#you were supposed to teach me
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I know that I'm ultimately useless, but could you at least pretend that I'm not?
#'you're going back to school'#i thought you said I had until 25 to make that decision#'you're going to learn how to drive'#you were supposed to teach me#and my car is broken so...#'you're going to look for a car'#with what money#i don't know how to carshop#you never taught me how#'you're going to get a job'#i still need help with that too#'i've had enough'#OF WHAT!?#WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU#I HAVEN'T CAUSED YOU PROBLEMS#i don't sneak out#i don't misbehave#i don't GET IT#the only thing I do is cost money#and really I've been trying to eat less‚ want less‚ and BE less just so that I don't cost as much#i know you didn't ask for an autistic daughter#you wanted a 'normal' daughter that likes dresses and makeup#but that's not what i am#i know you didn't ask for me#but while im here can you at least pretend like you did?#i know you want to to move out and be 'normal' so that you don't have to care for me anymore#but until then can you please tolerate me???#please...#bluey's vents#abluehappyface
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C1E60 || C3E88
#critical role#criticalroleedit#vex'ahlia#imogen temult#laura bailey#gifs#*#*cr#*parallel#cr1#cr3#vex'ahlia cr#syldor vessar#liliana temult#r: vex x imogen#angst tag#*meta#cr meta#47m c1e60#3h12m c3e88#laura bailey said it's all about the blood of you mixed into the blood of me whether i like it or not and what does that mean#because it certainly doesn't seem to mean that you love me.#and how can i love you when you were supposed to raise me and protect me and care for me and you didn't#how can i love you when you were supposed to teach me what love is and instead you only taught me hate and loneliness#and why is there a part of me that still desperately hopes that you do love me? that you could bring yourself to love me?#and then the part that makes me go even more batshit crazy: THEY HAVE /MET/ EACH OTHER. THESE TWO WOMEN HAVE M E T#*SCREAMS FOR SEVEN THOUSAND HOURS STRAIGHT*
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“You can’t be angry at your sister foreve-“
Wrong. Behold, my castle of bitterness, holding grudges and anger! I am the queen of this and she has been declared my sworn enemy. I will be a petty, angry bitch for the rest of our lives and I won’t apologise for it. I will not trust you. She may LEAVE.
#she and her fiancé are trump supporters#they said that the ‘lgbt+ agenda of ruining our kids’ was becoming too strong#that women shouldn’t have the right to get abortions#and that I was being silly for getting upset#so no mother I will not forgive my sister#how am I supposed to just forgive her for that#almost screaming at me - her gay sister - that pride month shouldn’t be a month#and that the American election war just as important as pride#MIND YOU#WERE NOT AMERICANS#WE’RE FUCKING DANISH AND LIVE IN A COUNTRY WITH SO MANY PRIVILEGES#“we shouldn’t teach kids that it’s okay to be different or that there is nothing wrong with being trans or gay.#well exfuckingcuse me#she said that women who wants an abortion could just leave the country to get one#excuse me you privileged white bitch in another fucking country where abortion is very much legal MAYBE everyone doesn’t have the means#or possibilities to do so
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People love ragging on Catholics on this site (fast free and easy like river water socks) but I think it’s extra funny y’all seem to think Catholics are some sort of sex prudes. Like, if a Catholic man does not give his wife an orgasm he is failing his sworn duties as a husband. I did not endure polite insinuations that my parents fucked often and well to have as many kids as they have for you to act like any self respecting Catholic is a celibate virgin. Laypeople have sex in this denomination Kaitleign. What are we, Calvinists? Jansenism is soooo 17th century Protestant Reformation-informed heresy.
