#you would think the fact that the meme makes no sense unless they are maybe wrong about destiel would be a clue but NOPE

[ladyluscinia]

People using a lot of words to restate the exact ridiculous points of my meme while explaining to me how I'm using the meme wrong because their Blessed Kingdom is blessed for reals and our Barbarous Wastes are tragically actually barbarous they are certain

[fandomxo00]

I might be a freak for this but Hugh jacking off to his younger costar who should be sleeping in the next room over (maybe like the hotel is pretty dingy because of the location of the shoot they can’t do any better and the walls are so so thin) but noiiooooo youre wide awake and doing the same and listening to him grunt out your name and you’re planning how youre going to corner him the next day and finally fuck him

note: ive wanted to do something like this for so long just needed some inspo, doesn't follow the idea to a tee but i tried-- omg im so excited!!!! we're all freaks dw 18+ below got carried away again - i have some requests wanting older readers so imma start trying, im only 19 but i like to think that maybe i am mature enough to write for older, wish me luck lmao

characters: Hugh Jackman x 30yo!Actress!Reader

You and Hugh had gotten relatively close in the last couple of months. You had to shoot in the middle of nowhere at some crappy motel and funnily enough they could only find some dingy hotel, that had a tiny lobby, they didn't serve breakfast, they barely had an ice machine. You almost laughed at the idea of a guy like Hugh staying in place like this. You knew he wasn't a snob, and the place was relatively clean, but you just saw him in a large suite with a little living room and kitchen area. The bed was only five feet away from the bed at this hotel and it didn't even have a couch.

You had texted Hugh when you got to the hotel, and you could hear his laughter from the other side at the meme you sent him. When Hugh first met you had been enamored. You were as surprised as everyone else when you'd been drawn to him like a magnetic. He had heard about your anxiety, so he kept checking up on you. Hugh was also your scene part and love interest in the film so eventually you felt this sense of comfort around him, he's seemed very trustworthy and kind. Always asking before he touched you in any scene, going over exactly what he would do. Sometimes when he pulled you in a little too close you got a little dumb drunk off of him. So, you wound up just staring at him like a dear in the headlights. But then he'd usually would end the conversation by making you laugh.

The storyline of the movie where he's engaged to a woman, though he loves her very much when he meets her younger sister the two connect and become close friends. Then you're on vacation and your sister wounds up in the hospital severely hurt, not knowing if she was going to wake up. You seek comfort in Hugh's character and the two of you have sex before the hospital calls about the death of your sister. He realizes that he's been in love with you for a while and your denial. He reveals his feelings for her. It's a whole mess but the two wound up together in the end.

Hugh wasn't going to accept the role unless he liked his co-workers, he hadn't done romance in a while, and even his last romance movie was more thriller than anything. He had been really interested in you when he heard about your journey to this movie.

You still lived in a little apartment in Brooklyn, traveling for work and trying to get as many gigs as you could. You had audition for a side character in this film but then they told you they were eyeing you for the lead female character. Though you were caught off guard that they needed you to do a chemistry test with Hugh Jackman.

The chemistry test was just the confirmation to Hugh that he should do this movie. He had seen your audition after he'd been at the studio, and he suggested you to the directors. Not because he was attracted to you, it wasn't even something he cared about when he first saw you. Hugh just thought that you were talented, and it would in fact help that you a gentle beauty that wasn't really in Hollywood. You were tall but curvy, the shorts you were highlighted your hips and your ass while clutching to the soft skin of your stomach. So maybe he did the care...Even if you have no real interest in him at least he could be around a woman like you. He got to actually meet you and work with you even if it was just a test read. You were incredibly strong-willed, you acted with so much emotion and when he was looking into your eyes, he definitely felt things while looking into the golden-brown hues of your iris'. Hugh's eyes flitted to the curls that fell out of the clip in your hair.

Then when it came to actually shooting with it, it grew progressively harder to not put himself into this character. To not feel something when he has to stare into your eyes, and the first he had to kiss you? He could tell how nervous you were before filming but when you got into character, looking up at him with wanting eyes. Hugh tried not to stare into your soul and grow feelings for you. But how could he not?

It was intense scene, the two of you had to share a motel room, your sister in the movie was in the hospital. You come into the room with your clothes soaking wet because of the rain, you were crying, the makeup they put on you to make you look more flushed was waterproof. As you started practically sobbing in Hugh's arms, before he convinced you to change your clothes. You had completely came into your character, he could see the change in you, as you cried in his arms. The two of you were upset about what happened to your sister, talking to each other, his hand coming to yours before he kisses you. The kiss is soft, his lips landing on the side of lips but your own puckering to meet his. Then his hand came up to rest right above your heart, touching the skin between your breasts and neck. Hugh softly smiled into the kiss as he felt your heart race, that's when he heard a cut!

"Why are you smiling?" The director questioned, a frown on his face.

"Sorry." Hugh cleared his throat as you looked up at him with a doe eyed gaze. God you were in your 30's, he shouldn't want you the way he wants you right now. About the happiness that fills up in him when he gets to touch you so intimately.

You redo the scene, and Hugh sticks the landing this time. His hand coming up to your jaw as you continued on with scene, your lips moving his. You let out the scripted moan as his tongue dove into your mouth.

Hugh went off script as your breathless look at him, "You're so beautiful." He murmured, his hand coming to brush away your hair.

"I-." You breathed out, before darting forward to connect your lips again. His hand went to the back of your neck, before pausing as the director yelled cut.

"Good job guys." The director yelled.

"Are you doing okay, love?" Hugh checked in, his hand coming to your shoulder in a friendly squeeze before moving away.

"Yeah." You hummed, nodding your head.

"You're being awfully quiet." He said, his chin dipping to look into your eyes.

"Well it's not every day you kiss Hugh Jackman." You laughed, as his started smiling over at you.

"Really now, hmm?" Hugh teased as you blushed, reaching out to hit at his chest, which made him laugh even harder. That's when the intimacy coordinator came up to you and Hugh, the two of you turning towards her. She refreshed the mints in your mouth while she spoke, as she talked over the basics, showing the pasties that go over your breasts and the longer bandages that went over your private parts. Hugh got a sock, because the two of you had to be completely nude for these scenes. He hasn't had do one of these scenes for years, during the sex scenes he stayed respectful as always.

It was normal for actors to get aroused in sex scenes, even if its just a character they are still getting into that mindset. It wasn't like Hugh ever got super turned on but with you? Attraction was normal between costars but having romantic feelings was less so. He was so nervous that it was going to be more than just a little attraction.

Hugh had reason to be concerned to, but because when he saw you naked, he kept his eyes to himself as much as he could. But even with your breasts and genitalia were covered, he tried to think of things that turned him off. Trying to rid himself the embarrassment of getting hard before the scene even started. The two of you finished the make out part of the scene before starting to strip each other's clothes off. Even though it seemed like such a simple thing, the coordinator and director had full control of your movements. His hand settles on the middle of your back as you rise on your knees, reaching his face as met his lips in sloppy kiss.

"Closer." The director spoke, and the two of you moved in closer to each other. Hugh knew it was okay when you start moving forward, so he made it look natural as your hand came to his chest while he pulled you into him.

You felt so flushed you were embarrassed as you felt yourself become wet. Even when his hand came down to fake massage at you, hovering over your core and making the actions with his hand. The way you wanted to connect his fingers with core was so hard to keep at bay. But that's when you felt his hard on accidentally rest against your thigh before he subtly but quickly moved it away from you. "Sorry." he breathed, the quietest whisper before he continued on with his lines for the scene, teasing you and your eyes fluttering shut. Your brain was screaming, 'Please fucking touch me'.

They gave the two of you your breaks, time to drink water, freshen back up, and calm down. Your mind coming back to center, trying not to become animalistic. You nerves about doing the scene were long gone though, Hugh made you feel so comfortable and somewhere deep down your crush fueled off the fact that he was hard. Even though it was just a biological function, you knew it was delusion, but you didn't really care. Then when he was ontop of you, his lips sloppily pressing against yours as he thrusted against the pillow between the two of you. Your hands around his neck, your legs hiked up around his waist. You wanted Hugh to press his hips in harder, to feel the outline of his cock against your core.

This wasn't going to happen again until much later in filming and you knew that it would go just as quick as this did. You wanted to soak up every minute of his attention on you. Even though he was only looking at your character that way. It felt nice to be looked at like you meant something to someone, even if it wasn't real.

Little did you know that Hugh couldn't get his dick to go down, not even when they got back to the hotel that night. He kept his hardened cock tucked into his waistband, avoiding everyone and trying to get back as quick as possible. Though as he was leaving you asked him for a ride, and of course he said yes.

It hadn't been this awkward between the two of you since the first time you met. And it wasn't just because you were starstruck. You were both stuck in your own heads as you thought about the other on top of you doing dirty-dirty things. Hugh would glance over at you and try to think of what to say. But the blood wasn't in his brain helping him fuel his thoughts, all of the blood went straight to his dick.

Hugh's eyes skimming down your body as he naturally looked at your legs covered in shorts, before shaking his head as he looked away. You hummed to the song playing on the radio as you fidgeted with your hands. "Are you sure we're alright, I didn't make you uncomfortable?"

Your head looked over to his so quickly he was surprised you didn't have whiplash. A furrow in your brow as you glared over at him, "Of course not. It was just ya know tiring ready to lay down in bed."

"If only I could show you the real thing." Hugh blurted, his cheeks flaming red as he chuckled, trying to come off as joke. You awkwardly laughed along; your eyes wide as you swallow the lump in your throat, avoiding his gaze. Before looking up at him with a kind smile.

God, he hasn't this way in twenty years. Hasn't been so obsessed with someone, infatuated and cared so much about your opinion and feelings. Hugh had been raised to treat a woman right, he had succeeded in doing that for 27 years, but one day it didn't matter how he treated her. The two had drifted so far apart, the two giving up on a love that was once everything to the both of them. It was now something they wanted to move on from.

When he got back to his hotel room, he hadn't wasted much time in getting comfortable on the red comforter. Taking off his shirt, his pants and his underwear before walking into the bathroom. Hugh turned on the shower, stepping inside and soon grabbing his cock in his hand. He looked down and spit on his shaft before thinking about your hand replacing his, moving up and down his long pulsing cock. The idea of your pretty little eyes looking up at him as you kissed him his cock. Just the thought of the moans you had given him in the scene, imagined the vibrations against his dick. "Fuck, y/n. So fucking beautiful for me." His voice rasped, as he started to fucking himself harder in his hand.

