#you'd expect the parent fic to have more views right??

[penkura]

where you belong [1/10]

Summary: As Luffy's big sister, you've viewed it to be your job to see him become King of the Pirates in place of your absent parents, even as you try to find where it is you belong in the world. You never really expected to draw the attention of Trafalgar Law in the process.

Pairing: Trafalgar Law x Fem!reader

Warnings: Discussion of feelings of abandonment, age gap relationship (four years), brief secret relationship, mentions and heavy refences to sex, mentions of alcohol, typical One Piece stuff. Other warnings to be added if needed.

Notes: Hi, it's me again! Another fanfic here for you all! When this goes up, I'll be on my last day of vacation before I fly home, so I hope that you'll enjoy this! I know Straw Hat Reader x Law is popular, and I wanted to write my own, but with the Reader being Luffy's biological older sister. So for this, Reader is three years older than Luffy, 20 at the start and 22 after the timeskip, making Law four years older. I personally like older men, and age gap fics are just delicious reading material for me (within reason, nothing illegal).

Note 2: This is NOT the Law with vitiligo series. That one is actively being planned but will be separate from this one.

“And I’m gonna be King of the Pirates!!”

Luffy standing your tiny dingy boat worries you a little, but you still grin at him and nod.

“Hell yeah you will be!”

“Your turn! What’re you gonna do while we sail??”

Rolling your eyes, you make Luffy sit down while you stand up.

“Easy. I’m gonna chronicle your journey and write the greatest story ever told!”

Your younger brother watches you, tilting his head when you don’t continue. He believes there has to be more you want out of life, and tries to make you say what else is in your plans, what you have on your mind.

“And?”

Taking a breath, you nod. Of course he knew you had more, it’s Luffy, he’s been by your since he was just a few weeks old. Things you’ve said over time, to him and Ace, they’d both known for a long time what you’ve always wanted to find once you went out to sea.

“And find where it is I belong.”

+!+

Your arrival in Sabaody was a trip, in more than one way. You'd been excited to explore the place, hoping you could pawn your younger brother off on Camie, Pappag, and the others so you could have some time on your own to shop the stalls, maybe with Nami and Robin, turn it into a girl’s day. Of course, though, nothing could be so easy when your brother is the captain of the Straw Hats. You all find yourselves at the human auction hall, Nami willing to spend all the money possible to save Camie, but it makes you itchy while being there. You cringe to think about the things that happened in this place, how many people had been sold to Celestial Dragons. Your and Luffy's loss of Sabo due to the actions of one had severely soured your opinions on them.

You scan the crowd in the auction house, scratching at your arms which never seem to calm down while the rest of your crew discusses their plan to save Camie, and you end up locking eyes with another pirate captain there, unknown to you at that moment but somehow familiar.

A furry white, spotted hat, dark hair you can barely see, oddly enough you think his facial hair is attractive, and those yellow eyes that you almost would believe see right through you.

Trafalgar Law simply stares at you, realizing you’re a Straw Hat when he recognizes the rest of your crewmates. After a moment of fidgeting slightly you give him a nervous smile and a wave, which he returns with a nod before turning back to the auction stage as they continue to call bids on people.

Weird girl.

Strange guy.

Although she’s busy watching for Camie to be brought out, Nami still leans into you when you pull on her sleeve and start to whisper. “You see that guy in the white spotted hat?”

“What about him?”

“I think he’s Trafalgar Law, captain of the Heart Pirates. He’s more attractive than his poster makes him.”

Rolling her eyes, Nami pulls her arm away from you. “I don’t have time for you to be horny about some guy.”

“Wha—Nami!! I’m not! I’m just saying.”

She doesn’t listen to you anymore, focusing back on waiting for Camie and sending you to watch for Luffy, just so you don’t get distracted by the attractive enemy captain and defect to another crew.

You swear you never will, but do as you’re told to watch for your brother. Maybe one day you’ll get to properly meet Law, you’re quite curious about the young man.

+!+

“Another one?! Are you kidding me, Dragon?!”

You’re three years old when you wake up to your grandfather yelling at someone in the middle of the night. Normally Garp is sure to keep things quiet so you, his sweet little princess angel granddaughter, can sleep peacefully. He’d leave early in the morning once your nanny showed up for the day, returning before dinner so he had the evenings with you before you had to be off to bed, to do the day over again the next morning. It’s rare for you to stay up late or wake up early, but the few mornings you’ve woken up before he left were some of Garp’s favorites.

You quietly slip out of your bed, blanket in your hand as you rub your eyes and go to the door, opening it just enough to see what’s happening. Garp is there with someone in a green cloak, you can’t see the other person’s face, but listen anyway.

“He’s the last one, there won’t be anymore.”

“You said [Y/N] was going to be the only one!”

“Things happened.”

“Obviously something happened, babies don’t appear out of thin air!’

You tilt your head, the man in the cloak catching your eye, which makes you shy away behind your doorway, glancing away before back to him as he looks to Garp again.

“Take care of them.” He goes to leave and is gone before Garp can even stop him.

“Dragon, wait--! That…damn idiot.”

“Grandpa?”

Garp is surprised to hear your voice, turning around once he closes the door, giving you a smile while you start to focus on the bundle he's holding.

“Hey there, princess, what are you doing up?”

“I heard yelling…”

Nodding, Garp apologizes as he picks you up, letting you settle on his free arm. “Sorry about that, angel. Just… an unexpected visitor.”

“Oh…”

Garp sees you staring more at the bundle of blankets in his arm than at him, and he sighs a bit, taking you to the living room and setting you on the couch, before showing you how to position your arms as he sets the now squirming bundle in your arms.

“[Y/N], this is your baby brother. His name is Luffy.”

How unexpected! You’ve never thought about having a sibling, just enjoying your childhood and life with your grandpa, but seeing this tiny little boy in your just as small arms makes you grin while you look at him. Dark black hair and just as dark eyes, scrunched up little face and tiny hands in fists while he starts to fuss and whine.

“Luffy…”

+!+

Luffy…

You hope your prayers aren’t going unheard, that Luffy will return to you safely. Ace’s death has long passed, but you’re more worried about your little brother than anything else right now. You’d both been sent off to Amazon Lily by Kuma, but after they’d all agreed to let you both stay, and Boa Hancock seems to have fallen in love with him, Luffy left you there to go rescue Ace, that was nearly three weeks ago now, you think. You want him back, both of them, but want to see Luffy more than anyone else.

“Luffy’s returned, [Y/N]-san!”

“He has?!”

Marguerite nods and you quickly get up from your seat and run after her to wherever Luffy is. The newspapers kept implying he was dead, you were terrified you’d lost him and Ace that day, no updates from anyone apart from the papers cheering for the Navy’s alleged victory, for the deaths of Ace and Whitebeard. The Amazons, all so kind to let you stay while Luffy went to try and rescue Ace, were unsure of how to help you the last two weeks once Ace’s vivre card burned to nothing in your hands and made you nearly inconsolable.

Despite that, your prayers hadn’t gone unheard.

Once you’re at the beach that Luffy should be at, you notice immediately the big yellow submarine with the word DEATH on it and it freaks you out more than anything. You don’t know who owns it, but when you catch sight of someone you’ve only seen in person once, you worry that he’s done something to Luffy. You don’t say a word, but someone in a jumpsuit (boiler suit you think?) calls out “captain” just in time for him to turn towards you as you shove the older boy to the ground, placing yourself on top of him and your knife to his neck.

Part of you wishes it was poisoned right now, just in case this Trafalgar Law has done something to your brother.

“Where’s Luffy?!”

The knife you have at his neck doesn’t phase Law even a tiny bit, it’s the fact that someone so much shorter and smaller than him was able to catch him off guard and shove him to the ground the way you did. You’re angry for some reason, giving him a nasty glare but look like you’re about to cry on top of it, as he just stares at you, his crewmembers shouting for you to get off their captain before he raises a hand to stop them.

“Who—”

“Tell me, where is my brother?!”

Oh so that’s what’s wrong, that’s who you are. Whether you’re related to Luffy by blood or by ritual cup like Ace was, Law doesn’t know, but he’s sure you want reassurance you haven’t lost two brothers in one day.

“Are you [Y/N]?”

You turn your head to look over your shoulder at Jinbei, still glaring. “Who’s asking?!”

“I was friends with your brother Ace, he told me about you and Luffy while we were in Impel Down.”

“He…did?”

You’ve calmed down so quickly hearing Ace’s name, retracting your knife just slightly, while Jinbei explains things to you. You don’t move off of Law though, listening quietly, fighting the desire to cry more. You’ve done enough of that, you don’t want to anymore today.

Law doesn’t even try to move you off, knowing, like Luffy, you’re emotionally hurting right now. He doesn’t want to risk you slicing his neck either, even as Jinbei finishes telling you everything Ace did, and you still don’t move or look at Law.

“Ace hopes you find what you’re looking for.”

You clench your jaw a bit at first, before smiling sadly and nodding, thanking Jinbei for the information before Law speaks up.

“If you get off me, I can take you to Straw Hat-ya.” 

You blink, finally looking back to Law, and you feel your face burn with a blush when you realize your position and scramble to get off him, apologizing the whole way while he shakes his head. Once he’s on his feet, Law let’s you onto the Polar Tang and leads you down the hallway to the infirmary, updating you on Luffy’s condition the best he can with the knowledge he has.

“If he pulls through this, the most you’ll have to worry about is his mental health.”

“Mm.” You nod, grabbing Law’s arm as he stops to open a door, making him look back at you. “I apologize for shoving you down.”

“I’ve been through worse,” Law shrugs, you could tell just from looking at him, though he does smirk a bit at you, “Never had a girl push me down and hold a poisoned knife to my neck before though.”

“It wasn’t poisoned,” you almost shout, but keep your voice down to not wake Luffy, “…this time…”

He almost laughs, but when you see Luffy finally, you’re instantly but his side, taking his hand and trying to keep yourself from crying seeing him in such a state. He’d been injured badly before, but never like this, never this close to death.

“Luffy…oh Luffy, I’m here, Lu,” you brush his bangs away from his face before kissing his forehead, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, I should’ve come with you…”

Law doesn’t bother you for the next several minutes, stepping out so you have some privacy while you make sure Luffy is all right, your quiet prayers that he wakes soon and heals quickly don’t go unheard by the surgeon of death, who thinks back to his own sister and the prayers he’d once prayed for her health as a child.

As an older sibling, he gets it. While he still doesn’t know yet if you’re related by blood or sworn siblings, he does see how much you care for Luffy, and for your sake he hopes your captain wakes sooner rather than later.

+!+

You spend the next two weeks in and out of the Polar Tang, checking on Luffy and praying over him to wake soon, Law being the one to take you in and lead you back out most of the time, even though you’ve memorized the path already. The next time you leave Luffy to continue recovering, the friends you and Luffy have made from Amazon Lily have shown up in the time you’ve been with him, bringing food and drinks for you all. As you walk over to where he’s seated, Law offers you a drink that you reject with a shake of your head, sitting on the other side of the tree and bringing your knees up to your chest, hiding your face in them.

“Any signs he’s waking up?”

Shaking your head, you sigh and lean back, looking at the people around to distract yourself from worrying over Luffy.

“That your crew?”

“Yep. All twenty of them.”

You smile a bit, watching the Heart Pirates goof off while some have their meal and share drinks. It almost reminds you of the Straw Hats and makes your heart ache from missing them deeply.

“You have a nice group there.”

“They can be a handful.”

It makes you laugh a bit, nodding before you decide to stop wallowing and get back up, standing beside Law where he stays seated.

“Think you should hold this for now.”

Law tosses Luffy’s straw hat to you, and you grit your teeth a bit while you stare at it. You had wondered where it was, seeing it wasn’t around when you were with Luffy. You hold nothing but the highest regards for Shanks, he'd been an inspiration for you and Luffy when you were children, he helped end the war and helped Law save Luffy, but how you wish he’d shown up sooner. Maybe he could’ve helped Ace too.

“Thank you, for holding this.”

“Seems important to him, he’s not Straw Hat-ya without it.”

Smiling a bit, you nod. “He’s certainly not.”

“How do you—”

“I’m his big sister. I was three when our dad dropped him off with me and grandpa. We’ve been together almost every day since.”

“I see.”

You’re not entirely sure you trust Law, despite his saving Luffy, but you’re willing to give him a shot. At least let him know a bit about your history with Ace too, since he'd been there when you hadn’t been. Where Luffy asked you not to go.

“We met Ace and another boy when I was ten, and become sworn siblings with them soon after. The other boy died a few months later,” you grip the straw hat a bit tighter, but loosen your hold after being stabbed in the hand by sharp bits of straw, “a Celestial Dragon did it, we’ve not been fans of them since, so Luffy punching that one in Sabaody felt like some payback.”

“That makes sense.”

After a few minutes of silence, you finally realize something and turn to Law, sticking your hand out for him.

“Never introduced myself. Monkey D. [Y/N]. I don’t really use my last name though.”

Law takes your hand after a moment, nodding. “Trafalgar Law.”

“Thank you for saving my baby brother.”

“Don’t thank me until he wakes up.”

As if almost on cue, the door comes flying off the Polar Tang and you both whip your heads over, Law running ahead of you as you follow, and Luffy’s the next thing to almost fly out of the ship.

“Luffy!!”

You’re about to run to him before Law grabs hold of your arm, pulling you to himself and holding you still, even while you thrash around and listen to Luffy call for Ace. It breaks your heart to see him so upset, and you just want to console him, have him do the same for you, while you both continue to grieve for Ace. But Law won’t let you go to him, fear or concern your brother might hurt you while he fights through pain and raging emotions, before he disappears into the forest.

“Luffy, come back!!”

You barely register Jinbei asking what’ll happen if Luffy continues to flail and run off like that, before Law speaks and your heart almost drops to your stomach at the thought.

“If he continues to move around like that he could reopen his wound and bleed out. He’ll die.”

Quickly you turn around and Law isn’t at all shocked to see the tears welling up in your eyes as you grip his shirt, still holding Luffy’s straw hat.

“Don’t let that happen!! Please!! He’s all I have! Luffy is my whole world, I can’t lose him!!”

Unsure of what to do, especially once you lay your head on his chest while you cry, Law hesitantly wraps his arms around you and watches Jinbei go off to Luffy. Maybe he’ll be able to calm your brother down before he really hurts or kills himself.

You’ve both been through a lot the last few weeks, losing Luffy would break you more than losing Ace did to him.

+!+

“I’m sorry I got snot on your shirt.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’ll wash.”

You glance away and keep your eyes averted while Law changes shirts, having taken you onto the Polar Tang while Jinbei attempts to calm Luffy down. He didn’t fully mean to bring you into his room, but he never let go of your wrist while he led through the ship, making you sit down to hopefully calm you down. You do catch sight of his tattoos, wanting to say something but you don’t want to sound like a creep or a pervert at the same time.

“Why don’t you use your last name?”

Law surprises you once he’s changed shirts, this one almost the same as the yellow one he’d been wearing, but now a dark blue with a furry, feathery collar that you really want to pet, it looks soft. But again, you don’t want to seem like a creep.

For a moment you’re quiet, before you cross your arms and lean against the wall, shrugging.

“Why should I use the name of someone who abandoned me? I only have one memory of my father, and it was when he dropped off Luffy.”

“Your grandfather is Garp, isn’t he?”

“I love my grandpa like he’s my dad…but I don’t want to use my last name.”

Law nods a bit, seeming to understand. You felt abandoned, and wanted nothing to do with your biological father, instead viewing Garp in that light, which makes sense.

He'd viewed Corazon in the same light at one point.

“Your mother?”

“I know nothing about her. It’s like…” You start to bury your head in your knees again, almost digging your nails into your arms, “Like I don’t know who I am half the time…”

He gets that too, the same feelings after Flevance, after losing Corazon and leaving the Don Quixote family, leaving Doflamingo behind. Many times of looking in the mirror and asking “who the hell am I”.

Law is about to respond, before one of his crewmembers yells for you both that Luffy and Jinbei have returned to the beach, and you’re out the door so fast he isn’t able to believe it. He follows you out, not all surprised to see you and Luffy hugging each other tightly once he exits his ship.

Your bond with Luffy would be on full display the next few days, Law truthfully does wonder if he and Lammy would’ve been the same.

+!+

“I met some people who are friends with our dad.”

“You what?”

