#you were NOT an annoying child or a burden you were a child behaving like a child

[transgenderboobs]

actually umm i hate jon's grandmother soooo much like. jon was like "yeah my grandmother resented having me in her house and made me feel like i was a burden for (checks notes) becoming an orphan before elementary school and daring to behave like a child. this is my fault tho and she was right"

[stargirlrchive]

ocean eyes: chapter two ✩ jake sully

masterlist ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ ocean eyes masterlist

summary: widow!jake sully x female!reader, 10 year age-gap. jake is lowkey sunshine <3 reader is grumpy! arranged marriage/marriage of convenience, eventual smut + wc - 1,753

comments: part two lovers, i love reader, she's is slay girl boss fr ! idk what to say lmao but tysm for the love on part one, i hope you love this just as much! also omg pls check this out, @saltsacc drew what they think reader looks like and she's gorg! i litch cried ! but okay bye lovers <3 part three should be up on thursday <3

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The morning time had come quickly, the bright sun hitting your features and it disrupted your wonderful slumber. But if the sun hadn't woken you up, your sister's voice certainly would have. “Tsmuke! You need to be ready by now. Oh Great Mother, give me strength!”

You rubbed at your sleepy eyes, throwing her an annoyed glance, “Why are you being so strange? They are just other Na’vi. Or let me guess, Eywa has let you know they are of importance?”

Ronal pinched at her nose, “If you must know, he is Toruk Makto. He was the Olo’eyktan of the Omatikaya. He is important, more than you know!”

You laughed quietly, “Do not let Tonowari hear you, you sound enamored.”

“Stupid girl!”

You laughed louder, shaking your head as you stretched before getting up. “Make haste!”

You hissed at her lightly, your good-hearted nature wearing thin as she rushed you. You quickly washed your face, Ronal helping you by fixing up your hair. “Oh Eywa, you are preparing me like I am going to marry the man!”

She said nothing, her nervous fingers quickly braiding a few pearls into your hair. “What is so special about him anyway?”

“Did you not hear what I said? He is Toruk Makto.”

You huffed in annoyance, “Of course I heard you sister, but-” Your shoulders shrugged, “How mighty can he be if he left his whole clan behind?”

She smacked your shoulder roughly, “Ow! Ronal-”

“Must you always be so crass? His mate died a few years back.”

“How did she die?”

“Protecting her children, in the battle field. I do not know much else.”

You bit down on your bottom lip, instantly feeling guilty, “Oh.”

“Yes, oh. So be kind to him, to all of them.”

“You may think poorly of me sister, but I am not mean.”

Ronal’s fingers stilled in her movements, face scrunching up as she mulled over what you said, “I do not think poorly of you.”

You didn't say anything else, toying with your fingers as you sat in front of Ronal, “Tsmuke, I do not think poorly of you.”

You grumbled out quietly, “You already said that.”

“I-I just want what is best for you, and at times I do not think you know how to find that for yourself.”

“Ronal, I am happy.”

“You are reckless! You think I do not know why you behave the way you do? You want the attention you lacked as a child, but you are grown now. There are responsibilities and duties you must fulfill.”

Her harsh words caused tears to well to your eyes, pulling away from her, “You do not listen!”

“And you do not obey!”

“Why should I? You are my sister, not my mother! Just because you ended up happy with Tonowari does not mean I will end up happy with whoever you stick me with. I love my freedom far too much to give it up.”

She sighed in exasperation, “Well that is not your decision. It is the Great Mother’s and she has spoken to me.”

It dawned upon you then, what all this was about. The enthusiasm to have you meet the Toruk Makto, dressing you up. “You are planning to mate me with that man?”

There was a glimmer of guilt in her eyes, but it was shaken away as she nodded her head. “He is a good man, with a strong heart. He will be good for you.”

Your words were low, quite with disbelief, “I cannot believe you.”

Ronal said nothing, “I always knew you wanted me out of your life, too much of a burden for you and Tonowari but I did not expect you to push me into the arms of the first man you saw!”

A spike of pain ran through Ronal, this is exactly what she feared. She made her way to you, the apology already starting to fall from her mouth but your shaky finger pointing at her stopped her movements. “Stop! Don’t-do not come near me!”

Your ears flattened against your head, the words getting caught in Ronal’s throat as she watched your eyes pool with tears. “Please get out so I can change.”

Ronal’s fear of hurting you even more had her walking out of the marui, leaving you to wallow in your own pity as you dressed yourself.

Tonowari instantly wrapped Ronal into his arms, rubbing against her back to soothe her, “Wari, she is going to hate me for the rest of her life.”

He shushed her quietly, having heard everything that happened, “No she will not, Yawne. You know how nervous you were before we actually mated. It is a big step in our lives, we just need to let her be.”

Ronal let herself bask in the warmth Tonowari provided, pulling away just a few seconds before you stepped out. Ronal’s eyes scanned over you, you looked so beautiful. She wanted to compliment you but knew you'd take it as mockery, some sort of jab to make you feel worse. So she said nothing, walking besides Tonowari and you followed quickly behind the two.

You were far more quiet than normal, and it hit Ronal just how much she actually enjoyed your inability to remain quiet. Tonowari called your name, “Did you hear me?”

“No-I did not.”

“I said I think he will be good for you.”

“If you say so.”

The pair shared a look, your tame behavior caused a sense of worry to nestle into Ronal. They entered the marui of Jake Sully, the Na’vi was sharpening his knives but other than that, it was empty. Tonowari cleared his throat, Jake’s head snapped up and was greeted with the three of you. “Tonowari, Ronal-oel ngati kameie.”

His eyes shifted to you, your eyes were already locked on him and Jake felt his ears twitch. Ronal uttered your name out, “This is my Tsmuke.”

“Oel ngati kameie, Jake Sully.”

“Oel ngati kameie.”

He noticed your intricate top, your pretty hair and how your skin glowed beautifully against the sun. He felt his throat instantly dry up the more he took you in. “We spoke briefly yesterday of your stay here.”

“Oh, yes.”

“The Tsahik and I have discussed what we wish for you to be able to stay. We know you have come seeking Uturu, a fresh start but we must also ensure this is safe for the clan. Beneficial to our people. You understand?”

Jake nodded his head, he more than most understood what it was like to make decisions that he did not entirely want for the prosperity of the clan. “Well, we can allow you and your family to stay if you mate with a woman of the Metkayina Clan. More specifically, with her.”

Your ears turned downwards slightly, but still you held his gaze. That was certainly not what he expected. “We understand that it may be hard to just thrust this upon you, so we will give you both time to adjust. She will be the one to train you, help you adjust to life near the water.”

A swift flicker of anger made its way to your eyes, turning towards Tonowari, “I do not have time to train him.”

“Well then you will make time.”

Your eyes rolled back, anger seeping into his family home from you alone. Jake would be lying if he said he did not enjoy seeing you so agitated, especially when it came to him. He fought the smile that was trying to make its way to his face the more he watched you. “What do you say, JakeSully?”

Your eyes jumped back to him, there was a look in your eyes that he could not quite place but it excited him beyond belief, “If that is what you wish. I only hope I can speak to my children about this before the clan is made aware?”

Your mouth dropped slightly in disbelief, confusion webbing its way into your mind as to why he would agree to this so willingly. You thought you'd have time, time to be on your worst behavior around him so he can back out before he even agreed. But no, he had already said yes to you.

Your arms crossed over your chest stubbornly, huffing out a breath of annoyance as you watched the smallest of smiles fall across his features. Ronal was trying her best to contain her excitement, she had always wanted you to mate with someone, and it appeared that the time was soon.

She turned to look at you and was unsurprised to find you glaring at the Toruk Makto, your lip jutting out in an angry pout. “Very well, JakeSully. Make your preparations and we will announce it during a feast a few weeks down the line, yes?”

He only hummed, eyes still locked onto yours. You rolled your eyes at him, he was clearly enjoying himself, “Can I leave now?”

Ronal called your name but you ignored her, walking fast out of the home and towards the beach.

Tonowari’s mouth turned into a thin line as he sent an awkward look towards Jake. “She is very kind, just-strong willed.”

A quiet laugh left Jake’s mouth, “I can see that.”

He walked with the two out of his mauri, his eyes scanning the waters and he locked onto your form, jumping head first into the water as an ilu swam towards you. Ronal tsk’ed quietly, “She is going to ruin her clothes.”

Jake watched you retreat further into the water, your animal easily gliding along as you got smaller and smaller. “Are you sure she will show up to train me?”

Jake’s eyes moved over to Tonowari, “Yes, I will make sure of it.”

Jake’s fingers reached his forehead, signing them goodbye as they walked away. He let out a quiet breath, his thoughts consumed with excitement and wonderment at just how these next few weeks may play out.

Your feelings on the matter were entirely different, anger coursing through your veins as you swam out past the reef.

Ao’nung and Tsireya shared a look, noticing the angry glare on your face when you didn’t even bother to stop and talk to them. “Should we tell Sa’nok and Sempul?”

Ao’nung shook his head at his younger sister, “Ma’ will pluck her eyes out for real this time.”

Tsireya fumbled with her fingers nervously, “Ao’nung, it is going to storm, she didn’t look to be thinking clearly-”

He watched your form retreating farther and farther, heading towards the Three Brothers rocks. “If she does not return in an hour we will call for father.”

Tsireya sighed quietly but listened all the same, returning back to her task at hand. “So, you must learn to breathe from here.” She pointed to her stomach, “Take deep breaths, fill your lungs and slow your heart. It will assist with staying underwater longer.”

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Three hours had passed by and you were still out past the reef, finding refuge in the mountains as the waters turned violent, your ilu having swam away as it noticed the dangers of the water. You huffed out in frustration, Ronal was truly going to kill you now.

Ao’nung was the first to notice just how late it had become. By the way the sun was hitting just a few moments ago, he could tell that well more than an hour's time had passed, and you were still not back. The water rocked them violently, and Tsireya’s sharp gasp of air at seeing a lone ilu swimming back only furthered his fear for you. His parents were going to kill you.

“Tsireya-”

“We must cut the training short, we will see you all tomorrow.”

Both Ao’nung and Tsireya swam quickly back to shore, leaving behind four confused Omatikaya Na’vi. “Their aunt, she’s-how do I put this nicely-rebellious?”

Rotxo laughed quietly, shaking his head as he watched his two friends swim as fast they could back to the beach. “Lets head back, no point in training with the waters like this.”

The two siblings entered their marui, surprised to find Jake sitting with their parents, they both dipped their heads to the former Olo’eyktan before turning to their parents, “Have you seen Tanhí?”

“That is why we are here, Sa’nok.”

Ronal’s brows raised in question, noticing the tremble of worry in her daughter's voice, “She-she left past the reef a few hours ago.”

Ronal swore she felt her blood pressure go up, feeling woozy at her sister's complete disregard for rules. “But-”

“But what?”

Ao’nung watched his younger sister's ears pin to her head, losing her voice, “But she has not returned, and the ilu she rode on did. She rode in the direction of the Three Brothers.”

Tonowari let out a deep breath, his head throbbed roughly as he looked out to see how violent the waters were. “I will be back shortly.”

“Sempul-the water is dangerous.”

“Yes, but knowing your Aunt the trouble she is in is more volatile than the waters.”

Jake noticed how calm the breeze was despite the rain, it was perfect weather to take flight. “I know where Three Brother’s rocks are. I can fly on my Ikran, it is safer than you riding out on a Tsurak.”

Ronal protested quickly, knowing her sister, “I do not think that is a good idea, JakeSully.”

He felt a bit of disappointment settle into his chest, he couldn’t help it, he was so intrigued by you. And truth be told, maybe it was a stupid part of him, but he liked the idea of saving you. Or at least helping you. From what he had heard, you were more than capable to fend for yourself. “It really is no big deal, I will be back quickly.”

He was hoping his eagerness was not evident in his voice, and with the worried look Ronal shared with Tonowari he was sure it wasn’t. “We should let him? Yes-might ease your sister's resistance if he’s the one to go for her?”

Tonowari was asking, but Ronal knew he had already made up his mind. She sighed quietly, “Fine-sure. Just-I cannot guarantee she will greet you with a warm smile.”

Jake refrained from thumping his tail in excitement, “It’s fine. I will not take it to heart.”

Jake quickly made his way outside, calling for Bob just as his children made their way towards the beach. “Sir?”

Neteyam, his oldest, was looking at him in confusion. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, I will be back shortly.”

He sent all of them a smile, instructing his Ikran to take flight. The air got colder the further he was from the beach and it caused a shiver to run down his spine. He was well past the reef, and searching for you within ten minutes. As his Ikran gently flew around he caught the blur of teal blue amongst one of the tall rocks. His head shook, a laugh threatening to fall from his mouth, as even from this far away you looked upset.

He did not know you, but he was curious, beyond interested in knowing you. There was a deep itch in the back of his brain that seemed to only simmer at the thought of you. Call him stupid, he had only caught a few glimpses of you, but he felt the pull. He hoped you felt it too.

With quick glides he was by your side, dismounting Bob with ease as he sent you a smile. Your eyes narrowed in on him, annoyance clear as day on your features. Jake’s lips tugged gently, refraining from cracking you a toothy smile. “Why are you here?”

“Hello to you too.”

You grumbled out angrily, arms crossing along your chest as you looked away from him. “I am here to take you back.”

Your thick tail swayed behind you in annoyance, “I was perfectly fine here. Waiting for the storm to pass.”

“I am sure you were, but I am here now. So let me take you back.”

You did not like the tone he had with you, his accent thick with humor as he watched you. It only caused your irritation to spike up. “I do not know you. Plus I am not used to riding on-those bird things. I rather not.”

Bob huffed at your words, clacking loudly at you. “They’re Ikrans, and very smart.”

Jake was sure his voice was dripping with his amusement, he couldn’t help it. You made him laugh. “I know what they are!” You all but shrieked, “Does not make me trust them anymore so.”

Jake laughed, shaking his head at you. Your eyes narrowed in on him, irritation flowing through you so deeply you refrained from yelling at him. You hissed at him, and it caused a harder laugh to leave his lips.

“If you keep me here for any longer, Tonowari will come searching for us. You are already in trouble with your sister. Do you wish to make it worse?”

“I am not a child!”

“That is very obvious, so why make this harder than it needs to be?”

Jake quickly mounted his Ikran, he was almost positive you would follow after him. You weighed your options, you knew Ronal would be angry with you, should you really test your luck?

You groaned out in frustration, walking towards Jake and his Ikran. This was far scarier than taming a Tsurak, you would have no control on the animal. His five fingered hand extended to you, and you could not help but stare. His fingers were scarred, and calloused, slipping your fingers together as he pulled you up.

You swiftly threw a leg over the Ikran, shifting farther back on the animal as you were pressed too close to him. “Hold on.”

“I am fine as I am.”

He shook his head, creating Tsaheylu with his Ikran and the animal instantly jolted forward. You were thrown back lightly, hands instinctively wrapping around his waist to keep you steady. If you could see Jake’s face he was sure you’d hiss at him once again. The smallest of smirks fell onto his features.

The cool wind caused a shiver to run down your back, admiring how beautiful the island looked even in the darkness of the storm. You peaked your head to look ahead, frowning deeper the closer you arrived to the beach. “I hope you know I could have made my way back without you.”

“And I do not doubt that.”

“Good.”

As you both landed, you could see Ronal’s angry face as she stomped towards you. “Here we go.”

Jake helped you dismount, jumping quickly down after you. “See what I mean! Reckless!”

You rolled your eyes at your sister, walking straight past her and towards your home. Jake could see the exhaustion on Ronal’s face. He would be lying if he said he did not sympathize with her. It was clear that she cared for you deeply, but there were some lines blurred between the two of you. “Thank you, JakeSully.”

Jake only dipped his head down at the Tsahik, watching your figure retreat farther away.



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[resurrection-of-soul]

Flashback | BIOHAZARD 1

Writer: Akira (日日日)

Characters: Rei, Kaoru, Koga, Adonis

Rei: I see no merit to behaving mulishly. After all this time, no matter what manner of disgraceful self I expose to you, I am certain none of you will hate me…♪ Kaoru: Ahaha. I seriously hate that kind of arrogant behavior~! And like, the fact it’s totally true makes it even more annoying ♪

[ For the best viewing experience, please read directly on my blog! ♪ ]

Time: February, During the First Year of ES's Establishment

Location: ES Building, Rhythm Link Office

Rei: We find ourselves in circumstances most dire. Of late, many a fan hath lost interest in we UNDEAD. Though this hath felt to be the trend for quite a while, the numbers now render it an undeniable fact. The dwindling attendance at live concerts, waning CD sales, merchandise transactions and sundry other metrics serve as proof.

Kaoru: Huh, no way? That's surprising~ ...Personally, I feel like we've got way more fans screaming in excitement at our autograph sessions these days compared to back when we were still at Yumenosaki. Rather than losing fans, hasn't our fanbase just, like, changed? I mean, ever since we started working at ES, we've been participating in more child-friendly stuff like variety shows, yeah? Kids don't have a ton of pocket money, so it's hard for them to buy things like CDs or concert tickets... That just makes it seem like our popularity's going down when looking at sales data, right?

Koga: Hmph, you seem like a rich brat with more money than sense, but you've got a pretty good understandin' of the average person's budget.

Kaoru: I've been through more hardship than you might think, y'know. My parent's¹ pretty strict.

Adonis: Haha. We have been in the industry so long that we've grown desensitized to it, but concert tickets would be pretty expensive for a normal child. On top of that, if they keep asking their parents to buy these things for them over and over, their parents will eventually tighten their purse strings.

Kaoru: Yeah, totally. They'll be all like, "Go get a textbook instead of wasting money on that kinda useless junk."

Adonis: Have you been told that before?

Kaoru: Not directly. But when I said I wanted to go to an idol-training school, my parent's response was super sarcastic.

Rei: 'Twould seem we hath drifted slightly from the topic at hand. To return to the salient point, even if one were to take into account the extenuating circumstances Kaoru-kun mentioned, the fact is, our sales are undeniably poor. If I may be so blunt, we, UNDEAD, are on the decline.

Koga: This's exactly why I was against appearin' in cheery shit like variety shows, it ain't suited to our image at all. If we'd strengthened our main weapon by makin' cool music, then—

Adonis: I think that would have made us fall off much sooner. We would have been treated as outdated idols who cannot read the mood and do not understand the times. Or rather, I think those kinds of considerations are exactly why our senpai decided to take on all sorts of work which you ridiculed as being frivolous, Oogami.

Rei: Nay, we did so simply because we wished it. Just as Koga says, 'tis we who are at fault.

Koga: Wh-what the hell? It ain't like you to just own up to your mistakes.

Rei: I see no merit to behaving mulishly. After all this time, no matter what manner of disgraceful self I expose to you, I am certain none of you will hate me…♪

Kaoru: Ahaha. I seriously dislike that kind of arrogant behavior~ And like, the fact it's totally true makes it even more annoying ♪ Oh and, you tend to be way too quick to blame everything on yourself. UNDEAD's problems are problems for us all, so don't try to shoulder all the burdens alone.

Adonis: Mn. Sakuma-senpai does do that from time to time. We are not children who cannot take responsibility.

Koga: Yeah, that kinda thing seriously pisses me off~ ♪

Rei: Oh dear…? Am I more hated than I had initially surmised…?

Kaoru: We're complaining because we like you, alright? If we didn't, we wouldn't care what you do at all.

Rei: Alright… At any rate, our current predicament is a result of our wishy-washy attitude. Originally, we fashioned ourselves as a radical and immoral unit exclusively devoted to the realm of rock. However, of late, we hath been doing the very opposite, delving into the likes of variety shows and other casual jobs which aim to emphasize our approachable disposition. Such conduct runs counter to our "true nature." These days, folks oft muse, "Huh? Those UNDEAD guys look scary, but aren't they surprisingly friendly?" Consequently, we hath broadened our repertoire of jobs... Yet, those who were enamored of the old UNDEAD feel now disillusioned.

Koga: Cause we put the cart before the horse, didn't we? What we shoulda done was cater to those old fans. They're our real audience, not those frivolous new fans who feel like they know us just cause they saw us on some crappy variety show.

Rei: Nay, both are important. Naturally, we must cherish the long-time fans who hath thus far given us their stalwart support. However, if we do not attract new fans, then ours will be but a short-lived spark, doomed to fade away and disappear as like the light from a hand-held firework. Such is the reality of the idol industry to which we belong— Or rather, that of the entertainment industry entire. 'Tis not the sort of gentle, fairytale world where one who works hard shall always be rewarded with success and eternal love.

[ ☆ ]

Kaoru almost certainly means his father, but because he's persistently using the gender-neutral term 親, I'm just going to keep it as "parent," even though that reads a little strangely in ENG.

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[dumbviolet]

Coz I was the GROUPIE!!!

The biggest fear of mine is being called an "Attention Seeker" or a "Pick me girl". It's hard to not be afraid when your own mum calls you that(P.S. She's the loveliest mom and people do mistakes) When I try to analyse as to why I am afraid of it or what me think of myself as such a person,this is what I reflected upon: A] I always think that I'm annoying or bothering someone just by asking for help in always up for being an emotional support for someone else but when it comes to my feelings I always refrain from sharing them with anyone, not even the closest people. A sense of dread and shame washes over me whenever I try to open up. As to I'm in this situation in first place due to my terrible or dumb decisions. Well it's hard to not do so when you have a tendency of repeating your mistakes again and again. So what happened of those feelings? They bottle up and then burst into a random ✨Tuesday afternoon mental breakdown/ panick attack cum crying with your knees pressed to your chest, muffling your screams kinda session✨ So coming back to my question as to why I'm afraid of being called the A word, it partially relates to this habit. You see people like me feel that they are being a burden by sharing feelings or even crying in front of anyone. So... We want our close ones to notice that we are not okay! B] I've always felt ignored or like I was living under someone's shadow. I was bullied by my own bestfriend for whole of my school life and that gave my child self an impression that I cannot outshine on my own or can never be the spotlight and that I needed to be with her all the time to gain some interaction or acquaintance with the cool people otherwise I would be alone. But as I look back, I realise that this girl manipulated me into thinking in such a way. She made fun of all the good unique qualities I had. So I masked my personality and trained myself to adopt whatever other peers thought was cool and got them spotlight. ( Here's the definition of people pleasing) But I guess this pattern made me an Attention Seeker apparently. C] Lastly, my body dysmorphia. You see, once I thought that every problem in my life revolved around my obesity.(spoiler alert: it didn't) This may sound pathetic but I wanted the little limelight from the opposite gender. (Now but me some slack here. Everyone was going through puberty and that bitch hit me really late) so needless to say, guys were nowhere around this THICCC GIRLY. But since I've lost the heavy robe of shame that I dragged for a long time I realised that guys are jerks anyways and so are some bitches. It's just that the skinny ones just have to tolerate a lot of them. (No offence to the 'boys' out there, but you too know the truth) it's just really hard to find those "golden retriever, eyes only on me" guys. Glad I'm atleast over with that part for good. CONCLUSION:- I've learnt following lessons the hard way. 1. Sharing your feelings is not being a burden on the other person. It's only the matter of choice of your inner Circle and if you find those right people fortunately then those people will never trigger such thoughts in the first place. 2. Never kill your own excitement about ANYTHING whether it be the smallest of all. What makes you happy, MAKES YOU HAPPY!!! and no bitch's opinion should matter. If anyone says you are being over, just fart away from them. Stay weird. 3. The opposite gender attention is not everything in the world. When you are happy with your own company, your happiness radiates which automatically attracts genuine people. So first love yourself to be able to love another human being. Now, it's not like you always have to be the bigger person and behave in the above specified manner, you can be petty sometimes and send angry death threats to your hate interests(I'm kidding don't do that or just block that person right away and forget you ever did that) you can send cringe texts. But those are the things for "sometimes" This was my guide to "How NOT to be an Attention Seeker" Signing off.

[olderthannetfic]

post/692135292953624576: what OTNF is talking about isn’t an *essential* part of gender or biology. What she is talking about is basically how a child is trained/encouraged to behave generally. And society does differentiate between how AMAB and AFAB children are expected to behave. Undoing all that baggage and differentiating between “I want to be this kind of person” and “I do this because I was taught to” is a lifetime effort. It doesn’t make someone less a man or woman to not have the 1/2.

--

post/692135292953624576: training as other men or women. (And NB folx also have complicated relationships with it). And there are cis men and cis women who don’t exhibit the expected behaviours (frequently they are subjected to mocking by society). TL:DR OTNF is talking about nonessential, socially imposed differences in how we raise children based on how we perceive their gender and how that influences their adult life. NOT “men are this by definition” vs “women are this by definition.” 2/2

Well said.

And I specifically would not use 'masculine' or 'feminine' or any terminology like that because the traits I'm thinking of most are some fairly invisible ones that aren't the stereotypical masculine/feminine ones.

Let's talk about a specific practical example to illustrate:

You might stereotype women as "nurturing", but you probably don't stereotype them as "better planners".

One area I've noticed a lot of trans women struggling in is the kind of gendered expectations and behavior outlined in that feminist comic You Should've Asked.

Part of being socialized female is being asked to take on an unfair burden. An adult is rarely interested in taking on this burden consciously and all at once. Even if they were willing, their ability to quickly absorb all that teaching is not great. A lot of the trans women I've known are understandably annoyed when a bunch of expectations slap them out of nowhere and those expectations seem shitty, boring, and hard. They often push back because it's "unfair", not realizing that the cis woman they're talking to has already been doing all this work.

What they don't realize is that this burden is part of passing. Not jumping in to shoulder the mental load pre-emptively and unconsciously makes you read as other in a lot of cis woman-centric social spaces. It makes you less comfortable to be around. Specifically, being socialized female means having an unconscious impulse to jump in and do certain things that is hard to stop yourself from acting on. When a group is only people who are like this, no one is taken advantage of. When anybody who does not participate enters the space, they start taking an unfair chunk of the attention/time/free labor from other members. The immediate unconscious instinct for self preservation says to get rid of the person hogging the resources. That person may have no idea or actively not want this to be the case, but since it involves everybody's bad unconscious behaviors, it is very, very difficult to put a stop to even if everyone knows what's going on and is working on the problem.

So on top of whatever transphobia and other issues a trans woman faces going into a space full of cis women, she may also come across as a boor simply because she hasn't been socialized the same way through no fault of her own. Trans men and other AFAB trans people, meanwhile, usually give off the same unconscious cues and fit in more smoothly.

Sure, not every individual, but I've seen this pattern constantly in nerd spaces among people I personally know, and I'm not talking just one or two examples either. I think it's particularly stark for rich, white trans women who previously appeared to be cishet white men at the top of the heap with few of these kinds of social expectations thrust upon them. Times a billion if they were socially awkward in the first place and society let them get away with not painfully learning things they're bad at because they passed as a man. They may have been personally kicked around by life and treated like shit for not being masculine enough or been secretly internally tortured by the ill-fitting role they were trying to play, but institutional problems haven't really hit them until now. The struggles of female socialization have often been fairly invisible to them.

I very, very persistently see this pattern where trans women are now rejected by their former supposed peers, but whatever group they'd theoretically join that's more woman-heavy also rejects them for giving off unfamiliar social cues. (And yes, sometimes transphobia, but it's not always and only that.) It's sad and it sucks, but it's not entirely on this new group for failing to recognize them as women.

I'm sure similar things happen in the other direction to trans men, but I don't tend to personally observe them.

Anyway, the point is that Contrapoints and other such women can come off as abrasive or odd to a community that runs on socialized-female social norms. Our desire to be inclusive and respect people's actual genders is a good thing, but it can make us nervous about discussing how often this kind of rejection happens and why because the minute you do, people start wondering if you too are a shitty TERF. I don't mind people sending me asks asking for clarification. Being nervous makes sense because the world is absolutely full of transphobic messages. I'm just saying it's tricky to discuss because of this.

I've seen some criticism of Contrapoints that was actually relevant to her, but a hell of a lot of it is basically "She reads wrong, and it makes me uncomfortable".

