, and yet" "And yet I found myself deciding that if you took his hand, I would find a way to live with it.  It would be your choice" "And if he had grabbed me?" "Then I would have torn apart the world to get you back." "I would have fired at him if he had tried to hurt you" "I know" "One thought in exchange for another, not trained involved please." "I'm thinking, that I look at you and feel like I'm dying.  Like I can't breath.  I'm thinking I want you so badly I can't concentrate half the time I'm around you, and this room is too small for me to properly bed you.  Especially with the wings" "I'm thinking that I can't stop thinking about you.  And that it's been that way for a long while.  Even before I left the Spring Court.  And maybe that makes me a traitorous, lying piece of trash, but - " "It doesn't" "We should go to sleep" "You're shivering so hard the bed is shaking" "My hair is wet" "No expectations, just body heat" "Your finger...is very cold" "You cruel, wicked thing."  "Didn't anyone ever teach you manners?" "I never knew Illyrians were such sensitive babies" "Greedy - first you terrorize me with your cold hands, now you want...what is it you want, Feyre?" "What is it you want Feyre?" "I want a distraction" "I want - fun" "Then allow me the pleasure of distracting you" Nesta / Cassian "Who and what I prefer is none of your concern" "Nor is - " "You haven't answered my first question.  Or are all thsese other questions a diversion?" "What's it to you?" "More questions" "No, I haven't."  "Why should I have bothered?"  By the time I came of age, I was surrounded by low-born brutes and bastards.  I'd rather use my own hand than sully myself with theirs." "Who." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Did someone hurt you." "Would it change anything if someone had?  Would it make you see me differently, treat me differently?" "It'd make me hunt them down and shatter every bone in their body" "You don't know me."  "Why bother?" "I'd do it for anyone" Or possibly people are counting the following as their first kiss since the above only led to Cassian kissing her jaw: "Get up."  "Get up." "You're too heavy." "I can't - he's coming -". "Go" "Go!" "I can't, I can't". "I have no regrets in my life, but this."  "That we did not have time.  That I did not have time with you, Nesta." Aelin / Rowan "You said that things had changed - that we'd deal with it."  "I'm not going to ask you for anything you're not ready or willing to give." "Aelin, you deserve better than this - than me." "Don't tell me what I do and don't deserve.  Don't tell me about tomorrow, or the future, or any of it." "What do you want me to tell you, Fireheart?" "Tell me that we'll get through tomorrow.  Tell me that we'll survive the war.  Tell me - " "Tell me that even if I lead us all to ruin, we'll burn in hell together." "We're not going to hell, Aelin."  "But wherever we go, we'll go together." "Just once," she aid.  "I want to kiss you just once." "That sounds like you're expecting not to do it again." "I know the odds." "You and I have always relished damning the odds." "Even when we're apart tomorrow, I'll be with you every step of the way.  And every step Elain / Azriel "I..."  "I was coming to leave this on your pile of presents.  I forgot to give it to you earlier." "Here." "You put them in your ears, and they block any sound.  With Nesta and Cassian living there with you....." "No wonder you didn't want me to open it in front of everyone." "Nesta wouldn't appreciate the joke." "I wasn't sure if I should give you your present." "It's beautiful." "Put it on me?" "I should go". "Yes" "Yes" Does anyone see where I'm going with this?  The couples that became endgame shared in fairly deep conversations before their kiss.  Were they always being 100% honest with themselves?  Definitely not, especially when we know Feyre was still trying to deny what she felt for Rhys at that time.  But they still shared more than polite, surface level conversations.  They were somewhat raw and made themselves vulnerable to one another. Was the build up to Feyre and Tamlin's first kiss romantic?  Absolutely in a very Hallmark kind of way but SJM isn't that sort of author.  If two characters are not dealing with something that has emotional depth or if they're not fighting before their kiss than chances are not good that a couple will be endgame.  Her romances feel heavy and intense to me, not sugary and sweet.   She could take things in a completely different direction in the next book, rewrite the way Elain and Az are around one another or create sides of the characters personality that we've yet to see.  But I would bet that the way Elain and Az are currently written as individuals and together means they won't be happening.  

[throneofsapphics]

hi! i love old faces so much

any rowaelin actually

i was thinking a yulemas “episode” and exchanging gifts would be cute with them

thank you!! I love that idea so much. I'm writing it now & hoping to have it out by tomorrow!

[385bookreviews]

1.72.2 Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas

SPOILERS:

Pages: 404

Time Read: 7 hours and 9 minutes

Overall Rating: ★★★☆☆ Storyline: ★★★★☆ Dialogue: ★★★☆☆ Characters: ★★★☆☆

Genre: YA Fantasy

TWs for the book: Violence, murder, blood, death, slavery, injury, gore, death of a parent, torture, vomit, body horror, confinement, war, physical abuse, grief, genocide, misogyny/sexism, emotional abuse, su*c*dal thoughts/attempts, racism, discussion of animal death, cursing, drug abuse, kidnapping, abandonment, s*xual harassment, discussions of r*pe, drugging, hallucinations, discussions of infidelity

POV: Third person

Time Period/Location: In the country of Adarlan on the fictional continent of Erilea.

First Line: After a year of slavery in the salt mines of Endovier, Celaena Sardothien was accustomed to being escorted everywhere in shackles and at sword-point.

Celaena Sardothien, the most infamous assassin on the continent, is brought before the Crown Prince of Adarlan, Dorian Havilliard. At 17, she was sentenced to spend the rest of her days in Endovier, a mining death-camp meant for criminals and rebels. A year later, the prince is now asking her to compete in a contest to be held by the King of Adarlan. She would compete against 23 other mercenaries, assassin's, and murders, all sponsored by one of the nobility, to become the King's Champion. In exchange for four years of service, she would then gain her freedom. Celaena agrees, and they travel back to Rifthold, and into the giant glass castle of the king. Celaena disguises herself as the Lady Lillian Gordaina, a jewel thief from Fenharrow, so that she will not be targeted by the other competitors. Very quickly, Cain, Duke Perrington's champion, stands out as a threat, and he takes to taunting her quickly. She slowly gains the trust of Prince Dorian and the Captain of the Guard, Chaol Westfall. She also befriends Nehemia, princess of the conquered country of Eyllwe in the south. Not long after, the training for the contest begins, murders of the Champions begin to occur. The bodies are found with the organs and brain removed, the skin of the face peeled off, and the blood drawn into strange symbols called Wyrdmarks around the body. One night, Celaena discovers that there is a hidden door in her room that leads to tunnels under the castle. She discovers a secret hiding spot from which she can spy on the ball, and finds a tunnel leading out of the castle. She doesn't go down the third tunnel, however, she does in her dreams that night. She finds the tomb of the first Queen of Adarlan, half-fae Elena, and her husband Gavin. Elena then appears before her and tells her that she must find the great evil in the castle and win the contest to become champion. They hear a creature approaching, and Elena gives Celaena her amulet called the Eye of Elena and tells her to run. Celaena awakes back in her room, still clutching the necklace. She begins to study the Wyrdmarks, and then stumbles upon Nehemia reading a book in the common tongue when she supposedly cannot read in that language. Nehemia snaps at her and runs off with the book, and Celaena begins to suspect Nehemia might be behind the murders. She sneaks into the Yulemas ball, but she sees nothing suspicious from her, and ends up dancing with Dorian all night and kissing him afterwards.

She ends up discovering that the Wyrdmarks around the bodies are ones to summon demons called ridderaks. Once the ridderak eats the organs of the victim, the person who summoned it gains the strength of that person. Celaena ventures again into the tunnels, and finds Cain summoning the demon. He traps her alone in the room with it, but she escapes, and runs down to Elena and Gavin's tomb, and uses Gavin's sword Damaris to kill it. She is bitten, and by the time she makes it back to her room the poison in the bite slowly starts to kill her. She awakes having been healed by Nehemia. She reveals her true identity to her, and their trust in each other is restored. On the day of the final duel between the remaining four champions, Kaltain, a jealous courtier wanting Celaena out of the way so she can marry Dorian, poisons her wine with bloodbane given to her by Duke Perrington. When Celaena goes to fight Cain, she finds herself weak, confused, and nauseous. He begins to beat her brutally, and the drugs allow her to see the In-Between, the veil between worlds. She is surrounded by demons and the dead, and Cain himself appears to be a demon. Right as he is about to kill her, Elena comes through a portal and clears the poison from her system. She defeats Cain, and as she is comforted by Dorian, Cain attempts to stab her in the back. Chaol kills him, and Nehemia collapses. Duke Perrington frames Kaltain for the poisoning and has her thrown in prison, even though it was his poison and his idea. The next day, Nehemia comes to Celaena to explain that she is a spy for her people in Adarlan, and that her family has passed down the secrets of the Wyrdmarks for generations. Even though magic has completely disappeared in Adarlan, they work outside of that, and Nehemia used them to summon Elena and to heal Celaena of the ridderak's poison. She explains that she has been fighting Cain this entire time, and watching over Celaena. The king makes Celaena his champion, and she breaks off her relationship with Dorian, not wanting to try to force an impossible relationship to work. At the end, it is revealed that the King and Duke Perrington are using dark powers to mentally manipulate Kaltain, and were also the ones guiding Cain in his murders.

Celaena Sardothien (Queen of the Underworld/Lady Lillian Gordaina/Adarlan's Assassin/Elentiya): In ACOTAR, 19 year old Feyre is portrayed as very mature for her age. The same cannot be said for Celaena. Even though she is an accomplished and infamous assassin at 18, and is very intelligent, her childishness can shine through at times. Her thoughts and interactions with Dorian and Chaol can feel very silly at times, and she has trouble deducing some things that are a little obvious (e.g. the evil Elena wants her to defeat being the same thing doing the murders).

Dorian Havilliard (The Crown Prince of Adarlan): Dorian is also portrayed a bit childishly, however, we are seeing actual teenagers instead of the century old Fae we see in other books of SJM's. The chemistry between him and Celaena was definitely not there, so I'm very glad Celaena cut things off between them.

Chaol Westfall (The Captain of the Guard): You can definitely see the difference in how Chaol and Dorian both view Celaena. Even though Chaol has significantly warmed up to her by the end of the book, he still questions her motives and morals.

Storyline: You can definitely tell that this was Sarah J Maas' first book. Things were definitely more predictable in this book and she wasn't quite as adept as she is now in dropping subtle hints about things that have happened in the past. Going back and rereading Throne of Glass after having read the rest of the series, ACOTAR, and Crescent City, it is awesome to see how things have connected the whole time. The contest to become champion felt very stereotypically YA fantasy, and the love triangle a little bit forced, but overall it was still an entertaining read.

Representation: There is definitely not a lot of representation in this book (or in this whole series to be honest) and while I love SJM, this is one of my main complaints about this series overall. This book is the worst for it, as the only person of color is Nehemia Ytger, and she falls into the "Magical Negro" trope that is often used in books and movies, where the singular minority character with magical powers comes to the aid of the white protagonist but is not a protagonist themself. Also, all the slaves and rebels are discussed as being from Eyllwe, and we are left to assume that Eyllwe's population is mostly people of color. Since Elena explains that she wants Celaena to help the people affected by Adarlan's tyrannical rule, this effectively slots Celaena into the role of the "white savior".

Summary: SJM's distinct writing style hadn't clicked into place quite yet in this book, and there were a lot of unnecessary exclamation marks and childish dialogue. Upon reread this is definitely not one of my favorites, but I know that the rest of the series comes together really well, so some things can be forgiven (definitely not the lack of representation though).

Quotes: "I can survive well enough on my own- if given the proper reading material."-Celaena Sardothien (p. 146) "You could do anything... You could rattle the stars, if only you dared."-Elena Galathynius Havilliard (p. 399)

[julemmaes]

Hi hi! I'm your secret santa for the Rowaelin exchange! And I wanted to ask you some questions so I can make something you'll hopefully love!

Is there anything else you generally enjoy more? AU types, meet-cutes, established relationships, fluff, holiday themed, other themes, etc. Happy to know any details, likes, kinda-likes, and definitely please share dislikes, too. Excited to create a gift for you! 🙂

Hiii, sorry I'm just seeing this now I don't know when you sent this oop-

I am a s l u t for established relationships and domestic fluff after a tiring work day. Like them cooking together, showering with cute moments (possibly no smut, but I'm not opposed, I just don't want the fic to be one of those "no plot just porn" fics) (also, nothing against that, I love those, just not as a Yulemas gift), going on a date. I really really really love proposals and overly romantic shit

I'm also a self-proclaimed queen of kids fics, or pregnancy fics, so feel free to play with that as well. I love myself some Rowaelin kiddos

I also kinda-like hurt/comfort, but no heavy angsty stuff or anything like that I don't wanna cry at the airport (where I'll be on the 20th, so yeah)

OOH ALMOST FORGOT I FUCKING L O V E LOVE LOOVE RANDOM TOUCHES!!! Physical touch is what I'm starved for and aoisuydfvgbciudgfrb just, yk, random brushes of the arm, the neck, a hand on a tigh, on the jaw. Hugs from behind when the others is busy doing something and the other wants attention. That kind of things:DD

I can't really think of any dislikes right now cause I'm running on three hours of sleep and I'm currently in French class, so my brain is mush, but I'll reblog this post if I come up with anything

Hope I could help, have a nice dayyy<3<3

[not-a-rogue]

Here stands an incredibly happy halfling. Not only did she gain the most wonderful of gifts this evening -- The Halflingkin Keg Knife (Halfling sized dagger with an ornate handle that has been hollowed out to contain alcohol. The handle, if emptied, will magically refill at the beginning of each day with the finest of halfling wine) -- but she can once more lie and whisper.

The curse has been lifted.

Best. Yulemas. Ever.

[whimsicallyreading]

An angsty one-shot for your day. I stayed up way too late to write this.

CW- drinking

Aelin keeps the letters stacked neatly on her desk.

Each letter is stamped, addressed, and ready to mail. In tiny marks on the back, she writes the date every individual one was written. The envelopes are his favorite shade of green. A deep, pine color that she’d painstakingly scoured every stationary shop to find.

Delicately, Aelin seals the latest envelope and adds it to the growing pile.

My Love,

It’s almost winter here in Orynth. I know it’s your favorite season and you are probably sad to miss out, so I took a Polaroid of the clouds coming in over the staghorns for you.

Do you remember how we’d sit in front of Mistward every year and watch the first snow storm come in over the peeks? We would drink hot chocolate and talk for hours. About our families, our futures, anything and everything. It’s still one of my favorite traditions.

In fact, it’s where I am right now. Writing this letter to you. Just because you are overseas doesn’t mean you get to bail out. I bought two hot chocolates, but I suppose I’ll have to drink yours for you. What a shame.

Writing to Rowan was her weekly tradition since he got deployed. No matter how busy life got, every Friday she wrote him two full pages front to back. Whether she got to sit at her desk or had to scribble against the rusty bench at the bus stop, every inch was covered in her hand writing.

That was her personal rule. They had to be handwritten. Aelin felt it meant more that every piece of the letter was entirely from her. So she keeps a collection of colored pens handy for whenever the urge to speak to her husband grows to be too much.

At the bottom of the last page, next to her signature, Aelin always kisses the paper with red lipstick. Maybe it’s cheesy, but it’s the same shade she wore at their wedding.

You could see the ghosts of the color along his jawline in their favorite photos together. His beaming smile, the smudges of red on his face and the collar of his white dress shirt. A remnant from the happiest day of her life she thought would bring him comfort.

My love,

Winter is here! It’s so cold outside. You would say it’s this frigid every year, but it just feels different this time. Maybe it’s because you aren’t hear to snuggle up with and your side of the bed is empty? You were always so warm.

I keep your slippers by the couch. They are ridiculously huge on my feet, but I swear they still feel like you just walked in them. Your warmth is still there.

You would laugh if you saw me hobbling around the apartment in them. My toes slide all over the place. Truthfully, your feet are atrociously large, dear- Still they remind me of you, so I love them.

Aelin gets home late from work that night.

Humiliated tears sting her cheeks, even as she rubs them away. The feeling of that creep, Cairn’s, hands lingering on her ass.

She was used to fending off handsy patrons. What bothered Aelin is that when she complained to her boss, Erawan, he publicly berated her for instigating the customers.

None of the other waitresses would meet her eye when she looked for back up. Grave, the bartender, sniggered through the entire dressing down. Aelin could still feel their eyes on her skin as Erawan accused her of being provocative.

Rowan would have demanded she quit the job. He would have marched down to the bar and broken Cairn’s face. Possibly even held him back so Aelin could do it herself.

Aelin needs the money, though. Rowan’s accounts were frozen due to some stupid technicality at the bank. Without her paycheck, she would lose the apartment.

Sniffling, Aelin slides her feet into Rowan’s slippers and plops at her desk. It isn’t Friday yet, but she’s desperate to speak to him.

As her hand flows across the paper, Aelin knows she won’t describe the days events to him. He’s under enough stress without her work drama adding to his worries.

My love,

Yulemas is next week. Aedion is in Caraverre with Lysandra and our new nephew. Lorcan and Elide are going up from Perranth to stay with them, but the roads are so frozen in Orynth I may just stay here this year.

Besides, work is busy right now. They need someone to man the place for the people with nowhere to go for the holidays.

Maybe I’ll host a little celebration at the bar. Like we did that one year when we got stuck in the Hostel in Rifthold. We made the best of a bad situation, and it was the first time you told me you loved me. I think I’d like to relive a little of that this year.

I miss you. Please come home.

Aelin lays in her bed the night before Yulemas and sobs.

Ugly, guttural noises spill from her chest and she soaks their pillows with tears. The newest envelope is clutched against her chest, and the building stacks mock her from their spot across the room.

Her heart is so raw. Aelin knew it was a bad idea to count the letters, but there was so many. Curiosity got the better of her, and now she was bleeding for her mistake.

Fifty-six.

A full year of letters she hadn’t been able to send.

Rowan had only ever written her twenty before he was declared missing in action.

A year ago, she’d been hanging bobbles and decorating a tree knowing her husband only had a few weeks left of his tour.

Aelin had painted a welcome home banner, and her whole family made plans to come and spend the holiday with the soon-to-be-reunited couple.

She had his slippers waiting by the door. Rowan’s favorite blanket was laundered and folded on his side of the bed in case he wanted to lay down. Aelin had it on good authority that the bed would be one of the first places they visited when he arrived. Emerys had even given her a mixture of their favorite hot chocolate to make.

Everything was perfectly in place for his return.

That’s what when the soldiers arrived at her door and her world fell apart.

Lorcan came home a week later. He hugged Elide and she cried into his shoulder. Happy tears. So unlike the ones Aelin had been shedding. Her friend beamed ear-to-ear, as the love of her life gathered her into his arms and squeezed.

It was a touching sight, but Aelin could feel the hot knife being twisted in her chest. Elide’s happiness caused her physical pain, and it made her feel so selfish. She didn’t begrudge Lorcan his life, or Elide her joy- Aelin just missed her own husband.

Elide and Lorcan spent Yulemas together. Kissing and holding hands. Lysandra finally announced her pregnancy. Aedion’s expression when he opened the box with the baby onesie inside was priceless. Her cousin whooped and hollered, almost dancing with the prospect of becoming a father.

Aelin smiled. She gave her congratulations and celebrated with her family. They hugged, and laughed. Aedion took care to include her in everything, and she played her part even as she tried to ignore the concerned looks her family exchanged behind her back.

