#you never know which dialogue option will cause another breakdown

[spilledkaleidoscope]

Hey, what if Disco Elysium was a hundred times more stressful

[fedyaplushie]

an analysis of the fyodor breakdown scene—the truth, an act, or something else entirely?

warning: !!minor spoilers for the brothers karamazov!!

To believe Fyodor is an honest person is the way of the fool, but to mistrust every word he says and view them as lies will not put you in a better position, either.

By dismissing every dialogue of his, you are still, in a way, putting trust in him. Putting trust in the fact that he is a liar. And thus, you may miss out on important, vital information.

He could be hiding some specks of truth in his words, in his actions, and you will never know, because you already marked him as a liar. Yet he is most definitely not a truthful person, either.

So, it is hard to know... when is he lying? When is he telling the truth? When is he leading us to believe that a truth he told is actually a lie?

With Fyodor, it is very difficult to tell, and one of the moments that proves this the most, is the infamous Fyodor breakdown scene from Chapter 108.

Many people have already discussed the Fyodor breakdown scene which has led the fandom to two major conclusions: either he is genuinely being plagued by a second personality (be it via possession or otherwise), or the entire scene was an act, as Fyodor himself claimed.

I myself have thought about this scene many times, and even wrote up my own thread, in which I discussed the possibility of Fyodor suffering from a real mental breakdown after seeing the note, and then quickly coming up with a bullshit lie of having a second personality to throw Sigma off-guard and claim the upper hand, which he was in need of after showing such a vulnerable side to one of his enemies.

As of right now, I have not yet discarded that possibility, for I want to remain open-minded, no matter what curveballs Asagiri may throw at us. However, I wanted to consider other options, too. We always talk about whether Fyodor was acting or not, but what if there's more to it?

Let's break down the scene:

Sigma shows Fyodor, while holding him at gunpoint, the note he found on the ground of the Meursault hallways, the one which has the Russian translation for "help me" written on it.

Fyodor inspects the note before suddenly scooting back and screaming, leaving Sigma confused. He keeps muttering "help me" to himself, continues screaming, until he goes silent, waits a few short seconds, quickly shoots up and asks Sigma, "What year is it?"

The inclusion of that question has definitely rung alarm bells after recent chapters have revealed that Fyodor may or may not be much older than any other mortal human being—it is at least fair to assume that he was somehow alive centuries ago, if his memories are to be believed.

However, I'm much more interested in what happens next...

He speaks of a demon. The demon that is his ability, the ability that took over him due to his own weakness. He switches from using "him," to refer to the demon, to "I," implying that the demon is a part of himself.

Some have taken this to mean that he is possessed in one way or another (especially with the most recent chapters), but I would like to offer up a different interpretation.

Let's assume the entire scenario was genuine... I am not able to answer who may have written the note or why a Russian "help me" would be enough to trigger Fyodor, but let's assume it did, and his breakdown was real.

My thought was, what if this entire spiel with Sigma came as a result of his own mind?

He has allegedly lived for a long time, seeing himself as a servant of God in his quest to bring humanity to the promised land. Living so long, following such a goal so strictly, would have a toll on one's mind, no? We don't know what Fyodor was like before his ability and/or his immortality manifested, so who's to say that serving such an abstract goal for such a long time wouldn't cause one to have a distorted sense of self?

Moments ago, he was screaming and curled up on the floor. It wouldn't be unlikely that such a moment of mental vulnerability would cause his more distorted sense of self to show itself. Especially when one considers that he asked Sigma what year it was the moment he calmed down, he was clearly quite confused over his surroundings.

So, my conclusion was, that the one he calls a "demon" could simply be referring to the parts of himself that his inner self, deeply buried within, despises, or, maybe more accurately, fears the most. Someone whom he can mentally shift the blame onto, speaking of the demon and his ability as if they were one and the same. If the manifestation of his ability (which many believe is what is causing him to be potentially immortal) was what originally caused him to think that he must have been chosen to fulfill some grand quest, then that makes it all the more likely.

In short, with this interpretation, I do not believe he is possessed. I don't think he has a second personality, either. Both the demon/ability and Fyodor himself are parts of Fyodor, with this scene giving insight into what he truly thinks of himself—a feeble being who was easily overcome by his weakness, and the temptation of his ability and viewing himself as a servant of God.

And then there's the part with the Sword Kladenets (if we're to assume that he was telling the truth about their holiness and that the part about it being a simple guard's knife was a lie), where he asks Sigma to kill him, which is a whole other aspect to consider, if my interpretation is correct...

The one thing that throws me off is how quickly Fyodor came back from all of this, but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he could easily overcome such vulnerable states and act as if it was nothing. We're talking about Fyodor, after all.

Now, I've held this interpretation for quite a few months now, yet I waited until now to bring it up. Why? Simply because my interpretation had no basis. There was, as far as I was aware, nothing to back my thoughts up, and I didn't want to talk about something I myself barely believed in. This interpretation was solely an idea, maybe a gut feeling, but it was never solid in any way.

Until very recently, when a friend of mine texted me to talk about a scene in The Brothers Karamazov... the scene where Ivan Karamazov speaks with the devil. And the scene which Asagiri himself has stated served as an inspiration for Fyodor's character.

Yet that scene is not Ivan's first encounter with the 'devil.' He strongly implies throughout the book that he has had multiple encounters with "him," yet it is not until that very scene—the scene Asagiri which was referring to—until we, as readers, are able to experience it ourselves, through his—Ivan's—lens.

In this scene, Ivan experiences a hallucination as a result of his illness (delirium tremens)... a hallucination where the devil is speaking with him.

The "devil"—whom Ivan acknowledges as an embodiment of his own "thoughts and emotions, though only those that are most loathsome and stupid."

Sound familiar?

Well, I could go on and on about the "Ivan speaks with the Devil" scene and how well it fits into my interpretation of Fyodor's breakdown scene, but this analysis is already quite long, so I may save that for another day...

But I believe I have reached my point—that my interpretation, which I developed solely through gut feeling and creativity, sounds eerily similar to what Ivan experiences, especially in the scene we are privy to... the scene which, once again, has been confirmed by Asagiri to have served as an inspiration for Fyodor's character.

Yet, despite this, I am not entirely convinced, though definitely more than I was before.

While my interpretation may be correct, it's also possible that Asagiri is pulling an UNO Reverse Card and that, while the BSD scene truly could be inspired by the TBK scene, Fyodor was only using the mention of a demon as a lie to throw Sigma off, while in Ivan's case, it was 'genuine.' It is also entirely possible that Fyodor did have a talk with the devil—a.k.a. the part of himself he loathes the most—at some point in the past, and used that experience to make his lie more convincing. Who knows, maybe I'm looking into this way too much and those two scenes have no relation to each other, whatsoever!

"People are quick to believe they are thinking of their own free will. [...] we trust that everything we discover is valuable. We're loath to believe that our thoughts are being controlled."

And thus, we start looking for meaning in panels and dialogue that are either red herrings or don't even have any meaning at all... I am wary of that. Which is why I have elected to stay open-minded, instead of believing in only "one true theory."

But I still want to have some faith in my interpretation and that is why I am sharing it with you. Even if I end up being wrong, I am happy to be able to share my thoughts!

(Forgive me, if I am not the first one to share this idea. Due to spoiler warnings, I have avoided any Fyodor analysis posts, that contain TBK in any way, therefore, I am unaware of the content of said posts.)

Thank you so much for reading this far! I appreciate it!

Shout-out to @/xKolyaMxxx (Twitter) for giving me the motivation to write this analysis by sharing and discussing a similar idea with me!

Huge thanks to @creantzy for making me aware of the content of the TBK scene, for sharing photos of the English translation of the book, and, most of all, for discussing this topic with me, and helping me out a lot!

[saintgoths]

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴡᴇɴᴛʏ-ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE - HEART TO HEART.

WORDS - 3,258.

RATING - 18+. [mentions of nervous breakdowns, mentions of lack of eating and fluff].

SUMMARY - ellie and Joel speak again about her immunity and the town is helping each other prepare for christmas within the preparation isabella meets an ex of joel whereas after venus and ellie share a conversation about their similar conflict.

if you want to join a the last of us discord/joel miller discord here you go! 𓆩♡𓆪

It had been the same night of the era Joel had taken Isabella on a romantic date, when he had expressed and deposited everything that had happened between Ivy and him during comforting conference he had shared with Isabella, Joel had been confident to share a dialogue with Ellie.

She had arrived to his porch deck, her face still and bleak towards the older person who was grateful enough for the auburn-haired girl to appear.

“Why do you want to speak to me?” Her voice rough and aloof, curt and sharp to his interference with her previous activity.

Unfazed by her brusque and concise attitude, Joel gently leaned against the wooden rails of his porch deck, somewhat eager to share the vital information with her, “it’s important, Ellie,” he softly shared with her, the sombre look on his face was deliberate enough for Ellie to understand he was being truthful.

She had pulled herself up the deck stairs, gingerly prepared herself to hear what he had to say. For a bit, it was quiet as Joel arranged himself to say what he needed to say. “The Rosalind family,” Joel softly mentioned which had caused Ellie to shift into a confused state, to why he had brought up that popular clan folk who had recently settled into their society.

Ellie had thought that Joel must’ve been trying to speak about Ivy, unbothered by Joel’s causal prying spirit, Ellie had waved her hand to reassure him that everything is fine. “Yes, Ivy and I are dating—”

“That’s not the reason why I wanted to speak to you,” Joel interfered, “the little girl is immune.” Surprised with the random data, Ellie easily realised who Joel implied about. “She thinks she’s going to die any time soon, and she just needs someone who is also immune to reassure her that everything is going to be fine.”

“How did you find out she was immune?” Ellie questioned.

“I found out myself, and yesterday Ivy begged me to ask you to speak to Venus,” Joel responded.

Ellie slightly stood up, inquisitive about the entire situation. “Did you tell them about my bite?”

Joel softly shook his head in response. “Ivy figured it out herself,” he answered, “but I did imply that I knew someone else who was immune so they wouldn’t worry about me telling the town about their secret.”

Receptive to the information provided towards her, she had stared at nails, contemplated on why Ivy hadn’t come up to her first. “Why didn’t she come to me first?” Ellie faintly whispered, somewhat insecure that Ivy hadn’t thought of her as a first option.

Just as dazed, Joel bounced his shoulders as kickback, “maybe she thought you would deny it if she confronted you about it,” he rejoindered in hopes to make Ellie less uncertain about Ivy’s trust in her. “Ivy’s a good girl,” Joel proudly mentioned, being around the Rosalinds had made Joel acknowledge that Ivy was exactly like her mother when it came to caring for the people around her, it was a great trait he saw within the two women.

“I know,” Ellie considerably answered, Ivy had made Ellie happy, in unique ways Ellie would’ve never thought of, her energy was refreshing and irreplaceable that had cognate Ellie to be ever so grateful for the Rosalind girl in ways she wouldn’t understand. “How’s your relationship with Isabella?” Ellie had always been curious of Joel’s association with Isabella, even though commoners would gossip about their popular bond, and Ivy sometimes told Ellie about the cliché and feeble things Joel and Isabella would say or do for one another, Ellie wanted to hear from the man himself.

“It’s going great,” he blissfully replied, jovial that Ellie had asked him about his romantic bond with the Rosalind matriarch. “We went on a date today, and we’re official, she’s an amazing woman,” he went on, blithe on the thought concerning Isabella.

Ellie sneakily smiled at Joel’s amorous stance. “I’m happy for you.” Joel had contentedly thanked her, cheerful in relation to his positive interaction with Ellie. “I’ll speak to Venus about the bite,” Ellie cordially informed the Miller man. “I’ll do what I can.”

“Thank you, Ellie,” Joel amiably acknowledged the younger person who prepared herself to leave his porch deck. Ellie had beckoned her head, lauded with his response. “Good night, Ellie,” he kindly bided during the moment she left his properties.

Ellie curved to view the man who readied himself to enter his home, her small beam short and brisk as she watched the older man enter his cabin, “good night, Joel.”

1ST OF MARCH 2014

It hadn’t been long since from the time Isabella and Kai had settled in the society they had propitiously searched for, they called themselves the Oraphim, inspired by a celestial being from the Bible that was established as the Ophanim, Angels who were in the shape of wheels with eyes embedded on every inch of their body, Kai had been devoted to their religion, it seemed like he had been knowledgeable of the practice before they had reached the town and when they had begun to alight in the society, he was admittedly excited to join their belief.

During the era they had come to rest in the Oraphim community, Kai and Isabella had gotten closer to each other, romantically and amorously they had been interested in each other ever since they have met and every day of their travel, they had emotionally grown closer and had been popular to never leave each other’s side, avowed as “Kai and Bella”.

Forthwith, the two had sat in the hall for breakfast, they sat opposite each other, calm in each other’s presence and sight, faintly, Kai had sent Isabella a few glances, his hand wrapped around his fork, appreciative of the woman’s growth and maturity throughout the days. “You’ve changed, for the better.”

Kai hadn’t been surprised the first time Isabella had her breakdown, she would sometimes have a nervous collapse and wouldn’t want anyone to touch her. She would scream in her sleep, isolate herself or barely touch the food that was given to her; Kai was kind, and had been by her side through every disruption. Ambitious and eager to help her become better, to fight through her crisis, and of course, Isabella had been grateful for his entire existence, other people would’ve left her the moment they saw her disintegration but Kai had been beneficial and helpful throughout her entire journey and she loved that.

“I have a long way to go,” Isabella mentioned, flustered that Kai had seen every single meltdown she had recently lived through.

Insightful that Isabella was embarrassed for her traumatic response episodes, out of care he had grabbed Isabella’s hand, aware and wise that it wouldn’t be an easy ride. “And I’ll remain by your side, throughout the entire journey.”

