#you should look at pug's dog

[slashmagpie]

Happy platonic Valentines Day, my lovely mutual :D

*My little old floofball puppy trots up to you with a flower crown on her head and plops it at your feet with a goofy grin*

:D

PUG DOG!!!! :D

Thank you Pug <3 Happy Valentines!

[minyard-05]

thinking about nicky and erik back home in germany and it's christmas and this year it just didn't work out– they didn't try and plan travelling until it was too late, nobody's schedules worked out quite right, so this is the first christmas nicky spends in germany without the twins. and it's fine, really, it is, nicky knows where they are, andrew and neil have settled into their apartment in colorado, just adopted their second cat, aaron and katelyn are in chicago, their residences have just started, last time katelyn texted she said she was thinking about getting aaron a dog and nicky made her promise to get a pug. it's a quieter Christmas to ones nicky might be used to, but it's all fine, really, it is. but he's got this weird nagging feeling at the back of his mind, his 'mom instinct', erik jokes, and nicky laughs but he really can't shake it. a call to andrew goes unanswered with a text a few hours later "at practice." neil texts just after "did you need something?"

aaron picks up, but it only lasts five minutes. he's driving, because they called him in for night shift again, on christmas, nicky complains, and aaron maybe even laughs down the line but it's still a thousand miles away. "they're sick, nicky, they can't help it."

"alright, doctor man, go save the world or whatever."

aaron laughs again, and says merry christmas before he hangs up. nicky drops the phone in his lap and sighs. erik puts a mug of hot chocolate in his hands and kisses his head, and nicky remembers he meant to send more of the german stuff from the market to andrew, knowing he's probably grown up by now.

"something on your mind?" erik asks, shifting so that nicky can sit sideways against him. he settles his hands into nicky's hair, combing through curls and tangles, and nicky sighs, not sure he could put it into words if he tried.

"it's just so quiet, you know?"

erik nods, reaching for the remote. he flicks on the tv but nicky barely notices, too caught up in his thoughts.

"i mean there's stuff i don't miss. when they wouldn't talk to each other for weeks wouldn't even stay in the same room as each other. i don't miss aaron trying to get as far away as he could from us, or andrew's meds, or when they couldn't communicate outside of therapy. it's just–"

"you miss when they were only a door down."

nicky nods, and he can feel tears pricking at his eyes now. he never cried over the twins when they were anywhere to see, knowing they'd only hate it, but erik knew him better than that by now. erik had listened to nicky break down over both trials he'd been brought in to testify in, had stayed on the phone for hours when aaron was in holding, when andrew was in easthaven, even flown all the way from germany when nicky himself was in hospital. erik had listened and erik had reassured and nicky was certain he didn't deserve him by now, but he twisted his ring around his finger and let erik press another kiss to his forehead.

the volume turns up, and nicky finally looks up at the screen. it's an exy match. nicky frowns– erik has never been much of a sports person, but then he catches half a familiar name on the commentary.

"–Minyard's recent transfer has definitely turned this team around since the start of the season. We're looking forward to seeing a lot more from the Chicago Kings this year."

nicky laughs, because it's like it's been years since he's seen andrew walk out onto the court, helmet under his arm, to crowds of screaming fans dressed in white and blue, and nicky laughs and he's really crying now, but it's like andrew can see him through the camera, because he pulls his helmet on and sends a two-fingered salute to the crowd. nicky lets erik pull him close and wipe tears away from his eyes.

"i'm so proud of them."

"you should be."

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

House Tour (not the house we wanted, but the house we have)

Fandom: Poppy Playtime.

Synopsis: Angel (referred here as "you") introduces their house to the toys after the events of the game.

---

"It's not much", you hurriedly tell the group. "And it's not very big, we'll have to get a bigger house as soon as possible, can't forget to immediately look for what's on sale around here".

You stop on your tracks to face the door to your house, hearing the others stop just behind you. Searching for the right key, you add:

"Also please don't mind the fact everything's a big mess, I'm more organized than that but last time I was there it was a week or so ago and I left in a rush".

"Don't apologize, Angel", Poppy replies back, as gentle as ever. "I'm sure it's not even that bad! And, look, even Kissy agrees with me! Right, Kissy?"

The taller girl mutters a quiet "hm-hm" sound.

"Nothing will ever be as bad as the factory, Angel", Dogday adds. You turn around to see Huggy still holding into the dog's poorly-adapted wheelchair, smiling in return. "Besides! You're here with us now! That alone makes things a lot better".

"You guys give me too much credit", oh, finally, you found the key! "I'm just doing what I have to. Anyone else would do the same".

"Li-ar", Mommy Long Leg's voice echoes. "No one never ever took care of Mommy when she was hurt".

"I was the one who tore your arm off, I kind of had to help".

"Li-aaaar".

You sigh, finally opening the door and stepping inside: "C'mon, everyone, it's pretty small but it should do the work for now".

You counted the toys one by one as they entered: Bunzo, PJ, Poppy and Kissy, Dogday and Huggy, a very bubbly Miss Delight guiding Catnap inside, all the mini huggies, all the mini critters, all the other mini toys, then Mommy Long Legs. More than 80 in total.

Thankfully the money you got from that case was enough to cover a house and finances and medical expenses for at least an year for every single one of you. You still didn't know how the court case against the remains of Playtime would go, but with all the evidence against them, it should be enough money for a lifetime, right? You would never be able to pay for everyone's treatment with your current job...

"Angel, dear?", Miss Delight calls. You smile, give one last look outside, and close the door. "What an interesting house you have!"

"Oh, it's nothing much", you put the keys in a small counter, taking off your jacket and throwing your bag in a corner. "Huggy, can you help put Dogday in the sofa?"

"Angel, I'm very sure I can-"

"You need to wait two weeks before you can do any big moves, don't you even think about moving yourself only using your arms again unless you want another emergency surgery, big dog", you immediately cut him off. Dogday sighed, Huggy happily offered his hands to help the big puppy. The mini critters mischievously laughed. "Same thing for every single one of you. Medical orders".

The house's clock pointed at 8:44 PM. It wasn't late, thankfully.

The toys all gathered around the living room, curiously staring and exploring its corners. Someone - Bunzo, maybe? - had entered the kitchen, probably just wanting to take a good look at this new weird place. You decided to let them be, turning the TV on and trying to pick up a channel:

"So, uhm", you mutter. "This is the TV. Didn't change much since '95 except for maybe image quality. We now use CDs and DVDs instead of just cassette tapes, but I'll show that to you guys later. You can grab anything from the kitchen, I don't mind".

You blinked, hearing the sound of your Windows XP computer turning on. Somehow, PJ Pug-a-Pillar had figured out how to use it. You would be proud if not a bit worried:

"You found the computer", you announce to the group. "Okay. Don't mess up too much with that thing, I need it to work. I'll show you guys how to use the internet later, I think you would like it".

Long Legs decided to sit next to the TV, stretching her neck so she could watch it better. The mini critters seemed to really like her, as they still haven't let go of her arm.

"Angel, do you think the news are all still about us?", the spider doll asks.

"Well..."

You sit on the floor so Dogday can see the TV from the sofa. Bunzo immediately jumps to your lap, making himself comfortable. You pet him as images of the abandoned factory covered with cops and investigators appear, headline written as "PLAYTIME CO. INVESTIGATION STILL UNGOING".

You sigh. Bunzo seems to look up at you, confused.

"Is that a good or a bad thing?", his ears move. You stop petting him.

"It's not good nor bad. If the news aren't screaming how the investigation found out how you guys were made, then we can assume the Prototype is doing a good job".

"He always did".

Everyone, including you, turns to stare at Catnap. He decided to sit next to the sofa, lying his back against the wall. The ceiling was too low for him to be comfortable like that...

"Mommy cannot agree with you", Long Legs groans. "Would you want to know hy?"

The feline simply stares uncomfortably at the pink toy. She rolls her eyes, muttering something about him denying the evidence before turning her attention back at the tv. You're glad these two didn't get into a fight again, but you still don't feel comfortable. Most of the bigger toys are sitting on the floor, with the smaller ones either using Kissy, Miss Delight and Dogday or the sofa as a sitting spot.

The images in the TV then cut to you, eye bags and all, staring at the camera and politely answering a question.

"Look!", Bunzo points. "It's mom!"

"I'm not your... Nevermind", you put some of your hair behind your ear. The you in the TV keeps talking:

"No, I didn't see any guards or cops when I came in there", you shake your head, tired.

"No security at all?"

"I mean, the factory is full of weird machines you need to use a thing called a 'grabpack' to make them work, but there wasn't anyone who stopped me from grabbing one and going inside. I bet even a child could have gotten themself trapped in there from how lonely things were outside..."

"Do you think one of the monsters escaped the factory before?"

"The toys, is that what you mean?"

Your eyes finally showed some light as you bit back at the word choice. You lifted your head, now more determined than before:

"If any of them escaped, they are either dead or locked away somewhere by whoever knew about what Playtime was doing. Or do you really think these kids wanted to stay inside that prison? They were fighting each other over what to eat, for God's sake!"

"Angel...", Poppy muttered. "You didn't tell anyone about the..."

"Cannibalism? Hel- heck no. You guys will be regarded as monsters by a lot of people if i do that. Until things calm down, no one outside the investigators of our case will know".

You decide to get up from your spot, much to Bunzo's dismay. You pet his head before stretching yourself, hearing some bones pop:

"The kitchen is right there. Bathroom is there, and my room is there. I don't think there's any clothes good enough for you guys, but we'll see. You must be hungry, right?"

You step into the kitchen, followed by some of the toys and Long Leg's head stretching head. Miss Delight excitedly walks close to you as you look for what you have.

"Well...", you mutter. "I have some snacks and food, but not enough for all of us. Maybe we should get some pizza today, and tomorrow I'll rush to the grocery store".

"... Pizza?", Bunzo asks in the big toy pile that formed at the kitchen's entrance, his head between the smaller huggies. "What's that?"

"It's an italian dish made from bread dough and topped with plenty of ingredients!", Miss Delight answers in her cheerful tone before turning to face you: "But... You have pizza, Angel?"

"No, but I can just ask someone to deliver to us. I have the money", you grab the kitchen's telephone, searching in the drawers for the number of that one very good pizza place your friend worked at. "Since no one here ever ate a pizza I'll just ask for five of each flavor. Might do the job, seeing how many of us are in there..."

You turn, lying against the kitchen's corner, only to realize that everyone was staring at you. Even Catnap had gotten out of his spot, curiously watching, and you could see Dogday's head as he was trying to take a good look at what was going on.

"You guys can explore the house, y'know. It's our house now, not mine", you tell the group, going back to the living room, telephone in hand so the poor giant puppy could be included. Another door was opened, and the mini critters and huggies were now conquering your bedroom. Good for them.

You sat on the floor again. Bunzo proclaimed your lap, and Poppy decided to also sit next to you.

"I don't have to eat, Angel", the doll told you, watching TV. "Prioritize the others, alright?"

"Neither do I!", Dogday replied. "I ate at the hospital, don't worry about me".

You roll your eyes and pet Poppy's head. "I know you don't have to eat, doll, but you, young sir, have to eat. A freaking lot, actually! Didn't I tell you guys food isn't a limited supply anymore?"

A mini critter screamed and something was knocked over. Long Legs immediately got out of her spot, coming out of your room with a mini craftycorn trying to chew on a blanket.

Dogday, however, was whimpering. He lowered his head and fidgeted with his hands: "Are you sure? You did so much for us, Angel..."

"And I'll do even more. I'll be your legal guardian if everything goes well, remember?"

"But..."

Catnap then "accidentally" bumped his tail against Dogday's face. The pup's eyes widened, and you laughed at how offended he looked. The feline pretended to watch television as Dogday stared at him.

"Catnap!"

"I didn't do anything this time".

Now the pup was looking at you for answers. Poppy was laughing as well, all the while Catnap's tail kept bumping into Dogday.

"Listen to what the Angel has to say", he simply told him. "And eat".

You were smiling. Never in a thousand years did you think your life would become this weird, but you were glad it was like this nonetheless.

Then you realized something, and crossed your arms:

"Catnap, you do realize you'll also have to eat a lot instead of giving your food to the mini critters, right?"

The feline's tail stopped moving.

"What".

[bubooo]

↬ rock candy

previous | loser | next

cw: unserious death threats

rocking facts :

the ladies are solving their problems!!!

noya will make a move soon

probably

maybe

it has been a total of 4 days since yn and noya’s argument and the roomies were at their Limit™️

yn and noya cuddled for a good few hours just kinda talking abt random shit until they both fell asleep in yn’s bed

they both missed each other. just a little bit

i find the idea of atsumu practically ripping his hair out wishing yn and noya would get their shit tg already to practically going all attack dog on noya for even daring to even think ab putting his lips anywhere near his baby sister’s so insanely funny

like he’s frothing at the mouth “you dare even look at my sister i am going to Bite You”

get a load of this guy maybe he should worry about his piss-colored hair before worrying about who his sister is kissing

↬ a/n : hi bbys how is everyone well i hope especially because the sillies are getting along again !! man i sure do hope they kiss soon,,, wait i have to do that myself? man,,,

# taglist : @eujoana89 @loveelylacey @walllflowerrrsss @le000xxgrd @punkhazardlaw @csbnova @jaynawayna @hyenagoated @lvtilzs @nbcvs @nyxlai @kazunish @dawnisatotalqueen @piapiaweee3 @kuroosmikasavolleyball @empress-pug-pug (send an ask to be added !! for my sanity LMAO)

[risoria]

I’m so goddamn tired. I hate it here so fucking badly. I hate it here. It’s 2024. We know better and yet we are pushing these ads and these dogs everywhere, STILL - why do we as a society love animal cruelty so much?? I will never understand.

I’m going to be brutally honest - people are stupid. People will not open their phones to google for three minutes before buying an expensive dog, that lives for 15 years - and media affects people IMMENSELY. Remember how everyone and their mom got a husky (an extremely hard dog to keep, because they’re working sled dogs) after game of thrones? How every single child got a rat after ratattouille, and how most likely a lot of them were abandoned? This happens with frenchies and pugs as well because they are featured EVERYWHERE.