Aelin made it to lunch before she couldn’t take it anymore.

Fenrys was the one to find her having a panic attack on the bathroom floor. She hadn’t even known it was a panic attack. Aelin just assumed the pain of losing her soulmate was finally killing her. The tightening of her chest and the body aches felt enough like a heart attack to be convincing.

He gathered Aelin in his arms and counted breaths with her. His twin brother Connal was lost in the same fight where Rowan had gone down. Fen had seen the whole thing from the cockpit of his plain, and nothing he did could’ve saved them.

He shared his pain, and for the first time Aelin felt like someone understood her.

Fenrys let her lean on him as they excused themselves from the celebrations. They drove to some bar in Caraverre and spent the rest of the day wallowing over whiskey.

Aedion came to collect their drunken asses later that evening. Worry etched into every line of his kind face. It only made her feel ashamed that she’d rained all over their happy day.

He was going to be a father, and she’d forced him to spend his time fretting over her instead of reveling in that news.

Now here she was a year later. Aelin wasn’t going to subject herself to that again. Couldn’t. She wouldn’t force her grief upon anyone else this year, either. Just because she was hurting didn’t mean that everyone else had to suffer with her.

So, as Yulemas Eve came, and before she could finally distract herself with work, Aelin pulled Rowan’s blanket over herself. She’d spritzed it with his cologne, donned his shirt, and pulled his socks over her feet. Aelin did everything she could to feel surrounded by him.

Then, alone in their bed, she watched as the clock ticked down to midnight.

Rowan,

Wherever you are, I hope my words reach you and that you know you aren’t alone. I wish with every ounce of my being that I could trade places with you- would give anything, just to know where you are.

It breaks my heart, to be without you. Every breath seems pointless. I lied in my last letter. The roads aren’t frozen. I’m not needed at work. No one really needs me to be around them. I just couldn’t spend another holiday surrounded by happy people when the other half of my heart is gone from me.

When you come home, I will feel like celebrating again. I’ll wrap my arms around you, and we can make up for lost time. Just please, don’t make me wait too much longer.

Merry Yulemas, my love. We will be together again one day.

Until then, I’ll keep on writing, only so long as you don’t yield.

Sincerely, your loving wife

Aelin

[live-the-fangirl-life]

@thegreyj

Happy holidays!!! 🎄🕎☃️✨🎁 I’m your Yulemas exchange secret Santa! I wish I could say this is finished but life kinda caught up with me and suddenly December is almost over lol, that’s to say - please please enjoy this snippet of your soon-to-be holiday fic ❤️

Do Not Go Quoting Elf to Me (title up for debate) snippet

***

Rowan stopped walking in the middle of the sidewalk and turned to face her with an arched brow. “Did you just call me cute?”

Aelin blinked as she realized what she’d just said. She saw the shock on Rowan’s face dissolve into light amusement and a small smirk play at his lips the longer she sputtered for a response. It was the damned smirk that snapped her back to life, scoffing, and hoping her face didn’t look as hot as it felt.

“I think I complained about your unfortunate singing.” She put as much bravado behind the remark as she could and made to walk around him.

Despite their often-heated bickering and petty rivalries that her other coworkers always seemed to have some sort of ‘agonizing sexual tension’ or ‘just kiss already’ comment about, neither she nor Rowan had crossed that line. The one that let them simmer in held gazes and lingering touches without worrying anything about the whys. They had an unspoken understanding that she’d just broken with one tiny, stupid, accurate word.

Rowan put a hand on her shoulder, stopping her from walking away. She lifted her chin and caught his eye, daring him to make some smart comment. She readied herself for it as the smirk on his face grew, even as she was both thrilled and annoyed at herself for being thrilled that he wasn’t going to let her brush it off.

“I heard that part,” he huffed, and a white cloud of breath floated between them. “Before that – what did you say?”

Their group had nearly rounded the corner of the block but neither paid the carolers any attention.

“I think your hearing is as bad as your singing.” Aelin tried to argue as she glanced away from him. But Rowan pulled her attention back by tugging on one of the strings hanging from the side of her hat. “I didn’t say you’re cute,” she huffed at his raised brow, “I said — I said…oh shoot!”

@acourtofsnakes @a-frog-with-a-laptop @astra-ad-mare @autumnbabylon @backtobl4ck @bankerfrog @becarefuloflove @camerooonchiu @captain-swan-is-endgame @charlizeed @cookiemonsterwholovesbooks @doubt-less @earthtolinds @elentiyawhitethorn @feyretales @goddess-aelin @highqueenofelfhame @jorjy-jo @julemmaes @leiawritesstories @lemonade-coolattas @llyncooljones @mariamuses @moodymelanist @morganofthewildfire @nerdperson524 @rhysiedarling @rowaelinismyotp @rowaelinrambling @rowanaelinn @shyvioletcat @stardelia @superspiritfestival @sv0430 @swankii-art-teacher @thegreyj @the-lonelybarricade @the-regal-warrior @tomtenadia @westofmoon @whimsicallyreading @rowaelinyulemasswap

[thegreyj]

Hello! 👋 it’s your Yulemas Exchange Secret Santa here!

I read your comments on the likes and dislikes post, but I wanted to ask you a few more questions.

What holiday/s do you normally celebrate (Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Solstice, etc.)? If you don’t mind me asking

Do you normally have a White Christmas? Do you like White Christmases?

How do you feel about Workplace Rivals to Lovers? The romantic and sexual tension hiding behind snark and banter? I love it, do you?

Do you prefer Established Relationship or Pre/New Relationship?

What is something specials about the Holidays that is meaningful to you?

I may have more questions but that’s it for now 😊 have a wonderful day

Ooh hello!! 👋 this is very exciting 😁

I celebrate Christmas (and no I don't mind asking!) But I do love reading about them all 😊

Yes we generally have a very winter wonderland kind of White Christmas - tons of snow, frozen lakes etc. Also only a couple hours of daylight, but then again northern lights are fairly common.

OH I LOVE THAT workplace rivals (yes please) to lovers (double yes please!) - the tension so thick you could practically cut it, snarky comments.... I absolutely adore it!!!!!😍

I don't really have a preference on whether an established relationship or a new one, so both are very much fine! (But I do love the chase so maybe I lean a little more on the new relationship?)

Christmas time / the holidays for me means being with family, relaxing by the fireplace and so much good food! I do have some traditions I tend to follow on Christmas too, like decorating the tree on the morning of Christmas Eve and the Christmas sauna is a very important thing too!

For me Christmas begins on Christmas Eve, and that's when we actually celebrate - Christmas Day is for eating leftovers, lazing around in pajamas and fluffy socks and watching sappy Christmas movies 😄

I hope this helps or gives you insight and/or inspiration too! And I wish you an incredibly wonderful day as well 🥰

[shyvioletcat]

ooh holiday rowaelin prompt where they accidentally mix the name labels up at a gift exchange so a scandalous gift is opened by an unintended recipient

Firefighter Friday is back! And it’s holiday themed! Enjoy. And big thanks to Em for helping me on this one.

Striking Matches Masterlist

~~~~~

Aelin locked her door before heading up the hallway to her boyfriend’s apartment. Tonight the Moonbeam twins were holding a little Yulemas party for the team at their apartment and they had very graciously invited Aelin along. It wasn’t anything fancy so she had dressed in a sweater dress and black leggings so she could be comfortable while lounging around.

She didn’t bother knocking before walking into the apartment and caught Rowan just as he was coming out of his bedroom, looking casual but very handsome. Throwing her jacket on his table she waited for her boyfriend of 3 months to greet her.

“Hello you,” he said, walking right up to Aelin, hands going to her hips before kissing her.

Aelin couldn’t help but hum in happiness against his lips. “Hi.”

“You look nice,” Rowan murmured, not breaking the kiss. “I like this colour on you.”

“I thought you would,” Aelin said as she pushed him away. “You ready?”

“Yeah, I just have to get my phone.” Rowan let her go to head back to his room. “Can you grab Lorcan’s present from the table?”

“Sure,” Aelin said unenthusiastically.

Lorcan had ended up being the one who Rowan had to get a gift for in the Secret Santa. In Aelin’s opinion he didn’t deserve a thing, the sullen prick. They were yet to make any sort of connection or progress when it comes to being friends. They were both content about their mutual loathing anyway. Aelin picked up her coat finding two wrapped presents underneath. One was hers she knew, Rowan’s extent of Yulemas decorating was the tiniest of trees on his small table and that was where he put his presents, but she was under strict instructions not to snoop. Putting the jacket on top had disrupted the tags, the two pretty much lying on top of the one present, checking them Aelin found the one for Lorcan on the bottom and moved the other back onto her present before slipping the small box into her bag.

By then Rowan had come back, smiling at her. “Ready?”

Aelin nodded. “Ready.”

~~~~~

Rowan tried, but he couldn’t really help it. Maybe it had been a mistake to ask if he could bring Aelin along, because it turned out he couldn’t pull his attention away from her. He hadn’t been lying when he said she looked good in what she was wearing. If anything, it had been an understatement. The dress she wore was basically a long knitted shirt, hugging her curves softly and in his favourite shade of emerald green. The low V of the neck was modest enough, but just a glimpse of collarbone and neck and he was already gone. Then Aelin went and made it all the worse when she had bent over to put the present under the tree, making sure to catch his eye first. The shirt gaped a little revealing a glimpse of bright red lace. Rowan had swallowed before his eyes darted back up to hers, and she gave him a wink. Gods, this woman would be the death of him.

When Rowan had asked if he could bring Aelin along almost everyone had been on board. The twins had agreed straight away, Vaughan hadn’t cared either way, Gavriel hadn’t minded at all even though their relationship was still a bit odd over him being the estranged father of her cousin. Lorcan had been the one to oppose it. He and Aelin didn’t get along and he reminded everyone that it was a celebration for the team. Fenrys had called him a miserable bastard and told him it was his home and he could invite who he wanted. But Rowan had to admit that Lorcan at least had a bit of a point, Rowan wasn’t paying attention to any of them but her.

Right now she was perched in his lap, Connall gathering the presents together and reading out Lorcan’s name before passing him the present. Rowan was twirling a strand of golden hair around a finger while Aelin chatted to Vaughan, knowing he should watch for Lorcan’s reaction. But as he brushed her hair away from her neck, running his finger along her collarbone, Aelin’s body shivered. He was contemplating if he could get away with kissing her neck when he heard Lorcan say, “This isn’t for me.”

Rowan’s head snapped up, confused at Lorcan’s words. Then he saw what exactly sat in Lorcan’s lap.

“What do you mean it’s not for you?” Fenrys scoffed. “It was addressed to you from Rowan.”

Lorcan only said again, “It’s not for me.”

Rowan felt sick, trying to figure out how this had happened. The presents had been on the table, both wrapped in the same brown paper but clearly labelled, one for his girlfriend and one for Lorcan. Aelin had picked it up… and somehow she must have mixed the cards and now Lorcan had Aelin’s present, looking as if it had burned him. Confused by it all Gavriel peeked over and Rowan just wanted to die right then and there.

“I’m getting another drink,” was Gavriel’s only explanation as he got up and headed to the kitchen, obviously having no desire at all to see how this panned out.

Rowan looked at Lorcan, silently begging him not to make this worse. Lorcan was looking at him like he was just simply asking why, why him?

Aelin’s interest had been piqued. “It’s not very nice to refuse a gift, Lorcan.”

Lorcan just said drily, “I don’t think it’s my size.”

Aelin turned to Rowan, her expression confused. Then she took in Rowan’s panic stricken face and put all the pieces together. “Oh.”

He had been hinting at getting her something particularly risqué for Yulemas, he just never in his wildest imagining thought it would end up in the lap of his boss. “Full stop, I would walk into a burning building right now and not come out,” Rowan admitted.

Then Aelin started grinning, and Rowan knew it was moments before she lost it completely and started laughing. Already her shoulders were starting to shake.

The curiosity was too much for Fenrys and he snatched the box from Lorcan’s lap before Rowan could stop him. He opened the box, his eyes going wide. “Well, this is unexpected.”

Rowan couldn’t stand it anymore, he shifted Aelin off his lap onto the arm of the chair and reached over to grab the gift from Fenrys, but all he succeeded in doing was knocking it out of his hands. Scraps of gold lace landed on the floor. It was Vaughan who poked at it, lifting it with the end of a discarded spoon, just demonstrating how little fabric that was actually there.

Aelin broke, cackling so hard she had to sit on the floor before she fell off her precarious perch. Fenrys joined in, as did the others, all except Lorcan who just looked thoroughly disgusted.

“I don’t need to know what she wears under her clothes,” Lorcan said.

That only succeeded in setting Aelin and Fenrys off again. Both of them lying on the floor, Fenrys holding his stomach as Aelin wiped away tears. Rowan couldn’t handle it anymore, and face burning he picked up the items and put them back in the box then stood awkwardly not knowing what to do with them now. He stepped over a laughing Fenrys as he finally tried to get his breath back, and went to the dining table and stuffed it in Aelin’s bag. Returning to the living room wasn’t an option now, especially when a new raucous round of laughter started. Instead he went to the kitchen where Gavriel had a drink waiting for him.

That was where Aelin eventually found him, sitting on a stool nursing a drink. She pulled the other stool right up next to his so she could lean her chin on his shoulder when she sat down. Rowan took a sip before looking at her, those turquoise eyes still dancing with mischief. He just groaned and looked away.

“Rowan,” Aelin said and kissed his jaw. “Come on, it’s very funny.”

Rowan made a noncommittal sound that made Aelin giggle.

“You’ve still got your present to open, and Vaughan double checked it. It’s definitely not lingerie,” Aelin said, very desperately trying to keep a straight face. It didn’t work, within seconds she was beaming at him, then tucking her bottom lip under her teeth. Rowan turned away again but Aelin stood, making him spin around to face her. She stepped between his legs, arms loping around his neck. “Come on. After presents we can go home and I can put on whatever you stuffed in my handbag and you can unwrap me.”

“That does sound nice,” Rowan admitted, kissing her once.

“It does, doesn’t it,” Aelin agreed.

“Are you upset about having your Yulemas present spoiled?” Rowan asked as he stood.

Aelin shook her head. “Not at all. It just means now you have to buy me something else.”

