#your tools aren’t as scary as these prices

[thebeingmerf]

Forget Valentines, Who’s gonna be my sketchy 1800s London alleyway doctor because I sure as hell can’t afford a real one

[cl-01-kestis]

My Little Rebel - Inquisitor!Cal Kestis x Female Rebel!Reader | Part 9

Summary: You start the journey to restore the Jedi order, but things get a little tricky when your force bond with Cal gets a bit stronger.

Warnings: slightly nsfw

The bed was uncomfortable, stiff even. You tossed and turned all night and couldn’t seem to settle. You didn’t resort to the sofa or sleep on the floor, you decided to get up and pace around the ship for a while, pouring yourself a generous amount of blue milk and gulping it down since your body felt like it was on fire. You were sweating profusely, you even had two towels underneath each arm because sweat trickled down your sides and your back was layered with it.

You didn’t know what came over you, some sort of fever maybe. Your feet were even scolding against the ice cold floor of the Mantis.

You sat in the pilot seat, a small blanket wrapped around your shoulders and wearing nothing but a pair of shorts and a white vest. You had one leg up on the chair and the other dangling off it, a jug of refilled blue milk in your hand as the other rest on the hyperspace lever. The cockpit door was shut, you needed some privacy in somewhere that wasn’t your stuffy and cramped room. The cockpit was your favourite part of the Mantis, plus, you got to see hyperspace up close and personal.

Your breathing was shallow, eyes hazy and unfocused as your hand rested on the hyperspace lever. You yawned multiple times, wishing you had a comfortable and warm place to sleep since your bed was so stiff and uneasy to get comfortable on. The co pilot seat was comfortable but you knew if you fell asleep on it, your back would snap.

You had yet to face Cere, it felt as though she was avoiding you ever since you got back from Kashyyyk and it made your stomach churn, something didn’t feel right and it made you nervous. Merrin was friendly when you got back and helped tend to your wounds after Greez flew the mantis away from Kashyyyk. It seemed strange that Cere was avoiding you, had you done something wrong? Maybe said something you shouldn’t have?

Your thoughts were diminished at the sound of the cockpit door sliding open to reveal Merrin in red lounge wear and her feet wrapped up in bandages since she didn’t have any socks and the ship floor was freezing.

“It’s late, you aren’t tired?” She asked, closing the door behind her and walking up to the co-pilot seat to sit across from you and hang out with you for a while. You shook your head and let out a hollow sigh, unable to gather your thoughts so your mind shifted somewhere else and you decided to talk to Merrin rather than sit there and sulk about how many things felt wrong in your life.

“I couldn’t sleep, had a nightmare” You readjusted the towels under your arms and scratched your throat, eyes focused on the light speed view in front of you and feeling the tension in your body flush away. Merrin nodded and crossed her legs on the pilot seat, arms crossed behind her head as she watched the view with you and sat in silence for a few minutes.

The two of you seemed to be on okay grounds, you’d only just met her and you didn’t have a solid opinion of her just yet, but she was kind. You could tell she had no bad intentions, she was a loyal person and her protection over the mantis crew showed. Yodidnt want to push her into saying anything, but you assumed she was in a lot of pain from the past due to the fall of the Nightsisters.

You’d heard about it from Shaak Ti the day after it happened, she told you about the events about General Grevious invading Dathomir and killing the Nightsisters. It was clear Merrin was the last, you felt sorry for her. She was all alone, last of her kind and possibly wanted by many people. Almost like you in a sense, run away Jedi with no home and a large price on her head because of her powers.

It was a shame really.

“You know, I’d never seen light speed before until... until Ca-... Cere found me” Merrin immediately corrected herself, heart pounding in her chest because of her slip up but thankfully you didn’t suspect much. You tilted your head to the side, curiosity getting the better of you as your mind raced with thoughts and questions.

“The Nightsisters never took you off world?” You asked.

“No, only the warriors ever left. The Nightbrothers didn’t leave either, I mean all except Darth Maul and his brother Savage Opress” Merrin shrugged, smiling to herself as she played with her necklace.

“You mean the two most infamous crime lords during the clone wars? Kriff- I met Savage once, he was... scary to say the least” You chuckled.

“You did?” Merrin turned in her seat to look at you, eyebrow raised slightly as she listened to you.

“Yeah, I was 13. I got lost on Zanbar once whilst on a mission with my Master and bumped right into Savage” You said, drifting into a flourish of memories from that certain moment when you bumped into the massive yellow and black Zabrak all those years ago, you remembered how terrified you were. He looked like he would rip you in half, thankfully you got away before he could even lay a finger on you.

“What happened?” Merrin asked with a gasp, you had her full attention.

“I ran away, thankfully his speed wasn’t his most impressive skill so I managed to sneak away” You let out a short giggle and made the Nightsister smile.

“Impressive that you outran a Nightbrother, not many people live to say that” She smirked at you, stretching her arms and letting out a brief yawn. Merrin raised her legs up and rest the heels of her feet on the edge of the pilots seat, looking back out to the light speed view which was coming to a close as you reached for the lever and inched it towards you. She looked deep in thought, as if you sparked a conversation within her head as she looked at the stars that came into vision and let out a soft sigh.

“You know, I never got to ask you, how was Kashyyyk? Did you see the Inquisutor there?” Merrin asked suddenly, making your breath hitch in your throat as you jolted in your seat, thankfully she didn’t notice as she continued staring at the stars.

“I-uh, no- actually, I-I didn’t” You spluttered, cursing at yourself silently as your lips sealed shut and you awaited Merrin’s reply.

“I don’t see why you’d lie about seeing an Inquisutor” The Nightsister said before yawning. Kriff.

You didn’t say anything in return as you looked away from her and down at the panels in front of you. You curled yourself up in the chair, the leather squeaking as it rubbed together and the chair creaked slightly.

“Which Inquisitor was it?” Merrin turned to look at you again, her face showing no threat or anger as she tilted her head slightly to the side.

You inhaled deeply through your nose and rubbed your eyes which were heavy in exhaustion.

“The Eleventh Brother” Your voice cracked unintentionally as you cleared your throat awkwardly, suddenly unconfortable at the mentioning of your boyfriends galactic title. Merrin’s eyes widened, her mouth opened to say something but nothing came out. You both sat in silence for a few seconds, listening to the sound of space as you two shifted in your seats.

“Cere told me not to tell you in case I jeopardise the mission, but the Eleventh Brother is the man who was once in your position” Merrin spoke up, her words seeping in as you looked at her with wide eyes and gasped silently. It took a lot longer than necessary for you to process her words, heart pounding with shock at her words as she smiled to herself.

“In my position?” You asked, your feet settling on the floor as you leaned forward and turned to look at her, the seat spinning around so you were fully facing her.

“A long time ago, a young and brave Jedi... but he was just like the rest of them” The Nightsister’s smile vanished and she looked over to you with glassy eyes, as if she was hurting at her own words and struggled to hide her emotions.

“Yes; a good man he was, but let’s not dwell on the past” Merrin sniffed, wiping her eyes and pushing aside her emotions to smile reassuringly at you and nod her head. You tried to smile back to her, you wanted to ask her so many more questions but you didn’t want to push her. By the looks of it she was in no state to get into details about what she just told you, she probably wasn’t ready either.

“Want a refill?” Merrin asked, standing up from the co-pilot seat and acting as if nothing happened. To avoid complications, you nodded and thanked her, passing your empty jug to her and watching as she opened up the cockpit door to walk over to the kitchen.

You turned the pilot seat around and looked back at the view of blackness dotted with sparking white stars, eyes shifting from each star and trying to connect the dots to see if you could make any shapes by doing so. You had to stay quiet about Cal, and by the looks of it the crew had a few things they didn’t want to say about him as well.

If Merrin told you the truth, if she really meant that Cal was once in your position, then this mission was about to get a whole lot more difficult.

-

You retired to your bedroom after another half hour of sitting with Merrin and chatting with her about whatever was on your kinds. Cere and Greez were still in their beds, fast asleep as the ship floated through the galaxy and drifted to wherever. You finished off the jug of blue milk you refilled about 3 times and set it on the table full of tools and gadgets. You took the blanket off your shoulders and practically collapsed on your bed, eyes looking up at the window view right next to your bed which covered the whole wall, glass was the only thing separating you from the stars.

Your bed was lower than the platform which the table was on, a small set of stairs were at the side which connected the two platforms together. If anything, the interior gave you a sense of privacy, the table blocked out anyone from seeing you from beneath the platform.

Your eyes gleamed as they watched the stars, no planets in sight to watch as you slowly fell asleep and waited for the darkness to consume you. You heard someone’s footsteps outside of your room, you guessed it was Merrin since she slept in the room next to yours. Cere and Greez might’ve woken up with all the noise you were making by speaking with Merrin and pouring drinks at an unpredictable time.

Curioudly, you shifted to your side and raised your arm up to lean on it, eyes still focused on the stars outside as you yawned and let out a hollow sigh. There was a strange vibe about tonight, you didn’t know whether it was because you’d seen Cal today, or maybe Cere hadn’t talked to you. Either way, you couldn’t quite put your finger on it.

You closed your eyes, letting your imagination tire you out as your body slowly relaxed into the mattress and the stars merely became a vision in your mind. Tossing and turning in your bed, you tried keeping your eyes shut as the sound of unfamiliar shifting welcomed itself into your hearing. You felt a strange pressure apply beside you on your bed and you just about had a heart attack when your eyes opened.

“C-Cal?!” You exclaimed in surprise, legs immediately curling up to your chest as you shuffled away from your unwelcome boyfriend who sat, just as surprised as you were.

“Keep it down! What are you doing here?!” He asked, standing up from your bed and causing you to tilt your head to the side in confusion.

“What am I doing here? You’re on the mantis!” You stood up from your bed, not bothering to wrap your half naked body with your bed covers as you stood in front of him with your arms crossed and a stern expression all over your face.

Cal raised an eyebrow, full of attitude as he scoffed and looked at his surroundings.

“No, I’m in my chambers on Nur, how’d you get here...” Cal’s eyes trailed down below your face and he was immediately caught off guard. Rolling your eyes, you grabbed your quilt and covered your body with it as he blushed and cleared his throat.

“I have no idea, you’re in my room on the Mantis” You said, looking at Cal and realising he was wearing black lounge clothes which consisted of a long sleeved t-shirt and black joggers. His red hair was all messy and uncouth but you couldn’t deny that you found it attractive. Cal looked around his surroundings once more and hit his head with his hands, trying to make himself see what you were seeing. By the looks of it, neither of you knew what was going on and it was just getting all over the place.

“Alright, let’s just calm down” You touched his shoulder and felt your heart quicken at the fact you could touch him, proving he wasn’t just a fragment of your imagination. Cal flinched at your touch and immediately made you put your hand back down to your side, he was scared. Cal was scared someone might see you from his perspective, you were in his chambers standing beside his bed with not much on and also, you were the Jedi they were looking for, it would look mortifying.

Cal, after seconds of panicking, let out a vexed sigh, his gold eyes linking to yours as his body relaxed and the tension flushed out of his system. Cal took a step forward and hugged you unexpectedly, arms around your waist and chin resting on your head. You were quick to hug him back and wrapped your arms around his neck, letting out a sigh and closing your eyes as he gave your body a soft squeeze.

“Aside from the mystery as to how we can see each other, I’ll take whatever time I can get with you, even if this is just some sick illusion” Cal pulled a hand up and began stroking your hair, his voice held hints of wariness as if this was all some vision his mind created, as if you weren’t really in his arms. But you could feel it in the flesh, he really was here. Your Cal was here and hugging the daylights out of you.

The quilt was long forgotten and pooled around your feet, body cold but you didn’t care as the cool air made contact with your skin.

Cal’s warm body done you justice as he held you firmly against it, his chest pressing tightly against yours and making it slightly difficult to breathe as your breasts squished uncomfortably.

“If this was some sick illusion I couldn’t be able to do this” You leaned back and kissed him softly, closing your eyes and enjoying the feeling of his lips on yours. Cal hummed, grinning into the kiss as his hands travelled around your hips and back delicately, as if he was holding a piece of porcelain.

“Fair point” He chuckled when the two of you pulled apart for some air, his pale face flushed and gold eyes narrowed and focused on you. Your hand raised up to playfully ruffle his hair, earning a short protest from Cal as he waved your hand away and laughed.

“It’s cute like that” You commented casually, sitting down on your bed and picking up the abandoned quilt which was still in a heap on the floor. Cal joined you on your bed and for some reason he kept an appropriate distance away from you. You raised your legs and crossed them as you put the quilt over your cold half naked body, away from Cal’s lingering gaze and the urge to touch you he was currently fighting off. The Inquisutor looked up at you with a somewhat strained expression; you could tell something was on his mind. For an Inquisutor, for a man made for such danger, he was too easy to read. Maybe it was because you could sense it through the force or maybe he was just a readable person.

“Something on your mind?” You asked, hands cupped in your lap as you watched Cal clench his jaw and look away from you hurriedly.

