#you dont even want to know the battles ive been grinding just to see him again its INSANE

[liquid-geodes]

[fictionfixations]

honestly so happy that its easier to grind in hsr then genshin cause im actually able to properly build my characters instead of whatever mess i had in that game (i got the right artifacts but trying to get materials for anything was a bit of a pain to me)

also that the resin (i dont know what its called in this game im using genshin terms) can like. overflow into this other thing??? is. so helpful. (i stopped playing at one point so i just came back to both being full. and then when i realized what it actually did it was a godsend because it made it so much easier to fully commit to grinding. i know in genshin you can make the resin this little thing? condensed?? but thats a thing you have to do yourself i think)

all im missing is leveling up the lightcones and traces

and im only missing the traces because i already used up weekly bosses. THATS IT.

robin and ratio have the same boss material so all i have to do then is get the other resources which isnt actually that hard (ill only have an issue if i cant material synthesis or exchange or whatever since i need to do it for the robin stuff that you get from enemies that can ambush you, i dont know what you refer to them as, but cause i havent unlocked penacony yet lol)

and the only lightcones that might give me issue is because highlighted is penacony material stuff

(yes i put final victor on ratio LMFAO)

so YEAHH i feel like im doing pretty good in that department. also ive caught up to penaconys story i just havent started in-game because i wanted to see where it all leads up to and then go back to see all the foreshadowing and get a better understanding of what happened since it also confused me, so im waiting for a time i can just sit there for countless hours and focus. i even switched to eng vas so i dont end up misreading something

(anyway i only got to trying to max out my characters as much as i can until i can level them higher because before i got stuck on so many quests that required a fight 😭, yanqing, argenti, i hate battling you oh my god)

actually on that topic everyones relics arent fully maxed out.

ive only been leveling this cause 5 star dan heng is my main damage dealer

and the healer because im fucked without them (its natasha, but im open to changing it if i find a better healer or shield 🙏)

on that topic:

i returned to honkai star rail because aventurine. i focused on the story because aventurine. (got spoiled his story, realized 'what the fuck hes cool i like him' and watched someone go through the story) i came back in time for his banner but you know what? i had like zero wishing stuff because id stopped playing so i missed out unfortunately

i have friends who have aventurine as like one of the support characteres thingy tho? like the the where you can get support from other peoples characters

so thats been fun. but also auto is kind of bad with aventurine. or maybe because it thinks 'oh theres already a shield, so i wont e' which is pain. on the other hand actually playing instead of having it on auto is fun with aventurine. i like planning around it and thinking of who to have use their skills while keeping in mind when i should have him refresh his shield. i cant explain to you how it hurts seeing hp missing with a shield around it because i cant do anything about it (im the type of person who likes to keep my characters hp full ngl)

probably not the best decision to want shield over a healer but. i can make it work. maybe. i just want aventurine ok. (except for phantylia who as far as im aware is the only one who can just TAKE hp like that? without even affecting shields???)

[komoreangel]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 (𝐫𝐞𝐪)

pairings: childe and kaeya x f!reader (separate) 

scenario: your boyfriend knows you tend to be calm and reserved, and one can only imagine his surprise when he sees what you’re like on the battlefield. 

request: Can I request Childe and Kaeya with an s/o who is usually stoic and doesn't fight enemies much, but when they're fighting some treasure hoarders or hilichurls she loses control and becomes bloodthirsty for a fight?

