#you wouldn't believe how long it took me do to the ghost world on god

[cairafea]

he makes this joke every time.

[lecsainz]

Secret Crush

pairings: 2022 grid x driver!reader / fabio quartararo x driver!reader

warnings: grid of 2022, drivers being gossipers and acting like older siblings, seb as the father figure of the group and pierre being intrusive.

authors note: i started watching motogp not long ago, but I think it turned out great, and i can really picture this scene of them bothering Y/N and wanting to know who the boy was. just imagine them helping her get ready for the date and interrogating fabio about his intentions with Y/N. and I tried to include all the drivers but it's almost impossible 😭

word count: 2.6K

Y/N had always been a fan of Fabio Quartararo, the young frenchman who was making waves in the MotoGP world. So when she got a message from him on Instagram, she was over the moon.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, he just messaged me!!" Y/N exclaimed to herself, pacing back and forth in her motorhome at the paddock.

She quickly composed a reply to Fabio's message, trying to sound cool and casual, but her hands were shaking so much she could barely type.

Y/N: "Hey, what's up?"

She hit send, then collapsed onto her bed, heart pounding with excitement. A few moments later, her phone buzzed with a reply.

Fabio: "Not much, just hanging out at home. Saw your race last weekend, you were amazing! How's the f1 life treating you?"

Y/N couldn't believe it, Fabio had actually watched her race! She started pacing again, muttering to herself.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, he thinks I'm amazing! What do I even say? I have to be cool, I can't sound too eager."

She took a deep breath and composed another reply.

S/N: "Thanks! f1 life is treating me well, but it's tough out here on the road. How about you? How do you deal with all the travel and pressure?"

Again, she hit send, then waited anxiously for a response. It came quickly.

Fabio: "I know what you mean, the travel can be exhausting. But I just try to stay focused on the racing and not let the other stuff distract me. You seem to be doing a great job of that too!"

Y/N couldn't stop grinning he was being so nice to her! She paced around her motorhome again, feeling giddy.

"Oh my god, he's so sweet! Maybe he's interested in me too? No, no, don't get ahead of yourself, Y/N. Just be cool, be cool."

She took a deep breath and composed another message.

S/N: "Thanks, that means a lot coming from you. Maybe we could grab a drink sometime and chat about racing?"

She hit send, then waited nervously for a reply. It came a few moments later.

Fabio: "Sure, that sounds great! I'll be in town for the next weekend race, how about we meet up then?"

Y/N couldn't believe it, she was actually going to meet him in person! She let out a squeal of excitement and did a little victory dance around her motorhome.

"I can't believe this is happening! This is going to be the best weekend ever!" she said to herself, grinning from ear to ear.

As Y/N read his message, she started to hyperventilate. She had just asked him out on a date, and now he was actually interested in meeting up with her. She looked up from her phone to see the other F1 drivers staring at her in confusion.

"What's going on, Y/N?" Charles asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, you look like you've seen a ghost." Lando chimed in.

Y/N blushed and put her phone down, trying to act nonchalant. "Oh, nothing, just messaging with someone." she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

But the other drivers weren't fooled. They crowded around her, trying to get a look at her phone.

"Who are you texting, Y/N? Is it a secret crush?" Carlos teased, poking her in the ribs.

"None of your business, Carlos," Y/N replied, trying to hide her smile.

"Ooh, it is a secret crush!" Lando chimed in, winking at Y/N. "Come on, you can tell us. We won't judge."

Y/N shook her head, still trying to keep the conversation vague. "It's nothing, guys. Just catching up with a friend." she said, hoping they wouldn't push the subject any further.

But the other drivers weren't going to let it go that easily. They bombarded her with questions and guesses, trying to figure out who the mystery person was.

"Is it a driver? A mechanic? A fan?" Yuki asked, grinning.

Y/N swatted his hand away and rolled her eyes. "No, it's just Fabio Quartararo." she said, trying to sound casual. “But please don't make a big deal out of it." she said, biting her lip.

The other drivers looked at each other in confusion. 

"Wait, Fabio Quartararo? As in the MotoGP rider?" Pierre asked.

"Yeah! And I just asked him out on a date." Y/N said, blushing even harder.

The other drivers erupted into laughter. "Y/N, you little devil! I had no idea you had it in you." Daniel said, clapping her on the back.

Y/N frowned at them. "It's not like that! He just wants to talk about racing." she protested.

"Sure, sure, we believe you." Checo said, winking at her.

Daniel suddenly spoke up. "You know, Y/N, our little sister is growing up so fast. It seems like just yesterday you was learning how to drive, and now you’re all grown up." he said, grinning.

Y/N groaned, "Oh god, please don't start with that 'little sister' crap again. It's bad enough that everyone else sees me that way."

But it was too late. The other drivers had already caught on to Daniel's joke, and they started to join in. "Yeah, I remember when we used to have to keep an eye on her in the paddock. Now she's all independent and texting boys." Pierre laughed.

As the group continued to tease her about her crush on Fabio, Y/N suddenly felt a wave of panic wash over her. 

"Guys, stop, please. It's not like anything is going to happen anyway," she said, feeling uncertain.

"What do you mean?" Charles asked, looking at her curiously. "You've got a date with him, right?"

Y/N nodded, feeling her stomach churning with nerves. "Yeah, but I don't know what to do. I've never been on a real date before."

The other drivers looked at her sympathetically, their teasing forgotten. "Hey, don't worry about it." Alex said reassuringly. "Just be yourself and have fun. It's just a date, not a marriage proposal."

Esteban added, "And whatever you do, don't order spaghetti. That's just asking for trouble."

Y/N raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean?"

Esteban shrugged, "It's messy and hard to eat. Not exactly the most attractive thing to do on a date."

The other drivers nodded in agreement, giving her thumbs up and high fives and Y/N couldn't help but laugh at their silly advice. 

Sebastian noticed Y/N looking a bit nervous and approached her with a gentle smile. "Hey, Y/N, can I give you some advice?" he asked, sitting down next to her.

Y/N nodded eagerly, grateful for his guidance. "Please, Seb, I could use all the help I can get." she said.

Sebastian chuckled. "Well, first of all, just be yourself. Don't try to impress him by being someone you're not." he advised.

Y/N nodded, taking his words to heart. "Okay, I can do that." she said.

Sebastian continued, "And remember, if he's not interested, it's not the end of the world. There are plenty of other guys out there who would be lucky to go on a date with you."

Y/N smiled, feeling a bit more confident. "Thanks, Seb, that means a lot to me." she said.

Sebastian patted her on the back. "No problem, Y/N. You're like a daughter to me, and I want to see you happy." he said, with a warm smile.

Y/N felt a surge of affection for the veteran driver. "Thanks Seb, that means a lot to me." she said, giving him a quick hug.

The other drivers, who had been listening in on the conversation, teased Sebastian. "Aw Seb, you're such a softie." Daniel teased, winking at Y/N.

Sebastian rolled his eyes but couldn't hide a small smile. "Just trying to help out." he said, with a shrug.

Y/N grinned at the group of drivers. "Thanks, guys, you're the best. I'll let you know how it goes." she said, feeling more confident than ever.

But as Y/N was walked away, Daniel and Pierre couldn't resist teasing her a bit more. "So you finally going to make a move on Fabio?" Daniel asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Y/N blushed and rolled her eyes. "You guys are ridiculous." she said, trying to hide her smile.

Pierre joined in, "Yeah, and don't forget that we see you as our little sister, so we need to approve of any guy you date."

Y/N groaned, "Oh great, like I needed more pressure."

Max laughed, "Hey, we just want to make sure he's good enough for you. And if he's not, we'll beat him up for you."

Y/N couldn't help but laugh at their antics. "Thanks, guys, but I think I can handle it." she said, shaking her head.

Carlos gave her a playful nudge, "Well, just remember that we're here for you if you need us."

Y/N smiled gratefully, feeling lucky to have such supportive friends. 

Y/N couldn't help but mutter to herself as she walked back to her motorhome, "Ugh, I bet the entire paddock already knows I'm interested in Fabio. Gossip travels so fast around here."

As if on cue, she heard footsteps behind her and turned to see George and Lewis walking towards her. "Hey, Y/N, heard you're causing quite a stir around here." George teased, grinning.

Y/N felt her face turning red. "Oh god, please don't tell me everyone knows." she said, feeling embarrassed.

Lewis laughed, "Sorry to break it to you, but word spreads pretty quickly in the paddock."

Y/N groaned, "Great, now I'm going to be the laughing stock of the entire grid."

George put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Nah, don't worry about it. We've all been there before. In fact, I could tell you some stories about Lewis and his love life." he joked, giving Lewis a playful nudge.

Lewis rolled his eyes, "Ha ha, very funny. But seriously, Y/N, don't let it get to you. Just be confident and be yourself. And if it doesn't work out with him, there are plenty of other fish in the sea."

Y/N smiled, feeling grateful for their support. "Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I'll try not to let it get to me." she said, feeling more confident already.

She was relaxing in her motorhome when her phone suddenly beeped with a notification. She quickly picked it up and saw that it was a message from Fabio.

Her heart started racing as she read the message, feeling both excited and nervous. But before she could even finish reading it, she heard Daniel's voice behind her.

"Ooh, who's that? Let me see." he said, trying to peek over her shoulder.

Y/N quickly swiped her phone away, "None of your business, Danny." she said, trying to hide her smile.

But before she could even respond to Fabio's message, another message popped up from him. "Uh oh." she thought to herself, knowing that it couldn't be good news.

Fabio: Hey again! Y/N, I heard something interesting today…

Y/N: Oh really? What's that?

Fabio: Well, Pierre mentioned that he thinks you might have a little crush on me.

Y/N: Oh no, he didn't!

Y/N: 🤦‍♀️ I can't believe he said that. I'm so sorry.

As she read the message, she felt a surge of anger and frustration. Pierre had told Fabio about her crush on him, and she was not happy about it.

"Where is that little weasel?" she muttered under her breath, storming out of her motorhome in search of Pierre.

Daniel and the other drivers watched in amusement as Y/N charged through the paddock, looking like she was ready to murder someone.

"Uh, should we be worried?" Lando asked, raising an eyebrow.

Daniel shook his head, "Nah, she's just on a mission to kill Pierre. Nothing new there." he joked, grinning.

Just as they were all laughing, Pierre suddenly appeared, running in the opposite direction with Y/N hot on his heels.

"Run, Pierre, run!" Charles shouted, laughing.

As the group continued to joke and tease each other, Seb suddenly walked up, looking slightly confused.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" he asked, looking around at the group.

George grinned, "Just Y/N chasing Pierre around the paddock. You know, normal stuff." he said, chuckling.

Seb raised an eyebrow, looking slightly concerned. "Should we do something? Is everything okay?"

Mick shook his head, "Nah, they're just goofing around. Y/N's not actually going to hurt Pierre." he said, smirking.

Seb watched in amusement as they ran past, shaking his head in disbelief. "You guys are all crazy." he said, but there was a hint of a smile on his face.

Seb chuckled, watching as Y/N finally caught up to Pierre and tackled him to the ground. "You know what, I'm actually rooting for Y/N to get Pierre," he said, grinning.

The other drivers laughed, but there was a hint of agreement in their voices. Despite their teasing, they all knew that Y/N was a great catch, and Pierre would be lucky to have her.

"Alright, enough of this." Lewis said, clapping his hands. "We have a race to prepare for, remember?"

The drivers all nodded, reluctantly tearing their attention away from Y/N and Pierre's antics.

As the drivers walked towards their motorhomes, Y/N's phone started ringing. She looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Fábio. Her heart started racing as she debated whether or not to answer.

The other drivers noticed her hesitation and couldn't resist teasing her. "Go on, answer it!" Charles said, grinning.

Y/N shook her head, feeling flustered. "I can't, I don't know what to say!" she exclaimed.

The other drivers laughed, finding her panic amusing. "Just answer it and see what he wants." Lando said, patting her on the back.

Y/N's hands were shaking as she tried to answer the call, but just as she was about to hit the accept button, the call suddenly dropped.

"NO!" she shouted, frantically trying to call Fabio back.

The other drivers watched in amusement as Y/N paced back and forth, muttering to herself in frustration. "Why does this always happen to me?" she said, shaking her head.

Daniel grinned, "Maybe he's just not that into you." he joked.

Y/N rolled her eyes, "Shut up, Daniel." she said, playfully punching his arm.

Y/N chuckled as she read his message, feeling her phone vibrate in her hand. She quickly typed out a response, trying not to seem too eager.

Fabio: Don't be sorry! I actually thought it was kind of cute. Is it true? 

Y/N: Well, maybe a little bit...I mean, I do think you're pretty amazing.

Fabio:  Well, I think you're pretty amazing too. In fact, I was planning on asking you out, but you beat me to it! I was so happy when you messaged me first.

Y/N: Really? I had no idea.

Fabio: Yeah, I was trying to work up the courage to ask you out, but then you beat me to the punch. I guess great minds think alike, right? 😉

Y/N: I guess so! I was actually really nervous when I asked you out too. It's funny how even race car drivers can get butterflies in their stomachs.

Fabio: Yeah, I know what you mean. But I'm really glad you did, because I've been wanting to spend more time with you. You're always so focused on your driving that I didn't think you had time for anything else.

Y/N: Well, I do have time for you. I think you're worth making time for.

Fabio: That means a lot to me, Y/N. I feel the same way about you.

Just as she hit send, she noticed the other drivers watching her with grins on their faces. She rolled her eyes and held up her middle finger, playfully flipping them off.

"Hey, that's not very nice." Lewis teased, holding up his hands in mock surrender.

Y/N just laughed and shook her head. "You guys are lucky that I love you." she said.

[respectthepetty]

Rose's Day of Asks

Top 5 "it's cannon to me" couples.