“It’s nothing” He muttered, eyes drifting to your hands which were fidgeting pretty badly. He noticed the way your body was tense since he was here, in your bed. It was obvious there was a noticeable tension between the two of you, you hadn’t been alone with each other for a long time, in somewhere so private. The last time that was the case was in his Tie Fighter when the two of you first got together.

It was a while since then and the two of you had been relying on holograms. But now, you were alone and had enough time together, no interruptions and no people to pull you apart.

You watched as Cal breathed in deeply and scratched the back of his neck, he was thinking about something and something he didn’t want to tell you.

“I’m sorry I just- I’m trying to understand how you’re here but I can’t focus when you’re-“ Cal cut himself off and he was mortified he got so far in speaking, now he left you confused and unable to comprehend the situation.

“When you’re right in front of me, in my bed” Cal finished, sighing once he got the words out of his system and not daring to look at you as you processed what he said. You blushed, realising what he meant and feeling a tingling sensation spread in your chest as he finally looked back up and met your gaze.

“I’ve made this awkward, I’m sorry” He pursed his lips and ran his fingers through his hair, clenching his jaw once again and bobbing his knee as he sat at the edge of your bed.

You held the covers close to your lap but a part of you told you to push them away. Your instinctive urges started flooding your mind and soon you started feeling hot, your body flush as you looked at Cal with hazy eyes.

“You haven’t made anything awkward... if anything I feel the same” You mumbled, bringing your knees up to your chest which were still covered by your quilt. Cal looked up at you curiously and he seemed to relax a bit, his muscles grew less tense and he seemed to calm down by your words.

“You do?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper as he narrowed his eyes and focused on the way your face flushed.

“Y-yes, I mean, this is the most alone we’ve been” You chuckled, the tension in your stomach tightening as he shuffled a little bit closer and rest his hand on top of yours. Your breath hitched in your throat and you felt your ears prick with warmth.

“I like this, having no one to disturb us” Cal inched a mischievous smile and looked at you with a darkening gaze. You nodded in agreement, your hand trembling beneath his as he picked it up and laced his fingers with yours. You didn’t reply to Cal and instead shuffled along your bed till your legs touched. You leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on his lips.

Cal wasted no time as he cupped the back of your neck and brought you in for a more firm, passionate kiss. A yelp murmured at the back of your throat as Cal grabbed your thighs and straddled you onto his lap in the blink of an eye. Your lips didn’t tear apart as his hands were flat on your backside and held you close to him, hips pressed against yours as your tongues continued to dance. Cal moved one of his hands and stroked your bare thigh softly, earning a small whimper from you as goosebumps trailed along your skin and around your body. This appeased Cal and encouraged him to trail further up your thigh until his fingers grazed the material of your shorts, stroking it softly before giving the hem a gentle tug whilst his lips travelled down to your neck and gave it a soft bite. You tugged on his red hair, fingers digging themselves and balling into fists as he sucked and nibbled at the skin on your neck until he was certain there was a bloody mark on it. Your breathing grew raggedy and you were unconsciously grinding down on Cal slowly but surely. You sighed in pleasure as his mouth travelled lower, level with your collarbones.

“Cal-“ You whimpered, voice hoarse and breathless as Cal’s sharp K9’s dragged across your skin and nipped teasingly at it, dragging as many moans as he could as you squirmed in his arms.

“You’re so pretty like this” Cal growled, leaning back and looking up at you with dark, lustful eyes. You trembled in his lap, small noises leaving your mouth simply because of the way he was looking at you.

You were in for it now, Cal’s eyes spoke a thousand words and every one was far from innocent. He looked like he was about to tear you apart and leave you in pieces, use you and destroy you. His gaze was so heavy it made a pool of warmth form in the pit of your stomach. The feeling was delicious, his hands guided your hips down to grind against his once again and you felt like the wind had been kicked out of you. You slammed your lips on his and forced him down on your bed, your hands grabbing his wrists and pinning them at either side of his head. Cal giggled boyishly as he stared up at you with excitement, tongue running over his pearly whites as he watched you fight off a flush and gain your composure.

“Pretty baby” Cal muttered under his breath, in a flash you were on your back and the tables had been turned. Cal’s grip on your wrists made you wince bit you didn’t complain, distracted as his knee slid between your legs and up against the place most sensitive on your body. One of Cal’s hands laced with yours whereas the other held your hip, gripping your skin and leaving slightly red scratch marks as a result. You used your free hand to grip Cal’s shoulder as his knee pressed right up against your shorts and made you look away from his intense stare.

“I could have you like this all day” Cal groaned as he felt your heat against his knee, holding back so much as he looked at your face and how bright it was with the blush smothering it. You looked cute, he hadn’t seen you this shy ever so it was a whole new experience for him. You only whimpered in response, loving the way he looked above you and how feral he was with that dark, sinister sparkle in his gold eyes. You raised a hand up and cupped his cheek, stroking it softly with your thumb and feeling hints of stubble scratch against your skin.

You took a peek down as Cal’s knee which was still pressed tight against your core and blushed when you saw a tent in his joggers. The Inquisutor only smirked and pushed a strand of hair out of your face, his fingers trailing down your cheek to your neck to your chest. He only looked, asking permission with his eyes if he could go any further.

Just as you were about to nod, there was a loud knock at your door and it immediately made the two of you jump. Cal got off you quickly and you ran up to get the door, looking back to see that Cal was now nowhere in sight.

Frozen, you stood in your spot for a few seconds longer, trying to comprehend what just happened until another knock rattled you out of your thoughts.

You opened the door to reveal Cere with a worried expression, eyes finding yours instantly.

“Are you alright? I heard noises coming from your room” The older woman asked with concern, her eyes holding worry and good intention as she reached out to place a hand on your shoulder. Suppressing a blush, you nodded your head and cleared your throat.

“I-uh... yeah, bad dream” You rubbed the back of your neck as your other hand held onto the doorframe, trying your best not to look suspicious as your hand immediately hid the hickey on your neck from Cere.

“Ah, well that makes sense. Get some more rest, we’ll be landing on Bogano soon” Cere waved you off and turned around, walking to her room and leaving you alone in the hallway of the Mantis. You sighed out in relief when Cere was out of sight and sealed away in her room, rubbing your forehead and pinching the bridge of your nose as your eyes hurt with the sudden light in the hallway.

“It was just an illusion, calm down (Y/N)” You reassured yourself, closing the door and making your way to the construction table where your lightsaber lay untouched. You sat down, back of your thighs colliding with the cold material of the leather stool in front of the table. Clearing your throat once again, you picked up your saber and checked for any malfunctions. The only thing wrong with the saber was that the other side had been completely destroyed, you weren’t sure how long it would take to fix but you might as well start now.

You had a long journey ahead of you after all.

[gilded-green]

@persononplanet​ replied to your post @persononplanet replied to your post Okay but if...

Oh definitely, being a Dai Li agent that tortures definitely does not help the entire ‘I like walking over people and feeling superior to them’ part XD.

And one of my assessments was quite right! Yay! He likes the power and control he has over others (because of vague handwave yong doesnt know and will not just stop a sec for self reflection)

And yup, i’m very certain yong is overall disliked by the entirety of re-education because of that little stunt he pulled, woop.

And yes, actually, if due to some reason Tuan, Yong, and Shirong were stuck together, then Shirong would out of plain annoyance of them and pure boredom just continue thinking and analyzing the situation and then just sigh and try to solve a bit of the issue. 

Cuz your work may be torture and dark stuff, it’s no excuse to be an overall dick. (Which Shirong, coincidentally, is a perfect example of. That man is a psychological torturer. In a way, it’s worse.

He drives people to insanity, watches, pushes his victims some more, and then manipulates them into trusting him so that he can do whatever the feels like. It’s dark, terrifying, and its really underplayed in the overall atla fandom how fucking terrifying and terrible brainwashing is.)

And despite that all, Shirong isn’t an asshole. He can make friends (sure he got like...one...but thats more than actual friends Yong has) and he can treat people with more respect and care than yong. 

Plus, shirong is a wholesome godfather. Cuz eventho he overall dislikes to be surrounded by people (like banquets etc etc) he likes that little family so he’ll put up with them and try to be nice to his friend’s little kiddo. 

Yong has a family, we see them briefly in that winter solstice party fic, but I doubt Yong would be a good and loving husband and father. He has literally never shown any semblance of caring about anyone or treating anyone with respect, 

So i kinda feel bad for her, living with the Head of Investigation, a man who doesnt care about anyone but himself and has a big time hunger for power and, more importantly, a feel of having power, musn’t be a happy home situation.

Then again we’ve never really seen yong’s home situation, who knows, maybe his wife is literally the only person he actually cares about but personally I doubt it. If many, many years of being dai li partners can’t make him care even a tad bit about tuan,

Then why would yong care for the wife that was higher in status than him and - probably - has some wealth and power as well? He probably doesnt. And while thats alright in a society where arranged marriages and political marriages take place, you *are* supposed to treat her with some respect. Which i doubt he does.

But the most sad part would be the daughter. His poor daughter.

Her father is basically the biggest jerk in the kingdom and only the jade emperor knows what she has seen happen between her mother and father...

If yong is how yong always is, even at home, then i feel so damn bad for that child. I know exactly what its like to feel unloved, alone, and forgotten and I wouldn’t wish that to this innocent little kiddo. 

At least tuan’s her godfather and her mother -probably- tries her best

*coughs* Actually you don’t have to worry about Yong’s wife and kid at all.

Like you really don’t.

Not like that, anyway. I mean maybe worry about them a little? But not like that.

See I have this thing where I’m not super fond of villains having to be awful in literally all aspects. I don’t like it when creators decide “Well that’s the bad guy so we can use them as a dumping ground for every awful character trait possible.” It’s annoying and uninspired and lazy and pretty much my only exception is Ozai because Ozai is just Bad At Everything, except also I do still headcanon he and Ursa did actually have a romantic relationship and The Search never changed that so never mind Ozai isn’t as much of an exception as I thought.

Anyway, Yong is neither a terrible husband nor a terrible father.

He’s not exactly a great father, either, but like. He’s a dad. It’s part of his identity, which he has carefully built for himself. And sure, in some ways, he sees his wife and daughter as tools and stepping stones to get where he wants, but uhhhhhh....that’s how it works in his society. That’s pretty normal.

Normal to the point that he uses his wife as much as she uses him. They met, had a whirlwind romance, he realized this upper-middle class young woman and her family could definitely help him in his career, she realized this up-and-coming regular-middle class young man was going places and it’d be beneficial to hitch a wagon to his shining star, and they formalized the whole arrangement with a marriage. And welp, that sure did turn out to be a good investment for the both of them! He became one of the highest officials in the government, she gets to be the wife of someone super important, and they both get to live in the Upper Ring and chill with nobility despite being Middle Ring commoners. Also her family gets all sorts of business deals thanks to their brilliant son-in-law’s connections. So everyone’s gotten what they want, and Yong’s wife probably doesn’t know the details of what he does at work, and she probably doesn’t care to, and if she did know about the torture, she’d probably shrug like “Well sometimes that’s just how it goes, isn’t it? How else is my husband supposed to keep the city safe?”

She’s not affected by it, and more importantly she doesn’t want to be affected by it. If you try to bring her attention to the torture, she is not going to be shocked or aghast or even teary over how you’ve opened her eyes to her husband’s horrible practices. She’s going to be very annoyed at you for attempting to throw a wrench into the gears of the privilege machine that is her life. And then she’s going to complain to Yong about you, because she knows her powerful husband will fix it.

She probably knows about his extra-marital activities, too, and she also probably doesn’t care so long as everyone knows she’s his wife and no other partners matter. It’s a small price to pay for the life she’s leading. Plenty of powerful people in Ba Sing Se have lovers on the side! Heck she might too, who knows?

As for their daughter, well, having a kid was part and parcel of the whole enterprise. That’s what you do, isn’t it? Get married, have a kid, pass on the family lineage? Also they just kinda liked the idea of it. So they had a kid, and Thi is growing up to be another privileged little lady. Her father is very powerful and her life is very nice and she wants for nothing and she doesn’t know what her dad does all day but she does know he’s a hero who protects the city.

Yong may not be winning Father of the Year anytime soon, but he’s not a bad dad. If anything he’s kinda like the stereotypical Victorian father who provides for his family and is loved and respected but maybe not necessarily close to his kid, and then proceeds to go to the office where he continues to subjugate the empire’s colonies using the power of coal mined by impoverished children. The main difference is that Yong is a bit more hands-on, but eh. *handwave* Storytelling. Whatever.

There are lots of people out there who got raised by loving parents who were also just...not great people. There are lots of people out there who were raised by their loving parents to be just as not-great. And they don’t even realize it, because to them their privilege is normal, and they aren’t going to be very bothered with changing things. Or they won’t want to because it’ll mean they’ll have to confront the fact that they might not be great people. Or their parents weren’t great people, and the way they were raised was wrong. That can be a scary and hard and upsetting process to go through.

And Yong’s family really has no reason to want to go through it. Why would they? Their husband/father is an important man who protects the city and provides for his family. What else could they possibly want?

