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kanmom51 · 3 years

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hi, genuinely curious, why do you think you know so much about bts’s personal lives? like just shipping real people in general that you don’t now personally, bc i saw some of ur posts(not just u, a LOT of others seem to think the same) and i’m confused like how do you know all that from a video/photo?

Ask 2: hi i think i might have sounded rude in my last anon and im so so sorry if i did, i don’t mean to sound mean but english isn’t my first language and i don’t now how else to write it.

What i mean is i just can’t see it, but so many ppl including you seem convinced jimin and jungkook are a couple? i now there’s probably something i’m missing that’s obvious to everyone else bc to me they just seem like really good and close friends, so like what is it that you think makes it obvious?? (again i’m just genuinely curious abt this pls don’t take it the wrong way 💜)

I’m not clairvoyant and don’t claim to know what goes on behind closed doors. I have said time and time again that we have no way of knowing what goes on when the cameras are off or when they are in private, unless they tell us.

I do speculate sometimes and make assumptions based on the content I’ve seen, but always original content, and not edited clips.

I have also made it clear every single time that these are my opinions and conclusions, take them or leave them.

There is a ton of BTS content out there to go through, which includes, just as an example (because there is so much more): Run BTS episodes, interviews (video, written and radio), member Tweets, memories, Bon Voyage, packages (summer, winter), Bangtan bombs, fan meets, Musters, concerts etc.

You need to watch original content, because, and it saddens me to say this, there is some Jikook YT content that is distorted, edited, slow motioned to fit the story, and not all of it is ‘real’ in the sense, that if you see the original content, see the true moment within it’s context and in real speed, well, it isn’t a ‘real’ moment. I have called out some of those moments in the past.

But there are things you can’t fake.

There a several moments that solidified for me the special connection between JK & JM.

Watch original content over the years and you will see there is something special between those two, a special and strong connection. JK clearly finds JM as someone he can confide in and someone that can calm him or console him in times of need. He has said it in interviews and we have seen him do so in the content out there.

JM is JK’s anchor. His safe place.

JK is JM’s happy place. When JM is down JK is the one who knows how to cheer him up. Even Jin had mentioned it once in an interview.

JK is JM’s protector in sorts. We’ve seen them at the airports, we’ve seen him carry JM after concerts.

They are super close. We know they constantly choose to travel together in the same car (when every member has their own car and they are the only ones together)... They choose spend ‘off time’ together - bowling, going to watch a movie, ice skating with each other. JK himself told us in BV4 that the only members he sae during their time off were JM & Hobi. They are just super close.

So what made me make the one step further and conclude they are romantically involved?

There are several things that pushed me over the edge. Some of them are:

First, the content, again. There is content out there that is way beyond “we are very close platonic friends”. Things they say or do in front of the camera that give you so much “we are a couple” vibe.

There is content that makes you feel like you are intruding on a very intimate private moment:

MAMA 2018 is one of them. I can’t say one, because there are so many moments there that are “WOW, what’s going on here?”

Rose Bowl is also such a moment that is as clear as day, with no acceptable logical explanation other than: “there is something more between those two”.

Those are only 2 examples, but there are many more such moments, where the intimacy level is way more than even the best platonic friendship out there.

You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to put 1 & 1 together here. These moments are loud and clear.

There are the more subtle moments too, those that add up on you, those that if you will look at each of them by themselves you would say: “yeah, nothing here”, but when you put them together, another one and another one and another one, well the conclusion is pretty much clear.

It’s JM’s Tweets, their matching clothing over the years, their choice to spend time together, their private trip, GCFT, JK’s choice to put JM front and center in all his other GCF’s, the way they look at each other, the way they talk about each other, the two very famous lives from 2016 (Tae’s & Hobi’s), their own lives (OMG), things JM tells us (like waking up and seeing JK is what makes him happy these days), “you are me I am you”, the way they touch, especially during the first few years (2016-2018), those hesitant light touches & brushes (if skinship is not an issue here, why do they hesitate so much to touch each other??? when they have no problem doing so with the others, all when we do know just how close they are), the way they talk to each other, they way JK lets JM get away with shit, while he doesn’t the other members, the way JK drops honorifics with JM +++++ so much more.

There another couple of independent points that helped to push me over the edge too.

The first is the other members reactions when JK & JM go on with their shenanigans. RM, Hobi, Jin, Suga & Tae all react differently, each and every one of them has a tell. Suga and Tae go blank many times. Jin lowers his head. Hobi either had a worried look on his face or a big fat smile, and RM, well he’s the most obvious out of the lot. It’s facial expressions, uneasy movement, fisting his thighs, looking to Hobi or Suga with pleading eyes, running to the two thinking he might have to defuse a moment, separating the two when he feels it’s needed. It’s all that and then some. Now if there is nothing ‘more’ going on between those two, why is all of that even necessary??? Those two’s interactions on camera just make the rest of the group nervous, especially RM. Ask yourself the question: why??

Another thing I keep asking myself is, if these two are clearly super close, why is there a constant need to downplay their closeness? This is something that is done by BTS and BH as well as the fandom. And I find it hard to understand, again, if there is nothing extra going on between them, why downplay them. You may disagree with me on this, but to me it seems they are way closer than JM & Tae, but they are called ‘soulmates’ while JK & JM are ‘nothing’? It’s like they are there, and it’s clear as day just how close they are, but it’s not a subject they are allowed to talk about. And the way the fandom is as much as ignoring it also raises so many questions for me. If this is an innocent platonic close friendship, why ignore it? How come the fandom isn’t celebrating it?

Thing is, that not only does the fandom ignore their connection, they are being hated for it. The level of anti and hatred out there towards them is unbelievable. And yet again, that raises the question of why? If nothing is going on there why such anti towards those two, together, in particular?

At the end of the day, I guess life experience is probably what helps me out here. I have been around for a while, experienced love and heartbreak, and also a long term relationship. I know the signs, you could say. It helps being able to assess a situation and read into it.

It’s ok to question yourself. I do so constantly. I watch and re-watch content. I read interviews, I question my logic, my conclusions. I, just like any normal person, do have self doubt at times. Believe me, I would not have written what I have before checking and re-checking myself. And still, these are my conclusions. I believe that JK & JM are not only super close, but also romantically involved. There you have it.

#Jungkook #Jimin #JK #JM #Jikook #Kookmin #BTS #Jikook are real

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sk-lumen · 5 years

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How to Get (and Keep) Your Life Together 101

Here’s a quick masterlist of all the tips, hacks and advice that stuck with me from reading so many articles, videos and research. Feel free to ask me any questions, or add tips of your own. 💜

Hydration: Make sure every day you stay hydrated by drinking plenty of water, green tea, black tea. You see this everywhere but it’s true. Just drinking water wil do wonders for your skin and your overall body health.

Nutrition: Maintain a healthy diet by letting go of toxic “restrictive” diet culture and realizing that food is sacred fuel for your sacred body, so offer your body the best! Eat lots of vegetables, fruits, nuts and seeds; lots of wholefoods. Incorporate smoothies into your mornings for extra dose of vitamins. Practice mindful, conscious eating, be there in the moment when you are eating, taste the food, enjoy the experience of it. Meditate over your relationship with food and try to work through any unhealthy beliefs.

Exercise: Pick one or multiple forms of exercise that suits your schedule, lifestyle and personality; whether it’s jogging twice a week, going to the gym daily or even just a fresh walk every evening. Pick what is suitable for YOU and keep it part of your life. DYI your own gym routine or hire a trainer; train at home or in the gym; whatever works best for you.

Growth Mindset: Maintain a positive mindset that is always open and curious to learning new things, trying new skills and ever willing to improve itself. Redirect your attention from drama, gossip and toxic comparison beliefs to healthy ones; unfollow accounts online or delete all your social media if that’s what you need. Recreate yourself if that’s what you want. Focus on YOUR growth! Make a habit of reading new books, watching TedTalks, documentaries, etc. Look at educating yourself as a way to invest in yourself, a way to honor yourself. Maintain curiosity in your heart for the ways of the universe. Stay humble and graceful in the face of adversity, but never give up on your dreams, failed attempts are only lessons for improvement and the only true failure is giving up. As long as you keep going you’re still winning. Bonus tip: comparison is self harm, and a denial of your own power; so remember that nobody can be you and that’s a good thing. You can only be you, so make it count and honor yourself!

Relationships: Don’t cling to relationships and don’t be afraid to lose people. Be your authentic self at all times, and do not be afraid to intimidate people or be too much! Those that matter don’t mind, and those that mind don’t matter. Know that the friends/partners that are meant for you, will stay or will find their way back to you. Be mindful of the dynamic in a relationship, and be self-loving enough to walk away from what is toxic, unhealthy, restrictive, disrespectful, etc. Forgive those that wronged you, but tolerate no mistreatment; you can forgive them from afar, but make sure they’re no longer a part of your life.

Focus & Goals: Keep a journal and as frequently as you can, write down bullet lists of to do lists, goals, dreams, daily reflections, aspects of yourself to improve upon, positive affirmations, wishlist etc. - in other words, brainstorm all the things whirling around in your head regarding your own life. Remember all those things you’ve wanted to do? Bucketlists, reminders, curiosities, etc? Keeping a journal, staying focused on your goals, checking progress and practicing positive affirmations will transform your life.

Fashion: Elevate your wardrobe to a whole other level by sitting down and figuring out what your style actually is. Play around in your journal by creating a collage of your favorite colors, textures, patterns, styles, outfit combos and accessories. Mix and match, figure out what your aesthetic is. Refine, polish, remove what doesn’t click. (You can find a bunch of videos on YT for organizing clothes and being effortlessly fashionable/put together.) When you reorganize your wardrobe according to the above, you can easily mix and match anything because your wardrobe makes sense and it’s already planned out. Bonus tip: do your laundry the same day every week (ie. Saturday) and do a wardrobe prep on Sundays for the upcoming week; so that at any moment you can be ready in five minutes looking perfectly polished, and avoid the whole ordeal of being stressed/rushed and not knowing what to wear.

Skincare and haircare: Golden advice - invest in natural products/oils/ingredients instead of investing in brands. Why? Because otherwise you’re paying for a concept instead of actual health benefits for your body. Try natural soaps, oils (shea butter, coconut oil, argan, avocado, jojoba, rosehip, etc), and water extracts (rosewater, hazelwater) for toner. Coconut oil and argan oil is particularly famed for hairgrowth and shine. Castor oil as well helps hairgrowth, including for brows or lashes. Rosehip and shea heal discolorations, scars and marks. Do your research and try out what fits you, your skin will thank you later. I’ve been using natural products & oils for 9+ years and people always compliment how clear, smooth & glowy my skin is. Bonus tip: if you don’t use sunscreen already, try to incorporate it into your routine; just make sure it has gentle, non-harmful ingredients (for both yourself and the environment.

Etiquette, manners, poise, posture: Watch videos, read books or listen to audiobooks about confidence, proper etiquette, leadership skills, how to make people listen when you speak, etc. There are things which are so intuitive, obvious and logical, and yet simply becoming aware of them and having the science of it explained will transform your perspective (and the way you carry yourself).

Finances: Perform a monthly financial review to make sure you know where you are, what your budget is. Make a plan for backup funds, or savings for travels, or new tattoos, or a house, or whatever you want. It doesn’t have to be complicated, you can keep things simple by listing your expenses in five categories (Necessities, groceries, luxury, savings, free/remaining funds). Keep track of your expenses or habits, there are even apps that show statistics or analysis for easy use. The point here is to stay on top of your own finances: know how much are the monthly necessities (rent/mortgage/etc), know what has been payed and keeping receipts, knowing when things need to be paid, etc.

Integrity: This means knowing yourself, having standards, knowing what your boundaries are, what you are willing and not willing to do. When you know yourself and know your worth, you won’t ever tolerate or accept anything less. Know what your principles, values, beliefs are and hold them firmly because it is what you stand for. At the same time, it is important to keep an open mind to growth and improvement, but not so much that any persuasive argument will change your mind. Hold your own, but be gracious to other perspectives. And through it all remember - only you know what’s right for you, what’s best for you. Literally nobody else but you can know what’s in your best interest!

Efficiency & Improvement: This ties in with growth mindset but in a more practical way; make sure that you’re always leaving open space for improvement in your life, don’t ever just settle down/get stuck/let yourself sink into complacency. Know that you can always change anything! Make a habit of frequently reviewing aspects of your life (ex. via journaling) to see whether there’s anything you can make more easy, more efficient. Instead of spending hours grocery shopping, check out shops online where your favorite products can be home delivered in a snap. Instead of driving to a vet for your pet, have a call in. Setting up recurring payments for finances also counts. Literally any process or activity whereby you can automatize a service, delivery, payment, etc. will help you in the long run, so you can focus more on enjoying life, instead of wasting time with Trivial Adult Things.

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arvinsescape · 3 years

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for the musical.ly thing, you could either do tiktok where reader and tom make some with the boys (tuwaine, harry, or haz) or by themselves; like pranks or dances or musical.ly (you can look it up on yt ‘tom holland musical.ly) where reader teases tom for his weird videos- if this doesn’t make sense them just ignore it no pressure 💞

A/N: Sorry this took me so long to reply to, I’ve been at work so I haven’t had much time to reply to requests, but I eventually got there, I had fun writing this! I went with Tik Tok, I hope that’s okay and I hope you enjoy! Thank you so much for your patience!💕

Warnings: Swearing. One suggestive comment.

My requests are currently closed.

Tik Tok had become something of great entertainment throughout the pandemic, being stuck in the house all day every day meant you all needed to find something to do. Fans loved the fact that the boys were active on social media and finding yours and Tuwaine’s Tik Tok accounts had been their highlight. You took part in so many trends that created hours of entertainment for the online community.

“Oh my god, Y/N! Come here!” You heard Tuwaine shout from the living room.

