#you know it's been a bad few weeks when my queue ran out lol

[icantalk710]

Quick compilation to show that I'm, for all intents and purposes, still alive in one way or another, hi 😳

[yan-lorkai]

I’m not sure if I can request this and I don’t know much about Halloween but I can totally imagine the first year gang starting a little pumpkin farm at Ramshackle. They’d carve pumpkins together and maybe sell some of them to earn a little pocket money

If it’s too much, no worries. just ignore this. Have a great day

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ A/n: This is such a lovely idea tbh, now i kinda of want to do something like this with my friends aaaa. This was supposed to be posted at 6am as always and i forget to queue it lol. Anyway, enjoy it darling!

The Ramshackle Dorm had never been busier nor more vibrant than now. It all started with a simple idea from Ace: “Hey, why don’t we grow some pumpkins here?” he had said a sunny afternoon, eyes glinting with mischief as gestured to the dead garden of his dorm.

“We can carve them for Halloween, and maybe even sell a few. Easy money, right?” He turned to Epel, who, just as mischievously, nodded.

With a few enthusiastic nods from Jack and Deuce, the plan was set in motion. Soon, even Sebek, who had initially scoffed at the idea as "a frivolous waste of time," found himself secretly invested when Malleus found out and praised him for having a hobby with a bunch of friends.

Days turned into weeks, and the once dead, wild yard of the Ramshackle Dorm was transformed. The first-year gang tilled the soil, planted seeds, and tended to their patch diligently. They took turns watering the sprouts, pulling out weeds, and shooing away curious crows. It was hard work, but there was a certain joy in it.

Jack took special pride in watching the tiny green shoots grow into fat, round pumpkins, while Epel appreciated the physical labor - he said that in that way he could gain muscles. Ace and Deuce made it a game, challenging each other to see who could grow the biggest pumpkin, which led to much bickering and laughter.

The yard was filled with the warm, earthy scent of pumpkins, and the air was filled with laughter. Each carved pumpkin was a reflection of its creator, scattered around the steps and windows of Ramshackle, glowing with flickering candles as the sun dipped below the horizon.

As the pumpkins ripened, the dorm's front yard slowly turned into a sea of orange, each pumpkin unique in size and shape. On one particularly crisp afternoon, as Halloween approached, they gathered around to start carving. Carving tools in hand, they sat in a circle, some humming, others chatting about what designs they’d make.

Ace boasted that he would create the scariest face, while Deuce shyly admitted he wanted to make a pumpkin with a cute smile so he could take a photo and sent it to his mother. Epel’s was, of course, carved with incredible detai l— a miniature masterpiece of intricate patterns, as he was used to carve apples. Jack’s was simple and classic, just like him. And Sebek, determined to outshine the rest, carved an elaborate dragon that he claimed was a tribute to his master, Malleus.

“Not bad, huh?” Ace said, admiring their work. “I mean, I could probably sell mine for way more than any of yours, but still.” He smirked, dodging a playful punch from Deuce.

“We’ll see about that,” You shot back, wiping your hands on your overalls. “Who wouldn’t want to buy one of mine?”

Throughout the day, the first-years ran the stand, chatting with students and selling their carved pumpkins. Sebek was surprisingly the best salesperson, his loud voice catching everyone’s attention and his pride making each pumpkin sound like a royal treasure. Epel made sure every customer left with a smile, slipping them a little extra vine or a perfect pumpkin seed as a token. Even Grim, though not directly involved in the growing process, found himself helping out, lured by the promise of sharing in the profits.

With their pumpkins carved, the group turned to the next phase of their plan. They set up a small stand by the gate, decorating it with the leftover vines and smaller pumpkins. A hand-painted sign read, "Pumpkins for Sale! Buy 1, Get 1 Free (if you can guess who carved it)!" It was Ace’s idea, of course, to add a little game to attract more customers. They were soon joined by curious students from other dorms, many who had heard about the little farm project and wanted to see the fruits (or rather, gourds) of their labor.

You still were surprised that their idea really attracted people. Even Sam was there, examining the pumpkins.

By the end of the evening, the pumpkin patch looked a bit emptier, but your pockets were a little heavier. All of you were tired, but it was the good kind of tired, where your cheeks hurt from smiling and your muscles ache in a satisfying way. As you sat together on the steps of Ramshackle, trapped between Deuce and Ace, watching the last of the daylight fade, there was a warm sense of accomplishment between them.

“This was a good idea,” Jack said, breaking the comfortable silence. “We should do it again next year.”

“Yeah,” Epel said, stretching out his arms. “Maybe we’ll even beat the big guys at their own game. Imagine if this little patch becomes the talk of Halloween.”

"What if other dorms try to do something like this, though?" You asked them.

You had so much fun those past few months, working at their side after clubs ended and the homework was made. You laughed, you chased them when they teamed up to tease you. Overall, it was the most fun you had since coming to this world.

Ace, who was using your left shoulder as a pillow, leaned up so he could see your eyes. "If this happens..." he looked at the other boys before catching your eyes again. "Then we'll crush them, no doubt."

"Figuratively speaking, right?"

Deuce smiled spread through his face as Epel laughed and Sebek and Jack tried to hide their face from you.

"Yeah... Figuratively speaking, of course, Prefect."

The others nodded, their eyes bright with ideas about what to do if the other students tried to do something like that.

As the night settled in, the carved pumpkins flickered warmly, casting playful shadows across the yard. And you felt as if, for just a moment, like you were back home with your small, happy family — gathered around a shared project, their laughter and camaraderie filling the air with something brighter than any candle could provide.

If you were here the next year, then you wanted to do the same thing with them again. And if you aren't... You wanted them to continue that little tradition.

[prose-for-hire]

The Powers that don’t

💜I got a special request for a longer fic in my inbox a couple weeks ago and I’ve been working on it for a bit!💜 

Pairing: Spike x fem!reader

Request: Imagine: The watcher's Council had found a young woman in a graveyard one night (from the year 2020) Giles was called by the council To look after the young woman while they figure out how she came to be. While fighting along side Buffy and the gang, Spike is crying over Drusilla leaving him as Spike encountered with the young woman takes a very happy turn. Oh personally: Laid back, kind, charming, sweet and sarcastic

Warning: Mention of covid-19. Blood mention. Spike kills people (not described graphically). Siring. 

Requested by: @everlastingartist​ - hope this is okay love 💜🖤

A/N: Snapshots of your growing relationship with Spike. Time moves on pretty fast, I didn’t want to split this one up into parts but I suppose I usually move time on in my ficlets so you should be used to that by now if you follow my writing lol. There’s an extra gif (as a treat) in the middle to split it up! I had a blast with this one! (WC: 5k)

You were waiting in the queue to get into the supermarket, having to wait two metres behind those queueing in front of you. It was a normal day, that was until you blinked. This is how you found yourself in a graveyard. In the middle of the night.

“What the-” you looked around, confused. The mask over your mouth muffling your words as you spoke. You were sort of laid-back, even with this - being dropped into somewhere so clearly not where you were meant to be - you adjusted quickly. You had been in the supermarket queueing apart from the rest of the customers and now you were in a graveyard in what appeared to be the middle of the night.

“Now!” A stuffy looking man with a very British accent called, pointing towards you .A young woman tackled you to the ground. On instinct, that you weren’t aware you possessed until now, you blocked her blows and pushed her off you, panting hard. Eyes widened as she felt you were human. She got up, helping you up.

“Uh, Ow” You muttered, “So, hi, sorry to bother you - do you know where I am?”

“London, England” He enunciated the words, clearly proud of the place they were in.

“Great. How about when I am?” You ask, eyeing the girls choice in outfit. You were all for individual style but something about it made you feel as if you had been dropped straight into the 90s. 

“1998, of course” They confirmed your suspicion. The pair frowned at you and then at each other. 

“Oh, so I’ve travelled in time!” You decide, as if this was an inconvenience than a major revelation. You moved back subconsciously as they approached you. You weren’t used to people standing so close and so it was unusual when the girl offered you a comforting gesture - a hand on your shoulder. This gesture awarded her a glare from the man and she quickly dropped it. The man then looked at you with a curiosity that surpassed the usual time-traveller-crazy. He was squinting at you as if he had been waiting for this.

“Come with us” he ordered, didn’t ask. You shrugged and followed.

You spent a couple of days there, the man introducing himself as a watcher, his job to watch over the girl and train her. They had a special interest in you, something about a prophecy of one from the future,  telling you that you had some kind of potential too. You were packing up, which was fairly simple as you only had the clothes on your back and a now unneeded face mask. You had been told you were taking a trip. Someone that could help you figure where to go from here.

Meanwhile, in Sunnydale, California:

“Mr Giles. We will need you to undertake further duties. The council is stretched and this woman is a special case. She maintains that she is from the future. I believe it may be the one from the prophecy your slayer has discovered. We will need you to watch her while we do our own research on this prophecy”

“Ok, Quentin. I shall greet her at the airport”

When you finally arrived in Sunnydale, laden with several scrolls and some books for you to give to a ‘Mr Giles’ about a prophecy that hadn’t been explained to you, a friendly older man welcomed you.

“Uh, hello, y/n. I’m Rupert Giles, you will be staying with me. I hear that you have travelled a long way to be here”

“Yeah and the rest” You mutter, before smiling apologetically and greeting him properly, “It’s nice to meet you, you have a really nice home” You offered, ever the charmer, as you looked around it approvingly.

Eventually, a group of people perhaps a little younger than you arrived their curiosity getting the better of them. 

“This is Buffy, Willow, Xander and Anya” Giles introduced as you greeted them warmly.

“Hey, your names are all straight out of a graphic novel or something” You smile, introducing yourself as y/n. You had been briefed that Buffy was a slayer, that there was but one in a generation but you hadn’t been entirely certain what it entailed. Th others whispered slightly, about the latest demon not quite sure how much they could trust you yet as Giles caught that you may feel a little left out.

“Well, ah, yes, thank you. Shall we set you up in the spare room?” Giles offered, taking your bags and showing you the way. You just rolled with it, picking up the fast-paced lifestyle that you would have to be accustomed to in Sunnydale. 

With you being laid back and fun for the others to be around, you fit in almost straight away. They started to be less secretive around you and started to clue you in on everything. Although, they weren’t entirely sure what a potential was yet themselves. Which was fine by you, you might not be here long enough to find out anyway. Giles was the only one that knew of a prophecy that had started to come true since you arrived.

They were helping you find a way home. Some of them more reluctantly than others. Willow had started to teach you little tricks and tips about simple spells, so that you could show off to the others. Buffy and you often gossiped together, she liked that you often had a friendly ear for her problems, offering another perspective that Willow didn’t have. 

Life became normal, but you felt yourself lacking something you couldn’t quite put your finger on and it wasn’t returning back to 2020. Everyone was coupled up and some days you started to feel a little lonely. You continued to research a way to get home, often in vain. You weren’t so urgently wanting to leave, you had a life here in Sunnydale now but Giles was insistent you at least had the option to return to your time period.  

It had been a few months now, and you were getting used to life in Sunnydale. Buffy ran at the vampire, with you, willow and Xander trailing behind. The three of you worked together to shepherd the vampires into Buffy’s line-of-fight so that she could stake them more easily. You became a part of everyone’s lives and you almost forgot about where you had come from, until of course it was brought up again.

You became fast friends with the gang, a true member of the Scoobies. They asked you so many questions about the future it was as if your life before then had been a dream. You were all walking back from the graveyard after a long night of slaying when they mentioned the future once more.

“There’s a big virus... it’s pretty bad back there… or forward, in the future” You say softly, thinking of how different everything was compared to now and how much you had taken little things for granted.

“I knew it! I called it: the next apocalypse would be a big virus infecting everyone” Buffy said excitedly, then realised you had a little frown. Things really had felt scary for a while there. She stopped talking, a hand on your arm to reassure you. You smiled at how close you had become, finding her one of your best friends. You were so grateful for the Scoobies as you walked through the streets, deciding to make an impromptu trip to the Bronze. 

When you arrived, the music was buzzing and the vibe in the place was exciting. You smiled around the room, nodding along to the music, barely noticing the conversation until you zoned back in. They were discussing a vampire, someone they called Spike. You decided you wanted to ask who they were talking about.

“Oh my God, that’s right - you weren’t here” Buffy sighed, having to launch into another account of what had happened with Angel. Your eyes widened at the story they had managed to forget to inform you about, even to your laid back demeanour it made you a little spooked about how friendly you had been with Angel. 

“So, what’s up with this Spike? Is he evil?”

