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starlit-hopes-and-dreams · 13 days ago

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Chapter 29 ~ Everything I am is you

Hidden Depths

Previous ~ Masterlist ~ Next

Also on ao3

Genre: Fantasy whump

CW’s: sexual discussions of the ace variety XD, extremely brief reference to past noncon

WC: 3891

Taglist: @dont-touch-my-soup, @kixngiggles

In which it's time for a fucking talk already

AN: no cliffies this week, you're welcome 😅 we are getting legitimately so close to the end that I have considered if this should be the last chapter and the one i'm working on now would be an epilogue. mainly because the end of this one is such a good parallel to how i ended arc 1.

anyways, i'm undecided. i guess it depends on if i still feel the need to go on when i finish the next chapter

now, please excuse me while i go hide in a hole in the ground

Resh

“Maybe… maybe it’s best if I go.”

Carr’s words had the effect of a death knell, collapsing all the air in the room.

At least, that’s what it felt like, since shock had paralyzed his lungs. Resh swayed, catching himself with a hand on the bed. Thinking better of sitting unassisted at a time like this, he moved until his back was flush with the headboard.

What? Resh’s lips barely moved, but it was clear she caught the intent all the same.

She sucked in a shallow breath, looking nearer to tears than he’d ever seen her. “I can keep trying, but I’m afraid I’m not gonna fit here, and I’ll be damned if I’m the reason we leave the best place we’ve been in yet.”

It took a moment for the meaning of the words to make their way to his brain. He was having a hard time keeping up with this conversation, which had gone from her being angry at him to telling him his character was too good to her claiming she trusted him but then acting the exact opposite.

She was keeping things from him, again. And because of that, she wanted to leave? His heart skipped a few beats, then resumed at double time, leaving him feeling clammy.

I heard they’re making that camp a village. Is that– Is that where you want to go? The words fell from lips gone numb, crashing to the floor like stones.

Carr shuddered, standing entirely too still. Her knuckles were white where they clenched her elbows.

Resh wanted to cross the room and shake some sense into her. He wanted to take her into his arms. He wanted–he wanted her not to leave them. Him.

But he also wanted her to be happy.

Talk to me, Carr, he pleaded, but she just stared at him, her eyes glistening.

Seconds, then minutes, passed in utter silence, each one slicing into him, leaving him bleeding from dozens of ghostly wounds, until–

Someone rapped on the door.

The cadence was sharp and not to be denied, breaking the stalemate between them. They both turned to look.

The knocking came a second time, louder and more insistent. “I know you can’t answer me, so I’m coming in,” Salma’s muffled voice announced.

A moment later, she did exactly that. “Oh, Carr, why didn’t you–never mind. Hmm, this makes this more convenient, I suppose.”

Resh glanced at Carr to see if she knew what the lady was talking about, but her face was blank, unreadable. He reached for his new notebook.

Salma pointed at Carr. “You are not leaving. I won’t allow it.” She crossed her arms, a mulish expression crossing her features. “I mean, I will, I guess, you aren’t a prisoner here, but you shouldn’t leave.”

His pencil slipped and scratched a dark line across the entire page. What in the– He checked on Carr, who seemed equally stunned.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Salma huffed, tucking a curl behind her ear. “Like it was hard to figure out. That girl doesn’t belong in that village, and I doubt your very good friend is thrilled with the idea either, which means you’d be going alone, and that’s just not right, seeing as they both revolve around you like you’re their sun.”

Very good friend? Resh’s eyes darted between Carr and the lady, who had crossed her arms and was now tapping her foot as she spoke.

“If you gave us half a chance and stopped forcing yourself into a mold you clearly aren’t comfortable in, you might actually like it here. If you absolutely feel you need a reason to wear pants and that blade you’re so fond of, feel free to join the guard or whatever. Just don’t up and leave.”

A hint of color had entered Carr’s too pale cheeks, but she said nothing in response to the lady’s tirade.

“Talk some sense into her,” Salma said to him before leaving as abruptly as she’d entered.

Resh’s attention returned to Carr, hoping for some kind of explanation, but she wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“I-I need a minute,” she choked out, then fled for the bathing room.

Godsdamnit! Resh threw the notebook on the bed. He should probably be used to being laid up in one way or another by now, but it was fucking frustrating. He could get up and go after her, but that would take what remained of his energy and the gods knew he was going to need it to make it through this conversation.

Presuming she talked to him, of course.

He had the feeling that it was now or never. That if he didn’t get her to talk, she’d walk away and not return. And he could not, would not, abide that. They’d come too far, and she meant too much, for him to allow that to happen.

What was she thinking? He tried to tamp down his anxiety enough to consider the possibilities. With her, it could be any number of things. Probably was a number of things. But there had to be a root concern. He just had to dig it out.

She’d mentioned fear over being able to fit in. It felt too easy to be the cornerstone, but it was a valid concern. It had to be hard for her to imagine what kind of life she could lead in a place like this. He understood the lure of that camp in that way. She was used to living on the fringes of society, knew how to behave in them.

He kept an eye on the bathing room, but aside from the faint splash of water, he heard nothing, so he moved on.

Had there been something more with that guy he’d seen her with than she’d let on? No, he couldn’t really see that.

Did she think she was dragging them down? Obviously she did, if she thought she might get them kicked out, but… the whole point of this was to find a place for all of them. And it was just as difficult to find a place where he could be comfortable as it was for her. It wasn’t all on her, but… she should know that.

Maybe it was him. She’d said so, back when they’d first started out, that she didn’t know what this was between them. She’d freaked out at the thought of being important to him, so he’d let it go. Maybe that had been a mistake. Maybe the prospect of finally settling down and facing what was between them had her so spooked that she wanted to run.

Maybe… maybe he was the only one with feelings like that, and he had everything all w–

The door to the bathing room creaked as it opened, interrupting his increasingly spiraling thoughts.

Is it me? he blurted as soon as she glanced his way.

Carr started, but her red-veined eyes remained locked on him while she moved out of the doorway. She’d changed back into pants, he noticed. What really caught his attention, though, was the bag looped over her shoulder.

His breath caught; it really was now or never. She wouldn’t, or maybe couldn’t, talk to him, so he needed to be the one doing the talking. Before she sidled around the bed and out the door.

I didn’t do as well with the traveling as I’d hoped, he said, watching her carefully. And now I’m laid up again, mostly relying on you to communicate for me, and you to keep me in a good place in my head, and I know it’s a lot.

She shook her head. “I… I don’t care ‘bout any of that.”

He hadn’t really thought so, but it was good to hear it. And maybe… maybe if he’d needed to hear that, there were things she needed to hear.

You know you matter more to me than for just the things you can help me with, right? That if you left,–he had to swallow past the lump that rose in his throat–if you left, it would kill me, inside.

He thumped his chest for emphasis, wincing when he jarred his wound. The numbing medicine was wearing off. Amazing timing, that. He didn’t have time to deal with it though, so he ignored it.

I don’t care if we have to scour the entire realm for a place that fits all of us. I don’t care if we have to build a place from the ground up. I just want to be with you, in a place where you can feel free to be you.

I love you, he wanted to say but didn’t. He was pushing it as it was, based on how little color was left in her face.

His heart sank when she didn’t reply. If that’s not what you want, that’s fine. The words left him feeling raw, even silent as they were. I’ll respect that. But I thought you should know. What you mean to me.

