#you're next matt walsh

[hayleythesugarbowl]

omigoshh hellooo, I just found your blog and I adore your ian fics!! I also saw that you're taking requests, so can I please have a story ( ? ) request with ian and like a bubbly enthusiastic crew member? she's very sweet and always have a smile on her to make everyone's time at work better <33. but when she's on camera, she's a bit shy especially when on tntl gauntlet! but everyone just loves her like a mom hehe. sorry that this is long, no pressure in writing this btw! love you and your work lovely💕 <3

Roasted || Ian Hecox x reader

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ masterlist • smosh masterlist  ⋆˚｡⋆୨୧⋆

summary: you, a crew member at smosh, appear on your first TNTL gauntlet and have a surprise for your boyfriend ian

word count: 1.3k

warnings: none

a/n: ok so sorry for the delay darling but it’s here! i took this idea and turned it into a full on tntl bit + roast. hope u enjoy!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~°~❦~°~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     “Up next is (Y/n)!”

     People clapped as Emily called out from behind the camera.

     You walked out from behind the divider, a smile on your face as you approach the six people on the stools. 

     You had been working at Smosh for nearly a year now, but you had yet to appear on camera. When you had been asked to appear on one of the TNTL Gauntlet episodes with the rest of the crew, you were hesitant but had ultimately agreed.

     You looked at your friends waiting for you to begin your bit. Your eyes lingered longer on Ian, your boyfriend of nearly four months. He gave you an encouraging smile and thumbs up. 

     “Hey guys,” you waved awkwardly, “Wow this is so exciting, I’ve never been on camera before!”

     Shayne turned to face the camera from his stool. “(Y/n) is one of our writers and producers, for those of you that don’t know.”

     You nodded as Ian said, “And my girlfriend!”

     Everyone clapped and you felt yourself blush. “That’s news to me,” you teased.

     “(Y/n), you’re making me look bad on camera,” Ian stage whispered.

     “Doing that all on your own buddy,” Angela said, patting his shoulder.

     Shayne, who had already started to take a sip of water, spit it out, laughing at her comment.

     This made Courtney and Damien spit their water out and soon everyone was laughing.

     “Ok guys, shut up, let (Y/n) do her bit,” Ian said, nodding at you.

     “Ok, dad,” Angela rolled her eyes.

     Once everyone had water in their mouth you answered him. 

     “Funny you should say that Ian,” you said, smiling sweetly as you looked at him. 

     He raised an eyebrow. You shot him a wink. Now that everyone’s attention was on you, waiting to see what you would do, you were suddenly nervous. You focused on Ian as you continued, 

     “So, um, as Ian told you, we’ve been dating for a little while now. And so I wanted to make this bit especially for him.”

     “Oh my god I can’t wait for this,” Amanda said, around the water in her mouth. 

     “Since I wasn’t a part Smosh yet when Ian had his funeral,” you continued, still smiling brightly. “I thought I’d take this opportunity to give him my roast.”

     Shayne clapped loudly and you looked at everyone’s widened eyes. Ian shook his head at you, eyes smiling.

     “Ian don’t worry,” you turned to him. “I’m going to keep it light. I’m not going to say anything offensive or inappropriate—which I know is something you’re not familiar with so let me explain it in terms you’ll understand: 9/11, Columbine, that’s what she said, and something about Luigi Mangione?”

     Shayne spit out his water, looking shocked. Ian played along, shrugging. You tucked your hair behind your ears—you were just getting started.

     “But Ian isn’t all dark humor and Challenger’s references. As I’ve gotten to know him, I’ve really gotten to see who he really is. Which is some combination of the kid from Toy Story and Jared Bailey if he was depressed and looked like Matt Walsh.”

      Everyone else spit their water out now, except for Ian who crossed his arms at you, feigning offense. 

     “This is so good!” Angela yelled. You continued.  

      “No, but Ian is amazing. And he’s a really great boyfriend. He’ll tell you that you look gorgeous and give you lots of affection and he’ll make you feel so loved and desired—

     You paused for effect. 

     “—or so Anthony’s told me.”

     Ian spit now, laughing with everyone else. “No need to out me like that.”

     “This is insane,” Shayne wheezed, wiping his eyes.

      “But all jokes aside,” you started. “Ian is really special and he’s contributed a lot to society…and to science. I mean, as the only person to breastfeed until the age of 13, he’s  been so useful to so many studies.”

      “This,” Amanda said through her laughter, “is actually so crazy.”

      “You’re getting owned,” Courtney shoved Ian’s shoulder playfully. 

      You smiled, feeling encouraged by their laughter and not feeling nearly as nervous as you had at the beginning.

     You glanced at Ian. He was shaking his head at you, a proud look on his face. 

     You cleared your throat.  

     “And I know everyone likes to give Ian crap for his fashion sense—probably because of the gum-ball machine chic chains and the ‘piña colada threw up on me’ vibes—”

     “Hey, that shirt is fire,” Shayne defended.

     “Thank you!” Ian exclaimed.

     “—but I think Ian does have a good fashion sense. I’m sure all the bi girls are so happy that you stole their style and somehow made it so much more white trash.”

     “It’s too real,” Angela said through tears of laughter as Damien blew out an astonished breath. 

     “What I’m trying to say, Ian,” you said, turning to him. “is that I’m so glad we’re together and I know you would never cheat on me—or at least I think. Last time I asked you about it you just shot yourself with a water gun so I’m not really sure what…”

     You trailed off as Ian threw up his hands. 

    “Anyway,” you said, smiling brightly at Ian as he grinned back at you. “I love you Ian and I can’t imagine my life without you in it and I’ll always want you around—even if Angry Birds 2 didn’t.”

     As you finished, the cast on camera and the crew off camera burst into applause and you felt your cheeks warm as you did a little bow.

     “Damn,” Shayne cursed once the room had quieted, looking shocked and impressed. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard 

(Y/n) say anything bad about someone ever.”

     “Ian how do you feel?” Damien asked. 

     “Yeah my guy, you were just annihilated,” Courtney giggled.

     Ian looked at you as he answered them. “I’ve never felt better.”

     “Awww,” Amanda cooed, nudging Angela. “They’re weird and in love!”

     “Ew,” Angela joked. “That’s mom and dad you’re talking about.”

     You laughed, catching Ian’s eye as you walked backwards off the set and back behind the divider. 

     “Seriously though, that shirt slaps, dude,” you hear Shayne saying as you walk away. 

     You beamed to yourself. All in all, you’d say your first TNTL was a success. 

     ₊˚ ✧ ‿︵‿୨୧‿︵‿ ✧ ₊˚

     You found Ian immediately after the episode was finished filming. As you passed people, you were showered with praise and comments about your roast. 

     It felt good, having your first time on camera go so well. For so long everyone had known you as the shy, quiet type. Always having something kind to say to someone, an encouraging word to offer. It was nice knowing they all now knew this side of you too. 

     You walked up to Ian, grabbing his hand. “How’d I do?” You asked him. 