“No Y/N, don’t.” Tom shouted, curiosity instantly piqued you made your way into the living room where you found Tom and Tuwaine fighting over the TV remote, Harry had his phone in hand.

“Change it.” Tom shouted as he dived at Tuwaine who easily moved out of the way. With furrowed brows your eyes travelled to the TV before a grin spread across your face.

Playing on the TV was Tom’s lip sync battle. Tom was always washed with a wave of embarrassment when it came on or people reminded him of it. You laughed as Harry caught everything on camera. Before you could make a comment a slight squeal left your lips as Tom picked you up and threw you over his shoulder.

“I hate you guys, I really do.” Tom said as he made his way out of the living room, you over his shoulder as you laughed at his embarrassed state.

Tuwaine had set up the camera outside, they were doing a series of golf related tricks whilst you had taken refuge from the hot sun in yours and Tom’s bedroom.

“Bet you can’t get it over the roof.” Harrison challenged Tom and Tom grinned.

“Challenge accepted.” Tom said with a confident grin.

The boys watched in anticipation as Tom swung his golf club at the ball, they all followed the ball and their faces dropped as they watched it fly straight through Tom’s bedroom window.

“Oh shit.” Tom grumbled and Harrison fought off a smirk, he was counting down the seconds before you appeared.

“What the fuck?” You said as you opened the bedroom window to shout at the boys. “Whoever did that gave me a heart attack.” You shouted down and Tom instantly dropped his golf club.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I wasn’t aiming for the window.” Tom shouted back and Harrison burst out laughing.

“What the hell were you aiming for?” You shouted back bewildered.

“I was trying to get it over the roof.” He answered.

“What on earth did you think was going to happen? You absolute idiot.” You shouted as you shut the window, Tom looked guilty as sin.

“I think I may have some grovelling to do.” He said and Harrison was almost on the floor laughing so much. “She’s pissed.” Tom mumbled as he made his way into the house.

“Try and keep your grovelling down, yeah?” Tuwaine teased and Tom gave him the finger.

“Y/N, do this Tik Tok prank with me?” Harrison asked as he flopped down on the bed next to you.

“Which one?” You asked as Harrison showed you the video. “He’ll have a heart attack.” You laughed as you watched the video and Harrison grinned.

“Get him back for the other day.” He suggested and a mischievous grin spread across your face as you nodded in agreement.

Harrison set up the video to record as you slipped underneath your shared bed, Harrison gave you a thumbs up as he shouted Tom, telling him you needed something. Within seconds Tom was in your bedroom.

“Princess?” He asked, completely dumbfounded as to your whereabouts. “Harrison, I thought-“ He began before he was cut short as you threw a slipper into the middle of the room. He gasped slightly as bent down to pick it up. “Y/N/N, sweetheart, you in here?” He shouted and you stifled a laugh.

He carefully made his way towards the bed, slipper still in hand. ‘Bingo’ you thought as his foot came into grabbing distance, your hand shooting out as you gripped his ankle. He quite literally screamed as he jumped up onto the bed, slipper flying across the room.

“Harrison!” Tom shouted. “Harrison, there’s something in our room.” He shouted again and you burst into a fit of giggles from under the bed, you heard Tom let out a huff. “You’ve got to be fucking joking.” He let out, head appearing to look at you. “What the hell?” He asked and you only laughed harder.

“That’s for the golf ball the other day.” You got out in between your giggles and he grinned at you before removing his head, he disappeared and you wondered where he’d gone until you felt hands around your ankles and you were pulled from underneath the bed.

“Tom!” You squeaked as he laughed, turning you over so you were on your back, straddling you. “Don’t you dare.” You warned, knowing what he was going to do.

“What?” He asked innocently as he tip toed his fingers up your sides.

“Do not tickle me or I swear to-“ You were cut off as his fingers reached your neck and he began tickling you, causing a fit of giggles to erupt from your chest.

Harry was making dinner and you had a brilliant idea, based on a Tik Tok you’d seen earlier that week. He turned the cooker on to start heating the oil and as soon as he turned his back you turned it off. He turned around, chicken in hand and looked confused at the cooker.

“I swear I just turned this on.” He said, eyebrows furrowed and you only shrugged, keeping a straight face. He shrugged as he turned it back on, turning again to grab something else and yet again you turned it back off.

“Right, what the fuck is going on?” He said as he saw it was off again. “You saw me turn that on right?” He asked and you shrugged again.

“Wasn’t paying attention.” You said as he turned it back on, brows furrowed. You engaged in some small talk as you stood next to him, hand reaching over as he was speaking turning the cooker off right in front of him. He was so invested in his story that he just turned it back on and carried on.

This happened three more times before he snapped.

“Excuse me. I’m trying to cook.” He said and you bit your lip to stifle a laugh as you reached over to turn it off again, Harry landing a light slap to your hand before you could reach it. “Stop it.” He said and you laughed, he furrowed his brows before it clicked and he let out a sigh. “Fucking Tik Tok.” He mumbled as you laughed.

Tik Tok was fun and you did a plethora of different things that were then uploaded onto the app, pranking Harry and Tom became yours, Tuwaine’s and Harrisons favourite thing to do, mostly because of how quickly they lost their temper at things. To say your quarantine was filled with entertainment was an understatement.

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland blurb #tom holland x y/n

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scarareg · 2 years

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ATYD-First year review

So,after a long time,I am reading it in audiobook, it is in YT! First of all,if you are here to read praises and someone fangirling , this is not for you, except if you are fine with me criticising it,maybe not in flattering way,then we will be fine. With that clear,let's start!

The last year I stumbled with this video by Quinn Curio titled "Uh,Rowling Why Does Slytherin Still Exist",link here if you want to watch it I highly recommend it,where she talks about how the fandom does "filthy fandom propaganda" trying to rehabilitate Slytherin and doing post that,if it's the way how you got into reading the books,you probably will be disappointed. So I thought,is that real? Does people feel like that because the fandom? Well....now I am feeling that way about this fic.

The fandom has talked about how it "fits perfectly canon","the characters and characterization are brilliant","the ultimate HP fic", if you are a Marauders fan of course,and no ,it is not. Literally the second paragraph of the first chapter and already things are waaay far away from canon,but lets break down this in parts ,shall we?

Remus Lupin

Oh boy,where to start. I truly believe that if you ask someone who's only read the books and know nothing about this fic to guess which character you are describing telling them how Remus acts and reacts,they will never guess it.

Remus here is angry all the time,reacts punching whoever makes him mad or feel inferior. He has done this to Snape and Sirius,thing that is out of character. Remus in the books/movies is calm,collected ,empathic,the wiser and grew up faster because of his circumstances, but that's the thing,in ATYD his life was completely changed from the books.

In the books both his parents are alive while he was in Hogwarts . Dumbledore went himself to their house, to tell him that he is going to help them so Remus could attend Hogwarts with no problem,he always showed sympathy for his situation .

Here his father committed suicide after he was bitten and her mother abandoned him ,now he is living in St Mungo's with a bunch of bullies and a horrible caretaker. Of course he will be mad, but that is not the Remus of the books!

I think that his back story is sad enough as it is. To be part of a found family you do not need necessarily to be an orphan,just a little lonely or feel that you may not fit,or maybe you are like James,helping others to cope or get out of their situation ! And if you can not write a compelling character without a sad backstory probably you are not so good of a writer.

In the fic, is his idea to make a map,but he is really jealous of it,do not wanting to share it with anyone and only way in which he accepts to share the idea with the other marauders is when they said that his name will be first in the map . To me that is so out of character.

He is also dyslexic for some reason,and can not read. I do not even know why is this a thing. It feels like the author wants to put drama above drama and it's feels like it's too much.

And please,do not tell me that it is because Taylor Swift was in a bad time of her life and she wrote it.

Sirius and Jamie

First of all, want to say that I am a big fan of the idea of James and Peter being childhood besfriends (and Marlene) buuut if this is the fic that fits perfectly in canon it makes no sense.

They met at Hogwarts.

We know how Sirius and James met for the first time. It was that because- destiny,coincidence or the universe decided that this two are soulmates and should met-both sat in the same compartment in the Hogwarts Express,there they met Lily and Snape. They talked about houses and had a fight with Severus (to no one surprise) about Gryffindor vs Slytherin ,making Snape leave angry and that is the moment that made Lily to dislike them. She thought of them as jerks and full of themselves.

Remus and Peter met in the train as well,and the four become besties until they arrived to Hogwarts,we do not know if it was before and after the sorting ceremony

So I do not know why here Snape had a discussion but with Remus (?) ,and when he and Lily were leaving James and Peter entered the compartment ,meeting Remus. The three of them befriend Sirius until they arrived to Hogwarts.

So far I like their characters,but Remus has not interact enough because he is lonely and angry most of the time

Peter

Am I the only one that finds extremely uncomfortable how everyone treats him? They were supposed to be best friends,to trust and like him. You can not betray someone if you never had their trust to begin with!

Everytime they refer to him is to call him an idiot,slow ,clumsy or less than average. Peter,in canon,is a talented af wizard ,wether you like it or not.

At age 15 he became an animagus,is a HC that he needed help from his friends because he was useless. He found Voldy,brought him back to life,he outsmart all his friends successfully blaming Sirius for the Potters deaths,and no one,not even Albus,knew the truth

And he supposed to suck because most Pettigrews are squibs. Rubbish! Jamie is the only person who does not insults him everything he speaks,Jamie is kind ,that is why I like him here.

Black Family

Something that is extremely weird to me is that his cousins are attending Hogwarts. Narcissa was in her sixth year of Hogwarts when Sirius arrived,and Cissy is the youngest of the three,so I genuinely do not know what is Bella doing there! I am guessing that Andy quit school or something because she is the middle sister,so where is she? Is weird!

I am just starting the second year but I do not like that Sirius is supposed to marry Cissy,like whaaat?

I am starting to think that this fic is one of the reasons why this fandom is so obsessed with angst at the same time that they complain about it,like if it wasn't them who create the fics/hcs and could write a happy ending. Also,it may be part of the reason why this side of the fandom hates Albus.

Things that I like ,by far,are Sirius and Regulus relationship. It makes sense that Sirius would like to hang out with Regulus but at the same time is awkward and Reggie thinks that he should stay away and hate his brother's friends,especially the Potter

I like that Frank is older than them and a headboy.

Remus learning more about werewolf is nice,and his interactions with Pomfrey are cute

If you like this fic,please tell me why,I am genuinely interested! I want to know your perspective. Not sure if I will keep reading it,I want to read something about the Marauders and this while I am drawing it's fine/fun. Let's see in the future.

#ATYD negativity #The Marauders #James Fleamont Potter #Sirius Orion Black #Remus Lupin #Peter Pettigre #Harry Potter

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epiclevelup · 3 years

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2021 Reflection + 2022 Goals

While I started this blog in 2021 (or was it 2020?) I haven't been active on it, nor have I made much progress in my level up journey.

Still, in this post I'd like to reflect on the steps I did make, and what I'm planning for this new year.

Starting with the outside:

Hair

More expensive products ARE worth it and yes, that includes shampoos

Conditioner is key, lots and lots of it

Also, leaving in a nice 100% natural oil for a few hours (or overnight) before washing will really help with shine and softness

Protective hairstyles for sleeping help, but are not quite enough for me. I'll be trying silk bonnets and pillowcases this year to see if that helps more.

Skin

Consistency is the most important element in your skincare regime

The Ordinary Niacinamide + Zinc serum might be the second most important

A nice, gentle cleanser is also essential. CeraVe hydrating one is my personal favorite at the moment.

Top this all off with a nice moisturizer and an occasional BHA or AHA mask, and you are all set up for great skin.

Body

Naturally, I have a pretty good shape. I learned to appreciate it more.

Body hair removal is still driving me crazy. I learned to accept not being perfectly hairless a bit more as well.

Neutral colours are great. Light, muted colours look best on me.

Style

Clothes should always fit your body NOW. Also, buy it only if you think it makes you look great, not if the garment itself looks great.

Finding your personal style is hard. Pinterest can help. Money is always an obstacle tho.

I really need something to iron my clothes.

Study

I cannot study in my room, and it's difficult to study around people I know. Hence the library would be best.

I can study well and long, and I do enjoy studying while I'm at it. Getting myself to start is the hardest part.

It always takes more time than I think. Always.

I still have no idea what I want to study, and what I find interesting.

Work

Sales roles are not for me. Nor roles where I have to communicate a lot.

Finding internships is really hard. More self-initiative could help.

Other

Just because you want something, it doesn't mean it's necessarily good for you to get it. Learning to let go and set boundaries would help.

I don't know myself as well as I always assumed. A lot more introspection is needed.

My insecurity in regards to the way I look, made me really bitter and jealous this year, especially towards pretty women. I am all for supporting and raising other women up, so this is something that I really need to work on .

Better time management. I need this.

Also, learning to budget. Starting to invest. Learning about taxes, money, finance and economics is a must.

Relationships are really hard. Being vulnerable is very exposing. Confort kills.

Now, that said, I want to work on my 2022 goals. Normally, I focus on setting a few, more general goals. I find that this makes it hard to track progress and determine if I succeeded or not. Therefore this year I want to set a lot of smaller goals, bucket list style.

My 2022 Goals:

Visit Budapest

Visit Vienna

Get into a nice Master programme

Re-learn to wake up early. 7 the latest

Work out at least 4 times a week

Take the economics course on MasterClass

Finish Behave (the book) and the YT lectures

Make a portrait

Read a book in French

Read a poetry book

Read Richard II

Have an internship

Save at least 300 euros (25 euros a month) and set up a savings account

Take an investment course

Learn about taxes in Europe (in the countries I'm considering to live in)

Finish the Google online course

Refresh and advance my Python course

Become good with R studio

Write 5 poetries

Eat healthier and plan my meals

Figure out a way to have my hair always look on point

Go to a theater play

Read 12+ books (at least one every month)

Start and finish a project

Get a magazine/newspaper membership

Improve my public speaking

Improve my posture

Learn more about etiquette

Learn to cook a fancy meal (4-course: starters, first course, second course, dessert)

Get one elegant, durable and high quality bag.