”Oh wow its so ugly i love it ;;” ”Oh it’s so cute I want one!!” No. Dogs who need surgery where you cut their nostrils open just to be able to breathe a /little/ better is not something you should want or support. Animal cruelty is not something you should want or support.

This is a chart for assessing stenotic (pinched) nares in brachycephalic dogs. The open nares seen here are not even actual normal nares - this is what they look like in non-brachy dogs.

There is no other way to say this: these dogs can’t breathe. That’s why they make noises like little pigs - they can’t actually get sufficient air into their lungs because their airways are so closed. They are partially suffocating - every single minute of every day.

Here’s the reasons why:

- the nostrils are closed. you can see how hard and panic-inducing it is to ”breathe” like that by pinchig your own nostrils for a little while. it’s very common to have surgery to cut the nostrils open - but even if it might help a little bit they’re only ONE reason why these dogs suffer

- the face is flattened - this is why the tongue cant actually fit in their mouths, which of course makes the tongue constantly dry and uncomfortable. they also have teeth problems because, again, the teeth literally cant fit in their mouths. they also can’t cool down the way dogs normally do by panting - because the area in their nasal cavity where this happens is extremely small. this, together with the breathing issue, makes them extremely prone to over-heating and dying as a result.

- their soft palates are, again, too big for their mouths and make the dogs’ airways more closed as a result. surgery to cut this soft tissue away is common.

- their laryngeal sacculis are often inverted - think of a pocket of your trousers that is turned inside out. these sacs are located in the back of the throat and further obstruct the airways

- laryngeal collapse is also not uncommon

- their tracheas are VERY thin. That’s why breeding for a different type of bulldog and pug etc is important and thats why ONLY opening the nares and lengthening the snout is not the answer - if the trachea is the dimension of a straw, they will still be unable to breathe properly - and you can’t assess this without image diagnostics, of course…

- because these dogs struggle to breathe and are prone to over-heating they can have trouble exercising and this easily get overweight. The extra fat will collect around the neck, amongst other places, and this can pinch the anatomy of the throat and airways of the neck even further

- some symptoms of BOAS (brachycephalic obstructive airway syndrome) that people find ~cute and unique include:

-> snoring loudly and snorting when breathing. This is because of the obstructed airways and means they struggle to breathe both while asleep and while exercising/walking

-> ”smiling” (pulling corners of the mouth up) and rolling the tip of the tongue is something seen when the dog is labouring to breathe

-> these dogs often find toys to keep in their mouths when they sleep - this is not normal, they do this deliberately because they can’t breathe.

-> these dogs are the ONLY dogs who will be happy about having a tube inserted into their trachea while undergoing surgery. Normally you remove this the second the dog starts to come to - because it is extremely uncomfortable having essentially a straw inside your airways - but for brachy dogs they enjoy being able to breathe fairly comfortably and they will sit fully awake with the tube for long periods of time. It’s heartbreaking.

PLEASE don’t get these dogs and please call out advertisements etc promoting them - because we all know that they are already extremely popular and that marketing sells even more of them. It’s downright evil, and it’s animal cruelty in the name of ~marketing. Yes of course there’s a lot of them in shelters needing adoption - BUT it’s very important to know what you’re getting into. A lot of these dogs DO need surgery to be able to breathe at least partially, and these are invasive and very expensive.

This was just off the top of my head but here’s a link with more info -> BOAS in dogs

[dean-a-mean-tae]

Light At The End | Stray Kids Extra Member AU

You shine bright Brighter than all the stars ... And your perfection even in your mistakes Give affection even when your heart aches

Chan x Nicholas | Those are song lyrics from Alvin and the Chipmunks ;-; | I hope this was to your standards!

WARNINGS: Discrimination, Racism, Could be perceived as self-harm (Nicholas gets hurt twice but is okay with both), anorexia (different for everyone this is based on my experience), I think that's it

I realized I forgot to put warnings, and I am so sorry. (Update 12/22/23 9:20)

Nicholas Ross Master List | Requested: Yes | Of The Tunnel Part 2

"I'm gonna ask you something, and I want you to be honest," Chan whispered. His voice was loud in the silence of his room. Nicholas sat with him with a stuffed frog in his lap.  

They were in their spot again. The place Nicholas first opened up to Chan. The place where Chan swore to help Nicholas find himself.

"What happened?"

You know the phrase, 'Your parents are your first bullies,' right? They told you they did it to prepare you for the world, and it worked. You know the world is cruel, and nowhere is safe for you. Not even your head. Your head is clouded by judgment forced on you as a child.

"Why don't you talk to me?" They whine. They don't realize they follow in their parents' footsteps. They tell your business because it's family, then get angry when you do the same. Isn't that what they taught you?

Nicholas grew up in a world of hate and then got thrown into a world of more hate.

He couldn't handle the ones about his appearance. Why don't they like him? He's tall, has soft skin, has healthy hair, and is happy. He has proper hygiene and cares for his body as much as it allows. 

He was used to the comments about his talent, or lack thereof. He could handle the ones complaining about his spot in Stray Kids. Those were easy because they were true. These cuts weren't deep, and they reminded him of home.

"You did good in practice today," Felix said as he looped his arm through Nick's.

"Only because Minho hyung stayed behind and helped. I'm out of rhythm still," Nicholas denied, shaking his head.

But the ones about his appearance? His mother taught him to be proud of his complexion and how his hair grew from his scalp. So, what was wrong with him? Why don't they like him? Why can't they like him?

"Nicholas?"

Maybe he should get a perm. Is that what it's called? A perm? The thing that gives you curls or takes your curls is a perm, right? Whatever, the stylist will know what he's talking about. It was her idea anyway.

"When will you tame these knots?" The woman groaned as she brushed through Nicholas' hair. It hurt, but he wouldn't say anything. She is the hairstylist. This is her job. It hurt when his momma braided his hair, but it always looked good when done.

"What knots? I brushed and plaited my hair," Nicholas explained, looking at the woman in the mirror. She would be pretty if she stopped glaring. Glaring gave her wrinkles around the eyes and reminded him of those pug dogs.

"We should put a relaxer in your hair. The chemicals will make it straight and fix these knots." She ignored him. She kept talking about his unmanageable hair and how difficult it was to work with him.

Relaxer, that's what it's called, or is it both? Nicholas can't remember. He should schedule one. He couldn't tell the members. Jeongin and Changbin would strangle him before letting him get rid of his curls.

"Nick, can you hear me?"

"Did you hear?" Someone whispered, and Nicholas tilted his head. The mirror showed the two stylists behind him.

"He only washes his hair once a month. Twice if his members help him," She grumbled. 

The woman in front of her grimaced in disgust, "Could you imagine the build-up?"

"What about his stylist?" The first one huffed, leaning to hide from a passing staff. "Don't you think it's selfish making her deal with the dirt?"

Maybe the relaxer will help make wash days easier. Simple wash days meant his hair could be washed frequently. 

His eyes were stinging again. 

"Don't rub your eye so hard," Chan scolded as he yanked Nicholas' arm away from his eye. The pull sent a pain up his shoulder, but it's okay. "You still have your contacts in."

Contacts? Oh, the new ones he got from Nicki. After one of the members gave her his account information, she would put money in his account and order things for him. A sweet woman, she is.

For some reason, these contacts prevent him from crying. He likes them.

"Is this about the comments?" Chan whispered. He knew? Of course, he knows. If Chan knows, then Minho knows. Minho finds these things before everyone.

Nicholas still can't find the strategy in Minho's methods.

"Nicholas?" 

He did it again. He fell down the rabbit hole. He needs to stop doing that. Did he eat today? He skipped breakfast cause he had an early practice. He promised Hyunjin he would eat later after vocal lessons. He drank a smoothie and ate an apple. 

Technically, he didn't lie. Hyunjin would still be mad, though.

"I need to eat something," Nicholas said, more like croaked. Had he been quiet this whole time?

"You're hungry?" Chan asked.

"No." But he knew he needed to eat something. He was doing so well. He ate two meals and four snacks yesterday. And he didn't throw up. He forgot to tell Nicki about that. 

Too late now. Progress gone.

"I'm proud of you." Maybe it was how soft Chan said. Or it could have been because of the raw emotion in his voice. But a quiet, pathetic sound left Nicholas' lips, and his fists tightened around the frog. Gentle hands guided him to warmth. 

You would think he'd be used to this by now. Comfort through touch or even words. He didn't have that from his parents, and his sister didn't know how to be gentle until they were older.

"I'm proud of you."

There it was again. The phrase that broke him. The phrase that scared him. He used to think love was conditional.

But a genuine love, platonic or romantic, is unconditional, even when it hurts. That's why it hurts to move on or forget.

He was moving now. Where is he going?

"Go to sleep, Nick," Chan whispered. Oh, he's being carried. That's why it's so warm. They're going home? He missed home. He wondered how they were doing.

"Thank you, Starlight," Nicholas whispered.

"You're welcome."

Nicholas Ross Master list | Of The Tunnel Part 2

©️DEANAMEANTAE2023

Tags list: @bada-lee-ily, @jinnie-ret, @hwxnghyynjin, @foxilsdenn, @rensahazard, You can be added by asking in the replies, sending me a message, or doing an ask thingy.

[yanderes-galore]

Yandere Platonic Bewilderbeast being raised from an egg by a viking woman

Sure! I still need to rewatch HTTYD but since this is not a specific Bewilderbeast, I can do a concept. I still made Darling gender neutral though as it does not change the story I don't think....

Sorry if something is OOC! Hopefully it's not, I tried to keep it vague which should work as this is a rarer species. Most of it is HC.

The dragon was given the name Boreas due to me not wanting to type Bewilderbeast a thousand times. Also, Boreas is a male Bewilderbeast. I'd love feedback :)

Yandere! Platonic! Bewilderbeast with Viking! Darling

Pairing: Platonic/Animal/Pet-Like

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Possessive behavior, Accepting mortality, Desperate dragon not wanting to lose his rider, Cryogenic freezing, Vague if darling is dead or not, Threats.

Wild Bewilderbeast on their own are rare.

There's also only been maybe two cases of tamed Bewilderbeast for one reason or another.

You may have found the egg in the arctic somewhere and decided to take it in to study.

Upon finding the egg you placed it in a safe space within your home to raise.

Not many have seen a young Bewilderbeast and the egg seemed to have no dragon looking after it.

Taking up the job you decide to study the climate needed to raise a Bewilderbeast.

Since dragons and vikings began to coexist with one another, dragon studies have been conducted.

However, Bewilderbeast barely have any research done due to their rarity.

You spent most of your time sketching out the egg during the first few months.

Your home is near glacial waters on Berk.

A decent area to raise your new dragon.

When the spiked dragon egg hatches it wakes you from your slumber.

The moment you see the young Bewilderbeast emerge, you give a smile.

The young dragon isn't that big... yet.

It was comparable to that of a pug in size.

Other vikings wonder how you plan to take care of such a dragon.

Most vikings have something smaller than... well... a Bewilderbeast.

While things may be fine now...

What will you do when it grows?

To that you say... you'll find out.

For the first part of your Bewilderbeast's maturity you keep the dragon in your house.

The smaller dragon follows you everywhere.

His favorite time is when you fish, the dragon nudging you for food.

Due to the dragon's nature you name him Boreas.

Boreas was given his name due to his love of frost lakes and the out of control freezing water he keeps blowing around.

Boreas sees you as his parent.

Even when he became the size of a great dane dog, the size where you try to train him, he lumbers around you with excitement.

You learn that most of your training with Boreas occurs in the water.

Boreas has no wings and is a tidal class dragon, leaving you to train him in swimming and hunting instead.

You have to be careful as the freezing water would harm you if you were clumsy.

When Boreas was still able to fit in your home he was reclusive towards other vikings.

His species is usually non-aggressive, but it appeared he grew territorial.

The growing beast often grunted at you to stay in your home.

You have to ease him by rubbing his face, growing tusks not yet pointed.

He had to get used to people and other dragons....

At night Boreas would either block your home's door to prevent anyone from coming in or he's sleeping in the middle of your home.

It was a pain to convince Boreas he had to start living in the water instead of your home.

He was getting too big and probably needed to start an ice nest at some point.

Many on Berk heard Boreas's roars and whines as you tried to get him used to staying in the water.

Some would complain... but your journal full of Boreas's growth was important.

After this, years passed.

Boreas grows more in the water, soon towering over many homes on Berk.

Everyone knows him as your dragon.

A young dragon prince who'll have his own kingdom some day.

Bewilderbeast have the ability to control and provide for dragons, that's why they're seen as royalty.

The unfortunate thing is... Boreas will take awhile before fully hitting adulthood.

Even with him at this size... you had aged to your 60's.

You were coming to terms with the fact you'll... die soon.

Boreas notices how distant you become when looking at him, your dragon.

You reflect in your journal on all the times you rode Boreas across the freezing waters and cared for the young beast fondly.

You stare at the nest he created from the dock.

The spiked icicles glimmer in the sunlight... a beautiful sight made by your dragon.

You smile softly before Boreas sits in front of you, body covering your view.

"Boreas." You command, the dragon staring at you expectantly. "You are aware I won't... be here anymore, right?"

The dragon doesn't entirely understand your meaning but the grim look on your face tells him enough.

The dragon makes a groaning noise before sinking into the water.

He wants you to ride him.

Softly you get onto the dragon you raised from an egg and allow Boreas to take you to his nest.

The dragon places you on a platform in his nest, allowing you to sit.

The dragon then roars softly.

"... Boreas, why did you bring me here?"

With a soft growl you realize what he means.

"Boreas, you can't- I promise I'll find a successor to be your new rider. You can't do this...!"

Boreas has a hesitant look in his eyes.

The dragon refuses to lose his rider.

You can barely defend yourself when Boreas breathes freezing water upon you.

By the time the assault ends you're cryogenically frozen to the dragon's nest.

A frozen look of fear on your face.

Berk assumes you've died due to your age.

Not many try and attempt to enter the nest of Boreas either.

Mostly because those who try to enter are met with an aggressive and territorial Boreas, the dragon with no owner threatening any with death if they try to enter.

