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Pick-A-Pile: Autumnal Heartstrings: How Your Next Partner Will Stir Your Heart This Fall Season 🍂
This is a timeless reading about how your next romantic partner will pull on your heartstrings and stir your passions during any Fall season!😄
Left-to-Right: Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3
👑Check out my masterlist to see all of my pick-a-card readings😊
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🔮Disclaimer: This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Tarot readings are based upon my intuitive interpretation of the cards and about possibilities based on your current energy. Energy is forever changing and nothing is set in stone. Always remember, you have your own free will to make whatever decision you feel is best.
🔮How I read: I use a mix of tarot cards, oracle cards, along with my intuitive abilities of claircognizance, clairaudience, and clairsentience.
🔮How this works: Close your eyes and take deep breaths, pick the pile you are most drawn to. If you aren’t drawn to any pile then that’s okay, these messages aren’t for you at this time.
Pile 1
Tarot Cards: Ace of Pentacles, 7 of Cups (in reverse), 3 of Wands, Wheel of Fortune, Ace of Cups
Hi my Pile 1's! So I see you crossing paths with your next partner as you buckle down and get serious about money. This could be a person that you meet in a Finance or Accounting course at school, a person you meet when you go to a social or professional mixer and they know alot about money, at an investment seminar for real estate or flipping houses, etc.
Now, when it comes to love, this fall, you're stepping into a season of new beginnings and exciting possibilities in love. You're not just sitting back and waiting for romance to find you; you're actively seeking it. With a sense of optimism and readiness, you're looking forward to exploring new relationships. You're planting seeds for something meaningful, ready to embrace new adventures in love with open arms. Your energy is all about anticipation and embracing the potential for something real and lasting.
Whatever the case of how you two connect, you will be first and foremost be seeking to learn more about money -- how to earn more, invest more wisely, how to make it grow. The relationship with your next partner will start out as platonic before it moves into being romantic. Your next partner has a clear idea of what they want in a relationship, no more beating around the bush. Meeting them might feel like fate, like they just waltzed into your life right on cue. They're all about seizing the day and diving headfirst into love, which is just the kind of energy you’re vibing with.
You have a curious mix of being open to love but also being very focused on financial abundance. So this is an interesting line to tow. The mix of your readiness to embrace new love adventures and your future partner’s clear-headed, passionate approach is the perfect recipe for a beautiful, passionate relationship. Take your time and really get to know one another before sex and this will be a much deeper connection.
Pile 2
Tarot Cards: 2 of Cups, 9 of Wands, 5 of Cups, 2 of Wands (in reverse), The High Priestess
Hey my Pile 2's, I am getting that your next partner is a soulmate connection. You already know one another in the 5D even if you haven't crossed paths in the 3D (yet).
This fall, you’re in a place where forming a deep, meaningful connection is at the forefront of your heart. You’re ready for a relationship that’s built on mutual affection, respect, and emotional support. You’re looking for a partner who reflects your depth of feeling, someone who matches your emotional commitment and understands your needs and desires.
Your next partner is someone who’s been through their fair share of life’s ups and downs. They’ve developed a resilience and a bit of a protective shell, but underneath that, they have a heart full of strength and endurance. They’re ready to stand by your side, ready to face any challenges that come your way. Their past experiences have made them a strong, dependable presence in a relationship.
There's a familiarity and love between the two of you that exists on a level deeper than the two initially understand and you two are really drawn to each other. This connection likely starts because you have some minor overlap of associates that you both know and you will likely cross paths held by someone you both mutually know, but aren't necessarily close to.
In your upcoming relationship, expect some moments where past heartaches or letdowns might pop up. But here’s the cool part – these moments are going to teach you both how to cherish what you have right now and look forward to the good times ahead. It’s all about learning from the past and focusing on building a bright future together.
This fall, you’re in for a love story filled with deep connections and lots of personal growth. Your relationship is going to be about really understanding each other and trusting those gut feelings. You’re heading into a meaningful, enlightening romance where you’ll explore all the emotional depths together. So, get ready to trust this journey, dive into the love, and soak up all the valuable lessons this season has in store for you.
Pile 3
Tarot Cards: The Magician, 6 of Wands, The Sun, 4 of Wands, 8 of Wands
Hi my Pile 3's! So what's coming through for you is that your next partner is someone you have been consciously manifesting. Like you didn't manifest them per se, but you have been working on manifesting someone with their qualities. This fall, you're in a fantastic spot for love. You're feeling empowered and ready to create something special in your romantic life. You're all about building a relationship that's not just exciting but also has a solid foundation. Your heart is open to a connection that's full of joy, support, and stability. You're ready to celebrate love, looking for a partner who shares your enthusiasm for life and deep connections.
There is alot of positivity and overall good vibes in this pile when it comes to the energetic connection, friendship and relationship between you and your next partner. Your future partner is stepping into your life with a whole lot of confidence and a recent win under their belt. They've got this "just conquered the world" vibe and are super excited to jump into a romance with you. They're the kind of person who loves to dive right into love, bringing a rush of excitement and quick-paced romance to the table. Imagine someone who's ready to sweep you off your feet and isn't afraid to move fast in love.
Your relationship is gonna be super awesome and full of good vibes. Think lots of laughs, straight-up honesty, and just feeling really happy together. You guys are gonna totally love hanging out with each other. It's gonna be this real, genuine kind of bond where you can just be yourselves, no faking it. It's all about having a blast and making the most of every single moment together.
