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princessamericachavez · 6 years ago

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FJORD’S PLAYLIST

Welcome to my overthinking where I literally meta over meta. Because what else am I supposed to do when Travis gives me such a good Fjord playlist to freak out over.

So, y’know, meta under the cut. Here we go:

1. Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea by Missio

Panic. Confusion. The cold, dark and salty depths with no end in sight. And then light — but, how? Fjord shouldn’t be here. What is he forgetting? No time to ponder or fight something that seems to have a plan of its own.

I FEEL LIKE FJORD’S DROWNING WAS WAAAAY MORE TRAUMATIC THAN WE AS A FANDOM ACKNOWLEDGE, OKAY?

Like, way way waaaaay more horrifying than just “I passed out and woke up in the beach with cool new powers” and more “I think I literally died.”

The berth surrounding my body crushing every bit of bone The salt, it seeps in through the pores of my open skin I wait on you inside the bottom of the deep blue sea I wait on you inside the bottom of the deep blue

Fjord shouldn’t be here. How many times do you think he’s thought that? Not only the fact that he should, by all accounts, be dead, but that out of his whole crew why would he get to live while everyone else is lost and gone.

Fjord has some fucking deep survivor’s guilt, y’all. I’m telling you.

2. The Funeral by Band of Horses

Things seem the same – but where is Vandran? Who will guide Fjord now? One thing is for sure, the Fjord he was before is dead and gone. Bury the pain and live on.

AGAIN, I FEEL LIKE WE AS A FANDOM DON’T ACKNOWLEDGE ENOUGH HOW FREAKING LOST FJORD IS WITHOUT VANDRAN. (i will never get used to that freaking spelling but I guess it’s the official so fine)

He was Fjord’s mentor, father figure and overall savior. He’s the person who made the difference in his life, who pulled him out of what seems like hell and gave him a purpose and sense of self. Losing that is no small deal, and I think a lot of his actions in the past several episodes have been guided by that pain and that need to find out at least what happened to him and who this man was before they met.

To the outside the dead leaves, they're on the lawn Before they died, had trees to hang their hope

He didn’t even get to give Vandran a proper funeral or goodbye, y’all.

Fjord’s whole arc is just one last desperate attempt to connect to Vandran, to feel like he maybe hasn’t lost him entirely (probably the reason Jester keeps bringing him up, too; she knows Fjord the best and probably understand that urge is what’s driving him).

3. Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi

Time to go. Keep moving and don’t look back. Fjord’s only known two lives — one he loved and valued, the other he detested and wishes he could forget. Only by moving north and away from this city will Fjord be able to start fresh. Now to disappear… ya’ll.

Time to go. Keep moving and don’t look back. I’ve said this before, and I will say it again: Fjord is a survivor. He’s gotten this far by not giving up, by doing whatever it takes to survive, and he’s not about to stop and give up now.

He’s lost everything he ever had, good and bad, he’s lost the little sense of stability he grew to cherish, and all he has now is the drive to start again. To not give up.

It's all the same, only the names will change Everyday, it seems we're wastin' away Another place where the faces are so cold I drive all night just to get back home

He’s never been anyone, anyway, never had a family, a last name, property... all he has is himself and his resolve to keep going.

4. The Sound of Silence by Disturbed

Love me some Disturbed, and this rendition builds like one of Fjord’s dreams. Terrifying and incredible visions flood his mind, and his confusion is only matched by the sometime physical manifestations that accompany his dreams. Can’t help but think of Caleb’s memories at the same time.

WOAH TRAVIS.

I feel so bad because Fjord seems to really be terrified of whatever is happening to him, even when some of it might be incredible and peak his curiosity, it feels like he’s just freak out.

Also interesting to feel like maybe Fjord finds a ghost of that darkness in Caleb, perhaps what drives him to confide in him, or trust him to stop the darkness if Fjord loses his way.

Hello darkness, my old friend I've come to talk with you again Because a vision softly creeping Left its seeds while I was sleeping And the vision that was planted in my brain Still remains Within the sound of silence

“Left its seed while I was sleeping” is such an on-point way to put the way Fjord is shaken by this visions, mulling over them when he wakes, trying to figure them out. After every dream, you can see his stance shift slightly as he tries to adapt to whatever new knowledge he acquired.

5. How Far I’ll Go by Auliʻi Cravalho

Let’s be honest – this is totally Fjord. Plus, you bitches were kidding yourself if you thought some musical numbers weren’t going in this playlist. Also, Disney.

FJORD IS A DISNEY PRINCE CONFIRMED.

Travis is a dork, also confirmed.

For real, though, I feel like this song captures Fjord’s excitement with his new life. He’s constantly pushing to see how far he can take his powers. For the first time, he probably feels there’s a chance that he will be someone, that he will “go to distance” (sorry not sorry). The world is no longer an island for Fjord, it extends beyond the horizon and he’s hungry (also not sorry) to see and experience it all.

Every turn I take, every trail I track Every path I make, every road leads back To the place I know, where I can not go, where I long to be

See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me And no one knows, how far it goes If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me One day I'll know, if I go there's just no telling how far I'll go

Also, for the first time in the list, this song is so full of hope for big and good things. I’m all here for this. LET FJORD ENJOY HIS NEW LIFE AFTER A LIFE TIME OF SUFFERING AND LOSS. PLEASE.

6. Heathens by Twenty One Pilots

We’re going to get each other killed. Who’s in charge of this ragtag bunch of misfits and criminals? And if no one is in charge, does anyone know what we’re doing? Pretty sure the answer is “no.” One thing is for sure, it’s best for the common stranger to mind their manners when addressing The Mighty Nein. Unless it’s a kind word, best keep your thoughts to yourself and move along, amigo.

I laughed so damn hard when I read this because that’s such an ON POINT definition of the M9.

Group of Heathens? Check. Gonna get each other killed? Check. Who tf is in charge? Check.

However, it also shed light in the idea that the M9 are dangerous and better not be crossed. It almost sounds like Fjord enjoys that. Can you blame him, after being through hell? To have a group of people where he feels like he has some power, that he can earn respect, that he can defend himself and those he loves? Unless it’s a kind word, best keep your thoughts to yourself and move along, amigo.

Welcome to the room of people Who have rooms of people that they loved one day Docked away Just because we check the guns at the door Doesn't mean our brains will change from hand grenades You're lovin' on the psychopath sitting next to you You're lovin' on the murderer sitting next to you You'll think, "How'd I get here, sitting next to you?" But after all I've said, please don't forget

All my friends are heathens, take it slow Wait for them to ask you who you know Please don't make any sudden moves You don't know the half of the abuse

YOU DON’T KNOW THE HALF OF THE ABUSE.

There’s a very strong sense in this song of “even if the world is against us we look after each other” and I love that mindset for this little group of disasters.

7. Overburdened by Disturbed

The weight of Fjord’s responsibilities weigh on him constantly. New powers, new mission, new friends, new crew. The last time he felt this comfortable, everything was ripped away from him — violently. He feels like the waves may be breaking over his head, and struggling to catch his breath he must keep a calm demeanor and steady hand — and push on.

We all know Fjord has been in over his head but it’s nice to see Travis put it so clearly. I think it’s also interesting to be reminded that most of Fjord’s calm and in control demeanor is just a front to hide his doubts and fears. The best example for that? The whole thing with Avantika and how some of the M9 (and the fandom) feared some of that was for real when his goal has always EXPLICITLY been to protect his friends.

Hell is still overburdened I must stand and wait in line Hell is still overburdened How have I been so determined maligned?

There’s the closing of the curtain In the play that was my life Countless chapter’s left unopened, tragedies inside I was fighting for a reason Holy blessed homicide Seems I have committed treason All I’ve sacrificed

In the end, though, he walks a thin line and falling over to the wrong side is all too easy.

8. Pray For Me by The Weekend, Kendrick Lamar

How dope was the Black Panther soundtrack? Fjord feels strange and exciting powers surging within him, and as much as he wants to push the envelope of what he’s capable of, he must rely on those he’s closest with to check him, to keep him grounded — or he might lose more than just his sense of self.

That’s such a good way of putting it. If Fjord dares push for this powers and chase his curiosities at all, it’s probably bevause he’s counting on the M9 to tell him when he goes too far.

I’m always ready for a war again Go down that road again It’s all the same I’m always ready to take a life again You know I’ll ride again It’s all the same (ooh, ooh, ooh) Tell me who’s gon’ save me from myself When this life is all I know Tell me who’s gon’ save me from this hell Without you, I’m all alone

I just really love the idea that Fjord is willing to go as far as it takes to survive, to neverbbe powerless again, to protect himself. That he is always ready to do what it takes… And that’s what he needs true saving from. Himself.

When Travis talks about Fjord losing more than his sense of self, I suspect he means his new friends. He’s afraid to lose their trust, and that might just be the thing that keeps him from risking too much. It does well to have something to lose, something worth protecting even over our own desires.

Without you, I’m all alone.

9.Sunflower by Post Malone & Swae Lee

It’s easy to let all of life’s shit get you down — and sometimes, you need only look as close as your friends. Watching Jester move through life with boundless exuberance is contagious.

YOU KNOW I’M GONNA MAKE A WHOLE ASS POST ABOUT THIS PARTICULAR SONG RIGHT?

So I’m not gonna go too hard om the shipper feels right now. Not too much, anyway.

Just let me get emotional about Jester being Fjord’s literal beacon of light in all this darkness, in him being pulled along with her happiness and shenanigans, loving her pranks and silliness… As much as Fjord got a sense of self amd belonging with Vandran and his crew, did he ever have a true friend that could lift his spirits like this before?

Every time I’m leavin’ on ya You don’t make it easy, no, no Wish I could be there for ya Give me a reason to go Every time I’m walkin’ out I can hear you tellin’ me to turn around Fightin’ for my trust and you won’t back down Even if we gotta risk it all right now, oh

I think this is so important, both in light of what we mentioned earlier and in Fjord’s current arc. Jester constantly pulling him back in when he goes too far, not giving up on him, making him wish he was better and that he could protect her too.

They look after each other.

I’m fine.

ALSO JUST LET ME SCREAM ABOUT TRAVIS ADDING A WHOLE SONG JUST FOR JESTER FOR A WHOLE MINUTE BECAUSE I’M FEELING SO BLESSED AND VALIDATED. SHE IS SO DAMN IMPORTANT TO HIM.

10.Unsteady (Elrich Lee Gravity Remix) by X Ambassadors

A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. And looking around at the people that now surround him, Fjord feels like they are building an increasingly strong chain.

Listen, Fjord my boy is already so attached and dependent of his friends and feels so much stronger and steadier thanks to them after a lifetime of fear and rejection. I’m so emotional.

Mama, come here Approach, appear Daddy, I’m alone ‘Cause this house don’t feel like home If you love me, don’t let go If you love me, don’t let go Hold Hold on Hold on to me 'Cause I’m a little unsteady A little unsteady

DON’T YOU DARE LET GO OF HIM YOU GUYS HE NEEDS YOU SO MUCH.

11. Ocean (feat. Khalid) by Martin Garrix

Feeling cautiously optimistic about his future, he finds himself in awe of his adventuring crew. That’s a new emotion and outlook for him, and he feels truly bound and responsible for these crazy people.

THIS IS A LOVE SONG TO THE M9.

THAT’S IT.

HE LOVES THIS CREW SO MUCH. HE’S REALLY TRYING TO DO HIS BEST BY THEM.

I will physically fight anyone who dares doubt of this good boy again. He’s been alone his whole life. He finally found a family and he will do anything for them. They are the best thing that has ever happened to him.

If we’re caught in a wave, I will carry you over It don’t matter where you are, I’ll run to your front door When my head goes in different directions You know my heart’s never on the move And in the dark times, you don’t have to question If I’m a hundred with you

You could put an ocean between our love, love, love It won’t keep us apart You could build a wall, I would run it up, up, up Just to get to your heart If we’re caught in a wave Baby, we’ll make a way You could put an ocean between our love, love, love It won’t keep us apart

LISTEN. I’M JUST

EMOTIONAL

12.Warriors by Imagine Dragons

Half the shit Fjord has seen since joining up with The Mighty Nein would normally have sent him running. But ya best know, The Mighty Nein are no joke. These fighters are bound to him, and he to them —and no one is taking away this new world he has found.

LET HIM FEEL BRAVE.

LET HIM FEEL HOPEFUL.

LET HIM FEEL POWERFUL.

LET HIM FEEL LOVED.

LET HIM FIND STRENGTH IN HIS FRIENDS.

In youth you’d lay Awake at night and scheme Of all the things that you would change But it was just a dream!

Here we are, don’t turn away now, We are the warriors that built this town Here we are, don’t turn away now We are the warriors that built this town From dust.

This is so on point and I love how much Fjord enjoys being a part of this group of powerful warriors and how protective of this he is. This is his life and he will do anything it takes to live it and keep it by any mean necessary.

“and no one is taking away this new world he has found” is such an interesting perspective about how Fjord thinks and why he’s sometimes willing to go to even dark lengths to get what he or his friends want. This is a possessive and protective statement coming from a man who already had everything he held dear ripped away from him once, who had lost and suffered too much… He won’t let that happen again.

#fjord #fjorester #critical role #sofia's nonsense #travis willingham #listen to the drums; listen to them

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fullsundh · 6 years ago

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80s! Haechan (AU)

so i love the 80s era and I love lee donghyuck so why not put them together? note: sorry if some of this is not fully accurate. I’m just using basic 80s pop culture knowledge (and a bunch of movie stereotypes)

genre: fluff/enemies to lovers/badboy! au.

warnings: the tiniest mention of drugs and some swearing. light badboy! au themes.

donghyuck is pretty much the bad boy of the school

he’s popular because of his attitude and attractiveness but he distances himself from everyone

he usually spends his time alone, sat at the back of the class, using his walkman to block out the world and listen to the rock mixtape he worked hard to put together.

well that’s if he even turns up to class

this little rebel has probably never attended a science class in his entire life because he always skips them

rumour has it that when he skips class, he’s hidden in one of the old store cupboards getting high or making out with one of the cheerleaders

not only was donghyuck the school’s mysterious badboy, he was also your lab partner. but, you were yet to see him actually turn up to one of the lessons.

you didn’t mind all too much. you were happy with working alone. it meant you could get the grade you needed without any distractions.

but you weren’t too happy when your teacher announced to the class that the upcoming project had to be completed with equal input from each lab partner

how the hell were you gonna pass this when your lab partner never turned up to class?!?!

as soon as the dismissal bell rang you stormed your way out of the school building and into the car park where you saw the boy lying down on the hood of his car, arms casually resting behind his head. he wore sunglasses to block out the summer sun and headphones to block out the rest of the universe.

well, that was until you forcefully pulled his headphones out of the cassette player strapped to his waist.

he immediately sat up. you couldn’t see his eyes through the shades but it was obvious donghyuck was giving you a death stare

“what the fuck is your problem?” he spat out whilst he grabbed the headphones back off you and placed them around his neck.