Luffy nods, giving you this information during dinner one evening, while you stare at him with such a blank look that Law thinks you’ve completely shut down. You didn’t say too much about your dad while you relayed some of your childhood to him earlier that day, apart from your perceived abandonment, but the look you have isn’t a very happy one.

“They’re were some cool people! They helped me escape that prison and…tried to help me save Ace.”

“So they were revolutionaries.”

“Yeah, they…they said they didn’t even know we existed.” Luffy scrunches up his face a bit while you frown, then pat his head.

“I’m not surprised, Lu.”

Luffy makes a face now, one that’s almost disgusted but annoyed but upset maybe. Law swears he isn’t trying to eavesdrop, you two are sitting too close to him anyway, you’re practically pressed up against his side. You both appear to have problems with your father, after the little bit you’ve told him and how you confessed to feeling abandoned by your parents. He wonders briefly is Luffy feels the same, even as your younger brother leans against you, pushing you fully into Law’s arm and making you glance up at him apologetically. He doesn’t move, once again doesn’t push you off, instead shifting his arm enough for you to be comfortable.

When Luffy falls asleep, you finally speak again.

“Luffy met our dad once, in Loguetown”

“Oh yeah?”

“Neither of us knew until grandpa told us…he didn’t even stop to say anything to me…”

“…I’m sorry.”

You shrug, watching Luffy. It still stung to know that, to know that Dragon didn’t even seek you out when he must’ve known you were on Luffy’s crew, that you’d never leave him to do this alone. When Garp told you he’d been in Loguetown that day, it felt like a knife in your heart that you didn’t even get to see or speak to your father.

Law, while he watches you start to drift off to sleep yourself, thinks about his own dad and Corazon at the same time. He had two fathers in the end, who both cared about and loved him deeply, both wanting to protect him as long as they could. He had his mother and Lammy too, you had Luffy and Garp, but it wasn’t enough for you, and it makes sense. To not have that connection with the people who gave you life, Law can’t even imagine how difficult that must be.

He ignores the slight snickers and comments from his crew when they see you leaned against him, even has he slightly tilts his head towards yours, not going all the way to lay his against your own. Even when Shachi makes a small comment about ‘love’ being in the air at Amazon Lily, Law doesn’t open his eyes to respond or even Shambles his friend away.

You won’t see each other again for a long time after this, most likely, so he’s willing to give you some comfort and allow his crew to see him a little softer than normal.

+!+

“Bye, thanks for your help, Traffy!”

Law tries not to grimace at the nickname Luffy’s given him over the last few days, nodding to you both as his crew also shouts goodbyes and wave to you both, you personally sad to see them leave. You’d spent so much time getting to know them while taking care of Luffy, that it felt like you were losing friends again. You’d probably see them one day, maybe as friends but maybe as foes, yet, you’d like to see more of Law and learn about him like he had you.

Luffy notices your face, the sad look it has, then looks back to the Heart Pirates as they start to disappear below deck. You’ve already chosen to stay on Amazon Lily the next two years and learn from the women there how to fight, but even watching you the last couple days, he could see your heart wasn’t in it. You more so loved using your knives and making poisons, he remembers the one he and Ace mistakenly drank thinking it was lavender tea from Makino. You weren’t an archer or a swordswoman, you much prefer close combat and paralyzing your enemies. Your work during Enies Lobby earned you your $25 million berri bounty, the Navy having trouble recreating antidotes from the one you’d left with a knocked out marine, they knew you’d be trouble one day.

With all that in mind, Luffy sneaks up behind you, wrapping his arms around you in what you first believe to be a hug, before he lifts you up and you look at him. He’s got a grin that concerns you greatly as the color drains from your face.

“Luffy.”

He giggles a bit, nodding at you to brace yourself.

“Luffy, don’t you dare.”

“Have fun with Traffy for two years!!!”

He doesn’t give you anymore room to argue, flinging you towards the Polar Tang, making you yell for Law to pay attention, and he barely does in time to catch you, knocking both of you to the ground, several Heart Pirates making sure both of you are all right and that Law didn’t hit his head on anything.

You’re up and holding onto the railing, yelling at Luffy, “You’re an idiot!!!”

He pretends he can’t hear you, waving widely and shouting another goodbye, but to you this time.

Once Law is sitting up, realizing what the hell has happened, he sighs a bit while you look back to him.

“I’m sorry, Trafalgar. You can turn back and I’ll beat some sense into him!”

One of his crewmembers, you’re pretty sure it’s Shachi, leans down to ask him, “Should we? Kinda seems like Straw Hat wants us to take her along.”

He sighs, taking his hat off and running his hand through his hair, shaking his head.

“You can stay.”

“…huh?”

You tilt your head in confusion, Law doesn’t think it’s cute at all no matter what that weird feeling in his chest is, while he stands up and nods at you.

“The Amazons might get angry if we return without permission, so we’ll just…take you along…and then bring you to Sabaody.”

Blinking several times, you’re still confused while some of his crew laugh, Penguin coming up to pat you on the back.

“You’re a temporary Heart Pirate! We’ll take care of you!”

Nodding, Law turns to go below deck.

“Say your goodbye, we’ll be going under shortly.”

While the rest of them follow after their captain, you turn back and see Luffy still waving at you, which makes you sigh and shake your head. You do smile though, you had wanted to continue getting to know Law and his crew, this was a perfect opportunity, and maybe he could help you with creating effective antidotes for your poisons.

“Luffy! Love you, see you in two years!”

“Okay!!!!”

Once you go below deck, Penguin being the one to wait for you in order to close the door properly, he starts to show you around a bit, the rest of the crew happy to see you’re staying with them for now, while Law keeps a slight distance unless he’s asked about something. You looking around and being so impressed by the submarine caused another weird feeling in his chest, and he fights to ignore it, especially when you thank him for letting you stay with a smile, which he waves off with an “It’s nothing”.

It's going to be an interesting two years.

[psychicthepsychic-daily]

confirmation bias, and other fallacies

(Friday Night Funkin')

Words: 759

Summary:

Girlfriend's sick in bed after some (heavily implied) poor decisions she and Boyfriend made on a date. Psychic is left to tend to her and try to understand where she's coming from, when she says this is the boy in whose hands she'd put her life.

i did not mean for this to get so long oops- also i am indeed in the process of finishing the Aldryx birthday fic! i've just been super busy and hit with a bad case of writer's block! apologies for the delay and i'll be sure to get it out as soon as i can!

Psyfic taglist: @y010isaghost, @s0methingmoonlit, @flurriethefox, @hoodiehydra

Let me know if you'd like to be added to/removed from the taglist!

----------

"Sit up straight," Psychic cautions as he sets a tray of bread and tomato soup on the blanket between them, taking a seat on the edge of Girlfriend's bed and letting her disentangle herself from the sheets.

She sneezes. Sneezes again. "Thanks, Psyche," she smiles before sneezing a third time, and that somehow makes the last few hours looking after her worth it. Girlfriend reaches for the spoon and takes a slurp of the soup. "This is nice."

"That's good to hear," he says, tracing the stitching in her maroon comforter. "Next time, don't run the entire perimeter of Newgrounds immediately after swimming in a frozen lake." He can't stop a little bit of snark from entering his tone, even with her.

"It was an accident," Girlfriend mutters defensively. "I already told you that. And I made it out fine. Boyfriend was there to help me."

Boyfriend. Always Boyfriend was there and Boyfriend saved me and Boyfriend was so brave for my sake. Has she forgotten the eighteen years her parents, Psychic spent protecting her, teaching her to protect herself? Scorned, worthless, gone? She's lucky her parents aren't home to hear her.

"It still shouldn't have happened to begin with," Psychic narrows his eyes at her but keeps his tone calm. "And he may have been there this time, but what if someday something does happen and he's not? What if there's nothing he can do? You have to be more careful, Girlfriend. You have to be able to look out for yourself."

She scoffs, blowing a lock of hair out of her eyes and sniffing a little. Psychic gives her the tissue box. "I can," she grumbles, blowing her nose and dropping a wad of Kleenex into the bin by her bed. "I'm not helpless just because he's around to help me, Psychic. I'm just safer because of him. I can rely on him, that doesn't make me weak. I thought you would understand that..." She takes another, smaller sip of soup and stuffs a slice of bread in her mouth, avoiding his gaze. A small, hurt frown creases her face.

Guilt creeps up on Psychic again, frustratingly enough, where it never used to. It's not his place to lecture her.

I wasn't lecturing her, I was only expressing my concerns over her safety and his recklessness—

It's not his place.

That should be enough for him. Boyfriend was there and he wasn't, big deal. Girlfriend is safe, albeit with a fever and cold that she'll recover from overnight. She's a good kid. A strong kid.

She has someone to look out for her now, without the inherent judgement her family has, including him. Psychic's aware of that. Having been around since before her birth, there's no way his devotion hasn't distorted his own view of her. How to protect her. And everyone deserves someone to trust, outside of that echo chamber of assumptions and expectations.

Just because it's Boyfriend doesn't make that any less true. She's right, Psychic of all people should understand.

"I'm sorry." Girlfriend's always preferred for him to say it outright, not hide his feelings behind formalities and language her father would use. "I shouldn't doubt you. I do understand, Girlfriend. But please... remember to stay safe. Both of you. I'm glad things are getting better for you, but it's up to you to keep it that way."

She gives him a tentative grin. "It's okay, Psyche. Does that—" She sneezes. "Does that mean you called Boyfriend?"

Psychic rolls his eyes. "Of course I did." Boyfriend was out of his apartment and dashing across the city before Psychic had a chance to hang up. Possibly the only respectable thing that shrimp's ever done. "He's on his way. Finish your food, Girlfriend. I'll make you some tea."

When she's done, Psychic reaches out with his telekinesis and lifts her tray. "Get some rest," he encourages softly, brushing her bangs out of her eyes. Her forehead is still warm. Psychic lets his magic soothe some of her discomfort. "Your boyfriend will be here soon. I'll come back with your tea in a minute."

He switches off the ceiling light as he leaves but her bedside lamp continues to glow as she snuggles deeper within the covers. She's already asleep by the time he comes back.

Psychic doesn't wake her; the girl needs her rest. He leaves her tea on the nightstand to warm again later, and remains outside her room, resolute to keep her safe and comforted, no matter who he shares that role with now.

[thegoddessprose]

After all my yapping about Chiasa and Plutarch, I thought I'd finally put my money where my mouth is and post a fic. This is something I wrote a little while ago, albeit with a few edits. It's a 5+1 rather than a sophisticated backstory (That might come later, once my Tigris fic on AO3 is at least on hiatus), but I'm hoping it'll give a little more insight than the memes :p

Yes, @plutarchheavensbee you can share, I did promise

Without further ado, enjoy

TW: References to past substance abuse, victor prostitution, grief, slightly NSFW but nothing graphic

Five Things That Fascinated Plutarch about Chiasa and One Thing That Made Him Realize He Loved Her.

1. Her Eyes

Simple decorum had forced Plutarch to learn that Chiasa's eyes were a nice shade of icy blue and not much else. They say that eyes are the window to the soul, but he initially didn't bother looking in. His initial impression of her was pretty and overall harmless, but nothing else, and that remained for years.

That was, until this past yuletide night, when he'd taken it upon himself to smuggle a fellow rebel and refugee to the edge of the Capitol. Of course she'd be at the party that acted as the rendezvous point; Chiasa's beloved nephew, Marcus, who also happened to be his protégé played the host. What he didn't expect was her rolling up her sleeves to help, offering to use her fashion know-how to disguise refugees. He certainly didn't expect to have Fulvia poke her head into his office the next day to say Chiasa was on the line and seemed troubled. He most definitely didn't expect for her to break down in his home the next day, revealing decades of pent-up anger toward the Capitol and guilt for only reaching out now. Obviously, there was a lot more to the woman than he initially thought.

He'd invited her again two days later for a more lighthearted visit, simply wanting to know how much he was wrong about... Of course, he had to study up, remember what he'd initially noted and compare notes. Tigris was friends with her and had often said she took a lot after her father (Thankfully...) While Plutarch had never met the late Senator Lapin personally before he was assassinated, there was a lot of information on him in the rebel archives; photos, footage, speeches, letters to Tigris, anything he needed. Her father's eyes were the same shade of blue and his gaze was admittedly disarming, but without a lot of spark. He'd heard it was because he wasn't as bright, but Tigris loved to wistfully say that the kindness in his eyes was real, a rarity for a Capitolite.

Chiasa's mother was a different story... Plutarch knew Seiko better as his predecessor and mentor. She was a cold and calculating woman, and her eyes reflected that well. Dark brown, almost black, like voids, he recalled. On a good day, he remembered seeing little sparks of determination. On a bad day, they resembled black holes; icy pools of nothing sucking out the soul of any poor sap that pissed her off... Occasionally, he was said poor sap.

Chiasa was both distinct and similar to her parents. Through the glassiness during their last meeting, he saw a familiar darkness when she expressed her anger; a supernova rather than a black hole, but he was somewhat frightened nonetheless. Today, with a better view, he saw the warmth and kindness of her father. Yet... There was a certain weatheredness about her, one he'd seen among his elders and even in his own mirror. Sure, she'd taken a couple of decades off her appearance, but there was no doubt of her true age in her eyes. It was clear she'd seen so much, so many historical events, so much pain and suffering that she felt powerless to stop.

"Plutarch?" she asked, snapping him out of his analysis.

"Yes?"

"You'd said I'd be able to stay for dinner, right? I really like talking with you," she said.

For once, he had nothing going on. It had been a while since he'd dined with anyone outside of obligation. A lot of his real friends were dead, busy, in hiding, or outside of the Capitol.

"I did say that..." he replied, "And the feeling is mutual."

Her eyes lit up at his acceptance and just like that, she'd shed about twenty years off her lifetime. While Chiasa was known in a lot of circles to be the life of the party, he couldn't remember if he'd seen this kind of pure joy from her. Maybe he should be flattered that he evoked such a feeling out of her. He certainly felt the heat rising in his cheeks at the thought, and all hope of her not notcing was shattered by her rather melodic giggle.

"Why Plutarch, you're awfully cute when you blush," she complimented.

As if that wouldn't make him blush even more...

2. Her Confidence

Most people who knew of Chiasa Lapin knew she had a bit of a... reputation. Sadly, that was par for the course for women like her who never married and just dated around. Plutarch should have expected certain things out of her, but he was quickly reminded that hearing about something and actually experiencing it were two different things.

As much as he liked planning for all possibilities, Plutarch didn't expect her invitation to her New Year's Eve party would end with them kissing in her room away from the masses. Neither of them had that much to drink, nor were they lightweights. She knew exactly what she wanted when she proposed the reigning in tradition. He wasn't sure what possessed him to accept sp easily; perhaps it was how she looked in that handmade red floral kimono and her dark hair elegantly pinned up, as if she stepped out of an ancient painting. Maybe it was scientific curiosity. It was logical to assume with all her experience, she had to be good. For the record, she was... Not a lot of kisses in his lifetime had him still thinking about her and longing for days.

Then again, perhaps it was how she wasn't afraid to go for what she wanted. The meeker ladies weren't really Plutarch's taste, agreeing with him rather than standing by what they wanted, he wanted substance. Chiasa had quickly proven not to be like them. During their second kiss, he'd felt her try to climb onto his lap. Maybe they could have taken things further if her harpy of a sister didn't knock and interrupt. Even when he left, she wished him sweet dreams of all thing. She knew exactly what she was doing to him, how frustrated he'd be that night.

It was cunning of her to offer to make him something, that way, he didn't need to come up with any excuses for her to come over again, or shoo away rumor mongers. Although... she'd outright admitted she'd wanted to spend more time with him. Her subtlety needed work... Although that could have just been more of her confidence shining through, as it certainly did when she finally visited again.

When working with a new designer, measurements were an early order of business. Chiasa opted for an old fashioned measuring tape for a more intimate experience. He sure was wise to the lingering touches on his waist, chest, and arms as well as her warm breath on the back of his neck. He was a gentleman... He couldn't bring himself to have his way with her immediately. That mini skirt and plunging red top didn't help things either...

If her mother was alive, she would have gutted him for thinking like this about her "ignorant" daughter... But Seiko wasn't here, nor did she have power over him anymore. She'd be absolutely furious at how he'd laid a hand on Chiasa and not be able to do anything about it... And there was that scientific curiosity once again. It wasn't just her kissing skills that had Chiasa infamous... He just had to know what was fact or fiction.

It was still up to Chiasa in the end, and thankfully, she caught the smirk forming on his face as she faced him.