“If you’re scared of peroxide you should start running” Xander smiled, and Willow explained he had bleach blonde hair. 

“Well, uh, there was talk of torture with railroad spikes and-”

“He’s killed slayers in brutal ways”

“But he was mostly big on the talking about killing us but he never manged to do anything... too busy with his precious Drusilla” they shrugged, as if this was normal gossip. In the same breath, they started to talk about a girl from their school, Katy, who they saw parking with a guy that wasn’t her boyfriend. 

Not even a week after this conversation, you were in the Magic Shop, needing a few ingredients - you had promised to help Willow with a de-lusting spell. She had told you, in private, what had been going on with Xander so you had it a priority to rush to the store.

As soon as your eyes met his, you felt the missing piece you had been lacking. His presence filling you up in ways you never knew you were empty. You were drawn to him, even though you knew how dangerous he was, you couldn’t help step towards him, despite the fact he was standing over a dead body.

It was the store owner. You had really liked her, she was always extremely kind. Your look of horror changed to one of concern though, at the state of the vampire in front of you. He looked almost... broken. As if he had suffered a great loss. Your head told you to run, get into the sunlight as soon as you could, but something made you stand stock still. You knew who he was. You had been told about him only a few nights ago. But the horror stories hadn’t scared you away. Not even the scene before you had scared you away.

You both just stared, as if you were studying something fascinating. For some reason, unknown to him, he didn’t lunge at you. He launched into a rant about his woes. You were used to this, your personality meant people often confided in you.

“She dumped me! She didn’t even chop my head off or burn me to ash, I mean, she doesn’t even care about me that much!” 

“Hey, it’s okay I’m sure she’ll change her mind. I’m sure you have lots of... nice qualities” You offered. He sighed over-exaggeratedly, pacing and stepping over his discarded meal before leaning against the wall and sliding down it. He crouched, head in his hands as he continued to speak.

“But she cheated! With a chaos demon! Have you seen one of those? They’re all goo and antlers” he shouted, tears spilling from his eyes that he angrily wiped away. You cautiously sat beside him, also leaning against the wall.

“That sounds pretty gross to me” You offer nodding along, your hand hovering as if you wanted to offer a comforting gesture but you weren’t sure if he would bite your hand off (literally). However, your fears subsided when he leaned against your shoulder, sniffling slightly. His tears starting to subside at your words, nodding along. The big, scary bad guy didn’t seem so bad. He was in pain.

“Then, you deserve better, Spike. It hurts now, but this might be good for you. Some time to look out for yourself, pick up the, uh, pieces” You offer, wavering at the end as his face had shifted. He was starting to get mad. He realised he had been vulnerable with you. That he was taking comfort with you. A human. A potential, he had even overheard from the witch. This wouldn’t do. He could feel himself falling. One ounce of kindness and that’s all it took for him to start falling. God, sometimes he hated being love’s bitch. 

He squinted, how did you know his name? Oh, right, you must know the Slayer. He’s just been vulnerable with one of the Slayer’s little slayerettes. He scowled at you, a dramatic change from his previous apparent sensitivity as he loomed over you. 

“Bugger off, I see you - you’re the Slayer’s mate aren’t you? Well, I don’t know what game you’re playing but you can bloody well- you can bugger right off!” He shouted, grabbing your jacket, balling it up in his fist and pointing in your face. His face changed, his bumpy forehead shifting his features. You just stared back, everything had happened so fast you weren’t sure what could be said. Even now, you just wanted to reach and hug him. And, if you had I’m sure he would have hesitated but hugged back. But you didn’t and for some reason, he dropped his hand from your clothing and stalked away. 

The next time you saw him, was a few days later. For some reason, his mind had started to move from Drusilla’s betrayal and he had a new object of his affection. You bump into him late at night as you walked back home after helping Buffy patrol, he still looks a little upset. He was definitely a little drunk and so, you took pity on him. He insulted you when he first saw you, trying to keep up the façade but it quickly melted away at how genuine you were about how he was doing. He softened, even slightly, nodding along to your words. He followed you to your door, already starting to miss you as the key turned in the lock.

“Come in?” You offered over your own shoulder as you stepped over the threshold. He squinted, unsure if he had heard you right before smirking. 

“You’re just asking to be eaten up, aren’t you?”

“No, I can just see you’re hurting. Talk to me, I won’t tell a soul” you promise, setting out two mugs and offering him a drink. He nodded, taking the mug and hugging it to him. The warmth comforting in a way that he wondered if your embrace would be the same. He knew it would. And now, as you spoke, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

After this, another moment where he hadn’t eaten you despite having a very easy chance, he took comfort in the fact that you were kind but not naïve. Kindness was his weakness and you weren’t like the scoobies, there was something about you. Like you had knowledge, not just because you appeared to be a few years older. Like you could truly understand.

When he left in the early hours of the morning, only because the sun was threatening to rise, he still insisted he was going after Drusilla. But instead, he couldn’t help sticking around. 

He realised he didn’t want to go back to Drusilla. He wanted kindness. He wanted you. He decided to lay low, staying in Sunnydale for you. To even catch another glimpse of you.

He became increasingly besotted with you. A small grain of affection growing into a vast and deeply rooted feeling of love.

After a while of accidentally bumping into him late at night, you realised Spike had moved back permanently. He was often found hanging around the place you had started renting after you moved out of Giles’ when you realised that this wasn’t a temporary stay in Sunnydale. He pretended he had been looking for you, saying that there was a gang of vampires that had taken over the east side of Sunnydale and that Buffy was busy with something else. He suggested that you both checked it out seeing as Giles had in fact determined, and now told you, that you were a potential. A slayer-in-training.

Spike drove you both. The car smelt of cigarette smoke and as if he had spilled an entire bottle of jack on the back seat. The whole way there he tried impressing you with how evil he was, despite the fact he was out doing Buffy’s job. You pointed this out to him, not wanting to upset him but because it was a valid point. He explained it was the principle of the thing, he wasn’t turning good. Not for anything. 

You were fond of him, and he loved everything about you. How caring you were. How sweet your smile was to him. How you knew so much about being in a time you’re not really from. He found you were incredibly easy to talk to, having now poured his heart out on more than one occasion. Another thing is that often, he didn’t feel the need to talk - he just wanted to hear you talk about everything and anything.

This was what you were doing on the car journey. You were explaining about music apps and how you could have all of your music, not just the beat up cassette tapes Spike had littering his car, on one tiny device. He listened, fascinated about everything you would tell him of the future.

You parked up and waited in the car a while, waiting for any sign of this illusive vampire gang. 

After a while, Spike turned the heat up a little, noticing you were cold. He slipped his duster off, not making eye contact as he offered it to you. You smiled and took it, but then realised what the gesture could mean. You slipped it on, bundling it around you the best you could before looking back to him wit ha little furrow on your brow.

“Is, uh, this a date Spike?” you ask finally, not able to stop yourself grinning at his reaction. 

“What?! No! Uh, unless you… y’know… wanted it to be?” He muttered, noting your smile. It made him melt. You nodded confirmation, a small smile. You’d love a date with him. He nodded, mirroring you. Then you both stared ahead of you, not sure what else to say. You were overthinking it now. 

A date with a human?

A date with a vampire?!

But when your eyes met again, none of it mattered. You grinned, reaching your hand to lay on top of his. Squeezing slightly, giving him that sweet smile he loved so much.

You were supposed to be predator and prey and yet it was nothing like this. Neither of you could deny your feelings. He couldn’t lie and say he magically didn’t think about the way your blood would taste, but he never wanted to hurt you. It was almost physical, he ached for you to be happy.

He moved to look back at you in the passenger seat and couldn’t help smiling, although it ended up on the other side of his face when the vampires you had been looking for found you instead. They had been real and not made up as an excuse to talk to you. You had fought together, perfectly in sync with the other, having each other’s backs on instinct. It was the best first date you had both ever had, ending in a passionate kiss as the last remnants of vamp-dust fell to the ground.

After months of researching the prophecy of the ‘Future one’ that Giles decided had to be you, you had also become Spike’s girlfriend. This was on the down-low to begin with, Spike was definitely seen as evil and not just because he had done a deal with some questionable demons in order to make some money and hoped to get the chance to kill Buffy at the same time. You navigated your relationship around this, trying to steer him and Buffy out of each other’s way the best that you could. 

Spike stalked in, blood smeared around his mouth that he wiped off with his shirt sleeve, trying to look at least a little presentable when he realised you were waiting up for him.

He softened when he saw you sleepily cuddled on the sofa, the glare of the tv lighting up your face. Coming back to see you was heaven, if he believed in any of that stuff. You made this crypt a home and coming back to have you waiting in the early morning was bliss. He wanted you to move in, but you kept your apartment for appearances in front of the Scoobies. 

He moved to you, cupping your cheek and pulling you in for a kiss. It was soft and slow, but full of meaning - as if he was sucking the soul from you. Replacing it with his love. His promise that souls didn’t matter when it was love.

“What was that for?” The meaning behind his kiss almost waking you up completely. Knocking the breath from your lungs. The sleep from your eyes. Eyes a little wider, smile a little brighter. 

“I love you, pet” he shrugged, sitting beside you on the sofa.

“I love you too, even though you taste suspiciously like the red-stuff” You can’t help still smiling sleepily. He sat beside you on the sofa, allowing you to settle in beside him. He let you lay against him and you snuggle into his side as he wrapped an arm around you. His soft whispers match the soothing caress as he rubbed your arm as you started to drift into sleep. You felt so safe with him.

You would never have guessed that not an hour before this vampire had been terrorising humans, draining them and taunting them. He of course never told you that was what he did, and he could never for a second imagine hurting you that way, but you had suspicions and you tried your best to not bring it up or ask him to try animal blood.

You trusted him, for better or for worse. By this time, you had been dating for almost a year and a half, for the most part hidden from the others. Willow knew, being the most understanding of the group. Anya had her suspicions but the others weren’t aware.

A while after all of your friends found out about your relationship with Spike (they had walked in on you both in a compromising position that no amount of excuses could explain), you got a call from Giles. He had still been looking up a way for you to go home and he had finally found one. 

It was time for you to choose. Between the prophecy and going back to the future.

“Y/n, I’ve found it! You may go home” he offered, an aged scroll and a tablet with runes carved on it in his hands. You stared, in shock. You knew what this meant. It meant you could go back home to your family. Your friends. Your life before you met them all.

“I, uh…” you just stared. Things had been rocky for a while, you had been under suspicion for your relationship with Spike when they had found out, but everything had been getting back to normal now. You had barely thought about returning to 2020. You had made a life here.

“You do not have to do anything with this, y/n. You may, ah, wish to think about it. Or I could put these to one side if you ever did in the future want to go back. But I will be the first to say that you are one of us. None of us will take any pleasure in saying goodbye” Giles knew your fears, that the group would want you to leave because of your relationship with Spike. They weren’t pleased with it, but the arguments were over now. Everyone was still fond of you.

“Thanks, Giles. Can we keep this between us for now?” You asked and he nodded, hiding everything away safely until it was needed. 

Since that talk with Giles, Spike noticed you had been off with him. He tried asking, but you had snapped and he had become irritated. You had stormed away in the middle of the day so that he couldn’t follow you, avoiding an argument. You took your time coming back, having to think over everything. Should you go back to 2020 or stay in Sunnydale (with perhaps a perilous prophecy to fulfil).

When you returned, you told him everything. An honesty you both had tried to maintain throughout your relationship. You poured your fears, your apprehension and then he looked in your eyes, took your hands and offered you another option. an option you had never even considered until now. Your eyes widened, could he really love you that much?

“You’ll never be able to go back, love. Think about it. I’ll understand if you’d rather try to look for that portal again to get back home” “I love you and I want you to stay here... with me” He finally said it. What you were hoping for him to say. Your grin spread across your face, nothing would have taken it from you. This moment, it was special.

“I want this, Spike. I want you” You confirmed, “You are home to me”

“You think you can handle an eternity with me?”

“I can give it a try at least” You smiled as he rolled his eyes.

He stared into your eyes, testing if you were serious before casting his gaze back to your neck. He could feel the steady beat, your trust in him. 

He leaned in, you braced yourself. He held your head back, cradling it. His mouth lingered despite his lusting for your blood. His face shifted, fangs now protruding from his mouth, the same eyes now a different colour scanning the unmarked skin there.

