#you do not UNDERSTAND how much i love matthias schweighöfer

[flowers-and-fichte]

This is not me being madly in love with Matthias Schweighöfer.

[fillingthescrapbook]

(Reworking) Army of the Dead

I'm gonna veer away from just reviewing this film because I don't want to contribute to the negativity. Zack Snyder seems like a nice guy based on how his crew (and his actors) talk about him, so let's not punch down. Instead, I'm going to offer my two cents on how to improve the dazed and confused Army of the Dead.

Now, before I begin, I just want to say that I was really looking forward to this film. The trailers promised a colorful good time. I was dismayed by the fact that nearly half of the film takes place outside the zombie apocalypse. The good time was in short supply. And the colors? ... Well, I played myself there. I made myself forget that Snyder isn't a fan of colors.

But enough about my gripes. If you plan on watching the film and haven't yet, I would suggest you scroll away now. We're about to get into spoiler territory because here's my pitch on how to improve the movie:

Number one: Let's give the bad guys a clearer objective. The movie begins with a road accident that unleashes a super zombie into an unsuspecting Las Vegas. He's fast and doesn't just attack people. It's pretty clear from the get go that the movie is setting him up to be more than just the instigating incident for the zombie apocalypse. So I don't understand why, after a very cool opening sequence, that super zombie is swept away to focus instead on casino owner Bly (Hiroyuki Sanada) hiring someone to steal money from his hotel inside Las Vegas.

I mean, after watching the film, we know that obtaining one of the super zombies was the real mission. And I get that the writers wanted that twist. But why make the bad guy the owner of the safe he wants to steal money from? It takes only a few dialogue changes to make him a former partner at the casino, that he wants the money his partners never gave him--and that explains away the need for mercenaries and a safe-cracker.

And why wait to introduce Martin (Garret Dillahunt), his right-hand man, until the team has already been formed? Martin should have already been present during the initial meeting, providing reasons to Scott (Dave Bautista) on why Bly can't just get his men to come in and out; that they know Scott has a way in, that they know Scott has a team he can convince to go in, that they know that there are zombies inside the city of Las Vegas that aren't like other zombies--that's why they need specialists. When Scott asks why Martin needs to join them, Bly would wave it off as him wanting an inside guy in the team to make sure they deliver the money to him. But an exchange of looks between Bly and Martin could already set the tone for the viewers that there's a different mission at play.

Also: it's fine to play Bly and Martin as desperately courting Scott since he and his team are desperate as well. They need the money that they're gonna get from the heist. That should've been implied from the beginning as well, that Bly and Martin have already done their research on Scott. That would've allowed us to speed through getting the team together. So we could have a scene first of Scott and Maria (Ana de la Reguera) having a scene arguing about taking the job. Scott would be for it, needing the money to provide for his estranged daughter. Maria would be against it because she wants out of the mercenary business. But because she loves Scott, she agrees.

I have no problem with how fast they recruited Marianne (Tig Notaro). That was one of my favorite scenes in the movie. My only wish here was that they didn't have to green-screen Tig Notaro in, that they had cast her in the first place instead of the other guy. Because Tig as a badass? Something I never knew I needed.

They should've had Vanderohe (Omari Hardwick) live in the tent city just outside of Las Vegas. The film established that he needs the money, but not really why. Having him need money to evacuate his family completely from the tent city provides a visual reason. He also could've been Scott's way of keeping tabs on his daughter, since we learn later in the movie that he became an absent father because of his guilt. Scott's first scene with his daughter could've been while he was recruiting Vanderohe.

Mikey (Raul Castillo) should've been Scott's contact in how to get into Las Vegas. Mikey is shown to be a YouTuber of sorts who regularly sneaks into the Vegas area to kill zombies for views. I don't understand why he couldn't be the one who has access to Lily (Nora Arnezeder) and her container gate. He could be the one to suggest that the team douse themselves with "perfume" made of rotting smells--which he uses to make himself less noticeable to zombies when he films his videos.

Which leaves Dieter (Matthias Schweighöfer) and Chambers (Samantha Win). Dieter is supposedly a known safe-cracker, and it doesn't really fly with me that he doesn't have someone guarding him at all times. Instead of Chambers belonging to Mikey's crew, she could've been Dieter's bodyguard instead. They could still keep in the detail that she's never fought a zombie before, but she could still remain a really good fighter on account of, you know, being in charge of Dieter's protection. The guy who walks out could be part of Dieter's team as well--and someone who knows that going against zombies, even on your own terms, is still a suicide mission.

