#you just happened to hit me up right as izzy stevens was going into her first surgery for her cancer treatments on grey's

[aceofbooks]

12 and 28 for the soft asks please!!!! 😊🤍

Hi Roxy! This set is really cute! I'll be in your inbox as soon as I post this!

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12. What calms you down?

It used to be petting my old lady, Ashley. But she passed away in March. I've been working on training Vonnie, but she's not much of a cuddler right now 😂 I also like to take care of my nails—whether that be filing them, removing old polish, repainting them, whatever. I'm also big on baths—I almost always take one after we see Husband's family because they're just too much. Hot drinks too!

In like a panic/anxiety attack situation, I usually turn to counting my breaths, up to ten and then repeat. But sometimes, especially if I'm already crying, I just have to ride the wave until there's nothing left.

28. What are you proudest of?

I'll be honest, there's plenty that I probably should be proud of, but I have problems recognizing it as something to be proud of. The only reason I know that I should be proud of them is because my OMT tells me she's proud of me every time I have an appointment with her.

That being said, something I can identify and be proud of is the progress I've made with how I interact with people my friends on Tumblr. You ask anyone that I was in the notes of this time last year, and I was basically a ghost. A very supportive ghost, but a ghost all the same.

I resolved in January to make more/better use of my Tumblr, to change patterns, make more friends online. And I think I've done that. And it's made my life so much better. I've been dealing with a lot healthwise this year, but I'm able to come on here and feel like I'm a part of something, something bigger than myself.

And I think that's something I can be proud of.

-- -- --

Thank you for stopping by! 🩶

Soft asks

More Ask Games!

[purifycantyouhelpme]

Before He Cheats | Chapter 6 | Duff Mckagan x Reader

Word count: 1998 A03 Link<3 A/N: NSFW warning, Just a small heads up, uhh, this chapter is all over the place so sorry if it's too fast. Rushed or too confusing. I promise that the next chapter will be less chaotic and for the car scene, the car is parked dw. Slash’s P.O.V 12:00 PM Noon, it was morning, I was putting on my clothes and was having applesauce before I could hang out with Claire as usual. I lied to (Y/N) by saying that my boss gave me a day off of work today. What an idiot, can’t believe she would fall for it. She’s at work right now so this is the perfect time or day to hang out with Claire. Checking my phone for a text from Claire, I saw a lot of texts from Axl, Steven, and Izzy. No Duff, that’s weird. I have been ignoring these messages for the past couple of months because I don’t care about them anymore. But I decided to read a text from Axl just because. Axl texted me that he might have seen (Y/N) and Duff kissing when we went to the bar a couple of months ago. Now my entire day was ruined, just by that one text. I will confront her about this when she comes back from work.

Duff’s House, 1:00 PM, Duff’s P.O.V Sitting on the couch while Skylar is playing with my bass is relaxing. I’m having a great time, she still has a lot to learn and I still have a lot to teach her. Hanging out with Skylar all of the time made me forget about (Y/N), it was a great decision. But, it did make us distant. I got up from the couch to get a bag of Doritos. Hearing the bass stop playing in the background, confused me a little. I was wondering what was going to happen. “Duff, I have something to tell you,” Skylar said. Judging by the tone of her voice, this must be serious. I quickly went back to the living room to sit on the couch, looking at Skylar. She looked pretty aggravated, impatient even. “What is it, Skylar?” I said with concern. She breathes in and out. I think I know what she’s going to say, let’s not jump to conclusions. “I love you… idiot.” Skylar said as she slowly reached for my hand and held it, squeezing it tight. My eyes widened in shock when I heard what she, blushed slightly when she held my hand. Her hand feels rough, of course. “I had a crush on you for years when we worked at that job together.” She stared into my eyes with a slight smile on her face, her face blushing like crazy. I could feel the weight of guilt settling in, I don’t mean to hurt her feelings but it is what it is. I sighed and told her, “I’m sorry Skylar but… I don’t love you.” She crossed her arms, turning away from me. It's clear that she is upset. “You’re s-still in love with (Y/N), aren’t you?” She asked with a hit of anger in her voice. I flinched a little when she asked me that question. So I looked away from her, didn’t bother to answer that question to her, just sat in silence for a bit. “It was dumb to confess to you, I’m sorry.” She apologized as she got up from the couch. “Well… I gotta go. See you later.” She put her hands in her pocket and walked out of my house. Man, the guilt is still here.

3:00 PM, at the carnival, Duff’s P.O.V I went to the carnival because I needed to clear my head after what happened with Skylar earlier and sitting in my house all day or taking a nap is not gonna do it for me. A lot of people were there, winning prizes, eating food, and couples holding hands. Man, this is where we all used to hang out. Good times. Walking near the Ferris wheel, I saw (Y/N) getting food from the food truck. Why is she here? I haven’t seen her in a long time since I started hanging out with Skylar. She looked so beautiful as always wearing her yellow jacket and black skirt outfit. I walked up to her and put my hand on her shoulder. “(Y/N)?” I said. She turned around and looked at me, shocked. “H-Hey Duff.” She smiled at me and chuckled nervously. “What are you doing here?” I asked her. Now I think about it, that was a dumb question to ask her. “Slash is at work right now so I thought I would just go to the carnival by myself, instead of just sitting around.” She explained. So me and (Y/N) are here for the same reason, what a coincidence. There was an awkward silence between us because it had been so long since we last spoke to each other except for some text messages. “How about we spend some time together here? Just us,” I suggested, moving closer to her. At first, she was uncertain, taking a step back from me which hurt a little inside. “Sure,” She replied, “But let me get my food first.” She continued. “O-Of course,” I responded with a nervous chuckle.

3:30 In Slash’s car, Claire’s P.O.V Being in Slash’s car was always comforting and relaxing, especially with him. But now, something was off. Slash told me that (Y/N) kissed Duff and it ruined his whole day. Why would she do that? (Y/N) wouldn’t be the type to kiss Duff, hmm. Never trusted her anyway. I thought Slash would get over it by now since he doesn’t love her anymore. I slowly put his hand on his, rubbing his hand softly. He seemed to like it. “Slash, are you still mad or?” I asked. “No, I’m not.” He lied while blushing slightly and looking out of the window. I know he’s lying, he just doesn’t want to make me mad. “Well Slash, since we’re alone in your car…” I said in a low, seductive voice, looking at him. He turned his head a little at me. I got up from my seat and sat on Slash’s lap, adjusting myself. "Slash, I want you to fuck me," I whispered in his ear seductively while slowly unzipping his pants. I started to grind against his dick, he was slowly getting hard. Glad I was wearing a skirt today. “G-God.” Slash moaned softly. He slowly lowered his underwear and pants, freeing his dick to the cold air. I took off my underwear, throwing it on the floor of the car. I bit my lip, feeling the head of his cock pressing against my pussy. My back began to arch as he started to thrust into me roughly while he held onto my waist. It hurts a little but it feels so good. "Not so rough." I moaned, my eyes closed as held onto him tightly."I'm sorry. It's been a while since I last had sex." Slash apologized but he didn’t slow down his thrusts. My moans were louder and louder due to his rough thrusting. Rolling my eyes back, I can feel myself losing in pleasure and so it is Slash. His grunts are getting louder and louder with each thrust. I know he’s close. "I'm cumming!” Slash yelled. My eyes widen as he filled me up with his cum. So hot and sticky. I’m not letting go of him just yet, let me cherish this moment with him. “God… I-I love… you.” Slash said between breaths. I kissed him and he kissed me back.

3:40 PM, Back at the carnival, (Y/N)’s P.O.V. I am having an amazing time, hanging out with Duff at the Carnival. We on some rides, and we won a lot of stuff like candy, mp3 players, coffee mugs, etc. This was the best day of my life so far. He was having a great time too. I can tell how much he smiled and giggled through the whole thing. This whole hangout thing feels like a date to me, might as well be. “Duff…” I said softly. Small tears were forming on my face, I could cry tears of joy. “Today was a great day– I haven’t– Thank you.” Struggling with my words. I walked up to him and hugged him. I can’t express how much I appreciate this. “You’re welcome.” He hugged me back. Wiping my tears, I slowly realized something. I started to cry because no one had been giving me affection for a long time. “We really should start talking to each other again.” Duff reached out to hold my hand. My eyes widened a little when he held my hand and I blushed like crazy. “We should,” I said nervously, looking away. His hand feels pretty rough. It feels so nice. So nice… “You know, I miss talking to you,” Duff said as he stepped closer to me. “I-I do too…” I replied, still looking away from him. Just calm down, (Y/N). He’s not going to hurt you. “Uhh… it’s time for me to go back home now.” I’m not going to let go of his hand. I was leading him to my car. “Put the stuff in my car,” I told him. “I don’t want you to carry all of that.”

4:00 PM, At home I walked into my house, setting the stuff I got from the carnival on the dining room table with a smile on my face. Duff did make everything better, mmm… I was pretty exhausted, I just wanted to lie down for a bit. The main reason was that my feet were hurting like hell. Before I sat down, I went to my room to see what Slash was doing. He was lying on the bed, watching TV, shirtless. But he looked exhausted as well. His hair was a mess and he looked like he ran a marathon. “H-Hey babe.” I waved at him. He admittedly got up from the bed and walked towards me with anger. Oh shit. "Babe, where did you go?" Slash asked me in a serious tone. Should have expected this to happen. Just lied to him, he’ll believe it. "N-Nowhere. I didn't go anywhere." Touching my hair nervously as I lied to him. There was a small silence between us filled with my awkward laughter. "You're lying. You went somewhere." He leaned to me with a dead look in his eyes. I step back a little, getting a bit scared due to how serious he sounded. "I was hanging out with Duff," I admitted to him as I looked away from him in shame. "I knew it. You're always hanging out with Duff. You shouldn't be hanging out with him.” His voice began to escalate toward me. I turned to face him, locking eyes with simmering fury, my breaths measured but calm. The urge to inflict upon him the pain he had caused me surged within me. "Why are you mad at me?” Slash questioned. I should be the one asking him that question. "All I did was lay in my bed all day. You're just being paranoid." Slash pointed at me, blaming me. My fists were clenched and shaking. If he lies one more time, I’m going to lose it but I’m not. I had never been this angry before. Why would he treat me like this? I snatched one of the blankets and pillows from our bed, murmuring, "I'm sleeping on the couch for now," I fought back tears, not wanting to break down in front of him. I was trying to not cry in front of him. I walked out of the room and I went to the living room. Settling onto the couch, I wrapped the blanket around me, laying my head on the pillow. I just wanted to cry and forget about everything. I'm tired of dealing with Slash lying to me and cheating on me. I don't want to be with Slash anymore, I want to be with Duff, I love Duff…

[gnrbitch]

Summer Break Pt.4- Get Away

Summary: The start of some bullshit

Warnings: Smoking, profanity, drug usage

————

Day 4, 1986

“who the fuck-” Y/n groaned to herself as she sat up from her bed.

Walking towards the noise bursting through the house, Y/n saw the boys layed out throughout parts to the house. Izzy and Axl on the couch, Steven on the floor, Slash no where to be seen & Duff and Mandy were probably in their room.

“Of course i have to get up” The girl said as she heard the harsh knockings getting harsher, hearing a mumbled voice calling out.

“What” Y/n said as she flung open the door, Y/n was the crankiest person alive when she was forced to wake up, so this better be fast.

“You. You fucken bitch” A random girl said pointing at Y/n.

“Who the fuck are you” Y/n said furrowing her eyebrows angrily.

“Wouldn’t you like to know” The brunette said getting up in Y/n’s face.

“Yes i would like to fucken know” Y/n said in a annoyed tone.

“Listen here bitc-” The girl said pointing at Y/n

“No you listen, who the fuck are you and what the fuck are you doing here” Y/n said, trying to stop herself from throwing a punch.

“Don’t talk to me like that you fucken whore” The door girl said, charging towards Y/n

“what the-” Y/n said, quickly reacting and throwing a punch right at the girls nose.

The unknown girl grabbed Y/n by the hair, pulling it.

What a fucken mistake.

Two things Y/n hates:

1. People waking her up

2. People pulling her hair.

Feeling a sense of rage flow through her body, Y/n started hitting the girl with as much force her body can muster.

“You fucken bitch” Y/n said, raising her voice as she threw the brunette on the floor, her body looming over hers as she threw more punches.

“HEY WHAT THE FUCK!” Duff said, pacing towards the two girls fighting.

“what the fuck” Axl grunted out as he rubbed his eyes, watching the wwe scene unfold in front of his eyes.

“Fuck” Axl said, eyes widening when he realized who the girl fighting Y/n was.

Duff grabbed Y/n by her armpits and yanked her off of the girl, eyes rolling when he also realized who it was.

“What the fuck Erin?”

The girl, now named Erin looked towards Axl

“What do you mean Axl?” She yelled, still on the floor

“We break up and you fuck another bitch? really? and on top of that you hide her at fucken Duffs house!” She exclaimed, getting up.

“I’m not fucking him dumbass.” Y/n rolled her eyes, still being held by Duff

“I wasn’t talking to you!” Erin said, stomping her foot on the ground.

“I don’t care who you were talking to, i’m just letting you know i’m not fucking your boyfriend” Y/n said, rolling her eyes

Erin tried going towards the girl, only for Mandy to grab her arm.

“Why are you coming at me? Do you want a round two or what?” Y/n asked, trying to get out of Duffs grip.

“You didn’t even get me!” Erin yelled.

“Yea? So what’s up with the knox’s on your head?” Y/n laughed at the girl.

With that, everyone looked at Erin’s forehead, making a face when they saw the two bumps on the girls face.

“She got you good” Izzy said, now awake and quite amused at this situation.

“Let’s go Erin” Axl said getting up and grabbing the girl by the arm, slamming the door shut once they both walked out.

“Dude what the fuck” Y/n said, yanking herself out of Duffs grip, shaking her right hand.

“Y/n you shouldn’t be fighting people” Duff said rubbing his hands on his face

“What? she came at me” Y/n said furrowing her eyebrows.

“Look” Duff sighed “Just keep your composure next time”

“And what let her beat my ass?” Y/n said, now crossing her arms.

“Just calm down alright?” Duff said

Y/n rolled her eyes, “Whatever”

“What happened?” Slash said, rubbing his eyes

“Axls girlfriend just fought Y/n” Izzy said, turning his head to look at Slash.

“Yea and now Duffs getting mad at me” Y/n said crossing her arms looking up at her older brother.

“I’m not mad at you Y/n” Duff said, eyes softening at his sister, wondering what the hell she had to go through to be such a good fighter.

“You’re telling me i missed Y/n’s fight?” Slash said, voiced laced with disappointment.

“Yes” Izzy responded to the curly headed boy.

“Fucken lame” Slash said walking back into the bathroom, which is probably where he slept last night.

Y/n walked back into her room and looked up to the broken clock on the wall, reading the time 1:20pm.

“How the fuck is it already one” She mumbled to herself.

Looking at her bed, she saw her tape player pushed to the side of it, a smile graced her face, remembering she had made plans with John.

She picked up her duffel bag and looked for something to wear, changing into a pair of baggy jeans and a white, fitted tank. She also grabbed the tape with ‘Melvins Again’ written on it, and her lighter, and some money.

Feeling like she had too much shit to carry, she reached towards the very bottom of her bag and pulled out a smaller one shoulder bag (see here) and put everything in it.

Walking out of the room, she passed through the small living room, sighing when she heard Duff speak.

“Where are you going?” He asked with one hand on his hip, and she almost laughed with how much he resembled their dad, especially now.

“Just going out” She shrugged, giving him the same answer she would her parents.

“Just going out?” He said, raising his eyebrow. Y/n pursed her lips, “Yep. Right next door”

“And who’s next door?” Duff responded, crossing his arms.

“The person I met yesterday” She said, wanting him to just let her go.

“Hm” “And what’s this persons name?”

Now Y/n was the one crossing her arms, “Fru”

“Fru?”

“Yes”

“And is this Fru from the male species?”

“Awwwww Y/n has a boyfriend Y/n has a boyfriend” Steven sang, getting a death glare from both the McKagans.

Y/n rolled her eyes, “He’s not my boyfriend, I just met him”

“Aha! So Fru is a He” Duff said.

“Yea Duff, he is, is there a problem with that?”

“There is a problem actually, i don’t want you to go see him”

“What? He’s just a friend Duff” Y/n said, now getting upset.

“You can’t just have a male friend Y/n, this is LA” Izzy said, smoking a cigarette.

“Exactly” Duff said, nodding his head.

“God what the fuck” Y/n said, disappointment lacing her voice “It’s not like that, im just showing him some music from Seattle”

“Y/n, you haven’t even shown me the music from back home” Duff sighed, feeling a pang in his chest.

“I haven’t got the chance” Y/n shrugged “I’ll show you another day, but I already made plans with Fru so…” She said, walking towards the door.

“Whatever Y/n” Duff sighed

“Whatever Duff” The girl said as she left her brothers apartment.

“Dude harsh” Slash said, standing behind Duff.

“I feel like her coming here was a fucken mistake” Duff said running his hand over his hair.

“Relax Duff, it’s only been her fourth day here” Izzy said.

“Exactly, and i’m the one she’s least spent time with. I mean jesus she’s already going out with this Fru kid doing god knows what” Duff said, stressing out.

“You sound like a dad” Izzy said, blowing out smoke “Just trust her alright? She seems like a good kid”

“You say that right after she got into a fight”

Izzy laughed “You’re right, it wasn’t her fault though, put some trust in her Duff”

“Okay” Duff sighed “You’re right. Y/n’s a smart girl.”

“Man i can’t believe i missed the fight” Slash sighed sadly.

“It was a really good fight Slash, she could really throw a punch” Steven said

Slash shook his head “Don’t make me feel worse Stevie”

*

John jumped up from his couch when he heard his door knock, heart fluttering since he knew it was Y/n. Embarrassingly, he had been sitting on the couch since the moment he woke up, doing absolutely nothing while he waited for Y/n to come over.

“Hey” He smiled, out of breath.

“Hey Fru” Y/n said returning a smile, looking at the flushed boy standing in front of her. “You’re not gonna believe the fucken morning I had” She said rolling her eyes, entering his apartment.

“Should we smoke first” John laughed, looking at Y/n’s back.

“Absolutely” she turned around, smiling at him.

They both walked to Johns room, Y/n leading the way as if this was her place, and John smiling like an idiot behind her.

Y/n silently watched John as he pulled out his box and started to crush up the buds.

“Have you aten?” John asked, looking up at her.

“No, not yet. We should go get something to eat” She said, shuffling on the bean bag she was sitting on.

“Where do you wanna go?” John said, now rolling up a joint.

“Like if i know any place here” She lightly laughed, looking at him.

He laughed, “Right” “What do you feel like eating?”

“Not sure. Donut?” She furrowed her eyebrows, now craving something sweet.

John nodded his head, “Okay, I know a place we could go”

Y/n just smiled as she saw him light up the joint.

“Did you bring the tape?” John said passing it to Y/n

Taking a hit, she responded “Yea, where’s your tape player?”

“Right- hold on” he grunted as his arm reached under his bed “Right here” he smiled.

“Okay take thiss” Y/n said handing the j back to him, grabbing the tape player from his hands “And i take this”

“Am I gonna like this?” He asked as he watched Y/n put in the tape

“I saw you have some germ vinyls, so I think you’ll like it.” She said as she pressed play.

“And if you don’t-” She said, inhaling the smoke, “Don’t say anything. It’ll hurt my feelings” She smiled at him, watching his face concentrate on the music.

*

“I like them, honestly, they were really good” John said with his mouth full.

They had finished smoking and listening to the tape (which sadly only had four songs in it), and traveled to the place John said he knew (they had to take a bus), and were now sitting here talking and laughing like idiots.

“Did you really?” Y/n said looking at him, searching for a hint of dishonesty.

“I did, really, i was actually gonna ask you if i could keep the tape.” He said, looking slyly at her.

“Of course you can! I have the real thing back home” She said, thinking about her friends back home.