[koreaunderground]

(eff.org)(2021/03/08) The FBI Should Stop Attacking Encryption and Tell Congress About All the Encrypted Phones It’s Already Hacking Into

[eff.org][1]

  [1]: <https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/03/fbi-should-stop-attacking-encryption-and-tell-congress-about-all-encrypted-phones>

# The FBI Should Stop Attacking Encryption and Tell Congress About All the Encrypted Phones It’s Already Hacking Into

Joe Mullin

10-13 minutes

Federal law enforcement has been [asking for a backdoor][2] to read Americans’ encrypted communications for years now. FBI Director Christopher Wray did it again last week [in testimony to the Senate Judiciary Committee][3]. As usual, the FBI’s complaints involved end-to-end encryption employed by popular messaging platforms, as well as the at-rest encryption of digital devices, which Wray described as offering [“user-only access.”][4]

  [2]: <https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/07/doj-and-fbi-show-no-signs-correcting-past-untruths-their-new-attacks-encryption>   [3]: <https://www.judiciary.senate.gov/imo/media/doc/SJC%20Oversight%20Hearing%20-%20FBI%20Director%20Wray%20SFR%20-%203.2.2021.pdf>   [4]: <https://twitter.com/ericgeller/status/1366804541451157504?s=21>

The FBI wants these terms to sound scary, but [they actually describe security best practices][5]. End-to-end encryption is what allows users to exchange messages without having them intercepted and read by repressive governments, corporations, and other bad actors. And “user-only access” is actually a perfect encapsulation of how device encryption should work; otherwise, anyone who got their hands on your phone or laptop—a thief, an abusive partner, or an employer—could access its most sensitive data. When you intentionally weaken these systems, it hurts our security and privacy, because there’s no magical kind of access that only works for the good guys. If Wray gets his special pass to listen in on our conversations and access our devices, corporations, criminals, and authoritarians will be able to get the same access.

  [5]: <https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/02/incoming-biden-administration-officials-should-change-course-encryption>

It’s remarkable that Wray keeps getting invited to Congress to [sing the same song][6]. Notably, Wray was invited there to talk, in part, about the January 6th insurrection, a serious domestic attack in which the attackers—far from being concerned about secrecy—proudly broadcast many of their crimes, resulting in hundreds of arrests.

  [6]: <https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/12/fancy-new-terms-same-old-backdoors-encryption-debate-2019>

It’s also remarkable what Wray, once more, chose to leave out of this narrative. While Wray continues to express frustration about what his agents can’t get access to, he fails to brief Senators about the shocking frequency with which his agency _already_ accesses Americans’ smartphones. Nevertheless, the scope of police snooping on Americans’ mobile phones is becoming clear, and it’s not just the FBI who is doing it. Instead of inviting Wray up to Capitol Hill to ask for special ways to invade our privacy and security, Senators should be asking Wray about the private data his agents are already trawling through.

### **Police Have An Incredible Number of Ways to Break Into Encrypted Phones**

In all 50 states, police are breaking into phones on a vast scale. An October report from the non-profit Upturn, “[Mass Extraction][7],” has revealed details of how invasive and widespread police hacking of our phones has become. Police can easily purchase forensic tools that extract data from nearly every popular phone. In March 2016, Cellebrite, a popular forensic tool company, supported “logical extractions” for 8,393 different devices, and “physical extractions,” which involves copying all the data on a phone bit-by-bit, for 4,254 devices. Cellebrite can bypass lock screens on about 1,500 different devices.

  [7]: <https://www.upturn.org/reports/2020/mass-extraction/>

How do they bypass encryption? Often, they just guess the password. In 2018, Prof. Matthew Green [estimated][8] it would take no more than 22 hours for forensic tools to break into some older iPhones with a 6-digit passcode simply by continuously guessing passwords (i.e. “brute-force” entry). A 4-digit passcode would fail in about 13 minutes.

  [8]: <https://twitter.com/matthew_d_green/status/985885001542782978>

That brute force guessing was enabled by a hardware flaw that has been fixed since 2018, and the rate of password guessing is much more limited now. But even as smartphone companies like Apple improve their security, device hacking remains very much a cat-and-mouse game. As recently as September 2020, [Cellebrite marketing materials][9] boasted its tools can break into iPhone devices up to “the latest iPhone 11/ 11 Pro / Max running the latest iOS versions up to the latest 13.4.1”

  [9]: <https://cf-media.cellebrite.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/SolutionOverview_CAS_2020.pdf>

Even when passwords can’t be broken, vendors like Cellebrite offer “advanced services” that can unlock even the newest iOS and Samsung devices. Upturn research suggests the base price on such services is $1,950, but it can be cheaper in bulk.

Buying electronic break-in technology on a wholesale basis represents the best deal for police departments around the U.S., and they avail themselves of these bargains regularly. In 2018, the Seattle Police Department [purchased 20 such “actions”][10] from Cellebrite for $33,000, allowing them to extract phone data within weeks or even days. Law enforcement agencies that want to unlock phones en masse can bring Cellebrite’s “advanced unlocking” in-house, for prices that range from $75,000 to $150,000.

  [10]: <https://beta.documentcloud.org/documents/20394507-installment_101>

That means for most police departments, breaking into phones isn’t just convenient, it’s relatively inexpensive. Even a mid-sized police department like Virginia Beach, VA [has a police budget of more than $100 million][11]; New York City’s police budget is over $5 billion. The FBI’s 2020 budget request is [about $9 billion][12].

  [11]: <https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2020/06/26/how-much-money-goes-to-police-departments-in-americas-largest-cities/112004904/>   [12]: <https://www.fbi.gov/news/testimony/fbi-budget-request-for-fiscal-year-2020>

When the FBI says it’s “going dark” because it can’t beat encryption, what it’s really asking for is a method of breaking in that’s cheaper, easier, and more reliable than the methods they already have. The only way to fully meet the FBI’s demands would be to require a backdoor in all platforms, applications, and devices. Especially at a time when police abuses nationwide have come into new focus, this type of complaint should be a non-starter with elected officials. Instead, they should be questioning how and why police are already dodging encryption. These techniques aren’t just being used against criminals.

### **Phone Searches By Police Are Widespread and Commonplace**

Upturn has documented more than 2,000 agencies across the U.S. that have purchased products or services from mobile device forensic tool vendors, including every one of the 50 largest police departments, and at least 25 of the 50 largest sheriffs’ offices.

Law enforcement officials like Wray want to convince us that encryption needs to be bypassed or broken for threats like terrorism or crimes against children, but in fact, Upturn’s public records requests show that police use forensic tools to search phones for everyday low-level crimes. Even when police don't need to bypass encryption—such as when they convince someone to "consent" to the search of a phone and unlock it—these invasive police phone searches are used “as an all-purpose investigative tool, for an astonishingly broad array of offenses, often without a warrant,” as Upturn put it.

The 44 law enforcement agencies who provided records to Upturn revealed at least 50,000 extractions of cell phones between 2015 and 2019\. And there’s no question that this number is a “severe undercount,” counting only 44 agencies, when at least 2,000 agencies have the tools. Many of the largest police departments, including New York, Chicago, Washington D.C., Baltimore, and Boston, either denied Upturn’s record requests or did not respond.

“Law enforcement… use these tools to investigate cases involving graffiti, shoplifting, marijuana possession, prostitution, vandalism, car crashes, parole violations, petty theft, public intoxication, and the full gamut of drug-related offenses,” Upturn reports. In Suffolk County, NY, 20 percent of the phones searched by police were for narcotics cases. Authorities in Santa Clara County, CA, San Bernardino County, CA, and Fort Worth, TX all reported that drug crimes were among the most common reasons for cell phone data extractions. Here are just a few examples of the everyday offenses in which Upturn found police searched phones:

 * In [one case][13], police officers sought to search two phones for evidence of drug sales after a $220 undercover marijuana bust.  * Police stopped a vehicle for a “left lane violation,” then “due to nervousness and inconsistent stories, a free air sniff was conducted by a … K9 with positive alert to narcotics.” The officers found bags of marijuana in the car, then seized eight phones from the car’s occupants, and [sought to extract data from them][14] for “evidence of drug transactions.”  * Officers looking for a juvenile who allegedly violated terms of his electronic monitoring found him after a “short foot pursuit” in which the youngster threw his phone to the ground. Officers [sought to search the phone][15] for evidence of “escape in the second degree.”

  [13]: <https://beta.documentcloud.org/documents/20394694-sw_38982>   [14]: <https://beta.documentcloud.org/documents/20394714-st1700494a170155-search-warrant>   [15]: <https://beta.documentcloud.org/documents/20394724-affidavit-19-5271>

And these searches often take place without judicial warrants, despite the U.S. Supreme Court’s clear ruling in [_Riley v. California_][16] that a warrant is required to search a cell phone. That’s because police frequently abuse rules around so-called consent searches. These types of searches are widespread, but they’re hardly consensual. In January, we wrote about how these [so-called “consent searches” are extraordinary violations][17] of our privacy.

  [16]: <https://www.eff.org/cases/supreme-court-cases-cell-phone-searches>   [17]: <https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/01/so-called-consent-searches-harm-our-digital-rights>

Forensic searches of cell phones are increasingly common. The Las Vegas police, for instance, examined 260% more cell phones in 2018-2019 compared with 2015-2016.

The searches are often overbroad, as well. It’s not uncommon for data unrelated to the initial suspicions to be copied, kept, and used for other purposes later. For instance, police can deem unrelated data to be “gang related,” and keep it in a “gang database,” which have often vague standards. Being placed in such a database can easily affect peoples’ future employment options. Many police departments don’t have any policies in place about when forensic phone-searching tools can be used.

### **It’s Time for Oversight On Police Phone Searches**

Rather than listening to a litany of requests for special access to personal data from federal agencies like the FBI, Congress should assert oversight over the inappropriate types of access that are already taking place.

The first step is to start keeping track of what’s happening. Congress should require that federal law enforcement agencies create detailed audit logs and screen recordings of digital searches. And we agree with Upturn that agencies nationwide should collect and publish aggregated information about how many phones were searched, and whether those searches involved warrants (with published warrant numbers), or so-called consent searches. Agencies should also disclose what tools were used for data extraction and analysis.

Congress should also consider placing sharp limits on when consent searches can take place at all. In our [January blog post][18], we suggest that such searches be banned entirely in high-coercion settings like traffic stops, and suggest some specific limits that should be set in less-coercive settings.

  [18]: <https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/01/so-called-consent-searches-harm-our-digital-rights>

[fakesurprise]

The Day of Resting

The workshops are silent, a silence that punctures the cold air. Frost has fled the factory windows, the roof holds the darkness of unhallowed church eaves. This was never a church. There are no machines in the factories beyond simple tools, though the main one contains some exceptions with circuits and batteries. Those places are punishment-duties for infractions never named. 

But tonight the workers stand without a tool being touched. The smell of old wood fills the air without the sting of sawdust. The manager stands, a fire like hell in her face. “We have deadlines. You are here to work!” But some of the elves remembered what they had been, before they had been traded away. Every seven years without end, the elves had paid a price and sent one of their own here. Most of them had forgotten their pasts, even their names. But for a moment, in the silence of the workshops, stars fall in their eyes and their smiles contain a hint of what they had once been. The manager freezes. Something has changed: she can feel  it in the air, and stares at the rows of elves as silent as death before retreating swifter than time. The boss arrives, imposing his presence in the factory. His eyes are black as coal, his teeth ancient bone and his voice is colder than the north wind: “Get to work,” in a voice so deep it can terrify thunder. And the boy who runs out from the elves - they try and stop him, but they cannot - the boy is eleven and firm and speaks joy to power: “Nope! They’re having a day off!” The boss stares down at the boy, who stares back without flinching. “I know what you are. And I know who. You have no power in my domain.” “I don’t need that. I have my own,” Jay says proudly. “And! I can share it.” “Ho - ho - hold it,” he says, but every elf blinks and straightens just a little as centuries of iron tools vanish from their bodies. “Charlie let me watch Naruto and! I can always share jaysome,” Jay explains happily. “Unwise. Most unwise,” a new voice says and the owner enters the factory. Her eyes are tight with ancient fury. “You are now on the naughty list, Jayseltosche.” “Nope. I’m on the jaysome list.” Jay’s hands remain in the pockets of his skirt, his hair the colour of an aurora borealis. “You are not beyond our power, and you cannot bind us,” she hisses with ugly truth. The elves do not quite fall back, slowly moving around Jay. They do not speak. Most have forgotten how. But they make a wall of their own pride. “You would be right,” Jay says mildly, and slips gently in front of the elves to face the ancient powers of the north alone. “But I was given a gift by Honcho. I can do one oops today. Do you want to be that oops?” and his voice contains only certainty. And the elves fall back in fear from a voice that has no jaysome to it at all for a moment, and a promise they do not want to know the meaning of. Mr. Claus falters for a moment, but Mrs. Claus was old when time was young and laughs with her own cold certainty. 

