#you could tell her that “rosas has fallen” and while it would RUIN her

[howthesleeplesswander]

Two questions in one

What are some words that will get you on your knees? Scared. And why do those words have such an impact?

Answered! || @itsthedeadlyduo

((I snorted so loud when I first read this asdlfsjd but then when Amaya replied it got sad 8'D tysm for sending this!! It was super fun to answer! ;w; ❤️))

"I beg your pardon?" Amaya's hand went to her chest, brows pinching and lips agape. At least the other quickly provided further context to clarify implied vulgarity—although their intended meaning wasn't much better.

"Truthfully, I'm concerned as to why you would ask such a thing," she said, her expression only minutely smoothing from aghast to apprehensive. Yet, almost more disturbing than the questions themselves was the speed with which answers crystallized in her mind.

Not words, but images: a collage of shattered glass, their edges razor-sharp and dripping red; obfuscated with a charcoal haze, and yet Amaya would never forget the horrors they held.

Screams and blistering fire. Horse hooves pounding on red-slicked pavement. Smoke and fear so thick she could hardly breathe.

So much destruction. So much suffering.

If Rosas was ever threatened...If she had to face the loss of another home, if she failed to protect anyone else she loved...

A familiar ache echoed deep within her bones. Amaya weathered it the same as the rocks along their fair island's shore weathered the tides: worn down by each crashing wave, but steadfast all the same. Unbroken even under the most relentless onslaught.

"No words could possibly convey the pain I would feel if anything were to happen to Rosas." And there, on the very word expressing it, the queen's voice was woven with a thread of that heart-wrenching, world-changing anguish. A deep breath wavered at the inhale, hitched in her throat before releasing again...slowly...becoming steady. When she continued, Amaya's voice was hardened by the same resolve that gleamed in her eyes.

"My husband and I built this city not from ashes and rubble, but from the strength and spirit of those who stood beside us amid that destruction. Even if the worst were to happen—" again, added the part of her that bore the scar of being hollowed out by all she'd lost, "—so long as there was a single hope for Rosas, I would not despair. I would fight for it to my final breath."

[watchmegetobsessed]

VALERIE - Part VII. (Harry Styles)

wow, its crazy we are on part 7 already! not much left of the story! thank you for the kind words on the previous post, i really need the encouraging, i’ve been having some rough days lately and they always make me smile, so please, if you enjoy this part, make sure to lik/reblog/leave a comment or basically do ANYTHING! please!

word count: 5.8k

SERIES MASTERPOST

masterlist

Staying up until six am was definitely one of your worst decisions, especially at a house with kids who do not know boundaries and do everything as they please. 

You growl in irritation when you hear muffled screaming from outside. Can’t a girl just sleep in?!

“Mmm,” you groan, burying your face further into the pillow.

“Harry! Harry!” Margaret’s bossy voice echoes out in the hallway and your eyes immediately snap open.

Sitting up you realize that you��re still in Harry’s room, more specifically in Harry’s bed, but he is not there next to you anymore, however Margaret’s footsteps are getting threateningly close. She can’t find you in Harry’s bed, she has such a big mouth, your whole family will talk about it in no time and that just can’t happen.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” you mumble in panic, jumping out of the bed and before you could process the running shower’s sound, you run into the bathroom and shut the door closed right before Margaret barges into Harry’s room. You even lock the door, knowing well she is nosy enough to come in there as well.

“Harry! Good morning!” her voice comes from the other side of the door and you rest your forehead against it huffing. That was close.

“Good morning to you too, princess!”

Harry’s voice comes from right behind you and it sends a shiver down your spine as your eyes widen. You didn’t even think that he might be in here, and apparently, he was. Turning around you find yourself standing almost toe to toe with a very much naked Harry who probably just got out of the shower. Your lips part first at the sight of him, then you suck them into your mouth, not even daring to move.

“Come and play with us!” Margaret demands. Harry’s green eyes burn into you intently, even when he answers your niece.

“Will be out to play with you in a minute. Go and grab the cards while I finish in here,” he calls out and for a few seconds you forget to breathe, trying your best to keep your eyes up on his face. 

His skin glistens in the light, still damp from the shower, droplets are running down his tattoo-covered chest and arms while his wet hair is falling into his forehead. He is surely a spectacular sight so early in the morning and you almost hate how your body reacts to him without your consent. 

Margaret’s little footsteps move over to the door before she runs out and you hear the door shutting, but the two of you still stand at the same spot. His arm reaches past you and you suck on your breath even though he doesn’t even touch you. Calmly he grabs the towel that was hanging on the door beside the door and he comfortably wraps it around his waist, eyes still burning down on you.

“I don’t mind you watching, but I think she is gone, so…” A small smirk is hiding in the corners of his mouth as he watches you snap out of your trance. 

“I, uhh--yeah. I’ll just… go. See you l-later I guess,” you stutter finally turning around and walking out of the bathroom, Harry’s soft chuckle following you. 

You make your way out of his room quite fast and sprint back to yours. Once the door is shut and locked behind you, back pressed to it you slide down to the floor in desperate need to take a few deep breaths. 

There’s no use to try and convince yourself you don’t find Harry attractive. That would be absolute bullshit, because then you wouldn’t have slept with him years ago in the first place. What frightens you however is that your newly funded friendship with him is taking away the hatred that kept you away from him all these years and you are starting to see him in a completely different light. And that cannot happen, not when you think your life is changing for the better.

You have Marcus now. You have a balanced, healthy relationship with a guy who seems to be the perfect fit for you. There’s no need to ruin everything because your stupid crush on Harry is making a comeback. 

“Get your shit together,” you tell yourself pushing yourself up from the floor, shaking your limbs out a little. You have an entire day ahead of you spent partly with Harry, you can’t lose your mind.

***

The weather is oddly warm, so following breakfast almost everyone moves outside to the backyard to soak the late december sunshine in. Aunt Teresa and your mom are taking a look at the little flower pots at the corner of the terrace, taking guesses what kind of plants will push out from the ground once spring comes. The kids are running around playing tag, making the best out of the huge backyard and endless possibilities of outside games while you sit with Lily and Jeremy, Valerie in your arms, feeling a little tired after her breakfast. Rosa put her into an overall and a fluffy hat, only her sweet little face is out, a hint of blush tinting her cheeks. 

From the corner of your eyes you see Harry walk out and he stops next to you, squatting down so he can take a look at Val.

“Hey there, Princess,” he grins widely and Valerie starts babbling to him, as if she was having a whole conversation with him while he hums along, pretending to understand every word.

If you are being honest, seeing him for the first time at breakfast after your bathroom encounter, especially with that smug smirk playing on his pink lips, you needed a few moments to get your thoughts straight, but luckily, Harry didn’t tease you about it, not even for a second, so soon enough your nerves settled and you were able to feel comfortable around him again. 

Valerie reaches out for him and he looks into your eyes asking for permission to take her from you.

“All yours,” you smile letting him lift her up from your arms and holding her in a sitting position he leaves to slowly walk around the backyard and show her the many wonders of nature around us. 

“He is so good with kids,” Lily speaks up and tearing your eyes away from Harry, you see that she is looking in his way too. 

“He is,” you nod turning back in his direction. He is showing her a dried out, brown leaf and she is watching him twirl it around in his hands as if it was one of the seven wonders.

“I’m glad Rosa chose him to be the godfather. I’m sure he and Valerie will be best friends. And she has you too,” Lily smiles at you. “You two are the perfect godparents.”

You just smile at her shyly before turning your gaze back to Harry. He catches you watching and murmurs something into Valerie’s ear before taking her little hand and making her wave in your way. Chuckling you wave back and mentally you not how you want to remember this picture forever. 

After lunch you help Teresa and Etta wash the dishes while Jeremy, Lily, Joe and Harry settle for a round of scrabble at the dining table. When you’re done in the kitchen you join them, pulling a chair next to Harry you take a look at his letters.

“I have absolutely no idea what to do,” he sighs, fingers tapping on the edge of the table.

“You have a word, and you could make it go through the triple,” you tell him, Joe and Jeremy looking up at you with a mixture of shock and anger.

“Hey, no help from outside!” Joe points at you, but you just chuckle taking Harry’s letters into your hands.

“Is it your turn?” you ask him before you’d put them down to the board. Harry nods and curiously watches you put his letters connecting to a T that was already there.

“Crottle?” Harry asks reading out the word once you are finished, the E ending up on the tile that triples the score of the word.

“I’m 99 percent sure it’s not a word,” Jeremy huffs, clearly annoyed Harry just took the lead with your word.

“It is,” you smile proudly, leaning back in your seat.

“And what does that mean?” Joe chimes in. 