Keep my shoes clean and nice looking.

Fix my coats.

Learn more about contemporary art and artists, and interior design.

2 notes · View notes

fullsunalicia · 4 years

Note

oh could you please write like a soulmate au for chenle? i just watched this video on yt 'chenle is an angel' and honestly its giving me major chenle feels because hes so sweet and caring and cUTE?? if its not a bother and if you arent busy hehe

pinky promise — ZCL

a long time ago, long before the symbols on your wrists appeared, chenle gave you a promise. no matter what, he’ll love you forever, whether that’s going to be in a familial sense or romantic. you would never have thought that chenle would break it.

soulmate au — when you turn eighteen, a symbol will appear on your wrist that matches the one your soulmate has.

gladly bubs! honestly this is chenle’s era, look at him go,,,, i love him so much sigh

Promises are sacred. In this friendship, they’re not shallow words that are easily spoken. Whenever Chenle and you lock pinkies, the next thing that’s going to be promised is of utmost importance.

“I promise to tell you the truth.”

“I promise to take care of myself.”

“I promise to love you forever.”

Your eighteenth birthday is supposed to be a day you get excited for, and not a day you dread. Yet, you’re the one who’s going to lock herself into the room for the next seven days, and if you want to cry on your birthday, you will do it.

Zhong Chenle has broken his word, and your heart with it.

❀ ❀ ❀

You met Chenle in kindergarten. Rosy-cheeked and a big grin on his lips, he had offered to push you on the swings. He always made sure you didn’t fall, and when you did, Chenle was always the fastest to grab some bandaids. At that age, boys tended to be disgusted by the other gender, but Chenle had always treasured you as much as any other friend. You shared sweets with him, and you already began exchanging birthday presents at age seven. Toys turned into handwritten letters and bracelets you made yourself, and flowers were replaced with real jewelry Chenle bought you with his pocket money.

At age thirteen, you bought him a proper bracelet, not one you made yourself. It wasn’t much and couldn’t compare to the ones Chenle always got for you, since your family didn’t earn as much as he did, but when you told him that you saved up your pocket money and even helped around in the neighborhood to gain some, he had burst into tears and held you close for the longest time.

It was the first and last time you ever saw Zhong Chenle cry.

He was not the type of child to spill tears; always happy, constantly loud. His good mood radiates and affects every person around him. It’s funny to watch him panic when you start bawling, since you’re a big crybaby and Chenle is a stone when it comes to feeling upset. He just doesn’t see any reason to do it. If something upsets him, he works on it.

Tears don’t get you far in life. It’s what Chenle was taught, drilled into his head since he first stood on his own two legs. Even now when the stress bursts open his temples and weighs on him as heavy as an anchor, he’s just unable to do it. He clutches to you like his own personal life ring, fingers leaving scratch marks on your arms and back as he tries to get a grip on reality. Never once do tears pool in his eyes. It’s just not him.

At age sixteen, Chenle bought you roses. He was just a little older than you, barely being able to call himself that with the few months he’s got on you. You’re younger than your shared friend Jisung, but it’s not fair he plays the ‘respect your elders’-card every time you get cheeky with him. On that day though, Chenle had given you the roses and held your hands tightly, his face unusually serious, almost scary.

“You’re younger than me, so I have to protect you. I have to show you how a boy should treat you so you’ll never let anyone trample over you.”

Pinkies interlocked, Chenle promised to never let anyone hurt you. He started showering you with presents and bouquets, even though you begged him not to waste any money on you. Your words fall on deaf ears - he doesn’t accept the ‘your friendship is the biggest present’. He has to show you. Windows are left open in the middle of the night so Chenle can climb in, because you don’t want to be alone. When your parents start fighting, he starts taking you out to do all the things they usually don’t allow you. Stay out until the sun rises. Skip town and go to a fair. Go on your first party and get a taste of alcohol, but only this sip - Chenle still deems you too young.

You don’t know when your friendship had shifted into something more, but there comes a time where Chenle stops looking at you as his baby that he has to protect and starts recognizing you’re becoming a woman. Hands start hindering you from getting to your first date; he claims your boy is nothing but trouble. Cute outfits are snatched out of your hands just so he can pull his own hoodie over your frame, because “it’ll be cold outside and I don’t want you to get sick”. Chenle stops making his friends sit on each other’s lap in a full car so you have a seat for your own and begins sitting you down on his own lap, legs spread, hands on your waist.

When you look Chenle into the eyes, you don’t see the innocent toddler that used to put Spongebob bandaids on your nose, but a grown man. Chenle, who fills out his baby face features. You still pinch his cheeks, but it’s not the same when both cheekbones and jawline are sharper than in your childhood days. Veiny, big hands that cover your own. He even thinks about going to a fitness center, but you can hinder him from that by luring him with cuddles.

The moment this boy - or man, whatever - starts gaining muscles, you’re seriously going to lose it. You have to postpone that for as long as you can. There’s still that selfish wish inside you that craves for Chenle to stay the friend you made in kindergarten, with a soft tummy and dimply cheeks. It’s childish, but you don’t want him to grow up and be noticed by even more fans who will for sure fall in love with him.

Of course you’re happy for him. You attended lots of showcases and concerts, and Chenle always laughs and says you’re the loudest one to scream. Every album is bought yourself, no matter how much he wants do it for you. Very often, you end up going with his parents to support him at an event. It seems like with every comeback, Chenle drifts out of your hold.

Age seventeen, Chenle makes you a promise that changes your friendship forever.

Surrounded by several plates of sweet and sour pork, dumplings and spring rolls, Chenle and you are seated on the ground inside your room. The window’s wide open, the nightly breeze making you shudder every once in a while. In the past few weeks, he’s been busy preparing for a comeback, and had practically jumped at the chance to have a free day. As soon as he had told you about it, you grabbed your keys, gotten some takeout and took the bus to his place. With a big grin, Chenle shared some information with you about the music video(even though he was technically not allowed to), going so far to ask you to only look at him during the music video or he’ll get jealous.

You rolled your eyes at that, but he was only halfly joking. Not that you knew that.

“How’s school going?”

You sigh. “Sucks without you, of course.” Chopsticks clatter on your plate as you let go and lay back, looking for comfort in the blanket your best friend had given you. He’s got the best view of the house - the city’s skyline is clearly seen even from your seat on the ground, the pale moonlight filling his room with a ghostly ambience. Outside, you can still hear people chattering away, even though it’s late in the evening. “But atleast I don’t have to worry about exams anymore. We’re all just waiting for summer break. It sucks to be stuck in a classroom when it’s a thousand degrees outside and we’re not even doing anything productive. Why would I go to school to watch a movie?”

“Be patient, you big baby,” Chenle giggles. He stuffs his mouth with a dumpling and follows your gaze, before he looks at your face again. You may not notice it, but Chenle stares at you often. There’s something so angelic about your features, the soft slope of your throat ... When he closes his eyes, he can vividly picture you. You’re unforgettable. Born out of stardust and sunlight, you are the single most beautiful thing Chenle has ever laid eyes on.

No money in the world would ever be enough to match your worth. That’s why he will treasure you forever. It’s a silent promise, the only one he never speaks aloud.

A yawn tumbles from your lips, and you wrap yourself tighter into the blankets. Why cuddle the blanket when you can cuddle him? “Whatever,” you mumble, unknowingly answering the question he posed in his mind. “I just want to get the hell out of school and visit the ocean again.”

“You want to visit your grandmother?”

You hum. “Yeah. It’s been so long since we last went. I didn’t even get to swim that day.”

Chenle remembers. It was cold and the wind was freezing up your cheeks, almost hurtful to the touch as he had pressed his hands against them. You shared a picnic there, but your mother forbade you from entering the water. That day, he had discovered that you’re even pretty when you pout. He clears his throat. “I’ll take you,” he says then.

His heart jumps in the most lovely way when you reach for his hand. He mimics you, gripping it tightly as he inches closer to your tired body and presses your hands against his cheek. Even though the darkness casts shadows over your pretty face, the dim light makes your eyes shine like jewels. “You’re busy,” you remind him, but there’s a big, grateful smile on your lips as you take in the view infront of you. Does he make your heart skip like you do to him? What galaxies do you find in his eyes? “You can take me when you’re not busy promoting another album. I’ll go with my cousins this summer.”

“Let me take you,” he complains, but Chenle knows just as much as you that he won’t be able to. When you pull him closer, his fingers move on instinct to untangle the blankets enveloping your body so he can pull it against his own. You’re frail and precious, but that doesn’t stop him from holding you as tightly as humanly possible. When your hands bury themselves in his dyed hair, his eyes slip closed.

In moments like these, he can pretend you’re his and he’s yours and there’s not a worry in the world. Someday though, you’re going to find your soulmate and leave him forever. And he can’t even get mad about it; how could he get mad over something that makes you happy, when it’s all he wants in life?

“(y/n).” Chenle breaks free of your embrace and holds up your hand so he can lock pinkies. You follow his quick movement with your eyes, suprised about his sudden actions. “I want to promise you something.”

“Hear, hear.” You’re joking, but there’s just a slight hint of nervousity hiding in your voice. He doesn’t have the time to ponder over that.

Chenle looks you in the eyes and sees the woman he wants to marry someday. The woman he’s never going to have. “(l/n) (y/n), I promise to love you forever.”

❀ ❀ ❀

You had left Chenle’s house that evening with thousands of questions swarming your mind. After he promised you, he returned to finishing his dinner and even offered to take you home, but you had needed the fresh air and alone time to think about what he said. Why would he say something like that, when his soulmate mark already appeared? Does he want to break your heart that badly?

A summer at the seaside will help clear your head. It’s not like Chenle confessed to you - in a way, it was just like any other promise he’d made you. This isn’t the first time where he had been overly affectionate with you. You’re reminded of the last summer where Chenle was so hellbent of proving you how a real boyfriend should treat you, and you almost want to start crying again.

What guy that was in love with you would show you how another guy should do that?

When Chenle comes to help you pack your bags for Busan, he never mentions the promise. Like always, he makes fun of you and your bad habits, since you tend to pack last-minute every time. Your grandmother would be disappointed Chenle wouldn’t accompany you both, but it’s not like you can tell the guy “hey, stop being an idol for once and come chill with my grandma”.

It’s a four-hour-drive by train. Chenle insists on buying you snacks while you wait for said train to arrive at the station, and your best friend returns just before your transportation means arrive. “I’m going to miss you,” he says, and you wish he wouldn’t say that. It tugs at your heartstrings, since they’re tied around Chenle’s mere existence. Every step away you take away from him hurts. You don’t want to go without him.

But you don’t say that. Instead, you tell him: “I’ll miss you, too. I’ll show grandma your music video.”

“You better - she’s my biggest fan.” Chenle hooks an arm around your waist and pulls you close. You want to scold him not to do that in public, but his lips are already on your cheek. It’s a pretty quick way to shut you up, and he enjoys the way you blush. Unbothered, Chenle lets go and stuffs your bagpack with the many gummybears and chips he bought. “Text me when you’re there. I don’t want to find out over the news that you turned into a zombie.”

“Please leave the corny jokes to Jeno, Chenle.”

That makes him laugh. He grips your hands for a last time. When he offers you his cheek, you can’t help yourself, leaning forward to leave a peck there on instinct. It hurts. But you stay quiet.

“See you soon, (y/n)ie.”

❀ ❀ ❀

What a blatant lie.

When you reach Busan, several trends are already taken up by Chenle and the most recent scandal. You should’ve known. No, you knew you should have stopped him, and yet you selfishly decided against it because you did everything for just a slither of his attention. The place where his lips had met your skin still tingles, the effect not numbed by the tears running over them.

The public eats the rumors up; they’re all very excited to trash you for being close to their precious Chenle, and it doesn’t take long for his company to react. This is what you feared. This is what you’ve been trying to avoid for so long, and now it’s caught up with you.

He ignores all of your messages. Not a single call goes through. That evening, you’re contacted by his manager. He tries to formulate it as a plead, but you know it’s an order.

“Please refrain from meeting Chenle ever again. He has a dating ban until he finds his soulmate.”

The words are like a slap to the face. Your grandmother doesn’t question it when you leave the house to walk to the beach, at the very spot Chenle and you hang out at every time you’re there. There’s a bench in which Chenle carved in both your initials, and you can still hear yourself beg him not to do it because he’d hurt himself.

Of course that idiot cut himself several times. But it’s impossible to get mad at him when he smiles so sweetly at you and hugs you so tight you forget all about your worries.

He’s never going to hug you like that again.

The sea shells you find prick tears at your eyes, since they’re the same ones you used when you were younger to create the necklaces you gifted him. You shatter them inside your hand, matching the state your heart is currently in.

You curse the universe for giving you Chenle when he was never yours to begin with.

❀ ❀ ❀

Days stretch into weeks as you wait for any sign of life from Chenle. With every day that passes, the pain grows bigger, eating away at your heart and mind as you cry yourself to sleep. You tear out all of the birthday presents you’ve gotten from Chenle in plans of being rid of them forever, but it feels like such a betrayal to yourself that you end up cowering over them, violent sobs wrecking your body. You’ve never been away so long from Chenle, and it hurts. It hurts to reread the many letters and hear his voice whispering the words. Looking at pictures seems almost impossible when it feels like salt being strewn into a deep wound.

The closer your eighteenth birthday looms, the more you feel like vomitting.

You don’t want a soulmate if it’s not going to be Chenle. Your Chenle, who laughs so loud the entire street hears him. Chenle, who taught you how to play basketball despite you being so clumsy. Chenle, who composed a song on the guitar for you as a seventeenth birthday present. You’d rather die than look at anyone else the way you used to look at him.

