#you wont get to see the extent of my obsession for you girls

[twofacedtitan]

About my girls 💚

I think my best friends are the most beautiful girls in the world. All their "imperfections" sit perfectly on them. When they sing, I try to drown out the music to listen to them. When they join in the laughter I hold my breath to look at how wide they're smiling. When we're walking side by side, I purposefully bump into their arms to see the bounce in their step when they turn to look at me and ask what I wanted to say. I say I didn't have anything to say and that it was an accident and then look at the flow of their hairs when they turn back to the conversation they we're holding with the friend on the other side. When they talk to me, I find myself studying their faces, the movement of their eyes and eyebrows. Sometimes I have to ask them to repeat themselves because of that.

And after school, each four of us having gone out separate ways, one of them probably playing thumb war with her brother on the backseat of the car, another one waiting for the train and the other in the frontseat of her mother's car singing along to White Lies, me at my workdesk (I always get home before them) staring at the limits worksheet on my computer, I think about them. I open Google docs and make them the fearless one woman army with a sword on fire, the bounty hunter that rides a lilac dragon and the fairy princess that holds all music inside her wings, all of them protagonists of a fantasy. I make them the sensible, the sceptical and the compassionate goddesses and queens of a hundred civillizations I imagine. To be by their side, I make myself the witch with a thousand spell and alchemy books, the charming muse of the smaller temple, the travelling Oracle that reads their dreams and brings then their good fortune.

Even when only one of them trusts me to know the timing to cross the street just as the light turns red and the other two stay behind shaking their heads. Even when only one of them wants to go to the playground for kids half out age and do stupid stuff that makes the other two joke about not even knowing us. Even when only one of them sings along to the funny songs by kids' artists that I put on when it's all to silent and the other two ask us to lowers the volume. Even in those moments when they frown and roll their eyes and look exasperated, even then, I love them to the marrow.

So, to you, sensible warrior, thank you for following to the lunch table on that first day of school. And to you, sceptical hunter and compassionate fairy, thank you for letting us sit next to you at that lunch table.

[kamiversee]

oh em gee this whole fic has such a grasp on me??? i literally read this in one go and i have never felt more emotions in one sitting. AND HELLO? GOJO? CHOSO? who do i pick fr😝 but trust me its only because of how you write gojo because if this was a real life situation, i’m sending him to a fucking psychologist.

Anywho, I love how beautifully written your writing is to the point where it feels like I’m watching a MOVIE. I never want this fic to end and it’s definitely one of my favorites so far! Now, to talking about gojo and choso😈

I genuinely am so torn between the two. I know Gojo is straight up an obsessive manipulative weirdo who people try so hard to defend even though what he’s doing is so wrong?? and im not even gonna lie, sometimes i want to agree with them bc cmon..its my blue eyed princess :( and can you blame us when the way you write him is so core throbbing?? But regardless, I guess I have some sort of self respect to realize he’s very much CRAZY. But I still really want there to be a happy ending where he’s involved. I just really can’t help feeling like I need to defend gojo and his actions but i wont because yeah he’s terrribleeee😭 part of me still wants gojo=endgame though!

BUTTTTT, that does not mean we have to drag my beautiful husband choso down with us ?? Cmon now you guys, yes the tattoo was a little off and the apartment thing was a lill sus but choso still offered to get the tattoo removed AND there could be a reasonable explanation as to how he got back inside mc’s apartment. You gojo girlies just want to defend gojo so bad that you think flaming on my silly little guy choso will help with proving your delusions🙄.

AND WOOOW THIS RECENT CHAPTER?? Gojo almost made me feel bad for him..until he thought about blackmailing us again?? Like sir. And then that little moment with lord core throbber sukuna?? That was so very wholesome. Talking about wholesome, choso is just such a sweet boy isnt he?☹️ I am a choso defender for life, especially after how he talks to the reader. Also, I don’t really know what to make of Yuki and Choso..like i get what reader must be feeling but wasn’t she just kissing gojo like a second ago? But i can see where she’s coming from especially after having to put her feelings for gojo aside just so she can finally be with Choso and then she finds out that he’s hanging around with a girl he used to fuck around with? It’s all very very interesting indeed. AND KAMI. THE CLIFFHANGER?😓 I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT IM GOING INSANEEE.

Anyways, enough of my rant❤️ and can i claim “🐼” anon?

-🐼

Oh how I eat these long messages UPPPPP😩

1. TYSM IM GLAD U ENJOYED !!

2. I love that this felt like a movie for you, I personally ADORE movies & entertainment so it rlly strikes my heart nicely that I was able to give you tht feel through my silly lil fic <3

3. Gojo girlies are insane, there’s absolutely no saving or getting through to them.

And 4. The parallels babes, the parallels. Just as Gojo is to the reader, the reader is to Choso (to some extent)

& OFC U CAN CLAIM THT ANON ITS SO CUTE >.<

[lindszeppelin]

the anons about resenting Austin. I get it, but I think we need to give him some grace. Austin to me seems very naive to some extent and a little to trusting of people. I am not trying to talk down to him , but it does seem that way. I also feel that he may have issues with being alone. He is basically by himself in California from what I see. Both his Dad and sister dont live in there anymore. When you're lonely sometimes it makes you lower your standards and tolerate shit that you typically wont. Austin has also talked about how being lonely can get to you as well back when he was doing his Elvis press. And when he did you can tell it hurt. So i think it something he genuinely struggles with. Kaia saw that and preyed on that. But that clearly has back fired on her considering the girl has to do the devil's work to make it seems like her and Austin are the "real deal". Austin will wake up one day and be out of this and we will see him with his special someone. We gotta give it time. We also gotta stop letting these shippers get to us too. Majority of them are young girls who never really been in a relationship like that. They live through Kaia and project and see themselves in her, which explains why they get so worked up about them as a couple. Getting angry when weird shit gets called out and do not get me going about the obsession they with him putting a ring on it. They legit act like its their relationship you are insulting. This to shall pass and Austin will find his queen and watch his energy be like night and day vs how he is with Kaia. When a man is in love, you know, especially when he sees her as his wife. If Austin wanted to fuck with Kaia like that we would know and there will be nothing to prove like these shippers be out here trying to do, its why they make everything about her. A fully grown ass 30 something year old man and they act like his life revolves around a girl who is a decade younger than him. Sorry for the long ass message i just wanted to get this out lol

hell yes anon this and all of this are exactly my sentiments. we do need to give Austin grace. i hate to sound like a broken record with that one, but i do say it all the time because it's true. he is human like everyone else, and as humans we are subject to the traumas we have been dealt with in life and we also sometimes make poor decisions. but if we don't fail then we will never learn, and we will never know what true success looks like if we don't make a lot of mistakes first. so i agree 100%. just give it time and we gotta let things play out. i can understand why some people are annoyed or upset with Austin, but give him love and support his career. he is such a nice person, and people like him are perfect people to prey upon by crocodiles lurking in the water that is hollywood y'know.

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

Hi Charlie,

I don’t even know what to say. I guess nothing changes. Maybe my brain has become more aware but I still haven’t changed. I am still alone and have no self-esteem or power to change myself or my life. I’m the same girl who wrote to you when I was 14, 15, 16 ect. Except now im 22 and the pain of my wasted youth/life and seeing time slip away everyday has turned into a dull aching pain that has only been compartmentalized to the extent it has because ive been so numbed out on meds. After coming off them for the first time in 9 years (big fucking mistake) my mind is a mess. What is life when the whole thing has been one big thing to survive. Thats what life is, something to survive. As much as I am thankful to fantasies for getting me through, im now digested by it. I’ve never even kissed someone. I have no confidence and have always hated how I look. Im used to having no control but right now it feels scary. Thats why I left school. When im not on the meds, I feel like im going to day because I cant escape. Thats all I know how to do. Im going to go back on. I don’t give a shit about being exhausted all day or any other side effects I want to be numb forever. Thats the only way to survive.

I will be chasing love I will never get, I’m a fucking masochist of life. I obsess over people who cant give me what I want and I long for shit that’s not real. My life is a lie. Life is a lie. All I do is lie. Even after disconnecting myself from my brain over the last few years, what has really changed Absolutely nothing. I don’t think I would ever want to go experience the pain I felt in high school because that was terrifying and bloody and I trusted myself least of all. However, I think there was still some genuine dreams and things I thought could happen and be real. At least I had a fucking identity in being a teenage girl. Every moment was painful but it was real. I’ve always been burnt out but Ive become beyond used to it. Like im trying to prepare myself for this forever, which repulses me. I have nothing in me to change it though. The pain and abuse and past is too much, it wont let go of me and I cant let go of it. As much as I am so grateful for the meds I also don’t know if im really me on them. Then again, I have 0 fucking idea who I am and am not sure Ive ever known. What do you do when all you’ve known, your entire life, has been running and that deep physical pain running through your nerves when you fight tears, and being told you don’t matter and your thoughts don’t matter and what you want doesn’t matter. I want to know someone like me. Who hasn’t lived a real life. Who’s youth has been the ashes of my potential. What do you do when you’ve never tried things because you don’t think you can. What do you do when regret has ruined you and made you a bitter cannon of blood and bones. Im tired of telling myself that its good I haven’t experienced anything romantic ever because it has allowed me to avoid that kind of hurt. 8 year old fantasies, 17 year old fantasies and 22 year old fantasies are all the same. The things I wish could have happened aren’t dulled, they haven’t changed, and I don’t think they can, they cant. There is no saving and no savior. Its just survival, always have been always will be. Im tired of my friends and im tired that so many of them don’t even know what pain is and what surviving is. They don’t question things and experience normalcy daily. I know normalcy doesn’t exist but there’s levels to everything. Im mad at them. Im mad at everyone. I hate everyone for not loving me like I love them. All I do is wait for you to be here so I can see you but you don’t care because you have a life. I don’t. How am I supposed to when life is survival. Im so tired. Im so tired. Im so fucked. Im so fucked up.

I love you and I really fucking miss you. Wish we could go back.

Sincerely,

girl under the magnolia blossom tree. They fall down so quickly don’t they?

[kazuwhora]

🎃 Leaving this emoji here so I know it's me

can I get a matchup?

I'm an INFP Gemini, 1.57m, and I use any pronouns, mostly they/them and she/her

I'm really pale and I wear glasses 24/7 bc without them I can only see things up to 10cm away from me.

my hair is wavy (the kind that if I don't style it correctly it will get straight but a frizzy kind of straight) and I keep changing it all the time.

I've had pink/blue hair, purple/blue, blonde ends, only pink, ginger for 2 years and now it's bright red. normally i like to let it grow and then cut it short, same with my bangs. so there's a lot of combinations here.

I love my hair and I take care of it obsessively, not only mine but my friend's too baji drop your hair care routine

what else... ?

you know that person that is in college but everyone assumes they're on middle school bc they look 13 and act like they're lost everyday everywhere like wth is going on? that's literally me everyone thinks I'm 13 I'm 19 people asked me if I'm a teacher's child too many times now it was getting annoying now being baby-faced is my personal joke

my body is??? hourglass shaped?? I guess?? I'm not thin enough to tell exactly

my back and shoulders are quite large bc I used to swim when I was little, now I take dance classes so all my body strength is in the lower part of my body ((bitch im thicc 😎😎

art I general is my hobbie, so dancing and singing and painting are my thing

I also used to take fighting classes when I was younger but my parents only took me for three months and then they stopped bc I would be wanting to fight god and the world

i still want to fight god and the world but now I don't have the tools to do so. how unfortunate.

I dress mostly in what makes me feel confortable? crop tops shorts and slippers every day. if not, hoodies and baggy pants. all black with rainbow socks.

about my personality I'm just-- idk?

bleh?

my whole childhood I was just the smart kid and now I'm not so I don't have a sense of personality.

my friends say that I have strong opinions and don't hold back

which is kinda true?

