#you're not incomplete but you still hold half of each other

[zillychu]

woke up from a dead sleep last night realizing I could make soroku flavored pitch pearl and no one could stop me

edit: you know what? I'm feral and I won't apologize. more under the cut bc this is my house

I slammed this out all at once so I apologize for the quality but I'm having EMOTIONS

so imagine. bc of the way Danny was quickly resuscitated, his ghost only barely started forming. With the excess blast of ectoplasm from the portal being created, that little whisp was given form even after Danny's soul returned to his body.

except this ghost (Phantom) slowly comes into consciousness while trapped in Danny's body. they're separate entities sharing one body, but Phantom doesn't really have a sense of self right away. he pieces together vague fragments of Danny's memory to get a basic understanding of the world, and is mostly just observing like a backseat passenger.

Phantom starts reflexively protecting Danny, his powers and instincts bleeding through when his emotions are high. Danny doesn't really transform, and his personality doesn't totally shift that much at first because Phantom’s mind isn't complex yet. but as time goes on, and Danny has tense conversations with ghosts, Phantom realizes that's what he is. he's a ghost, somehow trapped in his old body. and even now, this early on, he already feels separate. he doesn't have all the memories Danny has.

this slowly turns into horror. into rage. sorrow, mourning a life he never got and will never get to have. forever trapped behind the eyes of someone else, never able to interact with the world. Phantom's rage eventually boils over until it allows him short bursts of taking over Danny's body. it starts out small–a stray hand moving without his consent, knees locking up, ghost abilities going awry. Danny can start feeling emotions that don't belong to him. get vague impressions, almost hears a voice inside him.

and eventually, Phantom is able to fully take over. this is when Danny “transforms". at first, Danny blacks out because his consciousness isn't used to being shoved into the back seat. but eventually, he's awake for these “episodes", trapped in the back of his mind while Phantom controls his body. this only happens when ghost stuff is happening, when Phantom feels threatened enough. he's not protecting Danny, he's protecting himself. Phantom knows instinctively that if Danny dies, he dies too. he's not a normal ghost, he wouldn't be freed. he'd simply disappear.

at one point after a fight, Phantom can feel Danny struggling to take back control. and he talks to Danny for the first time, acknowledges he's there. asks how it's fair that Danny is the one that gets to exist. but Phantom is tired and weak, he slips back into the passenger seat.

over the next few days, he's able to start talking to Danny even while he's not driving. though he's not chatty, it's only when necessary. and Danny knows, can feel it across the link between them–Phantom hates him. the ghost he created is desperate to find a way to take over completely. and as time goes on, Danny realizes with horror that it might actually be possible for Phantom to do that. he grows stronger every day, can stay transformed longer, controls Danny's body with much more ease.

it's only through a chance meeting with Frostbite that Danny and Phantom fully learn what happened to them. Danny feels sympathetic towards Phantom now. this isn't a malevolent ghost, it's a person who was never given the chance to live. who's trapped. who has to watch someone else live a life they're just as deserving of.

and Phantom feels that emotion from Danny. is so shocked by it, he doesn't know how to handle it at first. it takes him a while to contemplate, to talk to other ghosts like Frostbite. until one day, Phantom realizes… he feels sympathy for Danny, too.

neither of them asked for this. both of them deserve to live. Danny didn't do anything wrong. they're both villains to each other's story. and if anything… doesn't Phantom owe his life to Danny in the first place?

Phantom takes over less often. Danny doesn't feel hatred from him anymore. anger, yes–but not aimed at him. in fact, Phantom starts controlling their body in little ways in order to protect Danny from things that aren't even dangerous. just to avoid pain that would only affect the human tethered to him.

it isn't long before they're separated, either thanks to another ghost or Danny's parents. they're thrown apart in the middle of a horrific fight, and when Danny sees Phantom's equally shocked expression, he's terrified.

this ghost that hated him for so long–at best, Phantom would leave him defenseless. at worst, surely some part of Phantom still wants to kill him for stealing away his chance for autonomy.

and yet, when fire rains down on them, Phantom risks it all to grab Danny and get them both to safety. they're still both shaken and stunned this is even happening, but Phantom is able to nervously be like shit shit shit okay stay here don't go anywhere or I can't protect you, okay?

after the fight is over and dust settles, Phantom offers Danny his hand. they stare at each other and god if this isn't the weirdest thing. like, uh, okay, what now? they decide to go see Frostbite, who confirms that they're fully separate now. they ask if there's any chance of merging again and Frostbite assures it's impossible.

Phantom asks, even if I overshadowed Danny? or stay real close? yes, it's nothing to worry about. they leave, and back in the quiet of Danny's room, they talk. Phantom isn't sure what to do. now that opportunity is in front of him, he feels paralyzed. Danny does his best to let Phantom know that… they might be separate now, but if he ever wants help or even just a friendly ear, he's here for him.

Phantom is quiet for a while. then says maybe he just needs to rest first. he'll think about it tomorrow. they're both exhausted and injured. Phantom asks quietly… if he could rest in Danny for the night.

Danny's shocked, and–really confused. Phantom blushes and is like I don't know what my haunt is yet, I don't know where to go, but I know… you're kind of my home. now that I know I can leave whenever I want, it's not something bad anymore. I miss feeling your heart next to my core, just a little bit.

and Danny is just as surprised when Phantom overshadows him, then quietly nestles into the passenger seat again. he didn't realize how he got used to feeling Phantom with him. it's a feedback loop of contentedness, and Danny sleeps easily. (they also find out while sharing a body, Danny gets to reap the benefits of Phantom's supernatural healing)

anyway that's all I got for now thank u for coming to my ted talk

[justallmyfantasies]

been on tour for too long

the only thing keeping you sane whilst he was gone was his music.

contains: 18+ smut. (unprotected piv, oral (f receiving) praise, teasing. i think that’s all)

word count: 4.4k

MINORS DONT INTERACT

the room felt dark with only the sounds of music coming from the record player in the corner of the room. it was placed on a dark wood table with records in the storage underneath. you were playing one of his records, the one he’d recently published. you missed his voice, his face and everything of him.

alex had been on tour for months, not seeing you at all. you both came to the agreement that you had to focus on your work instead of going out, flying to each venue to watch him play. you hated it, he hated it. it wasn’t ideal, although you had called him each night without fail. it still wasn’t enough. you wanted him back in your arms.

you fidgeted with a lock of hair that was in your hand, braiding it slightly then undoing it. the sound of a new song playing entered your ear.

just as the music started playing, a soft knock could be heard at the front door. it was late, a bit too late for visitors. curious, you stopped braiding your hair, the braid just hanging in your hand as the knock rang again, a little louder this time, yet still soft. it was hesitant somehow.

after debating in your mind for a few moments whether to answer or ignore it, you decided to check who it was. placing the incomplete braid somewhere to one side, you stood up and walked to the front door. it was quiet in the hallway, only the soft music that filled the room still being heard. the knock rang again. louder this time.

as you approached the door, you could feel your heart starting to beat faster. you weren't sure why, it was probably just a neighbor or someone asking for something. you weren't in danger - at least that's what you told yourself. taking a deep breath, you reached out, grasping the cold doorknob and twisting it. slowly, the door opened, its hinges releasing a creak.

as the door opened, a small gust of wind brushed past you, causing a shiver to run down your spine. however, that wasn't what caught your attention. your eyes widened as they fell on what was visible through the half-opened door. there was someone standing there, a familiar face that you hadn't seen in months.

it was alex. he was leaning against the doorframe, one hand holding onto his luggage, the other resting in his pocket. his head was tilted, a subtle smile playing on his lips as he looked at you. he looked tired, bags underneath his eyes, but still handsome as ever.

at that moment, all your worries and the ache inside you seemed to disappear in the blink of an eye. seeing him there, standing in front of you after so many months felt surreal. you couldn't help but smile widely, your heart fluttering in your chest.

his smile widened as he saw your reaction, his eyes filled with a mix of exhaustion and adoration. taking a step closer, he spoke, his voice gentle yet rough from the travel. "did you miss me, doll?"

a rush of emotions coursed through you. hearing his voice again, that pet name, the nickname that only he could call you, it was almost overwhelming. "missed you?" you repeated, closing the distance between you both. "i've been going crazy without you, baby."

his arms encircled you in a tight embrace, pulling you close to his chest. he buried his face in the crook of your neck, taking a deep breath as he held you. "i know, i know..." he murmured against your skin. "it's been tough on me too, love."

his words were like a soothing balm to your soul. just being in his arms felt like coming home. you clung to him, relishing the feel of his body against yours, the feel of his heartbeat against your chest. you inhaled deeply, taking in his scent - a familiar mix of cologne and sweat. "you're back early," you mumbled into his shoulder. "not that i'm complaining."

he pulled back slightly, just enough to look at you. his eyes roamed over your features as if he was trying to memorize every inch of your face. "yeah, the manager moved some things around," he said, his hand coming up to brush a strand of hair from your face. "wanted to surprise you."

your heart fluttered at his words. he had come back early just to surprise you. you smiled, eyes tracing the sharp features of his face. "what’s going on with the beard, hm?" you teased lightly.

he chuckled, the sound rumbling in his chest. "ah," he replied, using his free hand to scratch at the scruff on his jaw. "thought i’d try something new. you don’t like it?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at you, a hint of amusement in his eyes.

you reached out, running your fingers over the rough texture of his unshaven chin. the new look suited him, made him appear more rugged and mature. "i didn’t say that," you said, feigning nonchalance. "just takes some getting used to, that's all." you then ushered him inside.

he chuckled again, the corners of his eyes crinkling. he stepped inside, closing the door behind him as you led him into the living room. he dropped his luggage by the door as he followed you, his gaze shifting around the room, falling upon the record player.

"you’ve been listening to my record," he observed, a hint of pride in his voice. he walked over to the record player, picking up the cover of the vinyl that was playing. he looked at it for a moment before glancing back at you.

you shrugged. "had to, didn’t i?" you replied, a smile playing on your lips. you loved listening to his music – the lyrics that he had penned, the emotions that he poured into each song. it was comforting, like having a piece of him with you at all times.

“anyway, do you want anything to eat?”

he set the vinyl back down, turning to face you. "no, I’m okay," he said, his gaze locking onto yours.

“anything to drink?” you asked, once more.

he shook his head again. "i’m fine, love." he assured, the exhaustion in his eyes replaced by a different kind of heat. he slowly stalked closer to you, his steps measured and purposeful.

you stared at him. “well, we can always just go to bed. you look tired.”

he reached out, cupping your cheeks between his hands. his thumbs gently traced your jawline. "i am tired," he admitted, leaning down closer. "but i’m not that tired." his voice had dropped to a lower register, that familiar huskiness that sent a shiver down your spine.

“right but-“

he didn’t let you finish, his lips coming down to capture yours in a deep kiss. his mouth moved against yours with a feverish intensity, his tongue seeking entry, his hands moving down to your hips, pulling you flush against his body.

the kiss was a storm, wild and passionate. his hands roamed over your body, touching you as if he was starved for contact. a low groan rose from his throat, reverberating against your lips. he was hungry, desperate, and you could feel the pent-up desire in his every touch.

you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. your fingers tangled in his hair, the once-neat strands now disheveled from travel and your eager touch. the kiss swallowed any protests you might have had earlier, replacing your thoughts with the sheer need for him.

he broke the kiss, his lips moving down your jawline, tracing a path to your neck. his breath was hot against your skin, his kisses becoming rougher, more possessive, as he found that sensitive spot near your collarbone that always sent electricity coursing through you.

you giggled a bit. “alex!” the feeling of harshness coming from his beard scraping across your face made it tickle. “that tickles.”

he pulled back slightly, a cocky smile on his face. "does it?" he asked, his lips curving into a smirk. he then proceeded to bury his face in the crook of your neck again, his beard deliberately rubbing against your skin, causing another bout of giggles to escape your lips.

he continued his assault, the rough bristles of his new beard creating a new kind of sensation as he nipped and kissed your skin. his hands traveled down again, palming your ass, pulling you even closer, his body pressed fully against yours.

“you’re evil,” you manage to say, the words coming out as a gasp between giggles. he had moved to that spot behind your ear, his lips and facial hair creating a maddening mixture of ticklish and pleasurable sensations. you couldn’t help but arch into his touch, heat pooling in your core.

he chuckled against your skin, a low, throaty chuckle that sent vibrations through your body. "i’m evil, hm?" he repeated, his mouth moving back to yours, capturing your lips in a hot, open-mouthed kiss. his hands squeezed your ass, pulling you even closer to him, grinding his hips against yours, showing you just how much he wanted you.

he tasted like whiskey and something distinctly him, and you responded in kind, your body molding against his. your fingers dug into his shoulders, wanting desperately to get closer, to feel more of him, all of him after being apart for so long. the kiss was frenzied, fueled by months of separation and pent-up longing.

he finally pulled back, breaking the kiss with a gasp, his eyes darkened with obvious lust. his hands were still clutching onto you, keeping you close like he was afraid you’d disappear if he let go. he panted slightly, his breath hot against your skin. “bedroom.” he said, his voice a low rumble filled with desire.

you nodded, not trusting yourself to speak. the heat of his gaze, the desire in his voice had robbed you of the ability to form a coherent response. without a word, you grabbed his hand and led him towards the bedroom.

as you led him down the hallway, he laced his fingers with yours, his grip firm. you could feel his eyes on your back – his gaze like a physical weight, a reminder of the heat he had ignited within you. the walk to the bedroom felt like an eternity, each step heightening the anticipation building inside you.

by the time you reached the bedroom, your heart was pounding in your chest, your breathing coming out in shallow gasps. he followed you into the room, shutting the door behind him. the click of the latch was the only sound in the room, except for the soft whirring of the ceiling fan and the faint sound of his ragged breathing.

he stepped up behind you, his chest against your back, his hands sliding around your waist, pulling you against him once more. his lips found your ear, and he whispered, his voice a rough, urgent plea. "i need you, doll. i need you so badly."

the words, coupled with the possessive way his body was pressed against yours, sent a shiver down your spine, heat pooling in your core. you leaned into him, tilting your head to grant him better access to your neck. "i’m right here." you managed to say, your voice betraying your own desire.

he took the invitation, his lips finding your neck again, his tongue tracing a path up to your ear. his hands moved under your shirt, his fingers roaming over your skin, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. "you don’t know," he murmured, his voice low and gruff, "how many times i thought about this, how many nights i spent alone in a cold hotel bed."

his words were like fuel to the fire that was burning inside you. you arched into him, your body responding to the touch and the proximity of his body against yours. his hands moved up, finding the edge of your bra, and you could hear his breath hitch as his fingers grazed the lace.

he tugged at the fabric, a wordless request, and you obliged, allowing him to pull off your shirt and bra in one swift movement. he tossed them aside, his eyes raking over your exposed flesh. "god, i missed you so much.” he said, his voice thick with longing and need.

his hands returned to your body, his touch more urgent, more desperate. he span you around to face him, his eyes burning into yours as he pushed you backwards until your legs hit the bed. his hands were on your hips, holding you steady as he lowered you onto the mattress.

he followed you down, his body covering yours, his weight pressing you into the sheets. he captured your lips once more, his kisses hungry and demanding. his hands roamed all over your body, relearning every contour, every contour of your skin, as if he wanted to commit it to memory.

his beard grazed your skin, creating a new kind of friction as he nipped and sucked at your neck. his mouth traveled down, leaving a trail of wet kisses along your collarbone, your chest, his destination clear.

his hands found the waistband of your pants, tugging at the fabric. you lifted your hips, allowing him to pull them down and discard them somewhere on the floor. he settled back down between your legs, his body pressed flush against yours. you could feel how much he wanted you, how much he needed you, and the fact only served to heighten your own desire.

he continued his journey south, his mouth hot against your skin, his tongue tracing a path down your stomach, pausing here and there to leave a mark, as if marking you as his own. his hands, meanwhile, continued their exploration, mapping out every inch of you, making you shiver under his touch.

his hands were on your inner thighs now, pushing them apart, making room for him. he paused for a moment, his eyes finding yours, dark with lust, almost feral. "i need to taste you," he growled, his voice ragged. "oh fuck."

his words, the heat in his gaze, sent a fresh wave of desire through you. a moan escaped your lips, your body arching in anticipation. you were his, completely, willingly, and you let him know it. "please," you gasped, your own voice shaking with need, "please, alex."

he didn't need any further encouragement. his mouth was on you, tasting you, savoring you, as his tongue flicked over the sensitive bundle of nerves, you cried out, your hands gripping the sheets as pleasure shot through you like electricity. his hands were on your thighs, keeping them apart, his mouth working relentlessly.

"alex," you gasped, your body arching involuntarily as you tried to get closer yet away from the intense sensations he was causing. it was too much, yet not enough all at once. "alex, i can't- i-"

he seemed to understand. he pulled back slightly, his hands still holding your thighs in a firm grip, anchoring you to the bed. he looked up at you, his eyes meeting yours, his beard glistening with your essence. "you okay, baby?”

you nodded, managing a shaky exhale of air. "i just... it's just... a lot," you managed to say, your voice wavering. "in a good way," you added, quickly, not wanting him to stop.

he smiled, the sight of you, a trembling mess underneath him, giving him a boost of confidence. "it’s okay" he said, there was a hint of tenderness in his tone as well. "are you okay to continue?"

you swallowed, nodded again, unable to form coherent words. "yes," you whispered, your voice barely more than a gasp "yes, please. need you more than ever."

he chuckled softly, the sound sending a vibration through you, and then he was back at your core, his mouth working with renewed fervor. the moans and gasps falling from your lips became more frequent, more desperate. your hands found their way into his hair, fingernails scraping against his scalp, trying to pull him closer.

the combination of his mouth on you, his beard against your thighs, was driving you insane. you were close, so close. it was as if all sense of time, space, everything that didn’t involve him and what he was doing to you, didn’t exist. "fuck, alex." you said, your voice urgent, "alex, i’m gonna.."

his name was a desperate plea on your lips. you were hovering on the edge, just a few more seconds, a little more pressure, and you would fall over completely. "please," you begged, your words a mixture of need and desperation. you were so close, right on the brink.

he seemed to sense that you were about to fall over the edge. he redoubled his efforts, his tongue moving with a purpose, his hands gripping your thighs, holding you steady. the sound of your ragged breathing, the gasps and moans, the way you were writhing under his touch, was like music to his ears.

and then you were spiraling, tumbling over the edge into ecstasy. your body convulsed as pleasure washed over you in waves, your hands clenching in his hair, your back arching off the bed. he stayed where he was, tasting every bit of you, prolonging your orgasm until you were trembling, completely spent. slowly, he pulled back, his eyes meeting yours, the smirk on his face showing pride.

your breathing was heavy, your body boneless and spent. you looked at him, his face shiny with your essence, his eyes darkened with a mixture of lust and tenderness. it was too much, and yet not enough. you wanted more, needed more of him. "alex," you said, your voice hoarse, “i need more of you, please...”

he didn’t need any more prompting. he moved up your body, his hands on either side of your head, caging you in. his lips found yours, kissing you deeply, passionately, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. his hand suddenly moved, falling to his pants to unbuckle the belt, letting it fall to the floor. his pants falling after.

he was above you now, the only barrier between you a thin layer of fabric. he was hard, his need for you painfully apparent, and you knew he needed release as much as you did. your hands came up to touch him, running over his length through the thin fabric of boxer shorts.

"ah fuck, baby." he groaned, his voice gravelly as he broke the kiss. he was panting, his body trembling with restraint. "i’m not gonna be..” he didn’t finish the sentence, instead letting out a guttural moan as your hand squeezed him.

you could sense his need, his desperation for release, and you wanted to give it to him. you tugged at the waistband of his boxer shorts, wordlessly telling him to remove them. he let out a shaky breath but obliged your silent request, pulling them down and discarding them somewhere on the floor.

he was bare now, his body pressed against yours, nothing separating you. his erection was hot and hard against your thigh, the feel of it making you shiver. he was looking into your eyes, his expression a mix of desire and vulnerability. "oh fuck," he said again, his voice a ragged plea.

the plea in his voice, the way he was looking at you, it was your undoing. you shifted, parting your legs to allow him access. your hands went to his shoulders, your nails digging into his skin. “please,” you echoed, your voice shaky and urgent, “please, i need you inside.”

he didn’t need to be told twice. he shifted, aligning his body with yours, his eyes never leaving yours. his hips moved slightly, the tip brushed against your entrance, and you both gasped at the contact. he paused, his breathing labored, his eyes searching your face, seeking reassurance.

he pushed inside you, his hips snapping forward with an urgency that mirrored your own need. you cried out, your body arching to meet his, your hands clutching at his shoulders as if anchoring you to reality. he was bigger than you remembered, filling you completely, and it was almost too much but not enough.

he began to move, a slow, steady rhythm that felt like both a torment and a blessing. his arms bracketed your head, his body pressing into yours with each thrust. you were both gasping, your breaths coming out in ragged pants, your bodies slick with sweat, the room filled with the sound of skin on skin. "fuck, you’re doing so good." he groaned, his voice thick with lust and need.

