#your blorbo is unfuckable

[emperorundying]

TLT Dash Simulator pt 3

🪦 crossedrhodes Follow

just found out my gf died 7 months ago and ive been being catfished by some necromancer using her beguiling corpse i hope the devils get me

💊 heptanary-secretary Follow

omg imagine the meetcute tho... op talk to the necro

🐮 hucowjimin Follow

OP has powerful necro baddies in his area and is abt to fumble due to the grief

( 577 notes )

🦴 femur-i-hardly-know-er Follow

( 18,012 notes )

🗝️ darkjackgaius Follow

my horny ass could never be a flesh magician

🗝️ darkjackgaius Follow

easy website.

( 41,902 notes )

💣 fuckable-fascists-bracket Follow

📜 sarpedonefang1rl Follow

and whos fucking surprised. of course the recency bias strikes again

⚜️ awes-ashtray

Some1 is angry their old man bias is unfuckable 💀💀💀 Argue with the wall.

#a vote for awe is a vote against coquetteposters #the fact that therez an entire fandom for the weirdo oldhead fascies is soooo craz to me ngl. #we r voting on most fuckable here. that is da blogs point. #your blorbo is geriatric his dick dont work :(

( 6,192 notes )

🐱 cohortcatgirl Follow

I’ve seen a lot of bad information circulating about what happens when the cohort converts a thalergenic planet to a thanergy planet so I wanted to clear up some misconceptions ^u^

Converting a planet does NOT make it unable to sustain life. If thanergenic planets couldn't sustain life, no1 would be able to live on the nine houses!!!

The wildlife does NOT get mutated. How would that even work? I stj people they don't hurt the wildlife, they only affect the planets! The 'varmints have best friends' campaign is honestly just in bad faith :((

Devils are NOT real and if they were you should really stop posting about their tongues [weird!] U guys really cannot tell what is and isn't fearmongering these days and itz kind of concerning ngl

Keep reading

💀 towerofficial ☑️

worth a read :)

🐱 cohortcatgirl Follow

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

#HAIII MR UNDYING :3

(9,114 notes )

⛓️ siphonslut

being held down by my bone magician's constructs is something spiritual fr. skeledoms there is a special place for you in the emperor's eyes 😩😩😩

#nsft #c4n #cav4necro #osseoromantic

( 241 notes )

👤 is-the-emperor-undying-dead-yet-deactivated-2917483

nope.

💀 towerofficial ☑️

It's in the name how are you guys not getting this by now

👤 is-the-emperor-undying-dead-yet-deactivated-2917483

💀 towerofficial ☑️

mods can we ban this guy

( 12,187 notes )

[cantfuckbracket]

Welcome to the Can't Fuck Bracket, where YOU vote for the character who has the most unfuckable swag

Do you love characters that don't fuck? Characters whose dicks would make U-turns and whose pussies would clamp itselves shut if they ever came close to performing a sexual act? Characters who would try to fuck and end up leaving snot all over their poor partner? Characters who have never ever ever made their partner cum? Well, this bracket is for you!

Submit and vote for YOUR favorite unfuckable characters and let's find out who Tumblr crowns the least fuckable of them all!

Rules and clarifications:

"Can't fuck" is different from "doesn't want to fuck". This is about characters who either suck at sex or could never find a willing partner, not asexual/sex-repulsed characters

This is also not about being a virgin or inexperienced, this is for characters who could fuck a billion times and would still suck at it

You can submit both your beloved blorbos who have 0 game and characters you hate with a passion

"Can't fuck" can mean both "could never find a willing partner" and "would suck shit ass in bed". It's up to you

Last year's contestants are only eligible if they did not make it past the group stage. So check that your submission isn't featured in this post to make sure they're eligible!

Goofy from Disney will also not be accepted. I've seen things I can't unsee

No real people unless they've been dead for at least 100 years.