“you’re my problem. You’re also my lab partner. Now we have a project coming up and you will help me with it because I’m not letting someone like you fuck it up for me”

donghyuck took off his glasses and laughed at the sound you, one of the top students, using such a harsh tone

“I don’t know what you find so funny donghyuck because I swear if you don’t turn up to class tomorrow I wi-“

you were cut off by the sound of Bon Jovi starting to echo from the boy’s headphones, he was known for his heavy rock persona, not a day would go by where he wasn’t wearing his classic leather jacket

“Yeah whatever, sunshine. I’ll be there if I feel like it” and with that, he placed the headphones back over his ears to stop you from arguing any more and hopped off his car to go elsewhere, leaving you stood all alone.

an entire week had passed and donghyuck had still not turned up to a science class to do his part of the project. you were about to give up all hope and just beg your teacher to give you a different partner

well that was until you felt someone tap your shoulder and you were met with the badboy himself.

“Donghyuck what the fuck-“. Donghyuck cut you off before you could say anything else by placing his index finger against your lips.

“Listen, Sunshine, I’m only doing this because I’ll get into serious shit if I fail another class not because I like you or anything”

“I’m glad because I don’t like you either Donghyuck. I just want to pass not be your friend. ” you rolled your eyes at the thought of him ever being your friend, or more.

you watched him as he let out a loud sigh of, what you thought was, annoyance. He then handed you a slip of paper and casually told you to write down your address.

“I’ll come over tonight so we can get this shit over and done with as soon as possible” Donghyuck ordered as he took the note away from you and placed it in the back pocket of his jeans.

you immediately start to shake your head and wave your hands infront of you

“Are you kidding me Donghyuck? You can’t come to mine! My dad would freak out if I had a boy come over! We’ll just have to work together in the library like anyone else would”

this time the boy really did let out a sigh of annoyance and crossed his arms over his chest.

“God. Fine. You’ll have to come over to my place instead. We can’t work on the project in the library because I don’t want people seeing me with you”

when you heard those words leave his mouth you felt so much more upset than you would’ve expected

why do you suddenly care so much about what lee donghyuck thinks about you or says about you? you didn’t know. all you knew was that he hurt you somehow.

you were too busy looking down at the ground to notice how donghyuck instantly regretted his words when he saw your hurt self

he gently lifted your head up by placing his soft hand underneath your chin

“Quit pouting Sunshine, I was only joking. I’m just not allowed in the library because I’ve been banned, apparently I make to much noise...”. his hand quickly went from your chin to the back of his neck and he rubbed it out of embarrassment.

seeing the school’s mysterious badboy stand in front of you, with his cheeks tinted pink as his eyes searched to look anywhere other than you, made your heart rate go just a little faster than usual. maybe donghyuck wasn’t so bad after all?

it was just coming up to 5pm on a Friday night when you were stood at Lee Donghyuck’s front door waiting for him to answer. and to say you were nervous was a total understatement.

after what felt like lifetimes of waiting, donghyuck finally swung the door open. he stood in front of you wearing loose and baggy casual clothes, his hair messy. he was a bad boy turned soft.

he stood awkwardly under your gaze for a brief moment before returning back to his usual self and smirked at you as he stepped to the side and motioned for you to follow him inside and upstairs to his room.

donghyuck’s room was far from what you imagined it to be like. from his ‘bad’ image you expected a cluster of rock band posters to cover the walls, countless piles of clothes to be scattered across the floor, packs of cigarettes lazily hidden around the room and any illegal substances you could imagine to be placed amongst the shelves.

however you and your imagination were proved wrong when you stepped into a colourful and well kept room. framed pictures of donghyuck smiling happily with a group of boys you didn’t recognise were on display throughout the place. his shelves were filled with old action figures that must’ve been from his childhood days. countless copies of cheap comic books were stacked by the side of his bed. but what caught your attention the most was the boombox that stood next to a stand that was filled up with cassette tape after cassette tape.

“do you wanna listen to something y/n?” donghyuck said from behind you, a wide and proud smile on his face as he thought about how impressed you must be at his huge collection.

you walked over and started to pull out a few tapes at random to see what tapes he had. You started to laugh loudly as you inspected the name of the artists and songs written on the tapes.

“Donghyuck these are all pop singers,,,” you kept giggling as you turned to look at him and held up a handful of cassettes.

his eyes went wide as he remembered that he was supposed to hide away all of his ‘embarrassing’ things before you came over.

“DONT TOUCH THOSE! I-I umm, I mean those are my sisiter’s so you should put those away...” his cheeks were undoubtedly turning red and you could see that clearly he was lying.

so you decided to tease him further :)

“Wow Donghyuck I’m really surprised. I thought you were a bad boy? All anyone can ever hear in class is the sound of heavy rock coming from your headphones but now I’m finding out that you secretly listen to” -you scanned over the tapes infront of you and pulled out another one- “Cyndi Lauper?”

He snatched the tape from out of your hand and half heartedly mumbled another “that’s my sister’s tape” under his breath and looked down at the floor.

All you could do was smile at how cute the whole concept was. Donghyuck plays it off as if he is some dark and edgy rocker boy yet here he was, stood embarrassed infront of you, with a collection of cheesy pop albums bundled up in his arms. why would he be so shy about his true self?

you suddenly started to feel bad about teasing him and purposely making him feel shy in such a vulnerable situation

so, mirroring what donghyuck did to you that time in the school hallway, you lifted his head up from underneath is chin to make him look right into your eyes

“I’m only teasing Hyuck. I think these are cool and you’ve got an amazing music taste. Do you wanna listen to some Michael Jackson while we work?”

His face lit up and he gave you a beautiful bright smile. his heart felt warmer than ever. not only were you offering to play his favourite artist but you had also given him a nickname-hyuck. maybe you were starting to like him after all?

you two both sat comfortably on hyuck’s bed with the science project sprawled out in front of you but with every new playing song, a new conversation topic popped up, causing you both to forget all about the real reason why you went over that night.

the only thing that could be heard throughout the house that night was fits of laughter and giggles as you and donghyuck shared old memories, secret hobbies (as it was clear donghyuck had a lot of those), and anything else that came to mind.

“Oh my god! You’re kidding me y/n. Thriller is the best Michael Jackson song. Period.”

“Hyuck are you serious? His best song is P.Y.T and everyone knows that”

“Hey you wanna see something cool? I can do a pretty neat impression of him...”

after what felt like lifetimes more of endless laughter donghyuck came to a stop and found himself looking deep into your eyes, loving the way they glinted in the light as you smiled

and he didn’t know what gave him the sudden course of bravery. maybe it was the way you spoke to him as if you both had been best friends for years, maybe it was the way you shyly placed your hand over your mouth to hide your smile when he teased you, maybe it was just donghyuck’s heart taking more control over him than his mind

but he found the courage. he hardly even waited for you to notice how he was staring at you before he blurted it out.

“come out with me tonight to meet my friends y/n.”

you completely froze and with wide eyes you turned to give him a look as if to say ‘are you crazy?’

“C’mon Sunshine it’ll be fun, they don’t go to our school but they’re really cool and you’ll love them”

Without really having the chance to say anything you found yourself being dragged out to hyuck’s car with his hand in yours.

He turned to you and grinned as he started the engine causing the radio to start playing

You instantly pulled your hands up to your ears as the radio started to blare out heavy rock music as loud as possible

Donghyuck panicked and desperately pushed every button on the small machine to find the right one that would change the song.

After finally finding it he glanced over at you bashfully. you couldn’t help but smile back as you heard ‘every breath you take’ by the police starting to play

the whole scene was so relaxing. you both sat in a comfortable silence as the song played. the moonlight shone onto donghyuck’s features and it made you see him in a way you had never expected. you had come to the realisation that Lee Donghyuck, a boy you had hated since the beginning, was actually the most beautiful thing you had ever seen.

you turned you head away from him to look out of the window before he could notice that you were staring with heart eyes

the thought of donghyuck’s sudden beauty left your mind and you started to realise what you were actually doing. you were on your way to meet his friends.

you started to panic as all you could imagine was some sort of gang of boys that acted just the way donghyuck acted in school

what if he was taking you to the bad side of town and you would have to sit uncomfortably as a gang of mischievous teenagers stared at you wondering why the hell you were there with them?

The car came to a stop and you took in where you were.

“Are we lost?” You looked over at hyuck confused when you noticed that he had pulled up at the town’s arcade.

He rolled his eyes at you and got out of the car and waited for you to follow before heading into the brightly-lit building

Donghyuck grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you around the entire arcade but came to a sudden stop when you reached a group of five boys, all huddled around another boy whose eyes were fixated on the game of Pac-Man playing in front of him.

Donghyuck leaned in closer to you so that his voice could be heard over the sound of other games and shouting kids “if it’s Mark playing then I’ll give it a few more seconds before he completely blows it and dies”

A few moments later you heard the group of boys let out shouts of disappointment as ‘game over’ appeard on the screen infront of them. Donghyuck just stood there next to you with a smug grin playing on his lips until one of the boys turned around and noticed he had arrived.

“Hey look, Hyuck finally arrived and he’s brought someone” he said as he tapped a few of the others on the shoulder to gain their attention

The rest of the boys turned around and, like most things in donghyuck’s life, they were far from what you imagined them to be like. they all looked as if they couldn’t hurt a fly. after they had all introduced themselves to you, all of you made your way throughout the arcade playing game after game.

a while later it had finally started to get close to your curfew hour. you waved goodbye to your new group of friends and hyuck took your hand in his as he walked you to the car so he could take you home

“You’ve really surprised me today Lee Donghyuck” you said truthfully and took a glance at his cute concentration face as he drove through the darkness

“What were you expecting? me and my friends to be in some sorta hardcore gang? Sorry to let you down y/n but all we do is spend the week saving up quarters so we can spend Friday night beating the arcade’s high scores”

this time he wasn’t embarrassed or shy when talking about the real side to him. he felt so relaxed around you that he knew he could show his true self. after all that had happened that night, donghyuck knew that you weren’t an enemy. he knew that you weren’t just a person from high school that he’d forget all about in the years to come. he now knew that you were a friend, maybe even more.

Donghyuck switched the engine off once he had pulled up to your house and turned over to make his whole body face you as one of his arms rest on the wheel.

“Y/N, I’ve... I’ve had a real good time with you tonight and I was wondering if you want to like go out sometime again? but...just us two? like maybe we could catch a movie? I heard that’s what couples like to do... there’s that new movie out soon, the breakfast club or something like that-“

“Donghyuck are you asking me out on a date?” you cut him off from his messy rambling

“Yeah I think I am. So, are you up for it Sunshine?”

You couldn’t help but give him the biggest smile ever as you felt your cheeks heat up from happiness

“Of course I’ll go on a date with you Hyuck”

And with that, he leaned over and gave you a small kiss out of joy and excitement. You really had turned the badboy soft.

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themoonandotherslikeit · 6 years ago

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I Think We Have Been Here Before

Two college grad students meet, and find out that they’ve been having the same dreams about a pair of brothers in an old Impala. After trying to ignore their strange pull they realize that nothing ends, not really, and sometimes you can miss someone that you haven’t met yet.

Created for @samwinchesterbingo

Square Filled: Soulmates!

Rating: T for language

Pairing: Sam/Dean (but not Wincest really if that makes sense)

Tags/Warnings: AU Soulamtes, language, major character death, angst

Word Count: 3991

Creator’s Note: I’ve always been interested in the concept that Sam and Dean are soulmates in an unromantic non sexual kind of way. Hopefully this comes across well :) enjoy!

Becca

The name Sam echoed in her head at all hours of the day. Becca had these dreams... she was riding in a car. The windows were down. She would turn to the side and see a man, his scruff on his cheeks pristinely shaved, but sometimes the growth came back before he could get to the bathroom. Music played, Metallica, Bon Jovi, AC/DC, and sometimes something a little less expected. Things were easy, but even in her dreams they weren’t always easy.

Sometimes she would wake up in tears, still feeling his arms wrapped around her, weeping into her neck as blood seeped from her stomach.

She tried to not think about the dreams. She tried to not think about this person she’s never met. This person that she misses so deeply that it hurts her.

“Bec, you good?” Her roommate, Asia, asked.

Becca looked up from the bathroom sink, that was threatening to overflow. She shut off the water and glanced at Asia in the mirror. “I’m fine.” She said weakly. What was she supposed to say? She gripped the cross necklace that hung from her neck that usually gave her peace. Things had been escalating, and she was trying to remember it all. She walked out the front door, grabbing her backpack on her way out.

She worried that if she told anyone that they’d think she was insane. Maybe she was insane. Her apartment was close to campus, within walking distance. The fall semester had started, and everything was colorful. Guys threw a football in the grass and everyone was studying outside. She scanned the grounds to find a place to park it.

She jogged to her favorite tree and lowered herself to a seated position. She pulled her notebook out of her bag and clicked her pen a few times before scribbling on the page.

All I felt was pain, it was quick, but he was there to catch me. He always was. He cradled me against his chest, like I somehow knew he’d been doing my whole life. He would protect me against all else. I knew he would. “Hey, look at me. It’s not even that bad. It’s not even that bad, all right? Sammy?”

“Whatcha writing?”

Becca slowly raised her head to find a guy sitting in the tree above her. What the fuck?

“Uh, nothing.”

He squinted, and smiled widely. “Yeah, sure looks like nothing.”

“Do you mind?”

“Do you? I was kind of here first.” He smiled charmingly. “I’m Nate.”

“Good for you.” Becca said smoothly.

“And you are?”

“Not interested.” She said, closing her notebook. He would have to wait.

“Wow, ice queen.” Nate snorted swinging himself out of the tree like a monkey.

His feet hit the ground right next to where Becca sat and he lowered himself next to her. Her heart rate picked up a bit with him so close. She held the notebook against her chest protectively.

“Business or pleasure?” He asked, eyeing the notebook.

“I...” I want to tell him. “It’s a dream journal.”

“Ohh, any naughty dreams.” His eyebrows wiggled.

“Gross, no.” She stood up quickly, wiping the dirt and leaves off her jeans.

“Hey, I’m just kidding.” Nate said, scrambling up to his feet.

“Well, it’s not funny.” Becca said, crossing her arms tightly across her chest.

“You looked kind of peaceful writing, studious.” He commented.

“So you thought you’d shoot that horse in the face?”

His eyes widened, he looked surprised. She smiled at him. His green eyes felt so familiar. They were kind, behind the sarcasm, and flirty front.

“Well, I should go.” She said, backing up.

“Class?” He offered.

“Work, actually.” She said slowly.

“Where do you work?” He asked, his steps keeping up with her stride.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “The bar on 4th.”

“Bartender?”

“Mhm.”

“Maybe I’ll come by for a drink.” He flashed a white smile, which looked really nice against his tanned skin.