Boreas accepts no other rider.

The Bewilderbeast decides a solitary life is all he wishes for now.

That's what many on Berk assume, at least.

In reality, Boreas has a rider.

He has one rider.

You're his rider... whom he keeps in his nest for decades in a frozen sleep.

In the dragon's mind you never left him... you're still his rider and he's still your dragon.

[dilly-oh]

Lost and Found Family

“Come on, Pakkun, just shit already,” Kakashi sighs, tugging impatiently at his dog’s leash. The ornery pug gives him an annoyed glance, then keeps sniffing the same bush he’s been investigating for the past fifteen minutes. “Oh my GOD. I should have left you at the pound.”

Pakkun continues to ignore him, instead deciding that the bush doesn’t meet his standards and moving on to sniff at another, nearly identical bush. Kakashi wants to scream.

He’s still in his ratty pajamas, for God’s sake, with a vicious case of bed-head, not to mention it’s past noon, and passersby are giving him strange looks. One even tries to hand him a dollar, but Kakashi shoos them away irritably.

“Okay, enough. Here.” He rifles around in his pants pocket. “Do your business, and you get a treat, okay?” He pulls out a doggie bone and waves it enticingly. “Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy?” Pakkun just gives him a flat stare. “…Yeah I know it’s not you but take it anyway.” He throws it on the ground. The pug doesn’t even twitch. “Oh, come on. It’s not that stale.” Pakkun snorts. “Whatever. I’m sure some wild animal will come along and eat-”

And then a kid scurries over, picks up the treat, and starts gnawing on it.

“Um,” Kakashi says.

The kid looks up at him with wide, shockingly blue eyes, his hair a tangled blonde mess. He looks like a scruffy dandelion, complete with grass-stained elbows and knees. Kakashi blinks.

“…What’re you doing?”

“Looking for my dad,” the kid answers around a mouthful of stale dog treat. “You seen him, gramps?” Kakashi nearly chokes.

“Gramps?!”

“I’ll take that as a no.” The kid swallows and grimaces. “Ugh, this cookie tastes like ass. Also, I might be lost.”

Kakashi starts looking around for a policeman.

The kid suddenly scrambles up a nearby tree like a rabid squirrel and teeters out on an upper branch, shading his eyes with one hand as he searches the horizon.

“Christ, kid, you should be on a leash,” Kakashi says. The boy looks down at him.

“I was, I chewed through it.”

Kakashi starts looking for that cop again.

“Oh my God, chill. I’m joking. I did lose my dad, though.” The kid squints in frustration, still searching. “Damn, I still don’t see him. Where did he GO?” He glances down at Kakashi. “I’d ask you to look, but I don’t trust your eyesight, old man.”

“I am THIRTY-”

“So you’ll help me?”

“I did NOT agree- look, just get down from there before you- AWK!” Kakashi cuts off in a squawk as the kid pounces on him, nearly tackling him to the ground. “Good lord, you almost threw out my back-”

“Okay, boomer,” the kid says. Kakashi nearly walks away.

“Do NOT make me regret this.” He threatens, glaring at him. “On second thought, I already do, but nevermind that. What does your dad call you?”

“Well, let’s see.” The kid thinks for a minute. “There’s ‘buster’, ‘lazy-butt’, ‘Mr. Stinky McPoo-Pants-”

“I mean your name!”

“Oh. It’s Naruto.”

“…He named you after RAMEN?” Kakashi is completely appalled. He’s considering contacting child protective services.

“Yeah, but it’s cool, I love ramen.” Naruto catches sight of Pakkun and gasps with delight. “And doggies. Hey, buddy!” He actually gets down on hands and knees to greet the pug face-to-face. Pakkun is rather cordial and simply grunts in annoyance at the intrusion of his personal space.

“Why don’t you sniff his butt while you’re down there,” Kakashi grumbles.

“Are you gonna help me find my dad or what?” Naruto asks, getting back to his feet.

“That depends.” Kakashi quirks an eyebrow. “…He cute?”

“Okay, ew, nevermind-”

“I was joking, kid, get back here.” Kakashi sighs in defeat and pulls out his phone. “What’s his number?”

“I dunno.”

“How can you not- have you never called him before?”

“Course I have. Usually like this.” The kid takes a deep breath. “DAAAAAAAAAAD-”

“OKAY STOP. I meant with a phone.” Naruto just gives him a blank look. “…You don’t have a phone? How about a pager? Tracking chip? Anything??” Still the blank stare. Kakashi tries a different approach. “What’s your dad look like?” The kid shrugs.

“Like a dad.”

“No, that’s not- describe him.”

“Well, he’s pretty bossy. He’s always telling me to clean my room and eat my vegetables when I’d rather just eat ramen, and he doesn’t let me play Fortnite-”

“That is not what-” Kakashi has to count to ten. “What color is his hair?”

“Oh.” Naruto blinks. “Boring.”

“Boring is not a color. How about his height and weight?”

“I dunno. Boring, again.”

“And his face? For the love of God do not say boring-”

“It’s normal. Average. Standard.”

“…That’s my bad, I walked right into that one,” Kakashi says, deadpan. “Okay, so we’re looking for any adult man within a radius of five miles. He got a name?”

“Bofa,” Naruto answers.

“…Bofa?”

“Bofa DEEZ NUTS-”

Kakashi starts to walk away.

“No wait please I’m sorry-”

Against his better judgement, Kakashi stops and slowly turns around. “This is your last chance before I take you to the pound,” he warns. Pakkun barks, offended. “You too, pal.” He looks at Naruto. “Where’s the last place you saw him?”

“Umm…this way!” Naruto grabs him by the arm and drags him along. Kakashi makes a mental note to Purell vigorously once this is over, as he is unable to distinguish whether the brown smears on the kid’s hands are dirt, chocolate, or something much more foul. Pakkun grumbles at the fast pace but is able to keep up. Kakashi’s glad he’s at least getting some exercise.

What follows next is a mad scramble through the streets, as Naruto is easily distracted by every sight, sound, and smell. Kakashi has to pull him out of a fountain twice, break up a fight between him and an unruly pigeon, and is forced to buy him a hotdog from a vendor after he complains of missing lunch. Then he demands Kakashi carry him on his shoulders for ‘optimal dad-spotting’, as he puts it. Kakashi almost agrees, then notices Naruto’s funny little dance and hustles him behind a tree before he has an accident.

All in all, it’s a very hectic hour. Kakashi is considering taking the harness off of Pakkun and putting it on the kid. Which is obviously what Naruto’s dad should have done, seeing as he is partly to blame for this whole mess. What kind of selfish, irresponsible parent loses their kid like this-

“Naruto?” a voice says behind them.

“DAD!!” Naruto shoots from Kakashi’s side, squealing in delight.

Kakashi opens his mouth and turns around, intent on giving the man a piece of his mind.

His jaw falls open the rest of the way and swings in the breeze.

Naruto’s a fucking LIAR. His dad is most definitely not boring.

He’s a complete babe.

His boring brown hair is a lovely, chocolatey brown that drapes over his shoulders, clinging enticingly to his jawline. His boring eyes are a deeper, richer shade of brown, framed by long, dark lashes. His boring body is a gorgeously toned physique, highlighted by a pair of tight jogging pants and thin t-shirt.

And his face, dear God, his face.

If Naruto is a dandelion, he’s the blazing sun. The warm smile on his face as he hugs his kid warms Kakashi from ten feet away. He wants to bask in it for hours, but the warmth quickly diminishes as Naruto’s dad grows serious.

“Where did you GO?” he demands, holding Naruto at arm’s length. A scar across his nose wrinkles with concern, which is fucking adorable. “I look away for one second and you’re gone! What happened?”

“There was an ice cream truck,” Naruto says weakly. Iruka just stares at him.

“…Did you at least catch it?”

“No.”

“Good, because you definitely don’t deserve ice-cream after running off like that.” He finally looks up and notices Kakashi. “Oh, hello.”

Kakashi shuts his jaw with an audible snap. “Hi.” It comes out more of a squeak than a sexy, manly purr, and he quickly clears his throat. “I’m Kakashi. Nice to meet you. Uhh…”

“Iruka,” the man helpfully supplies, holding out a strong, fine-boned hand. Kakashi has to suppress the urge to go down on one knee and kiss it. With tongue. “Thank you so much for bringing my son back to me.” His grin grows slightly wicked. “Although I’m not too sure I should be thanking you.”

“Not funny, dad,” Naruto huffs at him. “It was an accident, I swear. I won’t leave aga- oh my gosh is that a quarter over there-”

“NOPE.” Iruka grabs him by the scruff of the neck like a mama cat and reels him back in. “We are going straight home, buster, and you are getting locked in the basement- I mean your room.”

Kakashi chokes on a laugh, faltering a little. He’s desperate to say something else to keep this lovely man’s attention, anything-

“I hope his mother wasn’t too worried,” he blurts out, then immediately wants to sock himself in the face. Way to kill the mood, asshole.

“Oh, hell no, I’m gay as fuck,” Iruka states bluntly. “He’s adopted.”

“…I see,” Kakashi says calmly, while hearing an angel choir singing a chorus of ‘Hallelujah’ in the background.

“I have a wine aunt,” Naruto says.

“Naruto, do NOT call Anko that-”

“But she is!”

“Let me finish. To her FACE.”

Kakashi’s grinning like a fool, watching the banter between the two. It’s incredibly entertaining. They should have their own sitcom.

“And what happened to your clothes?” Iruka goes on in exasperation. “Did you roll around in the dog park or did you let a dog poop directly on you?”

“Hey, at least I’m not still in my pajamas!” Naruto gestures at Kakashi, who freezes.

Fuck. He’d forgotten about that. Immediately he’s self-conscious, painfully aware of his worn pajamas and messy hair. And here’s Iruka looking like a whole ass snack. FUCK.

“Uh, yeah, sorry, rough morning,” he says, chuckling awkwardly.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve been there,” Iruka replies with ease. “One time I went to the store with puke on my shirt. Didn’t even care. I totally understand.”

Kakashi doesn’t think he could possibly be more attracted to the man.

“Oh my God, I love your pug,” Iruka says, and Goddamn if Kakashi doesn’t fall in love right then and there. “We should totally walk our dogs together.”

“You guys have a dog?” Kakashi asks in surprise. “Isn’t the kid enough?” Iruka laughs.

“His name is Kurama!” Naruto chimes in. “He’s a Shiba Inu.” He goes on in a whisper. “He’s such an asshole.”

“Naruto, language,” Iruka hisses.

“Pakkun is, too,” Kakashi says, nodding at the pug, who gives a surly growl at the sound of his name. “Oh, shut up. You know I love you.” Iruka laughs again.

“Well then, it’s a date,” he says with a wink, and Kakashi nearly cheers aloud. “It’ll be fun. Naruto can come with us.”

And just like that, the flirty atmosphere comes to a screeching halt.

Kakashi opens his mouth to object, and then stops. Because of course Naruto will come with them. He’s Iruka’s kid. It’s a package deal. If he’s truly interested in the man, he has to be willing to accept that.

Kakashi doesn’t know if he can.

He has almost no experience with children, seeing them as little more than puppies who can talk. They poop and pee everywhere, trash the place, eat all your food, and generally make a racket. They’re not even that cute-

“Thanks for helping me!” Naruto says, beaming up at him like a miniature sun, then throws his arms around his waist in a tight hug.

Kakashi is rendered speechless. He can’t remember the last time he’s been hugged. It’s…nice. He looks over at Iruka in bewilderment, and is stunned at the look of pure love on Iruka’s face, transforming it into something even more beautiful than before.

…Maybe this won’t be so bad.

“Later, gramps!”

And then Naruto whips around and runs back to his dad, elbowing Kakashi right in the dick.

…Still worth it.

-End-

(Written for @kakairu-rocks KakaIru Valentine's Week 2024, Day 1 prompts: Meet Cute and Found Family.)

[dangakkisland]

Welcome everyone to my Dog-aronpa show!! Where I start with DR2 instead of DR1 because I simply do not have the list ready for that one game! And Techinical issues are all in and can't draw the line up at the moment (it will be done)

I want to show off my enormous dog knowledge for no reason at all!

Hajime Hinata is a...Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever (long ass name) or at least looks like one..In fact, he is just a very mixed dog that happened to look like the Red Duck dog and has a similar personality to one which is alert and can very well get mental issues easily if left behind for too long, they only howl (on average) when they are on a hunt however dogs don't hunt nowadays and since this is a snow dog and I can't own one I cant test it out.

Chiaki Nanami is a....Clumber Spaniel

They are low energy, they have rosy features. You yourself can read more about it, I am not an expert on them but as far as I have seem very Chiaki to me

Teruteru Hanamura is a...Griffon Bruxellois

These dogs have long beards for some reason I love them for that, they don't really realize their doggy size much like other toy breeds (My children are the same) this is a bit important you know (chapter 1). They are sociable at a certain point, but they lose their temper very easily when teased

Byakuya or the Ultimate impostor is a...Saluki

The most expensive and harshest dog to train, they like soft objects and very picky..For impostor themselves, I think they should just shapeshift in this universe. I can't even begin;

Mahiru Koizumi is...English Cocker Spaniel

They are very easy to train dogs, they like birds (hunt them) when I see birds I remember of photos, they are usually very happy dogs but they do get anxious and aggressive if you aren't be present for long due to depression on being left alone, any dog breed can have that even if they are labeled as a friendly breed, like most beings on this planet they are shaped with their life. So Mahiru is a Cocker Spaniel

Peko pekoyama is a...Akita

Which felt most obvious, they are reserved and mostly guarding dogs, my family (Mom-side) owned an Akita she was very overly protective. That's mostly it I don't remember much.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu is a...Shiba Inu ...Mix with some small breed

I wanted to make them both Japanese breeds..You know the Yakuza it made sense in my head, but I couldn't find one with a slight yellowish coat and small like really small, you will get what I mean later. They are stubborn and strong-willed I have heard they are more a cat than a dog, and I truly believe they are staring at my soul...Maybe because they are more related to wolves than other dog breeds like Pugs That's just a theory I have heard though, I choose to not believe it because of its facial structure which isn't really harsh and this coat isn't related to most wolves.