“What’s that genre called anyways? it’s not metal right?” he asked her

“Nah it’s not metal” she said, chewing her donut “They call it grunge”

“Grunge?” he asked

Y/n took a sip out of her milk carton and just nodded her head.

“I still can’t get over the fact you payed” John suddenly said, rolling his eyes.

“We’ll get over it Fru, you let me smoke your weed, this is how I repay you.” She smiled at him

“Yea yea yea” “Hey you mentioned something about your morning” He said, suddenly remembering what she told him earlier in the day.

“Holy shit, I completelyyyy forgot to tell you what happened”

“So what happened?”

“Okay, so tell me why” Y/n started, rolling her eyes when she remembered everything that happened today in the morning.

She made sure to not leave a single detail out of the story as she told John, who had a shocked expression on his face the whole time.

“So she just came at you? Just like that?” He said

“Yes! and Duff had the audacity to tell me to control myself” she said, crossing her arms to her chest and laying back on the small booth she was sitting in.

“That’s some bullshit, you had to defend yourself” he said “I was wondering why were knuckles were purple, i thought i was just high if i’m being honest” he laughed, watching her laugh right with him.

“Dumbass” She said, rolling her eyes. “Also, I left my cigarettes at your place, do you have them?” she asked.

“I actually do me lady” he said, “Left them on my nightstand, we could just go back and get them”

“Cool, we could go back later though” She smiled at him.

*

Y/n and John spent their whole afternoon together, laughing and walking around the streets of LA, arms clutched together.

“I had a lot of fun today Fru” Y/n said as they stood on the staircase of his apartment complex.

“Yea, I did too” He smiled down at her, looking into her tired eyes.

“Sucks i have to go” She sighed, squinting as the setting sun got into her eyes.

“It’s okay, we could hang tomorrow? There’s actually a band I wanted to show you and their performing tomorrow night” He asked nervously.

Y/n smiled, “Fuck yea I wanna go”

“Okay cool, come over at 8pm” he smiled at her.

“Will do sir Fru, I’ll see you tomorrow alright?” she said, walking down the steps.

John laughed, “Okay then, see you later alligator”

“That’s never gonna work Fru!” Y/n called out as she walked towards the complex next door.

John just stood there with a smile on his face, watching Y/n disappear through the front door.

Y/n walked through the door of Duffs apartment, weirded out to see that no one was home.

“Where the fuck is everyone” she mumbled to herself, Mandy was usually home at this time, but even she wasn’t here.

The young girl just rolled her eyes and went to her shared room, being taken aback by what she saw laying on the floor.

Slash, passed out, with a needle in his arm.

“Shit Slash” she said as she rushed to the curly headed man, quickly but carefully taking out the needle in his arm.

She then lightly slapped his face a few times and repeatedly said “Slash wake up”. And he wasn’t waking up.

But this not being her first rodeo, with so much heroin use in Seattle, she knew exactly what to do.

She grabbed Slash by the legs, and dragged him to the bathroom, which was very difficult considering Y/n was not the most athletic person.

Y/n managed to get him in the small bathtub, and turned on the cold water. Grabbing the shower head, she sprayed some water in his face, making sure not to drown him though.

But he still wasn’t waking up. “Slash” she said, now raising her voice. The poor girl was now starting to get scared, putting her finger under his nose she made sure he was still even breathing.

Slapping him with a bit more force now, she continued to call out his name.

Spaying him with more water, she threw the shower head down. “Shit Slash wake up” She said, now using both arms to shake him.

After giving him one more hit, he slowly opened his eyes.

And Y/n let out the biggest sigh of relief.

As she turned the water off, Slash slowly came to the realization of what just occurred.

“Shit Y/n” He said, voice hoarse.

“Slash” She let out a laugh “Scared me there” she said sitting back down on her knees, looking at the soaked, curly headed man in front of her.

“Sorry” he said, letting out a cough.

“Don’t worry” she smiled “Lets just get you out of this fucken bathroom”

Y/n helped Slash get up, much to his dismay, but let him dry up and get dressed alone in their room.

The realization of what had happened hit Y/n while she sat alone, now feeling completely uneasy, was it really the same everywhere? Was she ever gonna get away from fucken heroin? She thought to herself

Slash came out with nothing but a pair of boxers and a shirt on, sitting on the couch, right next to Y/n, taking her out of her trance.

“Sorry about what happened” Slash quietly said, feeling sense of guilt course through his body.

“Don’t trip about it Slash” Y/n shrugged

“And don’t worry, I won’t tell Duff” She smiled.

————

Yass chapter four😍😍🤞🤞, could you guys believe Slash’s audacity😒 Oding infront of the hmg Y/n!!!

Anyways hope you guys enjoyed 😣. Im honestly not sure how i feel about this chapter

[nikossfwfics]

Special Interest [duzzy]

My friend and I came up with a head cannon that Duff is autistic so i used that in my story. please do not hate, if i messed up while writing him please dm me and don't be mean about it. i hope you enjoy this story <3 

************

Duff sat on his laptop, crisscrossed on the couch swaying left to right, as he usually did when he was exited. Izzy came up behind him and laid a strong grip on his shoulder, “Whatcha got there?” Izzy asked genuinely intrigued at what had Duff so worked up.

Duff turned around, smiled from ear to ear, and started flapping his hands. “They're opening a new aquarium in LA!” he almost shouted, not knowing how to control his volume. 

“Wow! That’s great, my love,” Izzy spoke in a calm but happy tone, mentally noting to save up for it, “now what do you want for dinner?”

Duff shrugged “dunn0, what do you want?” he looked up at Izzy to see a reply. “I don't know either,” 

Duff thought hard for a moment “How about Chinese?” Izzy smiled and ruffled Duff’s already messy hair, “I’ll get right on it.”

It was only them, Axl, slash, Steven, and their fish in this tiny apartment and sometimes they were barely making ends meet with the mediocre jobs they had. Duff worked a from-home desk job, while Izzy helped at a bakery downstairs. That's when the lightbulb hit him; he was getting a raise on Thursday and then he could take Duff to the aquarium on Friday night. A small smile spread across Izzy's face just thinking of duffs wide and delighted eyes. 

Friday rolled around in no time and when Izzy got home he realized Duff was on the same website he was on only days before. Izzy slid his work shoes off and sat down on the couch next to his lover. 

He peered over at Duff’s screen, “do you wanna go?” he asked lightheartedly.

Duff nodded vigorously, his blonde hair turning into a blur of motion, “duh!” Then Izzy reached into his coat pocket and pulled out two tickets to the aquarium. Duff stared at Izzy at a loss for words, all he could do was pull him into a tight embrace. Izzy hugged him back, smiling cheerfully. 

They stood outside the aquarium, goggle-eyed. It was huge, to say the least. When Duff grabbed Izzy's hand and pulled him into the building, Izzy felt his heart flutter. 

They spent most of their time in the shark exhibit. Duff named every shark and fish in the tank and Izzy responded with questions. “What's that one?” Izzy intrigued, but all he got in response was silence, “Duff?” 

Izzy looked over to see Duff bent over a little kid who had a rainbow infinity symbol patch on her jacket.  Izzy watched them with innocent delight, as they spewed out random shark facts. there was a pang in his stomach. Shit, he was in love.  His eyes grew wide at the realization. This was his best and notably straight friend, he surely wouldn't feel the same… surely. 

When Duff stood up and waved goodbye to the little girl he looked back and gave Izzy the sweetest smile. A warmth grew across Izzy’s face and it seemed to happen to Duff as well. They simultaneously took a single step closer to one another.

“Thank you,” Duff whispered. 

[to be continued… i think]

[slashxrose]

Surprise, love -Duff Mckagan-

Title: Surprise, Love.

Warnings: explicit content. 

Summary: I don’t use to do summary of my stories, y’all is gonna love it anyway; enjoy. 

Dirty reading~

Duff Mckagan is the last person I expect to see on my doorstep, wet from the San Francisco mist, a faded green duffle bag at his feet.

Even years removed my heart still clutches at the sight of his hair, the boyish grin on his face. The smile doesn’t reach his eyes the way it used to, but I’m not able to catch much more of him before he’s pulling me into a bear hug and lifting me off the ground.

To put you all in context, Duff was my best friend ... and the best boyfriend someone could ever had, for most of my life, he was my neighbour when we were just born, little kids, getting to know each other from there and living a whole life together; I watched from when his first tooth fell out to when he had to take his first flight to go with the band to San Francisco, the place where I currently live now.

It surprises me, and it shocks me to see him, so changed after so many years, so many years without looking him in the eye, without knowing anything about him; today he is finally here, standing in front of me.

Trying not to break down in tears the emotions hit my being in a wave; remembering the day he left me at the airport and then never see him again; exactly in 1991, after his great "Use your illusion." I never heard from him again.

“Babe,” he breathes, I press my face into his neck, a laugh bubbling up out of my throat, “I missed you.”

“Yeah,” I manage.

I can feel my eyes pricking because I have missed him, too much. We’ve kept up as much as we could over the years, but with him overseas and my steadily making my way around the country, it had gotten difficult. I haven’t heard from him in a few months, and I haven’t seen him in a few years – probably eight, if I think about it. Instead of thinking about it, though, I wrap my arms tight around him and try not to let myself cry at the feeling of him engulfing me.

“I missed you too, Duff.”

I get him up to my apartment and let him settle onto my couch before I ask him any questions, mainly because I can’t quite find my voice and I can’t believe Duff is in my apartment, right now. He beats me to the punch, settling back into my couch and peeking over at me in the kitchen.

“This place is really nice.”

I nod, filling a glass up with water for him and then looking up at him, a smile on my lips.

“It’s alright,” I shrug, shutting off the tap and making my way over to the couch, handing it to him before I sit down, one leg tucked beneath me. “I got lucky.”

Duff sips the water and looks around, shaking his head. My apartment is nice – it’s got floor to ceiling windows and sleek, modern appliances and a killer view of the Golden Gate Bridge.

“Not luck,” he shrugs. “You deserve it, you worked your ass off for this place.”

I swallow, smiling over at him and feeling my cheeks flush – in part, because he’s right, and in part, because he’s wrong.

“Duff,” I laugh my voice soft. I tuck some hair behind my ear and looks up at him. “How’d you find me?”

Duff shrugs, setting the water glass down on my coffee table and turning to face me, leaning his arm over the back of my couch.

“I went home, first...talked to your mom, she gave me your address for if I ever wound up out west. Figured,” he shrugs, laughing, “It’d be more of a surprise if I didn’t tell her I already knew I was coming out this way.”

I shake my head, pressing my fingertips to my face.

“Oh god… I cannot believe my mum did that after all the things I told her, honestly.” I sigh, dropping my hand and raising my brow. “So, she didn’t know you were coming out here...but you did?”

Duff nods.

“Yes, I did… I’ve gotta come back to the hotel in a couple of hours… We’re flying to Europe, we’re gonna start a new tour I guess, we don’t really know, but I figured I could make a stop before I check into my hotel.” I swallow, watching his fingers flex against the couch cushion.

“Another tour?” I raise my brows. “You’ve been on tour the last eight years.”

“That’s what happens when you’re a famous rockstar babe, you never stop….” he laughs, his voice low. “I’m thinking I’ll be out here a bit, actually, trying to convince the boys to stop a little, I want to see you more often.” I try not to let my reaction show on my face, but this is Duff, so I know I’m not exactly subtle.

I chew on the inside of my cheek as I think about it, about Duff, just half an hour away instead of across the world.

“Wow,” I breathe, smiling over at him. “I’d get to see you, then?”

“If you want to,” Duff shrugs, and I roll my eyes at him, reaching over and swatting at his arm.

We cover the basics with his hand on my knee: I moved to San Francisco alone, I work for a newspaper, and I’m a runner now. He’s been back on tour and he’s not going to go so far away again, and he’s thinking about stop touring a little bit.

Wow.

I slide my hand over his and look down at it, brushing my thumb against the back and humming softly as I look up at him, a smile on my lips.

“So you’re telling me,” I say, my voice soft, “you’re a big enough deal the boys to stop touring, what they’re supposed to be doing?”

Duff rolls his eyes, glancing down to our hands and then back up to mine, his gaze soft. I try to focus on anything other than the look in his eyes and settles on his mouth, chewing on the inside of my cheek, because I know it’s a mistake immediately. Bad things tend to happen when I look at Duff Mckagan’ mouth.

“I’m telling you I could do it,” he shrugs, and I watch intently as he runs his tongue over his lower lip, his fingers pressing lightly against my leg. “We’ll find out, I guess; Steven’ planning to go to rehab…” He probably saw my intrigued face, so he immediately keeps talking. “I’ll tell you in a bit about it.” He smiles at me and I nod. “Slash has two little annoying but cute kids… so he’s gonna be busy with that, and Izzy… Well Izzy fucking left the damn band, so there’s no problem with him.”

I nod, feeling my lips shift into a soft smile, Wow, it’s surprising how everything changed since the last time I saw him, every one of them were idk… almost 30 years old, playing and joking around, being drunk and high as fuck, I never… I mean, we never thought that the band was gonna become this famous.

“Well,” I say, “I’m happy for you, Duff. You’re all grown up.”

Duff laughs, pulling his hand from my leg and rubbing his hand over his jaw slowly, swallowing.

“We’re both grown up, honey,” he chuckles, and I let myself meet his gaze. I stuck in a slow breath, feeling how heavy his eyes are on mine, letting the feeling wash over me easily. “Easy to see that, right?”

I nod and sit up a bit, settling my hand on Duff’s forearm, brushing my thumb slowly against his skin.

“Easy,” I say my voice barely above a whisper. “Too easy.” I don’t know why sitting here with him like this makes me feel like I could cry.

I squeeze my eyes shut, sighing out a slow breath and tightening my grip on his arm.

“I really missed you. I know we,” I shake my head, “I know we covered that, kind of, but...god, Duff.” I swallow, heavy, keeping my eyes shut so I don’t have to look at him as the words tumble out of my mouth, “I really didn’t know if I would ever see you again, you know? No matter how safe you told me you were, you almost had a fucking overdose… too much alcohol, too much shit.”

Duff doesn’t say anything, but I feel him shifting on the sofa. I feel him scooting closer to me. His breath wisps over my skin, and I feel like I might be shaking. I should stop him – I knows I should, I knows it’s the right thing to do with all of us history, all of the feelings that stretch out between us – but there’s an ache in my chest that I don’t think will let me. I squeeze his forearm, holding onto it with my fingers and hear myself let out a soft noise as his nose touches mine.

“Babe,” he murmurs, and I nod, my eyes still squeezed shut. “I’m good; you don’t have to worry anymore.”

“I know,” I breathe out, and I slide my hand off his arm and slip my fingers into his hair. I pulling him towards me, kissing him in the way I had imagined doing for years, for a lifetime, even. I’d never kissed him like this, so tender and slow, so intentional, so full. I whine into it, feeling tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.

It feels like my heart is whole, even for just a moment.

Duff’s always been the boy I turned to when I was hurting, always been the person who knew me the best, who could make me feel good. This, though, is different – this kiss isn’t sweet, childhood tenderness, its gut wrenching in the most wonderful way. My stomach twists into a knot and then settles as his arm wraps around my waist, my ears rush harshly as his tongue moves against mine, my heart pounds in my chest as I feel both of our cheeks, touch against each other.

This is Duff, the man, safe in his arms, telling me he’s here, telling me I’m his. He hasn’t said it, but I can tell...I can tell from the way he’s kissing me that this was him, standing on her doorstep, asking me to let him in and keep him.

For tonight, at least, I can do that.

I crawl into his lap and press my fingers into his hair, my thumbs dragging along his face, my breathing ragged against his skin.

“Duff,” I whisper, brushing my lips against his, “I have a bed.”

Duff’s breathing is possibly more laboured than my own as he slips his hand beneath the back of my t-shirt, his fingertips pressing lightly into my skin.

“I assumed,” he mumbles, his mouth praying for mine, “This is a big apartment.”

I nod in a smile, grinning against his lips;

“Want to,” I tip my face down, my forehead pressed to his as I move slowly in his lap, my lips just out of his reach, “take a look at it?”

Duff lets out a low laugh, nodding and mumbling,

“Smooth,” against my mouth as he keeps his arm locked around my waist. He stands up, lifting me with him, I wrap my legs around him as he settles me in his grip.

I direct him to the bedroom, settling my feet down on the ground and swallowing as my eyes fall on a picture frame settled on my nightstand.

“Shirt,” I breathe, looking at Duff, who’s sitting on the edge of her bed, staring at me with a dazed smile on his lips, “shirt off, rockstar.” He lets out a low laugh, and I takes a moment to flip the picture frame face down while his shirt is obstructing his view, then tugs at the hem of my own shirt before taking a step forward, pulling it off as I stations myself between his legs.

I settle my hands on his bare shoulders, dragging my hands down along his skin slowly, then moving it back up and cupping his face in my hands. I slide my thumb over his lower lip and hiccups, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

“God,” I whisper, letting my eyes move over his face, taking him in. I’d never felt so full before. My vision blurs as I watch him, feels his hands settle over my waist.

He had changed, years without seeing him… without feeling him, I missed his touch, his kisses, I missed him so bad.

“Honey,” he says, and his voice has that lilt to it – the what are you crying for lilt, and I don’t have an answer. I bit down on my lower lip, shaking my head and trying to stop myself. His hand reaches up to my cheek and I lean into his touch, feeling my tears seep onto his skin.

I want to tell him...about the photo, about the man in the photo, about the way their timing is truly, continually, terrible. Instead, I lean my face down and kiss his palm, swallowing hard as I hear his own breath going wet.

“Come here,” he says, his voice thick, low.

I don’t need him to say it twice. I crawl into his lap and he shifts them back onto the bed, his hands moving shakily along my skin.

He flips them and undresses me carefully, his eyes moving over every new part of me as it becomes exposed. He unhooks my bra and pulls it slowly down my arms, unbuttons and unzips my jeans and tugs them over my hips, hooks his fingers into the waistband of my panties and tugs at them, slowly, his lips pressing to my stomach as he does, the gasp tearing from my throat involuntary, I swear.

Something in my brain tugs, that I should be embarrassed, being so naked in front of this man who’s known me for my entire life, but no. I can’t be, with the way he’s looking at me, with the adoration and want in his eyes. I let my hands slide along his arms, breathing slowly as he looks at me, takes me in, and then I settle my fingers against his belt buckle.

“I can’t be the only one naked here, baby,” I say, my voice soft, and the smile on his lips is so soft that I feel my cheeks flush.

I unbuckle his belt shakily, watching as he gets himself out of his pants, pushes off his boxers. I bites on my lower lip at the sight of him, half-hard for me, then drags my eyes up to his face, smiling at the way his cheeks are flushed. I sit up a little, wrapping my hand around him gently, dragging my fingertips lightly along his length and shutting my eyes, leaning my forehead against his chest because I don’t think I can take the look on his face, the pure emotion rippling through him.

“Fuck,” he bites out, and his hand slides to the back of her neck, his thumb dragging along the base of it slowly. His voice is shaky when he says my name, and I twist my wrist slowly, smiling as I feel him growing harder in my hand.

Yes, honey, I know you like this.

He shifts my back on the bed, pressing my legs apart so he can settle between them and leaning down to kiss me, drawing his tongue slowly over my lower lip as his thumb drags over my inner thigh. The mixture of sensations has me shaking, already, and he hasn’t even touched me where I want him to yet.

He’s gentle with me, at first. His fingers press lightly against my wet folds, testing the waters, working slowly as I breathe out heavy sighs to keep myself calm.

He’s driving me crazy.

His lips press over my collarbone lightly, dragging against my skin slowly as he dips a finger into me, then another. He hums against the hollow of my neck as his thumb circles my clit lightly, and I feel my hips lifting off the bed to find more of him, knowing he isn’t giving it to me yet.

“Oh god-” I groaned.

I come apart on his fingers, shakily, one of my hands gripped tightly into his hair. His mouth is on my neck and I whine, searching for his face.

“I need you.” I breathe, and he lifts his head slowly, grazing his lips over mine.

