#you probably already have a hell of a lot of exchange of germs anyways

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is being creeped out by the entire concept of indirect kisses

.

[marbelcrossovers]

If any, how are the interactions between Xanxus and his daughter ??(baby, kid and teenage)

Baby He doesn't know what he's doing and he doesn't like to be alone with her. Finds the crying annoying but never yelled at her for it (has yelled at Levi to "make the kid shut up"). Grunts in displeasure when Katsuki drops the baby on him. He tried to put the baby on a pillow or somewhere not close to him but quickly got spooked cause she almost fall or looked like she was going to injury herself. In the end, he very unhappily lets her sit on his lap. A lot of frustrated "No" and "Don't do that, you stupid <mutes himself as the next words are not appropriate and Katsuki's going to smack him if he heard>" Matilde is a happy and carefree baby. Wiping her drool or spilling the milk bottle all over Xanxus's shirt without a care in the world. -Xanxus: "Stupid germ bag, hurry the fuck in growing up and stop looking so weak." -Matilde: *Baby noises* Kid The habit of letting her sit on his lap stayed. He drops her off on her separate throne chair besides him when she got older though. Starts sending her off to tutors but occasionally he will gives a few pointers that are definitely too mafia. Matilde watches him when he maintains his guns. He doesn't talk casually with her, more like give out short orders or questions. Sometimes if he needs alone time with Katsuki, he'd scoop their daughter up and drop her off with a maid or one of his officers despite her protesting. But he does give her everything she wants. Everything. Toys and nice clothing, food and books, it's like everything he never got as a kid before being adopted he made sure she had it all. Matilde is a bit scared of him, especially when he's angry. Still smiles a lot around him though because she realized he likes her more when she smiles. She thinks he's cool and strong though. And since he's the one to make the final decisions around the castle, she looks up to him. Matilde has also gained enough survival skills to know when she needed to run away from him or get Katsuki (crucial in Varia) -Xanxus: "...She's starting to look like the brat when he was younger...Got my fire in her, probably won't kick the bucket soon. Fucking hell, there's no way we're getting another one, Kastuki." -Matilde: "Papa's scary...I want Mama. But I can't lead Varia when I grow up if I'm always scared of Papa. Mama said I gotta stand my ground!" Teen He checks in on her progress weekly. Don't got a lot of nice things to say but there will be at least a nod of approval. He trains her himself when he is not busy and it is as spartan as Reborn had done to Tsuna. A constant back and forth between "WTF did Dad (Katsuki) see in you, you old drunk?" and "I'm not a kid anymore! Stop treating me like I can't handle myself!" on Matilde's side. Matilde is eyeing for Xanxus's spot as Varia's boss already and looking to collect her own set of guardians. Xanxus turns a blind eye to her "acting out of line" unless it's something real stupid and dangerous. He will sneer at her when her attempts to defeat him failed with a mocking jab of words. But she's still super proud to be his daughter and prides herself in being Varia's princess. Xanxus is the person Matilde goes to if she fucked up and know Katsuki is going to be angry. There's an exchange of an offering of peace (or bribe) along with a "Please, Father". Xanxus would look at her and huff out of amusement before taking the bribe, ruffling her hair, and going to deal with Katsuki or clean up the mess Matilde made. Matilde's standard for romantic partner is that they got to compare to or be better than Xanxus in all areas (minus the anger issues), preferably with Katsuki's cooking skills too. -Matilde: "*screaming* STOP SCARING OFF MY DATES!" -Also Matilde: "I'm going to prove to you that I can already do better than you, stupid old man! Varia's going to be mine anyways so fucking go have a honeymoon with Dad already!" -Xanxus: "Those trash are not fit to be called dates. And you still haven't defeated me yet." *raises wine glass in a cheer*

[jesswritesthat]

hey babe! i love your writing so much!!! so i recently watched kaguya-sama: love is war and i was wondering if you could do a headcanon of kuroo, bokuto and atsumu where their crush gets sick and they visit her and she drags them into her bed to sleep with them? you can decide how it ends. thank you so much in advance if you do end up writing this! i love you and take care of youself💞

Hello lovely! Thank you so much for this, I’ve never seen Kaguya-Sama but it sounds really cute. Also take care of yourself too and I hope these are okay! Much love 💕

Summary: Bokuto, Kuroo and Atsumu checking up on their sick crush headcanons

>>>>—————————>

Bokuto Kōtarō:

• Has felt like he's been missing something all day but couldn't quite decipher what it was until Akaashi mentions how you're off sick.

• Thats when your phone is bombarded with ‘urgent’ messages inquiring about your wellbeing to the dramatic extent of:

[ Kou: (N/N)! You haven't answered me yet, are yOu StiLl AliVe?! ]

[ (N/n): no ]

[ Kou: Aw, can I have your cool headphones then, since you won't be needing them anymore? 😁💕 ]

[ (N/n): Wow Kou, I'll haunt your dumbass at Volleyball games for that. ]

[ Kou: Even in death, your support means everything to me. ]

• Despite his nonsense he kept updated with you throughout the school day by sending memes in hopes of raising your spirits. The most peace you got was during Volleyball Club time - the Ace too invested to message you at that point.

• At the end though he calls his team for a serious discussion and they're all expecting major improvements on their gameplay ready for Nationals.

But no.

"What can I get (N/n) to make her feel better, this is crucial. I need only good ideas!"

• They all knew about his crush on you, he wasn't exactly secretive about it but you were none the wiser. Even so, Fukurōdani offered what advice they could to their friend because like him, they cared about you too.

• "Akaashi picked up your schoolwork." Bokuto says as he walks into your room, waving the papers and placing them on your side.

"And you didn't think to take notes for me?"

"Nah, I wanted to bring you good stuff."

"Fair point."

• Bokutos likely brought everything he could find once he went home and changed/showered - he's got flowers, your favourite snacks, drinks, medicine and some movies to cure your boredom. Like how much do I owe you???

He's says it's fine though, in return you have to be better by tomorrow.

That's not how it works Kou.

• You're both seated on your bed watching some shitty movie when you start getting a bit sleepy and you just want warmth.

"Can you give me a hug Kōtarō? I just need a hug, I know how weird that sounds..."

• Doesn't even think twice about it, he practically tackles you onto the covers which elicits lovely giggles from you - the potential of him getting sick too isn't even considered, he's just focused on being with you and making you feel better.

• His arms are so warm and they’re beautiful, you forgot how toned he is and you grow so comfortable in his embrace. He’s also really relaxed about it and is calm enough to ramble on normally - except when you nuzzle against him during a cold shiver. Bokuto full on freezes mid sentence, releasing a cautious breath prior to changing the subject.

��� It’s obvious he’s content with you though, and surprisingly falls asleep first which makes you laugh. Kōtarō keeps a strong but delicate hold on your body and is subconsciously receptive enough to your every move. You adjusted yourself slightly which stirred him, his voice is much huskier than before due to sleep but remains concerned.

“Can’t you sleep (Y/n)? I can-“

“I’m fine, you’re keeping me warm.”

• With a nod of understanding he’s gone again and you follow shortly afterwards, the both of you unintentionally making the nap a sleepover. Which you only realise the next morning - still in his arms even if the position has changed. You take a few minutes to enjoy it.

• Miraculously doesn't get sick, his immune system must be immortal as he's brimming with energy once he gets up. His radiance is actually contagious as you feel much better in yourself too and his vibrant attitude really motivates you for the day despite being physically exhausted from beating the flu.

• "Your partner is going to be blessed if you bring them breakfast, I mean talk about amazing." You comment as he brings up a plate that he’d crafted in your kitchen, which is surprisingly decent. You suppose he must keep his body fit somehow.

"My crush will have to do for now."

"Wait I - ah, you have a crush on me?"