God he wanted you here, he wanted to shove you up against the wall. That's when he heard it, pausing as he heard moans and a buzzing from the other room.

Little did you know that you'd been doing the same thing, your cunt soaked with all the things running through your head. Flashes of his hands on you, the way he moved with you, against you. The taste and feel of his mouth on yours. You had your suctioned rose over your clit, plunging a dildo into your cunt. It was the best way to get yourself off and you knew you needed release after everything that happened.

You imagined Hugh over you, the imagine of him stroking your cunt with his thick fingers, made rip from his throat before panting out his name like a prayer. "Hugh, god fuck." Your voice high-pitched and echoing through the walls.

Hugh moaned at the sound of your voice whispering his name, a flush coming his chest as he beat his dick, bucking up into his hand whenever he heard you moan. Imagining whatever vibrator, you had against your soft little pearl, and he imagined you so wet that you dripped out on to your petals. He wanted to shove his face into your cunt, he didn't want to admit to smelling your arousal. But at one point he had to kiss down your stomach, it wasn't a very long scene. But the potency of your arousal made his cock stir, the fantasy of licking up your core invading his mind. You had to be really fucking wet in order for him to smell your slick.

Hugh felt a flush come over his body as he came into his hand, the deep grunting of your name, rumbled against the thin walls. Making your legs tremble as you came around the toy. The thought of him getting himself off to you driving you over the edge. Hugh turned off the shower once his seed was rinsed off of him. He was quick as he stepped out of the shower, wanting to get to you, way too quick as he slipped. The sound of him groaning loudly but not in a good way heard through the wall. You quickly gathered yourself though you hadn't even have to clean yourself before getting up and running over to check on him.

You knocked on the door, and moments later it opened. Hugh had a hand to his head, and you stepped in, neglecting to bring up the fact that you heard each other getting off to the other respectively. Your hands came up to his face as worry flashed your eyes. "I just slipped out of the shower, I'm fine love." Hugh murmured, as you shoved his hand away to feel over where he wincing.

He grimaced but there was no bump or blood, so you moved your hand away before rubbing at his chest. You felt far more comfortable being intimate with him now. "So you're okay?" he chuckled lightly as he nodded his head. Hugh's hand went to your waist as you'd not move away from him. You licked your lips as you looked down at his.

"I could be better."

"Yeah? How can I do that?"

"I think you know." Hugh grunted, his voice deep yet soothing as he whispered in your ear, his accent thick and making your hands curl against the robe he was wearing. You moved back to look at his chest, as your hands went to the belt wrapped around his waist. You fiddled with the knot as you looked up at his dark eyes.

"I heard you." You whispered, your voice practically trembling in anticipation.

"I know." Hugh replied, his eyes looking down at you with all the emotions he had to conceal earlier in the day. "I've wanted you for so long."

"Really?" Your eyebrows rose as you scanned his eyes light hazel eyes. Hugh pulled you into him as your hands started fiddling with the strings of the robe.

"Since the moment I met you." He confessed, as he stepped closer to you, you slowly kept pulling him along as you started untying the belt. Hugh pressed you up against the door, it moving back as it closed all the way. His hand moved from your waist to lock the door as the robe opened up to reveal his naked body underneath. You couldn't see much, but he looked like a fucking fantasy with the way he was looking at you.

"Me too." You admitted as his lips landed on yours, his hand coming up to cup your cheek. Hugh's lips were alot more firm, excitement raidating through the two of you as you felt his erection. "Already?" You giggled.

"Never got soft again, baby." He husked, before he leant down to grab at your shorts and pull them down. Your hands came to his chest when he met you eye to eye, moving the material away from his chest. Just as Hugh's hands went to your shirt and swiftly pulled it over your head. A smile coming to his lips as you realized you hadn't even put on any panties.

Your eyes flitted down his naked body, your heart racing in your chest. It felt different this time, you felt more in the present as you traced his muscled figure, his toned and large biceps, the way his v-line dips and his cock bobbing as he moved to pick you up. Your legs wrapping around his waist as you pressed your lips against his jaw. "God I want you so bad, Hugh. Please."

"I want you to keep begging like that." Hugh murmured, humor in his voice as his hips rolled against yours. "Do you need any pro-."

"Just fuck me, please c'mon. " Hugh didn't say anything else as he smiled over at you before gripping your hips and sliding his cock inside of you. You let out lewdest moan, your eyebrows pinching together as your eyes closed. Hugh watched every movement, completely enveloped on the pleasure he was already providing for you.

"So fucking wet for me, huh? Still got that little crush on me?" Hugh mocked, as you flushed, hiding your head in his neck as he slowly started rolling his hips against you. Your back flush to the wall, with each thrust you moved up, you felt him so deep inside of you. That's when he picked you up and moved you over to the bed. His hands coming to your thighs and moving them up to your chest. Hugh's cock filled you once again, hitting that spongy spot deep inside of you. The moans let out drove him nuts as he started pounding into you. His leverage on the bed making his thrusts hard and deep. "Gotta use one of those toys next time, hmm? Yeah, fuck."

"Hugh. " You panted, as he grunted into your mouth as he kissed. "So close, fuckin help me, please." Hugh groaned at your sweet yet filthy words, as his fingers came to your clit. Rubbing in tight circles as he focused on the place that made your eyes water. You started trembling, your back arching, your fingers digging into his shoulders as he brought you to your second orgasm of the night. Fourth if you counted the two fake ones in the scene before.

Hugh was already overstimulated, he usually waited a little longer between sessions. But the need to fill you came over him and he knew the two of you didn't need any foreplay. He was determined to make you come again though, holding off his orgasm as he pulled out of you right before coming. Moving your legs back around his waist as he moved over you, his cock penterating you at a different angle. Your tired eyes flutter shut at the feeling of his pulsing cock inside of you. "Please come in me." You pleaded, as Hugh started slowly rolling his hips back into yours.

"So dirty." He murmured into your lips, his hands coming to your legs, using them as leverage at his steady pace. One of his large hands encompassing your large breast, squeezing the flesh before moving down to suck on the skin on top of your breasts. Before moving down to take the nipple into his mouth and suck while trying to find that spot in you again.

When he found it, your hips bucked against his, and he moved up straight to start quickening his pace as he neared the end of his rope. Hugh usually took things slower at first but neither one of you could deny what you wanted any longer. "Gonna make me come inside of this tight pussy."

"Fuck yes." You moaned, as your hand came up to his lips, without needing the stimulation of your clit, you shattered around his cock. You don't usually ever come with his just penetration, only a rare few times you have. But you were already so overstimulated, and his cock was so much thicker and warm than the dildo you played with before. The two of you came together, the feeling of your walls suffocating his cock ripped his orgasm out of him. You felt the spurts of his come inside of you, your walls pulsating at the feeling of being utterly fucked out.

Hugh pulled out of you, flopping on to his back on the bed. His cock now softened against him as he glanced over at you. "Fucking amazing you are." A tired grin came over your lips as his arms wrapped around you and pulled you in close. "If it's alright with you, I'd like to keep you."

"It's more than alright, Hugh."

tags: @jessjessmarvelandhp @chronicallybubbly @delicateholland

[katyspersonal]

Midra for the ask meme :3

(Asks from this ( x ) meme)

Thaaaat guy! God, this makes me sad to think about.. in a good sense. And nostalgic. I want to erase SOTE from my memory just to experience the emotions I first had when I've found Abyssal Woods and this guy.

Favorite thing about them:

He is a NERD! He lives up to his title as 'sage'! His Manse is 90% library and other like 10% is actual living area fhdhds It is SO many books everywhere!

You KNOW that it was not simply a storage. He DID read every single book he had. I don't know, like... every room is full of book shelves and piles of books. It is impressive.

Not only that, but also the whole Manse has the narrative of messing with the Insight not meant for humans (or anyone, for that matter). There were records of forbidden knowledge everywhere, no wonder Inquisitors decided to burn it all down, for everyone's sake!

I love that he is really wise and educated, but ALSO a madman! And a more sympathetic kind of than, say, Micolash! He KNOWS he fucked up, and maybe he hoped he could've made Frenzied Flame work. He and his people suffered from religion-driven oppression long enough. Why would not he turn to the force that can take away "every sin and affliction"? Why not wish to "destroy all that divides and distinguishes"? This is a super good example of 'good intentions road to Hell' thing, and told so well through environment and buildup alone, too! god.

Least favorite thing about them:

This one actually makes me sad... It is hard to explain, but it is how 'limiting' his story is. Or rather, 'self-contained'.

When I first discovered the Woods, his manse and himself, I was ECSTATIC. You all probably remember my reaction, and how I could not shut up about both him and his lore! And Nanaya and his followers! I've had the Elden Ring loredigging of my LIFE. I remember how much emotions and joy of discovery I had like it was yesterday. I was super thrilled to figure out what happened, and wrote this ( x ) post. And then.....

Yeah, you see, it isn't anything new for Soulsborne games to have the player to find a character at the VERY end of their story. They are already dead when we arrive, we just make it official with our battle. However, most of the characters can be easily extracted from this fate in our imagination! You can imagine that they live anyway. You can slightly tweak the timeline events so it is not that bad. You can play with their past enough, you can pit them to interact with other characters with ease, you can play with AUs...

Midra feels different. He is very strongly 'locked' onto his fate. He is very contained within his manse, his story is limited to Inquisitors, Horsent servants and his family. And Frenzied Flame.. *sigh* "Saving" him from his fate is not something ordinary. Or, maybe, MY EYES ARE YET TO OPEN and I just haven't found the right way yet?

He feels just as isolated from the rest of the story and cast as Hornsent Inquisitors wanted him to be, and I can't explain why! I just.. dread the fact that there is not much for me left to discuss about him besides piecing together the story of him and his manse. All creativity is resorted to detalizing his past, but Frenzied Flame is not your ordinary Soulsborne death.. It is ultra super hyper extra uber nihilism. Once it touches you, you are merely winning extra time, body and mind, but not in the way Scarlet Rot does it. I'd need to dial toooooooOOOO far back to get him and Nanaya out of that and let them hang out with the rest of the cast! I guess I just need to "accept" it. I accepted Melina canonically annihilating herself, I can do this too, I guess. Just not yet. Separating him from Frenzied Flame just feels like amputating too much, you know? Yet that darn thing doesn't leave any hope or life... He is just too doomed even for Soulsborne characters standards, unless too much is reversed. I am very fixated on future and possibilities, in the way my mind works. @velvet-apricots is absolutely THE best person when it comes to detalizing his and Nanaya's past, it feels so alive!