reply: aa this is a really good idea anon props to you + ive been wanting more kaeya and childe works so i hope you enjoy this ^-^ 

childe 

childe knew you were calmer than most people

he didn’t mind it, in fact maybe even enjoyed it

you were one of the few people who could calm him down, too 

he had been reluctant to take you with him on missions before

but after hearing you had received a request to clear out some nearby hilichurl camps around liyue, he insisted on coming with you

to keep you safe, of course! who better than he, childe, the eleventh fatui harbin-

you shushed him in the middle of his monologue 

you went not today queen :D 

“hey, i was in the zone!” he exclaims

you would laugh if it wasnt for the situation you were in

“there’s a huge hilichurl camp over there.” you whisper 

he looks in the direction youre pointing to 

surprise surprise, a hilichurl camp

two mitachurls and maybe six to seven hilichurls

“okay, i’ll jump in from that roof, and you-” 

he looks back to notice you’re gone 

you’ve begun to sneak towards the camp

“y/n, waIT!” he whisper-screams 

before he knows it you’ve charged both mitachurls, and are 

singlehandedly holding them all off

okay he thinks thats kinda hot

but uhhhh 

you’re lowkey bodying them 

“go babe you’re doing great” type of beat 

before he can even do anything, all the hilichurls are on the ground 

but you keep attacking them 

like you’re still swinging your weapon around?

“get up.” you poke at the poor hilichurl who you’ve decided to challenge

“you’re not dead yet, get up!” 

i kinda feel bad for the hilichurl ngl 

you start to swing your sword at it, before you feel a hand hindering any further movement

“hey, you beat them, it’s over.” 

you turn to look and childe is holding you back 

he walks you over to a nearby tent (left by the hilichurls) and sits you down

“i’ll get you some water, just try to relax, okay?” 

you dont want to relax you want to go back out and show that hilichurl who’s boss-

before you can do that, however, childe is back with some water. 

“here. drink.” 

you reluctantly do so and feel yourself calming down 

“you feel better now?” 

you nod, regretting that you lost control a bit 

he puts a hand to your shoulder, rubbing it at an attempt of comforting you

he helps you up and kisses your forehead 

“try not to get too excited, okay? you might tire yourself out.” 

you two head back to liyue harbor, with him seeming lost in thought on the way back

you reminded him so much of himself right after...the abyss.  

he wanted you to know there’s nothing wrong with it...but that it can be dangerous to lose control in a fight

however he doesnt want to assume your situation

so he’ll just try his best to calm you down most of the time 

but if you think he isn’t going to tease you about it later

oh boy 

“my sweet y/n is capable of such violence!!” 

until you’re groaning in annoyance :P

kaeya 

you aren’t all that energetic 

kaeya knows that you’re quiet and don’t tend to talk much

and thats okay!

it makes it a lot more fun for him to flirt with you :) 

he likes seeing you flustered 

so he decides he’ll take you along on one of his assignments to clear out some treasure hoarders from mondstatd

send ‘em running back to liyue, (sorry ningguang) 

his plan was for you to be all impressed at seeing him absolutely wreck those thieves

as you two are approaching he pats you on the head 

“dont worry, y/n, no need to be scared~”

you roll your eyes and shove him 

he takes your hand and leads you behind him as you sneak closer

“stay here, alright? i don’t want you to get hurt.” he kisses your cheek and then dashes 

you can hear the sounds of fighting from where you stand and you’re itching to join in 

after you hear your boyfriend say “cool it!” for the 7439853th time you cant stand it anymore and surprise attack the treasure hoarders facing him 

“y/n! i thought i told you to-” 

“sorry darling, just couldn’t hold back anymore, you understand, right?” 

he’s kind of shocked

since when did you-

how did you-

???? is that like battle flirting ????? 

he doesnt know where your confidence came from but he’s into it

you take on three of the treasure hoarders that stepped towards you and in an instant they are on their backs, groaning 

kaeya chuckles to himself

who knew his lover was actually quite skilled in combat? 

he goes over to interrogate them on why they’ve come to mondstatd 

when he notices you haven’t put your sword away

in fact you’re almost about to kill one of them-

he places a hand on your shoulder, dragging you away from the poor guys 

“hey, we’re not here to kill anyone, okay?” 

you have a faraway look in your eyes, like you’re not completely there with him

“y/n?” he’s confused now

he cups your face and looks at you

“look, it’s okay, i’m here, everything’s fine alright?” you blink and stumble a bit

“are you okay?” 

