#you know what it was I probably heard the words Lumberjack Lesbian

[emptyjunior]

What's everyone's harmless but embarrassing era they had when they found out they were queer?

It's been enough years now, what did we all do, said with love for that person but also yes making fun of what a goof they were.

Me personally, I think I heard maybe one thing about lesbians loving flannel and I started an Insane flannel collection. Like every colour of the rainbow, every type like 10 to 20 to 30 flannels.

Extremely important to know I live in a fishing/farming town so they were the real deal practical, blue collar material being worn by like a pale 13 year old that just sat on the computer all day.

(in hindsight, the thirst to collect and have my dad and brothers second hand clothes was apparently a Gender thing and not a Lesbian thing)

[wetookanoath]

AU where “my buddies pranked me when I went skinny dipping and they stole my clothes and I only have a towel but you thought I was a robber and you told me to put my hands up but I dropped the towel and I don’t know if you’ll shoot me or taser me if I try to pick it up and you can’t see because I’m behind a tree but you’re telling me to step out wtf do I do”

“Oh dear lord, you are naked!”

The surprise in the man’s voice was almost offensive. Ryan swallowed, feeling his body tremble. Dammit, he hadn’t noticed before, when he had his clothes and his dignity as he and his friends made their way to the dock of the lake.

He should had known better, looking back at their stupid Uno game. Ryan should had known Dany and the boys were gonna pull one on him once they chose his punishment for loosing the world’s longest Uno game in history.

“You are jumping naked into the lake!” Dany had declared, and that was the moment Ryan should had say no, he should had realized what the real plan was.

It was the most common joke in the universe, something he himself had done to Dany back in college, and now he was naked, balls frozen, wet and certainly catching a cold, with his arms up because someone had caught him traspassing private property.

“Where you…? What? What where you trying to do all naked in the middle of the night?” The guy asked, slowly walking towards Shane with his taser and light up. “Do you always robb balls out?”

“I’m not– I’m not thief, for the last fucking time!” Ryan yelled, desperation so clear in his voice it would be embarrassing if his ass wasn’t bare. “Can I just… please, let me pick my towell!”

The guy moved his hand, indicating just that to Ryan who immediatelly took the towell and put it back around his waist as best he could. Dany had chosen to leave him with the smallest one, the bastard, and Ryan hadn’t feel so inclining to murder in his entire life.

Just let him find those idiots again…

“Shane!” He heard a woman yell, Ryan looked up at the cabin he had tried to walk to for help. “It’s everything alright?”

“I think!” The guy answered. Shane. Ryan swallowed and took a good look at his profile– he had glasses and messy hair, a beard and flannel. Like a hipster version of a fucking lumberjack. “God back inside, I’ll be there in a moment!”

He gave a step back, ready to fucking run into the other direction before the man could tase him or something– but Shane looked at him, slowly lowered his taser and walked towards him until Ryan could see his face.

“You look like the typical college jock whose friends left in the lake without clothes.” Shane declared, his words falling on Ryan like cold water. Again. “You need a phone? Maybe a sweater? Pants? All of the above?”

“All of the avobe would be nice, sir.”

Shane chuckled, shaking his head as he stepped in a few inches closer. Ryan looked at that face– the tin of his pink lips, the frekles on his cheeks and the beauty marks on him, his lashes were pretty, his eyes shone in a way he had never seen before.

He looked like the kind of guy who wouldn’t even kill a fly.

Which… didn’t gave him the best of ideas after having seen Psycho with the guys. Hipster lumpberjack has a cabin in the woods and appears with a taser in the middle of the night? No, thank you.

“Come on, let’s get inside so you can get some warmth.” Shane suggested, moving aside to let him walk with him. “Sara made some cocoa, you can have some.”

Sara. Must be the girl that talked to him earlier.

“Th-thanks!”

**

Sara was, in fact, the woman who had spoke to Shane before. She was a tiny girl with big hair that talked gently and hide her laughther for Ryan’s situation when she heard what had happened. The rest of the girls in the cabin couldn’t, though.

In fact, the place was filled with girls, huge signs and party ornaments let Ryan know he had interrumpted a Bachelorette party and the jokes about his nakedness and someone calling in a stripper for the lesbian wedding actually made him laugh once he was dressed and warm in Shane’s big ass clothes.

The girls let him stay when his friends didn’t answer their phones, Ryan supposed they may as well be scared shitless at the fact that they couldn’t find him in the lake after their stupid prank.

Which… good. They deserved the fear of having to tell his mother they had lost their son.

“No offense,” Ryan said as he saw Shane puring him a drink once his cocoa was out, “but why are you in the bachelorette party? You are, like, the only guy… aside from me.”

“Oh, I am the stripper.” He answered simply, Ryan’s eyes opened wide as his mouth but before he could say anything, Shane started to laugh, passing the glass to him.