The first complication, instead of Dieter not knowing how to kill zombies, should not have been in the planning of the heist. Bly and Martin should already have a plan in place. They are, after all, running this show. The first problem should come up at the tent city--just prior to the team meeting Lily. Vanderohe would report to Scott that his daughter Ella (Kate Ward) sneaked into Las Vegas to find her friend Geeta (Huma Qureshi) because Geeta's kids wanted their mother. That takes away the unnecessary scene of Scott and Ella arguing if she's joining his team or not. Because neither Scott nor Martin should have allowed Ella to go in with them. At the most Scott would offer to find Geeta. But they were operating on a plan that had only one escape helicopter. Adding more people to the team at that point was stupid. Having Ella sneak in prior to the team going in would take care of that, and would make Ella less liable for the deaths that happen later on. And Scott, knowing he can't just abandon his team, decides that he will stay on the mission--and once he has delivered Dieter to the safe, he would go off on his own to look for Ella.

I don't mind the tribute to the queen zombie all that much--had we actually seen zombies threaten the team first. Mikey could be shaken that his rotting "perfume" didn't work, with Lily explaining that some of the zombies have higher intelligence and rely on sight and warmth more than smell.

Having Lily lead the team up until that point, fighting zombies, and then using Burt (Theo Rossi) as an offering to get the Queen to allow them passage would've been more impressive than a zombie tiger to be honest. And when the Queen takes Burt, Lily should have told the team that her job is done and that she was going to come back for them at a certain hour. Martin should've been the one to convince her to stay, citing that they need her knowledge of Las Vegas zombie lore to guide them to where they need to go. Which would then alert Mikey and Chambers that something is not right with Martin.

When Martin approaches Lily about his other mission, Chambers should've been there to see the exchange. Maybe even a handshake between the two. That way she has a reason to confront Martin about his lack of trustworthiness.

After the confrontation, I feel like Martin should have been more proactive in getting rid of Chambers. Making her go last should have been Martin's idea, saying it's a precaution since she's Dieter's bodyguard. Creating noise that would wake the dormant zombies should have been Martin's move as well, and not Chambers making a mistake. Just locking her in with them feels like a very cowardly thing for the current main villain to do.

And then, when Chambers bursts out of a glass window, I feel like Martin should've shot her just as she was about to succeed in beating down the zombies. Excusing his act by lying and saying he saw her get bitten, and that he was just saving Chambers the trauma of turning into a zombie. By then, Martin should have gotten everyone to move on ahead, keeping back in the guise of being concerned for Chambers. Maria and Lily could have stayed with him, as Mikey would've been Marianne's guide towards the helicopter, and Scott and Vanderohe would have continued to guide Dieter through the casino and towards the safe.

When the team regroups (sans Mikey and Marianne) is when they should start to encounter the zombies as integrated challenges into the heist. Like, they need to turn on the electricity to get to the safe--but the lights and the noise would wake the zombies inside the casino. So the plan would be situating Vanderohe, Martin, Lily, and Dieter by the elevators so when the electricity comes in they could get in immediately. They could create barricades or traps to ensure they would be safe from the zombies.

Scott and Maria would be the ones to turn the electricity on so they could go find Ella while the others are focused on the safe. The plan would then be to evacuate Ella through Lily's gate instead of exiting with the team, leaving the rest of the team to be the ones to squeeze into the helicopter.

Over at the helicopter, Mikey would warn Marianne about his distrust of Martin as he shoots zombies while Marianne refuels their escape plan. Marianne could also vocalize her concerns about Martin's shadiness, with the two concocting a plan to get rid of Martin as soon as he makes the wrong move.

When the lights come on, Martin convinces Vanderohe to accompany Dieter to the safe. Leaving him and Lily as lookouts to make sure no zombies get down. And giving him and Lily time to do his other mission.

Scott and Maria, succeeding in turning on the generators, would then make their way to where the super zombies are--having learned from Lily at the beginning of the heist that that's where possible survivors are imprisoned by the intelligent undead. It's while they're leaving the heist casino that they learn about the government's plan to move up the schedule on nuking Las Vegas. They radio to the others about the government's change of plans.

Martin, upon hearing this news, pushes Lily to leave Dieter and Vanderohe since they're running out of time for his other mission.

Dieter and Vanderohe, in place of having a crisis with Mikey on the lead up to the vault, would instead be using the zombies there as bait for the booby traps. Remember, in this pitch, Bly and Martin have already given them everything they needed to know to open the safe. The only thing they don't have is the actual safe combination. (As an added complication, it would be great if Dieter actually gets bitten prior to getting to the safe--and then having the team amputate one arm to stop the spread of the virus. It's an additional wrinkle into the heist that could exist in a zombie apocalypse.)

When Martin kills the Queen, Scott and Maria would see the change in the zombies outside their headquarters. They wouldn't know that Martin killed the queen, of course, just that something's changed--and they have an opening to get in and save Ella. So they take it.

Meanwhile, Martin offs Lily because he has already acquired his true mission: the Queen's head. He can even keep his evil mustache-twirling dialogue with Lily. His goal now is to get to the helicopter before Vanderohe and Dieter unlocks the safe.