"You know, Plutarch..." she purred, "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."

"What a coincidence," he couldn't help but tease as he ran a hand through her hair, "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you either."

She leaned in closer and smirked back at him.

"Really now.... I've been thinking about what could have been... What could have happened if we weren't so rudely interrupted, just wondering a few things, " she whispered, "Would we have stayed as we were? Or would you have been on top of me? Would we want to savor each other, really explore each other, or would you want it fast and rough? Would you use that beautiful voice to moan, growl... Both?"

She brushed her lips against his neck and he managed to stifle a moan. Damn was she brazen... He felt his own hand moving down her back, but he stopped himself at her waist.

"No need to stop..." she encouraged, "You've helped me so much over the past few days... But you seem so stressed and lonely too. Trust me... I know a lot of ways to soothe a man... I always thought you were attractive, but being a rebel... Well, that's even hotter."

Plutarch had to admit, it was refreshing to hear an authority on beauty praise his "natural" appearance over the eldrich enhancements of the Capitol masses. He was right where he wanted... This fascinating woman in his arms, one that would make his late mentor scream up at him from hell, one that was practically begging him to take her and make her his... Wait.

"I have been looking for some relief, and company..." he replied, "But you should know, I don't have the time or space for a long term commitment right now."

Chiasa held back a laugh and teasingly pecked his lips. "Who said anything about commitment? I just want to have a little fun..."

"Well... Fun is my job, after all."

There. A bullshit free proposition, just as he liked them, and a hallmark of mature women like her. Yet at the same time, she didn't dress her age, nor look it, nor certain screw like a woman her age. She certainly had nothing to be ashamed of when she'd draped herself on her side to face them after they'd finished. Having spent her youthful years in the 20s ADD, it wasn't hard to imagine her taking a puff from a cigarette or joint to recover. That satisfaction and fire in her eyes, however, was all reality.

"Well, well... You've been holding out on me, Heavensbee," she purred.

Plutarch really shouldn't have blushed again, certainly not after what just transpired, but was it ever worth it to hear that giggle again. Chiasa was right all along, he did feel more relaxed than he ever had the past few months.

"Aww, you have nothing to be embarrassed about... Believe me," she added, reaching over to stroke his arm.

"It's been a while..." he admitted, "I forgot what this felt like."

"You'd have to have been busy," she concluded, "I'm surprised more people aren't throwing themselves at you... I'm definitely here for a good time, and we've established I have no concealed weapons, or wires... You were very thorough in your search."

Ugh, a line taken straight from his dreams.

"We have to do this again sometime," he replied with a smirk.

They came up with a certain arrangement; Chiasa would get a burner so they could communicate undetected, no feelings or other complications neither had time for, they'd fool around and talk to sate each other's stress and loneliness. Simple enough... Both had similar arrangements with others in the past without issues. It should have been that simple...

3. Her Stories

Plutarch was a known history buff; even when he was simply Seiko’s right hand man, one of his favorite duties was curation. The rebel archive had more banned documents, pictures, films, and stories than the secret government archive could hope for. He could spend hours just reading and watching the past.

The only thing better than studying was talking to real people about their experiences. The Capitol's history books were to be taken with a grain of salt, being mostly propaganda. Many of Plutarch's elders were amused by his curiosity about the past, but were nonetheless happy to share a few tales, and Chiasa, being a fair bit older than him, was no exception.

Maybe it was a little different... She was certainly the first to lounge on his bed in a negligee at most while sipping coffee or giving him a scalp massage while telling him stories. Even though she was younger than the likes of Tigris and Seiko, she brought a unique perspective of the ineffable postwar Dark Days. She spoke of her beloved father's service, and confirmed Tigris's assurances that Seiko was a different person back then, and before her sister became such an insufferable gossip. There was one story in particular that made him chuckle, one that involved one of his more insufferable relatives...

"So... You kicked him?" he confirmed, "You kicked Uncle Hilarius in the shin?"

"I was only a kid," she defended, "And he was sure Lucy Gray wouldn't survive because she was a small girl... Emphasis on the girl part. My parents agreed with me that he should have kept his mouth shut, but I still had to be punished..."

"Well... Knowing him, he probably deserved it," he said.

What a time to be alive in that controversial year, and still have the wonder of childhood. What an opportunity to hear about it... Tigris and Seiko had a more mature perspective, and it was impossible to get anything out of President Snow.

As time went on, Chiasa's stories became more vulnerable, and Plutarch remembered an important life lesson. Growing up patrician and joining the rebels had taught him that not everything was as it seemed. During her early years as a stylist, that "mental breakdown" was actually a stint in rehab to kick a party drug habit. She'd started using to cope with her guilt regarding her tributes, but had been encouraged to get help when she found out she was pregnant with her first child. Thankfully, she'd been clean for a long time, but still carried little candies in her purse in case she ever got the urge again.

Another of her stories was the real paternity of her second child, her son. It was a closely guarded secret, and Plutarch felt a sense of pride that she trusted him this much. It was one of her victors, Link Zhou, a now older man from District 3. Plutarch recalled him as one of the first male victors to be sold, and she couldn't even look him in the eye when she told him the story. Chiasa was Link's stylist, and her relief at a living tribute faded when she found out what they were going to do to him. She'd bid to be his first and it was all kosher; Link had a crush on her and he was of age, yet she still felt like she'd violated him. She felt she couldn't give up her son in any way, and thankfully her reputation with men saved them all from any suspicion.

He heard her sobbing as she'd finished, still facing away from him. He turned her, and her tears and pained expression broke his heart... She would have made a damn good agent if she'd joined up. When it came to her addiction, she was regretful, but matter of fact. Now, however, she was ashamed to even exist.

"I... I thought you'd be disgusted with me," she whispered.

He found himself wiping her tears away and wrapped her in an embrace.

"No... You did what you thought was right for the both of them, even if the law said otherwise. That's very noble," he said, "Hell, I think it would be rich of me of all people to judge you for doing something you regret for the greater good."

It was true... There were certain aspects of his plans that he didn't take pleasure in, but nonetheless, they had to be considered and done. His personal feelings often didn't matter.

Speaking of feelings... He couldn't let go of her that night. Chiasa's ceasing her crying and easing herself so quickly in his arms had him feeling some type of way... Like important? Like a hero? When he'd initially guessed that her son's father was some abusive asshole, he was ready to ruin that hypothetical man's life in a second. Protecting her used to be a simple means to an end; to avoid a needless casualty at his expense, and for Marcus's sake... He wouldn't be too happy with his beloved aunt in danger. Now, though... the thought of Chiasa being hurt or in distress caused Plutarch real pain. She didn't deserve that... Logically, she'd been through too much.

"Plutarch... Thank you," she murmured, "You're really, truly... such a wonderful man..."

Damn... He was used to being compliments on his achievements, but coming from her... He didn't know his heart was capable of swelling like that. It had to be because she meant it instead of just trying to kiss his ass... It had to be.

4. Her Wisdom

Naturally, Plutarch was a thinker. People had described him as brilliant, and they'd be right. Chiasa might not have been an intellectual like him, but she was so much more than Seiko and the general public made her out to be. Then again, if anyone reached her age or had her experiences without learning a thing, they'd be an idiot. She was so much more stimulating than the average Capitolite, and not just in the physical way.

One day, as Chiasa placed her hand over his, Plutarch couldn't help but notice her nails. They were red and gold, as the current trends, but the gold designs were inconsistent. Actually, he could have sworn that they were simply red and chipped the last time they were together, and the gold seemed to fill in the gaps.

"Didn't take you for a hand guy, Plutarch," she teased.

"No, I'm just curious about these... Is this some kind of abstract art?"

She smiled sheepishly, then moved her gaze to their now entwined hands.

"Are you familiar with the practice of kintsugi?"

"I'm afraid not," he replied, "Your mother taught me a few words of your old tongue, but I'm not familiar with that one."

"Well... It's the practice of repairing ceramics with gold," she explained, "I like to think of it as a metaphor... We all have flaws, we've all known hard times, but they make us all the more beautiful."

How true... The cookie cutter perfection the Capitol pushed was unattainable, and people who thought they achieved it were liars or at least still highly flawed. Actually, it worked for Panem as a whole. The Districts were beautiful in their adversity and strength. Then there was Chiasa, who persevered through her rough patches, making her into the woman he... was fascinated by.

"Sounds like someone I know," he teased, squeezing her hand.

"I guess..." she replied, blushing a little, "It's always been comforting to me. With everything going on, it was a reminder that I'd come back better. I drew and painted with it as an inspiration. When Daddy died, my first collection afterward was centered around it. Hell, I considered a tattoo a few times, but then I'd have to coordinate outfits around it.

What an interesting idea... Although she was beautiful as she was, it would sure make a statement, even as something temporary, even just makeup. There weren't a lot of visible scars on her body for him to trace; most of them were in her mind. Good enough....

He kissed her forehead and murmured, "In all seriousness, that's a beautiful way of thinking."

Chiasa shut her eyes and let out a contented sigh. However, she wasn't quite done philosophizing yet. She let go of his hand and cupped his face, flashing an alluring, yet sincere smile.

"Plutarch, have I ever told you why I think you're handsome?"

Maybe she'd said a few things in the moment, but it was always hard to tell if anything stuck in that state.

"Because you look like a person," she said, "A real person, not anything they're trying to sell. That boyish grin of yours, your salt and paprika hair... All you, all beautiful."

She paused to rest her forehead against his, evoking said grin until she went in for a brief kiss before continuing.

"Maybe I'm a hypocrite... It's not purely genes that have me looking and thriving this way. But... I don't know. Maybe it's a reflection of you as a person. You're not trying so hard to fit in, you're unapologetic and comfortable in your own skin without being obnoxious about it. I love seeing that in people... Especially men."

She was simply stating a fact. Women like her didn't have time for insecure man-children. She still had a way of complimenting him that caught him off guard. He simply wasn't used to a beautiful woman gushing about how attractive his quiet confidence and idealism were.

"Chiasa, that's... very observant, very kind," he managed.

She giggled. "Well, okay, maybe there are some shallow things too... Everyone knows bigger guys like you are better to lay with... And just better in bed altogether. And I just love freckles... I'm going to sound so cliche, but they're like little stars that just happen to adorn people instead of the sky."

She proceeded to pepper kisses across his cheeks and nose before moving to his chin and jaw, then down his neck.

"Chiasa... What are you doing?"

"I want to kiss all your freckles..."

"Well... It's a good thing we have all night."

The experience was strangely intimate and vulnerable, despite them being familiar with each other by then. Maybe it was how it all tied in... How something perceived as a flaw made him all the more beautiful.

5. Her Joie de Vivre

Idealism was Plutarch's, well, ideal, but cynicism was reality. With all the good he wanted to do, he still lost people, things still went wrong, and sometimes, it was hard to even find joy in the little things. While Chiasa was a cynic in her own way, it was a survival mechanism more than anything. Still, she was so much better at living in the moment. It was all she could do to cope with the world.

The Groundbreaking used to be a patriotic occasion to celebrate the powering of a new arena. Nowadays, it was Gamemaker Mardi Gras; one last day of letting loose before getting to work. Admittedly, he'd always wanted to throw the themed party, an honor reserved for the Head Gamemaker, and "Retro" made sense with the rise of rationing. At least his older colleagues were excited... As was Chiasa. She'd recycled an old, very sheer dress from the second Quarter Quell and adorned herself in glitter as they'd done in the twenties. She was teasing him on purpose...

It wasn't until after the bash that the real fun began. As fun as hosting was at times, it could be exhausting... The leftover confetti and empty glasses almost looked depressing in the blacklight until he felt Chiasa's hand on his shoulder. When he turned around, she ran her hands down his lapels... Of course he couldn't resist wearing her special creation: a jacket decorated in a forties style brocade pattern with extra pockets, simply to be thoughtful. Normally, they were gold to fit the current trends, but she used a special dye to make the patterns appear his favorite shade of purple under blacklight.

"You're looking gorgeous tonight," she purred, "If I do say so myself."

He was quick to pull her into an embrace. "And what were you thinking with that dress... What was your plan? To torture me with our dirty little secret? Having all those other men vying for a dance or drink or more?

"Too bad for them, it was always going to be you at the end of the night," she said, kissing his neck, "Actually... We never had a proper dance, did we? At least now... We don't have to be so formal with each other."

As much as it staved off suspicion, one dance couldn't hurt. Now was a better setting than the party anyway. He started to get in position for a waltz before she stopped him.

"I told you we don't have to be formal, sweetie... That's what a waltz is. I've always enjoyed the rhumba... Less stiff, more sensual."

"I haven't done that since my twenties," he replied sheepishly, "And even then I wasn't that good."

"Aww, that's okay," she reassured him, "It's just us right now. Besides... I know what those hips are capable of... I'm sure if you put your mind to it, you can."

Plutarch was still awful, but it didn't seem to matter to Chiasa. She matched his exaggerated moves and they were soon laughing together. How he needed this, how wonderful life seemed when she was with him... When he easily dipped her and they met in a kiss before heading to his bedroom.

District 13, while a refuge, was a dreary place. No color, no fun, no culture... No Chiasa. Not that he was demotivated, in fact, quelling her worries and tears only gave him more reason to work toward a free Panem. It didn't make him miss her any less, and regret less about not fighting harder to take her with him.

"You know what I miss the most?" he'd said to Katniss one day.

He recalled one lazy, stormy morning, when Chiasa was able to stay for breakfast. It was nothing fancy; eggs over easy for him, poached for her, and toast and coffee for both. Chiasa was in a silk nightgown and curled up on his lap, while he was in a robe that used to gather dust as well as the glasses he barely wore in public. They were simply enjoying each other's company and watching the storm unfold.

Chiasa gasped as a bolt of lightning struck a building in the distance. "It's amazing how something so destructive, dangerous, powerful... can be so beautiful."

"That's just nature, Chiasa," he said, "Believe me, I know a lot about it..."

It would be even more beautiful when it signaled the start of the revolution... Maybe she'd always remember it that way.

"Yes, and how the rain can cause so many problems, but gives life, and makes a lovely sound," she said, "And that smell after a storm..."

"Petrichor."

"Oooh... I didn't know there was a word for it."

He snuck a look at her as she watched the storm go on. Why was she so damned beautiful when she was fascinated... Somehow, she'd grown even more attractive since their initial meeting. Perhaps it was her words, her artist's or wise mind.

"What?" she teased.

Plutarch was saved by a loud clap of thunder that had the pair clinging to each other.

"Don't worry, I'll protect you," he said.

"I'M protecting YOU," she teased.

They met for a kiss. They had coffee breath, but it didn't matter.... It made the moment feel real.

"Plutarch?" Katniss interrupted, "What did you miss?"

Right, Plutarch was still in District 13, and he'd forgotten that Katniss and Marcus were in the room with him. He couldn't tell the truth in front of him... Not while they were stuck together in a bunker anyway.

"Coffee," Plutarch half lied.

Katniss seemed to believe him, but Marcus was skeptical as they both left for the next item on their schedule.

"No, really, what do you miss?" the boy asked, "Nobody's wistful about coffee in the afternoon."

"Let's get back to work, shall we?" Plutarch deflected.

Marcus rolled his eyes, but didn't ask any more. However, though, he seemed to try to elicit something out of him.

"If it matters, I miss my auntie," he said, "Even if the lack of color would have given her a stroke."

Plutarch nodded, seemingly in acknowledgement, but actually in agreement. Chiasa would have found a way to brighten things up. He knew very well the real reason he missed her....

1. Her Kindness

True kindness was a rarity in the Capitol. Nobody was ever just "nice," they always had to want something. Many were simply fair weather, disappearing the moment life got tough. Only a handful of people he knew were kind, many of him his allies... Others just naive. Then there was Chiasa, who was neither an active rebel nor naive about the world.

It should have been a simple arrangement... Chiasa didn't outright say she wanted more, and she was the type to do so. It was nearly summer when he admitted it to himself, and he needed to seek advice from the one person who'd understand and not tease him, Tigris.

He'd kept her filled in on how things were going, as she was a mutual friend and Chiasa would be saved the trouble of coming up with a lie. But now, he told her the whole story, and she only sighed and shook her head with a smile.

"It gets you, that kind of heart," said Tigris, "I know... When you've lived a life full of expectations and without love, that one person who shows you compassion, thinks you're a person worth knowing and loving. You know... Her father was the same way."

