#you think you are winning points with Phil by being rude to Dan in front of his face?

[storytellerdannie]

Some of you “jokingly” being mean to Dan have taken it past quirky and funny specially if you are doing it to his face. He is not in on the joke you are just being mean and rude. I don’t care if you like Phil more just at least be polite damn.

[bie-lovers]

Rosé

Title: Rosé

Relationship: Dan/Phil

Rating: T

Word count: 1.4k

Summary: Some nights they will pull out a bottle of wine and load up a game on the TV.

a/n: did i write a drunk dnp fic a couple of weeks ago? yes. did i just write another one. yes. does this say something about me? probably. 

so. dan’s bday happened and phil tweeted his fave pictures of dan from his camera roll, including one of a rather obviously tipsy dan and a nice almost empty bottle of rosé in the background. well, clearly this is what happened. hope you enjoy!

Excerpt: “You’re the worst person in the world,” Phil whinges, and Dan hears the unmistakable sound of Phil driving off the race track on the screen. He grins and lightly bites down on Phil’s shoulder. 

“I am,” he says. Phil exits the game and connects the second controller. They sit up and Phil hands it to him but he won’t let go, so Dan looks at him and cocks an eyebrow.

“Do your worst, Howell,” Phil says and turns his attention back on the telly.

“Game on, Lester.”

[Read on AO3] 

“Yes, yes, yes! Oh my God!” Phil’s shriek is high pitched and probably way too loud considering the time. Dan doesn’t really care because he’s ten seconds away from actually losing to Phil, and to be fair, he’s probably screaming even louder.

Phil drives over the finish line then, and Dan briefly considers if they should send an apology gift basket to their neighbours tomorrow, but then Phil’s suddenly lunging at him. He ends up on his back on the sofa with Phil on top of him, knees on either side of Dan’s hips and fingers playing with the zip on his grey hoodie.

“I won!” Phil whoops. Dan rolls his eyes.

“Barely. Also, I’m handicapped, it doesn’t count.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I am. Having half a bottle of rosé in my blood is a handicap in Mario. Read the rules.”

“You know, I do believe drunk driving is illegal,” Phil says and a grin tugs at the corners of his lips as he boops Dan’s nose with his pinky. “And I’m pretty sure the other half of that wine is in my system, mister. So we’re even, and I won. Fair and square, can’t beat the master.” And then Phil leans down and touches his lips to Dan’s, featherlight.

Dan grips Phil’s face as he tries to sit up again.

“No. Stay,” he mumbles against his lips, and he can feel Phil smile and give in, opening his mouth.

He tastes like the rosé they have been drinking; alcohol and a hint of red berries, and Dan wonders absentmindedly if he could get drunk just like this, just on Phil. Phil, who moves from Dan’s mouth to his jaw and then his neck, and Dan concludes with a small whimper that yes, he definitely can.

Phil sighs and slides his hand through Dan’s curls, getting a loose grip and pulling just slightly. His breath is hot and wet and his lips tickle over Dan’s ear as he whispers, “What’s my prize?”

“Prize?” He can’t really focus, not when Phil is this close, this intoxicating.

“I won,” Phil breathes, “Don’t I get a prize for my efforts?” He kisses Dan’s jaw and finally returns home to his lips. If Dan could, he would push pause on the universe so he could live this moment out forever. He wants to stretch it out and slow it down, this inconsequential moment of slow, slightly clumsy touching, drunken flirting, and lazy, sloppy kisses just because they can, because they have each other and they know it.

“What do you want?” he whispers, voice hoarse. He takes Phil’s face in his hands again, looks at him. His hair is a mess, strands sticking up in all directions, and Dan cards a hand through it without really thinking. A red flush is covering his pale skin, his lips are wet and pink. Dan lets his thumb touch gently.

“Hmm.” Phil’s eyes slowly travel down to Dan’s lips, where they stay as he says, “You,” his voice low and deep and setting fire to Dan’s heart. He resists the impulse to say you have me and settles for pulling Phil back down to convey his thoughts through his kisses. They’re too complex for words, anyway.

***

“I want revenge.”

They’re lying on the sofa, and Phil is playing against some people online, back pressed close to Dan’s chest, their legs tangled together like their hearts are.

Phil snorts. “Forget it, Howell. I won.”