As amazing as this fast-paced, joyful connection is, keep an eye on how quickly things are moving. Your partner's enthusiastic approach might sometimes feel a bit overwhelming. It's important to communicate and make sure you're both comfortable with the pace of your relationship. A good chat now and then will ensure you both are on the same page and growing together in a way that feels right.
Gear up for a fall that's gonna be like one epic romantic adventure, non-stop. With your vibes and your partner's energetic, all-in spirit, you guys are totally writing a love story that's nothing but thrilling. Just make sure to hit the brakes once in a while to really soak in all the awesome ways your relationship's blooming. You're in for a ride that's all about fun, love, and a ton of unforgettable moments – this autumn's gonna be legendary!
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I miss them so bad (Dick and Damian)
#ramblings of a lunatic#dc comics#damian wayne#dick grayson#ITS JUST NOT THE SAME MAN#idk i was reading nightwing must die (again...) bc i was in a funk and saw another post saying how fans exaggerate the closeness btwn them#and on the one hand i get it. there is a very rosy portrayal of their relationship you'll come across in fanon#and they weren't very close at the beginning of their relationship#but man. reading Nightwing must die again was like#YES they fight. damian instigates it and while dick tries to exercise patience he does fight back/lash out on occasion#but despite all that it's still emphasized how important the two are to each other#when dick is forced to picture a future where he's lost his way he pictures damian being the one to bring him back#not necessarily bc damian is his favorite person on the planet but bc he gave damian robin. for a lot of practical reasons-#-but also bc how far damians come is (i think at least based on this arc) a testament to dick that hes doing Something right#both as a hero/person#damian is more than just a burden saddled on him (although there's an element of that in their batman and robin run)#he's also a last remaining connection to bruce when he's gone (remembering where he comes from) AND he's training damian+#-his own way! with a dash of tough love and workaholic spirit inherited but also a lot of patience and focus on being More than the darkness#idc what ppl say nightwing must die makes sense for these two. its a retcon but one that works imo#that dick buried his head in the sand about how much damian meant/the responsibility he had to him bc it was a commitment he was afraid of#and how damian ultimately was a point of maturation for dick even if he went back to being Nightwing#they were SO goddamn close and now they're still close but only in ways that are implied#and their bond is deemphasized in comparison to each others bond w/ say bruce. which i think is a shame#it was a wrinkle! a fun wrinkle that the batfamily had that in some ways dick understood damian better than Bruce-#-even if he didn't feel like he could handle the responsibility of raising him full time#it kills me that bc of the n52 we never got the handover of the batman mantle (and damian) from dick to bruce#next nightwing writer...include a flashback to that moment AND have damian appear in the book in present....AND MY LIFE IS YOURS!!!#anyway. dick is damians brother but also damian a little bit imprinted on him like a baby duck and its rubbed off on dick#they're partners they're mentor mentee but most importantly they were batman and robin. and they were the greatest#NOT bc it was all peaches and roses but bc they cared for each other exponentially despite all that
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if your ocs were bosses in a video game, what do you think their boss fight would be like?
#red rambles#im thinking about this with mine and curious what other people have thought up#sidebar: i have been thinking about things like 'mechamics' and 'the kinds of attacks they'd use' and 'phases' and 'gimmicks'#i havent detailed them all here because i figured it wouldn't be what other people wanted to read#unfortunately it seems also everyone else thinks this. i want to hear about your mechanics....#so i guess ill go add mine in#kit and kat would be a pair of optional bosses who you fight together - kit a dex build who moves into a strength+dex combo in her second#phase; she doesn't get a second health bar#but it gets dramatically harder to hit her and she stops getting stunned nearly as easily in the second phase#and her hits get much harder#KAT (her gimmick partner) also has a second phase#if you haven't killed Kit before you activate Kat's second phase#(Kat gets a second health bar) she teleports herself and Kit out of the boss fight arena and (as they're optional)#this technically means you can progress but you get no winnings#and the next time you come back they're there again#im imagining them like ds1r havel where he's just like in a shortcut. they're camping a door#anyway you have to fully kill Kit to#get to kill Kat#and her second phase will activate when Kit dies in that case#and she'll go from infrequent but hard-hitting long-distance attacks to frequent long-distance attacks with less intensity behind them#and a set of melee attacks that do a lot of damage but require her to grapple you so if you don't get grabbed you're alright#meanwhile rex (the other one i discussed on discord) is a mainline boss who keeps dying and then just showing up again but he dies like#his ass is DEAD he's not walking off he DIES. okay?#you have to kill him at least twice for the mainline quest and there's even more optional places you can kill him#the first three or four sequential fights (only one of which is mainline) he's human the whole time#the second mainline fight he changes forms and his second phase is in dragon form#and he doesn't get a second health bar or anything but he does get aoe fire attacks#and gets to visibly take damage at increasing levels before you kill him#he also has a mechanic where on his last dot of health he can absorb like 4x the normal amount of damage#so when he should be one hit away from death he is in fact four or five hits away from death
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This was the moment kuni started the first draft of the plan that saved Dazai in 55 minutes i just know it
#it started a little out of spite but then kuni put actual thought and care into it after#unconventional mating rituals#forcing your partner to stay alive#and now I’ll probably read 55 mins next#ln 1 reread
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I've watched Jack's (Jacksepticeye's) playthrough of MyHouse.Wad, and at first, because I only heard of Doom and never played it, I let it play in the background. Until Jack's voice starts reading the attached letter to the game.
