#you don't want people to focus on your faves' mistakes??

[thechosenanubis]

Hey, @mask-of-anubis hope you don't mind that i made a separate post with your tags as the main focus point. ( the tags are taken from this post if anyone is curious) But I felt the the topic is too important to just be kept in the tags.

Thoughts under the cut.

I want to preface this post by saying that you're completely right, that the hoa girls are held at a much higher standard compared to the boys. Sadly this is a common reccurence in most media.

Female characters are scrutinized for everything they do, no matter if you are a "traditonal gal", a "female warrior" or something in between.

As you pointed out, these girls are complex and they make mistakes ( and thank god that they do, because if they didn't and were instead some mary sues hoa would be boring as hell). We have to thank the writers for that because they wanted to create human characters.

Simply put: people scream about wanting "complex female characters!" and when they get them on screen they whine about how "toxic" "pathetic" "whiny" "bitchy" they are.

Let's take for example the worst form of this behavior: The S2 Joy-Nina rivalry. (yes, i'm really going there).

I'm one of the few people in the entire hoa fandom, that thinks that their rivalry ( while i can agree that it overstayed its welcome sometimes) was actually a good arc, and in some ways was inevitable.

People thinks that feminism means "the girls must always get along!" Ignoring that forcing two girls who have very different views, becoming friends just for the sake of Feminism™ is actually going to diminsh the quality of the story, and the characters themselves too.

In fact, since its quite implied in the pilot that joy has a major crush of Fabian, and i'm sorry to burst anyone's bubble, but no girl is going to be happy that her crush isn't single anymore, especially when (at least from joy's pov) she and fabian were quite close. Of course, the way joy went about it in s2 was wrong, but the girl is traumatized ( as all the characters in the show are to various degrees lol) and instead of blaming the teachers, she focused her anger on the easy target.

But keep in mind that Nina isn't a saint either: she's passive aggressive to an unhealthy degree, she lashes out at her friends, and is very possessive about a boy who isn't her boyfriend anymore.

But people, instead of trying to understand why they act that way, They prefer the easy way out aka calling them something along the lines of "Bitch" "Horrible" "Toxic" "Pathetic" "Whiny" "Bully" and everything else under the sun.

Really it's quite concerning that i've seen this behavior in multiple fandoms, and it has no intention of stopping. And no matter how you spin it, female characters can never win, because people will find a way to hate them regardless.

Because as you said, when did male characters ever been held responsible for their own actions? Right, never.

Because fans, somehow to make their fave male character "he's just a soft boy™ who can do no wrong ever" , they have to ignore every single flaw they have. Even if those flaws make them interesting.

Instead female characters are always blamed, villified for the same things the male characters do.

And really everything comes down to the double standard , doesn't it?

[swearyshera]

You have no idea how hands-shaking, looking-down-off-a-cliff scared I was to scroll down when Catra began to say sorry and got cut off. I had to take almost a full minute to brace myself cuz I was so afraid Glimmer would do the thing so many other protags have done where they just accept the apology for the sake of expediency or compassion or their own regrets or to focus on moving forward. Or to excuse away the apologizers actions as not their own because of manipulation or emotion. I've been waiting since Day One for this hoping it wouldn't be like those, especially considered canon didnt even attempt it and that left my love for this series feeling like it was missing a piece.

I could never expected it go this hard. Glimmer's grief and guilt and cold rage feels so tangible, and the sheer strength it feels like it took to both acknowledge and honestly deliver those feelings to Catra with no sugarcoating while not full-on attacking her with them and driving a wedge into the only refuge either of them have from Prime breaks my heart. Acknowledging Catra feels sorry but telling her flat out no apology or atonement could heal this, so if she feels sorry thats her own damn problem. A perfect interstice of emotional fortitude and frailty. I could never have dreamt of a moment this great.

Glimmer was always my fave in canon but this catapulted her into the fucking celestial firmament. The catharsis I'm feeling right now makes me feel like I could jump the goddamned moon. This moment alone is my favorite exploration of grief and forgiveness ive seen in a fandom like this since ATLA's The Southern Raiders. I cant wait to see your spin on the rest of this arc if its even a fraction this good. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this and for this project. Thank you.

This was such a hard scene to write. I'd had some ideas written down for this scene for quite a while, and we almost got a scene where they discussed what they would say to Adora instead, but I thought it would perhaps be more impactful to tackle the subject of Angella head on.

I'm not completely oblivious to the fact that many people wished Glimmer and Catra had approached the topic of what happened to Angella in canon. And again, I'd never say that this blog is a 'fix-it' for the stuff people didn't like, but sometimes there's stuff that I wish had been in the show - this was one of those things.

But knowing I wanted to put in a scene and actually writing it are two different things. I was so nervous when this one went out, because I worried that people would react negatively to it (but you didn't, thanks everyone!). You're right that having Glimmer go "Oh, sure, don't worry about it" would have felt hollow and really undercut the whole 'Angella is dead' thing. But equally, if Glimmer had said "Sorry isn't enough, I hate you and will never forgive you", it would have been hard to reconcile that level of sheer hatred with them working together later on.

I chose Glimmer's words quite carefully here. I wanted to show that her opting to take her mother's actions as one of heroic sacrifice rather than a desperate last-ditch attempt to save Etheria from Catra's mistake was for her own benefit, not Catra's. Glimmer makes that choice to discard Catra's part in it every day because that's the only way she can manage her grief (especially when face-to-face with Catra), not because she wants Catra to feel better. And that rejection of the apology was not so much a "Your apology means nothing" as it was "Don't try and complicate the way I'm dealing with this." Sorry means she has to reconcile that Catra feels guilt. Sorry upsets her grieving process. She doesn't want it.

I'm so excited for everyone to see the rest of this arc, particularly how things develop through Corridors. We'll soon be seeing Horde Prime step up his manipulation of Catra's depression, and more about how that is affecting her and driving her to desperation. But we also get those bittersweet flashbacks, the reminders that Adora has always been on her side - even when they've been on opposing sides of a war. And finally, the climax of the episode where Catra saves Glimmer, and (at least here) leaves Adora with some chilling words. I always feel like I become a better writer with every episode, and I am so proud of some of the stuff you're about to see.

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🦇 Triple Sec Book Review 🦇

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

❓ #QOTD What's your favorite drink (non-alcoholic or cocktail)? 🦇 Post-divorce, Mel is now a jaded bartender at Terror & Virtue; a swanky cocktail lounge in NYC that gives the bar staff little room for creativity. There, Mel meets Bebe; beautiful, funny, and all too enchanting. Oh, and Bebe's partner, Kade. Mel tries to put meeting the bubbly beauty out of her mind until Bebe makes a unique offer: she wants to take Mel on a date. So begins Mel's first steps into the polyamorous world, prompting Mel to open her long trampled-on heart. While Mel balances shifts and dates with Bebe, she contemplates entering a cocktail competition to turn the dream of opening her own bar into a reality. But what if it all becomes too much at once?

💜 So, TJ Alexander is now a new auto-buy, a new fave, a new literary love. There are some books you have to read for chapters and chapters before you fall into the voice, before you recognize the main character's tone and inflictions and moods. The essence of Mel, from that very page, is both familiar and foreign, as most bartenders are. That's what makes them easy to talk to. Alexander's word choice is easy and enthralling; a comfort. Each character lives off the page until they're telling the story alongside you, from Bebe's bubbly personality to Kade's soft stoicism. This book is so beautifully, unapologetically, and above all NATURALLY queer. It's as refreshing as the palomas Mel loves (hopefully, since I wouldn't know), smooth and citrusy, sparkling and fun. I'm sad that I had to reach the end, even though the story's ending quenched my thirst after a long drought of 'meh' reads.