“You keep driving me crazy as the first day we met.” he murmurs.

I stop him, slipping my tongue into his mouth. I can’t hear him, like this, not right now. I need him to fuck me, need him, before I get too rational and stop him entirely.

This is too much, I can feel it – I’m going to break the both of us, but I can’t possibly end it before I feel him, before I know what it’s like to have him inside me, again.

“Duff,” I moaned against his mouth, lifting my hips and hooking a leg around his waist, trying to pull him closer. “I need you.”

He nods, slow, just once, and I love him for it. I love that he isn’t trying to tease this out, that he’s listening to me, that we both want this so badly that dragging it along isn’t appealing at all. I slide my hands up to his face, holding it and keeping my eyes on him, my heart still hammering. He locks eyes with me as I feel his tip pressing at my entrance, and I suck in a hard breath, watching his face.

He cracks the softest smile, and I feel my resolve breaking.

“Duff,” I breathe, my voice full, my eyes stinging, “please.”

I want him in a way I can’t understand – it’s something about the way he knows me, I think, absently, as his eyes trail over my face, down my body.

It’s about the way he held my hand when I fell off the jungle gym and broke my arm when we were six, it’s about the way he shoved an old friend of mine for calling me a bitch when we were eleven, it’s about the desperate way he kissed me back in her car when we were sixteen, it’s about the way he made me and makes me feel right now. It’s about the fact that he’s the same Duff he’s always been, but something else altogether, too. The boy I’ve always known, and the man I’ve always wanted, hovering above me, about to make me his, even when I belong to someone else.

But I didn’t care.

One of his hands brushes my cheek, and I slide my own to press over his, to keep him there. I hold his gaze as he pushes into me, slow, filling me. I let out a soft laugh, turning my face into his hand and rolling my hips.

“Please,” I murmur against his skin, “I want to feel you, Duff.”

He’s slow, but not in a torturous way. His eyes stick on mine as he rocks his hips into mine, as the fingers of his free hand trail along my leg, over my hip, tracing little shapes. I feel him, all of him, and my legs tighten around his hips to keep him as close as I can. His strokes are long, deep, and I know neither of us is going to last long, regardless of the speed.

“As my queen commands.” Duff softly replied, smirking before kissing my lips deeply as he thrust deep inside me.

The sudden feeling of being filled with a cock as big as him made me cry out in pleasure breaking the kiss as my back arched, I felt his fingers holding my hips lightly, making the movements to go harder. His own groans of pleasure mixed with mine as they filled the room, he started to move slowly, taking his time as our lips re-joined together with our tongues dancing and warping round each other, as our hands roamed each other’s bodies just feeling blindly in a that need to be close.

I feel my walls constricted around him, he started to move faster and found that bundle of nerves that made me touch the sky with my hands, his moans made an echo in my ear, they were loud, he was really enjoying this, making me instantly lose all the control, all sense of who and where I was, right now it was just the two of us; the world outside didn't matter, the day ahead didn't matter everything I can focus on was in him and nothing was going to stop that.

“Oh shit babe, yes.- ” I moaned. “Keep doing that oh god-” I wrapped his curlers in my fingers holding him, his thrusts collided with my body causing a lack of control in all my senses, damn I had missed this.

His movements were wild and erratic but so perfect precise, he knew all the right buttons to press. I open my eyes again to see him above me, his face the clear picture of pleasure and need, I never had seen anyone become so desperate and undone for me. A man like him with such talent showing a side of himself only to me that so few ever got to see, but in truth he would only ever truly become this undone and this vulnerable for me.

My hands slid down from his hair, trailing down his back across his slightly sweating skin as they found that perfect ass of his. His lips moving to my neck again as tears of happiness, love and pleasure fell.

“Oh my sweet babe.” Duff moaned shakily as he continued thrust deep into me, all I could do was cry out with pleasure and need.

“Oh Duff I love you.” I gasp thrusting up to meet his own movement's.

He’s nothing like I’ve ever felt, before – there’s something about the presence of him, of his body over mine, of his eyes watching me, his breath mixing with my own.

“Babe,” he breathes, his face tipping down, his lips finding mine. I sat up a bit, my hips shifting to meet his, to hit at a new angle. I weave my fingers into his curly hair and grips onto it as I kiss him, our tongues pressed together as I feel the heat pooling in my stomach, knows I’m closer than I’d even like to admit.

His hand moves from my leg to dip between them, pressing against my clit slowly, tracing over my nerves delicately before finding a pattern. I can tell he’s close, too, his breathing getting heavier, his thrusts more erratic.

“C’mon babe” I murmur against his mouth, “I want to feel you, Duff, I want to know what you feel about me.” my words fade into a whine as I feel him pressing more firmly to my clit, rolling it between his fingers.

I come hard, around him, feeling him spill into me moments later, our moans mixing together as he presses me down into the mattress.

“Oh damn.” He moans loudly in my ear.

We lay still, for a long while. I scratch sleepily at the back of his neck, Duff start kissing my neck softly as we cling to each other, trying to calm down. He pulls out of me slowly, smiling to himself as I groan at the loss, and I hum as he lays back down, still pressing his weight down against me.

“You’re not allowed to go anywhere,” I whisper, my lips pressed against the side of his head, “until I say so.”

Duff nods. “Got it, you’re in charge,” he murmurs, “so nothing’s really changed, huh?”

I laugh, but I feel the pang in my chest, knowing the truth – because yes, almost everything really has changed, and he doesn’t even know the half of it.

I must fall asleep, because when I woke up it’s dark outside and I hear him moving around...somehow, I just knew in that moment that he knows, now. I sit up slowly, pulling the sheets to my chest and pressing my hand over her face.

“Duff?”

He pokes his head out of the bathroom and smiles at me softly. When he steps through the door, he’s got his boxers on, and I feel my heart clench in my chest.

“What’s his name, babe?” He sits on the edge of the bed and pull my hand from my face, lacing his fingers with mines. “He’s got some nice pomades, in there...expensive.”

“Duff,” my voice is hollow, I look up at him with pleading eyes. “I can explain all of this, okay?”

He nods, brushing his thumb over mine.

“I know,” he swallows, his voice thick. “What’s his name?”

I sigh out a breath and casts my eyes upwards, trying not to cry.

“Daniel…” I answer, quietly. “We’ve been...I moved in a few months ago, but it’s been a little over a year.”

I don’t let myself close my eyes, making myself look at him as he swallows, processing my words and looking around the room.

“You love him?”

“Duff,” I don’t know how to answer that question, not right now.

He’s been away for a while, and came here making me feel lost and complete at the same time, now I don’t even know where or who I am.

“Does he make you happy, hun? That’s,” he lets out a soft, wet laugh, “that’s really...what I’m asking you.” I nod, looking down at our hands. “Good.”

“I didn’t,” I croak, and I hate myself for it. “I didn’t know when you...if you,” I shake my head. “I didn’t know, Duff. I didn’t know if I...if–,”

“I didn’t want you waiting for me,” he supplies, shaking his head and looking at me, straight on. “I’m glad you didn’t, I... I slept with a lots of girls too… I can’t blame you for this.”

I feel desperate, scoots myself closer to him and settles a hand on his cheek.

“I’m not,” I breathe, wanting to press my face to his and hesitating. “You’re here, now, Duff.”

Duff nods, and bridges the gap. He presses his forehead against mine, finding my eyes.

“I’m not leaving,” he says, his voice low. “I told you,” he swallows, “I’m not gonna go away without you next time. If I convince the boys…damn.”

I nod.

“And I’ll be here,” I murmur. “But someone else is gonna be here with me…”

He shuts his eyes, squeezing my hand.

“For now,” he shrugs, “and maybe for good, but,” he opens his eyes and looks at me, fully.

My feels tear pooling in my eyes.

“I’m not going anywhere. I...I believe in this, babe. I wouldn't be here if I didn’t.”

I take a long breath, nodding slowly. I realize he doesn’t mean here, my apartment – he means here, in San Francisco...that he wouldn’t be considering this job if it wasn’t for me. I understand his meaning, here: I’m in charge.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, and he shakes his head, but I stop him. “No, I should’ve told you.”

“His shoes were by the door, babe, I saw them.” he says, his voice soft. “I’m not an idiot.”

I feel something break in me, and I find Duff’s mouth, kissing him softly.

“God,” I laugh, my voice low, my lips pressed to his, “we really can’t get it right, huh?”

Duff kisses me, soft and slow, his tongue tracing my lip before he pulls away. He stands up from the bed and I watch, my eyes wide and soft as he moves around, grabbing his clothes and pulling them on.

“To be determined,” he decides, as he’s buckling his belt.

I chew on my cheek, getting out of bed and finding my robe. I wrap it around me and follows him out into the living room, watching as he grabs his duffel bag.

“You can stay,” I say, my voice hoarse, and he looks over his shoulder at me, shaking his head.

“I won’t leave,” he swallows, and I shut my eyes for a moment at his words. I nod.

“Okay,” I whisper. “So when will I see you?”

Duff sighs out a breath as he pulls the bag over his shoulder, then wraps his arm around my waist. He walks me over to the door before he pulls me against him, leaning his face down, kissing me softly.

“I’ll be here another week,” he says, his voice low, “and then...depending on things, I’ll be here for good. So,” he finds my eyes, “up to you, okay? You call me.”

I nod, my head spinning.

“Don’t disappear on me, okay?” I beg.

He shakes his head, softly, kissing me lightly.

“Promise, I won’t.” He replies.

I feel him pull his arms away, and I wrap my own around myself so I don’t do something stupid, like pull him back into my bedroom. I watch as he grabs the doorknob, opening the door and taking a step through it.

“Call me when you get to your hotel?”

He nods, leaning down and kissing me gently.

“I will,” he breathes against my mouth.

By the time I open my eyes, he’s gone. My phone buzzes on the kitchen island and my heart drops, but when I flip it over, it’s Duff.

‘Miss you already, you know that?’

I press it to my chest and shut my eyes, taking deep breaths – in part, to calm down, and in part, because I did.

[bringmebackdude]

Heaven

Pairing: Duff Mckagan x Reader

Concept: 

Word count: 1,141

(some fluff, angst)

The tall clumsy blonde closed the door behind him, trying not to make a loud noise with his presence, but his cowboy boots thought otherwise. The thumps of the heels hitting the wood echoed through the apartment, still, you were too deep in your sleep to hear he was back. He knew you would be mad because he had left almost ten hours ago when he promised it was just a couple of drinks. It wasn’t the anger that scared him, it was the disappointment that used to peak in your beautiful eyes. Those eyes he promised to never see them turn dull.

“Shit!” he exclaimed in a whisper after accidentally pushing a chair. His body stood still, waiting to hear the creaking of the bed as you woke because of his dizziness, but there was no noise.

Regardless of how much alcohol was in his system, fear invaded his being. What if she left? The dark brown dusty boots made their way to the bedroom you shared with him, he was uncertain if he could bear the idea of you not being around anymore. And it was all his fault. Hazel eyes stared at the wooden boards, before gathering the courage to look at the bed, finding the beautiful woman who would wake them gleam every time their sight was set on her. Your soft hair spread across the pillow, pink lips slightly parted, with blue sheets that covered your delicate body. He was so lucky. Quickly taking his shoes and pants off, he jumped under the covers, softly wrapping his arms around you and pulling the weight so he could cuddle you. 

You snuggled up to him, eliciting a smile from him, who left a sweet kiss on your forehead. With the tour, recordings, rehearsals, and parties, Duff easily got caught up in the wild rockstar life, sometimes forgetting the most important part of it. The one he was grateful to the universe for crossing into his path. His life changed completely when he met you; found a confidant, a best friend, a shoulder to cry on, a person who would never judge him if it wasn’t for the best, a lover, the worst joker ever, but most importantly, the love of his life. 

Michael was so unfamiliar with true love from someone who wasn’t a relative, his previous relationships weren’t the worst, but the feelings between him and the ex-girlfriends were almost uncomfortable on some occasions. He was invaded by joy when little moments returned to his memory, those when he was sober. When you cooked his favorite food, the time you finally played a full song on a guitar after he spent weeks teaching you, and the time you helped him bleach his hair after you insisted he looked way hotter with his natural blonde mane. Two years of being with (Y/N) , the one his sisters adored and loved having her home for a visit, the one who baked Christmas cookies with his mother and buy him, the one who would buy him an ugly sweater to match together at dinner. This was the girl his family looked forward to his marrying, as well as he. Heaven was a place on Earth beside her. I’m not giving you up.

The next morning, your arm reached to the other side of the bed, looking for the warmth of your boyfriend’s body, once again finding the side empty and cold. It wasn’t a surprise, there were plenty of times when Duff would prefer to crash at Slash’s or Izzy’s place so you wouldn’t see how drunk he was. So, like any other day, you got out of bed, grabbed some underwear, and walked straight to the shower, trying to avoid all those thoughts that plagued you. What if he slept with someone else? What if something bad happened to him? Maybe I should call Slash just to make sure he’s alright. Although all those previous times the same questions came to your head, he always walked through the door like a drunk mess, but safe. And that’s all you needed, for him to come back home, safe and sound, to you. A long black shirt with the Ramones logo was your choice of an outfit to leave your bedroom, lazily walking out of this one and smelling the sweet scent of food being cooked. Who’s cooking? No one stayed last night and the only one who had an extra key to the apartment was the band’s manager. You found the silhouette of your boyfriend facing the stove, and he made the gesture of moving something that was in front of him.

“G’morning.”

He quickly turned around, giving you that pearly smile you loved so much, “G’morning, beautiful” returning to his previous position.

“You didn’t come home last night” the words slipped out of your mouth.

“I did but it was pretty late, Slash was having problems with Renee.”

You didn’t respond, because you couldn’t care less about other people’s relationship problems while dealing with yours.

“I made breakfast...” putting a plate in front of you with a stash of fluffy pancakes, maple syrup dripping on the sides with chopped walnuts on the top.

“We didn’t have any walnuts” you looked at the food in front of you, it wasn’t burnt or messy. They looked almost like the ones iHop advertised.

“Steven went to the market early this morning with me, you like ‘em right?” he sat on the chair that was facing you from the other side of the table.

There was silence for a few seconds, “Duff, I’m not sure I can keep doing this. Pancakes are not going to mend months of heavy drinking and finding you passed out outside the building.”

“It won’t happen again, (y/n)”

“You keep telling me that, but it’s always the same story!” the silverware made a loud noise when you dropped them on the table, anguished.

“I know baby, and I’m so sorry.” He quickly kneeled beside you, intertwining his fingers with yours. There was despair in his eyes, something you haven’t seen before, and that awakened hope within you.

“You need to go to rehab,” Releasing one of your hands, you caressed his face, feeling his soft skin mixed with some acne scars from his teenage years, “tour is over, you need to get better, sweetheart.”

“Yes, I will, but I can do it myself” he nodded, moving his sight to face your palm and give it a soft kiss. “I promise” saying those magic words, those you hoped meant what they were. The bassist stood up, leaning towards you, and kissed your lips.

A weak smile appeared on your face, really wanting to believe him. You were giving him another chance to have your whole heart in his hands. Deep inside knowing he was falling straight to the void of alcoholism if he wasn’t already in it, and that you would keep helping him, even if it meant getting swept away too..

[duffs-shot-glass]

Forget Him *PART TWO* (Izzy Stradlin)

Forget Him Part One

Izzy Stradlin x Reader

Sad Fluff

WARNINGS: profanities, mentions of abuse and abusive relationship

Word Count: 935 Part 2 *This won’t make sense unless you read part one :)*

Y/N’s POV:

I looked over at Izzy. He had a concerned look on his face and I was still in shock at what had happened. Tears were pouring down my face and I couldn’t stop them. I sat on the couch and held my stomach. Izzy sat next to me and wiped a tear from my face. Then I heard a couple of the boys gasp quietly. “What the hell?” Axl whispered. I looked up at the boys in confusion.

“Y/N you uh..you have a black e-eye.” Duff muttered. A wave of realization flooded over me and I instantly felt sick. “Y/N are you ok?” Slash asked. I nodded my head and ran to the bathroom. I felt as if I would throw up. I felt almost ashamed of myself. Why did I feel like this? I did nothing wrong. I locked the door behind me and sat on the cold tile floor. Just as I began to calm down I heard a knock on the door. “Y/N? Can I come in? We don’t have to talk about it, I just wanna make sure you're ok.” It was Izzy. I nodded my head even though he couldn’t see. I unlocked the door and he opened it slowly. “There you are. It’s alright ok? He isn’t gonna bother you anymore.” Izzy sat next to me and took me into his arms. I felt calm in his embrace. The warmth of his body soothed me along with his heartbeat. “Iz-” He cut me off. “Listen Y/N, if it’s gonna make you feel better to talk about it then go right ahead, but if you don’t want to you don’t have to.” He stroked my hair softly. “It’s okay Iz I wanna talk about it.” I broke free of his embrace and looked into his beautiful brown eyes. “Just….why? Why was he acting like that?” He said breathlessly. “It’s a long story Iz so I’m gonna tell you the basics.” He nodded his head, “Ok.” I looked down at the floor made of small white tiles. “He wanted to have sex with me but...I told him I wasn’t ready and he got mad. Some nights I had to say I would call the police just to get him to leave. Eventually he started hitting me because of it and threatening to do worse if I told someone. I was scared Iz...I didn’t wanna make anything worse than it already was.” I was starting to cry again and Izzy hugged me tightly. “I’m so sorry that happened to you Y/N. I promise it will never happen again. I don’t want you seeing him anymore. He isn’t safe and I’m sorry but I don’t think he is gonna change.” He whispered. I nodded my head and looked at him. “Is that why you have a black eye?” Izzy asked. “Oh uh yeah.” I said sheepishly. “That’s awful.”

Izzy’s POV:

“That’s awful.” I said and looked at my shoes. I’m gonna beat this guy’s ass. I couldn’t help but feel horrible about the entire thing. I grabbed a tissue off of the counter and wiped Y/N’s tears. “Let’s go tell the guys you're alright.” I helped Y/N to her feet and we walked out the door. The guys were sitting in the living room whispering about what had just happened. “I’m um..ok guys.” Y/N said. “Did that douche bag do that to you?!” Axl yelled and stood up. “Ax take it easy” Steven said. “Steven, how am I supposed to ‘take this easy’ ? Y/N got beat up by that jerk and now he is gone.” I gave Axl the ‘Don’t talk about it’ look and he sat down. The night continued on as they usually did. The boys argued over stupid shit and Y/N and I sat in the corner of the room and talked. I looked at Y/N and took in her features. To me, she looked like she could outshine even the brightest of stars. Not only was her beauty immaculate, but her personality was like something I had never seen before. She made me a different person. My typically unamused face now brightened with joy. I heard people say that everyone has a purpose in life, and I never believed that until I met her. Y/N. She was my purpose in life. “Y/N...I have to tell you this and I’m sorry if it ruins our friendship but I think you need to know.” I said calmly even though my heart was racing. She looked at me and smiled. Oh how that smile killed me. “I love you. I really, truly love you.” My palms were becoming sweaty and my heart felt as if it would jump out of my chest. “I love you too Izzy.” She smiled and before I could respond, she pressed a kiss to my lips. I was surprised at first, but I happily obliged. When we pulled away from the kiss I looked over to see all of the guys staring at us. “So….I will be the first to ask,” Duff started. “Are you guys together now?” I felt my cheeks redden and I looked over at Y/N. She looked at me, smiled, and turned her head to Duff. “Yes.” The smile on my face probably looked extremely dumb, but I didn’t care. This masterpiece of a person was mine.

Hello!~I know this is shorter than most of my other ones but I felt like it needed to end here. Also, this probably wasn’t my best writing so I just wanted to say sorry about that. I am always trying to improve! Thanks for reading! Have a great day and remember you are beautiful! :)♥︎

[lost-in-the-80s]

Bloodletting part II - Prologue

Words: 1,820k

Summary: Guns n Roses are already known for being dangerous, but how dangerous would they be if they were vampires? Would it be a wiseful decision to fall for one of them?