You know hearts can’t physically break, but your chest hurts so much. With your best friend gone, it feels like someone ripped a huge piece out of it and left it to bleed out. And it feels disgusting.

In the last hours before your birthday, your thoughts keep drifting back to Chenle’s soulmate tattoo. You’ve never seen it, but you know it took him a longer while for it to appear. Usually, when the clock strikes twelve on your birthday, it’s supposed to already be there. It only takes longer when your soulmate lives far away, or you’re not the same age.

Despite rejecting the idea so much, you wonder how it’s going to be for you. You’ve seen several soulmate patters; the intricate lines connecting to form a heart on your parents’ wrists, or the balloons tied together on the skin of Chenle’s parents. Jisung’s small smiley, right over his pulse artery.

Your parents cheers flood your room as midnight signals the end of your seventeenth year of life, but the missing person is felt by everyone. Instead of Chenle, Jisung is the one to burst through the door to give you a present and a hug you desperately need.

It’s not the same. It’s not your childhood best friend of fourteen years, but you’ll take anything that eases the loss of him.

Your soulmate mark doesn’t appear until lunch, where your mother slides you a piece of cake over the table and promises to celebrate your birthday properly when she comes back from home. Your dad’s already long gone.

There’s another promise ringing inside your head while you stare at the dessert, but before you can cry over that, too, it knocks quietly at the door.

It’s unusual for your mom to forget anything. She’s very tidy, a born perfectionist. She never let you forget your school stuff on purpose, no much how you begged her to let it slide just this once. You swing open the door, ready to tease her for being forgetful, but your mouth falls open instead of speaking.

Chenle doesn’t let you recover from your shock. He pushes you inside, locking the door behind him. His hair is disheveled, his cheeks a fiery red - did he run here? “What the hell?” you gasp. “Chenle, what are you doing?”

“I ran several blocks to escape the dreamies and came here because I couldn’t stay away from you.” Your best friend topples over as he tries hard to catch his breath, and you turn to fetch him a glass of water. You’re stopped before you can make a single step, familiar arms wrapping around your middle to keep you there. How long has it been since you’ve last hugged him? You almost forgot his heavenly scent; the mixture of way too expensive perfume and chewing gum. Chenle raises his head to look you in the face. “I made you a promise, didn’t I?”

“You disobeyed your management just to show me your stupid soulmate tattoo? I don’t want to be the reason you get into trouble again...”

“Did yours appear?”

Your breath hitches. For a few seconds, you just continue looking at him, the familiar teddybear eyes that have watched you your entire life. Making sure you don’t trip. Watching you get home safely. “Yeah,” you finally whisper, and you let him hold your arm besides yours.

His fingers are trembling, almost as much as yours. You don’t dare hope, but it’s impossible to do so when Chenle is right here and your heart yearns for him so much, it almost jumps out of your chest. “(y/n),” he says. His voice is the remedy to the pain blooming inside your chest. “I gave you another promise. And I don’t intend going back on that. That’s why I’m telling you again, (y/n), that I love you with all my heart. You are in my heart, been there since the day you gave me that necklace you wasted all your money on even though I’ve got enough to cover us both. I’m so in love with you, in love with your flaws, your mistakes, everything that makes you you. I’ve loved you long before I even knew what love was. It doesn’t matter what’s on your wrist, (y/n), because I’ll love you for eternity. I’ll love you until I die and I’ll love you even after.”

And then he tugs down both of your sleeves.

Despite revealing the soulmate marks, you still look at each other for a long time, imprinting the other’s face into their minds for maybe the last time in long. You think about Chenle’s laughter and how easy it was to laugh with him. The sweet, dark chocolate brown color of his eyes, how you can look past them and right into his soul. And you think about how Chenle never cries, and yet the tears spill past the rims of his eyes to leave wet tracks over his milky pale cheeks.

The pattern matches. Several points, connected by thick lines. A star constellation. You can even name it - Cassiopeia, lover to King Cepheus, a love story written in the sky.

For a long time, you both don’t move. And then you jump straight into Chenle’s arms, you almost knock him over and make him slam his back straight into the door, but he still laughs and wraps his arms around you. You can’t breathe because of his tight embrace, but you don’t care, you don’t need to breathe when this is the single most happiest day in your life.

“I didn’t bring you a birthday present,” Chenle whispers, and you draw back to cup his face. Every single cell inside of you screams for you to kiss him, but first, you have to thank your soulmate.

“You’re the birthday present, Chenle.”

The universe’s apology comes in form of a sweet kiss, one that’s long overdue since the day Chenle sent you off to Busan. This time, you’ll return to your grandmother to introduce her to the love of your life.

#zhong chenle #nct dream #nct #zhong chenle x reader #nct dream x reader #nct x reader #zhong chenle fluff #nct dream fluff #nct fluff #zhong chenle scenarios #nct dream scenarios #nct scenarios #zhong chenle one-shot #nct dream one-shot #nct one-shot

137 notes · View notes

princeescaluswords · 4 years

Note

Hilarious seeing yt fans claiming they aren't hyping Phastos because "It's Disney! Don't get your hopes up" "the news was just released :/" Since when do they suddenly care? If it was a yt actor, they'd hype it up regardless the second the news dropped, now they claim they're being "guilted" into supporting a Black gay character 🥴 Because they WERE fully prepared to stan until learning it wasn't a white character. When has something being Disney ever stopped them before? Lol

One of the most important lessons that I ever learned when it comes to human society is the concept of "intent vs. impact." Something can be undesirable and downright damaging even though the intent was to do good or even just to have fun. It is an aspect of privilege to believe that everything you do only has the consequences you intend. It is another aspect of privilege to demand that you be free of responsibility for consequences you did not intend.

You see, I don't think Disney said "screw the non-het sexualities and the minority non-het sexualities in particular and screw the black non-het sexualities especially hard." I think that they didn't think about it at all. Disney, as a capitalistic enterprise, has the goal to make money, and long ago they lucked upon a formula which reaches that goal. Unlike others, I see nothing wrong with this. This formula talks about the double-sided blade of the power of alienation and the alienation of power. Think about Disney movies -- Cinderella, Belle, Simba, Quasimodo, etc., etc., are all about characters who are excluded and find strength to overcome that exclusion through the lessons taught in their alienation. And the villains, the Evil Stepmother, Gaston, Scar, Frollo, etc., etc., are about people possessing power whose power isolates them from others and in the end leads to their defeat. It's a good formula.

Hell, even in the MCU movies their superheroes are the same. Steve Rogers may be Captain America, but he's a man out of time, alienated by a world in which he doesn't belong and all the things he wanted but left behind. Tony Stark, love him or hate him, is isolated by his vast wealth, fame, and intelligence to the point where he can barely make contact with the world he's trying to save. And, in comparison, Thanos has become someone so powerful he thinks it fit to kill half the universe just so he could say he was right. It is a good formula.

I don't believe anyone at the Disney corporation decided that they hated homosexuals or black people or any minority and so would never apply this formula to them. Their goal is to use this formula to make money, and it's a matter of numbers and the tools to get those numbers. Diversity is a way to increase those numbers and prevent those numbers from decreasing, not a goal in itself. It's why you can't trust a capitalist enterprise to pursue cultural justice unless you force them to do so. It wasn't their intent to hurt, but it's the impact, and someone has to twist their arm until they see that. It's why they think that having a gay man talk about his boyfriend for 30 seconds is representation in a movie series that had cultural outsiders gain immeasurable power in their alienation, and one character literally warping time, space, and their own morality to get their heterosexual love interest is some form of ‘equality,’ because it seems that way to the middle-aged white male writers crafting the script. It's why I'm terribly afraid that Phastos's sexuality will be an accessory to the character, like a cool hat. Until the public forces Disney to change, they won't.

It's the same way with the fandom. There's nothing wrong with the fandom loving Tony Stark or Steve Rogers. They have the freedom to do so. It's when they allow this love of a majority character to overwhelm or replace all other opportunities, especially with other parts of the fandom loving all characters that it stops being freedom and starts being entitlement.

For example, when they refuse to accept that Tony Stark was an antagonist in Civil War. Or, after presenting their head canons for non-heterosexual Steve Rogers as some form of sublime aesthetic activism and then go "Phastos who?"

Neither of these entities, I believe, intended to exclude minorities from their major cultural phenomenon. All the excuses for why they did so are irrelevant -- they just didn't think about them at that start. And that's where the response of those minorities becomes valid. Disney and fandom may bristle at being told "hey, what you thought was simply making profit from a relatable formula is excluding subsets of the population! Hey, what you though was taking pleasure from fandom is hurting others!" but it's the only way they're going to think about it.

I truly desire that Phastos's identity isn't used as an accessory or a box-checker, but I don't have much hope.

#hollywood racism #hollywood sexism #hollywood heteronormativity

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rj019 · 4 years

Text

The characters don't belong to me. All credits to Marvel or Disney or Stan Lee idk.

So this is my first ever Tumblr Post (人*´∀｀)｡*ﾟ+

Hope you guys will like it.. I'm new to this & I might make some mistakes so I hope you guys can understand and help me throughout my journey (◍•ᴗ•◍)

_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_

Title : Genius, YouTuber, Artist, Musician and Spider-Man

Fandom : MCU

Pairing : Starker(tony stark x peter parker)

Rating : Mature (NSFW, Sexual Content)

Prompt : Social Media

Summary :

Tony started crushing on a guy who is 5 years younger than him... And You all know who that is 😉 one and only Peter Parker.

And Peter has a very famous Youtube channel since he was 6. But he always wears mask in his videos to hide his face. He often mentions his crush on Tony Stark since he was 12 in his videos.

" CHAPTER - 0 "

The notes below are for the things that happened till Peter is 20 from when I'll actually start the story. I didn't wanted to get it all mixed up. So I wrote these so you guys can understand the AU better and how everything came to be and not get confused. It explains everything about Pete's social media, everyone's ages and which part of MCU is included and which is not, and the changes in the whole storyline. So these are must read it if you want to read the actual chapters. (☆▽☆)

Notes :

Tony is 25 year old in this and Pete is 20 and they're both certified geniuses. And they are both Bisexual.

Tony's perants are alive. Pete's uncle Ben is also alive.

Howard is a good parent and husband in this fic and he himself is a Bi so congrats!! No homophobia 🤗

Howard made Tony CEO of the company when he was 22 and only took semi retirement and only went to company once in a while to keep an eye on things. Tony graduated from MIT when he was 17 and then he started helping with company 😀

So Avengers and S. H. I. E. L. D. does exist in this AU but sheild isn't publicly known nor does anyone knows Avengers' real identity that includes Tony's😉 but that was just until New York battle.

Howard and Maria obviously knew about Tony being Iron Man. Tony told them after he came from Afghanistan and created the armor. There was no way to keep it hidden from them. Like all the parents they were reluctant to accept it as it will endanger his life but the accepted it at last.

Tony was kidnapped when he was 19 and when he went to Afganistan for his first ever deal without his father. And bla bla happened and he became Ironman and then he told his father about the Arc reactor tech and told him that there are many other things that can get their company to it's peak and asked him to stop the weapon business and Howard aslo thought about it cause after all he almost lost his one and only son (told ya he is good parent it this one) and then you know what happened 🙃

Howard is alive so no Obadiah Stane.. So no IM 1 events after he came from Afghanistan happened. They hid the fact that tony has arc reactor in his chest though. And world only knew that Iron Man is getting help from SI because of the arc reactor technology in the armor but they could never expect that it's Tony Stark himself. ( yeah yeah I know not very convincing but bear with it cause its a fiction right😅)

Papper, Rhodey and Tony are best friends from childhood cause their parents are friends. So he tell them about IM too. Papper works with him at SI as secretary for few years but when Tony turns 24, He suggest his father to make her CEO and he will be working and providing for Techs and important business deals. And Howard knows his son very well and that doing office stuff ain't getting to Tony plus his IM activities. And Papper was already doing more than half of his paper and meeting work so he makes Papper CEO. And yep Papper and Tony did try relationship but it just didn't clicked so they are still friends and no awkward feelings.

From IM 2, he did get palladium poisoning but he hid it from his family and friends. He did parties and drinking (but without the armor ofcourse) and Rhodey got really angry at his behaviour and recklessness and told him that he will beat him up with his own armour. And then Nat and Fury came and all that injection stuff.. after that he told his father about it and they worked together and made the new element and saved him. After that he apologized to everyone and told the truth and even made Rhodey War Machine suit and Rhodey helped him with it at Expo. Race incident doesn't happen. But Vanko still tried to get revenge by helping Hammer. So Stark expo incident still happened with drones only, not the War Machine armour.

I'll say IM 3 doesn't happen cause we don't have that much time you know fitting all IM parts and then 2 avangers part just within 6 years is impossible 😅

So after that NY invasion happened and Avangers got formed. People didn't know who they atually were just their alter egos and that also not everyone. People were really shocked and afraid after the battle so the government decided to make shield publicly known. Not all the information but just lil bit parts here and there to ensure everyone that there were people and organisation who were ready for something big like this. But it was still not enough to make people safe.

So then Avengers decided that they'll reveal their identities so people will know that there is a group of people who are there and capable enough to save them from something like this and it worked. They did got positive response. But it was uproar it the world. And they had to deal with media and fans. When the world got to know about Tony Stark being Iron Man, SI's PR department was in chaos.

All Avengers are around 24 to 30 except for Wanda and Pietro. They are 21. But they got into team after Ultron and yep Pietro survived.

Events of Captain America and CA : Winter Soldier did happen except for Bucky killing Tony's perants part. And they are both 30. Clint doesn't have secret wife and children (sorry Laura and kids) cause he is 25. Nat is 24. Papper and Rhodes are 27. Thor looks like 28 but is 1500 as we all know. Loki looks like he is 26 and yepp he was mind controlled by Chitauri but he was at Asgard during Age Of Ultron. Sam is 23. Scott is 25 and he is divorced and has a daughter. He is in relationship. Hope is 24. Bruce is 29. (These are their ages at the starting of the 1st chapter, from when I'll actually start writing the story.)