     He leaned in and kissed you. “Mmm, you were perfect. I’m questioning my whole identity.”

    “Yeah? I didn’t go to hard on you,” you mumbled against his lips.

     “Nah, everything you said was probably true,” he joked in between kisses. “And I love you even more because not only is my girlfriend sweet and caring and incredibly sexy, she’s also insanely funny and one of the most talented people I’ve ever met.”

     You smiled against him. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

     He pulled back, his hand trailing down your arm. “Really? I thought I was immature and unstylish.”

     “And I love you even more because of it,” you teased.

     “Hey, (Y/n)?”

     You turned to find Amanda standing behind you. You grabbed Ian’s arm, pulling him close to you as you focused your attention on her.

     “Don’t mean to interrupt but—can you write my roast for Angela’s funeral? You’re so good at it and I can’t think of anything that rhymes with ‘drank paint’.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~°~❦~°~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ˋ°•*⁀➷ this is me manifesting an angela (and arasha and chanse and spencer and trevor) funeral roast 🧘‍♀️

[papirouge]

Imane had been proven to be male. It doesn't matter if he was raised "as a girl" culturally - his testicles and resulting hormone levels unfairly advantage him when fighting against biological women and moreover his physical difference seriously endangers the women he's hitting for your entertainment

Did you actually read the article or are you yet another dumbass that stopped at the headlines and went "urrrr duuur we told you so!! Imane is a man"?? because I actually did (french is my native language) and the article features her medical exams and the doctor states she has a "VAGIN AVEUGLE", meaning she has an orifice at the place where the vagina is supposed to be but it simply doesn't have any functioning female sexual organs and pretty much is just a hole. Via the MRI test, could be identified gonads in her abdomen (the infamous "testicles"), and a "micro penis" in the form of an "hypertrophic clitoris". So Imane has pretty much both female & male sexual organs (at least, in appearance) : the sensational headlines left that "detail" out to make it seem Imane was a full on biological man.

Imane has most likely been assigned female at birth because when she got born she had the external signs of a vagina (babies don't get scanned to see whether they actually have an uterus...especially not in 1980s Algeria) and the medics assigned her as such. It's that simple, but the smear campaign you actively participated in portrayed this misdiagnosed woman like she was on a rampage to destroy female in sports. All of you were so blindsided by your obsessive transphobia that not one second you remotely thought about how she felt being scrutinized like that and learning she may not be a woman... You are fucking disgusting ghouls. Calling that "protecting female sport" doesn't make you any more self-righteous. Many of you hide behind the feminist cause to act like bullies and I'm glad many people clocked that shit out - you are all forever discredited. Imane could be a freaking pos imposter full on MOID and your behavior wouldn't be any more acceptable. Crazy how you can understand this basic 101 of empathy for problematic White women but somehow leave all that shit behind to harass people of color. You better shut up the next time people say that the anti trans feminist fight is a trojan horse for white supremacy, because you're proving those allegations truer by the days.

Every single of you who participated in that smear campaign about Imane can eat shit and you're really fooling yourself if you think you remotely helped the cause of women. You idiots literally rallied along Matt Walsh and all the psychopath rightoids who happen to hate trans people more than women. Don't you ever think we'll forget about it. You guys displayed more energy to shit on a trans athlete than speak about the pedophile volley ball players, or biologically female Palestinian women who were carpet bombed in Palestine. You consequentially antagonized moderate radfem, and radfem of color who clocked how you guys always had shit to say about the hormonal level on non White athletes. Congratulations, you played yourself.

And were you born yesterday to realize sports were based on unfair biological advantage? I'm deadass anemic, I could never be an athlete if I wanted, and that's okay. White people champion swimming bc they have larger torso, and Black people champion running because they have longer leg - are you gonna make a tantrum about it and invoke for "tests" so athlete have the same bust and leg size? You are a joke.

The Imane case also shows none of you are actual serious about the cause of intersex people (I assume you're a radfem). There are chromosome disorders where people with Y chromosome can have functioning FEMALE organs, so this whole chromosome essentialism is stupid af. Unless you wanna accept those with male sex organs without any Y chromosome as women. Checkmate.

[duckyfruitbat]

They're at it Again.

Do y'all remember Gamer Gate? I only just learned what all happened in the last year, because at the time I only heard about it in its last days when things were so confused and muddled that I could only gleam the sexism that ran all throughout. Turns out it was a relationship drama that got way out of hand and that whole "ethics in game journalism" part was just a cover. Anita Sarkeesian was just an after thought in the whole thing, yet she has been so thoroughly lambasted by this crowd that you'd be forgiven for thinking that she was the subject. Honestly the timeline is so confusing and disconnected with itself that it is a miracle that Gamer Gate was even a thing, here's and hour long breakdown here if you're curious. If you want ALL the details, here's a six hour long epic here.

OK Ducky, why are you bringing this up, it was ten years ago, we all know how crazy these people are?

Thank you for your input voice in my head. Yes this is old news, but it has been coming up on my feed again. This time with headlines warning about Gamer Gate 2.0, like Heimdall blowing his horn to signal the start of the most pathetic Ragnarok. This time the subject is a company called Sweet Baby Inc. which is a consulting firm according to their website. Specifically consulting about how to represent minority experiences or just sensitive subjects in general. The conspiracy theory is that Sweet Baby has the power to completely change scripts to be more "woke". Yes it is stupid because game developers willingly go to them when they have questions, and they can just ignore any advice from Sweet Baby entirely. Of course it also plays into the culture war that has been boiling away in the meth lab since Gamer Gate initially happened.

Now to get to the real reason I'm bringing this back up, allow me to shove my opinion on this into your brain like a tentacle slithering down your ear canal. I don't think this will take off like the first Gamer Gate at all. Why do I say this? Over the past year alone we've been seeing the kind of people who would jump on this train making complete fools of themselves any chance they get. Remember the Star Field pronouns guy? This is just going to be more of that, and it will be largely ignored with the exception of a few public meltdowns. There's also the fact that this one would be built on even shakier ground than the first one. In order for Sweet Baby to be involved in a video game the developer needs to make contact first. In a series of interviews with The Verge, team members of Sweet Baby repeatedly say how they are just there to consult the writers, who already wrote in minority characters. That's just how a business like this works, the "woke" content would have found its way into the game to begin with. The difference being the slightly higher possibility of misrepresentation.

Needless to say, if this blows up within the next week, it's safe to say that this wave will be a laughing stock. As I'm writing this, the cracks are already forming. Maybe you saw that Matt Walsh from the Daily Wire has already given his two cents on the situation on the side of Gamer Gate. Here's the thing though, there are clips floating around of Walsh actively bashing gamers for playing video games as adults. He got some backlash from his own audience. The targets of this wave even have a support group in the victims of the first Gamer Gate. This time the defense prepared, and the offense seems far less prepared than last time.

[melanieexox]

So, let me get this straight.... Dancing With The Stars sent Hetty's husband (Matt Walsh) home, but kept Jamie-ABUSER-Lynn Spears and Adrian ABUSER Peterson for the next round.

