#you're bi and there's a thing called comphet

[simptasia]

you know britpicking? like where an american writes a fanfic set in england, or with an english character, and they get an english friend to look through it and check through it to see if the terms and phrases are accurate? (eg. flat instead of apartment)

well i propose there be such a concept for star trek

because people in star trek talk differently than modern humans. they use different words, different slang, phrasings. yes, they can speak casually but mostly it isn't like us. watch any of 90s trek and you'll see These People Do Not Speak Like Us

and, no disrespect, a lot of fic does not reflect this. and it irks me. they just speak like modern day people instead of... star trek characters. i personally think part of the fun of writing trek characters is writing it out to how they speak and how they would think

hell, this isnt even a fanfic problem. modern trek has this issue too. i think outta laziness. they have their people talking (and when in casual wear, dressing) like 2020s people and it pisses me off

its part of why strange new worlds feels like a high budget SNL skit

annnnyways. i propose this idea be called fact trekking

[princesssmars]

better leave your man at home!

mini stories of vi, sevika, abby, and ellie showing you your true worth.

wc : 7.306

contains : sfw and nsfw. fxf. fem!reader. cheating on the men's part until ellie's part lol. ellie’s is a modern!au the rest are in canon. mentions of violence and alcohol. silco but he's chill. owen but he's not chill. reader can be interpreted as bi or comphet i think!

a/n : ladies if you're reading this...cheat on him. or cheat back. yknow what just leave him.

VIOLET ꨄ

ʚɞ ever since getting out of prison and restarting her life, vi had been looking for a new purpose.

ʚɞ she had found a solid job, managed to reconnect with wither last siblings left alive, and started to build up a life for herself, but still, she felt...aimless. she longed for a deeper connection than the ones she had, someone she could yet again.

ʚɞ and then she meets you, a sweet little store owner with a voice that sounds like a symphony and an attitude as sweet as cookies. the first time she even met you she bumped into you on the street outside your bakery, knocking you supplies for your treats all over the ground. she's expecting that usual zaunite 'watch where you're going!' but instead you tell her not to worry, that you were carrying too many things anyway.

ʚɞ it was almost instinct for her to assure you she was at fault, downright demanding she help you carry everything that dropped inside and that it was the least she could do. you call her a sweetheart and tell her if she does you'll send her home with a plate of her favorite dessert. how could she say no?

ʚɞ she cant help but to quickly hang out with you whenever she can. after her shifts she stops by to help you close up, telling you its the least she could do for someone who was oh-so sweet. you seem to welcome her affections, whispering one late night when making some extra batter that you always appreciate when she stops by. she goes home on a high that night.

ʚɞ but then the worst thing ever happens. you get a boyfriend.

ʚɞ apparently he's some old family friend who moved back to the city when he found a small fortune overseas and was ready to come back to 'win you over like he tried years ago'. you told the story with a slightly wistful voice but all vi could do was nod along with wide eyes and a shut mouth.

ʚɞ eventually, she meets the guy, a tall and rather weasly looking guy who was waiting impatiently outside the store. she gave him a simple greeting and all he could do was tilt his head in recognition that she was there, apparently. she passed him and went to the back of the store and asked you what he was doing standing outside looking all suspicious. her eyes nearly bulged out of her head when you told her he was waiting to take you out but had to stand outside because he couldn't stand the smell of bread.

ʚɞ yeah, this definitely wasn't gonna last long. she’d just have to get you to see that.

ʚɞ sadly, she didn't have to do much work. ton a sunny day when the two of you were walking through the upper city levels together you stopped in your tracks, a talking vi whose arm was wrapped with yours questioning what made you stop before following your eyesight to see your boyfriend in the arms of another woman, way too close for comfort. vi wanted nothing more in that moment than to go and knock the bastard's lights out, but she had to prioritize you first.

ʚɞ you go into a depression for a week, your shop closed and your apartment locked as you skulk and cry in your home. but thankfully you gave vi a key not too long into your friendship, and she wakes you up one afternoon and demands you go and clean yourself up while she takes care of your chores.

ʚɞ you come out of the shower feeling rejuvenated and refreshed, your mood only lifting higher at the smell of cookies in the air. you pad out to the kitchen and cant help but smile when you see vi standing with a tray of perfectly made chocolate chip cookies on the island counter.

ʚɞ you sit up on your counter and moan at the taste of the cookies, vi accepting your praise of her baking skills with pride as she rubs over your bare thighs. eventually the topic steers to your recent heartbreak and vi makes sure you can complain and vent to her all you want.

ʚɞ but the last thing she wants to hear is you blaming yourself, teary-eyed and mumbling about how maybe you were too overbearing in your affections. she gently but sternly brings your attention to her, making sure you look her in the eyes when she goes on about how you’re the nicest and most soft-natured person she’s ever known and he was a fool to not see what an amazing woman he had in front of him.

ʚɞ and you cant help but feel even worse at the clear effect her affection has on you, unconsciously biting her lip at her praise and closeness. her eyes dart down to your lips and back to your eyes, slowly inching her head forward for permission. as soon as you slightly nod your head she’s kissing you with months of pent-up adoration, warmth, and lust.

ʚɞ a small part of you feels guilty for moving on to your close friend only a week after you broke up with your boyfriend, but when her fingers are drifting down to your cunt and making you cry as you cum over and over again, you can't find it in you to care.

ʚɞ “he was an idiot to give up on someone as sweet as you. but down worry muffin, i’m not gonna take that chance.”

SEVIKA ꨄ

ʚɞ sevika had made a promise to herself years ago: don't mess with married women.

ʚɞ she could give herself some grace, she was young and dumb, and the woman was incredibly gorgeous. and when a woman with legs that could bring any person woman or man to their knees comes up to you and asks you your plans for the night, you cant exactly pass up the opportunity. though she wishes she did after her partner caught them together in bed and she got in one of the worst fights of her life.

ʚɞ but she had to admit things in her life were getting a bit…stale, to say the least. her schedule was a steady routine of doing tasks for silco, reeling in jinx, and keeping the last drop working like a well-oiled machine. she didn't want anything drastic that would screw up their plans to happen, just…something.

ʚɞ and oh, does she get it. some out of towner got too rowdy in the bar and started a bar fight and before she could come in and get things under control theirams leg gets broken. so now she’s tasked with finding a good enough replacement to cover him for the few months it gets healed since he for some reason couldn't just take a shimmer dose and get back on his feet in no time.

ʚɞ she goes through dozens of recruits, all either too disobedient or downright atrocious behind a bar. she’s just about to give up and force one of the goons to do it when you come through the door. you’re rather unassuming, and at first she things you’re joking until you travel behind the bar and instruct her to give you any drink and you can make it. after ten different drinks she’s more than convinced.

ʚɞ she doesn't talk to you much at first, you’re just another cog in the machine that keeps the enterprise running smoothly. obviously she’s noticed that you’re attractive, surrounded by a stern but easy-going aura that makes most customers sit and want to talk to you for hours on end. it amused her when she watched how you convinced three different patrons to buy some more drinks so you’d continue telling them a wild story of some adventure you apparently had in bilgewater years back.

ʚɞ she can't help but ask you if its true later when the bar is closing and you’re wiping everything down, rolling her eyes when you call her out for listening to your conversations. you reveal that all your stories of adventure and excitement are true, but that you gave that life up when you decided to settle down after you get married.

ʚɞ she scoffs that the woman you married must be a hell of a catch to get you to leave behind such an exciting life, and she sees your eyes drop when you reveal that life with your husband is a nice and quiet alternative to your days of danger. sevika’s always had a good poker face, and she’s really glad she has it now after hearing you gave up all of that for a guy. and that her gaydar was apparently wrong, which never happens.

ʚɞ but its almost like this is the challenge her mind has been looking for, because after that conversation she keeps having late-night talks with you when no one else is around. you’re disarmingly easy to talk to, able to show a compassion and understanding that isn’t common for the folks down here. its only a few hours after she gets a bit too tipsy and accidentally lets slip a story about her upbringing that she lays in bed and slaps her human hand to her forehead in frustration when instead of being embarrassed all she can think about is your soft hand gently rubbing her shoulder as she poured her heart out.

ʚɞ she is so screwed.

ʚɞ eventually, you draw silco’s attention. mostly because the profits from the bar have nearly doubled since you started working, partly because he can tell a certain someone is distracting sevika. he gave her a list of tasks one day that he could tell she hated doing and she went off with a nod and without a word, and she either had a new woman in her life or she was about to snap. he made sure to find out about you a few minutes later, and asked/demanded to know more about your life. in particular, any outside connections you had.

ʚɞ sevika doesn't know whether she wants to thank silco or kill him when you’re given a more permanent position at the bar and finally introduce the crew to your husband, a man who silco has apparently given a job in his booking department. when sevika pulls him aside later to ask why he would od something like that, he just. shrugs. silco never just shrugs.