"Being dead" is not in itself a reason to be considered unfuckable, otherwise this would become a deadguybracket 2.0. It's fine if that's mentioned but it can't be the only reason

Propaganda is not only encouraged, I'd say it's the whole point! You can tag me in it and I'll reblog it

Be nice to each other and also to me. I'm just making a silly little poll. It's not life and death. Also I have other things going on in my life

You can diss your opponents if you want but practice common sense when doing so

And that's all... For now! You can use this form to submit your characters! Go crazy go stupid!

[farsight-the-char]

For Marvel/DC comic fans this is just becoming an official/major writer.

Being in a long-term fandom really makes me wish we had like, Fandom Supreme Courts, just so that every time the same stupid discourse rears its ugly head for the umpteenth time in ten years, we can just be like, “Actually this argument was settled in the 2006 Fandom Supreme Court ruling in the case of AngelPotter vs. Xx_goth1c-r0se_xX, so everbody can shut up about it now.” Imagine the wank reduction.

[saintsenara]

Hey, I've been enjoying going through your takes on various hp ships, and I haven't seen this one. Did I miss it? What do you think of Ginny/Luna??

thank you very much for the ask, anons!

i've hinted at my views on linny in various places, but they don't yet have a dedicated post. so let's rectify that...

while i have a lot of time for the idea of both ginny and luna as queer, i'm sorry to say that linny is a victim of my general view when it comes to luna-centric pairings: that fics in which it's presented as something which works depend on the presence of fanon!luna, who is a beautiful clairvoyant ray-of-sunshine, rather than canon!luna, who is a stubborn conspiracist with the vibes of a golden retriever which can speak.

i don't doubt that ginny is incredibly fond of luna - nor that luna's positive characteristics [like her resilience, loyalty, kindness, and courage] must have been an enormous comfort to her while they're stuck at hogwarts with snape and the carrows - but her fondness always reads as the same sort of fondness you might have for a friend's precocious toddler. it's nice eye-rolling, but it's eye-rolling nonetheless.

which i think adds a slightly condescending element to their relationship which often gets left out of its portrayals in fanfiction, in both the platonic and the romantic sense. ginny and luna become closer just as ginny approaches her hot girl era [and, may i say, the implication of canon is that they're barely acquaintances prior to order of the phoenix, rather than childhood friends], and ginny's interest in keeping her around is evidently rooted in the fact that she views luna as unthreatening - her making luna take harry to ravenclaw tower in deathly hallows instead of cho always sends me, because she basically says "luna, you're unfuckable" and luna jumps up like "right you are!" - to her during her teenage peak. it's not exactly giving "christ, i think you're gorgeous"...

except, of course, that this doesn't matter in the slightest because this is fanfiction - the entire point is for two characters to be shoved together and made to realise they think the other is beautiful! i am perfectly amenable to the idea that linny can be written in which ginny and luna like and respect and are fucking obsessed with each other and which also feels coherent to both of their canon characterisations - and i love that for anyone who's a fan of the ship.

i just don't entirely think i am...

[there's also the... slightly discourse-y point, which is that linny often feels thrown into fics as a secondary ship as a way to enable a harry-centric slash pairing in a way which doesn't require the author to think about unravelling harry and ginny's canonical relationship.]

[i don't think there's anything wrong with this, per se - i break hinny up all the time, authors should be free to do whatever the fuck they want with their stories, not all fics need to do a completely canon-coherent wrangling with the canon couples they're breaking up in order to have their blorbos kiss, and i am increasingly uncomfortable with how some of the discussion i've seen recently pushing back, rightfully, on the misogynistic treatment of female characters in slash subfandoms is starting to sound a lot like "our canon het is pure and good and their non-canon slash is incomprehensible and wrong".]

[but i do nonetheless think it's worth being aware of a fandom tendency to make femslash relationships a throwaway line in order to enable m/m slash ones - and to think about how just smashing two female characters together without exploring how the relationship would align with their canon personalities doesn't necessarily help...]

