#you know when i said i hate the repetitive sadness in this place

[waxingrunes]

October 1981 — July 1993.

[kazumist]

THROUGH THICK AND THIN .ᐟ

✩ — in which soshiro had forgotten the lengths of your love for him.

✩ — request: hi, can i pls request an argument with hoshina and how u resolve everything 🥹🥹🥹

✩ — includes: hoshina soshiro x gn!reader. hurt/comfort, angst if u squint. cw: arguments, implications of soshiro being injured but thats just it, soshiro is kinda mean Uhm, ooc!hoshina this is another experimental fic help me. wc: 1440. reblogs and feedback are much appreciated !!

if there was one thing sharper than the blades hoshina soshiro wielded, it would be the words that escaped his lips.

hoshina knows how to sugarcoat his words. he considers himself a good talker—negiotiator, if you would. however, when it comes to more sensitive topics, that’s when it all starts to crumble down. 

he never expected for him to catch feelings, especially with the line of work he takes. it’s too risky. dangerous. worrying. but he fell as deep as the ocean could get for you. you accepted it. him and his line of work. him as a whole.

yet soshiro seems to forget that sometimes.

getting out of a mission unscathed was impossible. he would always have at least one injury planted on him. it was a repetitive game of russian roulette where either his injuries would be severe or light. and unfortunately for him, today was sadly the former. 

a knock was heard at the door of the hospital room he’s staying in. a mission had recently just finished—about three days had passed, and soshiro was unconscious for the first two due to how he overexerted himself. “come in,” he says. and to his surprise, he saw you opening the door.

soshiro hasn’t told you about him being hospitalized yet—so how?

“captain ashiro told me.” oh. so that’s how. well, he was aware that you had also built a friendship with his commander. and that was completely fine with him. it was awkward when you walked over to the bed, pulling out the chair for you to sit on. you refused to make eye contact with him while soshiro just stared at you.

neither of you has an idea of what to say.

“i wish you told me as soon as you woke up. i was worried sick when i heard the news about the kaiju attack and all.” you said, keeping your gaze focused on your fingers as they played with each other. he flinches slightly as guilt starts to bubble up inside of him. it was already five in the afternoon and he’s been awake since ten in the morning. he wishes that he told you as soon as he woke up as well.

however, there’s one thing that has started to creep onto soshiro lately—fear. insecurity, perhaps. he gets haunted by the thought that you would definitely be happier in someone else’s arms and that you would be more happy being bathed in someone else’s affection. being with a man like hoshina soshiro was dangerous, as if it were a gamble to play.

because you never know if you’ll still wake up to him being alive the next day. and believe it or not: hoshina was scared—terrified of that possibility. he doesn’t want you to be sad, he crumbles at the thought of you crying in the first place. so he made it a task for him to push you away. to be distant.

to be someone you would hate.

that’s the only way he could keep you safe.

“sorry. i didn’t want to disturb you.” bullshit.

“why…” you trailed off. soshiro noticed that you werent playing with your fingers anymore and that you were now clenching your fists. “why would you think that? soshiro, your health matters to me.” his heart also clenched when he heard the slight crack in your voice. “why would it matter to you? i could die any day.”

“are you being serious right now?” he hates it. he hates the way that the first time he saw your eyes today, they were filled with such negative emotions. anger. hurt. confusion. “do i look like i’m kidding?”

“soshiro, why are you acting like this? did i do something wrong? i know we haven’t seen each other a lot because we’ve been both busy.” no, you didn’t. this is my fault, but this is also for the best. is what he wanted to say—but he just swallows up his words. “it’s nothing.”

“no, it’s not just ‘nothing.’ tell me what’s wrong, please? so we can fix it. it pains me when we’re like this.” it pains him too—it pains him so fucking bad. but hoshina soshiro is stubborn. so he will find himself accomplishing his task, whether it pains him or not.

because all he wants is the best for you, even if he wouldn’t be able to provide that.

— — — — — — — — 

he doesn’t know how things got so heated between the two of you. and he’s sure that you both might disturb the other patients who are confined in the room next to his.

“why won’t you just tell me what’s wrong? i feel like an idiot, soshiro! what am i?! some fucking mind reader on what goes on inside your head?!”

“like i told you, it’s nothing for you to worry about! what can’t you understand with that?!”

“what can’t you understand with me saying it’s not just nothing?!”

“and what can’t you understand with me implying that you shouldn’t care anymore?! dp i have to spell it out for you?”

you weren’t sitting down anymore, and hoshina doesn’t dare to speak anymore. fighting with you was the worst. and this time, he fucked up real bad. “i… it’s getting late. i should get going.” you say, and soshiro could feel a part of him shattering when he heard you hold back a sob.

the next time soshiro saw you, he was on his day off (a day off he didn’t really want to take but captain ashiro forced him otherwise since the doctors told him he shouldn’t be making his body engage in strenuous activities just yet). and the first thing he did? he visited you. he knew you get off work early on fridays, making you free for the rest of the weekend earlier.

he knocks on your door, although hesitantly. he’s nervous as he waits for you to open the door.

and he’s grateful that you still opened the door for him in spite of your last conversation with each other. you didn’t say anything as you opened the door further, inviting him in. the awkwardness gave hoshina a rush of deja vu about the awkwardness in the hospital room.

“i’m sorry.” although these two words don’t just cut it so easily, he thinks.

“do you really mean it? what you said in the hospital?”

his breath hitched as he found the right words to say. if hoshina was going to be honest, he hasn’t thought much about what to do at this point. surely, he had achieved his goal that night, right? “yeah.”

“liar.”

he turns to you immediately, and you were already looking at him to begin with. “you’re lying, and i could tell that because you’re nibbling on your lip. you always do that when you lie. just tell me the truth, soshiro, please.”

why should he? would you accept his reason? would you accept the insecurities that haunt his every waking thought? would you accept him even though he said such mean things to you the last time you saw each other?

would you still love him despite it all?

you would. you always would. 

and so he explains from the very start—when and where these thoughts started in the first place. and you listen to him intently, absorbing every single detail he says. once he was done, you took a deep breath. 

“god, you’re so stupid. did you know that?” soshiro lets out a weak chuckle at that, avoiding your gaze. you cup his face with your hands, making him face you. “look at me,” he refuses. “soshiro, look at me.” he then complies, slowly trailing his eyes across your features before resting them on your gaze.

“you don’t get to decide what’s best for me when it comes to this type of thing, okay? i love who i want to love. you don’t get to decide that i’d be happier with someone else. because i love you. i love you more than you could ever imagine, more than you could ever feel. remember that. engrave that inside your mind so you can never forget. you are the one i am helplessly in love with, soshiro.”

i love you. i love you. i love you. it repeats inside his mind. you are the one i am helplessly in love with. it echoes. soshiro feels stupid for attempting to become someone you hated in the first place. there was no way he could ever bear the possibility of you actually hating him.

how could he forget? you had already accepted him as a whole. through thick and thin, you will stand by his side.

[unluckilyimnot]

ANYTHING WITH SAE PLSSSS

love me back

itoshi sae x reader | fluff | 2.5k | in which you're sure sae, your crush, loves you back but you just can't ask college AU

m.list || rules || requests are open :)

note: anything you said, let's go then ig + stream love me back by fromis_9 thank you so much <3

“I think we could add this as well,” Sae mentioned, pointing to another part of the outline you two did in your notebook for your incoming presentation in literature class. You nodded and he started typing on his laptop while you prepared your speech. It wasn’t the first work you two did together, but you chose to be partners this time. The first time, the teacher chose the duo or trio and you two happened to work very well together, so as soon as another presentation was mentioned, Sae came to ask you to be his partner. Yes, you were shocked. Did you say yes without thinking twice ? Also yes.

There’s just something about him that captivated you, and you know you’re not the only one to think so. Yet, he was still in your room, sitting in your bed next to you and, yes you may be a little delusional since it was to work together but a part of you was proud of it. It’s in the way his eyes lays patiently on you when he waits for you to answer and there’s something inside you telling you that, maybe, he likes you too.

“But you see,” you muttered, taking your head in your hand and trying to stay focused. “I don’t see how we can connect that with it.” You’re pouting at your paper, tapping repetitively your pen on your notes, not even really talking to him but mostly to yourself. You couldn’t figure out how to connect the two dots and it was getting on your nerves. You sigh and the typing sound stops.

“Look,” Sae took off the pen of your hands and started to explain one by one the points to connect with his. Touching your fingers in the process. You learn quickly that he hates physical contact when a friendly guy tapped his shoulder once and Sae almost started a fight, but he’s okay with touching you ? Your heart started beating a little too fast in your rib-cage, but you had to listen to him. He leans toward you to scribble something and if you didn’t catch his cologne at first, you clearly did now. You felt like caving in, resting your head on his shoulder for a second and letting your body relax. You know there’s something wrong but at the same time it seems so simple to be around him.

“You’re tired aren't you ?” he asked quietly, making you blink a few times. Are you ? You tilt your head to the side, looking at him in the eyes. There’s something sweet in his gaze, longing in a way, he didn’t break eye contact easily and you can feel your cheeks heating up. “Let’s stop there for today. We still have time, take some rest.” he added in a sigh.

He started closing his laptop, gathering all his belongings and putting it back in his bag but you can’t move to help. He didn’t even let you say a thing and a sad wave hit you at the idea of him leaving this early. You liked it more than you should’ve, those few hours. Before he left, he grabbed something from his bag this time.

“There, for inviting me over.” You finally looked up at him to see him handing you some snacks. Your favorite. Your eyes widened, that’s the same you bring around at the library when you work there or in class. Taking it carefully, you’re about to thank him when his hand pat your head.

“Sleep a little, ok ?” With that, he left your place without saying goodbye and leaving you a blushing mess, rolling over in your bed. You replay the scene in your head, hugging your pillow with the faith feeling of his hand longing on your head and you swear it feels like a dream.

“You’re so delusional,” your best friend says, rolling her eyes at you. You just explained to her that you can feel there’s something between you and Sae, you know it, but she surely doesn’t trust you. “I mean, I agree that he surely knows about your crush since you don’t even try to hide it but that doesn’t mean he likes you back.” she added, sipping on her ice cappuccino.

“I’m sure he does ! You don’t get it,” you whined. “He’s not cold with me like you guys see him. He’s caring, really.”

“Yeah and I think you’re imagining it because you’re too down bad.” You scoffed at her, looking away and cooling yourself down before you snapped.

“Say that one who had a crush on an asshole.” you defended. “But at least I stayed on your side !”

“Okay I’m listening ! Tell me how caring he is.” she demanded sarcastically, pretty sure you wouldn’t have any evidence. You gulped hard as she put her face in her hand with a knowing gaze. You know damn well it won’t be enough for her who’s used to explicit gestures, but you still bring up your last study session at your place, how he smiles – and even laughs sometimes – when you take small breaks outside the library. She started to become interested, so you showed her the last text he sent you, asking if you felt better.

In the end she trusted you and got a little too excited about it. She almost stole your phone to read more text messages but you quickly brought it back to your chest. Her eyes sparkled. “Are you hiding something ?!” she screamed, thankfully you were outside the coffee shop, waiting for someone.

“No !” you shouted back, your cheeks hot and flustered. You’re ready to argue with her, defending your privacy with your life when her eyes shift from you to something behind you. Well someone seems more adequate. Two voices could be heard and an arm fell hard over your shoulders. Tabito took the place beside your friend, a warm smile on his lips and you could tell she was in love with it. Well him, in general but she had such a bad experience that she takes it slow now. The arm around your shoulders belonged to Eita, Tabito’s friend, who happened to like you a lot, let’s say.

“Ready for the week-end ?” Eita cheered, confident and with a huge smile. She nodded happily before looking at you.

“Did you find someone in the end?” she urged, blinking rapidly at you. This week-end, Tabito planned a date with your friend, but since she was still a bit shy, she asked you to come with someone too so you could tag along without being the third wheel. Well, Eita was coming as well, but you didn’t want to spend the day with him alone.

“I’m still there if needed.” He winked at you but only answered with an awkward laugh.

“I’m waiting for a call… I’ll tell you later.” Of course you asked Sae last week, but you knew he was quite busy and he seems to avoid your text. It felt like a treason if you were being honest but you couldn’t just show it. Or expect anything for him. Maybe you were in fact delusional, maybe he was just friendly with someone for once and it happened to be you.

11 in the morning, you were walking around in front of the gate of the amusement park. Chewing on your nail, you clench your jaw while checking your phone one more time. No text, no call, nothing.

“You’re sure he’s coming ?” asked your friend. She tried to sound friendly but worries could be heard in her voice.

“Yeah let’s just wait a little more please.” you begged. You were sure he was coming, even if your friend shook her head at your words. You received a message last night, Sae telling you he was coming and you were ready to wait all day for him if you had to ; but not your friends. Taking your phone again, you stepped a little aside while the ringtone resonated in your ear. You were begging in your head for him to answer. Then it stopped.

“Sae ? Where are you ? I’m not sure they’re gonna wait any longer. Tell me –”

“Turn around.” He cut your nervously fast speech without hesitation. When you did as he said, you could see him on his way, phone in one hand, waving to you with the other. Your jaw dropped slightly : he was handsome. Wearing a full black outfit with some shorts, all you could do was stare a little before he hung up and finally met you and stopped in his tracks. “You coming ?” he asked, his head showing you your friends waiting. You hummed, stepping side by side with him.