💜 Alexander provides a healthy, comforting, realistic glimpse into the polyamorous world. Each amendment to the written agreement Mel and Bebe began with showed us Mel's development as she opened her heart a little bit more with each chapter. I adored Mel's reason that many people she already knew (including her own roommate and best friend) were in poly relationships. Even though it took Mel by surprise, the actual existence of these relationships was natural. Alexander provides so many small glimpses into this world, inviting readers to understand different dynamics and arrangements, but there are bigger themes at play that I wish we delved into more for Mel's sake. For example, the analogy that relationships are gardens we must tend to, less they wilt. While Mel decides to put more of an effort into her friendship with Daniel, we only see two small attempts (a brief conversation and her meeting Daniel's paramour).

💜 Mel's trip with Kade was everything, providing us with an opportunity to focus on Kade's microexpressions and inner workings. I honestly could have lived in that chapter far longer. Maybe we can get a prequel, with Kade and Bebe and Blue, from Kade's point of view? I understand too well, being the person who feels so, so much but doesn't always show it. The commentary on jealous, their reasoning behind Bebe calling them "wife," their reaction to Mel defending them when so many people misgendered them at the airport; everything. Kade's smallest gestures had the biggest impact, including their urging for Mel to TALK with them and Bebe instead of getting upset over a minor mistake. Communication is a big theme in this book, in the BEST way. Bebe and Kade urge Mel to process her thoughts and feelings, even when Mel tends to fight them. Again, a wonderful portrayal of a healthy relationship.

💙 As captivating as Alexander's voice and wordplay were, I feel like some moments were rushed through. We don't get much of a chance to linger on the development of the relationships, HOW the feelings came about, instead moving quickly from the first date to Mel's unexpected attachment to Bebe, then again from the snow trip to amending the agreement once to include Kade to eventually the final amendment. There was just a bit too much tell and not enough show for me. Also, can we get some of Mel's recipes, pretty please?

🦇 Recommended to fans of Casey McQuiston and Alexandria Bellefleur.

✨ The Vibes ✨ 🍸 Delightfully Queer 🍸 Polyamorous Relationships 🍸 No Third-Act Breakup 🍸 Cocktail Competition 🍸 Contemporary Romance 🍸 Lesbian Protagonist / Sapphic Ship 🍸 Non-Binary Love Interest 🍸 Smut

🦇 Major thanks to the author and publisher for providing an ARC of this book via Netgalley. 🥰 This does not affect my opinion regarding the book. #TripleSec

💬 Quotes ❝ "There’s a difference between feeling something and letting it consume you.” ❞ ❝ 'Just’ friends makes it sound like something lesser. Easier. I don’t think it is. It’s still a garden that needs tending, even if it’s growing something else. In some other season.” ❞ ❝ “Blue used all pronouns. They used to say it was the closest they could get to describing the infinite spirit inside them.” ❞ ❝ “You grow up, thinking, ‘If only I can find the one person I can be with for the rest of my life, if only I can get a house with a yard, as long as I am living the most normal, blameless life, then that will show ’em. You know? You think you have to tick all these boxes. That your relationship has to look a certain way. Even if you’re—no, especially if you’re queer. There’s so much pressure to do the right thing.” ❞ ❝ The boot shape of Italy stared back at her, reminding her of Pompeii. She had roots in a disaster zone; she’d been born into it. Maybe, instead of running from it, she could stand still, face the eruption, and embrace whatever came. ❞

[fate-magical-girls]

2, 13, and 19

2. A compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

Illyana Rasputin and Janet Van Dyne do the deed with their significant others standing up. Jean Grey and Ororo Munroe do the deed with their significant others mid-air. Dani Moonstar only ever tops and she looks good doing it. Also Koriand'r from DC is mostly a top, and given her preferred partners are Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Roy Harper, and Raven, they probably love her topping. Hal Jordan is extremely versatile, and I bet he spends a lot of time being sandwiched between Ollie and Dinah, neither topping or bottoming.

13. Worst blorboficiation

Hank Pym has it bad. Yes, he's pitiable and affected by his BPD, but he genuinely did unforgivable things, and to this day refuses to handle his BPD responsibly. I genuinely don't think it's out of character for him to backslide into nasty behavior or mood swings once in a while because he keeps himself in a state where he's constantly at risk for it. My hope for him is that if Marvel brings him back, he'll follow his daughter's example and do the responsible thing for himself and his loved ones.

In DC, there's also Bruce Wayne. Everyone wants him to be Batdad, but they never acknowledge that there is something deeply wrong with Bruce's brand of parenting, where he can't establish a proper bond with his kids unless they're in costume going through life and death situations.

In Transformers, probably Starscream. Comes with the territory of being a pretty boy plane.

19. You're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

Hank Pym, as well as the Hank Pym/Janet Van Dyne couple from the comics. Not the MCU, but the comics. The original canon, where they divorced because he abused her. I can't really forgive Hank's mistake, even accounting for his BPD, and I think there should be more focus on how the incident wasn't just Hank's mistake, but also trauma for Janet. Outwardly, she's recovered from it better than Hank did, but that doesn't mean she didn't suffer during the Court Martial of Yellowjacket, and the focus shouldn't just be on Hank's atonement, but also the impact it left on her. Even so, Hank is complicated and despite having some very despicable flaws, also has a very kind and compassionate side to him, so he's interesting to think about. Janet is more of a straight girlboss, but she also has a nasty streak, being a somewhat out-of-touch old money billionaire. They honestly shouldn't be together, but somehow keep gravitating into a relationship. I really, really like thinking of them as a couple that love each other, but also hurt each other, mostly due to Hank's behavior. It's fun in a terrible way to write them having a functional relationship but always teetering on the edge of some sort of toxic codependency because they enable each other at the worst possible times. I have so many terrible, bizarre dead dove headcanons concerning them.

They've probably banged in every corner of all the Avenger HQs, even in incredibly public spaces. Given their powers, sometimes they just shrink and do the deed in plain sight of their friends, but nobody notices them because of their tiny size, except for people with enhanced senses like Tigra or Wolverine.

Hank seriously has a body mod fetish because the two women he's been with both have animal characteristics, and for Jan, he himself implanted her with her wings and seldom-used antennae. He also marks every celebration by gifting Jan with modifications to her powers. However, he's too scared to actually admit this, much less get any tattoos or piercings for himself. He just settles with playing with Tigra's fur and tail or Jan's wings.

Jan likes novelty and insists on bringing something new to every intimate encounter, be it a new position, new food, or new place This is why she insists on having a tryst within every new Avengers HQ within 24 hours of joining. There's also at least once where she and Hank wore Hawkeye and Mockingbird's actual costumes (not cosplay) and ducked into a closet together.

Jan still has MASSIVE trust issues regarding Hank, and so she enjoys kissing Hank while he's unconscious or hospitalized and unable to move. She thinks it's the safest way she can express her desire for him, even though she's aware of the consent issues, and on some level she's ashamed that she feels the way she does. At some point they should just do a trust exercise where one of them closes their eyes and the other person touches them unannounced within the next five minutes. But during her turn, Jan would be the one pushing the envelope by doing things like hair-pulling, biting, and even bending fingers back, all to see if she can actually trust Hank not to react.

Hank has definitely called Jan Maria more than once, and she likes it because it means he sees her on the same level as his oh-so-perfect first wife. They've also visited Maria's grave together, where Hank would get so overwhelmed by emotions that he and Jan would always make out at least once before visit was over, sometimes going even further.

Sometimes Hank gets hypomanic and really, really needs Jan to help work off his energy. They usually have the decency to duck into a closet, but there's also times when Hank's sat Jan right in his lap when the Avengers are at the meeting table and asked the other Avengers if they like what they're seeing.