[faustiandevil]

Depression makes a man do stupid things and here is what I did. Peter Lorre tier list, all movies (well the ones that were available online and in a language I could understand), all characters ranked in a highly scientific way. Feel free to defend your blorbos, but know this I’m right, you’re wrong, SHUDDUP!! (This is a reference I hope y’all get, but in any case do feel free to defend your blorbos I wanna hear y’alls takes.)

My reasonings under the cut. Enter, but be warned it truly is my twisted sick mind down there. If you scroll down long enough to see the Shining reference, I love you.

Bildreporter Johnny (F.P.1 antwortet nicht): No, no, no, no, no, no! Highly unfuckable look! Why does he look like an old man and a baby at the same time??? I can’t do this!!

Mr. Kentaro Moto (Mr. Moto Series): Racism. I’m sorry, I can’t. Absolutely hate it. Shit tier. Same goes with the movies. I only really liked Mr. Moto’s Gamble, which I found out was actually a Charlie Chan script asdfghjkl

Stephen Danel (Island of Doomed Men): Slave owner. Killed a monkey. Was kind of okay with his wife tho, until the end, I guess they needed a reason to off him.

Roderick Raskolnikov (Crime and Punishment): I’m putting him down on the list, because I read Crime and Punishment and the movie is way too ‘Murican. Already the names were bastardized and as someone who loves Russian literature I just can’t deal with that shit. He was okay, but ehhh… (The 1970 movie is way better, and Taratorkin is the best Rashkolnikov, fucking fight me.)

Nikolai Zaleshoff (Background to Danger): Again, butchering Russian names. Not even a patronymic. Kind of a caricature as well with all of the vodka drinking. And again he gets shot and for what??

Sergeant Berger (The Cross of Lorraine): I’m stronger. I will resist. The scene where he blows the cigarette smoke into the guy’s face and kicks him does things to me. I will admit. But that man is a nazi and I cannot in good consciousness put him anywhere else, but shit tier.

Captain Chang (They Met in Bombay): Glark Cable tolerable?? In my movie?? More likely than you think. Did not like the racism again. The beard is nice, so he goes slightly higher than shit tier.

Baron Ikito (Invisible Agent): He gets put in a slightly higher tier than shit tier only, because of the last line in the movie that made me very very gay. “I can make an honorable man out of you” like you can’t make him say shit like that I’m already a weak little homosexual!!

Hilary Cummins (The Beast With Five Fingers): This may be a surprise, but listen, hear me out, I have reasons. I cannot deal with an Astrology bitch. Like, yeah I also like to read my horrorscope every now and then, and I’m a Satanist, but I don’t vibe with that shit, he is too obsessed. Not every gay is gonna be into Asstrology. Also I cannot moan the name Hilary while giving this man dick without thinking of the Clinton woman. Also Cummins??? That’s an OnlyEnemies name. PS. The movie was bad when the hand turned out to be fake.

Julius O’Hara (Beat The Devil): Oh, no I’m not vibing with the hair again. I’m not into it. Loved his bullshitting, even if he is not very good at lying.

Conseil (20,000 Leagues Under the Sea): Liked seeing him together with my rich successful uncle Lukács, and had some nice fits in the movie, but it’s only slightly above shit tier. Saw tentacles, but got nothing. Absolutely disappointed.

Ahmed (Five Weeks in a Balloon): Racism again. Love his rainbow colored pants. The fez does nothing for me. Because of the earring he gets put higher than shit tier.

Pawlitschek (Bomben Auf Monte Carlo): He’s cute. He knows how to cook. Its fucking goulash of course, but ugggh fine I’ll eat it. Look I love you I’ll eat it. Fucking tourist food that no self-respecting Hungarian is going to touch. It’s just fucking soup.

Otto Fuesslli (What Women Dream Of): He is adorable. Clearly faking that piano play, but he sings like an angle. Docking points for being a cop tho. I’m sorry, but in this house we ain’t fucking cops.