#ra speaks#personal#not tagging otherwise bc tbh I can’t remember if it was formally declared a heresy or if aspects of its teachings were papally condemned#and I don’t want any um actually 🤓 people in my notes or inbox.#anyways. point is I’m sorry you’re culturally Christian USAmerican Protestant and just finding out Catholics often have mandatory sex ed#at least my school did + my grandma had an amazing little book about Catholic marriage sex tips akdjwhfjsjssj#if you’re Catholic and under the impression that fucking wasn’t supposed to be important…idk sorry your catechist didn’t ever cover like.#humanae vitae or any other encylcicles on sexuality and reproduction.#idk if it was an effort to inform/combat congregational abuse (eg. we know kids w sex ed are more likely to report/recognize abuse)#but my school was pretty damn blunt about it all. here’s a dick and all it’s anatomy. here’s a vagina and all it’s anatomy.#fucking and touching is supposed to be between a married man and woman (as expected)#but it’s also supposed to be fun and shouldn’t hurt and if it’s not and does hurt you need to communicate w them or reach out to a doctor#like. this was early 2010s im still fucking baffled my parochial school Franciscan nuns gave us a better grasp of sex ed than my high schoo#public school sex ed. the teacher there justified emotional abuse and manipulation if it’s against a guy.#and it’s not like their queer sex ed existed beyond ‘and this can be between two people of any gender’ clauses#anyways. you know me have fun and be safe im just tickled to see ppl think their experiences and expectations are universal.
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I've seen so many interesting and fun greek myth ships over the years both divine and mortal supported by text and just for fun, and yet I fear tonight, I will be throwing my hat into the ring as a propagator of niche greek myth ships because like, no seriously how is Aristaeus/Dionysus not already thing.
#ginger rambles#pursuing daybreak posting#my toxic trait is DEFINITELY the hoops I went through to justify this ship in my work LMFAO#“Oh Dionysus has a wealth of established lovers you could've used why give him Aristaeus” Buddy Friend Amigo Pal Pardner#have any of those lovers spent a considerable time teaching Dionysus the art of brewing only to lose to him#and have your long held position as the heavens' drinks guy be uprooted because Dionysus made balling wine using the techniques#you painstakingly taught him? Yeah I didn't think so#In general I think more people should think about Aristaeus because he is SUCH an interesting god#also he and Dionysus have the whole contentious birth and godhood thing going on which is nice#also despite both being rustics they occupy pretty different spaces meaning they can co-exist without it being a strict syncratic thing#I mean Aristaeus was identified with Dionysus and Apollo but like his identity apart from them is also pretty clear and defined#which is really really fun#these tags were supposed to be about Aristaeus/Dionysus but really I just want to spread Aristaeus propaganda#god he's SO COOL I wish more people talked about him#yeah I can talk about him but I've been thinking about and researching him for years I wanna hear other people's rad ass opinions!!#also in case it's not clear the ship is not a mythological thing - mythologically Aristaeus is Dionysus' uncle and sometimes#his foster father/one of his instructors in the rustic arts or the other way around in terms of teaching it varies#people: Aristaeus is the bee guy what else is there to say#me breathing heavily: well aCTUALLY --
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And another thing-
I'm not a super big fan of the way that CK subtly reframes (through the perspective of other characters criticizing Daniel in story) Miyagi very obviously sharing his culture with Daniel out of mutual respect and affection as, instead cultural appropriation.
Why? For what purpose?
