#you don’t need to speedrun everything

[zukkaoru]

if bones cuts tecchou’s “everyone misunderstands jouno” line i am literally never trusting anyone again

[literallyjusttoa]

Guys I think Troy is becoming my Roman Empire.

[callooopie]

Modern!Davos Blackwood headcannons (pt. 1?)

— SFW —

I’ll hit it from the back, just so you don’t get attached — i like the way you kiss me // artemas

I can definitely see myself making more of these. Adding to the modern! Davos lore. Not proofread. LMK if y’all have other ideas or headcannons too!

Benjicot Davos Blackwood. People call him Davos. Only close friends call him Ben. Only you can call him Benji. Although, he goes by his middle name usually. Now, bloody Ben? That’s a story to be told later on how he got... (There is no story. It’s just people saying “Shit.. there’s bloody Ben..” or something like that. There’s no violence to the name, only pure exasperation when people see him)

This is the boy you need to hide away in your closet or under your bed when your parents come checking in on you randomly. You could’ve been working on homework, or just hanging around. And somehow this “annoying” guy appeared outside your bedroom window—and you just had to let him in. “C’mooon, let me in sweetheart.. you think I can’t climb up there? Stand back, I’ll show you.”

He is the type of person to rant about how the education system is rigged, set up to fail students, or rant about it in general and as a whole. Anyway he’s got a 4.0, and makes it onto the dean’s list every semester in college. However he is always late to class—complete with either a Monster or Red Bull drink in tow.

He invites you over to his place like a gentleman. Ignore his “annoying fuckass” roommate.. (it’s Aeron.) He does the whole (“it’s a little messy :3”) as he leads you down the hall of their apartment. “Hello MTV, welcome to my crib.”

He cooks at that desk, game-wise. Faceit level is between 5-6. CSGO rank is Master Guardian II (He does tell you he once hit Global Elite. But he stopped the grind to focus on school, not because he’s washed or anything—maybe you could be his Valorant duo? Or be his support in League; he’ll have you know he makes a mean ADC.. do you do overnight discord calls?—)

If you play more casual games (Minecraft, stardew, etc) he will play with you, HOWEVER, he will either ruin the aesthetic of the minecraft world via automated farms OR speedrun the mines in stardew (he passes out so much it starts to affect the money you’re trying to save for farm upgrades). Every time he goes fishing in either game he puts on a country accent and makes “gone fishing, getting away from my bitch wife” jokes. “I’ve uh- carved out an area for the iron farm. Nothin’ too big—just something to get started.” (Shows you an utterly decimated and leveled biome)

Davos Blackwood fun fact no. 43; he does rallying (rally racing). He went to a rally school for fun over the summer. Ignore the price tag; yes he saved up for that! no it’s not dangerous! Regular driving wise he does donuts in empty parking lots, and takes corners way too fast. He is the type to street race a random ass pickup truck or some other car that pulls up beside him. It is thrilling, and he knows you enjoy it too despite your protests and how you grip the handle above the seat. “No it’s fine.. pfft—don’t worry don’t— I’ll smoke him. Just watch.”

Speaking of cars. Do not complain about his car. This is his baby. His one and only. It’s an old car; it’s so old it’s bordering not being considered street safe anymore. Ignore the anime girl stickers with their tits and ass out, that was there already he didn’t do that. “It’s safe don’t worry—I’m getting the bumper and everything fixed like Monday I swear.. no I did not hit anything why would you say that-“

He’s oddly in-tune with his emotions and emotions of others despite appearances. He’ll KNOW if something’s bothering you. Maybe you’re just a little too quiet, you laugh at a joke a little too late or even if it sounds unenthusiastic. Whatever it is, Davos is on the case. A hug, some pep talk, he’ll let you punch his palms to get any anger out. He’s your ride or die, of course he’d do anything for you. And maybe if it’s a person who upset you he might pay them a visit.. “Who was it this time? Oh—that bitch? Ugh. I’m sorry about that… I have a gun just saying—“

Needs your hand in his. Or some part of you touching him. Whatever works. If he does not get a modicum of affection in 5 minute intervals he shrivels up like a plant—no he’s not being dramatic. Is the type to whine loudly about it regardless of where you’re at. On occasion he lets out bloodcurdling screams as a joke, lamenting about being denied tender love from you. You think it’s funny in private, you do not think it’s funny in public. Which is why he always does it in public. “Gimme your hand. Wha? What do you mean ‘it’s too hot out’? I wanna.. I wanna hold your hand… I don’t care if you’re sweaty—LET ME HOLD YOUR HAND”

I do believe his brain would be.. a little rotted. He sends you tiktoks, niche memes, shitposts. He will watch twitch streams or league/csgo content creators on YouTube. His vocab is normal, but does consist of slang from the gaming community. This can be good and funny, or sometimes bad if he uses it during serious moments. However he’s at least a normal human being and knows when to talk ‘normally’. He says joever unironically

Shadow boxes you. No matter what’s happening or where. You could be looking at something in a store and you just see slow, dramatic punches going toward you. He makes the whooshing sound too. This is how you know he’s bored. He’s also the type to tackle you to the bed. Not in a sensual or cutesy way but in like a WWE way that initiates a caged fighting match between you two.

Regardless of your mastery level of skateboarding he will hold your hands and pull you around on his board. Late at night when the parks or lots are empty, you both will be there. And he’ll be a smiling goof as he gently steers you around on the board. He usually says fuck helmets (his one big flaw), but carries one around just for you. His safety be damned. Yours? No question about it, you’re wearing all the gear required.

Smoker. Red flag. Marlboros, sometimes he uses zyns. It’s bad. Yes he knows he’s going to get lung cancer and succumb to nicotine. But he just can’t help it—it helps him relax. It’s why there’s a plethora of gum and also a cologne bottle in his car. Does it help? That’s to be determined. Does not smoke near you however if you don’t like that, he’s not that bad of an asshole.

[marionthegeek]

Stede is in the Gravy Basket, Izzy is Alive

The season 2 finale of Our Flag Means Death is odd.  It hits weird. I think I know why. And this is going to sound bananas, but give me a chance to explain.  Maybe you’ll agree.

It has a huge tonal shift. It seems to speedrun Stede and Ed’s romance. It feels like we’ve missed out on something from the end of episode 7.  The fight scenes and pirate plans are nonsensical, even for OFMD. And most egregiously, a prominent character is killed off in a way that feels disingenuous to his story arc, just for starters.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.  We need to go back to the beginning of season 2.  The season opens with Stede looking more piratey than ever. Beard, sash, earring… oh he’s his own fantasy of a real proper pirate.  He’s clashing swords with Izzy Hands and demanding to know where Ed is. He’s dreaming. In the dream he kills Izzy. He and Ed run into each other’s arms while screaming each other’s names. They crash into the surf. Ed says “I knew you’d find me, Babe.  I knew you’d find me, Love.” Stede keeps asking if they’re good. Ed dodges the question. Then Ed asked about the smell. Stede wakes up in a crowded room with farting and shushing roommates.

At first I thought the finale was supposed to be just a “satisfying” mirror to Stede’s dream. Stede and Ed call each other’s names and run into each other’s arms in a display that resembles a more grown up version of Stede’s dream fantasy. There’s some wild sword fighting not unlike Stede’s dream duel with Izzy. And Izzy dies.

It does mirror, but I didn’t find it satisfying. All of the characters except Stede feel flattened. Stede gets to make the heroic plan (that we never even hear) while there’s at least five pirates with better skill sets for it in the room. Ed, as Blackbeard, was described last season as “History’s greatest tactician”; Zheng Yi Sao conquered China; Jackie just took out a room full of British soldiers. Izzy and Auntie are right there. You could make arguments that Jim or Frenchie, or pretty much anyone could make a better plan. Then Stede says “It’s only suicide if we die,” which is horrible considering the plan gets Izzy killed.

Stede’s really the only person in that room who thinks Stede should be making the plans.  So I got to thinking, what if it's not just mirroring the dream? What if it is a dream? Last shot of episode 7 is an incoming cannonball. Maybe he’s unconscious.

Huge shout out to @Arty_Sunflowers on twitter (I’m not calling it X, fuck Musk) for pointing out that that isn’t the only episode that ends with a cannonball. Episode 2 ends with Jim swinging a cannonball down at Ed’s head.  Stede’s not just dreaming, he’s in the Gravy Basket!!!! (Stede even screams “Oh my God!” at the end of episode 7 in the same tone he screams “Oh my God, I don’t want to die.” in s1e9.

Stede’s hopes, dreams, and insecurities shape everything in the finale. And it helps explain the absurdities in the episode when you remember that Stede is living out pulp adventure and romance novels in his head. (He even looks like someone on the cover of one in his episode 1 dream.) But Stede can’t be dead, you say. He’s literally the main character. Well, Ed was dead for a whole episode. Let’s take a closer look.

I could and probably will do another essay on Lucius as a POV character and Ed’s mental health and how the threads they seemed to have dropped aren’t as dropped as they appear. But all of that hinges on me proving the Stede is in the Gravy Basket theory. So for this essay I’m focusing on that.

So for starters we’ve got the cannonball scenes. They’re eerily similar even if the method of cannonball propulsion is different. We don’t know Ed is dead and in the Gravy Basket for about half of episode 3. Neither does he. It makes logical sense you can be there without realizing it for a while. Buttons even said Ed didn’t know whether he was in the Gravy Basket or not in episode 4. It definitely messes with your reality.

