#you ever think about what happens next? — maeve.

[cagedchoices]

I can help you get dressed. Or I can step outside. Whichever you prefer. Or...we can stay here a while.

Your services won't be required, darling. He may be rather basic, but he's still capable of pulling up his own trousers.

I'll leave you to your selection.

[cagedchoice]

new year, new me, new tags part 1 \o/

GENERAL TAGS I'M AN UNDERACHIEVER — OUT. I AM ME…IT'S STILL ME — FACE. SO IT TELLS THEM WHO I AM — HEADCANON. ROUGH EDGES ARE THE ONLY THING I'M HANGING ONTO — MUSINGS/AESTHETICS. AT LEAST YOU HAVE SOME INTERESTING COMPANY — PROMO. WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? — SELF PROMO. THEY BUILT THE WORLD TO BE A GAME — MEME. YOU KNOW THE DRILL — REPLY. YOU GOT MY MESSAGE? — ANSWERED.

CHARACTER TAGS (GENERAL) WHATEVER YOU'RE INTO MUST BE PRETTY BAD — DOLORES. YOU EVER THINK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? — MAEVE. I WON'T REST UNTIL EVERYTHING YOU BUILT IS DESTROYED — CHARLOTTE. YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF PERSON CAN'T BE BEAT? THE KIND THAT DOESN'T GIVE UP — FRANKIE.

DYNAMIC TAGS AM I THE BAD GUY? IS THAT WHY YOU PICKED ME? — DYN | DOLORES & CALEB. YOU'VE SAVED MY LIFE BEFORE…HAPPY TO RETURN THE FAVOR — DYN | MAEVE & CALEB. I HAVE SOMETHING THAT YOU DON'T HAVE — DYN | CHARLOTTE & CALEB. I WILL COME BACK TO YOU…I PROMISE — DYN | UWADE & CALEB. YOU'RE MY WARRIOR…I LOVE YOU — DYN | FRANKIE & CALEB. WE HAD TO HAVE OUR OWN PLAN…STICK TOGETHER — DYN | FRANCIS & CALEB.

CHARACTER TAGS (URL SPECIFIC) WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU DON'T COME BACK? — COPIESOFME (DOLORES.) WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE FOR US? — KILLJOYSANONYMOUS (MAEVE.) IF I STAY…WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? — KILLJOYSANONYMOUS (DOLORES.)

[gallavichsreddie1128]

Innocent (Homelander)

Description: Y/N is the newest member of the seven and Homelander takes a liking to her.

Warning: Smut

Word Count: 1,715k

She looked up at the building in awe. She stood in front of the seven’s building. She couldn’t believe that she was going to be in the seven. She couldn’t wait to meet everyone, especially Homelander. She loved him and couldn’t wait to see him in person. She walked into the building and her anxiety raised. She almost walked right back out but someone got her attention. “Hi, I'm Ashley.” A red headed girl greeted her. “I’m Y/N or Y/S/N.” She introduced herself as if Ashley didn’t already know who she was. “The new member of the seven.” Ashley clarified with her. “Let’s show you around.” Y/N nodded.

Ashley walked her into the room where all the other Supes were. “Ashley, we are having a meeting.” Homelander snapped at her but stopped when he saw the girl next to her. She looked so pure and sweet. She was in her costume which was a white bodysuit and Angel wings. “Well who’s this?” He said, walking towards them. Y/N tensed up and couldn’t believe that Homelander was right in front of her. “This is Y/N or Y/S/N.” She introduced her. Homelander’s eyes traveled down her body and Ashley cleared her throat. “That’s a pretty name for such a pretty girl.” The others looked at each other. “Thank you, Homelander.” Y/N said, Homelander melted at her sweet voice, she was adorable. He wanted to ruin her.

“Ashley, leave I got the rest.” He commanded. Ashley left without question leaving Y/N alone with the Supes. “I’ll be showing around for now.” He told her and turned around. “Guys, this is Y/N.” He introduced her to the group. Y/N looked at everyone in shock. “Cat got your tongue, pretty girl.” A-Train said. Homelander hit the back of his head as he walked by him. “Don’t.” He growled. Y/N just stood there not knowing what to do. “Y/N you can come sit.” She looked around and didn’t see an empty chair. “Uh where do you want me to sit, sir?” She asked, he got hard just at her calling him that. “On my lap for now.” Maeve looked at him in disgust as it clicked in her head what was going on. Y/N walked over to him and he pulled her to sit on his lap. The others tried not to think about it too much but could tell what was going on.

His hands placed themselves on her hips. She loved the feeling of his hands on her, though it also made her very nervous. It also caused her lady parts to tingle. As the meeting happened she couldn’t really focus much, she was nervous and the feeling of Homelander caressing her made it worse. As he ended the meeting everyone got up including her but he pulled her down. “You’re staying with me.” He tells her and she nods. Once the door was closed his hand moved to her thigh. “So Y/N tell me what’s got your heart racing so fast.” “I’m nervous about all of this.” She tells him, playing with her fingers. His eyes dragged over her form like he did earlier. “You know what helps with nerves?” He asked her, but she didn’t have an answer so she shook her head.

His fingers moved closer to her pussy, “Orgasms.” He whispered and bit her ear a little bit. Her breathing picked up as his hand was inches from her wetness. “Ever had one?” He asked, she shook her head no. His finger lightly traced her clothed pussy. She hummed at the feeling. It felt really good. “It feels amazing, baby. You’ll love it.” He tells her. She gasped as she felt him push her body suit and underwear aside and felt his bare finger on her clit. “You’re already wet.” He says and starts playing with her. She was letting out little moans and whimpers as his fingers rubbed on her clit. “How does that feel, baby?” He asked her, and she moaned out “so good.” He chuckled and took another finger and traced her hole with it.

“This will feel even better.” He tells her before sliding in his finger as slow as he could so she could adjust to it. She whined in pain at first leaning back against him. But once she got used to it, it felt really good. Her little moans turned to big ones. “Your pussy is so tight.” He groans. Her hand grabbed his wrist as he finger fucked her. He watched her with intense eyes as she got closer to release. Her mouth was wide open and her eyes were closed, the most pornographic noises left her lips. He began kissing her neck and whispering the dirtiest things in her ear, making her red. “You look so pretty with my finger inside of you.” He whispered, she moaned in response. “Think you can take another?” He asked as if her answer mattered. He added another finger making her whine his name. He chuckled and kissed her neck again.

Her hips started involuntary moving. She gripped his wrist as her hips synced with his fingers. He stopped kissing her neck and nuzzled it, smelling her. Her scent was sweet and he could smell her arousal. Her scent was addicting. He curled his fingers hitting her g spot, she screamed back Homelander covered her mouth with his other hand. “Shh baby. You don’t want the others to know that on your first day you became my bitch.” She moaned against his hand. Her chest started moving up and down really fast, she began panting against his hand. She felt the really good feeling get better and better. Homelander felt her clenching around his fingers. “Are you close?” He asked her, she couldn’t answer him with words due to his hand covering her mouth so she nodded. “Cum for me baby. Cum all over my fingers.” He demanded and she did. Her body arched as her first orgasm started.

The feeling was like nothing she had ever felt before. She felt it through her entire body as his fingers kept moving inside of her. Her eyes rolled back and she kept moaning. He watched in awe as she experienced this. Once her high was gone he pulled out his fingers and saw how drenched they were. He put them in his mouth and suckled on them, moaning at how good she tasted. She watched him with wide eyes as he licked his fingers clean. “You taste so fucking amazing.” He moaned. She kissed him and moved to straddle him. He helped her and kissed back. The taste of her orgasm was on his tongue and lips, making her moan. His hands rubbed her hips as she deepened the kiss. “Give me more please.” She moaned against his lips. “More what?” Though he knew what she was talking about. “Orgasms.” She said and kissed him again. He stood up with her in his arms. He sat her on the table, never breaking the kiss. She pulled at his suit, basically begging him to take it off. He pulled away from the kiss and pulled down his pants.

“Take your suit off.” He told her. She pulled the straps off her shoulders and stood up to get it off her body. She stood bare in front of him. He stared at her naked body, taking in every inch of her. She had an amazing body and he couldn’t wait to be inside of it. He picked her up and placed her back on the table. She looked down at his hard dick. It was long and big, it made her nervous. “You like what you see?” He asked. She looked up at him and nodded. “How will it fit?” She asked with her head turned a little. God she was so pretty, he thought. “Guess we will see.” He said and stroked himself a few times before lining himself up with her entrance that was super wet again.

She wrapped an arm around his neck as he slowly pushed in. She closed her eyes and prepared for the pain that made her cry out. He watched her face twist in pain as his big dick split her in half. He pulled her hips closer, making her cry his name. He felt bad that she was in pain, which was weird for him. He wanted to give her the world and not hurt her. “Shhh baby it’ll feel so good.” He whispers and places his face in her neck. His eyes rolled back at the sweet scent of her. Once he was inside of her, he stopped to let her adjust. She opened her eyes and moved her hips a little to see if the pain was away. She moaned in delight as the pain was no longer. He took that as a sign to start thrusting. His hips made the table below them creak but neither of them cared. Her other hand was holding his and squeezing as the pleasure got more intense. “Homelander.” She whined as his hips picked up speed. He pulled back from her neck to look at her.

He placed his forehead on hers and they stared at each other. Moans left both of their lips. She kissed him to silence them both as the pleasure got more intense. Their bodies moved in sync, she gasped in his mouth as she felt the amazing feeling rise again. “Fuck.” He groaned as he felt his orgasm as well. “I want us to cum together.” He tells her , making her nod. He could tell that she was close and she could tell he was as well. “I’m so close.” She warned him. “Me too, baby.” Both of them were sweating and making the sweetest noises. She hugged him tight as she tumbled over the edge, screaming in his neck. He whined as he came as well. She gasped as they both rode out their highs. The feeling better than it was before. He stopped his hips after the high was gone. She pulled back and looked at him. Her hair was damped and ruined from sex, it made him smile. She looked so beautiful. It was at that moment that he knew he was gonna make her his wife.  

[fallstaticexit]

So much for a peaceful reunion …

Prev / Next / Extras

Sick to my stomaccchhh the first Briar to cheat in my legacy. I saw Zoey had a sentiment and fell to my knees in agony. Now Selene’s punishment is that it’s canon and everyone will point and boo 😡🫵🏽

[Later That Night]

Zoey: So. How was your flight?

Selene: Not bad. Quickest flight I’ve ever been on.

Zoey: Makes sense, you were only 2 islands away.

........

Selene: Anyway, they don’t know I’m here yet. Wanted to wait for you.

Selene: You sure about this?

Zoey: I really don’t think we have a choice...

Aiden: Hey look, it’s the Sulani Surf champions of the world!

Nina: *gasps* Our baby!

Nina: My sweet baby, I’ve missed you to pieces. I love you so much. My baby-

Selene: Mom, okokok-

Mel: Maeve, Loren, get in here! Look who came to visit their old parents! It’s the lovebirds!

Mel: How long are you in Sulani for? Your mom and I were going to fly out to Henford to see Ri and Adie before we head back to DSV.

Selene: Yeah, maybe... dad, um, Zoey and I wanted to tell you guys something actually...

Selene: So...um... damn...basically...

Zoey: This is something we’ve wanted to tell you guys for a while now.

Loren: Zoe, you two didn’t elope did you?

Maeve: Yeah, I thought you wanted to do the whole destination wedding, in Mt. Komorebi after the tour was over?

Zoey: Mami, no, we didn’t elope. We-

Mel: Someone’s pregnant!!! Calling it now!

Nina: *gasps* Oh my god, are you!? Is my baby having a baby?

Mel: I knew something was up! All the sneaking around and missed calls. You two are giving us another grandbaby. I knew it!

Maeve: Looks like we’re about to hash up that age old rivalry of who’s the best couple, except it’s who’s the best grandparents.

Mel: You forget we got 7 years of experience ahead of you?

Selene: Guys! Please, nobody is pregnant!

Zoey: Just tell them. This is your thing anyway-

Selene: Ok, alright...um. We—I mean I—called off the engagement. We broke up.

Mel: W-what? What do you mean you called off the engagement?

Aiden: You two been together since you were kids...

Nina: Selene, did something happen? We don’t understand.

Zoey: Yeah, you know what, I’ll let Selene tell you all about that.

Selene: Well, um...so I...y’know...I...

Zoey: She fucked someone else on tour. That’s what she did.

[silence]

Nina: My god, Selene, have you lost your damn mind?

Selene: Mom....

Maeve: Sweetheart, wait, talk to me.

Zoey: [sobbing] Please, just leave me alone-

[januaryembrs]

Tea!

Hey, I'm the anon who requested the drabble of bugsy realizing her feelings for spencer. Can you write a drabble based on what happened after spencer saw bugsy and the guy in her apartment?? I found the ending to have been quite abrupt and am genuinely curious as to how things were between them after that (I'm a sucker for angst). Hopefully you aren't also planning a BONUS chapter on this 😭😭 if so, then I'll just shut up bcs I'm actually just spoiling shit atp.

THEN STRANGERS AGAIN | Spencer Reid x Prentiss!Reader [drabble]

description: Spencer thinks he and Bugsy may have invented Murphy's Law. Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong and has gone wrong.

length: 1.1k

warnings: some small hints at mature content, but no actual stuff. angst? curses.

part of the trouble almost all my life universe

authors notes: finally finished my requests off thankyou for being patient with me, now who's ready to for the next TAAML update??