Your best friend couldn’t believe it at first and she kept on glancing at you not secretly but you couldn’t blame her. You were on a cloud as well. He accepted a date with you, if that wasn’t enough to confirm that he likes you too. Yet in the end, she stayed focused on enjoying her afternoon with Tabito when you mainly stayed in the back of the group with Sae. They weren’t subtle in any kind of way, making you giggle a little every time he touched her because she would wildly smile at you as if she just won the lottery. You were happy it was going well for her, she deserves it.

Walking around the park, sometimes running to another attraction one of them couldn't wait to go, you had a hard time to follow them sometimes. You barely had the time to get out of the ride that you just took that your friend was already rushing Tabito to another one with Eita. You couldn’t even catch your breath. 

Letting a noisy whine escape your mouth to seek their attention, Sae took your wrist gently, pulling you ahead with him to catch them. Suddenly, nothing was bothering you anymore, not your hot cheeks or even running around the park in this heat for something you didn’t really like. The only thing on your mind was Sae’s hand almost touching yours and a laughter left your lips.

Sae looked back, surprised to hear you laugh when you were complaining a second earlier but didn’t say anything, only the shadow of a smile on his lips. When you stopped in front of the new ride and he let go of your wrist, you heard him sigh. You tilted your head at him, brushing your fingers against his.

“You okay ?”

“I’m not really in the mood for one like this.” he shrugs, looking down at you. “Wanna eat something instead ?”

“Yes !” you didn’t hesitate, not in the mood either and you answering that quickly made him scoff – not in a mean way, he clearly seemed amused and your heart raced up, a silly grin on your lips. Without thinking, you grab his hand.

“Say, we’re gonna grab something to eat !” you screamed to let them know. “We’ll catch up later !” You waved at them before turning around, following Sae who took the lead. You looked around at anything that looked like a food truck in silence. He didn’t look at you, you didn’t look at him, yet he didn’t try to pull his hand off for the moment. Honestly you weren’t able to put a word on what was going on inside you, but if you could, you’ll squeak like a little mouse happy to exist.

After a few more minutes, you spotted where the food was and before you could think about it, you had a wonderful waffle in your hands. Sitting somewhere, hiding away from the sun burning your skin, you enjoying your waffle and Sae his crepe. He took a picture before taking his first bite.

“Is it for Rin ?” you exclaimed, before taking a pose. “Take a picture of me too ! You can send him too.” He grinned softly before the click sound was heard, and there it goes.

“Yes it’s for Rin, and my mom. She kept asking where I was going.” he confessed, sending it to you as well you guessed because your phone rang. You nodded, deeply appreciating the fact that he mentioned his family a little. You didn’t know until now if you could ask about them or not.

Before you could ask a bit more about her, three shadows appeared in front of you and you burst into laughter at your friend’s face. She looked like she just cried or saw a ghost, but it was unforgettable. No need to ask if the ride was fun, it clearly wasn’t. After they took a small snack as well, everyone was ready to keep on.

At the end of the day, your friend was exhausted, just as everyone, but she got even more clingy to her soon-to-be-boyfriend, if they haven’t already secretly kissed throughout the day. On the other hand you were stuck with the fact you two only held hands, even if it was enough for you, for how long would it be ? It was impossible to let him go without asking him, your feelings for him getting hard to keep to yourself and you already showed it enough, didn’t you ?

You slowed down your pace a little, expecting from Sae to follow you, which he does. You remained silent for a while, until the exit to be honest, not really sure about how you’ll put that sentence together.

“What’s on your mind ?” Sae ruined any, even slight, confidence building inside you and an awkward laughter escaped your mouth.

“Nothing.” you lied, smiling at him before trying to pull him to start walking again. He didn’t move an inch, staring into your eyes, waiting for an answer. You couldn't give him one, not anymore, so you pulled his sleeve a little more with an encouraging smile ; like asking a child to follow you and not make a scene. He was a complicated child, so he pulled on his side and you almost fell on him, surprised by the strength he put into this. “You’re rarely so mindful and down, what’s up?”

You know what ? He’s right. That’s not really the best timing for hesitation. Not after taking his hand out of nowhere for half a day.

“Do you love me back ?” you confessed, not daring to look at him. His shirt never seemed so attractive and the rough fabric of his jacket rested comfortably between your fingers. You’re not sure if you wanna hear the answer in the end, but it’s too late for that now. So you wait, patiently, a ball of stress forming in your stomach and you’re ready to head home in tears. You were so confident a few days ago, even a few seconds ago – you wonder where it went. It all ended in a whisper.

“I do.” his breath tickles your ear and soon a peck was left on your cheek. “Let’s go, they’re waiting for us.”

He took your hand again and it never felt so good before. You couldn’t talk, didn’t add anything but your smile says it all.

I hope you liked it ! ♡

[elusivecagedmockingbird]

Bleach

[yoongi x reader] [1.3k+ of tolerable angst and fluff if you squint; nothing much going on but feelings are there]

A/N: I wrote this when I was missing Yoongi and weeks have passed and I'm still missing him. My bad on the late publish! Work and life got to me. :/ I hope you still remember me.

-

Yoongi hadn't moved since the moment he entered the shop and sat himself at your usual table at the corner of the artisan cafe. The spot hides you from everyone else, but you get a pretty view of passers-by. And while most patrons would avoid getting seated at the table, for you and Yoongi, it was a haven and you were just glad you didn’t have a lot of competition over the seats.

Thus, Yoongi thinks it's cruel, how, in a matter of minutes, the corner that once felt like a safe place for you and him, suddenly feels too claustrophobic for him alone. He wants nothing but to leave the place.

Your quick departure was a contrast to his static posture at the wooden seat—ruminating, processing everything. You left as quickly as you came.

He estimates you had only stayed for half an hour, and in those gone minutes, it was only you who talked while he was shocked and blindsided by what was happening that he was rendered speechless.

"Yoongi, let's break up."

No hello kiss on the cheek, or not even a curt Hi. You dived straight to the point. Your candor is a trait he appreciates, but today, he feels otherwise.

His brain struggled to comprehend what your words meant. He heard you, but somehow he didn't understand the words and all that followed. Yoongi is a man of few words—never one to talk nonstop or hold the mic at get-togethers; rather, Yoongi is a listener.

But just for today of all days, he hoped he was more vocal; articulate.

Yoongi heaves a dry rueful chuckle.

How unbelievable, he sighs.

Was this a fever dream? Did he accidentally fall asleep while waiting for you and if he wakes up now, will he find you still seated in your chair taking pictures of him as you muffle your giggles.

He finds himself bargaining to whoever was listening to let this be a dream.

The café starts to fill up, he notices.

For years, Yoongi sat on the very same chair his ass is at right now and across from him is where you should be… still—that's how it always was. He doesn't see the point of staying and saving the other chair now.

He looks around one last time. Yoongi holds on to the chance that you're still in the café pulling a mean trick on him and yet, as his eyes land on his pitiful reflection on the glass, he loses heart.

He lets a few seconds pass before he takes the cup of coffee he ordered for you, albeit it's too sweet and creamy for this taste, he'd rather not have it thrown away.

At least, he'd get to save something that shouldn't go to waste today.

-

People say when you do something in repetition, it dulls the emotion that it carries. He wonders how many more sad desperate voicemails must he leave before he stops the aching in his heart. He hates the yearning and anger that races within him.

"Y/N. It's Yoongi. Please answer my calls. I just... I need to talk to you. This can't be it—the end of us."

He isn't sure if he despises you for summoning these odd feelings out of him or it's himself he dislikes for acting this way.

Yoongi had been recalling the days you spent with and without each other before the day you broke up with him. He has been desperately searching for a reason—he needs to know why.

Was it something he said or did? Or was it something he DID NOT say or do? Or did you just wake up that day and decided you no longer loved him?

It's driving him insanely frustrated. He doesn't pray, but lately, he has been whispering pleas and promises.

One phone call—just this once. That's all he asks for.

His phone pings and a notification from you pops up on his screen—

Meet me at Hakdong Park, 7PM.

-

Yoongi fidgets by the swings. His habit of biting his nails resurfacing and he faintly tastes blood as he nibbles on his thumb. He peeps at his phone to check the time and it's not long before it's 7PM.

Just a few more minutes...

He hears you call his name, your voice demure; soft. He wouldn't have heard you if it wasn't so quiet in the park, aside from the cicadas chirping behind the bushes.

Yoongi quickly stands up, but before he could run towards you for a hug, he holds himself back and roots his feet on the sand. Instead, he waits for you to walk towards him. And as you approach him, he wishes you would hold him.

Just this once, he pleads once again.

But unlike his last request, this falls on deaf ears.

You sat down on the swing beside Yoongi. He copies you and sits next to you—mindful that his knees don't touch yours.

He hears you let out a defeated sigh and he was ready to lead the conversation this time, but you speak first.

"I miss you." You turn your head towards him and smile bashfully. As if what left your mouth was something that shouldn't have been let out.

Yoongi can hear his heart beating; the quick pace melting the bitter butter words you poured over his heart not long ago.

"Then why didn't you answer my calls?" He wanted the words he spewed to be pointed, accusing, but that would never be Yoongi. He would never raise his voice at you, nor accuse you of anything other than running away with his heart.

You hum as you scratch your nails in your jeans—a nervous tick of yours that Yoongi learned over the years. He also knows how to quell those nerves and his hands lingers before attempting to reach for yours.

"I was afraid of what you would say." There were long spaces of breath between your words, as if unsure.

"You were afraid? Of me?" Yoongi confirms. He's left more confused than the last time. He tilts his head to peek at you, but the darkness and shadows cover your face.

"Not exactly. I guess it's more of your words. I had to keep away from you because I was afraid you would change my mind...about the break up."

Yoongi hums and nods. "At first that's why I called you." He wouldn't deny it, because his first thought was to do just that. However, as emotions settled and he found himself in a better headspace, he realized he wanted more to understand why you wanted to end things with him. "But now, I just need to know why. At least make me understand where you're coming from."

Yoongi clenches and unclenches his hand to stop himself from shaking; his left hand still intertwined with yours. He glances again at you as you nod and visibly gulp air. He catches the shift in your eyes, and he knows how your mind works overtime. He wonders if you're thinking of an amicable reason to shoo him away or were there just too many reasons to consider that you had to take time and sort your thoughts?

The former has to be it. He always knew he was difficult to love—always lacking. Not enough of this, not enough of that. He thinks he's got your answer, and he thinks he might not be able to take it if he hears it from you—so he prepares to leave. Yoongi pulls his hand away from yours. The warmth between your hands were slowly but surely being replaced with the cold night air.

"I loved you too much," you murmur. Seeming afraid of your confession. Disregarding his earlier doubts, Yoongi stands from the swing only to kneel in front of you and take your freezing hands between his. His bloodied thumb circling your knuckles.

It wasn't a reason he expected nor considered. His confusion must have shone through his face that made you let out a sad smile.

"You really should stop biting your nails." Yoongi watches in slow motion as you take his hand in your palms and lift them to your lips for a soft peck.

"I will if you stop fraying your jeans with your nails," he quips.

You softly call for his name again.

"I'm here," he mumbles into your joined hands—the warmth returning and spreading further into your limbs.

"I just love you too much and the thought of running out scares me."

Yoongi pulls your hand closer, encaging your arms between his as he rests his forehead against yours, "Then I'll fill you back up. I'll love just as much. You already know I do."

-

[fallininlust]

DOCTOR, MY EYES

pair. nick x m!reader genre. heavy angst

word count : [ 1.69k ]

description : unrequited feelings / codependency / house parties / porcelain bathtubs / tears / l.e.d lights / red solo cups / ash trays / rolling papers / decorated lighters / red eyes / sad frowns / squeaking shoes / speakers vibrating with the bass of the music

addiction: noun. the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.

Never — ever — fall in love with an addict. That is the best advice anyone can ever give.

Ain’t these supposed to be my glory days? Late nights, and I can’t even feel my face. Hate going out, but you said it was just a phase …

Turning twenty-one in the limelight of social media wasn’t easy, especially when you’d been known before becoming a legal adult. There was a certain expectation placed upon you, like being locked away in a gilded cage while the people who called themselves your “fans” wanted to protect you — shield you, save you — from what you’d been prohibited against. Those “fans” were the same ones who didn’t want you to grow up, they wanted you innocent and untouched. It made turning twenty-one that much more liberating. You’d already tried the things that were only legal for people of age, but to be able to do it publicly was a freedom you’d been yearning for.

As soon as the clock struck midnight, alcohol bottles were already littering the floor of the house. Those traitorous red cups on every available surface. Smoke filtered the air, adding a foggy haze to everyone’s eyesight. Ash trays on every table. After so many, you grew tired. And you expressed as much.

You’d found a friend at these repetitive parties. Most nights you forgot his name, but you’d memorized the way he looked. The dyed blonde hair, the subtle stubble peeking through his jawline, the tattoos decorating his arms. But the one thing you remembered every second of every day were those piercing, ice colored eyes. That shade of baby blue was forever tattooed into the back of your eyelids.

“I can’t keep doing this.” You’d hugged your knees to your chest in a random house’s bathtub, your eyes drooping and a bright red hue covering your sclera. You were well past high that night and it was causing you to panic, your ringed hands were frantically tugging at the skin of your face because you couldn’t feel anything.

The faux blonde had nodded along, running his hand up and down your back. “I know, baby.” He’d coo. “It’s just a phase, don’t worry. Soon you’ll get over the thrill.”

I’m not sure that’ll ever change. Will it ever change?

Your change of nature had surprised your fanbase. They hadn’t expected you to become part of the nightlife in L.A. because you’d always been so distant from it — at least that was what they’d always assumed, holding you on a pedestal above what could be called “trashy.”