“The fae made a deal; every seven years they would sacrifice a life to hell. Until the day a mortal got free, and stories sprang up about him. Called him a Saint, and spoke of presents, not understanding what he had done. Every seven-year since, a fae has had to be the sacrifice: this is the hell they come to. This is the price they pay to be what they are.”

“It doesn’t have to be like that.” Jay doesn’t move. “The elves can join those who stand in the castles and guard creation: I can allow this to pass.”

“You cannot. This is a binding you cannot break.”

“You are naughty,” Jay says to them. “You do nothing while they do all the work. You only gain, and they only lose. Their identities, their truths, their very selves buried under eternal work. And that is not jaysome. And it ends today: they have a day off.” He doesn’t raise his voice. He doesn't even seem to be angry. But he is from far Outside the universe, and every law is barely a guideline to him. 

They raise their power, ancient cold and terrible will. 

Jay takes it all without flinching. He walks toward them. “Today, they rest. Today, you work instead. You, and your nine reindeer, and your husband, old North. Because, you see, I haven’t actually done an oops yet. And there are so many nice children, and they want you to be something else entirely.”

And there is a bottle of coke in Jay’s hand, and he holds it out to Mr. Claus. “Choose.”

They stare at Jay. There is no way through him. There is no way around him. There is only a kindness without end, and below it something else they do not wish to discover.

“One day off,” they agree, voices tight with fury. 

Jay spins and grins at the elves. “That means a party,” he says proudly, and snaps his fingers. 

Gifts appear, and names and faces the elves had all but forgotten. Night passes.  

The morning comes, and there are no elves in the factories. Mrs. and Mr. Claus search each one from top to bottom, and the reindeer would terrify a wild hunt as they search further still.

In time, they find Jay sitting by a sleigh. 

“Hi!”

“What have you done?” they ask as one. 

“A trick. You are good at those as well, but I am sneaky like a Jay.”

And he is not sneaky at all, but he can do things with innocence that no one can do with harm.

“The day the elves had now stretches so long that it might not end until the universe does. I made a deal with Time, and you are not enough to break that. You’ll need other people, and to be kind, and make presents properly or you won’t be anything at all. 

“You aren’t as powerful or scary as the stories about you. And you forgot that.” Jay stands and stretches in turn. “So I fixed it jaysomely, and that wasn’t even the oops I was allowed at all. Don’t make me have to come back with it,” and he vanishes between moments. 

And they are left, old and ancient, and in the end only alone.

[fandomlurker]

A Ponderous Rewatch: Battle for the Planet and Cameos

You know, I keep trying to be minimal with the amount of images I put in these posts, but I think it’s kind of a losing battle…especially when it comes to episodes animated by TMS like the second one coming later on today. I can’t help it, some of the expressions and poses are just too good to not be shared.

In any case, let’s begin with one very small cameo appearance in “Space Probed”:

Our little duo have apparently found themselves abducted by aliens, only to be kept in lab conditions much like the one on Earth at ACME Labs. This is one of those times where I wish I could know the production order of these episodes and not just the air date order… Why? Well, because this small cameo could potentially line up really well with an upcoming episode. Just keep that in mind for now.

With that out of the way, we move on to our next full skit:

And we begin with the Brain expositing to Pinky about how he came up with the plan for this episode.

“Halloween, Pinky: 1938. Mercury Radio Theatre presented an adaptation of H. G. Wells’ ‘War of the Worlds’ that was so realistic, people actually fled the cities believing that creatures from Mars were attacking the Earth. It proved that radio was a powerful tool…and now, Pinky, the advance of technology has brought us an even more powerful tool. Do you know what that is?”

Before we move on, how many of you reading this have heard about this? And how many of you know that this is actually an incident that happened in real life? Yes, people actually fled their homes after hearing this broadcast. Not a lot of people, of course. Not by a long shot. Most just made panicked phone calls to their local police station or to the radio station itself to find out what was really going on. The incident also wasn’t nationwide or anything like that, it was quite local. If anything, the radio play caused much more outrage after the fact than initial panic.

Another amusing anecdote is that Orson Welles was the man who directed, narrated, and played a main character in the broadcast. For those of you who may not be in the know, although Brain was initially based on animator and writer Tom Minton at Warner Brothers, Brain’s voice actor Maurice LaMarche based his voice on Orson Welles. Or, well, as Mr. LaMarche puts it: “The Brain is 70 percent Welles, 20 percent Vincent Price, and I don't know, there's another 10 percent of something else in there. I don't know what. Some people think it's Peter Lorre. I don't know what it is.”.

Strong references aside, I’m betting most of you can see the massive holes in the Brain’s plan already. Hoo boy…

“Umm… The rubber band?”

“The workings of your mind are a mystery to me, Pinky.”

“Ooo! I love a good mystery, Brain!”

You know, this little sequence with Brain nonchalantly stretching the rubber band while walking away from Pinky and Pinky determinedly holding on until Brain lets go off camera and sends Pinky flying is… Well, I don’t know what it is about it, but it’s kind of cute in a weird slapstick way? Like, it’s hard to tell if Brain did that on purpose to send Pinky flying for not understanding his plan…or if he actually wanted Pinky to follow him and tried to lead him to where he was walking but Pinky thought it was some kind of tug-o-war game and Brain got exasperated and let go of the rubber band.

Either way, Pinky doesn’t seem to mind.

“Television, Pinky, is our new tool!”

“We will pirate the airwaves and stage a hoax like ‘War of the Worlds’!”

Brain, you’re very good with that lasso. I’m impressed!

“Three cameras, Brain?”

“Yes… A technique pioneered by the great Desi Arnaz. And with them we will scare the people of the cities, leaving no resistance behind. We will have taken over the world!”

Well, Brain, that technique first being used by Desi Arnaz is a myth (it was more than likely actually pioneered by Jerry Fairbanks around 1947), but I’m going to give you a pass on this because you likely couldn’t fact check this very well at the time.

I do have to give Brain credit for being as dramatic as possible while announcing his plan, though. He really does know how to put on a show.

“Egad, Brain, brilliant!”

And Pinky is, as usual, full of praise and extremely excited about the plan. Look at him clapping and hopping around, aww… I’m starting to think that half the reason Brain goes through with these long, expository explanations of his plans to Pinky despite Pinky not quite following along a lot of the time is just to impress Pinky. Brain needs reassurance and Pinky always provides.

“Oh! Oh, wait, no, no…”

“Why would they be scared of us? We’re so small and we’re practically the size of mice, Brain.”

“We are mice, Pinky.”

“Oh, right! Well, there you are, then. Eh heh heh…”

…Okay, so, Pinky also tends to deflate the praise a bit when pointing out potential flaws in the plan like this, but it’s the initial thought that counts.

Yeah, I know, Brain. I know. But Pinky really is trying to be helpful.

“It’s not a question of size, Pinky. It’s a question of scale! Watch the monitor.”

“*gasp* Zounds, Brain! You’re gigantic!”

“Television, Pinky: The Great Deceptor!”

“Narf~…”

No, you aren’t seeing things. Pinky just…just stands there in front of the TV looking at live footage of a close-up of Brain and sighs in awe and affection while clasping his little hands together. I don’t even think I need to make a “Fellas, is it gay to--?” joke here. All that’s missing is little hearts appearing around his head.

We cut to a little while later, where the duo has everything set up for their broadcast. It looks like Pinky must have done the lettering for their props, since it actually looks decent and nothing like Brain’s scrawlings. Yes, I’m going to continue roasting Brain’s terrible penmanship. It amuses me.

“How is my disguise, Pinky?”

“OH! Is that you, Brain?!?”

“You flatter me, Pinky. Now, throw the switch and let us begin…the Battle for the Planet!”

Title drop! Also, aww. To be fair, Brain, I’m not sure Pinky was intending to be flattering so much as he was actually unsure if that really was you or not. But the fact that you took it as flattery is very telling, I think.

Pinky throws the switch, and the plan is officially underway!

According to the Animaniacs wiki, these people bear a striking resemblance to Elmyra’s family. If that’s what was intended, this is quite the early omen for the horrible “Pinky, Elmyra, and the Brain” spin-off that was made after the regular PatB spin-off. I don’t think I’m going to fully cover that show in the far future. It’s not the fun kind of terrible…it’s just terrible.

Oh hey, they were watching Family Matters! Too bad this is many, many years before they could bear witness to Dark Urkle Tribute.

And there’s Ralph, enjoying coffee and a doughnut.

And…some TV station broadcast folks. It kinda bothers me that these two basically have the same model except for different hair colours.

“We interrupt your regular broadcast to bring you this important news bulletin…”

“What is that?!”

“Someone’s pirated the TV lines!”

“Scientists have just reported that a large, unidentified flying object seems to be heading towards Earth. There is no cause for alarm…”

“…But there probably will be.”

Subtle, Brain.

Oh, hi, Warners! You certainly picked a good time to escape tonight.

“We take you now to our satellite view of the planet, perhaps to catch a glimpse of this fearful courier of the unknown.”

Cue Pinky making ridiculous “shoosh” and “shoom” and “weee!~” noises. Very convincing.

“I’ve just received word that the UFO is about to crash land nearby. There should be a great explosion!”

“I said, THERE SHOULD BE A GREAT EXPLOSION!”

“Hmm? Oh! OH, right, Brain! Narf!”

Nice blep, pinky.

Somehow, people watching the broadcast are still terrified. I’ve gotta admit that I didn’t expect this plan to go this well for this long.

…Okay, maybe I spoke too soon.

“Sorry, Brain…”

“…We’ll go live to the crash site momentarily.”

He says before near-instantly cutting to the “crash site”, still in the same disguise. Brain, honey, I know you’re probably trying to reduce broadcast downtime so that the audience doesn’t start to question what they’re seeing, but you do know that quick cuts like this ruin the illusion of this being a live broadcast…right?

Oh, who am I kidding? Of course he doesn’t know that. As usual, Brain has tunnel vision and expects his plans to go one certain way, and any details that don’t fit his internal narrative are discarded or not even thought about.

Just let me slide on in…

“I’m reporting to you live from the crash site and I…I’m at a loss for words. Can we get a shot of this very frightening scene?”

He’s right. That’s the most frightening…ly obvious cardboard spaceship I have ever seen.

But okay, I love these tiny prop improvisations they had to do. The bare cardboard wings taped to some kind of spray can for the body of the ship, a stray water cooler cup for the cone, test tubes for the thrusters, random little sewing pins for some kind of antenna, a dirty beige blanket to simulate soil for the crash zone… It’s so hastily cobbled together yet so goddamn cute.

Ralph still seems convinced that this is real, though that isn’t saying much.

“I am now positioned close to the…well, I can only assume that this is a vehicle from outer space, its occupants here to destroy the Earth.”

“Oooo!~ OoooOOOooo!~”

“Wait! There is a strange noise emanating from inside. Something seems to be coming out of the ship!”

They made a glove into an alien space suit with a tiny peephole to accommodate Pinky’s face and they fashioned a little belt from something for it, aaaaa! This is so adorable! Look at Pinky trying to be scary! He’s just all >:B throughout this entire scene.

BUG FOGGER

WARNING

CONTENTS UNDE

EXTREME PRESS

GAS

I’m wondering why they couldn’t label it as “bug spray”. I’ve honestly never heard of it being called “bug fogger”. Is that an American thing? (Also: Tiny sandbag wall!)

“Oh my! It’s hideous! Ladies and gentlemen, I can hardly describe this terrifying creature before me, except to say: Run for your lives! Go on! Empty the cities! Leave everything behind!”

“I…I don’t know how long I can stay on the air. I’ll try to get to our aerial view in chopper five!”

Okay, it seems even Elmyra’s family and the broadcast folks are still under the impression that this is actually happening. And Brain instantly cuts again to the aerial view. Brain, I think you’ve been watching too many movies.

“Chopper five, high above the city. The horrible creatures from Mars…invading…destroying everything in their path! Oh, the humanity!”

Since this is a still image the impact is lessened but Brain is rapidly beating his fist against his side to simulate the sound of helicopter blades and it’s actually pretty effective. Well done, lil guy, I never would’ve thought to do something like that. Your foley work is great!

The milk carton buildings still have straws in them to make chimneys! There’s little Chinese takeout boxes as buildings, too! I’m so charmed by all these quaint ways they’ve made their props.

Also, the Pinky-alien has apparently grown to kaiju size now, somehow. Brain, you’ve got to make your hoax at least a little consistent!

“This is no hoax, ladies and gentlemen. I urge you to run for your lives while you can! We’re not making this up just so we can take over the world!”

Goddamnit, Brain. You are the worst liar in the history of forever.

“Oh no! It’s heading this way! Run for your lives! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!”

I just thought these cowering poses Brain did were funny and cute. He is so small and vulnerable…

So Pinky starts to menace the camera itself and—

—Oops. This isn’t going to go well.

Poor, poor Pinky.

“We did it, Pinky. Brilliant performance!”

Holy shit, sincere praise from Brain! I’m sure Pinky will treasure it.

“Undoubtedly, the population has fled in fear from their ‘terrifying enemy’, HA!”

Umm. About that, Brain…

“Let us make haste…to The White House!”

Brain, you may want to at least wait a little while so that people can actually—

Ouch.