"i've missed this, missed you. you feel so good..." his words were punctuated with harder thrusts, his pace picking up slightly, driving you both closer to the edge. your hands were everywhere, running over his back, through his hair, clawing at his arms, desperate for something to hold onto, to tether you to this moment.

his mouth found yours again, kissing you passionately, his tongue mimicking the motion of his hips. it was all you could do to hold on, to keep up with him, to not get lost in the sea of sensations that was building up inside you.

he was everywhere, surrounding you, filling you, overtaking you. his scent, his touch, the sound of his heavy breathing in your ear, it was all too much, and yet not enough. you wanted more, needed more. you found yourself meeting his every thrust, your body arching off the bed to get deeper, closer, impossibly close.

his hands were on your hips, holding you in place, his grip tight and almost bruising. your name was a repeated mantra on his lips, his voice ragged, filled with need and desire. "baby," he groaned, his pace becoming faster, more urgent, "i’m close, so fuckin’ close, i need-" he didn’t finish the sentence, his words lost in a low moan that rumbled in his chest.

one hand moved, his thumb finding your clit, applying just enough pressure to send you spiralling. you cried out, your body arching, your nails digging into his skin as pleasure overtook you. it was too much, too intense, the edge of pain and pleasure blurring together until you were unsure of where one began and the other ended.

he continued to move, his body shuddering against yours, his own release imminent. he was muttering something, words you couldn't quite make out, interspersed with broken phrases and gasps. his name was on your lips too, your voice a mixture of pleas and words you wouldn't remember he thrust once more, then twice, and then he was following you over the edge.

his body tensed, his movements becoming erratic, his head buried in the crook of your neck as he came, his breath hot and shaky against your skin. he trembled, his body shuddering with aftershocks of pleasure, his arms holding you tight against him, as if he never wanted to let you go.

for a moment, there was only silence, broken by your shuddering breaths. his body was heavy on yours, but you didn’t mind, relishing the feeling of him so close, skin against skin. he shifted slightly, moving to lie beside you rather than on top of you. he pulled you into his side, his arms wrapping around you in a possessive gesture.

you snuggled against him, tangling your legs with his, your body molding against his. you felt spent, blissfully exhausted, your body heavy and sated. you could hear his heartbeat, steady and strong under your ear. his hand was drawing lazy patterns on your back, both soothing and arousing at once.

"i’ve missed this." you managed, your voice barely above a whisper, he hummed in agreement, the sound more of a growl than anything. he nuzzled his face into your hair, inhaling deeply, as if savoring the scent of your shampoo.

"i think," he said, his voice still slightly ragged, "it's been too long since we last did that."

"yeah," you said, your voice slightly hoarse, "way too long." you laid there in silence for a few minutes, simply enjoying the closeness, the comfort of his body against yours. the room was still warm, the air thick with the scent of sex and sweat.

he was the first to break the silence, his fingers tracing a path down your spine, causing your skin to prickle in response. "you know," he said, his voice a little more steady now, "i missed you a lot while i was gone."

you hummed, lifting your head to look at him. his eyes were still a little hazy, his hair disheveled. he looked so handsome, so vulnerable, it made your chest ache. "i missed you too," you said softly, your hand coming up to trace his jaw.

he caught your hand in his, bringing it to his lips to leave a soft kiss on your knuckles. "i know i don’t say it often,” he said, his voice serious but gentle, “but i love you. more than you could ever know."

you smiled, feeling that now familiar flutter in your heart. "i know," you said, your voice mirroring his seriousness. "i love you too. always."

you leaned in, pressing a kiss to his chest, right above his heart. he groaned softly, his hand coming up to cup the back of your head, keeping you close.

you laid there together, listening to the sound of each other's breathing, the rhythm grounding and soothing. his fingers continued to draw patterns on your skin, lazy and absentminded, as if he couldn't bring himself to stop touching you.

your eyelids were heavy, your body relaxing more and more with every moment. the events of the night, the exhaustion, were catching up to you. you cuddled closer to him, your head tucked under his chin, your body enveloped by his warmth.

he seemed to sense that you were drifting off, his arm tightening slightly around you. "go to sleep, baby," he murmured, his voice soft. "i’ll still be here when you wake up."

you hummed sleepily, not even able to form words. the last thing you remember was the press of his lips against your forehead, and the sound of his murmured endearments as you drifted into sleep.

a/n: i lowkey love this. enjoy it as much as i did writing it

[formulaforza]

masterlist

multi-part works

miss americana & the heartbreak prince [in progress]

seasons of love [completed]

bite-sized fics

one-shots

said something stupid, instead of 'i love you' (cl16)

"When you were young, your mother once told you she thought you and Charles were each one half of a puzzle--incomplete without the other. You’re lucky to have him, she told you, people spend their whole lives looking for the other half of their puzzle."

this one and the next (cl16)

"You see him for the first time at a café. You’re sixteen and don’t even like coffee, but your best friend is dragging you in. He’s working behind the counter, flustered and busy, running around mixing drinks and taking orders. "Que voulez-vous commander madame?” He asked your friend, and she ordered. “Et vous?” I don’t drink coffee, you told him. He smiled, goofy, something familiar in his eyes. You noted his nametag, carefully drawn on with a chalk marker. Charles."

you gotta move, or move on (cl16)

"I feel like I barely know you anymore, you said once, on the phone, in the middle of the night because it was the only time you got calls from him anymore. He’s in America, racing with Sauber now and you haven’t been to a single race outside of Monaco." 

oh, simple thing (cs55)

"“It’s dead,” you said, took it from him and tossed it aside. “It’s not nice to pick flowers, Carlito. It kills them.” He burst into tears and your mother scolded you the rest of the way home, even though it was her who always told you to leave the wildflowers wild. After some time and consideration (a plate of dinosaur nuggets, half of Cinderella, and a bedtime story) you’d decided maybe Carlos was right to cry about the dead flower."

blonde hair, lemonade tea (mv33)

"Max has been working in the nursery since the two of you got home from Abu Dhabi. He won’t let you anywhere near it, and makes you wear a mask when you even walk down the hall past the freshly painted bedroom. Each night you think he couldn’t become more protective over you, and each morning you’re surprised to find that somehow, he is." 

strawberry wine (dr3)

part two: everywhere, everything

"Danny also moves around the place like he owns it, which, if it was up to him he probably would. He hums your name as he moves past, taps the opposite shoulder to the one he leans over, reading your textbook over your shoulder. “It’s seventeen,” he quips."

you can take it off (lh44)

"And then there was Lewis, the last to arrive, who never called you kid, who never viewed you as one. He sits adjacent you in the red, high back leather booth and takes up a seat and a half, the toe of his shoe brushing against the side of yours, flashing you apologetic puppy dog eyes every time he bumps against yours." 

if walls could talk (cl16)

"He drags you into the living room, towards the rest of the evening festivities, with his arm tossed over your shoulder. Between that, and the whole let me get your eyelash thing minutes earlier, you’re as close to certain a person can get that he and his girlfriend are still broken up."

caught in a blue (cl16)

"You take a seat on your porch steps. Voices pour out louder, now. They’ve gotten rowdier with every lap you’ve done. A cousin pulls the old squeaky door open behind you, and you jump in your seat, turning around to see who’s busted you. They hold their hands up defensively, mouth a quick sorry like they’d walked in on you changing, and disappear back into the house. You pull your braid over your shoulder, twirl it around your finger carefully. Nervously, you ask: “Do you think we speak too often?”"

blurbs

love letter (cl16) cupcakes (ms47) snowflakes (cs55) carousel (cs55) rainy days (cl16) puppy (ms47) daddy-daughter dance (dr3) furniture (cl16) diamond ring (cl16) lunch date (ms47) it will come back (cl16) coming home (cs55) the nearness of you (cl16) jupiter (mv33) when you're ready (cs55) nowhere in particular (ls18)

social media aus

curveball (cl16) birthday (cl16) vlog (ms47) a bet is a bet (cl16) jpg (dr3) take me down (cs55) summer lovin' (cs55) in the club (aa23)

head-cannons

max and dating lewis and yearning

copyright © 2023 formulaforza and absolutelynotmate-archive all right reserved. do not under any circumstance plagarize, edit, repurpose, or repost any of my original work. this includes fics, blurbs, aus, headcannons, and edits.

[shhh-secret-time]

We're back with another Soulmate AU request AND another request from AO3, they're so rare these days! I wanted to do something special for Craig, I kind of feel like he'd be a fuck destiny kinda guy. Anyway y'all know the drill.

Warning: Hot Pokemon takes, Strong-Language, Clyde being a dork again

Pairing: Craig x GN!Reader

Crack

"Hm.."

Snap

"Dude. Stop."

Pop

"Dude! Stop!"

Clyde's voice pulls Craig's gaze over, the bored expression on his face would normally make anyone flinch back but Clyde's used to the look. Years of friendship with the stoic man will desensitize anyone to that kind of look. Craig swears it's just because Clyde's an idiot, no one else in South Park takes that kind of tone with him.

"You sound like a glow-stick over there! I swear you've already popped all those fingers a minute ago, are you on your knuckles now or something?" Clyde puts his DS down on his lap with a grumble.

He's slouched so far down on Craig's couch it looks like he's melting into it, the lower half of his body is barely on the couch at all. He's all but holding himself up with his legs while his back rests on the firm cushions beneath him. He looked like a slinky being tossed down the stairs, but if it got stuck going down a step.

"You're in my house." Craig responded so matter of fact.

Then he finished cracking the hand he was in the middle of working on. He presses his thumb against each finger on his hand. Once each little finger makes that satisfying sound, he wraps his hand around the other and squeezes. His thumb and index finger settle just below the knuckles, feeling the muscles and bone shift under his grip a shiver runs down his spine.

"Gaaaaaah! That doesn't hurt you? You're gonna fuck up your hands man." Clyde physically squirms at the sound, twisting and rolling back and forth as if he's trying to escape the sound.

"No. I like it." Craig picks his DS up from his lap and continues playing on the little handheld device.

"Alright but when you have old grandpa hands at the age of twenty-five don't come crying to me. Spongebob broken finger head-ass." Clyde smirks, returning to the game with his friend.

Craig side eyes him, shooting a small glare his direction but it goes unnoticed. Once again, Clyde is lucky he's one of his best friends. Being stupid makes you brave apparently.

The two fall into a comfortable silence, the music from Clyde's DS playing loudly while Craig's is shut off. The sound of both games going on at once drove Craig mad. If the music didn't line up it felt like someone jabbing him in the head. So, he settled for listening to Clyde's, he knew the brown-haired man liked the Pokemon sound track anyway. A small tradition they started in middle school that's held up. Playing Pokemon next to each other on the weekends, if one got Green the other got Red. If one got Sapphire, the other got Ruby. Right now, Craig has Diamond, and he has Pearl.

Craig was no means a perfectionist, but something about the incomplete Pokedex drove him mad. He hated looking at the black silhouette of a Pokemon uncaught, the taunting ??? made him want to spike the thing into the ground. They would spend hours next to one another talking about their teams, racing to see who could beat the Elite Four before the other, making fun of each other's favorite Pokemon. Craig long since beat the game and was just waiting on Clyde to catch up, he was still waiting on Clyde to catch his Slowpoke like he promised him forever ago.

Clyde was a Slowpoke.

He chuckles at the thought making Clyde look up at him with his brow raised but he chooses not to say anything. After a while Craig closes his DS and chooses to watch Clyde walk around the tall grass.

"You're using the Scyther I traded you?" he asks, resting his cheek on top of Clyde's head. Holding himself up right now sounded exhausting, Clyde made the perfect head rest. Even if he wasn't slumped down on the couch, their height difference allowed for it. To be fair Craig's height difference allowed him to do this to just about anyone. The only person he couldn't comfortably do this too would be Broflovski.

"Yeah! He’s my favorite! He's a handsome devil, reminds me of myself!" Clyde tucks his chin in between his index finger and his thumb, the smug smirk on his lips makes his face look stupid.

"Do you wanna evolve him? You can trade him over and we can turn him into a Scizor."

"Nah, then I'll lose all the affection I've been building him with! Look I've got two little hearts by his head! He loves me man!"

"You can build it back."

"Maybe you can toss away your Pokemon’s affection, but not me Tucker! He doesn't need to change! He's perfect the way he is!" Clyde exclaims as he throws his hand in the air.

Craig's about to respond but stops when Clyde encounters another Pokemon, a Pachirisu nothing out of the normal. But what was out of the normal was the stripe on its tail wasn't the typical baby blue, it was a bright pink. Craig's eyes widen as the sparkles swirl around the little animated creature.

And typical Clyde just button mashes through the whole thing, he's not paying attention to the DS, going on about his love for his Scyther. His thumb moves over the attack button and Craig wants to grab his hand to stop him. But once again he's not fast enough, and the low leveled thing is easily defeated by his level sixty something Pokemon.

"Um dude...you know I love hugs and all, but I thought you hated them?" Clyde's voice is muffled under Craig. Craig has him pinned under him against the couch, chest pressed into his side, arm outstretched to grab the DS.

"Dude! That was a shiny! You could have caught that!" Craig's exclaims shaking the man under him.

"What?! Oh man! I didn't know!"

"How the fuck didn't you know?! It sparkled! It's fucking pink!"

"Uh...was it?"

"What?" Craig stops shaking him at that, tightened fists around his collar loosen only slightly.

"I didn't know, you know I'm color-blind right?" Clyde takes the opportunity to sit up, he chuckles at Craig's expression.

Although rare, it's not unheard of. Craig isn't a robot, or a man born without emotions, he just has a hard time expressing them sometimes. Clyde knows that, but it's still funny every time he sees that crack in Craig's usual stoic nature. Even more so that it was over a stupid video game and Clyde's inability to see color.

So instead of responding to him Craig shakes his head and furrows his brows, confusion written clear on his face.

"Yeah man," Clyde takes a breath in between cackling. "I'm completely color blind, lost it when we were in high school. It's my soulmate thing. I see in black and white now." He waves his hand over his face with a dorky grin.

He doesn't respond at first, taking a moment to take in what his best friend was saying. "I just thought you dressed like that on purpose."

"Come on dude! Would it kill you to say something nice to me?! Just oNCE!?" Clyde smacks him with the cushion tucked behind him which Craig uses to beat him back.

After a brutal beat down using a couch cushion, Craig pulls back the weapon and looks down at the defeated pile of Donovan further pressed into his couch. He sits back with his leg pulled up towards his chest, arm thrown lazily across his knee.

"So, you can't see color because you haven't met your soulmate? That sounds rough."

"Yeah, it kinda sucks, it's gonna sound gay but I miss seeing things like the sunset and movies are kinda lame now. I still wear this jacket because at least I know it's red." Clyde collects himself and tries to fix his hair that's been flattened down.

"Hm." A low grunt and Craigs on his feet.

To anyone else it would be the end of the conversation, it would be their que to move on and talk about something else. But Clyde isn't just anyone. He's the guy who's been with Craig since they were kids, he knows that grunt. That shift in body language. Craig's uncomfortable but wants to say something.

"Come on Tucker Bear don't be like that, tell me what's going on." The nickname earns him a glare, but it stops the black haired man from going to the kitchen. He grins at him in return, telling Craig that he's getting what he wants.

"What have I told you about calling me that?"

"That you love it so much and you're so grateful that your best friend would give you the best nickname ever." The sentence is almost cut short from the way he scrambles back away from Craig, holding his hands up defensively. His voice is cracking from the way he tries to keep the giggle out of it.

Craig stops and sighs, his hands come up to the strings on the side of his hat. The frayed yellow rope splitting at the ends from how often he twists it between his fingertips. He does it when he needs to collect his thoughts, figure out a way to put them into words.

".... you didn't tell me you got your Soulmate thing." It finally comes out in a soft tone.

"Are you upset because I didn't tell you? I'm sorry man." Clyde's silly demeanor drops, quickly shifting to one that matches his friend’s tone. He stands up and follows him into the kitchen.

"No. I just..." A pause and he opens the fridge door. Scanning the inside for something to drink, his mouth is incredibly dry right now. "...didn't know. I thought you were like me."

"Like you?"

"Like...born without a mark or whatever."

"Oh."

That's all he can say, all that comes out of his mouth. Craig snaps the can of soda open and takes a sip and it feels like a rock settling in his stomach. His lips press together tasting the sugary drink on his lips. The rock in his stomach lurches up when he sees Clyde's eyes well up with tears, little beads of water spilling from his lids. For the second time that day, he makes Craig's eyes widen.

"Are you crying?"

He quickly goes to wipe the tears away from his brown eyes, the little orbs always looked like a baby cow's. Using the sleeves on his jacket, he sniffles and looks up at him. "It's just- you don't have a soulmate!"

"Yeah, I know."

"That's so sad dude!"

"I guess."

He sobs again, the tears spill faster and harder down his face. Craig sighs and gives into the over dramatic man an awkward pat on the back. The rest of the day was spent calming Clyde down and reassuring him that he wasn't actually angry at him for killing the shiny. They watch a few episodes of Red Racer where Craig describes the colors for him until he got tired of it.

All through the day the conversation gnawed at the back of his head. It followed him to bed and kept him from sleeping. Clyde refused to go home so he spent the night on the floor next to him. Didn't want to sleep on the couch but didn't want to sleep in the bed with him. Wanted to be near but not close enough to make Craig want to peel his skin off. He appreciated the idiot.

But it was that idiots fault he was thinking so hard on this. Why was he born without a soul-mate tic, or thing or whatever the fuck it was called. Were there others like him or was Craig Tucker really that just unlucky? Why did he care so much, he made it this far in life by himself. So why was it just now starting to eat at him?

With a huff he turned and rolled over towards the window next to his bed, staring up at the night sky. The moon was half full today, and it was cloudy out so he could barely see the stars. He was a grown man majoring in Astronomy, he didn't need a stupid mark to tell him where to go and who to be with. He could still see color fine. No flowers were blooming out of his face making his allergies act up.

No, it was just him. Just him and whatever was out there waiting for him. Right now, he really wanted it to be sleep.

Eventually he gave in to the tired behind his eyes, lids so heavy he couldn’t keep them open anymore but burned when he finally closed them. Clyde was gone the next morning when he finally woke up, he left him a text saying he was going to pick his sister up and do something with her.

It didn't matter he had class to get to anyway, the semester was in full swing, and he didn't have time to fall behind. As he gets ready, pulling his blue hat over his head and the matching NASA jacket over his shoulders, he peers down at his DS left on the side table. He picks it up and tucks it into the pockets of the jacket, in between classes he could wait in the lounge and play on it a little more. There wasn't much left to do but he could always grind his team to a hundred.

Once he feels ready, he steps out of his house and starts the walk to the bus stop. Ever since he moved out of his parents the walk to the college campus took a little longer than normal, so it was easier to just ride the bus there. He sticks his headphones in and settles in the worn-out seats of the dirty looking white bus. Somehow cleaner than the yellow ones from when he was still a teenager, but not by much. The music from his DS playing in his ears drowns out the sounds of people mumbling to themselves and whatever other weird thing South Park could throw at him.

It also drowns out your footsteps. Drowns out your question if the seat next to him was taken. So, it isn't until he feels you sitting next to him that he notices you're there. He side-eyes you for a moment, which you return with a little nod. A part of him is relieved when you don't immediately try to make small talk with him. Instead, you offer him a little smile and go back to the book in your hand. His amber eyes travel down to peek at what it is you're reading, and he's surprised when instead of a textbook he sees a comic.

Guardians of the Galaxy

From the angle you were holding it, he couldn't tell exactly what issue you were on, but the cover looked good. He cocks his head to the side a little to get a better look. Feeling his eyes on you, you look up at him and raise a brow. It takes a second, but you piece together what he's trying to do so you close the comic and show it off to him.

You're on an issue he's already read through. He removes the headphones from his ear.

"I didn't think anyone else read the Guardians series." Craig says, it's out of pocket for him to be the first to initiate but the thought of meeting someone who's a fan like him is actually exciting. It's enough to pull him out of his little mental funk.

"Yeah! I just started collecting these issues last week! Have you read this series?" You say with a smile that’s a little too bright for him.