IDK if I'd like Contrapoints as a friend in person. I love her as a youtuber, but I think that, in person, her social patterns and the milieu that she clearly comes out of would not mesh well with my social circles and the experience of growing up AMAB vs. AFAB is why.

[shadowsepiphany]

State of Grace | knj.

Synopsis: Your father hated everything unordinary: bad manners, rudeness and carelessness. So why was his friend displaying every single one of those characteristics? And why do you find him so intriguing?

genre: smut

pairing: kim Namjoon x reader

rating: 18+

warnings: age gap, mature content, fingering on her dads couch,literally just filth everywhere, Dom!Namjoon, fathers best friend, reader is an adult tho! Spoiled reader coming from rich family, almost getting caught I guess.

word count: 2k

m.list

The state of grace

a condition of being free from sin.

the devil's claws and eyes turning and twisting when approaching you trying to get your white dress of grace sinking in  full deep, dark red blood. Free from sin is not reachable, at least not in the way religion was telling it. Free from burden and fault, the rules of human individuals, are separating from religion with every breath you take. 

Your father has always been a proud man. Walking through your huge mansion, head high and big smiles, as he sees you still admiring the pieces of art hanging around your foyer. They have been there since you were a child, but still they intrigued you. Cezanne's work was watching you grow up and as you walked through the different stages of becoming an adult, you always had new eyes for the piece and art in general.

You grew up, in a household where parents expected the most of you, but it wasn't bad for you, not at all, you fitted into their standards, as everything fitted into them that revolved around your family's life.

Something that was out of the ordinary though, was him.

Witted smiles, dirty jokes and skin full of ink: one of your fathers friends was everything he detested, and still, he was around a lot. 

He intrigued you, as he moved around the house, eyes deep down in thoughts, as if his steps were leading to a more important purpose than the huge mansion he was in.

He was slendering down the stairs, fast steps and unconventionally bumping into you multiple times the last few months, you started to suspect him of doing it on purpose, exactly like how he annoyed you, as if it was the only thing keeping him amused in this house, which probably wasn't far from the truth.

This Day though, a hot summer day, shining through the big glass windows of your living room, leaving the classy and expensive furniture in a white appearing light, the sun bleeding through the hours like an endless occasion, Namjoon did not behave as usual.

Your dress was angelic, thin straps holding it up and defining your collarbones, highlighted and interesting to look at and you caught him staring at you, eyes thin and eyebrows knitted, making your head spin.

He was dressed in a black shirt, slightly oversized, his tattooed arms being more prominent than ever before, as you stared back at him, cocking your head at him,  rolling his eyes at you.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” 

His Voice surprises you, as you find yourself in a slight nervous state, mind dizzying and knees trembling as you lay one leg above the other. His eyes never left yours, legs still spread, his presence taking in so much room, despite how huge it actually was.

“Like what?” you asked, voice pitched higher than it should be as you tried to get your dress to sit in place again. Desiring to avoid his obvious gaze, you stare at the roses on your little table, deep red and lovely, just like you adored them. 

“Like a whore would.”

Your mouth opens and you tear your gaze away from one of god's greatest creations to gift your attention to one of the devil's greatest creations, as he just grins at you, nowhere near as suspenseful as you were.

This was the first time he has spoken to you without your dad being right there beside both of you and immediately he was the untactfullest a person has ever been.

“Excuse me?” you breathed out, as he stood up, staring holes into your being, taking small and heavy steps, unconventionally and unique, only to sit beside you on your couch, causing you to tremble and breathe faster.

You didn't understand his intentions, but the way he moved elegantly and expressed himself clearly was making you have the deep desire to encrypt him. 

“You heard me. Do you think I haven't noticed the effect I have on you, little one? The way you are dressed up and how you are sitting there, pretty and obediently, ready for someone to destroy you?”

 His Voice fell down an octave, barely whispering and due to him being so near to your neck, he left warm breaths that made you shiver. He left you no choice but to suffer from indeterminate anxiety, trying to focus on not falling apart. You eyed the patterns of his spots, placed like decoration on his vivid features.

“Namjoon-”

“I thought you were a good girl. Now look at you, squeezing your legs at my words. You like being filthy don't you? You like disappointing your dear father?”

The mention of your father should have pulled you back to reality, but it didn't, his mesmerizing eyes putting you in a state of hypnosis, as he cocked his head, obviously waiting for an answer. You couldn't speak, overwhelmed by his behaviour but even more, by your own.

You breath hitches as a coldness runs up the skin of your legs, you noticed Namjoons fingertip going higher and higher, caressing it like it was the most fragile thing on earth, before he reached the rim of the dress you were wearing, the one that drove him crazy the whole day already.

“Is this okay?”

His Voice was pure, but intentions displayed the opposite, as you sensed your head nodding, watching his reactions from the corner of your eyes.

He continues with his motions, not wasting a glance in your direction as he goes even further, revealing everything that hid under the white sin hiding mask that was laid out on your thighs like snow on a cold winter day.

“Namjoon.” You try again, as he laughs at you, deep chuckles escaping his mouth like a certainty, making you sink deeper into his trance, senses being filled with his cologne and your desire to melt under his touch. A desire that shouldn't exist but was ultimately phenomenal.

“I didn't touch you properly, yet the only thing escaping your pretty mouth is my name. So cute.” he whispered, more to himself than to you, provokingly raising his velocity, as he drew out the lines of your underwear but it still had an effect on you.

The sunlight was turning golden, the roses you eyed earlier looking even more beautiful, your heart floundering uncontrollably at the situation. How was he telling you such dirty things but making you relax at the same time? Every tone that his body gave you, satisfied you more and was putting you in more need of him talking to you.

He made you feel like the richest person on earth, despite your hands being the spoiled ones, human inventions like capitalism were not in your mind at that moment, as he stopped just right before shedding the last layer: your underwear.

“I- I don't know what to say.” You managed to stumble, his face now nearer than ever before, his tattooed arm pressed to your bare one, making it go numb, as he only nods multiple times, sucking in his lower lip and playing with his tongue inside of his cheeks. The situation looked almost paradoxical, like a bright sunlight being darkened by an endless eclipse.

“That's okay, you don't have to. Just promise me two things, alright?” 

Now it was your turn to nod, as his hand started to caress your burning cheeks, flaming up even more under his touch as he continued to voice himself. His Words always seemed to spark some sense of brilliance in individuals that listened, but you were way too excited to fully grasp how personal Namjoons way of speaking really was.

“Promise me, to not fall in love with me. The friendship with your father is important for me.”

His request made you gulp hard, as you find your body reacting without permission, by nodding along once again. You couldn't fall in love with him, right? He was way older than you and your parents wouldn't want you to marry someone like him. The thought made you giggle a little.

“What's so funny?” He stared at you, a little smile creeping up on his own lips, making you eaze again, the fear of him getting mad disappearing in the tensed up, hot, summer air, as he started to play with your clit, leaving you gasping lightly. Even the way he pleasured you had a piece of his personality, bold and astonishing, the perfect mixture to make you clench around nothing.

“Nothing, it's just-”

He started to fasten his pace, arm placed on your lower stomach with force, a magnetic weight to feel on you, as if he would keep your body together, saving you to be split open by your own pleasure.

“What? I couldn't quite understand darling.”

His dominant tone was absorbing the rest of your consciousness, moaning uncontrollably under his control, devoted and submissive. Eyes wandering to his figure, you couldn't help but feel even more soaked by the sight of his pants growing tighter and tighter while you were moaning and breathing out his name.

Suddenly, you felt a relevant tightening in your stomach, his arm displaying more pressure to let go, which didn't go unnoticed by him. His little smile, not pure but purely evil, solely getting off on the thought of controlling you, leaving you completely out of your mind, was wandering around your head as if it was the only memory your brain would keep forever.

Everything was effective as you finally snapped, your orgasm rolling over your body, like a passion on its own, as the sweat both of you created was only visible for you now, hardly breathing, heavy eye contact and pounding hearts hanging in the air. 

“I-” you mumbled, feeling weak immediately, caused by his loss of words. His fingers were soaked, mind still flooded with ecstasy and his boner straining against the material of his pants.

“It's fine. Im not some stupid college boy that wants you to give it back to me.” He voiced amused, as you stared at his pants. Somehow, your disappointment must've been even more visible than you thought, because Namjoon started to grin, solely because of you frowning. Goddamn how much he adored girls like you.

“But I guess you do want to? Fuck, dont frown like that, or its gonna be over now already.”

Sadly, sometimes spoken words turn into realities or nightmares, as a noise was making you both aware, of the world not being shared by the two of you, two opposites sinning with each other on a couch that belongs to someone else. 

Both of you tremble at the front door being opened and familiar steps approaching you. You couldn't move, body frozen and heated up, only your heart running laps, memorable feelings of adrenaline rushes keeping you locked in this state. 

Namjoon was quicker to react, as he stood up and sat down on his previous seat, away from you, making your body immediately gasping for more and disappointment was creeping up your veins.

His nose was buried in his Book, his little act even convincing you as you found your own phone and opened it, scrolling through your twitter timeline, reading boring posts as if they were show stopping novels, that needed to be deciphered.

“Hi darling.” Your fathers Voice was warm and you smiled at him, immediately feeling bad for what you've felt, no, what you were still feeling under your innocent dress.

His attention shifted to Namjoon, as he put away his Book, following your Dad into his workroom, the loss of his presence lingering in the air and the lines he drove on your skin still burning, as if he had hands made of fire, passionate and powerful.

You huffed a hair out of your face, still gasping for air as a familiar tone but an unfamiliar message let your head spin again.

Kim, Namjoon:

Don't think we're done yet, little one. There is still a promise, you have to give me.

[nitrodame]

𝔸𝕤𝕔𝕖𝕟𝕥 (ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟜)

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢 𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐤𝐢, 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐣𝐨𝐛.

A/N: Sorry guys! I ended up forgetting that I existed for a while and the passage of time actually happens! But it's okay, I've reentered consciousness and am ready to update this fic more normally, that's what I'm hoping for anyway! Sorry this chapter is so short but now the slow burn has finally begun! Thanks for sticking with me, love you guys <3

AO3

I / II / III / Chapter 4

You've never thought of yourself as a hysterical person. 

There were few instances you'd momentarily lost your composure over the course of your life. Times you had, perhaps, gotten a bit too agitated or dared to speak out of line, nothing overtly overzealous however. Refined was your imperial image and proper your demure voice, all marks of a "well trained" woman. Of an acceptable queen. Yes, nothing, no matter how earth shattering the revelations or horribly tragic the whispers, you'd never let your emotion stand beneath the limelight.

Even as your hands shook subtly underneath your pulsing uncertainty, you still believed that in earnest.

It was only now, after a brief breakfast and Eri's tear filled final departure, that the true choking heft of Amajiki's declaration bore mercilessly down upon your splitting back. 

Just how were you supposed to respond to such news? Should you behave like a loving wife and be elated at the return of your husband? A faithful subordinate who's been informed that their superior has returned to command? Or perhaps annoyed that a prison mate you barely know has invaded your cell? 

You had no such answer and as you casted a hesitant glance to the root cause of your turmoil, it was clear he'd offer no solution either. Tamaki's face just as afflicted as yours, his stormy dark eyes darting between the palace's many, ornate tapestries that decorated the serene dawn lit marble hallways, that you both currently roamed together without so much as a whisper. 

You wanted to grip the rim of his collar and beg him to tell you how to behave, plead with him to alleviate the burden starting to lacerate the delicate white matter of your mind. Anything, anything but what he was doing now…which was desperately trying to avoid your shifting stare.

Though you had tried to make simple conversation numerous times, it was for naught. Words and topics you'd carefully chosen, that might enlighten you to his favored disposition, had fallen to the wayside along with his short, wobbly replies. None of which illuminated your current shadow cast inquiry. Yet, despite his lack of engagement, it seemed he fully insisted on accompanying you down the winding corridor. For what reason, you weren't sure and you didn't think you'd figure it out either. Things would be much less confusing if you could read those steeled, murky indigo irises. Honestly, scripture written in ancient markings was far more friendly to decipher than him. 

"H-how are you feeling?” It was a simple question that came suddenly. One that caught you completely off guard.

“Good?” You answered with almost a knee-jerk, panicked reaction, that wasn’t becoming of you. you couldn’t help but cringe at the question teeming within your hurried response. 

One that Amajiki definitely noticed.

“Are you sure?” That was not a question, more so an opportunity he was hesitantly trying to bestow upon you. 

Tamaki was never exceptional at being discreet with his anxious tendencies nor talented with his child's play at unwavering confidence, both of which he was trying to display as he waited for you to speak. You couldn’t ignore the way he held you in his stare, a hopeful glint coloring his otherwise ink pooled irises. It was strange, you could almost swear he was asking you to confide, wanting you to speak your troubles freely and without hindrance. 

But why? You couldn’t even fathom the curve of an illusion that dared answer such a question. 

And just what did he expect you to tell him?

That you felt as if nothing more than a forgotten toy that gathered dust in his cobwebbed childhood chest? That the insatiable loneliness, you were anchored too by custom sorrow crafted gauntlets, forced an ugly emotion to grow inside your caving chest every time you heard his voice? That you wailed in the company of no one but the listless sea and her accompanying melancholy moonbeams about how your dreams, your hope, your freedom was pried away before you ever had a chance to touch it? 

Or did he want you to tell him that you blamed him for it all?

"Why does it interest you, my Lord?" You asked, words bristling with transparent hostility that stirred against a genuine curiosity.

“Oh, it-it’s just…you seemed so…upset after Eri and Mirio departed-” Tamaki explained timidly, wearing an distressed look as if he was a guilt ridden child being harshly scolded. “I-I wanted to make sure you..were okay.”

You paused, quietly studying his ever shrinking form. Were you okay? Was he really asking you that?

“Of course I am, please don’t worry yourself.” You assured with false credence, an empty smile on your lips. 

The way Tamaki just…stared at you after your mockery of a smile faded made your skin ripple with an alien unease. It was a long and potent somber contemplation that didn’t shy away even under the stern warning of your soft glare.You couldn’t help the way you cowered under his eyes, a vulnerability you didn’t like fashioned its threaded twine around your neck as his familiar pain hung you. You could hear his disheartened stare concede to your deception. Though it was Amajiki that shook, even now in your presence, you were the one who receded into dread. 

You lied to him and he knew you did. 

A deep sigh fell from his lips as he tore away his crestfallen gaze, accepting your lie with an equally forced smile. 

“I understand...”

Don’t say it like that. 

“I'm glad you're alright…”

Stop it.

Why was he acting as if neither of you had lied since the very first time you both beheld each other within intertwined webs that carried the same wretched fate? Lies are what held the other’s hands steady in matrimony, lies were what spurred his lips to press against yours with tongues filled with meaningless vows. Lies were the only reason you both could live with what has been taken away. 

“I suppose then-” He started. 

Amajiki had done the exact same sin to you just a night ago and he dared now to make the uncharted chasm within the delicate lattice of your framework falter with a kindred sadness you didn’t ask for. It provoked you as it begged to be mended, the same way your sadness begged for and was always denied. How cruel, forcing you to kneel in front of the mirror of despair and expect you not to glimpse your own reflection. How could you turn away? How could your hands replicate the cracks he made you bear? How could you ignore your own suffering in different eyes? It wasn't fair. He wasn’t being fair.

Your fingers hastily pulled at the hemmed cusp of his sleeve, your meager hold stopping his retreat before it ever began. 

“The garden,” You spoke with a foreign tone, one that you didn’t believe was your own. “The flowers are…in bloom.”

You swallowed hard as you could feel his stunned gaze upon your shoulders, a breath not shared between you as the air seemed to thin. 

“If you could spare the time, I can show them to you.” You concluded quietly, not daring to let go.

✦✧✦✧

“Lonicera Caerulea or Blue Honeysuckle are quite a wonderful type of edible flora.” You informed as your fingers traversed the soft skin of the oblong, blue fruit that gathered in small clusters along the flowers' many branches.  “This one plant has so many uses.”

“They’re very fragrant.” Tamaki murmured with clear interest, studying the strange shape of the fruit with childlike wonder. “Can you really eat them?”

“Yes but these aren’t ripe yet. They’re still blue.” Gently, you pulled off a small berry before breaking in it half, revealing its green insides. “When the berries become fully ripe they turn a beautiful almost blackened purple and the insides are no longer green. It can take a while though.”

“I didn’t know such a plant was native here.” Tamaki said surprised, he’d never seen the plant’s dusky blue fruits or their long, pointed leaves within the reaches of his kingdom.

“They’re not.” You sighed wistfully as you handed the fruit to Tamaki, who hesitantly took it in his palm. You turned your attention back to the blooming plant as you reached for its hanging leaves. “They were a parting gift. They belong in a land far away from here…or so I’ve been told.”

“I see…” he whispered, silently watching the way you tenderly caressed the honeysuckle’s leaves, it seemed as if their unique feel climbed up your fingertips like vines grown from a forlorn but cherished remembrance.

Tamaki looked at the fruit resting within his palm, he didn’t know anything about this plant or the unripe blue berries that mimicked a moonlight night’s obstinate hue. He didn’t know anything about you or the midnight shadow that casted a dark glow over your existence. You were as your beloved flower, foreign and shaded…

You stood stunned as Amajiki, despite your warning, ate a piece of the unripe fruit. He coughed as the bitterness of the berry exploded onto his tongue, his face scrunching up with distaste as he swallowed quickly. 

“I told you they weren’t ripe. They won't taste good.” You admonished lightly, confusion lacing your voice.

“I know.” He mumbled before putting the other half of the berry into his mouth, the same sour expression dawning upon his features.

“Why are you eating it then?” you asked, completely stupefied by Amajiki’s actions.

“I don’t mind if they're bitter.” he rasped, wiping away the tart juice that lingered on his lips. “I just wanted to know something about it, even if it’s just what the unripe berries taste like.”

You stared at him, mystified by his simple reasoning. He’d assault his taste buds just so he could know more about the plant? Was he really that determined to learn? 

 A full body shiver ran down his shoulders in a way that conjured a picture of a trembling kitten and you couldn’t help yourself-

You giggled at his eccentricity.

Tamaki’s eyes widened at the resonant sound that entered his elven ears, his face blooming with rose as you hurried to cover your mouth, trying futilely to suppress the fantastical, rare music that your chest never composed for anyone but Eri. It was but a modest, single note, not the grand orchestra crafted for the little girl but it boisterously echoed just the same. Most remarkable of all? It was he who made the violin’s strings play. He did. No one else. 

And it was the most exquisite scale he’s ever heard.

“If you wanted to know more, I could've just told you. I tend to this plant myself so I know quite a bit about it.” You hummed after your tone became more tranquil. You didn’t seem to notice the enthralled lull you pulled the man at your side into with your saccharine music. 

“O-oh r-right…” Amajiki whispered after a beat, remembering he needed to respond even if his breath had been stolen. However, when you told him you cared for the flower on your own, an emboldened pluck of courage found its way into his lungs. “U-um if you wouldn’t m-mind…I’d like to, um…to..”

“Would you like to help me with it sometime?” As his confident nerve seemed to wane, you took his question as your own, alleviating him of his internal pressure.

“I-I’d like that.” Tamaki smiled gratefully, accepting your invitation with an unparalleled happiness. 

“Now over here are the roses…”

You really were so kind to him.

✦✧✦✧

You sat alone, gaze transfixed on the garden that looked quite minuscule from your elevated spot on the window seat. You found yourself returning to the untouched study that lied far from all else, isolated from the scuttle of maids and butlers that weren’t your own or the chattering of advisers who never knew your name. Away from them and away from him. You could think here, you could reflect here. You didn’t have to pretend within the walls of this haven.

Your knees hugged to your chest, your features scowling as you reminisced about the morning. Your brief interaction left an unpalatable taste on your tongue, it poured forth from a well of anxiety you didn't fully know the source of. Why did you finish his question? Why not let it die as so many of his words were destined to do? You knew he wouldn’t accompany you, let alone tend to your plant on his own. Amajiki couldn’t be bothered amidst his royal obligations and mundane meetings, so why on earth did he even bother to ask? And why, of all things, did you for even a moment find him…endearing? 

That wasn’t you. You didn’t feel that. He didn’t make you feel that. It was a misplaced fondness, you missed Eri badly and Tamaki, for a second, resembled a small characteristic of her. That’s all it was, all it ever would be. 

You had rather an enlightened understanding of emotions, despite your own dwindling stock of them, you could identify them in those around you quite well. You could discern from even the slightest shift in vocal tone, a sudden but disappearing quirked brow, or the immeasurable changing sway of the way a person stood idly, all of it spoke to you as if a squall. A long suffrage of detached observation gifted you with such a skill, perhaps it was life's attempt at a consolation prize, a little reward for putting up with a never-ending flow of dreary days. You were quick to notice and even quicker to appeal…you needed that talent right now, more than anything. But as much as you wished for it, the level of understanding you gifted to others was something you could never give to yourself. 

And it was killing you.

Your knuckles whitened as they gathered up corners of your dress, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip as did what you could to quell the stirring inside your heart.

You didn’t want him here. You didn’t want to be around him, you couldn’t. Just like you couldn’t handle this towering swell of displaced emotion, you wanted it to go away. You wanted everything to go away.

Your hazy eyes caught on the corner of the old desk, the small box lonesome in the same spot it sat on your birthday, unopened, unwanted. It was mocking you, for not understanding him, for not understanding yourself. Laughing at you, the same way Amajiki was surely doing when you parted from him. You glared angrily at it, perhaps hoping the hellfire of your stare would cause it to melt away. It dared to remain despite your burning protest, timid and insistent in its unmoving presence.

You stood with a start, grabbing the black box off the desk with unnecessary force. You pulled your arm back, preparing to launch it at the innocent bookshelf that unfortunately found itself in the path of your blazing fire. The soft velvet gracing against your skin forced you to pause; You lowered your arm when you felt it, your thumb dragging across its fuzzy fabric. 

What were you doing? 

You covered your weary eyes with a shaking hand as you held the black velvet box tightly in your palm. Carefully, you placed it back down on the desk's surface, resting it on the same spot it had been as you sighed deeply.

You really were losing your mind, weren't you?

[kagakuoniryu]

HELLOOOO

Here i am, AGAIN.

(I'm the person that asked abot the sa thing✨) I REALLY LIKED THAT. I hope that it didn't take you too much time-

BUT NOW HEAR ME OUT-

So, the reader is starting to feel depressed and useless and their reaction to this is that they get dumb, like they stop talking and there's no way to let them vent or anything, and they're in a relationship with a character x (you can choose !!) and it's something that happens a lot. (like monthly depression or something like that) and so the character is used to it and knows how to behave

It would be so cool!! AND HELP I HAVE SOO MUVH HC IN MY MIND 7FCOVR88O

Synopsis :

Reader is depressed and started to feel nupb about everything

Character :

Venti

Xiao

Kokomi

Childe

Diluc

Kaeya

Ei

Scaramouche

Warning :

Mentions of depression and feeling nothing, otherwise comfort, let me know if I have to had something

A/N :

Hi! I'm glad you liked the request I made for you! Don't worry usually they don't take much time when I don't proofread them (and it happen a lot since I can't stay focused for more than 10 min) since you said I could choose I gave some love to my own genshin crush/mains and character I would like to write for I hope that's okay with you, I kinda assumed that you meant numb and not dumb in the way you described it, if that's not the case let me know and I'll remake the request correctly or change this one!

And since there is a lot more character the heacanon will be shorter sorry but I couldn't really choose between them, I even decided to not put some like xingqiu or it would be too much

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Venti :

Venti himself feel depressed, that's why he drink so much alcohol, to not think about it, but contrary to you he mask it with his playfulness, and things started to get better for him since he started dating you

The first time you got your monthly depression he freaked out, since you stopped talking to him he assumed you got tired of him and wanted to push him away

But to his surprise you still spent time with him, you just, didn't talked whilde doing so

He waited for you ti come to him, he may be a bit of a pushover but he know boundaries, and when after a week or two he saw you getting better and talking again he thought it was just a phase, something must have happened and it got better

But then next month it hapoened again, and you got better, and down again

At this point he realized it was just a monthly depression, when it would it you he would just let you know that if you wanted to vent to it he was totally there for you no matter what, but understood if you didn't wanted to, he got extra clingy during this time too, making sure you know you're cared for

He might even go as far as to not spend some evening annoying diluc at the tavern to be with you, and for venti, that say that you have a very special place in his heart

After a few times he becomes really good at it

If I had to rate genshin men on this one, I'd gave venti a 8,5/10 he might not figure it out immediately but get really good at comforting quickly

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiao :

Xiao is busy most of the time due to the nature of his job, and when he isn't fighting he struggles with his karmic debt

This isn't exactly like a depression, but it's not far from it, and it's not pleasant either

During some of worst day he refuse to acknowledge anyone, even you his significant other and is unable to say anything

So the first time your depression hit you he thought his karmic debt might have tainted you too and he freaked out

He asked you if you were okay first, he didn't wanted to seek out zhongli to check on you if it wasn't something serious

And you wanted to tell him everything you felt, but the guilt of being a burden to him was too much, you ended with a small "I'm ok" and turned back being mute

He was genuinely concerned but decided to wait and see how things evolved

And a few week later you were back to normal, you talked with him as if nothing happened

He was relived but a part of him knew it wasn't over

And he was right because the next month you became your silent self again

He looked at you with sadness, he wasn't great with words, and you didn't talked anymore so he decided to rely on physical affection such as holding your hand or putting his head on your shoulder to let you know he was there

And each morning on your bedside you would find a quinxin (if I write it correctly) on your bedside

Overall a good companion who know how you feel, I give him a 9/10

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kokomi :

Kokomi's life is full of high expectations for her from others

And as everyone she is going to get stressed over it, the fear of not being enough, even more when she occupy a position as important as the divine priestess of watatsumi island

When her energy is at it's lowest she just seclude herself in her little hideout to read a book and sleep a little, just to relaxes

And when she notices you started to feel depressed she was ready for it

Not that she wanted this case to happen, but still, she has a plan for any situation, she had to be ready

So the second she saw you feeling bad she first asked you if you wanted to taok about it, and when you shook your head no she nodded and asked you to follow her

You did as you were told and soon found yourself in a little cave with a desk, a few chairs and a lot of books

Kokomi told you it was her safe space when she felt down, and if you ever feel down again you can come whenever you wanted, not many people knew about this place anyway you would be in peace

So each month, when the depression hit you, you would come there, to read a good book with your girlfriend and sleeping at her side, it was comforting in a sense

I'll give her a 9,5/10 because everyone need a caring fish-girl in their life

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Childe :

First I want to say this : he is the best big brother ever

And what the best big brother would be good at?

Comforting his siblings of course!

Whether it be tonia or teucer he'll do his best to cheer them up when they feel upset

So when he see you upset he try some of his own methods

But unlike his siblings a few jokes and tricks weren't enough to give you back your smile

That's when he make use of his backup plan

He took a week out of his harbingers duties to be with you, all your days during this period are about shopping, dates, quality time

When he see you getting better and got back on his job mbut made sure to check on you through the day

He thought it was over but the next month the pattern repeated, but this time he wasn't able to escapte his duties so instead he propose you to pass the day at his office, and the days would pass with you sitting on his laps ou hanging around with him

If teucer were to be in Liyue while you're in your depression episode childe would send him to spend the day with you

With his little brother as a ball of sunshine you wouldn't feel alone even if he can't be physically with you

Overall 7/10, he can't always make time with his responsibilities but he is trying his best and that's what matter!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Diluc :

With all his paperwork, his shift at angel's share and his daeknight hero duties, I highly doubt he will notice before a few episode over months

I mean yes there were times you didn't talked much, but he wasn't a fan of idle chit-chat anyways, and yes you might have looked more sad recently, but everyone have up and down

It had to be adelyne who avert diluc about your state for him to acknowledge it

But once he does

You aren't going to hear the end of it

Date, gifts, playing chess, you name it he is already preparing it

He can and will treat you as royalty, but he is still busy

But when he saw that what you need is not just being treated nicely but ALSO to have your boyfriend around

For once in a long while et don't go for his darknight hero duties, for your date he started to cancel his shifts at angel's share and now hero dutie's cancelled too

He pick up the hint of a mensual period of depression quickly and each time it hit you he put down everything down to be there

I'll give him a 7/10, as ironic as it his he's a knight in shining armor and he got the spirit!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kaeya :

I like kaeya, I really do

But at first he will take it lightly

Too lightly

The first time you couldn't physically talk to him because of your numbness he just smiled slightly and said "oh~cat got your tongue?"

