#you take great care in your facial expressions and it fucking shows

[cardassianapplebees]

Watched "Treachery, Faith, and the Great River"

Weyoun 6 fanclub I am running at the clubhouse door at full speed

[ramhaiba]

𝖡𝗈𝗒𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽 (𝖸𝖺𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝖲𝖺𝗍𝗈𝗋𝗎 𝖦𝗈𝗃𝗈 𝗑 𝖱𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋)

SNEAK PEEK

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT a/n: this fic is a lot darker than normal of my work contains: noncon sexual themes, manhandling, breaking up, biting, oral (f receiving), baby trapping, modern au

The truth is, you should have broken up with Satoru Gojo a long time ago. Two years ago, the thought of even considering taking a break from Satoru would have sent you into a coma. Why wouldn’t you want to be known as ‘Satoru's girl?’ Being with a guy like him would cause no one to dare look at you in the wrong way. 

Besides, he buys you things that cost more than your rent, and will refuse if you dare to give it back to him because you ‘don’t need such expensive things.’ 

So what exactly is wrong with dating Satoru?

Obsession. 

“You’ve been spending so much time with your friends...sometimes I think you forget who your boyfriend is”

“Jealous? Me? Baby, it’s only because I care about you”

“You know I don’t like it when you’re away, it hurts me. Do you want to hurt me, Y/n?”

“You look great in that dress. But I feel like I should be the only person to see you in it. Why don’t you go change so you don’t embarrass me” 

And the list goes on and on...and on…

If it wasn’t his words that would send you to this point, his constant touching, rubbing, groping, and kissing in public just to scare any guy in your five-mile radius away was something you couldn’t ignore anymore. 

The final straw is when you heard furious knocking on your door, knocking so loud that you could have sworn that whoever was behind it would just kick it down, surprised that you could hear it with the storm outside. Unlucky for you, you were middle of a shower, not expecting to be bothered in the middle of the night. You were forced to wrap a towel around your torso, covering your chest to your upper thighs, and rushing down the stairs to open the door.

You slowly open the door for your boyfriend,  his chest heaving as the rain pours down on his white hair. 

“Satoru- wh-what’s wrong.” you stuttered, clenching the towel wrapped around your body.

“Bastard ” he muttered, stepping inside, letting his wet footprints stain your floors. 

“What? Satoru, why are you even here- it’s late” you questioned, in disbelief. 

“Tell me-tell me that he didn’t fuck you, Y/n. Please” Satoru begged, his hands gripping your shoulder as he forced you to the wall, blue eyes without a trace of sanity.

“Wh-what the fuck are you talking about “ you yelped, unaware of what put your boyfriend into such a manic episode.  

“Is he still in the house? Huh? He is right?” Satoru started laughing, his head leaning into the crook of your neck, 

God- at this point you wouldn’t be surprised if he bit your neck off.

“Satoru, you’re starting to scare me. Please just tell me what’s wrong and I can help you” you responded, trying to caress his face, only for him to pin your hands above your head. 

“Nanami, you’re fucking him, right? Suguru saw bring you to your house. Holding hands or some shit. Looking too friendly” Satoru hissed, just the thought of you being touched by hands that didn’t belong to him sent waves of fury into him. 

You didn’t even question why Suguru was watching you when he had no reason to be in your area- 

Thinking back at it, you wondered if Satoru begged asked Suguru to watch you while he was too busy to do it himself. 

“Nanami only came over because I asked him to help fix my door” you answered. 

“Then what? You rode his dick as a reward?” 

“Satoru, I would never” you argued. 

“Then show me… Prove to me that you’d never betray me” he erupted, clicking his tongue 

“Please” he added.

That’s when Satoru stepped away from you, knowing what you have to do, your hands shakily let the white towel around your chest slip off, falling onto the floor, using your forearms to cover your breast and pelvis. You turned your head to the side, finding it unbearable to watch his degrading facial expression as he examined every inch of your body, tears of embarrassment threatening to spill out of your eyes. 

“What’s this,” Satoru asked, eyes hooded, his fingers prying your thighs apart, tracing over a faded bite mark. 

“It’s from you, remember” you answered, voice cracking. Suddenly, you felt Satoru’s hands pull your face towards his, blue eyes locking with yours, refusing to let you look away, “want to bet on it?” he questioned. 

You watched hopelessly as Satoru’s lips trailed down your chest to your inner thigh, his knees on the ground, stopping at the bite mark, his pupils dilating as he took a good look at it, before sinking his teeth right into it, causing you to yelp, tugging on his white hair, silently begging him to stop. And when he finally did, he pressed a wicked kiss on it, pulling back to analyze it, 

“I knew it”

He smiled as he looked up at you from between your legs, pressing his chin on your thigh, “It’s a perfect match on my teeth, I knew you’d never cheat on me baby” he smiled. His hands rubbed your waist as your tears fell from your eyes, heart still racing from the rush of adrenaline.

 Satoru didn’t mind you were crying, in fact, he thought you were always at your prettiest when crystal-clear salty tears dripped down your heated cheeks, eyelashes damp. 

Full version

[smutinlove]

ᴊᴀꜱᴏɴ ᴛᴏᴅᴅ—ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴀʟᴘʜᴀʙᴇᴛ

—You know what this is. For my fellow Jason Todd lovers, this is for you.

✯A = Aftercare (What they're like after sex)

This man can either be rough or soft. But most of the time, he is rough. But he also loves taking care of you. After sex, he'd run a bath for you or give you a well-deserved massage while whispering something along the lines of, "You did so good, love."

✯B = Body part (His favorite body part of yours)

He is a total thigh man. He loves your thighs. Jason loves seeing you wear short shorts that show off your thighs. He also loves it when you sit down and your thighs quadruple in size. It always gets him in the mood.

✯C = Consent (He's a gentleman)

He will NEVER do anything to you without asking first. Jason would hate to see you hurt, especially if he hurt you. He couldn't live with himself if he were the one that hurt you.

✯D = Dirty secret (Very obvious)

Whenever you're out or not around, he'll raid your closet and masturbate using a piece of your clothing. (He is a major horndog)

✯E = Experience (How experienced is he?)

He's had a few flings and hookups before he died. He's experimented with a few things. (Toys etc..) He's a very experienced person. Jason's a quick learner when it comes to you as well. He knows what you feel uncomfortable and comfortable with.

He's occasionally asked Dick or Bruce for advice as well. (Bruce would probably avoid the question and say he needs to go on patrol or something. But Dick would definitely answer and questions from Jason.)

✯F = Favorite position

Missionary. He loves seeing you squirm and moan beneath him while he fucks you until you can't walk straight. And if he's in an extra special mood (jealous/angry) his hands suddenly find their way to your neck, giving you a rough squeeze and ramming into you like it's his last day on earth.

✯G = Goofy (Is Jason more serious or just goofy?)

It depends on Jason's mood. Sometimes he'll make jokes and tease you. But mostly, he's serious and into the moment. And when he's angry or frustrated, he always feels better when he hears you scream his name and moan.

✯H = Hair (Does the carpet match the drapes?)

Jason keeps himself neat. He occasionally has a bit of facial stubble. And he may or may not have a bush down there. But if you want him to shave, he will. He's good like that.

✯I = Intimacy (How is he during the moment? Romantic aspect)

I feel like Jason would get a bit uncomfortable when he feels vulnerable. But during sex, he's definitely more rough and does his best to ask how you are.

Jason struggles with showing his emotions and expressing his feelings, but it's something he's working on.

But when you're not having sex, he knows you. Jason is great at reading your feelings. He knows what you want and don't want. He will always want to make you happy and remind you that you're loved.

✯J = Jacking off

(Mentioned in dirty secrets) He really only does it when you're not around. Most of the time, you are the number one thing on Jason's mind, causing him to get hard and have to do something about it.

✯K = Kinks

Size kink - He has a major size kink. He's around 6 feet and he loves the feeling of being bigger than you. He loves towering over you and randomly picking you up, feeling your figure against his chest.

Choking - After he was thrown into the lazarus pit, his grew. A lot. He became stronger as well. He loves the feeling of having control over you. The way you squirm under his grasp makes him feel powerful.

Orgasm denial - He loves to see you beg. Jason wants you begging for even the slightest bit of release. It makes him

✯L = Location (Fav place)

He isn't picky. He will bend you over a sink at your local Arby's if it meant he could fuck you. But Jason loves fucking you in the shower. Him seeing you squirming and moaning under him as he fucks you in a tight secluded space does something to him in so many ways.

✯ M = Motivation (What turns him on)

Jealousy. He absolutely hates it when you talk to other men. He's very possessive over you. The idea of you even taking a small liking to ANYONE pisses him off.

Arguing/bickering. This man loves chaos. It's his natural home. And whenever you two fight, it gets him hard. And that leads to angry makeup sex.

✯N = No (Turns offs)

Gun/knife play - NEVER. He would hate to put you under that kind of thing. Jason would never dream of hurting you. And he grew up in one of Gotham's crime alleys. He knows all the disgusting things that happen.

Threesomes are a no. He hates sharing, especially when it comes to you. The slightest thought of it angers him. He also does not want anyone else to look at you.

✯O = Oral (Preferences in giving receiving, skill, etc..)

This man knows how to eat pussy. He'd eat you out like it's his last meal. He's good at it. He knows what makes you scream. But Jason also doesn't mind being given head. He teases you, calling you a "good girl" and he praises you when you swallow his come.

✯P = Pace (is he fast and rough? slow and gentle?)

It'd depend on his mode really. But he likes to fuck you hard, but he knows how much you can take. He'll definitely hold your hand. And later on, he'll run you a bath and take care of you.

✯Q = Quickie (his opinion, how often etc..)

He'll never say no to a quickie if you two are down bad. But Jason prefers to take his time with you. He wants you screaming and begging for release. He just loves to tease and make fun of you.

✯R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He's not much of a risk-taker. (He def can't be an entrepreneur.) If you want him to try something new, you'd have to beg. And it would take a long time for him to actually warm up to it. He'd be okay to use restraints if it's okay with you. But he would never put himself in a submissive position.

✯S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go? how long?)

It would depend on his mood, really. He could definitely go for a round or two if it's just casual sex. But if he's angry or jealous? You will not be able to walk for a few days minimum.

✯T = Toy (do they own toys? do they use them? do they use them on their partner?)

Jason would NEVER use them on himself. He hates feeling submissive and losing control. But on you? Definitely. I feel like he would definitely use handcuffs on you just to stop you from moving your hands so much when he's devouring your cunt.

✯U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Jason motherfucking Todd is the biggest tease ever. He will touch you everywhere but where you want him too. He wants you begging for him. Jason wants you screaming his name, begging him to touch you where you want him too.

✯V = Volume (how loud they are, etc...)

Jason isn't really loud. You'll hear an occasional grunt or low moan coming from him. But he will definitely pull your hair and give you an occasional reminder that HE is the one pounding into you.

✯W = Wild card (random headcanon for character)

Jason wants to dominate you. Period.

✯X = X-ray (what's happening under those clothes?)

his cock is def 8-9 inches. no explanation needed.

✯Y = Yearning (sex drive)

Jason definitely has a high sex drive. He would definitely fuck you all day.

✯Z = Zzz (sleep)

He doesn't fall asleep until you do. He wants to make you feel comfortable and protected. He's a gentleman (most of the time) frr.

»»————<3———-««

im def going back into my jason todd phase. maybe i'll do one for dick and bruce. <3

anyway this took so long to write and im tired. VERY TIRED. maybe jason can tuck me into bed and give me a kiss?

[emilsendo]

Can you please make a muzan oneshot, smut with aftercare and muzan being alittle protective of m! Reader...

Thank you! <3

With pleasure I'll make this request! Take care💪🏼✨️👀

Also, I apologize for any errors in the text. I hope you will enjoy it.

_______________________________________

S!Bottom Muzan Kibutsuji

X

Dom!Top Male Reader

warnings: rough sex, brutal scene of torturing someone(Douma), mentions of betrayal, breeding, pain kink, swearing, no preparation, blood, gay/yaoi, etc.

Type: Smut

Request: ✅️

_______________________________________

It was a day like any other, everyone looked the same. You, as a rank 0 higher moon demon, AND as the husband of the demon king, had a wide reputation among demons and humans alike. However, Muzan Kibutsuji didn't treat your strength like the others, he loved you too much to care if you were powerful enough. For him, you were and are his property, which he must protect against possible threats. Mainly rivals created by your handsome appearance. But who would dare to endanger the MUZAN himself? Probably just a real suicide.

Y/N was currently walking through the forest after mercilessly killing a man from the village he was passing by. As an Upper Moon demon, he must eat quite regularly in order for his strength to remain the same or even greater. Even if he sometimes has some signs of humanity in his heart, he still doesn't care much about this feeling. He had long since rid himself of the feeling of guilt in his soul, all in order to be able to kill more effectively and faster. He is about 600 years old, has adapted to living in the body of a creature and killing those who resist his actions. Y/N remembers almost nothing from his past, except for the feeling of weakness... his heart only remembers how he felt then, not what he was like and what his life was like, did he have a family? Did he have a wife and children? Was he someone important? Nothing. Emptiness.

While listening to the sounds of nature, he heard another sound, but of feet pattering behind him and then next to him. It was as if this person was fast enough to somehow teleport. Y/N looked at them, his c/e eyes meeting rainbow ones. It was none other than Doma, who no one likes because... he's the least bit annoying.

— Hello, Lord Y/N~! How is our handsome boy? — he asked with a practiced and false tone of joy, something that was probably the reason why no one liked him. Y/N remained unfazed by his presence, but he felt a certain irritation. Doma moved in on him far too many times, as if he wanted more than a punch to the jaw.

— How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that? Don't you have anything else to do? — he replied with a great show of dislike towards the demon next to him, looking at him out of the corner of his eye with his deadly gaze, which usually made every demon and human bend more than one knee. But not Doma, this type has too much of a disregard for other people's needs.

— Aww~ Ice cold as always, huh? I'm just trying to be nice to Muzan's lover~.... — he said. And his voice and facial expression were like a child who didn't get what he wanted.

—You'll be nice when you get out of here.— Y/N finally looking at the shorter man with his full perspective. However, instead of an answer, he received a kiss, which shocked him. He automatically pushed him away and punched him in the jaw hard enough to tear off half his face, staining his hands with blood. Doma looked at him with a strange look, maybe if his face was intact it would look better... The man smiled slyly as if he was proud of what he had done, lightly touching his newly regenerated jaw.

Muzan won't be happy with the fact that his "property" has been touched and Y/N knows it, which is why he felt a slight twinge in his stomach from the stress. Because he'll get hurt too.

—Who the fuck are you? — a deep and loud voice asked, while the sounds of limbs and bones being torn to shreds echoed throughout the room. The muzzled hand was tearing apart Doma's body, and Doma was not reacting much to any of these harms. The brunette's blood-red eyes scanned the demon in front of him, who was kneeling.

—How dare you disregard my order? How dare you TOUCH something that belongs to me? — he grabbed the blonde by the forehead, his claw drilling a hole in the skull. He then caused his cells to slowly melt Doma's body.

Upper Rank 2 began bleeding from the inside, choking on a red substance. Pulsating, almost purple veins appeared on his skin.

—I should kill you....But you are a useful demon because of your loyalty. However, one more move like that... and I will personally expose you to the sun.— Muzan threatened, letting his brother go free.

—Muzan....I'm sorry, honey. I had no way to react to protect myself from Doma's kiss... I didn't expect it. - you whispered, your voice sounding completely different because of the way the veins that carry Muzan's blood tightened around your weave. You were in a kneeling position in front of your husband, who was sitting on a chair, his chin resting on his hand and his eyes down on your apologetic form. He had you like this for a while now, letting his anger out on you.