“It’s a kind of lichen. In Scotland they use it to dye wool. Look it up, I’m telling the truth,” you chuckle seeing the doubtful looks.

“It is, look,” Lily tells him, handing her phone over, she probably just searched for it. Jeremy reads it then hands her back her phone, mumbling something under his breath before adding the scores to Harry’s column.

“How do you know this word?” Harry asks with a soft chuckle, but you just shrug your shoulders, folding your arms on your chest.

“I don’t know. Probably heard it somewhere.”

“Clever,” he smiles and as he turns back to the board his hand reaches over and gives a gentle squeeze to your thigh above your knee.

It’s such a short and insignificant action, doesn’t even last longer than just a second before his hand moves back to the table, but you find yourself thinking about how his touch felt even minutes later, when it’s his turn again. This time he has an idea of his own, luckily you don’t have to help him, because if he asked you to, you couldn’t have come up with anything, mind still stuck on that one touch.

Before dinner the kids find a few huge bags full of fallen leaves that must have been collected through the fall and they are quick to make a big mess, gathering the leaves into one enormous pile and they start jumping into it, no matter how many times their parents tell them to stop making such a mess. They just keep telling them that they’ll clean it up. 

“I used to love doing that,” you smile at them, sitting outside on the veranda. Harry turns to you grinning.

“Why don’t you join them?”

“What?” you chuckle. “I’m not a kid anymore.”

“Stop being so lame! Come on, I’ll jump in with you,” he offers and standing up he holds out a hand for you, but you just shake your head.

“I’ll pass.”

Harry rolls his eyes and you really think he’ll just move on, but the next thing you know is that he throws you over his shoulder, running down to the pile of leaves as you scream from the top of your lungs, demanding to be let go.

“Oh, I’ll let you go, don’t worry!” he chuckles and you already know you stand no chance against him. His strong arm is curled around your thighs too tight, there’s no way you can escape. 

“Harry! Please don’t thro--Fuck!” you scream when with one swift and elegant move he throws you off his shoulder, tossing you right into the middle of the pile, leaves flying everywhere as the pile swallows your body. 

You instantly hear the kids' laughter and when you push the leaves out of your face you stare up at a grinning Harry who is very much satisfied with the work he just did.

“Very funny and mature,” you grimace, but can’t hide the smile that tugs on your lips. 

“It is. Come on,” he chuckles holding out a hand with the intention of helping you out of the pile, but you have a better plan. 

Getting a strong grip of his hand you pull on him forcefully, hoping you have enough strength to pull him out of his balance and bring him down into the pile beside you. 

Luckily, your plan works out. He wasn’t expecting your revenge, so he easily loses balance once you pull on him, making him fly straight into the pile next to you, leaves rustling under his body, making an even bigger mess than it was before. 

“Hah! I bet you did not expect this!” you scoff once his head pops out from under the dry leaves. He shoots you a murderous look before launching right at you and soon enough a whole fight blossoms where the two of you are constantly throwing handfuls of leaves at each other, trying to bury the other into the pile. 

“Okay, okay, stop!” you shriek when your hair is full of crumbles and you’ve been rolling around for quite a while. Harry is kneeling beside you, hands full of leaves, ready to attack any moment.

“I only stop if you say that you’ll never plot anything against me and that I’m your one and only true king.”

“What?” you snort. “I’m not saying that!” Harry is quick to throw one handful of leaves right into your face making you scream again. “Alright! Alright! I will never plot anything against you!” you hold your hands up, trying to stop him from throwing the other bunch from his hand.

“And?”

“And…” You look at him, holding your laughter back as he patiently waits for you to finish. “And you are my one and only true king.”

He takes a deep breath through his nose before finally throwing the leaves away. He holds a hand out for you, but you stare at it hesitantly.

“Don’t be such a baby, I’m not gonna do anything,” he rolls his eyes, but you see the hidden smile on his lips. At last you take his hand and he helps out get op from the ground. Your pants and hoodie is filled with dirt stains and crumbles, it’s gonna take a while to get them out of your hair as well.

“You two are worse than the kids!” Lily laughs as you and Harry basically do a walk of shame, getting inside the house all dirty and muddy.

“All his fault!” you say, holding your hands up innocently.

“Uh-huh, no one believes that,” Harry snorts.

“Since I look like this because of you, I’m gonna take a shower in your bathroom. I need the luxury to wash this all off myself,” you state walking down the hallway.

“Only after I’m done in there.”

“Hey!” you snap pointing a finger at him. “The least you can do is to let me go first!”

“You have to beat me, Love,” he smirks and the two of you launch at the same time.

You knew you’d stand no chance, since you have to get all your stuff in your room before running into his, but you still tried. Holding your towels and showering and hair products to your chest you barge into his room, only to find it completely empty, the bathroom door closed.

“Ah, fuck you!” you call out with a frustrated growl, but just as you are about to leave, the door opens and Harry peeks out.

“It’s cute you thought you could beat me,” he chuckles walking out and holding the door open for you. Walking past him you stick your tongue out at him before you shut the door behind you and after a moment of hesitation you lock it. 

It feels great to wash the dirt off yourself and when you step out of the shower you feel like a new person. You wrap your hair up into one of the towels before curling the other one around your body. Gathering your things you hold everything to your chest tightly, this way holding the towel as well as you walk out of the bathroom. 

Harry is lying on his bed, scrolling through his phone when his eyes snap over to you. He doesn’t shy away from taking a long look at your uncovered legs as you walk around the bed heading to the door.

“The bathroom is all yours, thanks for the chance,” you smile shyly.

“So you’re not staying to wash my back? Not a nice way to treat your king!” he teases you, but you just roll your eyes at him before walking out of his room and shutting his door. 

Even though you know it was just a joke, your mind wanders over to the scene where the two of you shower together, hands touching and feeling up each other. You suck on your breath, shaking your head, trying to get rid of the thought as you lock yourself up in your own room while Harry is probably over at his bathroom, just getting under the hot water. 

***

After dinner you all gather in the sunroom, wrapped in fluffy blankets, drinking tea or hot chocolate, Aunt Monica of yourse scotch, and you start opening gifts one by one, watching everyone’s reaction.

Of course, the kids go first, tearing their presents’ wrapping apart as they reveal all the new toys. Dolls, board games, books and video games, they are truly spoiled, but with such a big family they can always expect some pretty cool gifts. Then it’s the adults’ turn. Sitting on the sofas and armchairs, you hand around the boxes and watch each other get surprised.

Your mom and dad have bought you a beautiful gold ring, one you’ve been talking about for ages after the first time you saw it at a shop. Rosa and Steven ordered a bunch of books from your Amazon wishlist and framed a montage of you and Val, it was truly a sweet gesture.

From your cousins and aunts you get some clothes and gift cards to your favorite places, just what you’ve been needing. 

“These ones are the last,” Rosa smiles up holding two not too big gifts, an excited smile pulling on her lips. “They are from Valerie, to her amazing godparents.”

She hands one to you and one to Harry and you place it carefully on your lap. Exchanging a look with Harry the two of you start opening the wrapping paper at the same time. As soon as the glittery paper is gone you can’t help the smile that pulls on your lips. Seems like Rosa had a thing with framing pictures this year, because you are looking down at a photo of you, Valerie and Harry from a few weeks ago.

It was taken in their backyard and you’re holding her in your arms, smiling widely as Valerie is giggling happily at her mother behind the camera. Harry is standing close to you, one arm around your shoulders, his other hand holding Val’s tiny hand. He is hunching down a little to lessen the height difference between the two of you, a genuine smile plastered across his handsome face. 

“Thank you,” you breathe out feeling a little sentimental about the photo. Seeing the three of you so happy and carefree in one picture reminds you how much things have changed since Valerie’s arrival. She really is the reason why you and Harry are now… friends. Yes, you definitely see him as a friend now instead of an enemy. 

Gift opening ends and you all just stay there in the sunroom, talking and laughing, but your eyes wander over to Harry, because there is one gift left that hasn’t been opened. You bought it quite randomly and you don’t even consider it a real Christmas gift, but you’ll give it to him anyway. Later, when it’s gonna be just the two of you.

“You know, if someone showed me this picture a few months ago I would have told them it must be photoshopped,” Harry chuckles sitting down next to you. The kids have whined long enough to play one round of UNO where everyone plays. You were the second one to get rid of all your cards, Harry following you in the next round so now you are left out of the game that is seemingly taken very seriously by everyone. Loser has to clean up all the wrapping paper, so no one shies away from throwing in their best cards.

Harry is holding the framed photo in his hands, he got the exact same one, but in a darker colored frame.

“Crazy, right?” you chuckle. “I think it’s our first photo together since the wedding,” you say thinking about it.