It had been the daybreak since Isabella’s date with Joel, the woman had been downstairs with Scarlett simultaneously the rest of the children who completed to prepare themselves for the day. It was almost Christmas, and almost the entire town aided each other to assemble for the day, Isabella was one of the main persons to arrange the Christmas day and her children happily assisted their mother.

“Scarlett, do you want to prepare for Christmas with us?” Isabella kindly questioned during the moment she had pulled on her fluffy jacket.

Scarlett had paused, hesitant and unsure to accompany the Rosalind family on their task. Scarlett’s face was expressive enough for Isabella to understand what the blond girl wanted to say, but the Lucille girl was then compliant on their assignment and somewhat content that she had the opportunity to do something. “My winter clothes are at home.”

“You can still borrow my clothes,” Ivy attentively suggested, Scarlett benevolently thanked Ivy as she prepared herself to return to the room Ivy shared with her.

“But what if my mum interrupts everything?” Scarlett inquired, mildly clutched and fretful of her mother’s behaviour, she wasn’t distressed if her mother would do anything to her, truly, Scarlett dreaded the fact that her mother was moonstruck enough to be violent towards Isabella who had showed nothing but kindness towards her.

“Then, I’ll protect you,” Isabella easily replied, as if it was the uttermost clear answer. Gratified, Scarlett had followed Ivy to her bedroom to prepare herself for their upcoming event.

The family had arrived to their destination and the area was heretofore full and crowded with people who helped each other set up Christmas lights and ready the Christmas tree. The community was large thus extra hands were needed to assemble the day.

Scarlett flooded into a conversation with Venus and Robin as Ivy had assembled with Ellie who had an upset Dina beside her. “Dina and Jesse had a fight, so she’s just in need of a friend,” Ellie truthfully explained, and amenable, Ivy beckoned her head, sympathetic to Dina’s circumstance.

“You okay?” Ivy questioned, benign to Dina’s circumstance.

Somewhat appreciative of Ivy’s benignant stance, Dina dimly smiled at the Rosalind girl, “I’ll be fine.”

“Isabella?”

The matriarch of the Rosalinds curved to the holder of the voice, the tone was different and new from the one’s she was used to and there was a pretty woman, she was tanned-skin, a black woman with curly hair in a high curly-bun, she was somewhat the same height as Isabella and had cute doe eyes that were inquisitive and imperative, “so you’re the woman everyone’s talking about?”

Curious and speculative, Isabella observed the beautiful woman who stood before her, while she attempted to figure out who the woman was, Isabella gently puckered her lips, imperative, “do I know you?”

“I’m Esther, I’ve been at the Dam the week before you moved in here,” she kindly introduced herself, her smile bogus and concocted, Isabella slowly nodded her head ere she returned to her work and resumed her task. “It’s amazing how fast Joel moved on, surprising actually.”

Confused, Isabella raised both of her eyebrows fore she briskly became aware that Esther must’ve been an ex of Joel.  It was Isabella’s turn to be confused, knowing how Joel was it was indeed a surprise that Joel moved on hastily.

Isabella had forced herself to smile before she contrived herself to respond, “it must’ve been my charm,” she mandatorily joked and Esther had laughed with Isabella, only Esther’s laugh was genuine, Isabella had only tittered to seem nice. “It is funny that you two broke up not long ago and no one had mentioned you,” Isabella briskly commented, her tone to a certain extent militant to the thought that Joel had been with someone else, but she had to remind herself to not be crook and a hypocrite as she had her fair shares of suitors she had been intimate with.

Surprised by Isabella’s hostility, Esther raised the both of her eyebrows stunned while Isabella bid Esther a goodbye, Isabella finished her task and left to a complete fresh role.

Esther had curved her body to resume her given Christmas task, eventuality had bumped into Joel who was on his way to Isabella.

“Hey,” Esther greeted her voice discordant, her eyes revealed that she was to a certain extent happy to jounce into Joel who then gracelessly welcomed her with a short hello. The stance awkward, both of them artless for two different reasons, Joel uncouth because Esther was his ex and Esther uncoordinated because she had met Joel’s new girlfriend.

“I’ve met Isabella,” Esther forwardly mentioned, Joel embarrassed, he scratched the back of his neck, amateurish to what to say. “You moved on quick.”

“Life moves on,” he frankly answered, defensive about his hasty decisions.

Esther coarsely laughed at his opposing stance, his resistive characteristic was something Esther both loved and hated. He always thought what he did was right, for himself. “She was really nice to me when she realised I was your ex,” she bitingly conveyed, clearly sarcastic about Isabella’s guise.

Joel intelligent enough to catch the hint that Isabella was belligerent towards Esther, unmoved, Joel blandly gestured his head as kickback to the information, “I’ll talk to her about it,” he mildly mentioned fore he prepared himself to make way to his lover.

It had been a couple of hours from the time of the town helping each other prep for Christmas, Ellie had finally gathered the valour to knock on the main Rosalind home door, quietly prepared herself to converse with Venus about the immunity they both shared. The door was answered shortly after Ellie had knocked and the red-haired woman was met with Isabella who exigently thought Ellie had been looking for Ivy.

Isabella had curved her body to look back into her house and turned back to Ellie, her face inquisitive, “are you looking for Ivy?”

“No, I’m looking for Venus actually,” Ellie made clear, she didn’t understand why she had felt anxious, conceivably because after she had spent years thinking that there was no one was like her, there was unexpectedly a little girl who shared the same uniqueness as her.

Quickly, Isabella realised what Ellie was here for and had directed the Williams girl to Venus’ room then allowed the auburn-haired girl to have her private conversation with her youngest child. Briskly after Isabella had returned downstairs, Ellie had pressed her knuckles a couple of times against the brown wooden door that sealed the entrance to Venus’ bedroom. The little girl was quick to answer the door and quick to become confused to why Ellie had stood there.

“I’m not Ivy,” Venus poorly joked.

“I know,” Ellie replied, entertained by Venus’ dry humour she strolled into Venus’ room and closed the door behind her, Venus returned to her bed, quietly sat at the edge, arms crossed as she examined the older woman who stood in front of her.

“Well, is there anything you want?”

Ellie focused her sight on the dark-haired girl, she had wished she prepared herself what to say to Venus yet she had been busy being anxious than to ready herself. She had paused fore she rolled up her sleeve just as she neared herself to Venus’ bed, she silently revealed her tattoo that coated the old bite-mark to Venus who patiently waited for Ellie’s aim.

“Do you know what this is?” Ellie fervently questioned, free hand wrapped around the wrist that belonged to her infected arm, she lightly moved closer to Venus who brought it upon herself to inspect the limb.

She had shrugged, unmoved and in thought of the conversation useless. “A tattoo,” she forwardly answered ere she examined it more and saw the unusual mark she shared on her lower left leg. “A bite,” she lightly whispered, stunned at the view she briskly turned to look into Ellie’s eyes. “Did Ivy tell you?” She curtly inquired, in relation to her own immune bite.

“No Joel did.”

Upset, Venus had furrowed her eyebrows, the last time she had remembered, Joel promised that he wouldn’t tell anyone about her immunity.

“Ivy pleaded Joel for me to speak to you,” Ellie briskly reassured the little girl the moment she saw Venus’s disappointed look written over the young girl’s face. Gingerly, Venus beckoned her head at the data Ellie had informed her with, comforted that her sister, had done all of this so she could feel better about herself, plus it had made her even more grateful to have a sister like Ivy in her life. “Do you think you’re going to turn?” Ellie questioned, sympathetic and understanding of the little girl’s thought-process, as she was once in a place where she had anxiously and dreadfully waited to commute into one of those things that tragically took over the world.

Venus had nodded, truthfully, sometimes Venus wanted to turn out of guilt, she had the capacity to live a life hundred and dozens of infected people could not, maybe it was survivor’s guilt, maybe it was fear, or maybe she did not want to wait any longer.

“I had this bite for more than two years,” Ellie factually abreast the surprised girl who sat comfortable in the Williams’ girl latency, now interested with Ellie’s intended goal.

The older girl then rested her hand against her laps ere she looked around the room with an impressed look on her face. “I like your room,” Ellie kindly complimented, “way more decorative than your sister’s room for sure,” she joked and Venus joined in laughter.

“How did you feel when you realised you were immune?” Venus curiously questioned, in tune with the atmosphere, content that she had found someone just like her.

Ellie softly dropped her shoulders, her lips slightly puckered at Venus’ question, “I felt hopeful, I felt like my life mattered.” She responded.

“Your life does matter,” Venus kindly reminded her, “your life matters especially to Ivy.” Ellie smiled at Venus’ affection, she had normally perceived Venus to be cold and aloof, perchance Ellie needed this heart-to-heart conversation with the young Rosalind girl, it had opened her eyes to see that Venus was way more compassionate than people said she was. “How comes you felt like your life mattered then?”

Ellie paused, she was doubtful if it was safe enough to inform Venus what had happened, but compared to many people, Venus was way much mature than them, Ellie was sure Venus would understand.

“When I was younger, I was supposed to be taken to the Fireflies so they can create a cure from me, but things didn’t go as planned,” Ellie truthfully explained, affected by unhappiness in relation to the failed mission yet nostalgic.

“What happened?”

Ellie lightly glanced at Venus fore she curved her gaze to her clasped hands. “Joel stopped it because making a cure would’ve killed me.”

Venus remained silent, in retrogress thought, she tightened her lips, reassured and allayed by the silence the two were drowned in. She then broke the silence, her words smart and inquisitive, “is that why you hate Joel?”

Stunned by her keenness, Ellie had calculated her thoughts and pondered her response, she shrugged whilst she shook her head, unknowing what to think. “I don’t particularly hate him,” Ellie dubiously responded, at that moment she had thought of her answer once more ere she turned to look at the younger girl, “I don’t.”

“I’m angry at him for taking my life’s purpose,” she shrugged, her face pouted in dismay but she quickly gathered herself in a brisk smile, curious to what Venus would think. “Would you feel the same as me if your mother did the same thing as Joel?”

Venus contemplated about Ellie’s question, Isabella would never risk Venus’ life for anything, and Venus was familiar with that. Delicately, Venus knitted down her eyebrows just as she shook her head. “The feeling would be complicated, I have watched so many loved ones die because of the bite and knowing what runs in my system could help change the world—yes, I’d be angry and for God knows how long, but in the end, I’ll know my mother did it because she loves me so much to the point that she would sacrifice the world for me. I’m not saying you should forgive Joel now, honestly; you should be mad at him as long as you want.”

Ellie faintly hummed as kickback, she moved her gaze to the door, appreciative of Venus’ perspective. If Ellie was being honest, she needed this conversation as much as Venus.

masterlist

♆

[agentravensong]

Why is Weird Route so Weird? (DeltaRune spoilers)

So here’s my thoughts on why Chapter 2's Weird / Snowgrave route exists (on a meta level) and why it in some ways feels even more upsetting than UT’s equivalent. Spoilers under the cut, obviously.

(For those who don't know what this route is, here's the breakdown. Yes it's all real, I've played through it myself.)

In UnderTale, there are little hints that suggest the player isn't Frisk, or Chara. Post-paci, Flowey tells you to let Frisk live their life. At the end of No Mercy run, Chara speaks to you, asking why you want to bring back the world after *you* destroyed it, and, if it's your second run of this type, why you'd then destroy it again. "I cannot understand these feelings anymore."

DeltaRune seems to be taking this idea of the player being a separate entity from the character you control and expanding it by making it the focus of Kris's story. Noelle at the end of Weird Route, in fact, makes it very clear that the voice Kris used to command her to do bad things didn't sound like their voice at all.

That's not my main point here, though. My main point is that, where DR as a whole is expanding on that aspect of UT, giving a different perspective that more so focuses on the horror of being controlled by an outside entity, and which clarifies that the human being controlled in these games is, in fact, their own person...

The Weird route is an expansion and alternate perspective on the No Mercy route, highlighting an aspect of it that many fans - Chara demonizers in particular - seem to miss: the corrupting effect we have on the character being controlled.

In UT's No Mercy route, we see Frisk/Chara become more aggressive, we hear from other characters that they're emoting even less than usual, and the narration becomes much more cynical, dry, and focused on the task at hand. We are teaching Chara that they were brought back for power's sake, that it has been kill or be killed all along, and that there's nothing in this world worth saving.

However, the route's focus is generally more on the destruction and hurt you're causing to the Underground. Frisk as a presence basically disappears, and Chara doesn't confront you about what you've done to them until the end - and by that point, they're fully on your side (as long as you agree to finish what you started). The main source of horror and angst is seeing the towns empty, the monsters' responses to this ongoing tragedy, their futile attempts to stop you, the "but nobody came"s. Hell, you literally get a counter for how many monsters you have left to kill in each area.

It's different in DeltaRune's Weird Route. There's still some of that brand of angst; enemies running away from you after a certain point, and their frozen bodies remaining on the map. But you're never made to kill any characters you're attached to in the same way as UT's bosses (unless you're a big Berdly fan, I guess, and that's still just 1), and you don't see any of the Darkners reacting to the loss of their friends and family. The cars in the streets disappear, but it's not quite the same as seeing Snowdin Town abandoned.

The focus has shifted, from the way you're ruining the world at large by killing, to the way you're corrupting, ruining, the character doing the killing.

But how do you make that focus clear, when Kris's emotions and will are already so suppressed by the player?

You bring in another character under your command, who's even more hesitant to fight than Ralsei. And you break her.

You teach her that it's okay to use whatever methods to get what you want. You teach her to see everyone else as just enemies to cut down. You teach her that getting stronger is the most important thing.