#do not get me started on the “dont be there. what. you couldnt even teach him English”#i Will start throwing rocks#ck negativity#i swear im not trying to be like thia but just i mean what#they did that to try to make him less sympathetic i think.#which. tbh. is bad writing.#ghe same way they flipped the script to Daniel being rich and johnny being working class to frame them against#each other. and in a situation where jt was obvious story telling shorthand which person you were SUPPOSED to find sympathetic#which. did NOT. need to be done. because it could've been very easy to humanize johnny#and flesh out his character. without trying to walk back or reframe his already canon characterization#because people and characters can be complex and are allowed to be more than one thing at once#which again. was better done in the first two seasons and then juat dropped?#what because they were worried the new fans werent smart enough to get it?#or because they were purposefully aiming to please those new fans who Did Not Get It#and just liked the classic rock and beer and jokes#the number of times uve seen “hes so un PC i love it!” no. like. a vwry big part of his character arc#in the first two seasons was that he was getting better about that! his entire thing with Miguel. “hes Dominican”#his entire thing like “oh. maybe violence isnt always the answer”#just to be like “lol psyche”#I would like to sit johnjoshhayden down and make them try to explain exactly why they made all these writing choices#disrespectful to the characters and the audience tbh#im fine lol
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anyone else's got a family who treats them both like a tiny little child who needs everything done for them AND a big scary abusive monster adult you leave alone and tiptoe around lest they Are Mean to you? anyone else's going fucking insaaaaane
#shrimp thoughts#like. hi. you literally gave birth to me you were there when i was barely more cognizant than a boiled potato#so WHY did you suddenly decide that this kid on the cusp of being a teenager is capable of hurting you NAY is ACTIVELY hurting you#i was a child. if anyone didn't like me 'talking back' they could have smacked me into last tuesday to teach me my place#but noooo that would be bad so instead we're going to complain to our teenage child about how Mean they are and how much it's Hurting us#and we're going to continue doing that into their adulthood! and we're going to do that as their grandma as well.#my grandma had my mother ask me if i want to go get groceries with her because she was 'scared' to do it personally. because i was a bit#annoyed when we miscommunicated earlier. howwwwww the fuck am i supposed to be human and know how to communicate#and be understanding if not a single person who raised me is capable of doing that to me. hm? /how/
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there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn
#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon#although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great#whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time#kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’#or at least triggers that i can plan around#the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one#the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni#and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis?#but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal#i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months#so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically)#so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point#obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again#i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time#BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT#‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately#personal#but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12#so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’#and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes#wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health#and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder#so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test#i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing#might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained
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i think i have to kill someone.
#WHAT.WHAT . WHAT. WHAT .#why would you bring something up from so long ago and then blame the (then) five year old . what . WHAT . HUH. weird. weiirrdddd.#so you knew? you knew? and instead of being like wow that's Not Normal you demonise the toddler that's probably...... idk.#kids don't Do That what a weird fucking thing to bring up out of NOWHERE just to immediately brush off#i think i have to kill you. i think i have to actually kill you now.#speechless. flabbergasted. i cant even talk about it its so WEIRD. CRAZY. CRAZY THING TO BRING UP#oh my god. if a child was being Like That i would assume the worst and insist someone look into thing and make sure the kid is SAFE????????#jesus. damn. what thebhhell. HUH. if its about what i think its about. it wasnt their fault? at all?#stuff Like This is complicated but jesus. JEEESSSUUUUUSSSS. dont even bring it up this late#if you KNEW. oh my god. IF YOU KNEW??????????#rant#oh my god. extremely vague do NOT ask About It i cant even. jesus. why would you keep something like that to yourself#or use it as 'gossip' or . whatever the FUCK she was doing???