In NY invasion only original 6 were included in Avengers Initiative and after that they lived together too, at the Stark tower which was turned into Avengers Tower. Later Shield recruited others and they trained and did mission together but didn't live with the original 6.

Then Age Of Ultron happened and Vision Wanda and Pietro also joined. At that time they decided to move to the compound Tony built for them in upstate so everyone can live there.

And time period between these all events is smaller than in movies cause you now 6 years time period ain't that long to fit 'em all.

No CW or IW or Endgame happened.

Mary & Richard unfortunately had to die in plane crash 😅 when Pete was 5 so his uncle and aunt looked after him from then.

When Peter was struggling to recover from his parents death, May got an idea to help him *tada* a youtube channel to distract him because she knew Pete liked to watch things on YT. Pete was a genius and he was great at art too and he is an obvious cinnamon roll so she knew it will be a success and Pete will be distracted too. But she didn't want her nephew's face all over the internet if he gets popular and then can't have normal life so she helped him make his videos with him wearing a mask. So here's where Pete's YouTube journey started 🤭

Peter being an adorable and telented and a genius he is, he got famous on YT over the years and got millions of subscribers and views. He even made accounts on other social medias like Insta and Twitter stuff releted to his YT when he was 12 and it was success too he posted his art and photography their. ( His art and videos do contain his fanboying stuff and crushing on Tony Stark🤭)

And yes Pete is Spider-Man. He became SM when he was 13. Same radioactive spider at oscorp stuff but without Ben dying.

Ben has his own business which is good enough to have stable and cozy life with his wife and nephew. May is house wife and she likes to do volenteer work oftenly. They have two story house with a garden and a backyard. Nither too big nor too small.

Ben has always taught Pete about responsibility and righteousness. (With great powers comes great responsibilities.) So when Peter got his powers he decided to help people by being Spider-Man and looking out for little guy. After sometime he told Ben and May about it and they were at first hesitant but then they got over it and were proud of him and supported him.

After a year, it was getting too much at the same time... being at school, managing social media and YT channel, being Spider-Man and all.

Ben and May wanted him to have normal life so even if he was a genius and could graduate early, they still wanted him to complete high school and make friends. But let's be genuine nothing in life is gonna be normal so he told them about his plan to graduate early from both school and college. And he loved his YT and social media cause it helped him so he didn't wanted to stop that and to stop being SM is out of the picture. Ben and May understood him so they allowed him.

He took this opportunity to tell his only 2 and closest friends Ned and MJ about him being SM. He trusts them alot and they didn't disappoint him and even helped him with keeping his secret identity.

So he graduated from high school early, got full scholarship to MIT.

He was fifteen when he saw Iron Man first. He and Ned became fans but Tony was still his idol and his crush. He also started making fanarts about Iron Man on his account. He liked Dr.Banner's work too. He was only 20 when he wrote his thesis about gamma radiation and his books are awesome and he has 7 PhDs by the age of 25.

Peter earned a good amount from his YT channel and he still had money his perants left so he made one of the vacant room in the house his lab after he became SM and he makes videos in his lab after that about his inventions and experiments but ofcourse nothing regarding SM. He and Ned even made a cool SM suit with AI which they named Karen. (The one from the Homecoming) He got his AI inspiration from his Idol's AI called JARVIS. (Tony made JARVIS when he was at MIT and then used him for the company and his lab and he gave an interview about it. That's how Pete knows about it. Tony used Friday for his suits and IM releted activities after he became IM but then after AOU he used Friday for everything.)

Pete's YouTube videos are about everything and anything he loves to do since he was young. When he was young it was about his lil childish science experiments with help of Ben (ofcourse till he could it on his own) or his art or baking and cooking stuff with May and all but they all always wore the different different matching masks while making videos. When he became friends with Ned and MJ, he asked them to be there too. As he got older he started showing his genius brain cells in his experiments and invention. Same goes for his art, it started getting more and more detailed and he also got interested in composing music and songs and he eurned more followers. He even made his accounts unhackable so no one try to find out who he is after he became SM. He had so many happy moments with his family and friends while making his videos, that is why he kept his YT and accounts.

Shield doesn't know who the Spider-Man is. Pete found out about them cause he sensed someone (agents) following him during one of his patrols when he was 14. So he and Ned looked into it and his mind was blown when he found the organisation and all government behind it.

He wanted to know why they were after him cause he only helped people. So they hacked into Shield. He found out that they wanted to recruit him for something called Avangers Initiative and there he saw some other people's and superheroes' information too. (He didn't look into it because he knew that if he didn't anyone want to know his identity, they must not too and he had no right. ) But he knew it was not a good idea to join it cause then he will have to work for them do their missions and he didn't wanted to do that. He wanted to look out for little guy and help whoever, he can wherever he can. Plus he would have to reveal his identity and when they'll know he is so young, they'll try to stop him from being SM plus people close to him will get in danger. And they might even want to experiment on him so it was a big fat NO.

After that he took every cautious step to protect his identity and his aunt, uncle and his friends. He made a security system for their house and made a smart bracelet to communicate or send signal to each other if they were in danger. They all had one including himself. It looked simple and no one could tell it was actually for that.

When Newyork invasion happened, he was not there. He was at MIT for his PhD. He was so damn worried about Ben, May, Ned and MJ. The moment he heard the news he left for NY but by the time he got there the fight had been finished. So he directly went to check on May and Ben. He found them safe and was revealed. Then he called Ned and MJ to check on them and their families and found everyone was ok. After that he told May and Ben that he will go out and help people from the aftermath of the battle.

He stayed in NY for 2 weeks. In which he found out about the Avengers. He and Ned were shocked at the name and that it was the same Avengers Initiative stuff they read when they hacked into the sheild and Peter felt a pinch of guilt but it disappeared when he learnt that Avengers revealed their identities. He was in no condition to reveal his identity.

He was shocked when he learnt Avengers' identities especially Iron Man. He was like "how could I not understand that it had to be Tony.. there were all those connection like SI and no one is such a genius to make that kind of Tech except for his idol. He fell in love with Tony even more but he just thought it was some kind of superhero worship and teenage crush.

After that Ned and him being the 'nerds' as MJ calls them they are, they become fanboys and started to find out more thing about Avengers. Pete started to post more fanarts of them and he even made the reaction video of how he feels about Tony Stark being Iron Man and Bruce Banner being Hulk. Both his favourite scientists. He even made a song for Avengers. Which was total hit so he made more songs in the future.

Pete graduated from MIT even earlier than his Idol Tony Stark at the age of 16. He got his PHD in Biochemical Engineering at 17 and he wanted to get more Phds in Robotics, Nenotech Engeneering study and Astrophysics. (Which he did within next 2 years.) (Pete was 16 when NY invasion happened and 19 when Ultron happened)

And then Ultron happened, it was all over the news and all but Avangers once again saved the world. Pete was happy and revealed that there were Avengers to save them from world ending dangers but there gotta be someone down on the street too. Someone to help people from criminal and other dangers which may seem little in their or government's eye like Rhino, Doc Oct, Green Goblin, lizard, electro and many more with whom he fought. And he felt that his decision to not join Avengers Initiative was right. Though Shield was still eager to find out who he is like he will let them.

And then Homecoming happened except the part with Tony. ( But Peter doesn't go to homecoming because he graduated from high school )

As for the Ferry incident he saved everyone. He held the both part of ferry with his web and his strength ( Pete is very very strong in this fic ) till his latest Nenotech bot he invented arrived and held the ferry together and mend it. (Like Iron Man did. Just that it were bots who fixed the last part too. Where Tony flys around it and mend it.)

Peter had figured out the arc reactor technology a year and half ago but he didn't wanted any one to know cause it will attract the attention of many people and he didn't wanted that. That is also the reason he doesn't use his Nenotech suit he made. ( IW one ) But now that he has used his nenobots and his tech which was even better and cheaper, he knew for sure that it's going to fireback but he thought he'll take care of it later when he is not busy trying to capture a curtain alian tech loaded weapon selling Vulture.

Next day he had asked Karen to keep and eye over everything and at night Karen informed him about some movements at some abandoned warehouse. Then the whole warehouse dropping and plane crashing thing happened. He saved the Mr.stark's tech and averages stuff and weapons.

But now he will even have more attention but he then ask Karen to clear CCTV footage around the beach so no one knows about him leaving from the scene. He can only hope now. He'll have to lay low for now and even more careful.

_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_

Hope you guys will like it. I have thought so much for this fic. It's going to be exciting writing this.

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kyunsies · 4 years

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i was tagged by my lovely lil fam @memehyungwon @pansynight @theyoungflexer ;; i love u all dearly!!!!!!

rules: answer these questions and tag 5 mutuals

1. Flowers or chocolates? flowers!!

2. Between day and night I prefer: day

3. My favorite drink: WATER (more specifically sparkling water) (even more specifically la croix or san pelligrino hehe)

4. Between sunrise and sunset, I prefer: mmm i can’t choose :( i love the sunrise bc i wake up pretty early naturally but ALSO i have a lil series here on all the sunset pics i take and they’re beautiful so :(( gotta go with both!!!

5. Between dogs and cats, I prefer: dogs, i think i’m allergic to cats LOL

6. The vegetable I hate the most: eggplant, raw onions, cucumber, cauliflower......i could go on and on i hate how picky i am kfsdfjsdfjs

7. My favorite sound: kyun’s VOICE,,,,,and maybe the ocean (even tho i’m afraid of it)

8. The first thing I notice about people: their teeth/complexion (i have crooked teeth so when someone shows me a bright smile??? love that!!!)

9. Would you prefer horror or fantasy? i love horror movies but there hasn't been a good one in a really long time (idk why collectively as a society we need to hire The Worst actors/actresses EVER for horror film ugh) so i guess i’ll say fantasy :^)

10. I’d want to be stuck in a lift with: my best friend or my teammate or someone who is strong OR all of the above together :’)

11. What city or town you’d like to live in? it’s been a dream of mine to live in chicago!!!!!! chicago has everything: beach front (lake michigan is so big you can’t even see the shoreline from across the lake so it might as well look like an ocean), the big city life, also a really nice suburban area........you literally have everything <33

12. What I value most in life: to be happy and also like, to love and be loved ;; being in love (not even romantically) with your friends and family is the best feeling in the world idk,,,,,life is so beautiful no matter how many things go wrong no matter what how lucky are we to live on earth and experience love and pain and happiness and sadness and all of life’s lil ups and downs :’)

13. If I could learn any skill, it’d be: hemming my own clothes ;; im so short i don’t fit into anything dfjskdfjsdfj but also i would love to learn how to improve cooking !!!

14. Between the beach and the mountains, I prefer: beach AND mountains its impossible to choose

15. I’d love to get married in: a church lol (call me a prude religious person) but all of my aunts had beautiful weddings in beautiful churches and :’) im not saying i want an expensive wedding or anything but!!!!! i just love weddings lol

16. My hidden talent: i can raise my eyebrow??? idk or i can do a one-handed cartwheel but that’s not really hidden i guess

17. If I could bring anyone back to life, I’d bring back: jesus, and i’m not even lying i wish the world would be a better place ;____;

18. Why? we are in SHAMBLES hehe like i know we all should learn from mistakes and all that but i think collectively as a human race we need like,,,,,,,,a big ‘ol group hug <33

19. Rainy or sunny day? sunny but!!!!! i only like rainy days when a) its not windy b) it’s not humid and c) when its just plain ‘ol RAINING like no thunderstorms or super cells that will turn into tornados idk how to express the fear i have for severe thunderstorms :(

20. Who’s the real model of your life? momma bear!!!!

21. How I relax after a hard day: watching any form of monsta x content on yt, or a recent interest is learning about korean cuisine like i follow these 2 channels on yt where these couples make homemade korean food and i just think everything looks yummy and i would like to either try it sometime or make it sometime on my own!!!!!!

22. I like the way I look: absolutely not lol

23. My most favorite facial features of myself is: ehhh maybe my eyebrows

24. My most favorite part of my body is: i don’t really seem to have a favorite body part but ill just say i have a lil mole on my ring finger and i always joke around with my friends that when i meet my soulmate and he puts a ring on my finger that mole will glow gold or something LOL DO U BELIEVE ME NOW WHEN I SAY I AM A HOPELESS ROMANTIC <33

25. If I could change anything about my body: well to start i wish i was taller LOL

26. If yes, what’s it: my height i want longer and slimmer LEGS

27. If I could change something from my past: my whole uni experience

28. How many piercing I have: 4?? two on each ear!

29. I like makeup? i like makeup but i hate what “influencers” have done with it like,,,,,,you don’t NEED the newest jeffery star palette pls go at your own pace i feel like it’s just CONSUME and then okay what’s the next hottest thing that looks like everything else on the market :’)

30. I wear make up everyday: heck no

31. My skin type is: combination in the summer but dry in the winter

32. My skin tone: tanned? i don’t have a deep chocolatey skin tone but, it just looks like i have a tan all the time

33. My hair color: dark brown

34. My height: 4′11″ so i think that’s only 149 cm lol

35. My age: 21

36. My birthday: december 4

37. My best friend: my roommate + my teammate + plus some other uni friends <33

38. I have a pet or more: none sadly :(

39. If I don’t, I’d like to adopt: YA my dream pup is a greyhound !!!

40. Video games or social media: social media i hate hate hate video games

41. I’ve visited outside my country: canada + dominican republic + jamaica + mexico but i would love to go to europe

42. I have an innocent/dirty mind: both honestly lol

43. Someone proposed to me or asked me out? nah

44. If yes, then I liked it and accepted or the opposite: nah

45. Do you follow some celebrities’ fashion: no, i thin fashion is unique to the individual so there’s no point in copying :)

46. What do you think about your fashion sense: i like it and i feel comfortable in what i wear!

47. You found someone copying your fashion: my fashion is simple so if someone dresses simple then we have the same BRAIN <33

48. Can you do your makeup properly: yes

49. You go or used to go with makeup to school: i used to in grade school/junior high bc i had really bad acne but now i dont care anymore :D

50. What color suits you best? neutral colors + cold accessories

51. Finally, how is quarantine going? it could be better but it's not terrible!! i go back to school this weekend sooooooo oof

tagging: @ckyunoirs @softhyungkyun @xphenomenon @sohcean @hohyuk and anyone else who wants to do this (and ofc feel free not to as well!!)