It'll take time but he'll get it

And once he do

Jean will have to forcefully take him back to his office so he can finish his job, he don't care about it anyway, you're more important to him

And if you don't feel well, he is going to help by any means possible

He throw out of the window his night at angel's share until you get better, instead opting for a dinner at good hunter, he don't care you don't feel like speaking, he can speak for hours about the gossip he heard through mondstadt and during his nights searching for information

After a week or so, when you started to feel better, he didn't let go of you immediately and he was right because the following month you felt bad again, he then started to understand it will go by phase and he'll have to deal with it for the time being

He will accompany you during every one's of your episode and never letting go, he love you and won't let you believe otherwise

Even if it mean getting both jean and lisa angry because he isn't as much there for his work than he should

But for him that's okay if it's for the love of his life

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ei :

You only meet her from time to time in her plane of euthymia because she rarely ever visit human world

And the rest of the time you're with the shogun puppet, who might obey to ei, but isn't as nice, or cuddly or who can't even understand human basic emotions

So ei noticed only when you were visiting her, during your episode until now you dealt with it alone, but it hit you when visiting ei

And the first thing the notoced about you is how lost and a shell of yourself you looked

Immediately directing yourself to her you let your head rest on her lap while she gently stroked your head and asked if you were okay

The only few responses she got was different types of grunts and a few nod

She knew right there something was wrong with you because usually, even when something bad happened you used to tell her everything

After going back to your world and your life you were surprised the next morning to find ei at your door

Not the shogun

But ei

She convinced you that since she's here for the day you might share a few dango and sweets together

And since she wasn't a good cook and you were unable to, but because of your sadness, the meals for the day were mostly candy and desserts

Ei promised to be back and until you got better the shogun was ordered to check on you and provide you the things you enjoy doing and eating

Over the month it became a ritual, when you started to feel bad you spent a day cuddling with ei in her plain of euthymia, and the second she came to pass the day with you to make you feel better

Ei even made yae miko promise to tell her if she saw you in distress

I'd say a 7,5/10 ; when she want she can truly be adorable

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scaramouche :

He is going to be so rude about it

It's canon that he is searching for a heart, so he don't have one, and usually heart are associated with empathy

But he can be nice, with children or elder people

And with you, but right now not really

When he asked you to talk, and you just couldn't tell him what was wrong he started to ask again, louder and louder

And of course the guilt of not being anle to answer to your partner was accumulating and your eyes became glossy even if you didn't wanted to cry

When he saw that

He became silent for a moment

The next thing he did was to sit down at your side and grab your hand

He mumbled about being sorry for raising his voice, it was so low that if the room wasn't silent you wouldn't have heard it

But you did

Resting your head on his shoulder he tensed up before relaxing and patting your head awkwardly

You closed your eyes to be fully in the moment and while doing so scaramouche smiled before placing a kiss on your forehead

During your episode he made sure to not raise his voice in your presence and to make the paperwork part of his job with you either on his lap or in his company

He was definitely relived when you started to feel better, and all the more desperate when an other episode of depression started

But that's okay for him, he has all the time in the world to make you feel better, and he don't mind doing so

I give him a 5/10 because he is a gremlin, but an adorable one

~hope you'll like it!~

🌸Request are open🌸

[ventisehe]

crying on their wedding day / genshin impact / part one

this was a request from my old account and i am only transferring it here. there is a part two to this but i got busy with school and organizing my new account, as well as thinking over deleting my old account.

since bennett is fifteen or sixteen, his part will be a little different from the others. with aether, he is hundred years old so his part if just like the rest. this is unedited and i wrote it at night when i was supposed to be farming so please bear with me hehe.

requested by: @bakuhoe-is-my-bakubro

includes: diluc, zhongli, childe/tartaglia, aether, bennett

warning: unedited, not proofread

part two

THOSE WHO WOULD SHED A SINGLE TEAR

     DILUC

       After losing his father and his horrible fall out with Kaeya, Diluc has become a firm believer that a man can truly live as an island, to some extent. As much as possible, he kept to himself and worked alone. Having people share his burdens with him did not appeal to him. In fact, it miffed him, as it made him feel indebted to them.

          He limited his interaction with everyone, especially those who are part of the Knights of Favonius, favoring solitude above else. But of course, this did not entail bad social ethics to others.

    He treated his maids and employees with civility and respect, the same can be said with his patrons whenever he worked behind the counter (it would certainly be bad for his business if he behaved aloof to them) and those he was once close friends with. He always behaved appropriately to them, although he must admit he can be quite insulting to the Knight, he always stood behind an invisible barrier, careful not to cross it and grow attached to anyone.

        He has long given up with amorous relationships. After all, what good would he be as a lover if he could not provide his woman the love and care she deserved? Surely, he cannot let a maiden suffer with his inadequacy as a potential husband. He is aware of how hectic his schedule is (he hardly has enough time for himself so spending time with his lover would be proven difficult) and how poorly he expresses his feelings, thoughts, and emotions. In a relationship, in marriage, communication is the key for it to be successful, and already then, he has failed. He may be a cold man at first glance, but he will not put a woman in s distressing dilemma, not intentionally anyway.

                    Being the richest man in Mondstadt and being considered attractive by many, Diluc was not foreign to having women throw themselves at him, attempting to seduce him. If maintaining a relationship with a woman with his current tribulations was hard, finding a woman who truly love and understand him was even harder. He has no means of deciphering who were pure with their intentions and those who sought him for his money and influence.

     And he accepted his fate without easily, without question. This was the way it was supposed to be in the first place. Diluc Ragnvindr - a lone man, who lived in too big mansion, sleeping on a bed too big for him. It was all he knew. The bright days of his childhood long forgotten.

    But then you came to his life so suddenly.

                          "Master Diluc," Began Jean, a polite smile over her lips. "This is ( Your Name )".

              All it took was for you to give him shy smile to have his walls broken down, and for his heart to yearn for what he has resolutely denied himself of for years. And it twisted him, and not in a way he welcomed.

          Diluc tried so damn hard to push you away. He avoided your presence, and made it his point to show you he wanted nothing to do with you, and made no attempt to cover it and ignored how his heart broke every time your smile fell. He resolutely refused to yield to your sincere advances.

                                     He treated you the same way be treated everyone, to show you how you were no different from everyone. You were just another dot in his life waiting to be erased and thrown in the back of his mind.

                                                       But the harder he pushed, the harder you pulled. In his brightest days and in his darkest days, you have never strayed far and welcomed him with open arms. You always went out of your way for him.

          It was hard not to fall in love with you? Why did you have to make things so difficult?

                        It wasn't too long until he was falling asleep in his bed with you in his embrace, his heart feeling light, warm and content. He hasn't feel like this in a long time - safe, and at home. Diluc found home from someone he tried to push away.

                                      The horror of what could have happened if he had been successful weighed down on him, and it took quite an assurance from you to make him remember that he has failed, and you were his, as he was yours.

                          Back then, he thought your persistence was bothersome. But as he stood at the altar right now, watching you enter with your white wedding dress, he was grateful you never gave up on him.

Diluc cannot describe how beautiful you looked as you graced everyone in the place with your presence.

Your eyes locked with him, and his heart soared in his chest. And when you smiled at him, an excited gleam in your eyes - he cannot help but smile back.

Time cannot be any slower, and the aisle cannot be any longer. And have you always walked this slow? Or were you just teasing him?

Diluc's breath hitched - Perhaps you knew how much he wanted to get this over with so he can have you all to himself in the comfort of his room.

And when he saw you smiling mischievously at him, he knew that he was right.

His words failed to describe how beautiful you looked. His words failed the joy he was feeling. May Barbatos have mercy on him

But the tear that escaped the corner of his eye explained everything.

"Oh, what is this?" His best man whispered beside him, a teasing tone lacing his voice. "Master Diluc is crying. Why, I never thought I'd see the day."

Diluc shot him a glare. "Do not make me regret making you my best man, Kaeya."

Kaeya laughed. "Ah, ah, ah," He chimed. "Your wife won't be pleased if we fight at your wedding day."

A warm and pleasant feeling coursed through him. His wife.

"She's not my wife yet." Said Diluc.

Kaeya looked at you as you walked down the aisle. "And in just a few minutes, I'll have two Ragnvindr to annoy." He patted his brother on the back, smiling a genuine smile for the first time. "Congratulations, Diluc."

     ZHONGLI

       Zhongli, or Rex Lapis for that time, has watched over Teyvat for thousands of years and has witnessed firsthand how kings and tyrants rose and fell, how kingdoms were born, how camaraderie are conducted, how romance makes a man foolish and blinded, how society flourished in the hands of mortals as Archons guarded them from their resting place, and throughout the tales of humans, his eyes has laid upon many beauties.

                   But you? Oh, even the most esteemed bard of all realms could never bring the satisfactory glory to your name and pulchritude.

            How dearly Zhongli missed the unspeakable power, money and authority he had back before he revoked his own position as a deity, keeping a close eye over Liyue and his people. But if ever presented with the opportunity to return to his rightful place as part of the Seven, he shall graciously decline, casting his gaze away and simply returning to your side.

                               After all, what benefit would he gain from it when he already has his heart is content in the possession of a mere mortal, a mortal he loved and adored. He would dream of ever choosing his old power over you, and that can be affirmed when he asked for your hand as the two of you took an evening stroll outside Liyue.

                 He has fallen for you and he cannot rise again. A gentle and kind woman with an understanding and patience which knows no bounds. If not for his revelation that he has accomplished all his duties and has come to decide to resign from his reign, your existence may be another reason for him to take the form or a mortal and ask for your hand.

                      He can still recall that faithful day when he first met you at the harbor. He stood by a high balcony, overlooking Liyue Harbor with arms crossed. The sun beat down against Liyue grounds and his skin, but it also casted an ethereal glow on you as you exited one of the ships that stopoed at the docks. And may he boldly say the sun was outshined that day, and his heart has been taken.

                                         Zhongli can only imagine how many men has chased after you, but failed to woo you.

                   Zhongli understood the concept of love. After all, Liyue and every living being that sought shelter in its walls were close to his heart, but never in his life has he felt the way he felt for you. It was the sort of phenomena he observed between lovers for centuries - unconditional love and care, a sanctuary in the arms of their beloved, an individual to trust and come home to whether the day has been kind or unkind.

           What he thought were trivial matters and the means of mortals for survival he has tasted its sweet flavor, and it was by your hand did he receive it. And he was thankful that you have found him worthy of being with you, and soon, being one with him in the contract of marriage.

And thus came the faithful day, the very day he longed to come ever since you have accepted him as your husband to be, and the day you have dreamt of every night you laid with him.

Zhongli counted the months, weeks, days, and if he had the ability to, minutes until the day of your wedding. He has a calendar in his room and everyday, he enthusiastically crossed out every passing day, watching as his wedding with you grow closer.

And when it finally arrived, Zhongli followed a meticulous routine to prepare himself, using expensive oils and perfume to which the Fatui money has provided splendidly. After all, he wanted to look the best he can for you. You deserved only the best of things, and he shall not hold back on anything to please you.

Though Zhongli, most of the time, was a calm man even under the eye of tribulations, when he stood at the altar in front of his close friends and colleagues, he can't help but feel anxious.

Of course he has no doubt in your love for him. He holds on your every word of love and affection as true, and his love for you was as hard as stone. Rather, it was he who doubted himself and his capabilities.

He wondered if he would be able to take care of you, love you the way you should be, bring a smile to your lips, and a laugh out of your mouth. If he had been Rex Lapis still, he would have easily uphold his duties as your husband. After all, what can an Archon not do?

It would be Childe, his best man, who would console him. He would tell Zhongli he is more than capable to care for you. He has a stable job (not to mention his connection with the Fatui), he was eager to please you and give you about everything if he can, he has a kind heart, he was a man who can manage his time wisely and never choose his profession over you, and above all, he loved you. Not many men can afford the luxury of being this perfect, but Zhongli was no man, not originally at least.

He will be unconvinced of what Childe has said. This unease in him was hard to diminish. Not being enough for you will tear him apart. The thought of it just gnawed at him. Will he make you happy? Will you regret marrying him when you realized life married to him wasn't as you expected?

It was only when the doors opened, and his wide and anticipative eyes darted over to the other end of the place did every little doubt in his mind is erased.

You stood by the entrance wearing the white dress you have fought hard not to show him until this day.

That bright smile on your face, those eyes that shimmered at the sight of him, the faint red on your cheeks - Zhongli did not even notice how love stricken he looked, and nor did he notice a tear cascade from corner of eye.

It was only when Childe stifled a laugh and pointed it out did he feel the dampness at the side of his face.

He forgot how to breathe when you finally stood before him. Even a veil cannot conceal your beauty.

With twinkling eyes, you smiled at him - like he was the only person in the room.

"Are you crying?" You ask playfully.

Zhongli will let out a chuckle, and as he take your hands in his, he said, "In such a beautiful day like this with the loveliest lady in Teyvat before me, how can I not?"

Indeed it was a beautiful day, made better when your lips met his.

He can't stop a few more tears from slipping.

THOSE WHO WOULD BAWL THEIR EYES OUT

     CHILDE/TARTAGLIA

                 Childe understood his duties as a Harbinger even if his playful and flirtatious facade may say otherwise. He kissed hands of women and paid them golden compliments until their mind went hazy with his feigned affection, but he was still a Fatui at the end of the day - a ruthless and greedy scoundrel who had too much Mora in his hands.

              And it was because of his line of work that he decided never to commit himself. If he was to find himself infatuated with a woman and she reciprocated his feelings and desired to pursue a relationship with him, it would inevitably drag her to the dangers entailed to his position.

                                       The last thing he wanted was someone to dear to him to be harmed, not to mention his lover could become his weakness, she could be taken by his enemies and be used against him, thus, making things more complicated and harder for him to fulfill his duties to the Tsaritsa.

             To him, nothing is more important than seeing through his mission with the finest quality of work he can give.

                   So damn you for coming into his life and distracting him. Damn you for bringing another bright to his life. Damn you for taking care of his family when he was gone. Just - damn you for making him fall for you.

      He hated this - the feeling of being weak, of being vulnerable, of laying his guard down. One touch from you and he's no better than the people he despised for being so frail and powerless.

                                              How ever do you possess this prowess to make him so dependent on you, to relish in your voice when you sing to him as the two of you laid together in his bed, how he let his defenses crumble when you whisper his name, the tug of his heart when you he sees you getting along so well with his family.

                          Childe wanted you. He wanted you more than anything and anyone in Teyvat. He was going crazy thinking about you.

             He refused to acknowledge his feelings at first, thinking perhaps he can use you to comfort him and his family in these troubling times. That's all you were supposed to be, a tool for him to make his family feel better whenever he goes off to accomplish his work as a Harbinger.

                              But he couldn't stomach the thought of using you like that. He didn't want you to treat like a toy. And it did not help that one day, when he was returning from a mission, you come rushing to him and blurting out your feelings and your worry for his safety.

               You loved him. Did he hear you right? You love a Fatui, and a Harbinger, no less. Surely, you aren't that stupid to fall for him.

     And yet he smiled a sincere smile at your confession, and he too followed your steps. That night, he was at his weakest. Just relishing in your arms and ridding all the responsibilities over his shoulders. He can forget all his faults for a moment, with you. A peace of mind and heart was found in you.

     Childe watched as you played with his fingers, and then he spoke. “Aren’t you afraid?”

       You hummed. “Afraid? Of what?”

                   Childe shook his head and held your hand which toyed with his digits. You looked up at him, puzzled.

              “Of me.” Said Childe, pulling your hand and holding it close to his chest. He closed his eyes, almost terrified of what your answer can be. “Of what I can bring to your life. I’m a Harbinger, [ Your Name ]. Your life is at stake just being with me. Do you know what you’re in for for loving me?”

                        You gazed at him, and he can’t see anything in your eyes. He let out a small gasp when you leaned in and kissed his cheek.

            “I’m not afraid of you or anything this world can throw at me.” You confessed. “You’re going to protect me, Tartaglia. I know you will. I trust you. I love you.”

                            And fucking hell, did he protect you.

                                          He tried to hide you from his fellow Harbingers, and especially to his enemies. Not because they will use you to get the upper hand against him, a leverage. No, he wanted to hide you, as long as he can anyway (because it won't be long until his secret is out, walls do have ears), to protect you. No one will lay a hand or even get a single strand of your hair. May the Archons have mercy on anyone who dares put you in the middle of the dangers of his job, because he surely won't.

Because of this, you and Childe decided to get married in secret, with no one else but Zhongli, the traveler, and their floating companion to be your witnesses in becoming one. The two of you knew well of the consequences your decision shall birth, but it's the one you're making. Nothing in this can stop Childe from making you his wife, and treating you as such.

Childe could not wait for the ceremony to begin. Even with such a small crowd - very small indeed - he did not hold back to make this day special for you. The finest of everything is what you deserved, and if he could give more, he would. But for now, all he can give you is himself, and he dearly wished he was enough.

The whole time, as he waited for you to emerge from the doors of the small cathedral the two of you chose to be wed in, he kept imagining how his life would be like with you.

Waking up beside you was the thing he looked forward to the most. When the sunrays peeked from closed curtains and cascaded down your slumbering form, a gentle and even breaths leaving your lips, a soft expression of rest - the thought of it filled his heart with warmth, a kind of warmth only you can evoke from him.

Waking up at your side on his bed always reminded him thst you were indeed there, and his. Soon, he'll be waking up beside you with a soft smile on his lips, a reminder that you were there, but now as his wife.

Childe never really considered him emotional. It was part of his discipline as a Harbinger never to let his emotions get the better of him. But when you stepped into the cathedral wearing the wedding dress you personally chose and had hidden from him for so long, a veil over your face but the soft smile still just as bright as the morning sun, it all came crashing down to him.

Childe wanted a lot of things in life. But what he wanted the most was to spend the rest of his life with you - providing for you, protecting you, comforting you, falling deeper in love with your every single day. All this he will do until his dying breath, and he knew you'd do the same.

His dream was walking towards him, never taking her eye off him as she approached the altar.

He can hear Paimon clapping and the Traveler reprimanding her for being a little too loud. He can hear Zhongli saying something to him but he couldn't understand a word he said. But he was too lost in his realization that you're going to marry him.

You chose him, a man with too many faults and imperfections.

Just as you arrived at the small steps leading towards the altar, the tears Childe has been trying to hold back streamed down his face, small hiccups escaping his lips.

You stared at him, worried. "Tartaglia, are you alright?"

Childe would try to formulate an answer but through his tears and hiccups, he couldn't make a single comprehensible word. His posture was regal and proper, as though he was trying to fool everyone that he wasn't crying.

How can you ask if he was alright? How can his heart handle how beautiful you looked right now?

"Excuse me, ( Your Name )," Zhongli interjected as he stepped beside Childe. "It seems that your soon to be husband needs a moment to collect himself. Please, excuse us."

Zhongli led Childe back to his room, and the Harbinger did not fight back. He was still crying even when the doors has closed behind him. Zhongli stood by the door, watching the Fatui sit on his bed, trying to stop himself from bawling.

Childe can feel guilt crawling up to him as he realized what he had done. What was supposed to the most perfect day, your most perfect day, was ruined because of him.

He was scared to think what you thought of him now. Were you resenting him for what happened? Did you still wish to marry him?

If only he had controlled his emotions much better. He shouldn't have let his joy break through him in tears.

"She was crying too, you know," Spoke Zhongli.

Childe raised his head to look at the former Archon. "Huh?"

"Your bride, she - " He smiled at him. " - she was crying too. She's happy to be marrying you."

Childe can feel his heart hammering against his chest in delight at what he said.

"So don't keep her waiting."

Childe bawled his eyes out once more when the words - "I do," - left your lips.

     AETHER

                 When his sister was taken from him, Aether was a lost and wandering soul in Teyvat with the sole purpose of finding her.

              Throughout his journey, he met different people from different regions. He learned their values and cultures, he grew to love the world he used to be a stranger to, he was able to utilize different sorts of Visions, and yet, despite all of this, Aether was lonely. Paimon - bless her pure soul - tried her best to keep his spirits and bring a smile to his face (he assumed she too felt the hollowness inside of him) but it was all futile as he often find himself seeking solitude and gazing out in an open field wondering where his twin could be and how she was fairing on her own.

                He will let the cool breeze comfort him, but all it left was a searing kiss of reality that his search might have been all for naught. That very concept his mind was conjured haunted him in his every waking days. Is he still journeying through Teyvat and reaching out to all Archons with a solid purpose? Was he no wasting his time looking high and low for someone who could not be looking at the sky as he?

                     "And what if she is?"

                                     Your words is what got his attention. Aether met you in the evening when the stars and the moon was absent from the skies. He sat on a fallen log overlooking the city of Mondstadt, alone and cold. Paimon has insisted in him accompanying him, but he had snuck away before she can chase after him. He needed to be alone with his thoughts, and with the scarce time he has for himself, he has to make the most of every night that comes.

                 Lumine was in his mind, and worry was gnashing its teeth at him. He was deep in his own world, sinking to the hands of his tragic thoughts, that he did not hear footsteps trekking the hillock he was at. Nor did he realize he was speaking his own worries in the air, eyes distant and staring blankly at nothing.

       "What if she's not even looking for me?" That's what he remembered saying that time.

                                       Then you made your presence known with an answer that refuted his initial thought. He whirled his head to the side, wide eyes with surprise. You stood next to him with a faint smile, hands behind your back and the moon slowly peeking from the shroud of clouds. A light in the darkness, the moon was. And so you were you to him.

                "Sorry," You apologized, sheepishly giving him a smile as you rubbed the back of your neck. "I didn't mean to interrupt. You were speaking out loud and-and I just had a feeling I needed to say something." You took in a deep breath, and Aether found the pink dusting your cheeks adorable. "I . . . I'll just go now - "

              Aether didn't regret asking you to stay.

                                   Before you came to his life, Aether did not know how much he was dwelling in the own hell he made. His inner tribulations, his worries, his insecurities - he only took notice the torture he was putting on himself when you keep saving him from his own mind.

                   At first, all he thought of you was a precious friend - someone he leaned on and entrusted with everything, whether it be secrets or help with his quests. He told you about his past, his twin, how exactly he was different from the people of Teyvat, how he and sister fought an unknown god, how she slipped from his fingers when he reached out for her, how much he wanted her back. He was terrified of what you may think of him when he told you these things, but to his surprise, all you did was wrap him in your arms and comforted him.

                                      Along with Paimon, you were his dearest friend.

             But as time passed, the longer you accompany him and Paimon in his travels, he noticed something strange. The way his heart skipped a beat when you smile at him, how he can't keep his eyes off you when you laugh at one of his tales, how his heart hammered ceaselessly when you press a chaste kiss on his cheek, the relief that seeps in his system when he sees you unscathed from a battle, how irritated he becomes when someone makes an offense against you, the joy that seizes him when he listens to you talking about something you loved, and how much he adored it when you scold him for being a little too reckless in fighting.

                           Aether, despite being older than he seems, did not know what to make of what he was feeling. It was strange, a good kind of strange - the kind of feeling that makes him feel like he was floating in the sky. All he thought of it was an overwhelming adoration for a friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

                  It wasn't until Paimon pointed it out did he realize what he was feeling for you.

                                           Upon learning his feelings for you, Aether couldn't sleep for many nights. He was plagued with the desires of his heart and his insecurities. It was like falling back to the same hellish pattern before you came along.

              He was in this world for one reason only - to find his twin. And when he does - and he fucking will - he will depart from here with her and continue their travels. Leaving you was the last thing he wanted. He couldn't bear the thought of it. It felt like leaving a piece of him behind in Teyvat, a hole in the shape of your name.

                            The solution he had for this is directly confessing to you. Of course, the blond was a nervous wreck when he approached you and asked for a moment of your time. Paimon knew of his plan and wandered away for the time being, wanting to give the two of your privacy.

              If you did not share the same feelings as he, he can already imagine the pain he will have to deal with, but it'll be much easier to leave. At least then he knows you won't be as hurt as he thought once he takes his leave. He never entertained the idea of you reciprocating his feelings. It would be foolish to - surely you can't find anything appealing with someone like him ; to which you rendered him speechless and a bumbling mess when you pressed your lips against his when he was in the middle of his confession.

                                 Aether shouldn't be this happy with you. He loved you too much to see you hurt when he tells you that he must leave. He was not welcome in this world, he was an outsider, a being not under the authority or influence of any Archons.

     But still, he spent months loving you, caring for you, doing anything to come back to you no matter what is thrown at him. He loved having you in his arms when you slept, he loved watching the stars with you at night, he loved you even with the inevitable arguments you two have - Aether was utterly and hopeless in love with you.

                     And thus, he decided to tell you what will happen after he finds his sister.

                      He knew he would be heart broken in seeing you cry, but it hurt more to see you smile at to him so genuinely and embraced him, saying, "You used to doubt you'll ever find your sister. It broke my heart everyday seeing you so hopeless, and I - " You composed yourself, shaking your head as your tried to gather your thoughts. " - now look at you," You cupped his cheek, the corners of your eyes wrinkling as your smile broadened. "I always knew the day will come when you have to leave me. When you told me you weren't from this world, I knew then I'll have to let go of you someday. But until that day comes - Aether - "

               What a shock it came to him when you got down on one knee and presented to him a glittering ring - there was unconditional love and hope in your eyes. It was like looking back at his reflection. "Marry me, Aether, let me make you happy for the rest of the days we still have remaining until you leave."

                                   Aether can never say no to you.

To his surprise, Master Diluc has already agreed to host your wedding at Dawn Winery. Aether was puzzled as to why he seemed unsurprised by the news of his engagement with you, and the Claymore wielding male answered, "( Your Name ) came to me for help when she planned to propose to you."

Aether knew Diluc, as much as possible, wanted to be alone. A lone wolf, he was. But with gratitude for what he has done, he asked him to be his best man. Diluc was startled by this requests but obliged. The red head might not show it but he was immensely flattered by Aether asking him to be his best now (and now time to subtly show it off to Kaeya).

At the day of the wedding, contrary to what he thought he would feel, Aether woke up with his an ache in his chest. He found himself looking out the window of his room, torn between his happiness and sorrow.

In a few hours, Aether will be able to adorn a ring on your finger, symbolizing your promises with one another. He shall be granted the sole blessing of calling your his wife. It was something he was looking forward to - seeing you in your wedding dress, watching as you walk down the aisle -

But Aether's mind kept drifting back to his sister - She would have wanted to be here. He thought.

Aether felt like he was committing a crime when he decided to take a walk just hours before his wedding. But he needed to clear his mind. Lumine never left his mind. He always thought that they would always be there for one another, or at least in big moments like this.

And yet she was still nowhere to be seen.

Is she still alive? Have I been wasting time? Is she still in danger? Is she lost in Teyvat as well?

"Didn't expect to run into you here."

His body tensed when he heard your voice, and he twirled around only to have his breath taken away.

You stood before him in the white dress he had longed to see ever since you proposed to him. He thought he would see a frown on your face, dismayed for his impromptu walk, but you wore a soft smile - a soft and understanding smile.

Aether did know what to say to you. He just stared at you, overwhelmed.

He opened his mouth to speak but he couldn't say anything. His shoulders slumped, and he sighed.

You approached him and kissed his cheek. He hummed in delight, eyes closing. "I hope you're not having second thoughts on marrying me." You told him.

Aether was quick to respond. He took your hand in his and kissed your knuckles. He looked into your eyes with affirming hues, "There is nothing I'm more sure of than marrying you."

You beamed at him. Seeing your face brighten up is always a beautiful sight for Aether, and it was enough for him to feel enlightened in the midst of his internal crisis.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Of course you can already tell something is bothering him. Aether shook his head. He has already ruined a small part of what is supposed to be a perfect day, he can't risk another mistake.