A/N: Next week the x reader part will start! I’m making a playlist inspired by this (sorry, I just couldn’t hold myself sjdhs). I’ll be posting one part every Tuesday. Also, from now and on, tag list will be at the end of the fic :)

Some initial information: this series will take place in 2020, but without the pandemic. If you already read part 1 (which was posted last year) please ignore any pairs that the boys have had (Slash’s case), here they are all single.

Moodboards | Part I | Part III

Los Angeles, 2016.

“What the fuck died in here?” Izzy asked as he entered Axl’s victorian house in Los Angeles.

It was night outside and all the curtains were closed, putting the entire house in complete darkness. If Izzy wasn’t a vampire, he surely wouldn’t be able to see anything.

The smell of blood and something decomposing had caught his nostrils as soon as he opened the door, making him cover his nose with his hand.

“I did.” Axl’s hoarse voice came from upstairs, he wasn’t yelling, he knew his friend could hear even his breath from the floor below.

Izzy rolled his eyes, starting to climb the stairs. “Yeah, but it was almost a thousand years ago.”

Reaching the second floor, Axl was sitting on the floor, a bottle of Scotch Whisky in his hands as his shirtless figure looked at his friend.

“Shit, when was the last time you took shower?” Izzy wrinkled his nose in disgust.

The redhead shrugged. “Am fuckin tired, Iz.”

“Don’t tell me you’re in that I Hate Myself phase again.” The brunette started walking through the corridors, going in the direction of the decomposing smell that had gotten stronger.

“I fucking do! I hate what I am.”

“It’s useless to hate yourself, we already talked about it.” He stopped in front of a door, the smell was definitely coming from behind it.

“And what am I supposed to do, Isbell?”

Izzy opened the door, covering his nose one more time when he saw the dead body of a girl inside, she didn’t look older than 25 and was dead for at least a couple of hours now. A human would never be able to smell her though.

“Axl, if I know you well, and I like to think I do, this happens every time you’re alone.”

“I’m always alone, Isbell.”

“I told you to go to New York with me last year.” He closed the door, moving closer to the redhead.

“I’m not going to fucking New York.”

“And what are you going to do then? Kill yourself? You know that it’s impossible.”

“Believe me, I know.”

Izzy frowned, squatting down in front of him, a circular bruise on his chest indicated that he had shot himself there, not so long ago.

He shook his head. “When did you do it?”

“Last night.”

“How did it feel?”

“I passed out. Woke up a few minutes later and it fucking hurt, I had to take the fucking bullet out of it. Wasn’t nice.”

“At least it’s almost healed.”

“I’m fucking tired of not feeling anything. Not even this fucking whisky can make me drunk anymore.” He threw the bottle on the other side of the corridor, its glass hitting the wall and breaking in many pieces.

Izzy rubbed his forehead. “That’s it! Pack your stuff, you’re going to New York with me.”

“I’m not fucking daeing that.” He got up, entering his office and getting a cigarette in his wooden box.

“You’re becoming reckless. There’s a body in your house and at some point, someone will miss the girl. It’s not 1720 anymore, they have cameras everywhere now, it’s a matter of days until they find you.”

Axl looked at him, but didn’t say anything.

Izzy removed his blazer, placing it on a chair in front of the desk and removing his tie. “I’m gonna take care of the body, be ready when I’m back.”

---

The flight to New York was quiet, Axl was too proud to thank his friend for helping him and Izzy was in his own world, enjoying the silence in the first class while drinking some gin.

Arriving in the city around midday, they were quite a sight. Izzy in a suit with a long and expensive grey coat over it, matched with his black sunglasses and grey-black hat, while Axl wore a pair of black ripped jeans and a leather jacket, also wearing black sunglasses.

It was winter in New York, as they walked towards the uber who would drive them to Izzy’s new house in the city. A three-floor gothic construction from the XIX century, which he had sent some pictures to Axl via letters, since Axl refused to have a cell phone.

“What the fuck are you doing in New York after all?”

“Business, Axl.”

He knew that Izzy had business in many places, he always knew what to do with his money, no wonders why he was the richest vampire he knew. But the fact that Izzy changed Amsterdam for New York was still something he couldn’t justify.

“And why moving here?”

“There are some cool people around.”

“Since when dae ya care about who’s around?”

“I do feel lonely sometimes too, Axl.”

And then silence was spread in the car again.

After almost an hour, they stopped in front of a huge house, its walls were in exposed brick and the garden in front had some trees that had lost their leaves with the cold weather.

Exiting the car, Izzy stopped on the sidewalk, getting a cigarette from his pack and offering one to Axl, which he silently thanked. He lighted both cigarettes before speaking up:

“There will be some people inside, I want you to be cordial to them.”

Axl scoffed. “And since when ah umnae cordial?” He passed through Izzy, stopping in front of the front door while waiting for the brunette.

Izzy rolled his eyes, but opened the door. The house was in the same way as when he left, the smell of old books and wooden, mixed with a little alcoholic scent, along with a small hint of blood coming from the freezers in the basement.

“Hello, Izzy.” A blonde guy, smaller than them, approached the two of them, he was coming from the kitchen and there was a huge smile on his face. “You must be Axl.”

Axl looked him up and down, scanning his figure. He wore blue jeans and a red bomber jacket.

He can’t be older than 20, Axl thought to himself.

“Ya, I am.” He passed through the blonde, looking at every piece of the house. “Where’s my room, Izzy?”

“Hello, Steven.” Izzy chose to ignore the redhead, moving towards the fireplace room.

“How was your trip?”

“It was good, Steven. Thanks for asking.”

“Is he English like you and Slash? He sounds different.”

Axl averted his eyes to the blonde, with a mortal glare. “Ah umnae fucking English. I’m Scottish!”

“Oh, sorry! Well, but you are all British, so it’s almost the same thing right?” He smiled, trying to start a conversation.

“Izzy, what is this bampot talking about?” Axl started to move towards Steven, but Izzy stopped him.

“Control yourself.” He gave Axl a stern look before taking a long breath.

“You must be Axl. Nice jacket.” Another blonde showed up, he had a pack of chips in his hands and he entered the room. He was taller than the rest of them and looked like he was 21 or 22. He wore black jeans and a denim jacket on top of a grey sweater.

“Yeah.”

“I’m Duff.” He pointed to himself before throwing himself on the couch.

“The guy in the library is Slash, he’s English too.” Izzy pointed towards the library, to which Axl only nodded in understanding. “Come, I’ll show you your room.”

Picking up his suitcase, Axl followed him up the stairs, lots of old pictures of Izzy and his friends were on display on the wall, and Axl almost smiled when he saw a picture of the two of them together.

Izzy stopped at the end of the corridor, opening a door on his right side. Inside the room, the walls were in a cream color and the furniture, the floor was in the darkest shade of wood Izzy could’ve found. There was a huge bed with white sheets and a white big bathroom, with a big mirror inside. The room’s windows gave Axl a view of the front yard and the street.

“Good enough for you?” Izzy asked.

“Ya.” He placed his suitcase on the floor and sat at the edge of the bed, watching as Izzy sat on the white armchair in front of the windows.

“Why did you go after me, Iz?”

Izzy took a deep breath, inhaling the last of his smoke. “I had a dream.” He exhaled the smoke. “You were in a lake and you were drowning, and you didn’t seem to make a move to get out of there.” He paused for a second. “I thought something was wrong with you.”

Axl nodded, staying in silence for a while before speaking up again. “And who are these people?”

“I met Slash on the plane to here, we were sitting next to each other, and we obviously knew what we were. He turned out to be a nice guy, but he had nowhere to stay here, I told him he could stay with me for a while.”

“And what about the other two?”

“Duff’s the owner of a bar, not too far from here, he’s cool, introduced me to some nice music. He used to live in the apartment on top of it, but it needed some reforms, and he’s staying here ever since the reform started.”

“And when will the reform be over?”

“They finished it about 3 months ago.”

“Why is he still here then?”

“Because we’re friends, just like Steven, who’s a friend of Duff’s, he was here all the time, and then I simply decided to tell him to stay permanently.”

“Since when do you care about friends?”

“I know that you’re in a terrible mood, and that the idea of living with other people is strange for you after so many years living alone. But the thing is: we all want the same thing Axl.”

“And what’s that?”

“A family.”

Axl stared into his eyes.

“It’s the only thing we can’t have, and even though we are very different, we are a family, or a clan, or whatever. We miss having people who care for us around, and we miss the feeling of belonging to something. You’ll understand it, not today, but you will some time, and then you’ll be thankful for having these people around you.”

Izzy got up, leaving the room and closing the door behind him, leaving Axl to think about his words.

---

Turns out that Izzy was right. In the first weeks, Axl would stay on his own, only joining during their daily meal and not saying a word. But after a while, he started to loosen up. He and Duff got really along, and he made Axl see the good part of Steven's and Slash’s personality.

And now, after four years living together and being this so-called clan, they learned how to coexist with each other and ended up becoming close friends, or even brothers, Steven dared to say. And in their own weird way, they became a family.

Tag list: @roger-taylors-car @ladieswttda @teasid @metalheartofgold @slashscowboyboots @ginny-rose-sixx @rumoured-whispers @bigdaddylars @dynamitebabe @tuffduff @mitchgrassified @gamsbeans @hooloovooblue @normatural @axlsbabygirl @mudkicker @dazeduchess @izzysjujuhounds @pinkpatiencecreepers @smokeandmirrorz

Add yourself to my tag list :)

[katelyn--renee]

Jealous Heart

Title: Jealous Heart

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Characters: Alex Karev, Reader, Meredith Grey, Christina Yang, Izzy Stevens, George O’Malley, Malcolm Ramsay (OC)

Pairing: Alex x Reader

Words:  ± 1600

Description: Alex’s jealousy leads to something interesting.

Created for @anyfandomgoesbingo​ Square Filled: Jealousy

Rating: Rated M for Mature.

Warnings: Nothing really; maybe a bit of fluff. A bit of bullying/teasing.  Author’s Note: There is no beta and this is my first Grey’s Anatomy fic. I hope you enjoy! Please comment your thoughts and share the love! Your feedback gives me life! :)

A shout out to @writeyourmindaway​ for the amazing dividers! Thank you!

Interested in more of my work, check out the link below.

Masterlist

“Careful, Evil Spawn, your jealousy is showing. People might actually think you’re human.” Christina Yang taunted, teasing her colleague and tossing a piece of popcorn toward him. It hit Alex in the arm and dropped to the floor beside the wheelchair he occupied. He glared at the assaulting food as the other interns snickered and smirked, their laughter filling the empty hallway. 

Karev scoffed and rolled his eyes at them, sneering at Yang. “Yeah. Whatever.” He grumbled, gripping the handles of the wheel chair a little tighter, and swiftly turning away from the other interns. He heard them muttering and giggling behind his back, and so he turned back, face red with annoyance. “I just - I don’t get it, what does that guy have, that I don’t?” He argued, gesturing wildly behind him toward the entrance of their hideaway. “The dude is a tool!” 

The four other interns exchanged thoughtful looks, very much enjoying their antics. “Good hair,” Izzy chimed in first with a shrug, stating the fact as if it should have been obvious. She smacked George in the arm, who nodded in agreement, “Great hair, actually. Like, it’s always just so perfectly, well-groomed…” Izzy made a few hand motions for added effect, touching her own head of blonde hair. She made a few more side comments about his rugged good looks and broad shoulders.

“Talented hands.” Meredith added to the list, but then quickly corrected herself before anyone got the wrong idea. “He’s a world-class surgeon.” She shrugged, glancing at Alex who shook his head, feeling betrayed. He scoffed again.

“A heart.” Christina stated bluntly, stealing a laugh from Meredith who shook her head and instantly tried to hide her smile for Alex’s sake. “A soul. Decent human emotions.” She continued, the laughter bubbling up again around them.

Alex had heard enough and he stood up, “Screw you guys.” He grumbled, storming off in the opposite direction. This only made Christina laugh even more, mocking him with a pouty lip and fake teary eyes.

“I’m sure he doesn’t give people syphilis either!” George called out after Alex, who replied with a few choice words of his own, flashing him the finger over his shoulder.

He couldn’t believe them. They were supposed to be his friends! They were supposed to be on his side and agree with him, not make him feel worse about the whole situation. But maybe they were right? What chance did a guy like him have against a guy like that? 

As if the universe were mocking him, a portrait of Dr. Perfect stared down at him at the end of the hall. He sneered at it before turning down the next hall, heading for the lobby at the front of the hospital.

He paused at the main nurses station, collecting a patient’s chart in an attempt to distract himself with work. He looked over the information and tried to make sense of the numbers in front of him. But, no matter how hard he tried to focus, it did little to ease his racing mind and jealous heart.

With a huff of annoyance, he closed the chart and put it back into the slot, clenching his jaw. He scrubbed a hand over his face, trying to force away his frustrations. He scratched at the stubble accompanying his jawline. What the hell was he doing? He shook his head, annoyed and angry with himself. 

A familiar, adorable giggle reached his ears and seized his heart; it was a sound he’d recognize anywhere. He followed the beautiful sound and glanced in the direction of the grand staircase, spotting (Y/N) standing near the bottom of the steps with none other than the tool himself, Dr. Malcolm Ramsay; Dr. Perfect. 

Alex watched their exchange from afar and his lip curled with anger as the jealousy bubbled up inside of his chest, making his blood boil. It coiled and twisted inside of his stomach, making him feel sick. She looked so excited and bubbly and happy and it pissed him off knowing that it wasn’t him who made her feel that way. How could he?

He watched with disdain as the man touched her arm, affectionately squeezing it. She giggled and scrunched her nose up, making it crinkle cutely. Alex clenched his hands into fists at his sides, his jaw set. He had to look away, his stomach - and heart - couldn’t bear to watch anymore. 

Leaving the nurses station, he rounded the next corner and paused, making a decision. He couldn’t wait any longer, he needed to know; for his own sanity, he needed to know why she felt the way that she did and why it had to be him.

He waited impatiently for her, pacing the small section of hallway and earning himself a few odd looks from nurses and passing doctors. He would turn expectantly at every passing set of footsteps, only being met with disappointment. One particular set of footsteps caught his ear and when he turned to confront them, he was met with the (Y/E/C) that he adored so much.

Grabbing her by the arm gently, yet firmly, he tugged her into a nearby supply closet and shut the door with a loud bang. “Alex, what the hell?” (Y/N) gasped with a confused expression on her face. She rose a curious brow at the other intern, his back still to her. “Alex, what’s going on?” She asked again, hesitant to know the answer. Something was wrong.

“(Y/N) we need to talk.” Alex finally spoke, his voice agitated and a bit shaky. He turned to face her then, his expression hard and serious. He had his hands on his hips and his breathing was erratic, his chest rising and falling quickly, but he said nothing else.

(Y/N) made an impatient face as the silence built between them and she folded her arms under her breasts, sighing “Okay?” She questioned, dragging out the word with annoyance, “Alex, you’re being weird. What the hell is going on?” She asked with a huff, her lips pressed into a solid line. “Look, Alex, I’ve got work to do. Bailey is going to kill me if I don’t get these charts finished. Spit it out.” 

His stomach was in knots, doing cartwheels in his abdomen. His tongue felt like concrete in his mouth, too heavy to move. Fuck. Man up! Talk to her! “Why do you like him?” Alex blurted out suddenly, his brow pinched together and his eyes stern.

(Y/N) frowned heavily at him, “Excuse me?” She asked, confused and slightly offended by his assumption. “Like who, Alex? You’re not making any sense.” She rolled her eyes at the man.

“Don’t act like you don’t know. I saw how cozy you just were with him, giggling and doing that nose scrunch thing you do.” He stated, gesturing to her nose and face, clearly upset. 

“What?” (Y/N) scoffed at him and shook her head, her (Y/H/C) swaying with the motion. “You’re being ridiculous.” She muttered and moved to step past him, but he stepped in her path. “Alex.” She huffed, annoyed by his antics. 

“Answer the question; why do you like that tool? I need to know.” Alex insisted, his eyes searching hers for an answer. 

“Alex, move.” (Y/N) tried again, but Alex kept his stance firm and planted his feet. It became very apparent to her Alex wasn’t about to let this go any time soon. She looked away from him, her tongue making an annoyed clicking sound in her mouth before she huffed, giving in. “He’s not the one I like, Alex.” She admitted, forcing herself to look into his eyes.

Alex frowned at that, his confusion only growing stronger. “W-what, who then?” He asked, his tone not as harsh as before. He crossed his arms, trying to rack his brain and figure out who this mystery guy is. His face was scrunched and pinched between his brows, straining.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes, her expression softening a fraction. She studied his face, her eyes wandering over his handsome features and eyes full of so much emotion. “Do you really not know, dummy?” She stated, the softness of her voice catching his attention. There was another drawn out pause. “Do I have to spell it out for you?” She smiled a little at him, raising her brows in an attempt to silently fill in the blanks for him.

Everything began to click into place and his face began to relax at the realization. Alex swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat with her confession, his eyes falling to her lips briefly before meeting her eyes. A hint of a smile hitched up the corner of his mouth before he closed the distance between them, his hands cupping her face. Their lips met, hard and desperate to taste each other. They’d been dreaming of this day, the pair of them dancing around their feelings for months and now… now it was actually happening.

Alex’s heart was racing inside of his chest, pounding so hard he thought it would burst from his chest and flop onto the floor. He had to break away, but didn’t go far, their foreheads still pressed together. He smiled and laughed softly, sounding a bit breathless. Her hands were on his chest and he wondered if she could feel his heart pounding there. He rubbed her cheeks with his thumbs, his fingers cradling the back of his neck. 

“Does that answer your question, dummy?” She muttered and laughed softly, her lips connecting with his again in an affectionate peck. After a moment, she laughed again, “Wait, were you really jealous of Dr. Ramsey?” She questioned, teasing him with a raised brow. 

Alex rolled his eyes playfully, “Shut up.” He replied, silencing her giggles with another kiss.

Thanks for reading!! 

[ladieswttda]

One in a Million (Guns n’ Roses x Fem!Reader)

Chap.1

Description: The tour life of a rock girl band in the 80’s, but not without their not so normal friends and band called Guns N’ Roses.

Warning: some curse, and a light mention of alcohol and drugs. It’s not a warning, but Mötley Crüe is going to appear into the chapters

Words: 2911

"Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" Y/N exclaimed as she ran down Sunset Strip trying to get to the bus, and of course with a huge bag trying not to bump into anyone and screaming 'sorry' to a guy she almost knocked into the ground.

Today was the day her band would take a new level. They were going on their first big tour, opening with Guns N' Roses for the crazy band called Mötley Crüe. She was beyond excited, but as always she was super late. The bus was supposed to leave at ten am and was already eleven. Y/N was certain that they had already left her in LA, but she had a little hope they waited for her because they couldn't replace their amazing drummer.

Y/N was relieved when she spotted a huge bus with a not so tall redhead smoking a cigarette and kinda stressed talking with, what looked like, the bus driver.

"I'm sure she's coming, Sir. She's just a bit, how can I say.... slow?" When the driver was going to say he was done and the bus was leaving, they heard a scream and turned their heads "I'M HERE! I'M HERE!!"

Axl blew a breath that he didn't even knew he was holding "You almost made they leave you here, sweetheart." Y/N smiled at her old friend and handed over one of the bags to the driver, with a quiet 'thank you'.

It wasn't new that the girls from Y/N's band had a great friendship with the boys from Guns. And more obviously because Ayla, the guitarist, was Slash's sister, so they knew each other from a long time.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Ax. For real, a lot happened and..." She was going to start explaining, when he put his finger over her mouth and smiled "It's okay, let hop in the bus before someone scream at me again, and at you now." Y/N nodded and they started walking into the bus.

When they got inside, the first thing Y/N noticed was that the girls were already having a friendly conversation with the mötley boys, which was great and how Steven looked worried.

"What if she died? And how we just abandoned her here? She's going to be..." Before he could finish, Axl cleared his throat and everyone looked at their direction "Look who I found outside?" He had a hand on Y/N's small back and she weirdly smiled and waved.