Maj. Sigfried Gruning (Lancer Spy): Okay, I’m conflicted. Not sold on the hair, or the mustache, but I’m a military man, I love a uniform, he has a sword. (Babygirl you wanna see my sword~?) Uhhh… he also doesn’t do much in the movie.

Louis ‘The Dope’ Monteau (I’ll Give a Million): Adowable. A dumb baby. And that is why he only gets put in mid tier. Too cute for my taste. Still good for him and all the other poor homeless guys for pulling off the scam of the century on the rich bastards. Respect.

Polo (I Was An Adventuress): Same problem with Louis. He has too much boi energy. Every time I see that image where he looks up with them big ol’ eyes all I can think about is that meme the “Bitch use your words I don’t speak bottom”.

The Stranger (The Stranger on The Third Floor): Okay… uhm… this is a though one… There’s not much info on The Stranger, we don’t even know his name, we only know that he is mentally ill and killed a man. We all have our faults. I mean in this day and age who isn’t mentally ill and killed at least one person. So… mid tier. Like his scarf tho.

Paul Hyde (Mr. District Attorney): The way he got shot was bullshit. What the fuck was that about?? I hardly even remember this movie.

Joel Cairo (The Maltese Falcon): Okay… I gotta confess… I fucking hate the Maltese Falcon. There I said it. It just rubs me the wrong way that in book context and Hays code movie context Joel is gay and gets beaten up the most. Like finally a highly canon gay one for me and I get this home of phobia. Fuck this. Also I do not like Bogart and I think this movie started it lol.

Pepi (All Through the Night): I’mma get shit for this. But… but… hear me out… sometimes a man thinks with his dick and not with his brain. This is one of them. When he shows up at the bar, dressed up all nice, smoking his little cigarette… I’m weak. And yes I know he is a nazi, but I could fix him. I could fuck the fascism out of him. If not… well… //cocks gun// Mid tier, because I can’t put him higher than that. If not for the fascism he would be A tier.

Jan Bernazsky (The Conspirators): I remember nothing from this movie. I think he was a red herring. He goes in mid.

Slimane (Casbah): Casablanca the musical. Getting very gay vibes from Slimane. Why are you a detective? To catch other men. To hold them close after you shoot them. Wow faggy. Anyway, a bit conflicted and had to dock points, because again cop.

Toady (Rope of Sand): I only watched this movie, because Claude Rains is the same height as me and I was hoping to see them stand next to each other, so I can visualize the height difference. Got a very nice homosexual cig lit scene from it. I have no recollection of the movie besides that scene, but he looks fine.

Japanese Steward on the S.S. Carnatic (Around the World in Eighty Days): I can’t fuck a man on a boat I’ll get sea sick.

Kurt Bergner (The Buster Keaton Story): Were you channeling some other asshole director from your life? You looked like you knew what you were doing? Anyway, would fuck just so I could get my start in the movie industry, but this relationship ain’t gonna last longer than a headline.

Brankov (Silk Stockings): Glorious Technicolor~ I have issues with this movie. It’s the inferior Ninotchka. The Russian names are once again butchered. The dancing is nice. Go white boy, fuck up the dance floor!! Nothing else to say about it really.

Abdul (The Sad Sack): Mon petite~! If I justified Pepi being in mid-tier, I can do the same for Abdul. He was eager to kill Jerry Lewis’ character and I think the movie would have benefited from it. Still he can’t go higher, because of the… ehh… Hollywood racism. He would be top fucking tier otherwise.

Skeeter (The Big Circus): Not into clowns. (A contradictory statement. If you know you know.)

Montresor (Tales of Terror): I’m in a predicament, because I’m a cat lover and this man was mean to a cat. He is very hot tho. Sorry, babes, but you gotta go into the mid rankings. Also fix your alcohol problem, I cannot let Freud win.