“Who is it, babe?” A deep voice spoke, and Spencer felt his face go green when he saw the adonis of a man who stood behind her, his chest littered with smudged lip gloss and bruises resembling her own neck trailing down to his crotch. 

Her face was on fire when Spencer looked back at her, something betrayed in the hazel of his eyes which he knew was entirely illicit to feel in the circumstances, but it was true. 

“Fuck off, Renly,” She shoved him back behind the door, looking at Spencer like the friendship between them they were scrambling to salvage hung in the balance with whatever she said next. “You remember Renly, my lab partner at Johns,” 

Spencer nodded, the image of her lips on his pubic bone wouldn’t leave his mind, and he wondered what came after that, “I remember him,” 

She nodded back, and they went silent. 

They’d found themselves back at that stalemate.

“I’m just gonna…” Spencer trailed off, something sharp and painful in his chest as he looked at her. This was ridiculous, he had Maeve to worry about. Maeve, who was crazy about him, who he had a date with not even half an hour ago, who soothed the wound Bugsy had left when she’d moved to an entire other continent before he had a chance to tell her how he felt.

Except he did have a chance. He’d had plenty of chances, he’d just been too chicken to take them. And maybe that was what had made him so angry seeing a man twice his stature flirting and touching and grabbing her, knowing what they’d been doing before he’d interrupted. Maybe it was the fact he was irrefutably good looking, or that he was the kind of guy confident enough to call her babe and touch her so easily, or maybe it was the image of what she must have looked like underneath him to be as flustered as she was now. What had they been doing? Was he pleasuring her? Had she been teasing him? Had they been in the middle of full blown fucking?

Spencer didn’t know. The kid who had tackled string theory when he was fourteen years old didn’t know. And he didn’t think he ever wanted to. A whole Schrödinger's cat kind of fucked up where he knew exactly what they’d been doing, and yet his felt something hurt well in his chest at the fact he didn’t know at all. 

He felt like his head might explode, or like he wanted to rip his big brain out and kick it to the curb with how fast it raced with thoughts and images and sounds that all resembled her. 

“I’m just gonna go,” He spluttered, already turning to head down the millions stairs back to where he’d thrown his car into park, his footsteps clicking against the hard linoleum as he took them almost two at a time.

She didn’t care that she had little more than underwear and a shirt on, didn’t care that Virginia evenings had reached almost freezing at this point in the year. Bugsy didn’t care, because Spencer seemed hurt, and that was her least favourite look on him. 

“Spence!” She called, cursing when he didn’t turn back, and she’d barely had time to flick her door onto the latch before she was taking off after him, “Spencer, wait!

But he didn’t listen, he couldn’t. Not when he felt something close to tears welling in his eyes. Why was he getting upset? He was a grown man for fuck sake. He had three doctorates, a genius level IQ, and a job he adored. What did he have to be crying about?

He felt like he and Bugsy could only be described as Murphy’s Law, that everything about his day that could possibly have gone wrong between them did. That of course she was with some sort of adonis at this time of the evening, of course she was with someone else, because why wouldn’t she be? She was attractive, and quick witted, and sharp as steel. And most importantly she wasn’t his. 

“Spencer, what’s wrong?” She called, but his damn long legs were too fast for her, and he’d made it out the front door to her building before she could yell at him some more. 

By the time she got to the lobby, he was already half way down the street, his head straight down at the floor, his bottom lip quivering. 

The chill hit her like a stop sign as she ripped the door open, and she was quickly reminded how bare her legs were as she did so, her teeth gritting together. “Spencer!” 

But he didn’t look back, and she half considered risking the public indecency charges, only to quickly be reminded of her lack of socks and shoes as she took an experimental step onto the pavement, cringing in pain when it felt painfully harsh to her skin. 

Her stomach dropped. What had he wanted, coming to her at this hour when things had felt so odd and icky and wrong between them. Where was Maeve? Even the thought of the mystery girl made her face heat with annoyance, but Bugsy supposed that if Spencer was happy then she shouldn’t feel so damn bitter all the time. It had been the whole reason she’d brought Renly home, though bumping into him in the liquor store had been completely unintentional, because she’d wanted to forget all about the guy who used to be her best friend who she couldn’t have, who had a shiny new genius to hold his affections, to take the place she’d thought was hers. 

She should have known better. Bugsy should have known Spencer deserved so much better. She’d tried to dodge the fact of it in all the years they’d known one another, but it was like the reality had hit her square in the face, and the wind whipping against her bare shins was a wake up call. If things hadn’t been fucked up between them before, then they most certainly were now, all because she’d been so stupid to think she could drown her affections and squeeze out her love for Spencer into another person.  

An arm wrapped around her shoulder and a jacket was shrugged over her, and she looked up at Renly with a quivering bottom lip. She felt like she’d been punched in the gut seeing Spencer so distraught, lost for words, lost in general. And despite her better judgement, for the sake of the fact she’d never felt so alone, she let herself lean into Renly’s warm stomach, his muscles rippling beneath her hands as she shoved her head into his pectoral, burying her face away in embarrassment, possibly to even forced the tears back into her sockets against their will. 

“Is it complicated?” Renly asked, because he’d always been the gentle sort of giant, surprisingly kind for a guy who looked like he pounded roids non stop. Bugsy could have told him it’s because he was raised with a single mother and four sisters, but she wouldn’t bother. Sometimes people were just the way they were, no profiling needed. He patted her back soothingly as if he’d heard what she was thinking. 

She nodded, because nothing summed up Spencer better than complicated. 

“Yeah, it’s complicated,” She murmured, allowing him to kiss the crown of her head, because she was tired of licking her wounds alone, tired of being the one to beg for affection from people too good for her. 

Spencer blinked back the tears the entire way home, cursing himself for the way his stupid, envious brain produced every image possible of the goliath man in her doorway who could squash his head like a coconut, wondering what they were doing now that they weren’t interrupted. They were probably naked by now, probably-

Bugsy let Renly make her a green tea, and in turn he let her sulk and mope and didn’t take it too personally when she made it clear that sharing a bed was as far as they were going tonight. There would be no more nudity than they already were, no more lustful kisses fuelled by cheap red wine and misguided intentions, no more pretending she was someone else entirely. There would nothing.

Because perhaps Spencer didn’t know her as well as he used to, and perhaps that was entirely the problem.

[matthew-gray-gubler-lover]

Sex With Spencer Reid All Seasons (season 8)

If you are under the age of 18, please do not read this story. Thank you.

This will cover what I believe sex would be like with Spencer Reid from season 1 to 15. Warning contains adult situations, Sex. Dirty talk, Orgasms, Crying, Spoilers for all seasons and Spencer Reid being a sex God.

Also includes fingering and oral sex. (Female receiving only.)

These are a little bit longer than I anticipated them to be because I wanted to give a back story as to why the sex is the way that it is for each season. To give it in depth feeling of why Spencer was the way that he was in bed that season.  So I will be posting them by each season rather than all at once. I hope this gives you something to look forward to, and please leave comments,  I will be leaving links to the next season below.

You are a new agent at the BAU and Spencer Reid's girlfriend, the one who takes his virginity and has sex with him for all 15 seasons and beyond.

Spencer Reid knew the first time he saw you walk through the doors of the BAU that you were the one that he was going to love forever. The first time you smiled, he knew it was the only smile that he ever wanted to wake up to. The first time he touched your hand, he knew yours was the only hand he ever wanted to hold. The first time he kissed you, he knew your lips were the only ones that he ever wanted to have pressed against his own. and the first time he made love to you, he knew you were the only one he ever wanted to do this with, and he also knew he would never be the same you or his life now, his love and his only desire.

season 8

In season eight we meet Maeve Donovan. In this scenario though Spencer feels no romantic feelings for her. He just wants to help her as if she was any other victim.

You were so glad that Spencer was finally getting help with his headaches. While you did your best to help him with them, you knew that he needed someone who could do more. You were 

happy when he found Maeve Donovan. Not only did she help him, but it was also nice that he had a friend that shared the same interest in books as he did. While you really enjoyed him 

reading to you in bed, you weren't as much of A reader as Spencer.

And now that Spencer's head has stopped hurting, the sex has become even more often. He loves running his hands up and down your thighs as he makes love to you.

He also enjoys putting his hand in yours as he thrusts. Interlacing your fingers together as he whispers sweet loving words in your ear is something that you both really cherish.

And you are also planning your upcoming wedding, something that seems to turn Spencer on every time you ask him something about it.

Such as today, you simply asked what flavor wedding cake should we have? Vanilla. Chocolate. Funfetti. Red Velvet? and he simply could not keep his hands off of you after that question, and before you knew it, Spencer had you in bed moaning his name. He loves the idea of you being his future wife.

He even sometimes tells you when he's in bed how he can't believe that Someone Like You would ever be interested in him. You're the love of his life and the only one that he ever wants to have in bed with him.

you are so happy that he found Maeve in fact you asked him if she would like to come to the wedding, since after all she did help your fiancé get over his headaches.

however You couldn't help but notice that the last time he talked to Maeve, he seemed a little bit upset. Not responding to your touch or sexy lingerie the way he usually does. You had just bought a new lingerie set today. When he was talking to Maeve it was black and had a little pink bow on the underwear in the middle of the bra.

You were crushed to say the least. So you asked Spencer if he was OK. What happened? Beginning to think maybe he was more interested in Maeve Donovan Than he was in you.

You asked him if he was OK and he told you about Maeve's Stalker. All he wants to do is help his friend, but she doesn't want him to. He explained that now he was going to have to talk to her 

from pay phones so that her stalker couldn't connect him back to her, something that would have been really suspicious to a less trusting woman. But you trusted Spencer with your life.

It wasn't until Spencer didn't hear from Mave for a few days that he began to worry. He enlisted the BAU to help him find her, and sadly she was murdered in front of him.

Understandably so Spencer was so upset by this and traumatized that sex stopped for a few weeks. You completely understood that and tried everything that you could to cheer him up.

Penelope and JJ stopping by every day to check on Spencer, you know meant a lot to him. Even though he didn't open up the door. You went outside and gathered the baskets that Penelope had lovingly left. Filled with nuts and seeds to provide melatonin to try to make Spencer happy, Penelope went all read like she told JJ and did research to find something that would make Spencer happy.

That was until the team was called away on a case that meant that you had to go but Spencer was staying behind. Penelope's baskets continued to come over the next couple of days that you were on a case.

Feeling horrible about having to leave your fiancé behind, you knew that he understood that was the job. You checked in on him as often as you could, to no avail since he would not answer to anyone. not even you This crushed you and broke your heart into a million pieces. That your fiancée, the man that you love with all your heart, couldn't even answer the phone to you.

But you realize quickly that you shouldn't take it to heart, given the fact that he wasn't answering to anyone, no matter how many times they called him.

That was until the time that Morgan called him for help on the case, that he answered his phone. He had Anderson bring him some files on the case and before you knew it you're beautiful, loving fiancé was in the police station with you.

Wearing his slightly tattered bathrobe. But you understood and was just happy to see him.

You kissed him and wanted to stay with him and hold him in your arms, but Hotch told you that you needed to go with the rest of the team and catch the unsub. A man who was draining victims of their blood so that he could paint with the blood. You managed to save his last victim.

The art dealer who did not want to buy his blood art. You were very happy that you were able to save the woman's life, but their main concern was getting back to Spencer.

On the jet ride back, you sat next to Spencer and held his hand the whole time. Morgan and JJ came over to talk to him and they asked if there was anything that they could do to help.

After that day, Morgan, Penelope and JJ came back home with you and Spencer and helped clean up the apartment that he had trashed since you left. After that day he seemed to be feeling a lot better.

He even walked you to your bedroom and slowly undressed you with sadness in his eyes of how he has neglected you over the past three weeks. He feels horrible about it, but you tell him you understand.

The passion had officially returned with Spencer. He made love to you so sweetly that night and told you multiple times how much you loved you and how glad he is to have you. He cuddled. 

You tight in his arms at night Talking about your upcoming wedding, he finally picked a flavor of cake. He said chocolate because that's his favorite flavor. Not exactly your favorite, but you do anything for Spencer.

He also helped you decide what color the bridesmaid's dresses should be and where the wedding should take place. Rossi of course offered for the wedding to take place at his mansion, so you took him up on his offer.

After all JJ had her wedding there a year before. After discussing all of this about your wedding, he couldn't keep his hands off you again. Oh yes Spencer Reid was officially back.

Please let me know what you thought of this story, i love to hear from my readers 💗

masterlist

[strawbeerossi]

I seen that you write angst and I have an idea to share with you because of some personal things that I went through with my own family.

Do you think you can write something about fem!reader and Spencer finding out that one of their children has leukemia? Maybe with death involved to show how intricate this situation can affect families? I know it’s a very loaded topic so I completely understand if you don’t wanna do it but I think you’d master the topic beautifully based off of your angst writing. ❤️

I hope you’re doing alright today, Tay

First off, I’m so sorry for your loss, lovebug. I hope I do this justice and thank you for trusting me with this topic. My DMs are open if you ever need to talk. 🩵

And I'm good today, thank you, honey.

Vilomah: Bereaved Parents

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid

Description: After their son succumbs to his illness, the Reid parents have to navigate the grieving process together along with the team who are there to help.

Content Warning: Child death, leukemia, details about a hospital stay, extreme grief after loss, a child’s funeral, parental grief, mentions struggles with eating, spousal argument, lots of tears, descriptions of feeling empty and depression, the team is there for the Reids, spousal comfort, hurt/comfort.