Dan lets his hand slide slowly down Phil’s chest, sneaking it up under his shirt.

“Not gonna work,” Phil says. Dan places an open mouthed kiss on his neck and lets his thumb brush over a nipple. He can feel a shiver run through Phil’s body and he can’t help pressing closer as he deliberately plays with the hardening nubs under his fingertips. He’s leaving a trail of wet kisses on Phil’s neck and then he whispers, “All or nothing.”

“You’re the worst person in the world,” Phil whinges, and Dan hears the unmistakable sound of Phil driving off the race track on the screen. He grins and lightly bites down on Phil’s shoulder.

“I am,” he says. Phil exits the game and connects the second controller. They sit up and Phil hands it to him but he won’t let go, so Dan looks at him and cocks an eyebrow.

“Do your worst, Howell,” Phil says and turns his attention back on the telly.

“Game on, Lester.”

***

Phil wins. Again.

“Pretty sure I’ve earned my prize now.”

“Fine, whatever. I give up.” Dan waves his hands around, almost hitting Phil in the face. At some point during the game, they ended up standing right in front of the TV, and Dan blames it on the blurry edges to his vision.

“What, did I hear that correctly? You’re giving up?” Phil’s glee is almost palpable, snuggling around Dan, tugging on him. Dan smiles and thinks that letting Phil win was definitely worth it.

“What do you want, you barbarian?” He asks. And if he’s learned anything from being around Phil for almost ten years it’s that when he cracks out this smirk, Dan is for it.

“I want a dance.”

A laugh sputters out of Dan.

“What?”

Phil’s eyes are shining and slightly red and Dan’s pretty sure his own are, too. He’s standing in front of Dan with a hand reached out towards him, palm open.

“Can I have this dance with you, Mr. Howell?”

Dan could cry. Because this man standing before him is so imperfectly perfect and he’s his and Dan is drunk, they both are, it’s the middle of the night and he’s asking Dan to dance with him to the tune of the Mario Kart title menu still glowing on the TV.

“You’re an idiot,” he says, and he hears the affection he has for Phil nestle in his tone. He grabs Phil’s hand and Phil pulls him close.

It’s bizarre, honestly. They keep falling into bouts of uncontrollable laughter, Phil steps on Dan’s toes and Dan almost knocks them over once. The music is not made for slow dancing, it’s too upbeat and zany, and they’re not made for slow dancing either, they’re too awkward and clumsy, but they make do, because it’s not about how it looks. Dan couldn’t care less of what this would look like to an outsider. He can feel Phil’s hands resting on his hips and Phil’s breath land on his mouth and, sometimes, when they step on each other’s toes, their noses bump together and they laugh again.

Phil’s looking at him like Dan’s the answer to the mystery of the universe, like he holds every secret and Phil’s dying to learn.

He moves his hands up to cup Phil’s face and he bumps their noses together gently.

Phil says, “I love you,” and Dan kisses him.

He can feel Phil’s lips curl into a smirk under his, and he pulls back just far enough to be able to see his face.

“And I won,” Phil whispers, and Dan smacks his shoulder and says, “I hate you.”

Phil just grins and kisses Dan again. “No, you don’t.”

It takes an embarrassing amount of willpower for Dan to pull back so they can breathe.

“I do actually. I want a divorce,” he says.

Phil raises an eyebrow. “We’re not married.”

“Technicalities.” Dan lets his chin rest on Phil’s shoulder and tightens his grip around his waist. The world is asleep around them, the music is still filling the air with the kooky melody, and there’s a pleasant buzz humming under Dan’s skin. “At least pour me another glass of wine.”

“Ask nicely. I did not raise you to be rude,” Phil says, mock offended.

Dan lets go of Phil and gives him a pointed look. “Please, Philip Lester, love of my sad life, will you pour me another glass of this sweet rosé?”

A small smile is playing in the corners of Phil’s mouth, and Dan wants to kiss it, taste it, to see if it’s as sweet as it looks. So he does.

“Actually, on second thought, I think you’ve had enough,” Phil says against Dan’s lips, and Dan pulls back just slightly.

“Don’t you love me?”

“No. Did I say that to you? I’m sorry.”

“Rude. I take back everything.” Dan pokes Phil’s arm. “Pass me the bottle then, old man.”