"I'm not going to push you to tell me anything." You stated.

Aether smiled. "Thank you." He replied. He gazed at you for a little while, taking you in. "Why are you out here anyway? And in your wedding dress too."

Your eyes widened and you looked down to assess his evaluation. "Oh Archons," You mewled. "I forgot I was wearing this." You let out a groan. "Great, now my surprise is ruined. I won't be able to see you cry when you see me walk down the aisle."

He laughed a little. "But still happy as ever to see you." He said. "So why are you outside?"

"Just . . . " You began, and Aether can detect a hint of nervousness in your voice. " . . . picking some flowers."

"I thought we already ordered flowers." Aether thought, frowning. "Did someone forget to deliver the flowers? I can call someone if - "

"No, I just wanted to pick some flowers, randomly. Like how you wanted to take a walk, randomly."

He looked at you with hesitant eyes. He didn't believe you. There was something hidden behind your motive to be out here. But like how you didn't press him with what was the problem, he did the same for you.

"Okay," He breathed out. "What flowers did you pick then?"

Aether's breath hitched when you pulled out a bundle of Windwheel Asters and several more flowers that was all too familiar with him.

He stared at the white flowers that combined with your Windwheel Asters, the very flowers that he remembered adorned his sister's hair.

"Aether? Aether are you okay?"

He stared at you with glistening eyes, his heart blossoming with adoration and gratitude. Without even meaning to, you managed to make everything alright.

"Yeah," He smiled at you. "I'm okay."

Aether thought when he stood at the altar, he would have Diluc trying to soothe his nerves as his insecurities slowly sink in his mind. But it didn't happen. Diluc merely stood by him with a relaxed expression, glancing at him every now and then.

"You don't look nervous at all." Diluc remarked.

Aether chuckled. "This is the only decision I fully know I won't regret."

Aether felt like it was his first time seeing you in your wedding dress. His heart was filled with the brim with utmost joy, but what caught his attention was the bouquet of flowers in your hands.

You told him before that you will have roses as your bouquet, but to his surprise, he can see the Windwheel Asters and the white flowers that reminded him of his sister.

His emotions was all over the place. He had no idea how he could look so calm. Somehow he managed to hold himself together until you finally stood before him.

When you stared at him behind the veil, he couldn't take it anymore. You were too perfect. How could he be so blessed with you?

Tears sprung to his eyes when you reached out to take his hands in yours. He retracted one of them to rub his arm across his eyes, wiping away the wetness that streamed to his face.

Why am I crying like a child in my wedding? Stop it!

He couldn't.

He only cried harder when you leaned forward, removed his arm from his eyes, made him look into your vibrant hues, to give a small peck on his lips - "You're okay, Aether."

     BENNETT

                 Bennett understood his bad luck more than anyone. He had lived with and through it his entire life he graced the surface of the earth. It was almost pitiful to see the boy smiling ever so brightly as misfortune after misfortune comes hurtling his way, but to him? It was an everyday and normal occurrence, nothing he hasn't seen or experienced before. His spirits has never let their roaring flame vanish, however, and if it had not been for his bad luck, everyone would have been drawn to his warm, welcoming, affable, and cheerful soul.

                                 But just because he was used to the constant array of debacle thrown his way, doesn't mean there were never days where he won't be upset over everything it brought to his life, and others as well, and wonder how long it will take until his unluckiness will lead him back to the very situation he was rescued from when he was a mere baby.

          He forgot how long it was when he had experienced something good, miraculously so. The only time he can recall being so was when he encountered the Honorary Knight, convened with them as a temporary adventure team, and found a treasure chest containing items he has only dreamed of in his sleep deep within a domain. However, that was many moons ago, and nothing has ever compared to it ever since. The moment he departed from the Honorary Knight, his bad luck came instantly to bite him.

                 It was far too long ago. Sometimes, Bennett wondered if that would be the only good thing that can happen to him in his lifetime, and thank the Archons he was wrong because the very worst day that came upon him is a day he will never exchange for another - the day he met you. When it was raining, thunder in the distance, lightning striking trees and soil, his bruised and bleeding form hardly covered under a small and flimsy tent, you graced him with your presence, and an umbrella which you used to cover both of you.

                                    He had never stopped admiring you ever since. His eyes always followed you, wide and shining. He remembered the warmth in his chest and the redness tinting his cheeks when you brought him to your abode and treated his wounds with care gentler than the Deaconess. When he told you what happened to him, he anticipated to he shoved out of the house immediately and have your front door slammed on his face, but you did not. When he warned you about his curse, telling you how you will be affected when you spend a little too much time with him, the look of fright did not cross your visage and you even insisted that he not leave your house until you were sure he was capable of moving without pain, even if you had instantly been affected by his unluckiness (you pricked your finger quite badly when you were stitching a deep wound of his. He always felt guilty for that and has not stopped offering his apologies whenever it pricks the corner of his mind).

                   Other than the team of adventurers who had saved him from peril when he was a baby, it was difficult to find someone who will stay with him, through bad times and more of it. One cannot simply imagine and comprehend the confusion and happiness that seized him when he found out you were spending more and more time with him, not out pity but because you enjoy his company (which was weird, but he'll take it).

                              You possessed no Vision, but Bennett never saw you in an inferior light. In fact, it impressed him how you can hold yourself without the aid of any power. Enemies took a little longer to eradicate but ultimately, you were always successful. He held you in high regard, and very much like a certain blond traveler, the poor boy thought it was merely friendship and respect he felt towards you. After all, wouldn't a friend accompany him in his adventures no matter what disappointing or gratifying the outcome is? Wouldn't a friend prepare meals for him before he goes off on a solo expedition? Wouldn't a friend stay up late up waiting for him to return after? Wouldn't a friend welcome him by the entrance of Mondstadt upon his arrival? Wouldn't a friend give him butterflies in his stomach? Wouldn't a friend make his heart pound in a way

                  It had taken the Traveler and his floating companion for Bennett to learn about how exactly he was feeling for you.

           He liked you, and not in the way he liked the traveler or Razor - he liked liked you.

                               When he realized about his feelings, Bennett nearly short circuit every time you go near him. His face flush a rich color of vermillion, his confident posture stripped down to a coy and uncertain stance, his eyes darted and never meeting yours for too long, a sheepish smile painted over his brims - Bennett had never felt this way before. It was foreign to him - liking someone - and it was worse for him because you were his one of his few friends (you, Razor, the Traveler and their floating friend), and having you withdraw from him if you ever learned his feelings frightened him more than any Ruin Guard could.

    He didn't bother entertaining the idea of you returning his feelings. With his bad luck, it was bound to end in a rejection, and he didn't believe he had the heart to accept the hurt that would come.

                 Bennett tried to keep his feeling a secret, he really, genuinely, did. He locked his feelings for you in a box and stowed away somewhere behind his mind. But it didn't take you too long to catch on. Bennett's theatrics wasn't as impenetrable as he originally thought because there was no other reason for you to corner him in a street in Mondstadt after he tried to avoid crossing paths with you, and admit your feelings to him.

                                  "( Your Name )," Stuttered Bennett, eyes darting to the side to avoid your eyes as he pressed his back against the wall behind him. You gazed at him, a tint of red over your cheek.

                 Archon, how are you so adorable?

                   "Uh, hi," He greeted meekly, as he rubbed the back of his head. "I-I was just about to leave for an adventure - "

                               "Bennett," You spoke, and he froze at the tone of your voice.

                   He looked at you properly, gulping. Shy eyes, shy smile, shy, shy, shy - and yet somehow, Bennett thought the worse - that you found out about his feelings and was about to turn him down.

          He almost got down on his knees and press his hands together in a praying position, head bowed, and beg to keep your friendship. It didn't matter if you did not share his feelings. You were more important than his stupid feelings. He can deal with the hurt of rejection that will soon to come, but losing you completely? Can he even come to terms with that?

                                But before he can do such humiliating display, you leaned in and pressed a kiss on his cheek,

                  It was almost too good to be true, and with someone like him, Bennett had to take a moment to comprehend what has happened. His feelings were reciprocated, opposite of what should have been considering his dilemma. How can this be? He was sure your friendship would be put to an end when you learn about what he felt for you. How did you even know that he liked you? Has he been too obvious? Surely not (he was). Perhaps you were merely toying with him, discovering his feelings and choosing to use it as a way to alleviate your boredom -

                                           Horror struck him when he processed the message behind his doubt. How could he think so little of you? Someone as sweet and kind as you would be repulsed by the intention of the actions he thought you were presenting to him. Prideful as this may sound, Bennett believed he knew you enough to know you were sincere in everything you do.

            But even if both your feelings are revealed to be mutual, the two of you agreed to wait until a certain age before forming a romantic relationship. The two of you are young and there are a lot more the world can offer outside Mondstadt. There are countless of opportunities to grow and be mature, to be able to have a set of qualities to take of one another.

                            But that didn't mean the two of you easily managed to hold back showcasing your favor for the other. Bennett will always find himself exchanging secret glances and smile with you whenever a third party joins in on your adventure. He would stick by your side in situations he think could potentially lead you to a major injury. He will attempt (and fail, unfortunately) to whip you up with something delicious when he has free time. And you did the same to him.

                  With you, there was never a time where his heart wasn't beating against his chest. He can't stop himself from bounding recklessly through his adventures whenever you accompany him, although he will still keep a close eye on you just in case something bad happens to you (but it's always him who ends up injured).

                                              But what he liked the most are the kisses the two of you share. Short, chaste, and shy - whether it be behind closed doors, when others are looking away, or when the two of you set of on an adventure.

            Bennett would lay in his bed with a smile on his face, his thundering heart preventing him from sleeping. He'll often find himself burying his face against his pillow, grinning from ear to ear.

                         This smile was different. This wasn't smile that he usually wore, the kind of smile that persevered through hardship after another. No, it was the sort of smile that was too carefree and too full of utmost joy, no worries or doubts in his heart. Everyday he always woke up to the excitement of adventure, but now, the excitement of it and seeing you once again always had him brimming with the want for the night to be over with so he can chase after his dreams with you. Chasing his dreams with you, what a life.

      His world is full of a bad luck, but he thanked the Archons for giving him someone he can depend on in the troubling waters he always he seem to drown in.

Bennett, embarrassing it may sound, often laid on his bed imagining about marrying you.

He can see himself making a fool out of himself when he gets down on one knee and propose to you. It'll be set in the most beautiful place he discovered in one of his adventure, somewhere quiet. Like maybe on top of a mountain overseeing a vast field.

Because of his bad luck, he'll try to prepare for every outcome. To be very sure everything will be saved, he made sure he created a plan B for his plan A, a plan C for his plan B, and so on, and so forth.

He can imagine himself fumbling over his words, blushing a bright red was made prominent because of his white hair, holding a bunch of hand picked flowers a little too tightly, sweat pouring from his face, his suit and hair a little ruffled -

If you say yes (spoiler alert, you will), he will most probably go haywire with shock and happiness, causing him to drop the ring down the mountain, and the two of you will spend quite some time looking for it. But in the end, you two will find it somewhere deep underground or deep underwater (to which you will ask help to retrieve) (Bennett offered to go down to get the ring but you can’t take any chances) and then you can start planning the wedding.

If Bennett had backup plans for his proposal, then expect there'll be much more backups with your wedding. He needed this day to be perfect for you, and his bad luck won't stop him from providing it for you. Even if he had to fight through horde after horde of Hilichurls (please stop him when he does, he definitely will do that for you), making you happy is his top priority.

Bennett will be extremely anxious the day before the wedding. He'll be pacing around his room, and has half a mind of running over to your place and spending the night there to reassure himself that you still want to marry him, and that you’re absolutely sure you want to spend the rest of your life with him. It will be Razor - who the Traveler spent hours teaching the basic information of the role of Best Man to - who will calm his nerves. He’ll stop Bennett from reaching your house and carry him back to his own, and giving him a lecture (he did his best) like the best man he was.

Was he having second thoughts on marrying you? No way! He will just be nervous about how the wedding will go. With his bad luck, something horrible is bound to happen.

At the day of the wedding, Bennett can imagine himself constantly seeking reassurance from his best man.

"What if I mess up?" Questions Bennett to Razor, anxious hands fiddling with his tie.

"Messing up is . . . normal." Razor will reassure him, but Bennett will shake his head.

“But it's me. When I mess up, it's always . . . catastrophic . . . ”

Bennett hoped that at least for his wedding way, everything will go smoothly. A perfect day, for you and for him. He won't embarrass you or himself. He won't forget the rings, he won't have his clothes tucked inside out, he will not spill any food or drinks on himself or on his guests, there will be no random Hilichurl attacks - none of that.

He really hoped for the Archons to spare him from his bad luck. 

He will be able to stand by the altar with confidence and a smile, waiting for you to walk down the aisle.

As Bennett is consumed with his thoughts, his eyes drew to the small table at the side of his bed and caught sight of the picture of the two of you perched on the surface. It was a picture you took with a kamera after one of his adventures. The two of you smiling happily as he showcased the loot of vegetables and wheat he gathered in numerous luxurious chests. It was good day, that picture was. He found more resources than usual. Of course, he learned from the Traveler that most of the chest they found contained treasures but hey, vegetables are better than nothing, right?

Bennett stared at your smiling face and can feel the heat creep on his cheeks as he imagined you in a pretty, white wedding dress, smiling at him so shyly and cute - oh, Archons, help him. May them have mercy on him. Of course, you always looked pretty to him - so, so pretty - but in your wedding day? Archons, he doesn't know if he can take that. It'll be too much for his big heart.

He can only imagine how your wedding will play out, but there is one thing he was sure of and that is that he will burst into tears once he laid his eyes upon you - and not the soft cry most men do in their wedding, oh, not at all like that. His heart is too big with too much love for you, and too soft to control his emotions properly.

Bennett will cry (bawl, actually), his tears of joy coming in streams, and it was loud enough for strangers to think he was grieving over a deceased loved one. He was hiccupping and sobbing, will probably be holding on to his vest tightly as if his entire lifeline depended on the pressure of how he crumpled the fabric. He hoped that in that time, Razor or the Traveler will lend him a hand and calm him down before he can ruin his own wedding.

Bennett, as he happily imagined that fateful day to come in the future (spoilers again, it will) did not feel a tear slip from the corner of his eye as he drifted off to a pleasant slumber with a beaming smile.

The boy absolutely adores you.

[westswhump]

Hey, first writing on here! I’m new to this whole thing so input would be appreciated!

Also I’ve been told that there’s another person in the whump community with an OC named Ashe, so I’d like to clarify that there’s no correlation!

TWs (Not really sure how to do these but I’ll try my best): Nonconsensual Touching (Not Sexual!), Torture, Failed Escape Attempt, Manipulation, Child Abuse

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A small yelp escaped Ashe’s lips as his face collided with the floor, hair held firmly in Aodhan’s grip.

The king crouching next to him let out a chuckle. He harshly yanked the small boy’s head up by his matted locks.

It was hard to focus. He felt light-headed and weak, and couldn’t remember how long today’s punishment has lasted. Long enough for night to overtake the day. Long enough for the floor to be slick and warm with his blood.

“Ashey~,” Aodhan cooed, using his free hand to  softly cup the bleeding boy’s face and turning it to face him. Ashe stared back, tears running down his face.

The man gave him a warm smile, releasing his matted hair and stroking it gently.

Ashe quietly whimpered as he melted into Aodhan’s touch.

“I know… I know sweetheart,” Aodhan murmured, caressing the boy’s bruised cheek with his thumb,  “Doesn’t feel too nice, does it?”

Ashe gave a small, shaky nod.

 “You know,” Aodhan sighed, “I hate to discipline you like this. If only you were well-behaved…”

Ashe looked away in shame. He knew what Aodhan meant. 

He messed up every day! So many times! Too many times!

He kept saying the wrong things, messing up tasks, getting in the way, annoying Aodhan…

I mean, how could he possibly be so careless to annoy the king? Aodhan is the kindest person in the world!

Who else would take care of such a useless creature? Who else would mercy a burden like Ashe enough to give him a purpose? To correct him when he did wrong?

King Aodhan didn’t deserve Ashe’s failures, and Ashe definitely didn’t deserve King Aodhan.

“Aw, cheer up little one,” Aodhan said as he released the boy and stood, snapping Ashe out of his thoughts, “At least your wounds look lovely.”

After a moment of Ashe catching his breath on the floor, Aodhan scowled.

He sharply kicked Ashe in the ribs, the impact making him tumble a couple feet across the floor. Aodhan stormed over to him and dug his heel into his chest, giving him a poisonous glare.

“It’s not kind to ignore a compliment from me,” Aodhan seethed, ignoring Ashe’s sounds of pain.

He watched as Ashe desperately tried to form the words, rather unimpressed with his attempts.

A small eternity later, he rolled his eyes and let Ashe give up.

“You’re lucky today’s a special day,” Aodhan grumbled, trudging over to the ablaze fire pit as he dragged Ashe along with him.

Ashe gave him a confused look.

“Oh please. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten!” Aodhan laughed, “Today’s an important anniversary! You’ve officially been here for three years! I got a gift for you and everything!”

“Gi…ft?”

“What, you can’t speak until you want something? Selfish brat,” Aodhan huffed, “But yes, a gift.”

With that, Aodhan started to peel Ashe’s bloodstained shirt off of him. 

“Look at that, you ruined a perfectly good shirt,” Aodhan sighed, shirt in hand, “You really need to learn how to take care of your things.”

He tossed the article of clothing into the flames without a second thought, before reaching for Ashe’s ‘gift.’

A branding iron.

Aodhan turned and smiled at Ashe, his intentions clear as day. 

Ashe panicked, rapidly shuffling away from the man. Aodhan laughed at his escape attempts and grabbed him, pushing him to the floor and pinning him down.

“Ashey! You know it’s rude to deny a gift!” Aodhan lectured, “What’s gotten into you? This is the Mark of Apprenticeship! You’re the first one who’s ever made it this far to earn it! You know that!”

Ashe stopped thrashing for a moment.

Aodhan’s right, what’s gotten into him?

The Mark is a sign of devotion to Aodhan and the Cause, so why didn’t he want it?

He supported Aodhan and his decisions  with his whole heart! 

But why did it feel so… wrong?

Why did everything feel so wrong?

Aodhan’s never done anything to harm Ashe! He’s the last person on earth who would ever lay a hand on him! 

So maybe Ashe was overreacting! Yes, that’s it! Maybe it’s just the awfulness inside of him that wants to run away and hide forever!

A scream ripped out of Ashe as a searing pain bore into his back. Aodhan cackled at the sound, pressing it harder into his back.

After holding it down longer than necessary, Aodhan lifted the branding iron and admired the sight of the sobbing and broken ‘apprentice’ for a moment before finally putting his chains back on.

“The healers will be in here soon to make sure you’re well enough for tomorrow,” He explained, locking the final one. He stood and turned for the door, “We have a lot to talk about concerning your little tantrum.”

Ashe watched as he left, extinguishing the fire on his way out. 

[vemuabhi]

ITS OKAY TO TAKE A BREAK

Stressed Reader Comfort!

Hello!!! I am so happy you requested my dear! I am so happy to write for you. Please drink water and take care of yourself. I know it’s a hard time. But don’t lose hope and don’t let stress eat you up. You are loved and you are needed.

Pairing : Sanji X Reader

Word count : 2.2K

Warnings : Not proof read, Stress, insomnia, Hurt then comfort and a very adorable Sanji

Sanji post Tagging : @ye-rin164

 Assignment after assignment. Projects, seminars and exams. Forget about dates, you are not even having time to sleep properly since the last month. Still you stayed up many nights writing all the assignments. Researching stuff needed for the seminars. Memorising all the chapters from all the subjects. Praying to get good credits every time. Even sleeping for those 3 hours a day seemed so stressful because of your piled up assignments, which your teachers just dumped on you mercilessly.

Slowly because of lack of sleep and hectic works, dark circles were visible clearly under your eyes. Headaches became regular now. You weren’t able to focus on things properly. You just… tried to go along with the flow of day. Anything you ate tasted bland making you to loose appetite. All you now wanted was a day to just… rest.

Ignoring the good morning and good night messages from a certain someone made you feel guilty. But because of work, you couldn’t even catch a break. Yes… stress was building up in you.

Researching and taking print outs for the next “group” seminar made you work even harder. Yeah as you know how there is at least one person in the group who doesn’t even attempt to do work. Now you had FREAKING two of them in your 5 member’s team. Guess what happened. You three had to now share the burden of the remaining work.

‘Good thing Sanji isn’t here to see how much of a mess I am right now’, you thought sipping your caffeine. You felt lucky that you were at least getting time to take a quick shower every day.

On the other hand, Sanji knew. He knew how terrible your work was getting, making you to give him a single reply every two days, letting him know you were alive. If you didn’t give him that reply, he’d have gotten a panic attack on how you were. No regular messages, no dates, no video calls, not a single god damn normal call. He was really getting worried. But he stayed patient.

Nami and Robin chan suggested him to go and meet you, but he thought if he went, he’d be a problem to you for not letting you finish your work. His heart was earning to see you. To hug you. To make you something to eat. To just… be with you.

As days passed, you were getting more and more annoyed and you started to have breakouts for almost everything and nothing. Even the smallest things were making you cry. Like once You even cried as you saw a small puppy outside your apartment.

You hated to cry. But because of this pressure you couldn’t even control your emotions. You felt like you were losing yourself.

At Sanji’s house, he and Zoro were doing dishes but Sanji couldn’t help but to worry about you.

“Its just a gut feeling but I cant help but to worry”, Sanji sighed.

“If you feel like shit, why not just go to her place?”, asked Zoro

“Tsk, Its not that easy. What if I interrupt her?”, replied Sanji washing his hands after giving the last plate to Zoro.

The green haired man took the plate and placed it into the shelf. He sighed and said, “Look cook. It’s okay to go and check on her once a while, If you are worried. Maybe she needs you too”

Sanji never thought of that. He was always insecure and felt that he might disturb you if he met you. But this gut feeling of his was telling him to atleast go and see you.

“In 5 minutes, I’m leaving”, the blond told his roommate before going into his room. Zoro just smirked before closing the shef door.

You sat in the corner of the room. Your books were still open and you knew you were supposed to study. Then… the negative thoughts hit you. Your brain wanted to play some tricks on you. And it chose this freaking time to do that.

‘Yeah… you are not gonna get good grades even if you do this’

‘Sanji is so hardworking. He’d be so disappointed to have a person like you as his lover’

‘All your assignments are worthless, stop giving yourself enough credit’, you looked into your mirror.

Tears slid down your face. You looked terrible. With messy hair, unwashed clothes, dirty room. You wanted to tear the place down. You were so hurt and pressured.

*Ring*

Your train of thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. You wiped your tears quickly and stumbled as you made your way towards the main door. You swung open the door and your (eye colour) orbs met the all blue orbs. The golden hair smoothly covered one of his eye. His smile brightly as seeing you.

“Aish! Y/N, how many time have I told you to check before opening the do-”, He didn’t even complete his sentence and you ran into his arms, tightly embracing him, making him to take a step back.

He instantly knew something was wrong with the way to you hugged him. He wrapped his arms around your body. You started to cry as he hugged you.

“Sanji… I… I can’t… I hate this. I don’t like this”, you whimpered between your sobs. He soothingly rubbed the back of your head.

Without breaking the hug, he pulled you inside the house and locked the door. Leaning his back on the door, with still you hugging him, he pulled you even closer. He patted your back while you buried your head in the crook of his neck.

“Y/N, look at me dear”, he asked and you slowly looked at him. His expression from worry turned to one of a sad one.

“I missed you so much”, you cried even more looking at him.

“Shhh~~ Y/N, I’m here. Please don’t cry. This hardship will pass away. Don’t let the stress eat you up”, he kissed your forehead as he calmly whispered into your ear.

Actually Sanji was also so hurt because of your situation. But if he wasn’t strong, who would encourage you.

Soothing your tears away, he kissed your eyes.

“I am sorry. I look horrible”, you sniffed and damn yes, he was not happy by the way you said it.

“Don’t ever say that. You are the most amazing and hardworking person. Give yourself a bit more credit”, he shook your shoulders as he said that.

“Listen here, you are tired, but you are still very much beautiful. All you need is a good night sleep”, he said as he pulled you towards your bedroom.

The bed was a mess. Books, papers, laptop, stationary on it. You felt embarrassed as Sanji saw you in your worst state.

“Sorry Sanji for making you see this”, you said as Sanji just made his way into the room and started to quickly clean the bed.

“You are apologising way too much Y/N. If I didn’t support you now, I shouldn’t even call myself your friend let alone your boyfriend”, he said.

Within minutes, he cleared everything up. You went towards the table to continue your work, but then, you felt your wrist being grabbed.

You looked at him and he looked at you with worried eyes.

“Y/N, I never said you should now write your paper”, he said sternly. Even though his voice was deep, his eyes showed worry.

“But I should complete it”, you said but he was quick to pull you towards him. He lifted you up with grace and walked towards the bed swiftly and plopped you on it. You couldn’t even protest because of how quickly it happened.

You tried to get up but then he decided to jump on you and cuddle you. You chuckled at how he behaved like a small child. When he heard your laugh he looked up to you, his head still placed on your chest. Oh how much he wanted to hear that laugh of yours. But you yourself didn’t knew when you fell asleep. As Sanji was looking while you laughed, you almost immediately fell asleep.

He smiled at you as you slept. He woke up and went towards your desk and sat on the chair.

Looking at the assignment that you should start, he analysed what you wrote in the roughly at the side. He took your phone and placed his thumb on the finger print scanner. Yes of course, you guys are having the healthiest relationship. He went towards the pdf of the assignment due dates and found the assignment you were working on. And damn he got angry at how many assignments you were given. The one you were working on was to be submitted the day after tomorrow.

‘Damn… no wonder Y/N had to stay up most of the night for these’, he thought as he called one of the smartest people he knew. No… it wasn’t Luffy. He has the devils Luck to pass his exams.

“Hey Robin chan! This is Sanji”, he said as he looked at the assignment.

“Hi Sanji. What happened?”, she inquired

“Robin chan, I actually need some help”, he started to ask about the assignment and how to collect the required information related to it.

Robin chan understood the situation and started to explain.

“So Sanji, Don’t waste your time searching all the websites. Just go to the websites I told you and you can see almost every possible explanation required to you”

Sanji searched on the laptop as he placed the phone between his shoulder and ear. The un-lit cigarette was dangling between his lips. The habbit of having it made him focus on things even more. But he ofcourse didn’t want to light it and make you wake up from its smell. And for gods sake, it was your divine room. He would never light a cigarette here. Soon he could see the information required to your assignment.

“Oh yes! I got it Robin chan! Thanks for your help”, he thanked her and they both ended the call after the exchanging a few more casual talks.

He looked at some other sites Robin mentioned and found everything that you required for writing this assignment. He actually wanted to write for you but, he knows that you’d feel guilty if he wrote it. So he just searched it for you. Then looked at another assignment which was the next one you had to submit in 5 days from now. So, he started to search for it and found the required information. He looked at the time and noticed that, it was already 2 in the morning. He didn’t even knew how the time passed while he searched for the information.

Sanji stretched his arms and stood up. He walked towards the bad, where you were sleeping peacefully. He smiled at you before kissing your forehead. He hugged you as he slept beside you.

The next day you woke up to the aroma of the food. You woke up from the best sleep you had. It was so refreshing and you felt so much better with it. You got up from the bed and went to the kitchen, where you saw the blond cooking for you.

You hugged him from behind as he grinned at your cute behaviour. “Good morning love”, he greeted you as he placed one of his arm around your shoulder and snuggled closer to you.

“Thanks for making this baby. I am so thankful for this”, you said pecking his cheek. He smiled and continued to make the breakfast.

“Its alright. Well, Y/N, you need to eat before you start writing the assignment. You smiled looking at him. ‘I am sure lucky’, you thought. You ate breakfast and then Sanji showed you the information he collected to write the assignment. Just when you thought you couldn’t fall in love with him more, he proved you wrong.