you drop your sword, a bit disoriented 

“yeah, i’m fine! just, uh...need a minute.” 

you sit down and stare at the sky above you

relax, y/n.

you close your eyes and when you open them, kaeya is standing over you 

he helps you to stand up and takes you by the hand, leading you both back to mondstatd 

he’ll ask you about it someday 

but for now he’ll just be there for you 

maybe flirt with you about it later lol

like asking if you could pin him to the ground :) 

he will publicly simp for you there is no stopping him 

a/n: im sorry this took so long lolol i’ve been grinding for venti’s rerun! goodluck to all of you who are rolling for venti or childe (or both i admire your ambition jhkgnfdsgl) and enjoy this! to hu tao havers: congrats! 

[writing-in-riverdale]

please don't say you love me part 2 | bellamy blake (the 100)

part one: https://writing-in-riverdale.tumblr.com/post/159184398653/please-dont-say-you-love-me-bellamy-blake-the

prompt: 23- “kiss me” , 30- “ive been inlove with you my entire life”, 55- “don’t you dare lay a finger on her” & 72- “what the hell was that?!”

request: thank you for writing my bellamy request! i want to request a part II if that’s possible? like the reader avoiding him for a while and he realises what he’s done when he sees her sigh another guy going into a tent?! x

✖

i didn’t even make it 10 metres away from the camp before i turned myself around and headed back inside, my feet trudging through the wet dirt as i walk through the gates to arkadia.

i spot my friends standing in a group bellamy giving them what looked like hushed orders. i roll my eyes and take off bellamys jacket walking over to him

octavia sees me approaching and she nudges her brother gaining his attention, turning toward me as i close the gap between us at an alarming rate. i can see him sigh before i even reach him

i push the jacket into his chest, hard. he steps back looking up to me guilty “it’s cold (y/n) just take it” he begs, i shake my head “id rather freeze” i turn away from the group walking toward my shared tent with bellamy

i grab armfuls of my belongings heading toward octavias tent dumping my possessions in the younger blakes tent. “what are you doing?” she quizzes me as she walks through the entrance

“im moving in” i chirp turning to face the brunette “what happened with you and my brother?” i sigh “nothing O let’s just forget it ever happened”

she rolls her eyes at me grabbing my arm as i try and leave the tent, “(y/n) what are you doing?” “to visit my good friend monty” i smile sweetly pulling my arm free

i wonder around the camp looking for the brunette boy until i spot him over by the dropship “monty!!” i yell rushing toward him “i need moonshine and i need it STAT” he chuckles filling up my flask.

“thank you” i smile taking a large gulp “ill be back for more” i wink walking toward the fire pit sitting down on the loges as i continue to drown my sorrows

about 3 and ½ flasks later i find myself giggling at the sound of the fire crackling “hey” i look up to the shaggy haired blonde “sterllliiinnng” i giggle earning a smirk from the boy.

“how much have you had to drink” he chuckles sitting down next to me, warmth radiating from his body “enough” i giggle snuggling into him my hands on both of his thighs.

he’s arms snake around my waist rubbing softly as i finish off the rest of my moonshine “i need to pee” i announce standing upright as my knees wobble “ill be back don’t you move” i grab he front of his shirt and he chuckles before nodding “i’ll be here”

i refill my flask and pee before frolicking back over to sterling noticing that majority of his friends have now joined him at the fire. i bite my lip taking him in as he looks up seeing me, a smile spreading on his face

i walk over to the boy stopping infront of him “where am i supposed to sit” i pout his boys smiling at him wickedly “right here” he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me down into his lip.

a giggle leaves my lips, “god she’s wasted” murphy mutters to sterling, smelling the moonshine on me from miles away. “bellamy isn’t going to be happy” i laugh wrapping my arm around the blondes shoulders.