Favorite line:

"I have endured... more than enough...". It is both really haunting AND got meme'd by me into infinity, sorry fdhfdhs It has the same energy as 'The night, and the hunt, were long...' except in a more fucked up context. Likewise, Midra is about to be released from torture of endless internal fight that everyone is doomed to loose, but it won't be sweet embrace of death just for him. It will be this for virtually everyone, if he is not stopped! And there is no way he doesn't know... Just imagine how much torment he went through, and for how long, to finally no longer be able to hold it back EVEN for the sake of every living being.

brOTP:

I do sometimes like to imagine him getting along with other nerds or sages/witches, as well as to dial back all the way into shared link between Midra's Manse and Shaman Village! He is intelligent just enough to be an easy target for crazy ideas, but also has a lot of heart... So, he is not on Sellen tier, but also not on Carians tier, but somewhere between. I think he and Nanaya should visit Ymir's palace somewhere in the timeline where Midra didn't mess with Frenzied Flame. :') Ymir is likewise a madman with both a big brain AND a big heart, but could have offered a softer perspective than fucking with the literal essence of non-existence.

Also, being friends with Madding Hand unironically works xD

Choice of Gravebird set is odd, but it connected in my brain that maybe he used to be a gravekeeper at Manse before! (Whether he used to wear something more modest or not is a question for another day fdhfdsh) I would expect someone like this be the second best person for Midra to talk to after Nanaya. Someone adjusted to very depressing and dark conversations, not being worn down by them nor trying to uplift Midra's spirit when he just wanted to rot a bit fdhfd Definitely see him as a favourite servant.

There is also the fact that he is the only one who survived Inquisitors barging in and executing everyone (except for Nanaya and technically Midra himself)! It is a question how, but prefer to imagine that he had the chance to leave and use the gift having lived, to try and put it behind him... but he did not, and chose to stay in the Abyssal Woods, he chose to make him living a problem of every Inquisitor he can hunt down. Because he just valued Midra and his service to him too much.

OTP:

He is literally married! xD There is no really anyone to ship him with besides Nanaya! I feel like any other person who gets considered would just be the third one in their bed at most fdhfhsd (doesn't sound bad actually but you see what I mean)

I have my vision of her reaction and attitude to the whole FF business, and at this rate they're dangerously close to having divorced energy. But even then, his loyalty and guilt before her is the ONE thing that has been keeping him from giving into FF, and I am sure she still loves him too no matter how hurt she was. I wrote a FULL ask meme about their ship ( x ) and I was surprised by how natural it was flowing? They are writing themselves and I don't know how or why!!! It is very hard to imagine them without one another. I kind of see their love as something that allowed both of their souls to truly bloom, otherwise they'd be more bitter, unfulfilled husks living regretful lives that'd feel like they were just wasted.

nOTP:

It is hard to imagine any other ship with him to BEGIN with, let alone something I would not like. xD But I feel like even if some crack ship (for example the crossover between Soulsborne games or a far-distanced AU) took off, I'd find it funny rather than frustrating! It'd just feel like a joke, so why get angry? (but like I said, in the end you just add third person in the bed, nothing more x) )

Random headcanon:

Midra does not like to admit it, but he can and will be somewhat selective regarding what he likes to learn! He might even disregard certain fields of "science" if they do not interest him or do not seem legit or in depth enough! Again, similarly to how Ymir declared the Moon "just the closest celestial object, nothing more". xD

Except, like I said, Midra would not like to be like this, and certainly not before people who are interested in the topic! He holds himself to a very high standard as a sage, and knows he must accumulate various knowledge and give change to everything. He must NOT be selective. Arguing with how his focus works though is hard, and Nanaya is the one who notices whether he is bored or even irritated with something! She knows that 'just be yourself dude your IQ is already like over 500 💀' won't work on him nor she'd try to do that! So she lets him to both complain and finds a way to make the topic that bores him more interesting to invest into! He could never be Gideon fdhsfdhs

Unpopular opinion:

Is this character popular enough to have UNpopular opinions? xD I suppose, maybe my vision of him and Lord of Frenzied Flame state? I basically see them as different characters. Even more separated than, say, Malenia vs Goddess of Rot or Godwyn vs Prince of Death! It is due to assimilative nature of Frenzied Flame... It is hard to explain. I see Lord of Frenzied Flame as something that needs a vessel to manifest, rather than being borne of this vessel! Tarnished as Lord of Frenzied Flame is like 95% the same being as Midra as Lord of Frenzied Flame imo. :p

Well, FF is the force opposite of disparity, so, sure. Though, Lor would copy manneurisms and visceral remains of its vessel while the world lasts! It would not dance so magnificently had Midra not secretly been a good dancer himself. Nobody just ever knew, not even himself sfhhd

Song I associate with them:

I'll have a couple!

For some reason, the 'I will survive' here was feeling to me more like a warning of sorts... so, after Midra, it clicked to me! It gives me this sense of dread he has knowing he is now an enemy of existence itself, sooner or later.

(Turn on subtitles on Youtube, it does have translation, just coded in subs!) Not quite Midra as himself! Rather, just unifying effect of Frenzied Flame itself... so, Lord of Frenzied Flame? But hey, when else I will have the chance to share this one?

Favorite picture of them:

I can't find a really cursed image of him that cracked me up, trust me I looked, so have this funi meme instead xD

( x )

[ali3nboyfriend]

last anon here, i'm transmasc and have had maybe the worst time possible on tumblr trying to find community here wrt my gender without accidentally falling into discourse and transphobia over and over again. in the face of feeling like i don't have anywhere i belong and that everyone else fuckin hates me for no reason, your blog is just so refreshingly Normal. i don't think you're particularly extraordinary or anything but it was just nice to see you rb that post about trans guys who get pregnant after me having a weird gender morning, so thank you. i can still kill in your name if you want though

i love you so much and i'm holding your hands.

i try and look at the discourse and stuff i see re: trans men especially with like... as much empathy and compassion as i can. a lot of the vitriol slung towards us on this platform are from our fellows who are hurting just as much as we are. sometimes it's because they don't realize what they're saying is hurtful, and sometimes it's because it is an unfortunately very human compulsion to try and grab control of whatever you can when you feel like you don't have anything you can control in your life. this isn't excusing some of the stuff i've seen said by any stretch, but it does kinda keep me from getting like........ doom spiral upset or angry about it. (not that i think that's what you're doing! just that it's how i process my own feelings about it)

i also think a lot of marginalized folk never really learned how to properly unpack their disgust responses to certain situations. we live in a society 🤡 that's very reactionary (at least, a lot of western societies are reactionary by nature, esp the United States), and it makes sense that when you've been geared up to React on a dime to something you don't really feel that you have the time to sit and deconstruct what it is you're actually doing. a lot of us haven't been taught to dig through why we feel the ways we feel about different people in our community, about why some other people would want to undergo their journey w their sexuality or gender differently from us, about why other people would think about things differently from us at all. and i know that can feel contradictory, because it is, when being in the queer community is entirely about transgression against strictly adhering to what's considered "normal" or "standard" in sexuality and sex and gender. but honestly i think so many people don't realize that coming to terms w yourself and walking away from your oppressive or stifling upbringing is only step 1, and step 2 is unlearning everything you were taught. my personal motto is "if it's not hurting anyone in any tangible way, or if the people it might theoretically be hurting are of sound mind and consenting to that, why should i actually care?" i try not to reblog discourse-type posts in general unless i 100% back what they're saying.

anyways point being is that like. it's not your job to teach anyone what they're doing and saying is wrong but it helps me, personally, to understand that a lot of the time they don't really realize they're being harmful and in fact think they're being helpful and advocating for the community. and i know it's a meme to say "people need to log off and go touch grass" but i honest to god really do think a lot of the really dumb and frustrating discourse i see on this site would just disappear if everyone spouting it logged off and talked to another queer human person face to face. which i understand is not something everyone can do. does not mean it would not help them lol.

people in the community IRL often just aren't talking about the things we see from the community online. they're all fuckin living their lives and using whatever labels and naming conventions they think feel right without caring about, like.... defining them. if you have a queer presence in your area at all and you're able to go to in-person things it might help a lot of the frustration and hurt you're feeling to see if they have any meetups you can attend? literally just googling like, "lgbt [CITY NAME HERE]", you can usually find some kind of pride alliance or LGBT org, and those things are almost always doing movie nights and meetups and stuff. you do have a place and you are wanted and i'm sorry you've been subjected to seeing shit that's made you feel in any way otherwise.

[bluegekk0]

Would Zote be considered a godparent of some sort to the kids?

I guess this kinda leads into another question, but is Zote's and the rest of the relationship explicitly accepting. Like would fpk and Grimm ask straight up if Zote would be interested in being a god parent, or would they just invite him to all of their family events. I know Zote likes to show kindness in his own way, so maybe the family shows their affection to him the same way?

If you asked Zote whether he's an actual member of the family, he'd respond saying that they're just a bunch of freaks. But deep down he knows that they're the first group of bugs to ever accept him as one of their own. Holly was the first being to look through his mask of bravery and treat him with unconditional kindness, and not out of blind adoration or pity. So even if he speaks rudely of the family out loud, he is grateful that he can finally say he belongs somewhere. Of course, he isn't the best at expressing it, the closest thing to gratitude you'd see from him is a less mean-spirited tone and an overall more pleasant attitude. He's still as rude as ever to strangers, but he noticeably tones it down when interacting with the family, unless he's arguing with Hornet. Though even then you can almost notice a hint of guilt on his face afterwards; it's clear he struggles with his personality and perhaps even wants to get better, but years of living in an overly-confident, dismissive bubble very clearly had a lasting effect on him.

And because he never vocally admits that he's one of them, the family also isn't overly pushy with it. If he doesn't want to be seen as such, then they'll respect his wish. They do consider him one of their own, the nature of their relationship is a bit ambiguous (for example, he's almost like an uncle to the kids, though you'd be forgiven for mistaking their dynamic as sibling like, mostly cause Zote isn't necessarily the most mature), but they always invite him for family events and make sure he doesn't feel left out.