He looked away, his jaw clenched. Waiting for her to say that he had it all wrong.

For her to take the way out he’d offered.

Instead, a low keening sound had him snapping his head back up, but it stopped when she clapped a hand over her mouth. He leaned forward a bit, alarmed at her reaction.

“You can’t– I can’t,” she finally said, the whites of her eyes visible all the way around as she backed away.

Can’t what? Resh asked. He held his breath.

“I c-can’t,” she moaned, stumbling into one of the chairs. She moved behind it, clutching it like a shield.

Well, shit. Maybe she hadn’t needed to hear that. He held out his hand in supplication, hoping she’d understand because she sure wasn’t looking at his face anymore. He wasn’t sure she was looking at anything.

And then she was, although there was a desperate look in her eyes. “Take it back,” she pleaded. “Tell me I misunderstood. Tell me you aren’t over there trying t’ say you l-love me or something and that’s why you don’t want me t’ go.”

Guess he hadn’t needed to say the actual words for her to get the meaning. Fuck.

I can’t, he said, his chest aching in a way that had nothing to do with his wound. Why is that a bad thing?

He couldn’t understand. Surely to gods, it wasn’t a surprise that he cared for her; he’d just given it words. What difference did she think–

Carr fell to her knees. Her bag clunked when it hit the floor, forgotten as she hunched over, her breath coming in ragged gasps.

Oh shit. Resh didn’t even think. He moved, ignoring the now dull throb of his shoulder as he knelt beside her.

It was torture, but he didn’t touch her, fearing he’d make whatever this was worse. She knew he was there; he was close enough that she could shift her weight and her knee would bump into his.

So he waited, wishing to all the gods that he could speak to her when she wasn’t looking. He’d tell her everything would be alright. Tell her she had nothing to fear from him.

This changes nothing, he said when she finally regained control and raised her head.

She stared at him helplessly, a tear tracking down her cheek.

“It changes everything,” she whispered.

Tell me what, he said, clenching his fist inside his sling. This was it, the root of it all; he felt it in his bones. But he didn’t want to guess wrong. He also did not want to talk about what he thought would be coming next, but he’d do anything to get that look off her face. Anything to convince her to stay.

“P-people who, who l-love each other, they–and I can’t, I can’t, I– Resh, I’ve tried, I’ve tried! Please, I can’t…” She covered her mouth again with trembling hands.

Who love each other. Very good friend.

Oh gods.

The relief he felt… indescribable. She returned his feelings, at least somewhat. But on the heels of that came a suffocating guilt. She’d been so afraid, for all this time, thinking he’d eventually want–he swallowed down the pain that came when he realized he’d made her suffer with that uncertainty. He reached out with his free hand, and she actually took it, squeezing so hard his bones creaked.

I am so sorry, I didn’t realize– He shook his head at the bewildered look on her face. It doesn’t matter. Look, you don’t need to worry about that. I don’t expect sex from you. His face burned, but one of them needed to say it.

Her whole body jerked, her nails digging into his palm. “Y-you don’t? But–”

No buts, he said.

Carr pulled her hand back, her expression hardening. “I won’t sit around while you fuck someone else.”

I don’t want anyone else. If he’d had his voice, she would’ve heard how ridiculous he thought that was.

“I’m serious,” she said. “I would kill them, and that’s not fair. I should leave, while I’m still able to–”

Resh slapped his hand on his knee, cutting her off. I don’t want anyone else.

She swiped her sleeve across her face, sniffing. “I don’t understand.”

It’s not… something that’s important to me? If anything, his face burned hotter. He didn’t know how to make it any more clear.

She was silent, her head cocked as she contemplated him.

You tried it? He couldn’t even imagine, as touch averse as she was. How had she tolerated it? Or had she? Or was it forced on you?

She snorted. “Both. But I felt like I needed to be sure because nobody would get off my fuckin’ back about it.” She went on, all while Resh tried to keep himself from shattering over her first response. “‘When you gonna get yourself a girl, Carr?’ or ‘My gods, just get laid already’ when they thought I was in a mood.”

He shifted, wincing when his ribs protested the movement. He wanted to address the first part but didn’t think she’d appreciate it. So he forced himself to move past it, as she had. They sound like a bunch of dicks. I’m surprised you let that get to you.

Her mouth twisted. “Yeah, well.” She looked like she wanted to say more but instead said, “Let’s get you back to bed.”

As she helped him up, he tried not to wonder if this would be the last time. He wanted his energy back, of course. He wanted to not be such a fucking burden. But would this be the last time his arm was around her shoulders? The last time he would feel her warmth and be able to tell himself it was real?

I wish I had been there for you, he said after she’d helped him get situated, unable to let it go completely. He leaned against the headboard, trying to catch his breath. He probably should’ve laid down, but he wasn’t ready to give up. Would never be ready.

“It was a long time ago,” she said, not even bothering to pretend she didn’t know what he meant.

Like that made it any better. Gods. Resh watched her as she stood up, trying to memorize the way she swept her hair out of her face, the set of her lips, the graceful way she moved. I don’t want you to go.

She took in a shaky breath. “I don’t want to be the reason you can’t stay here. And… I know you say it doesn’t matter, but I lived with a bunch of men. Who thought I was a man. It’s all they ever thought about. The amount of sex jokes I know alone is ridiculous. And I just… I don’t know. I think– I think there’s something wrong with me, Resh.”

He opened his mouth, but she kept talking before he could say anything.

“I went to that brothel because I needed t’ know, not because those stupid pricks needled me into it. Needed t’ see if I was broken, or just made wrong.” She wrinkled her nose, a faraway look in her eye. “I couldn’t tell, but the thought of ever trying it again makes me feel sick.”

Resh felt sick, that she’d put herself through that.

“I’ve heard… heard people say it’s different with someone you care about.” Her breath hitched, and the look she shot him was full of both desperation and sheer terror. “Anyone I could’ve cared about before I couldn’t have knowing I was a girl. But you…” Her mouth worked, but nothing came out. She wrapped her arms around her middle and took a step back.

You care about me? he prompted, eyeing the door she was inching towards. Her bag still lay on the floor across the room, but he didn’t think that would stop her.

She nodded and took another step back.

And you think I’ll hold you to some nonsense like that when it’s clear how uncomfortable even the thought makes you? His breath was coming too fast, sending shards of fire rippling across his chest.

She was balanced on her toes, looking like she was poised to take flight at a moment’s notice. If he said the wrong thing, he was confident she’d bolt out that door and he’d never see her again. The thought had him breaking out in a cold sweat.

If there’s something wrong with you–which, for the record, I don’t think there is–then there’s something wrong with me too, he said, keeping a close eye on her body language while he spoke. I think we’re just… different.

“We?” she asked sharply.

It doesn’t bother me as much as it seems to bother you, but–

“It? I’m gonna need you t’ be very specific here,” Carr said, her eyes a little wild. “‘It’ the whole, ‘it’ a part of…”

Gods. He passed a hand before his face. I’ve had… sex, and it was fine, I guess, but I haven’t for… I don’t even know how long, and I don’t really care if I ever do again. My… fuck, my hand works just fine– Oh gods, Carr, please say you understand. I’ve never been able to talk about this shit without feeling like I’d rather sink into the ground for all eternity.

Absolute utter silence. He wasn’t sure she was breathing. He wasn’t sure he wasn’t going to burst into flames.