“fuck bellamy” i reply to murphy glancing into sterlings blue eyes, a smile twitches on his lips as he leans forward pressing our lips together

the kiss starts to get hot as i move my legs so they’re on either side of the boys legs, straddling him as my tongue battles for dominance

the boys erupt into hollers as i grind my hips into his, finally breaking for air he whispers into my ear “want to get out of here” i press my lips to his neck sucking at the sensitive skin nodding.

he places his hands on my ass as he hauls me up continuing our kiss as he carries me into his tent, flopping me down on his bed before he crawls on top of me removing my shirt in one swift movement

he connects his lips with mine before he is ripped off the top of me, i bolt up as i see an angry bellamy holding sterling up by his shirts “don’t you dare lay a finger on her!” he yells

still feeling a bit groggy i try and shift on my feet also the falling off balance “she’s drunk for god sakes” he screams placing his jacket around my shoulders and pulling me up into his arms.

he gives a warning glance to sterling before storming off with me in the general direction of his tent “put me down” i yell tryinto squirm out of his grasp “stay still” he grumbles dirt crunches under his boots.

we reach his tent and he throws me roughly onto his cot “ouch!” i yell feeling sober, “what the hell was that?!” he seethes anger flashing in his eyes

“i didn’t know that i had to tell you who i was hooking up with” i argue moving from his cot “im not doing this” i spit anger coursing through me as i attempt to walk out of the tent

he grabs my wrist stopping me from leaving “we’re doing this whether you like it or not” he growls, i rip my wrist from his grasp “what are you? my father?!”

“you can’t keep doing this, playing both sides. you either like me or you don’t- you can’t keep pretending to care for me when it suits you bellamy, it’s sick.” i stammer my eyes welling with salty tears

“what’s that supposed to mean?! you think im jealous?!” he exclaims running a hand over his mouth “i mean if the shoe fits” i continue to argue earning an eye roll

“you can’t go around throwing yourself at people in attempt to get over me!” he yells walking closer to me “god you should hear yourself right now!” i laugh maniacally turning away from the boys beady eyes

“id love to stay and continue this riveting argument but someone’s waiting for me- someone who actually wants me” i knock him as i walk toward the exit.

“he doesn’t love you” he yells as i fiddle with the cloth covering the inside to the tent to the outside world, “he doesn’t have too” i mumble.

“im in love with you” i freeze my body turning toward him “what?” i croak “ive been inlove with you my entire life” he finishes his brown orbs glowing in the dim room.

“this isn’t fair” i mumble tears rushing from my face “you-you made me think you didn’t even care about me bellamy you you-” i ramble my cheeks growing hot as warm tears roll down my dirty cheeks

“im an asshole i know” he tells me walking toward me grabbing at my hands “i was afraid” he whispers not daring to make eye contact “why?” i croak holding back a sob.

“you’re beautiful and i don’t deserve you, i don’t want you to settle for me because it’s the end of the world- i want you to choose me” he concludes tears leaking from his big brown eyes.

“i chose you, bellamy blake. a long time ago, i wasn’t lying when i told you i love you, i do, love you, bellamy blake”

he cries looking up into my eyes scared to touch me “kiss me” i beg and i don’t need to tell him twice before he leans forward connecting our lips and lifting me off the ground and until his lap

after a heated make out session bellamy had asked you to be his girlfriend and you happily obliged walking out into the camp hand in hand, finally feeling whole with your king at your side.

[dulltwig]

So I’ve been playing God of War (the new one) for a while now and I wanted to share my thoughts on its gameplay, its themes, and how holy cow guys how did it go so wrong? Also be warned this 100% contains spoilers from all parts of the game so here we go!