ʚɞ now that you’ve basically part of their little crime family it's even easier for sevika to spend more time with you. unfortunately for you jinx has taken a liking to you, but you handle it well and always make sure to give the girl her favorite drink in her favorite cup whenever she stops in the bar to babble on about some new weapon of mayhem she’s decided to make.

ʚɞ but after a few weeks she notices your mood start to sour, how you start getting snippy with some of the more rowdy drunks who stumble through the bar. she catches you a few hours after closing sat behind the bar with a half drunken bottle in your hand and mascara running down your cheeks. normally if this was anyone else she’d scoff to herself and quickly make her exit but instead she plops herself down next to you and demands you tell her what's wrong. through hiccups and tears, you tell her that you’re pretty sure your husband is lying to you. about a lot. in particular about where he spends his nights and comes back grumbling about ‘unfair bets’ and losing cash.

ʚɞ sevika assures you she’ll get to the bottom of it, and it only takes her a few hours of trailing thee guy to find out the problem. it seems your betrothed has been gambling your money away in seedy gambling circles, with some guys she swore she told to cut it out months ago when it came to rigging their dice when playing with tourists. but the amounts he’s using are definitely more than what either of you are making on a salary.

ʚɞ she tries not to smile when she picks the excuse of a man up by the back of his neck with her mech hand, reveling in the horrified look on his face as he makes up excuse after excuse for why he’s been stealing money from you and the boss, that he swears he’ll make it back up to silco-

ʚɞ you come in the next day as confused as ever, whispering that your husband packed up his things in the middle of the night and disappeared. sevika sits you down and explains that your husband was a thief, stealing hundreds from silco rather sloppily under his nose, and was dealt with in a timely manner. but she assures you that you won't be affected by any debts he may have had, she’ll make sure of it and make sure none of those gamblers come after you.

ʚɞ you only grow closer and closer after that night, and its no surprise you start to catch feelings for the gorgeous woman who constantly makes sure you’re safe and protected. its on one of the bars rather more exciting nights that you relent and play a drinking game with some members of the crew, and in a moment of weakness accidentally admit that since your husband left you haven't been laid in weeks, and in an additional moment of weakness admit that the first person you’d like to rock your world would be none other than silco’s second hand.

ʚɞ it was just your luck that the woman was walking by when the words left your lips, and fueled by her own dose of liquid courage came up behind you and whispered that she was free at that moment.

ʚɞ you expected many things when you settled down in zaun, and getting bent in half for hours on end by the second in command to the rule of the underground was not one of them. but when sevika groans in your ear and moans about how you have the tightest pussy she’s ever had the pleasure of taking, you’re really glad it happened to you.

ʚɞ “god, i’m really not gonna be able to stay away from you now. promise that the next time you get married you’re not gonna have to worry about being disappointed ever again.”

ʚɞ (when sevika walks in the next morning with a rare smile on her face silco does admit that he hired your husband knowing he’d be an idiot that she’d have to get rid of. you’re welcome.)

ABBY ꨄ

ʚɞ abby never saw herself as a jealous person. she’d only been in one relationship before, and even though it ended rather sourly she knew it was only natural that they’d both eventually move on. but when she sees you, a new wlf recruit walking and smiling side by side with owen, she feels…weird. really weird.

ʚɞ she does feel bad that as soon as he introduces you all to the group at a small party thrown by some of the soldiers all she can manage is tight-lipped smile and a small wave. you visibly deflate and smile it off, immediately pulled away by nora and leah to grab some drinks. manny butts her shoulder with his, giving her that ‘what the hell?’ look he loves to do. she defensively apologizes, because how should she react? her ex-boyfriend clearly has a thing for you, is she supposed to be all buddy buddy with you?

ʚɞ it doesn't help that its clear to everyone that you’re pretty. like, weirdly pretty for someone in the middle of an apocalyptic setting. crystal clear skin, smooth lips, and eyes of a beautiful shade. she caught herself staring once in the gym as you laughed with one of the trainers and had to quickly get herself together.

ʚɞ isaac must be playing a sick game because you then get assigned to go with her on patrol. she initially resented, questioning why you were tagging along when you mostly worked with the medics and mel was already trailing along. he said that apparently you had asked for the chance to get some more field practice and left it at that, dismissing her with a wave.

ʚɞ she was quiet for most of the ride to the patrol spot, hands tight on the steering wheel as you sat in the back of the truck with the others in the group and laughed at some story one the guys was talking about.

ʚɞ god, even your laugh is cute, she thinks as she carefully maneuvers the truck around a downed tree. youre like if a dream girl was placed down in this wasteland to torture her, a giant sign to tell her of course owen went after you, you were perfect. more perfect than she could be.

ʚɞ it isnt helpful that shes left partnered with you as you clear out the abandoned store in the strip mall they've all been sent to check and re-clear the spaces if necessary. she finds herself frustrated when you very reasonably and very smartly stick to her side the whole time. she swears she almost trips over an overgrown branch when she catches a whiff of your soap and she doesnt know where the hell you managed to snag vanilla flavored anything.

ʚɞ everything is fine for a while. you both remain vigilant as you walk through the barely lit aisles of the department store, the only action when a clicker jumps up out of nowhere and nearly tackled you before she’s roughly pushing you out of the way and kicking out its knees before bashing in its head with her boot. she’s panting and catching her breath before roughly asking if you were alright and reminding you to stay vigilant, taking your wide eyed stare for shock at a close encounter to what would be a rather painful death.

ʚɞ but despite her rather abrasive attitude you try your best to be friendly with her. you reveal that owen did confide about their past relationship, and as awkward as the situation sometimes was you wouldn’t let it drive a wedge between you, that you in fact wanted to be friends with abby. you had heard a great many things about her, how she was a loyal friend, a courageous leader, clearly an incredibly strong soldier-

ʚɞ her brain. short circuits a bit. the way you called her strong, like it was fact that was so obvious that she’d already proven it to you just by being out here. sure she’d pushed you of out the trajectory of that clicker but that was normal, anyone should and would do the same. she realizes you wouldn’t get the chance to see any displays of strength like that back in the base save for the visits to the gym, and a foreign voice in her head laments what a shame that is.

ʚɞ she doesn’t realize until a day later just how screwed she is.

ʚɞ whatever weird…feelings she has for you don’t even get a chance to go away or settle, just fester and multiply with your constant presence. where abby is her friends are close by, and that now includes you. at small get togethers, shared gym workouts, breakfast lunch and dinner hangouts, you’re always there with a bright smile and a warm greeting for her. she thinks she’s hiding whatever it is she’s hiding pretty well until nora pulls her to the side and asks why she just keeps staring at you whenever you’re around, that she understand there might be some lingering feelings of jealousy and resentment towards owen but that’s no reason to treat you rudely.

ʚɞ abby stumbles over her words, insisting that she’s not treating you rudely, that’s the last thing she would want to do. who would ever do that to someone as nice and sweet and gorgeous as you? she ends her mini explanation with a stiff chuckle and looks at nora who’s now staring at her with an open mouth and a flabbergasted look on her face.

ʚɞ so it’s clear that abby likes you. she doesn’t know how to grapple with the fact, and decides its best to just deal with it privately and wait for it to just pass as most things do. the only person who knows is nora, who after not talking to her for a few hours after their last encounter came back to abby’s room to apologize for walking out on her in a moment where they so clearly needed to talk more about what was just revealed. she assures abby that she’ll help her through this but it’s very confusing to herself as well. it’s not every day you have to deal with your best friend falling in love with her boyfriends new girlfriend.

ʚɞ she doesn’t agree with abby’s method, frequently telling her that dealing with this in private will only have the opposite effect. and just like normally she’s right, abby’s increased attempt at distance from you only peaks your worry and drives you to constantly check in on her to make sure she’s okay. one day you come by her room after one of your workouts, and the sight of you covered in a thin sheen of sweat in shorts and a tank asking her sweetly if she’s feeling okay and if she’d like to join you for lunch let’s her know for sure that she really can’t do this for much longer.

ʚɞ so she’s tries her best to try a different approach : exposure therapy. as bad as it sounds, she’s sure once she starts spending more time with you she’ll realize you aren’t some mythical girl of of her dreams and are just a normal person who’s dating her ex and who she can totally just be normal friends with. she comes up to you in the halls a few days later and asks if you’d like her to help you train for more field work and you beam up at her before wrapping your arms around her neck and thanking her a multitude of times before composing yourself. you go one about how you were so eager to prove yourself and you’d do no better than to have the abby anderson teaching you the basics. she zoned out as soon as she felt your skin against the back of her neck, nodding along to all of your words with a doe-eyed blank look.