He was beside you leaning down with the laptop before you two as he was talking about some websites Robin chan mentioned. You placed your hand on his chin and turned him towards you then  pulled him in for a kiss.

“I think, I found the best boyfriend one could have. I’m so lucky”, you said as you hugged him

He blushed so hard when you said that.

“AHHH!! AND YOU ARE THE BEST GIRLFRIEND Y/N, I LOVE YOU TOO”

That day you both wrote the assignments together and finished them.

“Its okay to ask for help Y/N, I am always happy to help you”, Sanji said as he held the finished papers of the assignment.

You smiled back at him and said, “Thankyou Sanji. I… I’ll ask your help”

XOXOXOXO

So, I hope you liked this one shot. I felt so connected writing this. If you are facing a similar situation. Just remember. You need rest and you can always ask for help. Please give yourself credit and stay positive.

Like/Vote, Comment, Reblog/Share if you liked it!

Follow for more content!!

[morgana-ren]

45 and 60 for the shiggy ask list?

Nice. Fuckin' nice. Warnings for, of course: Masturbation, spanking, noncon, dubcon, implied nastiness, him being a fuckin’ degenerate, slut-shaming, and general incel-ish behavior.

Wet dreams are an obnoxious, awkward sort of burden to carry no matter how many hands you have. 

He’s perfectly content with a dreamless sleep, and he’s since long come to terms with the nightmares that plague his subconscious on the off nights. Shiftless, empty voids mired by shrill screams from a voice he can’t recognize; Visceral, grainy-red misery he can’t wade through, slogging endlessly onward toward nothing. Eternal, burdensome fog that sits thick in the air of his unconscious until he wakes. It was bothersome as a child, but it brings a strange comfort now. Like a heavy, weighted blanket that keeps him anchored to his goal.

Wet dreams on the other hand? Those bring nothing but problems. 

It sits awkwardly on his mind as his eyes flicker open, greeted with a dark ceiling and an even darker room, only the light of his monitor casting shadows around the walls. There’s a cramped pain in his crotch that shakes his mind back into consciousness, head of his cock pressing painfully against the jagged teeth of his zipper. A quick, half-awake glance at the clock reads the early morning hours- Too early. He’d retired prematurely the night before, thanks to unforeseen circumstances.

Whatever it was he was dreaming about, it slips quickly through his fingers as his brain ignites once more, but he has an inkling as to the culprit. 

Most times, he’d welcome an unsuspecting girl leaning so far over the tap that he gets a nice, long, free peek at the goods, but not when it’s you. He works with you, and that’s a line he’s not eager to cross. That complicates things, and as he counts it, life is complicated enough as it stands. Start lusting after your underlings and you’re inviting a litany of problems, and he doesn’t need any more of those. 

But he’s a man; A man with neglected needs, and you’re foolish enough rest your chest against the counter of his bar with your elbows pushing your tits together into nice, thick, creamy globes- right in front of him, no less- only inches from his nose and it takes every ounce of discipline in his degenerate mind to keep him from burying his face right between them.

It was easy to ignore for one, two, maybe three minutes, but that’s when things got a little rough. 

After that point, he wasn’t responsible for where his mind went, and that’s the precise moment when he realized he might’ve had a little too much to drink to be in this position.

He’d kicked off the stool and stalked off without another word to anyone, resolving to confine himself to the murky solitude of his room until his mind opted to behave. Punishing himself like a naughty dog caught drooling over someone else’s fat, juicy steak.  By the time he’d shut his door, his erection was already painful, throbbing and straining against his thigh, but he refused to reward this kind of behavior from his brain. 

‘She’s a teammate, dammit. Knock it off.’

As if scolding his libido has ever worked. 

He goes to bed without satisfying himself, but can’t help humping into his mattress as his drifting mind wanders further and further from control and further still from alert consciousness. Without his iron will there to curb his impulses, he was lulled into his lustful dreamsphere, mind swimming with visions of you; Less dressed, infinitely more slutty versions of you with knees rubbed raw, kiss-swollen lips and wrists shackled to his bed- not that there’s anywhere you’d rather be, that sly little voice tells him.  He doesn’t recall the specifics, but apparently his cock does. Skin pulled taught over his aching prick, tip flushed a furious shade of red, leaking viscous, pearlescent fluid that wets through the fibers of his jeans. It thrums, pulsing with each beat of his heart behind his ribs, demanding his attention. 

“Fuck- quickly then.” He seethes, more annoyed than aroused, loathing the thought of being jerked around by his own body. Yet he knows himself well enough to understand that if he doesn’t quell the urge, it will linger on in his mind until he deals with it, so it’s better to bite the bullet and swallow his pride lest it gluttonously feed into itself like a lustful ouroboros and become a problem. 

Fingers shove beneath the waistband of his jeans, the others hastily unbuttoning the silver teardrop link just beneath his navel. Fishing his cock out is the easy part; it’s everything that comes afterward that’s troublesome. 

He thinks of his basics. Of lewd hentai and girlish squeals, of wide, plush thighs and coy smiles. Sensual fingers beckoning him, throaty voices begging him to do as he will with their pliant bodies. Open mouths and pretty, ivory teeth, tremoring bodies and sweat and- He fucks them. He fucks them- no, he fucks his fist. He fucks his fist and fucks their gooey insides, fucks his fist and- it’s just not enough. He imagines their drooling mouths taking his cock, cooing praises- The climax builds, tension building to a terrible, tensing peak and then falling back down again into frustration. Teeth gritting in anger, muscles prickling and tightening in his forearm. 

It’s not doing it. He can’t cum. He gets close and it peters out back down into nothing but a slight twitch and low drawls of pleasure. No matter how he strokes, how tightly his fingers grip his shaft, he can’t make himself cum.

Fingers furled around his cock, he tries for longer than he really cares to admit. Hips stuttering up to meet his hand, broken gasps rapidly twisting into drawn out grunts of irritation. Boredom rapidly replacing any sense of incentive to continue touching himself. Offhanded strokes and daydreaming lead him no where.

He can’t cum. 

Until he thinks of your tits bulging through your shirt against his counter, your pretty smile as you flaunt it all in front of him. What you might look like pushing your slutty little body against him, mewling and begging for him to touch you because only his fat cock can satisfy you and you’ll do anything to have it. 

A throb against his palm. Pleasure veining through his body as he rolls his hips against his moist grip. Enough to draw a groan. 

She’s a teammate. Control yourself... 

After this. 

He thinks of your bouncing tits, bare and glistening, puckering underneath his touch as he rolls and twists a nipple between his fingers. Wide, bleary eyes and deceptive little kitten licks on the tip of his cock until he shoves you down and your silken throat strangles him to completion- his copious cum splashing across your open mouth, your fluttering eyelashes, marking you with his seed across your eager face. Nails digging into your waist, maneuvering you over the counter and kicking your legs apart, burying himself in your clenched cunt as you drool like a fucked out whore, begging your boss to stretch you wide. Wiggling your bare ass against him, teeth and bruises imbedding into your skin, crying for him to fuck you open as his cum still tacks across your cheeks like the nasty little slut you are-

He’s so close, close enough he can feel the heat in the crevasses of his fingers, but the knock on his door jars him, sending him careening back into reality even as his dick pulses in his hand. Muscles tense, frozen like a deer in headlights. His mind still drowned in desire, the end so close he can taste it. 

No response. Another knock. This one harder. 

The bar wasn’t built for privacy in mind, and his room is held together with plywood and ill-fitting hinges. Most people are smart enough to leave him alone and not touch his door in general, but not you, huh? Your second hollow knock budges the latch and the door creaks open in one fatal moment. 

He’s met with your shocked face and widened eyes, both glowing eerily pallid in the light of his computer monitor. Your attention focuses, first on his face, shifting to his swollen cock clutched between his slender fingers, and after another moment, back to his face. 

“Shigaraki-” is all you can manage, weak and pathetic, hands raising in defense to shield your vision and hide the painful embarrassment written plainly across your face. “-Sorry- Sorry- Fuck, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean-” Red handed is one word for it, but so is opportunistic.

“Get in here and shut the door.”

You don’t think twice about your boss’s command, following his orders without question out of impulse despite the awkwardness. Word vomit spills from your lips, trying to justify and separate yourself from the situation in the same breath. 

“I’m sorry- sorry! You seemed mad when you left and I didn’t want to leave it- I thought you were mad at me- I didn’t want-” “To disappoint me?” 

“Y-yeah- I thought-” Your eyes drift toward the ceiling, trying to keep away from the proverbial elephant in the room- the pale cock cradled in his hand. “I’m sorry! I just thought-” 

“What did you think?” 

“I thought I said something that made you mad or something! You kept looking at me like-” Your voice cracks, perhaps in recognition, but you ignore that too. “Like you were disgusted-” 

His control shatters with the vulnerability on your face, lust tidalwaves over reason, burying any semblance of order he had beneath a landfill of repression. All he wants now is to see you the way he does in his head: Begging and crying and screaming his name. 

This will have consequences, but he doesn’t really fucking care right now. 

He lurches forward, four fingers swirling in the fabric of your shirt as he jerks you forward. “I was disgusted.” You fall across him with a startled shriek, awkwardly splayed across his legs and the upper portion of his bed. He’s quick to readjust you, dragging you back into his lap with his naked, palpitating cock pressed flush against your chest separated only by a thin layer of fabric. One hand threads through your hair, stroking your scalp with his nails before clutching down. “Flashing your slutty tits in my face all night.” Trying to scrounge away from him is fruitless, clawing at his bare mattress with your nails and trying to kick your way out of his grip, but he puts a quick stop to it. A few harsh tugs on your hair and you settle down like a good girl, whimpering and shaking in a way arouses him more than he thought possible at the moment.  “I didn’t- I didn’t mean to-”  “I didn’t mean to-” He mocks, raising his voice in a cruel mimicry of yours. “Shut the hell up. You know exactly what you’re doing. You’re writing checks you can’t cash, and someone needs to teach you a lesson.”  His hand catches on the back of your thigh, slowly snaking upward until- to your utter mortification- he pushes the hem of your skirt up to your waist, jiggling at the fat of your ass with his palm. Your miserable bleating does little to deter him from fingering at the strap of your thong, admiring the lace before pulling the band back with the crook of his finger and letting the elastic snap against your skin.

“Tomura!-”  “Be quiet. You can speak when I tell you that you can speak. In fact-” He pulls your underwear down to your taut thighs with a harsh yank. “-you’re going to count it out for me, and when I’m done, you’re going to thank me, aren’t you?” 

The little fire of defiance dies in your belly is swiftly snuffed out when, through the corner of your eye, you catch him leering at your exposed ass, face dusted a ruddy pink and pupils dilated in a way that leaves him looking more monster than man. 

“You’re going to count it for me, yeah? Understand?”  “Count out what?” 

You stammer and trip over your words, wide eyes bleary, and God he loves it when you play dumb. You’re sharp as a tack and swift as a whip, and there’s not a doubt in his mind that you know exactly where this is going, but you’ll play the bimbo because you’re holding out hope that taking advantage of you is too far, that even villains have a sense of comradery and he’s your boss and has a sense of shame.  All incorrect assumptions. 

He brings his hand up, only to immediately plumb it back down again on the curve of your ass with the resounding smack of flesh on flesh. The skin ripples as he makes contact, and you yowl something fierce as the pain blooms through your bottom- half startled, half humiliated.  “One-” The fingers looped through your hair clench and remind you of what exactly that he expects, words hanging thick as he expects acquiescence and your full participation. He’s not known for his patience.  “O-one.” 

“Good girl.” 

His hand raises again and your eyes clench shut in anticipation of the blow. It doesn’t help.  “Two.” 

“Two-!“

Three- four- five- His hand lands firmly on your backside, each one forcing you to lurch forward. It’s degrading and sick, stomach twisting against his thighs as you desperately try to keep your breathing even despite your constricted belly. You don’t dare to attack him back- you’ve seen what he does to people who piss him off. You didn’t think he was capable of this kind of treatment- not to his friends and allies- but apparently he’s full of malevolent surprises and you’re learning that the hard way.

Six- Seven- Eight- Eyes begin tearing up around the seventh smack, trying to worm away from him only to be firmly held in place. It only stung at first, but repeated abuse to the same area has left it sore and tender because his spanks are far too rough to be playful. Strangled croaks of the numbers he expects from you turn into urgent cries, sobbing openly into his lap as he occasionally rolls his erection against your knee-squished tits.

“Nine.” 

“N-n-nine-” You are sniveling like a baby by this point. It hurts, it hurts, and you want- no- need him to stop. You’re not sure if it’s the utter humiliation or the localized and repeated pain, but nausea is curling something fierce in your gut, tickling at your esophagus with every thwack of his palm against you.

“Ten.”

There’s no sweet little precursor this time. His hand comes down with unprecedented force- too much- hitting the exact same spot for the tenth time but with enough cruelty behind it to break what little dignity you’d had left. You wail openly at the pain, blubbering and pleading for him to stop, please, you can’t take it anymore, you can’t-

He shushes you, deceptively tender as he rubs his fingers across the marred skin, early onset bruises blooming in the abstract shape of his hand. It pleases him to see it, knows it’ll please him even more every time he watches you struggle to sit because you’ve got your leader’s handprint practically engraved on the fat of your ass for the foreseeable future.

“You did well.” Untangling his fingers from your matted hair, he pats at your head in a condescending matter, soothing you in a way that isn’t entirely genuine. That becomes painfully obvious when he grabs your tear-soaked chin and arches your face to meet his in an unnatural angle, displeasure evident across his face.

“Except you forgot ten.”

You expect him to hit you again, but he doesn’t. The hand patting at your marred skin slinks down between your thighs, teasing between your folds and circling your entrance. The hiccups and bubbling sobs cease long enough for you to squeak at his invasive probing, wiggling your hips as he slips a finger inside your damp heat. He oscillates it, first to the knuckle, but then down as far as he can, pumping in and out of you a few times before adding a second finger to the mix. 

This shouldn’t feel good. The searing tingle and clenching between your thighs is entirely unwelcome as his wandering fingers curl upward towards you bellybutton and pad at the spongy, raised flesh nestled deep in your cunt. The juxtaposition of the hideous ache from where he’d spanked you ruthlessly and the pleasure that crests as he finger-fucks you is almost too much, bordering on maddening stimulation as he adds this thumb to the mix, drawing teasing circles around the little bud.

“A-ahha-Tom-Tomura!” 

“What is it, slut? Use your words-” He drums his fingers into you harder, pressing the tip of his thumb down harder on your clit as he swirls it counter-clockwise. “Are you getting wet for me? Starting to enjoy this now that your punishment is over?” 

After a few more moments, he drawls out his fingers, putting emphasis on the obscene squelching. He withdraws his hand eventually, inspecting the gossamer slick that webs his fingers, scissoring it back and forth before dropping them in front of your face. 

“That’s all you, you needy little whore. All your whinging and crying but your sloppy cunt is aching for me, isn’t it?” 

Wiping your wetness on the purpling bruises, he promptly pushes you off of his lap and lets your body roll onto the floor, standing to loom above you with his cock bobbing just above the waist of his bunched jeans. In one swift movement, he’s got you by the hair again, pulling you up onto your knees just in front of him.

Your whimpering garners no sympathy from him, thighs worming and quim still clenching even as you fear for what’s about to happen. He’s already pushed past the limit- what’s done is done. You were a good ally, but you’re a better whore. Who’s to say you can’t be both? 

He’s allowed to have his cake and feast on it too.

“I’ll give you what you want, but you’re going to earn it first.” Jerking your head back by your sore, throbbing scalp, he taps his leaking erection on the swell of your lower lip, smearing his pre-cum across your mouth. “After you’ve earned it, that is. Now show me that you’re thankful.” 

[pastelpinkcheeks]

☆ Light and funny line of Feanor headcanons to make you forget everyone dies at the end ☆

Maedhros

☆ You might be intimidated at first because of how tall he is, but Maedhros is the gentlest giant you will ever see. He is well mannered and very behaved, with the kindest heart among the sons of Feanor. The only time you will see Maitimo going apeshit is if you insult his family for no reason at all (calling Celegorm a little bitch is allowed)

☆ While he might be a great swordsman and warrior, his foot game is also great for dancing!

☆ He is a little shy over other people calling him Maitimo, so he only tolerates his mother and sometimes his cousin Fingon calling him that. Celegorm and Curufin are strictly prohibited to even glance in his general direction.

Maglor

☆ Everyone loves his music. Everyone is also tired of trying to have a conversation and having Maglor completely going at it with the harp in the background. He doesnt do it on purpose, though, it's just that he gets LOST in the music and doesn't notice he is playing louder and louder

☆ He is the most serious and concentrated of the brothers. Besides loving music, he loves poetry and writing, and is a man of the arts.

☆ Maglor is also very sensible. He does not enjoy jumping to conclusions or doing things hurriedly. The only person who can put ideas on his head is Maedhros, who Maglor has a strong perfect older brother syndrome with. It also doesn't help the fact that Maedhros is a good head taller than him.

Celegorm

☆ Every family has a wild bitch and Celegorm is that bitch. He loves to get dirty, appear after hunting totally covered in mud to the point young Caranthir was terrified thinking they were being attacked by an overgrown Orc.

☆ A dog person, as we all know, but Celegorm is also a great bird whisperer. He will often get information from the little birds and find out where to hunt better prey. Nerdanel once tried to use that connection to fortify Celegorm's respect in Manwe. That didn't really work.

☆ He absolutely LOVES to annoy the hell out of the other brothers, especially Caranthir and Maedhros.

Caranthir

☆ He has a middle child syndrome that not even Freud could explain.

☆ He considers himself to be mediocre at everything, never mind him being a great weaver like his grandmother used to be. There are only two people who can knock some sense inside his head, his mother Nerdanel and Haleth, whom he considers a friend

☆ Despises Celegorm for getting the Miriel hair when it should've been him!!!

Curufin

☆ Daddy's boy, but not by choice at first. He didnt choose to walk around holding on Feanor's hemlines, it was Feanor who decided the new child was going to be his #1 baby.

☆ The only one to inherit the raven hair + silver eyes combo. That made him a little cocky.

☆ A walking fashion disaster, will not wear anything that is not red. Completely absorbed Feanor's poster child expectations and turned it into his fashion sense. Maedhros is a little relieved at that because he, secretly, hates wearing red because it clashes with his hair. So he is happy someone else is taking that fashion statement burden.

Ambarussa

☆ First ever twins to spawn in Vallinor so everyone is freaking out over them. Feanor is very proud because everyone is curious at how did he do it!? You're so talented Mr. Feanor! Nerdanel is mad because she was the one who carried TWO BABIES so she is the one deserving all that praise, not Mr. I-Only-Released-My-Load.

☆ They communicate telepathically but also created a special language between them that sounds a lot like an Eldritch horror speech. It freaks everyone out.

☆ They are perceived as little well behaved angels, much like Maedhros, but they are secretly little pests and love to play pranks on everyone. Most often than not, it is Celegorm or Curufin taking the blame. But since Curufin is untouchable, it's mostly Celegorm who gets yelled at.

BONUS!!

Celebrimbor

☆ Had a weird ass phase growing up where he wanted to be just like Feanor so he tried to dye his dark brown hair pure black with a concoction made out of mint, nightshade, water, oil and blackberries. Curufin stopped him before he ended up poisoning himself.

☆ Is the introvert who, once you befriend, will not shut up. This young elf can talk for days.

☆ Besides being a hell of a smith, he is also great at woodcarving in that Art Deco style, a technic he learned with his little dwarrow friends.

[justonemorechapternicercy]

Type of Kiss: Kissing in a stairwell, giving them an artificial height difference.

Physical Touch: peppering their face in kisses

Dialogue: “Only you.”

Pairing: Surprise me :)

Thank you 💙

I was really, really, really tempted. But my dear deserves some fluff, so here you are~

Triton knew he was whipped. Well, the whole city of Atlantis knew that their king was whipped since his demigod half-brother first appeared in the Underwater palace to help them rebuild the place.

Everybody was quick to simply adore the hyperactive black-haired boy, who looked so much like the Sea god, yet was so different from the ruling family. But no one adored Percy Jackson more than King Triton.

The god wanted to hate the bastard child of his father. He wanted to resent him for being the favorite of- well, everybody's favorite.

But he couldn't.

The boy was just so lovely, lively, sassy, yet caring and warm-hearted, he just couldn't hate him.

So, it wasn't a surprise for anybody, really - except for the oblivious Percy, who was never perspective enough to notice when somebody was crushing on him -, when King Triton asked him out on a date.

It was a shock for Percy - but he couldn't say no. The god he was crushing on, the man, he so desperately wanted to notice him not just as his annoying half-brother, but as a potential lover, asked him out on a date. Of course, he said yes!

Dating with Triton was just as perfect as he imagined it to be, and much more. He was a perfect gentleman, generous and playful, loving and - so, so, so whipped.

Percy could persuade him to do anything he wanted.

Adopting the Loch Ness monster as a pet? Check.

Causing havoc on Olympus by flooding the whole place because Zeus annoyed Percy? Check.

Letting Percy plan out their vacation that involved visiting places Triton never ever wanted to go? Check.

And the most recent: persuading Triton to visit Sally Jackson, the mother of his beloved, the ex-lover of his cheating father, to be introduced as Percy's boyfriend.

Triton was so whipped.

---

"Only you could make me come with you to visit your mother with these awful leg-things," complained Triton, trying to massage the cramps out of his legs. It wasn't like he never used legs before, but staying in his natural, merman form made using legs a really uncomfortable feeling.

"You know you love me," Percy teased, peppering his boyfriend's face with feather-light kisses, making those frown lines disappear.

"You are a menace," declared the god, but softly smiling, he took Percy's face into his big hands and kissed him senseless.

---

"Only you could make me, the King of Atlantis, bring your sister to an aquarium."

For Percy, it was a fun day with his boyfriend and his little sister, bonding with each other, enjoying the beautiful day.

For Triton, it was watching his subjects being held in cages, taking care of two hyperactive children, and being flirted by strange women of all ages.

"I love you too," Percy sassed, but he understood and appreciated his boyfriend's sacrifice. He pressed himself closer to Triton, enjoying the feeling of safety the bigger man provided.

He looked at the sleepily blinking Estelle in his lover's arms and wished for their own little family.

---

"Only you could make me carry you on my back like you were a hyperactive child still," grumbled Triton, yet still carried his beloved burden on his back.

"That's because I'm still a hyperactive child!" Percy declared, licking the Smurf blue ice cream he got from his eye-rolling lover.

"True," the immortal god sighed, never letting go of the legs hugging his torso. He may have grumbled about his childish boyfriend, but he knew what he was doing when he asked Percy out on a date.

He adored his little menace.

---

Standing on the staircase leading to his parent's apartment, Percy leaned forward, finally able to look directly into Triton's eyes.

"Only you could make me behave like a lovesick fool," the god sighed and closed the distance between them. His eyes closed, he pressed his lips against Percy's, stealing loving, passionate kisses from his beloved.

They stood there for a while, just looking into each other's eyes and locking their lips together alternately.

"Only you… Forever," Triton whispered.

Send me a prompt!

[jessikahathaway]

Vegas, Baby - Part I

Pairing: Kim Taehyung X Reader

Genre: Mafia!AU, Romance, Smut (Slow Burn)

Warnings: Explicit Language.

Summary: After four years, you have been let go from your job. Taking a chance you head to Vegas to make the best of a bad situation. A situation that only gets worse.

“Sorry Miss Y/N, but we are going to have to let you go,” your boss’ monotone voice echoed in your ears. 

Four years of your life, wasted. Not that you particularly enjoyed the job, but it paid your bills. And that was what counted at the end of the day. Now, what were you going to do? Your parents had already said your room was still yours if you needed to move back in. It was sweet of them really, but you didn’t want to move back in with them, you wanted your freedom and you wanted to be on your own. But what other options did you have without losing everything? 

“Your separation pay will come through at the end of the week,” your ears perked up. The separation pay would be a nice amount no doubt. This financial firm didn’t come without its perks. 

“Very good, sir. Thank you for four years,” you said, trying not to let the bitter tone enter into your voice. 

“You can show yourself out. See that your desk is cleaned out by the end of the shift,” he said, turning his back to you.

Quickly you let yourself out, heading toward your desk. 

“So, what did dickhead want?” Namjoon, your table mate, asked.

“I got canned,” you whispered, gathering up your stuff.

“What? No way, let me go in there,” he said, preparing to stand up before you stopped him.

“Joon, honestly, it’s fine. I’ve wanted to quit for a while anyways,” you confess.

“But, Y/N, it’s bullshit that they fire you. If that bimbo in the receptionist office can keep her job, you can too,” he said, fuming.

“Joon, seriously, I’m fine. Do you see me crying over it?” You asked, smiling.

“You’re sure you’re good?”

“I’m positive,” you answered.

“Okay, if you say so,” he responded.

“Just let me get my shit and blow this popsicle stand,” you said, grinning at him.

“Whatever you say, Y/N, I’ll miss you here,” he said, sitting back in his seat.

“You’re acting like you don’t have my number or something,” you said, laughing lightly.

“It won’t be the same without you here to annoy,” he said, giving you a dimpled smile.

“I know, you like to do that a lot,” you remarked, throwing a good natured glare his way.

“Well, I’m good at what I do then,” Namjoon stated.

“Which should be working, don’t need you following me out the door,” you said, sighing as you collected the remainder of your important items.

The rest could be left here, consider it a gift to the next unfortunate person who has to work here.

“Hey, text me okay?” He said, giving you a little wave.

“Will do, see ya Joon,” you said, returning the wave before heading towards the door.

—

Two weeks later you found yourself on a plane heading to Las Vegas.

How did you find yourself here? Well, it was a rather impulsive decision. But you and Namjoon had decided to take the rest of your earnings from your job and make a vacation out of it. You were taking a week in the US and spending time in Vegas to get a little wind in your sails before moving back in with your parents. 

Did that take what little wind you had in your sails out? Maybe, but that's besides the point. This was your way of giving the middle finger to your old job by blowing your money on something less than recommended. 

A trip to Vegas was exactly your soul needed after four years of behaving like a good little desk minion. Years of filing and coffee runs, all going to be blown to smithereens. Thank God for that too. You didn’t want to spend another minute thinking about what had been, only what was going to be the best week of your life. 

You had a couple friends that lived in the states, and you were going to meet up with them after landing and unpacking at your hotel. Jessi and Lily were waiting anxiously for you to arrive. 

Jessi: Bitch, I can’t believe you’re actually coming. After all these years of begging, pleading and what not, you’re dumbass comes here on a whim. But, still excited to see youuu xoxoxo.

YOU: R00D. I was working and busy with trying to further my career that capped off at a measly management position. Where the hell were you m8?

LILBITCH: Okay, it is like midnight here so can yall quit your yapping and do the sleep sleep? K thnx.

YOU: Sorry Lily, Jessi decided to be a boob in the group chat. Rest young one.

Jessi: ExCuSE? I Did NO SucH thInG?!?

YOU: You did! And are still doing it!

LILBITCH: Can yall argue in a separate thread plz?

Jessi: Nah, bugging you is wayyyy more entertaining.

LILBITCH: I pick the worst friends. Consider yourself disowned.

YOU: Children children, I come to bring peace to all four nations.

Jessi: The only thing you bring peace to is a party, and that’s what we’re going to fix while you’re here. You are going to get wasted and you are gonna like iiitttt >:(

LILBITCH: Jessi what are you even doing up?

Jessi: Sleep is for the weak.

LILBITCH: No, it’s for people. You know, who aren’t fucked in the head??

YOU: We gonna ignore the fact that she practically said I don’t know how to party?

Jessi: I am perfectly sane!

LILBITCH: Yeah right....

YOU: So we are ignoring that deep insult? K great. 

Jessi: Sorry Y/N, it’s just been so long since we’ve all been together like this I’m so excited. I’m gonna put you in my man stealing clothes and you’re gonna get dicked down while you’re here! Yasssss, I love my plan already.

YOU: THERE IS A CHILD IN HERE!