One of Ed’s issues is self hate. He manifests Hornigold as his companion. Stede is desperate to be a good pirate and have people be proud of him. And he lives in his fantasies a lot.  So his dream shapes his experience. There’s a whole bit about Zheng needing “soft” and Auntie saying she’s proud of her. That isn’t their issue. It’s discordant with the show previously. But it is Stede’s issue. He’s manifesting.

When we first see Stede and Zheng in episode 8, they’re in a familiar spot for Stede, the bridge from episode 1. But why are they alone? When we last see Stede and Zheng in episode 7, several characters are within 5 to 10 feet of them. Did none of them decide to escape with Stede? Izzy, Lucius,  and Jim are closest. But we know Pete was there begging Stede to stay down during his fight with Zheng. Archie was definitely in the bar. That's why Jim entered the fight. So why is it only Stede and Zheng at the bridge? Because, going back to rescue others fits into Stede's hero fantasies. 

Zheng and Stede also argue about who pulled who to safety and how they got there. Stede waxes poetic about being a failure his whole life, but things always seem to work out for him. He’s such a main character mediocre white guy in this scene. He saves Zheng from two random soldiers, then she has to save him from them. Then they fight a bunch more soldiers on the beach until Blackbeard manifests in full leather from the ocean.  It looks cool. But it's absurd, even for OFMD.

Speaking of Ed, he begins the episode waxing poetic about nature and calling fishermen simple.  Those things are more Stede than Ed. Pop pop tells Ed, “You have no skills” which is something Izzy said to Stede in episode 5.  He also tells Ed, “If you were ever good at something, go do that, you bum.” If Stede’s insecurities could be distilled into one sentence, it would probably be that. (He also talks about being like a wave. I’m not 100% sure it's a The Good Place joke, but it would be thematically appropriate.)

Pop pop also tells Ed he “ruined dinner.”  Back in season 1, in Stede’s flashbacks to life with Mary and the kids, Stede thinks he’s ruined dinner. But remember, we also see another version of the scene where Stede is laughing with Mary and the kids.  Stede isn’t exactly a reliable narrator. Even in his own head.

Despite it being beyond unlikely, Ed finds soldiers reading one of Stede’s letters. I know physics in this show is sketchy, but this seems like a good time to point out no one found the red silk. Stede wants Ed to read a letter and for it to fix everything between them. The letter, plus Stede being in danger, make Ed swim out, find his leathers, and emerge from the sea with them on, while the music is the Swede’s solo from Stede’s fuckery in s1e6. Stede wants to be rescued by his handsome pirate in leather, again, just like a pulp adventure romance novel. Little chance of Ed swimming out and finding his kit.  Even less of him getting leather pants on under the water.

Back to the beach… for some reason two squads of soldiers are wandering around out on an empty beach. A visually incredible fight scene occurs. It honestly reminds me of Pete’s story in s1e2, including flips. Ed and Stede yell each other’s names exactly as in the dream. Like I’m pretty sure they used the same audio track. The same song (I Love My Baby, Nina Simone) starts playing. Ed says “I love you.” Stede says “I know.” (We’ll come back to the Han Solo joke in a minute.) They have a bit more absurd fighting then Ed, Stede, and Zheng sit on the beach complimenting each other. And Ed calls Stede “babe”.  He’s never done that outside of Stede’s dream and this moment. He’s called him mate a couple of times.  Babe is exclusively in Stede’s head.

Back in the Republic of Pirates, the crew are locked in a cell that is actually the “vista suite” at Spanish Jackie’s.  Izzy gets a heroic entrance. It’s as cool as Stede thinks Izzy is. And he gives a speech that sounds like what he probably told Stede to get him to relinquish the suit in episode 5. Piracy is about belonging to something. You can’t ignore the wishes of the crew.  Izzy also knows details about Captain Kidd and Pinocchio. Not impossible, but not exactly Izzy’s wheelhouse. It is Stede’s though. He’s obsessed with pirate tales and he read Pinocchio to the crew.

Stede, Ed, and Zheng show up just as Jackie has poisoned a bunch of soldiers. Stede makes a plan, despite everyone else being more qualified. Everyone disguises themselves as soldiers. Now we’ve seen the crew of the Revenge wear disguises. They never do the weird free styling they do here. Only Stede actually looks like a British officer. Zheng at least wears the disguise properly. Suddenly Ed has a multi gun bandolier like Blackbeard in the books. Pete ripped the arms off. Izzy is still wearing his vest. Doesn’t make sense if we’re going for stealth. Neither does not checking hostage Ricky for weapons or putting Izzy and his wooden leg at the front of the group.

If I'm right, Stede wouldn't know Ricky was behind the explosions. However,  Ricky is basically evil Stede. He's Stede's perfect foil. All of this is reflecting Stede's psyche. So, of course, it's Ricky.

Izzy gets shot and says quite a lot of nonsense in his death scene. “They love you, Ed.” Um, 3 of them were going to leave like five minutes ago. Ed has made some progress with the crew, but we’re not at “they love you Ed”.  The only person who thinks the crew loves Ed is Stede. Stede who weeps for Izzy while most of the crew aren’t showing much emotion. Stede can barely deal with his own big feelings. His fantasy doesn’t give the crew room to have them. Also, given the rest of the season, having Jim just let Ed be the person cradling Izzy doesn’t fit. The crew is also pretty stony at Izzy’s funeral.

I feel like it should be noted the last shot of Izzy in episode 7, he’s got one are around Jim and a hand on Lucius’s shoulder. He sat in Wee John’s lap in episode 6. Reactions to his death don’t make sense.

Also, Izzy’s terrible grave marker is very … Stede. He’d think it was a brilliant idea.

I didn't understand at first why Izzy had to die, even in Stede's dream world. Stede clearly likes him a lot better now. Why kill him? Well, it's because we're supposed to think Buttons is there to go to the Gravy Basket for Izzy. When actually he's already arrived in the Gravy Basket and he's there for Stede. Also, mentors die in pulp adventure novels. Stede sees Izzy as a mentor.

They go aboard the Revenge for Lucius and Pete’s wedding. It’s cute that the crew performs the ceremony, but I’d venture a guess that’s because Stede doesn’t know a captain should do it if it's legally binding. Stede does love the romance of it all.  The sudden uptick in monogamy is also very Stede. He barely understands monogamous relationships. Polyamory is beyond him.

Then Stede and Ed, who earlier told Zheng they’d help hunt Ricky, go back to the island where Izzy is buried to start an inn in a run down shack.  Stede knows Ed wants to do this because Ed told the (Taika’s) kids that they ran an inn.  We hear Ed ask “Jesus, what is that smell?” Now, at first, I thought Izzy, because Ed “knows the smell of my rotting first mate”. But what was the last thing to happen in Stede’s dream? A fart joke.

Last scene is Buttons landing on Izzy’s grave. To retrieve Izzy from the Gravy Basket? No, Izzy’s not dead. He’s with Jim and Lucius, probably watching over Stede’s corpse. Buttons is there to retrieve Stede.

This theory fixes the plot holes and dropped threads problem. We’re coming back to them next season. Ed's amends making should be far from over. And we see several moments during the season where he acknowledged that. And yet here on the island they've set up a horror movie and called it a happy ending.  Well, Stede is the type of boss who thinks things are fixed with a pizza (Calypso) party. In Stede's mind, this is a happy ending.  But really Ed is still off finding himself,  Stede is (temporarily) dead, and Izzy (who is not dead!) is probably guarding Stede's corpse.

They haven't resolved the domestic violence thread, but they haven't dropped it, either. Izzy is alive. Stede and Ed aren't together (yet). There's still time.

This also explains some of the freewheeling nonsense David Jenkins has been spouting in articles. Ed doesn’t see Izzy as a father figure and mentor, Stede does.  Stede almost turned to mush when Izzy approved of him. And David is writing a three volume adventure novel. Han Solo (Stede) is in carbonate (the Gravy Basket). The perfect end to the second act. See, I told you we’d get back to the Han Solo joke.

I still have problems with the season.  I really think they need a sensitivity reader. Even just implying a newly disabled character was fridged is certainly a choice. Especially given the amount of time devoted to how the character handled the disability. The DV scenes were brutal, as well as the suicide attempt, and the Human Puppet joke. I think they need someone trauma informed and disabled in the writer's room. (David Jenkins hit me up!)

Overall, I liked season 2. Especially once I realized Izzy wasn't dead. I'm looking forward to season 3, the conclusion of the Gentle Beard arc, and hopefully 6 seasons and a movie of Izzy (to be clear, he's not captain) and the kids sailing up and down the coast being gay and doing crimes, occasionally checking in with Stede and Ed.

Seriously, David, call me.

Historical Note: IRL Blackbeard died on November 22, 1718, killed in a naval battle off Ocracoke Island in North Carolina. IRL Stede Bonnet died December 10, 1718, hanged in Charles Town, South Carolina for piracy.  IRL Israel “Izzy” Hands survives piracy, death date unknown. I know this show doesn’t actually care about historical accuracy, but this lends a little support for my Ed died, then Stede died, and Izzy isn’t dead theory.

[ohimsummer]

omg so. idk if you keep getting these ads all over snapchat and stuff like i have, but i keep seeing those ads for these lil thongs that have ur man’s name along the back. and every time i see them, my FIRST thought is imagine wearing those for satoru or suguru lmao

— minors dni, geto x afab! reader, pet names (sugar, darling), light degradation, suguru possession kink going brrrr, mentions of biting/marking/creampie, established relationship :3

⭑ ࣪ ˖ sum’z notes.ᐟ i went w/ suguru bc i like writing about speedrunning through breaking that man’s composure 🤭 and also satoru’s was sounding repetitive but I think HE’D buy them for you to begin with😭

“darling, have you seen my–“

the question is a dying ember in suguru’s throat, and his silence prompts your curious gaze at him through the reflection. you’re tilted over his bathroom sink to get a closer look at yourself in the mirror, finishing up your nightly routine.