ʚɞ it’s really nice bonding with you over the course of a few short weeks. you quickly pick up on the things she teaches you, and whatever you don’t she’s more than eager to help you learn. she hates to admit it but her conscious cheered a little bit when you told her you needed help aiming one of the bigger rifles, and it nearly screamed when she got to place herself behind you and helped you aim at the target practice. maybe she’s a bit delusional at this point but she swears she felt your body relax into hers, felt your breath stutter just a bit when her chest met your back.

ʚɞ and she knows it’s serious when she trusts you enough to share her space in the library. it’s a night when manny has a girl over so she’s in her usual cozy spot surrounded by the book shelves when she shears your gentle footsteps and call of her name, remarking that you initially went to the room out of loneliness about owen being gone for the night but came here when a breathless and shirtless manny told you her usual sleepover spot. she invites you to settle in with her in her heap of old blankets surrounded by dusty novels, trying her best to remain calm when you lean your head on her shoulders and insisted she keep reading her current book aloud.

ʚɞ she wakes up to the early morning light with her head rested on top of yours, snuggled up to battle the chill of the stadium air and your hand clamped around her arm. when she looks down at your face and wishes she could see you like this every day she realizes that she is really, really screwed.

ʚɞ luckily she doesn’t have to wait long to see you like that again. well, the circumstances are rather horrid. yet another soldier was having small secret party ok one of the larger stadium dorms and you were glued to abby’s side. everyone besides nora was confused but happy that the two of you seemed to be getting along so well, and nora herself kept giving abby looks that were a mixture between pity, worry, and just a bit of ‘you need to just get this off of your chest to anyone else but me’ annoyance.

ʚɞ abby was your designated drink manager, constantly making sure you weren’t too drunk and were drinking enough water to stave off any of the negative effects of the smuggled in alcohol they brought in for the party. you’re both sitting on one of the couches and observing the party when you make an off handed comment about not seeing owen for a while and abby decides to sit you down snuggly on the couch while she goes to look for him to appease your tipsy haze. her search leads her down the hallway, and it’s only when she hears an object drop in a nearby maintenance closet does she find out the truth.

ʚɞ she whips open the door to see owen and mel in a rather…well, let’s just say a really lewd position. in the midst of being disgusted and infuriated she finds a bit of amusement at mousy mel of all people doing a drunken hookup in a dingy closet. owen hurriedly tries to fix himself and his pants, insisting to abby that it’s not what it looks like, and suddenly his eyes lock on an object behind her and she turns around to see you, teary eyed and clearly betrayed before you silently stoop off to the direction of your own room.

ʚɞ abby is normally a calm person. as a soldier she isn’t afforded the luxury to let her emotions get the better of her in moments of stress. but seeing you with tears in your eyes and a wobbly lip makes her wish she broke owen’s nose on the spot. collecting all of her composure, she slaws the closet door in his face and quickly runs after you.

ʚɞ she quickly chases after you, making her way down the stadium halls until she finds your bedroom door agape, quickly knocking and entering when she hears your quiet cry demanding owen leave. she makes sure to announce who she is once she settles in beside you on your bed, gently extending her hands to make sure shes allowed to physically comfort you before pulling you into a tight hug once you let her know it’s okay.

ʚɞ she had again struggles to keep her composure when you cry into her shoulder, not minding the tears staining her t-shirt when she hears you weep about what a fool you wer, how you were such an idiot to believe that someone like him could truly care about you.

ʚɞ in the morning, she can blame the weeks of pent up feelings, or maybe the cup of beer she had an hour before, but she can’t stop herself from grabbing your shoulders and turning you towards her, commanding your attention before she reveals that should’ve warned you about owen earlier, that she should’ve known he would take advantage of someone with as sweet a nature as you. She’s always known he was a fool, but to ruin his chances of someone like you is the dumbest thing he ever could’ve done.

ʚɞ when you sniffle and look up at her with those shiny eyes and puffy lips and ask her if that’s true she feels her composed facade slipping, hands shaky as she reaches up to wipe your tears away before letting her palm letting her fingers trail down your face, biting her lip when she sees your eyelids flutter closer when her hands start to ghost down your neck.

ʚɞ she doesn’t feel sorry when she watches you take off your top, doesn’t feel guilt when she pushes you down to the bed and lets her lips bite and kiss from your neck to her chest and draw out all manners of whines and gasps from your throat. and when she feels your hips lift up and grind into her crotch, when her hands attach themselves to your hips and forces you to bring yourself to an orgasm in your pants, she doesn’t give a shit how it’ll seem when she parades you around the stadium tomorrow.

ʚɞ manny and nora are open mouthed and shocked when you walk hand in hand into the cafeteria the next morning, both starry eyed and covered in love bites as you sit together nearly attached at the hip. when owen walks in a few minutes later and quickly storms out after seeing the two of you, abby can’t help but shrug when manny asked her what the hell is going on.

ʚɞ “owen had his chance, and he should learn that jealously is a monster.”

ELLIE ꨄ

ʚɞ in moments like these ellie remembers laughing at how her fellow lesbians would fall for their straight friends in middle and high school and end up with broken hearts and broken friendships. and now as she sits across from you and listens to you lament about your boyfriend, she realizes that karma is real and she is totally a bitch.

ʚɞ truly, she has no one to blame, but herself the moment she saw you walk into the record store she worked at she knew that this would only lead to trouble for herself. It was obvious to Dina, who lightly pushed his shoulder and told her to stop drooling and to focus on her work and not fall into another relationship so soon after her catastrophic breakup with cat. she had rolled her eyes at the brunette and assured her nothing would happen, that she’d politely introduce herself, help you buy a product, and never think about or see you again.

ʚɞ god, what an idiot she was.

ʚɞ as soon as she introduced herself, you complemented her tattoo, mention that you had wanted one but were too indecisive about a design and placement. before she can even think of what she wants to say she’s telling you that wouldn’t mind hooking you up with her tattoo artist who could help you decide what you wanted. hell, she wouldn’t mind helping you decide what kind of vibe you were going for when it came to the body art and where exactly on your body would be best to showcase it.

ʚɞ you’re beaming up at her and thanking her, telling her that she really is just too kind. she’s even kinder when she continues to talk to you as she helps you look through the store, helping you decide which record would be best for your collection.

ʚɞ and helping you pick out another record as a gift. for your boyfriend. she can hear dina snicker at the counter all the way from three aisles away, passing it off as allergies when you turn to look at her.

ʚɞ but it’s not like she’s gonna fall for you. she gives you her number, but that’s because she already promised she’d help you with the tattoo stuff. and sure she talks with you for hours the following week and even goes with you to the parlor for moral support, but that’s because she’s a good person! and you even told her she’s a great friend for helping you with this! she’s just being friendly.

ʚɞ soon enough she basically becomes your new best friend. she doesn’t know how it happened really, somewhere between helping you when your car broke down in the middle of the road and having dinner with your parents when they demand to meet the person who’s been taking up an extra chunk of their daughters time. it’s frightening how easy it is to just be with you, to talk to you about any and everything. she remembers it took dina pestering her at work for weeks for them to become friends, and here she is laughing with your dad over roasted chicken after a month.

ʚɞ dina and jesse call her delusional. when the former shows the latter a picture of you on the instagram account you have to ellie he folds over in laughter and tells ellie oh so eloquently that she’s definitely going to fall for you, it’s only inevitable. but she remains vigilant that she wouldn’t do something so dumb. i mean yeah you’re basically exactly her type, like a deity went into one of her wet dreams and plucked the woman she manifested and placed you in the real world, but she was strong. there were plenty of fish in the sea. plenty of gay fish, to be exact.

ʚɞ she tries to go on dates, scrolls through tinder and likes every other attractive viable woman she sees. she even manages to have a few hookups. its really just a coincidence that they have some of your similar characteristics, truly. she’s not actually looking for you in any of these girls, that’d just be weird.

ʚɞ but then it happens. she has a girl over, her leg thrown over her shoulder as she grinds herself into the pretty girl’s cunt. she’s lost in a high after the blunt they’d shared earlier and her heads thrown back as she’s letting out expletive after expletive, and then she does it. she moans your name. she pauses, the girl pauses, and its silent as they remove their entangled limbs from each other and rigidly lay in bed side by side. it hurts even worse than the embarrassment when the girl pats her shoulder with a smile after she’s put her clothes back on, wishing her luck with whatever’s goin on between the two of you.

ʚɞ there’s no point in denying it then. she doesn't even get the chance to keep it to herself, the next day when she’s watching a movie on your couch you poke and prod at her until she reveals what’s got her in such a sour mood. she doesn't tell you the full story, of course, just that something absolutely mortifying happened last night when she was riding some girl. she groans that she didn't even get to finish and that was way worse then what she said, hoping the joke will ease some of the embarrassment she has telling the story and the guilt about passively lying to you.

