#you probably should not read these if youre extremely sensitive to heavy and dark topics | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lastluvbug · 4 years ago

Note

Your Trick Me Once and Trick Me Twice was amazing! My poor heart ached as I read it. May I request for a situation where Kalim was depressed after the events of Chapter 4;Jamil says something along the lines of "If only you hadn't exist" and Kalim decides to take drastic actions like attempting suicide? You can choose if his attempt is a success or a fail but I do want to see Jamil's reaction to the attempt though. Of course this is only if you are willing to write this. Thank you very much! :)

Toxins

Haha, you guys sure are enjoying the angsty Kalim fics! Oh well, truth be told, I am too! So let’s continue the sadness train!

Warnings: Extreme suicidal tendencies, toxic behavior, and language.

Please do not read if you are sensitive to these topics.

Vermillion skies bled to dark midnight as a little twinkle on the horizon grew into a thousand stars that created shapes and pictures Kalim loved to trace with his fingers.

Twilight, the death of the day, and the birth of the night. A long time ago, it was the part he dreaded with a passion unmatched by any other. After all, when the sun set, that meant today was over, and all those precious times he’d savored were now nothing more than lightly remembered memories soon to be rewritten, or forgotten. But now... well, now that he had no one to fall back on, no one to reach out to, twilight was now the sweetest kiss he could await for, the kiss that he’d wished to feel, but for now could only see.

Caressed by the wisps of wind that held the slightest hint of spice, he leaned back onto his hands, swathed in the moonlight that seemed to spotlight only on him, on the tears that freely dripped down his cheeks like crystals, a sad smile tugging at his lips. Feet dangling over the edge of the too tall balcony, he drank the taste of night, the bittersweet flavor of the dry desert air.

Sleep had long since been a hazy concept, often coming in sporadic periods that sometimes stretched for hours, and sometimes lasted no longer than five minutes. No longer did he carefreely fall into blissful dreamland, no longer did he find comfort in the silk finery of his sheets, or the clothing that had once fit so snuggly over his already lithe body.

Stomach shrunken, fingers bony, cheeks ever so slightly caved in, Kalim had gone from so heathily full, to a frail petal on the edge of falling from its flower of life. He didn’t need to show anyone the way his ribs had replaced the muscle that used to line the bones, didn’t need to explain why he’d suddenly found nitpicking every food that was placed before him as a new hobby. Probably the worst of all, he refused to allow anyone to see the secrets he was hiding, masked with a terrifying expertise he surely shouldn’t be capable of creating.

Riddled with jagged lines that cut over his shoulders, his hips, his thighs, Kalim hid those so well, walking without a single limp, waving without a flinch, acting as if he didn’t feel the sting of reopening wounds whenever he stretched his limbs a little too far, or the dripping of crimson as sparkly as gems down tanned skin. Laughing soundlessly at the tranquil sky, he sniffled, betraying his actions as the glittery sea of bottled sadness spilled from his eyes.

What was perhaps the scariest feeling of all, was that he simply felt... nothing.

All those smiles to his friends, all those sympathetic hugs he offered to classmates in need, he didn’t feel anything through it. It was as if a switch had been turned off; the dark smothered his light, shutting out the emotions that had so clearly made Kalim, Kalim. He could laugh and cry as much as he wished, but that didn’t cover the fact that it was all... fake? Forced? Imitated?

He knew why. He wrote about it every night, in the journal he kept beneath his pillow. He dreamt about it, whenever he could manage even a glimpse of an image past the realm of sleep. He remembered it, he remembered him. His words. The ones that stabbed him in the back, in the heart he thought he could so foolishly bear to someone who’d once been so trusted.

He knew this was all because of Jamil. But he rejected any thought that came within a hundred feet of blaming him. How could he? How could he even begin to blame Jamil, after everything he’d done?

“Hey, Mr. Oblivious. Won’t you pull your head out of your ass for one goddamn second and pay attention?”

Kalim should’ve been listening better, then Jamil wouldn’t have had to tutor him on basic classes.

“Why won’t you just get out of my life? I’ve told you a million times, and I’m done repeating myself. I’m not your friend. I never have been and never will be. Now leave me alone.”

Was he being too pushy? Maybe... maybe he just needed some space.

“Kalim, get the hell out! Good for nothing leech, just get away from me!”

...How much longer can he do this?

Slow, encumbered, Kalim turned his head to the door of his room, waiting, hoping, praying that the handle would turn, and welcome in the one person he wanted to love again, despite the late, late hour. Staring at the wood, he felt numb, expecting something he knew would never happen.

Falling rather ungracefully from the balcony ledge, he dropped onto his wide bed, onto the plush mattress that was deceivingly firm underneath his back, cradling all the wrong places as his covers practically strangled him in the heat. The tears that came this time weren’t born of fear, or anger, but grief and guilt.

Maybe if he’d been more perceptive, maybe if he’d loved just a little harder, things would be different. But... didn’t it amount to anything that he’d tried? That once, Jamil had been treasured like a brother? Didn’t he care at all that Kalim was suffering?

Cuddling into the overwhelming confusion between suppressing heat and empty cold made Kalim’s head spin, and cradled by the hand of the night that so desperately urged its dimming sunshine into sleep, he felt his eyes slip shut, sinking into a slumber that was neither welcoming, nor satisfying.

<————>

Heavy and cold, shivering in warmth, dimmed in light.

Kalim curled in on himself, sleep clothing askew as he gritted his teeth, chest sinking with a fractured stabbing as he hugged his knees to his chest. Just as the nights before, sleep had brought nothing but a dreamless black that he wished he could stay trapped inside, only to awake yet again in a body that only ever seemed to work against him.

Sitting up, he grunted as his wounds burned, flames traveling through his veins as if salt had been rubbed into his cuts. Tears speckled across his eyelashes as he bit back his cry, every breath he took watering the knot that grew in his throat.

He knew then, with the sensation of cracking glass prodding at his chest, with the cloud that dampened his head, with the glaze that formed over his eyes consisting of dammed tears and bottled fear, he couldn’t do it today. He couldn’t go out and act as if everything was alright. He couldn’t smile and laugh like he’d taught himself to. Because every time, it would come out too broken, it would show the feelings he’d worked so hard to conceal.

He needed to make a trip.

Dressing himself was an especially difficult task, as any small movement made his arms scream in protest, his hips cry in red as mended injuries were pried open, his thighs burn like boiling water had been splashed over them. But, biting his cheek and gritting through it, Kalim disregarded his bodily urges to stop, pulling on his school uniform and sloppily tying his turban, slipping on his pointed shoes to complete the look.

He didn’t even note the time as he headed out, feeling unbearably heavy as he glued his gaze to the floor, wandering through the halls of Scarabia. Along the way, he caught the eye of a few students, who waved energetically. He didn’t have the strength to summon even a hint of a smile back, trudging past them as he blinked, shoving down the water that longed to rush down and cool his warm face.

Pinned with the helplessness of being alone, Kalim hesitantly made his way to the mirror portal that led back to Night Raven’s main building, freezing as he noticed who stood against the wall, cleaning the dirt from his nails. Jamil barely acknowledged Kalim until he was within reaching distance, scowling as he met the crimson eyes of the other.

Though he was tugging dangerously hard on a taut string, Kalim inhaled as he brought forth a shimmering smile, betraying the unspoken words in his eyes. “G-G—“ Kalim cleared his throat, swallowing the knot, “Good morning, Jamil! Are you on your way out? I could come with you, if you’d—“

“You’re a damn idiot if you think I want to spend even a second with you. Not that it’s any of your business, but I was waiting for someone.” Jamil clipped, crossing his arms.

“A... Ah, of course! Well, I could still stay with you as you wait for—“

“No. It’s clear they’re not coming. I should get out of here, before I waste anymore brain cells on a useless, incompetent child like you.” Jamil didn’t make eye contact as be pushed off the wall, pushing by Kalim without another word and wandering off into the labyrinth known as Scarabia.

Fists clenched tightly at his sides, Kalim stared blankly into the mirror, watching it swirl and sparkle with ethereal light as he resisted the urge to break down right then and there. He could feel as his legs quivered, on the edge of giving out as his breathing hitched, shallow and shaking.

Still, he followed the path set aside in his mind, almost missing a step as he practically fell into the portal, whisking away to the Mirror Hall.

Emerging on the otherside, he almost breathed a sigh of relief when no one was there to greet him but the dead silence of morning. Instead of bouncing off to class like he would’ve had he the stability to paint on a pretty smile like any other day, he made a sharp detour to a certain portal he never saw himself going into.

Stepping into it, he squared his shoulders, prepping himself with failing encouragements for the conversation that needed to succeed.

<————>

“Dorm head Vil. Pardon the intrusion, but you have a visitor.”

The blonde looked up from his vanity, pausing mid stroke and setting his mascara down. “Oh? Let them in, I’m not busy.” He shrugged, standing to his full height, enhanced by his heeled shoes.

“Of course,” the underclassman nodded, stepping out of the room to allow in said visitor.

Kalim felt weirdly out of place in the proper Pomefiore, despite having been raised in sumptuous royalty since birth, and setting foot into Vil’s positively sparkling room made him wince inaudibly with guilt. His bone slim fingers twitched with anxiety, a dark shade over his eyes as he stepped before the taller boy, only scarcely making visionary contact. “Good day to you, Vil,” he blandly greeted, grinding his teeth together in a smile that looked more like a grimace.

“...And to you, as well Kalim. Is there something you needed?” The white haired dorm leader shuddered, offering no explanation before pouring out the dialogue he’d rehearsed a hundred times in his head.

“Well, you see... I’d like to ask you if you could make me a poison. Something fast acting, and easily hidden, that doesn’t smell too horrible.”

Vil flinched, pupils dilated and mouth agape as the request spilled from Kalim’s lips. He... wanted a what? For who? Why? “E-Excuse me? Kalim, what are you thinking?” Vil near yelled, balling his fists at his sides.

“O-Oh uh...” Kalim scratched the back of his head, feigning an awkward look as he chuckled. “It’s for educational purposes. I’ve been cooking for myself lately, and knowing me, I’m likely to accidentally poison myself!” He laughed boisterously, perceived differently by both listeners. “So I figured you’d be the one to go to, right? Unless... maybe I should’ve tried doing it on my own...” His voice trailed off, Vil’s hand on his chin, debating within himself.

Kalim popped a sad smile that didn’t appear so outwardly as Vil returned the act, a smirk falling to his painted lips as he extended a hand towards the prince. “Very well. Of course, coming to me is obviously the smartest idea someone like you could’ve come up with, but sit down first. You look absolutely atrocious.” Vil scoffed, gesturing to the seat before his vanity.

Reluctantly taking a seat, Kalim felt the insult dig deeper beneath his skin than it should’ve, crushing his hands under his thighs as he obediently followed Vil’s instructions, lips pulled into a thin line.

With momentary strokes and too gentle touches, Kalim couldn’t help but think of Jamil, seeing his gold speckled coal black hair and stony grey eyes instead of Vil’s blonde and amethyst. He used to do this too, every morning, dragging a brush dipped in black over Kalim’s thick lashes, dabbing red onto the corners of his eyes, thumb and first finger gripping his chin and tilting his head when need be.

A cold stab to his heart snapped Kalim from his short lived memories, reminding him of his purpose for coming to Pomefiore. “All done. Now that you look presentable, please, follow me.” Vil clapped, stepping away from the fellow leader and clicking off. Scrambling after him, Kalim gripped the fabric of his sweater tightly, biting his lip.

They didn’t travel too far, Kalim following closely behind Vil as he unlocked his bathroom door. Arriving in the room, Kalim toed the polished white tile, the lights fixed into the ceiling seeming to spotlight him as opposed to the beauty guru who swooped low to open the cabinets under the sink.

Inside were a number of brightly colored liquids, some transparent as water, others dotted with plant shavings or objects Kalim didn’t want to recognize. “Fast acting... sweet smelling, easily hideable, is that correct?” Vil quizzed, the twinkling of glass clacking against glass filling Kalim’s ears.

“Exactly,” he nodded into the mirror, averting his gaze quickly.

Vil didn’t reply, merely smiling devilishly before bringing out a small cauldron and three different bottles. Apprehension pulled Kalim taut as he watched the taller begin to explain his process, acetic irony making him soundlessly sneer. From poisoned to poisoner.

“On most occasions, a poison of this sort wouldn’t be possible to make, seeing as you want it to be not only quick to show results, but also pleasant-smelling. But, since you are working with the best, I believe we can make it work.” Vil boasted, uncapping and pouring the first vial into the cauldron. “This one is for the rapid dissemination,” the second, “this one for scent,” the third, “and this one for dilution, to water down the color, though still deadly.”

Kalim watched in wonder as Vil stirred the liquid, eyes wide and trained on the poison. Though at the beginning, an arrant black that made him scrunch his nose in disgust, the more Vil continued to churn, the color began bubbling with splashes of transparency. By the end, it was water-clear, and almost overpoweringly reeked of florals.

“Ah, there we are,” Vil smiled, laying a delicate hand on his cheek. Once again swooping low, he retrieved an empty bottle, ever so carefully filling it with the solution and capping it. “I haven’t made any antidote for this particular poison, so it may be in your best interest for me to hold onto it presently.” Vil cautioned, placing the ewer just out of reach while Kalim’s eyes shadowed.

“A-Are you sure? You can trust me, I’ll be careful with it!” Kalim argued, smiling wide to prove his point.

“Hm, I’m not a fool. I feel it would be for your safety if it was in my care until I create an antidote.” Vil refuted, sternly said, toying with the intricately designed cap.

Kalim chewed his tongue, clenching and unclenching his fists as he formulated a plan. Beaming a smile to Vil that seemed so outwardly innocent, he bowed slightly, showing his appreciation. “I see. Thank you for your time anyways, Vil.” He lied through his teeth, rising from his bow and bouncing off.

He didn’t risk a glance behind him as he stepped out of the senior’s room, shutting the door gingerly behind him. Scanning the gorgeously decorated hallway, he identified objects that could be used to his advantage, closing his eyes as he snapped the steps of his newly formed plan together.

Tiptoeing over to a vase that rose slightly above his head on a marble pedestal, he yanked the flowers that sprouted from the top out, tossing them on the floor as regret rooted itself into his heart. He internally apologized for what he was about to do, knowing full well that no one would hear him.

Winding his arms around the pot, his knees buckled as he dropped the weight of it in his arms, the arms that could barely lift his body mass. The water inside sloshed around, jumping onto his face as he regained his footing, tilting the porcelain prize and leading a trail of water around the corner of the hall. Repositioning himself in the indigo drapery of the curtain closest to Vil’s room, he swallowed a deep breath, hurling the expensive decoration as far as he could, cringing as the sound of shattering filled the hallway.

He hid himself in the curtain just in time, as Vil’s door burst open, slamming against the wall as he stormed out, empty handed. “What in the— Rook! Rook, go chase down Epel! That little scamp destroyed another vase, and made some pretty little prank out of it too.” Vil barked, Kalim cowering behind the curtain as the older stomped off.

“Sorry, Epel-kun,” he whispered, before creeping out from the curtain and darting back into Vil’s room.

Snatching the vial from Vil’s bathroom countertop was surprisingly easy, Kalim tucking it into his pocket as he scampered out once again, heartbeat amuck. Sneaking along the walls, he beelined away from the mess he’d created, turning a blind eye to it as he pushed open a random door in the hope that it was some sort of exit.

Instead, he welcomed himself to the Pomefiore lounge, where a handful of boys were lined up before Vil and Rook, Epel amongst them, who all twisted to stare at the invader. “Kalim? What are you still doing here?” Vil badgered, arms crossed.

“U-Uh... you see...” Kalim ducked his head in fabricated humiliation. “...I got lost... I couldn’t find the exit.” He whined, a few of the students laughing as Vil sighed.

“Rook, please escort Kalim out. I need to have a word with you lot.” The leader threateningly smiled, the laughter immediately ceasing.

“Of course, Roi de Poison! Come now, Kalim, we shall leave these heathens to their due punishments!” Rook singsonged, spinning over to the white door where he stood.

Kalim looked over to Epel, who had his face scrunched in confusion and fear, an apology spelled in his gaze that the purple haired boy only caught at the last minute, Kalim vanishing behind the door as Rook pulled it shut.

“Oh, what a tragedy! The rowdy boys of our dorm destroyed a simply magnifique vase crafted of the finest quality! On top of that, they made a mess of the hall too...” Vil’s overly extra vice leader boohooed, the flowy feather of his hat bouncing in an imaginary wind.

“Really...? Why would they do that?” Kalim asked, as if he didn’t already know they answer.

“I wish I could say. I often wonder what goes on in those spoiled little brains of theirs.” Rook replied, falling into a solemn silence Kalim relished.

The early blue sky hadn’t before been such a treat to the Scarabia dorm head, the boy thanking Rook briefly for the guidance. “Of course! Do come again!” He laughed, waving briskly and waltzing back inside the rather stuffy building.

Sneaking a victoriously pitiful smile, Kalim pulled out the stolen toxin, only holding it to the sun as he stood before the mirror portal.

It wasn’t supposed to be so easy.

A tiny part of him had wished it hadn’t been.

<————>

The school day came and went in a blur of colors, voices, and assignments that flew right past Kalim’s head.

He wasn’t fully there when he agreed to walk with Azul, the Leech twins joining not to long after. Happy conversation tied between the threads of three complementary personalities weaved around Kalim, who remained uncharacteristically silent throughout the exchange. He was too busy twirling the stolen poison in his pocket, and had been for the whole day, debating his very existence instead of interacting with his peers as he normally would.

The quiet wasn’t overlooked by the three, though Floyd was the one to finally put voice to the thought the Octavinelle trio shared. “Hey, Sea Otter~ is something wrong? What’s with the face?” He cooed, downturned eyes for once actually bearing a dollop of sadness.

“Hm...? Oh, um—“ Kalim shook his head, pulling a smile to his face that looked more dismal than welcoming, “—of course! I’m a little tired, is all! Y’know, Trein’s lessons can put anyone to sleep, even me!” Kalim laughed, mutual discomfort shared between the Leeches as Azul fixed his glasses.

“Kalim, would you like to accompany us back to Mostro Lounge?” Azul offered, having picked up on Kalim’s abnormal behavior. “We could always use someone like you to brighten up the atmosphere.”

“Yes, Azul is right. You know how to play the drums, correct? Why don’t you pair up with Floyd? You’ll put on a show that’ll attract dozens to the Lounge.” Jade smiled, eyes shut out of joy.

For a moment, Kalim thought about it, giving them the false hope that maybe, he’d agree. He felt remorse sink its claws into his brain, making him shake his head as the three strolled by the open courtyard, a flash of red, gold, and black making Kalim freeze as he identified the person behind the Scarabian shades. “A-Actually, I had plans already,” he fibbed, stepping back to put distance between himself and the trio, “I was going to meet Jamil in the courtyard. Sorry guys.” He bowed, shoving his hand back into his pocket to fiddle with the bottle.

Azul perked an eyebrow. “Jamil wanted to meet up? With you?”

“Uh, yep! Told me this morning!” Kalim smiled, trying to wave off the suspicion that the fellow second years exuded.

“Oh? I thought that you and Sea Snake had—“ Floyd began, but Kalim was already dancing away before he could continue.

“Sorry, don’t want to keep him waiting!” He shouted, coughing after he stepped outside. It wasn’t often he had the voice to be so loud anymore.

“Should we pursue this, Azul?” Jade asked calmly, Floyd’d signature careless grin upside down in a glower.

“...No. It’s Kalim, he’ll figure it out himself. It’s about time he learned how to do so.” He coldly decided, pushing his glasses up. “Come, we have business elsewhere.”

“Of course,” both Leeches replied, though Floyd couldn’t hide the somewhat concerned look he sent over his shoulder, before disappearing with his fellow Octavinelle members.

In the courtyard, Kalim looked around confused, having been so sure that he saw Jamil walking around from the hallway. “Surely, he didn’t leave... wouldn’t I have seen it if he did?” He puzzled, approaching the stone well located in the middle of the wide yard space. He briefly caught a glimpse of his striated reflection in the impossibly dark water at the bottom, hastily breaking the contact to look up.

Through the strings attached to the wood bucket, Kalim’s maroon irises set themselves beneath the apple tree, to the person who sat so daintily upon the black-rimmed bench. With his hair brushed over his shoulder, Jamil crossed his legs, immersed in a thick book that Kalim couldn’t quite make out thanks to the gap. Sprinkled in the choppy afternoon sunlight, he looked more like an ethereal angel than the traitorous student he was to Kalim, so deceivingly beautiful.

Exhilaration, and dare he say, a spark of hope, flared in him, a genuine smile splitting his face as he sashayed closer. Believing that he had the courage to mend the bridge that had been severed from both directions, he stopped a meter from the bench, attracting Jamil’s attention, who shot him a dirty look, tearing himself from his readings.

“What is it you want now, Kalim?” He spat, holding the book up.

“I... I saw you from the hallway and I...” It was as if he’d forgotten how to speak, words working against him.

“Congratulations for using your eyes, dimwit. If you’ve come to be nothing but a stuttering fool, see to it that you leave me alone.”

Kalim squeezed his lips shut, heeding Jamil’s advice as he awkwardly looked up, to the apples that grew plentifully from the strong tree overhead.

Courage slowly being whittled down to an embarrassing pit, Kalim forced himself to smile once more, pulling his hand from his pocket. Taking a seat beside Jamil, he gripped the edge of the bench, leaning over the side to peer at the cover, and, riskily enough, Jamil’s tranquil features.

They didn’t stay tranquil for long, as grey orbs met Kalim’s enchanted red ones, scowling as he noisily slammed his book shut. “What?” He seethed.

“Nothing, I just—“ he cut himself off, unwilling to live the lie any longer, “I miss you, alright? I miss—“

“No, don’t start. Screw this, I’m leaving.” Jamil growled, tucking his book under his arm and stomping away.

“Jamil! Jamil, wait...!” Kalim called. Panicked as the vice refused to listen, he hopped up, rushing over to him and pulling on his arm, book falling to ground in a flurry of aged pages. A thunderous boom exploded in the courtyard as it collided with the ground, Jamil whipping around, arm still locked in Kalim’s grip.

“Jamil, please! I’ve tried so hard to take care of myself, but I need you!” He confessed, tears brimming. “I need your—“

“Shut up!” Jamil yelled, making Kalim flinch as he tore his arm away. Turning the tables, he spun, shoving a finger into Kalim’s chest as he grew red from anger. “What you need is to grow up! Do you understand how much you’ve hindered my life, because you just “need me so much”?” He kept shoving his first finger into Kalim’s chest, making him stumble backwards. “I wasn’t able to have a normal childhood because of you! I had to hide who I was, because of you! And now you need me? You must be a goddamn idiot, even after all this time!” Jamil accused, Kalim staggering as he tripped over himself trying to back away.

He refused to let his tears fall, Jamil continuing with his rant as his back hit the apple tree, both of them speckled in the magical light, despite the argument. “It would’ve been better if no one came to save you whenever you were kidnapped!” Kalim choked a sob, meeting Jamil’s murky eyes as the taller seized the collar of his shirt, slamming him back into the trunk of the tree.

Kalim gasped as his head thwacked against the wood, Jamil so close he could feel his uneven breathing. “If only you’d never existed.” He whispered, shoving a hatred dipped dagger into Kalim’s heart as he dropped the boy, Kalim’s legs giving out as he fell to the ground, eyes glazed and distant.

Stomping away, Jamil grabbed his book and left the courtyard, steam practically pouring from his ears as red hot anger guided his feet as far from Kalim as possible.

Dropped unceremoniously on the grass, the silvery haired dorm leader slumped over, bleak and broken as he stared to nowhere at all, shoved over the dam that had both blocked his sugary tears, and kept him from drowning in the ocean of self hatred and doubt that now had full access to Kalim’s entirety.

Numbly, Kalim picked himself up, ambling towards the school corridors once more as his eyes dried, hand reaching back into his pocket and this time, pulling out the vial within.

The clear liquid swished around, seeming so harmless in its elegant bottle.

Kalim hoped with everything he had left in him that it would be quick.

<————>

The beat of his heart had never been so loud before.

Erratic and off timed, electric volts shot throughout his hands, every pulse of blood throbbing in the tips of his toes, the center of his chest, the thin muscles of his legs. A formless noose of cold anticipation wound itself tighter around his throat, strangling the words that longed to be said from a voice that wouldn’t again speak. Tears pooled in his deep red eyes, though Kalim couldn’t fathom why, since he waited all this time just for the moment of peace that wouldn’t remain so peaceful.

Lying with his back against the end of his bed, Kalim rested his head on the firm wood, clenching the small bottle of poison Vil had specially created that morning in one fist, his journal in the other. Tilting his head to look at the moon, always a perfect circle, and always smiling down at him despite the action he was so close to making. He was tempted to smile back, but uncapping the bottle and smelling the rosy scent that wafted from it, he was reminded why it was he couldn’t.

Dropping the book inked with the thoughts he’d neither shared nor broke free from, he watched as it fell, slamming on the floor loudly and torn between pale light and shadows. Inside, a letter was tucked in the smudged pages, the last note that would be written in his swirly handwriting. He prayed that Jamil would take the time to read it, but he didn’t want to hold his breath.

Lifting the graceful vial to his lips, he felt his tears drip down his supple cheeks, for what seemed like the first time, fear dripped into his soul.

He was scared. What would be waiting for him after...? Would this really fix his wrongs? Would it... make up for what he did to Jamil?

“No,” he thought gently, pressing the glass to the plush flesh of his lips, “it’s not for you. It’s for everyone else.”

Hungry for a distraction, he looked to his door, locked for safe measures, keeping any prying intruders away. He didn’t want anyone to stop him. He needed to this, needed to make up for the years of pain he’d brought to those around him. Though, he did regret not getting a second chance to apologize to Jamil, the scuffle from before helping him realize that Jamil truly didn’t want anything to do with him. He deserved this. He earned it.

Finally, setting his dulled gaze on the moon once more, he leaned the glass up, pouring the liquid into his mouth and swallowing it in a single gulp.

It was excruciatingly bitter, burning trails down his throat as he gagged, dropping the vial as his hands squeezed his neck. The feeling didn’t stop no matter how tightly he wound his fingers around the skin, the bubbly fire spreading throughout his chest and dripping into his stomach, iron-tasting blood seeping out through his parted lips.

His vision swam with black, his body betraying him as he lost the fight in him, leaning back on the end of his bed, sitting with his legs stretched out on the floor and hands numbly dropped into his lap. It no longer felt painful as he struggled to keep his eyes open, the midnight-dark blood dribbling over his chin to settle on his clothes.

He had time for only one last thought, jumbled and lost to the winds of his mind, never to be voiced.

“I... I’m sorry... for every breath I took. I’m envious Jamil, that you had the strength to carry on for so long... Me? I couldn’t last half a year in your shoes... I’m not a fighter... I’m not even strong enough to look you in the eye. I hope—I hope this did something for you... I hope this... brings an end to your suffering.”

For a moment, he saw his life flash before his eyes. The games he used the play when he was little, the laughter he used to share with his siblings, the friends he made, the fight that cost him his best friend... they all seemed to burn away as he stared at the moon, ever the lively spirit.

But, just like a candle whose fire was blown out, he snapped, going limp in the paleness of his room.

Sat on the floor, leaning against his bed, Kalim Al-Asim took his last breath, light finally snuffed out for good.

<————>

Clomping down the corridors of Scarabia, Jamil pulled his hood over his silky braided hair, something indescribable cracking in his chest.