My thought immediately went, "This is something, and I feel like I'll like this something." I rewind it and watched it from the very start to the end. But I felt it wasn't all that it was, I bounced from his to the comments, explaining the game and all being recommended to play it for yourself. I don't have the resources to do so, so when I saw a comment about a video explaining it, I looked it up. The video lays out the house and the different ways you can go from point a to point b. I've seen Power Pak's after watching Jack's playthrough. And just now, I've watched Pyrocynical's video and theory on it.
There's two that stood out to me, near the end; he lays out the theories and practically dismisses the queer interpretations of it. Until now, I've always been in the camp of "Thomas and Steve were a couple, but due to the time period, or their families, they kept it hidden." When watching Pyro's video, I started realising, why were there pills on the bathroom floor, why the crib, the ring? And I felt like Pyro was nearly there, he was so close to putting it together.
But he dismisses Thomas perhaps being trans or that Steve and Thomas are gay--calls a "fat stretch" and "Level difficulty: Medium" respectively.
I've prefaced all this, because as someone who's transmasc, it felt invalidating. For months I've seen this game--although I never played it and only watched it--as a queer story of grief and loss, of processing that loss, of going through stages of denial, of reliving memories, of just wanting to reach an end where you feel at peace, of looking back on that journey and thinking to yourself that you've made it--past the hardships to a place where you can feel at peace again.
MyHouse.wad being as ambiguous as it is but leaving all these little tidbits is as when it comes to art, hard to piece together. But hearing about how there's also a trans interpretation of made me perk up, thinking, "oh, it's going to be talked about in detail," only to be disappointed.
So, despite being that MyHouse.wad has probably had this interpretation ("tHeOrY") put up already, I still felt compelled to write my own view on it using the pieces that I know of--but, there might be details that I describe vaguely because I don't remember them all that much.
We get tiny little small glimpses of Thomas through Steve's entries, of introduction we get along with the link to download it. And even just from the descriptions of the items in the game like the ring, the die, and whatnot. And the first thought is, "oh, they're gay, but they're not out," which is a sad thought, yes. But I held that interpretation close to me. It's a journey of Steve trying to get through his grief, of plunging in to his thoughts, dismantled and breaking apart as they are. The rawness of everything, of how for him, it probably felt so fresh still and this game, of going through their mod map is his way of processing--never mind how it consumed him, as he said.
And what I consider to be the best ending; the real beach, with a heart on the sand, initials--"S and A, forever". Who's 'A'? Isn't it supposed to be 'T' for Thomas?
I've seen how 'A' could be for "Allord", Thomas' last name, and at the time, yeah, maybe it is A for Allord. But what if it isn't? What if 'A' is the deadname--using that initial, despite it being a deadname, was probably used to protect them, protect him-Thomas. To be seen a heteronormative couple to get away from the hate, the stares, the animosity.
What about the excerpt of their death? Thomas' photo clearly being of a man? Well, that's just it. It's an indication of how the family has accepted Thomas for who he is and to honor him properly, used what a photo of what he looks like now, of who he really is. Proudly too, showing him as Thomas Allord, age 35, in the newspapers. This is their son, brother, and husband.
This is certainly something that will be labeled as a "fat stretch". The crib, then? The pills? And the bloodied bathroom? Perhaps, Thomas had gotten pregnant, experienced a miscarriage in the airport bathroom and had to be rushed to the hospital. As Steve puts in the description of the baby bottle; "It wasn't meant to be." And as he writes in his journal entry, he had a dream, a baby crying in the attic, in the crib, a still born baby.
Perhaps, Thomas was ready to carry the baby--their baby and due to complications, what happened, happened. They'd already bought the crib, but put it away, and we see, maybe both of them had hope that they still had a chance, clinging on.
"If Steve and Thomas are together as you say, then why does Steve refer to Thomas as "my friend" or "my childhood friend"?" Living through life closeted brings habits, unfortunately.
I've grown up without realising that I'm trans, and it was only the past few years where I've realised that the gender I was given and raised to be, isn't who I am. Despite my family knowing, they still call me with feminine pronouns, I get referred to as "sister", or "she/her" a lot of the times. And it's become the biggest norm for me that they just fly by my head without even noticing it, without getting the chance to say "that's not my pronouns".
Is this a "weak" point of the "theory"? No, because I see it as valid. People who aren't out or don't have the chance to express who they are live day to day with being misgendered, seen as someone they're not. I don't want to say, "everybody experiences this" or that there are people who don't go through intense dysphoria that it becomes crippling; I'm just saying, that for me, this is how my day to day is today, what it's like--a sort of cynical indifference to it that boils beneath the surface of my skin.
Or, this is Steve's way to be ambiguous; Thomas was Steve's friend first before they reunited, gotten married, lived together, after all.
Maybe, he wanted to detach himself in his grief and longing. A way to protect himself from the immense loss he's going through and this is his way of doing that. By saying that Thomas was just a childhood friend, it probably eased the pain just a bit.