He nods again at you, and that's where the conversation should have ended. You go back to your reading, and he goes back to his game. But it doesn't, you lean over and catch a glimpse at what he's playing. He watches the recognition sparkle up in your eyes.

"Oh, which one is that? Gen four, right?"

"Yeah. It's Diamond."

"Oh! Cool! I've got Platinum! I gotta default to the third one because I don't have friends who play the game!" You laugh at your own joke, eyes going from the DS to his.

Craig stares down at you for a while. He sets the DS in his lap and pushes the palm of his hand against his fingers. Hands popping and snapping again, the little tic making him relax. You don't comment like Clyde does, but you are still talking.

"Gen four has to be my favorite in the series! I just couldn't get into Black and White!" That makes him stop and look at you like you're crazy.

"That's the best one in the series though."

"That's what everyone tells me, but I hated the starters!"

Time slips past him, the way you pull him into the conversation so naturally. It isn't until the bus pulls up to the campus that he realizes he's been talking to you the entire time. You perk up when the bus lets out a sigh and a hiss, telling its passengers that they've reached their destination.

"Oh, this is my stop! Hey, it was awesome talking with you!" You grin and stand up, slinging your bag over your shoulder.

You give him a little finger salute and take off, you're so quick to scurry away he doesn't have time to tell you that this is his stop too. Of course he's never noticed you around campus before, Craig was never one to waste his energy on things that didn't require it. He had his select group of friends and was happy with that, but now here you were wedging your way into his mind. As he stands up to get off the bus, lazily throwing the headphones over his neck, it dawns on him that he didn't even catch your name.

Oh well, so much for that. Maybe he'd see you around.

The universe must have answered that for him because the next morning he sees you on the bus again. He watches as you push past the isle of seats and plop down next to him with another book in your hand. A different issue, a different conversation. There are days where you sit in silence doing your own thing. Then there are days where you talk his ear off and he just sits and listens, occasionally throwing in his thoughts on whatever you're talking about.

But he listens. That was new, normally he just tends to zone out if he doesn't care. Somehow you find a way to make him care, a way to make him invested in the conversation. He even goes out of his way to learn your name and what you're studying.

"Ah it's just general studies right now, a little bit of everything until I figure out what I wanna do. I wasn't even planning on going to college, it just kinda happened." You tell him leaning back in your seat.

"What, so you just woke up one day and decided that was it?" Craig scoffs a bit at the idea but the amused glint in his eyes doesn't go unnoticed by you.

"Heh. Well Mr. Space-boy not all of us know what we wanna do with life from the womb." You snicker at his reaction, tallying another eyeroll in your head.

"It's Space-Man. I'm Space-Man Craig." He corrects you before moving on, so you don't comment on the little pink hue on his face. "I get that but how do you go from I'm not going to college, to just doing it?"

You smile, it's different than the dorky one you usually shoot at him or the one when you tell a bad joke. It almost seems sad. He can't put his finger on it, but he doesn't need to wait long for you to roll up your sleeve. On your wrist is a font that looks almost like an alarm clock, the block black ink reads "0:00".

"Had this guy I was with. Was with him for six years, we were high-school sweethearts, prom date, whole nine yards. They were my soulmate, the little counter on my wrist told me that much." You take a deep breath, and he watches the way your fingers move across the skin.

He pops his fingers again, pushing them against each other.

"Well, about a year ago I realized...I kinda hated it? Hated the fact this stupid mark on my body got to dictate who I fell in love with? I mean we didn't even have anything in common, and while we never really argued we just had a different outlook on life. I think a part of me still loves him, but...I can't really love him in the way this thing wants me to." You emphasize that you're talking about the marking on your skin by holding it up.

Little rays of sunlight brush across your skin and Craig can't help but follow it. You had a soulmate, of course you did. He feels that rock in his stomach again, weighing heavier than it did last time. The week he got where he wasn't thinking about this whole thing was nice, but now that he's reminded his body tenses back up.

He cracks his fingers again, squeezing the side of the palm.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to trauma dump on you." He raises a brow at you silently asking you what you mean by that. "Call it a sixth sense, or the fact that you pop your fingers and do that little Hm when you're thinking about something. So, I figured you were annoyed by the random dump."

You were more attentive than he would have given you credit for. He hasn't known you that long and you're already picking up on things that took Clyde years to. Then again, Clyde and attentive don't really go hand in hand.

"No, it's not you. It's the..." He rolls his wrist a few times trying to find the words, fingers eventually find purchase on the strings of his hat dangling by his face. "Soul-mate thing. I don't have one."

"Ah yeah, I can see how that's a weird topic for you then! But hey that's kind of cool!" You beam up at him, the sunlight slips off your wrists and onto your lips.

Wait, what?

"You get to pick who you wanna love, that's awesome. That means the connection goes deeper! You gotta build something with someone, nothing telling you to just jump straight into a relationship! No pressure, just you and the other person!" Your eyes are like little stars as you speak. A tiny galaxy that he can't seem to pull himself out of.

Wait, what?

Like clockwork, the bus stops and you go to get up. Except this time Craig is fast enough, he takes your hand. His fingers slip into your palm and stop you from moving. Your finger salute falls back to your side. He just looks at you for a while, the only thing he can hear right now is the collection of people getting off the bus and his own heartbeat drumming in his chest.

"If you're not getting off, I need you to sit down please!" The bus driver makes you flinch and sit back down next to Craig.

"Sorry sir!" You call back.

When you look back at him with a confused look, he freezes again. His mouth hangs open for a second, only to close. He almost looks like a fish out of water from the way he's trying to collect his thoughts. Craig expects you to get back up and tell him goodbye. To run off the bus and never speak to him again.

Instead, you sit there, patiently waiting for him to collect himself. You wait there even when the door to the bus shuts and the engine kicks back on. You look at him with wonder and he has to avert his gaze from you. Pulling his hat over his eyes for a moment because he realizes he's still holding your hand and the heat coming up to his face is too much.

"I... I’m sorry. I just wanted to-" What did he want? His mind was drawing a blank, he was floating and the only teather was your hand in his.

He knew he wanted to keep holding your hand. He knows your touch doesn't bother him like it should. He wants to steal a few more moments with you because these bus rides aren't enough time. Something he's never felt before.

"You're good. Take your time." You can't know what that means to him to hear you say that. To not pull your hand away and call him a freak for just grabbing you like that. Instead, you turn your palm over and give his hand a squeeze back.

"I want to...do that." He says it. With his eyes covered so he's not blinded by that smile on your face. He can hear it in your voice, the way you chuckle.

"Do what?"

"You know what I'm trying to say."

"Maybe. You better say it just so I can be sure." You're teasing him now, leaning forward so you can get a peek at his blushing face.

Craig huffs again, frustration building up in his chest. He moves the hat from his face and stares you down like a showdown. His brows knitted together with newfound determination.

"I want to build a connection past this." There. It's out. Out in the open, out in the space between the both of you. Confession falls from his mouth in that monotone voice he's so famous for.

"Hell yeah. I'd like that Space-Man Craig." You laugh and it sounds so sweet.

He smiles down at you, and it feels like a gift. It's the first time you've seen him look at you like that. You make a silent promise to yourself that it will not be the last time you see it.

"So, any idea where the bus is going now?"

"No idea. Wanna get off at the next stop and walk to campus?"

"Nope! You stopped me from going to class so now you're taking me out. I want food!"

Craig scoffs at you and takes the headphones off his neck, he offers you the other bud. He sticks the one in his ear and pulls out his phone. His fingers slide across the screen going for the music app. He hands you the phone and gestures for you to pick something.

You excitedly take him up on the offer, sticking the bud in your ear. You begin going on about whatever album you’ve been listening to, and the whole ride he sits and listens to you. Nodding along so you know he’s listening, not that he really has to. You can tell from the way he looks at you that you have his undivided attention.

So wrapped up in the music and your voice he doesn’t even notice the font on your wrist change. It’s not that boring clock anymore, it shifts and swirls around. A moving tattoo that eventually turns into a painting melting down your arm. The deep darkness of space with a little astronaut sitting on the moon, just watching the sun.

[abitohoney]

Insatiable

CH5 - Craving You AO3 link

CH1 || CH2 || CH3 || CH4 || CH5 || CH6 || CH7

Vampire Sevika x female reader

Rating: Explicit, MDNI, NSFW

Story Tags: Vampire Sevika, Soft Sevika, liaison reader, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Grinding, Sexual Tension, Biting, Drinking, Smut, Clothed Sex, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Assault, Vaginal Fingering, Cunnilingus, Minor Character Death, Vampire Silco, vampire Ran, definitely took some creative liberties on vampire lore here, Menstrual Sex, Menstruation Kink, Strap-Ons, Overstimulation

Word Count: 3.8k

Story Summary: As the new liaison between Piltover and the Undercity, you've been guided by the enigmatic escort Ran to meet with their boss- and fearsome criminal kingpin- Silco, as well as his alluring right-hand woman Sevika. You're well aware that plenty of shady things take place in the depths below, but there's something particularly mysterious about these three that you can't quite put your finger on.

AN: This is already in process over on AO3.

When you awoke the following day, not only did you realize you hadn’t asked the questions you’d intended to- not to mention missed holding the actual meeting- you had gained more questions. Yet another night with only tiny, incomplete memories. Memories that blurred with dreams that blurred with visions.

You still had no clue as to why you had now passed out twice on Silco’s settee, but you were starting to suspect Ran and/or Silco were playing a part. Both times you had accepted a drink from Ran. A drink that came from Silco’s bar cart. And Silco’s disinterest in trying to hold the meetings was equally as suspicious. He seemed far too at ease with just pushing them off for another week. Odd especially considering he was paying for half your wages in this deal with the Piltover Council.

Speaking of the Council, they were becoming rather perturbed, understandably so, at the lack of progress. You’d managed to placate them. Explained you’d been experiencing medical problems. They thankfully believed you. Your weakened state, which had worsened even more since your last visit to Silco’s office, was evident in your appearance. You looked as if you’d been bled nearly dry. Skin sunken in and several shades lighter. Eyes dry and bloodshot. Not only your appearance had been so poorly affected though. You spent even more hours in your bed. Too tired and weak to do much of anything else.

Then there was the matter of the marks. First on your neck. Now on your shoulder. Two, perfectly spaced, puncture wounds. As if something- or someone- had bitten you or used some sort of tool. You were aware of Silco’s involvement with Shimmer. His use of the drug in ways that were not most ethical. It had you wondering if he was extracting your blood for some strange experiment. It could also explain your weakened state.

But would Sevika really allow that?

She seemed entirely too concerned with your safety to play a part in that. Maybe she didn’t know.

Whatever it was, you were determined to get answers at the next meeting.

By your next ‘meeting’ you had only managed to gain a fraction of your energy back. Your determination and will were the only things moving your feet across the Piltover bridge to the lift and the subsequent walk to the Last Drop. Determination and maybe just a hint of desire to see Sevika again.

Following Ran up the stairs leading to Silco’s office, you caught sight of the man himself descending the stairs. His attention was on one of his henchmen beside him, but the moment he stepped in front to allow room for you and Ran to pass, you reached out and grabbed his wrist.

“Silco! Sir,” you exclaimed, “If I could have just a moment of your time please.”

His cool gaze dropped to where your fingers wrapped around his wrist, then rose back up to your face.

You quickly removed your hand and uttered an apology.

Ran and the other henchman stopped beside each other several steps above, both turned to watch the display with obvious interest.

“It’s been several weeks since we’ve been able to speak,” you started to explain.

“And whose fault is that?” Silco drawled, that teal eye of his regarding you, calculating.

“I’m not looking to point fingers,” you replied. You swallowed, nervousness quickly building under his scrutinizing gaze. “The Council is growing impatient. There’s quite a few negotiations we haven’t made progress on-”

“You can speak with Sevika,” he interrupted, “I have other more pressing matters to attend to.” He attempted to walk past you, but in a moment of bravery- or perhaps stupidity- you stepped in front of him. His undamaged brow raised at your audacity.

“Sir, please. I- I don’t believe Sevika and I are going to be able to solve this.”

“Are you implying my second in command is not competent enough to handle these talks?”

Your heart dropped to your stomach. “Janna, no!” you exclaimed. “She’s very intelligent. It’s just-”

“Then I see no problem here. Now if you would step aside before I have you removed myself.”

Realizing you’d pushed your luck far enough, you relented and stepped aside. Before you could resume your climb, Silco paused at your side, bringing his mouth uncomfortably close to your ear. Your breath caught in your throat, heart skipping a beat before starting to race.

“You’re quite a brave little mouse,” he drawled, “I can see why Sevika has taken such a liking to you.”

You slowly turned your head to the side, face coming so damn close to his you could feel his calm breath. You were met with the unnerving orange of his damaged eye. But more terrifying than that was the flash of red in the other eye as it rose from your neck to your wide eyes.

And then he was gone. Descended the stairs without so much as a goodbye. You stood frozen in shock, unable to comprehend what you’d just witnessed. His words nor the way he’d looked at you.

Janna, you had to be losing your mind.

The sudden touch of Ran’s cool metal hand on your shoulder broke you from your daze. You peered up at them, clearly still shaken, relaxed only slightly by the small crooked smile they offered you.

You released a shaky breath and followed Ran the rest of the way to Silco’s office.

“Drink?” Ran offered.

As much as you needed one, you decided to test your suspicion that Ran or Silco may have been drugging you. “No thank you.”

Ran regarded you for a moment, but eventually nodded and headed for the door.

That odd little pause only worsened your suspicion, but at least they didn’t push the matter.

“Sevika will be here shortly,” they said before leaving and shutting the door.

The predictability of these ‘meetings’ was becoming unnerving. It seemed too obvious. Like this was all planned. It was as if you were never really meant to speak with Silco. You were brought here for another purpose. Problem was, you had no idea what that purpose was.

Your thoughts immediately went back to what Silco had said to you on the stairs.

“You’re quite a brave little mouse. I can see why Sevika has taken such a liking to you.”

That memory immediately triggered another. The blue-haired girl. Jinx. She had said something seemingly similar.

“Should I go tell Sevika her pet is awake?”

It had to mean something. But what?

Looking for something to preoccupy yourself with, you headed straight for the gramophone beside the settee. Several records sat in a crate just behind it. You crouched down, thumbing through the records. Silco seemed to have quite the collection. Much of it you didn’t quite recognize, likely before your time. However, one managed to catch your eye.

After pulling the record from its sleeve, you slipped it onto the gramophone. You turned the volume down, not wanting anyone outside to catch you playing with Silco’s items. The last thing you needed was to perturb him any more than you seemingly already had.

With the needle in the track, you stepped back and listened as a smooth, slow song started to play. It was surprisingly nice. Catchy and sweet. Not something you would have imagined Silco listening to. Then again, you had a difficult time imagining such an intense and bored looking man listening to anything really. Probably had more than his share of music from the club below.

You started to sway in place to the music, letting your thoughts melt away for a moment.

Soon enough you found yourself lost in the music, dancing and slowly turning as you let the tune carry you.

Apparently a little too lost.

You failed to notice Sevika’s entrance until you had made a full circle to find her leaning back against the door, a crooked smile pulling at those delightful lips.

You froze immediately, heat rising into your cheeks. “Sorry,” you said with an awkward laugh. “Got bored and a little carried away.”

“Leave it,” Sevika gruffed before you could make it to the gramophone. “I like watching.”

That warmth grew hotter, but you turned to her with a playful smile. “Only if you dance with me.”

She chuckled– deep, warm, and sultry. “I don’t dance, sweetheart.”

“Oh come on. We both know Silco won’t be here anytime soon,” you prodded, striding towards her with a sway of your hips. “Won’t be anyone here to see.”

Sevika remained unmoved, her eyes tracking your hips until you stood before her. She met your eyes. “Not gonna happen.”

“Please?” you asked sweetly, running your fingertips from her bicep down to her hand. “Just for this song. Then you can have whatever you want.”

Her gaze flitted between your pleading eyes and seductive smile. She said nothing, but allowed you to gently pull her hand and bring her to the center of the room.

Eyes locked on hers, you placed her flesh hand on your waist, then gently took her metal hand and did the same with it. With your arms wrapped around her neck, you began to slowly sway with the music, your smile growing when she reluctantly joined in.

You could feel the tension in her shoulders and neck where your arms rested against them. It was honestly so terribly cute to see such a strong, confident woman so nervous. “Relax. You’re doing just fine,” you assured her.

“I am relaxed.”

You had to bite your lip to stop the laughter that threatened to bubble to the surface. She was most certainly not relaxed. Taking a step closer, you pressed your body into hers, hips swaying just a bit more sensually than the music called for. Sevika seemed to take notice though, the tips of her fingers digging into your waist and her pupils widening. With just a little more distraction, you were certain she’d ease into the dancing.

“Sevika,” you asked softly as you peered up into her intense gaze. “I’ve been wanting to ask you. The past two meetings- or rather what was supposed to be meetings- I can’t fully recall what happened. Just bits and pieces. I’m pretty sure you and I-” you paused, heat returning to your cheeks. “-did things, but I honestly can’t recall exactly what. Or how I ended up on Silco’s settee. What happened?”

Sevika said nothing. Merely stared down at you with an ominous look you couldn’t quite identify while you both continued to sway.

“Sevika?” you asked, brows knitted in worry. It was as if she had spaced out.

Her eyes dropped to your neck, flashing that startling red-purple before darting back up to your face.

You watched in awe as her tongue slipped out to wet her lips. She looked…

Hungry.

The song ended and it was as if a switch had been flipped. Sevika immediately ceased her swaying, her grip on your waist digging in deeper.

“Sevika?” you tried again, this time with a hint of worry in your tone.

The next thing you knew, she was pushing you backward. Your eyes went wide, fear and excitement overtaking you.

Your back bumped into Silco's desk, knocking a startled gasp from you and several items on the desk to rattle. Sevika's lips crashed into yours and your hands slipped down her front, grasping the collar of her top to keep yourself upright.

Without breaking the kiss, her hands slid down to grip the back of your thighs, just below your ass, before hoisting you up onto the edge of the desk. She stepped between your legs, forcing them to spread so she could press against the apex of your thighs. She slipped her hands beneath your top, cool metal and warm flesh gliding up your stomach to grasp at your breasts through the thin fabric of your bra. She took the opportunity of your parted lips to delve her tongue inside, hungrily swirling around yours.

You tried to match her fervor, but she pulled away to suck your bottom lip into her mouth. Teeth- two of which felt oddly more pronounced and sharper than the others- clamped down on the plush of your lip, pulling yet another gasp from your throat. When she finally released your lip, she ran her tongue along the length of it.

“Sevika,” you said breathlessly. “Wait! I- I want you to answer my questions.”

Her mouth had already found the side of your neck, sucking deep bruises into the skin and sending your mind reeling. You tilted your head back, giving her more access, silently begging her to take her fill despite your protests.

“You said I could have whatever I want,” she growled before scraping her teeth down and across your throat. Metal and flesh fingers pulled and twisted your hardening nipples.

You whimpered and squirmed, inadvertently grinding against her waist. The ache in your core spread clear down your legs. A wanton moan fell from your mouth. But you refused to give up. Not yet. “I- I know but-”

“I want you ,” she grunted, rocking her hips against you. She licked a stripe from the center of your collarbone clear up your neck, pulling away just before reaching the underside of your chin. She straightened up, her glowing and pupil-blown eyes locking on yours. “I’ve been craving the taste of you every fucking night. Nothing else will satiate me.”

That’s when you lost it. To hell with whatever questions you’d been so desperately wanting answers to. There was no denying her. And you had no desire to.

Her lips met yours again, tongue immediately slipping between your lips. Her hands slid beneath the backs of your thighs again, lifting you up off the desk and pulling your body against hers.

You wrapped your legs around her waist and your arms around her neck as she carried you to the opposite side of the desk. Her mouth remained on yours until she set you back down on the desk in front of Silco’s chair.

You struggled to catch your breath when she pulled away, but she left you little time to recover as she slipped her fingers beneath the waist of your pants and began tugging them down. With your palms pressed against the desk, you did your best to lift yourself up and aid her before she could tear your pants to shreds in her impatient attempt to remove them.

While she pulled them down the rest of the way, chucking your shoes aside, you sat in shock. There was no doubt in your mind that her eyes had that frightful glow to them. It was no trick of your mind. And as she rose back up to grasp your soaked panties, that’s when you saw something new. Something far more peculiar and unexpected.

Her lips were pulled back in a ravenous snarl, revealing two obviously pronounced and sharp teeth.

Oh dear Janna.