"Hah, didn't you know? I never tried to hide it or anything."

Kuroo Tetsurō:

• Notices your absence immediately, he's observant by nature but especially where his crush is concerned and he isn't afraid to contact you before class starts.

• "Hey (Y/n), it's Kuroo, are you running late today?"

"Hnn, I'm not gonna make it. I tried but I feel awful - Sickness: 1, (L/n): 0." Already by the grogginess in your voice he can tell you're under the weather and winces at the sound of you stifling a cough.

"Ah geez, go to bed would you? And drink plenty of water, I'll inform the teachers and everything."

"Thanks Tetsurō, I owe you one."

• Will message you at regular intervals throughout the day regarding your health with cute little reminders. You were on his mind frequently, he’s lowkey worried okay?

[ Tetsu: Drink water, and eat breakfast if you can. ]

[ (Y/n): Yeah yeah I have, go learn something. ]

[ Tetsu: Why are you replying? Shouldn't you be sleeping it off - I don't want your germs. ]

[ (Y/n): Sharing is caring. ]

[ Tetsu: Oya? It took a cold for you finally admit you care, so is it gonna take a pandemic to say you love me? 😏 ]

[ (Y/n): 🖕🏻]

• Is actually considerate enough to tell you he'll swing by after practice, and asks if you want anything from the shop so you give basics like water and tablets. Comes equipped with the extra notes he's taken from all of your shared classes and requested papers from teachers in those you don't, so you're not falling behind.

• Aside from the bare minimum you requested, he chucks your favourite snacks on your desk stating that it’s important to keep morale high too. Liar. He just wanted to do something nice for you.

• Checks your temperature despite your protests of not being a child, he only does this because it vexes you and Kuroo finds that cute. As a silent apology for teasing the Hell out of you, he’ll make you some tea and you both get lost in conversation.

• Notices you’re starting to doze off, rest you should’ve had instead of texting everyone - but ensuring everything is fine, he’s about to stealthily exit until your fingers grasp his wrist and tug him back slightly.

"Stay Tetsurō..."

"You'll likely regret that request once you wake up."

"S'ok, it's you."

• The strength you have when tugging him into bed with you catches him completely off guard and he’s actually blushing - doesn’t know what to say but knows he has to at least maintain some composure.

“So uh, never knew you wanted me this badly.”

“Ugh shut up dumbass, I can feel your rapid heartbeat from here.”

“Right...”

• Kuroo goes all shy, you’ve wrapped your arms around his waist and are comfortably leaning against his side and he absentmindedly runs his fingers soothingly up and down your arm to settle his own nerves.

• It’s peacefully silent, simply enjoying one another’s company before he hears your muffled sniffles indicating you’ve fallen asleep and a soft smile graces his lips. If you were his, then he’d definitely kiss your forehead, and lips to be honest, but the fact you aren’t leaves him with a disappointed sigh.

• You both end up taking a nap, waking up wrapped in each other’s arms and noses practically touching which startled the Captain - Kuroo literally falling off of your bed with a yelp much to your amusement. Afterwards, he departs suggesting you get more rest, get better soon and he’ll see you at school next week.

• At least that was the plan, which altered with the text exchange the following morning.

[ Kuroo: Sharing is not caring, I wanted your snacks not your sickness! ]

[ (Y/n): RIP us. 💀 ]

[ Tetsu: You owe me one remember? I've got the house to myself this weekend so would you like to suffer together? I have blankets, entertainment and food. ]

[ (Y/n): Beats sniffling alone, I'll bring the tissues and drugs. ]

• So, you went over with a trail of sneezing in your wake and ended up snuggled with Kuroo under a blanket with a variety of games gracing the TV as you skilfully passed around the tissues. Aside from being ill, spending time like this with him was perfect.

• "Sickness: 2, (L/n) and Kuroo: 0..."

"No, Kuroo: 1.”

"How so? You K.O. a sneeze or something?"

"I got to spend the day with you didn't I? That counts as a win in my book."

"Tch careful, anyone would think the Scheming Captain cares~"

"I do smartass, I care about you a lot (Y/n)..."

Miya Atsumu:

• Atsumu wasn't one to act needy in any way, the only excuse for him to contact you in regards to your absence was to do it with a remark and hope you'd elaborate.

[ Atsumu: Yo, are ya ditching me to survive English on my own? That's cold (Y/n) 😭 ]

[ (Y/n): Sorry 'Tsumu, I'm too busy dying to care rn. Have a fun missing me loser. ]

[ Atsumu: Hah you wish, you alright tho? ]

• You're good friends but he's never really expressed genuine concern about you before, not verbally anyway. You thought the final "K" after you'd told him you were gonna rest would be the end of it.

So you were beyond surprised when he rocked up to your house later that evening.

• It took everything you had not to mock him for his embarrassed stature, solely flustered by the fact you'd seen him so considerate. Admittedly you were also exhausted and probably couldn't think of a snarky reply anyway.

• "What's up? Was there homework or - ugh, or something?"

"Huh? Oh I dunno. But uh, I got 'Samu to make you some Okayu, and a Umeboshi Tea since it's good for colds and stuff."

• Totally pestered Osamu all day to help him make you something and had to do stupid favours in return but Atsumu will deny it if you ever ask.

• “I love how you don’t care what you look like when you have guests over.”

“Take your stupid backhanded compliments and shove them up your pretty litt-“ You bite back, flipping him off in the process while Atsumu remains proudly victorious.

“Nah ah, is that any way to speak to the man who brought you dinner?”

“It’s the way to speak to the man whose currently annoying me.”

“You’re welcome, this is revenge for ditching me in class gorgeous~”

• Despite how irritating he could be, Atsumu stuck around for a bit to make sure you ate everything he’d brought and taken the appropriate medication.

• “Oh yeah, I brought that movie you were talking about the other day. Figured it might pass the time a bit.”

“Thank you! I’ll give it back once I’m better - thank you so much ‘Tsumu.”

Your excitement was endearing, and he had to collect himself a bit since admiring such little quirks was out of the question - his crush was bad enough as it is.

“Wanna watch it now? I haven’t got anything to do so I can give you spoilers.”

“Sounds good - and not a word!”

• You spent the afternoon watching the film and playfully wrestling the blonde in order to shut him up whenever he made an attempt to spoil it - he would never, but provoking you was too funny.

• You settle down later on, putting on a mindless tv show for background noise before collapsing onto your bed with groan. Atsumu raising a smug brow at your exhausted state as he threw his jacket on.

• "Wanna sleep with me?" It was innocent, at least you didn’t think much of it then.

"Do I what now?" He was smirking, thankful that your panic left you oblivious to the blush crawling up his neck at the mere insinuation alone.

"Sleep wit- ohh I did not think that through! I meant sleep in my bed, next to me, to help me drift off. Maybe it's the sleepiness or medicine but I really want you Atsumu..."

"Not helping your case at all." Again he smugly responded, dropping his jacket to the floor with a sly smile.

"Stop smirking and just hug me okay? Then you can leave and tease me about this later."

• Atsumu isn't awkward about it, subduing his nerves enough to pull you into his arms as he sits up - dutifully ignoring the butterflies in his stomach due to your close proximity and the intoxicating smell of your hair.

• Atsumu becomes unintentionally soft, his fingers slowly begin to glide through your hair and he hesitates when he feels the hum of contentment you release before continuing. Your whole body just relaxes against his and he subconsciously does the same, not even realising he was this tense around you - was his body always like that in your general presence?

• As you start quietly talking about nothing and everything, he notices a weakness - you’re a lot more open when drowsy and god he wants to take advantage but knows you’ll remember the questions he asked and murder him for it when you’re able.

• Intead he attempts to protect any dignity he thinks he has left with you - jokes on him, it’s absolutely none. You guys are way past that level and he knows it.