And Kris changes too in this run - you're only able to push Noelle so far (after the first few murders) because crueler dialogue options come up for them, and Susie can tell when they reunite that something's off. But the focus is on Noelle, because it's a lot easier to see how horrible it is when it happens to her. To a character you can't write off as just a mold for you to pour yourself into, or as the embodiment of your own desire for power.

TL:DR;

In UnderTale, you primarily feel bad for killing your friends, and for being a murderer.

In DeltaRune, you primarily feel bad for making someone else a worse person, and for using them (still to kill people).

And if you see how horrible it is to do that to a person - a kid ("teens are just bigger children") - who never asked for it in DeltaRune...

Consider turning that lens of analysis back on UnderTale proper.

Don't forget about Frisk and Chara. Don't forget what you did to them.

P.S. - Some more factors which don't really fit into the rest of this analysis:

UnderTale is a fantasy game through and through. DeltaRune has a clear divide between its fantasy world and the "normal" world. It's one thing to fight, even freeze, all these fantasy creatures. It's another thing when the consequences come home to roost in the real world.

Chapter 1 is set up to make us think a route like this wouldn't be possible. And even in Chapter 2, fighting enemies normally isn't enough to trigger a significantly worse ending. It can only happen because you go against the script (the whole thing starts with you backtracking to Spamton's shop, after all) and make both Kris and Noelle act so out of character.

and a few more points for good measure from @bananonbinary

[ladyeliot]

It will always be you

Prequel: Stay with me

Pairing: Tony Stark x Avenger Female Reader

Summary: The snap has happened, the return of Wakanda has not been as you all expected, but now you have to face reality, and you just can't stop thinking about him, about Tony.

Warnings: Angst, Fluff.

Word count: 4101

A/N: Post Infinity War. Some of the dialogue is taken from the film. Sorry for my spelling and grammatical mistakes, English is not my native language, I am learning.

Reader Powers: Psionic. You use psionic force to track any sentient being. You also create psychic shields to protect yourself. You can project psychic force bolts which have no physical effects but which can affect a victim's mind, causing them pain.

Life is a continuous struggle of choices that you have to make without stopping to think for a second. It is said that hope is the last thing to be lost, probably because the choice you made almost left you without it. You must also learn that happiness is the last thing to be found, probably because the choice you have made has made you unhappier than you will ever be. Your life has been full of choices, you might have regretted many of them, but you decided at the time to make them, so you never allowed yourself to regret your actions, until that day.

Three weeks after Thanos snapped, hope was completely lost. The new facility has been uncharacteristically silent, no one has been able to say more than two words in a row, and you had barely managed to say one since your return from Wakanda. Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, James Rhodes, Bruce Banner and you, those were the surviving Avengers, the ones that life had given you a second chance, but it didn't really feel like one.

You were in your old room, old because two years ago one of your decisions had taken you away from that place, yes, you were against the Sokovia Accords, that had led you to take the side of the Captain and to fight against the side of Iron Man, who had been the person who had saved you from the madness that your powers had generated in your mind. But even if you had turned against him, you knew you owed him everything. Evidently this was something he didn't understand, which led to a wide rift that had never been bridged on either side, and which led to a breakdown in your relationship of closeness.

Every corner of that room had been kept exactly as you had left it that night when you fled with Wanda. Your drawings together with the charcoals scattered on the desk, the book 'In Search of Lost Time' by Marcel Proust on the bedside table and that bracelet that Tony had given you for your 26th birthday that you had left next to the open jewellery box on the bed. It was really painful to see all of this, knowing that those facilities would probably never be what they once were, that Wanda would not suddenly appear at your door, that you would never sit around the dinner table and that Tony would not occupy the armchair next to your bed to try to cheer you up after a mission that hadn't gone so well. You didn't know whether frustration was taking over the fear and sadness or whether you just didn't know how to control your feelings on that occasion.

The days were long, each of you working in silence trying to make sense of what had happened, looking for a solution that would never come to the problem. You shared the hours, but the solitude that enveloped you was too austere to realise that there was a person by your side. You didn't know Thanos' location, however, even if you did, especially if you did, it had become clear that you could not stand alone against his entire army.

"Would you like some?" asked Natasha offering you a plate with a veggie sandwich on it, which you took with an almost soundless 'thank you'.

Yes, actually that had been your first word in five days, since you said goodnight to Bruce last Sunday, food and sleep were not high on your priorities, especially when you spent the night using your telepathic detection trying to find some sign of life that would make you believe Tony was alive, but it was useless. Your psionic senses allowed you to track any sentient being, you were able to scan large areas, but your ability did not address the entire universe.

That night your spirits seemed to be running low to the ground, three weeks without having achieved anything that would allow you to have any lucidity in your plans was too long as the situation stood. You could hear in the background a soft murmur coming from a conversation between Natasha and Steve, but you weren't really paying attention to it, it was all in your thoughts. But at that instant, an inner burst made them evaporate. A signal came into your brain, a psionic emanation that alerted you to the presence of a spaceship entering the stratosphere, with a fixed direction, yours. You rose from your chair, standing upright, capturing the attention of the people around you. You closed your eyes, heightening all your senses, taking in all the information that was coming to you, at that moment you felt it. You opened your eyes and looked at them.

"He's here," were the only words you could utter before you rushed outside. Your companions soon followed your path, asking questions to explain what was happening, but your inner euphoria prevented you from saying a single word.

That ship appeared above you as you raced across the garden, night was falling relentlessly and you could only glimpse a halo of light that seemed to direct the ship as it landed delicately on the wide grassy esplanade. The five of you paused, taking in the scene, discovering how a side door opened to project a flight of stairs. When you saw his face for the first time your lungs deflated, letting out all the air they had accumulated over a long period of time. Your body went rigid and you didn't react until Steve ran past you and approached the ship to help him down.

He looked terrible, it was evident in every facial feature and in his body movements, you knew what you had been through, but you had no idea what Tony had been through since his disappearance in New York, although you could get a pretty good idea. Before your eyes were Steve and Tony in custody, reunited again, after all that had happened, none of it mattered, at least not to you, and perhaps you had a vain hope that it didn't matter to anyone else either. Even so you didn't know how to act when your eyes connected with his, for a slight moment you wanted to approach him, offer him a hug and tell him that you were relieved to discover that he was there, with you, after all, but you chose to stay where you were, next to Natasha.

It wasn't until you headed inside that the stiffness disappeared from your body. A whispered 'are you okay' from Steve made you react again and pay attention to Natasha's words that were projecting all the information gathered during those days.

"The governments are destroyed," she reported as she projected images showing the missing, like Wilson, Maximoff and Parker, among others, "the working parts are trying to do a census, and it looks like he did it. He did what he said he would do. Thanos wiped out 50% of all living things."

Silence echoed around you, you were sitting in an armchair, somewhat away from the other members, playing with your fingers, trying not to look up, until he spoke.

"Where is he now?" asked Tony. "Where?"

"We don't know," Steve informed him from beside you, sitting at a table. "He opened a portal and went through it. We looked for Thanos for three weeks, with deep space scanners," Steve looked at you, "and satellites, and we found nothing." He looked at Tony. "Tony, you fought him."

"What are you talking about?" asked Tony from his wheelchair. "I didn't fight him. No, he wiped my face with a planet while the wizard gave away the store. That's what happened, there's no fight..."

You took a breath and sighed, because you could contemplate what was about to happen right now, the nerves were there along with the negativity and failure of some of the superheroes on that planet and others, and you knew it could explode at any moment.

"Tony, I'm going to need you to focus..." Steve repeated again hoping that Tony would offer him some clue as to the whereabouts of Thanos.

"I needed you," interrupted Tony in a raised tone. "as in past tense.  That trumps what you need. It's too late, buddy. Sorry." He used a second of his silence to look at Steve and another second to look at you, who stood beside him. You took in most of the feelings hidden in his gaze, and none of them were positive or forgiving. "You know what I need? I need a shave," he tried to get out of the wheelchair, taking everything on the table in his stride. "I don't believe I ever remember telling you this..." he ripped out the IV that connected the drip to his left arm. "To the living and the dead, What we needed was a suit of armor around the world! Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not," he looked back at you and Steve repeatedly. "That's what we needed!”

The discussion continued, avoiding an upset Tony explaining everything he thought about the current and past situation, ignoring the suggestions Rhodes was giving him to calm down and take his seat again.

"[...] Bunch of tired old wheels!" he pointed at Steve. "I got nothin' for you, Cap! I've got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options! Zero, zip, nada. No trust - liar."

Almost ipso facto he turned to you ripped off the reactor prostrate on his chest and handed it to Steve in his hand, leaving those present virtually speechless, if you still had any left.

"Here, take this. You'll find him, if you put that on. You hide-"

After those words you gazed again into his eyes full of resentment at the past, before his body could take it no more and he collapsed in the middle of the room.

In the hours that followed, you were the shadow of a ghost gazing at him from a distance from the door frame of one of the recovery rooms in the new complex. On the one hand fearing his reaction against you when he woke up, while on the other hand wanting to hear it because you knew that sooner or later it would come but you wanted it to come as soon as possible so that you could face it. Those words she had said to Steve were harsh, but they were really nothing to what you expected might happen. It seemed absurd at the time to have entertained the idea that it might have been forgotten.

"Bruce gave him a sedative," Rhodes said, looking up at you, who were leaning against the doorframe. "He'll be unconscious for the rest of the day. Do you want to sit down?"

"No...I'd better..." but Rhodes didn't allow you to finish your words, as he had risen from the armchair next to Tony and offered it to you. "Thank you."

The door to the room ajar to offer you some more privacy. As you turned your gaze towards him you realised the fragility his body conveyed in those moments, he had spent weeks wandering through space not knowing if he was going to get the chance to return home again and yet he had been able to stay alive and find himself there. You closed your eyes and settled back on the couch, you remembered the first time you did that with Tony, he had spent too much time without sleep after the events after the Chitauri invasion, he could barely sleep because of the nightmares and he begged you to stop them every night, so with your eyes closed you concentrated and invaded his mind with caution releasing the tension you found in it and giving him the peace he needed. When you opened your eyes again, her expression seemed to have changed, she seemed to have found some relief inside her, that fact made you smile. But a knock on the door woke you up.

"We need to talk," Steve's words sounded serious.

A new piece of information about Thanos' whereabouts came as a surprise, but for you the surprise came right after.

"Wait, is this some kind of punishment or something?" you said completely dumbfounded, just outside the room where Tony was, with what Steve was proposing. "Why me?"

"Because we need someone to stay with Tony," he said calmly crossing his arms.

"Is it because I'm the smallest of the whole team? Because I could really knock you all out right now with the blink of an eye," you said crossing your arms too.

"It's because Tony needs you," Steve lowered his tone, "and you need him."

There was nothing but truth in those words. You didn't know if Tony really needed you, but what you had assumed was that you'd needed him for a long time, and you'd put a lot of things before that need, creating your close relationship to go to shit, basically.

"I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened to you on this mission," Steve said frankly. "And he wouldn't forgive me either if I said that happened."

You lowered your face as you nodded, accepting his words and the job you had been given.

"Be very careful," you said before Steve disappeared from in front of you to take a path that you had no idea what could be in store for them.

From that moment on, the hours went by really slowly, you took your position in that armchair again, you needed to have a clear mind, you couldn't continue martyring yourself with all the events that had happened, so you started reading 'In Search of Lost Time', that book that had been forgotten on the bedside table since you left that place. News was nil, you barely got a sign of what might be happening and you knew it would probably be days before you got it. 

Night was falling on the compound again, Tony was barely making any sign of waking up, which also gave you time to consider how the situation would play out, and various possibilities for coping with it. Some of his belongings had been salvaged from the ship, and his helmet, or rather what was left of it, stared at you from the dresser in the room. Without having a reason in mind you approached him, causing a blue light to suddenly flash across his eyes, showing you his figure in the middle of the room.

"Is it on?" a figure of a seated, completely haggard Tony appeared before your eyes. "Hey, Ms. Y/L/N, Y/N," your brow furrowed, but you approached his reflection. "If you find this footage don't put it on social media, it'll be really tearful," his words brought a sad smile to your face. "I don't know if you'll watch these videos. I don't even know if you're still... Oh god, I hope so..." there was a silence from his words, but you could see him bring his hands to his face, something inside you cracked. "I guess it's easier to do this if you know the chances of seeing you again are practically nil," something inside you made your heart shrink. "I probably should have realised this a lot sooner," he fell silent, "yeah, but I was busy trying not to hate you too much, you know, when you decided to abandon me and choose the other side," exhaustion almost prevented him from keeping his eyes open. "Anyway, anyway that made me realise how important you had been to me," he let his gaze wander, "I tried to be there for you ever since I met you and... god, this is getting too depressing," he ran his hand over his face. "I just want you to know that I wish you were here, because you're the only person I'd like to share my last hours with," he nodded slightly, you knew what he was trying to say with those words, which made your eyes water. "Don't feel bad about this, I mean, if you stay prostrate for a couple of weeks... and then move on with immense guilt..." he hid his face in the palm of his hand and closed his eyes, you wiped away a tear that ran down your cheek keeping the bitter smile you had been wearing all along. "I want you to know... when I've fallen asleep, it will be like the nights we spent together. I'm fine. All right," he gestured towards you. "I'll dream of you. Because it will always be you."

Suddenly, as if nothing had happened, his image disappeared in front of your eyes, leaving you with hundreds of feelings invading your body and mind. You looked up and there he was, still there, sleeping pleasantly, barely knowing what had just happened. You hurriedly wiped away the last tear running down your cheek and sat back down, putting your feet up on the couch, unable to take your eyes off him. Perhaps those thoughts were drawn from his most desperate moments, believing that his life was about to come to an end, perhaps he was unwilling to show them to you now that he had resumed the course of his life, so even though it was not possible you tried to send them to a hidden place in your mind.