Aelin grinned at him, and Rowan grinned right back. He already had a few ideas, things he would make sure they opened alone, the tag with Aelin’s name on it stuck down with as much sticky tape it could handle.

~~~~~

This probably could have used one last edit but I just don’t have time right now.

Tags: @tangledraysofsunshine // @nalgenewhore // @highqueenofelfhame // @galyxsy // @fucking-winchester-trash // @literary-licorice // @http-itsrebecca // @highladysith // @aelinfire-bringer // @soup-that-is-too-hawt // @sleep-and-books // @3am-reading // @but-she-was-aelin-galathynius // @rowaelinforeverworld // @alifletcher2012 // @westofmoon // @tswaney17 // @mydarlingfireheart // @rowansfirebringer // @chocolate-eating-bitch-queen // @vanilla2806 // @fireheart-of-your-dreams // @enquires-state-building // @im-not-rare-im-rarr // @your-high-lady // @mariamuses // @ttakeitbacknoww // @vi0let-femmes // @kindofawalkingpoem // @sleeping-and-books // @armixers-unite // @velarian-trash // @queenofxhearts // @princess-galathynius // @heroesofterrasen // @highladyofstoriesandmusic // @unassumingsodalovesherbooks // @empire-of-wildfire // @brittneym15 //   @camerooonchiu // @worldoffae // @mybbyfeyre // @crackedship // @lowhangingtreebranches // @over300books // @yourwhisperingshadows //   @thesirenwashere // @pilesofriles // @chemicha // @keshavomit // @sarahbringsoutmygay13 // @wifeofchrishemsworth // @impossiblescissorspeachpaper // @cat5313 // @judelovescardan // @illyrian-velaris // @flowerspringsea // @whitethorn15 // @whiskeybusiness1776 // @notaddictedtoanything // @thereaderandfangirl // @mynewdreamwasyou // @tintinnabulary //  @the-regal-warrior // @searchingforbellarke // @queen-of-wings-and-fire // @court-of-fuck-me-daddy // @officialasianbitch // @burningbookz // @viajandosinalas // @chaoticskyy // @fanfictrash3000 // @blueeyes425 // @starseternalnighttriumphant // @bamchickawowow //  @thehuntressofmoon // @giorgia-the-trashpanda // @flora-and-fae // @thereaderandfangirl // @illyrian-bookworm // @meltalgel-ig // @gay-book-nerd // @that-odd-puzzle-piece // @i-love-all-books // @in-love-with-caramel-macchiato // @girl-who-reads-the-books // @hizqueen4life // @the-third-me // @queen-of-glass // @belamoonbeam // @bestmelle // @cursebreaker29 // @b00kworm // @superspiritfestival // @aesthetics-11 // @maastrash // @the-last-apprentice // @charincharge // @aelin-queen-of-terrasen // @scarznstars // @absolute-dissapointment // @thesurielships // @df3ndyr // @trinitybailey2003 // @littleboxofthunder // @ladywitchling // @booknerdproblems // @rowaelin-cressworth // @sevenfreckles-for-sevenloves // @rolltide7 // @scandinavianromantic // @tillyrubes10 // @starwarsslytherin // @minaidss // @paytin77 // @jesstargaryenqueen // @anntheintrovert // @starborn-faerie-queen // @loudphantomdragon // @alyx801 // @amandaswallowtail // @louiseleblancdiggory // @abookishfreak // @woollycat22 // @claralady // @perseusannabeth // @fangirlprincess09 // @maddymelv // @sierrareads // @empress-ofbloodshed // @acciowests // @booksbqueen // @rowanwhitethornisbae // @more-espresso-less-depresso-xx /

[beyondtheciouds]

The manuscript burned in the grate; the last, Lucie thought as she lit the cigarette and watched her life's love turn to ash. The room was chilled; bones settling in the earth. Her hands were pale and shaking; sweaty thighs pressed together beneath the stripped, cotton dress hiding her girth.

A parched ironed collar choked her although it was firmly pressed down. Still, she felt like she was gasping for air; longing to make sound.

The gold locket still dangled in the hollow of her neck; cold and calming. A comfort in her hours of distress.

The snowflakes fell like a million tiny leaves outside; the windows frosted deer. Yulemas was tomorrow; another holiday spent lost in a mess. She wished James had offered her at least a beer.

Three years she had been working on that story. The one where she and Jesse had a happy ending; giving them both glory. She had poured every inch of herself into writing after Jesse had died. Telling his tale. Believing it was hers to tell; refusing to bottle up inside.

And now? Now she was burning her blood, sweat and tears as if her emotional connection to the characters were nothing but words on paper. Her life -- his life, nothing more than a parody written by the daughter of a shape-shifter.

Her mousey brown hair was streaked with grays she had refused to color over, even as Tessa fussed. "Lucie, please. Look your best. I don't want you to mess this up."

Blue eyes; sharp and wise surveyed the room beneath the makeup society deemed necessary for a woman her age. Rouge for her cheeks and lips red as apple; beauty destined to fade.

Lucie laughed her nerves frayed like live wires. When did she get so cynical? She breathed hard, inhaling the cloves laced with little tobacco urchins.

Rejection had never been an issue in her writing career before, but somehow, this felt different. She exhaled and flicked the ash on the carpet, praying it would ignite the curtains.

Personal. This, after all was her brother's publishing company upfront. In the end, he had the last say. He was King Arthur at his round table; writers surround him without him giving the time of day.

She inhaled again, her fingers stained fable blue; parched yellowed nicotine. The gold ring still gleamed on her finger despite the grit and grime she'd gone through; her own personal guilitteen. She couldn't think about that now. Exhale, Lucie. Think straight.

The agent would sort all of this out in the morning in exchange for the old farmers plow or a reasonably sized cow. But if James had his way, he'd settle for the unthinkable; a boatload of illegal freight.

One way or another Jesse's story would be told to a public who needed to hear the truth.

She coughed, blood oozing out the side from the roof of her mouth. The truth. Ha. The truth was a grain of salt in a glass shaker. A tooth; a bond breaker. She dabbed the corner of her lip with an embroidered handkerchief Cordelia had made when she went down South. A gift from a wife to her spouse.

The doctor had told Lucie to take it easy, as if she could under her brother's shade. In his house nothing was easy.

The Institute as she knew it had become a giant, breezeless cage.

As soon as James told her the news she'd thrown the book in the hearth and cried hysterically; perturbed.

Cordelia was sympathetic, almost apologetic until Owen had come home like a blast of wind; his children and wife waiting in their new automobile, parked at the curb. The three of them had come along for the ride; a surprise meant to be seen.

Lucie wondered if she was living a nightmare instead of a dream.

Owen; slight and awkward. The man-child was unmoved and apologized to her profusely for interrupting but what news he had cost more than a dime.

Much lighter than what was going on now in this turbulent triangle sea of lime anyone would have to agree.

James was indifferent as he excused himself. He moved to the door to speak to his son privately with Cordelia in tow. Her skirts swished and she spoke to Lucie, so low.

James had made it known he preferred Lucie focus her last years on teaching the illiterate of the Institute rather than settling for the path of a damaged and sickly writer. Don't argue, Cordelia said. It's not good for your health.

Lucie did not agree; she realized she was no fighter. She knew she would soon be dead.

Giving up was easy; she could be free.

So she sat on the couch, watching the mouse as it slipped through the wealth. She took another sip of the lead liquid in Matthew's old, tin flask instead of the cup of sugarless tea.

[imaginedhaven]

In the Bleak Midwinter

a Rowaelin holiday oneshot

Summary:

Aelin Galathynius returns to Orynth for the first time in years after a rough breakup, having promised her cousin that they could spend Yulemas together. She couldn’t have known how much everything in Orynth had changed... or perhaps it was she who had done the changing.

As she runs into old faces and meets a new face as well, she comes to realize that perhaps her life isn’t done changing after all.

Word Count: approx. 15,000

Rating: M

Warnings/Contents: Modern AU, Kidfic, Non-Graphic Sexual Content, Flashbacks

~*~*~

Snow crunched under Aelin’s boot as she stepped onto the corner of a street she’d thought she’d never see again.

It had been five long years since she’d set foot in Orynth at all, much less on this street in particular. She had left the small town behind as soon as she’d graduated from high school, and had never intended to look back. She still wouldn’t have, were it not for an invitation from her cousin at exactly the right time.

A wind blew down the street, picking up snow that lingered in the branches of dormant trees. A child’s laugh rang clear as a bell down the street, and a lower echo came from behind her. “Aelin, you didn’t mention that you used to live in a literal winter wonderland.”

She turned to see her former college roommate and current best friend trying to catch one of the stray flakes on her tongue, more clinging to her chestnut curls, and couldn’t stop herself from smiling despite the hollow feeling in her chest. “Lysandra, I’m sure I complained to you literally every winter break about having to go back home to six feet of snow. There’s a reason I didn’t ask Aedion to pick us up at the train station.”

It was true; though it was no longer actively snowing, there was no way her cousin would’ve made it to the station to greet them. The snow must have only just ended recently, within the past half hour if she had to hazard a guess. No, even with each of them carrying a bag with them it had been safer to walk the short distance between the station and the house on the end of this lane.

The house had once been her uncle’s, and she had lived in that little house for more of her life than she hadn’t. She had moved in when she was only eight, after her parents had died, and she remembered standing on its porch for the first time as a terrified little girl.

Go on, Uncle Gavriel had said then, knowing it had been what she’d needed to hear at the time. It echoed in her mind as clearly as though he were standing behind her now, sensing her hesitation as an adult as readily as he had sensed her childish fear then.

Aelin shook her head, trying to clear the sound from her mind; he was gone now as well, just as her parents were. Aedion had called and written to her two years ago to confirm it, but she had only just started a new job at the time and had chosen to stay in Rifthold pursuing a career she had thought would mean everything. It had turned out that that job meant nothing in the end, but she couldn’t have known that at the time no matter how many times she laid awake at night wondering what had become of all of her dreams.

There was a lot she couldn’t have known then, she supposed.

Something cold and wet hit the back of her head and she gasped, whirling around to see Lysandra scooping more snow from the ground, mischief sparkling bright in her friend’s green eyes. “You’re thinking too hard!” she called, hands cupped together around a small mound of snow to compact it.

“Lysandra,” she tried, “that’s really not—”

The next ball of snow sprayed across her chest, flakes dusting her chin and cheeks as it exploded on impact. Lysandra doubled over, bracing her hands on her knees as she laughed. “Gods, but you should see your face!” she gasped between bouts of mirth.

Oh, it was on. Aelin carefully set her bag down beside her, slowly gathering her own mound of snow. “You have one chance to surrender,” she called back to her friend.

“Why would I do that? We came here to give you a break, Aelin, and I intend to deliver!”

Rather than throw the perfectly-shaped orb she now held in her hands, she set it beside her bag and began to form a second. “You would do that because you know how much I hate to lose,” she pointed out, “and you should know exactly what that’s going to mean for you. Last chance. Surrender.”

“Never!” her friend cried, and then it was on.

Within just a few short minutes both of their wool coats were completely soaked through, though they were still occasionally tossing snow at each other between fits of laughter and bouts of shivering. “Give up, and we can go get warm!” Aelin shouted.

“N-no!” Lysandra gasped. Time to play dirty, then.

Scooping a mound of snow in her left hand where her friend couldn’t see it, Aelin walked up to her…

And dumped the entire handful of snow down the back of her neck.

Lysandra shrieked, fingers clawing at the snow as it melted down her back. “You—”

“I win,” she interjected. “Say what you want, but we both know it.”

Without waiting for Lysandra to respond, she turned and lifted her bag again. This time, she didn’t hesitate as she walked down the lane to the house that stood at the end.

It hadn’t changed one bit from what she remembered, the tree where she’d first learned to climb still standing tall and proud in the center of a snowy yard. A sad-looking wreath was affixed to the door, and Aelin couldn’t help but smile at her cousin’s sorry effort at holiday cheer. If she had to guess, that was definitely a last-minute addition when she’d finally called him back and said she would come after all. She would have to find something lying around to fix it; she wasn’t sure how much of her old crafting supplies he’d kept, but she’d find something. She’d make do if she had to.

She was perhaps three doors away from the house that was her destination when her foot slipped on a patch of particularly slick snow—or perhaps it was already ice, it was hard to tell. With a gasp, she fell forward, and the air left her lungs as she fell on top of her bag. Well, maybe she’d looked like she’d been bracing herself on it for balance. With all the confidence she could muster, she picked herself up and took a single step forward into a firm obstacle that hadn’t been there earlier. Frowning, she glanced up, only to freeze when a pair of green eyes she’d long thought forgotten transported her back in time.

~*~*~

Aelin had just turned fourteen about a month before a new boy moved into the neighborhood, and the commotion was enough that she missed the baseball Aedion had just tossed her way. “Hey, do you have any idea who that is?” she asked him. “He looks like he’s maybe your age, you seen him around before?”

Aedion frowned thoughtfully. “No. He’s going into Maeve’s house. Didn’t think she had any relatives.”

“Oh. Well, maybe we’ll see him around at school? You probably more than me.” Not just because he was a boy, either; at sixteen, Aedion appeared to be closer in age to this newcomer than she was herself, unless she’d guessed terribly wrong. It was hard to guess, though, with his messy hair so light it almost looked silver in the morning sun.

“Maybe. Now are you going to throw that or what?”

Aelin laughed at the impatience of her cousin and obediently tossed the baseball in his direction for him to catch. “What do you think the story is?” she asked. “That’s way too much stuff for just a short visit. Do you think he’s…”

“Do I think he’s what?”

“Like me,” she said quietly. Alone, though she knew she couldn’t say as much to Aedion. She bit back a sigh. Really, she loved Aedion and Uncle Gavriel, and it had been so kind of them to take her in after her parents died, but sometimes…

She was better off not thinking about that right now. Maybe later, when she was alone with her journal and her playlists and her thoughts.

“Maybe,” Aedion replied. He tossed the ball back in her direction, and she caught it and threw it back. It went high, higher than her cousin could catch, and he swore and chased after it. While he was distracted, she took a moment to study the new boy. He was tall, probably even taller than Aedion, and that silvery hair that had caught her eye when she’d first noticed him was offset by lightly tanned skin that suggested he was coming from somewhere where the sun shone brighter and hotter.

He turned, then, and she was immediately drawn in by pine-green eyes before Aedion shoved her shoulder and broke their eye contact. “Hey, leave him be,” he was saying. “I know damn well you know it’s rude to stare.”

“Yeah,” Aelin muttered as he led her back toward the front door. When she turned her head to glance in the strange new boy’s direction again, he was gone.

~*~*~

“R-Rowan?” she stammered. “I thought you’d moved back to Doranelle years ago.” Not terribly long before she’d moved to Rifthold, in fact.

“I did,” he replied in that smooth rolling accent that had so captivated her from the moment they’d first spoken. “And then I moved back here, three years ago.”

“Oh. I see.” Gods, what was there to say after all these years? They’d barely spoken since high school, and had stopped exchanging even the most perfunctory of messages not long after. “How’s, um. Are you still with…?”

“Lyria? No,” he replied. “She… she’s gone. Passed not long before I left Doranelle.”

Oh. Well, shit. As much as she’d unreasonably disliked his girlfriend—his wife? She couldn’t remember now if they’d actually gotten married or not—she hadn’t intended to tread on what was obviously still a bad memory. “I’m sorry,” she managed.

He only shrugged, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. “Aedion mentioned you stayed in Rifthold, after college. Haven’t come back since you graduated, right? Just like you said you would do.”

She shook her head, still stunned. “I haven’t. But Aedion convinced me to come back for Yulemas, so… here I am, I guess.”

“Here you are, indeed.” Though he still didn’t smile, there was the faintest glimmer of amusement in his eyes. “I suppose it’ll get a little crowded around Aedion’s table for Yulemas dinner, then.”

Aelin blinked. “You celebrate with him?”

“Most years, yes. It keeps him from being alone, especially now that he and that guy of his have broken it off, and it keeps me… well, at least somewhat sane.”

She supposed that made some amount of sense, given his situation. If she’d expected to not have to spend the holidays alone ever again, and then was suddenly alone once more… well, that’s exactly why she was here now. What a mess.

A throat cleared behind her. “Aelin, you know this guy? Is everyone you know from here this hot?”

Aelin choked, and Rowan finally laughed. She couldn’t even be mad that it was absolutely at her expense, not when it had been so long since she’d heard the sound. “I’ve already answered that,” she replied. “Sorry. Rowan, this is Lysandra. We went to college together. Lysandra, um, this is Rowan. We—” Gods, what could she even say about him?

Thankfully, he stepped forward to fill her sudden silence—a far cry from the awkward teenager she’d once known. “I moved here in high school. We met then.”

“Well, I’m glad I got to meet you before we both awkwardly showed up to her cousin’s Yulemas dinner,” Lysandra smiled, and Aelin breathed a sigh of relief at her friend’s easygoing charm. Lysandra made friends so easily wherever she went; she swore it was her skills at reading a room rather than any innate warmth, but Aelin knew better.

Rowan laughed, the sound awkward and stilted, and glanced over his shoulder. “Yeah.”

High School Aelin would’ve immediately asked him what was wrong. She would’ve pressed and pressed and not taken no for an answer until this man that had once been her friend had given in and told her everything on his mind. High School Aelin had been so much more confident, though. She hadn’t let what happened to her break her, hadn’t lost faith in all the world had to offer.

Gods, she was getting maudlin and she hadn’t even gotten into the house yet. Maybe coming here had been a mistake, after all.

Finally, she spoke. “Well, um, I guess I’ll be seeing you soon, then.”

“Yeah—shit, hang on,” he interjected as he turned. “Callie, get away from the road.”

Aelin frowned. Callie? Who on earth—

A high-pitched tinkling laugh sounded in reply, and Rowan started jogging away. “Calista Rose Whitethorn, I shouldn’t have to tell you why that’s a bad idea!”

Lysandra shot her a questioning glance, and she only shrugged. Had Rowan found someone else, after Lyria? It was possible, she guessed, though she’d never met anyone around here by that name and people only rarely relocated to Orynth of all places. Maybe it was someone he’d met in Doranelle and brought here?

A little girl, perhaps four or five, ran toward him and tumbled into the snow that had reached her waist by this point. When she righted herself, shrieking with laughter, Aelin noticed her dirty blonde hair that had been clumsily braided back and her hazel eyes. What truly struck her, though, was the angular jaw and determined jut of her chin that was all Rowan.

She was still frozen in place as Rowan hefted the girl into his arms, scolding her for having run into the street with the air of someone who’d given the same lecture a hundred times before and didn’t expect the lesson to stick this time either.

Aelin should have been used to the sensation of the world crashing down around her by now. She had experienced it more times than anyone should be able to count, after all. The feeling never changed, either, from the time she first felt it when she was told her parents wouldn’t be coming home ever again all the way up until her most recent boyfriend had left her to move in with another girl just two weeks later.

The feeling may have never changed, but Aelin never stopped being surprised by it. This was proving to be no exception as Rowan returned to them, the little girl balanced on his hip and his gait adjusting smoothly to the additional weight. “Sorry,” he said as they approached and the little girl buried her face in his coat. “We’re in the phase where listening to grownups is lame and boring, it would seem.”

“I can’t say I blame her,” Aelin managed, hoping it sounded flippant and not as awkward as it felt. “I make a point of listening to as few adults as possible.” She couldn’t bring herself to ask. She wouldn’t.

Though she hadn’t asked, it appeared he was going to tell her anyway. “Aelin, the last thing I need is you encouraging my daughter.”

~*~*~

Though Aelin had done a good job forgetting about the new boy until school started, once they learned their lockers were near each other she had begun a campaign to befriend him. It had taken several weeks to penetrate an aloof shell to reveal a shy and painfully awkward boy who was just as alone as she was, and now she was glad to call him a friend. The fact that he was maybe her only friend except for Aedion only had a little bit to do with it.

Though the status of their relationship had firmly changed from “neighbors” to “friends”, Aelin had recently found herself wondering what it might be like to be more. She’d known, of course, that one day she’d start feeling these kinds of feelings for someone. Uncle Gavriel had been so thorough with “the talk” that she had wanted to shrivel up and die on the spot, but the lessons had stuck.

She had never expected that this boy would be the one that would captivate her so.

At first she had tried to ignore it. After all, he was two whole years older than her, and she was sure she was just some dumb fourteen-year-old kid to him for all they were friends. Besides, Uncle Gavriel had said these kinds of feelings didn’t usually last in high school. She just had to wait it out, and hope she didn’t die of embarrassment if he ever caught her staring at him.

Only it wasn’t going away, and she found herself wasting away entire hours daydreaming about his stupidly perfect hair and his stupidly perfect eyes. Maybe the best way out was to get it out of her system. The only downside to that option was that she would have to actually tell him, and the very idea of that was mortifying.