He hadn’t seen Kalim at dinner that evening, off putting Jamil’s behavior as he pondered over the reason behind the change. Ever since Kalim announced them as “equals,” Jamil had been rather lax with his servant duties, cooking only for himself instead of for the prince, refusing to wake him in the morning, and so on. But tonight... tonight was the first night he noticed Kalim’s absence in the mess hall.

Asking around had revealed that the white haired dorm leader had been skipping the meal for quite some time, furthering Jamil’s confusion as he followed his planned track to Kalim’s room. How long hadn’t he been eating? Was he really that afraid to ask someone else for help? The idiot.

Jamil gritted his teeth. The absence hadn’t been the only reason he was so adamant on checking Kalim.

He wanted to—and damn him for saying it— he wanted to apologize. Ever since that afternoon, when he laid hands on Kalim, he felt strange, almost guilty. Maybe it was true that Kalim was overly clingly and immature, but it wasn’t his place to hurt him the way he did. Not only that, but...

Jamil furrowed his eyebrows, glaring at nothing in particular as he tried to assemble a puzzle that was missing far too many pieces. The gnawing in his stomach continued as he trudged down the hall, bringing a fist to his cheek as he nibbled on his lower lip.

Kalim had been so... thin. Like all the muscle on his body had just melted off, leaving skin and bones as replacement. Before the overblot, Kalim had been almost neck-and-neck with Jamil when it came to physique, always healthily svelte, while the dark haired servant became more toned thanks to the dirty work he often found himself in. But now—now Jamil could only describe Kalim as frail, dangerously near skeletal.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Jamil tried and failed to remember how easy it had been to slam Kalim into the wall, to pin him using barely an ounce of his strength. The usually cheery boy’s helpless face flashed in the darkness, stained with tear tracks and shock as Jamil walked off, not even a glance over his shoulder to accompany him.

How long had it been since Kalim properly took care of himself?

“Doesn’t matter,” Jamil clucked quietly, reopening his eyes to see that the end of the hall, and the door leading to the grand bedroom, was closely approaching, “I’ll just get him to tell me. He’ll be back to the old Kalim in no time. Idiots never change, after all.” He quipped, though the tremor in his voice sounded more like a timid reassurance than a witty remark.

Stopping a few inches from the door, Jamil bit his tongue, debating what he was trying to say as he pulled his hood down. Cautiously bringing his hand to the door, he faltered for a split second, as if in fear the wood would reach out and bite him. Three quick short knocks bounced off the hall walls, magnified in Jamil’s ears as he was met with silence. “Kalim, it’s Jamil. Can I—I come in?” He stuttured, surprising himself.

When, yet again, late night quiet was his response, he felt the need to double over, uneasiness eating his gut. Knocking again, Jamil placed his ear on the door, listening for the rustle of clothing, or the scuff of shoes on stone. “Kalim?” He tried, hand slithering down to the brass knob. “Kalim, answer me or I’m coming in.”

Still nothing.

Dread coiling in his core, his arms stiffened as he turned the handle, finding it firmly held in place. Frantically jiggling it, he used a shoulder to push at the wood, feeling it give way ever so slightly. “Last warning, or I’m busting in, Kalim. Open the door.” He deadpanned, taking a step back.

The third round of the silent treatment sent Jamil over the edge, the vice shaking out his hands before balling them, running shoulder first into the door. It swelled, before dropping back in the same place, Jamil repeating the process over and over until his shoulder was decorated in a blossoming bruise and there was a hole just big enough for him to weasel his hands through.

Wincing at the sting in his skin, Jamil pushed his hand through the cracked wooden hole, maneuvering his arm so that he could reach the lock from the handle. Twisting it, a satisfying click rendered the door openable, Jamil yanking his scratched arm from the door panel.

“Alright, Kalim, was that necessary? I understand that I—!” Jamil froze as he swung the door open, letting a swath of light from the hall slip into the dorm leader’s exquisite room.

His heart skipped a beat as his blood chilled, eyes stretching impossibly wide while the air fueling his lungs seemed to be syphoned out of him.

There, just barely discernible from the dark, Kalim sat motionlessly. His eyes were sealed with his thick lashes, mouth parted as blood dribbled down to the neck of his clothes. He lie still, propped up by the bedside, a transparent purple vial close by, glinting in the light.

One moment... two moments... three, until Jamil shrieked out Kalim’s name, throwing the door completely open and rushing inside.

Sliding and dropping to his knees before the body, Jamil softly lifting him into his embrace as he called for anyone to come help, to come save what had clearly been lost.

“Kalim... Kalim, wake up...! I know you’re stronger than this! Get up, move, do something! Please, please wake up...!” Jamil cried, brushing the hair away from his forehead. “I-I’m sorry I pushed you earlier... I’m sorry I l-left you alone for so long. I... I didn’t mean what I said, you know I didn’t! I’m sorry, I’m sorry but please, just open your eyes... laugh one more time. Smile...? Anything... just... wake up...”

Nothing. Kalim was cold, and not a single breath heaved from his bony chest.

“Somebody help me!” The plea was cracked, echoeing about as Jamil suppressed tears, tears that shouldn’t even exist.

He asked for this. Every damn night, he asked for this. He wished with every part of what he was for Kalim to be kidnapped, for him to shunned, for him to rot in a ditch. He hated Kalim—no, he despised him.

So why the hell did it hurt so much?

Why did every look at his pale face stab his heart in a way watching an abused puppy limp did? Why did he care that Kalim was feather light, that it felt as if he was holding a pile of bones rather than a person? Why were there tears dripping from his hatred powered eyes?

Trembling with the force of fear, disbelief, and stigma, Jamil’s ears didn’t recognize the orchestra of shouts and gasps that rang out behind him as Scarabia students acted upon his words, calling for teachers and help alike. He didn’t realize just how many tears slid from his face to Kalim’s bloodied clothes, soaking the fabric. He could only stare numbly at Kalim’s once so buoyant features, at the eyes that would never again light up with joy whenever Jamil entered the room. At the cheeks that would never again heat up in a blush that was the product of his profuse smiling. At the lips that would never, ever utter a single syllable, or pull into a grin that made even the sun look like a busted light bulb.

Moreso than that... Jamil heaved breathy sobs at the discoveries he made hidden all over Kalim’s body. His arms, mutilated with self inflicted wounds that never properly healed. His torso, tenuous and more bone than skin. He wouldn’t let himself go any further, already shaken to the core by the sick scavenger hunt.

The tears felt hollow and empty, painfully slow in their race to his jaw, grip crushing on Kalim’s shoulders.

He fought with a vigor that put three boys in the infirmary when help finally arrived, Kalim being wrestled away from his protective grasp and off to who knows where. He didn’t settle down until Kalim was carried off somewhere, far outside of Jamil’s view, and was left with the worthless consolation from people he didn’t care to see.

The only thing that ran through his head was the fact that he’d been the cause of this. That he was the one who pushed Kalim too far. That it should’ve been him to die instead.

Hours later, Jamil slept in Kalim’s now unoccupied room, stumbling upon a certain bound journal that just begged to be explored.

<————>

Why was it that the saddest moments always happened on sunny days? Was it the sun laughing at the earth’s struggles? Was it nature’s way of trying to ease the pain?

Jamil had no response for his questions, dressed in his formal wear as he stared somberly down at the glass casket, the temporary bed for Kalim’s lifeless body. Today would be the last day he ever saw him, as in less than an hour, Kalim’s family would be arriving to take their brother, their cousin, their son, home.

“Hey Kalim...” Jamil muttered, kneeling before the casket. “I, uh... I wanted to say goodbye, one last time. You’ll be with your family now, they’re taking you back to the Land of Hot Sands, where you’ll get a proper burial.” He said, studying Kalim’s blissfully expressionless face.

It was so strange, seeing him so calm. It looked like he was sleeping, like he could wake at any moment and pull Jamil into a hug that he would reciprocate with all of his strength, had he the opportunity.

“It’s not fair...” He whispered as a ray of light painted over Kalim, making his white tuxedo almost blinding. “Even in the afterlife, everything about you is so... so happy. Not a cloud in the sky, the sun shining on the horizon, it seems fitting. You were always... the sun to my moon.” Jamil admitted, a realization striking him like a lightning bolt.

“Oh, I um... I read this last night,” Jamil held up the black journal he’d found in Kalim’s room, “Kalim, why did you keep yourself hidden like that? You didn’t have to—you know you didn’t have to! You shouldn’t have done this to yourself, because of me. You should’ve... should’ve...”

Should’ve what? It wasn’t Kalim’s fault he felt that way... it was his. Jamil knew that.

“I know it’s a little—no, very, very late, but I... I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Those words don’t mean anything now that you can’t even hear me, but I need to say them. I need you to know that I’m sorry...!” He felt his eyes damped, and using the back of his hand, he wiped away the water that hadn’t even spilled yet. “Kalim, you were right, okay?! You were right! You may have needed me, but I needed you more! You gave me my freedom, even after I threw you to your death! I had so much pent up anger, I didn’t... didn’t know what to do with it!”

The dawning of the truth set Jamil’s waterworks into action, a pretty blush darkening his cheeks as his shattered weeping rose into the air. This was it. Kalim would never smile, laugh, speak again. Never. He wouldn’t ride a magic carpet, or sit on the balcony of the lounge, or even take another breath.

He was gone.

Undeniably, irrevocably, gone.

Sniffling, Jamil placed the journal in Kalim’s hands, having written his own letter inside. “I figured, your family deserved to see your last words. And my apology. There’s not much left for me to say... but thank you. You were never in the wrong, it was me. Thank you, for being so forgiving, even in my darkest hours. Thank you, for staying by my side. Thank you, Kalim, for being the brother I didn’t realize I needed.”

Standing, Jamil leaned over Kalim, the one he took for granted. Sliding his hand over his eyelids, he bent down, pressing a kiss to his forehead, the way he did when they were little. “Goodbye.” He breathed, before parting ways, beads of saltwater still trickling down as he trekked off, fists balled tightly at his sides.

<————>

Dear Kalim,

I’ve had little time to ponder over your passing. Over the very certitude that you’re not here anymore. But in that little time, I’ve arrived at a single conclusion, that can’t begin to express my emotions.

I said I hated you. I said I wished you’d never existed. I said I wanted you out of my life. And, I used to mean those words. I used to believe that if you one day disappeared, everything wrong with me would suddenly right itself, that you were the source of my suffering.

But... only now, when you’ve really departed, do I see that I was so incurably mistaken.

I was the cause of your pain, as once upon a time, I thought you to be mine. I’m the fool, for having ignored you for so long. I’m the fool, for pushing you beyond your limits. I’m the fool, for pretending to hate you, even as I myself, was at the mercy of your charms.

When we were young, I treasured you like family. We fought like siblings do, we laughed as brothers, we grew as a pair. It’s impossible to set a specific date, but somewhere along the way, something changed. Suddenly, you were no longer my brother. Suddenly, you were my rival, my enemy that I could never escape.

I know the penmanship of my woes could never bring you back, I am painfully aware of that. I am beside myself that it took your death for me to grasp that the reason I never left your side was because I didn’t hate you.

I never left you, because I was afraid.

I was afraid that you’d lose the need for me. I was afraid that you’d leave me behind. Moreover, I was terrified of losing you, like I have now.

That smile of yours, the one that never ends, and never fails to bring laughter to even the coldest of hearts, that was what I wanted to preserve. That was what I wanted you to keep, if nothing else.

I’m truly sorry, sorry beyond what words can say.

I pray that one day, you’ll smile again. It’s far too late for me now, but I want you to know that you were my best friend, Kalim Al-Asim.

You were what I strived to be.

I just wished I had the gall to admit it sooner.

Written truthfully,

Jamil Viper

Yet another request finished! Thank you @etervenislucifen for the ask!

I hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading!

Stay lovely!!

#twisted wonderland #jamil viper #kalim al asim #twst #angst #vil schoenheit #azul ashengrotto #jade leech #floyd leech

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mordigen · 4 years ago

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Wicca is a Sex Cult - you won’t change my mind. Pt 1

I have always had a since of unbelonging and curiosity my entire life. So, I’d like to believe that my ‘path’ in the craft has been eternal. But, if we are scrutinizing - I guess you could say it didn’t really begin until I was about 9-11 years olde. Can’t remember the precise age or year - just how it went, and my friends that started on that path with me. When you are olde enough to start developing your own likes and interests, olde enough to start having questions about anything and everything in the world around you - and young enough to have complete reckless abandon and lack of frontal lobe development to indulge such questions, curiosities, and probably otherwise, not the *smartest* of explorations. But boy, did we make some memories.

But this was also the time when only the ~rich folk~ had internet in their homes, where the rest of us were reduced to the free 10 minute sessions at the public library which came with the intrusive screaming of dial-up, met with properly humiliating glares of disgust and disapproval that was just too much for a bunch of pre-teens to handle. So what other options could were we possibly left with? Well, if you had guessed the idle corners of book stores’ New Age sections, you would be correct, friends! And what else could be found on New Age shelves in the early-mid 90s but Wicca in all it’s Llewelyn glory?? Nothing, friends. The answer is nothing, unless you hoped to find a few odd horoscopes, a token copy of the Necronomicon stashed away behind some UFO conspiracies from the O.G. David Childress & Co. But if you were looking for anything spiritual in nature beyond the status quo puritan American heritage? Nothing, friends - except Wicca.

So, needless to say - this was my only experience at this age with anything magically or pagan inclined whatsoever. Now, I came from an immigrant family, lived in an immigrant neighborhood, went to an international school with friends of immigrant families so we were well versed in stories of other customs and cultures - but always in an intangible way. Just stories, things of fictions or long-dead ancestors which no longer exist. I personally came from a mixed-bag family, Irish Pagan, Southern Methodist, strict Catholic, Native Shamans. So religious discussions were always heated topics of animosity - so people just didn’t talk about it, either out of spite and grudges, or just to avoid constant fights. So though I had family that participated in pagan rites, they didn’t talk about them - and they certainly weren’t teaching me anything (not yet anyhow, more on that later) So these books we perused, for hours without buying to the chagrin of the bookstore employees, were really the only introduction and information we had to go on with regards to anything spiritually related to the magical or to the pagan - and we took it as gospel, as we didn’t know any better - and I simply thought this was the modern term used today for a whole vast array of pagans and witchcraft followers. I thought it was a modern day term for a very olde religion. That is what I truly believed for years, especially with my Irish background - and the very heavy Irish influence in Gardener’s foundation of his religion, I felt like YES - I had finally found what had been calling to me for all these years. This was right, this is what I was meant to be - as a lot of the tales he recounted I had remembered being told, or reading, in my families books and stories my entire life. I recognized the names. I knew what “feast days” he was referring to - this was my blood, my heritage - and this MUST be what my family and ancestors had been following - and this MUST have been why I felt so out of place for so long : I was meant to find this.

It was awe inspiring, it was liberating. It was exhilarating.....until it wasn’t. One day, after restocking the shelves with a new shipment, did we stumble across the works of Gardener himself. Wherein book after book, chapter after chapter, detailed the use of ‘Skyclad’ rituals and initiations through the ‘Great Rite’ and meditation through the ‘Great Rite’, and visualization through the ‘Great Rite’, and energy rising through the ‘Great Right’ and just about anything and everything through the use of the ‘Great Rite’ or some incarnation thereof. In the particular books that we read, there were even specific instructions on how to handle ritual situations involving young children and minors, with or without parental involvement, and the importance of secrecy.

This should be a red flag to anyone with a brain cell.

But, for some reason, it wasn’t. My friends ate it up - the fact that they were being referred to, and treated, as adults and equals. What is more enticing to a bunch of hormonal preteens/teens who are certain they know everything, than to be treated as the adults they are very certain they absolutely are? We even had intent debates and discussions with each other where we defended that it was completely respectable and not at all inappropriate. We hung on the language they used as proof that, see, they are not creeps - it is at our discretion, and intimacy level. Using words to be extremely specific about consent, and age, and detailing liaisons between mentors/students and members/High Priest(ess)es to not take place until they are of age and to be very mindful of that at all times. It felt all sorts of wrong to me at the time, but I was in complete denial - it just felt uncomfortable because it was new to me. We made arguments that our very strict, closed-minded Christian influence was why it felt uncomfortable.

As a now wizened adult, not only is this “language” and position the very same argument pedophiles use to skirt the law and rationalize their actions as simple fantasies and free speech, but there is the bigger issue of the “secrecy”. Officially, on record, they are pillars of responsibility and advocates or legal boundaries and sensitivity -- but behind closed doors, don’t ask, don’t tell. Whilst making a not-so-subtle point to acknowledge all the legal boundaries, in the same breath they advocate the freewill, and consent of the member - regardless of age. Making the not so intuitive leap to assume that age is an afterthought if the member should be a willing participant. Nonevermind to the impressionable mind and intimidation or persuasion a younger member may be susceptible to - if they agree, then whose to stop them? Using the guise of secrecy as an underlying tenet of the faith. They aren’t “hiding” anything if their rites and rituals and teachings are just an understood secret knowledge only bestowed upon the most worthy individuals - or even that they are protecting the sanctity of such important rites by not publicly discussing them all willy-nilly. Nor do they bat an eye on the fact that presenting these rites and secrecy in such a prestigious manner would lead a younger audience even more inclined to actively participate, AND more inclined to also stayed shut-lipped about it -- as why wouldn’t they?? They are special. They are the chosen ones. They aren’t like everyone else - not just ANYONE would be allowed this opportunity. These are classic grooming techniques, that you can find examples of in the cases of sex offenders and sexual predators all over the world, let alone key tenets seen in nearly every other publicly recognized sex cults - so why is Wicca the exception?

What bothers me more looking back at these discussions we had is that they were completely unprovoked -- nobody had challenged us, nobody had warned us that this sounds fucked up - no one had ever tried to stop us or steer us away. This was just our knee-jerk topic of discussion and reaction to what we CHOSE to follow. We knew from the get-go that there was something shady going on, our gut and our subconscious was screaming at us to not be those dumb little girls....and we were desperately trying to rationalize it to ourselves without realizing that’s exactly what we were doing. And our rationalized denial won - for a while, at least.

I started straying more and more from that path ever since that day. But, as this was all I had at my disposal to build my world on, I only strayed so far. Other paths still seemed like the works of myth and legend - not “real” beliefs - so I stayed the course, just tended to keep my mouth shut and smiled and nodded when such debates continued on amongst friends. Eventually, several of my friends found local covens to join. They were sweet, and innocent. They opened up certain meetings and classes to new members as a sort of “tiral” phase - to see if it were a right fit. One of my friends in particular went to many of these. She came back with all these fantastic stories and experiences. Learned so many cool new things, and was really growing and developing and learning in the craft. She now had her very own mentor, and I found myself seething in envy. They were all growing and flourishing, and I was left in the dark with my nose stuck in books just dabbling. So I gave in, and went to some meetings with her. They were innocent and informative enough - meditation lessons, a fun Ostara celebration. Sermons on the Summerland and origin stories, God-specific lessons so we could learn all the various pantheon and what they represented. Workshops on creating candle spells, and how to properly sage and cleanse a space. We did yoga. We danced, we played instruments and tries to get into a trance-state. We had potlucks. It was fun. And so we decided to join.....

(...continued)

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comicteaparty · 5 years ago

Text

April 18th-April 24th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from April 18th, 2020 to April 24th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

What are your personal rules of thumb for determining whether a certain page needs a maturity or trigger warning?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i have no rule of thumb and i'm really curious to read what other people think about this

Deo101 [Millennium]

I usually ask people if they think it needs one, and I only ask if it is significantly different than what I've been doing.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I guess it depends on the subject and the severity. There are the basic ones, like rape, excessive gore, suicide, graphic sex, common phobias, etc. Things that can very easily trigger a large group of people or are generally not allowed in PG-13 movies. But there are other times I don't know if putting a warning or labeling it as mature is necessary. For example, profanity, suggestive material, violence (that doesn't involve gore), and again typically things that can make it into a PG-13 movie. Once it starts to be graphic enough to move into the realm of rated R, that's when you should start putting warnings. My problem with warnings as a creator is that the warnings can kind of spoil the contents of the chapter, so I try not to use them unless what happens in the comic could potentially harm a large number of people by not warning them.

RebelVampire

As a reader I do want to chime in say I agree with that last part. Whenever I see warnings, they are very spoilery so there's no surprise when I get to the warning part of the chapter/episode/page. I expected it so it loses some of its emotional value for me. Or, on the flipside, is so minor it shouldn't have had a warning that its ultimately underwhelming and disappointing.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Yeah, that's exactly why I'm wary about it

I am very sparing with my warnings, because I don't want the readers to lose any of that emotional impact.

carcarchu

my target audience for my webcomic is middle schoolers so the content i produce is never something i feel i need to put trigger warnings for. personally i think you don't really need to tag things unless the content is significantly different from what is expected from the comic. like if it starts out a lighthearted romp and then suddenly there's beserk levels of violence that probably ought to have some warning

Eilidh (Lady Changeling)

I would probably put a CW for blood, gore etc. Of any level just to be safe. Different people have different sensitivities, and as a sex-averse ace I know I often would like CW on sexual/sex-adjacent content that others might not think was enough to need one so. I just err on the side of caution

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I specifically never put warnings in anything I write. If something I write deeply upsets someone or makes them extremely uncomfortable, that's a good thing. It means I've done my job in expressing and conveying the emotional context I set out to accomplish in most circumstances.

My background is poetry and I've only ever read a single book that had any warnings attached, and that was at the beginning of the book, not for each poem. Even then, it was from an author who was particularly, er, well a bit off their rocker.

Like, if you open a collection of poetry and you're surprised to see heavy topics covered...that's your own fault at that point.

If I had opened one of my favourite collections, The Flame by Leonard Cohen, and saw content warnings, I would have probably said in my head "Why the fuck is this here?" and "Well, no shit that's in here, this is Leonard Cohen."(edited)

My job is to convey and express regardless of what the reader might think. It's never my job to guide or warn them, it's my job to present to them.

Fiction, outside of that catered to younger audiences, tends to contain a lot of stuff that can be deeply uncomfortable to the reader (yes, even comedy). I've read stuff that's really gotten to me emotionally, and that's OK, that's a good thing, the author presented what they intended to (G-d knows they did). If you don't want that, then really, you just have to be cognizant of the fiction you're reading and remember that stories about life often have all aspects of life in them.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I have read things (though mostly non-fiction) that have made me want to cry or so sick that I felt the need to vomit. The author didn't warn me of that. They presented what they had without pretext nor excuse. They did their job. Those are very much extremes, but the point is that I consensually opened those texts knowing that might happen. I mean, it's not hard to look at the subject matter or what the reviews say and think "Hm, OK, this book isn't all sugar and roses". Frankly, though, I just feel that the content warnings and all tarnish the authenticity of a text that stands on its own.

Sorry for the rambling, but admittedly, I do include a content warning for that in my username!

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

I don‘t do content warnings, but I try to make sure to be upfront about the type of story people can expect.

Seen the results of someone springing a graphic, surprise character-gets-raped-to-death into until then fluffy childfriendly story for „trolololOLOL, I made you have a FEEL, I am an ARTISTE.“

It‘s disrespectful to the reader at best, after all they need to be able to make an informed decision if they opt in or not.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Alright, that's plain bad writing, but dramatic tone shifts can and are used effectively.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I thought about content warning because I have seen comics that was upsetting to me and readers, and there was no trigger warning. Just a side note in the first chapter that the author explain that 'their characters' weren't a representation of every trans experience. But still had backlash for it. So some content warning when it comes to sensitive stuff like trauma, gender disphoria should be stated somewhere? I wasn't Trans but effected, I assume it was worse for trans readers seeing uncomfortable scenes that remind them of bad experiences.(edited)

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

When I was younger, I used to be into a lot of animated stuff, and there was this one anime (don't judge, I was like fourteen) called Steins;Gate that, for the first half, is relatively comedic and lighthearted, before a very dramatic tone-shift in one episode where most of the main cast die on-screen and it becomes a conspiracy/time-travel thriller. It was actually very, very good, and it's an incredibly popular show because of it.

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Yeah. I think this is what content warnings are coming from: trying to enable the reader to make an informed decision of they wanna opt in to a story or not. It‘s a matter of consent.

They‘re not perfect, but better than nothing.

Eilidh (Lady Changeling)

I agree with @chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa] here on the point that it's about being able to knowingly consent to a potentially unpleasant experience

Deo101 [Millennium]

Honestly I'd rather have a small spoiler at the end of the page before Something happens than potentially hurt someone

Again, only if it's really tonally dissonant

Eilidh (Lady Changeling)

There's plenty of things I don't mind if I'm aware of it beforehand so I can make sure I'm in a good headspace, but the same things could totally put me off a story/creator and give me issues for months if I wasn't expecting them

Source: personal experience

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Webcomics are probably very different, but I'd find it would put me off a lot in poetry (and it's also something you don't see in it; it's just not a part of the industry culture). But people having negative emotions from reading is very commonplace and par for the course.(edited)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

But I also feel that content warning do give away bit of spoiler. I was taught the good way to protray an incoming dark topic is to give hints along the chapters, rather than 'spring it out of the blue'. I haven't written anything super dark/angst before though. It's uncomfortable for me and I haven't cross that threshold of feeling yet(edited)

Eilidh (Lady Changeling)

Personally I feel like if your story or scene or whatever relies so heavily on the shock of specific content that it would be ruined by the "spoiler" potential of a content warning, it's bad writing

Deo101 [Millennium]

I feel like stories in general are not ruined by spoilers, though some people don't like them. But if we're in a scene and we're gonna see someone get cut in half and you say "hey this battle has extreme violence" that's hardly a spoiler

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Not always. Shock, if it's not in bad taste, can be used as a device to help set the emotional context for the rest of the passage. It's bad writing to use it bombastically and haphazardly, but in light touches, like a ghost pepper, it can help. On its own, though, yeah it's usually bad writing.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Since comics are visual there is more need for this kind of a thing because it can be more intense for readers

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Ah, yeah, that's true. My field doesn't have visuals.

I can imagine it may be different in that case.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Also, think like. Movies also have this, that's what the rating system is

A movie rated r for extreme violence isn't a spoiler

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Especially if it has Tom Cruise in it.

RebelVampire

Yes but imagine if the movie paused right before the worst parts to say "Hey this is gonna be a mature scene"

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Age ratings ARE content warnings.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Tv shows do it at the beginning of an episode

And, with comics you have natural pauses

Putting a small banner at the bottom of an update doesn't interrupt the flow the same way putting it at the top of one would, and it can prep people to know not to even open the next update kind of thing

I haven't done content warnings my content is only pg13 but I've thought a lot about it for future, more intense ideas

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

In Germany‘s there are no tv show content warnings, but certain stuff can only be aired after 20:30 or on dedicated channels.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I agree with @RebelVampire . In my favourite movie of all time by far which you 100% have to watch (IT'S REALLY GOOD!!!) On the Waterfront, there's one scene which really gut-punched me when I first watched it because it's, well, fairly disturbing, but if the movie stopped before it and some dude came up and said "B'ys, cover your children's eyes", that'd be ridiculous. Age warnings pre-screening are fine because it's an audiovisual form, but considering that text doesn't have that visual or audio component, I just don't see the need. I can understand why you would do it as a comic artist, though.

Deo101 [Millennium]

There are also, for movies and TV, sites like "does the dog die?" Which provide this kind of information for people with triggers. Comics don't have this kind of a site though so it's on the creator

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

That reminds me, I need to put Nyx+Nyssa‘s age rating note up. g

Eilidh (Lady Changeling)

People with triggers are the sticking point for me. Even if most people would be okay, there's people who won't be and I don't want to act like they don't matter when I'm putting warnings on my content. I feel like it's my responsibility if I'm making that content.