Harry nods realizing you’re right. You had one photo taken at the wedding. When Rosa and Steven were having their first dance they asked everyone else to join them at the end and Harry was quick to ask if you wanted to dance with him. Naturally, you said yes, so you slow danced, not even noticing that the photographer snapped the moment when your cheeks were pressed together, your arms hugging his neck as he held you close by your waist. 

You still have that photo saved on your phone, though it brought you quite some pain when you first saw it, the memories from that morning flooding back to you ruthlessly when you scrolled through the pictures a few weeks later.

“It was time we had a new one,” he smiles at you and that smile means a lot to you. It shows that your newly funded friendship is just as important to him as it is to you. It’s nice to know he is not just acting so Rosa wouldn’t worry about the two of you. You successfully overcome that stage by now. 

It’s nearing midnight when the party dies down and everyone slowly starts to return to their rooms. You do the same, using Harry’s bathroom to shower without even asking him. He just chuckles when you walk in. He is already in his night clothes, scrolling through his phone.

When you’re done you’re walking past his bed, but before you leave you stop at the door.

“Harry?”

“Hmm?” his eyes move up to you.

“I have something for you.” Harry looks at you a little puzzled, but you don’t go into details, just go back to your room.

Just as you were expecting, he follows you and by the time you throw your dirty clothes into your suitcase he is standing at the door. You grab the little box and sit on your bed gesturing to him to do the same. Curiously eyeing you, he closes the door and joins you, a small smile tugging on his lips.

“I got you a Christmas present,” you tell him smirking in excitement, and you see his face completely fall.

“Fuck, Y/N, I didn’t know you would, so I didn’t get you anything. If I would have known--”

“Shush, it’s not even a real gift. Just a little something that reminded me of you.”

You hold out your hand, palm facing up as the box sits in the middle. Harry hesitantly glances down at it, back at you and then his eyes settle on the box as he slowly takes it. You watch his fingers work on it, gently opening the little paper box that you didn’t even wrap.

The little silvery keychain slides out into his palm and he examines it with furrowed eyebrows, reading the two words it forms.

“For fuck’s sake,” he chuckles shaking his head when he finally realizes what it says, holding his gift up that reads ‘twerk it’ and it even lights up if he switches it on at the back.

“I just saw it and it screamed for you, I couldn’t not buy it,” you laugh, enjoying the scene a tad bit too much. It’s a subtle reference to the night in the bar when the two of you sang together at the karaoke machine and Harry swore he did not twerk in the middle of the performance, but you remember it clearly, no need to deny. You’ve been teasing him with it since then constantly and thought it would be funny to take it a step further.

“I’m… speechless,” he chuckles, carefully sliding it back into the box. “I’ll put it to my keys. I’ll always know which one is mine,” he shakes his head.

He stays in your room and the two of you are quick to start chatting about anything and everything. Harry tells you about Christmases at his family and you think how fun it all sounds, wishing you could go with him tomorrow. 

“When are you leaving in the morning?” you ask. The two of you are now comfortable in bed, an unspoken agreement has been settled that you’re sleeping together again. Deep down you were hoping for it to happen again, but you weren’t sure how it would stand with Harry, you thought he only agreed to it last night because you both were drunk. But when he slid under your covers when he was in the middle of a story you smiled, knowing he won’t be leaving tonight.

“Um, I have to leave before seven. My flight is at eleven and I need to get my stuff from my place before I head to the airport,” he sighs, fidgeting with the pillowcase as you are both lying on your sides facing each other. “Do you have a lift back home?”

“Yeah, already talked to Aunt Monica,” you nod into the pillow. 

Harry lets out a yawn and buries his head deeper into the pillow, making himself comfortable. His eyes flutter closed and you use this chance to take a good look at his peaceful features. He truly is a beautiful man, no doubt about that. You wonder if he realizes that about himself too, or he thinks otherwise.

Reaching to the nightstand you turn the lamp off, bringing darkness over the room and turning back to face Harry you try to relax and fall asleep, but it’s not really working. There are too many thoughts whirling around in your mind and quite a few questions you want to ask him. 

“Harry?” you whisper, hoping he hasn’t fallen asleep.

“I still think you have a good ass, if that’s what you want to ask,” he mumbles keeping his eyes closed. You let out a chuckle.

“It’s not.” You see his eyes open as he glances at you waiting for you to tell him what’s on your mind. “Why were you such an asshole that morning?”

Out of everything you’d ever wanted to ask, this is the most burning question you’ve been dying to find an answer to since day one. Now, after such a wonderful time spent around each other your confusion about his actions just grew way bigger and you just couldn’t keep it to yourself anymore. This side of him you got to see during the holidays is nowhere near the one that kicked you out of his room in the morning, but a lot like the one you first met the night before. The switch between these two sides was so fast and unexpected, you couldn’t wrap your head around it, not even years later.

His jaw clenches and he stays silent for quite a while, you start to think he won’t even answer, but then he speaks up. 

“I… don’t know. I panicked.”

“From what? Me?”

“I just…” Sucking his bottom lip in between his teeth he bites into it harshly before letting go of it. “This is how it has always been. This is what I always do.”

“With other girls?” you ask and he nods. 

“But I do realize that I was an asshole. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I’ve never felt more humiliated.” Your voice dies at the end as you feel your throat closing up. Even after all these years you still remember clearly how his words made you feel. 

“I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve to be treated like that,” he breathes out and reaching out he quickly pulls you into his embrace. You bury your face into his chest without a second thought as you try to swallow your tears. “I fucked up, I’m sorry.”

“You could have just told me you didn’t want anything serious. It wouldn’t have been that painful than being treated like a slut,” you mumble, his hands soothingly caressing your arm over his stomach and your back. 

There’s a short pause before he speaks again. “I know. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

It’s the last thing that’s spoken. Once you have gotten it all off your chest, you feel relief and calmness coming over you as Harry keeps gently stroking your skin. Sleep comes to you faster and easier than ever. 

It’s bright outside when you turn around in bed, arm reaching out, expecting to find Harry lying next to you, but it’s just the empty mattress. Taking a deep breath you open your eyes and realize that you in fact are alone in your bed. Checking the time on your phone you see that it’s already past nine, meaning that Harry might even be at the airport by now. Pulling your knees up to your chest you stare down at the side of the bed where Harry slept. You can’t help, but feel disappointed he didn’t even say goodbye, but he probably just didn’t want to wake you up.

You shuffle over to his room and it stands empty. Sitting down to the edge of the bed you stare out the window, an unsettling feeling boiling inside you as you think about Harry flying away from the country. It’s silly, you know he is just going to see his family, but selfishly you wish he stayed there with you the whole time and the two of you went back home together. 

Walking back to your room you see that you have a new text. It’s from Harry. Opening it you see that he just sent you a video. It’s nothing else, but his hand as he locks his home’s door, turning the key twice, his keychains and other keys jingling in his hold and that’s when you see the gift he got from you yesterday. You can’t push your smile down.

“Have fun at home! X” you write him quickly, and he is quick to like the message, no reply. 

It’s a whole blur between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, you spend time with Marcus, clean up your apartment for the new year like you usually do, get some work done between the holidays and go furniture shopping with Rosa and Steven. In just a blink of an eye you are getting ready to head out to this lowkey party Marcus invited you to tag along for New Year’s Eve. You didn’t really have plans, you usually did something spontaneous with one of your friends or colleagues. Last year you were with Rosa and Steve. She was already heavily pregnant so it was a rather quiet evening, you were in bed by one am. 

It seems like this year is gonna be a little more excited, but you are just not that thrilled to celebrate, if you’re being honest, but you go anyway. 

It really is just a small gathering with food and drinks in a nice apartment downtown. Everyone seems nice and Marcus makes sure to include you in every conversation so you don’t feel like a stranger. 

When the clock strikes midnight he pulls you close and kisses you softly as everyone cheers and glasses a clinking around you. Soon enough the phone calls and texts start flowing in and everyone seems caught up in all the well wishes as the first minutes of the new year pass by. 

Harry’s name is the last one to pop up on your screen, but he is calling you instead of just shooting you a text. Excusing yourself you step out to the balcony so you can hear him.

“Hey,” you breathe out answering the call.

“Happy New Year!” he cheers, some chatter coming from somewhere behind him and you wonder who he is celebrating with.

“Happy New Year,” you smile wrapping your free arm around your figure. You should have brought your coat with you. “Having fun?”

“Yeah, but no one wants to do karaoke, I have the lamest friends,” he tells you chuckling and you let out a laugh.

“Should have invited me too.”

“Definitely,” he huffs. “That way my face could have been the first thing you saw in the new year!” he jokes and you laugh letting your head fall back.