Word Count: 3.3K

Navigation || Masterlist || Join My Taglist || Request

I cried like a baby writing this. I hope I captured what you were looking for anon.

“Memories saturate my heart and the story of you spills from my eyes.” – Grace Andren

There were many horrors that Spencer faced in his line of work; murderers, rapists, cannibals, the lot of it. He was also faced with grief more often than not, losing Maeve and Gideon being the two most notable times where he was forced to face the fact that everybody dies at some point, no matter who they are. 

That wasn’t enough to prepare him for the cruelest thing life had to throw at him. Benjamin was diagnosed with leukemia when he was just two months shy of four-years-old, more specifically it was Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. 

The first few months were seemingly okay. He was responding well with the treatment, his little body growing stronger with each passing day. There were plenty of ice cream days to celebrate whenever Ben could function as good as he could before the cancer. Not to mention all the gifts his aunt Penelope would send.

There was hope, so much hope that Y/N and Spencer didn’t let the thoughts of losing their son loom over their head.

That was until he got sick again, this time much worse. It happened suddenly, Ben went from eating some fruit snacks and watching a movie to losing consciousness and growing pale. Spencer never thought he could get home faster than what he did when he got the phone call. Emily sent him home immediately after hearing the news, telling him to get home to his family and that she would check in.

The next few weeks were spent in the hospital, the bright lights being harsh on the eyes of the sore eyes of the Reid parents. Y/N didn’t sleep but for a few hours a night, any small movement or sound from Ben or his machines waking her up. Spencer had grown to not sleep for that long, surviving off maybe an hour a night and ten cups of coffee to push forward the following morning.

However, the suffocating realization of the inevitable was starting to soak in. Spencer wanted nothing more than for his son to make a recovery but as a man of science, that hope dissipated as he noticed the signs. People got better before death, so whenever Ben was showing all the signs of surging, it was enough to kill Spencer.

Even after they had a conversation with their doctor, the woman telling them that surging typically happens one to two days before death, it was like Y/N wouldn’t take that. She would say that he was fine, that he was healing. 

It was denial. 

The day they lost him was the hardest of them all. The air was suffocating that morning, there being a bitter winter chill. Spencer had gone to work, as usual. There was a case, one about a man who was killing women who resembled his birth mother after she rejected him from her life. He was distracted, like any father on the verge of losing his child would be.

He knew he shouldn’t have gone to work but he was losing his mind, being overwhelmed with the knowledge of the inevitable. He liked to think that if he and Y/N didn’t discuss it, it wasn’t real. As a man of science, he knew the risks of believing something like that.

Still, he gave himself false hope. 

However, his heart stopped beating for a split second as he could feel his phone buzzing, the world freezing around him as he couldn’t hear the others around him. He knew what this call was. It took JJ shaking Spencer’s shoulders to snap him out of his thoughts. “I have to go.” 

Making it to the hospital, he dreaded going inside. However, he was running through the hospital doors not bothering to check in at the front desk as he was going as fast as his legs could carry him to reach his son’s hospital room. 

Judging by the heart wrenching screams of agony from his wife on the other side of the door, Spencer knew what to expect as his shaking hand was opening the hospital door. The sight of his wife cradling their son was enough to make him drop to his knees. 

The nurses and doctors looked at the small family, feeling the sting of heartache as they’d gotten to know the Reid’s over the past year.

Spencer’s legs were like jelly, the tears cascading his face being enough where he was sure he could fill up the hospital room in tears, enough to drown in. They were able to stay as long as they wanted to, even if it was hours later. 

“Do you have his blanket?” Y/N asked, voice raw from the screaming and uncontrollable sobbing from before. “I don’t want him to get cold..” She whispered, looking at their son who looked like he was sleeping against his father’s chest. “In the bag.” The words were shaky, the father keeping his son close while letting his forehead rest against Benjamin’s smaller one.

After they were laying the little boy down again, Y/N was slowly putting the blanket over the child before she was leaning down to kiss his forehead, which had begun to grow cold from the hours his parents took to say goodbye. The parents clung to one another as they were being forced to walk out of the hospital. 

After that, their life lost all its color. Waking up to an alarm rather than to a happy little boy jumping on their bed just wasn’t the same. There was no laughter in the house, no warmth. The atmosphere was just as cold as the weather outside. No matter how many days that Penelope came over with baskets filled with small goodies to try and lift their spirits, or how Luke would come by to check in and bring food over that the two parents just couldn’t stomach.

The day of the funeral was when every ounce of denial was fizzing away. Next came anger. Y/N was moving a bit slow, honestly not wanting to rush and be greeted with the sad looks of their friends and family. Spencer was ready twenty minutes prior, wanting to rush the grieving process and just accept everything immediately, even if it was impossible.

“Please hurry up.” His voice was laced with irritation, making wife look up from her shoes as she was playing with the strap. “I am hurrying..” She spoke softly, a frown on her face as she slowly got the shoes on. “You don’t have to have an attitude, by the way.” 

That was the start of something ugly.

“Well, you don’t have to take thirty years and expect Benji to walk through the door.” The words were deep cutting, very uncharacteristic of the loving man she married.The words had his wife stunned in place, her mouth falling open. “You don’t have to be an asshole and keep reminding me of where we are going.” She spat, moving to brush her hair back before standing.

“You can’t keep acting like things are going to change. He’s gone, Y/N. No matter how bad we want him back, we will never get him back.” They were growing angry at one another at the wrong time. Before the yelling could start, there was a soft knock on the door. With a soft sigh, Spencer was turning around and heading to the sound of the soft knocking. 

The sight behind the door was enough to make his heart clench. There was Derek, the man offering a sad smile. “Hey, kid. I came to pick you two up. How’s the missus doing?” He asked, chuckling as Spencer was rushing to tightly hug his best friend, his hand slowly patting the younger male’s back. “Hi Derek.” Y/N offered a weak smile once she was closing the bedroom door. 

“Hey mama.” His voice was soft and careful, heading over to wrap his arms around the woman before kissing her cheek. “I was thinking that after everything, we could all go out to lunch.” He wasn’t stupid, he could tell that the two parents were neglecting themselves, he’d talked to the team. 

This was a sensitive time, so he understood. However, he wasn’t going to sit idly by either. He’d be damned if he let them both slowly waste away. Benjamin sure as hell wouldn’t have wanted that. 

“I don’t know, Derek. I don’t think I can deal with everyone looking at us with pity. You know how many people have told me that they hugged their babies tighter because of this situation? It hurts. Not nearly as helpful as people think..” The woman spoke while slowly rubbing her face.

“It’ll just be us. The team, our family.” He attempted to coax both parents, the two not being able to get out of it in the end.

The three eventually made it to the graveyard where they were confronting the one thing that they didn’t want to face. The Reids were approaching the plot that they’d purchased for the family, Y/N having to collect herself at the sight of the coffin waiting by the open plot. 

“There you two are,” Penelope looked like she’d been sobbing already, her arms wrapping tightly around both parents. That was where the floodgates broke, both of them tightly clutching onto the blonde enough to suffocate her. 

The ceremony was beautiful, despite the flood of tears and pain deep in the chests of all that were closest to the child who they were laying to rest. It was something honorable, Benji even having his uncle Aaron there to say a final goodbye. Even surrounded by love, there was still an emptiness, a void that would never be filled. 

What came next made things worse, the parents having to say goodbye as soon as the casket was being lowered in its plot, Y/N and Spencer wrapped up in one another’s embrace while their hands were clutching each other’s clothing. The wife was letting her head rest against her husband’s shoulder, their tears soaking one another’s clothes and hair.

It was just them now, with the ghost of their sweet angel who would keep a watchful eye over his parents, whether they knew it or not.

Dave was approaching the parents, his hand resting on Spencer’s shoulder as he cleared his throat to catch their attention. “I want you both to know that I will be here for you both, always.” David Rossi, the father of the team, it seemed. As well as being uncle Dave to all the kids, Benji included. 

“I heard that you two agreed to come to lunch.” He spoke softly, eliciting a small smile from Y/N. “We are.” She said softly, truly unable to say no to him. “We are having it in my backyard. Why don’t you two ride with me?” He suggested, making both Spencer and his wife look at one another.

They weren't getting out of this, so they complied and followed behind David.

The only problem was that so many amazing things happened in that backyard, Benji’s baby shower being one of them.

“Baby Reid is getting so big,” JJ gushed, her hand on Y/N’s swollen bump as the woman laughed in content. “Isn’t he? He’s also been kicking the hell out of my ribs, I feel like he's punishing me.” Y/N joked.

Finding out that she was pregnant was the best thing that ever happened. Of course, there were jokes of Spencer and Y/N not even waiting a year after they got married before she was already pregnant.

It was funny, really. Spencer was highly convinced that the baby was conceived on the first week of their honeymoon, the two being a little too into that talk while they were in the middle of sex, the filthy words of her being swollen with his baby becoming literal.

Diana was thrilled the moment that she saw her son and his wife on one of their visits, the woman being more thrilled at the prospect of her little Spencer having a child of his own. She would say that she knew before they even told her. 

“Mothers always know, Spencer. We are animals, we can feel things.” Were her exact words, something that she said Y/N would understand one day.

“Bella!” David smiled, the term of endearment being a newer one that he used for Y/N after the pregnancy, something about how she looked gorgeous because she was glowing. It was sweet, she had to admit it. “Hi, David.” Y/N grinned, her arms wrapping around the older man in a hug before she was pulling away. “You and Penelope did a beautiful job, by the way!”

Almost as if she were summoned, the bubbly blonde was hurrying over to flash a smile. “There you are my gorgeous girl! How are you feeling?” She asked, her hand cautiously rubbing her baby bump once Y/N gave her the okay.

“I’m doing good, actually. This boy is gonna be the death of me though. I was craving dirt the other day.” Her nose crinkled. “Weirdness. However, this baby is a Reid so that’ll explain it better than anything else.” Penelope joked. 

“It’s actually more normal than you might think. One theory links pica cravings to iron deficiencies. Another theory suggests these cravings develop as an adaptive response to the way the immune system changes during pregnancy.” Spencer smiled while letting his arms wrap around his wife from behind, his lips pressing a kiss to her cheek before his hands were coming underneath the heavy bump, lifting it up gently to take some of the pain from his wife’s back.

It was enough to make the woman sigh of relief as her head was tilted back against his shoulder. “You are such a lifesaver.” She breathed while briefly closing her eyes. 

Spencer was attentive and loving, paying attention to her much more after the pregnancy was discovered.

This was a dream.

This was a nightmare, the memories rushing back to Y/N as she was walking into the backyard where all those sweet memories lived. It was emotionally draining, so much so that her hand was reaching aimlessly for Spencer’s.

As soon as her husband realized what she was doing, he was slowly approaching his wife and letting his hand tightly grip onto hers. He didn’t realize how bad they needed this, to have a reminder that they still had each other. He figured it was implied but this made a bit of weight lift off his chest. 

“I know it may be a bit hard to laugh right now,” Penelope began as she was offering a smile. “But I know how much Benji used to love having dinner with all of us, no matter where we went.” She began, making a soft, sad smile spreading across Y/N’s face. 

“So, I figured that I would honor one of my favorite godson’s in the best way possible. Instead of boring adult food, I made extra sure to get the best of the best.” Being a four-year-old, Benjamin was just as picky as the next kid. 

“Don’t tell me,” Spencer began, looking over as she was happily showing off the meal she had catered. It consisted of all the essential food groups of a young child; chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese, and french fries. 

Hank, Michael, Henry, the Simmons children and Jack were all over the idea of that. The adults, though, couldn’t help the soft laughter. “Benji would definitely approve.” Y/N offered a soft smile, shaking her head fondly. “Even up until the end, he had to have his nuggets.” Spencer added, a few tears springing up in his eyes at the pleasant memory, even in the darkest time of their lives.

“I don’t want that..” Benjamin wrinkled his nose as he was pushing away the soup that the hospital was giving him, making Spencer look up from his book. “It’s good for you, Benji. Try it.” He urged on, a smile as he put the book down after finding his bookmark. 

“Daddy, no. It’s yucky. It smells yucky.” He continued on, the four year old running the spoon through the bowl.

Like his mother, he was dramatic about it, gagging at the mere thought of eating what he was given. “I want chicken nuggets.” He whined out, now looking at his mother, who was sighing in content. 

“Take a few bites and try it! If you try it and you don’t like it, I’ll go get you some nuggets. Sounds fair?” She asked, keeping the stern tone yet offering a sweet smile, knowing damn well that he’d get his way in the end anyway. Even if he liked the soup.

“I’ll try it but I might be sick, mama.” He warned, looking at the broth with vegetables before he was taking a good amount on the spoon.

He eyed it over before pushing it into his mouth. Both parents couldn’t help the laughter falling from their lips as Benji pulled a face, looking offended he was even made to try it.

“Blegh! Nasty!” The animated child was pushing the tray table away as Y/N was already getting up to grab her keys. “I’m going! I’m going! Make sure that you watch your daddy, you know he likes getting into too much trouble.” 

As everyone had a plate in front of them, everyone was looking at the Reids, expectant of them to get up. Derek was the one who was already making two plates before placing them down in front of the two. “There you are pretty boy and pretty girl, no need to get up.” He knew what he was doing.

Even with the lack of appetite, Y/N was slowly picking up her fork before collecting a bit of the mac and cheese on her fork, slowly moving to push the fork in her mouth. She didn’t realize just how hungry she was before that bite. Of course, barely eating for two weeks would do that to you.