Mikan Tsumiki is a... Saint Bernard! (Also known as my dream dog)

They are medical assistants sometimes, they are gentle giants they just don't kill you because they are too ❤ but Mikan killed so that's a loss..It would be despairing to see a dog like this kill so I believe I made the right choice

Ibuki Mioda is...A siberian Husky

Sh...I know the snow dog but they howl a lot, its fine for her to be that breed they are absolutely pathetic..I mean that with so much love. She got expelled from her band because she howled the wrong tune, always, all the time, on purpose even.

Hiyoko Saionji is a...Afghan Hound

Why she isn't small- Shut up she literally has a growth spurt that's the whole point: making her bigger than Fuyuhiko!! They aren't very affectionate but they are very loyal!! they are also very stylish dogs (the hears match her ponytails, she can even tie up them later but you would have to see if it is fine for a dog like this since it could cause ear infections)

THE OVERLORD OF ICE GUNDHAM TANAKA IS....ANNN ALASKAN MAMUTE BECAUSE HE IS THE OVERLORD OF ICE I KNOW WE HAVE TWO HUSKY TYPES HERE BUT I DO NOT CARE!!! THEY ARE STRONGWILLED!! THEY ARE ALSO FRIENDLY!! (I EXPECT THAT FROM ONE DOG THAT TAKES CARE OF HAMSTERS)

they also sometimes have heterochromia but you have to breed them a certain way and since he is the ultimate breeder may as well he be breed a way he looks the closest to canon.

Nekomaru Nidai is an Boxer

They have been reported of being easily having heart issues, they are guard dogs and reported a slight aggression but its expected of guarding breeds, if trained to be at home they are very friendly like Nekomaru its supposed to be they are honest and loyal, they are very bright would to the family who adopted it and they can be actually very clingy at home, wary on the streets. The dogs have to be kept always on a line between vet and affection and introducing them to other dogs would be ideal, Nekomaru would be a very sociable Boxer so I believe his owners treated him well and were aware of these facts

Nagito Komaeda is a...Borzoi

And everyone saw this coming, these things should NOT be that tall I swear if a child can mount on it Why is it a dog and why I am so obsessed over it like any other dog, they normally don't go for the typical dog training since they get bored very easily of it, they are very active and like fields..They CAN be very stubborn but are sweethearts depending on your method of training and getting close to it, Nagito can be stubborn too like in chapter 4 and when he refuses to cooperate when the trial could be faster if he put the stuff on the table, but I love him anyway just like Borzois he is confusing they are confusing together.

Sonia nevermind is a... Corgi

Do you see why I was so worried about Fuyuhiko? She is shorter than him in this alternative universe, and I HAD to pic a corgi for her since the royal family of the United Kingdom as far as I have heard owns Tons of those and I simply had to. Unlike other dogs on this list Corgis arent shy at all!

Kazuichi Soda is a ...Jack Russell

I had to pick this one since they are very lovable but will be absolutely sad if it isn't reciprocated, in a dog festival I saw one old man that refused to play with a Jack Russell and the dog was just hiding from his owner because he got rejected by a stranger, its not a universal experience (and dog festivals have been extinct since quarantine in here) so Kazuichi soda is a Jack Russell probably shorter than Fuyuhiko too, Jack Russel markings also make me need less ways to figure out how he dyed his hair, its just his markings he can cover the black parts with a hat

Akane Owari is a...Dachshund

Pomodoro why you picked a small breed? Akane owari jumps high and is agile. I SAY WITH EXPERIENCE TO NOT JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER THEY ARE SO ACTIVE ITS INSANE, my cousin owns one and since she doesn't take care of it I have to play with it and boy this dog takes a while to get tired and it FIGHTS you when you try to leave and there was once I said ''oh time for lunch I will leave'' and he jumped so high I am 1,70-1,75 ish and the dog just bit my nose I wasn't even crouching I was actually pretty much standing and my nose hurt for the whole day, the breed refuses commands for the most time and they DO bite furniture they are indeed very hungry

That's it I actually erased some thoughts because they went on and on I have this problem :(

[planefood]

There's this weird idea I see floating around in spaces talking about dog breeds and dog breeding that brachycephalic dogs (pugs, frenchies, bulldogs, etc) only took on their modern extreme brachycephalic form in the mid 20th century and people want to "go back to what pugs looked like in the 19th century" People often forget we don't have a lot of records from back then of examples of poor dog breeding, hell a lot of the photos and paintings I see of "what pugs used to look like" from the 1800s look like mix breeds. Even the wikipedia on pugs seems to fall into this idea that these dogs only became brachycephalic sometime in the mid century

and sure there's varying degrees of brach between even modern day pugs, i'm not gonna assume that every dog depicted with a longer snout before 1950 isn't a "real pug" and I'm sure some pugs did have longer snouts back then! And I'm sure a lot of changes in breeding happened in the 19th century due to standardization. But fuck man some of this seems like blatant misinformation.

so if the previous pug was the average looking pug in 1927, then what the hell are these freaks of nature? They don't look all that different from a modern pug.

A lot of the depictions of extremely brachycephalic dogs began around the early 1800s, the same time people are claiming that these dogs were better bred and we should go back to their routes. I just wish it was easier to research the history of these breeds without some clickbaity BEFORE VS NOW article page and that theres heros out there breeding "1800s retro pugs"

I agree extremely brachycephalic dogs are not healthy a lot of them have breathing issues, but honestly I feel like we're taking the wrong approach? I'm no dog breeder but I've heard a lot of these retro pugs are poorly bred. I feel like we shouldn't be basing our dog breeding efforts on a drawing someone did 200 years ago but breed for healthier traits we can see in modern day dogs. (as a side note as well, drawings aren't 100% accurate. You can make out a lot in paintings and illustrations of what things might've looked like but we still need to take the things we see depicted with a grain of salt)

[cool-thymus]

Team Minato Week 2023: Day 7: Inappropriate Use Of Ninja Techniques / Babysitting

I'm offering you a tiny story that fits both prompts for Day 7 (kinda :D) The illustration is done by my dear @maireyart <3 (thank you again!) The editing and missed-commas-recovery by @professor-of-naruto (i appreciate it sm)

***

Tap-tap.

Obito raised his head from the book. He glanced at the window first. No, nothing there.

Tap-tap.

The scratchy noises were coming from the hall. “He taught them to knock, huh? Clever,” he thought, remembering the last time Kakashi’s ninken appeared in their apartment unannounced; the havoc, the awkwardness. Grinning, he carefully got up from his chair and tiptoed out of the room, making sure that his teammate was still fast asleep. The dogs made him uncomfortable. He always expected some snarky comments or criticism, even though he personally didn’t wrong them in any way. When he slid the bedroom door back behind him, three ninja dogs were standing in the dark hall with Pakkun, who had a scroll attached to his back.

“Is Boss inside?” asked Pakkun. “Oh. Hey… you guys!” Obito whispered with a smile trying to be friendly. “Could you be quiet? He’s sleeping and…”

“We have a message for him. Let us in, Bito!” said the little grey one with a smirk.

“It’s Obito, Shiba,” rumbled the biggest of the pack.

“I know that! But I bet Bito here can’t even remember our …” 

Obito didn’t let him finish. “Shhhhh! Guys, please, keep it down! He was released from the hospital, like, yesterday. He needs rest.” The dogs stopped bickering and lowered their heads. With a little more confidence Obito addressed Pakkun: 

“What’s the message?” The pug let him take the scroll while glancing at the bedroom door, worried. Obito briefly studied the insides of the scroll and then exhaled with relief “Oh, that. We booked this mission a while ago, for extra cash, y’know. It’s a piece of cake, I can go alone.”

To that the dogs rolled their eyes and made it look like Obito said something ridiculous.

“Oh, great, genius! Go alone!” growled Urushi, turning to leave.

“Yeah, thanks for ruining our day off, Bito!” joined Shiba. “Whose turn is it this time?”

“I say Bull should go. He’s never on Bito-sitting duty, that oversized softy!” replied Urushi as the three ninken headed outside.

“I don’t mind. Obito is nice.”

Obito had expected mockery, but their reaction confused him completely. “Huh? What are you guys saying?” But the ninken had all already left the hall except for Pakkun, who was standing behind Obito with his paw softly pressed against the bedroom door. He took a moment to think things over.

“Come on, kid,” he said in a reassuring tone. “Never have you ever gone on a solo mission alone; since your very first one. But you didn’t hear it from me.” He winked at Obito and followed his pack outside.

Dumbstruck, Obito was left alone with the open scroll in his hands. It didn’t take him long to puzzle things out. The realization hurt his pride at first (what kind of shinobi was he, if he’d never noticed the dogs tailing him!) But quickly the hurt was replaced by a very tender feeling growing in his chest and spreading warmth up to his cheeks. He cracked the bedroom door open and looked at the figure on the bed. Kakashi was sleeping peacefully wrapped in blankets with his nose tucked between the pillows. A couple of moments passed before Obito finally slid the door close, a warm smile never leaving his face.

@teamminatoweek

[discordantwritings]

Random Scenario 2😊

Somewhere on a beach.

Crocodile: Sweetheart, you're being unreasonable.

Reader: *in the water* You're being a jerk!!

Buggy: *Sighs* I told you she'd get upset.

Crocodile: *Raises an eyebrow* Over a Pug?

Buggy: *Nods* You're the one who helped the dog, it's only natural that she wants to keep it.

Crocodile: Please come back to shore or I'll have to resort to extreme measures.

Reader: *Gasps sarcastically* Oh no! I'm so scared!! *swims further out*

Buggy: Should I go get plan B?

Crocodile: *Groans* Fine.

*Several Minutes later*

Mihawk: *Undressing*

Buggy: Final chance to come willingly Star!

Reader: *Panicking and swimming away* No!

*Buggy and Crocodile watch as Mihawk swims out after her*

Reader: *Splashing him* Go away!!!

Mihawk: Your tantrum needs to end.

Reader: No! That Pug was adorable I have every right to throw a tantrum!!

Mihawk: *Grabs her and comes back to shore*

Reader: *Struggling* No this is unfair!!

Mihawk: *Tosses her over his shoulder and continues walking*

Reader: *Kicking and squirming, still soaked* Let me go!!

Buggy: *Carrying Mihawk's clothes* Sorry Star, but you could have drifted out too far we wouldn't be able to save you.

Reader: I could have won this argument if you didn't call Mihawk!

Crocodile: Sweetheart, once you are home safe and warm we can discuss this like adults.

Reader: *Glares and flicks water at his face* How come you can have Banana Gators and I can't have one little Pug!!

Crocodile: *Eye twitching*

Buggy: Mihawk?

Mihawk: Yes?

Buggy: I think we need to find another room to sleep in tonight.

Mihawk: *Looks at grumpy reader*.... I think so too Buggy.

JSKSKFKDKSKHHGKLOGFKDJKDKFO

I too would die on the hill of that little pug. Buggy and Croc are so lucky Mihawk doesn’t have a devil fruit. I imagine reader finds their own place to sleep but in the middle of the night comes crawling back into bed because as insufferable as they all are sleeping alone doesn’t feel right anymore. They can all go back to being pissed in the morning.

[nikethestatue]

A Match Baked In Heaven

Chapter XI

The Weight of Love

“What in the world happened?” Elain demanded, seeing Azriel wearing nothing but a button down shirt and a suit jacket. It was the middle of December!

He squeezed inside the house and shivered.

“Do you want to catch another cold?” she fussed. “You just got better a day or two ago. Weren’t you on the date with Mor?”

“Yeah,” he grimaced. “Thanks for that, by the way!”

“Why? What happened?”

“Let’s just say that I don’t think that Mor should be your client for much longer.”

“How come?”

Piglet meanwhile was going wild with happiness and Azriel was forced to pick him up and allow him to snuggle to him. He gave the dog a kiss on the head and that seemed to calm the pug down. “I have a present for you, my baby mate,” Azriel whispered, Mor seemingly forgotten.

“Look!” Azriel waved the Advent Calendar in front of Piglet, who tried to lunge at it.

“Azriel,” Elain said impatiently, “can you tell me what happened?”

Azriel walked to the living room and sat down on the sofa, Piglet by his side. 

Elain watched them, and while she wanted to press for an answer, she remained quiet, enjoying the sight of the father and his fur son, getting way too thrilled over this Advent Calendar. Piglet was nosing into Azriel’s hands, grunting and whimpering excitedly, while Azriel was smiling such a genuinely happy smile, it ignited something pleasant, but confusing inside Elain’s chest. What was she going to do with this situation? How was she going to part these two, since they were clearly soulmates. If things didn’t work out between her and Azriel, the whole thing was going to be painful and extremely complicated. And what was she going to do with herself, if it didn’t work out? In the past two months, she came to think of herself as living her life with Azriel, with him at her side forever. He was so confident in the two of them, so sure that they were meant to be, she began believing it as well. She started fantasising about their life together, what they’d do, how they’d spend their days, his ridiculous, inappropriate jokes, him slapping her ass every time he passed her by, Piglet and Azriel having a whole separate, secret relationship between the two of them, Piglet waiting for him at the door every day, her accompanying him to some of the games…

Now, she wanted it. All of it. He presented her with the fantasy, and she expected it to come to pass, which was a dangerous thing to think or hope for.

“Okay, let’s see what’s on day one,” Azriel announced. “Come here, beautiful. This is a family party.”

Elain walked over and perched herself on the arm of the sofa, but of course, Azriel wouldn’t have it, so he reached out, his long body easily stretching the length of the sofa and his vise-like arm grabbed her around the hips, before he dragged her into his lap. Playfully slapping her arse, he gently kissed her neck and whispered into her throat, “this is where you belong”. Then suddenly, his scarred hand wrapped lightly around her throat and he turned her head and smiled, before kissing a specific spot on her neck.

His thumb rubbed over the spot and he muttered, “it’s healing already.”

Elain touched her neck and then remembered what he was referring to. The bruise that he sucked into her neck five nights ago was so prominent, she was forced to wear turtlenecks and scarves in front of her clients. 

“Seems like I’d have to put one on you again,” he mentioned easily.