“I truly missed out on that, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, shame.” You hear someone call out his name and he shouts back a quick reply. “I gotta go, but happy new year again, Y/N,” he softly says into the phone, his voice sweet like honey.

“Happy new year, Harry,” you smile before the line cuts off.

Your gaze wanders over to the bright city lights ahead you and a thought runs over your head, sending a shiver down your spine.

Why did you enjoy this short conversation with Harry way more than the kiss you shared with Marcus at midnight?

***

You watched your sister and her new husband slow dance in awe. The bright shine in her eyes was something you were sure you’d never forget. You’ve seen the fill up with tears so many times, you wished you’d only see her like this for the rest of her life.

After the second half of the song couples started joining them on the dancefloor, including your parents and cousins with their spouses. A soft sigh escaped your lips that you wouldn’t share this feeling with them, but then a hand appeared in your sight.

“Want to dance?”

Harry was smiling down at you with so much charm, you felt a little stunned at first, just staring up at him with parted lips before you realized that he was waiting for your answer.

Sliding your hand into his, you tried to ignore how the warms of his palm made you shudder and after you stood up he walked you right to the dance floor, the two of you turning to face each other. It took a few seconds to figure out where your hands went, but eventually it all came together and you started dancing, chests pressed together and you were very aware of his hand on your waist. You’d had a few champagnes by now and you could definitely feel your cheeks heating up from being so close to him.

“I have to tell you this is my first time slow dancing with a guy,” you admitted biting into your bottom lip. Harry turned his head a little so he could look into your eyes.

“Really? What about school dances?”

“I was… I never had a proper date at them. Usually went with my friends.”

Harry’s eyes lingered over your gaze and for a heart beat, they wandered down to your lips before his green orbs returned to your eyes. You felt his hand squeeze your waist gently as a smile tugged on his lips.

“It’s an honor to be the first one.”

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[d4rk3stn1ght]

My Love

Happy Holidays @missfay49 ! I was your gift giver this year for @sanderssidesgiftxchange and hope you enjoy your gift. Well the final one. I had some interesting ideas for yours with the list I was given and still have the drafts of them. Anyway enjoy!

Notes: Remus goes by it/its pronouns. Logan’s pronouns in this fic are star/stars. Janus goes by they/them. Roman’s just plain he/him

Ships: Roceit, background Intrulogical 

The masquerade ball, a perfect time for anyone to talk with the princes. The castle was alight with people from all over the kingdom attempting for his hand despite his disdain against things like this. He had actually fallen for someone but it would not fit with his parent’s agenda. So here he was beside his sibling, looking across the room of people. This was his scene but he has never felt so unwelcome. Girls in dresses fawning over him while closeted men watched him in awe. The straight jealous men glared at him as their girlfriends or wives watched with want. Prince Roman sighed heavily. 

His sibling was not fit for the throne so it was allowed to have the person it wanted, the royal scientist Dr. Logan Omair. Currently Logan was talking with a few other scientists but as soon as the ball truly started Remus would take star away to the labs to be given another experiment to try. Remus had become the doctor’s personal lab rat as long as it wouldn’t cause any physical damage or permanent disfiguration. Remus’ mask was black with dark green along with its outfit. It was wearing the ring to show it was currently unavailable.

Roman was jealous his sibling could have who it desired while he had to deal with the crowd of fake people. His own love would be killed for being here. They could change forms due to magic but were often referred to as the Dragon Witch. The one he was supposed to kill to maintain peace for generations to come. He sighed before spotting a familiar black and gold dress. It couldn’t be. The mask hid half of their face that was the same colors as the dress, elegant. He chuckled fondly at seeing them but refrained from moving just yet, even though his being screamed at him to go to them. They moved a gloved hand to their lips with a smile before heading out to the balcony. Roman nodded at the hint while looking towards his parents to have them begin the ball.

Once the announcement was made Roman dashed to the balcony where his love was waiting.

“Jan,” he spoke fondly at almost a whispers volume.

“Lovely to see you here my prince.”

“What are you doing here?” He moved his hands to take their’s.

“Are you complaining?” They tease gently.

“No, I’m just worried for you my dear,” Roman states sincerely.

“I know, but I can handle my own. Care to dance?”

“Only with you. Thank you for coming,” he moved to pull them into a gentle dance to the music flowing from inside.

“Of course. I couldn’t leave you here to fend for yourself against these hungry wolves,” they smile gently, “they would tear my poor handsome prince to shreds if I weren’t here.”

“I am not defensless!” Roman squaked indignatly at the insult.

“Here you are,” they state gently to ease the insult.

“No-”

“My dear you don’t have your sword and your guard is down.”

He sighed but pressed his forehead to theirs dejectedly, “I hate it when you’re right.”

“You love me anyway and I love you for everything you are,” they moved to press a soft kiss to his forehead.

Roman’s face tinted pink, “don’t start this tonight. I don’t want to be flustered or as red as my sash by the end of this evening.”

“I think you look dashing either way.”

“My love, please?”

“Perhaps some other time then?” They ask quietly.

“In my chambers or your place.”

“My how scandalous,” Janus teases in a laugh.

His face heats up as he almost yells, “not like that!”

“I’m only teasing, my sweet prince,” they move slightly closer to gently lay their head against his shoulder, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Roman returns mournfully.

“I missed having you beside me and the sweet tender moments before you had to leave me again.”

“Yes… though should I tell my parents I have chosen then we can have that more often.”

“Yes, I will also get to meet this sibling of yours that you rant so often about.”

He groans, “oh no. Double the magical trouble.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Janus almost grins at the idea.

“Make it triple.”

“Excuse me?”

“Logan would want to know.”

“Star already does,” they hum before kissing his jaw affectionately.

“What?” He looks at them with pure confusion and shock.

“Star isn’t completely human either, my sunlight.”

“That would explain a lot…”

Janus chuckles slightly, “I wish we could go to the garden.”

“Soon. I promise.”

“You need to tell your parents,” they remind him.

“I know. I’m not excited to listen to the complaints that I didn’t dance with everyone,” he shudders at the thought.

“It’s polite though,” Janus points out.

“That doesn’t make it any better to deal with.”

“I know but at least try.”

“I will. I will try but I cannot promise anything.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” he moves one of their hands to his lips to gently kiss their knuckles. He sets it back in the form as he led the next dance.

“Don’t want to let go?” They tease again.

“I really don’t,” Roman admits, ”I prefer having you in my arms to admire as we talk about our future or even just dance together. I would rather stay here with you and be able to kiss you again and again until we’re breathless. I want to wake up with you in my arms and not have to worry about you being hurt or killed. I like this. I want this. I want you.”

“Shhhh my love,” they cup his face gently with the mask hiding most of the small blush, “I know. Soon you will have that and more. You will get to wake up every morning with me by your side. I love you and you have me. However, think of this like a game. I am the treasure at the end but you need to dance your way out.”

“Are you serious?” He looks at them with a stranger look.

“Is it working?”

“Yes. I will see you soon my dear but I’m sure my mother will be here soon to talk to you. Be careful please,” Roman tries to puppy eye Janus who only chuckles at it.

“I will. You go have fun. I will be right here awaiting your return,” they put a hand to their forehead, mocking the girls inside and laughing at the motion. 

“Thank you,” they state before walking to the smaller gazebo in the middle of the garden before exhaling slowly. Tonight had been very stressful for them and it was almost over. They sat on one of the benches and watched the breeze blow through the rose bush. The garden was beautiful, much better than anything Roman could’ve ever described. Their favorite flower growing nearby Roman’s made it seem all the more romantic to them. It couldn’t ever beat the privacy of the meadow but it definitely topped the wildflowers. They looked up to the sky with a peaceful smile. The stars seemed to shimmer even brighter tonight but that might be due to the love and hope their heart felt.

They shake their head before looking over the balcony with a gentle sigh. Janus startled slightly at someone leaning against it beside them. They stood up and looked at their new guest, “oh, apologies, your majesty.”

“No need dear. My son seemed happier to dance with you.”

“Yes, I’ve seen him quite often lately.”

“Is he unhappy?” She asks with concern.

“With you or your husband? No. He just dislikes the tradition,” they try to ease her worries

“Ah, he’s stated that. You must be Jan then.”

“Yes ma’am,” Janus stiffens slightly before relaxing. Queen Rosa wouldn’t know.

“It’s lovely to meet you finally. I’m sure he’ll tell us that you’re the one soon.”

“I told him to try and dance with a few others,” they shake their head with a sigh.

“He has his heart set on you dear.”

“I know and I am happy for such but I would think he would still be polite,” they sigh exasperatedly.

“He’s trying but most here don’t know how to dance,” the comment from the Queen made them both giggle.