The short period between Secret Wars and Rage of Ultron was probably the most toxic their relationship has ever been. Hank came back from being almost forever lost in the space between realities with Avengers AI disbanded and Avengers Academy shut down. Jan had been abused and abducted by inverted Alex Summers and fought him off to escape back to the Avengers. This is probably gonna need a new ask to talk about all the horrible ideas I have for that time period.

[rodeoromeo]

I love Paul very much but I don't think we have any business judging George's complicated feelings about him considering we didn't have to spend a significant part of our lives seeing him for many hours every day, including at the height of his annoying behavior. We know nothing about how Paul is in private or what kind of conversations he had with George even after The Beatles. So I do not understand how anyone can accuse him of exaggeration. Many people from other Beatles, to girlfriends, to Linda, to Wings members have all made similar comments. I feel like if you don't take George seriously then you actually don't know much about Paul and would rather take it out on the guy your not emotionally attached to than acknowledge your fave isn't perfect.

I know you want to keep it positive but I just wanted to slide that point in there. lol

I am trying to focus on the very apparent and real love between Paul and George because it goes too unnoticed and we focus on the strife between them so much, but I will let you say your piece!

for what its worth I do agree with you that we don't know anything about what they were like in private- Paul is very evasive about that now and George actually had far too much tact when it came to these things to be full open about it either. I mean, think about even in get back, from paul- "I can't freaking do it on camera either". so who are we to say what went on between them? I think discrediting george's experiences simply because you don't want to believe that Paul ever treated him badly is a mistake, but it is one that paul's fans make over and over again to this day. I don't know why people don't take george seriously on things that clearly affected him a lot. Again- its all in his music. it's so all Right There.

[shimchangmins]

i was on twitter and somehow ended up on a thread about m*mamoo getting hate, and honestly, i’m not here to either defend or condemn them because i simply don’t know enough about them to make a fair judgement, but it doesn’t really matter. 1st of all, people are fucking disgusting with their comments, wishing death, r*pe and etc on them, like what in the actual fuck?? idc if you have legitimate reasons to dislike them, this shit is just not okay, period. plus, i swear to god kpop fans are a bunch of fucking hypocrites:

1st they keep preaching about idols’ mental health, and then they literally repeatedly bully them online lmao, yikes.

2nd idk how to tell kpoppies and stans in general this. but attacking the way someone looks just because you dislike them? it’s not okay or progressive in any way, nor does it make you the coolest bitch on the block. you’re just contributing to the perpetuation of harmful standards that hurt a lot of fucking people. so, calling hw*sa ugly and other godawful crap? just makes you a piece of shit and you’ve already lost my interest in whatever you have to say.

3rd they will literally use m*mamoo, and hw*sa in particular, as scapegoats for when their faves fuck up or have a scandal. i can not even explain how disturbing this is to me. because these people hate m*mamoo for being bigoted, racist, etc. but when THEIR faves do the exact same shit, they try to cover it up. it’s honestly laughable. you either care about these issues and therefore call out everyone, or you simply do not give a shit. and clearly they don’t. ch*ngha had cornrows?? hw*sa’s fault and influence because ‘i love ch*ngha and i don’t want to cancel her’.... lmao, yeah sure, you really seem to care a lot about culture appropriation there, jfc. ch*ngha is a grownass woman with a functioning brain for goodness sake, she makes her own decisions and should be the one being held accountable for them. i honestly really have to wonder exactly how many of these people are actually black or a poc in general, considering how they don’t seem to be that bothered by systematic racist, as long as it comes from their faves.

^^^^^ this (the 3rd point) in particular grinds all my fucking gears, because kpop fans really use certain kpop groups (whether they are deserving of all the hate or not) as convenient punching bags, and will literally go on witch hunts on them to protect their faves WHO MAKE THE EXACT SAME MISTAKES!!

they clearly don’t care about actual problematic stuff and changing things, they just don’t want negative attention aimed at their faves, and it’s disgusting. 

idc if you like m*mamoo or not, that’s not the point of this post. but if you do this shit or enable it in any way, either with them or other idols? you’re absolute trash. stop with the witch hunting of groups you don’t stan/dislike and focus on your faves’ own problems, because i guarantee you they have them too.

[olderthannetfic]

hi - sorry, i wanted to ask a few questions, and i wanted to ask them because a) you have had valuable experience being in fandom and b) you have (and still so) played a role in building fandom. so. i wanted to ask - lately, in my current fandom, there's been this divide, so to speak, between "transformative" and "canon-only" fans. my dilemma is that - how "transformative" is "too transformative" when you try your hand at writing fanfic? 1/2

--

what prompted this was, in particular, was a tweet that said "[name of fandom] side ships tend to be universally based on desperate wishful thinking being passed off as "transformative fandom" and stealing from the protagonists..." it's a little ironic because a few years back, i didn't think my fics were transformative enough and now i'm worried if i'm canon-compliant enough. i just - are there hard rules to "doing" fandom? are we still allowed to play around, or is that no longer the norm? 2/2

Well, your first mistake was listening to some dumbass on twitter.

It's cute how you're trying to hide what this is about. The full tweet (no, don't go find this asshole to harass them, please) reads:

mxtx side ships tend to be universally based on desperate wishful thinking being passed off as “transformative fandom” + stealing from the protagonists. but this happens in like every fandom nowadays  it’s so funny

So basically, “Waaaaaaaaah, other people write fanon nonsense!”

This young moron can fuck right off with that attitude. I only know The Untamed/MDZS, and the side ships are mostly flagrantly improbable fanon or involve the most boring possible ~cinnamon roll~ takes on the characters. So I actually agree with them that MXTX fandoms are pretty fanon-filled, I think.

But fic has always been full of fanon.

Crying about other people’s fanon just makes you look like a bitter loser.

--

20 years ago, in English, you’d have found more shippers of a juggernaut non-canon ship. Think something like Stucky today. That’s because we didn’t have much access to m/m canons of the type that are likely to generate big fic fandoms. We had indie queer cinema. We didn’t have epic genre fiction with a main m/m couple. So we got fewer of the Canon Police central canon ship fans. Het fandom has always had them.

“Stealing from the protagonists” means “I want all of fandom to focus on my faves, waaaaah”.

It just means you’re a whiny crybaby.

To be fair, they’re responding to a locked account, so we don’t know the exact context. Perhaps they’re just commiserating about some especially ridiculous OOC fic we too would find awful.

--

OOC, trope-based, porn logic nonsense that has nothing to do with canon may irritate fans who loved canon, but “passed off as transformative fandom” is so unbelievably stupid, that it should tell you all you need to know about this person.

Nothing is being “passed off”. Fanfic modifies canon. Sometimes, it modifies it quite a lot. AUs are a thing. This is what transformative fandom is, young fool!

--

It’s also pretty funny that people are bitching about MXTX fandoms in this way given that MXTX’s original work is heavily playing with genre tropes. It’s already a remix at heart.

[bamababygirl7]

Do you know your beautiful 😍 🤩 in your message and your own ability to carry such a strong example to the next person. The route to true happiness is through true ❤️ love and the only path to true love begins with you getting to know yourself and that opens the door to a world of us that don't understand...We ask ourselves why it never works? Why we fall short? Why don't they love? Thank you Beautiful for sharing your love with us ❤️ 💕 ♥️ 💖 😘 💗 ❤️ 💕 ♥️ 💖

🥰💞 This message is one of my faves. Thank you so very much. You are so right. True happiness and love begins with truly loving and accepting yourself for who you are and not being afraid to be yourself. I’m not going to lie… working on yourself is hard. You have to realize that sometimes you are the problem and face your own faults and do the necessary work to become the person that you truly love and are proud of. It takes time. For me, it was an extremely emotional journey. There were many times when I wanted to give up and go back to just blaming someone else for the difficult times and my problems, but I am so thankful I didn’t. I have made a lot of mistakes but I have used them as a learning tool and grown from them so that is what is important to me. Some people like to live in my past and dwell on mean things I’ve done, but I have apologized and moved forward. If someone wants to live in the past, that’s their choice, but I am not the same person that I was even a year ago. To keep moving forward and bettering yourself, you have to focus on the present and the future. The only thing o think about when I think about the past now is how proud of myself I am and how far I’ve come.