There’s more to loving someone than wanting to fuck them. He scrunched his face, trying to convey the bitterness that would’ve been present in his tone. I. Don’t. Fucking. Care.

“You really don’t?” she whispered. Her weight shifted, no longer balanced so precariously.

The scarred skin of his brow felt uncomfortably tight beneath the blazing heat of his embarrassment. I really don’t. He held out his hand, wanting her away from that door.

A calculating look entered her wary gaze, and she took a hesitant step forward. “Do you want to kiss me?”

Dear gods. This conversation might kill him, and then it wouldn’t matter if she left.

Only if you wanted me to. He kept his hand out, even though his arm shook with the effort.

“Do you want to touch me?” She swept her hand over her body, arching an eyebrow.

He was careful to keep his cringe internal. Only if you wanted me to.

Carr took another step forward. And another. He felt like he was barely breathing.

Skirting his hand, she climbed onto the bed and straddled him. Resh let his arm drop, prickles of alarm skating up his spine. What was she doing?

She leaned forward, hesitated to make her intention clear, and when he didn’t protest slanted her lips across his.

It was the most chaste and innocent kiss he’d ever experienced. It was also the most devastatingly effective kiss he’d ever experienced. His heart thudded against the confines of his chest, feeling like it might burst out of its cage.

Only a few seconds passed before she pulled away. Her cheeks were flushed when she asked, in the most deadly saccharine sweet tone he’d ever heard, “Do you want to fuck me now?”

No, he said without a second’s hesitation. Goosebumps broke out over his exposed flesh. He didn’t dare move a muscle.

“What, no ‘only if you want me to’ for that one?” she asked, sitting back on his thighs. Her eyes glittered queerly.

He shook his head. No. You’ve made your feelings abundantly clear. I would never.

“But what if I asked you to?” she pressed.

I think I might fall over dead, and then it would be a moot point, he said with a nervous laugh.

That must’ve done the trick because the tension faded. Confusion settled over her features instead.

“What do you want, Resh?”

For you to stay. He clenched the bedspread in his hand so he didn’t do something stupid.

Exasperated, she said, “Besides that.”

I want… I want to build a life with you. When you were gone, after… after. I missed you all the time. So bad, it was a physical ache. I want to see you smile. I want you to feel safe.

“I missed you, too,” she said, gracing him with a little smile that faded too quickly for his liking. “Physically, Resh. What do you want?”

He sighed. I like holding your hand. I like when you brush my hair back, or touch my cheek. I like when you sit next to me and our shoulders touch.

“What else?” she prompted, swiping her hair out of her face.

Resh stared at her hand longingly. Her weight on his legs was an exquisite torture. He wanted to rest his hand on her thigh. He wanted to–oh, he was supposed to be telling her that.

I’d like to hold you, sometimes, he said after a moment. If you wanted.

“Is… is that it?” she asked, her brow furrowing.

He swallowed. It seemed like a lot to ask of her, considering. It’s not… you don’t have to. I don’t want anything you aren’t comfortable with.

Instead of answering, she climbed off his lap. A lump rose in his throat. Was that it, then? Had it been enough?

But she didn’t move away as he’d thought she would. No, she came closer, up under his arm on his uninjured side.

“Does this hurt?” she asked, lightly laying her head on her shoulder.

He couldn’t breathe, but it wasn’t because he was hurting. She looked up, and he shook his head.

“You can put your arm around me,” she said, the warm puffs of her breath skating across his skin. “I’m pretty sure that’s part of holding someone.”

He huffed. She wasn’t wrong. Gingerly, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, then lowered his chin on top of her head. He was hyperaware of her body, of how what little stiffness there had been slowly melted away, how her breathing evened out and slowed. She rested her hand on his chest, over his heart, and he had to tell himself not to cry.

His eyes burned anyway. Never in his wildest dreams had he actually thought she’d allow this.

“I’ll stay,” she whispered.

A tear fell free, and then another.

He’d never been more grateful.

#hidden depths #original writing #original characters #whump #whump writing #fantasy writing #fantasy whump

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bramble-mouse · 2 months ago

Note

Ghost Tinies

Ghost Borrowers,Ghost fairies, just tiny ghosts in general

Imagine they try to possess you but when they do they're barely louder than an intrusive thought

It's almost Halloween too so it's on brand :D

(Can be a prompt but also generally curious about your opinion)

Ngl, this is never really a thing I've thought really hard about before! Lemme give it a go.

CW for brief vomit mention (it's just a quick reference to a particular scene from The Exorcist, no actual barfing occurs)

You only really hear it when you fall asleep- that miniscule voice, ragged and moaning in the back of your mind. You feel something muster its great will within, to force nerves to light like candles within your limbs, only to barely make your pinky twitch. Then, you sense the frustration, hear ghoulish cursing before they try again- and fail just as spectacularly to control your body.

You figured out weeks ago that something had possessed you, but quite frankly, you felt a little bit bad for whatever was still stubbornly trying to go full Exorcist on you; you doubted you'd be turning your head around 180 degrees or barfing up pea soup everywhere any time soon at the rate of non-progression this ghost was going.

Then one night, a month into your really rather mild possession, you awaken and note that the voice isn't in your head. It's silent, without even a tingle of influence left to speak of. Furrowing your brow, you turn over to reach for your lamp on the night stand when a different source of light greets you- a teeny, tiny little figure, legless, see through and glowing green. And if the posture was anything to go by, this very small haunt was moping. "If it's any consolation," You speak without really thinking too much, your voice rough and slurred from sleep.

"You did manage to make my pinky twitch a couple times." The little ghost lets out a warbled huff in response. "You wanna try again?" You extend your hand. At this point, you're not really worried about a voice in your head or your pinky finger acting seemingly of its own accord. In fact, this wee spirit is a welcome addition to your quiet life. You extend your hand towards the little ghost, your fingertips passing through the tiny spot of biting cold. The ghost whips its head up, a pair of beady red eyes fixing on you. "Mmrph." It grunts, then slithers into your flesh again, a cold patch travelling up the length of your arm before it settles strongly into your chest rather than you brain for now. You pat your chest a few times, amused, then drag your comforter up to your cheek, turn over and doze back off to the cooling thrum of the ghost poorly trying to play your nervous system like magical puppet strings.

#mouseymusings #g/t community #g/t #giant/tiny #g/t fluff #g/t thoughts #cw: vomit

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bellysoupset · 7 months ago

Note

“As if to confirm his point, he heard hurried steps and then the noise of liquid hitting liquid and Jonah’s signature loud burp down the hall”

“Jon scoffed, cupping his mouth and belching again, his throat aching with the force behind it, “please.”

soup i genuinely think i gain 10 years of life force every time you reference jonah’s burps

I’VE BEEN EATING SO GOOD LATELY THANK YOU 😫

- 🧝‍♂️

YOU'RE WELCOME!!

For real, its so helpful when you point out what lines are doing something, because I genuinely Do Not Know. I was shook when people were talking about the Jonah muffling his burp in his coat moment, as someone who's more into nausea than burps, this was not something that crossed my mind as hot?? and yet.

#lovely correspondence #🧝‍♂️ anon

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whumpy-writings · 10 months ago

Text

Helpless

Febuwhump 2024 Day 1

The Dhampir Files Masterlist

CW: Non-con drugging, abusive parents (whumpees are adults), carewhumpers, reference to murder of parents

"You're an old man now, ya know that?" Cal leaned against the doorframe, smirking. Renn rolled his eyes.