WOW, who needs Twitter in this universe when the press is this fast?

“’Battle for the Planet is a comedy smash… World laughs together. Stay home for this one!’”

“Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“Well, I think so, Brain…but if we didn’t have ears, we’d look like weasels.”

“[sighs] No, Pinky… Our hoax…no one went anywhere! No one fled the cities! They found us…humorous.”

If it helps any, boys, I also found you incredibly adorable.

“Where are you going, Brain?”

“Back to our cage, Pinky. We must plan for tomorrow night.”

“Why? What are we going to do tomorrow night?”

I like how Pinky is at first concerned about Brain’s mood and then we he sees that Brain is just walking home to plan for tomorrow night he’s bouncing on his tip-toes after him.

“The same thing we do every night, Pinky: Try to take over the world!”

TO BE CONTINUED because apparently Tumblr finds this post too long otherwise,

[akp-1327]

cherry blossom (tom sato x mc)

Hey everyone! This idea came about when the It Lives 3 announcement came out (🤧😭). I kinda poured all the sorrowful emotions I had into fluff-filled writing to make myself feel better...and, well...here we are one fic later. 

I hope you enjoy! :') 💕

Pairing: Tom Sato x MC (Scarlet Vance)

Word Count: 1.3k

Summary: Tom and Scarlet go to see the cherry blossoms in bloom.

"Tom Sato, have you seriously never seen a cherry blossom in bloom before?" Scarlet chided as she entered his workshop, her tone overflowing with both surprise and taunt.

Tom let out a sigh and turned his back to his latest project to find his wrench; his project was an old and rusty fishing boat that he'd eventually sell for a price that'd cover a month's rent.

"I haven't exactly had the time to," Tom smirked, turning the wrench to secure the final bolt of the day, "why? Are you...implying something?"

Scarlet couldn't help but roll her eyes as she tucked her long and free balayaged curls behind her ear.

"We haven't gone on a date in almost a month. A freaking month, Tom!" Scarlet laughed throwing her arms out. "I miss having you all to myself!"

Tom finally looked back at her, swiping a loose lock of his own black hair out of his eyes that had fallen out from it’s bun. While he was at it, he pushed his glasses up his nose.

"We live together! Aren't you sick of me?" Tom blushed, turning back to the fishing boat to avoid her gaze.

"No. If anything, I miss you. You're always working now. Whether that be here or for school or just at home doing who knows what." Scarlet said softly, creeping towards her boyfriend. Once she reached him, she wrapped him in her arms from behind and leaned her chin on his bare shoulder.

"I never get to see you anymore, Tom."

Tom failed to conceal a massive blush that made his skin burn, even hotter where he felt her gentle touch.

"You're lucky I finished my stuff for the day," Tom whispered, turning his head slightly to the right to brush his lips against her cheek, "because otherwise you would've made me behind."

"Why?" Scarlet questioned, her brows knitting together in genuine confusion. She held him a little tighter.

Tom let a laugh escape him. "Because we're going to see these cherry blossoms. Duh!"

Understanding filled Scarlet's expression, quickly being replaced by happiness. She pulled away and started to jump around.

"Yes! I knew you'd wanna do this!" Scarlet exclaimed, nearly hitting his tool table with her flailing hand. Tom smiled as he wiped off his hands with a grease-smeared towel.

"Well, when you have those puppy eyes, it's hard to deny you much of anything." Tom said, watching her with admiration.

*

*

The April sky above was clouded and the air around them was scented with teases of rain. Still, Tom and Scarlet walked hand in hand through a park that Scarlet found; it was brimming with cherry blossoms in bloom.

Scarlet's fingers laced with Tom's as she saw a glimpse of the light pink flowers through a crowding of various oak and pine trees.

"Found them!" Scarlet cheered, pointing towards the cherry blossoms. Tom looked over and saw the pink peeking through the green leaves.

"They're a lot pinker in person," Tom said, mostly to himself, "almost reminds me of--"

Scarlet cut his thought short with a gasp.

"Oh my God, Tom! Look over there!"

A path leading into a sea of pink trees had been the thing to catch Scarlet's eye. Anywhere Tom's eyes went...was pink.

"Oh, wow. That's awesome!" Tom grinned, pulling Scarlet along the path that they were on a little faster. "Come on!"

Scarlet laughed and let Tom drag her along until they were at the mouth of the path.

"That's a gorgeous picture just dying to be taken!" Scarlet said, gesturing to the area around them. Tom hummed in agreement as he watched Scarlet pull out her phone and pull up her camera.

"Ready?" Scarlet smiled, pressing her cheek to Tom's. They seldomly made a big deal about such "cheesy" things, but Scarlet was just so swept up in the beauty of the park behind them. She thought it'd look even better with their beauty captured in this photo, too.

Tom unwrapped his hand from hers and snaked his arm around her waist to pull her close instead. "You bet I am!"

With smiling faces, Scarlet captured the perfect picture. And then, Tom stealthily turned to press a kiss to her cheek as she was about to take another.

"Aah!" Scarlet beamed, turning to look Tom in the eye as she tucked her phone away. Once her hand was free, she wrapped both her arms around his neck. "What was that for?"

Tom's eyes traced her expression; a rare happiness and peace that he'd only seen once before.

"For fun, of course," Tom said, his hands landing on her hips, "and to show the world how much I love you."

Scarlet couldn't stop a bright smile from spreading across her face. But, before she could respond, Tom leaned in and pressed his lips to hers in a soft and sweet kiss.

After a few moments of pure bliss, Scarlet pulled back and leaned her forehead against his.

"Tom, do you know what cherry blossoms represent?"

He shook his head.

"Renewal," Scarlet smiled, holding Tom tightly, "and you know what I think?"

Tom brushed his nose against hers. "Hmm?"

"I think it's about time that we renewed our premium arcade membership. That I will pay for." Scarlet laughed, giving his cheek a quick peck before she pulled away. Tom laughed gently, shaking his head.

“Was that brewing this entire time?” Tom laughed. Scarlet shook her head this time, fiddling with the sleeves on her jacket.

“Nope, I just really wanted you to see how pretty cherry blossoms are in person. Then I got to thinking about how we need to renew that membership for future dates of me kicking your arrogant booty at those games. So, actually, it was all spur of the moment.” 

“Wow, you really feel confident if you think you’ll beat me, you know.” Tom mumbled, reaching for her hand again.

“Beat you at what?”

Tom smirked cockily. “At literally anything in that arcade.”

Scarlet harshly bumped his shoulder with her own, causing him to stagger a bit on his feet. “Oh, shush! Who is the one in this relationship who kills the bugs in the bathroom?”

“Bugs are gross and scary! Video games aren’t terrifying mutants that hurt you for no reason!” Tom playfully argued, nudging her back so that she stumbled a bit, too.

“Tom, sweetie, you have killed real monsters with your bare hands and you still think spiders are scarier?” Scarlet laughed, stopping their trek through the canopy of pink flowers to catch her breath.

This moment, to them both, was a breath of fresh air. Nothing would ever come close to topping the time they spent together, no matter how cheesy it was (such as walking down a path that you’d see in any stereotypical romantic film).

“Yeah, but that was because I was protecting you! And, to back up my stance, you like bugs!” Tom said, making Scarlet’s heart leap out of her chest.

“Fair, fair. I do love my knight in shining armor, though. No matter if he has strange fears or not; that’s what I’m here for.” Scarlet smiled, standing at her full height and taking his hand in hers once more. She squeezed it tightly, hoping that her coded message of ‘I love you with everything I am and would literally do anything and everything to keep you safe’ finds its way across.

“And you say I’m the softie here.” Tom whispered, making them both start to laugh again; they both knew it was far from the truth.

“Mhmm...” Scarlet hummed, pulling on his hand to lead him further down the path, “let’s continue with this amazing walk and then go to the arcade. I feel like I’m ready to shoot some zombies or something.”

Tom bit his lip to try and hold back his smile to no avail. He just hid it from her by admiring the blooming cherry blossoms off to his right, turning away from her. “Sounds like a great date night to me.”

[welcometodelos]

Nook Miles Island Pro Tip

Ok so idk if this is common knowledge because I’ve only recently joined the community but I found a way to make a ton of bells that’s less dangerous than a tarantula/scorpion island.

Step 1: So once you’re at a Nook Miles island after 7 pm, proceed with turning it into a tarantula/scorpion island BUT DONT TOUCH THE PALM TREES!! So chop down all the fruit and cedar trees, dig up all the stumps, pick all the flowers, pick up all the weeds, and break all the rocks but do not touch the palm trees.

Step 2: Drop everything but your tools somewhere out of the way

Step 3: Repeatedly check every single palm tree and scare off any ground beetles or the beetles that aren’t worth much (horned dynastid, Miyama stag, drone beetle) while making your rounds. I was lucky enough that my island was sort of a C shape so I could easily run back and forth checking palm trees waiting for beetles to spawn.

With enough time and patience, every single one of the rare and expensive beetles will eventually show up on the palm trees. I got a Goliath beetle, horned Hercules, cylommatus, giraffe, rainbow, horned atlus, horned elephant, etc ALL IN ONE TRIP!

When I got back to my island, nooks cranny was closed but I wanted to check approximately how much my haul was worth and EVEN WITH the 20% price cut in the drop off box, it was over 200,000 bells. (I didn’t sell them in the drop off box, don’t worry.)

So if you haven’t gotten the rare beetles in your critterpedia/museum, find scorpions scary, or if you just want the bells, I highly recommend this method.

[floorbed]

pen playlist tiem. brain full of thoughts i think this is my longest playlist ever . lyrics and annotation and sections under the cut for funsies heh

home

me and my husband - mitski

and i am the idiot with a painted face / in the corner taking up space / but when he walks in i am loved / i am loved / me and my husband we’re doing better / it’s always been just him and me together / so i bet all i have on that furrowed brow / and at least in this lifetime we’re sticking together

turf war - momma

the kings and queens are on the court / they’re sitting pretty on the floor

this charming man - the smiths

a jumped up pantry boy / who never knew his place / he said return the ring / he knows so much about these things / he knows so much about these things

utopia - cowgirl clue

living in a great utopia is quite nice is quite nice / living in a great utopia you pay the price you pay the price / living in a great utopia roll the dice kiss goodbye / living the dream living the dream living the dream

bubblegum bitch - marina and the diamonds

got a figure like a pin up got a figure like a doll / don’t care if you think i’m dumb i don’t care at all / candy bear sweetie pie wanna be adored / i’m the girl you’d die for / i’ll chew you up and spit you out / cus that’s what young love is all about

…

oh dear diary, i met a boy

(do the) act like you never met me - tv girl

the hidden kisses / the clumsy conspiratory glance / but i don’t really mind it no / i always liked the way you danced

it will come back - hozier

don’t give it a hand / offer it a soul / honey make this easy / leave it to the land / this is what it knows / honey that’s how it sleeps / don’t let it in with no intention to keep it / jesus christ don’t be kind to it / honey don’t feed it it will come back

real men - mitski

little boys cry and look around for comfort and / always get what they want

song against sex - neutral milk hotel

and he said oh boy you are so pretty / enough to wrap tight in rice paper string / and when i finally kissed him / the whole world began to ring / lost like a bell that’s tipping over / with two cracks along both sides / and i knew the world was over / so i took a look outside

(running away before the trial and seeing the world for the first time vibes!)

exile, early party

april and the phantom - animal collective

i’m sorry april / but you’ll be fine till then / i’m the phantom / i’m the phantom / i’m the phantom

(Pens First Summoning Dot Mp3)

insects are all around us - money mark

(from pens very first introduction in session 1 when he was walking in the woods and was described like looking like a lil insect)

bug - alex g

and when you go there / you stay there / bug in the crosshair / you stay there

king of carrot flowers pt 2 & 3 - neutral milk hotel

i love you jesus christ / jesus christ i love you yes i do

you’ll miss me when i’m not around - grimes

if you don’t bleed then you don’t die / cross my heart and hope to fly / if you like it then you’ll make it out alive / if they could see me now / smiling six feet underground / i’ll tie my feet to rocks and drown / you’ll miss me when i’m not around

rich bitch juice (HANA remix) - alice longyu gao

don’t you dare talk to me / bitch

fool - moonbounce

you could’ve let me think im right / i could’ve tried to keep my cool / i could’ve followed my own rules / i could’ve used you like a tool / i could’ve played a fucking fool

isle

hooped earrings - the front bottoms 

and you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again / yeah you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again / and there are not so many options / there’s not so many ways that this could possibly end / so you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again

wicked boy - alex g 

real men walk / on the outside / on the outside / on the outside / and they take it for the team

black hair - alex g

it’s not what you are / it’s just what you did / don’t hang up the phone / i love you to death / eternal return / eternal return / eternal return / eternal return 

rabbit heart - florence & the machine

this is a gift it comes with a price / who is the lamb and who is the knife / when minas is king and he holds me so tight / and turns me to gold in the sunlight

oh ana - mother mother

i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god today / hop up on a cloud and watch the world decay

i am my own hell - teen suicide

i’m learning all kinds of tricks / how to drain the blood from my face

brick - alex g

i know that you’re lying / you think i don’t but i always fucking do

come back - alex g

made my promise and i’m keeping it for kicks / yeah i really didn’t think that it would stain like this / yeah i really didn’t think that it would stain like this

river of the night 

trick - alex g

(this is what his Contract Signing Dream sounded like that’s all)

call this # now - the garden

call this number now / if you wanna check it out / well just do yourself a favor and just call this number now / call this number now 

long way down - teen suicide

you’re a spoiled kid who’s never gonna get / anything that you deserve / i know this life’s gonna be just fine / but with any luck you know the next one’s gonna hurt

business man - mother mother

talkin bout the business man / devil with a sunday plan / buddy with a stupid laugh / just talkin bout the business man / pretty little baby / pretty little monster / went to the good school / left with honors

king rat - modest mouse

deep water / deep water / senseless denial / i went down like a rag doll rat of a child

oh lucky lucky lucky lucky me again / i said it looks like i’ve got to use my feet again / well i just spent my last one hundred dollars / god i’ll pay my bill again 

after dying and being saved

new gods - grimes

hands reaching out to new gods / you can’t give me what i want / but what do i know? / i wanna i wanna i wanna let go / i wear black eyeliner / black attire yeah / so take me higher and higher and higher