The action here would then be amped up as Scott and Maria work as a team to take down the stragglers on their way to find Ella. They could even encounter Burt, who is still unturned, while looking for Scott's daughter. Burt could still be useful later on as someone who betrays them.

At the casino, Martin has to be smart about his way to the helicopter as zombies are already roaming the halls and he doesn't have that many bullets left. He uses one of the elevators as a distraction, leading some zombies to enter the elevator that Dieter and Vanderohe will use later on.

Inside the safe, Dieter has succeeded in opening the safe. They are using radios to ask for help in taking the money and bringing them to the chopper.

Outside, we hear Vanderohe's voice in Lily's radio as the King zombie finds his queen's body. He growls at his legion of zombies to find who is responsible. He takes the queen's body back to the zombie headquarters.

Up at the helipad, Mikey is answering Vanderohe's call for help saying he could leave Marianne for a bit to go to them--but he gets cut off when Martin shows up to try and take the helicopter. They have a fight at the helipad, avoiding using the guns so as not to damage the helicopter. But we see that Mikey and Marianne are ready for Martin's inevitable betrayal. We pan out and we see that the hotel is now fully swarmed by the zombies.

Dieter tells Vanderohe that they could start loading up the elevator with the money. But when they open the elevators, zombies start pouring out. Leaving the two surrounded.

Meanwhile, at the zombie headquarters, Scott and Maria find Ella. They get a happy reunion and Scott gets to have a moment with his daughter--which is cut short by Maria telling them they have to go. But before Maria could finish, she gets killed by the King zombie. Maria gasps as she tells Scott to save Ella and run. This is when Burt could play the traitor card and push Ella, or the friend she was trying to save, so the zombies would turn on them instead of him. Right before he gets killed. Ella promises her friend that she will take care of Geeta's children.

Scott and Ella has to run.

Meanwhile, Mikey and Marianne succeed in knocking Martin down. He drops his bag and the Queen's head rolls out--and bites Mikey. Marianne is concerned, but Mikey knew he was gonna get bit someday. Martin regains consciousness, shoots Mikey twice. Before realizing he's out of ammo. He then picks up the queen's head and threatens Marianne with it. Before he could take another step though, Mikey tackles him--and they both tumble off the helipad together. And then zombies start coming out of the stairwell. Marianne radios Vanderohe--

Who saves Dieter from a particularly strong zombie just in time. He knows they're not getting out alive. They have managed to barricade themselves by the safe using the rails. But it's about to give up. Vanderohe tells Marianne that they're gonna lock themselves up in the safe. That she should fly out and come back for them after the nuke hits. Hopefully they'll survive the blast.

Dieter and Vanderohe run for the safe. The barricade gives way. Dieter pushes Vanderohe into the safe. He pushes the safe door close before he is overwhelmed by the zombies.

Marianne is already inside the chopper. She hears Dieter's screams through the radio. She shoots a zombie and then flies out.

Scott and Ella manage to get up to a squat building to another helipad. They see Marianne's chopper flying out of the heist casino. Scott shoots a flare. But there's still light and Marianne is seen flying away instead of towards them. Scott and Ella say their goodbyes to each other. The King zombie reaches them. Scott tells Ella he loves her as he faces off with the zombie. And then the chopper arrives to take them. Scott pushes Ella to go on first. He does his best to battle the super zombie.

Inside the chopper, Marianne tells Ella that she still has guns. Ella uses one of the guns to shoot at the zombie so Scott could get into the helicopter. Which he does. But the zombie is also able to jump in.

They struggle inside the chopper.

The nuke is launched.

Marianne is focused on flying the chopper. She gets shot. But she waves it off. Saying it's just her arm. Ella has to help her fly the helicopter though.

Scott succeeds in killing the King zombie. He pushes the zombie out of the helicopter and into the tent city.

The three of them make it out.

Marianne lands the helicopter a safe distance away from Las Vegas and the nuclear blast. And then it's revealed that her "arm wound" was a shot to the stomach. And she has bled too much to survive.

Scott and Ella mourn the loss of their friends and loved ones.

And then Scott discovers he's been bit.

Ella cries. She tells Scott she may have hated him, but she never stopped loving him because he was her father. And then Scott forces her to shoot him, so he doesn't turn. She does as he wishes. She is the only survivor of the heist.

Until--we see the safe from the heist casino. It's been a few weeks since the nuclear blast. The safe door bursts open: and out comes Vanderohe. And we see he's been bitten. But he hasn't been turned into a zombie. The bite saved him from the nuclear fallout, while the radioactivity is keeping his zombie gene dormant.

And then, at a tent city, we see the King is still intact. He has been retrieved after the nuclear blast, having fallen outside of Las Vegas. And we see Bly there with a smirk.

A sequel is coming.

And that is how I would have reworked Army of the Dead.