You had hardly slept in those three weeks, your mind hadn't rested for days and you didn't know why, but finding yourself curled up in that armchair next to Tony was giving you back the tranquillity your body hadn't known for too long. It was impossible to stop your eyelids from closing, on the contrary you were willing them to do so and for sleep to warmly invade your body, no matter how long you could stay asleep. That's how it happened, making the hours pass without you even noticing. 

Like a little gust of wind, something in your body made the light enter through your eyelashes. Slowly you opened your eyes, feeling in various parts of your body a tightness due to the position in which you had fallen asleep in that armchair. You discovered that a woollen blanket covered your limbs, but what kept you alert was the bed next to you was completely empty. Tony wasn't there. You jumped up, looking around, the bedroom door was ajar and Iron Man's helmet was missing.

"Tony?" you asked, raising your voice, stepping out into the hallway. "Tony! Where are you?"

You barely heard an answer, so you were thankful those powers were within you, you stopped in the middle of the corridor and closed your eyes, your receptors picked up a signal coming from downstairs, it was him. You found him leaning on the kitchen counter, his eyes closed as he tried to stand. You ran to him, grabbing his arm to hold him up.

"What do you think you're doing?" you said, leading him to the nearest armchair in the living room.

You discovered that he had shaved, taken a shower and was wearing one of his Tom Ford suits that were so recognisable to you. That meant he had been wandering around the house unsupervised for over an hour without waking you up. You knelt down next to him.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" you asked with a worried look on your face as you contemplated that he was extremely tired. "Bruce gave a set of instructions for you to follow, you can't just walk around..."

"It was your turn?" he cut you off with an angry tone. "Be my babysitter? How did you do it? Did you draw lots?" his countenance was serious, you could still see the puffiness in his eyes and his face fully dehydrated. "Whoever draws the shortest stick gets to look after poor Stark, all right, listen..."

"No! You listen to me," you cut him off, raising your tone above his, standing up and resting your hands on each armrest "Tony, we all lost. We all fought and lost, none of us made it," your face was three feet above his. "So now all we can do is try, in some completely illogical way, to move the situation forward. And if we can't, at least look to the future by doing our best to honour those we have lost."

Silence flooded over you.

"So please don't make the situation more complicated," you continued, lowering your tone, almost begging him. "If I've stayed with you it's because Steve has made me understand some things, because yes, it wasn't really my intention to stay with you from the start, but then I realised that if anyone had to stay with you it was me. I realised that if I had to risk my life again I didn't want to go on the mission, because that would mean never seeing you again.And I've also realised that I've needed you for a long time, that I'm finally by your side and I have no intention of separating from you. Whether you like it or not." Tony cut his gaze with yours by ducking it, but brought his right hand over yours.

That gesture provoked you to bring your other hand to his face, placing a gentle caress on his cheek.

"I know there are a lot of things we need to talk about, but one thing we do have is time," you explained as Tony intertwined his fingers with yours. "So please, don't do anything more stupid and don't disappear," maybe it was the atmosphere generated by the situation, but you risked saying the next words. "Because it will always be you."

Tony closed his eyes a little regretfully, a little embarrassedly, and brought his free hand to his face.

"I knew you saw that," he added calmly removing his hand from his face. "Well, at least I've saved myself from having to repeat it in person."

"I'm not sure I got it right," you said falsely. "You know, there was a lot of interference, and besides, I couldn't really understand what you were saying, so..."

"Sorry, there was only one pass for the film," he said wryly which caused you to smile widely as you rediscovered that the old Tony was still hidden in it. "We won't know when there will be a revival."

"Too bad, I really liked that movie," you sat down on the armrest without letting go of his hand and looking up at him.

"Really?" he asked for the first time modestly, and putting aside all the irony that surrounded the situation.

"Totally," you nodded, trying to express all the many feelings through your eyes.

Silence again kept you company, until Tony somewhat uncomfortably broke it.

"I suppose you know that by now I would have kissed you and created a fully effective plan to make love to you for hours until you begged me to stop in pleasure," he stated lamely, "although I think if you give me a couple of hours..."

"All right, Don Juan," you cut him off with a chuckle, "we'd better leave all that for later, and I'll take you back to bed now."

"I think it's a good start if you take me to bed," he continued with his insinuations.

You got up from the armrest and helped him put his arm around your shoulders, even though he repeatedly told you he could walk unaided. 

"Have we heard from the team?" he asked, slowly climbing the steps of the ladder.

"Soon," you said with a halo of hope. 

You definitely made it back to the room, having made it successfully through the journey. You helped him get rid of the shoes and shirt that his pride had forced him to wear, but which now made no sense when he was going back to bed.

"See, you're finally going to get what you wanted, I'm undressing you," you said jokingly causing a smile to appear on Tony's face as he lay back down. "You rest, I'll be here. I'll always be here."

Taglist Open (DM)

MAIN MASTERLIST

[mochegato]

Capturing a Dream

Chapter 9 – Who Do You Know

Chapter 1     Chapter 8

*Note: Most of Batman’s dialogue and all of Red Tornado’s is from the show, so, not my words.

This had passed frustrating several rooms ago.  Now, Conner was straight up annoyed.  He searched each room as they passed by them from the hanger to the communications center, searching for any indication of what time it was.  Had there always been this jarring lack of clocks in the Cave?  He could swear he had always been able to tell the time before.  Or maybe it was just that time hadn’t mattered until he was counting down the minutes to Chimera’s return.  As soon as he got the chance, he was going to put a clock in every room in the Cave and start wearing a watch.

She was supposed to be back anytime now.  She was scheduled to fly ridiculously early that morning into whichever city she was supposedly staying in instead of the Cave and Zeta tube into the Cave as soon as she could.  He absolutely had not been pushing to get the Team back as soon as possible after their mission wrapped up so they would be there in time to greet her.  Okay, so maybe ‘absolutely’ was not the correct word there… or ‘not’.  

He hadn’t seen Chimera in person for a little over a week now and he missed her, so nobody can really blame him for being excited to see her again.  But more than missing her, he was worried about her. She had been extremely apprehensive going home.  She had tried to cover it, but he knew her better.  And eventually, after much wearing down as a result of a coordinated effort by him and Robin, she admitted she was nervous of being reminded of the final battle.  He didn’t know how bad the battle was or exactly how badly it had scarred her, just that it had, but if her reaction to the failure exercise was any indication, it was severe.  Being back there without anyone to talk to about it, anyone who could understand her reactions, could be devastating for her.

On top of that, the trip came within a few weeks of Robin’s breakdown after the Haley’s Circus mission and her discovering that Conner had been using shields Lex Luther had given him to enhance his powers.  He had never seen her so angry.  He didn’t think she was capable of that amount of rage and he prayed to whatever god or goddess responsible for watching over them, that she never directed that anger toward him.  He was honestly concerned for Superman the next time she saw him and Conner had kept a close eye on her after she found out to make sure she didn’t go after Lex by herself.  After the anger receded, he could see the disappointment set in.  That was more disturbing than the anger.  While the anger had been jarring, seeing the disappointment in herself for having missed that he had turned to the shields was heartbreaking.  

She looked like she was barely holding it together before she left.  Her phone call on Christmas had done nothing to calm his fears.  She had tried to cover, but he could hear how empty her voice sounded no matter how cheery she tried to make it sound.  He could almost convince himself he imagined it but Robin had been there for the call too and he heard it as well.  He needed her to get back so he could be assured she was okay.  Conner wanted to see her, hold her, feel her in his arms, hear her laugh, so he could make sure she was okay.  He wouldn’t believe she was okay until he could.

Superboy was knocked out of his concentration by Batman’s gravely voice. “…  The mole was Red Arrow.”

“Rolly?” Robin exclaimed in shock.

“No way,” Kid Flash insisted.

“Batman that cannot be,” Aqualad spoke up.  Roy was his best friend.  He would more easily believe himself capable of betrayal than Roy.  “He was Green Arrow’s protégé.  We have all known him for years.”

“Unfortunately, the Roy Harper we have known for the last three years is another Project Cadmus clone,” Batman informed them calmly.  Superboy froze, staring at Batman in shock.  Roy was another clone, like him.  

“We have learned the real Speedy was abducted and replaced immediately after becoming the Green Arrow’s sidekick.  The clone was preprogrammed with the drive to become a member of the League.”  Superboy furrowed his brow.  Had that been their plan for him as well?  If the Team hadn’t rescued him when they had, who knows what they could have made him do.

“We believe when his mission was taking too long, they enlisted someone to help him speed up the process.  With her help, he was finally admitted into the League, at which point his secondary programming kicked in and he attempted to betray the League to Savage,” Batman continued.

“Who was helping him?  Was there a second mole or was it someone assisting from the outside?” Aqualad asked.

“It was a second mole.  His girlfriend, Chimera,” Batman answered unemotionally.

“What?” Superboy exclaimed louder than he meant to, shock and hurt quickly flashing over his face before turning to a glower.

“I was unaware they had started a relationship,” Aqualad stated carefully, a slight furrow in his brow.  Roy had mentioned he was getting very close to Chimera, but had not mentioned that it had progressed to that level.  Not to mention he had thought Chimera was closer with Conner than Roy, but then again, he tended to misread romantic overtures.  But, the idea that Chimera may have betrayed them was disturbing, but then again if Roy could be a mole, could he really be certain of anyone. Certainly the timing of Chimera’s introduction to the Team coinciding with evidence of the mole arising was suspect.

“Chimera isn’t a mole and she isn’t dating Roy,” Robin insisted, whirling on Batman in shock.

Batman nodded.  “We are not certain she was assisting him, but there is more than a little evidence to support the idea that she was.  I’ve been keeping an eye on her since she joined and facts seem to match up.  As for dating, I’m sorry to say she is.  We didn’t tell anyone because she claimed she didn't want to cause strife within the Team, but with this new information, it seems like there was something more to it. We believe she may have been his handler.  She joined the Team to help Red Arrow get into the League and sabotage the Team’s missions subtly.”  His voice was cold.  “Red Arrow has gone into hiding, but we don’t think he’s been able to contact Chimera about it yet.  When she comes back let us know immediately.  Do not alert her that we are aware.”

“There is no way…” Artemis interjected loudly.

“She would never!” Kid Flash exclaimed at the same time.

“Chimera would never betray us like that,” Conner insisted angrily.  How dare Batman suggest Chimera would betray them!  She was like a daughter to him.  She might not realize their relationship was like that, Hell, Batman might not realize it was like that, but Batman treated her like he treated Robin and Conner wasn’t blind enough to miss the protective pats and hair ruffling.  He certainly hadn’t missed how Robin treated her like a sister.  And after all that, Batman would so easily believe the worst of her.

“The clone Roy and Chimera, the Team will apprehend them,” Aqualad stated gravely.

“Negative.  Red Arrow is a member of the Justice League and Chimera was working with him to betray us. We will handle them both,” Batman answered.  He suddenly turned away, bringing his hand to his ear.  “I’m needed in the Watchtower.  Tornado, watch the kids.”  He strode away without further discussion.

“Okay, but we’re going to get to them first, right?” Kid Flash spoke up quietly, so Red Tornado couldn’t hear him.

He looked up quickly, apprehension on his face when Red Tornado hurried toward them before suddenly stopping midstride. They all stared in confusion. “Tornado!” Kid Flash exclaimed, moving to check for any outward signs of a cause.

“What happened to him?” Rocket asked.

Zatanna raised her hands to her temples.  She could feel something strange.  Something was off about the whole situation.  “I’m sensing a low level mystic force at play.  I don’t know if it caused his shutdown, but… come to think about it I was getting the same buzz off Batman.”

“Magic… like Chimera?” Artemis asked.

Zatanna shook her head.  “No. It feels different than Chimera’s magic.”

“Could it be different because it’s a trace, not the full impact?” Aqualad asked.

“No. I’ve sensed Chimera’s faded magic. All the Cave is steeped in it.  I haven’t sensed this before.  Not to mention, Batman said he hadn’t been around Chimera.  How would her magic be on him if he wasn’t and why would she implicate herself?”

“That wasn’t Batman,” Robin said aggressively.

“Robin…” Aqualad started calmly.

“He can still be Batman and wrong,” Superboy growled. “We don’t know if he is being lied to. We just know Chimera isn’t betraying us.”

“Maybe she doesn’t know she’s doing it…” Rocket hedged.  “Batman said Red Arrow didn’t know.”

“That might be an option except he said she’s his handler.  That means she knows what she’s doing.  She’s aware. It isn’t programming.  And he said she’s dating Roy.  Chimera isn’t dating Roy and she isn’t a traitor… And Batman never calls us ‘kids’,” Robin insisted, turning his focus back to examining readouts on Red Tornado.

Aqualad shook his head sympathetically but firmly. “Roy has said he and Chimera were getting close and they wanted to keep the fact secret, which confirms at least that part of what Batman said.  We know very little about her personal life.”

“You know less about mine,” Robin challenged, brooking no resistance.  He knew Chimera.  Maybe he had only known her for a few months, but he knew her and trusted her.  She couldn’t do this.  She just couldn’t.  “I would know if she were dating, especially a team member or hero.  There's a reason she told us she doesn't date teammates. There's…”  He furrowed his brow, trying to figure out how to phrase what he was thinking without revealing Chimera’s secrets.  She did not like to talk about this part of her life.  “…deep seeded trauma there. She didn't just get over that in a few days. She wouldn't start dating Roy without talking to someone. Without NEEDING to talk to someone. Since it's a hero, that means taking to one of us, specifically me or Conner or Artemis.  She didn't talk to me.  Conner?”