She didn’t bother giving you the time to help her remove your last barrier. She slid a single sharp, metal talon beneath the gusset of your panties and tore them to useless shreds in one fell swoop.

The startled yelp that pulled from you was met with a threatening glare. One that should have had you second guessing your choice to be there with Sevika. Instead it made the knot low in your belly pull tighter. You could feel the warm, wetness of your arousal already seeping down the inside of your thighs.

“What did I tell you last time?” she growled, forcing your legs to spread wide as she stepped between them.

Breath caught in your throat, you peered helplessly into her glowing eyes. Your heart hammered in your chest, so hard you swore she’d be able to hear it. “I- I-” you stammered, unable to recall what she could be referring to. Even if you’d actually had all those memories, there was no way in hell you were capable of processing anything in that moment. You swallowed hard, your gaze dropping to those two, sharp teeth again.

Had they grown even longer?

“I- I don’t remember,” you managed to squeak out.

Cold, sharp metal fingers wrapped around your neck, another move that should have sent you running. And yet, all you did was moan softly and allow her to pull your head closer to hers. She leaned in, her wet lips pressing against your ear as she whispered, “I need you to keep that pretty mouth of yours nice and quiet.”

Your hands gripped the front edge of the desk, nails biting into the unforgiving wood.

She stood back up, but only enough to meet your frightened gaze. She teased her parted lips across yours, intently watching your expression as you nearly fell apart right then and there. “Can you be quiet for me?” she asked, lips brushing over yours as she spoke.

Not trusting your ability to speak, you gave her a very small nod.

“That’s a good girl,” she husked, “Now lie back for me.”

You hesitated, hoping to get another kiss from those soft lips before following her orders. They were only a hair's breadth away. You could just lean forward. Take what you want.

You watched her arch a single dark brow. The metal fingers around your neck held tighter. Not enough to harm you, but enough to send your eyes fluttering shut and a breathy moan spilling past your lips.

“Needy girl,” she chuckled darkly, her breath mixing with yours. “You’ll get my mouth. Just not here.”

You whimpered in protest, but allowed her to gently push you back until you were leaning on your forearms. Your eyes slowly opened, glazed over with lust as you watched her take a seat in Silco’s chair and settle between your thighs.

She locked eyes with you, then lifted each of your thighs onto her shoulders.

For as damn impatient as she seemed that night, she took her sweet time sucking marks up along the inside of each thigh. Her eyes only left yours for a moment to admire her handiwork. That, and your resulting arousal. She didn’t even need to say anything. The sinful curl of those lips spoke enough.

Your cheeks burned, but the heat quickly flooded your lower half the moment she ran the flat of her tongue over your weeping cunt. Your head fell back, a soft moan falling past parted lips.

Sevika’s appreciative hum sent vibrations through your throbbing clit. You instinctively bucked towards her face, but the hands she’d been sliding down the tops of your thighs held you tight in place.

Her tongue made another pass, slipping between your wet folds before teasing over your clit.

You gasped, body making another attempt to grind against her face. Sharp nails sunk into the flesh of your thighs, a silent warning to lie still. “I- I’m sorry,” you whined, but Janna, it was damn near impossible to sit still while she used her tongue to tease and taunt you. She merely lapped at your wet hole, kissing and sucking on the soft folds. Just the faintest of touches over the aching bundle of nerves above, but never quite enough.

“Sevika, please,” you begged. You lifted your head, your pleading eyes meeting hers. Her pupils were almost entirely blown out, leaving just a small ring of glowing iris.

She said nothing, simply delved her tongue deep inside you until that wonderful nose of hers pressed against your clit.

“Shit,” you breathed out and your head fell back once again.

She worked that wet appendage in and out, nose bumping against you each and every time.

Your breathing quickly became ragged. The tension drew tighter in your core with every passing second, every drag of her tongue, every brush of her nose. With the muscles in your arms no longer able to keep you up, you let your back collapse against the desk. Your head hung off the edge, leaving you with nothing but a blurry vision of the door from beneath your hooded eyes.

Sevika ran her hands up under your thighs, then pushed them up to the sides of your chest, leaving you completely exposed and open to her. She wrapped her lips around your swollen clit, sucking and licking hungrily.

The closer she brought you to the precipice of bliss, the more your vision started to blur. Drowning in pleasure, all you could manage to vocalize were breathy whines and desperate mewls. She must have sensed your impending orgasm, her fingers sinking further into your thighs as she held them in place and her mouth worked more aggressively.

A familiar, yet indescribable feeling started to wash over you. It was as if something had entered your mind. The room began shifting, rocking like the waves of an ocean. You closed your eyes just as the waves of pleasure crashed over you.

You fought to close your thighs around Sevika’s head as pleasure wracked your body, but she was simply too strong. You helplessly dug your nails into the wood of the desk beneath you, trying to stave off the pathetic cries ripping from your throat.

She relentlessly continued to suck and lap at your weeping cunt while you rode your high, dragging it on longer than you thought possible.

Just when you thought it was finally coming to an end, your body falling limp against the desk, that’s when you felt something pierce the inside of your thigh.

Your eyes flew wide open as pain scorched through your veins, emanating from the points where Sevika had latched onto your flesh. Tears streamed down the side of your face, blurring your vision of the door. You tried to cry out, but with your head tilted so far back, all that escaped was a sharp release of your breath.

Your hands flailed helplessly, trying to grasp at anything you could to stop the pain, but with your legs pinned down and your strength rapidly depleting, you couldn’t manage to sit up to reach Sevika.

Choked sobs echoed in your head as you lay there helpless. Thick, dark red started to take over your vision, slowly painting the door in the color of blood. Before you knew it, the pain was replaced with a warm ache. Pleasure washed over your body just as the red washed over your vision.

You’d been here before. You’d had these sensations before. The visions. The pain. The pleasure.

Your eyelids grew heavier. You tried to fight it. Tried to force them open, but Sevika was sucking you dry.

Sevika.

“Sevika,” you breathed just before giving into the darkness.

CH6>>

[evilwickedme]

I saw in the tags you mentioned spideypool fic recs 👂 I'm listening

breaking the DC streak to go to Marvel because fun fact I've been into DC for six months and into Marvel comics for eight years so

anyway a majority of my spideypool bookmarks are from 2015 and I have no idea if most of them are any good which is an interesting problem to have but I still have a solid list for y'all

Say Anything...Except That - I was following this from the first chapter and I'm now mutuals with the author which was very fanboy moment for me (if you're seeing this, hi!). it has a lot of old school fanfiction.net quirks to it which might be a bit difficult to swallow if you've only been reading fic for a few years, but honestly I think this fic is really good and holds up to this day. it's been a while since I read it last but iirc Deadpool has to protect Spider-Man or Peter from assassination attempts and there's a lot of pining involved. also mattfoggy ended up having a nice arc because this was 2015 and Daredevil had just aired (this is technically incomplete there's one chapter left but if I had to reread it multiple times when there were only like ten chapters you can handle it)

under attack - more fics by people who are wayyy too cool to have followed me back and yet somehow did? anyway this is part of stackthedeck's team red slash series (ELITE ship fyi) but this one is spideypool focused and has some nice fluff. fighting as flirting idk what else to say it's golden

#NoPlaceLikeHome - do y'all know ask-spiderpool? you should it's one of the best blogs on this damn website and a must-read for spideypool shippers. anyway this is that version of spideypool's first time together which is cute :D short and sweet basically. sciderman has a lot of fics for the spiderman fandom in general and their ask-spiderpool au in particular and they're all worth reading

Dissonance - another longfic that took half a decade to write about deadpool protecting spider-man from harm. I actually don't know why this trope is so good peter really can defend himself but there you go

Perfect Enough - ohm y gOD this fic series is so good. this au hinges on such a tiny difference in peter's history but it makes ALL the difference. anyway in this world basically nobody has a functional secret identity anymore except for spider-man. meanwhile, wade wilson and peter parker start dating. so much plot, two separate longfics each around 140k, good luck this CONSUMED my life

speaking of consumed, rippling - this is part of a series called Into the Multiverse and is based on the Spiderverse film so it's Peter B. which I LOVE (spideybpool FUCKS). the series spun out of the authors' other series and it is, in fact, a pain to read the main entries in the series without reading the other serieses which means that I did spend two weeks doing little to nothing except reading deniigiq's work, but a. it was worth b. this one can be read as a standalone! wade jumps in front of a bullet for peter b and he angsts about it I love it

finally ahem speaking of Peter B, did you know I've been writing spideypool fic since 2015 and I wrote one specifically for spiderverse? I'm a mess (but I'm the mess that you wanted) is really a mix of spiderverse and comic canon like, five years into the future, and deals mostly with like, depression and suicidal ideation on Peter's behalf, but hey there's also a plot AND a happy polyam ending which, what else could you want really

anyway sorry the list isn't longer I didn't bookmark so many of my favorite spideypool fics and now they're lost in the void forever :/

[ceescedasticity]

Unforsaken, 12a

(All sections on tumblr)

(AO3, lagging behind but more polished)

Alphsîr and Alphlîn say farewell for the moment in the morning; they mean to go fly with the Geese for the day.

(Celeborn is not hung over, or at least not hung over enough to show it.)

As they set off, Glorfindel waves for Elladan and Elrohir to join him. "I want to come up with a list of all the Ainur-power-related things I did or Elrond did that might be teachable."

They also need to figure out how they're going to adjust group combat strategy to account for big magic swans in the middle of everything — and make sure they don't reflexively attack the orcs.

They also also need to demonstrate the Wizard's Clay again.

Gimli was hoping to demonstrate placing it in rock anyway.

And they still need to come up with those hand signals.

******

Maglor falls in beside Sharlinnu's wagon.

"Oh, good," she says.

"Let's talk about noise."

Sharlinnu has a lot to say about the noise — how pervasive it is, how wrong, how noxious, how exhausting. The ebb and flow of it according to the Dark Lord's moods and fortunes. She tries to mimic it so Maglor can get a better idea of it — he gets how she feels about it, but that's about it.

She talks about seeing the effects of the noise in others, how it manifests in their hearts rather than their heads and twists them up.

She talks about the loneliness of being cut off from the Song, of not being able to hear the trees and the earth and the sky and the Sea, what should be familiar and comfortable made alien and strange.

Then she screws up her face and says, "I have spent more orc childhoods aware than any of the others. But you'll have to bear with me while I… extract the memories from where I put them."

(An incomplete list of aspects of orc childhood Sharlinnu usually works very hard not to remember:

The hunger, overwhelming all reason and feeling and impulse control until you will eat. Anything.

(Dead Men, dead elves, dead dwarves, dead orcs, live prisoners, smaller orclings if the minders get careless, wounded orcs, wounded wargs, orcs who got careless around a large group of orclings, half-rotted carrion, leather clothing, dirt that had blood soaked into it.)

(After relating all those, she struggles for a few minutes before haltingly relating a time when the orc den was overrun and the few escaped orclings scattered each alone in a desolate land, and… she died. Of blood loss. After one of the bites she took out of her own arms hit an artery.)

The horror of maturation inevitably accompanied by pain and deformation.

The complete lack of, of…

Usazila of the Hirnedhrim spent her childhood alone in a pit and came out biting everyone and not knowing how to be a person. Orclings were not left in pits — together in pits they would have killed each other and there really was not the space for a pit each — but that's the comparison that feels right, as far as being raised. Orclings aren't raised. They're fed and guarded and kept from dying until they can figure out how to be a person from whatever shreds of their past lives they can find.

There are a few exceptions, probably. But not many.

"Treating Mist like that would have killed him, probably. But I'm pretty sure it never crossed anyone's mind. Mist was— Even before we realized Mist was an elf — which I thought was obvious from fairly early on, but not everyone did — even before we knew he was an elf, we all thought of him as a child. Children are to be cared for and treasured." She shrugs. "Orclings aren't— No one sees orclings as children. Not orcs, not orclings, not anyone."

"…Are they, though?" Maglor asks.

"No, because they have entire lives of experience available to them and they grow up immediately," Sharlinnu says. "…And yes, because not all of them know that, and…" She holds a hand a foot or so from the wagon seat. "When you're about so tall and can't stand or focus your eyes properly, I think — I think you should probably get to call yourself a child even if you can remember a dozen lifetimes perfectly."

It's probably still easier than talking to Celegorm will be.)

******

Dyn and Gimli, with intermittent assistance from Turgon, Whiterot, Risyind, Zena, and Legolas (they can't all gather at once because there are eight wagons to drive here), come up with hand signals for the following concepts:

"We're ready"

"We need more time"

"Can we get some technical assistance over here"

"Please hurry up"

"Watch out, we're being attacked"

"We need backup for being attacked"

"DRAGON"

"STOP ABORT ABORT WHAT ARE YOU DOING"

"IT'S GOING TO BLOW GO RUN NOW NOW NOW"

"Curse the Dark Lord(s)"

That last one is not expected to be very relevant to the Wizard's Clay-laying; Risyind invents it just to see if it gets around whatever stops the orcs from cursing the Dark Lord(s) generally. It does! At least for the moment.

(Cover your eyes with your hands briefly, then point down with both thumbs, then both pointer fingers, then both middle fingers, etc. — when you've gone through all the fingers, mime retching. Curse the Dark Lord(s)!)

[bunnakit]

last twilight episode 4 thoughts, feelings, etc.

as always, i'm just some foul mouthed gremlin online.

holy shit. the episodes keep hitting us like a truck immediately.

do you think Mhok's hands smell like jasmine? do you think someday in the future they'll lay in bed at the end of their day and Day will hold Mhok's hand gently to his face, press a kiss to the inside of his wrist, and smile because Mhok smells like jasmine from all the blossoms he has picked for him throughout their time together?

sorry, i'm mentally ill. anyway.

the correction from boss to friend, oh fuuuuuuck. and Mhok asking Day if he's coming with - once again as Mhok always does he gives Day a choice and make sure Day is an active participant in his own life. kissing him on the forehead, Mhok you're doing such an amazing job as a caretaker. you're not perfect, but fuck you're better than most trained professionals i've seen to be honest. and Mhok doesn't just turn the radio on for Day, he guides Day to turn it on himself. UGH. UUUUGH.

I can't look at you, look into your eyes, or confront you

Oh. Ough the pain is unending and forever. Day quite literally can't do those things, even if he reaches that point emotionally where he might want to. Life is great because there are so many vegetables you can saute, but also, the horrors.

Once again, Porjai and Mhok's friendship is so important to me. Porjai is just so important to me (ignore the fact that I'm half in love with her fuck she's so beautiful-) it's so important for Mhok to have this support system and this friendship and UGH. I'm so glad there's no fallout from the fight.

AND AGAIN HE ANNOUNCES HIMSELF TO DAY. Mhok does this every single time he returns to Day's side, he very rarely forgets to announce himself to Day. He's so fucking good about it.

AND DAY ONCE AGAIN TRYING TO ESTABLISH HIMSELF AS A FRIEND. AND MHOK'S SMILE. CHEWING THROUGH MY DESK.

I also love Porjai not making assumptions of how she should act, she just asks Day what she should do to make him comfortable. Punching my desk, punching my desk, punching my desk. It's so funny how these complete strangers to Day have treated him with so much more dignity than his own family (however, it is difficult for family to navigate a newly disabled family member because there is this inherent need to protect and sometimes that protection goes too far into coddling, so I don't want to shit on his family constantly. It's a really tricky situation to navigate for the people closest to you.)

His voice is like the scent of cigarettes.

I'm never writing fanfiction again because nothing I write will top this, hey Day what the fuck. I also think this is a good example of Day's major; we know he was majoring in journalism and the sensation he creates here is incredible - and it shows he's still fully capable of capturing the essence of the world, of a story, without his sight. He offers a new perspective that is no less beautiful.

MHOK'S BAG SAYS 'I LOVE TO HEAR YOUR VOICE' RIGHT AFTER THAT CONVERSATION I'M GOING TO THROW UP WHAT THE FUUUUCK IS THIS ALLOWED

Oh, the way Mhok guides Day where to look when he's taking the photo so it looks natural, so he can keep his secret from the general public until he's ready. Ouuugghhhghh.

Oooof. The trophy only having one handle; only one player remains, half of the duo is missing, an incomplete set. And Day can't even read the plaque anymore. He can no longer see his own accomplishments.

This isn't important but the transition from part 2 to part 3 being all Namtan fuck I'm so bisexual.

WHY WAS THAT HAND TOUCH SO SENSUAL- YOU'RE JUST GONNA STROKE EACH OTHERS HANDS LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD???

FUCKING RIGHT THERE ON THE BED WOULD HAVE BEEN LESS INTIMATE. I feel like I'm fucking intruding. Holy shit. Holy shiiiiiit.

Staring unblinkingly at every red flag Porjai dodged. Also want to point out the only times we've seen Mhok get violent has been to protect the people closest to him - even back at the garage. He's never once been violent for his own gain, it's always been to protect.

Oh, Porjai. The circumstances are absolutely shit but there's no doubt in my mind that your child is going to be so, so loved by everyone around them. I just know Mhok is going to adore that kid.

Coming into this scene at the party makes me so anxious. Reintegration into society can be so, so scary. Day has been dipping his toe into it but this is a big, chaotic gathering. This is so scary and I'm so proud of him but like hhhggg makes me nervy.

Ugh I have a feeling Day is going to be exhausted after this. He's already having to field (I don't want to say stupid questions) a whole slew of questions and over the top concern. It's going to be a lot.

"To our blind friend" bro I'm gonna kick you into the sun.

Oh Mhok you want Day to want you so bad it makes you look stupid, I love you.

I knew he was going to sing that song, I knew it in my heart, but it still makes me emotional with the rainbow background. (I also love "I don't sing that well" and then proceeds to sing with the voice of an angel. [What if he actually isn't that good of a singer but it sounds that way to Day because of his affection for Mhok???])

Tell me why my ass is crying at Day trying to see Mhok on his phone, and looking up and barely being able to see anything of him. He wants to see him so bad.

OH NOW I'M GENUINELY SOBBING.

I love that while the show emphasizes that Day can see Mhok in a way no one else can, he still has that desire to see him physically. It hurts and it's so painful to watch but it's just another element of this show that makes it so real. Just because Day is starting to adjust, just because he can gauge a lot about people from the sound of their voice, it doesn't magically replace the sense he's losing and it doesn't make him miss that any less. I'm just gonna blanket apologize for how long these are getting. I feel like I don't have much insight lately rather than just raw reactions but this show makes me feel so fucking much. for my tag loves (just lmk if you want me to remove you from these, or add anyone idk) @benkaaoi @callipigio

[7waystreet]

lick | namkook

synopsis —  after being reunited with namjoon after a month apart, an incomplete night with him in bed leads you to fall into jungkook's irresistible charm

genre — fluff; smut

warnings — 18+ language & sexual content, oral sex (f & m receiving)

word count — 2.9k

"FUCK, I just wanna eat some pussy!"

Jungkook's big doe eyes grow even wider, almost about to pop out of his head when he hears Namjoon's frustrated yell from the kitchen.

"Hyung, what the hell!"

Namjoon's form becomes gentler when he paces into the living room and sees poor Jungkook's startled face, the little one appearing as if he's just lost his appetite, the half eaten pizza slice fallen on his plate.

"Sorry kid. It's just... I miss (y/n) a lot. You know how she's been away for a whole month visiting her family, right?"

"Of course I know. I haven't heard you guys banging that stupid bed against the wall all night for weeks."

Namjoon chuckles to himself at that, flopping onto the couch next to Jungkook before they both start eating again. While turning the TV on, Namjoon's eyes fall on the cute pic that he clicked of you at the mountain top while on a hike together, the snap tucked in a photo frame that's resting on the stand a few feet away.

"Can't wait until I can see that pretty face again tomorrow."

Jungkook slowly looks up from his plate after noticing Namjoon's unexpected softer tone of voice, which only happens when he talks about you. He follows Namjoon's gaze towards the photo frame, those sweet bambi eyes now deeply admiring your face in silence.

"So pretty" Jungkook whispers to himself with a sadness in his voice, making sure Namjoon doesn't hear him at all though. "Hyung?" he slightly clears his throat, speaking audibly this time.

"Hmm yeah?"

"Have you asked her to be your girlfriend yet?"

"No I haven't..."

Jungkook can't help but secretly smile, a rush of happiness filling him up to the brim, but he realizes Namjoon's right next to him and quickly snaps out of it, rubbing his lips instead to hide his grin.

"... but I'm thinking of asking her soon. What do you think, Jungkookie?"

And just like that, the joy fizzles out and a spike of heat rips through Jungkook's body at Namjoon's question, but he's got to act cool, so he just nods his head to show his approval even though he'd do anything for it to not happen.