LILBITCH: Woman we’re both older than you. You’re the child. Who doesn’t know how to party apparently. 

YOU: And here I was thinking you loved me Lily. This hurts. This hurts deep.

Jessi: So, slutty clothes shopping here we come???

LILBITCH: I read the word shopping and I’m so down.

Jessi: yAS

YOU: Some of my dearest friends. Insult me then demand to dress me like a blowup doll? WTF??

Jessi: Not a blow up doll! Is there a tamer version of those Lily?

LILBITCH: I mean not really.

Jessi: You’ll be the sexiest blow up doll out there!

YOU: I don’t like this.

“Ladies and gentlemen we are beginning our ascent. Please silent all devices and buckle up! Thank you for choosing Korean Airways! Enjoy your flight!”

YOU: Well you two can think of more diabolical ways to get me laid and I will be none the wiser. See you girls soon. Love ya! <3

You shut your phone off and let your head rest against the cushioned seat. Letting the rumble of the cabin lull you to sleep.

--

“Y/N!!!!” Jessi squealed as she came running for you. 

You’d slept most of the plane ride, but now you were stiff in the joints and her frame colliding with your own sent the two of you tumbling. 

“Oof, Jess! What the hell man, you’re gonna break me,” you whined as the older woman started squeezing the daylights out of you. 

“Alright pda couple break it up,” Lily’s voice filled your ears. 

You stood quickly and brought her into a hug too. 

“It’s good to see you,” you whispered, rubbing her back as you separated.

“Good to see you too, have you lost weight?” she asked, making you spin around for confirmation.

“Maybe maybe not, I wasn’t exactly eating the healthiest diet when I was at the firm so, maybe I just gained it in different places,” you laughed. 

There was a prickle on the back of your neck. Your guard went up and you looked around. But didn’t see anyone staring. Although, you were uncomfortable.

“Come on, let’s get going. We have a lot to do before tonight!” Jessi said, practically dragging you out of the terminal.

“Jesus Jessi I have ligaments and bones, those things can break you know!” you whined, but she didn’t relent. 

Climbing into the car you still felt a chill of fear run up your spine. But didn’t let it bother you. Right now was about you and your friends, not being a little paranoid after a long flight. Plus, you were abroad, there were tons of people around and that was more than likely throwing your radar off a little bit. 

“Okay, mall here we come!” Lily said with excitement in her voice. 

“But what about heading to the hotel to unpack?” you asked. 

“Oh, we cancelled your reservation. Did you know you saved almost a thousand bucks if you stay with me?” Jessi said.

“Huh? What do you mean? Guys I don’t wanna burden you!” 

“You aren’t going to be, our most recent roommate has vacated the room and left it in perfect condition. It can be yours if you decide you wanna stay for a while?” Lily suggested with a brow wiggle.

“You two are impossible,” you complained, leaning your head against the window.

“Impossibly smart,” Jessi narked. 

You sighed as you watched the cityscape pass you by. Jessi and Lily chatted about nothing it seemed like, but it was comforting that you all fell back into rhythm so quickly after so long of not seeing one another. It made your heart squeeze painfully at the thought of being apart. But you were here now, and that’s what mattered. 

Lily was telling you all about her work at the little cafe she co-owns. She handles the customer service end while her partner handles the more... businessy aspect. 

“And then one of my servers swears she saw a ghost of an old lady in the back room. The building used to be a house but now we have renovated it and turned it into the cafe like I’ve told you. But, I looked into it. And a lady did actually die in there in the fifties. How fucking crazy is that!? And, get this, if it hadn’t happened within the last ten years, the realtors don’t have to divulge that information. How fucked,” Lily sighs. 

Jessi pulls into the parking lot of a large shopping center and you girls all get out, wallets at the ready. 

Linking arms with them you smiled brightly and started walking towards the door. 

About an hour later, your feet were killing you and you hadn’t even tried anything on, much to the dismay of your friends. 

“Come on Y/N, you need to at least try one thing on in this next shop,” Jessi pleaded. 

“Why? I packed clothes you know?” you said, 

“And knowing you they won’t be attention getting enough,” Lily commented.

“Rude, you don’t know what I got,” you scoffed. 

Lily rolled her eyes and picked you up off the comfortable bench you had settled down on and now you were being dragged off of it like a leech of an arm. 

“Come on Y/N, I have the perfect place in mind,” Jessi announced, leading the pack towards another stylish little boutique. 

“If I try something on will you guys quit pestering me?” you whined out. 

“Maybe, depends on if we like it or not,” Lily’s voice rang in your ear. 

Somewhere, deep down, you knew letting them drag you to a shopping mall was a bad idea. But you hadn’t realized how bad until they had you dressed to the gills in sequins, sparkles and everything glittery. 

“Guys this stuff is itchy!” you said, itching your thigh, that was barely covered, for emphasis. 

“Oh come on, Y/N, you look great! It really shows off those curves!” Jessi complimented, spinning you around.

“I brought the same style of dress, but in a popping red color. It will compliment her eyes for certain,” the lovely assistant of the boutique said. Of course they were trained to reach for the priciest piece they had, and tell you it would look good on you. But hey, A for effort. 

“Oooh! Y/N, try it on, try it on!” Jessi yelled. 

“Shh, we are in a store!” you scolded. 

“God you’re worse than my mom,” Jessi rolled her eyes.

“Am not. I’m just trying to contain my two four year olds!” you said exasperated.

“As the youngest isn’t it your responsibility to be rambunctious. Getting into all kinds of trouble?” 

“That’s what we’re here for Lily, she’s had a stick up her ass for too long called adulting,” Jessi teased.

“Remind me why I’m friends with you again?” you asked, teasing right back.

Jessi just laughed and went to go peruse the racks again. Lily snuggled up beside you and wrapped her arms around you tightly. 

“I missed you,” she whispered.

Smiling you gave her a tight hug. “I missed you guys too.”

Jessi came back with a sexy white number that has cut off sleeves that draped off your shoulder elegantly and it was a little longer than the others they’d thrown you in during that afternoon.

Seeing your eyes looking at the dress with interest, Jessi knew she had won. 

 “Wanna know the best part?” Jessi asked, raising a perfectly sculpted brow in your direction.

“What?” you asked. 

“It was on the sale rack!” she smirked. 

“Okay give it here,” you said, holding your hand out. Jessi smiled and plopped the dress in your hand without hesitation. 

You shuffled into the dressing room and pulled the garment on. You looked at yourself in the mirror and almost fell over. This wasn’t you. The girl looking back at you was a beautiful woman, someone with poise and elegance. Or was that what the dress conveyed? Because you felt almost empowered in this dress...

“Okay, show us what you got!” the girls said, waiting for you outside the dressing room.

Stepping down onto the floor the girls were silent. 

“Well?” you asked, feeling a little self conscious at all their staring. 

“Y/N, if you don’t buy that dress then I will and force you into it tonight,” Jessi said, still staring.

“Does it look alright?’ you asked, tugging at the fabric.

“Yes now quit fidgeting! We’re trying to figure out what shoes, make up and hair we need to do,” Lily said, settling your hands at your side. 

“I think a red pump,” Jessi said, running off to one side of the store.

“And a red lip to match!” Lily echoed. 

“I love the way you think,” Jessi said back.

You looked down at your bare feet on the floor and sighed. 

“I don’t know, should we go clubbing tonight? I just got here and kinda want to-”

“Not bail out on us and have the fun you wanted to have by coming to Vegas?” Lily offered. 

You sighed and rubbed your face. Jessi came back with a crimson red pair of heels that already made your feet hurt. But you decided to quiet down and just enjoy the time you had with your friends. It was so nice to bicker with them and laugh, it really made your heart soar to be here with them. Even if they were forcing you into some uncomfortable shoes. At their cores, they were great girls, and you were so lucky to have them in your life. 

“There, see how it lengthens your legs?” Jessi pointed out. 

“See how it will destroy my ankles?” you said back.

They just laughed and you guys took everything to the checkout counter. The clerk cashed you out and you ladies were on your way. 

“I’m so glad you bought the shoes too! They look so killer with that dress, and we’re going to make you the prettiest thing at the club tonight! Not that you need much help,” Lily smirked, linking her arms with yours.

You shoved her a little but walked down the hall with her happily.

Until you felt that chill that had run down your spine earlier, reappear. You stopped in your tracks and turned, certain that someone was watching you. But no one was there... It made unease churn in your stomach. Jessi seemed to notice your hesitation and came over beside you. 

“Something wrong?” she asked, trying to look in a similar direction as you.

“No no, it’s nothing. I’m fine,” you smiled weakly, going to move forward.

“If you’re sure,” Lily answered, following close behind.

“Yeah,” you confirmed.

After that you only went to one more department store and found nothing of interest, so you guys decided to call it. Walking back to the car, Jessi ran ahead to make sure that it was unlocked. Lily and you walked at an even pace, just enjoying each other's company.

Loading everything into the car you took off down the road for Jessi and Lily’s house.

Slowly, the sensation of being watched faded from your mind. And the three of you went back to your bickering and teasing. 

Finally, you pulled into the driveway. 

Jessi and Lily were quick to help you with your luggage, making sure everything got into the spare bedroom. And then, the work began. 

“Babe, we love you, but you gotta take a shower,” Jessi said, pinching her nose for effect.

“Rude, I literally took a shower before I boarded the plane,” you told them.

“Yeah, and you smell like plane and food court, so go. Cleanse thyself,” Lily commented, looking at her phone.

“Fine fine,” you agreed, heading towards the bathroom. 

Jessi handed you the dress and some undergarments and went into the kitchen. 

The hot water felt heavenly on your body, washing off the grim of travel and shopping. It was nice. The foamy soap on your head invigorating you. You shaved every part of your body known to man, and woman to be honest. 

But when you stepped out of the shower. Instead of the normal underwear you had picked out, was something else. 

Sorry, but we had to burn those granny panties. Wear this instead! We bought them today while you were busy being one with the bench. We know they’ll fit you!

Jessi & Lily

“Those little shits!” you exclaimed, looking down in despair at your underwear option now. 

Pink lacy panties were set on the bathroom counter. How did you not even hear them come in!? You looked at the bra and were certain that you’d be able to see a nipple through the lace that was supposed to be covering your shit. But apparently the quest to get you laid was a serious endeavor in their minds. So, to humor them, you put on the garments. That, in fact, fit perfectly.

“Those creeps,” you shuddered, wondering how your friends had known your exact size.

Pulling on the dress you bought earlier, you marveled at yourself in the mirror. You looked really good. And just as before, you felt as if you could conquer the world, in just this dress. But, you knew the only thing you’d conquer was maybe a bar scene, which would work. For now.

Walking out you found the nasty culprits of the underwear heist sitting around a vanity full of makeup.

“Wanna tell me why I’m wearing underwear that barely covers anything?” you said, venom in your tone.

“Because you put it on,” Jessi said, with a smirk.

“You guys are so fucking nosy,” you whined, throwing your headback in a mock tantrum.

“We aren’t nosy enough, when was the last time you got dicked down?” Jessi asked, suddenly serious.

Scandalized you made a squeak of discomfort. 

“Wh-Why the sudden curiosity??” you asked.

“Because, we gotta know how out of practice you are,” Lily said, as if it were obvious.

“I’m not out of practice!” you shrieked. 

“So it was recently then?” Jessi smiled. 

“No! I mean-shut up!” you cried.

“When was the last time Y/N,” Lily said calmly.

“Three years ago,” you huffed, crossing your arms in defense.

The two girls almost choked. 

“THREE YEARS!?” Jessi screamed.

“I’m right here, there’s no need to scream,” you said.

“BUT Y/N, THAT’S THREE YEARS,” Jessi yelled again.

“I can tell time, Jessi,” you commented.

“How? You’re practically a nun,” Lily snorted.

“I am not!” you defended.

“Sweetheart, listen we are doing this out of love,” Jessi shushed you, cradling you to her chest. “We will help you. Sit down.”

“This is all very offensive, just so ya’ll know,” you said, pointing to them with an accusing finger.

“Shut up and sit down,” Lily said, grabbing her hair appliances. 

You settled into silence, letting the girls do whatever they wanted to you. You found it was easier this way than fighting with them the whole time. As much as you loved them, these girls were bossy and pushy. But, you wouldn’t have them any other way. They helped even you out, making sure you got out there and did have some fun in your life. 

Lily was in the process of doing your hair and styling it the way she thought would work the best, while Jessi was deeply focused on doing your makeup. You saw the crimson colored lipstick come out and knew it was as Lily recommended earlier.

Jessi painted it on your lips with a precision that was awe inspiring. You just stayed still and let them continue their work. Enjoying the transformation happening before your eyes. Before, you were a nervous little office worker. Now, you were a girl on a mission. What mission was still to be decided, but it made you feel powerful. Not saying that you didn’t feel powerful without it, but it was nice to get dressed up every once in a while and to feel sexy. 

Lily put down the hair products and smiled at her work. 

“You look fucking hot,” she pointed out. 

“Don’t make her smile. I'm working on the concealer around her lips,” Jessi whined.

“Sorry sorry, just, she’s really beautiful,” Lily smiled. 

“We been knew,” Jessi smirked. 

“Right right,” Lily said, going to gather the tights and shoes.

“Thanks Jessi,” you said as you stood up, stretching lightly.

You felt a light smack to your butt and you smiled back at her. 

“Sorry, couldn’t resist,” she giggled. 

“Alright ladies, we need to make a game plan for the night!” Lily announced as she walked back into the room.

“What do you mean?” you asked, raising a brow at her. 

“Who wants to get laid, who wants to wing woman and who wants to be the sober one,” Lily said.

“Well, Y/N is the getting laid one,” Jessi confirmed.

“Did you ask Y/N if she wants to get laid?” you asked, pointing to yourself.

“Fine, Y/N, do you not want me to find you a fine specimen of man that could knock your socks off in the bedroom?” Jessi said.

“Well... I mean, it’s not that I don’t want that but...”

“But what?” Lily asked, coming to sit next to Jessi.

“I’m shy, I don’t really attract people. I’m more of a hang out in the corner until I’m drunk enough to approach someone type of gal,” you said, biting your lip.

“Don’t ruin my hard work,” Jessi warned. 

“Sorry, nervous habit,” you answered, stopping the action quickly.

“Y/N, it’s all up to you, we don’t really have to go out but I thought this is what you came here for? To let loose and have some fun before moving back with your parents. But if all you wanna do is have a girls week then we can do that too... But, honestly you look amazing and any guy would be lucky to get with you,” Lily said. 

You thought it over. 

This is what you came here for. To let loose like she said. But now that it was happening you were retreating into office worker Y/N, not the badass you wanted to be for at least a week. So, you didn’t see the harm in getting laid. Honestly, it might get some of the pent up stress out of your system, and that sounded great.

“No, you guys are right. I wanted to come here to be free for a while. What’s the point in hiding in the corner when I can be the center of attention for once in my life. I say, let’s do it,” you said, confident.

Jessi squealed excitedly and clapped her hands. 

“Yes! We are gonna be the best wingwomen you’ve ever seen Y/N! We’ll pick a great one out for you,” she said.

“She also has eyes, Jessi, she might find the one,” Lily chastised. 

“Yes, yes sorry,” she said, shuffling through her closet in disinterest.

“Okay, so Jessi and I are both going to be wingwoman. It’ll be a shared effort so we can pick the best guy,” Lily announced. 

“Right,” you said. 

“But like Lily said, you have eyes. If you find someone you’re vibing with, let us know!” Jessi said back. 

“Okay,” you agreed.

The rest of the evening was spent making out rules and exchanging safety measures to make sure no one got hurt or left behind.

This was going to be very fun.

[the-void-i-scream-into]

White Tulips - a JunJin fanfic 2/3

Full Story: Part 1, Part 3

Hello Everyone! I hope you are all happy and healthy. Part 2 of my Junjin fanfic is finally up. Thank you so much to the beautiful and wonderful people who liked my fanfic. I am so sorry I have not been responding to your lovely comments. I had exams so I was really busy but I will get to them now. It took me a long time to post this next part because I wanted to finish both Part 2 and 3. I’ll be posting the other part too once I’ve proofread everything

As always, this chapter is dedicated to the Shooters GC (which I haven’t checked in so long, I’m so sorry)  🙈 🙈

Please do be warned, this does get a little dark. But it will pay off in Part 3, I promise.

Pairing: Kang Sujin x Han Seojun

Romantic Trope: Haters to friends to lovers

Word Count: 13.5k

Rating: T

TRIGGER WARNING: Some of the themes in this story are a little dark, specifically in section iii. Please be warned. I’ve added a summary for section iii in section iv so you can skip it if needed.

PART 2

i.

They both spoke at the same time.

“Ya Kang Sujin…”

“Ya Han Seojun…”

“What the hell happened?”

Seojun had been in a strange state of mind all day. First it was waking up in the enemy’s bed, but that part he had completely blocked out. Then it was the massive hangover, the effects of which he was still reeling from. On top of that he had received a scolding for being late to practice, which caused him to be late to his commercial shoot, which caused him to be late for his recording session which was when he had been informed about his scandal.

Seojun normally didn’t care for rumors that spread about him. He relied on his performance to speak for itself; the people online with their uninformed opinions didn’t matter.

“But why did it have to be her?!” He had groaned when he first read the articles. But then he asked himself seriously, “Why did it have to be her?”

It all seemed too convenient. Additionally, she had been the one to drag him for drinks and then back to her apartment.

Was this another one of her schemes? What would she gain from doing this? Maybe it was because he was on to her and could see the truth about her and now she wanted him gone. Yes, it must have been that. Or was it not? Was his theory too farfetched? Maybe he was being too harsh. Maybe he was misunderstanding the situation.

Seojun felt conflicted. On the one hand, it would have been so easy to just blame Sujin and keep on hating her like he wanted to. On the other hand, he could hear Suho in his head, warning him about being too judgmental. Seojun normally trusted his instincts with everything but this time his own instincts were confused. Should be giving Sujin the benefit of the doubt? 

Seojun knew that if he needed answers, he would need to go to the source.

“What the hell happened?” They both asked each other at the same time but neither had the answer.

“How the hell would I know? It was your apartment.”

“The pictures were obviously taken by someone was obsessed with you.” Sujin fumed.

“Are you saying this is my fault?”

“Then are you saying it’s mine?”

“I’m not the one who took us out drinking then brought me back home to her apartment!”

“I’m not the one with the crazy saesangs!”

“My fans are not crazy! They are way better than arrogant women with a princess complex like you!”

“Don’t call me princess.” Sujin said dangerously.

“Or what? You’ll get me drunk and back at your apartment again?”

“Ah shut up, you man-child!” Sujin hung up and Seojun flung his phone across the room where it bounced onto the couch. He was seething.

“Aish!” Seojun kicked the air.

“Did you talk to Sujin?” Heekyung’s calm voice startled Seojun.

“What? Oh, Noona.” Seojun gulped.

“How was she? Was she okay?”

“Umm…” Seojun blinked

“She must have been shaken. Facing something like this can be very upsetting.”

Seojun’s shoulders deflated. “Uh, yeah…” He hadn’t considered that.

“Did she agree to give a statement to help clear up this mess?”

Oh right, I was supposed to ask her…

Heekyung continued, “I do have good news. We’ve found the person who took the photographs. So he won’t be sharing them with anyone else.”

“You have?”

“Yes. It was unfortunate. A photographer happened to be there, just as you were leaving. He actually recognized you from your voice. Talk about having bad luck.”

Seojun frowned. So, it wasn’t Sujin.

“So will Sujin do it? We just need a simple statement. She can release a post on her socials and we’ll take care of the media articles.”

Seojun rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “Um, I don’t think she’ll agree.” . Especially not after the blaming match that just happened. “Can’t we just clarify things on our end? Not get her involved?”

Heekyung smiled with a twinkle in her eye, “Oh I get it. You don’t want her to feel burdened.”

Seojun could tell what she was implying. “Ah-nee! Its not that at all!” His voice was pitched a little too high.

Heekyung laughed, “I’ve been at this for longer than you, Seojun-ah. You can be straight with me.”

“It’s not like that! I don’t care about Kang Sujin at all!”

But Heekyung wasn’t listening. “Just be careful. Your career has just started. You can’t afford scandals like these. People will turn against you in an instant, you know?”

Seojun swallowed. He knew all too well how people could turn against him in an instant, like the way thy did with Seyeon. But he wanted to believe that he would be able to face them.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be careful.”

Heekyung nodded. “Good. Now I’ll go tell our PR team to release a statement about you and Sujin being just friends.” Seojun nodded gratefully. “I think the fact that you went to school together will help. Hopefully people will buy it when you tell them nothing happened between you two.” Heekyung winked as she walked away.

“It’s not like that!” Seojun called after her.

ii.

The situation subsided as quickly as it had risen. Move Entertainment published their official statement about how it was all a misunderstanding. That Seojun had only been visiting his friend from high school and the fact that the friend was also a mutual with rising online beauty guru Lim Jukyung helped establish the connection. Seojun had been glad that Jukyung had taken those selfies with Sujin with Seojun in the background otherwise people might have just taken the statement as an excuse.

What annoyed Seojun about the whole situation was not his reputation or the online speculation but how everyone else kept teasing him about it. This was made especially worse when they were all gathered around for drinks, including his own squad, Chorong and Co., who were eyeing Sujin with a mixture of adoration—that made them stare at her, and fear—that kept them from talking to her.

“Ooh, Han Seojun you better not drink too much or you’ll end up in Sujin’s apartment again.” Taehoon teased. Seojun gave him the death glare while Sujin made a disgusted face. Everyone else laughed.

“Guys! Don’t be mean.” Jukyung’s voice went unheard among the collective chatter.

“Han Seojun, I can see you’ve been keeping a very close eye on Kang Sujin.” Chorong whispered in his ear. Seojun elbowed his ribs.

“Pay up, Sujin didn’t kill him.” Suho asked from Suah.

“You guys had a bet?” Sujin asked icily. Seojun almost admired the scathing look Sujin gave Suho as she eyed the money being exchanged.

Suho’s and Suah’s hands froze right when they were exchanging the bills.

“No?” Suho said weakly.

“Kang Su, I bet on you okay?” Suah defended.

“Ah is that so? Well then you’re off the hook.”

Suah relaxed while Suho blinked forty times, sweating. “Kang Sujin. It was just a joke okay?”

Sujin just put her hand forward and Suho silently put the money in her hands.

“Wah, just 5 dollars? I’m worth 5 million you know.”

“Sure you are. And I’m the King of England.” Seojun said under his breath. Kang Sujin and her princess complex.

“What was that?” Sujin put her hand to her ear, “I’m sorry. I couldn’t hear you over the apology you owe me.”

“What apology? I owe you nothing.” Seojun retorted, fully aware that he had actually come to this gathering to apologize to Sujin about the scandal and how he had behaved over the phone. That plan had since been abandoned. 

For some reason, he could not spit out the three words ‘I am sorry’ to Kang Sujin. No matter how much he wanted to. There was just something about her that irritated him to the point of misbehavior.

Sujin clicked her tongue at Seojun but said nothing. Instead, reaching into her bag, she pulled out a notebook and a pen.

“Here, sign this.” She ordered, pushing the notebook and pen in his face.

“What is it?”

For Kang Sujin, the biggest issue from the scandal had not been the online noteriety and not even the teasing, but the fact that everyone in her office now knew that she was friends with an idol and had demanded that she get them his autographs.

“Its for my friends at work.”

“You have friends?” Seojun said with mock surprise.

“You know I was just as shocked to learn that you have actual fans. I always thought Suho was the one buying all your albums.” Sujin said.

“Of course I have fans! I am super popular you know!” Seojun defended, pulling the lapels of his jacket with pride.

“Yes I’m sure you’re veeeery popular.” Sujin’s words dripped with sarcasm. Seojun’s pride deflated like a balloon. “Just sign. And write something nice too.” She ordered. Seojun quietly picked up the notebook, not because he was nice but because he felt he owed her this much.

“You know my autographs are worth a lot of money, right?”

Sujin made a face. “Just sign the damn thing so that the girls at work stop harassing me about you.”

Seojun smiled as he signed. His fans were awesome. “How many?” He asked.

“Seven.”

He signed seven pages, each with a personalized note.

“Be nice to my fans at work.”

“I’m always nice.”

“Sure you are.” Seojun replied skeptically. He handed Sujin the notebook. “I better not find you selling these online.” He warned.

“I’d rather starve than live off of your autographs.” Sujin bit back.

“Okay, okay! No more fighting!” Jukyung pointed between the two. “Lets all enjoy our drinks in peace.” She looked pointedly at Sujin who pointed her chin at Seojun with a ‘he-started-it’ scowl.

“Han Seo, is it okay for you to meet us in public like this?” Suah asked. They weren’t in the usual private dining area that they frequented when it was just the core group of friends. They were out where everyone could see.

“We can always hang out at our place, if you want.” Suho offered. Seojun quickly shook his head. Seeing Suho and Jukyung together outside was one thing. Seeing how they lived together was quite another. Knowing they lived together was painful enough. He didn’t want even more fuel for his imagination.

“Its no trouble at all.” He put on a smile for Suho who seemed satisfied. But, to his surprise, he found Kang Sujin giving him a strange look. She chuckled to herself but said nothing.

As they all said their goodbyes, Seojun went out the back so that he could leave in privacy. He planned on taking the long route today. A bike ride would help him clear his mind.

“Han Seojun, wait up!”

He stopped just as he was about to put his helmet on. He was surprised to find Sujin there. 

“What? Need more autographs?” He asked, cockily smiling.

Sujin made a sickened expression. “Not at all. I just… I had something to say.” She hesitated.

“Well say it.”

She cleared her throat. “It was neither of our faults. The scandal. It wasn’t that it was my building or your fans. It was someone shitty who didn’t respect our privacy. That’s… that’s all I wanted to say.”

Sujin waited for his response. Seojun could feel his face burning. He should have been the one to say all this to her, and yet here she was apologizing to him instead.

“I’msorryforwhathappened.” He said too quickly and too quietly.

“What?”

“Nothing!” Seojun shoved his helmet on to hide his embarrassed face. 

“Drive safe.” Sujin said.

“Yeah, whatever.” He rode away.

Kang Sujin was just glad she was able to spit out the words she had been meaning to say all night long. It had been weighing on her ever since they had spoken on the phone. She had promised herself a long time ago that she would try to be a nicer person and for the most part she had accomplished that. But that Han Seojun just had a way of bringing her old self back to the surface. And that bothered her.

It doesn’t matter, she told herself. She would learn how to get along with Han Seojun. It was only a matter of practice. And besides, it wasn’t as if she had to be overtly obvious about it. She just had to tolerate him.

For Jukyung. It’s for Jukyung. She would want us to get along, she lied to herself. The truth was, that Kang Sujin believed that she didn’t have a choice.

Everyone loved Han Seojun, even her best friends who had never paid much attention to him back in high school. It was all because Sujin had been absent for so long. She had missed a huge part of everyone’s lives while Han Seojun had been there for all of it.

Sujin wondered whether, if it came to choosing between her and Seojun, they would choose her. A part of her believed they wouldn’t.

She had made such a mess of things before and left things unresolved for too long. She was certain that things would never go back to the way they had been, not fully anyway. There would always be a part of them that wouldn’t trust her. And there would always be a part of her that would be heavy with guilt.   

“Ah-nee-ya.” She reassured herself. “I don’t need to worry about this.”

She was glad that the whole matter of being mistaken as Han Seojun’s girlfriend had been settled. She laughed at the very idea.

“Me and Han Seojun dating. Ah, how funny.”

Sujin had heard of horror stories about how such scandals ruined people’s lives and got them shunned by society. Thank fully, none of that had happened. Her precious peace was safe again.

Sujin could see her future now; a life where she worked hard at her non-profit, where she shared dinners and lunches with her friends and laughed about the old days, where she wasn’t told she wasn’t good enough, where she did what she wanted instead of being forced to do what her father wanted. Yes, Kang Sujin could see her like ahead—a life where she was finally happy.

iii.