I am so thankful that I am confident enough to be myself despite what anybody else thinks about me. I truly wish everybody would learn to truly love themselves and know their worth so they don’t ever think they weren’t good enough. That makes me so sad. I see so much hatefulness on anon asks and in posts on this app which is sadly due to people being insecure and jealous when the only person any of us should be comparing ourselves to is the person we were yesterday. I hope you have an amazing day and thank you so much for spreading positivity.

[farfarawaygirl]

⭐️ Your choice but anything from the My Favorite Bradford series (my fave ever btw!!)

Thank for letting me speak about one of my favourite Chenford things - my own little universe of the Bradford extended family!

I am even more excited to see Tim's sister and Dad on the show because I wrote a different option for him - and, have a plan to someday expand it!

There was so much I liked about writing this series - specifically the first instalment - I wanted to focus on how Lucy felt comfortable with Tim, and how they would present as a united front to his family. Especially when his dad was involved. I wanted to be careful about I approached the history of abuse that Tim has hinted at, and not label it as anything else. It's complicated, and I wrote it so that each person remembers and has forgiven(or not) according to who they are as a person. Parental abuse is complicated, and given that this would have happened late seventies to the last kid leaving the house, abuse was viewed with very differently in those days. It is not cut and dry - even all these years later.

The whole idea for this universe was based around a throwaway line from this fic:

Pursing her lips, Lucy makes a noise, half agreement, half amusement. There is a softness in her eyes that Tim recognizes, she wears it often when she looks at him, especially when he’s cracking open his chest to share something with her. Like when he told her about how he used to provoke his Dad to keep his brothers safe. About his Mom dying right before he enlisted, and when he came home, Tim’s dad was sober. There’s a lot Tim has told Lucy. A lot Tim has only ever told Lucy, because no one else had asked, or waited around until he answered.

“Am I still your favourite Bradford?”

Lucy’s hand is still fisted in the front of his shirt, but her eyes are moving over to where his two youngest nieces are giggling, their hands dusty from chalk. “Yes.” Her voice is steady, sure. “Of course.”

Tim sharing a cigar with his father was an interesting scene to write, I particularly wanted to touch on how Tim and his Dad both sought the quiet of the outside with the noise going on in Matt's house. You can share similarities with people even when you don't like them. I touched on Tim not wanting needing his fathers approval regarding Lucy, to how he lets Lucy know that he is okay when she looks for him.

I also was intrigued by the idea of Tim watching Lucy run towards danger while off duty. They did do the off the clock raid together in season 2, but when usually Lucy acts alone or with Nolan/West on off the clock danger situations. I wondered what the difference would be like for Tim, to see someone he clearly cares for run towards bullets when she didn't have a gun or any kevlar on.

I tried my hand at some action, and had fun with the Bradford Clan - especially Tim's brothers following him into the firefight.

The parts about Tim's dad in the hospital caught me off guard, I didn't want to paint him in a redeeming light, but rather focus on how even though he was an abusive father he still was a place of memory about Tim. There is value in that. I wanted to show who Tim was, even as a kid, how he focussed on justice and fairness, and pushed himself to keep others safe.

This story just flowed, and there was a little seed planted that I am going to have to follow into bloom.

read it here - all mistakes are very much my own!!!

[springsteenicious]

I don't think any Donna fan thinks Donna's flawless. But, -leaving aside that it’s fair that Donna fans would rather not focus on her flaws since everyone else in fandom is already talking shit about her- I think the fact that it comes out like that is an after-effect of trying to have character debates on tumblr. It’s also the reason why we should really go back to forums. See, this happens in practically every fandom : …

… 1. Fandom decides to hate a character to death, to the point of making those who do like the character uncomfortable. 2. Fans of the character try to do a proper analysis of the character acknowledging both their virtues and flaws. 3. Haters dismiss the virtues, take the flaws as munity and double on them 4. Fans give up on having respectful conversations about the character's flaws and instead try to explain and defend everything about them in an attempt of shooing away the haters. …

… I'll talk about HP since it's one of the biggest fandoms out there. Ron bashing was HUGE back in the day and it still goes on. Fans –mainly Dramione and Harmony fans, don’t think I need to explain why– went on like a broken record about what a dumb, jealous, insecure dirty coward Ron was and how these were all unforgivable flaws for which Ron should stay far away from the group and hopefully die. …

… Ron fans obviously didn't like that and tried to give perspective, pointing out that while some of those things (not all of them) were true, Ron also had many good qualities that made him a great person to have around. But bashers didn't want to talk about Ron's good side, and instead doubled on his insecurity, which Ron fans had admitted to be there. So what did Ron fans do? They started to blame everyone else for Ron's insecurity. ...

... Now it's Hermione's, Harry's and the Weasley's fault for subtly abusing Ron through his life, and any agency he may over his mistakes is erased. Hermione shouldn't have talked about other boyfriends in front of Ron, Ginny should never pick a fight with her big brother, etc. Not everyone takes this stance, but bottom line is that now there's an "anti-Hermione” tag, which would've been unheard of back then. …

… Again, this happens in every fandom. Why? ‘Cause in tumblr it's very easy to come across unproperly tagged character hate, and it's open for everyone to see. But in a forum, everyone's a fan of the same character. No one's scared about admitting their fave's flaws, ‘cause everyone there loves the character and are glad to discuss them in a caring way. And if a hater appears, the mods can block them. Anyway, I'm excited to read your meta!! (Man I really need to make an acc for these things)

Thanks for sharing this!

This is going to sound like a 'not-all-men' argument (which, blech), but... I don't think this happens in EVERY fandom. Most television/movie fandoms, yes, but not all. When I was in the IT fandom, all seven losers were appreciated. Mike and Ben sometimes got hate because of the fans' racism or fatphobia, but that wasn't the fandom deciding to hate their characters for the actual characterization. We were all focused on hating Pennywise and Bowers and Eddie's mom. At least, when I was in the fandom that was the case. Don't know what it's like now.

I used to be interested in Harry Potter. I read all the books, watched all the movies, was even active in the Marauders section of the fandom briefly. Then I got a little older and I learned about JKR's blatant and terrible transphobia, and I stopped participating in the fandom completely. JKR's transphobia really turned me away from the whole HP universe. So I have no way of verifying any of this, but I'm sure you're right. It sounds about right. And, again, I was into the Marauders, and that was all just Peter Pettigrew and Snape hate.

I'm not personally afraid of haters. I have a lot of ways to destroy people with words and be really mean when I want to, so I'm not scared of people sending asks that hate on Donna.

Also, yeah, Tumblr sucks. It's great, but it also sucks. The website itself has some... design flaws. And you can block people on this site too, but it's hard to if they're an anon. And even when you've blocked someone, you can still see their account and posts and they can still interact with you through reblogs. I know because I had someone blocked for good reason, then they reblogged a post of mine (we're in the same fandom) and past events had to repeat themselves, much to my dismay. I just have to try and stay away from that account now because I can't rely on Tumblr blocking them from my dash/notifications.

But despite stuff like that, I really do like Tumblr. I've met some really cool people, in both this fandom and the classic rock fandom, for which I have another account. So if you're thinking of making an account, I say go for it! As far as fandoms go, That 70s Show has a pretty good one. The bigger accounts in the fandom are all run by super kind, creative, awesome people and I'm really glad I've gotten to know some of them 😊

[lunavadash-creates]

Hello there! It's your favorite Knifey of all knifeys.!