“That is true. I was pulled into one by a male that seemed to have two left feet,” they wince at the memory. They’ll need to ice their feet later but so would Roman.

“Where did you learn to dance?”

“Your son taught me mostly but also books and other ways to learn.”

“Fast learner?”

“Of course. Not as fast as Dr. Omair however.”

“Yes, that boy can learn things within five minutes of seeing whatever it is,” she shakes her head fondly at the memory.

“It’s commendable.”

“Yes it is. If you need anything at all you can come to me.”

“Thank you for the offer.”

“You’re welcome. I’m sure you’d like to wait in the garden for him,” Queen Rosa teases them slightly.

“If you don’t mind,” they sheepishly say.

“Of course not. The guard will take you there,” she motions one over, “take good care of him for me?”

“Of course. Thank you for your blessing,” Janus curtseyed their goodbye to the Queen.

She gave a nod before walking back to her husband. Janus followed the guard through the castle. They muttered a spell to check on the thoughts of the guard that held no malice towards them. They didn’t know about Jan being the dragon witch just yet. The guard stopped at the edge of the garden and motioned them in.

Janus sighs softly. What was taking him so long? There weren't any shots or explosions. Were the people inside refusing to leave? What was going on? They started to mutter another spell when the garden gate opened. They whipped around with a dagger and held it up against someone’s throat.

“Yes, a surprise. Not bad I promise,” Roman quickly adds on when he noticed the worry.

“Roman?”

“Your reaction time is getting quicker,” he chuckles before pointing the dagger away from his throat, “sorry it took me so long.”

Jan gives a huff of a laugh before hugging him tightly, “you blocked my spell.”

“I know! I didn’t think I could do that!” Roman excitedly exclaimed.

“Why did you block me? I thought something happened,” Jan hesitantly admits in a mutter.

“I couldn’t let you ruin the surprise.”

“The surprise?” They looked up at him from where they were holding him.

“I’m sure it can wait a little bit longer.”

“It can,” he started swaying them side to side as he hummed the previous song. Janus started humming along as they closed their eyes. Roman’s heartbeat was quick but steady but it helped just listening. He was okay, nothing happened. They let themselves relax slowly. Their shoulders slowly lowered from their tense posture as Roman continued to hum softly.

“Feel better?” Roman asks softly after a while.

“Mhm,” Jan confirms, “you still have a lovely voice.”

“Well thank you my love.”

“You said you had a surprise for me.”

“Darn. I thought I gave you enough time to forget.”

“Not this time,” they tease tiredly.

“Alright but you gotta let go.”

“Not yet,” they tighten their grip.

“Jaaan,” he whines.

“No. Suffer,” Janus jokes.

“You’re so mean to me,” Roman playfully pouts.

“I am not,” they gently booped him with a sleepy giggle.

“You’re sleepy.”

“Yes, but I won’t sleep until you tell me what the surprise is,” Janus stubbornly says.

“Then let go.”

“Fine,” they hesitantly let go of their lover who immediately moved to one knee with the ring and a smile.

“Oh you-” Jan cuts themselves off.

“Janus, my love, my stars, my everything ever since that one fateful day where you saved me from another dragon’s attack I knew you were the one. You have been nothing but loyal and real. You never let my title get in the way and you helped me see that there is good. Thank you for being here with me and by my side ever since that day. And I would like to ask for your hand in marriage.”

Janus gave him a small teary smile, “of course I will marry you.”

Roman’s smile brightens as he slips the ring onto their finger and kisses them deeply that they happily return even when swept off their feet, not for the last time.

[rositxespinosa]

It’s Complicated:Ch. 5

Remus x OC Rosalina Redd

Warnings: None other than a sprinkle of angst

Enjoy! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You let out a shaky breath, pacing your empty classroom. A few weeks had passed and you had yet to confess your feelings to Remus. The anticipation was growing heavy. You wanted to, of course. You even had the chance the other day, but your nerves got the best of you. You thought over all the possible outcomes of telling him, letting your anxiety consume you fully. 

As you walked the large room, you let your mind wander. You thought of the pros and cons of confessing, how awkward it might be, and how if it didn’t work out your friendship would be ruined. Trying not to let your anxiety control your brain, you focused on thinking only of the positives. How it would be to call him yours, how you could be closer to him like you’d wanted for ages now. You stopped in place, looked at the time, and realized you had class in fifteen minutes.

Taking a long, deep breath, you made your final decision. You were going to tell him. Later this afternoon you’d be meeting in your office for tea. That’s when you were going to tell him.

***

Class had been disastrous. At least in your opinion. You were distracted, and the students noticed. Especially Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who stole suspicious glances at one another throughout the lesson. You couldn’t blame them though. You were acting entirely out of character.

 Once class had finally ended you walked back to your room and plopped down on the bed face first, already dreading what was to come in a few hours.

***

After laying in bed for a while, you heaved yourself up and started getting ready to meet up with Remus. You dressed in black jeans, a black sweater over your white, collared blouse, and a pair of beige flats. You finished dressing and made your way back down to your office. 

 It was nearly two in the afternoon, and Remus would be arriving soon. Upon entering the office, you tidied up your desk, putting away old papers and wiping it down with a cloth. You were preparing a tea-tray when there was a soft rapt on the open door.

“Come in!” You chirped. Your back was turned from the door, but you knew it Remus. 

“Good afternoon Rosa.” He greeted, sitting down in his favorite chair.

“Here,” You set the tray down on your desk, letting Remus prepare his tea how he liked. “How has your day been?” You asked. Your nerves were starting to creep up on you, but you had to tell him. No more putting it off. He sighed, looking tired, but smiled at you all the same. 

“Tiring, I suppose. But fun nonetheless. You?” 

You told him of your day, excluding the part where you were a nervous wreck. The conversation went on for some time, and you noticed that Remus seemed....off. He looked glum, and his answers were unusually short. His brown eyes wore dark circles beneath them, and he seemed distant. There were many explanations for this, so you tried not to let your mind settle on it. An hour of forced conversation had passed, and he started to stand from his seat. 

“Remus wait, please. There is something I must tell you.” Your voice was calm, but inside you were panicking.  He sat back down, assuring you he was going to stay. 

“What is it Rosa? Tell me what’s bothering you.” He appeared more awake, and there was a look of interest in his eyes. You readjusted in your seat, becoming more anxious by the second. 

“Well, you see,” You started. You took a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves,  and continued.

 “We’ve been spending quite a lot of time together, and we have become great friends, but,” You paused, making sure he was still listening, which he was, intently.

“I can’t help but want more. My head has told me one thing but my heart screams another.” His face contorted with slight confusion before his eyes started to brighten in realization. But he let you continue. 

 “What I am saying Remus, is that I have come to develop strong feelings for you, and I couldn’t bare to keep them to myself any longer.” You sat in your seat, heart beating uncontrollably fast, staring deep into his eyes, waiting for him to speak. Moments past, and he had yet to say anything. You could feel tears brim your eyes. He wouldn’t even look at you.

“Remus?” You whispered, your voice breaking.

“You can’t.” He finally spoke, speaking more to himself than you. “You can’t.” He repeated, looking at you with sadness. You furrowed your brows, about to question what he meant, but he continued.

“Rosalina you don’t mean what you say. You hardly know me.” He spat bitterly. His tone shocked you. He had never spoken to you so harshly before. You never thought he would.

“That’s not true Remus.” You whispered as a tear escaped your eye, rolling down your cheek.

“Oh but it is. You need to stay away from me Rosalina. Far away from me. I beg you.” His tone switched from bitter to pained as he begged you to stay away. The single tear on your cheek was joined by many more as hot tears freely flowed down your face. He stood up and made his was to the door hastily. Turning back he looked at you, sympathy drawn on his scarred face.

“One day you will understand. But for now, I must go, and we must remain apart.” He walked out, leaving you sat there, tears streaming down your face as you stifled your sobs. You felt like someone ripped your heart out of your chest. You were heartbroken, confused, and regretful. At that moment you wished you hadn’t said anything at all.

***

Remus felt disgusted with himself. His stomach flipped in every direction, making him nauseous. The woman he had fallen in love with confessed that she felt the same, and he turned her down. He had sprinted out of her office as quickly as he could manage to avoid the pained look in her eyes. He hurt her. He hurt her and he hated himself more for it. Remus wanted nothing more than to call Rosalina his, but he just couldn’t. He couldn’t allow himself the pleasure of such a beautiful woman. The insecurity embedded within him constantly reminded him of how undeserving he was of her love; of anyone’s love.