So before i dive into the message of the game or anything i wanna jsut put it out there ive played the first GoW, some of the third, I’m halfway through this one and ive watched a playthrough of the full main story line of the the newest installment, anyway! So the game is fucking pretty, let me tell you that much. You can tell a boatload of time was put into so many meticulous details there’s literally no way youll see half of them. not kidding. like, i find it to be RIDICULOUSLY contradictory that this game is going for some cinematic experience, and then wants the gameplay to be fast paced and destructive! Like, wow these norse ruins filled with symbols and statues are neat -HEY KILL MORE DRAUGR THAT YOUVE ALREADY KILLED 3000 OF- ok but i want to look at that -YOU NEED TO BLOW UP THIS THING SO YOU CAN MOVE ON- ok but like this room is really neat -HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE HERES EVERY MINIBOSS IN THE GAME RESKINNED FOR THE FIFTH TIME THAT YOU NEED TO BEAT ALL OF IN A REALLY SLOW SET OF BATTLES ONE AFTER EACH OTHER- alright god fine i wont look at your fucking game ill just mash r1 and then r3 to tear open the same guy in the same way for god knows what number time!! it’s just, its fucking stupid. there’s so much attention to detail that you’d expect it to be a more narrative driven game, which it tries to do, but the fucking core gameplay is so opposite everything that it builds that you dont notice jack shit going on in the environment unless theyre like forcing it to be a part of how you need to progress. Also, with the game’s little hide and seek for what are in my opinion relatively necessary health and rage upgrades, it makes the player 1000x less concerned with the actual environment and instead like theyre parsing a 3d where’s waldo book to destroy the 6TH FUCK C URN WHERE IS THAT MOTHERFUCKER I SWEAR TO GOD! like hm cool these statues definitely have a story but god fuckin damn do i not give a shit unless theres an urn i need to break to get the next ibunn apple!! its just, i feel bad for all those people who put all this work into making it look gorgeous and needed to resort to a game of i spy to make the players actually look at it. its a fucking shame. Also, i mentioned reskinned enemies? let me tell you! theres a lot of those! i mean, like, with the exceptions of the valkyries (and even then ive only fought one so i might be mistaken) youre essentially fighting the same enemy with one or two moves added since you last faced it for the entire game. even the final boss of the game is the first boss fight but with added moves!! its repetitive as shit! and most of the difficulty that the game does have, coming from someone who plays video games probably too much, is super fucking artificially added through bullshit enemy levels and OHKO’s if you dont spend hours grinding side content. WHICH LEADS TO MY NEXT POINT!

It also makes this weird rift in gameplay where its super punishing to go after side content and explore the world because the difficulty of side content is DRASTICALLY different from the main quest. At the time of writing this, im taking on level 2-4 enemies in the main game, just about everything has a green health bar (indicating it should be an easy enemy) or a yellow health bar (indicating it should only be a little difficult), but the side content im running into enemies that are consistently level 5-7, and even at max health and equipment that puts me at level 4, i can still get killed in two or three hits on normal mode. Maybe im pushing too much into side content early but for a game that wants the player to get immersed in the world and yadda yadda i feel its really offputting that the player essentially gets punished (gasp!) for exploring (bigger gasp!) its so dumb and just a totally unnecessary thing to do, especially when you go for a realm tear and it can either drop like 2 level 3 guys or 3 level 8 guys and there’s literally no indication as to what itll be until youve already activated it! its dumb! NOW ITS TIME FOR THE NARRATIVE THAT I DONT HAVE A SMOOTH TRANSITION FOR! OH BOY DO THEY TRY TO REDEEM KRATOS!! like, wow, this dude fucking singlehandedly killed the entire greek pantheon and then some! oh, and his own family! and, like, im not sure about this but im pretty sure he kills like a whole fuckin civilization of innocent people? but like yeah, sure, let him learn how to be a father, thatll redeem him sure! NOPE! they didnt even do that right! kratos was singlehandedly responsible for fucking ruining atreus. i mean, the guy just doesnt fucking know what a child is, in like a really just fucking dumb, toxic masculinity kinda way. like, kratos fucks up. even when atreus learns hes a god because kratos is a god and yadda yadda, kratos isnt even like “HEY BOY STOP ACTING HIGH AND MIGHTY, JUST BECAUSE YOURE A GOD DOESNT MAKE YOU ANY BETTER THAN THESE MORTALS”, he jsut fucking lets the kid parade around on an altar of superiority and tomfuckery. it even goes so much to his head he just fucking kills Modi because he can and modi shit talked once, like if i killed everyone that shit talked me id be in jail for the death of hundreds, you cant just do that shit and have it be ok. kratos is just fucking dumb and the violence of the game really, uh, goes against the whole, like everything theyre trying to do to be like “aw kratos isnt so bad and atreus isnt gonna kill him for being a dick”! i can seriously only see two routes for the next game that they set up REALLY. HARD. AND IN YOUR FACE. 1) atreus (now known as loki because itll be the next game and thats the end of game reveal) kills kratos at some point because he learns of everything that Kratos has done in greece, because, idk hes loki he’ll figure some shit out, or 2) Kratos dies trying to protect Loki from Thor because Thor is the Next Big Baddie and we need a reason to continue using God of War in the title and what better way than to make Loki a rage filled hateful character that needs to exact revenge on an entire branch of mythology because they killed his dad, who wasnt even that good a guy, but he was still his dad so fuck them all, you know? It’s gonna be fuckin dumb whatever it is, but there’s no way Kratos survives the next God of War, assuming that’s what it’s gonna be called, like jsut from a sheer narrative standpoint, and the fact its teased in one of the final cutscenes of the game that he’s gonna die in loki’s arms, but i dont know what the fuck that snake looking shit it so im not gonna try to guess u feel me i dont know norse mythology. but uh, yeah. also the whole ragnarok thing, that’s, uh, next game i guess? but i dont mean to be here talkign about whatll come sooooo... i swear i had more to say but quite frankly ive been typing this for more that 30 minutes and im not spending more time figuring out what it was gnight yall but yeah this game fucking doesnt know what it wants to be thats the tldr for ya