Or, Power Pak states in his video, isn't it strange how explicit names are never--if ever, rarely-- given. Thomas' name doesn't show up until February of 2023. Steve's name is never used. Maybe, Steve wasn't the one who wrote the journal; a third party who saw the effects of loss on Steve, instead?
In the newspaper clipping of Thomas' life, it's stated how he reconnected with his high school crush, got married and moved in with his partner. The ambiguity could mean that the family simply didn't want bigots to be bigots toward their loved one.
In Steve's clipping detailing his life, he also reconnected with his high school crush. "Soulmate", this person is described as. And like with Thomas', "partner" is used, rather something explicit like, "husband" or "wife."
Although, "wife" can't be correct either since Steve doesn't have a partner listed who outlived him, simply his family.
With MyHouse.wad being as up for interpretation as it is, there's ways of reading into things, one can take it however way they want to, where they want to.
And I, personally, like to think that Steve and Thomas are happy together, with their cat, cuddled up together in their home.
You picked up Die. "Roll for intercourse?"
I feel so helpless, like I can't do anything to bring him back. I feel so sad and it feels like my heart is heavy. I can't help but think about all of the fun times we had together growing up. All of our adventures, our secrets, and even our arguments. I miss him so much and I can't believe he's gone.
You picked up Ring. "I do."
I attended the funeral of my childhood friend, and I was overwhelmed with grief. As I looked around at everyone else in the room, I could feel the sadness in the air... I never imagined that I would be saying goodbye to my friend so soon.
You picked up Wine Bottle. "Drunk Buddy." You picked up a Bauble. "Christmas makes me happy."
Happy Valentines day to the only person I ever loved. For a short time, you brought a little happiness to this painful existence called life. I hope we can be together again one day.
You picked up Baby Bottle. "It wasn't meant to be." You picked up Pill Bottle. "Refill needed." You picked up Full Pill Bottle. "Feelin' fine."
You picked up Game Controller. "It's my turn."
Somewhere, in another dream, the version of myself that winked back is sitting on the real beach, happy and content, knowing life is finite, there is no afterlife, and happiness is found in the small things around us that we can control. Happiness has to be fought for.
#MyHouse.wad#My Writing#-ish?#If someone reads this please be nice I know I probably got somethings wrong#Or that this interpretation has already been talked about#I just wanted to make a sort of timeline ish interpretation thing so I can get my own thoughts in order#I also know nothing about the Doom community and I only know stuff about MyHouse.wad#Pyrocynical practically dismissing the queer reading and then finding MyHouse's developer's previous partner as if to say#“See guys?” feels quite dirty#in a sense where it just leaves a bad taste in the mouth#Of course MyHouse.wad's story is fiction#but intentionally going out of your way to show the developer's family like it's a Gotcha Moment#Pyro was so close to putting the pieces of a puzzle together but it's as if he's trying to cram in two already interconnected pieces#Into the wrong holes and going “It just won't fit!”#Thomas and Steve left things ambiguous because there are things that are probably just too private and simply only for them#I can't believe honestly how he went about Thomas being trans or how Steve and Thomas can't be gay#Only to talk about their matching obituaries for the next theory#Then adding in the whole "the developer based this mod on his relationship with his partner is just#Do you not know how to separate fact from fiction? Because of course MyHouse is going to be fiction?#If Steve really is dead then Veddge's introduction to the game and saying how his “childhood friend” has passed and implying that#Veddge /is/ Steve? Do you not see how strange that would be? Or does he think that someone from Steve's life is just going around#With his account acting as if they are Steve?#My head's starting to hurt from all this Pyro honestly the fuck lmao
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Guess who finished writing the last chapter of Tainted City >:]
#it’s me I did#still gotta do some editing and have my partner beta read before I can post the last two chapters but#I did it I wrote way too much just dance fanfiction#what comes next? you’ll see#I do have plans but sometimes plans don’t happen#I hope I can still write the sequel after this but I’m about to graduate college so I have no idea what my life’s gonna look like next month#I also have some cirque du soleil fics I wanna write at the same time#yes cirque du soleil#I’m getting way off topic here#point is look out I’ve got two more chapters in the bank headed your way#and wish me luck
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As a Kaleidoscope of Death enjoyer, I'm really having fun with the vibes the Dreadful Night world is offering
#dreadful night#kaleidoscope of death#// maple#manhwa#listening to rain and river asmr too really sets that chilly camping in the mountains tone#what is one with bada's partner (i forgot his name) he's so sus#like he wants to help but the way he goes about it makes you think otherwise#ch 17 not killing hyungshin but giving him a death flag triggering statement smart but also cruel 😭😭#the full immersion and when the chills start OH YK ITS GETTJNG GREAT#i love reading horror over watching precisely for this reason bc you dont just follow a story#you flesh out a world in your head and you get to live in it as well#your consciousness stands among the characters while the plot plays out in your head#and when it's not just horrow but they're aware of exactly what's going on and are trying to play it smart#but there's still an air of wonder of what's about to transpire#LOVE IT#ch. 20 i keep forgetting his name 😭 but PARTNER DAMN WHAT A POT STIRRER YOU ARE#wait no sorry for judging you#ALSO this has got to be brain expanding for hyungshin like how a normal person should act learning it's a game#being annoying and curious and shit unlike partner here who is oddly calm about everything 💀#he moves so strategically it's annoying bro is the embodiment of never let them know your next move#also the way they incorporated sex here 😭 crazy#but i love the vibes so 🤷♂️#im glad we're all acknowledging that partner is truly blackhearted#cunning x perceptive is hiking up in my ship list lowkey#and a character trait i'm starting to like is 'ambiguously something' LMAO#ch. 22 this is a whole 180 from kod couple's dynamic#well granted they're in diff circumstances but still the personalities presented are very interesting#keeps me on the tip of my toes love these type of stories