It was as if in slow motion. He whispered his affections for you, landing a soft kiss on your pulse point before his jaw opened. He moved in, teeth starting to pierce your flesh. You winced, hissing slightly and he paused but your hands moved and you nodded your continuing consent. He continued to intake your blood, swallowing the thick viscous liquid as if it were his last meal on this plain. 

When he managed to pull away, he sliced his palm, offering you your first taste of his blood. You gladly accepted, licking the cut before sucking hungrily. You pulled his hand closer to your mouth as he stroked the back of your head with his other hand. Your eyes darkened, wanting him, wanting to be filled with his blood. With anything he wanted to give you and offering your soul in return. Your soul was his to take.

This was forever. Bound by the love coursing through your veins. This was big for him, he had never sired anyone romantically before and he knew he never would again. This was a bond he only wanted with you. He loved you so much, to have you by his side was a gift to you both. 

You drank until your body slumped and he had to hold you up. Taking on your weight, laying you down on his bed. lovingly placing the covers over you. He lay himself beside you, on his side facing you, over the bedclothes. He stroked your cheek, it was as if you were sleeping. But you had no heart beat. You weren’t breathing. Your skin was hardening, marble-like. He smiled at this, a thumb gliding across your cheekbone.

He wasn’t grieving, he was in anticipation. Hoping your kindness, charm and laid-back nature wasn’t lost during the process. This had gone wrong for him before and he was desperate for all of the human qualities to be with you during your reawakening. 

After what felt like an age, your eyes opened and the first thing you saw were his sparkling blue eyes staring back. The smile on your lips mirrored his as your face shifted for the first time. Elongated fangs and a ridged forehead were now the new addition to your features, and he loved you more for it.

“I never would have thought… after everything” you sighed, having woken up from what felt like a sleeping-beauty style 100 year sleep. You thought about where you had come from. How you had met, how he had threatened you, how the Scoobies - your friends - had reacted to your relationship with Spike. It had all been worth it to be here with him like this.

Your joints were stiff, your senses heightened. But your love for him was just as deep as it was before. Your genuine nature bruised a little, maybe grazed but not removed from you the way some vampires appeared to have their good qualities surgically taken. 

“Well, the Powers-that-bloody-don’t have a funny way of working things out” he shrugged, not able to stop himself smiling that it was really still you. 

“Now, come on pet, I want to show you the afterlife properly” He smirked, pulling you up from bed to follow him, about to show you the joys of the hunt. He could tell you would be hungry, he was ready to show you everything. He was so pleased he had truly found someone that loved him the same way he loved them. Someone he could cherish, that would cherish him in return. Someone he could hold long into the day and not worry about some other vampire coming along and catching your eye. You were both in deep. And happily so.

This was the start of your un-life together. Little did either of you know, in a couple of months time, Spike would no longer be able to kill a living thing. A chip would be embedded  into his brain. You would stay by his side, a precarious truce with the others still. Your soul almost intact, but never quite in the room. Your love for him would never die, even through the tough times that were coming. 

Your prophecy something you would have to encounter eventually, but you could both face anything as long as you were together. Bound together for an eternity.

[chilling-seavey]

Can you please do a blurb where Daniel and Florence and the girls go to Disneyland or an amusement park or something!

I love this idea omg thank you! I think this turned out as one of my favourites!! I was going to do Disneyland but I’ve never been so I won’t be able to write accurately but I will take this lovely idea and write it more local...

As usual, I had an inspo photo... (minus the baby powder obviously lol)

Canada’s Wonderland was the place for good adventures for any age group. When Daniel moved to Toronto for school, he and his friends visited the theme park a few times (until their money ran out and they were stuck eating ramen for a week before the got another set of paycheques), so when the girls were old enough, Daniel made sure the family could go themselves. The girls had never been to a theme park before – even Clementine who was already nine-and-a-half – so when summer came around, Daniel and Florence dug into their entertainment savings to take the girls out for a day.

It was a 45 minute drive north to the park, the girls in the backseat dressed in shorts and t-shirts with little ball-caps on their tied back hair, running shoes swinging back and forth with excitement and they all sang along messily to the music through the speakers. Daniel paid for parking and they found an empty spot way too far away from the entrance, but it was to be expected on a weekend in July. The girls were slathered with sunscreen by Daniel, as Florence took the wagon from the trunk and stocked it with water bottles and the backpack full of supplies they might need for the day. Lucy climbed right in excitedly, her tiny sunglasses perched on her nose and Florence buckled her in.

They waited in line a while to get through security check and get the girls’ bracelets so they knew what rides they could go on based on their height for safety. Penelope and Lucy sat in the wagon together, looking around the park at the waterfall and huge (man-made) mountain at the end of the reflecting pool that was shooting water in fancy twirls.

“Where are we gong first?” Clementine asked, skipping to get ahead with her hand in Florence’s to try and pull her along faster.

“We’ll start small, okay?” Daniel chuckled at her excitement, pulling the wagon behind him.

They made their way across the crowded park to the kids’ area. Penelope stuck in the wagon at first, watching her sisters go from little ride to little ride (Lucy going on the tiny airplanes twice because she loved it so much). Daniel and Florence took turns going with the girls and staying with the wagon. Penelope finally let Daniel convince her to go on the merry-go-round with him and she absolutely loved sitting on the metal horse beside his own, watching the world spin around them. That was sort of her gateway and she tried a few other little things around the park before lunch.

They all stopped for slices of pizza (which cost a ridiculous amount of money), the outdoor fans not doing much against the summer heat and Daniel ended up fanning the girls with his paper plate to try and cool them down as they ate.

“Why don’t we look at other rides?” Clementine suggested. “The kid rides are boring.”

“We can see what else is around.” Florence agreed, passing her a napkin to wipe her face.

“Bored already, are you, angel?” Daniel chuckled.

“I want to go on the biggest roller coaster!” Clementine said loudly.

“I don’t know if you’re tall enough.” Daniel said. Clementine frowned at him.

When lunch finished, the family left the kids’ zone and found slightly bigger rides for the older two girls to try. The roller coaster through the mountain was a hit for Clementine but the lights and the screams as the ride went into the dark were not fun for Penelope and she came off crying and clinging onto Daniel, embarrassed as strangers stared at her.

“It wasn’t scary, Nell.” Clementine tried to reason with her sister as she walked beside them, Penelope’s face buried in Daniel’s neck. “It was just a pretend dragon.”

“There was a dragon?” Penelope’s head shot up with fear in her eyes.

“Okay, go run to Mommy.” Daniel nudged Clementine ahead of them and she took off across the walkway to where Florence was waiting with the wagon and Lucy. When the family was back together, Daniel set Penelope in the wagon as she was almost eight and was getting a bit big to be carried for long, and he pet her sweaty hair back from her face and handed her a water bottle, “Just take a bit of a breather, okay, bug?”

Penelope nodded, taking the water from him and took a small sip, wiping her eyes with her free hand.

Daniel stood up and slid an arm around Florence’s shoulders, “No more pushing limits today.”

“I agree.” Florence chuckled lightly, glancing back at their middle daughter with the drying tears on her flushed cheeks.

Of course, that didn’t last for long as they passed the biggest roller coaster in the park and Clementine was screaming, “That one! I wanna ride this one!”

“That one is way too big, Clemmy.” Florence said.

“No, it’s not! I have the teal bracelet and the sign says teal bracelet and the orange bracelet can ride!” Clementine pointed to the sign at the entrance to the queue. She whipped back around to her parents. “Please, can I go?!”

“I don’t know, angel. Why don’t we work our way up to it?” Daniel suggested, biting lightly at his bottom lip as he stared up at the copper coloured metal track that reached into the sky and dipped down into a 90-degree free fall.

“No! Daddy, please!” Clementine begged, wrapping her hands around his arm.

“I think it’s Mommy’s turn to take you.” Daniel looked to Florence.

“I can’t; I just had a baby.” Florence shrugged, gesturing to Lucy.

“Four years ago.” Daniel gaped.

“I can go by myself!” Clementine suggested.

“No!” both parents said quickly.

“This one goes upside down, you know that, right?” Daniel asked his daughter.

“Yes!” Clementine grabbed his hand in both of hers and tried to pull him towards the lineup. “Please, Daddy! Please!”

Daniel closed his eyes a moment and groaned, “Okay, fine.”

“Yay!” Clementine took off into the queue, leaving Daniel to take off his baseball hat and hand it to his wife.

“If I never see you again, I love you.” Daniel whispered, kissing her once.

“Have fun.” Florence chuckled, tucking her finger in the collar of his black tank top and pulled him in for one more kiss.

“Daddy!” Clementine shrieked.

“Coming, angel.” Daniel called back, rushing after her to line up, ruffling a hand through his hair that had been matted down by his hat. It was about a thirty-minute wait; the entire time with Daniel spent making himself more and more nervous. He hated holding in emotions in front of his daughters, but he didn’t want Clementine to think that he wasn’t as brave as she was…not to mention as brave as the other older dads around them that seemed completely calm.

Thankfully, they didn’t get the front seat and they were stuck in the middle which was perfectly fine with Daniel. He made sure Clementine was properly buckled in (twice) and checked himself a couple times too even before the worker came by to do the official check of the seatbelts and restraints. Clementine looked so small behind the over the shoulder restraints and Daniel could only pray that he wasn’t being a terrible father by letting her do this.

Soon, the train was given the go ahead and they took off towards the hill. Daniel kept glancing at Clementine on his left, her legs kicking excitedly as they dangled over the track, trying to keep himself as still as humanly possible. Now Daniel wasn’t scared of much, he wasn’t even overly scared of roller coasters either, but this 90-degree angle and the longest, fastest, tallest roller coaster in the world that did not sit right with him.

The train reached the top of the hill and paused, dangling over the side for a moment.

“Oh gosh, Clementine-” Daniel whispered shakily, barely finishing his sentence before they went over the edge. The nine-year-old was screaming at the top of her lungs and Daniel was honestly right there with her, saying a few words he was not proud of when they hit the loops.

By the time the ride stopped and they got out at the station, Daniel was a mess, trying to stabilize his legs, but Clementine was laughing loudly and running ahead to their family. With Florence and her sisters in sight, Clementine took off faster towards them.

“Daddy said a bad word!” Clementine shrieked with laughter as she reached her mother. “He said lots of bad words!”

Florence looked up to her husband who was nearly wobbling out of the exit gate, looking a bit shaky and pale. He trudged over to them and draped himself over Florence with a groan.

“Wow. Such a good dad.” Florence smiled, running a hand through his sweaty hair.

“Daddy! That was so fun! Let’s go again!” Clementine tugged at his shirt.

“No, no.” Daniel waved her off gently as Florence draped his hat on his head again. “We’re going back to Lucy’s rides now, angel.”

“Ok, you can do that and I’ll stay here!” Clementine suggested.

“Clementine Ophelia, you’re going to give your father a heart attack.” Florence laughed. “Come on, we’ll all go share a funnel cake.”

By the time the day was over, Daniel finally felt a bit better and Clementine humoured him with less excessive roller coasters to fill their time. The park had nightly fireworks so they sat by the waterfall and watched the show as darkness fell. Lucy slept against Daniel’s shoulder as they headed back to the car, Penelope and Clementine waving their glowsticks around like they were wands, high on all the sugar they had during the day.

But the car ride brought silence, all three girls falling asleep in the backseat on the drive back to the city, Florence and Daniel listening to music quietly together in the front, hand in hand. Daniel glanced in the rear-view mirror at his daughters and then looked over his shoulder to look again at their peaceful sleeping faces before smiling over at Florence and raised her hand to his lips to press a kiss to her soft skin.

[pidgezero-one]

assorted thoughts about the state of my stream and discord server

haven't been doing the stream thing a whole lot lately, and that's mostly because of a couple of things

1) i've been very busy with commissions (see https://twitter.com/pidgezero_one/status/972189424955088897 for info) - this is good!