Grimm might poke fun at his over-confidence and all the bullshit he spews, but he'd never let anyone harm him and he always considers him when bringing gifts from his travels. Vyrm keeps some distance from him as he can sense that Zote doesn't fully trust him (due to his carnivorous nature), but he always treats him with kindness and worries about his well-being like he does with the rest of the family. Hornet sees him almost as a sibling, and while they often fight and argue, there is a sense of comradery in there - she might push him into a puddle, but if anyone else does the same, she'll shove their face into the pavement to make sure they leave him alone. Lewk and the twins often treat him like a chew toy, but they do the same to Grimm's hands or anything else they can fit in their mouths, so it's clearly not out of malice. And Holly sees him as their best friend, they don't mind when he's mean, and their silence often makes him shut up and reconsider his words (think of the "there's no answer greater than silence and no punishment greater than forgiveness" meme, it's exactly like that). They get him out of trouble and you can often find him sitting on their shoulder or between their horns. Watching how they interact, it's very clear that Holly's kindness had an effect on him.

So they definitely show him affection, but they do so through small actions rather than outright. With all of their quirks, the fact that they accepted someone who's mean but clearly struggling isn't surprising at all. After all, they are just a bunch of freaks.

[catchyhuh]

TOUCH O THE TISM

lupin’s brain is fucked up! let’s talk about it

and i mean TALK talk about it baby. everyone’s experience with their brain makeup shit is different, and there are many different “symptoms”/traits that tend to overlap between. are they still called mental illnesses. states of mind. conditions? awugh no that sounds even worse. WHATEVER THIS IS ME SAYING this is less about the medical diagnoses, this is just the manifestations of SOME type of neurodivergency that shine through in their weirdo behaviors, habits, and mindscapes. now let’s really go here:

lupin: 

we have discussed before his uncanny ability to shut down literally everything to hyperfixate on one task. sometimes for weeks at a time like IN canon, IN canon he will do this shit and not stop until a) he’s reached his goal/the endpoint, or b) he is physically forcibly removed from the subject in question

this will sound nuts to you but i think lupin is sound sensitive. yes i know but listen. he’s always the first to wince/recoil at a loud sound, even if he’s not TRULY bothered by it-- ex: zenigata shouts, lupin KNOWS he’s going to shout, anticipates the volume, even, but still tenses up, even though he’s grinning and actively enjoying the fact that he brought that upon himself. so, to balance that, lupin has decided he’s just going to be louder than whatever’s out there that could bother him. you may have noticed the company he shares hotel rooms with is almost always reserved and quiet unless he is the one instigating and encouraging the rowdiness. boom baby case and point.

all in all it’s surprisingly only something you notice if you spend a significant amount of time around him. he’s autistic i promise. its just. well. he’s hyperfixated on cash and his special interest is getting bitches

jigen:

jigen is very picky. and i mean cheers i’ll drink to that. nobody touch him. nobody speak too loud. nobody fuck with how he likes his drink. nobody touch his gun (you’ll mess it up) NOBODY DO ANYTHING. save for a very, very select few. 

light sensitive. not very shocking given the fact his hat is almost more of a signature item for him than his magnum but ANYWAY! it’s why he’s so particular that it must be HIS hat!! the thickness, the way it sits, the way it shadows his eyes especially, all of this is important. “but wait” you could hypothetically maybe be saying, “wouldn’t that extend to his bangs? in the whole shielding him from the light sense. wouldn’t it just make more sense if he always kept his bangs over his eyes like that?” yes! you’re so right if you were saying that! i don’t know why you would be but regardless. uh, yeah, it would make the most sense for him to ALWAYS have them pushed over his eyes, but. have you ever sacrificed comfort for fashion. that slicked back look is NICE dude

all n all jigen is the “‘Nobody had Autism until recently’ right cuz your grandpa who only wore the same type of shirt, took the same sandwich to work every day and knows everything about the inner workings of a 1979 Ferrari was SO neurotypical” meme. 

fujiko:

absolute. crown champ of masking. what the fuck. i don’t even think she herself has realized because all of it has been pushed down for so long. which part of this might just be, sorry if this is too realistic and boring but like. diagnosis sexism? people do not notice neurodivergent traits in girls as easily. or that’s what they SAY but they somehow schoolyard bullies can pick up on it very easily! point being, they say that with girls it tends to manifest as talkativeness in the right environments, but when suppressed in those formative years, those girls grow up into women who have a million things to say but only say two of them, meaning her mind is just SWIMMING with insane thoughts and shit. that’s how you get fujikos bro. you have to let that little girl be weird and explain spyro the dragon in exact detail to you or she’ll grow up to be a calculated murderer/world famous thief

now if you actually brought it up she would dismiss you and make some remark like “not wanting polyester to touch your skin isn’t a sensory issue, it’s a lifestyle choice” which. ok yeah haha good one fujicakes but i’ve noticed that you tend to favor dresses/shirts that leave your arms free without any fabric brushing on them, and for someone who’s so focused on the VALUE of fashion you’re cutting the insewn tags off these clothes..? what’s that about baby where did that come from? yeah the joke about “oh yes i totally wear heels because i hate my soles touching the ground, not because i just happen to love high fashion” was funny but you actually do tend to walk around on the balls of your feet barefoot too. that’s not good for you fujiko that can do damage to the nerves in your legs (yes really if you’re reading this and you do that it can cause permanent issues in your legs SO TRY TO BREAK THAT HABIT IF POSSIBLE)

also traces of hyperfixating, just not as obviously visible as it is with lupin. with fujiko it’s almost undercover. like, reading her phone under the table, just happening to suggest watching this one movie that happened to be praised for how accurately it replicates the layout of this one museum the gang has been thinking about infiltrating, a few hyperspecific books mixed in with standard romance schlock she’s most definitely not reading from the library just to pad out that receipt. it’s not so much a conscious choice to microdose feeding the beast so to speak, it’s more that she’s forced herself to commit more to her image than anything, so she’s accidentally pacing herself like that

goemon:

MENTIONED BEFORE BUT WE BELIEVE IN TOUCH AVERSE GOEMON IN THIS HOUSE! DO NOT BE BUGGING THIS GUY SLINGING YOUR ARM AROUND HIS SHOULDER OR YOU WILL GET CHOPPED IN THE GUT!! unless you are one of a select few (are you noticing a trend with the collection here) might also partially be a texture thing too, because i can’t think of another reason someone would subject themselves to the insanely uncomfortable plan of wearing your normal clothes UNDER a tuxedo despite the fact you have to squeeze that giant billowing fabric in there

“bbububut i thought autistic people struggled with eye contact” not goemon ishikawa the 13th bitch. you are getting intensely stared at like a claw machine just barely dangling the prize over the pit. he wants you to know he’s paying attention! he’s listening! sure he might be paying attention to see if he can pick up on nervous tics to tell if you’re lying, and maybe he’s listening that intently to catch you when you slip up, BUT HEY, we don’t know that! to his credit goemon only SOMETIMES realizes how intimidating this can be, and only SOMETIMES intentionally weaponizes it, but… still, very intense eye contact

hell man aside from his stubbornness and pride even his picky food taste might tie into this a bit. anybody who’s been hooked on one specific “safe food” for like two months gets it, especially the fact that goemon can instantly tell when the food is “wrong.” if you cooked this meat for two seconds too long, if you didn’t let the rice sit long enough, if you cheaped out and used some generic alternative-- well on that last one he might not blame you as much because this economy IS pretty rough, but the point is, he can immediately tell and WILL tell the chef to their face “you did this wrong. do better next time.” unfortunately most people don’t take kindly to that and because of goemon’s nature when he’s caught off guard he’ll go “sorry. sorry just let me… let me show you i suppose” and next thing he knows he’s teaching an impromptu cooking course. we went kinda off the rails on this one didn’t we. oops!

zenigata:

if monkey punch meant it when he said “zenigata can’t be stupid, because that would mean lupin is stupid,” then because lupin is insane, zenigata must also, naturally, be insane, in some of the same flavors

the main thing about him is that he’s so damn resilient he doesn’t actually SAY anything unless he really wants to complain. he might be thinking “god why is cottage cheese like this. this is kind of gross” but he’ll still EAT it, “the sun is WAY too bright and i lost my hat AGAIN this fucking SUCKS” but he’s stlil going to be outside because he knows he HAS to be out there. toughing it out and only SLIGHTLY whining about it. really the only time he makes it known outside of offhanded grumbly complaints is when lupin is the source of it. if lupin is like bouncing his leg in the passenger side of the cop car (because god forbid he stuff him in the backseat right) zenigata just grabs his knee and stares at him until lupin is like “oh oops! sorry. is that distracting?” and then 10 minutes later he starts it up again. the line between ‘this is driving my brain insane’ and ‘i just have beef with anything that brings you, personally, delight” is very thin

but ironically zenigata can’t stay still very long himself either. if he’s been stuck sitting for more than 25 minutes he can feel his insides shrinking up and withering away. maybe that’s why he chews on shit like a hyena gnawing off its own leg to escape predators. anything to get the zoomies out dude. 

i don’t have to tell you that this bitch is also dangerously intensely hyperfixating right. i don’t have to go into this? like you. we’re looking at the same guy here. right? okay. so long as this point is understood

[paradoxcase]

Chapter 48 of Harrow the Ninth

Ahh, I've missed Gideon POV

At first I thought that the double douchebag comment was about Lyctorhood in general, but then I remembered that Gideon was totally 100% for getting eaten by Harrow. I guess Ianthe is just a double douchebag because Gideon considered both Ianthe and Naberius douchebags, so now they are a double douchebag

Oh Gideon, wanting to kick Crux down the stairs 100% makes you awesome

(Actually, reading it again, I'm not sure if she means "fantasizing about kicking Crux down the stairs doesn't reflect well on me because kicking people down the stairs is bad" or if she means "the fact that I never kicked Crux down the stairs doesn't reflect well on me because I never did it")

But don't worry, Harrow thinks you're great regardless

So like, to what exact degree have the second-person parts of this book actually been through Gideon's perceptions? Or are they Gideon's experience filtered through Harrow's perceptions? Like, if Harrow hallucinated something that was not there, would Gideon have seen and reported it? Earlier Gideon said that she couldn't actually see out of Harrow's eyes during that part, so maybe she was just getting second-hand information from what Harrow saw, or thought she saw, and reporting on it? If seeing Cytherea's body was a hallucination, it does make sense that Gideon wouldn't question it, since she's not used to questioning the things she sees. But, maybe Gideon was actually perceiving stuff herself, somehow, and everything that Harrow reported actually happened, including Cytherea's body under the bed, and Ianthe telling her that stuff didn't happen was just gaslighting? Now I'm not sure anymore