You're absolute trash, DWTS.

[mightyflamethrower]

VATICAN CITY — As the world waited to hear more about the condition of the ailing Pope Francis, rumors circulated that conservative media personality Matt Walsh was now considered to be the frontrunner to become the next pope.

While Pope Francis remained hospitalized with persistent health issues stemming from bronchitis and pneumonia, preparations were reportedly being made to officially elect Walsh and install him as the supreme pontiff of the Catholic Church.

"A set of plaid flannel papal robes are being made as we speak," Vatican spokesman Bishop Giovanni Tortellini said. "As we saw with President Trump's landslide victory in the United States, the world is turning in a more no-nonsense, conservative direction. We want the Church to follow suit, and there's no bigger no-nonsense conservative than Matt Walsh. Excuse me, my apologies… His Holiness Matt Walsh."

Walsh, who would be the first pope in over 300 years to have a beard, was pragmatic about the move. "It seems like a pretty sweet gig," he said. "It's not a done deal yet, obviously. They're still waiting to see if the old guy buys the farm, but they reached out to me to get the ball rolling. I was hesitant, but they said they were open to moving the Vatican to Nashville and I could still make my documentaries. I can't say much more, but I can say this: My first official proclamation will be banning raw milk. You're welcome, you disgusting botulism-infected raw milk drinkers."

At publishing time, the Vatican's negotiations to officially install Walsh as pope had hit a snag due to Jeremy Boreing refusing to let him out of his Daily Wire contract.

[greenwire]

Matt Walsh, the conservative podcaster man, made that documentary. And ever since, there's been nothing but seething. And this article especially rubbed me the wrong way.

Firstly, there's this:

Yeah, how dare a "random African tribe" have an opinion on gender! The reason why Walsh "picked a random African tribe" is because for well over a decade now, gender theorists and online commentators have claimed that the sex binary is a white colonialist invention. That's why. And here you are sniffing that it's so "unhinged" to ask African people what they think. I think Matt Walsh is an absolute fucking racist, but you're over here dismissing the opinions of rural Africans out of hand, without having even heard what those opinions are.

This is an entire video and article response to the documentary, and you're not going to watch it? You'd literally rather put cat pee in your mouth than hear an opinion you know you'll disagree with??

The next five paragraphs go into the dishonesty of creationists. The author actually says, "why am I talking so much about evolution?" The answer to that is that the theory of natural selection is backed up by science, and the idea that you can change your biological sex with exogenous hormones and experimental surgeries is not. So it's more convenient for you to conflate the two and pretend that males can be women, if they really want to be.

Okay, so finally, at the end of the video, the answer to the question, "what is a woman?" It's supposed to be non-circular and not reliant on sex stereotypes.

"a person society associates with the female sex" sounds better than "anyone who identifies as a woman." But how does society associate a person with the female sex? Gender roles. As in, this is just saying "a woman is anyone who performs sufficient femininity and/or can be clearly recognized as an adult human female." To define women by femininity is sexist toward women. To even deny us a cohesive class, especially when our abusers and oppressors can clearly place us there, is sexist.

But anyone who has been in the community knows another glaring problem with this statement: the person making it is inadvertently excluding transwomen who don't pass. In fact, that takes the identity away from transwomen and puts it back to society. That means misgendering doesn't exist anymore. I've seen you, I'm part of society, I've decided whether or not you're a woman. Additionally, how does this jibe with the notion that transwomen not only are, but always have been women?

Even this youtuber is adding in caveats (about fifteen minutes worth) to this supposed simple, one-sentence definition, and saying it doesn't cover all the circumstances. No shit. When "woman" has to be a term open to anyone who claims it, but closed to anyone who doesn't claim it (yet), it'll sound like this.

I don't subscribe to Matt Walsh's theories or opinions on any other topic I've heard him elaborate. And I've only seen a heavily edited video of his Dr. Phil appearance. But on this one facet of this one topic, he's right. Biological sex is immutable. Women are adult human females. To open up the class of "women" to males means that "women" has to be reliant on sex stereotypes rather than sex.

[papirouge]

God I love JKR so much.

Matt Walsh has literally repeated how much he’s a christian nationalist (so he’s not a true Christian) and has spoken about how minors are “most fertile” and how he had thought about his own son raping his daughter and he would first worry over his son being labeled a sex offender. This man will be the next Crowder, with his wife wisening up to leave him and he’ll then next crusade against divorce. These weak trad larping men ARE NOT against the trans agenda. They’re only contrarians. If trans women were all anti feminists and conservatives, men like Matt would openly embrace them. Women like JKR stand up for women unapologetically

You're absolutely right. Those men aren't against the trans agenda : they hate anything remotely gender non conforming. If trans pepe didn't exist, they'd bully effeminate (gay) men and butch instead. Trans are just a more easier target (because they are much more visible and therefore hugely antagonizable).

People like him are precisely why trans people do exist, because they shame people into gender conformity. In a sense, trans people are paradoxically very gender conforming though: they think that because they don't have interest or tastes "socially accepted" they have to be of the opposite sex. So while they think they're gender conforming (transwomen think they're women so it's "normal" to them to wear women's clothing) they're actually gender non conforming for normies (transwomen are still considered as men by most people so they are seen as transvestites).

Joanne is very smart for not falling into this trap and fake benevolence of those Conservative men who don't have any remote respect for women (beside pickme fawning over the ground they walk on). She probably remember they were the ones clowning her as a big bad leftie just because she canonized some of her characters as gays or Black...

If only radfem could have such a good discernment. I'll never forget how hard they whiteknighted for that scrote nest that is Kiwifarm just because it was beefing with one trans YouTuber.... One of their biggest L so far.

[shoverse]

Did I tell you about the first, and currently only, soul I've received? Lol "received" makes it sound like I ordered it on Amazon. Haha... Let me reframe. Did I ever tell you about the first person I coerced into giving me their soul? I've told Servy this story before. (She wasn't impressed. 😔) Anyway, it all started when I commented on a post. (A bit like how all this started.) I don't need to tell you about the op. That mother fucker was insane! Before I could ask her to give me her soul, she announced to her followers that she was going back to a mental asylum. I kid you not! Wonder how she's doing now. Back to the story: through that girl, I met another girl. I saw my chance and I took it. For the first few days, weeks, she resisted. It's expected. I asked her many, many times to comply. I was very calm and polite. I told her I would leave her alone. (I'm not lying; you know how polite and enthusiastic I am). She laughed, said I was crazy, said she would never give her soul to a "bigoted transphobe" like Matt Walsh. 😏 After a week, I told her I would start having polite conversations with her friends. (Again, not lying). She was getting bored of me by then but still resisted. Most of her friends did the same thing she did, laugh and call me crazy, but some of her friends were a little too sensitive. Don't know how old they were, don't really care, they were under 15, so it's excuseable. She didn't like this, I didn't like it. I asked her dozens of times to just comply. Still, it was a no. She didn't understand how sincere I was. So I showed her. Few days passed with her being offline. Then she comes back and has the authority to tell me that she had a panic attack and begged me to leave her and her friends alone! Can you believe it? all those times I asked her. I could have said "no, now you're stuck with me." But I've got to make my daddy proud, you know. So we make a deal. I promise her that I'll 100% leave her and her friends alone if she gives me her soul. (Same deal as before) Moral of the story? Listen to what I say because I don't ever give up. Now I wanted to tell you this for 2 reasons. 1. I know pride is a sin, but I've got to say I'm quite proud of myself and her stupidity is hilarious. 2. I think you know what I'm going to say next. I tried with service, but I was hopeless. She didn't have a soul worth taking. But you, hmm, I'm not so sure. How about we work things out?