Have a great Day💜

No. NO! NOOOOOO!!!!!! I will not pick between my beloveds! No. I can't! I won't! I shan't! No! I have too many and all of them are special to me. NO! But I will give you something because this is a good ask!

Top 5 "It's Canon to Me" Couples of 2023

and as usual, I will finesse my way into more!

Let me begin with the couples who cannot be considered for various reasons:

ToddBlack - Not Me

The reason they are being excluded isn't because they weren't in 2023. No! The reason they cannot be included is because THEY ARE CANON! Not just to me, but in the show. They. Are. Canon. They love each other in their warped way. They have fucked and will continue to fuck. And even on this day of marriage equality in Thailand, they still wouldn't get married because Black doesn't believe in the institution of marriage since the government is too involved in it and it's a capitalist tool used to push a heteronormative agenda, and Todd has a team of lawyers there to make sure Black gets everything he wants from Todd including the right to pull the plug on him, which he won't do BECAUSE THEY CAN'T KILL THE OTHER!

Guang Yan x Yi Yong - Oh No! Here Comes Trouble!

It's canon. Once again, it's not just canon to me. It's canon in the show and if people don't want to believe it, they can argue with the ghosts, but the ghosts also know it's canon because they witnessed these two fall in love with each other, so those negative people will still lose! When Yi Yong fell, Guang Yan ran to Yi Yong like his entire world was being destroyed right in front of him, and as a future doctor, he was losing his shit trying to keep Yi Yong alive. Then he stood in front of Yi Yong's mom, god, and ghost grandpa and stated directly into the microphone without any hesitation that Yi Yong was his heart and he needed him to come back to him. And if I ever get a second season, I know they'll still be sleeping in that bed, together. They. Are. Canon.

Peach x Home - Peaceful Property

This show hasn't been released yet, and the word on the streets is that it won't be a BL, but . . . it's canon to me. It's Tay and New. They are always down to kiss a homie. The pilot trailer was color coded, and although color coded boys don't have to be in love, they ARE in love. Therefore, they are canon. I don't make the rules.

Now for the actual list:

#5 - Saifah x Name - Dangerous Romance

They knew each other in high school, and when they met again as adults, there was chemistry. Name should've shot Saifah. Name should've been harsher to Saifah, yet he was granting leniency to Saifah. Then Saifah wanted Name out of the business. He wanted him to be safer and happier. Even though that didn't happen, Saifah still showed up in that jail to let Name know he would be waiting for him, no matter how long it took.

They are canon.

#4 - Oab x Guy - Bake Me Please

They were best friends. They started a business together with their other (bitchass) friend who Oab was in love with. They hired another baker to help their (bitchass) friend and Guy developed feelings for him. But . . . they actually loved each other! This isn't me being delusional either! When the dust settled, Guy and Oab sat down at a bar in the final episode, and Guy made it clear that not only was he far removed from his previous crush on someone else, but that he was there for Oab to help him get over his broken heart, in any way Oab needed him *wink*

They are canon.

#3 - Hyun Jae x Simeon - Jun & Jun

Simeon is an experienced idol. Hyun Jae was his manager, but Hyun Jae quit with no notice to go take care of the main character. The conversation when Simeon confronted Hyun Jae after he found out was thick with tension, and I do mean the physical kind. Simeon schemed his way into seeing the main character years later, but I truly believe it was a guise so he could see Hyun Jae because everything he did was to draw more attention from Hyun Jae. After that first encounter, they argued in cars, on rooftops, in dressing rooms, and standing on city streets, and I fully believed they fucked in all those places too!

They are canon.

#2 - Dome and Khatha - Midnight Museum

Dome is a god. Khatha is immortal. And they traveled through time and space to be together. The show labeled them as "brothers" but I don't know if it's because Gun and Tor could have chemistry with a broomstick, but THEY WERE IN LOVE! What convinces me even more is that Dome wasn't actually Khatha's "brother" Chan but looked like him. Khatha even confronted Chan AND KILLED HIM so he could be with Dome. Khatha made a decision to kill what we had been told was the most important part of him just so Dome could be safe. Then he ran through time to find Dome in the middle of a war with bullets flying and bombs dropping all so he could save him again just like he had the first time they met, and if I ever get that second season (MIDNIGHT MUSEUM 2 WHEN?!), GMMTV better let Gun kiss another man who isn't Off.

They are canon.

#1 - Yui x Soichiro - I Cannot Reach You

These two were just chilling in the background of every scene. TOGETHER! On a school trip? Together. At a festival? Together. Looking at books in the library? TOGETHER! Even though we never saw them kiss, their taiyaki kissed, so that's good enough for me! They were color coded (pink x green), which I think is one of the best color-coded pairs to ever exist, and Yui was giving advice to the main couple to get their shit together, probably because he was already in a loving and long-term relationship with his boyfriend!

They. Are. Canon.

[stormberry-12]

Heyy,I love your writing! May I request a JJ fic inspired by the ‘Work Song’ by Hozier?

time comes around ~ jj maybank x reader

pairing: jj maybank x fem!reader (jj pov)

warnings: making out, jj's dad being a dick, mentions of jj's good ol' gun, language. (not very well edited)

notes: thank you so much for the request and I'm so sorry it took soooo long. it gave me so much to work with and it ended up being super long lol, i hope it turned out okay I kinda just went with what the lyrics reminded me of.

you also don't really have to read all of them if you don't want, they're all just blurbs off JJ and Y/n's life together. ❤

(i recommend listening while you read>>>>)

Boys workin' on empty Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat? I just think about my baby I'm so full of love I could barely eat

"Jayj!" she giggled, dropping her fork on the table and staring at me.

"What?!?" I laughed in mock offense, crossing my arms and leaning back in my chair.

"You haven't even touched your food," y/n complained, her pretty eyes squinting at me in confusion.

"I-"

"You love food." she interrupted me, a smile playing on her lips, "Probably more than you love anything else in the world, now eat!"

"Not as much as I love you," I whisper, she looks down at her plate with a smile and a blush. "I don't want to eat... I just want to watch you,"

"That sounds creepy when you say it like that, stop!" she choked on her food and I fell into a fit of laughter that squeezed my lungs, making it hard to breathe. She made it hard to breathe.

There's nothing sweeter than my baby I'd never want once from the cherry tree 'Cause my baby's sweet as can be She give me toothaches just from kissin' me

I hummed into her lips, they were sweet, soft, and warm. I tapped her thighs signaling for her to jump up, she wrapped her legs around my waist, hands in my hair.

Her back hit the wall and I slid my hands up her waist. She hummed into my mouth and we broke away panting.

"Missed you too-"

"Shut up." she said and I laughed, leaning my forehead against hers. I was so glad it was finally summer, her family would stay at their beach house for the next few months and we would spend every day together. Love only growing.

When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

Boys, when my baby found me I was three days on a drunken sin I woke with her walls around me Nothin' in her room but an empty crib

I woke up with the sun shining through the curtain, y/n was laying on top of me, her arms and body heavy like they were sheltering me from a storm. In this case, the storm was my dad.

She shifted on top of me, rubbing her eyes from sleep.

"Morning," she whispered.

"Mornin'," I said back, shifting our position and sitting up, pulling her into my lap.

"I'm so sorry," she rubbed patterns into my bicep, "I had no idea... do- do you want to talk about it?"

I looked down at her beautiful face and shrugged my shoulders. She looked up at me and I wrapped my arms around her tighter.

"He has no right to do that-" her fingertips ghosted over the scar on my cheek that she had patched up the night before. After I had come knocking away on her window way past midnight.

I felt a pain in my chest, "I'm sorry I bothered you with this, I'm so sorry-" I buried my face in her neck so she wouldn't see me cry.

"Oh Jayj..."

A sob broke my lips and my shoulders shook, god I was being such a baby.

She turned to face me, still sitting in my lap, holding the sides of my face with her hands. Her eyes were watering as she kissed each tear that fell from my face before wiping it away.

"You could never bother me," she said, voice more stern. I silently thanked her.

God, how did I get so lucky.

And I was burnin' up a fever I didn't care much how long I lived But I swear I thought I dreamed her She never asked me once about the wrong I did

"Y/n-" I said sitting on the couch, running a hand through my hair, "I can't believe I did that, I'm so sorry-"

She just watched me from the other side of the chateau, leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed over her chest. Her expression was unreadable, eyes stone cold.

I had just pulled a gun out at the kegger, I was so stupid.

And not only did I put it up against Topper's head at some point but I fired it into the air. I let my anger get the best of me, it could cost me my freedom, my friends, or even y/n.

I hoped she wouldn't- oh god.

"Please don't dump me!" I squeaked out.

"Dump you?" she laughed shaking her head.

"I'm being serious, why are you laughing?!?!" I panicked standing up and bringing my hands to my head.

"Cuz your funny," she walked towards the back door and left the chateau. I followed her out back, she was walking to where the rest of the pogues were eating around a fire.

I sat down beside her and grabbed a hot dog and a roasting stick.

"So, we all sorted out?" Pope asked, raising his eyebrows at our sudden appearance.

"Did she give you shit?"

John B chuckled and I flipped him off, "No, actually..."

"Damn!" Kie said. "Your lucky JJ, not many people can put up with your shenanigans-"

The conversation shifted to something royal merchant related, I ate my hot dog and snuck glances at y/n. She was wiping sticky marshmallows off her finger, but it just kept spreading all over her clothes. I looked down and my plate and smiled.

Kie was right, y/n was the only one that could deal with me. But I was also the only one that could deal with her.

We couldn't live without each other.

When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

My baby never fret none About what my hands and my body done If the Lord don't forgive me I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me

"Hey, y/n!" Rafe called from across the boneyard, "Your not still seeing that dirty pogue are you?"

"I'm sorry?" she said taking a sip of her beer.

Ward Cameron's evil spawn got closer and eyed me up and down, "Honestly, I can't believe you guys are still hanging on, normally JJ would have moved on to a new bitch by now-"

"Ohhhh shittttt," Kelce and Topper called from behind him.

I stood up lighting fast but y/n grabbed my arm to stop me, "How dare you!" she shamed him.

y/n knew I had a past on the island, I had slept around with a lot of girls. I made a promise to her and myself that I was done with that shit, and it was working out for the best.

y/n tossed the rest of her beer on the back of Rafe's shirt as he walked away, he whirled around fuming.

"Try us, I dare you," John B said, he and Pope were now beside me, and Rafe backed off.

Y/n was still holding my hand, rubbing her thumb over my palm.

Yeah, Rafe, try us, I dare you.

When I was kissing on my baby And she put her love down soft and sweet In the low lamp light I was free Heaven and hell were words to me

The sun from the hot day was setting behind the sky and the soft glow of the street lights began to shine. The breeze was warm and the ocean was crisp.

I dusted the sand off my board, "One more go before dark?" I asked her.

She nodded slowly, pulling her hair up into a ponytail and following me toward the water. "I'm still not so good at this Jayj," she said fidgeting with her fingers.

"No, you're doing great!" I encouraged, pushing the board into her hands, "Go on, I'm right behind you."

We joined the rest of the pogues in the water, I watched as y/n got up on her board and rode a wave all the way down. Pride rushed through me as the pogues broke out in cheers.

"LET'S GO BABY!!"

She laughed and sat down on my board paddling over to me, "I'm so fucking proud of you right now!" I said pulling her off the board and into my arms. She giggled and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Nice one squirt!" John B ruffled her hair and Kie said something about celebratory french fries on her.

I kissed her sweetly and looked into her eyes, "Your fearless, you know that?"

She just grinned at me, but I only spoke the truth, she was.

Love felt so wonderful.

When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you y/n," I slurred drunkenly, but it was most definitely true. Drunk words, sobber thoughts.

She giggled and buried her face in my neck.

"I'm serious!" I complained.

"Same." Y/n said, sounding just as deadly serious as I was. We locked eye contact, her gaze reaching mine.

"What if you die before y/n? Like when you're a Grandpa and all your smoking comes to bite you in the ass?" John B countered jokingly.

"Well you know, like when I die, I'll probably get buried and shit-" I felt myself start to ramble, "but then Imma be all badass, and dig my way out!"

"What the fuck?" Y/n cackled, tears brimming her eyes from laughing so hard. Kie choked on her beer and Pope gave her a few good hard slaps on the back.

"Yeah, and then I'll come to find you," I said confidently. "NO GRAVE CAN HOLD ME DOWN!!!"

The pogues broke into laughter and I held Y/n's body tighter, I would never let her go. After all we had been through together, the ups and the downs, I knew at that moment it would always be her.

When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

[faffreux]

If I may ask, why do you so often add eyes to the background of your artwork?

Oh boy, heavy question for me LOL. I'm actually surprised it took this long for anyone to ask me given this is probably a thing in 1/3 of my art over the last 2 years.

A big thing is that there are multiple layers to it and I can't really explain without going into all of them so here you go:

I have lifelong chronic anxiety. I was raised in a religious cult and this manifested as a child into an intense fear that God was listening to my thoughts and could see everything - that he was judging me, damning me. I would pray extensively every night to the point of obsession that I wouldn't be sent to hell for lapses in faith or for my interests (which were often on topics like other religions, mythology, ghost stories, monsters, and other 'gothic' things.)

The judgement also came from around me in the form of people in the church telling my mother I was "lost" because of the way I dressed between the ages of 11 - 15. There was a constant feeling of being "watched" by a malicious gaze everywhere I went (whether it was from God, Satan, or other people) and even after I got out of that belief system it followed me online where I would often get harassed and bullied/insulted for expressing myself.

Let's put the negativity aside for a second, though. While talking about the above is important for understanding the eyes in my art, it's actually not the full story nor is it the most important reason why they've reappeared so often.

