#you literally cant get hit more than once in a row or you need to start all over and that is just broken

[angrycasual]

Bound by flame is so frustrating because it could be such a good game if the devs had just played it a little before shipping it. There are so many little issues and the balance is, well, there's none of it. Nothing in the game was touched at all for balancing purposes. The dodge is a million times better than the parry and basically makes it obsolete. On console the fact that the parry is on a shoulder button that you can't remap makes that fact even more pronounced. The archers are so unbelievably overpowered it's insane. The arrows are aimed at you no matter how the enemy itself is positioned. The arrows go through walls and the archers themselves and enemies. The archers are always positioned in a fight so as to be impossible to sneak up on (and thereby take out before alerting the whole squad).

The shield guys are unbelievable overpowered. They are basically impervious to attack from the front and back, as well as the sides that should be undefended. Daggers cannot break shield, nor can your companions. Your two handed weapons can sometimes break shields, but the game decides when it wants to allow it. Most fights against shield guys goes --> kill everything else --> stand in place blocking while your companion kills it.

The companions are not created equal. Mathras and Rhelmar are literally zero help because not only can you not command them to block, but you can't tell them to fall back when they've taken aggro nor can you tell them which enemies to attack (ie archers and lower health targets) thereby making their impact nonexistent except in the most perfect of circumstances.

Every fight that's forced (mason's recruits, randval 1v1, captain 1v1) is needlessly frustrating because everyone does entirely too much damage and the terrain is specifically created so as not to help you. There's no cover, and in the captain fight the tiny tunnel makes the camera fight against you the entire time by making sure you can only see rock and wood. You literally have to use the meager sound cues or just guess to make sure you don't get hit, unless you make sure to stand on the edge of the cliff where there's no ceiling.

And then the perfect parrys and perfect dodges only hinder you, the absolute opposite of what it should do. In basically all the boss fights (the concubines and last boss especially) you need to try your hardest to not get perfect dodges, because the devs who must have played the game only on recruit, decided to have every perfect parry and perfect dodge have an instant counterattack. Which is so unbelievably not good (and actively is trying to kill you) because after most of all of the bosses attacks are followed up with more attacks, which you are immediately hit by because your character decided to get up close and personal when you desperately needed them not to. And god forbid this is an attack that knocks you down, making certain that your perfect dodge (which /should/ only be beneficial to you) gets you instantly killed. This means your only chance of not dying after accidentally perfect dodging is to increase your interuppt chance, and not only is interrupt chance difficult to get, but is in no world something that should be required after a perfect parry or dodge. During the last boss if I make the mistake of perfect dodging the dagger assault I need to face my character 180 away from the boss so the momentum of her attacks takes her out of the range of the boss, because if I allowed the counterattack I would literally, instantly, die. This is such an insane oversight I wonder at if this game was play tested at all.

And the end boss. Literally everyone agrees that it is absurdly difficult for no good reason. With 54% damage resist (plus her -25% damage due to poison), she halves my health in one hit. That's about 60 damage. there are no checkpoints, so don't die. Which means, don't get hit twice in a row, and don't let the dragon breath touch you for over 1.5seconds. You have no companions so not even an iota of extra damage or healing despite having a companion for the entirety of the game. When any game tries to emulate dark souls they always have the mistaken idea that difficult means unforgiving. And it is absolutely unforgiving. Stunlocks, wonky hit boxes, dragon breath having no visual indicator you're in its range, and absurd damage done by everything, is not only not a fun boss, but it's not well designed.

Any one of these issues would have been caught before release by people who cared, but because fun came second to trying to be stupidly difficult, nothing was fixed. And that is so frustrating when you can see the potential the game had. Basically, I think devs should always be forced to play their own game on their hardest difficulty before they're allowed to sell it, because otherwise you get frustrating, unfun experiences like this

[sanchoyo]

arc v ep 88-100 thoughts... cannot believe I hit ep 100 already. hell yeah

also my cat sat on my laptop and typed this while I was watching and its important I leave in HER thoughts too. she says: "4r4 rrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr4ggggj,"

ok now onto My Thoughts (which are considerably less Important than hers)

-ok shun leaping onto his monster to save a small child then everyone being like 'omg i cant believe he'd do that..wow…hes not so bad…' LIKE? YOU THOUGHT HE WAS HEARTLESS??? dude cares SO much hes been consistently trying to stop a war and find his sister and stuff??? jkdashkj (also it was just very dramatic and Cool and made me laugh bc he was SO serious and straight faced during the whole thing. nerves of STEEL)

-'i wonder if kurosaki is a lot like crow'….theyre both bird boys. theyre uniting to be bird FRIENDS and FIST BUMPED OVER IT WHY AM I TEARING UP. SHUN LOST WITH A SMILE TOO….im glad theyre friends and birds and birdfriends. even jack smiled over crow winning AAAUGH. STOPPP. too cute. didnt expect this ep to be so WHOLESOME

-the subs said smth like 'youre one of us' when they were through speaking (which is lovely bc they have a solidarity in that they both have causes theyre fighting for) but the more literal translation of what was said was closer to 'you're one of my/our friends now' from crow. Augh. AUGGH. ;_;

my god the sora meeting up with yuzu then their monsters working together (in an ADORABLE dance sequence) was THEE best thing ever like 2 eps in a row have been BANGERS and making me unlock new emotions. I love both of their decks SO much too????

screenshots that made me bawl my eyes out tbh. like I literally, actually cried a little JKADSHKFJ sora has FRIENDS for the first time and he LOVES THEM and they TRUST HIM he found the best friends ever and its SO tender. this is why I watch ygo btw. sobbing in the club rn.

-yuzu declares shes gotta save yuya bc he is, once again, locked up. girl boss protag! …of course tsukikage interrupted and tbh he and sora had Points abt it being better if sora goes and gets yuya since hes…yeah, trained for this kinda stuff but they all trust each other and the whole teacher and student thing with yuzu and sora…god theyre all so CUTE this is EXACtly what I wanted ;__; exactly what i NEEDED.

-yugo v serena started exactly how I expected jdshjk I LOVE how constantly Pissed serena is. shes SO blunt and I love her for it. (but also wARRANTED he got way too clingy fast and im sure thats Weird for her. gotta assume her and yuri werent…like, even acquaintances or anything by way she acts around the yu boys) she did make sure to let yugo know she expected a lot from him from his last duel which was Something. but my god yugo is SO in love with rin isnt he kjdsahkj hes got like that wholesome childhood friends puppy love, the way he imagines her, and its REALLY cute. cannot wait to actually meet rin…

-roget is so damn annoying that everytime he speaks i just hear the adults from the peanuts cartoons so i cant recall, but hes saying smth abt wanting serena to be a symbol for the commons and the tops and im like. he wants her and yuzu so academia cant have them and has his own plans for them, but. does he know WHY academia wants them? im gonna need him to share with the class. I still need to know too

-also its rly annoying that roget is cheesing the duel in serena's favor. but also I'm always rooting for the girls so like. i get it, but if shes gonna win I want it to be on her own merits yk… (rin seems so cute from the flashbacks also, she always WON IN THEIR DUELS?? GIRL IS STRONG IM EVEN MORE EXCITED TO MEET HER)

-yuyas thng where he can astral project (??) himself into his alt selves bodies is creepy and i KNOW its prob not supposed to be but it IS and I Dont Like it. Pls dont Dissolve yugo too like u did with yuto. maybe it only happens to them when theyre not in their dimension. maybe yugo will absorb yuya instead. I DOUBT it since yuya is protag protected but still

-….yugo being like 'no, i LIKE it that when youre in trouble the course changes and u get an action card!! its cool and a good thing!!!" OK FEMINIST KING JHDSKJF. hes great and I love him. (also yeah its not her FAULT roget is trying to give her advantages but id argue having yuya backseating on the duel is also kinda cheesing it for yugo so. theyre EVEN on the unintentional cheating)

-much as I hate to see her lose her attitude makes PERFECT sense given how she was raised in academia. duels are not Games to her, theyre tools, and she hates relying on whats basically handouts from roget to win or dumb luck. perfectly understandable and I appreciate her stubbornness and sense of honor abt it. but gotta agree with yugo that nah girl take the W if u can jkdhsjk. she ofc changes her tune later in the duel but Still

-oh my god yuri is HERE im going to PUKE just seeing his silhouette made me get so hyped up. i dont even KNOW him hes barely had ANY screentime but the way the other characters and even fucking roget hyped him make me like. dude u better be a hammy villain i have HIGH hopes for u. if hes good at being squirrely he WILL be my fav yuya counterpart EASY bc looks wise hes already my fav. pink and purple is unbeatable. but hes just STANDING THERE. MENACINGLY. with his lil bunny hair...tbh kinda cute.

-AWWW serena being like 'why am i getting kind of excited…' girl has had so little Hype in her life and this is def her first time hearing ppl cheer for her im gonna cry. id hype u up bestie ur SO cool and good at dueling….AND SHE GOT TO SAY LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THIS TIME. and SHE IS ENJOYING HERSELF GOOD FOR HER. I did kinda figure she woulnt win or go all the way (and I assume the same goes for yugo...) but. still very proud of her. and her and yugo had funnnn together ;w; yugo is lowkey befriending ALL the yuzu counterparts isnt he. king shit! love him!

-I know this shot of yuri standing is supposed to be menacing and threatening but he looks like a little. i dont know. like a littol kitty or perhaps a pug dog. he said :I look at him:

-btw why was he on top of the stadium howd he get up there. WHY IS HE STANDING ON TOP OF A MOVING TRUCK??? then he leaps OFF it and-- all the yuboys are so…acrobatic…I mean it makes sense if him and sora were both academia-trained but still...not Normal.

-oh…layra coming to save serena while reiji creates an opening for them and trusts his sibling to go do that…look at layras character development bc of jacks inspiration…layra got so vocal and seemed so confident IM SO PROUD OF ALL MY KIDS RN. SNIPED 3 COPS TOO. SO QUICKLY. it was barely a duel god damn. they are reijis sibling huh

-the way reiji keeps WINNING (also I love how his scarf defies gravity. very cool) roget is SOO mad and I love to see it. he said hes going to KILL REIJI AND THE COUNCIL? NOT DUEL THEM? KILL THEM OUTRIGHT? oh ok roget. sure you will when we have checks episode count at least …2-3 seasons left. sure you'll kill the sort of rival but not exactly character, who leads the lancers. I totallllly believe u ;)

-eeeeugh roget is so creepy 'normally i wouldve wanted to rework his (yuya) brain first but-' blah blah blah do you realize youre talking abt modifying a living person against their will. i mean hes already done it to every cop and sergey. but still. urgh creepy and bad.

-obv I know yuya will win the friendship cup stuff and duel jack. bc protag. but them pitting yuya v crow seems like swinging a bat at the hornets nest (the fandom) by definitively saying one is a better duelist and would win against the other…sjdhfkjn its the reason we dont get protag v protag duels in stuff like bbt n no conclusive winner to the judai v yugi duel i guess hahah. tbf this duel was p much all Thee Demon and not yuya, and fixed at the start so crow didnt do his 100% best on the first turn, and its not as if yuya planned to go thru with it at ALL bc hes got priorities, but ofc I figured thatd get dashed...despite their scheming...ugh. still a bit bummed. hope they have an earnest on screen duel fr before the end...

-I do love yuya and crow PLOTTING TOGETHER. thats great….schemers! also glad the whole 'crow thinks yuya might be working w the tops' shit was short-lived bc I knew crow wouldnt buy that

-sora…jumped onto a helicopter's wheel..and is just hanging on…his upper core and arm strength has to be INSANE what the HELL dude if u fall u will DIE dont DO THAT

-the silly music that plays when yuya brings out his hippos is such a bop. loveeee this ost

-….YUYA WAS GOING TO JUMP AND ABANDON THE DUEL TO GO TRY AND FIX SHIT. my god he was so close to breaking the unspoken ygo rule (protags always win tournaments) to ABANDON THE TOURNAMENT FOR THE SAKE OF THE PLOT!!! i cant believe it…roget stopped him with a BRAIN SHOCK??? he put some shit in his helmet :( at least its not IN HIS BRAIN I guess?? oh my god it increases aggression too. roget you are so so stupid man hes got a DEMON in his necklace or some shit you CANNOT be doing this its gonna come out and EAT you. or worse, eat crow who I actually like. i wouldnt MIND if it ate roget

-we then get a really cool shot of a red eye looking over a disintegrating city line. and all the yu-dudes have a Moment. uhhh safe to say this demon thats attached to all of them wiped out a fucking huge city or dimension/world? great. very cool. roget you dumb fuck youre going to cause the apocalypse or something

-the demon said fuck ya friends im winning the duel lmaooo of course its a demon with priorities to duel. classic ygo moment. the other yuboys are completely controlled and copying yuyas movements and their eyes are doing the Thing….ok, so the demons goal is 100% absorb all of them into one like what happened with yuto.. like to get the power of all the dimensions/their dragons all together? ? still like, doesnt explain why they all look the same or how the yuzugirls/bracelets are involved really, but im pretty sure thats the Idea right…starting to think we cant Friendship our way out of this and the demon might end up being. a real problem and not a Potential Bud. Sad

-'if he dies he dies' ok roget. youre horrible. VERY effective villain tho

-oh christ academia is here too rn? WORST timing. but im like. on the edge of my seat this is season finale worthy tension.

-btw this is a VERY funny screenshot. sora jumped from a helicopter WAY up in the air perfectly onto crows bike SOMEHOW without shattering all of his leg bones. what they dont tell you abt academia is that they replace all of your bones with a sturdy rubber so u can do unlimited parkour without hurting urself

-jack finally got up out of that damn chair he was so pissed crow lost jkdshjk. real. me and jack ALWAYS on same wavelength. twinsies <3

-yuya said FUCK the friendship cup im leaving for real this time. good for him. dip out and save ur friends. but you WILL be back to finish the tournament or so help me god. thats ygo LAW.

-genuinely didnt expect yugo and yuri to be SO funny when they interacted but my god i kept having to pause and laugh. but also…uhh…yugo really thought yuzu was DEAD?? he did keep sayin yuzu from heaven or smth along those lines BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS BEING CUTE AND CALLING HER AN ANGEL OR SMTH LIKE. AS A PET NAME. HE REALLY. THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD? 'then I suppose rin lives on in your heart too' BRUTAL. but I laughed. sjdfkjn

btw this?

sounded like a genuine laugh jkhdsfjk and was super cute. im...hesitant to say i SHIP any of the yuboys bc im terrified its gonna be smth like theyre bros. literally interdimensional brothers or smth insane like that. but. if that DOESNT end up being the case. cmon. look at them.

-the council being like 'hmmm hmm yes maybe we shall use sergey and make peace with roget afterall to get him on our side :)' and reiji looking PISSED. my god I would be too, hes done so much for you FUCKS. down with the council and roget and academia and the tops/police force in synchro. they ALL gotta go.

-….god tsukikage is the best isnt he. as far as he knows, the carding of his bro is like. equal to death (I know it cant be, no way we're losing that many minor characters FOREVER. just like im 100% sure yuto will Be Back or smth) and still, hes like no we dont hold grudges thats not the way of my clan. thanks for your help. to sora. very tender and sweet moment im so glad…..

-YUYA LITERALLY BUSTING IN ON A MOTORCYCLE. ICONIC ENTRANCE AND THANK GOD. poor layra had to fight waaay too long :<

-…shun is WAY too extra I LOVE him lmaooo he straight up started bodying ppl underground with his fists AGAIN the second he heard academia was here. gonna need a shun fight compilation or gifset immediately if such a thing exists. and if not I will MAKE it. bird of Incredible Violence

-the REVOLUTION IS STARTINGGGGG OK SHINJI LETS GOOOOOO this is awesome

-…my god the stuff with layra and serena turned into a clusterfuck SO fast. sora showed up to try and help. yuya showed up to try and help. then YURI SHOWED UP. AND YUGO. and yuzu, FINALLY. everything happens So Much. (and then fucking sergey too) everyone is kinda in One Spot huh…Bad Feeling abt This

-speaking of bad feelings. when all the yu's dragons came out! and they started talking about becoming one and saying shit like 'i'll be revived!' ok. so. yuya's demon is trying to resurrect itself and needs all the yu's to do it. bad! kinda suspecting yuri and yugo are gonna go to Spirit Town with yuto kjsdnkjn oh no. so its like. safe to assume this is some zorc type shit? the demon put pieces of itself into each of them? the dragons are like, the key to Waking it Up (which…yuya did get his mysteriously from pendulum stuff right. his DAD gave him the pendulum necklace didnt he. im SO sus abt his fuckin dad rn I dont trust him I KNOW how ygo dads Are. this is his fault somehow. he gave his son a cursed Amulet type shit)

-…and the yuzugirls all have bracelets that can detect and lead to the demon when its active? …does reiji's dad know this? and wants them all together and to find the demon? and assumedly put it back together/fuse the yuboys for world/dimensional domination? maybe thats why hes trying to fuse the dimensions together, so he can rule them All with Demon Power (tm)? cliche but thats my best guess… but like. if thst WAS the case he'd just need one of the girls bc yuzu could find yuya on her own? or maybe leo is actually…trying to STOP the demon thing and is going abt it in the worst fuckedest up way possible. thats also a possibility. but he seems like. he doesnt give a FUCK abt the yuboys at all and just wants the girls so??? do they also have a demon. doesnt seem like it but that would be sick af I think the girls deserve to go a bit feral too. as a treat

-if…fusing the yuboys is the demons ultimate goal its already halfway there LOL got yuto! doesnt explain why it would split itself across dimensions to be in them in the first place or anything or why itd pick yuya and his counterparts unless it chose them from birth or smth (which explains why they might look the same kinda?) (I am going to assume when we keep seeing that cityline being destroyed in yuya's vision, that it at one time was some big bad. so assumedly it got destroyed and maybe scattering itself was a last ditch effort in hopes of being revived?? or someone else did it??) also still doesnt explain how the yuzugirls factor in. im trying so hard rn to figure it Out. the whole 'we will be ONE AGAIN' thing did confirm a lot of my suspicions tho and if I was yugo and yuri id get the HELL OUT OF DODGE tbh

-also. the bracelets have teleportation powers. (yuboys specifically targetted during it…) what does THAT imply? that the dragons pull them together…and the bracelets are tools to keep them apart? from fusing? hm. so what im understanding is yuzu protag real

-earthbounds are SO cute I loved them in 5ds how is it fair that SERGEY has them. bullshit

-btw I appreciate how cute yuzu's prison jumpsuit is. shes just runnin around in a lil onesie doing all of this. I mean motorcycle suits are also onesies. this is the onesie arc

-why has the nerve gas on serena lasted so long. i feel like it shouldve long since worn off

-the entire duel between barett and yuya was 'tell me where yuzu is.' 'no' 'tell me' 'i..said i wasnt going to?' 'tell me' 'no' tell me' 'NO' 'oh shes here :)' 'FUCK' like for 20 mins I swear to god jasdfk

-they took serena nooooooo. sad :( I hope we can see a lil of academia and keep following her while shes there (and that shes not just thrown in a cell) oh!! i hope her and rin and ruri can meet up there!!! I want to see them

-SERGEY HAS DISGUSTING LEG…ENGINES??? HE FUCKING LAUNCHED OFF WITH YUZU. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. diGUSTING this man is nightmare duel what the hell. not my best girl :<

-layra deciding sora is a Safe Person and clinging to him…VERY cute ;_; sora once again being the one to go and try to save yuzu too…BESTIES.

-…the fact the duel arena is..empty bc the fucking revolution is happening outside LMAO even gon is like 'hey why the hell are they even continuing the tournament rn this is ridiculous' same dude!!

-holy shit jack is finally doing smth. jack is going to beat sergeys ass im so ready do it king. his cool as a cucumber disposition and pretty face are like. the only buffer I have to protect me from sergey

-choziro appealing to shingos EGO to get him to protect layra is SO funny. hes got NO braincells and hes the best for it

-ohhh the rain during the sergey v jack match. jack In The Rain while sergey DESTROYS THE ROAD. its so DRAMATIC and cool and I love this for him yesss show this guy how jack duels!!! #1 king of all time. hes calling him shit like 'fool' and 'buffoon' too such a jack moment. and 'if theres perfection, its ME' oh my GOD I love you SO much jack. pls.

-I need u all to understand ygo is My Sports Game I'm hysterical rn over jack slipping past sergey and then RIDING BACKWARDS TO FACE HIM. love when jack does that

-by the way, roget bringing yuzu up to have someone to monologue at? v funny

-jack caused sergey to have some kind of fucking…duelgasm which caused an Error. which is Disturbing I hate this dude TF. this is the effect jack has on everyone tho I guess

-ROGETS LITTLE 'SERGEEEEY!!!' SCREAM WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY I NEED A CLIP OF THAT HIS VOICE. LIKE. JKDFHKJ. hes LOSING his shit I cant stop laughing

-I Never Doubted Jack for One Second

-You Ever Have a Duel So Good You Kill Yourself After. ok. goodbye sergey. cannot say I will miss you infact I am very Relieved actually

-…by the way. does jack know anything abt whats currently happening with the plot? im sure he at least knows abt the revolution but does he know abt the lancers/academia stuff? hes been on his Chair most of the time so I assume Not which is very funny. this random dude just dueled him, turned into a bike, then killed himself after and jack is like. well ok. JKDSHFKJ

-some rando street dudes killed sergey actually. but he was def falling on purpose. either way. watching roget LOSE it is so funny his plan has sucked ass from the start

-shun scooping layra up was really cute. Scooped

-HOLY SHIT YUZU. SLAMMED INTO ROGET AND HE HIT HIS HEAD ON THE EDGE OF HIS CHESS TABLE. i LOVE how shes consistently been a Get Shit Done girl even when shes cuffed rn. she said ya im gonna go steal his broadcast and get MY message out

-jack said for sam to tell yuya: Yuya Im Fucking Disappointed in You. Stop dueling like a Damn Animal. and this is enough to make yuya actually remember his goals. and run to the palace to duel jack again. to stop the riots and shit with a Duel. Good

-reijis smile when layra ran and hugged him PLS. cute

-the council finally gets fucking Told by Reiji. 'those who sit on the sidelines have no right to speak about the future' hey reiji youre the best (and his whole speech was REALLY good)

-shun and his Flock of Birds comes to Help. why is that so funny and kinda sweet. hes gotta STAND on his too while it flies like a drama queen

-the tournament was basically canceled bc we didnt get the semifinal duels BUT we are getting jack v yuya anyway of course as the finale…is it bad I still want jack to win? I want yuya to be fine with winning so long as it makes ppl smile bc THATS his main goal and jack is a symbol of hope for the ppl in this city…so I want jack to Win…again…but this is a duel for yuya to redeem himself after losing to jack the first time isnt it. aah

-'i declared martial law!' 'no you dont' thats basically what the council guy did kjshk

-lancers beating cops up together in the stadium :) on live tv….fun lil friend group activity aw…

-JACK SMILED WHEN HE SAW LAYRA DUEL IM ACTUALLY EXPERIENCING CUTE AGGRESSION BC OF JACK

-by the way can roget even duel. he hasnt, hes just had other ppl do it for him and been hellbent on KILLING ppl when it comes down ot it. which is. weird and funny for a ygo villain ur not even gonna duel for urself dude? do u even have any cards

-radish horse is such a cute card btw. all of yuyas cards are p Cute.