Every time you would post a new picture at a different party, all the comments flooded with questions. They all wondered if the sudden change was permanent, or if it was just a phase. A good percentage of people accepted that it was who you’d become with adulthood, but there were still a lot of naïve people who were rather adamant that you would return to being a wholesome content creator.

Red Bull and tequila keep me upright in the night. I should’ve kept my ass inside. My friends wouldn’t let me, they know I …

With the life of a legal adult in L.A. came connections, and you’d fallen down the rabbit hole of nightly house parties. If someone you knew directly wasn’t throwing one, a friend of a friend was. There was never a boring night. Your “friends” wouldn’t ever let you stay a night alone in bed, they always found a way to get you out of your house. And you always allowed yourself to be convinced because you felt like you’d been missing something your entire life. Those parties, those substances, all filled a hole in your heart that you hadn’t realized was empty.

After a while, you felt like you needed it, too.

On the nights where you were well past inebriated and could barely stand on two feet — after having one too many cups of different flavored Red Bulls and tequila, you’d call the blue-eyed angel you’d met at those parties you couldn’t get away from. He’d sit next to you, his knee pressed against yours to keep you grounded. Your head would rest on his shoulder, feeling the rumble of his chest as he hummed along to your mindless babbles.

Most of the time, I feel too much. So, I try not to feel at all. Starin’ at the ceilin’, I … staring at the writin’ on the wall. Is there some type of—is there some type of pill I could take that would make it all go away?

On the rare night the blue-eyed angel found you sober, his eyes would widen softly at the introspective questions you’d ask him. Your eyes were trained above you, looking like you could see more than a plainly painted wall.

Your perspective on emotions seemed to have surprised him. He seemed in awe of your words, listening carefully and attentively to everything that left your lips. You were so different when you weren’t inebriated, and he seemed so enthralled by you. You loved it.

But you loved the parties more.

Doctor, would you give me something? Would you, would you? Doc, I’m only twenty-something. Would you, would you? I’m way too young to feel this numb. Would you, would?

Days would pass and it was a constant repetitive cycle with you. So much that you’d started to worry the people around you. During the day, you were always hungover and numb. Your eyes were blank, face set in stone, and wordless. Night would fall and you were turning to any substance littered around the house party you were attending for the nth time in a row.

The blue-eyed angel had approached you tentatively. His hands were light-feathered, gingerly grasping your attention. His own eyes would go wide with a certain softness you’d never been looked at with before, staring into the hooded and redness of yours.

His hands were cupping your face with a barely-there touch, talking to you in hushed whispers. He was pleading with you to take a break. To take a night off. To rest and recover.

It took over half an hour of convincing, but he was persistent. He stayed for every second until you were swayed by his persuasion. He managed to take you away from the party, into a car that belonged to his brother (who was identical to him. He was a triplet, you’d remember him telling you). He brought you into his home, gently ushering you to his room where he gave you liquids with electrolytes, food, and anything you needed to get you sober enough to hold a conversation with him. It was your dull eyes that scared him.

And my eyes, I think they’re already goin’ ‘cause I don’t see things too clearly. Think I could use a little perspective from you. I do …

You sat on his floor, back pressed against the wall like something was caging you there. Your knees were tugged up and pressed against your chest. He was crouched in front of you, staring at you with such a vast amount of sympathy — it almost made you want to recoil away from him. You wanted to run, but you knew he wouldn’t let you.

Nick (as you’d remembered) was begging you to talk to him, to look up at him even for just a second. And you did. You stared at him unseeingly — your gaze dead.

“I don’t see things too clearly anymore.” You mumbled, blinking slowly as you tried to gather all your thoughts together to form a coherent sentence. Everything seemed so distant.

He frowned softly at your words. “It ‘cause ya’ never sober, baby.”

“Can you help me?” Your eyes seem to gain a new light, a short spark of hope. “Is there something I can do — something I can take? I jus’,” you sighed softly, “I can’t keep doin’ this.”

He reached out, cupping your face with one hand, and smiling when you leaned into the warmth of his palm. “I know, baby. I’ll help ya’, don’t worry.”

‘Cause my mind’s always racin’ and I’ve been tryna’ slow the pace with— … Red Bull and tequila keep me upright through the day. And I should’ve kept my ass inside …

But you did worry. And you hated that you did. So, like clockwork, you were back at the parties you despised because being there meant you didn’t have to feel much at all. Everything went away. It all faded into a darkness you didn’t care to understand or look for. You couldn’t feel a damn thing, and you loved it.

(You loved being numb more than you loved Nick.)

You’d forgotten his name again. That blue-eyed angel, but you’d catch glimpses of him at those functions. That sad frown and those hurt eyes. It made you tilt your head curiously, too lost in the things you’d taken.

Every time you’d beckon him over lazily, his frown would deepen and he’d turn away from you — leaving you riddled with questions as to what you could’ve done. But you knew.

Deep down, you knew.

You chose the parties over him.

Most of the time, I feel too much. So, I try not to feel at all. Starin’ at the ceilin’, I … staring at the writin’ on the wall. Is there some type of—is there some type of pill I could take that would make it all go away?

(But should he have been surprised? Nick knew you were an addict. He recognized it the first time you’d ever spoken. You wanted to feel nothing after spending so long feeling everything. He knew it, but he ignored it. And that was his fault.)

(Nick should’ve never fallen in love with an addict. He never should’ve kept running back to you after watching your habits remain the same after so long, but that’s what love does.)

(In a way, Nick was just as bad as you were. He wasn’t addicted to substances or parties. He was addicted to you — to loving you.)

icarus inquires . . .

and there we have it. i scratched my itch for nick angst for a good few weeks. i have a fluff draft in the works, dw ( + some smut for halloween ). i actually do like nick, lol. i don’t mean to put him through it. anyhow thank you for reading this mess of emotions ( i definitely do not project in my fics, nuh-uh ). feedback is welcomed, and reblogs are appreciated <3

[shentheauthor]

Torn Tapestries AU snippet

Context: the Lamb is changing. Narinder is worried. How does one defy fate, you ask? Ask the cards.

Clauneck’s voice came before Narinder even came into view. He had known the cat was coming, as always. Narinder hated it. He hated how repetitive his interactions with the duck were, how he knew what the outcome would be no matter what he did to change it.

Still, he had to try. Even when the oracle said exactly what he had every other time Narinder visited.

“Oh, Death,” Clauneck hummed. “Shall we continue our exercise of futility?”

Narinder pushed aside the last few branches, revealing the small clearing that temporarily housed Clauneck. The duck was always infuriatingly difficult to locate, moving with unnatural speed. Fitting for one blessed by the First Gods, but endlessly inconvenient for the former god of death.

“How many times have I told you to stop greeting me that way,” Narinder growled, taking his seat across from Clauneck. The well-worn rug smelled of countless creatures, their scents mixing together until they were indistinguishable, except for one. Lamb.

Clauneck’s expression remained neutral as ever. “You know as well as I that this encounter shall be the same as the others that came before it,” he said quietly. “As well as the encounters that will come after.”

Narinder rolled his eyes, gripping the handle of his scythe. The blade dripped with heretic blood. Despite his anger, he still angled it so the blood ran off the tip and onto the grass, rather than the rug. Clauneck smiled.

“Many thanks, Death,” he said. Narinder huffed, placing his hands on his lap, palms up.

“Get on with it,” he demanded. “I do not have all day.” Clauneck said nothing in response to Narinder’s attitude, as usual. He simply nodded, picking up his deck of cards and shuffling them quietly.

He spread the cards across the rug, gesturing for Narinder to choose. As he had dozens of times before, he did. He always chose randomly, pushing certainty away with hope. He knew what he would draw, as it had happened time and time again. Always the same question, to the point where he didn’t need to ask it. Always the same answer.

The Lovers, inverted. The Wheel of Fortune, reversed. Death, upright.

Narinder snarled and threw the cards back down. “I will not accept this,” he demanded. “Their fate is not sealed. I know this, just as mine was not.”

Clauneck’s eyes filled with something akin to sadness. “Dear Death,” he said, “one cannot avoid one’s destiny. It solidifies the more one refuses to accept that they are wrong.”

“You have yet to tell me what that means, soothsayer.” Narinder glared up at the red duck. “I grow tired of your games.”

Clauneck shook his head. “I play no games,” he intoned. “I cannot answer your questions, Reaper. The only ones who can are you, and the Lamb.”

Narinder stood, dragging his scythe behind him, still avoiding the rug. “This was a waste of time,” he spat as he turned around. “You are useless.”

Clauneck hummed. “I shall see you next time, then,” he said. “May the answers be the ones you seek.”

When Narinder turned, Clauneck was already gone.

[inthe-afterglows]

A Court of Thorns and Roses Review

A Court of Thorns and Roses - 3 stars -Was boring and repetitive for the first twenty chapters, second half redeemed it but overall I didn't really get the hype. Tamlin lovers ... I will never understand you. Feyre was in that place for three months and Tamlin only attempted to see/speak to her alone once and they didn't even talk. They just made out after she'd been traumatised for months. How about some words of encouragement? How about trying to get her out? How about sending someone to heal her after Lucien was injured? Rhys played the villain to help her and you know what? It worked. She's only alive because of Rhys.

A Court of Mist and Fury - 5 stars -Was actually really good! Romance was 10/10, fantasy and action was 10/10. Chapter 55 really did live up to the hype and I loved Rhys and Feyre's banter and tension leading up to it -- they had so many good moments in this book and Rhys gatecrashing Feyre and Tamlin's wedding will forever be iconic. The last 100 or so pages had me so hooked with every plot twist gagging me. Also why is Tamlin pretending to sleep whilst Feyre is vomiting her guts up every night due to PTSD so funny and yet so sad? The ending of this one really cements him as a piece of shit. TBF he is not THE villain but he is Feyre's villain and I hope she makes him pay.

A Court of Wings and Ruin - 4.5 stars -Was really good, Feyre really delivered on her threats to Tamlin and I lived for it. Rhys and Feyre were both in top notch form in their final novel and all the action was great. And again to Tamlin lovers who say Feyre went to far in destroying his Court, let's not forget that when given the chance to be civil to Feyre, he double downed and basically called her a slut in front of all the High Lords in Prythian after thinking of her as property he could bargain for. I personally lived for Feyre taking down the Spring Court, it really showed how far she'd come since the last time she'd been (trapped) there and shows how worthy she is of being High Lady of the Night Court. Just remember, Rhys built her up whilst Tamlin tore her down. Again, he's not THE villain but he is the villain in Feyre's story.

A Court of Frost and Starlight - 3 stars -I liked the insight into their 'quieter' lives after the war but this was essentially a Christmas special. Nothing actually happens in this book plot wise and I actually really begin to loathe Nesta in this one. Kinda sad in this one that Rhys and Feyre weren't having their own little adventure like they talked of in acowar. I would've enjoyed it more plotwise if they had taken a week off to hunt Bryaxis or something (low stakes but still action-y) and they could have cute moments/convos whilst camping on the hunt.

A Court of Silver Flames - 3 stars -It made me understand Nesta more but I still don't really like her as a person. I think there was a bit where someone said she didn't fail Feyre and I wholeheartedly disagree. Elain and Nesta BOTH failed Feyre as older sisters when they were living in that cottage. They were both happy to sit at home and spend the money Feyre earned whilst Feyre was the one who went into the dangerous woods and kept them fed and clothed. I also didn't love the romance in this one because it wasn't a romance. Nesta and Cassian fucked and were friends but there was hardly any romance. Another issue I have with this one was the lack of anything really happening. This was more a mental health journey than a fantasy action / adventure romance which isn't really what I was looking for from a series like this. I think this one might've been improved with a Rhys or Feyre POV or even a Mor POV so we could have at least seen more of the politics going on in the NC at the time and with Nesta's mental health journey / training being contained to the first 30-50% of the novel instead of the whole thing. I would have liked to see her being involved more in missions and making amends more because her hating on her sisters and Rhys for over 80% of the book was really getting old and she really did not have a leg to stand on so it was infuriating to read. At one point I was really only reading for the Feyre x Rhys crumbs.

Overall: As a series this is really average for me. Out of 5 books I only really liked 2 which is less than 50% so I really didn't understand the hype for this series which was really sad because I really wanted to like it. I will say the world building was fantastic. I think the world SJM created was done so well but unfortunately the plot or lack thereof in a few of these novels really bumps it down for me and the pacing novel to novel really sucks. I also would have been more invested if the books following the first four still had Feyre and Rhys as main characters. As it stands, I feel SJM has mostly sidelined them from a storyline perspective for future books. I would have enjoyed seeing more of their adventures that they spoke of at the end of ACOWAR before they started having kids.

As for the Fourth Wing vs ACOTAR debate .... FOURTH WING all the way! I am convinced that people only like acotar more because it came first. To me Fourth Wing has the better romance and overall books (it certainly had the better first novel). This could change as more books from Fourth Wing come out but as it stands, in my opinion, Fourth Wing has given us 2/2 really good books (rated 4+ stars) so far, and acotar 2/5 so y'all do the math lol.

[jungkookslipring]

I think you should know you saved my life

Pairings: Jimin x reader

Relationship: Platonic

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

TW: mentions of c0vid, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts

AU: this was written so fast in such a short amount of time but it was what I was feeling in my heart. I apologize if there is any misspelling or repetitiveness. They truly got me through the roughest time in my life, and if I could tell them this face-to-face, I would. As always, be safe out there, sending all the love and hugs, and I can't wait for 2025.

"Remember there is a person here in Korea, in the city of Seoul, who understands you."

-Jimin

Nothing could have prepared anyone for what happened three years ago. Nothing could've prepared you for the sadness, fear, anxiety, loneliness, anger, and mental/physical toll it would take on you and your loved ones, making you feel 20,000x worse because they were going through it too.