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Yup. I know someone with cPTSD who cannot engage with media without content warnings; because disassociation is NOT fun and dangerous. „Does the dog die“ and similiar things mean she can engage with media without having to rope in others as betas.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yes, same here. Obviously you can't warn for everything, many people have obscure and specific triggers, but there are common ones that are generally sensitive subjects that I don't think it's bad to warn a bit about

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I don't think it is your responsibility, but rather those with triggers to be careful. I'm a trauma victim and I do have triggers, but you know, I can't expect everyone to know that (especially with how hilariously specific they are). If you're worried, do your research

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

There‘s a huge difference between being responsible of for someone and being mindful for someone.

Eilidh (Lady Changeling)

As someone who has triggers as well - I'd prefer to be able to see at a glance. It's awful having to be on guard constantly and worried about what if you didn't do your research quite well enough

Deo101 [Millennium]

I personally only read comics on reccomendation because of mine

They're not common ones but I've never been annoyed by trigger warnings that aren't for me

It usually looks much different from the comic so you can just quick look and scroll past

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I really understand that and I can understand it in the context of your industry because it has that visual component, but in the context of mine it's not done because content warnings wouldn't really make much sense for my industry. What will annoy me is when trigger warnings are uploaded for every part of the webcomic. Like, that's a little extreme.

Eilidh (Lady Changeling)

I understand it's very different context for poetry - but I'm talking about comics

Deo101 [Millennium]

I would agree that uploading for every page would be extreme, but I would think I'm that case it would be at the start of the comic or in the description

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

About pages! They exist for a reason.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

At the beginning of the entire comic, if you want to, that's fine. I think it does change the mindset of the reader and can be detrimental to the story in some cases, but if you know it's not, then that's fine! Of course, that problem can be solved just like @chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa] just suggested: put it on the About page.

Yeah, no, I could get behind that.

For webcomics, I think that would be a good solution.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Some sites don't offer about pages, though, and if it's not a major theme and only in a small part it's nice to put it in the comic itself too

Like my comic is generally very light-hearted but coming up I do have a scene that's significantly more violent than the rest of the comic has been, and I debated whether or not to warn my readers about it

I don't want to put a violence warning in my description though because it would draw the wrong audience

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I mean, it really depends. If it's suddenly looks like the notes of a medical student, then put a warning, but some light violence is probably fine.

Others could probably give a better opinion on that though.

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Yup. I liked how dumbing of age handled it‘s suicide warning - it was specific to that particular page because it dealt with specific details as opposed the more general discussion. So that page got a small note on top. Didn‘t remove the emotional impact, but allowed people to brace themselves or opt out.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Page the Poet refuses content warnings and enjoys their readers' suffering (/s).

All jokes aside, what do you mean about some sites not offering About pages? I'm not well-versed on hosting web-comics.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Well, for instance with webtoons you have a 500 (?) Character description, and that's it

Maybe it's 1500 or something idk it's been a while since I wrote mine. But it's not a seperate page like how I would have on my own site

On your own site it's awesome cause people can just, if they have triggers they can go there to see jf they're fine to read

But with webtoons, tapas, and other hosts you get one page and it's just your comic and description

So putting "violence warning" there is much different than on a seperate page

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I thought most web-comics had their own site?

Deo101 [Millennium]

I mean I do, but many don't

And most readers these days are on hosts I think

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Oh. Yeah, alright, I see the issue.

Deo101 [Millennium]

My description says pg13, LGBT, and slowburn and that's all it gets from me. I would be more descriptive in my about page which I do still need to code

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I'm curious, why specify the LGBT part?

Deo101 [Millennium]

But yeah so it's a very case by case basis depending on where you are and all that

Oh because I want lgbt people to know my comic has an LGBT cast and is catered to them

It's so my comic more likely finds my target audience

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

OH.

carcarchu

i think about stuff like school live and bokurano and consider that i'd be really upset if the sudden dramatic shift in tone was overtly warned beforehand because the shock factor was so important for those series in particular so i don't know how to handle warnings for stuff like that

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

That makes sense.

Please excuse my idiocy haha.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Not idiocy, it's a lot of potential to learn ;)

Carcarchu, it's really a personal choice of the author and what they want. If you don't wanna do it cause you think your story would suffer, that's totally fine. But personally and a lot of other creators agree, id rather potentially risk a slight decrease of my impact to protect some people.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

You see, in poetry, it works like this: you find a journal that suits your poetry, you submit it, you don't get published, and you cry yourself to sleep. Repeat twenty odd times until you get accepted somewhere. Then, you get published there and you tend not to worry about target audiences and stuff yourself. 'Tis a foreign world to me!

RebelVampire

Yeah I agree that I think at the end its a personal choice cause you'll never please everyone whether you do or don't use warnings

carcarchu

i'm thinking about my experience reading those two series and being blown away by the sudden tone shift and really liking one of those series because of it. but then i think about my experience with madoka where i actually started watching it BECAUSE i saw a spoiler about the twist and it piqued my interest. i still enjoyed madoka but i wonder how my experience with it would have been different if i went in blind

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

@carcarchu , I'm with you. It really depends on what you can do, I think. If it's available to those who need it without expressly being there for those who don't want spoilers (An optional CW of sorts), that could work.

carcarchu

i like the idea of optional cw

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I don't know if it's an idea that could work, though, as I'm not experienced with web-comics. @Deo101 [Millennium] , your thoughts?

Deo101 [Millennium]

On a personally coded site you could probably with a lot of effort make something like that work, but that's not really so much an option on hosts

Tapas has a mature toggle where that specific page says "this contains mature content" or something, but everyone sees it

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

If it's personally coded, it should be fairly easy with a small bit of javascript, right?

Deo101 [Millennium]

And for other sites it's not an option at all other than for the entire series as a before you enter sort of deal

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I personally would put warnings Because some chapters deal with traumatic subject matter and I’ve had friends see them and warn me about those However I wouldn’t just do content warnings for something like swearing

Deo101 [Millennium]

I don't think you could code it easily, at least not with the systems I'm using.

Again the best solution I've come up with is at the end of the previous update, so people can skip over it easier and it doesn't interrupt flow the same way

carcarchu

the easiest way to do it on smth like webtoons would just to put some text on ur page that says something like "optional content warning for the next page in description, read at your own risk" but again that would spoil a potential twist

Deo101 [Millennium]

Honestly like Doesn't the twist just happen at the warning then instead of at the panel

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I think the real solution is to just not write anything.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Like it's not spoiling it it's just moving it a few lines up

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Don't even write the webcomic. Best solution.

Deo101 [Millennium]

And content warnings don't say who or how

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Perfection.

carcarchu

i might be miffed if i read TWIST INCOMING and then had to wait a week to actually see it

Deo101 [Millennium]

Just a general, vague, "what"

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Say there's triggering content, but don't say where or what. Put it on the last page too.

carcarchu

but it could potentially drum up interest like WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT WEEK

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah that's what I mean

carcarchu

idk could go either way

Deo101 [Millennium]

Not like there's a twist!

Just hey things get intense

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I don't know, it could still be triggering. I think we should just write no webcomic at all.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Hmmmmm I never thought of that

But what if people forget about the trigger and just jump right in

carcarchu

if they forget the trigger isn't that their fault and not the creator?

Deo101 [Millennium]

People who have the trigger will remember

carcarchu

they were given ample warning

Deo101 [Millennium]

And if they do not then I did what I could

Sorry but I have a specific trigger of people watching someone sleep, I've had two people warn me their comics include it, and I remember. And that was like a year ago

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

My stupid sense of humour aside, I do agree with Deo and Carcarchu. If you forget the trigger, that's your own fault. The author making that information available is one thing, but they aren't there to hold your hand.

carcarchu

oh man that's a super common trope deo that must be rough

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah but it's cool

Like I know it's a common trope and it's not really one you can see coming or anything :/ so it's cool

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I think warnings are helpful tho if u be general like it contains a thing but u dont kno what it is till u read it

Like doe me it was doki doki lit club i didn't took seriously till it hit me and im like O

carcarchu

with dokidoki i knew about there WAS a twist but i didn't know exactly what it is so i was still shocked by it when it happened

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah like "Graphic violence" isn't a spoiler especially if you're already like 3 pages into a fight scene

carcarchu

but again they warned about it pretty vigilantly in the beginning before u play dokidoki? i'm not really sure how you could miss it?

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Yeah.

In all seriousness, I like the About page option / optional CW, but I realize that might be impossible in a lot of scenarios.

Maybe put in the description of the first page "OPTIONAL CW BELOW" for example for those who want it?

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, or the page before. Only concern is people not reading it, but then again that kind of falls under the "their responsibility" section

kayotics

I’ve put one warning in before, but I kept it to promo images (so like social media update images) and in the comic description a few pages before. My reasoning was: it was tonally different & darker from the rest of the comic, but I didn’t put the warning in the pages because of the reader is paying attention, the fact that its coming is pretty obvious. Who knows if I did the right thing it handled it correctly, but I really struggled with figuring out what to do

Deo101 [Millennium]

Another concern is that some comics will run for years, decades even, and so its sometimes impossible to know at the beginning what might need to be warned for.

I think that's good Kay.

It's unobtrusive and gives the people who need it what they need

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Optional warning on the page before, then?

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah that's what I said earlier I was kinda planning on doing if it ever became necessary

kayotics

That’s essentially what it was. I think I wrote a caveat that the warning was a spoiler

Deo101 [Millennium]

That makes sense

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Hmmm if you’re doing it on the page before How specific should the warning be

kayotics

I know a lot of people don’t read page descriptions, especially when binging, so I’m banking on the context of the chapter being the biggest warning

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Like do you just say optional warning?

kayotics

What I did is I said something about the the content of the next page without getting into too much detail

Deo101 [Millennium]

I see things like "warning: graphic violence, sexual content, substance abuse," etc. Stuff like that

kayotics

Yeah. Mine was graphic violence or gore or something

Deo101 [Millennium]

Where it doesn't say who or how or anything, just a vague what

Which usually, the context of the scene is around that kind of a theme anyways where we can tell it's coming

So a content warning is more like "this does get turned up to an 8 here"

Though it can be a surprise where Something like what Kay did is really good

Like okay so spoilers but be warned

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

B'y, turn it up to at least eleven. Go big or go home.

Deo101 [Millennium]

I'm on a 1-8 scale

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

But what about the saying? Heresy!

kayotics

I think in the context of my comic it felt like, to me, that I was turning it up to 8 from a 1 or 2. It’s not the MOST GRAPHIC thing I’ve ever seen, but with the entirety of the rest of the work it’s tonally different, which is why I needed the warning

My comic, at its worst, usually just sees some curses and cartoon violence.

This was, like, full on blood and gore

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I jumped straight into 12 at one point for mine whoops

kayotics

So I think context of the work is important with a warning as well

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, I'm usually around a 1-2 too. I've got pg-13 in my description and if I'm ever toeing the edge of it, I'm gonna warn about it

kayotics

If you have a violent or heavy comic already, warnings for each page is ridiculous. It’s when you turn it up that you should mention something

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah exactly

DanitheCarutor

Aaah you know, I don't put warnings on my pages, because practically half the comic would have CWs due to the focus on upsetting themes. There was one instance where I did put one up for a page containing a lot of queerphobic language presented in a way that was jarring, and potentially triggering for people who've experienced something like that. Although I've somewhat regretted singling out that one page since the comic from that point only gets worse, in hindsight that one instance isn't bad enough to warrant a warning. I'll probably take it down once I stop being lazy. In general I feel a page-by-page warning is best for comics that don't normally have heavy stuff, it makes sense to warning for violence if that's not a normal thing in your comic, it might shock readers too much otherwise. As far as content, everyone has different sensitivity levels (someone put a CW up once for a character being yelled at by his dad), personally I would only use CWs for excessive violence/abuse, blood, mental illness, suicide, rape, gore, slurs and/or substance abuse. I've gotten a lot of mixed reception on warnings, there are people who want them up, in detail, on every page with potentially upsetting content. People who want them chapter by chapter, some like detail, some want a general warning. Then there are people who don't want any warnings either due to them being too spoilery, or they feel it ruins the immersion. I went for a warning in a pop-up on my main site and leaving a list in my description on other sites, mostly for the non-spoiler crowd and because of what I said before about practically half my comic being potentially triggering.

There are two chapters coming up where I'll be putting up a general warning banner at the start of the chapter, with a hidden list of triggers in the author's notes and an option to read a safer summarized version at the end of each chapter, rather than forcing everyone to read the whole thing. Just because the content will be really difficult for some in presentation and/or subject matter, and I don't want to outright distress anyone... at least without them understanding what they're getting into.

Like, even compared to how my comic already is the next chapters will be really upsetting... for some people.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

It's not bad if people are upset or distressed. Like, full on disassociation from PTSD, obviously not, but I think these CWs are for them, not Alice Smith the average woman. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So, I feel like, because of that, the general approach is best. Adding a CW for someone getting yelled at by their father is too spoiler-y/specific in my mind.

carcarchu

i really like dani's approach with the summary at the end for people who want to know what happened but can't stomach actually seeing the nitty gritty

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Here’s the problem tho...my series literally deals with trauma healing

So there’s going to be mentions of...going to therapy, friends talking about it

Not the actual trauma itself

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Yeah, I wouldn't bother with CWs there.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

But I’m really worried that if I have to put up trigger warnings every time...a lot of pages will have that warning

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

People know what they're getting in for.

If you're going to read a comic about healing from trauma...don't be surprised at content that's not very fun.(edited)

DanitheCarutor

Yeah, my warnings are specifically for the mentally ill, people who've been in abusive situations and such. I don't want to end up bring back certain experiences, at least without them knowing what they're getting into.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Hmmm in that case I might have to put it in the summary itself then

That there’s trauma healing Of course it’s also about humor and slice of life, but I’ll add it in just in case

Would it help to get sensitivity readers to take a gander look?

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I mean, in my mind, a general synopsis of the basic plot is a good idea for a lot of stories so long as you aren't spoiling anything.

DanitheCarutor

Me? Nah, I mean, I should but it wouldn't change my decisions since my story is really tight and changing stuff would end up changing everything.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

In this case, trauma-healing seems to be a part of that plot.

So, you know, if it's mentioned, I think that's blaringly obvious at that point to people that "B'ys, there may be some triggering shit here", y' know?

DanitheCarutor

Oh, I totally misread the convo. Lol I mean, you could get a sensitivity reader if you want to be on the safe side, but if you're writing from experience and you've done research I don't see a problem with not having one.

carcarchu

having read the first few chapters of shadow's comic trauma healing was not an aspect that i picked up from it(edited)

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Sensitivity reader?

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I agree, I get more light heart tone with Shadow's story, but I know stuff ahead of time(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Oh nooo

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

maybe the aspects will come up as the comic progresses shadow

DanitheCarutor

My comic is also about trauma and healing, and while I haven't experienced all the things my characters have, I did do a ton of research and talked to people. Although my comic is a vent comic so most of it is based off my experiences.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

I've just put general content warnings in the about page and appropriately rated my comic for its content. There will be things that are written thar i have no idea that could be triggering to people that exsist in a lot of media, it almost becomes impossible to sort through. And with the amount of content to sift through that would/wouldn't be sensitive to certain topics or just generally unaware, its tricky. If there is a reader with a potentially sensitive trigger, i would hope they could get a friend to do a read through if possible, but rarely have i seen comics go right into topics that would need such a hand to do so. Stories have descriptions and ratings for that reason, you're not going to find insane violence in Pokemon type stories, so the author has that responsibility of rating it correctly is what im getting at

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Sorry, what's a sensitivity reader?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

A sensitivity reader is like, a beta reader who specifically checks whether your work is offensive/ insensitive (e.g. when you're wondering "is my portrayal of this ethnic group offensive/ignorant?")

carcarchu

i think a sensitivity reader is for when ur writing a story that includes a particular cultural or ethnic group that ur NOT part of and u want to avoid making your story culturally insensitive

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Ooh Dani, is it Guide to Unhealthy Relationship? Your comic often stand out to me. I knew what I was getting into when I read it

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I was a sensitvity reader for someone who was writing a viet american and keii pretty much sums it up

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

That's a thing? Who does that? Ethnic Studies professors?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

And it's not just for ethnic groups

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I gave suggestions to add and avoid if ya writing a character from a certain ethnic group or marginalized group

like LGBT+, persons with disabilities etc

carcarchu

ethnic groups is the first thing i thought of but yes

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

No, not ethnic studies professors.

Members of the marginalized group.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yep

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

So if you're writing a trans character, you probably want a sensitivity reader who is trans

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yep!

carcarchu

example the mangaka of golden kamuy has an ainu consultant who is ainu but i'm not sure if having a consultant is quite the same thing?(edited)

DanitheCarutor

@Joichi [Hybrid Dolls] Yeah, it is. I'm glad you were able to know! I try to make it obvious since CWs are pretty much the main themes of my comic. xD

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

i think so

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

A consultant can apply to sensitivity readers, yes, but goes beyond that

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

like the mangaka saught to reprsent ainus too

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I know an MMA comic with an MMA consultant, for example

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

But couldn't two members of that group, say, Jews, say completely different things? How can you guess the information to be reliable based on their simply being a part of that group? Surely, there are things people look for when hiring these people?

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I have artist friends who are my sensitively reader and one friend who has had experience with abuse So they help me with what’s good and what’s not to write about

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It's still gonna be WAY better than not getting any, Page.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I mean yeah but in that instance hearing from another perspective at least one person helps

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

At least you can be aware of possible....differences

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

And people who have experience as sensitivity readers know some common issues to look for, as well.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Or cross reference

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yep

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

It could be worse if the information is unreliable. What sort of qualifications does one look for?

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

like for me, reping viet folks and telling that to those saught viet rep in their comics

I told them "don't you freaking dare add tropes about the vietnam war I'm gonna come over to your house"

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Friend of mine was a trauma survivor that I witnessed first hand

I suppose that qualifies!

But I think it helps to ask around

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

This stems from writers writing what they think an experience/ person group is without doing research and just being ignorant and offensive and a call for ppl to do better

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah like those stories should be left to the group experienced it instead

imo

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

TBH even when you do a ton of research on your own, a sensitivity reader can help you catch things that you never even thought of researching because you were unaware It Was A Thing

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

like I still read some stories then they throw like the nam joke

and i'm like "I'm droppin this"

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Yea I don't get cis ppl writing about the trans experience. Its not ur story

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

agreed ya

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Hmmm a lot of artists write from experience

Perhaps if you need a sensitivity reader for say...being bi for example

Maybe find an artist who themselves is bi(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

like don't write how they got there, but write the experience they gonna deal with in the comic

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Because you get double: you get someone who’s bi and also someone who knows how to work the medium

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

like i doubt cis persons have the nuance for trans folk, same goes for non-poc thinking is okay to do weird nuance things with poc

like lmao idk that's a pet peeve of mine if someone is writing an asian character and really just

"yea he's asian, idk what nationality but its there."

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Im not into someone who isn't a minority writing about a minority experience as a personal preference, but the sensitivity readers aren't exclusive to that. There was an example in story help in this server where someone asked about writing for a certain group of ppl and wanted feedback

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I...remember that krispy

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah

carcarchu

i get what you're saying Tuyetnhi but i don't want authors to NOT include any representation just because they're scared of doing it wrong

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Several people warned him Including me

DanitheCarutor

A good example of sensitivity readers is Moana. The directors were old white guys, but they got Hawaiians to look over the script to make sure it wasn't disrespectful to the culture, or totally out of left field, since the tribe in the movie is based on Hawaiian tribes. Even though I didn't have sensitivity readers I still sought out people who experienced certain mental illnesses, medical professionals and mental health professionals willing the share their experiences and knowledge on the subjects I'm tackling before starting the comic.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

ye and I get that, I mean like if they trying to do extreme nuance takes

leave that for folks who experienced that

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Asscreed games used to do the same too

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I ain't againist that kind of rep, but I have a paricular idea how to go about it that's all lol

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Tho i don't know if they were successful

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

What's wrong with someone writing a character who is transgender if they're not transgender? There's a lot of good research done on transgender issues both medical and societal as well as a lot of written record. I also don't see the issue with writing an ethnic minority as a non-minority. "Far Beyond the Stars" was written by white men and it speaks about racial issues brilliantly. Consultants on the intricacies of culture, I 100% understand, though, for your narratives; that does make sense. Professors are hired by filmmakers and writers for just that IIRC.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Sensitivity readers would not be a thing if people were not allowed to write characters outside of their own identity. Nobody's advocating that

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

carcarchu

white people can write on poc's issues fine. but i have a problem when they act like they know more than the people who have experienced it first-hand

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Yep that's what I mean cara

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

As long as you’re respectful about it

And open to changing ideas

RebelVampire

Ok Im gonna step in here now and say we need to take a step back perhaps cause I feel this convo might be becoming too heated.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Heated?

I think you're misreading. I don't believe anybody here is heated over anything. I didn't know there was an argument, honestly. Is there? Am I losing my mind here?

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Also these are instances that have been brought to light bc ppl want better rep from authours too. My last point on that!!

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I don't think anyone's angry, but this is an extremely sensitive/ heavy topic so we're all treading carefully!

carcarchu

i'm with page i thought it was all very civil

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Remarkably so, frankly.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

agreed

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Usually these things spawn a lot of arguments. It's refreshing to see people, well, not do that.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

ye lol

RebelVampire

It is but this is the sort of topic where it can quickly hit the boiling point in a single message. And I've been seeing some warning signs in this convo. By all means if everyone can keep it civil, please continue. Consider this more a warning that right now, if you're getting angry, please step away from the convo cause I don't want to have to mute or ban anyway.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

aight

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Warning signs? I really am losing my mind.

DanitheCarutor

Let me know if I've said or will say something that might be insensitive. I try to be respectful, but I'm overly comfortable with uncomfortable topics and can be like a bull in a china shop sometimes.(edited)

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Its just a sensitive topic, page

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

same with me, but i'm also speaking from experience as sensitivity reader too.

so yea lol

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Oh yeah, on most servers, when this comes up, you have those who take the opportunity to say white people should die, then the ones who say the same about people of colour. It all devolves.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

what the

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Oh, b'ys, Discord is a wild place.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I agree with Keii, these are sensitive topics, I'm reading each one carefully without jumping into a fight

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I mean yeah, I been on discord since 2015 lol

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Gosh, I've been on it for years too! Seems so long ago I first came here!

Time flies, eh?

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

still like, I find it kinda ridiculous someone is willing to jump like that

but yeah er, the topic at hand lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It doesn't need to go to that ridiculous extent to offend people, so I agree with Rebel on that we need to continue to be careful

Eilidh (Lady Changeling)

(going to step out now but good convo y'all)

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Offer people a bit of the word "race" and soon it turns into Nuremberg.

Good talking to you, mate!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Goodnight Eilidh!

Also I’m actually new on discord

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

I think that its a good practice that writers today are more sensitive to the readers. Not in a hand holding way, but in a responsible way where their work is properly tagged and rated and the consistency of such content is a warning as well (like danis comic) It's important to want to improve the reading experience for many and keeping in mind that some topics need to be handled with some more care

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

ye agreed!

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

In my field, I think it's a contest on how much emotion you can get out in one breath with gleeful abandon to how the reader feels.

carcarchu

but a problem with that is sometimes it feels like writers are held up to impossibly high standards and that they can't have ANY inkling whatsoever of any content that might possibly be construed as "problematique" by the purity police. the degree to which some authors are scrutinized is unreasonable and i think it often stems from having to be seen as a "pure" representation of whatever it is they are representing

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Sometimes it's not even that the standards are "too high"

DanitheCarutor

@FeatherNotes(Krispy) Lol if the word limit allows it, every self-promo of my comic is plastered with age and content warnings, dang it!

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

There will ALWAYS be those standards, they were always there. Ppl just didn't have that voice. I would not be worried about writing however, as i def see a problem with the purity thingie going around.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think carcarchu is talking about something very specific, Feather?

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

there will be some rep be messy and rip that's part of being human and making mistakes

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

There was an article talking about the direction of art and the consumers of such that covered this topic about the purity thing that i wanna findd

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

like everyone can't be a saint

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

like when an ownvoices writer gets pitchforks and torches because their portrayal wasn't wholesome enough, and you are only allowed to write happy and wholesome stories about that group(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

keii omg

yeah i'll die in the torches that's ok

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Wait what

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah it's a thing

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Thats a thing

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

What...????

carcarchu

yes that's what i'm talking about keii

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

What

carcarchu

i also have a video about it

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

They're more upset at the story direction then

Not a purity thing

carcarchu

no it's a purity thing

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I agree with Carcarchu on this one. I feel like some people would be up in arms if I wrote a story where a white guy is the protagonist and a black guy is the antagonist. Some people just see race.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I know several LGBTQ peeps who are afraid to post their dark LGBTQ fiction because it might draw the attention of "only wholesome content allowed!!!" people

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

WhgtttattTTT

nooo

DanitheCarutor

Oooh yeah, the puritans/sanitizers out there, they're a scary bunch. I've had a run in with a few people who've said my comic shouldn't be allowed to exist due to the content... and I've been called queerphobic... and that my comic is queerphobic torture porn... and other fun stuff. It happens.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

WHHHHHHAAAAAAAT

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

You'd be surprised how common this is.

RebelVampire

Yeah I have to say I've seen it a lot too

carcarchu

where have u been krispy that you haven't seen this?

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

I have been in my silent cave apparently

I also haven't been in fandoms for years if that helps lol

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

You living like Patrick the Starfish?

DanitheCarutor

Yeah, we're kind of starting to get back into the olden days of demand for sanitizing art, people who work on darker content or horror get a lot of crap.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

This is patrick

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

All kidding aside, TL;DR: shit's kind of fucked in some ways.

carcarchu

i've even had run-ins with such people irl... hasnt been the most pleasant. i was once friends (note once) who tried to convince me that i should turn my het romance story into a lesbian one? for no reason other than she preferred to read that kind of content?

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Ohhbsee thats where im confused

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Imagine if the sexuality were flipped. It would be outrageous.(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

rip I had a comment a year ago that the main love interest is "too gay to be straight"

and i'm like "excuse u?"

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

"Yeah, make it straight. I don't like gay stuff."

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

How is the relationship dynamic purity in that case?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

That's not purity police talk anymore, I think

carcarchu

not purity in that specific example feather but it's the same kind of person

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I’ve also had people come up to me and ask why I don’t write a more lighthearted story

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It's... a different issue

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

MY GOSHHH

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Or “shadow, your shit is too dark why are you writing about this”

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

So ppl be telling u how to write ur chars now?

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

"Life can only be happy and stuff :(( art can literally only be happyyy"

carcarchu

yeah this same person was also PISSED that there was a gem in steven universe who was "black-coded" and portrayed as a villain even though there were black coded gems who were not portrayed as villains as well

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Sorry Krispy Life be like that

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Wthhhh

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Black coded?....what series have they been watching carcarchu lol

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

ah dang

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

These ppl have 2 much time on their hands RIP They wanna rip apart media, go after something that deserves it (likethebig2incomicscough)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

They’re gate keeping(edited)

DanitheCarutor

Ah not too long ago I stumbled across an artist who drew more problematic stuff as a way to cope with trauma, which I guess was something their therapist suggested. Their stuff is pretty messed up, but someone started one of those "call out" videos on them, leading to thousands of people flooding their work with some of the most awful comments along with people trying to shut down their Patreon and social media accounts.

carcarchu

i later found out this person was also a terf so i ended the friendship right there when i found out

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Dani that’s...what the fuck

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Oh nasty

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

searches up terf Oh...