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Weird that helaena didn't foresee this btw she has predicted nearly every tragedy that happens to the greens
#the people thinking this is bad bad and criston like umm... didnt they know we won.... NO DUMBASS#they got a bunch of not targaryens in charge and they dont know the lore.... dragons are power my guy#alicent noticing aemond having aegons knife.... girl open your eyes#a silent sister there in the side of the frame just in case akdhaksjsksjs#jace first man to experience mysoginy.... westeros is so progressive#daemon to be the one to end centuries of beef between two houses i cannot believe my eyes#or make it worse.... nevermind#rhaenyra needed a yapping partner mysaria is so needed actually akfhsksk#elisenda (if i remember right) getting sent for war akdjaksn#and who tf is she????#OH!!!!#asking your wife for money for your latest repair project akdhakskskdk#LARYS MOTHERFUCKER!!!!#alicent having to fight for her claim as REGENT against her own fuckass son CHRIST!!!!!#FUCKASS CRISTON!!!!!!#ALICENT THAT MAN IS ONLY EATING BREAD AND WATER FROM NOW ON#THE FUCKASS BALL!!!!!!!!#ALICENT KILL THEM ALL!!!!!!!#aemond is the next in line new criston phrase#i did not give you lease(?) to speak my name#BARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAGGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#they want meat!!! hugh said the dragons are meat!!! are they going to eat vhagar???? lmaooooo#sick dungeon meshi reference#SLAY JACEEEE#alys queen.... humble daemon a bit more we nearly got him#HE SAID IT!!! RHAENYRA END THIS MANS RETREAT NOW!!! BAELA READ HIM!!!! YEAAAAHHH BAELAAAAAAA YEAAHHHHHHH AND RHAENA GETS DRIFTMARK#HELAENAAAA YEAAAH SHE KNOWS!!!! AGEON NOTICED HIS MOTHER OHHHHHHH YEAAAAH VERMITHOOOOR SILVER WING!!!! jace and rhaenyra scene god.... yes#talking tag#watching hotd#the jace and rhaenyra scene and that baela and corlys scene which btw gave me chills.... damn thats was so good
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i will shut up abt this i promise but like. the concept of being in a stable safe mutually loving whatever relationship is INSANE . like how can you ever feel bad about yourself or wounded or whatever again. it’s like a superpower or somethi ng. <- doesn’t know what she’s taking abt bc she’s never experienced it or the absence of it after having it merely the negative space of it and is filling in the gaps w logic or something. but it’s INSANE to me. like of course i feel like shit about myself i am catcrumb unloved.jpg!
#purrs#imbeing insane about it i know it’s not that simple / reductive and i will still feel like shit abt myself once im in a relationshp (if i#get to be ♥️) and there are lots of other legitimate reasons to feel shit agtbyiurself. but it’s like no ficking wonder i feel inadequate i#am a 24 year old who lives at home and has never held a hand or whatever next to two 50sometjinf year old married men with pets and phds. of#course i am going to feel inadequate and stupid and lonely. like i canttttt 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 and th w worst part is you can’t just go out into#the world saying that and looking for that it has to find you so i will not join any dating apps or whatever but i don’t fucking go anywhere#so im not going to meet anyone and i knowi am so young and stupid and just having a horrible day that is reminding me of horrors. but the#way i am mentally shoving my whole fist in my mouth. OF COURSE I FEEL LIKE SHIT I DONT HAVE A LIFE PARTNER!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE THAT#SAFETY AND STABILITY AND TRUST AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!!!!! AND I NEVER HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#delete later#like this is what makes me crazy abt parents and kids too and whyi don’t think ihave kids. bc i think (and i know this is wrong / unhealthy)#it is a primal human need to be mutually someone else’s number 1 person and when you have kids it’s like you’re gonna love your partner more#than the kids and then the kids (read: me) watch that and get fucked up over it. but also that could just be me reacting to the UNSPEAKABLE#psychological damage of being a twin. which again is ridiculous bc it’s n out like abuse i just had to share something with someone else si#since before i was born and ofc there was more like actually kind of abusive stuff on top of it LOL but that aside. idk what im saying i#just feel so crazy. the amount of composure it takes me every day to not start SCREAMING with frustration and envy when i see ppl being#RIGHTFULLY DESERVEDLY visibly confident and loved. like ok valentines grinch go sit in the drainage pond forever please. but it’s so crazy#like how are you supposed to go through the world unaware of how much love you’re missing out on because you’re young and then you realize I#it and then somehow you miss the train and you are scared you are going to d*e alone ♥️ im normal
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gross