#tagged games #you know how long this took me?? LOL its okay these are always fun !!#i hope u are all doing well sending u lots of love and hugs <333

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handmadecp · 5 years

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‘Leaf’ Pouch, full Build along.

Hi guys, This week I’ve been busy with lots of little projects, all of which I will show on here all in good time. Also busy right now trying to go Self Employed with this which takes forever to sort out here in the uk because there ‘is’ help...but not much and what there is takes a long time to get, anyhoooo, moving on to the fun stuff. Some of you may have seen a few W.i.P’s added to keep you all up to date on whats actually going on, I hope you are enjoying the short snap shots through out the week, I thought it might grab your interest and also just to give you a quick taster of the coming blog. So here it is, the ‘Leaf’ pouch build. This build is ok to try if you are a beginner...but probably more suits people wo have had some experience with stitching, dying, cutting with a swivel knife and tooling. I am now four years into my Journey into this amazing craft but still learning new stuff all the time, so although there will be projects that may seem a bit advanced for Beginners, I will still be alternating between the ‘Beginner’ projects, intermediate and advanced ( As I learn more I will share.) So , lets get on. I First Purchased for about £3.50 (Uk) from a great Lady goes by the name of ‘Downtoearthcreations’ you can find her on Youtube she is a prolific maker and sells some great patterns and has build along tutorials I’d advise you to go have a look, I then down loaded the Pattern.

First go to Downtoearthcreations on youtube, find the Leaf bag tutorial video and the purchase this pattern, it’s not expensive and is very easy to follow.

I then cut all the pieces out as shown here and stuck them together where needed with decorators paper tape....why?...coz that’s what I had, no other reason. then Transfer the pattern shapes to the leather of your choice, I used a 2-3 mm veg tan, it takes tooling well, but just be careful, it’s not very thick, don’t press the swivell knife too hard or else it will go right through, how do I know this...guess. Well that’s not hard to guess, Yes I cut through my first one, I’ve always said I will mention successes and failures on here, it’s the only way to learn I think.

For any really ‘New’ people who maybe don’t know yet what ‘Casing’ means I’ll quickly explain, it just means ‘wetting’ the leather to a ‘certain’ point of saturation..NOT..completely saturated as you might do for wet molding, but that’s a whole other thing. so for now just wet it evenly, whenever I wet leather I usually wet it all over , even the areas that I won’t be tooling, I have learned from other more experienced folk that if you only wet the area you need, you can end up with a ‘tide’ line and the water actually does darken the leather so when you come to dye it the will be a difference in shade between the area that was wetted and the one that wasn’t. some people don’t mind it...but personally, I wet it all over, your choice. Then you have to leave it until it almost looks dry again, then it’s ready for cutting and tooling. First you need to draw your veins on the leaf, you can free hand this part if you are confident enough or trace the given pattern with a ball point stylus tool or similar to get the pattern on the leather, then, use the swivell knife to cut in your design, adding any extra veins or cuts you might like. Take a Pear shader tool as shown above and using the bigger edge..’smash’...in a controlled way...the edges of the leaf as shown above..

Here you can see how I’ve gone all around the edges and basically flattened them, also here the ‘veins’ have been cut into the leather it’s now ready to tool it. You can leave it exactly like this as it will still look great but for a little extra ‘depth’ to the design I’m tooling mine.

Here I’ve decided after several ‘Coats of Looking at’..that I wanted the veins to really stand out so made a second cut as seen here,

Once the veins are all tooled with the beveler (Number B802) I dampened it a bit more..not a lot as before because it still retains some moisture and I just want to mould it a bit not soak it. (This molding is completely different to ‘Wet Molding’ as such, as with wet moulding you are shaping pouches and bags etc...this is just a thin leaf. If you do think you have over watered it, just leave it to dry off for a while at room temprature, don’t try putting it in the oven or under the grill or using a heat gun..as you will make it solid and brittle...again..yes..I know because I’ve done just that in the past, luckily..I do learn from my mistakes. I then manipulates the leaf into a more acceptable shape, I did this several times before getting a shape that pleased me.

Look closely you will notice I added some small ‘cuts’, just my own preference, you decide what you want if making one of these yourself.

I Layed down lots of paper, got myself gloved up, had some paper towels and old cloths handy, a small tub of water and a sponge, then I got out the Gel Antique dye, made by Eco-Flo. I decided on a Dark Brown. Couple of things here if you’ve never used Gel Antique dyes...firstly get some gloves on because this stuff will dye you and take weeks of hard scrubbing to get off. secondly, this is expensive stuff..for a reason, it actually works. I love it, but you have to get a whole bunch of it on your sponge to then spread it on your piece in circular motion as fast as you can..because then you need to get off the eccess with your towels, the reason is because the antique dyes go darker the longer its on, so get it on...get it off, if not dark enough for you then repeat until it is. this stuff also buffs up really nice. A good video on YT to watch is by a guy called Chuck Dorset at Weaver Leather Craft , go watch him first if you’ve never done this before. If it all looks a bit dark when you’ve finished don’t worry, antique gel dyes can be toned down by wiping with a ‘Damp’ cloth or sponge until it is a shade you like. You also don’t want this stuff on your clothes or furniture...you have been warned ( hahahaha ). Good luck...the results are worth it.

See how it’s getting lighter as it dries out.

I Like to use a piece of Canvas cloth to buff up my projects, it almost Burnishes them as seen here. note how I’ve twisted some of the ends of the leaf points, the Lady at Backtoearthcreations taught me that neat little trick on her YT video...once again..I advise you go have a look you’ll enjoy it.

So now we need to think about the stitch holes, I’ve used quite a wide gapped stitch iron as you can see on the following pic’, this is so that when it’s stitched we get the ‘style’ that I want. keep going you’ll see at the end. First I put stitch holes in the front piece, then laid that in position and made the first four holes just to give me the opposite position. I did use a Divider to draw a line to keep my stitch holes straight if you zoom in on the next pic you can see the line, this will be hidden by the thread when finished.

I have also made a strap loop which comes with the pattern, my advice...make it slightly longer so that a 2″ belt will fit through it. it’s ok as is...if you just rivit it ‘flat’ but if you want the extra ‘look’ you get from bending the strap over as shown here it can get a bit tight...your choice. I used a couple antique brass rivits top and bottom to hold it in place. Oh..nearly forgot, by this stage I had already coated with resolene to ‘fix’ the dye, but I guess you can do it at the end too. I dyed the flap side of the pouch on the inside dark because if you twist the leaf points you can see the ‘flesh’ color, didn’t want that, but I left the inside of the front peace ‘flesh’ colored and untouched so that when searching in the pouch in bad light it helps to light the inside of the pouch a little, just another little tip I got from someone far more experienced which I’m happy to pass on to you. I would have left it all flesh colored if not for the leaf points.

I decided to use an antique brass snap stud as a fastener for this pouch, so punch the hole BEFORE you start putting it all together...it’s just easier. ( guess how I know ???...hahahaha...yup you guessed it..what can I say..I didn’t have people pointing this stuff out to me, but hopefully by sharing my mistakes it will save you from doing the same thing..)

Not everyone has a snap stud fitting machine but the hand tools are easy to learn.

Starting to look like a pouch a bit more now.

So, all the pieces are almost ready, just the Gusset to make now, I chose a soft leather in Maroon color as seen here, again I drew a line about a quarter inch in as a stitch hole guide. The gusset section is deliberately cut a bit longer than needed and will be trimmed once done.

Finally it’s time to stitch it all together, I chose a veg tan flesh colored Lace and I had to stitch it all by hand with nothing more than a scratch awl to widen the holes. ( As I didn’t have the necessary Flat Lacing needle at the time ) but I personally enjoy stitching without a needle. so, I lined up the gusset, at this point you may do well to have the ‘Down to earth’ Leaf Bag Tutorial on as she demonstrates quite well how to begin the stitch which is a little difficult for me to explain on here. Ok, so once you’ve watched how she starts the stitch off you are basically ‘away’ and just keep going to the end and tie off as shown on the YT instructional video.

Here you can see the scratch awl in my hand whilst I’m ‘gently’ pulling the Lacing tight. Use good quality lace as there’s nothing more annoying than it keep snapping when you tighten it.

Really starting to come together now, the contrast between the Maroon and the antique colors is amazing...well, to me at least. Here now you can see why I used a wide gap stitching iron for the holes, it leaves a nice gap between each stitch which adds to the over all look of the project.

Here I’m trying to show how I finished off the stitching on this side of the gusset. as I came through with the last four stitches I pulled extra thread through so I could widen them on the inside allowing me to back thread the lace as shown here, I then pulled it through and snipped it off.

Then I went back and pulled all of the four stitched tight to hold the cut off end tightly. there are more than four widened here but as you saw I threaded it through four, you can do two if you like but I felt that four would hold better.

I then just snipped the end .

I slotted it in place and ‘snapped it closed just to get an idea how it was looking and have to say I was very happy at this point.

Then it was on to side two.

Annnnd..’Voila’ one really nice Leaf Bag / Pouch suitable for every day wear if you are into that sort of thing, or Renaissance / Larping / fancy Dress / medievel / basically any kind of costume event even Steam Punk if you just added some Steam punky bits to it. Well guys there you have it another little project from our new workshop, many more still to come, I’ll keep showing little snap shots through out the week to give a taste of whats going on in the w/shop just to show what I’m getting up to. Hope you have enjoyed this build along set, also hope you have a go yourself and as always I’m free to answer any questions and always happy to receive constructive advice. I’m still not professional, still learning and still sharing it all after nearly four years...yes my little Blog will be four years old next month. Till next time then, Stay crafty and watch this space.

#leather #leathercraft #medievel #larping #costumes #bags #pouches #leaf #leaves #renaissance

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ankcna-blog · 5 years

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hello guys !! i’m blaire, and i come to you with a VERY belated greeting !! i went to a skz concert a few days ago and as you would expect my life has been flipped upside down ever since !! but now that things are calming down, i’ve got things in order and would like to introduce you to my beloved weirdo kwanchai, more commonly known as dreamdrop’s choreographer KAI ! i’ve wanted to join you all for the longest and can’t wait to have some fun now that i’m finally here ! without further ado, you can find all his links here ( more to come ) as well as some important info about him below ! and of course, like this if you want to plot ! i’ll also be joining the discord very soon, so that’ll be an option too !

background !

from bangkok, thailand ! maybe it’s because of this he’s such a city boy and loves being around people, because that’s basically been his whole life ! in bangkok there were people around nearly all the time and now that he lives in seoul, it’s no different !

like his fc, he’s ethnically chinese but his nationality is thai ! honestly he feels more of a connection to his thai side because it’s the one he’s the most familiar with, though recently he’s been trying to connect with his chinese side.

grew up around mainly girls, 3 older sisters and one younger ! his dad’s the only boy, but his parents are divorced. they still co-parented pretty functionally, though, so he mainly stayed with his mom and did weekly visits to his dad. he believes the heavy presence of females in his life is the reason he grew up to act a little more conventionally “feminine” and why he has such a high respect for women ! his sisters have always been .... v strong in comparison to him ojoijoijoij so it makes sense why !

his sister is the original dancer of the family, picking up ballet at only 5 years old ! she’s older than him so, wanting to follow in her shoes, he begged his parents to join as well !

his parents were v apprehensive at first, especially his dad, because they weren’t the most progressive and didn’t think a boy dancing ballet looed good. it took some convincing, but eventually they allowed him !

absolutely loved it, would come home dancing nearly every day. once they realized he was really enjoying himself and taking himself seriously he convinced them to add on tap and hip hop classes as well !

always been into american culture, he was always watching shows & listening to music from america, and that transferred into a general interest for the country ! so in high school, he studied abroad for a semester w / a host famiy !

this really helped his english skills and is the main reason he’s so fluent today, which definitely helps with his job ! it’s the reason he sounds less like a foreigner now when he’s speaking.

coincidentally, through america, he found an interest in korean culture ! his host family lived in california, which already was home to a lot of korean spots, but his host sibling was a kpop fan and got him into it ! so when he got back home to thailand he had gained an interest for it.

he started listening to a lot of the music, and at 17 made a very spontaneous decision to send in an audition tape to a company ! ( not noir, a smaller up-and-coming one probably ! )

he was .... incredibly shocked that he’d gotten in, but ecstatic for the chance to do what he loved ! not everyone was quite as ecstatic as him ... mainly his dad who thought his career choice was unfit for the one son of the family.

regardless, he packed up things and moved to korea, where he began to train to become an idol ! contrary to what he’d thought he kind of hated it lmao ! he had a super hard time trying to learn korean initially and didn’t deal too well with the stress of such a cutthroat environment. on top of that, he wasn’t favored by the company and they kept giving other trainees opportunities he didn’t have ! he didn’t like that because he felt he had the personality and drive, they just weren’t willing to take a chance on him. but he really loved the chance to perform alongside other passionate people and learn from them.

so it was a bittersweet moment when, at 18, he terminated his contract. he felt relieved with all that extra pressure off him e but was also sad to no longer be performing. he tried to lie and act like he didn’t to his family but eventually, they found out and his mom sent him back home to thailand. his dad was livid and promised that if he didn’t do something within 2 months to get a job he’d stop helping him out.