Steven ran and hugged Y/N with all force he had, almost crashing her "You're alive! We were so worried abou you..." Ayla laughed and replied "You were worried, Stevie. We all knew Y/N would be late." She said rolling her eyes making Y/N roll her ones too.

"What happened this time, sweets?" Izzy asked hugging her.

"Actually the question is, what didn't happened?" Y/N answered setting her backpack in one of the sits.

"Are you sure you didn't over slept with a groupie?" Blake, the bassist asked earning a laugh from everyone besides Y/N, who kindly answered "Fuck off, will you?"

"Before we continue with Y/n/N story time, let's introduce her to the them." Axl said and pointed to the older band "Guys, this is Y/N, the drummer." She smiled, not sure if they were mad at her for the lateness "I'm so sorry for being late..."

Before Y/N could continue the tall drummer interrupted "Its okay hot stuff, we all lose the time track, don't we pals?" The other mans nodded their heads "I'm Tommy, the old man there is Mick, the blonde bitch right next is Vince guy and then we have Nikki." He pointed at them and they waved at her too "I know who you are..." Y/N said laughing a little at the adjectives Tommy gave for his band mates.

"Even better!" Vince winked at her making Y/N blush a little.

When they finished introducing, Y/N turned to her best friends and band mates who were already waiting in one of the sits "Hey girlfriend!" She exclaimed while hugging Ayla, who was Slash but in a female form. "Hello, my love..." They laughed at how they always said their hi's as a couple.

"You two date?" Nikki pointed at the two girls, they shook their heads and Ayla explained "For the press yes, they think we are a big orgy." She rolled her eyes and Y/N giggled at how her best friend hated the midia, like she did too of course, how sexist they were to say stuff like that just cuz they were fucking best friends?

Turning to the brunette and super tall bassist, more known as Blake " Heya, Y/n/N!" They hugged and saying hi lastly to their amazing blonde singer Sofia, who gave her a little kiss on her cheek "Where's Duff and Slash?" She asked sitting between Blake and Steven, who was more relaxed now that his bestie ( hehehe cute) was here safe and sound.

"Slash is passed out in one of the bunk beds and Duff is..." Suddenly Duff pop it out from the tiny bathroom interrupting Iz "Missed me sweetheart?" He asked giggling at her, who jumped and crashed him into a bear hug "Always, giraffe!" Besides him she looked like a smurf, not that she was normally tall, but with him it was like he turned everything into small ants.

"Now that everyone is settled, I wanna now what or who made our amazing friend late?" Axl said with his well known smile.

Y/N knew she could lie and make a false statement, that her car broke or something like this, but she was a terrible liar, so she decided to say the truth "Well, remember that my dad was working on a huge case and it was for a very famous person?" The girl's nodded indicating she could continue.

"What he does, kid?" Mick asked "He's a layer, actually both my parents are." Y/N answered gesturing with her hand and he nodded.

"When did you dye pink under your hair?" Steven asked as if nothing was happening, making Y/N giggle at Axl and the others impatient faces "Yesterday, Stevie.Needed a new look, don't you think?" He smiled and nodded at the girl "Continuing, happily the case was resolved and my dad's client won, so as a gratitude gift he gave my dad some tickets."

"Tickets? How this place into you being late?" Blake asked getting confused.

"Well, my dear friend, he happened to give backstage tickets to his show..." Everybody was paying attention to the girl and she was making even more mystery now.

"For gods sake woman, spit it out!" Everybody laughed when Tommy screamed at her, Y/N laughing too "It was tickets for Aerosmith, and the client happened to be Steven Tyler." Especially the girls were shocked, following the other men's reaction.

"You got fucking BACKSTAGE tickets for a fucking Aerosmith concert and didn't tell us???" Ayla jumped from her sit and started hitting Y/N with a jornal "Stop bitch! I didn't get! My father did, I just fucking went!" The boys were surprised that she wasn't that shy as she looked when she entered the bus.

"And now we have the true Y/N." Izzy laughed at the scene, but stoping as soon as Y/N gave him a mortal look "Just joking sweets, just joking!" She rolled her eyes and turned to their curly guitarist "If I could, obviously I would take you guys, especially you Lala." Ayla smiled at the sweet nickname.

"How it was it???" Sofia asked gripping and shaking Y/N arm.

Remembering last night Y/N smirked and put a hand in front of her mouth starting to giggle "STOP, you are doing the face when you get the D!" She laughed even harder at the bassist.

"You fucked Steven Tyler, Y/n/N?" Duff asked more curious then ever.

"NO, fucking hell!" She couldn't stop the giggles "I wish guys, but no..." Y/N shrugged "But the concert was fucking amazing, I thought I was going to have an orgasm right there." Everyone started to laugh "But the thing was after the gig, we were invited to the after party."

"You even went to the after party? Aren't you a luck bitch?" Nikki exclaimed receiving right after a push o his shoulder from Mick "Have some sense." Y/N shook her head with a smile "It's okay! Actually my dad is! I just came along with my bro's."

"And Mrs. Y/l/N?" Izzy asked "Nope, girl's night with her friends." Y/N shrugged and turned to Stevie, when he poked her arm "Yes, Stevie?"

Steven was the biggest fan of Aerosmith she knew. Y/N was sad that they didn't went together, but little did he know she was already planning the next time they were in the same city "Did you take photos with them?" He asked with a little smile.

Was clear that Y/N had an inexplicable connection with them, but nothing explained how much she loved Steven. Not in a romantic way, and not denying that sometimes she would do some naughty things with him, but they were best friends since high school. Y/N always saved him from fights and problems from school, sometimes when his mom would kick him out, her parents would let him stay with them, making him forever grateful for Y/N's huge heart.

"YES, how could I forget? They are in my bag pack, pick for me Ax?" He nodded and   picked the pinky glittery bag, yes she was on a rock band, but how could you not love glitter? "Why do you have so much stuff?? Look, why do you have so fucking much medicine?" Axl hold a little bag with some meds "Well, I'm the mom of the group, I need some back up. If I don't have all this, the next thing you know she's vomiting." Y/N pointed at Blake giving them a weird smile.

After some minutes Axl found Y/N book of polaroids, dropping to her lap, she started flipping the pages till the last page where the photos were "Here! Everybody come closer." All of them got around her, sitting in one of the tables in the bus, with Axl on her left and Tommy on her right "Okay this first one is from de beginning of the gig, then this is... me and the band in the back playing."

"Nice dress, Y/n/N." Sofia pointed at the photo with a smile "Thanks, Sofs. I think I got last summer." Y/N flipped the page showing more pics from the gig "Doesn't he look like a god?" Stevie said "He is a god, Stevie!" Tommy said picking the photo from Y/N making her stare at him "Sorry, just got excited" He laughed but gave back the photograph saying sorry.

She flipped again, now the photos from the after party "Didn't your old man got uncomfortable with all the booze and drugs?" Vince asked "Nah, he's used with rockstars. It's not the first time he provide services for a famous person..." Y/N shrugged "So you are rich rich?" Nikki asked, making Mick poke his arm again "You truly don't have sense, do you?"

The girls were trying their harder to not to laugh at how Tommy, Vince and Nikki looked like Mick children. "Well, you can say my folks are, i'm not. Yet..."

"Oh my god, look at this one! Isn't Joe Perry looking at your ass?" Blake screamed.

"Oh, yeah." Y/N smirked "You naughty little bitch, you slept with him, didn't you?" Ayla said laughing "Yes, of course with my father and my two brothers in the same place,I escaped and fucked him in the bathroom." She rolled her eyes at her best friend "This is me and Steven, then me and the whole band. Then Joe whispering in my ear for my number." She smiled at the memory, Y/N always had a crush on him and when this happened she almost died at the moment.

"Did you give?" Izzy asked sitting on Axl legs to have a better look at the photographs , making him grumble at the guitarist.

"Nope, but he did." She giggled like a teenager girl when her crush ask her out.

"Are you going to call him?" Duff asked "Maybe, dunno, he's like 37?" Y/N bite her nails thinking "What's the problem? He seems to be nice enough to not be a creepy." Blake words made Y/N think, maybe she should call him.

Before they could continue, the tour manager cleared his throat making everybody look at him "We are going to stop at a gas station, so you guys can eat, hydrate, piss, I don't know. But please don't destroy or rob something!" He said looking directly at the mötley boys, that only looked at each other and laugh "Of course Johnny, we have some girls to impress" Tommy said looking at the girls.

Blake did a sass face and looked them up and down, trying to control her giggles "Yeah, sure drummer boy, you wish." Ayla and Sofia laughed too, making him blush, who'd thought that bad boys would blush at some rock girls?

Y/N put the book back into her bag, picking some cash to buy some food and something to drink "Who's gonna wake Slash up?" Axl asked already in the bus door "I can go!" Y/N said, going to the only bunk bed that was with its curtain closed.

Opening it, she could see only his naked back and how his hair was everywhere "Hey, sleepy boy, wake up." She stroked his back receiving a pleased 'hmm', but still not moving "Slash, honey, we stopped so we all can eat something, you need to wake up."

"But it's so good right here" He turned and shook the hair of his face "You should join me..." Slash smirked at Y/N who only did a negative sign with her head and pushed his hands "Nops, get your ass up here or I will... I will cut your favorite leather pants!" He stared at her face thinking if she would do it. After solids two minutes he gave up and got out of the bed "You can be very nice, but you still are a little minx sometimes, i don't trust you with my babies..." He grumbled and crossed his arms "Don't be such a baby. I can cuddle with you when we get back! Or you are too macho man for that?"

Slash was a little behind her, so when she said that he ran a little and hugged her waist, nuzzling her neck "Baby girl, for you I have both sides..." Y/N laughed loudly, making some other people in the convenience store look at them "I already said for you to stop calling me that, people will think we have a thing!" She said poking his hands that were on her hips "People thinking you date me is that bad? He made a fake cry sound "If you weren't such a whore, I wouldn't care." Slash couldn't stop laughing at her statement "Not a lie, Y/n/N."

After some good 30 minutes they had found everything they needed and went to check out their stuff "24.60 dollars." The cashier said with a bored tone "I pay, add a pack of marlboro, please." Slash gave the cashier a 50 bill making Y/N complain "Hey, why you paying my stuff, dickhead?" He smiled "Always treating my lady the way she deserves..." Slash winked at her, making her roll her eyes.

Picking their plastic bags, the duo returned to the bus, and setting the drinks into de mini fridge "Everyone is here, right?" The manager asked and received 'yeah' and 'yes' from the guys "Okay, we can pull off!"

"I'm going to sleep again, you coming?" Slash asked Y/N "Yep, just let me put a hoodie." He nodded waiting beside her, talking with his band mates.

"We can go." She extended her hand to him who happily accepted "You two don't forget to use condoms!" Axl screamed and hit high five with Izzy.

"Don't fucking start." Y/N flipped him off and got into the bunk bed, Slash following her movements.

He laid behind her and hugged her waist "I don't know why you still pay attention to his comments..." Slash nuzzled his nose on her hair and neck "That's nice" She hummed at his actions, he gave little kisses to her skin in response "And, other thing, we all know he's jealous of me..." He said making her kick his leg "You are not the only one who cuddles me, curly boy." Slash pinched her hip " But i'm the best on bed..."

Well, with great friendships, great relationships come too. It's a not a lie that Y/N and the girls would have a little more than a friendship with de boys once in a while, but more exactly Y/N, she was the closest with the boys and sometimes they would have some escapades...

"Okay, Saul" Y/N giggled "Believe what you want." Slash hugged her even close and whispered to her ear "You can be sure, sweetheart." They giggled "Night, curly boy"

"Good Night, Y/n/N."

taglist: @harley-m-rose​ (if you want to be added, just send  a message or reblog with your request)

[julessworldd]

I love them Poly!Guns x reader

I seen where someone wanted more Poly!Guns, so you asked so you shall recieve. Who doesn’t love Poly!guns anyways.

Summary: The reader’s mom and sister show up unannounced, planning on taking the reader back home. Tabloids showed up her in her hometown, the family was worried about her in LA. I always wondered how Poly realtionships work when telling the parents, so here’s my take on it. 

Warnings: The boys being protective, silly with the reader. Cussing, arguing, implied smut. Think that’s all, sorry if I missed any

I moved to L.A. the day after graduation from high school, and had been saving money since I was 13. Living in a small town Colorado, where you’ve gone to school with the same kids since Elementary school, becoming a townie scared me. Since then, I’ve not talked to my family that much.  I met the boys one night after a show, Izzy bumped into me while walking down the strip. We all became friends and then our little thing started, we dated each other. It had been a thing for two almost three years now, I loved every minute of it, and loved my boys as well. 

Duff and I were making breakfast as slowly each boy came down, pissed that they had to start their day. “Did you open that one envelope? Looked like it was from home”, Duff asked. “I’m not sure how they found me. I’ve not gave them my new address”, I laid eggs on a plate. “Why don’t you talk to them anymore?”, Duff asked again. “Just don’t. I’m the black sheep of the family, babe. I never wanted to stay in Colorado,work on the family ranch or get pregnant with a shitty high school football player. They didn’t like it so I left after graduating.”, I said. “I’m glad you left”, Izzy passed by us. “I’m not saying I’m not glad she left, but it’s weird that the envelope has stayed on the counter, unopened”, Duff said. “Fine, I’ll open it after I eat and shower”, I groaned. I know Duff was only being nice, but I didn’t like hearing from my family.  There was knock on the door, “Come in”, I said, sliding into some black skinny jeans. “Hey”, Duff said, shutting the door behind him. “You’re really determined to have me open that aren’t you, baby”, I smirked. “Yes. It could be a death in the family and you wouldn't know it”, Duff stubbed up.  “Alright”, I slides my finger under the seal and opened the envelope. 

 Jacqueline Bennett

It was my mom’s name and my childhood home’s address. “What the hell do you want?”, I groaned.  The doorbell rung, “You expecting anyone?”, I asked Duff. He shook his head no. “Y/nn!”, Slash yelled. I dropped the letter on the dresser and headed downstairs. “Think it’s you with the visitor babe”, Duff said, following suit. “Who knows”, I said. I made it downstairs, in the living. I looked up, it was my mom and older sister, Kelly standing in front of the door. “Mom. Kelly. What are you doing here?”, I swallowed. “We came to bring you home”, My mom said. “No, you’re not. I have a life here and did you forget I’m 24”, I said, crossing my arms across my chest. 

The boys stayed silent, watching me and my mom go back and forth. Kelly was checking Izzy out. “I left for fucking reason and swore I would never move back. Leave mother!”, I ran upstairs, slamming my door. 

Izzy’s pov-

 Y/n’s mom and sister stood there in shock, tension was tight. I stood up from the couch, “I’ll go check on her” I reached her door, heard crying. “Y/n. It’s me, Iz”, I said. A little ‘come in’ was said, she was crying her eyes out before I walked in. “Hey baby. Wanna talk about it?”, I said, shutting the door, her back was turned to me. Y/n jerked up, “Why does she think I need to come back home? It’s hell there, Izzy. I’m overlooked there, they forget my name, if I’m sick or not. My siblings have families and have good careers, I have five siblings, I’m just the second middle kid. Please don’t let her take me back”, She cried. “We’re not gonna let her. You’re 24, you have your own life. Screw what your siblings have, you have us, friends, free travel when we’re on tour. They’re stuck in some hick town while you get to see the world, don’t worry about them. I’m not being mean, but they really don’t care. Just worried that you’re with five guys instead of one. It’s not their business how many people you date or have kids with, you’re an adult”, I said. Here lately every magazine has been exposing our relationship with each other. Y/n has been called a groupie, whore that can’t be satisfied by one guy. Guess it made it to Colorado.

Y/n calmed down and was sitting on my lap, brading a strand of my hair. “Think I’m gonna take them on the patio, I hate that you guys were stuck between it.”, Y/n said. “Okay, I’ll have Duff take them out. Give you a little more time”, I said, walking to the door. “Thanks. Hey Izzy?”, Y/n asked. “Yeah?”, I turned back at her. “I love you”, She smiled. “I love you too, princess”, I smirked. “Hey Duff”, I said, locking eyes with the tall blonde. “She okay?”, Duff started to worry. “Y/n asked if we could take her mom and sister to the patio. She wants to talk to them in private. Can you take them out there please?”, I asked. “Of course”, Duff said. I watched as Duff brought them through the kitchen and out to the patio. Y/n’s mom gave me the stank eye.  “Izzy, are they out there?”, Y/n asked. “Yeah. You gonna be okay?”, Duff answered. “I think so. I love you, Duffy”, She kissed his cheek. “I love you too, Princess”, Duff kissed her lips. We both watched her go out there. “We’re not letting them take her back”, Duff said. “Oh hell no!” Axl and I said at the same time. “She won’t go down without a fight”, Slash said. “Okay, lets quit being peeping toms”, Duff said. We all went downstairs.  

Y/n’s Pov

“Okay tell me how wrong I am being with them?, I sat down at the table. “Why are you with them? Do they pay you?”, My mom asked. “Because I love them very much, I feel safe and loved by my boys. No, I don’t get paid to have sex or whatever crazy ass thing you’re thinking”, I giggled. “Are you together or it’s a groupie thing?”, Kelly asked. “What’s a groupie?”, my mom asked. “Someone who has sex with a couple members of a band or the whole band. No strings attached, some have girlfriends or are even married. But when on the road, they get lonely and their girl isn’t there to you know?”, I said. “And Kelly, we’re together”, I said. “Okay, huh. What made you get into a relationship with them?”, Mom asked. “I don’t know, it just kinda happened. Nobody hasn’t spoken up and said they wanted out and to be with another person.”, I said, looking at her face. Confusion and disgust was all over her face. Kelly was from my time, understood what groupies were and sure she’s married but she was passed around the offensive line and the quarterback in high school. 

“What it is called? When you go out with multiple people, honey?”, My mom asked. “Polyamorous”, I sighed. “Poly what?” “Poly means multiple”, Kelly said.  “Right. Mom, I know this isn’t something you wanted to hear that your daughter is in love with five guys. I didn’t think I would either but life put it that way. I’m happy with them, they all make me smile in their own way. I get something different from each other. You don’t have to worry, this might to be anything any longer, but let me enjoy it while it’s still a thing”, I said holding her hand. “Guess, we didn’t see that way. You do glow more, I’m sorry for never realizing how unhappy you were back home. I love you so much, Y/n. Please keep in contact with us okay?”She smiled. “Okay, you two want to stay for lunch?”, I asked. “No, thank you sweetie. We’ve been here a week trying to find you. Our plane leaves in a few hours”, My mom stood up. “Sorry, you didn’t find me sooner”, I sighed. 

“Can you at least meet them? I’ve met half of their parents”, I smiled. “After our tiny argument?”, Mom asked. “They don’t care, come on”, I giggled. They were just spooked that their girlfriend was yelling at a random lady in the living room. I would be too, if their mom came in guns blazing.

“Boys. I want you to meet my mom, Jacqueline and my sister, Kelly. Sorry about earlier”, I said. They were at the table, Duff was digging something out of the fridge.  “This is Izzy, Slash, Axl, Steven, and who is gonna hit his head is Duff”, I pointed at each of them. “I am not! Son of a-”, Duff groaned, after hitting his head on the edge of the counter. Kelly giggled. “You didn’t bust it open this time, bonehead”, I rubbed his head, for any nics or blood. “I hated having staples in my head”, Duff raised up, rubbing his head. “I know you did, I hated them too”, I giggled. Duff had pulled me into his side and brushed a piece of hair out of my face. I caught my mom smiling at us. “Honey, I hate to leave but we have a plane to catch”, My mom said, tearing Duff and I apart. “Right. I’ll walk you out”, I said. “Axl, what are you doing?”, I asked as the red head followed us. “I have to get something out of my car, babe”, Axl smiled, grabbing my hips. “Not now”, I whispered, feeling his bulge poke my ass. “Not my fault you and your sister have ass”, Axl smirked, passing me to go to his car. “I’ll kill you”, I mouthed as I approached their rental car.  “It was nice seeing you, sis”, Kelly smiled. “You too. How are the kids?”, I asked. “Good, growing like a weed. Conor almost passes me”, Kelly said. “Wow, that means he towers me”, I giggled, thinking of my nephew. Kelly was 5’8, means Conor is at least 5’10, and I’m still 5’3. “Yeah. Annie starts 3rd grade next year, they miss their Auntie Y/n a lot”, Kelly gave a small smile. “Next time, if we’re close to home I’ll see what I can do to come see everyone. Tell everyone I love them.”, I said, pulling Kelly into a hug. “I love you, Kelly”, I whispered.  “Love you too, kid”, She tightened the hug. “Okay, my turn”, My mom whined.  “You’ve changed into a beautiful woman, Y/n. Your Dad would be so proud of how you’ve grown, he misses his buttercup a lot. Call him when you can, okay?”, My mom said. “I will, Momma. I love you and Dad”, I smiled. 