#tomgreg#THEYR E SO CUTE IM GONNA actually be sick.#i hate so much tom's fuckin. laugh here bc its so high pitched and heS NOT HOLDING BACK. AGAIN.#something something he's his true self around greg something something after years of repression he feels alive again something something#schoolboy tom makes another appearance. he's so playful!!!#AND TOUCHING GREG'S SUIT AGAIN. just like the tie before in fucking UHHH i cant remember the episode. but s2 i think.#he does it really quickly though. like he remembers they're in public and he's gotta stop treating greg like they really are spouses.#and abt the next part don't worry i'm gonna be. talking. about That. but this part gets its own bit bc!!!!!! man#OH AND DONT THINK I DIDNT NOTICE GREG TOUCHING TOM TOO. TOUCHING HIS ARM UNNECESSARILY. they're so touchy here. sigh. sigh.#yet not a hug. just light touches. a hug would be too friendly. if that makes sense? these touches are more. spousal.#like you'd hug your mate at a party right. and sure you might hug a partner or spouse. but idkkk idk it reads more.#just the touchings of the suits. oh you look nice tonight dear. don't wanna spoil your pretty outfit. that'll happen later at home. GODDDDDD#BECAAAAAUSE OF WHAT THEY SAY NEXT!!! THE WHOLE. PROVE IT THING! OH HH GODDHNWEW#my head cracks open. ok okok ig ot ta go i'm going i'm fucking. bye#im so fuckin pressed about the nero sporus thing IF TOM HADNT SAID THAT BULLSHIT I WOULDNT BE THINKING SHIT LIKE THIS#i mean maybe i would BUT I WOULDNT ACTUALLY PUT ANY STOCK IN IT BC HE WOULDNT HAVE SAID IT OUT RIGHT. god. i'm in pain#lord send the plagues. end my suffering
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help a girl out pls
doing some promo for a friend hehe
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Pick-A-Pile: Obstacles You'll Overcome Together: What Challenges Will You Both Face In Your Next Relationship?
Left-to-Right: Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3
👑Check out my masterlist to see all of my pick-a-card readings😊
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🔮Disclaimer: This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Tarot readings are based upon my intuitive interpretation of the cards and about possibilities based on your current energy. Energy is forever changing and nothing is set in stone. Always remember, you have your own free will to make whatever decision you feel is best.
🔮How I read: I use a mix of tarot cards, oracle cards, along with my intuitive abilities of claircognizance, clairaudience, and clairsentience.
🔮How this works: Close your eyes and take deep breaths, pick the pile you are most drawn to. If you aren’t drawn to any pile then that’s okay, these messages aren’t for you.
Pile 1
Tarot Cards: 9 of Wands, 7 of Cups, King of Pentacles, Ace of Swords, The Empress
Hi my Pile 1's! So imagine you and your future partner as a couple of warriors, a bit battle-scarred from past relationships. Those old wounds might surface from time to time, but it's all about finding a balance between guarding your hearts and allowing yourselves to heal. The challenge here is being cautious without letting fear get the best of you.
Now, picture this: a room full of choices and daydreams, like a dessert buffet with endless options. The challenge lies in sorting through all those possibilities and desires without getting lost in the fantasy. It's a bit like choosing your favorite dessert when they all look so tempting. The key here is keeping it real and talking openly with your partner. When you both stay on the same page, you'll navigate through this maze just fine.
Speaking of dessert, let's talk finances. Money matters can be tricky in relationships, right? The challenge you might face is finding a way to handle finances together while maintaining your financial security. It's like trying to bake a perfect cake – it takes some careful measuring and mixing. Just remember to be responsible and share the load, and your financial cake will turn out sweet.
Communication is the next stop on our journey. Sometimes, misunderstandings or miscommunications can cause ripples in a relationship. But don't worry, it's just about talking things out honestly and directly. Think of it as having a heart-to-heart chat instead of leaving things unsaid. When you keep the conversation flowing, you'll cut through the confusion and keep your connection strong.
Finally, picture a beautiful garden, cared for with love and attention. That's your relationship. The challenge is nurturing it while also nurturing your individual dreams. It's like tending to a plant – you want it to thrive, but you've also got your own life to live. Finding that balance is the key. When you do, your love will grow like a gorgeous garden in full bloom.
In a nutshell my Pile 1's, these cards are saying that challenges are just part of the journey. By being cautious but not overly guarded, staying clear on your desires, managing finances together, communicating openly, and balancing your relationship with your individual goals, you'll overcome anything that comes your way. Challenges are like life's little pop quizzes – they're there to help you learn and grow, and your relationship will only get stronger as a result.
Pile 2
Tarot Cards: King of Cups, 3 of Swords, 4 of Cups, The Hermit, The Moon (in reverse)
Hey Pile 2's! Ready to peek into what the future might hold for your next relationship? Expect a few hiccups along the way, but remember, they're just hiccups—not roadblocks. Let's dive in. Imagine yourselves as experts in feelings. You're both capable of deep understanding and emotions. But beware! Some old emotional scars might sneak in. Think of these like an old diary from your teens—it's a part of you, but it doesn't define you. The goal here is to create a safe zone to share and heal from these past hurts together.
Now, picture a time when you or your partner might feel emotionally stuck, like waiting for something more thrilling. It's like staring at your full closet and thinking, "I've got nothing to wear." Remember, the solution is to rediscover the treasures within your existing bond. It's like rekindling a warm, comforting bonfire.
Next, balance is key. Think about the fine line between couple time and alone time. We all need our personal space, right? It's like balancing work and play. The challenge is to nurture personal growth while also growing as a couple. Open communication will help you both shine individually and together.