[somedaypast-thesunset]

i was ready for bed and heard the call of weed again - or what i hoped would be weed but instead was 10$ which is probably honestly for the best in the long run. i probably honestly need 10$ more than i needed weed - and they stll smoked me a few joints anyways. 

but it was good to speak to other people. to regain a sense of my surroundings that is not the little bubble of the 5 streets that seperate my house from his. because ive lived in that very protective bubble for atleast several weeks and although its protective, its not a bubble thats for me. i am just like hitching a ride on someone elses bubble and neglecting my real life because it sucks. and its hard. 

it 3am. and i want to like pretend im going to make some fucking plans for tomorrow an do things but i dont know if i will. i know that this is a very weird way to be living right now and i have to excessively apologize for fucking living in a squat house at this point. it doesnt have to be thiissssss bad. this is stupid. but i dont have the energy to make it any better right this second so im just kind of thinking about it - which is super typical for my life. that describes my entire being. 

the way i would describe this week has been like an rpg video game but like.. in a metaphysical world. like i existed in this world while also in another world of my mental being and continually battling shit that was just .. really stupid and unnecessary. this was like a frustrating shittly made rpg. and the first couple of levels are painfully hard where like its just grinding and grinding to be able to do anything. and then once you get to thing you grinded so hard for its lik the most impossible glitched bugged out boss but you already put 80 hours of your life into it so youre going to find that 1 in a million fucking way to beat the boss that for som reason in itself has like  17 side quests you have to complete before you even touch the guy. 

and its like the people aroud me are shitty people watchng a stream of this video game but all they see is my webcam. they dont see the actual game. they just assume what the fuck im doing or how im doing it or if its hard or not and give me vague advice that kind of rings true to the situation but they have no idea whats actually going on anyways. and like everyone in awhile you get this shitty comment about how you suck or you’re a failure and its like you dont even know what the fuck is happening on the other side here right now because im doing pretty well for the circumstances at hand. 

i dont know if im even at the final boss i think im on the 17 side quests. and like i dont have fucking time for this but i also dont not have time for this because its life or death inside of my head right now. you cant walk away from that its very serious and im stuck inside my head. 