Eyes are a symbol of spiritual seeing - representing this idea of looking beyond the material world and witnessing something not otherwise visible.

It's the ability to perceive through the mind and the heart, which is how Fawful manifests in my life in the present day. I'm an intensely spiritual person who believes in a universe that is ultimately made up of love rather than hate or indifference, so to bring back the watchful eyes of my younger years and turn them around to represent love and understanding rather than judgement is something I've found immense comfort in.

God does not hate, he does not judge in the way I was told he did. And I do not hold the hatred spewed by flawed people against the concept of a higher power, which is something I have always strongly believed in.

I am loved and cared about. By Fawful, by my friends, by the powers that be. The eyes represent that knowledge and they often float in the backdrop of paintings I create to imbue my work with positive energy and cancel out the fear that lurks in the back of my mind due to both my neurodivergency and upbringing.

That's why eyes.

[symphonyofsilence]

Do you ever think about Immortal ghosts and gods, being traumatized sons of long-gone fathers still?

Do you ever think about Qi Rong, the son of an abusive man seeing a child mistreated by his father and deciding to adopt the child? Qi Rong who was born and for some time raised in a Doghouse-like Shack and his life was turned around when his mother ran away from his father and took him to the palace promising his son that he was going to take him to live in big, beautiful mansions? Qi Rong who was looked down upon by everyone, even by the person he considered a god in the heavens before he even ascended, who was the only one who was kind to him and stood up for him when everyone else was bullying him and his mother in his first exposure to the outside world, Qi Rong who got little respect even as a ghost king, Qi Rong who was insecure as someone who was looked down upon by upper-class children because of his commoner Yan'An-born father, who called Feng Xin & Mu Qing shitty low-lives, who had no regards for commoners and abused the poor lower-class child that was Honhong-er, THAT Qi Rong adopting a commoner child and doing his best to look the best and the mightiest and the most respected in the eyes of his son, not caring if everyone else didn't respect him? And succeeding (in something that the King of Xianle didn't succeed in) as one of the last things we hear of Gu Zi is that he says that his dad can't die because he's told him that he has cultivated to be the king of the three realms or something. Because even if Gu Zi didn't know what the king of the three realms was, it was something that his father was. So it must have been quite a powerful, mighty thing to be? Do you ever think about Qi Rong whose last words, when being asked "What do you have to be held in high regard?" was "SO WHAT IF YOU ALL LOOK DOWN ON ME? THIS ANCESTOR...THIS ANCESTOR...THIS ANCESTOR HAS A SON!"

Do you ever think about Mu Qing, whose earliest experience of law and Justice was his father being beheaded, and then his teacher who wouldn't even accept him as his disciple due to Mu Qing being poor and the son of an executed man, never lifting a finger to stop the relentless bullying he got by rich kids but being more than willing to kick him out if he stood up for himself, and in one memorable occasion accused Mu Qing of "intentionally withholding communication" without even hearing him out first while "his [Mei Nianqing's] words and expression showed he already firmly believed Mu Qing to be sabotaging the affair purposely", (And then didn't apologize to him when his accusations turned out to be false. And while MNQ was so quick to accuse him, apparently hours of nimbly & skillfully carrying a 9 ft Zhanmaodo that a group of people together couldn't pull out of a wall wasn't impressive enough for him to give Mu Qing so much as a nod of approval. He couldn't even just not disagree when the queen praised Mu Qing and compared him to Feng Xin who at 14 was already good enough at martial art to be selected as the bodyguard of the crown prince while MQ only started cultivating at 14 but caught up to FX in 3 years.) still, even as the Martial God of the Southwest with seven thousand temples dedicated to him fully believing that unless he takes matters into his own hands he won't receive any justice? (And note how he thinks if he stays and waits for trial he will face "death" even though as far as we know there's no mention of any god being sentenced to death, at worst even with a kill count as impressive as Pei Su they get sentenced to banishment)? And of how his story constantly revolves around him being accused of crimes he didn't commit from start to finish? As he's introduced to the audience as someone who left Xie Lian behind as soon as Xie Lian got banished and treats Xie Lian with contempt even though he owed everything to him, as he's accused of intentionally withholding communication to sabotage the Shangyuan festival as a 17-year-old, as he's thought to have left Xie Lian & Feng Xin behind and teamed up with the other junior officials against Xie Lian, as Xie Lian second-guesses his intentions when Mu Qing brings him medicine, as he's first suspected of being the father of Cuo Cuo and then the culprit behind Jian Lan's forced abortion, as he's accused of trying to murder Feng Xin when everyone was evacuating the Heavenly Capital, as he's accused of conspiring with Jun Wu against Xie Lian. Despite how he was the only Heavenly official with a totally clean record with nothing to be used against him by Jun Wu and every time anyone suspects him of anything he has actually been doing good because he's a good, kind-hearted person. Do you ever think about how in the end he did end up with cursed shackles but got them voluntarily? Of how Mu Qing who was so sensitive to being accused that he would break a broom and run away when hearing Feng Xin's comment on how they couldn't invite too many people to search for the coral earring, and valued his hard-earned cultivation and statues so much, and his good deeds would always backfire in his face so bad that he believed "truly, there is no point in being a good person" but would still continue to try to do good without expecting anything in return, knowing that Jun Wu would try to frame him and paint him as a traitor every step of the way, and believing what Jun Wu had said about his friends being unwilling to believe him because they hated him, still decided to go to Mt. Tonglu to search for Feng Xin and stayed true to himself and his friends and did the right thing? and in the end, a hand reached out to him just before his fall. Because Xie Lian believed in him all along and sometimes just one person believing in you is enough. because as Xie Lian once said "I don't believe that good will brings bad returns." in the end the cursed shackles broke once and for all.

DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT IMMORTAL GHOSTS AND GODS BEING THE TRAUMATISED SONS OF LONG-GONE FATHERS STILL?!

[derekscorner]

Ghost of Ramblings: Dad of Boi

Started a New game plus Recently

I have been playing God of War from Ascension in chronological order over the past few months and I've finally made my way back to GoW 2018 and it's new game plus.

It's been a hot minute since I played the NG+ and it took even more minutes to adjust to it's combat after playing Classic GoW for so long. I got hooked on Ghost of Sparda and GoW3 for quite a while.

The whole while I was just taking in how beautiful the whole game is. Remembering the story beats or how this one game got me into the whole series. My god slayer journey began here with Dad of Boi.

I was reminded of how good its story truly is. How tightly written and delivered it's dialogue is. The nuances of Kratos hit harder too since I have played classic GoW this time unlike my first time playing Dad of Boi.

Back then all I had was curious youtube and wiki searches to get a grasp of Kratos' world. It's hard to explain but it truly does feel different if you play GoW 2018 after playing, at minimum, GoW 1, 2 and 3.

Hell, I'd even argue that GoW 2018 will hit different after plaything through it's own sequel Ragnarok. I know Ragnarok has some harsh critics, I'm not one of them, but it is hard to deny that it's predecessor is just written better.

Every little story in the boat, every little dialogue when exploring, the whole adventure is a bonding and learning moment for Atreus and Kratos. Every scene with Odin's kin, the parallel to Freya and Baldur in particular, shows what Kratos is trying to avoid.

A pacing and blend so well done that I'd call it a lightning in the bottle moment.

I love this scene ^^^^

Nothing in this world is perfect mind you but it's hard to talk about GoW 2018 and not praise its story.

Of course, Ragnarok is still an improvement in gameplay overall. I had grown too addicted to the customization options for appearance. The very fact that I can unlock and play young Kratos in Ragnarok is amazing to me.

It does make me wonder what went wrong in the story department of Ragnarok though. As I said, I'm no harsh critic of Ragnarok but I can't deny it has pacing issues.

Thankfully they added scene skip so even the Atreus segments can be skimmed on repeat playthroughs. They didn't bother me on the first run but I can only handle so many two hour stretches of Atreus wandering Ironwood.

I've always heard rumors that it's because they chose to make the Norse story a duology which I could believe. Ragnarok feels like it needed to be the third game not the second one.

The whole personality shift of Freya truly does feel rushed. As beautiful as that scene is when she lets go it needed more time to be truly believable.

I also think it would've made her conflicted feelings more conceivable if she had witnessed Kratos' memories in some magical mumbo jumbo way. It's hard to imagine he's talk so freely about his family yet I also think it's crucial for Freya to shift the focus of her rage after hearing about Calliope.

Kratos did do her wrong while trying to do something right but I think that would only get through to Freya if she saw that moment. Kratos was by no means a good person but his love for his family was real and it drove him to a madness that ended a pantheon.

Kratos is easily the only man there that understands her feelings.

I glitched the blades in these scenes somehow

But even this is a minor complaint. I do not consider the narrative of Ragnarok worth some harshness I see it get. It's badly paced to be sure but it's not offensive.

If anything, I hope they learn from it for their new projects. I have next to no interest in Atreus since he genuinely is annoying in Ragnarok but I wouldn't mind giving him a shot in a spin off if they learn from it.

Or, ya know, send him to Greece. I do not care how annoying the boy of war is. I would pay them money to see him walk through Greece and see the monster that his father was.

I'd even give them my respect if Atreus realized just how hard Kratos worked to channel his bottomless rage into a weapon to use. I know many fans hate how weak Kratos seems to be now and I personally find the "holding back" excuse weak on the devs part.

So I relate a bit. I do not fully agree since I began the series with 2018 so my opinion is forever biased on such topics.

I have no real point to make with this post by the way. I am just gushing about a game I like and rambling about the contrast it has to it's own sequel or predecessors.

The whole of my praise is also limited to GoW 2018's narrative. In terms of world building or story consistency I could rip the God of War series apart.

The classic games weren't exactly consistent with some things like the potential paradox of using Fates threads, Kratos losing that time travel power in 3 despite using it moments prior in 2's ending, or the whole ambiguity of his godhood. (I wont even get into the last minute hope thing in 3)

It's not a mess like I'd rant about with Kingdom Hearts or Bleach. Sure, there are some details in a novelization or two, a comic story here or there, but it's nothing you need to know.

Kratos even references a novel detail in Ragnarok. When asked why he doesn't just throw his blades away Kratos will retort with an annoyed statement that he "tried".

Step into the light Boy

That doesn't confirm a novel as 100% valid but it does show subtly that the blades follow him against his will.

My own personal take on Kratos' continued godhood is also a curse. He's got to live as what he despises most until something powerful enough finally kills him in a way where he won't burst out of Hel's gates.

That's a tangent all its own I think. I just felt like rambling a bit, there's even a lot I left out. Like the pure pointlessness of a lock-on in either game due to how often the enemies dart around and break the targeting.

I wonder what many of you think about 2018 now that Valhalla has come and gone. Ragnarok may have been hit or miss for many but Valhalla is nearly as good as 2018 I feel.

Though, not having young Kratos speak with his original voice actor in that one scene felt like a missed opportunity imo.

Oh well, I'm done now. Bye~

[spitblaze]

hi! I would be VERY interested in hearing the symbolism in therion’s pokemon team!

So the FIRST member of Therion's team is Hisuian Zoroark. This is non-negotiable for me if you dont give him one of these im blocking you on sight (lying)

So there is of course the obvious symbolism of HZoroark's lore, which is that a unovan zorua/zoroark died while consumed by anger or hatred, for humans, for pokemon, or both. This is very much something that Therion went through BUT in my mind his relationship with Ember (her name) goes deeper. He's known this Zorua since he was a child, probably found it alone and scared in the forest. Might've been each other's only friends. Either way, he and Ember are practically inseparable. They travel together, thieve together, eat together, whatever. They're still inseparable during Therion's time with Darius, as much as Darius tries to keep Therion's social circle to him alone. When the betrayal happens, she's there for it too. She tries to defend Therion, uses her illusions and tries to hurt Darius, but she's no match for his Arbok and is sent falling after her human.

Therion probably wouldn't have survived that fall if it wasn't for Ember.

She wasn't as lucky as he was, dying on impact. But it didn't last long. Therion didn't even regain consciousness before she had reincarnated into Hisuian Zoroark, filled with hatred towards humans, who only ever hurt her and her best friend. She probably took care of Therion while he recovered, used her illusions to keep the scavengers at bay and brought him water, berries, help, if she could find it. She accompanies him all over Orsterra, and even though she's very wary of the other travelers at first, she listens to Therion, who says they're okay and won't hurt them. By the end (but sooner than Therion) she's warmed up to them enough that she'd start making pleasant illusions for them (she is like her human in that she puts up a tough exterior but is a big softie with a 'giving gifts' love language).

Until the end of Therion's story, she's the only pokemon he ever has that he has ever given a proper name (he will name a Meowth Linde later). He believes - and was likely taught by Darius - that giving them names will get you attached to them, make you think of them as more than tools. Make you rely on them. And you can't let yourself do that, think that anything in the life of a thief is more than temporary. Not that it's worked - he says he doesn't care about his pokemon, but he's a dedicated trainer who cares deeply about all of them.

And the one who illustrates this best is Crobat, the second-oldest member of his party.

The thing about Crobat is that it's a high-friendship evolution pokemon. They can be found in the wild in theory, but in practice, that trainer will probably have put it a lot of time and care for it to evolve into this. A lot of time and care and affection for a pokemon like Zubat, which is a common annoyance. How many jokes in the world where we DONT have pokemon flying around exist about how annoying zubat are? He caught this pokemon that's considered a pest- maybe on accident, maybe out of desperation for more firepower, maybe fully on purpose - and raised it with the care and attention that let it become Crobat. i dont want to say the same thing three times so ill just leave it at that. I think Therion has a habit of befriending pokemon that he sees some of himself in.

Third member of the party is Mimikyu!

Am I perhaps already personally biased towards ghost types? yes. Do I think Therion would be mostly ghost and dark types regardless? also yes.