I love everything about this

Oh god, this isn't just a tumblr meme, it's actually a quote from the book

So Mercy ducked out to go kill Harrow, and just never came back, and Harrow left for obvious reasons, and then Augustine left for currently unknown reasons, and then Ianthe abandoned Gideon the First because she's just like that. I hope Gideon the First doesn't die because of this, I've sort of settled on him being maybe the only good Lyctor at this point

So he also came to whatever conclusion Mercy came to based on Gideon's eyes, in a lot less time, and it has something to do with John, and he's also had some thought about Mercy, so maybe he knew she was ducking out to go kill Harrow. Ok. I still don't know what the significance of this is. You know, it is kind of funny how much of this plot is hinging on people's eye colors, because I can't actually tell people's eye color in real life, like I feel at this point that Gideon's eyes must be like broadcasting the bat signal or something for everyone to be reacting to them this quickly. Like, I can see if eyes are light or dark, but are the light eyes blue, or grey, or green? I have zero idea. I don't think I could actually tell unless I went up to someone and stared at them from three inches away, or something. And while I was googling for pictures of what amber eyes actually look like in reality, I remembered that I don't even really know my own eye color, either. I was always told it was hazel, and that's what it says on my driver's license, but then when I joined the Sims 2 fandom like 15 years ago and downloaded some custom hazel eyes thinking I was going to go make some sims with my eye color, those eyes were a completely different color than my eyes, and I learned that by "hazel" people usually mean the kind of eyes that are like partially brown and partially green, whereas my eyes are definitely a single solid color all the way through and if I actually look at the wikipedia page on eye color, they do look most similar to the picture for the amber eyes. But then wikipedia also says this:

which is a pretty good description of my eye color, and I think also a good description of the picture on the wikipedia page for amber eyes. So I've got no idea, honestly. By the way, I can't find any other source online for this statement about hazel sometimes meaning hazelnut-colored, every site I can find seems to use the brown-mixed-with-green definition. The four sources in that image are not about language use with respect to eye color descriptions, or about eye color genetics, they're just miscellaneous eye studies in which eye color was a variable and all four of them divide all possible human eye colors into one of three categories: blue/grey, green/hazel, and brown. I can't read the full articles, but for all I know these references are just meant to mean "some scientists classify eye color this way for simplicity's sake". There's one person on the talk page of the wikipedia article claiming that the definition of hazel = hazelnut-colored is the main one and the brown + green definition is specious, but they seem to be contradicted by the entire internet. So what is hazel? What is amber? What are Gideon's eyes supposed to look like? What color are my eyes? I don't know. I don't know the answers to any of those questions

I am living for the Ianthe/Gideon banter

I appreciate Gideon for this more detailed description of the Cyrus and Valancy nude art that Harrow could not bring herself to give us

Did Gideon get "so many" letters from Harrow? The only ones I remember from Gideon the Ninth were the various snippy notes that Harrow left her after she went to go adventuring in the facility, and after the siphoning challenge, but I'm not sure that qualifies as "so many". Did Harrow write letters to Gideon before they came to Canaan House?

I have to wonder under what circumstances Harrow thought Ianthe might run into Gideon that she gave her this letter. Did she expect this exact thing to happen? I got the feeling at the beginning that she had some other ultimate plan in mind for Gideon besides her sharing Harrow's body. Also, didn't Harrow work very very hard to not achieve One Flesh One End with Gideon?

And of course, the sunglasses will hide Gideon's eyes, for when she goes to talk to John. I would have thought this was part of Harrow's plan, except I'm also like 100% sure that Harrow also has no more idea about what Gideon's eye color means than Ianthe does

No comment

Gideon just cannot resist the that's what she said joke even while clearly having some Big Feelings

I feel like Ianthe thinks she's in a completely different genre of book. She wants to be this clever, aristocratic lady in a fantasy of manners that's full of intrigue and backstabbing and then she falls in love with some dude (or some woman, maybe) and has to keep that from unraveling all of her plans, but instead she's in this gross body horror story where love isn't keeping a lock of someone's hair, it's giving yourself DIY brain surgery in order to prevent the destruction of their immortal soul after they died. I think she does know why Harrow did what she did, though, I think she said so herself in that one chapter we got that was from her POV. She's just trying to stir shit here. But more fool her, I'm pretty sure Gideon already thinks that Harrow removed her memories of her because she hated her, I don't think there's any way that Ianthe could hurt Gideon here that Gideon hasn't already done to herself

I feel like Harrow and Gideon came away with very different impressions of what exactly went down during the Pool Scene

I'm still not entirely sure how right Gideon is about this and how much of it really was just Ianthe trying to use Harrow. And I think it's hilarious that she immediately comes back to "she was a hypocrite for getting upset about the necrophilia"

Is there going to be any love confession in this story that is not completely fucked up?

This is obviously supposed to be some sort of joke, and it was mentioned repeatedly in that "what's the worst joke" poll, but I don't get it at all

[friendsim2]

Just a question, I don't want to appear rude or anything...

I like your game, really do, but have you considered writing MSPAR as literally anything else than a pathetic little pleb who just can't seem to do a single thing right unless they have some sort of guidance?

I recall they were some kind of God or at least a supernatural entity, weren't they? All that Green Sun bullshit. So then why does majority of the characters treat us like complete trash? Even less than that in extreme cases (cough cough tyzias)

I understand Alternia is harsh or whatever, and they are just pissed at everything that breathes (if a fictional character's feelings are really needed to be taken into consideration) but this just feels like weak writing to me, especially after several volumes. I played both revolution and salvation to see if the treatment of the main character would change, but.....nope!

In og friendsim, they were a dork too, absolutely, but they also had the qualities to stand up for themselves (ie. insulting both Mallek and Galekh, highblood enough to rip us to shreds if they wanted to) but now, all their "personality" revolves around the fact of how trully incapable, pathetic, and weak they are despite the fact template MSPAR wasn't even that hard to stomach. This one on the other hand....

I didn't expect a sequel of a literal meme goldmine to be so negative (again, Alternia is Alternia, ik), even aggressive towards the player in certain moments. I guess winding down while playing was never the idea in the first place? I felt personally attacked by the ooc characters for something I didn't even do lol. If this was your intention, then you did a really good job.

Chickening out made perfect sense in the first volume, new surroundings and a murder to absorb, but as the volumes grew more brutal and savage, it truly makes no sense to keep a main character so mentally weak. I swear, I can't be the only one who is immensely annoyed by this.

But hey, that's just my humble opinion after 35 hours of playtime. Still excited for Marvus ofc

Peace out

So, I think there's a couple things worth pointing out here - and just to preface this isn't "your take on this is bad and wrong" but more "have you considered this?"

Don't expect this will change your opinion that much, since you clearly put a lot of time into this, but maybe you'll see things in a slightly different light - at the very least, I feel like this is thought-out critique that deserves a response.

First off, and I feel like this is an important baseline to set - we treat MSPAR as a character, not a reader insert. They are being influenced by an outside force, but exist in a kind of weird meta-narrative state where they're kind of also in control of their own personality. While this might not be explicitly stated in FS/PQ, it's definitely the vibe you get from the writing - MSPAR clearly shows a personality separate from the person playing it.

The "god powers MSPAR" is very much the product of the end of Pesterquest, not OG Friendsim. Keep in mind that literally none of the Friendsim characters have seen that side of MSPAR. Also, MSPAR mostly used their god powers to try to fix things for their friends... although there's a path where they're very much condescended to by the narrative itself. But like, Friendsim MSPAR is kind of a sad wet cat - they get hurt a lot and spend a lot of time wandering kind of aimlessly. They're in a lot of situations - and that was our influence moreso than PQ's tone.

The MSPAR that everyone on Alternia knows is basically not the same MSPAR as the end of PQ. Because stuff happened in PQ that none of them are aware of. But they've stepped back into another part of the story and subjected themselves to the influence of other, darker forces (Scratch) by choosing to go back for their other friends so... shit's fucked, man.

The story is intentionally darker in tone that the original Friendsim and Pesterquest - that was an intentional choice, and we know it might not be to everyone's liking. And if you're more in it for the lighter, more humorous vibes of FS/PQ that is completely fair and understandable. Some of that is the result of taking the Alternian world-building in a more serious direction, some of it is to reflect the changing attitudes as characters grow up and fill into their roles in the system more, and some of it is just a difference in writing style. And, like, fully acknowledging that the story gets downright grim at times. Not to say that there aren't darker moments in OG FS - stuff like the bad ending with Nihkee or the stuff with Daraya and the mall - but it is overall a little more humorous.

At it's heart, Friendsim 2 is a story about trauma - both the trauma of Alternia and what it represents, and also the trauma inherent in MSPAR's attempts to deal with the implications of how the timelines work. The trauma is both from MSPAR and from other characters who've interacted with MSPAR. That does inform both how MSPAR responds to stuff (keep in mind they're basically slugging through like a week of time here with very limited rest, just moving from point to point without a strong idea of what's guiding them). But also, it is a story about pushing past that trauma and getting to place where recovery and healing might be possible. And yeah, some of the payoff for that is coming in volumes 12 - 14 so it's not fair to be like "why can't you see this?!" The arc of the story is very much a "start at the bottom and crawl your way up" kind of thing, with moments of triumph along the way (breaking Skylla and Konyyl out in volume 3, helping Chixie in volume 7, helping the rebels in volume 9, freeing Folykl and Kuprum in volume 11)

Idk if I'd say everyone is negative towards MSPAR. Obviously there's some very prominent examples (Tyzias, Polypa) - but that varies from extremely positive (Stelsa, Mallek, Bronya, Lynera) to neutral (Amisia, Tirona, Tegiri) to "we don't remember you" (Diemen, Charun, Fozzer). The balance is probably neutral-to-negative, which was an intentional choice.

The story is about to throw some curveballs at you in volumes 12, 13, and 14 which may or may not influence how you see things. I suspect at least one of these (from volume 13) will probably not be something you vibe with, but a couple might be positives for you.