i have dyslexia i can't read that

[harrypotterfuryroad]

"Framed as a mental illness" if it's not a disorder why does it need healthcare????

so like by singling out books by abigail shrier and matt walsh i know they're referring to ppl who are framing transness as like an affront to god but yeah they're still not taking the next step (i know those authors aren’t like baptist level but they’re still very conservative)

conservatives: my friend jesus said there's something fundamentally wrong with you so we're gonna torture you about it

tras: there's something fundamentally wrong with me so i need super expensive cosmetic surgeries

us: there's nothing fundamentally wrong with you, we understand the feeling though and you deserve support and help

tras: you're literally the same as the jesus torture people

[lizardbytheriver]

Matt Walsh: "Overturning Roe is a great and necessary first step, and something to certainly celebrate, but it's only a first step, as far as I'm concerned. The next step is to abolish abortion and criminalize it nationwide. The next step is to essentially do what idiot leftists think is already happening. They think that overturning Roe v. Wade means that abortion is abolished nationwide. That's not what it means. But that's what they're worried about, and that's actually what we should try to do.

As always with the left, I take a, you know, I'll give you something to cry about approach with the left. You're going to cry about it? Then, you know, I'll give you something to cry about. Let's go ahead and criminalize it nationwide. And that is the next fight and Republicans have to lean into it. Because the die is cast. The greatest cultural battle of our lives doesn't end now, it begins.

Democrats are going to do everything in their power, and everything not in their power, to usurp the Supreme Court decision and ensure that babies continue to die at the same rate or at a higher rate than before. Republicans must respond not by declaring victory and just washing their hands of the issue, not by hiding from it, but by pushing back in the other direction. They, the Democrats, want to codify abortion nationwide. We have to push to criminalize it. There's no escaping the fight now. You're either with us or against us on this. And that goes for every elected Republican."

Matt Walsh and Republicans like him want a National Abortion Ban. Matt Walsh and Republicans like him want to criminalize Abortion. Matt Walsh and Republicans like him want to control other's bodies. Matt Walsh's monologue's about giving the Left "something to cry about", show that these actions are not being done to "preserve the 'life' of the unborn", rather these actions are being done due to a desire to be cruel. Matt Walsh is not a fringe figure on the Right. Matt Walsh works for Ben Shapiro. Matt Walsh is invited to Conservative Events. While many in the Conservative base and Republican base do not want criminalization of Abortion. Matt Walsh is thought-leader and figurehead of the Anti-Abortion Movement on the Right. We should not ignore that powerful/influential individuals want a complete ban on Abortion. We should not ignore that powerful/influential individuals are working to criminalize Abortion completely. You are not crazy for fearing that Abortion may be criminalized. Those on the Right are currently working to criminalize all Abortion. As always, shame on any TERFs who think Matt Walsh is an ally to them. As always, shame on anyone who is Anti-Abortion or Anti-Choice, you are no better than Matt Walsh (who aside from being Anti-Choice is also a Transphobe and a Racist).

[talkingpointsusa]

Matt Walsh VS a Can Of Beer: The Battle of The Century

Well, we started talking about two new right wing figures on the blog today so I figured in this time of change we should go back to our roots; and those roots involve talking about how dumb the stuff that Matt Walsh says is. On December 13th, Matt was was talking about the important issues that effect American's today. Stuff like healthcare, gun violence, the high cost of living and-

Oh for gods sake

Oh right, I forgot that this is Matt Walsh we are talking about. Instead we get Matt taking to the airwaves to declare that the right ending the boycott of Bud Light that was brought on by one Instagram post with a transwoman in it would be a massive mistake. A good part of this episode is basically Matt throwing a tantrum and the other part is Matt demonstrating a stunning lack of empathy towards well...pretty much everyone really. So, let's get into it shall we?

Transphobia Warning; Obviously, it's Matt Walsh.

01:46: "Well if you're on the Right than you know the phrase 'This is why we lose' has become something of a cliche these days. Anytime anyone on our side does anything we don't like we're bound to declare 'This is why we lose!' as if that person is now a symbol for America's cultural decline. And in many cases the this is why we lose charge can be off-base or at least overwrought and overstated, but not always. And so today we begin with an actual case of 'This is why we lose'."

Oh for crying out loud. I am getting really tired of this Bud Light boycott being portrayed as anything other than a gigantic temper tantrum.

To put it into perspective, this is over a single Instagram post with a transwoman. I don't see how this could possibly be framed as anything other than brazen bigotry. Even if it's framed with the usual nonsensical concerns about "trans-ing the kids" or whatever, Bud Light is a beer which is of course targeted at adults!

I'm not a fan of InBev just like how I'm not a fan of most major corporations, and there are valid criticisms of the company. But this isn't one of them.

02:25: "Now, we know that some notable figures on this side of the aisle were never on board with the boycott in the first place, famously Donald Trump Jr defended the beermaker from the very beginning saying that Bud Lite is on our side despite appearances and we shouldn't punish them for their brief foray into trans propaganda."

If one Instagram post is "trans propaganda", then the people pushing for that propaganda aren't trying at all!

Speaking of the people pushing for trans propaganda, who are they and what is "trans propaganda"? Is merely seeing a transwoman enough to turn hordes of men trans in Matt's bizarre word? Does he think that there is a shadowy cabal of trans people out to control the world? At the very least he wants his audience to think that.

He then plays a clip of UFC Dana White declaring that you should be drinking "gallons" of Bud Light. This isn't due to a change of heart on Dana's part, this is due to a deal he made with Bud Light that makes them the official beer of UFC. Not sure what people in this media-sphere were expecting, money's money. That's the free market for you!

He then plays a clip from Kid Rock saying that the boycott should end as well. Then Tim Pool defending it, I was thinking of covering that episode and maybe I will later. Not a Tim Pool fan, if the massive ass post I did on him where I called him a terrible journalist didn't tip you off, but if it means he will shut up about it and I don't have to address it the next time I talk about him I am all for it.

So what does Matt think about all of this?

08:59: "The Bud Light boycott is still on and let me explain why. Bud Light, the foreign owned brand, tried to push trans ideology. It spat in the face of it's own customers."

Seeing a trans person is trans ideology now apparently. Keep in mind, it's not like this was a national TV spot, this was one post and one Instagram story on Mulvaney's own account! Even if it was a TV spot, trans people don't have to hide out of the public eye. They exist and deserve recognition without people like Matt Walsh bullying and lashing out at them whenever they dare to remind us that they exist.