“seen your what, sugar?”

your boyfriend doesn’t answer the question. instead he eyes the bottom of your ass that peeks out from beneath your (his) shirt. surely you haven’t been prancing your pretty self around his apartment in just a shirt?

his hand approaches the hem of the top. “uhm, what are you–“ and you squeak out an ‘oop!’ as geto lifts the fabric to expose your behind. a huff seeps from your lips, faux annoyance as you massage face wash into your cheeks. “jeez, babe, at least take me to dinner, first.”

after getting no response, you prod at him further. “okay, suguru, i know the view back there is amazing but for real, what did you come in here for again?” still no answer. you pout at him through the mirror, though geto never sees your expression as his eyes are tangled in the words branded on your underwear.

‘why are you wearing these?’

‘where did you get them?’

‘you’re teasing me with this, aren’t you?’

all questions that die on his tongue, because how could he possibly get his thoughts together with all this blood rushing to the wrong head?

“oh, do you like my new thong? ordered it online, just for you.”

and god, you and that playful taunt, wiggling your ass as you giggle so nonchalantly. like this sexy little thong with suguru’s name on the band isn’t sending all his composure straight out the window. fist balled up in the t-shirt, it’s taking everything in him not to rip these damned panties off you. no, no, he needed them perfect and intact for the pictures he wanted to take later, after he’s done stuffing your slutty ass with cock and cum and painting your pussy white.

“you do these things just to get a rise out of me, don’t you?” geto finally sighs, pulling at the thin excuse for underwear right where his title resides; he tugs it back, gets a good eyeful of his name and it almost makes his brain go haywire. it elicits the same feeling as when he sees day-old hickeys on your neck—a ‘she’s mine’ so everyone knows the most gorgeous girl in the world is already spoken for. geto loves showing off that you’re his in all kinds of ways: you in his clothes, with his teeth indentations on your body, or bruises from his lips, hands clutching at your hips or an arm around your waist.

“suguru,” you set down your towel, face fully dry and you back up to press yourself against his front. “i’ve no idea what you’re on about.” your giggles and the knowing grin on your face say otherwise. “but i’m assuming you do like them, yeah? it’s like our own little secret.” and you grind your ass against the growing bulge in his pants, just a little something to send his heart racing even faster.

and, oh, he likes them alright. anything that says you’re his and suguru’s down for it. and if that includes having his cum drooling from every hole in your body, so be it.

tagz: @anthoosies

[catscidr]

// genshin characters as lethal company players //

cw: none! just silly headcanons. 100% crack includes: kaveh, kazuha, columbina, kirara, kaeya, cyno, ayato, wanderer, xiangling, xingqiu, mika, layla, nilou, chongyun, thoma, childe, itto, dehya, dottore, albedo, lyney, bennett, ganyu, venti, furina, zhongli, neuvillette, candace, collei, arlecchino (that's a lot) a/n: this was a shower thought after watching the sumeru cast play the game agfsghjs

knows everything about the game ↳ kaveh, kazuha, columbina, kirara, kaeya

⇢ already has a “boss” pin on their in-game uniform when you play together for the first time ⇢ is the one that chooses which moons you guys go to. also buys all the resources (flashlights, walkie-talkies etcetc) bc they don't trust anyone else to do it ⇢ could probably speedrun the game if they wanted to, they have like every map memorized ⇢ if they die you’re ALL fucked. good luck ⇢ always brings back the dead bodies no matter what (says it’s for the quota but actually just feels bad leaving you guys there)

mostly there for the laughs but is maybe surprisingly pretty good at the game ↳ cyno, ayato, wanderer, xiangling, xingqiu

⇢ don’t let them find the airhorn/clown horn unless you want them to destroy your eardrums ⇢ somehow Always encounters monsters. but they get out alive (most of the time) ⇢ has died to quicksand and gotten clowned for it in the vc with other dead people in it ⇢ when you go sell items on the last day they ring the bell repeatedly to provoke The Worm to make everyone panic ⇢ scares you on purpose. may or may not have gotten themselves killed by you beating them to a pulp because you got jumpscared by them one too many times

always on edge, even before the game starts ↳ mika, layla, nilou, chongyun, thoma

⇢ gets the “most paranoid employee” note when you all come back from a moon ⇢ most likely to sacrifice themselves (to finally catch a break) ⇢ screams a lot. has gotten eaten by eyeless dogs more times than u could count ⇢ sticks with you so they’re less scared (but their paranoid Vibe just makes you scared too) ⇢ the one that dies first or is the last one standing. either way they're stressed and can't think properly

your personal guard dog ↳ childe, itto, dehya, dottore, albedo

⇢ “strength in numbers!” they say right before a thumper mauls the shit out of them ⇢ designated enemy killer. carries around a weapon to smack them with it (their weapon of choice is a yield sign) ⇢ has saved you from a snare flea stuck to your head multiple times (always expects a “thank you”. they bonk you if you don’t say it) ⇢ walks in front of you to scope out danger ⇢ also sometimes very tempted to beat you with their weapon just to fuck with you (dottore finishes the job)

the lost puppy ↳ lyney, bennett, ganyu, venti, furina

⇢ gets “laziest employee” every single time because they never find any scrap to bring back to the ship ⇢ has an awful sense of direction in the game and somehow loses sight of you even when you're exploring the moon together ⇢ gets grounded by your group and is tasked to guide people in the facility through the cams with their walkie talkie ⇢ their inventory is always full but only with useful items like a pro flashlight, a walkie talkie and a ladder ⇢ speaking of ladders, they've accidentally fallen in a hole multiple times and that's why they always need a ladder on them. to get themselves out.

bonus: watches you play! ↳ zhongli, neuvillette, candace, collei, arlecchino

⇢ watches the game either very invested or very confused ⇢ may or may not backseat without realizing it ⇢ contributes to the bits (not on purpose: zhongli, neuvi. on purpose: candace, collei, arle)

[the-named-anon]

Dungeon meshi x Minecraft thoughts

(Assuming it’s a modern au and everyone knows how to use a computer…)

Laios

Laios would get the achievement for eating everything edible without even trying. Loves exploring caves, but often falls to his death because he forgets there’s fall damage.

Is trying to speedrun to the dragon, but dies so often it’s pointless… (dude. You’ve lost so much diamond armor Chilchuck isn’t going to give you any.)

He lives in a dirt hut until Marcille or Falin build him a better one

Wants everyone to live nearby, and eventually everyone does

Had a self-made skin, but it looked horrible so Falin made him one

HOARD of dogs. Used to be individually named, but then after the fourth (Name) fell to their death/burned in lava/shot by skeleton, he collectively calls them buddy

Tried to have hardcore worlds, died within the first hour on each.

Is part of a separate server with loads and loads of monster mods (run by someone called LordOfTheDungeon, who made most of the mods)

Gamer tag is xXMonsterSlayerXx

Falin

Is the dragon /j

Master of potion creation, figures them all out very easily.

Lives in a pretty build that her and Marcille built. (And they were roommates 😳)

Is the supplier of ores for the group, is decked out in pretty trimmed diamond armor (enchants courtesy of Chilchuck)

Practically made all the skins that the party uses, based on how they actually look

Has a big farm of animals (is trying to get two of each passive mob in there… tropical fish are the only thing she’s missing, and she has a in-game book to keep track of which ones she has)

Yes, she does have a strider, skeleton horse, and a sniffer.

Has named all her animals, and has a strict “no weapons on the hotbar” when people visit.

Has a separate hardcore world that she’s sunk hours into.

And is part of two other servers, a cosy animal filled cottage core server and another one she won’t tell anyone about

Gamer tag is FlowerFalin

Marcille

Tried desperately to learn potions, but also doesn’t want to step on Falin’s toes…

Is the builder of the group, grows the biggest trees she can. Master of bonemeal.

Went out of her way to grab two mooshrooms for Falin (one red, one brown) under the guise of “I needed mycelium anyways”

Wants to get all of the achievements, but also refuses to eat rotten flesh or poisonous potatoes

Named her sword “Ambrosia two” (and then “Ambrosia 3”, “Ambrosia 4”… she doesn’t loose/break Ambrosia four)

Uses potion tipped arrows. (Realized too late that she probably should’ve named her bow Ambrosia, since its usage with the potion tipped arrows is more similar to her real Ambrosia.)

Falin made her skin based on Uriale

Also plays on a server that has a mod for The Daltian Clan

Gamer tag is UrialeOfDaltian

Chilchuck

Under his quaint little house is a MASSIVE villager trading hall. Has every trade imaginable, at the lowest cost it can be. Lets “no one” in there (Laios has a bad habit of accidentally hitting villagers… and was banned before it was made)

Has the best enchants, and actually successfully speedran to the dragon. (First to have an elytra, and HOARDS shulker boxes. Wants the other party members to pay him for them.)

Has lots of beacons, and has unlocked all the end teleporters… (wither sounds are common on the server)

Most skilled at the game (dad of three girls… what did you expect? (Gamer girl-dad))

His girls made him his skin. (Big anime eyes, but everything else is akin to him) ((begrudgingly uses it))

Has a separate server with his girls, that they modded (custom biomes, more enchant options, fun tools and weapons)

Gamer tag is ChillsChuck

Senshi

Makes food. Only wants to make food… big farm of meat animals, and actual crops.