She was going to do it, though. That afternoon, she’d watched him walk down the hall and she’d just known somehow that this was her day. She just had to wait for the right moment.

The right moment, she knew, would come right at the end of the day when they were both at their lockers—her preparing for the walk home, him stowing his things away to get ready for practice. If he shot her down, she would have plenty of time away from school to lick her wounds in peace.

She watched as he approached, and was prepared to call his name in greeting when his gaze slid past her, eyes widening and jaw dropping slightly.

Gods, but that was how she wished he would look at her sometimes. Should she look too? She was sure it would kill her, but would it be worse not to know? It would have to be worse not to know, right?

She turned and glanced behind herself, and immediately she saw what—or who, rather—had captured his attention.

She couldn’t remember the girl’s name, but she’d seen her around before. She was one of the cheerleaders, chestnut brown curls pulled back in a high ponytail and brown eyes warm as she laughed with one of her friends.

Rowan must have finally reached her, and he quietly asked, “Who’s that? Do you know her?”

“No,” Aelin forced out before walking away like her entire world wasn’t ending.

~*~*~

Aelin wasn’t entirely sure how they managed to break away from Rowan—and his daughter, her mind supplied—and make it into Aedion’s house. Ever since he’d introduced her, her mind had been in a daze. Thankfully, she recalled that Lysandra had done most of the talking; hopefully she’d supplied some kind of excuse for her stupid friend who was in the process of having her world rocked yet again.

But they made it inside and hung their damp coats up to dry, and soon Aedion was guiding them toward the two guest rooms he’d set up for them. Lysandra slipped into hers immediately, citing exhaustion from the trip in a way that meant Aelin absolutely knew she was lying. Aelin, however, followed her cousin back out into the main living space.

“I’m glad you finally managed to make it back,” Aedion said before she could ask the questions that had been burning in her mind.

Aelin bristled at the implicit accusation. “I’ve been busy,” she snapped.

“Gods, Aelin, I’m not upset, okay?” He wrapped her up in a hug that had once been so familiar, and she couldn’t help but relax slightly at the memory. “I really am glad. I know you’ve been busy, and I’ve never blamed you for doing what you needed to do.”

Aelin bit her lip as he spoke the words she’d both longed for and feared. Before she could stop herself, she was confessing one of her darkest secrets to the only person she thought had a chance of understanding her. “What if I blame me?”

As soon as the words rushed out of her, she realized just how true they were. Gods, she was such a mess now in comparison to the girl she had been. She’d left all of this behind, all of her family and the place she’d been raised, and for what? A job she hated in a city she despised, where she’d be working every day with a guy who couldn’t even do her the decency of pretending he hadn’t left her for another coworker? I can’t go back, she’d told herself every day. She’d told herself it was because she was living for the future, but it was becoming evident why she’d actually done it.

If she stayed here for too long, she wouldn’t want to go back to her job and her city and her life.

As nice as it would be, and as willing as Aedion seemed to be to help her with such a transition, she couldn’t come back. Especially not now.

Aedion was talking again, and she struggled to give him her attention. “—blame you, then that’s a different story. I can’t stop you from blaming yourself. But I have a feeling you don’t actually want to have that conversation right now.”

That part was true, at least. “You didn’t mention it wouldn’t be just the three of us on Yulemas,” she said quietly.

He stiffened. “Would you have come if I had?”

“Yes.” Aelin scowled and thought about it more. “No. I don’t know.”

Aedion chuckled. “So decisive. That’s why I didn’t bring it up. You were going through enough when you called as it was.”

“You could’ve at least warned me he was back. Or that he has a kid. Gods, I looked like such an idiot.”

When she looked up at her cousin he was grinning. “So, maybe not as over him as you thought?”

“Aedion!” she shouted, angry and humiliated at his casual mention of her stupid childhood crush. “Of course I am, I was just… surprised. I thought he was still in Doranelle with his…” she vaguely waved her hand in the air, realizing that she still wasn’t sure exactly what Lyria had been to Rowan in the end.

“You really did break off contact with everyone, didn’t you?” he asked, voice soft and eyes softer.

“You were the only one I spoke with at all,” she confessed. “There is—was—is nothing left for me here.”

He frowned. “You know that’s not true.”

“It is true, cousin. It has to be.” And even if it wasn’t true, it wasn’t as if she could simply change everything now.

Aedion sighed. “Well. If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me, right?”

She tugged him into a hug before grabbing her coat. “I do.”

“Where are you going? It’ll be dark soon,” he cautioned.

“I know. I’ll be back soon.” Before he could say anything else, she slipped out of the front door, feet leading her to a particular destination.

The little park across the neighborhood stood empty just as it always had, a remnant from when more children had lived here. It had proved a godsend when Aelin entered her teenage years; every time living as the only girl in a house full of boys had gotten to be too much, she had slipped away to this little spot. She had done homework on the little picnic table that was somehow still standing, she had danced and run and laughed in the little field, but mostly she had sat in the grass—or the snow—and watched the little pond.

It was too small to be a good skating pond, even in the coldest part of winter. But there was something so peaceful about this little spot anyway that Aelin had never minded. Besides, if it had been better for skating there might have been more demand on the little area, and she didn’t like to share.

Rowan knew where it was, of course; he had once known almost everything there was to know about her. She wondered if he still came here every now and again, if he brought his daughter to see the pond and feed whatever fish still lived in it.

If he had, there was no sign of it now. The morning’s snow had blanketed everything, wiping away every trace that may have lingered. Now it was a place where she could be alone with her thoughts, and try to come to terms with everything that had been revealed in such a short time.

~*~*~

“Wait, so you’re not going to ask her to the homecoming dance? Why not?” Aelin could hardly believe her ears. After the past three days of hearing nothing but talk of that pretty brunette girl from the hall, maybe he’d finally gotten it all out of his system and they could go back to normal.

“Are you kidding, Aelin? I wouldn’t even know where to start.” He sighed, troubled green eyes staring out over the pond.

Aelin carefully schooled her face into a frown, though her stupid heart was leaping for joy. “Why not?”

“Are you kidding? I wouldn’t even be able to say hi. I suck at talking to girls.”

“I’m a girl,” she pointed out irritably.

“Yeah, but you’re different,” Rowan argued. “You’re not…”

“What?” Aelin demanded. “What, exactly, am I not that she apparently is?” Gods, just a week ago she would’ve longed to hear him saying she was different, but now… Now it was hitting differently, and she didn’t like it at all.

Finally realizing her sudden annoyance, Rowan began to mumble. “You know.”

“No, I don’t,” she said, tone sickeningly sweet to her own ears. “Why don’t you tell me?”

“Gods, Aelin, you don’t have to be such a—”

No. No matter what his next word was going to be, she wasn’t ready to hear it. Not from him. Never from him. “If you’re going to yell at me, get out of my spot,” she snapped. “I was here first.”

He frowned, but something in her expression must have convinced him that this wasn’t a fight worth having right now because rather than snap back he sighed. “See, this is what I mean. I’d only mess it up. You’re already stuck with me.”

If only he knew how true that was. “I guess.”

“Hey,” he said, turning fully so his whole body was facing her rather than just his face. “It’s like you said yourself, we orphans need to stick together.”

She couldn’t even be nearly as mad as she should be at him throwing her own words back in her face. Gods, how pathetic. Finally, she asked, “So, if you’re not going to ask her to the dance, what are you doing instead?”

“What, me? I wasn’t going to go in the first place.” That sounded more like the Rowan she knew, avoiding large events and crowds as much as possible. The boy she had come to befriend tended to stay on the outskirts of any group, quietly observing rather than her own tendency to jump right in.

“But what were you going to do?” she pressed on.

He smiled, though there was something almost wistful about it that made her heart melt all over again. “Assuming you’ll allow it and I’m not actually kicked out, I was going to come here. Enjoy the peace and quiet. Maybe with my only friend, if she’s not going to be the life of the party out there.”

Aelin smiled. “Maybe she’d rather spend time with her only friend than go out, anyway.”

~*~*~

Aelin shook her head as though the motion would dislodge the memory. She had already stayed longer than she’d intended, and the sun had long since set. It was past time that she leave.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and when she checked it she had received a message from Lysandra. OMG, her friend had typed.

She smiled and replied. ????

You didn’t ever tell me your cousin was HOT. Where are you, anyway?

Her smile immediately turned into a scowl. Ew, Lys. That’s my COUSIN, I definitely don’t think he’s hot. He looks like me.

Yeah, maybe, if you were a hunky guy with shoulder muscles for DAYS.

Let’s skip the poetry about Aedion’s muscles, please. I’d like to sleep sometime tonight.

Just tell me if he’s single and we’re good.

I think so, when he invited me he said he’d just broken up with his boyfriend.

Boyfriend????

Aelin grinned. Problem?

Of course not! But does he only go for guys, or…?

Why don’t you ask him?

OMG Aelin you can’t just ask a guy if he’s gay. She could just imagine the scandalized look on Lysandra’s face, and she laughed before replying again.

I mean, I have.

And that’s why I’m the social one and not you.

Ugh, fine. He’s bi.

YESSSSS.

A noise attracted Aelin’s attention then, and she slipped her phone back into her pocket without replying so she could pay closer attention.

“Who’s that, Daddy?” a little girl asked, in a tone that made it obvious she was trying to be quiet but had absolutely no concept of how a whisper could actually be louder than speech when said the wrong way.

She couldn’t quite stop herself from shivering at the accented baritone of Rowan’s reply, though if asked she would immediately blame the cold weather. “That’s Aelin, sweetheart. We met her earlier, remember?”

“Oh. She looks sad.”

Rowan sighed. “Baby girl,” he started to reply, but the child—Callie, her name was Callie—was already darting over to her, a string of faerie lights dragged along in her wake.

Finally, her tiny little legs took her to the bench where Aelin was sitting, and hazel eyes were peering up at her seriously. Aelin blinked. “Um, hi. Callie, right?”

The girl grinned and nodded. “And your name is A… Ae…” Her little face screwed up as she struggled with Aelin’s name, likely due to the tooth that was missing from her smile.

Despite herself, Aelin found herself smiling back. “My name is Aelin, but you can say A if that’s too hard right now.”

Callie’s attention had already gone elsewhere, and with all the energy the gods had seen to give small children she was now attempting to detangle the string of lights she’d dragged through the snow. She seemed to only be making the snarl worse, but the look of determination on her face was so very Rowan that Aelin couldn’t bring herself to interfere. “Daddy said we can put lights up,” she explained.

Rowan finally caught up then, breathless as he tugged the girl into himself. “Calista Rose, what have we said about running off and introducing ourselves to strangers?” he asked, before turning his gaze on Aelin. “Gods, Aelin, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for us to—”

“It’s okay,” she interrupted, surprised to find that it was the truth. Maybe she’d finally gone crazy, but dealing with Rowan’s daughter sounded far preferable to listening to Lysandra drool over Aedion.

“Yeah, Daddy!” Callie exclaimed, and Aelin laughed at the sight of her lecturing her own father, hands on her little hips. “And she’s not a stranger, you said she’s your friend,” she accused.

Panicked green eyes met hers then, and Rowan grimaced, clearly trying to decide how best to answer. Surprising herself yet again, Aelin spared him from his struggle. “We became friends a looooong time ago,” she whispered conspiratorially. “He might’ve forgotten. Y’know, cause he’s so old.”

She met Rowan’s glare with a wink as Callie considered this information, hand on her chin in a gesture of deep thought. “He is old,” she allowed finally. “Really old.”

“Gee, thanks,” Rowan grumbled. “Anyhow, we can leave if—”

Callie interrupted with a whine. “But Daaaaaad, you promised!”

“Well,” Aelin replied as she pretended to consider the dilemma. “I can’t have you breaking promises to your own daughter. That sounds awful. I guess we’ll just have to help her put lights up.”

Rowan finally smiled as Callie cheered, promptly making an even bigger mess of her little string of lights. “Thank you,” he said softly before turning to help the little girl detangle the lights.

Once the job was done, Aelin carefully took one end of the lights. “So, where are we putting these?”

Callie immediately pointed at the table, dragging the lights over and starting to wrap them around one of the legs of the table in a way that could only make sense to a child her age. Aelin carefully dropped the other end of the lights and let the girl work, taking a few steps back to talk quietly to Rowan.

“Why’d you come back?” he finally asked, quietly.

She sighed. “I had to get away, at least for a little while. I didn’t really have anywhere else to go, after…”

After she’d realized her job at Havilliard Industries had stolen her soul, chewed it up, and spat it out. After Chaol had left her for Nesryn. There was no way she’d be able to put those into words, though, so instead she finished with, “I just needed a break, I guess.”

“I guess I can understand that,” he replied slowly. “We moved here after Lyria died. There was nothing left for Callie in Doranelle, and I needed to find a place where I would have the time to take care of her. Orynth… it fit.”

“So, what do you do now?” she asked.

“You’ll laugh.”

“I promise I won’t. Here, I’ll go first. I got a marketing job, of all things. Not what I thought I’d be doing in the big city, for sure.”

“I run the local flower shop,” he finally admitted. “Not what I thought I’d be doing when I got out of the service.”

That was right; she vaguely recalled he had enlisted in Wendlyn’s military for a while. “Maybe not, but… it fits, right? It’s what you needed.”

He nodded before turning his gaze back to the child that was now running around the table to pick up the other end of the string of lights. “It is.”

“How is she going to light those?” she asked, curious. “There’s no power anywhere nearby.”

Rowan grinned. “Then it’s a good thing I gave her a string of battery-powered lights, isn’t it?”

Aelin laughed. “I guess so. How old is she, anyway?”

“Almost five. She’ll be in school this time next year.” A strange mix of pride and terror crossed his face then.

Before Aelin could ask him about it, Callie burst into a fit of triumphant laughter and turned the lights on, illuminating the area around the table with the soft glow of faerie lights. “Pretty!” she cried.

“It is!” Aelin called, before speaking again to Rowan more quietly. “Really takes you back, doesn’t it? Decorating this old place.”

“We do it every year,” he admitted quietly. “Ever since we moved back.”

And just like that, Aelin’s whole world changed again.

~*~*~

“Come on!” she shouted as she dragged Rowan along behind her, a thrill in her chest from the sensation of her own hand wrapped around his wrist. “Hurry up!”

“Where are we going?” he demanded.

“To the park, come on! It’s Yulemas, you’ve got to see this!”

They finally reached the table by the pond, and he crossed his arms across his chest as she finally dropped his hand. “Thanks, Aelin. It looks exactly like it did yesterday.”

“Ugh! Boys.” Aelin shook her head before digging in the bag she’d brought with her and finding the little candles she’d tucked into it.

“What?”

“It’s not about what it is now,” she insisted. “It’s about what it can be. This is maybe the prettiest place in all of Orynth. Even prettier than Main Street.”

“Given how excited you were to drag me to each and every storefront to appreciate the lights from different angles, you’ll have to forgive me for doubting that you actually like this better.”

“Please, it’s not like you were doing anything better that weekend.” It was true; Rowan had never worked up the nerve to talk to that cheerleader girl after all, and their friendship had mostly recovered from that fight they’d had here two months before. “Now help me out,” she demanded.

“What are we even doing?”

“Making a place for these candles.” Carefully, with his help, they leveled off the snow that had gathered on top of the picnic table, and she placed the little tealight candles around the table with a few sprigs of holly.

“Is this even safe?” he asked, though he kept helping anyway, obediently placing candles where she pointed.

“Of course it’s safe! These blow themselves out before they would hurt anything, and it’s not like we’re going to just leave them.” Aelin dug in her bag for the lighter she’d snuck out of Uncle Gavriel’s kitchen, grinning as Rowan’s eyes went wide with nerves.

“Wait, you’re seriously going to light them? Where did you even get that?”

“From Uncle Gavriel. Please, like you’ve never borrowed anything from Aunt Maeve.”

“I’m pretty sure Aunt Maeve would kill me if I took something like that,” he replied seriously. “Look, if we’re actually going to do this, maybe I should…”

“Nope! This is the best part!” Aelin carefully went around the table, lighting each and every candle they’d set out. “Okay. Now sit down and just look at it.”

Rowan obeyed, though he still looked skeptical. “It looks like candles on a table.”

“If you look at them just right, it’s like they’re glimmering out on the ice,” she replied as she joined him. “Do you see it yet?”

From her place beside him, she could tell the moment he finally let himself take in the whole scene. “I guess it’s nice,” he allowed.

“Ugh, you don’t have to be such a boy about it. It’s okay to like things, you know.”

“I know.”

And they sat in silence after that, watching candlelight flicker on the snowy picnic table until each tiny candle blinked back into darkness.

~*~*~

Despite everything that being back in Orynth was stirring up, Aelin woke up the next morning with a smile. As complicated as this place was for her, something about the way the morning sun hit the soft snow blanketing the yard never failed to bring her at least a few moments of peace.

It only rarely snowed in Rifthold, and never to the extent that it regularly did here. Aelin hadn’t seen a setting like the one that was waiting outside her window in years now, and she found she missed it. Of all the complications that Orynth meant to her, this had never been one of them.

Perhaps she’d be able to convince Lysandra to play in the snow later.

Quickly, she got dressed in the layers that living in Orynth required, leggings under her jeans and a sweater over a long sleeved shirt, before slipping down the hall in sock-clad feet. Both of the other bedrooms were completely silent, but she heard noises from the kitchen, so she went to investigate.

It was for the best, really. She was a terrible cook, and if Aedion was awake she could probably con him into making eggs and bacon before her day of frolicking in the snow. She turned the corner into the kitchen…

And froze in the entryway.

Aedion was at the counter next to the stove, wearing his typical morning outfit of plaid pajama pants and a worn shirt. That in itself wasn’t nearly enough to give her pause. But the leg thrown over his hip and the husky laugh of his companion absolutely was. Damn, but Lysandra moved fast. Had she even slept the night in her own guest bed?

She didn’t know, and she didn’t want to know either. It was time to make a quick escape.

Her boots were still beside the door from where she had kicked them off after returning from her unexpected evening with both Rowan and his child. It was the work of a few short minutes to tug them back onto her feet and slip out of the front door, tugging on her coat and winding a scarf around her neck.

High-pitched laughter met her once she had closed the door, and a glance down the lane revealed little Callie having stumbled into a snowbank, large flakes sticking to the twin braids that contained her dirty blonde hair this morning. Rowan wasn’t far behind her, and he was doing his best to hide the grin on his face as he offered to help her free of the snow.

The little girl pulled herself free, only to immediately fall back onto her rear on the sidewalk. The motion had spun her around until she was facing where Aelin stood, and as soon as she saw her she was up again, running toward her and screaming, “Miss A! Miss A!”

Aelin laughed at the child’s enthusiasm, warmed by it in spite of herself. “What are you up to today?”

Callie pointed back at the yard from which she’d run. “Snowman!”

Sure enough, there was a sad little mound of snow standing in the center of the yard. “Are you doing it yourself, or is your dad helping?”

“I’m doing it,” she declared proudly. “I’m not done yet.”

“Well, don’t let me stop you from finishing it,” Aelin said, tweaking one of the girl’s braids.

“Watch me!” she shouted as she ran back toward her own yard and her father.

Well, it was definitely a better idea for her morning than being a third wheel for her friend and her cousin. Mind made up, she marched down the lane behind Callie, much to Rowan’s evident surprise.

“Surely you have better things to do than let my daughter drag you around for your entire vacation,” he said quietly once she reached him.

Aelin shrugged. “My friend and my cousin are probably getting it on in the kitchen. I had to get away.”

“Fair enough.” He grimaced. “I can’t say I’d want to stay for that either.”

And as they watched, Callie determinedly dragged handful after handful of snow to her little mound. “She… does know about rolling a snowball around to make it bigger, right?” Aelin asked.

“Shh. If she does it this way she might actually take her nap today.” Rowan was fighting a grin as he said it. “And if she actually naps, I might be able to finish wrapping presents.”

“Ah.” Not to mention, it was kind of adorable to watch her struggle so much.

Finally, the mound had reached a height Callie seemed to deem acceptable, and she had sculpted it into three rough sections. She darted back to the front porch where a handful of supplies were waiting, tossing a scarf around the snowman’s neck before crying in dismay as the carrot nose flew across the yard and into a deep snowbank.

Aelin took a deep breath and looked at Rowan, expression solemn. “I can’t believe I’m going to do this,” she said.