Sorry for lack of response but.. but what. I dont know if it's because of vaccine, but I'm exhausted lately. I could sleep all day and all night. My concentration doesn't exist anymore. And yes, vaccine knocked me out! My hand didn't hurt to be honest, but I had high fever and migraine. I got blood test to see if there is anything wrong, but the results are good. I have no idea what's going on. 😐

How are you Sweetie? Did you have proper rest after your trip? Tell me how it was! What did you see! Tell me everything!

I was thinking about words you said. That adventures starting in a secret are the best ones. You were right. When I got my dog I was trying to hide my allergy for almost 4 month! I was determined to have a doggo, so I have been talking my friend's meds for allergy as she is hardcore allergic. I admit, it was stupid and irresponsible, but definitely it was worth all the risk!

Haha, yes, I was in Venice and in Florence and other Italian cities. I just love travelling! It's not I am from wealthy family or something, I am not. I have no savings, because I spend all my money on traveling. I was working for 3 month everyday for 12-13 hours in a pub so I could spend half month in South Korea. Dealing with all those creepy and drunk men was also worthy!

And I just wanted to say you are the sweetest! Your messages always make me smile! Always! Thank you so much for all your encouraging words! They make me feel better! Your messages, your writing, everything.! I love to check your blog, I love content you share with your followers. And you deserve all the support! Please don't change, you are wonderful and so asdfghjkllove!💕

Sorry for all mistakes and grammar, my brain doesn't want to cooperate.

Loads of love! Take care of yourself or Altair will be highly disappointed if you don't! And me too.!

🔪

Dont worry about response! Its worth waiting to see your message in my inbox! And I get it, vaccines are scary and you never know how it will make you react. For example i had jj vaccine my hand hurt for like 5 days but except from that i was fine! So if you feel exhausted just rest, drink water, eat something tasty. Im happy you are not so much more safer! I hope you'll feel better soon, please keep me updated!

Ah as for me... I have health problem again. My leg suddenly got swollen almost 3 weeks ago and now it hurts a lot so I cant walk. I already have usg of veins and x-Ray but it showed nothing so tomorrow ill call another doctor and make appointement.

Fortunately my trip was amazing! What I saw? Well I love museum so we went to musaum of torture and museum of sex toys. Honestly the second one was my fave - the have sex toys from all around the world and from different periods. Like they have full bdsm equipement and shoes and ancient roman prostitutes (u know, the ones that left foot print on the ground with words 'follow my foot steps'). It was so amazing! I also saw charles university, charles bridge, rose gardens, cafhedrals and all amazing places. I also was in metro! (there is 1 line of metro in my country and its in the capital). I also had Czech McDonalds which is so tasty! And for the first time in ny life i was in a vegan/vegetarian restaurant and i truly liked the food!

As for adventures. It was my firdt. I love traveling but unfortunately i have no friends to travel with. So I used to travel with family and prague was my first, alone travel abroad to visit a friend. I hope i can do it more often because world has so much to offer. And you know what? Our lives are so short there is no point of wasting them on being afraid to risk!

YOU WERE IN SOUTH KOREA?! I ENVU U SO MUCH GOOD GODS. Knifey you are such a role model for me 🥺💜 i want ti be as brave as you. And hard working as you.

Tell me everything please?

Also doggy! Yes, hiding allergy wasnt the smartest move but im glad you are fine (you are, right?). I hope you can fight thst allergy and enjoy floofy companions!

One again thank you for your kind words and support. Honestly I want to change a bit, i need to go back to who i used to be in terms of working. I cant focus on stuff, i cant make myself do things i love. It tiring, you know? I used to read one book a day. Write a lot and a lot of fiction and my own stories. I used to study Japanese fir fun, writing all the signs and trying to remember them. Now I feel like a wreck that cant concentrate. But I will work hard to become a better person so I can post more! And I wish to make more people happy. You know whag is for me the biggest achievement? When people say i managed to make them smile/laugh and something i made made them happy. Your messages give me so much positive energy! Thank you again!

You asked for pictures so here is astronomical clock, president Palace and a rose from rose garden!

[lady-asteria]

Fandom: HOW DARE GRRM WRITE SANSA AS A GOOD-HEARTED BUT FLAWED KID WHO LOVES HER FAMILY BUT DOESN‘T ALWAYS GET ALONG WITH THEM AND LOVES STORIES THAT REASSURE HER THAT THERE IS GOODNESS AND JUSTICE IN THE WORLD!!!!!!! YOU KNOW, LIKE DANY AND BRAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The saddest thing is that people focus in her flaws and make them irremediable ones- They call her either stupid bc *check notes* Oh, she believes songs are real when she's 11 (with that age I was sure cartoons were real) or a evil master mind bc *check notes* she didn't speak againts her future husband, the future king and wanted to make sure the North independent- And, look, Sansa has flaws, that's what make her relatable and human but she's a good person: Good persons made mistakes and can make some bad things, but honestly? She isn't worse than your average 11 years old, I could she has a kinder heart than your average 11yo. She believes there are justice and goodness in the world and, please, tell me how is that wrong?? Like, the world should be like in the songs, she isn't in the wrong for wanting happiness-

And, as an older sister, I figth with my lil sister, we insulted each other and get angry at the other one- I also love her and will hurt the bastard who dare to annoy her or make her cry. I, personally, don't always get along with my family but I care for them, I love my parents. Sansa may not always get along with her family and they don't share the same interest (not really, bc Bran loved the idea of the South as much as her) but all she wants is to get back to them- (As Arya, Bran, Jon and probably Rickon do)

I know not everybody is going to like my fave characters, I can see why Sansa's narrative or kind of character isn't for everybody (I'm still petty and will ignore that opinions bc them and I will be happier) and that's fine! I dislike characters too! But I can see that they aren't (totally) villains or useless- they aren't just my cup of tea, said that, most of the hate she gets is purely misogynism, some people can't forgive kids acting like kids- With Sansa, you have lot of ways the characer, just like anyother, but if you see yourself in her you can, a) embrace it, relate to her and appreciate her character or b) Be scared, bc nobody wants to remember how naive they were or how they trusted the wrong person (wich is wrong bc actually they didn't do something wrong, the other person (adult in this situation) fail you)-

Or, sure, be a dudebro or a "not like other girls" and hate her bc she's femine and "not one of the boys"

Or one of the "Tywin was right" kind of fan- Enjoy Tywin as a character if you want, I can't stop you, but asoiaf isn't going to be about how Ned was wrong and Tywin right

(I'm also mad bc some people who defend her attack Dany and I was like ??, Look, I get some (bc saying everybody who likes a character is x just for that is... strange) stans aren't know for how kind they are to Sansa (and it annoys me) but there is no reason to attack others characters to defend your fave, and I say this as someone who has Sansa as her favourite character, not only in asoiaf but in general she's in my top 3 of character)

...This sounds like a rant but well but here we are

[crimsonheart01]

Since we are now halfway through the year what has been your fave movie and tv series you’ve watched? You can pick more than one!

My sweet, sweet anon. I promise I haven't been ignoring you. I've been sitting on this ask for a while now because I needed to think.

Since you didn't specify if they needed to be new or not here's what's been on my watchlist lately:

Chocolat. I adore this movie. I don't like candy and don't really have a sweet tooth, but chocolate is my go-to when I have a hankering. A whole movie about my favourite sweet? Yes, please! Juliette Binoche in this movie is to die for. I aspire to Vianne Rocher. She's a force to be reckoned with but walks through her everyday life with kindness. She's observant and takes her time to get to know the people around her. However, instead of using the information she finds with malice she chooses to help others (and guess their favourite chocolate). She stays true to herself, her beliefs, and her morals even in the face of adversity. She enters every situation with kindness regardless of how she's being perceived. And, she doesn't come off as a Mary Sue like a lot of women get written off as. She has faults, and she makes mistakes, and you get to see them. Everything about her is exceptional. Come on! How could I ask for more? I watch this movie at least once a month, if not more. Not to mention that I also am determined to dress similarly to Vianne in this movie. I just need to find myself a quaint French town to live in first.