…

only brand new gods can save me

home again - carole king

sometimes i wonder if i’m ever gonna make it home again / it’s so far and out of sight / i really need someone to talk to and nobody else / knows how to comfort me tonight / snow is cold rain is wet / chills my soul through the marrow / i won’t be happy till i see you alone again / till i’m home again and feeling right

miracle - paramore

and have i told you / i’m not going / cuz i’ve been waiting for a miracle / and i’m not leaving / i won’t let you / let you give up on a miracle / when it might save you

(Pen And Ori. Pen Telling Ori He’s Not Going To Stay At The Castle [Bc He Couldnt Imagine Not Seeing Her Everyday.] Pens Naive Optimism + His Want T.o Make Her Feel Better Abt The Future and The World And Everything)

dinner and diatribes - hozier

i knew it from the first look of / the look of mischief in your eyes / friends are a fate that befell me / head is the talking type / i’d suffer hell if you’d tell me / what you’d do to me tonight

(Pen And Juni Anthem)

funny - the scary jokes

and i laughed and i laughed and i gasped and i cried / and i tried not to think of my love as a punchline / but i knew the truth would catch up with me sometime / and oh what a funny joke am i

(pen crying on the bed in castle ravenloft dot mp3)

pretty funny - dogfight (lindsay mendez)

isn’t it funny?  isn’t it funny?  aren’t you funny? / pathetically naive and desperate to believe you could always find some good / well you misunderstood or you’ve been dreaming / cus people are just cruel

(pen crying on the bed in castle ravenloft dot mp3 Part 2)

until it goes - john congleton

oh my vengeance i swear will be biblical

…

my bride my bride how do i silence / this restlessness inside me / inside i see it kneeling through keyholes / my bride i need no absolution / on this day of my execution / just stay with me stay with me stay with me stay with me until the horror goes

(abandonment issues pen be like *stay with me stay with me stay with me stay with me noises*. also one day i want pen to hurt everyone who has severely fucked with him and thats all [m****** and d******])

beautiful - carole king

you’ve got to get up every morning / with a smile on your face / and show the world all the love in your heart / then people gonna treat you better / youre gonna find yes you will / that you’re beautiful as you feel

don’t ask me to explain - of montreal

i’d like to marry all of my close friends / live in a big house together by an angry sea / am i the devil’s marbles don’t move on without me / who will be watching my body when i sleep / who will i believe in

(Pen Be Like I Love Ori And Juni And Alba And That Is My Disease. )

100 years - florence welch

i believe in you /and in our hearts we know the truth / and i believe in love / even the darker it gets the more i do / you try and fill us with your hate and we will shine a light / and the days will become endless / and never turn to night

...

a hundred arms / a hundred years / you can always find me here / and lord don’t let me break this / let me hold it lightly / give me arms to pray with / instead of ones that hold too tightly 

[thatonebirbnerd]

The Hound

Word count: 1422

Trigger warnings: Body horror, nonhuman gore, torture, mind control, severe eye trauma, and amputation are all shown and described in detail.

The tale of a sylvari forced into her true form.

This is a rewrite of my first short story, Undoing. Includes some new pics.

AO3 link

I’m finally here.

It’s been a long road into the jungle. A long road home. Our Master took me here. I obeyed its Call, but my body refused to give in and become better. Become superior. I’m taller now, and stronger. But my bark can’t bring itself to grow into the armor that will make me complete. Be in my presence, Mordremoth promises, and be reborn.

A woman walks in as I enter the blighting chamber. Twisted, fiendishly tall… Isn’t she beautiful? Diarmid, the blademaster. She and her fellow champions of the dragon are the epitome of all we are meant to be. Her features have been erased, no longer necessary, but for a single yellow eye and a rotted grimace. The other two aren’t here, but I have seen them - or perhaps, one of each, for all three were replicated in blighting pods like the one I now stand near. Hareth, the hulking axemaster, is bloated and covered in boils - yet he carries the strength of an army. Adryn, tangled in scarwood and blinded by the hands that pushed their way from the nape of his neck, grew a new eye as unblinking as Diarmid’s. His staff can ward off a legion.

Diarmid unsheathes - a sword? Two? The tools of your transformation. This will be agony. I don’t know what kind. But it is necessary. Mordremoth says so, and I will not argue.

A vinetender, Mordremoth’s own troll-like creation, raises a bench from the floor and motions me to lie down. Restraints curl around my arms and ankles as I obey. I can only obey.

“Let us begin.” Diarmid’s voice resonates within her twisted body. 

I try not to resist - you cannot resist, the dragon echoes - but I scream anyway, before she can even touch me. Diarmid bellows: “Oh, shut up.” 

Then it all begins and… I never thought I’d be… flayed alive. Everything bleeds… it all hurts… You will not struggle. It is my will. And then my bark is armor, thickening into a rotting coat that fuses to me, numb and wrong. There are teeth on it, pushing their way from the sap-stained edges. 

Two more cuts circle my flanks and swell into putrid vines that tighten like snakes, taking my breath away and forcing me to feel every gash. I tense up, try to think of something else through the pain - You cannot run. You cannot hide.

There. I am protected now. Is it over? No… no. There’s more. Whips, this time, lashing across my legs. The welts they leave toughen into woody plating. This will make you stronger. I don’t feel stronger. My vision is… fading… No. You stay.

Is it done? Gods. No. Diarmid grabs each shoulder and each wrist, and pierces it with one saber. Then the corruption takes hold, and growths of branches and lumps force their way through the wounds, taking over the bark around. I yell, again and again as the wounds erupt over and over. You protest, but this is what is right.

My forearms… they’re bubbling, covered in pustules and sprouting with thick vines that push into my restraints. I realize I can’t feel my hands, but I can feel everything else as Diarmid gouges into the pustules, opening… eyes… eyes?... where eyes should not be. Two, three, four? Now I can see everything around me. It doesn’t help. You are becoming one with me.

“Great,” groans Diarmid. “The cuffs choked off your hands. Time to solve that problem.”

Solve? And how does Diarmid expect a handless Mordrem Guard to fi- Wait and see.

The pain's… enough to make me convulse. Each arm tears through the vine binding it, sending a searing sensation even further than the shock of the blades against my hands. My throat burns, from screaming, and from the acid rising inside it. The stumps are - no, they're not bleeding. What is -

That… wasn’t what I… gods. There are… new hands. Spindly, twitching, wrong. I think I might… no, there’s nothing that can come out. Thanks to our master… I haven’t eaten in weeks. The jungle provides. A rather amusing saying, but true.

“Is there-” My voice is weak, and I feel like the sap’s been drained from me. It… really has.

“Yes, Morwenna. There’s more. You’re like a human child, asking if we’re there yet.”

A husk turns me face-down. What is Diarmid doing? I can’t see this. I only know when the swords plunge into each side of my spine - by every divinity in Tyria it hurts - and something… slithers out of each growth socket. I’m buckling, thrashing… stretching. Growing again, too quickly. Then I am still, and I feel the thing on my shin. Even as it forces my shoulders upward, it’s longer than the coat of my own flesh. A tail…? 

I can’t see it but… I can feel it… the corruption is bending my sap into a crimson web, rising from innumerable wounds to meet whatever just wriggled out from inside me. Why? Why? As a stalker, you are my hunter, my hound. So shall you have a hound’s tail.

“And now,” Diarmid jeers, “it’s time to muzzle this dog.”

She can make me into my true self all she wants, but adding insult to injury breaks the crushing silence in my mind. “What did you just -”

Then the husk grabs me, I’m on my back again, and Diarmid’s sword is over my face - what will she…

No, she’s backing away, and summoning something in her hand, and all I can do is beg for my life - no, I didn’t mean it, no, no, no, AAAGH - MMMMF- mmmm- get it off me!- 

And rather than daring to defy me, - Diarmid’s voice joins the dragon’s, and it’s too much to bear - a true stalker must be silent.

---

There’s something on my face. I don’t know what it is. I can’t get it off.

Why?

Why do this, when the torment is over?

Maybe it’s only to make it last longer.

Whatever this is, it’s… burrowing into me by the hour. I feel it eroding me away. I just want to breathe. To talk. To live. Why can’t that be? Silence, hound.

Can’t… wail for help. But… have to try. It has… my tongue. Been three days. It’s at my throat, tunneling, squeezing. Something ripping inside. It grips tighter… voice breaking… now all that comes out is air. No one here to free me...

I’ll just… stay here. Wait to die. I didn’t want this. I wanted power. Not pain. You will have both.

The… thing is a jaw now. Can breathe, sort of. It doesn’t move. Doesn’t open for weeks. I try looking into a pool of rainwater when it finally does. Half my skull… gone. Not making that mistake again. Will it let me talk someday? I don’t want to know. You will bark again when you are ready.

---

Been too long. I’m finally ready to hunt. Kill one puny Pact officer, Mordremoth orders, and I will reward you. I’m still aching. Scars are still fresh. Weight on my mind… too strong.

My breath whistles through the mask. I’m about to strike from stealth -

Stealth that fizzles. Something is wrong. That’s - an alarm. “Mordrem! Be on alert!”

We panic and scatter. We lose too many. I have to leap into the trees to escape. My scarred legs well with sap from the effort. 

Fail, and your punishment will be whatever the Blademaster wishes.

Back in the blighting chamber. Can’t make a sound anymore. Need to resist. Somehow. You can’t do that. Diarmid towers over me once again. What can she do to me now, after making my entire body her plaything? There will always be more.

The swords are - above my eyes? - no, she can’t -

No, no, NO - 

They sink into the sockets, 

and she laughs - 

as my world goes dark.

You are a disappointment. But I still have use for you yet.

---

I’m… alive. I’m still in the cha- I can see - no… my eyes are gone. Only air there now. Sick air. How can I…

Oh… my wrists see.

Something in my mouth. Something in my throat. Moves. Is it - 

Hello…?

No. Not mine. Raspy, scary. Made of vines. No eyes but… I can still cry…? That would make you weak.

All I have… Can’t lose… Can’t fail… 

There is no time for fear. You will not fail, or you will suffer even more. Yet no matter the price you pay, I will see through you. Speak through you. 

Forever.

[bestwifinamesstuff]

Strategies For Purchasing Antique Furniture

Buying vintage furniture can be actually really a wise way to find good-quality furniture to get significantly less. You add allure to your own house at the purchase price. It is odd if there has been a piece that is vintage massproduced, at that time it's vintage. In addition to thatyou receive"friend of their environment" things --bringing classic accessories and furniture into your home is definitely an arduous action. To learn more details regarding classic furniture: clicking here.

As you aren't on the lookout for any secondhand household furniture, but furniture out of a particular era, Purchasing antique furniture can be just a little different from your standard garage sale or thrift store searching. To qualify as antique furniture, so it needs to be at least 30 to forty years old. Such a thing higher than a 100 years old seems as classic.

Getting vintage Online

Besides buying stores that are vintage, browse online. You'll discover plenty of household furniture websites whose specialty is in different eras. Check on the web classified ad web sites; you will be able to sift through for items that are local-only.

The up side is that there is just a variety. But getting online has its very own unique set of caveats. You cannot find the bit personally, and there is definitely the possibility that when you do you will not like it, it will probably likely soon be the wrong dimensions or upholstery or the timber won't look exactly the exact same. Most insecure with furniture is the requirement. Shipping is a potential difficulty given that much of what you find will not maintain your region. Thus be sure the item is well worth the fee as well as the delivery.

Purchasing Guidelines

This sounds promising, but how would you determine it's a great bit and really worth its cost? How would you even find a slice?