At first Sujin thought she was being paranoid. But her co-workers seemed to be acting stand-offish with her, with some outright avoiding her. They weren’t replying to her as enthusiastically they used to and were having hushed conversations that immediately stopped when she approached them. They even made plans for lunch without including her.

“Is something wrong?” Sujin asked one of them.

“Not at all. Shall we get to work?” It sounded more like a snub than reassurance.

Sujin also felt the hairs on her neck rise from time to time, as if she could feel someone watching her. But when she turned around, everyone would look away.

Convincing herself that it was all in her head, Sujin ignored it and went on with her work.

But then it happened again at the convenience store. She heard her name being said in whispers behind her. When she turned, she found a couple of teenagers quickly putting away their phone. Despite the anxiety bubbling in her stomach, Sujin dismissed the incident and went home.

Normally after a long day at work, Sujin would throw her phone away, have dinner while watching TV, shower and go to sleep. But today had been strange and she was feeling out of sorts. She needed a distraction to help her calm down.

So, after a shower, she settled back on her couch with her dinner and her phone. Jukyung normally posted a new make-up tutorial by this day of the week. Sujin loved watching her transform herself from an ordinary looking girl to a stunning beauty, while explaining each step.

To Kang Sujin, Jukyung was an artist who used her face as a canvas. Sujin herself had learned a lot just from watching Jukyung. She was excited about what she would learn today.

Sujin dismissed the dozens of Instagram notifications on her phone. Suah was always tagging her and messaging her about some post or the other. Sujin would get to them later. As Sujin searched for Jukyung’s channel, her Instagram notifications kept dinging. She put it on mute and played the video.

This time, Jukyung was giving a tutorial on American style makeup and how it was different from Korean style. Sujin grinned all the way through the video as Jukyung talked through her tutorial. Sujin scrolled through the comments as she watched.

My beauty Queen! I love you!

I tried your winged liner look and was able to finally do it for myself. Thank you.

I use the exact same foundation but it doesn’t work for my skin. But looks great on you. <3

You didn’t mention the eyeliner you used here. Can you please add it in the description?

This is why I have trust issues. She looks like a completely different person. This is fraud.

Sujin frowned at the last comment. “She looks beautiful either way.” She said angrily aloud as she typed it in, punching the buttons as if she could punch the commentor. Sujin scrolled further.

Who else came here after reading the Soompi article?

This comment had a lot of likes and comments. Maybe Jukyung was getting famous enough to be reported by entertainment websites now. Sujin smiled proudly.

Lim Jukyung, yours is the best makeup channel here!

Saranghae unnie

I was so sad to learn that you were bullied as a kid. So glad that you’ve found success now.

Sujin swallowed thickly. It would always bother her to know that she had once exploited Jukyung’s past bullying for her own gain. The fact that she had once contributed to her bullying would always fuel Sujin’s self hatred. She was just glad that Jukyung had moved on from her past and had become confident in herself. And more so, had found a community online that adored her.

As Sujin scrolled down some more, she noticed that most of the comments were talking about how Jukyung was a survivor of bullying.

“Mwo-ya…”

Wow, I had no idea this girl was so brave. Bravo!!!

I’m a survivor of bullying too. Its nice to know I’m not alone.

I bet her bully is watching this now and regretting what they did.

I don’t watch makeup tutorials. Came here cuz of the bullying scandal. But stayed cuz she is so good.

The last comment made Sujin stop. “Bullying scandal?”

Sujin went to Naver and searched for scandals involving Lim Jukyung. The first few links were Jukyung’s most popular videos but beneath that were a slew of articles from slanderous gossip sites.

Girl from Han Seojun Scandal Turns Out to be a Bully

Online Star Lim Jukyung Gets Involved in Han Seojun Scandal

Han Seojun’s Alleged Girlfriend was a Bully in High School

“What?!” Sujin stood up on her feet in shock. With shaking hands, she went through the articles one by one. Somehow, someone had uncovered the post from her high school community page that had revealed what she had done to Jukyung. Except they had gotten their facts mixed up and had reported that Sujin had been the one to bully Lim Jukyung about her looks.

That girl is so despicable.

Han Seojun is hanging out with a girl like her? I can’t believe it. I actually used to like him.

I bet this girl seduced Oppa. Don’t dislike him!

I am so glad they’re not actually dating.

Her face is so evil. And she’s uglier than Lim Jukyung!

I bet Han Seojun was fooled by her. She feels like the type who uses her looks to manipulate men.

People like her should kill themselves.

Guys! I found her Inssa!

It really is her! This is authentic!

The room began to close in on Sujin. She immediately opened Instagram where her account was flooded with comments and direct messages from people either telling her to kill herself or threatening to kill her.

Her heart was beating so fast it felt like she would throw it up. She was equal parts shaken and angry. So many people were after her but she hated that these people felt they had a right to treat her this way.

Sujin opened up the messages on Instagram and began firing back to her haters, starting with the most recent messages.

Get off of my account before I report you.

No thanks, I’m not going to kill myself.

Threatening me will only get you sued.

You don’t have to follow me if you don’t like me.

“These assholes think they can bully me online? Well, they’ve got another thing coming.” Sujin growled through clenched teeth as she typed away with all her anger.

I did not bully her!

I made a mistake!

I apologized!

People immediately started responding.

You’re not even going to admit your mistake?

OMG! I can’t believe you actually replied!

Are you honestly defending what you did?

You can’t talk like that to me! I’m going to tell everyone you’re a total b****

How can you be so audacious after you bullied someone? Just kill yourself.

Do us all a favor and kill yourself.

Kill yourself.

KILL YOURSELF.

Sujin screamed in frustration and threw her phone away. It smashed into the wall and landed with a sickening thud. Her hands suddenly felt clammy. Clammy and sticky and sweaty and dirty, dirty, dirty. So dirty that they smelled.

She ran into the bathroom and furiously scrubbed her hands clean. Once, twice, three times. No matter how many times she washed or how hard she scrubbed, the dirty stench of the hate she had just received wouldn’t wash off.

Her hands became all red and felt raw and exposed. But she kept on washing till she ran out of soap. She fell to the floor, suddenly weak and exhausted. The cool tiles felt nice and it was then that she noticed how hot she felt.

Calm down. I have to calm down. She breathed in, then out. In, then out. She could hear her heart in her ears. Pounding and pounding. The walls were closing in. The messages on her Instagram suddenly had voices that shouted in her mind.

Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself.

A ringing broke through it all. First Sujin thought it was in her head but no, it was from the living room.

Her cellphone. Lim Jukyung was calling.

How could she face Jukyung? What would she say to her? Wouldn’t Jukyung say the same as everyone else?

Sujin cut the call. Notifications from Instagram were still coming in. She deactivated her account and deleted the app.

Lim Jukyung’s name lit up her phone again.

She turned it off and flopped down on her sofa, head pounding.

Her fragile little hope for a good life was now shattered completely. She could hear her father now. Hear him yell at her that she was useless, that she was pathetic, that she was stupid and inferior. Unable to beat even Lee Suho.

Kill yourself.

Her father had never told her this, but he might as well have. Even now it was his voice saying it over and over in her mind. It was his angry stare she felt on her back.

How would she face people now? People would hate her now that they knew what she had done. And her co-workers…. Of course they knew. That’s why everyone had been acting so strange.

This all felt so cruel and unfair. She had been so good these past couple of years. She didn’t want all of it to just be taken away like this.

But didn’t you do the same thing to Jukyung? Her father’s voice taunted. She was a good person too, wasn’t she? You’re nothing but a piece of trash.

I bet you think that you destroyed Lim Jukyung, Seojun’s voice said, but you’ve only destroyed yourself.

iv.

SUMMARY of iii: Because of the Han Seojun scandal, people find out about the community post that revealed what Sujin had done to Jukyung and people online start thinking that Sujin bullied Jukyung. They harrass her and it becomes a scandal of its own.

It was chaos at Move Entertainment.

“What the hell happened?! You told me you settled this!” The director threw a magazine in Heekyung’s face. Seojun saw this through the glass door and barged in.

“Is that how you treat your employees?” He demanded angrily.

“Get out. Get. Him. Out! Get him out of this company for good measure!”

Heekyung pushed Seojun out before he could do anything else, dragging him as far away as possible. “Don’t be an idiot. You can’t just barge in like that.”

“But he’s being an asshole. Should I just stand around and let you take it?”

“This is the adult world Han Seojun. Actions have consequences here.” Heekyung said reasonably. “And you’re the reason he’s so mad. A bullying scandal is serious. We’ve even publicly acknowledged that you and Sujin are friends. This doesn’t reflect well on you.”

“The articles are lying. Sujin didn’t bully Jukyung in high school. She just—”

“I know exactly what she did. You think I don’t know about what happened to my own sister?” For a brief moment, Heekyung’s professional demeanor slipped into anger. But she recovered quickly. “It infuriates me that my sister’s past is being brought up like this. But I have a job to do and I need you to cooperate with me. Okay?”

Seojun exhaled. “What are we going to do?”

“Nothing. The situation will sort itself out. You will need to keep a low profile, however.”

Seojun exhaled. “Noona, we need to set the record straight. Sujin is—”

“Sujin isn’t represented by Move, you are. None of us here can do anything about what is happening to her.”

Seojun clenched his jaw. “Have you seen what is being said about her?”

Heekyung looked away. “Its not like I enjoy saying this. I’m only telling you what I was told when I made the same request. She’s not represented by us. She’s not our concern.”

“Was Seyeon not your concern either?”

Heekyung had nothing to say to that. “I have to go back in. You stay here, arachi? Don’t do anything rash and…” she yanked Seojun’s phone from his hand.

“Ah!” Seojun tried to get it but Heekyung had the phone out of reach.

“I’m keeping this for now.” She said and left.

Seojun exclaimed in frustration, running his hands through his hair. Despite the animosity he had towards Kang Sujin, this kind of exposure to such vitriol online didn’t sit well with him. Kang Sujin deserved a lot of things, but she didn’t deserve this.

He knew Sujin was tough. But this kind of incident would make anyone crumble. He just hoped she didn’t do anything stupid.

v.

“Sujin-ah. Can you explain your side of things?”

Of course her office had heard about everything. Apparently her past misdeeds were a trending topic online. Her supervisor had called her in as soon as Sujin had shown up.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Her supervisor asked.

Sujin inhaled, “When I was in high school, I fell in love with a boy. But he had a girlfriend… she was a friend of mine. I got jealous… and petty. I published an unflattering video of her on our school’s online community. She had been bullied in her previous school because of her looks. So the video was especially traumatizing to her. I was responsible for what happened in Saebom High, but I wasn’t involved in anything that happened before that.”

Sujin looked at her hands, still red and raw, “I have made up with her since then. I’ve apologized. We’re both friends now. And I’m not a teenager anymore.”

Something stung Sujin’s hand. Water droplets? No, tears. She hadn’t noticed when she had started crying. But she kept her face straight even when the tears didn’t stop. She looked at her supervisor.

“I am ashamed of what I did. If I could take it all back… you have no idea what I would do to take it all back.” Sujin furiously wiped away her tears. She hated crying in front of anyone. “I love working here. I really do.”

Even as she was saying the words, she knew what was coming. Of course her company wouldn’t keep her on. Even non-profits couldn’t afford bad reputations and the fact that Move Entertainment had worked with her company for a lot of benefits hadn’t escaped her notice either.

“Sujin-ah.” Her co-worker said, peeking from the cubicle wall as Sujin packed up her things.

“What?”

“I never thanked you. For getting me Han Seojun’s signature.” The woman said meekly.

Sujin gave a small smile. “You’re welcome.”

The woman handed her a bunch of sticky notes. “These are goodbyes from everyone. We know you’re not getting a farewell party so we thought you should have our thoughts with you.”

Sujin looked down at the brightly colored notes that contained encouraging messages from some of her co-workers. Her dismissal had been so swift that she hadn’t even been given the chance to say anything.

“If its worth anything… I don’t believe any of it.”

Sujin smiled gratefully this time. “Thanks, Chulhee-yah. I appreciate it.”

vi.

Sujin was both grateful and surprised by how much her friends had reached out. Apparently they had showed up to her place multiple times to see if she was okay, given that she was not answering any of her calls. Sadly, Sujin had not been there to receive them. She had gone to her aunt’s place to get away from everything.

That had not proved to be a good idea.

“Have. You. Lost. Your. Mind!!” Each word was punctuated with a smack from a slipper. Her mother, the once elegant and graceful Mrs. Kang, chased her daughter around in the most inelegant and ungraceful manner. Mrs. Kang’s sister tried to save Sujin by stepping in between but Mrs. Kang still managed to get a few whacks in.

“How could you let a boy stay over at your place?!”

“Omma! That’s what you choose to focus on?!”

“Yes! How could you have disgraced your family this way? And not just any boy, an idol? What the hell were you doing with an idol? Come here.”

This was one fight Sujin would never win. Her mother was not a force of reason when she was this angry. And it took a lot for her to get this angry.

Sujin didn’t mind these smacks. They came from a place of love and worry. Eventually her mother calmed down enough to address the other issue with Sujin. She took her daughter in her arms and wailed.

“How could those people be so mean to my daughter?”

“Omma, I can’t breathe.” Her mother smushed Sujin to herself.

“My poor girl. My poor baby girl.”

In the end, Sujin was glad she had come back to her aunt’s place. It gave her the break she had needed. Away from all of the noise of her online haters, Sujin found she could finally breathe. She found great comfort in her mother’s arms and her aunt’s assurances her that everything would be fine.

However, the dread of returning to her normal life still loomed over her head. Sujin felt her throat close up every time she imagined going back to her apartment. Would the people point and laugh at her on the street? Would she be able to live a normal life from now on?

It was strange how deeply all of this had affected her. Even now, as Sujin walked from the grocery store to her aunt’s house, she felt the paranoia that people were talking about her, pointing and laughing, even though they weren’t. 

“Sujin-ah.”

And now it felt like they were actually calling out to her.

“Kang Su!”

Sujin turned in surprise, ready to fight whoever had called her. “Who is it?”

“Who do you think? It’s Jukyungie! ” A human mass known as Lim Jukyung ran towards Kang Sujin with arms wide open. The girls hugged each other tightly, Jukyung grinning with her gummy smile while Sujin stood, mouth open in shock.

Not far behind, were Suah and Taehoon.

“Ya Kang Su, at least answer your phone! Do you know how worried I was?” Suah scolded.

Sujin laughed, almost tearing up. She couldn’t believe this was happening. She had feared that her friends would turn away and curse at her after she had avoided them. But here they were, all gathered just for her.

“How’d you find me?” She asked the three. They all turned to Suho who stood there smiling.

“Hey Sujin. Have you been well?”

Of course, Suho knew where her aunt lived.

“What well? You all know what happened.” Sujin replied, not bothering to pretend that she was fine.

“Ya! What have you done to your hands.” Jukyung held up Sujin’s scabby hands with worry.

“It’ll heal.” Sujin smiled. Maybe it was the massive hug she had received, or the fact that her friends had traveled so far away to meet her, but suddenly, Sujin felt relieved. It was as if the entire situation was trivial and that she could see light at the end of the tunnel.

“Of course we know what happened.” Suho replied.

“And we know exactly how to fix it.” Jukyung grinned wider.

vii.

On the screen, in front of a ring light she had set up at her home, Lim Jukyung stood with a gummy smile and a warm welcome.

“Ahn-nyong-se-yo everyone. This is Lim Jukyung here with a new make up tutorial for all of my beautiful viewers. Uh, today I have a new kind of tutorial for you all. But before we begin, there is something that I think has been on all of our minds that needs to be addressed.”

Jukyung motioned to someone standing behind the camera to come forward. Kang Sujin entered the frame awkwardly, not knowing where exactly to look. The way Jukyung had set up her studio for this live event was to have the camera, the mirror with the ring light and her laptop screen facing her so that she could do her make up while also reading the comments. And while Jukyung was used to having all of this equipment focused on her, Sujin was not.

“Introduce yourself.” Jukyung said softly, nudging Sujin with her elbow.

“Ah, yes.” Sujin cleared her throat. “Ahn-nyong-se-yo everyone. I’m Kang Sujin.” She waved robotically while staring in the camera like a deer caught in the headlights.

Jukyung couldn’t help but laugh. “Ya, Kang Su, are you afraid of the camera?”

“Ah-neeeee, it’s just so unnatural.” Sujin quickly countered.

“Don’t worry, the camera doesn’t bite.” Jukyung put an arm around her friend’s waist. “Okay everyone now that my friend Kang Sujin is here we can talk about the recent—”

“Lim Ju, maybe we shouldn’t do this.” Sujin interrupted anxiously.

“Huh? But it’s already live.” Jukyung pointed at the camera.

“What?” Sujin on in panic.

Jukyung continued, “So everyone, as you all may have heard, Sujin and I went to the same high school together. However, before that I attended another high school where I was bullied for my looks. Sujin and I did not know each other back then and she had nothing to do with that part of my life so the allegations that she bullied me are completely false. That was another person and that person is no longer in my life.”

Sujin cut in, “However, it is true that I revealed Jukyung’s past to our school and posted an unflattering video of her online.”

Jukyung nodded, looking serious. “I won’t lie and say it was easy for me to have that happen. But… both of us have changed since then. We have grown up and grown past that time.”

The girls took each other’s hands in solidarity.

Jukyung continued, “I’m not the girl I used to be. Neither is Sujin. And while she did do something wrong… I’ve forgiven her. I would rather remember the good times we shared…” The time that Sujin caught that pervert, the time she helped rescue Jukyung from those kidnappers, the time she helped hide Jukyung’s bare face at the school trip. “There are things that I wish I had done differently too. I wish had been more confident in myself and honest about who I really was. I wish I had stood up for myself earlier. But the past is the past, and I would rather focus on the present.”

“Everyone, I am grateful for all of the love and support you showed to me. I know bullying isn’t something you get over easily and I saw a lot of you comment about the bullying that you suffered. I am grateful you shared your stories with me. I hope we can take this opportunity to help each other heal rather than put someone down.” Jukyung looked at Sujin. “Now you.”

Sujin recited nervously, “Ah. Ahn-nyong-se-yo everyone. I’m Kang Sujin.”

Jukyung giggled. “We’ve done that already.”

“Oh, yes. Um… I uh…” Sujin took a pause to collect herself. “Let me be the first to say that I’m not a nice person—”

“Yah!” Jukyung protested but Sujin carried on.

“But I’m also not the girl who posted that video about her best friend, not anymore. At that time… I was foolish. I let my personal problems cloud my judgement and I took my frustration and anger out on Lim Jukyung. I have regretted doing that every single day since it happened. I am sorry. I understand everyone’s anger towards me. I would be angry too if I heard this about someone else. However, I hope that you all will be able to forgive me, as Jukyung has.”

Sujin ended her speech with an apologetic bow. Jukyung bowed with her. The girls then shared a tearful hug. From the back, Sujin saw Suho give her a thumbs up. Sujin sent him a smile back. The girls parted, wiping their tears.

“Okay! Now that that’s out of the way, we can get on to the real reason why you are on here.” Jukyung clasped her hands together. “Sujin will be assisting me today.”

“Ah, yes.”

“So Kang Su, shall we bring out our model today?” Jukyung asked her with a mischievous gleam in her eye.

The girls nodded conspiratorially before turning to Suho who looked on, confused.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

viii.

“What is it? What are you laughing at?” Chorong asked Seojun as he leaned over his shoulder. They were at Chorong’s place where the boys were goofing off, playing video games and lounging about.

Seojun didn’t hear Chorong’s inquiry through his ear buds and kept on shaking with silent laughter.

“Hey, nobody said anything about me being in the video.” Suho was protesting on Seojun’s phone. Seojun turned up the volume to hear Suho’s annoyed grumbling more clearly. Of course, Seojun was going to make fun of Suho about this afterwards. 

“Just sit down, Lee Su, before I get mad.” Sujin commanded.

“That attitude of yours has never worked on me,” Suho replied coolly.

“Come on, Suho-ya. I do your makeup all the time don’t I? It’ll be fine. I promise.” Of course, when Jukyung said this, Suho melted like butter on a hot pan. Sujin rolled her eyes but it was clear that it wasn’t out of spite.

“Okay everyone! Let’s begin with the base and then we’ll work our way up! I am going to keep this look as natural as possible so that its not modifying anything but merely enhancing his features.” Jukyung pushed Suho’s bangs out of his forehead with a giant pink bow shaped clip. Seojun was quick to get a screen shot of it.

“What are Lee Suho and Kang Sujin doing on Jukyung’s channel?” Chorong asked in Seojun’s ear, shocking him. Seojun almost screamed in fear. He pushed away Chorong’s face to watch the video in peace.

In the live video, Jukyung was explaining the differences of applying make up on a guy’s face, versus a girl’s face.

“Sujin-ah. Why don’t you read some of the comments while I’m buffing in his foundation? You have to buff it in for a long time to make it appear natural.” Jukyung told her audience.

Sujin moved towards the camera, blocking Jukyung a little as she read off of her laptop. Her unfiltered face was front and center for the world to see. At this position it looked unflattering, which made Seojun chuckle even more.

Sujin read the comments in a robotic monotone, “Jukyung Unnie, I don’t usually watch make up tutorials. But after today I’m your number one fan.”

“Mwo-ya, this girl has no camera sense.” Seojun said to himself.

“Thank you! I’m your fan too,” Jukyung replied brightly.

“Your looks are always so classy and stylish.”

“Thank you! I’m glad you liked them. Let me know if there are any other looks you’d like to see.”

“Will you do a tutorial on how to wear red lipstick properly?”

“I’m actually planning on doing that soon!”

“Lim Jukyung, you are so beautiful. Marry me please!”

Suho got up to see the screen, “Who asked that?”

“Sit down!” Jukyung pulled him back as he grumbled. “Sorry,” Jukyung said to the camera, “but I’m taken.”

“Are you and Kang Sujin really friends now?” Sujin turned to Jukyung and all Seojun could see was her shiny black hair on screen.

“Dangyunhaji! In fact, if I wasn’t dating Suho, Kang Sujin would be my boyfriend.”

Seojun scoffed, “As if. It would have been me.”

On the live, Sujin laughed, “Is that so? We can still be together though. Have an affair behind Suho’s back.”

“Sure.” Jukyung said casually.

“Yah!” Suho protested.

Both girls giggled.

Suho looked miffed, “Kang Sujin, you’re blocking the view.” He said peevishly.

“Oh sorry. I’ll move.” Sujin circled around the couple to stand behind Jukyung and read the comments over her shoulder.

Jukyung read something on the screen and pointed it to Sujin, “Read that one.”

Sujin hesitantly read, “Kang Sujin, I’m sorry for judging you.” She looked up, “It’s okay. I can be harsh in my judgements too. The key is to try to learn from your past.” Sujin smiled at the camera before turning back to the screen.

“Kang Sujin, you’re pretty.” Sujin recited in her monotone voice. “Yes. I know.” She said without looking up.

“She is also super smart!” Jukyung gushed. “She was one of the top students in class.”

“Could never beat me though.” Suho said smugly, still sore about the affair comment. Both girls turned to Suho and stared. His mouth became small. “Sorry.”

Jukyung went back to explaining her tutorial, slowly performing each step as Suho patiently sat. She made his eyes look bigger and applied a natural lip tint to finish off.

Both girls couldn’t help but gawk at how good Suho look by the end. Jukyung removed the pink blow clip from his hair in a daze.

“How do I look?” He asked Jukyung.

“Too good, Lee Suho.” Sujin clapped. “Too good.”

Jukyung blushed but couldn’t articulate her thoughts. She stuttered, “Uh-ah! Let’s look at the c-c-comments again!”

Suho grinned.

“Lim Jukyung, you were amazing as always!” Sujin read aloud.

“Thank you.” Jukyung bowed.

“Watch the latest and best movies for free at—”

“Sujin that’s just spam.”

“Oh. Right.” Sujin continued, “Lee Suho looks prettier than the both of you.”

The girls’ face fell flat. Suho just looked innocently at the camera. The girls cleared their throats.

“Ah that’s all the time we have!”

“Ah, yes! Time to move on!”

The two pushed Suho out of the frame together.

“I can still be on camera if you—”

“No, I think the people have seen enough of you.” Sujin said while smiling widely at the camera.

Jukyung went wide eyed when she looked into her computer screen. “Ya! This live got 3.3 thousand comments!”

“Daebak. Good job Lim Ju!” The girls grinned, but then Sujin squinted her eyes disapprovingly at something on the screen. “Lim Jukyung, you look so ugly without makeup? Ya, who wrote this comment? User name KimChee23? Why don’t you show yourself to me and then we can see who’s really ugly?”

“Sujin-ah. It’s just a comment.” Jukyung tried to calm her.

“Comments matter too! Otherwise people wouldn’t be writing them! Ya KimChee23 where do you live?”

Seojun laughed out loud as he saw Jukyung try to calm Sujin down on screen.

“So, is everything all settled now?” Chorong asked Seojun.

“I think, yes. Just look at all the comments praising Sujin.”

He was right, the comments section was flooded with statements of Sujin being a brave person for apologizing and changing her bad behavior. 

“Great.” Chorong shook his friend’s shoulders. “Now you don’t have to be so troubled about Lim Jukyung.”

“Lim Jukyung? Why would I be troubled about her?”

Chorong was confused. He had not known about the scandal. The matter Chorong had been referring to was Seojun’s theory that Kang was apparently still after Lee Suho.

“I mean... haven’t you been in a bad mood all week because of her?”

“Why bother asking Chorong?” One of the boys said, “You know the answer to all of Seojun’s heartaches is Lim Jukyung.”

Seojun didn’t bother responding. He returned to his phone screen where Jukyung and Kang Sujin were wrapping up the live, waving at the camera with wide smiles. Suho was trying to get back in the frame and Sujin kept pushing his out of it.

“Ooh. Look at how Han Seojun is smiling.”

“Something good must have happened.”

“See! He’s always thinking of Lim Jukyung.”

“No I’m not!” Seojun protested. Quietly, he admitted. “I wasn’t thinking of Lim Jukyung.”

ix.

Han Seojun had arrived at Kang Sujin’s building an hour ago, but for the life of him he could not muster the courage to go up to her apartment.

“I have no reason to see her. So, why should I?” He argued with himself. He paced back and forth, going up the entrance and then going back again, unable to enter.

In his hands, Han Seojun held a beautiful arrangement of white tulips and yellow roses. White tulips as an apology and yellow roses as an offering of friendship. It was his way of apologizing for being a jerk.

After hearing everything she had said on the live event, Seojun had no doubt that Kang Sujin wasn’t who he thought she was. Certainly, if Jukyung and even Suho could trust her, then he could at least give her the benefit of the doubt. 

It had felt like a good idea at the time to try to make amends with flowers. But now that he was actually here, at her home, he felt stupid.

What would Kang Sujin say when he showed up at her place? Would she laugh at him and tell him to go to hell? Would she be offended that he just showed up, unannounced? The uncertainly of it all made him anxious.

As he went back down the steps to the building entrance for the thousandth time, Seojun bumped into a lady.

“Oh ma’am. I’m so sorry!”

The woman had been carrying tote bags with plastic containers of food in them. The bags had fallen to the ground but luckily, the containers and the food inside them were unharmed, just a little shaken.

Seojun looked at the woman with an apologetic face. She appeared to be a very dignified lady, as old as his mother. Her hair was up in a chic bun and she wore well fitted, albeit a little worn out, clothes. Her brows were crinkled in disapproval. But upon seeing Seojun, her face softened.

“Are you okay, ma’am?” Seojun asked and his humble words spoken in that rich baritone subsided the woman’s irritation further to the point where she smiled.

“Omo, how can someone be so handsome?”

Seojun beamed. Elders had always loved him. “Ah, thank you.” He responded shyly. “Let me help you carry these.” He took the heavy bags from her, putting the flowers under his arm, careful not to smush them.

“Oh no. I don’t want to bother.”

“It’s no bother at all, ma’am. I insist.” He didn���t let the woman say another word, walking past her into the building. The woman smiled and followed.

“Are you going to visit your girlfriend?” The woman asked, eyeing the flowers.