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I remember reading one person talking about how presenting "bad ideals" and whatnot in fiction had to be demonstrated to be bad ideals and not work and stuff and so on so forth.

carcarchu

i've seen that too dani

sadly more times than i can count

we all remember what happened to cucumber quest right?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It is terrible out there

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

What’s cucumber quest

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

What is cucumber

Quest oop

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

"What is cucumber?": An essay in being Socrates.

carcarchu

long story short cucumber quest was a children's webcomic that was pretty popular but the author got bullied off tumblr for being "problematic"

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oh no

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Tumblr has a lot of crazies.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I like her work

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Oh noooooooooo

I still go on tumblr but I carefully choose my blogs

Because I don’t want this shit

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

(All this being said, I wanna reiterate that just because those terrible pitchforks and torches people exist, doesn't mean all "I find this offensive" voices are invalid. Some things could genuinely be improved!)

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Also def wanna say that even tho there will be these wolves waiting to tear 'non perfect' media apart, please dont feel like u have to stop writing, ever. Dont be afraid bc of these stories, yall have good heads on ur shoulders and obvs want to share ur experiences and that is something ur allowed to do

carcarchu

fyi she didnt stop making her comic because of the bullying thing, it was a separate, unrelated issue much later(edited)

i hear you keii

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I find it hilarious of the idea That there are people out there who tell someone not to write stuff like abuse even tho they’ve never experienced it

And the writers themselves have

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Oh, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

There was someone who tried to boycott assassins creed 2 bc the main char reminder her of her ex bf

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

omfg

DanitheCarutor

It's really sad and a little terrifying if your work doesn't fit the sanitization standards... Sometimes I think of that "what if" chance just the right person finding my comic and launching a take down campaign on it. Which is why I'm totally fine with staying as a smalltime person in the shadows. Also people don't usually want to even read through my comic, so that's a plus.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

why lmaoo

oh dang dani that's one fear

but i'm also like "I wonder how folks react to me dealing with that like I ignore them"

would that be a power move or I'd be burning harder?

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Shit I never thought of a takedown campaign

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

It's a genuine fear for the creating community for sure, but ur voice is necessary. Ur story will resonate with ppl, and those who choose to use their time to tear it down obviously have nothing else better to do

DanitheCarutor

@keii’ii (Heart of Keol) Oh yeah, totally! People's feelings are super valid, and someone writing sensitive content should be open to listening to other people. I'm just talking about the extremists who think anything remotely uncomfortable shouldn't exist. Like, no.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Man, nowadays, people just throw shit and false accusations and all the rest at people because they don't like them and their stuff. They're truly pathetic.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

I used to be so scared of a certain chapter in my comic bc its so violent at one point. It kept me up at night bc of these take down campaigns were a such a thing. But then i remember the content i enjoyed that inspired my own and im like Aint no one cancelling FMA for the niina part!

I mean unless its a topic that's super insensitive to a group or people/topic, which i know you're handling with sensitivity and grace, i wouldn't stop

carcarchu

this is a little bit sensitive so i'm going to put it in a spoiler there was another incident where an author received constant messages to kill themselves for writing gls when they did not at that time identify as a woman but then the author later did a whole comic about how how complicated her relationship with her own gender and sexuality was and that she de-transitioned and now once again considered herself to be both cis and lesbian and all those comments about her needing to kill herself for writing gl were so narrow-minded because you can never really know an author's situation if you aren't in their shoes

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

What's "gl"?

DanitheCarutor

Lol yeah, I do get worried a lot, especially about the upcoming chapters. Although that's not going to stop me from pushing forward, and telling the story how I want to tell it. If my online presence is murdered in the process, at least it will die for a good cause... at least good for me because I'll be venting everything out.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Whhhh!!! People just gettin into ppls business damn. That's horrible

carcarchu

girl's love

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

GIrl's love?

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

I def see ur story as a personal one with healing and building that will resonate with others Dani. And i think that's very important

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

What's that?

carcarchu

stories about girls loving girls

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

it's a genre that focuses on romantic relationships between girls ye

carcarchu

i really got chills reading that author's comic about her identity especially having seen those comments numerous times on her other comics

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

There was a similar incident except it was with an artist by the name of Zamii for supposedly drawing Steven Universe characters too thin (Yes, she did attempt suicide in the end, though she didn't succeed in her attempt).

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Is...is she okay now?

oh my god Page

I remembered that

The SU writers had to step in

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oh rip sadly I remember that as well

carcarchu

i think she's doing ok! i'm not sure if that particular comic is still up but i can dm u it if u want shadow

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Yep! Not just the writers, even an executive producer.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Yes please carcarchu

And I think Rebecca sugar stepped in too? Not sure about that

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Hopefully this serves as a reminder for all of us to have each others backs in such situations wow

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Another incident was in the Undertale fandom I think. One person gave a cookie to an artist at a convention they didn't like because of the ships they were doing. They author was suspicious, so, they cracked open the cookie. It was filled with needles.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

WHHHHHHYYYYYYY

carcarchu

oh my god i remember that page, what a horror story

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

........what the FUCK

carcarchu

always be careful about accepting food from events like that

DanitheCarutor

Geez, the thing about the GL author is sad... yet not surprising, and it's sad that I'm not surprised. @FeatherNotes(Krispy) Thank you so much! I went into my comic expecting absolutely no one would like it, so if it resonates with even one person that would be the best surprise. TvT

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yee haw I love solidarity

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, never accept food/drinks from strangers, including "fans"

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

As someone who bakes and deals with food....that is horrifying

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah rip that's horrifying

carcarchu

if it's packaged food like candy it should be safe, but still be careful if u have reason to be suspicious at all

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Remember, if you're suspicious, make them eat it too >:)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

omgllol

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

And lace it with cyanide.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Gosh authours need content warning from readers it seems yikes

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Better safe than sorry.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Still not safe to have them eat it too lol

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I mean, hey, better second degree murder than dead.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I can think of some.... ways around that

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

"I'm alergic to needles"

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Give it to their friend

>:)

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Give it to their spouse.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

And if it’s poison they’ll go down knowing they did it

Make a marvel villain

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

They're called "Widower".

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Page you and I have like minds

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Indeed we do.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'm not comfortable with that -- like, what if their friend or spouse is being abused by them and is seeking to get out of that relationship

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

...This conversation is freaking amazing And I’ve never done individual page warnings for my comic - never felt it necessary. Maybe someday someone will yell at me about it, but... meh. The comic never goes into the really deep dark potentially-controversial stuff. So maybe it won’t be an issue. Back to catching up on all of this, WOW.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oh god it would be a complicated meSS(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Oh god okay NO DONT GIVE IT TO THEIR SPOUSE

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

It doesn't matter. They must die for our agenda.

Morality? Pft.

If they're dead, they're no longer in the relationship.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I mean @LadyLazuli (Phantomarine) your story is really riveting But I’m not sure if you need warnings? I mean your story deals with...death

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

You see? Widower solves everything.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

@shadowhood (SunnyxRain) I’m not sure! Someone tagged it with ‘limb loss’ elsewhere, which is debatable, haha. It’s something I would almost want others to tag. Sometimes I can’t stretch my mind far enough to imagine a page needing a trigger warning.(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Wow...the more you learn, huh.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Yes- those specific type tags are always going to be elusive to keep track of- ur general rating is just what ur story needs

Def wanna point out too that TV ratings and warnings are what i go by and the most helpful to me as a reader and creator. Also video game warnings too are good to look at if people ever need examples of how to rate comics!

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Yep, ratings are all I need too. In my ‘about’ page I described my comic as “no darker than the darkest stuff in Harry Potter,” but I’m sure someone would still find something extremely dark in that, so... SHRUG

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Does anyone know of any of the big name comics that put trigger warnings or whatnot in their work? I dont read marvel/dc/etc so ive never seen if they took to rating their comics with any type of warnings?

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I do have kids reading so I want the parents to feel comfortable

DanitheCarutor

Is it weird that I rated my comic based on the level of nudity and lack of sex? Like, "Okay, these people are really naked but not in a sexy way, what is the rating for that?"

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I'm thinking about snot girl rn and idk if their creators do that tbh other than marketed towards adults

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I read a couple of more-intense things from Image Comics and I’ve never seen any trigger warnings there either

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Hmmm I’m not sure I remember reading Hellboy and not seeing any trigger warnings

carcarchu

krispy, the only time i can recall it is when i read Bradherley's Coach and that was actually put there by the translation team and not the author himself but i will say that the warning was extremely warranted with that one because i consider myself pretty desensitized to traumatic content but even this one really got me with each chapter being traumatic in it's own unique way

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Do they have ratings on the backs of the books like some manga?

Oh wow ty translation team

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Probably! I’m not sure if DarkHorse comics does it but they do have things like nudity and...portrayals of graphic death

carcarchu

if u read it on a website there is some degree of tagging for the content but i don't think that alone could have accurately prepared someone for what the comic explored

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

I think its clear that by these examples we're all already doing better at being responsible for the content we share and produce.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I hope so I wonder if those big name comics received flak about not having trigger warnings

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I wonder about that too tbh

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Im sure to a degree? But no where near an indie creator would

Which is a whole other topic

carcarchu

i for one would love more tagging options for webcomics

makes it easier to find whatever niche content you're into!

genres alone just dont do it

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

That could work But there’s also a price to pay; less chance to get readers too

carcarchu

why is it less of a chance to get readers?

Nutty (Court of Roses)

I myself am looking at my Punisher comics, and there's no warnings anywhere, but i feel with an antihero like the Punisher, you go in expecting the gore and violence

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Hmmmmm....I guess my fear is that it’s a double edged sword carcarchu On one hand you can attract the readers you want But on the other hand you can also...possibly drive away readers who are mildly curious Some people need time to get invested in a story

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I guess some people will just avoid some tags no-questions-asked. Hopefully it’s the small minority that the trigger warning will actually help (in terms of anxiety) and not someone who’s writing off the trigger as problematic and will go on a tirade warning other readers about it. I know it goes both ways

carcarchu

oh i wasn't talking about trigger content tagging specifically

i was talking about stuff like being able to tag for example "witches" or "animals" or "music" whatever is a theme in your comic(edited)

guess it wasnt a logical throughline made sense in my head

eli [a winged tale]

I was looking for a universal way to show trigger warnings and came across this article. https://medium.com/@UntoNuggan/trigger-warnings-101-a-beginners-guide-e9fc90c6ba0a I guess for mine I’m thinking to add body horror and violence the more we go through the story... I do like the part about putting the informed consent power back to the reader’s hands

Nutty (Court of Roses)

I put both Fantasy Violence and Alcohol Use as general warnings for my comic. Alcohol is treated in a complex manner in CoR, both in a humorous light and as a way to cope, but I know there are a lot of folks that are triggered by the presence of alcohol.(edited)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I will be putting trigger warning in my comic but Ive wanted to write about mental health allegories for a long time as a personal self reflection.

I started to feel braver after seeing other creators boldly write about mental health topics in their comics.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Whispers the webcomic library is an excellent source and tool to find/avoid tags in comics

Luma does an excellent job with archiving the stories there and i hope yall have applied to have ur comics there too!

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Yes I watch Webcomic library on Twitter, Luma does such a good job curating comics(edited)

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Same! Highly recommended

carcarchu

i think i follow it on twitter but i don't keep up with it

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

They did these tags for my comic(edited)

carcarchu

maybe i should change that

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Super dedicated and a very great resource for webcomics!!

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I got these! I originally only put down 'limb loss - leg' but 'limb loss - arm' popped up too, and I'm like "You know... that's kinda true." It's a really good resource!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

OOoh I should check it out

Webcomic library, right?

carcarchu

what's the difference between independent! and independent

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

...that's a good question and I don't know the answer, haha

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

“Eventual LGBTQ” yes

Nutty (Court of Roses)

I AGREE!! I'm on Webcomic Library too. Mine is tagged as Mobility Aids since Nocturne uses a cane to walk

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

hmmm how do you add your webcomic onto there?

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I went thru the process like

you send an email to luma/webcomic libary with a submission form

and she'll add it for u with the tags that are relelated to your comic

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Luma always puts up submission posts too Check out their tumblr/twitter!

DanitheCarutor

I can't imagine how much time it takes Luma to go through all those webcomics! These are the tags they put for mine:(edited)

They've kept it up pretty well in spite of it not being their cup of tea. The only thing I was ever iffy on was the 'sexual nudity' tag since I didn't intend for that but for the nudity to be uncomfortable/awkward, and I don't like the idea of people going into my comic for sexual arousal, but on well. To each their own, also it may be a presentation mistake on my part.

It's funny because I didn't think about one of my MCs being disabled until seeing this, I had to think for a moment before realizing "Oh yeah, I guess ocular albinism is considered a disability."

Kind of an embarrassing realization on my part.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

ooo that's a lot of tags

this from my comic

DanitheCarutor

@shadowhood (SunnyxRain) Here is the submission template if you're interested. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1q48tZquhmNoGY_lcsE8FkByF614EISk_Pf3YoQKXYWA/edit?usp=sharing

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

probably not much is tagged since lmao it's 2 chapters in

DanitheCarutor

Haaaah yeah, my comic has a lot of... stuff. It'll probably get even bigger once the next two chapters are finished, if Luma is willing to go through them.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

ahhh thank you Time to submit

honestly I don't think there'll be a lot for my webcomic, since I just started lol

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

All a good resource regardless! And a good place to find comics to read!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

fair enough! Also...uhh....

what's nsfw text?

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

like, not safe for work things being talked about in the text of the comic typically sex stuff i imagine

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

or swearing lmao

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

oh god

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

get ready for a rideeeee

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

since someone saying "violence and gore" in the text wouldn't really count as NSFW lol

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

on my sailor ship lolol

DanitheCarutor

Yeah, NSFW text is swearing, slurs, discussion of NSFW subjects, sexual language I'm guessing. In my case it's the former three, at least I assume as much.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

..........ohhhh boy

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

mine is just my characters speaking without filter

lol

at least for the begining lolol

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

but yeah to me the limit for "what to warn people about" is generally dependent on the platform

those are my tags on archive binge

those are my tags on webcomic library (admittedly a bit out of date)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

lord almighty(edited)

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

on comic fury the only tag I have is high violence (with no nudity, sexual content, or swearing)

on tapas it's a page-by-page thing so I basically add the tag whenever there's blood on-screen

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Nsfw is not swearing like bitch, shit fuck Its more slurs i do believe

Also forgive me for swearing on main lol

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

lol

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

OH DANI SAID IT ALREADY

So yes, what dani said

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Yeah I was wondering how deep into curse/slur territory it’d have to go

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Gjs has swearing in it but its sailor mouth stuff, not slurs

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I’ve got fantasy slurs and I drop those RARELY because they still make me feel weird, haha

Dunno if I could ever commit to IRL ones in anything I do

DanitheCarutor

Yeah, I imagine if swears did count it would be how they're used, like if they were said in a derogatory statement and/or bullying.

But yeah, slurs, definitely. Haaaah

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I don't think I could ever write about racial slurs either. The only touchy topics I will ever write are those I have experienced. Never experienced true racism so if I wrote about it I would feel like I'm faking knowledge of a huge and personal issue for other people

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Same. I leave that to people who can write about it better. Any discrimination I have in my stories is manufactured by the fantasy world and its own unique circumstances. I have some influence from real-world discrimination, but it's its own thing.

DanitheCarutor

Ah but slurs aren't just race, there are also slurs for gender and sexuality. (The -cough- 'T' and 'F' word.)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

yeah... racial slurs make me uncomfortable, but depends with the fantasy slurs, that could be creative if it's done to show the social issues of that world?(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I feel like even if you're only using fantasy slurs (speaking as someone whose comic has a use of a fantasy slur...), you need good understanding of what it's like to be on the receiving end of a slur IRL. This isn't to say "you need [this qualification] to be Allowed to use slurs in your fictional work!" but more like, how to make it resonate with the readers in the right ways, how to make it not gratuitous, etc.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'm still learning myself. Like, I do have some experience dealing with racism toward me, but 1) it's nothing compared to the truly horrific stuff out there, and 2) even on comparable "levels" my experience could be very, very different from someone else's. All we can do is keep trying, keep learning.

Keep listening.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I'd had a fair deal of racism and microagression being a native in the US for so long

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

exactly, like I experienced childhood racism about my cultural upbringing. But it's different for other people.(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

it's something that lmao won't go away but ye we have some different perspectives on how we can go about handling it

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

When I read a work or watch a film, I can tell if the creator has researched well, if it's racism similar to my experiences. It doesn't matter their background. But it'd be a nicer bonus if this came from a POC creator.(edited)

DanitheCarutor

Yeah, based on that I'm probably not the best person to have characters using slurs. While the slur present is gender based, I have a complicated relationship with... everything that isn't white/cis/het. I'm a mixed race (mom's side(very white passing): German Jewish, black Irish, Scottish, Native American. Dad's side: Native American, Spanish, Mexican.), my mom was raised in a church in a tiny town that was totally against non-white people and race mixing, according to her when I was born people would come to the hospital to gawk at me. I've never been called a slur maliciously, but casually and I never noticed it until I was older after everyone naturally stopped. Every experience and memory I have of slurs has been of the "yikes!", "Woah, you really said that." variety, so I kind of project that energy a little bit in my comic. But in the form of a very yikes casually transphobic character.

For clarity on the cis/het thing, my family was also extremely bigoted but would hide it under casual language, so it never sounded queerphobic until you process what they said.

Not related to me, but I understand needing to experience racism to write it, although I think it can still be accomplished well if the person is empathetic and does a ton of research. Kinda like anything else sensitive, you just need to be really educated on the subject.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I agree with you Dani. Sadly some creators just don't have that empathy and want to write a fantasy token character. I had awkward story conversations before on race. "what do you think about this ambiguous Asian character? I'm thinking of a Japanese name, sounds Asian enough?" I always cringe inside(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

I usually bring in other people to write about those things I haven't experienced. Friends, generous volunteers, etc.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I think it's 100% OK to write about things you haven't experienced. I don't think J.K. Rowling experienced being an adolescent male chosen one in a magical college, but she still wrote about it...and made a Hell of a lot of money.

DanitheCarutor

Lol that's why I added in doing research, which I think brainstorming with experienced people counts, you're still educating yourself. I agree with everyone on experience being preferred, although I am on the anti-censorship side with art and storytelling, no matter how cringe it is.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

ofc i think it's okay, but I personally don't feel comfortable doing it

i even feel a little weird writing male characters

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

If we can only write ourselves and our experiences, we're plain not good writers.

That's my view on the matter.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Again, I don't think any of us is advocating Necessary Qualifications To Even Attempt. This is a much more nuanced topic

I've never been a tall beefy dude, but that's what my MC is.

Never been a parent, but I write parents.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Yeah, "make the effort to write this well" is very different from "don't write this"

And there's plenty of people criticizing JKR for how she handles specific topics...

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

yeeeeah....

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Including me.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

JKR is probably not a good example to bring up as a positive example for this topic, simply because of the issues that can REALLY distract from why she's being used as an example.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I like writing male character more often since I'm less stressed about writing the opposite gender, I know it's my comfort zone. I based some of the boys on my guy friends and have fun with the story. Though I'm making a difference by insisting on adding women more and pushing for strength and vulnerability.(edited)

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

J.K. turned out to be lacking a few brain-cells, but my point is that you can very easily write foreign experiences; every good writer does that all the time (as you all do yourselves!) and I think that extends to writing characters no matter the colour of their skin, sexuality, or gender identity.

DanitheCarutor

True, I haven't seen gatekeeping here, I'm just giving my thoughts on it. A while back on another server I read a conversation where some people were dissing the person who made Magical Boy on Tapas because they're not trans, even though they did a lot of research beforehand. I was kind of reflecting that, but I also empathize with people who feel uncomfortable with people who've never experienced a certain form of oppression writing about it.

Pff I've never been a janitor, but dang it! You can't stop me from having a janitor character!

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Janitors are the coolest guys, I'm telling ye.

Most chill people in the land.

B'ys, they can get along with anyone, I swear.

DanitheCarutor

They're like real life superheroes.

Deo101 [Millennium]

We're not saying not to write other skin tones, gender, etc. Just to be sensitive about it and aware that you can't extrapolate someone else's life experiences from your own, you have to ask

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

there's a difference between writing a janitor and writing a touchy topic like racism. Anyways, even if I was writing a janitor I'd do a ton of research on the job

Deo101 [Millennium]

Sorry I use a cane and I can tell when people didn't ask someone who uses a cane what it's like. It goes the same for a lot of things

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I'm not saying you are saying that! Simply addressing something I've encountered before.

I've used a cane before, though temporarily. It was...a pain in the ass, honestly.

Well, more like a pain in my leg. And my arm.

DanitheCarutor

@Eightfish (Puppeteer) Sorry, I was joking since Keii was talking about writing muscular guys and parents. It would be sad if I didn't know the difference between racism and an occupation. Lol

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

In any case, I don't think that writing somebody of an ethnic minority necessitates much on its own. Delving into racial issues, sure, yeah that requires a lot, but I wouldn't say that of writing the character itself.

I'd say the same of sexuality and gender identity if you're not delving into the respective issues thereof. If you know what you're doing, i don't think there's too much to it.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

@Page, Rambler Extraordinaire! Yeah, I think that's what a lot of us are saying. There is a difference between writing a character who's [this identity] vs writing a story that's all about exploring that identity.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

The latter requires a lot more research, agreed.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

oh i know @DanitheCarutor , you write a lot of lgbt characters after all. just adding my thoughts, not diagreeing

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

"If you know what you're doing" is the tricky part though

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Well, that's not that difficult in most cases. There is a sea of available literature.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

There's.... the problem of marginalized folks pointing out concerns in a work, and non-marginalized people dismissing their concerns because they don't see the issue.

Deo101 [Millennium]

It's also really easy to ask a person for their real life experience

People are usually, in my experience, more than willing to take some time and answer a few questions.

DanitheCarutor

On the Magical Boy thing, like I said, it wasn't you all, it was people on a different server and I wanted to bring it up since it's related to the topic. To do a more serious comparison, I've never had psychosis or schizophrenia but I'm writing a character like that. I did a lot of research beforehand though, like, A LOT.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Like for disabilities it's very easily to find all kinds of Medical information, but almost no first hand experience is available. So what happens is people are very accurate medically, but then extrapolate what living like that is like and still end up with a disengenuous story

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Surely, there's available literature on the subject? I'm sure that I could find some.

Deo101 [Millennium]

And Dani, same with me and schizophrenia. It's for a future comic, but I've been researching it and interviewing people for years now to be sure I get a story that would at the very least not hurt them

I mean I would think a better resource would be YouTubers with those things, actually.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

For a lot of topics, it's easier to find a firsthand experiencer willing to talk to you than to find some existing literature on the exact thing you didn't know you needed

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah like My condition is very rare and the best you could find on it for firsthand experience is like. A forum that's super old and inactive

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I still remember one review where the person said "I have a certain disability, and I'm sure this author doesn't have it -- but they know someone who does -- because they're describing the visible symptoms with uncanny accuracy, but are guessing all wrong about how it feels/how it affects your life in invisible ways."

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

That's a huge pitfall, I feel. There can be a big sensitive thing that you aren't even aware is a thing; therefore, you don't think to do any research on that facet.

Deo101 [Millennium]

It's really easy to make a post on social media like "hey can I interview people with ___ for a writing project?"

DanitheCarutor

Openness depends on the topic. It's really hard getting people's experiences with certain mental illnesses, also the small number of people suffering from it. I had a really hard time finding people willing to talk about certain things, especially professionals since they usually don't want to talk to you without paying money for it.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

^ That's also a good point.

Deo101 [Millennium]

That's true

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I think we're going back to the purity thing. You can't expect someone to truly represent the "invisible ways" it affects you very well considering they're...invisible.

Deo101 [Millennium]

You can ask

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

But I would definitely recommend trying to reach out to people with firsthand experience, and seeing if that's an option.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

I've been able to shoot emails off to professors before for questions. They're usually happy to answer a question or two.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

This is not at all like the purity thing IMO.

DanitheCarutor

A decent resource I found was a mental health forum, you have to get accepted to join, but it's basically everyone talking about their experiences with being mentally ill or being a volunteer for mental health care centers. Unfortunately there aren't any psychologists on the forum... Just nurses and caregivers on the non-ill side.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Again, there's a spectrum here...there's all kinds of possibilities between "how dare your extensive research have a single imperfection" and "wow, you didn't even try".

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, and it's not even a single lane spectrum! It's very complex and multifaceted/multilayered

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

And we're talking about this for marginalized people, but it can apply to any group/culture/situation you're not part of -- just look at any story where a European writer has an American character drive across the US in a couple hours

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Lmaoooo

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Or americans write Germans getting lost in their woods.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Alright, multilayered? How so? It's a spectrum from "B'y, you're writing about a black man in the 1700s being exalted in America" to "Why am I reading this ethnic studies textbook?"

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Naw mate, pick a direction and you‘ll find a street or at least marked trail in half an hour.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Okay, I can't answer that without draining my energy reserve for the next 20 weeks

DanitheCarutor

Lmao! As dumb as it sounds, something like that can also apply to animals. Like the thing Disney did with lemmings, and how Jaws portrayed sharks which caused this spike in shark hunting because everyone thought they were these monsters.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Would it be possible to summarize?

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

We've talked about a bunch of different aspects already -- like, how well did you research the medical symptoms vs. how well did you represent the day-to-day experience

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

No (at least for me), precisely because it's so complex and multilayered.

RebelVampire

This is a good convo and I am happy everyone has remained civil. That being said, I kind of feel it's gone a bit off-topic for an extended time regarding this week's question

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

it's hard to know what's worth a mature tag or not when even the websites themselves are vague. I started off with a character having the trait of cursing a lot, but then dropped that as i became paranoid of wts content guidelines

but i've gotten a decent audience since then and wts hasn't deleted my pages or anything so(edited)

i have no idea what the line is

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Webtoons is extra mysterious

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I host my own stuff, so I just put warnings up when a specific storyline is going to be more intense than the comic's average

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

because their comment system will auto censor words like "vague" (it becomes "***ue" or something like that) so you'd think they really don't want ANY cursing?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

yes! that has happened to me

Deo101 [Millennium]

Su***ious

Is one I see a lot

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

someone commented "sperm" on my pages once so i know wt doesn't censor that at least

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

...is that why the kids these days are just saying "sus" now

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

******in's Creed

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i don't understand what is the swear in suspicious?

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

lmao

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

It's a racial slur in some regions

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

ohhhh

i know what you mean

yeah rip

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

An auto-censor like that just makes a normal discussion forum seem 100x more scandalous/insulting than it actually is...

Deo101 [Millennium]

I got used to talking around then from mmo games ahahaha

Those chats that squelch you if you say one curse or something close to it by accident

But! On topic, I think asking whether something is too mature is a good idea, having a kind of beta audience or sensitivity reader kind of thing.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I think it's fine to make your own judgment calls as long as you're consistent, so readers know the same things will be reliably warned for

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

a beta reader wouldn't neccessarily know more about wt than me though

when it comes to blurry content guidelines that is

might help with mature or triggering content

because your tolerance might be different from other people's

Deo101 [Millennium]

Oh I mean like "hmmm I think this is a bit much. Do you think this is a bit much?"

And they go "na this seems like pg 13 to me." Or "hmmm I think it could probably freak someone out you might wanna lightly warn."