"You're older than me."

"Exactly. Welcome to the old man club, where our favorite activity is napping and complaining loudly about the weather." Cal crossed the room and ruffled Renn's hair. Renn slapped his hand away playfully.

"But seriously, Renn. Happy Birthday."

"Thanks," Renn said. "I honestly can't believe I'm twenty. Part of me didn't think we'd live this long."

Cal sighed. "Wow, way to bring down the mood." He wrapped Renn in a hug. Renn closed his eyes and squeezed his brother back. They were dhampirs, half human and half vampire. They weren't supposed to exist. If the authorities ever discovered them, they would be executed. There had been several close calls over the years, but they had so far evaded detection.

"Boys! Dinner is ready," Silvie called from downstairs. She was the human housekeeper who had taken care of them for the past few years. Ever since things with their vampire parents had gone sour.

The two boys tromped downstairs. Renn breathed in the scent of rosemary roasted chicken. It was his favorite meal.

"It's smells delicious in here." Renn pulled out his chair and settled in, Cal in the chair across from him.

"I would hope so. I've been slaving away at the stove all day. There's mushroom soup, rosemary chicken, mashed potatoes, and a lemon cake for dessert." Silvie put a dish of butter on the table, removed her apron, and sat down.

Renn's mouth watered at the feast. He started to fill his plate. "Thank you, Silvie. Everything looks amazing."

"Anything for you, Renn. Happy birthday."

They talked and laughed as they ate. Renn drank the cup of blood Silvie had provided for him to wash down his dinner.

Silvie brought out the cake and she and Cal fussed over how best to arrange the twenty candles on top.

"Well make a wish," Cal said.

Renn stared at the flickering flames, contemplating. Then he blew out the candles. I wish for twenty more years just like this.

The cake was, of course, heavenly. Renn leaned back in his chair. "I pronounce this birthday feast a success." He got to his feet and started to gather the dirty dishes.

"Hey, I got those," Cal said as he swatted Renn's hand away. Renn let his brother have the dishes. Cal was at the sink when Renn noticed Silvie crying.

"What's wrong?" Renn pulled out a chair next to her, his brow pinched in concern. She looked at her lap and sniffled into a handkerchief.

"Oh, nothing. You boys are just both so grown up." Sylvie looked at him with a sad expression. "It feels like it went by so fast." She stroked his cheek. "I'll miss you."

"What do you mean?" Renn asked. "I'm not going anywhere."

Sylvie's eyes widened. "I mean . . . I'll miss the little boy you used to be."

Renn couldn't suppress his snort. "Really? I think I single-handedly gave you at least three-quarters of your grays."

Sylvie laughed. "You weren't that bad. I only got half from you, the other half came from your brother."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Cal called from the sink. "I'm an angel."

"What about that time you brought an entire bucket of frogs into the house?" Renn asked.

Cal spun around. "It was freezing outside! I was trying to save them."

Sylvie chuckled. "I swear my heart almost gave out when I woke up to a frog on my pillow."

The rest of the evening passed quietly. Renn changed into his nightclothes and climbed into bed. It was early spring and he left the window cracked open to get the cool night breeze. The only sounds were the chirping of the crickets and the wind whooshing through the leaves. Renn, Cal, and Sylvie lived in a little house out in the country, far away from prying eyes. It hadn't always been that way. Renn shook off the memory. They were here now, that's what mattered. He was just about to put his candle out when there was a knock at his door.

"Come in."

Sylvie came in, a candle in one hand and a cup in the other.

"I brought you some tea," she said as she set the candle on the table. "I know how much you like the chamomile."

Renn sat up in bed and took the teacup. "Thanks. Does it have-"

"Yes, I put in two dollops of honey."

Renn grinned. "You're the best, Sylvie."

Renn took a sip of the tea. He sighed at the sweetness. Sylvie sat down on the edge of his bed.

"I love you, Renn. Please always remember that."

Renn's forehead creased. "I love you too. Are you alright? You've seemed sad today." He took another sip of his tea. He could feel a headache coming on.

"You've always been such a sweet boy. I asked them for more time, but they said it had to be now."

"Wh-what are you talking about?" Renn asked. His vision blurred and his head pounded. He suddenly was so, so tired. Sylvie took the cup from him as he fell back against the pillows.

"I'm sorry," Sylvie said. Renn's eyes widened. She had drugged him. But why? He tried to move away from her but his limbs were as heavy as lead. Sylvie shifted his head into her lap. "Don't fight it. It's no use. Just relax, Renn." Renn's eyes drifted shut. He forced them open. He had to get away. He had to warn Cal. He attempted to yell but all that came out was a strangled sob. He was going to die. He had always thought he would burn to death. That someday the authorities would discover him and Cal and have them burned at the stake for being monstrosities. He had never thought it would be like this. Drugged by the woman who he loved as if she was his own mother.

"It's okay honey, it's okay," Sylvie soothed as she ran a hand through his hair. "You're just going to sleep for a little bit." Renn wanted to pull away from her, but he was completely helpless. The last thing he saw before the darkness claimed him was the tear sliding down Sylvie's face.

Renn floated in the darkness for what felt like eternity.

"He's more sensitive than Callum," a voice said. "She should have given him a smaller dose."

"She had no way of knowing that," another voice said. "He'll be fine. It'll just take a little longer to get through his system."

Renn whimpered. His head pounded and he had never felt so sore in his life. He blinked his eyes open. The light burned and he snapped them shut again with a groan.

"Ah, you're awake!"

"W-" Renn coughed. His tongue felt thick and a bout of dizziness washed over him. He tried again. "W-where am I?"

"You're home, my beautiful boy. You're finally home." That voice. Renn knew that voice. With enormous effort, he opened his eyes.

"Mother?"

"Yes baby, I'm here." She looked just like he remembered. Long black hair pulled back into a sensible bun, a no-nonsense gray dress, eyes that sparkled with what he had once thought was love. He knew better now.

"You had Sylvie drug me," he said.

His father spoke up. "I'm sorry about that, it must have been unpleasant. But you never would have come home otherwise."

"Of course not!" Renn yelled. His heart pounded and he was hit by the instinct to flee. He had never wanted to see them again. Not after he had seen them murder his human mother and Cal's human father in cold blood. "You killed them. You killed our parents right in front of us."

Father sighed. "For what it's worth, we didn't intend for you and Callum to see that. The only reason we eliminated them was to protect you two."

Renn let out a deep breath. "Why am I here? Where's Cal?" He tested his limbs and found he could barely move a finger.

"Callum's downstairs. We've already spoken with him," Mother said. "As for why you're here, you'll be helping us to push the boundaries of modern science. You and Callum are the first dhampirs to make it to maturity in generations. We know next to nothing on dhampir anatomy and physiology, so we'll be studying you two."

Renn's throat went dry. "You're going to dissect us?"

Father had the audacity to laugh. "Oh no, of course not. We're much more interested in how your bodies work than what they look like on the inside." That wasn't very reassuring.

"You're too special to waste on something as unrefined as dissection," Mother pitched in. Renn closed his eyes as tears burned. "You must be exhausted. Let's take you downstairs."

Renn couldn't fight back as his father picked him up and carried him to his fate.