 Pacing in his office, he brewed himself a cup of tea to calm his anxiety. Remus sat, sipping his tea, and thinking of what his old friends would say. James would encourage him, assuring him that he was as worthy of love as anyone else, no matter his condition. Peter would no doubt agree to whatever James said. Sirius would be more harsh with his form of encouragement, telling him how if he didn’t ask her out, someone else would. A small smile formed on his face at the memory of the ones he lost. But upon remembering his friends, Remus felt a rush of serenity wash over him, clearing his once troubled mind. They always did have that kind of affect on him.

In his heart he knew he couldn’t lose her. It would drive him completely and utterly mad. But his mind screamed at him all the reasons why it was wrong. Sitting in tense silence, he heard the words Sirius used to live by; “What’s life without a little risk?” 

 Without a second thought, he stood up, placed his tea down on his desk, and walked through the door.

***

Draped across the bed, surrounded by many used tissues, you lay. A few stray tears escaped your eyes, and you sniffed, staring off into the distance. Your eyes were sore and puffy from crying, and your chest ached. 

 Here you were, a grown woman, having a breakdown over a man. There’s other fish in the sea! You tired telling yourself. But they would never be him. They would never make you feel the same as Remus did. Or have his tall stature, his voice, his intelligence, his brown ey-

You snapped out of it, coming back to reality. You felt pathetic. A fresh set of hot tears started forming in your eyes, threatening to spill. 

Another hour passed, and you had just finished throwing yourself your second pity party when you sat up, looked around, and shook your head. This has to stop  you said aloud to yourself. Yes, you were hurt, but you couldn’t stay like this forever, no matter how badly you wanted to.

 Attempting to make yourself feel better, you got up, cleaned off your bed, and opened the windows. You went to the bathroom to freshen up and decided to go back down to your office to grade assignments; you needed to get your mind off the matter.

While in the middle of grading papers, there was a knock on the door. You looked up at the noise. You went to the door and opened it, figuring it was one of your students. But you were wrong.

It was Remus.

X

[justlightlysedated]

holding on to what we used to be (addicted to a memory)

for @michaels-blackhat, who asked for “heat”, “magic” and “proof,” so naturally, another the magicians au

The memories don’t come all at once, and some of them leave him paralyzed at the worst times.

But the worst thing about them isn’t what he remembers, it’s opening his eyes and seeing Michael sitting across the room from him and feeling for one hopeful second that maybe it’s his Michael, and then having that Monster, smile a smile that would’ve never found itself on Michael’s face, and Alex remembers.

***

Isobel is the only one who can confirm that Alex is telling the truth.

Letting her into his head is one of the hardest things that he’s ever had to do, especially with the fact that he remembers an infinite number of timelines where he fell in love with Michael, and he remembers vividly one specific timeline that went on for an entire lifetime, where they didn’t die young and tragic but old and happy.

Isobel tears through his head like a tornado, and Alex tries to keep a lid on things and only show her what she needs to see to believe him, but she blows pass every single one of his wards with ease once he lowers the shield a little bit.

Alex freezes for a long moment and sees Michael crystal clear wrinkles lining his face, greying hair still falling to curls on his forehead, and he’s laughing and looking at Alex, and Alex feels loved, loved, loved.

He pushes Isobel back and she disengages from his head with a snap and a pained gasp.

He slams his shields back up and scrambles away from her, climbing over the back of the couch.

“Alex!” she calls out to him.

Alex ignores her and leaves the room.

***

Alex dreams of heat.

Michael’s hands warm and damp wrapped around his wrists pressing him down to the bed, hot damp air against his neck as Michael presses his face into Alex’s throat, panting and gasping and groaning, Michael’s thighs pressed on either side of his hips, sliding across the sweaty skin, Michael hot and tight around as he moved his hips slowly, like they had all of the time in the world because they did.

Alex wakes up sweaty, and hard, and aching, and wanting, and he turns in his bed and grasps at the empty side of the bed where Michael should be, but is not because Alex was too late and ruined everything before it even began. He buries his head in his pillow and cries.

***

Alex sits on the floor with his back against the couch. He watches as the flames from the fire in the fireplace throws shadows all along the walls that seem to be dancing in tune to the music that is literally shaking the walls.

The shadows could be enchanted or it could be the brownies that Liz and Isobel had made together. Which was still odd.

Liz and Isobel getting along. They’d spent so long at each other’s throats over Rosa that Alex still didn’t know how to feel about this truce they’d struck up.

“Are you going to stay inside all night?” Michael asks from behind him.

Alex doesn’t jump since he’d sensed Michael in the room about five minutes ago, but he is surprised that Michael is talking to him.

It’s been two weeks since they expelled the Monster from his body, and Alex swore that he was avoiding him, but that might have to do with the fact that Alex was most definitely avoiding Michael.

“I was planning on going to get a refill,” Alex says making to stand, but suddenly there is a drink floating on a small tray in front of him. The ice has melted just a little bit, and the tray wobbles a little, but it makes Alex smile.

Michael had been terrified of using his magic since before the Monster had taken him over.

He takes the drink gratefully, and feels Michael hopping over the side arm of the couch and sitting down. He leans down, resting his elbow right beside Alex’s head and tilts his drink to Alex’s.

“To surviving,” Michael says and taps their glasses together.

Alex taps his back to Michael’s. “To surviving.”

***

“Are you going to keep pretending that you don’t want me?” Michael asks and Alex almost trips and falls down the side of the river and into the rushing water.

They’ve been on this quest for three days now, and they still haven’t found the place where they’re supposed to be building the mosaic to find the key.

“I don’t-” he tries to say, but Michael makes a rude noise at the back of his throat and tugs Alex away from the edge of the river and right up against a nearby tree.

Alex feels the rough bark against his back, and Michael presses in close stopping inches away from his mouth.

“It would make this thing go by much faster if you just give in now, but I know you’re scared, so I’m willing to wait, but you do realize that this has been the longest amount of time we have spent alone together since you woke up naked in my bed?”

Alex swallows hard.

“It’s kind of driving me crazy,” Michael admits voice low.

***

They have a plan, made by a still feuding Liz and Isobel, but they’d put aside their differences and grudges to help Alex kill the Monster using Michael’s body as his personal meat suit.

It’s been days since the Monster admitted that Michael was no longer alive in there, and Alex still can’t bring himself to look at it in the face.

The plan is simple. The Monster loves to play with Alex, probably because of the excruciating face that Alex makes whenever he’s reminded that this isn’t Michael, and Alex sometimes enables it because he’d prefer the Monster to be fixated on him than tearing apart through an entire city block’s worth of people.

Maria and the Monster appear together and she looks a little worse for wear, but she gives Alex a smile when he looks at her.

The Monster smiles when it sees Alex and lets go of Maria to saunter forward.

“Alex!” it exclaims happily, and it makes Alex’s fingers twitch.

He really doesn't want to be doing this.

***

Isobel corners him in the kitchen only five hours after she kicked open the door inside of his head and rummaged through his underwear drawer.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asks voice smooth, but Alex can just make out a tremor in her fist.

She doesn’t like being left out of things.

Especially if those things involved Michael or Max.

“Because it wasn’t any of your business,” Alex says setting down the bowl of cereal he’d just served himself on the counter.

“It’s Michael,” she says giving him an incredulous look. “So it’s definitely my business.”

“Not about this,” Alex says firmly. “And besides it’s not like he knows.”

Isobel immediately deflates blinking at him several times before she gives him a disbelieving look.

“So, you mean to say that you remember all of the timelines we lived through where you’ve fallen in love with Michael and he with you, and you vaguely remember the night you guys had sex in this one that you used as an excuse to push him away, and,” she continues, moving closer to Alex until she has him trapped against the kitchen counter. “You remember an entire lifetime you technically didn’t live through where you live happily ever after, and you still didn’t put him out of his misery?”

Alex blinks at her before he very gently pushes her back so that he can breathe without inhaling her ridiculously expensive perfume.

“He knows about the lifetime in another time one,” Alex says slowly. “But not the others, and it’s not like it actually matters. When those memories came back to us, I wanted to stop running, but he didn’t want me.”

Isobel looks at him intently, eyes darting between his as if trying to see how serious he is without actually reading his mind. He can feel the slight pressure of her presence at his shields, but that’s a thing that always happens while talking to Isobel.

“That idiot,” she says so vehemently that Alex jumps. “We are getting that Thing out of him and then I am going to murder him for being an absolute bonehead.”

***

The Thing wearing Michael’s face tilts his blood splattered face in Alex’s direction and gives him a cruel smile.

“There’s nothing to give back,” it says and the words chill Alex to the bone.

“Nothing?” he questions dreading the answer.

The smile turns a bit more childish. “Yes. I’m all alone in here. It’s pretty roomy.”

“So Michael is-?” Alex starts slowly feeling as though the entire world is slowing to a stop.

“Dead? Yes,” it says and laughs and laughs and then grabs Alex’s hand.