kwanchai wanted to keep dancing but still needed a job, so did the best thing he could think of ! a choreographer he’d met in seoul promised him a room in his house if he agreed to fly back to korea and start working as a sort of dance apprentice under him at a studio !

so, going back yet again, he agreed and made one of the best choices of his life ! he got a lot better and not only dance but teaching / choreographing it ! with this, he comfortably began to adjust to the country and learned a lot !

the more he was there, the more he realized how much he enjoyed choreographing ! his friend gave him the chance to begin creating dances from the studio and it was then he decided he wanted to do it as a career !

he didn’t want to feel like a burden at his friend’s for so long, so it was then he decided to apply for a job at noir as a choreographer, hoping to save up and buy his own place. he applied unsure if he’d really get it due to his short experience, but was ecstatic when he did !

the whole thing has proved to be one of the best choices of his life - he’s got a steady job that’s very fulfilling, he saved up enough for an apartment, and he gets to dance while maintaining the level of freedom he’d craved as a trainee !

personality / random tidbits !

his app summed it up well, he’s incredibly eccentric ! he’s just different in nearly every way and if told to do something one way, he’ll probably do it the other.

his name is kwanchai, but ever since he was 17 he’s gone by kai, a shortened version of his full one ! it’s because it not only easier to pronounce for koreans but to his many american friends as well, and honestly it makes him feel less out of place as it’s a fairly universal name !

he’s super talkative, inherited from his sisters, but in turn is a very good listener ! so you’ll catch him either ranting about all his problems or listening to someone else doing the same.

naturally, he’s very fun and excitable ! rarely takes anything seriously, that is .... unless he’s dancing ! typically when teaching he likes to crack jokes and such to make the experience fun, but if it’s crunch-time he does a whole 180. when he has to he takes dancing very seriously, sometimes maybe even too much ! he may come off as controlling but in reality he’s just very passionate and a true perfectionist in terms of technique.

speaking of dancing, seeing him do it is quite an amusing sight ! kind of like j-hope he’s always making noises when he does it, and always has some sort of noise or word that correlates with his dance move ! def the type to say “and jazz hands !!”

maybe it helps, maybe it sounds stupid ! but since he has such a horrible memory it does tend to help him out a lot.

his hair right now is dyed, and the best reference i can give you is the john’s banana video lmao !! he keeps it pretty short to keep it out his face when he dances, and tbh his hai is a different color all the time !

he has a food blog, “rate what i ate”, where he does food reviews for restaurants ! it’s really fun for him because he loves to eat and has a very strong opinion on nearly everything. muses feel free to come eat with him, he’ll never say no to a dining buddy !

aside from that he has general social media and an ig where he posts short dance covers ! thinking about starting a yt cover channel.

coffee is his everything. he’s got a horrible sleep schedule, staying up late and having to wake up early ! but coffee is the one thing that gets him through, and no matter what time of the day he can always be found with his favorite cup in his hand.

remember how his app said power poses ? well it’s something kai actually does ! every morning and before doing something important he stands in a power pose for 5 minutes, saying affirmations rather dramatically. that alongside his guided meditation obsession makes kai in the morning time quite the amusing sight.

he has a black bombay cat affectionately named luna ! she’s his daughter whom he loves very very much and would die for. a total sweetheart who will accept all love, muses feel free to pet !

even though he’s fairly happy somewhat out the spotlight, he still has the idol mentality, and definitely has the whole charming personality thing going on ! he’s a whole personality and it’s almost a sin he didn’t become a talkshow host, but i assume he’d have a small following because of it ! not dreamdrop level of course, but a little bit of recognition !

that’s all i can thin of right now, that and i don’t want to keep you all waiting for this intro for too long ! i’ll add more as i see fit, and again, i can’t wait to meet you all !

#i'm feeling v trash so will be more active tomm !

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bluekayanite · 5 years

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(SU:F Theory - Snow Day) Has Steven REALLY Changed That Much?

...Or is he just still dealing with an old issue?

(I intended to post this last week, but apparently forgot to actually, you know, post it. >_< I’ve got another one upcoming, but here’s this one for now.)

EDIT: Some edits have been made. Not gonna stress myself over the details this time.

My Feelings on the Ep

Okay, I dunno about you, but I actually found the story of Snow Day pretty upsetting. The whole thing was about Steven running from his childhood favorites, and he pretty much stated that it was because he didn't want to be seen as a kid.

Sure, I can get behind not liking when people assume you haven't changed, especially when the changes in question have to do with you learning and growing (been there... -.-), but it didn't feel like that was the real issue. I mean, there's growing up and changing, and then there's more-or-less trying to hide, or to erase the past. IMO, this ep showed Steven trying to avoid "kids stuff" to an extreme. He literally jumped over the edge!

And not just the kids stuff, but it feels to me like he's been avoiding silly stuff in general, like that goofy charm that seemed like an essential character trait throughout the first series.

Even the idea that he could've left behind so much of the goofiness I love was pretty distressing - it really feels like he's trying to run away from a part of himself, essentially killing a part of himself (or at least a version thereof). But that's not the whole of the issue for me.

To me, it really kind of felt like Steven believed the Gems were wrong to still want to appreciate the old stuff with him - not because of “seeing him as a child, still,” but... like they couldn't still appreciate the way he used to be, even in a nostalgic sense. Like he believes that they shouldn't be allowed to enjoy the silly stuff, either. Or the little things in general.

(If you're not taking the time to pet something cute, I'd say it's pretty serious.)

Also: come on!! The Cheeseburger Backpack and Together Breakfast are two of the most iconic things of the series-es! And personally, like I kind of said, I’d say Steven's goofiness is right up there with them! Even the vegetarianism! Remember how big Steven was on hot dogs?

"I think there isn't such a thing as a bad [hot] dog, though. Only bad chefs!" - Steven, Wacky Sacks Unboxing minisode

It was even in the first opening of SU!

I don't mind that SU:F is more mature than SU, but it feels like it's missing a lot of the heart that made SU so easy to love. I’m even noticing that there's been a shortage a star-iris-endings. I’m pretty sure the last iris was used in Guidance... for a fake ending.

Not that I think the star-iris should be forced, but it seems like it's not being used, even when Crewniverse has a perfectly good chance to do so. The fact that they've used it at all suggests that they're not trying to avoid using it - more like they've fallen out of the habit, or something. And I’m really starting to feel the absence of the little bit of lighthearted warmth that it typically brings. It just kinda quietly punctuates just how serious the show has been.

...It's pretty depressing, really.

But yeah, in general, I'm not a big fan of the idea that you have to let go of kid things as soon as you grow up. Doctors believe that play is just as important for adults as it is for children. Heck, that article even mentions reading aloud to someone (and I'd say, by extension, being read to) as a form of play... one of the forms that Steven specifically avoids.

And if you ask me, The No Home Boys sounds like its pretty deep - not just a basic, “silly” kids’ story.

"My favorite story is this classic one where the No Home Boys are chased[...] by a mysterious pursuer, which turns out to be the very fear resting within themselves." - Steven, On The Run

At the very least, it's what led to him having an adventure that led to him learning something important, and to bringing to light - and resolving - some previously-unspoken tension between Pearl and Amethyst.

So at the very least, I wouldn't cast aside childish things so quickly, if only for all the good that they have already brought.

There's also the fact that adult play has been accepted as a pretty important thing in our current society - it's basically our culture now. As said on the YT Channel Lockstin & Gnoggin (in response to COPPA), "This isn't the 1970s anymore[...] Adults are no longer afraid to be interested in things." I mean, heck, I think odds are pretty good that if you’re reading this, you're probably an adult who enjoys “kids stuff.” I know I technically fit in that category - I’m getting old enough that I don't like to think about it. ^_^;

Personally, I believe that the “adults can still like ‘kids’ stuff” thing could really use more representation in mainstream media, ESPECIALLY after the whole COPPA thing. Personally, I’ve always believed that this would be done through Steven Universe.

And personally... I still think odds are good that it will.

Why I Think There's Still Hope for the Subject

The “adults enjoying ‘childish’ stuff” thing isn't just a thing with Millennials and the Internet in general: it's a pretty strong part of the culture of the Crewniverse, what with them actually enjoying Together Breakfast for the release of the ep by the same name. Not to mention donuts topped with Pop Rocks fire salt (exact quote - for Joking Victim), a big bowl of macaroni-and-nothing (for Warp Tour), and even a Rice Krispie temple that promptly got pummeled by a giant hand (technically for Bismuth, but also referencing Jailbreak). And those are just a few examples.

And in general, I've noticed that SU is very Millennial show, featuring values like that the reason for work should be to enjoy life, rather than to make money (Drop Beat Dad), and I've already said that being able to enjoy "kids stuff" as an adult is a pretty Millennial thing.

So to me, it seems like it's probably inevitable that Steven's going to get over the "trying too hard to adult" thing. Heck, if anything, I'd say that Snow Day is just another part of the long-running-buildup.

Steven has a history of trying to cut everything “childish” out of his life, and/or being embarrassed when it's brought up.

This felt like an extension of that history - to me, it feels like this issue leveled up, like he's trying harder than ever before to avoid being associated with "kids stuff." His reaction to Garnet presenting the Cheeseburger Backpack certainly looks like one of embarrassment, and one of not even appreciating the gesture, regardless.

And if you look, this whole thing started when the Gems implied that birthday parties were a "kids thing."

(My apologies for VUDU’s captions - they got better, I promise.)

Since then, he’s been stuck on the idea that he would have to leave things behind as he got older.

Before that, he was trying to convince the Gems of just the opposite.

Little did Steven know that they actually came around, while he was away...

But now? Now that they've obviously come around, he's still having trouble getting over what was once said.

He's even overtly objecting to being called "cute," or like a kid!

I think this is a pretty good example of how one little thing can result in a problem that a person struggles with for a long time afterward; how one idea can result in a person pressuring themselves to try and be something or not, even if the people who gave the idea have changed their minds. I think it's a pretty good example of the kind of baggage - the kind of problems - we carry around with us.

And you know what the official description of SU:F says?

"[A]s [Steven] runs out of other people's problems to solve, he'll finally have to face his own."

I very much believe that this is one of them. =3

Before I saw the movie, I had been spoiled by the “catchup” vid for the last season clearly being narrated by an older-voiced Steven. (So sorry, Hilary, that you want through so much trouble, but the neck wasn't much of a secret to me. XD; ) And spoilers aside, it had been pretty well hinted that he was going to grow up, via both of the “Birthday” episodes.

(Personally, I’m kind of disappointed that we missed the magic growth spurt - I always thought it would've been hilarious. X3)

I’d often thought that Steven was going to grow up when he realized that he didn't have to leave “childish” stuff behind - that he can be grown up without having to "stop being a kid," or worrying about how people would see him if he didn't. I kind of figured it would allow him to feel more comfortable about growing up, and so he would grow up.

But, apparently, that's still a thing he needs to work on.

And sure, I'm glad Steven came around at least a little, but I wonder if it's really enough... especially since he doesn’t even seem sincere on loving that the Gems upgraded the Steven Tag game.

But also, it seems to me like this issue is affecting more of his personality than just his desire to have fun... like he's losing quite a bit of himself. Remember how Pearl once described him?

You have to feel like yourself! Sweet and considerate, and only occasionally obnoxious! - Pearl, So Many Birthdays

It does seem like Steven's been having trouble with the considerate angle, lately. I mean, he kept busting into Jasper's hideout, he took over Amethyst's mentorship program (completely ignoring the feelings of the Gems being mentored), and in general, he's kinda... asserting himself and his opinions more than listening to others('). I'd even say that he's lost a lot of his sweet, and he's... probably more than occasionally obnoxious. ^_^; I mean, Aquamarine and Eyeball certainly think so. X3

Now? Well... I'd say that the Gems have at least as much of a point as Steven does. I have to admit, I feel a lot like Amethyst - I think she has a point about the direction Steven is (or had been) heading, and about what kind of example he was setting.

I agree that the issue is serious enough for Pearl to be justified in being willing to join in (which I really love her doing =3).

(Seriously, I’ve actually been worried for Steven.)

...And now I’d say that her old plea to feel like himself again is even more valid than ever.

In a way, Snow Day felt a lot like So Many Birthdays in reverse: instead of Steven trying to spend time with the Gems and making them feeling awkward about silly stuff, we now have the exact opposite. Now, instead of allowing himself to still be a kid, Steven tries to convince them not to make him be a kid. ...Which, again, is fair, but still. I'd say it goes too far when he hates the idea of "kid."

But yeah... I figure this has gotta be addressed sooner or later. Personally, I can't wait fo the day when it is. XD;

...call me crazy - call me super crazy - but I’m hoping that a certain Pink Doofball* will talk some more sense into him. X3 That, or maybe his dad.

(*If you're not familiar with my blog... well, here's my main theory, in case you're interested. I know it probably sounds insane, but it would mean a lot if you'd give it a look.)

#steven universe #steven universe: future #su:f #su:f snow day #su:f theories #theories

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nonbinaryresource · 5 years

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my gender is quite masc and I've been considering going on t for a very long time, but it still feels like I can't do it in my current situation. At the same time I also would not enjoy looking too manly but my feminine curves make me really dysphoric. I don't enjoy working out but at this point I would probably do everything to stop my body from being so round and curvy (I'm already binding). Do you have resources that could help me, a 22 year old that is a bit chubbier? thanks -L

You can try compression shorts in addition to the binding to help hide your curves. They sell them in most clothing stores around the underwear/bra section. Do make sure to check in with yourself like you do with binding, though.