“Maybe I’ll see you there.” She smirked a bit before turning on her heels. “Bye!”

“Wait!” He called, taken off guard by her quick escape. “What’s your name?”

Nate

I am fucking Looney Tunes. Nate kept getting flashes of a face. A tall guy with long, shaggy hair. It was weird. It started out as vague dreams, but the longer it went on the more clear they got. They were even coming around in the day.

He was leaning against the tree, his legs hanging down as he daydreamed, again.

He was driving this car, blasting music. “Dude you’re going to be deaf by the time you’re forty.”

“Hey, if I live that long I will deal with the repercussions.” Nate said, drumming on the steering wheel. His words weren’t his own.

The guy next to Nate rolled his eyes and Nate smiled to himself. He didn’t know who the man was, but he knew he was important. Somehow Nate knew that he loved him.

He was pulled out of the memory from the sound of someone settling in at the bottom of the tree below him. She was pretty, her dirty blonde hair was down, flowing freely, and she was scribbling in a notebook. His heart raced just looking at her. Fuck, am I getting sick? He pressed his hand to his chest, trying to ease the pounding that was moving from his chest into his temples.

She was rude, and standoffish. She wasn’t interested in him, but somehow he found myself walking. She said she worked at the bar on 4th, and before he knew it he was standing in front of the red glowing neon sign. Nate pushed my way in and walked straight to the bar.

Her back was to him, and he took a second to look her over. To take her in. She had curves to fill out her jeans, but she was obviously fit from the curve of her bicep. She reached up to get to the top shelf, but she was too short. He grinned at the sight.

“Seriously?” She asked when she finally turned around. She crossed her arms with annoyance. “You actually came.”

“I’ve always wanted to check this place out.” He said casually.

“I’m sure.” She said with an eye roll.

He squinted, to read her name tag in the low light of the bar. “Becca, huh?”

“He can read!” She said with fake cheer, causing Nate’s stomach to flip.

“Yeah... I like to read.” He said, feeling some weird dejavu that he couldn’t quite shake off.

“Can I get you a beer or are you just going to loiter?”

“Yeah, sure. Give me a beer.”

She nodded and grabbed one out of the fridge. She cracked open the top and handed him an El Sol. He raised an eyebrow. “How’d you know this is my favorite?”

She shrugged. “I didn’t.” Her green eyes flickered from his back down to the bar top. She suddenly seemed really interested in a spot on the counter.

“Is it.. should I have not come?” Nate asked, suddenly self conscious. Why did I come here? Doesn’t seem like she really wants to see me.

“I... I don’t know.” Becca admitted, leaning forward. “Just not used to guys trying so hard.” She smiled a bit.

“I’m not used to trying this hard either.” He grinned, making pink rise on her cheeks. “It may sound weird, but I just kind of felt like I had to come here. When I saw you I knew I had to talk to you.”

“That is kind of weird.” She agreed. Becca went back to washing the counter, and Nate continued to watch her. He hopped up after a few minutes and put some money in the Juke Box.

I was a little too tall, could’ve used a few pounds. Tight paints points hardly renown. She was a black haired beauty with big dark eyes...

Becca looked up, meeting eyes with Nate.

“Dean, I can explain what was going on...”

“No, no, no. No.” Dean said with a laugh, cranking on the radio.

“Don't Night Moves me.” He groaned at his brothers choice of music.

“Shh. Just let it wash over you.” Dean grinned at him from the side. He’d caught his brother with a half naked girl in the back seat that morning, and he had to give him shit. Of course he did.

“Let...”

“Just take it in.” Dean grinned, mouthing the lyrics.

I was a little to tall, could’ve used a few pounds. Tight Pants point hardly reknown. She was a black-haired beauty with big dark eyes

“This is ridiculous.”

“One of the greatest rock writers of all time, Samuel.”

“It’s Sam.” He groaned before rolling his eyes and belting, “Out in the back seat of my brother’s ’67 Chevy.”

Dean laughed.

Sam grinned back at him. “Yeah, you started this. You started this.”

“Here we go. Come on now.”

The two looked at each other with a grin and sang off key, but together. “Workin' on our night moves...”

“Everything okay here?” The manager asked, interrupting their moment. Nate shook himself out of the very vivid day dream, just to see Becca’s eyes seemingly glazed over as well.

“Uh, yeah, Mark it’s fine.” She said forcing a smile, but her eyes never left Nate’s. The manager raised an eyebrow, but quickly walked away to deal with some other bar related issue.

“Sorry,” Becca said, sheepishly. “I guess I kind of... zoned out.”

“Me too.” Nate said, barely able to articulate. Things felt straight up weird. He couldn’t place it, but more than anything he knew that he was there in that car. Something told him that so was she.

Becca

There was something going on inside of Becca. Saying it out loud would be insane and she knew it, but she was in that car. She was singing, but it wasn’t her voice. “It’s Sam.” Those words came from her own mouth. She reached up and touched her bottom lip, like she had been kissed. What the hell is going on?

“Weird.” She offered, avoiding Nate’s eyes, suddenly. He was making her nervous. All of it seemed like too much. Too real. She could feel the road under her as if they had been plucked from the car. They. She shook her head. Nope that’s bat shit crazy. Do you want to be committed?

She pressed her lips together. “You know, I’m suddenly not feeling very good.” She offered a weak smile. “Beers on the house.” She pulled off her apron and pushed out from behind the bar. She swung open the back door and went into the alleyway, immediately bending over and vomiting. She felt flushed, holding her knees

“Becca! Wait! Are you.. oh shit.” Nate commented.

Great.

“Nothing to see here.” She said, waiving him off dismissively.

“No need to be a hero.” He grunted, walking to her. He gathered her hair in his hands, letting her vomit, get it all out. “You’re not pregnant are you?” He joked, lamely.

“No.” She snorted, wiping her mouth with the back of her hands.

“Good.” He said, supporting her by her elbow. “‘Mere.”

She let him lead her down the alley way, and out to the street. They lowered themselves to a seated position on a bench. “Feelin any better?” Nate asked her gently.

No. “I... yeah. I guess.”

“Can I ask you something?”

Her eyes flickered up to his. The large, full moon was reflecting in his green iris. “Anything.” She murmured, and somehow she knew that she did mean anything.

“When you zoned out earlier... did you.... uh. Shit this is going to sound crazy.”

“It’s okay.” She said, sitting up a little straighter. “You can tell me.”

“Fine.” Nate said, forcing a smile. “Did you, uh, see anything?”

“Like what?” Becca asked, carefully.

“I sound like a fucking loon.” He complained before letting out a rush of air. “But... I don’t know. Like a car?”

Becca sat up even straighter. “I... yeah. Yeah I think I did.”

“I know it sounds... wait, really?” Nate turned to look at her intensely. She found she couldn’t focus with his eyes on her like that. She nervously pushed her hair behind her ear.

“Yeah. The moment the juke box started playing it was like...”

“Like you were transported somewhere else?”

“Yeah.” She said eagerly. “Exactly like that.”

They searched each others faces for answers. “It’s happened before.” He admitted.

“For me too.”

“I always see the same guy with me. He’s some... some tall guy, and I don’t know I’m not me.” Nate said slowly.

“I think... I think I see that, too. I think they’re brothers.” Becca said gently, not admitting that she felt like she was Sam when she was in these memories. It didn’t make any sense. It wasn’t logical. She was just herself, but there was more to it. Even if she couldn’t admit it to herself, she knew it deep down.

“Yeah, before I heard them say that... I knew they had some kind of bond. That’s fucking bananas, isn’t it?”

Becca laughed humorlessly. “About fifteen minutes ago I would’ve said yeah, but now... I don’t know. I thought I was going crazy! But if you’re seeing them too...”

“What do you think this means?” Nate asked quietly.

“I wish I knew.” Becca said, lacing her fingers with Nate. She didn’t know why she did it. She didn’t know this boy, but there was something about him. Something safe. “Maybe we could go to the library and do some research?”

“To research what?” He laughed, looking down at their combined fingers, beginning to feel calm.

“Just seems like the thing to do.” Becca said quietly. What she didn’t say is that it’s what Sam always did in her dreams. There’s no problem that couldn’t be solved with a book.

“Alright, fuck it. Let’s go.” Nate said standing up.

They didn’t release hands as they walked down the road to the library on campus. They only released when they each settled down in a chair. Becca began typing diligently, but Nate couldn’t focus. He couldn’t stop looking at her. She was a stranger, but yet she was so familiar. He just couldn’t place it.

“Get this.” She said, squinting at the screen. “It’s said that soulmates can have the same dreams. That’s crazy isn’t it?” She asked, turning toward him.

“Maybe not so much.” Nate said, meeting her eyes. He glanced at his own screen, clicking a link. “I... I don’t want to sound any crazier than I already do, but I feel like I know you Bec.”

“Bec.” She said cooly. “Yeah... I get that too, Nathan.” She eyed him.

“Right. Not on nickname bases yet?”

“I just thought I’d try it out. I don’t really mind.”

“Samuel.” “It’s Sam.”

She pursed her lips. “I don’t think... the big one liked nicknames. I think he felt like he was being demoted somehow.”

Nate smiled. “Yeah, he liked teasing Sammy, but that’s what brothers do.”

Becca closed her eyes. This is too fucking Twilight Zone.

“Hey, you good?”

“What? Oh yeah.” Her eyes flew open, landing on his hand. “I’m good. I’m great.”

“Sure sellin it.” He chuckled and turned back to his screen. “What do you think about it?”

“About what?”

“The whole soulmate shtick?”

“I think... I think I don’t have any better explanation.”

Nate stretched his arms above his head, waiting for the satisfying crack, but instead his hands shot straight into the chest of some older guy. “Um, sorry, dude.”

The brunette man looked tired. He wore an outdated trench coat, with a cheap suit underneath. “It’s fine.” The man smiled. He looked upset.

“Right, well.” Nate cleared his throat. “Better get back to studying, ya know?”

Becca looked nervous, and reached for his hand. He took it instinctively.

“I don’t have time for pleasantries.” The man said, lowly. “I need to talk to you both.”

“No thanks.” Nate said, protectively. “We don’t want whatever you’re selling in that weird ass coat.”

The man groaned outwardly. “Why must you always comment on the coat?”

“Listen, buddy.” Nate said, rising. “I’ve never met you before. I think you must have me confused...”

The man reached out his two index fingers on both hands, and pressed them to Becca and Nates foreheads, sending them into a quick, and peaceful sleep.

Both

Sam looked at his brother, his hands in the sudsy water, doing the dishes. “Did you see them at dinner, the way they looked at each other? They just seemed happy, you know? It doesn’t feel fair to get all this and have to throw it away, and I know we have to. But it just feels like, you know… Once we send dad back… it’s none of this ever happened. He just goes back to being dad.”

Dean glanced at Sam, as he mindlessly dried a plate. “You saying you wish things would be different?”

“Don’t you? Can you imagine dad in the past, knowing then what he knows now? I… I think it would be nice.” Sam said weakly, peeling his eyes away from Deans.

Dean shrugged. “Yeah. I used to think that, too. But, uh… I mean, look, we’ve been through some tough times. There’s no denying that.”

Sam licked his dry lips. “Yeah.”

“And for the longest time, I blamed dad. I mean, hell, I blamed mom, too, you know? I was angry. But say we could send dad back knowing everything. Why stop there? Why not send him even further back and let some other poor sons of bitches save the world? But here’s the problem. Who does that make us? Would we be better off? Well, maybe. But I gotta be honest, man. I don’t know who that Dean Winchester is. And I’m good with who I am. I’m good with who you are. ‘Cause our lives, they’re ours. And maybe I’m just too damn old to want to change that.”

Becca’s eyes opened first, with a flutter. She could still feel the warm water on her hands. She could feel the wounds on her face, the ache in her temple. She could still feel Dean’s gaze as he described their lives. How he described the impossibilities of starting all over. Her heart ached at the idea. The idea that the boys probably died in the grips of each other, doing what they thought was right. Her heart broke knowing that they probably never got a day of rest. That the memory she saw, the ones she’d been seeing, were one of a kind.

She turned to her side, she was laying next to Nate who was still passed out. She rested her palm on his chest, right above his heart.

“I’m sorry.” The man from the library said quietly, I just... I recognized you two. I had to talk to you. It isn’t protocol, but seeing that you found each other... it was too tempting.

Something came over Becca suddenly.

“Cas is that really you?” Dean asked, his eyes wide under the light of the night sky.

Sam shook his head. “No. You’re... you’re dead.” He was desperate. His heart was aching. He wanted to reach out and hug his friend, but he couldn’t, not until he had all the answers.

“Yeah, I was.” Castiel said carefully. “But then I.. annoyed an ancient cosmic being so much that he sent me back.”

“I don’t even know what to say.” Sam said, dumbfounded.

“I do.” Dean said, rushing Castiel, pulling him into a hug. “Welcome home, Pal.”

“Castiel.” Becca breathed, before she realized what she was doing.

“You’re having memories?” Cas pressed.

“I... I don’t know what’s going on.” Becca admitted, in tears. “I’m a grad student. I... I don’t believe in all of this..”

“It’s alright.” Cas said gently. “I just...”

“What’s happening?” Becca asked intently.

Nate groaned next to her.

“Hey.” She murmured as he started to stir.

“What the...”

“I think... I think we know him.” Becca said, eyeing the angel in front of them.

Nate squinted. “Yeah I think you might be right.” He said up all the way, rubbing his head. “So get to talkin, stalker boy.”

“I’m not a...” Castiel sighed and shook his head. “I recognized your aura. Your souls energy.” He said slowly, eyeing Nate. “I’d recognize you anywhere.”

“Weird.”

“Dean and I share a more profound bond.”

“I’m not sure it is.” Becca said. It was like she turned her dreams on high. She was getting constant flashes. “Castiel.” She said quietly. “What is going on here?”

“It is said that when two souls make a significant imprint on the world, on each other, that in every life they will find each other again. I.. I don’t know why you have left heaven, but I am happy to see that you have found each other again.”

“Heaven..” Becca murmured, her heart breaking. She was right.

“What is he sayin?” Nate asked, looking irritated.

“I think... I think he’s saying..”

“You’ve been reincarnated.” Cas said simply.

Becca swallowed. “So Sam and Dean...”

“They were a past life of yours. The one where I met you. Where I was your friend.” He turned to Nate. “Your best friend.”

“Hm.” Nate grunted.

“You wear a different face, Dean.” Cas said with a kind, nostalgic smile. “But you are still the same.”

“Dean.” Nate said slowly. “Like from the dreams?”

“I don’t think they’re dreams.” Becca said, moving her hand off of Nates leg. “I think they’re memories.” She felt sick. She stood up and began to pace. “So if he’s Dean... then I’m.. oh god.”

It all rushed over Nate instantly and he stood up too. “Sam.” He breathed. “Of course.”

Becca turned, shaking her head. “Nope. I can’t do this.”