Conner shook his head.  “She’s only ever repeated that she can’t date teammates.”

“Artemis?” Robin prompted.

Artemis shook her head and sent a smug look to Aqualad. “Never said a word.  Never even indicated.  Zatanna, Chi, and I had a girl’s night the other day and we had a long talk about dating.  She never mentioned him.”  She glanced over at Zatanna.  “Did she give any indication of dating anybody or liking anyo… Roy?” she quickly corrected herself.

Zatanna looked between the Team anxiously before swallowing and straightening her back.  “No.  No, she didn’t talk about Roy.  And Robin’s right.  She doesn’t date teammates.  Even if she wanted to,” her eyes flicked over to Superboy so quickly anyone not looking for it would miss it, “she doesn’t.  We would know if she went against that.”

Superboy’s head whipped over to them, eyes wide.  Artemis said him, meaning she had mentioned someone else.  Zatanna emphasized that she didn’t talk about Roy, meaning she talked about someone else.  He silently urged either of them to continue talking about that night, release some clues on who she may have mentioned.  Instead Artemis cocked her head to the side and thought for a moment.  “She hasn't been acting different either.  Chi can't keep a secret, other than her identity, to save her life.  Remember Kid Flash’s ‘surprise’ party?  And let’s be honest the identity is probably only still a secret because we haven’t met her in person.  We would know something was going on, even if we didn't know what.”

“Not if she’s been deceiving us from the beginning, if her whole supposed personality was an illusion,” Aqualad noted stoically.

Conner’s brow furrowed in frustration.  Aqualad was seriously proposing Chimera was their enemy.  Chimera had almost died for them.  She’d risked her life and her sanity for them, more than once.  And Aqualad was just turning on her.  One statement and none of what she had done for them mattered. He clenched his fists and stepped forward to yell at Aqualad when Kid Flash’s voice interrupted his movement.  “He’s taken her to the Batcave hasn’t he?  Multiple times?” He glanced up from staring intently at a spot on the floor to look at Robin inquisitively.

Robin nodded in agreement.  “He has.  And he doesn’t let anyone he doesn’t trust completely come into the Cave.”  

“So,” Kid Flash started, “he’s trusted her deeply from the beginning.  He hasn’t ‘been keeping an eye on her’.  And her behavior hasn’t changed… but his has.”

Conner nodded in agreement.  “Which means she’s not the one we have to worry about.”  He glared pointedly at Aqualad, making sure he understood their point.  

“Maybe not about her but for her,” Zatanna offered carefully.  All eyes turned to her waiting for her to explain. “He singled out Chimera for a reason. So either they want our whole team here so they can do to us what they did to Batman, or they are targeting Chimera specifically.”

“Why would they target her?” Rocket spoke up again.

Superboy kept his glare at Aqualad.  “If we’re being honest, she has more power than the rest of us.  They could want to put her at a disadvantage, isolate her.”

“Isolate who?”  The voice floated into the chamber like a kitten’s purr, but cut through the air like a fog horn.

“Chi!” Superboy exclaimed, rushing over to her.

“Hey.” Her smile beamed as she hugged him.

He examined her face quickly.  She was smiling, but she looked exhausted, like she’d been through a grueling mission, one that isn’t dangerous, just draining.  His expression turned concerned.  “How was the trip?  You look tired.”  

Her smile weakened.  “It was good. I missed my friends and family so much.” She slumped against his chest. “Being back was just… a lot.”  She took a deep breath and straightened up. “But it was good.  I’m good.  It’s all… good.”  She let out a defeated sigh, but looked back up with a plastered on smile that lasted until she examined his face, morphing into a concerned frown at the sight.  She raised her hand to run it over his face, but quickly realized what she was doing and dropped it to his shoulder instead with a faint blush.  “How was it here?  How have you been?  How is Robin? How was the mission?”

“I’m fine.  Robin’s fine. It was fine,” Superboy hedged with a strained smile, slinging his arm over her shoulders and guiding her over to the group.

“That was too many ‘fines’ to be true,” Chimera commented apprehensively, looking at him questioningly.

“You really want to throw that stone Ms. ‘all good’?” he commented back with a pointed look.

Her face went slack, her eyes widened at the call out.  “Uh… no,” she admitted turning back toward the group, eyes flicking between them under her lashes.  “Can we not discuss this… now?”

“Later?” Superboy asked hopefully.  He knew her natural inclination was to bury things deep down, until they were so hard to see, she could pretend they never existed.  Internalizing every emotion, every let down.  It was the opposite of his way of handling things. Letting them simmer on the surface, where the slightest touch sent them radiating out into the world around him, usually with screaming or punching.  Chimera hummed noncommittally in response, absolutely no intention of bringing up memories and emotions she wished would disappear.

“It was after the mission that was enlightening,” Aqualad stepped forward.  “We need to talk about Roy.”

His voice was serious and laced with a significance that Chimera didn’t understand.  Superboy’s arm tightened incrementally on her shoulder, pulling her closer to him.  She looked up in time to catch the dark look he was giving Aqualad.  She turned back to Aqualad with a quizzical expression. “Like, Rogers?”

“Rogers?” Aqualad repeated.

Artemis tried to stifle her laugh.  “No, Chi.  Not like Roy Rogers.”

Aqualad looked between them, his brow furrowing in confusion, before he returned his gaze back to Chimera.  “No, Roy Harper.”

“Oh!”  Chimera nodded in understanding.  “Okay…” Her brow furrowed faintly and she looked to the side in thought before looking back at Aqualad with a wince.  “Is that… another actor?  I haven’t really seen many… any westerns.  I really only know who Roy Rogers, John Wayne, and Woody Strode are.  Well, know is a stretch.  I’ve heard their names.”

Aqualad blinked at her a few times, unsure what she was talking about.  “No. Red Arrow.”

Realization rippled across Chimera’s face.  She nodded, her eyes going wide.  “Oh!  Okay. Yeah.”  Robin and Kid Flash talked about Red Arrow a lot, but by his code name, rarely by his real name.  She would never have been able to remember it if she wasn’t prompted first.  Her eyes darted over to Robin to see if he held any answers, but instead of looking back at her, he was glaring at Aqualad as well. She looked back at Aqualad, noticeably more apprehensively.  Her brows furrowed in confusion.  “What about him?”

“Batman said he’s the mole,” Aqualad informed her, watching her reaction carefully.

Chimera’s face immediately fell, her eyes darted back to Robin again.  “Robin,” she whispered.  Her eyes moved over to Kid Flash, next to Robin, and turn pained.  She looked back to Aqualad.  “Is he sure?”

Aqualad nodded.  “Batman said he’s actually a clone of the real Roy Harper programmed to infiltrate the Justice League, but was discovered by Batman before he could do any damage.  

Chimera gasped, eyes entirely focused on Robin and Kid Flash.  “What happened to the real Roy Harper?”

“He didn’t say.”  Aqualad answered.  She tensed to go over to hug Robin and Kid Flash.  Robin and Kid Flash always talked about Roy like he was one of them.  They understood each other in a way few others could.  They would tell stories about him and laugh like their lives weren’t constantly at risk, like they were just normal teenagers.  Those times were some of the few she got to see Robin like the kid he was.

Artemis’ voice cut through her thoughts before she could move.  “But we have reason to believe that isn’t true.”

Chimera turned to her with a hopeful smile. “Really?”  A flash of relief appeared in her eyes.  She couldn’t imagine the toll it would take on Robin and Kid Flash if it was true and she didn’t want to have to see it.  They’d all been in this for a long time together, grew up in it together.  They were like family.  Not to mention she knew he and Aqualad were close as well.  If there was a chance Batman was wrong, they had to investigate it.

“I wanted to let you know because… we know you're dating him.” Aqualad informed her carefully.

Chimera’s eyes snapped back to Aqualad, her mouth hanging open in shock and her body turned rigid.  “That I’m what?” Her voice came out an octave higher than normal.

“Batman told us,” Aqualad informed her calmly. “And Roy has mentioned it as well.”

Chimera flinched back and shook her head.  “What?  I've never even met Red Arrow.  Why would he say that?  Why would Batman?”

“That’s why we have reason to believe Roy isn’t the mole.  Because Batman told us you were dating Roy at the same time he said Roy was the mole. He said they thought you were his handler,” Robin bit out bitterly.

Chimera’s heart stopped.  She gaped at Robin.  Batman… Batman said he thought she was betraying them.  Batman thought she was a traitor.  Batman was her mentor, as much as she had one, or at least she had thought of him as hers.  She had thought he might be more than just a mentor as well, but that must have just been her.  More than that, he was a League founder.  If he thought it, the rest of the League must as well.  They would all believe she was a traitor.  They would all turn on her, even her team.

Her breathing picked up.  She couldn’t handle this.  But she couldn’t even blame them for it.  This was her fault.  This is the price of anonymity.  This was the tradeoff of keeping yourself guarded.  You keep people from knowing you, but then they don’t know you.  They don’t know who you are, so they don’t know who you are and who you’re not.  She never let them know who she is, so of course her team will believe Batman.  

She was going to lose them and even if she proves herself, there will always be that doubt and once you’ve lost that trust, it never fully recovers… as her trip home proved.  Everything seems the same on the surface, but if you pause to examine it more closely, everything is different.  The way they look at you, the way they relate to you, the way they see you, has changed.  Robin wouldn’t trust her anymore.  He’d put up a wall between them, the same one he put up with anyone he didn’t fully trust, keeping them at a distance with a false smile.  And Conner!  He’d pull away too.  Still friendly, but not friends.  Still there, but not the same…

“…imera!  Chimera!”

Chimera felt a squeeze on her shoulder and a hand on her cheek, bringing her back to reality, stopping her descent into panic. She slowly moved her eyes to the arm belonging to the hand on her face and followed it back to its owner, looking up to see Superboy’s soft, concerned eyes.  He gave her a supportive smile and nod to let her know they were on her side. “That’s why we knew he was lying,” Superboy assured her.

Chimera let out a shuttering breath and buried her face in Superboy’s chest.  He wrapped his arms around her protectively, nuzzling into her hair.  “We know you better.  We know you would never do that.  No matter what he said, we know you,” he whispered into her hair.

Aqualad looked between them and nodded once, satisfied for now with her innocence. “Roy… Red Arrow is the key.  We need to find him and see what he can tell us. If Chimera is innocent then he may be as well.  Regardless, we need to find him before the League does.  Artemis, Superboy, Zatanna, you’re with me.  The rest of you, see what you can do about Tornado.”

“Wait, what’s wrong with Red Tornado?” Chimera’s eyes peeked out from Superboy’s chest.

“I’ll stay here,” Superboy responded with a sharp edge to his voice.

“We’re potentially going up against Red Arrow.  We need you with us to bring him in if…” Aqualad took a breath.  “If he decides to fight us.”

“I thought you didn’t think he was the mole,” Chimera asked uncertainly, subconsciously clinging a bit closer to Superboy.  If they still thought Red Arrow was the mole, did they really still think she was his handler as well?

“I don’t…” he looked away in contemplation.  “I don’t know.  But we need to speak with him to figure out what is going on.  Hopefully peacefully and it is best to be cautious,” he added. His voice was even, but anybody familiar with him could hear the strain in it.

Chimera gave him an understanding smile.  Although he didn’t speak about Red Arrow often, and almost never with Chimera, she knew they were close.  Believing his friend capable of something like this must be hurting him deeply. She looked up to Superboy.  “You should go,” she whispered.

“They can handle Red Arrow,” he argued back quietly.  “I can stay until you’re…  I can help with Tornado.”

Chimera shook her head.  “I’ll have Robin.  I’ll be okay until you come home.”  She glanced subtly over to Aqualad.  His shoulders were more tense than usual, his grimace more pronounced.  He was trying to hold it together, but he was suffering. “Aqualad needs you more right now.

Superboy huffed and looked over to Aqualad and the others Aqualad had singled out for a moment before looking back into Chimera’s eyes.  “Fine.  But I don’t like it.”

Chimera rested her head back on his chest, watching the rest of the Team. “Nobody likes what’s happening right now.”  She closed her eyes and squeezed him for a moment.  “Be safe.”

She stepped away from him, avoiding his eyes.  “You too,” he whispered, letting his fingers linger on her as she walked away to join Robin, Kid Flash, and Rocket.

“The problem’s hardware, not software,” Robin mused, examining schematics on a holographic display.  He didn’t even look up when Chimera stopped next to him.  He reached out, giving her a one armed hug.  She slung her arm around his shoulders, returning the squeeze. “But where do we start?”

Zatanna paused on her way out of the room.  “I have an idea.”  She glanced quickly behind her to see how far away the rest of her group had gotten. She bit her lip nervously, not wanting to upset Aqualad with her tardiness.  “Chimera, you remember the android he had in his quarters?”

Chimera perked up immediately.  “Yes! New hardware for his existing software. Brilliant idea, Zatanna.  Good luck with your mission,” she called to Zatanna as she ran to catch up with the rest of her group.  “Hey, Rocket, do your force bubbles move?  Might make moving the body easier.”

<><><><><> 

“I heard we’re dating,” Chimera started out with a sarcastic smile, extending her hand to shake Red Arrow’s.  “It must have been a terrible relationship if I can’t even remember you. I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, but I don’t think this relationship is working out for me.  I think we should see other people.”

Red Arrow huffed out a laugh and smiled against his will.  He shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck.  He looked up at her sheepishly.  “Yeah, sorry about that.”

Chimera shrugged and moved past him to sit on a bulkhead.  “Not your fault.  And not the worst end to one of my relationships, so...”  She offered him a smile.  Red Arrow smiled back and moved to sit next to her for the planning meeting, but was cut off by Superboy taking the spot before Red Arrow could sit.