I do have a sense of justice and I will defend it until the end and somedays I will step up and defend them with words and physically if I have to.

but most of the time i just don't have a filter

most of the time my Inside Outs are staring into space like 😐 and just letting everything happen. so will say something like "Thats dumb. you can do better. I respect that you have a opinion. but I think your opinion is dumb" while having no expression in my face. I'll notice 3 seconds later how RUDE that was and start laughing bc omg that was mean.

other days I'm just a fleeing sunlight being excited about everything like a child would.

idk what else to say

my favorite avenger is natasha, I love genshin albedo my beloved rerun when, loona stan. lactose intolerant but I don't give a shit bc I love ice cream.

I feel like I talked so much but didn't say anything. cool. I'm awful at talking about myself but I tried.

bye 💜

ok so one of my best friends (probably my only friend ngl) is an infp and I feel like struggling with defining your personality is 100% an infp thing but u did a good job and ty for providing me with so much information!!!

im definitely matching you up with hanma idc if you love him or hate him this a ship I can get behind 👏🏻

first of all lets both take a moment to appreciate how fucking hot that man is like god fucking DAMN that first picture never fails to get me smfh

second of all. ur an infp. hanma is an entp. y'all have barely anything in common cognitively and its fucking AMAZING. I live for infp (and also intp for u intps there) and entp ships because the way that us entp's are in nature is completely opposite from an infp, while still sharing the perception function that allows both types to understand each other to some extent that just makes for a really fun match ok?? trust me on this.

he is obsessed with your individuality. as an extravert, not only does hanma benefit from your ability to access an introverted aspect that works to ease him from the burnout extraverts can face when they are unable to enable an introverted mindset every now and then, but he also learns to laugh both with you and at you- and genuinely. like you make him laugh. he thinks you're hilarious and as an entp who are typically known to be a little self obsessed, he didn't think it was possible to think anyone was hilarious except himself? he's like damn this girl is really like a kinder surprise.

he also really loves your art and finds that he's a little annoyed that he's not artistically inclined so he'll beg you to paint something for him and he wont stop until you do. just dont paint an ugly portrait of him on purpose or he's gonna get butthurt about it going on about how "damn is this how you see me?? </3 rip me I guess" and he wont shut up about it until you make it up to him and apologize for making a mean joke.

and then he just makes a joke towards you that's like 10x meaner and he WONT apologize for it. wallow in the revenge because its not going to end anytime soon.

lets be honest tho, when the two of you are together around others its a little overwhelming for people. hanma's entp-ness really brings out a side of you that leans on the extroverted side. you feed off his energy and the two of you are lowkey a little mean to people. but they deserve it, right? its their fault for being idiots. you enable each other hardcore here but its fine. they all know you're just being you and hanma is happy to have someone on his side.

you and hanma can fight god together btw <3 he's a little delulu

[onf-headcanons]

ONF IN PSYCHO PASS AU (PART 3)

Setting : angst, murder (influenced mass murder), futuristic society, you can read the introduction post prior reading this AU headcanon (for a better understanding cos some keywords will be slightly difficult for non anime audiences)

And warning long post and shipping hinting (I wont write it over explicit but if you are anime audience you can get the hint of which character I based so its suggestive should you integrated anime counterpart to ONF couterpart) if you are uncomfortable with that just kindly ignore it. Only adding it not just because to follow original series but also for the AU/headcanon storyline conflict purposes

Below is the known situation when the story starts in Yuto's POV

Yuto - Inspector

Changyoon - Inspector

Hyojin - Enforcer former Inspector

Jaeyoung - Enforcer

Minkyun - Analyst

Seungjun & Minseok - dead

And again sorry if its messy (Cos mainly I just want this AU to exist and making it to a birthday gift for myself XD)

The whole structure is followed the anime,but I will skip filler/solo case episodes and fast paced-ify to focus on main storyline. Also I will tweak my words/wordings to a more simpler format so that I wont cause you all headache.

1-6

(loosely based on episode 9)

Due to recent events, Hyojin felt that Yuto need to get an upgrade on his skills of being an Inspector. He has good hunch but he still needs a proper profiling skills. Yuto mentioned that he did get to learn profiling skills on his training but both his seniors felt it is not enough because of his inexperience.

Even though a bit apologetic, Changyoon agrees with Hyojin that Yuto need to catch up to obtain veteran skills as soon as possible. (He only joined 8 months ago) . They both have the same person in mind who could help.

It is off day for Yuto, so Hyojin arranged them two to go visit a former professor of training academy.

The former professor is nice enough to agree on giving Yuto a crash course in profiling and extra tips for observant skills. Back in office, Changyoon advises Yuto that he better be careful and Yuto has to keep his own stance when approaching with people like their professor.

"One must have their own clarity so that their hue does not get clouded by others easily." Changyoon says to Yuto with a stern look. Yuto understands Changyoon's points.

And since they got their young culprit for previous case, CID tries to interrogate her. Changyoon and Jaeyoung tried to talk with the young girl during Hyojin and Yuto's absence but fruitless.

But when Yuto goes into the room to give it a try, the girl starts to open her mouth but not confessing or revealing details. Instead she made a request while looking at the one way mirror behind Yuto.

"That man with red hair, he is your dog isn't it?" the girl's choice of word made Yuto uncomfortable. "I will only speak to him alone if you allow me to, no cameras, no writings and no one behind the mirror."

That request was bizarre, the whole CID understands the risk of doing that as well. Jaeyoung also offers to step up and increase the interrogation with a bit of violence, but being rejected by Yuto. "She has kept quiet for that long and you think suddenly change interrogation tactic after request was made will let her mouth loose? I don't think so." Yuto tries to convinceJaeyoung.

Minkyun is worried, not about Hyojin's interrogation skills, but should there is something deeper, he is worried that Hyojin might get caught up into it. The only thing that can save CID and Hyojin from trouble was digital record of what happen in the room, be it video or audio.

Hyojin only pats Minkyun's shoulder and gives him a reassuring smile. And then gives Changyoon and Yuto both a nod before heading out the monitor room.

"Don't get clouded and played by the criminal, Hyojin." Changyoon blurts out his concern before Hyojin's presence exits entirely from the space the team was in.

Hyojin unplugs the surveillance camera and to let the young criminal feels assured, Hyojin brought in a few piece of papers and tape to tape up the one way mirror so that those who are behind it could not see what is happening inside.

Outside/behind the one way mirror, Changyoon is letting out sighs of regret of letting Hyojin going in alone and without any record to be left. Is not that he does not trust him, but since the system views Hyojin as delusional, how much of Hyojin they can trust without going against the system? He is worried to the extent he is rubbing his stomach due to gastric. Yuto notices that but Changyoon brushes him off and endure it alone.

Meanwhile Jaeyoung and Minkyun agreed that tech department should come up with a mini audio recorder that wont gain suspicions

Back in the interrogation room, Hyojin finally sits in front of the girl who is smiling eerily towards him. Hyojin did not back off, but he is not with his bright persona and his tone is cold as he speaks, "So, I heard you wish to talk to me? "

The girl leans forward, still smiling while contemplating at Hyojin's face. "Yes, I have been dying to see you in person." she whispers. "If I remembers precisely, Hyojin? Am I right?"

Hyojin's hunch starts to alert him, he does not like this. He clearly understood immediately that the girl is trying to get on the upper hand for the interaction. But he persuaded himself that his name might have been leaked during the process of catching their culprit, could be his colleague or Changyoon calling him and the girl heard it, happens occasionally.

But he quickly adjusted his mentality. He raises an eyebrow and leans closer towards the girl, "So you go through all the length just to get caught and meet me? I don't think I have that kind of charisma though..."

The girl lifts her hand and rest a side of her cheek on her knuckles/back of her hand, her eyes were still locked with Hyojin's. " You underestimated yourself, mister." she hisses. "And no, I let myself got caught because I still wanted to live."

Hyojin is not a fool and by that phrase, he can tell there is someone behind the young criminal from her words. And this smart minor, is trying to seek refuge from CID/Bureau. What kind of existence behind her, so frightening that even a murderer with a grotesque MO felt intimidated? Or was it because she is still a kid?

"Now that is rude," the girl breaks of the silence, "To go off into your own train of thoughts while ignoring a young lady in front of you."

Hyojin knew he is busted but he still kept his cool and poker face. He was an Inspector/detective before though. "My bad." Hyojin apologies while mirroring her posture and smiles at her fondly. "So why do you even wanted to see me anyways? "

"That's because I heard a lot about you. To the extent that my ears are going to bleed." she replies. "It was boring listening to it, while I do hope he talk about himself more."

Hyojin raises a corner of his lip and mutters. "Are you sure it's fine for you to drop hints like that?"

The girl only laughs and pushes her upper body backwards, her back comes contact to the back rest of the chair she is sitting. "That is to make sure you are paying attention."

"So how is he like?" Hyojin asks with a interested expression.

The young girl's smiles broaden as she thinks of the said person. "Brilliant. smart and handsome. " Her smile vanishes as she continues, "But my instincts tells me that you definitely wouldn't want to get to his bad side."

"Is he your partner in crime? " Hyojin asks and the girl shakes her head.

"More like a consultant or a middle person. "

"How did you come in contact with such dangerous existence?" Hyojin tries to sound as concerned as possible. "Is it group?"

The girl shakes her head again and starts to tell her story how she met her consultant for crime at school. He approached her during her own free time drawing in the art classroom. (This part you can follow anime where Makishima interacts with the young girl)

"Why are you betraying him now?" Hyojin asks after he listened.

"I put all the pieces together and I figured out that, you, could be his weakness." She smiles at Hyojin again. "Its a woman's instinct and I am pretty accurate for most of the times." She winks at Hyojin while at it.

"How so? Was it something he said about me?" Hyojin tries to sound that he is intrigued.

"The context since its vague. For most of the times, he goes Hyojin once said blah blah blah... or Hyojin once did blah blah.." the girl mentions " But I can tell that he cares about you a whole lot."

"He tried to tell me some stories in one go everytime he monitors me doing my work but I could not focus to all of it because I was busy cutting up my artwork, I only remembered how he laughed when he said you are a red-hair maniac." the girl recalls. "And that is how I recognized you."

"Did he showed you a picture of me?" Hyojin chuckles

"No, " she retorts, "He said you will never lost your love towards dying your hair red. Never once he met someone in his whole life has such obsession with dying their hair red. Should the two of meet again, he is confident to recognise you instantly."

Hyojin could not help feeling confused, his circle was not large and once he has turned into Enforcer, his ties were all cut and he is living in seclusion/under confinement by the system. So who is this someone who seems to know about him in a personal level?

Noticed that Hyojin is perplexed, the girl suddenly laughs.

"Oh dear, could it be you don't even know who he is???" She laughs while hitting the table lightly with her fist. "Oh my, what drama is this!"

"Looks like you got a fan, mister! An obsessed one." She exclaims while giggling at her thoughts. "Awwww....I feel very much sorry for him now. I was being slightly jealous but now...hahahahah"

This does not make any sense to Hyojin at all. There are so many criminals out there but this criminal mastermind admires a plain Enforcer like him with 0 notable committed crime, to the extent of executing a psycho hazard?

Hyojin decided to drop the act and asks the girl in a straight face who the hell is the person who told the girl about himself

The girl still finds the whole situation amusing , nearly laugh her heart out. She catches her breath while Hyojin patiently waits for his answer.

"I will tell you his name, he calls himself J-US." She wipes the tears rolling from her eyes due to laughing too much. "Does it ring any bell?" the girl questions Hyojin.

No it doesn't. But Hyojin regains his cool.

"I met a lot of people in my life, it will take some time eventually." Hyojin shrugs his shoulder.

"You'd better," the girl inhales before she tells Hyojin. "Poor him if you never remembers."