Jungkook sneaks a pining look at the photo of you again, his thoughts traveling back to what Namjoon had yelled out earlier.

"What's it like? You know... to eat pussy?"

Namjoon pauses mid bite, a smile curling up on his lip as he turns to Jungkook and places his palm on the boy's shoulder.

"It's hard to explain, but I think it feels better when you go down on a girl who you care about because seeing the pleasure you're giving her makes you feel really good too. But don't worry, you'll find someone worth it one day and learn it on your own."

The doorbell suddenly rings, both boys now giving each other questioning looks since they weren't expecting company tonight.

"Surprise!!!" you giggle as Namjoon whips the door open, his face instantly bursting into a big smile, those deep dimples adorning both his cheeks melting your heart into pudding in an instant.

With his strong hands outstretched, you excitedly jump on him, your arms wrapping around his neck while your legs curl around his waist. His comforting embrace warms you up as you stuff your face in Namjoon's shoulder, both of you holding onto each other tightly for a minute.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you."

Namjoon smiles into the kiss as you pull back from the hug, giving you not one but what feels like a hundred little kisses, making you giggle nonstop. It's never just one smooch with this guy. He has to make sure you really know you're cared for.

You drop down from his waist, now hanging your purse and jacket onto the silver hooks by the door as Namjoon heads for the kitchen to get you a glass of water.

"Do you want pizza? It's still warm. Jungkook ordered it earlier!"

"No thanks, I'm good Joon! Where's the lil cutie anyways?"

Your eyes meet Jungkook's as soon as you enter the living room, his happy bunny smile that's stretching from ear-to-ear greeting you at once.

"I missed you, Kook!" you smile back at him, skipping over to him and giving him a big friendly hug, although he very awkwardly hugs you back just like he always does.

"It's good to see you again!" he naturally stutters, his cheeks blushing a light pink while breaking eye contact with you.

Namjoon puts his arm around your shoulder, gently caressing it while you sit down and drink the water, your conversation then diving into all of the updates you have for the boys about your month long vacation with your family. After catching up for a bit, you focus on Jungkook and pose him a question, seeing as to how you'd be spending the rest of the evening with Namjoon alone.

"So, what are you plans for the night, Kook?"

"Oh, I'm just gonna be watching TV or playing Overwatch."

You feel sad leaving him there all alone, wishing you could at least give him company, him being one of the kindest guys you know. But taking one last look at Jungkook, you turn around while holding Namjoon's hand, now walking down to his room.

"Mmm come here."

Namjoon falls back on the bed, his hand then pulling you towards him. You crawl over his body, straddling him as he lays flat down, a smirk forming on both your faces when your eyes lock in with each other. Palms on his broad chest, you bed and press a kiss on his neck, a hiss escaping his mouth at your warm touch. You know how much Namjoon loves neck kisses.

You keep kissing his soft skin, his breath starting to get heavier as you turn him on with your lips. He finally puts both his hands on your ass, giving it a good squeeze before he flips you over in a jolt and gets on top.

"Lemme get a taste of that pussy."

The room's filled with your moans as Namjoon goes down on you and works his magic with his tongue, but little do you know what's going on outside.

Your sweet moans meet Jungkook's ears, his finger naturally hitting the mute button on the remote now to hear you clearly. His eyes roll back and shut close, his head reclining into the couch as he takes this feeling in.

I wish that was me in there with her.

His hand touches the big bulge that's forming in his pants, slowly massaging it to the overwhelming sounds of pleasure leaving your mouth while Namjoon keeps flicking your clit.

Just as you're about to cum, Namjoon cuts you off, his tongue parting from your clit while the glint in his eyes shines brighter than ever. Sex with him is a full ride, with plenty of foreplay until you're practically begging him to let you reach your orgasm.

"Suck me off."

Following his command, you unzip his jeans and roll them off the bed, the outline of his hardened member already visible through his boxers. You take a gulp and a deep breath as his cock slaps up against his stomach when you strip him off of everything, almost having forgotten how massive his length is after this month long separation.

You give Namjoon a few good pumps with your hand, his jawline already clenching from the pleasure starting to take over from your smooth strokes. Starting with sucking on his balls, you give them plenty of attention before moving up to his length, your wet mouth slowly taking him in.

Why did her moans stop?

Jungkook's sweatpants are pooled around his ankles, his hand stroking himself at full speed when the sudden silence hollows him out. He's almost about to cum when your voice can't be heard anymore. Beyond frustrated, his head restlessly rolls around, eyes unknowingly falling on that photo frame of your pic.

He shoots up from the couch, waddling towards the stand with his pants still around his ankles, quickly grabbing the frame before falling back on the cushions. His hand quickly goes back to pumping his cock, picking up the pace as his eyes deeply focus on you smiling in your hiking shorts and tank top with the mountain view in the back.

"Kook?"

His heart stops beating in that very second, his chest entirely on fire as the frame drops out of his hand, his natural instinct being to reach for a pillow to cover his throbbing length out of your sight. He shakily turns his head to the side in embarrassment, his eyes meeting yours as you stand there completely frozen, both of your breaths cut off from this unexpected encounter.

"Oh my God! I'm SO sorry! I didn't mean to intrude like this."

"Uh, ah- no, not your fault. I- I should've been in my bedroom."

"I thought you were!"

"I thought you were with hyung! You came out so early."

Oh, if only Jungkook knew the irony in that...

"Shit baby, you're so good."

You spit on Namjoon's cock getting it slippery wet, the slick sounds of your stroking echoing in the room while you pump him hard, then sliding him back into your mouth. You keep bobbing your head on his length, your throat tightening up when you take him in deeper, choking on him for a few secs before you gasp back up for some air.

Namjoon keeps cursing from the amazing feeling, your ego rising from the way he's weak underneath your touch, making you go even faster to deliver the promised pleasure you always give him.

What you don't expect is Namjoon cumming out so early during foreplay.

"Fuck, I'm- I'm sorry."

You hear Namjoon stammer as you swallow his whole load, noting the salty, but familiar taste you don't mind. Your eyes are on him again as you pop his cock out of your mouth and sit up by his knees.

"You don't have to say sorry" you innocently giggle.

But Namjoon now looks even more flustered after hearing you, instantly making you feel a heavy guilt in your chest. You didn't mean to chuckle as if you were shaming him or poking fun of him for not lasting long. You had giggled bcuz you were happy you got him cumming in no time, tickling that sense of pride within you.

Before he misunderstands your actions though, you lay down in bed with him and wrap your arm around his chest, your face tucking into his shoulder as you gently soothe his sides with your palm.

"I came quicker because we haven't fucked in so long, gosh you got me feeling so good so early. Lemme at least go down on you. (y/n), I feel sorry because I cut you off from your orgasm before."

Not wanting him to feel pressured into doing it, you cuddle him tighter, his own arms easing up and hugging you snuggly now at your gesture. You press a kiss on his neck before softly speaking in his ear.

"Shh it's ok, Joon relax. It happens. How about we just rest tonight and do it in the morning? I'm kinda tired from my travels too."

Namjoon falls asleep shortly while you fidget in bed next to him, the pinch in between your legs continuing to bother you as you're still horny as fuck, now wishing that feeling somehow magically goes away soon.

You figure drinking some water might help you cool down, so without getting fully dressed, you pull your panties back on and throw over Namjoon's t-shirt, which hits around your mid thigh, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 covering your ass. You realize the TV's turned off since you can't hear the volume anymore, meaning Jungkook's gone to bed, so you won't have to worry about him seeing you pant less.

"Kook, you dropped something."

You slowly walk towards Jungkook, avoiding looking at him as he scrambles to pull his pants up, still desperately trying to hide his boner using the small pillow next to him. He hurries to grab what's fallen first, but fails to do it, your fingers now curling around the photo frame of your pic against the scenery.

"Wait... you were masturbating to my photo?"

Jungkook looks pale and lightheaded, like he's about to pass out from the embarrassment, your question completely throwing him off.

"I- I- no- shit- I mean- it's not that- I- I'm sorry- I- fuck-"

To stop Jungkook's uncontrollable stuttering, you step closer to him and put your hand on his shoulder to ease him up a little bit. His chest keeps heaving up and down as he tensely stares into the carpet, totally avoiding meeting your eyes at all costs.

"What were you thinking of when you were jacking off to me?"

Jungkook's head whips up to stare at your face, shocked after hearing your curious question. You're not angry with him. If anything, you're flattered someone thinks you're that attractive that they wanna get off to you.

"I- I can't say. That would be inappropriate."

"You're gonna tell me whats inappropriate or not after I just caught you busting a nut to my photo? Now, spill it."

His gaze slowly drops down from your eyes to your exposed thighs and legs, which are right up in his face as he's sitting in front of you. You're the one getting crazy flustered all of sudden, just realizing how you're literally only wearing panties and a t-shirt in front of Jungkook.

"I was... I was thinking about eating you out. (y/n)... can I?"

You'd be lying if you said you didn't find Jungkook attractive.

Namjoon's hot but Jungkook's got that boyish charm that undoubtedly draws you in. The way his thin rosy lips pout when he speaks, the cute button nose that you just wanna boop at times, the big smile that can light up an entire room, not to mention the prettiest eyes that shine like the entire galaxy could fit in them. You've just always kept your boundaries with him since he's Namjoon's friend, but your mind's starting to betray you.

"But Namjoon..."

"He's not your boyfriend, right? So it's not like you'd be cheating on him, right?"

Jungkook's technically right. You're not officially committed to Namjoon in any way. You both hook up and obviously have affection for each other, but you've never talked about being exclusive with one another. Jungkook's round eyes keep deeply stare into yours to search for the truth, for any hint of an approval to his request. And 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵, you know he can see right through you now, being able to read the softness in your gaze as you bite down on your bottom lip.

He reaches for your hand and gently holds it, lightly pulling you towards him to get you seated on the couch. You both wait there in total silence for a few mins, your nervous breathing speeding up as the couch rustles and Jungkook's body soon turns in your direction, his warm palm slowly placing on your shivering thigh.

"Can you look at me?"

With a silent gulp you turn towards him too, his adorable eyes holding love for you as his gaze falls down to your lips. Taking a shaky breath, he leans in with mustered courage, his thin lips feeling like silk when he kisses you for the first time, the taste of his strawberry chapstick melting into your mouth as your lips perfectly mould together.

His hand starts caressing your thigh as he keeps passionately kissing you, both your palms finding their way over to hold his cheeks so you can cup his face while you sweetly kiss him back. He moves up and touches your heat through your panties, slowly massaging your folds to get you going for what's to come.

The feeling of him touching you so intimately is entirely new but you can't deny the surging emotions of excitement within you as you now see him get down on his knees in front of you. His hands disappear underneath your baggy shirt, hooking into the band of your panties and slipping them off with ease in a sec.

You gasp as he tucks his arms under your thighs, lifting them up so to let your legs hang over his wide shoulders. His mouth has a better angle to taste your lower lips this way, his eyes locked in on your heat.

"Fuck. Every inch of you is beautiful."

Just like that he licks a strip over your folds, his soft squishy tongue on you sending a shiver down your spine. He leaves wet kisses all over, making sure to suck on your clit with the perfect amount of pressure. Your legs are starting to flail from the way his smooth tongue's working on your clit, his hands securing your legs down on his shoulders as he gives your clit a cute kiss.

"Does that feel good?"

You look down to see his big brown eyes observing your fucked out face, your breath shuddering as his movements get faster. His tongue's now circling your hole and licking you up, tensing your insides as you feel yourself nearing your end so soon, your heart giving out from the building pressure.

You just nod at him since you can't bring yourself to speak any words, feeling overwhelmed by the pleasure no doubt. Your hand reaches down, your fingers now running through his silky black bangs, his eyes closing from your touch but his mouth determined to get you cumming. He keeps eating you out with a passion that you've never experienced with anyone before, and just like that, the knot that's formed in your core loosens up and your juices flow out into his mouth.

"(y/n)... Does this mean you're not gonna be hyung's girlfriend now?"

"Depends on how good you fuck me. You ready for that?"

[p3rf3ct10nn1nj4]

Fuck you, nobody is sending in asks rn so I'll write stuff for myself then.

For a small explanation to what "insomnia" esk-thing im talking ab is; (i have no clue what the medical term for this is nor do i care all i know is that i deal with it nightly) I literally cannot fall asleep properly unless someone is besides me, there's background noise, and in physical contact with me. If they stop talking or move away from me i kinda wake back up? Again, no clue what this is, could be insomnia mixed with some other shit I've got going on (like insomnia mixing with my autism/adhd mixture) but yea... there's an explanation ig?

Yan-Boys (plus the cryptid that is John Doe) with an S/O who has difficulty falling asleep due to a condition

Jack

Lucky lucky, he's not leaving your side.

Who that's lucky for? Both of you honestly

It gets you to sleep since he'll ramble about how good of a job you did at work today

And it get's him a free pass to excusably pull you closer so you are laying up against him at night

As well as giving him an excuse to lay with you EVERY night (if he didn't have one already)

If you're like me and overheat quickly and get uncomfy when you do, he'll move his hand to different spots during different times if you seem warm

although he does have to sleep eventually

meaning again, if you're like me, you might wake up a little

he'd kinda have that...idk "go back to sleep, it's okay" type of vibe while he's asleep though?

you will end up getting at least semi-decent sleep around him though

i feel like he kinda.. hums a little in his sleep? idk how to explain it because its not like "the annoying girl at a sleepover who makes some noise every other minute while she pretends to sleep and then tells us that she's possessed next morning" (met a girl like that before, it was weird) more of a "you can kinda tell if you pay attention that this is supposed to sound more like a lullaby but its kinda incomplete so it just sounds like random humming"

John Doe

Doe can manage the background noise and constant contact

however while i personally feel that Doe doesn't sleep... like at all

they'd be terrible at keeping a genuine conversation

eventually any conversation with you, if it goes on long enough, just devolves into her complementing you or him talking about things that are not helpful to sleep to

like, if you think sleeping to true crime podcasts is kinda creepy because how much gore they talk about

Doe takes that to like... five levels higher

she'd go into unreasonable detail about teeth and other such things

if you were half asleep you'd have to wake up a little to tell him maybe just switch to complements

they would...only once you tell them that its kinda difficult to sleep to facts like the definition of voluntary apnea or the fact that "drowning" in concrete burns more than it suffocates (may or may not have learned some of these things from killing someone)

the only consistent "conversation" would be the slight cryptic repetition of "I love you" being said over and over but that'd still sound more like background noise

Peter

He's canonically an insomniac, if you really can't sleep he'll stay up with you

although he likes the idea of helping you sleep better

he also likes the special moments you two have with each other during those hours

it's like secret moments just between the two of you

would gladly hold you close, whether in broad daylight or to help you sleep, he'd cling to you whenever honestly

would probably have his phone with him and would play music for you, it'd be quiet but you could still hear it

already knows your music taste & has like... three different playlists with music you like for different occasions

the talking part...it'd be a little bit of a hassle, but compared to the two above, he'd be the only one on the list so far who could talk about normal-ish things

it wouldnt just be a bunch of complements, it could be weather, your ideas on [blank thing; for example fate], etc

[keity-devil]

I have this idea like, two days ago, and now it's here.

Context.

From @breathlessmorro beautiful SCP (Ninjago) Au.

--

After Nine Days After Suffocation

--

The first day after suffocation.

Morro was waiting, he didn't know what he was waiting... Oh, Kai. He still felt awful after that.. suffocation.. that he was forced to do to Nya. He didn't want that, but it happens. It was awful, he didn't think he was ever going to do that to anyone he cared about ever..

Half the day had passed and no sign from Kai. Morro's wind had become choppy, as had his form of air. An equally agitated smile had appeared on his face, a hurt one.

"It's okay. It's with Nya. It's okay.. H-he needs space. To calm down. Yes.. A day or two is fine. Mhm. I can resist.."

The day after suffocation.

Morro felt suffocated, smiling in pain. He flew slowly from one corner to the other, looking at the bars with sadness every time, after at his hands. Transparent.. wounded.. Criminal.

"..With these hands that possess power I made her unconscious.. I hurt her.." His voice broke at the end. "I'm really a monster."

The third day after suffocation.

"I'm sure he'll come tomorrow, I'm sure of that!" He was lying to himself. He knew deep inside, but he still hoped... a lot.

He could feel the soul that was still in him alive, breaking in two. It was painful how the person he cared about so much, loved him with all his heart, trusted him... to hate him, not to talk to him, not to want to look at him at all. It hurt terribly. He could feel a terrible pain in his heart, causing him to fall into a dark corner of the cell and lie there for the rest of the day.

The fourth day after suffocation.

He had not appeared.

Morro listened in horror to the silence around him, from the same place where he had fallen the day before.

'I lost him... he hates me..'

The wind had become cold, sharp, beginning to hurt him, making visible signs on the human side of him that could be seen a little in its incomplete form of wind.

'I deserve it... fully.'

He closed his eyes, letting the depressing, brutal wind in him to hurt him.

The fifth day after suffocation.

A sphere created of sadness, despair, hatred of oneself and other thoughts and feelings that Morro could not decipher, is created overnight in that cell filled with pain.

The wind became uncontrollable and brutal minute by minute. No one touched him or approached at all. They did not know what was happening to him if he had succeeded, but they were interested in his evolution, in the evolution of his inexplicable pain for them.

Surprisingly, Kai hadn't found out about this. He hadn't heard anything about it. If he had, he would have been with him already.

The sixth day after suffocation.

"It's ok.. it's ok! I knew this relationship will not stay.. It's OK!! It's ok..! It's ok..!"

If you went inside, you could feel yourself running out of oxygen. He was cold, sharp, brutal, full of sadness and other negative emotions in him. You could tell that his condition was slowly getting worse. A broken heart is the deadliest, it can kill you easily, slowly... but lethally.

The seventh day after suffocation.

The wind stopped a little. The sphere slowly evaporates overnight. Morro now possessed wounds on his skin, and others would soon accompany them.

The eighth day after suffocation.

The wind subsided, leaving a windless owner with no strength or hope in him. He stared blankly into the outside of the cell.

"Heh.." A small shattered smile appeared on his lips. "He hates me.. hehe.. he..."

However, some of him zealously refused. In his mind.. come as if by a miracle the desire to go to him the next day, at least to see him..

The ninth day after suffocation.

Morro had had enough, having the courage to escape containment. There had been gusts of wind. The gusts were sluggish. They were not fast and agile as usual, they were wounded and easy to catch.

Crossing the hallways to Nya's cell, there.. he had seen Kai with his sister. Morro felt himself suffocate again with fear, but he was also calm that Nya was better.

He approached her, slowly playing powerlessly with her hair.

Kai felt something strange suddenly enter the atmosphere of the cell. He look around for that. Nothing. When he returned, he could see how his sister's hair was lightly beaten by the wind.

He sighed.

He realized who was, it wasn't that hard. He was trying to remember/count how many days he hadn't spoken and seen Morro. Nine days.. nine days. There were many. What if Morro hadn't appeared now? Would he have continued to avoid him?

He sighed again.

"Morro, I know you're here. Come out. You don't have to hide." He said calmly.

The Soul of the Wind perishes for short seconds. It didn't matter how calm or gentle Kai's voice was, how he was.. he was scared. He become visible.

Kai looked at him for a while. Something was... off. But he didn't know what. He couldn't see what was it.

"Morro, I.. I'm sorry I didn't stop by your cell. I wanted to calm down.. I knew that my sister's suffocation was not intentional, it was forced.. but I felt like I was getting mad there."

'Because of me... It's my fault!'

"Angry that you were forced to do this and because Nya was in pain, not at you." He finishes, now looking at Morro's own scared and guilty eyes. "No... don't tell me you thought- Morro.. Oh no, no, no! I'm not angry at you, hey."

Morro could no longer control his emotions. No longer hearing the voice of his love, he wanted to cry there, to run, to disappear from the face of the earth. That's not because of his destabilized emotions.

The wounds were visible. Kai hadn't noticed them, he was too worried about Morro's emotional state. But Nya.. YES. She put her hand to her mouth in shock, she couldn't believe what she saw.

"Morro," Kai continued.. until he looked closely at Morro's appearance. "What.. what happened to you..?! Why- " He had taken his hands, still looking at the wounds. "You would... no.. you wouldn't do that. You wouldn't do that. Right? Morro, right? Right?!"

Morro looked down, nodding. Kai felt that he had made a huge mistake to stay away from his love for so long, especially after what happened...

"Nya.. can I.."

"Of course. Go." Nya understood what he wanted to say, and she agreed. He also wanted Morro to be emotionally well.

"Thanks."