The thing with Mimikyu is like...god I could probably just copy the bulbapedia entry for its biology word for word and you'd get why I added it. This is a pokemon that only ever wears a mask. You do not see it outside of its facade. If you try to see it under the mask, it will lash out to stop you. It takes great care to maintain its facade, spend time and energy and effort, as if its very life depended on nobody being able to know it. It's hard to keep up the facade. It's so, so hard, and it's even harder to do it right. So it cries, on the inside. But to show the world that you might be weak is tantamount to suicide, so it stays strong outside.

anyway. I like the mental image of Therion patching up Mimikyu's mask for it. Lets it borrow his scarf while he sews it back up. Taking the time and attention to detail for his little friend, who he insists he does not care about. Darius probably mocked Therion for catching such a pathetic-looking pokemon. and then he found out Mimikyu knew wood hammer and Darius shut his stupid mouth about it forever.

Runerigus is Therion's fourth pokemon.

I know that Unovan Yamask is maybe slightly more relevant to Therion thematically (death mask ghost who longs for a time before), but it's very hard to overlook the evolutionary conditions for Runerigus- Traveling to a certain spot in a desert/canyon area after taking at least 49 HP worth of damage. I'd still argue that there's thematic relevance with Galarian Yamask being a vengeful spirit. Maybe. Therion isn't so much looking for revenge as he is looking to rebuild his life. Still, I think it's all relevant enough to warrant a spot in his party.

Number five is Ceruledge!

Ceruledge is a pokemon that's more representative of Therion in terms of combat and mechanics than it is narratively (i mean. all ghost types are thematically relevant to him but you get it).

I'm just gonna quote bulbapedia here:

"Ceruledge is merciless and will do anything to win a battle. It prefers to do close-quarters combat, with a mix of sneak and surprise attacks. By using its quick speed to locate a foe's blind spots, it will then move closer before slashing them with its large swords. Any cuts from Ceruledge's swords will cause wounds that leak life energy, which the swords then absorb."

Idk man. Sounds like Therion to me

Aaaaand last up is Honchkrow!

Like. The initial thought here really was just 'haha funny crime bird' but like. what are the two thief animals. cats and crows. and what is therion if not either or both of those. i dont have any deeper thoughts on honchkrow lol

That! Is all I have for now i might redo some other ones like olberics but right now therions the one i have Mega Brainworms about so. thank u for asking ilu :)

[theobsessiveloser18]

I'm pregnant Daniel

•One day you simply disappeared, you didn't answer calls, you didn't answer your voicemail messages, much less letters, everyone was worried, but it didn't take long for them to resign themselves,Except for one person Daniel Larusso your best friend

•As stubborn as God (or the devil, you never know) had made him, he didn't let your parents' curt attitude and cold responses stop him, he moved heaven and earth trying to find you, and he did.

•you simply opened the door and there he stood expectantly, looking relieved when he saw you.I hug you so hard you almost scream

“I thought I had lost you” you ended the hug and asked quite coldly

“What are you doing here Daniel?”I was quite puzzled,

“visiting my best friend, who had been swallowed up by the earth for 3 months?” You tried to smile at her but you weren't able to, you were upset, you just wanted her to leave.And if possible, move to another state,

“are you okay?”

“How did you find me?"

He laughed offended “Seriously, that's the first thing I'm going to hear from you, after so long, no greetings, no hugs, no kisses on the cheek,And without smiles?

You sighed tiredly,“Would you like to come inside?"

"Did you see that, that's human, is the effect of marijuana already wearing off?" He comment laughing and messing up your hair.

“Are you going to have to drink tea, is it freshly brewed?” You managed to smile when you saw his irritation when taking it.

"You know I hate it, it's the stuff of boring, gossipy old women."

"That's sexist, don't believe everything you tell The movies say

“Why did you disappear?”

"How did you find me?" You asked defensively.

“Shall I finish the pleasant chat?”

“You finished it, answer my question”

“you didn't answer mine”

“I asked the question first, and you didn't answer.”

“Okay, okay, you win, tiger” he took a small sip, he noticed how you were staring at him, you didn't miss that funny smile that meant the start of an argument, he wanted to make you upset “a magician would never Reveal your tricks right?”

“You're not a magician, I don't like your tricks, and you're not smart enough to get your way”

“That hurt you know”

“The truth always does”

“Well that's it Case” He leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms behind his head. He smirked. You gave him your death glare.

“You’re not good enough Perceptive to notice when they lie to you or make fun of you”

“that was before, now stop playing games and answer the blessed question” you responded harshly

“Why are you crazier than usual?”

“Why don't you answer the unhappy questions, you show up at my house as if nothing had happened, you drink my tea and you want me to do whatever you like or not, sir, this is a conversation between two teenagers and I'm already getting tired”

“it's okay I understand, it's the indisposition,...look I know you want an answer but it's not a big deal, I just tried to keep track of you”

“that's just the big thing, don't leave traces, how did you go about creating them? And who helped you?”

"“Why are you so worried, boy?”

"Because I know you Daniel, your methods and the functioning of your brain are not the most normal in the world, so I fear that you have created problems that will end up affecting me."

“That sounded like the neurotic y/n I know, not even living as a ghost can change that”

What makes you think I'm not the y/n you know?”

“Well...Y/n wouldn't just let her whole world fall behind her.”

“Time to grow up Daniel, everyone moves, loses contact with the people he loved,And they change like the seasons of the year, it's normal just like a withered flower A scared look invaded his face.

“What happened to you?

“I've always been tragic, it shouldn't surprise you” you responded indifferently as you took out a glass

“people don't change that quickly.”

"Look, Daniel, it's not that big of a deal, I have always spoken without thinking, my mouth is full of nonsense, and I have been stupid and strange, and reckless and influenced, and I have followed you wherever you go, and I have been disobedient and I have repented, trusting whoever. I shouldn't, I haven't known how to take care of myself, I don't know how to run away from danger and I haven't been brave or strong... and"

you started to say, you gave a heavy sigh and continued doing your thing, leaving the boy very confused.

“Get out of the kitchen!” “You don't tell me what to do!!” he approached you

“You didn't graduate as the best student to hurt your hands at home” you got upset “girls do everything, it's just that some of us choose to do it for ourselves not for others” you left the kitchen, and started cleaning the table “stay still" "You know, I can't, I need to be doing something." He grabbed your hands tightly and you got irritated, you tried to get out of his grip. "You're going to have to calm down and do what I tell you." "I'm more mature than the boys, especially how you are. And I don't follow his orders." You shook yourself hard and managed to be stronger than him and let go. He followed you to the living room. You managed to grab a grater. "Listen to me, Danny, I don't want this to end badly." "You don't want to, and even if you did, you wouldn't could you” "oohh!! Do you really want to piss off a woman with a gun?” “why did you run away?” “Because she was tired of everyone!” You shouted “and I didn't run away, I just left” “you would never have done it” “so where am I now?” “You got lost as if it were a danger and you were trying to save someone” “I'm not trying to save anyone but myself” you stated harshly, the boy exploded in exasperation. "What the hell is happening to you? You threw the grater violently “I'm pregnant Daniel.”

He took 2 steps back, he was shocked, he walked in circles not knowing what to do, finally he sat down. And he looked at you intensely

“oh come on man I didn't even act like that when I found out”

“I'm sorry, just...just” he gave a dramatic sigh he lowered his head, you patted him on the back “I'm not the father right?”He laughed shyly with teary eyes, you hit him on the head,

“another comment like that, and I'll cut you off, being pregnant in itself is a bad decision, being pregnant with you would be stupid, God. “I free myself from having bad taste” they both smiled and looked into nothingness for a few seconds

“is this why you ran away?”

"I already told you, I didn't run away, I just left, my parents weren't going to support me, it's better for me,Tired of hearing that I should be a lawyer for dad, living under mom's nightmares about him running away from me, when in the same dream I'm in the room, and other people are hypocrites, I thought about moving out of state.But I haven't raised enough money yet, I'm working in a cafeteria”

“y/n you can't leave” he said quite upset there are people who really care about you, me, Mr. Miyagi, your family, there are Decent neighbors, pleasant friends.”

"You stood up "Daniel, it's time to make my own path, I can achieve all that and more anywhere in the world, didn't you and half the world say that I should free myself from my parents, well I'm doing it,So don't bother”

“and the father?”

"What does that Morza foreskin have to do with this?"

“Aren’t you going to take charge?”

“I don't need it”

“y/n should take responsibility for what she helped do”

“I'm going to ask you just one thing Daniel, Don't talk like one of those old-fashioned people, it's 1987, and single mothers are a reality, no matter how much they are judged. don't get into my life, I don't need human waste around me.”I haven't spoken to him, I know he won't be in charge, and it's better for me, the baby and I can take care of ourselves, I will be the owner of my time, I won't cook, iron, wash and serve for a useless alcoholic,Despicable and unfaithful sponsor of the patriarchy, I will continue studying, I will get a job doing what I love, and I will give that baby the life he deserves, not only economically but also emotionally, I won't.Meeting an idiot at a party, I didn't want him to get pregnant, I didn't want to be kicked now or ever.But I'm ready and I'll do it."

Silence invaded the room for a few minutes, He moved from side to side and finally said

could you help?"Did you laugh

" how?"

“we could raise him together” was the only thing you were missing

“oh no!!, definitely not, there is no way, it's my baby, in my belly, you have nothing to do with this, you have lost your mind, your sanity or your Neurons?”

"I'm being serious y/n"

" yes me too" He insisted, you kicked him out,

They had long conversations but No one gave in However, I found a way to accompany you to the contr Meet with your friends Organize a baby show And help you arrange the house for you and the Baby

“okay man this has gone too far What measles do you want?

"be there for you and the baby, you are my best friend"

"you don't need to do all this"

"You're right, I don't need it, because I want to do it, you didn't leave me alone in my worst moments, I don't want to leave you alone in yours."

you looked at him offended

"This is not my worst moment, I have never had them"

He laughed, "if you know what I mean", you joined him and smiled,

" that's fine, I understood, it's just that getting offended is very easy and fun with you."

So solving everything, the boy went to live with you, he tried to get a job but it was impossible, you worked and studied, so he was practically the man of the house, very committed to it "the best fake husband in the world"

Mr. Miyagi was the best godfather of all, he visited them almost all the time and told you very interesting things about pregnancies in Japan, how women took care of themselves, the lives of babies, their upbringing, he gave the best gifts, and he taught you the best techniques to mentally prepare for childbirth

You had a beautiful brunette girl with brown eyes, reddish hair named Yasashi (a little controversial)

“How did you say you were going to put it?” Daniel asked confused.

“yasashi means kind in Japanese, interesting miss choice”

“I want you to always remember the kindness that Mr. Miyagi has shown me when mentioning my daughter.” She gave you a small kiss on the head.

“y/n be a good girl.”

“Honestly, you two have to be the best people in my life.”

Daniel was surprised when that same night you mentioned your daughter's name with her last name.

“definitely not Y/N it's too much”

“You have done so much for the baby and for me, she deserves to have your last name, more than mine.”

“That's not true, you've done everything to keep her safe since you found out she existed, you abandoned and adapted without asking for help or complaining.”

“If she has my last name first, would you accept?”

he did it.

Your daughter grew up in humble conditions. Her parents loved her even though they were not together. They gave the best life they could to that girl, better than the one they could have had.

In 1996 when your daughter was ten years old, Daniel and Amanda met, but Daniel had not told you much, you met her normally, they got along well,

"you and daniel are together"

"Technically yes, but…"

“I knew it, Daniel didn't tell me exactly about you two, God, I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable with any action or comment, forgive me if I crossed the line, I really didn't know anything.”

You were quite surprised and had a serious conversation with 'your man.'

“Amanda you like it!!”

"of course not"

“Of course yes, I know you, she likes you and she likes you.”dry swallow

“What do ,I want to say, she told you something.”

“You got nervous, God Daniel, you love it, it's wonderful”

“Of course not,you are crazy Y/n we're not going to talk about that” cutting responded, you were very surprised, you took away the papers that she used as a spy so she wouldn't look at you.

“Why are you holding back?”

"what are you talking about?"

“You are Daniel Larruso, the most flirtatious boy I know, and you deny that you feel like a girl, you never do it, you always admit it, you obviously give signs, and you get the girl that happens to you?”

“It's called growing up and/n I'm an adult man and with responsibilities I'm not here to play the conquering child” you were stupefied, you dropped your papers and started crying and exclaiming repeatedly to the point of falling, Daniel got very scared he tried to hold you but you didn't stop

“no it's not true it's not”

“Y/n, pretty, calm down yes, for the love of God , breathing.”

“This can't be happening, I couldn't have done that” you held your face, he pushed your hands away and tried to organize your hair.

"what are you taking about?"

“Drown your soul”

that?!!"

“You don't flirt with any girl you see, like you did before, you work 8 hours on something you don't like, and you bring food, and you arrive home early giving explanations that only take half an hour.”

“I am committed to you”

“You are tied to us”

“Of course no, God Yasashi is the best thing that happened to me in my life, I love being his father and having fun with you.”

“Daniel, you could have been her father, you and her were just going to happen no matter what, but you can't give your life to us and forget to take care of us, just because we promised you, she could have survived alone, remember?”

“I wanted to be part of this,” the boy commented with tears in his eyes.

“and you were and being with you all these years has been wonderful but it's time for you to open in the world with someone else... you remember people grow up, and this is another way to do it”He lowered his head denying everything and you leaned on his shoulder, you placed your arms behind his back.

“Hey, this will remain the same, you will only be able to love one woman.”

"but I love you ."

“And I love you Daniel” you held his face “You will always be my boy, the father of my daughter, the best friend and child of my life, and for that I let you go” you gave him a kiss on the cheek, and you you leaned on his shoulder

“Thank you for giving me the best 13 years of my life”

“The girl is not 13” he laughed.