His eyes had turned into half moons in a way that made him look younger and bright, Ryan thought it endearing. This man that almost tased him, that had acted as if Ryan’s dong wasn’t showing in the middle of the woods, was actually just some kind and sweet nerd.

“No, no. I’m sorry– Bad joke.” Shane said, sighing before looking at Ryan once he had put his elbows on the bar at the kitchen. “I’m Sara’s Best Man, and also this is my cabin.”

“It’s yours?” Ryan asked, then took a sip of the drink. Shane nodded his head. “That’s cool. You live out here in the woods?”

“No… not really.” He said. “I spend some time here, do some work, then go back to the city!”

“Oh,” He blinked a couple of times, “What… what do you do?”

Shane looked at him, his eyes never leaving Ryan’s. His stare was neutral but something in the depth of his eyes had Ryan feeling naked all over again. It was as if Shane knew him since forever and could see through him, know all his screts with just one look.

He swallowed, Shane smiled at him and held his own chin in one hand.

“I study wild life. Write some essays and books about them. Do some videos for YouTube… and some ASMR, also for YouTube.”

“Oh.” Ryan moved his head to one side. “Really?”

“Yep!” Shane answered, moving to make himself a drink. “What about you? Still in college? Or are your friends just stuck in college?”

“Oh, I think we brought back some ghosts this weekend. Holy shit…” Ryan said, taking another sip of his drink as Shane laughed and finished preparing his. “No, I’m a video producer, I’m working for… you know, the Try Guys?”

“Sure, of course.” Shane said, looking at Ryan with complete interest. “You work with them?”

“Yeah…” Ryan answered, swallowing. Shane seemed genuinely impressed. “A friend and I, we– we’ve been seeing some people and stuff. To open our own company.”

“Oh!” Shane held his drink between them. “Cheers for you guys! That’s amazing!”

Laughter erupted in the living room where the girls had started a game of Never Have I Ever between them. Ryan smiled at the sight, slowly looking back at Shane who was still watching them, a sweet smile on his face made him look like  proud big brother seeing his sister getting married.

For the interactions he’ve seen tonight, Shane and Sara were close, and so were Shane and Kelsey, her future wife. It was a nice picture, these ladies having fun, and they had the luck to witness it with good drinks.

Shane looked back at him, showing his drink again before they clicked glasses together and drank at the same time. 

This was… really nice.

**

“It’s late.” Shane announced, looking at his clock on his wirst.

Ryan nodded and looked at the cabin’s phone, ready to try again and call his friends, but Shane put a hand on his shoulder before he could go.

“Why don’t you stay?” Shane asked. “It really is late, going out to the woods right now doesn’t sound like the best of ideas.” 

“Uh,” Ryan blinked a couple of times, then looked at where the girls were getting ready for the night.

For what Shane had told him, he could just take the guest room as they were staying in the living room, like a sleepover from childhood. He could also take Shane’s bed.

He swallowd, but nodded.

**

Dany almost cried on the phone when Ryan called to let him know he was staying with his rescuers. After the milliont I’m Sorry, Ryan finally got to calm him down, telling him it was fine, they would talk the next day.

By the time his friend asked him if the hipster lumberjack was hot with that tone that indicates he’s being called a horny bitch, Ryan hang up the phone with warmth cheeks.

Shane smiled at him from the living room and, holy shit– 

Yeah. Yeah, the hipster lumberjack that makes ASMR was hot.

**

The lights were off in the living room but they could still hear some of the girls’ giggling, Kelsey telling them out loud to shut up and let them sleep since tomorrow they will all have hangovers the size of Idris Elba’s biceps (more laughter came after). 

Ryan followed Shane into the hallway that lead to the rooms, and sighed when they stopped between two doors that were one in front of the other.

“So, here’s the guests room.” Shane showed him the one on the left, then signaled the one door in front of them between the rooms. “Bathroom.” Ryan nodded, then followed his finger to the next door. “And this is my room.”

“Uh, okay–”

“Where I’m going to change into my, what did you called me?” Shane said, Ryan frowned and started to feel his cheeks warmth yet again, “Hipster lumberjack? Well, I’m gonna change into my hipster lumberjack pajamas… and then in five minutes, you can come in and take them off.”

Ryan stared at him for a few seconds, but Shane only winked at him with a wicked smile before getting into his room, leaving the door slightly open.

He heard a giggle in the livin room and Ryan blinked, finally, processing what Shane had said, what he was inviting him to and– it had been a while, to be honest. This was a nice guy he just met in the weirdest of ways, and… 

“To hell with it.” He decides, opening the door of Shane’s room.

All they could probably hear in the livin room was Shane’s laugh as Ryan entered and closed the door behind him.