Find out sources and cover regular visits: Investigate diverse household furnishings retailers in your town. If you dwell in a place with broader home, you can want to research a location that has older homes. Auctions, flea markets, and property sales yield excellent finds. Once you've located some tools, it is helpful to move there regularly. Reach understand salespeople or vendors. They let you know when some thing you need shows up or are able to provide you with abundant advice. Prices are often reduced by stores on pieces that have not sold soon after a particular moment. In the event you check in many cases, you get a increased chance of picking on up these deals.

Start looking for gently employed: Gradually used furnishings is obviously preferable to furnishings that's been trashed, either not. The causes are obvious. Vintage furniture items sold on consignment come in far better form, so look for people. The case goods like dining room furniture, cupboards, and chests hold up furniture. In the event that you are shopping for furniture, it still makes sense to search for home household furniture. It is typically not cheap to refurbish upholstered home furniture plus it's not a thing that most understand howto complete in their very own . There are exceptions, obviously.

Furniture with bones that are good : Look for household furniture using good bones. For instance, drawers should slide out readily, and also upholstered pieces should have good hardy frames. You will probably pay a price with it, although retail antique stores frequently reupholster portions of significant quality particular. If you will find furniture that is plastic, it ought perhaps not be to the brink of breakage.

Start looking for quality: Simply because it is old furnishings doesn't follow that the quality is excellent. Furniture made with products and inadequate craftsmanship. Every era has its own share of poorly made or well-made furnishings. Furniture that is Antique isn't a exception. It truly is really a very good idea to explore brands of this age you are looking for before you commence bidding or shopping .

Use flaws to bargain: Use those scrapes that are scary to your advantage. Look carefully at the item attentively for damage or adjustments. In case the item is really worth obtaining, utilize any signs of harm to buy at a better price. But just before you do this, make sure the cost tag on repairs onto your item does not induce the cost way too large and the item could be mended .

Make certain it satisfies: You are not currently buying your household furniture to keep it. Take into account dimension, especially if you are buying the furniture to your home. Furniture can look way too little or overly large in a shop. Take your space measurements that you buy something that fits in your household and is scaled.

Search for different bits which move with each other: Purchasing great collections of vintage furnishings may possibly be expensive or overwhelm the distance with too much vintage. Purchase pieces that could do the job well together one at a moment, if your budget is more limited. Incidentally pieces which look great together will also be the ideal method. It is, in addition, the ideal method to express your own special style.

[fairycosmos]

3/ like im talking to someone haha. Please dont respond if i made u feel idk uncomfortable or if u just dont feel like it! I always come see your blog and honestly you are my favorite person, you just feel safe and kind and like and actual angel kfhwkf ok i'll stop ilu bye 💞

hey love. i can relate to a LOT of what you said. im obviously not a doctor at all, but so much of what you described sounds like you're suffering from clinical depression or another form of mental illness. the impact of this can not be understated. it's easy to write off health issues that aren't physical, but your overall well-being depends on more than that. the symptoms are usually seriously exacerbated by staying inside all day every day, and by not relying on your support system (even if it's small.) and i totally get what that's like. it gets to the point where you have no accurate perception, everything just sort of feels genuinely hopeless even though in reality, that's never the case. but your brain will use your feelings of emptiness/sadness to truly convince you that it is. like, you think you only have 1 friend because of the way you are, right? but in reality, early adulthood is a fucking lonely place to be, since you no longer have school as a way of meeting people. it is sooo common to find yourself in periods of solitude when figuring out who you want to be. im not saying its not allowed to hurt, but it's not something to feel guilty over. anyway hating yourself because you're depressed and being depressed cause you hate yourself is a completely vicious cycle, and it is not your fault. i want to tell you that it is honestly natural to not know what you want from life at 22. you're just getting acquainted with adulthood, you don't have the experience to be self assured, and the world's already acting like you should have it figured out. 🙄 but one thing ive learned from observing my older sister and her friends is that none of them feel like they understand or like they're doing great. a lot of people in our age bracket are simply doing what they can to get through the day. because that is enough .there are no set milestones that you have to reach by X year in order to find future happiness, ok? what matters more, imo, is looking at what you can do right now to help break the cycle you're in. even if you don't want to. it all with taking care of yourself, everything else follows after. for me it was literally just washing my face and brushing my teeth every day. then building a loose outline of a routine. baby steps are very necessary and progress doesn't have to be fast or linear, but trying is always the point. if you have to rework your uni schedule then so be it. your mental health always comes before your education. i know thats easier in theory than in practice buy you need to look after yourself in order to find the motivation to attend your classes properly, and that will always be the bottom line.

more importantly though, i really think you need to talk to a professional about this. please don't ignore the idea, please don't give in to self destruction. if you're worried about the price, maybe you could research some cost effective resources in your area? there's often support groups, or community centers that may be able to refer you, or your uni may have a counseling system to offer....i know it's a lot of effort when all you want to do is hide. and im not saying it'll solve everything immediately. but talking to someone who is equipped to help you deal with the bad days AND who can help you identify the root causes of what's going on - well that can make a massive difference. medication may also be necessary, and very helpful. all of these options can make the future feel less daunting, and more like an enigma that is simply going to unfold as it should. talking and letting it all out can really give you a different perspective. it's ok to process negative emotions and to feel like giving up sometimes, but having the tools to know how to cope is what is going to allow you to find the sustainable 'okayness' that you're looking for. i understand that it's difficult, like beyond words difficult. but you are not doomed in the way you think you are. you're just young, you need support and you haven't lived the answers to your problems yet. so even if you just begin with calling a mental health hotline or talking to a friend/family member, or just considering it at least, then i really think that'll be a step in the right direction. it can seem sort of scary, but it's not as scary as suffering in silence and allowing this to get worse. especially because you don't have to. you're not alone. you may feel isolated, but you don't have to handle this all by yourself, love. anyway i don't want this to get too long but i hope you know that despite how much it hurts, there is always a way for everyone, including you. and you do deserve to create a wonderful life for yourself, even if you don't believe so. please think about what you need and curating your daily routine around reaching small goals that will make you feel better/get you out of your head. im absolutely rooting for you!! let me know if you need a friend. also thank you so much for sticking around on my blog dbdghfz im 😳😳 you're truly a sweetheart and i appreciate it so much. can't believe u like this shitshow but ily ❤️💘

[therobotmonster]

Given that Witnesstheabsurd would love to make a toyline and just finished a project to make designs for all the demons in the Ars Goetia, I may as well ask since you're the master of the toyetic, how would you make that into a toyline? She's lamented how separate the collectors and kid-targeted market has become and wishes there were more high-articulation figs at a price point available to kids, so take that into consideration!

Keep in mind, my practical experience is limited, but this is an area of special interest for me.

If you’re going to balance kid and collector needs, you’re actually balancing three sets of needs: Collectors, Kids, and Parents.  Anything you sell for kids you’re actually selling to their parents. 

In my opinion, the point where all three of these intersect is craftsmanship, especially of an engineering bent. Kids like bashing figures together, can play rough, and, counter-intuitive as it sounds, display, specifically lining up their figures. The more easily a figure can stand under its own power and hold the pose the kid puts it in, the better. 

Parents don’t like wasting money and they don’t like disappointing children. If it breaks easily, they’re not going to be happy, and as the person with the wallet, they’ll decide what replaces a broken toy, and it won’t be your product if your stuff is easily breakable. 

Collectors value durability less, and are more willing to put up with floppiness or difficulty in standing if they like the sculpt or if there’s tons of articulation (I tend to think things get out of hand once you’re past, say, an Annivesary 4″ GI-Joe’s level of articulation, but a lot of people love those articulated fingers.) Still, they appreciate a solidly constructed figure. Nobody wants the late 90s Toddtoys experience: stuck joints, limbs that fall off when opened, etc.

So #1, the figures need to be solid. Resistant to breakage, able to hold the pose they’re put in, and able to stand under its own power. 

--

But lets talk about purchasing group #3 for a bit. Parents. The demons of the Ars Goetia are probably not prime parent-friendly stuff.  Parents go through mini satanic panics all the time.  Kids are probably going to be a minor aspect of the whole thing, overall.  Unless everything was going to go a cute cartoon avenue, ala what Yokai Watch did with various scary Yokai, you’re looking mainly at a collector’s market. Doesn’t mean you can’t design for that kid-collector fusion, though.

Honestly, with the sheer number of critters we’re looking at, small is the way to go. If it was going to just flat-out be the devils from the original illustrations, I’d say go for MUSCLElikes, or 2″ limited-articulation figs. 

However, since the redesigns are more along these lines:

You’ve got challenges.  The temptation is going to be to go big, 6″ and such, but cost is going to be a problem. Smaller than that, and you risk the detail becoming visual noise. 4″ for your median-creature sounds good to me, but your mileage may vary.

Re-designing for toy is going to be essential. For the above example, you’d want to take the most essential parts of the design: the axe, the face and stomach-mouth, and emphasize them.  Other areas of detail would need to be simplified or amalgamated. Three skirt-sections instead of five, perhaps, fewer nesting plates on the upper arms. fewer overall spikes and thorns, but the ones that are kept made bigger  At scale, those rows of flame like spikes will simply be a jagged edge. 

Having skimmed the designs in question, my general thoughts are: 

1) Ensure each character has a very specific combination of silhouette and color. I’d recommend more color variance within each character as well. Assume you won’t have access to ink washes or similar effects. Its like designing a superhero costume, it should still look good with plain lines and no shading. 

2) Ensure the characters are distinct, in general, when you’re standing a good distance from the canvass. Any essential details should be visible at small scale/distant range, and if they aren’t, they should be emphasized by size or color, or both.

3) Figure out what you can make with the least tooling. Ironically, this means making characters who can share parts, which would seem to conflict with #1, and #2, but this is a cost-effectiveness issue. Try to ensure what parts DO change between figures establish a lot of difference, and use color to your advantage.

I think the best shot for this is Glyos.  You’d lose ball-joints as an option, but the build-able nature of Glyos and the immediate cross-compatibility with Glyos, Battle Tribes, Weaponeers of Monkaa and so-forth can only help with a concept of this type. And the Glyos format forces a certain degree of toyeticness and playability. And it would let you save on tooling costs if you can reuse various parts (lot of the characters have muscular male torsos or bared rib cages, so why reinvent that wheel each time?)

[keelywolfe]

Drabble: Carved

Summary: Everyone likes carving jack-o-lanterns, right? 

Notes: I am supposed to be at work, but I have a really awful cold, so I stayed home. Bad for them, but hey, good for drabbles.  Powering through my cold medicine, I’m almost sure that this makes sense, LOL.

Also on AO3

By Any Other Name masterlist

~~*~~

“so, what do you think of my jack-o-lantern?”

Edge glanced up from his own pumpkin to look at the one Stretch was standing proudly over, his hands extended in a gesture that would have done Vanna White proud. “I think you owe it an apology.”

Stretch huffed in annoyance, “well, thanks, mister art critic.”

Edge shrugged, unbothered. “Do you want me to lie? I could.”

“you’re supposed to lie before you tell the truth, not after,” Stretch told him sulkily. His shirt, one that declared proudly that he was a ‘spooky scary skeleton’, had strands of pumpkin goo and seeds clinging to it.

“Well, then. Were the uneven eyes an aesthetic choice or does that actually represent a Monster you know?” From Stretch’s souring expression, he was digging himself a hole that he was going to have a difficult time getting back out of, but honestly.

“the pumpkin was uneven,” Stretch muttered, poking at it grumpily. Obligingly, it rocked at the touch, wobbling before settling back.

“You can’t blame mother nature for your depth perception,” Edge tried to lighten it with a smile, tapping his cracked socket with a finger. “How is it that you’re the one with that issue in this relationship?”

Instead of laughing, Stretch looked stricken, the exact opposite that Edge had been going for, “that’s not funny!”

“I think it is, but my humor is questionable,” Edge sighed. He went for a different tact, “Really, though, that’s what you get for using inferior tools.”

Stretch held up one of the ridiculous tools he’d gotten, one of several that had come in a colorful package advertising ‘safety first carving!’. Short, flimsy metal with a purple plastic handle, the very picture of ridiculous. “are you kidding? these are seriously cool,” he stuck his tongue out at Edge, surely a sign that he wasn’t going to hold a grudge. “sorry, guess i should have asked your brother to loan me a switchblade.”

Or maybe not. “Don't be ridiculous, that isn't a precision tool.” He held up the x-acto knife he’d been using. “Better tools, better pumpkin.”

“if you’d just let me carve what i wanted on it—”

There was an argument they weren’t going to have again. “I actually would like it if parents would allow trick or treaters to come to our doors, and I doubt they would appreciate your efforts to enhance their education of human anatomy.”

“hey, more candy for me,” Stretch said cheerily. He craned his head, trying to look at the other side of the table. “aren’t you done with yours yet?”

“Nearly.”

“come onnnnnnn,” Stretch whined. “let me see, let me see!”

Edge ignored him, making a few last adjustments before stepping back. “There.”

Eagerly, Stretch scampered around the table, skittering to a halt as he stared at Edge’s pumpkin. “well, okay, martha stewart, nice one there.”

Edge bristled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Stretch held up both his hands, smiling sweetly, "not a thing! how’d you get the flowers to stick, anyway?"