Hans Beckert (M): Okay, this is going to be controversial putting the child murderer so high up on the list, but consider this. He is so pathetic when he gets thrown down the stairs that I just can’t not fuck him. I’m also willing to look past that besides murder he also probably did other things too (yeah that’s a bit harder to get past eugh…). The murder I’m fine with tho. I’m very often locked in a train car with screaming children and I mean that would make anyone start whistling the tune of Edvard Grieg’s In the Hall of the Mountain King. My dick could fix him, but if he wants to murder a child every now and then. I’m all for it.

Redakteur Stix (Die Koffer des Herrn O.F.): This man fucks. And I do mean HE fucks. Polo and Louis wish they were like Stix. He goes into A tier for terrorizing a whole town, getting laid, and getting the girl. Would you like to get the boy as well, hun~?

The General (Secret Agent): This look is absolute horrid… I fucking love it. For someone who is known to be a mustache lover I don’t ever want to see Peter with one. (I’m the one who wears the mustaches in this relationship.) This is an exception tho. It’s a gay disaster look. It’s so bad it’s hot. Extra points for the earring. (The ending to that movie was absolute bullshit tho. General your gun!!)

Prof. Sturm (Nancy Steele Is Missing!): I love it when he is a manipulative little bastard. Also he could have gotten away with it if it weren’t for someone having morals and loving his stolen adoptive child. Absolutely disgusting. The mustache and the glasses combo are acceptable (even if he looks like one of my high school teachers).

M’sieu Pig (Strange Cargo): The other incel. I’m docking points, because for most of the movie I had to watch Clark Gable be a misogynist and I already hate him. All this just to eyeball Peter Lorre… Anyway I would make that piggy squeal. A tier, but only because he shows off a bit of chest hair.

Fenninger (You’ll Find Out): Not particularly fond of this look. I like it better when his hair is a bit messy. Is one third of an evil gay polycule, so points to that. And also the long cig holder. Very gay, hun. And who can forget the og teeth. Would still drag my tongue across those chompers I don’t care what anyone says. (Mainly, because I also have similar fucked up looking messy teeth.)

Signor Ugarte (Casablanca): I’m putting him only in A tier, because he killed nazis at the start of the movie and is a desperate little homo, which is a trait I very much relate to. But Bogart… really… honey you could do so much better. Seriously y’all look me in the eye and tell me that Bogart is hot, when he plays these asshole characters. I’ll wait. Besides I’m right here. I’m ready to top you babe.

Marius (Passage To Marseilles): Love a man who is honest and proud of his professional achievements. And is very much good with his hands hello~ Dies (seriously why???) while fighting nazis. A bit of a scraggly look, but I love it. I also had to look up pics for this and turtlenecks make any man look slutty… and sir… your tits!! I need to feel them through the fabric~ Or just in general~

Dr. Einstein (Arsenic and Old Lace): He is a cute pathetic little meow meow. I want to (the following sentence had to be censored due to violating the Hays code). I am putting him only in A tier, because he is too popular, but I feel like that’s a personal bias.

Johannes Koenig (Hotel Berlin): Again a nice scraggly look. I love it~ He does get his shit together by the end and that’s good, but I wish he’d kept the five o’clock.

Contreras (Confidential Agent): I love a man who hates his job. So relatable. He does a big no no with being a sellout to the fascists, but he gets his just desserts and surprising doesn’t die from a gun, but a heart attack (and they pull a Weekend at Bernie’s with his corpse later on). He is really pathetic and I cannot control myself.

Johnny West (Three Strangers): //heavy breathing// I want him!! Finally a romantic role!! Babygirl yes!! I know you could do it!! If only you also took the money!!!!!!!!! For that last one he goes into A tier and not higher.

Gino (The Chase): Show off more of that chest hair, slut!! I would also not let this man drive (not that I can either). Besides babes the backseat has more space~

Nick (Quicksand): Blackmailing is fun when it’s not happening to you~ Also if we get together I could probably play the games for free. That’s a plus.