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

it's a blurry line because sometimes an arm getting ripped off stylishly is less triggering than a realistic depiction of like, a fingernail being ripped off

just gotta go by feeling, i suppose

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yep

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I agree that this is a case where there's no reason to think a beta reader has better judgment than you have yourself

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

yeah my friends are all like me

DanitheCarutor

WTs is weird. I used to have my comic up there totally uncensored, they featured it on the front page for about a month, but when someone flagged the nudity they wouldn't put the pages back up. Like... you think they would have known already? The nude scene is within the first 20 pages.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

and don't think much of gore and swearing and such

fuck dani don't say that you're making me paranoid again

RebelVampire

Classic it only takes one person to ruin something for everyone else

DanitheCarutor

@Eightfish (Puppeteer) From what I've seen of your nude scenes, I don't think anyone will really notice. I didn't even notice until you brought it up one time on here... or maybe it was in the Webcomic Updates server.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i hope so but as rebel said only takes one staff member

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Can i just chime in to say that the auto censoring with what y'all have said about WT really turns me off from that platform. Not into a site having that power, regardless of who uses it. It's like we said here, be responsible with your work with tags, but that extra hand in the pot makes me think of tumblr style censors and im not a fan.

Does tapas do that too?

Deo101 [Millennium]

Webtoon doesn't really have tags, it just has a toggle for a series being mature

They both do

So they don't get removed from app stores

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Ye i guessed as much

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Tapas has this feature that lets creators tag individual episodes as mature. BUT there is an additional layer -- if your comic is too mature even with the mature tag, they're forced to hide it from their iOS app, due to Fruit Company regulations.

DanitheCarutor

WT is trash, and the reader base is made up of children, don't go there! Tapas is pretty alright, they're fine with my comic being uncensored there, and they don't censor comments.

Yeah, there's what Keii said about the Apple app too.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

And it's up to Fruit Company to determine whether it's too mature or not. (Mine is too mature because of body hair, and I was told they'd put it back on the app if I erased the body hair in a specific episode)

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Still not a fan of that kind of censorship. And i agree with dani

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

ohh yeah i remember that body hair thing kei

DanitheCarutor

Oh crap, were we not supposed to name drop the app?

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Excuse me body hair

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Webtoons on the other hand will straight up remove any too mature episodes across all of their platform...s (site, iOS, android) if Google says "this is too mature"

Deo101 [Millennium]

I don't think it's censorship, it's more not allowing certain things on your platform

They're not saying you can't make it just that you can't post it there

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

It is censorship U cant post ur piece in its intended form

Like....body hair Wtf

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think that depends on how you define censorship

In any case, it's definitely not ideal.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

That is so .... Like Way to show what standards they want

DanitheCarutor

Gah the body hair thing. Thinking about it, I never got contacted by Tapas about my comic's mature content, but they probably knew trying to censor it would be a lost cause. Lol They probably just threw straight off the app.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

That's horrible Dani

DanitheCarutor

Naah, I don't mind. It's still allowed on the desktop site, and that's the only version I use so it's like nothing ever happened.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Still a gross move on their part. Not enthused with the passion to appease app stores with removing content that isn't 'suitable', but that is a diff convo.

DanitheCarutor

As one last derailing bit, if you're ever looking for a hosting site, Comicfury is the best for mature and adult work. They don't censor ANYTHING! Except hate-speech.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Oh i keep seeing more and more talk about that! Can i ask u more about it in shop talk?

DanitheCarutor

Sure, go ahead! I'll answer to the best of my abilities.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Wow

Just caught up

Back to the warnings thing...(edited)

In my experience, there are certain reasonable leaps in seriousness in comics, and other times when it appears jarring and out of nowhere, but in that case, I think it's simply bad writing, unless of course, it's a genre like horror.

But I think an author deciding to put content warnings should be up to the author on a case by case basis.

There are simply too many variables to come up with specific ground rules

As an example, I have a scene later on in my comic where a child dies. I don't show how it happens, but I was planning on showing the body afterwards. Nothing too gruesome, but definitely some broken bones. And I have been told completely opposite things, that it should be okay because I'm not showing the actual death, and on the other side, that showing the body at all is terrible, and I shouldn't do it. My concern is... If I don't show the body, how will the readers know that the child is dead? And how will I show the reactions of the other characters? It's just too complicated and specific of an issue to rely on general guidelines.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

B'ys, the real answer is to stop writing webcomics altogether! I'm telling ye! no webcomic, no problem!

I mean, sure, we'll be bereft of artistic output and dreams will be crushed...but hey, less stuff to do. Silver lining.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

what you mean most of us has made somewhat a living doing comics lol(edited)

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Lol, I want to make comics so uhhhhh???

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Aw...That sounds sad but depends how the body is presented? I mean I've seen mystery games with afew dead characters? Not a child yet.(edited)

Sometimes I've seen Anime do a light censorship by showing a bloodied child's shoe or gloves, or an arm but it can be disturbing(edited)

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

It's just that... dead children is a sensitive topic

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, a limp arm is what I often see

DanitheCarutor

I think it's because showing dead children is considered taboo? Like some games where you can kill other characters won't give you the ability to kill children, as well as movies that show character deaths won't show a child's death. It might be too insensitive for some people because children are innocent, and many people have had/are having kids, so showing them might be extra upsetting? At least that's what I assume is the reason behind someone saying not to show the child's death.

Ah, didn't notice Cronaj already said it in much fewer words.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

Ah yes, that reminds me that there are places where I put up different warnings than what the comic has - my side stories. Since my side stories are often ways for me to explore different styles of storytelling than the comic proper, they can often have different themes. Off the top of my head - one side story I wrote had a warning for cussing, one had a warning for descriptions of violence against a child, and one had a warning for getting in a bit deep into a character's PTSD. (oddly enough, both of those latter warnings were in reference to the same character, just with a time gap of a few years. though the PTSD in the one story involved a completely different event than the violence depicted in the other story. pejiba's had it rough)

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

@Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!) , @Cronaj (Whispers of the Past) , I was making a joke. :p

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I think the worst thing I'm going to show visually is a dead body and the whole story is about there being a dead body so I don't feel the need for any additional internal content warnings. I think my rule of thumb is just not to show anything that would be more shocking or upsetting than the premise of the comic would have you expect, and to have all warnings at the outset.

I agree with snuffysam's approach to separating darker and scarier content into side stories with their own content warnings or at least I would take a similar approach myself. It's okay to make stories that depict difficult topics but I think it's better not to disrupt the flow of a more lighthearted story if it can be avoided. Exploring difficult topics outside of the main story is a good solution to that

sagaholmgaard

I put a content warning the first time there was some violence and blood in my comic, since the previous pages had been mostly cute so I figured it was warranted. I'm coming up to the second time something potentially triggering happens- a guy gets killed 'on screen', but I don't think it's rendered in a worse way than the first time so I'm considering whether it's good to warn every time a scene like this comes up or if the first warning is enough to readers to have opted out if they dont want that sort of content

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

I had a read-up on age ratings and found out Nyx+Nyssa would fall under PEGI-16 due to realistic violence towards human characters, and will simply stick a 16+ sign into the corner of my page, which links to a conscience explanation why.

Desnik

So recently I've joined a writer's group and they ask people to stick warnings upfront so that readers can opt out of reading something that will upset them. I've found that it's helpful to warn for things that cause certain phobias, religious criticism, and minority experiences depicted w/o a sensitivity reader's guidance. I would also warn for drugs/alcohol usage since reading about that kind of experience can be a trigger for addictions.

I don't tend to write about anything super visceral but when reading I know I appreciate warnings about certain types of gore or violence

I think it's beneficial to be extremely specific with tags because for some reason YA-rated stuff can be very violent (so that makes age-based ratings completely nonsensical). Also not every story is going to treat serious issues with the same gravity so I think it's helpful to mention if some aspect is being treated in a melodramatic/unrealistic manner on purpose.(edited)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Like a standard comic might take say... 10 pages or more. Webtoon tends to shorten this roughly by half. Or by the 3rd or 4th episode, that major plot point happens.(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I feel "have a natural flow" is easier said than done, and also can mean very different things for different stories, and even different readers responding to one story.

(Maybe we should move this to shop talk as it's not relevant to this week's topic?)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

oh this is in shop talk? ok, I thought creator babble was relevant to this.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Nah, creator babble, if I understand it correctly, is specifically for weekly questions. This week's question is about content warnings

AntiBunny

My story is heavily inspired by film noir, so I think the occasional burst of violence should be expected.

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble #comic tea party #ctp

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wolf-555-writer · 6 years ago

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Still Breathing Part 5

Hope you enjoy this part :)

Special thanks to @kaddistar who helped filling in the gaps and made the story complete with her awesome ideas ;). Thank you so much! :D

Read part 1; part 2; part 3; part 4

Alex Danvers x Reader

Word Count: 2,018

Strolling on the pavement, lit up by street lights, it finally stopped raining. Roads still covered in rain from the downfall as you step in a puddle of water. Blaming yourself for making that stupid, unnecessary joke about a sensitive topic named the DEO.

“I mean... why? Why did I do that? Who knows what could have happened otherwise tonight... ”

On your way home, walking because it's not that far away, you feel like you're being followed. Looking cautiously over your left shoulder, you identify two shady guys. Sternly eyeing you from a distance. And both carrying weapons? One is wearing brass knuckles while the other has a club attached to his belt. You scoff. These two? Yeah, you can fight them with ease. No problem.

As you turn your head around again, a couple of other guys are standing in front of you. Waiting and blocking the way. One holds a baseball bat, the other is unarmed and in the middle someone with a beat up, swollen face, also gripping a wooden bat tight. You slightly recognize him, but it costs a lot of effort. It's the DEO Agent you viciously beat up earlier today at DEO headquarters. Trying to protect Alex as it, um- escalated a little.

“This time I’ll take you down! I will break you”, he howls at you, aggressively signing the bat while you keep your distance.

So… five guys, almost all armed. Can you take them all by yourself? Being slightly injured and unarmed?

“How about no…”. You don't hesitate and sprint away as fast as you can. Crossing the dangerous street and dodging the moving cars, only concentrated on escaping. The five men initiate their manhunt for you and accelerate fast. A few seconds later you catch the sound of screeching tires and a car honking loudly. Apparently one of them got hit by a grey sedan. Knocked out cold, motionless on the hood of that vehicle. One down, four to go.

Swiftly evading other pedestrians that you encounter in your flight as you ended up on the pavement at the other side of the road. Going back to where you came from, hoping you will reach Alex’s apartment in time. You perceived your bulky chasers had crashed into some people, hearing them cursing and shouting furiously. Guess they're not that light-footed as you. You have to admit, you're scared. No envision of how this will end.

“Pick up, pick up!”, hollering at the phone as you had quickly pressed speed dial. You had to call her. To inform her of what’s going on right now. Desperately in need of her help since you’re on the run, attempting to get away from these crooked men. But she’s not picking up, still hearing the phone ring. You cry out again.

“Come on Alex… Just pick up the damn phone!”. She’s sure as hell mad at you, you know that. Is that the reason she’s not answering? You give up. But, no- wait, you can’t. You can’t give up. Not now. You try her again. Still nothing as the call switches to voicemail. You grunt in anger, but decide to leave a message. It’s at least something... Heavily panting as you’ve kept on running, you speak:

“Hey Alex… I’ll make it quick. Um- I’m kind of on the run... as some men want to, eh, attack m-

The call is disrupted. You make an unpleasant landing on your right shoulder and your head smashes onto the concrete. Watching your phone crack on impact because it slipped out of your hand.

“Fuck...”, you growl. One of them catched up, faster than the others, and had thrown you on the wet, dirty pavement since he ambushed you from behind. You slowed them down right?! You should have never made that useless call. Only a block away from Alex. You were almost there...

The others have also reached you while you’re still struck down. Disoriented due to your crash on the sidewalk. They start beating you up pretty bad, for sure using their weapons. Luckily you inflicted some damage, disabling one. You kicked him right between the legs. The perfect spot. Now he’s on the ground next to you, in what seems to be in insufferable pain. Good. However, there are three left, who as of now have you surrounded. It’s too late to escape. You’re trapped, seeing the baseball bat approaching fast.

It broke a couple of your ribs. Now having difficulty breathing as you’re gasping for oxygen. Hearing the awful, disturbing sound everytime the blunt object smashes you. Curling up from the pain, bringing your knees to your chest. But one still managed to brutally kick you in the stomach with his solid boot. Only makes breathing even harder... The metal brass injuring your face while you desperately try to keep your guard up. The taste of blood dominating in your mouth and feeling excruciating pain in your whole, damn body. Not able to sense where the pain is as it’s everywhere. You can see bystanders watching, too afraid to interfere. However some are on their phone, hopefully calling 911.

“Why aren’t they doing something?! Help me! Help...”. You try to scream, get these words out, being in a serious miserable state right now. Except no sound is generated. Not that it mattered though, judging by the look on their faces and lack of action from the people observing you. You slowly lose consciousness, unable to keep your heavy eyes open. Pain getting worse and worse by the second. Still breathing and trying to think of happy thoughts...

///

[Flashback]

Heavily panting and sweat pouring out ‘cause you’re running up a great amount of stairs. In pursuit, chasing an alien with fire powers. Alex is in front of you, leading the team of Agents, including you, while you’re all fully packed and geared up. The old staircase is barely lit. So you use the flashlight mounted on your rifle to provide the little light needed to find the correct pathway. You’re almost out of breath as you eventually enter the rooftop of the building through a rusty door. Having passed all eighteen floors... This absolutely qualifies as a killer workout. Feeling sweaty and extremely heated in the uniform you're wearing with a heart rate somewhere around 170 bpm. The bright sunlight blinds you for a short period. Using your arm to cover your eyes, considering you need some time to adjust due to the transitioning from darkness into the light.

“Stop! Don't move, you're under arrest!”, Alex yells while you see another team of DEO Agents rappelling down from a transport helicopter to provide the needed backup. Except the alien doesn’t obey at all. Was to be expected... Alex reacts, firing her gun, as the alien also fires- um... fire?

“Look out!”, shouting while you quickly sprint towards Alex, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her away as she was almost burnt to a crisp. Sensing the heat radiating from the flames closeby, you both land on the gravelly rooftop. Noticing a curtain of fire had appeared, separating Alex and you from the rest of the DEO team who were still behind. Supergirl is not available at the moment since she and Director J'onzz are busy with another important case. But that’s okay, as of course, you have the situation completely under control... *cough*

“Great...”, you exclaim as you watch the alien rapidly turning around and flee while jumping to another building nearby. Alex had already freed herself from your tight grip, because your arms were still wrapped around her, and picked herself up from the ground. She doesn’t hesitate. Focused on the fugitive, she sprints towards the building’s edge and leaps. Landing majestically on the other building’s rooftop. Seeing her, you stand up and follow. But abruptly stop at the edge.

“How the hell do I do this? Don’t look down. Don’t look down...”. You want to continue, assist Alex in the arrest and have her back, but waver. Obviously you had peaked over the edge, following all those eighteen storeys down. Now staring into the depth. Lastly gaze focused on the distant harsh asphalt beneath, located between the two tall buildings. Suddenly gasping for air, unaware you stopped breathing for numerous seconds.

“How does she do this so easily?”. Apparently Alex doesn’t have any form of fear. “It’s now or never”, you speak to yourself, trying to provide the immensely, well-needed courage. You take some steps back, accelerate, and jump, as powerful as you can. Heartbeat hammering in your chest. Landing on the other building while rolling over your shoulder. You experience a rush of adrenaline bursting through your veins. Seeing them in the distance, you start to race towards the alien and Alex with all the energy left. They clearly have a head-start. Hearing the helicopter blades whirring, you look over your shoulder and see the other DEO team up in the air, tracking you. Petrified every time you jump from rooftop to rooftop, but you do it anyway, not being able to forgive yourself if something happened to Alex. You hop several buildings until there is no way out anymore. Still behind, you notice the alien is now aiming for the black DEO helicopter. Most certainly wants to shoot it down. You have to act right now, or it will crash and explode, costing all the Agents inside their lives.

Slightly panicking now that you feel the pressure of executing this flawlessly. There is no room for error. You look around, focussing, searching if there is something you can throw its way. It doesn’t matter what, as long as it can be used to distract the alien long enough. Turning your head while still running, your eyes lock with a metal object. Probably from an air-ventilation system. Grabbing it while in pursuit, you aim, calculating the perfect speed and trajectory.

“Alex! Duck down!” you scream with your last breath while powerfully swinging your dominant arm. Releasing the metal fragment. Brilliantly spinning through the air towards the runaway.

The alien already had their arms locked on the DEO chopper. Ready to blast flames to set it on fire. Suddenly it gets startled by the piece of metal striking their head painfully as Alex loyally followed your instruction. Slowing your pace down, being completely exhausted and now really out of breath, you see Alex. She has the situation perfectly under control. After she ducked down to evade the flying element, she swiftly jumped on the fugitive. Who as of now is a prisoner since Alex has pinned them down to the ground, easily cuffing the suspect. If you didn’t throw that object, the events could have played out an entirely different way…

Arriving at DEO headquarters, exhausted from the chase and definitely transmitting an awful, stinky scent, you enter the main floor. Stepping inside, you hear a loud clapping sound. Quickly looking up, you notice DEO Agents applauding, including J’onn and Kara who had returned from their mission. Alex walks up to you, probably due to your peculiar expression.

“W-why are they clapping?”, stuttering as you stare at them in confusion.

“You’re the hero of the day (Y/N)!”, she brightly answers, while you’re still perplexed.

“But… I-I just did my job. And you were the one that actually captured the fugitive”.

“Yeah… They’re also praising me you know. This is not all for you ”, Alex sarcastically returns, wide grin on her face. “You prevented what could have been a disaster. So you deserve this (Y/N)”, while she placed her hand on your shoulder.

“Come on”, Alex gently moved her hand to your arm and pulls you towards the group of Agents. You don't like to be in the center of attention which your face is currently displaying, skin coloured vibrant red. You just did your job, right? But you obviously can’t complain. This feeling of complete joy and happiness, overflowing your entire body. It feels right. You embrace it. Every second of it. Deeply breathing in this moment of total appreciation as you feel completely wanted, right here, right now.

Continue with part 6

#alex danvers #alex danvers x reader #alex danvers imagine #alex x reader #alex danvers x you #supergirl #supergirl imagine #kara danvers #j'onn j'onzz #hank henshaw #winn schott #wlw fiction #wlw imagine #fanfiction #alex danvers fic

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overhacl · 5 years ago

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MOBILE RULES

rules are simple -- sorry they’re so long-winded! But they’re important.

I’m Tea! They/Them non-binary 28 years old!

I make my own icons and graphics. Please do NOT steal them. I have worked hard making them!

,This blog will contain sensitive topics. I’m not going to water down Overhaul’s character, so don’t expect anything less from me. Overhaul will attack, maim, torture and kill. I prefer to respect the source material. Topics that will appear on this blog: Murder, death, gore, child abuse, torture, other dark themes.

Mun =/= Muse. This should be obvious. I don’t agree with everything my character says or does, and we do not share the same beliefs.

------

FOLLOWING & INTERACTING

疫 If I follow you it means i’m interested in writing with you! It may take a while for me to gather the courage to talk to you. I’m usually very shy with new people, but I like to try and jump in!

疫 PLEASE HAVE A RULES PAGE THAT CAN BE EASILY ACCESSED. I won’t follow if I am unfamiliar with you and have no rules page!

疫 If I unfollow you, I probably did so for my own comfort. If something really bothers me, and we’re mutuals or we’ve interacted for a while/you’re someone i’m close to, i’ll bring it to your attention. But if my comfort is compromised repeatedly for any reason I will unfollow, and in extreme cases: Hard block. Please don’t confront me about it.

疫 I am a PRIVATE blog. Meaning if we aren’t MUTUALS, please do not like my starter calls, send me ic asks, or reblog or reply to opens.

疫 I am SELECTIVE. My muse comes and goes, and I wont always be active here since I run about 4 other blogs. My muse for certain threads might be higher than it is for others, but this doesn’t mean I no longer want to interact with you! I try not to force myself to reply to things, and wait until I have inspiration and muse. It keeps me from burning myself out!

疫 I would greatly appreciate it if you didn’t pester me for replies at all. It stresses me out and makes me feel rushed. I come here to write and have fun.

疫 I’m not the best at plotting, but I do enjoy it! If you want to plot something, let me know! I’ll probably approach you, too, if I have an idea!

疫 I’m all for ooc interacting on discord! Discord is available upon request to any of my mutuals. I don’t really like talking using the Tumblr IM system! Something to keep in mind, though. I’m not always feeling up for talking ooc, even if i’m posting on dash! I tend to have bouts of low energy spells, so I promise it’s not me just ignoring you.

疫 DO NOT FOLLOW ME IF YOU SHIP UNDERAGE MUSES WITH ADULTS. DO NOT FOLLOW ME IF YOU ARE OKAY WITH PUTTING UNDERAGE CHARACTERS INTO SEXUAL OR SUGGESTIVE SITUATIONS. DO NOT FOLLOW ME IF YOU AGE UP MINORS FOR SMUT! This makes me uncomfortable. I will not follow you back.

疫 FURTHERMORE. DO NOT FOLLOW ME IF YOU WOOBIFY VILLAINS. If you make Overhaul soft and uwu for example (there are a lot of problems with this). As an abuse survivor, this makes me INCREDIBLY uncomfortable. I will ask politely that you do not interact with me. The villains are criminals who have done terrible things. A lot of them are victims in their own right, but that doesn’t absolve them of murder, child abuse, and other shit they’ve done. So if you do this, please dni.

疫 I prefer to interact with muses within the BNHA universe. I may make exceptions, but for the most part, I would prefer if you have a BNHA verse!

------

OTHER STUFF

疫 VAGUE BLOGGING, EXCESSIVE OOC THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR BLOG AND DRAMA WILL GIVE YOU A UNFOLLOW/HARD BLOCK. Please do not vague blog me if I unfollow.

疫 No god-modding, meta-playing/gaming, or killing off my character without my consent. I will not hesitate to drop a thread if this happens. I will not hesitate to block if it happens repeatedly.

疫 I’m iffy about NSFW. If it happens, it won’t be often. Please don’t pester me about it!! I LOVE TO SHIP. TOXIC SHIPS ARE MY FAVORITE. Ship with nasty man.

疫 I DO INTERACT WITH OCS. But i am very selective with them for personal reasons.Please make sure you have a rules and about page! If I cannot find one, I won’t follow back.

疫 Please don’t ask me if I want to roleplay with you. I dislike feeling pressured, or obligated to follow back.

疫 If you ever notice im interacting with someone who is problematic or toxic. PLEASE LET ME KNOW PRIVATELY. I do my best to avoid blogs like this, but sometimes I miss them.

疫 YANDERE STANS, CHARACTERS WHO ARE HEAVILY PORTRAYED WITH THE YANDERE TROPE, PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW ME. I HAVE BPD AND THAT TROPE IS INCREDIBLY HARMFUL AND ADDS TO THE TOXIC STIGMA AND STEREOTYPES ASSOCIATED WITH MY MENTAL ILLNESS.

疫 Religion is a topic that makes me very uncomfortable. If we’re close friends, i’m okay with light mentions of it and such. But if you have a muse who has very heavy themes of religion, I will not follow or interact with you. Sorry.

------

I have some triggers!

Child abuse - do not interact with me with anything of this nature unless it’s VAGUE (if you’re unsure about something PLEASE ASK). Do not talk to me about anything of this nature ooc. Please.

Animal death/abuse

Creepypasta (mostly imagery like the horror faces/Jeff the killer type stuff. I’m okay with watching or reading it on my own time, but don’t bring it to me unexpectedly. Seeing it unexpectedly can mess with my anxiety)

FNAF

Alcohol (please tag any and all mentions)

Real life gore (mostly things like intestines and broken bones and deep wounds where the muscle is visible, etc. things of that nature.)

Religion and politics. Do not talk to me about these things unless it’s relevant to a PLOT or your character. Characters that are heavily influenced by religion or religious themes I likely will not follow.

I’ll add more when I can think of any but these are my major ones.