The girl then ends the topic by telling Hyojin that she will cooperate about her MO/crime. But what she told Hyojin in that room, is only for him exclusively.

"I don't think anyone will believe you if you told them that you got a fan." The girl's smile is back to the eerie vibe just like the moment when Hyojin comes into the room.

Hyojin leaves the room, closes the door and frowns as he goes into his train of thoughts again...

Who is this J-US?

Is the girl even telling the truth?? They never talked about the possibility of a mastermind in front of her so why did she and why can she see through CID's concern, found a perfect timing to prove the existence of a criminal mastermind?

And why she deliberately shared about this J-US to Hyojin only and purposely does not want it to be recorded?

Did she and the criminal mastermind behind wanted CID to break and having distrust amongst themselves? (If so its a smart move considering Changyoon's attitude towards Hyojin)

And should Hyojin told Changyoon about this J-US, will Changyon believe in him? Hyojin's hunch told him no.

And the most important point of all,

DOES THIS J-US ACTUALLY HAVE ANY THING TO DO WITH THE TERROR ATTACK FROM 2 YEARS AGO??

To be continued at part 4

[mamusings]

Having let the 15 x 18 percolate I started to watch again s23 and ep 1-6 of 15. Basically everything available. I'd gotten tired of feeling toyed with and feeling gaslit when trying to get confirmation from reviews for what I felt I was seeing. Ita very rarely in the dialogue but just in the eye lines and symbolically sometimes in the parallel plots.

Anyway: season 14 is a joy really. The beothere have grown up. I had been dishing the endless desperate loop of I d die for you wearing thin. Sam is basically cooked. A leader in the best sense (using his intelligence and his empathy). Dean accepts it even tho it's a bit new to him not being the boss. (The dialogue on chief)

We get that recognition more explicitly here that I found in my reviews of the early seasons that these are 2 very different men but now they have a degree of comfort and space in that that eluded them. They allow each other to be.

Which brings me to my predictions. Sam may be cooked but Dean isnt. Hes still not worked out who he is and how to have what he wants (cas basically).

So is Dean in love with Cas. Absolutely, i think this has been shown in subtext much more clearly than is Cas in love with Dean (I mean romantically/sexually). With Cas we see loyalty, devotion and affection. For an angel what does love mean? I was never quite sure. Does he want an actual relationship with Dean?

Dean's easier hes clearly incredibly attracted excited fascinated by cas in the initial phase. Then you get the affection, the liking, protectiveness. High point purgatory. Also devotedness.

In later seasons we get heartbroken widower and the co-parents/husbands. Plus their fights start to look more like a bickering couple that anything else.

So I am absolutely convinced that Dean is in love with cas.

But how aware is Dean of how he feels? I think hes so scared if being rejected by cas he can barely admit this to himself. Its telling Michael doesnt know how Dean feels about Cas. Theres lots of gay couples in the background by s23 early e15. I'd say it's an indicator Dean knows hed like to be with cas. Theres been no on screen hook ups for Dean (although there are references). But what we get now is acknowledging that a large part of Dean's flirting is social behaviour rather than sexual intent. It's nice, its charming but he doesnt mean it. (Pamela). So at some level Dean knows he wants to be together with Cas. He knows what he has with Cas. (Telling John he has a family - ok that goes wider than Cas but in my view early spn is Dean trying to grown beyond his father having the white picket fence and the girl always felt like something Dean felt he should want rather than something he really did want. The relationship with lisa is framed with lots of doing the chores and proper manly chores at that)

But I do think Dean knows how he feels. We are back to him having dialogue with Sam (Jess even comes up) with that typical early destiel trope of shots of Dean where I think the implication is that Dean is thinking about the same subject matter in relation to cas.

Sam knows but I think the malak box incident re Dean shows us that Sam knows when not to push Dean. He offers opportunities to open up but he doesnt push his brother. Like I said they get each other better now. It's not like when john dies and sam is pushing and pushing for a conversation. Now as cas and Dean's relationship falls apart we get a lot of pained reaction shots from sam. Just like we sometimes get the oh just kiss already smirk in earlier seasons. Sam doesn't understand why this relationship doesnt progress but he respects both cas and dean and doesnt meddle. I think when dean comes our Sam will be pivotal support.

What's interesting is that e15 as far as I have seen it seems to mirror early spn. Dean is mirroring his father. Obsessed with revenge at all costs. Neglecting love and relationships. The brothers are regressing into their old.relationship patterns under stress of mary dying with Dean taking up his rage filled leadership.role again. But the wierd thing is the endless we dont have a choice. Its tfw they have choice, they are all about choice. In fact Cas is choice embodied. He shouldn't have choice but he does. And over the seasons since the soul consumption he has grown remarkably in handling choices. To the extent that at the end of s14 he no longer refers to Dean's choice making on Jack. That's happened before with Kelly but then it was more ambiguous cos it got Cas dead. Then it was faith, he believes I Jack. With the malak box and Jack its ethics. Cas has grown up. Right through s14 its striking how wise he is, how he draws on experience and knowledge to counsel those around him.

I think there is a sharing of power, of burden, to come. The narrative of we shoulder all this so everyone.else can live the cute life we cant will be transformed. Basically buffy final season.

Cas professing his love for Dean. And by preparing what he wants is something he cant have I think is a totally non ambiguous profession of romantic and sexual love. He has friendship with Dean, he has family. What cas thinks he cant have is more that that. So without the fear of rejection Dean's wall can come down. I'm not sure how aware he is of what he feels because Dean can ne a dumbass, but he definitely feels it. Sam knows and will help once Dean opens up. That will take a while because Dean doesnt open up easily.

And finally a comment on the crying which oddly isnt in many of the fan vids. I think jensen is a great actor when it comes to emotional crying scenes. But we should appreciate that so far we have had weeping - tear tracks slowly with big exposition or dealing with grief wiping at his eyes. Or the meltdown, high octane crying very distressed generally life or death shit with Sam and a lot of emotion. We have never seen Dean crying into his hands like that. Curled up, despairing. I think that's another indicator that Dean absolutely knows how he feels about cas.

One final thing. Cas will be back, we wont have Dean at the end of spn with6the person he loves. Either in this world.or another its gonna happen.

Another thing I suspect is that we see with jack that while cas is the great reliable advice parent he cant bond as quickly emotionally as Dean. Its Dean who, when hes minded has the talent of emotional connection in a way cas and sam dont. The fishing expedition shows us that. Dean has the most trou ped connection to Jack, hes hated him wanted him dead. But hes also the one who gets the sunlit upland of fishing. Same as cas is the one who loves unconditionally when Mary is killed. He hugs jack. So when dean is ready to love cas publicly i think it wont be a huge thing of awkward shuffling feet. It'll be Dean doing what hes good at, loving people, but doing it with cas.

Ok I've only watched til episode 6. Gonna avoid spoilers from noe on and cross my fingers. Cant wait to watch it all.

#spn #supernatural #destiel #deancas

[masterhandss]

I wanna know more about the guys. Don't get me wrong I like that the anime focuses a lot on the girls. But the guys who are ironically te main LI's in game are just kinda dragged around for harem purposes. We don't know anything about things that are actually unique to them their hobbies,interests(save for Alan and his music but that's about it,it seems) We know that Mary has her gardening, Sophia loves literature and romance novels, Maria has baking,Katarina agriculture and a vegetable garden

Hahaha yeah, I kinda get how that feels. When it comes to personal hobbies and interests (likes and dislikes), I guess Alan really takes the cake here on the boys’ side because he has an interest outside of Katarina (Geordo has “interesting things” listed as something he likes, but that just leads us back to Katarina so it doesn’t really count). Though now that you point it out, it is interesting to know that the girls all have interests that are linked to them, but the boys don’t really have any?? kinda??

Alan has his music, but the other three boys are kind of just presented with things related to Katarina (Geordo with his magic and snacks for Katarina, Nicol with the Devilish Count attire and the veggie bundle that Katarina gives him, and Keith with his Earth Dolls, Maria’s handkerchief (which idk why that’s even there) and keys??). I can’t be bothered to find any other merchandise that is presented this way but for all the girls and Alan, it’s pretty consistent.

I don’t really play any otome games (I’d love to though) so I’m not sure how far they go when it comes to developing the love interests, but since hamefura is about Sorcie being beyond an otome game, it does feel rather lacking that we don’t have much about the boys. The focus is put so much into the boy’s interest in Katarina that they don’t have too much outside of their backstory, personality and magic type.

Volume 5 does inform us that Keith likes studying magic and Nicol likes relaxing times, but to some extent you can still trace that back to Katarina (Relaxing times, since Nicol is most relaxed around people that he doesn’t need to please and aren’t interacting with him with ulterior motives; and Studying magic so he can control it and not hurt anyone). Geordo doesn’t even really gain anything new from this information. I feel like Alan was spared of this treatment just because having something that makes him unique compared to his twin brother is important to his character. I don’t want to take away the author’s efforts on providing interests for the boys in this volume, but I do feel bad for people like anon over here who might be looking for things that can relate them to the boys. I guess it’d be hard to connect with the boys if all they care about is Katarina.

Maybe it’s some sort of meta commentary about how the author wants to avoid having us find things that will endear us personally to the boys (aka their interests, personal goals, tastes, etc) by only giving aspects of themselves that can be traced back to Katarina? Because they literally only have eyes for her? I mean the description above does apply to the hamefura boys, not the Fortune Lover boys so hahaha idk. I feel like i’m trying to find an excuse for that mistake/laziness. I doubt my own assumption though, since something like that might ruin the boys’ marketability (or not? I don’t know hahaha)

As much as I’m happy that each girl has an interest that helps define them, the fact that they never get developed beyond that does seem like a bummer. It's hard to praise the girls for their originality when they only have singular interests that differentiates them from the treatment of the boys. 

Like Mary, we know she likes gardening flowers, but we don't what kinds she prefers to plant or if she'll plant anything that's available like how Katarina is to her vegetables, or random details like that. We know that Mary’s interests (or likes) are gardening, flowers and romance novels (and Katarina), and her hobby is gardening, but those interests are linked to her hobby (except for books, but we don’t know the extent to which she likes them in the first place), so there’s only so much praise that I can give. She basically doesn’t have much interests outside of her established hobby (it doesnt help when her only labeled dislikes is her sisters).

To be fair, with how the hamefura novels is written, it’s constantly moving forward in some way or another, and there aren’t really many scenes where facts like that can be implied or mentioned. Their feelings for Katarina and for each other are given the biggest priority, rather than how they act and what happens around them (that isn’t magic, politics, or Katarina related). Katarina’s pov just gives us the bare minimum facts about her friends, and she doesn’t seem like she’d narrate anything post-timeskip because she already knows what they like and don’t like by growing up with them, so we don’t get to learn anything unless we’re absorbing it for the first time as she is (she could mention stuff, but there’s also the fact that the light novels seems to be taking the screen time of the original harem bit by bit from each passing volume, according to spoilers i’ve seen, so situations where those can be mentioned as diminishing each volume.)

In some way, I guess the author is giving the fans a chance to interpret his characters through headcanons? I mean it sucks that we aren’t being given anything official, and I wish they could have at least hinted at things through dialogue or observations. 

Interpreting things is hard because you can never tell the line between noticing something small or seeing something that isn’t there.

An observation/interpretation, for example: like maybe while Mary likes to read romance novels with Katarina and Sophia, she’s actually not too into them but considers them worth the read-through and mostly reads them in order to relate with her friends, but wont obsessively scream and fangirl about them like her two friends; and Nicol might not like romance books at all and only read them in his childhood when Sophia had no one to talk to about it, and finally got to stop when Katarina came in.

I’m not really the type to think things through when I read/watch things like this so I personally would prefer if they would just tell me these facts. That could just be me though.