I really hope that the ultimate conclusion of the game itself helps put some stuff in perspective. The final volume is a way of tying all the threads together in a way that will hopefully feel satisfying - and there's a bunch of ending slides that will show the outcomes of various choices you made along the way, Fallout style.

Anyway, appreciate the well thought-out critique. It sounds like you might have gone in expecting a slightly different story than the one you got - and that's completely fine! Hopefully the last few volumes will prove to be a satisfying send-off - and regardless we appreciate the investment of time and energy into the game!

[terriblesportsimagines]

i'd like to request hcs on what miyuki, chris, sanada, okumura, kuramochi and mima would do to win over/get closer to their female crush/ s/o (could be before they officially start dating or in the early stages of their relationship)

The interminable wait is over! All of the asks are written, now I will post. I don't know when I'll open the ask box, since I really struggled to get these done, but I do hope to open it fairly soon for a much smaller intake.

Enjoy! (I think these got longer with each character I wrote them for... sorry Miyuki~)

Miyuki Kazuya

It turns out that getting you to go out with him was easier than actually being in a relationship.

He’s a bit prickly and he’s not good at connecting with others.  Real social interaction is a challenge and he’s pretty clueless.  He puts in the effort, but feels really awkward with everything.  Tries to go it by himself but doesn’t feel like he’s making any progress so he reluctantly asks his friends.

Not that they know anything, they’re baseball idiots too.  But they brainstorm and come up with the usual cliché things he can actually do. 

He gives you as much of his time as he can, walks you to class or to your club, buys you snacks or drinks.  Listens to what you say and does preliminary research into the things you like.  Patience will be the key here, and being open and honest.  He needs help lol

Takigawa Chris Yuu

He’s nervous, but reasonably confident.  He’s a little shy, but he stretches his wings a bit to try to get you to like him.  Nothing too obvious, but it’s there.

Homework help for sure.  If you don’t need help, then he’ll feign needing yours.  To him, it’s a reasonable way to spend time together without being obvious or making things weird if you don’t like him back.

Definitely goes out of his way to learn about your interests, so he can something to talk to you about that isn’t related to school.  Whether he shares the likes or not, he makes an effort.

Attention is his best weapon.  When his singular focus is centered on you, you feel it.  Despite being subtle, he’s pretty obvious to anyone who knows him.  Ryou undoubtedly pokes at him.

It’s probably not surprising that he can be rather romantic.  He’s a nurturing kind of boy, so it’s not hard for him to come up with ways to pamper you that won’t push or embarrass you.  He’s very sensitive to your feelings.

Sanada Shunpei

Okay so, will he actually have to put in a special effort to win you over?  He has everything going for him – good looks, sense of humor, surprisingly sweet, maybe a little goofy…

I don’t think he does anything special, but he’s a good boyfriend.  He texts you all day, checking in, but also sending you amusing and cute things like memes and baby animal pictures.  As you get closer, he will probably start venting out baseball things to you – this is a sign of intimacy, because he generally doesn’t say anything unless he trusts the other person

Always buying you tiny little gifts.  Little keychains, plushies, figures, candy, food, even if you tell him he doesn’t have to, he keeps doing it, mostly because these little items make him think of you.

Secretly buys a second copy sometimes and hides it in his room so he can feel extra connected to you.

Okumura Koushu

1000% struggles to figure out how to talk to you in the first place, let alone ask you out.  He’s pretty shy when it comes toother people when baseball isn’t involved.  Especially with girls, since he has 0 experience with them, except from them giggling around him which annoys him greatly.

He probably notices you in the first place because you aren’t one of those girls.  You acknowledge him, and smile at him, but you are never over the top, or make him feel awkward.

Seto’s advice is garbage, but somehow Yui’s isn’t?  Koushuu probably would have ignored him too, except he sees how popular he is with girls and the fact that he can talk to them easily.

He starts small, just by talking to you, generally about school, since he’s awkward and doesn’t know what to talk about.  After a few suggestions his conversation expands and as he gets more comfortable he’s a lot less awkward.  His conversation is intelligent, and he’s unintentionally funny in a dry way

By the time he asks you out, you are pretty good friends, and he trusts you.  The step over the line to more than friends isn’t as hard as he expected.  The biggest thing he does to continue to win you over is give you time.  His time is so limited, but every extra second he has goes to you, even if it’s just messaging or phone calls.

Kuramochi Youichi

He’s very earnest and really cool?  He’s good with girls, despite his inexperience.  One could argue that he’s cooler when talking to girls than he is with anyone else

He’s very enthusiastic.  He talks to you about everything, and discusses decisions with you.  You’re not a dick like Kazuya, and have much better sense.  It’s kind of funny, since he, like many of his teammates, don’t do communication that well in general, but with you?  He’s somehow a pro? 

Never lets things fester or sit, and fixes things immediately.  Makes you feel like you can tell him anything and he’s always there to listen to you.

Creates opportunities to do things together, which can be hard on a boarding school campus.  Take turns coming up with the activity, which leads to you learning about baseball, and maybe video games/wrestling (if you don’t already know), likewise he learns how to do the things you like.  Keeps trying no matter how terrible he is at it.

This boy cuddles, so I hope you are okay with that.  Always respectful, but he loves nothing better than to have you in his lap and arms snuggling while you do whatever it is you are doing together.

Mima Souichirou

He’s so intense that he often comes off as scary, nothing could be farther from the truth, however.

He’s sweet and polite and very considerate of his girlfriend.  He’s very focused on baseball so it takes him a little bit to adjust to having to reorganize his time.  It’s a transition, so there is a bit of a rough patch, but he tries really hard.

He’s good at compromise, and he’s pragmatic.  There’s no unnecessary fights with him, even if you get angry, he remains calm and listens.  He’s very good at calming you down

Is very blunt, but also the softest boy too?  Despite his tendency towards bluntness, he’s sensitive.  Is always there when you need him, no matter what.  Likes to take walks with you, and to hold your hand.

His favorite it taking you to the forest for a picnic.  Is unintentionally very romantic lol He doesn’t think about things like that, he just thinks about what you both might like.  He very much values your alone time

Often buries his face into the juncture of your neck and shoulder and just inhales.  You smell so much nicer than his teammates.

[formal-frog-shoes]

we got listing, cause i was bored at work

Now imma be real, i couldnt figure out who would be a troll and who would be a human?

so i used a randomizer (though some i freaking shifted some around. for fun)

humans:

Cater Diamond (cause i already drew that, i cant back out now)

Trey Clover (for that one post i saw you also cause some stuff im workin on)

Ruggie Buchi

Deuce Spade

Silver (Very used to Troll things, cause Lilia trol-lore reasons)

Jamil Viper

Vil Schonenheit (Bro's name is so hard to spell. Not why he's a human. just have trouble spelling)

Kalim Al Asim

Trolls

Idia Shroud (THIS MAN WILL BE INDIGO BLOOD I BET MY SOUL ON IT)

Leona Kingscholar

Ortho Shroud (Aradiabot style, died early one brother of Idia, Burgundy Blood got he ghost and put him in da robody that Idia made.)

Floyd Leech

Jade Leech (I will not separate the twins, but as all the fanart ive seen they will be Violet. It just makes sense)

Lilia Vanrouge (Troller of Silver early on, became very attached to this human child, and has given him many troll lessons. Silver thought it was like a game world building thing at first. Until he meets the trolls of course)

Sebek Zigvolt (Bro calls everyone humans, makes sense. The wheel picked this one)

Azul Ashengrotto (Everyone makes him Fuschia? not me. He is Cerulean, cause his name literally means Blue, and also 8 theme, and also pirate mini theme and also cause capitalism seems to be secondary in Vriska bloodtype)

Riddle Rosehearts

Malleus Draconia

Jack Howl

Ace Trappola

NOW THAT WE HAVE ALL 8 HUMANS AND 12 TROLLS (Excluding the alpha trolls cause there's not enough characters and only 2 out of the twelve were important and i dislike both of them), the remaining characters were left out! So i did some thinking, (for fun) and now we have two

very

important spots left.

Cherubs

Epel Felmier

Rook Hunt

Of course, we're not following homestuck lore or anything, cause lets be honest, i dont want either of them to follow the lord english route (although, this might make people perturbed, but like Epel would make a pretty interesting Lord English.)

plus i dont wanna do the whole. Sharing a body thing? Rather, they exist on opposite like walls in the little room thing and they have to share a computer that has like two monitors

like this. and they can like hear each other though the wall. (to match with Rooks hunting thing, i'll give him like Callie's book of lore thing? but also he like internet stalks his friends. cause that's normal and very in line for him, i'd think)

ALSO it's been like several years since i've read. homestuck and i literally just finished chapter 2 of Twisted Wonderland like maybe 2 weeks ago and haven't continued the story. i do frequently fact check homestuck stuff when making aus and ideas and stuff, and i've read like so many scattered memes and spoilers for TWST so like that's all my knowledge.

so if something seems weird or whatever, like let me know? and i'll read it, love information. but also this is a joke au, so things being serious will probably not happen. unless i get too attached to this dumb au then maybe.

[darkerthanblack-666]

From assumptions ask: 

I have a feeling that you don’t waste your time on haters/people who leave too much negative feedback. I really like the fact how honest and authentic your posts are, no sugarcoating. If someone finds them too blunt, I guess it’s just their problem 🤷🏼‍♀️ to me, so many of your tags/comments are on point!

Your sense of humour is awesome too. Also, this would make so much sense ‘cause you’re a Sagittarius, right? Basically every Sagi that comes to mind can make me laugh/makes great jokes :D sooo my last assumption/observation is that you know a lot about astrology (my zodiakara side is taking over haha)

If that previous anon is reading, I talk more about myself here so trigger warning:

I do send some haters out, yes. But I'm also sensitive and have social anxiety... so it's not like I don't waste time on this sometimes. I've been through some tough situations in the past and I prefer to remove myself from the situations that make me uncomfortable before they escalate too much. Sometimes it causes me to overreact and I know this well. It just reminds me of something else and I worry it might get worse.