Finally, consider a time when you might keep a secret or dodge a tough truth out of fear. Remember, honesty is your secret weapon here. Those hidden fears are like imaginary monsters under the bed—they're much less scary when you face them. Conquer these challenges together, and your relationship will flourish with trust and openness.
To wrap it up, Pile 2's, remember, challenges are like life's pop quizzes. They're here to help us grow. By confronting past pains, re-discovering the magic in your relationship, finding the balance between alone time and togetherness, and tackling truths head-on, you'll come out stronger. Challenges are just one part of your love story, a story that promises growth, deeper bonds, and a love that stands firm.
Pile 3
Tarot Cards: The Star, The Chariot (in reverse), 9 of Cups, 10 of Swords, Ace of Swords
Alright Pile 3's, let's take a look at what might crop up in your next relationship. Consider these obstacles as unexpected plot twists in your love story, not as barriers in your path. We're here to delve into the issues you might face. Picture a night sky filled with twinkling stars, brimming with positivity and motivation. Yet, there might be times when your relationship feels like a rudderless boat. It's akin to driving without a reliable GPS. This could spark conflicts about your common goals. The key is to have a heart-to-heart conversation and chalk out a shared roadmap.
Now, imagine a situation where you both have aspirations and dreams. That's fantastic, isn't it? But, there could be moments when it seems like you're trying to juggle these ambitions and maintain a healthy relationship simultaneously. It's as if you're trying to strum two different tunes on the same guitar. The trick is to back each other's dreams while also taking care of your journey together.
Next, think of a battlefield where you've encountered some tough confrontations. The task here is to sheathe your weapons and opt for forgiveness. It's about releasing old resentments to make space for new beginnings. Forgiveness becomes your shield here, protecting your heart from past injuries.
Lastly, contemplate the strength of transparent communication. The challenge lies in ensuring you both are on the same wavelength. It's like making sure you're both speaking the same language to avoid any miscommunication. Frequent, candid conversations will be your secret weapon to eliminate any vagueness.
To sum it up, Pile 3's, these challenges are like puzzles that you guys will solve together. Determining your course, harmonizing dreams, moving past old wounds, and keeping your communication crystal clear might seem daunting, but they're also moments for you to grow stronger as a couple. You have the strength to overcome these obstacles, with open hearts and the power of your words. Your journey is promising, and these challenges are merely episodes in your love saga, making it richer and more robust. Challenges are simply stepping stones towards a profound love.
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WHAT UP THE CONFLATION OF SUFFERING WITH LOVE IS EXTREMELY QUESTIONABLE
Tags on this post, by @saint-ambrosef and @mariposasmonarch, isolated here because they accidentally hit on EXACTLY what I think brought about my original line of thinking:
#of course christ dying wasn't “necessary” #but damn if it isnt the most visible and obvious way to show someone that you love them #a person snapping their fingers and giving you everything you wanted isn't nearly as impactful as that person willingly enduring personal #suffering in order to give it to you #thats what we mean when we say “christ died for us” #not because he strictly had to but because he wanted to show us just how far his love goes #we puny humans can know in our lowest moments that god incarnated himself to be brutally murdered #just to make his “i love you” absolutely clear #its not a guilt trip...it's reassurance in its purest form #<- YES #and if this isn’t the most beautiful and touching expression of True Love #the Selfless Love #Love which is Willing the Good for the other for no reason but just that
I disagree with this. All of it. I genuinely think that dying for someone is a shitty and stupid gift, especially when you didn't need to do it and it provides them with no tangible benefit. I think this is a dangerous and irresponsible thing to teach your children.
Martyrdom and suffering are not inherent expressions of love.
I believe in good for others for the sake of good, and kindness for the sake of kindness. But what always throws me for a loop is the Christian idea that suffering on its own is a form of good. I disagree. I disagree with my whole heart.
As a child, I was taught that the best thing I could be is Christlike. And I was Not Okay.
I lived my life ready to set myself on fire to prevent someone else from feeling a chill, and this impulse still follows me over a decade after I lost my faith. (There were other factors also, but religion played a big role in this attitude.)
It has been devastating to my health, nearly to the point of death on multiple occasions. The idea that the best and purest form of love is to suffer - It's gross. I think it's gross. I don't feel loved; I feel like if someone tortured themselves to death and then I was told to rejoice, for they did it all for me! And I'm like... oh. I didn't... ask for that?
I've lived my entire adult life without proper healthcare. I would argue that someone snapping their fingers and giving me everything I ever wanted would actually be a LOT better for me than if they suffered and died. Like, magnitudes better.
I believe that the purest form of love is to LIVE for another person.
I've done that. I do that. I've seen people suffer pain worse than death and still not die just because they loved me. And I felt loved not because they were suffering but because they were doing whatever it took to live by my side and to live in happiness.
Sacrifice is a part of love, but it is not inherently loving. It has to have a reason or it is just pure performative loss, which actually does feel like a guilt trip!
I just-- I've gotten a ton of completely different dogmatic answers today, but to me, these tags are what strikes at the heart of it all.
The idea that we need to place every single other living thing before ourselves even and perhaps especially to the point of self-destruction.
For an example, in the Catholic church, most of the Saints are martyrs! And they were taught to us like action heroes with superpowers and everything! My little sister with their childhood OCD collected cards of saints like they were Pokemon cards! Which is really cute until you consider that they were a compulsive child idolizing a pantheon of people whose defining trait was brutal self-sacrificial death. They were one of the most anxious children I've ever met.