10:45: "If they gave 100 million dollars to some kind of detrans fund, that would be one thing! But why would giving 100 million dollars to Dana White, why would we consider that to be sufficient?"

Matt is conflating a marketing deal with an apology. It wasn't meant to be an apology or an olive branch, it was meant to be a marketing deal. I understand that Matt doesn't want transgender people to exist because he has this bizarre all-consuming hatred for them, but it's a little egotistical to just kneejerk assume that this major corporation is trying to specifically apologize to you and your group when they make a marketing deal.

11:13: "Dana White is not a victim of trans ideology. He's not affected by it."

First of all, giving trans people basic human rights isn't "trans ideology", it's basic human empathy.

Second of all, neither is Matt Walsh! He doesn't need to be a massive transphobe.

He could go out any time and try to meet a trans person, and not in a confrontational and aggressive way like he does in those godawful "[INSERT DAILY WIRE PERSONALITY HERE] DESTROY'S X PERSON WITH FACTS AND LOGIC" videos, and open his mind to the possibility that maybe just maybe trans people are just human beings who just want to get through life like he is. Maybe he'd be surprised at how much he has in common with them, or maybe he'd continue to lack basic empathy for them.

Matt Walsh is my most talked about person on the blog so far, I just keep going back to him, and there's a reason why. Matt Walsh embodies something that a lot of these other people try to hide and that is a pure disregard for empathy for your fellow human beings. He seems to live off of contempt for others, routinely using his show to declare that being more accepting towards transgender people will lead to civilization collapsing and trying to hide behind paper thin "logic" to justify his bigotry.

It must be really sad to live a life that full of hate and anger.

(I probably should have saved that rant for the conclusion but here we are. Onward ho!).

12:21: "Bud Light betrayed it's customers, it has not conceded defeat, it has not apologized at all, and so at this point the entire company is basically in shambles."

InBev stock actually going up. InBev is such a massive multinational company that this is not going to kill them, I guarantee you.

Also, how ironic is it that a guy who mocks safe spaces and calls leftists "snowflakes" (or cupcake in that tweet) is whining about a company "betraying" him because they dared to remind him that transgender people exist.

12:36: "What is their out? Well they would need to apologize for pushing transgenderism. They would need to apologize specifically and explicitly. They would need to grovel at our feet in humiliating fashion and disavow gender ideology entirely."

This statement is so cartoonishly megalomaniacal that I'm shocked Matt didn't do an evil laugh with lightning bolts in the background after he said it. Imagine if he switched the words "transgender" and "gender" for "black ideology" and you'll realize just how insanely bigoted this statement is.

On top of that, does Matt not realize how terrible that move would be financially for InBev? They'd be alienating the entire political left and most moderates. There would be protests and even larger boycotts, including in Europe which Matt so astutely pointed out earlier on is where the company is headquartered. That would probably kill the company, not appeasing Matt and his group of far-right bullies who are throwing a tantrum over an Instagram post.

13:23: "If we fall for it than we deserve to lose, we deserve everything that's coming."

What's coming? A more accepting society? The horror!

Man, this is a profoundly whiny episode of the Matt Walsh Show.

13:56: "So screw them, let them whither and die, let their brand destroy itself."

The entire topic of the episode is that even the right is backing away from the boycott. Soon everybody is going to have forgotten about this, even Matt will forget about this in favor of a new thing about trans people he can complain about that is more profitable and drives more engagement.

14:04: "What are we, feeling sorry for them? 'Oh but I feel so bad for that poor multinational foreign conglomerate'."

"And by the way, I feel so bad for the literal richest man on Earth. Why, oh why are all those cruel leftists being so mean to him?"

17:55: "The brand is lame now."

I don't think Bud Light has ever been particularly cool. Now, I'm a Canadian so I don't know how it is in the USA, but up here most people have viewed it as a pretty shitty beer for years.

19:25: "It has to be said. Bud Light sucks anyway. It's a bad product, it tastes like stale rainwater scooped out of a muddy puddle on the pavement."

For once Matt said something I agree with. Doesn't make this boycott any less immature and transphobic but yeah, Bud Light is shitty beer. I think everyone's lives would be improved if Matt dropped the transphobia and just converted this into a beer review show.

Matt then switches away from the Bud Light talk and goes on to the five headlines section of the show. His first segment is on the Satanic Temple display in the Iowa State Capitol. This was before it got decapitated so Matt obviously does not talk about that, he talks about it on the Friday show but I'm probably not going to cover it since it doesn't look interesting enough to warrant doing two Matt Walsh episodes in a row.

21:56: "So there was no attempt to turn them down or fight over this, they were just given exactly what they wanted."

While you might not necessarily agree with this, it is an example of freedom of religion being expressed. Matt even says earlier that they went through all the proper legal channels, so this is completely legal from the standpoint of freedom of religion being respected.

Also, the Satanic Temple doesn't actually worship Satan. They are an atheistic organization that aims to "highlight religious hypocrisy and encroachment on religious freedom."

Matt is basically proving their point by complaining about this and I find that deeply funny.

24:31: "You simply don't allow satanists to set up a satanic alter inside your state capitol."

They aren't actual Satanists, as I stated before.

I can see why Matt doesn't like these guys though. From their website;

"The Mission Of The Satanic Temple Is To Encourage Benevolence And Empathy, Reject Tyrannical Authority, Advocate Practical Common Sense, Oppose Injustice, And Undertake Noble Pursuits."

Empathy and rejection of tyrannical authority? The horror! Those kinds of things are the kinds of things that Matt Walsh does hate though.

24:48: 'Oh but we have a right to!' I don't care if you think that."

Religious rights for my group and nobody elses! I have yet to see an argument from Matt that counters the religious freedom this group has to do this.

25:33: "Obviously the founding fathers would have never tolerated this."

The founding fathers wouldn't have tolerated Muslims having a right to practice their religion. Does that mean we shouldn't let them practice their beliefs freely? No!

The founding fathers wouldn't have tolerated an unsegregated world. Does that mean we should go back to owning slaves and treating people of color as less than human? No!

If every single thing we do as a society is filtered through "Would the founding fathers tolerate this?" we would make zero progress as a society.

26:34: "They are worshipping Satan even though they don't consciously think they are."

So Matt is aware that the Satanic Temple is a satirical organization but doesn't care because these people are actually worshipping Satan without even knowing it...I guess?

Great stuff here.

27:46: "What is a right? Where do rights come from?"

This specific right would be the freedom of religion found in the The First Amendment. If Matt was at least trying to be a reasonable journalist instead of a theocratic fascist (yes, he actually claims he is that. Look at his Twitter) he would know that.

If they are legally considered to be a religious organization, which they are since they got the tax exemption as one in 2019, they have the right to practice their religion and set up legal religious displays.

Also, this argument can be turned around on these guys really fast. What is the second amendment? Who gave you the right to bare arms?