Phil lifts an eyebrow.

“Ugh. Please.”

[adorkablephil]

Fic: Listen (Chapter 5)

Title: Listen Rating: PG Word Count: 2.5K (this chapter) Summary: Phil is a successful YouTuber, and Dan is a fan desperate for attention. Sounds like 2009, right? Except Phil is Deaf. Tags: AU, Deaf!Phil, Mute!Dan, Both YouTubers, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Conversion Disorder Fic also available on AO3 here

[Masterlist of all “Listen” chapters on Tumblr]

Chapter 5: First

Dan evaporated like mist, as if he’d never existed. One moment, Phil felt a constant frisson of awareness of that delicious warmth along his side, only inches away, and then suddenly … nothing.

Well, not nothing: a couple of very enthusiastic teenage girls, obviously subscribers, mouths moving excitedly, probably not really thinking about the fact that he couldn’t hear a word they were saying, though his lip reading had improved a lot since he'd first left the Deaf school. But then the girls were miming requests to take selfies with him, and Phil happily obliged, as always. But his mind was elsewhere. Where had Dan gone? Phil hugged the girls goodbye, trying to smile warmly as he waved at them, attempting to shoo them off without being rude. They clutched their phones, giggling, as he turned away to look frantically up and down the street.

His phone vibrated in his pocket.

Dan: i’m in the apple store. come get me when theyre gone

The girls were still watching him with obvious fascination, so Phil strolled away from them and ducked into a nearby bookstore.

Phil: I’m in the WHSmith. I’ll wait until I’m sure they’re gone. Don’t you ever get fans stopping you in the street?

Dan: no

Phil: How is that possible? You have more subscribers than I do!

Dan: i don’t go out much & i keep my head down. maybe i dont have many subscribers in wokingham

Phil: I know you don’t go to the conventions, but surely you’ve met some of your fans sometime?

Dan: no

Dan: i mean then theyd know i can’t talk

Phil stood staring at his phone, not knowing what to say in response to that. He went to the front of the store and cautiously peered out. No sign of the excited girls. The Apple Store was about a block away, so he started walking in that direction.

Dan had never met a subscriber? At least all Phil’s viewers knew he was Deaf, and so he could be himself if he met them on the street and they wouldn’t be surprised. He had nothing to hide. But Dan let everyone believe that the “silent movie” theme was just his signature video style. He interacted with his audience enthusiastically on social media, but … he never interacted with anyone in person. He’d never even done any collabs with other YouTubers, as far as Phil knew.

Phil suddenly wondered if he was the only one Dan had told. He’d never thought about it, but now that he did, it seemed obvious.

He’d seen Dan interact frequently not only with fans but also with various other YouTubers on social media over the past couple years, and he seemed very friendly with many of them, especially the ones he knew Phil was personal friends with. Dan was always joking and supportive and self-deprecatingly funny with them all. But … Phil was probably the only one he’d trusted with the truth.

In the crowded Apple Store, Phil spotted Dan huddled in a corner with his hoodie pulled up to cover his hair and much of his face. He was staring down at his phone, his shoulders hunched as if braced for a blow. Phil stopped a couple feet away, not wanting to startle him.

Phil: I’m right behind you.

Dan turned immediately, and the pinched look on his face hurt Phil’s heart. His brown eyes were wide and frightened, his mouth tight and drawn. He looked back down at his phone, typing.

Dan: they didn’t see me did they?

Phil shook his head, smiling sadly, and then couldn’t help but take Dan in his arms for the first time. He was so much larger than the girls Phil had hugged only moments ago, but so much dearer and more precious, because this was Dan. His Dan. And he was hiding in an Apple Store because he was afraid.

Dan’s body went completely rigid for a moment, but then he suddenly relaxed into Phil’s hold as if deflating. His head sank down so that his forehead rested on Phil’s shoulder and he wrapped his long arms around Phil’s waist, squeezing as if clinging to a life raft in stormy seas. Phil raised a hand to brush aside the hoodie so he could stroke Dan’s hair slowly, over and over again. And maybe they were making a bit of a spectacle of themselves in the corner of the Apple Store, but Phil didn’t care.

But Dan might.

So Phil pulled away gently and waited for Dan’s head to come up. Phil gestured questioningly toward the door, and Dan nodded. Phil mimed putting his hood up, and Dan did, glancing around nervously. They left the store and walked to the bus stop more quickly than they’d been walking when they first left the Starbucks.