being around other people helped. but like i wouldnt have been able to go out and meet these people for a random thing. i wouldnt. but the way it was set up - and that in itself felt like a fucking side quest to make it happen; i felt comfortable and could sit and just observe a conversation and just participate when i felt like it. i didnt sit and moan about my life at all. i was more than capable of having a normal conversation about totally neutral topics and common interests. most of the time i just listened but listening made me feel acknowledged. lke i also existed because this person was telling me someting and to them in that moment i was important because they wanted to tell me this thing. 

because they wer emore acquaintances than true friends i “knew”, i was also able to regain reality by seeing their own display of personal greivances. if i shared mine, they would have been worse. and times in my head i couldnt help but think you know you guys are actually kind of lucky. these things could all be a lot worse. you have a lot going for your life. but this is life. and they have their own set of problems which weigh heavy on them enough to need to air their issues to people they dont actually know very well. and that says something, regardless. they also feel a sense of desperation in expressing something that maybe theyre not even expressing to other people. 

i didnt take that chance with them for myself though. i was very subtle - or i perceived myself being subtle when talking about the issues ive had lately. im also really confused by these issues - the side quests. because i know these are side effects of the drugs and im panicking about very odd things that dont need such a sense of panic but its bringing to the surface the idea of these problems existing at all. like focusing on not having family. i havent had family for awhile. this is not the most pressing issue but it was killing me for hours on end. and like - this takes up way too fucking much of my day. to be sooo panicked about something you cant even do shit about is exhausting. and then like i project these feelings on to him because i want to share something with him - like i dont even know if i want to share a life with him because im crazy and this is crazy and everything is fucked. but i want something with him and being crazy and too fucked to work / find a job is standing in my way. i have nothing to prove im a functioning human. and im barely a functioning human, honestly. like it is very surprising i am 27 now. thats fucked. 

regardless if i do something or not, things are going to change dramatically in my life in the next several weeks. because i am very sure i am going to be evicted. and i probably very much deserve to be evicted. i owe atleast 3000$ point blank in my life with all my debts, which it could be more - and i have no job and ive spent weeks trying to “get better”. thats terrible. i absolutely deserve to be evicted. i am already homeless and i live like a homeless person squatting in a random apartment i got lucky to find. like this is fucking nuts the way im living right now. and people are witnessing it. they literally have witnessed this and thats pretty embarassing. 

again in my head im like oh yeah im going to get up tomorrow and just go out and look for work. but i havent showered in three days. or eaten anything substantial - out of catatonic fatigue and general lack of care - and ive pretty much allowed the cats to piss on everything i own so i have no clean clothes or underwear. i just let everything around me go to complete shit 

and its funny because i naturally wanted to solve my issues with weed. like a fucking power up to get through the worst of it and i went through fucking everything and everyone to do it. with no fucking money. i made money and still got weed. thats how fucking well i did that. 

and yet.. here i am. this is ... like im the weirdest craziest person to be around. i really think i have to be like pretty up there in craziness. like the perception people must have of me ... if its even a ‘perception’ since its probably the reality but im like .. crazy bitch over here. i cant even imagine knowing me. i cannot even put myself outside of myself and imagine knowing me as a person. i would be a super frustating person to witness in life. i am really .. i dont know. ive existed on fucking nothing. like how did i even do that. why would he even be around me for this long outside of his own craziness. like why the fuck would you even love me. its not even a self pity thing im generally like ... appreciative that i am being loved but wow why would you. i really offer... being a nice person. thats what i got in life. i am a nice person who is creative and like fairly well read & intelligent with an assortment of domestic skills none of which are really top notch but they get you through. other than that i got nothing. i got debt. i got shitty cats that even im like these are probably our last days together. i have good looks which is probably why im honestly getting by in life and have gotten by so far. and that honestly is not even something to gloat on because its not like im super fucking hot. im just a good looking person. like slightly above average. i have a pretty nice body as well but i dont keep in shape in anyway and am frequently malnutritoned. ive also completely scarred probably 70% of my body which is very obviously done by me. so thats always fun when youre about to fuck someone for the first time. and i mean.. im not even that into sex. ive been called a tease more than once because i allowed my good looks to give me what people were offering me when i knew it was because of my looks. i wanted something, but i wasnt interested in them. 