Is disappointed that there isn’t more monster-based food in the game. (What do you mean you can’t eat enderpearls? Why don’t more mobs drop meat?)

Ate rotten flesh once, and then decided against it. (It’s too bad you can’t use it to make food. This game is seriously lacking culinary options.)

Prefers to play modded, with loads and loads of food options. (The party server is straight vanilla, so he’s part of another one where he’s more active on… modded with food.)

Is confused why they’d think he’d be interested in mining… he makes food irl?? (Can’t differentiate any stones. Even though they’re different colors)

House was made by Marcille, skin by Fallin. (Previously default Steve skin)

Has a horse named Anne (really crappy… like, he tamed the first horse that looked like her so it’s only slightly faster than running and can barely clear a two block jump)

Gamer tag is ChefSenshi402

Izutsumi

Falin made her skin a cat girl (previously one of the default skins (can’t remember any of the other ones, but not Alex or Steve))

Doesn’t really understand Minecraft, or why people want to play it.

Has a hoard of cats, but only the tuxedo ones. (Because they look like her)

Master of the horse-stats trade, and has had luck with llamas.

(Sorry… I don’t have many ideas for her because I’m not at the part of the show where she’s at)

Gamer tag is Izutsumi1 (Izutsumi was taken for some reason)

Bonus:

Thistle

Moderator and owner of the monster-filled server.

Made 90% of the mods in the server, the only mods he didn’t make are the mods he uses to have his mods to work (like geckolib)

Has two accounts, LordOfTheDungeon, and ThistleThorn

Uses LordOfTheDungeon as his moderator one, and ThistleThorn is for the cosy cottagecore server he’s in.

Had a raffle for the players with the longest time in-server to come up with a monster for him to implement

Laios won, and it’s taken Thistle a while to make his “Ultimate Strongest Monster.” (Multiple heads and attacks are time consuming.)

Falin is also a moderator on his server, with a fake gamer tag of “Chimera” (Laios doesn’t know that, but she thinks it’s fun to watch the custom mobs roam around.) Has a custom game mode where the monsters don’t attack her, so she can make a little sanctuary for her favorites. (Also uses a different skin for the server, per the request of Thistle)

There’s an unknown person who’s a moderator that’s skin is lion-like, who’s gamer tag is “BeastWishes”

[redwinterroses]

(part one) (part two)

Eureka was silent and mostly dark when they arrived, the only light shining dimly from torches placed around the buildings to keep mobs at bay. It was almost as small as Oakville, but there was at least a saloon, and what looked like a proper general store. 

Tango led the way to the saloon door, which opened—unlocked—under his hand. 

“Trusting,” Jimmy muttered.

“Rural,” Tango corrected, pushing the door inward and stepping inside. The floor creaked loudly under his feet. “Everybody knows everybody—and thieves don’t stick around long.”

The saloon was empty, but a single lantern burned on the bartop, shedding just enough light on the room that they didn’t trip over the rough, three-legged stools around the tables.

Tango closed the door behind Jimmy and nodded at the back wall. “It’s no hub hotel,” he said, keeping his voice low. “But there’s no creepers. We can sleep here for the night and take it up with Cubby in the morning.”

Jimmy looked at the hard wooden floor and thought longingly of the thin mattress in his train cabin. 

“I hate the frontier,” he said, pulling off his jacket and folding it into a rough pillow. “This city boy isn't made for roughing it.”

“Well, lucky for you: we won't have to.” Tango hopped up onto the bar and swung his legs around, slipping back off into the area behind the counter. “First rule of business: drinks.”

“We can’t steal—”

“I’m not stealin’ anything,” Tango said, scorn sharpening his whisper. He set a thick glass bottle on the counter. “It’s an understanding out here: water is for anyone who needs it.”

At the thought of water, Jimmy became suddenly aware of how dry his throat was. 

“Anyway,” Tango said, pouring them each a tumbler full of clear water, “I’m pretty sure Cub has his own rain basin by now, so it’s not like we’d be putting him out much.”

They drank the water—and second and third glasses—gratefully, and then Tango set everything to the side and said. “Right. And now, for beds.”

“Mine’s back on the train,” Jimmy said with regret. “I can’t believe I didn’t think to grab my satchel.”

“Not to worry, my friend.” Like a showman reaching for his next trick, Tango crouched under the bar, and his voice was muffled when he said, “Ol’ Cub has one rule he follows like a religion, and it's this—”

Jimmy heard the telltale sound of an ender chest unsealing. 

“An ender chest?” He leaned over the bar in awe. 

Tango looked up at him, a dim purple glow lighting his face from below. 

“Yes sir, yes sir—” Tango held the lid open and gestured toward the void-dark opening, the violet swirls of magic twirling through his fingers. “If you don't have a bedroll in yours, I've probably got some extra blankets somewhere.”

“No, no—I know I’ve got one packed away somewhere.” Jimmy had never owned an ender chest of his own—the materials were incredibly expensive in the spawn regions, and the silk touch required to maintain them was almost as bad. But he’d stopped by one of the public banks before leaving home and stowed away some of his belongings, on the assumption that someone out in the new generation would have access. 

This chest looked handmade, a little lopsided and patchwork, with plain iron fittings where every one he’d ever seen had been gold, and the obsidian casing was knapped roughly. But it seemed to work just fine as Tango slipped his hand into the oily dark and pulled out a sturdy bedroll. 

“Your turn,” he said, stepping back but holding the lid of the ender chest open for Jimmy, who hesitated. 

“And this Cub person—he won’t mind?”

“Nah. Worst case scenario, he makes fun of me for not bringing my own. Best case scenario, he’s got extras stashed away somewhere he wouldn’t mind partin’ with.”

Extra ender chests. Jimmy was boggled. Tango must have seen the look on his face, because he laughed a little and said, “Cub’s a pro. Used to speedrun in new generation up until a few years back. Man can hunt blaze like you and I hunt taters in a tater patch.”

Shaking his head, Jimmy reached into the icy darkness of the ender chest, feeling around the edges of his stowed items until he found the leather straps of his extra bedroll. He pulled it out, and then slipped his hand back in again. 

“It’s not whiskey,” he said, withdrawing a small cloth pouch. “But how do you feel about candied sweetberries?”

Tango’s eyebrows shot up and he grinned. “I certainly wouldn’t say no.”

They set up their bedrolls in the corner of the barroom, Jimmy purposefully placing his nearer to the door. He kicked off his boots, but placed them near to hand before untying the drawstring of the pouch and proffering it to Tango. The sweetberries—still chilled from their storage in the void-space of the ender chest—had been dried and dusted with sugar, and left sticky residue on whatever they touched. But they were a welcome bit of normalcy to Jimmy… they tasted like home. 

Tango took a couple and popped them into his mouth, closing his eyes at the rush of flavor. “Oh, that’s good,” he said. He pushed his hat off his head and let it fall behind him, his ginger hair spiking in all directions. “Thanks kindly.”

The room was dark as they settled in to sleep, and Jimmy found himself staring at the windows: slightly paler squares against the midnight darkness. Orange torchlight flickered faintly under the door, but not enough to illuminate anything.

He waited until he heard Tango’s breathing deepen and even out. Then, as silently as he could, he slipped his boots back on.

And… he sat, staring at the door and trying to muster up the energy to leave.

Tango seemed a decent sort. Even the type of person Jimmy could see himself becoming friends with, in a different world. He didn’t deserve the fate that came with befriending James Solidarity. Jimmy needed to get away before the curse really latched on.

…But surely an hour or two of sleep wouldn’t hurt. He was so exhausted he felt like his eyes were scraping sandpaper every time he blinked. If he could just nap for a little while, he could still slip out before Tango woke in the morning.

Reluctantly—knowing it was a stupid move and yet unable to bring his leaden limbs to do otherwise—Jimmy lay back down on the bedroll. 

Just a bit of sleep, he thought. The pouch of sweetberries slipped from his fingers and fell to rest on the floor between him and the door.

And Jimmy slept.

[celestiamour]

‧₊˚✧ ❛[ silly block game ]❜

ft. lucy pevensie, edmund pevensie, susan pevensie, peter pevensie (seperate) x gn! reader — the chronicles of narnia

╰₊✧ playing minecraft with the pevensie siblings┊1.5k words

setting: modern au, no mentions of narnia contains: fluff & crack, modern alternate universe, they are children in the image but ages are unspecified (so it could be romantic or platonic), mentions of in-game player & pet deaths,

➤ author's note: i had a dream that peter died in my arms while we were playing minecraft and decided to write cute headcanons when i woke up like a loser

━━━ .°˖✧ lucy pevensie ˚₊ ⊹

╰₊✧ favorite biome - cherry grove, favorite mob - frogs, favorite flower - lily of the valley, favorite wood - birch, favorite block - moss

╰₊✧ she takes her time when it comes to completing the game and may take forever to get to the end dimension, prefering to play on peaceful mode so that she can focus on exploring and creating with keep inventory on since she doesn’t want to stress out about playing, enjoying everything it has to offer and will continuously pause on making progress to admire the scenery (but sometimes she turns it on easy mode to give her a little challenge when caving). oddly enough, even if the difficulty was on hard mode, she never seems to encounter any hostile mobs and they all decide to attack you instead while mining. it’s not an uncommon occurrence for her to tell you that she found her eighth patch of diamonds only for you to scream in response because you found a zombie spawner. she’ll manage to make it out of a pillager outpost without losing so much as half a heart while you’re looking like a pincushion, how does she do it?