That was why Tigris was the best person to ask... She'd had a secret relationship with Tak Lapin before he was killed, that Seiko had allowed. Tigris was right... Every step of the way, Chiasa wanted to know him, and allowed herself to be vulnerable... Allowed him to be vulnerable.

When Plutarch was feeling the loss of an old friend, and couldn't contain himself any longer, she let him have a rare cry on her shoulder, no ridicule, no begging him to be strong. He was another human to her, another person to cherish and comfort. He remembered asking her why she showed him such unconditional care. It was only right, she'd said, that she cared about him.

The night of the interviews was their last opportunity to be together, and the chaos that Peeta caused with his "baby bomb" only helped her sneak over. Unfortunately, one final preparation had gone awry, and after getting socked in the jaw, he had to hunker down. Some of his other agents agreed to fix it, but he was feeling the weight of the pain... And the guilt of having to leave Chiasa behind.

The minute he'd shown himself, she ordered the remaining avox to fetch some ice and vinegar. The next thing he knew, he was on a sofa with her pressing ice against his jaw.

"Don't clench, you'll make it worse," she admonished, "What happened?"

"Mishap," he reassured her, "It'll be fixed.... You're still here."

"Of course I'm still here.... Do you not want me here?" she hesitantly asked.

"No, of course I want you here," he replied, "I'm... ah... I'm just wondering why you're still here... I'm leaving you, Chiasa, I can't believe you agreed."

"Oh, Plutarch...."

She embraced him with her free arm, sniffling, but trying to keep her composure.

"I know it's for a good cause... I know this is bigger than us, I.... I really admire you for this," she managed.

"I wish you could come with me..." he murmured, "I know you can help... I wish I could be sure you won't be in danger."

"I'm tougher than I look, honey... And I never blamed you, never ever. Oh, Plutarch... Just promise me you'll come back in one piece. You know I'll be right here...."

They sat in silence, just holding each other for what seemed like eternity. When he saw her face again, he thought he saw a few tear streaks down her made up face, but she quickly wiped them away.

"If you want to just hold each other tonight, that's okay..."

"No, Chiasa.... I don't know how long I'll be gone," he murmured, "I need to commit you to memory."

Even with his bruised jaw, that last night mind-blowing, both wanting to forget it would be the last... for a while if things went right. The next morning was pure agony; they'd stared at each other, almost daring each other to drop the L-bomb, but neither could. It didn't seem like the right time.... He was a damned idiot, it could have been another regret.

While Plutarch was kept busy and motivated, there were times when he'd miss her the most. The nights were the loneliest, when he'd wish for her to be waiting in his compartment, even just her reassuring voice. Then there was Finnick and Annie's wedding, when love was in the air. He'd gotten into it like most projects, but it felt different... Maybe he was projecting a little... But at least it made him surprisingly helpful with the vows. He had to focus during the final battle... It was crucial in capturing the Capitol, but he couldn't dare look to see if Chiasa was among the panicked masses.

The day of the execution was cathartic for everyone... Even though Coin was initially killed first. What did it matter, she was bad for the rest of Panem and he had a plan to get rid of her if Katniss hadn't taken action. Snow was finally dead, of course, and the era of suffering was over... Yes, there was still a lot of work to be done, but the people deserved to have their hope.

Of course, it was also the day he finally saw Chiasa again, on the steps of the presidential palace with Marcus. He'd certainly be in for a surprise, but he'd adjust... Plutarch did have a soft spot for the kid.

Within seconds, she was back in his arms. It didn't matter that there was more gray and silver in her hair than he remembered, and she was dressed down, he was just happy to be with her again. As was she, and from her very first words to him, he knew she had the same regrets.

"Plutarch… I love you!"

He wouldn't be an idiot this time.

"I love you too, Chiasa," he said, holding her tightly.

The future was bright… The revolution was successful, freedom was within reach, and he was finally going to shape a new world with her by his side. So it went… He didn't need to remain a confirmed bachelor to change the world; in his studies, most of the greats had their greatest loves by their side, and he would be no different. George had Martha. John had Abigail. James had Dolley. Winston had Clementine. Now, Plutarch had Chiasa.

[rinnie-marylin]

Oh it's no problem!

Most of the fanfics i list here are unfortunately discontinued/unfinished but they're WAYY too good to not read. Srry if i sent it too late, my internet disconnected :(

First up we have night N. Gail's stories

These have absolutely ICONIC stories, with just the right amount of angst to keep you fed! And none of the character's are ooc. Plus, it's become a tradition for literally every wg fan to at least know about "saving tobey" lol

Second, there's the prophecy of the star trilogy.

It has everything you could want, action, angst, romance, lore....EVERYTHING! there are alot of cool oc's in this one too!

Then there's saving steven boxleitner

With LOTS of angst, he's literally battling with himself lmao.

Fading facade

This is literally the best fanfic i've read IMO, the concept of the wordgirl universe in it is so cool and interesting! With just enough humour to keep you from crying your eyes out.

The doctor is in

This is one of my personal favourites! Horror, found family, angst, what more can one want in this PERFECT fanfic? I'm not gonna speak anymore so as to not spoil anything because of how good this one is.

Awake in the night

This has a similar concept to saving steven. Infact, most of the wordgirl fanfics made by laura latts are awesome!....except for the bloodplay one, that one was icky, i don't recomment that one.

Something hidden

This one is kinda like saving tobey, but tobey's developement is way different! It's one of the first fanfics i've read and it's the reason why i'm hooked on wordgirl and it's fandom! It's creator also created "have you seen my robut?" As a oneshot where tobey and wg's morale are reversed, i also recommend that one, it's a super interesting take on what their roles are characters would have been if they were reversed!

Every fanfic by 3LNR

They are basically oneshots of how dr twobrains came to be as a villain, they're interesting and angsty!

Becky in blunderland

An alice in wonderland wordgirl AU, not much angst but she does have an identity crisis in the middle of it lmao. But i really liked this one due to how creative the concept of this AU was!

Megamafan16's fanfics

This person makes the BEST episode-like wordgirl fanfics for anyone who wants more wordgirl episodes. And they're actually properly written! It genuinely feels like an episode when you read 'em!

The definition of love and life

Thiis one has LOTS of angst. I think the concept of the fanfic is a little extreme but that's literally the heart of it! Usually with these kinds of angsty fanfics you'd expect the characters to be OOC but genuinely? This is the most accurate depiction of what would happen if wg lost her parents that i've ever seen! (Unlike some wattpad fanfics)

Interview with an inventor

Cute oneshot where tobey's being interviewed. But does has some interesting points from his point of view that really makes you think about his character, without even being OOC!

Substitue teacher

This is another episode-like fanfic where dtb becomes a substitue teacher and finds out wordgirl's identity, what could go wrong?

Too much of a good thing

Yet another episode-like fanfic. Can you tell i like these kind of wg fanfics? It's more fluffy than serious, and i think that's what makes it unique. Also the creator of this fic also made a wg x fnaf crossover so there's also that if yall like lol

Father's day parade

Ah yes, the one day tobey can't celebrate, imagine what could happen next. Tbh this one isn't as special as the other's due to the writing but it is fun to read!

Snheetah's fanfics

Now the thing is, this person obviously started making wg fanfics when they were either a kid or an inexperienced author. So you should read only the fanfics made in 2020 (unless you wanna see how much they improved, which was ALOT), those are probably the most interesting! I especially like "game night" which had SO much suspense between tobey and becky's rivalry that i've seen NO other author depict in perfect fashion. The EXACT enemies to lovers that i've wanted for so long.

Lexiconartist290's fanfics

These are also episode-like fics that i've enjoyed, they've also written some of their own ideas and essays on certain aspects of the show.

The present, the past, and the western: time wraped

Now imma be honest, the story isn't that interesting but the whole developement between tobey and becky was actually interesting to see, Without them being OOC too (I feel like that's the most important thing in literally any fanfic lol)

This app is a fucking nightmare! /ref

Tumblr is apparently eating my replies to a comment where I’m OP so, we’ll try this a different way @rinnie-marylin apologies for tagging you, but as i was saying-

I’m very much of an angst fiend pfft. I live for it, so a lot of my recently read works for Word Girl are on Ao3 but if you have any recommendations through either Ao3 or ff.net then by all means, send them!

I’ve got a dead, unused wattpad acc and trust me, I’m not checking it out lol. Though I’m watching the series for the first time in well, a while so! I’m still a pup in the fandom and watching season two episodes-

Pleasure to meet everyone though!

[enbyboiwonder]

lol how???

[0oolookitsme]

A Day Made Better

Type- Blurb

Verse- Marvel-Actress!Y/n x Marvel-Actor!Harry and Marvel-Actor!Tom Holland

Warnings- None that I can see, but please do tell me if there's any I should put!

Word Count- 912

A/N- I'm slipping back into writing a lot now. Like, I've literally got two more fics saved up and ready to be posted in my drafts and I'm onto working another one. You believe me now? Good. I hope you enjoy reading this <3

Description- Y/n isn't having the best day of her life, Tom can't seem to stop falling and Harry is just too good at making people happy with his little jokes.

It'll be a lie if they were to say that they 'didn't even try' to keep Harry from joining the duo of Tom and Y/n.

Cause they did, they really did try their best. Alas, sweat broke on their foreheads as they lost the unconfirmed battle. But that doesn't mean they are at peace now, oh that's such a no. Perhaps that's why they were gatekeeping Harry, to save them from any greater number of chaotic plans plotted against them.

Every morning, Harry is the first to arrive at the set. Followed by eating-something-Y/n and then a disheveled Tom. And everyone loves their presence but somedays they want nothing more than to tie the three up and throw them in some random deep pit.

Today, majority of the marvel actors are on the set because of some random interview filming which apparently required to them to be on the set. This made the lot who wasn't in the camera view feel annoyed- not sure with the interviewers or with the ones who are being interviewed.

Whatever the option, Y/n is most definitely annoyed with both.

She's been asked to come on set at 5am in the morning, since the last two weeks. Well, everyone has been. But today wasn't like just any other days, no. She had gotten her periods last night, which she blames to make her cry last night. In the morning when she woke up, she was met with her unpleasantly puffed-up eyes, causing her to cry almost again especially when her hair wouldn't get in a proper braid.

At the end, she washed her face with cold once again, looked away from the mirror and threw her hair in a hand curated bun. And, as expected, it looked better than anything.

Then when she arrives on set, she sees Tom on the ground looking like an embarrassed five-year-old, and Harry who's standing right behind him, clutching his stomach and laughing his lungs out while providing his friend with his arm for support.

That did turn the corner of her lips up a tad bit. But when she was told how there wasn't going to be any shooting done today because of interview she and the other two are not a part of, she felt like ripping her hair off her scalp.

She had asked if they could go back then, but the answer she received might be the reason she's sitting in a corner as she registers the fact that this day was going to go down the sink of moodiness.

"Let me tell you a joke," Harry came to sit down beside her, his thigh touching with hers and y/n's not sure if it's because his love language is physical touch or just an unintentional thing. Either thought makes her smile a little. "But you'd have to participate in this one- just once!"

"So, a papa tomato, a mummy tomato and a baby tomato were walking down the street. The baby tomato was walking too slow and got a little behind the parent tomatoes. That made papa tomato mad, and he squished the baby tomato, telling him to: 'ketchup!'" Harry shrieked at the last word and started giggling himself before fixing his eyes on y/n's mouth to see if it made her smile even.

It's like she's laughing, but she doesn't want to laugh- like she wanted to remain sad. Which makes Harry bump his shoulder with hers and laugh along.

Y/n feels something brush on her back before the third musketeer's voice follows. "What's so funny, eh?" He asks as he tries his best to sit down in his kinda tight skinny jeans. "Tell me too, my day hasn't been very heartful either. It's been rather hurtful," he continues himself, squeezing out an unexpected laugh by the other two.

"He's been falling on his ass all morning long," Harry tells y/n as he calms down, still giggling every once in a minute. Though when he sees y/n frown in amusement, he goes on full tryna-convince-her mode. "Like literally!"

"I've fallen what, three times? And what did you do about it, other than wheezing huh?" Tom defends himself from the other side.

"What else could you expect me to do? Massage your arse??"

This snatched a wheeze from y/n's lungs as her body shrinks down. Clutching her stomach, she rises back up and starts to clap while still laughing hysterically.

"Shut up," Tom mumbles, the tops of his cheeks reddening as if someone pinched them.

Harry sputters out laughs as y/n and Tom tell him more about the pranks they have pulled on the rest of the cast members before. But none of them pulls a laugh as loud as the can toppled over Tom's head does.

"Should I throw the other two too, or are you guys coming here to get them?" Sebastian shouts from quite afar with two more cans in his hands.

"No wait! We're coming!" Y/n manages to string the words together in the middle of another wheel of laughter, all while Harry helps her up and Tom cusses out Sebastian.

With the cans finally in their hands, they come back to sit back at their spots. The time followed by goes like that, Y/n spilling her drink as she opens her can, Tom almost slipping over the same drink as he stands up to enact a scene from his favourite movie he was describing and Harry throwing lame jokes here and there.

Tagging- @onecrazydirectioner @tatehuxley222 (you both requested for a part 2 :)) | @marvel1dhp @eloquentree (you both asked to be tagged in all the works <3)

Feel free to reply under any of my original posts or send in an ask requesting to be added in the tag list <3

[kwonhoshi0]

𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧 | fic

navigation | requests : open | 12th march 2021

pairing : dabi x fem!reader

genre : fluff, angst

word count : 3.1k

warnings : fire, death, trauma

themes : strangers to lovers, mutual pining, denial, story changes,

summary : you had to get away from the toxicity that is your father and the hero society. after 17 years of being trapped, you finally have a chance to escape but with a man you didn’t really expect to help. you wondered why he helped you, you don’t know it’s because you don’t question his looks, you saw him not his scars.

you didn't plan for this, you didn't expect him to save you.

the corrupted superhuman society, the toxic society you lived in angered you. maybe things would've been different if your quirk, or your parents weren't who they are.

they wanted to mold you into the perfect weapon against villains, were the villains really the bad guys? who had the right of calling people heroes and villains. what separated them.

those thoughts you asked yourself each day growing up, if you could even call it that. 

everything was okay at first, you felt loved, but once your quirk manifested that changed, drastically.

training everyday until you couldn't move, the tears, the bruises. when would it be enough, is this really what it took to be a hero, to be deemed worthy of such a title?

you had already had to endure 12 years of training constantly, for your dad. you always wondered what is would've been like, to grow up in a stable happy home.

your father had been rejected by the superhuman society, his views were called sick and twisted. he wanted, needed to make you the best. that would've been okay if he let you have a childhood, if he trained you like a daughter not a robot. 

your fathers quirk is jet fire, he can quite literally make jets of fire with his mouth. the green haired man wasn't always bad, he didn't always push you or bruise you. you remembered there was a time, he would hold you, he’d spin you around. 

your quirk is the manipulation of fire, with the particles around you, you can create fire and other gases like smoke. it was a literal merge of your parents quirk, except you don’t breathe fire you create it with your hands.

your mother hasn't talked to you properly since your father started training you at the age of 5. maybe it was the guilt, she never questioned her husband, he had left another woman for your mother, personally you thought she was the last thing holding your fathers sanity together. the guilt of ruining you, corrupting you had haunted her so much she didn't even notice the scars and bruises on your body.

you had never had a real mother figure to show you how strong women are. she would never tell you this but she wondered where you got your anger and courage from.

everyone has a breaking point. yours was when you realized your parents would be living your life for you until they die. that terrified you more than you'd like to admit. the thought of living your life as a hero, a hero you didn't believe in or want to be. an entire lifetime in someone else’s shadow.

did you really live 17 years for this.

you thought about this as you stared up into your ceiling. it was 1am and you couldn't sleep, again.

you had had an argument with the green haired man you were cursed to call dad. it got heated and you locked yourself in your room, you had a bag packed full of clothes and money. staring at it you thought, is it worth it, will all this be worth it.

heroes and villains, you scoffed, they're all the same.

hearing loud steps coming up the stairs, you panicked standing up quickly and shoving the bag into your closet.

“y/n!”

“what” you looked at your door where the man stood, putting your book down next to you. 

“training in 1 hour” you stared at him incredulously, it is 1 fucking am and this lunatic wants me to train, Now.

“no” you deserve sleep, you only finished training a couple hours ago.