2) i've been kinda sick lately, symptoms of chronic fatigue syndrome. don't think this is what I actually have, but it was wild to be sleeping 10-11 hours a day after 10 hours of commuting+working. my job is not physically demanding or mentally draining, and i'm fairly certain that my exhaustion was partially caused by other ppl's personal drama surrounding me. this is bad

so anyway, i've completely emotionally checked out of the situations contributing to reason #2, and it's a bad feeling, but i definitely feel healthier and less tired. but this in part led to me kinda reconstructing my discord server to:

a) be less "intense" of a social environment - not only was the serious talk channel being used in ways that are not really appropriate for a public stream discord (which I think contributed to an atmosphere which would be alienating to many members), it was also feeling kinda cliquey at times and it felt strange to me that I couldnt even keep up with my own server most of the time. i wanted it to be somewhere chill where anyone who watches my stream can contribute without having to be part of an established friend group, but at the same time the LAST thing I want is to discourage people from forming close friendships with each other (seriously, if that can happen because of a community I created, that's a personal victory for me)! finding that balance is an ongoing learning process I guess. i think removing the channel in question was prob the best compromise here.

b) include more dedicated channels related to my stream content. i've spent the last few days brainstorming sub perks and such and am kinda working on that in the background. chances are everyone in my discord is there because they either like my stream or like being friends with me, so it probably ought to be easier to find stuff in there related to my stream

i kinda hope that ppl who have been active there before and have fallen off will start to come back, but also that ppl who are active there wont feel like im trying to make our home a sterile place. just trying to find that inclusive balance

as for frequency/content:

i've got a ton more art commissions to do, but tonight i'll be resuming doing art streams. i think i've been burning myself out pushing myself to get through my entire queue before I even think about streaming, when in reality balancing my time throughout the week will result in higher quality work.

i'm on a huge smrpg kick right now, and that means running whatever category I feel like. that means i'm returning to any% as soon as I finish rebuilding my strat chart. I pbed culex RTA yesterday, I routed and ran an all bosses category for fun, and MOTS is the most fun ive ever had with speedrunning, but I do wanna go back to the real category as well.

early morning streams have been good to wake me up, for the foreseeable future this will just be idiot pills 1-10 as it's all I have time for in the morning. so far i've short-streamed every weekday at 6 am for two weeks and plan on keeping the habit up.

on the side i'm resuming dkc2 and AC. casually I wanna play the nier games, alttp, super metroid, ff9 in the nier (heh) future

a tougher topic: i'm not really sure where to go with the presentation of my stream. i've always just done, said, and played whatever I felt like. for the most part I want to keep doing that, but there are some overhauls i'm considering, namely i've been thinking for a while about making my stream more pg. i'm approaching 30 and many of my friends have young kids at home and i don't want to be off limits to them because i'm swearing too much or being inappropriate or whatever. at the same time, the viewers who built the community I already have, have done so and participated under my long history of relative lack of rules to enforce, which has been clearly enjoyable for them considering the wonderful support i've gotten, and I absolutely don't want to alienate them either. this doesn't have an easy answer and is something i'll have to think about for a while.

another thing that's been nagging at me for a while: meme typecasting! I get blamed a lot for "encouraging it", but if you really pay attention... read my tweet history, discord messages, twitch chat messages, etc, see for yourself there really aren't that many memes there lol. you know what it's like when you make 1 joke around somebody and then references to that joke become the only things they *ever* say to you, and then you don't know how to say "ok, that's getting kinda stale" without sounding like a jerk? this is how I feel when like I try to say something serious and am just met with a wall of emote spam or my sentence rephrased with a random word replaced with "dicks" for example. idk what I even do that encourages it, is it just the fact that I don't say anything when it happens? I really don't like to be the fun police and don't like to be a jerk about harmless jokes and just wanna be grateful that people enjoy saying anything to me at all, but man, being pigeonholed as something i'm very clearly not gets kinda tiring :( there's not really a good way to have everyone in the world understand the concept of moderation, is there? either way i don't really like when it gets outta control in my chat/discord, but that doesn't mean I want ppl to stop making those jokes *entirely*, you know? because I do the whole nonsense spam in chats too, but I also make it a point to know when it's too much and also have it not be the *only* thing I do -- it's harmless at the end of the day and people are just having fun, but still feels kinda invalidating when it's all the time lol

stream monster-y stuff also annoys me more than it should. ive thought several times about censoring "rip" and emotes like "NotLikeThis" from my chat lol. also not a big fan of ppl who go overboard with joking insults, theres maybe only 2 or 3 ppl who can do this with me and have me actually find it funny, and I doubt any of them are reading this. i just make a point of not responding to it because there's nothing to gain from openly getting mad about it

I have no illusions about obtaining partnership. it would be nice to have, but it's not something i'm actively pursuing or really care about. any changes I make to my stream/community are being considered for what would make it more fun for me and more accessible for anyone who likes me or the things/games I stream, and that's what makes it toughest

just some thoughts for now, i'm just gonna keep doing what I feel like doing going forward.

[bubbleteajuseyo]

Living My Best Atiny Life At Ateez's Global Fansign in NY | K-Music Mondays | Bubbleteajuseyo

안녕하세요 여러분! (*＾▽＾)／ 

How have you all been?

I want to say I'm sorry again for my past hiatuses and just not being consistent with uploading before (both videos and blog posts). I will for sure be more active on here (and eventually my channel, but that’s a discussion for another day).

And this post in particular, is long overdue and involves my weekend at KCon NY this past summer. 

KCon NY this year was....STRESSFUL AF! Part of me deep down had a feeling everything wasn't going to go well.

Why?

Because leading up to it all, so much was happening. And by that, so much good news and amazing opportunities were coming my way that I felt like the universe was going to be like "LOL, life is going too well right now, lets see how we can mess it up a bit."

*Side note: I don't care, call me crazy all you want. However, realizing now that Mercury was in retrograde, it all makes sense why it seemed like such a chaotic mess the entire weekend.*

From early check-in to literally that Sunday night on my train ride home, nothing went how I had hoped/planned. And not going to lie, for all this stress, I might as well go to KCON LA next summer or KCON Japan.

And on top of that, I haven't been feeling well the past several weeks (mentally, emotionally, and physically) and it's just been an unpleasant roller coaster ride. So there's that.

KCON NY 2019

Like I said, so many good things were happening weeks prior. From finding out so much good news that week to just feeling so great about myself.

But it was literally the morning of early check in, everything just started to take a turn for the worst.

From missing my train to early check-in being a mess, trying to trade my hi touch with someone in the heat and pretty much wasting my time; my weekend was starting off chaotic.

Then the first day of KCON wasn't any better. It felt even more hot and disgustingly humid than the day before, which made me grateful the convention was inside this year. But walking from Penn Station to Javits was not a good time.

I got completely lost in Javits trying to find the line to wait to go into the convention once it opened up.

Then, I decided to be boo boo the fool and go to starbucks inside Javits to drink that dumb b*tch juice. And to my surprise the queue line wrapped around into a huge crowd of people trying to figure out where the line formed/ended.

WE LOVE THAT.

Oh, and to top it off, in the middle of all that mess and ending up being stuck in the queue line, it was 11:30AM and I had to be at the Kakao Friends booth to claim my giveaway ticket for the show that night by 12PM.

I was so stressed and about to have a breakdown in the middle of the line.

Luckily, Kakao Friends was very understanding while I was dm-ing them the entire time. And to my surprise, I actually made it to the booth with about 5 minutes to spare.

As soon as I got my ticket, I did some mini exploring of the convention and found the merch table.  Before I knew it, it was time for my Ateez audience engagement.

At that moment I could not believe they were right in front of me and then I was reminded that the next day I had the global fansign event.

My friend even kept reminding me I was going to be sitting face-to-face with them the following day and part of me wanted to throw up. It was slowly sinking in, but not fully.

My friend and I actually left the fan engagement when they did hi-touch to see more of the convention. We came across a couple of Youtube creators along the way, attempted to win her a free ticket to the concert that night, and much more.

I will say, just like last year, I wish I did even more with the convention. Especially panels.

However, like last year, the schedule for KCON was just a lot.

There were some booths I was not able to attend and the line to get food was always way too long. I missed a few of the stages at the convention and some panels, which sort of sucked.

But, what can you do? It is what it is, I guess.

What was even more upsetting, just like last year, Kung Fu Tea ran out of boba in the middle of the convention. Truly devastating. 💔

Besides all of that it wasn't that bad. Still a sh*t show, but fun nonetheless. If I get the chance next year to go to KCON, I took notes again as to what I will do differently. Even then, I plan to experience KCON LA or Japan instead.

Now, if we fast forward to the concert, I am still shook.

I want to take the time to thank Kakao Friends again because if it wasn't for them, I would not have had the opportunity to attend the show. I will forever be grateful because I had such a good seat!

All of the performances did incredible, and of course, Ateez snatched my soul.

Their 'Sicko Mode' stage was *chef's kiss* remarkable. I do wish they did ‘Pirate King’ since I probably don't know if I will ever see that or their 'Pick It Up' performance live. Regardless they put on an amazing show.

*Side note: I know they did ‘Pick It Up’ and ‘Pirate King’ during Klub Kcon, but unfortunately I couldn’t attend that either. Big sad. ㅠㅠ*

I enjoyed the other performances like The Boyz, Iz*One, Nu'Est and TxT.

And let me say Iz*One is so pretty. I am still heartbroken that Everglow couldn't make it because I know their stage would have been incredible. However, Iz*One had a breathtaking stage and killed it.

With having time to fill, all of the artists did their best to fill in for Everglow's time slots and I couldn't be more proud. It was still a fun time and made up for the crappy events that happened during the day.

Now, let’s move on and discuss the following day and the best day.

Ateez Global Fansign in NY

Before going to the fansign, I had to run some errands basically at Javits Center before heading to the venue to line up. Such as giving my friend her tickets to the concert that night and selling my SF9 hi-touch since it was pretty much at the time of the fansign. 

I took an Uber from Javits to the theatre because it was too hot to walk and I still don’t know how to take the subway in NY. Also, was trying to not get sweaty and gross in the subway, or while walking either.

Upon arrival, I have to say, I was anxious as hell walking up to the line to wait. I wouldn’t say I felt out of place, but I was scared to try and make other Atiny friends. Which, I had nothing to be concerned about because the Atiny I met that day were so welcoming and that in itself was just so comforting. 

And right now I just want to take the time to give some shoutouts to my favorite Atiny.

I mentioned Whitnee and Deni I believe in a previous twitter thread or so, and they are literally sweet angels and I couldn’t be more grateful to have had the chance to meet them at the fansign. Whitnee was the first Atiny I spoke to as we waited in line for check-in, while Deni saved my life, so these two deserve the entire world and to live their best Atiny lives always and forever. So, a massive shout out to the two of them for being the first Atiny’s I encountered in real life. I adore you both and hope we can reunite soon!

And although I didn’t meet any of them at the fansign (which hoping to change all of that in the future), a massive shout out to the Hagtiny group chat. I love you hags with my whole heart and hope you live your best Atiny lives as well.

One more shout out to Aleah since I went up randomly to her and her friends and was like, “Anyone want a free Ateez album?” And since I had an extra one and we exchanged twitters, we literally have been friends since and met up again at the Mingi cafe event.

Oh, and thank you all for putting up with my soft hours on twitter and in text message.

There’s for sure more people on this shout out list, but I’m going to mention them in the another post. Otherwise, we may be here for a bit longer and I know you all want me to get back to discussing the fansign.

Now, where were we?

Oh, so after we all checked in and picked numbers, we found our seats. This is when emotions slowly creep up on you. As everyone gets settled and once they go over the rules and stuff for the event, suddenly the boys come out and pick their seating order.

Now, this is where it actually sinks in as they stand on stage in front of you in a small theatre. Then you remember that you will soon be sitting face to face with each member, one by one.

I drew number 98, so I was in the last row of the theatre and luckily it was elevated so I was able to still see everything. However, it was kind of a sucked. When you’re that far back waiting for your turn, your nerves just build up more and more.

So, not only were my nerves getting the best of me, my head was hurting, I was nauseous, and exhausted. But this was because I was also running off of little to no sleep, and didn’t eat all day. Therefore, I owe Deni my entire soul and one of my kidneys. She saved me by giving me a bite of the granola bar she was eating and water so I can take advil for my headache and to just have something in my stomach to hold me over. She also comforted me while we waited. Not only did Deni prevent me from dying, we actually spoke the entire time. Had like 800 trips to the bathroom and played games in the back row, such as: how many members can we get to ‘hit the woah’ with us. 

I blew a kiss to Hongjoong then he blew one back and then mimicked me freaking out and losing my sh*t. And this was when there was one to two rows ahead before it became our turn.

So, being in the last row honestly wasn’t that much of a bummer. It was actually a lot of fun. So I’d rather be in the back for a fansign again.

Finally, the time comes. Our row gets called up. I’m lowkey worried I’ll collapse or something while going up and down the stairs. The staff checks our post-it questions and then we wait until it’s our turn to sit down.

Once it was my turn to sit down, I almost lost it. My biggest fear was them having San start the line. And what do you know, Wooyoung (he chose the seat order) did me dirty.

The order was: San, Wooyoung, Seonghwa, Yunho, Mingi, Hongjoong, Yeosang, Jongho.