Spencer seemed to be on the same page, the two unknowingly eating like they hadn’t eaten in years. The group said nothing about it, although they shared collective glances and their eyes were glistening over with relief. 

They were eating enough to actually keep themselves alive, to keep themselves from falling ill and being stuck in the hospital being fed through IVs. After all they went through, they didn’t need to be in another hospital for a long time.

The rest of the day was spent with their family rather than them being locked up at home, real smiles gracing their features for the first time in forever. Being together in a quiet home was taking a huge hit at their mental health. 

This was what they needed. Their full support system. 

It was later on in the evening before Y/N and Spencer had gotten home, the two ordering takeout for dinner whenever they arrived at home. The wife was looking over the picture of their family that she had hanging up in the kitchen, a soft smile on her face. He looked so peaceful today, didn’t he?” She asked, her voice soft.

“No more pain, no more weakness.. Just peaceful.” Spencer added on, looking up from his hands. “Y/N.. I’m sorry about what I said earlier. It was horrible to say,” He said as his wife was offering a gentle smile. “I understand. It’s hard right now but.. Spencer, I love you. With every fiber of my being. Please remember that.”

It was what he needed to hear, his head nodding. “I know. I love you so much, baby. Thank you. I’m here for you, even if you just need to cry and be taken care of.” The taller man was standing up before heading over to tightly hug his wife. “You’re so strong. So fucking strong.” He spoke softly while kissing the top of her head. 

All they needed to power through this together was each other, they would make it through this for Benji over all else. It was what he would've wanted , their love to persevere. 

[deliciouskeys]

Beware the Patient Woman (my foray into Sagelander)

This is set right after season 4. I don’t address anything beyond Sagelander. Ashley disappeared. Ryan is presumed returned to Vought Tower, maybe staying in a different room while they have to renovate Homelander’s apartment top to bottom. This is either a standalone or a chapter 1, idk. Had to get it out of my system. Rated PG cause I'm lazy/ a coward? (for now). AO3 link.

Sage may not have x-ray vision but she can tell who’s behind the door by the sound of the knock before she opens it. She didn’t have time to change out of her pajamas, but at least she was awake.

"May I come in?" he asks, peering down at her before his eyes start roving around the room.

"Of course," she says, even though she was looking forward to lying around in bed before having to put her suit on and trot out to the board meetings.

"Sorry, I know it’s early. I couldn’t really sleep last night." He walks in, almost brushing past her, arms clasped behind his back and hidden by the American flag cape billowing slightly behind him, so close that she has to lean back slightly to avoid getting an eagle beak to the face. But he didn’t mean disrespect by it, just distracted by looking all around the room.

"This was so much emptier when Maeve lived here," he remarks, stepping around various small pieces of furniture, nearly all stacked with books.

"I’m sure she needed the space to practice her combat techniques."

"Yeah or her drinking or her threesomes. I’m not sure she had the attention span to read a book in her life," he mumbles angrily, and Sage doesn’t like where this conversation is going at all. She knew there might be a downside to being given the room where Homelander’s old flame used to live.

"Did you want to discuss something?" she says, trying to keep any impatience out of her voice.

He turns around sharply to face her. "I really wanted to thank you for… everything that happened yesterday. I couldn’t even articulate how grateful I was for what you did for me."

For him, he thinks, despite her telling him point-blank that she did it to see if she could. But she was banking on his gratitude and on the high value he places on loyalty.

"You’re so very welcome. But I only did what you hired me to do," she says, cautiously, hoping this will emphasize that she may not necessarily have any interest in going beyond what she was hired to do. Maintaining boundaries with a man like this was always important.

"No, no." One of his hands emerges from behind his back to wag a finger at her. "Don’t play dumb with me. You know what I’m talking about. You did what I hired you to do, sure, but you did it even after I dismissed you. I’m not stupid, Sage. I know you could have used that brain of yours to fuck me thrice over and get revenge for how badly I treated you. I admit, I underestimated you. I did a dangerous thing, letting you go, when you were my best ally all along. So I… I know you could have made things worse for me, but you chose to side with me anyway. I was absolutely wrong about you, and it won’t happen again. I will listen to you, like I promised."

Sage hesitates. He’s saying all the right things, but these hollow promises aren’t worth much when they’ll fall to the wayside the next time he gets fed up with her. No, he’s leading up to something, and she’s wary of what might come next, so she’s not sure how she should reply to steer the conversation away.

"That’s good to hear. And no hard feelings, trust me."

Homelander nods. "Yeah, trust. I do want to ask you one thing. It’s just… I do trust you, but could I just ask you to keep me in the loop? No more lies?"

"I don’t think I ever outright lied to you," Sage answers, taking a deep breath, trying to keep her breath steady. Was this human powderkeg about to explode again? She thought she had him placated for at least a few weeks, but maybe she’s miscalculating just how paranoid he is. It's hard to feel completely calm when he's standing over her, forcing her to tilt her face upwards to meet his gaze.

"Well I’m including lying by omission," he says, but then his expression changes, softens strangely, and he steps back as if realizing that he's been looming over her. "I’m sorry, you’re misunderstanding, I didn’t come here to threaten you in any way. I just wanted to… maybe just establish best practices, going forward."

Shit, her heart rate must have spiked, finally given away that she was getting nervous. "Oh yeah, I understand. I appreciate that. Let’s discuss that."

Homelander shakes his head, wincing. "Look, I really don’t mean to dictate how you should work. I realize I’m doing it automatically. I’m catching myself telling you what to do again. I respect that you might not want to tell me everything– I do. I’ll be honest, it is a blow to the ego, and I’m not used to it, because… well you’ve seen the caliber of idiots that I've had to deal with. I’m not used to trusting someone else." 

He looks … unsure of himself? Is he genuinely apologetic? Sage is so reluctant to interpret anything he says as benign and without ulterior motives, but it’s tempting to believe him right now. She’s really at a loss for words, content to let him just keep talking and explain himself.

"So… I take back everything I said," Homelander mutters, his mouth folding even thinner as soon as he says it. "I trust you so much that I allow you to lie by omission. But if I ask you something, I’d really like a straight answer. Call it my weakness. I’m not a details guy. I’m not aspiring to look over your shoulder and micromanage your plans. But I just- I just need a little something in return for the trust. I need to be able to check in once in a while and know you won’t lie to my face."

Sage can’t believe she’s getting to watch this man wrestle with himself, threatening to spiral out while trying to define what’s important to him and what’s reasonable to ask of her. He’s debating with himself with only the barest input from her. She needs to nip this in the bud. She’s never felt that comfortable seeing him cry, and she doesn’t want things to get to that point, where she’ll have to comfort him instead of just reassuring him. "Hey listen. I love working with you. You’re giving me the opportunity of a lifetime. I’ll gladly discuss plans with you if you’re really interested in the boring details." Maybe she’s overselling it a bit, but he looks like he recovers his poise at least. 

"Anyway, that’s not even what I came here to ask you." he says, his tone sounding more like his usual self. "I wanted to invite you out for dinner. Just as a small token of appreciation- ah-ah! Nope!" he says, raising his hand as she tries to interrupt him. "Don’t say no before you hear the proposition. I found out you like sushi."

Sage’s blood runs a little cold at hearing him know something about her that she doesn’t think she ever revealed to anybody on staff at Vought.

"I located your mother and asked her a little about you over the phone last night," he says, as if guessing the question in her mind. Of course he did. He probably thinks that gives him leverage over her. Well, joke’s on him, because she hasn’t been in much contact with her mom, they haven’t gotten along since she was a teenager, and she’s not going to be manipulated by him threatening her mom. But her mom is right that she likes sushi.

"Oh yeah?" Sage asks, summoning a genuine looking smile to her face because she’s not sure how well he can tell when her mind starts running at triple speed when she’s feeling pressure. "I do love me some sushi. And I haven’t tried that many places since moving here, because it’s been so busy."

"Great!" he says, and now his smile looks genuine too, the fleeting reference to her family thankfully fading out of their conversation. "I’ve rented out this place called Masa night. You’re gonna love it. Three Michelin stars and all that. Best sushi in New York."

"Yeah, tonight works," Sage says, hoping it’s not too rude to imply that his setting her daily schedule for her is overstepping, his certainty that she’s going to love hanging out with him is overstepping. 

"Usually I wouldn’t put you through the hassle of going out, just have the chefs come to work at the Vought kitchen and host it at my place, but you know… my place is a bit of a disaster zone right now and yours… well I don’t wanna disturb your little setup you’ve got going on here."

Yes, there’s a problem she needs to solve as soon as possible brewing here. She’s very fucking glad she’s not being invited to dinner at his place. "So is there a dress code? Do I have to wear my superhero suit?"

Homelander scoffs. "I’ve rented it out. No paps, no photos. You can come in whatever you damn well please. Wear sweatpants if you want. This is all for you!" He smiles again, and it’s really genuine, and now she’s concerned that her fears are true. In his mind, this is a date.

"Just you and me?" she verifies, and when he nods she takes a deep breath and says something risky, but better now than later. "Just so you know– I don’t really do romantic relationships. I’ve slept with a couple of members of the Seven, but you don’t strike me as the kind of person who would want to get in on that action."

Homelander blinks, clearly taken aback. "It’s just dinner with a colleague," he says, but his tone is halting. "I don’t- that’s none of my business what you do in your free time with-" he licks his lips and Sage tries to guess what bothers him most about this. "Were you sleeping with A-Train? Is that how you knew?"

"No, I don’t mix work and pleasure like that." Sage can’t help but laugh a little. "I can tell you with whom. ‘No more secrets’, right? Noir and the Deep."

Sage can practically hear the wheels in Homelander’s head turning as he tries to picture it. "Huh," he says. "Well that’s uh… your prerogative certainly." Is that hurt in his voice? Maybe disbelief that she’d fuck people he considers far beneath him?

"Exactly. I assumed that someone like you would have no problem with workplace hookups," she says, shrugging. "Being part of the Seven isn’t really a normal gig. It’s so full-time, it’s your entire life. Might as well get some fun out of it."

"Yeah, makes sense," he mutters, trailing off, still thinking.

"So tonight then? What time?" she asks.

He snaps out of his thoughts. "I rented it out for the entire evening. So anytime from five onward. Up to you."

"Seven then?" she says. He nods and walks out stiffly. Sage shuts the door and leans back against it. She has to navigate this right. This overpowered manchild doesn’t have a good track record of keeping work and pleasure separate, but she can’t rebuff him in a way that insults him. She thought she was in the clear– that someone like her would never attract that kind of attention from him. She needed to be smart about this.

[fortheloveofwonderland]

Me & You & Everyone We Know | 12 | S.R

Not my gif

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Summary - Spencer and Maeve get into a heated argument moments before Daisy’s birthday party in which Spencer is finally forced to face his real feelings over his ex. You overhear more than you bargained for.

A/N - I don’t know if it was ever stated how old the Simmons kids were, if it was I certainly wasn’t paying attention. This was a guess.

Pairing - Single Dad! Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - hurt/comfort, angst with happy ending, smut minors DNI.

Warnings - swearing, drinking, talk of cheating, arguing, confessed feelings, overheard conversations, tears, drunk Spencer, vomit, mommy JJ to the rescue.

WC - 5.8k

Chapter 12 - Let it Hurt

Seven forty two in the morning,

Eight seconds before it all sinks in.

Put your best face on for the world,

Fake another smile and just pretend.

But you're just puttin' off the pain,

Nothing's ever really gonna change.

Spencer arrived at Rossi’s early and spent the entire morning slaving over decorations and readying the house for the onslaught of teenagers due to descend upon Rossi’s pristine mansion this afternoon. 

He was exhausted before the party even started. 

He hung banners and streamers from almost every inch of the ceiling. He set up a large table that took up most of his yard with food and paper plates. 

Rossi restocked his fridge with soda bottles from the garage and beers and wine for the adults. 

Spencer wrapped a ridiculous amount of presents, the divorced parent guilt making him spend an exuberant amount of money on his eldest daughter. 

JJ arrived a few hours before the party and rewrapped them all as she told him they looked like the dog had done it. 

They had around a half hour to spare once the house was set up. Rossi had retreated to his study to recoup before his house was flooded with teens. 

Spencer and JJ sat in his backyard, JJ indulging in a glass of wine while he had one small scotch just to take the edge off. 

He could see her staring at the side of his face while he sipped from the tumbler and eventually he sighed and turned to look at her.

“What?”

“You’re nervous.” She had that knowing glint in her eye. 

“You becoming a profiler was the worst thing that ever happened to me, do you know that?” His words caused her to laugh. 

“And now you’re deflecting.” She smugly sipped her wine. 

“My ex-wife and her boyfriend are going to be here today. My ex-wife who I haven’t spent more than a few minutes with since she moved out of our home. Of course I’m nervous. I’m kinda glad we decided to do it here actually, I couldn’t imagine her spending that much time in my house. The house she destroyed with her betrayal.” He finished his scotch but it didn’t help the way he’d hoped. 

“Has it ever occurred to you to move?” She cocked an eyebrow at him, regarding him curiously.

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.” He confessed with another sigh. “I thought painting would help. I thought about asking Morgan to help me just gut the place. But changing the facade isn’t going to erase the memories that house holds.” 

“A fresh start would be good for you all. Especially with your blossoming new relationship.” JJ wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, leaning over and nudging his shoulder with her own.

“I don’t know about that.” He shook his head. “I don’t think it’s going to last with Y/N.”

“But she’s coming to the party? She’s going to meet your kids?” 