“Excuse me?!” she cried out, “no way! I am running out of turtlenecks! They aren't my style.”

“Don’t you have like a 10-strand pearl necklace,” he wondered, placing another kiss on her neck, “that you can cover it up with?”

“All my pearl necklaces have been passed down from generation to generation.” 

“Oh, I wouldn’t dream of anything else for you. Your good mate Mor informed me of your entire family history and was about to reveal your worth as well, before I stopped her.”

“What happened between the two of you!” Elain pulled away from him, her brows knitting with incomprehension. 

At that, Piglet lost it and battered through the two bodies, trying to reach the Advent Calendar. He snapped and growled, having lost patience with all this talking!

“Sweetness,” Azriel drew his knuckles over Elain’s cheek, ignoring the rambunctious dog, “you are a good girl. You trust people and believe them to be good like you. Most, unfortunately, aren’t. Mor isn’t good. And that’s all you need to know. I don’t think that she deserves your services and your attention. Cut her loose.”

What Elain said next was unexpected. She didn’t press for any more information, but instead, lightly brushed her fingertips over his face and asked, “She didn’t hurt you, did she?”

“Naw, baby,” Azriel smiled at her. “The only person who can break my heart is you. But you are my girl, and you wouldn’t do that, would you?”

She shook her head stubbornly,

“No, I don’t wanna do that.”

“Well, that’s good then. That’s all that matters. Now, do the honours and let’s see what the first day of Advent brought our violent and impatient pug.”

Elain laughed and Azriel inhaled the sound of her voice, burying his face in her shoulder, as he banded his arms around her belly. Piglet was watching her puncture and open the little slat with her finger, his buggy eyes full of desperation and hunger, like this was his last meal on earth.

“Ahhh, look at this!” Elain made a show  of removing some kind of dog biscuit shaped like a snowman from the calendar. She let him sniff it, and Piglet readily opened his mouth. As she popped half the biscuit in her mouth, she marvelled, “every day a new treat for you! Daddy is really spoiling you, isn’t he?”

At that, Azriel growled a deep, thick masculine growl in his chest and just like that, sunk his teeth into Elain’s neck.

“Oww!” she whimpered, but her dog didn’t come to her rescue, instead nosing into her hand for the rest of the biscuit. As far as he was concerned, Azriel could bite her to his heart’s delight and Piglet wasn’t gonna raise his paw.

“Daddy can spoil mama pretty good too,” Azriel whispered into her neck, biting and sucking on it like it was his favourite meal.

“Will you stop?!” she tried to get away from him, or at least elbow him in the gut, but he escaped her attacks easily, while gently nipping on her earlobe.

“You know,” she huffed, “I have a boyfriend!”

“Yeah, I know,” he nodded. “Me. I am the boyfriend.”

“Oh, but” she began, but Azriel gripped her chin and made her look at him. “You are mine,” he told her unequivocally. “I don't want you mentioning that red-headed prick, and especially calling him your boyfriend. Where is he then? Show me!” he demanded. “Because I sure am not seeing him taking care of you or of Pinky.”

“He doesn’t even like Piglet,” Elain muttered.

“What the fuck? And yet you are dating him?”

“Well,”

“You know, Elain,” he said seriously. “The greatest mistake one can make in their life is investing their time and efforts into things, while getting nothing in return. 

“You’ve been with him, what? 3-4 years now? Essentially, you’ve been self-destructing yourself all this time, because this is not going to lead to anything and yet you’ve convinced yourself that he’ll finally come around and ‘make the move’,”

Bristling angrily, Elain attempted to pull away from him, but he held on tight.

“Who the hell do you think you are telling me about my relationship?!” she spat out. “I know what I am doing!!”

“Do you?” he challenged flatly. “The way you are refusing to put a tree in the house? “Cause it reminds you of how well you know what you are doing. And how absolutely nothing in your life’s gone the way you wanted it to. Also, when was the last time you got laid?”

Her cheek flared and she reared back, and he only had a second to intercept her open palm, which was flying towards his face. 

“You are a bastard!” she sneered, yet tears glimmered in her eyes. “I shared something with you in confidence, and now you are throwing it back in my face!”

His expression was solemn, when he gathered her hands together and pressed them to his chest, “I am not a bastard,” he argued. “And I am sorry,”

“Sorry! What do you even have to say to me when you are the one who’s never been in a relationship! You are the one who needed to go to a matchmaker to find a woman to marry!”

Azriel sighed and reminded her, “In my defence, it was Cassian’s idea. Though I don’t regret it for a second, despite you being a massive pain in the arse,”

“Then get the hell out of here!” she told him. “If I am a spinster, who isn’t putting up a tree because she is lonely and alone, and who is a pain in the arse!”

“You are getting angry over the wrong things,” he said reasonably. “Why aren’t you raging at Eris? But are raging at me?”

She sniffled and to her horror, was unable to hold back the tears that were suffocating her. 

“Because,” she mumbled, turning away from him, feeling embarrassed and all out of sorts, “because…”

“Because what?” he pressed her.

“Because,” and that came out as a full sob, “because…you are different! That’s why. And I trust you. You…” she couldn’t finish her sentence, as tears of anger and frustration poured out of her and she trembled on his lap, crying openly now. All Azriel did was wrap her in his arms and held her loosely to his chest. 

“Shhh,” he whispered gently, kissing her head. “I am here. I won’t leave you,”

“Everyone else has,” she sobbed, snot and drool ending up on his nice shirt. “You will too. Because I am a stupid, ridiculous, fat weirdo. 

“You will find yourself a beautiful, attractive, funny, fun woman, who’ll be thoroughly modern and not embarrassing. Eris always said that I embarrassed him with my idiot ways, with my pearls and my pug and…and…he was right, you know…” she smeared more snot on her face with her fist. “Even when I rang Cassian, he said that I was the ‘lady with the pug and the bows’. Because I am a freak,”

Azriel forcefully pulled her head back from his chest and looked at her. 

“What do you want me to say?” he murmured, his face devastated at the sight of her. “That you are beautiful? Unique? Hilarious? Independent? Talented? Genuine? Wonderful?” 

She was shaking her head ferociously, “I am none of those things, and we both know it! I am a thing to look at and make fun of, and hopefully marry off to someone who’d have me. But no one wants to have me…”

Piglet was whimpering sadly on her thigh, licking her hand, tears in his big round eyes. He didn’t understand what was going on, but his Elain was sad and he was going out of his mind with worry. Everything started off so well. Dad came over. He brought this great gift, and Elain was happy and Piglet ate his treat and everything was going splendid. And now, she was crying, and dad was sad, and Piglet didn’t even want anymore treats, if they were the reason this was now happening. 

“I see what I see, Elain Archeron,” Azriel whispered to her, “and what I see is beautiful. All the oddities that you are berating yourself over are what makes you you. Without the pug and the necklaces and the bows you’d be a completely different person. And I don’t want a different person–you are what is attractive to me. It’s irrelevant what that cunt Eris told you and if I ever meet him, I’ll hand him his arse like nobody’s business. But before that, just dry your tears, woman. See what’s in front of you for a change.”

“I’ll find you someone incredible and you’ll be with her,” she argued clumsily.

Azriel pushed her hair back and said, “Yeah, you’ve been doing an excellent job so far! I don’t know how you are staying in business,”

“Shut up!” she mumbled.

He looked at her and smiled, “Is this what it’s like to have a girlfriend? Dealing with insults, emotional breakdowns, an ornery pet, who will always matter more than me, and putting out fires?”

“Ohmygot! Shut up!” she gasped. “That’s not how I am,”

“Ahhhh, so you do agree that you are my girlfriend?” he teased.

“Not even!

“Oh I think that you just did. And I’ll be the judge of how you are as a girlfriend,”

“I already know,” she hissed. “A disappointment and a pain in the arse!”

“A pain in the arse for sure,” he agreed readily. “Disappointment–you’ve never disappointed me in anything yet. In fact, you’ve exceeded my expectations in everything.”

“You are just saying that!”

“Are we gonna go get a Christmas tree?” he asked instead.

“Do you have a car?”

“I sent Dev home after my very memorable date with Lady Morrigan,”

Elain frowned and muttered, 

“She is not technically a Lady,”

“A lady she is not,” he agreed, amused, “but why do you say so?”

“A Baron’s daughter is not a ‘Lady’. She doesn't have a title. She just likes using it.”

“Ohhh?” he cocked his brow at her. “The little claws come out,” and he took her hand and brought her fingers to his lips. 

“I am just saying,” Elain shrugged. “Considering that she seemed to have done a lot of investigation into my background,”

“Oh, that she did! It wasn’t a date, it was a heraldic class, with high finance thrown in there for good measure.”

Through her tears, Elain couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Are you doing better?” he asked, wiping her tears away with his thumbs.

“No,” she blurted petulantly. “I dunno…”

“Okay, well, let’s take your car and go get the tree. Maybe that will cheer you up.”

“I don’t have a car,”

“You don’t?” he asked, surprised. “Why?”

“I don’t know how to drive,” she admitted. 

“You don’t?” he repeated again. “Why?”

“I live in London. Why do I need to drive?”

“Maybe then you wouldn’t have to lug your portly pug every time he doesn’t want to walk.”

Piglet gave Azriel a side glance, somehow knowing that they were discussing him.

“Well, I don’t know how to and I don’t have a car. So unless you want to call Dev back and put a tree in your Bentley, or you want us to take the bus, we can’t get it. So maybe this is the universe telling me that I can’t have a tree this year…” 

Seeing how tears were threatening to gather again, Azriel quickly said, “Nonsense. We’ll figure something out. We’ll have a tree this year. Got it?”

“If you say so,” she shrugged, not believing him. “I have to go wash my face and shower.”

“Want me to join you?” he asked immediately.

She rolled her eyes and slid off his lap. “No!”

“Why? I can wash your face. And other bits and bobs.”

“My bits and bobs are of no concern to you,” she threw over her shoulder.

“Oh no, baby. They are of GREAT concern to me. I’ve never been more concerned about anything before, if I am being honest.”

“I can’t deal with your come-ons,” Elain moaned. 

“You will be naked and soaped up just above me in the next five minutes. What else do you want besides come-ons?”

Elain looked at him from her position and didn’t respond with a biting remark, because Azriel’s eyes were the most beautiful things she’d ever seen. They were like the English countryside in autumn–golder browns scattered amidst a sea of emerald green, flecked with dark shadows and golden sparkles. They were magical eyes, and he was a magical man and without a shade of doubt, Elain realised that this unusual man was…into her. It was a strange thought to consider, and it wasn’t the first time that she thought it, but for some reason right now, it became so crystal clear to her. Azriel Night, playboy, hellraiser on and off the field, ungodly handsome, scarred inside and out, so big he blocked out the sun, a man who could have any woman…wanted to have her. 

Her company. Her opinions. Her laughter and her humour. Her interests. Her dog. Her body. 

Azriel wanted it all from her and with her. Azriel never asked her to change–not one thing. Whatever she wore, however she acted, whatever she ate, however she wished to go about her day, or her life–he never objected to any of it. He just accepted her. All her idiosyncrasies didn’t seem to bother him at all. 

“I’ll go,” she whispered stupidly, unable to tear her eyes away from him.

What the hell was this gorgeous man doing in her house? Loving her. Consoling her. Comforting her. Reassuring her. What did she do to have him end up here, with her?

“You sure you don’t need any help?” he winked at her, throwing his long arms over the back of the sofa, and smiling widely.

And for a second, Elain hesitated. 

Her mind ran wild with possibilities. And she hasn’t had sex for so long. Ages. Literal ages. Maybe since the Middle Ages! That’s what it felt like. And she hasn’t had good sex…well, ever. The sex that she read about in books–where everything was shaking and squeezing and throbbing (So. Much. Throbbing.) and trembling, and there was screaming and moaning–she’d never had that. With anyone. With Eris, it’s been adequate, but always with the lights off, and 2 positions only. He didn’t do oral and didn’t expect it from her, so that was a relief (she supposed). She would’ve liked to do more things, be more passionate, have him respond to her with warmth and excitement, but that wasn’t in Eris’s character.

“What’s that pause for, matchy?” Azriel asked. “Thinking so hard, I can almost hear it.”

“I am not,”

“Come on, baby, if you want to jump my bones, you only have to say it.”

Wiping her brow, Elain turned on her heels and wordlessly made her way upstairs.

-

Once she stepped under the shower, she almost expired from mortification. Surely after her wild and unexpected breakdown, Azriel would pack up and leave. She acted like a complete nut. And why? Because what Azriel said cut her so deep and so open with its honesty. Her life has been on pause for years now, and while she had hoped that Eris would be ‘the one’ it was becoming clearer every day that he wasn't going to be what she hoped he’d be. And what’s more, she knew that she’d be settling anyway. Not only was he not in any hurry to propose, but deep down, she didn't even want him to. She dreaded the thought of spending the rest of her days with Eris. It would be fine. It would be okay. But Elain didn’t want ‘fine’ or ‘okay’. Perhaps it was naive of her, but she wanted passion. She wanted excitement. She wanted all that throbbing. She wanted what her great-great-grandmother Elain had, when the Duke of Velaris fell in love with her. She wanted what Azriel could give her. 

Gah! Why was she thinking of him, again?

But he could. He’d love her the way she dreamt of being loved, because he already cared for her and for Piglet more than Eris ever did. And Azriel would probably be monstrously good in bed. She didn’t even know exactly what it would entail, but she could feel it. She knew that Azriel knew how to give pleasure. And she’d be taken places she never even imagined if she was with him. 

When she was alone tonight, she might just have to do some serious self-servicing. Because this man was driving her completely nuts. Also she’d have to apologise to him and maybe send him a fruit basket or something, if he even wanted to hear from her ever again. Because she behaved like a loon tonight, and it wouldn’t surprise her if he began pulling away. Why would this fine, calm, clear-headed man need someone who fell into complete hysterics in front of him and word-vomited every single insecurity she had. 