—.....— Muzan closed his eyes and then stopped controlling his cells, letting you breathe. His gaze moved to the side, ignoring you. You could see from a mile away that he was still pissed at you.

The moment you gained access to breathing again, you gasped. Coughing heavily from the dryness in my throat and the lack of oxygen. But you didn't have time to feel sorry for yourself, you had to console Muzan somehow, before he will kill useful demons.

You stepped closer to Muzan, resting your head on his knee.

—I love you, you know?— you said, knowing that this sentence would calm Muzan down instantly. The man finally looked at you, his gaze still as cold as ice. But his eyes became less wild, clear evidence that he had calmed down. His hand gently grabbed your chin, stroking it lightly with his thumb.

— I know. I love you too, you're like a toxin that makes me sick. But it is also very....addictive.— Muzan pulls your body up by your hand, he also stood up. Making you both switch positions, where this time you are sitting and he is kneeling.

— However, I want you to make me realize this by fucking me.— he said with a smirk. His tone was seductive and his eyes were filled with lust and horniness. Your member twitch at that sight, you couldn't resist your husband's "request", when it was clearly what you desired too deep down. Before you answered, Muzan already was working your pants off, he rip them off to be honest. Exposing your big and hard length that he loves so much, his tongue licks his lower lip, getting ready to the delicious taste he will have on it by a few seconds.

He opens his lips wide, already trying to deepthroat your dick with his tight canal. Making you hiss from pleasure and tighten your grip on the chair, claws digging into the wooden furniture. Your King sucks every good spots, pulling away for a while to spit on your cock to make it more wet. His tongue lick your tip, kissing it passionately as if making out with it, before going back down to your shaft. Licking up and down, massaging your balls and squeezing them from time to time. Making your head be on cloud 9 and resisting the urge to fuck your husband's throat. He wets your cock so good that it made such a sloppy sounds that made Muzan's mind go crazy, he only wants you to rile him like the last whore and then shower with affection. That's why he grabbed roughly your wrist and put it on his head, signaling you to control his movements.

You didn't waste any time in making him choke and gag all over your large cock, you could feel his nails pressing into your skin on thighs from pleasure and the feeling of your rough treatment. The feeling of a colossal hand gripping his hair, that clearly belong to you made his own dick almost cream his pants from excitement. And when you finally came in his mouth, he swallowed it eagerly like a treasure. His lips all red and swollen from sucking and having his mouth filled with something so thick.

— Take my clothes off. Now.— he damanded, but his voice sounds so needy and almost desperate. While he tried to mask it by cleaning your dick off from the rest of cum. You pull him on your lap with one move of your arm, making him gasp a bit. Before you took off his whole clothes, your gaze fixed on his expression that showed a pure lust. Muzan's mouth instinctively wrap itself around your fingers, wetting them as if he knows by the look on your face what you want him to do.

— Good slut.— you said with a smirk and satisfaction, even if your husband doesn't seem to like this nickname. (He feels butterflies in his stomach but his mind refuse to accept it)

— I am NOT a slut.— he said with serious tone, sounding a bit stern.

— Then I'll have to prove you wrong. Cause sluts like you can take cocks like mine without preparation.— You said, making Muzan look at you in confusion and he understood in a second what you meant.

— Oi, no!— he tried to protest in panic, his eyes widen, a loud scream from pleasure and pain left his mouth as you slam your cock inside him with one, smooth move. You groan at the tightness around your cock, it almost felt like it's sucking you inside.

— Don't cry, honey... I know you like it. Good slut-husbands like you are experts in satisfing your beloved.— you whisper in his ear, wiping his tears off from his cheeks. You looked at his expression that was a mix of pleasure and pain, his teeth clenched from the feeling of you deep inside him, touching his prostate with the tip of your cock.

Muzan was quiet for a few seconds, before he chuckles from esctasy and his red eyes fixed on you. He tighten his gummy like walls around your member to tease you and motivate you into fucking him.

— Of course.....I'll take care of your crotch like a good husband slut.— Muzan's lips kissed your face, starting with you forehead and ending at your lips. He really do love you for agreeing for you to call him this way....

Next thing he knows was you making him bounce like a desperate bunny on your dick, making sloppy sounds from going in and out of his entrance. The sounds of his loud moaning, mewling and your grunts and groans spread all over his office. Muzan's hair were messy and wet from sweat. His eyes unfocused. His sharp nails digging intl your shoulders. His legs shaking. His walls clenched and unclenched from pleasure and overstimulation. You hit his prostate over and over again, making him wanna cry to heavens.... or to hell.

Suddenly, you stand up with him in your arms, surprising him a bit as he got placed on his desk with legs spread. His back met the surface of the wooden furniture, he pants like a dog as he watched you put his legs on your shoulders, making your balls made a contact with his ass. He whimpers from that feeling.

— Fuck me.....Fuck your slutty husband.....fill me with your heirs and have the satisfaction of owning the King of demons~— Muzan said with a smirk, chest going up and down from breathing hard. That words went straight to your cock, twitching inside your lover. Your gaze like a predator, as you move oncr again. Hips snapping back and forth hard and deep, as if you were seriously trying to make him pregnant or break. He grip onto the edges of his desk, almost destroying it with his demonic strength. The pre-cum made it easier for you to go in and out of his warm and wet ass. His entrance sucked you greedy in, as if not planning for you to leave it.

— Such a good slut for me, huh? Your tiny hole seems not to want me to let go.— you said between moans, rubbing his pale waist in your hands.

— Uh-huh.....Haah...haaah...haaah...Not let go....haah...HAAH....HAAHH...— he said dumbly, without thinking twice before saying it. Feeling stupid from esctasy.

Hours passed, it was already morning and you two only just done having sex. You slip your cock out of his hole, making the cum drip from Muzan's ass. You looked at your dear husband that you spent your whole life as a demon. Admiring his appearance that looked so messy. It's kinda sad that the marks you left regenerate faster than you blink...But you still felt satisfaction, because you owned THE Muzan Kibutsuji.

— Very well, Y/N......you kept me satisfy.— Kibutsuji said, his voice breathless but his gaze intense. He pulls you towards him with strong grip, making you lay on top of his body. Rubbing your back and head with his hand.

— But you have to make me a bath with rose petals.— he demand, looking down at you with a smile. You snuggle against his chest, squeezing his nipples between your fingers. Making him glare at you.

— Control yourself. I want bath.—

— Hehehe....— you laughed nervously.

[lipglossanon]

Day 18

Kink: Threesome

Pairing: Las Plagas!Leon S. Kennedy x fem!reader x Shape Shifter/Wendigo!Leon S. Kennedy

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, threesome, aphrodisiac, noncon, slight body horror, off screen oc death, biting, blood, dirty talk, oral (m receiving), blowjob, cumming in mouth, cum swallowing, facial, unprotected sex, creampie, cum shot

not proofread

The party’s been raging for hours; pockets of people completely passed out uncomfortably close to the bonfire. You’ve had a couple of drinks, but nothing on the heavy side. It’s a cool October night, nearby the forest that’s supposedly haunted (by what or whom has only been whispered about). 

You’ve never put much stock in those old wives tales, especially tonight when some of the locals decided to dredge it all up in an attempt to scare newcomers.   It’s why later, when a crying girl finds you to say her boyfriend hasn’t come back, that you opt to go with her to look for him. 

“He said he’d be right back,” she sniffles, mascara running. “It’s been almost an hour. Do you think he got lost?”

“Maybe,” you push past some low branches, listening to her follow behind. “He may have just passed out or something.”

“Maybe,” her breath hitches. “Maybe that monster got him.”

You roll your eyes since she can’t see your face, “Doubt it.”

Walking deeper into the trees, you miss the movement behind the girl; a too long arm reaching down from the branches above to snag around her neck and yank her upward. A loud snap makes you turn, eyes squinting in the murky darkness. 

“Hey,” you purse your lips, irritated that you forgot to ask her name. “Hey, are you okay?”

She stumbles out from the trees, brushing pine needles and leaves off her clothes. 

“Yeah, sorry, just tripped that’s all,” she smiles and you squint in reply. 

“Okay, well just try to be careful.”

She quickens her pace to fall into step beside you. 

“You said he’s been out here for an hour?”

She hums, “Just about.“

You glance over at her only to see her already staring at you, practically bright eyed and bushy tailed. It takes you aback, slowing your walk. 

“You good?”

You take in her dry eyes and nearly blank expression. 

“Oh, I’m great,” she smiles again and your brows raise. 

“Oookay then,” doubt laces your tone. 

Turning away from her, you turn your attention back to scanning the area. 

“This is a decent way in,” you offer up. “Think he’ll be this far in the forest, away from the party?”

“Oh, he was,” she giggles, so high and lilting that it makes the hairs on your arms stand up. 

You spin around to face her head on, “Was? Are you guys fucking with me? Tricking me out here as some stupid ass joke!?”

“Kind of,” she shrugs, but then her body doesn’t stop moving, a weird jittering overtaking her limbs. 

You bite back a gasp as you watch while her bones crack and fold in on themselves before extending at odd intervals, joints in places that aren’t the norm. Her face melts like a sped up candle and you blink rapidly, mind trying to process what you’re witnessing. In the blink of an eye, it morphs into that of an animal skull with horns protruding from the head. 

The thing in front of you stands tall, skeletal and ghastly. Your brain bleats in terror, but your feet are frozen to the spot.  Movement in your peripheral drags your wide eyes blissfully away from the horror show in front of you. Whatever subconscious hope you harbored dies a swift death as a new monster steps forth. 

Blacked out skin crawling with dark veins end with sharp tipped claws. His face makes your stomach drop out like a free fall ride at an amusement park. The tale of the slit mouthed woman crosses your mind before it disappears with the fervent hope this is all some sort of fucked up dream. 

His lips have split at the corners, stretching up along his jaw like a jester’s grin paired with razor sharp teeth. Black veins travel from his hairline down across his face—he looks like nothing you’ve ever seen before.

A low rasping laugh from behind has you jerking your head back around to the creature from before. 

“She looks like fun, doesn’t she?” It croons, body contorting again until it nearly matches the thing behind you—fringed blond hair and gleaming eyes. 

Now looking like a regular guy, it steps forward, crossing the distance in long strides until he’s standing in front of you. 

“W-what do you want?” You speak but it’s hard pushing the words through your dry mouth. 

“To have fun,” he snickers, night shine eyes flicking up to the person behind you. “We like to compete.”

“He’s right,” the other creature agrees easily, stepping into your personal space, body heat a brand against your back. “We’ll make it fun for you, too.”

Sharp burning pain pierces the side of your neck as needle like teeth sink into your skin. 

“I’m so jealous,” the one in front of you whines, horns pushing through his hair to curl over his head. “Lucky fucking bug.”

The man behind you snarls but whatever he replies with is lost as liquid heat radiates out from the bite mark. You swoon as white hot arousal blazes through your body so fast, it makes you dizzy. Their soft bickering dies down when you whimper, swaying on your feet and into the man in front of you. 

“Aww, she’s feeling it now,” he grins and his sharp incisors make your pussy clench. 

“Wha’—feel weird,” you try to shake your head but your body feels heavy and needy, nipples pebbling into hard peaks under your shirt while your cunt leaks slick into the gusset of your panties. 

“That’s just a little sumthin’ to make ya feel good,” the one holding you soothes, hands twitching against you as his fingers turn double jointed. “That’s a specialty of Leon’s.”

“Leon?” You frown up into the grinning face above you. 

“He likes to imitate me,” Leon answers and rubs a sharp tipped hand down your arm. “Thinks it’s funny.”

“It is,” the other one argues back. “We could pass as twins.”

“Cause you’re a weirdo,” a scoff from behind you. “Shouldn’t we be moving this along?”

“Of course, I’ll take first dibs.”

“We both will.”

“You got the last one.”

“No, you did. You killed him, remember?”

“Oh yeah,” a fond sigh. “He was an asshole, but his bone marrow was so worth it.”

The fear has slunked off like a kicked dog and in its place a lustful haze so potent, you think you’ll claw your skin off if someone doesn’t touch you. 

“Please,” you whine, “I can’t think straight.”

“Poor thing,” Leon murmurs, dipping his head forward and sucking on the bloody mark.

Keening, you rock your ass back against him, clit pulsing like a second heartbeat. He groans and lathes his tongue across the bite, sharp teeth teasing at your skin. 

“Oh god,” you gasp, eyes rolling back as he sinks his teeth into a spot on your shoulder after tugging your shirt out of the way. 

“Fuck, that looks good,” the man in front of you growls, moving up to sandwich you between them.

He copies his supposed look alike— pressing hot, open mouthed kisses from your jawline to your shoulder before savagely biting into the flesh. You cry out into the night, back arching forward, pushing yourself into two hungry mouths. After each monster works the skin with their teeth, they pull away, each admiring their own handiwork.

Your brain feels like it’s melting out of your ears. They’ve done nothing more than sink their greedy teeth into you and yet you’re on the cusp of an orgasm already. 

“I need to be inside her little pussy,” Leon pulls away, grinding his bulge against your ass. “Gotta stuff that hot cunt.”

“Mmm, I just want this soft, pretty mouth,” the strange creature in front of you groans, body stretching tall once more. “Bend over for us, sweetness.”

They maneuver your body like a puppets, stripping your jeans and panties down to your ankles and folding you forward, shivering as your soaked pussy is exposed to the cold October air. 

“Oh, good girl,” one of them moans while a cock notches at your drippy hole followed by one slapping across your lips. 

“Open wide,” a vicious croon ending in a groan as your jaw parts on a keen, lips and tongue eagerly working the cock deeper into your mouth.  

Salty precum bursts across your tastebuds and you suck harder, needing more of that taste to flood your mouth. 

“Damn, fucking gagging for it, huh?” 

Moaning, your eyes well with tears, body pressing back against the fat tip teasingly pushing in and out of your cunt. 

“Ready?” 

“Go ahead and stuff that little pussy, Leon.”

Your fluttering walls stretch around the fat length rocking steadily into your sopping wet cunt. 

“Oh god, she’s so—fuck, so fucking—her pussy’s so hot,” he whines, pelvis coming to rest against your ass, cock buried completely in your hole. 

“Yeah? This mouth is so soft and wet,” a low grunt meets your ears as you hollow your cheeks and suck him off more sloppily. “Fuck, use that slutty tongue, ohhh, there we go.”

You’re totally mindless, completely giving in to the pleasure of having a thick cock in your mouth and cunt, stretching you open wide in different ways. Drool slips from the corner of your mouth to drip in thick strings off your chin. 

The cock buried deep in your cunt, throbs and kicks, leaking precum in your clenching heat. The man fucking your mouth grips your head with both hands, holding you steady as he rocks his hips back and forth, balls slapping against your chin.

“Can you rub her clit?” Leon grits out, raising his clawed fingers up. “I don’t wanna cut her.”

“Oh, I can rub that swollen needy clit,” he chuckles. “Gonna make that fat pussy cream all over your cock.”

You whine, suckling the head of his cock before bobbing your head back down, gagging yourself. 

“Fuck,” he tosses his head back. “Yeah you like that, fucking slut. ‘m gonna shoot my load down this hot throat.”

Your eyes roll back, something soft flicking and rubbing against your clit and making your legs shake. 

“Like my tail? Can feel that pudgy bud throbbing for some attention,” he goads mockingly. “So… slippery.”

Behind you, Leon begins humping your pussy at a rougher pace, cock pistoning in and out of your cunt, a wet plap plap plap that turns you on even more. 