29:03: "So they would say that rights are human inventions, that they are arbitrary human constructs."

Rights aren't arbitrary human constructs. They are based on things like morals, empathy, freedoms, etc. Nobody is saying that they are just arbitrary because there are certain things that most humans can say are bad due to having empathy and generally decency.

29:31: "Well if that's the case, than you wouldn't be able to complain if Iowa had simply said 'No, you don't have the right to put that up here.' because if government decides your rights and then if the government decides you don't have that particular right, it's incoherent to insist you do because insisting that you do is to appeal to a power higher than the government."

Again, those rights are based on basic human morals and empathy for others.

The issue I am having is that if Matt was in the room with me he would probably ask "What is empathy?" and if you don't know, you don't have it.

There's not much else important in this segment. Just Matt calling his fans to arms and repeating the same crap I already addressed.

He then talks about the Kate Cox abortion case and Ann Coulter *GASP* siding with the left! For those unaware, a woman named Kate Cox sought out an abortion exception due to her unborn child having a medical condition that has a low rate of survival for the child and if she carried out the pregnancy, might risk her health and her ability to have more children. She left Texas for an abortion and it has sparked a debate about what should qualify as an exception in states that ban abortion. Read more about it here (From the CBC State Broadcaster no less!). Now, given how much of a paragon of empathy Matt Walsh has been in this episode and given his disgustin-er-controversial opinions on abortion, I'm sure this will be a balanced take. Right!?!

35:50: "Pro-lifers are never motivated by cruelty to mothers."

Even if pro-lifers aren't directly motivated by cruelty to mothers, the actions and legislation created by pro-lifers indirectly causes cruelty to mothers and this is the kind of story that proves it.

What if Matt's wife was pregnant with a child that had this condition? Would he force her to go through with a painful pregnancy that would threaten her health, destroy her fertility, and cause her grief when that child most-likely dies extremely young? Again, to side against Kate Cox in this situation demonstrates a stunning lack of empathy.

36:38: "There's not money to be made in being a pro-lifer."

Methinks the Walshy doth protest too much.

If you're like Matt Walsh and your job is basically regurgitating right-wing talking points, yeah there is money to be made in being a pro-lifer.

36:41: "The abortion industry is a billion dollar industry. And so it is always logical to say that at least a big part of their motivation is that they make a lot of money on this."

As is the case with all healthcare in the states, you have to pay to have an abortion. If we were to have a conversation about how obscenely expensive healthcare is in the United States, that's a conversation I am willing to have.

But if you think about this argument it's a pretty dumb thing to say. Let's say we replaced the word abortion with "dental", would that mean that going to the dentist if you have a toothache is something that should be banned? Of course not!

But I'm sure the argument would be that there's life on the line with abortion whilst a dental surgery doesn't have life on the line. Well what about Kate Cox's life? Does that not matter?

37:36: "The pro-life movement is motivated entirely by love for the mother and child."

If that were true, Matt would be supportive of Kate Cox getting an abortion exception and would be horrified that she didn't get one.

Kate would have had to undergo an extremely painful pregnancy that would put her health at risk if she had an abortion. The child would have a low likelihood of survival, the oldest a person has lived with that condition is 40 years old, and that was an extremely rare exception. It would have been both painful for the mother and the child.

If Matt was the loving and empathetic person he claims he is, he would be for that pregnancy being terminated.

38:06: "This condition, as mentioned in the article, is not always incompatible with life. Babies can live for days, months, years, even decades in some cases. Now that is rare, and the prospects of a long life are tragically small but not nonexistent, so if you abort a child with this condition you are killing him on the assumption that he's going to die anyway."

Firstly, this argument is completely taking away the pain and health conditions that going through with the pregnancy would have caused Kate. Continuing with that pregnancy would pose risks to her life and health.

Secondly, according to the articles I read on this case, Kate's doctors said there was an EXTREMELY slim chance of that child surviving. Even if it did survive for a couple of months, it's death would have caused massive amounts of completely unnecessary sorrow for the family of Kate and Kate herself. Plus, it would most likely cause the child unnecessary pain to be brought into the world and then die that quickly. Even if they do progress into the older stages of life, they would have a constant knowledge that they are at risk of dying extremely young.

To make this argument is to completely disregard the happiness and health of Kate Cox as well as mercy for the child, the thing that Matt claims he doesn't do.

38:41: "I mean, everyone is gonna die."

But not everyone has a condition that would make their chances of survival in birth slim at best and would jeopardize the life of their mother if birth is given to them.

This is such a gross oversimplification of the situation, the key word here being "gross".

39:16: "If you start justifying murder based on the fact that someone is gonna supposedly die anyway, you've opened up Pandora's Box and you've set a precedent that justifies really, any murder of anyone."

This argument runs on the faulty and inflammatory assumption that abortion is murder, which it is not. A fetus is something that has the potential to be a human and I believe personally that personhood begins at birth. This is also a defamatory and harmful statement to Kate Cox. After all, if abortion is murder Kate traveled out of state to murder her child. This is the kind of thing that leads to harassment.

Matt also still hasn't addressed the concerns that forcing Kate Cox to go through with the pregnancy would have caused to her health, almost as if he doesn't care about her and only cares about his movement.

41:10: "The only way to get around this really when it comes to this issue is by arguing that the child in the womb is not a human person, but he is."

Matt automatically gendering unborn children as "he", but we have more important issues to cover.

A child in the womb has no autonomy outside of their mother. In the first trimester, they are nothing but an embryo which has no thoughts and feelings at all. Even in the second trimester, a fetus could not survive without being attached to the womb.

It has the potential to become a person but that isn't the case when in the womb.

42:04: "Why would this be any necessarily be any different, like there are born infant children and toddlers who sadly and tragically and unfathomably are diagnosed with terminal illnesses that are probably gonna kill them pretty soon, that happens every day in this country, it's a terrible tragedy. And yet I'm going to assume, I'm gonna hope and pray, that most people in this country would not be in favor of euthanizing a two year old whose probably going to be dead in the next couple of years because of leukemia"

This is such an insane strawman argument that it should be taught as an example of the strawman fallacy. How on Earth are an unborn fetus with no autonomy and a living breathing child with autonomy even remotely comparable?!

Plus it's leaving out other factors and just basic facts about this case! For example, the fact that it is, say it with me, leaving out the complications that the pregnancy would cause for the mother. Plus a two year old who is going to die in a couple years from leukemia is a completely different thing than an unborn child who is still in the womb and has the potential to become a full fledged person.

Obviously I think euthanizing a child is a bad thing. Man, this episode isn't the worst episode from a journalistic standpoint but it may be from a purely moral one.

Next up Matt does his comments section segment, immediate skip, especially since I haven't watched or covered the episode he's talking about. Matt then decides to talk about "anti-white racism" on college campuses. This promises to be grim.

55:07: "If you replace Jews with white people than we do have the answer to those questions clear as day, that's because a few years ago at the University of Virginia a black student did exactly what I just described. She stood up and she told white people to get out of the student center and she said that because of their skin color that these whites were not allowed there."