I watched them as they drove down to the neighbor, going to the airport. “You okay, Y/n?”, Steven asked. “Mhm, oh yeah. I’m good, Stevie”, I smiled. I walked over to Steven and smiled. “You forgot something?”, Steven smirked. “My good morning kiss”, Steven pouted. “Nobody got theirs, Stevie”,I giggled, leaning up to kiss his lips. Steven opened the door, there stood Izzy with his arms crossed,pout on his face. I pulled him down to kiss him, “There you, big baby. That better?” “Very much so”, Izzy grinned. I laughed, walking upstairs. Slash pulled me to his lips, “You’re off your routine girl” “Sorry Slashy”, I rubbed his cheek.  “Are you still gonna kill me?”, Axl asked, smirking. “No”, I kissed him. “Good girl”, Axl smirked, smacking my ass. Duff’s back was turned, I wrapped my arms from behind. “Hey Baby”, He said. “Hi. You wanna a kiss?”, I asked. “Mhm, I’ll take a makeout session instead”, I knew he was smirking.  “Put me on the counter and I’ll deliver”, I smirked as he picked me up. I kissed him. “Hey Y/n, is it weird I find your mom sorta hot?”, Axl yelled from upstairs. “Very! She’s bitcher than I am”, I yelled back, rolling my eyes. “I like your bitchyness, it’s hot”, Duff pulled me into  him more. “You’re fucking crazy”, I said. “That song is about you, you know?”, Izzy smirked. “Fuck you, Izzy”, I flipped him off before hopping down from Duff’s arms. “You did last night, hot lips”, Izzy said as he disappeared upstairs. 

[purifycantyouhelpme]

Blood Is On My Hands | Chapter 2 | Izzy Stradlin x Reader

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Word Count: 1248

Author's Note: I know that this chapter felt rushed, I’m sorry. The last chapter will be longer than this and I know that it has been a long time since I last made a fanfiction or in this case, make another chapter. I lost motivation and I’m still dealing with college. Now my motivation is back.

TW: Mentions of r4p3/non-con. If you're uncomfortable of that topic, don't read this

(Y/N)’s P.O.V

Steven sat right next to me on the couch, naked, heavily breathing from all of that thrusting he did to me. I was laying on my stomach, still naked, tears running down my face and heavily breathing from all of the pain I endured. My arms and upper part of my body is covered in bruises. Everytime I would tell him no or stop, he would hit me and I said no and stopped a lot. The TV was still playing in the background. “That really felt good.” He said as he put his ripped jeans back on. I slowly lifted my head up and looked at him. He looked at me and smiled at me. “Maybe if you would have let me have my way with you, you would have enjoyed it. It wouldn’t have hurt as much.” He told me. I bury my head back on the couch, crying again. Why would he do this to me? Why? Why would the person I love the most do this to me? I don’t understand. I slowly got off the couch. I grabbed my clothes that were on the floor and I walked to the bathroom. I was struggling to put my clothes on. I walked out of Steven’s house and immediately walked back to my home.

4:00 PM, At the grocery store, Izzy’s P.O.V

I was buying some food for dinner and some snacks. As I was walking to the frozen food section, I saw (Y/N) and Eva talking. (Y/N) looked scared and Eva looked like she did not want to be here. Why are they here? I was listening to their conversation from afar, slowly walking up to them. “Why did you want me to go grocery shopping with you?” Eva asked as she crossed her arms. (Y/N) kept on tapping her foot and her hands were behind her back. “I… no reason okay, Eva?” She chuckled a little. Eva was confused. “Whatever.” Eva said.

“You have been acting weird lately. Is everything–”

“Everything is fine, Eva.” She shouted nervously. She chuckled again. People were staring at her. Everything's not fine with her. We can all tell. “Hi (Y/N).” I placed my hand on her shoulder. When I touched her, she flinched. I forgot to not touch her. Recently, whenever someone touches her, she flinches. She turned around quickly and saw it was me. “Oh, i-it's just you, Izzy. Sorry.” She apologized. “(Y/N), what's been going on with you?” I was worried about her. Why is the love of my life acting like this? “It’s nothing really, Izzy.” She lied to me as she smiled at me. “(Y/N)..” I raised my voice a little at her. I looked at her and she looked so empty, so soulless, so paranoid. My love was a giant mess. “I guess I should tell you what has been happening with me. In private, of course.” She said softly. She held my hand and led the way. We’re holding hands… so romantic…

Me and (Y/N) walked out of the store and stood outside the entrance, to the corner. Her hands were in her pocket and I put my skateboard near me, on my foot, making sure no one steals it.

“A couple of weeks ago, Steve and I were at his house, just watching TV. I confessed my feelings to him.” She explained to me. I rolled my eyes in disgust but I’m not surprised at this point. We ended up making out for a b-bit…” Her voice started to crack as her head turned to the side. Oh, this isn’t good. She put her hand on her other arm. "And then h-he… he…" She was sniffling. “Damn bug!” She moved her sleeve up because a bug was crawling up on her arm. She slapped her arm to get the bug off of her arm. What I saw on her arm was shocking. There were bruises on her arms. Oh my god. They looked so dark. She looked at me, she looked so scared. Tears were about to come out of her eyes. She immediately pulled her sleeve back down. Before I could even say anything, she ran back inside the store. Steven… Steven did this to her. How could he? Steven, you are in grave danger.

At Steven’s house, 10:00 PM

I knocked on Steven’s door, tapping my foot because I’m impatient. Ugh, Steven. You don’t deserve to live anymore, you hurt (Y/N), my love, and I’m going to hurt you. Steve finally opened the door. He was shirtless, of course. “Hi S-Steven.” I said nervously. I put my hand behind my head. Come on Izzy, you’re at your “friend’s” house at 10 at night. Think of a stupid lie. “I just wanted to stay here for a bit. I need someone to talk to, I guess.” I said. Steven smiled at me said, “Sure.”

I sat on the couch next to him, drinking red wine while Steven watches TV. This TV show looks so boring. I looked at him and said, “So what have you been up to?” I grabbed the wine bottle and there’s no more wine left. I went to the kitchen to get another bottle of wine. “I had sex with (Y/N),” Steven told me. I almost dropped the wine bottle when I heard what he told me. “W-What did you just say? I couldnt hear you.” I said as I poured some wine in my wine glass. “I said I had sex with (Y/N). It felt good.” Steven sounded confident when he said that. It's so gross hearing that Steven, the guy I hate, had sex with that person he knows I’m in love with. He knows what he’s doing. I can see him from the kitchen and he has a smile on his face. He’s trying to get a reaction out of me and it's working. I just want to grab the wine bottle and smash him over the head so bad but I’m not. Remain calm, Izzy and act normal. “T-That’s great to hear. I don’t know why you t-told m-me”-- I grabbed a misen chef kitchen knife.

“You know what? The sex would have been better if she would have been cooperative.” He said jokily, he chuckled.

I was silent when he said that. He admits it. He admitted that he… hurted (Y/N). My fists were clenched, my teeth were grinding. Steven, why would you do this to her? Why would you hurt the person you love? She was in love with you, she trusted you and you decided to hurt

I love (Y/N) and I will never hurt her. You are a monster, Steven.

I walked over to the couch, I was behind Steven with a knife in my right hand while I was breathing heavily through my nose. “But it is what it is.” He chuckled. He felt no remorse for his actions or sympathy for what he did to (Y/N). b“You fucking bitch!” I yelled at him. I delivered a sharp stab to Steven's right temple after grabbing him by his hair, followed by another stab to his neck, causing him to die instantly. “He won’t hurt you anymore, (Y/N).” I said to myself. Blood was all over my hands and his couch. I have to clean up the mess or I’ll get caught.

[awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands]

We are married now! ( 2019! Slaxl)

A/N: Here’s the sequel to this oneshot about Slash proposing to Axl. Because let’s be honest, current Slaxl deserves love too!

1992

Slash was smoking a cigarette, absently looking in the distance. They finally had a break from shooting, so he sat on the stairs of the church, frustration and tiredness rising in his chest.

He was so annoyed by Axl’s perfectionism, and by the whole storyline of that freaking music video. They were a rock band, they came from the streets, they were supposed to represent that, not filming about a love story and a wedding in a church in the middle of a desert!

But what irritated Slash the most was that he had to marry her!  He had to stand to watch Axl and that girl kissing over and over, watching her walking down the aisle and seeing the smile on his singer’s face. Even if he didn’t want to admit it, he knew he was supposed to be the one looking at the redhead like that, he should have felt Axl’s lips on his, held his hand or call him his husband.

Slash was the one to deal with the other man’s mood swing, he was the one taking care of him when he couldn’t get out of the bed, he comforted him after a nightmare, or made him feel safe whenever they were in Indiana.

Usually he wasn’t bother by things, but all of that really was testing his calm. Because deep down, he knew he was in love with Axl.

He was in love with Axl fucking Rose!

“Can I have one?” His singer’s deep voice said, sitting next to him.

Slash handing him one, not even looking him in the eyes.

“Are you angry Slash?” The redhead asked.

“No, I’m not.” The guitarist answered with a neutral tone.

“Oh fuck you Saul, I know you! I can see when you’re angry.”

“Yes, I’m fucking annoyed, okay?! You know how I feel about music videos. Plus we are a rock band, born from the streets and we are shooting a video in a stupid church in the desert.” Slash didn’t sound pissed, just tired and indifferent, or at least he tried to look like that.

Axl took a drag from his cigarette, then he looked the curly man into the eyes.

“It’s not just about that. I know that you hate music videos but you never behaved like an angsty teen!”

Saul laughed dryly, moving his hair out of his face, so Axl could see him better.

“I hate her. I freaking hate that backstabber witch so much. But most of all I hate the fact that she has to be the bride, that she is the one to kiss you!” He admitted, biting his lip.

The redhead seemed surprised by his confession,  but happy at the same time.

“It is about you, do you know that? November Rain is about you, I wrote it thinking about you. Not about Stephanie or Erin or any other girl.”

Now it was Slash’s turn to look surprised and confused.

“Bullshit! Then why is she here? Why you look like a freaking puppy around her?” He replied, bitterly.

Axl took a big breath, clenching his fists. Slash thought he was about to hit him or scream, but the other talked in a quiet tone, surprisingly.

“If I could I’d let you be the one. Fuck… if I could I’d marry you! You know what? I’m going to marry you, one day I’m going to fucking take you to the aisle, Saul Hudson! You’ll be my husband.

Slash felt a warm sensation in his heart, however his thoughts quickly water it down. He knew that Axl was still scared, still ashamed of liking him, he knew how he was still tormented by his religious past. He would have never

his hand in public or kissed him, and certainly he would have never married him.

He didn’t matter how many times he could have said “I love you” after sex, it was not possible for them to be together. Did he even really love him? So he just laughed.

“Well I hope you can manage to do that before 2020!” He said sarcastically, stomping on his cigarette, then walking away.

But before he could, Axl grabbed his wrist.

“I know it’s not a real one, but that’s my promise!” He stated firmly, he took a ring from his pocket and put it on Slash’s finger, the one he used in the wedding scene.

The guitarist gave in and brushed his lips against Axl’s, but then he walked away with a sad smile.

A part of him really hoped, that the other keep his promise.

2019

Slash was playing with the same ring Axl gave him years ago. He kept it with him after all this time, even when they hated each other or so they have thought.

Usually he was hardly nervous, but today he felt on the edge, probably the fact that he was about to marry the man of his life didn’t help.  But it was so useless to get worried : Axl loved him, most of the fans were supportive and even his two kids, London and Cash, were more than happy to have also “Papa Axl” with them!

Duff was his best man, and like the old times, he seemed to know the exact moment he needed to comfort somebody. He got in the room, and put his hands on Slash’s shoulder, feeling the other man tension.

“What’s wrong buddy? And don’t lie to me, I know you too well!”

“What if everything will go wrong, after we get married? Slash answered, still playing with his ring.

“Why should that happen? You both wanted to get married, and even your kids agree!” Duff said, calmly.

“Maybe I can’t be in a marriage? I’ve been in two and everything went to shit!”

“Yeah but your last one lasted 20 years! The point is that you two always loved each other, you probably wanted to do this since the early days! I know your brain is making you think shit but that’s not the truth!” Duff said firmly. “ Now just breathe and think about all the sappy things you two can do, as soon as you become husbands.” He added with a smile.

“We both want that and he loves me, everything will be okay. God, I bet Axl is so chill about this, while I’m the one freaking out this time!” Saul said with a laugh, ready to drive to their wedding location.

---

Axl was totally not chill. He was pacing the room, he felt anxious and worried, biting his lips.

“C’mon Ax, you’re being unreasonable right now. He proposed you! How couldn’t he want to be your husband?!” Izzy stated, sounding a bit annoyed.

Yes, Axl asked Izzy Stradlin to be his best man. Time passed and they were on good terms, at least enough to make Izzy accept to do this.

“What if it doesn’t work out? Fuck we haven’t spoken to each other for decades! We’ve been together for only three and a half years, what if it is too early?” The redhead shoot back.

Izzy sighed, rubbing his temples. Axl may have changed but some things about him didn’t.

“Look at me! You love him and he loves you, he proposed to you because he wanted you as his husband. He talked about you all the time, he was such a pain in the ass and we both know how your man is, if he doesn’t want to do something he won’t do it first!” The black haired man said, holding Axl’s shoulders steadily.

“Are you sure?”

“Fuck, yes Axl I’m sure! He came all the time in my hotel rooms, drunk as fuck, talking about how you were an asshole but also perfect and how we wanted you so bad! Now stop freaking out or I’ll call Beta.” He smiled and the redhead relaxed a bit.

“ It’s better if we go, because I don’t want to show up late this time too! And also because if I show up late, Slash I’ll say I’m the bride!” Axl said with a laugh.

---

Axl didn’t arrive late, however Slash was already there.

He stopped a moment to look at the beautiful  garden where they choose to marry, surrounded by red roses bushes, who made everything cheesy as fuck, but Axl loved it nonetheless. It was simply but also eccentric, just like him and Slash.

Then his eyes were fixed on his soon-to-be husband talking to Duff :he looked so good with his wild curls and his half open shirt, a little smile on his face and the ring he gave him years ago around his neck. They decided to use a replica of that as their wedding rings, because the redhead was that sentimental!

Somebody had to say something about the groom being there, because Slash turned around and he spotted Axl, his mouth slightly open and his eyes full of joy.

“You look stunning, my love. I really dig this suit!” He said smiling widely, eyes full of love.

“ I was very tempted to put on the same suit I had on during “November Rain” but unfortunately it doesn’t fit me anymore.” The other man replied, blushing and with a sad smile.

He was very self-conscious about his appearance, considering that Slash was still so fit and sexy to him. However his boyfriend wouldn’t never let Axl’s insecurities eat the man he loved.

“I like you better this way and if I wasn’t about to get married, I’d ask your number!” He joked with a smirk.

“You’re the same idiot I fell in love with. And your ass is still as great as it was in the 80s!” Axl whispered the last part, making Slash hiding behind his hair for a split second.

“Maybe we should go, or post marriage sex will become pre marriage sex!” The curly man grabbed his hand and led his almost husband  to the justice of the peace.

There were not many people, just their closest friends ( including Steven you was more than happy to join) and families. It was strange for two rock stars to save such a modest wedding, but they didn’t care, they just wanted it to celebrate their love with the people who accepted them.

“We are here today to celebrate the union of Axl and Saul, two men who decided to consolidate their love through marriage. Now you shall say your votes.” The judge said.

Axl stared it, taking a deep breath.

“I don’t think many of you know this but I promise to Slash that we would be married. It was 1992 and we were filming November Rain, and he was upset because he loved me too much to see him with another person. Little did he know that I was also totally in love with him, and if I could I was ready  to marry him right on the spot, and actually I said it to him but he was very stubborn that day, so he left me standing in the desert. Now almost 30 years later, he asked me to get married, with the same song I dedicated to him. Saul Hudson, you’re the love of my life. I’ve never been so happy until we got reunited and you decided to stay, you show me what a happy life was, you loved me with all my flaws, you never judged me but you were always there to help me. Sure we did some very stupid things back then, but I’d want nothing more than just be your husband and be at your side, in health and sickness and all that bullshit! Because me and you can’t be apart even if we want to!”

The redhead was trying his best to not cry, and honestly Slash started to have some difficulties with that too. He looked at Axl’s beautiful eyes and smiled softly.

“I thought that I wanted to marry you when I saw your smile during our concert in Austin, but that’s not the truth. Maybe I’ve always wanted it, or maybe when I saw you in that pirate style jacket, my heart went “marry him” while my head was “ he kind of looks like a douche bag”, but still I’ve dreamt this day for a while. People always think that I’m the one who saved you, that I tamed the angry and crazy beast named Axl Rose, but that’s not true. Axl Rose saved me too, he showed me how it was wonderful to be loved, because I didn’t know what love or happiness really was, until I met him, and not a single drug in the world can give me what my boyfriend gives me! So yeah, I will love you too in health and sickness, even if you don’t like much my snakes!”

Slash tried to laugh but he really felt the emotions taking the best of him, especially when he laid his eyes on the crying redhead in front of him.

“You can exchange your rings!”

Saul took Axl’s hand in his, and gently he put the ring on, a simple one but full of meaning for them. The other man did the same, kissing his future partner in life.

“By the authority vested in me by the State of California, I pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss!” The judge said with a smile.

Slash’s lips softly smashed on Axl’s one, as all the crowd erupted in a round of applause. But for the both of them time seemed to stop, what mattered was only the feeling of their lips linked and their hearts joined.

“You’re my husband, you are really my husband!” The curly guitarist said smiling.

“Told you I’d make it before 2020. You didn’t believe me, but I could never let you go away from me. Maybe for 20 years you did, but now we are tied!” Axl joked, but then he got serious again. “ Thank you so much for being the love of my life, Saul Hudson.”

“Thank you for have let me be the one, Axl Rose.”

---

In the big ballroom where they would eat, cut the cake and do their first dance, friends and family were already sitting down, talking happily to each other.

The married couple finally arrived, and they find Steven, Izzy and Duff talking at their table. Beta and part of his family was there too, along with Slash’s kids, while the rest of the current band sat at a near table.

“Yeah man, he was a pain in the ass. He was constantly talking about him when he was drunk, always saying that he hated him but he couldn’t stop loving him!” Izzy explained to Duff.

“Yeah, well also Slash was like that. He would complain that he didn’t understand him, that  he was a fucking psycho but he loved him and he would make him go crazy, one day!” Duff replied, rolling his eyes.

“Hey, fuck you Duff, that was supposed to be a secret!” Slash shoot back, annoyed.

“No no, I want to know. I was always so oblivious until 91!” Steven said, very excited.

Axl laughed, then he felt somebody getting closer to him.

“You know at first I wanted to punch him in the face, but now I can see how much you love each other. But if he breaks your heart, I’m going to really hurt him!” Beta said firmly, and Axl couldn’t help but smile at her over the protectiveness of his adoptive mom.

---

The light were turned a bit down, and the familiar notes of “Love of my life” by Queen started playing.