The english light novels is only up till Volume 5, with Volume 6 just about to come out in two weeks, so maybe japanese LN readers might know things that I don’t! I’m sorry if my answer is all over the place, I’m not really the most analytical person to ask  when it comes to things that might be hidden between lines of text since I usually take things at face value. Thank you for the ask!! :DD

[blackheart-skz]

Ateez as Yanderes.

TW: Mentions of abusive behaviour, toxic relationships, violence, self-harm and other topics that might be triggering.

Note: I am, in no way, trying to romanticize or portray the persons involved as heroes. The behaviour of the characters is not healthy and extremely harmful. If you or someone you know sees such characteristics in someone, do not overlook it. Furthermore, this is a work of fiction. I am not trying to represent the idols through my writing.

Ahhh I'm actually not very good at doing reactions. I feel that for some of the members I did a sort of a mini scenario but then for others it's like a description oof. Hope it's not super bad.

Kim Hongjoong = Over-proctective

- Hongjoong's caring and protective personality was what made you like him and now the same personality makes you despise him

- Hongjoong does not trust you at all

- He thinks you're incapable of doing things without him

- He treats you like a porcelain doll that could easily break

- He has put a lot of restrictions on where you can go or what you can do

- He will not let you go anywhere without his permission or go somewhere without him

- He doesn't trust you with anyone

- People are evil and they could hurt his precious one

- He is very afraid of something bad happening to you

- If you even get a minor cut, he will freak out and will not even let you move

- You do not have the freedom to do anything

- If you ever say that you want to leave him, he will lock you up

- He thinks that you're not mentally strong enough to know what's good for you

- And that's what drives him become your guardian and imprison you in your own house

Park Seonghwa = Dominant/Narcissistic

- Seonghwa has a huge ego

- Rejection is one thing he never accepts

- He expects everyone to worship him and you're no exception

- You wouldn't have been forcibly taken away and chained in his basement had you not uttered the word "no" to his face

- If you do anything that he even feels was disrespectful or if you try to leave him, he will severely punish you

- He sees inflicting pain and other severe punishment methods a way to mold you into his perfect slave

- You have to be really careful to not displease him cuz his anger is unpredictable

- He will reward you if you're obedient at all times

- He also makes sure he is the only person you invest your time and effort in

- He is your master and your life should revolve around him and him only

Jeong Yunho = Jealous/Overly-sensitive

- Yunho started off as the best man ever but then as time passed, the good in him started fading away.

- He started getting jealous a bit too often

- And now it's a daily occurence

- He does not trust you one bit

- He downloaded a tracking app on your phone so that he can keep track of where you go

- You talking to any guy or girl makes him go absolutely nuts

- he threatens people behind your back

- He also twists your words a lot which is rooted from his lack of trust as well

- He thinks that everything you say has a hidden implication behind it

- Like seonghwa, he wants your life to be about him

- He doesn't like you giving attention to anyone else be it a person or a hobby

- So if you want to talk to your mom or write a bunch of poems as a hobby, too bad.

Kang Yeosang = Sadistic/Cruel

- Yeosang was very good at hiding his sadistic side when he first met you.

- He used his charming looks and soothing voice to make you fall in love with him

- Once that happened and you entered into a relationship with him, his true colours started showing

- He slowly started getting both physically and emotionally abusive

- His initial reason was to keep you with him but eventually he started enjoying it

- As much as he loves you, seeing you helpless and at his mercy pleasures him to no end

- He prefers using physical punishments over emotional anytime you disobey him

- He loves seeing you break piece by piece

- But he also likes peppering you with kisses and telling you how gorgeous you are

- which makes him even more scarier

- Trying to leave him is not a smart idea at all

- You try to run away and he breaks your legs

- He will never hesitate to use excruciatingly painful methods to keep you from leaving

Choi San = Manipulative

- Just like Yunho, at first, he treated you like a king/queen

- But then slowly he started becoming a bit too obsessive and wanted to be with you 24/7 and know everything that you did

- He wants to know every single detail of your life

- If you ever try to reject him, he starts guilt tripping you

- He says that you're ungrateful for all the things that he does for you

- Afterall, he did treat you like no one else in the beginning

- Your family and friends slowly start cutting ties from you

- You don't know why but San knows very well

- If you find him being too burdensome and call out his behaviour, he blames it on you instead

- He targets your weaknesses to justify his behaviour and make you feel guilty

- No matter what, he never admits that he's wrong

- If you try to blame him, he starts playing victim

- He makes himself seem so pitiful that you can't help but feel guilty

- If you ever try to leave him, he would threaten to kill himself

- He will make you feel like you're the bad one in the relationship

- And you'll not have anyone to go to either so it's a win for him

Song Mingi = The clingy/stalker type

- Mingi was absolutely mesmerized by your beauty when he saw you for the first time

- He wanted to talk to you but he didn't have the courage to so he just start following you around and keeping track of every move you made

- He found out everything about you from what school you went to to what your pet peeve was before he made a move

- It took him a year worth of courage to eventually talk to you and of course considering how much he knew about you, he also knew what he had to do in order to make you fall for him

- And it worked

- Once that happened, Mingi stuck to you like gum

- Now, he does not leave your side for even a minute

- He wants to be with you 24/7 and sends you over a 100 texts everyday

- If you try to leave him for even a second he'll throw a tantrum and cling on to you to you like a koala

- Has become too dependent on you and you would actually believe him if he says that he would die without you

- coming back to him biting his nails to the point that his fingers were bloody and him literally jumping on you when after you left him alone for not even 3 hours is enough proof for you to believe him

- He has never and never will hurt you but he wont hesitate to hurt others

- He hasn't yet but he surely will if you don't take his threats seriously

Jung Wooyoung = Delusional

- A very dangerous yandere

- but more than that a pitiful yandere

- He isn't able interpret your words or read your emotions

- He mistook your gesture of kindness as an invitation for love

- After helping him once, you started seeing him around a bit too often

- He started talking to you as if you guys were close friends

- You ignored him but he never stopped

- After a while, he started treating you like his girlfriend/boyfriend though you barely knew him

- At that point you realized that this wasn't normal and you needed to do something

- You told you friends and were planning to contact the police

- Wooyoung started noticing how people looked at him weirdly and he thougjt its cuz they were jealous of your "relationship" and want you guys to break up

- You had come to the final decision to report him but before you could, he kidnaped you and locked you up in his house claiming that he's trying to "protect" your relationship

- The more you try to push him away, the closer got

- Be it physically or emotionally

- None of your attempts to snap him out of his imaginary work

- His imagination is too far gone for him to come back

Choi Jongho = The selfish/violent type

- A bit of what you would call a spoiled brat

- A lot actually

- What he wants, he gets

- Even if that means hurting others in the process

- He's a selfish man and he isn't scared to acknowledge that

- Kinda like Seonghwa but not quite

-Unlike him, Jongho is aware of what he's doing

- Seonghwa's ego leads him but Jongho leads his ego

- Jongho doesnt hesitate to get violent either

- You disobey him, he punishes you

- But the fact that he remains calm both before the punishment and after shows that he isn't actually bothered by your behaviour

- He just likes the power he has over you

- To him it doesn't matter if you love him or not, you're something that he admires therefore he has to have you

- No matter what you do, his heart will never go soft and even if it does, it will only be to an extent where he let's you breathe freely

[15001700tt]

Reflections of the Deep Sense of Self

well, i dont really have an audience except for a handful of mutuals and the many porn bots that i cant seem to get rid of no matter how hard i try but i am still gonna use this platform to voice out my thoughts since i have too many of them and i feel like i might drown if i don't talk about them.

i dont necessarily think that i am a person that is easily swayed by men, i was able to emotionally control myself quite effectively in my youth.

my first crush was simply a pick from the crowd to stop my friends nagging about who it was. i just observed the crowd and picked the most likely to not interact with my sort and said "him, he is so cute!" hoping that my friends wouldn't see through my facade. i didn't want to like anyone just because of their looks but I had quite literally not spoken to the male sort in my entire life (not including men I am related to, I was in all girl private school before I moved to America's public system) to develop an interest in them in a romantic or infatuated way even.

now this is just my introduction to my philosophical essay about whether hurt/ mentally ill people are inherently evil but I must admit that this was started because of other reasons. we might not even get to touch on that either, i tend to ramble and not get to the point effectively.

if you followed me long enough you would know that I was talking to a man I might've called Viking. but we do not talk anymore after I made my feelings clear to him.

i feel many things, most of the time, its anger, the other times, confusion, hurt, rejection..etc. but I do not blame him. mostly because, i am quite annoying as a human being.

one of the things i took to as a way to distract me from the pain, was reading. i read so much that it was impossible to feel anything except the emotions that I was told to through a page. but in between books I would have nights where i wouldnt be able to focus on the words, and I would ponder what was it i did wrong, what was it that made him deem me worthless, not worth responding to. and I would come up blank because my self-preservation wont allow me believe that because I made my intentions clear that I was in the wrong to do so when I feIt that our relationship was taking the wrong turn. if I am allowed to call it a relationship, because quite frankly it was a level below a situationship and a level above a friendship. that I was quite sure of.

as I sit here and write after almost two months of silence from his end and mine, because I refuse to be the one to break it. call it pride, call it stubbornness, I was not the one to ghost the other. i refuse to chase after someone who clearly does not want me. but still can't deny that I lay in bed every night at some godforsaken hours of the night wishing, and hoping that he would just take a step towards me. as I had done to him that one Wednesday afternoon in April.

my point is that my interest in men started out of necessity but it has evolved into a yearning of something that seems quite unattainable. i am not attractive by any means, but I am not of the ugliest sort. i have seen people with more weight with worse features than I with partners who could care less about appearances. which to say that my looks shouldn't be any good reason to ghost me. and while I don't necessarily think that my appearance was the reason for the silence I do struggle with the way l look so my insecurities have found a very good home in the found silence from him. i am working on losing weight out of a bet with friends but also out of bitterness but nevertheless, he is a man and if he wont block me than he must see what he is missing out on.

but again, I used to think I would never be that girl. the one who wanted something but she cant have it. which is quite the diabolical because the entirety of the 11 months we talked I had many panic/ anxiety attacks over how our appearances didn't match, our aesthetics weren't compatible, about how I was too ugly for him or too fat for him. but he seemed the sort that was straightforward and didnt waste other peoples times. i guess i was wrong in the sense that he kept me around because he was bored and disposed of me when it got too serious for his liking. i thought i always had the upperhand, that if things ended i wouldnt be too hurt about it and do what i do best, find the next boy to obsess over.

funny enough, he seemed interested. but i cant know for sure. i mightve made it up in my head.

i have a fear, which shouldnt be a fear but it is. remember how i said that my first crush was out of necessity? well that seems to be the case with me from 7th grade to the end of highschool. which is crazy because you would think with all the men i obsess over that i would find men attractive. i think there is a clear line between celebrities and fiction characters from a real person with undeliberate faults and thing you cant control.

i never thought any of my crushes were ugly, they were good looking but they didnt make me feel attracted to them. it didnt help that i was also the type to watch from a far and not the get close and comfortable.

considering this my first person that i liked and held an 11 months conversation/-ship with i think i did very good but that doesnt change that i read too many romantic book and i had a silver of hope.

a silver of hope that maybe i wasnt weird or shitty for not feeling attracted to anyone in my life. that i finally found someone who literally embodied my dream guy and couldnt have been more perfect. if only he was better at communicating.

he says that he is traumatized from long distance relationships, i now understand that it mightve been his fault. he doesnt communicate. in the 11 months we have known each other i know about a handful of things about him while he had me all figured out. except for one thing. he never got my fear of relationships. since i suspect he ghosted me because he thought i would want one. i guess ghosting me seemed like his best option.