This story happened at the University of Virginia and Matt is leaving out key details. This wasn't just a "student center" it was the campus diversity center, a space designed specifically for POC's. There is a normal student center on campus.

And what she was saying was a rather fair point. University of Virginia is a prominently white university so why shouldn't people of color have their own space that they can feel safe in? I get the sense that this woman felt that this space was becoming amalgamated into another space for whites to hang out on campus and felt the need to speak up. Could it have been handled better? Absolutely! Does that mean we should discount what she is saying? No!

It's not like she was rude about it either. Outside of that "Too many white people" remark which was a little blunt and poorly phrased, the overall quote was a pretty respectful explanation of her feelings on the matter. Quote;

"This is a space for people of colour, so just be really cognisant of the space you're taking up because it does make some of us [people of colour] uncomfortable when we see too many white people in here," (Source, BBC News)

So how does Matt characterize this?

56:02: "So somebody films that racist anti-white rant, nobody says anything, no one laughs at this racist or condemns her in any way, it's just silently filmed because everybody's too afraid to challenge this, the only reaction is applause as the white people make their exit."

That is by far in a way the politest "racist rant" I have heard in my life. She was simply trying to lay out the fact that she felt that white people were taking over the only space that POC's have to themselves in the university and why that makes her uncomfortable.

Also, the applause was extremely light. I'd say it sounded like it came from maybe one or two people.

56:21: "Now after this incident it goes without saying that there were no Congressional hearings, no administrators at UVA were forced to resign, nobody was even calling for that."

Because that would be an insanely overblown response. Even if you agree that this was a racist-rant, one student's bad behavior leading to Congressional hearings and administrators leaving would be an insane response.

56:34: "As upsetting as it may be, we shouldn't be surprised by that non-response because systemic anti-white racism on college campuses is open and blatant."

The numbers don't back this up at all. Since Fall 2010, Black student enrollment has declined from 3.04 million to 2.38 million, a 22% decrease (Source, PNPI).

In 2021 there were 571 hate crimes on college campuses, almost twice as many hate crimes as there are days in a year, and race was the main motivator (Source, National Center For Education Statistics).

So, provided they get in at all, students who are POC's are highly at risk of being victims of hate crimes according to the numbers.

56:57: "I vividly remember all the way back in 2007 when it was revealed that the University of Delaware was running a mandatory re-education program that forced 1000's of students living on campus to affirm that all whites are racist."

This was just diversity training, extremely poorly handled diversity training from what I've read about it (and most of the news on it is from super biased sources like conservative funded college free speech organization FIRE), but still diversity training.

It absolutely should have been handled better, but it wasn't a "re-education program". The university however did do some things that were worthy of criticism like bluntly asking students when they discovered their sexual identity, something which someone might want to keep private.

57:23: "They referred to these struggle sessions as 'treatment for white people.'"

They referred to the sessions as treatments yes, which is a very creepy name I must admit, however it wasn't specifically for white people. I couldn't find anything about them being only for white people in even FIRE's report.

Plus, these are two cherrypicked examples that Matt is blowing way out of proportion. If these are the best Matt has to prove that college campuses are racist against white people, this is weak as hell.

58:18: "And that's why the current burst of outrage over antisemitism on college campuses is more than a little bit conspicuous."

"People are talking about antisemitism, what about meeeee?"

Tying this back into the theme of empathy, this shows where Matt's empathy lies, himself. Matt seems completely unable to register that people different from him are also valid, just straight white males. Then again, what else can you expect from a guy who proudly boasts about being a theocratic fascist on Twitter?

Matt goes to talk more about how all college campuses are racist against whites and the episode finally ends.

Conclusion:

Well, this was the first time I got genuinely angry writing one of these posts so there's that. The overall whininess and sheer contempt for everyone that isn't a white Christian male like Matt was extremely blatant and it was painful to listen to.

Like I said before, it comes down to having empathy for people different than yourself. If Matt had that, he wouldn't be boycotting a company over one post that had a transwoman in it or arguing against a woman terminating an extremely painful pregnancy that could literally threaten her life if carried out. While most of the right-wing movement lacks this empathy, Matt Walsh doesn't even try to hide it.

Cheers and I'll see you in the next one.

[lizardbytheriver]

Matt Walsh: "We all agree that there are people in the country who identify themselves as trans. So those people certainly exist. There are people who are walking around and saying, I am transgender. Yes, we all agree. That's not a figment of our imagination, we're not hallucinating it. We all agree that's the case, that those people exist.

However, the question is whether the claim that they're making about themselves is true. And then the second question is related to the first: Is it actually possible for a person to be transgender? Is that a valid, a legitimate, a coherent kind of human identity? Transgender, trans – it means beyond gender. You're beyond it or something. You're something past it, beyond it. Is it possible to be that? The answer is no. No one is beyond it because we're human beings and there are two options, male and female, and nobody exists beyond that.

So, in that sense – if that's the sense that you mean, that in that sense trans people don't exist in the sense that there are no people who actually exist beyond the gender binary because the gender binary's real and we all are in it, on one side or the other. And yet, the people who are confused about this, yes, they certainly do exist. If they didn't, then we wouldn't be having this conversation." This argument is terrible. Transgender and Trans does not necessarily mean "beyond gender". The prefix "Trans" can mean "beyond". But it can also mean "across", "change", or "transfer". (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/trans#:~:text=Kids%20Definition-,trans%2D,form%20or%20position%20or%20transfer) So while their are individuals who could be described as "beyond gender" (maybe some Agender Folks or some Xenogender Folks), a lot of Trans People still fall within a Gender. Trans Men fall into the Common Masculine Gender. Trans Women fall into the Common Feminine Gender. Nonbinary People (typically) fall into Genders that are not Man nor Woman. But they still have a Gender, and are not "Beyond" Gender. With only Agender Folks being "Beyond". Next part is saying there is only "two options". Even though multiple cultures throughout history had more than two genders. And he does not adequately define what "Gender" is, equating it to "Sex" while ignoring all social and cultural elements of it. But even if we define "Gender" as "Sex", then we run into another stopping point. Since Intersex Folks exist. And "Sex" is also an idea Humans came up with. Because Sex is usually defined by multiple things like Genitalia, Chromosomes, and Hormone Production. And these things can be very, very different from person to person. Not even "Sex" is a clear "two options". But again, is he talking about "Gender" or is he talking about "Sex"? Matt Walsh is not a wise person and you should not listen to him.

[girl-of-many-fandoms]

Got tagged by the lovely @sketch-and-write-lover, thanks for that hun 💕

Note that I've been so hung up on both Marvel & TWD

====

10. Stitches // 11 (Frank Castle x Reader) MARVEL

“Maybe you should get out of here, all of you should get far away.”

“Well would you look at that, little red riding hood has come to his senses.”

“Frank.”

The five of us were standing at the waterfront in the middle of the night, Amy was passed out in the backseat of the truck. Frank scoffed, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, he wanted nothing more than to take Matt’s cane and stick it up his ass.