Then again, regardless of the order, I would have died internally anyway. BUT, Choi San just-

Let me take another moment to express how Choi San literally ruins me and is at the top of my bias wrecking list. That smile. Oh my, that smile. That is what gets me everytime and for him to start the line and smiling the way he does, I was done.

So, I sat down with San and just when I thought I would lose it because of that smile...I actually felt comforted? Like the nerves started to die down a bit. Same goes for Wooyoung,which him and Jongho intimidated me at first.

I mean I’m still intimidated by Jongho, but I’ll talk about that another time. And as for Wooyoung, I have the biggest soft spot for him.

But as I moved from each member, the nerves just kept decreasing and it turned into pure comfort and happiness.

In this twitter thread I describe in detail my experience with each member, along with a clip I found from another Atiny’s video of me interacting with Mingi. I hope you all enjoy reading the thread.

Speaking of which, here is another shout out to JaNey because I was looking to see if anyone recorded the entire fansign and came across her channel to discover she basically did. And when I say I was so happy, I cried.

The one thing I really regret from the fansign, was not bringing my DSLR nor having the courage to ask someone to record me.

And now, here is a really soft and emotional moment. With those being on my list of things I wish I did and didn’t do, comes this one thought (or many thoughts).

I am super grateful for this experience. Beyond grateful, actually. I almost didn’t even try for this fansign because I honestly thought I would not have gotten in. I’m glad I took the chance.

However, the more I think about it, that may have been my only chance. Again, I’m super grateful for the opportunity, since I know there are some who still haven’t gotten to experience meeting them. But, when the chance comes and goes, you can’t help but think what if you never get to do it again? Then you really start to miss them. It’s a very complicated feeling to explain right now.

Maybe that’s me being a little selfish, but there is so much I wish I could have said or done, that I didn’t get to say or do.

That’s why it sort of hurts when I see some people I'm mutuals with getting attacked for attending multiple events like fansigns. Because if I could, I would do the same. And I also think they may feel the same way, not knowing when it will be their last time meeting them. 

Therefore, I live vicariously through them. And I hope every Atiny gets to have that moment. I’m hoping that maybe I’ll get more chances in the future, but I could only be so lucky. So, I won’t get my hopes up too much. Like I said though, I’m super grateful that my first fansign experience in general was with Ateez.

I don’t even know where to begin with how happy these boys make me, it’s been a long time since a group has had me feeling like this. Maybe I’ll do a massive blog post explaining this.

Leave a reply to this blog post telling me how happy Ateez makes you.

Overall, my weekend for KCON was definitely one of the many highlights of my year. Despite coming across a lot of bumps in the road, I appreciate the fact that I was allowed to have such a remarkable and memorable time. The highlight, of course, being the fansign.

Not only did I get to meet the 8 boys who have had a huge impact on my life, but I have developed some heartwarming friendships since then.

Ateez & Atiny make one team. 💖

I want to thank you all for reading this blog post. 

Also, please hit that follow button for my blog. Even drop some suggestions in my ask box for what you would like to see for K-Music Monday posts. Or even reply below to this post. I’d be truly grateful either way. *^^*

Thank you so much again for reading this post and if you haven’t already, make sure you join the #BOBASquad to receive exclusive newsletters regarding my channel, blog and my journey to finally move to Korea.

And make sure to subscribe and hit that notification bell to my channel for when I finally end another hiatus that I’ve been on. Because I’ve been on this rollercoaster when it comes to feeling confident enough to film and upload. There will definitely be a whole video to the blog post I’ll be uploading on here.

I want to add, if anyone wishes to donate and support this adventure I’m on to move to Korea for university, please check out my Ko-fi page. 

All earnings will be going into my savings account for future projects I have planned for my blog/channel to be a full-time content creator, to save an go back to Korea in Summer 2020, and then officially move to Seoul by 2021.

This isn’t really about me, this is about how many people can I bring with me on this adventure to motivate to take the leap themselves.

I really hope you all enjoyed this post and thank you so much for taking the time to read this!

Until next time~

감사합니다!

나중에 봐요! 💕

[justaboywithaonemanshow]

My first Ed Sheeran Concert / Argentina / May 2017

I know nobody reads my blog and I’ve got literally 5 followers and this is going to be a long post but I really need to write this down ❤️

So last Saturday was my first ever Ed Sheeran show (and first ever proper concert experience) and I’ve got to say...IT WAS THE BEST FUCKING DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!!! I’ve lived a pretty decent amount of years and had experienced some beautiful, unique things through out my time on earth but OH MY GOD THIS WAS SO AMAZING, I just can’t get over it, it’s been a week and I’m still super excited about it (I’m also a pain in the ass for everyone who knows me because I just can’t shut up, I’ve literally been talking about it non stop since Saturday) 

I arrived to La Plata at 10:30 am, I live in a small town 620 miles away from it, on the northeast of the country so I had to take a really really REALLY long 13 hour bus ride to get there. I rushed to the hotel, quickly changed my clothes and went to the stadium. My cousin/god-daughter was already queuing with her older brother who was saving my spot. All this madness actually started because of her, in September she’s turning 15 and when the tour dates were released I knew this was the most perfect present for her (she loves Ed). Long story short, at first I wasn’t going with her, her brother was (he’s not keen on Ed), I had to work plus I’m doing a master’s degree that should be finished by the end of may so things were complicated, but then I though fuck it, you only live once! and decided to join her. By the end of march I surprised her with the tickets (which I kept secret for a whole month) and our Ed Sheeran journey began.

I got to the stadium at 11:30am, we had general admision ticket (the front section) so we had to queue to get good spots, when I arrived there were like two blocks of people queuing, some of them arrived on Tuesday and were camping outside for 3 days! We started chatting with some girls who were next to us and spend the whole afternoon together, we were like 6 girls and a dad, laughing and having fun, talking about Ed and stuff, it was so nice to get to know them ❤️ We even heard Ed doing the soundcheck and started screaming like maniacs (Argentinean people scream a lot hahaha)

By 4pm the queue started moving and we were slowly entering the stadium in groups, we ran like crazy (while screaming, obviously) even though the guards kept telling us NO RUNNING! When I entered the stadium I was so shocked by how huge it was and how close we were to the stage! I had no hopes of being close since I was arriving on the date of the show, I even brought my glasses because I thought it would be so hard to see him but, to my surprise, we ended up like 6 or 10 people away from the barricade, we were so so happy we send a voice message to our family screaming in joy. 

And then the wait and torture began, we were literally compressed, I coudn’t even move my arms and sometimes it was really hard to breathe, my cousin ended up a little bit further away from me because I went to get merch when we arrived but I kept an eye on here most of the time. The first oppening show (a local singer) was pretty good, a bit boring. Then it was Antonio Lulic’s turn, he was super charismatic and fun but I was so uncomfortable I just wanted to go, there was a point where I though “this is awful, I’m never getting general admision tickets again” How wrong I was.

It was a really cold day, 9º and it rained a few times, by the time Antonio was done and we were waiting for Ed it started pouring heavily, but we where so hot and pushed together that it was a relief. At 20:30 exactly the screens were lit, we where like 40,000 people inside the stadium, and boom there he was, in all his ginger glory, playing Castle on the Hill with his small guitar sporting a red hoax t-shirt over a flannel (I was hysterical about the flannel lol I just missed them so much) and those lovely tight jeans. And at that moment I knew, everything was worth seeing him, the wait, the cold, the rain, the pain, the pushing, the hair of the girl in front of me in mouth, he was there, a few meters a away from me. It was surreal, seeing him there, I’ve watched so many videos, and I was seeing him live so clearly, he was incredibly beautiful, he had the warmest smile I’ve ever seen, his hair bright orange and the red suited him perfectly, his eyes bright and excited. 

As usual, when he arrived people screamed to the top of their lungs and the Ed Sheeran party began, we were so so loud, and he was so so impressed. After Castle on the Hill he said “Hello, this is amazing” and told us he was looking forward to coming back to Argentina because he remembered how loud we were, and dared us to be even louder than the whole european tour (we were).

The rest of the night was pure magic, I was still uncomfortable but it was so worthy, I kept moving from different spots because people literally dragged me, sometimes I was closer to the stage, sometimes not so much. I sang, jumped, cried and scream through the almost 2 hour show. Apart from being amazingly talented as always and his voice just as sweet, beautiful and powerful, he was super happy to be there. That was the best part, seeing him enjoying the experience as much as we were. 

He kept moving closer to the edge of the stage and I was swooning every time he did, you can literally hear me in the videos sighing “ahhh”.

He sang Castle on the Hill, Eraser, The A Team, Don’t / New man, Dive (which he asked us to sing the loudest while it was raining heavily), Bloodstream (one of my favourite to hear live, because of the energy that performance has and the heavy guitar action), Galway Girl, Feeling Good / I See Fire, Barcelona (every time he sang the lyrics in spanish he smirked, he knew we would scream even louder, Perfect, Happier (where he asked us to turn the lights on, the view was beautiful), Thinking out loud, Photograph (I cried through the whole song, you can hear me sobbing while singing in my video) and then something amazing happened. In between songs we, the people in the general admission area, started screaming “Give me love, give me love” to which he answered “Try next time”. After Photograph, he grabbed his guitar, looked at us while we kept screaming “Give me love” and asked Trevor to bring any guitar that was on tune and HE STARING SINGING GIVE ME LOVE, we were hysterical, we asked, he did it, it lasted nearly 9 minutes, it was breath taking, he even set up a chorus in the crowd, dividing us in Higher Harmony, Lower Harmony and asking to sing non-stop, no matter what happened while he sang and directed us like an orchestra (you must have seen the video by now) It was magnificent. Then came Nancy Mullingan (he asked us to sing the nanananana instrumental part) and Sing (we jumped and screamed like psychos, it was super fun and energetic). He then run to change and came back with the Argentinean football t-shirt, I have to admit I was one of those people who thought it was silly when singers do that, and I didn’t understand the excitement of it, but when he came back I nearly peed in my pants hahahahaha it suited him so nicely, bringing out the blue in his eyes 🎵 Shape of you began, we where all dancing and jumping, and for closure, You need me I don’t need you, where he got all excited moving and running trough the stage like crazy while waving an argentinean flag. (overly excited Ed in YNMIDNY is my favourite Ed) And then he was gone.

I took a few pictures, almost all of them awful (I’m really bad plus my phone is crap) and videos where you can hear the crowd (and me) more than you can hear Ed hahahaha I tried to enjoy the show through my eyes rather than my phone, and I’m so glad I did.

Since december I’ve been strugling with a lot, went through something I thought I’d never had to deal with that got me really really down. The person I loved the most, that I thought would never hurt me, crushed me into pieces and the last 6 months were awful. I was depressed, didn’t leave the house, didn’t showered, lost weight, cut contact with all my friends and family but then the latin american tour was announced and I bought tickets for my god daughter. By the end of march I made the decision to go with her and from that exact moment things got better, I was finally looking forward to something, dreaming about the experience, smiling once again.  Ed’s music lifted me up in a way I tought it was not possible. The moment I saw him my heart was pounding so much. He was there, he was real. People tell me “If you didn’t go you’d have regreted it so much”. Now, being aware of what this type of experience is, what it makes you feel, I would never forgive myself if I decided to stay. I literally never imagined it would be THIS GOOD. 

20.05.17 is, by far, the best day of my life, I’ll never forget it. Thank you singer songwriter Edward Christopher Sheeran. You’re a magical human being.

*Sorry for my english but as you might have guessed is not my first language.

[ai-da-ice]

[Fan Account] ai-da-ice at Tokyo’s Tonikaku HEY Pre-release Event/Handshake Meeting

So, previously I wrote a guide to attending in-store-lives after going to FlowBack’s for their single “Booyah!”, but a pre-release in-store or live event is a slightly different beast since you can’t just buy a physical copy at the store and receive a lottery ticket. I went into this experience of going to a pre-release event for Tonikaku HEY a little blind, not really understanding how it would work but praying I would figure it out as I went along. Still, since I’ve had a bit of bad luck attending events such as missing the priority seating ticketing (Da-iCE’s Stickyle event), getting the worst lottery number and missing the autograph session (FlowBack’s in-store), and getting on the wrong train and blowing some of my shopping money on taxi fare (Chiruran), I was actually expecting for things to go wrong, but I think it went incredibly smoothly, so I’m a little shocked!