i might not be undesireable but i am not anyone's first choice either. usingmedia to distract me from my emotions literally has become my life. i read about 15 hockey romances the weeks after the ghosting. i was already reading regency era adult romances but i couldnt bring myself to finish them because i had spoken to him about them. this decision i will regret because i talked about everything with him. i mentioned this before. quite literally everything reminds me of him. and its quite sad because i cant evn ssay what we had was special. i decided yesterday that he wasnt worth all of this, and i know he isnt. but i am tired. i just want to be dessired and wanted.

i literally stopped reading a book because the male interest did the same thing that he did to me, essentially to the female protag. i cant even pick up the raunchy adult romance.

i didnt let my self feel the extent of my emotions, only in small slivers of despair, or when i am too tired to pretend that his actions didnt affect me.

he was perfect in all ways but one and i was all faults except for one; my immenient need to communicate.

and no one knows, a friend of mine knows, but they dont know everything, i dont want her to get annoyed with me. i was in her place too many times and i refuse to put her through that. and our mutual friends?

hahahahaha the other night i was speaking with S, and he said that the last time he spoke to him, he mentioned me and Viking said 'oh i havent spoken to her in a while' thats it. no explaination no excuse. i dont even know why that infuriated me. i wasnt even worth an explaination in his eyes. S barely found out via vague summary from me. because even though i was/am hurt. i refuse to tarnish his reputation. 'in a while' ????? you mean two months? but then again S couldnt remember the last time he talked to him. but like still?

forget that we were flirting constantly i thought i was friend at least. i deserve more than this. i think. maybe not then.

i want to scream and shout and hit him and cry about why he didnt want me. but i realize thats self depricating. i should never seek validation from a man, i know but it wouldnt fucking hurt fam.

i have so much to say and yet i feel like its already too much. i should keep quiet. thats what people want from me. for someone who is 'boy crazy' i have not stomached going on a dating app, or boy watching in public because it physically hurts. for gods sake i cant even read fanfiction or just READ because of it. any sight of anything merely romantic makes me want to yell. i am tired and i want to turn everything off. including my stupid rat brain that only seems to be attracted to assholes.

but the same fucking stupid brain cant help but hope that is our enemies to lovers story. one day... god i hope one day...

[eatapinkwafer]

Fangirl Asks:

So i completely forgot i had a bunch of these, sorry! But new tags reminded me of it, so im going to do all of them now.. Read it all of you’d like. I was tagged by @bbcshipper @rosehipsyrups @elasticmonk @cooldoyouhaveaflag @my-little-yellowbird thanks lovelies! 

Questions from @bbcshipper

1. How much do your real life friends/family know about your fandom life?

I think i answered this before, but a few of my friends and family members know i have Tumblr and that i’m obsessed with CtM but they don’t really know the extent of it

2. Have you ever embarrassed yourself fangirling?

i don’t really fangirl with people who i’m not comfortable with or i know wont judge me so i don’t get embarrassed much, i guess when i first told my friend about my Tumblr and a lot of things i do i was slightly embarrassed.

3. What’s a recurring theme of fanfictions of you OTP that you find annoying/dislike?

hahaha ummm, unppopular opinion and don’t come at me with stakes, but i dont care much for when Tim says mushy stuff all the time, but it’s other people’s writing and they can right what they like and i’ll still enjoy it.

4. What are some prompts/ideas you might want explored more in fanfic? (asking this one for some ideas, hope that’s okay!)

i’ve always wanted to read something from Angela’s perspective, that would be interesting even though i know she’s still young

5. What’s the meaning behind your tumblr name?

Its from one of the best episodes, 6x08, when Shelagh is in labor and says i could eat a pink wafer...and then eats it and its such a perfect scene

6. Favorite moment(s) with your OTP?

Hand kiss, smoking together after the Carter birth, misty road, tent scene, dancing together “you and Jim Reeves”, and basically every scene they have together

7. How far would you travel to meet your OTP in real life?

if i have money, anywhere.. since i don’t have any money i’ll stick with anywhere in the states

8.Do you have a playlist for your OTP? (again, looking for ideas!)

Not really sorry, just whatever Turnadette has sang together

9. What about your real life would shock your OTP?

How much i stay in bed? i don’t know

10. What have you learned from being a part of the fandom?

that there are actual people out there who love something as much as i do and i don’t have to be ashamed about it

11. What’s the best thing about your fandom?

the community, they’re the absolute best

Questions from @rosehipsyrups :

1. Have you ever written fanfic?

Nope, just like reading it

2. Describe a scene from your favourite fandom that’s made you laugh

When Shelagh puts on her girdle in the 2017 CS, i’m still laughing about it

3. Have you ever stayed up all night watching a show?

hahahahahahahahahaahaha... let’s just say i saw all 6 seasons of CtM in 3 days

4. Top three favourite books?

A Thousand Splendid Suns, Moon Daughter, The Help

5. Do you like stories best if they’re set in the past, present, or future?

With Fanfic i like all, and with books i prefer past and present

6. Who do you look the most like in your favourite fandom?

Umm i dont think anyone, im hispanic girl with very curly hair... no one looks like that in CtM

7. Who are you most like personality wise in your favourite fandom?

Im going to go with Delia, because @weshallc said i was like her so i’ll just go with that

8. Favourite movie?

Notting Hill, i’m a hopeless romantic

9. Describe a scene from your favourite fandom that’s made you cry

The misty road scene has made me cry a couple times

10. Currant OTP?

Turnadette

11. One wish for your fandom’s future?

That they are happy, that’s all lol

Questions from @elasticmonk :

1. What was your first fandom?

On Tumblr? Outlaw Queen; not Tumblr Gilmore Girls and Friends

2. What’s your favorite thing about your main fandom now?

The community, again they’re the lovliest

3. What is your main fandom?

Turnadette

4. Whose your favorite character of all time?

Phoebe Buffay

5. What three quality’s do you think you share with your favorite character (of anything)?

I don’t think a lot, she’s a lot more eccentric and bold than me, i just love her

6. Where would you like to see your OTP vacation and why?

Obviously LA where i’m from, imagine them being tourists on the Hollywood Walk of Fame or at Disneyland? Venice Beach? That would be amazing

7. What’s your favorite gif from your fandom?

The i could eat a pink wafer gif and then when she eats it, oh also Hello Nurse

8. What’s your favorite picture from your fandom?

oh man i dont know, all of them. Probably anything with Laura

9. Who was your first OTP?

Luke and Lorelai

10. When did you start your main fandom?

I lurked last year for about 4 months and then started my blog in October

11. AU or canon complaint fanfiction?

Both

Questions from @my-little-yellowbird :

1.How has fangirling made an impact in your life?

I’ve found a really good community that i can share what i love with. And  when i first started looking at Tumblr and watching CtM, it was a really hard time for me and it allowed me to escape for a bit and brought some joy into my life

2.What makes fangirling most worthwhile to you?

Again as before, the people i get to share my love for things with and they understand me and don’t make me feel bad for it

3.What have you learned about yourself by being a part of a fandom?

I don’t think anything new but possibly that i don’t have to be ashamed for loving something so much and there are people out there like me (these questions were deep lol, i just repeated myself 3 times)

Questions from @cooldoyouhaveaflag

1. If you’ve written fanfiction, do people in your real life read it? Would you want them to if they don’t?

Never written any

2. Are you usually active in your fandoms? If yes, how long before you join in, if no, why not? (No right or wrong answer, I just think it’s interesting!)

Umm i am active in the Turnadette one now, it took me like a month to be more active after i started my Tumblr. If you mean like on a daily, it doesn’t take for me too long to participate

3. What is your dream fic about your OTP? (no restrictions, it can be anything from a cannon one-shot to a 200,000 word multi chap space alien AU)

hmm i’m a sucker for jealousy storylines for some reason, actually i know the reason. It’s because then they can declare how much they love each other and make up and i find that super adorable. Even though i know jealousy isn’t great, but nothing like they get angry or yell just that they’re a bit jealous. Like an old friend of Shelagh’s visits and he’s young and good looking and Pat is a bit jealous. That would be great

My Questions: 

1.What’s something you’d never thought you’d do but have because of a fandom?

2. If you could be in any tv show/movie which would it be and what role would you like to play

3.Is there any storyline that has impacted you personally?

4.How would you describe your favorite show/ movie to someone to convince them to watch it?

5.Have you convinced anyone to watch a favorite show/movie of yours and they got hooked?

6.Have you ever cancelled plans or left early in order to watch an episode of your favorite show or for a fandom thing? If so, tell the story

7.   How many fandoms have you been in and what are they?

8.What scene first got you hooked to your OTP?

i’ll tag @cooldoyouhaveaflag @miss-ute @elasticmonk @cooldoyouhaveaflag @fourteen-teacups @tangledupinmist @kaguyahime1224 @ramblingviolinist @chariot-to-somewhere @mg-bsl381 @lovetheturners @sincerelygeertje @like-an-officer-and-a-sergeant @snoopctm @turnt4turnadette 

Only do it if you’d like, sorry if you were tagged already or answered some of these questions

[madelineeclairee]

trap princess

I think I'm cosmos top reader for “top ten signs you know someone likes you” I mean I seriously feel like I am in Middle School and I want to know if the boy in math class who pulled my hair thinks I’m cute. Yes, I know this is not necessarily the audience of this reading, but that's what it feels like. I mean I'm 20 years old and I can know how someone feels about everything else in the world besides how someone feels about me. It's so nauseating lol. I realize I have never actually been in a relationship because that probably helps you understand people's true intentions when you are talking or whatever. But besides the fact, I just can't figure out for the life of me. 

So Yes, I have been chasing. It's just so fun I can't help it. The little crush I had could not be contained and now I am full-on head over heels. Don't worry, I'm not surprised this is just like what I do. But every time it ends up being a good flirting stage that's enjoyable but the guy never commits and welchs out on the feelings that I thought were there. It makes the chase so much more fun because that's the furthest I've ever gotten. But why or what factors make this always happen? It's so confusing sometimes because is it really the obsession with the chase or is it who chase. I will admit I am known to fall in love with my guy friends which end well for a lot of people but not me. But this one is different. I met him through mutual friends and I guess we built a friendship but we (or I at least) always have known there's a little something it's just not moving fast or in a path that I can understand like at all. 

In the beginning, there was a girlfriend he had (about 5 months ago or so) and they broke up for good after a very unfortunate series of events. They dated for like 2 years and then she started cheating on him...with girls. Yeah, that could hurt an ego right there. And honestly, it really did. But this was not an ordinary break up, they live together in a one-bedroom apartment. Which obviously not just like terrible for him but also it pisses me off. He sleeps on the couch which is good but like also sucks. Not to mention, she is honestly just like a monster of a human being. Never in my life have I heard so many terrible stories of her being a complete bitch for pretty much no reason at all. Only met her once, but fucking hated every second I was around her. Also said by many, including all his friends, all of his frat brothers and more. At one end I am happy she is a piece of shit so he won't go back to her. But on the other end, she's just so damn manipulative and rude to him I just want her gone. It constantly pisses me off how she treats him I just can't stand it. Not to mention, see all of her shit in their apartment made me want to explode just a little bit. Seeing that I could treat him so well and he has his life still consumed by this cheating fucking dyke ass cunt, sad. 

Well, there is a little background to this story which could be a big part of getting him to want to get into a relationship again, especially after that. They broke up in October and my crush was clear by then but I just acted tough that I just wanted to fuck him. Not going to lie, he definitely not that into it at first. But around late November into December, he started opening up to me a lot about all of the things going on with his ex and one of our first in-depth conversation was about his happiness and doing things for himself after being in a relationship where there was co-dependent reliance that now doesn't exist. He began to confide in me and tell me about his dreams (which I made appearances in sometimes). But I began to hear about all of his goals in life and I started to become invested by encouraging him throughout whatever he wanted me to. And for this, I had to ask myself why did he choose to confide in me? I mean he could've decided to do this to anyone else, but he wanted to talk to me, and it felt so good. 