-im SO glad jack said 'dude STOP with your fathers words and speak with YOUR OWN WORDS' tbh real and true.

-…the subs this ep abruptly changed rogets name to roger….lol roger. (and the font changed between episodes which is like. Why did you do that. I cant focus on anything else now that its Weird)

-the sound gons shoes make is like asmr to me. clank clank clank :)

-I like how jack basically teaches yuya his own will can be learned from others but duels are conversations and u gotta use ur own 'words/will' to convey what youve gotten from everyone youve dueled before. its like. abt appreciating and carrying ppl before u with u. and gratitude for everyone whos taught u smth put towards achieving ur own goals. dueling for others sakes. very cute message and true bc yuya wouldnt be able to do half the stuff he can w/ pendulum if it wasnt for his buds yk

-omg jack laughed and was smiley :) yayy

-the clown guy from 5ds made a cameo! still dont remember shit abt him besides the fact he has a Clown Wife and is on arc v money…?? Ok

-ok the end of the duel was pretty cute im not even that mad abt jack losing. bc jack was happy…it makes sense too. when ur the king it can be BORING if no one challenges u or whatever

-not a huge fan of the cops magically bein buds now but fine, I get it was mind control making them suck ass and this is a more idealistic world

-the..council disbanded? cool. the upper class will dissolve and the lower class will be able to live better…very optimistic happy ending…and it all happened very fast, compared to the pacing of this arc so far tbh??? like. ok guess nothing is bad and everything is Fine Immediately! (this is a thing every ygo series does tho so. not a total awful thing I cant look past, but it did give me kinda mood whiplash)

-yuzu and reiji calling roget out!!! reiji must be so damn tired of adults not taking responsibility!!! his whole thing is just running around cleaning up after grown ass men!!!

-im tired too, reiji. tired of yuzu being a Damsel to Roget. let her DO more next arc or so Help Me God

-next episode(s) are supposed to be watched together in a HOUR LONG SPECIAL ohh. inchresting

-love how even tho they were also going w yuya to where reiji and yuzu are, heaven FORBID crow and jack ride in the copter with yuya. no, they HAD to ride their d-wheels here.

-holy shit. so. tsukikage and sora DID win the duel against roget! and so did reiji! hes just! a fucking cheating bastard! like 'neverending duel that wont end ever until u quit' ok…that does fit rogets character LMAO hes a WORM. of course I trust reiji to be the one to be able to Beat The Bullshit

-roget is such a fuckin slime trying to turn the lancers against reiji and reiji countered his logic with ONE sentence lmao. also reijis lil smile when yuya said he trusts reiji :( sweet…

-ohhh…yuya and yuzu hugging and crying bc they FINALLY got each other back…tender…

-roget says he'll drop everything into the void between dimensions. So there IS a void. did I not say in one of these posts I think the yuya demon crawled out of a void in between dimensions. now we have confirmed such a space EXISTS… will I Be Right? :3c

-….roget got sucked in and the portal closed. lmao. is he DEAD? goodbye forever (hopeful)

-…fuck. the wormhole also took yuzu, yuya, gon, shun, and shingo…. to xyz dimension!! yeahhh heartland!!!! LOVE IT. KAITO TIME??? prayin its kaito time.

-'the capital of despair, heartland' is the ep title. oof. heartland looking rough :(

I will say its funny (in a horrible way) they took the Cheeriest Setting (heartland) and did this to it. and that gx setting which is also pretty chill (a school setting...) and made them fucking interdimensional warmongers. and 5s, the canonically most gritty setting was Not Involved like until the lancers showed they were the neutral ones hahah

-arc area project!!! we havent gotten a name for leo's lil 'unify the dimensions' scheme yet until now! so…arc is in the name. back to my og theory the name arc v means more than fifth series in the ygos. and like. theres (5) dimensions for Sure right. (or, the unity of the four would be the fifth?) hm. Thinking

-shingo asking the real q of why the hell turning ppl into cards/waging war on xyz would help fuse dimensions. i also still want to know. (we keep seeing the shot of leo feeding the cards into a machine, so..hes using…soul/ppl power? to power it to fuse the dimensions?? dude what good is ruling dimensions if NO ONE is left in them???)

-…a lot of this two parter was flashbacks/recapping stuff. I…kinda appriciate the earlier flashbacks but god it could've went faster.

-KAITOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! OF COURSE YOU WOULD SHOW UP ON EPISODE 100!!! SOOO HAPPY TO SEE U :D zexal is the series I KNOW the most like its engraved in my brain, unlike 5ds where I barely remembered enough to be able to tell all the ways its an au, so im gonna be fucking ON IT trying to figure out stuff Now. also, is kaito the only zexal character? why? dont two gx charas show up? and we had jack and crow in the synchro world?? zexal shouldve gotten 2. I vote akari bc 1. she didnt get enough screentime and we always need More Girls 2. she can ride a bike so if they go back to synchro shes set already 3. she kicks ass and is a reporter so she could be trying to report on the war/document it. 4. her and melissa could be reporter gfs. im RIGHT hear me out.

-oh at the end of the ep there was a promo for dsod? this came out around then?? wow thats wild. I saw that movie in THEATERS when it released in the us. very fun. the nearest theater that was showing it was 2 hours away lol. we should have another ygo movie. pls. (maybe not another dm one tho…)

[jamesvanriemsdyk]

it's loving my friends hours, folks

hi so. i hit 1.5k a bit ago and while i dont want to do a follow forever (did one for 1k, it took so fucking long), i do want to like. talk about my friends! because i love them. so here we go, time for emo hours here at james jamesvanriemsdyk dot tumblr dot com

to all of the people ive met and talked to in the past few months: i am so grateful to have met you. i am so grateful to be your friend, whether we talk every day or not, and it is such a huge fucking gift to know you and be known by you. i would give you all a little paragraph but then i would get out of control and this post would never end because i have a lot of fucking love in my heart okay??? i love yall a whole hell of a lot ( @goaliehugs​ @farfrombucky​ @andrewcogliano​ @couturriere​ @brockmcgrinn​ @boesersson​ @steadyfreddie​ @nicolasaube-kubel​ @alexvass​ @beauvilliers​ @girouxes​ )

to all the mutuals i see in my notifications a lot (and the ones i dont), the new followers and the old ones, all my super sweet anons, anyone who’s tagged a post with a lovely comment or who’s messaged me with sweet words: thank you. for just like - existing in the same timeline as me, and being wonderful, and choosing to be kind even though im a clown. i love you all a lot.

to @heckeyleague​ @iceburgh87​ and @assistantcaptainmitchmarner​ : im so grateful we still talk, if only every once in a while, and if only through streak snaps. it’s been, what, how many years? four? more? i look forward to snaps of your pets and the little glimpses of your lives i get every day. i love yall to pieces.

and here we go:

@fireworksatdawn​ : hi jayc. its, like, really hard to believe that ur essay comments on my fics led to this but - im really grateful. just, really fucking grateful. youre so kind and so loving and such a wonderful presence in my life and im so grateful that once c*vid has died down, we’ll, like. be able to see each other? fucking wild. thank you for all the fic convos and the tswift tiktoks, and the memes when im sad. i love you a ton, and im so, so glad you’re my friend. shoutout to philly as, like, a concept for giving me all the emotions i needed to write my heartbeat fics. (im still emotional about the fact that you tell me ‘its late for you, go to bed’ every time i stay up past 10pm. its the being known for me <3)

@pencilhoarders​ : my favorite flyers art witch. what an incredibly kind, talented soul you are. what a beautiful heart you have, really and truly. i love listening to you talk about your ideas and seeing your art process, and i love that your mind works like mine does, and that we really do understand each other. i love that you’re going after your dream and i know you’ll be incredible at whatever you decide to do post-grad - you’re simply too amazing not to be. thank you for sending me those anons about the canes what feels like forever ago; i am so fucking glad i get to call you my friend.

@majorpenalty​ : you are, without a doubt, one of my most favorite people ive ever met on this site. your life is fucking wild and you are so funny and kind and resilient, and i never want to not be your friend. i love losing my mind with you for five to eight hours on zoom, i love just being able to just exist with you even though we have half a country between us. you are so intelligent and strong and lovely, and you deserve every single good thing in the entire world. thank you also for sending me those wild ass anons, and for sending me all the videos of you singing trap bunny bubbles and tswift on snap (we have the yellow heart now uwu) and for just - being there and understanding. you are so brilliant and i cant fucking wait to watch you continue to grow and succeed. i love u so fuckin much.

@softgrantaire​ : hi, alex! kiss the cats and your baby for me and tell your husband i said hey. also, sorry in advance for how long and sappy this is about to be, because im already choked up thinking about it! so: i would not be the person i am today without you. its been a literal month since we became friends, but i literally have never felt more immediately loved or accepted by anyone in my life. you are, probably, the reason i felt comfortable enough to change my name in public; youre the first person i told i was deeply uncomfortable with my name and you changed it immediately, without fucking blinking, and i knew trans friends hit different, but i didnt realize how different it would hit til i met you. and its not just that, either, its the kindness and the trust and the mutual respect, and the pics and vids of jules and the cats all day, its being genuinely excited to see your name pop up on my phone screen, its the voice messages on my way home from work and its the sound of you laugh and the comfort that exists in the little space we’ve carved out for ourselves. i love being your friend, and i love that you’re my friend, and i want us to be that for a long, long time -  ill always be the nolpat to your g. i love you so fucking much, dude.

@codyglass​ : ngl, i typed your url and just like - froze, for a minute. because like. how do you talk about a friendship like this? how do you put it into words? how do you describe all of the laughter and the tears and the years we’ve had together? its the kindness for me, its the communication and comprehension for me, its the unconditional love for me. there isnt a place i feel safer than our friendship; there isnt a person on earth i love like i love you. thanks for all the late nights, all the massive fic concepts/outlines we’ll never write but always find solace in, for all the nolpats roasts, for all the hockey tears and all the real life tears too. for listening to folklore with me for the first time when it dropped, for understanding when i couldnt turn it off for weeks after, for getting the days i send you 30 messages in a row and the days i cant get out of bed. it’s so fucking insane that we’re friends, still - how fucking incredible is it that i met my best friend, who lives 1846 miles away from me, through fucking hockey of all things? youre the best gift life ever gave me, and its such a fucking blessing to be alive at the same time as you, much less to be your best friend. i love you to the moon and to saturn.

[willykappymarnsmatts]

Wrong Direction: Chapter 2 (K. Kapanen)

@moriellymakesmesoft

“I just got off the phone with Max,” it's been two weeks since I've moved into Will’s place, my stuff still in boxes all over the apartment.

“Oh?’ William responds, tossing me a smoothie from the fridge as we get ready to go to practice. I still go to sleep in tears and wake up with puffy eyes, but Willy makes me feel like everythings going to be okay, if not today then someday soon. “How is he?”

“Good,” I tell him, scratching at the back of my neck, refusing to look up at him knowing what comes next. “He asked me to come stay with him. Well, he didn't ask. He's kinda forcing me.”

“Oh,” Will says. He turns around and faces me with a look on his face of a mix of betrayal and hurt, and it makes me want to burst into tears. “Um, well, are you gonna go?”

“I have to, babe. He's my brother, and he said that if I don't come by myself he'll pack my things for me the next time he comes to Toronto.” I feel bad, but I do miss Max.

Willy just frowns at me. “When are you leaving?”

“Uh, tomorrow. He said he'd buy me a plane ticket.”

“To Montreal?! I could drive you!”

“I know, its okay. He’s the one paying so I don't really care honestly. Don't we have to get going?’

“Yeah,” he giggles, glancing at the watch on his wrist.

On our way to the arena, I take deep breaths to try to calm my racing heart and shaking hands. Seeing Kasperi this often still hurts just as bad as seeing him in bed with that girl. But the whole situation has given me a lot of inspiration for a new song that i've been working on, bouncing ideas off of Will day and night.

He notices my agitation and reaches over to grab my hand. “After this, you won't ever have to see him or me ever again.”

“Hey, don't say that,” I pout. “I'll be back and i'll move back in with you, if you let me, in a couple months. I just need a break from Toronto. Everything I know is laced with memories of him. I can't even enjoy your games because he's there.”

Will nods without looking away from the road. “You're always welcome at my place. We’re all still really pissed at him, you know. Mitch hasn't spoken to him since that night, and you know how Mitch is. Auston doesn't even look at him, and Zach’s only talking to him because he feels bad that everyone is making every effort to ignore him but me. The whole fucking team loves you, Y/N. Oh, and Derms took a slapshot at his ankle the other night and he had to sit out for an entire period.”

My eyes are brimmed with tears and I have to look up at the ceiling of the car to keep them from spilling over. “Can you let the guys know i'm leaving? I'll obviously talk to them, but I don't want to be the one to break the news to them.”

Will nods. “Of course.” he smiles at me then and looks away from the road for a split second to wipe away a tear.

•••

I sit in the third row to watch the boys’ practice and try to continue writing, but the yelling and pucks hitting the boards constantly is distracting, so eventually I give up and watch them skate. During a water break, I catch myself watching Kasperi. All he does is take a few deep breaths, but watching him like this, as if nothing ever happened, makes my heart shatter. Before I can look away, he looks up at me and I watch his entire face fall. He stares at me and I stare back. He studies me, as if to memorize me. I can't look away, and he refuses to skate away. He continues forward, until he's at the boards and we’re a few feet away from each other. Neither of us can pretend we weren't looking at each other. He stops, and so does my heart. And we just watch each other. Just stare. My heart is breaking with every moment that passes, and my stomach hurts, because he was my everything.

A whistle blows. Kasperi whips his head around. The sounds of the rink come back into my ears, and we’re both taken out of the world where we were the only two people who existed. He skates away, glancing back at me once before never looking back at me again.

•••

“Y/N,” Willy says as soon as I answer his facetime call. I've been in Montreal with Max for about two months and I released my song about a week ago. Wills is driving back from practice, which is when he gives me a rundown on how “incredible” he was and how he's gonna kick ass at the next game. But today he looks anything but confident, his forehead a mass of worry lines and his mouth turned down into a frown.

“Y/N, your song is saved on my playlist, and I got the aux this morning. After practice, it came on. Most of us were singing, and I glanced at Kap, and he was just sitting there in his stall. He wasn't moving. Just staring straight ahead.”

I sit up. “Woah, slow down. I thought Kasperi and I were finished.” When I moved away, after the day at the rink, Will told me that Kasperi stopped seeming to care. He was out with a different girl every two days, bringing random girls home every day of the weekend. It still hurts, but it hurt more to realize that our entire relationship meant nothing to him. But if Will is telling the truth, which I don't doubt he is, it makes everything a whole lot more confusing.

“I thought so too, but listen. I think that it was your voice at first, Y/N. He hasn't heard your voice in months. And then he heard the rest of the song, he listened without moving, and as soon as it ended he got up, in just his slides and shorts, and fucking left the room.”

I'm silent, letting Will talk. “The rest of us didn't know what to do, so I tried to follow him. I found him in the weights room, and he was in tears.” Will flicks on the turn signal and turns onto his street, then glances at his phone to see if he should continue the story. I nod at him, holding my breath to keep from breaking down at the thought of Kasperi.

“I went to him and sat with him, and he just cried. I haven't seen him cry since he thought I was getting promoted to the bigs and he wasn't. But he was sobbing. So I sat with him, and eventually he calmed down enough to choke out that he misses you. He told me the girls were a front, and that he hasn't been able to sleep ever since that night. And, Y/N, I dont think he's lying. His eyes always have huge bags under them and he's so shaky. So I asked him why he did it, but he didn't have an answer. He said he missed you and he felt like you didn't love him anymore because you were always out doing stuff for your album, but I told him that was bullshit and he said he knew it. He told me he can't breathe without, and that he hates that he hurt you. So I told him to talk to you, and he said he'd try to text you later today.”

“Damn,” I respond, not sure how to feel. “I want to love him again, but I don't know if I can trust him.”

“You don't have to. He knows he hurt you, and that he has to work to get you back, but I am asking you to please just try to talk to him, because fuck, Y/N, if there’s a such thing as soulmates, it’s you guys. You're both in so much pain. Take your time, keep your walls up, but just talk to him.”

“Okay. Okay, fine.”

“Thank you, beautiful best friend. I'm home now, so I'll call you back in a couple hours?”

“Yeah, that’s cool. See ya.”

He ends the call and I'm left in silence. Then my phone dings with a text notification in my hand, and my heart picks up speed. I know exactly who it is, and I don't want to look at it, not right away, so I throw it across the couch with a pillow on top of it.

I put my head in my hands and try to slow my speeding heart by taking a few deep breaths. “Fuck!” I yell, then silently thank Max for going out a few hours ago. I wipe my face with my hands and sit straight up.

I stare at the pillow my phone is sitting under, knowing without ever checking that there is a text from Kasperi Kapanen waiting for me. My phone dings again and my heart jumps. I stand up and rip my phone from under the pillow.

‘wrong direction huh’

‘i miss u’

I cover my mouth with my hand and my eyes brim with tears. I sit back slowly onto the couch and read over the messages two, three, four more times before unlocking my phone and tapping on the text bar.

‘Dang, how'd u know it was abt u?’

I smile slightly as I type out the message and hold my breath when I hit send. I don't have to wait even a second before the three bubbles come up on the screen.

‘no idea’

‘ig im just tht good’

I laugh and type out another response.

‘Imyt. How r u?’

I bite my lip when the text bubbles come up, and a few seconds later his response comes.

‘could be better tbh. can’t sleep @ the apt nymore so i spend the nites b4 games @ 1 of the guys places’

My breath catches at the words. Then another message pops up.

‘im so sry 4 everything’

I bite my lip and close my eyes, taking a breath.

‘Thx. I havent stopped thinking abt u’

‘me neither’

I take another deep breath. Kasperi was my favourite person, my person, for so long. It's scary how easily we can fall back into simple, comfortable conversation, as if nothing ever happened. So I decide to be straight up and honest with him, and if he really does still care about me, he’ll understand.

‘U broke me, Kasperi. I never thought tht u would hurt me, and u literally broke me. I miss u more than nything and it hurts so bad to b without u, but seeing u in bed with another girl, tht broke me. It felt like our whole relationship was built on lies, and tht u never actually cared abt me. So yeah, i cant stop thinking abt u, and i want to b able to love you again, but u broke my trust and idk if ill ever trust u like i did before.’

I hit send and feel like I'm going to be sick. Everything I type I’ve told Will and all the other guys, but after the day I left the apartment, I never spoke to Kasperi about anything. The three bubbles come up on the screen and I hold my breath, then they disappear. They come up and disappear a couple more times, until a message finally pops up on the screen.

‘i wish i could take back everything i ever did 2 hurt u, but ik its not tht ez. i rly do want 2 fix this, tho. would u b down to ft l8r?’

I can't breathe, but I manage to type out a response without screaming.

‘Sure. Just text me when ur ready’

I take a deep breath and click my phone off. I'm about to get up when my phone dings again. I glance at the message and it makes my chest feel like it's going to explode.

‘ok i will <3’

I smile down at the screen and go to plug in my phone so it's charged when Kasperi wants to call. I really don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again, but the least I can do is give him a chance to apologize. He's already broken me so badly, even if he lets me down again nothing will compare to the amount of hurt I’ve already felt.

[1dliveshere]

The Last Summer ch 5

Two days had gone by and it was still super awkward in the bus. Everyone was uncomfortable with what had happened. Harry hadn’t spoke to Kayla since the big blow up. She had tried to but he just would shut it down immediately.

It had been raining literally all day. They had plans but because of the rain it was ruined.

“Why does it have to rain all day?” Maya whined.

“Because Mother Nature decided to ruin our plans.” Louis sassed.

“Louis can you please take a break from sassing today? My brain can’t take anymore.” Eleanor groaned.

Most of the bus chuckled but Louis looked high offended.

As silence overtook the bus, Harry randomly swerved sharply. Sending stuff flying everywhere.

“What the freak dude?! Watch where you’re doing you moron. You almost killed us. Gosh I can’t stand people sometimes.” Harry continued saying stuff under his breath about how idiotic people are.

“Uhhh Harry maybe you should take a break from driving and get some sleep. You haven’t slept much for this whole trip.” Liam suggested.

“Fine. But I’m only letting Kayla drive.” Harry looked at Kayla in the rear view mirror.

“Uhh I guess I can.” Kayla nervously but her lip.

Harry proceeded to pool on to the side of the road and hopped in the passanger seat.

“Okay when we get up here you’re going to have to merge on the interstate.”

“Oh so now your talking to me.”

“Baby I’m sorry. It just really messed with my head. When they started talking about it again it just made it feel like it had just happened and I couldn’t think straight.”

“I hope you know I didn’t mean to let it slip. When Gigi came out of the bathroom I just freaked.”