Nate grabbed her hand. “Hey... just.. it’s okay.” They both turned to Castiel.

“Soul mates are complicated.” He said quietly. “You both died countless times, in each other’s arms. That leaves an imprint. In this past life you were siblings, but I’ve never seen anyone connected so strongly.”

Becca busted into tears, Nate supporting her as she lost it. “How did they die... how did we.. Cas...”

“It was a hunt.” Cas said weakly. “It was an accident... it was tragic.” He admitted sadly. “It was a long time ago.”

Becca gripped Nates shirt, and he wrapped his arms around her. “I’ve got you.”

She knew he did, because she could see him a thousand times over, holding her in the same way. Holding Sam. She could see his face, bloodied and broken under her fist.

“And if we die, we will do that together too.”

“I believe in us!”

“I’ve looked up to you my whole life.”

She held her head and just cried. She mourned for the loss of who she used to be. She mourned for Dean. Her eyes fluttered open and she caught those same green eyes full of concern, looking right back at her. Fuck. She thought, touching his cheek. “Guess it isn’t our first time around is it?”

“Guess not.” Nate said quietly.

“I am sorry if this was too much.” Cas said, weakly. “I just saw you and I couldn’t... I couldn’t not.”

“We understand.” Becca said, regaining her sea legs. She stood up and walked to him, wrapping her arms around him. “Thank you.” She breathed. “I had no idea I could miss someone I never met, but I think I missed you, Cas. I think I missed both of you.” She said releasing her hug, turning to meet Nate’s eyes. They were different than his, but somehow exactly the same. He gave her a cheesy sideways smile, the same that she’d seen a million times before, before she woke up, before the sun touched the horizon.

“Hey, no chick flick moments.” Nate complained..

Becca smiled a bit, before murmuring. “Jerk.”

Nate grinned without missing a beat. “Bitch.”

#sam winchester #samwinchesterbingo #soulmates #soulmates!au #dean winchester #spn #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #fic #writings #mine #writing #otp #sam and dean #winchester brothers

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time-scar-webcomic · 6 years ago

Note

okay but papyrus commenting about how it doesn't make sense how sans doesn't take care of himself *first 10 seconds of you give love a bad name playing in the distance in repeat*

I have literally no idea how anything Papyrus said would make you think of Bon Jovi but ok I guess.

#asks #Anonymous

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ariannnawinchester · 7 years ago

Text

Bad Names

Characters: Dean, Reader and a mention of Sam

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: It’s a tad bit angsty and a smidge of swearing.

Summary: The reader is out there living her life, everything is going smoothly until she gets a blast from the past that sends her hurtling on an emotional rollercoaster.

A/N: This is for @d-s-winchester‘s Bon jovi Challenge. Congrats on 4k, you really do deserve it. I chose ‘you give love a bad name’ from the ‘slippery when wet’ album. I love this song so much. So it was super fun to listen to on repeat as I wrote this. I hope y’all enjoy. Thank you for reading! xx

(tags aren’t working grrrr.)

Shopping for stuff in the evening was magical, the grocery stores were quiet. It was almost therapeutic, the white noise. There was no rush to get to the pay point, no rush to pick out vegetables. There was no hurry at all and you loved it. After being in court all day, you just needed some wine and a good chick flick. Married people, who were getting divorces were nightmares. Utter nightmares. Your heart was always sore for the children that were often stuck in the middle because once that used to be you.

”Shot through the heart And you’re to blame Darlin’, you give love a bad name”

Your Father had found a bimbo, only slightly older than you and got married in Vegas, in fucking Vegas three months after knowing her and your Mom, well, she didn’t move on until last year. Regardless of being 16 when your life fell to pieces, it still hurt. It’s probably the reason why you don’t have faith in love, not anymore anyway. Now though, you aren’t that 16 year old girl, with a heart too big and tons of daddy issues. You’re a goddamn good lawyer, who can take care of yourself. You take pride in being independent.

“An angel’s smile is what you sell You promise me heaven, then put me through Hell Chains of love got a hold on me When passions a prison, you can’t break free”

But, there was only one boy that still made you wish that your life had turned out slightly different. One boy you hoped that you’d be married to by now or even pregnant with your first baby. But life had other plans.

You strolled passed the bakery, your eyes lingering on the pies that were placed on the cooling rack. You sighed, rolling your eyes.

“Screw it. I need the pie. I really need the cherry pie. I had a hard day.” You mumbled softly, trying to convince yourself.

You tapped the glass on the counter, waiting until someone assisted you. Your feet on fire in your heels. God, you needed a spa day, maybe you’d call your mom when you got home. You could definitely use some time with her, it’s been a while.

You heard a voice, vaguely, on the side of you, his tall frame and shaggy hair caught the side of your eye, “I’m gonna go get some fruits. You needa eat some fruits man.” he said, talking to someone behind you.

“Damn Rabbit food.” another voice mumbled softly, the mild irritation making its appearance.

“Oh, you’re a loaded gun, yeah Oh, there’s nowhere to run No one can save me The damage is done”

“Y/N.” the same gruff voice said your name and suddenly, you had forgotten how to breathe. You knew that the minute you turned around you were gonna have the wind knocked out of you but you did it. You turned around anyway.

Your heart pounded in your ears, your hands gripping the handle of your shopping cart so tightly that your knuckles looked like they are gonna burst through your skin. His eyes were still the same, so green that you couldn't think straight. And, he was smiling. He was smiling at you like he had found what he’d been searching for. Even in the dim light, his freckles made your knees feel weak. You were robbed of your speech and frozen solid.

What kind of tricks were the fates playing.

“Shot through the heart And you’re to blame You give love a bad name I play my part and you play your game You give love a bad name You give love, a bad name”

“Jesus Christ.” you mumbled, when you finally managed to speak, still just blinking at him.

He chuckled, his whole body rumbling. He was handsome, more handsome than you remembered. You felt drunk.

“Dean Winchester, Sweetheart.” He teased, smirking at you, “You look more beautiful than I remember.”

An unexpected giggle left your lips, your cheeks are burning hot and crimson red as you looked at him from beneath your dense lashes, “I think your memory is cheating you Sugar Pie. One too many hits on the head will do that to you.” Your heart stopped, a cold feeling settled in your stomach at the realization of what you just did.

“Sugar Pie.” he stated, playing with the term in his mouth, like he was savoring a piece of candy he hadn’t tasted in years, “I remember that all too well. I could never forget it. I could never forget you.” a sad smile crawled onto his pretty mouth, as he watched you nibble on your bottom lip.

“Paint your smile on your lips Blood red nails on your fingertips A school boy’s dream, you act so shy Your very first kiss was your first kiss goodbye”

Then, he was reaching for your hand, his warm calloused fingers lacing with yours like it was the most natural thing to do. It startled you, the warmth that shot through your body. But it was the feeling you wanted to feel again ever since he left. Nothing ever felt that way again. You never felt that way about anyone again, he was your once in a lifetime.

You let your eyes drift over his hair, the contours of gorgeous face and along his big frame. He still made you feel things, things that you never let yourself feel in years. It felt like nothing had changed, in that tiny moment, but it had. He wasn’t that cocky, mischievous, strikingly handsome boy you met by the train tracks, just a month shy of turning seventeen all those years ago. Now, he was different, roguishly handsome, rough and rugged, with eyes that showed experience. You heart ached in your chest, you wished you had had the opportunity to watch him become the man he was. You knew that he was good, kind and loving. You knew back then, when his brother was his whole world.

On instinct, you raised your hand to his scruffy cheek, grazing your thumb over his skin. You were committing the sensations to memory, trying to soothe yourself and maybe him. He closed his eyes, leaning into your touch with utter satisfaction on his face as he hummed deep in his throat.

“I love yo-.” he began to say.

“Oh, you’re a loaded gun Oh, there’s nowhere to run No one can save me The damage is done”

But you silenced him, pressing your lips to his. The familiarity of it making your body tingly. Slow and passionately, his lips moved with yours, taking your breath away. But you couldn’t bear to tear yourself apart from him. Not from the way his hand was holding onto to the back of your neck, holding you close like you might disappear. The tears started to sting at your closed eyes, your throat closing up from the sob lodged there. But you couldn’t stop, you wanted to kiss him forever, to be this close forever. You would have loved to hear him say the words, you would have loved to leave everything to go with him but you couldn’t. It just wasn’t meant to be. You dreamed of having the chance to say it back, but not like this. Not years later, not in a grocery store. And not after he left and never came back for you.

The time you spent with him was something you’d carry withy you for the rest of your life. You wished that could go back in time to that Summer, the one that changed your life. It was a wild ride and you craved to do it again but life doesn’t work that way.

It took everything you could muster within you to pull yourself away from his lips, to put some distance between you. The smile on his face dulled when he saw the tear roll down your cheek. You squeezed his hand in yours, then let go. It felt like lead sinking in your stomach, but you did it anyway. You had to. For yourself and for him.

“Shot through the heart And you’re to blame You give love a bad name I play my part and you play your game You give love a bad name You give love, oh!.”

“I’ll see you around, okay Dee.” you smiled mildly, before leaning forward to touch his lips to yours for one last time, “Take care of yourself.”

And then, you just started to walk. Down the aisle, out the door and towards your car. Leaving behind your groceries, your pie and the man you desperately loved with all your heart.

You got into your car, hands clasped around the steering wheel and suddenly, you felt like you couldn’t breathe. You tried grounding yourself, you tried to keep yourself sane.

“You’re fine. You will keep your eyes dry. You feel nothing.”

You said as you felt everything.

The tears came hot and rapidly, rolling down your cheeks. It seemed like they would never stops. It was for all the times that you refused to cry because you had to be strong. But everything felt like it was crashing and you didn't feel strong anymore, you couldn't even pretend.

“Oh, shot through the heart And you’re to blame You give love a bad name I play my part and you play your game You give love a bad name”

You felt like your heart had just stopped, on the verge of bursting out from your chest. It hurt, and it took you by surprise because you thought that you would be okay with seeing him again. You were supposed to hate him for leaving but you didn’t, you still loved him. He was supposed to be irrelevant in the grand scheme of your life. He was just supposed to be a dumb boy you loved. A dumb boy, you lost on the way to finding the rest of who you are. But, you never really forgot the boy, who made you fall in love for the first time. The boy, who kissed away your fears about growing up, the boy, who wanted to be apart of your future as much as you wanted to be apart of his.

You’ll never forget him. A week from now, a month, even years later. You’ll still remember exactly how it felt to fall in love with the boy who made you hopeful.

“Shot through the heart And you’re to blame You give love a bad name I play my part and you play your game You give love a bad name You give love You give love (bad name) You give love You give love (bad name) You give love You give love (bad name) You give love You give love”

#ash hits 4k #bon jovi challenge #dean x reader #dean winchester x reader #reader x dean #dean angst #dean fluff #dean fanfic #dean fan fic #dean fanfiction #dean fan fiction #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester fan fic #dean winchester fan fiction #dean winchester fanfiction

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mill3nniumforc3 · 6 years ago

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2018: A Year in Review

Hey, everyone! So, it is currently November 29, 2018. I’m starting my AYiR earlier than my normal December 10th for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I’m busy with working two jobs and don’t have the time that I used to have in the past. The proof: I’m publishing this on January 2nd instead of December 31st. Oops! Secondly, a LOT has happened this year, and I want to make sure I have it all written down.

Of course, like I say every year, you are not obligated to read this. It’s for me to look back on someday. If you choose to read, enjoy reading about my year :)

January

The new year rang in. It was just me and my dog. I was watching Hey Arnold! The Jungle Movie in the living room and ended up falling asleep shortly afterwards.

January 2nd was the day that completely changed my life, though I didn’t know it at the time. I had been using Tinder on and off since 2015, mainly for shits and giggles. I was actually extremely picky when it came to swiping right on people. First, I would decide whether or not I thought someone was attractive (it’s important to be attracted to people you might want to date). Second, I would look at all the pictures (pictures that included smoking, drinking beer, hunting, pro-Trump, or nudity would cause me to swipe left). Third, I would read the bio (mentions of only wanting a hookup, supporting Trump, wanting a side-chick/third wheel, being obsessed with anime, or not having ambitions caused me to swipe left). Finally, I would check the distance, since Tinder would sometimes goof up and show people who were hundreds or thousands miles of way (I tried long-distance before and it ended with him cheating on me). If all was good, I swiped right.

So, while I was swiping (and laughing whenever I found someone I knew), I came across a guy that I found cute. He had one other picture of him, and both were selfies with him just smiling. Ok! I went to read his bio. He mentioned working on his Masters in Accounting (good! He has ambitions!), liking video games (that’s every guy ever, so ok!), looking for someone to talk to (not sure if that means a friend or a girlfriend, but ok!), and loving to go to Cedar Point (sold!). The distance was about 30 miles, so not that bad. I swiped right and we matched instantly. Then I thought I would never have a conversation with him and moved on.

Well, half an hour later, I got a notification that someone messaged me. I typically didn’t respond to messages because they either had one word or said something creepy. I went to at least read it, and it said five words: “Hi, nice to meet you.” I replied back, “Hi, nice to meet you too.” I thought that would be the end of it when he didn’t reply back, so I went to bed. When I woke up the morning of January 3rd, he replied. “Thanks for messaging back. Most don’t lol. So, what’s your favorite ride at Cedar Point?” From there, we talked all day about Cedar Point. I gave it three days before conversation would die.

Instead, three days later, he asked if he could meet me in person.

January 3rd was also the first day back to dance after the Christmas break. In the class was me, my sister, my aunt, and Danny, who is an ice skater who was taking ballet to work on his technique. We started a new dance to Million Reasons by Lady Gaga. The dance teacher started shipping me and Danny because we made each other laugh (he was obsessed with grand battements and kept asking if it was time to them, which was funny), but I only saw him as a friend.

On January 8th, I submitted my application for rehire at Cedar Point. I wanted to work a rollercoaster SOOOO badly. While I knew my chances for getting Raptor were slim, I was hoping I had a good chance for Blue Streak, since it doesn’t get as busy. My top three when I applied were Blue Streak, maXair/Dodgem, and Giant Wheel/Tiki Twirl/Troika. I absolutely did not want to work Cads again.

On January 9th, I had my first date with Russell. I was nervous as all heck because I hadn’t been on a date in a long time. I couldn’t sit still because I was so nervous that he’d be a serial killer, or not who he said he was, or wouldn’t like me in real life after talking to me online. He picked me up at my house, and we went to Olive Garden. I was a little quiet during the car ride and tried thinking of questions I hadn’t asked him yet. When he accidentally missed the turn for Olive Garden and we ended up in the parking lot for Planet Fitness, he asked me if I thought they served any good food. My response? “They probably have all the granola bars and protein shakes you can eat.” He laughed, and that calmed me down a lot. Making someone laugh is reassuring for me. We got seated at Olive Garden and just kept spitballing topics to talk about. He noticed I was fidgeting and thought he was making me uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to tell him the real reason I was uncomfortable: I was on my period. We kept talking and talking until we realized Olive Garden was a little too quiet. I checked the time and laughed because Olive Garden was closing in five minutes. Russell paid for our meals and we walked out to the car. He turned on the car radio and Bring Me to Life by Evanescence came on. I commented that it was a good song and wanted to sing along, but I was too shy to sing in front of him. When we got closer to my house, he asked me if I wanted to go on a second date with him. I didn’t even hesitate to say yes, and he smiled. We hugged goodbye, and he kissed me on the cheek.