╰₊✧ more of a farmer player who is mesmerized by all the different types of flowers and will have a goal of harvesting all of them to make colorful fields that stretch on for longer than your render distance will allow you to see. she’s most excited about updates that have new plants, wood types, and animals, keeping pets of all kinds even if they aren’t meant to be domesticated! her base is practically a zoo and is always full of life just like she is, yet it still naturally blends in with the area so well that it seems naturally generated at first glance. on a creepier note, the more hidden areas might have a skull or two placed to fit an overgrown and abandoned aesthetic, but at least it’s pretty with all of the spore blossoms!

╰₊✧ lucy hates villager trading farms with a passion, finding them too inhumane despite the fact that the villagers are npcs without sentience of any sort. it breaks her heart to see them in such cramped living conditions whose only purpose is for trade, so she’ll work on freeing them while you’re offline. she’ll spend hours upon hours gathering materials in secret to build a nicer village than the one they formally resided in before dismantling your system, with a good amount of iron golems to protect them from hostile mobs since she didn’t want to restrict them by building a fence or walls. (don’t worry, all of them are named and she’s kept a book on all of their trades so that you can keep track! the hard part is only tracking them down, but the big village is a thousand times better than the ugly trading hall you had before).

━━━ .°˖✧ edmund pevensie ˚₊ ⊹

╰₊✧ favorite biome - ice spikes, favorite mob - horses, favorite flower - torchflower, favorite wood - dark oak, favorite block - prismarine

╰₊✧ he enjoys speedrunning, the only thing standing between him and being on the leaderboard is minor slip-ups that cost the entire game. he tends to get too cocky, especially once he’s gathered all he needed from the nether fortress and prematurely celebrates before a blaze knocks him off the edge, so you bet that you’re going to hear him come up with the most creative insults you would ever hear over the discord call (not including swears because he will be scolded for his language by someone in his house). his best record of beating the game is around forty minutes, nothing to gawk at, but something that he’s very proud of after all of his practice.

╰₊✧ if it’s not a world dedicated to that, where he doesn’t need to build a base, then he’ll place down all of the essentials and call it a day without a roof over his head. it’s not like he can actually get wet from the rain or sunburn from the sun, so he doesn’t bother and just lives like that until you persuade him to at least dig out a hole in a mountain to keep away from night-time mobs and expand whenever needed. his scattered chests are a mess, by the way, you can’t find anything while he just spam clicks and glazes over the screen to find something in his strange little system. he insists that he knows where everything is and that organization isn’t needed.

╰₊✧ also a total prankster, but will never blow up builds or destroy anything of yours because he knows how much time you put into it for a minute of amusement. he likes watching where you log out and trapping you in that spot with obsidian, something that you can easily get out of with a pick but is still annoying enough for him to get a kick out of it. once he wasn’t sure where the exact spot was, so he spent an entire real-life night meticulously encasing the area in glass and then flooding every block of air with water. he wondered multiple times if the effort was worth it in the process, but he cried tears of laughter when you couldn’t get out at all since you drowned before you could break the glass and then swim out. it was an endless cycle of “died by drowning” until you offered him a chest of iron blocks for your freedom.

━━━ .°˖✧ susan pevensie ˚₊ ⊹

╰₊✧ favorite biome - mountains, favorite mob - foxes, favorite flower - rose bushes, favorite wood - mangrove, favorite block - quartz

╰₊✧ has mixed feelings on redstone, something that makes so much yet so little sense. it’s something that she likes to think that she mastered quickly, but you can always hear her muttering under her breath about how an entire contraption broke because of something dumb like the repeater being a tick off. she always covers up these machines with big, elaborate builds in a unique gothic style that you’ve only seen from her— although most of these builds are hollow since she doesn’t know how to design the interior, leaving entire towns empty until she lets you fill them up with various shops and villagers to make it feel more lived-in.

╰₊✧ refuses to throw anything away and maybe has a bit of a hoarding tendency, you cannot convince her to toss so much as a rotten potato into the lava because she “might need it in the future” even though it’s the most worthless item in the game. her storage system is immense and conscientiously organized with item frames and color signs while practically overflowing, but she has copious amounts of everything and is very generous when it comes to sharing as long as you ask beforehand! (as a result, her least favorite mobs are creepers because she needs to sort out the damaged chests before everything disappears, a complete nightmare)

╰₊✧ has god-like accuracy with any projectiles and has mending on her bow because she hates how expensive it is to get a new one with maxed-out enchantments and argues about how it’s so much better than infinity once she made the switch. you need an inventory slot with at least one arrow anyway, so why can’t you just have the full stack when you can always pick up more by killing skeletons? it may be a bit pretentious of her, but she might mock you that you just have a skill issue when she sees you being a bad shot before giving you some tips on how to improve.

━━━ .°˖✧ peter pevensie ˚₊ ⊹

╰₊✧ favorite biome - fields, favorite mob - dogs/wolves, favorite flower - oxeye daisy, favorite wood - spruce, favorite block - diamond ore

╰₊✧ from “the sky’s the limit” to “whatever floats your goat,” the game isn’t done until he’s gotten all of the achievements no matter how stupid they may be! he’s pretty serious about completing, but once he’s finished, you can see him start goofing off and being more ridiculous. unlike his brother who plays the pranks, he tends to be the victim of them and can’t get revenge at all because his traps are a bit obvious (lucy always helps him out in that department). on the other hand, he’s great at pvp and fighting mobs, best with a sword, and likes to start raids to fight for fun with the “hero of the village” effect being a massive ego boost as well.

╰₊✧ his builds are pretty boring and cramped since he never upgrades it as needed, his house is really just a box made out of planks from the surrounding area. he didn’t think that you could create anything pleasing to the eye in a game where everything is made from cubes, so you’ll need to open his eyes to the fact that he can construct whatever he wants and how the only limit is his creativity. he won’t advance any further than using two different types of woods and including cobblestone, it simply isn’t his strong suit and he would much rather spend his time exploring and slaying his enemies instead.

╰₊✧ he has so many dogs, it’s not even funny, you need to turn down the volume for passive mobs whenever you’re at his base because they are barking nonstop. it’s not intentional either, he just somehow constantly forgets that feeding them makes them breed and can’t ever resist not giving them some steak when they tilt their heads at him. he gave up on naming all of them since he didn’t have enough tags and dying all of their collars after building a separate home for them, but the original ones that he tamed in the wild remain in his bedroom. despite the number of dogs, he refuses to take any of them on adventures with them because he will cry when unnamed number two hundred-something dies after sniffing lava and holds a funeral with a proper burial place.

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Drabble-A-Thon Prompt 1

Pairing: Shigadabi

Rating: Mature

Prompt: Tomura's reaction to getting genital piercings for the first time and the conversation that led to it.

Contents: Mentions of sex, non-graphic descriptions of piercings

Dabi breathes out a huff of smoke, his body steaming from the sweat that has dripped across both of their skin, the aftershocks of his pleasure still ebbing away as Tomura pulls out from between his legs and lays down beside him. He's still dying of heat, but he doesn't really care much, immediately turning so that he can curl right into Duster's side, his lover ready for him, and pulling him closer so that he can press a kiss to his forehead. 

It's rare they have sex without a scene, but the sudden break from their obligations this afternoon prompted the spontaneity. "Not bad for a speedrun," Tomura murmurs against his hair. 

"Mm," Dabi agrees, all of the tension throughout the week having been thoroughly drained from his body. "Top three for sure." 

"With me or in general?" 

He can't help but tease him a little. "In general." 

"And why am I not in first place? You know I don't have a problem grinding to get a high score." If he were anyone else, if Dabi didn't know Tomura so well, he would have probably told him it was pathetic for him to get jealous like that. But Tomura isn't jealous, he's curious, and he means it when he says he'd put in the work to be the best partner Dabi can have in bed-- like he isn't already. 

He tilts his head up and kisses along and under his jaw, "Don't know how you feel about modding, but accessories like mine really do make all the difference."

"Okay, do you want a ladder like yours or something else? A Prince Albert?" 

Dabi blinks. "What?" 

Tomura looks down at him, amusement clear across his features. "Did you really think I would say no to getting a few piercings when I'm already changing my entire genetic composition to reach my goals? If you miss getting fucked by someone with piercings, then I'm happy to do that for you, firefly." 

"Really?" 

"Of course, baby. Show me what you want."

///

It takes them a week to get everything together and for them to have a couple of days off, and the day of, Dabi is practically vibrating. He’s not sure if he’s nervous about this, or if he’s excited, he just knows that his lover should definitely be exhibiting some kind of reaction besides blasé amusement. 

“Are you sure?” Dabi asks as soon as they have everything laid out and Tomura is sitting naked on the edge of their couch. “If your regeneration doesn’t work, then you could be healing for months, or have rejection, or get an infection–” 

“Firefly, my regeneration worked well enough that the doctor had trouble traching me. This will be fine.” 

“When the fuck did you need to be trached?” Dabi asks, his mind immediately spiraling away from his previous worry. 

“Last week when the electro therapy stopped my breathing–” 

“What?” 

“I’m fine. By the time he had the tube in my throat I was healing and trying to get him to stop shoving plastic into my throat. But if you’re nervous, we can find someone else to do this.” No. Dabi doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want to risk having to look for someone that could turn attention back to them for something that they don’t need to be doing. “There’s nothing that you can do with a needle that will hurt me more than the ways I’ve hurt myself training. Come on, we can start with something simple, and work our way up from there.” 