#idc if you have your own shit to work through. GROWN ASS WOMAN. you should've approached it with kindness and understanding? and figure out#if help was needed? its not my life its not my anything but that kid is my friend who i had to take care of instead of you FUCKING ASSHOLE#if i KNEW i wouldve at least tried to help. to understand. i hope you die a slow painful death in an empty room cause you cut everyone off#and then turned around to be WORSE . i'd tell you to killyourself but any possible method would avoid you like the damn plague#WOW. that was a lot my bad. pissed the hell off#you say shit about the kid that I!!! had to basically raise cause you were too busy being a judgmental piece of shit. ugh. grrr.#''wow thats so weird where did they even get the idea for that behaviour'' man idk but wasn't it supposed to be your job???? TO FIGURE IT OU#fuming whatever. whatever. none of this is news to me she's always been insufferable#rant .#vent#WHATEVER.#it was so long ago it just.#no reason to bring it up#but if you knew than you should've tried to do something#but you didn't. cause you're cruel and egotistical#and everyone you know hates you. and if they don't you take advantage of them.#what a woman. thanks for teaching me to go through the world with so much hate
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If romancing Anders Leandra says "I've seen the way that Anders fellow looks at you" 🥺
oh adorable
#i like to imagine this in the and they were housemates au#leandra: ive SEEN the way that ANDERS FELLOW looks at you#WINK WINK#keir: ... with his eyes... ?#anders in the next room: merrill i dont suppose you could teach me a spell for disintegrating myself into the earth
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this is LITERALLY how my teachers talked about me when i was in school and then they're surprised when i dropped out (none of them were actually. they didnt care lmao)
#“how can you be in seventh grade and not have your basic multiplication tables memorized”#GIRL YOU TELL ME????#tbf my entire year was stupid as hell couldnt name a single canadian province other than the one we live in when we were in high school#couldnt do multiplication or basic french sentences. saying this w/ love bcuz i also couldnt do those things <3#you're angry at students for being so stupid but what are they supposed to do?? they can't magically go inside their own head#and fix whatever is wrong with their brain. you're angry bcuz they dont understand but why is that THEIR FAULT#i got a lot of this esp when I was in math class. teachers angry i didnt get what they were teaching after the 1000th time#as if it wasn't worse for me being unable to understand no matter what they did. at least they get to go home at the end of the day#knowing they're smarter and better than I am#txt
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To be brutally honest, a lot of the issues with public school are because of parents. Negligent parents don’t give a shit when they get a phone call about their kid cussing out a classmate or throwing a chair, but they sure as hell care when they hear their precious baby got recess time taken away for acting up in class. Problem kids don’t care about getting sent to the office or being put in ISS, because to them, it’s a free vacation out of the classroom, and their parents don’t hold them accountable for their behavior, so they’re not scared about consequences at home, either. So then, teachers are facing pressure from “customer service mindset” admin to “handle it on their own,” which means teachers are having to constantly stop what we’re doing every five seconds to address behaviors instead of actually getting to teach the rest of the kids who do want to learn and get their work done, which ultimately puts everyone behind.
#it’s admin too tbh#in my school last year I saw two students get into a fight out of the blue from across the classroom#I called admin to come take them out#the AP emailed me later on all ‘’well what were YOU doing when this happened?’’#basically passing the blame onto me lol#apparently I’m supposed to have magic powers to physically control each kids at all times from every point in the room#meanwhile kids were back in my class the next day like nothing happened#parents were called and did not care#although one of the kids’ parents had called the office about me taking their kid’s recess time away another time#and I got in trouble for that#so basically these kids are learning they can do whatever they want with no consequences#whatever I’m done with teaching after this year#no one gives a shit about solving any of the real issues. I’m done!
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i think a thing im v passionate abt is music. or rather, listening to music. i listen to it when i work, when i drive, when i clean, when i walk. i spend several hours every day listening to music. once during a trip i didn't have the time to listen to music for several days and when i finally turned on some music it felt like the world was suddenly filled w more color and life. i once was so overwhelmed w awe and beauty listening to a song for the first time that it caused me to have a panic attack. in, like, a good way, like, wow, look at that song, it touched me so deeply that i lost control of my body for a moment. i sometimes get teary eyes or goosebumps when listening to music. i listen to the same song for hours on repeat. i don't know anything abt making music btw. i took guitar lessons for some time but im not talented or good at it and it took too much effort to continue. i love the sounds a guitar makes though. i also don't remember any music theory. i have a friend who's naturally talented at playing the guitar but they didn't enjoy it but even after years of not having picked up a guitar they can still play songs at birthday parties. i think it's funny that they are naturally good at it but they hate doing it and i love it but im not good at it at all.