“You better get healthy quick, not that I care but English is really borin’ on my own ya know?”

"The people you truly care about must be really lucky to have you 'Tsumu..." The mumble is enough to make him roll his eyes, but he waits until you’re asleep to reply.

"Yeah... you are..."

<——————————<<<<

[ Masterlist ]

[dear-wormwoods]

Eddie Kaspbrak and Faith

A stupidly long essay about religious guilt and acceptance for @eddiekasprzak.

Okay, so I’ll start by saying that I feel as though Eddie’s religious guilt is a fundamental part of his character and his growth arc, but it’s only explicitly referenced a few times - once in passing, once in depth, and once in a more spiritual way. Each of these moments is paired with something having to do with Richie, and I think that was intentional on Stephen King’s part, to include that sort of juxtaposition multiple times. So I’ll do my best to explain a part of Eddie’s character that I don’t think is talked about all too often.

I.

The first appearance of Eddie’s religious thoughts being juxtaposed with thoughts of, or interactions with, Richie happens in Ch. 7, pt. 1. This is the ‘cursing the faithful’ moment that original post was about. Eddie is on his way back to Derry and thinks of Richie (not for the first time), “He laughs seldom these days, and he certainly did not expect to find many chucks (Richie’s word, meaning chuckles, as in “You had any good chucks today, Eds?”) on this black pilgrimage. But, he supposes, if God is dirty-mean enough to curse the faithful with what they want most in life, He’s maybe quirky enough to deal you a good chuck or two along the way.” First of all, Eddie chooses his words very carefully, more than any other Loser, I think. Richie chooses his words carefully in order to conceal the truth in full, during his chapters, but Eddie’s word choice is used to carefully construct certain imagery. Eddie’s inner monologues are FULL of poetic imagery, often spiritual, and very descriptive - and the things he describes and the words he chooses to use are very significant. In this case, the words pilgrimage and curse stand out. Pilgrimages are journeys of spiritual significance, and that’s how he views this journey back to Derry - although it’s ‘black’ because the thing drawing him in is evil, it is nonetheless spiritual. Eddie is almost more willing than Bev to abandon his life to fulfill the 27-year promise, because he has spent his entire adulthood denying himself happiness, and living in an abuse cycle he thinks he deserves (more on that later), so to him, going back to Derry is spiritual because it’s his only hope of finding an answer to his misery - finding what he’s spent his adult life deprived of. In addition, his use of the word ‘curse’ implies that the thing EDDIE wants most in life is NOT something that he sees God approving of. He’s been cursed, by God, in spite of his faithfulness, with wanting something that goes against the religious beliefs he was raised to follow. So at the very least, he hopes God will allow him to take pleasure in laughter - something he hardly experiences in his adulthood, but something he associates heavily with Richie.

That this very quick glimpse into Eddie’s religious struggles is placed right next to a moment of him waxing poetic about Richie allowing him to assume an alternate identity away from his mother is… telling. “Man, he had hated it when Richie called him Eds . . . but he had sort of liked it, too... It was something . . . like a secret name. A secret identity. A way to be people that had nothing to do with their parents’ fears, hopes, constant demands.” Here we have both Eddie admitting to liking Richie’s pet name for him, as well as his appreciation for that “secret identity”. The way this is phrased seems to give Richie credit for allowing Eddie to be himself, but that it had to be secret, because Eddie’s true self had to be hidden from his mother and by extension God (because it was his mother who pushed religion on him so much - her chapter in Eddie’s Bad Break is riddled with her using God as justification for the way she treats Eddie). These two moments happening in the same couple of paragraphs establishes, early on in the book, something very major: that Eddie, at least subconsciously, sees his faith and Richie as almost opposing forces - he can’t be himself and still be faithful to God, but he CAN be himself around Richie.

II.

The most in depth explanation of Eddie’s religious conflict happens in Ch. 19 pt. 10, sandwiched in between the two chapters where he deals with Henry Bowers as an adult (which is significant placement because of the way Henry constantly calls Eddie a f*g during their fight). This chapter alone is like… one of my favorites, because it just says so much about Eddie as a character. In this scene, Eddie, Richie, and Stan are hanging out and start talking about religion, but the chapter starts off with probably one of the most blatant double entendres in the entire book. Eddie says “How about a lick on your Rocket?” to Richie, and this is already questionable on SK’s part because of how utterly phallic those rocket ice creams are, but then Richie responds with, “Your mom wouldn’t approve, Eddie.” Of course, the ‘reason’ he gives for saying that is germs, but the WAY SK wrote this exchange implies that there’s something deeper than germs at play here, especially since Sonia is a confirmed homophobe. Eddie says he’ll chance it, and Richie - instead of just giving Eddie the ice cream, holds it up to his mouth and watches him lick it. The placement of this memory is significant because their subsequent conversation about religion triggers a page and a half of Eddie extrapolating on why he thinks he’s going to Hell, basically.

So after Richie makes a comment about going to ‘the Hot Place’, Eddie thinks about a story a church lady named Mrs. Portleigh told his Sunday school class, about a little boy who put communion bread in the toilet and the water turned red with the Blood of Christ because he committed blasphemy and damned himself to Hell. This story really hits home with Eddie, and he starts dreading Communion and having panic attacks every time he has to do it at church. He becomes SO SURE that each time he picks up a piece of Communion bread, something horrible will happen or some disembodied voice will start chanting that he’s “Not worthy! Not worthy! Damned to Hell! Damned to Hell!”. This intense fear, despite never having done anything wrong in his LIFE, would send Eddie into a panic and he would need to use his inhaler after every act of Communion. He literally loses sleep over this intense fear that he will be labeled as ‘not worthy’ by God and sentenced to Hell, but he never once says what he thinks he did wrong. He simply thinks he is inherently wrong. He works himself up to the point where he eventually decides that he needs to just repeat what that boy did, to see what happens, because he’s already resigned himself to his fate of going to Hell so he has nothing to lose. Of course, he chickens out, but this whole story is SO SO important to Eddie’s character, because it showcases how deeply unclean Eddie feels. 

It’s not just about germs or getting sick, or about his mother calling him a bad son whenever he wants to do anything she doesn’t like. Eddie’s deepest fear is that the thing inside him that makes him inherently bad and inherently unclean and sick will come to the surface, that he’ll be found out and labeled as bad, as blasphemous, and everyone will know how rotten he is. This is shown also in his interactions with the hobo and IT’s leper - he specifically fears catching a disease that will physically manifest what he thinks is happening to him anyway - that he’s rotting from the inside-out. Eddie thinks there is something so deeply wrong with him that he doesn’t actually NEED to do anything in order to be damned to hell or deemed not worthy of Communion. He never explicitly says what this thing is - it’s clear that due to his sheltered upbringing, he doesn’t consciously know what it is yet. All he knows is that he’s bad. And what’s more, being too afraid to follow through on the toilet ‘experiment’ sets up a really prominent trend in his adulthood - being too afraid to want anything, to discover anything about himself, or pursue ANY kind of desire, for fear of what will happen, and because he feels he doesn’t deserve it. 

III.

THEN!! THEN!!!! As if it isn’t enough that Stephen King chose to juxtapose this long explanation of Eddie’s deep religiously based guilt with a lighthearted but subtext-laden exchange with Richie, he ALSO includes a very interesting parallel that Eddie makes. After thinking a lot about his fear of the toilet water turning red if he tries to replicate the other boy’s experiment, “He began to think about the thing they had seen on Neibolt Street, and for the first time he saw a crazy parallel—the Werewolf had, after all, come out of the toilet.” This is where Richie comes into play again, but only if you really analyze the shit out of the werewolf symbolism. The werewolf is IT’s most frequent manifestation for Richie, that and the eyeball, and people besides myself have done some great analysis on what the werewolf means for Richie. Basically, Eddie, although he doesn’t know it, is drawing a parallel between his fear of damnation and Richie’s fear of being a monster, and not JUST drawing a parallel, but connecting the two things together almost like one would result from the other.