“A friend. A friend who is a girl.”

“Is that what the youngsters are calling it these days?”

“Ah-nee-heyo. It’s not like that.”

The woman just smiled knowingly. “I’m going to visit a special girl too. My daughter lives in this building.”

They entered the elevator. Seojun asked which floor the woman wanted to go to. “Oh, I’m going to the same floor. Maybe my friend knows your daughter.”

“I’m sure she does. My daughter is a wonderful girl.”

When the lady walked in the same direction as Sujin’s apartment, Seojun said, “Oh. My friend lives this way too. What a coincidence. They might live right next to each other.”

“Then you should come over with your friend. I will cook for you.”

And when the woman stood in front of Sujin’s apartment, Seojun said, “Oh, this is my friend’s apartment. Are they roommates?”

“Young man, is your friend’s name Kang Sujin?”

“Yes, ma’am. How did you know?” Seojun asked, surprised.

The lady patted Seojun’s face, “At least you have good looks.” She punched in Sujin’s passcode and went in. Han Seojun stood outside for a full minute before he connected the dots. And then his eyes went wide.

“Sujin isn’t home yet. Why don’t you wait inside?” Mrs. Kang called out.

“I’m so sorry Mrs. Kang. I didn’t recognize you.” Seojun entered, placing the bags on Sujin’s counter.

“It’s okay, Son. You’ve known Sujin long?”

“I went to Sujin’s school. I knew her through Lee Suho.” He had only seen Sujin’s mother a couple of times at school. But never up close. She had seemed so stuck up like Sujin at the time; with her fur coats and expensive jewelry. Now she seemed like just another lady. Her appearance seemed to have humbled after the divorce.

“Oh Suho! Lovely child. How is he these days? Sujin doesn’t tell me anything.”

“He’s good ma’am.”

Mrs. Kang started lining the containers on the counter. It seemed like too much food for one person.

“Sujinnie never eats properly. She always scolds me for worrying but what can I do? She never takes care of herself.”

Indeed, when Mrs. Kang opened Sujin’s fridge, it was empty save a few water bottles and expired milk that Mrs. Kang threw away.

“And look at you! All skin and bones! It is unfashionable to be healthy these days?”

It was a complaint he had heard from his mother as well. But Seojun had to maintain a lean figure for his job, as he was about to explain to Mrs. Kang.

“Ma’am I actually have to diet beca—”

“I won’t hear it! Sit. I will get you something to eat. I’ve brought more than enough.” Mrs. Kang commanded. Seojun could see where Sujin got her tough exterior from.

“I don’t want to be a bother…”

“Nonesense! It’s no bother at all. Especially not for,” she eyed the bouquet Seojun had placed on the counter, “Sujin’s friend.”

Seojun wanted to protest Mrs. Kang’s assumptions but figured that denying it would only reinforce the idea. He would let Sujin clear up the matter.

“Well if you’re going to cook Mrs. Kang, you might as well let me help.” Seojun often cooked with his mother and was used to being in the kitchen so his culinary prowess impressed Mrs. Kang greatly.

“Your mother must be so proud of you.” Seojun grinned at the compliment. He decided that he liked Mrs. Kang.

Likewise, Mrs. Kang decided that she liked Seojun. She put the flowers he had brought in a vase and brought it to the table. As they cooked, she went on and on about Sujin and her many accomplishments. The woman was very proud of her daughter.

Seojun listened diligently as Mrs. Kang explained how much she was worried about Sujin. The non-profit sector didn’t exactly offer a lucrative career. Not as much being a doctor would have.

“I remember how much she had wanted to be a doctor as a child. Omma, I want to heal everyone, she would tell me. But when her father started pushing her and pushing her… suddenly it was all about ranking number 1, not helping people and her heart just wasn’t in it anymore.” Mrs. Kang lamented. She gave Seojun a considering look. “Has she told you… about her father?”

About the divorce? “Yes. I know.”

Mrs. Kang looked at him tenderly, “You must really be close to my daughter then. She’s a very private girl.”

Seojun didn’t understand why the woman as acting like it was some secret. Everyone knew about Mr. and Mrs. Kang’s separation.

The woman stared into the distance. “If I look back, I can only blame myself. I should have stopped it the first day her father started hitting her. But I was blind. I believed that it would all stop if she got good grades and got into a good university. My husband was always a tough man, but had never been like that to me, you see. I didn’t realize what he was doing to Sujin till it was too late.”

Seojun froze. He felt he had been told something he wasn’t supposed to know.

“And then, she started taking her anger out on other people… it might have been late, but I finally put my foot down. I’m glad my girl is in a better place now.”

Mrs. Kang looked down in remorse. Seojun found it hard to keep looking at her. He suddenly recalled what Sujin had said in Jukyung’s video.

I was foolish. I let my personal problems cloud my judgement and I took my frustration and anger out on Lim Jukyung. 

Ah, crap. Seojun thought.

“My daughter is a sensitive girl, despite how strong she appears. I just want to know that she is with people who will care for her, and not hurt her.” Mrs. Kang looked at Seojun meaningfully. He swallowed.

“She is Mrs. Kang. You don’t have to worry.”

The woman pressed his hands gratefully. “You must have heard… about what Sujin was involved in recently.”

Seojun was sure he was going to die today. His heart felt like guilt had wrapped its sharp claws around it and was squeezing tightly.

“Ah. Yes.”

“Don’t believe any of it! My Sujinnie isn’t that kind of girl”

“Ah. Yes.”

“She did go a little astray in school, but what kid doesn’t go through a phase like that? Show me a teenager who has never made a mistake!”

“You’re absolutely right ma’am.” Was all Seojun could say.

“If only I could get my hands on that Han Seojun.” Seojun felt his heart stop. It was then that he realized that he never really introduced himself to Mrs. Kang. “How dare that no good idol take advantage of my daughter? Ah-nee, what kind of a person stays over a girl’s place like that? And doesn’t even help when she gets into trouble because of him?”

Seojun could see his funeral now, his mother crying for him as his friends lined up to regret their loss.

Guys… take care. Please check on my mother for me.

The door chimed as Sujin entered. She stopped in her tracks when she noticed Han Seojun and her mother sitting at a table full of food, waiting for her.

“Ah, Omma why have you come all this way again? Do you really like tiring yourself out so much?” Sujin scolded as she hurriedly put on her indoor slippers.

“Is that any way to greet your mother?” Mrs. Kang scolded back.

Sujin was undeterred. “You know I can always come and visit you and Auntie. Why do you have to come here? And look at all this food! How is this okay for one person? It always goes bad and then I have to throw it out.”

“It goes bad because you don’t eat enough, bad girl! You see what I have to deal with?” Mrs. Kang turned to Seojun who had gone white.

“Ya Han Seojun, what are you doing here?” Sujin asked him.

There was a second of silence where no one spoke. A pin drop could be heard.

“Han Seojun?” Mrs. Kang looked at Seojun. On stage, with makeup on, Seojun looked different. Here, in person, it was difficult to recognize him. But now that his name had been spoken, Mrs. Kang could see the young man whose face had been plastered all over the articles concerning Sujin.

“You… you’re the Han Seojun from the scandal?”

Sujin quickly caught on. “Seojun. Run.”

And then all hell exploded, or rather, one Mrs. Kang. Sujin jumped in her mother’s path as the woman got up with a slipper in her hand. Han Seojun lept off his chair and bowed furiously.

“I am so sorry Mrs. Kang. I am so sorry for all the trouble caused!”

Sujin desperately tried to block her mother’s blows but Mrs. Kang was a formidable woman. She smacked Han Seojun with her slipper.

“Do. You. Have. Any idea. What. Problems. You. Caused!” She punctuated each word with a smack. Seojun, for his part, did not run but rather took it like a man. He was just glad she was beating him with a slipper and not a heel.

“Run! Why aren’t you running?” Sujin asked him as she tried to grab her mother’s wrists.

“Are you protecting him? After everything that happened?”

“I’m really sorry Mrs. Kang.” Seojun said.

“Sorry? What good will an apology do? Will an apology undo the pain you’ve caused?” Her words sounded eerily familiar.

“Ah Omma, stop hitting him! He didn’t do anything. It was my fault. It was all my idea.”

Mrs. Kang stopped. “What?”

And thus, it became Kang Sujin’s turn to be given the mom-smack down.

“Ah Omma WAEEEE??”

“It was your idea to bring him home?!”

“Omma you’ve already beaten me about that!”

“I haven’t beaten you enough.”

“Mrs. Kang please! We were both drunk. Sujin had no choice but to—”

“What?” Mrs. Kang went ballistic.

Sujin glared at Seojun, “Han Seojun do you actually want us both to die?”

“YOU WERE DRUNK?!”

“Omma it wasn’t like that!”

“Mrs. Kang it really wasn’t.” Seojun chimed in.

“If it wasn’t then why is he bringing you flowers? Why is he showing up at your place?”

Sujin looked at the tulips and roses on her table. White tulips, a flower of regret. And yellow roses, flowers of friendship. Sujin knew exactly what they meant. She wondered if Han Seojun knew too or if he just got really lucky with his choices.

It was a while before Mrs. Kang calmed down. Seojun felt thoroughly sore. Both he and Sujin sat on the floor with guilty expressions on their faces, looking like school children being punished.

“Get out. I don’t want to see the likes of your around my daughter ever again.”

“Omma.”

Seojun bowed his head to the ground. “I am really sorry Mrs. Kang. I’m really sorry for all of the trouble that I’ve caused. I assure you I will never let anything like that happen again.”

Mrs. Kang crossed her arms and looked away.

“Omma. Neither of us had any idea that something like this would happen. Its not Seojun’s fault. And besides, he got into trouble too.” Sujin nudged him with her elbow.

“Yes, ma’am. I was almost kicked out of my company.” Which wasn’t exactly true but Seojun didn’t mind fibbing a little.

“You should have been!” Mrs. Kang fumed but then softened when she saw Seojun’s best puppy dog face. Han Seojun was always good with ladies, especially ones that were mad at him.

He inched closer to Mrs. Kang. “Mrs. Kang. I’m really regretful about what Sujin faced.” He took her hands in his. Sujin watched in astonishment as Han Seojun turned her mother’s boiling anger to a low simmer. “But I promise you, I will do everything in my power to make sure that this never happens again.”

Mrs. Kang cleared her throat.

“And look, the food we both prepared has gotten all cold. Wouldn’t it be better if we all eat and talk calmly?”

Sujin scoffed, not only at the blatant pandering but at the fact that it was working. Mrs. Kang’s anger all but disappeared. It came to a point that as they all ate, she began taking his side.

“How could you risk an idol’s reputation like that?” She asked Sujin who could only roll her eyes.

“Omma, how can you say that?”

“I mean, now that I think about it, it isn’t Seojun’s fault that his fans came after you.”

“Ugh, I can’t believe this.” Sujin scowled.

As dumb as Han Seojun had appeared, Sujin had to admit this was pretty shrewd. It made her wonder what else she had misjudged him on. He even got himself invited by Mrs. Kang to come by again for dinner.

“Your mom is incredible.” Seojun told Sujin as they walked to the convenience store. Mrs. Hand had sent them out for some ice-cream since she had brought nothing for dessert.

“She’s changed a lot after the divorce. She’s more herself now.”

They walked slowly, enjoying the night air and the silence. Oddly enough the quiet didn’t feel awkward or strange. Neither of them felt any pressure to speak. They got papico, the ice-cream that came in squishy bottles, and sat by on the benches outside.

“Kang Sujin,” Seojun began, “about what happened… are you… You know when I, um… I guess what I’m trying to say is…”

Sujin laughed, a clear gurgle of joy that made Seojun feel strange in his stomach. “Mwo-ya? Has the great Han Seojun been rendered speechless?” She laughed some more and Seojun didn’t stop her. “Relax Han Seojun. I’m fine.”

Seojun looked at his feet. “I… wasn’t happy with what happened to do… with the articles and how everybody was talking about you.”

“Gwenchana. It’s over now. I mean I had to make another Instagram account but all in all, its not as bad now. Besides,” she tilted her chin, “do you think a bunch of cowards who hide behind usernames are enough to take me down? I’m Kang Sujin, remember? Badass of Saebom High.”

“I thought I was the badass of Saebom high.” Seojun raised a brow.

“You were the gangster.” Sujin grinned, eating her ice-cream.

“I’m glad you’re tough. You don’t let these things bother you.”

“I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me. People telling me that I’m the worst and I should die wasn’t exactly easy.” She said grimly. “But you know what upset me the most?”

“What?”

“That I couldn’t beat those cowards up for saying what they did.” Sujin got up and punched the air. “If I could just get my hands on those twerps then I would teach them a lesson or two.” She punched the air.

The fire in Sujin’s eyes was so comical that Seojun burst out laughing.

“Don’t laugh! Hajima! I’m not joking.”

“Kang Sujin, were you always such a fighter?”

“Yup!” Sujin stated simply. She sat back besides Seojun, closer this time. And he noticed. “What about you?” She asked. “How are you doing?”

Seojun leaned back leisurely, “Eh, I’m fine. I don’t worry about public perception anyway. The people who matter will know me. Everyone else is just noise.”

“I bet your fans would leave you in a second.” Sujin teased.

“Don’t diss my fans. They’re all cool and awesome.”

“What, all two of them? Do they also happen to be named Jukyung and Suho?”

“You’re forgetting Chorong.”

The two giggled.

“Did your co-workers ask for more autographs?”

“Nope. Got fired before they could.”

“What?” Seojun stood up. Sujin relayed how her company had let her go after details about her past misconduct were released online.

“How could they just fire you? Isn’t that illegal?”

“Calm down. It’s normal for that to happen.”

“How can you be so calm?”

“Would you rather I get angry? There’s no point in doing that. I won’t get that job back.”

Seojun pressed his lips together in a tight line and sat back down.

“I’m surprised that you’re actually defending me.” Sujin sounded impressed.

“I mean… its wrong. Even if you and I don’t get along, what’s wrong is wrong.”

Sujin chuckled. She looked at the time on her phone. “I should get back. How are you getting home?”

“I brought my bike.”

“Your company lets you ride motorbikes?”

“Nope.” Seojun grinned.

“A’ight. Good night, Han Seojun. Stay safe.” Sujin walked back in the direction of the apartment. Feeling light and happy. While her online image hadn’t completely recovered, her relationship with Han Seojun had. She might not have to simply tolerate his presence now. They might genuinely get along.

“Kang Sujin!” Han Seojun called out to her, the woman who he thought was vile and destructive. The person that turned wasn’t that woman. It was the little girl who had looked to her father with love but only got his abuse in return.

“I’m sorry I misjudged you.” Seojun told the little girl.

The girl smiled. “I’m sorry I misjudged you too.”

x.

It was unfamiliar territory, getting along with Kang Sujin. More for the group than Han Seojun and Kang Sujin. They all looked at the pair in wonder and shock when Sujin asked Seojun to pass the soy sauce and he obliged. It shocked them further when Sujin laughed when Seojun bragged about being recognized at a department store and being asked for pictures.

“Hey, you feeling okay?” Jukyung asked Sujin quietly.

“Yeah, why?” Sujin replied.

“Nothing. Just asking.”

“Hey, what’s up with you?” Suho asked Seojun privately.

“What?”

“You’re acting all weird around Kang Sujin.”

“Weird how?”

“You’re being nice.”

“Am I not supposed to be?”

“Okay! Who’s going to go first?” Taehoon asked the room, interrupting Suho and Seojun’s conversation. 

They were at Suho’s apartment where he had a karaoke machine set up. Seojun had finally relented to visiting their place and it was just as painful as he had thought it would be. It was a mishmash to Jukyung’s bright and lively style with Suho’s dark and moody one.

The posters of rock bands and Junji Itou’s mangas were something both of them shared. It was fascinating how the two of the most caring people in Seojun’s life were into such dark things. Seojun saw Sujin eye one of the horror comic book posters suspiciously, as if the monster drawn in them could come out any second.

Chorong sang first, sharing a duet with his girlfriend. Then Taehoon and Suah went next. Duets seemed to be the theme of the night. Jukyung and Suho went next.

“Alright? Who else?”

Sujin was the only girl left.

“Well I’m not going up there.” She said when everyone looked at her. She eyed the other boys, all of whom were terrified of her. Even they could still hear Kang Sujin saying Ya Han Seojun, are you a gangster?!

“Jukyung-ah. Sing with me.” Sujin grabbed Jukyung’s hand and led her up before she could say anything.

“I’m singing too!” Suah joined.

Seojun went next. His was a solo and he clearly was the best performer. His rich baritone singing in a soft melody made everyone pay attention.

“Isn’t it nice to have an idol as a friend?” Suah asked. “Its like having a private concert.” Jukyung and Sujin nodded in agreement.

Everyone swayed their heads to the beat, except for Kang Sujin who was noticing the lyrics Han Seojun was singing.

I want to give you all of my days

I want to tell you all these feelings of mine

The sleepless blue winds

Brightly light up this night

He was singing about Lim Jukyung. Sujin looked over to her friend, who was looking longingly in Suho’s eyes. The two were entranced with each other, not noticing Han Seojun who stood just a couple of feet away, pouring his heart out.

After all the fun had been wrapped up, Seojun and Sujin had been the only two to stay back. Sujin had helped Jukyung clean up while Suho went to throw out the trash.

As Sujin cleaned the dishes, Seojun sat in the living room, looking at all of the pictures Jukyung and Suho had hung up. He could see how Suho and Jukyung would sit on the very couch he was on and watch TV together or lie around reading books.

He tried to replay those images, with himself there with Jukyung instead of Suho but he couldn’t. He couldn’t lie to himself about who she belonged to.

“You know, Han Seojun, I just realized something.” Sujin called from the kitchen.

“What?”

“You have two hands.”

Seojun looked at her like she had lost her mind. “Wow, Kang Sherlock. Your powers of deduction amaze me.”

“So, since you have those two hands, and you’re a gentleman, why not help me out over here? I assume you would feel bad that I’m the only one doing any actual cleaning.”

“You assume incorrectly. I have no issues with you doing all the cleaning.” Seojun turned back to the TV and was promptly hit in the head with a dish rag.

“Oops.” Sujin said flatly.

Seojun got up, dish rag in hand. Wordlessly, he took out the dishes from the washer and lined them up in the cabinets.

“Aren’t you ever afraid that Jukyung will be uncomfortable about you singing love songs to her?” Sujin asked in a low voice.

“What do you mean?”

“That song you sang. My heart is full of you, I’m starting to take after you?”

Seojun eyed her. “She won’t know.”

“I did.”

“Yeah but, you’re you and Jukyung’s Jukyung.”

“So?”

“So…” Seojun leaned closer, “you ranked number two in class for a reason.”

“Sujin-ah! I told you I would take care of everything.” Jukyung appeared from her bedroom.

“Don’t worry about it. Han Seojun helped.” Sujin assured.

The pair said their goodbyes to the couple and exited together. Han Seojun said nothing when he started walking his own way, while Kang Sujin turned to wave at him but was unseen. He was too lost in his own broken heart to notice anyone or anything.

She simply sighed, took it as just a Han Seojun thing and started walking in the other direction.

xi.

“I still can’t get used to this.” Suah said, waving a spoon between Han Seojun and Kang Sujin. The two sat opposite each other and were eating their food peacefully.

It was this peace that bothered Suah.

“I mean, how can you two just get along?”

“We’re adults Choi Su. We can learn how to get along.” Sujin stated.

Suho spluttered in laughter. “I thought you said that Seojun was a giant baby with no manners?”

Seojun gave Sujin a scathing look. Sujin went pink, “I never said that! You take that back!”

“It’s still strange.” Suah leaned closer. “What happened? Have you guys settled your differences?”

“Han Seojun got Sujin flowers.” Suho said cheekily.

“Yah!” Seojun protested. But it was in vain, the deed was done, and everyone oohed and aahed at this news.

“Did you really get her flowers?”

“Wait, when did this happen?”

“Does that mean that Seojun apologized first?”

“What kind of flowers?”

Seojun looked at Suho with the rage of a thousand suns. Suho just grinned back.

“Aren’t flowers romantic?”

“Ya! There was nothing romantic about it. All I got her were yellow roses and white tulips.” Seojun defended.

“OoooOoooh. Roooses. Roses are totally romantic.” Taehoon teased.

“They were yellow. Yellow roses are for friendship!”

“So, are you two friends?” Jukyung asked and everyone looked at Seojun and Sujin.

“Meh.” They both shrugged at the same time.

“Omo! Look at how in sync they are!”

“We are not.” They both said in sync.

Seojun had to admit, their group gatherings were much more comfortable now that he and Sujin had cleared the air between them. He enjoyed discovering how Sujin was less the ice princess he had thought her to be and more a regular girl. She also turned out to be much cooler than he had expected.

She had been the only one to see his discomfort when Jukyung and Suho suggested they all go on an overnight trip with them. Going to see their apartment; the very proof that Lim Jukyung and Lee Suho ate and slept—Oh God, don’t think about them sleeping—together was painful enough. Seojun didn’t need to see them canoodling for an entire weekend.

“What about it guys? Shall we go?” Jukyung looked around as everyone nodded excitedly, including Sujin.

But then her eye’s met Seojun’s. He said nothing but he didn’t need to.

“Lim Ju, it’ll be difficult for me to join. I just lost my job, remember? An overnight trip is...” Seojun knew Sujin was just making up an excuse.

“Oh, oh right. Sorry Kang Su-ya. I totally forgot. Something else then!”

The group moved on to discussing other options. Seojun sent Sujin a grateful look. She acted nonchalant, as if she had not just overturned everyone’s plans for him.

“Thanks. For what you did back in there.” He told her as they were all leaving.

“Forget about it.” She waved a hand in dismissal.

The next time the group gathered at a fancier restaurant than usual. A suggestion by Suho who had offered to pay for the food tonight.

“This place is so beautiful.” Suah commented looking around the interior.

“Are we celebrating something?” Sujin asked. “This doesn’t seem like a regular get-together.”

Sujin had only asked for the sake of asking. But something about the way Suho looked at her told Seojun that she was on to something.

“Well,” Jukyung held up her hand, “we do have something to announce.”

And announce she did. The big fat diamond resting on her ring finger had a lot to say. And suddenly everyone erupted with joy. The girls took Jukyung in their arms, squealing and crying with joy. The boys surrounded Suho, patting him on the back, congratulating him.

All except Seojun, who just sat there in a daze. Sujin happened to look over and see him, frozen in his seat. Sujin wasn’t alone in her observation. Taehoon also noticed but missed the implication.

“Look! Han Seojun is actually so shocked he—"

Sujin made it look like an accident, her bumping into the table and sending a glass down on the floor, shattering into a million pieces. The sound shook Seojun out of his daze and also distracted everyone from realizing Seojun’s inner turmoil.

“Oh shit.” Sujin said looking down.

“Hey, be careful.” Jukyung said.

“You okay?” Suho asked Jukyung, taking her arm.

“Excuse me, can we get someone to clean this up?” Taehoon asked the waiter.

The fuss over the broken glass gave Seojun enough time to recover. He then congratulated Suho with a massive hug.

“You both deserve each other. I mean it.” He told Suho and he meant it.

Maintaining a fake smile over dinner was easy. Everyone else was so chatty that Seojun’s and Sujin’s relative silence went unnoticed. Suah pestered Jukyung for details: “How did it happen?”, “When?”, “Why didn’t you call me immediately?”. Taehoon made jokes about marriage being the end of romance to which Suah started an argument with him and then it became about settling matters between the two.

Sujin didn’t remember much of what happened after that, the rest of the night was a blur. She just hoped that she had maintained enough dignity to not appear as bitter as she actually felt.

Even though they all parted very late in the night, Sujin couldn’t go directly home. She needed something to ease the pain. So naturally, she went to the nearest tent bar she could find. The place seemed to be overcrowded, with people waiting outside for others to leave. Sujin managed to sneak in and grab a table.

She downed half of a soju bottle in one go but then couldn’t muster the energy to drink further. Her side dishes went untouched. All Sujin could do was stare and wonder if there was any way to just take her heart out of her chest and throw it away. Because there seemed to be no relief from this pain she was feeling.

She banged her head on the table. “Ah wae? Why can’t I just move on?” She asked herself in frustration.

“Ugh, why the hell are you here?” That irritated tone and deep voice could only belong to one person. And indeed, when Sujin looked up she saw Han Seojun a few tables over looking at her in disdain.

“Wae? You have a claim on this place?” Sujin raised a critical brow.

“And what if I do?”

“Then give me everything for free. Since we’re friends who get along.”

“No. Friends pay double.”

“How stingy.” Sujin took another shot of soju.

The man running the tent bar came over. “Why don’t you two share a table since you know each other? I have customers waiting to be seated.”

“No way, I’m not sitting with her.” Seojun grumbled.

“Aha! I knew it! Being all nice to me was just an act.”

The owner ignored Sujin, “How can two youngsters be so rude? Get up! I’m moving you over there.”

This was how Han Seojun came to drink with Kang Sujin for the second time. They both looked at each other with scowling faces.

“What happened, Kang Sujin? You were acting all happy for the lucky couple.” Seojun taunted. He seemed a little tipsy but so was Sujin.

“Of course, I’m happy. I’m so, so happy.” She said wistfully.

Seojun scoffed. “Is that why you were whining about not being able to move on? I thought you said you didn’t like Lee Suho anymore.”

Sujin narrowed her eyes. “I don’t. And even if I allegedly did, at least I held it all in. You were clearly about to run away with Jukyung before I saved you.”

“Saved me? Puh-lease.”

“Why? Do you think that glass fell on its own?”

Seojun gave her a sideways look before taking another shot.

“You gonna eat that?” He pointed a chin to her plate.

“Nah, have it.”

They sat in silence for a moment. A comfortable silence where neither felt compelled to say anything.

Sujin shook Seojun when she suddenly smacked her glass down on the table. “I’m over Lee Suho.” She declared. “I’m over Lee Suho… but…”

“Just because you’re over him, doesn’t mean you stopped loving him.” Seojun said what she was thinking.

She looked at him, her pain evident on her face. In that moment, he let himself be vulnerable too.  

“Isn’t it funny? Out of everyone I know, you’re the only one who gets… this.” Sujin said.

Seojun chuckled. “Exactly. Who woulda thought? Kang Sujin and Han Seojun having something in common.”

“You know it’s gonna hurt even worse from now on, right? We’re the closest to those two. That means we’ll be involved in everything.”

Seojun rubbed his faced. “I can’t think about that right now. Or I really will die.”

Sujin understood what he meant. “You know what I want?”

“What?”

“I want Suho to never find out that I still like him.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I can’t help that I feel this way right? You can’t stop yourself from feeling what you feel. But… I wanna keep my dignity. I wanna still be cool and… not be seen as some pathetic loser who’s still after her best friend’s boyfriend.”

Seojun took a shot, nodding.

Sujin leaned forward. “That’s why, I suggest we help each other out.”

Seojun gave her a look. “How so?”

“Well, if we see the other being too transparent, then we stop them, or at least take the attention away so that the other can collect themselves.”

“Like the broken glass today?”

“Like the broken glass today. And if it’s getting too painful, then we can just talk about it.”

Seojun laughed. “Kang Sujin, offering therapy. That’s rich.”

“Not therapy. Friendship. It helps if you talk about stuff like this.” Sujin insisted.

Seojun gave her a considering look. “What’s in it for me? These seem like things you want to do.”

“You’ll be able to attend Jukyung’s wedding without feeling like you’re dying on the inside.”

“There’s no guarantee that will happen.”

“You’re right, there isn’t. But at least that’s what it’ll look like. Think about it Han Seojun. Do you want Jukyung to always see you as the friend who is in love with her? Or do you want her to see you as a cool friend who she can comfortably rely on, without wondering if she’s hurting his feelings.”

Seojun thought about it. It felt like a bad idea. But there was a part of Han Seojun that was tired of his own attachment to Lim Jukyung. If it meant that it would help him move on, then he was willing to try anything

“Alright, Kang Sujin.” He raised his glass. Sujin clinked hers with his. “Let’s try this.”

I am bad at making memes but I do it any way