“What’s ‘simple’?” Dabi asks, trying to let some of the tension in him go. Duster is right. With Tomura’s quirks, there’s nothing that he can do that will cause permanent damage. 

Tomura gets him to start with his ears. A simple lobe piercing on each side that Dabi fills with flat, circular golden studs. He doesn’t even flinch, and they wait five minutes. Five minutes where Dabi watches to see what happens. There’s slight pinking and a little blood after the initial piercing, but it disappears after a few minutes, and Dabi checks the hole. No raw edges anymore, just a closed ring of flesh that stays perfectly intact when he pulls the stud out to see if his skin tries to heal over again. But nothing happens. Tomura’s ears are just pierced now. 

Seeing the evidence of his lover’s seeming invincibility helps to settle Dabi’s nerves, but Tomura doesn’t let him move straight to his cock. Instead he has Dabi pick somewhere else he wants to see jewelry, and he ends up with pretty gold hoops through each of his nipples too. Then he moves onto his cock. 

“You’re sure about the placement?” 

“Course I am, precious. Want to make sure that you feel good no matter what angle I’m fucking you at.” 

Dabi knows his lover’s cock very well, but he feels like he’s looking at something alien as he takes the marker to map out the placement of the piercings. Dabi has six frenum piercings making up his ladder, and Tomura is going to have the same. He could easily have more but six is enough for now. They can add more if he decides he wants them. He goes slowly, making sure that everything is sanitized, that he knows the exact placement, and he gives Duster another chance to back out. 

“Firefly, I barely felt it when I broke my foot and got three of my fingers turned to paste. I promise that you’re not going to hurt me.” 

“Okay, but you’ve never had a needle shoved into your dick. Dick pain and bone pain are different.” 

“Firefly.” 

It’s a ‘quit stalling’ if he’s ever heard one before, and Dabi takes a slow breath as he retrieves the needle and lines up, pinching the skin at the point he needs for the first one. 

Tomura barely flinches as it sinks through. 

Over the course of the next twenty minutes, Tomura is patient, and his quirk keeps up the good work, healing each piercing as Dabi gives them, and soon he has his own golden ladder running along the underside of his cock and the PA sunk through the tip and underside of his glans. The ball on the ring there is going to definitely be noticeable  when he’s fucking him in hopefully the next ten minutes. 

“There–”

“I think I want one more thing, if you’re not going to pass out, baby.” 

“I am not about to pass out. What else could you possibly want?” 

“What about a pubic piercing? If I have the right anatomy for it.” Dabi doesn’t even have one of those so he thinks that Duster must have actually done his research. He checks the elasticity of the skin between the base of his shaft and his pelvis, and determines that it should fit without a problem. They select a curved barbell for that too, and when it’s in place with less fanfare because Dabi isn’t nearly as worried about fucking that up as he was his lover’s dick, he snorts. 

“You should let me do your belly button too.” 

“Why?” 

“It would be really funny the next time you train shirtless and the others see it.” He means it half as a joke, but the problem is, the thing that led them to this situation in the first place, is that neither of them ever know when to not rise to a challenge. So they end the session with a last curved gold barbell through his navel. 

Dabi picks up the used needles, antiseptic wipes, and little bits of soiled cotton, and goes to throw those away, coming back into the room to see Tomura looking at his handiwork in the mirror. 

“Anything hurt?” 

“No, and nothing’s bleeding, irritated, or swollen, firefly. It all looks perfect.” He then turns back to him and Dabi, now separated from the fog of stress that was swirling through him, is able to appreciate the look of his lover with the jewelry glittering across his body. Tomura was already unreasonably pretty since his glow-up in Deika, but seeing him now, with the jewelry that he put into his body, seeing his cock with that thick ring through it that he knows he’ll be able to feel each curve of it inside of him, immediately has his skin starting to warm a bit more. 

He must do a very bad job of hiding how hot just the sight of him is, because Tomura’s lips curl into a smug smile as he moves over to him, catching him around the hips and starting to back him towards the bed. “Come on, firefly. Time to give you what you were craving so badly, and see if these really are as sensitive as you say they are, or if you’re just a desperate, needy little whore.” 

Dabi is pretty sure that Tomura’s about to learn that both of those things can be true at the same time. 

Thanks for participating! If you want to join in make sure to check out the details here!

[cerise-on-top]

helloooo! how do think Kate and Nikolai would like to get married, like type of weddings and how they’d propose. Also I adore your Kate stuff! there isn’t enought for her!

Hello! I'm not sure I'm the right person to ask this since the last wedding I went to was 17, almost 18 years ago! But I tried, even if I don't know at all what a wedding encompasses!

How Laswell and Nikolai Would Like to Get Married

Laswell: She’d try to find a special date to propose, even if she would preferably choose Christmas. However, if you don’t celebrate Christmas, then she’ll find another date, even if it’s “just” your birthday. You deserve all the good in the world and that she makes sure to give you. Your birthday will be an absolute dream, everything will be perfect and you will be cared for. However, Laswell will try to propose to you when the two of you are all alone, so she’ll either send everyone away, or drive you home and then propose to you on your doorstep. Either way, she wants you to be content and happy so that you can be positively joyful as she proposes to you. Your wedding won’t be very big, however, with only the most important people coming. She’s a CIA station chief, she’s highly sought after, so not the entire city needs to know about your arrangements and possibly get you killed during them. No, Laswell plays it safe and thus keeps it small. Although she would like to have a ceremony to commemorate this special day. Laswell isn’t a very religious person, in fact she’s not religious at all, so she doesn’t need a church wedding. If you absolutely insist, however, then she will plan one. However, she’s content with a ceremony and just a civil marriage. If you’re close with a lot of people, then it’s very likely that a lot of people will come from your side. Laswell doesn’t really have many people she’d invite to her wedding. The people she would invite likely don’t have time, so she doesn’t particularly bother. Besides, those two are very dangerous people as well, so it would likely be for the best if she doesn’t. The wedding itself would be a rather standard wedding, though. Like one you’d see on TV, so nothing too fancy. It doesn’t need to be to show how much you love each other.

Nikolai: He’d be very casual about it, waiting for a good moment to ask you for marriage. Don’t get me wrong, he has a pair of rings he’d use for such a thing, but he won’t openly propose with them. During a mellow moment where it’s evident you both love each other so dearly and are stricken with infatuation, that’s when he’ll ask you if you want to marry him. No getting down on one knee, just him lying on your chest, looking up at you and asking you, hearts in his eyes. It would take him a while to ask you for your hand in marriage, a few years, in fact, but he’ll be the one to ask. It won’t be a special date either, just whenever you’re feeling especially lovey dovey with each other. Your wedding won’t be very big either. He’s the leader of Chimera, so he needs to keep a low profile if he doesn’t want to be found out. No big or fancy ceremony, even if he will marry you in a church. Nikolai wants to have a traditional Russian wedding. One, where he pays ransom for you with the most beautiful sapphire necklace he could find. One, where he finds the most stunning crowns in all of Russia, both of which are yours. One, where he takes you through St. Petersburg to show you all the sights there are to see. Granted, he’ll be speedrunning the tour with you since he can’t afford to have the wedding last longer than two days, but he still wants to enjoy all these moments with you. He’ll tell you about all the sights there are in the city and hold your hand as well, taking pictures everywhere. He just wants to remember the sight of you wearing either a suit or a wedding dress forever, and what better way is there than by taking pictures? Although his memory is phenomenal, and he’ll remember those days forever, he still wants a few pictures here and there as a keepsake.

[princess-of-purple-prose]

Fish, 7 (For your prompts! ❤️)

Hi, anon!! Thank you for the prompt, you were the very first one to send one in! 7 was, again, the wildcard, so I randomly generated a different number to land on Yue Qingyuan (from Scum Villain)! I have no choice but to dedicate this to @bytedykes, because I told her about this prompt and she said “yqy pet fish mental health speedrun” and we went, uh, a little insane about it. Enjoy some yuefang, folks!!!!

“Mu-xiong,” Yue Qingyuan says. “I’m sorry to bother you. Are you available?”

“Yue-xiong is never a bother,” Mu Qingfang says warmly. “And I am, actually, yes. Is everything okay, Yue-xiong?”

“I think I need help.” A bit dramatic, perhaps, and Yue Qingyuan hates to trouble Mu Qingfang on a rare day off, but Yue Qingyuan and impulse have never been the best combination, and he would appreciate a second opinion.

Mu Qingfang’s voice turns hard. “Where are you? I'll come right away.”

“What—?” Yue Qingyuan stares at his phone like the blank call screen will tell him why Mu Qingfang suddenly sounds so serious. “I'm at home, but—”

“I'll be right there,” Mu Qingfang says, and hangs up.

Yue Qingyuan stares at his phone for another second, then lifts his gaze to his sparkling new aquarium. His new betta, white and black and resplendent of fin, stares back. Was his crisis of faith about his viability as a fish owner really so deserving of such urgency…?

—

“So,” Mu Qingfang says. “This was your emergency?” He looks about as unimpressed by the betta as it does by the two of them.

Yue Qingyuan feels obscurely like he’s being scolded. Mu Qingfang is one of the nicest men he knows, but that just means that his censure takes the form of a blunt instrument of mass disappointment.

“In my defense,” he points out meekly, “I didn’t say there was an emergency. Mu-xiong just assumed.”