#mobile rules #mobile law #rules #law

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thesffcorner · 5 years ago

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We Are the Ants

We Are the Ants is YA contemporary sci-fi novel written by Shaun David Hutchinson. It follows Henry, a high school student who gets abducted by aliens. The aliens pose Henry with a problem: the whole world is going to end on January 29th, 2016, and he’s the only one that can stop it; he just has to push a button. I’m slowly working my way through the really popular queer authors in YA, and Shaun David Hutchinson had been on my list for a while. I had been avoiding reading his books because I knew they dealt with heavy topics and a lot of abuse, and boy was I right about that. This is one of the most glib and sad books I’ve read in a while, and though that is mitigated by lot’s of humor and a hopeful ending, if you are at all sensitive to topics such as suicide, assault, and bullying, I’d suggest you stay clear of this book. First thing I’ll say is that Hutchinson’s writing style, is an acquired taste. You really have to enjoy this type of sardonic humor in order to get through this book, because especially for the first 100 pages, it’s relentless. We get the story in the form of Henry’s diary, and Henry is a very difficult character to like. He’s mean, he’s locked in a loop of self-loathing, depression, and hatred, and his entire outlook on life is justifiably bleak. As such, so is his humor; he spends a good chunk of the book calling his brother’s unborn child a ‘parasite’, and a lot of his internal monologue is the definition of the ‘too edgy for you’ variety. To give you an example: ”Turn on the news; read some blogs. The world is a shithole, and I have to consider whether it might be better to wipe the slate clean, and give the civilization that evolves from the ashes of our bones a chance to get it right” pg. 18 Personally, I was hooked. A few books have taken me back to what it felt like being a teenager so effectively, and this brought me straight back to the dark days, the endless drudge of school, confusion, hopelessness, feeling small and isolated, and like saying the world is shit and humans are idiots was the smartest thing anyone had ever said. Like Henry I too spent a lot of time pontificating on the futility of life and the universe, on being alone or dying, on the meaninglessness of existence. I did it for very different reasons that Henry, but the memory and effect were still the same. The fact of life is, when you’re a teenager you feel like you have all the answers, and all the adults are just too stupid or too ‘bought’ to see what is obvious to you, and this book really captured that feeling. The plot was not what I thought it would be, considering the premise. The book does revolve around the aliens and the end of the world, but it’s not an active part of the plot. Most of it comes down to Henry thinking about pressing the button, coming up with increasingly insane doomsday scenarios, and asking the characters around him if they’d push the the button if they were him. I found the various answers interesting, mostly in how they were all really unconvincing. I think that’s an intentional choice by Hutchinson, because really when you are in such a state as Henry is, what would be a convincing answer? Maybe you could make the most reasoned, researched argument, but at the end of the day, if you feel like you have nothing to wake up for, nothing will sound convincing. The alien are in reality are just a speculative element that Hutchinson uses as a way to externalize Henry’s internal conflict and mental state. Henry is dealing with a lot throughout the book; he’s dealing with the devastating suicide of someone close to him, with his father leaving him, his bad family situation, and the constant and relentless bullying at school and at home. The sluggers have a lot to do with that, and the abductions seem to be happening to Henry whenever he feels like he’s at an impasse or in a situation in which he needs to make a difficult choice. The main focus is dealing with loss, grief and depression, all of which I thought were presented extremely well, and believable. People deal with loss in different ways, and when it comes to suicide, especially the kind where the person leaves behind no explanation, no note, no last words, it’s almost impossible to conceive of a future where that specter wouldn’t haunt you for the rest of your life. Henry, his friend Audrey, and the person’s mother all blame themselves for the suicide, and the book in a way agrees with them; it was everyone’s fault and no one’s and the lack of concrete blame is infuriating and insurmountable. Henry especially tends to blame himself for pushing people away, and he feels like he wasn’t enough to keep the person alive. He’s obsessed with finding out why they’d done it; for someone who spends paragraphs talking about how nothing happens for a reason, how patterns are just in the human mind, and how life is meaningless and nothing matters, he is determined to find the reason behind the suicide, ignoring everyone who keeps telling him that the reason won’t bring the person back. It’s easy to see why Henry would blame himself; he’s someone who’s been dealt a really bad hand in life. I too was pretty badly bullied, especially in middle school, but it was nothing compared to what Henry goes through. Some of the scenes were so unsettling and so brutal I genuinely was sick reading them. What the characters in this book do to Henry goes beyond mere bullying and crosses into criminal assault, and I was glad that the adults and the police got involved, even if ultimately they were useless. It was at least a little comforting to know that though Henry felt like he was alone, there were people there for him, even if he didn’t see it. However, while I was glad the adults were present in the book, I don’t think they handled the situation appropriately. For example, Henry’s brother Charlie says and does some awful things to Henry, and there wasn’t ever a point where he’s called out on what he’s done, or a moment where he’s faced with the consequences of what he’s been doing to Henry for his entire life. It’s clear that Charlie loves Henry, but the way he treats him is not healthy or right, and he should have been held accountable, especially for the part where he blames Henry’s assault on Henry. The bullies too, don’t quite get what they deserved. Though it’s in a way realistic that they’d get away with things, the fact that Henry so easily forgives, especially one of them really didn’t sit right with me. Sure, there are always reasons for why people act the way they do, but what that character does to Henry is unforgivable, and goes way beyond simple growing disagreements. I’m not sure the message of forget about the people who made your life a living hell for years is necessarily the best one. The only other thing that annoyed me in the book, was how perfect the ending was. I think, especially considering how sharp and unflinching the story had been up until that point having the romance work out, and having no consequences come to Diego after what he does was a bit unrealistic. I am grateful that this book had a hopeful ending, but I just think it was too easy. Let’s talk about the characters. Everyone in this book felt and read like a fully realized person, and I loved that. We don’t have many characters, but the ones we do, especially Henry’s family were well developed. I loved how close Henry was to his Nana, and she was probably my favorite character. She has dementia, but she’s never used as a ‘burden’ or obstacle for the other characters; she’s a fully fleshed out person, and the surprise Henry throws her was so touching, it made me tear up. Audrey was a welcome presence in the story, and I liked her a lot, though she does suffer a bit from only girl who is Henry’s peer in the book. I liked that she had a lot of personal struggles, outside of Henry, but I found that they weren’t handled very well. She has a lot of backstory, but none of it plays a part in her relationship with Henry once they make up, and I found that she was unrealistically patient and wise for a teenager. I can absolutely say the same thing for Diego; there were many scenes where I was shocked to see him act so maturely around Henry, which just isn’s something I think teenagers would do. I’m also not gonna lie; Diego reminded me too much of Andrew from All For the Game. Not only do they have very similar backstories, his relationship with Henry was pretty reflective of that between Neil and Andrew. I thought he was fine as a character, but he did suffer a bit from manic pixie dream love interest. Finally we have Henry. I both loved and loathed Henry. He was one of the best written characters I’ve read from, which also entails all his flaws. He reminded me a bit of Mila from Undead Girl Gang; he’s confrontational and mean to everyone around him, in an attempt to deal with and hide the pain he’s still processing. The bullying that Henry endures in this book was beyond something I thought people experience, but I absolutely believed it would happen. It was both weird and nice that at least it didn’t revolve around his sexuality, not that what it does revolve around is any better. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to lose someone the way he has, and I though the dull, ever present grief he feels fully through every page of the book. It’s not about saving the world really; it’s about Henry finding the strength to save himself from his own depression, and I really, really appreciated that Hutchinson has Henry get on medication and go to a hospital. The state he’s in isn’t anything he can handle himself, and I’m really glad that he was allowed to seek out help. Overall, I really loved this book. It’s a difficult read, in spite of the sardonic tone and humor. If you think you can handle the subject matter I think you should give it a read; I can definitely see why people love it so much, even though it isn’t perfect.

goodreads

#we are the ants #we are the ants review #moni talks #book review

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bcdtouch-a · 6 years ago

Text

mobile rules

rules are simple -- sorry they’re so long-winded! But they’re important.

I’m Tea! They/Them non-binary 28 years old!

I make my own icons and graphics. Please do NOT steal them. I have worked hard making them!

This blog will contain sensitive topics. I’m not going to water down Shigaraki’s character, so don’t expect anything less from me. Shigaraki will attack, maim, and kill. I prefer to respect the source material. Topics that will appear on this blog: Murder, death, gore, other dark themes.

Mun =/= Muse. This should be obvious. I don’t agree with everything my character says or does, and we do not share the same beliefs.

------

FOLLOWING & INTERACTING

朽 If I follow you it means i’m interested in writing with you! It may take a while for me to gather the courage to talk to you. I’m usually very shy with new people, but I like to try and jump in!

朽 PLEASE HAVE A RULES PAGE THAT CAN BE EASILY ACCESSED. I won’t follow if I am unfamiliar with you and have no rules page!

朽 If I unfollow you, I probably did so for my own comfort. If something really bothers me, and we’re mutuals or we’ve interacted for a while, i’ll bring it to your attention. But if my comfort is compromised repeatedly for any reason I will unfollow, and in extreme cases: Hard block. Please don’t confront me about it.

朽 I am a PRIVATE blog. Meaning if we aren’t MUTUALS, please do not like my starter calls, send me ic asks, or reblog or reply to opens.

朽 I am SELECTIVE. My muse comes and goes, and I wont always be active here since I run about 4 other blogs. My muse for certain threads might be higher than it is for others, but this doesn’t mean I no longer want to interact with you! I try not to force myself to reply to things, and wait until I have inspiration and muse. It keeps me from burning myself out!

朽 I would greatly appreciate it if you didn’t pester me for replies at all. It stresses me out and makes me feel rushed. I come here to write and have fun.

朽 I’m not the best at plotting, but I do enjoy it! If you want to plot something, let me know! I’ll probably approach you, too, if I have an idea!

朽 I’m all for ooc interacting on discord! Discord is available upon request to any of my mutuals. I don’t really like talking using the Tumblr IM system! Something to keep in mind, though. I’m not always feeling up for talking ooc, even if i’m posting on dash! I tend to have bouts of low energy spells, so I promise it’s not me just ignoring you.

朽 DO NOT FOLLOW ME IF YOU SHIP UNDERAGE MUSES WITH ADULTS. DO NOT FOLLOW ME IF YOU ARE OKAY WITH PUTTING UNDERAGE CHARACTERS INTO SEXUAL OR SUGGESTIVE SITUATIONS. DO NOT FOLLOW ME IF YOU AGE UP MINORS FOR SMUT! This makes me uncomfortable. I will not follow you back.

朽 FURTHERMORE. DO NOT FOLLOW ME IF YOU WOOBIFY VILLAINS. If you make Overhaul soft and uwu for example. As an abuse survivor, this makes me INCREDIBLY uncomfortable. I will ask politely that you do not interact with me. The villains are criminals who have done terrible things. A lot of them are victims in their own right, but that doesn’t absolve them of murder, child abuse, and other shit they’ve done. So if you do this, please dni.

朽 I prefer to interact with muses within the BNHA universe. I may make exceptions, but for the most part, I would prefer if you have a BNHA verse!

------

OTHER STUFF

朽 VAGUE BLOGGING, EXCESSIVE OOC THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR BLOG AND DRAMA WILL GIVE YOU A UNFOLLOW/HARD BLOCK. Please do not vague blog me if I unfollow.

朽 No god-modding, meta-playing/gaming, or killing off my character without my consent. I will not hesitate to drop a thread if this happens. I will not hesitate to block if it happens repeatedly.

朽 I’m iffy about NSFW. If it happens, it won’t be often. Please don’t pester me about it!! I LOVE TO SHIP. TOXIC SHIPS ARE MY FAVORITE. Ship with nasty man.

朽 I DO INTERACT WITH OCS. But i am very selective with them for personal reasons.Please make sure you have a rules and about page! If I cannot find one, I won’t follow back.

朽 Please don’t ask me if I want to roleplay with you. I dislike feeling pressured, or obligated to follow back.

朽 If you ever notice im interacting with someone who is problematic or toxic. PLEASE LET ME KNOW PRIVATELY. I do my best to avoid blogs like this, but sometimes I miss them.

朽 YANDERE STANS, CHARACTERS WHO ARE HEAVILY PORTRAYED WITH THE YANDERE TROPE, PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW ME. I HAVE BPD AND THAT TROPE IS INCREDIBLY HARMFUL AND ADDS TO THE TOXIC STIGMA AND STEREOTYPES ASSOCIATED WITH MY MENTAL ILLNESS.

朽 Religion is a topic that makes me very uncomfortable. If we’re close friends, i’m okay with light mentions of it and such. But if you have a muse who has very heavy themes of religion, I will not follow or interact with you. Sorry.

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I have some triggers!

Child abuse - do not interact with me with anything of this nature unless it’s VAGUE (if you’re unsure about something PLEASE ASK). Do not talk to me about anything of this nature ooc. Please.

Animal death/abuse

FNAF

Alcohol (please tag any and all mentions)

Real life gore (mostly things like intestines and broken bones and deep wounds where the muscle is visible, etc. things of that nature.)

I’ll add more when I can think of any but these are my major ones.

#rules #mobile rules

13 notes · View notes

chimmy-joos · 7 years ago

Text

Monstrum

Description: Moving to an entirely new town is already hard as is, but now you’ve got a serial killer on the loose and your name is first on his Kill List.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

word count: 16.4k

tags: smut, angst, serial killer Jungkook!AU

WARNING!!!! I understand that this fic may be very triggering as it contains mentions of murder, extreme violence and rape, so if you are sensitive to those topics I recommend you DO NOT read this. Thank you in advance.

Moving to a new town is hard, especially after the company you worked for went bankrupt and you're left jobless and alone in the hot, summer weather. Thankfully, a close relative informed you about a new apartment near them that was insanely affordable. You didn't even think twice about the possible living conditions before driving out to the secluded town. In all honestly, anything would've sufficed as long as you got out of your old apartment which was now too expensive for you to rent out (not to mention the air conditioning cut off a while back).

The town was, to sum it up, eerily empty. A ghost town. The population wasn't even around a few thousand, probably 3,000 at most, and having a new face come in was as strange as an alien abduction. You knew you'd be the talk of the town for at least a week, but you dealt with it. The apartment that was for rent was cheap and you had internet connection. What else did you need?

Well, other than a job. You had taken care of that one as soon as you could, cruising down the shopping center lined with mom-and-pop stores up and down the boulevard. Stores like antique shops, a run-down movie store which only had movies from the 90's and all of them were in VHS, and even a carpeting store which you hadn't seen the open sign once since moving there. You wouldn't be surprised to see a tumbleweed passing through the vacant streets.

Near the outskirts of town was the sea and the long pier connecting the land to water. The wood leading off the coast was a dark brown and was chipping off at the edges of each piece, weathered down from the constant waves washing over the docks. Along the pier bobbing up and down in the water were fishing boats varying from simple canoes to ginormous metal ships.

The waters were a murky blackish blue, only the shimmering light from the sun as it illuminated off the surface. You peered into the waters as if to see through the thick blackness and the sandy bottom. The fishermen at the docks were very nice and very welcoming towards of you and warned you not to get too close or you'll tear your pretty face apart.

There was a place that caught your attention. Located more towards the downtown area where most of the population used their leisure time was a small donut shop. They were known for their jelly filled donuts and you stumbled across it while hunting for a job.

You ordered a glazed twist and a strawberry banana smoothie when the cashier smiled at you as he took care of your change.

"I recommend the strawberry jelly donuts. They are amazing." The man said, taking your glazed twist from out of the display and placing it in a small paper bag with the logo Sugarcoat spelled out in beautiful cursive font.

"Really? If that's the case, then sure, I'll take one." You smiled back which made the man's expression light up. He took out one of the jelly donuts, perfectly showered in powdered sugar, and placed in a separate bag.

"Let me know what you think." He said while handing you the bag before turning around to make your smoothie. You promptly took the donut out of the bag, curious to see what the excitement was all about, but after biting into the jelly-filled confection, suddenly nothing else in the world mattered.

"Oh my god," you stuttered, your hand going up to your mouth to catch any crumbs that had fallen from the crispy donut. "This is so good." Your brows wrinkled in disbelief and you thought, how could something so delicious be real?

"Isn't it?" The man turned around with your smoothie in his hand, topped with fluffy whipped cream. You nodded in response since no words came to your mind.

"It's so good. Amazingly good. How is it so crispy? And the jelly is so... so tart and sweet at the same time!" You exclaimed. The man nearly jumped over the counter with excitement.

"Exactly!" He grinned, clearly satisfied with your response. "I'm glad you like it. We use strawberries from my grandma's farm and they're all made right back there." He said and pointed a finger to the back of the shop, closed off by two swinging doors.

"Do you make them?" You asked, taking another bite and trying not to melt in front of him from the sheer deliciousness of the donut. He scoffed and shook his head.

"Oh no, I can't even make a omelette without it turning back into a chicken," he said and you fell into a fit of giggles. "The owner makes them but she's out doing errands right now so I'm covering the store for her."

"That's nice," you said and glanced around the bright shop. The walls were a vanilla white and had large, bright pink circles painted along the walls. On the largest circle was the name of the shop, Sugarcoat painted in the same beautiful cursive font. Overhead the menu, there were old pictures in black and white in what the assumed to be the first years of the shop. You guessed that, even in the city, there were mom-and-pop stores that thrived to this day. Around the shop were small tables that seated two people at each, each set of furniture followed the same white and pink color scheme. "I like this place. Are you hiring?"

The man shrugged. "Sure. It's only the owner and me, but I supposed we can take in a new face," he said and leaned over the counter, eyes narrowing in on you. "Speaking of new face, I don't believe I've seen you around here before. Are you visiting?"

"Nope, I just moved here let's say, a couple of hours ago?" You replied and the man's eyes widened. "I still haven't unpacked anything but I thought I should probably get a job first."

"Did you move into the new apartments that just opened up for rent?" He asked and you nodded. You figured word got around fast in such a small town like this. "Good luck, I hear it's haunted."

You jaw dropped. "W-What?"

"Yeah, why do you think it's been up for rent?" He said and you swallowed thickly. Seeing your paled expression, the man burst out in laughter. "I'm kidding. The old residents moved and the landlord was desperate to find new ones, which is why you're paying such a low price, am I right?" He smirked.

"Wow, you are a psychic. Tell me, what does my love life look like in the future?" You leaned in and fluttered your eyelashes and the both of you laughed out loud.

"If you're looking for a job, you can work here." The man said, his smile innocent and widened into a rectangular shape. Your brows raised in shock.

"Seriously?"

He shrugged in response. "Sure, why not? The owner's just an old lady, she won't mind having more company here. Also, I think you're kind of cool," he grinned and reached out his hand. "I'm Taehyung, by the way. Nice to meet you."

You took his hand and squeezed firmly. "Y/N, and likewise. Are you sure you should be making decisions while the owner's away?" You narrowed your eyes suspiciously and Taehyung shrugged.

"I'll be fine. I'll tell her when she comes back, so just drop by here tomorrow and we'll figure out all the legal shit or whatever." He rolled his eyes and you giggled. Maybe working here wasn't going to be such a bad thing. Sure, dieting would be completely out of the question since you would be surrounded by such tempting treats, but that was fine with you.

Taehyung and you spoke a bit more about the best hot spots in town, the cafe everyone goes to, the drive in movies that happens every Friday night. Taehyung warned you not to go because there will always be somebody getting caught having sex and he didn't want you to see it because more often than not, it'll be some middle aged couple and nobody wants to see that.

You returned back home and after filling up your stomach with sweet desserts, you decide to use your hyper energy to unpack your belongings. Taehyung offered to help, but you declined. He was already generous enough to give you a job, so you didn't want him to do any more extra work. Besides, you had moved into this new place by yourself and it wouldn't hurt to act like an adult for once, would it?

The owner of Sugarcoat was, as Taehyung described earlier, an aged woman. Wrinkles created thin crevices around her eyes and mouth and her cheekbones were starting to discolor as sunspots settled in. Her eyes were a deep, brown color and were covered by her loose eyelids. Her thin hair was streaked with strands of grey and white. Although her appearance gave away her age, she moved around quite nimbly. However, she did make Taehyung carry out trays of donuts to the front as well as picking up heavy sacks of flour, but she made every batch of donut by hand.

The owner told you to call her Sue, short for something, but she didn't tell you. You tried asking Taehyung but he didn't know either. As Taehyung assured you, Sue was very pleased to have another face here so Taehyung wouldn't be so lonely. He obviously retorted back to that, whining to Sue about how he was perfectly fine by himself, which only resulted in Sue scolding him. This was going to be a great job.

You received a uniform, which was simply a baby pink tee with Sugarcoat on the front. Other than wearing that, Sue couldn't care less about what you wore.

Apparently on Sundays, everyone closed up early. The entire shopping strip had closed down and the only places that were open were a few fast food restaurants and bars in which the old timers would head over to and perform karaoke throughout the night.

Taehyung invited you out for a meal and you gladly accepted it. He took you to a 24-hour burger joint and the two of you got a cheeseburger and fries. Taehyung pulled into a secluded parking lot so the two of you could eat in peace.

"So," Taehyung spoke up before remembering that his mouth was stuffed with food. He swallowed it down before continuing. "Why did you move to such a shitty place like this?"

You gave him a hard look. "It is not a shitty place. It's cute and makes you feel at home," You laughed and Taehyung muttered back an, I guess under his breath. You rolled your eyes at his childishness before continuing. "The place I used to work at went bankrupt and they couldn't afford to pay their employees anymore, so they fired each and every one of us."

"Ouch."

"I know," you sighed and peered out the window at the violet colored clouds that melted into the aegean sky over the blackened buildings. "This place isn't so bad. I can get a good nights rest without being interrupted by honking cars and my neighbors yelling at 3 in the morning." You scowled while remembering the terrible nights you spent awake back in the city because of the bustling world.

"True, but you do have to worry about tractors breaking down in the middle of the road and chickens stealing your crops." Taehyung shuddered at the thought.

"I'm starting to think you actually hate it here." You chuckled with a wide smile. Taehyung's eyes widened, but he couldn't open his mouth because of all the food stuffed in his cheeks. However, his expression said, I do! You gave him a moment to swallow his food before letting him continue.

"I'm glad you moved here, Y/N, but there's some things about this town that you still don't know about," Taehyung said and suddenly the entire mood in the car went grim. You noted Taehyung's averted gaze and his rigid jaw that clenched at he grit his teeth. He was eating so enthusiastically but now, he looked at his food as if he were holding a dead puppy. Suddenly, the smooth indie music playing from his CD left you feeling distant and detached from the happy mood earlier. You gulped, afraid to say something wrong in a situation such as this.

"What do you mean? Like, secret satanic rituals performed at night?" You laughed, but it only thickened the awkward air. Taehyung realized you were making a joke and the sides of his mouth jerked into a shadow of a smile before disappearing behind his scowl.

"No, I mean serious stuff." Taehyung took a long, deep breath to collect himself. "Recently there... has been some murders happening around town."

You blinked. "Murders?"

Taehyung nodded his head slowly with pressed lips as he hummed softly, anxious for your reaction.

"Murders. Murders as in, killing people or..." your trailed off your sentence, hoping something would come to mind but you were left with nothing.

"I don't know what else constitutes as murder besides killing people," Taehyung managed to chuckle a bit before the mood returned back to solemnity. "I didn't think much of it at first---nobody did since it's such a small town. Old people die often, but when it's women in their late 20's to mid 30's, people start to notice."

"Wait, women? It's only women being killed?" You stammered quickly; your heart rested suddenly increased upon hearing the age range in which you were creeping into.

"Yeah, only women. So far it's been, I think, five women? I forget the number of missing people posters are hanging up on the town bulletin." His eyebrows creased deeply and you knew he was recalling the faces of the victims. Your heart ached for Taehyung. You were new here and the only people you knew were Sue and Taehyung, but Taehyung must've been living here his entire life. He was much closer to the townsfolk and who knew, maybe he was friends with the victims as well.

Your body went stiff as the awkwardness in the air struck you. You didn't know what to say and how to make the mood better. But before you could say something might've made the situation worse, Taehyung let out a startling growl.

"Fuck! Fuck all this depressing shit!" He shouted and your jaw fell at the sudden string of curse words that spilled from his mouth. "I'm so sick of this town and all the stupid shit that goes on here! Like, Jack the Ripper stumbles in here and all of a sudden everyone's running like headless chickens!"

Your hands slapped over your mouth to silence your snort and not to ruin Taehyung's monologue.

"Taehyung, that's really harsh. People died, you know." You stated as a matter-of-factly.

"Look, I know you might think I'm some sort of sociopath---"

"No, not at all." You giggled.

"But my point is, at least something eventful is happening in this place." Taehyung shrugged in response and proceeded to shove fries into his mouth to relieve his anger.

"Why don't you move out to the city? I'm positive it'll make your life more eventful." You suggested and it only made Taehyung frown.

"It's not like I haven't been to the city. I've gone... for field trips in school and stuff like that, but I don't know if I can ever leave this place." He said and you caught a glimpse of a smile over his lips. "This is home."

You spent your time at the shop learning how to make donuts from Sue and decorate them. She gave you free range in that area, allowing you to dowse the donuts in as much sprinkles and edible glitter as you pleased.

Taehyung began leaving early to head down to the dock. Summer was fishing season here in town and Taehyung had been helping out at the ports, packaging fish and delivering orders throughout town. He came back to the shop reeking of smelt and trout and you took joy in watching Sue scold him for that. Although, it never hurt to receive fresh fish on your doorstep with a note that said, fry it using bread crumbs for maximum taste bud EXPLOSION!

On a day Taehyung wasn't working at the docks, the two of you suffered through the intense heat together. You had the air conditioning blasting throughout the store while Taehyung and you sat around sipping new smoothie mixtures that the two of you came up with. Sue had blessed both of you with permission to use the smoothie machine to keep cool while sipping on icy drinks. It was a slow day and the streets were emptier than usual, so Taehyung and you tried to come up with a new smoothie combination. He created a blueberry and coconut smoothie while you, taking a huge risk, tried lemon and pomegranate.

Let's just say pomegranate became your least favorite fruit for the day.

"How high is it?" You grumbled with your head thrown back as you slouched in your chair. Taehyung reached for his phone and slurped his smoothie.

"98." He replied. You groaned louder.

"It was just 96 like, two seconds ago!" You complained.

"Quit it, you baby. Sue's coming back with ice cream in a bit." Taehyung replied. You frowned, feeling sweat trail down your temple and your clothes matting to your body.

"At this point, it'll be ice cream soup."

Just then, the chime of the doorbell rang throughout the store, alerting you and Taehyung that somebody was here. Usually, hearing the doorbell would've been music to your ears considering you were currently working in the middle of a ghost town, but now, in this smothering heat, the last thing you wanted to do was get up.

In the end, it was your job and you didn't want to seem rude to anybody in this nice town, so you pulled your best customer service persona.

"Hi, welcome to Sugarcoat, how can I---" you froze; the words latched onto your throat and refused to come out. Your eyes were wide and staring so intensely as your jaw continued to descend to the floor.

The first thing you noticed about him was his eyes. They were wide and his thin eyelashes cast shadows over his brown eyes and onto his cheeks. His luscious, black hair was frayed in an unkempt manner, as if he had just gotten out of the shower and headed out the door. He wore a thin, black muscle tee revealed his chiseled arms and just a peek at his muscular chest.

He must've been wearing that because it was so hot outside and definitely not to show off his irresistible muscles. Most definitely not.

You also couldn't help but notice the bright red swimming trunks that he wore which caught your eye because of the outstanding color and not the way they accentuated his thigh muscles.

You gulped, eyes fluttering as if he were a mirage and you were trying your hardest to see through it.

"Hey, Jungkook. Long time no see," Taehyung greeted him and the two did a little handshake. Jungkook. The name fit him so well. "Are you still working at the pool?"

"Always have been since the 7th grade," he said, and his voice was like rich honey that passed his lips with a rolling purr. It sent shivers through your body, but nothing like the shivers you felt when his eyes fell on you. Suddenly, the world stopped upon Jungkook making eye contact and you didn't think it was possible to freeze up more than you already had.

"Who's this?" The edges of Jungkook's mouth jerked with a smirk.

"This," Taehyung politely gestured a hand to you. "Is our new hire, Y/N. I'm sure you've heard of her."

"Sure, heard of, but never seen before," his smirk widened and he tilted his head, eyes still on you. "Maybe I should've stopped by sooner."

"Maybe I should go out more." You replied, surprised that you could even form words. Jungkook's eyebrow jerked suggestively and you were quick to turn your gaze away.

"So what'll it be, my friend?" Taehyung smacked the glass counter, taking Jungkook's attention away from you.

"Mixed fruit smoothie, large, please." He smiled back. Taehyung gave Jungkook a thumbs up before turning around to make his smoothie. You slid next to Taehyung, nudging his arm.

"Hey, Taehyung." You whispered. He raised a brow at you while throwing frozen berries into the blender.

"Hm?"

"Who was that?"

"Oh, him? His name's Jung Jungkook and he's the lifeguard at the municipal pool." He sang and your eyebrows raised in interest.

"Lifeguard?" You whispered and glanced back at Jungkook. He was staring up at the menu with his lips pursed in thought. Occasionally, he would glance down at the donuts behind the glass counter and his eyes would sparkle. "He's sexy."

Taehyung froze and looked at you with wide eyes before rolling them back into his head. He huffed and pinched the bridge of his nose before placing the lid over the blender.

"You're actually delusional." He turned the blender on and drowned out any arguement from you. After making the smoothie, Taehyung handed it to Jungkook and he took it happily, handing Taehyung a 10 dollar bill.

"Stop by again sometime, Kook." Taehyung said. Jungkook laughed and pulled the straw into his mouth. He glanced over to you and you made the mistake of making eye contact with him. Although you wanted to look away so badly from embarrassment, there was something about his brown eyes that pulled you in so magnetically.

"Maybe I will." He smirked and turned to leave. After Jungkook left the store, you flopped down in your chair and sighed, fanning yourself.

"Is it just me, or did it get even hotter in here?" You asked. Taehyung reached for his phone again, sighing as he scanned the screen.

"Nope, its at 100 now."

On your day off, you took a trip to the pool. Just to get a good tan and maybe finish reading a book, and definitely not to snoop on Jungkook.

Definitely not.

You wore a simple, red one piece and threw a white kimono over that. With a pair of sunglasses sitting on top of your nose, you were ready to go to the pool.

It was a small building, there being a larger pool indoors that was mostly used by athletes to train as well as a pool on top of the roof of the building. Since it was summer, nearly everybody was up there. You took careful steps to the roof, the sound of your flip flops squeaking on the wet concrete.

When you reached the top, the sun immediately blared down on you and you promptly pulled your sunglasses over your eyes. You headed over to an open lawn chair, saying hello to some people that you knew. Sitting down, you pulled out a book from your bag and opened it to the page that you left off from, but you weren't reading at all. Your eyes scanned the pool in an attempt to find Jungkook. The lifeguard chair was empty so you assumed he was walking around.

"Jungkook!" The man sitting on the ledge of the pool with his legs submerged underwater bellowed across the pool, making you jump in your seat. You looked out to the far end of the pool to see Jungkook wading through the deep end, his hands clasped around a young boy as the child flapped his legs wildly. Jungkook looked over to the man, brushing his hair away from his eyes.

It seemed like time stopped the moment you laid eyes on Jungkook. His body glistening with water droplets that fell off his godly arms. You sighed dreamily when you saw his wide smile, which distracted you from ogling at his shirtless body.