“It’s okay love. I still love you.” Harry leaned over and kissed Kayla. “How about we park the RV somewhere and have a picnic just you and me?”

“That sounds lovely”

“Okay now that you guys kissed and made up, Harry go to sleep you’re being a butthole.”

“Louis I just told you to chill your sass.”

“Sorry love. I cant help it.” Louis cheesed at Eleanor.

As they were approaching the interstate Kayla was a little nervous as she had never driven on it.

“You mean to tell me in your 18 years of life you have never driven on the interstate.”

“No reason to judge Harold.”

“I’m not judging just shocked is all.” Harry chuckled “Okay so you’re gonna speed up starting now.”

“Harry I can’t do this.”

“For the love of Pete please do not kill us!” Hollered Alyssa.

“Uhh who’s Pete?”

“Niall now is not the time to ask stupid questions. I’m trying to not kill us.”

“Babe I know you don’t want to do this but you’re gonna have to get over at some point.”

“Here’s goes nothing.” Kayla looked over her shoulder to see it was clear.

“AAHHHHHH” she slightly turned the wheel and merged onto the interstate. “Harry I did it!”

“Good job babe” Harry chuckled.

“Thank you for not killing us.”

“You’re welcome Louis.”

As the after noon rolled on no one really did much. Kayla continued on the interstate headed towards Chicago. While some of the others watched a movie and chatted about life.

“-and then Niall literally fell on the ground he was so scared. It was honestly the best moment of me life.” Alyssa had tears streaming from laughter.

“Babe you said you weren’t going to bring you scaring me up again. It’s embarrassing.” Niall pouted

“Oh whatever. It’s hilarious and you’re adorable Ni”

As the bus was overtaken with silence Louis’ road trip play list played the same song for the 4 time in a row.

“Louis I’m playing my music now. I literally can’t listen to this song again or I might kill myself.” Eleanor marches up to the front of the bus and plugged her phone in hitting shuffle.

“AHHHHHHHH” all the girls screamed as ‘She Looks So Perfect’ started playing.

“Turn it up Kayla. It’s the boyssss.”

All the girls, minus Kayla because she was obviously driving, started jumping around.

Then the chorus hit:

“You look so perfect standing there

In my American Apparel underwear

And I know now, that I'm so down

Your lipstick stain is a work of art

I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart

And I know now, that I'm so down” all the girls were literally screeching so loud that they woke Harry up.

Harry looked around at all the girls and chuckled to himself

“What are you staring at Harold?”

“Alyssa I swear I’m going to disown you as my friend if you call me that one more time.”

“Oh whatever” Alyssa sarcasticly rolled her eyes, “you know you love it”

“Okay so there’s a Verizon in Chicago that we can stop at to get Alyssa a phone. Is that good with you Louis?”

“In all honesty I forgot I even threw her phone out the window, but yeah that’s okay with me”

“Louis you amaze me sometimes.” Alyssa laughed.

***

Two hours later and Kayla was still driving.

“You know babe you are honestly a pretty good driver. I should let you drive more often.”

“You definitely should” Kayla looked at Harry, “ are you reading my romance novel I brought?!”

“Maybe...”

“Oh my gosh guys Harry is reading a romance novel”

“Awww Harry who knew you had such a soft heart. Maya squeaked.

“Okay that’s it I’m done” Harry through the book back in Kayla’s backpack.

“Okay I’m getting sick of driving. So I’m parking in this field and we can have our date Harry”

“Can we order pizza?”

“Sure Niall.” Harry gets his phone to call it in.

“How are you doing to tell him where we are parked?” Kayla asked, “kinda difficult when we are in a field.

“Why don’t you just drive a little farther and park in the Walmart parking lot”

“Once again Louis you had a good idea. I’m starting to think it was a good thing that we brought you” Eleanor laughed while Louis pouted.

As Kayla pulled into the Walmart parking lot the pizza man was driving away.

“NOT THE PIZZA. KAYLA HIT THE BREAKS. WE ARE GOING TO MISS THE PIZZA.”

“Niall sit your butt down and chill”

Instead of doing what he was told Niall jumped out of the moving RV started chasing the delivery car waving his arms and screaming.

“PEOPLE REALLY NEED TO STOP JUMPING OUT OF THE MOTHER FREAKING MOVING RV”

Kayla finally found a good place to stop and pulled over as Niall was sprinting back to the RV.

“How’d you get him to notice you?” Harry looked at Niall.

“Well you see.... the dude stopped at the stop sign and I jumped on the hood of the car.”

“Niall, you didn’t. Like how am I with the most embarrassing person?” Alyssa wheezed she was laughing so hard.

“Hey at least we got the pizza. Just be thankful.”

“Okay, Kayla I got everything ready, should we go my lady?”

“Yes as long as you never say that again” Kayla chuckled.

As they left the RV to have their picnic in a Walmart parking lot in the middle of Missouri the rest of the group got their pizza and settled down for a movie.

“What do you think Kayla and Harry are talking about?” Louis wiggled his eyebrows.

“I hope they make up all the way so it stops being awkward because I can’t handle another second of being on this bus with them.” Gigi flopped down on the couch with her pizza.

“Agreed”

***

“Babe I hope you know I’m still so sorry about being a jerk to you. I love you more than anything and didn’t want to hurt you.”

“I know Harry, it’s okay.” Kayla smiled up at her boyfriend of two years.

“I know love. You’ve said that ten times now.” Harry chuckled. “ I did have an idea though to make it up to you.”

“Oh really?? What would that be?”

“Well while you were driving I looked over an noticed a huge sunflower field about 10 miles from here. I know your favorite flower is a sunflower so I figured we could all go on a group date or something.”

“Oh my gosh Harold. That’s amazing!”

“Thanks babe. I thought it was too”

Kayla chuckled. “But seriously we are going to have to go to a laundromat somewhere because all of my good clothes are dirty.”

“You and you’re clothes Kayla Boydston I swear will be the death of me.”

“You know you love it” Kayla leaned in for a kiss.

***

After their date was over Kayla ran into the RV screaming.

“WE ARE GOING TO A SUNFLOWER FIELD TOMORROW SO WE ARE GOING TO FIND A LAUNDROMAT TO CLEAN OUR CLOTHES. SO WE CAN LOOK HOT AS HECK.”

All the girls started screaming and running around collecting their dirty clothes.

Soon Harry was driving around a tiny town looking for a laundromat.

“Wait I see one” Liam pointed from the passenger seat.

“Thank gosh. I was starting to thing I would have to wear these sweatpants tomorrow and that’s not a good look”

“Louis since when do you care what you look like?”

“I always have boo” Louis winked at Eleanor.

“I think I just puked.” Alyssa stated.

As they stopped in front of the laundromat everyone piled out with their arms overflowing of dirty clothes.

“My question is how the heck did we go through this many clothes in 4 days.?

“Well that’s what happens when someone spills their drink all over you” Kayla eyes Louis.

“I’ve said this once and I’ll say it again. It was not my fault. Blame your boyfriend who can’t drive.

“Says the one who almost hit a tree two weeks ago.”

“GUYS! Can we just go in here and get this done.” Alyssa yelled.

As everyone went into the laundromat the atmosphere changed. The group who was once happy and looking forward to tomorrow was tired and all around grouchy.

“Guys am I the only one that feels like this trip isn’t worth it. Like I mean Alyssa’s parents literally disowned her.”

“No you aren’t the only one I totally get it. Maybe we are wasting away are lives”

As silence overtook the room the only thing you could here was the slight sound of water swishing and the gentle tumble of the dryer.

“You know what screw this! Why are we all sitting here groaning about this trip. This trip is our last one before we go off to college. Instead of being grouchy and acting like butts we need to make this trip the best thing ever.” Alyssa got up and marched over to the speaker that was sitting in the corner and plugged her phone in. The first song that popped in was, ‘Year 3000’ by the Jonas Brothers.

“Oh my gosh I haven’t heard this song in forever.”

“Oh my gosh let’s GOOOOO”

Everyone jumped up and starting dancing around the room. Screaming the lyrics at the top of their lungs.

Quickly their moods lifted. As everyone looked at one another they realized truly how much this trip meant to them. Here they were after being friends anywhere from 7 to 3 years, on their last vacation as teenagers before they go to college. They were so thankful for this trip and each other.

After spending two hours in the laundromat they were finally back on the bus. They ended up just deciding to lock it up and sleep in the parking lot.

As everyone was falling asleep, Alyssa and Kayla were still sitting in the front of the RV.

“I’m so sorry excited for tomorrow.!”

“Me too Alyssa! I feel like we all need this!”

“We got to look fly for pictures”

“You know it boo” Kayla laughed.

Little did they know that tomorrow would change one of their lives forever. Or maybe both of their lives?

Well this chapter was pretty chill. Wonder what will happen that will change their lives?? 😜

[avvidstarion]

For the album ask game... how about The Black Parade?

oh ABSOLUTELY. i LOVE you. this is all subject to change at the drop of the hat bc im wishy-washy and i love all of these songs anyway so

this got WAY too long so i am putting it under a readmore shhvkldlkdgjlkdsj

not including b-sides:

1. Teenagers- kind of a basic pick i know, BUT, in my defense, the song slaps. it’s such a fun song, especially when you’re singing it at the top of your lungs. the guitar part is super cool too- im trying to learn it rn but it’s a slow process bc im bad at guitar.

2. Mama- what can i say. it fucks. the old time-y feel, the harmonies/background vocals, the layers. the guitar goes so fucking hard. banging lyrics- “you should’ve raised a baby girl, i should have been a better son”??????? songs to be trans to.”but the shit that i’ve done with this fuck of a gun” is the kind of lyric that you can only properly convey if you’re screaming it at the top of your lungs. the whole ending is just. mind blowing

3. The End.- LISTEN!!!!!!!!! the end is WAY TOO FUCKING UNDERRATED!!!! oh my goddd i love it so much. i love it SO much. it’s such a perfect beginning to the song. the lyrics are great (”now come one, come all, to this tragic affair” if you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, you can find out first hand what it’s like to be me”, “another contusion, my funeral jag. here’s my resignation, i’ll serve it in drag. you’ve got front row seats to the penitence ball, when i grow up, i want to be NOTHING AT ALL!!! SAVE ME!!! GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!! SAVE ME!!! TOO YOUNG TO DIE, AND MY DEAR!!! IF YOU CAN HEAR ME JUST WALK AWAY AND TAKE ME!!). the bit with the snapping and the ooooohs is fun too. such a good song, it could honestly be 1 or 2 but my ranking system isnt based in logic and makes no sense to even myself

4. House of Wolves- house of wolves was my favorite mcr song for a good chunk of time, but as a result i’m kinda burned out on it, which is why it isn’t higher.  however it is still number four  because it’s objectively a fucking amazing song. the guitar is so fuckin fun, the lyrics are great, and it’s just. fun to dance around and sing it at the top of your lungs. you better run like the devil cause they’re never gonna leave you alone!!!!! tell me i’m a bad, bad, bad, bad man!!!

5. Welcome to the Black Parade- the big man itself. the titular song. their biggest hit. a lot of people shit on wttbp for being popular and, like, pretty much the only song of theirs to ever be on the radio anymore (and even then it’s once in a blue moon), BUT. it got popular for a reason. it’s a really good song. i love the structure of it, i love how it builds and builds and builds. the lyrics are wonderfully done- “a world that sent you reelin from decimated dreams/ your misery and hate will kill us all”, the whole “do or die, you’ll never make me” stanza is The Ultimate rallying cry. and the “im just a man, i’m not a hero” is just. ughghghdlkslakdjglsdkg. the titular song of an album entirely about death and dying and misery being SO hopeful and SO upbeat really portrays the album as a whole much differently- mcr is known as The Emo Band because, yeah, their aesthetic is dark and their songs touch dark stuff but they have never been all whiney and boo-hoo-y and melancholic for the sake of melancholy. there’s always been a positive note to their music and a lot of people just don’t get that which makes me sad. anyway. wttbp is fun and i like it and i like the drums and the trumpets at the end. marching bands fuck

6. Blood- ok so the pattern here seems to be that i favor the fun songs over the slow ones, and blood sticks with that. much like with mama, i love the old time-y feel. i love that this is like a fun little bonus ditty to end the album on. the lyrics are silly and fun and jovial, and the piano is great. love it and it makes me happy

7. Disenchanted- OUGHH. OUUUUUGH. i know cancer is objectively the saddest song on the album, but disenchanted just hits different. “when the lights all went out, we watched our lives on the screen/ i hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene” just DECIMATES me, man. the acoustic guitar is a nice change of pace, and the vocal performance is just. so fucking emotional. especially the “woahhhhhhhh-ohs” at the end. great song, makes me Feel Emotions

8. The Sharpest Lives- ok so i know this is pretty much in the middle of the list, but i want to stress that i dont hate any of the songs on this album, so even the middle of the list is pretty fuckin good imo. the sharpest lives makes me go batshit.  the lyrics are so fucking wild. “a light to burn all the empires, so bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be” is SO fuckin sick like OH my god. what a line. also “there’s a place in the dark where the animals go/ you can take off your skin in the cannibal glow/ juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands/ drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, romeo” like WHAT?????????????? GERARD POPPED OFF W THIS ONE FOLKS!! also i love how at the beginning the whisper-y vocals bounce from ear to ear. also “so why don’t you blow me......a kiss before she goes” is fuckin hilarious. honestly this song should be higher but i havent gone through a phase where i’ve been obsessed w it yet so it stays down here for now. one day it will take hold and be all i can listen to for a month straight and THEN it will climb the ranks. 

9. Cancer- makes me cry like a liddol baby. my mom doesnt let it play in the car cause it makes her too sad. twenty one pilots covered it and it was FUCKING AWFUL so the song is kinda ruined now cause i can only think about their shitty cover. like the AUDACITY. but anyway besides that the song is heart wrenching and amazing. the hardest part of this is leavin you!!!!

10. Dead!- look, i know technically the end. and dead! are the same song/ are just continuations of each other but i’m listing them separately bc dead! is, to me, the worse of the two. not that it’s bad or anything, it just doesn’t pop off the same way the end. and all the songs before it on the list do. however i do love the guitar at the beginning and the solo, and the “one! two! one two three four! LA LA LA LAs” are super fucking fun. 

11. Famous Last Words- i used to hate this song!!!! i truly did!! it’s obvs not on the top of my list now or anything, but i have grown to appreciate it a lot more than i used to. like with wttbp, it is the silver lining of the album that betrays its optimistic side. it’s a happy final message to a dark album. the ending is fucking amazing. I am not afraid to keep on living!!!! i am not afraid to walk this world alone!!!!!!

12. Sleep- Sleep is, unfortunately, just kinda boring in comparison. i almost forgot to even put it on the list. however, i do like the “the hardest part’s the awful things that i’ve seen” and the “a drink, for the horrors that i’m in. for the good guys and the bad guys, for the monsters that i’ve been” lines. also the “three cheers for tyranny, unapologetic apathy!” line. but overall it’s just. eh

13. This is How I Disappear- i have. complicated feelings on tihid. on one hand, it reminds me of my favorite oc, re, and is on their playlist. on the other hand, i have grown bored with it over time. it just doesn’t stand out to me at all really. that being said, i do really like the “who walks among the famous living dead” and the “can you hear me cry out to you” stanzas. 

14. I Don’t Love You- while i dont think idly is a bad song at all, it just simply isnt my kind of song. i do think gerard’s vocals are extremely strong throughout, especially during the “when you go, would you have the guts to say/ i don’t love you like i loved you yesterday” line. like wow ok maam please continue. but overall i just dont vibe w breakup songs bc i cant relate

including b sides: 1. Heaven Help Us

2. Kill All Your Friends

3. Everything else

4. My  Way Home is Through You

my reasoning: 

heaven help us is tied for my favorite mcr song Of All Time. everything about this song is catnip for lil old me. the angsty christian imagery, the vocals, the guitar. all of it. the lyrics make me lose my mind, especially the “will you pray for me? or make a saint of me? and will you lay for me? or make a saint of- cause i’ll give you all the nails you need/cover me in gasoline/ wipe away those tears of blood again/ and the punchline to the joke is asking ‘SOMEONE SAVE US’” and the “you don’t know a thing about my sins/ or the misery begins/ you don’t know, so i’m burnin! I’m burnin!!!” parts. like i absolutely vibe with this song so fucking hard. i sing it constantly, it’s great to sing (very stimmy for me), it sounds beautiful. i am obsessed with it through and through

similarly, kill all your friends also speaks to my very soul. i can’t pick favorite lyrics bc id just have to copy and paste the whole song. i love the build-up, i love the time progression throughout the song (it’s been TEN FUCKING YEARS since i’ve been seein your faaaaaace rounnnnnd heeeere), i love the “you’ll never take me alives”. literally everything about this song makes me emo. it just Gets Me. it’s literally about my greatest fear. all my friends growing up and moving away and getting on with their lives without me, leaving me to rot in my hometown waiting for them to return. we only see each other at weddings and funerals, so it’s time to kill all your friends so we can party when the funeral ends!! it’s probably tied with heaven help us, but i’m putting it at number two just because it didn’t hook me as strongly as hhu did. it’s more of a strong, steady favorite than a “this song has latched on to my very soul and i have to listen to it on repeat over and over and over again”, if that makes sense. it’s still in my top 5 mcr songs though

i never vibed with my way home is through you. i don’t listen to it often, and i just don’t really feel it. it’s not bad, it’s just. eh.

anyway if you’ve read this far down i love you so much. thank you for listening to me ramble, mcr means a lot and i love to infodump about my music tastes. i really really appreciate being given an opportunity to do so <3

[texanredrose]

Kindred Ch 2

This chapter brought to you by Moonwatcher13! Thanks buddy!

Winter cursed under her breath as she got out of her car, reaching down to pull on the hood tab to pop it open. By the smell of it, she could tell she’d gone far too long without an oil change, but it wasn’t until she yanked- using all her body weight and strength- her dipstick out to find it bone dry that she realized her understatement. That didn’t bode well at all; at least she’d made it back home before anything too detrimental happened.

Getting it started that evening, however…

Dragging a hand down her face, she sighed heavily, the weight of everything sitting on her shoulders almost crushing and exhausting her purely through the circumstances alone. She didn’t have the luxury of wallowing in the frustration of too many bills and not enough money, though; her daughter was waiting. Summoning her focus, she marched up to her apartment, closing the door behind her softly. Her sister had some sort of early meeting today, meaning her girlfriend would be looking after Penny until she arrived and the slam of a door could be painful to her sensitive hearing.

Of course, she could never be silent enough to escape the notice of her daughter, though.

“Mom!”

“There’s my angel,” she said, a smile on her lips as she knelt down and gathered up her daughter in her arms, pressing a kiss to the top of Penny’s head. “Were you good for Aunt Blake?”

“Uh huh!” Little arms wrapped around her neck, giving her a fierce hug before Penny began to squirm, apparently ready to return to the ground. “Right, Aunt Blake? I was real good!”

“You absolutely were,” she said, coming out of the kitchen as the smell of freshly brewed coffee began to waft through the apartment. The Faunus had already changed into her work uniform, a simple black coverall with a white overall for her name on the right side of her chest. While she didn’t do any actual automotive work, the uniform seemed mandatory even for one who worked the counter. “Now go finish your breakfast.”

“Okay!” 

Scampering back to the dining room, they both kept pleasant expressions on their faces until she’d disappeared. However, once she’d gone, Winter leaned back against the door and stared down at her feet. “Thank you, Blake. I appreciate your help.”

“It’s no trouble, really.” Even though the words remained unsaid, she could hear the breath the Faunus took in preparation before letting it go. 

When she’d moved to Vale, Winter made it expressly clear that she didn’t want her decisions to impact Weiss in any way, despite her sister’s insistence that they could move in together. Weiss had her own life and while her help was invaluable, she’d imposed enough and would never be able to repay it; she’d given up and forsaken plenty in her life, but she still had her pride. Raising Penny herself was her decision and she wouldn’t put her sister in a position where she didn’t have a choice whether or not to help.

“You should probably get to work.” Winter winced, not wanting to ask but also highly aware of her reality. “Also, would it be possible for you to give me a ride to work tonight? I’m… not sure if my car will start.”

“What’s wrong with it?” Blake tilted her head, feline ears canted forward a moment before her expression sharpened. “I understand you prefer handling problems yourself but I literally work for an auto shop. If there’s something wrong with your car, I’m sure my bosses will let you use my employee discount.”

Pushing off the door, she moved towards the dining room- really, just a nook that fed into both the kitchen and living room, hardly big enough for the four person table that she owned, with its scratched table top and wobbly legs- and checked on Penny, who was doing very well in finishing off her cereal. She’d even drank all of her milk. That brought a small smile to her lips before she returned her attention to Blake and lowered her voice.

“There’s no oil left in the line; it’s all burned up. I’ll need at least five quarts and a new filter. But it’s not that expensive and I’ll go to the store while we’re out for our walk.”

“When are you going to give your car an oil change yourself, Winter?” Blake set her hands on her hips, a stance she’d adopted from Weiss for exactly this circumstance, it seemed. “I know you won’t accept money from us, we’ve both fought that battle with you already, but this is about your time. You hardly get four hours of sleep; are you going to sacrifice even more when there’s a perfectly logical solution staring you in the face?”

“And what is that?” Frustration colored her tone, conscious effort necessary to keep from raising her voice and alerting Penny to the argument. “I’ll not have you deceive your employers by saying it’s your car needing the oil change.”

“Fine, then let me go into work and tell them the situation. If they agree, you can meet me at the shop.” Crossing her arms over her chest, the Faunus’ ears twitched, a clear sign she was doing her best to hold in her frustration as well. “They’ll probably knock it out before we close up or first thing in the morning; either way, I’ll be your ride to and from work today and tomorrow. Weiss was going to watch Penny tonight anyway, so there’s nothing to worry about there.”

