#young jaime was afraid/lacked conviction to defend his ideals against the world

[hangemwithkindness]

now that i reread the weirwood dream it clicked to me what's the actual reason why Jaime didnt tell anyone about the wildfire and Aerys. It wasnt about his arrogance or spite even if it might seem so on surface. He was afraid that when he truly dropped the facade and revealed his earnest self and his motivations about kingslaying, he would still face judgement, hatred and scorn the way he does in the dream and THAT would truly be unbearable -- because in a dream it leads to his light retreating (symbolicaly his life force dying). Its safer to be hated for misunderstanding than to be hated for the truth about himself. it's why he has trouble ever admiting that he wants to do something good and always has to hide his motivations and feelings 10 layers deep, even from himself.

I dont really see weirwood dream as being about jaime's fear of confronting his own sins- nothing these ghosts throw at him is his fault anyway but actualy how insecure jaime is, after aerys, about his intrinsic moral framework. Like, to imagine that even wildfire threat couldnt justify jaime to the world, would make him truly lose it even more so than he already did. There was still some of that hope in the 'true knighthood values' very deeply buried in jaime's psyche (so that brienne's example could inspire him after all) but for it to persist he had to hide it from people or institutions in whom he lost his trust completely.

A Game of Thrones - Catelyn X

A Clash of Kings - Catelyn VII

A Storm of Swords - Jaime I

A Storm of Swords - Jaime III

A Storm of Swords - Jaime III

A Storm of Swords - Jaime IV

Jaime & Passive Suicidal Ideation

His statements and actions concerning the subject are framed as him not being afraid. But he is. He is afraid of what he has become, afraid of confronting himself, afraid of confronting the world, and he is afraid of having to live.

He should not be brave enough to die. He should be brave enough to live.