You can always also mess around with the clothes you wear and find clothes that both help you express your personality as well as mask your curves a bit. Shirts with vertical or diagonal stripes, as well as shirts with non-geometric/symmetrical patterns can help distract from your shape. If your chest is bigger, button-ups may not help, but if you’re smaller to mid-size, button-up shirts can help to really mask curves. Even color can impact your perceived shape: avoid white, try darker colors and blues and grays and experiment with anything else you’re interested in.Button-up shirts that are longer can also help hide your hip shape, especially when combined with looser fitting jeans or khakis. You can also distract from hip shape by wearing “louder” shirts that draw attention away from your hips. Layers can also help, though this is obviously easier to achieve if you live somewhere cooler.

Working out can also be great, not only for changing your look, but by giving you more confidence. Obviously, if you don’t enjoy working out - then don’t do it! But don’t forget that working out isn’t just staring at yourself in the mirror pumping iron for an hour or doing a bland half hour of planks and squats. Working out can mean hiking, running, walking around your neighborhood, dance (anything from jazz to zumba to square dancing to tap to other dance workouts, etc.), spinning, biking, mountain biking, pilates, boxing, kickboxing, martial arts, swimming, jumping on a trampoline (there’s even YT videos of exercises for those individual trampolines), rock climbing, etc. There’s even parkour and ninja obstacle course training gyms out there nowadays. If it’s something that could potentially make you more comfortable and happier, it’s worth exploring a bit and finding an activity that you do genuinely enjoy.

It’s also good to work on mental coping techniques. Besides remembering that people of all genders come in all shapes and sizes, it’s never bad to look into CBT techniques, grounding exercises or ways to deal with anxiety via guided meditation, or even straight up going to a trans friendly therapist and talking it out. Sometimes there is only so much that is within our physical control, and it’s extremely important that we supplement with healthy ways to cope and deal and come to accept what we can.

Good luck!

~Tera

#mod tera #dysphoria #hip dysphoria #chest dysphoria #coping #Anonymous #l

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subuwu-dyke · 5 years

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hey do you have any tips on how to make your face more masculine? i feel like my face shape (kinda long oval) is just not one i've seen when i think of guys i know and oof (if it helps i have short cropped hair with squared sideburns and also kinda round glasses) sorry this is detailed lol i thought it might be something you deal with

Hi! I didn't want to answer this when I first saw it in the middle of the night so this'll be a little late sorry! Blame my fucked up schedule lol :P

Honestly, this is something that is going to be very challenging and also variable/subjective. How you are perceived varies wildly depending on an innumerable amount of factors that individuals around you are taking in and comparing to the structure of gender that has been programmed as a set of criteria inside our brain that we don't necessarily think about consciously. I'm not really saying anything new I just want to make sure it's understood up front how complicated it can be to try to signal to the public at large and make the world see you in a specific way. The most surefire method is of course HRT but if that's off the menu for any reason (no desire to go that direction, no money to go that direction, personal safety, anything) then things really start to get complicated tbh. I've posted my most recent haircut and honestly I look pretty 'masc' imo BUT there are still people (especially middle aged women who WANT to like me and see me as a good person) who will see nothing but a cute girl in a pixie cut.

Despite this, I've found that haircuts are the biggest thing to change your actual face. Since I don't wear makeup usually, it's the #1 factor in how my face shape gets perceived. I like to go short on the sides and long on top, which I suppose probably helps elongate the face a bit (I also have an oval face). If you do want to utilize makeup I'd recommend looking at yt tutorials because I'm not really a great fit to advise you in that respect lol. Sometimes I'll darken my brows or use a little guyliner for a party but idk if those make a big difference really. A lot of this stuff comes down to mannerisms and how you use your angles - in selfies, I do my best to emphasize my jawline through my angles for example. I think glasses shape also makes a difference - round used to be a lot more 'unisex' imo and that's why I initially got round glasses but they're starting to be more associated with femininity. A lot of gender basically comes down to fashion and trends. A more squared shape frame might come off as more "masculine."

In all honesty, however, I don't genuinely think these are important things. As I said at the start, people are taking in lots of information about you in order to assign a gender to you. I don't think I ever pass as a man or would do without T, unless I'm seen from behind lol. Then again, I'm not a man or transmasc so I'm not necessarily trying to be seen that way, though it doesn't bother me when it happens. For me, I really have had to come to accept that people are going to see me however they want to and I can only do so much to influence that. I just try instead to be honest with myself about what I want for myself (do I want short hair? Do I want to wear makeup? Do I want to look more masculine than I do already, and if so, what does that mean? Is presentation/clothing enough or do I want hrt?) and try to just.. Do things for me as much as that is possible. It's difficult with dysphoria because so much of it is genuinely about other people's perception but it's a personal journey unique to every individual.

Basically I guess think about this: do you want to be seen generally as more masculine, or do you specifically want your face to be seen as more masculine? Is there a difference for you? Do you want both? Experiment with things like haircuts, glasses, hats, clothes, mannerisms, how you speak, etc etc to see what feels right for you

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itsswimmingtragedycollection · 6 years

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YouTubers are shitty people

First of all, deal with it, accept it, let it sink in so we can fix it like we should have done a long time ago. The more I get to know and learn about that community, the more I am convinced it’s specifically appealing to extraordinarily self absorbed, self important, egocentric, entitled people, and that’s no coincidence. I couldn’t put my finger on it for a long time, because it’s not until you come across a *few* actually decent youtubers that it becomes obvious. Reminds me of older generations and casual homophobia. They never see it as an issue because in their circles, everyone is doing it and it’s very well accepted if not even demanded. The main reason I chose to call them collectively shitty instead of naming names, even though not *literally* every single one of them is shitty, is because they all (at least the very successful ones) seem to share certain character traits. But before we get into that, let’s discuss yt as a platform first. The best thing about it is also the absolute worst thing about it: ANYONE CAN DO IT. Politicians talk about farming as a low skill job, but that ain’t it, being a youtuber is. If you know how to film a video and have internet access, congratulations! Because that’s literally it. Now of course, some creators will put more time and effort and their additional skills into their work, but even if turning your camera on is all you got, it’s not an obstacle whatsoever. Just look at Tana Mongeau real quick. She sits in front of the camera, tells a whatever story, that could easily fit into THREE sentences, for half an hour, with minimal editing and bam! Hands down one of the laziest ‘content creators’ to this day, but still, in the yt world, she’s the 1%. Other than Tana Mongeau, the more important problems with ‘anyone can do it’ are the factors determining who becomes the fairest of them all (which is what enabled her rise to fame in the first place). This is where we get political, but let’s get real, spilling the tea about who said what about who is so last year, in 2019 we’re looking at the bigger picture. The bigger picture would be, where we are as a society, which is not a good place at all. The situation is, a handful of people~the famous 1%~are fucking us in the ass for profit and effectively getting away with it.(Not really news) They are able to accomplish that with three main mechanisms: 1. Keeping people busy and stressed. If you have to get up early, work all day for shit pay and worry about paying your bills, debts, feeding yourself, keeping that job...you don’t actually have the time for much else. An average worker doesn’t have hours or days to spend on in-depth researching of socioeconomic trends, they’re mostly just going to rely on quick news they get from the media, which, as we all know, does not paint an accurate picture, to say the least. That middle class persona, who has a decent job, full 8 hours of sleep and some free time, with the rising rates of poverty and homelessness, is becoming a rarer and rarer occurrence. 2. Isolation. There’s this whole individualism thing that we got going on. You know the ‘We are all individuals for ourselves!! If you’re successful, it’s only because of YOU personally and if you’re a failure it’s because you’re stupid and unworthy!! Everyone is competition!! Asking for help is shameful!’ And also, belonging to a group (American, white, black, gay, straight, man, woman, trans...) is a part of our identity, but it’s almost like, identifying with a certain group means picking a side. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s great to know where you come from and to find a place where you belong, but individualism has us thinking that the differences between these groups are somehow irreconcilable, when, in reality, we have a lot more in common than not. 3. Providing you with an enemy. We all see this every day. ‘Mexicans are stealing your jobs! Immigrants are the biggest threat to national security! North Korea is our number one enemy!’ You know, usually people with virtually no political or decision making power in the country get to take all the blame. And if you’re an average person, stressed, depressed and isolated, and someone points a finger and says ‘This is the reason your life sucks’ instead of saying ‘Hold up, that’s not true, you’re the reason my life sucks, get that dusty dick out of my ass and let me take a break’ you end up throwing stones at people getting fucked just as hard as you. (I would also like to point out that a big part of keeping this in place is fucking up the education system and rewriting history in a way that favors the existing situation so one feels less inclined to question it form an early age.) Now let’s get back to youtubers. The reason I wrote this long ass introduction is because youtubers come from the society and are very much a part of it. They don’t fall from the sky straight into our hearts, even though it might feel that way sometimes. In fact they are a product of it, because who thrives and who perishes is decided by the said society. People tend to gather around content that resonates with them, so just like a Trump supporter is very unlikely to endorse AOC, and vice-versa, we support youtubers that align with/represent our own beliefs and values the most. So upon taking into consideration the very shitty values and beliefs that we get shoved down our throats on a daily basis, it is only reasonable to assume they take part in deciding which youtuber we like and want to see succeed. And if we take a closer look at youtube’s it list, we will notice some pretty worrying similarities. First of all it’s rare to find one without a questionable past (and present) that ranges from racism, sexism, misogyny to bullying, lying, scamming...It’s so common that it’s not even that big of a deal anymore, it’s just a thing that happens. Kinda like apology videos. Who doesn’t have at least one these days? It’s hard for me to believe that out of hundreds of thousands of youtubers out there, we somehow accidentally cherry picked, almost exclusively, only the ‘problematic’ ones. And they are all ‘problematic’ in the same way. Second of all, they are very self important. Also coincidentally. When you make tons of money and have worldwide fame at a young age, and most of them are young, you start to think that you *must* be special. God must have put his finger on your forehead and made you better than everyone for all of that to happen to you. Sadly, this is encouraged by fans too. Even more so since today being rich is *the shit* and the ultimate end game, so people will look up to them, admire them, idolize them etc. This leaves a very strong ‘you can’t sit with us’ aftertaste and frequent outbursts of entitlement whether it’s inability to take criticism, coming after regular people, letting fans tear them apart or refusing to be held accountable for your bs and blaming other people. I think James Charles is an excellent example of an entitled youtuber. Even Gabbie Hanna handles criticism better. And he also categorically refuses to be responsible for any damage he does. Whenever a sister scandal occurs it’s either a) not his fault or b) he was a different person back then and has since done some personal growth so we can’t hold it against him. Next, we gotta talk about that youtuber ego. We get to experience it any and every time someone asks ‘Why tf are youtubers getting payed insane amounts of money?’ They are a very easily triggered bunch and I can’t count all the times I heard ‘YOUTUBE IS A JOB NO ONE WORKS FOR FREE SO NEITHER DO WE JEALOUSY IS A DISEASE GET WELL SOON’ Here’s the thing though, no one disputes the fact that it’s a job. What is unfathomable to outsiders is, why would someone give a person five figures for saying ‘Buy this shit it’s really cool’ on camera? How is that possibly worth that much? Fact of the matter is, it’s not, but saying ‘By this shit it’s really cool’ to a shit ton of your followers, is. The youtuber ego is what happens when you can’t say ‘We earn money by exploiting the trust our fans put in us’ but you still have to justify your position so you say ‘First of all. We’re super special, original and unique. This is a very hard job, we work our asses of, if it was easy, everyone would do it.’ And then you star believing it. But more importantly, your followers believe it too. At the beginning I pointed out that anyone can to it because it’s a low skill job, so if you wondered why everyone is not doing it, it’s precisely because we’re constantly being told the opposite, and I gotta say, I don’t see anyone questioning it. Even though it’s not even remotely true. Take a look at any group, beauty gurus, entertainers, commentary channels, drama channels, whatever you choose, if you’ve seen five creators in a bunch, you’ve pretty much seen them all, not a whole lot of originality going on there. In fact, this ‘uniqueness’ is nothing more than some basic branding. Drinking coffee is so Emma Chamberlain, conspiracy theories are so Shane Dawson, racism is so Pewdiepie and so on. Pewdiepie actually brings me to my last point. He illustrates what I want to say so incredibly well. As we all know, he’s been called out, multiple times, for blatant racism, antisemitism, sexism, overall regressive, aggressive, harmful standpoints. And absolutely nothing happened, he’s doing just fine. Why is that? Because, firstly, he never gets called out by his own fans. Like I said, we pick who we support, which means his fans gathered around him because they liked and shared his viewpoints in the first place. Not only did they not call him out, they defended him. How many times is Pewdiepie going to have a sister scandal and get away with it? As many as he wants. He’s never gonna be cancelled because the only people who have the power to do that, love his racism. He’s virtually untouchable. It makes sense why he acts like he’s got God by the balls. And, coincidentally, he is the most followed youtuber in history of youtubers with 80 MILLION SUBSCRIBERS. All the other shitty youtubers ™ stay relevant and slaying for the exact same reason. Their fans like them because they are shitty, it’s a vicious circle. Not ony are shitty youtubers ™ a reflection of how much we need to do better, they are to an extent preventing that from happening. ‘Such, such and such bad behaviour made this person rich and famous, so it must be good, and every time I watch their videos I am surrounded by people who think the same, which in turn, encourages me to glorify it even more.’ The whole reason I wrote this, is because we really, really, need to do better. I have seen people calling them out on things I mention here, but so far I never saw anyone connecting the epidemic of shitty youtubers ™ to our current circumstances as a society, which is definitely there. So instead of wrapping ourselves into the comfortable blanket of ‘as long as a lot of other people are thinking like me, everything is fine’ we should start asking for more from ourselves and others. Pass it on, spread the good word.

#youtubers #james charles #emma chamberlain #pewdixpie #dolan twins #tana mongoose #tana mongeau #jeffree starr #gabbie hanna #the gabbie show #the real tea #jenna marbles #spilling the tea #writing #social commentary #imallexx #onision

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