Paynter (Double Confession): This man was so desperate for approval. And y’all cannot tell me that he and Charlie weren’t a bit more than friends. Oh a man saves you and now you would do murders for him (except he’s a loser and is not okay with murder). Babe ditch him I would let you kill people for me. I’m not a pussy.

Dr. Karl Rothe/Dr. Karl Neumeister (The Lost One): Babygirl you have some deep rooted psychological issues that you should get checked out. Still, here’s my number. Call me, when you feel like choking me out, but not in a killing way. (Or maybe in a killing way, depends on how I feel.)

Colonel John Miguel Orlando Arragas (Congo Crossing): The straights looked at each other once and immediately kissed, so that set the tone for me. Anyway he is a cop, but he does do the right thing at the end, but still a cop. The uniform is nice. Doesn’t like his job much, so that’s kind of sexy. Eh, you know, what A tier. He is the exception. (I do hope he doesn’t expect me to say his entire name while I’m d(HAYS CODE) him down and making him swallow my (HAYS CODE).)

Nero (The Story of Mankind): Listen, I have some kinks… if you read my writings you know… I’m also drawn to a man with power, and money, and insanity. (I’m also really glad he didn’t have the chin beard like the real Nero, because that’s a deal breaker.)

Smiley (Scent of Mystery): Absolutely disappointed that this movie didn’t have a Dora the Explorer segment where the characters turn to the screen and ask the viewer if they can guess the mystery scent. Anyway hot. I love a man who knows how to be crafty regarding his job. Cheating, stealing, lying, all traits that make a honest Hungarian. Even stole someone’s wife just for the heck of it. Oh, honey~ Only A tier, because I can’t see this relationship going further than some fun in the backseat, but that’s probably enough.

Comm. Lucius Emery (Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea): He has a pet shark and wears a uniform. I’m already undoing my belt. This movie was… mmm… not good tho.

Dr. Adolphus Bedlo (The Raven): He is an abusive drunk parent. But he is so wet and pathetic. Frued won, I really am just gonna get together with someone who is like my dad (the real one not Béla).

Mr. Strangdour (Muscle Beach Party): He is the strongest man alive and yet I, his silly little kitten get to top him. My only problem with him is that I cannot for the life of me remember his name for some reason so I guess he just gotta deal with being called Sourdough and Stroganoff for the rest of his life. My concern is that his stupid kid is gonna walk in one day and go “Oh, you guys are wrestling, who’s winning? 8D” and I don’t want to deal with that.

Abbott (The Man Who Knew Too Much): He is evil, he is cunning, he has a neat little hair stripe just like me! Would also kill a child, which I personally don’t think is a terrible trait (as we saw earlier). Absolute snack! Baby I’ll be your dragon, I’ll be your right hand arm-man, your silly little homo eye candy!

Dr. Gogol (Mad Love): My favorite incel!! I wanna crack his bald head open with my canines like a hardboiled egg, call him a pathetic loser, and pin him against a wall and tongue him down! But seriously the man is the equivalent of a Reddit user, he has money tho, and if I could be his kept man, I wouldn’t mind.

Colonel Gimpy/Baron Rudolph Maximillian Tagger (Crack-Up): That scene where the plane is crashed into the ocean and his hair is wet and he looks up straight into the camera… //fans self// H-hewwo… daddy… sorry… daddy… sorry… Yeah, top tier. No question.

János ‘Johnny’ Szabó (The Face Behind The Mask): I refuse to use anything, but the correct Hungarian spelling, fuck you Hollywood. Kinda meh about him before the accident, way too happy and optimistic for my liking. I like a man who is bitter and ready to kill. Also something about masks just gives people a certain allure. Gets extra points for being the only Hungarian character Peter ever played and judging from the letter he writes back home, Johnny actually knows the language haha. I wouldn’t have to translate him my stupid memes, we could just switch back and forth. Domestic bliss.

Dr. Arthur Lorencz (The Boogie Man Will Get You): Top fucking tier! The most guy ever! He is a politician, he sells snake oil, he is a doctor, and also the town sheriff, cat lover, gay! Is there something this man can’t do! Love him!