They didn’t talk at the stop, or even on the bus. They just stared at their individual phones, not even texting each other. Dan just followed Phil like a shadow.

When they arrived at the flat, Dan hovered near the front door, clearly nervous, as Phil removed his coat and hung it on the peg in the entryway. Dan’s eyes flitted here and there, trying to take in the whole room at once. He’d seemed skittish ever since the fans in the high street.

“Want a tour?” Phil signed, using his facial expression and inviting gesture to make his meaning clear. Dan nodded, pulling his hoodie sleeves down to mostly cover his hands in a move Phil had seen on Skype a hundred times, but which he found utterly adorable nonetheless.

Phil led him to the lounge and signed, “The lounge,” before identifying the signs for “table,” “sofa,” and “Playstation.” Well, okay, he fingerspelled “Playstation,” mostly just to see Dan smile. Phil pulled out his phone again.

Phil: How did you learn fingerspelling?

Dan pressed his palms together and then pulled them apart as if opening a book, which seemed clear enough. Phil nodded in understanding: Dan had actually gone looking for a book to learn the BSL alphabet. Phil’s heart swelled.

Dan held up a hand, and Phil stopped, watching him. Then Dan repeated the signs for “lounge,” “table,” and “sofa,” before laboriously fingerspelling “Playstation.”

“That’s great!” Phil signed with a broad smile. “Good memory!” He knew Dan would be able to figure out some of the signs just from context and from what they looked like, since BSL was fairly visually intuitive. So he led him through the flat, pointing things out and slowly signing their names, watching fondly when Dan copied him.

When he’d finished the tour, they wound up standing in the kitchen, just glancing around, avoiding each other’s eyes, not sure what to do next.

In the back of his mind, he kept remembering Dan’s intent eyes back at the Starbucks, Dan signing, “I want to kiss you.” Dan signing, “I love you.” But the Dan here with him in his flat in the present moment seemed comparatively distant and uncomfortable, shoulders hunched as tight as they’d been in the Apple Store, hands shoved nervously in his jeans pockets. He looked young and uncertain and self-conscious.

Resorting to the manners his mum had taught him, Phil picked up the kettle and signed, “Tea?” Then he held up the can of instant coffee and signed, “Or coffee?”

Dan’s shoulders lowered an inch or so and he nodded, clearly relieved. “Coffee,” he signed. Phil wondered if the caffeine might just make them both more jittery and nervous, but at least it would give them something to do. And the only other thing he could think about doing was basically leaping on Dan and claiming some of those promised kisses … and Dan didn’t look remotely ready for that right now.

They ended up playing several games of Mario Kart and Crash Bandicoot, letting their coffees go cold on the side table as they sat side-by-side on Phil’s sofa. Dan was a Mario Kart master, utterly destroying Phil every race and pretending no false modesty as he performed a shameless victory dance after every win. Phil pretended to pout about it, but really he was just happy to see Dan laughing and bouncing up and down. He was also pleased that Dan seemed to finally be making himself at home, running through the game menus himself instead of deferring to Phil like some kind of polite guest.

They slouched down on the sofa when they’d decided they’d had enough gaming, both relaxed and smiling. Neither of them said anything for a long moment, and Phil just savored the presence of Dan in his flat. Finally. After all this time! Dan was actually here!

He turned his head to look at this boy, this young man he’d been longing for, dreaming of, for so long. Years of long-distance courting through DMs and texts and Skype calls. And somehow, for some reason, Dan had finally decided to fully trust him, had bought a ticket and gotten on a train and ridden for hours, had braved the wild subscribers of Manchester’s high street … all for Phil. He could feel his heart beating, feel his own pulse in his fingertips and in his throat and on his tongue and … Dan turned to meet his gaze. Phil held his breath. Then Dan’s eyes dropped to Phil’s lips, then back up to meet Phil’s eyes. Phil licked his lips, not trying to be seductive but just not wanting to have dry lips for their first kiss … because that’s what was about to happen, right? He could see the reciprocated longing on Dan’s face, the slight parting of his lips, the intensity in his gaze.