“I am also counting the 3 years before her”

"I'm wondering the same"

“You ruined the moment” you complained, he kissed your forehead.

"I know"

Your daughter knew everything about you, so it didn't hurt to separate from her. She loved Amanda very much and she loved wearing the rings and throwing the flowers at her father's wedding.

you were one of the bridesmaids

“Thank you for raising my husband.” Before Daniel could say something offended, she warned him, “Shut up, Daniel.”

“Thank you for fulfilling my dream of being a bridesmaid 21 years later” they both laughed, and Daniel enjoyed seeing the loves of her life hug each other.

Yasashi loved being a big sister, and Amanda loved that you had experience with motherhood.

“Without you I would have gone crazy, he doesn't know anything,” she commented after the baby finally stopped crying.

“Hey,” you laughed and winked at him.

“I guess knowledge is lost over time ex honey.”

The children loved you, you were the coolest aunt in the world and the most industrious nanny.

your best friend kept you up to date with cobra kai

“You know I ran into Johnny Lawrence the other day, remember him?” you got stuck with your olives

"there is no way!! how to forget someone so precious?"

"what the hell?" you too?"

“Stop crying doll, and tell me how it was.”

“Well, he wasn't very happy to see me.”

"You stayed with his ex-girlfriend and his third consecutive victory, you really not very smart, in what schizophrenic universe would I be happy to see you!! "

“someone hit the sarcasm wall today”

You tried to advise him to stay away from Johnny, the Kreese cobras and Terry, but Daniel lives as if he had a 'Cassandra complex' when the ones who really see him with him are you and Amanda.

So one day you went to visit him without warning, it was time for peace

“How is my favorite gamer?”

“fed up with male vagineris.”

“Don't use those words around us, boy,” his older half-sister scolded him, and he left offended.

"What happens"?

“We just don't like the dinner guest,” Sam commented, offended, and her sister followed her.

"But who is he?"

You ended up talking to yourself, after a while you realized who the guest was, you almost didn't believe it but you would recognize that guy anywhere.

“Johnny Lawrence” you greeted and you were surprised to see him wave back and even approach you.

“But look who brought us the missing fairy, the samiest Y/n.”

"You know my name!!" You exclaimed, surprised and overly excited, as if you were a teenager with a rock star.

“Sorry, there is no way to not know who y/n is, in fact I'm surprised that you know who I am, you were too popular.”

“not as popular as the blonde Karateka with his pack of snakes”

"Herd? That was rude"

“That's what I didn't say, a herd of wild boars.”

“You just said it”

oops my mistake” they both laughed and for the first time smiled at each other, “Seriously I don't remember why he was supposed to be popular”

“I do it perfectly,” he became more dry and whispered in your ear, ending up embarrassed, covering your already red face, “oh God, that, my life was better while I had forgotten it, God, what a shame.”

“Oh don't worry, we're in trust, that's nothing, remember the time I went swimming naked just so Ali's teacher would take care of this and not give him a test?”

“2 things were better without remembering it, and I don't know if that's embarrassing or humiliating, especially considering that they didn't end up together” you said coldly, he raised an eyebrow quite seriously, you instantly regretted it.

“Oh my God, oh my God, I'm sorry, I'm so talkative, I never think what I say, I'm so sorry, sorry Johnny” he started to laugh.

“For God's sake y/n there is literally no problem, I just didn't think you were so honestly wild, I'm sure it also helped you a lot by being popular.”

"or to make a thousand enemies, remember when stick Milter wanted to kill me"

“Listen, y/n, no one in this world would want or be able to kill you, you're too tender to try, but your faces and apologies made it worth scaring you.”

“Hey, you're so bad,” you commented, giving him mini taps. “This way I can continue talking without thinking in peace, because no one would harm me.”

"I give you my word"

“Well, I'm going to leave a note attributing any responsibility for my death just in case.”

“I don't have money to pay for your funeral.”

“You should have thought about it before giving your word” he gave you the best of your smiles and you felt so nervous, memories of you blushing just by seeing 'the visual delight Lawrence' came back to your mind, how he could also look almost 30 years later

“You are wild and quite shameless,” he say, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Excuse me”

“Not everyone can arrive at his ex's new wife's house, party and even drink like it was nothing.”

“You're right, only mature people can reach that level of trust.”

"You are very bad with me"

““not only with you Johnny, also with my daughter”“

"Right, where is the little girl?" asked curiously

"There's my girl, but believe me, her height is anything but that of a 7-year-old girl."

"My God, how many years has it been"?

"Thirty, thirty long and wonderful years away from the dead souls of the teachers, the fallen neurons of the classmates, the exhausting and illogical tasks, thirty years in the adult world, a complete beauty"

"I don't know, you know, I've spent most of those years wanting to go back, it was like my best moment."

"the world was at your feet"

"Yes, sometimes I miss being the center of attention... but hey, you have to move on, you know, I always admired you, that's why you never stagnated, no teachers, no subjects, no bad grades, no stupid flies with 2 legs, nothing could limit you."

"You know all that time I felt limited, I think I really felt like I had made my way in the world when I left."

"Yes, your disappearance," he commented and remained silent, looking into nothingness, "it was really surprising, no one thought you would leave the place and even more so alone."

“They should have broken their necks when they found out she was pregnant.”

“In fact, no one knew that we had another Virgin Mary among us” they both laughed. You gave him a small punch in the stomach.

“Stopped, it was the last year, I guess I had to create the virgin revolution, it's not like I wanted it, but hey, here we are”

“I'm glad there is a girl in the world who doesn't sweat from Larruso's cheap scent, I knew you were unique.”

“Yes, personally, I feel sorry for her charms, but well,” you looked at him for a few seconds, “I'm going to have to clarify something for you because I think you're one of them…”

“One of whom?” he asked confused, fearing he had ruined something.

“One of those who thinks I had my own private graduation event with the Italian, I didn't.”

“Isn't he the girl's father?!” That's when your daughter arrived on the scene.

“Like Daniel is not my father.”

“Oh shit, I'm sorry, I didn't know, I didn't want this to happen,” he said embarrassed, you moved your eyebrows in a funny way.

“I'm sorry honey, I thought you already knew, you don't have her accent, you're smarter, and your face doesn't ask to be hit, the only thing you share with him is the last name, and it's not your first.”

“So who is my daddy?”

“A cheap neighborhood prostitute, you know the ones who sleep under bridges and ask for coins for their diet of joints.”

“So I am a daughter of sin?” Johnny was watching the novel with amusement, you approached her, hugged her shoulder and with your other hand you caressed her hair.

“Of course, my dear, just because your name is pretty doesn't mean that your mother's actions that night were pretty, babies aren't made out of cotton or songs,”

you kissed his head, the 3 of you laughed

"you go"

“So not you and Daniel.”

“never in my life, there is no way, not even if I was drugged, drunk or smoked, that would never happen” he smiled a little “you know he is the love of my life” his expression changed a little, how would he remember that everyone at school commented that one of the two was in love with the other “My best friend half brother”

“Good for you to show that you are really intelligent.”

"I wouldn't have carried a belly for 9 months if I were one."

“Anyone makes mistakes”

“If it was the best regret of my life, I would have even preferred that Daniel be the cause, but although I want him to rot in his own vomit, I must thank the idiot for giving me the great love of my life.”

“I wish my son and I could get along like this”

“Don't worry, you'll get it, you're Johnny Lawrence, you'll conquer anyone.” He smiled at you sincerely.

“I can't believe we know each other without ever having spoken to each other.”

“Well, it seems that what we saw from the other basto” they moved towards the dining room.

“We definitely have to go out these days.”

"you said?"

“Of course” he placed his hand on your back and spoke as if he were telling you a secret “we didn't rule together when we were in school just so we could prepare for now, let's kick the world” you laughed and they seemed like old teenangers friends, a little curious , since officially this was the first time they met

They obviously sat together at the table.

[goonie-forever]

#1

This is for me....

I want to write to get this all out of my brain. It's hard to hold everything in and just live through life with it all bouncing around in my head, like hyper kids in one of those blow up castles at birthday parties.

At this point I don't even really know where to start.

Maybe....

Just the basics for now.

I made it to my late twenties and that in itself feels like a dream. I never thought I would make it this long. I thought for sure I would've taken myself out by now and made my world quiet. Here I am! Living in my late twenties! I moved back home recently to go back to school and pursue the career that I always wanted but was too chaotic to achieve.

Another good place to start is that I am trying to be a better person... in my professional life as well as my personal life. Work, school and relationships! OH MY! Juggling everything has been quite the journey in its self.

Relationships...

Ugh.

Where do I even begin.

I can start by saying my "picker" is broken. Because oh boy! Do I know how to choose the good ones! My first serious boyfriend was a tweaker and cheated on me. He also beat up my brother which was sooooo much fun (sarcasm is dripping from that). He also wasn't the kindest person to me either but I was young dumb and ready to love someone. He hurt me a few times and took advantage of me and the emotional abuse was strong at its peak. It definitely didn't start out that way. You ever hear about the boiled frog metaphor? Well my frog was boiled until he went to jail and I packed my shit and moved thousands of miles away. I avoided anything that resembled a relationship after that. The trauma from that took a toll and my already existing trauma ( That's for another day) also reared its ugly head. After a looooooonnnnngggg time I start talking to this girl who we will call Mary. Mary is absolutely beautiful in every way. Older and definitely prettier than me. I figured why not shoot my shot and she took it. Then I moved. I blew up my whole life to start a career I always wanted. Long distance wasn't her thing and that was okay. It was my fault for leaving. We talked all the time and I grew to love her more and more. Her faith in God was beautiful. She made me want to believe again. Then she got mean. She told me I was going to hell because I wouldn't accept Jesus into my heart. Mary and I fought one day about something stupid (that's also a story for another time) and I said what I needed to say and I never talked to Mary again.

Jimmy (not his real name)

Jimmy and I have been talking over text for 10 years. It started on kik when I was 17. He always checked on me and he saw me at all of my bad times and still thought I was beautiful, even when I cut off all my hair in a manic rage. The universe never let Jimmy and I come together. Either he was in a relationship or I was. I also had a terrible habit of moving out of state. Finally after years of just texting and phone calls we met in person. We went straight to a hotel.... My dumb brain made me awkward and he sensed the fact I was uncomfortable. Nothing happened but I did lose my shirt and we shared long takeout sessions until it got dark and I needed to go home. And again my dumb brain made me freak out and I convinced myself that if I liked him this much he would leave me.... so I left him. I ghosted Jimmy for over a year. Just recently I got drunk with some friends and I messaged him on Facebook. I apologized for all of the times I ghosted him. This was part of me trying to be better. I think I just needed to get right before I dove in again. Now we talk everyday and he's the nervous one now. Which I understand because I did that to him. We've been through some shit and are both broken and that's okay. I really do think it will be better this time.

Jimmy is part of the reason I decided to write all of this. To revisit everything, to remember everything and move forward. I don't want to lose him again.

I won't lose him again.

Cheers,

Goonie

[transexualpirate]

took a short break to process the fact that my original theory about ben's death was correct and now i will finish episode four

this is awful for all of them but i feel especially bad for luther rn he probably blames himself for telling on ben (and he probably should ngl. i love luther but he used to be a huge asshole)

no ms white lady i assure you "reg" is very much responsible yes

He Pulled The Trigger, Miss.

k so we Finally get some answers i guess

ok. ok soooo. ben is marigold and jennifer is this durango shit?

"we end the world" ben and jennifer have touched already more than once and no one's dead so get the fuck over it and DON'T TRUST REGINALD!!!!!!!!!!

klaus caught something in ibiza...?

YEAH DIEGO HE IS A PROFESSIONAL DANCER.

HE'S GONNA KILL THEM ALL OVER AGAIN

dude i wonder if ben's memories were also erased when he died somehow did he ever tell klaus that ben was killed by reginald i wonder

did klaus ever tell any of the siblings? i know they wouldn't have believed him but did he try?

that is some heavy ass angst potential right there if the show doesn't i want to explore that later on

i hate reginald have i ever mentioned that? i hate him

"i understand you've grown attached to your brother" THIS GUY SUCKS

SLAY

YESSSS ALLISON GO GO GO GO GO

NICEEEEE

OHHHHHHH I LOVE THAT I LOVE IT. HIT HIM AGAIN. BREAK HIS NOSE NOW

allison slayed hard with this one ngl

YESSSSSS VIKTOR YES YES YES

DO TO HIM WHAT YOU DID TO THAT OLD WOMAN IN THE WHEELCHAIR!!!!!

"do you think these childish theatrics will stop me?" "ok well i can step it up a notch if you like" KILL HIM

Kill Him

"viktor please don't hurt him" "why not" YEAH WHY THE FUCK NOT

THIS IS HIS FAULT!!!!!