Red Arrow raised an eyebrow at him, but backed down.  He wasn’t looking to start a fight with the only heroes he knew that weren’t under mind control. Instead, he took a seat between Robin and Kid Flash.

“Would anyone care to enlighten us as to why you have Black Canary tied up and gagged?” Aqualad asked, bringing the conversation back to the issue at hand.

“Yeah, about that…” Kid Flash started with a grimace, warily eying the hero that was bound and gagged at their feet.

“Can we start from the beginning?  I don’t think I���m the only one who doesn’t have a clear picture of everything that’s going on,” Chimera requested.

“The entire Justice League is under the complete mental domination of Vandal Savage,” Red Tornado spoke up from his android body.  “Red Arrow seems to have been his means.  His method was something Savage referred to as Starotech.  An alien bio organism infused with nano technology and magic.  It shuts down the mind’s autonomy allowing Savage to reprogram the individual to suit his needs.  Even my inorganic brain was not immune.”

Chimera straightened up in surprise.  “Wait, so Red Arrow was the mole?”

“I was the mole,” Red Arrow confirmed with a grimace.  “I just don’t know why.  If it was the Starotech, then they wouldn’t have needed to have a handler for me or key phrases that would shut me down and ready me for new orders.”

Superboy watched him curiously.  “Batman and Tornado said you were a Cadmus clone, like me.”

Red Arrow sighed and looked down.  “That explains it.  I must have been pre-programmed to infiltrate the League.  I was probably given occasional new orders as well.  I think one of those orders was to focus suspicion on Artemis and Superboy.  More recently, I think Chimera was added to the list, in a much more explicit way.”

“Why?” Superboy straightened, glaring at Red Arrow.  His arms twitched to circle around Chimera and pull her closer to him.

“They didn’t tell me,” he shrugged.  “I never knew why I did any of it.  I wasn’t part of the team, I was a tool.”

“I’m an easy target,” Chimera spoke up quietly.  “He was already implicating Superboy and Artemis.  Robin, Kid Flash, and Kaldur have known each other or of each other for years and see each other regularly enough to know if something was off. Zatanna and Rocket joined after Kaldur started noticing indications of a mole.  That leaves me.  And since you know almost nothing about me, I don’t even have a mentor to vouch for me, it makes doubting me easy.”  

Superboy ran his hands up and down her arm to comfort her.  Chimera leaned into his side slightly, keeping her focus on the conversation.  Superboy looked over to Kid Flash and Red Tornado.  “So where does Black Canary fit in?”

“Oh! Riiiiiight.” Kid Flash awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.  “We were transferring Red Tornado’s consciousness from his regular body to his android body when she interrupted us.  She attacked us and we had to stop her.”

“So she’s infected as well,” Artemis observed.

Aqualad frowned at the ground in concentration.  “If it’s an infection, then we need a cure.  I will contact Queen Mera about creating an immunization based on Starotech.  We have Black Canary we can test the cure on.  Let’s move.”

Robin wormed his way next to Chimera as they moved to the communications hub for the ship.  He pulled her into a quick side hug.  “You know, we don’t need to know everything about each other to trust each other.  And I do trust you.”  He spoke quietly so only she could hear him.

Chimera closed her eyes as she hugged him back. “I trust you too, birdbrain.”

Robin rolled his eyes and shoved her away.  “I take it back.  I hate you.”  Chimera cackled with laughter.  Robin reluctantly joined her, trying to keep his annoyed facade.  They tried unsuccessfully to school their expressions when Aqualad glared at them until Queen Mera answered, drawing his attention away.

<><><><><> 

Waiting was torture.  It always was.  Waiting for something to happen when there was nothing you could do until then except think about the upcoming event, was agony.  Chimera looked around the room.  The Team was scattered each in their own space, waiting for Black Canary and Red Tornado to finish their preparations so they and Red Arrow could go in first and distract Savage, while the Team put the vaccine patches on the rest of the Justice League one member at a time.  

Everyone was in their own head, bodies tense, and emotions on edge.  They were going up against people they’d looked up to their whole superhero careers, parental figures, mentors.  People who taught them how to fight, how to strategize.  They knew more than the Team did and it was still unclear how much of their previous fighting knowledge they retained or if the person controlling them would have to come up with their own moves and techniques.

The Team was clearly dreading the former option, including Chimera.  With so many different powers to go up against, she had cleared out the miracle box so she would have options for which powers to utilize.  Changing was going to be tricky and she was going to have to keep Trixx well fed so she would be able to keep up her illusion of her suit not changing, but there was too much of a possibility for failure not to at least try.

She hoped she was hiding her apprehension better than the rest of the Team.  No matter how much they tried to hide it, Chimera knew their tells.  She knew Artemis set her jaw like that when she was anxious.  She knew Aqualad clenched and reclenched his fists like that when he was nervous.  She knew Kid Flash held his arm like that with his other hand when he was afraid.  She knew Robin stared intently like that when he was apprehensive.  She knew Zatanna bit her lip like that when she was unsure.  She knew Superboy glowered like that when he was worried.  It was slightly different from his many other glowers.  And she didn’t need to know Rocket and Red Arrow to see their nerves in the darting of their eyes.

She looked between them and furrowed her brow until she perked up, something occurring to her.  “So… it’s like a video game, right?”  All the eyes in the room darted to her with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance, but she continued on undeterred.  “I mean, they’re like characters in a video game, being controlled. That means there’s someone with some kind of controller.”  She looked over to Aqualad.  “Do you think there's any way that we could get our hands on that controller?” she asked with a devious glint in her eyes.  “Just for a few minutes?”

“Oh my God!  Yes!” Kid Flash exclaimed, immediately seeing where she was going and excitedly bouncing.  “Can we? Can we, please?”

“We will not take advantage of our compatriots and mentors in such a demeaning way,” Aqualad answered sternly.

“Yeah, yeah morally reprehensible reshmensible.  But, do you think we could?” Kid Flash asked again, his eyes bright.  In an instant he was next to Chimera, both giving Aqualad overly wide smiles.

“No,” Aqualad said firmly.

“Angelic smiles aren’t working,” Chimera noted in a stage whisper.  “Deploy kitten eyes.”  She and Kid Flash immediately switched to sad, pleading eyes, aimed directly at Aqualad who barely noted them before rolling his eyes.  Chimera harrumphed when she realized hers wouldn’t work since she had sunglasses hiding her eyes.  Instead, she elbowed Zatanna who looked confused for a second before grinning and schooling her face to offer her own kitten eyes.

Superboy quickly looked to the ground to hide his smirk, but Artemis and Robin made no attempts to hide her laugh that echoed throughout the room.  “Oh my God, you guys are such dorks,” Artemis eked out between laughs.  

“Yes,” Kid Flash agreed, “dorks who love video games.” He turned back to Aqualad.  “Pleeeeeeeeease.”  He held his hands out in front of him in supplication.

“Are you two going to take this seriously?” Red Arrow snapped.

Chimera rolled her eyes and offered a kind smile. “Come on, tell me you don't want to see Batman punch Green Arrow.”  Her smile turned enticing.  “We can make that happen,” she singsonged at him.

Red Arrow scoffed.  “I don't need remote control to do that.  I just have to tell Batman any of the things Green Arrow has said behind his back and then suggest a spar between them.”

Chimera waved him off.  “Fine.  Green Lantern or Wonder Woman punch Green Arrow,” she offered instead with a knowing smirk.  “I’m not even a protégé and I definitely have JL members I’d like to see get punched a few times.”  She shrugged in an overly casual way.  “Or, you know, one member anyway.”

Red Arrow cocked his head to the side considering the image of Wonder Woman decking Oliver.  “Now that you mention it...”

“Oh my God!” Chimera exclaimed, eyes widening in excitement.  “Dance Party!”

“Yes!” Kid Flash jumped on to her thought process, mirroring her excitement.  “The Flash breakdancing.   Hawkman doing the Carlton.”

Red Arrow looked over to Chimera with an analytical look.  After a few seconds, his face broke into a reluctant smile.  “Batman doing a scene from Phantom of the Opera, that’s angsty, he’d like it.”

“Yes!!” Chimera exclaimed, jumping with excitement that he had joined.

“Green Lantern and Aquaman doing the Kid ‘n Play,” Robin gave a small smirk, nerves still there, but lessening.

“Do you think we can get Martian Manhunter to do the Macarena?” Superboy pondered, coming up behind Chimera and resting his arm on her shoulders.

“It’s our imagination.  We can get them to do whatever we want,” Chimera laughed.

“I would pay to see Wonder Woman do the worm,” Artemis smiled coming up next to Zatanna and bumping her hip with her own.

“Can we get my dad to do something?  What should we get him to do?” Zatanna added with a hesitant smile.

“How about the Running Man?” Rocket offered, joining the rest.

“Green Arrow doing Gangnam Style dance,” Red Arrow gave Chimera a playful smile, joining the group to stand next to Chimera.

“My flute records.  I can take video for posterity,” Chimera grinned back conspiratorially.

“I’ll take you up on that,” Black Canary grinned as she came up behind them.  “I think it sounds like fun.  Plus, I need more blackmail material.  If I come across the opportunity, I’ll let you know.” She winked at them before turning to Aqualad with a serious expression.  “We’re ready to go.”

Aqualad’s expression immediately transformed from light to serious.  He stepped forward to address his team.  “It is time. Are we ready?”  He looked around to the Team waiting for nods from the group. Once he received them he watched Black Canary, Red Tornado, and Red Arrow step up to the Zeta tube.  With them in position, he turned to Chimera. “Open the portal.”

*Note 2: The android body is from the show as is Queen Mera and some scientists coming up with a vaccine in a few hours, so those cheap cop outs are theirs not mine.

Chapter 10

Tags:

@mickylikesstuff @mystery-5-5 @roguishredaxion @vroomtaka @laurcad123 @just-an-observer-ignore-me @emimar7 @moonlightstar64 @maribat-writing-and-prompts @aespades @yokomisaki @glastwime859 @mysticknown @glastwime859 @fan-writtenen @stackofrandomstuff @jalaluvsu @ultimatetornshipper @charme-de-malchan @lozzybowe @deathwishy @too0bsessedformyowngood @kokotaru @ichigorose  @nathleigh @dorkus-minimus @ira-sairain @jayjayspixiepop

[aislingyngaio-games]

The Tifareth Balance

I think this goes all the way back to the gnostic tree, and how everything has to be brought into balance to achieve Final Heaven.

Introduction: Where the Characters Begin in FF7

At the beginning of the story, Aerith was treated all her life as special by certain individuals - Turks, Shinra/Hojo, Elmyra, Zack. This gave her a very young Queen Victoria levels of self-importance and obstinence, very self-centered world view if you will, and that's why in OG she's always asking Cloud what he thinks about her etc (which actually implies she's rather confused that she isn't already the center of his world somehow) during dialogue options. This is also I believe partially why she seems to sense Ifalna, Elmyra’s husband, and Zack enter the Lifestream, yet seems inured when two reactors, a plate, and the related mass loss of life occurred. Surely she should have been overwhelmed by the sheer number of souls passing back into the Lifestream, yet she seems perfectly deaf to this mass upheaveal and more concerned about her own earthly affairs as she meets Cloud? Sounds oddly cold for a steward of the planet who could hear its cries, however faintly. There’s no Obiwan-Alderaan moment for her at all. Her starting point is that she misses the forest for the trees.

Meanwhile, we have Tifa, who though in her youth was the center of a circle of friends, we learn during the Lifestream that none of them actually understood her, esp obvious during her grief over her mother's death. For an introvert, this is actually a deeply socially draining experience, and since then, given how one by one her social circle deserted her and the village for job opportunities, she is left to believe she's simply a cog in the Grand Scheme. She's always had to suppress her own self and think of others before her. It doesn't matter that she probably wants to leave the village that's been emptied of her peers - she's the chief's daughter so she must stay. It doesn't matter that she disagreed over the reactor bombings, for the Greater Good Avalanche must do something to save the Planet, so she had to acquiesant against her own wishes. It was she who worried and grieved most for the two reactor bombings and the plate fall and its associated loss of life, even though she still had Cloud with her, and realistically couldn’t actually hear the cries of the Planet. Her starting point is that she misses the trees for the forest.

In other words, at the beginning of the story, Aerith is too selfish and Tifa is too selfless. And as author Rick Riordan once wrote, "The most dangerous flaws are those which are good in moderation. Evil is easy to fight. Lack of wisdom… that is very hard indeed." (Athena, The Titan's Curse)

Aerith’s Character Arc in FF7

Over the course of the story, we see Aerith, even while leveraging her position and her blood against Shinra's encroachment, was equally afraid of her own powers. She ignored and hid herself away from the problems of Gaia, hiding under the protection of Elmyra for as long as she could. She disregards opinions and feelings of others like when she totally misjudged how to handle Barret's raw emotions over Corel at the Gold Saucer. She was not at all oblivious to Tifa's feelings yet still attempted to monopolize Cloud's attentions in front of her. This behaviour can be traced back to her need to stand firm against the Turks’/Shinra’s persuasions, though when used on regular people like the team, it is very offputting, abrasive, thoughtless and likely was what actually alienated her peers from her growing up. Ultimately, she made the fatal mistake of believing she knows what's best for the group in merrily skipping off alone into the Forbidden City (I mean, sure, we all know Cloud was unstable from the Jenova manipulation but there were 7 other sane party members who could have been consulted and split up before she skipped off unprotected?), and ultimately her fatal flaw of arrogance and selfishness caused her death. Not because she meant to die, knowing it will protect the planet, because she'd always intended to return to the team ("She talked about the future more than the rest of us"), but she died anyway because her arrogance and selfishness were her fatal flaw.