Part of her wanted to object on principle. So much of Weiss’ and Blake’s lives were dictated by her current financial position; it wasn’t fair to either of them but they refused to simply let her struggle in silence. “Ask. If your boss says no-”

“I’ll still give you a ride and we can pick up the oil on the way back in the morning,” the Faunus said, raising her hands in a placating gesture. “I’m not trying to force your hand, Winter, but you have to be reasonable. There’s no reason to force yourself into a bad position- or an even worse one.”

With a sigh, she nodded, heading into the kitchen by way of the dining room so she could press a kiss to Penny’s head in passing, smiling at her daughter while making herself a cup of coffee. Hopefully, they wouldn’t spend too much time expending a lot of energy today. “Say bye to Aunt Blake.”

“Bye bye Aunt Blake!” She jumped down from her chair, quickly running over for a goodbye hug which Blake returned.

“I’ll see you later, Penny.” Then, the Faunus collected up her bag and left, closing the door behind her for Winter to lock.

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Can we draw today?”

Winter chuckled. “Of course we can, Sweetheart.” 

She took a sip of her coffee, silently sighing in relief. In the back of her mind, she noted that all the drawing and coloring they’d been doing would mean she’d need to stop by the store and get Penny more crayons. 

Ultimately, she just needed to sit down and reexamine her budget. Living paycheck to paycheck frustrated her greatly, of course, but that provided no excuse for failing to provide for her daughter.

---

Yang hit the buttons to open the garage doors while finishing off the last of her morning protein shake. They still had about an hour before the front office opened but she’d woken up a bit earlier than normal and opted to head into work so she could finish up that engine rebuild from the night before. Aside from the alternator they were waiting on, that meant they had a pretty clear schedule for the day, a string of simple fixes over the past few days giving them a bit of breathing room. On the one hand, a lot of small problems were quick to fix and quick to get paid for, but on the other, the bigger projects consumed more time but usually came with a higher price tag.

Tilting her head to either side to stretch out the muscles, she ducked into the garage office, setting down her protein shaker on her desk. Ruby would probably remind her to clean it up at some point, invoices littered across the top of it just below the picture frames she kept. A few fast food bags lay crumpled and shoved onto one corner because they’d forgotten to take out the trash two weeks in a row. She’d make sure to get it tonight.

By the time she made it back out to the garage, pulling her gloves on and setting her safety glasses in place across the bridge of her nose, Yang found she wasn’t the only one in the shop, and she had to raise a brow. “Blake?  You’re in early; I thought you were helping your sister-in-law.”

The Faunus offered a small smile and a shrug, ignoring the slight misnomer. “Well, I’d planned on having breakfast with my girlfriend before coming into work but… I kinda have a favor to ask and didn’t think it would be a good idea to be late.”

“What kinda favor?” Heading over to her workbench, she pulled out her tools from the nearby box and got to work on the engine rebuild.

“My girlfriend’s sister, she needs an oil change, bad.”

“How bad?”

“Bone dry.”

Immediately she winced, not looking forward to what sort of damage might’ve been done to the engine. “Yeesh. Yeah, tell her to bring it by, we’ll knock it out today. Not much of a favor.”

“Well, it might have to be tomorrow morning; she works the night shift and I’m going to be her ride to and from work.” Although she had her work to focus on, Yang could hear Blake moving around and preparing the auto shop to open for the day. “That is where the favor part comes in.”

“Helping a friend isn’t a favor; it’s being a friend.” Chuckling, she paused and made a motion with her hand. “Look, do what you need to do and the oil change is on the house, no worries.”

“That’s another thing; I can almost promise she’ll insist she pays something.”

“Well, it’s my shop, my rules, so she ain’t paying a dime.” Yang paused. “Or she’ll pay one dime, if she insists.”

“Can you fight that fight without getting me in trouble? It’s still my girlfriend’s sister we’re talking about.”

“Leave it to me, Blakey.” Doing the math in her head, she figured even a bone dry engine wouldn’t cause too much trouble. “Hell, if you wanna bring her in earlier, we don’t have that much going on. Probably have it done before she has to leave for work.”

“I’ll offer but that depends on whether or not Weiss is out of her meeting. She’s… got a busy day today.”

“That’s fine, just let me know; I’ll take care of it myself, okay?”

“You got it.”

Shaking her head, Yang got back to work, absently greeting her sister when Ruby came in a bit later. She got completely lost in the project as time passed and hardly registered Zwei coming to lay at her feet, having spent the night with her sister. Although she took the brunt of his care, they agreed to share him between their respective apartments, both wanting their independence after working side-by-side all day but also not willing to give up their dog.

Unsurprisingly, he never complained.

“Hey, Rubes?” She called out when she reached a stopping point.

“Yeah?”

Looking over her shoulder, she flashed a smile. “Remind me to give Blake hell later. It’s been two years; she needs to marry that girlfriend of hers.”

Her sister laughed. “Will do!”

---

Penny bent over the little desk Mom got her, working to furiously finish the drawing she’d started before Mom put them both down for a nap. Even though she should’ve probably slept, she didn’t feel tired, so she snuck out of bed earlier to work on her drawing a little more. Mom probably wouldn’t like that if she knew; naps were so Mom could sleep without worrying about what she was doing, but Penny always got back into bed before Mom woke up or one of her Aunts arrived. Then, she’d pretend to wake up while Mom got ready for work. One day, Mom would let her stay awake while she slept, but until then, Mom needed to sleep as much as she could, regardless if she felt tired. As long as Mom didn’t wake up to find her out of bed, she wouldn’t get in trouble.

The doorbell rang and Mom went to answer it, meaning she probably didn’t have much time left. She really wanted to finish this one before Mom went to work.

She could hear Aunt Weiss’ voice, which was weird because usually she wouldn’t be here this early, unless they were having dinner together. Oh, maybe this was one of those special occasions where Aunt Blake’s work let her go home early and she was on her way!

“Sweetheart?” Mom came back into the room, wearing her work clothes and kneeling down. “Mom has to go to work early today.”

That was exactly the opposite of what she’d hoped, turning to look up with pleading eyes. “But Mom!”

She felt bad immediately, seeing the way Mom’s expression saddened as she coaxed Penny into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry, Sweetheart, but I have to drop my car off so it can get fixed. That means I have to leave early and I’ll be home late, but Aunt Weiss will watch over you, okay?” A kiss pressed against the side of her head and she tried not to cry. She didn’t like when Mom had to work more; she worked so much already. “Be good for Aunt Weiss.”

“I will.” Mom started to stand up but paused, obviously looking at the drawing. “It’s not done yet.”

“Can you tell me what is it?” Mom had that look in her eyes, the one that said she was a little bit worried but not in a way she’d be willing to talk about- at least not to her. Aunt Weiss would probably ask about it, though.

“It’s the house we’re going to get,” she said, pointing out the features proudly. “Here’s your room, and here’s my room, and Aunt Weiss and Aunt Blake have their own house over here, and we’re happy.”

Mom pointed to one of the other features. “What about here?”

“That’s the doghouse, ‘cause we’re going to have a dog one day, right Mom?” She’d seen a lot of dogs- people would walk them outside all the time- but she wasn’t allowed to get close. The only one she’d ever gotten to play with was Zwei, Yang’s nice dog, so she colored the dog house like that, black and white.

“One day. A big yard and a dog to play with, I promise.” Mom smiled and pressed another kiss to her forehead. “It’s a beautiful drawing; make sure you put it up on the fridge when it’s finished, okay?” 

“Okay. I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, Sweetheart. Now, be good tonight and I’ll see you in the morning.” Standing up and wincing slightly, Mom left the room.

“Yes, Mom,” she replied, trying not to sound as sad as she felt. As much as she hoped they could have a house of their own one day, what she really wanted was her and Mom being able to stay home for a day. No work, no meetings, no waiting for someone to show up and ask her questions, just her and Mom.

And maybe a dog.

“Penny?” She looked up, trying to hide her frown away as her Aunt came into the room. However, Aunt Weiss always seemed to know when she was sad. “Come here. It’s okay.” Getting up from her desk, she went over and gave her Aunt a hug, feeling her fingers card through her hair soothingly. “You know Mom wishes she could be home more, right? She doesn’t want to leave you.”

“I know.” Penny hugged her Aunt even tighter.

Then, Aunt Weiss picked her up, rocking her gently while leaving the bedroom. “You know, when I was small, your Mom used to do this for me. We’ll curl up on the couch, watch cartoons, and in the morning, we’ll see about going for ice cream, the three of us.”

“Mom’s going to be tired, though.”

“Not if we meet her at the ice cream shop. Maybe Aunt Blake can join us, too.”

That brightened her mood slightly- at least enough that Aunt Weiss thought she was in favor of the plan. She still hoped one day Mom wouldn’t have to work but expected it to be a while yet before that dream could come true.

---

Yang cursed under her breath, leaning back from the engine and stretching her back. She’d just spent the better part of the past hour getting the rebuilt engine set back in place and hooking everything up properly and figured it’d be a good time for a break. Not only would her back thank her but she’d heard the jingle on the front door a few times, which meant they probably had a car or two waiting for something simple; with Blake handling the front office, Ruby had to do most of the parts running, which meant no one else was working on cars. Usually, they weren’t busy enough for it to be a problem, but business had picked up recently and she’d considered hiring a dedicated parts runner to keep up.

Grabbing the rag sticking out of her pocket, she started wiping her hands while striding towards the front office, whistling along to some pop song on the radio. All in all, a pretty good day; she’d knocked out a few inspections, oil changes, a tire rotation, installed a new muffler for a long time customer- while biting back the comment about how mufflers are supposed to make less noise, not that he intended for it of course- and almost had the engine rebuild done. In between running around, Ruby knocked out a few simple maintenance tickets, too. 

All in all, they were looking pretty good.

“Oh, hey, Rubes,” she said, pushing into the front office and casting a glance around. “Didn’t know you were- shit!”

Immediately, she dove behind the counter, flat on the ground, and crawled into the corner like she had barbed wire above her, drawing more than a curious glance from her sister.

“Yang, what are you doing?”

“Winter’s out there!”

“Who?”

“You remember, that lady with the kid I met in the park a few weeks ago? Her name was Winter- didn’t I tell you that?”

“No, actually, you didn’t, and you didn’t describe her beyond ‘really pretty and kinda terrifying when pissed’ which was all that seemed important at the time.” Ruby looked through the glass windows at the front of their shop. “And all I see are Blake and her girlfriend’s sister. At least, that’s who I assume is with her; Blake asked to go out to talk to her when she pulled up.”

“She hasn’t come in yet?”

“I don’t thinks so? I just got back from picking up that spoiler we ordered.” Silver eyes flicked up. “They’re both coming inside.”

“I’m not here!” Yang immediately tried to push herself up under the counter as best she could. She was going to chew Blake’s ears off after this; there’s no way the Faunus didn’t know who Yang was talking about, and suddenly that look she received afterwards made so much more sense, but no, of course she couldn’t give Yang a heads up, damnit.

Of course, there existed the possibility that, maybe, Winter wanted their paths to cross again, but she’d come to know her mischievous friend rather well by now and firmly believed Blake was up to no good.

“Hi, Blake!” Ruby waved, smiling bright as ever. “Is this the friend who needed the oil change?”

“Yeah, this is Weiss’ sister, Winter. Winter, this is Ruby, one of my bosses.” Oh, yeah, there was definitely a thread of ‘I know exactly what I’m doing’ in her voice.

“Nice to meet you,” the woman said, her voice sounding tight. “Thank you for giving Blake the time off to help me with this.”

“Oh, it’s no trouble at all!” Her sister leaned, not doing a good job of hiding her wince. “Is, uh, is that your car?”

“Yes. I’m aware it’s in need of maintenance but all I can afford right now is an oil change. Speaking of, what’s the projected cost for the oil and filter replacement?”

“Well, we do it at cost for employees, but Ya-”

“Would twenty suffice?” Before either employee could interject, she continued. “I’m not an employee; while I can accept a discount, I’ll not abuse your generosity.”

Yang cringed, already able to picture just how livid the woman must’ve been when the waitress brought her the bags of to-go food and told her the bill was already paid. This did not bode well.

“Uh, alright, we’ll, uh, settle you up tomorrow. We’ve got a spot, so it should be ready for pick up first thing.” Ruby accepted the keys and filled out a work order, asking a few more questions just for clarification purposes. “Hey, by the way, do you remember-” Alarm bells went off in her head as her hand shot out, lightly knocking against her sister’s ankle- enough to get her attention but not to leave a bruise, at least. “Ah! Uh, sorry, knee’s been bothering me recently. Do you remember what kind of oil you use? Synthetic or no?”

“Whichever’s cheapest.”

“Uh, right. Okay! And Blake’s taking you to work now, right?”

“Yeah, should be thirty minutes, depending on traffic,” Blake said. “Ready to go?”

“Of course.” Winter seemed to turn away from the counter. “Thank you again for this.”

“Oh, it’s no problem! And, Blake, mind looking over this order real quick? You might be able to grab the part on the way back.”

“Sure. I’ll meet you at the car.” The moment the door jingled, Yang started crawling her way out from under the counter but found herself looking up at one very smugly curious Faunus, who herself was leaning over to look down at her. “Really? You hid down there the whole time?”

“If someone had given a little warning, I would’ve hid in the back office!” Grumbling, she knelt behind the counter, not wanting to risk standing up quite yet. “What’s the idea, Blake? You knowshe said she didn’t want to see me again.”

“From her version of the story, she definitely didn’t say that; you offered it.” One brow rose before she leaned back, no longer laying across the countertop. “Anyway, I would’ve told you but you made it seem like you were going to forget the whole thing happened, so who am I to change your mind?”

“Bringing her here without any warning kinda says you’ve got an answer to that.” Yang scowled, crossing her arms over her chest. “Seriously, what gives?”

“Aside from the fact you two would actually make pretty good friends if you allowed it? Simple: my girlfriend’s sister needed an oil change and I work at an auto shop.” She shrugged. “How you two decide to handle the ‘it’s a small world’ thing is not my prerogative.” Her lips curled into a small smile. “Speaking of which, I have to get her to work now. Whether or not you ever talk to her, that’s on you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind!”

Although she'd remained silent on the whole situation thus far, something obviously bothered Ruby, something she wouldn't let go without remarking upon. “Uh, just… real quick, she doesn’t… let her daughter ride-”

“Oh, no, no one but Winter gets in that thing. It’s purely to get her to work and back; everywhere else, she walks.”

Yang raised a brow at her sister’s obvious relief, the door’s chime signalling Blake’s departure. “Let me know when they pull away.”

“Three, two, one- and you’re clear.”

Getting to her feet, she looked towards the parking lot prepared to ask which one belonged to Winter. However, given the options, she really didn’t have to ask. “What the fuck.”

“I’ve… seen worse.”

“Yeah, in a junkyard about to be scrapped.” She shook her head. “And even then, I’ve seen better.”

The body had large spots absolutely eaten away by rust. The doors and quarter panels were dented all to hell and the windshield had a crack all the way across it. Even at a distance, she could tell the rims were damaged and probably rusted as well, not to mention the absent grill. 

“Maybe it doesn’t look so bad under the hood?”

“I doubt that.” Snatching the keys, she went outside with her sister trailing a step or two behind. Popping the hood, both of them groaned. The timing belt looked like it was seconds away from snapping, what looked to be some manner of corrosion leaked from the battery, the whole thing smelled like burnt oil and probably coolant, and she could see where an improper attachment on the belt was rubbing what looked to be the radiator hose raw. “Holy shit.”

“She drives this?” Her sister ran a hand through her hair, the other perching on her shoulder. “This is- this is a rolling death trap.”

“Wait, you smell that?” Inhaling deeply, she got down on her knees and looked beneath the vehicle, cringing immediately. “Damnit, there’s a gas leak. It’s small, but it’s there, probably a hole in the line.” Sitting back on her heels, she drug a hand down her face. “Ruby, we can’t let her drive this thing away with only an oil change.”

“Yang, think about this; we could lose our license doing work that wasn’t approved.” Her sister furrowed her brows, lips pressing into a thin line. “I mean, I’m all for it, absolutely, but we gotta be smart about this.”

“Right, you’re right. Lightly used parts, give ‘em a grunge look so they won’t look too out of place.” She leaned towards the side, looking at the tires. Absolutely no treads. “Think we could sneak on some new tires?”

“Part of me says ‘not any I’d feel comfortable with’ and the other part says ‘anything’s better than those’.” Looking back at their shop, she sister started running everything through. “I might have an idea… but all this work-”

“Take my share to cover it; I’ve got a cushion,” she said, immediately banishing any considerations for the amount of lien they’d need to pull this off. “Whatever thought you’re having, run with it.”

“Let’s start copying down sizes; as soon as Blake gets back, I’m making a run, but I can make a few calls first.” A growl. “By the time I get back, though...”

“I’ll handle it.” She looked up at Ruby. “I promised Blake I’d do the work myself. We’ll be ready to rock by sunup.” Then, a laugh. “Would be great if we had a parts runner though, huh?”

“We’ve got someone coming in tomorrow morning for interview,” her sister replied, silently acknowledging that didn’t help them in the slightest at present.

“Well, let’s start moving; I’ll get this pulled into the second bay.” She got to her feet, dusting off her hands. “I think I see something on the front axle I want to take a better look at.”

“Don’t go overboard, remember-”

“Hey, remember who you’re talking to here!”

“The lady our customer met in a park, who kinda sorta bullied her into taking a bunch of food home for free?” Ruby raised a brow. “This is the same woman you hid under the counter from, remember?”

Ah, that was a point. “... right. Sneaky and subtle.”

“Who knows.” A grin. “Maybe we can turn her into a repeat customer, do a little bit at a time.”

Yang wasn’t so sure about that- mainly because she didn’t want to spend random days hiding under the counter of her own shop. Plus, they might be able to buy some time and maybe avoid a catastrophic failure, but they weren’t miracle workers.

---

Winter winced, leaning down to rub at her knee briefly. During that last move, something knocked against it- either a cart or a furniture box she hadn’t seen- and would leave a sizable bruise come tomorrow, but she couldn’t concern herself with that at present. She still had another two hours before quitting time and several more large furniture boxes to move. They had about ten more on the truck they were busy unloading and hopes to get the next one started before the following shift came to relieve them.

“Schnee!”

Straightening, she plastered on an indifferent expression before turning to face the team’s supervisor. “Yes, Sir?”

“For the last time, this isn’t the damn military,” he said, sighing while looking over his clipboard. “And, I’m afraid I have some bad news. They’re coming down pretty hard on us about the overtime, so we’re going to have to put you on a full forty, but nothing over that.”

For a moment, her heart skipped a beat in her chest. “Sir, with respect-”

“Listen, I know, this isn’t ideal for anybody.” To his credit, he looked genuinely upset having to inform her, rubbing at the back of his neck subconsciously. “You’re one of the hardest workers we’ve got on payroll, and I know you’ve got your little girl to think about, but it is what it is.”

“I understand,” she replied, nodding stiffly before moving to rejoin her team, their short break already over. Without the overtime, she’d be even more hard pressed to find ways to make ends meet. Although she’d have more time, her only option seemed to be finding a secondary source of income, and hope it fell into a similar time slot. That, and she’d likely have to dip into what little she’d managed to save up over the past five years.

Briefly, Penny’s drawing from earlier flashed in her mind, and the weight of the world bearing down on her seemed even heavier than before.

Yet, she couldn’t allow it to own her. No matter the trials ahead, she’d chosen her path and refused to back down. After she finished her shift, she’d ask Blake to help her look around for some work, perhaps pick up a few applications on the way to get her car.

---

Yang downed her upteenth cup of coffee, starting to feel a strange buzzing sensation in her fingertips as the overindulgence in caffeine promised one hell of a crash in a few hours. She could worry about that later; right now, she had the last touches to put on Winter’s car.

After pulling it into the garage and giving it a thorough inspection, she’d nearly lost her mind. The fact the whole thing hadn’t fallen apart or suffered a severe mechanical failure defied her knowledge, seemingly held together by bubblegum and hopes. Compiling the parts list alone took the better part of an hour, during which she’d knocked out the other customers they’d gotten- nothing major, good busy work for her hands- and put everything else off to the following morning. Then, she took what parts they had and got to work, replacing what she could and pulling out everything that they needed to find, allowing Ruby to put together a list.

Replacing the engine- with a more functional one, even if it looked about as old- took the better part of the night and replacing the gas line gave her a headache but she’d gotten most of the work done. Looking under the hood, it looked almost as bad as when they first popped it, but a trained eye could see the obvious improvements. Add to that a new oil filter and all she really had left was replacing all the fluids and trying to crank it. She had one shot to make this work; with sunrise on the horizon, she didn’t have an abundance of time for trouble shooting.

“Come on, baby,” she said, setting aside the coffee cup and wiping at the sweat on her face. “Let’s hear you roar.”

Grabbing the oil and a jug of coolant, she went about the final step with the constant thought that, as long as they didn’t get caught, they’d done some great work.

If they got caught, though, it might be her license on the line- she’d been sure to usher Blake and Ruby out of the garage without explaining further, just for plausible deniability purposes. As much as she hated playing the legal game, she wasn’t a fool.

Well, at least, not by her estimations.

---

On the way to the auto shop, Winter tried to focus on the positive side of things. Soon, she’d be back home, and Penny would greet her like she was the most important person in the world, and all the bad things would just… slide away.

“I’m sure I can ask for a day off soon, if you need some time-”

“Thank you, Blake, but this is already an imposition,” she said, biting back the anger her wounded pride sparked. “I’ll fill out the applications today and drop them tonight on my way into work. I’ll… find something.”

“Have you considered trying for something at the bank or-”

“I’m afraid I don’t have the luxury of looking for a job I want. Right now, I need a job as desperately as someone needs an employee.” Two fingers rubbed at her temple. “I just need to find that connection.”

“If you say so,” Blake replied, ceding the argument quickly. 

She felt a touch of remorse- the Faunus only ever tried to help, much like her sister- but neither could fix her many problems. While she took their suggestions to heart, the years spent in Vale looking for any manner of job that could pay her bills and provide her more time with Penny taught her that it was an endeavor that required more energy and time than she typically possessed. However, she would try again, on the off chance something had opened up.