These were the basics I knew before the event: at 9, the venue (in this case, a pretty decently sized stage near the movie theater MOVIX at a shopping village in Akishima) would begin opening preorders for Tonikaku HEY as well as the handshake tickets, which vary from order to order. Basically, if you pre-ordered one album, you could get a ticket to have a brief handshake with all the members. If you pre-ordered all three versions, you could get an extra ticket for a longer handshake with an individual member. At 10, you could start participating in the priority seating lottery (sticking your hand in a mystery box and pulling out a ticket to determine how close to the stage you will be) after you secured your pre-order receipt. At 2 PM, the mini-live would begin.

Naturally, I was wondering about the huge gap between drawing the lottery at 10 and the actual performance starting at 2, so I was thinking I would have a lot of extra free time in Akishima. I even skipped breakfast, thinking I’d grab something when I was there. Also, since most of the events I had been to in Japan thus far hadn’t been big on letting people line up too early, I decided to arrive exactly at 9 for the preorders.

This wound up being kind of a mistake, although it wasn’t one with as many consequences as I had thought. When I arrived at the venue, the line was snaking all over the place and was looooooong. I arrived at 9, but didn’t even reach the pre-order tent until closer to 12. Naturally, I severely regretted skipping breakfast. Luckily, they played Da-iCE’s “Next Phase” album to keep us entertained, but it was still a long wait. Here’s an idea of what the line was like:

(PS I FAILED ART LOL)

There were a few downsides to this other than just waiting a long time and starving, though, like I said, nothing wound up being too big of a deal in the end. One was that we were allowed to choose which member we wanted to do the individual handshake with, and they had a limited number of tickets for each member, to keep everyone from all going to the exact same person and having one member with a gazilion more visitors than another. Sota’s tickets ran out pretty early into my wait, and Taiki ran out about an hour later, and so on. Also the priority seating tickets were also a limited number, so I was pretty convinced I’d miss out on both since I was so far back in the line.

As I finally got close to the pre-order booth, I received a form to fill out to let the staff know which albums I wanted. At that point, the all-member handshake tickets were available and Toru and Yudai hadn’t sold out yet, so I opted to pre-order all three versions and go for the individual member handshake if it was still available. Toru and Yudai are about equal in popularity, so I wasn’t sure which would run out first, and I didn’t mind handshaking with either because I love them both, so I waited to see which tickets were left before writing down which handshake I wanted. The form was fairly simple Japanese, so I was able to understand most of it-- you could choose whether you wanted the albums shipped to you or if you wanted to pick them up in Akishima. The shipping cost was actually cheaper than a round ticket back to Akishima for me, so I decided to have them shipped.

When I arrived at the pre-order booth, I was relieved that both the member handshake and individual handshake tickets were still available. Phew! I wound up with Yudai’s individual ticket, which I was very excited about. Unfortunately, the priority seating tickets were all gone (the bad luck finally strikes!), but the venue was set up in such a way that even people outside of the priority area were close, and when we actually got into the mini-live, the members looked at our area to the side frequently.

By time all this was finished, it was already around 12:30, so I made a break for the vending area so I could finally get something to drink and eat. I was a bit short on money, so I wound up getting an ice cream cone from the 17 Ice machine (the company Da-iCE/AAA/TRF rep for-- Hayate was on the vending machine), which also was kind of a mistake since it was very hot and promptly melted all over my hands. But since I got the handshake tickets I wanted, nothing could bother me. (Naturally, I washed my hands right away after finishing my messy ice cream out of respect for the members haha)

Around 1ish, the priority people started being admitted, and at a little after 1:30ish, guess who appeared a bit early...Sota and Yudai!! The two did a mic test and rehearsed Tonikaku HEY and Paradive right in front of us! Of course, this was just to check their mics and make sure the speakers were positioned correctly, so it wasn’t a full vocal performance, but it was still amazing to see them a little extra! They even had a little bit of audience participation by having us sing the songs when they were adjusting their sound sets.

At promptly two, the full group came onstage to kick off with Tonikaku HEY... or at least they tried to, but there was a slight technical difficulty in the intro, and they had to stand on stage for a second waiting for the music to come back on. Then it was off to showcasing their new single. It’s definitely a song suited to live performance like all their summer releases, and calls for several instances of audience participation through chanting the “HEY!” part along with them and mimicking the choreo during the chorus. I think it’s a really fun release which blends retro and modern music and am looking forward to the full release.

After, the five members had an MC about several subjects including the recently wrapped up Chiruran performances and Golden Week, the holiday going on in Japan right now which is one of the reasons the stage was so crowded--students are out of school, and a lot of adults are also off of work. They also did a brief Q&A, which I’d normally love to translate, but i‘m not quite sure what the audience members said because of the high levels of wind during the performance. I have a feeling there was something about ideal types and something about food based on Da-iCE’s responses. Da-iCE also went through and asked what areas of Japan we all came from. Since it was Golden Week, several people had come from quite far since they had the vacation time.

With the MC finished, they moved on to their final song, their hit from last summer “Paradive”! This song is truly a fan favorite for several reasons, but mainly because there is a lot of fan participation from the towel twirling during the chorus to the “HEY!” fan chants during the “come on and feel the heat...” breakdown. The energy whenever “Paradive” is performed at an event is crazy.

Since it was a mini-live, there were only those two songs, but thanks to the hand-shake event, there was still plenty to do afterwards. The group handshake was first, and went by pretty quickly-- I would say you have about time enough to say one quick thing to the members before being pushed along. I decided just to go for “ganbarimashita”-- “You did a great job”--since it’s short and to the point.

If I’m remembering correctly, the handshake order went Taiki-Toru-Yudai-Hayate-Sota. Though it was brief, it was a legit handshake where they clasped your hand in both of their hands while make eye contact. 3/5 members said “Thank you for coming” to me in English (Taiki, Toru, and Sota), while Hayate and Yudai said “arigatou”. Toru and Sota seemed to remember me from Chiruran since they both said “Thanks for coming again” T^T. For both Toru and Sota, I responded coolly with “Oh, it’s no problem,” but YES, it was a problem, because I felt ready to die of happiness~

I was naturally freaking out, but had to run back to the other side of the venue where everyone was lining up for individual handshakes. How this worked was after the group handshakes were over, the members went backstage to change out of their Tonikaku costumes, and the staff set up queues using partitions in front of the place each member would be standing. We lined up behind the signs of whatever member we had a ticket for. If people ordered A LOT of albums, they could potentially have multiple tickets, but they were advised to line up in the longest line first, and if there was enough time, to go back to another line to handshake with a second member. However, there was a cut off point for the event so the members wouldn’t be there all day (once again, it was quite hot).

Since I always blank out when speaking to idols, this time I spent some time practicing the general idea of what I would say depending on which member I was shaking hands with. I had to wait in Yudai’s queue for about twenty minutes before reaching him, so I felt like I was ready by time I reached him. Of course my heart was fluttering like crazy, but I stepped up, and he took both of my hands, and the following conversation occurred (in Japanese):

Yudai: Hello again, do you speak any Japanese? Me: Yes, a little. I met you last year in California. Yudai: Oh, that was [he couldn’t remember the name of which city]... Me: San Jose Yudai: Yes! Waaa, you came so far Me: I'm really happy I got to meet you again Yudai-kun! Yudai: Yes, me too me too (in English) me too 😃

Unfortunately, since my Japanese is so slow, that’s all we were able to say, but just having a longer length conversation with him made me so happy. Yudai, I’ll work harder next time!

After that, I was about ready to pass out from lack of food, so I had to hurry home. But overall, this was one of my most special experiences with Da-iCE. They’ve been so kind by greeting me in English all the time, but I’m going to improve my Japanese more so I can be more confident next time!!

[gruntadminloch-moved]

((venting post tbd it’s okay i talk myself through it this is literally stream of conscious you can just watch me think myself through something if you read this which is probably hilarious but also probably very not just ignore this i’ll actually delete this unlike everything else i tag tbd i swear

whenevr i consider reblogging like a ‘give my muse a nightmare’ meme or something similarly darker like that to explore that side of Loch or just any other side of him because i’ve explored like maybe a fifth at best

I feel like “yeah well you’re too new. people don’t know enough about loch to pull that off.” (disregard that i’ve been here what a month at this point? i answered an ask about things that trigger him and also included some fears in there?? loch’s pretty simple you can also take a wild guess based on ‘he REALLY likes kissing guzma’s ass’)

(also, hey, danie, why don’t people know more about loch? because you haven’t been doing your tags dipshit! why don’t you do those? clearly you want to! anxiety?? poor attention span??? well shit can’t do much about that now can we.)

at the same time some people reblog those and get silly/funny ones or general ones so. it wouldn’t hurt to do that.

I also feel bad doing memes when i could be doing proper tags. memes just come quick and easy. but it’s not really the right way to share info about the character rather than y’know actually playing him y’know? but i also feel bad about not posting so much when i’m in a rut like this. i should stop feeling bad because everyone tells me that it’s fine and not to feel bad but i don’t /shrug

unrelated vomiting warning obvs not for me tho but that’s a delicate thing for some people but my dad’s throwing up again which is great can’t do anything about that either

can’t do anything in general lol

I’m actually getting a tag done right now!!  unfortunately there are 30+ more waiting after that somet hat will probably be dropped for timing reasons but i wanna reply anyway to show that i’m still interested

just

blaah i suck /shrug

idk how i did this before idk how i was part of even ran a whole kind of indie multiverse space in the past i guess i had less on my mind and less to do i didn’t have a job i didn’t have to take care of my dad i was slightly more mentally healthy than before

just

i have so many excuses but i hate having excuses i feel like they’re never enough or they’re not well understood or just that everyone ELSE can power through their excuses wh can’t I????

(a lot of those people have meds or support systems or otherwise self that’s why. there are lots of reasons you’re you and you need to stop comparing yourself to other people it’s not HELPING it makes things WORSE and you’ve gotta stop making things worse for yourself because it just makes things harder for you)

i wonder if i’d feel better if i got things done but those things can be done whenever y’know? like the pile of laundry on my floor doesn’t feel as pressing as tags i’ve been sitting on for weeks. sure rl comes first but once i throw those in the washing machine i can just walk away and it’ll take care of itself. this is osmething i actively have to do

then again that’s the kind of logic that says it’s a priority. it’ll take five seconds. hell maybe i’ll do it now and feel like i did something. sweep up the rice i spilt on the floor earlier and feel a little better. hang up my clothes that’ve been sitting in my laundry basket for weeks and have stuff done. just the thought(or maybe the rambling) makes me feel a little less tense would you look at that

okay. i have a tag half done. i’m gonna finish it and queue it and then put some stuff in the laundry. do another(or part of another), hang up some clothes. yeah i can do that. good talk self you're gonna be fine

and y’know what once you do a few things reblog a meme or make a headcanon post or something. you’ve got this. you can earn things for yourself

feel like you’re gonna cry? that’s fine. go ahead and cry. whenever it comes. maybe listen to pikachu’s goodbye that used to make you cry all the time it might help get it out. you’re all manner of pent up and you need to pull yourself together

your arms might feel tense from restlnessness--adhd isn’t just being foregetful and distracted you get restless and angry and fidget too and you’ve been kind of still since you sat down to type. your body wants movement and activity besides using your hands and fingers. use them or flail around do some wall pushups or something. you’re gonna be fine. it’s amazing how nice it feels to talk to yourself sometimes and talk yourself through things. maybe it’s just because i know how to do that, talk through things. i just never have the time to really tell myself to do it

it’s especially nice to be able to look up from the keyboard and see it addressed to me. like. hey you. me. self. you’re gonna be alright. things’re gonna be fine. nothing in particular is the matter but everything is also the matter and that’s okay because it won’t be the matter forever!!! you just gotta work through it

thanks me. you’re not bad at that. you hear that a lot actually. you don’t mean to project that way when it comes to loch but you do. hopefully when you pick up other characters you can keep your self to yourself.

okay! enough typing!! time to get to work!!! /cutsey flexy emoji

[emerald-amidst-gold]

About me

So, you wish to know about the face behind the muse, do you? Well, I’m not as edgy or ferocious, but I do all right! 

Thank you for the tag @noire-pandora! <3

1: Why did you choose your url?