“Yeah that might have been an error in judgement.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t want it to end, it’s not like I actively want this to fall apart.” 

“So why do you think it's going to?” She frowned at him. 

“I’ve done the family thing. I don’t want to do it again.” He sighed deeply. “I told her I wasn’t sure if I’d ever want anymore kids but that wasn’t true. Jennifer, I don’t want more kids. Not now, not ever. I love Daisy and Lily with all my heart but I don’t want anymore. I don’t want to get married again, I don’t want any of it. I am crazy about her and I would happily spend the rest of my life with her. But marriage and more kids aren’t in my future. But they are in hers.” 

“Shit,” she sipped her wine. “Shit.” 

“Yeah.” He groaned, reaching across and grabbing her glass from her hand. 

She let him take it and watched him down the entire glass in one. 

“You don’t like white wine.” She rolled her eyes. 

“I do not.” He pulled a face as he swallowed. “That was disgusting.” 

“You’ve gotta talk to her, you know? Probably before she meets your daughters.” 

“That’s gonna be kinda hard don’t you think? What am I meant to do just wait by the door for her to arrive and turn her away? God I’ve fucked up, I need another drink.” He pushed himself up and JJ was quick to do the same. 

Before he could pass her towards the kitchen she grabbed his arm. 

“That is not a good idea.” She tugged him back. “You’re about to host a birthday party for your daughter, do you really want to be drunk for that?” 

“Yes?” He pulled a face with a shrug. 

“Trust me when I say you don’t.” She chuckled. “Maybe once the party is over and the kids have gone back to Maeve’s, but not right now.” 

He heaved a large sigh which told her he conceded even if he wasn’t happy about it. 

“Will you get drunk with me after the party?” He asked a little meekly. 

“Sounds like a date.” She smiled at him. “I’m sure we can even get the others on board.” 

“That would be good, I need that.” He nodded just as the doorbell rang. 

He checked his watch and frowned as he still had fifteen minutes until people were supposed to show up. 

“Why are people always early?” He grumbled, heading to the back door but once again JJ stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. 

When he turned back to her she was proffering a packet of mints his way with a small smile.

“You don’t want Maeve or the kids smelling wine on your breath.” She deposited one in his hand.

He nodded his thanks and popped the mint in his mouth as he continued through the back door and towards the front. 

When he opened the door she was smiling at him over a cake which was at least four times the size of his head. 

“You’re early.” He grumbled, stepping aside to let his ex in Rossi’s house. 

“I wanted to see what you’d done before the party kicked off.” Maeve followed him inside. 

“Didn’t trust me to throw my own kid a birthday party?” He huffed as they headed to the kitchen where JJ was fussing over some food in the oven. 

“Can we not do this today?” Maeve sighed as she set the cake on the counter. 

“Do what?” 

“The passive aggressiveness. Can you just take one day off from hating me so we can celebrate our daughter's birthday?” 

Spencer was going to argue, Maeve knew it and JJ knew it too. JJ came around the kitchen island and stood between the two of them. 

“Where is the birthday girl?” JJ intervened before Spencer could say anything. “Spence, take the cake out to the yard.” 

Spencer huffed like a child, JJ half expected him to stamp his foot. But he did as he was told and picked up the cake, retreating back outside. 

“Bobby took the girls for ice cream. They're going to head over in a bit. She actually believes we aren’t doing anything for her on her birthday.” Maeve giggled. JJ did not.

JJ not so secretly harboured a lot of ill will towards Maeve for the pain she’d caused her best friend. She didn’t try to hide it, didn’t try to pretend to like her. 

Even if Spencer wouldn’t admit how much Maeve’s infidelity had hurt him JJ could see right through him. And so she didn’t try to make a habit of hiding her disdain towards the other woman. 

“Ok.” She replied, heading back towards the oven to put another batch of party food inside. 

Maeve looked around uncomfortably, half wishing she’d come with Bobby and the girls and not on her own. Perhaps this whole party had been a terrible idea. 

Nonetheless she found herself gravitating towards the yard where Spencer was straightening place settings that didn’t need straightening just to avoid going back in the house and talking to her. 

He heard her step out onto the deck but refused to look up, instead kept focused on the table.

“The place looks great, Daisy is really going to love it.” She didn’t dare come closer, staying firmly on the decking.

“Glad you approve.” He scoffed. 

“Spencer,” Maeve sighed. “Is it too much to ask for you to be civil for one day?” 

His eyes suddenly snapped up at her, his movements halting. 

“Was it too much to ask my wife not to cheat on me?” He bit back. 

“I don’t know what else I can say for you to see how sorry I am. I tried to fix things, you’re the one who kicked me out. You’re the one who didn’t want to work on things.” 

“What was there to work on?” He raised his voice. “You were fucking another man behind my back for three years, Maeve! You really think we could have come back from that?” 

“I hurt you, I get it. And I am sorry for that, but at some point you have to get over it, Spencer!” 

“You didn’t hurt me.” He rolled his eyes. “You hurt Daisy. You hurt Lily. You didn’t hurt me.” 

The raised voices caught JJ’s attention. She sighed to herself as she set the oven timer, rounded the island once more and headed for the back door ready to break this up before the kids arrived. 

She got halfway across the kitchen when she heard a tentative knock at the front door. She glanced back towards it before looking back at Spencer and Maeve. 

Hopefully they could refrain from murdering each other while she answered the door. 

With any luck it would be Will and the boys and hopefully Henry and Michael could cheer up their uncle Spencer. 

She padded through the house towards the door as another gentle knock sounded. She unlocked it and opened it to see a slightly frightened young woman on the front porch. 

You rolled your lip between your teeth as you took in the stunning blonde opening David Rossi’s front door. 

Oh jeez, is that his ex? He never mentioned her being so pretty, you mentally cringed. 

She smiled a beautiful and heart stopping smile at you as she held the door open. 

“You must be Y/N?” She beamed, stepping aside. “Come in, please. Spence is in the backyard.” 

Your stomach was coiling into knots as you entered the house, feeling sick about this whole situation. Your hands shook at your sides. 

“It’s so nice to meet you, I’ve heard so much about you.” Her bright blue eyes sparkled and you felt utterly intimidated.

“You…you have?” 

“Of course! Spencer can’t stop talking about you.” She laughed. “I’m JJ by the way.” 

You felt the lead weight in your chest loosen, like you could breathe freely again. 

JJ, she’s JJ. His friend from the BAU, not his ex-wife. Thank god.

“JJ! Sorry yes, Spencer has told me about you too. I’m sorry I thought you were his ex and it threw me a little.” You laughed too. “It’s so nice to…”

You trailed off when the sound of a woman yelling filtered through the house from the backyard. You and JJ exchanged a look as the shouting continued. 

“Uh, that’s his ex.” JJ sighed. “Excuse me, I should see what’s going on.” 

You watched JJ flee towards the back of the house and without really meaning to you followed her. Through the large open back doors you could see Spencer and his ex-wife in mid standoff. 

His back was rigid, his face was bright red, the vein in his forehead pushing wildly and he had his hands clenched into fists. 

Maeve didn’t look any more composed than he did, steam practically coming out of her ears. 

“I swear to god, Spencer, you are such a child sometimes!” Maeve yelled, throwing her arms in the air. 

“I’m a child? I’m a child?” He spat. 

You and JJ stayed in the kitchen, JJ not wanting to get in the middle of this but also not wanting things to get any worse. 

“Yes! You act like you’re fine and that my affair meant nothing to you but then you can’t be civil towards me for even a second. If it really meant so little to you then why do you have to behave like this?” 

“Fine,” he snapped like a frayed cord. “You hurt me, is that what you want to hear?”

“I didn’t say that.” Maeve sighed loudly. “I just wish you would-” 

“I would what? You wish I would, what? You hurt me, ok? You really fucking hurt me.” He cut her off, the pain she’d caused evident in his voice to all three of you. 

Your stomach tightened again, not wanting to be privy to this conversation and clearly neither did JJ. 

Maeve looked away from him, somewhere across the garden and her shoulders slumped. 

“I…I’m sorry Spencer.” She lowered her voice. 

“It’s too late for that. I loved what we had, I loved you! And you hurt me more than I ever thought it possible to be hurt. Are you happy now?” He shook his head angrily. “I wanted to pretend that you didn’t cut me up inside with what you did because it was easier to deal with. I act like I only care that you hurt the girls because if I have to dwell on the fact the love of my life was cheating on me for three years I may never make it out of bed in the morning! 

Goddamnit Maeve, you fucking broke me. You broke me, ok? I will never be the same because of what you did to me. So I’m passive aggressive towards you because if I’m not I might just break down every time I have to look at you. You broke me. You broke my heart.” 

As he said that you felt your own heart breaking. In your peripheral vision you saw JJ looking at you but you were staring right at the side of Spencer’s face. 

And when his first tear escaped, so did your own. 

“Y/N, I-” 

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” You cut JJ off. “I should go.” 

You turned on your heels away from the back door the second Spencer glanced away from Maeve. He saw JJ staring at him in disbelief first and then he saw the back of your retreating head. 

“Y/N?” He wiped his eyes. “Y/N!” 

He started after you and you quickened your pace through the house, desperate to get out of here before having him confront you. 

But of course he caught up with you, just before you reached the front door you felt his hand around your wrist. 

When he tugged you back to face him it was impossible to hide the fact you were crying. 

“Y/N I…I didn’t mean for you to hear that.” He rolled his lip between his teeth guiltily.

“But I did hear it.” You sniffed. “I’m never going to be her am I?” 

“It’s not like that.” He shook his head. “My feelings towards her are complicated. This whole thing is complicated.” 

“Let me uncomplicate it then Spencer. I’m taking myself out of this equation. I’m walking away.” You wiped your eyes on the back of your hand. 

“Please don’t do that. Let’s just talk about this, please?”

“There’s nothing to talk about. We want different things and you have very unresolved feelings for your ex. There is nothing left to say, Spencer. We don’t have the same idea of the future and maybe that’s because you can’t see yourself being with anyone but Maeve and I get it, you were together a long time. I just wish you’d been honest with me from the start. I wish I hadn’t had to witness the love of my life telling another woman she was his.” You turned away from him again to the door and threw it open. 

“Y/N, just wait please I can…” he trailed off seeing a gaggle of teenagers skulking up Rossi’s driveway towards the house.

With everything going on he had almost forgotten about the party. 

It allowed you to make a break, weaving between the kids on the driveway and Spencer couldn’t stop you. 

He plastered on a smile and welcomed Daisy’s school friends to Rossi’s home whilst watching you disappear. 

And there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. 

***

He watched Daisy and the beautiful, bright smile on her face from the kitchen window, arms folded across his chest and just trying to drink it all in. 

The teens had the run of Rossi’s backyard, the adults relegated to the house to allow them some freedom. Music blared from a series of smart speakers which Spencer had no idea how they worked. 

But the kids seemed to enjoy it. 

Daisy was sitting on the edge of the pool, a blonde girl sitting by her side as they chatted and the smile that encompassed his daughter's face told him that girl was Meredith aka the most popular girl at Daisy’s school.

He tried to ignore the way his blood froze in his veins due to the fact his fourteen year old little girl was wearing a bathing suit with teenage boys in the vicinity. 

Her cast had been removed a few days ago, just in time for the party. He was glad she’d healed but also kind of wished she’d had it in a little longer and then at least she might not have been able to swim and therefore wouldn’t be in a damn bathing suit. 

It only really occurred to him as he watched her how grown up she had become. In his mind's eye she was still a little girl, the same little girl who loved ponies and came running to her dad when she was hurt. 

Lily still did, still looked at him like he hung the moon. But it wouldn’t be long before she was a teenager too and pushing her dad away. 

He still remembered the day Daisy was born as though it could have only been yesterday and now she was turning fourteen. She’d be going off to college in the blink of an eye, moving out and forging her own life. And surely it wouldn’t be all that long before Lily was doing the same.

He’d been a father for so long now he didn’t know what he would do with himself when they grew up and he became obsolete. Who was Spencer Reid without his girls? 

He continued watching his eldest daughter, partly because he wanted to feel included in her life and partly because he was avoiding Maeve like the plague. 

He felt a presence enter the kitchen and he prayed that it wasn’t his ex. His company sidled up next to him and he glanced at them, breathing a sigh of relief that it wasn’t Maeve. 

“Is it too much to ask to keep them young forever?” Spencer spoke wistfully, looking back at his daughter.

“Tell me about it,” Matt chuckled dryly. “My eldest is twelve now and I just can’t comprehend how that happened.” 

“I swear it was just yesterday I was bringing her home from the hospital.” 

“Yeah I know that feeling.” Matt patted Spencer’s shoulder. “Just be grateful for the time you still have with Lily before she becomes a teenager too.” 

The tone in Matt’s voice was almost pitiful and Spencer turned away from the window to look at him. 

“You spoke to JJ.” He frowned at the older man. 

“She might have mentioned an altercation.” Matt shrugged. “I assume that’s why you’re avoiding Maeve more than usual.” 

“My daughter's birthday was not the place I imagined my repressed feelings coming to the surface.” He sighed. “Not that I imagined them ever doing so.”

“And in front of your girlfriend too. That’s rough.” Matt offered him a sympathetic smile. 

“I’m almost positive she’s not going to be my girlfriend after today.” 

“Oh man, I’m sure you’ll-”

“Dad!” Daisy’s slightly frustrated voice cut Matt off. 

Spencer spun around to face his daughter who was now in the kitchen, hands on her hips and glaring at her father.