Richie’s werewolf is a representation of his fear of being ostracized by his peers for something he can’t help, something that makes him a monster. Subconsciously, he relates to the teen werewolf, and IT recognizes this, which is why Richie’s NAME is stitched into the werewolf’s jacket. Richie is the only Loser that IT does this to - using his name to label some of the monsters it creates for him. Because unlike Eddie, who thinks he is diseased and being consumed by some evil that he has contracted somehow, Richie thinks he IS the evil. So the werewolf represents Richie, and Eddie draws the connection that the werewolf came out of the toilet at Neibolt street. The toilet represents his fear of being damned for something that is inherently wrong with him, and the werewolf coming forth from the toilet represents Richie being a cause of - or maybe perhaps a result of - the thing that Eddie fears is wrong with him. I know this seems like reaching, but there’s a reason Stephen King literally fed the reader this parallel. Eddie doesn’t explain WHY it’s a parallel, just that it IS one - the reason why is left up to the reader to decide.

As a side note - this chapter ends with another telling exchange between Richie, Eddie, and this time including Bill. Richie doesn’t want Eddie to go into the sewers with the rest of them because of his arm (imagine omg - they would have ALL died without Eddie let’s be real here), and Bill firmly says that he’ll have Eddie stick with him and keep an eye on him. Two interesting things follow this - first, Eddie blatantly thinks that Bill’s face is “lovely and well-loved” and thinks, “I’d die for him, I guess, if he told me to. What kind of power is that?” Because, in his sheltered naivety, he doesn’t realize that the power IS love. And while Eddie is inwardly expressing his devotion to Bill’s lovely face, Richie responds to Bill’s vow to protect Eddie by… making fun of him. This is rare for Richie, who typically also idolizes Bill - something about disagreeing over what’s best for Eddie set him off.

Right after this, we switch back to the present day and Henry storms into Eddie’s hotel room to kill him, repeatedly calling him a f*g. Again, I don’t think it’s accidental that Stephen King would write in a subtextual double entendre between Richie and Eddie, a long description of Eddie’s seemingly inexplicable religious guilt, a parallel between this and Richie’s werewolf, another arguably subtext-filled moment, and Henry Bowers explicitly accusing Eddie OF being gay as an adult while trying to actually murder him. Especially since, in the beginning of the novel, the bully who is meant to parallel Henry Bowers spearheads the assault on Adrian Mellon, who is meant to parallel Eddie in at least five different ways. I really think that the conclusion the reader is meant to come to from that part of the overall chapter is that Eddie’s guilt comes from his sexuality, and that Richie (and Bill, though only really on the surface) is connected to that.

IV.

The final, and perhaps most important, moment in which Eddie’s faith and his interactions with Richie are heavily connected, is in his death scene. I know everyone always talks about the “But there was something else he had to say first” and “Eddie closed his eyes, thinking how to finish”, but there’s so much more to this scene, and all of the inner monologuing leading up to those lines is SO IMPORTANT.

So, first off, I need to reiterate that Eddie’s word choice matters, especially as an adult. As a child, he’s so naive and sheltered that his inner monologues are pretty simplistic (though very telling in their own way) and more like a stream of consciousness. But as an adult, everything Eddie thinks has a purpose, right up until - perhaps especially during - his dying moment. Eddie’s death is extremely spiritual, though it does not directly reference his religious upbringing. The imagery he uses to describe how he feels as he’s dying references light and cleansing, despite being in a dark and dirty place. Fuck, even the manner of his death has religious symbolism to it. Because Eddie is a martyr, in the end - he dies for people he loves, for the friends he only just reconnected with, and for the greater good. It’s a selfless sacrifice, and even the image of Beverly cradling his body in her arms brings to mind Michelangelo’s Pieta, of Mary holding the body of Jesus after his crucifixion. The whole thing is just… well, there’s a reason Eddie’s chapters tend to have more spiritual overtones, in spite of his deep guilt and shame over it.

But as far as the text goes, this is the moment when Eddie finally accepts himself. It’s not the moment when he realizes he’s in love with Richie (personally I think he subconsciously knew it all along), but it IS the moment in which he realizes it’s OKAY to love Richie. This is also the moment when he lets go of his mother once and for all (just before sacrificing himself), as she was deeply connected to and largely responsible for his guilt and shame. When he first realizes he’s dying, as Richie stumbles toward him, he thinks, “He could feel everything running out of him along with his life’s blood . . . all the rage, all the pain, all the fear, all the confusion and hurt.” I think it’s easy to write off rage, pain, and fear as just the result of being in the presence of IT, of fighting IT, and of having his arm bitten off. Like… of course he’s afraid, of course he’s angry, of course he’s in pain. But the confusion and hurt, that’s where it becomes about something bigger. He uses pain and hurt, normally interchangeable, in the same sentence, which gives the word ‘hurt’ a more emotional feel. Along with the other negative feelings leaving his body, so goes his confusion about himself, and so goes the deep hurt he’s been harboring for his entire life over the damage his mother did to him. 

“God, he felt so lucid, so clear, like a window-pane which has been washed clean and now lets in all the gloriously frightening light… the light, oh God, that perfect rational light.” Eddie’s last moments are experienced with perfect clarity - for the first time in his life, he’s seeing and feeling his own light. He’s not being washed clean of sin, per se - I don’t think that’s it at all. He’s being washed clean of everything that made him feel dirty - of his mother, of Myra, of his own denial. He has spent his adulthood depriving himself of happiness because he felt too unclean to have it, because his happiness would have conflicted with his religious background, and because he simply didn’t think it was deserved. He resigned himself to a lifetime of misery because he was too afraid to find out what would happen to him if he broke away from that, and only as he’s dying does he realize that breaking away from that misery is exactly what would have let him feel light and clean all this time. Like his inability to perform the Communion bread in the toilet ‘experiment’ out of fear of damnation, Eddie was unable to pursue ANY of his desires for his entire life due to that same fear. Because in his mind, being himself was ungodly, and there was no one in his life to combat this mentality... the only person who gave him permission to be himself - gave him his secret identity - disappeared from his life way too early, and for far too long.

Eddie spent his whole life thinking there was something festering inside him that made him sick, and dirty, and bad, but he realizes, too late, and as he’s looking at Richie, that he was never dirty at all. “Then he looked at Richie and licked his lips. Fading, fading back. Becoming clearer and clearer, emptying out, all of the impurities flowing out of him.” In these last moments, Eddie lets every negative influence in his life leave him, so the only things left are Richie’s face and his newfound clarity. The ‘sickness’ he’d been trying to cure with a medicine cabinet full of sedatives and a wife who was just like his mother, is no sickness at all, and it isn’t Eddie that’s impure, it’s everything else in his life. Those are the impurities that are flowing out of him - his mother’s influence, his denial, his misery. He’s left clear headed, clean, and most importantly, himself, and he realizes, for the first time since the summer of 1958, that being himself isn’t a bad thing. “... and if he had had time enough he could have preached on this, he could have sermonized: Not bad, he would begin. This is not bad at all.” In the most direct reference to actual religious practice, as opposed to spiritual metaphors, Eddie thinks that if he had the chance, he would want to preach about this newfound clarity he has - he wants to tell people that he’s really okay, that being himself is not bad, that being like him isn’t bad. And that’s when he decides he needs to say something to Richie. Whether or not it was going to be a love confession is subjective and irrelevant (though I personally think it was) - the fact of the matter is that it was Richie’s presence that gave him clarity - both as a kid and an adult - and looking into Richie’s face in his last moments is what allowed him to let go of everything that was holding him back and finally find peace with himself.