Pulling up to the auto shop, she spotted her car sitting in the lot, in a different space than she’d parked it. Hopefully, that meant the work was completed and a quick payment meant she’d be well on her way home. If she had just a bit more luck, she might even get to spend another day drawing or watching cartoons.

Rubbing at her eyes, she entered the shop after Blake, once again finding the young woman she’d dealt with the day before. Idly, she wondered how many red undershirts a person could own, seeing as she definitely had on a slightly different shade than the day before; while the coveralls might be part of the shop’s uniform, the undershirt didn’t seem to be.

“Oh, hey Blake! And Winter!” Something about the woman’s smile seemed nervous as she retrieved a folder with the paperwork from the day before. “Long night?”

“You could say that.” Pulling out her wallet, she grabbed the twenty lien card she handed it over while accepting her keys back. “That’s what we agreed upon, correct?”

“Uh, well, I’d really rather charge you fifteen, if that’s okay.”

Summoning her willpower, she let out a short sigh. “Fine. Fifteen lien.”

“Great!”

“With a five lien tip.” She raised a brow. “That won’t be a problem, will it?”

“Uh, heh, no, I- I guess not.” Silver eyes looked away as she frowned- Ruby, that was her name. 

“Understand, I appreciate your… generosity.” Again, her pride tickled; a stubborn thing that refused to let her accept the help she obviously needed. At the same time, one could hardly blame her. “But I know this was a favor and I’ll not take advantage of that.”

“I get it.” Ruby smiled and shrugged. “Points for trying though, right?”

She gave a small smile in response. “Thank you again, both of you. I’ll see you later, Blake. I’ll be sure to give Weiss your love.”

Exiting the shop, Winter did her best to keep her mind engaged, not wanting exhaustion to make her careless on the drive home. The moment she turned over her car, however, she noticed something.

The air conditioner kicked on. She had to double check to be sure, blinking a few times and putting her hands over the vents. Neither the AC nor heat had worked since she’d gotten the damn thing. Why would it work now?

Getting out, she popped the hood and lifted it up, narrowing her eyes as she studied the components. She couldn’t be sure, but it all looked… different. A bit shinier, as if some parts were cleaned up, which made enough sense if someone spent a suitable time elbow deep in it… but it looked like more than that. She felt certain it didn’t look like this the morning before.

And then the obvious answer smacked her in the face.

Letting the hood fall shut, she turned around and marched back inside the auto shop, two sides warring within her mind. On the one hand, she’d been keenly aware her vehicle needed a fair amount of work and she was grateful the mechanic saw fit to do it. However, she couldn’t possiblyafford it, and if Blake had tried slipping one past her, she wouldn’t be accused to taking advantage of someone’s kindness. They’d already done enough to help her.

The moment she pulled the door open- sharply, causing the chime to sound out- she noticed the Faunus’ earnest confusion with her return. “Winter? Something wrong?”

“Bring Ruby back here, now,” she said, setting her hands on the counter and curling them into fists. 

She wasn’t angry, per se- it wasn’t that she valued her pride above her sense. Winter simply understood that those who helped her put themselves at a disadvantage and had neither the strength nor the patience to deal with a stranger potentially setting up a debt without her knowing. She’d spent far too much of her life being put in that position, being tricked into feeling like she owed something to someone other than herself- her loyalty, her time, her energy, her very life. Reclaiming it was the first step to finding freedom and she’d not make those mistakes again lightly.

Without Blake having to do much of anything, she could see Ruby take note of her return and hurry across the garage, plastering on a smile that seemed a touch too wide to be sincere as she opened the door. “Oh, uh, something wrong?”

“How much work did you do on my car?”

“Well, we did the oil change and replaced the filter.”

“And what else?” Her gaze flicked over to Blake, who suddenly stiffened and moved a bit away, as if absolving herself from whatever decisions her boss made. “I can tell a lot more work’s been done than I asked and I-”

Suddenly, she felt a small bit of pressure against her leg and looked down to find a dog swatting at her pants.

A very… familiar dog.

And suddenly, it all made sense.

“Hello, Zwei,” she said, reaching down to pet the dog’s head. Then, she rounded on Ruby. “Where is she?”

The woman looked like she might try to make an excuse for all of two seconds before sighing and hanging her head in defeat. “She’s in the garage office- but it wasn’t-”

Winter held up a finger, stopping all manner of excuses while stepping around the counter and heading into the garage. Finding the office didn’t pose too much of a problem, seeing as only one door seemed to lead to an area, and she opened it with every intention of getting to the bottom of the whole issue.

The words caught in her throat, however, when she found Yang- the same woman she’d met in the park a few weeks ago- slumped over the cluttered desk, soundly asleep and snoring softly. She had all manner of grease and oil on her face and arms, even some in her hair, and her coveralls were pulled down and tied off at her waist. The yellow tank top she wore clearly was clearly stained with drying sweat and dirty from work but it looked like Yang hardly had the energy to sit in the chair much less change, considering the cot a few feet away.

Then, blue eyes fell on the few photographs in frames. One was of a family, she assumed: mother with a soft, round face like Ruby’s and father with the same wild hair and wide grin as Yang, plus a little blonde girl and a baby swaddled in blankets, standing in front of a house out in the woods. Another of the same man but with younger versions of Yang and Ruby, their manner of dress clearly indicating the former had just graduated- either from high school or trade school, it was difficult to say. A third, the two sisters standing in front of the auto shop, their father nowhere to be seen.

“Because I was your kid!”

Silently, Winter stepped closer and, with all the care she could muster, picked Yang up from the chair. The woman hardly moved, obviously exhausted from her night of unexpected work, and that made it all the easier to lay her down on the cot and draw the thin, well worn blanket over her without rousing her from slumber.

They’d talked about it, briefly, during that morning, how Yang had grown up in a single parent household. She’d neglected to mention her father beyond that and never in the present tense. Winter hadn’t thought much of it until now.

Going over to the desk, she found a scrap of paper that seemed more or less unused and disposable and penned out a quick message, taking it with her as she returned to the front office, where both Ruby and Blake seemed nervous.

“She’s asleep,” Winter said as means of explanation, handing over the paper. “Give this to her when she awakens. And Blake?” Breathing in deeply, she let it out slowly. “Did you know?”

“I had a hunch,” the Faunus replied, crossing her arms over her chest. “Neither of you mentioned names and I didn’t clarify, but aside from the previous meeting, I didn't know anything.”

“Did she know?”

“She, uh, hid under the counter when you walked in.” Ruby offered with a weak smile. “She… reallythought you didn’t want to see her again.”

Reaching up, she rubbed at her temple. “Be sure you give her that. And thank you, for all the work done on my car. I know it needed some… serious repairs.” Her gaze snapped over to Blake. “Weisswill deal with you tonight.”

Winter turned, ready to head out of the shop without waiting for another word from either of them, but found herself nearly bumping into a redhead just an inch or two shorter than her. 

“Sorry!” Sparkling emerald eyes shone with sincerity as she stepped back. “I’m here for the interview.”

For a moment, her tired brain didn’t connect the dots, until she remembered her work uniform- a similar set of coveralls- closely mimicked that of the two employees and moved aside. “I believe she’s the one you want to talk to and… good luck.” She glanced back at the other two. “They take care of people here.”

Then, she left, intent only on getting home, seeing her daughter, and talking to her sister.

She didn’t plan on the Faunus getting in trouble, of course- obviously she’d kept the details vague for plausible deniability purposes- but she fully intended on having a serious conversation with Weiss about this. Penny would be willing to give them a bit of space to have that talk, hopefully, and they could discuss the whole situation. 

Because what bothered her the most about the whole ordeal was just… the warring sensations of constantly being in debt to Yang- this stranger she didn’t know beyond a few details- and the acknowledgement that the woman probably didn’t see it as such. A proper discussion to work out some manner of compensation would’ve been vastly preferable to driving away with so much unsaid but she wouldn’t interrupt much needed sleep for the purpose of mollifying her own pride.

Plus… she needed to see if her sister happened to have any sort of tips for making a home cooked meal.

---

Yang stretched her arms over her head, yawning while slipping out of the garage office. She’d need to thank Blake and Ruby; it must’ve been a chore moving her from the chair to the cot they kept for emergencies but her back appreciated it. Absently, she reached down to pat Zwei’s head while walking over to where her sister stood in front of a minivan, elbow deep in changing the timing belt.

“Hey, Rubes,” she said, chuckling slightly as her sister jumped. “Easy, killer. Just wanted to say thanks for moving me; that chair is not comfortable for sleeping.”

“Oh! Uh. So. I have some news. About that, specifically.” She raised a brow, confused by Ruby’s sudden nervousness. “I didn’t move you.”

“Blake-”

“Nope.”

“Then, who-”

“Winter did.” Fishing into one of her pockets, she pulled out a piece of paper even as the bottom dropped out of Yang’s stomach. “She noticed we did a bit more work on her car, came inside to interrogate me about it, recognized Zwei, and… went into the garage office. When she came back, she told me to give you this when you woke up.”

Hesitantly, she took the paper in her hands and read the tiny, neat cursive.

I owe you dinner. This is not optional. Call me.

And then a number.

“Oh, shit.” She ran a hand through her hair and winced. “Was she, uh… you know. Mad?”

“I… you know, it’s really hard to tell with her, but I don’t think so? She told Pyrrha we take care of people, so I’m pretty sure there’s no hard feelings.”

“Pyrrha?”

“Yeah, our, uh, new parts runner. Her interview was this morning, remember?”

“Oh, right. Sorry, brain’s a little scrambled.” Dragging a hand down her face, she let out a deep sigh. “Guess I have to call her… is Blake in trouble?”

Ruby winced. “Jury’s still out on that.”

“Great.” Shrugging, she looked at the piece of paper again. “Think I should call now or wait?”

“Blake said she usually wakes up in about an hour.”

“Wait it is.” Tucking it into her pocket, she looked around the garage. “Got something small I can do in the meantime?” 

“There’s an inspection waiting outside. Think you can grab it?”

“Done.” Anxiety lurked in the back of her mind but she realized there was nothing to do but wait.

Wait and hope.

[simplyserens]

( mentions of @theocannon, @ofcimani, @tvhnc, & @ofcmargos ) nova had left the prom almost immediately after having sex with ricky, she felt so dirty, usually she’d have better self-judgement or a voice ( usually one that sounded exactly like imani’s ) helping her to avoid doing the dumb shit she would if she was drunk. but as she stumbled with high heels in hand as she left the high school, still adjusting her dress, bottle of vodka she snagged from the bar in had, it was only then that she realized how far she’d strayed from the person she was in high school.

she puts her heels on as she reaches the dark and gloomy destination. she hated it here and yet she often found herself coming back time and time again. she listened to the satisfying crunch of twigs snapping beneath her feet, as she made her way through the rows of headstones, are neatly aligned. she stops in front of the headstones of her birthparents ‘ameila spencer’ and ‘johnathan spencer’ she nearly reaches out to touch them but doesn’t.

she sits there in the chilly new york air, perhaps she’d catch a cold or something worse, but she didn’t care at the moment. almost immediately she began crying, “hey mom, dad, it’s me. the biggest disappointment you know.” she muttered underneath her breath.

she wipes her eyes, “i know you guys didn’t love me. but you guys are the only people that i have right now okay.” she’s already crying again, unable to hold back, “tonight was probably the worst night of my life.” of course she was over-exaggerating, she’d made it through much worse than tonight. but somehow all of those things seemed to dull in comparison.

“you know usually i wouldn’t even be talking to you guys. i’d have imani or tahnee or just literally anybody else but—” she takes a deep breath, she was being pathetic, at least that’s what her mom would say if she was here. “imani has this boyfriend now, his name is jupiter, and i’m happy for her, really i am. but, part of me feels selfish that i just expected her to always be there, but isn’t that what best friends are supposed to do?” how did she even get to this point in her life? how did she get to trying to keep herself from bawling in a new york cemetery at one am?

“and tahnee—” even the name sounds bittersweet on her tongue, her once childhood friend tainted with the memory of what had happened between margo and theo, just the thought makes her take a long swig of the vodka, barely flinching as she does so, “— she has this girlfriend named margo, and god as much as i love tahnee, i can’t stand her girlfriend.” the mere thought of margo brings red hot anger boiling at nova’s fists, and she feels the urge to hit something, but she doesn’t. remembering the breathing technique she’d done with imani countless times before. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. it only helps a little bit.

she takes another long swig, before blurting out, “—and i’m pretty sure i have an alcohol problem— and—and—” the breathing doesn’t work anymore, she throws the glass bottle against a nearby tree, hearing it’s satisfying shatter. “—and i’m just so tired. it’s like everyone’s moved on with their lives, and here i am. what is wrong with me?” she asks to no one between sobs. 

she doesn’t bother wiping her eyes this time, simply letting the tears wash away all of her mascara. “i bet you’re wondering about theo.” no they weren’t. they don’t even know who theo is. they were long gone by the time you met him. is what a little voice in the back of her head tells her, but tonight nova allows the alcohol to speak for her. “turns out all i’m good for is being a stepping stone to much better things,” there’s a bitter laugh that escapes from her as she says this, “—and it’s no fair. i know this sounds dumb, and crazy, and selfish but he is was the love of my life, and i thought i was the love of his.” she’s crying even more at this point, unable to stop herself like before. “i hate him.” she says with no true malice in her words, only alcohol. “i hate him. i hate him. i hate him. i hate him. he broke my heart, and i hate him—” she reaches for the vodka bottle before remembering what she did with it, “—except i don’t hate him. and instead i hate myself more for it.”

she sighs, tracing the name of the gravestone with her finger, “i fucked some guy in a classroom today. he wasn’t bad. it’s just— the whole time i was thinking about theo. and before that i fucked this other guy in his apartment. and he wasn’t bad. it’s just— god i was thinking of theo then too.”

she swallows thickly, the exposed skin from her dress prodded with goosebumps. “— and it’s fine i mean seriously why should i be mad? — at least he said goodbye this time. — i just wish i hadn’t wasted my money buying this stupid present.” she says fishing a necklace out out of her clutch that had theo and nova’s names engraved into it, “and it’s not like i’m in highshool again asking carley ‘oh when’s theo coming home?’ who needs him? he didn’t go with me to prom, and i still won prom queen, right? i had four good years without him after carley did and he never once asked me if i was okay— to hell with him!” she shouts, “— i didn’t need him then and i don’t need him now. i’m going to get married, have a bunch of kids, find a better lover than he ever was, because there’s not a damn thing he could teach me about how to love someone.” she tries to play nonchalant but the tone in her voice is a dead give away, the waterfalls pooling in her eyes, “how comes he doesn’t want me mom?”

[botanyshitposts]

Please tell us more stories about the corn!!

brief preface: i live in iowa, one of the united states’ largest producers of corn (as in maize for those overseas), and worked at a corn breeding research facility. these guys are in charge of creating new lines of seed for farmers to grow; i took the job because it was the only plant science-related job i could, and it sucked but it wasn’t the worst job ive ever had and i made bank because it sucked and no one wanted to do it. there were two parts to this job: data collection and pollination. i wrote out a huge thing on the details of these and then decided it was too long and rambly so imma just gonna skip that stuff and get to the Weird Liminal Space Corn Stories:

-for data collection, our job was to take plant an ear hights in fields all around iowa, meaning that we would get to work in the morning and they would load us up into transit vans and drive us out to a random small town with a test field for testing. once we got there, we had 16-foot-tall wooden measuring sticks we would unfold and bring into the field with us, and the instructions from there were simple: 2 people on each side of the breeder. you measure the line of corn behind you by sticking ur stick next to an average looking plant and reading off first how far up on the plant the first ear of corn was, then reading off how far the base of the flag leaf was. then, you turn around to face the line of corn behind you, and while youre turning around and sticking your measuring stick into the ground on that side your partner reads there numbers, you read your second line of numbers, your partner reads their second line, and then you walk into the nearest alley and march up two lines of corn while the people on the other side of the breeder go. you read the two data points on one side. your partner reads and u turn around. you read the data points behind you. your partner does. while you are going, your breeder is walking up the field typing in the numbers on a data logger and the other team is walking up two rows. once you reach the end of the field, your breeder stops you, you walk two plots down and turn the other direction. you read off your data points, ect, you do that all the way down the field. you do this for hours until your set is done. all told, once your team of 5 people gets oriented and going, it should sound like this to you:

stick. 65, 102. turn. stick. 68, 104. pick up stick. walk down two rows. stick. 85, 102. turn. stick. 84, 103. pick up stick. walk down two rows. ect. you have to annunciate yourself and not talk to your teamates so the breeder can hear you through the corn. on windy days, you have to shout. you dont have time to stop and talk; you actually barely have time to do anything but focus on the manual task of number, turn, number, walk, number, turn, number, walk. when we were done, we would come out covered in sweat and dirt with our sticks, pile in the transit van, and drive like, the 2-3 hours back. work days were about 9 hours with 5 in the field, meaning that you worked 40 hours a week and could do overtime on weekends doing pollination (which was actually really fun). 

-no headphones. at first i thought that rule was stupid, but like, once you enter a cornfield you realize that this is because 1. if someone is screaming your name you need to be able to hear and 2. corn touches everything; when you’re in the corn, there is always something touching you. we wore special hats with veils, long pants, long shirts, eye protection, and closed toed shoes because the corn leaves are sharp and will cut you up; i have scars from this. your headphones would get ripped out within like, .3 seconds, because like corn just snags and slices up everything. 

-one time, on the hottest day of the summer, we were doing the number-turn-number-walk routine and heard someone yelling for our breeder guy. he stopped us short and called back, and like, this is the scary part about cornfields: like i said in the tags of that one post, corn swallows up sound more than anything. it’s impossible to tell where you are and impossible to hear anything, even if you scream, so its best to stay close to your team unless your doing solo work, and if you’re doing solo work like, for the love of god, keep walking in the direction youre supposed to be walking until you’re finished. trust that theres something on the other side, even if you cant see it. but anyway; hes yelling, and shes yelling, and suddenly she bursts through the corn after searching for us and says that this one kid is having a seizure. queue both of them running out of the corn and we’re just standing there. eventually we hear one of the other breeders yelling “___’s group, where are you?!” and we’re like “over here! we’re over here!” and put our sticks up, and the other breeder comes into the alley and we keep doing data points. we had like, 6 kids go home that day because of how hot it was (over 100 degrees) and we ended up not finishing the field because they decided it wasnt safe for us to work anymore. (also, kid was predisposed to seizures and they took him home, he was fine and came back to work a couple days later)

-i kind of talked about this in the tags of that other post, but i think the scariest day was the day we were in a test field a little ways away from the research center. it was kind of stormy but we were like ok whatever, we’ve gotten rained on before with no problem, queue us starting the data collection for the day. its…..really windy. like. i wish i could recreate that feel in art or something or even film it someday, because 1. when the wind blew, the whole field-which, remember, this is our whole world when we’re in there because you can’t see anything but corn in every direction- moved. like, bended, which is typical of corn because like yeah duh it does that, but its like if you were standing in a hallway and suddenly all the walls bent with the wind and so did the cieling. it was that disorienting; i actually stumbled a few times because the only steady thing was the ground and 2. it was loud, like a weird roar in the background. everything is rustling all around you at once. we had to scream our numbers for the breeder to hear us, and when i moved my measuring stick would catch the wind and drag me back a little. then, we heard thunder in the distance. our breeder was like “okay guys we’re gonna finish this field because we’re only like 4 ranges away from the road” and we’re like ok yeah, 40 plots, we can do this. the wind picked up, we kept moving at like twice the pace to get out of there, and when we reached the end it was really close and our breeder was like “come on we have to go now” and we like, picked up our sticks and ran through the corn bending around us with the thunder and everything, can i say midwestern gothic because ive never experienced midwestern gothic more than 4 teenagers with corn sticks and a dude with a data logger running through a discombobulating corn haze at 11am with thunder rolling in. we get to the edge of the field, scramble over the barbed wire fence because we are not running through the rest of the field. in a hot second more teams emerge from the field at various speeds just as it starts storming. we pack up our sticks. our team of four gets in our breeder’s pickup truck and we drive back in the rain. it was a look guys ngl

-throwback to when i just finished doing solo tagging of the ranges in the corn in a field three hours away from the research center. our breeder said to meet him back at the truck when we were done, so when i reach the end of the field having stapled on tags for around 100 ranges (about ten minutes of walking and stapling alone in a single line; these tags will help orient harvesting in the fall), i turn around and start heading straight back, because like again, when you’re in the corn alone its best to know exactly where you are and the way out is always a straight line. i start following my tagging trail back. about five minutes into walking i hear rustling near me. y’all, i was not ready, started jogging and checking behind me and after a little bit i slow down because i feel like i lost whatever it was. rustling continues like its following me. hellno.jpg, not today, i run out of the corn into the alley on the other side, decide i must have imagined it, and start walking towards the truck. as it turns out it was another one of the guys who didn’t know where to go, saw me from his row, and was following me to find his way out of the corn. almost died that day y’all

-occasionally we would visit fields to do brittle snap count, which is lining up, walking a plot, stopping, and yelling out how many broken stalks of corn we counted in the plot we just walked through, then continuing. the whole thing is that farmers understandably hate it when all their corn breaks and dies. we went to this one field that had been hit by a wind storm; it was a really hot day and we were all like dying. this is where my aforementioned scarring comes in. in cornfields, there exists a thingy called corn rash. this is where the corn hits your skin so much that it makes tiny cuts all over you, and then pollen from said corn gets in the cuts along with sweat. it is the worst time i have ever experienced in my life like literally nope would not recommend. eventually we realized that half this field of test crop was broken. like, we stopped counting the amount of plants with broken stems and instead started counting the amount of plants still standing. i was wearing all the protection i needed/that was required (so was everyone else), but it was so hot that literally all of us had corn rash and i was bleeding, big yikes. eventually our super nice breeder for the day realized that we were Struggling™ and was like ok listen we’re going back this isn’t worth it and all the corn is literally dead inexplicably anyway and then took us to get gas station ice cream after bc she felt bad for us lmao, a blessing

-talked to the breeders a lot and asked a ton of questions. learned that sunflower breeding is a thing that happens and that they’re bred to be larger to bear more seed for like, those bags of sunflower seeds you see at gas stations. the more u know

-zoo corn

-the corn in the pollination fields (the corn being bred into pure, genetically identical lines for testing….*insert Corn Discourse Concerning Loss Of Genetic Diversity Here But Not Gonna Talk About It In This Post Bc Its Already Super Long*) gets really weird mutations that i’ve talked about before

-this post got so long im sorry

tl;dr: corn is a terrifying liminal space

[thegurlbehindthesmile]

Head Storm.