“What is it, pumpkin?” 

Daisy’s cheeks flushed pink and she glanced to her side where the blonde girl was standing, giggling under her breath. 

“Gross, don’t call me that.” Daisy rolled her eyes. 

Spencer pouted, her harsh tone hitting him straight in the chest. He’d called both of his girls pumpkin since they were babies and Daisy had never minded before. 

“Uh…what’s up, Daisy?” He tried again. 

“Can you change the music? My friends don’t want to listen to this old man stuff.” She huffed in such a sassy way Spencer wasn’t even sure he recognised this girl as his daughter. 

He frowned, tuning his ears into the music and noting a Frank Sinatra classic was playing through the speakers. 

It was a great song, but probably not to a fourteen year old. 

“I’ll sort it.” Matt spoke with a smile. 

“Thanks uncle Matt.” Daisy smiled at him before the two girls turned and started back towards the yard.

Spencer watched the blonde link her arm through Daisy’s as they walked.

“Your uncle is so hot.” Meredith’s voice carried towards them. 

Spencer grimaced and Matt chuckled. Spencer shot him a look. 

“What?” Matt shrugged. “I can’t help it.” 

As the two girls headed into the yard, Meredith’s voice met their ears again.

“Your dads kinda creepy though. He’s been watching us through the window for ages.” 

“I know right.” Daisy replied. 

Spencer slapped the palm of his hand against his forehead and grumbled under his breath. 

“This is the worst goddamn day of my life.” Spencer groaned. 

Matt laughed again and clapped a hand on his shoulder. 

“No one ever said raising a teenager was easy.” 

“No kidding.” Spencer mumbled, following on Matt’s heels as he went to change the music. 

***

Two hours passed and the teens had well and truly taken over Rossi’s yard. The older man spent most of the day in the armchair in the corner of the grand living room sipping scotch and trying to pretend the kids weren’t going to destroy his house. 

Spencer kept himself out of the kitchen, not wanting his daughter or her friends to see him as creepy as Meredith had so kindly labelled him. 

Instead every fifteen minutes he sent another member of the BAU to the kitchen for something innocuous so they could subtly check on the teens.

Maeve kept her distant but he still caught her looking his way every so often. He tried to ignore her the best he could, knowing no good could come of talking to her. 

Lily flitted about the room, dividing her time between her parents and all her aunts and uncles as Daisy had strictly told her mother that Lily was not allowed anywhere near her party. 

He excused himself from the room after a while and headed upstairs to make a call. He knew you wouldn’t answer but it didn’t stop him trying.

As expected he got your voicemail and left a long rambling message about how sorry he was for what you’d overheard and how he wanted to explain. He begged you to call him back but wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t. 

When he was about to head back downstairs, he saw her heading his way and he honestly wanted to throw himself over the railing and straight into Rossi’s marbled floor below. 

Anything was better than talking to her. 

“Daisy wants her cake and I knew you wouldn’t want to miss it.” Maeve had her hands in the pockets of her summer dress and she shrugged her shoulders.

“Ok, thanks. I was just coming.” He nodded. 

“No sarcastic response? No passive aggressive comment?” Maeve frowned. 

Spencer sighed loudly, shaking his head. 

“I’m so tired, Maeve.” He ran his tongue along his bottom lip. “I am exhausted with it all. I can’t keep fighting all the time.” 

Her frown deepened. She was fairly sceptical, and with good reason. For the last year all Spencer had wanted to do was fight, he almost seemed to enjoy it. 

“You don’t want to fight?” 

“I don’t have the energy to fight.” He shrugged. “We’re never going to be friends or anything like that, but I’m not fighting anymore. It takes too much out of me. You’re the mother of my children, you’re always going to be a part of my life whether I like it or not.” 

“I appreciate that.” Maeve softened, smiling gently. 

“It’s not for your benefit.” He scoffed. 

“Well that was short lived.” Maeve rolled her eyes, turning away from him and heading towards the staircase. 

“I’m trying.” He called after her, stopping her in her tracks. “I’m not saying it’s going to change overnight but I am trying.” 

She didn’t turn back to him, but she nodded her head as she started down the stairs. 

***

“This has honestly been the worst day ever.” Spencer slurred slightly, waving his glass around and spilling some of the contents over his shirt sleeve. 

“Should we cut him off?” Luke whispered to Penelope who was sitting on his left. 

The party had been over hours ago and all the children had since left, leaving Spencer and his old BAU team to drink in Rossi’s trashed yard. 

Daisy had a wonderful birthday and that was the most important thing to Spencer. The second most important thing was the fact he had royally messed things up with you. 

The moment he’d seen Daisy and Lily off with their mother he’d poured himself a giant glass of scotch in lieu of going home alone. Taco was at the kennel for the night so he had no need to go home.  

At this point he was well over half way through the bottle.

“I think he needs this.” Garcia shrugged sadly. 

“I fucked up with Y/N. She’s never going to talk to me again! What the fuck was I thinking?” He groaned loudly, splashing more alcohol down himself as he gesticulated. 

“It was probably time you finally faced your feelings over your divorce, kid.” Rossi sipped his drink. “Divorce is hard, it’s a shit thing to go through. Trust me, I would know.” 

“You know what’s dumb though? Really fucking dumb considering I’m supposed to be a genius?” He paused to sip his drink. “I honestly didn’t think I was in love with Maeve. Not until she told me she’d cheated. And it felt like my whole fucking world crumbled around me.” 

At least he had stopped crying. For at least an hour he’d sobbed and JJ, Garcia, Emily and Tara took turns holding him while he wept. 

They would all take him angrily ranting over crying any day. 

“Have you considered seeing a therapist?” Tara threw out the question on everyone’s lips. 

“What would I do that for?” He frowned, trying to focus on her but his eyes were misty from the alcohol. 

“Clearly you have a lot of unresolved issues.” Tara replied and that was putting it nicely. “I think talking to a therapist will really help.” 

“No, not gonna happen.” He was scrambling to get out of the lawn chair and failing miserably. 

JJ rolled her eyes and got up, wrapping her arm around his waist and helping him to his feet. 

“Where are you trying to go?” She asked, keeping an arm around him in case he fell over. 

“I…I don’t know.” He pouted. 

“May I suggest bed?” Emily piped up. “Sleep it off Reid.” 

“Yeah I’ve got plenty of room.” Rossi waved a hand in the general direction of the house. 

“Hmm good idea.” He nodded, leaning his weight against JJ. Seconds later he pulled away, his face drained of colour. “Oh fuck…gonna puke.” 

Maybe it was her mothering instinct but JJ jumped into action and managed to speedily help Spencer inside to the kitchen sink, just in time for him to violently spill his guts. 

The sounds emanating from him echoed around the room and into the yard. JJ stroked his back soothingly while he vomited profusely. 

“I think that’s my cue to leave.” Matt downed his drink and stood up.

The rest of the team silently agreed, finishing their own drinks and meandering into the house. 

Rossi saw them off, Matt and Tara who had only indulged in one drink each got in their cars while Garcia, Luke and Emily shared a cab toward their own homes. 

Spencer spent a long time being sick in the sink before he finally stood back and JJ handed him a glass of water. He leant against the counter and sipped it slowly. 

Rossi had taken his leave to bed, not much wanting to clean up after Spencer. 

“I’m sorry. You really don’t have to look after me.” He grumbled. 

“But I’m gonna do it anyway.” She smiled at him. “Let me help you upstairs. I think I’ll stay the night too. I don’t feel comfortable leaving you like this.” 

She thought he might argue but he honestly didn’t have the strength to. Instead he heaved a sigh and nodded. 

He finished the water and JJ aided him to one of Rossi’s guest rooms with an arm around his waist. He flopped to the bed fully dressed and on top of the covers. 

He was asleep within seconds. 

JJ quietly retreated from the room and made her way to the other guest bedroom whilst sending Will a text to let him know she wouldn’t be home. 

She got into bed, her heart aching for her best friend. She’d never seen him like this before, not even in the aftermath of Maeve’s affair. 

She’d always known it would come bubbling to the surface one day, pain needed to be felt one way or another. But now he’d unlocked that particular box she feared he may never come back from it. 

The beast had been unleashed and if Spencer didn’t find a healthy way to cope with his demons, she knew it would ultimately be his demise.

***

When Spencer finally surfaced around midday he looked about as bad as JJ expected him to. He still wore yesterday's clothes, now wrinkled from being slept in. 

She’d spent the morning helping Rossi clean his house of the mess from the party and both of them were sipping coffee at the kitchen island when Spencer emerged.

“Morning, how are you feeling?” JJ asked. 

He went straight to the sink, poured a glass of water and downed it in one before he could speak. 

“Like I drank an entire brewery, screamed at my ex-wife and destroyed my relationship.” He croaked. “Pretty impressive for one night.” 

“I know this isn’t what you’re gonna want to hear but you’ve been bottling up your feelings for Maeve for over a year, it was bound to come out.” Rossi shrugged. 

Spencer grumbled a little, padding to the chair on the other side of the counter and slumping into it. 

“You know I sometimes still picture her at the house.” He sighed deeply. “Like I close my eyes and I can sense her you know? Hear her in the kitchen when I come home from work, hear her reading to the girls, taking a shower or whatever. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night because I swear I can smell her shampoo on the pillow.” 

JJ reached across the counter and placed her hand on top of his as his eyes glazed over with tears. She didn’t talk and so he continued. 

“I did love her, I still do. I don’t want to be with her anymore, not after what she did. But I miss her. I miss the life we used to have. But it makes me feel so stupid admitting as much when she made me feel like our life together meant nothing.” He dislodged his hand from under JJ’s and raked his fingers through his knotted hair. “I really messed up with Y/N. There’s no coming back from this.” 

“You’ll figure it out. You’re a genius after all.” She smiled softly at him. “You ok to drive home?” 

“Yeah I’ll be fine. Thanks for letting me throw the party here Dave and for letting me crash.” 

“No problem, kid. Get home safe.” 

JJ and Spencer got to their feet and said their goodbyes to Rossi. They headed to their cars but before they went their separate ways he threw his arms around her. 

He held her for a long few minutes, trying to communicate without the use of words just how much her friendship meant to him. 

Eventually he let go and they got into their respective cars. 

Spencer drove out and collected Taco from the kennel before making the pilgrimage out to his home in the suburbs. 

Once he got home he forced himself to shower and change even though his head was pounding from last night's alcohol. Something had to give. He couldn’t keep living like this. 

His alcohol use was becoming unhealthy and it was a slippery slope into addiction, as he knew all too well. 

After he was dressed he collected every single bottle of alcohol in his house and without a second thought he poured it all down the drain. Out of sight, out of mind. 

He fed Taco and let him play in the yard while he sat in his office with a large mug of coffee. He switched on his computer and started Googling realtors in the area. 

He knew he’d never be able to move on whilst living in this house. He didn’t want to go far, didn’t want to pull his girls out of their school and away from their friends but he couldn’t stay in this place any longer. 

He sent off some emails enquiring about having his home valued and specifications of what he was looking for in a new house. 

He knew he needed to go out but he was purposefully putting it off, finding anything to distract himself from what he needed to do. 

He even sat and watched Taco roam the yard for at least half an hour, just to avoid the inevitable. 

But he needed to do this. He needed to face this. 

Eventually, several hours after he arrived home, he forced his feet in his shoes and grabbed his car keys. Hopefully Taco wouldn’t cause too much of a nuisance while he was gone. 

He jumped in his car and started his journey into DC, knowing full well that nothing he could say would make this better. 

It was time to face the music. 

@andiebeaword @dreatine @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @people-whatabunchofbastards @justreadingficsdontmindme @spencer-reid-wonderland @thebloomingeagle @foxy-eva @kbakery @simxican @aysixdy @givemeth @loonalockley @shamelessfangirl-3 @redbulldinner @derekm24 @pinkiceee-prose @werewolfbansheelove @mindbelova @angelicasworld

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Wait what's wrong with Maeve and Maxine 😭😭 and I do agree that there's sm off with Garcia in CME

There’s nothing wrong with them, really. If you like them, then power to you. The show is fictional and so are the characters, and I don’t ever recommend that people care as much about prime-time television writing as I do lmao.

That being said, I have a few complaints about Maeve as a character and Maxine as a partner for Spencer. I’ll put them below because it’s a lot.

For starters, Maeve is an awful geneticist. I’m also confused as to what the hell her job is. If you have an understanding of medical science, you know that absolutely no part of their story makes sense unless Maeve is an awful person.

(For the record, I don’t think the writers understand medical science, so this is probably unintentional.)

We’re introduced to Maeve as the woman who cured Spencer’s headaches. When he explains how she did that, the “magical cure” is, in fact, the equivalent of a multivitamin. Setting aside how unlikely it is that none of Spencer’s doctors could identify a very basic nutritional deficiency, it’s absolutely absurd that Maeve would recommend high doses of vitamins to someone who isn’t her patient.

(Is she even a medical doctor. Do we ever get confirmation? You don’t need to be to be a geneticist. I know because I’ve worked for one.)

That leads to the next question. Why the FUCK did she agree to read someone’s brain scans? You are NOT a radiologist and you’re not a neurologist. You have NO idea what you’re doing.

Now we move into her even more serious ethical violations.

Maeve identifies this man who is desperately seeking care for (what appear to be) psychosomatic symptoms as a result of trauma and stress. Instead of, I don’t know, helping him access psychiatric care he clearly needs, she…

That’s right! She starts dating him!