On January 13th, we had our second date. We went to get frozen yogurt and then watched The Greatest Showman. It was a fun time. As we were walking out, I saw a movie playing called Proud Mary, and I started singing it under my breath. Russell looked at me and then saw the name of the movie on the theatre. He laughed and said, “Yes! I’m glad you were thinking that too.” It was cold outside and my teeth started chattering, so he held me close to him. In that moment, I knew that I sincerely liked him. When he dropped me off at my house, I saw him leaning in to kiss me, and I decided to kiss him too. My heart was pounding and I had butterflies in my stomach. It was a nice, passionate kiss that lasted quite a while.

On January 20th, we had our third date. We went to a place that was like a hyped up Chuck E Cheese. There were arcade games, go karts, bumper cars, mini bowling, laser tag, mini golf, and inflatables. It was a ton of fun. After we got done with playing, we went to IHOP for dinner (there were unlimited pancakes). We talked and ate and talked more. I was hoping he’d ask me to be his girlfriend, but he didn’t.

On January 27th, we had a fourth date. We went to a park near my house, got into the backseat of his car, listened to music, and made out. Honestly, that was a lot of fun for me. While we were making out, he said, “So, my mother has started referring to you as my girlfriend. Do you think we’re on that level?” I nodded and said, “Yeah, I do. Do you?” He nodded too, and that was how we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. Also, we went to second base that day too, and we went to Rockne’s for dinner. While we were eating, I saw one of my old teachers from middle school, I called out to her, and she walked over. I gestured to Russell and said, “This is my boyfriend, Russell.” It felt so good to say that, and he later told me that it felt good for him to hear me call him my boyfriend.

February

Every Saturday, I went on a date with Russell. It was our day to spend together, and I loved having my Saturdays with him.

We had our Valentine’s Day date on February 10th. We went to the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame, and it was an awe-striking experience getting to see outfits and instruments used by John Lennon, Freddie Mercury, Prince, Bon Jovi, everybody! After we looked at everything and browsed in the gift shop (everything was hella expensive, but I guess that’s to be expected since it’s a tourist location), we went to where our reservation is and decided to walk around for a while since we had time beforehand. We got a look inside The Arcade (which was an old mall that had shops on the first floor and a hotel on the rest of the floors) and went inside JACK Casino, where we won $30 (Russell called me his good luck charm). As we were walking back to meet our reservation, a homeless man stopped us and said, “Now, here’s a lucky man. He’s got a beautiful woman. Would you like to buy her one of these roses?” He showed us some fake roses, and Russell gave him $20 for two of them. We walked away and Russell explained that he had seen that man before, so he knew he wasn’t some kind of scammer. Since we had a little more time before our reservation, we got a drink at The Corner Alley. I got a vodka Sprite and he got a rum and coke. We then met our reservation at The Chocolate Bar, and it was amazing. We both got spiked hot chocolates and pasta dishes, and we got fried lasagna as an appetizer. After we finished our dinner, we went to the candy shop, and I bought a bagful of salt water taffy. We didn’t want the night to end yet since it was only 8pm, so we went to our park to make out for a while.

February 14th was Ash Wednesday. It was thankfully a pleasant day, so I walked to church. I got my ashes, and decided to stop at Starbucks on the way home since I was already out. I gave up the one thing I said I’d never give up for Lent again: chocolate. It was a long, sad Lent, but I did it!

On February 16th, I was awakened with a phone call from Cedar Point. I was asked about my top three, and after stating what they were, I was asked to consider Ocean Motion. I thought it over for a moment, and decided to say yes, since I was actually considering Ocean Motion for my top three anyway (the early-entry part was what stopped me from putting it down). My first day of work was April 24th, and I was excited to make my return to Sandusky.

February 24th was the day Russell met my parents. We first went to see Black Panther, just the two of us. We then met my parents and sisters at Hooley House. He said he was nervous, and I told him it would all be ok. We went inside and found my dad. We got seated at two different tables. One table was my sisters and my sister’s boyfriend. The other table was me, Russell, and my parents. Russell was kinda shy around my parents at first. My dad asked him about sports teams, and from there, he became a lot less shy. They were talking about sports, traffic, and their jobs. After we finished dinner, my mom hugged him goodbye and my dad shook his hand, and me and Russell went to get dessert at Dairy Queen (and also, make out).

February 28th was Danny’s last day at ballet class. I was sad that he was leaving since he was my friend, but at the same time, it was kinda relieving since he still wasn’t picking up choreography too well and he had to be corrected on technique many times.

March

On March 3rd, Russell showed me around his hometown. I got to see where he had previously lived before living in his current house, his high school, his workplace, and the landmarks in the city, including a high-end mall (which had a Spencers, which we totally went in). We ended the day by getting drinks and seeing Wish You Were Here, which is a tribute band for Pink Floyd. They were amazing. When he went to take me back to my house, he showed me his former workplace where he got accused for something he didn’t do and ended up getting fired.

March 10th was the day of my cousin’s baby shower. I was so excited for her to become a mom because she had babysat me and my sisters when we were younger and always thought she would be a good mom. The food at the baby shower wasn’t quite my taste (it was a lot of Greek food, since my cousin married a Greek man), but I ate some to be polite and ate a slice of cake (which was regular store-bought cake). After the baby shower, Russell came up and spent some time with me.

On St. Patrick’s Day, my family has two traditions: getting ice cream at Honey Hut since it’s the day the reopen for the season, and going to my Grandma’s house for a traditional Irish dinner of corned beef, boiled potatoes, boiled cabbage, and Irish soda bread. I remember being unsure if the dinner would even happen this year since Grandma passed away in 2017. My aunt, who lives in Grandma’s house, decided to continue tradition. Did I end up going? No. I told Russell about it to see if he wanted to go, but we agreed it probably wasn’t in his best interest to meet the family while everyone is hammered. The ice cream tradition went off without a hitch, and then me and Russell went to a mall near me. We walked around, went into Spencers, wreaked havoc in Dillard’s and Macy’s, looked at the cute dogs in Petland and Pick of the Litter (which should totally be closed down because the dogs were lethargic!), got ice cream at Mitchell’s, and saw Peter Rabbit. We left the mall and got dinner at Panera.

On March 24th, I got to meet some of his friends at a wedding. I was pretty nervous to meet them, but it ended up going great. The wedding was pretty high-end with the food. I found out that day that I like goat cheese, and that I don’t like butternut squash. After congratulating the bride (Russell’s friend), we left to spend some time together.

The next weekend was my birthday weekend. Because Russell couldn’t be with me on my actual birthday (my birthday was on Easter, so I was going to be with family, and he had planned to go to a Cavs game with a friend), he spent that Friday and Saturday with me. We got dinner at Carrabba’s on Friday, and went to the IX Indoor Amusement Park on Saturday. He also got me at Wii-U for my birthday.

April

April 1 was Easter and my 24th birthday. I went to church with my mom’s side of the family (there was a Mass offered for Grandma), and then we went to brunch at my dad’s side of the family. I also got a text from my long-lost BFF Ashlyn, and we talked about how our lives were going.

On April 7th, I got to meet Russell’s mother, Tee. I was nervous to meet her and afraid that she wouldn’t like me. We went to Olive Garden and the very first thing we bonded over was cheese. I looooove cheese, and when the server started grating the cheese, we both stared at the cheese, which made us laugh.

On April 14th, me and Russell went on our first vacation together, which was a birthday present for both of us, since Russell’s birthday is in May. We went to Kings Island, which was about 3.5 hours south of us, but still in the same state. We left at 5:30am, and got there around 9. We got a pretty decent parking spot and the line to get inside wasn’t bad at all for April 14th being Opening Day. At 9:30am, we were let in and we got our fast passes. We rode all the rollercoasters twice, except for Beast, which we rode three times, and Adventure Express, Racer, and The Bat, which we rode once. We also went into the Eiffel Tower to get some pictures of the views, and when I went to get my glasses, I found that they broke on one of the rides. Oops lol. Russell guided me around since I couldn’t see too well. Once we were all rollied out, we checked into our hotel and got dinner at McDonald’s. We headed back to our hotel and laid down in bed for a nap. It led to us making out instead, and I let him see me topless for the first time. We continued making out and, at some point when I was on top of him, he adjusted himself, accidentally dry-humping me in the process. I pushed back on him, and that is how we got into one of our favorite things to do together. It was hard to sleep that night because, even though we had the A/C on, it was hot in the room. Also, my shoulder was hurting, and the pain was keeping me awake. Russell tried massaging it to ease the pain, which helped a little, but it still hurt a lot. I don’t know when we fell asleep, but I do know that when Russell’s phone alarm went off, neither of us wanted to leave the bed. We went to see what was for breakfast in the hotel, and it was pretty lame. Just pastries and coffee. I had went into the bathroom because I was getting nauseous from a combination of how badly my shoulder hurt and I hadn’t peed in over 24 hours (I get bladder shy). I managed to relieve my bladder, which helped me feel kinda better. When I got back to Russell, he asked me if I puked, and I shook my head no. I drank the rest of my coffee and then we went back to the room to lay down for a bit before we had to check out. We started watching Pinocchio (it was on Freeform) and making horrible jokes about it. Eventually, it was time for us to go. We checked out, got lunch at McDonald’s (it was across the street from the hotel), and went back home.

I went to the eye doctor shortly after the incident to get a new prescription for my glasses. I ended up picking a pair of red Ralph Lauren glasses, and I added a blue light filter to protect my eyes when I use my laptop and phone. They told me the glasses would be ready in 7-10 days, and I was a little panicked because I was moving back to Sandusky in less than a week for work. My mom said she could drop them off, and Russell offered to bring them if they were ready before he was up there for the Steel Vengeance first rider event.

On April 21st, me and Russell had a fun day together at a hyped up Chuck E. Cheese (not the same place as we went before). We played skee ball and other games, played mini-golf, and rode go-karts. We then went to Panera and spent some time together, since we knew it would be a little while before we could spend days like this together.

On April 24th, I was back in Sandusky. It was exciting to be back. I didn’t see anyone I knew at process-in, which was kinda a letdown. After getting processed in, I went to get my room assignment and key. I saw my friend Pam from last year in the housing office, and she right away knew where to put me: same building as last year (Valravn House) and first floor. I got the last bed in 123, which was kinda nerve-wracking, since the last time I was the last bed, I had two partier roommates and one roommate who thought she was better than everyone else because she was drinking underage and had a black boyfriend. I moved in all my stuff and organized everything. After I had everything where I wanted it to be, I went to get lunch at McDonald’s. I then relaxed for a while, waiting to meet my roommates. At some point, I left to go to the bathroom, and upon returning, one of my roommates was entering the room too. That was how I met Tracy, a 47 year old who worked at the resort. We got to know each other and learn a bit about our lives. Soon, we were joined by Michaela, a 19 year old who was a first-year ride op. She got excited to learn I was a ride op too and she asked me tons of questions about which rides I had worked, who I knew, and my favorite rides. The last roommate I didn’t meet until the next day, and I don’t remember her name because she processed out and left a few weeks later.

April 25th was iROC day. I had to take my drug test, and I made sure to get some coffee on the way. I got there a half hour early, and it took me 75 minutes to go (bladder of steel never fails lol). I met Tarshikka, another ride op, there and we were racing to see who could finally go first (she won lol). Thankfully, because I was a returner, they let me go into iROC class late. I went into class, completed everything, passed the iROC exam with a perfect score (2 for 2!), and caught up on what I missed. After iROC, they sent me on a 45 minute lunch break. The issue? I didn’t have a car, nothing on Point was open, and the buses were running every half hour. I found a candy cane in my purse, and that ended up being my lunch. After “lunch,” I was sent to clean/train at Kiddy Kingdom, or as we all affectionately call it, Kill-me Kingdom. Boooo! I put on a happy face anyway and trained at the rides. I met Cieara, Sam, Mario, Isaiah, Eileen (Kiddy’s sup), Lacey (Cads’ sup), Chris (Planet’s sup), Olivia, and Savannah. Chris had us just clean and he’d train us in tomorrow. Ok, good deal. We were supposed to be sent home at 6pm, but they kept us til 7pm. Lame! After leaving, I got dinner at Dairy Queen. I was starving!

On the 26th, I got to train at Kiddy. Chris was the trainer, and I was in a group with Tarshikka, Kayge (a ride op who had previously worked at Kennywood and was a first-year at CP), and Isaiah. Chris had us all run one cycle at Mustangs (the “Hampton sample” since all the Hamptons run the same), Roto Whip (which was a lot like a Hampton, except without the umbrella and with magnetic gates and a lapbar secured with a strap), Sky Fighters (which went up into the air), Helicopters (which used a foot pedal instead of a presence button, and also went up into the air), and 4x4s (which had manual jogs, which is not fun!). After I signed off on all my training papers, I went off to clean.

On the 27th, I started off with cleaning until Eric (my sup from last year) asked for some volunteers in Kiddy to help him commission Dodgems. Chris sent me (yay!), Isaiah, Lacey, Savannah, and Olivia. We drove the cars around in circles, which wasn’t as fun as it sounds. I got called to train at the Kiddy Kingdom Carousel, which was finally given state approval to run. Eileen knew it would be an easy task to train me there since I worked Cedar Downs the year before. I ran the cycle exactly like I would have ran Cedar Downs, and Eileen passed me. I signed off on the paper and was asked to send Savannah to train. I took Savannah’s spot in Dodgems and continued helping to commission. After the commissioning was done, it was back to cleaning.

That night, Russell and Tee were up at CP for the first rider event. He let me know that he had my new glasses and asked where to meet me. I suggested Dairy Queen, but then when I realized it closed at 9pm, I suggested McDonald’s. We met there, I got my new glasses, and we spent a bit of time together.

The 28th consisted of more cleaning and running rides, since the 29th was Family and Friends Day, meaning we’d have riders! I was nervous to have people, but I knew I was ready. The next day, I showed up with coffee and my water bottle in tow (lawlz) and chose to start off at Mustangs. Since we were only open for three hours, I knew that I THANKFULLY would not have to run 4x4s (the rotation went Mustangs, Police Cars, Rock Spin and Turn, Carousel, Roto Whip, Dune Buggies, Sky Fighters, Helicopters, 4x4s, Motorcycles, and Space Age). The day was pretty easy.

The next day was our day off. Only productive thing I did was go to Walmart to buy a backpack and a watch, since I wasn’t allowed to wear my Fitbit at work. Who knew that a Fitbit counted as a “smart watch?” At least that’s what corporate said...