“That’ll teach me,” Mu Qingfang huffs, but at least he looks amused. “Yue-xiong should get used to asking for help more so this gege doesn’t have to panic every time he does ask.”

Yue Qingyuan’s mouth almost drops open. He can only hope his cheeks aren’t as red as they feel. “Er—well, I asked this time, didn’t I?”

“You did,” Mu Qingfang allows, looking something horribly close to fond. Yue Qingyuan swallows and tries to hurry on.

“So—not an emergency, but I do want your opinion,” he coughs out. “I’m having… doubts. About the fish.” Mu Qingfang’s eyebrows contract. Yue Qingyuan rushes it out. “Do you think I should keep it?”

“Yue-xiong…” Mu Qingfang looks politely incredulous. “Why does my opinion matter? The fish is already yours, isn’t it? If you don’t think maintaining its upkeep will be feasible, that’s one thing, but… Surely Yue-xiong did the research before getting it?”

He doesn’t sound judgemental, but Yue Qingyuan feels his cheeks warm. “I did, but I wasn’t planning on getting a fish; I was only admiring the tanks. There was a salesperson who was… very insistent.”

Mu Qingfang regards him doubtfully, which is fair. Yue Qingyuan towers over most people he meets, and his bulk only further adds to the impression of immovability. It’s only when he opens his mouth that it becomes clear how spineless he actually is.

Yue Qingyuan falters. “I had thought… I thought it might be nice.” The bettas had seemed so majestic in their tanks, iridiscent monarchs of false grass and plastic coves, and Yue Qingyuan had thought, wildly, that one might be rewarding to keep, might breathe a touch of life into his immaculately sleek living room. The whole affair hadn’t even been expensive by his shiny new standards, forget difficult to physically arrange. It was only when installation and set-up for his new aquarium had finished and he was left to watch that jewel-bright being swim disaffectedly through its new home that doubt had seized him, all-consuming and black. He had, admittedly, panicked a little after that.

(Yue Qingyuan’s apartment is very large, and very clean, and very empty. It holds the barest amount of decoration and muss to qualify as lived-in rather than a snapshot from a magazine ad. The fish may, in fact, be the only thing in the entire place which really qualifies as his. No wonder Yue Qingyuan wanted to jettison it from his life as soon as he got it.)

Mu Qingfang’s expression hovers between concern and simple confusion. “I’m sure Yue-xiong will be a more than adequate caretaker,” he says, more gently than Yue Qingyuan and all his neuroses probably deserve. “What’s this really about, Yue-xiong?”

Ah. There it is. Being the mildest person of Yue Qingyuan’s admittedly sharp-tongued social circle doesn’t preclude Mu Qingfang’s wit from being as keen as the scalpels he works with.

“I don’t…” Yue Qingyuan falters. How to express to Mu Qingfang how manifestly unfit Yue Qingyuan is to care for any living creature at all? He changes tack. “I think he hates me,” he admits dolefully.

Mu Qingfang stares at him for a long time, long enough to imply that he’s reevaluating certain opinions about Yue Qingyuan’s intelligence. “Yue-xiong, with all due respect to your new pet—it’s a fish.”

“Fish have emotions!” Yue Qingyuan argues. He flushes at the volume at which it comes out, and at the way Mu Qingfang’s eyes go wide-eyed in startlement. But the salesperson had been very insistent about that, as well. “Bettas are intelligent animals. They dislike certain colors, apparently, and they’re very sensitive—ah, to environmental disruptions, that is. And—”

Mu Qingfang’s eyebrows are still high, but his face has relaxed into a smile. “It sounds to me like you like it quite a bit already. Isn’t that reason enough to keep it?” His tone curls with sudden mischief. “Have heart, Yue-xiong—you’ve hardly known each other for a day! Give it time to adjust to you, and I’m sure you’ll win it over as surely as you do everyone else.” And he grins, sure and easy in his trust that Yue Qingyuan won’t fumble and shatter something so small and monumental as a life that he could cup in his palms.

While Yue Qingyuan is still dazed by that, Mu Qingfang’s eyes alight with interest. “Ah, Yue-xiong—what have you named it?”

“...”

Mu Qingfang’s face falls as devastatingly as it had lit up. “Yue-xiong…”

“Mu-xiong is aware that I was unsure of whether or not I’d keep him!” Yue Qingyuan is terribly aware that his ears are now heating up to match his cheeks. Mu Qingfang’s ensuing laughter does not help with that matter.

Yue Qingyuan is not very good at holding onto things. More often than not, he makes a mess of whatever he’s set his clumsy hands to, lets it fall right through his scarred fingers. But Mu Qingfang’s words ring through his head: Isn’t that reason enough to keep it? And, well, isn’t it? Surely Yue Qingyuan is adult enough to follow through on this. Maybe happiness can be look like his new betta swimming up to the tank to observe the new colorful form moving in front of it, can come as easy as Mu Qingfang quipping that his knowledge about fish is clearly lacking and vowing casually to read up on bettas to be a better fish uncle.

Yue Qingyuan buries a smile and walks over to let Mu Qingfang know that bettas can be trained to follow fingers around. The betta’s clear preference for Mu Qingfang over Yue Qingyuan is as good a marker of intelligence as any fun fact the pet shop worker could have given him. Yes, Yue Qingyuan thinks with a smile—he thinks he’ll be keeping this after all.

[ilyasorokinn]

(day four) not so alone , sidney crosby

note, this fic is part of my christmas series called taylor's very merry christmas series. check out this masterlist for the rest of the series. pair, sidney crosby x reader summary, y/n and sid are staying in pittsburgh for christmas this year, with their families coming out to visit instead. y/n heard through the grapevine that some of the guys weren’t going home, so she decided to welcome them over so they weren’t so alone. warnings, baby + kids (baby rakell & little geno) word count, 853 words

(gif not mine)

"I got everything on the list, but is there anything else you need?" Sidney asked. Before practice, you had given him a list of things you needed for your big Christmas dinner.

"Well, we need dog food, but I can pick that up tomorrow." You looked over at your two dogs.

"No, I got it." You could hear the cart being pushed down the aisle from the other line, "Anything else?"

"Well, there is one thing." You held your breath.

"What is it?"

"I heard about a couple of the guys weren't going home, so I was wondering..." You paused, "I thought we could invite them over to our house."

"Invite them over?" He repeated.

"Yeah," You smiled, "No one should be alone on Christmas, Sid."

He let out a laugh, "Yeah, of course we can.”

You smiled, "All right, you finish shopping, then come home, and we can talk about how we're gonna do this."

"All right, I'll speedrun the rest of your list."

"Thank you. See you soon."

"See you soon."

-

Sidney got home and you discussed your new dinner plan and how you were gonna get another long table now that you had even more guests.

Before it was just gonna be your parents plus your sister, his parents and Geno plus Anna and Nikita, but after, you calculated that it was

While you were in charge of the menu, Sidney was in charge of cleaning, getting the house ready, and inviting his teammates over.

So, after practice, while everyone was getting ready to leave, that’s when he thought it was the best time to do it.

“All right, one more thing before you all go.” He announced, gathering everyone’s attention, “Mrs. Crosby heard some of you weren’t going home for Christmas this year, so if you don’t have anywhere to go, our home is open for you.”

They all nodded, appreciative looks on their faces as they all went back to what they were doing. After they all finished up, a few guys approached him.

He looked at the 4 guys in front of him, Jarry, Rakell, Kapanen, and Joseph, and smiled. Before they could even open their mouths, “Be there at 4.” They all nodded and were on their way.

-

On Christmas, you and Sidney were rushing around the house. Sweeping, vacuuming, and making sure everything was in tip-top shape.

Your parents were also in town, so they were helping out where they could. The first to arrive were the Malkins, and they arrived with a very nice bottle of wine. The moment Nikita stepped into your house, he was running off to play with your dogs.

Geno brought the dish they brought into the kitchen, and while Sidney followed him, you and Anna made your way into the living room with glasses of wine already in hand.

Not long after the Malkin’s arrived was when everyone else started arriving too. Tristan and his fiancé arrived with a nice bottle of wine.

Then Kappy and PO Joseph came together, looking dapper as ever. You opened the door, holding one of your dog's collars so they wouldn't run out the door.

You smiled at them, and smiled even brighter when you noticed the bouquet of flowers in Pierre's hands, "Glad you guys could make it." You gave them each a brief hug as you were handed the flowers.

"Thank you for inviting us."

Lastly to arrive were the Rakell’s, which you didn’t fault for being late due to the baby, who was now fast asleep in your arms.

You all congregated around the table and began talking amongst each other, enjoying the food prepared.

Due to the sleeping child in your arms, you couldn't really cut or eat any of your food, so Sidney did the work for you. He cut up the turkey into smaller pieces and spoon-fed food to you.

"I just wanted to thank everyone for coming." You announced looking around the table, "I know it was last minute, but I really do believe that no one should be alone on Christmas, so thank you." You smiled at everyone as you bounced the sleeping baby in your arms.

"Thank you." Emmeli, Rickard's wife smiled, "Thank you for welcoming us into your home. It means more to us than we can say." You smiled happily before taking your seat again, leaning into Sidney’s arms.

After everyone had gone home with heaps of leftovers and everyone staying over at your home had retreated into their rooms for the night, you and Sidney spent some time cleaning up the easy stuff, pushing all the harder stuff for the next morning.

“So, I saw how you were with Daisy,” He started, shooting you a smirk.

“Don’t start.” You shook your head, “You were the exact same way. You were giving her goo-goo eyes and playing peek-a-boo all night.”