"Don't baby him, okay?! He's a man, he can take it!" The man cackled and Jungkook gave him a thumbs up before returning his attention back to the child. You decided staring wasn't going to help you at all, so you turned back to your book. You would look up on occasion to see Jungkook watching over the pool in his high chair and take a moment to drool over his tanned skin. He would often scan the pool and when he turned to your direction, you would look back down at the book.

"Hey there," you heard his honey voice call out to you. You jumped and looked up, pulling your sunglasses over your head to see Jungkook smiling down at you. "Y/N, right? How's your reading going?"

You looked down at your book and gawked like a fish out of water, unable to answer the sudden question sprung onto you.

"I-Its great." You stammered finally. He sat down in the lawn chair next to you and you finally noticed that he pulled a loose black tee over his body.

"Really? What's it about?" He leaned in. You didn't know if he was faking his interest in your book, but nonetheless, you had no idea what you had read.

"It's um... its about---"

"You wouldn't know, would you?" He chimed in with a smirk. "I see you haven't turned a single page since coming here."

You looked down at your book and sure enough, your bookmark was still placed neatly in the middle. A bright blush covered your cheeks and you wanted to cover our face in embarrassment, but you weren't going to let him get to you.

"Isn't that considered stalking?" You narrowed your eyes at him. Jungkook shrugged.

"I'd consider it being observant," he smirked. "I have to know what's going on in my pool."

You raised an eyebrows and swung your legs over the chair to face Jungkook. He pulled back, startled by your sudden action.

"Oh really? Well then, if this is your pool, what are you doing over here talking to me?" You sneered with narrowed eyes. Jungkook's tongued the inside of his cheek as a smirk widened across his lips.

"Well," Jungkook leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together. "I'm currently on break so my coworker's covering for me." He replied and you glanced over to the lifeguard chair to see a blonde sitting there. "And I thought you'd be lonely sitting here, not reading." Jungkook grinned mischievously and made your cheeks color.

"I was reading." You muttered under your breath.

"Mmhmm, sure," he chuckled and scooted forward. "Are you free this weekend? I'd like to take you out."

You blew a raspberry and stared at him with wide eyes. "Wow, you work fast." Jungkook shrugged at that.

"I like to get what I want. So about it? Maybe a nice dinner date with a movie afterwards?" He suggested. You pondered on that, even though the idea seemed so romantic and perfect. You pulled your bottom lip under your teeth and smiled, pulling your hair behind your ear.

"I like horror, if that's okay with you."

Jungkook and you exchanged phone numbers and the minute you got home, he texted you. He was a very straight forward person and the first few texts from him laid down the time he would be picking you up, the place you would be eating at, and the movie you would be watching. He was sweet, always asking if his choices were okay with you but since you weren't familiar with the area, you let Jungkook take the lead.

On the night of your date with Jungkook, you dressed up in a casual, white romper and curled your hair just enough so it fell like waterfalls. He picked you up at 7, just like he said in his text and you didn't want to keep him waiting. Not to mention the fact that you were nearly shaking from excitement and boy did Taehyung receive the blunt end of your endless squealing and gushing over your date with Jungkook over the past week.

You headed out your apartment upon receiving a text from Jungkook. After stepping out of the apartment complex, you nearly melted after seeing Jungkook casually leaning against his sleek, white car which contrasted with his black leather jacket and ripped black jeans. His hair was messy, just like you liked it. Everything about him just screamed sexy.

Jungkook looked up when he saw you walking towards him; a warm smile spreading across his lips.

"Hey," he said, pushing himself off his car. He held out his hand and you grasped onto it. "You look beautiful."

"And you don't look so bad yourself." You giggled when Jungkook shrugged his shoulders.

"It's an effort. Shall we depart, madam?" He raised an eyebrow at you and opened the passenger door to his car. You pressed your lips together to hold back the wide grin threatening to show.

"Why, thank you." You said and stepped into the car. Jungkook drove to a steakhouse located downtown, where most of the modern stores were located. Sugarcoat was the one store that connected modern business to old-fashioned one since it had been around for so long but still kept that fresh, modern feel to it.

You ordered a filleted grilled salmon while Jungkook had a roasted, half chicken, which you took great joy in watching each such a monstrosity. Over dinner, he asked you about the city and what you did there. Jungkook had been to the city more than Taehyung, so it was easier to talk about it without explaining what everything was.

"Do you ever want to go back?" Jungkook asked, his eyes seemed to sparkle with curiosity as he listened to you speak. You twisted your lips in thought.

"Maybe one day, but I like it here." You chuckled.

"Really? In this shit hole?" Jungkook narrowed his eyes at you suspiciously, as if you had said the most offensive thing ever. You laughed out loud.

"You and Taehyung both. I don't get what's so wrong with this place! Why do you two hate it so much?" You argued. Jungkook licked his lips and scooted forward in his chair, leaning in as if to tell you a secret.

"Well, for one, there's absolutely nothing to do here. It's more boring than watching two snails have sex."

"I bet you'd love watching that, wouldn't you?" You sneered, making Jungkook pause. He quirked an eyebrow at you.

"Oh, I'm not interested in slow sex, baby girl." He smirked and your jaw dropped immediately. You gawked at him in shock at the sheer suggestiveness behind his words. Jungkook was a straight forward man who liked to get what he wanted, but for some reason, the way he dodged directly spouting risqué comments by lacing his words with subliminal, raunchy content made your face flush more than if he were to say it directly. The fact that he said slow sex was uninteresting and boring to him only hinted that he loved rough sex.

And god were you willing to do anything to experience that.

"Y-You---" you stuttered, eyes blinking furiously as you tried to find words to say. Jungkook chuckled as he rest his elbow on the table, leaning in towards you. You gulped as a whiff of his sweet cologne wafted through your nose.

"I know it's still early into the night, but I think seeing a movie is the last thing on our minds right now." He whispered to you, nearly purring into your ear. You squeezed your legs together and suppressed a moan. How could such a man trigger such a reaction from you from just talking?

Turning your attention back to Jungkook and away from the possible ways he could fuck you, you nodded. Jungkook smirked and stood up from his seat, taking your hand again.

The next thing you knew, Jungkook had you slammed and pinned against the wall of his apartment as his lips ravished yours aggressively. You wrapped your arms around his neck to hold you up, moaning into his mouth as his hands traveled up your sides. Jungkook pulled away with a growl, biting your lip in the process.

"Fuck, why do you have to wear this thing?" He cursed, pulling at your one piece romper. You giggled and began unbuttoning the romper in the front. Jungkook watched with wide eyes, anticipating the reveal of your supple breasts only covered by your bra.

You let the top of the romper fall and Jungkook exhaled in satisfaction, the sight of your tits turned him on so badly that his cock pressed painfully against his jeans. Jungkook snatched your hand and lifted you over his shoulder, rushing to his bedroom. He flopped you on the bed before dragging the rest of your romper down your legs and threw it on his floor.

"Off. I want it all off." He snarled, ripping your panties off. You hummed happily and reached behind your back to unclip your bra. Meanwhile, Jungkook had already stripped off his jacket and shirt and was now unbuttoning his jeans. After being completely naked, you got on your knees and watched with glazed eyes as Jungkook pulled down his boxers; his erect cock springing up. Immediately, he grasped his long fingers around it, stroking it a few times as a low grunt came from his throat.

"Come here and suck me off." He said. You gladly slid off the bed and got on your knees. Jungkook stood in front of you and you took his member in your hands. You stroked it rhythmically, squeezing it from time to time. Hearing Jungkook's moan as you rubbed your palm over his head made you determined to make him cum in your hands.

Remembering Jungkook wanted you to suck him off, you took him into your mouth and ran your tongue over the slit. Jungkook jerked his hips forward and hissed. His hands went up to run through your hair before gripping it tightly.

"Just like that." He said under his breath, eyes glossing over with need as he watched his cock disappear inside your mouth. You took him deeper, humming happily as he slid down your slick throat. You continued to suck Jungkook off as strings of moans and grunts left his mouth. He would occasionally throw his head back and you would look up to see his neck damp with sweat and his arms flexing as he gripped your locks.

Jungkook pulled your head back suddenly and you gasped when the sudden fullness Jungkook's cock gave you was snatched away from you.

"You were about to make me cum." He chuckled and helped you stand up by grabbing your arms. Jungkook pulled you close and planted his lips onto yours briefly before pulling away. He picked you up from under your arms and pinned you to the nearest wall; his cock pressed against the underside of your ass throbbing painfully. You giggled and ran your hands up his chest to wrap around his arms.

"You do work fast." You purred. Jungkook took his cock in his hand and slapped it against your folds making sure the tip caught all of your juices that were already lathered around your sex.

"Looks like you don't need any foreplay, do you?" Jungkook smirked as he continued to tease your hole with the tip of his cock. You whined in need, pressing your head against the wall.

"Please, Jungkook. Just hurry up and fuck me!" You pleaded. Jungkook wanted to tease you more, maybe taking the time to watch you squirm as his tongue explored every part inside of you, but seeing you so desperate for his cock made it impossible not to slam it into you.

He suppressed a possessive grunt with a shaky exhale and positioned his dick at your entrance, slowly entering inside of you, filling you up to the brim. You gasped as Jungkook's length stretched you out. It had been a while since you had sex that you had forgotten how good the stretch was.

"Holy fuck...!" You clenched around Jungkook subconsciously. He grunted and latched his lips onto your neck, grazing his teeth along your flesh.

"You're so tight. So fucking tight." Jungkook moaned into your neck before he began thrusting into you. He was slow at first, making sure that you adjusted to him perfectly before grinding deep inside of you. Your eyes fluttered back from pleasure and your jaw hung low.

Jungkook held you pinned against the wall with his hands gripping the bottom of your ass tightly as he continuously slammed into you. With each thrust, you could feel him reaching your deepest parts. When he pulled out of you, it was like being released from the sweetest sensation you had ever felt and you wanted more.

"God, you feel so good squeezing around me," Jungkook groaned loudly, his thrusts started become more erratic and rapid. His lips found yours and he sucked on your bottom lip, nibbling it. Finding it hard to stay up with Jungkook's hurried movements and your breath being taken away by his lips, you latched your nails onto his back and dug into them. Jungkook groaned into your mouth in pain as he pulled away, pressing his forehead against yours. "You like that? You like it when I fuck you deep?"

Your only response was a needy whimper and you nodded your head furiously while biting your lower lip. With every deep thrust, a burning sensation began to gradually grow hotter in the pit of your stomach. It was so intense that it came to a point where no moans were coming out of your slacked mouth. Jungkook caught onto the fact that you were on the brink of climaxing from the way your eyebrows knit deeply and how your fingernails were carving out crescents in the nape of his neck.

"Cum for me, baby girl. I want you to come all over my cock." He whispered in a husky voice. You whimpered, biting your lip in need before tightening around Jungkook. He moaned and his sporadic thrusts returned and they synced with his desperate moans and whimpers.

It must've been because Jungkook was striking your g-spot with every thrust of his and not because he told you to cum, but here you were, cumming all over his cock as he drove it into you without a second thought. You scrambled to stay up, nails scratching up his shoulder blades and the nape of his neck. Your pussy was pulsing around him, clenching involuntarily as pleasure washed over you in intense waves.

"Oh my god!" You gasped from oversensitivity. Jungkook began to move slower, pulling out of you so agonizingly slow and pushing his wet cock back in to grind into you.

"Tell me where you want my cum." He nibbled on the meat of your neck.

"Inside. I want it inside me." You exhaled sharply. Jungkook grunted and slammed into you; his mind was hazy from your sultry words. Jungkook managed to get a few hard thrusts in before he was spilling his seed over your walls and your entrance. His eyes squeezed shut and he tried not to black out from the blinding pleasure of your soft walls constricting around him as he came. Jungkook pulled out before his cock was throbbing in oversensitivity and slowly set your feet back on the ground. Your hand reached down to cup your sex and scooped up the dripping cum that leaked out of you.

"You're right," you said as Jungkook was putting his boxers back on. He glanced up at you through his sweat-soaked hair. "Slow sex is pretty boring." You laughed and Jungkook managed a smirk.

"I'm happy you think so."

The next few weeks go by in a fluffy daze with your heart dictating your every movement and action. Taehyung and Sue couldn't help but be somewhat creeped out by all the hearts you were icing on the donuts. Jungkook asked you to be his girlfriend officially after a long night drive to the outskirts of town. He proposed the question so subtly as you spoke about moving into an apartment with your significant other. Jungkook then asked if you wanted to move in together and you, quite taken back at his sudden question, told him that it would be appropriate to start off dating before moving in together to which he replied, then what are we waiting for? You could not stop screaming about that to Taehyung for a good week or so.

Jungkook would now stop by the shop to pick up a smoothie before going to work over by the pool just to see you.

"You should come by later." Jungkook smirked as he nibbled on his straw. The action was so nonchalant yet Jungkook pulled it off so sexily that you couldn't help but gawk.

"I'm not off until later tonight." You pouted, intertwining your hands with his over the counter.

"I'll miss you." He pouted back, gazing dreamily into your eyes as you melted into his.

"I'll miss you more."

"You guys are disgusting. Get a room, would you?" Taehyung gagged from behind you, nudging you with his hip to move out of his way.

"Oh, well, the storage room is empty. We can---"

"Absolutely not." Taehyung interjected with a glare and the two of you giggled.

"Alright, I gotta go or else my manager's gonna chew my ass out." Jungkook said before smoothly brushing his lips over yours with a kiss. It happened so quickly that you didn't have time to react, but he left you feeling bare and needing his touch so desperately. You watched him walk out the door, a silly grin spread across your face.

"I see somebody's in love." Taehyung snickered as he studied your face. You pulled away from the door which Jungkook had left through long ago.

"In love? No, not even close. Completely and utterly obsessed with him? Maybe." You shrugged and Taehyung flopped down in a chair from the lobby. A long and deep sigh came from his chest and the strange sound worried you. "Are you okay?"

"I'm... tired." Taehyung closed his eyes and it was then with the sun shining down on his tan skin that you could see the deep set of dark circles under his eyes. "It's gotten so busy down at the docks that they're not letting anyone go home until 3 in the morning." Taehyung complained as he rubbed his eyes. You frowned deeply. Seeing the usual energetic Taehyung so down and lifeless hurt you, but you knew there wasn't anything that could be done about it.

"I can always come down and deliver a smoothie." You grinned, trying to make him feel better. Taehyung purses his lips in thought.

"I don't know if drinking a smoothie while surrounded by disgusting, raw fish is a good idea." Taehyung laughed and scrunched up his nose at the thought.

Saturday nights were movie nights with Jungkook and you. Over the time that you two started dating, you've already went through all of the Disney movies and we're getting into early 80's movies. Now, Saturday nights were your favorites. On these nights, even if you didn't have sex (which the night usually ended with), just snuggling up with Jungkook on his couch with his arm around your shoulder and your hands intertwined together. His thumb would draw small circles over your knuckles and you melted the small gesture.

"I still think Samantha should've ended up with Ted." Jungkook shrugged his shoulders while popping M&M's into his mouth. You rolled your eyes.

"Ted was a freak and a stalker. Plus, Jake is so hot!" You exclaimed, making Jungkook glare at you.

"So that's your type? Cocky jocks that bully kids smaller than them?" He wrinkled his brow. You twisted your lips and tilted your head sideways.

"No, my type is cute lifeguard boys that think they're so much better than everyone else." You sneered and watched Jungkook's eyes widen and his jaw drop in shock.

"When have I ever?!" He snapped, grabbing your wrists and pulling you over him. You squealed, straddling your legs around him. Jungkook still held your wrists tightly as he gazed into your eyes. You stared back, melting into a soft smile upon seeing his puppy dog eyes. All of a sudden, Jungkook squeezed your wrists and your attention was pulled away.

"Your wrists are so... soft." He said in a low voice, almost inaudible. His thumb began rubbing small circles over it, feeling every tendon and gracing over your veins. There was an awkward silence that filled the room despite the ending credits of the movie you just finished playing in the background.

Suddenly, Jungkook's touch felt cold and distant. His eyes weren't filled with light and excitement and instead there was a shadow cast over them, void of his beautiful brown eyes. Now, you were looking at black marbles that paid no attention to you.

You jerked your hand away from Jungkook and the sudden movement made him jump, almost as if you had snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Sorry, I got lost in my train of thoughts. Where were we?" Jungkook said and let his hands fall on your thighs. You managed to smile back, part of you already forgetting what had just happened, but the other part was still uneasy. Of course, the former was definitely more dominant.

"Well, I believe I'm still waiting to receive my punishment." You sang in a sultry voice. Jungkook quirked a brow as you scooted up his legs. Your hands snaked up his chest to wrap around his neck, grinding on his crotch. He let out a deep growl in return as his nails dug into your thighs.

"You're such a treat." He said through his clenched teeth. Jungkook's hands grabbed under your thigh to pull you upward so you were no longer straddling him and instead your knees were digging into the couch. From that position, you were now face to face with your noses nearly touching. You inhaled sharply, surprised by his dominant actions and forwardness. Jungkook ran his hand up your hamstring slowly as chills ran through your body. You shuddered and let your eyes fluttered close. You were already anticipating the incredible sex that would come after all his teasing, so you didn't mind.

Then, as if to deliberately rip your mind away from thinking of anything pleasurable, Jungkook dug his nails into your skin and ran them along your flesh, leaving burning trails in their tracks.

"Ow! What the fuck?!" You pushed yourself off of Jungkook and stood up, looking down at your legs to see claw-like marks running across your leg. Your jaw dropped in utter disbelief.

"Y/N, oh god, I'm so sorry. I wasn't---" Jungkook immediately stuttered and stood up.

"What is wrong with you?" You snapped, taking a step back and putting a hand up as if to ward him off. Jungkook refused to take a step forward and his face fell upon seeing your panicked expression.

"Y/N, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking straight. It was an accident and it won't happen again. I promise." He said in a calming voice. You lowered your hand reluctantly while the other one continued to hold your hamstring, soothing the pain with soft rubbing.

"I think I should go home for tonight." You said hurriedly, grabbing your jacket and purse from the couch and turned to head out the door. As you fumbled with the lock, Jungkook approached from behind you, pressing his against the door.

"Y/N," he whispered into the shell of your ear. You froze and let his hand trail down your arm until he reached your hand. Jungkook squeezed it softly. "Have a good night." He said before pulling away. You exhaled sharply, very much tempted to stay and forgive him, but the mood wasn't right and you already had the door unlocked. In the end, you left Jungkook's apartment and drove home; your mood already bitter for the night.

A few nights passed after your falling out with Jungkook, but he still came by during work to say hi and converse before going to work. Even after a few nights passed, the marks Jungkook left on you that night still remained. Taehyung wasn't blind to it either. He noticed the uneasiness you portrayed when Jungkook came by the shop and he saw the way you clung to your body tightly, hugging yourself as if to make you smaller whenever you were in the presence of Jungkook.

He also noticed the red marks that mysteriously appeared after the weekend. He noticed how you wore long jeans instead of shorts despite the sweltering heat and when he asked why, you dodged the question. Taehyung wasn't dumb. Sure, he was a goof and was always looking for a good time, but he could read in between the lines. It was when the bruising hadn't gone away for days that Taehyung finally asked you about them.

"How are things with you and Jungkook?" Taehyung asked as you were wiping down the counters. You didn't react too much, but even from the slight twitch of your mouth Taehyung knew you were hesitant to answer the question.

"We're fine. We still see each other everyday and we hang out on the weekends." You answered quite vaguely. Taehyung frowned knowing that you were still dodging his questions.

"Y/N," he said, his tone firm. You glanced up at him meekly. "You know you can tell me anything."

Silence laid between you save the scratchy radio playing over the speakers and the soft humming of the smoothie blender behind you. You swallowed thickly. You were definitely afraid to tell Taehyung. This was something that happened in your relationship and you weren't sure if letting people know about it was a smart idea.

But Taehyung was your friend, your closest friend, and you felt guilty for making him worry.

Clearing your throat, you responded. "A few days ago, I was over at Jungkook's place. You know, Saturday is movie night and I went over to spend time with him. But then... things escalated and---"

"Escalated? Like how?" Taehyung leaned in over the counter. You gave him a look despite the seriousness of the conversation.

"You know what I mean," you said and looked down at the inside of your wrists. The mark was fading away, but the coldness and apathy you felt from Jungkook that night still made you shudder. It was as if he was a different person. "I thought he was being romantic and everything, that was until he---"

"Did he hurt you?" Taehyung perked up, nose flaring in silent rage. "He hurt you, didn't he?"

"No," you interjected quickly. "Well, not exactly. I don't think it was intentional."

"Y/N..." Taehyung sighed as if to one, collect his thoughts and two, hold himself back from saying something he might regret later. "I don't think that's healthy at all."

You nodded in acknowledgment. "It's okay, Taehyung. I'm okay."

"It's not!" Taehyung exclaimed loudly. You stared at him with wide eyes, clearly startled by his outburst. Taehyung took a deep breath and calmed himself. "It's not okay, Y/N. This is wrong. You shouldn't be with someone who hurts you."

"I know," you nodded, refusing to say anything more than that. You knew it wasn't right, but you wanted to give Jungkook the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it was just a one time thing. Maybe it was an accident.

"If he does anything else, let me know." Taehyung grunted and turned away to release his anger elsewhere. A small smile twitched at your lips. You were happy, or more enthralled to know that Taehyung worried about you to this extent. Heart-warming yes, but did it ease your anxiety? The unsettling feeling you felt in your gut whenever you were around Jungkook? The fear that Jungkook would hurt you again? Definitely not.

You assumed, since coming to this small town, that nothing eventful would happen. That was somewhat true. During the day, the townsfolk carried out their routine as if it were any regular day, not caring about anything else; not even batting an eye at the news of a serial killer on the loose. At night, you could sleep carefree without having to wake up in the middle of the night to bang on your wall to quiet the neighbors.

That was somewhat true.

It was nearing one in the morning and you were absolutely determined to finish the latest season of the new show you started. You had been texting Jungkook all night up until he had fallen asleep on you in the middle of the third season. You were just laying in bed, eyes red and stinging from forcing them to stay open so you could finish the show. As usual, the residents around you were dead asleep and the only sounds were either from your laptop or the barking of a dog.

You were dozing off at around three with a couple episodes left when the most unexpected thing that could happen in your apartment complex occurred. You were suddenly jerked awake by the sound of glass shattering. You straightened up your posture, eyes wide and alert as you looked around wondering where the noise came from. Your windows were still intact, but the sound was so pronounced that it could only come from your neighbor's.

You grabbed a cardigan before walking out of your apartment and into the hall. You could see other residents coming out; their movements slow and groggy as they had just woken up.

"What's going on?" You muttered to yourself and headed outside the complex to see a gathering of people standing outside. You poked and nudged your way through their shoulders to see what the commotion was about, only to reveal an array of broken glass on the ground.

"What happened?" You asked one of the residents.

"The house got broken into." The person replied and pointed the smashed window. Egg colored curtains swayed in front of it from the slight summer breeze that passed by.

"Has anyone called the police?" You asked, reaching for your phone in case nobody had done so yet.

"Don't worry, they're on their way. It's a shame nobody here puts up security alarms anymore. That way, the police'll be here quicker."

Indeed, the police arrived long after the woman's house was broken into. You were debating on letting the issue go and returning back to your apartment to finish the show if only the police were investigating right outside your window. You didn't know that the resident was living next door. There was nothing stolen, but that was the least of your worries. The police had found out through hours of investigating that the resident, a 76-year old woman by the name of Meredith, was murdered with a knife wound to the chest and died of blood loss. It wasn't said amongst anyone there, but they were all thinking the same thing.

This was undoubtedly another victim of the serial killer.

The police came to the conclusion that there was no more harm done other than the one murder and they would be wary of anything happening like this again. They suggested that you stay inside for most of the time and if not, be careful of your surroundings.

After everything had settled down, you returned to your apartment. You didn't want to stay after and witness the paramedics escort the elderly woman out of her home. If you weren't already so tired and sleep-deprived before, you were most definitely depleted afterwards. Luckily you didn't have work the next day (or in a few hours) so you slept in. Before going to sleep, you texted Jungkook and Taehyung and told them what happened so they would hear it from you first before word got around town as quickly as it did.

You awoke to a bountiful amount of text messages from both of them consisting of panicked "are you okay?" and "are you hurt?" More of a frantic and urgent manner with random capital letters from Taehyung but that was just his personality. Jungkook wasn't much different, but he was more mature than Taehyung.

You walked into Sugarcoat the next day and was immediately bombarded with questions from Taehyung. It was so much that it went from worrying about you to scolding you for being so careless.

"Taehyung, I'm fine! I've told you at least a thousand times over text that nothing happened to me!" You laughed at his absurdity.

"Well, you should still be careful! Who knows, maybe the person was going from house to house!" He continued to scold you and you rolled your eyes at him as his words went in one ear and right out the other. Just then, the bell on the door jingled lightly and the both of you turned your heads. You raised your eyebrows in surprise to see Jungkook panting; his hair was disheveled and matted to his forehead with sweat.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at wo--" you asked but before you could finish your sentence, Jungkook ran towards you and cut you off with an extremely tight hug. You groaned in pain and tried to tap on his back to loosen his grip, but Jungkook didn't budge. Finally, after a desperate whimper, Jungkook released you and his hands went up to cup your face.

"You're not hurt or anything, are you?" He asked, tilting your face in all sorts of directions as he examined you. You gently pulled his hands down away from your face and gave him a reassuring smile.

"I told you, nothing happened to me. I'm perfectly fine." You replied in your best calming voice. Jungkook nodded, but you could tell he was still hesitant to let the thought go.

"I can't believe there was another victim. There hasn't been one for the longest time," Taehyung shook his head in disbelief. His teary eyes wandered to the glass display of donuts and he ran his fingers over it. "Poor Meredith... the coconut sprinkled donuts were her favorite." Taehyung reached into the display and pulled it out, taking an unenthusiastic bite out of it.

"Are you going to be okay with staying at home?" Jungkook pouted as he gave you his signature puppy dog eyes. His fingers pushed your hair away from the face idly as he anticipated your answer.

"Well," you took a deep breath. "The police are still swarming around the complex like bees so I'd rather not stay there."

"In that case, you can stay with me. I'm sure my grandma would love having you." Taehyung smiled innocently. You were about to reply when Jungkook intertwined his hands with yours.

"I think it'd be better if Y/N stayed with me. You know, since we're dating and all." Jungkook squinted his eyes and you could nearly taste the sarcasm dripping from his words. You hoped Taehyung didn't take any offense to it because you knew his intentions were good, but when you glanced at him, his smile was still strong.

"Y/N? Is that okay with you?" Taehyung raised his brows. You felt Jungkook's thumb begin to rub circles around your knuckles which was his way to calm you. He always had a way to make your heart skip a beat by doing even the slightest gesture.

"That's fine," you squeezed Jungkook's hand back. "I haven't been over in a long time." You gazed upon Jungkook with dreamy eyes. He smiled softly at you and kissed you just as softly.

"I'll see you soon, then." He said and released his grasp from your hand. Jungkook raised his hand to Taehyung in a casual farewell before heading out the front and running back to the pool where he should've been the entire time.

"Are you sure about this?" Taehyung asked, bringing you out of your longing stare out the door. You turned back to him to see Taehyung's eyebrows wrinkled. "After everything that happened, you still want to stay at his house?"

You couldn't seem to answer the question right away. It was harmless; in fact, you knew Taehyung was asking only because he cared deeply for you. For you, being with Jungkook seemed to overshadow the fear of him doing something again.

"I'll be fine, Taehyung. If anything happens, you'll be the first one I'll call."