HE DOESN'T KNOW SHIT

HE'S THE FAILURE

HE'S THE REASON THIS HAPPENED

FUCK YEAHHH THIS IS SO SATISFYING i wish klaus could have seen this he would have appreciated it. i know i did

oh hey klaus!!!! :D

M E D I U M ?

he sprayed perfume inside his own mouth. ok.

oh he's feeling like the shit isn't he. he's right. he should

"richard, but he preferred dick" "hah don't we all"

wait is he actually gonna summon a ghost? can he do that now?

beloved dick 💚

oh ok

oh okay!!!!!

well tell her klaus. tell her about her ass.

well as long as it worked i guess?

klaus is very weirded out right now

OH MAN. OH GROSS

OH NICE

"hop on board, dick!"

hey isn't this sort of like sex work in a way

i hated hearing klaus' voice say "give it to daddy" i hated it a lot

man i think this is considered sex work

his tentacle :(

if they make lila/five a thing i will riot their growing friendship and unstable truce is so cute DON'T RUIN IT WITH ROMANCE

they should have gone to that keepers meeting together

luther isn't interested in more fighting lmao

diego and luther being big stupid muscular men <3<3 they're soooo dumb

yeah allison klaus isn't doing so well. the horrors are back you see

"KING REG"?????

oh allison not to be mean but you are Not his savior oh my god.

im glad he's having fun at least

nevermind. never fucking mind. fuck

ok this is bad can someone help him please. pretty please

that's slavery my guy. that is what slavery consists of. he's being forced to work and he's not getting paid.

im still confused about the alvin and the chipmunks guy. what is his role in this. he's not actually jennifer's father right? then what?

oh they are Connected connected huh. ok. hum. ok.

and their connection is going to destroy the world!!! that's so cute i love that

how thin is this fucking wall how can they hear each other so clearly ? they're not even shouting

number six is watching channel six

five is so fucking exhausted someone let this man rest he's 83(+4+6?)

"more dick?" "yes, please"

hey guys i honestly think this can be considered a type of sexual slavery and im not kidding

OH DAMN. WHERE IS THE MONEY RICHARD????

thank god klaus is smart because seriously what the fuck

oh diego you big fucking doofus. like at least luther Knows he's stupid. diego has no clue. does that make him stupider or smarter? i can't tell. i dont know if it's any smarter to be aware of your stupidity

lila and five are so funny because she's in sweatpants and a hoodie and he's wearing a full three part suit

"just play it cool" "like polar bear nipples"

heyyyy this is different. their clothes are different. and luther said allison's line. and why did klaus say "alphonso". i dont like this timeline.

i just want everyone to know that klaus said "come to mama". just now diego took something and he said come to papi but klaus said come to mama. i mean nothing by this i am simply throwing it out there

i dont even want to know where he learned how to pick locks like this. also thank god he's skinny

klaus and his adventures. digging up a dog corpse alone at night

oh nevermind forget i said "alone"

once again, THANK GOD KLAUS IS SMART

OH NO OH GOD THE GUNSHOTS HEY HE FOUGHT AND LOST SOMEONE IN A WAR DID THAT NOT TRIGGER HIM

"i was so not expecting that-" YEAH NONE OF US WERE

ONCE AGAIN NEVERMIND. WHY IS THE WORLD ALWAYS AGAINST HIM

FUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKK HE'S GONNA BURY HIM ALIVE OH HOLY FUCK THAT IS UNIRONICALLY THE WORSE TORTURE I CAN IMAGINE THAT'S SO BAD I READ A FIC WITH THIS EXACT SCENARIO THIS SUCKS SO BAD OH MY GOD CAN PEOPLE STOP FUCKING KLAUS OVER

he's just like me he trusts waaayyyyy too easily and gets hurt by it over and over again

honestly. why is reginald even alive still. can we not like. kill him and end this. i know it wouldn't fix anything but can we. for me

i 💚 five cussing

ok so i was confused about that but jennifer/ben is officially romantic

sex so good it blew up the whole world. literally

relationship so toxic it brought the apocalypse

world ending sex. literally.

wait i have one more. fucking apocalypse style

SPOILERS AHEAD first impressions of s4 (aka the last season) of tua no i haven't finished the episode yet but i wanna talk

what do you MEAN there's only six episodes im going HAM

luther is a stripper now. that's great. i love that for him. i love him. not so easy now is it luther. space little boy. i love this stupid stupid man he's trying so hard

BEN WAS IN JAIL FOR SCAMMING PEOPLE OH MY GOD oh my god oh my god??????? BELOVED,

"u n c l e k l a u s"

klaus is staying with allison and claire and he's paranoid now the poor thing.... i love him so much....... he's so worried about his nephew....... babye............

he's scared of CIGARETTES now. Okay.

JEROME?????

you could pick ANY name you wanted and you landed on JEROME???????

"and i was involved in the kennedy assassination" "speak your truth"

"your faith in me is undeserving" that's the klaus i know and love now go to therapy please

they All should be in therapy, really

"he's germaphobic now. and incredibly sober"

klaus&claire is the duo i didn't know i needed but now i cant live without. look at them go. they're family.

ALLISON IS VAPING NOW?????

"STONED"? WEED PEN???? ALLISON IS THAT A WEED PEN

WHAT HAPPENED

[baka-monarch]

Innocent

Part One

Trigger warnings: mention of death, vore, mouth play

Part 2

--------------------------------------

Tommy was sitting down in the middle of his familiar cage, looking out at all the big people that were walking around and grabbing other cages. He didn't understand why people kept screaming whenever a big person would grab their cage though, the big people were always so nice, giving him free food and water, and sometimes even things to play with- well, until one of the special big people in aprons take his new toy away saying it's bad. He kept watching the big people, listening to their conversations, just like he did everyday… but today nothing interesting was happening, no one was doing any funny things and it was starting to get boring to just sit here.

Tommy's boredom was cut off at the sound of a familiar ding. He looked up to the door and saw a new big person wearing a yellow shirt with really fluffy looking brown hair and- they were looking at him!! No one ever looked at him apart from the special big people!!! Tommy smiled brightly and ran to the front of his cage to wave at the person, excited and hopeful that he could finally have a friend! The big person gave him a weird look, and Tommy wasn't sure why they seemed confused- he was just being friendly. For now Tommy didn't think about it, or really, he forgot about it as the big person walked over to him and crouched down in front of his cage.

"Now what do we have here~" The big person smirked, showing off a few of their teeth, and Tommy smiled in return at getting attention.

"Hello! I'm Tommy!!!" He introduced himself, and didn't notice the look of confusion that crossed the person's face.

"Uh, hi Tommy- are you… are you not scared?" The big person asked, and Tommy tilted his head, a bit confused by the question.

"No? Why would I be scared?" It was true that most other people were scared when a big person talked to them, but Tommy still really didn't understand what there was to be scared of.

"O- oh uhm…." The big person's face changed to show several different emotions, and after a few minutes they picked up Tommy's cage.

Tommy immediately started to bounce excitedly. He'd been picked up! That meant they picked him!! Now he'd finally get to see where all the big people took everyone to! Tommy started to think about his mama, she'd been picked once too, but she hadn't been taken out of the store like Tommy was. He zoned out the conversation the big person was having with the special big person as he imagined all the things he'd be able to do with his new friend, like finally having someone to talk to!

Tommy smiled and kept looking everywhere as he was carried out of his home and saw loads of huge walls with square holes. He'd never been out here before, and it was amazing to see the blue blanket above with it's big light (didn't big people call it the "sky and sun"? He couldn't remember-). He winced a bit whenever a loud roaring shiny thing passed them, but was still amazed by all the different colours and how fast all of them were. He let out little gasps as he saw walls with bigger holes that showed loads of amazing items he'd never seen before inside. It was all so amazing! Tommy wished he could go run around and see everything- unfortunately he couldn't as the big person carrying him made a hole appear on one of the big walls and walked inside.

"Wooooaaaahhhhh, where are we?" Tommy asked as he looked around, seeing a very unfamiliar but just as exciting new place he was now.

"This is my home…" The big person answered, and when Tommy looked up at them he was a little confused by the look on their face, he couldn't really tell what emotion it was, but it definitely wasn't the happy look they had earlier. Hmmmmm… maybe they just thought it was a mess? There was a lot of big things sitting around in the middle of the room after all.

"Well it's really really cool!!!" Tommy shouted up, trying his best to cheer up the big person.

"I guess it is…" they let out a small chuckle. They opened the cage door, and Tommy stood up in excitement. He didn't try to leave the cage as much as he wanted to, because he knew he'd just be picked up out of the cage like what was supposed to happen! So he waited, and waited… and waited, for eh big person to pick him up? Why haven't they picked him up yet? It's been a few minutes now, usually he'd be grabbed by now. "You gonna come out?"

"No, I'm waiting!" Tommy smiled up at the big person, still waiting patiently to be taken out. The big person looked at him in confusion, and he just smiled back. They let out a sigh, and Tommy smiled as he watched their huge hand reach in and pick him up. He squirmed with excitement at the feeling of being lifted up high.

"It's just like any other tiny…." They mumbled and licked their lips. Tommy watched as their mouth opened wide and he could see all of their teeth, their huge tongue, and even the dark abyss that was their throat; he didn't fight as he was dropped onto their slimey tongue, only moving to reposition himself to be comfortable. He watched as the mouth slowly closed around him, and all the light left… he wasn't scared though! He knew big people did this to people all the time! Tommy was actually excited to see where people went after being put into mouths!

Tommy started to giggle as the tongue under him began to lick him all over. Throwing him around the small space and tickling him whenever it touched his skin. He whiped some spit out of his hair, then laughed as the tongue pinned him down and got spit all over him once again. He wiggled a little bit once he was moved around and now the tongue pinned him to the top of the mouth, he then soon heard a loud gulp behind him- then he finally thought of something.

"Big person, can I ask you a question?" Tommy asked, then felt himself get pushed into a cheek, he only squirmed a little bit at how tight it was, but was otherwise comfortable already.

"Oh- uh sure…"

"When you swallow me, will I see mama? She got put into a big person's mouth too, is this gonna take me to her or to where your mouth goes?" The child asked, innocently and curiously. He waited a long time for an answer, and started to wonder if the big person didn't know where mouths took people- but then was surprised when he was spit out into the big person's hands.

"Fuuuuu- frick, you… you're actually just a kid…" They said as they held the innocent child- god he'd almost killed a child- in his hands. Wilbur watched the small one look around in confusion then finally up at him.

"Why'd you spit me out?" It- no- they asked, and Wilbur felt nothing but pain and guilt in his chest. Did they not understand? Did nobody tell them? Did they really think…. Did they really believe that humans didn't kill tinoes when they are them? "Wasn't I gonna see mama?" Dammit morals-

"W- well uh, it's not time for you t- to see her yet?" Wilbur lied, he had no idea who this kid's mom had been, just that she was dead now if she'd been eaten.

"Oh… Oh! She told me to wait for her when she was picked! I remember, so I just gotta wait more!!" He smiled up at Wilbur and he felt his heart beat more.

"Y- yeah- yeah… you just gotta.. gotta wait…" Hold it in Wil, don't cry in front of the kid.

"I can't wait to see her again-" The kid (didn't they say their name was Tommy?) said then gasped "and now I can show her my new friend!"

"New friend?" Wilbur couldn't stop himself from asking, a little curious.

"Yeah! You!!!" Tommy smiled and Wilbur felt his heart crush to a pulp.

"You- you think I'm your friend?"

"Yeah!! Your the first person to be nice to me, big person!!"

"Wilbur." He cut in.

"Hm?"

"My name is uh Wilbur…" He was definitely going to keep this kid now and try to make sure nothing bad ever happened to them.

"Okie Wilby! We'll be the bestest friends foreva!!!!" And as Tommy said that, it solidified Wilbur's promise to himself to keep this child safe. He gently ruffled their hair with a finger, and smiled when Tommy laughed.

Yeah… he'd keep them safe...... And hopefully Dream wouldn't find out about them...

-------------------------------------------------------

Mcyt g/t list:

@trashpumped @lorie-the-little-ghost @encaos @i-am-a-weeb @wyforyu-gaming @5unfl0writ3r @colorfulsiren @moonmwah @iwasgoingtohellanyways @echoslime @wilbur-simp @trouble-off-grid @lilsyxx @smogs-0 @hello-world-im-snow

[myexplicittarotjournal]

👤 Shadow Work: First Time Trying

So, I've always heard about shadow work, but I didn't know what it was exactly. And since we're in Scorpio Season, and there's a New Moon in Scorpio about to arrive on the 4th of November, I decided to try it.

I've done a little research on Pinterest, and I found this pin here from daysinspired.com:

Since I love journaling, I think this is the perfect fit for me.

So, let’s start!

1. What personality traits in others do you consider pet peeves?

What the hell is pet peeves, lol? I had to google it 😅. Ok, so what do I find annoying in other people? Hmm, I’m an introvert, and I’m typically annoyed when someone doesn’t accept my personality and demands that I talk more or be more extroverted. As if being an introvert is one flaw that I need to work on.

It’s so annoying. I’m annoyed right now as I’m writing this, lol. It’s completely normal to be an introvert, and if I’m quiet, it doesn’t mean I don’t like you, or maybe I do. Who cares? Work on your God damn insecurities and leave me be!

Ok, I think I answered that question.

2. When was a time in your life you opened up and felt rejected?

There was more than *a* time. But the time that hurt me the most, I’ve spoken about it here in this blog extensively, was when Charles ghosted me after I told him about my HIV status. He was selfish to avoid me when I needed him the most. Simply because he didn’t want to deal with me when I was sharing a problem. I’m sad as I’m writing this.

Gosh, this shadow work thing is hitting all my nerves. And we’re just on the second question. There are 15. Lol.

3. What was a time I felt unexpectedly triggered by another’s action?

I think this question relates to the first one. And a specific time I felt unexpectedly triggered by another’s action was when I used to work as a flight attendant for a middle eastern airline. Can you guess which one?

Anyway, I was in a layover in Casablanca, Morocco, I think. This Ukrainian crew wouldn’t stop asking me why I was so quiet. We went out, just the two of us, for some sightseeing in the Casablanca Cornish area, I can’t remember very well.

She simply wouldn’t believe that I was enjoying our day and her company too. And she wouldn’t stop asking me why I’m quiet and not talking much. Bitch. That’s just how I’m. That didn’t mean I didn’t like you. But now that you were so annoying to me, I actually hate you. Stop!

That was a remarkably triggering moment.