If i don't take minute to write these things down they just weigh so heavy. where do i begin.

i'm frustrated.

sometimes its like a repeating nightmare. Its me and brian and we are on a 13 hour flight to Germany. this double decker plane is huge and filled with strangers and i cant see their faces. i know our destination is a long way away. im tired. and there we are in the middle row. u next to me and me on the isle. We're sharing your blue ipod with music i never really listen to and this is the moment im stuck in.

for a minute my body goes into drive. at first you think the dream would play out as i remember, but this isnt a memory its a dream and now that im more aware- more awake within the dream; im always asking myself.

why am i here? wheres juan? wheres julian? (thats right this is a dream/ im sleeping)

and i realize im meant to doo something. and i go and look at brian and its not the same. i can barely see his face and i no longer remeber the sound of his voice. its as if im stuck in my seat.

the dream is almost paused- as i struggle to put these pieces of the real memory back together. its like im waiting. im waiting for brian to speak first. im just sitting here. on this plane.

i went to russia in 2005. the trip was from philly airport to germany than germany to russia.

it was for a youth peace team mission. we met up with kids our age over there and talked about religion and life. it wasnt just us two- we had a team of our friends and it was amazing.

It was the first time i had left the country- it was the first time i had flown without my mom. first time i felt homesick. the first time i saw how big the world really is. how there is so much to see and so much going on. it was an experience.

i never knew Demisexual was a thing. (The term 'demisexual' comes from the concept being described as being "halfway between" sexual and asexual. ... The gray-A spectrum usually includes individuals who very rarely experience sexual attraction; they experience it only under specific circumstances.)

i didnt even know what sexual was- i was young naive and anything i did know about sex and beauty most likely came from the wrong place. i managed to get all the way to freshman year of highschool without really relationships that included sexual and non sexual.

freshman year was horrible. i was the new girl becuase i didnt attend the same middle school as the other kids and my prior school was MUCH smaller than the highschool i went to. but i was excited for the change. i asked for the change.

its easy to say "well idk?" when u have lack of experience. Idk why i was single so long. idk why i never wanted a bf. idk why i have never kissed anyone idk? idk? idk? (...now i know) my first thoughts were always like omg maybe noone wanted to kiss me? maybe im the weird one. less desired. not wanted. i was the problem. i imagined my body was less than perfect and i guess my attitude and demenor wasnt the dating type (lies) i just felt weird and alone.

sometimes people cant make a sexual connection unless they have an emotional connection with someone as well. it isnt prude it isnt wierd its just how it works (literally) the better and more i get to know you i can finally start feeling any real connection at all especially sexually.

this new demisexual wasnt even a thing until i was half way through my twenties...THAT and pansexual (not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.) people would ask "well whats ur type?!" idk id say?? i didnt even realize internally i found both sexs appealing. not even just sexs just ANYone. hearts not parts we say now.

i was basiclly lost ,frustrated and didnt understand a damn thing about myself.

brian and i were friends. we went to the same church- we lived in the same town. our families knew each other. it was a very safe space for me. i didnt think brian liked me. ( i didnt think ANYONE liked me; that way anyway) i had guy friends i had girl friends i just felt like we were all at the same level. most my girl friends had kissed people, most had bfs; same with the guys. i just didnt... it wasnt that i didnt like brian- i just had no idea what any of this stuff was. how to even begin "liking someone" i wasnt stupid - i was scared? i felt scared. worried that becase i hadnt had the experiences - that i wasnt good at ANY of it. i got to know brian because he was around. youth group trips and church events ; school- we were always hanging around each other.

i was never a physical person. honestly self pleasure was the only pleasure i knew and i thought id be going to hell for masturbating so theres that complex. a secret i held tight forever.

i didnt know the more i talked and was around brian i would fall inlove with him. people SAYYY that- but in my world it was a must. it was inevitable. as long as he was open with me and vulnerable- i began to want him.

he was my first kiss. and he let me kiss him. it might of seemed innocent ( i mean it was really) but it was big for me. the only person in the world i had let in. and he was ready to reak havoc on my new world. kisses lead to make outs- making out lead to sex- and that was that. id say i was his or he was mine but i guess we were each others. i wasnt ready to do this with anyone else. i didnt think i even could. it took so long for brian to become this person for me. i was..postive; id make this love last a life time. but that wasnt the case it was a rocky 3 years but at the end of it i personally learned alot.

i still didnt know all that i said above. on my rocky one relationship road... i was frustrated. i didnt know these things existed and while life seemed easy for brian- it was not for me. i struggled and argued with myself resulting in very poor communication with brian leading to only end in sight. if i wasnt making an emotional connection with my person then it had to be the opposite; i wasnt interested at all. almost the opposite- i felt nothing.

i let the hurt find its way in- i let it block any form of fix. the emotions were turned off. and the result was sexless.

i went on a rampage and found a random lover. Peter was ..peter. i didnt know him prior to meeting him- i barely knew much about him at all. all i knew was i was numb and needed to feel again. ( now if only i had known who i was i would of tried to build and talk through these emotions, break some walls down. reopen the lines. reconnect and succeed. but i didnt know that. all i knew was i was hurting and i nolonger had my person- i wanted to feel again.) i wouldnt even say i was attracted to peter. i really wasnt "looking" at all. i wasnt looking with my eyes or my heart.

i was already pretty good at hurting myself just plain jane. but this was a whole different world. what if i could just have sex and not care. just do it and live. just feel something. and i did it. i found peter and yeah we had sex. i was postive i didnt want a relationship ( i was heading down the wrong road in the wrong direction WITH no directions) it was a mess. a mess that didnt last long (thankfully)

i look back at it now and would like to have lunch with peter. although im sure im a spek of nothing in his life stream; he was a pretty big rock in mine. mainly to say sorry. sorry for using him. more sorry that i had no intentions at all. i was a shell of person and im sorry he never got the chance to meet the true me. cuz im not that person at all. and i think he was geniune and we could of learned alot from each other.

i am 30 years old now and still to this day brian and peter are the only people ive slept with except my current husband.

ive trusted 2 (brian and juan) of those souls with my heart. my whole heart. ive been with them to the extent i lost myself. my body has craved them and known them. and they will forever have a piece of me. they took with them what insecurities i had and threw them out the window. i was engulfed and loved and it didnt stop. i had alot of sex with brian as i currently have alot of sex with juan (my husband)

if i had known who i was then i would of talked to more people. resulting in more meaningful connections. resulting in more stories and experiences to tell about. girls guys gays all different kinds of souls i would of touched and danced with. but i didnt know what i know now.

time has given me the learning ive neeeded and now i know alot.

as my nightmare continues its me and brian sitting on a 13 hour plane. i want to ask him how he is, and what hes doing. what other souls hes experienced and what life is like for him now. we would laugh and joke and unerstand that life goes on and although we are not lovers any longer we wouldnt be who we are without having known each other. on this plane its noone but us. reality doesnt hit because its just a distraction and we just want to catch up.

its like a clock is ticking and were anxious. as if he too knows this is a dream, a mear astroprojection into a memory. and noone talks. we both stay silent. its almost like i cant breathe.. its almost like im drowning.

i havent spoken to brian in atleast 10 years possibly. not a single word. across the universe is a soul i once loved wholefully and now were strangers. i think a piece of me hurts still today. like a lost limb. how can i go through life and succeed at only making connections that count when my first connection is fried and dead.

how do i begin to process the things i now understand when one small piece of me is gravitating through space.

i was told not to long ago that you are infact alive. simply living- trying to stay to urself.

as this new person i am. as i am learning and growing. you were a big part of who i was- i wish u could see who ive become. my soul acknowledges your absence and i am aware of it.

i hope love and light find you on ur dark days. and that you follow that light to become whoever you are meant to be.

[tracelii]

Homebound 3/?

AKA Maple (me) tries to kill everything, all the time.

@paperbaghero

-----

“I cant find him anywhere, how does this even work?” Ethan sighed as he jogged back to the first person he saw, which happened to be Wade, peeking past a few bushes.

“I mean, we know he ran off into the park, but that’s about it.” Wade stood up, stifling a yawn. “Probably trying to-“

“Please don’t say he’s eating someone.”

Wade held his hands up. “The thought never even crossed my mind.”

It had to be late in the evening now, maybe 9 or 10. Traffic, both foot and car, had slowed down considerably, but then again, they had taken a ‘path less traveled’ sort of way home to avoid as many eyes as possible.

“Hey, how many idiots does it take to find a werewolf?” Wade asked lamely, the joke falling flat in his voice before the punchline.

“More than 4, I guess.” Jack replied, hopping over the bush line to join them. The park had certainly been the last place they saw him, over 20 minutes ago, but…

“No Mark?” Ethan asked.

Jack only shook his head.

“Oh man, Amy’s gonna be super disappointed in us if we can’t find him.”

“I mean, Ethan, I’m sure that’s the only thing we have to worry about.” Wade rolled his shoulders. “Not a clothed, 9-foot werewolf wandering the California wilds.”

There was a short silence between them.

“Uh… speaking about missing tall people-“

“Where’s Tyler?” They all asked each other at once.

Another short silence, as the apparent worry tried to not show up on their faces. Jack picked a direction, further into the park where they had seen Mark last, and started to walk.

“You’re really gonna make me say it.” Wade said at last, walking after Jack, Ethan besides him.

“There’s nothing to say.” Jack said decidedly. “Tyler just probably saw him and ran after him.”

“So… we’re not at all thinking that, maybe, there’s a small chance he’s werewolf chow.”

“Come on, he wouldn’t eat Tyler.” Ethan scratched the back of his head.

“I mean, we also thought he wouldn’t turn into a werewolf, so we could be wrong on some things.” Wade pointed out.

“Well.” Jack said, walking ahead. “Let’s hope that’s another thing that’s wrong.”

“If he ate Tyler, then definitely none of us have a chance, that’s for-“ Ethan squinted, then pointed ahead, over to the left. “Hey, what’s that?”

The three boys ran over to see the remains of a black beanie, shreds of yarn barely resembling a hat-like shape.

“Uh… Not to, be negative or anything, but. This is… This is Tyler’s hat, isn’t it? Covered in drool? Torn to bits?” Wade said carefully.

“I mean, anyone can be wearing a black beanie.” Ethan spoke with a dry, nervous laugh. “Maybe, uh, some other guy dropped it.”

“Right…” Jack spoke slowly. His ears picked up on a sudden rustling to his immediately left, and he turned for his vision to be filled with flannel and fur. “BY JESUS!”

They all scrambled as Mark lunged from a nearby bush, landing in the middle of the now panicking trio. While Wade and Ethan moved immediately about 10 feet in different directions, going to put distance in-between them and the collared werewolf. Jack fell (again, this seemed to be a pattern now), onto his side, clutching it and cursing gently. He watched the beast look around, a bit confused by the crowd parting, and holding the end of his own rope-leash in his mouth. Turning around, Mark’s eyes suddenly landed on him.

“Oh--- Oh uh…” Jack scooted back on his bum a few inches as Mark trotted over to him, dropping his leash, and still down on all fours, sniffing at him. “Dude—uh… Mark, you there? Anyone home?” He couldn’t help but turn his face with a grimace as the cold dog noise nudged against his face, sniffing a few times before huffing out air at him. Carefully, he reached out to touch the muzzle. “Uh… Okay… he seems okay.” He leaned over to try and get a peek at the two others, hiding- Ethan behind a bush, and Wade behind a comically small tree. “Thanks a lot, by the way.” He said sarcastically.

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t have ran.” Ethan hissed at him. He slowly moved from behind the bush, but Wade remained where he was ‘hiding’.

“But then where’s Tyler?” Wade asked.

“I don’t know, probably still looking for him-“Jack turned his head again- Mark’s muzzle growing ever closer to his face, still sniffing at him. “Will you knock that off? At least let me get back up, a-“

Reaching out a large clawed hand, he grabbed Jack like he weighed literally nothing, and lifted him to his mouth, where he snagged the back of the Irishman’s shirt and collar onto his row of sharp, pointy teeth, and made a 4 legged lunge back towards the line of bushes.

This sent everyone crying out in surprise and shock, mostly from Jack, who flailed uselessly and hit the ground once Mark had cleared the bushes and landed on the other side.

“Hey!”

“Jack!!”

Ethan and Wade both fought though the bush line, to see the considerable distance that Mark had suddenly gained on them, now carrying the limp Jack over one shoulder as he jumped onto a chain link fence, climbed it with just a few motions, and landed on two feet on the other side.

“Oh holy shit. Holy shit!” Wade could hardly catch his breath as he and Ethan reached the chain link fence. It was technically where the park ended and the forest began. He looked either way down the line- the fence seemed to drag on forever, and it was more than several feet high.

“Boost me up!” Ethan said, suddenly looking at him.

“Huh?! Are you--- Are you freaking crazy man? I can’t get over!”

“I just need to see what direction he’s going!”

“Ethan?!”

“Wade!!”

They stared at each other, then Wade linked his fingers together for a foothold. “Don’t do anything stupid!”

Ethan reached out, putting a foot in the foothold, and putting his hands on his friend’s shoulder. “Too late for that dude!”

Wade couldn’t help but groan as he lifted Ethan high enough to grab the top of the fence, and drop on the other side. “Next time Mark hulks out, we’re staying in the office! I’ll sleep in there a million days if I have to!”

“I’ll text you if I see them!” Ethan said hurriedly, rushing off into the line of trees before them.

“Oh man… oh man oh man oh man oh man oh man.” Wade turned back and forward, trying to decide how the hell to go about this. He kicked at some of the dirt by the bottom of the fence, then noted how one part seemed to have been pulled up.

Oh. He could-

Contemplating how they could have gotten to this point somehow in their fast and dangerous lives as a youtuber, Wade began to dig.

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 9 - “He just told me what side of the fence to fall on” - Corey

Well that went my way for sure!! While unanimous, literally five minutes into the warzone I told Ian we have to go after Madison and Jacob. He agreed and then we rallied the troops. Love when a plan works out. 

An alliance called M&M&M was made between Matt, Madison, and I. We were thinking of doing Ian but we didnt want to push too hard because we didnt want to reveal our cards that we had something. I just hope us sacrificing Jacob will be a positive thing for us and not a negative. Im glad theres allinces forming now. Hope i can stay away from warzone this next round but who knows. Im going to try my hardest tho.

help. who knew that my blood revenge for wanting Nehe out resulted in ALL of the other Kilimanjaro reps to be voted off one by one. parting that with chips, there was 5 people repping that season... and now I'm the lone Survivor from that season. pray for me yalls.

Ugh!!! I blame Johnny for this. Scavenger hunt is usually my favorite challenge except the both times im doing it with Johnny :p  these are soooo weird again. Dealing with this challenge and moving my stuff from my apartment on friday/saturday will probably not get me immunity. Im still trying so hopefully everyone else is busy as well. I Curse Johnny but like only a small one. Like him spilling his fries on the floor. 🍟

Hosts: Another Ian confessional, hopefully he shuts up about his idol and actually give some insight into his game. Me: MY IDOL!!!!11!!1 IT IS MINE, MY OWN, MY PRECIOUS. On a real note, I'm not sure if I confessed this round yet that one of the reasons behind the Jacob vote was to put Nar in a numbers advantage should that come into play at anytime.  The point of the premerge phase is to build as many pathways to alliances/mutually beneficial voting blocks as possible that also have a vested interest to vote with you.  I have Maynor asking to be a duo with me, sure yeah man I do like you and hope to work with you deep in this game as someone that can help me cut Corey or Trace if working with them in the game becomes problematic, but I also know Maynor has a vested interest in Kait, which I do like Kait well enough but she can't be allowed to go on a run if I want a chance to make a run myself.  Corey wants to keep our partnership as secret as possible, which yes I do think is smart, it also relies heavily on trust.  At this moment in time I have no reason but to trust Corey.  That may change in the future, he wants to keep it secret, that's chill, but I'm going to have my own backdoor deals should shit hit the fan. Devon/Matt one of them put me as the scapegoat to Jacob, I don't know which and honestly I do not care which one of them it was. They are both standing in my way at this moment for the win.  That could change in the future.  The game is long and full of terrors.

this is it this is the round im goin to the w a r z o n e 

Im safe!!! Im glad cuz tomorrow is graduation party from my parents and didnt wanna attend tribal. But i feel like Drunk Maynor is being cheated out for this season. I dont have my drinking buddies. Maybe this season wont see Drunk Maynor and I could actually be good in this game.

Me: goes to warzone a bunch People in warzone: don’t target me at all ———— Last round: People in warzone: mention my name Me: flips that ish on Jacob REAL quick also me: HA NOT GOING TO WARZONE AGAIN FOR A HOT SEC BEST BELIEVE IM FINALLY IMMUNE. imagine that! I kinda tried for once! and I placed exactly where I needed to hehe.

Thomas is a fucking idiot honestly. Like, he has been to the war zone enough times to know that the WORST possible thing you can do is throw a name out on the first night. Everything always comes together a couple hours before tribal, and by putting names out there this early, he is basically just MAKING SURE that the vote will come down between him and Adrian. For background, Thomas came to me, still butthurt about being called inactive, telling me that he wants to vote Adrian. I am very into that plan, don't get me wrong. Adrian is one person that I have literally nothing in common with. But to come in, guns blazing, this early in the war zone is a HUGE mistake, one that will probably end in a lot of extra stress for Thomas. But, it is good for me, because even though Thomas likes to spill all the tea to me, he is someone that I could very well afford losing. Kait is finally in the war zone. This could also be a pivotal moment because I would be shocked if people do not gun for her this round. I don't really want her out yet because I feel like she's a great shield for the merge, but we shall see what people want. basically, even though I don't really have any of my closest allies in the war zone (ian, Corey, Madison), I might be okay because of Thomas v Adrian, and MAJOR threats being here. The only thing that could fuck me up is if Owen tries to pull something. I do not trust that kid and want him out early merge. But for now I am just trying to lay low and vote with majority.

against all odds, I'm still safe! Warzone looks like a crackden tonight and I'm nowhere near it. I hope Owen makes it out okay. Kait, though chaotic, is someone I'm getting closer to. I would like to have her around until around f9??? we'll see. Same kind of story w Maynor. I need Thomas and Stephen OUT. Timmy as well. They are on my Arya-style kill list. I've been immune for ??? 4 tribals in a row now??? I still have my save vote to use as I have not been to tribal since obtaining it. I have also acquired a rock-save thing that Ian and I dug up together. Basically, if we go to rocks, I can use it to save myself (immune from my rock being picked). Nifty lil power... Hopefully I also get this save vote and don't become the owner of a dead power. After tomorrow's tribal, we'll be final 14. 10 gone. only 11 more to go before I'm in FTC. or 12. I don't care. As long as I'm there in the end. Ideally, with Ian and Owen and I come out victorious. I am playing nice girl, liar AND schemer. The game is outwit, outlast and you can't outwit Corey Rae Jepsen baby! and if you want the truth, this is Corey. I suspect Owen-Kait-Thomas to vote the same way. i expect Adrian-Matt to vote the same way. Chloe and Stephen are wild cards. Trace... I am praying for to be okay as well. If Chloe-Stephen-Trace-Matt-Adrian work together, they could get Thomas or Kait out. We'll see! I feel bad wanting Kait out as I do like her but if she goes w/o me having a hand in it... I'll be sad bc I like her but happy bc I think she's too smart to keep very long. She'll catch on to me. She'll plan my demise, which is exactly why I need her close to me as long as she's here. Also - Maynor coming in 2nd? I'm out here busting my butt and they're gonna rank me number three? after someone who can't even barely walk and barely do anything and all he does is sit around and fuss and curse everyone.. I was VERY insulted. (this a crystal cox quote sgflksgls) But fr he said he barely did any. mmhmmmm.. If i was on the fence about him before, he just told me what side of the fence to fall on. 

Im glad Im safe. Idk how this  vote will actually go. I wish luck to thomas matt kait. And ithers but cant remember who from other side is in it. Today imma just keep talking to ian and corey to make deeper bonds with then and enjoying my grad party. Drunk maynor may leave a confessional later.

This warzone is by far the most crucial one in my game. I’m absolutely PARANOID at this point because Kait gave me some info that Ian is mad at me for telling Jacob to vote him, wasn’t my idea but okay. I’m at a point where playing in the middle will leave me getting absolutely squashed in the middle. My allies Kait and Adrian are totally at odds with each other, and Thomas is targeting Adrian and Adrian is targeting Thomas and like, I just wanna vote Chloe. I have the feeling that Adrian needs to go this time around, it would free me of the threat of being sign partners in this game and I’d rather leave bitter betrayals for the pre jury portion of the game. As long as I’m not getting votes and I can keep holding on to this idol and some semblance of good graces with everyone in the game I’m satisfied.

Well I forgot to submit the video confessional I will later lol but I want Adrian out. He seemed very d*ckish about me being inactive and I am not taking kindly to it. It seems Trace is with me and so it Kait and Owen. I hope I can get on more person so we can get Adrian out.

I'm highkey getting 15th again... and I'm gonna cry. Like this fucking hurts so much. People aren't talking to me and the few people are just talking about life and pretty much anything but the vote. Getting a third 15th placement will literally crush my heart and soul so much, so I pray that something works out in my favor.