Maeve is a master manipulator. We see it repeatedly. Every time that Spencer begins to open up to her or offer her any vulnerability, she responds by either mocking the things he enjoys or by suddenly freezing him out. The one extended conversation we see between the two of them, Spencer expresses the desire to get to know her better, and once again offers his very specialized assistance in her exact problem.

What does Maeve do in response? She refuses to answer. The call goes silent, and she immediately proceeds to heavily guilt him while he apologizes in excess. She starts to vocally cry, but then immediately stops when he retracts his feelings.

Then, when he is devastated by being rejected, she tells him that she loves him and hangs up the phone.

What?

Then we get introduced to Bobby—the very recent fiancé that Maeve completely refused to mention. We hear from Maeve’s parents that Bobby was “controlling,” but when we see him, and how he interacts with Maeve… he’s completely normal? In fact, he seems genuinely concerned for her safety.

We have no reason to believe Bobby was ever acting against her best interests. She sure didn’t give a shit what happened to him, though, or else she could’ve helped him (and herself) by simply letting the FBI help her with a very basic and unsophisticated stalker that was identified in like five seconds.

Maeve didn’t want help. Maeve didn’t want Spencer to be cured. She wanted him to be available and rely on her because she was bored. She was lonely and she exploited a sick man for company. She left Bobby because she was worried about his safety. Didn’t give a fuck about Spencer’s, though.

I think Spencer knew that, too. Because even in his fantasy of her, he playfully corrects her just for her to shut him down for “arguing” with her. Because he corrected something she said that was literally just wrong.

So, that’s why I hate her.

(Don’t even get me started on how nothing they did made sense to avoid a stalker. You had Spencer call the same number every week on the same time through the same mechanism. Her number. She never changed her number. How many times does the BAU tell us that routine is a stalker’s best friend? Come on, man.)

Moving on to Maxine.

She’s fine. Really, I don’t have any qualms with who she is as a person except for the fact she’s a teacher who hates her job (and her name). You’re telling me this woman who went through school for art history hates children’s art? What?

Also, why are you devaluing children’s art? They’re kids. Are you okay?

The first thing we learn about her is that she’s a teacher, but she hates it because children’s art is lame. So, with a man’s permission (Spencer), she leaves that job to go work for the Smithsonian (Finally! A prestigious enough career for her!).

Setting aside how cringeworthy that notion is, it’s not even the worst part about that storyline.

My problem with her is the way they set up their relationship. Saturday begins with Spencer expressing his (very autistic) concerns about connecting with other people. In response, the psychologist essentially tells him to… just be normal, dude.

That’s when we meet Max, who then spends the rest of their onscreen time together constantly reminding Spencer how fucking weird he is and he should just chill out and be normal.

Pass.

That whole idea of “ommmggg we’re not dating okay it’s super chill and casual 🙄 we’re not dating it’s not even that serious 😒 he’s NOT my boyfriend I don’t want to call him that 😬” is also… not cute. It’s very juvenile and sort of insulting. It always came off to me as her repeatedly saying she doesn’t even really like him that much, she’s just there because the narrative needs her.

Then we get Date Night. What a fucking disaster of an episode. Here, we get to see Cat and Spencer reduced to absolute idiots who randomly believe a basic ass young woman’s super manufactured story about how she murdered someone.

Are you serious? Cat Adams, an actual serial killer, can’t tell when someone isn’t an actual murderer?

SPENCER REID, AN ACTUAL GENIUS AND A DECORATED BEHAVIORAL PROFILER, CAN’T TELL WHEN HIS GIRLFRIEND IS LYING ABOUT BEING A MURDERER?

Of course, we’re meant to believe she’s “just that good,” and also seemingly totally fine under the pressure of her family being kidnapped and potentially murdered.

(Maybe she is a psychopath?)

Her little jokes about Cat as a “mean girl but stabby” are so poorly received in the context of the episode. We have Spencer, still reeling from JJ’s forced confession and the upcoming loss of his mother, lamenting about how he really needs to stop basing his whole identity on the women who love him. Yet, that’s exactly what Max is there for. To be “better than Cat” so he has someone new to attach his mouth to.

(Also, super fucking weird she abandoned her family and kissed him after saying how much he liked kissing Cat, but we’ll move past that.)

Max is a mediocre character and a misogynist’s attempt to make a girlboss. She is also a way for the writers to reinforce that Spencer will only be deserving of love when he stops being so autistic “weird” and learns to just be “normal.”

Spencer frankly deserves better than that. This is why I’ve always loved his love interests like Lila and Austin. They reveled in Spencer’s “weirdness.” They found his real personality charming and cute. They were nice to him because they actually liked him.

So, that’s why I don’t like Maeve and Maxine. Feel free to disagree, but you should probably argue with someone else because I’ve developed my opinion after (too) many rewatches. I don’t see my perspective changing much.

That brings me back to how I started this rant, though. This is a fictional serial television show. It’s not literature to be preserved forever. It’s just our fun little copaganda show, and you can enjoy it however you want! That is your right, and you shouldn’t let me rain on your parade.

Just have fun! That’s what fandom is all about.

[thefirstknife]

Ishtar updated so some stuff is on there finally. Didn't want to spam with too many huge posts with just walls of text.

Absolutely losing it about Chivalric Fire seasonal sword. We finally have a canon reason for ornaments from each vendor. It's becuse they argue what the weapon should look like.

"It should be elegant," says Zavala, striking his breastplate with a fist.

Shaxx isn't having it:

Shaxx's firm gesture of denial drives the side of his hand into a shelf. An Omolon-branded canister falls off and rolls across the floor. "It must be an unstoppable force in sword form! It should spit fire! Also, it should be red."

And then Drifter:

"No, no," the Drifter says from the doorway. He kicks the rolling canister away without looking down. "I'm a law-abiding citizen. I pay my taxes. You can trust me. It needs to look mean. You want people thinking: 'They're madder, badder, and hungrier than me. I'm not tangling with them.'"

I'm losing it over him emphasising that he's a law-abiding citizen. It makes him least likely to be a law-abiding citizen. Then poor Banshee is like can you guys settle on a single design and they continue arguing. Absolutely incredible.

A lot of people already posted about the exotic sparrow Nostos. It's about Eramis reminiscing about her wife Athrys and their children and thinking where she might be now. And then she just basically more or less decides to go to them:

It was the same map that Eramis's mate, Athrys, had followed out of Sol. It even included the habitable zones she'd tabbed as potential landing sites. By now, Athrys might be Kell of her own settlement, living happily alongside their grown hatchlings. Or they might all be long-dead. In truth, Eramis hadn't wondered at either possibility for decades. But ever since she saw the Witness disappear into its portal, Eramis could think of little else. All her prior aspirations were made suddenly small. Eliksni solidarity, revenge against the Traveler, enmity with the Humans… they were all irrelevant. If a second Whirlwind was her fate, Eramis would suffer it as she had the first: with Athrys by her side.

Btw, "nostos" is a theme in Ancient Greek stories, about a hero heroically returning home.

Gloaming Journeyer has also been posted by pretty much everyone. It's about Drifter and Eris sharing an incredibly tender moment and finding peace with each other. Just read it.

Wyrmguard seasonal arm piece has a devastating update on Shaw Han's lore in which it is revealed that the Ahamkara exotic he wears is what he made a wish to. He wanted to have his own fireteam. At the end, he gets a call from "Caster-3" aka Cas, one of the members of his fireteam (alongside Maeve) that ended up dying to Navota. The backfire of a wish. Man.

And one more funny for the end, for Dragon's Breath. A return of Marcus Ren and Enoch Bast! They're doing fine and they're being dumbasses together with their friend, Ariadne Gris. Ariadne might be familiar to people who remember obscure lore from the vanilla sparrow lore Dinas Emrys in which Ariadne was called to the Vanguard to explain why she has a dragon symbol painted on her sparrow. She was being suspected of having an Ahamkara. Ikora found this whole thing ridiculous and Ariadne defended herself by saying a dragon painted on a sparrow was "cool."

And she's back at it again in Dragon's Breath, offended that it's called Dragon's Breath but not having a dragon painted on it. Enoch and Marcus then get a deal with her: she'll race her sparrow against the speed of the rocket. What happens next will shock you. Also, important:

Enoch says. At his side, Marcus studies the case.

Not beating the allegations that they're partners.

[cagedchoices]

tag drop, part I

GENERAL TAGS I'M AN UNDERACHIEVER — OUT. IT'S STILL ME — FACE. SO IT TELLS THEM WHO I AM — ABOUT. ROUGH EDGES ARE THE ONLY THING I'M HANGING ONTO — MUSINGS/AESTHETICS. AT LEAST YOU HAVE SOME INTERESTING COMPANY — PROMO. WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? — SELF PROMO. THEY BUILT THE WORLD TO BE A GAME — PROMPT. YOU KNOW THE DRILL — REPLY. YOU GOT MY MESSAGE? — ANSWERED.

CHARACTER TAGS (GENERAL) WHATEVER YOU'RE INTO MUST BE PRETTY BAD — DOLORES. YOU EVER THINK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? — MAEVE. I WON'T REST UNTIL EVERYTHING YOU BUILT IS DESTROYED — CHARLOTTE. YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF PERSON CAN'T BE BEAT? THE KIND THAT DOESN'T GIVE UP — FRANKIE.

DYNAMIC TAGS AM I THE BAD GUY? IS THAT WHY YOU PICKED ME? — DYN | DOLORES & CALEB. YOU'VE SAVED MY LIFE BEFORE...HAPPY TO RETURN THE FAVOR — MAEVE & CALEB. I HAVE SOMETHING THAT YOU DON'T HAVE — DYN | CHARLOTTE & CALEB. I WILL COME BACK TO YOU...I PROMISE — UWADE & CALEB. YOU'RE MY WARRIOR...I LOVE YOU — FRANKIE & CALEB. WE HAD TO HAVE OUR OWN PLAN...STICK TOGETHER — FRANCIS & CALEB.

[the-modern-typewriter]

Are you planning to publish any more books in the future? other than the God Key, already finished that :D

Yes :)

Though I don't have a complete first draft of either of the next ones yet. I have a lot of projects up in the air which means that it can be slow going on any one project.

Contenders for up next, depending on what I finish first, are:

Totally WIP/not really posted anywhere...

Moonlight Drowning - girl trying to rescue her sister from a fairy king (probs king, dithering on changing to a queen), appetite, desire, I'm thinking dark romance fantasy vibes.

Say Yes - my initial idea was a fluffy contemporary ace YA romance. But honestly, I'm not a fluffy person, and I might veer adult instead. We'll see what happens.

Then there is all the Patreon stuff. These are probably the closest to actual novels at this stage.

Adrian and Demarion - gay pirates, so help me god I want it done at this stage. It's been lingering on my to do list for far too long and it's driving my nuts!

For Kingdom, Come - dark fantasy gay royal romance??? Magnus and Leo. Idk. Good prince gets captured by evil prince. Shenanigans. Currently sitting at 48,000 words. Nearing the end. It's definitely in the last act now.

The Forbidden Section - weirdly fluffy/angst/ust romance about a Dark Lord (Eiran) and the scholar the dark-magic obsessed scholar (Akira) who he blackmailed into being his apprentice. It's primarily a romance with a sprinkle of magical school/chosen one plot. Currently sitting at 52,000 words. Over halfway through. Maybe beginning of third act?

The Birthday Gift - a novella about a villain's nonbinary sidekick (Absolute Zero/Zee) who gets giving the hero (Evolution/Jason) as a birthday gift. Story spins out from there. Currently sitting at 25,000 words. Nearing the end.

Cheating Death - human (Sebastian) walks in on his human lover (Kristian) cheating on with a vampire (Ansel). He finds out that he's secretly been their mission to protect all along, because he has magical blood that can cure vampirism. Plot shenanigans and polyamory to follow. Currently sitting at 37,000 words.

And that's not getting into the WIPs that are currently sitting on my abandoned/needs serious re-work pile.

Double Exposure - f/f serial killer thriller. The first few drafts are finished, but I'm not 100% happy with it. Needs a lot of work still.

The Forever Girl - a middle grade novel about a girl (Maeve) who becomes best friends with Time after her dad dies. I think I need to spend more time with children if I'm ever going to finish that one. It's outlined and the first draft is 75% written haha.

[gallavichsreddie1128]

Fake Dating Homelander

Description: Y/N and Homie have to fake date to get ratings up.

Word Count: 878

Y/N sat in her chair in the Seven's headquarters as Stan told her and the worst person on the planet that it would be good for ratings if they started dating. “Absolutely not.” Her response, Homelander, looked offended by that. “Wow, that was harsh.” He joked but Y/N knew he wasn’t joking. She rolled her eyes. “It would help with ratings.” Stan said. Homelander looked at Y/N, “Yeah come Y/S/N don’t you wanna get the ratings up?” She rolled her eyes again, “Not by dating a dickhead like you.” She said. “Ouch.” Y/N knew that she didn’t have a way out of this but still was not going to go down without a fight. “Can’t you get starlight or Maeve?” “Maeve is a lesbian and Starlight is already in a relationship that is public. You’re not.” Stan said. “Okay first of all, Maeve is bi and second I don’t wanna have to act like I’m in love with him.” Y/N pointed at Homelander. “It won’t be that bad.” He gave her a fake smile. Y/N didn’t return it. 

And just like that the relationship was announced a day later. Homelander took her hand as he talked to the crowd. “I love her and she is the light of my life and I’m so happy that we can be public now.” Y/N wanted to puke but instead gave a fake smile and kissed him on the cheek. She hoped someone out there would see through the bullshit and start a rumor.