Taglist: @dragonqueenslayer6 @whumpsday

#parent whumper #renn and cal #the dhampir files #abusive parent tw #noncon drugging tw #carewhumper #multiple whumpers #dhampir whump #febuwhump 2024 #febuwhumpday1

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lemoncrushh · 2 months ago

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Out of Bounds - Chapter 26

STORY PAGE

Word Count: 3265

I awoke to the sound of low voices nearby. Lying on my side, I opened my eyes to see Harry and Penny sitting at her table, the only light coming from the one above them.

"Hi, baby doll," said Penny sweetly when she noticed me. "How are you feeling?"

I cleared my throat and sat up, running a hand through my hair. "Thirsty," I grimaced.

Harry grinned and stood up to retrieve a bottle of water for me from the fridge.

"What time is it?" I asked when he handed it to me.

"About six thirty."

"Did I fall asleep on you? I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he murmured, kissing me on the forehead. "You needed your rest."

"Thank you for staying," I told him as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"You're welcome. You look like you feel better."

I nodded. "I think my fever's gone finally."

I got up to use the restroom, then sat down at the table with Harry and Penny. I decided to eat the other half of my sandwich and Harry warmed up the rest of my soup for me. It felt great going down, and afterwards I felt a hundred times better.

"Report tomorrow, right?" I turned to Harry, referring to our Sociology paper.

"Only if you're up to it," he said, looking a bit concerned.

"I think I'll be okay. I don't want it to be late."

Harry nodded as he ran his hand up my forearm. "I love you," he mouthed.

I grinned at him and squeezed his hand. "I love you, too."

"So..." Penny cleared her throat. "What do you two lovebirds have planned for Thanksgiving?"

"Actually, Penny," I sighed, sitting back in my chair, "I was going to ask you the same thing. Do you have plans with Zack?"

"Yep," she grinned. "And we want you guys to join us."

"Really?" I looked to Harry and back to her. "That would be great!"

"I talked Zack into staying home instead of going to his parents'. His mom was none too happy, but he told her he'd come home for Christmas."

"Are we doing it here, or at Zack and Harry's?" I asked.

"Oh this place is way too small," Penny insisted. "We'll go there."

"You okay with that?" I turned to Harry.

"Fine with me," he shrugged, rubbing his hands on his jeans.

"Yay," Penny clapped her hands together. "It'll be fun. Just us four. I mean...unless you had to visit family, Tisa. I didn't think of that, I'm sorry."

"No," I shook my head. "I haven't seen my family in years. James and I usually either went to his mother's or we stayed home."

I immediately felt guilty for mentioning James. I cringed as I snuck a peek at Harry. He didn't seem upset in the least. He looked curious, if anything.

"Oh...okay," said Penny, thankfully leaving it at that.

I still wasn't feeling a hundred percent Thursday morning. In fact, I threw up once more before I left for school. I managed to drink a cup of tea, the thought of coffee sounding unbearable. I took a piece of toast with me for the ride, figuring I probably wouldn't even eat all of it.

Harry just happened to pull into the parking space next to mine just as I was getting out of my car. I stopped and waited for him on the sidewalk, and we walked to Professor Crawford's class together.

"You ready?" he asked as his hand guided me on the small of my back.

"Let's do this," I said, trying to sound enthusiastic.

Just as we were about to enter the classroom, I noticed the "mean girls" sitting at a picnic table nearby. Liz was the only one to seemed to notice me as she quickly stood up and said goodbye to the other two girls.

Harry and I sat at our table, ready to give our report. We were more than prepared, but as soon as I saw Leslie and Charice walk in, followed by Crawford, I felt a sudden wave of nausea rush over me. I took a couple of deep breaths, hoping it would subside, but it didn't. I quickly laid my head down on the desk.

"Tisa..." Harry questioned. I felt his hand on my back. "You okay?"

"I think I'm gonna throw up."

I lifted my head slowly, catching a glimpse of Harry's concerned face.

"Ms. Jordan, Mr. Styles," I heard Crawford say. He sounded very far away although he was standing directly in front of us. "You two want to go first?"

I suddenly felt like I had tunnel vision. The next few things seemed to happen instantaneously, yet in slow motion at the same time.

"Sorry!" I exclaimed.

I stood up quickly, nearly knocking over my chair, ran to the door and outside toward the restrooms. Fortunately I made it to the stall in time to throw up. Unfortunately, I hadn't thought to bring a toothbrush. I splashed cold water on my face and stood over the sink for a few minutes, trying to get my bearings. This was more than a twenty-four hour bug. This had to be the stomach flu, or something similar. I felt like hell.

I heard the bathroom door squeak open, and I didn't bother to look up. But just as I put my hands under the running water to wash them, I caught a flash of red hair go by. Of course she would choose to walk slowly to the very last stall, as though she was on a leisurely stroll. I lifted my head then to glare at Liz in the mirror. She gave me blank stare before closing the stall door behind her.

I still didn't feel up to going back to the classroom just yet. I closed my eyes and took a few more deep breaths, wishing to God the nausea and dizziness would stop.

"Feeling ill?" I heard from behind me.

I didn't want to look at her. I kept my eyes closed, my hands supporting myself on the edge of the sink. I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth. Just then, I felt a hand tap my arm. I jolted, my eyes wide. Liz stood there with a pack of two Pepto Bismol tablets in her hand, holding it out to me. I eyed her for a moment, wondering why the hell she was offering it to me.

"Take it," she insisted. "It couldn't hurt."

"Thanks," I muttered, hesitantly taking the medicine from her.

"I keep all the essentials in my bag at all times," she explained, lifting the flap of her messenger bag. "You need it, I got it. Gum, mints, Tylenol, tampons...I'm like a regular Walgreens."

I was just about to pop the first tablet in my mouth when it hit me again. I ran to the nearest stall, making it just in time.

"Oh gosh," I heard Liz voice. "Here."

I felt her grab my hair, pulling it back with one hand so that it wouldn't hang over the toilet. She must have found a hair tie in her bag of endless supplies and used it to put my hair into a ponytail. I heaved a couple more times until I felt like I'd thrown up a lung.

"Jeez, you've got it bad," she exclaimed when I stood upright again.

"Yeah," I agreed, grabbing some toilet paper to wipe my eyes.

I made it back over to the the sink, where I realized I'd dropped the medicine which was now bubbling and dissolving.

"Shit," I cursed under my breath.

"Don't sweat it. I have more."

"Thanks," I said again when she handed me another packet. "How come you're being so nice to me?"

I hated to suspect anyone of ulterior motives, but this was a girl who had despised me for no reason other than her friend having a crush on my boyfriend. Why the sudden change of heart?

Liz shrugged. "I don't know."

I squinted my eyes. "Don't give me that. You and your friends have been nothing but mean to me for the last couple months. What gives?"

Liz swallowed and then lifted her chin. "Maybe I just don't like being mean. Being nice is much easier."

"Yeah, it is," I scoffed. "Especially when you really have no valid reason to hate me."

Turning my attention back to the medicine in my hand, I tossed it in my mouth and chewed the tablets, taking a handful of water from the sink to wash them down.

Liz sighed, leaning against the sink beside mine. "Britney's my best friend. I've known her since we were in elementary school. She lived down the street. She's like a sister to me."

I watched her as she pulled on the drawstring of her hoodie. I said nothing, so she continued.