“you will train with me in one hour, or else i’m taking your phone and you’ll be training until tomorrow night.” you sighed frustrated and angry as he slammed your door shut. of course he’d take away my one fucking escape.

your eyes darted to the bag peaking out the corner of your closet, maybe today is the day.

you stared at it for a minute before grabbing the bag and checking everything was in there before grabbing a couple more items of clothing and your charger cable. you quickly got changed out of your training clothes and shoved on some baggy jeans and a black turtle neck with some boots. ‘fuck okay, we’re doing this’

you grabbed a pillow and shoved it under your sheets to make it look like you’re sleeping and opened your window, your room was on the second floor so you weren't worried about the drop, you jumped down using smoke to soften your fall and you ran through the alleyways of the city.

after an hour of running you leaned against the wall of an alley and checked your phone to see 30 missed calls from your father. before leaving you made sure to turn off the tracking app and restrictions on your phone.

as you turned to run through the alley you felt eyes on you, a cold breath made the hairs on your neck jolt up, yelping slightly you jumped forward to see.. some sort of sludge monster?

‘fuck’ you breathed as it backed you against the corner, throwing your bag to the side you floated up a little with your quirk and blasted fire at it, it parted where you aimed the fire before molding back together, ‘strong, worthy of me’ it breathed and it collided with you making you scream out in pain, it was agony, it felt like it was ripping you apart inside out.

you could hear voices coming closer but you were a little preoccupied. you had an idea, you slowly created as much fire you could with your hands, the creature shrieked pushing you away as you gasped air filling your lungs again.

you noticed a circular black matter at the end of the alley where the sludge monster appeared from, before you could inspect it it shrunk until it was nothing.

the same voices you heard earlier yelled as the sludge monster slipped through the drains “she’s valuable, she defeated that monster” a man said coming closer to you, you looked at him with furrowed eyebrows “touch me and you die” you breathed standing up from the dirty alley floor. “feisty too” he chuckled.

you were outnumbered, it was 6 to 1 in a small alleyway. before the men could come any closer a voice behind them made them turn, ‘the people you wanted dead are just that, where’s my payment ’ you couldn't see his face so you attempted to look around for an escape, you noticed a drain pipe leading up to a sturdier metal one, if you could jump onto the electric box and swing your up you could make it onto the roof, you just needed to time it perfectly.

one of the men turned to keep an eye on you, “we’ll have your payment in a week” the man in the middle scoffed turning back to you, “you know that’s not good enough, the payment, now or i’ll burn you to ashes” he said with venom laced in his voice, one of the 6 men had moved to the side, you had a clear few of who they were talking to you, you felt as your face heat up at him but you shook it off.

you raised an eyebrow at him signalling to the metal bar, you weren't sure if he’d help you but he’d probably help you if it was for his benefit as well. he flicked an eye between you and the metal bar immediately smirking at your plan. 

you took his smirk as a confirmation and grabbed your bag from the floor and lifted yourself up with smoke from your feet and jumped swinging yourself from the metal bar to the roof, before you could fully push yourself onto the roof you felt a hand gripping onto your leg, you tried shaking the man off only to feel blue heat take over the alley beneath you.

your eyes widened slightly as the scarred man continued burning the men below you, “stop it!” you yelled as he raised an eyebrow at you the blue flames dying down to nothing.

you sighed in relief rolling onto your back, the men scurried away, burnt but alive.

“why’d you stop me?” he asked, you supported yourself on your elbows as he climbed up onto the roof, he didn't look mad, it was a genuine question. “i don’t know maybe i didn't want to see anyone die.” you deadpanned sitting up dusting the dirt off of your clothes.

he looked at you as if you were the most confusing person in the world, you hadn't asked about his scars or flinched when you saw him, or stared at the purple marks around his face and body. he wanted to know why.

“what?, do i have something on my face” you pouted slightly running a hand through your hair. “no, just surprised” you pursed your lips as if waiting for him to say more, you stood up and grabbed the bag full of your belongings you mumbled a “thanks”.

“what was that smokey?” he smirked, a nickname, really. you rolled your eyes at his remark “you should be thanking me as well, without me you would’ve been cornered” he nodded a little at your words “hm well, what’re you doing out here”.

“ran away” you said quickly as you stared at the missed calls on your phone screen. “i need to get away from here” you added as he watched your every move as if trying to decipher you.

“well, you wanna go to hosu?” you looked up at him in disbelief, “what’s in it for you”, he looked conflicted you weren't great at reading people, its not like you had friends or anyone other than your parents around growing up. 

“might change my mind” he grinned before motioning you to follow him, you cautiously followed his steps along the rooftop. “wait i don’t even know your name”. he turned around for a split second before jumping onto another roof, you did the same, “what’s yours”.

“y/n mido- just y/n” if you were really going to leave this world behind then this is where to start, leaving behind your fathers name.

“names dabi, why did you run away” he’s intriguing, besides you needed to get as far away as possible and he’s willing to help so telling him this isn't exactly a danger to you.

“my dads a dick, he’s trying to train me to become the greatest hero but if this is what it takes to have the fucking honor of being called a hero then i don’t want it. i don’t want to be controlled my whole life, or live a life i don’t want”.

“huh, sounds familiar” he joked leading you out of the alleys closer to the lit up streets of the city. you smiled at his joke before jumping down the building as he did using smoke to soften your fall again, he zipped the trench coat up around his mouth and let the hood cover his hair, his piercing blue eyes and nose were the only facial features visible, you laughed slightly at the sight making him roll is eyes at you.

you moved to peak around the corner of the alley, dabi stuck out a protective arm before peaking out as you tried to do a couple seconds before. he let his arm fall to his side again before motioning you to join him, you walked beside him. 

the large lights and billboards made your eyes go wide, “what you never seen the city at night before?” he joked watching your expression stay the same, you looked like a child seeing fireworks for the first time, it was endearing yet sad. had you really been isolated like this, never even seeing something as simple as lights in the darkness.

“i told you, my dad trained me most of my life, so I've never had the luxury of seeing this, never mind at night.”

he hummed at your words as he turned another corner grabbing your arm and dragging you in at the last second making you yelp, a couple motorbikes and cars stood in a line along the small street. the man eyed each of the bikes, you watched as he grabbed a key from a pocket in his oversized trench coat and placed it into a black and blue motorbike before throwing a leg over the seat and turning a head to you. “you coming or not?”.

you grinned before jumping up into the seat.

the world blurred past you, lights buildings and people became one, it really was beautiful, your wide eyes tried to catch everything as you sped past. “where are we going!” you yelled over the noises of traffic and people. “1 day in the city, then hosu city”.

you had never felt more alive, of course you were taking a risk going somewhere you didn't know with a stranger but this was better than being trapped in a house you couldn't call home. 

you gripped his waist as he sped up slightly, he probably didn't how much you hadn't seen, or how much you'd been cut off from the world you thought, in reality he knew more than anyone.

he was busy in thought as you sped past the lit buildings, he watched in the small metal mirror at your expression.

she’s the type to fall in love with everything unreachable, just like i once did.

maybe this was a bad idea, i could’ve just told them i lost her.

the sun started rising a little after you left for the centre of the city, the sunrise you knew all too well rose, sleepless nights led to you watching the sunrise on the rooftop of your house. it was lonely, being alone wasn't something you thought about often. people are disappointing is what you had been taught through experience but however much you wanted to be okay with loneliness you knew you’d find someone to change that, a friend.

“aye you still awake?”,

“mhm”, he grunted in return as you asked him about how much he’d seen of the city, the conversation went onto talk of your family. 

“my mother, she was so in love with the idea of my dad that she kind of just ignored how he treated me, they were good parents at some point, but somewhere along the line that changed”

the day was the most fun you had ever had and much to his disgust you went shopping, you were taking a while “fucking hell, yeah that’s fine”, you frowned at his tone before grinning “hm ill find something better”.

“No, no that is good, yeah its great stick with that”, you laughed at his annoyance before going to pay, “i’ll pay” you shook your head a little grabbing the card you put your fathers money on. 

he rolled his eyes before shoving his own card in the machine and punching in a couple numbers, you thanked him and took the bags resting them on your arms. 

the day went by faster than you liked, you soon found yourself heading towards the motorbike, the black haired man followed next to you eyeing your every move.

she’s going to hate me.

you followed the road out of the city towards another, the lights slowly becoming only dim streetlights. the bright yellow lights of the city were far behind you but even within the peace something was off, you could feel the tension between you and the male, even if you were to ask its not as if he’s going to tell someone he’s known for a little over a day.

“where are we staying in hosu?” you tried to fill the tension with small talk, the man sped up a little before answering “with a couple uh friends, they’re weird”. you nodded as if he could see you, just as you were about to ask him about his ‘friends’ you felt a drop of water hit your cheek.

as the rain slowly got heavier you giggled feeling the drops slide down your face, “what’s so funny smokey” he turned slightly to look at you, you blinked the rain out of your eyes to look at him not expecting to see his bright cerulean eyes looking straight into yours, your breath hitched slightly but you didn't look away, his eyes averted back to the road again and you let out of a breath you didn't know you were holding.

he found himself somehow jealous of the fact that the rain got to touch you, your eyes lit up as you watched the lightning flash across the night sky.

he huffed in anger at himself for even feeling these things, whatever, shes gonna hate me after this anyway.

with only an hour left for hosu you felt yourself getting tired and you grabbed a monster from your bag, you opened the can shuddering a little at the cold you chugged most of the acidic down your throat before hearing the boy in front of you elbow your knee, his hand was held out for the drink, you rolled your eyes pouting slightly and handed him the drink, the rest of the sugary drink drained down his throat. 

something about him intrigued him, maybe it was his mysterious nature, mystery had always drawn you in, it was fun figuring out mysteries and conspiracies, so why is he so difficult to figure out. his eyes were the most mysterious to you, his bright ocean filled eyes. they held so many stories, so many emotions you couldn't decipher.

“hey i asked you a question” you shook away your thoughts and asked dabi to repeat it he sighed shaking his head before smirking for a split second, “i asked how much you hate villains”, you furrowed your eyebrows at his question.

“i don’t hate villains.” you said simply he looked back at you as if asking you to carry on.

“its unfair how quick people are to decide the difference between heroes and villains, most heroes aren’t even good people, they're just fakes hiding behind the mask that is saving people, you hurt people in secret your whole life and then save a couple people and you’re suddenly a hero?, i don’t hate villains, i hate people who think get can choose who’s a hero and who’s a villain just from their appearance”.

he thought for a couple minutes before his lips curled into a small smile, she really gets it huh.

“i’m not stupid, i know you’re deemed a villain dabi, but you don’t seem one to me”, his smile softened a little as if you said the most meaningful words to exist, he felt his walls slowly breaking for you, worst part is he let it happen.

he turned one final corner before parking outside what looked like an abandoned warehouse, you hopped off the bike and followed the man to the door he sighed slightly, he let you go in front of him, you stopped at the door and turned around to look at him questioning his sigh.

he inched closer to you as your back pressed against the door, your eyes widened as his former comforting smile turned into a sad smile, as if he wished this could last.

your breath hitched as his face got closer, he grinned for a second his nose brushing against your own, just as you thought he was going to kiss you he pulled back slightly and lifted his hand which was clenched as if he was holding something, his hand stopped level to his mouth, he opened it and blew the powder into your face making you immediately collapse.

you didn’t expect him to save you anyway.

A/N : damn so part2? DJSF

FUN FACT : manga spoiler : when he said “ she’s the type to fall in love with everything unreachable, just like i once did.” he was talking about his desire to become the greatest hero with his quirk but because of his body is was unreachable.

taglist : @todoroki-shoto-is-life @blazedbakugou @luluwiie @blue-gold-demigod-clouds @gazelle-des-pres

[insfiringyou]

In your answer about feminism days ago, you've said that each one of the girls have feminist traits in their personalities. What you'd considser to be those traits and how each one incorporate that in their lives?

Hi, thanks for your question. We have thought of some ideas below, but also I am sure our readers will also have their own opinions and might be able to make some good points too. You can find out more about our girlfriends here.

* just a quick disclaimer that the answer below discusses issues that may be triggering regarding sexual abuse and women’s issues*

I think Cassandra and Ji-eun would be the most ‘vocal’ about labeling themselves as feminists. For Ji-eun, she definitely sees herself as very career driven and as struggling in a male-dominated environment. I think a lot of her focus comes from being denied an education by her first husband who did not want her to go to Law school, having quite traditional parents and also witnessing first hand the pressure that women are under to get married and have children young. It is something she still struggles with at present, since she both wants to settle down and start a family, but also wants to be at the top of her game career-wise, and unfortunately that internal debate causes her to be quite jealous and mean-spirited towards other women, which obviously goes against what (we believe) feminism should be about, but also makes her very human. We also think she would struggle to find a lot of support and sympathy in other women around her, especially as she’s physically very attractive and has had some surgery (such as her boob job), which makes her quite lonely. In a way, we consider it similar to the recent comments by actress Megan Fox who said that she’s a feminist, but that other feminists don’t want her in their club. 

Cassandra fundamentally is very liberal and accepting and likewise is very career-driven, which makes her decision to have a baby all the more harder (since we think her acting roles would, unfortunately, dry up once she had a baby, and it would be hard to juggle that kind of lifestyle while being a single mother). She’s someone who grew up with academic parents in a really cultural part of Europe, and therefore has grown to have quite socialist political views, and also is a supporter of LGBTQ+ and women’s rights as well as feminist issues. She’d probably be the first person to start a fundraiser or create art to support women’s charities such as period projects in third world countries. I also do think she’s inherently kind and supportive of other women, but also I imagine someone who within Korean society would be looked down on by a lot of more ‘traditional’ men and women. While she’s mildly successful within her own niche, we do see her as living on the fringes of society, and unfortunately going forward as a young single mother, would come across a lot of stigma. While it’s not necessarily explicitly said within our fics, we do think she has been sexually assaulted in the past before meeting Taehyung in ‘casting couch’ type scenarios early in her acting career, and while I think she has buried a lot of that to the back of her mind, or tried to justify it somehow, she’s also really determined not to let anyone do that to her again. This I think does show in her strong sense of independence and not wanting to raise a child in an environment that would be unhealthy.

Min-seo is someone who we don’t necessarily think would consider herself a ‘feminist’, but I think that’s more because she’s not necessarily been in a situation where she has had to think that through. In a lot of ways, she has been fortunate in having quite a sheltered upbringing and not having to have faced the types of issues that might make someone consider ‘feminism’, However, we do think she’s one of the most supportive characters in terms of other women. She tries to see the best in everybody and we also think she’d recognise the freedom for women to do what they want with their bodies.

Jeong-sun we think was raised in quite a ‘hands-off’ way by her parents, and her mother, in particular, is quite liberal and adventurous which has made her not really want to conform or rely on other people too much. If asked, she would probably consider herself a feminist, and values her own identity over becoming a perfect wife/mother. We think it shows in the brief mentions of her dating the accountant, who was a little more traditional in his dating techniques and in what he expected from her than Yoongi, that in that relationship she did not feel like herself and was uncomfortable - fearing that if she stayed with him she would be trapped into that lifestyle. She’s definitely someone who believes in women’s rights and the importance of being educated as well as being as financially independent as she can. She enjoys being able to buy drinks for Yoongi and would always offer to pay when on dates. For what it’s worth, we see Yoongi as being the most ‘feminist’ among the boys.

Nana is also someone who really values the importance of education and independence. Before meeting Hoseok, she was quite happy in her single life and while she had some insecurities about her body, isn’t someone who would conform to make someone happy. She’s completely herself at all times and would consider everyone equal, regardless of protected characteristics. 

Ara on the surface does conform a little more to the Korean ideal, as in physically she dresses ‘cute’ and has had some minor surgery, but we do think she’s had her own struggles and hardships - especially relating to bullying, her learning disability and having a terminally ill mother, which has played on her insecurities about herself. Her own sense of identity at the start of the storyline is quite low which we think partially is to do with not having a lot of time to focus on herself when she was young. She had the pressure of having to help her father bring up her younger brother, as well as no longer having the role model figure of her mother in her life. We do think, as the story progresses, she’s slowly becoming more independent from Jimin and gaining a stronger sense of who she is and what she wants from life, which is going to be an upcoming topic within their storyline, as well as being more career-driven as her work as an Idol takes off. While it’s not necessarily related directly to feminism, we do also think she is bisexual, which we have tried to slot into a few of our fics but could never find the right time to bring it up. 

