#you should spin that freaky little priest in circles and then throw him as far away as you can. like a rock into a lake

[mars-ipan]

okay am back. in jazz band we get almost two hours of only being alloweed to play music so i get a lot of time to zone out and think about things that hurt me

the magazine thing actually scared tf out of mme when i read the uuhh. "he comes home aan d finds the magazine on the kitchen table" i actually went like. 😨. hit me directly in my deep-seated fear of Parents Finding My things and i dont even do anything like tha . if i came home from school and my phone was on the kitchen table with tumblr open id throw up genuinely my worst fear and you made that happen to hajime and i read it with my own orbs. anyway. scary ending. traumatize chsp ending

second option is sad because theres another Whole Guy involved. thats his friend. how does he think about this friend after he leaves like what is his opinion on him does he miss him ?? does he resent him ?/ >?>>>??? whwhat.. let him have his epic gay sex ffs

anyway either option leads to his dad actually beating tf out of him i hate it here. heres a blurry fanart i made of me picking priestmaeda up by the collar of his robes (i didnt remember what they look like) with the full intention of killing him. pencil on sheet music, 2024

hi chisp. sorry for the Feelings but also i’m elated bc that’s exactly what i wanted to capture.

the magazine thing is meant to be that exact sort of fear. when i was closeted i knew my parents wouldn’t hate me (gay aunts make it easier), BUT i had and have friends who are closeted for safety and we both knew that if their parents found their (usually trans) stuff it would get nasty. once in middle school a friend texted me like “my parents found my binder.” and my heart sank so fucking fast. i wanna capture that Dread that Fear. bc it’s one of the most horrifying things i can think of genuinely. on par with being found with anti-fascist theory in an autocracy like it truly feels like Your Life Is Over Now. priest au is lowkey a horror story about how queer folks are abused by society . because making art about that makes me feel a little better. it’s cathartic

as for There’s A Whole Other Guy Involved: hajime leaves the reservoir without ever looking back or saying goodbye to anyone. i think one of the things he regrets most is not making sure his friend would be safe before he left. he knew his dad knew who he was, and i think he regularly worries about whether or not word got out. he’s closed that chapter in his life, but he still finds himself hoping that his best friend is okay. he hopes he wasn’t too hurt when hajime left without saying goodbye. that sort of thing

and oh noooo don’t hurt Father Komaeda…. he’s so sweet he’s so kind and gentle he’s an angel…. he’ll guide us all to the beautiful light of the lord don’t kill him. he’s innocent….