"One night this summer we went out to the movies. Before we went, we stopped at Mikado's to have dinner. Harry was our waiter. He was really cute, really sweet and really funny. Britney was quite taken with him. I mean, I was too, if I'm being honest. But Britney wouldn't stop talking about him all night. Even after we left the movies, she was still going on about him. She was a smitten kitten.

"So of course, we went back. Only this time we found out he was working at the bar. We decided to ditch whatever other plans we had and just sat at the bar until closing. We did this several times."

Liz finally took a breath, looking at me. "Sometimes Britney would go without me. I kinda started to worry a little bit. Like, was she taking this infatuation too far? I figured if Harry was interested, he would have asked her out by now."

I raised an eyebrow in agreement.

"Well," she continued. "Then school started, so we had less time to go unless it was the weekend. Then there was the night you were there."

Liz eyed me, making sure I remembered. Of course I remembered. Britney had taken my seat.

"It was obvious Harry knew you. I didn't really think anything of it. I thought you and your friend were cool. I enjoyed being a part of the...sort of party, I guess."

I nodded, recalling the party vibe that Harry and Brian had given off, setting the tone for the remainder of the evening.

"Britney was P.O.'d!" Liz exclaimed. I almost laughed at her tone and choice of words, but my stomach still hurt. "After you left she was really laying it on thick with Harry, leaning over the bar and practically petting him. He's always so nice, and I'm sure trying to keep his job, he just takes it. But not once have I seen him act like he's interested."

I grinned slightly, a little glimmer of pride on my face.

"But anyway, like I said, Britney's my best friend. I love her. And I want her to be happy. And she wants Harry." Liz sighed again, taking a moment to gather more thoughts. "I know I didn't have a valid excuse to hate you, or be mean to you. She hates you with a passion though. And I guess I had to be an enemy by association. And then..."

She paused, seeming hesitant to say the rest of her sentence.

"Then what?" I asked.

"She was at the bar one night. Harry wasn't there, but she stayed anyway. Two men and a woman were sitting beside her. She didn't recognize her at first, but then she remembered her as your friend. Justine, was it?"

"Oh no," I grimaced.

"I don't recall the whole story, but apparently one of them mentioned Harry, which of course made her perk up her ears. Then they mentioned you. And one of the men said you were his wife."

"Are you serious?"

Liz nodded. "That's how we found out you were married. Now listen," she held up a hand. "It was none of my business. And it's still not. But at the time all I thought was that was a great way to get back at you. I could use that knowledge against you to help out my friend. I guess I thought, if she can't have him, you don't deserve him either."

"Thanks," I muttered sarcastically.

Liz shook her head. "I realized I was wrong. I'm sorry."

"What made you come to this decision?" I asked with narrowed eyes.

"I've seen the way he looks at you."

I blinked, not expecting that answer.

"That boy's in love with you. And you're in love with him. I watch you when you're walking to class, when he puts his arms around you and kisses you. I don't know anything about your husband, or ex-husband, or whatever he is. But if Harry loves you like that...I can't imagine you being in love with anyone else."

"Wow," I breathed. I didn't know how to respond to that.

"And also...it's obvious Britney needs to give up this...whatever it is. Wishing Harry would pay attention to her, ask her out, whatever. I told her so last night."

My eyes about popped out of my head. "You did?"

"Yeah," she let out a deep sigh. "She's probably still a little mad at me. But she'll get over it. I told her that Harry wouldn't pick someone disgusting to fall in love with. And the truth hurts, but she needs to move on."

"Wow," I said again. "Thanks...I guess."

"Welcome," Liz shrugged. "Are you feeling better?"

"Um...yeah, a little. You don't happen to have a toothbrush in that bag of yours, do you?"

She chuckled. "I do, but it's mine. I don't have a spare. I can give you this though."

Liz dug through her bag and pulled out a Binaca spray. Then she grabbed a container of mints and a pack of gum.

"Take your pick," she offered.

"I'll take one of each, actually," I grinned.

"Good idea."

I made it back to class in one piece, still feeling a tiny bit queasy, but loads better than I had when I left. I quietly sat next to Harry as I listened to two other students give their report. He didn't ask any questions; he just took my hand under the table and squeezed it.

Crawford had agreed that Harry and I could give our report on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, with no points off of our grade since I had been taken ill. I still insisted that we at least turn in the printed copy, as some sort of assurance that we had written it, and he was fine with that.

On the sidewalk, I told Harry about my run-in with Liz. I told him the whole story, what she'd told me and even how she helped me. She had also said that Leslie and Charice hadn't been enlightened yet, and along with Britney might still be bitter for a little while. I honestly wasn't worried. I felt a huge burden lifted off of my shoulders. Liz and I might not ever be friends, but at least I knew she wasn't the hateful bitch she had pretended to be.

Harry had to work that night and the next, but both he and Zack were off Saturday. That gave me time to hopefully get well, so we made plans for Penny and I to go their apartment for dinner.

Penny insisted on waiting on me hand and foot after she got home from work. She told me she loves to play nurse, that she probably would have been one if she hadn't discovered she liked to sing. I wasn't going to argue with her, and frankly couldn't anyway. I still felt horrible and stayed in bed the rest of the afternoon on into the evening. I got up only to use the bathroom and eat a quick dinner with Penny at the table. Fortunately I didn't throw up anymore that day, but probably because I didn't have anything in me to throw up.

Friday morning, however, I felt like I was back at square one. I felt cold and clammy, and managed to vomit twice before Penny just about put me on house arrest if I so much as tried to set one foot out the door. I texted Harry to let him know I was once again staying home sick.

"Girl, this has been long enough," exclaimed Penny. "You need to go to the doctor."

"I'm not that sick," I argued.

"Fuck that, yes you are!"

"I'll be okay," I muttered.

I couldn't afford to go to the doctor, even if I wanted to. Although I hadn't asked him, I wouldn't be surprised if James had already taken me off his insurance. There's probably some rule that says a separated spouse is still covered, but I wouldn't put anything past James at this point. And I definitely had no extra money for meds.

"Fine," Penny crossed her arms. "I'll give you the weekend. But if you're still sick Monday morning, I'm taking you myself."

I watched her walk toward her bedroom, only to return two seconds later.

"Tisa..." she said in a weird tone I couldn't quite make out. "You're not pregnant, are you?"

I laughed out loud, causing my stomach to hurt. "Not a chance."

"Why not? Do you and Harry...you know...use protection?"

"I've been on the pill for years," I explained.

"Oh," Penny nodded. "Okay."

She started to turn back to her room but stopped.

"You take it everyday?"

I nodded. "Yes. In fact, I just took today's when I went to the bathroom a minute ago."

"Alright," she sighed, accepting my confirmation.

As I watched her finally exit the room, I thought again about the insurance. I wouldn't be able to afford my pills without the insurance. But that was definitely something I had to make work. I would just have to find a way.

Twenty minutes later, Penny emerged from her room again to leave for work.

"Sorry, I have to go, baby doll," she said, kissing me on the forehead.

"It's okay," I smiled. "I'll be fine."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," I nodded.

"Tell me to butt out if I'm crossing a boundary here...but why would you take birth control if you weren't having sex?"

I sighed in exasperation, knowing this question was coming sooner or later. I could tell her the long story, or the shortened one. I decided on the latter.