Now that the world was in its current season, you couldn't help but look back at where you were when it all started. It was truly the lowest point of your life. You couldn't have felt any lower than that season of your life. Life also didn't prepare you for the blessing it would send you. Well, more like seven blessings.

Your wave of emotions hit you so randomly. You were watching a movie in your room when everything hit you all at once. The familiar stinging behind your eyes were not tears of sadness but tears of gratefulness. They didn't burn as much, but were quick to build before they would flow out of your eyelids. You couldn't help the sob that escaped your lips, and before you knew it you were throwing the blanket off of your body, in need of finding the person who was making you feel this way.

You pulled open your door and before you could run out, you were face to face with the angel who got you through it all.

Jimin looked at you, eyes wide with concern. Before he could say anything, you threw your arms around him, burying your face into his shoulder. Jimin was quick to engulf you into a tight hug.

"Hey hey hey whats wrong? Whats got our y/n so sad?" he asked gently. You shook in his hold while he walked you back into your room.

"Lets sit down, try to catch our breath okay?" he said calmly. He held you so safe and securely in his arms, your heart rate was calming down just a little.

"I-I just- you-"

"Shh shh shh shh let's try to calm down first y/n, we don't need you passing out on us okay?" he whispered into your hair, rubbing one hand up and down your back while the other held the back of your head. You sat there as small sobs wracked your body and tears plopped on Jimin's shirt. After a few minutes you calmed down a little more, Jimin never stopping the motions on your head and back.

"Do you feel a little better?" he asked wiping at your cheeks with his thumb. You nodded as you let out a sigh.

"What's got you feeling this way, sweetie?" he asked kindly. You shook your head, trying to keep the oncoming tears at bay.

"I'm just so thankful for you," you whisper, biting your lip.

"Aww y/n I'm thankful for you too," he said with a warm smile. His eyes filled with concern as you shook your head and moisture pooled your eyelids again.

"Y/n..." he whispered.

"Three years ago I was so lost. I was not in a good place, I wasn't happy, I hated my life, I hated myself, I started to believe there was no light at the end of the tunnel. My heart hurt every day. I felt like I had nothing to look forward to, nothing to get me through the day, nothing to bring me any sense of comfort or happiness. I was drowning in everything that was happening and I was letting whatever dark power is out there get a hold of me because I had nothing left in me," you say thickly as the tears started falling.

"But then I met all of you. All seven of you pulled me out of the dark hole that was swallowing me up. When I had no more fight in me you let me know it was okay and you got me out. You helped me find happiness, you helped me smile more, laugh more, and live more. I wouldn't physically be here if it wasn't for you. You saved me in more ways than you could ever know, and I don't know how to repay you or thank you properly for all that you've done..." you finish before wailing into Jimin's shoulder. The arms wrapped around you tightened enough to be comforting and grounding. Jimin shushed you gently as he swallowed the lump in his throat. He pulled you further into his hold and up onto the bed to where you two were lying down. You had to get everything out because you didn't think he realized all that he had done for you, but little did you realize all that you had done for him.

"Thank you for saving my life," you whisper when you feel your eyes drooping. Jimin placed a kiss on your head, tears falling from his eyes as he whispered

"Thank you for saving mine."

taglist: @felixmainacc @felixburneracc @myforevermelody143 @dunno-wut-to-do

[anime97-99]

NARUTO COMPLEXITY

⚠️Sorry, this is going to be long and I may sound repetitive at times!! I have to say this is my point of view thought I tried to make it as objective as possible!! Hope you like it!! Also I apologize for a bad use of grammar and vocabulary since English is not my first language!!⚠️

This post is dedicated to exploring and analyzing Naruto’s characters through the whole series including Boruto. Starting with Naruto, he is supposed to be a pure and innocent boy, naive who doesn’t understand feelings and seeks acceptance from other people in search to experience those positive feelings such love, friendship and what feels like to have a family.

Since Naruto was young he tried to get attention from other people even if this attention resulted in disgust towards him, he acted out of fear of being alone, just imagine a child living alone in an old flat located on the outskirts of the village which is probably a dangerous area full of criminals arm with swords, shuriken…

Like this isn’t enough he is hated by the whole village without him knowing the reason and the only support came in money from Sarutobi, I suppose being the third hokage took a lot of time and he did what he could with Naruto but at the same time I think you shouldn’t just give money for the rent to only a child and that’s it. I think he wanted to secure his image at the same time protecting Naruto and the villagers from harm (if the villagers noticed that the hokage was supporting “the demon” they probably would have started to distrust Sarutobi and a fight between the higher ups and the villagers to get ride of Naruto would have taken place because of the fear of thinking that Sarutobi is allying with the enemy), so he chose to spend less time with him, which is not the best decision but it was made with good intentions.

Then Naruto has a goal and a dream, to be recognized and accepted by everyone becoming the hokage, that translates to turn the hate into love, the naive dream of being loved by everyone (falling in love with being in love, like Ada said, (fall in love with the love from others, when mother said “you just loved how much I loved you” in the movie Mother, which I recommend, they touched on this topic) Naruto is really idealistic and romantic (romantic not as love but as romanticism), themes that are presented in classic literature and offend end in tragedy, It almost looks like part of Naruto is heavily inspired by Romanticism literature, for example some similarities are that it is really idealistic, it has drama, love, tragedy, though the ending may not be the best it could be actually be considered a happy one.

The definition of Naruto’s personality as a selfless and self-sacrifice person. His worse fear is to be ignore and be alone, that is why he is loud and problematic, to attract eyes towards him. He is not self centered, he is the whole opposite, he cares a lot about what other people say that is why he is explosive since young, he is sad and shows that sadness with anger and a fleeing personality.

The first person that makes him not feel alone is Sasuke and this is really important, we have two kids with problems, they are obviously different from Naruto point of view but then one afternoon he sees Sasuke alone and they meet eyes, this is a really important scene they see themselves reflected in each other eyes that is why Naruto finally recognizes Sasuke and Sasuke sees Naruto who used to be only an annoying child, and with this it shows an union, two children who hates each other because of their differences have a lot in common and ends in them being the only ones to truly understand each other pain and loneliness. Thought this is more complicated since Sasuke knows about love, what is a family, what is friendship and he is popular and loved by teachers and students, but he also experienced since really a young age the pressure to be part of an important clan and to have a genius brother being constantly compare to you by everyone even his family, though his mother tried to calm him down by saying Itachi is different this is really bad to say to a child!! This comment will make him think that he is less that Itachi and will create distance between his brother and family, it will end in an inferiority complex.

Through Naruto’s series he will be so obsessed with revenge he will forget about himself and others, hurting the people that loves him in the process, he is so fixated in revenge that he forgets there’s more than just killing his brother but he is stuck in the past, showing obvious signs of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), OCD (obsessive compulsive syndrome). He could be compare with Coriolanus Snow from the Hunger Games who loved someone, looked like a good person and was loved by his family but his obsession with power made him a villain and someone to be feared. Like Niccolò Machiavelli said “the end justifies the means”, this is their ideology, thought Sasuke is still unable to kill Naruto, his feelings towards him are so big that killing him is worse than committing suicide.

Following Naruto, he is someone who only knows about negative feelings that is why he seeks acceptance an love, he is in love with the idea of love like Ada, he chooses Sakura as his crush because she is really intelligent and a very good student (I believe Sakura has the same fear as Naruto, she was bullied because of her forehead and she wants to be liked by everyone, so she studies hard to be the best student and if Sasuke who is the most popular and handsome boy sees her then those bullies who constantly hurt her about her appearance will shut their mouth, so just as Naruto she wants to be seen and recognized, though the way they act is different, Sakura is really insecure and has to prove herself through others praise this probably because of the bulling even if Ino is there they got separated at some point which made Sakura limit herself even more, she is like a white canvas that change not because of what she likes but what the others want to see on her. Sasuke likes long hair then she will have long her even though she obviously prefers a shortcut, that is why Ino was really important in her life, she was the first to tell her she is beautiful and she doesn’t need to listen to other bullies but Sakura necessity of being recognize through Sasuke and Ino liking Sasuke made them get separated and a healthier development for Sakura to explore herself with the help of someone to support and guide her as an equal was stopped). Sakura didn’t fall in love with Sasuke, she fell in love with the idea he represented.

Also Sakura’s inner voice is totally normal, it is not her having another personality it is just showing her subconscious and unconscious mind who everyone has. Just stop and analyze yourself then you will notice a tiny voice going on an on, it is just your brain thinking, it is completely normal. This reflects real Sakura, what she desires compare of how she acts to be liked by other people, or didn’t you notice for example a friend showing you a dress and you telling them is beautiful to not hurt their feelings but inside you are thinking it is horrible, it’s the same thing with Sakura is very human!!

You can’t analyze Naruto’s characters like Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke without taking account of their closest influence including each other, Kurama, Jiraya, Iruka, Ino, Tsunade, Sarutobi, Kakashi, Gaara, Rock Lee and maybe Sai with the other friends such as Shikamaru and Choji… So continuing with Naruto who works really hard the same as Sasuke and Sakura (even thought he doesn’t know and thinks of then just as genio is), but contrary of them he doesn’t obtain results ending in frustration, (thought he does gardening which is something psychologist recommend, is really good to maintain the mind relax focused and concentrate in just one thing and make yourself conscious of reality, this is to make the brain take a break from overthinking which saturates it, make it concentrate in just one thing at a time will help you to control yourself, it could be through meditation, but also through gardening, doing crafts, reading whatever you like always doing it without pressure just to enjoy, understand your feelings and let them pass being conscious of them but not avoid or succumb to them just taking notice of reality and that those negative thoughts and feelings exist and you can just let the past without judging yourself), (judging is negative while feedback is positive).

At the beginning of Naruto, since the first episode, you see Iruka as a parental figure to Naruto who loves him and supports him, who scolds him and teaches him, who protects him and accepts him, and Naruto realizes he is not alone, but also discovering that he is seen as a monster because he has a “demon” inside him. This gives him a reason to prove himself as a separate entity from Kurama and confirms the possibility of being loved and accepted because of Iruka (a villager who feared and hated him from killing his parents, but Iruka realized that he didn’t hate Naruto but the demon inside him thanks to the guidance from Sarutobi), and that is enough for him to keep trying.

Naruto’s goal to be hokage is getting stronger, but he is too worry about it to stop and analyze himself the same happened with Sakura and Sasuke.

The boy wants to love and be loved but he didn’t even know the meaning of this feelings that is why Naruto, the series, is about self discovery, the most important part when people realized what they are or want to be is during their teen years that is why we see the characters going through a roller coaster of emotions!!

Kishimoto has called Naruto too idealistic and naive who didn’t understand Sasuke, Sasuke as a pure and self-centered and Sakura as more than just cuteness!!

If we analyze it I interpret that Naruto love for Sasuke is too pure and he is too naive, someone that doesn’t understand love and is experiencing it, he is supposed to realized that he loves Sasuke in a different way and there are different kinds of love but it is still too early to understand, Sasuke who understands love and experienced all kinds of love realized that what he feels for Naruto is romantic love, that is why he gets frustrated at him when called his brother or friend, but Naruto that at the end explains what means to be his friend, (which is the same Ada said in Boruto to Mitsuke when explaining her love to Kawaki) he realized that he was special and their feelings were the same even if Naruto didn’t notice the difference.

And both, Ada and Naruto called themselves fools because of love!!

Now Sakura is not cute, it was said by Kishimoto, but for real being cute or not is not that important that is why Kishimoto says she is more than just cuteness!! She is intelligent and determined and if she wanted she could be really powerful remember she is the best at understanding and controlling chakra a quick learner, and she is the smartest of the three but her fixation in Sasuke limited her.

Talking about Naruto’s development as a person, for me Naruto puts a lot of limits on himself because he wants to pleased everyone and is scare of what other people will think of him. Naruto’s world is closed minded, with traditional thoughts, the representation of Japan at that time. The same way Sakura chose Sasuke, Naruto chose Sakura. Though I think he realized that what he felt for Sakura is the same he felt for others like Shikamaru or Choji, still since he liked Sakura a lot as a friend he thought it was good to love her, he didn’t understand what romantic love is, he just wanted to experience it, to explore it and to not be lonely.

His self dicovery soon would be questioned in the form of Sai, a sexualize boy who will make Naruto question his sexaulity, Naruto has never show interest in any woman, (he actually show interest in one and that one looked like Sasuke and that’s it) even Jiraya thinks it is strange for a teenager full of hormones to not get interested in beautiful woman or describe porn as boring. But Naruto gets loud and nervous towards Sai, he gets shy and blush when bathing with naked men and protected himself hiding under the water (it reminds me of the bath scene from Mulan), to make it more obvious for the readers Kishimoto makes Yamato say that Naruto shouldn’t act strange between men, showing what Naruto felt and Yamato acting as their society that they categorize his behavior as strange and not normal.

Naruto starts to understand himself and the possibility of being sexually attract to men but is afraid of what other people would say and rejects himself, he is just a repressed boy. He doesn’t like Sai he is a person who doesn’t care about being labelled and shows interest in Naruto without embarrassment (because yes, Sai is someone who doesn’t understand himself not his feelings but being with Naruto and Sakura made him understand what friendship was, the way he act showing it made Naruto nervous overthinking things because he was attracted to him and being too close made him nervous at how careless Sai was). He also got nervous and overreacted with Kakashi when he praised him thinking he likes him, and when ask what he is thinking about, when he is thinking about Sasuke changes and says he is thinking of going on a date with Sakura, which could be also a way to make others don’t worry about him being so upset and depressed about Sasuke or it could be his repressed feelings towards him, which he unconsciously has but is not aware of them and their meaning.