The url that you see now was actually not my first url. I’m first one was lotus-dreamcatcher something something. (I forget what the numbers were lol). It was just a random thought since one: I love, love, looooove dreamcatchers, and two: I think lotus flowers are such pretty flowers! So, I combined best of both worlds and slapped two or three numbers on the end! XD

The reason I switched it was because I wanted to have a more personal connection with my blog. When I started writing my fic, I was like, ‘Let’s just go the whole nine yards! No one else has it!’ and voila! Will I change it if my hyperfixation vanishes? No. I’m stuck in hell, remember? *smiles*

2: Any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

I have no side blogs because I would be terrible trying to micromanage them. My obsessions tend to ebb and flow, and this blog is the first time I’ve latched onto something for so long. I’ve had fixations with Dragon Age before (I’ve had the game for years, of course), but it always fizzled out and I latched onto something else (Fire Emblem, Skyrim, etc.). So, whatever fandom takes me by the horns, ya’ll have to witness it here! *cackles*

3: How long have you been on tumblr?

Hmm..I think for about...2 years? I made this blog a while back, posted a fic I had written for the first time, and then disappeared. I didn’t come back until just under a year ago when I wrote my first version of Emerald Eyes Amidst Golden Vows. But truthfully, I’m not sure. I know I haven’t been here long, though! XD

4: Do you have a queue tag?

Nope! I just scan the tags I like, home page, and those I follow’s dashboard and reblog/like what I find interesting, funny, or what pertains to what I’m currently fixated on. I might go ham and post a lot, or I just slap one or two things on while I’m on break at work. It’s casual for me. :D

5: Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I was curious, to put it simply. I’ve always been into art/writing, and all the art I used to see elsewhere always looped back to here. I actually spent a lot of my time, once upon a time, on DeviantArt (The days when I had a tablet and had the time to draw~). Once I got into writing, however, I decided this might be a better place to share that. Not to mention, I saw the community for Dragon Age and I was like, ‘I want to be a part of this! I don’t have many people I can talk about Dragon Age with or simp mutually about characters! And they all seem so nice! Let’s try!’ And here I am. It’s paid off. All the waiting, slight dejectedness, and quiet posts have PAID OFF. 

So, if you’re a starting blog and you feel kind of put off, just keep at it. It’ll gain traction. Trust me. :3

6: Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Why not? It’s my BOY in his original, first play through form! (the play through I accidentally deleted, but you know *is still made about that*) 

I chose it mainly because it was my best screenshot of Fane, and I was like, “I am true Dragon Age blog now. :3″, but really, it’s just because it was pretty. I’m a simplistic creature with simplistic tastes. 

7: Why did you choose your header?

Again, it’s my BOY, and well, it was also pretty with the colors and his eyes and everything. I love my dragon son. What else can I say? *shrugs*

8: What’s your post with the most notes?

The post that issued by entrance in Solavellan Hell. 

THIS ONE

It continuously spiraled for WEEKS until it finally went dormant, and I was like, ‘Well, damn. That was a wild ride.’ We all fall prey to the wolf at some point. Even I, who was so sure I adored Cullen. ‘Twas not to be. I like elves. Sorry, Commander. XD

9: How many mutuals do you have?

26! Which is about a quarter of who follows me, actually. Huh!

10: How many followers do you have?

You know, I just checked it the other day and my eyes went wide because I broke a 100 and I was like, ‘Am I really that relatable or likable!? Awwww! *cries*’ I’m currently at 107, but in all honesty, I don’t pay attention to the numbers. Some may be inactive, too, but it’s nice to see people enjoy and relate!

11: How many people do you follow?

85! I don’t like to clog up my dash too much because it’s easy to miss things I’m actually looking forward to seeing (art, fic updates, etc.) I could filter, obviously, but I is lazy. However, if I see a blog I really think is cool and enjoyable and is right up my alley, then of course I’ll follow! :3 I also try to follow back if someone follows me, but I forget to sometimes. I’m a bit scatterbrained if you haven’t noticed from my writing. XD

12: Have you ever made a shitpost?

I think I made like...two? They got a good bit of notes, but mainly because they were relatable more than funny, I think. If you want to know one thing about me it’s that if I adore a specific character, I either RAG on them until the cows come home, or I cry about them hysterically. With Solas, I am both, so I throw swings at him while in the next minute running over and saying I’m sorry. And I vocalize that with random memes. XD

13: How often do you use tumblr each day?

I get on in the morning after I wake up a bit to check around, stay on until I have to go to work at like 2, and I’ll pop on a few times throughout the day during my breaks or lunch, and once more before I call it quits for the day. I have a bad habit of keeping a tab up while I write and hopping back and forth. No wonder my writing flow gets lost in transit. XD 

I also tend to fall asleep with my computer on, soooo yeah. X’D

14: Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

Nope. I’m twenty-five. I left the drama bullshit back in high school when I graduated. I’m here to enjoy things that mean something to me, interact with people who share those interests, and just witness how creative everyone is and learn from them. Will I debate with someone civilly? Of course, I love debating concepts and interpretations of characters as much as I love analyzing those ideas. However, the moment those debates turn into ‘I’m right. You’re wrong.’ arguments, I walk away and ignore. I’ve been a part of internet discourse before when I ran a RP chat, I don’t need that again. Feel free to chat with me, but the minute it becomes a belligerent free for all, either expect a quick block or utter silence. 

15: How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

I try to reblog things from content creators because that’s how they get the exposure they need, and I wholeheartedly support those people because I want people to be able to pursue and live a life where they can do what they enjoy and make ends meet rather than be stuck at a 9-5 job where they’re talents are wasted and miserable because of berating circumstances. 

However, if someone explicitly says, ‘you need to reblog this because of some obscure reason’, I won’t do that. Be humble. That’s all. I understand the need for validation, painfully so, but there’s a line that needs to be drawn on some posts like that.

16: Do you like tag games?

You bet your ass I do! I love how interesting they are and that people are eager to involve me in them! Like this one! :D

17: Do you like ask games?

*looks at all the asks I’ve done for Fane* I adore them. Let me talk about my son until the end of time, even if I repeat things because he’s still GROWING.

18.Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Not romantically, but do I think everyone is worthy of love and hugs and yelling, complimenting words that make your insides all fuzzy and warm? YES. LET ME YELL AT YOU AND HUG YOU. <3

Tagging (if you want to of course!): @little-lightning-lavellan @oxygenforthewicked @aymayzing @dreadfutures @whataboutbugs and anyone else who’d like to! 

[iamprish1-blog]

I have always felt defeated in life, lost not knowing my ‘purpose’ or meaning in life, I think this once abandoned space can prove it all. However, since the past weekend, I think a huge part of me has changed, something I can’t put into words has happened in me. 

It was last Friday 23rd of June 2017, when i came home around 12 or 1pm and I saw she posted on instagram that her dad had passed away, i was shocked and found it hard to believe, just a day before that she was thankful for the miracle her dad almost missed death. but that day I was so sad that i cried loool....i cried because i realised a few things, 1: my crush for her was really foolish it was a meaning that is meaningless because there’s nothing i could do to comfort her or anything.. i do not know her, 2: from the text message she shared on instagram i could tell god has taken away a great man/father and its so so so unfair and she really had such a great blessing to have had a father like that! she always said that her family is estranged but she doesnt know its not at all... maybe they didnt always agree with each other but it was still a very beautiful family  3: there’s nothing i could do...and i really wished that i could exchange my life for her dad’s...because at this point in my life i dont have anything thats precious to me and i dont have anything i look forward to...besides my petty dream of buying 1 or 2 audi with cold hard cash...which got me thinking if it were anyone else would i wanna do this obviously nope i wouldnt...and this thought really scared me that why on earth would i have thoughts like this???? then i remember i think i used to say like i would exchange a few years of my life for love LOLOLOL WTF like seriously i just wanna punch myself in the face/body/anywhere i totally regret saying something like that...and im not sure if i would regret saying this...honestly i wouldnt even exchange my life for my parents’ and thats for sure but zac maybe yeaaa

actually last week i deactivated the fb account which i created just to stalk her, but somehow after the news i reactivated it cause i wanna know if she shares any stories on fb...but who knew that the next day she posted for the funeral service...and till today im still curious why she shares her fb posts for everyone to see...she shouldve at least only share the details to her fb friends cause she wouldnt want to message everyone about it...but maybe i should be grateful for that cause obviously i went for all 3 days ! at first i only i wanted to attend on monday...cause its weird for me to even be there like why on earth should i go!! but of course knowing me i have always been sooo sooo sooo so obsess with her... i just went i mean like i dont even know why i went because i wouldnt do something like this at all what more to attend your crush’s father’s funeral?????!!!!!! its so ridiculous i didnt even go to saint’s open house when i was actually invited twice.....and now i attended to someone’s dad funeral when I have NEVER MET THEM OR KNOW THEM AT ALLL?????????? oh yeaa and i actually unfollowed her on insta but then re-followed her again cause i was so afraid she would make her page private and i wouldnt know anything that fear was seriously real lol

it might sound totally ludicrous but i actually felt like there’s some sort of ‘force’ or what that made me go there...i didnt hesitate much not as much as i thought...i was only worried that she might see me and then that would annoy or anger her....however, maybe at first i gave the excuse that i can finally see her...but then it felt more like i just want to be there...i just wanted to be there i dont even know why...the first night i went i was late to appear right at the parlour, so i missed her eulogy, but i was glad cause i could give myself the excuse to come again...the first moment i saw her i felt a sense of relief i think, nothing like anything too much of emotions, but once i was there i just wanted to be there even more....just awhile after i was standing right outside the corner window i saw just waving at first i thought she was like waving at me or what lol cause she was looking at my direction, i couldnt see well cause the windows were tinted and kinda blurry...but then i thought oh she must be waving at someone from the crowd cause she doesnt even know me lol...and then i left early once people starting to queue to pay respect to her dad, i wanted to stay longer but there’re toooo many people soon the sight of her was buried in the crowd...so i left cause i saw her friend and i panicked a bit...the funny thing must be...when i arrived quite early for malaysian timing i stood in between juncture in front....i made myself looked like i was attending the one on the right and kept my head down sticking my eyeballs to my phone...then like around 830 i was like i gotta do something...so i just tried walking towards the right i wanted to see whats behind....thank god i walked till behind and found their room...there’re so many people standing outside but once i heard someone talking i just couldnt care much and stood right infront of the window...then i saw her with her sisters...and of course all the people outside must be think im so weird cause now they know im here for the same person lol i was quite embarrassed for that....but then the next day while waiting at the airport for boboy to arrive....its sooo long i was thinking sooooo much i wondered hmmm why did she only wave to the person at that time wouldnt she see them earlier already??? haizzzzz i was just tooo confused

the second night i went and i was shocked to see when i arrived that there’re no people standing outside...but this time i didnt take the back road...and when she was presenting her eulogy i stood in front of the door only cause theres where i could hear clearer from the outside, i couldnt hear everything she said tho...just she mentioned about now her definition of sadness is different and she almost almost burst out crying and after that i heard something like ‘you know.... someone to walk us down the aisle’....when she finished i asked the worker to help me give the money cause i didnt want to go inside cause i know i shouldnt even be there...but when i walked towards the window where i was standing the previous night...i think i saw her head turning towards where i was going....she must have felt confused like whats happening and of course i think by then she must be wondering who the hell is this person! and so i gave the money with my nickname zenn....cause i thought it would seriously wayyyyy toooo stupid and moronic if i used a fake name like seriously i just couldnt lol... and then when i was standing there i think she was looking at me cause her head was like at my direction but just didnt know if her eyes were on me or what....and then i did something seriously dumb i thought that for her to not see me i could just hide my face behind all the photos hanging there...but then it only laterrrr i realised that from HER PERSPECTIVE she would still see me cause ughhhh like seriously cant believe im SOOOOOO DUMBBBB!!!! ohh and then at one point when her sister walked behind to take something or what she followed behind too....so means i could have see her standing right in front of me but then i turned around cause like of course i was afraid she would like know which now i realise its all soooooo stupid cause i mean like seriously its sooooo bloody obvious i was looking at her the whole time...but then im not sure if she knew who i am.....when people were like paying respect to them i was standing on the other side of the window means i was standing behind them, and then suddenly i think i saw her friend looking at my direction cause i was like the only weirdo standing outside looking inside! but then actually i still cant be too sure cause i was standing quite a distance and i couldnt see well through the blurry window and then i got panicked more and ran away lolol....but i was glad that there’re a lot of people giving them comfort SO MANY HUGS LOL! sometimes i wish i could hug her lolololollll