"James didn't want kids. So I went on the pill. I guess once we stopped having sex, part of me still hoped we would again eventually, and I wanted to be prepared."

Penny seemed to accept my answer, for which I was grateful. She patted my arm before grabbing her purse and heading out the door. I managed to sleep until the afternoon. I got up and showered, made myself a sandwich and watched a little TV before checking my phone. One text from Harry, just saying he loved me and to call him once I was up and feeling better. And one text from Justine that simply said: Call me.

I rolled my eyes. I was absolutely done with her. I had nothing more to say. I didn't care who she was with or who she was fucking. I didn't give a shit anymore.

I deleted her text, lied back against the pillows on the couch-bed that had become mine, and called Harry.

MASTERLIST | KO-FI | FEEDBACK

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masteroffearshusband49020 · 2 months ago

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This is a self serving shitpost, the audio is from Local Dude Orders a Burger at Star Bucks on YouTube if you're interested. I basically recasted the original voices as different versions of Scarecrow because I felt like it. Feel free to draw this if you want and please tag me if you do! I wanna see it!

BTAS: Can I help the next guest please? Uh hello sir, welcome to Star Bucks, what can I get for you?

Sale: YEAH CAN I GET A MOTHERFUCKIN UHH-

BTAS: *pulls off headset*

Sale: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....

TNBA: *starts laughing*

Sale: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... BURGER?

AA,TNBA,Year One,Yellow Lantern,AK: *all laughing*

BTAS: ...Sir, we don't sell burgers here...

Sale: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T SELL-

BTAS: We sell paninis and breakfast sandwiches

AK: Ugh my cardiac arrest!

Sale: YOU THINK I KNOW WHAT A PANINI IS!?

AA, TNBA, Year One, Yellow Lantern, AK: *still laughing*

AK: Jon- Jonathan... *referring to Sale*

Sale: JUST GIVE ME A BURGER, EXTRA CHEESE!

BTAS: No, we don't have burger extra cheese! We have paninis and-

Sale: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I NEED THIS

BTAS: No! Sir...

Mof: *joins*

Sale: WHY ARE YOU SUPPRESSING FOOD FROM THE PUBLIC?

BTAS: No, sir, do you want coffee?

Mof: What in the hell did I walk into?

TNBA: I'm crying!

BTAS: Do you want coffee? Tea?

TNBA: I'm crying.

Mof: What happened? Hold on, hold on...

BTAS: Can I get you a Caramel machiato?

Sale: YEAH I'LL HAVE A BURGER EXTRA DIP.

Mof: We don't have!- Oh my Gooood, the voice changer, really!?

AA: I'll have two number nines! A number nine large!

TNBA: I'm crying oh my God.

BTAS: Sir, this is a Star Bucks, not a McDonald's...

Sale: PLEASE THEY'LL TAKE MY *spouse or crow Idk* IF I DON'T GIVE THEM THE MONEY

BTAS: Sir! You're at the wrong store! You want a McDonald's!

AA: Why are you buying clothes at the soup store!?

Sale: HELLO?

*laughter*

Sale: I WOULD LIKE A BURGER.

BTAS: No!

Mof: Oh my Goooooood

Yellow Lantern: Jeez...

BTAS: We sell coffee here and breakfast sandwiches here, Jesus Christ! Boss?

Mof: Excuse me, I need to get the manager

AK: Jonathan *Year One*, how much of that did you get?

Sale: C O M P O U N D

Year One: Ugh...

AA: What!?

BTAS: Sir, do you wanna... would you like to speak to the manager?

Mof: He's ordering from the ether

AA: He's ordering a burger

Sale: YEAH CAN I GET A MOTHERFUCKIN UHHH

BTAS: No!

#jonathan crane #scarecrow #dc scarecrow #shitpost

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nihil-nan · 4 months ago

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hello \[^.^]> Nihil here

Welcome to this random blog where all my interests-will, or already did- converge into weird soup... hopefully tasty soup still.

Skip to the end if you just want updates about this blog.

Anyway, introductions and info due:

I'm:

Egyptian

they/he/it. Gender is.. like.. like I have like one foot in the binary, and one foot and the rest of my body out in another dimension. I just refer to myself as a transmasc enby.

I'm asexual, alloromantic though, don't be fooled by the aro posting i just really like aro and aroace tumblr.

Am I nonhuman? not 100% sure. Do I believe in God? Does God even believe in me. Am I neurodivergent? I'm undiagnosed and have no idea what even starts to classify as divergent rather than typical.

Creating an interest list is overwhelming rn so I'll get to that point when I feel like it.

DNI IF

-You discriminate against a group of people in any way shape or form, I won't bother listing the discrimination types.

-You actively either encourage or cause any forms of harm on purpose. Bonus threat-to-society points if you think you're righteous.

-You're strictly and only NSFW porn related. I don't care.

-And if you're going to pester me about me needing to believe in your religion. I extra don't care.

-You think you'll dislike being around me or my blog... In that case why are you even here.

Blog Properties:

I'm inconsistent and my activity could vary from permenantly online to weekly check and silly reblog. I'm very much a lurker mainly so please @ or ask me it's totally chill and helps me stop lurking and start interacting with you more.

I cuss oftentimes without censorship, mostly as my favourite form of exclaimation or show of anger at something. You have been warned

I post about my current interests + relating to my identity and reblog cool stuff I find. I'll always tag any one interest in particular consistently, so just use the tag and you'll get all my specific stuff.

I've only posted about worldless so far. "worldless" is the tag, "worldless game" does NOT show all my posts.

Language: default English, I can still write and translate Arabic if needed.

Current Projects Status:

If you were wondering "wuh? Nihil weren't you really into Worldless and you wanted to do projects and stuff?" Currently I've struggled with 2 Worldless projects because I ran into both personal and technical issues at the same time, idk when I'll have any proper progress. I went a bit quiet on Worldless Tumblr because everytime I remember Worldless I rush to the projects I'm dealing with instead of the community.

-Basically I did a 100% run of both Edda and Aven only (excluding perfect trial and LUCA- LUCA for obvious reasons but perfect trial is totally possible) but the recording is way too long and chunky and I need to process it first (the processing part is so much more difficult than even doing the damned perfect trial with one of the duo at a time what the hell).

-And yes I announced long ago that I would create a set of save files to help kickstart the game from any point as a sort of live reference material or for whichever other need. I called it the sum total of all projects because what it meant for me is that I could review any situation, detail, animation, in game more conveniently and base future projects off of it. HOWEVER, creating multiple saves is a super buggy process in which I accidentally started a new world in which I had all the skill points and character progression despite all the enemies still being there (how). So with my laptop storage cussing me out and my cloud storage in absolute disarray I'm literally the "this is fine" meme rn and am scared to death I'll lose like my actual save files.

-With all that gibberish I forgot some of the memes and artworks I wanted to make for the game but another IMPORTANT thing I have in mind is my contribution to the fanzine. I have not started this but fingers crossed I create at least one thing for the fanzine by the end of August.