Slash took Axl’s hand in his and led him in the center of the dance floor.

“Are you nervous, my love?” Saul asked, surprised.

“I think this is the first ever slow dance we two had together” He answered nervously.

“Wrong. ’88 in that weird hotel in Florida, we danced in your room listening to the radio.”

“ I was drunk and you were high and we fell on the floor before we could finish the song!”

Slash laughed and brought his husband closer to him, so that the redhead could rest his head on his shoulder.

“I know you love Queen and we like this song, but why you have chosen this one?” The guitarist was curious, he knew that November Rain was not their song to dance, it was for the more intimate and important moment, when they needed to tell the other how much they loved them, like he did during his proposal.

“Sweet Child O’Mine was not an option, one because you hate the riff and two because it was not about you. Like well maybe it was a bit about you, but still it was not our song, while this one used to be the one that would make me think about you all the time!” The singer confessed, playing with the other man’s curls.

Slash led him, even made him spin a bit, then he gulped and looked him into the eyes.

“When I thought I had four weeks left of living, I left you a letter at the bottom of your door. I begged Izzy to tell me where you lived and I left it there, I thought that I was dying and I wanted you to read the letter where I explained everything, but then the next morning I took it away.” Slash blurted out nervously, feeling vulnerable and exposed.

“I read it, I read it and I thought it was a joke, that it was not true. I cried and almost smashed something and put it outside. Then the next morning I read the news and I understand it was true, you were dying and that letter was yours, but it was already gone. Fuck we are such two idiots!” Axl laughed but he also started crying.

Slash quickly wiped his tears, hugging him tightly.

“Shhh don’t cry baby. It’s okay, it’s a happy day!” He soothed him.

“You could have been gone, and I was suck a prick. You could have died and I was too resentful to give you a proper goodbye! You loved me even if I was broken and I did that!” He cried.

“Shhh babe, I’m here and I’m not gone. And it’s okay, I was a prick too, but what matters is that we are together and married. You were not broken baby and you deserve my love!” Saul kissed him, feeling his eyes tearing up a bit, too.

It was a slow and passionate kiss, all their love, passion and insecurities were in it. They held it for a while, before they started noticing people coming to the dance floor.

“You two are so in love, it is almost sickening!” Duff stated with a laugh.

“Leave them alone Duffy, they are so cute!” Steven chimed in.

“Thank you so much for coming here guys, this mean a lot to me, to us.” Axl said, squeezing Slash’s hand.

“Don’t get all sappy on us, Rosie. But yeah we love you too, and I think you guys should cut the cake now.” Izzy observed, pushing them lightly.

---

When they finally arrived at their home, they were tired as hell much so much happy.

“Well, this is our wedding night…” Slash started, laying on the bed.

“And?” Axl knew exactly where his husband was going, but he wanted to tease him a bit. Also, he was trying to feel less insecure about his body.

“Oh c’mon Rosie, you know what happens on the first wedding night! And before you even think about it, you’re so fucking hot in that suit, that I feel almost bad to want to take it off. Almost.

The redhead smiled, and got on top of the guitarist.

“Let’s do something before you fall asleep, Mr.Rose!” Axl teased, taking off his shirt.

“But you have to promise that you’ll be quiet, Mr. Hudson!” Slash shoot back with a laugh.

Married life never felt better for both men.

[bobasheebaby]

Grey’s Anatomy Prompts

I’m going a tad stir crazy, so I decided to make a prompt list of 80 Grey’s quotes I love. This may have been done before but I don’t care. It’s mostly angsty prompts and it’s long as hell. (Break at 15)

1 “When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the boys, and all the bars, and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? Because I was done. You left me. You chose Addison. I’m all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.” —Meredith Grey

2 “Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy, but he is not the sun—you are.” —Cristina Yang

3 “Your choice, it’s simple: her or me? And I’m sure she’s really great. But I love you. In a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.” —Meredith Grey

4 “If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that it’ll cause problems. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there.” —Mark Sloan

5 “It always feels like there is just one person in this world to love. And then you find somebody else, and it just seems crazy that you were ever worried in the first place.” —Lexie Grey

6 “Don’t let fear keep you quiet. You have a voice, so use it. Speak up. Raise your hands. Shout your answers. Make yourself heard. Whatever it takes, just find your voice, and when you do, fill the damn silence.” —Meredith Grey

7 “Not everyone has to be happy all the time. That isn’t metal health. That’s crap.” —Meredith Grey

8 “Breakthroughs don’t happen because of the medicine. Real breakthroughs happen because someone is scared to death to stop trying.” —Derek Shepherd

9 “We don’t get unlimited chances to have the things that we want, and this I know. Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could have changed your life.” —Addison Montgomery

10 “And if you can't do it, if you aren't willing to keep looking for light in the darkest of places without stopping, even when it seems impossible, you will never succeed.” —Amelia Shepard

11 “Oh screw beautiful! I’m brilliant! If you want to appease me, compliment my brain.” — Christina Yang

12 “You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me.” — Derek Shepard

13 “The only time I don't feel like a ghost is when you look at me, because when you look at me, you see me. You see me. This is me.” — Owen Hunt

14 “It's good to be scared. It means you still have something to lose.” — Richard Webber

15 “You are my person. You will always be my person.” — Christina Yang

16 “It doesn't matter how tough we are. Trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up. But maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up.” — Alex Karev

17 “Please, don't chase me anymore, unless you're ready to catch me.” — Callie Torres

18 “Change … we don’t like it, we fear it. But we can’t stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind. It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn’t, is lying. But here’s the truth: Sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes, change is good. Sometimes, change is … everything.” — Meredith Grey

19 “Intimacy is a four letter syllable for- here’s my heart and soul, please grind them into a hamburger and enjoy. It’s both desired and feared. Difficult to live with, impossible to live without” -Meredith Grey

20 “You can have the worst crap in the world happen to you and you can get over it. All you gotta do is survive.” -Alex Karev

21 Walk tall. All you can do is be brave enough to get out there. You fought. You loved. You Lost. Walk tall.” -Mark Sloan

22 "Just because people do horrible things, it doesn't always mean they're horrible people."-Izzie Stevens

23 "I am woman. Hear me roar." - Miranda Bailey

24 "I love everything about you. Even the things I don't like, I love. And I want you with me. I love you and I think you love me too. Do you?" -Jackson Avery

25 “If you want crappy things to stop happening to you, stop accepting crap and demand something more.” -Cristina Yang

26 “You didn't love her! You just didn't want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was good for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn't love her, because you don't destroy the person that you love!” - Callie Torres

27 I am not an ugly duckling. I'm a swan."-April Kepner

28 “Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big 'pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window', unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.” - Meredith Grey

29 “I’ve had to give up things but what I’ve learned is that I don’t need much. I don’t need much to be happy.” -Arizona Robbins

30 “I need the day off. For drinking.” -Addison Montgomery

31 "It turns out sometimes you have to do the wrong thing. Sometimes you have to make a big mistake to figure out how to make things right. Mistakes are painful, but they're the only way to find out who we really are." -Denny Duquette

32 “In the beginning everyone is there, but then they forget.” - Amelia Shepherd

33 "Knowing is better than wondering. Waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying." -Meredith Grey

34 “You have to go back to the beginning to understand the end.” -Teddy Altman

35 “Yeah we’re friends…I mean right now I’d probably say you’re one of my best friends.”-George O’Malley

36 “I’m just gonna feel bad that I made it so you can never love again” -Jo Wilson

37 "The future is the home of our deepest fears and our wildest hopes." -Owen Hunt

38 “There’s a land called passive agressiva, and you’re their queen” -Derek Shepherd

39 “Let’s play a game of whose life sucks the most. I’ll win. I always win.” -Meredith Grey

40 “I take things personally. I get emotional.” -Lexie Grey

41 “Stop looking at my like that. Like you’ve seen me naked” -Meredith Grey

42 “Pretty good is not good enough, I want to be great.” -Cristina Yang

43 "Don't let fear keep you quiet. You have a voice so use it. Speak up. Raise your hands. Shout your answers. Make yourself heard. Whatever it takes, just find your voice, and when you do, fill the damn silence." - Meredith Grey

44 “Let’s just make-out on the couch.” -Nathan Riggs

45 "Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop." -Meredith Grey

46 “Deal with your jealousy. Deal with your shortcomings. Don’t put your crap on me.” -Stephanie Edwards

47 "I know I'm not a lot of things that you've gone for in the past - I know, but I would never leave you. I would never hurt you. And I will never stop loving you.." -George O’Malley

48 “Sometimes you have to be a shark.” -Lucy Fields

49 “Don’t look at me like that. Like I’m damaged goods. I’m still me. I’m still here.” -Adele Webber

50 "More tequila. More love. More anything. More is better." -Meredith Grey

51 "More tequila. More love. More anything. More is better." -Meredith Grey

52 "For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything." -Alex Karev

53 "You can't be an ass to me all day and then expect me to give you respect." - Lexie Grey

54 “Some days, the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, and probably, when you least expect it, the world gets right again.” -Meredith Grey

55 “Shut up. Dance it out.” -Cristina Yang

56 “We may only be together five minutes every two months, but when we do we will savor every second. We know how valuable those five minutes are.” -Ben Warren

57 “There comes a point when you have to suck it up and stop whining and start living” -Callie Torres

58 “Please don’t give up on me. Promise. Promise me you won’t.” -Arizona Robbins

59 “Bad things happen, but you have to move past it. Leave it behind. The sooner, the better. Or it’ll eat away at you and stop you from moving forward.” -Miranda Bailey

60 “This is the way the world changes. Good people, raising babies right” -Catherine Avery

61 “The problem is we are human. We want more than to just survive. We want to love.” -Lexie Grey

62 "There's a club. The Dead Dads/Moms/Parents Club. And you can't be in it until you're in it. You can try to understand, you can sympathize. But until you feel that loss... My dad/mom/parent’s died when I was AGE. NAME, I'm really sorry you had to join the club." -Cristina Yang

63 “I’m going to die because these people aren’t properly trained” -Derek Shepherd

64 “I believe if you were dead, the world would be a better place” -George O’Malley

65 “You think you broke me, NAME? You’re the one who put me back together.” -Mark Sloan

66 “I want so much for you. For both of us. So much more than this. More than being stuck with someone who feels stuck. I want you to feel free.” -Callie Torres

67 “Every kiss before the right kiss doesn’t count anyway” -Derek Shepherd

68 “The expected is what keeps us steady. It’s the unexpected that changes our lives forever.” -Meredith Grey

69 “Promise that you’ll love me, even when you hate me.” -Meredith Grey

70 "The problem is, fairytales don't come true. It's the nightmares that always seem to become the reality." -Meredith Grey

71 “How are you fine? How are you just completely fine? I am ruined, okay? I am dead, I am wrecked." -Cristina Yang

72 “I didn’t like teenage girls when I was a teenage girl.” -Cristina Yang

73 “So you fight. Until you can’t fight anymore.” -Amelia Shepherd

74 “Don’t analyze everything. Just do it.” -Alex Karev

75 “Some lies aren’t lies. They’re love.” -Meredith Grey

76 “That’s where love exists, in delusional fantasies.” -Meredith Grey

77 "Friends are the family we choose." -Meredith Grey

78 "Don't ever date a man who can't handle your power." - Meredith Grey

79 "It’s not hard. It’s painful but it’s not hard. You know what to do already. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be in this much pain." —Miranda Bailey

80 “You’re my heaven. But maybe ... maybe I’m your hell.” — Denny Dequette

[pagingevilspawn]

Loving You Is A Losing Game- chapter seven

i actually hate this, so ew. but i’ve forgotten that i write, so i’ll try to type some stuff up tomorrow! regardless, i hope everyone enjoys! click here to read on ao3. 

TW// domestic abuse

~*~

"small town boy in a big arcade. i got addicted to a losing game."

~*~

alexandra: you do realize how crazy that sounds right?

joseph: it's not crazy at all if you ask me.

alexandra: jo, asking for lollipops for your christmas present sounds very crazy to me.

and christmas isn't for like, a while.

joseph: dude, christmas is in two weeks and one day

and plus, i'm settling on lollipops. what i really want is a pony, a shiny, pretty one with rainbow hair, you know those? that's my dream right there

alexandra: oh crap really?

yeah yeah, ha ha. laughing so much right now.

joseph: hate to break it to you, but it's the 10th alex.

and i know, what a shame i wont be able to have my pony. it was at the top of my list this year

next to an ice cream sundae the size of manhattan, obviously.

alexandra: very funny. can't you tell how much i'm laughing.

crap, got to go, robbins is letting me in on an esophageal atresia on a newborn. i'm her favorite you know.

joseph: ugh, lucky.

make sure to kick ass and not kill anyone. that would suck. 

actually... your big head could use some ego deflating. make sure robbins has to save you halfway through. maybe then you'll earn some humility.  

alexandra: wow, you're such great help. so nice too.

joseph: you know it ;)

she turns off her phone, a small smile on her face as she looks out the window, passing by houses that all looked exactly alike; white exteriors with a bright green lawn. the only thing that could help someone tell them apart was the door colors. her and paul had just come back from a dinner with some of his coworkers, but he wasn't talking to her so she decided to text alex. the silence in the car was tense, though she was unable to grasp the reason why.

they'd been texting non-stop since the conference three weeks ago, talking about each other's days, complaining about annoying coworkers and classmates. they really enjoyed having a friend they could just talk to because they felt like it. it was refreshing. they'd never had anyone like that before. in the past they had friends that they felt comfortable around, but it was different when you had someone who understood you so well. not to mention, being able to make self deprecating jokes about their crappy childhoods and receive a laugh in response was so much nicer than the pity stares they were both so used to getting,

she snaps back to reality at the sound of the engine turning off, cutting the music as the expensive car door opens. she sees paul angrily walk out of the car, slamming the door behind him, not stopping by her side of the car to open the door for her like he normally did. (she was actually thankful for that. she was a grown women, she could open a damn door herself)

weird, she thinks, but decides not to question it. her husband had been a bit more moody and temperamental lately, so she supposed it was just that. but the dinner seemed to go really good in her opinion. she got along with his colleagues and paul certainly enjoyed himself, getting to be around all his coworkers and interact freely. she liked to think that his colleagues liked her as well. they complimented her all evening and included her in all of their conversations. though, she did wish that they would've referred to her by her name more, rather than 'mrs. stalder' or 'paul's wife.'

she gets out of the passenger side and shuts the door behind her, walking up to the steps after she hears that paul had locked the car. she places the small clutch she had on the entry table and walks to the kitchen, seeing paul sitting at the kitchen island, nothing in front of him except tea that he had heated up in the minute or so he'e been in there. she kisses his cheek and starts talking, knowing that it would probably help calm whatever he was feeling.

she gives him a smile, rubbing his shoulder affectionately. "it seemed like the dinner went really well, all of your coworkers are super nice and-"

"you talked to steven too much." he cuts her off, sending an icy glare her way, and look she had never seen on him before shining darkly in his eyes.

she cocks her head to the side, "huh?"

he stands up from his place abruptly, making her jump back slightly. "i said," he spits out, eyes narrowing as he stares her down "you talked to steven too much."

she lets out a loud laugh, thinking that he was just joking around and messing with her. at any second he was going to join her giggling, ignoring the way his eyes had only seemed to darken the second the sounds had escaped her mouth."oh, that's funny." she says in between laughs, eyes shining with childish glee. "jesus you really scared m-"

pain.

her words get cut off by a fist coming directly into contact with her face. she feels the stinging sensation burn from her eye to her cheek, her brown eyes watering with tears as she realizes what had just happened. she lifts a palm up to touch it protectively, almost making it seem like it was more real if she touched it.

oh god, it hurt. it hurt like hell. his gold wedding band adding to the impact was sure to leave a scar by the corner of her eye. she'd been punched before, multiple times actually by foster parents and girls while she was in high school, but this hurt so much more. it was so much harder than she'd ever been hit before.

her husband just hit her.

"oh brooke, baby." paul says, taking her into his arms and brushing her hair back immediately, trying to get her to relax into his embrace. "i just got so mad. you just made me so mad brooke. you can't make me mad like that" he tells her, eyes dripping with some kind of emotion she can't place as he places light kisses on top of her sea of brown curls, ignoring the way the way she stood stiffly in his arms, a few lone tears making it's way down her cheeks.  

"i love you. you know that brooke" he whispers, wiping the tears from her face, his hands feeling usually rough against her skin, his touch not easing over the bruise that hard already begun to form.

she nods. it was okay. he loved her. he didn't mean it. he just got angry. it was okay. it was fine. he loved her, it was okay.

she thought she probably deserved it. after all she'd cheated on her husband just three weeks before, and had continued to keep in contact with the man she had cheated with. it was only karma.  

"i'm sorry paul." she apologizes sincerely as he cups her face in his hands, giving her a sweet smile. it wasn't his fault. it was hers.  

"it just better not happen again." he states, eyes burning into hers intently, his grip on her face tightening without her even realizing it. all she really felt was numb, as if all of her senses had seemingly shut down to avoid dealing with the pain that was spreading throughout the side of her face.

she nods her head up and down as she pulls her back into him. "i'm sorry" she whispers into his chest.

he smiled.

and that's when he knew he had her.

____

alex finished scrubbing out of a surgery, shaking off the excess water on his hands, grinning internally. it was always so much better when he was able to help save a kid. the success was just that much more fulfilling. he's about to push the door open when it swings in itself, making him come face to face with cristina, the expression she was wearing was more worried looking than he'd seen in a long time. he'd known yang for a while know, and he knew whatever was about to come out of her mouth would be bad. cristina yang was never worried.

"what do you want yang?" he asks, noting how she had her hands crossed over her chest and was avoiding his gaze.

"there's a merger happening." she says, looking up to meet his eyes to let him know that she was serious.

his narrows his eyes, scrunching up his nose. "what?" he questions. a merger? as in, combing two hospitals into one?  

"you just missed the announcement. apparently we're merging with mercy west." the raven head repeats, a slight trace of fear in her voice, a very unusual thing for cristina yang.

he lets out a deep breath, tugging his scrub cap off and running a hand through his hair as he leans over the scrub sink, gripping it so tightly his knuckles begin to turn white. "i can't loose this job yang." he says to her softly, making her nod in agreement.

"you and me both." with that she walks out of the room, alex not far behind her, both of the surgeons heading up to the resident's lounge to change, which was filled to the brim with chatter, all of the doctors talking about the newest topic, the merger.

meredith sits down next to him, slipping a long sleeved purple shirt over her head when she casts a glance to alex, who was sitting still looking down at his phone's empty screen, seemingly deep in thought, almost as if he was waiting for something to magically appear on it.

the blonde nudges him, snapping him out of his trance. alex sighs, resting his elbows on his knees as he buries his head in his hands. "what am i gonna do about iz?" he asks her, judging by her face that she was drawing a blank, much like him.

jesus, this was great. these past few weeks he had hardy been able to look his wife in the eye, because every time he saw her he was reminded that he slept with someone else. not to mention, he was just texting that certain someone just a few hours ago. he was really screwed. izzie had currently been home on bedrest, not being allowed to return to work until two weeks from now, which apparently would also be when the mercy westers would turn up. fucking great. he felt as if the universe was rallying against him at this point, no matter how much he knew that wasn't possible. he dug his own grave, it was just a matter of time before he would need to lay in it.

"she'll be okay." meredith reassures him, but he can tell by the look on her face that she was unsure as well. who knew would end up getting cut? they would need to pull their heads out of their asses and prove that they deserved to stay. none of them could lose their spot. not only because of their job, but also because of the people there. they were a family. they couldn't lose any more of their family. they'd just lost george, and they couldn't lose another.

