#you're robbing me of precious hours of sleep here every second week

[saltydumplings]

hello saltydumpling bae i would like to request a villain x henchman that can put you in horny jail again 🙏

Of course, bae <3

Request #23

Cw: AGGRESSIVE SPICE, SLICE OF FLUFF, SPIIIICCEE

Wrong. It was all going wrong - horribly, stupidly wrong.

The villain let out a groan of frustration as they tore the paper in front of them in two, flinging the scraps off to the side and fetching a blank one as they prepared to start over. This would be their seventh attempt now. It was slowly driving them insane - the supervillain couldn't have possibly given them a harder task if they tried. Breaking into a building of heroes was one thing, but stealing something from its very core and getting out alive was simply impossible: a work of fiction, pure fantasy, the supervillain had to be delusional to think they could pull this off.

If only their superior took no as an answer. The villain would have gladly robbed the bank for them - if the supervillain wanted a fancy weapon then why not just buy one themself?

The villain glared down at the page before them impatiently, willing the plan to manifest itself...It didn't.

They dropped their pen down to the side and hid their face in their hands, the temptation to scream running through their mind more than once - they didn't have time for this! They had problems of their own to deal with: internal vaccancies to fill, documents to sign off on, orders that needed placing for things that should have been delivered last week. Three days ago a hero had thrown a car - a car - through the wall of their HR department. There was so much the villain needed to do - so much that should have been done already - and yet here they were, spending over ten hours of their precious time planning a heist for the supervillain on a budget they couldn't even afford. They didn't have the materials for any of this!

Gods, the villain wished it would all just go away. Why did they have to be the one in charge? It was just too much - they were tired. Why couldn't someone just tell them what to do? It would all be so much easier that way: the villain didn't want to think, they just wanted to--

Three steady knocks sounded from the door to their office.

The villain peered out at it through their fingers, dread pooling in their gut at the notion of another mess in need of fixing. For a second they contemplated sending them away before thinking better on it and instead sitting up straight, taking their pen back into hand and jotting down some vague note upon the paper before them as they ordered the person to come in. The henchman entered the office quietly, closing the door with a soft click. The villain could sense the other studying them from across the room before they approached the desk, standing silently as they waited to be addressed.

"What is it?" the villain snapped.

A pause.

Before them, the henchman frowned, eyes narrowed as they took in the mess of torn papers that littered the floor. "You've been working on that all day..."

"So what?" The villain wrote down something else - nothing particularly useful but at least it made it look like they were making progess.

The henchman continued to stare. "It's getting late. I know you didn't get much sleep last night--"

"Henchman, if I wanted someone to mother me I'd have hired a nanny," the villain said sharply. "It is not you're place to--"

The other reached across and grabbed them firmly by the wrist, a stark line getting drawn down the page as the villain flinched back in shock.

"If I were mothering you," the henchman began, "then I would tell you to stop nicely. But something tells me you might need a little more persuasion than that, am I right?"

The villain swallowed, eyes wide and cheeks tinted pink at the other's brashness. They forced themself to turn away, wrenching their hand free from the henchman's hold. "It's none of your concern."

"It is every bit my concern."

"I'm fine," the villain growled, fixing their subordinate with a stare that could have chased away the devil. "Get out. I have work to do."

With that they turned their gaze back down to the paper before them, eyes twitching slightly at the messy scribble down its centre. They huffed and tore it apart, letting the shreds fall down to their feet as they took out another clean sheet before them, tapping the pen idly against the desk as they waited for the henchman to leave. But they didn't. A minute passed and the other never moved an inch, the villain forced to look back up at them once more.

"Get. Out," they repeated.

The henchman frowned. "No."

The villain's brows drew downward, their patience quickly growing thin. "You don't get to say no: that was an order. Now get out before-- what are you doing?"

The other had started making their way around the desk, heading right for them. The villain dropped their pen and rolled their chair back - fists clenched at their sides as they came to stand.

"I said get out! What part of that do you not understan--mmph!"

The henchman pushed them back down and put a hand over their mouth, the villain's eyes going wide once more as another hand caught in their hair and tugged back - their mind blanking out for a moment at the sudden spark of pain that shot through them. They shuddered, their own hands fumbling to pry the henchman's palm from their mouth but to little avail. They only struggled for a few more seconds before giving in, letting their hands simply rest upon the other's arm as they came to relax in their hold.

"Finished?" the henchman asked.

The villain simply glared.

"Good," they said, removing their hand from the villain's mouth and instead letting it press gently against the villain's neck, enjoying the blush the action brought to the other's cheeks. "Now, are you going to behave nicely? Or am I going to have to drag you away from this desk?"

The villain's mouth opened and closed, eyes glancing to their work and then back again. "I don't have time," they said.

"You need a break. You'll get nowhere in this state."

"You don't know that--"

The henchman pulled back on the villain's hair, the other cutting themself off with a small whine.

"Yes," the henchman said. "Yes, I do. You need to stop."

The villain scoffed. "Make me."

A beat.

The henchman's hand tightened around their neck, the villain letting out a soft gasp at the warning.

"You think I wouldn't?"

"No," the villain said with a slight smile, one hand stroking gently across the henchman's arm. "I know you would: that's why I'm asking."

The henchman's gaze softened a little at that. They leant down, pressing a small kiss against the villain's temple and then another upon their cheek. "What would you do without me?" they asked lowly.

To that the villain chuckled, attempting to lean up and kiss the other's lips. "Probably work myself into an early grave."

The henchman didn't find it funny. They held the other back, eyes filled with concern. "You're too hard on yourself," they said.

The villain's smile faded. "I know..."

"Then why do you do it?"

"Because if I don't then I could lose this," the villain said, their hand moving up to caress the henchman's cheek. "I could lose you."

The henchman shut their eyes, a sigh passing through their lips as they leaned into the villain's touch. "You will never lose me," they assured.

"Promise?"

Their eyes locked with the villain's. "I promise," they said softly, finally letting the other have that kiss they were so desperate for. Their lips met with a gentle passion, the touches between them soft until the henchman pulled back on the villain's hair once again, revelling in the small moan they stole from them. "Besides," their teeth scraped down the villain's jaw, the other practically trembling in their anticipation, "if I wasn't here to fuck you stupid you'd think too much, and that would be a problem for all of us."

They suddenly pulled the villain up and bent them over the desk, uncaring for any of the items that were lost to the floor as they grabbed hold of the villain's waist, pinning them down.

The villain shot a look back at them, brows raising slightly at the comment. "Are you saying that our sex life is the only thing stopping me from blowing up the city?"

The henchman grinned back at them.

"Yes," they said, nudging the villain's legs wider.

"...Huh."

The villain thought about that for all of a second until they felt the henchman undoing their belt, hands quickly stripping them of the few layers of fabric that lay between them.

They were probably right - the villain likely would have burnt this place to the ground by now. Fortunately for the city, the majority of their scarce freetime was spent on their knees, at their henchman's disposal, and not alone in their office plotting mass destruction.