When we got back from winter break things were different. We got a lot closer for some reason and really fast honestly. I had known some of the things he had gone through but the extent of his family loss, addiction, depression and more was so touching to me. He had never put on a face like he wanted people to pity him for his problems, like that he didn't have a dad. He opened up to me to the point where there were things he said he hadn't even told his best friends. I had a talk with him about his ex, moving on, helping himself and more which was bringing both of us practically to tears. I had gone into his head and told him what I thought he was feeling so he could hear this out loud. I left him sitting speechless (which is so uncharacteristic because he truly does not stop talking) because I had said all of the things he was thinking but wasn't able to fully process. I saw him and I think he finally knew it. Even though I really did have no idea how he felt about me, but I had pretty much everything else down. Instead of having a little sexual attraction we had emotional attraction too. This is really when things took a turn. I started hanging out at our friend's apartment a lot and together all the time. I am just so damn happy around him I can't help it and I swear its more addictive and better feeling than drugs. His validation is like a line of coke for me. His teasing drives me crazy but also makes me smile like literally nothing else. I just have to get him sometimes cause he gets me allllll the time. And it's a  mutual thing that we only do to each other. We make the same faces to each other that I know we don't do to anyone else. My personal favorite of his is his little eye roll with a smile when I embarrass him, validate him in front of people, or mention something a little sexy hehe. I could be dead tired and if he comes in I can stay awake just to hear him talk or sit with him for hours. And I do like my sleep schedule is low key fucked lol. 

I just want him to be direct now. There's so obviously something there and day by day it just feels better and better. I've gotten better about not begging for his attention and to make him work for it because I am subservient girly. But when he talks about other girls being hot on the low key it pisses me off a fuck ton. I get very annoyed and I either ignore it because if I don't the influx in my voice is super high pitched and bitchy. But I am just going to start ignoring and if he doesn't get a rise out of me then maybe he’ll quit that shit. I know boys do this to flex and make it a jealousy thing and it fucking works but I hate it!!! Besides that, he doesn't talk about his ex unless its negative which is so nice cause it was all we heard about for a fucking while and that got annoying but it started to go away thank god. And even though it might seem clear as day that someone just needs to say something, that's where the whole current problem is. Who is going to say something that is not an innuendo which is sexy but sometimes very confusing. I even called him out last night and I was like you only speak in innuendos and sometimes they are confusing and I just want to know what you really mean. followed by *wink* “you know what I mean” like NO I DO NOT! please tell me because I want you to say it directly because I will probably fuck you in the exact position if you're sitting in if you do. 

I see it right in front of me every day that we even act like we're a couple and yeah I do it a little more than he does but its there and reciprocated. We look out for each other and want to hear about each other's days. We don't usually go a day without taking in some form and it constantly makes me so happy. Not going to lie I am smiling so freakin big right now. I just need him to break through his hold back and open himself up to me because then that's my cue to be full-on girlfriend because I want it so bad. I will hold off for a while but when I have a sign to move in, I will. In just two weeks' time, we will be getting in the car and be taking a 13-hour car ride together to Alabama for spring break where we have our own room and bed. I am not going to lie to you this is something out of one of my dreams that I would never think to happen. But it is, and I get to spend a very good amount of time with him which I am absolutely so excited to do. This also comes with a lot of anxiety, I mean if he didn't want to do this or spend this much time with me he wouldn't. Especially because we are stopping on the way back to spend the night with my best friend that none of my friends here have met yet. but still anxious, I just want things to work out, and that's the bottom line. I really just want us to sleep together on the trip and realize we are meant to be together and all the happily ever after shit, but what if that's not in the cards and I get my heart broken again. It wouldn't surprise me by any means and honestly, maybe I’d even expect it. So is this where the real anxiety is? I always expect things wont work out but what if, god forbid, it just did? To be with someone like I have wanted for such a long stretch of my life. It would be so different and fulling and exciting and worth it. So I am guessing, secondary to this, I don't want to mess it up. I want to do everything perfectly because that's what's gonna get me to him. But I am starting to realize more and more, that being myself whos stupid when shes high, a strong conservative fighter and a heavy toucher gets us to the closest place we can be. We bicker about stupid things but end smiling and I like him even more for being so passionate about something so small and stupid. 

He's just so different. Couple inches shorter than me but a much, much bigger ego is not someone I could say that I think I’d fall head over heels for but I have. His hard to appeal nature with a pompous attitude turns me on so much. It makes his validation worth it and when he gives out compliments it makes a difference because he never does that stuff. He's hard to please and it makes me want him more. He's so freakin smart too and it has to make me think that he has everything planned out in his head of this will go. He often will say “I know exactly what you think about me” and I'm like fuck you I have no idea how you feel about me but in reality I said “you have NO idea”, but I know he does! Its almost just not fair at all, I'm too transparent with my feelings so now he's the one that can take his time because he has my feelings calculated, little science bitch. I guess a lot of this anxiety comes from not knowing and wishing I did and trying to find out how he feels but I can figure it out for the life of me like have writer's block or lost a puzzle piece. I'll get him to open up about anything else in the world but only his eyes and innuendos will speak to me so that's all I got. 

I started this feeling a lot more anxious about where I saw my place in his life. And It gets like this where one day I will feel so secure with how we are communicating and other days I just get scared that I’m doing something wrong or too much. It just makes me think about it so much. I don't reject the positive thoughts and it usually brightens my day thinking about him, but when they are negative or confusing it's really hard to focus on anything or be motivated to do anything but something like this or just lay down and think. I liked searching for an answer for a while because it was fun to figure him out but I'm ready for an answer and an action because I just want to be all over him knowing that he's finally mine. I don't want to think of it as wishful thinking but it can really feel like it sometimes. It's hard to determine too much because even though it has gone on for some time, the development has really only been in the past month and waiting for a couple weeks for an environment that will kind of create a forced answer. I'm just so ready for this to happen and have the opportunity to spend the amount of time together that couples do. My mindset will be optimistic, not anxious. Let things come as they will. If they are supposed to come and create a world, then they will. Obviously, I will push it little bit but fighting for the ones you love is a tale as old as time. 

So, Alabama here I come. Do not try to dissect everything he says. Find your center. Feel secure in the relationship you have now and then hopeful and optimistic about what could happen. Let our emotions go together as they always do. Express my emotions the way they need to be and not be scared of what could happen because it’s not a blind confession because there are obviously feelings that I will pry if I need to cause we have a soft side for each other. Its the time to make him fall head over heels for me like I did for him too damn long ago. 

[stevefromitreviewsgameofthrones]

Spoils of War / S7E4

So, no real surprises for me here since I read the hacked/leaked Synopsis

Little Finger tries to win over Bran who has become an emotionless cyborg. Give Bran the dagger like that will win him over and exits. poor Meera expected some of Bran to be left in him but Bran is gone and just the 3 eyed Raven is left. You have to kind of expect that as Bran he caused utter chaos lost Summer and actually sentenced Hodor not just to death but to a life of just saying hold the door. He got everyone killed and got a massive overdose of 3 eyed raven info. So yeah I could see he no longer is capable of feeling since all that hit at once. Surprised he is not catatonic.

Scene with little Finger and Bran was actually foreshadowing and essential to plot. Little Finger was trying to manipulate Bran and play with words as he does. Bran quoted him when he said “Chaos is a Ladder” which is something Bran was not around to hear when Little Finger said it, to the point LF and Bran have never been around each other until that point. Essentially bran in not so many words just told LF I know everything you have done, go use your words elsewhere. I think LF is truly afraid of Bran and is not yet smart enough to be afraid of Arya.

Our favorite little badass is home finally. Arya reaches Winterfell and is greeted at the gate by Laurel and Hardy, I so love how utterly incompetent the guards at the gate are during times of war. The 2 girls hug it out chit chat and Arya mentions her list which Sansa thinks is a joke… off to see Bran who gives Arya the Dagger ( previous photo leak explained) and mentions her going to KL and her list because Cersei is on said list. Sansa’s starting to realize the list is real and Arya has been following it but does not yet know to what extent. Arya spars Brienne AWESOME scene and beats Brienne if that were a real fight Brienne would be dead. Sansa now knows to what extent Arya has been following her list.

Joffrey Baratheon - Dead former king and all around asshat. Deceased – killed by Lady Oleanna

Cersei Lannister - Mother of Joffrey and overall manipulative bitch. Dead inside? Killed by herself :p nah still Alive unfortunately

Walder Frey - Betrayer of Robb and orchestrated the murder of Robb & Catelyn. Deceased as are all house frey – slaughtered by Arya

Meryn Trant - Member of the Kingsguard whom Arya blames for the death of Syrio Forel Deceased – killed by Arya

Tywin Lannister - Head of house Lannister, father of Cersei and Jaime. Deceased – killed by Tyrion

Mellisandre (the Red Woman) - Stannis' influential cohort, wanted to kill Gendry for blood magic. Alive

Beric Dondarrion - Leader of the Brotherhood Without Banners, sold Gendry out to Mellisandre. Alive-ish - killed many times by countless people – reanimated fire wight

Thoros of Myr - Member of the Brotherhood Without Banners, sold Gendry out to Mellisandre. Alive

Ilyn Payne - Executioner ("King's Justice") who beheaded Ned Stark. Actor died- no mention of him since not even on Arya’s list

Gregor Clegane (The Mountain) - Knight who works for house Lannister. Alive-ish - killed by red viper of Dorne – re-animated zombie

Sandor Clegane (The Hound) - Former servant of house Lannister. Alive but not for lack of trying

To be noted Sansa was on and was removed. Melisandre, Thoros and Beric were added for their betrayal of Gendry. So while Little Finger is not on her list he will make it there if Bran who sees all lists his betrayals to their family.

Thoros, Beric and Sandor are on their way north I wonder if she will exact revenge or let them be due to the war to come. Mellisandre has left for Essos but said she has to come back to die in this land so might come to face Arya.

Special note on Mellisandre remember back when she took Gendry she looked at Arya and was terrified by her and told her she will see her again. Pretty sure it will be Arya to kill her.

Cersei - well she might be able to wear Jamie face and get close to her ;) but for now She is North and her target is south.

Back to Arya was she not extremely graceful??? She moved like water seriously Brienne had 0 chance to beat her the only shot she had was kicking her away, which actually caused the end of the fight with Arya having the dagger at her throat.

Moving right along ;) Cersei is getting along great with the Iron Bank, but that won’t last after her promised payment was destroyed by Drogon and stolen by Dothraki ( Spoils of War). This could be a big falling out between Cersei and Jamie since he was escorting her stolen loot. But we shall see wont we?

Jon shows Danni the cave with all the drawings including the white walkers so she knows they are real. Unfortunately, Jon has his pride and she has an obsession with people bending the knee. And sparks are a brewing between them for a love interest coming soon to a TV near you.

Theon returns to Dragonstone and unfortunately Jon does not kill him. Really at this point if you were Theon would you not want to die?

Danni learns of the High Garden sack and the Unsullied being stranded on foot to get to her. After being advised against using the Dragons, she does Well at least Drogon. The Dothraki attack and Bronn acknowledges they are going to lose and tells Jamie to leave. He of course doesn’t listen … idiot.

Suddenly there is a dragon with a rider. Drogon cooks a great meal of Lion meat but gets attacked with Qyburn’s Dragon killing machine which hurts Drogon and he in turn fries it to nothingness. Bronn meets his match in battle and if it were not for that spear shooter would have gotten killed. So while Danni tries to pull the spear out Jamie … we’ll call him idiot… tries to attack a live Dragon because Danni is distracted, no it’s a giant dragon why would it fry me without her knowing. Luckily, idiot is tackled into the water by Bronn who has 9 lives. When last we see our idiot he is underwater in heavy armor sinking to the bottom. My guess his cat like friend drags him out. I love Tyrion’s reaction to Idiot attacking a Dragon the size of a small castle with one hand and a sword.