May

On Tuesday, May 1st, I reported to the boat, since we were supposed to be training at our contracted rides. I met Kel (the sup) and Mario and Olivia were contracted to the boat too. Kel then got a call that me and Olivia had to go to Planet Snoopy to train (boooo!) and Mario had to go to Sky Ride. It was a sad day that led to another week of not being at the boat. I got to Planet, and saw that Cieara, Sam, Savannah, Isaiah, Chris (well, obviously), Lacey, and Eileen were all training at Planet as well. Audrey (who was my TL last year, and now the TL at Kiddy), Amanda (the sup of maXair), Kim (the TL of Windseeker), and Kendra (the TL of Planet) were there too. Everyone who was in a leadership position got trained that day, leaving everyone else to clean. After leadership was trained, they started to commission the rides. Chris sent me, Olivia, and Isaiah to help commission Joe Cool’s Dodgem School since we were the smallest weight-wise and could fit in the cars (I ended up being the only one to fit comfortably since Olivia and Isaiah were 6 feet tall and I’m 5′5″). Kim controlled the ride and set the speed to its highest setting. When Chris came to check on us and saw how fast we were going, he put the speed back to where it should be and told Kim not to mess with it. As we were finishing up, Lacey, Eileen, and Audrey all came over and asked to switch out. Lacey took my spot and I went back to cleaning.

The next day, I trained at Planet. Every single ride was operated exactly the same with a foot pedal and magnetic gates. Chris trained me and Olivia and had us run a cycle of each ride since all the rides moved differently. The only ride I didn’t get to train at was Snoopy’s Express since the train was out of commission. After we got done training, Chris asked me to continue commissioning Flying Ace Balloon Race since the person commissioning yesterday only got 15 cycles done. I worked on Balloon Race for awhile until Cieara asked me if I would switch with her and commission Road Rally. I agreed and we switched spots. I saw rain clouds begin to form as I was finishing up Road Rally, so I sped up since it can’t run in rain. I thankfully finished commissioning just in time. As I went to turn in the paperwork, it started to rain. I went back to cleaning after I was done.

Thursday was the day I ended up getting frustrated. The area supervisor kept trying to keep us later and later. Our end time was 6pm, and they originally said they were keeping us til 7pm, which wasn’t bad. They then said we were getting a 45 minute dinner break and staying til 9pm. Then they extended it til 10pm, 11pm, and finally midnight. I was livid! They were only keeping us so late because Raptor and Windseeker were still commissioning, so they were punishing the whole area instead of just those two rides. It was terrible! Everyone in Area 2 had gone home, and the only people in Area 3 still at work were the Steel Vengeance crew. Since Planet was spotless, Chris sent us all to help clean Windseeker while they were commissioning. We all worked hard, and at 11:15pm, Kim decided to call Herbert and ask him if we could go home since the ride was clean and they’d come in early tomorrow to commission. Herbert arrived, looked around, and approved us all to go home, holding Kim to her word that she and everyone else training at Windseeker would be in at 8am.

May 5th-6th was Opening Weekend. I spent the first half of the day at Kiddy, and the second half at Planet. How we operated it since we didn’t have enough staffing to work both was Kiddy was open from 10am-3pm, and Planet was open from 5pm-10pm. 3pm-4pm was our linner break, and at 4pm, we did opening procedures for Planet.

May 7th was our day off, and on May 8th, I FINALLY got to train at the boat. I had to train at Midway Carousel too, but that was easy since I was already trained at Kiddy Kingdom Carousel and it was exactly the same. Same amount of ride units, same cycle length, even the same music! After we trained, we cleaned the rides, and then we all took turns running the rides and riding them.

The euphoria of being at my contracted ride was short-lived, as I had to spend the weekend split between Planet and Kiddy. This time, since staffing was up, I spent the first half of the day at Planet and the second half at Kiddy, taking my 45 at Planet, and my 30 and 15 at Kiddy.

After that weekend, the park was open daily. I was always at either Planet or Kiddy. If I was ever at the boat, I’d always be sent to Planet or Kiddy shortly afterwards. It felt like I was contracted there instead of OMO. One day, I showed up at the boat, and it was just me and Kel. Mario had become notorious for being late and we were surprised Olivia hadn’t shown up. I was thinking maybe Mario and Olivia were carpooling, but when Mario showed up and not Olivia, Kel called for a higher-up. Turns out, Olivia had quit, so it was just the three of us now.

May 16th was Russell’s birthday. I was off that day, and since I couldn’t spend it with him since he was 90 minutes away and at work, I took the opportunity to get my first ride on Steel Vengeance. It was about a 90 minute wait since they were only running one train due to mechanical issues (the running joke was Steel Vengeance had a Mean Streak), so it wasn’t bad at all. I was assigned towards the back and seated with a stranger. He seemed a bit nervous to be seated next to a girl, but I assured him that I wasn’t scared and loved rollercoasters. My heart was pounding as we went up the lift hill and because I was in the back, as soon as the rest of the train cleared the lift, we were quickly thrown down the hill. I was hooting and hollering the whole ride. It was fun! By the time the ride ended, I was breathless. We got off, and the man sitting next to me shook my hand and said he had fun riding with me. I happily grabbed my stuff out of the locker and decided to splurge on a Steel Vengeance t-shirt to commemorate my first ride.

Memorial Day weekend, Russell and Tee spent the weekend at the resort as a combination of his birthday and Mother’s Day celebration. Saturday, Russell invited me to spend the night with them. I got off at 8pm, and we went to Bay Harbor for dinner. It was a huge ripoff. I could have gotten the same dish at Olive Garden for half the price. We then went for a swim in the pool. I was off that Sunday (May 27th), so we went to the park together. We went on Windseeker, which Russell was terrified of. When the ride was stopping, he said to me, “You know, this ride really isn’t as bad.” In that moment, like word vomit, I said to him, “There’s something I’ve wanted to say to you all day.” He looked at me nervously, and I said, “I love you.” Things were quiet for a moment and I said, “If you’re not ready to say it back, it’s ok. I just wanted to put it out there that that’s how I feel.” Later that night, we were in the pool again, and he said, “So, do you remember what you said on Windseeker?” I asked him what about it, and he replied, “I love you too.” I was a little skeptical and asked if he really did or if he was saying it because I said it. “No, I’ve loved you for a while now. I was just waiting for you to say it first.”

May 28th was Memorial Day. I was a little bummed out because I wanted to see Journey and Def Leppard, but I was at work. I opened the carousel that day, and as I was hanging out waiting for riders, a storm began brewing in. I was a bit nervous because the roof of the carousel was made of tin. As I was nervously standing by the horses to avoid the storm, I heard someone call out to me. I looked over and saw a blonde girl walk up to me. “Hey, I’m Katie! I’m the TL!” she said. I smiled at her and introduced myself back. She asked if I had met Kel, and I told her I have and he was over at the boat. She then headed over there, and I was left by myself again. Eventually, Kel called over and told me to take the carousel down because of the storm, and I ran over to the boat because I didn’t want to be by myself.

June

June 2nd was my mom’s birthday, and I got to go home that night since I was off on the 3rd and my cousin’s daughter was being baptized. It was good being home for a bit. I went back that evening.

Around this time, I started getting closer to Mario. I was annoyed by him because he was always late and seemed so careless, which irritated me because he was the in-charge (I couldn’t be the in-charge since I was always being sent to Planet). One day, we were down for rain. Herbert wanted us to go back up, but Katie refused because it was raining and she didn’t want to boat to catch fire. Mario returned from break while I was sitting in controls eating a snack and Katie was arguing with Herbert. When I saw Herbert walking to the booth, I stuffed the rest of my snack into my mouth, and Mario made a sound effect to go along with it. I started laughing and asked why he did that, and he said that’s what it looked like. In that moment, I realized Mario wasn’t so bad after all. Herbert made me run a cycle of the boat and, when it didn’t show any signs of slippage, he made us go back up, despite it still pouring down rain. I was then sent to the carousel and Mario was sent home. He came to talk to me for a minute and invited me to go on Professor Delbert’s Frontier Fling with him. I accepted the offer, and we planned for the 12th since he was an O-4 and I was the cutback.

Also, around this time, I met Bailey, Estefany, Deannia, and Mustafa. We all became like family to each other.

On the 12th, I went on Frontier Fling with Mario. I was off the next day, so Russell made the trip up to see me and spend time with me. He watched the two of us on Frontier Fling (he was too scared to join us) and laughed at how loudly I screamed. We then went to see what the wait time was for Steel Vengeance, since it was still on single-train operation. It was a 75 minute wait. Russell didn’t want to wait that long, but Mario did, so we let Mario go ride and me and Russell decided to go to the hotel.

*THIS PART IS A LITTLE TMI* Russell brought his Switch along and we played Strip Mario Kart. When I lost, I was nervous about taking off my underwear, so we went into the bathroom and I pulled them off. I was terrified being naked in front of him. He took off his underwear too, making us both naked in the bathroom. We kissed, and then I giggled at the realization that we were standing in the bathroom, naked, and kissing. We then got into the shower together. Once we were done, we got into the bed and made out. We then did some inappropriate things (not sex though).

The next morning, we got breakfast in the hotel, and then we went inside the waterpark that was in the hotel. It wasn’t really that impressive. The water coaster was fun and the jacuzzi was great, but the water slide wasn’t fun (water got in my nose, and I couldn’t breathe. When I got into the water, I thought I was going to die for a few seconds until I remembered the pool where I landed was three feet deep and I could stand up. I stood up, took in a big breath, and saw Russell racing towards me because I was under for a bit longer than I thought. The lifeguard asked if I was good, and I nodded). We left the waterpark after a while, and then decided to go to CP for some fun.

On the 14th, I sadly had to go back to work. I put on my uniform and we got breakfast at McDonald’s. While eating, I saw my cousin and her kids. I waved them over and introduced them to Russell. My cousin asked what time I got on, and when I told her 11am, she said she’d stop by to see me (which ended up not happening. I’m thinking she probably stopped by while I was on break). Russell then dropped me off in the employee parking lot, and I waved as he drove back home.

Around this time, I started having trouble with my wisdom teeth. As you may remember from 2017, the right side of my mouth was giving me issues. This time, it was my left side. It was almost excruciating. I cried at work a few times because the pain was so bad and Advil and Tylenol were not helping at all.

The rest of the month was pretty dull. Though, at some point towards the end of the month, I watched The Incredibles 2. It was, well, incredible. MUCH worth 14 year wait.

July

July started off ok. I was still having problems with my wisdom teeth, but I was pushing through it the best I can.

On the Fourth of July, I worked the opening shift (because I requested to have the fifth off). After getting off work, I went to chill in my room for a while since the park was crowded and I didn’t feel like standing in the heat. When the sun started setting, I went back to the park and rode some rollies. I was going to hang out with Mario because he was supposed to be off at 9pm, but apparently the closing shift was taking their sweet time with breaks, so I ended up being on my own. I watched the fireworks show and then Mario found me. We rode some rollies together and then decided to hang out at the boat. When the park closed, I went to the “food festival” the park was having for employees, but nothing looked appetizing to me, so I left, thankful I was off the next day.

On July 9th, I was off... and so was Mario. When we found out we had the same day off, he asked what we were doing. Without skipping a beat, I told him we were riding Steel Vengeance. That morning, I had to run to Walmart and asked if he wanted to come with me (I needed to buy tampons, Orajel, and mac n cheese. I of course ended up buying some shit I didn’t need too). Mario came with me, and we kinda went our separate ways while shopping because he didn’t want to go into the tampon aisle. We met up after we were done, stopped at employee housing to drop off our stuff, and then we went on our way to the park. We had a ton of fun riding all the rides. Towards the end of the night, we rode Maverick, and the operators allowed rerides since there was nobody in line. We rode three times without needing to get back in line, though we did have to change seats once because someone was in line for our row. By the time we left, it was 11:05pm (five minutes after park close). Mario wanted to ride Steel Vengeance again, and we were a good five minute walk from there. I told him he had three minutes before they closed the line and I didn’t want to run, so he took off. I asked him the next day if he made it, and he said he did.

In late July, I took three days off because I needed a break and was hoping to see my dentist. I went home and, while I wasn’t able to see the dentist, I was able to see Russell on July 25th, since I hadn’t seen him since June. We got dinner together and hung out.

August

On August 5th, I was off, so Russell and Tee came up to visit the park and spend time with me. We rode a bunch of rides and had tons of fun. They left around 9pm since they had to work the next day, and I went to get some rest since I knew work was going to be brutal.

August was a pretty rough month. I was sick to death of the same old cycle of rotating between the boat and carousel. My schedule started becoming more hectic as Stef left on the 15th, Deannia left on the 24th, Bailey left on the 26th, and Katie left daily operations on the 25th (she’d return for Halloweekends though). Mustafa had been moved to Blue Streak, so it was only me, Mario, Kel, and whoever else was cross-trained that could come work. Because I was still sent to Planet and Kiddy quite a bit, they often would have to scrounge up two people. On top of that, Katie and Kel had no choice but to make me an in-charge since both of them were gone on Labor Day weekend and they couldn’t have Mario be the only in-charge.

Also, because Mario was late so often, the manager said that if he was one minute late ever again, he was getting fired. One morning, I knew he had to be in at 9am because he was at another ride. I was running the carousel, and as it was going, I saw Mario arrive. I looked at my watch. 9:25am. I gave him a sad look and shook my head, and he said, “I’m so sorry.” I broke down in tears. He was my best friend and honestly my only motivator for coming to work. After the cycle ended, I had nobody in line, so I called over to OMO. Katie answered and upon hearing my sobs, said to me, “Listen, I know you’re upset and I wish I could give you a hug right now, but you need to pull yourself together. Mario knew this could happen, and I don’t need you being sad right now. Be sad on your break. I love you, but please calm down.” Thankfully, Mario ended up not getting fired because he had a legitimate excuse for being late and the manager gave him another chance.

On August 27th, I had an appointment with the employee clinic. A couple weeks prior, I was experiencing migraines and nothing was making them go away. Not Advil, not Tylenol, not coffee, not ASMR videos, not even praying. I talked to the doctor about how I was feeling. I described all my symptoms (pain located on the right side of my head, nausea, sensitivity to light, sensitivity to loud noises, and the pain was so bad that it made me cry during work. I hadn’t called off though because I didn’t want to let anyone down. The doctor asked when my next day off was, and I said Friday. She said she didn’t want me to wait that long, so she gave me a medical excuse to get the day off so I could get Excedrin. I walked to park op and talked to Ashley (one of the operations supervisors). She saw how bad I felt about taking the day off, but she said, “I appreciate that you’ve been pushing through the migraines, but I think you need to listen to the doctor on this one. I promise you aren’t letting the crew down. We’ll find someone to take your spot. Get the medicine and feel better. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I tried to sneak out so nobody on the crew saw me leave, but Jana saw me and ratted me out. Thankfully, after taking the Excedrin, I felt much better. I was afraid Kel would be mad the next morning, but he wasn’t mad at all. He asked if I was feeling better, and I just said, “Excedrin is magic. The migraines that have bothered me for the past two weeks are gone.”