Elain took a long shower, enjoying the scalding water and letting her mind settle. She didn’t even know why she was feeling so insecure, and so fragile. Was it the most extreme manifestation of her utmost relief over his failed date with Mor? Elain hated to think of herself as being so petty, but she needed to be honest with herself too. Mor frightened the bejeezus out of her with her confidence, her striking beauty, her swagger, her…everything. Mor was everything that Elain wasn’t. And was Elain climbing the walls today, knowing that Azriel was going for a drink with Mor? Yes, yes she was. 

Piglet was incredibly confused about what was happening, because Elain was so scattered, she fed him breakfast twice (he didn’t mind it), then she forgot to take him for his afternoon walk, so he had to run to her and make it known that he was about to crap on the floor, then she forgot to give him afternoon snack, she rudely woke him up from his naps, and needlessly dressed him in five different outfits back to back, ending up with none in the end. Also, there was no dinner today at all. Not at 6 pm. Not at 7 pm. Piglet ran to his bowl numerous times, checking on whether it was finally filled with something, and no dice. Nuthin’.

Elain got out of the shower thirty minutes later, and spent some time on her hair, before realising that she hadn’t eaten almost anything today and hadn’t fed Piglet. She froze, shocked with herself and her absent-mindness. She forgot to feed her dog, because she was spiralling in her head over Ariel’s date! Jesus.

She grabbed the first thing she saw–a t-shirt and a pair of worn out shorts–and ran downstairs only to be stopped in her tracks when she reached the first floor.

-

“…Listen, it’s not like I am against VAR. It’s needed. I get it,” Azriel’s deep voice, which Elain compared to ‘midnight silk’ in her head, though she had no idea what that even meant, filled the space with gorgeous masculine presence. God she loved that voice. She loved that he was here. 

He was here! He didn’t leave!

“But it just kills so many good goals. Like, goals that could go down in history, you know? Which I think is fucking bollocks,” he continued. 

Elain quietly stepped onto the carpeted floor and tiptoed to the lounge. 

There he was. 

Sprawled on the sofa, his suit jacket off, the sleeves of his button down rolled up, exposing his muscular, spectacular forearms, Azriel was watching a football game, while Piglet lay on his thigh, watching and listening with great interest.

“I get it if it’s offside, but VAR literally measures millimetres of grass. And I think it’s bullshit. Like how are we even supposed to consider pre-VAR goals now? Maybe half of them don’t even count? Ergh…”

Bark-bark. Waaawaya-wahha.

“See, you get it!” Azriel decided.

Elain smiled. And then she fought back tears of happiness, watching the two of them together. She was so unbelievably weepy, she had no idea as to what was happening with her. So, against her better judgement, she sidled over to the sofa and then planted a long, deep kiss on the back of Azriel’s neck. She couldn’t resist. He pulled her like a magnet, and Elain couldn’t find one thing about him that she didn’t find appealing or attractive. And yes, she wanted to kiss him. In every place and in every way. But for now, she settled on just this easy, playful kiss. 

“Whoa, beautiful!” he laughed, catching the back of her own neck and holding her in an awkward position, half draped over the back of the sofa, “good shower? You are in a better mood!”

“You stayed,” she murmured and wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders, nestling her face into the space between the two. 

“Where am I gonna go?” he shrugged, like it was so obvious. “Of course I stayed, because I am not going back to Canary Wharf from here!”

“I’ve never been to your flat, by the way,” she told him, while he stroked her arms.

“No you haven’t,” he agreed. “But I have some ideas about that.”

“Ohh?”

“More to come.”

“Always with the secrets!”

“I am a secretive bloke, what can I say?” Azriel smiled at her and then said, “come here, and sit with your men, while we wait for pizza.”

“Pizza?!”

God, pizza sounded amazing right now!

“I didn’t have dinner, and it seems like neither did Pinky, because I gave him some turkey from the fridge and I thought he was gonna take off my arm.”

Elain chuckled and skirted the sofa, sitting down. Azriel smacked his lips and immediately made himself comfortable, arranging her against the cushions in a semi-seated position, and laying his head on her belly. 

“Love the shorts,” he complimented her. 

“Even these shorts?”

“Any shorts,” he gently drew his knuckles from her knee down her leg, before nudging her leg closer and kissing the inside of her knee. Elain softly sucked in her breath and he smiled. 

“Here,” he handed her a beer bottle, while taking a sip of his own.

“Is this how life with you would be? You lounging on the sofa, watching footie, doing nothing,” she asked, taking a grateful swig of the lager.

“Yeah, pretty much,” he confirmed. “I’d be porking you as well though. Don’t forget the porking.”

“Oh yes, how can I?”

-

Azriel lay in the darkness of the bedroom, in silence. Well, silence was a relative term, because the door was slightly ajar and he could hear Pinky’s robust snoring even from here. Pink had a very active and loud sleeping patterns, where he snored, whimpered, gasped, licked his face so loudly it sounded like slapping, grunted, groaned and exclaimed with excitement. It was a cornucopia of sounds. And it made Azriel smile. 

Azriel wouldn’t have minded falling asleep himself, but he was somehow too excited. 

He was in Elain’s bedroom after all. Not what he expected exactly–it was luxurious, but lacked in pinks and gauze. The walls were a calming, if unexpected, maroon-burgundy colour, the bed was incredibly comfortable, the furnishings were in line with the age of the house, though modernised. Of course there was a whole marble fireplace here–7th, per Azriel’s latest count–where they lit a fire, which glimmered softly now. 

Elain's bedroom, where the magic doesn't happen

After the pizza was delivered (two pizzas, to be precise, because Azriel ordered a child’s size plain pizza for Pinky, though the pug wasn’t aware of that), they ate, drank a bottle of white wine, Pink went into what amounted a food coma, collapsing in the middle of the room with a satisfied gurgle. Azriel noticed that after cheese, sausage and dough, as well as alcohol, his girl was feeling much better too. He was guessing that she was PMSing, but he wasn’t foolish enough to suggest that. 

Elain had fallen asleep in his lap, while he was watching replays of recent games on the telly through his phone. What he loved about Elain–in addition to many other things–was that she never moaned about football. She knew that this was his career, a huge part of his life, in addition to being something that he genuinely loved, and therefore, she never whinged about him being preoccupied by the games. He was totally okay discussing things related to football with Pinky. When it was time for bed, he turned the television off and then picked Elain up in his arms. She woke up and looked up at him, adorably confused. 

“Sleep, beautiful,” he murmured to her, pressing her close to his chest. She was soft and warm, and he probably shouldn't have been lifting, let alone carrying a grown woman up the stairs, considering the state of his leg, but he was prone to making illogical decisions when it came to Elain.

“You are here,” she muttered.

“I am here. And I am taking you to your bedroom,” he told her. “And,” he quickly warned, “if you fucking mention any kind of boyfriend who is not me, I will fuck you within an inch of your life!”

Elain pouted, but wrapped her arms around his neck and groused, 

“You know, you can’t threaten me with fucking!”

“No?” he asked, amused.

“No! It’s not fair. Also, it’s not really a threat, you know…” she concluded.

At that, Azriel snorted a laugh,

“You want me to fuck you then?”

“No comment,” she turned her head away from him and he laughed out loud.

“No, no. I would like for you to comment. In great detail too. Don’t be shy.”

“Hard pass.”

He laughed again, and then pushed the bedroom door open with his foot, barging into the bedroom like he was about to unleash on her.

“Neanderthal,” she muttered under her breath.

“Sure am, baby. So…this is where the magic doesn’t happen, huh?”

“Yeah it does happen!” she argued.

“Self-help doesn’t count,” he parried before dumping her onto the bed. 

“It’s not…” she began saying, but quickly fell silent.

Then he looked around and whistled softly, “This is nice. I can get used to this!”

“Well, don’t!” she scowled at him.

“Oh, I think I will. This is a very nice bedroom. Well done, matchy!”

“However did I survive without your approval,” she rolled her eyes. “You can go to your bedroom now,” she pointed to the door.

Azriel pursed his lips and shook his head. 

“Once I am inside, you ain’t getting rid of me that easily. I am sleeping here.”

“No. Way!” she tried.

Instead of responding, Azriel began to slowly unbutton his shirt, effectively shutting her up. 

It was so easy. This girl went all pink-faced and pant-y and wide-eyed from zero to one hundred in about a second, as soon as she got a glimpse of man flesh. Not to be immodest of anything, but his man flesh was pretty nice. He might have been afflicted with a slew of other insecurities, but when it came to his body, he was rather conceited, knowing that it was a work of art.

“You can’t just do…this,” she waved her hand, “every time you want to get something…”

“No? You mean you don’t want me to use sex to get you to do stuff?”

“No!”

-

Well, lo and behold, now, Azriel was in Elain’s bed, though she childishly kept to her side of the bed, acting like they were at a sleepaway camp or something. Azriel was amused by her antics, but he was going to help her settle and wait until she was deep asleep, before parking her sweet ass right by his cock.

He closed his eyes and threw his arm back, sinking deeper into the comfortable bed. Suddenly, Elain’s phone lit up and vibrated on her nightstand. 

Azriel frowned, wondering who the hell would be messaging her at almost 1 a.m. Could be a wrong number, of course, but he glanced at the phone and saw ‘Eris’. He didn’t even have time to consider his next move, when he reached across Elain and snatched the phone. Turning on his side, to block the light from the screen and not wake her, he looked at the message.

Eris: Care to explain this?

There was an attachment with the message–that of the Daily Mail headline, and the photo of Azriel carrying Elain.

Shit.

Azriel typed, trying to adopt Elain’s way of speaking.

“Elain”: There is not much to explain

Eris: Really? Who is this mongrel, carrying you around? 

Mongrel?

Azriel’s been called many things, but this was a first. It was so funny, he couldn’t even get mad.

“Elain”: Mongrel? I am not sure if it’s prudent for you to call my clients ‘mongrels’

Oh yeah, this was good. This was very Elain!

Eris: Your client? That’s what you stooped down to with your clientele? Footballers?? I should’ve guessed, though I thought you had more class than that.

“Elain”: What’s wrong with footballers?

Eris: Do you know that I received a call from Morrigan today? She was hysterical!

Morrigan? What the fuck did Mor have anything to do with this? Azriel was confused at the turn of events. He was ready to defend Elain being carried bridal style on London’s streets, but that didn’t seem to be Eris’s main concern.

Eris: I can’t believe that you opted to set her up with this…specimen!! Are you out of your mind? She is a Lady! He is some bastard, no-name footballer!

Oh, fuck no!

“Elain”: Technically, Morrigan isn’t a Lady. She is a baron’s daughter.

Oh yeah! Throwing Elain’s words back at Eris. Azriel was enjoying himself. So he wrote:

“Elain”: And if we are talking titles, Azriel is the nephew of Lord Darling, as in Duke Darling, and Rhysand Darling’s first cousin. Don’t you play polo with him?

This tidbit of info Azriel picked up from Rhys just days ago. 

And then it came to him–Morrigan and Vincent Eris Autumn were engaged at some point. That’s why the connection sounded familiar. These nobles were so incestuous, it blew Azriel’s mind. And he was the mongrel?

Eris: Being related to Rhys doesn’t give this Azriel any more credibility. He is still a mongrel from a council estate. And you dared to set him up with Morrigan, and then he GHOSTED HER!!! Do you even understand what happened there?!!? That POS ghosted Mor! He just left her at the bar. 

“Elain”: I am sure he had a good reason for that.

Eris: Good reason?!?! What possible good reason could it have been?

“Elain”: Why was she telling you all this anyway? She reached out to you, but not to me? I am the matchmaker.

Because this bloke seemed entirely too concerned about Morrigan, and not so much about Elain. And that made Azriel curious. So he picked up his own phone and quickly texted Rhys.

Rhys: This better be good.

Azriel: Why? You busy in the middle of the night?

Rhys: I am entertaining.

Azriel: Oh, forgive me brother. Why did you pick up then?”

Rhys: Wondering if you needed bail money or something. I never know with you. 

Azriel: Nah, baby bro. I am an upstanding member of society now. With a woman and a dog. My wild days are behind me.

Rhys: Just like that?

Azriel: Just like that. Once you meet your woman, the one that was created especially for you and who fulfils your every dream and desire, you don’t need to look anymore.

Rhys: My. God. Who are you? Is this a prank text? Azriel, blink once if you’ve been kidnapped!!!!!

Azriel laughed quietly at that.

Azriel: No. My girl kidnapped my heart, but otherwise, all is well.

Rhys: I am going to vomit. Please stop.

Azriel: There was an actual reason for my message. What happened between Eris Autumn and Mor Hewn? Why did they break up the engagement?

Rhys: You serious?

Azriel: Just tell me and then you can go back to your entertaining.

Rhys: As far as I remember, she cheated on him with a footballer. Cassius something…

Azriel: Cassius…Cassius Syphon? From Luton Town?

Rhys: Yeah, I think it was him. Rumour has it that she was pregnant and had an abortion. I don’t know if it’s true, and whose baby it was. But that’s why they broke up.

Azriel: Okay, thanks. I don’t think that they ever broke up in Eris’s mind.

Rhys: Oh darling. You’ll have to spill!

Azriel: It’s convoluted. Thanks. Have a good night. Don’t forget to wrap it up.

Rhys: Oh, brother. I never do.

When Azriel glanced back at Elain’s phone, there were a slew of messages.

Eris: Elain! Elain! Where are you?

Elain!

Do not be petulant! Mor and I have a vast history and you know that.

Elain! You are being childish and immature.

Elain, you know Morrigan is a friend.

Sure she is. Azriel rolled his eyes and then typed:

“Elain”: Sorry, Piglet woke up and I needed to check on him.

Eris: Oh, naturally you’d run to your idiotic dog when we are in the middle of an important conversation. Your dog obsession needs to stop!!

“Elain”: Well, I’ll consider it when we are married.

And that caused a lengthy, LENGTHY pause in this ‘important conversation’.

Azriel giggled nastily.

At last, Eris typed back:

This isn’t the time to discuss this.

“Elain”: It seems like it never is.

Another lengthy pause.

Then Azriel wrote:

Eris, why did you wake me up in the middle of the night? Were you really concerned about me and the article in the Mail, considering that it’s weeks old now? Or was it because Morrigan ran to you to cry into your lapel?

Eris: I only now was made aware of the article!