“Come on,” it says smiling at Alex with Michael’s eyes, eyes that Alex will never see again light up full of love in his direction. “Let’s go play.”

***

Alex looks at the letter in his hands curiously and then at Michael who is looking down at the bottle he’d just opened. The smell sharp and bitter with traces of fruit, reminding Alex of nail polish remover, but milder.

It’s the smell that’s the catalyst.

Alex stumbles, and Michael helps him sit back down on the steps leading up to the thrones.

He barely feels it when Michael stumbles down to sit next to him.

He’s lost in the influx of memories, but he manages to integrate them faster than Michael does.

Probably because he has thirty-nine other timelines stuffed inside of his head.

He’s blinking his eyes rapidly as he looks down at the letter in his hands.

Michael inhales sharply, and laughs a little brokenly.

“So that-” he starts.

“-happened? Yeah,” Alex finishes looking at the paper in his hands.

“It was kind of-” Alex starts this time.

“-beautiful,” Michael says on a sigh before he laughs and this time it sounds more like a sob.

Alex feels startled and like Michael is remembering things that he’s not, because everything that Alex can see, can feel tells him that he’s being an idiot. That he’s been an idiot. It doesn’t matter if he lost him thirty-nine times before except in this one timeline that he decided not to give them a chance, because obviously, they’re inevitable.

“So all it takes is to completely leave everything and everyone we know behind for you to actually give us a chance?” Michael says, and it’s obviously a rhetorical question, but Alex starts trying to answer.

“Don’t bother,” Michael says and stands up tossing the bottle aside.

It shatters with a crash, and it takes Alex back momentarily to Michael pressing him against the wall of the tiny kitchen in their tiny cabin, and he can’t seem to find leverage, and his hands are scrambling for purchase, and he topples over several bottles that crash on the floor and spill their contents, but neither of them is paying attention too lost in each other.

Alex gasps coming out of it, and looks at Michael who is watching him with glazed eyes, but once he’s out of it, he’s shaking his head and glaring.

“This is going to be even worse than it usually is,” he says sighing.

“What if it doesn’t have to be?” Alex blurts out standing up.

Michael turns to him and tilts his head, narrowing his eyes. Alex tries not to show how nervous he actually is right now, but Michael has fifty years worth of memories of Alex at the moment.

“What if you ask again, and I say yes,” Alex says taking a step forward.

Michael takes a step back and shakes his head.

“I don’t think so,” he says and Alex feels as though his heart stopped beating in his chest.

Michael scoffs as he takes one look at Alex’s face and turns around facing away from Alex.

“So I ask and you say yes, and then your father shows up and you pretend you don’t even know who I am or Kyle decides not to be an asshole this time and you go off with him wherever it is you go and do whatever it is that you do, I don’t care. You running away everytime I brought up the subject is the least of the reasons why we shouldn’t be together. Apparently, it only works if we don’t have any other choice.”

Alex blinks fast and feels the tears wetting his lashes, and he turns away from Michael, pressing a hand over his mouth.

He inhales shakily and nods his head. “Okay, sorry I brought it up.”

He hears Michael move, hears him move closer, and then he’s making a rude sound with his mouth and walking away.

Alex exhales shakily shutting his eyes tight and lets the tears fall down his cheeks.

***

“I don’t believe you,” Max’s voice comes out of the darkness making Alex jump and place a hand over his heart.

Alex tries to figure out what Max could possibly be talking about since he doesn’t trust Alex at all about anything, but he doesn’t have to try too hard. There is only one thing that he could be talking about.

“You believed me easily enough when I told you he was dead,” Alex says and he tries not to sound accusing, but he can’t really help it.

Max gives him a look meant to quell him into submission but it does the same thing to Alex that it does to Michael, make him want to punch Max in the face.

“You already know that possession is Absolute,” Max starts and he has his lecturing tone on, and Alex can just barely resist the urge to groan out loud.

Max stops as soon as he sees Alex’s expression and clears his throat. “The Monster enjoys toying with you. How are you so sure that this isn’t another one of his games?”

“Because I know, Michael,” Alex responds hotly.

Max scoffs, “Not anymore than Isobel or me.”

Alex feels anger boiling in his veins and the clouds outside start to gather dark and heavy, rolling with thunder.

Max casts an apprehensive look towards the windows, but he doesn’t back down.

“Fine,” Alex says and a flash of lightning illuminates the world before the clouds disperse rapidly leaving behind the clear blue sky once again. “Get Isobel. We’re doing this right now.”

***

Alex shudders as he comes out of another memory involving Michael and opens his eyes to see that while he’d been out of it, the Monster had noticed.

It was standing way too close, eyes too detached and still they were Michael’s eyes.

Something shifted in them and before Alex could stop it, their mouths were pressed together.

Alex’s breathing hitched, and something painful and sharp lodged in his throat.

He exhales shakily and the Monster pulls away tilting its head shrugging. “I don’t see the appeal.”

It’s gone before Alex can do or say anything.

***

Alex lasts all of three weeks.

Which he thinks is admirable in the face of the fact that Michael spent 99.9% of the time wearing his shirt like a rag around his collar.

Michael also spent that time giving Alex looks from beneath his curls hanging in his face, and Alex spent at least 99.9% of the time asking himself why this was a bad idea again.

Three weeks and what breaks him isn’t even that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

He knows that he’s been skittish around Michael since he woke up naked in his bed, and he knows that skittish is the mildest way that he could possibly put that. Especially given the fact that their group of Beast Slaying, World Saving, Questing to Bring Magic Back, friends is practically inseparable.

And he knows that Michael knows that his leg bothers him at nights, especially given the fact that they share a bed.

Michael pressing the salve that he’d made by hand to soothe the ache into Alex’s hands one night was too much.

Alex was only human.

He drops the tin on the floor and it lands with a dull clang. Michael’s injured, “Hey-” he cuts off with his mouth, turning and pressing in close.

It’s almost like muscle memory. Alex doesn’t have to think too hard how to kiss Michael to get him to kiss him back.

He doesn’t have to try too hard either, since from the second their lips touch, Michael surges up, fingers tangling in Alex’s hair and he pulls Alex in close, biting against his mouth and kissing him hard and rough and like it’s been years.

Michael kisses him, pressing him back until Alex is the one pressed down against the scratchy wool sheets of their bed, and he gasps pulling away to breathe, panting into the air as Michael’s mouth drags across his chin and down his neck.

“Ask me,” Alex gasps as Michael bites into his neck.

Michael stops, mouth pressed against Alex’s throat, so still that it almost seems like he’s frozen instead of just not moving.

He pulls away a little and looks down at Alex, staring into his eyes.

He inhales deeply and leans down a little, “Do you-?”

Alex cuts him off.

“Yes,” he says and drags Michael back down on top of him by his hair.

***

The Monster takes another step towards Alex, and then it sways, almost like it’s going to faint, but catches itself immediately.

It looks at Alex, blinking rapidly, and Alex reaches out a hand. “Come on.”

The Monster smiles again, but there is something different about it that Alex can’t quite put his fingers on, but that makes his heart start racing.

“Alex,” it breathes, and it sounds reverent, and it’s eyes are shining with a depth of emotion that is confusing Alex.

He’s never seen anything but murderous glee in the Monster.

“Alex, it’s me, Michael.” It says, and Alex feels as though someone pressed a block of ice to the back of his neck.

“Stop playing around,” Alex says a little too sharply. “You promised no games.”

“No,” it says and steps forward fast, stopping Alex before he can back away.

Out of the corner of his eye, Alex can see Liz moving forward with the cup of their Monster Killing Potion in her hands.

“Alex,” it says putting his hands on Alex’s shoulders and then sliding them up to his neck, cupping his face in it’s hands, fingers pressed into his hair. “It’s me.”

Alex starts to tremble in it’s hold. He doesn’t know where it’s getting the idea to do these things from, but Alex hopes that when it dies it hurts like a motherfucker.

“I’m alive,” it says hurriedly, desperately and Alex stops trying to pull away. “And once you get this thing out of me. I will ask you again, do you understand me?”

Alex breath hitches and he looks into Michael’s eyes, and all he sees is love, love, love.

He gasps and his hands fly up to wrap around his wrists.

“Michael,” he breathes unable to actually believe it.

Michael smiles at him, and Alex can see what the difference is now. It’s love.

And then he’s swaying again, and Alex sees Liz getting ready to throw the potion.

“No!” he yells and pushes him out of the way.

Alex gets drenched in the potion. Michael stumbles back and Alex sees the moment It takes him over again, because It gives Alex an unreadable look at disappears.

Liz exhales harshly and Maria makes a restless noise.

“Now what?” Liz says.