August 30th was the roughest day yet. I started that day as the cutback, meaning I opened and left when breaks were done. I was supposed to be the first break. Come 11am, I saw that Kel, Mario, and Jana (an international who worked at Cads) were all at the boat, and wondered why I wasn’t sent on break. Before I had the chance to call and see what’s up, Kel called me and said, “You’re going to Planet. When Mustafa gets here, you’re going over there.” I was not happy to hear that! I wanted to go on break. When Mustafa came to the carousel with my bag, I wished him luck and sulked to Planet. After dropping off my stuff, Chris asked me what my shift was. I told him cutback, and he said he’d send me on break next and to send Emylee to Raptor. I ran one cycle at Snoopy’s Express when I was sent on break. That was fast! I told Chris I was taking an hour break and left. After break, I was sent to Road Rally. Noooo! I was at Road Rally for four hours til Chris came over and sent me to Deep Sea Divers because the person there needed to go to First Aid. I was getting impatient because it was 5pm and there were tons of breaks left. I was at Divers for about five minutes when Chris came to me again. He asked me the one question I thought he’d never ask... “Can you go to Cads?” Cads?? I went, not bringing my bag because I didn’t think I’d be there long. When I got there, Holly (the TL) filled me in on the details: she sent someone to HR hours ago and she never returned, and they had to give the cutback to an international because he had to process out or else he becomes “undocumented.” Since I was an in-charge at Cads in 2017, Herbert figured he could just throw me into position. She asked if I needed her to retrain me, and I said, “No. I got this.” I jumped cars *just like old times* and saw Josh (a regular from last year) who got excited to see me. Once breaks were done at Cads, Holly verified that I was ok with staying another two hours, and I said it was fine, but would it be ok if I ran to Planet really quick to get my bag. Holly said yes and told me to take my time since I *technically* needed a 15 since my shift was now an O-C. I got my bag and returned to Cads as promised. Holly then asked me if I wanted to close Cedar Downs since she previously heard me call it “my baby.” I said yes, and Kyle (the sup. Oh yeah, Lacey demoted herself to TL and took a position at another ride) handed me the keys when I got there. He teased me about working yet another carousel, and I just laughed. I got my spiel mixed up a few times because I was so used to Midway Carousel, but I managed to get it together. I thankfully only had one guest issue because he thought his little kid could ride, but he thankfully didn’t yell at me (so many people yelled at me last year!). At the end of the night, I was exhausted. Who knew being pinballed all over Area 1 could be so exhausting?

On August 31st, guess who made their return? That’s right: Russell and Tee! I was happy to see them. I was off that day, so I met up with them and we first dropped off our stuff at the hotel. Afterward, we went to Walmart and Cracker Barrel. I felt sad though because Russell was having coughing fits and I wanted him to feel better. That night, Russell decided to nap while me and Tee went into the park. We got our last ride on Witches’ Wheel (RIP 1977-2018) and also rode Magnum, Pipe Scream, and Maverick (mainly out of spite since it’s Russell’s favorite coaster).

September

On September 1st, I didn’t have to be in til 11am (#bless) but that also made me the closing in-charge. I left the hotel room around 10:30am because I had to stop at Wardrobe and Starbucks. When I was at Wardrobe, I went to get my ID, and found Tee’s season pass with it. I gasped in horror because I completely forgot she gave it to me. After getting a clean uniform, I bolted back to the hotel and to the room. I knocked, when Tee answered, I gave her the season pass back. “I’m so sorry. I completely forgot I had it. I have to run now.” Tee laughed and said, “Yes, you do. Run!” I made it to work right on time and took charge sending breaks. The day went relatively smoothly. No big issues at all. At the end of the night, it was me, Louie (who worked Gemini), and Xavier (who worked at Windseeker). I took controls during the last half hour so I could organize paperwork to make closing easier. After both rides were closed, I sent them home and told them I’d see them bright and early. I finished up the paperwork and went to file it. Once everything was done, I texted Russell that I was on my way back. I got there, took a quick shower, and got into bed next to him, not looking forward to tomorrow morning.

On September 2nd, I was the opening in-charge, meaning I had to be at work at least 15 minutes early. I set my alarm for 7am since I was on-site at the resort, and when Russell woke up with me, I quietly whined that I didn’t want to go. He helped me up and I got dressed into my uniform. He then walked with me to the entrance. He kissed my forehead goodbye (he was afraid he’d be contagious) and said he’d see me later (he and Tee were leaving that afternoon) and I went off to get breakfast before heading to park op. I then picked up the folder and keys, and went off to the ride. I sat alone and ate my breakfast while waiting for Louie and Xavier. When they showed up, I told them to decobweb the carousel. I worked on organizing the morning paperwork. I glanced over at the carousel about 20-past and they were goofing around. I called over and asked if they finished decobwebbing, when they didn’t give a coherent answer, I sighed and told them they had 10 minutes to decobweb before we had to do opening procedures. After 10 minutes, I saw they were still goofing around. I sighed again and called them again, telling them to come over for preopening. Because Xavier was the cutback, I had him open the carousel, and I had Louie open the boat with me. It felt weird being on the other side of opening the boat, since I’m so used to pressing the button and giving the “all clear” signal. Once preopening was done, I had Louie test-ride the carousel, and had Xavier test-ride the boat. At 11:20am, Mario arrived. Naturally, I was ticked, but I kept my cool and asked if he called park op. He said he did and explained that the bus schedule was off. I nodded, and wrote his explanation in the notes section. First breaks went off without a hitch. Xavier, me, and Louie all took hour breaks, and Mario took a 45. I went to send Xavier on his 15, and when he didn’t come back after 15 minutes, I thought maybe he was taking a 30 because he forgot he took an hour. Hey, shit happens. I saw Xavier pass the carousel and thought he was going to clock back in from break. When I wasn’t sent on a 15 after a few minutes, I looked over and saw Xavier was nowhere to be found. I called the boat and asked where Xavier was. Turns out, Xavier interpreted “go on your 15″ as “go home.” What? After an hour and no break help, Mario sent Louie over to rotate me out. After another hour (at this point, 45 minutes before we close), Jana came over for break help. Jana looked upset at first and asked me if she was here for the rest of the night. I told her no, and that she was only here for half an hour so Mario could go on break (both me and Louie forgoed our 15′s, since they’re optional. However, 30′s are mandatory). Jana looked relieved, and, to our delight, the ride went down for weather. We hid in the control booth and, when Mario returned, we sent Jana back to Cads.

September 3rd was the last day of daily operation, and Kel had returned (hooray!). It was kinda bittersweet to not be at the park daily, but it was a huge relief too.

September 4th was the scariest day ever. Me and Russell have a thing where we don’t got a day without talking. I texted him as usual, and when I didn’t get a response, I was a little concerned. By 10pm, I still had gotten nothing from him. I looked at the messages from the night before, and they were all good messages. Around 10:45pm, I sent him a message (admittedly out of spite) that said, “Ok, I’m going to guess you were super busy today lol. I’m going to bed now because I’m exhausted. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight, babe. I love you.” I was hoping that would trigger some kind of response, but it didn’t. I began running worst case scenarios in my head. My biggest fear was he was either dead or cheating on me. I was more worried than I was angry. I laid in bed and cried, because I didn’t know what was wrong.

Needless to say, I did not sleep well that night. I kept waking up and checking my phone, just hoping for some kind of text from him. Around 9am, I got a text. I didn’t even want to look at my phone at that point, because I was afraid I’d be getting my hopes up and that the text would be from Ashlyn or my aunt or something. I reluctantly looked, just in case. Sure enough, it was Russell. “Hey, baby. I am sooo sorry about yesterday. I got admitted into the hospital yesterday, but don’t panic. I was only admitted as a precaution because my oxygen levels were low. Turns out I have pneumonia after all lol. I would’ve told you yesterday, but my phone died and I didn’t have a charger on me. I hope you’re doing well. I love you, baby.” Tears filled my eyes, and I muttered that he was an ass. I replied to him, and we talked. (PS: Yes, he knows all about how I felt. We had this conversation later on and he almost got upset when he found out that he had me worried, but I told him that it was kinda a good thing too because it shows how deeply I care about him).

September 5th was also the first day of dance classes. I had ballet on Wednesdays and tap on Thursdays. I chose not to do jazz since the advanced class does hip-hop (which is not my forte) and the adult class is too basic for my repertoire.

September 8th, it was back to the old grind. I came into work at 8am and we cleaned the rides super good. I was happy to see Katie again though.

September 9th, Russell was released from the hospital (yay!) and it was Mustafa’s last day (boo!). He stayed in Sandusky til the 16th though and stopped by the boat to say goodbye to all of us.

Starting September 14th was Halloweekends. I was at Planet on Fridays, and at OMO Saturdays and Sundays (though there was one weekend I was at Planet all weekend, and the last two weekends, I was at OMO all weekend and Katie went to Planet because she was the TL there last year).

September 23rd was Jana’s last day. I was at Planet all weekend, meaning Jana was at OMO. I passed her on my way out, and Jana hugged me and kissed both cheeks. I was sad she was leaving because she was fun.

On September 27th, I had my consultation for my wisdom teeth surgery. The surgeon said he would’ve liked it if I were a couple years younger since my wisdom teeth were pushing on my molars, but it was ok and I’d “probably live.” (he said that as a joke because he could tell I was nervous). The surgery was scheduled for November 8th. Hooray.

That’s about it for September.

October

October wasn’t all too exciting either. I got into the rhythm of dance and work. I was meanwhile trying to find another job since I can’t go back to CP for summer 2019 (way too busy, with the dance recital in 2019 and a coaster trip in the works with Russell).

On October 19th, Russell and Tee came up for the weekend. It was great to spend time with them, albeit not much since I was working all day. That Friday, they visited me while I was working the carousel. The Saturday, they visited me both at the carousel and at the boat (I was working platform and they asked me if I wanted anything from McDonald’s. No, thank you. I don’t get off for another 75 minutes, plus if I eat before sleeping, I won’t sleep lol). The Sunday, they came to see me at the boat, and I happened to be in the control booth at the time. I didn’t notice them by the booth til the ride was stopping (Russell kept making faces at me to get my attention lol). When they were loading, Katie got back from her break (finally lol, We had to hold breaks for two hours because they sent Blake (the sup of Sky Ride) to Raptor and wouldn’t give us break help). As Katie signed for her break, I notified her, that my boyfriend was on the boat (71, my team lol) and that I was going to run the ride in manual (but only a little since we had a line). I ran in the ride in manual and let it swing in full power for 75 seconds (in automatic mode, it only swings in full power for 60 seconds). After the ride stopped, it was my turn on break, so I left with my bag to finally get some lunch. My boyfriend asked where I was going, and I told him lunch. He asked if I planned to leave when they got there, and I said no, I was supposed to go on break hours ago. He told me he was leaving, but would return next weekend because many of the rides were down for wind during the weekend, and he wanted the chance to ride more. He also offered to help me move out, and I accepted.

The 28th was the most bittersweet day of work. Kel and Katie established that nobody was getting a cutback to make closing fast and easy. We closed the boat 10 minutes early and the carousel five minutes early. We then got to work on cleaning the carousel super duper good. It was raining that day, so we spent the downtime at the boat cleaning everything. Once we agreed that the carousel was as clean as it would get (it IS 106 years old, after all), we called for area supervision to approve us to leave. While waiting for Herbert, I went to sign my name in the shed with Katie. Katie then gave me a heartfelt speech about how she loved working with me, even though we butted heads a few times. I gave her a heartfelt speech back about how much I appreciated her as a TL. We hugged, and Katie said, “You give really good hugs.” We laughed, and after a few moments, she added, “We should probably head back to controls before Kel thinks we’re making out.” Herbert messed with us a bit before saying, “You’re all good. Bye!” Kel and Mario went to sign their names too, and I gave Mario a big hug, with tears in my eyes, and told him I love him. Mario said he loves me too, and Katie demanded that she gets invited to our wedding. I clocked out for the last time, and went to process out so I could move out. Processing out was fairly easy. By the time I was all processed out and ready to move out, it was already 10pm. I texted Russell to let him know I was on my way back, and he said he’d meet me in the Commons lot. When I got there, I was nervous about talking to security, but it was thankfully a guard who likes me. “Hey, so they’re here to help me move out. Is that ok? Do they need to sign in?” The guard shook his head and laughed. Moving out wasn’t too bad since I packed most of my stuff already (just had to pack my pillows and blankets lol). Getting everything to the car was an adventure since one of my totes weighed more than I did. Soon enough, we got to my house, unloaded everything into the basement, and decided to let Tee (who was with us, btw) meet Seamus (my dog). She thought he was the cutest little dog ever.

On Halloween, I realized at 4:30pm we had no candy for the trick or treaters. How rude! I ran to Walmart, and Walmart had already set out their Christmas candy. No Halloween candy in sight. I ended up buying a Snickers variety, Reese’s, Dubble Bubble (my mom insists on this. Idk why), M&Ms, and gummies for the trick or treaters, and Almond Joys for myself. I then dressed into my Big Bird onesie and passed out candy to the trick or treaters.

November

November 6th, I voted ALL blue. Ok, MOSTLY blue. I voted for one red, because the blue candidate was an asshat. He apparently refused to test rape kits, which was a huge turn-off for me. Plus, the red candidate acted more Democrat than the actual Democrat candidate.

November 8th was wisdom teeth surgery day. I was nervous as all heck, but it ended up not being bad at all. I didn’t look when they put in the IV (my veins suck) and I was knocked out pretty quickly after the medicine was in (then again, my surgery was at 8:30am, so I may have fallen asleep on my own accord and they waited to make sure I was fully out). I can remember some things that were said while I was asleep (which freaked out one of the dentists) and everything that I said after I woke up. Contrary to popular belief, getting ‘loopy’ and ‘high’ isn’t too common after getting them removed. The first thing I said was, “Did the surgery happen yet?” because I thought I had only been asleep for five minutes. The dentist said yes, and went to get the surgeon, and I asked again because I didn’t know if she said yes to me or someone else. I looked at the clock, and noticed I was out for an hour. My whole mouth was numb, so I really didn’t know if it happened or not. The dentist returned, and asked for my mother’s name. I told her, and she left again. She then returned again and my mom was with her. The surgeon then came in and asked if I had questions, I asked him if it was over, and he said yes. I then asked to see the teeth, and he said no because they were in pieces and already thrown out (the dentist thought it was hilarious though). The surgeon then reminded me to not use straws til the wounds were closed, to replace the gauze as often as I needed, and to eat soft foods and incorporate more as I’m comfortable. He then wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic and a prescription for Vicodin. We stopped at CVS to get the medicine, and that’s when my mouth began to hurt. My mom was hesitant to let me take the Vicodin because she was afraid I’d develop an addiction (I kinda was too because I watched every episode of House MD, but I also thought that I was smart and knew when I had a problem).

