#you'd think fifteen-plus years of her pretending i was perfectly okay would merit some infodumping on my part
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#the thing is my mom carries so much pain inside her and i love her so much and she is wonderful#but at the same time there are things that i genuinely don't know if i can forgive. but she acts like there isn't anything#TO forgive which makes it worse#and whenever i bring anything up she doesn't change her behavior because she cannot recognize it when she's wrong about something#but she actually invalidates me a lot and i don't appreciate it and i KNOW i'm annoying about my special interests#but it really sucks that she makes it so obvious#like can't she pretend to be interested in what i want to tell her?? for once??#you'd think fifteen-plus years of her pretending i was perfectly okay would merit some infodumping on my part#it's just that she's never apologized for not doing anything to help me she's just made excuses and said 'well sorry but'#and that's not enough but at this point i'm not going to GET a genuine apology out of her#or out of my dad he isn't exempt from this!#like i'm scared to ask my dad if he's seen a movie i think he'd be interested in because i don't want to set her off#or deal with her disapproval. and she just doesn't care about my special interests at all#which i get but sometimes i feel like she doesn't really care that they make me happy either#like pretending that i'm not autistic now that i have shit figured out doesn't make it go away#it genuinely fucking sucks but i can't say anything to her because she can't cope with being wrong about anything. even jeopardy answers#this is why it means so much to me that you guys like when i infodump about old hollywood because no one else does#except my sister obvi but she does not live with me so#<333333#persannal
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