And then Dan looked away, running a hand through his fringe, trying to straighten it, then fluff it, all movements Phil had seen him make on Skype, but in this case Dan had no image of himself to look at, so it was obviously just nervous habit.

Phil wondered if Dan wanted him to take the lead. Maybe Dan was too nervous to initiate a kiss? But that didn’t feel right. It felt like if this was going to happen—and Phil was pretty darn certain it would happen eventually, even if it wasn’t today, even if it wasn’t this weekend at all—it needed to happen on Dan’s schedule. When Dan was ready.

When their lips first met, Dan would be the one to close that last tiny distance between them.

Dan stood up and prowled restlessly around the lounge, inspecting the movies, games, books, and knick-knacks on the various shelves, occasionally casting a nervous glance at Phil on the sofa. Eventually, he held up a DVD case for the horror film Cube and raised an eyebrow, eyes darting toward the tv then back at Phil. Phil shrugged and nodded, gesturing toward the DVD player in invitation. Dan put the disc in and hovered in front of the tv, using the remote to start the film. The subtitles started automatically with Phil’s default settings. Dan went to turn off the overhead lamp, which surprised Phil, since they’d talked about Dan’s fear of the dark. They’d also talked about his ironic preference for full immersion when he watched horror films, though, so maybe it shouldn’t have been surprising.

It definitely made the room feel more intimate, though.

And when Dan returned to the sofa, he sat a little closer to Phil this time.

In fact, their arms were touching slightly. Phil found himself painfully aware of the gooseflesh rising everywhere Dan’s skin innocently brushed his. He stared fixedly at the television screen, though he paid no attention to what he was actually watching. He’d seen the film before, of course, but right now his brain was a blank, all his senses attuned to the warm body so close beside him, so near after they’d been so far apart for so long. His hands begged to reach for Dan, but Phil twined his fingers together in his lap to control himself.

When he felt Dan’s eyes on him again, he turned his head. The flickering light from the telly made it difficult to read Dan’s expression, but the body language couldn’t have been clearer as Dan leaned slightly closer, then hesitated again. Wanting to help alleviate some of the built-up tension and awkwardness, Phil smiled softly and signed again, for the first time since the Starbucks, “I love you, Dan.” He wasn’t sure how well Dan would be able to see his hands in the dim lighting, but the change in Dan’s facial expression said it had been enough.

A moment later, Phil’s eyes closed as a soft mouth touched his, the barest brush at first, just a hint of contact, uncertain, questioning. Phil kept his lips pliant, parting them very slightly beneath Dan’s to show his interest without pressing for anything more. A warm hand reached up to cradle the side of his face, and Phil could feel a slight tremble in Dan’s fingers as he scooted closer to Phil on the sofa and leaned more fully into the kiss. Phil tilted his head slightly to improve the angle, and this aligned their mouths perfectly, Dan’s hand sliding up into Phil’s hair and a timid tongue darting quickly across the sensitive skin of his bottom lip.

Then Dan slid away again, and the brief kiss was over. Dan’s eyes watched him nervously from the distance he’d put between them until he eventually signed anxiously, “Was that okay?”

Phil closed his eyes again for a moment, just savoring the memory of that gentle intimacy, and then opened his eyes to gaze fondly at Dan as he signed, “The best.” In case Dan didn’t understand the sign, Phil raised a hand to press two fingers softly to his own lips and smiled, letting his eyes close again.

When he opened them, Dan was smiling too, glancing down shyly and then back up at Phil through his lashes. He licked his lips, probably unconsciously, and copied Phil’s sign. “The best,” Dan signed, and Phil knew a bewitching blush probably suffused that beautiful face undetected in the darkened lounge.

The film continued to play, ignored, a few feet away, but Phil just admired how its light emphasized the shadow of dimple in Dan’s cheek as they gazed at each other with a sort of blissful, tender joy he’d never experienced before in his entire life.

“I love you,” Dan signed quickly, and then he scooted close to cuddle against Phil’s side, nestling his head onto Phil’s shoulder so that his hair tickled Phil’s cheek, and they pretended to turn their attention back to watching the film, actually just breathing together and feeling closer than any two people had ever been.

Author’s Note: Feed your local fanfic author! Likes, comments, reblogs, reblogs with lovely tags ... go ahead, make my day!