ʚɞ she doesn't notice how you hips shift in your seat, how your teeth bite at the skin of your lip. she does notice when you question what she meant by riding a girl. she cant help but think about how adorable you are before explaining the position in the nicest way possible. you hum and turn your attention back to the movie and she thinks that's the end of the conversation. but only seconds later you’re asking her to show you.

ʚɞ she thinks she's dreaming. no, she knows she's dreaming. its happened before, weird dreams she has after a strong high where she swears her dreams become all the more vivid and lifelike. it was super annoying the second time it happened, she woke up to a world where she in fact did not win the lottery and get to make out with her celebrity crush. but this is just cruel, she didn't know her brain could be so masochistic. but no, the feel of your hand shaking her shoulder and shyly asking if you’ve made her uncomfortable is real, your big eyes flitting to anywhere but hers is real.

ʚɞ she stutters over her words, asking if you really mean it. and you say yeah, you’d been curious about this anyway. it wouldn't hurt to do it with ellie, you were friends, right? and god what an idiot she was because she’s nodding along like of course, this couldn’t make your friendship weird at all, right? so she gets to work, not doing anything too lewd except for gently pushing you to lie on your back as she maneuvers her body over yours, placing her crotch over yours until she can feel the heat of you through her jeans. she tries not to show a reaction to the sight of you looking up at her, curious and flushed as your hand briefly comes up to rest on her hip. its only when your hips delicately press up into hers that she abruptly removes herself from on top of you, stiffly chuckling before recommending you get back to the movie.

ʚɞ neither of you bring it up again.

ʚɞ it’s so much more difficult to be around you now. before she was resolute in the fact that she was alone in whatever weird feelings she had towards you, but eventually she might move on. but with only a few actions you threw that whole viewpoint out the window. now it was clear that you were interested. maybe not in ellie but in sex with another woman. a small part of her is upset at the fact it might not be her. its only cliche that if you started having these feelings you’d fall for your gay best friend, who the hell else were you thinking about? whatever, that wasn't important.

ʚɞ what was important was what occurred over the next few weeks. it happens slowly but surely, your complaints about your intimate troubles with your boyfriend. now ellie had met the guy before, and it made her feel slightly better that she had a valid reason right from the start not to like him. the man was clearly an ass, looking her up and down the first time they met and giving her a ‘yeah you’re weird’ look that he apparently didn’t think she’d recognize. luckily she didn’t have to see him often, only seeing him in passing when she spent time with you at yours or picked you up to go hang out.

ʚɞ but now his weirdness is apparently front and center. she nearly chokes on her chipotle when you tell her that he questioned why the two of you were spending so much time together, feeling like ellie was going to make a move on you.

ʚɞ and yeah, it was offensive. just because she was a lesbian didn’t mean she wanted to jump the bones of every woman she met. unfortunately that didn’t apply here because she very much did want to jump your bones. not like he knew that. hopefully.

ʚɞ but she doesn’t want to get in the way of your relationship, begrudgingly recommending that maybe the two of you should spend some time apart so he can chill out and realize he’s being paranoid. she’s very happy to hear your quick rebuttal, remarking how you’d rather dump him then spend any more time away from her.

ʚɞ god you are making this so confusing. and it only reaches a head the next time she sees you. you’d texted her to ask if she could come over late at night and obviously she said she would, along with a bag of your favorite drinks and snacks just in case you got peckish. so she’s sitting on the couch as you both eat some shareable m&ms when the topic becomes a bit more…intimate.

ʚɞ she notices your rigid shoulders as you sit stark straight on the couch and laughs about how pent up you must be. your following laugh is awkward as you agree that you have been a bit stressed lately. so she tells a joke, that your boyfriend isn’t up to par in bed. she expects you to laugh and hit her shoulder but you nod your head.

ʚɞ you…nod your head. and then you turn to her, and she’s getting flashbacks to the last time you were this close on your couch. her face is hot as whisper that the past few times you’ve tried to sleep with your boyfriend he, as you eloquently put it, ‘just pumps and dumps’, and brushes you off whenever you bring up the fact that you haven’t had a release. that as much as it ashamed you to say it, once he falls asleep next to you you sometimes find your hand trailing under your shorts and thinking back to her stories of the hookups she told you about, wishing she could show you how all of that felt.

ʚɞ ellie has always liked your bedroom. its soft and sweet, with vines of fake ivy hanging across the ceiling and a large canopy hanging over the bed. you even have an adorable collection of stuffed animals, a few of them gifted to you by her throughout the months of your friendship. all of the little guys have been shoved to the floor now, and for a fleeting moment she things they’re really just going to have to understand before her mind is consumed again with you, how you’re pretty flushed face is staring and moaning up at her as her wrist nearly cramps with how fast her fingers are pistoning into your wet cunt.

ʚɞ you haven’t even touched her and she’s already on cloud nine. your confession nearly made her pass out, and she swore she had died and gone to heaven when you asked her to help you with your problem and grabbed her hand to lead her to your bed. it was like her horniest dream come true to see you undress, to feel over your skin, to lower her head to your pussy and try her best to suck out your soul in the most loving way possible.

ʚɞ she feels her boxers get soaked when you cum around her fingers again, legs wrapping around her waist and head raising to muffle your sounds in her shoulder. she swore she nearly came when you bit into her shoulders, already knowing she was going to look into the mirror later to look at the mark your teeth left on her with a smile. but she didn’t predict for you to be so insatiable, for as soon as she pulls her fingers out of your cunt you’re whining and grinding your hips up into hers, whispering little *‘please, el, need more’*s

ʚɞ “don’t worry, baby, i’ll give you whatever you want. swear once i’m done you’re never even gonna think of that stupid boyfriend of yours again.”

[genderqueerdykes]

One of my friends who previously identified as gay is now in the process of realizing it's bisexual, and honestly I'm proud of it for being open to changing labels when it realizes something new. However, some of its other friends have made jokes about how it's "regressing" or how it's "letting the comphet get to it" which, as a bi person myself, is kind of making me side-eye them a bit. I'm honestly so tired of bisexuality being treated as "less queer" than being gay.

i really, really am, too, you're not alone in this.

first of all, i'm so sorry your friends are saying that, because that is literal queerphobia. like i'm sick of this too, because this is exactly what kept me from identifying as bisexual even though i knew i was. i was forced to identify as gay because if i didn't, people around me would call me straight. there was literally a period in time where i was dating a man and woman at the same time and people still would call me straight whenever it benefitted them

i haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate when people use "comphet" when talking about bisexuals. comphet is a difficult subject and it has a lot very questionable talking points. generally, i see compulsive heterosexuality as what people do before they realize they're queer, while they're questioning, if they're in denial, or if they live somewhere where they just can't come out as queer so they force themselves to be straight. like that's not what comphet is or means

people have to get over themselves and accept that all modes of attraction a bisexual experiences is queer. unless someone explicity considers their bisexuality to be half gay/queer, half straight... it's best to recognize that all of their modes of attraction are queer. a bisexual man attracted to women is experiencing queer attraction. they are bisexual. unless this is explicitly how they state so, they are experiencing bisexual, not heterosexual attraction toward women.

bisexual women experience queer attraction to men. they experience bisexual attraction toward men. unless explicitly stated that they personally see that attraction as straight, it's queer. it's inherently queer because it is a bisexual person experiencing it. i don't understand why it's so hard for people to wrap their heads around.

i'm not suddenly straight because im a man who's attracted to both women and men. i'm not suddenly straight because i'm a woman who's attracted to both men and women. this is literally queer attraction, i'm experiencing multiple modes of attraction at once. "straight" attraction doesn't "cancel out" gay attraction. they exist alongside one another. they're both happening at once. you can't take 1 experience out of BIsexuality and focus on it. there are TWO OR MORE experiences happening, all at once. isolating one of them is a disservice to the bisexual.

bisexuality is queer. always. 100% of the time, unless defined otherwise. bisexuality challenges the binary of cisheternormative society by saying that gender doesn't matter when it comes to attraction. we show that the line between queer and straight isn't as defined as people think it is. we show that being attracted to any variety of genders can be queer. bisexual people completely break the "straight/gay" attraction binary, and if that scares you, get out of our way, because we're not leaving.

if it's genuinely scary to people that bisexual people literally challenge the straight/gay attraction binary... why are they here? wouldn't you be much more comfortable in the cisheteronormative society you love to suck up to? like genuine question there. if people breaking boundaries threatens you, why are you even here?

i hope things get better for it, and yourself. that's just so shitty of your friends. they need to care about biphobia, because they're making it harder on your friend to accept itself, and that's not what queer community is about. we don't do that here.

[croquettish]

Listen please feel free to ignore my idle ramblings. You just inspire me to bring my thoughts to paper and I always love to read your take on everything.

Honestly I also very much read Hans as a comphet gay man all the way.