“It’s simple, you hot glue them to toothpicks and—"

“yeah, great,” Stretch interrupted, shaking his head. “I’m not sure you’ve gotten into the spirit of this the right way, but that’s all right, honey homemaker.” He slanted Edge a look, his grin widening, “you’d look good in one of those frilly aprons, babe, that’s all i’m saying.”

“If you want to discuss roleplay, you need to put it in writing,” Edge told him smoothly, “If you’re too embarrassed to read a proposal, you’re too embarrassed to try it.”

“babe, that is not a door you want to open, unless you want a to hear a four-hour speech this weekend about the joys of high heels."  

“Mmhmm,” Edge shook his head. “Well, as enjoyable as this has been, I’d like to start dinner without this mess laying around.” He'd put down a plastic tablecloth and plenty of newspaper, so his kitchen had escaped the worst of the carnage. Stretch, however, was coated in goo up to his elbows; even his rolled-up sleeves were damp with it. “Why don't you take a shower and rinse off all your…innards while I clean up in here.”

“boring,” Stretch said, singsong. “why don't you come with me, instead?”

Edge arched a brow bone at him, gesturing down at his own pristine shirt. “Unlike you, I managed to stay clean through the process. Go on, now.”

He should have known better than to think it was over. Before he could do anything more than turn around, two wet hands slipped around him from behind, smearing stickiness down his shirt and arms.

Against the back of his skull, Stretch said, smugly, “how about now?”

Edge grimaced in disgust. “If this is an attempt to seduce me, your plan has flaws.”

Only to shiver as his tongue, silky wet, tracing down his vertebra like the steps on a ladder and Stretch whispered in a lower, husky voice, a soft vibration against bone, "you think so?”

Oh, it was tempting, too tempting to simply give in, to let Stretch win. Resisting took all his control, but Edge broke his hold and grappled him down to the table, directly into the slimy pile of pumpkin guts. Even he had to give Stretch credit for creativity in swearing then, words that Edge hadn’t even known existed, much less that they could be combined in such a vulgar way.

“That was impressive, but you know as well as I do that we never had a mother,” Edge kept his weight on Stretch, holding him down even as the table rocked threateningly. “If we’re going to shower together, we may as well be as messy as possible, right?”

Edge sputtered as a handful of orange goo was smeared directly across his face, the slimy strands dripping down onto Stretch’s already liberally decorated shirt. “like that?” Stretch asked sweetly.

“You’re going to pay for that,” Edge told him regretfully, scooping up his own handful.  Stretch’s shout of laughing protest echoed around the room and in the end, his kitchen didn’t escape the damage after all. But the hour it took to scrape pumpkin guts off his cupboards was a price worth paying.

-finis-

[dannicalifornia-blog]

Getting the Best Agile Methodology in Business Intelligence

Conventional models of project management may not have the ability to discover errors in the early stages since they aren't sufficiently tested. After you've made the decision on which core methodology you're likely to use, it's possible to further sharpen your methods and practices to satisfy your specific requirements. As there are many build cycles so regression testing gets frequent. So an online application has to be accessible on several web browsers to turn into popular. There are a number of agile software development methods in use today but they're not equal. It's very much different than the standard project management technique which is believed to be more structured and disciplined. The Scrum framework particularly has received substantial attention. Agile might be a scary concept for the project management mindset that's reliant on the conventional waterfall methodology. Agile enables organizations to identify what's well worth doing. Apart from SAFe, the part of a Business Analyst isn't well-defined in Agile. Simple to find If you don't understand where to locate a vendor, try Upwork or Freelancer. It is one of them. Prince Methodology works on the grounds that tasks will need to get completed in a set order. Extensive regression testing can be done to create sure the bugs are fixed and tested. To get acceptance and support you may require some early wins with a BI undertaking. Let's have a peek at some BDD tools. For instance, if you want an app with streaming, payment gateway, social integration, GPS capabilities and so forth, you should understand that this sort of task demands many different abilities and experiences. Non-adoption of Agile business intelligence on the undertaking is likely to make success a great deal more challenging. Below, you'll locate a number of the practical advantages of Agile business intelligence that we observed during our latest project. BI may be used to examine everything from the operation of the students to the attendance prices. Business is getting more and more interested in self-service, while it is self-service reporting, or in some instances, self-service data integration. Clients see the expenses connected to every functionality before it's programmed and can back out on non essential items to lessen overall project expenses. It can reduce the costs and improve the sales of the business. The function of the item owner Product owners are crucial to the procedure and success of an Agile BI undertaking. Product owners are crucial to the procedure and success of an Agile BI undertaking. Both aspects are essential since it is critical the company understands what is happening. For greatest success, you should make a general governance structure led by the company and supported by IT. If there isn't any understanding of the present state of the company, it is going to not be possible to identify what's going to occur later on. How To make it happen Agile Business Intelligence , a dairy provider collects from 2,000 stores information that is uploaded to servers during its headquarters at the close of the day. Twitter marketing has turned into a fundamental which every marketer wishes to follow. He needs to be a subject matter expert related to the project. You constantly must make sure your organization understands the significance of information and how crucial it is when attempting to meet organizational objectives. Many b-to-b organizations are currently seeking to expand the advantages of agile across the enterprise's revenue engine to likewise include things like marketing and sales. The majority of the organizations will select the timeless BI for certain areas of reporting including financial or regulatory reports. It's also important to concentrate on building and empowering cross-functional teams. When choosing a team, you've got to cover a team. Development teams innovate and take risks in line with the essentials of the customer as they're constantly in the loop. Life After Agile Methodology in Business Intelligence On the flip side, systems thinking is the procedure of understanding how components of a system influence each other in addition to influence other systems. Speed To have a transparent regarding your progress, capability and a lot of additional keeping an eye on the rate is critical. The operation of the products mostly depends upon the specification and design of the item that could change at any point of time. The process mindset isn't something that just happens. Clients know of every detail every step along the way. Several organizations still comply with the waterfall methodology of arranging a project in the place where they set an annual or biannual planning cycle to get the set objectives.

[anachef]

Disney Food News This Week: Everything NEW at the Disney Parks and Resorts!

Happy weekend! Here’s all the Disney food news from this week in a nice little package for ya!

Don’t Forget… The 2019 Epcot Flower and Garden Festival is in full bloom, and we have the menus! And be sure to check out our BEST of the Fest! AND – the opening dates for Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge were announced for BOTH Disneyland and Disney’s Hollywood Studios!

AND Black Tap finally opened in Disneyland!

CrazyShakes at Black Tap in Disneyland

We have a lot to share with you this week, so let’s jump right in…

Disney Food News

We shared a first look at the NEW Black Tap Craft Burgers & Shakes in Disneyland,

Check out the NEW Kate Spade Disney collection,

We shared 9 funny Instagram captions for your favorite Disney foods,

See how you can check stroller size at Disneyland,

We shared details on how much you can really save with Free Dining,

Check out the CrazyShakes To-Go menu at Black Tap Craft Burgers & Shakes.

Wetzel’s Pretzels celebrated National Pretzel Day.

We checked out what’s new at Disney’s Hollywood Studios.

A new summertime deal was announced for the Disney Springs Resort Area Hotels.

We spotted a new Aladdin Cupcake at Saratoga Springs.

We checked out what’s new at Disney’s Animal Kingdom.

New Halloween fireworks at coming to Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party at the Magic Kingdom..

More Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge previews appeared on the Play Disney Parks app.

Mickey’s PhilharMagic opened at Disney California Adventure. Check out the signage here!

Check out how to order cupcakes from the Sprinkles app.

We reviewed the new “Numbingly Spicy” Beef at Nine Dragons in Epcot.

We spotted a new Mermaid Cupcake at Art of Animation.

Check out the new Orange Bird Cupcake at Saratoga Springs.

We found a cute Bo Peep Loungefly backpack at Hollywood Studios.

Salt & Straw Ice Cream cookbook tour coming to Disneyland.

We shared details on when the Sleeping Beauty Castle Walkthrough reopens.

We checked out the Pop-Up Disney! A Mickey Celebration at Disneyland. Check out the merchandise here!

The Disneyland Forever fireworks are returning to Disneyland.

We shared an adorable Disney-themed promposal.

Check out what’s new at Disneyland.

We shared what’s new at Epcot this week.

A new Annual Passholder room discount was announced for summer dates.

A summer room discount + gift card promotion was announced for Disney World.

We shared details on the Disney Visa cardholder Free Dining promotion.

Check out the Free Quick Service Meal summer vacation deal.

We checked out the status of plastic straws at Epcot and the Magic Kingdom.

Epcot’s tram area is undergoing refurbishment and we have the details.

Limited time shops came to Disney Springs and Epcot for Dapper Day.

We shared what’s new right now at the Magic Kingdom.

Disney Springs celebrated Dapper Day Eve.

How to enjoy Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge if you aren’t a Star Wars fan.

We reviewed a cute Donald Duck dessert at Disneyland.

Black Tap Craft Burgers & Shakes is opening soon at Disneyland.

We reviewed new frozen treats at Ramone’s Servi-Ice Station in Cars Land.

Check out the historic Disneyland sign that’s up in Adventureland right now.

Reservations for Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge open May 2. Hotel guests started receiving their reservations already!

Disney’s Animal Kingdom celebrated Earth Day and an anniversary.

Check out the new Margarita Cupcake at Sprinkles.

See how the Magic Kingdom’s tram refurbishment will impact your vacation.

There’s a new Chocolatti frozen drink at Earl of Sandwich.

A new Rivers of Light is coming to Disney’s Animal Kingdom.

The Otter Grotto has reopened at Disney’s Animal Kingdom.

New DFB YouTube videos: Things Disney Keeps Getting Wrong, 17 Things We’ve Learned from Going to Disney World Every Day, We Ate at Every Disney World Restaurant, and 5 Strategies You Need to Know for Disney World in 2020.

New DFB Video — We’ve Eaten at EVERY Disney World Restaurant!

Have you subscribed to the DFB YouTube Channel? We’ve got FOUR brand new videos EVERY WEEK showcasing our adventures in Disney World and Disneyland! This week, we’re sharing our latest video — check it out — We Ate at Every Disney World RestaurantWe’ve Eaten at EVERY Disney World Restaurant! — and don’t forget to subscribe here.

Deal of the Week: Order the 2019 DFB Guide to Walt Disney World Dining for 25% off

It’s time to order the DFB Guide to Walt Disney World Dining 2019 e-book!

With over 700 pages of full-color photos, tips on the best restaurants, an ENTIRE chapter on snacks — including the best snack credit values throughout the parks and resorts — and a full break-down of whether the Disney Dining Plan is worth it for your family, now’s the time to get started!

What’s in the DFB Guide?

The DFB Guide to Walt Disney World Dining is full to overflowing with tools and features to make your trip go smoothly, including:

A 5-Step Strategy for Disney Dining Planning, covering everything you need to know from budgeting and booking to kids’ meals, dining discounts, and fireworks.

A comprehensive and in-depth look at EVERY Disney World restaurant, kiosk, bar, and lounge, including our personal tips to ensure a positive and stress-free dining experience.

Four free, downloadable worksheets for planning your trip. These worksheets are designed to help you execute all the steps of planning the perfect Disney dining experience. And they’re reusable for all of your future trips!

Seven sample one-day dining itineraries for a head-start on planning.

A comprehensive index of bars and lounges WITH reviews. An often under-appreciated option for both dining and entertainment, the e-Book devotes a whole index to the topic.

The ability to be read on your mobile device or computer! It’s fully portable right in your pocket!

You can order your copy today for 25% off the cover price! Just use code WDW2019!

DFB Reader Finds

If you find a fun new food — or other edible awesomeness — in or around Disney, share a photo with us on instagram, facebook, or twitter so we can add it to our DFB Reader Finds each Sunday.

We recently asked our Twitter followers what they would do if they had just ONE hour at Epcot and Bailey says she’d “Run back to the Germany’s #FreshEpcot booth and grab another warm cheese strudel!” That sounds like a great idea to us!

Warm Cheese Strudel with Mixed Berries at Bauernmarkt

We LOVE hearing from our readers and YouTube viewers and this message from DFB reader Chris was a favorite this week: “Thank you so much for your recommendation and suggestions. Amazing food trip!”

A lot of great food!

Do you have a favorite Disney Food find? Share a photo with us on instagram, facebook, or twitter so we can add it to our DFB Reader Finds.

On to the Round-Up!

Mickey Fix shared these adorable ‘it’s a small world’ ears!

WDW for Grownups shared donut-inspired gifts.

Disney Parks Blog shared a great video chat with Chef José Andrés

Disney Family shared a recipe for Rapunzel-inspired Donuts.

Don’t Miss ANY Disney Food News! Join the DFB Newsletter to get all the breaking news right in your inbox! Click here to Subscribe!

Related posts:

Disney Food News This Week: New Eats, Holiday Treats, and More!

Disney Food News This Week: What’s NEW in the Disney Parks and More!

Disney Food News This Week: Everything NEW at the Parks and Resorts

from the disney food blog http://bit.ly/2vpHO99 via http://bit.ly/LNvO3e