“I’m not denying it.” He raised his hands in surrender.

“I’m perfectly happy where we are right now.”

“All right, but what wasn’t a no,”

“No, it wasn’t.” You shook your head as you set some plates by the sink to deal with the next morning.

-

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[wickjump]

GRAHHHH HOLY FUCK

THANK YOU FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS???????? IT'S ALWAYS BEEN ON MY MIND BUT I NEVER KNEW I WAS ALLOWED TO LIKE

ACTUALLY NOT LIKE IT

AAAAAAAAAA

gnawing on the bones of the passage of time rn brb

NO CAUSE LIKE, 2016 UT FANDOM COME BACKKK, I CAN ACTUALLY MAKE SHIT NOW?? I CAN ACTUALLY APPRECIATE YOU PROPERLY NOW GRAHHH

lowkey i miss all the amino ads/spondorships now lmao, at some point it just felt like amino sponsered every single undertale content creator jshsjs/positive

it had it's issues no doubt but fuckkkk, it feels like the atmospheres then and now are so different it doesn't even feel like the same fandom anymore if that makes sense? 

ngl i kinda miss the sans fangirls? they were such a staple part of the community back then grahhhh (help i still remember when almost everyone was laughing at the fangirls that, just in general, new/young artists got dragged in too? ugh i dunno, i never really watched those 'cring comps' but i wasn't a fan lmao /lighthearted)

it felt like such a community, it *was* a community

when did everything get so divided

can we all just rp 2016 ut fandom for the rest of our lives

ugh now that i see another person talk about it, my brain just opened the floodgates and im speedrunning the grieving process JHSHSJHS 

"it'll never be the same anymore" okay and sure i could be graceful about it but also what if someone has to drag me kicking and screaming

GRAHHHHHHHHH (love you sm for this op, KEEP SPEAKING YER TRUTHHH!! RAHHHHHHHH)

THANK YOU!!!! i will forever speak my truth thank you anon

things got divided and genuinely it doesn’t feel like the same fandom at all. the fandom on twitter feels nothing like the fandom on tiktok or on tumblr. and because so many people don’t have tumblr now, despite how tumblr is the utmv fandom’s medium, it’s difficult to get the people together like they used to. someone could be famous on tumblr, everyone knows their name and their ocs, but on twitter nobody knows who they are. tiktok has plenty of tumblr reposts but theyre also in the dark a lot of the time. it’s disconnected.

the community would be a lot better if we just. migrated back to tumblr again and stopped the callout posts, because honestly i don’t care what someone said that was mildly rude to someone else or anything of that silly nature. it’s not that serious!!!! it’s driving us apart!!!!!!!! we can’t be together if we don’t make an effort!!!!!

i want people to start being communal again. i want rp sessions. i want a new loveball. i want roleplay blogs and silly cringe and especially edgy ask blogs. i want the same level of cringe 2016 had. i want it so goddamn bad. but in order for that to happen, people need to put in an effort, and to do it, and enough people need to do that. which feels like it just won’t happen, im not that influential to make that happen, and as previously mentioned, so many communities don’t know i exist either, nor so many tumblr figures!!!!!! the real ones are the people that have accounts on all platforms and post the same things on each 🙏 thank you for being a rare link

honestly we’re hated enough as is. I mean i literally just scrolled past a yt video called “undertale and it’s FOUL community”. people outside it ain’t doin us any favors, trying to say “we’re good now” ain’t doin shit!!!!!! let’s just have fun and go back to enjoying ourselves instead of trying to be “better”. because im not having as much fun as i know i wouldve years ago as a content creator and i want to have that fun!!!!! and my goal at this point is to let people know they can have that fun. im going to spread this like the gospel mark my words

[outtoshatter]

Hunt by GiaSoFetch

Fandom: Dungeons and Daddies Ship: Nick Close/Lark Oak Rating: Mature Relevant tags: Graphic depictions of violence, alternate universe, nature gods Lark and Sparrow, demon Nick, biting, enemies to lovers speedrun Summary: There is something in Lark and Sparrow's domain. Part one of The Game of Love and Death

Excerpt:

There was something barbarous in the woods. Its presence was shifting and energetic, a devouring flame in the otherwise peaceful forest. Lark’s head came up, eyes darting to track the unseen energy. Sparrow didn’t sit up. There were three squirrels on him, resting in a line from his chest down his right leg. The temple was small, but cool and breezy in the late spring morning. Everything was lush green and gold, brimming with life. Spring was giving way to the relentless march of summer; they could feel it in their bones, in the soil under their feet, and in the slow, steady growth of their trees. Lark swung his legs down off the stone he’d been lying on, turning his head left and right. His skin prickled with awareness, muscles flexing. Sparrow sighed. “I’m sure it will wander away.” “It’s getting closer to the village.” His hands curled into claws. The squirrels chittered nervously, but calmed when Sparrow held his hand over their heads. “What is it?” He explored the presence in their woods with his mind, tasting it, trying to understand it. He couldn’t get a handle on it, like it was flitting just out of reach, changing shape before he could read it. “Dunno. Something passing through.” “But it hasn’t passed through.” His eyes narrowed. “It’s lingering.” Sparrow sighed. Wind rustled the leaves around them. “Then go get it, I suppose.” He twisted to glower at him, but he was still in the dirt, eyes closed. There were leaves and vines tangled in his hair as usual, and he had a smudge of dirt on his cheek like a bruise. “Don’t you care?" “They always leave,” he murmured, sounding as though he might fall asleep. Lark growled and pushed to his feet. “Something inhuman is in our woods.” “We are inhuman,” he pointed out. “And these are our woods.” He found his knife where he’d left it, on a stone ledge carved into the wall of their temple. The obsidian blade gleamed in the sunlight filtering inside; the wooden handle fit in his palm like an extension of his arm. He strapped the sheath to his waist and pulled on his soft leather hunting boots. Sparrow opened one eye when he started for the door. “Be cautious. If it doesn’t leave on its own…” “Then I will drive it out.” “Then it may be powerful.” He spread his arms out, hands flat on the ground. “I will hear if you need help.” Lark snorted but refrained from saying he wouldn’t need it. He had never sensed an energy quite like this, not one that lingered and stained their whole forest with its presence. Outside their temple, the villagers of River Crest had left offerings, baskets of berries, smoked fish, trinkets, and other such things they had learned that the two of them liked. Lark stepped over it all; Sparrow could bring it inside when he was up. He had a creature to hunt.

Read the rest on AO3 🔒!

[knight-princess]

Appreciation post for:

• Wererats. Fucked up little beasties. Do they turn into people on the full moon or did they used to be people, I can’t remember and Boorman certainly never explained. Look like roadkill and sincerely want to fuck you up. Two heads for some reason. Only appear once and are dope and real animatronics and everything I’m pretty sure

• “Chloe Allagash’s brave little man”, otherwise known just as Allagash. Insults extraordinaire. Spent like. ten years in a box pretending to be his best mate and was so committed to that bit he tried to sell it to his best mate’s other best mate and daughter. Gave up his life to fight trolls and save the gang. Hates olives. Iconic

• Madmartigan, who I spent far too long convinced was actually called Martigan and nicknamed “Mad” Martigan by all his mates. Also in a box when we meet him. Tries to feed roots to a newborn. Slays in pink. Souped up on the love potion, gains himself an enemies to lovers arc with the hot badass warrior queen

• Sorsha Tanthalos, said hot badass warrior, redemption arc speedrun, kiss in the middle of battle pro, stop listening to your evil mom and make your own choices queen. Pissed off that the dorky hot rogue confessed his undying love to her and it was just love potion. “‘I dwell in darkness without you’ and it went away???” Go off queen. You can fix that never fear. Dopest sword ever but also that would be so so sucky to get stabbed with because fuck that is a lot of serrations. Is it all that functional? Don’t know but it looks awesome. 10/10. Goes straight from being henchman to her evil mom to trying to run a whole kingdom, raise three kids and keep one of them from dying to fulfil the prophesy. Makes some dodgy decisions. Complains about it all to her (literal) captive audience. Saves her daughters life. Complicated queen

• Sorsha x Madmartigan. Enemies to lovers classic with all the fun twists. “Love her?!? I don’t love her! She kicked me in the face!” Oh you just wait buddy. Couple affirming kiss mid battle??? Oh fuck yeah, sign me the fuck up. “I dwell in darkness without you.” Wait. Was that foreshadowing

• Jade and Elora being besties. Unexpected and delightful. Elora calling her “J” nearly made me hit the cieling. You’re telling me they’ve got nicknames already??? Sign me the fuck up. I love it. Need more of it pls and thank you

• Lili of Cashmere. On the wyrms milk. Dresses like a Greek goddess. Known by the alias “the Crone” which she hates even tho she really is secretly a skeleton held together with goo and a love of drama (I’m reusing that description ok I enjoyed it too much the first time). Evil makeover specialist. A+ Lili I love you

• And last but not least, smart and sassy trolls. @lowkeyed1 is a lifesaver and provided me with the transcript for the episode bc I remembered they had some truly iconic lines but couldn’t for the life of me remember what they were. So we’ve got: “He’s not appealing, but he speaks his mind, and I suppose that’s something” of Sarris’s own brother. Of the Crone: “Is she the eldritch nightmare people make her out to be? Yes. But she has her positive qualities too.” Lol fair. The forever iconic “I deplore those who rouse rabble” and my personal favourite “yeah, cos when I said ‘I do’, what I really meant was ‘explain it to me like I’m an imbecile’.”