He feels like the most overcompensating character ever. He makes loving women his whole entire brand which is so sad to watch sometimes.

The way he is expressing his attraction to Henry feels leagues removed from the way he is trying to court every single woman in the game.

He doesn't need flashy gestures or words for Henry. When it's real you dont need as much embellishment so to say.

For the first time in the games he sounds and acts natural with someone else he expresses interest in. Like it's not just a show he has to put on for everyone else except for his own enjoyment as whenever he interacts with women.

He looks like he is freaking melting with Henry.

I honestly also even think his constant trips to the bath house in the first game are just for basically spa treatments and not much else happens there. I think I even remember him saying something along the lines of he just likes being pampered.

It makes me really confused how people can think there were no signs of him being gay in the first game. What do these people think gay people would have acted like in a time when it might as well be a death sentence or a life as a monk AT BEST to express your true feelings.

I think Hans reaction, trying his best to be perceived as the most women loving giga chad ever is honestly the only sign I needed to realize that that can't be quite true. It feels fake all over. I sometimes wonder if they originally intended this whole attitude to feel genuine, but realized in the making how that just doesn't feel right at all and switched up his character accordingly? Like he's a character breaking free from his own pre intended writing somehow?

If you're reading him as Bi absolutely a valid opinion as well though! No hate only love!

Another point I just saw in your most recent post I wondered a lot about is the part of gaining reputation with Hans in the first game when being talked back to/down to (I think there also is at least one instance in the second game when I called him a brat and got reputation).

Honestly I think it's much to do with his low self esteem and probably not great metal health.

When you're struggling with your mental health because of your family situation like he does with Hanush you never get to develop a clear sense of self and deep self love and self respect. And various people deal with it in different ways, wheather they pull back into themselves and become people pleaser or they go another route like Hans and build this air of very high self regard around them. Of course either way it's all just a charade hiding his very vulnerable and self loathing core. Which sometimes makes flattery feel uncomfortable and being talked down to like self affirmation even if that's super twisted.

The way he talks to Hanush in the first game especially is so different from his snarky self. He is utterly defeated in the face of that man. He doesn't get angry how he usually does until after talking to him, he only ever meekly tries to even get a word in. He's belittled, not taken seriously and treated like a completely useless person and he doesn't really do anything. I think that's how a lot of people act in the face of a parental abuser that they learned not to set off even more.

(Honestly why I loathe Hanush. He's not one of the "bad guys" the games try to present. He is portrayed as a likable if hot headed guy, but he's an abuser in my eyes and is absolutely to blame for how Hans sees the world and himself).

Same as the unhealthy way of self harm Hans developed in making sure he stays unlikable so to say. For instance when trying to push Henry away when they are in the pillory. Even Henry sees that Hans is just saying mean things that he doesn't mean at all, just saying them to make sure Henry stops liking him and leaves. He never learned that he is allowed to be cared for like that so he has to make sure it stops. He has to make sure he is alone, uncared for, deprived of his only friend. That's a form of self harm if I've ever seen one. It honestly blew my mind that they added that. That whole scene is very rich when looked at from a mental health point of view in their interactions. When using the "Swear" option when playing as Henry he says something like "Who could ever be proud of you?!" and that seems to hit Hans like a ton of bricks crushing him. He looks like he is going to cry immediately and doesn't even come back with something to say like before, because that hit home like nothing else.

Like in their divorce era he snaps out of his self imposed agony and split from Henry as soon as Henry gets hurt because that's too much, that's not related to his self imposed denying himself his happiness. Even when you're fighting Old Semine at the wedding in swordfighting he is freaking cheering you on like he isn't really mad with you. It's not Henry he wants to hurt but himself.

I think that man is wildly unwell mentally and that's one more thing I really love about the way he and Henry interact with each other.

Henry seems to be somehow aware of that whole struggle and doesn't interact with it in an unhealthy or harmful way most of the time.

He is a caring man at the end of the day and that is exactly what Hans needs to heal, strengthen his sense of self and become a better version of himself.

Sorry again for putting like 5 different points in here. But I would honestly love to read your take. You always inspire me to think more about these characters I love.

Why would I ever ignore your idle ramblings when they're so insightful!!!! Also thank you so much, it honestly makes me super happy that people find value in my hyperfixation of picking this game and its characters apart. The fact that my own ramblings inspire you to think about these games and their characters in more depth makes me extremely happy ❤️

So for starters I'm so glad that I'm not the only one that reads Hans as a comphet gay man. There are honestly so many hints that he's overcompensating in the biggest way. As I said in my initial post about why Henry pushes Hans away at first, @hallowedlore pointed out that Hans' vibe of "love? I never knew love till now!" [five minutes later] "love? I never knew love till—" can be VERY indicative of queerness. Because of course he hasn't found the right girl; he was never looking for a girl at all. There are so many examples of this. Similarly, as @codeword-art pointed out here, noblemen are "supposed to be proud, stern, with a love for women," which, as they put it, most likely "stems from Hans' own doubts about his own sexuality." I could not agree more with this.

It's honestly not surprising to me that Hans has no idea how to act around women because he didn't grow up around them at all. His mother is either dead or ditched him and he didn't grow up with much of anyone, let alone any peers. But he did at least have Hanush around to act as a sort of male rolemodel. He had Captain Bernard and semi-frequently saw other noblemen. Women of his status, not so much. It's no wonder he doesn't really interact with either Rosa or Katherine, but even there, he seems more comfortable around Katherine because she's more like the women he was exposed to, castle staff and bath wenches.

I'm also inclined to agree with you about his trips to the baths. And not just because we find out he tried to convince one of the women to strip for him by playing dice with her (when he could have just asked her to) and then, after failing, used that as a conceit for how to try and get Henry naked… but also because he's so fucking bad at it. I tried for quite a while to find the post here but someone recently showed off a conversation Hans can have with one of the bath maids near Devil's Den, which is just so, so profoundly pathetic. Iirc this is during the fake Karolina era when he is white knuckling down on the last vestiges of heterosexuality that he thought he had.

It's interesting too that there is a non-zero chance (not a large chance, mind, just the possibility of it) that Hans could be a virgin. Like I think that's kind of fucking hysterical that for all his showboating it is possible for it to all be 100% fake pretend bravado. Do I think this is likely? Not really. But it's possible. Because we have only ever seen him strike out with women and we know for a fact that it is canon that he struck out with the real Karolina as well. He's bad at this! He fawns over Klara and goes to the baths to see her even though she's the only one of the bath maids there where touching is off the table. We also know that he's an idealist and a romantic who loves love. It wouldn't surprise me if he would look at sex he could pay for at a bathhouse as a sort of... hollow thing that wouldn't appeal to him. But by god, he'd pretend up and down and left and right that it does.

Another thing that should be commented on here that you brought up as well to a degree is this scene—and here I have to draw attention to @audentesfortunaiuvatt as usual magnificent tags. We know that they're canonically nude here. And @komorebian's wonderful gifts beautifully illustrate how much this motherfucker is just straight up checking Henry out. It's not even remotely subtle. And this is far from the only time stuff like this happens in KCD1! Like I shipped them like crazy after playing the first game and I can't imagine that was entirely unintentional on the part of the dev team. I mean look at this shit!

So much of Hans' character is faking it till you make it. Except he can't fake this well enough to pass as straight. He tries so hard and even then he's fucking transparent.

I maintain that I do think part of the reason that he enjoys when Henry gets smart with him is because he's willing to treat him like a person instead of an object, but like I said in my last meta post I do think part of it does have to do with a lack of self-esteem. The reason he does so much showboating is in order to try and fake who he thinks he should be. He masks and plays the mimic at every possible turn.

I also agree with you that Hanush had a big influence on his mental health (and lack thereof). But I think there's a bit more nuance here than you're suggesting. Because while you can 100% read Hanush's behaviors as abusive, the real issue (for Hans as well!) is that he's not actively and consciously trying to go for that result. Hanush genuinely thinks he's doing right by Hans and leading him toward what's best for him. And lbr here, even with something like the wedding, while the thing he's leading him toward is undeniably self-serving, Hanush is also… technically correct. Divorced from Hans' emotions, it is the "correct" choice. Hanush has raised Hans into a capable ruler in concept. This, to Hanush, was undoubtedly the most important thing. He just didn't realize he had to show him love and help him grow as a person as well. As I've said before, he's a great guardian, but he's a fucking godawful parent because he has no idea what he's doing.

If you're still sitting there going "no, he's evil" then I want you to look at the tiny tiny insight we get into Hanush's psyche here. It's just five seconds long and occurs at the very end of the scene where he lectures Hans during Clothes Make the Man. I brought this up as well in my meta post about Hans' relationship with Hanush. Hanush has no idea what he's doing. He (a former robber baron and perpetually broke gambler) was handed this extremely young child to raise out of nowhere. He's not a father. He doesn't know how to raise a kid. When he agreed to raise Hans in the event that something happened to his father, Hanush (like most people who agree to be a child's godparents) most likely didn't anticipate actually having to do it. And while it was quite common in medieval Europe for nobles to "foster" their children with other noble families as a way of cementing bonds and alliances, that doesn't mean that Hanush automatically knows how to parent.