The more you moan the rougher they become, fucking your mouth and pussy with near abandon as one of them plays with your clit. You cum hard, pussy pulsing and fluttering around the cock bullying its way into your hole. Fluid gushes from you cunt, soaking your thighs and the man behind you. 

“God, we got a squirter,” the man fucking your mouth growls out. “Fuck, ‘m gonna cum in this fucking mouth. Oh yes, suck me, suck me, oh shit.”

He hisses and hot thick ropes of cum shoot down your throat. You swallow as much as possible until you start to choke, coughing around his dick until he pulls it out, spurting a few more ribbons of spend all over your lips and chin. 

Growling from behind paired with a death grip onto your hips are all signals of Leon’s impending orgasm. He snaps his hips a few more times, sinking into you to the hilt and spilling deep inside your cunt. 

“Yeah, fill that fucking pussy up.”

Leon groans, rutting against your ass as he keeps cumming inside your milking cunt. 

“God, it’s so good,” he pants, pulling out to jerk off the last of his load onto your ass. 

While you’re all trying to catch your breath, you collapse down onto your knees—or you would have if it wasn’t for Leon gripping your waist at the last minute. He fumbles with your panties and jeans until he gets them pulled back up into place. 

“How long til that shit wears off?” The one in front of you looks back to normal—a blue eyed man with not a blonde hair out of place. 

“Maybe another twenty minutes. We should probably sneak her back to that party,” the one behind you steps up next to you, looking identical.

“Let’s head out then, bro.”

Leon rolls his eyes and swings you up into a bridal carry, falling in step behind the other one. Eyelids feeling like they’re weighed down by a pile of bricks, you let them fall shut. You’ll have time to worry about whether or not they’re going to kill you later. 

[dhorrl]

NSFW Alphabet-Feitan Portor

I never write headcanons really, but this is a great way to me to workshop information for my Janitor AI characters as well. Enjoy! Trigger Warnings: It's Feitan, is his own trigger warning. Mentions of blood, torture, etc...

A = Aftercare

At first, when Feitan just pays for sex, he doesn't bother with aftercare. In his mind, that's already been taken care of by the transaction. But when he meets you and realizes you have more needs than just physical, he begins to pay attention to your well-being. He starts by checking your body for any injuries or cuts and making sure they are taken care of. If necessary, he will bandage them up. Afterwards, he'll carry you to the bath and make sure all traces of blood and fluids are washed away. For less intense encounters without any kink involved, it takes a while but he eventually learns to enjoy having his arm around you and nuzzling into the back of your neck. He's not one for talking much, but this is his way of showing that he's there for you if you need anything.

B = Body Part

Feitan doesn't spend much time admiring his own appearance, so it's hard to say if he has a favorite body part. But on you, he loves your legs. From your thighs to your calves to the curve of your ass, he will mark every inch of them with his teeth or knife. Most likely both... definitely both.

C = Cum

Feitan may have a fit body, but that doesn't necessarily mean he eats great. Don't expect the taste to be great. It's quite watery, but there will definitely be a decent amount. He enjoys cumming inside you, but has no desire for baby-making, so his go-to options are either finishing on your face or your backside. It's clear this man has a thing for marking his territory.

D = Dirty Secret

I don’t think he has any secrets per se (well, maybe that’s not entirely accurate; he definitely HAS secrets), but scandalous secrets? He’d be transparent if you asked him about his history, and he’s probably been with both men and women. Maybe once or twice, Feitan and Phinks have tag-teamed someone – that's just the type of friends they are.

E = Experience

People tend to assume that Feitan is inexperienced or a virgin, but I believe the opposite is true. However, he has never been in a traditional relationship. In my opinion, both him and Phinks prefer to seek paid companionship when they feel the need, for their own personal reasons. It's simpler and faster, without having to deal with emotions. Feitan has specific "preference" and it's easiest for him to pay someone who is willing to indulge in his frustrations and kinks.

F = Favorite Position

It's hard to say what he wants more. On one hand, he loves seeing your face during sex – the way your expression changes when you climax or when he brings out his blade. But above all else, he just wants to make sure you're okay. He reads your body language and facial expressions, especially if you've taken on an intense scene. He has a safe word, of course, but he'll also stop if he senses that you're not using it properly.

On the other hand, sometimes he just wants to bend you over any available surface and fuck you until both of you are exhausted. These quickies usually happen when he's feeling particularly worked up or just needs a release. He'll grab your hair, push your face into whatever is nearby, and pull down your pants as he takes you from behind.

G = Goofy

Contrary to popular belief, Feitan is not as serious as he appears. While he may have a stoic demeanor, it does not mean he lacks a sense of humor. In the bedroom, his behavior can vary. When he takes on the role of Dom, he is completely focused and aware to avoid unleashing too much of his torture skills on you. However, during more casual moments like a quick morning romp, he may crack a smile and playfully nip at your skin in an attempt to make you laugh.

H = Hair

Feitan isn't a very hairy person, with smooth skin all over his body. He has a slight trail of hair that leads down to a small patch of black hair. While it may not be perfectly groomed, it doesn't bother him much. When it comes to his partner, the amount or style of hair they have is of no concern to Feitan; he enjoys them regardless.

I = Intimacy

If Feitan is transitioning from paying for sex to pursuing a relationship with you, congratulations - you have reached an intimate level. For him, this is already a huge step, so if there is anything specific you want, you may need to communicate it clearly. As his feelings for you deepen over time, he may start to appreciate the softer moments between you, even though he might never say so out loud.

J = Jack Off

I don't think he masturbates frequently. It's not because he lacks interest, but rather because he is very self-aware and in control of his body. However, if you were to ask him to do it or even let you do it for him while he lays back on the bed and watches, he would absolutely be up for it.

K = Kink

It goes without saying, we all know he's a dominant, but not in the conventional sense. He craves control and isn't afraid to use restraints. But for Feitan, it's about more than just physical pleasure. He wants to leave his mark on you, carve his symbol into your skin, use ropes that bite into your flesh. The feeling of your blood on his skin is intoxicating to him, and he would savor the opportunity to cut you open and bathe in it. It would be even more thrilling if you possessed a Nen ability with enhanced healing capabilities. He enjoys blood but is not interested in any other bodily fluids. His marking kink would involve carving his name or number onto your skin; in my imagination, you have a "2" engraved somewhere on you.

L = Location

Feitan is not one to hold back; when he wants you, he takes you. However, his preference would be in a bed or a special room akin to the one he uses for his victims, where he can unleash without worry of making a mess.

M = Motivation

Before you came into his life, he would only get in the mood after a demanding job or if it had been a while since his last encounter. But with you around, even simple activities like washing dishes or reading a book can make Feitan ready to go. Just one look from you and he's all fired up.

N = No

I don't believe he has any interest in anything involving feces or urine; it's just not his type of kink. It's not that he finds it disgusting, it's just not something he enjoys. But with almost anything else, even things he initially may not like, I feel like if you persist enough, he'll eventually give in and try it.

O = Oral

He's a giver, through and through. He will bury his face between your thighs, losing himself in the moment until he's dizzy and gasping for breath. Even then, he won't pull away. He'll lick, suck, and maybe even bite if he feels like it. By the time he's finished, every inch of his face will be slick, and his eyes will be wild and primal as he looks at you. And if you try to tell him to stop, it will only fuel his fire. Keep that in mind before you ask him to ease up.

P = Pace

It's always a 50/50 gamble with him. I wouldn't say it's sensual, but he definitely likes to take his time. If you agree to a rougher scene, where he can let loose and show off all his skills, be prepared to be tied up and at his mercy for hours. He may even leave you there, tied up and sweating, before coming back to start the whole thing over again.

But all of this is just the warm-up before he even enters you. When he's finally ready for the final round, he will take you hard. The bed will shake on its rails and the headboard will slam against the walls. And it's absolutely incredible.

Q = Quickie

Feitan doesn't mind a quickie, especially when you're in the middle of a mission and there isn't enough time for a longer session. He has impressive self-control, so if you're not feeling up for it, he's okay with that. However, he also knows that you can't resist him when he asks.

R = Risk

Risk? Feitan doesn't even comprehend the concept, especially when it comes to sex. So what if the other Troupe members might overhear or walk in? Who cares if they fuck during a job and the target might catch them in the act? Feitan would simply eliminate any witnesses and continue as he pleases.

S = Stamina

Oh dear, your body is in for a rough time. When Feitan gets riled up, you'll be in for an extended bout of physical activity. Thanks to his rigorous Nen training and natural stamina, he doesn't tire easily. You'll probably lose consciousness long before he's finished, but even then, he'll likely continue on without missing a beat.

T = Toy

If by toys you're referring to the collection of knives, ropes, and gags he uses for his regular torturing sessions, then yes, those are his "toys." However, I have a feeling that once you explore his kinky side with him, he would have a separate set of these items just for personal use. Some people headcanon that he's dirty or gross, but in reality, he's canonically a germaphobe. He wouldn't want any blood or fluids from his victims to touch you. In fact, I bet he would even invest in a high-quality vibrator for other types of "torture."

U = Unfair

This is Feitan's domain. He takes pleasure in teasing you in every possible manner. He considers himself a master of all forms of torture and you are his favorite subject for experimentation. You better not cum without his permission, or there will be consequences. I can't help but wonder if there's a hint of masochism in him, deliberately prolonging his own orgasm until it becomes unbearable.

V = Volume

Feitan's voice is naturally soft, so he doesn't make much noise during sex. But that doesn't mean he's silent; his words are like whispers in your ear, filled with degrading comments and descriptions of what he plans to do next. He watches closely for your reactions to his words, using them to gauge your pleasure.

W = Wild Card

Feitan may not even realize it, but he’s a tsundere with yandere tendencies. He is fixated on you and will go to great lengths to gather information about you. He sees it as a way to bond with you. Your past and relationships with others hold little importance to him unless he can use them to manipulate you. He pays close attention to every detail about you for his own gratification. While this can lead to unexpected surprises, there is a fine line between showing affection and being overly possessive.

X = X-Ray

Let me begin by saying that size isn't always the most important thing. However, that doesn't mean Feitan is lacking in that department. He may not impress when flaccid with a modest 2 inches, but he definitely makes up for it with a solid 5 inches when fully aroused. "Size not matter in fight… or in bed."

Y = Yearning

Feitan has an above average drive and libido, but an even higher level of self-control. He can easily suppress any desires he may have, but when the opportunity arises, be prepared for him to let loose. After finishing a job, it's best to take a few days off because you won't be able to walk afterwards.

Z = ZZZ

I can hardly imagine him getting any sleep at all. I'm sure he does, but as a long time Spider, he has likely trained his body to function on minimal rest. Those rare moments after sex, when everything is calm and still, may be the only times where he truly lets himself relax, though. Even then, it's probably only momentary.

[eliza-and-her-monsters]

the tortured poets department

Info Post

Moodboards

Part I

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Contains/TW: depictions of autism ‘meltdowns’/panic and overstimulation, slight depictions of asthma. PSA i’m portraying amelia’s autism in similar ways to how mine works and what it does to me so if yours works differently that’s okay! ASD affects us all who have it in different ways 🖤

A/N: i will admit i struggled a bit with this one so it might not be as great. i hope you enjoy it regardless though :,) ALSO to those of you who loved Jinx and Millie’s friendship you’ll probably like this one! 🖤 (also another psa last chapter of 2024 🤭)

WC: 4.6k

Part IV

The Bolter

It felt like every inch of me was shaking as I speed-walked down the hallway towards the locker room. My arms tightly wound around myself as Vi’s words echoed in my head like an angry mantra. No, no no no… you will not victimize yourself right now. Take care of Ellie. For once just take care of someone else. It wasn’t to say I hadn’t been yelled at before, countless times I found myself on the receiving end of my parents frustrated anger or my tutors’ impatience. Even Caitlyn and I had for sure gotten into a few screaming matches before. But for some reason hearing it from Vi’s voice hurt more than anyone else’s.

I roughly wiped at my eyes before I could push my way into the locker room, momentarily forgetting about the contacts that had been shoved into them which caused me to grimace at the feeling of them shifting. I tried to blink away the blurriness as I stepped into the room. Ellie stood over the sink, already shrugged off all of her gear now clad in a simple black tank top as she carefully dabbed at the splotch underneath her eye with a wet cloth. “Ellie? A-Are you okay? How’s your head?” I questioned as I cautiously crept into the empty locker room.

“Haven’t had any complaints yet.” She joked with a shrug causing my expression to fade into a little scowl. “Relax, I’m fine. My ego’s more bruised than anything, I think.” She sighed as she whirled around to face me, cautiously pulling the cloth away from the glowing ice burn along her cheekbone.

“It’s gonna leave a sick scar, you should say ‘you should see the other guy.’” I teased, gently pressing on her shoulder to get her to sit down until she hoisted herself up on the sink.

Her lips upturned in a slight smile as she let out a little chuckle. “Except I’m pretty sure she looks a whole lot better than me.”

“Not whenever she made an ass of herself.” I spoke, eyebrows drawing together in a look of concentration as I stole the warm cloth from her hands to press to her cheekbone instead. Ellie hissed a bit in pain, curling her hands around the counter of the sink with a shuddering breath.

“Fuck, all this time out of service and it’s made my pain tolerance eat shit.” She remarked with a small cringe screwed on her face before it softened. “A-Are you okay? After what she called you? I-I don’t even know why she did it- that was so disgusting-“

“Els, I’m okay.” I confirmed, softly stroking her shoulder with my free hand. “I’ve been called worse.”

“You shouldn’t have been.” She spoke with a shake of her head, slowly and carefully the weight against my hand increasing as she leaned into my touch. “I’m sorry I- I should’ve known she was going to be an ass today after yesterday and I-I should’ve kept you from it I-”

“Ellie…” I frowned, my facial expression shifting into one that was slightly more stern as I took my other hand to hold the other side of her face with. Her green eyes were glassy, as if she was holding back an absolute avalanche of tears. So much more innocent than she would ever let herself show… except for maybe to me. “You’ve gotta stop blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault.”

She let her eyes shift, a subtle understanding between the two of us as she peered downwards. “It’s not as if she doesn’t have a right to be angry. Her- Her dad- He was a civilian doctor on base with us.“ Her throat bobbed as she tried to recount the tale with as much strength as she could. “Some of the guys that were stationed with me were… these disgusting pigs that thought because they were in the army they had some sort of authority over civilians though and took to harassing the shit out of him basically until they were forced to move. I don’t know why she blames me… maybe I guess because I’m the only one left she can blame. Or just an easy target.” She ran a slightly shaking hand through her hair. “I’ve tried to be friends with her so many times but she just isn’t having any of it and takes so much of her anger out on me I-I don’t know what to do.”

I didn’t know what else to say, I seldom did whenever she told me some of the stories of her past. All of my own suddenly seeming to pale in comparison. She was never a fan of the narrative that it was selfish to be so depressed whenever other people ‘had it worse though. It was her who taught me that bravery came in so many different forms. Nevertheless I let my lips press to her forehead before pulling her into my arms, being propped up on the sink counter finally allowing her to snuggle her head into my shoulder as she wrapped her own arms around me.

“It’s much too difficult to not love you. I think one day she’ll see that.” I gave her another gentle squeeze, lingering there for just a second longer before I heard the swing of the door opening.

Ellie immediately slid down from the sink, moving in front of me almost protectively just before Vi stepped around the corner with that same scowl on her face, though she seemed to be trying to hide it more this time. “So, you gonna lose the eye?” She remarked with a hint of humor behind her tone as she pulled the gloves from her bruised fingers.