Fritz Bercovy (The Constant Nymph): I know that in the book the character is supposed to be a very antisemitic caricature, but I think it was rewritten in the movie. Also I tried multiple times to check how old Toni is, but I only kept finding it for Tessa, so I’mma just gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and say that Fritz is not a groomer, unlike Lewis. With all that out of the way, I have a confessions to make. This character sent me over the edge and I did a Peter Lorre expy in my novel. I am weak. I saw him in the fur with the cane (and the whole club was looking at her) and… he really be doing boyfriend cosplay with one of my main characters. Also he has money and is willing to spend it on his SO, so… //twirls hair// I’d love to be a kept man~

Cornelius Leyden (The Mask of Dimitrios): This man was put on this wretched Earth to wear bowties and by Lucifer he makes them look good. Also he has little gray hairs on the side. And glasses!!! //heavy breathing// I need to make him scream my name all through the night!

Peter Lorre (Hollywood Canteen): That’s just my mans! That’s just my guy! That’s just my husband! My sweet cheese! My rotten soldier! My good time BOI! How could I not put him at the top? (Disclaimer: The only one topping that man is me ayyyy)

Marko (Black Angel): This man really cannot sit normally, huh. Anyway, he was hot, fruity, and a loving father. And the movie wasn’t bad either. I was actually rooting for the straights in this one.

Victor Emmric (The Verdict): Oh, he is husband material. He is a morbid little bastard, and is also romantic. A bit on the drunk side, but I don’t care. He’s hot. Would love to do art trades with him.

Kismet (My Favourite Brunette): This man is MY favourite brunette. My nasty boyfriend who holds me at knife point and spits in my mouth and calls me his bitch~ (Is that a knife in your pocket or are you just happy to see me~) I would also help this man get his citizenship.

Peter Lorre (Meet Me in Las Vegas): People who say that they are only into him when he is young and slim are weak as fuck. Oh, so just because this man is old and fat and his biological clock is not ticking anymore you don’t wanna try and get him preganant anymore??? Move over!! I’ll give this man evil milk (read: cum).

Commissioner Lamoret (Hell Ship Mutiny): I love a man who absolutely hates his job and just wants an easy life and is also willing to murder a child for it. We have so much in common~ And with my help, we would have gotten away with it. We’d be spending retirement in Bora Bora, baybeh.

Felix Gillie (The Comedy of Terrors): You see that man? That man, is my husband. We are married. He supports me and I support him. I would lie in the coffin that he made for me. I know that most peeps fall for him in Arsenic, well I’m different. I have the Father Issues and I want stability and I feel like Felix would give that to me.

Morgan Heywood (The Patsy): He was suffering, I was suffering, there was a collective suffering with this movie. Our meet-cute is me absolutely going feral and killing Jerry Lewis right in front of him. Our eyes lock as I’m covered in blood and the cops take me away. He falls in love with me right then and there. Conjugal visits right until the end of my life sentence.

Okay, y'all can go now~

[bolithesenate]

WIP GAME

RULES: make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! Then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

@cuzosu-blog is coming for me personally and with extreme prejudice I see, so here we go. gods above i have too many wips

life needs things to live

mud fic II

des farners fuchs

bits and bobs - last night myles - maybe eldritch sifo/jaster - mand'alor to the rescue - talk shit get bit - what do sith eat - extreme prejudice - serenno imperial harem - padawan and projectile both start with p, coincidence? i think not - united in grief (and stronger for it)

of guards and guar gards

hux is a feral cat and rey said pspspsps

jaster the explor'alor

anti anarchist royalists

janko meet cute with violence

bamf agricorps

no witches

what happens on pijal stays on pijal

blorbo timetravel

pearly pearls and pearly whites

korkie vizsla's mental speed dial to the manda

the depa billaba blackmailing business

serennoverse lore

getting revenge rael averross style

a kingdom for a horse

unbennantes dokument (1)

fimders keepers

man me a hand

marriage of inconvenience (for the sith)

incidental padawan acquisition

meanwhile on mandalore online

the heart of a star is home

unbenanntes dokument (2)

getting a good grade in girlfriend

dooku taking over the agricorps

the mud of the covenant is thicker than the water of the grandmasters stew

cache lineage

change does not always mean looking forward

better halves than halved bets

exchange for silicon?