You can read his stern talks with Hans and his emotional neglect of him as abuse. But the key thing here is imo intentionality. That abuse is borne from ignorance, not malice. And in a lot of ways that lack of intentionality makes it far, far more insidious. If Hanush hated him or hit him it would be so much easier for Hans to sort of recognize that what's happening here is emotionally damaging. He can walk away from this thinking that Hanush loves him and wants what's best for him, leaving him to internalize it all without second-guessing it. Because he's never had any reason to question it. It's also why him bringing up his parents here is especially poignant. Only with Henry, only placed outside of the bounds of society, only when surrounded by people who see value in him (so much so that Zizka assigned him control of a company of men!) does he start to question the things that he's taken for granted all this time.

And it does lead to things like the self-harm you mentioned, which I've commented on, if in no other way, at least in meme format:

(That's a lie, it comes up in my fic.)

That boy hates himself so much and thinks he's so fucking useless he literally actively pushes Henry away just so he can't let him down later. He knows this whole scene was his fault and is (even if it's just subconsciously) so angry with himself and insecure about how he's dragging Henry down that he flees. Even when Henry keeps forgiving him, over and over again.

You mentioned what happens if Henry bitches him out while they're in the pillory, and I agree that it makes a ton of sense that Hans, caring about Henry's approval as much as he does, would feel absolutely gutted. But I don't think that's the most telling thing you can get out of that conversation. If you play it nice the whole way through (my preferred route of choice, bc it ends up only making Hans feel all the worse for it after), you get this bit of dialogue:

Which... hoooooo boy.

I understand you need to take it out on someone. I can take it.

And that's exactly what Hans is so terrified of! That one day Henry won't be able to stand him anymore and will leave. So he leaves first. I mean, we get front row seats to his psyche later on that confirms exactly that. Because this, the "I wasn't good enough for you," is his take on what happens regardless of how nice you are to him.

@tsinavar and I had a conversation recently where they brought up what convinces Hans to keep poaching or not is whether or not Henry brings up his own safety. Which floored me bc, yeah, it really is that simple. Hans doesn't give a shit about his own hide because he doesn't think his hide is worth all that much to begin with. But Henry? He's worth the world to Hans.

And I think Henry recognizes this. He knows Hans, inside and out. It's why he can gut him in two seconds flat but then can choose not to. A Henry who is good enough at persuading people can use that ability, combined with how well he knows Hans, to talk him out of poaching by knowing to invoke his own safety. Like, no wonder Henry means everything to Hans. He sees Hans, inside and out, and stays by his side anyway.

[that-one-english-nerd]

So this is a random question and I know that you're probably busy but what is your lgbtq hcs for Boq, Glinda, Elphaba, and Fiyero?

hey there, i’m soooo glad you asked!!

glinda : so, honestly, i have 2 separate headcanons for glinda’s sexuality that i really like! 1, is that she’s a lesbian suffering from comphet and a want to simply be loved (not projecting what so ever). i just think her and fieyro have a very ‘best friends who just so happen to be lovers energy’ that i love but could easily be Glinda simply wanting someone to love her🥺

on the other hand, i can also totally see her as omni with a preference for women as, she has a lot of love to give to everyone, but womennnnn <33

elphaba : personally, i see her as bi w a preference for women!! we just got a lot of sapphics, and honestly, who can blame them??

i could totally see her as like a demi-girl too, i think that’s pretty fitting!!

fiyero : i have never seen more of a pansexual man in my life. i mean, look at him!! he would gladly make out w anyone, w absolutely no care for what you identify as! plus, in an interview w jonathan bailey, he was talking about labels being such a frustrating thing for fiyero so I could totally see him as just being queer.

in the same vein, i don’t really fiyero thinks about his gender either so like id see him as being ok with any pronouns whatsoever, whatever you’d want to call him is fine by him.

boq : oh would you look at that? another bisexual! and hmmm, yes, another preference for women, sounds about right!

and trans boq is my new favorite thing. does he go on to hate the fact he’s made out of tin? yes but man is now part of his title soooo a win is a win for him!

anyways, i haven’t really mentioned this but if anyone wants to submit headcanon requests in my inbox, PLZ do!! i love coming up w them!! and this goes for practically any fandom i’m in at this point, but wicked and band of brothers i’m the most active in at the moment :))

anyways, tysm for the question!!!!

[ohnoitsz1m]

Comphet is a thing that happens to real people. Freemance isn't comphet. You're just averse to straight shipping because online queer communities have told you it's bad by default. Alyx Vance doesn't have to be straight but she is attracted to guys and that's okay. She can kiss Gordon Freeman and he can be a boy and that doesn't diminish Alyx's agency.

Comphet is a thing that happens to real people when a queer person dates someone of their opposite gender due to internalized homophobia. Comphet is not when two people of the opposite gender find each other attractive. That's called being straight or maybe bi

[quidfree]

hello! i've followed you to indulge in your TSH content, having just finished the book and your fanfic Sober II (Melodrama) back to back! (i'm destroyed!!)

i'm wondering if you've given any thought to whether Richard (Tartt's Richard, or yours) is gay or maybe bisexual? he ofc probably would not make that distinction himself - given the time period, or his aversion to that kind of self reflection, or the apparent finality of his relationship with Francis, or maybe all of the above - but it's fun to think about now, especially myself being someone who now IDs as a lesbian after 10 years of IDing as bi.

thank you for your service 🫡

hello! love your username btw. and thank you, glad to have you in the quidfree extended tartt community.

i like the 'tartt's richard or yours' distinction- i would say i do make an effort so that (to me at least) my richard is a plausible iteration of hers, i.e. i do not like to write so that the characters are 'my' versions unless i think the source material is bad (or at least bad in that specific way). but some of my less serious tsh material veers further into the 'my' side of the scale, for sure. anyway all that to say i don't have separate sets of thoughts on 'both' richards, it's more that there's some stuff i'm 100% on being in canon and some stuff i know i extrapolated into the extended materials my tsh fic constitute.

all that aside, i actually do not have strong feelings on whether richard is gay or bisexual. i think both have strong canon grounding and present similar but slightly different psychologies of the character. the obvious thing is that richard is repressing his attraction to men, but whether he's also comphet in his attraction to women is debatable. he's consistently attracted to them and sleeps with/dates them across all of canon, but on the other hand the key female love interests for him are 1) judy, whose interest he doesn't reciprocate 2) mona, who he sleeps with post murder in a fugue state 3) camilla, who he deifies as a feminine ideal and also always lauds the androgynous beauty/looks she shares with her brother of and 4) sophie, who does lend the most credence to him actually being into girls but also is someone he latches onto when his whole group has deserted him and then fails to emotionally connect with despite several years of dating. of course that could be the trauma, the repression, or both! but my point is there's evidence both ways, no pun intended. richard has very distinct ways of thinking about men and women but it's not as simple as one thing- there's his own self-perception/masculinity, his sexism, his homophobia, and his sexuality all playing a part.

you're right that he wouldn't make the distinction himself, though- either way, his canon thought process is very much 'well i'm not one of those' and that's a catch-all. if and when he gains self-awareness it would have to be through a prolonged relationship of some kind, e.g. with francis in sober ii-verse, because one-offs he can excuse and repress. which is why i think once that sort of long-term realisation happened he would think that he had been lying to himself/everyone the whole time beforehand and secretly consider himself a homosexual (regardless of whether this would be accurate).

i think modern day richard would be more likely to call himself bisexual regardless of which option you go with as more likely. you know that quote from obama's biography about reading marx to get with bisexual college girls... that's somehow richard-coded but in the sense that he thinks calling himself 'flexible' or whatever lets him sound liberated but plausibly heteronormative. in any setting francis delights in the corner he paints himself into.

[angelicbrats]

Hi! I'm a bit shy asking this 🫣 and I feel silly because of how old I am (27) 🫣 but... I don't have any irl sapphic people to talk to and I feel like I need to talk to the community. I apologize in advance for the length of this. If this is too much please feel free to just ignore this. But quite frankly I feel like🏳️‍ you're the biggest green flag so 😅 I feel like at the very least you won't be mean about this.

For many years i've called myself Bi. I've been in two shitty relationships with men. Last one ended by me in march 2023, and I swore off the rest of the year and all of 2024. Then in January 2025 i'm like "Ok, done even thinking about men, lemmie look at some women."

And basically, I started worrying about actually dating a women... what if i'm wrong? What if i'm not attracted to them? What if we get *ahem* spicy and i'm not actually into it? Have I led them on?