i have no formal education and dropped out in early highschool - like very early. i dont drive. i dont have a car ad defiinitely could not afford one. i dont even have a bike. i cant afford public transit most of the time. im a nice person, you know. i’m caring, sometimes to a fault. i have potential to give a very serious kind of love to the right people. but thats it. thats what i have to offer a person in a relationship with me. thats what i have to offer in a life with me. i mean, i dont even have real interests. i watch documentaries. thats honest to god my biggest interest and has been for months. its like a fucking hobby in some ways. i watch guys playing video games on youtube - a lot. i dont even play video games. i honestly dont know why im fucking watching it. this is totally unnecessary and ive done it openly and just fallen asleep peacefully. why? thats so weird. thats such a weird thing to do. i smoke, alot. i smoke a ton of weed. thats one of my worst qualities. i cost a lot of money and make .. none. the amount of money ive cost other people is probably in the thousands and that was out of kindness. just so i could exist. but i know it does help me. it helps me cope and to leave it behind with no coping skills is really unhelpful to my life. 

so where do i start? probably by going to sleep. waking up at some decent hour - its almost 4 now so i hope for 10, but this is just spewing dreams in alot of ways. i could wake up and continue to lay in bed for hours. somethng simple like stretching - which i honestly really need after this anyways. taking a shower. trying to clean my house. find money, just.. keep finding money and money resources. thats the best i can fathom right now. i want to say ill find a job but thats so complex of a hurdle i just .. i can successfully find money in trade for simple labor. not a job. fucking.. eat food. i have food. i literally have food to eat. i just need to get back ... i dont know. somewhere. back in myself. 

tommorow will be the beginning of the final battle right now. there will be more battles, more shitty rpg games, but this battle will be finished soon and im getting back to real life. real fucking life. 

[fictionfixations]

so i made a post about getting yanqing and not knowing what to really do with him (planned to possibly replace another character on my team but idk)

was going to get back at you if i figured anything out. still dont have an opinion. ratio and yanqing are both now fully built (the only talents that haven't gotten fully leveled up require like the weekly boss drops)

yanqing only has higher stats cause ive maxed out his relics, but otherwise they're easily changeable for each other. ive also been trying to be more mindful of other relics instead of just giving everyone musketeer, but the only one i havent updated yet is ratio's

the planar ornaments whatever they're called (i STILL dont know what they are im gonna be honest, all i know is you can get them from simulated universe on the exact world i actually cant beat. you can still get rewards, but annoying. there'll be a more convenient ver in 2.3 tho?) i gave them to yanqing for the atk bonus so he's missing one (honestly. i couldve abandoned ratio and given final victor to yanqing. but hes a good unit. and i cant bring myself to give final victor to someone whose not ratio [either that or aventurine but i dont have him, and it doesnt fit his path either])

hh

i feel im going to reach further towards the 'having so many good units that you want to play them all but you cant because there arent enough team slots'

if it was possible to use consumables during battle then i can probably rock a no healer/shielder. but uh. this isnt genshin LMFAO and at that point would probably be like 'whats the point of even having healers' (even if thered be a cooldown, or like using an item would use up that character's turn or something)

anyway also another update

i got robin to 120 speed. its. probably not necessary considering her ult is apparently fixed at 90 or something? (i dont know if thats true or not)

and i also actually dont know what speed does in this game (..maybe it affects when the units' turns are?)

but ive been grinding it for THIS because i already had this on her so why not, right? (before she was rocking a 2pc. ...2pc set? it feels awkward repeating it. i cant remember if you put a space between. i dont know these terms man i just see what ppl do. but it was more worth it to do the speed thing instead imo so br.)