“Oh uhhh yeah, probably gonna have to amputate.” She teased mildly before making her way towards the lockers. “Where’s Abby?”

“Brief suspended absence… to get her shit together.” Her words seemed to hold more information than she let on. “Sevika wants you to take the rest of the day off though too since you looked pretty shaken up.”

“That’s humiliating.” Ellie huffed as she retreated back towards her locker to pull out a simple grey hoodie to pull on over her tank.

“Els, it isn’t so bad, I mean we have club rush later on today anyways, you could probably use the extra time.” I frowned once more, always trying my hardest to be positive whenever Ellie of all people couldn’t. She was always better at excelling with that kind of thing than I was.

“I guess, I just… I don’t know. How I long for ego dissolution.” She voiced with a shake of her head as she pulled a Carhartt beanie over her head. “I think I’m gonna head back to our place and hit the showers but I can meet you at club rush later on?”

“Sure, just text me.” I added just before she slung her backpack over her shoulder. Her eyes briefly glancing to mine as if she was hovering, wondering if she was safe to do our usual goodbyes. The forehead kisses and hugs, always remembering to tell each other that we loved one another. She decided against it though, just shooting me a weak smile before shuffling towards the door.

“See you, Mills.” She replied, my heart stinging in my chest as I caught my feet briefly trailing a few steps in her direction. ‘God, don’t pull away from me. Please don’t pull away from me.’

Meanwhile Vi’s presence felt like a looming ghost behind me, the burn of her eyes on my back lingering all the while. “Come here.” I heard her speak up with a clear of her throat from her spot on the bench.

My eyebrows furrowed together in frustration in response however, my arms folded across my chest as I whipped around to face her. “You know you don’t get to just tell me what to do, right? First you yell at me outside to leave you alone and now you’re actually telling me to approach you a-as if nothing happened?”

Vi started at me long and hard, eyebrows narrowing in a way that had me instantly regretting my sudden backbone. Nevertheless I tried to maintain my best Kiramman face, slanted eyebrows and darkened eyes that probably only resulted in me looking like an angry or sad puppy. “I was going to apologize.” She finally spoke up after a moment, dropping her hands to her sides as she slowly took a few steps towards me. “I just didn’t want your back towards me whenever I did.”

I drew backwards whenever her body approached mine, my breath hitching in my throat as my back suddenly hit the side of a locker even though she hadn’t even gotten that close. “I’m sorry, for raising my voice at you. I just wanted to protect you.”

“From what?” I whispered, hands shaking as I slid my arms back around my waist as if trying to give myself the illusion of someone else’s arms around me.

“From you seeing things if they went south.” Vi stated, finally dropping herself down onto one of the benches that wrapped around the lines of lockers. “Now… will you please come here?”

I probably shouldn’t have. I knew it wasn’t smart of me and I had probably well and truthfully lost the plot. Her history with my sister was enough of a reason but the addition of the other stuff, the fighting, the mysterious death that I had yet to learn about but was too afraid to ask about. It was all such a bad idea and I knew that. But every aspect of love that had ever been in my life so far had been a bad idea.

I let my feet shuffle towards her, muscular arms sliding around my waist the moment I got close and my breathing hitched in my throat once more as I felt her pulling me right onto her lap. “Does it make you uncomfortable? Me holding you like this?” She wondered, hands gently ghosting along the ends of my hoodie as if she wanted to slip them up the fabric. And I think I nearly wanted her to. “You’re always shaking.”

“No… I just- I- nobody’s ever touched me like this before.” I answered before settling my clearly trembling hands around her shoulders. I used to always shake whenever people touched me, and still did if they were new. Partially because I never knew if it was going to be a rough touch or a gentle one. The same could be said for intimacy, I had never allowed myself the graces of pleasure before. The idea of exposing myself to somebody was horrifying, being so vulnerable and laid out so bare whenever they could choose to be whichever version of themselves they wanted.

“Never?” She spoke, the smallest gasp slipping from my lips the moment I felt her hand sliding underneath the fabric of the hoodie. Calloused fingers dragging along my bare skin nearly causing me to whimper at the goosebumps that followed.

“Never.” I answered, gulping an anxious lump down my throat. My legs shook as they were practically wrapped around her waist. I wanted to tear off her jersey and feel her muscles underneath again. Trace every line of her biceps and the tattoos inked on top of them, her hands sliding up my spine nearly causing me to arch against them. “Vi- Vi, this can’t just be physical. I-It has to be more than that.”

“What makes you think it is?” She questioned, and I almost whined the moment her warm hand left my skin. “I’ve been trying to sneak into that pretty little head of yours for a while now.”

“My head isn’t a pretty place.” My eyebrows furrowed slightly as I peered downwards in what could’ve almost been interpreted as shame.

“The dark parts too then. I wanna see those too.” Vi whispered.

The look in her eyes was too soft to be insincere, and I caught myself searching her face for any sign of it. I came up empty every single time. And before I knew it I was swirling a strand of her pink hair around my finger just before brushing my lips to hers. Vi’s grip around my waist only seemed to tighten as she pressed me to her. I could’ve sworn I even heard a whimper from her lips as I entangled my fingers through her soft hair. It didn’t last nearly as long as our kiss last night had, though I still felt every bolt and zap of the electricity that seemed to connect through us. My lips pink and swollen as she lightly drug her teeth through my bottom one just before I was left breathless.

“I wanna see you tonight… not to do anything I just- I just wanna see you. C-Can I?” It was the first time I had seemed to catch her flustered as she stared up at me with red cheeks, and not just from the natural chill of the ice rink.

It was hard to say no to the look on her face, so with a delicate hand pressed to her cheek I nodded. “Okay.”

~

“Boo!” I heard Jinx exclaim the moment I stepped outside, suddenly feeling like the hoodie I wore wasn’t enough to beat the chill that ran through me as I only jumped the tiniest bit. “Ha! Made you jump!” She teased as she pointed a long purple nail my way. “So, did you guys kiss and make up?”

“Uhhh… I mean-“ I stammered, my own cheeks suddenly a bright red as I caught my bottom lip in between my teeth.

“Yeah, you totally did, it’s written all over your face.” She laughed once more before reaching for a bright blue bike chained up to the rack next to mine. “Relax, new girl, I’m not gonna go all guard dog on you because you’re totally into my sister.”

“How come?” I wondered, almost afraid of the answer as I shuffled up towards my own bike.

“Because no offense, you kind of don’t really look like you could hurt a fly.” She chuckled a bit as she hoisted herself up onto the seat. “Going to club rush?” She added with that same smirk-like smile she always seemed to have.

“I guess… my sister told me it was kind of, you know, mandatory unless I wanted to have a really lonely next four years.” I shrugged casually before hopping up onto my own seat and peddling off behind Jinx.

“You seem like you’d be okay with having a very lonely next four years.” Jinx remarked with another little laugh. “Not that being in the ‘esteemed Kiramman family’ could provide a lonely existence.”

“Maybe if you’re Caitlyn, no, she’s always been the one with all the social skills and the brains and brawn to boot. I mean, she’d always try and find ways to include me but whenever she went to uni it just, obviously complicated things.” I explained immediately feeling my face heat up in embarrassment as I shook my head, “Sorry, I-I don’t wanna trauma dump.”

Jinx’s bike suddenly skidded to a halt nearly causing me to jolt forward as I pressed down on my brake to not speed ahead. Her eyes seemed to peer directly into mine with a look I hadn’t really seen from her before. Was it… sympathy? Empathy? “You aren’t trauma dumping, and for future reference if you need somebody to talk to, I’m here.”

My lips slightly upturned in the corners, hands squeezing around the handlebars as I weakly nodded, “Thanks Jinx, that means a lot.”

“Of course it does.” Her typical grin stretched back across her face before she lifted herself from the seat once more to venture forward. “Now… try to keep up because I’m a fast peddler… and a meddler.”

“I could definitely see that last part.” I laughed just before quickening the pace of my own peddling to speed off alongside her. And for the most part I nearly felt like I was getting at least a small part of what was mostly a lost childhood back. Racing down the block and laughing with your friends on your bike. “So, ummm… you’ve asked a lot about me- what about you? How’d you make it to the UK?”

“Pretty epic twist of fate I guess you could say, dead parents for one.”

“O-Oh my God, I’m so-”

“Eh, it’s all good.” Jinx waved it off easily, “My brain’s blocked a good amount of it out, a ‘trauma response’ or some shit, I guess. But anyways, Vi’s always been a beast on the ice hockey rink and rich people love a good sob story so the second they found out she was an orphaned foster kid with an absolutely adorable and tiny genius little sister the sponsorships started pouring in. So- she played hockey all throughout middle school and high school, I got into robotics and then her senior year she got recruited to Oxford. Then… a few years later I come around and sweep the rug out from underneath her feet with an engineering scholarship.”

I was almost stunned into silence as we skidded to a stop at a pedestrian crosswalk. “Wow, sounds like literal inspiration porn.”

“Oh, you have no idea.” She said with a laugh almost making me sigh in relief that she wasn’t offended. Though it seemed pretty difficult to offend Jinx. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. It’s not like we didn’t go through a lot. The foster system is hardly a walk in the park but… having a super sporty older sister helps.”

“And being smart yourself too… you have to give yourself credit for that.” I suggested shyly with a casual shrug.

“Maybe… at least mildly. I’m a degenerate, but a pretty brilliant degenerate.” She grinned, causing me to let out a little laugh of my own as we continued to peddle along the path. “So, what clubs are you looking to sign up for? You should totally go for drama, the professor who runs it is a fucking lunatic.”

“I don’t know if I’m necessarily a, you know, drama club kind of girl-”

“And do I look like I’m a drama club kind of girl?” Jinx wondered with a lifted brow.

“Yeah, a bit actually.” I answered causing her to roll her eyes in a way that only proved my point. “I mean, maybe, but I’m not like… going for lead role or anything.”

“You know, isn’t it funny how the people who say that always end up being the lead in some way?” She spoke in a sing song voice as she twirled a strand of her bright hair around her finger.

“Do I even need to ask to know that ao3 is somewhere in your browsing history? Or tumblr maybe?” I teased with a snicker that faded the moment I heard the first telltale signs of Oxford’s club rush.

I’m not sure what I was expecting, I guess I should’ve expected exactly this. With over 400 clubs club rush spanned a week long and nearly took over the entirety of the main quad and then some. It felt like a weeklong party of freshers and curious and bored upperclassmen alike. I absolutely should’ve been better prepared for the boatload of people filing in and out of the massive courtyard completely taken over by white tents and set ups every club had probably spent weeks working on. For some reason though I had a feeling no amount of research or planning could’ve prepared me for it though.

“Oh shit.” I cursed, immediately skidding to a stop so fast I nearly launched myself over the handlebars this time.

“Hey, chill new girl, before we get matching concussions!” Jinx exclaimed as she pressed her foot on the ground to stop herself. Her expression softened slightly though once she took a look at my face. Probably as white as a sheet much like the knuckles that gripped my handlebars. “Hey, what’s up with you? What happened?”

“Uhhh… umm, autism?” I stammered simply as I nearly scrambled off of the bike, almost drawing blood from my bottom lip at this point. “Ummm, so- I-I can’t go in there but- don’t let me hold you from it.” My words were a shaking mess as I tried to drive the bike away from the commotion. Jinx only chased me down like the stubborn girl she was.

“Well, I’m sure as shit not leaving you out here to panic by yourself!” She voiced as she trudged off behind me to find a bench before my knees could give out from below me.

“That might actually be the best option for you in all honesty.” I answered in a shaking voice, finally giving up before I found subtle solace underneath one of the large trees to prop my bike up against.

“Okay, what would be the best option for you?” Jinx’s boots cracked underneath the fallen branches as she watched me drop the backpack from my shoulders. Every inch of me nearly felt like it was shaking as she cautiously approached me. “Because if you honestly want me to leave then I will but- don’t just say that because you’re trying to spare me from something. You aren’t a burden, Amelia.”

I tensed at first whenever I felt her cautious hand on my shoulder, it felt like every sound was getting louder and louder by the minute and I had to fight the urge to not launch myself into her arms right then and there. “C-Can we sit down?” My words shook nearly as hard as my legs did, threatening to give out any moment.

“Yeah, ‘course.” Jinx nodded quickly, already kneeling down to try and clear a spot underneath the tree even though it was already pretty clear. It was like she was trying everything she could to be helpful.

I guess you could’ve said my meltdowns were different than a lot of the ones you probably see portrayed. It was rare I ever yelled or expressed anger, I never hit anything, sometimes I would scratch at myself or pull my hair. But more often than not they were silent killers. The uncomfortable shaking, muscles giving out, the crying, oh god the crying was more exhausting than anything. If I was in public I tried my hardest not to, though most of the time that took more out of me than the actual crying did. All I knew was to retreat. Retreat, run, hide, curl up into a ball and hoped that eventually it would pass. Even though occasionally it almost felt like the aftermath was one of the worst parts. The depression that followed, the shame, the embarrassment, the apologies to everyone else even though I still didn’t know how I would’ve prevented it.

That was the worst part of all.

“What can I do to help?” Jinx asked as she placed a cautious hand on my knee that I was quickly hugging to my chest.

“C-Can you text Ellie and Caitlyn the code word, p-please? It’s pineapple. I-It shouldn’t have a passcode.” I questioned through my quivering voice, feeling like my lungs were already sealing shut in my chest much like they had last night. I could tell she was biting back one of her funny remarks as she slid my phone from my hoodie pocket, and I almost wished she would have before the tears started to fall and I became incapable of anything else.

“Inhaler- I-I need my inhaler.” I practically gasped out as I scrambled for my backpack. “P-Please tell me I brought it, f-for fuck’s sakes! H-How am I so stupid?!” I whimpered in frustration as I dug around through my backpack only to be met with no avail.

“Millie, Millie don’t.” Jinx gently slipped her hands into mine before I could start lashing out at myself. “We’ll find it, I promise we’ll find it.”

“I’m sorry.” I spoke through the sobs, apologizing prematurely before I could get any worse.

I clutched her hands for dear life it seemed. The sounds of various students passing by only got louder, the levels of shame coursing through my body causing me to squeeze myself into the same little ball I always did. Retreat, make yourself as small as possible. My breath came out in wheezes, a slow rattling beginning to increase in my chest until it felt impossible to talk. Stupid, stupid, stupid Amelia.

“You have nothing to apologize for.” Jinx spoke, sliding a firm arm around my shoulders until she was able to pull me closer. “Lean on me, I’ve got you.” A sob broke through the cacophony of wheezes as I burrowed my face into the crook of her arm. “Caitlyn and Ellie are on their way, just keep taking deep breaths for me, okay?” I forced a nod as I held onto her arm and let the tears soak into the fabric of her jacket.

It seemed like only a few moments later I heard the rushed sound of feet on the surrounding ground. My lungs only getting tighter and tighter by the second as Caitlyn nearly tripped over her own two feet rushing to the space underneath the tree. “I’m here! Mills, I’m here, I’ve got your backup.” She spoke in an out of breath voice as if she had sprinted the entire way here.

Immediately I forced my hands out to grip the inhaler and shove it in between my lips, sending a blast of the medicated air through my lungs. Afterwards I still held the device in my hands like it was the only thing providing me comfort. Caitlyn gently smoothed out my hair with a soft hand. “You can do a second one, if you need to.” She spoke as I sat there still, holding the device in between my lips even afterwards.

Sometimes I think the person who had supposedly ‘knitted me in my mother’s womb’ actually hated me. Autism wasn’t enough, so we had had to complicate things with severe hypersensitivity in my airways that could’ve been correlated to a development of asthma. Every time I thought I was moving forward and not becoming such a medical nightmare however it was usually squandered by an incident such as this one.