this is not a place of honor

true sith padme (tale the l palpy)

whatever works

of falling angels and other idiots

the day the cern did create a black hole

turn this ship around me bois

motina ripping palpy a new one

eldritch bot4 for fun and profit

dooku and ahsoka life changing fieldtrip

unfucking the timeline one bastard at the time

zilobist

taree and boga

cilantro fic

fuck it all

ever heard the saying

her imperial noodleness

this should be all i think

now, 'wip' is being applied rather loosely here, so there's stuff i havent worked on in a bit. but i do plan to eventually. just can't say when.

since there is no universe in which i can come up with more than SIXTY fucking people to tag, i'm just gonna forgo that in its entirety. i know how to choose my battles

[egipci]

sorry your blorbo is unfuckable. find another guy.

[lightkrets312]

*holds up aunn in "DND Blorbo"*

so this is my ever-dying Paladin who made a fucked-up deal with her own god: every time she dies she gets back up again, but as a new face and without memories that aren't job-essential. this fucking Changeling Paladin has died 376 times (and counting) in three decades and is the reason why Cherrie (beloved) exists.

(if you don't know who she is just vote anyways, I wanna see what y'all think I'm doing. you can ask questions but get specific and do it in the replies please.)

[aftonfamilyvalues]

realistically I know my blorbos are so old they probably can't get hard any more but I don't let it bother me tbh. Do you headcanon your old men with ed

i dont foresee many erections in aftons future, thats for sure

silco is probably around his mid 40s in acts 2 and 3 so i would say hes still good. i think the shimmer helps more than just his eye though

killian is 58 going by his listed birthday but he also has all those cybernetic enhancements so who knows whats really going on there

and snape is unfuckable he cannot be fucked he never has been fucked and he never will be fucked so it doesnt matter anyway

[urfavisunfuckable]

blorbo from my shows is unfuckable!

Blorbo from your favourite show is unfuckable!

[caspercryptid]

Ask meme, all time #26 and #27, who is your little black dress blorbo and who is your Unfuckable blorbo

Black dress is jayce talis. jayce talis! I didn't multiship super extremely heavily in my other fandoms but you know how I feel about Jayce Talis. I don't think anyone in Arcane is truly unfuckable except maybe Marcus...I'm trying to remember other fandoms... At least one of my friends is going to send me an angry ask as I say that I would not fuck junkrat nor do I want to think about junkrat fucking. No. Absolutely not. alsojohanninTAZbyedon'tkillme

[cursmudgeon]

Blorbo from your shows is unfuckable.

Is that anything?

[time-to-write-and-suffer]

Buzz Lightyear from the new movie

There's no way that's a blorbo anyone has. I do not believe he's a blorbo of yours, Nonny. In fact, I think you're pulling my leg.

What do you think the result will be? The most I can do if I take this submission seriously is put him on the lowest tier. Is that funny? Will knowing that hyperrealistic Buzz Lightyear is completely unfuckable to me bring you joy? Will this be new information? Is this the metaphorical tomato you're throwing at me for not being a funny enough court jester?

[fuckableratings]

i think the anon meant as in like. the post would say "your fav is unfuckable!" just like a general post not abt specific character. like blorbo from YOUR shows is unfuckable (idk if this makes it clearer or not)

OH yeah okay that makes sense. I can do that lol

[fuckableratings]

Blorbo from my shows is fucking unfuckable because I still don't understand this meme

Blorbo from your shows might be unfuckable but Blorbo from MY shows was posted as fuckable!