In Naruto Shippuden we see a development of Sakura’s character, in the first part she cut her hair symbolizing breaking through her fixation in being and do everything to please Sasuke, now in Shippuden to me she started to see herself as a whole, with her own identity, separating herself from Sasuke.

The decision of Sasuke leaving was positive for her character, she found a new goal and her feelings for Sasuke became more dull. I would say that see started to see Naruto as a love interest, someone good for her, a good friend that respects her but since she is observant and intelligent realized Naruto’s real feelings at the end and decided to not confess or she didn’t realized her feelings towards Naruto because she was too fixated in Sasuke and was confused at her change of heart.

For Sasukeas I said before, he always knew about Naruto’s feelings that is why when Naruto says that for him Sasuke is a friend he looks angry an confuse, as Kishimoto said Naruto is just too naive to understand Sasuke frustration, he showed it pretty clear, and as a Chinese proverb says “A picture is worth a thousand words”

Naruto is idealistic and naive, in this picture he is oblivious and daydreams imagining his own world without realizing that his world is centered around Sasuke and him, and that makes Sasuke frustrated because Naruto doesn’t understand his feelings. Naruto is obviously drawn in a compromising way, he is wearing shorts and a shirt, or maybe he is not wearing a shirt with the angle we can’t tell for sure, that shows a lot of skin, Sasuke is supposed to be thirsty but he is lost looking at him that he forgot the water, then we have Sakura looking at Sasuke, and Kakashi who is in his own world Xd. The water could be a representation of arousal, sexual deviance and the repression of desire.

Even thought at the end Sasuke understands Naruto, the guilt overtakes him and he decides to leave the village for redemption hoping that when he returns Naruto will be there for him but he is not, Naruto moved on and is getting married and Sasuke distanced himself from him too hurt to attend the wedding, also sending a poor congratulating letter which feels more like a mocking than anything else, though we don’t know what happened for two years, from Sasuke leaving to Naruto marrying Hinata, so maybe many things could have happened, I say this because Naruto seems to have changed, he looked serious when marring Hinata and he sleeps in another room separate from her, he is a workalcoholic and spends little time with his kids, he is a bad father.

People will get mad saying it doesn’t make sense, Naruto doesn’t understand love in The Last and he is a bad father but they forget that he never had a father or mother and he doesn’t understand the different kinds of love so through his adulthood he realized his feelings for Sasuke, that is why when Kurama said that Sasuke and Naruto are like brothers he said that he never felt it that way, Sasuke has Itachi and Kurama is like a brother to him not labeling his relationship with Sasuke.

Remember I said that he didn’t fell in love with Sakura but since he liked her as a friend and wasn’t able to differentiate the different types of love he confused it as a crush probably because he liked her (as a friend) and she was a girl.

Sakura was confused because she knew about Naruto’s feelings for Sasuke but at the end decided not to comment on it showing her dislike and opinion as a reflection of Naruto’s closed minded society, which is a critic to Japan’s society at the time, maybe it was not that and she just thought that Sasuke could hurt him again as she saw Naruto suffered during Shippuden. So instead of making him realized his feelings she encouraged Hinata thinking that she would be better for him, I believe she did it with good intentions but the decision she made was made based on her values and that wasn’t the correct decision for Naruto.

This way of thinking also shows in Iruka, his parental figure, and Kakashi, they know but they don’t say anything, this is obvious when Iruka gets mad at Naruto deciding to marry Hinata but doesn’t encourage him to talk with Sasuke, Iruka suffers in secret and thinks he did wrong not talking with him but at the end he will just observe (we are talking about Iruka, he is extremely strict, diplomatic and a person who always follows rules and he didn’t prepared anything to say in the wedding day that should be enough in what he truly though of it), Kakashi also knows but he never served as an emotional support at that scale those were Jiraya, who died, and Iruka who is part of the same village, maybe he is just afraid of what they will think and how could affect Naruto’s reputation since his “dream” is to be hokage, which actually was to experience love and be loved (like Ada) and not feel lonely.

The last two pictures compare a Sasuke’s card vs a formal card to give in a wedding and if you notice the villagers card is like the formal one but Sasuke is different, like making fun of it!!

As this quotes says, “hell is paved with good intentions not with bad ones. All men mean well”. George Bernard Shaw

“For evil to flourish, it only requires good men to do nothing.” Simon Wiesenthal

“Bad decisions made with good intentions, are still bad decisions.” James C. Collins

A little poem reflecting Sasuke losing Naruto;

what's it to me

if you love me or

miss me or need me

when you are doing

nothing to be with me

if you can't allow me to be

the love of your life I will be

the loss of your life instead By Rupi Kaur

Japan at the time practiced arranged marriage, a marriage without love is not hard to imagine happening in Naruto’s world, even more between people with high occupations to unite important families. Hinata also commented on it.

The people that loves us can hurt us even if they have the best intentions.

Actually there are a lot of things that I didn’t say but I decided to stop here because if not it would be too long and for being repetitive!! Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it and feel free to comment!!

Also if you watched Shang-Chi and the legend of the ten rings you may notice why Kishimoto is so excited with Destin Daniel Cretton he really likes him because he is open minded, but actually the film when watching it reminded me a lot of Naruto!!

[robincantfunction]

𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐰 ♪

pt. 11

|series masterlist|main masterlist|taglist|

ex bf - friend!james potter x reader (platonic)

bf sirius black x reader

summary: after sirius left his family, james starts to realise quite how badly he screwed up, and although he appears to already be forgiven by everyone involved, there’s one last person that still hasn’t. himself. (this is quite repetitive i won’t lie, but it’s mostly just a look into james’ guilt.)

warnings: kinda angsty on james’ part. swearing, mention of hospitals, smoking (just cigarettes), talks of cheating, self loathing from james - i have a habit of writing james really ooc, so hopefully this has redeemed it slightly. because we all know if james cheated on someone his guilt would be through the roof. i should also mention, sometimes this series (especially this part) might seem a little bit like i’m condoning cheating, and like it’s not a big deal. i assure you that’s not the case, and if y/n was my friend i might have to stage an intervention.

a/n: this randomly switches from lowercase to not all lowercase, back to lowercase again cause during my 8 month hiatus i put my caps lock on and off again and couldn’t be bothered to change it, and i started writing this before i took an unplanned break.

but anyway hello! i’m back. hopefully for a while cause i have some wip’s that i’m very excited to start writing again. but yes i hope this was worth the wait (it probably wasn’t)

gif not mine

when lily wasn’t there for him to be blinded, he started to notice the reasons he began to fall for y/n in the first place. of course, he wasn’t going to do anything. she was happy, he was happy. but seeing her happy with someone else made him admittedly more jealous than it should’ve. he broke her heart, he left her alone, it was his fault. he shouldn’t have been upset, but standing in st. mungos seeing y/n curled up into sirius’ side asleep whilst he was looking at her, just studying all of her features, and playing with her hair, he felt a pang to his heartstring. but if he was completely honest with himself, instead of living in a constant state of denial, he would have realised that feeling wasn’t jealousy. it was guilt. because watching them made him think about when he could have had that, and he threw her on the floor like he would a crumpled up potions essay.

“prongs, mate. sit down. y’alright?” sirius said softly, as to not make him jump, and to not wake up y/n. james chuckled slightly, bringing a chair beside his bed. using the same soft tone, he responded “you’re in a hospital bed, and you’re asking if i’m alright?” sirius shrugged with a slight laugh “y’just looked a bit in your own head s’all.” james nodded, barely meeting sirius’ eye “d’you think she hates me?” he nudged his head towards y/n, worried of what sirius would think his question insinuates.

“well… i don’t know. i don’t think so. she was a wreck, james, but i don’t think she could ever really hate you.” taking a bit of a pause, he thought about his next words carefully. “she really struggled, y’know. found it hard to find a reason to get out of bed. thought she wasn’t good enough, not just for you, but for the world. it took its toll. but…” he looked down at her then back at james, stroking and playing with her hair unconsciously. “if she hated you she wouldn’t have cared she wasn’t good enough, she wouldn’t have tried to keep the peace when with our friends, she would have shown you how mad and sad she was, instead of letting you be happy because that’s all that mattered.” james looked relieved, but his speech didn’t do much for his guilt. but that was ok, he deserved the guilt. he knew that.

“so to answer your question, i don’t know. because i’m not y/n, but i do know her. and i can safely say that if she truly hated you, she would have done everything in her power to ruin your happiness. but she didn’t. she didn’t even tell anyone what happened.”

those words were stuck on a loop in james’ head for about a week. over and over, each words replayed with a different meaning. each word held a story, her story, his story, their story. and each one ended with lily and james. but not all of them ended with sirius, because what if? what if sirius hated james for initially ruining his chances with the girl he liked? what if he didn’t stick around? what if he wasn’t there to save the day when y/n needed him?

what if?

what if?

what if?

every time it would just get louder, the voice in the back of his mind. “you could have ruined her belief in love.” “you could have left her alone and someone might not have been there for her.” “you were so selfish, sleeping with lily.” it all drowned out and merged into one big noise, every voice somehow making an appearance every time he opened his eyes, closed his eyes, looked the other way, turned around…

“james.” he was cut off by y/n, her and sirius were staying with him for the rest of the summer. sirius because he had no where else to go, and y/n because neither her nor sirius wanted to leave the other. both james and his parents were understanding, and he wasn’t going to get in the way of her happiness again. “what’s wrong?” she asked, mildly concerned by his behaviour the past couple of days.

“I just want to say sorry” she cocked her head in confusion. “Sorry? Why?” He chuckled humourlessly. “I was a selfish dick to you, who used you to get over a girl i slept with not too long afterwards. And you’re asking me what I’m sorry for?” She shook her head. “James I don’t care anymore. Ok, I was hurt. I wanted to hate you. But I wouldn’t have Sirius without what happened. Because we’d have broken up in a nice clean way, and sirius wouldn’t be needed to help my heartbreak. Things happen for a reason, james. Don’t beat yourself up so much”

That conversation stuck with him, he never thought he’d be missing y/n. And he wasn’t, not really. He was just hiding behind denial and guilt, forcing himself to belief that he hurt her beyond repair. turns out hindsight is a bitch, and james didn’t know how to handle it. he always prided himself in being a classic, charming ‘nice’ guy. but what he did was anything but, and he couldn’t stop the thoughts swirling around his mind telling him that he was a bad person, that he didn’t deserve y/n when he had her, and he certainly doesn’t deserve lily now.

————

james was standing outside his house in the rain, hiding in the little shelter near the back door, he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his coat pocket, along with a lighter. as he was fumbling with the box, trying to get one out and light it, his mind was continuing to wander. over the past two weeks he was being plagued by guilt, by the idea that he could have hurt someone so badly that they could have stopped believing in something like love. in something that he strongly believed was one of the best things anyone could ever experience.

he was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t hear sirius open the back door, also sneaking out for a cheeky cigarette whilst y/n was getting ready for bed.

“didn’t realise you were anything more than a social smoker, prongs”

he jumped at sirius’ words, making the boy across from him chuckle as he, too, pulled out a pack from his coat. “well, not normally. just too much going on in my head at the minute, needed something to take the edge of, i guess.” sirius nodded, hesitating slightly before he spoke. “yeah, i noticed that. seriously, prongs, what’s going on. you’ve been acting funny since me and y/n/n got here. since st. mungos. do you not want us here? cause we can-“

james was quick to cut him off “no. no! it’s not that, i just-“ he stopped for a minute, debating whether or not he should be honest with sirius. “i keep thinking about what i did. about the way i treated y/n. and i know- i know that she’s ok, and i know that you two may never have been together if i didn’t, but- but that’s still a person that i hurt. that i completely disregarded the feelings off for my own selfish reasons. when i could have just had a conversation with her and everything would have been fine.” he took a breath and looked up from where he’d been gazing down at his shoes, trying to judge how sirius was going to act based off of his face. he didn’t know what he was expecting, but he certainly wasn’t expecting the sympathetic half smile that he was currently wearing. “i didn’t have to hurt her, if i’d have walked her back to her dorm when she was drunk, like any decent person would have, we’d have spoken about it and we’d have probably broken up before we even got to her common room. but i didn’t. i chose to hurt her”

after he’s finished speaking sirius shook his head slightly, taking a long drag of his cigarette whilst trying to form the right words to say, without trying to add to james’ guilt. “mate, everyone makes mistakes. granted, it was a shitty, shitty mistake. but a mistake is a mistake. and it’s not ok, and you did hurt her, a lot. but you feel guilty about it. most people that cheat don’t care, it’s a game to them. they’re happy to pretend like nothing happened and all is still perfectly fine. but you’ve been torn up about this for weeks, probably more than that. it’s just finally sinking in. y/n’s okay prongs. she’s okay. and as shitty as it was, everything happens for a reason.” just as he finished speaking he saw y/n through the window on the back door. he gestured to her that he’d be inside in a second, and gave her a smile. she smiled back and he watched as she walked towards the kitchen.

smiling slightly at the look on his friends face, james nudged sirius with his shoulder “you really love her, pads… don’t you?” sirius was quick to nod his head absentmindedly, before his eyes went wide. he looked at james before nodding his head again, this time really letting it sink in. “yeah, yeah i guess i do.”