All in all, an awesome battle scene and finally a major win for Danni and huge loss for Cersei. The Iron Bank will not be happy to have not gotten paid.  I also love the Dothraki telling Tyrion “your people can’t fight”

Until next week…

[natlovetheauthor]

Mr. CAvAnAugh is  A.D (Updated Theory)

If you haven’t already please read my last theories about Mr. Cavanaugh so you can catch up! I promise everything comes in full circle and your questions will be answered! I was going to do a huge edit to make everything fit, but I decided to leave my other theories, and to update this one.

PLEASE READ OR ELSE IT WILL NOT MAKE SENSE, AND YOU WILL HAVE TOO MANY QUESTIONS……

   1.       https://prettylittleobsessednatalie.tumblr.com/post/159816157736/mr-cavanaugh-is-big-bad

   2.       https://prettylittleobsessednatalie.tumblr.com/post/159816162046/prettylittleobsessednatalie-winter-chill-recap

   3.       https://prettylittleobsessednatalie.tumblr.com/post/159816067786/spoiler-alert-i-cant-get-over-how

   4.       https://prettylittleobsessednatalie.tumblr.com/post/159816169151/prettylittleobsessednatalie-in-season-7-episode

   5.       https://prettylittleobsessednatalie.tumblr.com/post/159816108756/i-was-getting-upset-because-my-phone-wont-let-me

Okay so let me begin……

After reading the book Winter Chill, I have came to the conclusion that the person behind the mask will not only be somebodies parents, but will also be A man. I have been thinking that A is Mr. Cavanaugh since the beginning, and I have a lot of reasoning behind it. I have used Bethany in a lot of my old theories so for now let’s pretend that Charlotte is the new Bethany.

   1.   LOLITA is the first book theory I have conducted. A lot of people       think Lolita was just about the Aria/Ezra or Alison/Ezra       relationship, but I honestly think it was deeper than that. Lolita is       about a 40 something year old man that had a relationship with a 12       year old girl. Although both Alison and Aria were young and having       relations with Ezra, Ezra was never considered old enough to be       Humbert. (Please read my Mr. C theory to know where I am going with       that one.

   2.   We have NEVER met Toby’s father (Mr. Cavanaugh) nor have we ever met       Jenna’s mother. They are one family that I believe should have been       seen by now especially since all these “accidents” have happened to       both Jenna and Toby. When asked if we have seen A.D before, Tyler       Blackburn claims “You’ve never met them. You kind of have. When you       see it, you’ll understand what I am saying.” What a perfect way to       sneak in a parent that has been mentioned but no seen. Another factor       comes from the book “Winter Chill” where the parents, ultimately the       father was the corrupt at the end of the book. It would work PERFECT!    3.   Spencer was asked the join the –A team a couple of times. If you       think about it, Toby, Spencer and Charlotte were all on the –A team.       This team could have been formed for the safety of the A team.       Whoever A.D. is, is making sure that the –A team is safe, which is       why he/she is so upset that Charlotte was killed.    4.   Charlotte sang “Lord help the mister who comes between me and my       sister.” I still think that Charlotte knew exactly who her mother is       no matter what, simply because she used the last name “Drake.” If she       knew that Mary was her mother, I would not doubt that she knew that       Spencer was her sister ESPECIALLY if she and Melissa really had a       conversation “that night.” I believe she was going after Toby when       she sang this, but I don’t think that Toby is the villain. I think       the show is showing a lot of sketchy things about both Toby and Jenna       but it could be aimed towards the parents (step) of these two.    5.   In an “A” text that was sent before the Charles/Charlotte reveal       there was a text sent to Spencer that said “We’re all related Spence.       Some more than others.” Charlotte knows the entire game too, and       someone on the “good” side knew and killed her.    6.   Toby made a comment about never leaving Rosewood. Is he here to       protect his father?    7.   Keegan Allen (Toby) made a comment about how he couldn’t sleep after       watching the reveal of A.D. is this because it had something to do       with him?

      Mr. C is A.D.

      I believe Mr. Daniel Cavanaugh has been around the beginning. Alison       was the hit of the town and Toby’s father may have taken a “Lolita”       liking to her. She always talked about being with older men and may       have strung Mr. Cavanaugh along and used him, or he could have simply       been infatuated with her. He would fit the perfect age for a Humbert       character.  We see Jenna’s family moving into the Cavanaugh house       shortly after Mrs. Cavanaugh’s death. We have never seen Jenna’s       mother or step father which I think is totally sketchy because both       Jenna and Toby’s parents are mentioned. Toby mentioned wanting to get       away from his “screwed up family” 3x05. When Ali claimed to see Toby       spying on the girls while they were getting dressed, I received       strange Mr. Cavanaugh vibes. We have no idea what he looks like, and       in Wikia it claims that Mr. Daniel Cavanaugh looks similar to Toby.       This screams NAT club to me, and I’ll get to that later. Along the       lines of Toby’s screwed up family we are aware that Toby’s mother had       a mental illness (just like the mother in WINTER CHILL). In LOLITA,       Charlotte, Humbert’s wife finds out about his obsession with his       daughter and nymphets in general from his diary. She confronts him,       tells him she is leaving, runs in front of a car, and gets killed.       Although Marion’s death was supposedly done by Bethany, I believe       that she could have found out about Mr. Cavanaugh’s NAT obsession by       watching his videotapes. She had to go because she knew too much.       Mr. Cavanaugh also is mentioned in 4x16 after Peter Hastings plans on       shutting down Radley, then decides against it.(I believe he thought       twice about it, or was threatened with the truth being exposed about       Spencer being a Radley baby.) Mr. Cavanaugh and Toby were given a       settlement for his mother’s death, but told not to speak about the       situation again. Spencer voices that she thinks that Mr. Cavanaugh       should not be involved with the process until they know everything       about Marion’s murder, but Toby tells Spencer that “I want to do       this, I NEED to.”With the settlement money, Mr. Cavanaugh would have       been able to build a dollhouse comfortably. We are still unaware       about what Mr. Cavanaugh does for a living, but I am sure Toby hasn’t       got his handy work from just anyone.       It is very possible that Charlotte and Jenna could have been friends.       Charlotte knew how much Jenna hated the liars and could have let her       in on the plan to a certain extent. We know that Jenna now knows who       A.D. is and she seems very comfortable with who it is, almost as if       she knows that she is “safe.” Who could keep her safe more than       anybody? A parent most definitely. Charlotte and Jenna have been       playing for the same team since it started. I believe Charlotte was       just a pawn just like Mona was. In this episode right after a news       report on Bethany Young was mentioned, the Cavanaugh house blew up.       This could be WINTER CHILL foreshadowing. After the death of a child       the inner monster was created in the book. In 4x16 A.Cavanaugh was       seen in 4x16 which can be literally mean A. Cavanaugh or Daniel       Cavanaugh. The cabin in 4x16 showed two boys in a photo, which is       supposed to be Ezra’s cabin. I’ve mentioned twins before but this       very well could have been Toby and Charles as young boys. 5x15 “Fresh       Meat” Toby finds his old Family knife with blood on it in the woods.       When Spencer asks how he knows it’s his he tells her “my dad popped a       top off the jar with it when I was 8.” Toby also says “When I saw it       I froze, a million things went through my head and for a minute I       forgot I was a cop and left it.” Or did he really know that his dad       very well could have been the one to actually USE this weapon? Toby       also tells Spencer and Caleb “that knife could be the murder weapon.”       Spencer was under the impression that they were being framed for       Mona’s murder, but I believe Toby may have figured everything out at       this point in PLL. In regards to Jenna, not too many people have       noticed that the games did not start until she moved in with the       Cavanaugh’s. When Jenna came, Ali disappeared soon after. Ali was       mean, and snooty to Jenna, and then blinded her with a firecracker.       All the reason for a parent to absolutely hate Ali, seek revenge, and       cause chaos to her entire family, just like she did to the Cavanaugh       family.       I believe that Mr. Cavanaugh may have inserted himself into the game       more fiercely after his house was blown up. According to Marlene,       Charlotte is the one that blew up his house, but the reasoning is       unknown. Maybe Charlotte was actually trying to help the liars, and       this is the reason she was forced onto the A team. Charlotte was       definitely a pawn, and this is why her story made absolutely zero       since. She was told to fake it, and made the decision to kill her       ‘family’ to end everything. She may have known exactly how the game       would end.       As far as Melissa, she knows all and I truly do think that she has       been protecting Spencer all along. I think Melissa knows everything       about the NAT Club, the affairs, the secret kids, Mary and whatever       else everyone is hiding, and to protect her family she is playing       along with A.D. It definitely makes sense that she would be       considered A.D. Melissa stays out of the way a lot and I believe this       is to protect herself. When she does play along, it is for the safety       of spencer and her parents.       In 2x13, as Hanna and Aria were walking through the woods, a person       in a mask popped out and scared them, and when it did it touched       Aria. Could HE be the one that Alison fears the most? Could that have       been Mr. Cavanaugh?       Sara Harvey (RIP) claimed that every year on Septemeber 7th, HE would       bring her a red, white and blue cupcake. The liars blinded Jenna       around the 4th of July, and next to their mailbox was a small       American flag (red, white, and blue). Also, in a recent episode 7x07       when   Jenna tried kissing Toby (WIERDO) they were out on the lake on       the Fourth of July with fireworks going. All of the 4th of July       references with the Cavanaugh family cannot be a coincidence.       Mona definitely knows everything, I’ve said this a thousand times and       will say it a thousand more. She is working to keep the liars safe,       probably from guilt because of what she has started, but she is smart       enough to keep herself safer.       NAT CLUB.       The NAT club, the biggest clue yet! I believe the ultimate villain       will be the one behind the scenes of the club! Mr. Cavanaugh. Because       Alison ‘caught’ someone staring at the girls through the window, and       Ian was recording Alison in a provocative way, I will assume that the       NAT club was more than just secrets about everyone, it may have been       a little raunchy. (Quilty from LOLITA). I could see Mr. Cavanaugh       having his pawns recording for his pleaure, but also collecting and       having dirt on everyone in the NAT club, so that no one had the urge       to spill his secret. It is no coincidence that EVERYONE from the NAT       club is dead EXCEPT for Jason, and I really think this is why he       stays away from Rosewood just like Melissa. He knows a lot but his       years of partying could have made him forget a lot as well. Quilty       from LOLITA had a secret pornographic business going on, which       reminds me of Wilden’s stash that was found in 4x07. Wilden       definitely was apart of the club and could have been worried about       people finding out about his past which made him desperate to shut       Ali and whoever else needed it up.

      I noticed that Toby had a couple parallel’s this season. One was the       similarity he had to A.D. with his glasses on. Antoher was the fact       that he is now a widower just like his father. He has stated many       times about how he can’t leave Rosewood…..

Thanks for reading! M. Natalie Love May 12, 2017

[amoonlitmidnight]

decided to answer bc im bored

1.       If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

troye.

2.       Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

mine is going home. (will greyson will greyson)

3.       What do you think about most?

if c is okay.

4.      What does your latest text message from someone else say?

true.

5.       Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with.

6.      What’s your strangest talent?

i can make good pigeon noises.

7.       Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)

girls are wonderful yet complicated. boys that are good exist, but you have to sort through many awful ones to find them.

8.      Ever had a poem or song written about you?

not that I know of.

9.      When is the last time you played the air guitar?

on the bus to Bellingham lacrosse game.

10.   Do you have any strange phobias?

I am afraid of growing too old to keep memories.

11.    Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

blue berry, but who hasn’t?

12.    What’s your religion?

half-assed catholic I guess?

13.    If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

playing lacrosse.

14.   Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind.

15.    Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

the 1975 bc im basic.

16.   What was the last lie you told?

don’t worry about it, its fine.

17.    Do you believe in karma?

to an extent, yes.