Young-soon does feel some pressure to conform to Korean standards (both in terms of her looks/body and also in her choice of jobs - she doesn’t for example, strive for promotions at work), but also does enjoy having her own independence to a point. We do think she’s quite aware of women’s issues and would be supportive of other women and believe in equal rights (probably teaching Jungkook a thing or two about this along the way), but doesn’t necessarily relate it to her own life. We do think she worries about what other people think of her, especially in dating someone younger, but also isn’t overly concerned about getting married young. We don’t necessarily think her parents want her to rush into marriage, and they actively disliked her boyfriend before Jungkook. 

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

Right For All The Wrong Reasons Duncan Shepherd x Fem Reader (18) AU

Dedicating to @langdonsinferno for our mutual love for the film American Beauty, couldn't resist writing this concept hope you enjoy!

A/N: Used some of the main elements to the plot of the film American Beauty with some adjustments and changes. Duncan Shepherd becomes disillusioned with his existence and begins to hunger for fresh excitement in his life. As he experiences a new awakening of the senses, his marriage to Claire Underwood-Shepherd was a dead end heading nowhere but when their daughter Alexis brings her friend Y/N around Duncan's fantasies get the better of him, bound and determined to get what he wants he let's his lustful thoughts become reality when he seduces the barely legal 18 year old fulfilling his wildest desires.

Warnings: Cheating, Lust, Fantasizing, Barely Legal 18 Year Old Reader, Fingering, Masturbation, Oral (Fem Reader Receives), Virginity Loss, Rough Sex, Choking, Dominate Duncan, Submissive Fem Reader, Mention Of Divorce, Dirty Talk, Daddy Kink, Absolute Dirty Smut

Word Count: 4,361 Words

Note: Lyics used in this fic are from American Woman by Lenny Kravitz and Beach by Mew

Duncan Shepherd becomes disillusioned with his existence and begins to hunger for fresh excitement in his life. As he experiences a new awakening of the senses, his marriage to Claire Underwood-Shepherd was a dead end heading nowhere but when their daughter Alexis brings her friend Y/N around Duncan's fantasies get the better of him, bound and determined to get what he wants he let's his lustful thoughts become reality when he seduces the barely legal 18 year old fulfilling his wildest desires.

They were always fighting. There were screams, a loud crash and shattering glass. I quickly escaped to my room and closed the door

He  was outside.

I turned on the music, so I wouldn't have to hear anything from downstairs. I brushed my hair. It was dark and long, much like raven's wings or maybe just a black veil draped over my head. The mirror reflected sad eyes of a little girl, hiding behind that veil. The veil had been put on at the very moment of birth, since my family was never a family, but a nest of cruel and uncaring people.

I went to the window and eyed the front yard. He was there, I knew it, even though I couldn't see him. Carefully I let the music carry me, lyrics letting me sway to the beat.

"It's hard to make sense

Feels as if I'm sensing you through a lens

If someone else comes

I'll just sit here listening to the drums"

I had closed my eyes. The notes flew through me like a force of pure emotion, so raw and so deep that it almost hurt. I could've stayed like that for a long time but I knew that was not what he expected.

I opened my eyes. Then I slowly took off my top, revealing the skin beneath it. There was no need for a show, he didn't want that. I didn't want that. Or at least I thought I didn't. My real wants and needs had blurred with his, making me obey him blindly. Still, he didn't force me to do anything. It was all up to me to make my next move.

I took off my bra. When I revealed my breasts, I saw a quick move somewhere in the night. He was there, watching me, I was sure of it now. I swirled a stray of hair around my finger, then let go of it. I traced the line from under my jaw right down to my waistline, feeling the breastbone, the navel and the fabric of my skirt. Then I stopped.

"The world is like you

Here time's the charm

Like a dog it's breathing

They're just as lonely

And we all make mistakes once in a while"

//Seated in the bleachers, next to the high school BAND, is a group of about twenty TEENAGE GIRLS, dressed in pale blue and white uniforms. Among them, Alexis sits next to Y/N Y/L/N. At eighteen, Angela is strikingly beautiful; with perfect even features, h/c  hair and a nubile young body, she's the archetypal American dream girl.

On the gym floor, the girls perform. They're well-rehearsed, but too young to carry off the ambitious Vegas routine they're attempting.

Duncan Shepherd leans forward in his seat.

He is focused on Y/N now. Everything starts to SLOW DOWN... the MUSIC acquires an eerie ECHO…

He watches transfiixed.

Y/N looks directly at us now, dancing only for Duncan. Her movements take on a blatantly erotic edge as she starts to unzip her uniform, teasing us with an expression that's both innocent and knowing, then... she pulls her uniform OPEN and a profusion of RED ROSE PETALS spill forth…

Y/N, fully clothed, is once again surrounded by the other girls. The HIGH SCHOOL BAND plays its last note, the Dancing Spartanettes strike their final pose, and the audience APPLAUDS.

Claire Duncan's wife claps along with the rest of the audience while he just sits there, unable to take his eyes off Y/N.

The game is long over. Y/N and Alexis come out of the gym. Duncan and Claire  stand at the edge of the parking lot. She crosses reluctantly toward her parents, followed by Y/N. “Congratulations, honey, you were great.” Duncan praised his daughter. “I didn't win anything.” She states offhandedly with a shake of her head. “Hi, I'm Duncan.” He extends his hand to his daughter's new friend. “Hi.” her voice is melodic Duncan is drawn in, though she comes across shy he senses something about Y/N, something beyond the shy front Y/N has in place.

“This is my friend Y/N Y/L/N” Alexis introduces you to her parents, her parent's looked like the high class version of the typical 9-5 office job type of couple. Claire is well reserved and has made quite the name for herself in D.C. in the political profession, Duncan Shepherd was tall handsome dressed in a $10,095.00 Giorgio Armani business suit. The 5 o clock shadow that adored his handsome face and every  hair on his head was perfectly in place, the scent of his cologne Killian's Black Phantom waived through the cool night air. Duncan was old enough to be her father at the distinguished age of 35 and though it was inappropriate Y/N already found herself attracted so strongly that it was impossible to deny. She couldn't help all the dirty overly sexual thoughts that already flooded her mind, but then again neither could Duncan despite the 17 years age difference their minds seemed perfectly in sync.

Later that night….

Y/N POV

Duncan and Claire were in bed, even in a deep sleep Mrs. Shepherd looked determined. Duncan is in that boundary between sleeping and awake he stares up at us.

A solitary single red rose petal falls slowly through the air.

Duncan's POV

'It's the funniest thing’

The red rose petal lands just in view on Duncan's pillow.

Duncan POV

‘I feel like I've been in a coma for about twenty years, and I'm just now waking up.’

More rose petals fall to the bed surrounding him, in his dream induced haze he smiles up at the almost life like vision that played out before him.

Duncan's POV

Y/N, naked, FLOATS above us as a deluge of ROSE PETALS falls around her. Her hair fans out around her head and GLOWS with a subtle, burnished light. She looks down at us with a smile that is all things…

**********************************************

A few days later Alexis brought Y/N over after school, it was Friday night the initial plan was a sleep over and girl time.

The two were in the living room in front of the large screen streaming music videos from YouTube. “Oh, shit. They're home. Quick, let's go up to my room.” Alexis clicked the tv off tossing the remote aside. “I should say hi to your dad I don't want to be rude.” Y/N called from behind her shoulder sauntering towards the kitchen. “Besides I could use a drink, you want me to grab you one?” “Yes there is root beer thanks.” Alexis responded hastily disappearing.

Duncan is in the kitchen faced towards the open refrigerator. “Nice suit.” Her voice rings out immediately causing him to snap at attention to face her, He is instantly transfixed.

Duncan's POV

‘Y/N leans against the counter, twirling her hair.’

“Your looking good Mr Shepherd.” There is a saying that says flattery will get you no where but to him hearing anything come from her lips would get her anywhere even if it was naked in bed with him to play out all his wild dirty fantasies. In the eyes of the state 18 is considered an adult so in all honesty it would be consensual. She slowly moves towards him, “the last time I saw you you seemed kinda wound up.”

Duncan's POV

‘She reaches inside the refrigerator to grab a bottle. As she does, she moves to place her other hand casually on Lester's shoulder. He sees it coming. Everything SLOWS DOWN, and all sound around in that moment  FADES…’

‘Her hand as it briefly touches his shoulder in SLOW MOTION. We HEAR only the amplified BRUSH of her fingers against the fabric of his suit, and it's unnatural, hollow ECHO…’

Duncan snaps back into reality, the hear and now. Y/N grabs two root beers from the fridge smiling at him. His eyes narrow just slightly with that mixture of sexy yet dangerous.

Duncan's POV

‘He cups her face in his hands and kisses her. She seems shocked, but doesn't resist as he pulls her toward him with surprising strength. He breaks the kiss, looking at her in awe, then he reaches up and touches his lips. His eyes widen as he pulls a ROSE PETAL from his mouth right before we…’

Real time...

Y/N is back against the counter, drinking the root beer. Duncan stands by the refrigerator, gazing at her, still lost in fantasy.

Later that night….

Claire  lies sleeping. Duncan is awake, staring at the ceiling. After a moment, he gets up, taking care not to disturb Claire, and walks toward the bathroom.

‘Across from us, in a PEDESTAL BATHTUB, is Y/N. She smiles and beckons us, and we MOVE CLOSER. ROSE PETALS float on the surface of the water, obscuring her naked body.’

‘Duncan leans down by the bathtub like a man in church. “You've been working out, haven't you? I can tell.” She arches her back looking up at him provocatively. “I was hoping you'd give me a bath, I'm very very dirty.” ‘

‘Duncan  gives her a hard look, then slowly slips his hand into the water between her legs. Her eyes widen and she throws her head back...and we…’

Y/N POV

‘His hands run over my body and I let out a soft sigh. I need to ease the ache between my thighs. I need him touch me, to tease me. I need to cum. Wanton desirous thoughts invade my mind. The feeling overwhelms me and I can't do anything else until I'm sated. I let my thighs fall open as he slips his fingers into my cunt. Heat envelopes them as he slide two inside.’

‘My cunt throbs with pleasure. I feel you inside me, filling me. He  slide another finger inside, greedily filling me, thrusting them in and out to keep rhythm with my hips. I lift my leg, needing him to push deep, feeling the velvet walls of my cunt squeezing tight around his fingers. My arousal surges. My legs tremble. I wonder if you can feel me. Feel how my body knows just how to respond to your touch.’

‘My clit throbs. He presses harder, stroking me. His fingers are slick against me. My body begins to succumb. I don't want to draw it out any longer. I need it too much to let it last. I need to be greedy. I need to be satisfied. His fingers move frantically over my clit. My cunt pulses harder. I feel the heat building inside me. I gasp again and a small cry escapes my lips. I can't control my hips as they buck up against his hand. My heart pounds as I feel pleasure flood my body. Hot breath rushes from my lungs as I cry out. Warmth pulses over his hand and I careen into bliss. Can you feel it?’

Real time…

Claire, her eyes wide, listening to the rhythmic BRUSH of Duncan's hand as he masturbates under the covers. She flips over and faces him, “what are you doing?” A beat passes “Nothing” he responds frustrated. Claire switches on the bedside lamp, “you were masturbating weren't you?” “Don't be ridiculous Claire I was not.” He turns his back to her letting out a loaded sigh. “Yes you were” she challenged. He turns to face her trying to appear innocent but gives up. “Alright so shoot me I was whacking off!”  Claire gets out of their bed repelled Duncan can only laugh. “That's right. I was choking the bishop. Shaving the carrot. Saying hi to my monster” Claire shakes her head “that's disgusting.” “Well, excuse me, but I still have blood pumping through my veins!” Yelled argumentativly.

Duncan's POV

‘ Claire this hasn't been a marriage for years. But you were happy as long as I kept my mouth shut. Well, guess what? I've changed. And the new me whacks off when he feels horny, because you're obviously not going to help me out in that department.’

//American woman, stay away from me… american woman, mama let me be… don't come a  hangin' around my door... I don't want to see your face no more...//

Duncan has retreated downstairs to the kitchen, opening the refrigerator he grabs a beer and starts to head toward the family room.

Duncan's POV….

‘AS we MOVE SLOWLY around a corner, Y/N comes into view, standing at the STEREO, holding a CD case. She's been crying; her face is puffy, and her hair mussed. She regards us apprehensively... then puts on a slightly defiant smile.’

‘ ‘'He leans against the wall taking a swig of his beer, “Not at all, bad night?” “No not really just strange” she replies. “Believe me couldn't be any stranger than mine” he stated with an exasperated huff. She smiles. They stand there in silence; the atmosphere is charged.’

‘ “Alexis and I had a fight…. It was about you.” Y/N admitted. “She's mad at me because I think your sexy.” Duncan grins. He is sexy. “Do you want a sip?” You nod. Duncan  holds the bottle up to her mouth and she drinks clumsily. He gently wipes her chin with the back of his hand “so are you going to tell me what you want?” He asked with an eyebrow raised. “I don't know.” It was a lie she knew exactly what she wanted. “You don't know?” ‘

‘His face is very close to yours was this really happening--or was it mere imagination… “what do you want?” She asked him her eyes locked on his. “Are you kidding? I want you. I've wanted you since the first moment I saw you. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” Y/N takes a deep breath just before Duncan leans in to kiss her cheek, her forehead, her eyelids, her neck… “you don't think I'm ordinary?” “God, fuck no… you couldn't be ordinary if you tried.” Duncan presses his lips to yours in a seductive kiss, it was wrong but felt oh so right in a variety of ways.’

‘Y/N lays back on the couch as Duncan moves in over her. He pulls her jeans off and gently brushes his fingers over her legs, then moves up and caresses her face.. He  starts unbuttoning your blouse. Slowly he eyes every inch of her skin. Duncan pulls her blouse open, exposing her breasts. He looks down at her, grinning, unable to believe he's actually about to do what he's dreamed of so many times, and then… “It's my first time.” Duncan laughs surely she is kidding right? ‘

Y/N POV….

‘ I laid down and he was sort of kneeling over me as we kissed. “You’re a lovely girl.” Duncan's voice was kind of firm. I imagined he was expressing irritation with me for earlier telling him about being insecure about my looks. I  felt uneasy for a moment. I was embarrassed that I was wearing an old plain white bra. I looked up to see if he was staring at my breasts, but he was to my surprise looking at my face. I wondered if he thought they were unattractive or if maybe he didn’t like breasts. “I don’t think you ever  did tell me.” he broke the silence. I pulled off my skirt and underwear, and then he moved his head down. For a while I stared at the wall, and then I caught a glimpse of his head down in between my legs. I wondered what he was doing.’

Duncan's POV…

‘ I was kissing and licking everywhere  between your thighs I could tell you were getting turned on. I moved on to the clitoris, I starting with gentle licking and sucking. I look up to see you “does that feel good, babygirl?” You were unable to respond but by your blissed out expression it was clear I was doing something right. “You look so hot right now, at my mercy, so young so vulnerable” I paused for a moment then I asked you, “Did any guy ever do that to you before?!” ‘

Y/N POV…

‘ “Do what?” my voice came out nervous betraying the brave front I often gave off. “Eat you out.” Duncan responded seductively. Despite the dim lighting I could see the smirk on his face. I had felt his face and hair rubbing against my thighs, it kind of tickled but at the same time it turned me on. I felt an unrelenting pressure build in my abdomen it was driving me insane. I could smell my pussy juices on his breath. ‘

‘ He moved in to kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me, but I didn’t want him to think I would want something like that, so I turned my head to the side to dodge him. But he tried again, grinning big, and we kissed and I was excited by him forcing a kiss on me and forcing me to taste myself on his tongue. Then two of his fingers went into my dripping pussy and it hurt tremendously.  My eyes snapped shut and I started to moan both from pain and out of feeling an obligation to make him think I was enjoying it (and in all honestly I really was), and feeling like I wanted to excite him by moaning and groaning.’

‘ I peeked my eyes open and saw his face was right over mine, watching my reactions.  he was grinning god how he looked so sexy right then. “God, you’re wet.” he moaned. He took his fingers out and held them up to the light. They were drenched, completely covered in my arousal.’

‘ I writhed beneath him in sexual bliss, nothing mattered in that moment than how this felt, how my body responded to his. My body was a map but every inch, every curve he knew it almost like committed memory. I was made for him and he knew it, I knew that there would never be anyone else that could ever make me feel like this it was like ‘devine appointment’. He was experienced and he knew just what to do and boy he did it well. I embraced the desire to quench the sexual fire that burned throughout my body setting every nerve ending on a blazing rage of intense fire.’