#not fandom related#music#the song that caused me to have a panic attack is 'you don't know' by pieridian pool btw#anyway idk why i just made that post i was just cleaning up after dinner and listening to music and thought abt#how much i love music but how little im involved w it#maybe one day ill pick up the guitar again. its too much effort rn and i dont have the energy or time to commit myself to it#i think if i didn't have a phone or access to the internet i would just teach myself how to play the guitar#and my only hobbies would be playing the guitar and listening to music#on a different note im officially 5 months on T and ive passed to strangers 2 times so far 🥳#yesterday we got locker keys for a practical and were assigned either a key to the men's or women's locker room#and the person assigning the keys gave me one for the men's room. just basedon my looks#i don't remember if i said anything or if i just stepped up to them. i made a recording of my morning voice a few days ago#and it sounds like that typical trans guy voice early in transitioning.l#im still surprised that i pass bc i dress the same as i have been for many years. im letting my hair grow out. i got some beard hairs on my#face but they're rly sparse and i trim them every day and you can rly only see them in bright light or when standing close#so it's like. i must have changed in some way due to T that im not aware of and it's nice to pass. like a weight off my chest. or rather#im experiencing life the way it's supposed to be c:
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local man discovers he's gotten into the habit of using DBT techniques without actually being taught them because at some point he realised that the things we get the urge to do when we have strong emotions often aren't healthy and that he doesn't like how he feels afterwards so he started noticing when that was happening and going "fuck that shit" and doing the opposite instead
#personal#thoughts#Lucy post#talking to 🍬 about various stuff we do because of our social anxiety and what are probably undiagnosed BPD symptoms#and we realised he's gotten himself into the habit of paying attention to how his emotions affect his judgement#and trying to take a step back when he's experiencing an emotion that he knows gives us the urge to do stuff that's not healthy for us#and he said he felt bad about having those emotions and urges to do unhealthy stuff#at which point I was like ''okay but you're choosing not to act on that and to take a step back and do something healthier instead#which is what actually matters here and is also something that takes a hell of a lot of self-awareness and self-control''#this is shit they teach you in therapy that's difficult specifically because you're going against your brain's instincts for a situation#and we were never taught how to do it so you've just fucking taught yourself to do it instead#without actually knowing it's a specific technique that has a name#I was aware of it but had never actually looked at the instructions properly because when I stumbled across it#it was at a point where being told to go against what my emotions made me want to do felt invalidating and upsetting#I've literally just pieced together that ''oh right that's what that is and how it's supposed to work#and how it's meant to feel when you do it right''#anyway all this is to say that I keep being impressed with the amount of progress 🍬's made on learning healthy coping mechanisms#including things I could never seem to get the hang of when I was fronting more and handling more stuff#and I'm really proud of him and 🦋 and everyone else who's been handling stuff within the system and keeping things running#but also nobody in here seems to realise how much progress they've made with anything until someone else points it out#I just realised I should tag this as#happy posting#because I'm talking about stuff that's going well and where we've actually made a lot of progress
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what is it with the trend of like. artists and cooks online shitting on their fanbase and insulting them. does that even sell. its annoying as hell.
#'reviewing washi for you NEETs. its pretty like your fake girlfriend' what if i put your bones on the ouside and your marrow in your lungs?#smthn smthn i hate the idea of having a fanbase as an artist n i hate artists needing fanbases but does it rlly sell to be a dick bc to me#it just reeks. if a recipe calls me a mammoni while teaching a basic skill ill start praying for pompei 2 electric boogaloo where they live#whats the point. i dont get it. someone who gets it explain it to me#im not saying ppl gotta be nice or w/e but if your entire livelihood is based on talking down on strangers maybe you should just skip#the air of pretentiousness and just become a dom for ppl who WANT to be humiliated.#same goes for like tiktok audio of ppl shittalking themseves that gets trendy its vile and annoying#and quite frankly im glad im too old to get it if thats the issue#its annoying for both roles bc like. idk for cooks its not smthn everyone knows to do and so insulting ppl the whole time feels kinda cruel#if someones going to yr vids to learn how to cook.#for artists i just dunno why it flies. i dont know why a lot of behaviors fly for artists when we were all high n drunk and running on 2#hours of sleep in college that was like. encouraged. why is it like that. tortured artist charicature be damned#is that what its supposed to invoke? does it build confidence??? is it a fake it til you make it thing???esplain????
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the problem with wanting to learn an endangered language is how the fuck do i learn it
#stop!!! pointing me to duolingo#& then everything says it sucks for it anyway theyre like just find a tutor well thats all well and good if you live somewhere POPULATED#& most of the online ones arent even on this continent how am i supposed to deal with time zone hell... wake up its 7am teach me language#ive found some resources. im sorting through them. some links were to sites that apparently no longer offer the courses which is#so nice of them of course. of course#i need to sleep. the news about the duolingo ai shit has this worming its way back into my brain but i need to not think about it right now
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