Blunt - I've always been like that, I've also managed to tone it down a looot (unless I'm literally pissed off, all my effort goes to fuck itself, but later I worry if it was too much, I don't know how to show negative emotions 😅). It also has its good sides, though, When I say something positive at least you will know I truly mean it 💖 (and I do, I like to randomly drop nice comments as well, compliments and positive feedback is very important! it just makes everyone feel good, both giver and receiver). Also in many cases I share my experience/positive tips and maybe that helps someone 😌. So it's not exactly for the sake of being painfully honest, often I just think I have something important to say and I feel very passionate about it (and if I don't say it I go sdfgkjhfgkjhsdkfgjhdf). Idk, poor impulse control. No idea. Sometimes I simply don't think, just say the thing. I rarely do something to deliberately hurt someone's feelings. Also I'm often misunderstood, so I think it causes me to over-explain whatever I do (like I'm doing it right now, I think I'm in my chatty mood 😅 irl I'm the opposite haha... I can just say nothing unless I feel comfortable).

Yeah, and not only I'm a Sun in Sagittarius, I'm a Mercury in Sagittarius too 😅. Mercury is responsible for communication. Though I do not treat this zodiac stuff very seriously, it more likely is an undiagnosed adhd (I mean I think I have it, but haven't been formally diagnosed, I literally googled "adhd I'm too intense reddit" after replying to the previous anon, because I think I'm just too intense and it comes off as arrogance, but I'm just very passionate when I'm like this). Oh and my coolest placement (that I also share with both of my blorbos) is Mars in Scorpio, I'm very passionate about this one 😂

Also back at you, my assumption is that you're Polish, because who else would use the word "zodiakara" 😆 (but once I did read a fic full of Polish memes and the author just had Polish friends, so... who knows)

[inventors-fair]

Bringing In the Year: Rewind Winners ~

Our winners for this week are @bread-into-toast, @helloijustreadyourpost, and @spooky-bard!

@bread-into-toast — Eerie Lightswarm

What a fusion. Forgetting the Atraxa-y flavor of this, the callback is stellar and the card is weirdly fun. The colors all make sense for lifegain, and the ability to give something lifelink and beef the bejeezus out this thing later is awesome. If you happen to have two of them, giving one of them flying AND lifelink would be just gross. If you need it, I guess. The evasion is still cool; Abzan-colors aren't that well-versed in flying by themselves from what I've played with, but what do I know, I run Atraxa proper and this is just based on her pet leggy-worm.

I think my favorite part is the fact that it's on Ikoria and it fits so well with the magical not-quite-prehistoric feel of that world. I like Ikoria, kinda, but what really belongs there? I personally didn't grab onto the plane as much as some folks did, seeing as we only had it for one set. But between the crystals and creepiness and maybe that one scene from Jackson's King Kong, I feel the "giant bug" vibes and I love how whoever would be assigned to this could tap into the creepy feeling. And who wants a bug-gift? I think it makes me want to lean into these colors more as part of an identity of haunting wood-y bog-y crawl-y beasts. Gotta finagle your own way out of the web.

@helloijustreadyourpost — Inescapable Mimic

Luckily for me, I was wearing a smaller, smugger me underneath. Isn't that how the meme goes? I had to double-check what this contest was for, and I was actually surprised that it was the fusion one; I didn't really intend for two fusions to be in the winners, but hey, guess that this is the card that grabbed me. And then took me over. I want to first start with the cool mood that you've made from this card, the horror trope that I recognize well from…uh, Spatula Madness, I guess? It feels familiar even if I can't place it 100%. That's the beauty of tropes! Recognizability without exactitude.

Mechanically, this card is quite an interesting teaching tool. I love the zonal aspect and the uniqueness of teaching what it means to have a card vs. a clone vs. a permanent, and so on and so forth. At the end of your turn, I want your biggest creature. Excellent! It's a twist I didn't actually expect to work so well, and what I love is how you've turned this into a card that I didn't know wasn't just plain good. The combination created an original feeling because of how you shifted the mood, and the play of the card feels more original because of that twist. Isn't it cool how these things work?

@spooky-bard — Wiltox, Tireless Excavator

I wanna hug that sad robot; and what wonderfully interesting flavor text to embrace too. Tocasia feels like she's answering a question that the viewer is asking about the character, and the immersion is pretty darn great for me. I don't suppose that a partner would give it any answers, but it sure would fill the graveyard, depending. Glacian, Keskit, and Ich-Tekik all come to mind when browsing partners. Sad, really, that they can give it fuel but no answers. Unless it already knows what it's looking for and I'm the fool in this equation.

Powerstones for that first ability are pretty great, though, and the tokens are just an upside. Having an all-artifact-y build would really beef the power of this kind of card. Ultimately it fits in with basically any kind of Commander for limited but does best with the graveyard shenanigans. Unlimited options! Or kinda limited, who knows. There comes a point where it's not broken but still fun. As an engine, there are worse things to spend your mana on, and getting to the fuel that you really need matters. I think this card could be printed as-is.

Runners to come! @abelzumi

[anthony-sharma]

Six of Crows Reread - Ch. 15

Chapter 15: Matthias

_

“The thought to bring Nina a cup entered his head, and he crushed it. He didn’t need to tend to her or tell Brekker that she could use relief. He clenched his fingers, looking at the scabbed knuckles. She had seeded such weakness in him.”

He really cannot helo being a decent human being. And no Brum or drüskelle brainwashing could relieve him of his inherent kindness. 

“I don’t know Fjerdan, and we need the details right,” Wylan said. “Helvar should do it.” He drew back when he saw Matthias’ expression. “I’m just doing my job. Stop glaring at me.”

But doesn’t he say later on that he does know Fjerdan and even sings the Fjerdan national anthem or something of the sort? *inserts Opra’s “what is the truth?” meme*

“Part of him wondered if he could simply find a way to separate from the group once they got there, reveal their location, and thereby win his way back into the good graces of his government. Would anyone at the Ice Court even recognise him? He was probably believed to be dead, drowned in the shipwreck that had killed his closest friends and Commander Brum. He had no proof of his true identity. He would be a stranger who had no business in the Ice Court, and by the time he got anyone to listen—

“You’re holding back,” Brekker said, his dark eyes trained on Matthias.

Matthias ignored the shiver that passed through him. Sometimes it was like the demon could read minds. “I’m telling you what I know.””

I don’t remember, now that I think about it, if we got an explanation on how Brum survived the shipwreck. We know Matthias survived because he got hold of a piece of wood from the ship and had Nina’s help to get to shore, but Brum probably did not have that kind of help (unless he forced a Grisha to do it and killed him or her afterwards), so now I’m curious on how he did it. 

On another note, maybe it’s not that Kaz can read minds and more like Matthias just shows all emotions on his face? Just saying...

“Kaz sat up straighter. “Who’s watching Inej?”

“Rotty,” she said. “I’ll go back in a minute. I just needed some air. And don’t feign concern for Inej when you’re planning to send her climbing up six storeys of chimney with only a rope and a prayer.”

“The Wraith can manage it.”

“The Wraith is a sixteen-year-old girl currently lying unconscious on a table. She may not even survive the night.”

“She will,” said Kaz, and something savage flashed in his eyes. Matthias suspected that Brekker would drag the girl back from hell himself if he had to.”

Oooof, that’s rich coming from one of the only people who knows, for a fact, how physically impossible it is for Kaz not to care about Inej. But I totally also get her point that it is such a risky move, taking into account that she’s not okay yet to make such a climb and they don’t know at this point, if she’ll be okay enough to make it. 

Also, Matthias’ assessment of how Kaz would drag her back if he had to is so on point! I feel like half of him would die if Inej did too. 

“Who is Pekka Rollins?” Matthias asked, turning the ridiculous syllables over in his mouth. Kerch names had no dignity to them. He knew that the man was a gang leader and that he lined his pockets with proceeds from the Hellshow. That was bad enough, but Matthias sensed there was more.”

It’s gonna be interesting to see how they’ll handle this considering that in the show Matthias definitely knows who Pekka is. Will he fake to not know who he is? Will he provide them with information that the Crows might not know?

“What she said made sense, but it unnerved him. In Fjerda women didn’t talk this way, didn’t speak of military or strategic matters. But Nina had always been like that.

“We enter from the north as planned,” Kaz said.

Jesper knocked his head against the hull and cast his eyes heavenward. “Fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I’m going to get Wylan’s ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost.”

Brekker ’s lips quirked. “I’ll just hire Matthias’ ghost to kick your ghost’s ass.”

“My ghost won’t associate with your ghost,” Matthias said primly, and then wondered if the sea air was rotting his brain.”

I’m curious as to why he liked Nina given that she was everything that he was told to hate and not like in a Fjerdan woman. And even though he later on tried to hate those things in her, he just couldn’t do it. He admired her too much for that. 

Also, they are such children in that last scene. They are discussing how to break into a high security prison, but then talk about beating each other’s ass like it’s nothing, it’s really fascinating seeing how their brains can switch from such serious matters to the most ridiculous topics of conversation. 

Next up...we find out how Inej’s being doing through all of this craziness.

[resetting37]

perspective meme: sean - 1, 5, 8, 12

thank you !

perspective meme

Sean time !

Themselves

Sean thinks he has done nothing wrong, ever in his life.

Okay seriously, Sean has been sheltered for most of his life and the only people who ever seemed to hate him (i.e. Trinity and Advik) were seen as being in the wrong. Sean doesn't think of himself as "the best" or anything. He thinks he's doing a good job of being liked and that people should like him, but only because, in his case, he hasn't done anything to deserve hate.

(He does change his mindset about this, for worse then better, but that's for character development reasons)

He is hard on himself when he doesn't "win" (whether it be an actual competition or just a conversation) because he has always been told how good he is, so he has to uphold that ! There is a deep fear that Sean wouldn't like himself as much if he wasn't actually himself (if that makes sense) But Sean attempts to deny it, because so many good people like him, so it must be justified !

A coworker

Sean doesn't have a job, but he'd be the type of worker who does such a good job it'd raise the boss' standards on how their employees should perform, leaving any coworker of Sean's to rightfully despise him.

Which is probably why Sean doesn't have a job, he can't stand the thought of anyone despising him :-(

A psych evaluator

I feel like Sean would have one that talks to him regularly. You know, the team behind the project would love to ensure that Sean's mentally well. And like, compared to people who get to engage with others freely, Sean may not be doing so well, but he says he's fine, so it's okay !

Sean is also really good at hiding his feelings when he wants to, so he can always pretend to be fine. I think the psych evaluator would catch on that Sean isn't being truthful, but doesn't want to make the effort to push him further.

Someone on a first date with them

I think (most) people on a date with him just kind of brush his oddities off as him being lab-grown.