18.   What does your URL mean?

thought of it randomly one night.

19.   What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

weakness: relentless self-deprecation, to the point of believing that anybody complimenting me is out of pity.

strength: im funny.

20.  Who is your celebrity crush?

brendon urie or matty healy.

21.    Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

not yet.

22.   How do you vent your anger?

the vent app.

23.   Do you have a collection of anything?

important items/mementoes from the past year.

24.   Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

video chatting.

25.   Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

somewhat, but there’s always room for improvement.

26.   What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate: metal scraping/banging together, or other people blowing their nose.

love: laughter, rain

27.   What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if every choice ive made to get me to this point, didn’t happen?

28.  Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I believe that there are spirits of loved ones that look after us and guide us, but im not decisive about ghosts. aliens are 100% real, but maybe not in the way we expect.

29.   Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right: bedside table/lamp.

left: book (will greyson will greyson)

30.  Smell the air. What do you smell?

stuffy.

31.    What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

7th grade camp.

32.   Choose East Coast or West Coast?

west coast.

33.   Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

matty healy or troye sivan.

34.   To you, what is the meaning of life?

to do what makes you happy.

35.   Define Art.

any form of creation.

36.   Do you believe in luck?

yes.

37.   What’s the weather like right now?

sunny.

38.  What time is it?

2:01 pm.

39.   Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I do not.

40.  What was the last book you read?

note to self.

41.   Do you like the smell of gasoline?

kinda.

42.   Do you have any nicknames?

g, stew, gstew, stewart

43.   What was the last movie you saw?

lion.

44.  What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

concussion.

45.   Have you ever caught a butterfly?

nope

46.  Do you have any obsessions right now?

troye.

47.   What’s your sexual orientation?

see #1

48.  Ever had a rumor spread about you?

yes, courtesy of matt.

49.  Do you believe in magic?

not really.

50.  Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

yes.

51.    What is your astrological sign?

pisces.

52.   Do you save money or spend it?

spend it.

53.   What’s the last thing you purchased?

eyeliner, highliter, and primer at sephora.

54.   Love or lust?

love.

55.   In a relationship?

sadly, no.

56.   How many relationships have you had?

maybe one?

57.   Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

yes.

58.   Where were you yesterday?

last lacrosse game of the season at ballard, then alki

 59.   Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yes.

60.  Are you wearing socks right now?

no.

61.   What’s your favorite animal?

monkey.

62.   What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

be funny.

63.   Where is your best friend?

nonexistent.

64.  What is your heritage?

norwegian, irish, german i think

65.   What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

watching interstellar again.

66.  What do you think is Satan’s last name?

maybe he has one,  but he doesn’t need it. like beyonce.

67.   Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I’d like to think so.

68.  You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

let that dog die without a second thought.

69.  You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) maybe one or two people in particular, c for sure. but not everyone, instead I tell them what I have always wanted them to know.

b) I tell people what I have never been courageous enough to say, and spend time with loved ones.

c) I would be more content than afraid

70.   You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

you cannot love someone if there is no trust.

  71.    What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

more than life by whitley.

72.   What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

2935.

73.   In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

determination and unconditional love.

74.   How can I win your heart?

show me you love me, or else I wont believe you, and be able to have conversations late at night about deep shit.

75.   Can insanity bring on more creativity?

of course.

76.   What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

attending hna and trying out for lacrosse.

77.   What size shoes do you wear?

9 I think?

78.   What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

do not go gentle into that good night.

79.   What is your favorite word?

titties.

80.  Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

anatomical.

81.   What is a saying you say a lot?

me when…

82.  What’s the last song you listened to?

tokyo narita freestyle.

83.  Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?

light blue, lavender, or faded pastel yellow.

84.  What is your current desktop picture?

was my north cascade summer team, now it’s a photo from the 1975 concert.

85.   If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

trump bc im unoriginal.

86.  What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

my feelings for someone.

87.   One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

call the cops, or just put in earbuds and listen to music really loud with my eyes closed to distract myself.

88.  You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

reading minds or shapeshifting objects.

89.  You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

the penetration practice.

90.  You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

odea vs lakeside game when I realized co wasn’t my friend anymore.

91.   You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

matty healy.

92.   You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Amsterdam.

93.   Do you have any relatives in jail?

not that I know of.

94.  Have you ever thrown up in the car?

yes, drank some week old orange juice.

95.   Ever been on a plane?

yes.

96.  If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? 

you do you, ill do me. we may not be doing the same things, but well both me happy.

[bootisimo]

ok so i dont care if im spamming my personal shit bc this is fucking tumblr & i need to just talk abt things

so im going to talk abt my best friend audrey. i havent had a best friend since around 7th grade (I’m a graduating senior this year) & my overall friend group has been really unstable & changes a lot, so I didn’t realize it at the time, but I haven’t made any deep connections in high school and it’s kinda sucked. Pair that up with me being super insecure because everybody talked about me behind my back in middle school and literally nobody outside of my group of 5 friends could stand to be near me (which I only learned around 2 months ago & it’s fucked me up so much, especiallyl because i was so oblivious & for all i know the same thing could still be happening), so I’ve felt very isolated and alone without realizing it for basically all of my scary developmental years. & then this new girl comes to school, and I meet her a the beginning of senior year! & she’s so wonderful and we click so well and after knowing each other for barely any time i felt so close to her and I was essentially drunk off of finally being close to someone again and she was all i ever thought abt bc i loved spending time with her so much! ((that sounds weird and obsessive but i promise im exaggerating i just kinda accidentally started idolizing her and absorbing her mannerisms bc thats what i always do)) & following my stupid fucked up pattern for people im clsoe to, i was all over her for a few months then i started doing that isolating thing and i convinced myself that her & the rest of my friends barely tolerate me (it didn’t help that this is senior year & shit actually did happen w two of my other close friends so my friend group is shrinking rapidlyl and i dont want to put effort into roping it back together), so I became really unhappy without realizing it bc i repress everything and i literally have so much trouble processing and actually feeling what’s going on around me . thats where my problems with derealization come from, because it crosses the line into literally not being able to say if im awake or in a dream, or if i exist or not, so how the fuck would i be able to know if i was happy or unhappy? im realizing tonight that ive been actually, truly depressed for an indeterminant amount of time, and that really scares me with the whole bipolar issue bc ive figured out that i cant live life without control. i need independence and control over my entire sense of self or i can’t cope, and its super unhealthy but its the only way i know how. and if im bipolar like im starting to believe i might be and like my therapist thinks is a definite possibility, then kind of by definition that means that i don’t have control, over my actions or my moods or my life, especially if it’s bad enought that i need medication. and judging by just how bad things have been recently, right when i start being able to feel my emotions without automatically shutting them down (so I’m feeling them to the full extent that i shielded myself from, in other words), i don’t think i can succeed, or even survive, on my own if this is what my daily life becomes. I’m losing my control right before I’m really going to need it, right before i turn 18 and go to college and actually need to take care of myself, and I’m so anxious about it that I constantly feel like I’m going to vomit, and like there’s a dumbbell sitting both on my chest and at the bottom of my stomach. when I repressed everything, i was always relaxed. i literally could not make myself stress or feel bad about anything, which is super unhealthy, but now it’s like i can’t make myself not be stressed, and i can’t reverse it!! I’ll try to feel like I used to because not feeling is so so so much easier than feeling, but it’s like I’ve forgotten how!! 

anyway part of the reason my relationship with audrey is so good and so bad is bc it’s super hard for me to actually talk to her, because I always struggle with guilt because of how easy my life is compared to my friends. feeling like i have things better than anyone makes me feel so guilty that i want to die, which is probably a part of the depressive episodes, so I’ll go through periods where I’ll talked to audrey but i literally wont’ say anything to her bc i feel so guilty about how much she has to deal with, and then it’s like we aren’t even friends anymore and its 100% my fault because I consciously pull away and just think about dying for a week or two and convince myself that i dont need or deserve any friends or anyone to talk about the issues im having with. when i actually do share things with audrey, i lover her even more, because she never makes me feel guilty for having things she doesnt, and she always reminds me to that im trying to be conscious of the differences in our lives, and she always makes me feel so good about myself because that’s the kind of person she is. she’s been through so much more than most people, and I don’t even know a lot of the details about her life. its amazing though not just because she went through it--it always pisses me off as a trans person when people tell me i’m “brave” just for living and transitioning, and i know she would feel the same if i thought she was amazing just bc she’s survived so much. but she’s amazing for how she deals with it, mostly. you can tell she has a lot of problems coping but she still always makes an effort to make people feel included, and to better herself, and to be fucking kind. I’m always so amazed by how kind she is and how little she deserves all the shit that life throws at her, and I dont say that to her bc it’s always uncomfortable when people tell you that, but I’m really starstruck by her. i very often just start thinking about what a genuinely caring, selfless person she is--not like me, who does everything because of the reaction that I anticipate from other people. when she’s kind, you can just tell that it’s because she wants to be kind and doesnt care about the consequences. she is a good person far deeper down than I am and its amazing to see that at work. I’ve actually been standing up for my beliefs and saying something when I think someone’s in the wrong just because I’ve been around her and I’ve seen her do that 

but the worst thing is that we met so close to the end of graduation. we just found out we’re all staying in the area next year but with my habit of suddenly dropping people for no reason, I can’t guarantee we’ll stay close, and that makes me so so sad because I genuinely think the more time I spend with audrey, the better a person I become. it’s hard to balance because I also make all my bad decisions with audrey because we fuel each other because w’ere so similar, so that makes it hard to. (haha we’re both geminis after all, and i dont believe in astrology but the idea that two geminis always have short, intense bursts of relationships, so they’re hard to make last, seems super accurate for us, and I’m afraid that tha’ts whats going to happen) 

anyway I’m just typing a lot because dear audrey gave me an adderall to take so i could last the night & not die, and it’s more than I normally take, so my focus on this post is so intense, and adderall makes you rambly anyway. it’s good to take a lot every once and a while though because just thinking things through in this focused, controlled but optimistic and basically unbiased outlook that adderall gives you can be super helpful--typing this out has actually been pretty similar to my therapy sessions, except nobody has to ask me questions and prod at what I say to interpret my thoughts. damn i hope i can get a prescription because i feel like this is exactly how people who can actually ge their work done and not drift off constantly feel like, and I feel like now that I know how adderall feels and how homework is actually feasible when I take even a small dose, like half of a 30mg pill, I can’t expect myself to keep fumbling through my academic life once it costs 20k per year, and when I’m not on adderall, I’m always, always fumbling and confused, no matter what I’m doing. I feel like I’m just realizing how much I need it, and the people around me aren’t as surprised because they’ve always seen it, because it’s literally always been there, but they just assumed I was disorganized and spacey, and when I say “I think I have ADHD,” theyre’re jsut like “oh, I never thought of that but now that you’ve said it I absolutely believe that, I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.” It’s inhibited me enough in my life, especially in school, that in my freshman year all of my teachers called my parents in and told them to test me & my sister for ADHD, and the only reason it never happened is because there was a miscommunication and my mom thought the school had screend us for free, when me & emma have never ever seen a doctor about it 

things are jsut bad rn bc it’s like i stand on both edges of a really small planet. on one side is the adhd stuff, and the realization that if I get treatment, life could be a lot more possible for me than I ever knew it was possible to me. on the other side is the emotions that I’m not able to repress anymore (maybe it’s the bipolar vs the adhd, maybe not--again, not diagnosed, and definitely not self diagnosing). these emotins that I’m actually starting to be able to process are a lot worse than I ever realized they were, and it’s promising the opposite of the adhd side--that things could get much worse than I ever knew they could get, and that they’re already headed that way. 

sorry for making you all scroll past this thing, but it’s been really helpfulto be able to sort my thoughts out like this. I definitely feel like i just prepared myself to make progress in my therapy session on friday, at the very least. maybe things can actually be ok after all