“Thank you for taking care of her, Jinx.” I could tell Caitlyn was biting back her pride as she promptly took me into her arms. For some reason the familiar feeling of my sister’s embrace making me want to cry a hundred times harder. She was always such a quick way to get me to calm down. I always felt bad whenever she had to drop everything and come running. Now for the second day in a row. “My place is pretty close if you want me to take you there. Get you out of here.”

I nodded against Caitlyn’s shirt before trying to pry my face from where it was hidden in her chest. “Jinx, can you text Ellie the address?” I asked, grateful for the stability that was somewhat creeping back into my voice.

“Sure- do- do you want me to come too?” She wondered almost hesitantly as she pushed herself up to her feet. Her usually playful eyes now softened as she still cautiously held onto my phone.

“If it isn’t too much trouble… s-sure.” I nodded with a tearful and weak smile.

Caitlyn hoisted me up onto my still shaking legs where I leaned most of my weight against her. I could tell part of her wanted to carry me like she had done in the past. Like she started doing the moment she hit her growth spurt claiming she wanted me to ‘see what it’s like up there.’ I almost even wanted her to myself, but not here. Not around so many people. I couldn’t make things even worse for myself.

“No, it’s not any trouble at all.” Jinx said sincerely before going to scoop up my backpack for me. “I’ll get all of our things.”

[jrob64]

Slipping Into Your Heart

A Captain Swan New Year's Story

Happy New Year, everyone! This one-shot was written as part of the Captain Swan Winter Bingo event and checks off the box 'slipping on the ice' on my card.

@kmomof4 pointed out that my last posted story Drummer Boys, Reindeer and Romance actually checked off TWO boxes - reindeer and cuddling by the fire. I'll take it!

Special thanks to @hookedmom for her beta work all year.

Story Summary: After three terrible New Year's Eve dates in a row, Emma Swan decides to spend this one at home by herself. But when the handsome, blue-eyed Grubhub driver who delivers her dinner slips and falls on her icy sidewalk, she feels compelled to take care of him.

Rating: T

Words (Ch. 1/1): 6065

Can also be found on Ao3 and ffn

*********

“Don’t worry about me, Mary Margaret,” Emma Swan said into the phone, as she entered her bedroom to grab her purse. “I just ordered Grubhub. It should be here any minute.”

“I wish you had come over to eat with us tonight,” her friend responded a bit forlornly.

“I appreciate the offer, but I’m looking forward to an evening all to myself,” Emma said. She was a little surprised to realize she was being completely honest. “I’m already in my comfy clothes and I plan on watching the new season of The Great British Baking Show with some hot cocoa and popcorn, later.”

“I hate to think of you being alone on New Year’s Eve.”

“I would rather be alone than with any of the guys I had as dates for the last three New Year’s Eves. Those dates were unmitigated disasters, as you well know.”

“Jefferson wasn’t so bad,” Mary Margaret commented.

“Are you kidding? He was crazy as a loon! He showed up wearing a top hat, for crying out loud.”

Mary Margaret sighed. “Well, don’t give up on dating, Emma. One of these days, the right guy will come along.”

“That’s what you keep saying. At least one of us has hope.” Just then, the doorbell rang. “I have to go; my food is here. I hope you and David have a great time tonight. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Okay. Enjoy your evening, Emma. Happy New Year!”

After ending the call, Emma hurried out to the living room and opened the front door. Standing on her porch was the Grubhub delivery man.

Emma had food delivered on a semi-regular basis and met many delivery people, but most she didn’t really remember after she closed the door. However, this particular delivery person she had never seen before, because if she had, she was quite certain she would have remembered him.

The man standing in front of her was attractively dressed in dark jeans, a button down shirt and black leather jacket. He was about six feet tall and obviously in very good shape. After taking all of this in, her eyes moved to his face. That’s when her breath caught in her throat, because he was, quite literally, breathtaking.

The bluest eyes she had ever seen sparkled beneath long lashes and expressive brows. Attractive sideburns faded into neatly-trimmed scruff on his strong jawline and chin, and his dark hair curled around his adorable, slightly pointed ears. His other perfectly proportioned facial features completed his handsome face.

Emma realized he was smirking and wondered how long she had been staring at him. Giving herself a mental shake, she cleared her throat. “Uh, hi, I, um…I guess you have some food for me?”

“Aye, lass. I have your order right here,” he said, holding up a large plastic bag.

An accent. He had a fucking British accent.

Once again, she had to remind herself to speak. “Thank you. I, uh…oh, hang on a second. Let me get you a tip.”

She took the bag from him and set it on the floor beside her. Digging inside her purse, she pulled out her wallet. “I should give you extra for coming out on New Year’s Eve.”

“That’s not necessary, madam.”

Riffling through her wallet, she pulled out a five dollar bill and two singles. “Then I’ll pay you extra to never call me that name again.”

He laughed as he took the offered bills. “Thanks very much. I hope you have a lovely evening, E.S.,” he said, referring to her initials from the order information.

“You, too,” she answered, picking up the food.

He gave her a grin, then turned and went down the porch steps. Instead of closing the door right away, she watched him walking down the sidewalk to his car. Just as she began to swing the door shut, she heard him let out a yelp and looked out to see his feet fly out from under him. His arms flailed as he attempted to keep his balance, but it didn’t help. He fell hard on his back, his head thankfully missing the concrete and landing in her snow-covered yard.

“Oh my gosh!” Emma exclaimed, dropping the bag of food, flying out the door, and rushing quickly but carefully to where he lay moaning. “Are you alright?”

He sat up slowly, brushing the snow out of his hair with one hand, while the other rubbed the small of his back. “I think so?” he answered unconvincingly.

“I’m so sorry! I shoveled the snow so the sidewalk would be clear for you, but didn’t notice the ice underneath.”

“It’s okay, lass,” he said, though the grimace on his face told a different story.

“Here, let me help you up.” She offered him her hand and began tugging. He had just gotten his feet under him, when she slipped and fell on top of him.

“Bloody hell,” he groaned.

“I am very, very sorry,” Emma apologized, then dropped her head to his sternum and burst into laughter. She was relieved to hear his answering chuckle.

When she got herself under control, she managed to get to her feet and looked down at him. He lay there smiling up at her. “I better give you a bigger tip to help cover your medical bills,” she quipped.

He rolled over and got to his knees, then cautiously pushed himself to his feet. Standing in the snow beside the slick sidewalk, he tilted his head from side to side, both hands on his back. “That won’t be necessary, Love. I appear to be in one piece.”

“At least let me get you an ice pack to put on your back while you drive to your next delivery.”

“You don’t need to go to that trouble, either. You are my last stop of the night.”

“I hope you’re not too sore for your New Year’s plans tonight .”

He scratched behind his ear. “That’s not a problem. I don’t have any.”

“You’re kidding!” Emma blurted out before thinking.

He gave her a quizzical look. “Why does that surprise you?”

“I just…you…honestly, you don’t look like someone who would have trouble finding a date.”

“Neither do you, lass.”

She wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly realizing she wasn’t wearing a coat. “Look, I feel really bad for causing you to fall. Won’t you please come in so I can get you an ice pack and ibuprofen?”

He hesitated, his hands moving to his lower back again. “Perhaps that would be a good idea, if you truly don’t mind.”

“I wouldn’t make the offer if I did. Come on in.” She turned and led the way through the snow to her house, picking up the bag of food once she was inside the door.

The delivery man entered behind her, closed the door, stomped his boots off on the mat, and stood there a bit awkwardly.

Emma set the bag on the coffee table and turned to look at him. “I haven’t even told you my name yet. I’m Emma Swan.”

“Killian Jones,” he said, reaching out to shake her hand.

“I’ll be right back,” Emma said. She went into the kitchen, took an ice pack out of the freezer, and wrapped it in a tea towel. Then she got a bottle of water out of the fridge and grabbed the ibuprofen off of the counter. That’s when she had second thoughts about her decision to ask him in. Sure, he was incredibly handsome and seemed very nice, but criminals could be handsome and deceptively nice, too.

Peeking around the corner of the door frame, she saw that he was still standing on the small rug in the entryway, shifting from foot to foot. Surely, if he were inclined to commit some sort of crime, he would have taken advantage of her being out of sight.

She walked back into the living room. “You can take off your coat and sit down, if you like.”

“I don’t want to drip water across your floor.”

Emma pointed to the shoes on her feet. “If I didn’t worry about it, you shouldn’t either. But if it makes you feel better, you can take off your boots and leave them on the rug.”

He toed them off, then unzipped his coat and removed it.

She set the water bottle and ibuprofen on the table beside the sack of food and sat down on the couch, gesturing for him to sit on the other end. Once he did, he shook out a couple of pills from the bottle and took a swig of water. Then she handed him the ice, which he placed on his lower back.

After sitting in silence for several moments, she leaned forward and pulled the food towards herself. “I ordered enough food for several people because I was feeling self-indulgent. Are you hungry?”

“I couldn’t possibly ask you to…”

“You didn’t ask me, I offered. I’ll go get a couple of plates.”

As they ate, they made small talk about mundane subjects.

“Is the ice helping your back?” she asked.

“Aye, a bit. I think I just twisted it when I fell.”

“I’m very glad you didn’t hit your head on the concrete.”

“Me, too.”

“If the ice pack isn’t cold anymore, I’ll get you another one. I have plenty. I have to keep a lot on hand because of my job.”

“Are you a professional kickboxer or something?”

She laughed. “No, but close. I’m a bail bondsperson who doubles as a bounty hunter, when necessary.”

He whistled lowly. “You must be a tough lass. How did you get into that particular profession?”

“It’s a long story.”

“My schedule is pretty clear, but if you aren’t comfortable talking about it with a total stranger…”

“You stopped being a total stranger when you told me your name,” she pointed out.

He grinned and she felt her insides melting at how it made his already handsome face even more gorgeous.

“I’ll tell you on one condition - that you promise not to pity me.”

“Ah, so it’s a story of tragedy.”

She shrugged. “I guess you could say that.”

“In that case, I promise not to pity you. However, if you want, I can reciprocate by sharing my own tragic story.”

“What better way to spend New Year’s Eve than depressing the person we just met?”

“Indeed,” he said, grinning again.

Emma took a deep breath and began telling her story. “I grew up without a family. I don’t know why my parents gave me up at birth, but they did. I was placed in foster care as an infant and stayed with one family for three years. Just as they were initiating adoption proceedings, they found out they were having a baby of ‘their own’.” She framed the last two words with air quotes. “So they decided they didn’t need to adopt me. I was put back into the system and by the time I was seven, I was labeled emotionally troubled.”

“It’s no wonder, after being taken from the only home you ever knew,” Killian commented.

“I know, right? Anyway, I was moved to different foster homes pretty frequently and was never considered for adoption again. I ran away from my last placement when I was sixteen and got caught shoplifting a couple of months later. They sent me to a juvenile detention center that specialized in vocational training. When I took one of those assessments that’s supposed to match your interests to a career, it said I was most suited for a job in law enforcement, which I thought was absolutely ridiculous.”

She paused to take a drink of her soda. “Then this really tough counselor named Cleo took an interest in me and told me I was wasting my potential by being angry at the world. She trained me to be a bail bondsperson and bounty hunter because I flat out refused to go to the police academy.”

“Do you like the job?” he asked.

“It pays the bills. Most of the time, it’s pretty boring, but once in a while I have to do a stakeout or set a honey trap.”

“Honey trap?”

“Set up a fake date with a skip and dress sexy. Once I gain their trust, or their lust, I cuff them and take them in.”

“Ah, I see.”

She dug her fork into the container of pork lo mein and put it in her mouth. After chewing and swallowing, she continued. “Sometimes I wish I went to the academy, instead of being so damn stubborn.”

“It’s not too late,” Killian observed. “Perhaps you could look into it.”

“Yeah, maybe. I’ve been thinking about it more often lately.” After taking another swig of pop, she asked, “So what’s your tragic backstory?”

“I moved to America with my mother and brother nine years ago, when I was seventeen. Mum was battling cancer and we found a treatment center that seemed more promising than any place in England.”

“Did the treatment work?”

“In a manner of speaking. It gave us more time with her than we would have had, if we hadn’t moved. Her prognosis was less than two years in England. She outlived that by nearly seven years. We had to be sponsored by her cousin in New Hampshire, since her medical visa expired.”

“Did she pass away recently?”

“Aye. Five months ago.”

Emma reached over to place her hand on top of his. “I’m sorry, Killian.”

He sighed, then tried to force a smile onto his face. “Thank you. My brother, Liam, stayed here for a couple of months after her passing, but then he moved back to England. I remained behind because there are still some things I need to do to settle Mum’s affairs.”

“Will you go back home after you do that?”

“I haven’t decided yet. I’m not sure I think of England as home anymore. Liam is there, but he has a girlfriend, Elsa, whom he met online three years ago. They’ve visited back and forth with each other several times. They’re very serious and are discussing moving in together, so even if I move back, I’ll have to find a flat and a job. I already have a place to live here. We’ve been renting a house in the suburbs since we came over. The landlord is a very kind man who is like family now.”

“Do you have a job? Besides driving for Grubhub, I mean?”

“I work down at the docks, helping to maintain the piers.”

“Do you like it?”

“Aye. I’ve always loved being around the water.”

They both continued eating, before Emma asked another question. “You, um…you didn’t mention a father.”

“He’s not worth mentioning. I was six when he left, so I don’t remember much about him or what happened. Liam was ten and he is pretty sure Da left Mum for someone else. He never sent us any money or attempted to see us.”

“Oh, wow. So your mom had to raise you by herself?”

“Aye, she did, but she never complained or spoke even one harsh word against our father. She said she couldn’t be angry or bitter toward him because he gave her the two greatest treasures of her life.”

“She sounds like a wonderful person.”

“That she was. She deserved so much better.”

They were quiet for a few minutes, thinking about everything they just shared with each other as they finished eating.

Finally, Killian broke the silence. “So tell me, lass. How does it happen that you are home by yourself on New Year’s Eve?”

“I’ve had horrible dates the last three years and I didn’t want to increase the streak to four.”

“Do you mind me asking what made them so horrible?”

She laughed humorlessly. “Three years ago, I was with a guy I had been dating for several months. I thought things were going well all that time. Just before midnight, he proceeded to break up with me, saying he wasn’t happy and felt trapped in our relationship. So while everyone was kissing once the new year arrived, I was by myself, crying in a corner of the room.”

“What a complete arse,” Killian commented, an angry edge to his voice.

“Yeah, he really was. I didn’t date again for nearly a year, until my friend Mary Margaret set me up with the owner of a furniture store where she bought a bedroom set. New Year’s Eve was our third date. He was polite, easy to talk to, and wasn’t aggressive. He never even tried to hold my hand or give me a kiss on our dates.”

“Sounds like a perfect gentleman who was letting you set the pace.”

“That’s what I thought, too.”

“What happened?”

“About halfway through the night, he disappeared. We were all at our friend Regina’s house, and when I started asking people if they had seen him, everyone said they hadn’t. It was a pretty big party with close to forty people, so it took me a while to finally realize he wasn’t anywhere to be found downstairs. That’s when I decided to check the bedrooms upstairs.”

“Oh, no. Don’t tell me you found him with another woman.”

“Well, I did find him…but not with another woman.”

“Who was he…” Killian began, then realization set in. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Nope, not kidding. That explained why he wasn’t in any hurry to show me any kind of affection.”

“Wow,” he commented simply. “I wonder why he agreed to go out with a woman in the first place, if that was his inclination.”