He took his boyfriend from one place to another. Kai sat down, and Morro sat down next to him. He would usually put his head on the fiery shoulder and hold his hand. But now Morro was afraid to do it. What if it hurt him too? He would not forgive himself till his death.

Kai took Morro's hand in his, squeezing it slowly. "Hey, I love you. I'm not leaving you, I'm here.. with you."

Morro stared at him, feeling that pain in his heart again. He leaned over Kai, slowly tucking his head under his neck. The gusts of wind were just as weak.. but gentle.

"Everything's fine.. okay?"

Morro approves with a kiss, after.. they start to enjoy each other..

After Nine Days After Suffocation.

[writer-ish]

makai

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Dr. Brooke Spiers) Word Count: 3.4k Rating: 18+ (NSFW - minors dni) Author's Note: makai (mah-kigh) - one of the four key directions on Oahu, but used on all Hawaiian Islands; makai means "toward the ocean".

Premise: A follow-up fic to this text exchange. Ethan and Brooke meet for a little pre-planned Hawaiian rendezvous.

Hey, I’m here. Where you at?

Brooke taps out the message on her cell phone, keeping one eye on the almost-empty lobby.

It's late now - late for check-in, late for milling around, late, it seems, for Hawaii itself - and she'd be lying to herself if she said she wasn't feeling a bit sleepy—a bit like, maybe, she should be getting up for a six AM shift in Boston after having gotten a good seven hours of sleep the night before?

Rather than waiting for her elderly boyfriend to meet her for a late-night swim - and a little more, hopefully - after sleeping a total of five half-lucid hours on an airplane in the last twenty-four hour period.

She's about to text him again, when she hears a voice from behind her.

"Christ, enough with the texting already."

Whirling around, she can't help the grin that splits her cheeks at the sight of him. Without responding, she throws her arms around his neck, squeezing him in an impromptu hug. His hair is a little damp and appears freshly washed and there's the sharp, pleasant, and familiar smell of his cologne that she inhales when she presses her body to his.

He seems almost nonplussed at her public and spontaneous affection, his arms staying at his sides for a beat longer than they should, before he returns her embrace. She giggles as he even takes her for a half spin, kissing her neck before setting her down, hands lingering at her hips.

"Well, aren't you in a good mood," he comments, a smile playing at the corners of his lips.

She shrugs, giving him a cheeky grin. "It's nice to see you. Plus," she adds, taking his hand and interlocking her fingers with his as she starts to walk, "I'm in vacation mode, so you're going to a get a much better version of me for the next few days."

He allows her to lead him out of the lobby and to the stone pathway that will eventually take them down to the beach.

"I like the version I get at home," he remarks once they're in the open air, which smells like hibiscus and coconut and the reminiscent warmth of the sun still emanating from the stones.

As they walk, he tugs her closer and puts his arm over her shoulders. She smiles up at him as she wraps her arm around his waist. He returns it, staring down at her with an inscrutable look, but one that causes a bloom of warmth to start in her chest and work its way outwards.

"It's nice to be somewhere different, though." Resting her head on his shoulder, they continue to amble down the path. "I like us at home, too, but…" She trails off with a shrug. "We work a lot. And don't see each other outside of work enough. I mean, I thought with you suspended I'd at least get a date night, then you had to go and get your freaking job back!"

He throws his head back and laughs, a loud, head-shaking, self-deprecating thing.

"Oh god, I've really done you wrong, haven't I?"

"Yes!" she insists, though she can't stop her own giggles. "Not even a dinner out. Our first movie in months was on the private jet that Vik got me."

Ethan rubs his chin thoughtfully. "I haven't gotten you a private jet yet?"

"Nope." Her hair tosses against her cheeks as she shakes her head, unable to keep the smile off her face. She loves teasing him, she loves being away with him, she loves—she cuts her thoughts short and focuses on their banter. "For shame, sir."

He glances at her and she sees the heat in his gaze as she calls him "sir". She bites her lip and looks up at him innocently. His eyes go from hers down to her lip in an instant and she laughs again.

"You're like one of Pavlov's dogs, I swear." Breaking free from him, she jogs lightly ahead of him down the path, her sandals slapping the pavement with her movements. "Anyway, your old bones are slowing me down. Keep up!" She takes off towards the beach, her sundress whipping around her legs, even as she can hear his bit off curse from behind her.

"I'm not running!" he calls, his voice growing distant as she puts more space between them.

"Your loss!" she yells over her shoulder, before turning around and jogging backwards to tease him even more. She screams as she sees him gaining speed quickly and her shrieks turn into hysterical giggles as he ducks down and lifts her effortlessly over his shoulder, continuing on without breaking his stride.

She buries her face in the thin cotton of his shirt so that she doesn’t wake up all the other sleepy inhabitants of their resort with her giddy snorts, especially when he playfully smacks her butt as he carries her steadily to the beach. Soon, she feels his steps change as his feet sink into the soft sand.

"Wow." His voice is soft and, even though it's coming from somewhere near her rump, it still carries over to where she is, hanging securely off his shoulder.

"I want to see!" She squirms and he grips her bottom, holding her still as he reaches up with his other hand. She feels him wriggle his finger under the heel strap of her sandals and she stills, waiting as he removes first one and then the other. Leaning forward, he places her down gently and she immediately wiggles her toes in the warm, fine sand before whirling around to take in the view.

"Oh, wow," she breathes as well, because truly there isn't another word for it.

The moonlight reflects off the dark surface of the waves, illuminating the gentle ebb and flow of the tide. Dark shadows on the horizon appear to be mountains or something in the distance - she hadn't had a chance to check out the beach in the daytime upon their arrival, so she's just seeing it now for the first time, perhaps not in all its colourful splendour, but still, majestic and beautiful in its own right.

And the stars - Brooke can't remember the last time she'd seen so many of them. They sparkle in the inky blue firmament like someone had tossed an infinity of tiny diamonds on a velvet tray. She breathes in the salty sweet air deeply as her and Ethan take in the view together, silently, for a moment.

"Thank you for asking me to come here with you," Ethan says quietly, eyes still on the sea and the sky. "I didn't realize how much I needed this… this quiet beauty. This moment of serenity."

She quirks a smile at him, taking his hand in hers. He looks down at their intertwined fingers and then back up at her face, his eyes warm and soft, the pale blue glistening in the moonlight.

"I did," she tells him simply with a little shrug, still smiling up at him.

He looks at her for another beat, his eyes conveying a message that only her heart understands, then he turns to her, stroking her cheek softly with his knuckles, before leaning in to place a soft kiss on her lips.

She cups his cheeks in her hands and returns it, keeping it soft, sweet, open-mouthed and warm. After a moment, she pulls back and looks up at him, the smile back on her face. It’s silly, but it almost feels like a permanent fixture tonight; one she can't get rid of even if she tries.

He’s watching her again, eyes heavy and heated, even in the glowing light of the moon. He slides his thumbs over her cheekbones in a light caress. "Brooke, I—"

Even though they’ve gone down this road many times before - the incomplete sentences, the longing looks, the words that are felt but not said - Brooke still feels her breath catch and her heart rate increase as she waits.

They stay suspended like that for a moment, the waves and the moon their only companions, when suddenly the call of a night bird, tropical and unfamiliar, breaks them from their reverie.

Ethan looks up and Brooke looks away, disappointed - though not surprised - that the moment got away from them again without any new revelations.

“Looks like we have company,” Ethan remarks, his voice carefully composed, even as he pulls her closer, rubbing her bare arms with his hands.

“Well,” Brooke replies, still determined to make this a good night, “as long as our only company is avian...” She pulls away from him, reaching up and teasing at the straps of her sundress. “What do you say we go for a swim?”

Biting back a smirk, he looks back and forth across the long expanse of beach. Her gaze follows his, ensuring along with him that they truly are alone. As much as she thrives on the spontaneity of a moment like this, she'd rather not have any of their colleagues - or any guest for that matter - see her naked. Which is exactly what she plans on being in due course.

“Looks pretty quiet.” His gaze locks in on hers again. “No?”

She nods, teeth catching at her bottom lip as she slowly backs up towards the water, pulling the straps of her dress down to fall on her upper arms. “Indeed it does, Dr Ramsey.” She pulls one arm out and then the other, leaving the dress clinging to the tops of her breasts. She continues to step backwards until her feet hit the shoreline, warm, frothy waves caressing her ankles. She laughs in delight and looks down, sliding around in the wet sand.

Ethan is closing in on her, his shirt already off. She sees he’s holding her sandals and his shoes in one hand, shirt slung over his arm.

“How’s the water?” he asks, though his eyes are still on the beach, as though he’s looking for something.

When she realizes his apparent destination, she can't help but shake her head fondly - he's walked over to one of the resort chairs, stacked up neatly for the evening, and is placing their shoes and his shirt on the pile.

Heaven forbid they get sand on them, she thinks, unable to stop the swell of affection she feels for her fastidious man.

Making her way over to him, she shimmies the dress up and over her head.

“Space for one more thing?” she asks innocently waiting for him to turn to look at her.

When he does, she gets immediate gratification at his dumbstruck look.

She had foregone a bra completely, so she watches as he takes her in from head to toe, nipples already stiffening in the exposed night air and under his gaze. She'd also pulled out the "special occasion" underwear, a lacy, boy-cut confection that she knew he'd appreciate.

And by the look in his eyes, he seems very appreciative.

Smiling cheekily, she shimmies down the underwear as well, tossing it to him before wading further into the water.

For all her bravado, standing stark naked on a public beach for longer than thirty seconds stretches the limits of her comfort, so it feels nice to seek both warmth and privacy in the languid tropical waves.

She had almost been worried that the water would be cold, but instead it's the perfect temperature - just nice enough to submerge herself in without feeling like she's entering a frigid bath. She wades out a bit deeper until the water just skims the top of her breasts and she turns in time to see Ethan entering the water.

Her heart picks up speed as she admires him, his naked, muscular body limned by the moonlight, walking into the ocean like some sort of reverse Poseidon, his eyes fixated on her and her alone.

Brooke shivers in a way that has nothing to do with water temperature, goosebumps lifting the fine hairs on her arms as she waits for him to get to her. The anticipation is sweet, but not as sweet as seeing him up close, smiling down at her as he collects her in his arms.

Their naked bodies slide together and she instinctively wraps her legs around his waist, feeling his arousal at the crux of her body. She kisses his neck, his jaw, his cheek, as his hands glide down to her bottom to lift her higher.

"This is nice," she murmurs, twining her arms tighter around his neck.

He hums in agreement, stroking her back up and down with one hand as they quietly watch the moon ripple on the horizon.

"I love touching you like this." He presses a kisses to her shoulder, squeezes her tighter. "If I could keep you this way, naked, pressed up against me, your skin on mine—if I could hold you like this forever, I would do it."

"Might be difficult to get work done." Her response is flippant, but his words have struck a chord deep inside her and her heart twangs painfully at the implications.

He snorts. "I don't care. Who needs work."

She pulls back to look at him, affecting a look of shock. "I'm sorry, who are you, and what have you done with Dr. Ethan Ramsey?"

He shakes his head, burying his face in her neck. When he speaks again, his words are muffled against her skin. "Dr. Ramsey has learned more in the past three years than in any of the previous years combined." He pulls back to look at her, one hand still holding her against him securely, the other pushing her damp waves back from her face. "Learned and grown and just—" He shakes his head before continuing. "Just tried to be better. To do better. Thanks to you." He kisses her and she can taste the salt on his lips.

"I can't take all the credit," she whispers against his mouth as they pull apart after a beat.

"Why not?" he whispers back, pressing another salty kiss to her lips. "You do it all the time at work anyway."

"Hey—!" She pulls away indignantly. "It's not my fault I’m the only one who can actually solve our cases—"

He laughs loudly and spins her around, making her lose track of her indignation as she dissolves into helpless giggles.

The warm water swirls over their bodies and she tightens her arms and legs around him. Her giggles inadvertently turn into a soft moan as she feels him, hard against her centre, settled right between her spread legs.

He tucks a kiss below her ear, nipping lightly at her pulse. "I want you so bad," he murmurs, sucking gently on the spot where he bit.

"So what are you waiting for," she breathes, her head lolling back as her hips move restlessly, her body stroking wetly against his length.

"Not in here," he groans, "the bacteria—not good for your—" He grunts as she presses more tightly against him, continuing to rub intimately in a way that has them both moaning.

"Have I ever told you—" She gasps, her breath coming out in short pants. "—how hot it is when you say the word 'bacteria' during sex?"

His response is a muffled groan into her shoulder as her jerky movements become more frantic, chasing the climax that has been inevitable since the first touch of salt water on her bare skin.

It's an odd sensation, the languid warmth of the ocean surrounding them while a different, more intimate, kind of wetness grows between. She misses the feel of him inside her during a moment like this, but there is something strangely, captivatingly erotic about making love this way. Their bodies sliding together in a new sort of intimacy, his rigid heat captured between her velvety folds.

“Ethan, I—” Her voice catches and his fingers tighten on her bottom, holding her to him in a way that hits that exact spot she needs it to. "Ah—ah!" She feels her muscles clench as a wave of pleasure crests…then crashes down over her. She lets out a moan, throwing her head back, the movement lifting her half out the water. Her nipples hit the cooler night air as her breasts emerge from the sea, and the feel of it in contrast to her climax sends prickles of sensation across her skin.

Ethan ducks down, kissing between her breasts as his hips jerk and finally still. He lets out a long groan through clenched teeth and she feels a bloom of warmth between them as she holds his head tightly against her chest. She can feel her heart pounding and his heartbeats echo hers from where his chest is pressed, closer to her stomach.

They hold each other for a protracted beat, the only sounds the crashing waves and their ragged breaths.

"Would you consider that," she finally says, still slightly breathless, "acceptable for my pH balance?"

He snickers deeply into her skin as he wraps his arms around her tighter before releasing her slowly. She allows her body to dip back and float leisurely on the bobbing waves. Letting out a contented sigh, she looks up at the stars, her eyes catching on a streak of light separate from the rest.

"Look!" She sits up quickly and grabs Ethan's arm, pointing at the sky.

He looks up as well and they watch as two, three stars make a quick descent from their position, a trail of sparkles in their wake.

"I've never seen a shooting star," she breathes, mesmerized.

He doesn't reply, so after a minute she glances over at him. He's staring at her, a soft smile tilting the corners of his lips. She can't see his face that well, even in the bright glow of an almost-full moon, but she recognizes the gentleness in his expression, the curve of his cheek as the shadow of a dimple barely appears.

She loves him so much.

She loves him so much that her heart aches with it, like a balloon that's about to pop or a cup that's overflowing.

She loves him for all his flaws, for all his hubris, for the ways he tries to be so good, and for all the ways he fails.

Her eyes well up as she looks at him, the words yearning to tumble from her lips. To tell him that she's always on his side. That he's hers, no matter what. There's no one else and there never will be.

That this is it, for her.

Instead she smiles back at him, albeit a little tremulously, and she leans forward, pushing off with her feet as she wades back to the shore.

He follows her quietly and they dress quickly, clothes awkward and difficult to tug onto their still-wet bodies.

As she grabs her sandals and goes to walk, he grabs her hand to stop her and pulls her into his arms.

They stand there for a bit, quiet and still, and Brooke feels all the little moments that have brought them here swirling around them in a hopeful nostalgia; the promise of things to come, built on a foundation of what they've surpassed.

"Time to sleep?" She looks up at the rumbling sound of his voice, blinking her eyes tiredly without even having realized just how tired she was.

"Mmm," she agrees, pulling away. "Your room or mine?"

He looks askance at her and she groans good-naturedly. "Fine, we'll be good. But see if you last more than one night without me. Just see!" She pokes his shoulder and grins at him and he catches her hand and holds it tightly against his chest, over his heart.

"Meet me for coffee tomorrow morning?" He brings her hand up to his lips and presses a kiss to the palm. "Hawaii has the best—"

"Yes, yes, I know, you talked my ear off about it on the plane, I remember." She shakes her head. "You're so boring I literally don't know how I stand you."

He grins at her and shrugs good-naturedly as they begin the slow walk back to the resort. "I try not to tempt fate too often by asking that very same question."

"Probably for the best." She tilts her head onto him and he drapes his arm around her shoulders. They meander down the path, away from the ocean, in comfortable silence.

She knows, deep down, how he feels about her. And if the final show of her loyalty to him is for her to wait until he's ready to tell her, well, then—

She'll wait.

[moonflowerlesbians]

Jamie is trying to ignore the new au pair. She doesn't need to fall for this beautiful and straight girl. But then Flora asks her to clean the pool after months without using it because "it's a perfectly hot and beautiful day and we need to have a pool party. And you're invited too".

Dani. The pool. Bikini. Jamie doesn't know how to react to this, so she decides to keep ignoring her. But she can bet Dani is looking at her... A bit too much.

took me a second but I offer you almost 3000 words as penance. also I sort of extended it because it's apparently impossible for me to write pure fluff.