It isn’t an accident that Stephen King painted Eddie’s death with references to spirituality and faith, and it isn’t an accident that Richie is the one he’s connecting to in those moments, because it was a small but significant theme in the novel. At first, Eddie saw engaging with Richie’s ‘chucks’ and his secret identities as going against what was morally okay, and he thought deeply about his fear of hell because of something Richie said, but in the end it’s also Richie who is present for the moment when Eddie reconciles his faith with his sense of self. 

I know I’m almost certainly overanalyzing it and I’m PROBABLY giving King way too much credit by saying that all of this was intentional, but I just can’t fathom that this part of Eddie’s character and its proximity to Richie is just there for no reason.

(As an aside, this is why I really like Sufjan Stevens and Iron & Wine for Eddie bands, because they use a lot of religious imagery the way he does when he thinks. Especially The Trapeze Swinger, which I could also write a separate essay about in terms of how it relates to Eddie. I just think about his deal with religion A LOT.)

[ted-hyung]

untitled; jookyun; ongoing

alternate universe / college!AU / future pr0n / jooheon is fascinated by left-handed changkyun who only comes to korea for his gap year. fully written fic will be posted on le AO3. soon. plz anticipate.

(the new part-timer is a lefty.

jooheon can’t quite recall having a classmate who’s a fully functioning lefty; there were friends who did everything else but writing with their left hand, and so changkyun is new because he does. writing with his left hand, that is. it’s fascinating, especially at the end of the day when changkyun takes a little bit longer than thirty seconds to wash his hands. the germs are all dead but not the smudged black or blue ink that needs extra scrubbing to disappear. changkyun uses milk scented hand cream, and he smells—looks—extra soft after that.

“heonie-sshi, you’re staring again.”

jooheon snaps out of his reverie to narrow his eyes at minhyuk, the most popular part-timer at monbebe cafe, who’s got the patented shit-eating grin on his annoyingly handsome face whenever he catches jooheon being obvious.

on multiple occasions.

“what?” jooheon retorts, folding the rag he’s using to wipe the register’s counter top.

minhyuk tuts from where he’s cleaning the espresso machine.

“we’re going out for a drink tonight,” he sing-songs.

“yeah? we do that on the night we get our paycheck.”

“well, it’ll be changkyun’s first time going out with us.”

“okay, and…?”

“i’m just saying~”

jooheon shakes his head. minhyuk thinks he knows everything about everyone but he doesn’t, really.)

“newbie, you’re coming with us!” minhyuk yells, startling changkyun who’s in the middle of closing his locker.

“oh?” changkyun’s smile still has an edge of timidness in it. he’s only been here a month. when jooheon got invited the first time, he was already added to the part-timer’s group chat and got exposed to each and everyone’s embarrassing dark past by minhyuk. changkyun is not even in their group chat yet. “where to, minhyuk-hyung?”

“because it’s payday, i’ll treat you one bottle of soju and one serving of pig’s feet!” minhyuk’s voice is enough to wake the dead even though there are only five of them in the staff room. he’s truly a loud hyung who deceives all the poor young girls and older women to think that he’s the perfect manhwa character.

since they just got out of a long friday shift, they opt to go to the street food vendor instead of a club tonight. they all agreed to relax with the best of korean comfort food, getting lucky be damned.

changkyun scrunches his nose at the mention of minhyuk’s preferred menu. 

“can i have sprite and sausage instead?” he asks, tilting his head, looking cute. (jooheon is not staring.)

“anything you want!” minhyuk whoops, and they all proceed to continue changing.

summer is scorching hot in seoul. out in the open without air conditioning, the breeze is not helping with how humid the weather is. the short walk is filled with chattering from minhyuk and jackson, a hong kong exchange student who studied in the same university as jooheon. youngjae is busy with his phone, most likely texting the girl who gave him her number a couple of weeks ago—and jooheon and changkyun are walking side by side at the end of their merry line.

changkyun is wearing an oversized long sleeve, the tips of his fingers hidden by the pipes. even though the black cotton shorts seem fitting for the weather, jooheon can still see sweats dripping from changkyun’s sideburns down and down to his jaw and neck. it must be uncomfortable.

jooheon blurts out, “do you want tissue?” and that makes changkyun blinks. cutely.

“what, hyung?” changkyun asks, sounding unsure.

jooheon is not sure himself. “do you want tissue? like, you’re sweating.”

changkyun tilts his head again; probably a habit of his. it’s cute. why did jooheon just notice it now?

“sure, if you have some.”

“actually, i don’t. sorry.”

changkyun snorts a laugh and he covers his mouth with his sleeve paw, the left one. ah. the reason why jooheon is so fascinated in the first place is making another appearance. if it were any other person jooheon wouldn’t be as aware towards their dominant hand, whichever it is. but it’s changkyun. and he’s cute.

anyway.

“you’re weird, jooheon-hyung.” changkyun quips, quietly, but with a little bit more confidence because at least that’s the truth.

jooheon grins. “says who smartly wears long sleeve in summer!”

changkyun rolls his eyes, cutely, there’s no other word to explain his demeanor, and jooheon has to hold back or else he’s thisclose to ruffle changkyun’s black hair just because.

they arrive at their trustworthy street food vendor’s tent. the middle aged couple who run the business are practically in love with minhyuk, sometimes letting minhyuk have two (!) free bottles of whatever drink minhyuk feels like having.

“i’ll order for you guys, what do you want?” minhyuk addresses jooheon, who takes a seat on the blue chair with changkyun on his right and jackson on his left.

“spicy rice cake with extra hard boiled eggs, and one bottle of soju. thanks hyung, you’re paying, right?” jooheon answers, clasping his hands and putting them underneath his chin.

“ha, very funny,” minhyuk flicks jooheon’s forehead and smiles sweetly to changkyun. “sprite and sausage for you, newbie?”

changkyun confirms with a cute nod and minhyuk replies with his own satisfied nod. he asks jackson,

“jackson-ah, do you want to share the pig’s feet with me or should i order another serving?”

jackson makes a comical in disbelief face and he shrieks, “dude, come on! pig’s feet are life. make mine two. you want some, right, youngjae-yah?”

youngjae looks up from his phone, beaming. it’s no secret that jackson favors youngjae the most, and the younger guy sure knows about it. “wow, yeah! i’ll eat some. minhyuk-hyung, i would like vegetable pancakes and sausage.”

minhyuk is not hailed as the best waiter at monbebe cafe if it’s not for his excellent memory. “and for the drinks?”

“makgeolli.” youngjae mumbles, already glued back to his phone.

“corona for me,” jackson pipes in, “you know what i’ll go with you, hyung.”

“i-i’ll go,” changkyun offers, but minhyuk absentmindedly tells him to sit on jooheon’s lap instead. “what did he say?” changkyun asks, turning to jooheon with widened eyes, and jooheon fakes a helpless laugh.

“minhyuk-hyung thinks you two are awkward and wants you to sit on heonie-hyung’s lap.” youngjae does the explanation like it’s not the first time he’s heard minhyuk speaking nonsense about jooheon and changkyun in particular. he glances up to meet jooheon’s narrowed eyes. “why are you looking at me like that? it’s true.”

jooheon splutters, “are you not awkward with changkyun, then?”

“no? we’re the same age.”

“i’ll sit on your lap, jooheon-hyung.”

jooheon squeals, and changkyun closes his eyes as if he’s offended. but in a cute way, still.

“we don’t have to fulfil that sick hyung’s fetish!” jooheon argues, throwing his hands and nearly smacks changkyun in the face. “sorry.”