“I don’t know. I didn’t stick around to find out. I still haven’t let Mary Margaret hear the end of it, and if she even hints that she wants to set me up with someone…”

“I’m sure you shut that down very quickly.”

“Yep. Which brings us to last year.”

“I can’t imagine it being much worse than the previous two.”

“It wasn’t, but it was still bad. This time, my friend Ruby set me up with a guy she knew. I should have known better, because Ruby is a bit off-the-wall. I mean, I love her, but she is very quirky. Anyway, this guy shows up wearing an orange top hat.”

Killian started laughing. “Did he have the matching tuxedo? Perhaps he was a big fan of Dumb and Dumber.”

Emma joined in the laughter. “No orange tux, but he definitely would have fit right into that movie. We were at Regina’s again and he found out she had a sewing machine and a basket full of material. He spent a couple of hours sewing the scraps together to make this sort of shawl thing. Then he brought it out to the party and performed some sort of dance with it, waving it around like he was a bullfighter. It was the most bizarre thing I’ve ever witnessed.”

“I take it you won’t let Ruby try to set you up, either?”

“You got that right.”

“I can certainly understand your reluctance to have another New Year’s date.”

“Which is why I’m home by myself, indulging in copious amounts of Chinese food and binge watching The Great British Baking Show.”

“Is the new season out?” he asked with a note of excitement.

“Yeah, it’s been out for a couple of months but I don’t like to watch it one episode at a time. I hate having to wait a whole week.”

“I can understand that.”

“You like that show, too, I take it?”

“Aye. It was one of Mum’s favorites and we always watched it together. I won’t get to see it this year, though. I’ve been canceling some subscriptions, and Netflix was one of them.”

Emma opened her mouth to tell him he could stay and watch it with her, but before the words came out, she had second thoughts. She didn’t want to give him the idea that she was coming on to him.

As she watched him putting another spoonful of fried rice on his plate, she began debating with herself. The poor guy hurt his back because of her negligence, but he didn’t have any hard feelings. Having him for company was better than spending the entire evening alone, and she was truly enjoying their conversation. Plus, she told him she would be watching one of his favorite shows, so not inviting him to stay and watch it with her would be rude. Wouldn’t it?

“Swan?” His voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Hmm?”

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“Oh, uh…I was thinking that you could, um…that is, if you want to, you could watch the show with me.”

“I wasn’t fishing for an invitation…”

“I know, and please don’t feel pressured to accept. I just wanted you to know that you’re welcome to stay.”

“That’s very kind of you, Emma, but I don’t want to infringe on your evening.”

“I was looking forward to having a relaxing evening at home instead of dressing up and going out, but I’m okay with you being here. As long as you don’t mind seeing me in my oldest, comfiest sweats.”

“You still look quite fetching,” he grinned. “In all honesty, I was dreading spending the evening by myself, especially since it’s my first New Year’s Eve without Mum. Perhaps slipping on the ice was a fortunate turn of events.”

“Your back may not agree,” she quipped. Plucking the remote from the coffee table, she powered on the television and brought up Netflix. “Make yourself comfortable. My plan was to watch the first three episodes, then make popcorn and hot chocolate. Sound good?”

“Sounds perfect,” he said, following her lead and propping his feet on the coffee table.

“Oh, wait. Before we start, I’ll get you a fresh ice pack,” she said, hopping up and holding out her hand for the melted one.

When she came back, he took the new one from her, commenting, “You’re a very good caregiver, Swan.”

“Thanks, Jones,” she replied with a smirk.

“Apologies. I’m used to referring to my coworkers by their last names.”

“There’s no need to apologize. I have no issue with being called by my last name.”

“It fits you.”

“Thanks. I picked it myself.”

He scrutinized her with a raised brow. “Truly?”

“Yeah. After I ran away, I didn’t want to be tracked down by my last name, so I started calling myself Emma Swan. I had it changed officially once I was older and had enough money to pay for it.”

“How did you come up with Swan?”

“From the Ugly Duckling. I always liked that story and could relate to that poor little duck nobody wanted.”

 “But it transforms into a lovely swan, just like you did.”

“I don’t know about that, but I’m happy I didn’t have to keep the name CPS came up with for me. It never felt right to me.” While she was talking, she was flipping through the options on Netflix to find The Great British Baking Show. Clicking on it, she said, “I haven’t missed a single season of this show. The contestants always astound me with the stuff they bake.”

“Aye, me as well. Are you a baker yourself, Swan?”

“Pfft, far from it. I tried to make a cake once and failed miserably. And it was from a box! Apparently it’s important to read the directions. Who knew?”

Killian laughed. “Perhaps you’ll try again someday.”

“Maybe. In the meantime, I’m going to watch twelve people do amazing things and then get kicked off one by one because what they spent hours baking wasn’t perfect.”

“Do you ever choose a favorite contestant?”

“Every time.”

“Is it ever the eventual champion?”

“Never.”

He laughed again. “Same with me. Mum, on the other hand, had a knack for selecting the person who either won it or at least got into the top three.”

“She must have known a lot about baking.”

“Not really. I think she was just lucky.”

Emma clicked on the episode and they settled in to watch, laughing at the co-hosts and making bets on who would be Star Baker and who would be the first to leave the tent. When Killian was right on both counts, he thrust his arms up in the air, exclaiming, “Yes!”

“You must have inherited your mother’s knack,” Emma observed.

“Perhaps she was whispering in my ear,” he said, a slightly sad smile on his face.

She reached over to pat him on the knee. “She probably was.”

Before they started the next episode, Killian asked, “Would you please direct me to your bathroom?”

“Sure.” She turned in her seat and pointed behind them. “Down the hall, first door on the left.”

“Thank you,” he said, standing and stretching.

As he twisted at the waist, Emma asked, “How does your back feel?”

“Not bad. I think the ice packs and ibuprofen helped.”

“Good.”

She watched him leave the room, then took the ice pack to return it to the freezer. After that, she cleared off the coffee table, putting the leftover food in the refrigerator and the dirty dishes into the dishwasher.

When she returned, Killian was once again sitting on the sofa, looking at his phone. He didn’t seem to notice that she re-entered the room, so she took a few moments to study him. Now that she had a chance to get to know him a little, she found him even more attractive, because she now knew there was more to him than just a pretty face.

Finally resuming her seat, she picked up the remote again. “Ready for the next episode?”

“Uh, give me a second. I just got a message from Liam. It’s already past midnight there and he’s wishing me a Happy New Year.”

“You can call him if you like. I don’t mind waiting.”

He turned his startling blue eyes on her. “Thanks, I think I will.”

Standing from the couch, she said, “I’ll give you some privacy.”

“Oh, there’s no need. I don’t mind if you overhear our conversation. Actually, I think I’ll Facetime him instead. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen his ugly mug.”

She giggled. “Spoken like a true brother.”

Grinning, he put the call through. While he was greeting his brother, Emma busied herself with checking her own phone, responding to messages from Mary Margaret and Ruby, received while she was watching the show.

“Say hi to my brother, Swan.”

Glancing up, she was surprised to see him holding his phone up to her. A man with similar facial features as Killian, but with lighter, curly hair was on the screen, smiling at her. “Hello, lass.”

“Oh, uh…hi. Happy New Year,” she responded.

“The same to you. I’m sorry you have to spend it with my git of a brother.”

“Hey!” Killian protested.

Emma laughed. “Inviting him to watch The Great British Baking Show with me was the least I could do after he fell on the ice on my sidewalk. He was delivering my dinner.”

“He said he fell and you took pity on him. I figured it was because of his own clumsiness.”

A female voice came through the phone. “Liam, stop teasing Killian. He was sweet enough to call and you’re being mean.”

The face of the woman speaking came into view on the screen. Emma saw she was beautiful, with almost white-blonde hair and large, expressive eyes. “Hello. You must be Elsa.”

“Yes, that’s me. Forgive me, but I didn’t catch your name.”

“I’m Emma Swan. It’s very nice meeting you, and you too, Liam.”

“The pleasure is ours, lass,” Liam said. “All kidding aside, we’re very happy Killian isn’t alone this evening. I was afraid he was sitting around the house moping.”

“He’s been very good company,” she assured him.

Killian scooted closer to her so they could both be on the screen. “We should let you get back to your party,” he said.

“Yes, I’m sure Anna will come looking for us soon,” Elsa said.

“Thank you for calling, little brother,” Liam added. “We miss you.”

“I miss you, too, but I do not miss being called little brother. I’m younger.”

“And two inches shorter, so technically you’re little, also.”

Before Killian could reply, Elsa cut in, “That’s enough, boys. Emma will think all the two of you ever do is argue.”

Emma laughed as Killian said, “Happy New Year, you two. I’ll talk to you again soon. Love you.”

“We love you, too. I hope this new year will be a better one for both of us,” Liam responded.

Killian glanced at Emma. “I think it’s getting off to a pretty good start.”

She listened to them finish their goodbyes, a little surprised that his statement didn’t make her uncomfortable. In fact, she felt the exact same way.

*********

They were halfway through the sixth episode when Killian checked the time on his phone. “It’s eleven fifty seven,” he announced.

“Oh!” Emma said, pushing her empty mug and popcorn bowl out of the way to find the remote. “Would you like to watch the ball drop?”

“Sure.”

She quickly exited Netflix and searched for a channel covering the party in Times Square. As they watched the raucous scene, she commented, “I would hate to be in that crowd.”

“Aye, me too. I much prefer being in a quiet place.”

The ball began to drop. When it reached ten seconds to go, the two of them counted along with the mob of people on screen. It hit zero, lighting up the year ‘2024’, then it switched to another camera showing people in the crowd sharing kisses.

Emma glanced at Killian out of the corner of her eye. At the same time, he took his eyes off the television and looked at her. “Happy New Year, Emma,” he said quietly.

“Happy New Year, Killian.” Her eyes flicked down to his lips, lingering for a second before traveling back up again. Then, without conscious thought, she leaned toward him.

The touch of his lips against hers sent a shiver of delight through her. The kiss was brief and left her wanting more, but she pulled back before she could act on that impulse.

Neither of them spoke for several moments. Finally, Killian broke the silence. “Um…perhaps we should finish the episode, then I need to be going.”

“Oh, right,” she said, bringing Netflix back up. They watched the remainder of the show without talking, both preoccupied with thoughts of the kiss they just shared.

As soon as the episode ended, Killian stood up. Emma flicked off the television and stood, too, shifting back and forth on her stockinged feet.

He cleared his throat, scratching behind his ear. “I, um…I thoroughly enjoyed this evening - except for falling on my arse, that is.”

She chuckled. “I apologize again, but I have to say I’m not sorry it led to you keeping me company tonight. It was nice having someone to watch the show with and discuss it.”

“Thank you for inviting me to join you. It brought back good memories of watching it with my mother. I needed that tonight.”

They stood looking at each other for several more moments, then he moved to put on his boots and coat. She walked to the door, ready to open it for him. “Be careful going home. There will probably be some people driving who shouldn’t be on the road.”

He zipped his coat and tugged a blue knit cap out of the pocket, pulling it on over his dark hair. Emma found the addition utterly adorable.

“Well, I guess I’ll be on my way,” he said, stepping toward the door.

“Killian…” she began, then paused. He looked at her expectantly. “I, um, I hate to think that you won’t get to see the rest of the new season. Would you like to come over sometime to watch the rest of the episodes?”

A smile slowly spread across his face. “I would like that very much.”

*********

“Are you sure you don’t want to go out with Mary Margaret and David this evening, Love?” Killian called from the living room.

“I’m sure,” Emma said, coming through the doorway dressed in her oldest sweats, the same ones she wore exactly one year ago. Sitting down beside him on the sofa, she added, “I’m content staying home, doing the same thing I did last year.”

“You mean practically maiming the Grubhub delivery man on your icy sidewalk?”

“Why not? It worked out pretty well for me last year,” she teased, snuggling into his side.

“It’s unfortunate for you I salted the sidewalk, then,” he responded.

“That’s okay. One former delivery driver is more than enough for me.”

“More than enough, huh?” he smirked. “Are you saying I give you more than you can handle, Swan?”

Elbowing him lightly in the side, she said, “Keep it up and when your big brother calls, I’m going to tell him you’re being insufferable.”

“Older brother,” he automatically corrected. “And don’t you dare. I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Then behave,” she said, reaching for her phone on the coffee table. “I’m gonna put in our order. Same as last year?

“Works for me, but this time, I call dibs on the pork lo mein.”

She furrowed her brow at him. “Nobody messes with my pork lo mein and lives to tell about it.”

“Have they been teaching you intimidation techniques at the police academy?” he asked, trying to contain his mirth.

She glared at him a few seconds longer, then turned her attention back to her phone, saying, “I’ll put in a double order for it.”

“Grand idea, Love. I’m going to change into my own comfy clothes.”

She watched him leave the room, headed toward their bedroom, then finished placing their food order. While she was waiting for him to come back, she reflected on the past year. It was, by far, the best year of her life. She met Killian, fell in love and eventually asked him to move in with her. For their eight month anniversary, he took her on a trip to England to meet his brother and future sister-in-law. He also encouraged her to pursue her dream of enrolling in the police academy, where she was set to graduate in a little over a month.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Emma blinked and looked up at her love, amazed as always that he was hers.

Grabbing his hand in both of hers, she pulled him down beside her and climbed into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I was just thinking about everything that happened since last New Year’s Eve.”

He tightened his grip on her, running his nose along the slope of her throat. “A lot has happened, all of it good,” he murmured.

“Well, most of it. There was the day I got a flat tire and the time you came down with the flu.”

His low chuckle sounded in her ear, sending a pleasant shiver down her spine. “I was able to show you how to change the tire, and you nursed me back to health, so it all turned out good in the end.”

Placing her hands on both sides of his face, she put enough distance between them to be able to look into his brilliant blue eyes. “You made it the best year ever. I love you, Killian.”

“I believe we made it the best year ever, Sweetheart,” he corrected. “I love you, Emma.”

They shared a long, languid kiss that turned into many more, until they were interrupted by the food delivery. As they ate, they began watching the brand new season of The Great British Baking Show, pausing it to call Elsa and Liam at seven o’clock, which was midnight in the UK. Five hours later, they paused it again to ring in the New Year themselves. This time, their kiss wasn’t tentative like the year before, and they continued the celebration in their bedroom.

As they lay together, sated and blissfully happy, Emma whispered, “I wonder what 2025 has in store for us? It surely can’t be better than 2024.”

“I guess we’ll see,” Killian answered, thinking about the contents of a small, black velvet box, hidden in a pair of seldom worn boots, tucked away in the back corner of the closet.

*********

Thank you for reading, leaving comments, liking and reblogging, if you're so inclined. Every one is very much appreciated!

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[octuscle]

Goddamn dude you’re two for two, I’d fucking kiss you if Boss wouldn’t have my ass for it. He says I’m all hisSNDNFIDDN

Shit sorry, hard to type while I’ve got a weapon of mass destruction up my asSKSHFDBD

Okayokay shit I’ll make this quick ‘fore he breaks my phone. He doesn’t like it when my attention ain’t on him. I know you’re probably sick of all my requests but I really need this one from you man. I don’t want Boss to be my boss anymore. Or, not just my boss. I…I-uhh wannaAJSFHRI

AAAH FUCK okay I want ‘im to be my husband. Lock him down so I can always be his and he’ll be mine and all that sweet shit. Call me a romantic, or a whore I don’t care. My problem is, apparently our situation is “unethical”. Yeah he’s Big BoOPSNXD

Fuck! He’s Big Boss to me and all the guys under me but even he’s got assholes in charge of him and they’re already breathing down his neck for all the private meetings with me. But I don’t wanna leave this job. I love the guys, I love leading them and working with ‘em, they’re like family. So is there a way you can make boss above all those dickheads in suits above him? Or maybe just persuade them or make them more understanding of our—oh shit, am I gonna say this? Of our lovVEGEIDHHK

CHRISTONABIKE alright fuck it dude I’m sending this shit as is, just please help me out again, I swear I’ll do anything you ask for it. FUCK yes sir I’m putting it down I’m putting it down—-

This is a sequel to this asks here:

Dude, like I always say: Never fuck the company! That's why my supervisor always makes me a muscular employee at KFC when he has a craving for my cock. But that has not been the question at all.