So the night crept in and Jungkook picked you up from work. You could see as you left the shop after closing up how Taehyung frowning in worry as he watched you leave. He probably wanted to say more and stop you from going, but he really had no right to say anything anymore.

Jungkook drove you to his place and the two of you caught up on work, personal life, and even passed around inside jokes. It was so nice to catch up and talk to Jungkook that you completely forgot the worries you had. He had a way of doing that to you; to take all of your worries and cares away so easily.

Upon arriving at Jungkook's apartment, you immediately got comfortable and changed into one of his oversized hoodies(which always smelled pleasantly of fresh linen) and stripped yourself of any undershirts and pants. You know, for easy access. After being void of Jungkook's company for so long, it was almost impossible not to rip his clothes off and mark up every inch of his body. The two of you must've been fucking for hours, round after round with little to no time for rest.

And then came your period of rest, at around one in the morning as you slept curled up in his sweater. You fell asleep with Jungkook's fingers raking through your hair, snuggled in his chest that radiated warmth.

You didn't think it was strange for Jungkook to carefully remove his hand from underneath you and sneak out of bed. Maybe he was just using the bathroom, or getting a drink of water. Maybe all that rummaging and clinking was him trying to find a cup in his drowsiness.

Then, rough hands were tangled in your hair, pulling strongly at your scalp. The covers were thrown off your legs as you were dragged off of the bed. Your mind couldn't wrap around what was happening through the sleep drawn over your eyes, muddling your mind in confusion. You felt your legs get scratched by the laminated floors of Jungkook's apartment and finally after seconds of realizing the pain coming from your head, your hands shot up in an attempt to release the muscular hands that were gripping your hair.

Your body was slammed against a wall and your breath was knocked out of you; you didn't even have the strength to utter an ow.

Your eyes fluttered open and you tried to make out the blurry figure that was now kneeling in front of you. Hands roughly grabbed your face and squeezed to stabilize your head so you could focus on the person. It wasn't long before his wide, brown eyes met yours through his soft fringe.

"Are you awake now?" Jungkook's voice was as smooth as ever, still retaining that velvety tone that always made you melt. "If you aren't, there's still much more to come." He flashed a quick smile before releasing his tight grip on your face. Pain began to settle in quickly from the stinging in your cheeks to the burning of your back. He stood up and walked to the kitchen table and grabbed a frayed rope. He examined it for a few seconds before running his palm over it, feeling every fraud strand.

"W-What---" you tried to speak, but your words tumbled out of you in a quiver. Jungkook didn't bother letting you finish as he knelt down in front of you, grabbing hold of your leg. You gasped sharply, panic overcoming you as the true severity of the situation came to realization. "Don't touch me!"

Jungkook slapped you across the face and your mouth fell open in shock. Never had you been hit by your significant other, and for someone like Jungkook to do it was unbelievable.

"Stop struggling and we'll end this quickly." He growled under his breath. Despite all your struggling and thrashing, Jungkook still managed to push your legs together and tie them with the rope. He grabbed your face again and squeezed making you gasp and hold your breath in sheer fear. Your limbs weren't listening to you even though your mind screamed for them to move. Jungkook was so close, so vulnerable that with a single punch you could get away, but your arms were frozen. Trembling.

Suddenly, Jungkook was no longer the cute lifeguard that visited you at work. He was no longer your boyfriend that took you out to dinner and made mix tapes for you, about you. His eyes no longer looked at you with affection and adoration and instead a cold, glazed sheet fell over them. His hands that used to hold you in their comforting warmth were now working nimbly with ease and practice to tie up your wrists in a thinner rope.

Suddenly, Jungkook was no longer your Jungkook.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a red ball gag, raising it in front of you for you to examine it.

"Open." He demanded. You didn't move. He grabbed your face again, fingers sinking into your tender cheeks. "Open up or else I'll rip your jaw open." He growled and your jaw fell open in obedient silence. He popped the gag into your mouth, scraping against your teeth as you resisted just slightly, but not enough in fear that Jungkook would do something to hurt you.

"Perfect," Jungkook smiled in satisfaction as he gazed upon his work. Your feet were bound together by the rope which dug into your ankles with a sharp pain every single time you struggled. Your hands were the same; tied tightly together by a rope and knotted for extra measures. "I knew your wrists would look beautiful in those ropes." Jungkook's hand reached for your face and you turned your head, shuddering in sheer fear.

"What's wrong? All of a sudden you hate when I touch you? What about two hours ago when you were begging for me to touch you? Hm?" Jungkook sang in a mocking tone and with every single word, the urge to vomit became stronger. How could someone you felt so fondly towards suddenly seem so revolting?

"So here's the plan, Y/N," Jungkook shifted into a squatted position. "You play it by my rules and I'll make things quicker for you. Painless, even. If you don't and you make one single sound, I'll make sure that pretty little face of yours won't be seen ever again." He stroked his knuckles against your cheek, too softly for a psychotic killer.

"Do you understand?" He asked, eyebrows wrinkled. You don't remember if you nodded your head or if you just sat there shaking uncontrollably. Whatever you did, Jungkook stood up from his squat and headed back to the table of supplies. As he ran his hand over them, his lips pursed in deep thought as he pondered on what to use. The clinking of metal rang in the apartment.

In the corner of your eye, you watched as Jungkook pick up a long, sharp knife that made a resounding shing. You cried out desperately, tears streaming down your cheeks.

"Oh, you like this one? I like this one too." Jungkook chuckled and set the knife aside. You squeezed your eyes shut and felt the tears pool at the corners of your eyes. You wondered what you did that caused you to end up in this situation. Was it because you forgot to wish your grandmother a happy birthday before she died a month later? Was it because you forgot to give the right amount of change to a customer? How could you have been so ignorant and blind to the fact that your boyfriend was a psychotic serial killer?

Jungkook returned to your side with cheerful steps and a drawstring bag slung over his shoulder. He knelt down and gripped the area where your feet were bound by ropes and then where your hands were before picking you up effortlessly. He reentered the bedroom and threw you onto the bed carelessly before stripping the drawstring bag off his shoulder. He opened it and pulled out the same knife that you saw before.

You cried out a muffled scream as best as you could with the gag in your mouth and thrashed around in a useless attempt to free yourself. The more movement you made, the more the ropes dug into your skin, peeling and scraping at your wrists and ankles until blood seethed through the shallow cuts.

Jungkook stilled your movements by climbing on top of you; straddling his thick legs over your waist. He held the knife in his hand as an eager smile curled at his lips.

"Why are you doing this?" You managed with a shaky voice, but with the gag in your mouth it came out as 'hwai aw hyuu doohing hiss'

Jungkook wrinkled his brows, clearly surprised that you could even speak in a situation like this. "Because I'm bored. I'm so unbelievably fucking bored in this shit town that I decided to take matters into my own hands. The police should be thankful that they're actually doing their jobs instead of sitting on their asses all day not even giving tickets to those who drunk drive."

Jungkook let out a frustrated huff after his monologue and you continued to stare at him because you knew he wasn't done.

"I know what you're thinking. 'Why not move out to the city if you're so bored?' Well, news flash, the city's boring too. There really isn't anything better than watching defenseless women cry and beg for their lives like sows."

You didn't realize how hard you were glaring at Jungkook until your eyesight became blurry from you squinting at him.

"What? You have something you want to say?" Jungkook asked and pulled the gag from your mouth; trails of saliva connected to it.

"You're a monster, Jeon Jungkook."

He frowned and shoved the gag back into your mouth, scraping against your teeth in the process. "I changed my mind. Unlike the others, I'm going to take my time with you. Slowly torturing you just to hear those sweet, sweet cries," he sang as he ran the blade along your cheek so agonizingly slow. You felt the blade sink into your skin as a sharp pain shot through your face; you whipped your head away and cried out desperately with your legs squirming beneath him.

Jungkook grabbed your neck and gripped it, his fingers digging into the sides of your neck. You gasped and your body immediately froze up.

"God, you're so aggravating!" He grunted and pressed his palms against your Adam's apple. "You know, I'd rape you right now, but knowing you, you'd probably like that, wouldn't you?" Jungkook released his grip around your neck and you gasped for air in rapid, desperate intakes. Jungkook pressed the knife against your other cheek and created another incision along your cheekbone. He continued to do so, inserting tiny cuts into your skin which gradually grew into larger, deeper lacerations which you could feel blood dripping from as they mixed with your endless tears.

Throughout the entire time, Jungkook seemed to be enjoying himself. It was obvious from the small smirk on his face as he worked on you. His crazed eyes burned with a manic glow.

Jungkook made his way to your jaw and scraped the blade along your mandible. Your breathing suddenly became erratic and frantic the moment you realized how close he was to your neck, your vital arteries which would end your life almost instantly. Feeling the blade sink into your skin, you squeezed your eyes as millions of thoughts zipped through your mind.

You wanted to apologize to your family for all of the stupid shit that you said or did to them. If not that, then maybe a simple goodbye would suffice. You wanted to see Taehyung again, to laugh with him again and talk endlessly about the most strangest topics. Your mind traced back on all of your mistakes and you regretted every single one of them, even if they didn't matter anymore. You regretted ever meeting Jungkook and lusting over him. If it weren't for you and your thoughtless actions, maybe you wouldn't even be in this situation. Maybe it was your fault that you were going to die without a last word to anybody.

To your surprise, Jungkook didn't slice into your flesh and have your blood spurt out and stain his bed. Instead, he pulled the knife away and tossed it aside.

"I just had a wondrous idea." He smiled and climbed off of you. A part of you was relieved that you didn't die. A big part of you, actually. But that was immediately overcome by the dread of what idea Jungkook could possibly have in his twisted mind. It was as if you had accepted your fate, not even resisting as Jungkook picked you up again and headed for the door. Before leaving his apartment, Jungkook pressed his mouth against your ear.

"Just know that if I hear a single peep from you, you will be responsible for an entire massacre in this town, do you understand me?" Jungkook hissed. You nodded, knowing that he was dead serious. Jungkook opened the door to his apartment and grabbed his keys which hung from a wall mount. Jungkook walked down the hall of his complex while humming an upbeat song. You contemplated on screaming out. Just straight up bellowing as loud as you could without a care of what your throats would feel like afterwards. It was a thought, but it was also a suicide mission. You decided not to, not because you were afraid of dying because at this point it was going to happen sooner or later, but because you didn't want to drag anybody else into this mess. If anybody was going to die, it was going to be you and you alone.

Jungkook loaded you into the trunk of his car before slamming it shut. You heard him walk around to the drivers side and climb in. The car started promptly afterwards and then he was driving off to who knows where. During the drive, you could hear Jungkook playing music which reverberated throughout the car. It was calming, in a very twisted way. You were swallowed in complete darkness and your heart was beating intensely, but hearing a familiar tune helped you take your mind away from the harsh reality you were about to face, even if just for a short time.

After what seemed like an eternity of laying in the trunk, the car pulled to a halt. Your eyes shot open and you focused on the sound of Jungkook getting out of the car; his footsteps became louder the closer he approached you. Then, the trunk clicked open and you were blinded with the sudden yellow fluorescent lights. You squinted to shield your sensitive eyes that burned from the abrupt shift from complete darkness to blinding light.

Jungkook pulled you out from the trunk and set you on the ground, which was an aged pier with wood splinters poking out. You looked around to see yourself on the dock. The long wooden platform was illuminated by the same yellow hue from the lights above that stretched all the way down the coast. It was completely empty, not a single soul to be seen or heard. Just the soothing sound of water crashing against the wooden planks holding up the dock.

You didn't have the pleasure of enjoying the lulling silence of the water before Jungkook yanked you away by your wrists and dragged you down the dock. You yelped as the wood stabbed your legs with splinters, but your cries went unheard.

Taehyung raised his head from behind the giant crate of fish, still fresh from today's catch. He looked around with wide eyes, body frozen stiff.

"What... was that?" He muttered to himself. Ever since he started working at the docks, the older fishermen always teased Taehyung about ghosts showing up at night. His fear of the supernatural was already a nuisance enough, but now that he was staying late into the night, his paranoia was amplified tenfold. Not to mention he was alone tonight after his superiors had left him to do all the dirty work like they did every night.

Taehyung considered leaving the fish to rot while he ran for his life, but not only would he get an earful and possibly one less job, but he was sure the ghost or whatever was out there would find him. He quickly placed the lid over the crate of fish and peeked out from behind it again to get a better view of the dock.

There he saw it. A limping woman in her pajamas, all bloody and hair strewn over her face...

A stifled scream rumbled in Taehyung's chest and he ducked behind the crate; his hand clutched over his chest to calm his beating heart. Okay, maybe the old men weren't joking about a ghost, not that Taehyung ever doubted them, but to see it in the flesh was completely different than hearing about it.

Taehyung, letting curiosity and wonder get the best of him, slowly peeked out from behind the crate again to see if his eyes were playing tricks on him. And to his surprise, the woman had disappeared. That was either a good thing or bad if she had suddenly decided to pop up right behind him.

Taehyung's eyes wandered the docks in search of the ghost when he saw something strange. The front of a car parked at a careless angle. He narrowed his eyes at the familiar dented bumper.

"Is that..." Taehyung muttered, slowly creeping out of his hiding spot to catch a better view. The closer he got, the more Taehyung was sure that the car belonged to Jungkook. He could recognize that car anywhere. But what was Jungkook's car doing here? And more importantly, where was Jungkook?

He crept out of his hiding spot and tip-toed to the car with light steps, making sure the weight of his footsteps didn't cause the dock to creak. When Taehyung saw the car up close, he was certain that it was Jungkook's car. There was no doubting the matching Playboy air fresheners that hung from his rear view mirror (Jungkook's was black while Taehyung had a white one).

Taehyung peered down the dock, squinting his eyes to adjust in the darkness that swallowed the end of the dock despite it being lit by the lights overhead. Then, he caught a slight movement---a jerking motion as if... as if someone was dragging a heavy object. Something in Taehyung's mind clicked together and he ducked behind the car as his hand shot over his mouth to silence any sounds that could possibly be heard.

There was no mistaking that Jungkook was here, but who was he with? Why would he be here in the dead of the night? What business did he have at night, disposing of something large into water that was so thick with dirt and blackness? It was a perfect place to hide something, or worse, someone. If that were the case, then Jungkook could possibly be...

"Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Taehyung didn't stop the stream of curses that came out his mouth as he ran his hands through his hair in a frustrated manner because he didn't know what to think at this point. He didn't even dare think of the hypothetical that his best friend for years had been murdering women and dumping their bodies into the waters of the town that he grew up in his entire life. It was just impossible.

Not believing his own thoughts, Taehyung peered over the car again. The figure, which Taehyung knew was Jungkook at this point, was getting further down the dock. If he squinted his eyes hard enough, Taehyung could see legs flapping around in a frantic manner.

"They're still alive!" Taehyung gasped in relief and shot to his feet. But wait, if he were to go over there, what could he do? Kindly ask Jungkook not to kill an innocent person? Even if Taehyung were to barge in there, the outcome will be the same.

Fuck that. This was a human life he was talking about. Nothing is more precious and important than that and Taehyung was more than prepared to put his own life in danger if it meant saving another.

Before heading over, Taehyung rang the local police station, silently cursing them for not picking up immediately, but when they did he informed them of the possible danger that was about to go down.

"Hello? Yes, I have information about the person who broke into Meredith's house recently." Taehyung said as he took slow steps down the dock. He wanted to move faster, but he also didn't want to risk getting caught by Jungkook and add another name to Jungkook's kill streak.

"How do you know that?" The officer asked.

"My friend lives in the same apartment and she saw the face of the intruder. She wasn't able to report it to the police because she had to leave town for a trip."

"I see, thank you. Where are you right now?"

"I'm at the docks and the intruder is here. I saw him walking just a while ago."

"I understand, we'll be there as soon as possible." They said before hanging up. He felt bad for lying to the police, but at least it'd give them a real reason to come down to the docks instead of trusting some boy's guttural instinct about his best friend being a serial killer. Taehyung turned the flashlight on his phone on and flashed it down the dock as he approached the end.

"Who's there?!" He shouted, loud enough for Jungkook to whip his head around in panic.

"Shit," he cursed under his breath before pushing your body behind a ole of fishing nets. His hand stroked your hair gently, too gently for the words that came out of his mouth afterwards. "I won't hesitate to give you a swimming buddy if you make a single sound, do you fucking hear me? Not a single sound." He gripped your leg tightly before standing up.

"It's me, Jungkook." Jungkook replied to Taehyung, covering his eyes from the blinding light from Taehyung's phone. He lowered it and his eyes widened in shock.

"Jungkook? What are you doing here so late?" Taehyung asked, stepping closer.

"Just taking a breather."

"What about Y/N?"

You tensed at the sound of your name. It was the perfect opportunity to scream out and get Taehyung's attention, but the image of Taehyung's dead body sinking down beside you stopped the scream mid-throat. You simply sobbed silently, trying your best not to let your shaking shoulders move the net.

"She's still asleep. Why are you out?" Jungkook asked nonchalantly, clearly unshaken by the sudden interruptions in his plans.

"I'm still working. They're still making me stay behind to finish inventory and shit like that." He laughed shakily. There was no way Jungkook couldn't sense the uneasiness seething out of Taehyung. He was nearly shaking in his own skin.

As the two talked mundanely about work, your mind raced with ideas of getting his attention. Maybe if you moved while they were talking, Taehyung could see you. But then what? By doing that, you'd put Taehyung in danger as well. Then again, you could just sit here and do nothing. Your life was in danger and you were not about to just give it up to some psychopath who you thought was your loving boyfriend.

As you slowly inched yourself into a position where you could raise your legs more easily, you were grateful to hear their conversation include more laughing than interrogating. It was just a slight raise of your legs, but it could very much be considered the deciding factor of your life.

Taehyung was no different than you. He was simply stalling Jungkook in order to make time for the police, but anxiety still bubbled in the pit of his stomach. What if he was too late? What if Jungkook had already disposed of the body before he reached him?

Taehyung's eyes began darting around frantically as he was running out of conversation starters and searched for another way to distract Jungkook.

Then, he saw it. The rustling of the fishing nets shied away in the shadows created by the dock lamps. At first he thought it was just being pulled along by the crashing waves, but remembering how long it took Taehyung to heave those nets out of the water, he knew that wasn't the case. Jungkook was too busy talking about his job to hear the rustling and the waves were too loud to hear it, but Taehyung was positive he saw it move.

They're alive.

The only thought that ran through his mind was such and a wave of relief crashed into him. It took him a lot to hold back on pumping his fist in joy.

"You know, you've been working hard, Taehyung. Why don't you go home and rest? Don't you have work tomorrow anyways?" Jungkook said.

"Well," Taehyung paused and took a breathe. "I should say the same to you. Making sure little kids don't drown sure sounds tough." He chuckled and jungkook pulled a smirk.

"Well, it's a good thing bodies float, right?" A thick silence filled the space between Jungkook and Taehyung as they stared at each other with tense glares. The only sound present was the softly crashing waves against the poles underneath the dock, the faintness of police sirens in the distance, and the slight scraping against the wood coming from your direction. Immediately, Taehyung's eyes darted to you and his heart dropped the second Jungkook turned his head around.

In an instant, Taehyung leapt towards Jungkook, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and pushing his weight against him. Jungkook slammed against the dock and groaned in pain. Taehyung held him down as he pulled his legs over him.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Kim Taehyung?!" Jungkook shouted as he reeled back and swung at Taehyung. He moved back slightly, luckily only getting brushed by Jungkook's knuckles. Just when Taehyung thought he was safe, Jungkook's other fist met Taehyung's side and sent him doubling over.

"I should ask you the same thing!" Taehyung grunted and knocked Jungkook in the cheek. His eyesight was laced with rage as he continued to parade on Jungkook's face with fists. While doing so, he looked up at the fishing nets. He didn't know if you were watching, but you must've heard what was going on. Taehyung saw only the outline of your leg in the light, but he shouted anyways.

"Hurry up and move!" He yelled and Jungkook punched Taehyung in the gut.

Their brawl continued and you were giving your best effort to roll away from the edge of the docks because one wrong move could have you tumbling over and sinking down to the ocean floor. You managed to pull yourself over onto your side. The best option would've been for you to keep rolling over until you were in a... safer place. Nothing about this situation was remotely safe. The next best thing was to get somewhere far away from Jungkook.

"Get the fuck off of me, Taehyung!" Jungkook growled and pushed Taehyung's chest, but he was resilient and determined to hold Jungkook down. It was just until the police arrived, but it was starting to feel like an eternity.

"You do realize what you're doing, right? This is murder, Jungkook!" Taehyung retorted back with a punch, which Jungkook skillfully dodged with a jerk of his head.

"Of course I know what I'm doing! Stop treating me like I'm some sort of kid!"

"Then grow up! If you've got nothing else to do besides murder and ruin people's lives, then maybe you should leave! Leave and never come back!"

At that, Jungkook lunged at Taehyung. He gathered his strength and sat up, causing Taehyung to topple over. Jungkook grabbed Taehyung's collar with one hand, gripping it tightly in his fist while his other hand rained down on Taehyung with punches.

It hurt you to see your dear friend get beat up so you turned away, inching further down the dock, further away from Jungkook. You kept repeating 'please be safe' over and over in your mind because the last thing you wanted was Taehyung to be in the same position as you.

You were almost to the end of the dock when you felt your leg get pulled behind you. You yelped out loud and turned back; your face fell when you saw Jungkook holding onto your leg. His face was painted over with pure rage. He had cuts and bruises all over his face especially around his cheekbones and nose and his hair was matted to his forehead with sweat. You glanced over at Taehyung who was on his side, holding onto his stomach as his face contorted in pain.

"You..." Jungkook heaved and pulled you up by your wrists. You screamed and although it was muffled by the gag, the shrillness of it reached across the dock.

There was no hope anymore. There was no savior, no superhero to come to your rescue.

"You really pulled a fast one on me there. Both of you," Jungkook turned back to Taehyung and breathed out his nose. "You must've been thinking you were getting the upper hand, weren't you?" He snorted condescendingly. Your face exploded in embarrassment because he was absolutely right. For a moment, you actually thought you were going to live.

Jungkook walked closer to the edge of the dock and for some reason, the feeling of fear left you. You had no energy, no will to resist nor fight back. At this point, death was pretty much inevitable. Now, you wondered what drowning would be like. How long could you hold your breath, or should you even hold your breath at all? How cold would the water be as if enveloped you in its soothing embrace? How long would it be for people to find your body? Decaying and eroding away in time with the ocean's current, snuggled safely in the soft sand on the bottom of the ocean sounded like a dream.

By the grace of the gods, Jungkook released you. You were too doped out and dazed in your imagination to realize that the police had pulled up.

"Freeze! Drop the girl and put your hands in the air!" An officer yelled and Jungkook followed their orders. His hands slowly reached above his head as he clasped them together. He couldn't do anything now, not when he was surrounded by people carrying weapons.

The police immediately rushed in and took Jungkook custody by pulling his hands down behind his back and locking them with handcuffs. A few officers ran to your side, brushing the hair out of your face to see if you had any serious injuries or if you were even alive. They promptly untied the ropes from your joints, but since you were in that curled up position for so long, it seemed almost impossible to stretch out from it. It was as if you were paralyzed.

Taehyung seemed alright, for the most part. When the police arrived, he had already gathered enough strength to stand, still clutching his stomach which ached whenever he moved. Taehyung watched Jungkook get pulled away by the police, trying to hold back a smirk. He knew it wasn't the appropriate time, but he couldn't help it. He saved you.

The police had wrapped you in an emergency blanket and carried you out to the ambulance which arrived just shortly after the police had. You sat on the edge of the truck as medics attended to your wounds, wrapping them up in what seemed like an endless supply of gauzes. You were silent for the entire time and found it hard to find your voice. Although, you knew you had to speak up at some point for future interrogations with the police. Everything happened so fast, you were stuck wondering if it was really over.

After treating you, the medics gave you a cup of coffee, but they didn't provide any cream or sugar so you simply held it in your hands to warm yourself up. All of a sudden, Taehyung's shouted your name and your head whipped up to see him rushing towards you. You set the coffee cup down before Taehyung knocked it down with his squeezing bear hug. You whimpered in pain, but there was something comforting about Taehyung's arms binding you together tightly.

"I'm so, so so so so so glad you're okay!" Taehyung exclaimed, his voice cracking from holding back potential tears. You gave him a sympathetic smile and returned the hug.

"Thank you, Taehyung. Seriously, I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't come." You replied as tears blurred your vision. You bit your lip and a hand went up to dab them dry. Even through your efforts to hold back tears, they all decided to come streaming out at once from the overwhelming emotion of reassurance that still didn't seem real. To be completely logical, your psychotic boyfriend attempted to add you to his long list of victims. Sobbing shamelessly was completely reasonable.

Your light tears eventually turned into frantic hiccups which Taehyung tried to calm down by stroking your back. He sat beside you on the truck while looking out onto the scene that played before him. Police officers were scattered along the dock, marking it up for potential evidence. Taehyung glanced over at the police car that held Jungkook and his heart sunk into his chest. He sat there in the backseat, staring off into space with a tense expression. His locked jaw and dead fish eyes were enough to express the frustration Jungkook must've been feeling. Thinking about what could've happened to you if he hadn't intervened sent shivers through Taehyung's body. He might've been considered a hero in your eyes, but at what cost? Both of you were traumatized and you might never trust anybody ever again.

Just then, as if Jungkook knew Taehyung was watching him, he looked over and locked eyes with him. Taehyung inhaled sharply and straightened his back in a poor attempt to look stronger despite getting his ass handed to him just minutes before. Jungkook smirked and his lips moved slowly as he spoke. It was slow enough for Taehyung to read his lips as he annunciated every syllable and when he realized what Jungkook had said, he paled and found it extremely hard to swallow.

See you soon.

It wasn't long before you got back into the swing of things. The doctors suggested you take things slow and not to engage in too many extraneous activities (which you used to your advantage and made Taehyung wipe down all he tables after closing) and they had you come in for regular checkup. Luckily, since you had no fractured bones and nothing was torn, your recovery didn't take long at all.

Talk of Jungkook being the mysterious serial killer became the only thing the town talked about and still hadn't died down even after your recovery. You couldn't imagine what they must've been thinking; a young boy that everyone saw grow up only to turn into some sort of... monster. Especially Jungkook's parents who couldn't even look anybody in the eyes after that. They locked themselves up in their house, away from everyone's stone cold, judging eyes. You felt sorry for them, so say the least. It wasn't their fault their son turned into a psychopath killer. In all honestly, there was nothing they could do to change what Jungkook became.

You heard news that Jungkook had been sent to a solitary prison across the state, but despite the distance between you two, the mark he made on you still managed to keep you up at night. Sometimes you would wake up in cold sweats, arms wrapped around yourself to still your shaking body. He would appear in your dreams and flashbacks of the incident would interrupt you in your daily life. Sometimes, your imagination would make you think you saw Jungkook riding down the sidewalk on his skateboard, but he would disappear with a double take.

You started calling Taehyung in the middle of the night because he was one of the people that could calm you down. Him, as well as your parents, but you always felt bad for calling and interrupting their sleep so late at night. Of course, you felt bad towards Taehyung too, but he reassured you that he didn't mind, so you took his word for it.

Although your body has recovered from the wounds, there was still a deep scar in your memory that still haunted you after the fact. But you were fine, for the most part. You still had your job, your family, your friends, what else could you need? What else could you possibly ask for?

Perhaps, maybe a pill that would erase your memories and heal your insomnia, but other than that, nothing.

#jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook scenario #bts jungkook smut #bts scenario #bts smut #GOD I AM REALLY SORRY FOR NOT WRITING #X1000000 APOLOGIES

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