“it’s okay.” changkyun smiles, looking like he’s going to coo at jooheon any second now. “let’s just humor minhyuk-hyung a little? i’ll sit on your lap until it’s too much. come on. let’s prove him wrong.”

jooheon's been a part of monbebe cafe for six months, thinking that he would need the experience in between going to his classes as english literature major and/or performing his self-written rap at hongdae with his crew. he found great friends outside of his campus circle or his rap crew, and working where the predominantly customers are young girls and women helps him with his confidence. they find him adorable, with his dimples being the main attraction. the black polo shirt uniform ompliments well with his skin and newly dyed honey-blonde hair.

his campus friends asked where does he work because he smells so so good all the time, and jooheon told them to come over, meaning his friends coming increasing the sales. that month, jooheon managed to beat minhyuk as the employee who brought the biggest profit, and it felt good to contribute something for his job.

to be honest, jooheon only drinks tooth-rotting frappe and the place blends the best oreo cheesecake frappe. the mouthwatering selection of pretty cakes is also a bonus, because jooheon once wrote a rap based on monbebe’s most divine dark chocolate pie.

in short, jooheon is totally into sweet treats.

changkyun might slowly be slotting himself next to one of those sweet treats, becoming jooheon’s favorite.

“alright.” he gives up, scooting the plastic chair to give room for changkyun. he spreads his thighs, clad in frayed blue jeans, and changkyun hops onto his lap like he doesn’t weight a lot.

jooheon grunts, just for the hell of it. changkyun has nice, perky ass, not bony at all. and he actually leans backward to rest his upper body against jooheon’s, swinging his legs and guiding jooheon’s arms to wrap around his middle.

there's a click of a shutter, followed by youngjae’s maniacal laugh.

“yah!” jooheon barks, but youngjae is just giving him a thumbs up.

“think about it, heonie-hyung, you won. minhyuk-hyung is lost,” he cheers. “i’m sending this to our group chat.”

“ugh,” jooheon pouts, “whatever.”

“i’m not heavy, right?” changkyun wriggles to look at jooheon, and his smile is so pretty thisclose.

“nah, you’re alright.” jooheon squeezes changkyun’s tummy and that’s when minhyuk decides to yell like he owns the place with his hands full with steaming hot plates.

“yaaah!!” he’s making a scene as other patrons curiously look their way. “yaah, who would have thought?!” he slams the plates on the table, an ugly smile adorning his face. “yaaaaah, lee jooheon, i’m proud of you!”

“i don’t know what you’re talking about,” jooheon scoffs, mostly because he’s feeling his cheeks reddening. “tone it down, hyung. like you never see youngjae sitting on jackson’s lap before.”

“i heard my name!” jackson says in his accent, just as loud, and then he laughs when he realizes what’s happening. “no wonder my kakaotalk has been singing with notifications!” he puts down everyone’s drinks and raises his own corona, intending to make a toast.

“jackson-ge, wait! i have to film this!” youngjae grabs his makgeolli and his phone is poised readily. minhyuk does the same with his own soju, and changkyun raises his sprite. with youngjae’s cue, jackson acts like he’s speaking in front of the president with how ridiculously formal and serious he is.

he says to the camera, “everyone, monbebe ladies and gentlemen, we’re here to commemorate the bravery that lee jooheonie has finally brought to light. tonight, he’s finally made his move for a beautiful friendship with the ever so enigmatic im changkyun. can i get a wooozaah?”

“wooozaah!” minhyuk and youngjae reply with so much vigor and jooheon fakes his smiling when the camera is pointed at him. changkyun is giggling.

“amen. jooheonie, any comment?” jackson asks. when jooheon gives him a mehrong, he turns to changkyun. “changkyun-sshi, how do you feel about this?”

“squishy,” changkyun says matter-of-factly, adding a touch of dark comedy to youngjae’s show. “heonie-sshi is very solid, yet squishy. so comfy.”

“exquisite!” jackson sighs as if he’s swooned by changkyun’s confession. “exquisite.”

youngjae is wheezing when he presses the stop button, and soon enough the forty seconds video is uploaded to their group chat. changkyun stands up then, apologizing for his weight, and obediently pouring everyone’s drink. they have another toast for a good whole month, and then the conversation shifts to the newest idol survival program on MNET.

“who’s your one pick?” minhyuk asks in between mouthful. he’s the one who’s keeping up with what’s happening in the celebrity realm. he’s an active instagram user, posting aesthetic pictures of himself, his outfits, his friends, and where he works. his followers reach 100,000 in number, three times of monbebe cafe’s followers count.

“i don’t really watch it but i like the song,” jackson says, putting a hand on his chest and making a fist with the other. he sings, “like, ’na ya na, na ya na’.” “somi never stops talking about it. she’s rooting for some church oppa who looks like jinyoung-hyung, and that na ya na center.” the second youngjae finishes his sentence, the whole table is going wild at the mention of the girl he’s been texting. “whaaat? don’t change the topic!”

“of course we have to change the topic!” minhyuk shoves youngjae’s shoulders, hard, until youngjae squeaks and needs changkyun’s helping hand. “tell us more about her! she was so pretty, if i remember correctly? but like, so tall. her eyes were so big!”

“that’s because he’s mixed, minhyuk-hyung,” youngjae grumbles, “her dad’s like, from netherlands. or canada. anyway, there’s this trainee who looks like jinyoung-hyung.”

“yah, save that information when you meet with jinyoung!” jackson grins. jinyoung is their mutual friend who frequents monbebe cafe to read books. “now, somi. how old is she? she doesn’t look like a noona.”

youngjae visibly reddens. he needs a moment to answer and when he does it’s mumbled so low jooheon is not sure he hears him right.

“she’s a freshman.”

“oh, nice! same age?” jackson interrupts, and youngjae gulps.

“…of high school.”

jackson is always the comical one in their group alongside with minhyuk. but right now he seems dead serious as he’s got a finger pointed at youngjae, stressing that youngjae, with absolutely no excuse, should never, never ever touch somi anywhere.

youngjae pouts, probably offended that jackson needs to warn him about the ground rules of dating. “hyung! you know me! i tripped on air when we went on a date last week!”

“you went on a date with her without a chaperone??” with how much force jackson puts in his voice the veins on his neck is popping green, jooheon is torn whether he should laugh like minhyuk does or pretends that the situation is not terrifyingly absurd as it is like changkyun tries to do by stuffing himself with sausage.

“i’m sorry! and she laughed at me, okay!? don’t make it harder for me please!” youngjae whines, lips jutting out and trembling. “minhyuk-hyung, stop jackson-hyung from his baseless accusation!”

minhyuk’s simple jackson wang, don’t stop only stirs up some more loud shenanigans and they finally stop when youngjae threatens to cry right there and then.

jooheon finds changkyun wiping tears off his eyes using the long sleeve of his shirt.

“too much?” he asks, grinning. 

“no, no. you guys are great,” changkyun answers. he licks his lips. “it’s… it’s so pure. back in boston, the teasing wasn’t like this.”

jooheon’s hand hovers on top of his spicy rice cakes. “oh. you’re not from seoul?”

“no, hyung. haven’t i told you?” changkyun frowns. he sips his sprite from a straw, and has a cute aha moment. “riiight, i only told minhyuk and jackson-hyung. i’m taking a gap year after graduating high school. my mom told me to get familiar with our homeland so here i am.”

“how long have you been in korea?” jooheon is overwhelmed by the most important fact about the one guy he’s been fascinated by ever since he saw him writing in a notepad with his left hand, exactly a month ago.