It didn't take long for word of your affair to spread all the way to the board. And it only takes afew hours that you have an appointment with the CEO and the head of HR. To relieve the stress, you had another quick fuck in the bathroom. Now your suits sit reasonably well over your muscular bodies again, the wide open shirts show a lot of your hairy chest! You look great, unlike the two fat guys sitting across from you in the conference room. They've certainly never seen the inside of a gym or stood in the mud of a construction site in their work boots.

Head of HR begins his speech. "It has come to our attention, Jack, that you are having a sexual relationship with one of your co-workers and are doing so in the workplace." Your boss or daddy raises his hand, asks to interrupt for a moment, puts one hand in the inside pocket of his jacket, pulls out a ring, takes your hand, puts the ring on it and says "Just to clarify, this is not just a co-worker but also my fiancé." You can't help but stick your tongue down his throat. For a brief moment you forget about the two assholes in the room. But when you end the kiss and look back at the CEO and Head of HR, they both look changed. Most noticeably, their stern expressions have given way to an almost cheeky grin. And somehow there's the shadow of a beard on their flabby chins. And the facial features are starting to become less flabby.

"So Jack and Mike," the CEO begins. "You know that diversity is extremely important in the company. We think it's great that the two of you as a couple set such a great example of an open and colorful society." You grin. Your fiancé and you tend to wear black. Black suit and black shirt at the office, black leather at night. Colorful? Well… The head of HR continues: "We know it's not really your job, but could you imagine being the faces of our new recruiting campaign? Both take off their jackets and hang them over the backs of the conference chairs. Fuck, they spend every free minute in the gym. You secretly stroke Jack's bulge under the table.

The CEO is no longer so discreet. He stands up and sketches the campaign schedule on the flipchart with one hand. And has the other in his sweatpants. And his colleague is also kneading his bulge. The two of them are barely older than you. Certainly a few years younger than your fiancé Jack. The head of HR turns to you, looks you in the eye and licks his lips. The CEO leaves the flipchart and goes to Jack, stands behind him, runs his hand down his unbuttoned shirt and starts playing with Jack's nipple. A few seconds later, the Head of HR has lowered the blinds and dimmed the lights via the building control app.

After an intense interaction, Peter and Steven have given you the rest of the day off. You should celebrate your engagement. And the two of them have a lot planned for the rest of the day anyway.

Pic of your CEO and head of HR found @maxx-magnum

[dreamoonverse]

(I love the mob! Bucky POVs where he protects his bunny, but what if a turn of events he watches you take matters into your own hands….)

Mentions: slight angst, a bit of violence (choking), implied smut, fluff about it I think 😂

Mob! Bucky x Reader

(Not my best POV 😅 sounded a lot better in my head very short)

You were never really one to interrupt his business meetings. You kept yourself occupied as much as you could till he got out and you were all his for the rest of the day. Very few times you would find your way in there unless you desperately needed to tell him something that couldn’t wait. Of course he would stop the whole world for you. Nothing else mattered more than you.

When he first met you, you were very quiet. He as time went on found that you were quiet the talker engaged in conversation about things you were passionate about you just didn’t do it with everyone. You were more of an observer, pick and chose your battles. He did everything to make sure you were happy. Whatever you wanted you got, he always took care of you and you made it your business to return the favor but today…he would see how much you took care of him and yourself.

“No fucking way walker…” Bucky leaned back in the chair. He tolerated many mafia bosses made business arrangements but for some reason this boss decided to send a dumbass instead of face to face. He was not particularly found of him either . “This is the proposal and my boss won’t except anything less,” walker shifts in his chair scratching under his chin. Bucky rolls his eyes “Well tell your boss he can take my fucking boot and shove it right up his a-“ the door opens stopping his sentence. You walk in closing the door behind you. He is puzzled flashing you a look ‘what’s wrong’ he can tell by your facial expression your not exactly in a great mood.

You shrug just needing to be in his presence not feeling up to anything but having him hold you. “Carry on,” he tells the men refusing anyone to even glance in your direction. You walk over to the bar to pour a drink for him and yourself carrying both when you feel a pull on your clothes making you gasp looking back “Thanks,” Walker takes the drink out of your hand sipping it. “Your a peach…” he smacks your ass making you jolt slightly forward spilling some of the other drink in your hand. Bucky practically leaps out of the chair about to black out but Steve stops him mid way gesturing to you.

You moved so quickly to have your hand around walker’s neck long nails digging into his skin he face turns a shade “Next time you do that your fucking head will be smacking the ground…but if you like it rough let me know…I can make you experience all sorts of pain you never thought you could…got it…” you hissed before releasing he coughs holding onto his throat. “Get him out of here…all of you except her…leave,” Bucky orders everyone clears the room Steve showing walker the door with a shove.

You look down fixing your outfit avoiding his gaze. “Bunny…look at me,” he runs his fingers underneath your chin tilting it up to face him. “You were supposed to let me handle that…” he says. “I can handle myself…” your hands find a way to his chest playing with the buttons on his collar shirt.

“Mm but did you forget who is in charge around here…” he hands travel to your lower back down your ass squeezing biting his lip. “Remind me then…” you raise your eyebrow challenging his statement.

“I fucking will…let me take that roughness you have though…” he smirks biting your neck you tug on his hair “Whatever you say Barnes…” you half smile getting your anger out on something else.

[undertheknightwing]

I'm sure this is absolutely predictable of me but - your boy Gar and my girl Rach for "Send me a character" 💚🖤

The siblings of all time ✨️

Garf first 🐯

First impression

Oh baby boy. Such a sweetie pie 🥺 *watches Asylum* Whoa! This show is actually letting Gar have a character besides goofy sidekick?? This just got so much more interesting.

Impression now

So that was a fucking lie. Buttt.. if I wrote out my true impression of him now we'd be here all day so imagine I'm unfolding a comically long list of my Gar thoughts because there’s a lot. The less the show did with him, the more I got to over analyze and create from there.

Favorite moment

When he's left in the tower and just messes around for a few days. I re-watch it all the time. It's very relatable too, I get sad and unmotivated after a day without having people to talk to as well. Also that scene from s3 ep1 when he's talking to himself in his room, I love his silly facial expressions, and "nothing tops a Super" has been burned into my brain.

Idea for a story

Fic wise? You'll just have to wait and see 👀

Unpopular opinion

I don't think it's really unpopular but his hair is so bad. I wasn't a fan of it in s3 but s4 made it so much worse. I'm also not a huge fan of his suit but that's for "it looks cheap and plain compared to the other ones" reasons.. like the abs on it look like the kind you'd see on a Halloween costume. It's weird.

Favorite relationship

In canon.. I don't really know. Gar's character felt it went from "DickKory's son" level of importance to just "oh yeah that guy" throughout the seasons. Gar's relationships with the characters (besides Rachel) is pretty surface level imo, especially in seasons 3 - 4. But whatever Gar's relationship with the Red is seems cute. It changed it's realm color for him and looks to care about him a lot through what I saw in the episode. He's clearly the favorite child and I love that for him.

Favorite headcanon

I got one too many of those, but him being able to purr is always a great one, and acting cat-like at times. Empty box? That's his now. Left a cup on the island? It's pushed onto the floor. Nothing is safe. He might have left a dead bird somewhere as a gift too, who knows.

And just for fun have some songs that gives me his vibes: Shapeshifter by Brye, The Garden by The Crane Wives, and Wild Things by Alessia Cara

It's Rach time 🖤

this is more your territory so I'm sorry if it's a little lackluster 😅

First impression

Precious girl. So precious. Must be protected at all costs. I really like this take on her powers and character.

Impression now

Much like Gar, she got the short end of the stick in the show tbh. She went from being the most important to a side plot thing which sucks. She should have had much more to do in season 4 since they were dealing with her family.

Favorite moment

I like a lot of her scenes in season 1 the most. Her interacting with the Doom Patrol was cute.

Idea for a story

That's your thing lol but I never liked how they always kept her stories tied to Trigon somehow in any media so I would give her a more unique story about something else.

Favorite relationship

She and Kory were my favorite for a long time but I've warmed up to her and Dick's father-daughter relationship because of you. So I choose them 💙🖤

Favorite headcanon

She's an artist who prefers painting over the other arm forms and painted something special for all the Titans members.

And some songs for your duo: Protector by City Wolf or Calm Me Down by American Authors, they have season 1 vibes

Thank you Mundi! 🖤💚

[zalrb]

the summer i turned pretty 2x02 review

"Put this on" and she doesn't put it on. So then what's the point. FOR THE CHIVALRY, ZAL. THE CHIVALRY.

Oh, is this the episode they have sex?

Why would Belly know where Conrad's dorm is though?

Jeremiah didn't take the coffee you offered him but why does that mean you have to throw out your coffee too?

Ah, one Black/dark-skinned guy.

He is literally the best actor on the show so far and he's only here to be Conrad's roommate.

Exposition time: "He fell into a depression and was looking at your picture!" like who says that? If anything it would've been like, Ohhhhh you're Belly and that's it. Belly would be like "What's that supposed to mean?" and then you can be like "Nothing, nothing, just you know, it really fucked Conrad up when you two broke up." Like just make the dialogue a LITTLE natural??

THE INFINITY NECKLACE. Honestly, who cares.

"I know even though he won't say it" we don't NEED a voiceover here, oh my god, Scorsese can't be the only one who uses voiceovers properly.

How is it possible to care even less about Belly's brother and her mother when I care so little about Belly and this ridiculous triangle.

I skipped through this conversation because it's painful af.

I always find it rude when people turn on music in other people's cars lmao.

"Cause I'm always here if you ever need to talk." *suddenly starts talking* if it was that easy then why do this whole thing anyway.

At least Taylor is good at keeping up with Belly's lies but Belly why wouldn't you text Taylor the lie you said to your mom? Amateur shit man.

If you guys know each other so well wouldn't he know that you could do something like change a tire? And I'm not saying he has to know everything about her but they don't seem to know anything about each other.

The details on this show are horrendous.

Also a spare can only take you so far, you would still need to go to a mechanic to change the tire.

Belly, you were my best friend! WAS SHE?

This is the flattest argument. They're not even talking over each other, everything is SO contained.

If you hate yourself for forgetting him then I need more emotion. And he is STRUGGLING for a tear.

And she manages a tear when he's like you weren't there, you left me but her face is so flat, that's why I keep saying crying is about more than tears, like both of you should be DEVASTATED. At the VERY LEAST I should be getting Bellarke from these or from her and Conrad (ha, which I also said when watching Shadow and Bone)

I know it's supposed to have been like a while since the two of them have spoken but it doesn't feel that way so their resolution happens SO quickly i'm like why even there be a "chasm" in the first place.

How are Bella and Jacob better than this?

Wait, how did they get their tire fixed?

Everyone is so bad at trying to act natural around each other.

"You always could read my mind" I MEAN COULD HE?

Just because you guys say it doesn't mean we SEE it.

Belly! omg Nicole! Everything sounds SO fake.

Why wouldn't you grab something from like a gas station on the way? You're just going to hope for Oreos? Also Conrad you had to drive four hours from Brown to wherever she lives you didn't pick up supplies on the way?

*gasp* hot cocoa! "amazing!" i mean,, is it?

again conrad/belly are supposed to be matt and julie on the couch

or they're supposed to be ryan and marissa by the pool

or jake and peyton just being themselves

and there's just such a coldness to them. and i know he's doing that whole focus on her because he's suddenly serious and intense and it's NOT PLATONIC but it doesn't work when you don't have chemistry and are only capable of one facial expression.

of course a taylor swift song is playing.

they're trying SO HARD to be happy, like jeyton has great chemistry but i remember that one scene when they're in savannah and hilarie just overacts

and that's what it is watching belly all the time while conrad is just standing around being jughead or jon looking at daenerys, i just i can't. i caaaaaaaan't.

and i've just seen too many play fights

and the love scene, the lighting is doing the work and so is desiree because that's the song they use in leo dicaprio's romeo + juliet and also it's a clear call back pjo's love scene

but as much as i have issues with pjo's narrative so much about this is earned because there are callbacks, like i know i don't know the whole context of this show and of this ship but it seems like the only thing is the necklace whereas joey calls back to the time when pacey is like i'm going to count to ten and then i'm going to start kissing you etc. and brings it up IN dialogue then she whispers before the kiss, "my love" and belly's just here being like "no i know, no i want to" your voice should be different, it shouldn't just be like a regular conversation, like neither of you have conviction in your voices

"what is she doing here?" are you torn are you mad or are you just saying the line, sir?

oh good, it's over.

[atieflingtime]

GAME: GUN COWBOY

This is just the first day of playing on GUN COWBOY by CHE on itchio (: It was actually the first solo ttrpg that I tried out!

This game is going to take longer than one sitting to play through and it's really fun, so I definitely encourage y'all to check it out!

description: "GUN COWBOY is a tragedy, and will end in your unhappy fate. It is a game about the inevitable result of a life of violence, the return-on-investment of the violence which continues to define the united states."

unedited playthrough under the read more as always (:

FIRST DRAW: THE PAST: 9 of Diamonds THE PRESENT: 9 of Spades THE PROBLEM: King of Hearts

ATTRIBUTES: GOOD: 3 QUICK: 3 UGLY: 3 GUN: 0

THE PAST — THE WONDERS OF MODERNITY A triumph of science and a wonder of engineering. The new world is here on display. Look at it! It dazzles. THE PRESENT — THE BATTERY Boom, boom, boom! That mighty sound like thunder. There is artillery firing, but on what? THE PROBLEM — THE HERMIT He is a steward of the land. He walked down the same road as you, once, but turned away.

This town was always supposed to be the cradle of ingenuity — if there were anything new coming to anywhere else in the West, it was started here along the great screaming metal and men who knew only how to fight with their tongue than anything else effective.

Words fail, however. And they fail often.

No matter how gilded these men’s tongues were, they were blinded by their own insatiable greed. Perhaps there ain’t much difference between an old outlaw and these new snake-oil men. Big difference only in that at least outlaws are honest about the blood oil-slick against our hands, and have proper dust inside our lungs from our choices.

Nothing like these stuffed-to-burst men in suiting fabric ill-fit to the landscape. They just as soon throw a child to their machine as they would drink water after a hard ride if it meant they was able to get one more dollar inside their heavy pockets.

Yet ingenuity is still what they call it. Gilded shit is still shit.

If these so-called innovators were so above the rest of the town, why’d they not anticipated their so-called ‘lessers’ would have no qualms with piercing them with the same metal and rust that they fed them and their children into? Stupid bastards.

There’s a distant pop of revolvers even before riding into the town limits. The sounds of violence punctuated with the whizzbang of bullets shooting crooked. Ingenuity abandoned for familiar violence. No need to be any good at aiming when your targets are many. Damn those who could get in the way. This was for the people, not the pigs.

I wasn’t even a quarter mile from the first right proper building on the skirts of town when an old man waved his dirty hat in dirtier hands at me and Fern, trying to get me to stop. Fern, always a stubborn horse, refused to move further once she saw the waving. Fine.