"evil spawn, put on a shirt!" cristina yells, balling up a shirt from his locker and throwing it at him, hitting him square in the chest as he glares at her. he pulls on the shirt silently and heads out, not bothering to say goodbye to anybody as he leaves the lounge and heads straight to joe's across the street.

he slides onto a barstool, ordering a beer and thanking the bartender with a slight nod of his head. how was he supposed to tell izzie about the merger? he knew that if his wife knew, she would want to return to work immediately, but he knew she couldn't do that. she was still getting her strength back, and standing around on her feet all day surely would delay the healing process. he couldn't risk her getting hurt because he wasn't able to stop her.

he'd done enough recently, even if izzie didn't know about most of it. the last thing he needed was to cause his wife more harm than he already had.

he was going to tell her, he knew that, just not right now. right now he was going to sit on this uncomfortable wooden bar stool and drink his beer and forget he had any problems. he was going to forget about the merger, he was going to forget about him and izzie going at it twenty-four seven, and he was definitely going to forget about the brunette with a fake name who seemed to be on his mind all the time.

he was just going to forget everything, his only focus being his beer and the football game on the small television above the bar. yeah, that sounded like a good idea. a really good idea.

____

okay, so he forgot about two out of those three things.

he was actually doing pretty good for a while, almost a full hour with nearly a beer and a half finished. all he had been focused on was the seahawks playing against the steelers, with the steelers crushing the seattle team thirty-four to seven. not much of a surprise though, he couldn't remember the last time he'd witnessed the seahawks win. it wasn't that they were a completely crap team, it was simply the fact that one; the steelers were much better this year, and two; he hardly ever got enough time to sit down and watch a game. being a resident drained the life out of him, especially since he had finally knew that he wanted to specialize in peds. when he wasn't at the hospital he was reading up new medical procedures in magazines, or occasionally sneaking over to meredith's to watch old ellis grey tapes.  

he was doing really... until he got a text message from jo.

joseph: how was your surgery?

alexandra: wow, you must be bored.

joseph: ...

what makes you say that?

alexandra: really?

joseph: i'm in med school, thank you very much. i have a severe interest in your surgeries. 

alexandra: mhm, sure.

joseph: fine, i'm bored. entertain me. please.

alexandra: that sounds vaguely dirty.

joseph: oh great. how drunk are you?

alexandra: what makes you say that?

haha, two can play that game.

joseph: i'm guessing two beers in?

alexandra: shut up, only one and a half.

joseph: mhm, wasn't too far off

but seriously. i'm bored and am in need of anything remotely interesting. you just scrubbed in on a super cool surgery, i want details

alexandra: fine, baby maria duboir, two weeks old, robbins let me lead the procedure about half way through, coded once, we then shocked her at 150, and now she is stable and in the NICU.

happy?

joseph: yes. very much so

although i do think your OR stories need work

you sound like you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about

alexandra

wow. you're a real delight you know that?

joseph: oh, believe me, i know. don't even get me started on how many times people have complimented how freaking amazing i am

it's quite a common occurrence.  

if i had a dollar for every time someone said that to me, i'd be living on my own private island

alexandra: i bet you would.

seriously though, tell me something. i've got nothing better to do than watch the seahawks get crushed.

joseph: i'm guessing that's sports talk, so i'm just gonna ignore that, since it hate any sport where men look like giant block of cheese, run around a court, or just run in general.

but today's been boring. went to a dinner tonight. fancy stuck-up rich people who laugh with posh accents and sip their champagne way too slowly

fucking turtles.

alexandra: sounds fun.

joseph: you suck. i can literally hear the sarcasm through the phone asshole

alexandra: that's the point. i'll take a sick kid over fancy dinner any day.

crap, that sounded really horrible didn't it?

joseph: it really did

"i'll take a sick kid over a fancy dinner any day" real charming if you ask me. night in shining amour.

alexandra

yeah yeah you know what i mean.

____

they're not sure how long they end up talking for, alex siting at joe's bar and jo lounging on the couch in her living room while her husband was in his study going over and grading tests for one of his classes. before either one of them even know it, it gets to be twelve thirty boston time and nine thirty in seattle. alex's texts had gotten much harder to read, which made sense, considering he was now on his third beer.

jo teased him about it though, finding it more enjoyable than she would've guessed to text a drunk alex than a sober one. he seemed to get increasingly flirtier the tipsier he got. not to mention, all the spelling mistakes he made was definitely one for the books. she had a feeling that it was getting a but harder for him to see which letters where which, considering a few b's were located where there should be d's, and 'm' where they should be an 'n'

alex knows for a fact he's earning many stares from fellow people at the bar because of how much he's laughing (loudly too), but he doesn't really care. if he's gonna laugh, he's gonna laugh. all he could really focus on was the fluorescent lights hanging from the bar's wood ceiling and the frankly hilarious texts coming through his phone. (okay, so they weren't that funny, but everything is always a lot more funny when you're drunk)

jo was thoroughly enjoying herself, laughing more and more as she sank into the couch, completely forgetting about the bruise on her left cheek as she typed away, grinning from ear to ear when the man on the other side responded, words misspelt and random numbers and semicolons popping up from time to time.

they knew that what they had done was wrong. they knew that what they were doing was wrong. but they couldn't stop.

if only they had stopped sooner.

[thejolexgroupchat]

the one where they met in med school - part five

Jo is going through something and Alex is going to figure out what it is

Check out our Master List for parts 1-4 as well as other jolex fics we've been working on!

———

(May 2007)

Seattle Grace is a disaster zone full of lovesick, horny patients and doctors. It’s like Alex cannot turn a corner without finding someone hooking up or getting hit on. At first, he thinks he’s imagining things because there’s no way that Doctor Montgomery is staring at him like he’s a fresh piece of meat and she’s a hungry lion. They see each other almost everyday as he helps Ava recover and everyday the woman stares him down like she wants to jump him.

And that’s another thing, he was pretty sure that Ava is trying to hit on him too. He knew he was good looking and that his rare soft side has been on full display lately, but for fuck’s sake even his patients? Ava  was easier to handle than Addison, but both women were giving him a run for his money.

“You know, I think she’s trying to get in your pants,” Ava’s voice startled him as he looked up from her chart, brows furrowing as he looked at her. “Doctor Montgomery. She keeps looking at you with those sex eyes, like if I wasn’t here she’d be all over you.”

Well at least he isn’t crazy… Alex heaved a sigh and closed the chart, meeting Ava’s eyes with a smirk, “She can stare all she wants, I am off the market and not interested in one of my superiors dragging me into a supply closet for a quick hookup.”

He could tell Ava was shocked. Who in this death trap isn’t by the fact that Doctor Evil Spawn is tied down? She paused for a moment before a laugh came out, eyes falling to her hands that lay over her swollen belly, “Figures, I knew you were too handsome to be single. Does she work here too? It seems like everyone in this hospital is screwing.”

“No she’s back in Boston, she’ll be here in a few weeks though,” just saying the words out loud makes Alex’s heart flutter. Both Jo and Lexie had been accepted to the next class of interns at Seattle Grace, meaning that as soon as they walked across the stage in June they’d be flying across the country to Seattle. “It’s been too damn long, we’ve been doing long distance for almost a year now.”

“A year? Do you see her ever? I’m sure you’re super busy here,” Ava seemed genuinely curious about Alex and Jo’s relationship, a refreshing take compared to his friends that only asked if he was getting laid or not.

“Yeah we’ve both been out to see each other a few times. I just went there in March actually. It’s not enough, though. It’s not the same,” his mind now occupied with thoughts of his girlfriend, Alex said goodbye to Ava and left her room. He wasn’t even through the doorway of an on-call room before he dialed Jo’s number and waited for her to answer. “Hey you, how’s your day?”

“Fine.”

The one word answer stopped Alex’s heart. Usually, Jo was more than ready to rant about classes or tell him something exciting that she saw on campus. Instead, her monotone voice and lack of words scared him.

So he did the only thing he could think of and decided to call Lexie. The phone went to voicemail twice before it was answered, “Alex what’s going? I’m at work.”

“What’s wrong princess? Bad day?”

“No it’s just been long,” Jo sighed, her voice seeming even further away. “I have a headache, that’s all.”

“I’m sorry babe, if it makes you feel better, one of my patients thinks that my boss is trying to screw me,” Alex’s voice was light hearted as he tried to cheer Jo up, but her frustrated sigh on the other end of the line told him that she didn’t find the situation amusing. “Look, I’m sorry. I thought it was a funny story but-”

“Hey, Lexie. I’m sorry, but is Jo okay?”

“What?” Lexie scrunched her face. “That’s why you’re calling me? I have to get back to the lab.”

“Don’t hang up! It’s just… I called her a few minutes ago and she was acting weird. She was giving me short answers and then she hung up on me. She sounded stressed and nervous. Not school stressed either. I’m worried,” Alex explained.

“I know you two have been together for years, but it still kind of freaks me out whenever I hear you talk like this… Now that you mention it though, Jo has been acting off. Normally she’s really chatty in the evenings, but lately she’s been distracted.”

"Did something happen?" Alex asked.

"Not that I know of… should I get off work early and go check on her?"

"No, it's fine. I'll take care of it. Thanks Lexie," Alex hung up the phone and decided to look for Bailey.

“I gotta go, I’ll call you later,” the line went dead before Alex could say anything else, leaving him to stare down at the phone in his hands in shock. No matter how angry or upset his girlfriend has been she’d never hung up on him like that, not even during their big blowout fight a few weeks before.

After a few minutes of running around the hospital, he finally found Bailey sitting behind the nursing station giving Izzie some instructions about a patient's post-op care, "Dr. Bailey can I speak with you for a moment?"

"Say what you need to say, Karev. Stevens and I are very busy today. I don't have time to waste," Bailey replied without looking up from her charts.

Alex looked up at Izzie who just shrugged and motioned for him to speak, "I need the rest of the day off, the next few days actually."

Bailey looked up from the chart she was writing in, an unimpressed expression on her face, "Excuse me?"

"I know we're swamped and I'm on Ava's case, but I really just need a couple days. There's been a family emergency and I need to catch the next flight to Boston," Alex looked at Bailey expectantly.

"Is everything okay?" Izzie asked, concerned.

"I don't know. I couldn't really get a lot of information over the phone, but I need to get to Boston as soon as possible. Please," Alex waited for a couple seconds for Dr. Bailey's response.

"You are lucky I like you," Bailey mumbled. "Go Karev, get out of here. You have three days. Call me if it's really bad and you need more."

Alex nodded in thanks and ran to the locker room to collect his things. By the time he arrived at the airport, an hour had passed since he left the hospital. He ran up to the ticket counter and asked for the next flight to Boston. It was pricey, but the plane would leave in an hour, meaning Alex had to be quick if he wanted to make it in time for boarding.

The rest of the time in between him getting to Boston was a blur. When his plane touched down, it was midnight on the east coast. He called a cab and hopped in, giving them Jo’s address. It was 12:37am when he finally arrived. Alex walked up the steps to the apartment and knocked on the door. There was a shuffling on the inside before the door opened.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Jo’s eyes widened as she opened the door. She looked like shit, her eyes were red and puffy and she was dressed in one of Alex’s dark blue flannels and some pajama shorts.

“I was worried about you, you didn’t sound okay when I called,” Alex watched Jo’s bottom lip tremble as she held back tears, his hands coming up to hold her shoulders as she looked up at her. “Jo, what’s wrong?”

Jo tried to open her mouth to say something, but no words came out. Instead a sob broke from her throat, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks as Alex pulled her into his embrace. His hands rubbed her back slowly as he attempted to quiet her sobs.

“Jo what’re you- Alex? What the hell,” Alex looked up and met Lexie’s eyes behind Jo, hers softening as she glanced at her friend who was still crying. “She wouldn’t tell me anything, she’s been crying on and off since I got home.”

“Come on babe, let’s get you to bed,” Alex pulled back from Jo just long enough to hook his arms under her legs so he could carry her to her bedroom. She made no protests as she nuzzled further into Alex’s chest, her silence throwing him off as they settled into bed together. “I’ll be here in the morning, you just sleep.”

Jo’s sobs had turned into sniffles as she pressed her face into the crook of Alex’s neck. She was never a big cuddler when they would sleep together, most of the time Alex would be fighting her for room on the mattress as she starfished across it. That’s how Alex could tell something wasn’t right, the way that Jo was curled up into a ball pressed as close to him as possible told him everything he needed to know.

Somewhere around 3am, Alex felt Jo poke him in the side. He opened his eyes and looked at the face of the woman he loved only to find her usual joyful demeanor replaced with one of fear. He watched as Jo took a deep breath, “We need to go to the store.”

“The store? For what? Jo, it’s three in the morning. Is anything even open right now?” Alex furrowed his brow.

“There’s a twenty-four hour CVS a couple blocks away,” Jo lifted her head from its place on Alex’s chest and moved to get out of bed. “I just really need to get something from the store.”

“Jo, the store can wait. We can go in a few hours,” Alex tried reasoning with her.

“It can’t wait!” Jo exclaimed as tears began to trickle down her face again. “It can’t wait Alex. We need to go right now.”

“Okay, we’ll go now. Just calm down for me,” Alex placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “I’m going to get dressed. Give me two minutes.”

By the time they arrived at CVS, it was 3:23am. Alex made a move to exit the car when Jo placed a hand on his arm, “No! Stay here. I’ll go alone.”

“What? No, Jo it’s three in the morning. I’m not letting you go into the store alone,” Alex protested.

“There’s nobody here. I will be fine,” Jo opened the car door. “Besides, I know how to take care of myself. I’ll be back in five minutes.”

Alex was extremely confused. He had no idea what the hell was wrong with his girlfriend, but he knew it wasn’t good. In the years he’d known her, Alex had never seen her like this. He tried racking his brain for any possible thing that could’ve led her to acting like this but he came up blank.

Jo entered the car with a plastic bag in her hands, breaking him from his thoughts. He looked over at her, “You good?”

“Yeah,” Jo’s voice and face despondent. “Just drive the car.”

“Okay…”

As they walked back into her apartment, Alex gave Jo a worried look. She’d been silent the entire car ride and Alex basically had to drag her up the stairs to the apartment. He sighed, “Jo, come on. It’s been hours since I got here and you still haven’t told me anything. I left the hospital early and asked for the next three days off because I know you are not okay. I know something is wrong and I’m worried about you. Please, I love you. I am here. Let me help you.”

Wiping a couple stray tears from her face, Jo pulled Alex into the bathroom and locked the door. She handed him the bag containing what she’d just purchased from CVS.

Alex’s eyes widened as he removed what was inside the bag, “Holy shit.”

“Yeah,” Jo swallowed nervously. She leaned against the sink and closed her eyes. “Now you know why I’m acting so weird… I’m freaking out here, Alex.”

Alex looked from the unopened pregnancy test box in his hand back to Jo, “It’s okay. Everything is going to be fine Jo. You’re going to take the test and I’m going to be right here the entire time. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what this test says.”

“Can you just… go in the hallway while I pee,” Jo’s voice was quiet and far away as she looked up at Alex. Their eyes met and they both took in the same expression of fear that the other wore.

Alex nodded and left the bathroom, sliding down the wall of the hallway as he waited for what seemed to be forever for Jo to finish. His mind was racing, heart hammering in his chest as he played the last two months over in his head. If Jo was… it had to have happened when he came out in March. They’d been careful, they were always careful, but the trip had been short and sweet and they’d spent most of their time in bed.

“It says wait three minutes,” Alex is startled out of his train of thought by Jo’s voice, her figure now standing in front of him with a solemn expression. She had thrown on one of his Iowa State sweatshirts in her haste to get out the door, the fabric hanging loosely off her body as she sat on the ground and dragged herself into Alex’s waiting arms. “I’m scared, Alex.”

“Hey if it is positive you’re already heading to Seattle in a few weeks anyways. We can work it out,” Alex brushed his fingers through Jo’s hair as he pulled her close, his lips pressing into her forehead. “I love you, no matter what happens I’m always gonna love you.”

Jo nodded her head, but didn’t speak anymore. Alex felt terrible, she’d probably been carrying this around for a few days by herself while he was clueless on the other side of the country. The past year had been hell on earth for him, but he took a little comfort in the fact that in just a few short weeks they’d be waking up next to each other again.

“I’m late, like stupid late, and I haven’t been able to keep food down all week,” Jo’s voice was muffled as she pressed herself further in Alex’s chest, his fingers rubbing against her back in slow circles as her breathing became more erratic. “I’m so freaking stupid, I can’t believe this. I’m so dumb.”

Brows furrowed, Alex looked down at his girlfriend in worry. He’d never seen her this upset about something, leading him to believe that an unexpected pregnancy wasn’t the only thing clouding her mind at the moment, “You’re not stupid, I was there too. If anything I’m the stupid one.”

Jo sniffled, one hand coming up to wipe at her cheeks as she met Alex’s gaze. He’d never seen her so devoid of emotion, her face blank as she blinked up at him, “I’m ruining your life. I should’ve just let you go to Seattle without being tied to me because now you’re gonna be stuck with me and all this shit. You don’t deserve any of this.”

Alex’s face softened, his hands coming up to cradle Jo’s face tenderly. She was sitting here waiting for the results of a pregnancy test and she was worried about him instead of herself.

“Babe, you didn’t ruin anything, you never could. I’m not here because you’re forcing me to, I’m here because I want to be and because I love you,” brushing back her hair, Alex leaned his forehead against Jo’s. “No matter what happens, nothings going to change how I feel about you. Okay?”

“Can… Can you go look? Please.”

Rising from the floor, Alex walked into the bathroom and stared down at the three tests laying across the counter. Hands braced on the countertop, he let out a sigh as he looked back to Jo.

“Negative. All three are negative.”

Jo released the breath she had been holding, “Oh thank God… okay… okay.”

Alex stood silent for a moment and watched as Jo allowed a few tears to slide down her face. He crouched down next to her, one of the tests in his hands, “See. They’re negative. You’re probably just stressed about finals. It’s all good, we’re okay.”

“I’m relieved that it’s negative. I really am. We can’t handle this right now,” Jo spoke after a couple moments of silence. She looked up at Alex, eyes shining with unshed tears. “But… Is it wrong that I’m a little disappointed, though?”

Alex raised his eyebrows in surprise at her words. He and Jo never really talked about kids. It wasn’t something that was on either one of their radars. They were content with just the two of them. Alex had always assumed that he and Jo would be together until one or both of them died from old age. He didn’t need anything other than to have her by his side.

On top of all that, he didn’t think Jo wanted kids. Neither of them had very good upbringings, but Jo definitely had it worse than he did. Even though she’d never verbalized it, he knew she was afraid of being a bad mom to their hypothetical child. He supposed it was similar to the fear he had about being a horrible father, given his own history with crappy dads.

Alex's mouth twitched slightly, "It's not wrong. There's nothing wrong with feeling disappointed."

"I know, but we've never talked about it," Jo shrugged one shoulder. "I didn't even know I wanted it until just now. I've never thought about it. I've always assumed that I'd never find someone who'd want to do that with me."

That's when Alex understood. Even after three years, Jo still expected that one day he'd leave her. She thought that one day, he'd find someone better—as if that person existed—and she'd be alone. Jo didn't understand the concept of forever, she'd never had anyone stick around. It was a bit of a wake up call for him. Alex realized that he'd never been clear with his intentions.

“I guess this is my fault,” Alex rubbed the back of his neck and took a deep breath. “I’ve never said my intentions out loud because I thought they were all so obvious. I didn’t think they needed to be vocalized, but I’m not going anywhere. This ‘someone who would want to do that with you’ you thought you’d never find is me, Jo. I want it all with you. You are my home, and I never wanna go anywhere without you, do you hear me?”

Alex lifted Jo’s chin to make sure she was looking into his eyes. He noticed hers were full of tears and knew it was probably because nobody had ever said that to her before. Pulling her closer, he placed a kiss on her head, “And you don’t need to feel guilty about being disappointed.”

He moved his head so their foreheads touched, “Someday, when the right time comes, we’re gonna have a family to call our own. Until then, it’ll be just us, but we won’t need anybody else. We’re the only family we need, right? You and me,” Alex smiled, earning a smile and a chuckle from her. “We’re gonna have it all, Jo” he said.

“Someday,” Jo looked at him from the corner of her eyes with a shy smile.

Alex pulled her into a meaningful kiss, “Someday.”