“Elain”: And yet, here we are discussing Mor for most of the conversation.

Eris: Is this a jealousy thing?

“Elain”: No. More of a curiosity thing. Wondering why you’d be so alarmed about Morrigan’s bad date, and not as much about seeing a photo of me being carried by a man?

Eris: So it is a jealousy thing. Don’t be daft. You and I are quite together.

“Elain”: Are we?

Eris: I don’t have time for this right now. Do me a favour, and don’t set this Azriel up with anyone of value anymore. Better yet, remove him from your list of clients. I am sure he can find some slag in the men’s loo to marry.

Wow.

Well, Eris was a cunt.

“Elain”: I’ll take it under consideration.

With that, Azriel hung up. Then he went into the contacts, and blocked Eris’s number on Elain’s phone. He then deleted the entire conversation, went onto her Insta and blocked him there too, and lastly quietly returned the phone to her nightstand. 

There was not going to be any more of this ‘I have a boyfriend’ bullshit anymore. It was time to kick this dating thing up a notch, and close the deal. And he had some ideas brewing in his head about all that.

At that moment, Elain’s arm fell towards him and she blindly searched for him across the bed. He smiled and instantly felt better. So he reached, thankfully his long, strong arms perfect for the task, and looped his hand over and under Elain’s thigh. Did his hand brush over the damp warmth of her pussy? Well, yes, yes it did and he liked it. He pulled Elain closer, yanking her to himself, until she was almost on top of him. He pushed this thigh between hers, so she landed right on it and that made her open her eyes groggily.

“What are you doing?” she murmured.

“Just getting my favourite weighted blanket on top of me,” he said. Elain’s arm fell over his chest, and she tucked her face into his neck. 

“And if you need to ride my thigh,” he added, banding his arms around then, “you go ahead, pretty girl.”

“Ohhh, you and your sex talk,” she sighed.

“Well, sweetness, if I am getting on your nerves with my sex talk, I’ll tell you what,”

“What?”

“A clit has 8,000 nerves. I want to make sure that I get to every one of them.”

“Ohmygod.”

“Goodnight, sweetheart. Sleep.”

-

Dev arrived early in the morning. Elain was still asleep, when she heard the doorbell ring. She heard Ariel get up rather early, and she felt him place a juicy kiss on her ass cheek, which jolted her quite a bit, but then he laughed and sashayed to the bathroom. At that moment, Piglet squeezed into the bedroom and promptly followed Azriel, which made Elain laugh.

…Yeah, nothing feels as good first thing in the morning is when you are taking your morning piss and someone stares earnestly into your eyes

…Seriously? You are just going to stand there?

Bark.

…And watch me shower?

Growl.

…Any privacy? No. Apparently not.

With a smile on her lips, listening to Azriel’s grumbling, Elain fell back asleep. Well, he wanted a dog. Having a dog like Piglet, meant never having a moment of privacy, unless Piglet allowed it.

Azriel was making coffee downstairs, music playing on his phone, while Piglet sat on his ass like a weird baby and wiggled to the beat, bobbing his head and all. 

That’s how Dev found him, jamming to the tunes, unconcerned. Clearly because Azriel was here, Piglet trusted the process. 

“‘Mornin’ you mega posh pug Piglet!” Dev greeted him, smiling. “Look at you and your cute pyjamas!” When his eyes travelled to Azriel, he noted, “Well, you are makin’ yourself right at home here, mate. Aren’t you?”

He handed Azriel a couple of bags, and Azriel found a pair of sweats inside, which he fished out and then pulled on with a satisfied sigh.

“Fucking finally! Now, yeah. I’d say I am settled in,” he agreed.

“Does the missus know you’ve all but moved in?” Dev chuckled, while Piglet circled him, and then beckoned him to follow. As was the case with everyone. Dev immediately began babbling in a baby voice, “what do you want to show me, good boy? What do you have for me?” and walked behind Piglet, who was wearing his onesie with yellow ducks on it. Azriel walked after Dev, holding Piglet’s ‘baby’. 

Piglet led them to a huntboard, where his new Advent Calendar stood, and nodded to it pointedly, indicating that now was a good time for treat of the day.

“Ohhh, you like your Advent Calendar!” Dev understood, scratching Piglet’s neck.

“We can’t open it,” Azriel said, “not until mama wakes up. She has to be here.”

“Mama, is it?” Dev chuckled.

“Yes, we do this as a family,” Azriel confirmed seriously. 

“Oh boy…Ball and chained yourself just like that, huh?”

“With pleasure,” Azriel nodded. 

“Never thought it’d take someone like Miss Elain to tame you,” Dev was shaking his head with incomprehension. 

“Didn’t take very long either.”

“No. Not at all.”

Their conversation was interrupted by Piglet, who was suffering from the disappointment of not having his treat. So he zoomed on Azriel, glaring at him and looking at Azriel holding the ‘baby’. Suddenly, with a threatening growl he lunged and tore the toy out of Azriel’s hand, tossed it away and then stood up on his one hind leg and looked up.

“Whoa!” Dev laughed. “Look at the attitude on him.”

Azriel compliantly scooped Piglet into his arms and kissed him.

“Yeah…” he drawled. “It’s mostly about him. Sometimes about Elain and him. But mostly about him. If he is not getting attention, we are all in trouble.”

Dev looked at his lifelong friend and really didn’t know what to think. But whatever was happening between Az and his lady love, was making the broody footballer wildly happy. 

“Sorry little matey, my fault. I love you.” Azriel stroked Piglet’s back.

-

…”Baby! Wake up,” Azriel barged into the bedroom, Piglet hanging limply in the circle of his arm. “It’s 8 am!”

“Ugh, already? Why?” Elain whined.

“If you don’t want to get up, that’s fine by me. I can just fuck you,” he proposed.

“I don’t really understand the logic of this tradeoff,” Elain noted dryly, but then Azriel dumped Piglet onto the bed and it became a whirlwind of hugs and kisses.

“Did you know that Pink likes rock-n-roll?” Azriel queried, plopping down in an armchair and stretching his long legs in front of him. 

“Obviously,” he exclaimed indignantly. “He is my son!”

“Oh yeah…He was rocking to Who Do You Love,”

“George Thoroughgood?” Elain asked quickly, stroking Piglet’s head. 

“Yeah…He IS your son, I guess,” Azriel laughed. “He was bumpin’ and grinding.”

“Oh yes. He is all about that.”

She sat up and asked, “Who was at the door? And why didn’t you call me?”

“That was Dev. Delivering some clothes for me,” Azriel explained, making a wide gesture down his body, showing her his t-shirt and his sweats. 

“So…yeah, he brought a bag,”

“Is that so?” Elain raised her brow at him. “Are you moving in?”

“Funny how he asked me the same,” Azriel snapped his fingers. 

“Hilarious,” she deadpanned.

“Listen, get your arse ready and we are gonna go do couple shit!”

“Oh wow. Be still my beating heart,” Elain dramatically pressed her hands to her chest. “Couple shit. You really know how to sell it.”

“Yeah, I am an expert.”

“Do tell, what kind of ‘couple shit’ we are doing?”

“We are getting brekkie first, and then we’ll see.”

He got up, but before he left the room, Elain said quietly, licking her lower lip, “about the other thing…”

He turned his head and gave her a quizzical look. 

“What thing?” he asked.

“The other thing,” she repeated. “The one…you know…”

“No, I don’t. Why are you speaking in riddles?”

“The thing you want to do with me. To me.”

“Sex?” it finally dawned on him. He gawked at her like she grew a horn.

“Yeah,” she confirmed lamely.

“What about it, beautiful? Don’t keep me in suspense here!”

“Well, maybe I want it,” she finally managed to whisper.

Azriel made a move to drop his joggers and Elain screamed, “No!!!! NOT NOW!!!”

He burst out laughing and shook his head like a dog, “scared you, huh?!”

“You are a damn nutter!” she huffed.

Crossing his arms on his chest, he asked then, “Okay, so what’s our timeline on the sex then?”

“I dunno.”

“Okay, my timeline is very flexible,” he assured her quickly. “Like…any day. Any time.”

“Oh, I am very shocked!”

“You should be. I am hard to get. Kind of a big deal, if you know what I mean.”

“Very…very big deal,” she agreed.

“Hey matchy, you ought to know that after we have our couple breakfast, I have to go and shoot an advert! You got yourself a proper celebrity boyfriend.”

-

Azriel spent a good twenty minutes chasing after Pinky, trying to dress him. While Elain was showering and dressing, he was running after a very portly three-legged pug, who had short legs to boot, but who perfected his evasion techniques like he was trained with SAS. At last, Azriel resorted to trickery, and ambushed Pinky by throwing a towel over him, blinding and tripping him for a few seconds, which allowed him to swarm and grab him. In retaliation, he dressed Pink in the most ridiculous outfit he could find–some knit cream dungarees, and a pink hat with two fluffy things (Azriel wasn’t sure what they were called). Problem was that not only did the pug make it work, but when Elain came down, she was in cream jeans, a pink jumper, and then she put on a cute pink jacket and a beanie with one fluffy thing on top. God dammit. Pinky always won.

“Beautiful,” Azriel whispered, taking her by the hand, “you make my dick hard and my heart soft. You are my perfect little girl.”

Azriel just threw on a jacket that Dev brought with him and pulled a flat cap on, attempting to avoid scrutiny. He already knew that the pug would be attracting a ton of attention, because no matter where they went, in any location, someone always pointed and cried out ‘look it’s a pug!’ 

Piglet, in his ugly outfit

Elain readily threaded her fingers with his, and it made him smile. 

“Is this couple shit?” she asked, as they walked down the street.

“Totally. Love couple shit. Love this little hand in mine!” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. 

Piglet was leading them, walking confidently, like he knew where he was going. Elain took Azriel’s by the elbow like a proper lady and he commented, 

“We look interesting together.”

“How’s so?”

“I look like Death. And you…” he looked her over and then decided, “you look like a lovely fawn.”

“Death and the lovely fawn,” she repeated. “Good. I like it.”

Elain led them further away from the British Museum, towards University College London where there were fewer tourists and since many students were away for the winter break, it was quiet around here as well. 

She ducked into an unassuming but historic building and they entered a spacious, well-lit eatery. Piglet immediately made the beeline to the bar, and stood up on his hind leg, waiting.

“Piglet! It’s you, mate!” the barman greeted her like they were old friends. “Hey Miss Elain, good morning to you!”

“Morning Archie!”

“You having breakfast?”

“Yes, please.”

“Sit yourself down, and we’ll get you sorted. Okay to give Piglet a treat?”

“Sure. Why do you think he is at the bar?”

While Azriel and Elain found a table, seemed like half the attendees were snapping photos of Piglet, who was being fed crisps over the bar. A cook and a couple of waitresses came out and gave Piglet hugs, while one offered him a biscuit, and the other, filled a tea cup with whipped cream.

“Remind me to come back as Pinky in my next life,” Azriel said, watching the spectacle. 

“You and me both,” Elain said.

“No, baby,” he shook his head, “every life, you’ll be coming back as my wife. Sorry not sorry.”

Elain blushed at his words and the expression of unflinching desire on his face, and quiet admiration in his eyes. 

“I love how everyone knows you,” he commented. “I love how you are part of the neighbourhood and you are woven into the fabric of this life, of this part of London. Like your grandmother. And great-grandmother. And the ones before that…It’s unique and beautiful.”

And it seemed to Elain that Azriel wished to be part of this life as well. What he wasn’t saying with words, he was conveying with his eager words, the eyes that were darting around the place. 

“This place has been around since 1902,” Elain explained. “My great-great-grandmother Elain had two servants…maids, who worked for the Duke of Velaris. They were twins–Nuala and Cerridwen,”

“Nuala, like the Nuala I went out with?”

“Yep. Same name. Anyway, for their service and at my gran’s insistence, the Duke bought this house for them–they opened this canteen and it’s been in operation ever since. Used to service all the domestics who worked around here. Men who delivered coal, sellers, cooks–the working class. Nuala lived upstairs with her husband and their four children. Cerridwen lived across the street, in that house,” she pointed towards the window, “with her husband who was the Duke’s personal valet, Balthazar. They also had four children. And the canteen has been in their families ever since. The barman, Archie, and his sister Prue–they are like me, the sixth generation of those who lived or served at the Duke’s household.

“So yes, in a way, we’ve been woven into the fabric of this town, of this neighbourhood for over 125 years. It’s important for me to preserve these threads. They are what makes London the unique city that it is. I love it. I could never leave here.”

“Hey Miss Elain,” a woman, who Azriel assumed was Prue, came over to their table. “How are you? Thanks for popping in. Who is your lad?” and she levelled Azriel with an assessing gaze. Then she frowned, a look of recognition slowly, but surely spilling over her features.

“Azriel Night then?” she asked.

Azriel nodded.

“Well, now, welcome then Mr. Arsenal himself. We here support Tottenham of course,” she added firmly.

“I would imagine,” Azriel nodded, seeing that they were literally a block away from Tottenham Road. 

“So, what’s the story with you two? Did I spy you two walking hand in hand?” Prue tapped a pencil on her order book.

“I’ll have a full English,” Azriel told her. “What do you want, beautiful?”

The waitress kept looking between the two of them, waiting for the answer.

“I’ll have the same, and coffee. We are...Mr. Night is my…”

Both Azriel and Prue peered at Elain so hard, it was like they were trying to set her on fire with her gazes.

“Miss Elain!” Archie called from the bar. “I’ll take Piglet to the kitchen!”

“He might never leave!” Elain answered and everyone in the restaurant laughed. 

“It’s alright. We’ll keep him then! We have chicken and rice soup for lunch.”

Azriel recalled how Piglet roared like a bear over chicken and rice previously, so he said, “Bye Piglet. It’s been nice knowing you! Don’t forget to write.”

“Azriel is my boyfriend,” Elain suddenly announced, all in one breath.

Azriel exhaled loudly and muttered, “finally!”

Prue threw him a bemused glance and asked, “What, you weren’t sure?”

Elain smiled. She placed a hand on his and stroked it.

“Sorry Miss Elain,” Prue said, “and this might not be my place to say it, but I am glad that you got yourself a proper fella, and not that Lord Autumn. He wouldn’t even step inside this place let alone eat here.”