So happy to be safe, didn't think I would be. Ummmmm, looking at who is going to tribal, i'm not sure who is going to get voted out. I would be so sad if Kait goes, but it would be a smart move in all honesty because this is the first time she's gone to tribal. Getting her or Owen out would be a big move, but I need them in the game for the time being because they are some of the only people who are seen as bigger challenge threats than me. Although I am only safe because of the tribe I'm on, I've never scored the best overall and so really it's an interesting scenario, if I was on the other tribe I would be at the warzone, yet on mine I got 3rd. I just hope it's not a unanimous vote because I want people to come back to camp with drama.

I feel more sick than I ever have and now I’m back in the war zone. How fun. I just hope I can manage to stay safe yet again, I feel like that’s unlikely though 

Okay so I’ve been busy af with my friends all of a sudden it’s almkst tribal nnnnn and it’s between Chloe and Adrian rn. Adrian allegedly wanted me and Kait out earlier YIKE so I originally wanted him but now it’s like matt pushing for Chloe This is rlly good for my game tho because it gives me and Kait something to bond over that sets us apart from matt. I literally am never going to turn on Kait in this game.... fuck. I hope she do the same .

Its Alcohol Time!!!!!!!!

Show just got out and barely anyone messaged me the whole time whoops! I think I’m about to get blindsided tbh this is too quiet lmaooo but Kait and I pushed Adrian so hopefully that’s it. If not then it’s been fun. This seems too easy so I’m not expecting much nnnn but if I’m here.... I’m goin for it 

Im drinking more now. And im nervous who is leaving tonight. Hope the people im working with stay alive.

Good news! I won the past two challenges and have been safe!  That is awesome. Even better news is I just searched Q10 and got a hit which means I’m near an idol :)

Okay so I’ve been busy af with my friends all of a sudden it’s almkst tribal nnnnn and it’s between Chloe and Adrian rn. Adrian allegedly wanted me and Kait out earlier YIKE so I originally wanted him but now it’s like matt pushing for Chloe This is rlly good for my game tho because it gives me and Kait something to bond over that sets us apart from matt. I literally am never going to turn on Kait in this game.... fuck. I hope she do the same .

I am drunk. And i miss havjng my drinkjng buddies in dani alyssa n jess. And havung jones be on call. I need to find some drinking buddies here to have more fun. Plus monty alyssa n johnny r doing amazing as hosts this seasob.

[blackrupee]

Wow your life sounds complicated right now I'm sorry for that. So you aren't gonna have any managers what the fuck? And OH MY GOD I hate when people come in to eat so close to close!!!! ( I work @ zaxbys) if someone is acting passive aggressive I would act even more passive aggressive- make that bitch regret it- regarding the 2 guys: 2 guys is better than no guys:))) wish the first one didn't pressure you though. How did the 2nd one hurt you? - and I care so don't worry about boring me

hi hello would you like to read a novel on my life thanks i talk too much (tldrs at end)

nah like.. we had been managing with a general manager and 3 assistant managers even though we really need 4 so as not to overwork anyone. we recently hired a new one from a corporate arbys (we’re franchised) and two just quit. like i mentioned, theyre not coming back even though the original plan was that their new jobs would be only temporary (6 weeks). sooooo now we have a general manager who only works weekday day shifts, one assistant manager who is relatively new (she had been working at this place for a while but was promoted to manager 6ish months ago) and another who is brand new but still has some experience. they said theyre looking to promote from within initially, but they might have to hire outside people if no suitable potential manager is picked. id love to get manager pay and its not like managers do anything hard so id be WILLING to be a manager..like the whole reason why i got trained on backline was because we have such a big turnover rate with backline people since it fucking SUCKS and i was wanting to be helpful and flexible. so like. thats what i offerred. but one assistant manager was like “lmao all youd do is swear at the customers” and im like bitch when have i ever?? i talk shit about them all the time but ive only sworn IN FRONT OF a customer twice and neither time was it directed at them. but i mean im sitting on a small handful of customer complaints so its not like the gm would even consider me probably. idk dude. i can be nice if you pay me to be nice. but i get paid to do food and do it fast……….so

but yeah literallyyyyyyyyy i have no idea how people can be so??? inconsiderate???? and they dont??? care??? im learning that my contant frustration with people in my personal interactions is due to a disconnect between what i value in  expectations and what actually happens. like. when i go somewhere i already KNOW what i want, so i say it quickly and competently. i preface a lot of my interactions with people im requesting food or services from with “i’m sorry but…”. i phrase things as “could i get” as opposed to “get me” or “i want” which sound HELLA rude tbh. id always have my money ready at the window or the register, im always trying to pay attention and not miss anything or just….be rude in any way bc i know fast food fucking sucks. i know some of the people i interact with probably hate their job as much as i do and i want to be the smallest burden i can be. and it seems like nearly no one else has these same values???? and i dont understand how people can just??? be? so? inconsiderate?

also yes bitch im the queen of passive aggression. literally the night before i was working a short shift and my friend was closing frontline and this bitch was closing drivethrough. i just got the okay to clock out and i was like “bye! have a beautiful night! just know that i love you so much and ive everything ive ever said has always been fake until this point! never meant anything ive ever said until now especially if your name starts with k or ends with ristin (drivethrough girl/the one whos being so difficult is named kristin) but just know that i love you!” and basically being really dramatic and extra as satire.

i guess for context the whole reason she decided to be mad at me was the other night when she was drunk and was like “do you even likeeeeeee meeee i feel like you hateeeee meeee wahh wahh wahhhh” even though im like…..yes bitch i enjoy your company? i joke/use hyperbole/satire/irony/whatever a lot but like occasionally id be like “ey yo you know its all jokes right u know i love u right” just to ensure that she knows but she fucking. ignores it all. i feel like she so desperately WANTS me to hate her and tbh i got fucking sick and tired of hearing her complain all the time about this shit! i fucking hate repeating myself! so sure. if you want me to hate you so fucking much there. i hate you. i fucking hate you so fucking much. like is that what you want to hear? is that validating? are you fucking happy?

its so fucking frustrating

but i will not be held accountable for her decision to be upset. because thats what it is. she wants to be upset, and she wants me to be responsible for it when its literally not my responsibility. i am absolutely not going to stand for this shit like i kind of want to say its emotional abuse lmaooo but im just so fucking sick of it. 

everyone knows that i take chicken tenders and turnovers that would be thrown out at the end of the night and she was closing frontline yesterday and made a point to throw out the turnovers right next to me without asking if i wanted any/leaving any for me. i mean i completely expected her to be that petty of a bitch so it was kind of funny tbhonestly. also im p sure she unfollowed me here lmaoo

with regards to the guys and this paragraph could get a bit tmi/nsfw: yeah the first one kind of sucked but i feel like a little bit of the New Person Nerves have worn down so id do better if we were to hookup again. because like i totally would love to have fucked him but…..anxiety. he was hot tho. like 10/10 body and ass holy shit. plus he complimented me on my ass eating so (assuming that was genuine and not a vapid ego boost haha paranoia am i right) hopefully he comes back for seconds. 

second guy ive had a longish history with. started talking to him at the beginning of last fall semester and we hooked up kinda regularly for about a month. things fell apart, we both understood that we wouldn’t be good dating wise but still enjoyed meaningless cuddles. whatever. it got to a point where he would only hit me up like once every month and a half or so and towards like january-ish he hits me up again. so im like nice cool lets chill. im getting ready for this but my phone is in the other room. while im doing this he drove by my place to pick me up (since he was on his way back from nashville), didnt get a response to an “im here” text (bc i was busy and tbh not expecting him to do that), and left. he lives within like walking distance tho so im like “?? sorry i was busy are you still out or should i walk over?“ and he texts me like “sorry hold up a thing just happened” and im like…….okay. so im just.. waiting around for him. periodically texting like “hey are we good for tonight and whats going on?” because like there was some drama with his friend? hes like.. apologizing and shit but this goes on for an hour. BUT. the ENTIRE time he’s dealing with this friend problem or whatever he’s literally on grindr. and at the end of this hour im like in full blown paranoia panic mode and i literally text him something mentioning this and he BLOCKS ME ON GRINDR so im like ??????!!!!??? and i text him (all while saying “not to be crazy or paranoid bc im probably coming off that way but like could i get an answer or something??”) AND HE LITERALLY SAYS HE DELETED HIS GRINDR. but thats a LIE because i have a secondary account to see like……if guys are still on grindr/if a thing with a guy might turn into something more like if i see he’s not on grindr as much?? thats prob incredibly stalkerish and probably really creepy but hey. thats me. so i KNOW he lied to me but i cant really say “hey ur a liar” without disclosing this weird creepy stalker part of me (funnily enough this isnt the first time a guy has lied to me and i caught it with my secondary account! so it proves to have some function use in the end. not totally crazy). so. yeah. that was the incident. after this i dont trust him at all, and i still dont, but i had it in my mind to like somehow get him to fall in love with me just so i could break his heart for doing this? never really worked out. so now im at the point where im like….eh he’s a piece of shit and i hate him but ill cuddle with him bc it feels good

back to nsfw/tmi: the sex was okay. he’s weird about people being near his like….dick and stuff because he was raped and i totally get it bc i was too but he was comfortable enough for me to finger him and my finger still hurts from where he clenched when he came lmaoooooo. was totally hot tho. and i got to east his ass so im like eyyyyyyyy. its been so long since ive eaten ass so having it two consecutive nights in a row has been cathartic.

tldr; we have 2 assisant managers and a gm rn. looking for more

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; he’s a liar

[starinthenightsky]

Y.

Yeah, I’m hurt.

So many unnecessary and untrue things were said. I didn’t walk away because i don’t love you or because i dont want to be with you. I walked because i didn’t know what else to do. I walked because i was exhausted. I walked because you always told me “why do you want to be with me if i make you so unhappy”. I walked because you kept breaking promises. I walked because you kept lying. I walked because i asked for the smallest commitments, i asked you to do little things like send me a message, and you couldn’t do it. You knew it would make me happy and you couldn’t do it. How could i expect to grow with you and have a family and live if you cant manage the littlest things? 

And you knew. YOU KNEW. it’s not like i sit here pissed at you and let you figure out what you did wrong or what will make me happy. I tell you. Always. And you hit back with promises. They never last. If you don’t love me, okay,  i can’t do anything about that. If thats the reason why. But if you do love me, i love you more than anything in the world and i honestly cannot understand why you’re struggling so much. I promise you im not asking for a lot.

It’s time to be an adult. You said it yourself, you need to grow up. I really thought after our big talk things were getting better.  I was so confident. I felt so positive about our future. I had a great night Saturday, watched Get Out and ate thai with my best friend. I even told you i felt great. What did i do to deserve your treatment after that? Loved you? Cared for you? Didn’t bother you? Didnt tell you after 3 saturdays with your mates you need to spend that one with me? I was just doing my own thing. Just with my best friend. Happy. Waiting to speak to you because we hadn’t spoken since earlier in the morning.

I was so worried that night because i didnt tell myself it was an option that you had just fallen asleep. I didnt think you’d do that to me again. Just 5 days after making me a promise.You did it 3 weekends in a row. And why would you? I was happy, you were having a good night. You texted me saying you’re leaving soon. I was looking forward to your call so much. I couldn’t think of any reason as to why you would of just been asleep, which is why i worried so much. I was so wrong. Stupid. Naive. I cant believe i cared so much, was crying my eyes out and praying so hard that you were okay, whilst you were sleeping. I felt my heart break. I was so disappointed. Why did i think i deserved anything better? Why did i believe your promise? Why, when i was doubting whether or not you would actually change, did i get mad at myself for not giving you the opportunity to show me that you can. I told myself it wasnt going to happen, then i felt so guilty for not having any hope. So i changed. I was so hopeful. Maybe it took me telling him how sad i really am for him to start caring. I was wrong. Well, right at the start. Wrong for thinking it would be any different.

I’m called controlling. Psycho. Crazy. I’m compared to an actual controlling psycho person. But let me give you some facts.

I’ve never told you that you can’t speak to someone.

I’ve never told you to delete someone. I asked you to delete price, not told you. And you never did and i didnt really even care.

I’ve never said you can’t do something, except go to a strip club.

I’ve never told you that you need to ask me about something. 

I’ve never said you cant go gym. 

I’ve never said you can’t take your shirt off.

The words “no you can’t go” have literally never come out of my mouth, and you know they never will.

Even after you ruined everything, after you decided to break my heart and my trust in you the way you did, i didn’t even tell you to delete her.

You went to Melbourne with your friends which during that trip is the first time you lied to me. You still traveled with them multiple times after that. I never said you cant go. In fact, i remember once, i was in your arms crying my eyes out because i was so scared. You said “i dont have to go if you don’t want me to. Do you want me to stay?” And i said no, you’re going. I’ll just have to handle it. All i ever did was tell you i was scared or worried or anxious. I’ve only ever always tried to explain to you my feelings as much as i can. But i’ve never asked you to not do something for me. I’ve never asked you to be left out for me. You cancel our plans to see your friends and all i do is get upset. You snapchat girls, lie to me, ignore me and other things, and all i do is tell you it bothers me. I’m not saying i dont yell or dont cause fights or something, i’m saying i don’t control you. I’m saying no matter what has happened between us, no matter how bad the situation, I have NEVER told you what to do. I don’t know if i’m just stupid, but i can’t understand how im crazy or controlling. Yes i care, maybe too much. Yes im so anxious, but i dont let that control me or you. Yes I worry, but I worry whilst you have fun. If my stress, anxiety, worry and silly mind were forcing me to control you and tell you what to do, i would get it. If because of my anxiety i tell you that you cant go away with your friends, that sucks, i get it. But me just telling you how i feel, and loving you enough to be willing to deal with it so you can enjoy yourself? that makes me a bad person? I’ve said to you before, before you went to Queensland, when you asked me if i wanted you to stay, “knowing you’re out having fun with your friends and living your life makes me going through what i will go through worth it. So make sure you have fun because i don’t want to suffer for nothing”     How you chose to feel / react to my stress and anxiety is on you. If you give up a night out because you don’t want me to worry and i haven’t asked you to, then thats on you. I’ve always been more than happy to deal with it. To be anxious and scared and worried so you can enjoy yourself. Thats why i’ve never said no. I would never let myself get to a point where i had to tell you that you cant do something just so i can feel comfortable. 

Thats what kills me the most. You may not realize it, but i silently do so much to make you happy. I go through alot of anxiety and worry but i don’t mind at all, because its worth it to make you happy. And you cant turn it around. I want to do that. Because its not my fault im like this and its not yours either. You wanting to go out shouldnt be a problem. So i don’t let my anxiety make it one. And i do this by dealing with it, and never telling you what to do. Its why it hurts so bad. I suffer. You know it. You’ve answered the phone to me in an anxiety attack because i thought something had happened. You know exactly how i am. It pains me to think you wouldn’t do everything possible in your power to make things easier for me, like i do for you. And im not saying decide not to go so i can have a stress free night, but if you know that something like messaging me and telling me your safe makes me calm and happy, why arent you programmed to do it? Why am i sitting here giving up so much to make you happy and you know it, yet the one and only thing you can do to not only help me and make it so its not just you having a great night and me a miserable night, but more you having a great night and me having a comfortable one, is send me a text. A text message. All ive ever asked for is whilst you’re out having fun and im scared and anxious and worried, is a text message. Why wouldn’t you want to make it as easy on me as possible, especially when its not asking much from you. 

If i’m willing to give up my sanity for your happiness- why can’t you text me ?

I’m not crazy. I’m not a psycho. I’m not controlling.

I have anxiety and worry about everything. My head always comes up with crazy silly scenarios that will probably never happen yet i can’t help but think they might. I care about him so much that i get so worried over everything. If he’s eaten, if he’s sick or in pain, if he’s out, if he’s driving. I guess thats just how i love. I care so much. And i will never let myself believe that its a bad thing.

If i asked you to write something like this to me, i’m curious as to what you would say.

I loved you too much? i cared too much? 

I just need to know what i did wrong, when all i ever did was love you with everything i have. 

[coterminalangle]

THE WINGS TOUR ANAHEIM DAY 2 RECAP

-FIRST, I GOT PLENTY OF PHOTOS AND I FILMED ALMOST EVERY SONG (not the whole song for some of them) SO IF YOU WANT ANY PHOTOS JUST MESSAGE ME!!

-so i was pretty close up: section 225 row E

-pre-concert, they played all their MV’s and no one was really hyped for like 2013-2015 MV’S BUT THE MOMENT YOUNG FOREVER CAME ON EVERYONE WAS SCREAMING OK EVERYONE WAS HYPED LIKE BRUH

-they started with not today and let me tell you, the moment they appeared on stage, they looked unreal. literally. they looked like perfectly sculpted wax figures istg

-i couldn’t believe i was actually there; i still can’t.

-they did silver spoon next and the beat was kinda different but it made it more lit so i wasn’t complaining and boi those hip thrusts i dropped my phone

-everything went downhill after that- not downhill like failure of the show, but failure of my heart and mind to process my emotions

-all the songs im gonna recap are gonna be out of order from this point down

-so they performed dope and of course jimin ended with that cute ass heart thing

-lost hit me like a truck

-they did this mashup of old songs- n.o, danger, boy in luv, no more dream??, there were others but i honestly can’t even remember i was too hype

-ok

-cypher 4

-c y p h e r  4

-i am willing to kill to watch that performed live again

-i don't usually say these things but THEY LITERALLY WORE THOSE RICH ASS SUGAR DADDY COATS OK HOSEOK WORE THOSE FUCKING SUNGLASSES AND NAMJOON IS SO FUCKING TALL AND YOONGI JUST FUCKING SLAYED MY EXISTENCE OK

-speaking of daddy, this bitch sitting near me wouldn’t stop screaming daddy throughout the entire concert and i nearly smacked her 

-but yes, cypher 4 made my existence whole again

-SOLO SONGS

-jeongguk that talented ass fucker who can do anything and do it perfectly i can’t with that boy he performed begin so well thaT DANCE BREAK THOUGHT OMF so much talent i-

-jimin was a whole king. a whole king. when they lifted him up in the last chorus in Lie, i almost chocked and died

-yoongi. yoooooonnggiiiiiiiii. ok so first love. they played this vvv emotional video before he performed and it fucking crushed me and then yoongi comes out and slays the entire human race .here was an orchestra and i was so weak ok

-reflection. ok so you see, kim namjoon is my whole heart and seeing him in person was actually so surreal and absolutely unbelievable. sure, call him my bias but he means a lot more to me than a label. anyways, this boi, so fucking tall. he looks so much taller in person. like i have friends that are 5′11 but kim namjoon i dont know why he looked so damn tall maybe because he’s a glowing bean but still i dont understand why he had to look so damn perfect i screamed i love you kim namjoon at the top of my lungs about 67 times. OK AND BACK TO RELFECTION ok you know the whole “i wish i could love myself” part?? well after we started chanting “we love you” he started changing up his lines and i dont know why but they hit me so damn hard just him singing in english and being able to speak from his heart while he improvd in front of 20,000 people was heart breaking and heart warming at the same time

-stIGMA ok taehyung and namjoon swithced places so basically at the end of reflection, namjoon runs inside the telephone box and then taehyung comes out of it. here’s all i remember from stigma: kim taehyung hit those high notes yes he fucking did

-MAMA MAMA MAMA OHMYFUCKING GOSH ok hoseok is pure gold, he couldn’t stop smiling, ohmygod. everyone was hyping him up and he couldn’t stop smiling he’s so ethreal god bless. basically he sat in this chair with the backup dancers around him and he sings mama and all that. and you know that pause before he goes “hello mama” OK LOOK HE STARTED WALKING BACK TO THE STAGE AND HE PUTS HIS MIC ON A STAND AND STARTED SINGING/RAPPING ACOUSTIC OHMGOD BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE HIS “HELLO MAMA” FUCKING KILLED ME OK YES IM A 94 LINE ENTHUSIAST COME@ ME also during mama thre were videos of fetus hoseok playing on the screen and i sobbed my little boi i lava him so much

-AWAKE WAS MY SHIT I SWEAR OK JIN HIT ALL THE FUCKING NOTES GOD FUCKING BLESS HE’S A KING AND THEN DURING THE PAUSES IN BETWEEN LYRICS HE WOULD JUST LOOK AT THE CROWD AND HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS GONNA CRY EVERYTIME HE WAS SO SINCERE AND SO THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL I CAN’T THANK THE LORD ENOUGH FOR KIM SEOKJIN

-okok so they performed save me and i shit myself

-they performed run and i was like MY SHIT dude they kept throwing water or whatever that action is called but boy was it a beautiful sight they were so happy i’m so happy

-well fire. um. threw me under a bus and crushed every organ in my body HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN PERFORM THAT SONG SO WELL AFTER PERFORMING LIKE 15 SONGS BEFORE IT BITCH THEY WERE SO IN SYNC I CAN’T BELIEVE

-21st century girl was so cute they were so free and so themselves ive lived

-i need u. wow tears fell from my eyes

-favorite part of every song was when they would just stop singing/rapping and the entire audience just chanted the lyrics tey looked so happy i can’t

-whEN YOONGI AND HOSEOK TOOK OUT THEIR EARPIECES YOU KNOW YOU DID WELL

-OH AM I WRONG WAS SO LIT OK

-they played this really emotional video and it basically was saying how its 7 boys but 1 heart & 7 hearts but 1 boy and i honestly didn’t think it could hit me that hard it was just explainin their journey and how they’ll always walk togther i swear to god i’m whipped sadly i didnt get a video of this video but ohmygod

-everyone served fuckin looks wowow blessed

-seokjin told us that he felt born again and i lost it AND THEN HE GOES “ARMY YOU ARE MY HEART” AND HE HAD A FUCKING PAPER HEART TAPED TO HIS HEART I CANT WITH HIM OHMYFUCKING

-THEN TAEHYUNG TAKES IT AND STARTS MAKING CUTE FACES WITH IT

-ok someone threw some flower plushy i believe on the stage and seokjin picked it up and pretending like he was pikachuing with it god i cant him 

-kim namjoon started thanking his mom for everything hes done and accomplished and ohmyogod i screamed “thats my baby” so many fucking times at all 7 of them im so whipped 

-he started talking about the rainbow and then got all philosophical and i couldnt stop crying hes all “after rain theres always sunshine and thats where rainbows come from” aand im pretty sure he connected us to being his rainbow somehow ohmygod im melting

-did i mention kim namjoon is so fucking tall hes so ethreal i cant even begin to describe how much i love him ok all of them look so fucking good in person they look like gods tbh ohmygod KIM NAMJOON IS SO FUCKING TALL CAN I HAVE HIS HEIGHT IM ONLY 5′6 GODDAMN

-seokjin’s intense waving at the end made my life

-JIMIN FUCKING JUMPED LIKE 6 TIMES OK HE WAS JUMPING FOR JOY AS IF HE WERE JUMPING FOR A JUMPING PHOTO GODDAMN I OVE THAT BOY SO MUCH I CANT CONTROL MY EMOTIONS HES SO PRECIOUS

-HOSEOKS SMILE IS ALL I EVER NEEDED TO LIVE

-also your ears are literally plugged in there from the amount of screaming and hype so all of them sound perfect and have the voice of gods then once your ears are okk you can actually hear reality

-spring day got me so emotional jimin’s dancing man

-2!3! i cant begin to explain

-ok BOY MEETS EVIL HOSEOK IS A MOTHERFUCKING GOD I NEED AIR OK HE SLAYED THAT SO FUCKING HARD OK THANKS

-blood sweat and tears man. blood sweat and fucking tears: a song title that sumed up my entire concert experience. ok but it was so good ok, they were all so into it. DURING YOONGI’S FIRST RAP VERSE HE HELD OUT HIS MIC AN EVERYONE CHANTED HIS ENTIRE RAP OHMYGOD BEST MOMENT HE LOOKED SO SATISFIED I LOVE MIN YOONGI

-oh yes during that really emotional video they played you never walk alone and i lost it

-i probably forgot a shit ton of stuff but i hope this gave you insight on how to die and live at once

-one of the best nights of my life-i cannot begin to thank bangtan for their wonderful performance and ability to hype up 20,000 people and get them all to scream “i love myself” and to get a crowd to scream lyrics in a language they don’t understand or speak

-all 7 of them asked if we will walk with them forever, so here’s my answer amongst the 20,00 people screaming, crying, and hype: bangtan,  i will never fail to support you and i will never fail to stop loving you. thank you for proving that dreams come true, even if those dreams seem like a reality because we’re numb to believing the nearly impossible. thank you for letting me stick by you and thank you for bringing the freshest sense of life and love and reality. so yes, i will walk with you, out of pure love and inspiration.