on monday it was the funeral service in the morning, and i think the timing was right from the beginning cause papa was already planning not to go to site on monday, so i had no reasons not to go....and again i just felt like i gotta be there...and this time i went inside and sat at the last row which then after that i saw the guy i was sitting next to was actually her friend lol cause he hugged her...and then he was with her other friends....and then i was like damnit! damn i miss one thing....her family went to calvary church...i think i heard that since the first night but didnt bother so much....but then on the second night when a pastor was like giving his short speech....i had my head on the ground cause you know standing for so long is back breaking and tiring plus i have working so hard at the site :( but then suddenly a familiar voice had my head raised up....i looked through the blurry window and thought is that the very very very very fussy pastor????? ok so i just googled yep the pastor should be pastor richard that one i know...but im not sure if the one there was the same....however its on monday pastor steven that really made me think was i really meant to just be there? cause again most of the time my head wasnt looking straight up except when her sister was singing and damn her voice is greattttttt i dont think any chinese can sing sooooo well!!!! even betterrrr than jacklyn victor or something lol! too bad she isnt a singer....but then again too bad im not a film star when im so funny i could be the chinese gianna jun lolol HA HA HA HA HA AHA HA AHA AHAHAHA ok pls prisha! right....the pastor his voice was so so so familiar and comforting like i just heard it yesterday not like literally but like just recently, which is weird cause its been yearss since i last attended to calvary and thats before they moved, plus have i even been there more than 50 times??? lol! idk but now i really want to hear his voice again cause its like reassuring...and im not sure if i could remember voices or its just that pastors’ voice is more anointing to the ears.....and also there’s another pastor who share the story her dad made him a charger thing....its really weird cause i never expected to remember pastors faces cause theyre all like old men right all look almost the same....but then i know i will never hear pastor steven’s voice again cause i will not go to such a huge convention center it just doesnt feel like a church thats so commercialised....tho dumc hall kinda big too...but then i now realise i really prefer their voices more than the pastors in dumc lolol i think im weirder than the person who married eiffel tower lel

anyways when i was sitting down i turned behind and saw some of the pictures there, i knew i could easily walked up and take a closer look at all the pictures, but i didnt cause i know i didnt have the rights or deserve to do that, just like how i wish i could have the chance to see her dad but i couldnt, there’s no reason for me to. i wonder if anyone believes that true love can actually transcends space...no doubt i could feel the unconditional love he had in him...i mean i didnt need to listen to all the testimony to know like seriously his face showed it all ! ! ! one thing for sure i definitely felt inspire that i would like to dedicate all my faithful love to someone...i dont know who it will be or what will actually happen in my future....but i know i will wait patiently for the person to show up....it makes me wonder if she actually has TOOOO much love in her that she sorta a player tho HA HA AHAA....ok jokes i shouldnt tease people when their loved one just passed away....but i know even if i have way tooo much in me i would still only give it to one person, there will always be room for only one in my heart....maybe its also why now i just feel like shutting myself out from the world....i dont even feel like talking to shalinn i mean i wanted to at least remain some kind of acquaintance and go to their final studio presentation....but now i really cant....i dont know how to process what im feeling is too weird i need time to forget this i need time for my prayers to come true then only can i open my heart.....meanwhile i will do whatever i was planning to do slowly and hopefully the day i stopped stalking her will come soon.....truth is im kinda frustrated too...i dont get why is it that i felt like there’s some sort of i dont ‘spirit’ or whatever shit pushing me to go there....but god doesnt even bother to tell me WHAT I SHOULD DO NEXT WITH MY LIFE!! i just want the feeling whereby it just flow and its smooth and everything feels right....because i didnt have anxiety at all when i was there, just nervous cause first time going to a place where no stranger would ever go is seriously something lel! and maybe a bit of panic and trying to run away trying to hide which all didnt work didnt make sense lolol...like when after her dad casket were inside to be cremated...her friends were like walking out and coming towards my way, i panicked that i was like damnit now i gotta go for real...but then i was so nervous i missed the entrance just on my left then walked a round and then got shocked confused why the hell i came back to the same place....and seriously at that moment i thought i was gonna faint cause the weather was bloody scorching hot and i had a cap on and i didnt eat breakfast and i was confused like where the hell is the exit??????? but then i ha d the chance to stay longer like to look at her lololol like seriously damn stupid...till the end i finally leave when more people were leaving

. . . . . . . .. . . . .. .. .  .. . . .. . . 

[haruine]

THE WINGS TOUR JAKARTA EXPERIENCE // 29.04.2017

It’s already one month. I know. Better to tell you later rather than not to lol. OKAY SO I GOT THE CHANCE TO SEE BANGTAN SONYEONDAN A.K.A BANGTAN BOYS WITH MY OWN EYES LIKE OMG. I asked my parents if I could watch them as my birthday gift this year, and they freaking said yes. The ticket war, the hype, the I-can’t-focus-on-my-school vibes weeks (and days) before the concert... And I got scammed too bcs I bought Army bomb. Everything was very memorable. Now I’ll start with my departure day to Jakarta.

CGK Arrival

So me and my mom went to Jakarta at 4.25 pm. I was absent on school that day lmao, I spent my half day to search for an Army bomb and keep informed for any news from my friends. And we arrived at CGK airport around... 6 pm I guess. I didn’t check the time that time haha. I saw so many ARMYs were waiting for Bangtan to came in front of terminal 2D and they’re chanting the boys’ names so freaking loud (cmiiw guys bcs I forgot which terminal was it). But actually, later on that night, Bangtan was arrived and got out at terminal 3. I felt bad for them who’ve waited :(

My hotel where I was stayed at was full of ARMYs that night. I saw so many girls around my age and I already knew that “oh they must be ARMYs”. I slept around 11 pm, even before I slept I can’t control my excitement, it felt like my heart was dropped to my stomach and going to explode. I set my alarm at 5 am, to prepare and did the final check.

THE D-DAY HECK YEAHHHHHH

I literally woke up at 4 am, and I don’t even know why I did... dammit. Some of my friends on Red B zone group were already awoke, and I was very shocked to see that some of ARMYs were already queued at ICE. I felt nauseous(?), nervous and excited just to think in a few hours I’ll saw them live. I took a shower at 5.15, after that I did my hair and etc.

I was arrived at ICE around 8, and there were A WHOLE LOT OF ARMYS already there. I was so damn confused where to queue at first & finally I queued in front of 6th hall. Oh before I queued I met my new friend who asked for some batteries for her Army bomb (fyi, i brought 8 batteries w/ me hahaha). I got freebies bcs my mom bought a watter bottle and a Jimin hand-fan for me (my mom is my hero, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MOM). And when I called her to looked for an Army bomb or penstick seller, she literally found one and I was so freaking glad (and surprised) my mom bought the original Army bomb what the--

I MET 2 NEW FRIENDS AND THEY WERE SO KIND OML. The first one I met was a very cheerful person and she was half western and Indonesian, we chatted for a while and fangirled (ofc duh) together HAHAHA. Aaaand the second one was very kind because both our friends watched the concert at Purple section and we’re both Red section. We parted bcs her benefit was soundcheck and me: fast track.  BUT I REGRET FOR NOT ASKING HER NAME :( hey gurls if u saw this post pls dm me and let’s be friends alright

It was so hot and I admit I don’t like crowded places bcs it makes me felt dizzy but I tried to endured it all just for Bangtan only. I bought lunch for 50k rupiahs (its so damn expensive for a student like me but im hungry, sooo ok) and water for 10k. I ate everything in a rush and ran for my life bcs I thought my benefit number was already called out. When I got in the hall, I chose to stood in front of the extended stage. OH I WAS SCARED TOO THAT TiME WHEN MY ARMY BOMB DIDN’T TURNED ON BUT A PERSON HELPED ME AND I CAN TURNED IT ON PHEWWWW I WAS WRONG TO PUT THE BATTERIES INSIDE LOL IM SO STUPID

Spring Day MV was on and I teared up for real. I was excited and happy 'cause my night that was spent on waiting for the day I meet them came to an end.

Not Today made my jaw dropped, they’re gorgeous af in real life oh dear Lord

THEIR INTRO TALK WERE SO ADORABLE SHIT

Am I Wrong makes me go asdfdkslgeuhreaf

BAEPSAE! my life goal had been reached to saw it live :”)

Dope!!! I WAS SHOUTING JJEOREO ALL THE TIME

Begin: JEON JUNGKOOK MY FIRST EVER BIAS IN BANGTAN O MY SHIET oh and I sang too

LIE: EARGASM EARGASM EARGASMMMMM++++++

First Love: i shouted “i feEL SO NICE MOM I FEEL SO NICE WHOO” for real

Lost: vocal line in red makes me go “awww”

SAVE ME! I sang along and lifted the banner for the fan project while singin and swinging my Army bomb back and forth (but sadly after the concert I threw out the banner :( ) AND NAMJOON PUTS HIS THUMBS UP WHILE SMILING BCS WE SHOUTED “THANK YOU URIGA DWAEJEOSSEO”

I NEED U! It was the 2nd year anniversary of HYYH pt. 1 that day and when I think about it it made me so emo

Reflection: WE SHOUTED “WE LOVE YOU” TO NAMJOON, HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW LOVELY HE IS TO US, BABE U R AMAZING OKAY

Stigma: TAEHYUNG’S HIGH NOTE KILLED ME

MAMA!!!!!!! I personally love this song very much and saw Hoseok performed this made me really happy and I legit thinking about my mom while singing along

AWAKE: I sang my heart out and kept telling myself not to cry

CYPHER 4 WAS SO FRIGGIN’ LIT I SANG THE LYRICS ON TOP OF MY LUNGS HELL YEAH

FIRE!!! SSAK DA BULTAEORA BOW WOW WOW

N.O was my jam ok, I love that song so much

NO MORE DREAM: I SHOUTED EVERY LYRICS

Boy in Luv: why are you keep shaking my hearteu?!?!

Danger: they got dispersed and I shouted their names whenever they walked to the right extended stage bcs I was near

RUN!!! HOLY SHIT HOSEOK HE MAKES MY HAIR DRENCHED BCS HE SPLASHED WATER I WAS SO HAPPY AND HYPE SO I JUMPED AND THE VIDEO THAT I WAS RECORDING CAME OUT A MESS AND SHOOK A LOT HAHAHAHA

War of Hormone: this song was me and my friend’s jam:”))))

21st Century Girls: ISHIPSEGI SONYEODEULA LIVE UR LIFE LIVE UR LIFE COME ON BABYYYYYY

NAMJOON SAID “INILAH LAGU TERAKHIR” WHICH MEANS THIS IS OUR LAST SONG AWWW

BOY MEETS EVIL OMG HOSEOK WHY :”)))))))

BLOOD, SWEAT, AND TEARS! I screamed wonhae manhi manhi hahahaha

enCOREEEE, THE VCR MAKES ME WANNA CRY THE WORDS REALLY TOUCHED MY HEART

OUTRO: WINGS!!!! ON THE STAGE WAS SHOWN “FLY HIGH WITH INDONESIAN ARMY“ AND I SMILED EAR TO EAR, THEIR HILARIOUS DANCE BREAKS MADE EVERY ARMY LAUGHED AND SCREAMED

Their last ment :( HOSEOK SAID “KALIAN ADALAH SAYAP KAMI, BERKAT KALIAN KAMI BISA TERBANG” (= you guys are our wings, and because of you we are able to fly) AND I SAID AWWWWW

JIN’S HAND KISS OMFG I CATCHED HIS FLYING KISS WITH NO SHAME LMAO

2!3! : we had a project for this song, we shout “SARANGHAE” instead of gwenchana, and it made TaeTae surprised and smiled so big.

Spring Day: i was getting more sad bcs it was their last song to perform :( and I sang along too

when they bowed together, ARMYs was singing “whoa oh oh” part from Spring Day, I felt like crying goshhh

their behind the scene video was sO CUTE

I was touched for the nth time when on the screen was showed “SPECIAL THANKS TO OUR WINGS,  A.R.M.Y.”

Sooooo that was my experience. The next day I felt like crying bcs I can’t help but to think about the concert. MY PCD WAS VERY SEVERE DUDE. At the plane towards my hometown, I cried. When I was on my way to airport, I cried too. Until now I never dare to listen to Spring Day, bcs it will make me cry for sure. Earlier today I heard it on TV and I cried, again. HAHAHA I’M SO SENSITIVE WHYYYY.

If you guys get the chance to see them, and you’ve been wanting to see them, please focus on your goal right in front of your eyes. Even though you struggled so hard, I believe it will be worth it. They’re very exciting to watch and it was very worth the wait for me. Two days ago all of sudden my friend wanted to bought my Army bomb, but I said I didn’t want to sell it bcs it holds so many memories and everything related to the concert. I guess my PCD hasn’t cured yet lol.

Well, I’ll see you on my next post!