Looking past the glaring issues of the latest season, Stranger Things is definitely one of my favourites. I'm an absolute fraidy-cat. I can't watch this show at night by myself. I need my husband to watch it with me, or I binge it during daylight. Regardless of all that, I think overall, this show is really great. From the soundtrack to the originality of the story. I love the progression and the antics. While this latest season was a lot mellower in terms of the comedic aspect, I do adore the daily lives of the kiddos in this show and watching them grow in real-time. The intricacies of all the relationships is also amazing. Plus, the characterizations of the people in general. The actors themselves brought these characters to life, and I'm better for it. I honestly can't pick a favourite from the bunch because they all have a special place in my heart.

Honourable mentions:

I tried getting into Euphoria. I liked it but never made it past episode 3.

I enjoyed Eternals (Drukkari 4 Life).

WandaVision & Loki

The Book of Boba Fett. I know it gets heat because the last couple of episodes are Mando heavy, but altogether I really liked the show.

Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. This was alright. I loved Wanda's story arc but tbh as a major MCU film, it was a bit lacklustre. I didn't really care about Dr. Strange in it at all.

Sailor Moon Crystal (I got my oldest hooked on this by accident and now we're watching it together)

On my To Be Watched List:

I've seen and heard great things about Ms. Marvel, but tbh I'm MCU'd out right now.

Top Boy. I loved the original British series, and my husband watched the Netflix season of 2019 and liked it, but I never got around to it. Now that there's another season, I'm considering it. I'm worried, though, because I don't care for Drake, and I know he's the executive producer on this revival. It's said that he's just bankrolling it, but anything associated with Drake I tend to ignore.

Yellowjackets. I don't know much about this one besides that a lot of people have liked it. I'll maybe get around to watching it.

The Boys. The first season was great, but I just haven't felt the pull to watch the subsequent seasons. I want to, I just can't focus on it long enough to actually sit through an episode. I miss Frenchie!

Finally, new content for Atlanta! I can't wait to dive back into this series all over again and then catch up with the newest season.

[soraenun-archive]

before diving head first into my answer to your previous message, i'd just like to tell you that whenever i sit down to 'talk' to you, i always have the biggest smile because i know i'll be having a good time :D 💕 thank you for that shannon (i read your about a while ago but idk if you feel comfortable with me saying your name 👉👈 if you don't, please let me know so i learn from my mistake) oh, and that ziont pic in your about is gold! thanks for putting it there <3

ah i see the fans are somewhat at fault for the whole t-panties incident. if they didn't ask them about the colour of their underwear, we might have been called pinecones 🤧 we were this close to having a cute name.... i'm still sad over it but i hope one day he wakes up and decides to change our name 🤞

disbanded groups my beloveds 🤧💔 my heart is still broken thinking about them. they make most of my kpop music taste :( it's sad to see because when they were still active, i didn't even think about disbandment. and then BOOM! my whole world has turned upside down. at least, most of the members from said groups are doing their own thing. i'm happy for them. as long as they're doing what they want, i will support them. enough with the sadness, let's go to the happy path. if elo does release his album in april, i will listen to it because of you. i am excited for you :D it's always nice to listen to new music from one of your faves 💞 idk much about him so if you have any song recs before the new album, i'd love to listen to them.

also, your friendship with vianey is super cute 💖 the fact that you share so many interests and have someone to talk about it to 💘 and you're right, it's best to have friends who you can share your love of kpop with 💕

what are your favourite movies? are you more a movie movie or animated movie kind of girl? let me know all about your movie taste. well, as long as you're comfortable sharing of course!

have a lovely day bestie <3

from 🐘 anon

hi bestie!!! please that is the sweetest thing :( i always have a huge smile when i read your messages and always look forward to getting them! 💓💞 like your messages just instantly make me happier and make my day better so thank you as well <33 it’s so sweet of you to ask i’m totally comfortable with you using my name!! it makes me really happy when people use my name on here it’s a small gesture but i find it really nice for some reason 🥺🥺

oooh if you want to talk about it i would but love hear about your favourite groups that have disbanded but if you would rather focus on happier things i understand! but it's nice that the members from the groups you liked are still doing their own thing and you can support them in that way!! most of the disbanded groups i loved were flop groups so they're not doing much these days :( but that’s probably why i’m more of a casual listener of many groups now so if they were to disband suddenly i wouldn’t be as upset over it as i have been before! and i don't think i have to worry about enhypen or billlie disbanding any time soon so i should be safe being a fan of them ajsdhaksd

aww it would make me so happy if you listened to his album because of me!! he’s incredibly underrated especially since he’s signed to such a huge label like aomg you would think his fanbase would be a lot bigger. he’s also very good friends with zion.t and part of the vv:D crew (with loco, gray, crush and zion.t) so i can't help but love him. if you have the time i would say to listen to the whole 8 femmes album every song is incredible and it's genuinely one of the best albums i’ve ever listened to and if you can see the physical album it’s sooo pretty. but to name a few based on the other songs you seem to like i would suggest listening to rose, tattoo, melt and osaka! and you mentioned hoody before so i would suggest listening to friends with benefits too since she's featured on that! i think those are good songs for people wanting to get into his music!! if you give them a listen i would love to know what you think and i hope you like them!💓💓

ooo i used to love watching movies but these days i don’t really have the attention span for it. i’m more of a binge 5 whole seasons of a show in a day than watch a movie person so my movie taste is probably so embarrassing like i’m truly admitting this on tumblr dot com but i had a whole matt damon phase and a lot of his movies are still some of my favourites particularly good will hunting and the ocean’s and bourne movies. i literally used to have a movie blog with a matt damon url :/. and there’s a few movies from my childhood that i consider my favourites too like good burger and cool runnings! (if u know these movies then u have very good taste) i could easily watch these movies a million times and not get bored of them! i do appreciate a good animated movie but i definitely don’t watch them as much :( my movie taste isn't all that interesting though i just watch whatever is popular or whatever i've heard is good </3 i'm sure your taste in movies is far more exciting askdhasdkj

as always thank you!!! and i hope you're having a good day too💕

[motorcyclegirlfriends]

Sense the SDCC thing, I've been seeing a lot of art and fics that are dragging Kara/Supergirl. Like I get that some people are upset at the actors but the characters have nothing to do with any of this. I started watching the show because I read the comics when I was a kid, I just loved Supergirl as a hero. It's really kind of upsetting. They're treating a character like shit because they don't like something the person who portrays them did.

So this is a long dissection of the current Supergirl fan behavior, but if you’ve been wondering what the hell is going on, you might be interested in reading these concepts.

I understand why you’re upset. I am too, because Kara is such a wonderful character. I don’t think I’ve ever liked a character as much as her.

But there are two things you should realize when seeing this:

1. They never really cared about Kara to being with. Your loved Kara-focused content isn’t changing or leaving, because these people were not making the Kara content. They were likely initially making Supercorp Lena-focused content.

2. It’s not even about her.

I think what a lot of people who are newly joining this SDCC homophobia discussion are missing is that a lot of the most vicious backlash is not from people who are uniquely upset over this issue (though there are certainly people who are- and understandably) but from people who have had consistently overzealous reactions of hate toward actors and characters alike, save their fave (pretty much Katie Mcgrath/Lena Luthor).