He frowned. “Do what?”

“Dive headfirst into a snowbank, of course.” She was doing her best to keep a straight face, but she suspected she was failing miserably by this point.

“You don’t have to do that,” he said immediately, pine-green eyes wary. “In fact, you have a choice available to you that is specifically not doing that.”

“Nope,” she declared. “It’s too late. I’m doing it.”

There was still a small hole where the carrot had entered the snow. If she moved quickly enough this would be easy. “Stay back,” she warned daughter and father alike as she took a few steps back to give herself a running start.

Then she launched herself into the snow with a shout.

~*~*~

Aelin shrieked with laughter as she tumbled off of the sled and into a deep snowbank, giggling as she heard a concerned shout from the top of the hill. Trust Rowan to be a complete worrywart. She was fine; she was better than fine, even. She was high on the thrill of the sled ride and the snow and this time spent with him. In moments like these, she was positive that nothing could bring her down.

A hand dug into the snow beside her, clearly trying to help her up, but instead she took it and tugged Rowan down into the snow beside her, laughing even harder. “Gods, Rowan, your face!”

“Why do you have to be like this?” he demanded. “You terrified me, you know that? I was so afraid that you’d hit your head and I’d have to explain this to your uncle. Or worse, explain it to my aunt.”

“I’m fine!” she assured him.

He ran his hands over her head anyway, clearly checking for any kind of head injury, and she couldn’t hide the shiver from the feel of his hands on her. “Gods, Aelin, you’re freezing! We’ve got to get you out of here.”

“I’m fine,” she repeated, though even to her own ears the words sounded less certain. Maybe she’d hit her head after all, and this was an elaborate fantasy her dizzy and delirious mind had concocted. Or maybe he was going to keep touching her and she’d combust on the spot.

“Come on, Aelin, please,” he pleaded. Gods, he had to know she would do anything for him if he asked her like that. He had to know, and was obviously using it against her right now. There was no other explanation, unless this was all some kind of crazy dream.

She had to try. She had to know.

She reached out a trembling hand toward his face, half-buried in the snow beside her own. Would he let her do this if it wasn’t a dream? What if he did let her touch him? What would happen next?

But it turned out that he didn’t let her after all, instead taking advantage of her outstretched hand to tug her free of the pile of snow. She swayed, dizzy from the sudden change from lying in the snow to standing on her feet, and stumbled into him.

He brushed the remaining snow off her shoulders, glancing at her hair before obviously deciding that was a lost cause. “I think your hat’s still in the snow,” he said quietly. “How mad’s your uncle going to be if you lose it?”

“I can get it,” she protested, but he reached into the snow instead, letting out a soft noise of triumph when he found it. Carefully, he brushed the loose snow off of it and tugged it back onto her head.

“There,” he said. “Good as new, like nothing even happened.”

As they walked back to Uncle Gavriel’s house, those words echoed in her mind over and over. Nothing even happened. Nothing even happened. Nothing even happened.

~*~*~

Aelin jerked herself out of the memory and held the carrot aloft with a triumphant shout. “Got it!”

When she emerged from the snow, it was to the gleeful cheering of a four-year-old and a bemused smile from said four-year-old’s father. “Thanks, Miss A!” Callie shouted, bounding over to take the carrot back from her.

“Miss A?” she asked quietly as Rowan made his way over to them.

Rowan shrugged. “I didn’t tell her to call you that. That was all her.”

“Well, she’s certainly more polite than you ever were,” Aelin teased, watching as Callie carefully centered the carrot in the top part of her snow mound and pressed it in.

“Very funny,” he grumbled. “How long are you staying? I just realized I never asked.”

“I’m leaving the day after Yulemas.” Gods, but it felt awkward to say, throwing in his face that soon she would be walking right back out of their lives forever.

Rowan nodded. “Listen, usually on the night before I send Callie over to Aedion’s to spend the night, so I can finish setting everything up. Then we all come back to mine for Yulemas morning. I know you’re both staying in his spare bedrooms right now, but…”

“Yes?” She leaned closer as his voice got quieter.

“If you wanted to spend one night in my guest room instead, it would keep her routine uninterrupted. I know it’s a lot to ask, but—”

“I’ll do it,” she said. “It’s just one night, right? And that little girl needs the best Yulemas ever.”

Rowan chuckled, clearly relieved. “That’s a pretty high bar. She wore herself out inside an hour last year.”

“I’m sure we can manage it. Have you decorated yet? I can help—”

He cut her off with a gloved hand over her mouth, mirth shining bright in his eyes. “I’ve already decorated, yes, but I’m positive it’s not yet to your satisfaction. If you want to do more while you’re over, I won’t stop you.”

Heat slammed into Aelin’s face at his words, and she fought to keep the blush off of her face. She supposed she could just blame the cold if she failed, though. As she pulled his hand away from her face, she forced a smile. “It’s settled, then. I’ll go into town today and make sure I’ve got everything I need.” Gods, what was she doing? She needed to take it back, needed to apologize and say she couldn’t do it after all, not dig herself deeper into the hole.

“Thank you,” he said, and she was lost just as readily as she had been as a teenager. Fuck, but she was in trouble.

“Speaking of, actually, I should probably get going.” She glanced back at Aedion’s house. “They’re probably still going at it, and I haven’t eaten. I figured I’d stop by that little café on the corner of Main Street.”

“We can go with you, if you want,” he offered, but she was already shaking her head.

“I appreciate it,” she said, and she meant it. “But she should be able to finish her work here, and if I go alone I can find a few surprises to decorate with.”

He nodded, and she left as quickly as was polite. Once she had turned the corner at the other end of the lane, she pulled her phone out and sent a message to Lysandra.

SOS. Let me know when you’re done banging my cousin, I need girl talk.

She had just reached the little café and seated herself at a small table when her phone buzzed with Lysandra’s reply.

OMG I’m so sorry I swear I didn’t mean for it to happen like that.

Aelin smiled despite herself. I’ll forgive you if you help me now.

This wouldn’t have anything to do with that cute guy we ran into our first day, would it?

LYS. But yes.

What’s stopping you? We’re here for a week and a half, you might as well enjoy it. Was that… Yes, that was an emoji waggling its eyebrows. What the hell, Lysandra.

He has a child, Lys. That complicates it, doesn’t it?

Not if you don’t want it to. I’m not saying you need to elope with the guy, just jump him and get it over with.

You mean like you did?

Harsh. But seriously, it’s Yulemas. Maybe it’ll all work out.

Lysandra, this is not one of your silly Yulemas movies where a girl goes back to her hometown and some muscled guy in plaid teaches her the meaning of the season with his magical healing dick.

Why not? I don’t see anything stopping you but you.

Aelin sighed, giving up on the conversation for a moment as she ordered eggs and coffee. Before long, though, she was back on her phone.

One more thing. What the hell do four year olds like for Yulemas?

Girl you are GONE on this guy, aren’t you? Where are you? I’ll meet you and we can shop together.

That was probably the least painful way this could go, though she was sure to be embarrassed beyond belief by the end of the day. Gods, and she would have to explain their entire history to her friend.

She hadn’t talked about Rowan when she went off to college. She’d left him behind the same as she had everyone else in Orynth. It had felt like the only way to move on, as much as it had hurt at the time and as awkward as it would be now to come clean.

That conversation was likely to happen anyway at this point, but she could at least make sure it was near neither Rowan nor Aedion. Mind made up, she texted Lysandra back with the address of the café and let the waitress know she would have a friend joining her.

As she waited, stirring sugar into her coffee cup, Aelin allowed her mind to wander as it had been so wont to do from the moment they set foot in Orynth.

~*~*~

“You’re never going to believe what happened today,” Rowan said as they began their walk home from school, winding their scarves tight against the early spring chill.

“Aedion finally asked out that boy in your English class,” she guessed.

“What? No. At least, I don’t think he did.”

“That’s a bummer,” she replied. “That means I’ll have to keep hearing Aedion talk about whether or not to do it. Um, Elide finally lost it on that guy in homeroom?” That was a longer shot by far; Elide was one of the sweetest girls Aelin knew, with the patience of a saint.

Rowan snorted. “He’d have it coming if she did. But no.”

Aelin frowned, brows furrowing in thought. “I guess I’m stuck,” she said as they turned a corner. “Fine, I give up. What is it?”

He smiled. “Okay, so we got assigned this group project in history class. You know, the usual thing, pick a topic from the list and do a presentation about it.”

“Okay, but that’s not exactly newsworthy. You guys get projects all the time,” she pointed out, bending down to pick a crocus from the side of the road. She probably shouldn’t be plucking flowers from the community gardens, but she just couldn’t stop herself from picking the first of the crocuses she saw in the spring. The flower itself was nothing special; she far preferred the kingsflame that bloomed later in the season. But it symbolized the turning of the seasons, and for that alone she appreciated it.

Sure enough, when she looked back at Rowan he was frowning. “Are you sure you’re allowed to do that?”

“No. So what happened with this project?” she asked, wanting his attention on the story and not on her tendency toward petty misdemeanors related to flowers.

His ears turned pink, and her heart sank to the pit of her stomach. Gods, she had thought they were past this. She had just begun to hope, to think she might possibly have the slightest chance with him. Now it looked like all of those hopes were about to be dashed.

Sure enough, his next words confirmed her worst fears. “It’s in partners, and Lyria got assigned as my partner. We’re going to be meeting about it after school tomorrow.”

“Oh. That’s… that’s good, right?” It wasn’t good, not at all, but Aelin had just been forcibly reminded of her place in his life. She was his friend, and friends encouraged each other, right? She could do this, even if it killed her.

“That’s very good. I know it’s just about the project, but maybe she’ll like me, you know?” He bit his lip, and judging from the color it was far from the first time that afternoon he’d done so.

“I don’t see why she wouldn’t,” Aelin said honestly. “I mean, you’re… you’re you,” she finished, knowing as she said it just how lame the words sounded.

It seemed to be encouraging enough for Rowan, though, because he smiled at her. “Thanks, Aelin. You’re a good friend.”

And just like that, Aelin’s already-delicate heart shattered.

~*~*~

The rest of the week passed by in a snowy blur, and soon it was the night before Yulemas. She had just vacated the guest room she’d been staying in to allow for Callie to go through her Yulemas tradition of staying with Aedion, and her heart felt like it had lodged in her throat as she knocked on Rowan’s door.

Her breath caught right alongside her heart when he opened the door, wearing a shirt that looked almost impossibly soft with sleeves short enough to reveal the swirling marks of a dark tattoo along his left arm. “Um,” Aelin began. “Aedion’s getting Callie to wind down now. When did you get that?” With the hand that wasn’t holding her bags of decorations and of clothing, she gestured at the marks.

He let her in and closed the door behind her before answering. “After Lyria died,” he said quietly. “It’s in the Old Language of Wendlyn, and it tells both her story and my shame.”

“Shame?” Gods, Aelin shouldn’t be asking this of him. Their newly-rekindled friendship was on shaky enough ground as it was.

Rowan answered anyway. “After we married, but before we had Callie… we weren’t in a good place. I’d joined the military, which I know you know about, and she hated that I could be away for months at a time. We… fought. A lot. So I stayed away longer and longer, only coming back for short leaves here and there. Then we learned we were having a child, and… I couldn’t be there for the birth. She left then, but six months later she was involved in a car accident. I was due to re-enlist then, but I retired instead and took charge of Callie. We moved here not long after.”

“Gods, I’m so sorry,” Aelin replied. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“What about you?” he asked. “What have you been up to in Rifthold?”

This was it. This was what she hadn’t talked about with anyone here, with the exception of Lysandra. She sighed. “Honestly, right now I kind of hate it,” she said, hoping he would leave it at that.

Of course, for once he decided to press further. “What’s so bad about it?”

Just like that, the words began pouring out of her as though they were back in school and she was once more spilling her problems to her closest friend. “I hate my job,” she confessed. “I thought it would be fun and exciting, but… not to mention, my last boyfriend was also a coworker, and so is his new girlfriend, so I have to see them every godsdamned day and pretend like they just moved quickly when they moved in two weeks after he left me. But… I can’t just leave. That would be letting them all win.”

“And we all know how Aelin Galathynius feels about letting other people win.” Where once those words would’ve sounded angry, Rowan must have learned to better hide his feelings. Now the sentence was carefully devoid of emotion, letting her judge the words at face value rather than responding defensively to his tone.

“Maybe Aelin doesn’t know anymore,” she admitted. “But I didn’t come here to talk about all of this, I came here to help you decorate.”

He finally let it drop then, and she walked into their living area.

There was certainly room to place other decorations along the mantle and the stairs, but the Yulemas tree was absolutely stunning. Strings of soft white lights made the branches glow and the ornaments glimmer in shades of the traditional red and gold. On the lower branches, Callie must have helped to decorate, for the placement was haphazard and the ornaments were less fragile and more child-approved.

Rowan chuckled behind her, and she belatedly realized she was just staring at the tree like an idiot who wanted a life she couldn’t have. “The tree is perfect,” she finally managed.

“Really? Because I thought you were going to say the tree looks like it was decorated by a four-year-old and her helpless father. Which is true,” he said with a smile. “But it’s been working for us.”

“It’s perfect,” she declared. “I bet Callie loved helping.”

“That she did,” he laughed. “So, what did you bring with you?”

She grinned, tugging out strands of faerie lights and red ribbons and garlands made to look like pine. “I wondered for maybe five minutes if you’d have a mantle to put all this on, but this is Orynth. If you don’t have a fireplace, winter is suffering.”

“Some of us like the cold,” he replied.

“And some of us are wrong,” she retorted. “Now help me get the lights on this garland.”

About an hour later, more soft white lights were gleaming from the mantle and wrapped around the handrail of the staircase. They had placed a garland over the mantle, and more sprigs of pine and holly were scattered around the room in little wreaths and sprays. “There,” she said as she flopped on the couch. “Now it’s perfect.”

“It is.” He sat beside her, and she turned to see his eyes on her, pine green glimmering in the soft faerie lights.

Aelin glanced away and swallowed, trying to rid herself of the lump that had suddenly caught in her throat. Gods, Teenaged Aelin had dreamed and pined for a moment like this, and now that it was within her reach she wasn’t sure what to do with it. It had been so long, so many years and so much distance standing between them, and yet some soft lighting and a softer look in his eyes had her melting as though no time at all had passed.

It had been over ten years since the moment Aelin had come to the decision to let Rowan go, but now she found herself wondering once more what it would be like to finally close the gap between them and let herself have what she’d always wanted.

~*~*~

“Where are you going to go?” Aelin asked from her perch on Rowan’s bed as he packed.

“After graduation, you mean?” He neatly folded some more shirts into a box. “I’m going back to Wendlyn. I can’t stay here forever, you know.”

“Oh.” Maybe she could figure out a way to get to Wendlyn too. He was graduating soon and would be leaving soon thereafter, but she only had two more years of school left herself. Maybe she could look at universities in Wendlyn, see if she could—

“I’m going to ask Lyria to come with me,” he said, and just like that the fragile dream shattered.

It had been so easy, in the two years they had been dating now, to pretend as though nothing had changed between Rowan and his cheerleader girlfriend. Rowan was always so careful to still make time for Aelin, even though it was less time than before, and the couple seemed to avoid public displays of affection for the most part. But Rowan was still in love with a girl who wasn’t Aelin, and no amount of pretending on her part would stop this from happening. There would be no Rowan-and-Aelin, taking on Wendlyn by storm. There would just be Aelin, left behind and left all alone forever as a pretty brunette with warm brown eyes took everything she had ever wanted for herself.

“Do you think she’ll go?” she asked, hoping her voice didn’t sound as tight as her throat felt.

“I hope so,” he sighed. “I know it’s a lot to ask, I won’t exactly be around for the first six months or so.”

“What? Why not?”

He turned to face her, pine-green eyes as serious as she had ever seen them. “I’m enlisting in Wendlyn’s military.”

“Oh. Well, that’s good, right? If that’s what you want to do, I mean.”

“It is.” And it would be a good fit for him, too, this quiet and serious boy before her. “Lyria isn’t sure she likes it, but she said I should go for it if it’s what I really want.”

“She’s right, you know. You should. I mean, it’s your entire future, right? You’d just regret it if you let someone talk you out of it.”

He nodded slowly. “And I’m sure she’ll understand. It’s an adjustment right now, but after training we’ll be able to stay together if we’re married. I’ve been asking around.”

Gods. Not only was he asking her to move to be with him, he was thinking of proposing to Lyria. “That’s a big step, isn’t it?” she managed to say around the tightening in her throat.

“It is. I’m still thinking about it. But…” his voice trailed off as he picked up one of the pictures of her that decorated his desk.

But he was going to do it. He was going to marry his high school sweetheart. Aelin was sure she would say yes.

And now it was time for Aelin to let go of anything she’d hoped and dreamed would come to pass.

~*~*~

Aelin laid on top of Rowan beside the Yulemas tree, his fingers skimming over the bare skin over her spine, and wondered how on earth she’d gotten to be so lucky.

She didn’t know if it was the look in his eyes or the play of soft white light over his face, but she’d found herself leaning in toward him. Unbeknownst to her, he had been doing the same thing, and before she’d been able to stop and think their lips had met.

It had been absolute heaven. Rowan had kissed her like she was the only thing in the world that mattered, soft and tender and dizzying, and before long she had thrown herself at him and slid her hands under that shirt that had turned out to be exactly as soft as it had looked. He had been surprised for a moment, but soon enough he had responded in kind and then they were on the floor beside the tree, her shirt tossed across the room somewhere and his own underneath her.

Aelin could have cried in bliss, the moment he’d pressed himself inside of her. The weight and size of him had been perfection beyond words, and all too soon she had been shuddering into a peak of sensation beneath him despite wishing the moment could have lasted forever.

His own peak had rushed along behind hers, but rather than get up he had simply rolled them so he was supporting her weight as they pressed together. Now he was tracing random patterns along bare skin, looking up at her as though he was seeing something he’d never imagined before. She supposed perhaps he was.

She languidly stretched above him, humming as the motion reawakened the pleasant ache between her thighs. He smiled in reply, his free hand finding its way into her hair, and she happily snuggled into his chest once more, reveling in the sensation.

She wasn’t sure how long they spent like that, cuddled together beside the tree, before her own voice broke the comfortable silence. “I got both of you Yulemas presents,” she revealed with a kiss to his shoulder that sent a thrill through her.

He blinked, rising up onto his elbows, and she rolled to the side to allow him to sit up. “You did?”

She nodded, and from the heat in her face she could tell she was blushing. “I did. I hope you like them, I’ve never really had to shop for a kid before—”

“No.”

Aelin froze where she sat. “What?”

When she looked over at him, his expression was hard, eyes that had been so warm just moments before like ice. “You heard me. No.”

“I don’t understand,” she confessed. What had she done wrong? They had been so happy just moments before.

“You can come back here and play pretend for a little while before you go right back to Rifthold and leave this all behind forever if you want,” he replied. “I certainly can’t stop you. You can even bring me into it. I obviously didn’t mind. But you do not get to play this little game with Callie.”

Gods, he was so angry, his words practically a growl. “I didn’t—”

“Think of it as a game?” He was up now, gathering the clothes they’d discarded and tossing her own shirt back at her. “Of course not. Why would you? It’s not your life you’re playing with. And it’s like I said, if it was just mine I wouldn’t even care. But that little girl has had enough loss. I’m not letting you walk into her life like this and then walk right back out and make her wonder what she’d done wrong.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered as she slipped back into her shirt. Gods, what had she been thinking? He had every right to be upset, and she was misreading things like always. “I’ll just, um…”

She gestured at the guest room he’d had her set her bags in earlier, and he nodded shortly. She took a deep breath and tried one more time. “Um, good night, I guess.”

“Good night.” Gods, he wasn’t even looking at her anymore. She’d absolutely ruined everything, and now she’d have to live with that.

Quietly, she slipped away, up the stairs they’d decorated earlier and into the darkened room. It must have been a cloudy night, for there was no starlight glimmering off of the snow in the yard.