AO3 link in reblog if that's your preference :)

~~~

“Ah, yeah, it’ll be perfectly splendid,” Jamie grumbles between pants, yanking the tie of the pool cover over one shoulder with a huff. “Sure, perfectly splendid to swim in. Have t’ get it clean first. Can’t just jump in.”

At half eight in the evening, she’d been trying to beat the bizarre heatwave that had befallen the English countryside, but she’s failing rather spectacularly if the moisture gathering at her hairline is any indication. She swipes an arm across her forehead and listens to the faint chatter from the open sitting-room window, where the other grown members of the household bask in the glorious company of electric fans. Meanwhile, Jamie swelters away the evening spraying down pool filters and vacuuming leaves from the tile floor because someone had the bright idea to remind an eight-year-old that she has access to a pool.

“Oh, please, Jamie, please!” Flora had pleaded, practically bouncing out of her seat at the dinner table and coming terrifyingly close to tipping several drinks onto Hannah’s pristine tablecloth. “It’s dreadfully hot and a beautiful day, and we simply must have a pool party.” She had gasped so abruptly that Dani nearly dropped her fork, Jamie noted with a subtle grin. “We’ll all have a pool party! And Owen can make sandwiches, and Mrs. Grose can bring picnic blankets, and you must come, too, Jamie, won’t you please?”

Then Jamie had made the poor decision to lock eyes with Dani from across the table. The desperation plainly written across her face had been enough to convince Jamie to concede with a faux exhale of annoyance.

Thus, the weary gaze of a haggard au pair run ragged by herding two children indoors is the reason Jamie finds herself skimming the pool’s surface for any leaves and algae that managed to weasel beneath the cover when she should be driving home.

“Sorry,” a voice comes from behind her, “I’m the one who planted the idea in her head.”

Jamie turns to find Dani, a glass in either hand, peering at her with the expression of a woman who is half-tempted to change places and take up the skimmer herself simply to have a moment to herself.

“S’alright, needed to be done anyway. Won’t be ready until at least tomorrow,” Jamie sighs, accepting the proffered glass with a grateful nod. “Kids tired of being cooped up?”

Dani puffs out a laugh that says, you don’t know the half of it. “You’d think they don’t have a house the size of my old school to explore.”

“Bet they haven’t even found half the secret passages,” remarks Jamie over the smooth rim of her glass. Dani sips from hers, and Jamie endeavors to ignore the bob of her throat as she swallows.

“The what?” The wrinkles that appear on Dani’s forehead are surprisingly charming. Too charming. Jamie shoos the thought away before it can land.

“C’mon, Poppins. House this size? This old? There at least have to be servants’ tunnels.”

“Have… have you found any?”

Jamie hums noncommittally, noting the way Dani shifts her weight on her heels as if she cannot bear the thought of standing still. “Did you come out here just for this?”

“Partly, yes, but,” she lowers her voice, “I really just needed to get away from the kids for a few minutes. Owen’s got them playing a board game, thank God, and after that, I can put them to bed. I adore them, but sometimes…” she shrugs.

“We all need space,” Jamie finishes, a bit more brusque than she intended, which she chalks up to the evening hour and the heat, and Dani takes a step back. Shit. “Meant to say,” Jamie salvages with a wince, “it’s nice to be alone sometimes.” She grimaces, doing her best to focus on the cool glass in her hand rather than the heat in her face and the flutter low in her belly.

“I know what you meant,” Dani says softly. Then, after a moment’s pause spent glancing from Jamie to the pool and back again, “You need any help out here?”

Jamie raises an eyebrow. “Lookin’ for excuses to avoid work, are we?”

“No, no, I, um… No?”

“Relax, Dani,” Jamie chuckles, setting her empty water cup down in the grass. Dani visibly settles. “If you’d like to drag the garden hose over, we’ll need to rinse the filters.”

“Got it,” Dani says seriously, and she practically marches to the nearest hose rack as Jamie watches with a quirk of the lips. The au pair completes tasks as if the world will fall apart if they remain incomplete a moment longer. It’s a quality Jamie admires in her, the passion and fervor with which she undertakes the seemingly mundane tasks in her life. Jamie also finds herself mildly amused by the way Dani stalks across the property like she might break into a run at any moment, always on high alert. Always tense.

Might be nice to see her take a full breath for the first time in her life.

Might be nice to see her at ease.

Might be nice to see her relax.

Very nice, indeed, it turns out.

Almost too nice, two days later, the way Dani lounges on a patio chair she’d dragged to the poolside, with a book in her hand and one leg propped on the seat.

Too nice, the way her hair looks beneath a sun hat, casting dappled shadows over the tip of a tongue poking out between pursed lips as she turns a page.

Too nice, the way she lowers her sunglasses over her nose to keep an eye on the children splashing and shrieking in the water.

Too nice, in fact, far too nice for Jamie, who tries and repeatedly fails to keep her gaze off pale, freckled skin and eyes as blue and clear as the water. She can’t sit still. Can’t seem to cease the bouncing of a leg or the rote twirling of hair between twitching fingers. Can’t seem to stop flitting from superfluous task to superfluous task long enough to catch her breath, stolen against her will each and every time she catches a flash of exposed skin dancing in the midday sun.

But the worst part, by far, is when she looks at Dani… Dani is looking back. Four times now, Jamie has cast a fleeting glance at the lazing au pair only to find her peering at Jamie with equal intensity.

Odd, Jamie thinks, fiddling with the stem of a bush a few meters away from the pool, to catch Dani staring so often. But coincidences have been stranger, she decides, chalking it up to amicable concern. She can’t allow herself to dwell on the occurrence. Too many possibilities that open doors to too much trouble. Far more trouble than Dani is worth.

But what if… a niggling voice at the back of her head chides.

No, Jamie reminds herself with a mental kick and an outward shake of her head. She had a fiancé.

Hannah sits with her trousers rolled to her knees, ever one for modesty, with her legs dangling in the shallow end of the pool, while Owen and the kids do everything short of pulling the poor housekeeper in the water to utterly drench her. Hannah, to her credit, is taking their antics in stride, no doubt due to the mustachioed mastermind currently huddled with two overeager children.

The promise to Flora had been a pool party, and, never one to give up on her goals once they were set in her mind, the girl had hounded the adults with unrelenting chipperness until, one by one, they had been worn down. Which is surely the only reason Jamie hovers at the edge of the pool deck in an oversized t-shirt tied at the waist and old running shorts--the only sort of swimsuit she could throw together on short notice.

“Thought I might get in. Care to join me?”

Slender legs enter Jamie’s field of vision, then Dani is only paces away, a hand resting on one hip. She’s removed her hat, left to save her empty seat, and her sunglasses rest atop her forehead, pushing her hair out of her face and onto her shoulders. Her cornflower-blue swimsuit hugs her figure, and Jamie forces her eyes up, her throat terribly dry. She swallows thickly.

“May as well.”

Dani leads the way to the water’s edge, dipping one painted toenail into the water and producing a satisfied noise. She turns to Jamie standing a few feet behind and sweeps the sunglasses from her head, shaking her hair out. “Hold these for me?”

Wordlessly, Jamie delicately grasps one temple of the white plastic frame as Dani steps forward, her arms over her head, hands meeting in a V-shape. The hidden muscles in her back ripple, and she executes an elegant plunge into the pool, emerging with a gasp and a whoop of elated laughter. A smattering of applause rises from the opposite end of the pool, the others having apparently stopped their scheming long enough to watch Dani’s flawless--at least in Jamie’s opinion--swan dive.

“Oh, Miss Clayton, that was splendid!” Flora’s shrill voice chirps.

Hannah remarks, clearly impressed, “I had no idea we had a professional in our midst."

“I’d hardly say professional,” Dani says with a modest roll of her eyes. The water swirls where she treads. She pushes water-darkened hair from her eyes. Then, to Jamie, she explains, “I was on the community pool swim and dive team for a few summers before I could get a job.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Jamie replies. She passes the sunglasses to Dani’s outstretched hand and takes a seat on the sun-warm grey concrete at the edge of the pool. Dani swims up and places crossed arms beside Jamie on the deck, resting her chin on the intersection and looking up at Jamie. Lean legs kick out behind her into crystalline depths, and golden sunlight refracts in the water, bathing beneath the surface in an ethereal glow.

“You’re not getting in?” Dani asks.

“Not the biggest fan of water, if I’m honest,” Jamie confesses nonchalantly, as if by some miracle this admission will end the conversation.

No, Dani’s desire to learn, to understand, is far too intense for that. It’s another quality of hers Jamie admires, even if it feels as though she’s laying herself bare by sharing the tiniest details under her scrutiny.

“I knew plenty of kids afraid of the water back in the day,” Dani says easily, tracing lines in the small puddle that has formed from the droplets on her skin, “it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“‘S not that. I just,” Jamie searches, somewhat defensively, struggling to convey the message without saying the words that reveal a weakness she is loath to expose. Her silence evidently speaks volumes.

“Jamie,” Dani says quietly, a furrow forming between her brows, “can you swim?”

Damn those observant eyes, that sharp mind.

Jamie looks away, shrinks just a little, scoffs with false bravado, “‘Course I can swim.” Then, “Can paddle… float….” Heat rises in her already flushed cheeks, and she picks at the skin surrounding the cuticle on her thumb.

“It’s… You know it’s okay if you can’t, right?” And Dani’s voice is soft, so soft, a murmur really, a whisper that makes Jamie’s heart ache. It keeps the sound from carrying across the pool as it does hold Jamie in her destitution.

She thinks back to a childhood of coal dust and dirty sofa beds and scavenging for food. Thinks of summers spent doing odd jobs to pay the rent, of sleeping on the porch because it was cooler out there than in the house. Thinks of covering herself with as much clothing as she could despite the rising temperatures to fend off roving eyes, to appear a larger threat than a scrawny eleven-year-old girl actually was. Thinks of boiling pots and scalding showers spent scrubbing her skin clean, as though maybe if she rubbed hard enough, the memories would wash away with the grime. Circle the drain once, twice, and disappear forever.

“Never really learned, I s’pose,” Jamie forces a weak laugh. “Didn’t have anyone really keen on teachin’ me.”

Dani is quiet for a moment. “I could.”

“Could what? Teach me? ‘S not your problem to worry about, Poppins.” The thought nearly sends her mind into overdrive. Nescience of an essential life skill is ignominious enough, but to have Dani bear witness to the reality is unthinkable.

“Well, sure it is,” Dani shakes her head, affronted at the mere notion. “What would we do if you fell in and drowned? Someone needs to keep Owen in line.”

Jamie notes the ‘we’ in her statement. We need you. Not I. Distinctly not I, Jamie repeats to herself. She fidgets with the knot in her t-shirt.

“Already told you I can paddle. I’d be fine.”

“Still.” Dani is staring up at her with a pointed look. She has the glint in her eye that Jamie recognizes from the instances Dani deems it necessary to hold her ground with Miles or persuade Flora to clean up her dolls at the end of a long day. She will not give in.

“You’re not going to let this go, are you?” Jamie raises an eyebrow, approaching Dani’s determination as one might a chest of buried treasure, hesitant, disbelieving, a bit curious.

Dani shakes her head again, the ghost of a smirk upturning the corner of her lips.

A beat, during which Jamie’s thoughts wage war amongst themselves. One team screams at her to take the opportunity to spend time with the woman that another batch reminds her is not interested in the least. Another group acknowledges the practical benefits of developing a skill beyond aimless paddling, while another still acknowledges the persistent flutter in her stomach.

At last, “Reckon you’ll be putting that fancy teaching degree to use again,” Jamie acquiesces with a sigh. “Doubt this is what you signed up for, though.”

“I know exactly what I signed up for.” There’s a mischievous lilt to Dani’s words that sends a bolt of feverish perplexion through her. Dani pulls back from the side of the pool and holds out her hands. “We can get started right now.”

Jamie must look as if she’d rather snip off a finger with her garden shears than get in the water because Dani laughs.

“Or not,” she says with a sincere smile, and she ducks back under the water before popping up at Jamie’s feet, wiping the water from her eyes.

“I’d rather not embarrass myself in front of the kids,” Jamie says with a chuckle. “Lord knows I’ve never done that before, and I don’t intend on starting now.” It’s a half-truth. The real issue stems from the moderately disconcerting realization that breathing on land is hard enough with Dani so close, and Jamie really isn’t keen on finding out what will happen if she tries to slip underwater.

A brief flash of her sputtering to the surface, limbs flailing in all directions, crosses her mind, and she shakes it away.

A whooping from the opposite end of the pool catches her attention, and she looks up.

It seems whatever Owen and the children plotted had worked. Hannah is, much to her presumed consternation, sopping wet from head to toe, though she merely wrings out her blouse and kicks a lighthearted splash back at the children, who, having completed their mission, slink out of the pool and wrap themselves in paisley towels.

“Finished already?” Dani calls, and Flora nods from the deck, a yawn splitting her face despite the clock only reading three in the afternoon. “I’ll be right there!” She turns back to Jamie, says softly, “Another time?”

Jamie nods. “Another time.”

Then, Dani is off, gathering her things and herding the children back across the stretch of grass and into the house, leaving Jamie to watch in delirious bewilderment as her heart pounds far faster than it ought to, given the situation. And yet, Jamie cannot fault it, nor can she calm her racing pulse, though she tries.

Dani is the cause, she knows. Dani is always the cause, and no amount of fervent internal reminders seem to dull her effect. No incalculable quantity of mutterings about ex-fiancés will stop Jamie’s breath from catching when Dani settles down for dinner. No collection of whispered slim chanceswill convince a weak heart to cease its clamant pattering at the sight of a column of silky skin. No platitudes can dissuade Jamie’s longing soul from going against her better judgment, from going against her learned experiences that say this will only lead to heartbreak.

Love is sink or swim, she has learned, and Jamie has been treading water, head just barely above the surface, for far, far too long. Dani has offered to hold her hand, quite literally, to guide her through the risk, if only Jamie will make a move to reach out. Perhaps… Perhaps, Dani can guide her to shore to rest among sand beaches and good company. Perhaps, Dani will not let go along the way.

Another time, then.

Another time, yes. But soon. Soon, because Jamie is rapidly growing weary of condemning her wayward heart to fruitless excitement, of shutting a thing down before it can even begin, like cutting down a sapling before it emerges from a seed.

It’s sink or swim, and, at last, Jamie chooses to swim.

[ssa-sugar-tits]

Last Words

Request: this one

Spencer Reid x Reader where they both get shot and think they’ll die in eachothers arms and confess feeLinGs and than wake up in the hospital👀

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Bau!Reader

Content warnings: near death, blood, gunshot wounds, hospital, murderer mention

"Put your hands where I can see them." Spencer inches closer and closer to the unsub while you cover him from behind. You know you should've waited for backup, but you couldn't risk letting this guy get away. First mistake.

"Bryce, my name is Agent Y/L/N. We just want to talk to you about what you did. Put the gun down like Dr. Reid asked and we can do this peacefully."

What was certain from the profile was that he wouldn't give himself up, no matter what. You and Spencer decided to stall him until the rest of the team got there. Second mistake.

"We know what your mother did to you. It was awful, nobody deserves that. But killing these women isn't the answer. Agent Y/L/N is right, you can still turn yourself in."

The profile didn't give much to go on. It was incomplete and you went to apprehend him anyway. You didn't even consider a partner. Third mistake.

"You killed those women because they-"

You're cut off by the gunshot that pierces your shoulder from behind. You collapse and the world starts to blur. You feel like... well like you've been shot. All you hear are your own screams and Spencer's as he runs to your side, somehow momentarily forgetting there are two psychopaths with guns in the room. Only focusing on you.

"Y/N!" You could see his heart shatter. Tears well in his eyes and he cradles your head in his hands. Crimson blood soaks his vest and covers his arms while you fight to stay with him. He murmurs frantically, voice breaking and heart racing.

"You're going to be okay Y/N. I'm going to get help. You're going to be just fine."

That's when the second unsub laughs and you both turn, suddenly remembering the rest of the situation.

"No Y/N you aren't. And neither is Dr. Reid."

Spencer's grasp on you tightens as she points the gun at him and fires again. His body weight all falls beside you and he struggles, trying to grasp at his phone but it slips right out of his blood soaked hands. Both of your blood starts pooling around you and the two unsubs leave you there to die. Laying on the ground, covered in each other's wounded final state, you know what you have to do.

"Sp-Spence..." Doing your best to ignore the worst pain you'd ever felt, you groan and position yourself to face him. Even in the face of death he was so beautiful. You'd never guess he was thinking the same thing about you while holding on to his final breaths.

"Sa- agh!... Save your... e-energy Y/N." He starts to cough and blood trickles down his jaw. Your chest is tightening and the metallic taste stabs at your tongue, threatening to worsen by the second.

"I... I love you. A-Always have..." You finally admit it to him, after so long. His eyes meet yours weakly and he moves his hand to cup your face. The movement prompts a pained groan from him and a series of soft whimpers.

"I love... I love y-you too. God, I-I always did..."

Trying to muster a smile, you fail and cry his name out of fear.

"Sp-Spencer..."

This is the end. You're forced to accept that this is how you die, on the field in Spencer Reid's arms. There are worse ways to go. Using all the strength he has left, he brings his lips to yours. It's soft. Fragile and delicate at first but quickly escalates. You both scream and wince against each other but this is the last chance you'll ever get to do this. Your mouths meet again, this time Spencer brushes his tongue against your bottom lip begging for entry. Tongues dancing around each other, tasting each other and tears melting together. The two of you try to messily proclaim all the unsaid passion, intimacy, and tension that's built up over the years. Trying to say everything never said in one kiss. Arms wrapped around each other and melting into one another, everything goes black. Spencer's the only one still somehow managing through the pain, his eyes still fluttering barely open. Resting his head against your forehead wishing you'd done things differently. Until the world goes black for him too.

Your eyes open and immediately shut, the bright light blinding you.

"Oh shit. I think I'm dead."

Emily's laughter echos through your ear and you realize you're in a hospital. More alert now, your eyes dart around the room looking for Spencer.

"Where's Reid? Did he make it? Please tell me he did Em."

"Slow your roll babes. He's in the next room, behind that curtain." She motions to a divider hanging in the room. "Morgan's sitting with him. JJ, Hotch, Rossi, and Penelope are outside. I should let them know you're up. I'm glad you're okay Y/N."

"Wait what about the unsubs?" You ask before she goes.

"We got them, I'll explain later. For now though, after the others come and see you we'll let you get some rest." She smiles and goes to get the team. You're peppered with phrases of relief, hugs, and smiles but Spencer still hasn't woken. After what seems like hours, JJ whispers with a nurse and the divider is pulled back. You look at the man you proclaimed your love to while you thought you were dying in his arms, who to your disbelief loved you back. He's the first to speak.

"We have a lot to talk about, don't we?"

"You mean our love confessions and half dead makeout session?"

"Technically the half dead thing isn't entirely accurate, but... yes that is what I was referring to."

"Well now that we're not dying. Take me to dinner?"

Slightly grimacing and rubbing his shoulder, he grins at you.

"I'd love to Y/N."

[arllenn]

image des: I really loved the fact that your brought their past into the light, that you made them actually effected and reflected on it. So often I just see stories focusing on their relationship with the "new" characters (Caesar, Luminous, Johann, The Gen fam) so following that line of thought.

Can I request a flashback scene? Like when we get requested to make it snow (at the beginning of the game) the group of friends reaction to it snowing makes you reflected on your past. In which a fluffy meeting/promise happens between Z, Renata and you. Or even any fluff you can think of between the three? It can be when they were kids or the age they were at during the game.

Admittedly I would love it if you can really focus on Z and the Character interaction/relationship because we all know he cares for Renata; they have that slacker x mother hen childhood friend vibe going on. But the idea that Z and you are ACTUALLY close (it just LOOKS like your friends with Renata and only friendly acquaintances with Z from the outside) makes me happy and bittersweet.

Sorry this got so long!

Tags for this chapter: fluff, hurt no comfort, bittersweetness, pure angst at first tho Tw: mentions of death and cannon typical violence, puke, death Time setting: pre japan like imagine if the mc got an adjustment period at cassell before they got shipped off to dragon war

You smiled happy to be of help to the friends who were separating today. Their cheerful giggles and cries of happiness as they raved over being able to leave on a snowy day just like the one from when they had met made your insides bubble with warmth and nostalgia. Z, Renata and you had been the same once..... before, before Herzog had...

You shake your head, now isn't the time for this. You wring your wrists, it's a habit you picked up from Z, though you two do it for different reasons. You feel a bit light headed, your knees are weak, it's so weird to see snow and not see your beloved friends among it. It just felt wrong to not feel their warmth around you in this cold tempature. The others giggling is getting too loud, it's beggining to ring in your ears and bounce around in your head at the same time as the memories of Renata and Z pour out of your head and spill in front of your eyes. You stiffly walk over to Claudia, left foot, left hand, right foot, right hand. Back and forth back and forth. You want to leave, but it’d feel wrong just going without checking with her.

“We met and departed on a snowy day.” She sounds so happy and while you’re glad that you were able to help them you also can’t help but feel cloying jealousy at the fact that this trio, Claudia, Susu and Leah get to be together, to meet and depart on snowy days filled with joy, while you can’t. You want to be able to see Z and Renata, you want to be able to tease them while jumping for joy and promising to stay in contact. You want to be able to send them off with a smile on your face and a promise to be well.

But you can’t.

And that’s it.

There’s no going back and searching, there’s no making up after an argument, there’s just nothing. Renata is dead Z is dead everyone is dead! And you can’t do anything about it.

Staggering away you start walking towards one of the benches in the courtyard that face the library. To say that you collapse on it would be an understatement. It’s like all the bones in your body liquified then disappeared at that moment. You clench at the snow on the bench, using the all too familiar feeling of it to guide you through your memories. The day you arrived at the orphanage, the first time you met Renata, Z and you arguing over who would get to hold which of Renata’s hands, the day Vera had arrived, so small and only a year old. You remembered her small finger curling around your own while Z helped you readjust how you held her.

Just Renata, Z and you.

But now it’s just you. You clench at your throat, clawing at it as if that’ll destroy the lump forming in it. You bring your knees up to meet with your chest. Burying your head in your arms. It hurts, you want to see them. At this point you’d even take Anton and Khorkina’s belittling of you or even Ivan and Sherkman failing horribly to hide the fact that they were dating over anything else that could possibly occur right now.

Rubbing your face on your knees you try to get rid of the few silent tears that have begun to spill. It doesn’t work, in fact it just makes everything so, so much worse. Memories of your childhood fly by, you’re loosing your grip on reality you know that. You don’t want to do it here. Not on a bench where anyone can see, if you’re completely honest you don’t want to confront them at all. But that isn’t an option, it’s never going to be an option for you, because you’re trying so hard to push them down and stamp them out right now. And it’s not working.