On tumblr, and very noticeably in this fandom, there are sections of fans who seem to genuinely enjoy hating things. It’s a sport.

They’re having fun sending the most hurtful things they can think of to actors, and are the quickest to begin making vicious memes and jokes surrounding a negative event, before there has been a consensus within the community of how bad the “sin” was.

The “punishment” begins before the jury is out, and trying to defend those in the situation feels like trying to put a bullet back into a gun after it’s been fired. 

(Maybe it’s more like stepping in front of a bullet, because once these few have decided that the target is guilty, they won’t stop, and anyone who disagrees with them is guilty, too. Blogs and actors alike.)

This is partially why my discussion of the SDCC event had a “are they homophobic” slant (other then that I believe the nature of the event itself- if it was homophobic- hinges on the feeling behind the words, unlike most other instances of homophobia. It’s complicated and some people understandably disagree so far, but it’s really how I see it and I’ll be talking more about it a little later in different posts).

People started calling Melissa and Jeremy homophobic right away. Started targeting Kara as a character. Started “spite shipping” Lena and Reign. 

Or alternative to these options- immediately fan re-casted Kara as someone else to still be able to ship Supercorp. 

From where I stand, if you can so easily let go of this characterization of Kara, you never really cared about her as a character to begin with. If you don’t know that this was The™ person to play Kara Danvers, you’re likely more invested in the role she plays for Lena than for her as herself. 

And regardless of gender, I am uninterested in ships in which one character exists for the sake of another. (Lena existing purely for the sake of Kara’s development squicks me, too)

Recasting a woc as Kara doesn’t sit well with me either, for that reason. It’s a similar concept to how Maggie must exist as her own complex and valued person, apart from Alex, because she is a character of color.

I can’t really read the minds of these people, and I guess I could be wrong, but it’s hard for me to imagine actual Kara fans recasting her in this way.

Essentially, a lot of these people, or at least a very vocal minority, are so quick to accept that something horrible has happened because they want an excuse to hate them. 

They like it. 

Maybe it’s because they’re upset with the way society is and want someone to suffer for it. Maybe it’s because they have unresolved anger in their lives. 

But as it stands, it appears as if these people are using moral rightness and social activism as an excuse to be as mean as they want.

And like @youngbloodbuzz said in the link above, you start to look at their past behaviors in a new light. Were they genuinely upset at characters? Actors? Did they really feel like a travesty was occurring? That someone needed protecting?

Or were they just looking for reasons to call someone a “stupid cunt”?

It’s like they’re genuinely thinking, “It’s okay for me to make fun of someone’s physical appearance, call them intense names, make memes about how horrible they are innately, and send them death threats because they said something problematic once that a lot of people will hear.”

Sometimes they’ll call it “coping”, and maybe some people truly believe that makes it okay. But coping mechanisms are not above reproach.

If I hurt someone because I’m upset about something- even if I hurt someone because they did something wrong- it doesn’t erase the fact that I hurt them. We are still responsible to how we react to bad situations. We are still responsible for not reacting in an overly inflated way. 

Sometimes people will focus on how those that they’re attacking have more of a responsibility to be good people. That they are but mere bloggers, screaming into the void. They can’t possibly be accountable for how they behave. 

“I’m tired of talking about how bad the fans are, we should be focusing on what they did wrong!”

It creates an atmosphere in which an honest mistake from a well known person is much more crucifiable than the purposeful cruelty of the fans. We’re discouraged from criticizing popular blogs because the person they’re attacking has a wider audience and larger consequences for mistakes, as if popular bloggers don’t reach and influence thousands of people and as if we aren’t allowed to shape the way our own community functions.

Meanwhile, people who genuinely value morality and social activism fall prey to this thinking. They’ll even join in on the action, because they think it’s a moral act. 

Rebellion, somehow. Righteous fire. 

It’s a twisted mindset that spreads because people are afraid to be on the wrong side of morality.

Even people who really think the reaction is “too far” are quiet about it because they agree with the fact that what the offending celebrity did was wrong, and see that the level of vitriol for them now is overwhelming.

This is how I imagine that people who believe Melissa and Jeremy’s words to be homophobic but who do not think a couple of mistakes makes someone pure evil are relating to the current tumblr dialogue: 

“Wow this thing was homophobic!”

“Huh, yeah, I agree. Maybe not intentionally, but yeah.”

“That means this person is homophobic!”

“Uh, well, not sure I’d go that far-”

“Oh and look at this other somewhat problematic thing they did a while ago”

“Hmm well that’s bad, but not everyone outside of social activism gets that that’s a bad thing, so I can see-”

“Wow did you hear that this person also has an opinion about the show that I disagree with! What the fuck is wrong with them?”

“Oh. Well I actually agree with them in that situation but-”

“Omg they think that their character is like this! Do they know them at all??? What kind of terrible actor doesn’t know their character?”

“Well that’s a pretty common way that people are reading this character. Just because you-”

“Here’s some conjecture about their personal life that I imagine happened that paints them in a bad light.”

“Well, you don’t know that, but either way you shouldn’t be diving into their personal-”

“Oh and here’s a totally real story from an anon about someone they know who knew this person in the past and says they were a jerk at this one point-”

And it becomes too much. If you don’t really love the actor, really love their character, you either extract yourself from the group or you ignore the opinions you disagree with. 

It becomes quite clear that these people want to feel this way and won’t be changing any time soon.

And the more there seems to be a consensus about the issue, the less willing people are to speak out, for fear of rejection.

The Spiral of Silence theory is a good way to explain it:

To avoid isolation, people tend to refrain from publicly stating their views on controversial matters when they perceive that doing so would attract criticism, scorn, laughter, or other signs of disapproval. 

Conversely, those who sense that their opinions will meet with approval tend to voice them fearlessly and at times vociferously. 

Indeed, speaking out in such a way tends to enhance the threat of isolation faced by supporters of the opposing position, reinforcing their sense of being alone. 

Thus a spiraling process begins, the dominant camp becoming ever louder and more self-confident while the other camp becomes increasingly silent.

Importantly, the spiral of silence occurs only in connection with controversial issues that have a strong moral component. What triggers a person’s fear of isolation is the belief that others will consider him or her not merely mistaken but morally bad. Accordingly, issues that lack a moral component or on which there is general consensus leave no room for a spiral of silence.

Additionally, I believe that if someone does speak out against the (perceived) majority, it is most likely to be someone who is very strongly opposing of it.

A person who believes “It isn’t homophobic at all! They are innocent!” is more likely to voice their disagreements than “Okay I agree with your assessment of the situation but I think maybe we’re being too harsh…”

So the “minority”- who could technically very well be the quiet majority (people with middle-ground opinions just don’t get as many followers)- stays quiet. 

They might even change their minds to agree with the “majority”, over time. 

Believing that the mindset of the group that you belong to is wrong is psychologically uncomfortable, so it is not uncommon for someone to try to adjust their thinking to fit those they feel connected to.

So, eventually, the only people who are speaking at all are those “majorities” who hate these people. Or those who act like they do for notes.

And then this thinking escalates amongst those still talking about it (remember: because it’s fun for them and they want to milk it for as long as possible) and it quickly translates to hating their character, once they’ve temporarily run out of material to be angry with the actor for.

So, back to your concern, how long until, “it’s hard to look at Melissa as Kara right now, because of how I fear she might feel about gay people” becomes something like “Mon-El is abusive, but Kara can choke so whatever” ?

(And on that note, one should consider how much they really wanted to protect Kara Danvers’ characterization from Mon-El’s influence, and how much was just a part of their hate-hobby.)

Maybe it won’t go that far. I hope it doesn’t. I hope people come to their senses about this.

But it’s escalated even since yesterday, when I started making this post. The language being used to describe Melissa when she is speaking normally, about normal things that some people have a difference of opinion on, is abhorrent. 