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #1 & 2: "so that was fun, and by fun I mean hell" - Ahrre

So I'm so confused right now lol. Like I feel like discord should have a similar format to skype, but maybe I'm just dumb and cant figure it out. Also the only people I know/heard of are on the other tribe which is fun. Hopefully I can set myself up so my lack of understanding Discord doesn't make me look like a liability to the rest of my tribe.

we legit just got into our tribes.. missus sweyn.. LOL. i legit don't know ANYONE!! APART FROM MY BABY RYAN!! LIKE WHO ARE THESE PPL? liek i've heard of rhys and malik from like other orgs but the other people like god.. why can't I just have my circlejerk like in emvv. ): and idk WHO IS EVNE ON THE OTHER TRIBE WHICH MAKES IT WORSE I COUD HAVE LIKE A BUNCH OF RLY STRONG PLAYERS who are gunna win every single immunity challenge.. and i ain't wantin to go premerge nnn. uhm. ya. thats my mood rn. Xo

Oh wow, hi it’s me, Mo. I’m going into this game with an advantage of not having a social life so I can be more active. I like my tribe so far everyone’s really nice. I only know Fabricio because he won the game I got PoTS on. But I think I’m going to withhold that information of him winning his last game because I kinda wanna be allies.

First impressions of my tribe, they’re pretty cute I guess I like people well enough but I’m always nervous about pre existing relationships people may have in other communities so that’ll be fun to manoeuvre around my plan is just to lay low be social and hopefully not stick out as a target

deadass the challenge has barely started and wes already has 2 images.. meanwhile his ass has prob spoke in the tribe chat like once and he aint comin in  my pms anytime soon so. LAMJHNFG . better hope his social game saves him over the physical x

this is my 3rd one already but this is important. linus is the first person to say haha to me. TWO! FUCKING! HA'S!!!!!! JUST SAY LOL!!!! SAY LMAO!!! IDGAF!! Omg this is geniunely my pet peeve and i wanna scream a a a a a  a a a a a  aa

Man, I'm back with Tobi from Survivor Ko Chang and that scares me to death. He claims he wants to start on a clean slate with me and work together again, but I don't trust him one bit and the first opportunity I have to take him out, I'm gonna do it, cuz I can't have somebody like him around. Bad for my game.

On the other hand of the spectrum, I know Michael from Zwooper and we've always had a good relationship so I think that's one person I can fully align with right out of the gate. I've also worked up some social connections with Dani, Jose and Ahrre so far, and they all seem pretty chill for the most part.

Right now, my focus is to win. I'm gonna go hard in this first immunity challenge and rack up as many points as I can. Losing the first challenge always sucks and I wanna make sure that doesn't happen for me again.

Okay im like mad excited to play this game. One Ive been kinda down, and this should help me be able to invest my time into something and potentially help me feel better.

Seeing this cast. I love it. I have really only worked with Felix in a past org before but we havent talked in ages. So I dont have any past connections which feels great because I hate people assuming were working together because were friends?. So this wont happen this season which is great.

So far my tribe is okay. Havent had a chance to speak alot to everyone yet. However the people I have done are alright. So far my favorite person is Scott or Scooty Toots. Hes British as well as me, he's 18 and we're both starting University without a clue what were doing. Like twins?!? So hopefully he feels the same way about me too.

Alliances are key. I want to make a few smaller ones to form a majority for me. Like two allainces of three. Giving me 4 allies. Not sure if this will happen soon or not, but its my goal to take control of this game, as Ive never done it before. I dont want to come across as controling however so smaller groups is the way to do it in my head.

Omfg y'all...... The game started like maybe 16 hours ago and I have barely spoken to most of my tribe bc I was a lil busy last night & had some damage control to handle in EMVV but like..... ??? I already found the idol in the Play Room CTFUUUU. We fucking stan. I immediately told my son Scooty because he's my bae.... I haven't had my hands on an idol in an org since like...... 703 San Marcos when I was voted out w it in my pocket (i think?? i cant remember any others so..) so BEST BELIEVE I'm going to use this correctly. THAT IS MY MAIN MISSION. I'm craving that satisfaction of a successful idol play...... I would love to cross that off my imaginary org goals list..... BUT WHEW I'M PUMPED.

I am making a pact with myself to not be an overly annoying gamebot this season because I just wanna have fun with it and make it a chaotic season, and this lil buddy is gonna allow me to be as extra and messy and turbulent as I please <3 big dick energy

Helloo so here I am doing this org thingy so you're stuck with my thoughts of regret until I die, or you could just not read them that's also an option.

Anyhow god save the queen blabla after more time that it should've taken me I get that I'm in one of two tribes of 9 which is kinda good because with snaller tribes I feel lime everything is more claustrophobic and shit hits the wall the moment we lose a challenge. But with 9 players imo I feel more relaxed.

So summary of who am I stuck with, there are a few who I know from before so let's start with that.

First off Jose, already played an org with him and we were good allies so my first instinct was to call him a bastard and hey he took it well so hopefully it will be a smooth sailing with that lad.

But after Jose I don't expect the meta to be kind to me.

Michael and Mo were both in my last org and I blindsided them both. Tbh they were good allies until that point so I'm more than willing to work with them in this game, hopefully they feel the same way.

But anyhow then there's Felix who I think I technically played with? We meet during a merge and he went out early without us ever talking much so really this is gonna be my first time really playing with him, he's the only one that I haven't talked to yet though I hope he gets online.

Then there's Tobi. I've heard of him and from the get go he strike me as a very straight shoot-y player. Those are always interesting to play with so let's see how that goes.

There's Dani, she seems nice and compared to Tobi she seems more social instead of strategy focused but then again it's been one day and I'm talking out of my ass.

Then there's jaylen who seems nice aswell even if I haven't talked much to him.

And finally David the absolute unit, and I say that bc he instantly started focusing on the challenge, which is a breath of fresh air plus he's Canadian so what's not to like thus far.

Talking about the challenge I get anxiety by just looking at it, scavenger hunts are always hard for me bc I live with people and I want them to remain thinking I am a normal member of society so I always need to be sneaky to do this crap, plus I don't have a car or anything so I have to use public transport if I need to go anywhere.

Apart from that well I would like to set up a 5 man majority alliance just to be safe, my only fear is the ever so feared overplaying-doom. But I feel like someone like tobi would jump on that idea pretty easily so I'll have a chat with him about that idea.

Oh and also look at me I remembered to guess for the idol TWO times in a row. I could die this very same week doesn't matter that's already an improvement on my usual gameplay.

Hi since I’m required to do these once an episode, I’ll use this one to talk about my tribe and maybe a few on the other tribe that I saw were on.

Guacamole - They seem fun. I talked with them last night, but our convo went short because we played jack box together. They seem nice though.

Linus - Mix feelings. I can get a completely loyal Linus here, or a cutthroat linus, so I’m kinda wary right now towards him but the vibes I’m getting I don’t think he’s going to be an issue, atleast for now.

Madison/Madisin - She was also at the jackbox last night and I enjoyed her, she was dying laughing at the games and I thought she was funny. So hopefully I get a chance to talk to her today.

Malik - Who? Let’s not talk about that bitch.

Rhys - He literally waits until we’re in a game to talk to me, so I peep it. And you could say I should reach out to him but it’s annoying when I have and he doesn’t do it until we’re in a game together. Boggles the mind. If I can overcome doing that, so can you. But I enjoy our current coversation as of the moment.

Ryan - We just played Mount Olympus together recently and that was a bust for us both. I’m kind of hoping we can be on the same side since it’s been a while since that’s happened. However, Ryan says he just wants to have fun so I don’t fault him if he does crazy things down the road!!

Scooter - I don’t know about him yet. We haven’t talked at all but he seems interesting. Maybe I can give a better opinion when we talk.

Steven - Very hilarious and I’m also intrigued by him. His thinking and way of talking during the jackbox had me DYING I loved it. I think he’s my new favorite new person here so far.

Wes - I only saw him once but we haven’t talked yet so idk what to say. He said he’s from ndims and is an alias of someone, I just don’t know if I know the alias since I was on that site also. But hopefully it could be someone who knows me as Orlando.

Now for the people I know on the other tribe:

Ahrre - I cant stand him too much after our last season of JPORG. He has this self righteous attitude to him and I don’t like it. However, I warmed up to him a bit during the movie times we had been present for awhile back so hopefully if we see each other again, I won’t have that opinion anymore.

Big Tuna aka Danielle - YASSS I love ha! I know her from the Skype minis and she’s amazing. I hope I finally get to play with her for once in a non mini game ❤️

Felix - Felix is a fucking wildcard. I love him, but he has really pissed me off in games in the past, and I’m hoping this one won’t be like those other ones.

Jaylen - A mess but a friend! He plays how he wants and doesn’t care what people thinks or tweaking it to better it but that’s Jaylen for you! Accept it or don’t phew.

Jose - He’s a fucking snake at times LOL but he’s lovely. I wouldn’t mind too much of being on a tribe with him.

That’s all from me for now so hope I stay around longer to see how this season goes!

so the tea is that this tribe is drier than an old lady's pussy and its so hard to talk to these people... there are no personalities... the only people i feel mildly happy talking to are ahhre and jose... and the tea is that both of them asked to be allies w me im like o ok sis lets do this so i have at least like 2 votes i know abt... and i know david from a prior org but thats not really a good thing bc i fucked him over hardcore and like... he knows im a snake LKJHDFSLK I really don't know how to maneuver strategically with this cast butttt ill try my best hehe

Oh wow!! I can't believe I haven't made a confessional yet what a shocker. BUT HI! I'm kind of just trying to get myself acquainted with everyone in the group, I'm not as active as I'd like to be :C but I'm trying my best teehee. On the first night or so Linus, Malik, Stephen, Madison and I played Jackbox games and it was SUPER LIT and We bonded over that and I'm v happy about thatttt. (ofc I already know madison and I already love her but I haven't talked to her in game yet aklsdjf) I just started talking with Scooty today, or Scooty? I might just call him Scooty, ANYWAY yeah we got to talk about how we type similarly and that was nice, we bonded over that and it was littY. I also got to talk to Rhys!! He also seems like a neat guy - I still haven't talked to him a lot but I think he's cool. I honestly don't know who else is on the tribe, Wes and Ryan right? Wes and I talked a little bit, but barely. and Ryan hasn't talked to me at all lmao. Hopefully right now I've made enough connections though. I'd like to make tribe swap so I can meet more people and make friends lololol - wish me luck gang!

I’m getting along with everyone really well so I know I won’t be the first fine at the very least so I just need to lay low laugh and Kiki with everyone and hopefully I can survive for the long term

I’m doing the Scavenger Hunt and knowing me I decided to wait till the last two hours to do everything I can. So now I have an hour and a half to film a bunch of videos

Okay so talking to my tribe Im begining to feel less at ease with them. Mostly because most of them hardly seem to talk. Which dosent bode well for me. Could mean im on the outs and they dont like me. Or that They're all inactive.

Madison seems like the easy boot right now just because like, who?!?. Shes not been around Ive messaged her once and she left me on read.

So Steven had to leave but we still have to do the challenge as if he was competing which PROBABLY means were going to tribal. So ive been working on getting an allaince going. Ive talked to Malik and Brought the Idea of us forming a trio with someone. Luckly he picked Linus because I talk to him aswell. So fingers crossed we can get that going.

I also have a great feeling from Scooty aka scott. So like Hopefully i can get another trio with him going aswell. So then I will be solid untiill a swap.

I do have a concern that Scott and Ryan are close and Malik and Linus are close. More so that I would be their second choice out of the trio if one is made. However thats not going to effect me I dont think this early. So fingers Crossed.

uhm so!! STEVEN QUIT which im rly sad for two reasons. one for him bc i know he wanted to do well and i hope hes doing ok and i geniunely wish the best for him and the other reason is selfish bc i literally.. planted my seeds on him already? like. all that work for nothin. and now we sitting here actin as if madison aint afk and aint gunna submit nothing..

like its the only reason ive done these dumb videos so that i wont be seen as the weak link if we ever lose again almdlddg.. but uhm hopefully my seeds that are in rhys/jones keep me safe bc if madison gets out here i have ryan/rhys/jones to keep me safe.. so im not gonna be that upset if we lose LOL esp bc ik linus/malik r gunna be scary af later on

hopefully we win tho? so i dont have to deal with this stress? i dont wanna relive louvre where i visitted every single premerge tribal except for 2.. even tho i did well hehe uhm. YAH WE’LL SEE :)

I'm kinda bummed that this last challenge wasn't immunity anymore because we smoked the other tribe, LOL. But at the same time, I'm glad cuz I wouldn't wanna lose the challenge after one of my tribe members quit, that'd just be sad as fuck, LOL.

Also, I feel a good rapport developing further between Danielle and I. I feel like her and I can dominate this game together, but I can't get too ahead of myself here. The first couple of rounds are meant to create social bonds and I feel like I've done a good job of that thus far. Only person I haven't talked to is Jaylen and I'm okay with that, cuz if we lose the immunity challenge, he's most likely the first one to go.

Okay, thankgoodness that the challenge was changed to reward last minuet. Because we wouldve gone to tribal.  Maddison is legit missing. I dont even care if we win or loose this next challenge because she needs to go.

So firstly that reward was weird like woo thanks pretty crown but there’s nothing else so I’m thinking that someone else has the clue and my best bet would be jaylen bc he got the Crown Jewels the most important piece. Overall I’m very nervous for this battleship challenge because in my mind it’s mostly luck based so my fate is really out of my hands.

Well, not much honestly but I'm gonna write a confessional for round 1 and stuff so I don't get a strike

The game is going okay I'm trying not to be aggressive talking to people, but just letting people come to me and make conversation right now honestly I'm trying to play UTR since I think considering madison doesn't exist right now I think I'm able to do that TBH. Hopefully it all works out.

I volunteered to do the battleship challenge thing because I have no life and it looked like no one else was gonna volunteer.

I actually know Linus he played with me in Epic SBB in Hell, so that's nice to not be going in with no connections period.

Sorry this wasn't that long but it's something I guess

If we lose probably another confessional will be writen but right now there isn't much to report

I’m for sure feeling a little bit more nervous now because a lot of this challenge is about being organised and teamwork and we could barely have someone sit out so fingers crossed

Heyo so we won the challenge so that was fun, and by fun I mean hell but hey we've got bragging rights, which is pretty much it since unfortunately Steven was medevaced out of da game so even though the other tribe lost they didn't go to tribal.

A bit annoying knowing you did that for nothing but oh well the other tribe seems to be having a rough time by itself with steven quitting and someone (Madison I think) not submitting anything lol

And I say for nothing bc technically we won reward but it was one of those first come first serve things and I only got seved a jpg image so nothing fancy there...

But at least now the next challenge is something where 8 out of 9 people on the tribe don't have to do anything and you bet your ass after that first challenge I'm gonna be one of the 8. David the unit took it upon himself to carry us to victory so godspeed lad.

However this challenge is pretty luck based so I'm saying fuck that I'm not talking my chances.

Following last confessional I talked to tobi about making an alliance and he was onboard, he proposed to have Jose on it which is great since that was my idea anyways, plus I told dani and she was also on board, and to finish up the hipotetical majority of 5 she said he was cool with Michael.

I haven't talked to him yet and Jose hasn't been online but hopefully we should be fine.

Ngl would like to have an alliance with david and felix too, david bc he seems like a total lad with the challenges and Felix because he later told me he felt the most confortable with me.

But regardless hopefully we won't even have to go to tribal (and if we do at least there are other options for the vote)

For now I shall be the dumb cheerleader of the bunch for a game of battleship.

Ahhh, I feel so bad that I lost the challenge for my tribe. I feel like going into a challenge with the weight of the win or loss stacked against you is huge. But I did come REALLY close and my tribe seems to respect that I almost got us the win. I don't think I'll go anywhere tomorrow for tribal, but you never know.

Yesss we won immunity. I’m happy we could after Steven left. They made our challenge a reward for that and we lost but it’s fine because WE WON immunity phew. And it’s all thanks to Wes. So far to me, Madison is looking the easiest vote off right now because I haven’t talked to her and I haven’t seen her so that’s my view on it. The three I talk to the most on my tribe are Rhys, Linus and Scoots. Then Ryan and Guacamole. Then Wes and finally Madison. I hope this game doesn’t pull a JPORG Fitzroy Island, I don’t wanna be screwed over by a random ass tribe swap. But I basically dig my tribe and hope that I won’t be the first to go.

Whew we won?! What. I thought we were gonna fuckin loose. Noah fence Wes.

Sad tings though because Madison is probably going to strike out. Oh well.

Ya boi still hasn’t gone to tribal so stay mad.

It’s fucking gross having to go to tribal council and I can’t be dealing but I seem to have found myself in two alliances with only dani connecting the two so I’m gonna work with dani to ride this middle ground and make it further

I’m going home omfg. I can’t really have a deep convo with anyone, which means I don’t have an alliance even though I’m sure one has been made ugh. I’m gonna focus on surviving this round then seeing what I can get set up next round. Wish me luck whew

I’m pissed because it’s super obvious that the other 7 on my tribe are in a mega tight alliance. Steven was my only alliance in this hole game, and like, he even told me he found an idol and then on his way out he didn’t even slip me the idol??? Can’t wait to be voted out 7-1 because he wanted a souvenir.

So the tea is that ahrre and I made an alliance of 5 which includes him, me, Jose, Dani, and Michael which I think is cute but they are really boring so meh idk I’ll just flip during merge x JDJSJD I’m a messy bitch

ugh i'm so glad we won immunity bc our tribe is already severely lacking in strong members bc Steven left us out to perish and Madison aint shown her face yet... so the numbers getting back to even is great for us <3

Right so unfortunately we lost the battleship game so that means we're heading to the first tribal of the game, fun stuff.

Now as we lost I got the Me-michael-jose-dani-tobi alliance set up. Meanwhile Felix was telling me that for him it was between Jose or Jaylen, since they've been the least active. Understandable but more understandable is that I'm in an alliance with Jose so for me it seems like it's gonna be Jaylen, who I also haven't spoken much with so I don't mind, albeit every tribal we go to before swapping or merging I see it as a potential ally down the line going home, which shucks.

Either way the alliance (and everyone else for that matter) agreed on jaylen, I also told Jose in kind words to get his shit together before he gets sent home but that's pretty much it. I'm gonna try to lay down for now I don't want to bring any unwanted attention to myself.

Hopefully tribal goes well.

Oh wow hi it’s me, Mo. Ok so currently the plan is to vote out Jaylen which I don’t have a problem with, it’s kinda sad because he is actually really nice but somewhat inactive. I’m on my way to get a burger and fries and I’m fucking ecstatic like I’m so fucking hungry it’s stupid. Also watch me get blindsided.

So we went into this chalenge on a high after wining the reward and I was the one who got the most points out of everyone :))). Although I’m nervous this will put a target on my back, I’m happy that I have kind of proven my dominance in this game! After losing the challenge, I’m upset!! This was all luck based which sucks! After that, I started talking more with Felix, David, Michael and Ahree. Within the span of like 30 minutes, I got added to 2 seperate groups. I was like “iiii” because this can get messy fast. Michael is in both of the groups as well so I don’t feel too bad because at least there is someone else in my position as well. I get along with Felix a lot and have had quite a few good convos with him! David seems to want to lead things in the group he made, which is whatever. Keeps the target off of me, especially if we go to tribal again. I expect to make more confessionals throughout the course of the game, usually videos but I’m pretty tired right now haha.

I just took a nap and there's no tribal and I'm always trying my best. My tribe doesn't hate me for some reason even though I sure would. Oh well. I really miss Steven I hope he's okay.

Steven quit half way through this episode. Then Jaylen was voted out 8-1.