‘ “Cum for me babygirl.” His voice was firm yet commanding. My body detonated. The heat that had built up inside of me for what seemed like forever  and had been centred entirely on my most sensitive areas and it burst out. Warmth and tension coursed through every vein as my heart leapt for joy and pumped my blood explosively. My skin tingled as a wave of goose bumps rode a shiver along my body stretching out to every extremity as my breath caught in my throat. I could feel fluid blasting out of my exposed and knickerless core and soaking my thighs further as an orgasm ripped through me.’

Duncan's POV….

‘ “Do you like that? Do you like I make you feel.” I own every single piece of your body, and we are attached to each other as one. I love how your skin tone matches your lips and make your hot eyes look brighter when you look me directly in the eyes telling me that you know I'm have you, I have you right where I want you. I want to cover you in marks and hickeys hearing you moan uncontrollably.’

‘ “ I want to make love to you, rub my cock on your clit, make you beg for it for me to put it inside of you. But I'm not going to until you say please daddy fuck me. Over and over again, I want to make you drip babygirl.” Your frustrated state was almost endearing, your face was flush, I heard your needy please leave your lips like a prayer. “Please daddy fuck me, I want to feel every inch of you rip me apart. I want you to fuck me so hard I can't walk straight for weeks afterward.” You begged me.’

‘ “Well since you put it that way…” my body was in overdrive, in an almost inhuman speed I was out of my pants discarding them off to the sidelines. “I want to choke you while I fuck you relentlessly, I think it's only fair to warn you that this won't be sweet and slow but it will be hard, fast and deep. I don't intend on showing any mercy.” I smirk at you before I slammed into you without warning giving you no time to adjust to my size. I want to ruin you, rip you apart, test your limits.” ‘

‘ Pelvic bones got heavier, shifted somehow. Y/N not only  experiences multi-orgasmic fireworks, but a more realistic longing for the act of sex to last longer, to “feel more.” ‘

Y/N POV….

‘ When we had danced and I lost myself—in him, in the music, in the shapes on the wall—I was also intensely aware of myself physically. I felt as though my pelvic bones got heavier, shifted somehow. And when he had pushed into me on the mattress, I was wet, though I hadn’t known I would be. His warm slide in and out felt not like the intrusion, but like something that was already part of me. I hadn’t any sense of wanting him to finish: I’d reached and pushed against him to feel more. “Deeper…” I managed to call out breathlessly. I felt his hand reach up to grab my throat closing in around it with just enough pressure to add to my already heightened senses.’

‘ It’s hard to experience desire while at the same time controlling it. We were trying to lose control, I couldn't explain it but I trusted him. His dominance is merely a way to show his control, to push my limits, to break me. Would he hurt me intentionally, or cause any harm? No the kind of delicious pain I was feeling was more a way to drive me crazy, the right amount of pain mixed with pleasure was nothing more than absolute complete and total bliss.’

‘ We were moving purposefully, into and against each other, I was holding the top of the bed, my eyes falling back into my eyelids, and we were trying to follow our desires, such as we understood them, and we could tell we were close to something. I watched these images in gold and red and white as Duncan’s fingers fluttered and moved as our bodies molded into one. When my body began to tense, his understood and our bodies seemed to move like a well oiled machine, my rhythm matching his thrust for thrust.’

‘ I was waiting, craving almost desperate as I felt my release very near. No violence was committed, it was clear he desired it as much as I did, it was consensual like an unspoken agreement between us both. I was savoring this saving every last moment between us that we were sharing, I committed it to memory. I have been stripped and I entered the pit and I didn't want to ever come up out of it.’

Duncan's POV…..

‘ Y/N was poised to melt, to completely shut down underneath my touch. I owned you ever single inch. Because of the intensity of this moment we shared it was an unspoken happiness of pure sexual and wanton bliss. Her head flung back fuck she looked absolutely gorgeous. When I locked my gaze with her she was fixed on me eyes glassy.’

‘ My breathing became loud and shaky I moaned out. Our bodies were in the extremes of pure unbridled pleasure, it's like we weren't in our own bodies anymore like we were possessed taken over by desire. We worked at a deliberate frenzy to chase our ultimate release. She wrapped her legs around my waist lifting up at just the right angle allowing us a feeling that both of us enjoyed. “I am close… I….” I gave my go ahead, dropping my dominant personality just slightly “go ahead cum for me babygirl.” I coaxed you. I felt your pussy walls clench around me as your release covered my cock causing me to near my release within not even half a second afterward. We road out our orgasms and attempt to regain normal breathing again. I laid down next to you, our eyes connected both of our blissed out expressions giving us a natural high. With damn near fifteen years of marriage with Claire it was evident that the passion between us had fizzled out making the act of sex nothing more than going through the motions. But tonight with us it sparked something between us something unquenchable, I knew this was the first time but it surely wasn't the last. We had both had a taste and if it was the last thing we would ever do it damn sure wouldn't at all be the last especially if I had anything to do about it. Claire was now nothing more than an inconvenience, an unpleasantry and she would be dealt with. Our marriage was dead and undoubtedly within less than 24 hours I would see to it to have her served with divorce papers. It was time to live life my way on my terms fuck everything else because nothing or noone was going to stand in my way.’

‘ "You are as beautiful as a raven; wrong in all the ways but still the only right for my eyes." I broke the silence between us. "And you are not a dream, because if you are, then I am one too." I scrutinised her for a brief moment. After that fell the silence once more. For the first time ever I smiled at you, then looked away and the moment passed. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.’

//"It is sweet outside

Where it seems magical

And if nothing works

We'll do nothing

Save yourself tonight

Asleep in the dark

I hope we're on time"//

[pickalilywrites]

Did you see arcanelucario's headcanon based on ilselani's fan art of Eren Annie and Falco? Could you write something like that with those three, it's been bugging me since I saw that fan art and I think you'd write something really good for it. Love your fics

Ah, this one has been sitting in my ask for so long I feel bad >///@arcanelucario and @ilselani are such talented people, so writing something based on their work is an honor ^^

Babysitting

EreAni. Modern AU. 

3952 words. 

Annie doesn’t hate kids. She doesn’t even dislike them. She just doesn’t know what to do with them when they’re in her presence, so she tries to avoid them as much as possible. It’s been tough to do now that she’s been dating Eren, who enjoys hanging with the Grice kids, family friends that are so close to him that they might as well be related. But even at family gatherings, she tries to keep interactions with them to a minimum, preferring to keep her conversations with them short although she suspects that giving children one-word answers to all their questions make her difficult to like. She can’t even bring herself to smile in front of them because kids make her so nervous, and her default bitch face isn’t that much better. Still, she tries to manage as best as she can.

But she can’t avoid any of that now that Eren has agreed to babysit Falco, one of the Grice children. Colt, Falco’s older brother, was spending the day with Zeke at a ballgame that was taking place downtown. Zeke only had two tickets, so Falco, who is far more thoughtful than Annie thought that an eight-year-old child could be, graciously volunteered to stay at home until Eren offered to spend the day with him so that he wouldn’t have to spend the day moping. She had initially shuddered at the thought of having to spend the day with Falco, who probably though her frightening because of her apparent dislike of him. (She doesn’t dislike him. That’s just her face. She actually thinks the kid is quite charming even though she never really knows what to say to him.)

Needless to say, she’s not really looking forward to this. She’s sure that the kid will come out thinking she’s some sort of witch by the time he gets picked up tomorrow.

“Do you want to sit in the front or in the back?” Eren asks Falco.

Falco hesitates when he sees that Annie slips into the driver’s seat, probably thinking that the cool blonde is far too scary to sit next to even though his cousin Eren has been dating her for quite some time. After a while, he finally says, “I think it’s fine if I sit in the back. You want to sit in the front with Miss Annie, don’t you?”

“You can just call her Annie, you know,” Eren says as he opens the door to the back of the car so that Falco can slide in. He takes the seat next to Falco, waving a hand when Falco begins to protest. “It’s fine. I get to see Annie every day. She’s probably thankful that you’re here now so I have someone else to bother all day.”

“He’s right. He’s annoying if you’re stuck with him all day,” Annie says from the front. She adjusts the rearview mirror so that she can see the both of them clearly in its reflection. Falco looks surprised as if he hadn’t expected her to talk, but Eren just gives her the same adoring smile that he always does. “Buckle up, boys.”

Eren helps Falco buckle his seatbelt before doing his own. “Is there anything you want to do? Play ball? Watch the game on TV? Play video games?”

“Er, it’s okay,” Falco mumbles. He picks at imaginary lint on his clothing, his eyes flitting nervously at where Annie sits in the driver’s seat. “I don’t want to disturb Miss Annie while she’s doing her work.”

“It’s just a bit of reading,” Annie tells Falco. She’s an editor at a publishing company, something she’s mentioned once or twice at Eren’s family parties. She didn’t think Falco would remember something like that or had even heard. “Even if you’re noisy, I listen to music while I’m working so I probably won’t hear you guys at all.”

Falco looks relieved, but Eren frowns and leans over to poke Annie’s cheek. “Are you really not going to hang out with us? Zeke’s out with Colt, so now Falco and I are lonelier than usual. Doesn’t a day with us sound better than reading a bunch of manuscripts?”

She takes a quick glance at the rearview mirror, eyebrow raised. “Falco? Sure, I’d love to spend a day with him. But you? No, not at all.”

She sees Falco smile a little bit to himself, stifling a laugh behind a hand, and she thinks that maybe they’ll be alright after all.

The car ride home is a lot livelier than she expected it to be. Annie was sure it would be filled with a lot of long and awkward silences – Falco was a quiet child and she wasn’t really one for conversation herself – but Eren had a surprising number of car ride games up his sleeve. He only played them with Falco knowing that Annie disliked distraction when she was doing anything, especially driving, and the two played numerous types of games all at once. She was impressed with their ability to jump from game to game seamlessly without any hiccups or confusion – word games, geography games, twenty questions, a game called padiddle where they would watch for cars with one headlight out, and punch buggy. It seems that punch buggy is Falco’s favorite because he can sock Eren as hard as he could and Eren would cry out, rubbing his arm and complain about how strong Falco is.

Annie doesn’t usually get too invested in what happens in the back seat of her car. She usually tries to ignore the people who sit there unless they’re too drunk and on the verge of throwing up on the car cushions. Otherwise, she’s learned to drown out whatever happens there. She kind of has to when Sasha and Connie clamber into the backseat drunkenly singing old 90s songs off-key, but watching Eren and Falco playing car games makes her smile and she finds herself searching for cars driving past with only one working headlight.

She finally spots one – a tiny white car with too many bumper stickers and strangely shaped headlights that are too round, only one of which is working – and before she can stop herself, she reaches up to touch the roof of the car and says, “Padiddle!”

Both Falco and Eren seemed surprised, but Eren smiles widely when he looks at the white car that Annie had spotted through her rearview mirror and says, “Ah, we’re going to lose if Annie’s playing, Falco. She’s a much better driver than I am, and she’s an expert and looking at all rearview and side-view mirrors.”

“Padiddle – Miss Annie: 1, Eren: 7, Me: 6,” Falco says, reciting the scores he’s kept tabs of off the top of his head. “She still has to catch up with us, so we could still win. Will you be playing the other games with us too, Miss Annie?”

“Um, sure,” Annie says, checking the mirror again but this time so she can switch lanes and drive around a particularly slow driver. (Really, if you’re going to drive that slowly, why bother even getting on the highway?) “And you know you can call me Annie, Falco.”

“Okay,” Falco says. He fumbles with his hands in his lap for a second, looking up shyly at her. “Annie.”

“Punch buggy!” Eren yells suddenly, giving Falco a good punch on the arm. It’s probably not the hardest he can punch since he might give the poor boy a bruise, but it’s enough for Falco to cry out in surprise, rubbing the spot sorely while Eren grins. “How many points is that for me now, Falco?”

In the end, Annie wins both the geography and word game, Falco wins padiddle, and Eren wins punch buggy (although Annie is pretty sure he cheated because it’s not like that many people drive Volkswagen Beetles anymore).

“Okay, I need to edit a few manuscripts by the end of this weekend, so don’t bother me unless it’s to eat lunch,” Annie yawns as she unlocks the apartment to let them in. She doesn’t mind her work, but it does get tedious after a while. At least publishing houses are pretty much over the vampire romance craze, although she does still get a fair number of weird supernatural romance books to look over.

“Will you be in your room all day, Annie?” Falco asks. There’s a little frown on his face that he tries to hide, but she can tell he’s disappointed. She thought he wouldn’t mind it and that she wouldn’t care, but she hates looking at his ocean blue eyes, sad that she won’t be joining them.

“I suppose if I finish early I’ll come out and play with you guys,” Annie says, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. She never thought she’d actually consider spending time with a child willingly, but here she is. “I’ll try my best, okay?”

His face lights up in an excited smile. “Alright! Don’t work too hard, okay? My parents say it’s best to take breaks in between so you don’t wear yourself out.” He turns to Eren, tugging him along to where the TV is so that they can watch cartoons or play video games. “Come on, Eren!”

“Coming,” Eren says, but he gives Annie a smirk before he lets himself get dragged away.

If Falco weren’t here, she’d tell him to shut up, but now she only rolls her eyes before disappearing into her room. As she sits there in her room highlighting and crossing words out, she wonders why this work seems so unappealing compared to the muffled laughter she can hear on the other side of the wall.

Before noon, she had asked them if they wanted to order take out. She wasn’t in the mood for cooking nor could she take time off her work to make a meal for them anyhow. Eren, however, assured her that he would be fine making lunch for all of them. It would give Falco life experience too (although Annie thinks Falco is a bit too young for that). She didn’t really trust Eren with the stove or any kitchen appliance aside from the microwave (and sometimes not even that), but she figured that having Falco around would make him less likely to burn down the kitchen.

It was well past noon when she realized that Eren had not called for her, so either they hadn’t started making lunch or they had forgotten her completely. From the giggles she hears from the kitchen, she suspects it must be the latter, but when she enters the room and finds them laughing and sticking cooked spaghetti noodles to the ceiling, she thinks she probably should have thought up a third option.

She waits in the doorway waiting for them to notice her, but they never do. Pushing herself off the doorframe, she clears her throat as she walks towards them, eyebrow raised. “What are you two doing?” Annie looks around at the kitchen, chin raised to stare at the noodles that are creating unknown shapes on the ceiling. “Is this lunch?”

“Er…yes?” Eren says with a guilty smile on his face. “I was showing Falco how to cook the noodles. On a completely unrelated note, did you know that you can’t put oil in water when you’re cooking spaghetti?”

Annie narrows her eyes. “That’s where the expression ‘oil and water don’t mix’ come from, Eren. Did you try to put oil in the spaghetti water?”

“Maybe,” Eren says, not looking her in the eye as he rubs the back of his neck. “It’s fine though! I emptied out the pot and just cooked it in normal water. Ask Falco.”

Falco nods enthusiastically. “Yeah, and Eren said that you can see if the spaghetti is ready by sticking it to the ceiling. These ones are all ready,” Falco tells her, pointing happily at the noodles that hang above them. They must have stuck half the noodles up there already. “I don’t know how we’re going to get them down though.”

“It’s sticking noodles to the fridge, Eren,” Annie sighs, but she must admit that there’s something amusing about this whole thing. She glances at the half-empty pot of noodles sitting on the counter and shakes her head. She’d cook more, but she knows that the rest of them will end up on the ceiling as well. She walks over to Falco and ruffles his hair. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll just call or take out and you and Eren can do whatever you want with these noodles as long as Eren cleans up afterward. What do you want? Chinese, Italian, Indian? I have some menus if you want to look at them.”

“Oh, um,” Falco says. He follows Annie as she leads him back to the living room, handing him some menus to flip through. When she sits down, he takes the seat next to her, sitting so close that his fine blond hair tickles her arm as he leans into her, pointing at certain foods and asking her opinion of them. The noodles she told him he could play with are completely forgotten.

In the kitchen, Eren has fetched the little stepping stool and is using it to reach the noodles stuck to the ceiling. He looks over at Annie, admiring the sight of Falco sitting cozily beside her. When he sees Annie take a quick look at him, he smiles and mouths, “Cute.”

Quickly, she looks away and returns to attention to Falco, telling him which shops are the closest and have the best delivery. Looking after Falco is pleasant, she thinks, although she doesn’t know if she could ever get used to it.