————————

aghhhhh thank you for reading that and sorry for the long wait. hopefully the next part shouldn’t take nearly as long. honestly i don’t know if i like this, but oh well. it was always going to be a filler chapter, but yeah hopefully it’s not too bad.

taglists:

d.t.n.f.a.j @jessyballet @Snigdha-14 @haroldpotterson @cherryslushyslut @nyks-bella-blog @aliendemigods @wherewitcheslive @adriennebarnes @espressopatronum454 @thepersonbeep1 @melliegorl @idli-dosa @siriusdumblittlepuppy @allise4 @blackqueens01 @-kazbekkarluvbot- @directionerarianator @theonethatmustnotbenamed @mortui--flores @ilovedilfs32 @allise4 @eclipsedsuns @rslry @cassiopeia1042 @hcloangcls

j.p @kissmeunicornbaobei @s8liva @momoewn @roundbrownlover @slut-for-matt-murdock @chandlemania @cassiopeia1042 @hcloangcls

s.b @messy-insomniac @imintofictionalmen @spookybooisa @siriuslyjanhvi @blackst0nes7077 @sassybadqueen @itzzzzcookie @x-heartrender-x @j-cat @nestiaisgod @kissmeunicornbaobei @dcvilslvr @momoewn @roundbrownlover @eyelovelhh @slut-for-matt-murdock @chandlemania @cassiopeia1042 @hcloangcls

(sorry it’s been so long quite a lot of people’s names have changed. also if you don’t want to be on the taglist anymore just let me know! :)

[confused-alienated]

Puppy

Summary: Josh is a puppy (litterally).

Tw: None

Notes: Decided to upload puppy Josh cuz I'm too sad to write rn plus the ppl of Ao3 seemed to enjoy this.

Word count: 634

Link to og fic here.

---

The first thing that Tyler noticed when he got home was the eerie silence.

The second thing that Tyler noticed when he got home was his new pillows had been chewed.

He groaned, frustrated, "Josh!"

A sleepy looking Josh peeked out from behind the sofa.

"You're back!" He said happily. He bounced over to Tyler and pulled him into a kiss.

Tyler leaned into it before he abruptly pulled away.

"You've been eating that dog food again!" Tyler stuck his tongue out. "It's disgusting, brush your teeth man."

"It's amazing," Josh corrected, "I don’t get why you hate it so much."

"Unlike some, I'm not a dog."

Josh pouted, "You love me."

"I do," Tyler sighed. "You're just lucky you're so cute."

The two sat together for a little bit until Tyler remembered the pillows.

"Somebody has chewed my new decorative pillows up," Tyler crossed his arms. "Know anything?"

Josh exaggerated a gasp, "I would never. I can't believe you are accusing me of chewing up your horrible pillows."

"I know you hated them, J, but they were from my mum."

"I'm sorry. I saw them and got excited."

"I can't stay mad at you forever," Tyler huffed, "We'll get you some new toys, yeah?"

Josh perked up, "Really?"

"Really."

Faster than Tyler could process, Josh was on top of him. He peppered kisses all over Tyler's face.

"Mind if I?" Josh nudged Tyler's cheek with his nose, "You've wound me up."

"How could I ever say no to you," Tyler pressed a kiss to his forehead.

Before Tyler knew it, there was a small, brown puppy sat on his chest. Josh's paws were digging into his ribs, but Tyler didn't have the heart to tell him to move. Josh licked wet kisses onto Tyler's nose.

Tyler laughed, "That tickles!"

Josh stopped licking him and jumped onto the floor. He dashed over to the small pile of dog toys in the corner and picked up a large tug-of-war rope toy. Tyler barely had time to sit up before Josh had placed it at his feet. He ran in short circles, barking happily at the toy.

Tyler remembered the first time he'd seen Josh like this. Josh had a lot less control over his 'quirk' back then. He'd been forced to tell Tyler what was about to happen. They'd only been dating for a few weeks at that point, they’d been in the middle of a pillow fight.

It started with Josh's eyes. It always did. His irises had expanded until there was barely any white left visible.

Josh had hurried through his explination, he'd begged Tyler not to leave. Josh had explained that it just sort of happened whenever he felt strong emotions, he could barely control it. He was sorry, sorry, sorry.

Tyler had tried to hug him, tried to tell him it was alright until Josh wasn't Josh. Not exactly.

Josh's anxiousness had transfered to the puppy now sat infront of him. It whined and turned away from Tyler.

Tyler had hesitantly held his hand out to Josh. Josh's anxiousness seemed to disapate at the familiar smell. Josh had only gotten more affectionate since then.

Now Tyler was dealing with an overexcited puppy, dancing around his feet.

Tyler settled on playing fetch. It was routine at this point, Josh needed something repetitive to tire him out.

After throwing the rope toy for what felt like the millionth time, Josh seemed to be sick of it. He hopped up onto the sofa and curled up in Tyler's lap.

Josh slowly morphed back. Tyler's hands found their usual spot in Josh's hair. Josh sighed contently.

"Better?"

"Better," Josh sighed into Tyler's thigh.

"'Love you."

"Love you too, Joshie boy."

Tyler decided that he could sacrifice a few decorative pillows for more moments like this.

[aao1024]

Darlin'

Chapter 9

Series Masterlist

Warning: cursing, smut (finally)

As the day went on, they acted as though this had been their life for the past twenty years. Lee looks at her with admiration for being so loving and attentive to him. He loved the way she cared for him as if she was his wife, Y/n surpassed anything Florence ever did for Lee. He did not know how he could live without her by his side.

Y/n put herself in a routine while staying with Lee. Every morning is spent preparing breakfast and making a list of tasks that need done for the day. Y/n had been keeping up with the house chores as if that was her home.   

Her vacation days were coming to an end and she dreaded going back to her quaint apartment in the city. She loathed the idea of sleeping only with no one to hold her and bring her as much peace as Lee had over the past few weeks. Where she would make meals for herself and eat alone in unbearable silence. 

She stared at Lee with guilt, she hated the thought of packing her belongings and leaving him here to fend for himself like the lonesome bachelor he once was. She didn't want to have the conversation but she couldn’t just pack up and leave. The puppy love that they shared made any separation much more difficult than it needed to be. 

“Lee, I have to start packing tonight.” Y/n said with a saddened tone. 

“What are you talking ‘bout Darlin’, did I do something to upset you?” 

“Don’t be silly Lee, I’m not upset with you. I have to go back to work in a few days if I want to keep my job. So, I need to pack my things and go back to my place tomorrow.”

“Oh, okay Darlin’.” Lee said quietly. He looked like a child that had just broken their favorite toy. “I guess it has been a couple weeks now hasn’t it.”

Y/n heart broke at the sadness in his eyes and in his voice. She knew he would be okay without her but Lee is a sensitive man at heart and deep down dreaded being alone. Since he was not ready to go back to work he didn’t have anything to do except sit in his chair and wallow. 

“If it wasn’t for my job I would stay with you Lee, but I can’t lose my job. I can give you my phone number and you can call whenever you’d like.” She said in an effort to reassure him. 

She makes her way over to Lee in his chair. He looks up at her with sorrow and gestures for her to have a seat in his lap. She sat on his good leg and cuddled into his chest. He brought her into an embrace, holding her, afraid of losing her. Lee had never had someone care so much about him the way Y/n does. She made him feel like the only man in the world and he tried his best to make her feel the same. They sat quietly as Y/n rested her head on his chest and listened to the pounding of his heart and his steady breathing. They both stayed still in effort to make this moment last forever. Lee looked down and smiled at the sight in front of him, her breathing was heavy as she was resting in his embrace. Lee took his hand and brushed away the escaping locks of hair and tucked them behind her ear. He knew that no matter what would happen, he could never let her go. She was his breath of fresh air. He rubbed the outside of her thigh and made repetitive motions of drawing shapes and figures on her. 

Lee let her rest for a while before he woke her with a gentle brush of her cheek as he called her name. She slowly opened her eyes and was met with Lee’s smile. He had never smiled a lot in life but it was contagious when he did. As she attempted to sit up Lee pulled her back into his arms. She giggled at his actions and continued her attempts. 

“Lee you have to let me up, I need to get some cleaning done” she exclaimed as he tightened his grip and lightly tickled her sides. 

“I’m not letting you go Darlin’, you belong right here with me” he chuckled

Their laughter died down as they locked eyes. They looked at one another for a few moments before they both began to lean in. They were interrupted by the doorbell. Y/n quickly hopped off of him and Lee slowly rose up from his chair. He hobbled to the door and was met by a familiar face on the other side. His deputy chief, Wilson, had dropped by to check on Lee. 

“Wilson, good to see you. Is everything alright?” Lee questioned. Y/n curiously stood by his chair and made her way to the kitchen.

“Of course everything is alright, just wanted to check in on ya and see if you needed anything.”

“Well thank you, come on in and have a seat.” Lee opened the door and gestured for his guest to have a seat on the couch. The men seated themselves and began discussing Lee’s future return to work, Y/n made quick work in the kitchen and brought both men a glass of water. As she walked into the living room Wilson looked at her shocked to see that she was here. He continued their conversation waiting for her to leave the room before interrogating Lee.

“Lee, is that the lady who took care of you in the hospital?” He questioned

“Yes, but she is not just some lady. Her name is Y/n, she’s been helping me ‘round the house and taking good care of me.”

“So let me get this straight, you have a random woman you met at the hospital, living in your house and caring for you. And you have only known her for a couple weeks?”

“Well when you put it like that it sounds crazy.” Lee chuckled. “Look, she is a really great gal. We both have feelings that we are figuring out and she has been keeping me in check. It happened quite fast but we are both comfortable with this arrangement. However, she is leaving in a day or two to go back to work.” Wilson sat there and shook his head in disbelief. He was ultimately confused with how they had been casually living together for the last few weeks like it was no big deal.

“That is quite the arrangement, just be careful Lee.”

“You have nothing to worry about Wilson, she’s a good one.” Wilson shook his head in utter disbelief. “Well I should get down the road before the misses sends out a search party, I’ll see you later Lee.” Lee bids him farewell as he lets himself out.

Lee gets up from his chair in order to find Y/n. He finds he in the kitchen was dishes wearing an apron to prevent her dress from getting wet. Lee walks up to her and wraps his arms around her waist pressing himself against her, burying his head in her neck. He peppers her skin in small pecks.

“Lee, I have to get this done, so I can start packing.”

“C’mon Darlin’ I want you to pay attention to me.” He pouts

She dries her hands and turns around to become face to face with Lee. he smiles as he grabs her thighs and lifts her onto the counter, she squeals in fear that he will drop her.

“Lee, don’t pick me up like that, you are gonna hurt yourself.”

“Darlin’, you can tell me what to do all you want, but I will never stop picking you up. And I must say you look mighty fine sitting all pretty up here for me. Just as gorgeous as the day I met ya.” He then presses his lips into her jaw and litters her with his kisses. Making his way up to her lips as he grabs at her thighs and hips. She drapes her arms over his shoulders as she snakes her hand into his hair holding him close. As they break away for air Lee looks her up and down taking in the sight in front of him. Her swollen lips turn into a smile as she catches his stares.

“A picture would last longer Lee” she remarks. “Now I really need to start packing.” His smile quickly becomes a frown. He huffs and helps her down from the counter. He follows as she walks to the living room and watches as she packs her things. She sets out her nightwear and tomorrow’s outfit. Lee waits patiently for her to finish. She spins around and makes her way towards Lee. 

“Darlin’ let's go out for dinner tonight. I know a good place a couple towns over that would be nice.”

“That would be really nice Lee, let me get ready and we can head out.” She grabs her toiletries and heads to the guest bathroom. She always kept a nice dress in her bags, and it would be the perfect fit for tonight. It was a black A-line dress that hugged her figure just right. This gave him the time to make their reservation and head upstairs to get ready himself. He stood in front of his closet attempting to pick a nice outfit for tonight. He settled for his black slacks, a white button down and his black blazer.

He made his way downstairs to find Y/n gazing out the living room window at the neighborhood children playing together. He wishes he could read her mind at times like these. Did she want children? She was much younger than him and still had plenty of time to have children. 

“Darlin’, you ready to go?” She turned towards Lee and was taken back by his appearance. He looked so sophisticated and handsome, more than he already did. He took his time capturing her gorgeous curves in that dress, and knew that it would not stay on her long when they got back. Lee extended his hand out to her and she reached out to him. He led her to the garage and opened the door for her and gently closed it behind her. Lee hopped in the driver’s seat and made their way down the road. Y/n silently gazed out the window and took in her surroundings. She did not want this night to end. She knew she was falling for him even more than she thought she would. He rested his hand on the bottom of her thigh as he drove. 

They finally made it to a small town with many shops and restaurants that littered the town square. Lee led the way as they walked down the sidewalk towards the restaurant. He was concerned with how quiet Y/n was but did not want to impose. They entered the building, and were seated at a table by the front window. 

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

“Oh nothing Lee, just thinking about tomorrow and going back to work. I don’t want to leave.” She states as she grabs his hand that’s laying on the table.”

“Darlin’, it will be alright, I don’t want you to go either but it’s what you have to do. But for tonight let’s enjoy the night and forget tomorrow.” She nodded as they moved on to their usual topics, sharing stories of one anothers childhoods and lives before they met. The food was delicious but Lee thought Y/n’s food was better. She shook her head at his brown nosing. They took their time finishing their meals, Lee eventually paid the bill and they made their way back to his car. In the car they sat close together and just enjoyed each other’s company. They reached Lee’s house 30 minutes later. He parked the car in the garage. He turned the car off and sat quietly and shared glances. Lee’s eyes switched his gaze from her eyes to her lips repeatedly before he pulled her in swiftly and connected their lips. 

Lee moved down the seat and pulled her into his lap. 

“Lee let me get off, I’m going to hurt you.” she said in between kisses.