“Ugh finally.” Y/N said as she let go of Homelander’s hand. It’s been a week and it was already annoying. Homelander didn’t seem to mind it, in fact Y/N had the theory that it was his idea. “Quit being a baby.” He said. She rolled her eyes and entered the elevator that he unfortunately entered as well. “You act like I’m so bad.” “Cuz you are.” “I save lives, I’m a fucking hero. You should be grateful to be with someone like me.” She wanted to laugh at him. He seriously was that delusional. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.” She said and exited the elevator. 

Over time Y/N noticed that Homelander wasn’t being pushy with her and he was actually being sweet. Even off camera. She didn’t know why or really understand it but it was kinda nice. A year would pass by before the truth would be revealed. Homelander was supposed to purpose to Y/S/N in front of the whole world. Y/N jaw dropped at the idea. “Why can’t we just break up? Fake dating is one thing but now marriage?” Homie kept silent as she ranted about how it wasn’t a good idea. Stan didn’t care how she felt about it at all, it was going to happen. 

“I have an announcement to make.” He said as the audience clapped. “As you guys may know, the woman next to me is the best person i’ve ever met.” He turns to Y/N as the crowd goes wild. “She is so kind, so caring and so beautiful. This past year has been amazing for me.” Y/N felt herself go red at what he was saying. “But it would be better if it were real.” Everyone goes silent at his words. “Y/N, This past year has been amazing, us fake dating has made me realize that it’s not fake, at least for me. I’ve fallen in love with you and I want this to be real so..” He gets on one knee causing everyone to gasp. “Will you actually marry me?” Her eyes widened as she stared at the ring in his hands. The smile on his face was genuine and it all clicked in her head. The world was waiting for her to answer as she finally made eye contact with him, “No.” His face dropped but he remained on one knee. “I won’t, I can’t marry you.” She said and looked at the crowd. “I’m sorry.” She said and ran off the stage, leaving him there, embarrassed. She turned him down in front of the whole world.

She ran to her dressing room and shut the door. She leaned against it and slid down it. What the actually fuck just happened? She knew that he would want to kill her after embarrassing him but why couldn’t he just stick to the script? What made him think 100% that she would say yes?  A knock at the door broke her from her thoughts. She got up and opened the door. He stood there with a straight face, eyes that didn’t have any emotion behind them. She stood in fear as he didn’t say anything to her but stared. “I don’t know why you went off script and decided to do that. I mean what made you think I would say yes to you?” She asked. “You should’ve either way. You embarrassed me.” He growled. “I don’t love you, let alone like you.” She said. He smiled, an evil and scary smile. “Oh you will. Trust me you will.” He said and left. She stood there and thought of what he could’ve meant by that. He couldn’t make her fall in love with him, right? Does he actually think that she could ever love a monster like him?  

[separatist-apologist]

thoughts on tog couples? do you ship rowaelin?

I definitely have thoughts. I don't ship Rowaelin- I KIND of liked it in QoS (I think?), but then immediately back peddled in the next book. My issues are this, you can take them or leave them:

Aelin is 18 years old when Rowan finds her on that roof. She's burdened with saving her home and her friends and feels responsible for the death of a friend, so she's not doing well.

Additionally, Aelin's whole life from 8 years old onward is about survival first- sometimes I feel like people forget that Arobynn KNOWS who she is and weaponizes this knowledge against a little girl before playing with her like a toy.

She also watches what could happen to her through Lysandra, should Arobynn ever change his mind about her. She's either violent tool or she's a submissive toy- but at not point is she EVER a person.

By contrast, when Rowan meets Aelin, he is an old ass man. And I'm sorry, but I'm tired of SJM telling me that these fae warriors have immaculate self-control but then everything we see is the opposite. Rowan is angry he's been assigned to train Aelin- which she NEVER asked him for. That's on Maeve. Every issue Rowan has is with Maeve, but because he lacks the power to punish Maeve, he punishes Aelin instead.

Aelin wishes his people die- this is always the line where people are like, okay well I understand he's mad- but like, again she is a child in Rowan's aging terms, lashing out because he's been a fucking dick 24/7 since picking her up.

Rowan is practically baiting Aelin into suicide and needs someone outside of his group of comrades/training to tell him that he is going out of his way to harm her, and can he PLEASE stop?

I'm not even touching on the whole face punching thing.

My issue with Rowaelin is that Rowan never really views Aelin as a person until she proves herself useful to him in battle, which nearly kills her (because Aelin is self-sacrificial to a point), and he sees what her homeland did to her. Only then can he find empathy for her, only then does he shift the way he treats her. If Rowan had been kinder from the start, Aelin might have had a better command of her magic that prevented the burning up to begin with.

But he lets all his own prejudices and emotions get the better of him for too long, and I never quite got over how they started. I don't think he ever deserved her loyalty, and I get tired of stans saying they were both equally awful because like, Rowan has a duty to Aelin to help her. It's not her fault Lyra was killed, or that he's enslaved to Maeve, or even that he was assigned to train her when all she wanted was to ask for help from a powerful relative.

Also, in later books SJM seems to realize that the age gap might be weird for some readers and instead of just leaning into the trope, she has Rowan thinking about how he "forgets" Aelin is only 19 because she's so much more mature and I wish she hadn't done that. I think most fantasy readers accept this age gap trope, so she forces us, instead, to keep acknowledging it and it makes him read a little creepy.

[fazedlight]

Dreams (Nia character study/brainia)

It started with a dinosaur. 

A… purple dinosaur.

Of all the things for a teenager to have recurring dreams about, Nia couldn’t fathom for the life of her why Barney was haunting her. Sometimes his green spots would overwhelm him, or glow white - other times, he’d be completely blue. She’d watch in bewilderment before waking up.

Then he started showing up playing the theme song on some sort of flute - I love you, you love me - and she felt like she was going insane.

---

The sleepless nights were starting to get in the way.

All she wanted to do was write about fashion - to share with the world how this form of self-expression was so inherent to being alive, to help people understand that how we present ourselves was an art form in its own right.

All she wanted to do was impress reporter Kara Danvers. Yet there she was, complaining about coffee on her clothes to a stranger who turned out to be her idol, only to later fall asleep at her desk.

Why am I like this?

---

She didn’t catch the name of the man in the pizza shop. Truth was, she was entirely too pissed off about the whole incident to think that far ahead, and her sleep-deprived brain was too exhausted to make the swerve from thinking about the pizza shop owner’s bigotry to figuring out how to flirt with a stranger.

But she did feel a tug of interest that day, and she was kicking herself in the aftermath. Why did I tell him to find me?, she lamented, I should’ve just given him my number.

The mystery didn’t last long, as the stranger reappeared - A friend of Kara’s? Small world - rattling off her address and phone number and other personal details as he reached for a scone. “Why didn’t you call?” Nia asked, laughing.

“You told me to find you, not call you.”

Nia smiled. Another person might’ve found the response creepy, but she found it oddly charming.

---

The dreams were only getting worse. Random shapes and images, or moments that would repeat in real life the next day, or horrific happenings that Nia prayed weren’t real.

Still, the cracks in her shell didn’t start appearing until she found Kara Danvers knocking at her door. Somehow, the blonde’s calm and compassionate demeanor finally let Nia open up - and so Kara became the first person Nia told about her suspicions, that the dreamer powers had come to her. What will Maeve think?, Nia lamented.

Nia wilted under Kara’s optimism, realizing the blonde thought far too much of her abilities. “My dreams aren’t like you think,” Nia asserted. “I don’t even know what’s going on.”

But Kara had a solution for that, too. Brainy strolled in - calling her by an old traditional naltorian name, which Nia found astonishingly odd - and offered to help her.

What surprised her most - more than Kara’s compassion or Brainy’s ability to trigger her dreams - was that she had been able to help in the fight against Agent Liberty.

She supposed that was something.

---

That was not the first date she had expected.

In fact, it hadn’t been a date at all, which had left her in a rather dour mood.

Me? A superhero?, Nia thought, reflecting on Brainy’s proposal. That’s crazy.

---

Someone brought coffee for the team at Catco. One was even her go-to sugar-free vanilla latte. 

That wasn’t the part that bothered her. What bothered her was the “Barney” written on the cup. Suddenly those dreams she hadn’t thought of in years came back to her. Like the dinosaur? “Who’s Barney?” she asked to the room.

“Barney Fife,” Brainy said, “is my name among humans.”

Fife? Like a flute? The damn psychedelic dinosaur flashed in her mind, and she suddenly realized why it would at times shift from blue or green. Oh for fuck’s sake.

---

There was no more running from it.

She dreamt of spiders and black ink and poison. And then her mother had died, and she was forced to reveal herself to save the town. As Maeve bitterly threw her biology in her face, Nia found herself feeling more alone than she had ever been. There’s no turning back now, she mourned.

Life will never be simple again.

---

She couldn’t believe that her idol - in the form of reporter Kara Danvers - could also be Supergirl.

Stranger still was realizing the weight that Kara had on her shoulders, the secrets she carried. Nia had never thought about the burden of heroism, but she supposed she was going to find it out first hand. “Help me train,” she asked Brainy.

It became a burning desire, to honor her mother and heritage - something she could hold onto in the face of her mother’s death and her sister’s rejection. The walls she had built up to avoid even acknowledging her powers seemed to collapse in one fell stroke, and she found herself pushing to the edges of what was possible as the dreamer. Far too quickly, she knew, but if she could just be useful…

But that wasn’t in Brainy’s syllabus. It wasn’t the pace she should be training at. “And now you’re astral projecting,” Brainy said, “That jumps months of training.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Nia murmured, “I just… I move too fast because that’s what I do.”

“That’s what heroes do,” Brainy asserted, “Leaping before one looks is part of the job description.”

Nia eyed him curiously, realizing she had misread the situation. Brainy wasn’t frustrated. If she didn’t know better, she’d think that was admiration in his eyes.

---

She thought things were going well. Until James ended up in the hospital. What use are these powers if I can’t even keep my friends from getting shot?, Nia thought.

She watched as Brainy’s own guilt ate at him, his own fears bubbling to the surface - how he couldn’t protect James, how he almost couldn’t save Kara, how he didn’t want to become the evil mastermind that his family was hoping for.

She kissed him.

But Brainy broke away. “You and I can never be together,” he said. It didn’t really make sense, but all Nia could do was watch him leave. Sometimes a dream is just a dream.

---

“What are you doing?!” Nia asked, as Brainy locked her up again. What’s going on with you?

“You have to go through the portal,” Brainy said nonchalantly. “Once you’re on the other side, astral project.”

“Brainy,” Nia shouted,  “You can’t do this-”

She continued calling his name as he closed the container… but he was gone.

---

She had faked her own kidnapping, then gotten actually kidnapped when she was abandoned by Brainy, then finally managed to astral project and pass on a message - ending up facing a reactor in the middle of gearing up to commit a genocide against her mentor’s people.

It was not a good day.

Nia sprinted to the other side of the reactor, ignoring Brainy’s statistical analysis as she forced a surge of power in the hopes of matching J’onn, trying to overwhelm the reactor into shutting down.

She could hear Brainy, hear the odd cadence of his voice change, going from the cold facade that he had adapted when he locked her into the container, to a confused series of mumbles about Socrates and Monty Python, until he finally seemed to snap.“Stop! Stop what you’re doing!” Brainy shouted desperately, his cadence sounding normal again. “What you’re doing doesn’t make any sense!”

That’s what heroes do, Nia thought as she struggled, unable to reply to him as she focused on pumping energy into the reactor. Leaping before one looks is part of the job description.

She couldn’t move from her spot, couldn’t check the progress of the reactor. She could only try to cause as much power to surge as she could, knowing that J’onn was just across the way, trying to do the same. Is this where we die?, she wondered briefly. Will we save Argo?

The mystery didn’t last, not as Brainy’s words began to break through again. “You’re amazing!,” he shouted, and she almost smiled through gritted teeth. It’s working, she thought, we’re winning. “You’re astounding!” Brainy continued to shout, the joy rising in his voice as he paced. “You’re astazing, Nia Nal… and I love you.”

It was then that the sparks became overwhelming, and all three of them collapsed onto the floor as the reactor blew. The core is self-destructing, she thought gratefully, trying to catch her breath.

Nia turned to Brainy, and was surprised to find him looking overwhelmed. He smiled back warmly. “When this is over,” he said, “I would like to ask you on a proper date.”

Nia’s heart skipped a beat. “Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.”

“I have not asked yet,” he clarified, rising to his feet. “Back to battle?”

Nia bit back a smile. “Of course.”

---

Nia collapsed onto her couch. What a day, she thought, reflecting on the superfriends’ debriefing. “Not every day is like this one,” J’onn had said.

The dizzying moment of the evening had definitely been when Kara - the person she looked up to most, both as a reporter and a neophyte vigilante - had pulled her aside. “Thank you for saving my people,” the kryptonian had said.

Nia smiled at the memory.

She heard a knock at the door, and groaned slightly as she dragged herself off her couch. Maybe that’s the pizza I ordered, she thought, but she felt the briefest flash of a dream - that damn dinosaur again.

She opened the door, finding Brainy on the other side, holding a bouquet of roses. “I am proposing we spend an evening together,” he said, as Nia smiled and took the flowers. “I am thinking of dinner, and… a movie,” he continued dramatically. “Nia Nal, would you go on a date with me?”

Nia grinned. “Yes.”