#you dont need to take hormones ONLY if you're trans! many cis people take hormones for verious reasons!

[drdemonprince]

Any chance you'd expand on the hank hill trans guy post? (Sorry, best indicator I could come up with.) The concept interests me as I decidedly know my maleness, yet don't feel impeded by for the most part, any male gendered norms/boxes. I am fairly masculine, though I rarely use those kinds terms to describe myself. I have found I often do stray outside of what society pushed for me when I transitioned, yet I again do not feel it has taken from my right to maleness whatsoever. I am just me, who happens to be male. I have had friends try and suggest I am NB adjacent but I do not feel this way whatsoever. I feel more people are outliers to gender expectation than we care to admit and it's disappointing the way cis-people deny that. Hope this wasn't too long winded, I value your writing and perspective, and wanted to hear more of your thoughts on this.

Yeah, well so many things all get conflated by gender labels, and it's all so personal, you know? Masculinity does not have to mean maleness, and a person's gender identity might be a reflection of some innate quality they experience themselves as having, or a general summary of their tendencies, or their desired presentation, or their sense of affinity with other people, or an interpersonal tool, or something they just go along with because it was given to them by society, or any other number of things.

I think my recent substack piece on detransition goes into this pretty well, and I have an upcoming piece of what @pastimperfection calls "bilateral dysphoria" that comes out next week that delves into it too.

I think I mostly saw taking on a male identity as a means to an end more than any kind of innate reflection of who I was, though I did feel an affinity with effeminate men for a lot of reasons. I think I also discounted how much I have in common with my fellow nonbinary people of all stripes, because that identity became so strongly associated with being an annoying type of queer person that everybody else just wrote off as ultimately being their assigned gender at birth anyway no matter how much they protested. it doesn't help that 'nonbinary' is a catchall term for literally thousands if not millions of very distinct experiences and desires.

transitioning gave me control over how i was perceived, finally, but hormones are a throttle that only go in one very specific direction, and you don't really have all that much control over which changes kick in at which times and what people will make of you once you do start registering to them as some identity other than what you were first saddled with. it's an incredible gift to be able to toggle that throttle. but it's limited, not because medical transition isn't incredible and needed for so many, but because there is no escaping the goddamned binary cissexist logic that influences everything about how people treat you, how you navigate institutions, who finds you desirable and what they want out of you, and so much else.

if you're able to cast a lot of the external societal bullshit aside and feel strong in your maleness, maybe you're stronger than me or maybe our orientation to these things is just different, i don't know. i was never all that sensitive to feedback that i was doing the whole being-a-woman-thing all that wrong. i reveled in violating those rules to an extent. succeeding at being a woman despite my best attempts was what felt super dysphoric. and now i guess im succeeding at being a man, insofar as im always read as one, and it feels just as uncomfortable and objectifying and false. i thought that with manhood i could probably just grit my teeth and deal with it, but i'm finding that i can't.

ive always been very open that for me, gender is a thing I Do, and i guess to those who know me well it wouldnt be surprising to hear that i have gotten tired of Doing Being a Man and dont feel like playing that particular gendered game anymore. I tend to get bored of things! and find the flaws in things. and find my comfort in being fault-finding and contrarian and not being a joiner. and thats okay. i learned a lot along the way. not having to try any more is a huge relief. i can just do whatever. and know actively that people will more often than not be wrong in what they make of me.

maybe it was natural feeling for you to decidely 'know' your maleness without a care for masculine standards because that is the right identity for you! and maybe i only feel secure in the "not knowing" realm and in letting go of what people think of me or finding any kind of tidy categorization for it because that's the right spot for me. for now. until i find a new interesting way to be unhappy and striving for more and different again. :) that's just part of being alive, for me.

[antiterf]

https://www.tumblr.com/cordycepsfem/754132546867036160/trans-women-dont-provide-the-benefits-in-their

*sighs* I'm on Tumblr and doing this because I'm sick you know

"Only enough for supplementary feedings" yeah, a lot of cis women don't produce enough breast milk to adequately meet the needs of an infant as well. The study linked was about the amount and not contents. "Sure was enough to make her feel like she did something" when this was at the end of the post

Shows how little they're able to think about the snide comments and how they impact everyone who breast feeds.

When I mentioned a woman in my life, I was referring to my own mother. To give a hint on why I'm so adamant about this shit. This kind of stuff is questioning how well my own mother was able to take care of me and the adequacy of her womanhood.

The source relates back to studies that only measured 1 to 2 years max of being on estrogen. Full body fat and muscle redistribution takes an estimated 5-6 years.

Even in the cited study:

Next

Galactorrhea is brought up to show the existence of men producing milk. It's not an equivalent example to HRT that is monitored to be on the same levels that dyadic cis women typically have. "Cross sex hormones" we all have the same fucking hormones at different levels stop calling them that.

The link is about what's in breast milk generally. Not the inherent need for the relation of carrying the pregnancy yourself and having better breast milk... they know adoptive moms induce breast feeding themselves, right?

"Or if the drugs they take harm infants"

They are the same fucking drugs that cis women use for milk production. The link I gave for galactagogues gives an entire fucking list of drugs used for milk production.

I always hate the argument "if you need to be affirmed then maybe you're not what you think you are" I had to be affirmed in being disabled despite having end stage OA and can't stand for over an hour unhelped by anything without incredible pain. Bisexuals and aspec people are constantly told that we don't exist. It's so fucking ignorant and disrespectful.