He's beautiful, smart, and a great listener ! What more could you want ! So what if he's weird, in fact, eating dessert first is kind of cute ! Except... maybe someone should tell him to stop putting pepper flakes into his water. And maybe he should sit across the table, not next to me. And suggesting the server to hang out after dinner ??? Unless he's suggesting what I think he's suggesting ;-)

[ultimate-blorbo-collector]

Okay, so I haven't finished the new quest yet, and I wanted to put my thoughts here so I can say I was right/wrong whatever. I've just finished where you talk with the whole Astral Express crew, and I haven't talked to them individually. I have also done like no side quests btw. I did the event with the TVs and the Meme, but that's been about it.

Spoilers for 2.0 penacony but not really for 2.1 bc I'm not that far yet.

Here's who I trust/distrust and why (also a percentage about how strong I feel about it):

Trust:

Astral Express crew - 100% - We have no reason to question them unless we think it's Sparkle in disguise. Imo Sparkle isn't that slick since I knew something was off with the Sampo in the quest (though I hear Sampo's changed recently. Idk. All ik is I heard them say Sampo instead of "Sampo Koski! :3" and I was low-key sad about it) and Sunday caught on real quick (I feel like he would have even if Robin was alive).

Black Swan - 70% - Idk man. This one's just based off pure vibes. I think she wants to help overall.

Stellaron Hunters/Elio - 50% - Unpopular opinion but hear me out. I think Kafka genuinely thinks what she's doing is right. After the Sam/Acherone conversation, I think he is also doing what he thinks is right. Would I be super surprised if we end up getting stabbed in the back? No, but I trust Sam, Kafka, and Acheron.

Acheron - 50% - I've had a real strong feeling since the beginning that she's been framed for this. Aventurine REALLY wants us to think she did it. As you can see, Aventurine is down the list, so... Also, the Sam/Acheron conversation really convinced me on it. I think she's doing what she thinks is right.

Dr. Ratio - 30% - Okay, I know that putting Ratio and Aventurine at opposite sides of this doesn't make sense but hear me out. If he was telling the truth to Screwllum, I think Ratio follows some Utilitarian ethics (as in, "It doesn't matter if I do this bad thing if the result is a net positive"), so while I think he genuinely does care about Aventurine, I think he’d throw him under the bus and do what he thinks is the net good if it came down to it. At the same time, it could be the reverse for us. The only thing is we have no clue what this mf is up to or what he's thinking. We've seen him, like, twice. I might also be biased since, like Aventurine, he's my little uwu baby who can do no wrong.

Sunday/The Family - 30% - I think March(? I don't remember who said it lol) is right about the family being low-key sketchy. The fact that they've been hiding deaths and the Meme is... eh... but overall I think they're somewhat trustworthy. It could be a 'keeping things quiet while we investigate' type of thing. We still don't know what's going in with the watchmaker and the invites though.

Misha/Clocky - 20% - Maybe this is just because of the watchmaker theories, but I feel like there's something more going on with Misha and/or Clocky. The fact that no one else can see him except us?? They've also been real quiet lately. Maybe they're just goofy side characters, or maybe not. I don't think they're bad, but I don't think they've told us everything.

Distrust:

Aventurine - 70% - I love Aventurine, and in my fanfics that I haven't posted, he's such an uwu baby who can do no wrong. BUT. I feel like the man will do anything to survive. Like Himeko and Welt said, he's very manipulative and wants us to think a certain way. I also feel like the "My schemes are out in the open" is a lie. Like, you can say your scheme is out in the open, but they might not really be in the open. I really feel like that's a logical fallacy but idk the names of the fallacies. Something also doesn't feel right working with imperialists. Sorry, Aventurine.

[legaciestold]

“I brought you some water.” (from leon for claire!)

early march 2020 noticing trauma meme@everythingheard (leon)

sometimes claire feels like she's in the twilight zone. there's elements of her life that feel so mundane again that a part of her wants to chase the feeling just to exist within it as if, with it, a sense of childish pretending can commence. as if she's always been this girl rushing to her next college course because she'd miscalculated the line at the coffee shop and not a girl who only a few months before had been in a hell on earth where the undead hunted her and she had to fight for her life. it's jarring, the normalcy of it all after being on alert for so long; as if there's a kind of disconnect between the moments that make up her day.

she laughs with her classmates as they talk amount a movie while waiting for their professor.

she startles at the sound of the door banging against the wall because the professor was carrying a bunch of items and used his foot a bit too forcefully to shove the door open.

(because a part of her knows, there is still a risk to her out there.)

claire never much cared about politics before she switched her major either, yet now she was starting to pay attention to things within the complexities of it and how it could be used to shape and change society. she was happy to be back in school even if her major was different now but was ever aware that it also brought her one step closer to fulfilling a deal that she still wasn't quite sure what would look like. (she could make a difference with it though. maybe she could be a small part of something that could stop history from repeating and that mattered even if it'd come about because of a deal she still held unease about.) but, she also knew her deal looked a lot better than leon's. she was allowed some semblance of normalcy while he wasn't. not right now at least, unless you counted them as a sliver of normal (maybe they were, in a way, some piece of life and hope that wasn't ripped from them). it wasn't fair, the paths they were being placed on but at least.. at least they were trying to make the most of it.. together. that mattered too.

but that was the other thing: leon.

they'd gone about things so backwards, really. risked their lives for each other before they knew one another, lived together before they had feelings for each other, slept in the same bed before they'd even kissed... and now he was off enduring training that was beating him down to build him back up while she was going to school and expected to be normal and missing him like she imagined those wives that lined up on base as their husbands went off to deployment must have always felt when they returned home after to an empty bed. her nineteen-year-old (going on twenty) life wasn't anything like she imagined it'd be anymore than leon was the kind of guy she'd thought herself falling for when she'd briefly dated in high school (not that that really counted when nothing had ever gotten passed making out at the movies and breaking up two weeks later). but it was how things had played out and claire couldn't really imagine her life without leon in it and a part of her was still trying to sort out how she felt about that.

she'd never felt so strongly about someone before.

maybe it was some weird combination of her first real experience with a significant relationship even if they hadn't really been on any actual official date yet and the fact that in over three months she'd spent more time with him than she thinks she'd ever had with another person outside of chris. claire worried earlier on that maybe it was a kind of co-dependence brought on by trauma and maybe a part of it was but at some point it'd become something else, something more. they knew each other in a way she wasn't sure other people knew them. they'd shared things they never shared with anyone else. they felt safe together in a world that no longer felt safe.

perhaps that's why, the moment temporary housing had been set up for her so she could start classes at the new school on time until something else was sorted since apparently the dorms weren't deemed secure enough, she'd given leon the key to it when she'd went to see him the one time they'd actually let her go see him during training thus far. it wasn't like they did anything in order and it wasn't as if they were moving in together (besides who knew how long his training would take) but there was a comfort in the acceptance of the access. that if for some reason he decided to show up at three in the morning unannounced, she trusted him and was okay with that. it meant, there was a kind of home they'd found in each other and frankly, it wasn't as if he actually had his own apartment yet (or that she did, this was temporary). he'd gone right to training in the aftermath of their capture, or well, a week or so later. it meant 'as long as we stick together, we'll be fine'; that even if they weren't going to see each other everyday like they had up until she'd been captured by umbrella, that it wasn't going to be goodbye or a disconnect. we're in this together. that's what it felt like and claire hoped he took comfort in that as much as she did.

that comfort doesn't make her restlessness any better though, once she's back 'home' after classes and finished her homework and is sitting on the couch with the news playing in the background and her cup of soda clattering to the floor because the news is talking about raccoon again but they are talking about umbrella too this time and the government and there's been a data leak and she's not sure she's heard much after that but the few images they do show after a viewer caution are seared in her mind both from memory and from seeing it again. she certainly doesn't remember falling asleep or passing out on the couch at some point (an hour? hours? minutes?) later though there's evidence that her staying on the couch at night is more normal than it should be. she doesn't sleep in the bed in the bedroom because it's too far from the door if someone breaks in and she wouldn't hear them until it was too late and despite her being fully capable of defending herself, leon used to sleep on the side closest to the door in those shitty motels just in case someone tried to get at them or sherry. and the bed feels too cold in a way.. her nightmares that still plague her finding her. they find her on the couch too but it's different, the couch doesn't feel like something's missing from the equation. and claire doesn't linger on the fact the nightmares are worse and that it might be because she'd grown so used to a warmth being there to help chase them away and it hasn't been there. she doesn't like that some part of her craves that warmth to such a degree as if she can't support herself when she can.

but..

maybe there was a kind of strength in knowing one didn't want to face demons alone too. and things were still so fresh. trauma took time to recover from.

claire also doesn't remember that leon texted her they were going to let him have an extremely brief leave from the confines of the base for the first time though later she'll think maybe it had been supposed to start the next day. regardless, on this specific day, as the tv is still on and talking about revelations made because of how impacting such things are, the day's shows being run over by news reports, she's unaware of the door opening or that she's neck deep in the worst nightmare she's had since that first night after raccoon that they hadn't just passed out and actively tried to sleep until she feels warmth awakening her and for just a split second she forgets she's not back in a shitty motel. there's no panic in her awakening like there might be had it been someone else because some part of her body automatically knows that warmth. but there is labored breathing, her coming down from the images in her dreams.

his voice finds her as a glass is placed in her hands and it alarms her that he'd been there long enough to get it with her none the wiser. that shouldn't have been able to happen, she knew better than to let her guard down. what if it hadn't been leon? still, claire takes a sip, the coolness of it awakening her to the reality of the moment. then she hands it back to him to place on the coffee table, her eyes trying to focus to see if it was still daytime or had found it's way into late evening. "maybe i'm the one that should be going to boot camp. i'd have been taken out before i could have even gotten to the knife between the cushions." she states, an air of frustration at herself, because it's totally normal that a nineteen-year-old should be worrying about that. yet she continues.

"glad it's you, though. i missed you." she tells him, her hand reaching to touch his arm. "but you didn't go awol right? because if you did, i'm going to need at least five minutes to come up with a diversion in case this place is being monitored for our get away. i feel like that's the kind of message chris would have had nightmares about a few years ago, his sister running off with a runaway soldier." but all joking aside, claire would, wouldn't she? if leon asked her to. she kind of feels like that kind of intensity should scare a normal person, but maybe she stopped being normal from the first moment the face of the undead turned to look at her.