“a little bit over three months,” changkyun blinks as everyone’s eyes are suddenly on him. he continues in a louder voice, “i had to teach myself to get used to speaking korean, binge watching dramas and all. then i went on a trip around jeju, nami, and busan.”

minhyuk pipes in, smiling like a normal, handsome person for once, “then he came to monbebe.”

changkyun nods. “then i came to monbebe. i still struggle with reading and writing hangul, like, if you notice, the boss never trained me to take over the register. i’m almost always doing the cleaning or making drinks ha ha ha.”

it’s… so hard to digest. all this time, jooheon had assumed that changkyun is just another seoulite who’s in the need of the experience; just another college student needing the extra money for skincare or the newest stüssy jacket. but no. changkyun is from boston, united states of america. changkyun probably can’t help a lost tourist who needs to go to namsan tower. changkyun’s home is not in korea.

oh fuck.

“so you’re going back to boston?” jooheon doesn’t know why he asks the question, because it’s not like it means anything at all. “when?”

“dude, relax. don’t kick him out of beautiful seoul just yet?” jackson tuts, sending a wink at changkyun whose boyish smile isn’t enough to set jooheon’s thumpthumpthumping heart at ease.

“umm, later? yeah. but i want to know what christmas is like in seoul,” changkyun says, “like jackson-ge said, seoul is beautiful.”

[imaginebeauty]

Second Chances // Part 7

Series Masterlist

Words: 2654 Pairings: Bellamy x Reader; Finn x Clarke; Finn x Raven; Octavia x Lincoln; OC Grounder x Reader Warnings: Violence, minor torturing. Episode: 1x06 His Sister’s Keeper + 1x07 Contents Under Pressure

       “Y/N!” Clarke yelled, entering your tent. It wasn’t even the morning after the rockets, and you were already being woken up again. “Y/N!” She called again.

        You groaned, rolling over in your makeshift bed. 

        “Have you seen Octavia?” Clarke asked.

        “No, why? Is she missing?” You asked, sitting up to look at the blonde.

        “Yeah, Bellamy can’t find her. He’s really worried.” Clarke answered.

        “A worried Bellamy isn’t a good Bellamy.” You joked. “I’ll help.” With that, Clarke left, and you got dressed.

        You walked out of the tent to find Bellamy ordering people around, like usual. 

        “Hey, everybody, gather around and grab a weapon. My sister’s been out there alone for 12 hours. Arm up. We’re not coming back without her.” He stated.

        “I’ll come!” You said, strolling up to him.

        “No, you are staying here.” He told you sternly. “I don’t want to risk losing you too.” He thought as he watched your face change into one of frustration.

        “What? In case you forgot, I’m Octavia’s friend too.” You stated.

        “Which is why I need you here with Clarke. If she is hurt, I need you two to be ready. Clarke is in charge, you help her here.” He demanded. 

        “But-“

        “No buts, Y/N. It’s final.” With that, you gave up. “Finn. Get out here.” Bellamy demanded. “We’re leaving.”

        Not a moment later, Finn exited his tent, Raven close behind him. You saw him exchange a few words with Clarke, though her expression was cold and unmoving.

        You were about to ask her about it, you were interrupted.

        “Guys, guys. Come here!” A delinquent called, followed by a “What is that? So bright.” and a “Did you see that? Look up there. It’s so beautiful,” drawing everybody’s eyes to the sky.

        You looked up to see shooting stars from the sky, and for a moment it was beautiful. That was before reality set it. “It didn’t work. They didn’t see the flares.” You breathed. 

        “You can tell that from a meteor shower?” Bellamy asked, clearing not understanding the situation.

        “It’s not a meteor shower, it’s a funeral. Hundreds of bodies being returned to the earth from the ark. This is what it looks like from the other side.” You answered defeatedly.

        “They didn’t get our message,” Clarke added.

        Raven’s face went from disbelief to pure anger, as if she was about to murder someone in cold blood. “This is all because of you!” Raven yelled, marching towards Bellamy. 

        “I helped you find the radio,” Bellamy said, trying to defend himself but to no avail.

        “Yeah, after you jacked it from my pod and trashed it!” Raven shouted, anger flowing through her veins.

        “Yeah, he knows. Now he has to live with it.” You said, moving in between Raven and Bellamy. 

        Bellamy is by far the most problematic person you ever met, but that didn’t keep you from caring about him. He made a lot of mistakes, and you didn’t doubt he would make more, but you couldn’t let Raven keep yelling at him. Bellamy was more sensitive than people make him out to be, and if she kept pointing his bad decisions out, he would doubt himself. Nobody needs a hesitant leader.

        “All I know is that my sister is out there and I’m gonna find her,” Bellamy stated, brushing off Raven’s angry glare. “You coming or what?” He asked, turning to Finn.

        “Yeah,” Finn responded with a nod. 

        As everyone was heading out, you softly grabbed Bellamy’s arm, just enough for him to turn around and look at you. Your gentle touch sent shivers down his spine and made his heart race as your hand lingered against his skin. You pulled your arm away, completely oblivious to Bellamy’s conflicting feelings.

        “Be careful, Bell.” You said.

        “I will.” He answered, before turning away and leaving the camp with his followers.

        “Jessie!” You called as the boy entered the dark cave. 

        Upon hearing your voice, he took off his mask to reveal a soft smile. Yours wrapped your arms around his neck as he did the same to your waist, picking you up and twirling you. “I missed you.” He stated simply, before kissing your lips gently.

        “Missed you too.” You said as you pulled away. “I have a question.” 

        “What is it?” He asked, confused.

        “Has any of your grounder friends taken a really pretty girl who has long dark hair, greenish-blue eyes, and is average height?” You asked.

         Jessie just looked more confused. “No? I don’t think so. Why?” He asked.

        “She is my best friend’s sister and she is currently missing. No offense, but I wouldn’t put it passed your people to take her.” You said seriously.

        “I don’t think any of my people have her. If one of them does, they have kept her hidden, which means they probably don’t want her getting hurt.” He said, cupping your cheek with his hand gently.

        “Alright.” You said as you softly leaned into his touch. With that, he leaned in once more to connect his soft lips to yours and you instantly responded. 

        He broke away with a sweet smile. “You’re beautiful.” He said, making you giggle.

        “I know I am.” You joked, making him laugh. You loved his laugh, it was like music to your ears. “Anyways, I have to go. I told Bell I’d stay and be ready in case he brought his sister back hurt.” You stated.

        “Aw. Ok then. I’ll see you soon.” He said, kissing your lips quickly. 

        “See you soon.” You said, before turning and walking towards the entrance to the cave, leaving Jessie in his spot. 

        “I love you,” Jessie said, making you stop and turn to face him. Your face lit up with a smile, your cheeks painted red. 

        “I love you too.” You had the biggest smile on your face as you left the cave. You couldn’t believe that just happened. When you said it, it just felt right. Saying those three words felt like home.

        You walked back into camp, trying to force yourself not to smile like an idiot. 

        Not even a moment late, Jasper stormed into camp. “Clarke! Where’s Clarke? Get Clarke now.” He said, closely followed by Bellamy, who was carrying in a struggling Finn. 

        “Hey. I’m here. What’s up?” Clarke asked, though when her eyes landed on Finn, a look of realization and fear crept onto her face. 

        “Finn. Oh, my gosh..” You gasped.

        “Oh, my god.” You heard Raven say, running up to them.

        “He’s alive,” Clarke stated, sending a rush of brief relief in everybody. 

        “Bellamy wouldn’t let me take the knife out,” Jasper said.

        “No, that was a good call. Get him in the dropship now. Go!” Clarke demanded, sending everyone on their way. 

        You rushed to the dropship with Clarke to help set everything up, to clear a table to put him on and get the limited amount of medical tools in order for her. 

        “Clarke, can you save him?” You heard Raven ask, as she followed Clarke into the dropship.

        “No. Not me. I need my mother. I need to talk to her.” Clarke answered worry etched into her features. 

        “There’s still no radio,” Raven stated.

        “Then fix it! Go!” You demanded, though it came out harsher than you meant it to, you knew the seriousness of the situation and there was no room for nice.