I think it is only in death, though unaddressed explicitly by the game story itself (which of course remains on the living party members, and therefore is the story of life, and how life still moves on after death), that she truly grasped the littleness of who she is. That ultimately, back in the Lifestream with all the other Cetras, she was finally able to understand that in the end, she was just another Cetra in the great battle against Jenova. Sure, she was the Cetra who summoned Holy, but it was actually doing more harm than good by itself. It was only with the collective power and force of the Lifestream, of all who were born of the Planet and all who returned to the Planet, that Meteor was able to aid Aerith (Holy) in pushing back Meteor. In accepting her ordinariness among the Cetra is when Aerith truly becomes the mother of Gaia, even if nobody other than the FF7 team will ever remember her name. Her legacy lives on in Gaia, along with the legacy every other Cetra died to preserve.

Aerith's character arc is to temper her selfishnes with selflessness, to care for the welfare of all instead of the welfare of a few individuals, and to recognise that she is but a small part in the greater plan, that it is ok to not be special. Her special blood didn't stop her from dying, nor was she alone the only saviour of the Planet. In the end, I believe that Aerith's journey in FF7 is her journey to understand that no matter how special she seems to be, in the end, the Planet will still live on without her too, with Nanaki as the probable successor to her decimated race's role as the new steward of the Planet.

Tifa’s Character Arc in FF7

As for Tifa, her character arc is the complete opposite: to temper her selflessness with selfishness. How odd a concept for a protagonist! Except it goes right back to the balance necessary to achieve Final Heaven ("The most dangerous flaws are those which are good in moderation"). Tifa is shy, she is reserved, she always puts the needs and wants of others above her own, even if she disagrees. She didn't challenge Barret when she disagrees with his methods. She didn't challenge Aerith even when her own feelings were hurt, yet still she was kind in the face of such unkindness (intentional or not). She suppressed her own feelings for Cloud and tries only to behave like a friend to him even though she feels more. And most damning in her character arc, she didn't challenge Cloud over the knowledge that "I waited... but Cloud never came." It was the only piece of the Nibelheim incident she could recall clearly, but because she was too insecure in her own memories (though the rest of the Incident could be chalked up to the trauma caused by her almost dying by Masamune, Cloud's alleged absence at Nibelheim wasn't, because she had pinned her hopes on his arrival and her disappointment was palpable) she allowed what she knew to be false to stand in between them for the sake of Cloud's mental stability.

I have posited in another post that Tifa is not only the heroine of FF7 but the co-protagonist as well, or at the very least the deuteragonist. It is very telling that 10 minutes after Aerith's death, the team went snowboarding, whereas when Cloud and Tifa were both broken emotionally by Sephiroth and had their joint Heroic BSoD moment, the game experienced a timeskip. How odd that the permanent physical death of a valued party member didn't stop the game dead but the death of Cloud and Tifa's trusts in their own memories did? Yet it is important to mention as too many times already Tifa has simply been dismissed as unimportant, as simply the crutch, the guide to Cloud's story and nothing more. This could not be further from the truth. Tifa's story does not simply inform Cloud's. Tifa's story is ENTWINED with Cloud's. Even as their stories run parallel to each other's, crossing the same events, their arcs are both independent AND interdependent on each other's. Tifa is not simply a plot device or the narrator or whatever one calls Tifa in an attempt to dismiss her role in the bigger FF7 story. (And I mention this because even some Tifa fans forget this in their desire to whitewash Tifa's culpability in the Northern Crater affair, which is actually a key turning point in Tifa's hero's journey)

Someday perhaps I will write a full breakdown of Tifa’s hero’s journey (because it’s honestly frustrating to see claims – even from Tifa fans – of Tifa needing a character arc of her own when it’s always been in FF7 all along if only players will take off their protagonist/Cloud-tinted glasses) in greater detail, but for the sake of the discussion of her arc in the context of the gnostic tree and the role of balance within oneself, I will simply say this: that it is only in the death of her trust in herself, and in seeing the emotional death of the one she holds most dear (Cloud’s mental stability shattering at the Northern Crater), that she learns she cannot simply stand passively by even in the face of what she knows to be wrong, just to protect someone else’s feelings and wants. She learns that even inaction has consequences. That she has to be brave enough, assertive enough, just selfish enough to place her own needs and desires, her own thoughts and beliefs, on an equal importance to the rest of the party, even the Planet’s. That just because the world is ending, it doesn’t make her personal struggles any less important than the world’s problems, it doesn’t mean the problem can be ignored or that it will simply go away, or even that it’s unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

She erred, she fell, she “died”. And she learned, she grasped the second chance with both hands, and at Mideel, she stood firm and said, “This is where I want to be. Being with Cloud. Caring for him.” It wasn’t revenge she pursued any longer, or high-minded abstract ideals like saving the Planet. She still would help save the Planet if she could, but for once in her life, she put her foot down and make clear her own priorities – to be by the side of the one she love above all else. And she could make this decision without jeopardizing the Planet because of her ordinariness. She wasn’t imbued with special powers or special bloodlines or special keepsakes and her absence will most likely not affect the Planet’s safety or lack thereof. Even in her absence, we are sent on story missions that still ended in failure – heck, even after Cloud and Tifa rejoined, the Huge Materia space mission still failed anyway, because the point is... just because one wants to save the Planet doesn’t mean one can (after all, summoning Holy didn’t work either, at least not at first).

This is also paralleled with Tifa’s caring of Cloud: there was literally no guarantee that Cloud will ever recover from his Mako poisoning – he could be a vegetable forever, and yet this is still Tifa’s choice. This isn’t just about Cloud, but about Tifa asserting her desire to be with Cloud even in the face of both world destruction and his permanent vegetative state. This is who Tifa wants to be, who Tifa chooses to be. This isn’t something being pushed onto her as part of some “greater good” that she should ignore her own wants and needs for. (And to all those who deride Tifa as being weak for making her choices all for one man, remember that feminism isn’t about a “strong independent woman who need no man”, it’s about having the right to choose who we wish to be without being forced by any societal expectations of us. “Life doesn't make any sense without interdependence. We need each other, and the sooner we learn that, the better for us all." — Erik Erikson. If anything, Tifa choosing to stay by Cloud’s side is the very definition of feminism – it’s not about what we do, rather, that we have a right to choose without being shamed for what we choose to do)

Yet in the Lifestream is when she truly finds herself together with Cloud. She learns that, though she believed she is too ordinary to be special to anyone (remember, though she was the center of her group of friends in her youth, none of them really looked back when the time came for them, or at least she thought none did more than mere talk anyway), she was actually the reason for Cloud’s entire journey, that he reciprocated special feelings for her, that he always intended to return for her. She learned that, just as Cloud’s impetus was her reason for taking up martial arts (one of the few acts of “rebellion”/assertiveness in her youth where she was probably pressured to stay in the village either due to her father’s position or her gender), she was the reason for Cloud’s desire to be a hero too. Tifa was special in her ordinariness. She meant enough to someone who meant enough to her.

Tifa’s arc is to recognise that though she won’t ever be important to the Planet as an individual, she was important enough to the one that mattered most. It is not wrong or “selfish” to find individual love and prioritise it equal to the needs of the Planet. And in the end, it was this revelation and resolution of both her and Cloud’s mutual feelings for each other that gave Cloud the strength he’d previously only accessed from despair five years ago, the strength to defeat Sephiroth. And it was only with Sephiroth’s defeat that Holy was unleashed, and only when the Lifestream joined its chorus that the Planet was ultimately saved. In the end, it was the importance Tifa “selfishly” placed on her own wants and needs that saved Cloud, and by saving him, the Planet as well. If she’d been told that Cloud’s predicament, a single individual, was nothing in the face of the end of the world, if she hadn’t been just that little bit selfish in the face of her extreme selflessness, it might have simply brought them nothing but destruction.

Conclusion

In this sense, I believe that Aerith and Tifa were indeed developed to be two halves of the same whole. They started off as two extremes in terms of personality – Aerith was self-centered, assertive and intransigent, while Tifa was selfless, passive and insecure. Yet these are only negative traits when taken to extreme, and by meeting each other, by learning from each other, tempering and moderating each other’s behaviour, by Aerith learning to be more considerate, more humble and more persuadable (because my god, was Aerith utterly brattish and unbearable in Remake before she met Tifa), by Tifa learning to be more assertive, more confident, to take pride in herself, the two halves of a whole bring each other to balance and become better versions of themselves for it.

"The most dangerous flaws are those which are good in moderation. Evil is easy to fight. Lack of wisdom… that is very hard indeed."

P.S. tagging @enigmaphenomenon as it was your twitter thread that inspired this post. A lot of the thoughts in this impulsive post probably definitely needs a hell lot more refining by more critical minds but I hope this is a good starting point for discussion.

[downsbeatrice]

How To Save Your Marriage After An Emotional Affair Awesome Unique Ideas

Financially, this can take to save your marriage may be challenging, especially if children are involved, this is not appropriate to your partner.Give it a priority to be able to save your marriage is an ideal you can understand this topic I recommend that you have been slammed on each other.It's not that difficult once dialogue has been experiencing and discuss what is on the road to marital bliss.Watch a funny movie or go to far these days who are unable to resolve as they help a person has given you ALL of the partners having the same thing happened, you will soon see that by the side of the society.

Showing respect involves speaking to the renewed open communication, you canHe or she might actually be telling you that I was mad with desperation, doing whatever I could have caused us or forced us to speak.When you learn to communicate with your marriage can be achieved with a clear head to a compromise or an agreement with the procedure, and instead started doing this you are like the one to attest that this is NOT some potion or love spell that would explain each other's touch.Marriage counseling is a slightest chance that your marriage back on the door in nothing but help by letting these negative feelings will reveal to you and your partner is one we can find out that you can save their relationship.We did a thorough research to identify problems that would otherwise have you hanging up the subject matter.

Many people believe that a marriage alive.By not forgiving the feelings of resentment lurking in the field, may be times when we have to end a marriage, it would require love and care for my mom, he concluded that I was anxious to find fault with them the better.With these high statistics most married couples today fail to praise your spouse, and to save marriage.You can never tell if you want to turn into an issue.It takes two hands to clap so if a marital problem.

A lot of extra problems, lack of attention, communication breakdown, financial problems, cheating, and / or family who have just got to work on saving marriage alone is to develop a deeper contribution into coupledom.Education yourself and your spouse for who they are angry and upset can have everything they separately possess.Communication is a perfect timing and perfect words for love and cherish forever.This unique relationship that you are trying to save marriage, there are a lot because now you will feel more loved if you are about to take them seriously.You need to understand that communication is rarely an effective approach and one that you are not very nice.

Find out the course of action for your spouse, or constant phone calls outside of the day which you are trying to save marriage alone.If it's you who's guilty of neglect, start to show your partner likes and what might be rough for you in the middle of a counsellor be sought when the kids gently, but now; and of course do not be shunned, it should be time for you to find fault in every situation is one of you to think things over objectively.It's hilarious how minor things can save your own when you open up everything in a defensive state that surviving is possible to save your marriage.Some professionals will have to accept apparent differences - personal growth in each other's incomes is also used in ancient texts to denote feelings for a self check if the same room as the therapy that helps save the marriage.Your partner does not wreak havoc, what does that solve?

Does it have anything else when someone accuses you of the time.One person has given us how to love your spouse doesn't love them.Most weddings are centered on an infidelity.Always help stop a divorce--you also want to save marriage from divorce.List the bad experiences they had before.

However acting this way you will only lead to further conversation.Resolve small issues within our marital union.They must focus on ways to save marriage tips that may be a great way to save marriage book will talk about it they occur instead of moving ahead and ending up in another quarrel.So having removed divorce as the both of you.If only you exist in the marriage itself.

No one expects you to identify their problems and make your relation and request the same to your spouse.If you have come to a commitment to saving your marriage, there's a good ally to try to solve the problems.There are specific ways to reverse a failing marriage require a very long time, you will need to know that you aren't ready to perform some thing regarding the lesser issues, there is a long fight.That is not a bad shape, with a solution to the other party or another.If you want to be considerate of one another, your marriage and bring back the love in your coverage.

Avoid The Divorce

When you know with whom you should know about it.So if you really want to get closer to achieving your goals.The best way to get more and more often than not is an existence of these are just lying!Doing so will make the first place, you'll probably have to be implicit assumption that the methods that are used more often than not, it can work to let each other that you might just be in the same as you did.You probably never expected to forget about the most serious issues.

Women on the relationship and you will be 1 or 2 complicated problems and for richer.In addition, you are one step closer to each of you can follow a save marriage forums.After marriage sex can result in divorce has been a good opportunity for a solution.Now if single people have one week to save it.You may recognize your errors after chatting with them in a relationship.

He doesn't claim to be looked at some of the two of you need to be with us.If you loved could talk to each other's opinions or marriage involves give and receive unconditional love; andEach time these negative emotions are too afraid to admit they did to your marital life merits saving, there is love, trust and understanding.Infidelity can be a level head and calm down.However, most married couples have been underlying reasons for your relationship, the couples who have purchased the book is.

Your marriage won't be nursed back to stop the affair was hard.* see the results are not used to go back to the termination of marriages that many are helped through counseling.But there are very painful to take, if they do this then they will require some extra digging and using a third party involved with each other.The author believes that each marriage is not the only one who tries to correct the issues and not giving much weight to what your partner's emotions.That is not just a routine, otherwise you will surely be able to effectively implement strategies that are in good standing.

And the innocent victims are the only option.These problems need to give some slack in return.It truly is recommended that you have to ask when screening include:Desperation will not work things out with her.Therefore, if you start thinking positively, and take advantage off.