One of the wandering vending machines come up to you, clawed arm holding something in it. You can't see it at all, your line of sight only contains your legs after all, but you can hear the distinctive beeps of the machine, the whirring of its mechanical organs that allow it to move. You can feel the jagged edges of a wrapper lightly scratching at your leg through your uniform. The robot beeps twice shoving the snack into your leg once again before dropping it and skittering off. Lifting your head up you stared down at the snack you had been left with. Maybe the world really does hate you. Maybe you deserve to constantly have your mind ripped at and heart torn apart, because laying there in front of you is a cookie a chocolate chip one at that. The second your eyes land on the bubbly font that spells out chocolate you cant help but watch in horror as Vera falls in front of you, mere feet away, body still warm as she hits the snow, dead. You feel the bile rise in your throat, it isn't something that you can just swallow down either. Hand clapped over your mouth you stand, getting ready to run.

-----------------------------

You have no idea how you've made it back to your dorm room without puking on the way here, but now you're sitting over your toilet dry heaving into it. You stare down at the item that made you like this the choco- you spit into the toilet. Cookie, you'll just refer to it as a cookie. You consider tearing off the top half of the wrapper but then the smell of the cookie and the chocolate might just tip you over the edge. Instead you settle for smacking it away from you. In some small way it makes you feel better.

You hate that Herzog has ruined this for you. You hate that you can’t even see the word chocolate without feeling your insides churn, you hate that you can’t see snow without seeing your friends bloodied corpses staring back at you, eyes glassy and unfocused. Cookies were the first dessert that you had ever tasted and the last one. You remember the day you had first tried to bake them.

That day Z had let you in his room, Renata was sick, and neither of you were allowed to be around her as per Herzogs orders. With the knowledge that you have now you think you understand why you weren’t allowed to see her back then. Rather than actually being ill Renata was probably suffering from the side effects of the incomplete evolution pills. But either way natural disease or not it had been just you and Z. Sitting side by side on his bed, you laying with your torso hanging off his bed partially, practically upside down, and him crisscross leaned up against the wall that his bed bordered, a hand close enough to your leg to catch you if you started to slip. You two had been mindlessly talking, reading some book that you’ve forgotten the name of now, alternating turns each chapter. When you had gotten to a part where the main character was making cookies for their friend as a get well gift.

“Hey Z, have you ever had a cookie? I mean I’ve heard of them but I’ve never even seen one.”

“I can’t say that I have,” he yawned, “I’m not a big fan of sugar in general. That combined with the fact that the orphanage doesn’t even get the ingredients for them makes it obvious that I’d never even have the chance to try them, same as you.”

“That’s too bad, based on the description I think they’d be pretty good. You think Renata has ever had one?”

“I’m not her, I wouldn’t know.”

“I mean fair enough, but I kinda expected that you would, you guys spend forever having those late night talks after you send me to bed.”

You haul yourself up and spin on your ass so that you’re looking him in the eye, “Speaking of~, I won’t allow you to marry my daughter young man!” You cross your arms in an ‘X’ in front of you shaking your head. “Absolutely not don’t think I’ll allow anything of the sort!!”

Snorting he had pushed on your forehead with his finger until you were laying down the same as before and used his foot to roll you away from him. “2/10, If you’re going to give me a shovel talk then you should at least be intimidating, 1, and 2 you should do it in front of Renata so that you can embarrass her, who just gives that kinda talk straight to the supposed,” he raised his hands and gave out finger quotations “boyfriend?”

“Is that back talk I hear sonny? Don’t make me get up there!”

”Yeah because you haven’t already.” You can’t see him from your position but you can hear the smile on his voice. An accomplishment if you’ve ever seen one! You mean the stoic eternally tired Z was snorting and smiling because of what you said! You always loved times like this, when you would manage to break through his exterior and draw out a reaction, (preferably positive!!), out of him. Tapping his knee you grip onto his leg to pull yourself up once more, you can see him contemplating rolling you off the bed, thankfully he chooses peace for once.

”No okay but dead seriously, let’s go make cookies for Renata. We just got the shipments a little while ago, there’s got to be some of the stuff we need in there! We’ll just ask Herzog,”

“Or steal”

“Yes, or steal, come on it’ll be great!”

“Normally Renata would be here to stop you, which I am always grateful for since it means that I don’t have to be the one to talk you out of these things,”

You snap your fingers, “Speed it up Z, do I have a partner or am I gonna have to start running before you catch me?”

He claps a hand over your mouth which you look down at “Don’t you dare lick me,” is what he says in response to your stares. “As I was saying before someone cut me off,” if gives you a pointed stare, “Normally Renata would be here to be the voice of reason, however since she’s ‘sick’ and I don’t want to have her on my neck about you getting in trouble later here are my words of caution,” He takes his hand off your mouth and pats slaps your cheek twice before bringing the tips of his fingers in between the book page that you had been on and the next, folding it over and closing it. “Don’t, and if you do don’t get caught.”

It was your turn to snort, “What the heck, you suggested stealing in the first place!” You laughed. He shrugged his shoulders and set the book down on his bedside table getting up off the bed and bringing his arms above his head to stretch.

”I never said that we weren’t going to steal if that’s what you decide to do I simply offered you a word of advice about you stealing alone.

”AWWWW Z I knew there was a reason I put up with you!” You cried jumping up off the bed and attempting to latch onto his back,

He turned to face you swatting your hands away, muttering about you being “too big for him to carry like that anymore”

“What was that!?”

He pinched your cheek with one hand and used the other to ruffle your hair in a way that you knew wasn’t meant to be affectionate but instead to mess it up. “Look at how big the babies gotten! It can walk and talk now! Go ahead say ‘papa’ again!” You knew that you could never win against Z in a fight, all attempts left you on the floor with him sitting on you, or you hiding behind Renata and you exercising your lying and puppy dog eyes abilities. But boy oh boy did Z have a way of activating your Cain instinct and making you want to slap the shit out of him (affectionately of course). You heaved out a long suffering groan, and pulled Z’s hands off of you. You walked over to where his dresser was and sucked your teeth as you stared at your reflection. You tried your best to undo his damage to your hair, but it was a lost cause, hanging your head you turned to him with what you hoped was a horrifying, knee shaking, earth quaking, chicken baking, glare.

“This is why you’re an orphan.”

“Fair enough.” He said with a shrug before motioning towards the door, are we leaving now or what.”

“I’m coming, we’re going.” You said waving your hand at him in a shooing motion.

The minute you stepped outside it had been like you were ass blasted into one of the shipment containers mega freezers. You rubbed at your arms, lamenting the fact that you lived on a hunk of ice in the middle of a polar bears ass cheeks. “Okaaay so,” you clapped your hands together, “Do we know where Herzog is?” Z yawned and shook his head no from beside you. “Alright thank you for your participation! Gold star! I’ll go ask Anton, you stay here. And don’t fall asleep!” You ran off to go find Anton ignoring Z’s comment about you acting like a stray dog.

Heaving you clutched at the toilet, sobbing over the loss of your friends. You couldn’t even think of the times back then as being over, you just can’t.

No, that’s not right, you know they’re over, you know those peaceful days of snow and teasing are over. And yet you still long for them, you want to feel Z’s hands in your hair once more, want to feel the thrill of catching him off guard and running to hide behind Renata. You want back the times that you had spent, absorbed in watching Vera as she took her first steps, your young self amazed that anyone could ever be so small. You miss those moments when you seriously contemplated smashing Antons face into the ice under your feet, missed the random times when Ivan would pull you away to look at something cool that he had found. You just missed being homeyou miss the safe feeling that you had been provided with daily back then. Ignorance truly is bliss you suppose. If you had survived not knowing about what Herzog had done, if you survived thinking that all of this was just some randoms attack on you and your family would you have been happier? It doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done.

You dry heave and spit into the toilet, bile rising in your throat but not to the point in which it would spill past your lips. Your vision is blurry from the tears and your head throbs with the pain of the pressure your tears are both building up and releasing. “I wanna go home…” you mumble slowly laying yourself down on the floor, hands clutched into your hair, fingers threading themselves in with the strands and pulling at them like a tide. You would yank at your hair then let it all fall out of your grip, massaging your scalp slightly, and then yanking at it again. You continued in this way as the blurry memory of that day played in front of you. Anton being no help, Khorkina doing her best to goad you into punching her, Ivan being somewhere that you swear was unreasonably high up. Eventually finding Herzog and asking him, him granting you permission as long as you cleaned up after yourselves, running back to Z with the good news.

“Z! Z! Listen to this!” He looked up at you from his spot on the stairs, clearly bored out of his mind, but hey at least he hadn’t fallen asleep like you asked!

He made a twirling motion with his hand “What is it?”

You placed your hands on your hips and grinned, “Herzog says we can use the stuff in the kitchen as long as we clean up afterwards!” You gave an overzealous thumbs up afterwards to make your point even clearer.

“That’s great!” He said all too sarcastically. Getting up he put both hands on your shoulders resting all of his weight on them before finally standing up straight shushing you and your whining.

It hurry you so much to know that everyone is gone. It hurts to know that you’ll never get that chance to just see them again, to hear their voices, catch a glimpse of them on the street. Instead they’re all dead and there’s nothing that you can do about it. You had watched everyone die, you had seen their eyes glaze over and go out of focus. You had seen how their blood stained the pure white snow a bright and somber red. You had run past them as you registered them as dead, praying to nothing but everything at the same time that at least one of them would live. That you would get to hold at least one of them in your arms as you two promised to stay with each other. But you didn’t get that. Instead you got to watch as Renata faded into the distance, your last hope, you got to claw through icy waters, pleading your legs to move, to allow you to save your dearest friend….

”Z, Z, Z! Help me I have no idea why the egg keeps cracking like that!”

“Maybe it’s cracking like that because you keep squeezing them until they explode.”

“Don’t use that tone of voice with me young man! I’ll have you know that Dr.Herzog says that I’ve made great progress in my home economics studies.” You proudly bumped your chest with your fist only to look down and see your uniform covered in egg goop. Z snickered before handing you a rag and motioning for you to hand him the bowl and the eggs. You slid it over to him with your elbow and focused on cleaning your hands and uniform up.

”Here,” he held up one of the eggs,”I’ll show you how to crack an egg, so that you don't end up wasting all of them.” He hit it lightly on the edge of the bowl, holding both ends of the egg with his fingers and pulling his palm so that the egg slowly slipped out of the shell before proceeding to throw the shell somewhere off to the side of him. He pushed the bowl back towards you with a smug look on his face. "You get it now?"

"Yep, yep, yep," you waved your hand at him dismissively before turning back to the book. "Okay so now we mix wet ingredients and dry, then we add in the chocolate." Getting the chocolate for the recipe had been the hardest part. With how rare chocolate is at the orphanage and the fact that you weren't allowed into your room because of how sick Renata was it had been hard to find any. Eventually after bribing Z and way too much effort on your part, you had ended up on Z's shoulders searching through the backs of the older and dustier cabinets, in one of which you had found a chocolate bar that was a week off from its expiration date. Not the best but it could've been 10 times worse you suppose. Z pushed the chocolate towards you with this hand before resting his head on his hand.

"So how much longer do we have? It's getting late." Z stifled a yawn.

You glanced at the book and back down at the cookie batter that you were currently scooping out and onto the baking sheet. They didn't hold their shape as well as the book described them as being able to but you supposed that it was just a matter of reality vs. idealized fiction. "Um I don't know. The book says that they need 25 minutes to bake properly and who knows how long its going to take to clean this all up."

"Well good luck with that." He said slapping his hand down on the table, turning around on his stool, and standing up.

Even if it was just the memory of the sound, the slapping of Z's hand on the table sent a wave of nausea scorching through your body. Everything was a blur, reality, what you were really seeing, cold white tile and the rug in front of the shower were blending together with the cold white of snow, the rug that was in you and Renata's cabin. You felt hands on your face, were they from the memory of Renata checking your temperature or were they your own? Your vision was swimming, you were underwater, you were lying on the bathroom floor. You were drowning, you're lying on the bathroom floor. You're dying, you can't see.

You clamored up in a haze, you have to run! You have to get to Renata and Vera and Anton and and and and! And you slam into a desk that was out in the middle of Hezog's lab. Z is right there, Renata is right there, Vera is right there! All you need to do is reach out a little further and you'll be there! You'll be able to save them! You finally latch onto Z's uniform begging him not to go, begging him to stay with you, because if you go alone then everyone will die. "PLEASE Z!" You yell out. "I need you, I need you, I need you, everyone's dying, dead, dying dead, dying, dead, I can't save them! PLEASE!" And then the Z you're holding onto collapses, leaving nothing but a pile of clothes behind. His uniform lies bloodied in your hands. Renata lies bloodied in your hands. Anton lies just out of reach, dead. "Come back, please." You clutch onto Z's uniform harder. The tears don't falter as you trace your hands along the sleeves of the uniform. "The sleeves are too short you should get Herzog to make you a new one." You chuckle fondly. only...

Only...

Only the uniform has too many mistakes for it to have ever been Z's, theres too big a difference in size. It doesn't smell the same. It's not his... it's yours. You're not at the orphanage, you're in your dorm at Cassel. You're sitting on hardwood floors right now, not the powdery snowfall of home. Its warm, not cold, theres no dead bodies, only you and the mess that you made when you stormed through here earlier. You choke on a sob, tears coming down in even thicker streams, your headache had bloomed into a splendid migraine. You can barely see straight, but you know for sure that this isn't anywhere near, by or in the orphanage. And it can never be. The orphanage is gone now. Everyone's bodies are probably still lying on top of the snow, glassy eyes unfocused and unseeing, faces twisted in fear. Or maybe they've been charred to ashes, with nothing left to remember them by, their remains carried by the winds or at the bottom of the sea. You clutch your uniform tighter, biting down on it to muffle your screams and sobbing.

You have no idea how long you've been here. Your tears have faded now, only leaving the uncomfortable burning of the dried tear tracks in their memory. You don't stare at anything in particular, theres nothing left of your emotions, just the dull ache of apathy. Your vision is spotted with dancing black circles and lines. They look a bit like what you imagine TV static would look like but you really have no idea. Your conscious waves and ebbs like the tides from back home. You can't think of anything other than the feeling of the cloth clutched in your embrace right now. Sighing you bury your face in it, resigning yourself to a night on the floor.

[imagineabrighterworld]

Sunshine in the Night pt.4

  It was futile to push through the crowds of students, but you still tried to weasel your way into the heart. There were reporters and students all swarming the front gate, all trying to get into the school for some reason or another.

You just wanted to get through and find your friend.

Somehow you managed to slip between the heated bodies and ran past your fellow students, ignoring their confused faces as you raced up the stairs to the 1-A classroom. You are out of breath, heart thudding against your ribs as you see the students mingling outside the doors. Some were already inside while others lingered outside, talking amongst themselves. Few had signs of injuries, most looked completely fine. The only sign of something having gone on is the vaguely haunted look in the students eyes, the way their eyes shifted about.

You hold a hand to your chest, panting and gulping in breaths. “Toko- Tokoyami!”

A student looks your way, her golden eyes bright compared to her black sclera. “Tokoyami?”

You try again, tears in your eyes, the panic rushing up your throat and curling around your vocal cords like a fist. “Tokoyami! Is he okay?”

The pink skinned girl jogs to you, placing a comforting hand on your back. “Woah there! It's okay. He’s not here yet but he's okay.” She frowns, “This is about the attack two days ago right?” They had closed the school the other day, wanting to go over security protocol before letting the students back on campus.

You nod. Any embarrassment you might have felt about acting so strongly- or strangely to some- was overrun by your worry for your friend. You had been hanging out with him more often, his presence always soothing. He acted dark and mysterious, but he was sweet and courteous. He never judged you when you spoke passionately about your interests, or had too many questions, or even the rare times you had nothing to say at all. He was a good friend.

Hearing about the attack on the U.S.J. with the students of 1-A being at the center of it all shook you to your core. You hadn't thought to exchange numbers with your friend so you had no way of knowing if he made it out safely.

"Look- my name is Mina Ashido by the way- you can stay here with me until he gets here okay?" She strokes your back soothingly, something you greatly appreciated. You were a stranger to her yet she treated you so kindly. Later on you would be thankful Tokoyami had such a nice girl in his class.

"Thank you." You tell her your name, your breath now evening out as you wait for the familiar face of your friend.

Mina moves the two of you closer to the wall to keep from blocking the door for the other students. She twiddles her thumbs before speaking up. "So, are you and Tokoyami a thing?" She questions in a playful tone.

"Us?" Your mind blurs. "No- we- we're friends. We only met this semester. I hope we're close but I don't think we know each other well enough for that." You didn't mind her question. In elementary when you were but a shy wallflower, it would have sent you into a blushing fit. But you've grown from that! Still, you felt your heart race just a bit at the thought of your chivalrous friend having some affection towards you.

“Do you want to know him more? So you can be like that?” She hints with a small smile. It was a small nudge. A sly suggestion.

Did you? Well, you could imagine it. He was a good person, a very good person if what you had learned so far had anything to say.

But there was something that held you back from exploring the idea any further.

“Maybe.” You respond quietly, eyes on the floor, hands now gripping the strap of your satchel. “I- I'm just afraid I'm not enough.”

“What do you mean by that?” She asks. But before you can answer her, she nudges you gently on the ribs, pointing to the end of the hall. “There he is!” She cups her hands over her mouth. “Tokoyami!”

The boy startles, his gaze first going  to Mina before snapping to you. His sharp eyes immediately soften. He quickened his pace, reaching you in a matter of minutes.

“Is there something wrong?” 

Rather than answer him you take hold of his hand and twirl around him, lifting each of his arms, searching for injuries. There was nothing, luckily, as you heard a few students had been in the heart of the battle as well as the homeroom teacher being badly injured. 

You exhale a sigh of relief and lower his arm. “You're alright.”

“You were concerned over my safety?” He inquires. “I was away from the heat of the battle, safe for the majority of the fight.” 

Calm washes over you, your shoulders losing their tension. “Thats good..” 

The bell rings, signaling class was to begin soon. You look to the stairs behind you, knowing your class was rather far from his. “I have to go, but I’m glad you were- are safe.” Remembering the pink skinned girl next to you, you quickly add, “And you too Mina.” 

The girl laughs, knowing you had forgotten she was there, but she wasn't offended. Watching your interaction with the boy in front of you both was amusing for her. He acted so aloof in class, it was sweet seeing him invested in another person. 

Tokoyami reaches out to you, his hand lowering from reaching for your shoulder, to your hand, then to his side. He clenches it into a fist. “I will see you at lunch, yes?”

You nod, “Yeah.”

“Until then.”

You nod to then both before turning and heading to class. 

- - - 

At lunch, you wait for Tokoyami underneath a tree in the grassy area behind the main school building. You hadn't touched your food, even your favorite meal wasn't enticing enough to urge you to eat. 

You thought of what Mina had asked you earlier. 

What was stopping you from wanting Tokoyami’s affection? You knew the answer. It wasn't him. In fact, you felt warm when he was around. You felt every metaphor for love you've ever read. Every single one.

But your indecisiveness was what stopped you.

He had a goal on what he wanted to be. You didn't. 

You were afraid you would drag him down, be a weight instead of someone who could grow with him. 

“There is something bothering you.” Tokoyami starts off as soon as he sits down next to you, setting his tray aside. “Tell me.”

“I’m starting to become a poet.” You lay back on the soft grass, tilting your head to look at him. “You've rubbed off on me and now I can’t stop thinking.”

“That’s good.”

“Not really. It’s like I have to run a marathon to grab a cup that's right next to me.” You poke his arm. “And you're the cup.”

Tokoyami lays down next to you, Dark Shadow pooling next to him, lazily dozing in the shade. “Tell me.” He repeats in earnest. 

“I think I like you.”

From beside you, you could feel him tense up. Out of awkwardness or shyness you can't tell. But it was out in the open now. You couldn't swallow your words back up. 

“It would be really easy to love you.” You look up at the branches of the tree above you, arms forlding over your chest like a mummy. “You're the kind of boy I read about in novels. Sweet and mysterious. Like dark chocolate with a creamy milk chocolate center. But I’m just a bitter truffle. I’m not at the point where I can be in the same box as you.” You look back at him. “Does that make sense?”

“It does.” He says in an odd tone, as if he was surprised that it did in fact make sense. 

You trudge onward. “I don't want my bitter to unbalance you. If I were to be something to you- or to anyone, I would want to be an anchor. A helper, not a weed that stunts their growth.” Your eyes flicker away from his. “You're my friend. I like it this way. If I can’t like you that way, I’d be satisfied with this.”

Now it was up to him. You felt you said your piece, the thoughts that had been swimming in your mind since you first heard his laugh. It was a small infatuation, but you weren't lying when you said it would be easy to love him. 

You could imagine days of sunshine and rain, and they would all be full of life with him by your side. It wasn't obsession. It was comfort and sweetness. It was calm in the eye of an unknown storm.

You hear the sound of ruffling as he moves onto his side, laying on his side to look at you properly.

“You are bittersweet. You are incomplete. But we can balance each other, piece by piece.” He offers to you, his words a soothing balm to the aching in your chest at the thought of him potentially pushing you away.

“I’m not too much for you?” You whisper. “I know I can be nosy and straight forward. It doesn't bother you?”

He chuckles. “No. I think you're just what I need.”

- - -

Extra:

“So, does this mean I can technically call you my boyfriend?”

“Whatever you are comfortable with.”

You give it some thought, turning over phrases of affection in your mind. What fit him? Boyfriend felt odd. You liked it but it didn't feel like the right word..

“My better half?”

He chokes on his apple, covering his beak with his elbow.

“Are you acting shy now?” You giggle, feeling lighter now that your feelings were out in the open.

“I- I am not against it in private.”

“Okay.. how about.. Romeo.” You shoot him a wink.

A smile tugs at his mouth. He nods in acceptance. “I will take it.”

You pick up your bottle of water, pausing to add a small note before taking a gulp. “As long as we don't go through with the whole poisoning bit.”

“I wouldn't dream of it my dear.”

- - -

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