“Sorry Prue,” Elain blushed at the words. “But we are in a new place now.”

“It’s about time!” came the stern answer.

Once the waitress left them, and went back to cooing over Piglet, saying how much she loved his outfit and therefore, making Azriel die a little bit internally, he mentioned,

“No one likes your ginger lord, it seems like.”

“They don't like you either, because you play for Arsenal.”

“I can live with that. At least I was called a ‘proper fella’.”

Once they got their drinks, Azriel  gave Elain a look that had her rolling her eyes and muttering, “What? What now?”

“Oh nothing…” he answered breezily.

“Right…”

“So, I am your boyfriend, huh?”

“Seems like it. You keep sleeping in my bed,” she reminded him, while sipping her coffee.

“Yeah, true. Though I feel like there is one, rather big and important part missing in the boyfriend experience.”

“Hmmm…How would you know? You’ve never been a boyfriend before,” she reminded him. 

And Azriel grinned, thinking that this girl blew his mind all the damn time. 

“May I have your phone?” Azriel asked then, extending his hand.

“Why?”

“Your phone, madame. If you will.”

“Ugh,” she handed him the phone. “No dick pics.”

“You could use a dick pic or two,” he told her, but then promised, “no, I’m not running to the loo to snap a couple for you.”

He messed with something for a few moments and then gave it back. She eyed it suspiciously but didn’t find anything new.

Azriel followed all this finagling with a text. It came on Elain’s phone under Sexy Boyfriend Azriel as in the new contact, replacing the previous Mr. Azriel Night.

“I’ll be monitoring this, darlin’, to make sure you don’t change it back,” he warned. “The fuck you are keeping me under Mr. Azriel Night for? I sound like your dentist.”

The breakfast was absolutely delicious. Azriel wasn’t surprised that the place has been in business for 120 years. If they served food like this, they deserved another 400 years in business. 

At some point, Archie came out, cradling Piglet to his chest.

“Ummm, he fell asleep,” he chuckled.

“Oh my god, how much chicken and rice did he eat?!” Elain gasped. Azriel was laughing. Piglet looked like he was in a food coma.

“Not as much as you’d think, but enough.”

-

…The crisis struck when they finished breakfast, Azriel paid and Piglet finally woke up, looking groggy. Azriel glanced at his watch and saw that it was almost 11 am. He did have a photo shoot to get to, and while he didn’t want to leave Elain, he needed to get going. 

Elain got up from her chair, reaching for her jacket that hang on the back of chair, and Azriel immediately hissed, 

“Sit down!”

Alarmed, she turned to him, and then followed his gaze, which was planted on her ass. Before she could make a snarky comment about him staring at her butt, she noticed a huge blood stain spread all over her light jeans and the chair.

How…

What?

How did she not notice?!!?

“Oh my god,” she gasped, horrified. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he assured her quickly. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?!?!”

“It’s just period blood,” Azriel tried lamely, knowing that he wasn’t coming up with decent comforting words.

She collapsed back in the chair, and they both knew that she just made it worse, probably smearing even more blood on her jeans and at this point, destroying the chair entirely. Not only that, there was a squelching sound that accompanied her move.

“Oh Jesus…” she moaned pathetically, tears gathering in her eyes. 

Azriel understood. 

Elain was a proper lady, and this wasn’t something that she could just ‘rock’ or brush off. Elain wasn’t going to ‘own it’. She was a modest, decorous, reserved, pearl-wearing noble Lady. An actual noble lady. And it didn’t escape his notice that on her mantle, Elain had a photo of herself, in some kind of heavy velvet robe edged with silver, a diamond and sapphire tiara, with her sisters dressed in a similar manner, at the coronation of the king. Azriel understood perfectly well that in many ways, he was way out of her league, but he also understood that her upbringing and her position limited her. 

He considered things quickly, got up and told her, “sit here. Don’t cry.”

She sat, unmoving, while he went and sought out Prue. Quickly explaining the situation, he handed her 200 quid for the chair and her promise to remove the chair as soon as they left. When he returned to the table, he handed Elain his jacket.

“What are you doing?” she gasped, while he zipped her up. The jacket was long enough to cover her bottom half down to mid thigh. “You’ll freeze to death!”

Azriel shrugged, “Sweetness, I run around the pitch for 90 minutes in December under pouring rain. I’ll be alright. Let’s go.”

“I can’t! Azriel. It’s December. You are wearing a long-sleeve shirt.”

“Ahhh,” he smiled, “but I have a secret weapon!” He picked up Pinky from the floor and pressed him to his chest. “This is a chubby, warm furnace of my own. Portable too.”

Elain smiled weakly, stroking Piglet’s head, and then Azriel’s face.

“Thank you. Are you sure?”

“I am,” he assured her. She wrapped her scarf around his neck and then went outside. 

It was brisk. 

Azriel fought the urge to shiver, but he knew that she’d freak out if he did. Truth be told, the dog did provide a decent amount of heat.

“I am sorry,” she whispered.

“Why? Ellie, I deal with various menstruation crises every other week. I am quite adept,”

“What? How?” she looked at him.

“I train 10-12 year old girls. We have someone bleeding out, forgetting their pads or tampons, not knowing what to do, crying, running away on the reg. So this is really sort of normal for me. The number of times I had to ring their parents, sometimes getting the dads, who are even more confused than their daughters about what to do…Those are funny conversations.

“Dev frequently does pad and tampon runs, so we can keep them in the locker room. It’s really quite cute, actually.”

Elain looked up at Azriel. He was walking next to her, barely dressed, carrying her dog. He did it all only for one reason–her comfort. Whether it was her losing her cool yesterday, crying and spilling her guts to him, or her bleeding out today, it seemed that nothing could shake this man. He was a mountain. A pillar of complete trust and support. One who stood by her no matter what. One who had her back, and never asked for anything in return. 

And it was then, in that moment of absolute clarity, that Elain realised that she was in love.

[ofallthingsnasty]

Just had a thought of Crocodile giving his sad basement wife a little purse dog so she’ll stop being so sullen looking. Like it’s a little chihuahua or pomeranian in a fancy purse and it’s SO feral and is visually a stark contrast to the always sobbing basement wife

Basement wife: 😞🥺😭😥

Her purse dog: 🤬👿😤😬

And maybe the dog HATES crocodile and is constantly growling at him. Crocodile wants to get rid of the little shit but basement wife got attached to it so if he gets rid of it she’ll cry a whole lot more 🙄

(I like to imagine that every animal is very fond of basement wife. She’ll be surrounded by a bunch of fluffy and dangerous creatures but still look so sad. Like Snow White but depressed)

hsdjfhdsjk oh my god so that's the context for the chapter 860 pug ... "Ugh, got to keep the pooch dry or the missus is going to be sulky for three days straight... Who cares about me anyway??"

I don't even know where to start with this, this is so fucking funny to me, oh my god. You just know he regrets getting you a little dog the moment you turn to him and ask (in your best inside voice, no less): "But won't she have to go outside... You know, for... walks?" He should have picked a cat, really.

You're not going anywhere, obviously - so walkies are his responsibility. He'll probably try to pawn the little thing off to one of the employees of Rain Dinners. That lasts a couple of days until you comment on the way the tiny angel shakes like a leaf whenever she's back in your arms and it dawns on him that he might have to really step up. (He'd probably shove her into the arms of some sniveling brat if you weren't already so ridiculously in love with her. He brought this upon himself and learns a valuable lesson that day... Especially after even Miss All Sunday can't hold back a laugh at seeing her boss with a fucking pug of all things on his arm.) There is just one glaring issue here: She's not a daddy's girl. At all. The sounds she makes whenever he dares to touch her are so alien and so utterly angry that one might think he killed her family in another life. Her neckless little head flails around to maim, kill, bite whenever he wrestles her into his grip. He swears she'll die of either hypertension or an aneurysm and soon if he doesn't put her down in a timely manner. To him, she's nothing but trouble, an annoying little pest with stubby teeth and bug eyes - but to see you coming out of your shell makes all of this (almost) worth it. (He'll still try to make you forget about her after the Summit War - but no dice. You love that little pug to death.)

[savi-of-ithaca]

Figured I should ask, what are some fond or interesting memories you have?

oooh do i get an ask in return each time? how delightful of you

welllllll, i guess i'll go youngest to oldest? in the order of memories that come to me

-> in the third grade i was feeding ponies with my classmates and this one pony mistook me for a blade of grass. bit some flesh off my elbow. ow. my teacher was a little more ruffled than me i think, i was fine after it stopped hurting?? had to get 4 shots though

-> it was my aunt's wedding in finland and i had not yet developed inhibition....i fed everyone fresh GRASS on their plates,,,i was laughed at and discovered embarrassment that day. my aunt's cousin's mother tried to comfort me and we couldn't communicate at all due to the language barrier but i don't think i've laughed so hard ever again. we also picked berries in the forest!! such fun.

-> at the same wedding, i think i cried because i thought my aunt looked just like cinderella in her wedding dress and obviously wanted to stand next to her...but the groom got that honour. much to my dismay. now a version of the wedding photo where im really fucking grumpy exists and is framed on my grandparents' wall 😭

-> disneyland, paris. i thought the mickey mouse actor was actually mickey mouse. skipped the whole line in joy. best moment of my baby life

-> when i was summering with my relatives in delhi, there was this little litter of puppies that lived near one of the stalls in the marketplace with their mother. i'd drag my own mother along to see them every single day and somehow wore her down into letting me get my own little pup!! i love bruno

-> i wanted a pomeranian but my dad told me it was far too small and would get hurt in our house because i am rather clumsy, a trait i get from my mother, but amplified. i hesitantly still asked if they had a pomeranian, but the man had said they had pugs. which he claimed were basically the same thing. (not. but im glad.) so then they drove the first little pug here on a fucking SCOOTER and immediately i was in love. the boy was bald. he had NO HAIR on his head and he was still so happy to be here. immediately took him home. tried to name him crystal, dad said that was a stupid name. my friend had told me NOT to name my dog bruno and...well i saw only one thing to do ajshaushs

-> actually we had two guinea pigs, and before that two lovebirds. we didn't want to keep them caged, the birds, so we let them go, but jojo couldn't fly, i think he'd never learnt to iirc? so we had to return him and it was so heartbreaking. but honey was so happy soaring away

-> once when i was littler i liked collecting the dust chalk made. i'd pretend i was brewing concoctions with a little kitchenset and my mom did NOT like cleanup. she was upset and i couldn't for the life of me understand why so i started hiding chalk powder and stressing when i thought she'd find it 😭😭😭😭

-> i adored sudha murthy. i mean loved. i still have stories i remember and that i will tell anyone that hints just the slightest bit of interest in hearing

-> once, my mom told me not to talk to this girl because she thought she was a bad influence on me. i told that straight to the girl's face....to this day barely grasp why my mom didn't tell me not to tell her. how was i supposed to know???

-> i once danced while hula hooping to waka waka for a traditional indian religious festival *shudders in what were me and my friend thinking*

-> i used to love holi. loved loved loved it!! colour, water, music, friends, too bone deep tired for it now though i think

-> there was this one guy who made me and my ex very uncomfortable with weird comments so we just decided to make him uncomfortable back. ended up slighlty stealing his identity

-> more recent, i love making gifts for people. love it so much, my last gifts have been these neat potion bottle things i could show you if you'd like, photos edited to look like polaroids of favourite moments, coupons for hugs and stuff, my favourite memories come from seeing the looks on their faces as they received them. i live for personalised gifts.

-> in the second grade i wrote a story, i just wrote, no plot or really anything to interest you but my english teacher read it each time and gave me notes on the grammar and always encouraged me, which was a very sweet thing to do for a child. definitely encouraged me to write more

-> i used scribble on used paper, literally scribble lines, because that's how adults' handwriting looked to me. then my mom would pretend to grade it. i really do have good childhood memories if i look hard enough

i spoke way too much but i have so many memories to share and if you really are interested, i could always tell you more, and/or you can ask me any multitude of questions <3

[im-a-matt-girl]

"Present"

I look at it, tilting my head. It's so cute, I can't help but smirk a little bit. "So, this is the one?" I ask Nick and Chris.

"Yup, that's the one," Nick nods.

"Perfect color," Chris adds, smiling at it.

"Not that that matters," Nick quickly interjects. "But yeah, I think Matt will love it."

"Okay," I concede. "We'll take it."

We go to make our purchase. It's quite expensive, but it should be well worth it. It is lovingly placed in a box, and I hand it to Nick to carry on the way home while I drive; I don't quite trust Chris with something so fragile.

When we arrive at home, you look suspicious. "What took you guys so long?" you frown, your eyes darting quickly between the three of us. "And what is all of that stuff?" you ask, referring to the bags of stuff that Chris is carrying.

"We got you a surprise," Nick says, holding the box behind his back.

"What is it?" you ask impatiently, a smirk playing on your face.

"We have to close the door, first," I tell you, trying to suppress my giggles of excitement. We all step inside, and you close the door behind us.

We all rush up the stairs, and stand in a circle. Nick carefully places the box on the floor in the middle of us.

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion as you look at the holes in the box, and then it clicks. "OH, MY GOD," you gasp, covering your mouth. "Is that what I think it is!?"

"Open it up and see," Chris says gleefully.

You open the box, revealing the small pug puppy that we picked out for you. The biggest smile I've ever seen in my life illuminates your face as the dog wags its short, curly tail at you. You pick it up, and it immediately starts licking your face happily. "What's his name?" you ask us, your jaw still open in shock.

"You get to name him. He's all yours," I tell you. It fills me with such joy to see you so happy. Nick and Chris are giggling, too.

"You're so cute!" you say to the dog, whose tongue is presently hanging out of his mouth. "I'm gonna name you… Boris."

"Boris!?" Nick yells out loud as Chris and I start cracking up. "The fuck kinda name is that?"

"I dunno, it's the first one that came to mind," you shrug, still smiling at Boris. Your eyes haven't shifted away from him since you took him into your arms. "Hey, Boris! Hey, buddy!" you coo at him in a gentle voice.

I'm just glad that you like your present.