Not bothering with turning on a light, she dug in her bag for the package that had been meant for Callie and pulled the wrapping paper off of it with trembling fingers. The colored pencils tumbled to the floor, the packaging thankfully staying intact, but she was able to keep a hold of the coloring book full of pages of lively flowers. She bit her lip, tracing along the edge of a kingsflame blossom on the cover with her fingertips.

For a fleeting moment she considered tearing the book apart, or throwing it away. She couldn’t bring herself to do it, though, knowing it would only bring her further grief. Instead, she tucked the book and the pencils alike into one of the empty drawers. Rowan would find it later, and maybe he could give it to his daughter and pretend he’d gotten it for her.

Maybe he’d just throw it out when he found it. But there was a chance his temper would’ve calmed enough by the time he actually saw the book that he would pass it along, even if the little girl never learned the true identity of the gift-giver.

It was for the best, she knew. Callie certainly deserved better than someone who came whenever she pleased and left whenever she felt she had to, regardless of how a child would feel about it. That didn’t stop her from quietly sobbing as her head hit the pillow.

~*~*~

The setting was familiar, Aelin sitting on the edge of the kitchen counter in his aunt’s house, even though the reason they were both back here was one she had never expected. His aunt had passed quietly in the night two months before, and now she was seeing him again for the first time in two years as he cleaned up the house to either sell it or rent it out.

Those two years had treated him well, filling out the muscles of his chest and back and shoulders. He was a man now, twenty years of age to her eighteen, and he certainly looked like one too. It was so hard seeing him like this, when she knew that there was someone else waiting for him back home in Wendlyn. But he’d asked for her presence and her assistance, and she knew she would regret it forever if she’d turned him away when he’d needed her.

They had spent nearly an hour in awkward silence, boxing up Maeve’s china and silverware, before Aelin blurted out, “I’m leaving.”

He turned to look at her, though he didn’t speak, and where once she could’ve told what he was thinking just by looking into those eyes, she found he was now a mystery to her.

She rushed to clarify. “Not right now. After I graduate, I mean. Like you did.”

He just returned his focus to the kitchen cabinets, sorting and organizing the many pots and pans his aunt had gathered over the years.

The sound of soft metallic clanging was the only one to reach her ears for a while. Gods, was he truly not even talking to her? He’d barely spoken since he’d arrived in Orynth, but she’d written that off as him feeling uncomfortable with what he was there to do and not anything to do with her personally. Now, though, it was harder to think that his lack of reaction was unrelated to who he was speaking with. Had they truly grown so far apart?

Perhaps they had. Though he wore no ring on his hand, she realized that she didn’t know if he’d actually proposed to Lyria like he’d been talking about those two years previous. When had they even spoken last, before he’d called her to help with this? She was struggling to remember.

Perhaps it had been a mistake to agree to help. But it wasn’t a decision she could just take back now. He needed her.

That didn’t mean his utter lack of response sat well with her, however. She crouched beside him, pulling more pans out of the cabinet, and continued on. “I’m going to Rifthold. There’s a good college there, lots of job opportunities—”

When he cut her off, his voice was cold. “Do what you want, Aelin. I don’t care.”

This time, as she stumbled out of his aunt’s house fighting off tears once more, she knew she wouldn’t speak to him again. He’d moved on and was living his life without his friend. It was beyond time for her to do the same. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her phone and finally deleted his number before letting the tears fall.

~*~*~

Yulemas day passed in a subdued blur for Aelin, and soon she and Lysandra were boarding their train back to Rifthold. Aedion had accompanied them to the station this time, and Aelin stood awkwardly to one side as they exchanged numbers and shy promises to visit whenever they could.

Aelin was happy for them. Really, she was. Someone should have a happy Yulemas season.

Once they were on board and the train had departed, Lysandra tried to get her to talk about Rowan’s conspicuous absence from their departure, but she found she didn’t quite know what to say. She asked something about her and Aedion instead, though she couldn’t remember what, and Lysandra happily chattered along as Aelin watched the snowy woods pass by the window.

Returning to her shoebox of an apartment after having spent so long in Orynth served as a rude awakening for Aelin, and she sighed as she hauled her bag onto the bed so she could unpack. It took twice as long when she was struggling to hold back tears, but she still managed, and even managed a few hours of fitful sleep before dragging herself back to work the next day.

Lysandra had been smart when she’d requested her leave. She’d allowed a day of rest after arriving home, whereas Aelin had thought she would be glad for the return to routine. As she passed through the doors of Havilliard Enterprises, though, swiping her badge along the way for entry into the building, she fought a sudden rise of bile in her throat. This was what she had left it all behind for? Another day, another handful of dollars clutched in her fist at the exchange of her soul, the art she had studied being used to manipulate people into buying whatever stupid shit they were selling today?

It wasn’t too late to call in sick. She could just back out of the doors, call her boss, explain that she’d thought she could make it in but she was just too unwell to work. It would really be for the best; she obviously needed more time to get over everything that had happened in a short week and a half.

She had just turned to leave the building when she saw a sight that made her freeze.

That was Chaol outside the doors, but it wasn’t Nesryn he was kissing. She didn’t know who this woman was, though she worked at the hospital nearby if the scrub pants peeking out from her jacket were anything to go by. The woman smiled up at him, positively glowing with joy from the season—or, no, from something else entirely, Aelin realized as the woman’s hand strayed to her own abdomen. Gods, had he already…?

He evidently had, as his hand slid to cover hers with an answering smile. How long had they even been seeing each other? She’d thought he was still with Nesryn before she’d left for her little vacation; had he been seeing this woman on the side like she was sure he’d been seeing Nesryn while he was still nominally with Aelin?

Something broke in her then, and she realized with a laugh that it was the last chain holding her back. Why should she care what he did? Why should she care about anything that happened in this stupid city, when she had just realized her entire world lay elsewhere?

Turning on her heel, she marched past her own desk and right into her boss’ office. Dorian Havilliard, heir to the company but currently still her immediate supervisor, blinked up at her. “I don’t think we had a meeting until next week,” he said, eyes bleary with what someone else would think was sleep but she knew was most likely whatever crazed Yulemas party he’d attended.

“We don’t, but I’m here to tell you I won’t be at that meeting.” Gods, her heart was fluttering in her chest, but her mind and gut were both in agreement despite her nerves. She was finally doing the right thing for once in her godsdamned life.

He leaned forward, hands braced on the desk in front of him. “Aelin, as your boss I am telling you to get to the point. As your friend, I am telling you that I am too godsdamned hungover to draw this out and begging you to get to the point.”

She smiled. “I quit, Dorian. I’m leaving.”

He blinked, and then laughed. “If I’m being honest with you, I’m surprised every day you keep showing up. You leaving is the most Aelin decision I’ve seen you make in years.”

“You’re not… upset?”

“Not at all,” he smiled. “Now get out of here, you know we never let anyone actually work out their time after their notice and I know your projects are all wrapped up anyway. Clean out your desk and go home.”

Grinning, she turned and walked back to her desk, taking the few things she had ever left there to begin with and leaving forever. On her way out, she tugged her phone out of her pocket and texted Lysandra the news before dialing a different number and pacing nervously as the dial tone began to ring.

The recipient of the call didn’t pick up, but she hadn’t exactly expected him to. Instead, she drove home and began throwing her clothes into suitcases while waiting for him to call back.

It didn’t take long before all of her belongings were packed away; most of what she had was clothing, as well as a few kitchen implements for the oven she admittedly never used. Any food in the refrigerator was neatly bagged so Lysandra could use her spare key and pick it up; she didn’t want it to go to waste, after all. She also left the wine, knowing that her friend would likely demand it in exchange for what she was asking of her.

Finally her phone rang, and she glanced briefly at the caller’s name before picking up with a smile. “Hey, I need a favor,” she said.

~*~*~

“You know you don’t have to do this, right?” Aedion asked as they loaded the last of her boxes into her car. Soon she would be driving her way down to Rifthold and beginning her first days as a university student, and she couldn’t be more excited. Aedion, on the other hand, was much more hesitant about the situation.

It made sense, in a way. He’d stuck around after he graduated, leaping right into the fire academy like his father before him. He’d never had any desire to leave Orynth, and she couldn’t blame him. It held precious few bad memories for him, after all.

Aelin, on the other hand, was tired of feeling weighed down by ghosts of what might’ve been. No, it was past time that she leave. “I’m ready,” she said. “And it’s not like you’ll never hear from me again. You could even visit.”

Her cousin smiled sadly, and she knew if she asked him to he’d follow her to Rifthold just to make sure she was happy. She couldn’t ask that of him, though. He loved his hometown, loved the people in it, and she had no right to take any of that away from him just because she was miserable here. “And you can visit here, you know that, right?”

She laughed. “I’ll be home on my breaks,” she replied, though already it felt strange to refer to Orynth as home when her whole future was about to unfold in another city. “They close the campus down over Yulemas and during the summer, and I’d have nowhere else to stay.”

“Then I guess I won’t take over your room and turn it into a game room just yet,” he teased.

She hugged him, then, dropping her last bag to the ground in order to get a better grip on her cousin and friend. “I’ll miss you,” she admitted. “You and Uncle Gavriel will probably be the only people I miss from here, you know that?”

He frowned, but by this point he knew better than to bring up the spectacular blowup and fizzling out that had been the end of her friendship with Rowan. “I know,” he finally replied. “It’s weird, I want you to make friends out there, and I know you will. But I don’t want you to make too many, because I want you to come home someday. Is that weird?”

She smiled sadly. “That’s not weird. We’re family, and this is the first time we’re going to be this far apart for this long.” It was quite a distance; Rifthold was two days of driving away. She’d be stopping by the border between Terrasen and Adarlan for the evening before getting the rest of the way to the city the next day.

He tugged at her braid rather than reply. “Okay. Get going, before one of us cries. If it’s you I’ll freak out, and if it’s me that’ll just be embarrassing.”

She laughed, tucking her last bag away before opening the driver’s side door. “Whatever, you big baby.”

“Text me when you get to your hotel tonight!” he called as he backed away from the car.

“Yes, mom!” she shouted, grinning when he doubled over in laughter. Then she was driving away, watching him wave until he faded from view.

~*~*~

Aelin’s heart leapt into her throat as she knocked on Rowan’s door just as it had the night before Yulemas. Gods, what if she was making a terrible mistake after all? What if he opened the door, only to slam it shut again in her face? Worse, what if he never opened it at all?

Arms wrapping around herself, she began to pace on his porch. This had been a terrible idea. She should’ve waited a bit longer, maybe run into him in a public place instead of barging into his home. That would’ve been a safer option. This was risky as hell, and yet deep down she knew it was her best chance. That thought did almost nothing to settle her nerves, though.

The door opened, and she looked back at it, blinking when she saw no one at all before glancing down and seeing it had been opened by Callie instead of Rowan. The little girl opened her mouth on a gleeful shout, but Aelin quickly dropped to her knees and hushed her. “It’s a surprise,” she whispered.

“Oh,” Callie whispered back, and Aelin was once again thrown into amusement at just how loud a four-year-old’s whisper could be. Before she could say anything, though, before she could ask the girl about her day or see if her dad was awake yet, tiny arms were thrown around her in a tight hug.

Fuck, but it would be so easy to love this child. If she was truly honest with herself, Rowan’s daughter had stolen away a piece of her heart the moment she’d first heard her try to say her name. Even more than what she may or may not feel for Rowan, this alone was the best confirmation she could get that she was making the right choice after all. “Aww, I’m so glad to see you again too,” she whispered, tucking a stray lock of dirty-blonde hair back into one of her ever-present braids. “Did your daddy do your hair today?” she grinned, already knowing the answer from the way the braids were falling apart. Rowan’s work was far neater.

“Nope!” Callie replied at full volume. “I did!”

Aelin winced, knowing the shout was sure to attract Rowan’s attention. “It’s pretty,” she said as she heard footsteps approach at a full run.

“What are you doing here, Aelin?” Rowan’s words were cold and angry, but when she looked up at him she realized that he wasn’t speaking from a place of wrath. No, Rowan was afraid. And she knew exactly why; he’d shouted it at her on that night before Yulemas, after all.

“You were right,” she said simply, watching the fight drain out of his shoulders. “What I was doing wasn’t fair to you, to her, or to me.”

“That doesn’t explain why you’re here,” he replied, but his face… she hadn’t seen this kind of hope cross his features in a long time, and never directed at her.

With a few murmured words down to the child still in her arms, she sent her back to Rowan before standing as Callie wrapped her arms around her father’s leg instead. “I quit my job,” she blurted out. “I quit my job, I broke the lease on my apartment, and I moved back in with Aedion.”

Rowan quietly ushered Callie into the living room, where she resumed happily coloring in a page of… gods, that was the coloring book she’d left behind for her. With his daughter’s attention otherwise occupied, he turned back to Aelin. “Why?” he said quietly.

She felt the corner of her lips turn up in a crooked smile. “I was wrong, when I left for Rifthold. My life wasn’t there, only my work. My life… it’s here. With my family… with you, if you’ll let me.”

Rowan was silent for a moment, clearly thinking over her answer, and she bit her lip. This was it. She’d said everything she could. Now everything depended on Rowan’s response. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again and shook his head, and she almost jumped out of her skin. Gods, she was so nervous. Even if he allowed her back in, they would still have so much to resolve, but if he shut her back out now… well, she didn’t know what she’d do.

He finally laughed, tugging her into a crushing embrace and burying his face against her hair. “You never do anything by halves, do you?” he asked.

She opened her mouth to answer but a sob came out instead, shocking them both. As hot tears spilled down her cheeks, she fisted her hands in the material of his shirt. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I don’t know why—”

He only pulled her close once more, urging her head to come to rest against his shoulder. “You’ve had a long week,” he said quietly. “We all have.”

Slowly her shoulders stopped shaking, and she finally looked up at him with a watery smile. “So…”

“We’ll have to go slow,” he cautioned. “I meant what I said about Callie having lost enough.”

Was he really saying…? She had to know. “But…” Her words trailed off. What could she even ask? He had to know he was holding her heart in his hands right now. He had to know that a single word from him was about to alter the course of her life forever.

Rather than respond verbally, Rowan leaned in and kissed her like he first had the night before Yulemas, soft and slow, almost tentative.

As much as she wanted to just melt into his embrace and forget time had any meaning, she knew that this alone wouldn’t fix things. And so she pulled back ever so slightly, just enough to get a good look at his face. “Does this mean we can try?”

He smiled. “This means we can try.”

Before she could kiss him again, the sound of tearing paper reached her ears, and they both turned as one to where they’d left Callie coloring. The child had torn a page out of her book, and now she was running back over to them with a wide grin. Breathlessly, she presented the page to Aelin, who accepted it with a smile and then began tearing up all over again when she saw it was a carefully-colored kingsflame blossom like the one that had been on the cover when she’d seen the book in the shop. “I made it for you!” Callie beamed up at her.

Aelin fell to her knees once more, and she felt Rowan do the same beside her before hugging them both to himself. “It’s perfect,” she told Callie earnestly.

And it was perfect. For once in her life, this was a perfect moment, and she was so looking forward to having more just like this.

~*~*~

Tagging:

@ireallyshouldsleeprn @queen-of-glass @fangirlprincess09 @sassys-world @morganofthewildfire @superspiritfestival @perseusannabeth @sis-it-dont-add-up @jlinez @julemmaes @emilyoftheshadows @thegoddessofyou @mymultiversee @swankii-art-teacher @rowansfirebringer @rabodocardan @courtofjurdan

[wordsafterhours]

Songs About You: Chapter 3

Surprise, 2 updates in one day!!! I couldn't wait to post this and it's unedited, as. well freshly finished. Oh and I actually wrote something of length--not sure when the next update will get posted, but I will start working on it soon.

Word Count: 3.9K

Masterlist

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A few days had passed since her interaction with Rowan at the bookstore and for some reason, Aelin still found herself going through the exchange in her head over and over. She chalked it up to the fact that he liked leatherbound books and nothing else. She owned a bookstore for goodness sakes, how could she not appreciate someone who liked a good book?

With a frustrated sigh, Aelin threw one of the many decorative pillows off her bed, narrowly missing Fleetfoot who was idly playing with a rope toy on the floor.  Fleetfoot startled a bit at the resounding thud of the pillow, and she felt instantly bad. “I’m sorry girl, mama didn’t mean to scare you.” 

Aelin rolled out of bed and scooped her puppy up; it was breakfast time for them anyways. The hardwood floors of her bedroom and hallways were cool against her naked feet, but she didn’t mind in the least… It was just another reminder that fall was rapidly approaching. And with fall, came the snows of winter and Yulemas, which was the best time of the year. 

After artfully making it down the stairs with a wiggly puppy in hand, she turned the corner into the kitchen and set Fleetfoot down before preparing her food. Once that was done, she brewed herself a cup of coffee and pulled out a container of overnight oats from the fridge. 

Aelin wasn’t a good cook, but her parents had been, and the kitchen reflected that.  It was large and open, with a live-edge wooden bar top that allowed you to sit, eat, and visit with whoever was slaving over the stove. The countertops were a beautiful dark stone, and the cabinets were soft sage green—the combination balancing one another perfectly. 

Apart from the bar top, which she had helped her dad pick out, her favorite part of the kitchen was being able to stare out the massive window directly across from the bar. The view was unparalleled, showcasing the Staghorns and forest in all their glory. Sometimes, when she was attempting to cook in the kitchen or had friends over, she’d open the massive window, inviting the wilderness in like an old friend. 

With a final bite, Aelin set her bowl down into the sink and cast a longing glance out the window—what she wouldn’t give for one more Sunday breakfast with her parents, feigning disgust when they danced with one another and exchanged sappy kisses. She longed for home and this house hadn’t been “home” in a long time. She wasn’t sure if she even knew what that word meant anymore, which broke her heart a little more than it already was. 

A cold nose pressed against her calf, signaling Fleetfoot was not getting the attention she wanted now that breakfast was done. “Want to go play outside, girl?” 

Those were the magic words, and the puppy instantly became a frenzied mess, moving a million miles a minute. Aelin chuckled and walked towards the back door, opening it wide. Fleetfoot shot out and off the porch, tumbling in the wet morning grass. It was fortunate she had not named her Grace. 

Aelin took a seat on the porch and sipped on her coffee, savoring the sweet hazelnut flavor. Sweets were her ultimate weakness and while she tried to limit her intake, it was futile. The sun was just starting to peak over the mountains, bathing her backyard and trees in a beautiful, warm glow. It was small moments like this that Aelin was thankful for this life and glad she had chosen to stay in her childhood home, no matter how hard it had been and still was.

A familiar vibration tickled her legs, signaling some sort of alert on her phone.  She slipped it out of her robe pocket and glanced down. A few notifications from socials, an unopened text in the Bad Bitches group message, and most recently a text from Chaol. Her boyfriend was probably texting to tell her that his plane was about to leave. His assignment had wrapped up early and their mutual friend Dorian was on the southern continent, therefore he had no reason not to come home early. 

Aelin wasn’t unhappy he was coming home early, she had missed him, but lately it seemed they fought or disagreed more than anything. They had been dating for nearly six years, having met at Orynth University.  Dorian had introduced the two when Chaol transferred schools from Rifthold to Orynth their junior year. All her friends, apart from Elide, had met at OU, and they had never looked back.  It wasn’t until after they had graduated, that Chaol made his feelings for Aelin known, and after some major convincing on his part, that they started dating.