4. What was I like as a child?

In pre-school, I remember it was difficult for me to make friends. I would spend most of my free time alone. I didn't want to be alone, but at the same time, I wouldn't say I liked my schoolmates enough to feel a connection. I didn't like being with girls and didn't like being with boys either.

Sometimes, during break time, I would start running around alone while pretending I was playing just like the other kids, so it would look like I had friends.

At home, I was considered a troubled kid, as I was commonly angry and fighting with my brothers and cousins too. I felt misunderstood and unloved by my parents and everyone.

Later, when I grew a little older, I had some close friends, whose I regard well to this day, but as I entered teenagehood, I felt I didn't have anything in common with them, as it was clear to me that I was gay, and they were not.

5. What trait in others do you wish you had?

Though today I reckon being an introvert is not wrong, it took me a long time to realize that. I always felt like a misfit in the world. And I admired those extroverts that would get all the attention and love in the world while being fun and liked by everyone.

It always felt like this was their world, and I was an intruder here.

So, yes. I would say I wish I were an extrovert. Because even though I think introversion is a trait just as valuable as extroversion, I don't think the world acknowledges us introverts like that. And it still feels like this is their world, and I don't belong anywhere.

6. What are your parent's values? How do your values differ?

My dad never talked much with me when I was younger, and he never really taught me any values. But he was a hard worker, and he, anyways, did his best to put me and my brothers in the best private school he could pay. So I think his values were, study hard and work hard, so you make up for something in life.

I don't think those values differ much from mine. I like studying and being a smart ass, lol. And I've always been a hard worker too.

Now my mom, let me think. Gosh, I don't know. I think she is a feminist, but she never knew she was that. She would always complain and speak against being a housewife. She wished she had a career. But, when she realized that it was too late, she was stuck in her desperate housewife life.

So, growing up being gay, and seeing my mom's career dreams suffocate to death in a patriarchal society, has led me to share her feelings of impotence against a straight male-dominated world, if that is a value.

7. What aspects of yourself do you wish to improve?

I wish I were more adaptable in social situations. I improved a lot in the last ten years when I used to work as a cabin crew. You know, working with the public can get you brighter around people, as you realize they all have a lot in common.

Like, in the end, what everybody wants is to feel loved, and if you do your best to show that you care for others and are capable of demonstrating sympathy to strangers, then you're fine.

But I still feel uneasy around big groups of people if I'm supposed to interact socially. And I think that hinders my life. Especially, for instance, in interviews and those dreadful group dynamics. I can't speak in public, and I don't have many friends too.

So yeah, I wish I felt easier around people I meet.

So, many questions. I think I'll finish this later in another post. So, see you soon, for some more shadow work 👋.

[luvbrie]

70 prompts + 25 au's to help with requesting ! — you don't have do use these prompts at all! just if you're stuck on requesting or are interested in these ideas <3

angst prompts !

“But that’s not fair! I did what I was supposed to do!”

“Why can’t you just stop for once in your life?”

“This was a mistake.”

“I never meant to go this far.”

“You thought this was real?”

. “You know for a fact that this was never meant to happen.”

“You win.” — “I… That’s it?” — “Yeah. Now, go. Leave."

“I trusted you.”

“Are you ashamed of me?”

“Do you ever mean the things you say?”

“What do you want me to say? Do you want me to lie and say ‘I love you’?”

“You’re going to have to let go eventually.”

“I never got to say goodbye.”

“You’re a monster!”

“I used to daydream about us.” — “What stopped you?” — “Him.”

“Stop, this is killing you.” — “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“I’m here. I know that’s not enough, but it’s all I got.”

“Shut up and leave.”

“I don’t love you…”

“I loved them, but it didn’t hurt when they walked away.”

“That’s okay.”

“It’s not okay.”

“I wish we had time."

"It hurts because they didn't."

"Before you go, can you say you love me? Even if it's a lie, can you pretend like these years didn't mean nothing to you?"

"As long as they're happy."

"I can't come between them. They're so happy..."

"Timing is everything. I just wish I realized sooner."

"That's all in the past."

"I can't stop thinking about them, but it's too late now."

"I knew everything was too good to be true."

"So what?"

"You can't just throw it all away."

"Was I not enough?" — "You were too much."

"I can't believe you."

fluff prompts !

“I believe you."

"I've dreamt of this."

"Talk to me. I'm here for you."

"I love waking up to your face."

"I think I took your notebook by accident, here. Yeah, no problem. Oh, and your drawings of me are nice."

"Do you have any clue how long I've been dropping hints?"

"Can... we hold hands?"

"You're so important to me."

"You're really annoying sometimes but I wouldn't trade you for the world."

"It was just an excuse to spend time with you..."

"Hey, can I sit here?"

"You can cry. I won't leave."

"You're crazy." — "Then that makes two of us."

"Shut up and kiss me."

"I just can't get enough of you."

"Can we sleep together?" (JUST SLEEP.)

"You're not alone."

"I just wouldn't feel complete without you."

"I just can't believe you're mine."

"Just five more minutes..."

"You need more sleep, so come lay down with me."

"Whenever I see you, I think 'Good job, God!'"

"I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

"We've been in bed for 14 hours." — "And?"

"Don't be embarrassed."

"I'm hungry." — "Too bad, I'm not letting you go."

"You're stunning."

"I saw you practicing how to ask me out in front of your mirror."

"The stars shine brighter when you smile."

"Let me take care of it, you need to rest."

"Let's pretend we don't hate each other, just for today, because you obviously need someone to talk to."

"I can't give you everything, but I'll give you my everything."

"You're too adorable."

"I missed this. I missed you."

"I think I'm in love with you."

au's ! — [ * ] = personal fav <3

*coffee shop au

streamer au

*flower shop au

high school/college au

*enemies to lovers au

hogwarts au

preschool/kindergarten teacher au

best friends to lovers au

lovers to strangers au

ghost au

trying to talk to you but my dog hates you au

roommate au

co-worker au

online friends au

i'm terrible at flirting but i flirt with you anyways au

language barrier au

seatmates au

our parents know each other and keep meeting up because they want us to get together au

alternatively, our parents hate each other but we fell in love au

walmart/retail au

neighbors au

you're holding a map but look very lost and confused and i live in the area au

actors au

royalty au

*library au

[acdeaky]

to tell you the truth (i’m still in love with you)

warning: angst, fluff, mentions of sex

note: oscar isaac’s hot, no question. anyway, enjoy this, babies

word count: 3.3k

gif credit: @damerondjarin

it was dark out when you woke. the loud, incessant banging on the front door of your apartment had jerked you awake, and the minimal amount of lighting coming through the curtains let you know it was very early - or very late.

a part of you was tempted to roll back over under your sheets, pull them up to your chin and fall back asleep, but the knocking only seemed to become louder and more frequent.

you pulled off your covers and flicked on the small lamp by your bedside. your clock showed 2:43 as you shook your head and began to make your way through your small apartment to answer whoever thought it was a good idea to show up at your door right now.

you had an idea who it could be. there had been a few times when santiago had appeared on your doorstep in distress. on those occasions, you coaxed him inside with soft words and gentle touches as he pulled himself in on heavy feet, the weight of the world seemingly on his shoulders.

looking through your peephole, you knew this would be no different as you noticed the familiar stubble and greying hair of santiago’s, looking ever the same after three years. even after so long, you were who he crawled to, the only person who could calm the noise in his head.

the locks clicked as they were shifted, the hinges creaking afterwards as you pull the door open.

and, just as you knew, there he was. santiago’s usual, confident self was gone; even just looking at the way he held himself could tell you that. it almost looked like he was leaning against an invisible pole, his old stance gone, a new, tired one filling its place.

but he was here, and alive, and even after three years the only thing you could think of was-

“hi.” was all he said, a duffel bag by his feet and his hands stuffed into his jean pockets. 

“hi, welcome home.” you simply spoke, leaning against your doorframe, feeling like your heart was about the burst the longer you stood and looked at him. 

“do you know?” there was a slight quiver to his voice and his head dipped down from yours. “do you know where i went?” 

“frankie told me. when you left that night, i waited a couple of days for you to come back. then i asked fish if he knew where you were and he said you were in south america. i asked when you’d be back and he didn't know. i didn't expect you to be back three years later.”

you could almost remember that day, as clear as if it happened yesterday. the night before he left, your best friend, santiago garcia, invited himself to your apartment - like many nights - and brought dinner. he laid the excuse as wanting to spend time with you, have a night like you used to (even though it had only been a week or so since you last did something like this together). 

but santiago didn't take no for an answer; he let himself through the door and began pulling out containers of food and a couple of bottle of drinks. you welcomed it pleasantly, happy to be spending a night with just him, just santi, no tom or benny or will or frankie. no comments about your relationship, no teasing over your choice of drink (or teasing in general, which santiago would always reply with ‘they mean well’, and you know they do). 

a few hours later, the food was gone and you had both had a few drinks. the sun was settling down on the horizon and, if you looked carefully, you could begin to see the moon creeping up behind it. the red and orange sky covered your open room with light, bringing in a peaceful glow with it. the light settled on santiago, like it was used to his body and the dips and bumps covering him. 

he looked like a vision, ethereal. a beautiful dream which you had experienced so many times and you were selfish enough to only want to see it yourself for the end of time. you believed no one would appreciate it like you do, no one would find the same amount of beauty as you find in santiagoas he lets himself bask in the light. 

neither of you had realised that you had moved closer to each other over the course of the evening. you had started on almost opposite sides of the sofa, but now found your thighs pressed against the other’s, you shoulders bumping into each other’s as you moved. 

santiago’s music was playing in the background. at some point - god knows when - he had gone into the kitchen and, as he came back, the soft notes of his favourite song floated from the speakers and settled around you two. he handed you another drink, sitting back onto the sofa and leaning slightly towards you, his arm slung across the back cushions. his hand landed on your shoulder, and his fingers began drawing light patterns across your skin while he conversed with you. 

it was something that rarely happened. santiago had done this with you before, that being eating, drinking and relaxing, allowing the music to pull you from the real world as you talked until the early hours. never been so close and intimate. at the time, you thought nothing of it as his lips came to meet yours in a delicate attempt at confessing his feelings. 

the words “i've fallen in love with you” escaping his lips as they ghosted against yours, his breath hot and sticky against your skin as you replied, “i've fallen in love with you, too”.

santiago made you feel things you'd never felt before that night. he touched you with softness behind it, allowing his lips to travel wherever they could reach before picking you up off the sofa and trekking through the apartment to your room. 

the two of you spent the night together filling it with passion, giggled and delicate kisses. neither of you could get enough of one another. to you, he tasted so good, like nothing you've ever endured before, something good and amazing and so characteristically santiago. to him, you tasted like home, a forever presence that he refused to get rid of. 

and he really didn't want to. 

come morning, the sheets beside you were cold and pulled back. the couple of bits he haphazardly threw on the bedside table the night before were gone and so were the clothes you remember tugging from his body. the only thing he left was his jacket; it was the one you loved on him, that smelt like him. alongside it was a note, the words ‘i love you, but there's something i have to do’ were carefully engraved on the paper. 

that's when you waited. you gave santiago a few days to do whatever it was before you turned to frankie. that was a difficult conversation in itself and you could tell that frankie was as confused and conflicted as you were. he offered you an answer, more than santiago had given you, and a response to a question that no one in the world could answer, not even santiago. 

“i'm sorry-” 

“santi,” you stopped him, not wanting to do this - whatever it was - on the doorstep of your apartment at almost three in the morning. “do you - its late - but do you wanna come in?”

santiago looked back up at you, seeing your warm smile and kind eyes, something he had missed for the last three years. “yeh- yes, please.” you gave him a light nod, stepping further back into your apartment to give him space to pull himself through with his duffle bag. 

even after three years, he was still your santi. the cap he adorned was one you had spotted and persuaded him to buy; one which he had worn almost every single day since he went away. the jacket was new, one to replace his other one, but it fit him well, allowing his broad shoulders a chance to be seen. the colour suited him, too, a dark navy blue. 

he was heavy on his feet as he entered, shuffling around like he was a stranger in a foreign country as he thought about where was best to leave his bag. that had been his life for the past three years; everything he had and knew lived in there while he was deep in the jungles of south america. 

much to his surprise, he came back unscarred, physically at least. of course, his knees had taken a hit during his - mission? - and the neck surgery he gotten gotten the year before hadn't helped much either. but aside from that, he would be fine, so long as the nightmares were kept at bay, no one would think any different of santiago. 

but you weren't just anyone. you had seen santiago in his most vulnerable states, in every sense of the phrase. there was almost nothing you didn't know about him, but now, there was a large part of him you were a stranger to. without even knowing a tiny part of what had happened, you knew the santiago who was currently in front of you, sweaty hands and shaking nerves, was a different man to the one who left you three years ago. 

three years. god, santiago had changed, as had you. you had never been with someone since. many people had tried to win your affection, attempting to entice you with the promise of dinner and a sense of forever, but you didn't want that anyone but him, a man who was on a completely different continent and who had probably had many others beside him in his bed since that one night. 

regardless of how he had acted out there, your love never faltered, unlike your hope for his return. the light inside of you which had been sparked by santiago’s promise of love had quickly diminished when you began to believe that he would never come home. 

but you wouldn't think any different of him. he just didn't know that. 

“can i-”

“i'm sorry for-” you both began, santiago seemingly wanting to smooth things out above anything else. “you go.”