The bleeding in my mouth stopped after a day and a half, the pain subsided after three days (I never once took a Vicodin), and I was able to eat most foods that weren’t super crunchy (e.g. chips, carrot sticks, crackers, popcorn) and drink from a straw within 10 days.

On November 21st, I went to Georgia with Russell and Tee for Thanksgiving. The trip down took about 13 hours (lots of traffic and construction, plus counting in time to eat and go to the bathroom), and I slept in the backseat for some of the trip. When we got to his aunt’s house, we were greeted by his two cousins (Cailen and Jacob) and Cailen’s boyfriend. His aunts (Sherrie and Tracy) joined us a few minutes later with pizza. Tracy first saw Russell and gave him a hug, and then she saw me sitting in a chair in the corner. She went up to me and said, “We’re a family of huggers, so get used to it.” I laughed and hugged her, saying I was a hugger too. We ate pizza together and his family asked questions to get to know me. Russell thankfully told them ahead of time to not be offended if I’m quiet at first, and that I’d be more open with them after I warm up to them. At bedtime, we put sheets on Sherrie’s roommate’s bed (who had left for the holiday) and fell asleep.

November 22nd was Thanksgiving. I sound asleep until I woke up to Russell shaking my shoulder. I opened one eye, and Russell asked me what I wanted from Starbucks. I muttered my order and fell back asleep. I ended up getting out of bed a few minutes later, and saw the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade was on (I never watched it as a kid). Sherrie asked me if I wanted to taste-test a new recipe of hers, and I said yes. She made pumpkin waffles. The first batch looked good, but didn’t taste like much and had a pillowy texture. I didn’t hate it though. The second batch was ugly looking, but it tasted better and the texture was pancake-like. Russell returned with Starbucks, doughnuts, and McDonald’s breakfast. He got me an Egg McMuffin, and I gave him the Canadian bacon. After breakfast was done, we relaxed for a bit before starting making dinner. I helped out in the kitchen by pitching ideas and finding casserole dishes. While the cooking was going on, we played What Do You Meme and Social Destruction. One moment I’ll remember most was when Russell was talking about all the places he was applying, and he jokingly asked me if I would move to Pittsburgh with him, and I sincerely answered with, “Yes.” When dinner was ready, Tracy went to say the blessing, and Russell kept poking my ribcage, which made me laugh and made Tracy irritated. Once the blessing was done, we ate. It was a great dinner, and the chocolate pecan pie was amazing. After dinner was done, we watched the football game and Jacob kept bugging Russell to play video games. At bedtime, Russell asked me if I meant it when I said yes to moving with him, and I nodded. He then snuggled me and said, “That means a lot to me that you would move with me. The fact that you didn’t even hesitate to say yes or even ask if we could talk about that. The fact that you would move with me, it’s how I know this relationship is for real and that we’ll be together for a long time.”

On November 23rd, I woke up to Sherrie knocking and asking if I wanted to go to Bath and Body Works. Hell yeah, I wanna go! I took a quick shower, and then me, Sherrie, and Tee were on our way (Russell didn’t want to go lol). There was a deal that if you spent $30, you got a tote for $30. I definitely wanted that deal, and I ended up spending.. $144. Oops! We then stopped at Starbucks, and I got a souvenir mug with Georgia on it as well as coffee. We then stopped at home and hung out for a bit while waiting for Cailen to get off work so we could go shopping at The Mall of Georgia. Once we got the message that Cailen was off, we met her at her workplace and went to stop at Cook Out to meet up with Russell’s friend Monkey (not his real name) and his girlfriend Laikyn. I just got a milkshake since we planned to go to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. We all then went to the mall, with Sherrie and Tee in one car, Monkey and Laikyn in another, and me, Russell, Cailen, and her boyfriend in another. The parking lot was PACKED. It took Sherrie about five minutes to get a spot, Monkey about 20 minutes, and it took Russell an hour. Fun stuff. We met up with them at Bath and Body Works (Sherrie found the color tote she wanted there) and then we went off to Spencer’s. I have no idea how, but I managed to spend more at Spencer’s than I did at Bath and Body Works. $153. Whoops! We then went to Cheesecake Factory to get a table, and there was a 45 minute wait. They gave us a buzzer, and we went to Books-a-Million to wait since it was cold and raining outside. We browsed around, and Russell found a book called Gray’s Anatomy (I laughed, and told him the show was Grey’s with an e, not an a). We went back to Cheesecake Factory about 30 minutes later, and we got our table pretty soon afterwards. I got a pasta dish, and it was pretty subpar. I then shared an Oreo cheesecake with Russell since I’m not the biggest fan of cheesecake.

On the 24th, I got to meet Russell’s grandmother, Tee’s mother, Miss Linda (that’s how she introduced herself to me). I was nervous to meet her since she has dementia and lives in assisted living. I was polite and courteous throughout. She asked me for my name a few times, and she asked me what I like to do for fun. I mentioned that I’m a dancer, and she called me Twinkle Toes. After our visit (we only stayed about 20 minutes, since Miss Linda would probably forget we were ever there anyway), we went to Captain D’s, which is a much better version than Long John Silver’s. After lunch, we made the drive down to Commerce, which is where Russell grew up. He gave me a little tour of where he lived, where he went to school, and a hospital that Miss Linda used to run, and I laughed upon seeing a furniture store called Badcock. We were waiting for Russell’s friend Sergio to get off work, so we went to pass time at Tanger Outlets, where I’ve never been before. We drove around, looking at the stores that were there, and out of all the stores there, I wanted to stop at the cookie shop. After we finished driving around Tanger Outlets, we went to Starbucks. Finally, Sergio was off, so we went to see him. We only stayed for a few minutes, and we invited Sergio to come over tomorrow to play games. We then got back to Sherrie’s house and ate our leftovers from Cheesecake Factory.

On the 25th, we decided to stay at home and chill. Sherrie asked me to go to Starbucks with her, and I went because Starbucks. At 3:30pm, Monkey and Sergio came over, and Cailen came over around 4pm to play too. At 6pm, Cailen left, and we went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. I got a marg and vegetarian nachos, and the marg ended up being stronger than expected. I became dubbed as “drunky” because of how out of it I was after drinking it. I couldn’t remember much of what happened, except for telling everyone how much I love Russell, wanting to go to Atlanta Beach, and rapping Anaconda. Oh, another thing. When Monkey asked me how I met Russell, I kept answering, “Fire Emblem” because Russell doesn’t want Tee to know we met online, let alone on Tinder, and I don’t like lying (Russell had told everyone we met at school, which really isn’t logical since I’ve never gone to his university. The lie I ended up creating was I was with my sister for a college visit and we met while I was there). Russell, Monkey, Sergio, and Tee all played Mario Kart, and I watched.

The next morning, me and Russell woke up, and he asked if I remembered last night. I shook my head, and he filled me in on all the details. I laughed. I then got up to shower since we had to head back to Ohio (back to reality). As we were getting ready to go, Sherrie got up and gave us Christmas presents. I was surprised she got me something too. She got me a pair of leg-warmers, which I was happy about since I could always use leg-warmers in ballet class. I thanked her, and after everything was packed, we went on our way... but first, we stopped in South Carolina to see Russell’s friend Mole (whom I had spoken to on the phone a bit). We met at Mole’s workplace and we talked for a bit. It was good to have a face to his name after speaking to him. After leaving, Russell wanted to see Clemson University, since that’s where Mole goes. After taking a little unofficial tour, we went to Waffle House to get some breakfast. We then hit the road on our way home. Traffic was much better on the way back home... til we got to Ohio. It started snowing pretty hard, and people don’t know how to drive in snow in Ohio. When I saw we were going 30 miles per hour on the highway and had passed a few spin-outs/wrecks, I called my mom and asked her not to take the highway on the way home from the studio. We got to my house safe and sound, and I found Seamus in the living room by himself. I took him outside, and kissed Russell goodbye since he had finals coming up and I wouldn’t see him for a little while. Seamus came over to us and he was growling at Russell. I told him to “be nice to my boyfriend” and Russell called him. Seamus came over, sniffed him, and... barked. I looked over at Tee, who was sitting in the car, and she started cracking up at Seamus barking at Russell. I told Russell to drive carefully, and took Seamus inside.

November 28th was Fiona’s 16th birthday. We asked her if she wanted to go to the studio with us, but she said no. I didn’t want to do nothing for her birthday, so I asked Mom if we could get Dairy Queen for her. We picked Fiona up from Moira’s apartment and we bought her some ice cream.

On the 29th, my dance teacher asked me to join the tap class that took place before my ballet class because there were only two in the class and she want to merge them with the advanced class (the class I take). I asked if I would be in two tap classes, and she nodded. I then asked if I would look ridiculous since I’m 12 years older than them, and she said that I wouldn’t height-wise since Alana is my height and Caroline is taller than me, but I might look more advanced since I’ve been tapping longer than they’ve been alive. I lastly asked if she was asking anyone else to join, and she said she was asking Clare to join too since we were the only two that weren’t in a jazz class. I pondered it for a minute, and agreed. She then asked Clare to join, and Clare didn’t even hesitate to say yes after she found out I was in too. Yay for a second tap class.

December

On December 5th, I decided to get a head-start on joining the tap class so I could get a feel for where they are technique wise and learn their warm-ups.

December was quite a frustrating month for me. I kept getting rejections after rejections. My dad yelled at me about getting a job because he wanted me to get my own phone bill, and yelling at me didn’t help at all! It completely frustrated me.

On December 15th, I got to see Russell. We went to Dave and Busters. He beat me in our first 2 out of 3 for Skee Ball, and I beat him in our second round. I beat him in Mario Kart, which made him mad and me laugh. He beat me at Connect 4 and I beat him at Pac-Man. We also did some of the “win tickets” games, and I won the 500 ticket jackpot on a Plinko-like game after he won 5 tickets. I thought he was going to be mad again, but he looked shocked. “That was honestly impressive” was all he said. After we ran out of tokens on the play card, we got dinner. I got the veggie burger, and it was the best veggie burger I’ve ever eaten! I offered Russell a bite, and he hesitantly accepted. He looked skeptical putting into his mouth, but he looked amazed that it actually tasted good. After dinner, we played some more. After we ran out of tokens, we went to go get prizes. I took home a plush Tommy Pickles, and Russell took home a plush Ren and a Plush Pikachu. We then went to Dairy Queen to eat ice cream and then Russell asked to see my dance studio since it was in the area. I showed him where it was, and pointed out where everything was from the windows. Afterwards, he dropped me off at my house.

December 18th, my mom asked if we wanted to go to the mall when she got home from work. We all said yes (I needed to buy something for my dad still, Fiona wanted to spend time with Mom, and I made Bridgid come with because I didn’t want to walk around the mall by myself since the mall has become a prime spot for human trafficking. Gotta use the buddy system!). Me and Bridgid went to Dick’s to find a present for Dad, and I bought him an 18 pack of orange golf balls. I then took Bridgid to Spencer’s, and limited myself to buying only two shirts. We then went into Forever 21 (Bridgid’s favorite store) and I bought a sports bra (that ended up being too small), leggings (that ended up fitting good), and socks (they had Minnie Mouse on them!). We decided to walk around, and I saw that Payless was having a sale: 40% off the entire store! I bought some nice shoes to wear on Christmas (Dad always gets on my case for wearing sneakers to Christmas) and some tie-dye socks. Finally, we went to find Mom and Fee in the food court. Mom saw all my bags and rolled her eyes. Oops. We then went to leave the mall. We parked at Sears, so we went through Sears to get to the car. As we walked, I saw an ugly Christmas sweater vest, which reminded me of Grandma. I called for Mom, and she came over, saw the vest, nodded knowingly, and led me away.

December 22nd, I met up with Russell for our little Christmas celebration. We drove to IHOP for dinner, and decided to open presents before going in. I got him a Saints sweatshirt that had autographs from Drew Brees and Alvin Kamara and two t-shirts from Spencer’s (one that read “In my defense, I was left unsupervised” and “I didn’t mean to end up this sexy, but shit happens”), my mom got him a Saints football, and Bridgid got him a McDonald’s gift card. He didn’t have a physical present for me because he was getting me a platinum pass to Cedar Point (this man is a keeper!), but Tee got me a blanket that came with cherry blossom lotion, a sleep mask, and peanut butter cups (Russell told her that they’re my favorite). I got Tee a Jack Skellington t-shirt, a jaguar print blanket, and Trident cinnamon gum (because I know that’s her favorite). We then ate dinner in IHOP and then we went to the mall. We then stopped at Walmart to walk around and buy graham crackers for my cookies. We then went to Steak n Shake to spend more time together and get milkshakes for dessert. After we got done, we hung out in a park.

On December 23rd, we went to Moira’s house. I got Moira a body spray and both of them a CrockPot. Moira got me a shirt, leggings, and mascara. Adam got me lotion, socks, and a candle.

Christmas Eve, I made peanut butter blossoms and s’mores cookies. Both recipes turned out amazing. Score for me!

Christmas morning, I set my alarm for 8:30 because I was under the assumption we were going to 9am Mass. When nobody else was up, I hit snooze. I intended to get up shortly after 9am so I could shower, but I ended up sleeping til 10:30. Oops! I dressed for Church and did my hair as neatly as possible, promising myself to shower afterwards. Thankfully, my dad didn’t complain about it. After Church, my dad wanted coffee, but McDonald’s was closed. Thankfully, the Dunkin next door was open. We went in and got coffee and doughnuts. After getting home, the first thing I did was get in the shower. Later on, we went to my uncle’s house on my dad’s side for Christmas dinner. After dinner and presents, we went to my uncle’s house on my mom’s side for presents and dessert. Once we got home, it was time to open our own presents. I got an iPhone 7+ (it was time for my upgrade anyway, so it worked out perfect), a new pillow, a blanket (I love blankets), some clothes, and new bedsheets. It was a wonderful Christmas.

On December 28, I met up with someone I hadn’t seen in a very long time... Ashlyn! We were so excited to see each other, especially since it had been 2.5 years. We got dinner at Applebee’s and got dessert at Menchie’s. I was glad to spend time with my best friend.

New Year’s Eve, I spent with Russell. We got a hotel room for us to spend time together and have some fun. *THE REST IS TMI* I felt a little bad though because Russell had brought Trojans, just in case we went that far, and I was too scared to do it. I got upset, and Russell held me and reassured me that he loves me and that he respects my decision to not do it. Later on, though, I allowed him to do just the tip, so the Trojans got a use after all.

Well, that was 2018. What an amazing year. I came into 2018 single and sad. I’m leaving 2018 taken by an amazing man and happy. Hopefully 2019 will be good too.

#my life #my year #2018

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