#intro post #it's uh...#a work in progress

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 2 years ago

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Hi sex witch, long time listener, 3rd (?) time caller. You've always been kind and patient with my somewhat odd questions so I figured I'd come to you with something I've wanted to ask someone for a while. Ok so basically I'm 19 (20 this fall) and I feel weird about the fact that I've never kissed anyone or really ever had any romantic interactions beyond holding a girl’s hand at camp when I was 15. Honestly, when I've been asked in the past if I'm a virgin people usually just shrug it off but a few weeks ago I had to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being asked about my first kiss and having to say that I, a second year college student, have never kissed anyone. Realistically, I hear a lot about how people, especially queer and/or disabled people (of which I am both), don't need to operate by the same “milestones“ as everyone else but it seems like that’s always referring to like “don't feel weird if you’re still a virgin at 17” rather than whatever my deal is. Basically, I'm partially asking for reassurance and also just asking how to not feel weird about this kind of thing because it feels like the more time that goes past the more embarrassing it is. Also, if/when I ever actually have a relationship how do I explain this without feeling like I am going to fall over and die from embarrassment. Sorry for rambling, love all the work that you do :D

oh hey, welcome back! go ahead and grab your usual seat. I have a cup of [beverage of your choice] for you.

I would like to open by saying it is of course fine to feel a bit bummed or disappointed or generally odd by your lack of romantic experiences with other people, especially if romantic relationships are something you would like to have in your life. they seem like they can be fun, if you're into that sort of thing, and it's very rewarding to make connections with other people. there's nothing wrong with feeling a bit sad about missing out; please just honor those feelings if they're in you and attend to them constructively rather than letting them become a sort of self-pity soup you wallow in for perpetuity.

now, having acknowledged that your feelings are perfectly legitimate and fine and normal to have: it's time to stop feeling embarrassed about experiences you haven't had, because you may as well be embarrassed about having never been struck by lightning.

"Makenzie, why on earth would I be embarrassed about that? I have no control over being struck by lightning. it's a thing that happens entirely at random, and happens more as a result of freak happenstance than anything else. even if I tried to increase my chances by, say, standing next to a lightning rod in a storm, I still couldn't guarantee it would happen."

yeah, babe. exactly. finding a romantic connection is exactly like that, in that you can only put yourself out there and hope. what happens next is mostly a matter of dumb luck and being in precisely the right place at the right time for something electrifying to happen. how could it possibly reflect poorly on you that that's not happened yet?

the main thing is that, whatever your feelings on the matter, anyone else who feels the need to get weird or judgmental or demand an explanation when you explain your romantic history is a clown to whom you owe no explanation. in much the same way you're not required to explain, say, the exact nature of your queerness or your disability, their lack of understanding is their problem, not yours.

as for any future partners, what is there to explain? you certainly have less work to do than people who need to catch new folks up on entire romantic histories. "I've never dated, I've never done this before, you're the first person I've done x with," those are all perfectly satisfactory. any relationship involves learning how to be a good partner all over again, and someone with no prior romantic experience whose willing to learn is frankly a much better prospect than someone whose had many partners but isn't interested in listening to what a new one needs. if your prospective partner(s) can't understand that, their loss I suppose.

#sex edventures 2023

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greatwyrmgold · 2 years ago

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I've been thinking about fan music.

Specifically, I've been thinking about "AD INFINITUM," a Deltarune song that wormed its way into my ear by being pretty good, then into my brain by having some flaws that are both obvious and interesting.

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If I wanted to sell someone on "AD INFINITUM," I'd describe it as three parts "Rock Island," two parts other songs Robert Preston talk-sang (affectionate) in that musical, two parts the start of "Welcome to the Internet" (the wiki-walk through things you can do online), one part high-budget-Lin-Manuel-Miranda-imitation lyricism, flavored with the most iconic/annoying online advertising trends and a dash of overstimulated meltdown.

And if you know anything about Deltarune's second chapter, then it should be pretty clear why this fits Spamton. And it does! It sounds like it should be absolute chaos, but it's directed chaos. It comes together.

Except for the references.

See, if I described "AD INFINITUM" that way, I'd be lying by omission. It's also, conservatively, five parts overt reference to Deltarune. These references range from "Maybe someone unfamiliar with Deltarune would assume this was just marketing exaggeration or lolrandom humor" to "[HYPERLINK BLOCKED]". (By which I mean, even as someone who knows everything there is to know about Deltarune, the [HYPERLINK BLOCKED]s were distracting and irritating. Not enough to make me throw out what the song does well, but still.)

Contrast this with something like Gavin Dunne's "To Be Better."

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On one hand, the musical style doesn't feel as tailored to Kratos as "AD INFINITUM" was to Spamton. It still fits, but it doesn't fit smoothy. On the other hand, it doesn't [HYPERLINK BLOCKED]. Despite the lack of [HYPERLINK BLOCKED], it evokes Kratos's post-2018 character and arc; learning to accept the past without binding the future.

It's a Kratos song as much as "AD INFINITUM" is a Spamton song, just not in ways that are fun to describe. But if you don't know GoW, you might not know if it wasn't for the game footage. There aren't any references that stand out as something unnatural to non-fans.

...

But this isn't exactly a fair comparison, is it? Miracle of Sound has been uploading songs for literally twice as long as the Stupendium. By the time Stupendium's first song was uploaded, Gavin had released an album of 100% original metal songs (not counting the ones based on Irish folklore/pirates) and wrote a song for a notable RPG (Wasteland 2, for the record). And it looks like Stupendium's first year was all covers (plus one Christmas rap)

Let's not forget, Gavin's breakout hit was goddamn "Commander Shepherd". If you haven't heard it before...well, it's called "Commander Shepherd." You can block a hyperlink, you can Mike '97, but you'll never be blunter than "Commander Shepherd". (..."leopard" is literally the only common word that rhymes with "Shepherd," I'm working with what I've got.)

And it's not even the bluntest song in Gavin's first album; that's probably either "The Ballad of Clay Carmine," "Mind of the Bat," or "Necromorph Soup". (Or "I Suck at Call of Duty," if we call that a CoD song and not a song about playing CoD.)

By the same token, the Stupendium's early songs are a lot...I don't want to say worse, but I don't like them as much, and they're definitely closer to "Commander Shepherd" than "AD INFINITUM" was.

This isn't a matter of Stupendium being worse than Miracle of Sound. It's a matter of original fandom songs being a weird thing. It's a friggin' oxymoron, it would be weirder if it wasn't a weird thing! And I've never participated in it, so maybe I shouldn't speculate about why this particular weird thing is weird...

...but I can't help myself.

I feel like it's got something to do with confidence. You make something like "Commander Shepherd" when you're writing for an audience that wants a Mass Effect song. Over time, you accumulate a fanbase that you can start writing for an audience that wants a Miracle of Sound song. Only then can you write something like "To Be Better".

Gavin Dunne clearly knows there are people who want Miracle of Sound songs. Basically every album he's released since Metal Up includes at least one song not inspired by a video game/movie/etc. This gives him confidence that he can write a God of War song that isn't the first thing you imagine when you hear "a song about God of War".

The Stupendium doesn't have that—doesn't have a dozen years of experience, an album of non-IP-based rap, songwriting credits in a medium-name game. "AD INFINITUM" is the best version of the first thing you imagine when you hear "a song about Spamton G. Spamton," but it is still a version of that thing, in ways that make it weaker.

If "AD INFINITUM" played its Spamton closer to the chest, I have to imagine it would be better—better as a sensory overload, as a Music Man homage, as music someone would play in the background, as a rap. But instead, it wears its heart-shaped object on its sleeve.

#fandom #music #the stupendium #miracle of sound #meta #Youtube

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