For me, as an autistic kid, the idea that suffering was somehow inherently good helped me to endure a lot more extreme sensory pain than I otherwise would have. I was terribly proud of my ability to endure pain. But now as an adult with crippling cPTSD, I can't help but notice that none of those sacrifices I made actually helped anyone!
I don't personally believe that gods are real. But if I did, I think I'd be awfully angry at the Christian god for killing himself and having the nerve to say it was for me.
I've literally had a loved one who believed they were a burden offer to kill themselves for me. It was a heinous idea for a gift, and I told them so. They were terribly disappointed when I chose the other, much more difficult and beautiful option, which was to live for each other. Live and grow and love in the light. To plant gardens for each other and cook them into meals. To build and nurture and know. THAT is the most beautiful and sure form of love. I will accept no substitutes.
I hope someday someone shows you love in a way that feels more beautiful to you than crucifixion - literal or metaphysical. You deserve love that isn't defined by pain.
#original#religious trauma#former catholic#ex christian#suicide tw#suicidal ideation#they didn't kill themselves and they're doing a lot better now and my partner and i are so terribly proud of them#any other ex catholics reading this - your happiness matters just as much as the person next to you#you are worthy of love outside of suffering#the best way to be a good person is not through pain but through love. and those are absolutely not the same thing.#there is no greater love you could put into the world then by choosing to live in it and live kindly#I think these tags really got to me cuz they are written like they were written by me in a parallel universe where I stayed Catholic#which. hey. at least means they're well written! ;)#reminds me a lot of how Jean Valjean at the end of Les Mis sacrifices himself for no reason even tho the thing that would#ACTUALLY have been the best for cosette would be to have a not dead dad#and once you're an atheist the fact that the metaphorical light of heaven shines on his face at the end is kind of cold comfort#it is an explicitly christlike death - SO much crucifixion imagery. but also.... he didn't need to???? and he doesn't get to resurrect??
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um i already want this week to be over. cordelia you were supposed to fix me wtf girl. (i have not even been reading cordelia. maybe if i had been i would be doing better)
#tomorrow i have to like. film this project but i’m working around my partner’s schedule which is fucking packed for some reason.#it’s like girl quit your job so we can do this lol#and then idk if we’ll even finish tomorrow so that might be my wednesday too.#and then the only day i even have classes this week is thursday.#and the first one will be fine as always. and the second one is the class we have all these projects for#which would be manageable if we weren’t like. a week behind on LEARNING how to DO the projects before their fucking due dates.#this man seriously needs to just lob off a project because like. man if we’re gonna be this consistently behind i cannot keep living under#these conditions this is terrible. i don’t even know for sure that the project is due thursday. it might be due next tuesday.#and like. i’m already turning this one in late so i really need to not be flopping like this all semester.#and then my last class thursday is the adaptations class which ughhhhhh#no i didn’t read the book. i will tonight when i finish this stupid editing project i’m so fucking sick of looking at#and like. i just wish this week had like. a schedule. i wish there was a Plan. you know.#like any concrete plan. so much is just. up in the air idk whatever#and like. i can be chill i’m a chill person in general. but i’m not this chill. shawn you need to get your fucking class together.#shawn is my professor. i might be spelling that wrong idk if it’s sean or shaun or shawn or whatever the fuck#anyway. gotta finish this#and i WILL do my quizzes this week. i will remember#this will not be a repeat of last semester.#beth.txt
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if anyone has the same brain worms about Bertie Gilbert and Savannah brown. please come and talk to me about it bc it drives me a little insane. i am not tagging this bc i think sav is occasionally still on tumblr…. but oh my god
#like just as creators first of all i adore them both so much#sav’s poetry is so dear to me…. I’ve read it all. it’s what got me into writing poetry at all which has honestly saved my life#and Bertie is such a profound stylistic film maker and his views on grief and art are also foundational to me as an artist#and then like. as a duo#you document your first big love online. you live together for years. you get a cat#you are creative partners and best friends#you break up with an offline whimper that’s only seen in some shadows of poetry and art#the louder poems are about the next loves. the heartbreak is too personal to publicize?#you still have your ex in the acknowledgments of your next poetry book#like…..man
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if anyone was wondering, I still hate modern dating
#you think something is going well#you allow yourself to actually get excited and tell people about it#sure you had a bit of an awkward date but you're trying not to spiral about it yet so you suggest another meet-up#all of a sudden you're going on 24 hours with no response#like I get it at this point but could they fucking message me anyway instead of ghosting?#I'm not gonna be shocked. I can read a signal.#but we've gone out 5 times and I had them over and cooked for them do I not deserve at least a text??#and of course until I get that confirmation there's a small stupid hopeful part of my brain coming up with excuses#even though I know what's happening#this is why I don't usually let myself start caring btw!#bc then all of a sudden you're skipping a pool party to mope about someone you've known for a month#I fucking hate it here thanks#and I was so stupid petty excited to go to this wedding next week and tell people that I was seeing someone#and now it's going to be another reminder that I am Alone#partnered people dni y'all can just go steep in your privilege and the fact that someone cares when you're going to be home tonight#I will go eat ice cream with the one friend I felt comfortable sad texting to ask if we could hang out today
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