Lee stopped in his tracks, “Darlin’, what did I tell you about saying that. You are so god damn beautiful and I want you in my lap. You are not going to hurt me.”

“Lee I’m too-”

“Too what? And you better not say big because you're perfect, absolutely perfect and you’re all mine. Do you hear me? I don’t want you saying that again.” 

“Okay, Lee I won’t say it again.” he quickly resumed his action and let his hands wander her figure.

“Let’s go inside Lee.”

“Are you sure Darlin’, we can stop-”

“I’m sure” She climbed down from his lap and they made their way into the house 

Y/n grabbed Lee’s hand and led him up the stairs to the bedroom. She closed the door and turned to find Lee sitting on the end of the bed looking her up and down like a hungry animal. She tossed her heels to the side and made her way towards him. He grabbed her hips and pulled her down onto the bed with him. They had resumed the position they took in the car. Lee pulled down the zipper that began at the back of her dress as he toed off his shoes and took off his jacket without separating his lips from hers. Lee made his way off the bed and stripped down to his underwear. Y/n laid there breathless and took in the sight before her as he moved towards her, placing himself between her legs. He pushed the bottom of her dress up to put her beauty on display. She pulls the dress over her head as Lee leans down to kiss her thighs. He slowly works his way up, spending extra time at her breasts. As he reached her neck she wrapped herself around him. He tried to withhold the urge but he couldn’t help but buck his hips into her. Y/n moaned at this foreign feeling. 

“Lee please, I need you” he swiftly reached around to unhook her bra. He tossed it to the side and took her breast into his mouth. Swirling his tongue and watching her squirm underneath him. He works his way down her body and stops his kisses at her panty line.

“Darlin’, are you sure.” he asks, “Yes Lee, I’m sure”

He removes her underwear, tossing them to the floor to add to the scattered mess of clothing. He positions himself between her thighs and kisses her everywhere but where she wants him. Moments later he devours her as if she is his last meal. She snaps her legs closed in reflex, but quickly let’s go in order to not suffocate Lee.  He grabs both legs and pulls her back in and tossing her legs over his shoulders, she arches her back as he dives deeper. She moans as Lee continues, gasps for air as he inserts a finger with little resistance. Adding another to stretch her out. Lee can tell by her noises and movements, that no man has ever made her feel this way, making him even harder knowing she’ll be begging for more. He continues his actions bringing her closer to her climax. Her moans became louder as she laced her fingers in his hair, unknowingly pulling it too hard. 

“Lee please don’t stop, please Lee.” Lee grins as he hears her begging him to continue. He continues his actions as she moans his name reaching her climax. Lee stops once she releases his hair from her grip. As she lies breathing heavily, Lee removes his underwear and lays next to her. Caressing her face and bringing her gaze to him.

“You okay, Darlin’?”

“I’m more than okay Lee”

He smiled and got on top of her, littering her face and neck with his lips. Y/n captured Lee’s lips with her own and they became in sync. 

“Darlin’ are you sure, you are okay to keep going?” Y/n nodded her head “Darlin’, I need to hear you say it, that you are okay.”

“I’m okay”

Lee pumps himself a few times before he enters her. He groans as he seats himself in her fully. Her face contorted in pain, legs wrapped around him, nails digging into the skin of his arms. Lee hated seeing her in pain, he halted all movements and waited for her to relax underneath him before moving slowly. As he sped up she held onto him more and moaned in his ear. Send chile down Lee’s spine he continued his movements until he reached his climax with Y/n reaching her’s as well. 

“Fuck Darlin’, you fell so fucking good, gonna fill you up nice and full.” he said as came into her, and as she reached her own high. Lee laid his head in the crook of her neck as they both breathed heavily. 

Lee lifted his head and smiled at Y/n, “This means you're my girl now.”

“I’ve been yours since day one Lee.”

He kissed her and removed himself from her. Lee went to the bathroom and came back with a warm rag to clean her up. He handed it to her not wanting to be too overbearing. He then crawled into bed beside her, and she laid on his chest as their hearts began to slow down from the previous excitement. They quickly fell asleep in one another’s embrace with no regard for the loneliness to come.

Taglist: @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer @charmed-asylum @mrsyixingunicorn10

[kimtaegis]

tumblr.com/kimtaegis/756366976011714560/im-a-different-anon-and-i-agree-with-both-of-you?source=share

I agree, you feel bad when you want to love something, but it's okay because it's just simply not your taste.

And for my opinion... Unfortunately I lowkey hate this album 😭 which sucks and I'm really sad about it because I love Jimin and was hoping I would love MUSE and we literally talked about this.. 😭 For me it was a let down. I'm listening to it right now again as I write this ask but on the first listen I kind of hated it. I don't want to say I absolutely hated it but... Almost. 😭

My biggest problem with this album is that everything is so repetitive. I think it might come from the fact that most of the lyrics are in English? And English songs tend to be full of repetitive lyrics? Not all songs of course, but when you make them for the charts and especially for tiktok rn, they just have to have a catchy short verse. But my problem is not even that it's in English. They could be singing in Italian for all I care, if the song itself is good 😭

It >feels< like he only has 1 verse he's just repeating in most of the b-sides. Rebirth was fine, I don't love it but I don't hate it either, it's just in between I guess. His voice is really pretty, I love the high notes. Interlude was just an interlude, I can't really say anything about it? :D At first listen Slow dance honestly felt like it was a Sofia Carson ft. Jimin song 😭 it >feels< like she has more lines than him because he's repeating most of the lines, but if you break the lyrics down %-wise, I guess he has more lines? Sofia has a nice voice, and the song was okay.

I think Be Mine is my favorite out of all of the songs. I really like the beat, it has Filter vibes but also not? :D It feels similar to Filter but in a different sexy way? Anyway, I liked it. His voice is gorgeous, and the repetitive lyrics didn't annoy me as much.

I have the most beef with WHO. 😭 The autotune absolutely RUINS this song for me. It's horrible... I watched the MV, and that was amazing, he looks gorgeous and the dance was great too but I was already hating the song itself. And then I listened to it again with the whole album and yep, it's just horrible. The song itself wouldn't be bad, but the autotune just completely destroys it for me. I don't know why they made the choice to slap this much autotune on it but personally I hated it. He literally doesn't need it, he's literally singing high notes in the b-sides without autotune and they sound beautiful so I don't understand why the fuck they needed to pump this song full with it 😭 I'm listening to the album again right now, but it's still bad... I don't think Who will ever grow on me. 😭

I think my biggest problem with this album(aside from the autotune) is that it's just so damn repetitive?? I'm pretty sure there are like 10 more bts songs that are also repetitive as fuck, but it annoyed me so much regarding MUSE. I feel like after FACE I placed the bar way too high, and I didn't consider that MUSE will be something completely different and I shouldn't necessarily compare it to FACE in every way.. But yeah. Unfortunately this album is just not it for me 😭 and now I will go and cry about it 😭 I said in the prev ask that SGMB was also just a cute song but nothing crazy, but now I have to say I like that the most from the album 😭😭

One thing I want to mention though: so we know that the albums were made at the same time, right? Or at least some songs were made the same time as FACE? It's really interesting and amazing that he was able to work on face, which was all about his feelings during the pandemic, feeling lost and depressed etc. but then at the same time he was working on MUSE which I would say is more romantic and upbeat? Not as pop as GOLDEN, but it's a lighter album. And he was writing lyrics and producing/composing for both at the same time!! That's crazy.

(sorry for the long ask) How did you like it? I saw you mention that you loved it? :)

ohhh honey this sucks I really wanted you to love it, it’s a shame 😕 and you know what I totally get what bothers you about it. it really is quite repetitive, it’s true. I think that makes it more memorable maybe? I’m not sure if that was an intentional choice, though. maybe that just happened and no one minded since it’s really rather a light, happy, easy-listen album. if they really worked on it simultaneously with FACE, I imagine that it was a a great “balance”; it shows again how multi-faceted jimin is as both an artist but also a human being and that he doesn’t shy away from showing all of his sides, and that music really is his tool to get both negativity and positivity out 🤍

I personally don’t mind the autotune in Who too much, but it was also the same with Set Me Free Pt.2, you either like it or don’t, both valid! I’d say I pretty much like all songs equally, with Intro Rebirth being a little higher than the rest; I’m so obsessed with the instrumentals, but they did really well with those throughout imo. I’m with you on Sofia Carson seemingly singing more than jimin in Slow Dance 😭 I just don’t care for that woman or her voice (I find it very generic), but the song is still very sweet. and I got soooo surprised by Be Mine, the teaser was a whole ass mislead, it’s so much better than I imagined!!! one big thing I don’t like at all about the album is that (yet another) interlude track… why do we need these random sounds in between songs, I already didn’t get it in FACE, and now we got another one 😭 but apart from that I do really enjoy MUSE, it’s such a season-fitting album that makes me smile, makes me sing along in my car, makes my feet move and of course makes me miss jimin so, so much ❤️‍🩹

[dio-the-thot-exterminator]

For the character meme: beast wars dinobot

-cybertron-after-dark

hiiiiiiiiiiiii :)

How I feel about this character

Love Pink!

I think everyone's love for him was the reason why I decided to watch beast wars in the first place. And i almost quit the show after he died so i'd say i like him a normal amount (lie).

I have a love hate relationship with his design cuz its sooooo hard for me to draw like why did he do that he should have chosen something simpler. 

His mannerisms and how tall he is makes everything in the show 10 times more funny(to me). ohhhhh I'm fixed on his voice and vocal tics it really does make him stand out from the rest of the cast.

He’s so mean too, a hating ass bitch, I can respect that. He’d be the best fast food coworker (he’d still work at popeyes!!). And sometimes he be loud and wrong, like ok CLOWN.

How do I say this nicely? Making fun of him is my favourite thing to do. Also since he is the fan favourtie (am i correct in assuming this?) everyone makes fire ass art involving him. always a treat, he never let me down.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

A good fight would make him hooooorny.

Tarantulas - one, I just think it's funny and two, that one episode when he was complimenting tarantulas's hunting skills?? Can you imagine them hunting things together??? I need it!! Dinobot in his evil cannibal twins era <3

Tigatron - uhhh the solitude uhh the warriors bond the best slow burn ever. They are opposites and dont understand each other at all. LITERALLY Law of the Jungle ep is just: tigatron doesn't behave the way DB wants him to so Dinobot is thinking “ *snorts* i can fix him!!”. It’s peak to me…

Tigatron so calm and wholesome, and Dinobot is…NOT pfttttt  AHHH LIKE FIRE AND ICE FIRE AND ICE!!!!! They clash but go togetherrrrrr *sigh* who sees my vision 🥹

thats all my brain could come up with aack

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Cheetor and Dinobot lol hi grandpa take his ass to hot topic 

My unpopular opinion about this character

Dinobot would not make a good leader. He’s not emotionally considerate and does not have the skills to “think past the battle”. He can fight, anticipate an ambush, command some soldiers but that's pretty much it.

Actual diplomacy, or caring about the health of his teammates? HA! 

He constantly wants to abandon people, or overthrow someone, switching sides like crazy. Nigga never been loyal…and he likes to talk about his “honor”.

Now I really need some insight on what “predacon honor” is cuz wtf?? Rattrap was lowkey right, how could we trust him? 

I was sad when he died but ion really feel like he needs to come back, you know? You could kind of sense that there was no direction the show could take his character.

And getting rid of him was the logical choice. He a lil self destructive and got some issues (that's why I love him) but after a while it got repetitive for me. I don't think this show was equipped to handle the characterization they were building up to so him dying was kinda a good thing dare i say. 

He's a bottom 🏳‍🌈

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

More predacon interactions that hint at what his life was like before they crashed on earth.

The lil nuggets we get are so interesting to me, I need to see how the dynamics were before he ‘betrayed’ them.

He knows these guys so well im so madddd i missing out on all the dramaaaaaaa

i also wanted him to interact more with rampage...i cant explain it but....there's something there that needs to be explored

Eat more people

be weird

be a freak

Nerd out tenfold about history

Should have killed silverbolt whaaaa who said that

Thats all i can think of off da top of me headdd, thanks for the ask @cybertron-after-dark 💜

sorry for typos!

[therealslimshakespeare]

https://www.tumblr.com/precious-little-scoundrel/760308589614301184/for-all-u-girlies-who-do-like-maureen-tell-me-how?source=share

OH MY GOD THANK YOU FOR ASKING!!!

I adore complicated characters. While we have so many straightforward heroes (so many of whom I love) people who gravely screw up and then scrap for growth is equally as needed for a species that often screws up. For instance Boromir in LOTR falling to the temptation of the ring only to rise up and earn redemption by fighting for the helpless hobbits and dying for them. I massively love imperfect characters and as a feminist my most common critisism of female lead movies is that they are not often allowed to be messy, but men so often are, and we root for them all the same.

Maureen was sassy in TWC so I felt drawn to her character right away. “To bitches who bite back.” Maureen toasted. This line is what got me sold on these girls and was so iconic. Raped and humiliated and these two officers grinned at eachother and promised this to one another. They wouldn't go quietly.

But although her bedside manner is rough, (she makes a couple jokes to ida that could be interperted as mean if you didn't get the vibe they were permitted by and almost amused her superior officer) she is also supportive when she thinks Ida might be blaming herself

From Rifle Broads:

“That Sergeant -she wasn’t your fault. The nurse either.”

“I know that Lieutenant.”

“I know you know,” Maureen muttured, “but some stuff bears repeating. Places like these, we’re liable to lose our bearings without a little repetition.”

was worried about her bleeding and checked on her:

“-you’re bleeding a lot, Ida. Couldn’t help but notice.”

and also did this in Showers: “I think your head might need stitches.” Maureen said in lieu of a response, puffy sausage fingers running gently along Ida’s throbbing and freshly washed scalp. “You’ve got a big gash here. It’s still bleeding.”