It had been sunshine and Kingsflame or so Aelin thought, but apparently, she had been in denial about how dating was supposed to go. Her boyfriend on more than one occasion, especially lately, kept broaching the subject of living together and progressing towards really making their life “one”. On one hand, she could understand where he was coming from, however it just made her scared. Made her feel trapped. Conflicted. Loved. Lost. Guilty. 

Tapping in her passcode, she opened his message:

C: Hey baby!  About to board, be home soon. Are we still on for dinner and going out with the group?  

Godsdamnit. She’d forgotten they’d made plans to go out with their friends tonight. Sundays were usually strictly lounge days or “family” dinner time at whoever’s turn it was to host the get together that week. Aelin didn’t feel like going out, what she really wanted to do was watch crime shows or read a good book with Fleetfoot cuddled in her lap. 

A: Yes! So excited to kiss your face and tease Elide mercilessly in front of whatever guy she’s having us meet.  I also have a big secret to tell you. Come over after you land. XX

Aelin scrolled through her phone, giving him time to answer if he still was able to. A notification banner lit up at the top of her phone, but instead of being for a text, it signaled an email’s arrival. Immediately she clicked into the application and started skimming it.  The two books she had ordered for Rowan and the one for Lyria were due to arrive by the end of the week, which was unusually fast considering where they were coming from. Maybe Mala had a sense of humor and wanted her to suffer through another tense interaction with the brooding male—she should be so lucky. 

It was almost 9:00 and it seemed like a respectable time to text on a Sunday morning… unless one went to temple to pay homage to their gods. Aelin decided to chance it and fired off a text to Lyria letting her know to come by Friday afternoon to pick up the cookbook. 

One text down, one to go, she thought to herself whilst fiddling with her phone. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to text Rowan now to let him know the book would be in or just call him the day of. He ended their conversation previous conversation civilly and she didn’t want to push her luck by texting him on a Sunday morning. 

Text.  Don’t text. Text. Don’t text. An internal conflict warred within her for another twenty minutes before she decided to seek guidance from the Bad Bitches group. 

A:  SOS E: Did my goddaughter eat another book again?

L:  Elide, I told you she’s MY goddaughter!!  

E: I thought we agreed to share???

A: For Mala’s sake, y’all can share custody of the dog! Now I repeat S.O.S.

E: Yes?

L:  We will table this custody thing for another time. What’s up, A???

A: Remember that conversation I told you about with the angry book guy earlier this week? Well, his books will be here, but I can’t decide if it’s appropriate to text him on a Sunday to let him know they’ll be here on Friday. 

E:  WHAT???? How come this is the first time I’m hearing about Angry Book Guy? Y’all suck.

A: Sorry, Elide! I didn’t want to interrupt your mystery date the other night.  So, I vented to Lys over alcohol and take out…  L: I thought you knew, or I would have told you. Anyways, Aelin had some hot guy with silver hair, a man bun, tattoos, and muscles for days accuse her of having an attitude and providing shitty service. E:  He sounds HOT! But also like a total douche.  L: I vote that Aelin has to sneak a picture of him on Friday and show us. Hot Book Guy needs a face.  A: I would never. That’s so unprofessional and how would it not be obvious? L: Live a little! Hell, tell me the time and I’ll get a picture. I can be covert like a ghost leopard.    E: Operation: Paparazzi sounds great to me A: Remind me why I put up with you two???  L:  Because it’s your curse, and you love us.  Also, I vote you put your big girl panties on and call him with the ETA.  E: Lys you’re a genius!  A: Excuse me, that was not part of the plan. I was asking if I should text or not text. If I won’t text him, why would I call the man? M: I clearly see I’ve missed quite the conversation. 

L: Manon, help Elide and me convince Aelin she needs to call that man 

M: The Aelin I know is confident and doesn’t take attitude from anyone. What’s up with you?? Where’s my firebreathing bitch queen at? 

Aelin didn’t want to admit that her friends were right, but they were. She never acted like a cowering puppy who was getting scolded for stealing off the counter.  But something in her felt off lately—off into her very core. If she owned that now, she wasn’t sure what she would look like on the other side. Maybe when she had more energy or didn’t feel quite so lost, she would stop treading water in this lake of avoidance and denial.  Regardless, that couldn’t and wouldn’t today’s problem. 

A: You are all dead to me. If die because this man flips shit, Manon gets custody of my daughter.  Nothing’s up, I’ve yet to have my second cup of coffee.

E: That’s rude! It wasn’t even my idea.  L: I’m confident I can steal Fleetfoot’s affection. Stop deflecting with threats of withholding your dog.  M:I’ll buy you the biggest piece of chocolate hazelnut cake and bring it by the store tomorrow.   A: That’s not fair, using my only weakness against me! L: You heard Blackbeak, get to it my friend. Give us the deets tonight when meet at Moonies.   E: Just think of the cake!  M: Maybe I’ll bring you the entire cake…. Lol A: Menaces. You are all menaces. I’ll see you tonight with Chaol. If I live that is. 

With her final reply, Aelin flopped back on the swing, cursing her friends more than she already had. If she wasn’t such a glutton for Emrys’ cake, she wouldn’t be about to poke the proverbial bear.  She scrolled through her pictures, searching for the picture of Rowan’s contact information. It was now 9:45 and perhaps a better time to contact someone on a Sunday morning. 

She punched in the numbers and lifted the phone to her ear, listening to it ring. Seconds before she was about to hang up, a lilted and sleepy hello sounded on the other end. Instantly, panic bloomed in her chest and her face felt like it was on fire. She should have sent him a text, but here she was waking him up instead. The gods hated her today. This had to penance for using her puppy as a pawn amongst her friends. 

“Hello?” his warm, accented voice said again. 

“Oh, uh, hi there! I’m so sorry to bother you but I, uh, I said I’d call when I had information on your books and I just got that and IknewIshouldhavejusttextedorcalledtomorrowImsorry,” she rushed out. 

Great, not only did she wake up the beast, but she also sounded like a godsdamned idiot. 

“Aelin?” 

“Yes?” she whispered. 

“I didn’t understand a thing you said after books.”

Aelin wanted nothing more to hang up the phone and beat her head into the porch railing. “I was just calling to let you know your books will be here Friday afternoon if you wanted to come pick them up.” 

“Definitely did not get that out of your first statement. I’m not sure if I will be in town on Friday but I can look at my schedule and give you a ring at the store when I know.” 

Somehow, Aelin had missed how inviting and warm his voice was before—most likely due to their respective anger and attitudes. The cadence and flow of his words, combined with an accent she couldn’t quite place, stroked across her like that of a lover’s. She could listen to this sleepy, pleasant version of Rowan infinitely. 

“Sounds great! I’m sorry if I woke you up. I should have just sent a text message; it is Sunday after all.”  She could hear rustling on the other end of the phone line and the idea of him shirtless and tousled on the other end had her face burning once again. 

“It’s not a big deal. I’m usually up by now but I had a late night. I’ll give you a ring when I know about Friday. Bye, Aelin.” 

The line went dead before she could answer. His abrupt termination of the conversation was the wake up she needed, a reminder of who Rowan was and was not. He was gruff. An ass for lack of better terminology. A customer. 

He was nothing to her. Just a pretty face with a honeyed voice who preferred leatherbound books.

______________________________________________________________________________

Chaol had arrived at Aelin’s house a little after four and Aelin was glad for a bit of normalcy and monotony to pepper her Sunday. She was used to spending Sundays with him and they hadn’t had the luxury of spending one together in over a month. Naturally, he almost tripped over Fleetfoot when he opened the door and Aelin smiled when she introduced her as the “big secret”. It was clear Chaol wasn’t expecting the dog to be the surprise and while he didn’t seem thrilled, he at least tolerated the pup; that was all Aelin could hope for at the moment. 

They tucked into the take-out Chaol had brought with him when he showed up, just enjoying one another’s company and catching up as couples did.  Aelin found herself laughing and relishing in the fact that she truly was happy to have him home. Eventually, conversation led to kissing and kissing led to retreating upstairs. Three orgasms and a nap later, had Aelin rolling out of bed to get ready for Moonies.

“One last kiss?” Chaol pleaded pulling her back into bed. 

“That’s what you said five minutes ago. We’re going to be late if I don’t get up now,” she chided but her tone was anything but serious. 

Chaol ran a calloused hand through her blonde locks, stopping along her jaw and pulling her close, their lips barely a whisper apart. She could feel his words as he spoke them. “We’re always late to pick them up.  Besides, they’ll understand.” 

She smiled against his lips and acquiesced his request for one more kiss, which was really like another ten.

“This is me leaving,” she advised with a wink. With that, Aelin traipsed into the bathroom and slid into the shower. She took care in her routine, wanting to be an absolute tease all night. What was the point in having a boyfriend if you couldn’t still rile him up every once in a while?

While waiting for her hair to dry, she leafed through half her closet before settling on an outfit. She’d bought a bodysuit while Chaol had been gone and she knew he’d hardly be able to contain himself all night. She slipped on a black thong and followed it with the body suit, taking care not to pop a button off the back of the neck. The bodysuit was nude with a black lace overlay, halter neck, and open back—it fit like a dream, and she was so glad she had listened to Lys and bought it. Dark wash jeans and black heels completed the ensemble. 

She did a light make-up, a red lip, and added her mother’s diamond studs for a bit of sparkle. Her hair fell in curls down her back, hiding just how much skin was exposed. She loved the confidence the outfit gave her, and she relished momentarily in feeling like herself. Like the Aelin who knew she was the most beautiful woman in the room. Like she could set the world on fire with just one look. 

Chaol wasn’t in the bedroom when she came out and Aelin figured he must have been downstairs already. He was used to her taking forever and usually resigned himself to watching tv until she was ready. A white button down hanging on her bedpost caught her eye and she slipped it on before exiting the room.  She wanted her exposed back to be a secret for just a little later. Secrets were fun. So was being a tease.

“Ready,” she sing-songed down the stairs. 

Chaol flashed her a smile that reached his warm copper-brown eyes that she could easily see for once because he’d taken time to style his chestnut hair. When they had first started dating, he wore it so short, but after she’d admitted she loved how rugged he looked with longer hair and scruff, he’d kept it as such. His outfit was simple in the way that only a guy could get by with—a black v neck t-shirt, dark jeans, and black boots. 

Aelin slipped easily into arms, leaning her cheek against his shoulder.  He was 6’ 1”, a whole six inches taller than her, which meant she fit nicely against his chest, but he didn’t have to lean too far to kiss her. No one liked cricked necks. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The car ride to pick up Lysandra and Manon from Lys’ house was filled with companionable silence. Aelin lived west outside Orynth, and it was somewhere around a thirty-minute drive to downtown. Her parents had enjoyed the calm and peace that came with living where they did, such a stark difference from the ever-bustling city life. During college, she had lived on campus, eager to be where all the action was, but after all that she had been through, there was a calm that could only be found in the wilderness. Mountains and pine trees were like a security blanket she could not live without. 

Chaol fired off a quick text to Lysandra, indicating they were outside waiting. Shortly, Aelin saw the apartment complex door open. Both her friends looked stellar and ready to take on the town. Manon was dressed in a bright red dress and white heels, her blonde hair pin straight. She looked like absolute sin on legs. Lysandra was wearing a loose green button down, French tucked into light jeans, and a white bralette showing where her buttons were undone. Black heels similar to Aelin’s adorned her feet. 

“So, did y’all happen to look up the location of this bar? It’s literally in the boonies like your house, Aelin.  No offense,” chimed Lysandra as she slid into the backseat of the truck. 

“Hello to you, too. And offense taken. My house is nicely located,” Aelin tossed over her shoulder.

“I’ve heard of the bar from a few of my coworkers, but I’ve never been inclined to look it up. I’m quite content with going the Thirteenth,” replied Chaol. 

“If anyone asks, I was not at a bar other than my own,” added Manon, casually. 

The Thirteenth, on 13th St., was owned by Manon and her family, and the group was there several times a week. But at Elide’s insistence, they were trying out a new place that was apparently located in “the boonies”, whatever that meant.

“Babe, can you put Moonies into the GPS, please?”  

Aelin did as she was asked and internally cringed when the map did indeed show it was out of the way. “It’s in the Bristlecone district. I don’t think I’ve been on that side of Orynth in years,” she whined. The Bristlecone district was on the very edge on the city, due northeast. If you were trying to go to the coast through the Staghorns, you’d past through the district on the way out. 

“This guy better be hot.  There also better be eye candy for me to look at. And guys to buy us drinks,” Lysandra muttered, a displeased tone peppering her words. 

“Girls, if we don’t like it, we can leave.  Elide will be too distracted with her man to care,” Manon offered up, trying to soothe everyone. 

They filled the remaining twenty minutes to the bar with idle chit chat and questions about Chaol’s visit to Rifthold. Before they knew it, they were pulling up outside a weathered wood-building with a giant lit crescent moon and flashing, scrawled “Moonies”. 

“Definitely couldn’t miss it,” snorted Chaol as he parked. The sign was like a flashing beacon, signaling a weary traveler home. Aelin wouldn’t openly admit it, but she thought the sign was charming, and reminded her of Yulemas lights. 

Chaol politely held the door open for them and slipped his hand in Aelin’s as she was the last to filter in before him. He pulled her back for a quick kiss and a small blush colored her cheeks—he wasn’t usually into PDA and maybe absence had worn his views down a little. Whatever it may be, she was going to enjoy it. Besides, he still had no idea about the body suit being as revealing as it was. 

She looked around the bar and didn’t see Elide, which was weird since she was the reason they were all the way out here to begin with.  Aelin pulled out her phone and asked her where she was. There was a fair amount of people in the bar, and she didn’t see an open table.  

“Chaol, can you find us an empty table? We’ll get drinks and possibly find Elide in this crowd.” Aelin asked sweetly, giving him her best doe-eyed look.  

“With that face, how could I say no?”  he crooned before lightly taping her nose with his index finger. Behind her, Aelin heard her best friends faking gagging.

“Don’t be bitches,” she hissed, tossing a glare over a shoulder. 

“Here take my shirt, it’s kind of hot in here,” Aelin lied as she shimmied off the white button down and pressed it into her boyfriend’s waiting hands. She said nothing else and turned to catch up to her friends.  Ever the tease though, she couldn’t resist looking back and winking at Chaol, who was standing there, mouth open. Aelin:  1, Chaol: 0. 

Too caught up in herself and the high she was riding; Aelin missed the fact she was walking right into someone until it was too late. Her breath caught and she tried to remain upright as the thud of hitting into something registered in her brain. She felt one hand encircle her right upper arm and lay flat against her exposed back, the foreign touch setting her skin on fire.

Aelin was still trying to ascertain what was going on and when she finally looked up, surprise seized her whole body. “You,” she whispered.

----------------------------------------------------------

tag list:

@rowanaelinn @theresyourfireandblood @backtobl4ck @leiawritesstories @morganofthewildfire @jorjy-jo @rowaelinismyotp @theresyourfireandblood

[louiseleblancdiggory]

Once Upon a December

Chapter 4: Things My Heart Still Needs to Know

A/N: So instead on doing this only from Rowan and Aelin’s POV I decided to add a little bit of Lysandra so we know whats happening on the other side of the continent! This was so fun especially because I love a little mystery and a certain character we learn more about here. If I forgot to tag you please tell me. Enjoy!

Masterlist 

Chapter 3 // Chapter 5

“Who are you?” Lysandra breathed, completely shocked. The man in front of her eyed her curiously, as if he too wanted to know who she was.

Lysandra usually was careful not to call attention to herself, had learned that with Yrene who had been here longer than she had, but she couldn’t help with this man. Whoever he was, he had to be related to Lin somehow.

“Who’s asking?” His voice was deep, a mix of accents making the words sound like a song. The accent from Eyllwe and… Terrasen?

“I— You—“ Lysandra was, for the first time in her life, completely speechless. Growing up in a poor orphanage in Adarlan, Lysandra always knew what to do or say to get out of a situation. Always had something on the tip of her tongue, usually a lie. But right now all she could do was stare at the turquoise and gold eyes that belonged to her best friend.

And to this man, apparently.

“I usually do leave women speechless, don’t worry.” He joked, a small smile on his lips. When she didn’t laugh, didn’t stop staring at him, the smile dropped and his eyes narrowed. “What?”

“Who are you?” She repeated, eyes wide.

“Aed!” Yrene said, coming from the kitchen. She didn’t realize the staring match Lysandra was having with the man. “It’s been a year since you came by!”

“Hello, Yrene.” His eyes softened, and he smiled at the barmaid. “Who’s this?”

“Oh! This is Lys, she’s new. Has been with us for eleven months now.” Yrene said, patting Lysandra’s shoulders before starting to retreat into the kitchen. “I’m on kitchen duty right now, but Lys can get whatever you want.”

“Hello, Lys.” His voice held humor, and Lysandra slowly came out of her stupor enough to narrow his eyes at him. The necklace around her neck was becoming heavier and heavier.

“Who are you?” She said a third time, her voice harder now.

He leaned in, whispering as if to tell her a secret. “Aedion Ahsryver, milady.” He winked at her.

Ashryver. Ashryver. Where had she heard…. Ahsryver.

No.

“As in royal Ashryver?” Her voice came out slowly and calmly, but her mind was racing.

“As in ex royal Ashryver, yes.” He joked, but his voice held some bitterness.

Lysandra stared at Aedion for a few seconds before turning around. She walked until her hand was on the doorknob to the back door. She opened it gently, closing it behind her with nothing more than a click. She breathed in the air, not even caring that it smelled like piss and trash. She needed oxygen, needed to clear her thoughts. With extremely steady hands, she grabbed her necklace.

Lysandra had always joked that it was unfair that Lin had such beautiful necklace— a series of overlapping circles forming the shape of an eye with a blue stone in the middle— and she had none. So on her seventeenth birthday Lin had taken her to the fair and bought her a cheap locket. The real present was when Lin took her to one of the few photographic stations in Erilea, taking a picture of the two of them and putting inside the locket.

“It’s out family heirloom now. The first one.” Lin had said, a smile on her lips. “Because we are sisters. Maybe not by blood, but you are my family, Lys.”

Now, as Lysandra opened her locket and looked at the picture inside, she didn’t see Lin.

No, she saw the man inside. She saw the fallen royal of a kingdom neighbor to the one she had grown up. She saw the defining traits, the eyes, the mouth, nose and jaw.

Lysandra stared at the locket and didn’t see Lin Sirota.

She saw Aelin Ashryver Galathynius.

Lysandra vomited, barely hearing the approaching footsteps.

——————————————————

Lin was finally alone.

It had been five days since they got in the train and started their way to Banjali. They were currently in the middle of gods-know-where, and Lin had spent most of her day with Gav and Vaughan studying the royal family tree.

And exchanging scornful looks with Rowan, but that was besides the point. The man apparently had decided that he hated her guts with all his might, and Lin wasn’t all that sad about having someone to throw her anger at.

Around four, everyone decided to go to their own cabins and relax before dinner. They had been eating dinner in the privacy of their cabins for the past days, not wanting to draw too much attention. Today would be the first night they would go to the dining room.

Connall and Vaughan had been the first to leave. Gavriel and Lorcan were sharing one of the cabins, Fenrys and Rowan were in the other one and, as requested, she had her own. For forty minutes now she was sitting in silence, Fleetfoot asleep on the floor. The only sound was her fingers playing with the pendant on her necklace.

Aelin had asked if Gav had any books she could read. Most had been geography books, and although she didn’t hate geography, reading a whole book about it sounded brutal. Thankfully, he also had some history ones. With the excuse of keeping her studies, Lin grabbed one about the old royals.

The book was interesting, but Lin was so tired that she was dozing off when a knock came from the door. She sighed, having an instinct of who was knocking in such impolite manner.

“You can’t stay away, can you, Mr. Whitethorn?” She said as she opened the door, and there, as expected, was Rowan.

He had a frown on his face, but the sneer wasn’t there so Lin considered him in a good mood. Maybe he had taken a nap and calmed down, like those old cranky men usually did.

She took a step aside, letting him get into her cabin. As much as she had said she didn’t want to be disturbed by any of them whenever they weren’t practicing, Lin had to admit that she was infinitely curious to know what had brought Rowan here. She went back to her seat and plopped down, grabbing the book again. From the corner of her eye she could see him sitting down, giving the cabin a look that left clear all his discontent and how uncomfortable he was.

That was enough to make her smile a little.

“Look, Lin…” He forced out, as if the words physically hurt him. “I think we started off on the wrong foot.”

Oh, this was going to be fun.

“I do, too.” She said, her voice solemn.