After lunch and a quick board game (Apples to Apples, which Falco says is his favorite), Annie retreats into her room, trying not to look at Falco’s disappointed look when she disappears. She doesn’t dislike him, she just has work to do. At least he’s an understanding child who whines when she leaves (although she can’t imagine a child ever becoming so attached to her that they would miss her when she has to go). She’s back to reading more manuscripts – a time-traveling fantasy, a murder mystery, a fictional biography – when she hears a knock on the door. It’s gentle and hesitant, nothing like Eren who usually just barges in because he’s so excited that he forgets that she’s working.

She puts the draft down and takes off her glasses, rubbing her eyes a bit because reading has strained them, and she always forgets to take breaks unless Eren is there to bother her. Turning to the door, she asks, “Falco? Is that you? Do you want to come in?”

The door creaks open slowly and Falco’s head pops in. He quietly tiptoes in, a box of donuts in his hands. “Hello, Miss Annie,” he says, forgetting that she’s allowed him to just call her by name without using an honorific in front. “Would you like a donut? Eren and I went to go get some while you were working. He said they’re your favorite and that you could use a break.”

“Annie, Annie,” Eren says, barreling through her door and smothering her in a hug. “I let Falco choose all of them, but I let him know which ones you like the best.”

“This one,” Falco says, pointing at one with a gorgeous chocolate glaze on it. He points at another one that’s dusted with powdery sugar, probably filled with chocolate or some sort of cream. “This one is my favorite, the jelly-filled one. I bought two so you could have one too because they’re especially good.”

“How very thoughtful of you, Falco,” Annie says. She takes a napkin and plucks the napkin out of the box. She smiles at him. “I’m sure it’s delicious.”

“He didn’t get one for me,” Eren pouts, plopping over onto the beanbag Annie has in the corner. He waves a hand to call Falco over. “Give me a chocolate one, Falco.”

“Ah, okay!” Falco says, trotting over to Eren and giving him the donut he asked for.

“If you get any crumbs on that beanbag, I won’t hesitate to murder you, Eren,” Annie tells him. She takes a bite, licking some of the sweet strawberry jelly from the inside, relishing in how the sweetness goes perfectly with the soft doughy.

“She’s kidding,” Eren says, winking at Falco.

“Hm,” Falco says. He doesn’t look like he believes Eren entirely, but he takes a place next to Annie, putting the box of donuts down on the side of her desk that isn’t littered with manuscripts. He takes a jelly donut for himself and takes a bite of it, a delighted grin on his face after tasting its sweet goodness. He looks at Annie and asks, “Do you like it?”

“I love it,” she replies, licking her thumb to get the rest of the powdered sugar off it. “You have good taste, Falco.”

“Thanks!” Falco beams.

She wonders if she’ll look after Falco again. She doesn’t think she’d mind it.

They eat Chinese food for dinner, takeout again because Annie doesn’t think she can stand seeing more noodles thrown at the ceiling, and play a game of Monopoly because Falco asked to even though Eren warns him against it. (“Annie’s a monster at Monopoly,” he whispers to Falco when he thinks Annie isn’t listening. “She’ll take the railroads, then Boardwalk, then Park Place, and she won’t even bat an eyelash once you start losing! She won’t even care!”) As expected, they both lose to her although Falco holds off surprisingly well considering it’s his first time playing against her.

“You’re just too good, Miss Annie,” Falco sighs, falling back and collapsing on the floor. He lifts his head and looks at her curiously. “Say, are you this good at video games?”

Off to the side, Eren shakes his head and makes a huge X with his arms, warning Falco not to even think about it. “She’s even better at video games, Falco. We’ve already lost this badly. We should just retreat now.” To Annie, he says, “Don’t you have some work to do? We’ve distracted you long enough, haven’t we?”

She ignores Eren and smiles at Falco. “Falco, do you want to play Mario Kart?”

Falco grins. “Yes!”

Behind him, Eren groans.

—

She wakes up that morning later than usual. Bleary-eyed, she sits up and looks over at the clock on the bedside counter, the screen blinking 10:30. She frowns when she realizes that Eren isn’t in bed with her, but it’s possible that he and Falco decided to sleep on the couches in the living room. Or, she thinks as she stumbles out of her bedroom to find them both sprawled on the floor and the TV playing the Mario Kart menu song in the background, he could have just fallen asleep playing video games.

Annie yawns, walking over to Eren and kneeling next to where he’s sprawled on the couch to poke him in the forehead. Falco’s on the other end, curled up in the corner with all the pillows. She had left them at ten after winning multiple games of Mario Kart, telling them to go to bed after a few more games. She never should have believed Eren would keep his word.

“Huh?” Eren mumbles, swatting at her hand. He blinks at her sleepily, smiling when he sees that it’s her. “Annie.”

“Eren,” she replies, poking him once more and ignoring his groans for her to stop. “What did I tell you yesterday?”

“Uh…” Eren sits up slowly, rubbing at his face. “Not to play video games all night.”

“What did you do?”

“We played video games all night,” Eren says, a sheepish grin on his face.

She pinches his cheek. “Wake up Falco and clean this up. We need to eat breakfast. Zeke’s going to be here soon to pick him up.”

“Alright, alright,” Eren yawns. He pokes Falco on the side. “Hey, kid, get up. We need to clean this all up and Annie’s going to make us breakfast.”

“Oh,” Falco says. His mouth stretches in a wide O as he yawns, his hand covering his mouth. He sits up, rubbing his eyes and giving Annie a sleepy smile. “What’s for breakfast, Miss Annie?”

“Hey, you’re supposed to helping me clean up!” Eren says as Falco leaves him with the tangle of wires and remotes.

“You can clean it up yourself,” Annie tells him. When Falco meets her in the kitchen, she hands him a bowl and reaches up to get the flour and sugar in the cabinet. “You want to make pancakes with me, Falco?”

“Yes!” Falco says happily.

“Aw, Falco, do you like Annie better than me now?” Eren says as he wraps up the controllers and puts them away in the cabinet under the TV.

“I just think Miss Annie is really nice,” Falco says, looking at her shyly.

Eren looks over at Annie with an accusatory glare like she had meant to steal Falco from him all along. The fact that Falco like her at all is a surprise to her and while she thought having a tiny human attached to her would be annoying, she does find Falco a sweet child and pleasant company.

She simply smirks at Eren before handing a mixing spoon to Falco and telling him how to sift the flour and sugar together. It’s nice being a child’s favorite, she thinks.

“So,” Eren says after his brother has come to pick Falco up and return him home. “What did you think?”

She can feel how tightly Falco had squeezed her as he was saying goodbye, making her promise that she’d play with him again the next time they saw each other. She doesn’t usually think children are cute, but she can’t help but think that word suits Falco exactly. She thought that looking after a child would be more tiresome, but Falco was surprisingly easy to take care of.

“He’s not that bad,” Annie replies, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “I guess kids aren’t as bad as I thought.”

“Really?” Eren says, raising an eyebrow. He leans towards her, a mischievous smile on his face. “Does this mean you wouldn’t mind having kids? I think they’d be cute, especially if they looked like you.”

“What are you saying? I didn’t say anything…,” she mumbles, her face growing red. She reaches for his shirt, but he’s slipped out of her reach, dancing towards their bedroom.

“I’ve already thought of names. I wrote them all in a notebook, too,” he tells her as he disappears into the room. He pokes his head out, a notebook with the cover folded backward in his hand, and reads the list. “Chauncey, Gertrude, Ronald…” Each name is worst than the last.

“You’re not naming them,” Annie says, stomping after him and ready to grab the notebook from his hands. “You’re not naming them, Eren.”

He lifts the notebook so that she can’t reach for it and smiles at her when she glares. “So you want kids?” he asks her.

“Well,” she says, embarrassed. She fiddles with her bangs, brushing them out of her face. “I wouldn’t mind. Just as long as they don’t look too much like you.”

Eren laughs, letting his arm drop and allowing her to grab the notebook from him. It’s empty though – the names he had recited were all ones he had made up – and before she can say anything, he plants a hard kiss on her lips. He pulls away, a playful grin on his face. “Then let’s make a lot, yeah?”

[ohstardust]

Still Wish You'd Speak Your Mind

A/N: I just want to write a short drabble before bed, she said. Only something short to keep the account active, she said. 1848 words later I’ve finished it and I’m so bloody shattered. My bad. Go big, or go home. Clearly. This is A N G S T with the slightest fluff in there if you squint extra hard. I had to get some real angst out there. I’m not 100% happy with the ending but I’m just going with it anyway. Also not a reader fic, I’ve written an OFC. Title: We Need A Word by We Are Scientists  (Strongly recommend listening to this whilst reading) My Jack playlist can be found on Spotify (x)

“What are you doing here?” All it took was the rhythm of his footsteps and his presence, at this stupid party, to know it was him. She hadn’t dared to glance back him. Her eyes focused on the setting sun of the late summer’s evening, the horizon a bold fusion of multiple pink and purple hues. It would have been beautiful if she wasn’t tired, pissed off and frustrated.

Amber placed the cigarette between her lips and inhaled, her eyes unfocused before softly closing and she exhaled. Jack’s throat cleared and she could hear him nervously licking his lips, mouth dry and nervous, sounds she was all too familiar with, “Tom invited me, I’ve just finished filming.” His voice stuttered out small and it made her heart clench slightly until she quickly reminded her heart that he was to blame, he was the one who ruined everything. “Right, it’s probably me who shouldn’t be here,” she flicked the ash onto the ground below her and settled firmly against the railing on the building’s communal roof terrace. “I didn’t say that.” “You thought it though, didn’t you? Thought how I shouldn’t be encroaching into your personal life anymore than I already have done, thought that I should have cut ties with all of our friends because you knew them first?” She began chewing on her thumb, a horrible habit she couldn’t shake when nervous, just another bad habit in her ever-growing list. Like smoking, a habit she’d picked up from Jack many moons ago. “You know I’d never expect, or even think, of that.” “I’m not sure what I know anymore, everything I thought I understood, and believed, turned out to be utter shit, didn’t it?” “I never lied to you.” His hands scrubbed over his face, missing his beard that he’d shaved off yesterday and feeling bare without it. “The whole thing was a lie Jack, it had to be. You couldn’t just do that to someone you loved.” “Don’t make it past tense.” Amber’s voice raised in annoyance, sure that there must be some hidden agenda or he was just playing with her for fun, because this was beyond cruel, “Don’t you dare, you didn’t mean it then and you don’t mean it now.” “Will you at least look at me?” She wasn’t sure whether she was too furious to face him, or if she knew herself too well, knew that her resolve would break and she’d crumble. He’d always had that effect on her. Amber had known him for eight years and she caved every time he asked her to do something, or say something, or to even look at him. Her problem had always been being unable to say no to him. Blinking out into the diminishing skyline she took another drag, she squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, her teeth working furiously over the skin around her thumb and she was so sure she was going to throw up. She didn’t want this, not today, not after a few glasses of wine, not when she’d spent all evening chain smoking his favourite cigarettes. Her heart was pounding in her ears, so loud that she jumped at the contact of Jack’s skin touching hers, his footsteps unheard. Amber’s first thought was to snatch her hand away from him, perhaps slap him and bruise his face like endless nights of crying and heartbreak had bruised her everything. Leave him with marks that matched the purple beneath her eyes that came from lack of sleep some months ago. It was the least he deserved. Instead she left it there for a few moments, curled with his and she gripped tight, those feelings flooding back to her of happiness, of her world that was once so consumed by him. Jack nudged her with his shoulder, unsure, and she briefly turned to meet his gaze. Amber’s first observation was how utterly tired he looked, she knew what long filming schedules looked like on him, the toll it took, but this seemed different, he seemed wrecked. And she despised how much she wanted to wrap him up her arms and hold him, let him rest on her for a while, because in this light, on this night, he looked like the Jack she first knew, the one she fell in love with. He looked so young and definitely not all of his twenty-seven years. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, if she hadn’t been paying such close attention, she’d have missed his words. “What are you apologising for?” “Us - everything. I’m sorry for being selfish and thinking I was making the right decision.” “And wasn’t it?” “We both know it wasn’t.” “I really don’t know that, it was your call to make. I didn’t ask you to choose, you gave yourself an ultimatum and you chose the outcome. I was the innocent bystander who got her world thrown upside down in the process.” “I know that, I really do.” “What hurts me the most is that you clearly didn’t trust that I’d stand by you. You thought I’d run at the first sign of trouble, you stupidly thought that I - what? Didn’t love you enough? Was me thinking that I was going to marry you not enough commitment and faith? Because that’s what I thought, I was so fucking naive Jack, I thought one day we’d be a family, we’d expand and we’d be happy.” Amber’s voice choked on the end of her sentence, her eyes were watering yet she refused to acknowledge the few tears that had slipped. She wanted him to know how much he’d hurt her, because apparently he didn’t realise how much she’d valued their relationship, and him. He raised his hand to her face, thumb jutting out to wipe away her tears, but she turned her head away from him. She wasn’t ready for that. “My parents have been asking about you,” she bitterly laughed, “think we’re still friends, didn’t have the heart to tell them otherwise. I couldn’t bring myself to tell them that you didn’t choose me, that I wasn’t good enough.” His heart shattered as he heard the sobs she was trying so hard to suppress, “You were always good enough, too good. I was failing and I couldn’t give you what you deserved.” “Yet you thought I deserved all of this? C’mon Jack, that’s the oldest line in the book.” “I’m so fucking sorry,” he didn’t care that he was crying on his friends roof, or that he was breaking down in front of his ex-girlfriend, he couldn’t cope with what he’d done, how he’d absolutely ruined her. “You didn’t deserve any of this.” “Then why did you do it? I keep asking myself the same question and every time it’s my fault because I can’t imagine why else you’d have thrown four years away. Was I just good enough to keep the bed warm for the beginning of your career, until you’d advanced enough to get an upgrade?” Jack shook with his hurt, his tongue licking away his tears and he grabbed hold of her hands to make her face him, he had to tell her, “That night, the one before It all ended, the dinner and candles and everything, I was going to propose to you -“ a strangled sob escaped her throat, and if Jack hasn’t been holding her, she’d have buckled. “I was going to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me.” “I don’t understand, you just - you don’t - you don’t go from being ready to settle down with someone to ending the relationship twenty four hours later. Why didn’t you do it?” He’d spent countless nights going over this conversation in his head, over time there were multiple outcomes, some he could foresee and others not, right now he had no idea where he was going with this, or how she’d respond. He just knew that she had the right to hear this. “I received a film offer that day, and you had been telling me how nice it was to have me home for a while, and how much you’d missed me. I was so close to turning it down for you, and I suddenly panicked, I realised that I’d turn down any role for you, I’d end my career if you asked me to, and that terrified me. I’d worked so hard to get where I was and it felt wrong to view my career so flippantly.” “That’s not fair, I’d never have asked you to do those things, all I did was support you!” Jack flinched as Amber banged her hand down on the railing in anger, or rather frustration, she wasn’t quite sure how she was feeling at this moment, but whatever it was, it was strong. “I know! But what if more offers came through? If I spent more time away from home? If I hardly saw you? You can’t say that you wouldn’t resent me for that.” “Be that as it may, I loved you and that would have been enough for me. Now I just resent you for choosing your career over me, for thinking that we couldn’t all co-exist together. You and acting are a package deal, that’s what I signed up to the moment I met you.” The Scot audibly swallowed and lowered his tone, ashamed, “I thought it was the right decision for both of us.” “You never should have made a decision on my behalf, you didn’t have the right to do that when it concerned my future too.” Jack was exhausted and he reluctantly rested his forehead on her shoulder. Against Amber’s better judgement, she raised her right arm to loop around his neck and pull him closer. She hated how he’d made her feel the past eight months, how wretched life without him had been, but her mind couldn’t stop playing out all their best times together, the laughter, the kisses, the sex, the love. Every positive thing their relationship had created in her mind. “I wish I could turn the clocks back and stop from making the stupidest decision of my life, but I can’t and I have to live with that.” “You do, and so do I,” her sigh was weak and void of any weight but she was tired of fighting, tired of hating him, or at least convincing herself that she did. Slowly she was beginning to understand why he did it, even if she didn’t agree, and it still infuriated her, “but maybe we can live through it together as friends.” “We’ll never be just friends again.” He briefly pressed his lips to her neck and dropped his head down again. “We can for now, I’m not saying you’re forgiven or that we can pick up where we left off, but we can be friends. If the future has different plans then so be it, but for now we can at least try to gain some semblance of normality because I really fucking miss you Lowden.” “I really fucking miss you too, Thorne.”