So if you’re just trying to enjoy fandom in a peaceful and creative way, I encourage you to watch how the people you interact with react when something negative happens.

Are they disheartened? Crushed? Are they considering leaving the show and it’s fandom? Writing serious essays about how they’re hurt?

…Or do they come alive?

Are they incredibly angry, and then making jokes immediately? Memes and edits and creative content more so than they do on a peaceful day? Do you get the sense that they aren’t going anywhere, for a long time, even though they don’t seem to enjoy anything about the show?

Then you might be better off unfollowing them.

Of course, not everyone who makes a joke about negative things is thus enjoying it. It makes people feel better to make light of situations as well as to express anger, and doing so doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re drama-seeking.

And sometimes people slip into the mob more than they would like to have, retrospectively. Say cruel things that they regret later. 

It happens, and tumblr can be a persuasive and pervasive place. 

If you follow someone who initially reblogs some slightly overly hateful things, but who then backs off after the first wave, they probably aren’t the kind of person who is fueled by anger. 

I’ve seen a lot of people I considered to be level-headed get wrapped up in overly aggressive, black and white thinking during the initial reaction to events.

But then sometimes, a couple of weeks later, they’ll post a tentative “Anyone else still wanna kinda like this thing, even though we said it was bad before?” and they’ll get enough approval via reblogs to feel like it’s okay to go back to normal.

Some blogs quietly sort themselves out, in the end.

And if you’re one of those people who goes overboard occasionally, I get it. 

You’re hurt and you didn’t realize that the basis for the fan reaction that you were involved in was morally shallow. That the people you were supporting were not righteously furious, but using righteousness as an excuse to be furious.

But remember the message here: people make mistakes. It’s the patterns that really tell you who they are.

And I think we can be better. Have better patterns, as a group.

In the end, I encourage you to point out when a reaction is too harsh, toward anyone. Even if it’s difficult. Even if you agree that what the person did was pretty bad.

Agreeing that “black and white thinking” is bad can feel like you’re lowering your standards for morality. But I promise, you can still value the things that you value and loathe the things that go against it, without condemning someone’s entire personhood based on a mistake or a handful of mistakes regarding those things.

Even big mistakes.

People are complicated. We are all made up of really good things and really bad things.

It’s easy to believe that someone is wholly bad when they screw up.

The hard part, the part that will ultimately ground you and help you mature, is realizing that someone can have some really bad parts within them and still be good people. (I encourage you to remember that when thinking about yourself, as well.)

The trick is recognizing the difference between when people are making honest mistakes that unintentionally hurt people, and when they’re willfully behaving a certain way because they want to hurt people (or don’t care that they will). 

And further, between when people are lashing out because they’re hurt and when people are inventing hurt to be able to lash out.

These distinctions will help you realize who you can guide or trust to work their issues out on their own when they slip up, and who you should distance yourself from.

Some very vocal portions of the fandom are, unfortunately, the latter.

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Wren I need some advice.. My best friend (and ex-boyfriend) just abandoned me, and called me hopeless. I feel bad, but I just wish there was something I could trade to get him back. Honestly I don't entirely believe I'm hopeless compared to who I was last year when the incident happened. It's not my fault I have anger issues, ya know? God I sometimes want to drown out everything with alcohol but I don't want the aftermath of it. Lately since that happened I've felt bad and I hope for your help

Hi, Anon! To start off with, you’re not hopeless.  I don’t believe that having made mistakes makes a person hopeless.  And considering you’ve made strides since the incident you’ve alluded to here, you’re clearly growing as a person, which is extremely significant, and you have every right to be proud of that!!!

I completely understand what wanting to drown sadness and anger out with alcohol, and it’s something I did end up doing, and I’m still paying for the aftermath of that now, so I, myself, think that you’re doing an excellent job by refraining from that -- I know how hard it is.  And anger is a very, very difficult emotion to have to constantly cope with.

Anger wears people down.  It’s exhausting, it’s upsetting, it can alienate the people we care about from us, it’s incredibly physically and emotionally uncomfortable, and it’s not at all easy to work through -- but that doesn’t mean it can’t be worked through.  Anger doesn’t excuse all of a person’s actions, but it does give you an idea of what sorts of things upset you, and where the anger might be stemming from.  That makes it very treatable, and while I know it’s a painful, gradual, arduous journey to become the person you want to be, it’s always possible and I know that you can do it -- mistakes and setbacks happen, but that’s all they are.  They don’t mean that you can’t change, and that you can’t recover and start to experience life in a way that’s fulfilling for you!

Some people don’t have the capacity to stick by the people they’re close to, while those people are coming into themselves and are on that journey.  And there are perfectly fair reasons for that -- no one owes us mistake after mistake.  But to call someone hopeless, and to abandon them completely doesn’t make sense to me.  I think it’s a spiteful thing to say to someone, and it certainly isn’t going to help them in any way.  I don’t believe that a best friend should ever say that to someone who’s struggling, who cares for them, and who trusts them.  If he needed some space, or the time to come to terms with what he can and cannot currently handle, he should have told you just that.  If he couldn’t be there for you, he should have honestly said so, and not just put you down while you’re trying your hardest to be the best version of yourself you can be.

It wasn’t fair to you at all, and your feelings are completely reasonable, Anon.

I don’t know the guy personally, so I can’t say for sure, but he might have just said that to you in the heat of the moment (which isn’t a good excuse, by any means, but does explain why he’d just totally fail you in that moment).  There may still be a way to have him in your life, but you’d both really have to talk this through carefully, honestly, and in-depth.  Giving him some time to cool down before approaching him with the suggestion of simply having this conversation is probably for the best.  

To see if he’s ready/willing to talk it out at some point, you could message/say to him “I understand that this is overwhelming for you right now, but I care about you, and I’m still in the process of growing and making progress.  I’m not going to give up on myself, or on our friendship.  If you need time, that’s perfectly okay, and I respect that, but I feel as though we need to talk this out eventually, and that can be when you’re ready.  Just let me know.”

Again, wait for a little while before approaching him this way, if you plan to do so!!! Because if someone is really upset, they may not react in a way that’s helpful to anyone, and I just don’t want him to lash out at you again while you’re in a vulnerable place.  If he does, remember it’s likely because he’s frustrated, and acting/speaking out of his own anger -- that is not your responsibility.  His emotions are something he has to work through, and like I said, you’re doing what you can to change for the better.  That’s enough.  So I would try not to take what he said to heart too much, because regardless of whether he means it or not (and I can’t speak for him, but I suspect it’s the latter), it isn’t true, and you are on your way to making up for your mistakes.

The best you can do is focus on yourself right now.  Practicing self-care and self-soothing is a good idea.  Even though it’s probably the last thing you feel like doing, do something nice for yourself.  Binge on some of your fave shows, fave books, fave games (anything that you typically enjoy doing, even if it feels hollow rn), and give yourself time to calm down a bit as well.  That way, when your emotions aren’t totally bowling you over, you can more easily consider problem-solving options.  I do think that issues like this can be talked through... but both parties have to be ready and willing to talk, and especially to listen.

If things feel too intense atm, and you’re worried that you’ll make an impulsive decision that could put your health in jeopardy, then calling a chat line, venting anonymously, and visiting some related forums might help... these people obviously don’t have all the answers, but they might have some ideas... and sometimes it’s even just nice to know that someone is listening to you.

http://codedredalert.tumblr.com/post/109005732295/helpline-masterlist

https://www.7cups.com/

And you can definitely continue talking to me about anything you want, Anon! My askbox is always open to you, and I’m here to listen as well -- my advice might not be right for you, but I can promise you that I do want things to work out for you, and I believe that you deserve to have that!

Take care, Anon!