I asked my (since fired for multiple reasons) therapist "but how do i know?" And she respinded "You won't". Which quite frankly gave me anxiety. So I turned to some gay men I know, and they said my therapist was full of crap, that I know how I feel and who i'm attracted to.

With that background... if you're open to it, can you please share how you knew? I'm just... terrified tbh. Did you know because of a gay awakening character? You had an experience and "oh hey i'm a lesbian"? Ugh, how far do I have to have experienced before i'm allowed to call myself a lesbian?

-signed, a shy bitch who's just trying to figure herself out and learn about the world

holy crap hi babey welcome to my blog and thank you soooo much for trusting me (and my blog ofc) with this. i hope i can help a bit but i fear i might not be helpful.

this my beautiful friend is comphet, or a form of it. (i know it’s a controversial topic of bi women can be experiencing comphet but i think they can experience a form of it so im going with it.) the compulsive need to bend with societies expectation of women. dating a man. sleeping with a man. marriage to a man. feeling anxious being outside of a stereotypical relationship the world expects of women from a young age. it’s so so so hard. dealing with comphet is painful and tough and takes a lot of emotional break downs when it gets bad.

i didn’t know i was a lesbian until i was 19 because i was very much stuck as a bi woman (also heavy church going girl) who had never had any experience. seriously. i was a virgin until 20, kissed on man once and that was it. but when i go back and analyze my childhood i realized there were some signs. major obsessive crushes of female “role models” in my life ex teachers, dance coach’s etc. being extremely intimated by some women in my life. never wanted boys in high school. never had a desire to date or kiss or like them. thought girls choose the boy they wanted to like. never liked the typical boy bands, i was obsessed w female singers. i had a friend confess her love for me and i said “awe i love you too!” (newsflash she had a crush.) yes to gay awakening characters. i was obsessed w women from a young age. started with melinda gordon aka jennifer love hewitt in ghost whisperer. but none of these things being true for you means you are any less gay or queer or bisexual or lesbian. NONE. the beauty of the queer experience is everyone’s experience is different. everyone’s!

i, to this day, as someone who has been out of the closet fully since just before i turned 21 and known i was queer since i was 16/17, experience compulsive heterosexuality.

understanding your sexuality is fucking hard and rough so complex. it sounds like you’re struggling hard core and want a label. why not let go of the label? you are who you are. you’re a queer person. go out and explore women. go to your local gay bar. join dating apps. get your feet wet. flirt with some. trust me. you’ll find your footing.

and yes your therapist sucks lol. a queer therapist might be able to better help you understand these issues and the feelings it brings you so that’s my ultimate solution and suggestion.

kisses! you can do it. my ask box is a safe space to rant, even if you want want me to post it. just say so. <33

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

It pains me to see how low gold stars' self-esteem can be, because we've been gaslit by the so-called lesbian community to think of ourselves as privileged no matter how much shit we went through for being lesbians.

I was thinking of this because I stumbled upon a twitch channel hosted by a fakebian and her gold star girlfriend. They were talking about their couple, their sexuality, their past, etc. The gold star was apologetic and kept saying that she was so much luckier than her girlfriend because she didn't "go through comphet".

However, here are the facts as they were telling them. The gold star:

Got repeatedly belittled by her mother for being a lesbian as a teen ("you're only a lesbian because you're too ugly to please men")

As a result, allowed many bicurious girls and women to "experiment" with her (= use her sexually)

Had a toxic long-term relationship where she was raped

Was the live-in sidechick of a bi woman in a het marriage for years, even though she admits that it destroyed her mental health, until the bi woman left the husband for her (that's the fakebian)

The fakebian:

Had many boyfriends and was in a happy marriage with a guy for years, has a child with him, still friends with the guy.

Bragged about having an open-minded family who never cared if she liked women, admitted that she never felt any social pressure to be with men but just went with the flow

That's it.

The fakebian never told her girlfriend that no, actually, she was the one who had it easy and being a gold star seems very difficult. It's very clear that she's still the one calling the shots in the relationship and the gold star got brainwashed into thinking that having boundaries or desires is messed up. The gs would say things like "It took her a few times to start reciprocating but it's ok! I never asked anything of her, it's fine, I swear! It would have been fucked up to expect her to reciprocate since she had never been with a woman! I prefer giving anyway!" (meanwhile the fakebian was repeating to the nervous bicurious women in the chat that they'll always be better in bed than any man ever) and "I never minded being a bi woman's first time with a woman, no one cares!" and her gf answered "only assholes care about that" 😬

I'd like to help other gold stars be unapologetically themselves, to know who they are, what they want and speak up about it, to be in touch with their emotions and their instincts, but that lack of confidence and boundaries can be so ingrained I don't even know where to start...

[favberrys]

What would you do if you’re a Showrunner/writer on glee?

I don't think i have the abilities and qualifications to write a tv show, but i notice when the writers are becoming lazy and when there are flaws in the writing bc these flaws arrive at the spectator who watches the show. One the first things i would do is make faberry canon like it was intended in the first script of glee (there was a script before the pilot in which the popular cheerleader fell in love with the girl loser of the school, but the idea/project was abandoned). I would give more space to wlw pairings bc while the mlm rep in glee was diverse and deepened, the wlw rep was okay thanks to brittana but had too little screen time. So i would make two wlw pairing (faberry and brittana) have more development and space in the show. I would defo treat quinn's character arc way better than ryan murphy, i wouldn't have throwed that character in the trash after s3, i would have developed her personal story more and her relationship with rachel. Quinn is a very queer coded character, so i would have prob given more space to her journey of coming to terms with her sexuality (prob would have made her a lesbian who struggled a lot with comphet in highschool bc of her rigid catholic upbringing). I also would not make quinn end up with her r@pist (puck got her drunk to have sex with her even though she didn't want to, the consent was basically nonexistent and pretty dubious so that's why i consider him a rapist).

Another change i would make is give more performances to characters like santana and mercedes bc as much as i love rachel, i feel like amber's and naya's talent were underused. I would have given less solos to kurt and more to them.

I would also make rachel bisexual cos there's no way that girloser does not like women, and what i would do is make her "experiment"/have a sort of friendship with benefits with Santana in s4 cos before they broke apart they were pretty close and had a nice intimacy and chemistry, Santana had broken up with Brittany, so i think a thing between them in which rachel full blown realises she likes girls too (and later realises she had always been in love with quinn/had a crush on quinn since highschool) and Santana trying out different bonds with girls before understanding she wants brittany only, would have been nice to make both characters grow and mature.

I would keep the quinntana one night stand bc i feel like that was really important for quinn to finally accept she liked girls and therefore that rachel had always been the one she really wanted. But how would that work if you plan to make Santana bang both rachel and quinn ? Well i would simply make rachel a thing with santana at the end of s4, after santana and quinn's one night stand (it doesn't even have to be necessarly sex or a physical relationship, but a bond in which rachel starts to see santana in a different light and finds her really hot and starts questioning herself and santan teases her about it but also gives her a wake up call "you're bi gayberry" or something like that, these are the two options).

I would keep kurt and blaine as they are but i wouldn't have made blaine have a thing with karosfky, that was just foul.

Also less performances from mr. Schue bc what the fuck was blurred lines.

[ynsbrightorbs]

do you think its ok that I call myself a lesbian even if I fanatasize about guys? I mean it's not even real guys or at least rarely, but it's the other aot characters like Erwin, Miche, Reiner and Levi. I know some people are like you're not a lesbian if you find men attractive you're bi.