So despite being rough around the edges, she is demonstrably, caring and supportive to Ida and has a steely comraderie with Smith as well.

Then we get the sad irony of this line from Rife Broads “Your precious Red Cross won’t come for you here.” That likely verdict seemed to bring the woman satisfaction, and Maureen wondered how many months, weeks, hours of this grueling place it would take before she too took savage satisfaction in another’s misfortune. How long before all better impulse to be glad for others was stamped out and all that was left was crowing self preservation.

And it didn't take that long for her to have that conversation with Ida, where she lashed out. And then put the rest of them at risk by losing it.

So good hearted, but messy and prideful and trying so painfully to grow.

The rest Marina has hinted in at asks about predatory upbringing leading to her worst behaviors and how she is fighting tooth and claw to make herself something she can admire when so many women were just decorations or disregarded as mentally ill or turned into smarmy, hateful backbiting people, is really something that inspired me when I was a little girl with so many people telling me how to be a woman and none of it fit with what I expected from myself deep down.

That's the first level of my love for her. I don't excuse the bad behaviors we've seen and may seen, but I fucking love her for the fight to improve. And I'm sorry for the essay but I've got a few more if you have the patience. And I love you for wanting to see why someone might be invested in here. LET ME KISS YOU

I have the happiest little aneurisms any time my work gets weeded through and quoted back to me -bonus points for proper context. Legit floaty feeling right now at the way you caught her own miserable predictions, hehe.

[villainessprefect]

title: The Game We're Playing and You're My Target

summary: Idia has three hours to survive at a party. Easier said than done. At least he can hang out in the garden...with Azul? Yeah, Azul is there too.

ship: Idiazul

word count: 2,643

Read on AO3!

Parties are a total war zone. All the extroverts are running around, greeting each other, and participating in mindless mingling. For an introvert, it means avoiding as many people as possible. After you give your forced introduction it's time to make a getaway. There's no time to hang around out in the open and wait for those normies to pounce on a poor soul.

Thankfully, all Idia needs to do is survive for three hours. The counter started the minute he stepped foot onto these overly fancy grounds and he made sure that the second his time was up, he'd disappear. It's not like anyone would miss him anyway. That excuse is easy to use to try and slip away earlier, but he can't after making a promise to Ortho.

"Just for a few hours? Please, Idia?"

When Ortho gave him those pleading eyes, he couldn't say no. And boy does he regret it.

On the bright side, he knows the venue inside and out. When prepping for the big night, Idia made sure to know all the secret getaways, the hidden hallways, the backdoors, any where to get out of the bigger and more populated areas for the night. And that helped with his first hour.

Idia only promised to be at the party, not to socialize.

The voices of people he could care less about were all drowned out by the music blaring through the speakers. Even while out in the gardens, Idia could hear the annoyingly modern music. As much as it wasn't to his tastes, it did provide as nice background noise. Wandering through the garden, he found a nice spot to relax. A secluded area that he doubts anyone would venture out to. It might not be as ideal as finding an empty bedroom to hide in, but it was better than nothing.

As Idia takes a seat on the white marble, golden eyes glance over to the main building. He huffs.

"I don't need to be with those normies," he mutters. "It's not like they need me to be there anyway. My tablet would have just been fine and I could have remained as some mystery character. The top-tier characters get all the attention anyway."

It's easy to imagine Vil stealing the show. An SSR character like him is in his natural habitat in a place like this. Plus he has the beauty to flaunt while being on stage for a crowd. Honestly, the school should have only sent him instead of all the housewardens. But, whatever.

A hand plays with his blue flames. His hair had been put up to look...decent instead of its usual mess. It's fine, he doesn't mind it, but he hated the looks he got on the way here. With his other hand, he whips out his phone. His gaze automatically goes to the time. An hour and a half left. That gives him time to grind before a game resets for the day.

"Agh, I should have just let this run on a script at home..." He murmurs. "Could have gotten some more EXP."

Idia sighs as he finishes the usual tasks. He could do more but it's monotonous and repetitive if he isn't doing something else. And the only other thing option is going back inside while letting this run. Yeah, no. Not doing that. It doesn't help that it barely ate a few minutes off the clock.

"My, my, I should have known I'd find you out here."

"Eep!"

Idia is quick to jump to his feet. Hands gripping his phone for dear life as he steps away from the source of the new voice.

"Azul?" He relaxes once their eyes meet. "I didn't know you could jump-scare someone. What are you doing out here?"

"Enjoying the scenery." Idia scoffs. "What? Don't believe me?" Azul says with an obviously feigned sad expression. "Even I have to escape from the scene every now and then."

"You? Make an escape? The only reason you'd get away is if you were losing at your own game."

"You wound me, to think I'd ever let that happen."

Idia hates that he has to agree with him on that. Azul knows people, knows what they want, and knows how to get what he wants from them. As far as he's aware, Azul has never failed in making a deal. His completionist stats were always 100%.

"There's a first for everything..." Idia mumbles as he returns to his seat. Not even this interaction took up a few minutes. When had time ever been this slow? Not even his MMO updates were this painstakingly long.

Idia doesn't think to give Azul any more attention, not until he hears the other's footsteps. Heels click against the tiles leading toward him. He sighs and looks up.

"Your brother would be disappointed seeing you out here."

"Erk!" Idia winces. That was a critical hit! "Y-Yeah..." He gulps. "W-What are you going to do? Tattle on me like some middle schooler?"

"I'm not that petty. Of course, I'd only resort to it if necessary."

Idia frowns, not liking the sound of that.

"How about this? Offer me your time out here and I'll remain silent about your failure to your brother's expectations."

"I think even he has low expectations for me..." Idia says. He knows otherwise. Ortho would be cheering him on every step of the way. But being in there? With so many people? No no no no. He needed to take baby steps first. Get comfortable at housewarden meetings, maybe go to a school event without needing to run off. Being thrown into a party was just like sending a level 1 newbie into the final boss's lair. "Do what you want."

"I'll take that as a yes."

With that, Azul takes a seat beside Idia. He sits close enough that their legs nearly touch, leaving only a small space between them. Neither seems to mind, both are comfortable with each other to be this close. Idia fiddles with his phone, trying to be preoccupied with something to make the time tick by faster. If only downloading a new game wouldn't take so long then he could at least have something to do. He's close to resorting to doing a ten-pull on his previous game out of pure boredom. He doesn't even like the current character's banner, but he wants something to do.

"If you're that bored, you know we could always do something while we're out here."

Idia hates how Azul picks up on his habits. Perhaps he'd been too obvious by swiping back and forth on his phone, or he just knows how he is. How long have they known each other? And how long have they been hanging out outside of class and club activities? It's hard to say.

"Like what? Touch grass?"

"While I think that is something you should do," Azul pauses as he gets to his feet. "Perhaps a walk would be better? That wouldn't hurt."

Idia is about to decline but sighs. He feels like he's lost this game before he's even started it. No excuse could get him out of it. So, he silently puts his phone away and stands.

He lets Azul lead the way. Idia keeps his head down, hands in his pockets. Despite the formal attitude needed for a party like this, he doesn't feel as tense as he should. If he were inside, alone, and surrounded by too many normies, he'd be having a heart attack. But out here? Being with Azul and the comfort of the cool air, and silent winds. It's comforting. He's not alone as he would like, but he feels at ease with Azul.

They pass by a small pond, one decorated with intricate statues. It reminds Idia of a game, a save point area specifically. The music was really pleasant, a gentle piano tune drifting through the air. It brought a sense of comfort after a long and hard fight. He remembers searching for the song immediately and putting it in a playlist for a later day.

"You're smiling," Azul points out.

"Eh? N-No I'm not!" Idia is quick to cover his mouth with his hand and turn away from him. Azul chuckles.

In an attempt to gain some distance between him while getting rid of his little embarrassment, he makes one mistake. A misstep. He hadn't calculated the difference in height between the pond's outer marble layer and the grass, thus leading to his ultimate downfall. He feels his body begin to fall, gravity pulling him down to meet his demise. If this is how he's supposed to go out, then it's a pretty lame way to go. A tragic and uncool death by falling into a shallow pool of water and hitting his head while all dressed up.

Didn't this happen in a game once? Would Azul be suspected of murder? Why couldn't he have just stayed home tonight? Is Vil singing that one song he did at the SDC right now? Why does he know that song? Were Azul's eyes always so pretty?

Whoever said your life flashes before your eyes before you die is a liar because his mind is running a mile a minute about everything else. Then again, he isn't dying. Or falling.

Something, or rather, someone, had stopped his ungraceful death. A hand grips his with all its might and then yanks him forward. It's so sudden that his mind goes blank. Especially as his body collides with Azul's.

"Idia," Azul breathes. His pretty ocean-like eyes were on him. "You should be more careful where you step."

Idia gulps, unable to speak. His heart racing from his (not) near-death experience and being so, so close to Azul. Their bodies are still pressing against each other, their noses only inches apart, hands still clinging to each other.

What kind of flag did he just raise? More importantly, how did he end up in a route like this?!

"Are you okay?" Azul asks, tone softer than earlier, gaze too.

"Y-Yeah!" Idia squeaks out, finally finding his voice. His hair flicks wildly, flashing pink at the tips. He unintentionally squeezes Azul's hand for support. He tries to find his footing now that he's processing everything and finds Azul's other hand placed carefully against his back, keeping him in place.

"Trying to escape me now?" Azul hums with a teasing look. That soft and trustworthy look is gone. Maybe he was imagining things- did Azul really look concerned about him earlier? "After I just saved your life too?"

"Th-That's the worst outcome. If anything, I just ruin my outfit and have to leave earlier than I'm supposed to."

"Oh? Perhaps I should allow you to test your fate then." To tease him, Azul tips Idia back. His hold is firm, but Idia can't tell if he's being serious or not. In a panic, Idia lets go of his hand and wraps his arms around Azul, clinging onto him for dear life. Even if he would like to go home early, it wasn't worth looking like a wet mess in front of Azul.

"D-Don't!" He yelps. Idia glances back to the water to make sure their distance remains the same. When he's certain that Azul isn't going to throw him back, he lets out a sigh. And then it hits him.

Idia is practically embracing Azul. While his arms remain around the other boy, he pulls back enough to catch Azul with pink cheeks.

"You're so bold, Idia," he says. He's trying to sound confident, but his tone lacks the same finesse it usually carries.

"I-It's not like..." Idia bites down on his lip. Azul's grip has loosened and he can escape from him if he wishes. But he doesn't.

"I don't mind this," Azul breathes.

"Huh."

"This. Being here with you." Azul mumbles and boldly press forward, destroying the little space between them. "Perhaps you enjoy it too? That's why you don't mind me out here. Or being in my arms."

Idia fumbles for an excuse. His mind tries to think of something, but this sudden event is leaving him with nothing to work with. There was no filled heart gauges in his vision or options that clearly led him down this route. But now he's here. And instead of being the protagonist, he feels like he's the capture target. Literally.

All he knows is their lips are about to meet. He can feel Azul's breath against his skin. Smell that sweet lavender that has a hint of the ocean he comes from. At this close, he can really see how his eyes sparkle like the waves of the ocean, the moonlight making them shimmer at just the right angle.

"I-If this continues...I-I'm going to ruin this night for you," Idia mumbles just before their lips can meet. His hands grip tightly onto Azul, fingers digging so deep into his blazer that it might just rip. Azul's hesitation upon hearing him speak is enough to let Idia turn his head to the side. Pink flames end up grazing his lips instead. "Y-You don't want that."

Azul huffs and pouts. He's upset by the sound of it. What did he do to upset him?!

"And what do you know about what I want, hm?" Azul raises a hand to grip Idia's chin, making the other boy face him. Tears prick at the edges of those beautiful golden eyes. As embarrassed as he may be, those tears don't help his situation, if anything it's a pathetic sight that Azul loves dearly.

He grins, proud, and then presses his lips against his cheek.

"The only thing you can ruin is the win streak I have against you," Azul whispers into his ear. He feels the other shudder and clings onto him with a little whimper.

"Azul..." Idia feels weak in his hold. Hot, bothered. His body might just overheat at this rate. It makes him feel like he should do something, reciprocate, at the very least. But no matter how many times he clicks on the action icon, his body doesn't move.

And then his phone explodes with an obnoxiously loud song.

With some amazing force, Idia manages to free himself from Azul. His time here was up and he didn't need to be in this final boss round any longer. Idia doesn't even mumble an apology as he makes his escape. All he wants to do is get out of here and set his thoughts straight.

Azul sighs and puts a hand on his head, rubbing it. He knew 'conquering' Idia, as he would have put it, wouldn't be easy. But tonight was a perfect chance to try. He even factored in a time limit, which is why he excused himself fairly early from the party. The only thing he didn't factor in was Idia having an alarm for his departure.

It's even worse that he can still hear the tune. He wishes that he could silence it forever, and ban that single song from all of Octavinelle while he's at it.

A light on the ground catches his attention. The source of the music comes from it as well. Azul bends down to pick up Idia's phone. With a press of a button, the garden falls silent. As he sees his own reflection against the phone's screen, he chuckles.

"There's a tale just like this, isn't there? A princess running away from a prince yet leaving behind something important." Azul hums as he pockets the phone. He's certain that Idia will figure out it's missing sooner or later and this is a piece of technology that he needs. Azul knows Idia. He knows the other will try to hide from him, but with this little bargaining chip, perhaps they'll run into each other sooner rather than later.