“What d’you want, Hermit?” There was no courtesy in my voice, the gunpowder grit had worn sympathy out of my tongue. “Can’t you see I got business elsewhere.”

His ruddy face looked grim even as he smiled. If he were a handsome man when he was younger, he certainly wasn’t anymore. A glint of silver or tin showed in his teeth. “You keep going this way an’ you ain’t gonna have none more business, boy.”

“Why should I care what a sack of ol’ bones like you says?”

A sharp, barking laugh. “I almost turned out like you, boy, but I left that life when I were still young enough to have anything else to live with.”

My mouth twitched. Wiry, greying facial hair stabbed into my cheeks from the grim expression. He’d gotten out. He’d gotten out of what I stayed in. The lifestyle — or whatever they fucking sold it as now. The old West way of living that chews you up and spits you out alone and broken. Leaves you to limp into the darkest part you can find yourself to die without dignity or legacy. “You’re assuming a lot about a stranger you ain’t talked to more than a few words, Hermit. You ain’t know a think about me.”

“You all turn out the same way.” He put his disgusting hat back over his white hair. “You all die alone an’ overflowing with regret.”

Another flurry of shots echoed from the town. Rhythmic. An execution.

My shoulder ached with an old injury. “What are you even trying to accomplish, old man?” There was motion in the doorway and the shadows in the windows of the hermit’s home moved as well. “Guess not much a hermit.”

There ain’t no way to describe his smile as anything but malicious, fat and excited that he was able to possess something I would never get. “I said I got out while I had something else to live with, boy.”

White-hot anger flared in me. In ways I ain’t felt in a near-decade. “Y’know I started down this path all ‘cause my daddy just couldn’t keep his damn mouth shut either, old man.” In a smooth, terrible, well-practised movement, I drew my pistol and shot him. “Got shot dead right in front’a his family too.”

The bullet flew more crooked than expected. I’d aimed for one of his wrinkled eyes to get through the yolk of it into his brain and kill him fast. But why should violence go the way you want it to? It hit him clear in his neck. The blood spurted out with force every time his heart pumped. His wife screamed from the porch, their children and grandchildren running hard out of the house. The ground bloomed more and more with blood.

Dark, angry eyes rimmed with red charged toward me. “Don’t turn into your granddaddy, boy, or you’ll die like him too,” I said before I jammed my spurs into Fern.

Whizzbangs from barely taught marksmen flew around me and Fern, and her pained whinge when one grazed her thigh was the only shot they managed to land.

I don’t need anything from ingenuity. That old man needed to die.

I’d rather sleep in a ditch than get soft like a whore’s bed.

END FIRST DRAW ATTRIBUTE USED: GUN

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Since you were talking about games, I know you're also a Dai Gyakuten Saiban/Great Ace Attorney fan (so am I! I followed you originally because you're into both it and BSD hehe), and I'm curious to know your thoughts on it! 💖 Who are your favorite characters/relationships/cases/parts? (My fave character is Benedict/Graydon. Yes I have a tendency to become obsessed with minor characters no one else cares about, oops) Did you play it with the Chronicles version (I assume so, like most people did) or are you an og who followed along with the fan translation like I did? One of the best/funniest parts of getting into that duology was coming across Souseki and being like "if I had a nickel for every time I've encountered a piece of media that had an anime version of real-life author Natsume Souseki, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice" lmao 😭

Since they're two of my favorite media, sometimes I try to imagine how a BSD/DGS crossover would work, and which characters would get along, though granted the only things they really have in common are detective work/mysteries, an old-fashioned aesthetic, and some similar themes lol... I just really love both of them a lot 🥹💖 Ryuunosuke and Atsushi being the exasperated straight men to the genius comedy duo that is Sholmes and Dazai? lmao (also Iris and Kyouka and their bunnies 🥹)

I need to play Hatoful Boyfriend. I've played lots of visual novels but that one is still on my to-play list (I don't know how seriously I'll be able to take it with bird sprites instead of actual human facial expressions, even though I fully trust that it is as good as its reputation says it is, but I'll just have to see for myself lmao)

Hsjfdnvskdf ok so I don't know what keeps happening to me with TGAA because I love it so much but I can't seem to write proper meta on it so. I just keep reiterating how much I like it lol. I got into it a bit later - I knew it existed almost since it came out in Japan but since I hadn't played original Ace Attorney, I avoided it for a long time. Then I saw a playthrough of the fan translation Case 1 and was hooked. By that point, I knew there was going to be a full English release so I waited for that because I wanted so badly to play it through! It's such a good game.

Oh, Graydon was interesting. That case was really fun, if it weren't for the fact that I figured out the key evidence really early and I kept trying to present it too soon aojsbsidhb. Graydon as a character was great because he's exactly as he appears but then there's just that bit more that fleshes him out and made him the slightest bit more sympathetic while not detracting from his actions. He was cool. (I actually had an idea for an after trial fic with him and the Skulkins but I don't think I'll ever get around to writing it :/)

Oh yeah I flipped out when I saw Natsume - my whole brain stopped (this was before my BSD obsession btw so this was very strange to me lol) and I shrieked out "NATSUME SOSEKI???" and my mom from the other room was just "???". yeah. And then he showed up again in BSD and I just said "...hi Natsume".

My favourites are the Mikotobas! Both Susato and Yuujin! They're such sweet people aghhhhh they deserve the world. But I really love all the main cast tbh. Ryuunosuke is such a dork but there's real personality to him, Sholmes is the perfect adaptation of that character, Gina should get all the puppies and friends she wants, and though I have some mixed feelings on him, I hope van Zieks gets a fucking break at some point (or just keep friendly tormenting him. I think it's good for him actually. unlearn your prejudices and relearn how to smile, you edgy vampire man.). Kazuma's arc was excellent and I wish so badly we could've gotten a true reunion scene with less of the baggage... actually, thinking about Kazuma for too long makes me ill. You essentially watch him break in the middle of court and it sucks. It sucks man.

And Iris was a standout character to me because her archetype could've so easily been bland or annoying but instead she's a realistic kid who happens to be a genius and she's kind and gets sad and angry and has depth and I would give her a big hug.

In terms of case specific characters, I liked Haori/Rei a lot, just because her dynamic with Susato was so silly and she's a cool gifted forensics student! She's awesome! I want to see her again!

However, my favourite was Olive. OLIVE. I adore her and I adore the twist with her. God she's so passive aggressive. Like damn. Have I mentioned that I adore her character? If Olive has only 1 fan then I am that fan. I wished we had gotten to consult with her again, even though that wouldn't have made much sense... just because she was interesting to me and I would've liked to have seen her character more fleshed out.

I'd really love to see a lot of these characters again. I've seen some people talking about Kazuma Asougi Investigations but tbh I'd really like to see Susato Mikotoba Investigations with Haori and Yuujin helping out! It'd be neat to see more Meiji Japan and Susato continue to grow as a character in her own right, since she started that journey in Chronicles. Oh well. I know that's a pipe dream but still.

Omg omg so Iris and Kyouka was such a sweet mental image that I had to doodle it!

I bet Kyouka would really find Iris's inventions fascinating and love to listen to how they work and stuff! I think they'd get along tbh. The idea of Sholmes and Dazai ever interacting terrifies me. Keep them away from each other. Please.

As for Hatoful, I am biased but I'd say it is well worth a playthrough. Given you like both DGS and BSD, I'd say you'll probably like it. My mom (who has also played it) and I were chatting about it recently and thinking that weirdly enough, BSD gives us a lot of the same vibes... like it's nowhere near identical, but that kind of desperate darkness where the characters are not who they appear to be at first and everyone has a different motive for doing what they do, but it's also not taking itself too seriously and it's still kinda silly... yeah. Same feel. It's better to go in with no expectations but I'm thinking of making a post later about why people should play that game... it's still one of my favourites of all time.

About the stock bird images: I know it's weird. I know it's weird that they're birds. But the best part of this game - to me, anyways - is that for as much as it is a gag, the story leans into it so heavily that you will quickly realize the main plot only makes logical sense if the main cast are birds and the player the only human. Like, it literally would not make sense otherwise. Please play it. It's wacky, it's zany, the characters have a good amount of depth, it's mildly traumatizing, it's one of the best things I've played and I feel it's become an inscrutable part of my identity. I am still obsessed with it many years later. That almost never happens to me. It's that good.

Agh this was long. I hope it wasn't overwhelming haha. Actually I'm curious: did you like Olive too? And/or what do you like about Graydon? :D

(Also if you ever decide to start Hatoful, please let me know your thoughts!!!)

[angrysadhappy]

I like the soothing voice of the woman who introduces the listener to Midnight Marauders.

I imagine her as the white women therapist I see in movies, the cliche ones that hold your hand and say, “that was the right thing to do.” After a kid calls the cops on their crack addict parents. I like rap and hip hop because it riles my imagination; in their voice I can see facial expressions, their tones and pitches telling me the mood of my surroundings, the beats tell me go fast, get back, watch behind me— or slow down, take a step and watch the world around you, appreciate the things you have. I hear poems, and love letters, warnings and stories— it’s entertaining— it’s drama but at its best— it’s art. And I like it most when an album is a novel, each song is a chapter and you can interpret it as you want— not a soul can tell you what is right or wrong. It’s different from a book, wayyyy different form an audio book— it’s music but it’s more— simply it’s art.

I don’t sound very smart when the group around me quotes Kafka or Shakespeare and I randomly shout, “I SEE THE LIGHT” at any time because I think it’s funny— I don’t act dumb on purpose, that’s just who I am— and sure I can’t read aloud well, I should work on my stutter but doesn’t mean I’m a retard. Words on pages like mix n match, suddenly “misses wextler” is “mink sweater?” And I don’t know how I got there or what happened before because I read like a fifth grader and repeat my words. I don’t like messing up when I read. The only good thing I have is when I fuck up a lyric and my mom beside me says “it’s fine, it’s hard to rap.” She knows I’m not trying to find my place there, she understands it’s just entertainment. Why can’t my fucking teachers get that? Instead they send me to a different room and call the principal saying I wanna argue? Bitch shut the fuck up. You get on my nerves. Not to mention you barely teach; all you talk about is your nephew. “Man I fucking I hate this bitch” is something lot of your students relate with, it’s not my fucking problem if I can’t read chapter 18 on a book I fucking hate, “Tell me about the struggles of Bud Not Buddy—“ bitch go about you learn a thing or two and understand that us children. Hate to be worth something. My existence shouldn’t be a bet to greatness, you shouldn’t have expectations on an 11 year old?? Swear to god this woman needs to fix her fucking lipstick before she comes around me opening her mouth— “you didn’t do your homework!!” Fat ass mama with a flap to spew shit from. I genuinely don’t like her, never had a good time with this teacher. But I guess she was the reason I pushed forward to be here. I read better because I wanted to show her I’m not fucking stupid— I worked on my stutter just to be able to communicate with her— she thought she did a great fucking job when at the end on the school year I told her I grew my vocabulary, told that bitch straight up, “I know what discard means.”

“Do you? What does it mean?”

And I walked away because I forgot and I probably looked like a dumbass fucking liar. I didn’t know what it fully meant— I had an idea because I heard it in a song, she used spoiled food as a metaphor of her love for a man and used that word. I ended up asking the smart girl, her top student, what it meant and she said, “throw away like it didn’t matter”

And yeah that makes sense. I also felt like after everything I did and the end she thought my shitty cake was spoiled and threw it away; she didn’t look like she cared. But I learn a thing or two from bad situations, it’s a habit.

If there’s a lesson she got through my thick skull is was probably to never impress a bitch who’s so stuck up. I mean she probably did think she was better than everyone else— she gave off those vibes— but I meant more like, “don’t even try for someone who will see your efforts as failure”

I’ll make up a name for it since I wanna feel smart;

Ingratuldimende- ing-grah-two-dih-mend

•a way to describe an ungrateful person’s behavior

•insult to an overachiever

Ex. “Don’t even go to that party, you know how ingratuldimende Carlo’s mother can be.”

[rqlaji2]

Immediately before the second show i am on the hotel tv switching between the film fargo and episodes of wwe rivals. Latter had ads and the former didnt though so I kinda ditched austin bret for the last 45 minutes of fargo, even though ive seen fargo two times already. One thing on austin bret before I move on is they showed that clip where bret finally comes out end of sentence no when bret finally comes out and austin and pillman are backstage and bret is like ok fine lets have a mania match 🙄 and pillman looks sooo happy and austin looks at him like he is the stupidest son of a bitch hes ever seen and pillman is like oh ok sorry . Just all in facial expressions, so good. I love pillman so much, I wish he wasnt caught up in one of the worst angles ive ever heard of before he died. Im sure there are worse ones, just that ive heard of. I’m new here, I dont fucking know anything.

I was row 3 for this show, pretty much directly in front of linnell. I need to ask him if he was smiling at me forgetting the lyrics to fucking birdhouse in your soul or something else. Conflicting reports on whether danny was playing with a broken foot (show 1) or ankle (show 2), but ive always been enamored with his stage presence on synopsis for latecomers especially, hes kinda 😳 a little bit. Birdhouse second is..bizarre, I am aching pretty bad right now and I still wish I couldve jumped to the greatest song ever written. Moonbeam rays is so nice. Bangs is kind of rhythmically complex, awesome song and awesome that they played it, tune, etc. Man its so loud in here continues to be the greatest song of all time. Mink car song is so smooth, what a cool track. Marty triangle. Oghhhghgh dont even get me started on cyclops rock, it’s like the only reason I went to these shows. I’m just kidding id see them all the time if I could, but I FUCKING LOVE CYCLOPS ROCK, IT GOES SO HARD and I relate to the lyrics a lot and I literally TOLD YOU HOW TO CYCLOPS ROCK, AND THEN YOU GO AND TURN AROUND AND BREAK MY HEART. He did the original nixon line too which is so fucking awesome, best song ever methinks. I cant believe it took this long for me to hear older live, but it was almost worth the wait, what a cool fucking song, so good live. I wasnt at a great angle to see the Damn Good Times Dan Miller Balcony Guitar Solo but after it flans said “dan miller, the peoples guitarist” or something and I laughed really hard. Also incredible that theyre calling this show the big show sometimes . WEEEEEELLL

I hate bottled water so much but a tickle in my throat kept waking me up the night before. OH MY GOD, THEY PLAYED SUBLIMINAL AGAIN. Flans was actually a little far away but he came to the right for darlings of lumberland, oh god he was so close . Of all songs! Then I got to scream THE STICK at him, how surreal and also fulfilling. Dont lets start is the best song ever. Fuck, this famous polka had someone in the crowd strumming flansys guitar 😍. St paul fucking loves join us, apparently. Doctor worm is still the best song ever. Encore 1 started with istanbul just the two of them!!!??? They make each other laugh so much, I love them i love them i love them. I know i said spy gets better every time but this was the lesser of the weekends spies. I think he did the sound of the 30s bit last time at the fitz, lol. Did i mention that the end of the tour is the best song ever. SHES ACTUAL SIZE ON THE SETLIST BUT NOT PLAYED??? Also, im beyond just a little pissed off they didnt play bills bills bills. They did at the show i didnt fucking see.

But not to end on a bad note, I love they might be giants so much, I dont even care that it feels like my calves will never not be sore.

Actually im gonna end on the episode i got back to the hotel to was rock austin, and they had the clip where austins on the titantron like when your pager says 3:16 that means im about to whoop your ass, Or whatever tf and rock takes out his pager and does his stupid giant wide eyed rock look and turns around and does indeed get his ass whooped. Possibly greatest moment in all of television