9. Sweet Angel (Deacon Kay x Reader) S.W.A.T.

“Honey, have you seen Leo’s favourite rattle?” gripping onto the kitchen sink I doubled over in pain, unable to make a sound from the stabbing pain in my abdomen. Deacon’s large hand rested on the small of my back as he caught me before I could hit the deck.

8. Stitches // 10 (Frank Castle x Reader) MARVEL

1:45am

Those angry red numbers casted a glow in the room which only added to my frustration. With one quick look over to the empty spot next to me in bed, I flung the blanket off of me as I got out of bed. I couldn’t sleep just like last night and the night before that, all because Frank refuses to sleep next to me; hell, he’s not even speaking to me other than a one word response to anything I asked or said to him.

7. Wrong Name // 2 (Shane Walsh x Reader) TWD

“I’m pregnant.”

“I know, I saw the signs.”

Lori and I are currently handwashing everyone’s clothes in the tub far away from the rest of the group. For a week straight I watched her run away to vomit and I noticed her boobs had grown out some more but who was I to point those things out to the woman that slept with my husband?

6. Stitches // 9 (Frank Castle x Reader) MARVEL

“What’s going on?” Frank was holding Amy as she cried which boggled my mind even further. I barely left them alone for twenty minutes and she’s crying.

“What did you do?” Frank glared at me as I plopped down on the adjacent chair, Amy pulled away from him, dabbing away her tears; her sniffles filling the room as she sat upright.

“I didn’t do anything, your friend and his saint-like decision making is behind this.”

5. Stitches // 8 (Frank Castle x Reader) MARVEL

Stepping into the empty boxing gym I was met with a sweaty, shirtless Frank Castle who is currently abusing the poor punching bag with his deadly punches. My heels hitting the concrete floor could barely be heard as he overpowered it with each strike he landed on the bag.

"You told me to meet you here after work to watch you break a sweat?" Breaking out of his zone, Frank turned to face me shooting me a soft smile. Abandoning the punching bag he came over to me, planting a chased kiss on my lips.

"As fun as that might sound to you, I told you to meet me here for a reason." he held onto the straps of my purse and slid it down my arm, successfully removing it from my person as he guided me to the bench which had his gym bag.

4. "You're my MJ." (TASM Peter Parker x Reader) MARVEL

"I'm going to press it" MJ stated, her eyes locked on the magic box that can return the multiple intruders locked up in the basement of the sanctum.

"You can't just do that, Peter hasn't reached out yet"

"Just give him a little more time"

3. Something New (Rick Grimes x Reader) TWD

"What are you doing up Grimes?"

"Can't sleep, I was about to take a walk when you turned in your sleep."

"Want to talk about what's keeping you up?" I adjusted the way I was seated, turning to face him with my legs crisscrossed beneath me. He shook his head not wanting to do that, choosing to watch the blank television screen ahead.

2. Wrong Name // 1 (Shane Walsh x Reader) TWD

"Shane!"

I was close to my much needed climax, my devishly handsome husband kept thrusting upwards into me, his hands gripping onto my hips. He nibbled and sucked on my neck as we fucked in the driver's seat of the hyundai tuscon.

"Fuck Lori"

And just like that, whatever I was feeling disappeared. Wordlessly I got off of his lap and got back into the passenger's seat, rushing to pull my underwear and jeans back up my legs.

1. Stitches // 7 (Frank Castle x Reader) MARVEL

Rolling over my eyes slowly fluttered open as I adjusted to the stream of sunlight that lit up the bedroom. A smile played on my lips at the sight of the man sleeping next to me, Frank was sleeping soundly on his stomach leaving his broad muscular shoulders for me to wake up to. His obnoxious snoring bounced off the four walls, that was one thing I definitely did not miss after he left.

====

I've noticed that I like to start my stories either in the smack dab of a dramatic scene or in a much calmer settings and I like to be very descriptive so that it's much easier for my readers to get a clearer picture of what's going on in the fics.

Tagging: NO PRESSURE! @positive-squid @rickgrimeswifey @aaronhotchnerfics and anyone that would like to add their own! 🤍

First-Lines tag!

Thank you @blairsanne for tagging me! This was fun!

Rules: List the first lines of the last ten (10) stories you published. Look to see any patterns you notice yourself, and see if anyone else notices any. Then tag some friends. a first-lines meme!

Mine are all going to be from the 30 days of fics most likely…

1. Day 16: Meteor Showers (Bilbo x Reader)

The biting winter evening breeze didn’t stop Bilbo from tugging you up the hill, a childish grin on his features as you held your blanket firmly in your grasp, your other hand intertwined with Bilbo’s.

2. Day 15: First Love (Balin x Reader)

“And what about you?” Asked Bilbo, drawing Balin’s attention away from the fire. “What was your first love experience like, Master Balin?”

3. Day 14: Beneath The Moonlight (Legolas x Reader)

The grass was lush beneath your back, still slightly warm from the day it has spent beneath the rays of sunlight.

4. Day 13: Candles (Smaug x Reader)

Smaug huffed through his nose, a plume of smoke escaping him as he looked around the setup he managed to put together.

5. Day 12: Sunrise (Thorin x Reader)

The feeling of warm caresses was the first thing you comprehended as you began to come back from the land of the unconscious, your eyes fluttering as Thorin stroked your cheek soothingly.

6. Day 11: Habits (Elrond x Reader)

It was like a puzzle coming together, you and Elrond, you noted mentally as muscle memory took over once you got to his study.

7. Day 10: Burning For You (Thranduil x Reader)

“You’re too sweet to me, you know,” You hummed as you looked over the lunch that Thranduil had the chefs prepare for the two of you.

8. Day 10: Scent (Beorn x Reader)

“Bear, what’re you doing?” Was the first thing that slipped from your lips as you awoke, feeling the skin-changer tug you closer while your eyes remained slipped shut in a small effort to cling onto the sleep you so desperately wanted to fall back into, the rumble of Beorn’s chest against your back being all the reply you received.

8. Day 9: Sweets (Ori x Reader)

Humming to yourself, you spun to grab a spatula before returning to your mixing bowls.

9. Good Graces (Thorin x Reader)

“Hey, let us out of here!”

“Get off me!”

The voices of the Company overwhelmed your ears as you were all shoved into cells by the Elven guards. With sickly spiders, cursed waters, sore shoulders, and a growing headache, you decided to take this as a moment of peace to sit down undisturbed, leaning against the cool stone.

10. Day 8: New Buds (Legolas x Reader)

It was day twenty of Legolas’ courtship with you, and every day he couldn’t help but stress as he took care of the plant you first presented him at the beginning of this phase of your courtship.

I’ve noticed I start my stories right smack-dab in the middle of a scene, whether it’s starting off with dialogue or remarks about the setting, there’s not a real “beginning” which I find neat.

I shall do no pressure tags for: @ladylouoflothlorien @fizzyxcustard @legolaslovely @deepestfirefun @sketch-and-write-lover and whoever else would like to participate!