[Continue to Chapter 6]

[cafephan]

dan vs phil - dumb ways to die: a summary

i squealed when i saw they did this game like it was my life at one point "DanandPhilGames beans" // "i thought you were going to say dummies" // "i wouldn't be mean to them!" // "DUMBARSES" "you're our tiny beans that need to be protected" phil your biffle is trying to impress you with a full-out performance here just humour him pls dan gives up just as phil looks at him wow savage "that song has been stuck in my head for like a billion years" relatable as ever howell "we've never done it" who needs context "it's quick and impossible to bant over" i'm sure you'll give it a good go anyway "this should be a trainwreck from start to finish" this is their new branding, it fits well don't you think "i didn't know it was dangerous to put a fork in the toaster, like, i didn't know, so my mum just walked in on me going 'i'm just going to get my toast out' she was like what are you doing" see this is why i use a knife to get my toast out of the toaster i shouldn't be allowed near appliances should i "who's your daddy is an educational game" // "it is!" listen lads we all know you ain't talking about the game you played a while back we all know your interpretation "we've got to protect these beans from death" everyone reading every hunger games/apocalyptic au ever "that's getting worse every time" dan cuts phil off how rude before the action starts i want to give honourable mention to phil's fashion sense that high neck shirt is doing a lot for him and a black shirt at that is just helping everything no wonder dan is going out of his way not to look anyway on with the non-bants "who's going to go first?" // "you." // "me? but then you can learn the secrets" // "i know" why is this entire exchange literally the most domestic thing i've ever seen they're gross dan makes eye contact with the camera whilst doing that ever so suggestive hand movement like stop looking at me i don't want to be exposed to that dan just scissored phil on camera can you believe 2017 phan "i swear you're psychic" // "yep" *raises eyebrows* someone make phil singing alien into an audio post please and thank you i want it as my alarm tone "have we cracked this ipad?" // "what the-" *both dramatic gasp* // *we've cracked our ipad..." apple are 110% gonna send them a new one by next week i guarantee "that's my ipad... did you just say our ipad?" // "i said this ipad" // *that weird voice he does sometimes* "that is my personal ipad" // "you definitely dropped it" // "probably" it was definitely phil aka mister biter of controllers and spiller of ribena onto other controllers also dan going out of his way to say they have separate possessions like... you'd give the clothes off of your back if phil ran out of toilet paper don't make out you don't share legit everything "just don't touch my body." *dan looks momentarily gloomy* "you can talk but i don't want you to wobble it" phil lester, ever the professional king of words king of adjectives wobble in an attempt to make his dejection funny dan starts to sing which just amplifies it "fed the snek" two games in and dan is already subtly accusing him of cheating the amount of times phil's let you win on this channel,,, shut up man okay phil is atrocious though "okay i'm focusing. no banting." dan sarcastically claps phil's failure honestly same like pal you were awful i love you but you sucked at least on that round "best of three!" phil begs as dan takes the ipad without acknowledging what he said "let's see what happens with dan" me in every fic ever "okay this could be the shortest dan vs phil video ever" "yours are so much easier than mine!" they really aren't philly bobs... they really aren't "straight into the ambulance, check out that accuracy" *licks his lips* okay who's keeping the list of dans kinks because we've found another one "i'm a fast tapper" "get off the wiener!" again who needs context "shaking his private parts around" the stitchy stitch song is strangely catchy "like... you've already won" // "i'm a surgeon... i'm just amazing" someone try and find a dan vs phil video on this channel where dan doesn't call himself amazing does one even exist "we'll discuss this after, see how incredible i am" i think we got an insight into 2**9 just now i'm not sorry i thought he said mexican instead of hexagon i must have his tweet on the brain "frick you, you mother fricker" "connect the fucking wires you dildo" he just went from family friendly to full on dan in the space of ten seconds such a wholesome influence in so many people's lives phil looks silently pissed *phil puts his hand in front of dan's eyes* "nope. screw you." // *phil giggles and does it again* "i didn't touch you!" "you're getting extra practice from watching me do this, i think i'm setting the highest score of all time right now" phil's face lit up when dan failed the man has no shame and i love it "that looked painful..." // "right in the nads" "fuck that train one" honestly i bet he would of given the chance "right, i'm just going to say..." *dan sighs and