Which is a valid take and makes sense. But also when it comes to nb people they are also go by he/him. And I know some people who are lesbians in the hanji fandom call Hanji their husband and use he/him pronouns, so wouldn't that just just be contradicting.

i was just having a conversation about this with some lesbians and honestly in my personal opinion it all comes down to personal identification and what you are personally comfortable with. i've seen (mainly and by mainly i mean only on tiktok) people being very black and white when it comes to this conversation, saying that any form of attraction to men disqualifies lesbianism but hot take, i don't think that is 100% correct. Im also just some guy with still so much to learn so don’t take my word as the only truth

i say this all as someone who's experienced and overcome comphet, i've dated men as much as i've dated women and i've been through conversion camp, been through a literal exorcism for homosexuality, i have truly seen it all. that said, there was a period in my life where i genuinely believed i was bisexual because i was "attracted" to men. by this i mean, i think attraction is a very broad word. exactly like you said, i've experienced attraction to men who have all been either fictional or unattainable, but even then i have seen real life men and thought they're attractive. wow i know so scary, but that's the truth. and the important question to ask yourself isn't if you think they're physically attractive, it's if you think you'd want to pursue this person. would you talk to them? would you date them? etc. etc.

like i said, i've dated men and women. and what makes me certain and validated in my experience with lesbianism in particular instead of bisexuality is that the difference i feel around the word attraction is completely different between the two. i know i could spend the rest of my life with a woman and be more than content and fulfilled, i cannot say that about a man. sure jean is hot as shit, now if he were to manifest and come up to me with a marriage proposal, would i say yes? absolutely not! there is a difference between simple attractiveness and romantic/sexual attraction that most forget. I get told by gay men all the time that they think I’m hot, does that negate the fact that they’re gay men? Nope!

now when it comes to butch or he/him lesbians, this is a very long conversation with so so much history behind it that i recommend you read about. something important to keep in mind though is that pronouns and gendered terms do not equal gender identity. gender is not one size fits all. i may experience being non-binary in a completely different way than another person. that doesn't take away either persons validity, it just proves how simply complicated this conversation is. that's what the white stripe in the lesbian flag is all about, this unique experience of womanhood. lesbian can be a gender identity!

another thing i feel is important to think about is the way sexuality and gender was expressed before colonization. i won't get all into this because again it's a long long conversation with so so much history but i feel it is as important to read about and remember when it comes to this conversation. not just with lesbians, but with any form of queerness that people tend to police. i am nahua descended, and sexuality and gender are very prevalent in our culture and religions in very broad spectrums. i feel most get caught up in very western and colonized ideas of queerness.

last thing i want to add is that humans have this knack of needing to put labels on everything. same way we have the tendency to see faces in inanimate objects because it's instinctually comforting. it's hard to sit with the questions and the i don't know, it can be scary. but some things don't need labels. some things can simply be and there's no need or rush to figure it all out. just be queer and be happy and be you and do what makes you feel right and comfortable and validated! there is also nothing wrong with being bisexual, it does not take away from your queerness

if you read all that ily, sorry if it's not helpful but these are just some things i've learned in my short queer life of speaking to many many lesbians from all sorts of places and of all ages. literally just be, it's okay and it'll be okay

[hard--headed--woman]

i'm a febfem who happens to have only dated women even before deciding to never act on my attraction to men. recently my friends have been insisting that i'm a lesbian, and refuse to listen when i say that's harmful to lesbians as i'm attracted to men. its annoying as fuck and i'm getting tired. even my ex (both my exes are lesbians, but only one of them is saying this) has been trying to convince me i'm a lesbian instead of a febfem. its annoying me, but when i said that they asked "what do you have against being a lesbian?" i have nothing against being a lesbian, i just literally am not a lesbian. i'm getting close to just saying they're right just to get them off my back. i don't know what to do, but you're a lesbian so maybe you can help - do you think they're right? does it sound like i'm a lesbian? could i just be experiencing comp-het? i don't want to tell lesbians what is lesbophobic or not, but also insisting that i must be a lesbian despite my very clear statement that i'm bi feels lesbophobic. i don't want to tell fellow bisexuals what is biphobic or not, but it feels like they're just doing the "pick a side" thing by insisting i must be "homoromantic bisexual" or "a lesbian experiencing comp-het" and using my dating history (all women) as evidence of that.

It is clearly lesbophobic and I am glad you know it and do not let people call you a lesbian. If I was you, I would tell my friends that I know what my sexuality is and that I won't accept any more comments and debates about it ; or I would just say that I do not want to talk about this anymore. It is your sexuality and they have no right to debate about it or literally tell you who you are attracted to or not. You know you are attracted to men, I don't even understand why they want you to be a lesbian so badly.

The split attraction model is total bullshit. Comphet is bullshit. You're bisexual and it's OK. Your friends just don't seem to understand that you can be attracted to men and still not date them, and that lesbians never feel attraction to men. It's both misogynistic and lesbophobic. Don't let them call you a lesbian if you know you aren't one!

[possamble]

Do you read falin as lesbian or bi? I lean more towards ambivalently bi but never that invested in it until she fell for Marcille, but at the same time that could be a comphet kinda thing so I see the logic of people who call them both lesbians. Do you think she ever had sexual or romantic relationships in the 3 years between school and reuniting with marcille?

here's my general thoughts on falin's relationship experience so far

i'd say lesbian but not in like a way i can back up with evidence and it's not a hill i'd die on necessarily sdflkvjsdf just vibes and projection. you're valid tho!! honestly either way i agree that she hasn't actually... felt much for anyone other than marcille regardless of who she's capable of feeling attracted to

[mithrava]

hey, i remember when you used to id as a lesbian! if it's not too invasive, how did you discover you're bi after all? i remember you recalling "your bi days" as comphet lol

no hate obviously!!!! so happy for you to know yourself ❤️❤️

Gurl (in a gender-neutral way) it was a rollercoaster, for real. I was always certain I loved girls since I was a child and because my family was never homophobic or anything I never had trouble accepting I liked girls. I was never taught that it was wrong so I never felt I was wrong. To me it was like "ok, thats it". But I always had trouble understanding my relationship with men. I remember when I came out to my mother she said "don't you think you are bi?" and I was like hell nah (I was 16). And you know what? A year later I was dating the first boy I ever loved! lmao He was a dearest, when we met I was crying over a girl I dated before and he was such a sweetie. I have some trouble trusting men and I think that made it a bit difficult to understand how I felt about them. But I like them, I'm attracted to them and I've be in love with (only 2) men. I'm not gonna lie, I'm more attracted to women and because of that I used to think my attraction to men wasn't enough and that I was feeling that because of comphet! Bisexuality is never about being 50/50, right? But I like men, I don't think is fair to call myself a lesbian when I like them too. Tbh, I think queer is a better label! Anyways, I took that whole thing to therapy and my therapist was a darling, helped me understand my feelings a lot! ♥

[redheadbigshoes]

Ugh lesbianchemicalplant...

I've read a bunch of her posts on transmisogyny before, some of them are fine but her views on lesbian stuff is so... really strikes me as someone who hasn't actually faced lesbophobia before.

I'm a transfem lesbian too and I've gone through enough comphet conversion therapy bullshit that I have no patience for anyone who doesn't respect the strict boundary of No Men in lesbian identity, I have been pressured and forced and chained to men my whole goddamn life and to say "oh its just bi women saying Yes they really are attracted to women" thats biphobic to think that that needs to be said rather than taking bisexual identity seriously and not making assumptions that a bi person is barely attracted to the same sex.

Like she referenced 'political lesbianism' as a keyword without it being in any way involved and 'lesbian sepratism' which I just take as a keyword to mean someone doesnt give a shit that we want an identity seperate from trans men and bi women.

If you can't empathize with the fact we are alone against a world where almost every fucking one else (aroace women i see you) in some way is a man or is attracted to them and every fucking thing in this world expects you, tells you you should care about them, be interested in them, everything fucking involves men in some way and they whine when it doesnt, if you can't empathize with the fact we want some goddamn respect for the struggle that is to live in this man-centric world? Then you're blind to why we're upset, why it hurts, why it makes us feel alone.

So yeah, it's not a 'cis lesbian seperatism' thing there's plenty of trans lesbians who want our goddamn independance from men to be respected.

...phew okay got all my feelings out lol have a nice one ya'll

-🌻

I am pretty sus of lesbians who support the inclusion of cis and trans men in lesbianism. They either (like you said) have never faced lesbophobia, or they’re not actually lesbians.

If you’re supporting the inclusion of cis and trans men in lesbianism there’s a big chance you call yourself lesbian while being attracted to cis and trans men so you’re not actually a lesbian.

These people really don’t realize how they’re reinforcing bisexual stereotypes of being deep down straight or gay/lesbian. They completely erase the years of bisexuals fighting for respect and for recognition so people start thinking bisexuality is an unique and separate identity and not being half gay and half straight. They completely ignore history while trying to use history to include men in lesbianism.

[bisexualsdeservebetter]

I hope you don’t mind me ranting in your inbox, it’s the only place i can rant without feeling judged

I hate it when people say bi erasure isn’t real because i am a victim of it.

Ever since i started getting romantic feelings others - people started calling me a lesbian, a ladies woman and a girlfriend stealer but the problem is; i’m bi, i’ve always been bi and i’ve always dated and liked multiple genders.

When i started dating someone who was amab and later came out as a trans women, people called me brave for dating someone who wasn’t out about being a trans woman as a lesbian but i didn’t know that she was a woman until a day before she came out publicly

Whenever i date a man, it’s comphet(?) and i’m just ‘confused’ but when i date women everything is fine - i’m never bisexual in others eyes, i’m just a confused lesbian.

Thank you for letting me rant, it’s nice getting that out of my system

And before anyone send Oliver hate for this ask, no i don’t hate lesbians. I adore all the lesbians i’ve ever met and dated. I’m just tired of my bisexuality being erased.

I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I had similar things happen when I was in highschool before I was out as trans, all of my friends insisted I was a lesbian. Bi erasure is very much real, and I'm sorry that you're being affected by it.