        The sky was a dark gray as rain fell heavily. Everyone was holed up in the dropship and you could hear delinquents shouting orders as they help up some sort of tarp to separate them from the harsh weather. 

        You sat next to Raven as she worked, acting as her silent support. “This is Raven Reyes. Calling Ark Station. Come in Ark Station. This is Raven Reyes. Calling Ark Station. Please come in. Please, please. Can anybody hear me?” She begged, her voice coated with desperation. 

        “Are you sure you have the right frequency?” You asked.

        “Yeah, I’m sure.” She answered forcefully.

        “Raven? You can do this. Okay?” Clarke said, before walking over to check on Finn as Raven gave a brief nod.

        “Calling Ark station. Ark station. Please come in. I’m on the ground with the hundred. We need you.” Raven tried again.

        When the Ark responded everyone rejoiced, though the moment was briefly lived. You quickly handed Clarke some of the Moonshine,

        “Ugh. Monty’s Moonshine?” She asked.

        “Pretty sure no germ could survive it,” Octavia commented.

        You looked towards the door as the thunder roared, shaking the dropship. “Storm’s getting worse. Monroe, close the doors.” You demanded softly.

        “But we still have people out there,” Monroe stated.

        “Monty and Jasper still aren’t back yet. Neither is Bellamy.” Octavia added.

        “It’s okay, they’ll find somewhere to ride it out,” Clarke said, supporting your decision to close the door. You nodded your thanks and she quickly nodded back, before turning her attention back to Finn.

        “One stitching needle,” Raven said, handing Clarke the needle.

        “Great, I still need something to close the wound,” Clarke said.

        “There some wire on the second level. I used it for the tents.” Octavia stated.

        “Let’s see it.” You said, standing beside the table, ready to help out Clarke in any way possible.

        “Stay away from the blue that runs through the ceiling. I rigged it to the solar cells in the roof. That means they’re hot! You got that!” Raven called after Octavia as she disappeared into the second level of the ship.

        “Hey! They’re back!” You heard a female voice say.

        As if on cue, Bellamy walked in as soon as Octavia returned from the second level. Not even a second later, you saw two boys carrying an unconscious man behind them.

        “ ‘The hell are you doing?” Octavia asked in disbelief. 

        “It's time to get some answers,” Bellamy stated.

        “Oh, you mean ‘revenge?” Octavia asked sarcastically. 

        “I mean ‘intel’.” He said. “Get him upstairs.”

                                    Apparently, you missed a lot.

         “Whoa, slow down. Who is that?” You asked, seeing as he looked older and had tattoos you figured he most defiantly wasn’t one of the hundred. 

        “He is a grounder. He is dangerous.”  Bellamy answered coldly.

        “He saved my life,” Octavia stated.

        A grounder. He captured a grounder. If he really did save Octavia, then Jessie was right. He didn’t want to hurt her. This proves that not all grounders want to kill us, that Jessie wasn’t just some exception. 

        Everyone’s attention turned to the radio when Abby Griffin started speaking. “Clarke, okay we’re ready. Can you hear me?” She said through the radio.

        “Bell. Look, this isn’t who we are.” You said, confused, but still upset at how he was treating the grounder who apparently saved Octavia’s life. 

        “It is now.” He stated before he turned and walked away, leaving you staring at his retreating form in worry. 

        As Clarke was fixing Finn, other delinquents were murmuring. As their whispers got louder, Abby could barely be heard from over the radio. 

        “Damn it! Clear the room.” Clarke demanded, fed up with the loud teenagers.

        You nodded. “Everyone! Upstairs! Now! Let’s go!” You demanded. They all instantly complied and you followed closely behind, leaving Clarke and Raven to do their thing.

        You sat upstairs with Bellamy and the grounder. You hated how he treated the grounder. You couldn’t help but think that this could have been Jessie, and that thought terrified you.

        You were about to speak when Clarke came busting through. “Get the hell out of my way.” She demands. 

        “It’s ok. Let her through.” Bellamy said as Miller stepped to the side.

        “Well if he didn’t hate us before, he does now,” Clarke said.

        “Who cares?” Bellamy snarked.

        “How’s Finn?” You asked, ignoring Bellamy’s stupid question.

        “Alive. His people will care! How long until they found him? And what happens when they do, I mean when they come looking for him. They will, Bellamy.” Clarke answered sternly.

        The conversation was cut short when you heard Raven screaming for Clarke. “Clarke! He’s seizing!” She called. 

        Without a moment’s hesitation, Clarke disappeared back down the later. You looked to the chained up grounder, meeting his dark eyes. There was so much you wanted to say to him, there was so much you could do. You could tell everyone he spoke English if Jessie could then he could too. But that would lead to questions, and you couldn’t risk Bellamy finding out. Not if this is what your people do to grounders.

        A few minutes later, Clarke rejoined the group. “Get out of my way, Miller! Now!” She commanded, before stomping over to the grounder, gripping a knife so tightly her knuckles were white. “What’s on this?” She asked.

        “What are you talking about?” You asked, thoroughly confused.

        “He poisoned the blade! All this time he knew Finn was going to die no matter what we did! What is it?! Is there an antidote?” She pressed, waiting for the mysterious man to cave.

        “Clarke he doesn’t understand you,” Octavia said, though you knew better.

        Myles, another delinquent brought Clarke a box. He opened it to reveal vials filled with different liquids. 

        “You’d have to be stupid to have a poison around this long without an antidote, Which one?” Clarke asked, spreading the little bottles along the floor.

        “Answer the question!” Bellamy yelled.

        “Show us please,” Octavia pleaded.

        “Which one? Our friend his dying down there and you can stop that!” Clarke said, trying to hide the desperation she felt.

        “I'll get him to talk!” Bellamy stated, grabbing a knife from off a box. 

        “Bellamy no!” You called. He turned to glare at you, and you met his hard gaze with soft eyes. 

        “He wants Finn to die, why can’t you see that?” He asked, but didn’t wait for an answer. “Do you want him to live or not?” Bellamy asked Clarke.

        “This isn’t who we are! He was protecting me, he saved my life!” Octavia begged.

        “We’re talking about Finn’s life!” Bellamy stated.

        “Do it,” Clarke said.

        Bellamy ripped the grounder’s shirt with a knife, before grabbing a seat belt. You looked away as Bellamy began to whip that man with it. 

        “Please. Which one’s the antidote?” Clarke asked, kneeling before all the vials.

        “Just tell them,” Octavia added, but to avail as the grounder didn’t so much as open his mouth. 

        Bellamy placed a hand on Clarke’s shoulder as she stood and moved away from the tiny bottles. You decided to give it a go at the man. You walked up to him but grabbed no weapons. “I know you speak English. I know one of your people.” You whispered, only for the grounder’s ears. “I’m a friend. I don’t want you to get hurt anymore. Please, tell us which one is the antidote.” You pleaded. 

        His eyes went wide when the words left your mouth, but not even a moment later they returned to a hard stare, unwavering and emotionless. 

        “I’m sorry, but if you don’t help me, then there is nothing I can do to stop them.” You waited for a response that never came. You could feel everyone's eyes on you, but seeing as he made no gesture to give you an answer, you stepped away from the imprisoned grounder.

        With that, the people you called your friends, kept torturing him. They cut him, bruised him, stabbed him, even electrocuted him, yet still nothing. He did nothing until Octavia grabbed the poisoned knife. She met his eyes bravely, as she dragged the knife across her arm, making blood pour from the wound.

        “Octavia, no!” Bellamy called, but it was already too late.

        “He won’t let me die.” She stated, her eyes not leaving the grounders. She lifted a vial towards the grounder, and he shook his head, gesturing that it wasn’t the antidote. She tried again, this time she earned a nod, quickly handing the bottle to Clarke.

        “Thank you,” Clarke said, leaving with the antidote.

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