says his score in what i can only presume is a breathy post-org*sm voice jumpcut what was phil just going to say though #letphilspeak2k17 "so i have an idea, phil. and it's not just letting you have another go, because you had your go" // "i had my go" he still looks pissed // "we're gonna do all or nothing" // "I DIDN'T SUGGEST IT, DAN SUGGESTED IT" *dan looks over fondly* // "we're going to take it in turns every level" // "sudden death?" // "and the first person to die once, never mind the three strikes, loses." shiiiit guys it's all going down here on a thursday evening are you holding on to the edge of your seat "and no holding the ipad. i'm going first." phil just lets dan have his way all the time doesn't he what a prince "what do you mean no holding the ipad?" phil honey it's self explanatory // "as in you have to give it to the other person when the level's over" dan looks off camera and tries not to laugh but fails "are you scared??" bring the fighting talk philly bring it the preparation editing and bird sounds just makes me focus on dan's crusty ass lips like for the love of all that's holy you can get a chopstick for like under a pound "this is a very edutational game" // "edutational?" PHIL THE SAVAGE RETURNS YES WELCOME BACK MY LOVE dan carries on what he's saying without bringing attention to phil's drag "hold up the ipad though, i need to be able to get it. that's a thing." "i don't know what the story of the moose and the man was there..." phil why do you suck so much at this game i had faith in you dan the ever subtle gloater "oh my contact lens has fallen out i got so excited" dans hysterical laugh returns yes my other love as deafening as you are it's a treat for the ears "let me see!" protective bf mode activated "hold your top eyelid and look down... i think it's just come down... yes it's peeling off and it's like going backwards into your brain" okay i take back what i said before, THIS is the most domestic thing i've ever seen "you need to go to the bathroom and you need to take it off right now" protective bf dan gets stricter *phil leaves the room, thank you for that beautiful leg shot* dan's little rant about contact lenses we get it you like phil's glasses so do we but he never listens to us please convince him to wear them more "imagine waking up and not being able to see until you put glasses on... i can't relate to that, my able-sighted privilege... it's checked, and because i don't have to worry about my contact lenses drifting backwards into my brain, um, i feel quite lucky." what the fuck just happened "build a bean... aw it kind of looks like me already! that's fun! i mean, i'm kind of orange, let's go there... i'm really tall, that's a skinny one... what hair do we have?? ah we don't have any coins... i mean i have eyebrows so i don't know about you... the smile, there we go... some sick shades, i mean that's not me is it... what is the skull there?? oooh, ah that's how he dies. well there we go, that is the- the dan bean." i feel like we just went on a journey there, that was more intimate than when they created dil and customised tweety "hi. i had to take out my contact lenses, something went horrifically wrong..." HELLO GLASSES PHIL MY LONG TIME LOVE also watch dans gaze as he watches phil sit down i am convinced love is real and it resides in that flat "what just happened?" // "basically my contact lens turned itself inside out within my eye. i don't know how that happened, i think it was the stress of this game. and tilting beans. and not dying." // "dumb ways to die?? playing this app and then getting your contact lens flipped inside your eyelid and going into your brain and murdering you." *phil points to himself flamboyantly* "that is a dumb way to die!" *dan gestures to phil in a way not entirely dissimilar to will smith does on that red carpet picture you know the one* phil please pay him some attention he can't make it anymore obvious "he's wearing glasses!" yes dan, yes he is, everyone is happy, everyone has a reason to live "why will you not get laser eye surgery" i'm sure dan would pay for it himself like phil wouldn't have to spend a penny *the award sticker ceremony* "here is my flaming bean" i said the same thing when the picture of dan with the black nail polish came out "majestic!" dan howell user of fine adjectives i approve "phil, i'm just saying, mine goes from top to bottom, and it's staring to fill horizontally..." // *phil starts speaking at the same time making this incredibly hard to quote ffs* "you're just stretching it out! you're just stretching it out." i said this last time but PLEASE TAKE IT IN TURNS AND LET EACH OTHER SPEAK they actually forgot to put the dvp switch sticker on the board... okay potential rematch?? "give us a tickle on the like button" // *phil overlaps him again i stg he's doing it to stress me out* "give us a little like, subscribe if you're still alive..." "don't do any of the things that happened in this video including wearing contact lenses apparently." beanisonfire AFlattenedPhil (the closest he'll ever be to being flat stanley)