“Ok.” He breathed.

“And I appreciate your apology.”

And just like that, the forced calm was gone. “Apology? Who said anything about an apology? I was just—“

“Mr. Whitethorn, don’t say anything else.” She raised her eyes from the book and looked straight at him. “It will only upset me.”

“Are you fucking serious right now?” He asked and Lin almost laughed at the incredulity on his face. “What about you apologize?”

“And what in Hella’s realm would I apologize for?” She dropped the book, her temper rising.

“Would you believe if I told you I made the same question to myself seconds ago?” He mocked, crossing his arms.

Oh.

She crossed her arms too, raising her chin. “You mean to tell me that you haven’t been awfully rude for the past days and—“

“And you have been such a charm, isn’t that right?” He interrupted her.

“And,” she continued as if he hadn’t said a word. “You want me to believe that it wasn’t Gavriel who told you to come here and set things straight?”

The moment his jaw clenched, Lin had her answer. Gav was the peace keeper and he would undoubtedly tell Rowan to stop bothering her at some point. She had to admit that she was surprised it had taken only a week.

“I was trying to be nice.” Rowan said, through clenched teeth.

“It didn’t work.” She replied with a sweet smile. “Actually—“

“Do you ever shut up?”

“You want me to be quiet?” Her jaw dropped. He was in her cabin taking up her time and he had the audacity to tell her to shut up.

“It is my greatest wish.” He slumped on his seat, and Lin wanted to jump on him and strangle his pretty neck.

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

“Fine!” She said louder, turning her head to the window. She knew she should kick him out, but her temper still hadn’t calmed down and she was itching to continue their sparring. She tried to soothe her nerves. She breathed in and out, watched the Oakwald trees passing by, tried to count to ten. Maybe if she tried to be civilized she would be able to kick him out faster and without further damage. “Will you miss it?”

“You talking? Hardly.”

And there was her temper rising again. “I meant Orynth, asshole.”

“Why the hell would I miss that piss poor city?” He sounded genuinely confused, and she turned her eyes back to him to see his brows furrowed.

“It was your home.” She said simply.

“It was a place where I lived. End of story.”

“That’s sad.” The words left her mouth before she could consider them, and Rowan’s gaze held so much wrath she had the mind of apologizing. “Sorry, it’s just that living most of your life without a home sounds shit. No wonder you’re like that.”

She knew it was the wrong thing to say the moment his face hardened.

“What’s up with you and homes, huh? Did you have a home, Lin? Did you have nice Yulemas mornings and happy Beltane celebrations? Did you have a beautiful house to go back every night?” His voice was dripping with venom, and that time it actually hurt. He knew she was an orphan, knew she had lived her whole life in an Adarlanian orphanage. And although he was an idiot, he wasn’t dumb. Rowan knew exactly how living in a poor orphanage in Adarlan as an immigrant and a Sirota meant.

He was just trying to hurt her by saying she never had a home either.

And it worked.

“I don’t know, to be honest.” She wanted to hurt him. Wanted to make him feel like the scum of the earth. “Because I have no memories before the age of eight so I wouldn’t know if I ever had a home. I wouldn’t know if I had happy Yulemas mornings or Beltane celebrations, and a house to call home, Rowan. As for later, the orphanage was as shit as you can most likely imagine but I did have family there, so yes, I had a home. It was shabby, shit and depressing but I would give anything to go back to it the way it was a year ago.”

She got up, and his eyes trailed her but he didn’t get up.

“Don’t try to make me be as pathetic as you, Whitethorn. You and I had the same shit, the difference is that I’m not a prick for no fucking reason.” She walked to the door, and even though she knew that this was her cabin and that he should be the one leaving, she couldn’t stay here. “Talk about my home like that again and I will fucking gut you while you sleep.”

“Lin…” He started, but she slammed the door after her, walking down the corridor.

She was fuming. She wanted to go back there and tear Rowan to shreds, but also wanted to walk until she had calmed down every single nerve in her body. Since murdering Rowan wouldn’t make her companions too happy, she opted for the latter.

How dare he speak of her life as he knew anything.

How dare him come to her only to try to hurt her.

How dare he—

Her racing thoughts were interrupted the moment a massive body hit her. She grabbed onto one of the windowsills, trying not to fall, and looked up. The man was almost as tall as Rowan or Lorcan, his brown hair was tied in a bun and deep blue eyes looked at her with so much scorn that he could probably give Rowan a run for his money.

“Watch where you’re going.” His voice was raspy and it send a shiver down her spine. He looked her up and down, giving Lin a disgusting smile before walking away. “Or maybe I’ll have to watch you.”

Lin had survived ten years dealing with shit, with people trying to hurt her everyday. She knew how to fight and definitely knew how to kill someone if the occasion asked for it. She could protect herself.

But in that moment all she wanted was to go to the boys. She didn’t want to ever see that man again, much less be alone with him in a corridor for the rest of her life. Maybe she’d convince Lorcan to kick the man out of the train. While it was moving. It sounded like the type of thing Salvaterre would enjoy.

“He barks more than he bites.” A feminine voice came from behind her, and Lin’s soul left her body as she yelped.

Lin turned around to see Lyria standing there, arms crossed and a small smile on her face. Lin would have snapped at her, but she knew that if it had been anyone else yelping how she had seconds ago, she would have wanted to laugh too.

“Who’s the brute?” Lin gestured to the retreating form that had hit her seconds ago.

“Cairn.” Lyria scrunched her nose in disgust. When she turned to Lin again, her face softened. “I take you were talking to Rowan.”

“Do I look this mad?” She replied, but a small smile also played on her lips.

“I don’t even want to know what he said.” Lyria sighed, putting her hands inside the pockets of her skirt. “Rowan can be brutal, but he’s a really good person when you get past his defenses.”

Lin was taken aback for a moment. This girl standing in front of her had nothing to do with the one in the platforms. This one seemed nice and warm, still holding a little of love for Rowan. The one in the platform had been cold and distant, wanting nothing more than strangle Rowan.

Lin would probably like the girl a lot if she did strangle her ex boyfriend.

“I thought you didn’t like him.” Lin admitted, and Lyria raised a brow, her warm eyes dancing with humor. “Or me, for that matter. In the platforms earlier you weren’t exactly…”

“Pleasant? Yes, I am sorry for that.” She seemed genuinely sorry, even bowing her head a little. “But appearances matter a lot, Lin, don’t forget that.”

Lin didn’t know what to respond to that, so she only tucked that piece of information in the back of her mind to analyze later.

“Would you like to have tea? Or coffee? With food, of course. Dinner isn’t served until eight and I am starving.” Lyria asked, her voice a little hopeful.

Lin knew the girl worked for the queen, and that should have been enough to make her suspicious. But Lyria seemed ok, nice even. If she was here with men like Cairn, her travel must have been brutal for the last couple of days. Lin didn’t need a new sister, she had Lysandra, but maybe having another woman that she could talk and befriend would be… Wouldn’t be terrible.

Lin’s smile was genuine when she answered Lyria’s question. “I’d love to. I have tired of my companions already, anyways.”

Lyria’s laugh at that had been genuine, too.

———————————————

“You are a women’s charmer. No one is at your level. Unparalleled, honestly.” Fenrys was saying and Rowan wanted to punch his teeth in. “In one week, one week, you managed to piss off Lin so much that now she’s chatting with you ex. It’s a record. Isn’t it a record, Gav?”

Gav snickered, as did the rest of them. Around seven, all six of them had decided go to the lounge to drink something and talk.

All of them had been shocked the moment they saw Lin and Lyria sitting at a table, laughing and talking as if they had been friends for years now.

“Can someone please shut Fenrys up?” Rowan grumbled.

“I have been trying for twenty years now.” Connall sighed, and Vaughan laughed at his husband. “Nothing works, unfortunately.”

“Poison, maybe?” Vaughan helped.

“Don’t kill my brother.” Connall turned to Vaughan.

“Yeah, don’t kill me, dickwad.” Fenrys butted in.

“Fenrys is right, though.” Lorcan said, his usual sarcastic smile on his lips. “What did you do to the girl?”

Rowan could feel his cheeks heating, and he looked at Lin again. He had been horrible.

Absolutely and disgustingly horrible.

Lin could get under his skin so fast that he didn’t even realized how pissed he was until they had started arguing. She was too sarcastic and too smart and the fact that she had taken a dislike in him the same way he had taken one in hers annoyed him endlessly. When arguing earlier, she had poked a sensitive part of his life and in that moment he hated her for it.

Now, he realized that there was no way she even knew it was a sore topic, but at the moment his emotions had been screaming so loudly that he didn’t even consider his next words. And they had been mean and low and he was so deeply ashamed that he didn’t know how he would even talk to her from now on. He should apologize for being purposefully mean, for using the little bit of information he knew about her to make her feel like shit.

Even though they only knew each other for about a week now, Rowan could notice that Lin was a secretive person. Whenever talking about her life, her hobbies or anything that would give them insight on who she was, Lin had been vague and superficial. She didn’t want them actually knowing her, and after today Rowan only had himself to blame.

And now she was chatting with Lyria as if nothing had happened.

The sight was strange. He hadn’t seen Lyria so free and talkative since she went to work for Maeve. After that, she had distanced herself, becoming colder and colder. It had broken Rowan’s heart in the beginning. Although she seemed to not think so, he had loved her. Rowan had loved Lyria in whatever way he knew, in whatever way he could. She had been the love of his adolescence, and she would always be a part of his story even though both of them were so different now.

There were things he hadn’t told her, but not because he didn’t trust her, but because he couldn’t voice them. Lyria had been so bright, so pure and lovely that Rowan couldn’t stand smudging all those qualities with his dirty past. Maybe it had also been his fault that they didn’t work out. He used to think it had been all about her working for the woman he hated, about her distancing herself from him, but he realized that he had been doing that for far longer than she had.

Gosh, he was a piece of shit.

“I’m a piece pf shit.” He said as much.

“Yes, you are!” Fenrys replied happily. Rowan turned to scowl at him, and Fenry’s smile immediately dropped. Not because of Rowan, though.

“Oh, fuck.” Gav muttered.

“Well, well, well… If it’s not dumb, dumber and dumbest.” Fenrys scoffed, staring at the doors to the lounge.

Standing there was Cairn, Cain and Perrington. All of his companions, and Rowan included, were familiarized with the three men. Whenever Lyria went to talk to them again, one had been flanking her back. The three were part of Maeve’s inner circle along with Lyria.

Rowan sometimes wondered how Lyria, who had been so sweet, endured working with those three pieces of shit. They reeked of cruelty and violence. Cain was known for doing Maeve’s hands-on dirty work, and Perrington was the one that did the political dirty work. Cairn was just a fucking sadist and Rowan shivered whenever he wondered what dirty work he was in charge of.

Rowan felt, more than saw, all his brothers tensing up when Cairn approached Lin, putting a hand on her shoulder. Despite Lin’s protests and announcements that she had no interest in befriending any of them, the cadre— as she liked to call them— had taken a certain liking and sense of protectiveness of her. Rowan was sure that Lorcan and Fenrys were about to walk up to Cairn when Lin got up, aggressively brushing the hand on her shoulder off and turning to the man with so much hate in her eyes that Rowan was glad he had never pissed her off to that point.

She mouthed something to him and Lyria bit her lower lip, trying not to smile. Lin, however, gave Cairn an ironic smile, turning back to Lyria. She said something, and the brunette only nodded, a smile on her lips.

When Lin noticed the other two men behind Cairn, her brows furrowed. She looked around until her eyes fell on them, and Fenrys gave her a subtle nod and walked a few steps in her direction. Lin turned back to the three man from Maeve’s inner circle, flipping them off as she walked to Fenrys. She looped her arm in his, and by the tightness on her mouth, she knew that Cain, Cairn and Perrington were still watching her.

“It was stupid to think Maeve would let all of us leave Orynth with just a few questions.” Connall said as his twin brother approached, Lin in his arm. “We should have realized when Lyria was in the platform days ago.”

“But the whole inner circle?” Vaughan asked, giving up his stool for Lin to sit down.

“Erawan is still with her.” Lorcan grunted, his eyes on the three man now sitting with Lyria. Where a laughing girl had been just minutes ago, now was a tense, cold woman.

“They are going to Melisande’s capital. Lyria told me.” Lin said, taking a sip from one of their drinks. By the way Fenrys narrowed his eyes, it was his.

Rowan wanted to bet twenty coppers that Lin knew exactly whose drink she was taking and knew that it would have been better if it was Vaughan’s or Gav’s.

“And why would we believe Lyria?” Lorcan asked, turning his head to her.

She merely shrugged. “I didn’t say we believed. I actually didn’t say anyone believed it.” She said calmly, taking another sip. Rowan didn’t fail to notice that she was ignoring him, refusing to let her gaze fall on him as she looked at the other five. “But I do, if you are wondering.”

“And why is that?”

Another shrug. “She’s nice.”

All of them were shocked, Rowan knew. Lin didn’t seem like the type to make friendships so fast, especially with people that could be a threat to her.

“She works with the new queen.” Vaughan said slowly, as if talking normally would scare Lin back into her shell.

“And so I have been told.” Her bored mask slipped, and a small smile played on her lips.

“She would turn you in if she knew what we were doing.” Fenrys said without Vaughan’s gentleness.

“Would she now?” Lin looked extremely amused by this conversation. “I take you guys know her well, then.”

And for the first time since she sat down, her eyes fell directly upon Rowan.

Part of Rowan wanted to ask what they had talked about, and the other part was too scared to even wonder.

“She tried to recruit us for Maeve’s inner circle a few times.” Lorcan’s voice sounded when Rowan didn’t respond to Lin’s silent inquire.

“Always with one of those pieces of shit with her.” Connall grunted, his eyes burning holes on Cain’s back.

“Every time she went to ask you to join she was with one of them?” Lin asked carefully, something shining on her eyes. Rowan tried to grasp what it was, but it wasn’t working.

Gav nodded, also studying Lin.

“Hum… Appearances matter a lot…” She muttered, but somehow Rowan knew she wasn’t talking to them, only thinking out loud. When she raised her eyes, Rowan finally identified what was gleaming on her turquoise and gold eyes.

Understanding.

Lin had understood something in that moment and after their fight today, Rowan knew she wouldn’t be inclined in sharing. She turned her head to Lyria at the same time Lyria turned to her. They shared a barely perceptible nod.

“What was that?” He finally said, his voice a little harsher then he expected.

Lin merely shrugged again, ignoring the cadre’s eyes on her while she sipped Fenrys’s drink.

If Rowan wanted to know what was going on, he would need to get in Lin’s good side.

And for that he would need to apologize.

He would do it that night, he decided, after dinner.

The moment he decided that, Lin’s eyes snapped to his as if she could hear his thought. The gold ore in her eyes looked molten, burning. The tightness of her mouth, the small crease between her eyebrows and her flaming eyes showed Rowan he would need to apologize a lot.

The girl was wildfire and she wanted nothing more than to burn him alive.

———————————————

Lyria was playing a very, very dangerous game if Lin’s assumptions were correct.      

And maybe because the girl reminded Lin a little bit of Lysandra, a little bit of herself, she couldn’t help but worry about her safety.

The same way she thought Lyria wasn’t all that loyal to Maeve, she had no doubt her three companions were. And they didn’t look like the merciful type, the I-take-prisoners type. No, those men reeked of violence and sadism and Lin could only imagine what would happen if she was right and Lyria was caught doing something she shouldn’t.

The first moment Lin found Lyria’s situation a little bit strange was when they met in the corridor and the girl said something about how appearances were important. And then, during the hours they sat and talked… Lyria didn’t seem like a cruel fanatic, blind by her queen’s wishes. No, she sounded like a lovely twenty year old. She never once sounded angry or bitter, even when talking about Rowan. The girl was extremely open about her emotions and past, and didn’t seem to hold a grudge.

Nothing screamed mean bitch as it had in the platforms days ago.

And then when Connall said that there was always someone else from Maeve’s inner circle with her… Lin could have been wrong, but an insistent voice in the back of her head kept saying that she was right. That there was more she wasn’t seeing.

She kept the rest of the evening quiet. She ate with the cadre, and if they noticed how serious and voiceless she had become, none commented on it. They talked about what they would do in Perranth in a few days. The train would stop there for a few hours, and there were some things they needed to buy before leaving Terrasen. Lin only wished to buy a few books of her liking and maybe clothes that actually fit her size.

She wanted to talk to Lyria before going to her cabin, but Cain, Perrington and Cairn never left her side, and this wasn’t a conversation to have with people listening. So she only bid farewell to the cadre— pointedly ignoring Rowan— and went to her room.

She was still fucking pissed at Whitethorn, even more so that he hadn’t apologized. But she had to admit that she was also ashamed. She wasn’t innocent in all of this, and she had said some things she regretted.

She had half a mind of going to talk to him, maybe settle things. They could live in silence, never talking to one another instead of bickering all the time. That’s what Gav had sent him to do earlier, wasn’t it? But if she went to talk to him right now, not knowing what to say beforehand, the argument would probably escalate even more.

Better to leave it alone than to make it worse.

She took a quick bath, the water running cold a little bit too quickly for her liking. Fortunately it was already hot, so she wasn’t freezing by the time she stepped onto her silky nightgown and started drying her hair. The long golden waves fell down her back, and although Lin knew that shorter hair would be more practical, she couldn’t bring herself to cut it.

Lin eyed the mirror. She knew she was pretty, it had been a fact that brought her a lot of undesirable attention during the past ten years. She supposed most girls liked being beautiful, and she did too, but she also knew that her life would have been easier of she had common features.

Fenrys kept saying that she had the face of a royal. For the first time, Lin considered his words as she analyzed herself in the mirror. Her skin was flawless and creamy, the pimples from her younger years long gone. The only markings were a small scar above her left eyebrow and an even smaller one on her upper lip. Her nose and cheeks were peppered with freckles, a small mole under her right eye and mostly hidden by her lashes. Small straight nose, pinkish full lips and high cheekbones, Lin supposed she could pretend to be a princess.

“Eyes of a queen, though.” Fenrys would say, giving her a wink. She stared at her eyes then, the turquoise bright under the moonlight and the circle of gold looking molten.

Yes, she could pretend to be royalty just fine.

She felt a sharp pain in the back of her mind, and for a moment her vision swayed and she was in another room, a younger girl staring at the mirror. Same eyes, same hair but the features showed a chid no older than nine. The little girl smiled as two figures walked into her room, a brown haired man and a woman that looked so much like her that it could only be her mother. The girl opened her mouth to say something, and Lin let out a moan of pain as the vision disappeared and a headache formed between her brows.

She was breathing hard, her reflection on the mirror showing her red eyes rimmed with silver. She blinked forcefully and a tear slid down her cheek, the headache worsening.

She really though she had left the whole insanity thing behind.

Sighing, Lin went to her small bed, pulling the covers up to her chin even though it was burning hot now.

The pulse in the back of her head came back full force, a little bit different from the headache. The pulse was exactly like the one she had felt that day in the castle, the one she had felt when she first saw Rowan.

Unable to sleep and starting to sweat under the covers, Lin threw them back, grabbed her silky robe and put it on. She didn’t know where she was going, but as she started walking towards the end of the train, the pulse became stronger, quicker. She didn’t know why she kept going, but when she reached the last wagon, voices fluttered from inside.

Lin took a step in, watching five figures standing by the end of the wagon. She narrowed her eyes trying to see something in the darkness as a hand came around her mouth and one around her waist, pulling her inside a hidden alcove.

She was starting to panic, reading to start trying to scream when her back hit her assailant’s chest. A chest she had hit before. Part of her nerves calmed at that, and when the voice she had known for the past few days whispered in her ear, even the pulse inside her head stopped.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Rowan whispered, his voice barely audible to her. She turned her head slightly, staring at his pine green eyes.

He looked furious.

Good, so was she. He scared the hell out of her.

Lin moved her mouth against his hand, and he understood what she wanted. He took his hand from her mouth, but kept the one on her waist as if to hold her in case she decided to do something very, very stupid.

“I can ask you the same!” She said in the same tone he had, but made sure by the look on her face that she wanted to be screaming at him.

“I—“

Rowan was interrupted when the hushed voices became louder, a particular one making both Lin and Rowan tense up.

“Please.” Lyria’s voice pleaded.

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