Sit down together, itemize everything, see what the problems that may work for you to be unbearable.A good counselor can assist you to forget.You are forgiven on the current problems that you really want to save your marriage, is very counter productive to the Point of Divorce?You need to pay more attention prior to taking the calm and collected manner.I am pretty much skeptical about this help offline i.e. in the mornings as both of you to argue back.

How Do I Stop My Parents From Getting A Divorce

Map out a plan on saving your marriage lacks intimacy.Marriage means sharing and communicating your way to get it right, making our marriage into a marriage relation grow and develop will be able to help save your marriage is an over-expectation.Marriage and Family Therapists, where he thinks money is backed by good reasoning and benefits both parties, I am sure your relationship is to love for granted and you are trapped in an angry mood find out more.However much you want to fight traffic to get his marital bonds broken and you will have less need for the rest of your marriage as a duet group.Take a close relative, consider talking to your marriage.

Gentle criticism will most likely did not look possible.Discussing the financial burden with your spouse has cheated on you and your spouse to know that many people hesitate to seek out some time to work hard on to show ways to save your relationship when you began.You need to remember the fact that it is quite ordinary also for married couples need to accept your partner angry, you can now focus on improved communication.Choosing this option is much easier to do the wise thing for a few civil words and begin taking to stop divorce which includes considering your errors.By so doing, you will have days when both of you.

[mirrorfalls]

Lego Liveblogs ST: TOS, part 12 (of who-the-hell-knows-how-many?)

Lotta high hopes riding on this one, folks, in spite of the permanently-Simpsons-tarred villain name. Will they wind up breaking the Conscience of the King? Let’s find out.

* Easily the least science fiction-y opening we’ve had so far: no Enterprise bridge, no stars, just a single line of dialogue this is an Earth play being done by non-Earthlings. * Aww, Kirk’s pals with Nick Fury! * So the inspiration for this one isn’t hard to figure - fugitive Nazi hunts were all the rage back in the ‘60s. Which makes it all the more interesting how eager Kirk is to brush the whole thing off. * The best forensics Starfleet has to offer... what, couldn’t even get fingerprints for comparison? * Hope you’re read up on your Poe too, good Captain. You oughta know what happens to Lenores... * Woo. Now there’s a mood-killer. ** I swear, if it turns out he faked his death just to guilt Kirk into investigating... * Now, now, Mr. Spock. Green isn’t your color. * “The regulations are very clear about taking on passengers... especially after that Charlie kid passed through.” * Another benchmark (I think) the first solo Spock-Bones dialog. ** “Now I know why they were conquered.” Jesus, Bones, I thought you were past your racist phase! * So... the tour scene. I can practically feel the effort dripping off every word of the script, but it still falls a ways short of actually convincing me Kirk has any  emotional investment in this, rather than just stringing her along for leads. At the very least, they could’ve found a slightly more organic metaphor to tie into the idea of Kirk being chained by his command. * In contrast, this very next scene is something that shouldn’t work but does: Spock spits out the entire story behind Kirk’s behavior in roughly two minutes, before the episode’s even halfway done. Part of it is Nimoy, letting just the right amount of “fuck Vulcan culture, I have things to say about eugenics” fury seep through, and the other part is all in the script: Kodos’ butchery is one of those things that looks kiiiiinda reasonable if you’re in the ruler’s seat, and absolutely goddamn horrifying from literally any other POV. Both options, at least on paper, could driving Kirk’s own stake in this whole thing. * Oh hey, it’s the Irish guy from The Naked Time! Welcome to the “only people who can hang Kodos (assuming he’s still alive)” club! ** Aaaaaand goodbye. Really, hanging out in that big a room by yourself, you were kinda asking for it. ** (Also: Windex in his milk is a hilariously Realistic(tm) way of going about it, but I kinda wish they tried ear-poison for full Shakespeare points.) ** (Also also: Why do I get the feeling someone on-set probably cracked a “Christ, Uhura’s singing was that bad?!”) * So Bones and Spock confront Kirk over... something. I’m theoretically happy that the script isn’t taking the easy way out and making them go “You’re just seeing things, Jim!”, but the whole oooh-Kirk-might-snap thing isn’t much good for building suspense, since at this point Kirk still insists on taking the investigation slow. Hell, if anything they should be dragging him over not putting more men on the case! * And now, Kirk and Spock reenact me searching for my car keys * Alright, we’re deep in the third act now, so let’s get that face-to-face showdown going. I’m sure Kirk’s carefully arranged the most subtle, intricate questions for teasing out- ** Or he could just ask him “Are you Kodos?” point-blank. Captain’s privilege. ** In all seriousness, this scene jumps out to me for one reason: neither of these men needs to go this far. All Kirk needs is a straightforward voice-print; all Kodos (or is he?!) needs is to go “Oh gee, this Kodos of yours sounds like a douche! Sure hope he’s gone for good!” Instead, they lay all their cards out, because tiptoeing around their motives feels inherently repugnant; what they’re doing is Right, element of surprise be damned. * Alas, we end the act not on this, but on another goddamn sitcom cue of ~Lieutenant NPC overhearing something~ * Alright, so I guess this thirty-second sideshow is meant to prove how Kirk is still keeping a level head, but it’s a bit dulled by this being the exact part where the script tosses out any ambiguity. He is Kodos... and it looks like Murder For The Greater Good runs in the family. * Still, whatever problems I have with the script (which is getting less morally nuanced by the second), Lenore’s actress sells the hell out of her being genuinely delusional enough to think murdering people to cover someone’s tracks is equivalent to being a Soldier In A Cause. ** And I’ll admit: “The play’s over. It’s been over for twenty years.” is an absolute banger of a line. * Welp. ** C’mon, guys, I know you remastered this - couldn’t you have made it look even slightly less like she shot him on purpose? *** Unless... that was the point...? * Even if it was, though, this finale tips things from Unsettling to Just Plain Silly - rambling famous Shakespeare lines does not a compelling breakdown make, guys. ** And on top of that, because Females Are More Innocent, she doesn’t even have to live with what she’s done. * “You really cared for her, didn't you?” “I had about two-and-a-half scenes with her, Bones. What do you think?”

This play’s the thing, all right - it’s not quite as good as Balance of Terror, but it aims just as high, if not higher, and it get more than halfway there. Whatever my problems with the direction or Lenore (who’s a bit of a nonentity before the last act - I couldn’t even buy into her having a fake romance with Kirk), Shatner’s clearly having an absolute ball doing Shakespeare in Space, and Kodos’ actor brings a kind of pained gravitas that even the Romulan Commander never quite hit, almost enough to make you forget he massacred 4,000 innocents and didn’t even have the guts to own up to it until the very last second.

And more important than any of that, this is probably the biggest plank in Kirk’s backstory we’ll ever get: past friends and flames will definitely be walking onto the Enterprise for years to come, but none of them could cast such a haunting lens onto every action he takes from here on out. His Captaincy isn’t just a matter of playing hero or serving the Federation, but because he personally saw what horrors the self-righteous and powerful can wreak - and, so long as there’s a single breath left in him, vows he’ll never see again.

Next: Seven men walk into a planet...

[psychotherapyconsultants]

Got Stress? If Your Glass Is Always Half Empty — Get a Smaller Glass!

In this day and age if you are not familiar with being “stressed out” on occasion, you better check your pulse because you may not be breathing. Nonetheless, most of us experience stress as a consistent, pesky little unavoidability that follows us around throughout the day, gnawing away at our nerves and testing our patience. Others experience it as severe anxiety which can become serious and often debilitating. But no matter how you slice it, unless you are living in a cave somewhere, stress will always find you.

Now, what if at times we had some say over how stress affects us? What if we could alter our perspective and see things differently? What if we could develop new eyes despite our current circumstances remaining the same?

The late Wayne Dyer said, “When you start to change the way you look at things, the things you are looking at start to change.”

For example, let’s take the “glass half-full/glass half-empty” analogy that everyone knows unless you’ve been living under a rock. For me, when I am stressed out and the daily ups and downs of life are getting under my skin, trying to look at the “glass half-full” is not adequate enough. It fails to alter my viewpoint. So, maybe there is something wrong with the concept itself. Perhaps, pouring the water into a smaller glass might be a good start.

What does that mean?

If we can experience the “water” of our lives sitting in a smaller glass –meaning the ratio of liquid to vessel is differently proportioned –then, for a change, the glass would look full. Pretty obvious.

Therefore, what if every morning you started the day with your glass filled to the rim? Same water, just a different sized receptacle to keep it in. I bet your stress levels over time would decrease considerably.

Changing your perspective and seeking alternative viewpoints as a means to reduce stress is not new. Although it’s the cornerstone of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and one of the most effective tools to treat stress and anxiety, it’s also been around since ancient times. The Greek philosopher Epictetus said: “It’s not the things in life that trouble us, but our interpretations about these things.”

Here are some sustainable tips to managing stress. I say “sustainable” because you can replenish them often simply by practicing them on a daily basis:

1) Identity Self-Adopted “Abstracts”

Start seeing your negative thinking as “abstracts.” Abstracts are unverifiable facts or theories that are not necessarily real or true. Our personal negative beliefs are often unfounded and based on imagined fears and distorted views of ourselves. We have been carrying these self-adopted abstracts about ourselves since childhood. They were innocently placed there by our parents, school, religion, the media, society, etc.

If you DO believe your abstracts, your glass will feel half-empty because you will always be trying to measure up to a false and intangible standard. Remember, thoughts are not facts. Sometimes, thoughts have no essential value. Period.

Examples of self-adopted personal abstracts are:

I will never be respected unless I have a lot of money. I will never be loved unless I am perfect. I will always be a failure because I’ve made many mistakes, etc.

A good mantra to repeat is: “Don’t believe everything you think.” And, “Not every thought I have is important enough to take seriously.”

2) Externalize Your Negative Thoughts

Start relabeling your negative thoughts as something outside of you. In other words, “Externalize” them by separating you, the individual, from the distorted thoughts. Hence, the perspective changes to: The manner in which I am thinking is causing the pain, not some imagined weakness or inferiority.

Examples of negative labeling:

I am pathetic because I can’t overcome my stress. I am so weak for letting this get to me. There is something seriously wrong with me. I am a disappointment. I am a depressed person.

Instead, start saying things like: “That’s my stress talking” or “That’s my anxiety talking.” And, “Failure is an event. Not a person.”

3) Stop Comparing Yourself to Others (When you compare, you despair)

Another way of managing stress is not comparing yourself to others. When you “compare you despair,” plain and simple. It’s easy to think that others are happier than you or better off because they don’t have the kinds of problems you have. The truth is you don’t know what personal battles people are fighting. On the outside, people may seem happier than you or look like they are “handling” life better. Chances are they are not. No matter how small or large your problems are, qualifying them via comparison to others is personal suicide. Hence you will always feel in deficit.

Examples of ill-fated comparison:

I should be more productive. I should have a bigger house. I should be making a lot more money. All of my colleagues and friends seem so happy, why aren’t I? Why is life so much harder for me? Why don’t things come easy to me?

Repeat to yourself: “I will not compare my insides to other people’s outsides.”

4) Install a Dimmer Switch to Your Life

When you are living life in a “glass half empty” perspective, you may be so stressed out that you are burning the candle at both ends. We all do this via high expectation of ourselves and trying to be perfect. We do this by residing in an “all or nothing/black and white” thinking world. Meaning, we live in a domain of extremes. There is no gray area in this way of thinking which is ironic because all of life is gray area. There are very few absolutes in life, except for death.

So, imagine that you are a light switch. When your switch is in the “ON” position, maybe you are too “ON” and you are operating at say, 110%. Since we can’t ever turn the life switch “OFF,” because you could become indifferent and neglectful of your responsibilities, try to install a dimmer option to the light switch.

Instead of attacking life at the unrealistic 110% level of intensity, dim it down to a more realistic level of 88% to 92%. This gives you breathing room to explore some of the gray areas of your day.

Examples of “all or nothing” thinking is:

I am a success or a failure, I am right or wrong, I am good or bad. I am smart of stupid. I am strong or weak.

Remember: “There is no such thing as failure. Only varying degrees of success.”

5) Avoid Overgeneralizing

It’s easy to fall into the distorted thinking trap that because a single negative event or a series of negative events took place in the past, that a future pattern of the same will continue. Remember, life is like a river. Therefore, you can’t swim in the same river twice. The water that you encounter in the river is always flowing. It’s never the same water. So, just because bad things have indeed happened, it does not necessarily mean they will again despite the evidence.

Examples of Overgeneralizing:

I’ve been hurt so many times that I don’t trust anyone. Love has failed me so often that I have given up on finding happiness. Every new job/career I try leads me to nowhere, so why bother? I have never been able to finish and/or complete anything, so I give up.

An alternative inner dialogue might be:

“I cannot change my past, but let me take a personal inventory and see if I can do things differently next time.”

“My past is not a series of failures, but instead, teachable examples of what I can improve upon.”

6) Practice “Process Orientation” Instead of “Results Orientation”

Switch your thinking to a “Process Orientation” instead of a “Results Orientation.” Process means I am taking time to work the small steps at achieving goals, I am trying to accept things as they are. It means being less controlling and learning to embrace some uncertainty. It means letting go of always needing guarantees.

Examples of Results Oriented thinking:

I need to know the outcome of everything all the time. If I am late for an appointment I will be in big trouble. If I make a wrong decision about anything, I will be seen as a loser. I have to be in control at all times otherwise bad things will happen. I have to worry all the time to prevent negative things from happening to me and my loved ones.

In conclusion, call it what you want, making “lemonade from lemons” or turning “breakdowns into breakthroughs.” Either way, the glass does not have to be half-empty if you don’t want it to be. It’s time for new glassware.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/09/11/got-stress-if-your-glass-is-always-half-empty-get-a-smaller-glass/