“no, no, it’s okay. i just- do you wanna sit?” he nodded, watching your finger point towards your sofa in the open space. it was the one where that night began, but most definitely didn't end. you knew that. he knew that. but you weren't offering a seat in a malicious way, wanting to see him squirm and suffer while making him remember what happened that night, you could see that he was tired. it was the least you could do. 

so santiago took your offer, turning away from you in a vain attempt at calming himself down. that wouldn't happen until things were sorted, until he felt that you knew everything. he just wanted to say- 

“what happened?” you whispered into the quiet, turning on a small light to light up the room. it glowed over the sofa, settling around your bodies as you moved to sit down next to santiago, not completely ready for how long this could take. 

but he was. santiago knew everything that happened in those years and it would not take a few minutes to tell. there was too much to say and almost not enough time. 

the story began with his time colombia, working for the police as a private military advisor. next came lorea and santiago’s escapades with his informant in search for the drug lord. he explains the house - the safe - and the job, how he roped benny and tom and will and frankie into helping him with the job. 

he didn't even make it through the mountains - tom. 

and something about the night feels strangely familiar. with the two of you, sat there, being shielded from the world only by your thin curtains, it felt like home. familiarity. the thing that seemed to have left you three years ago and escaped to south america.

your bodies were pressed into each other’s sides, the feeling of just another person being there after so long brings about comfort in the both of you. a warm, calloused hand of his sat in the both of yours, a thumb gently rubbing over the back of his hand.

somehow, your eyes were trained to santiago’s head throughout his story, never leaving his body for a second in case you missed something, anything. as for him, his eyes never left your joined hands, watching the delicacy of your movements, concentrating his sight on something so small, but so significant to him.

it was silent for a few moments after he finished. santiago kept his head down, watching the comfort on his hands, whereas your eyes were darting over his entire body, taking him in, thinking how much you had missed him.

“i’m so sorry, santi.” your voice was quiet, like earlier, only just drifting from your mouth and into his ears. that’s when he moved, shaking his head before looking up at you, finally meeting your eyes for the second time in years.

“no, i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have just up and left like that, especially after what happened the night before.” there was a small smile on your face at that reminder and you hadn’t even noticed the quiver in his voice.

“it’s okay,” one of your hands left his thigh, moving upwards to cup santiago’s cheek, the stubble a little longer than usual. “you’re here now, and everything will be okay.”

his eyes closed as you allowed yourself this time to look at him. there was exhaustion buried deep inside of his skin, the usual relaxed look that he held whenever he closed his eyes was gone. it seemed that only a shell of the man you used to know came back from south america.

but you knew he was there. you knew your santiago was there, underneath it all. that’s why you held him. and that’s why you’d continue to hold him for as long as he needed you to.

without much thinking, you leaned closer to him, pressing your lips against his for only a second. an innocent kiss, much different to the ones you two had shared before he left, but it meant more to you both than either of you could describe.

then, as delicate as ever, one of his hands reached up to join your own, his large palm completely covering the back of yours. “come on,” you whispered, your free hand moving to card through his unruly curls. “let’s get you to bed.”

a slight nod was your only answer, that and the lack of resistance he gave you your hands grabbing his and helping him up from the sofa. everything stayed where it landed, neither you nor santiago making any effort to grab his bag and pull it into your room.

it almost seemed domestic. almost. as you crawled back under your covers, santi stripped off his jacket, leaving him in just a dark t-shirt. his jeans followed, the metal of the buckles clashing together as he pulled them off. the hat was last, being placed gently on your chest of drawers before he made his way over to you.

like usual, you welcomed him, pulling back the covers just enough for him to slip under, shuffling his body closer to yours. as he laid on his back, you took the silent invitation to press into his side. just as any other time, your head rested on his chest, both of your arms wrapping around the other’s body.

santiago let out a deep breath, his chest rising and falling so slowly it felt like you let one out, too. maybe you did, but it wasn’t important with where you were and who you were with in that moment. he was finally home, back and safe in your arms and not in a godforsaken dark corner of the narcotics war.

you fell back asleep to the steady beat of his heart, his hands running up and down your skin as he tries to soothe himself to sleep. eventually he does, well after you, but he feels safe this time, being back in your arms doing wonders for his mind.

it felt as if it had only been a few moments, but it wasn’t long before you could feel the rise and fall of santiago’s chest again, but this time on your back. the warmth of his breath on the nape of your neck was calming, that and the warmth of his hand over your exposed skin.

“we should get up, honey.” he says delicately, his voice rough with sleep, dry sounding, and you can feel him behind you, his eyes just barely opening as he decides to start his day. you feel guilty that you wish he wasn't awake, even as he reaches closer, an arm tightening around your waist as the other slips between the pillows and your head, reaching out for your hand as your other lands on his forearm, affectionate, loving. 

there was no use in pretending you weren't awake, your need to touch him, to feel him and know he was there and not in some god forsaken place in colombia, too great to even attempt to stay in his arms longer. 

“we shouldn't.” you mutter, turning your head to press into his skin, soft, warm. your fingers danced across his bronzed skin, keeping your lips pressed against his bicep as you did so.

santiago was complacent behind you, not even bothering to attempt to stay true to his words as he reveled in you, your warmth, your love, the exact thing he had missed all these years. his breath was still warm on the back of your neck, his lips only ghosting over your skin. even after last night, after the sacred kisses and emotions you’d shared, this is what stumped him.

it was only a few minutes later when you twisted onto your back, your hand leaving santi’s as you shifted to face him instead of hiding away. the hand that had left his own cradled his exposed cheek, your thumb carressing the delicate skin.

the beautiful brown eyes you love were still hidden by sleep-ridden eyelids. the only indication that he was awake being the small smile that adorned his face as you continued your ministrations, your own eyes flittering over his features like he would disappear, again.

“are you still in love with me?” he asked, breaking the silence without even opening his eyes to look at you, “after everything i’ve done?” his voice was so quiet, so petrified of your response, especially when that gentle hand stopped moving. god, never stop holding him like that.

“i’ve always been in love with you, santiago,” you assured him, guiding your hand to the back of his head to pull him even closer to you, fingers tangling in his short curls, “i don’t think i can ever stop.”

“can i tell you the truth?” his eyes finally met yours, confidently shifting the hand on your hip around you to press flat against your back, bringing your chests closer, bringing you closer.

“please.” it was a whisper, a beg, your plea for him to tell you what you already knew.

“i’m still in love with you.”

-

if anyone wants to be tagged in my oscar writing, let me know!

taglist: @shes-over-bored @i-barely-go-on-online @sohoneyspreadyourwings @brian-maybe-not @deakysbabybooty @1001-yellow-daffodils @retromusicsalad @hardcoredisneynerd @painkiller80 @goldhoran @scarecrowmax @mebeatlized @seesiderendezvous @alright-mrfahrenheit @someone-get-a-medic @miamideacon @chlobo6 @teenagepeterpan @spacedustmazzello @deakysgurl @forever-rogue @xcdelilahxc @keepsdrawings @igotsuckedintothevoid @kill4hqueen @supersonicfreddie @laedymoon @inthedayswhenlandswerefew @warriorteam1924 @painandpleasure86 @boomerangbassist @mamaskillerqueen​ @bhxrdy

santiago taglist: @stardust-galaxies @kindablackenedsuperhero

people who i think may like: @damerondjarin @unstoppableforcce @starryeyedstories @sergeantkane @youvebeenlivingfictional @writefightandflightclub @anetteaneta

[alirhi]

How I'd have done TFATWS pt 1

Okay, I am such a whore for positive attention that, yes, it literally only takes one person expressing interest to get me to do something lol. So, for the lovely @goblin-tea, here is how The Falcon and the Winter Soldier would have gone for Bucky if I'd been a writer on the show!

Also, shoutout to @gunshou, who popped up showing support when I was in the middle of writing this lol 😘

Episode 1: New World Order

I actually love how most of this episode was handled; it's what drew me into the show in the first place, and gave me such hope for the rest of it. Most of the changes that I'd make here are pretty minor, tbh.

I'd specify the setting in some way for Bucky's nightmare. Obviously, since he was there and knows what happened, when, and where he was, it wouldn't be like the setting changes in movies where they slap a big, bold title card over the scene. Still, I'd probably open with a brief establishing shot showing the city skyline or something; some identifying feature so that viewers can work out where this happened without needing a direct statement from Marvel (note: if you need to directly address your audience to clarify something from within your story, you're a bad storyteller). What year did this take place? I show technology from the time; perhaps a dated cell phone in someone's hand. The point is to establish where and when The Winter Soldier killed RJ Nakajima, without detracting from the emotional impact of the scene. Why does it matter? Because we should know why. Why is Bucky dreaming about this particular incident? Was it his last mission before the events of CA:TWS (a theory I see frequently repeated but with no evidence to back it up)? Was it earlier on? Is RJ only on the forefront of Bucky's mind because of his (unhealthy, but we'll get to that) friendship with Yori? How long has Yori been suffering under the weight of his grief?

I would not have had him crash through the wall, btw. As cool as that shot looked, let's try to remember that The Winter Soldier was a ghost story for 70 years. Ghosts don't leave giant gaping holes in hotel walls. I'm not saying brazen wholesale destruction is out of character for him (obviously not. I've seen CA:TWS lmao. many times. this moment lives rent-free in my brain:

found on google without credit; pls lmk if it's yours so I can credit.

but you don't become a "ghost story" if you always leave that much evidence, ijs)

I'd leave the terrible therapy session alone. That scene was beautiful. Beautifully shot; I loved how claustrophobic it felt, and it really did a wonderful job of showing how Bucky felt on the spot, scrutinized, almost put on display for this bitch woman. This scene establishes Raynor as clearly wrong, and an unprofessional mess, and Bucky calls her out on it. I fucking love that!

lmao gods, I love his painfully awkward forced smile... Guys, this episode is fkn great. (betcha weren't expecting so much praise from me, were you? 😂)

"You're free." "To do what?"

👆👆👆 In my show? That would have more of an impact on Bucky's arc. That question would be one of the underlying issues moving his whole story along. Twice in this show, he's told that he's free, but no one addresses what he's free from, much less what he's free to do next.

It's a minor thing, but when Yori tells Bucky to ask Leah out? I'd have Bucky do more than just shake his head in silent horror. Not much more, just something that matters to me as someone who's worked in the service industry for many, many years and dealt with too many creepos: Bucky would flat-out say "she's at work! that's harassment, Yori!"

Yori can still stomp right past that boundary, and Leah can still smile and agree. I just really want someone to verbally acknowledge that you don't fucking ask someone out when they're at work. Ever. Bucky cringing and apologizing puts the power of the conversation back in Leah's hands; it gives her an out to politely decline if she's not interested, and just laugh off Yori's flirting on Bucky's behalf as a senile old man being silly, so I'm actually fine with how this scene turned out. I just would personally have gone that extra inch there for the idiots in the audience who don't get Bucky's subtle "wtf" reaction and why Yori's suggestion was so bad. If someone's livelihood depends on being nice to you, keep your goddamn distance. Flirting with them or asking them out when they're at that big of a disadvantage and have virtually no power to say "no" is harassment.

Here is where I'd make one more subtle change, too. When Yori sees the mochi and is reminded of his son, and tells Bucky about his death, I'd just slip in a time frame. "x years ago, my son was..." blah. (Guys, it really bothers me not knowing when that scene took place rofl can you tell?)

One complaint I've seen a lot online about this show is how it's a bit murky on just how well known Bucky is in-universe. He can walk around Brooklyn with more or less total anonymity, but he's also recognized as "an Avenger" (when he was never actually technically in the group)... but honestly? I think it's actually pretty realistic. Just because someone's famous doesn't mean every single person on the planet knows who they are and what they look like well enough to instantly recognize them on the street. People look different in photos than in person, and pre-Blip, Bucky had the complete Jesus look - long flowing hair and a full beard. In TFATWS he's a little scruffy, but not this:

Sebastian looks like about 10 different men from one moment to the next just irl with a change in haircut, lighting, expression, whether or not he got enough sleep the night before... 😂 I don't really find it hard to believe that people not expecting to bump into an Avenger would have trouble seeing Bucky post-haircut as anything other than just another attractive white guy.

Anyway! Sorry for the segue lol. On to the date!

Earlier in this very same goddamn episode, it is established that Bucky can remotely operate a car with a tablet. This is not a technologically-inept geezer. This is a 30-something nerd who loves new technology, who, yes, is facing a brave new world and a whole lot of new technology, but has never shown any issue picking it up. The crappy flip phone he handed Raynor earlier? a burner to keep her out of what little personal life he does have (we never see it again in the real show, anyway). The "tiger photos" line? Stays, not to show Bucky's floundering ineptitude with technology, but as a little nod to his bisexuality. (don't like it? don't wanna see Bucky as bi? go watch the show and read Skogland's borderline-offensive interviews. This isn't "how I would pander to a homophobic audience" it's "how I would have written it." the "Bucky is bi" interpretation is super fucking common and has been since TFA so bite me 😁)

Tiny nitpick, but I'd also have the Battleship boards actually set up properly lmao. What even was that? Anyway...

I don't think I'd have Leah get all ranty about Yori and RJ. That's not first date talk, for one thing. For another, let's ease up on the beating Bucky and the audience over the head with that one incident in a single episode, shall we? Instead, I'd have her stick with the date questions - she asked his age, asked about his family; I'd have her follow it with questions about what he does for a living (giving us a chance to not only actually have that question answered for us - how the hell does Bucky keep himself from being homeless? lol - but also set up...)

He shuts down a little when she starts asking about his past; she's innocently curious, just trying to get to know him, but he's flinchy and deflects with questions about her. The date is awkward, but doesn't abruptly end with him running away lol. He walks Leah home, like the old-fashioned gentleman he is, goes home, himself, and end on him grimacing in his sleep, in the clutches of another nightmare: not as much detail as the RJ murder scene, we see disjointed, disorienting images of fluorescent lights glinting off of machinery, the occasional shot of Bucky writhing in the chair, a shot of that damned notebook (to remind the dumber audience members why Raynor's passive-aggressive notebook thing was so triggering for him), and we hear echoes of a couple of the trigger words, and Bucky's screams.