"Experimental drugs" I'm going to scream.

You just insulted my own mother in so many ways that I'd ask her opinion about this but would probably give her a depressive episode by making her read it. I'm going to bite someone's head off.

[stalkersdiary]

Hi Mxster R!! If you dont mind me asking, have you ever struggled dating because of not being cis? Sometimes if feels like im so close to getting an obsession then the person just completely ruins it by saying something transphobic :/

(Im transmasc btw)

Hello. This is a little tricky to answer because I'm... Kind of cis. I'm intersex and while I don't have a very "male" appearance, I am biologically male and female. Being in my situation, I'm sort of... Cis and Trans at the same time. I'm socially transitioning to how I hormonally present but I also want to get on HRT because I lack part of the hormones I'd need to have the look that would make me more comfortable. To answer the other portion of the question, yes. Not because of transphobia but because I am just not physically what many people's preferences are. I know for some of the people I've dated, I'm like a weird bragging right (for fame as well as for my intersexism) so they almost fetishize me. Which is bad in its own way. However I rarely date as I'm demiromantic so it takes me about 6 months to a year to even know if I like someone romantically. I'm only 22 and I don't leave the house due to anxiety and other social issues so... I don't really have any problems with dating. Aside from not dating and being somewhat lonely. On another note... If you're struggling with obsession issues, I highly recommend finding a good sense of self and reremind yourself proper boundaries you and the other person have. I haven't really had any issues with obsession recently (Thank goodness) but I know it can spike, especially when you're at your most vulnerable. I'm glad you can break obsession easily due to disagreements and misjudgments of character (I'm a little jealous since I have a hard time) however if you ever feel like you're having a hard time trying to focus on yourself and how to give proper distance, please feel free to write me. I'm always a safe space and I can offer as much support as I can. Thank you for opening the Stalker's Diary.

[kakashihasibs]

Is it ok to ask you gender-related questions? Because I’m kinda stuck in a phase where I’m questioning my gender a lot and idk what to do about it tbh. And you seem to have yourself figured out and you’re confident in your gender and you know who you are, and idk maybe you have some advice for someone who’s questioning. If you don’t feel comfortable answering this or giving advice, totally ok too, just ignore the ask, I don’t want to overstep any boundaries

Ur all good! I'm more than happy to talk about gender/trans stuff! ^_^ my only worry is, no matter what i say i might not be able to help you >.> bc at the end of the day only you can know these things about yourself, and the rest of us can only take you at your word.

So! I'm going to start with gender doesn't have to be a big commitment! If you say one thing today, you can say another thing tomorrow and it doesn't make either any less true in the moment you said them! Or! You just can be wrong and that's okay. There no harm committed against anyone if you end up being wrong about your gender at some point. It doesn't hurt me, a trans guy, if you say ur a trans guy and then realize ur not actually a trans guy.

Like what harm could possibly happen there that's caused by you? You took up resources? What resources? A few months of testosterone? An appointment or two with a therapist? Okay then should i be mad at the person who thought they were having a heart attack but turns out it was a panic attack instead? Should i be angry at them for causing me to wait an extra hour in the waiting room bc they guessed wrong? No that's fucking stupid.

My waiting an extra hour so someone could be taken care of isnt some terrible harm against me. Me waiting an extra month for my gender therapist appointment bc one person guesses their gender wrong isn't going to keep me from transitioning. A month or two extra wont kill me. I'm more than happy to wait if it means some else gets the care they needed in that moment. So anyway there's no harm in being wrong! Life isn't a zero-sum game.

Even if you think you might want to do something like HRT you can /try/ and stop if it ends up not for you. You can try and stop just about anything. Surgeries are harder to undo but no impossible.

I know people act like you're potentially ~mutilating~ or ~ruining~ yourself if you do anything that makes you farther from the cis ideal but that's based in cissexism and fucked up beauty standards. There are many many cis people who will have the features you might gain from HRT without ever having touched a hormone in their life. They're not "ruined" they're not "ugly" or less important or disposable or whatever fucked up wrong shit people might say.

So take the pressure off of yourself! Think about unpacking any beauty standards that might make you uncomfortable with experimenting with gender.

Early on I actually planned to never go on testosterone bc i was afraid and frankly disgusted by the idea of having body hair, but i already had dark coarse body hair. Yeah i was afraid of something i already had 🤦 bc i hadnt let go of white/western centric standards of beauty.

Also the very thing i was so worried about is what I'm happiest about now! I love having body hair 😌

You dont have to do anything you dont want to. Okay so ur a trans guy now cool! But you like ur boobs and dont want top surgery? Awesome wonderful amazing. A trans woman who likes having a dick? Excellent. Trans and too fucking lazy to do... anything? Whatever my bud it's all good bc your presentation if whatever you want to make of it.

You can start with trying on different clothes or you can jump straight to HRT (if you have a chill enough prescriber that is x_x). You can take things and leave things. Start something then stop it a day or week or 20 years later.

Bodily autonomy is bodily autonomy. That should be the basis of all of your experimenting. You want to make your body, yourself, you. Your home. Even if you question and try stuff out but decide you're cis then at least your know for sure and you're cis on purpose now 😌

Whatever you decide it must be your choice. You can go as fast or as slow as you want. Make your body yours ^_^

So tl;dr 1) take the pressure off of gender. It's not a one time commitment 2) you harm no one by being wrong 3) recognize your internalized cissexism and challenge it. 4) it's your body, life, and gender. Do with it as you will.