“Michael’s alive,” Alex breathes, and refuses to think about anything else, even when the Monster reappears demanding an explanation.

***

Technically, as a First Year, Alex isn’t supposed to be greeting other First Years and showing them where to take the Test, but since he’s basically lived in the halls of Brakebills his whole life, he’d been sent down to gather their last straggler.

Alex leans against the sign at the entrance of the school and feels jittery with excitement and nerves.

This time he swore would be different.

And maybe, to make it really different he should’ve told the Dean to send someone else to get the last student, but every reset leaves him feeling like he hasn’t seen his friends in years, and Michael is the one that he misses the most.

He squints his eyes looking in the direction that he knows Michael will be walking in, and spots him almost as soon as he starts searching.

The smile that breaks out on his face is wild and uncontrollable.

He’s able to tamp it down by the time Michael makes it to him, eyes wide with wonder, but full of skepticism.

Just like always.

“Michael Guerin,” he says not looking at the card with Michael’s name on it but tossing it aside.

Michael’s eyes go to him, and they widen a little as he takes Alex in from head to foot.

It always leaves him tingling, feeling that stare on him for the first time.

But he swore this time was going to be different.

“Yeah,” Michael finally says taking his eyes off Alex and looking around the campus and then back to Alex as though he’s the most interesting thing in the place, and not the fact that he stumbled down a dark alley in New York and ended up here in the bright field of a University Campus. “And who are you?”

Alex can’t help the smile at the flirtatious sound of Michael’s words. “Alex,” he says, and then bites his lip before turning and walking.

He’s almost halfway there when he turns to see that Michael hasn’t moved, watching Alex walk away.

Predictable.

“Come on, you’re already making us late.”

Michael tilts his head at him, and then runs after him.

Alex turns back around and keeps walking sure that Michael is going to be following him.

***

After giving everyone a stone to place right in front of them, Isobel turns to Alex.

“You’re going to have to be very careful,” she starts once again as though they haven’t explained how the spell is going to work a million times already. Alex just wants to hurry up and try and get this over with.

“I know,” he cuts her off.

Isobel gives him an insolent look. “You have the most memories of Michael out of all of us.”

Max makes a protesting noise, but everyone ignores him.

“And you were the one to bond the most with the Monster,” she continues. “It’s going to pull on you the hardest, you have to resist it.”

“I know,” Alex says again this time looking at Isobel intently. “I know the risks. We went over everything. I know what I have to do. I’m not going to mess this up, okay? I want him back just as much as you.”

Isobel looks at him back with intense eye contact and then nods her head slowly.

“Let’s do this,” she says.

They’d practiced this several times already so it’s pretty easy to do the movements seamlessly and mostly in sync. The tricky part comes when they all clasp hands completing the circle and their stones glow in front of them.

The Monster isn’t happy.

Michael’s powers go haywire, but they’d planned for this.

Max’s shield holds up really well, even though most of his energy is concentrated in the spell.

Alex watches Michael’s body twitching like he’s in the middle of a seizure and he wishes that he could cross into the circle and help him deal with this.

Until then, the pull of the spell hadn’t been all that difficult.

Hard, yes, but not anything that Alex couldn’t handle.

He vaguely remembers Isobel telling him that they needed to keep their thoughts as clear as possible, that Michael would be doing most of the work, but emotions always made things more difficult.

Alex feels it when the spell latches on to him, and feels it when it lets go of everyone else.

“No!” Liz yells since she and Isobel are the only two that really know what’s happening.

Isobel yells that they have to keep the circle intact, and yells that Alex has to let go.

Alex can barely hear her. He can’t even see her.

He’s in a dark room, surrounded by mist and wind is whipping everywhere.

There is a loud unearthly sounding roar and then he hears Michael’s voice yelling.

“Go away!”

Alex feels his heart thudding in his throat and he stumbles towards it.

He stumbles and suddenly the darkness lifts and the mist disperses and there is Michael.

Michael’s eyes widen when he sees him. “Alex,” he says sounding shocked and dismayed.

Before Alex can say anything he’s surrounded by darkness.

He hears Michael yelling from far away.

“I know you wanted to save him, but you don’t have to hurt me to do it.”

“You shouldn’t have lied to me then,” Alex snaps back.

There is cold laughter, and Alex feels icy frostbite trailing down his spine.

“How about this? I’ll leave like he wants me to, but only if you make room for me inside your head.”

“Only if you promise that you won’t hurt any of my friends, and that we’ll go very far away from them.”

“You have to say the magic words.”

Suddenly the cold and the darkness is gone, and Alex sways but Michael catches him.

“Leave him alone,” he says voice echoing with power and golden and so pure and warm that it makes the breath catch in Alex’s lungs. “And get out of my head!”

Alex is thrown back into his body with what feels like a physical slam, he rocks back hard, and is only kept from falling backwards by Liz and Maria’s deathgrip on his fingers.

He’s shuddering and he opens his eyes, blinking rapidly, feeling like he’d been floating in the Arctic Ocean.

The stones in front of everyone shine brightly and then burst into sparks and crystals so small they disintegrate immediately.

As quickly as it all began it stops, and Michael just lies there in the middle of the circle so still that it almost seems like he’s-

Alex gasps again, still trembling, fingers gripping Maria and Liz tightly. Isobel is looking at him from across the circle with a furious expression, but he knows it’s only so that she doesn’t look at Michael’s too still body.

Max inhales to speak, but then grunts softly in pain and doesn’t say anything.

Alex’s eyes drop from Isobel back to Michael and he wants to move and check and make sure but he can’t, can’t, can’t.

He can’t bury Michael again. He won’t be able to handle it.

Just then, Michael gasps, sitting up suddenly, eyes wide open, and then he drops back on the floor, breathing rapidly, making little gasping sounds like he’s not sure how to make his lungs work.

Isobel is the first one moving, tearing her hands from Maria and Max and crawling across the floor and lying on top of Michael.

Max moves more cautiously, and it’s only when Michael puts his hand on Isobel’s head and gently moves his fingers through her hair that he moves and collapses on Michael’s other side.

Liz and Maria move close to each other, smiling and hugging.

Alex slumps down on the floor, pressing his face to the ground, feeling tired and exhausted and relieved. He turns his face to watch, because he doesn’t want to take his eyes off Michael, and isn’t entirely surprised to see Michael staring right back at him.

***

The Monster tilts its head in Alex’s direction, and rolls its eyes when Alex refuses to look at it.

“Why did it matter anyway? So I lied. It’s not like you haven’t lied to me.”

Alex’s eyes finally snap to it. “It’s not the same thing.”

It rolls its eyes again and looks at Alex with a sneer. “He tried to kill me. Of course I lied. I want him dead.”

Alex’s eyes flash and he takes an involuntary step forward. “You better not do anything to harm him.”

“Or what?” it says in amusement looking at Alex like one might look at a child.

“Or I’ll make sure that you live out the rest of your days in neverending torment.”

The Monster tilts its head considering. “Why is he so important to you?”

Alex swallows down the first words that pop into his head because those words he’s saving for Michael.

He looks at the Monster in the eyes, and it hurts to know that Michael is somewhere in there unable to look back. “Because he is. And there isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do to keep him safe.”

The Monster yawns in his face. “Bo-ring.” And then it’s gone.

Alex lets out a breath and looks up straight into Maria’s eyes who is looking at him like she’s finally figured out what’s been bothering her about him for years.

“What?” he asks feeling self conscious.

She just shakes her head and leaves the room.

***

What Alex is remembers is this:

Michael cheeks flushed and warm, gazing at Alex from way too close.

Isobel is asleep right next to him, and one of Michael's legs is thrown over his and they're laughing and there is wine and Alex is feeling very loose and fuck, he’s horny, and he knows that Michael would scratch that itch so well. He has memories upon memories upon memories.

And he remembers what happens this night, always in snatches of colors, and skin, and sweat, and heat.

He licks his lips. He can just barely taste Michael’s skin on his tongue.

“Alex,” Michael says voice low and throaty, and Alex’s eyes fall to him, and he sees how Michael is watching him, and feels it hit him in the stomach like a two by four.

This was the reason why he’d asked Isobel to join them today. Because he’d hoped that she’d be able to put a buffer between him and Michael.

But no, she was asleep, and Michael was looking at him with those eyes that said that he wanted to eat Alex alive, and Alex really, really, really wanted to let him.

The last thing Alex remembers clearly is saying that he needs to go to bed.

Everything else is the same as always.

Michael pushing him into his closed door, his head knocking back against the wooden frame. Michael’s hands hot and damp and tight around his wrists. Michael biting kisses down Alex’s neck, leaving behind bright blooms of pain. Michael’s mouth sucking a bruise into the crease of his groin before sliding his mouth hot and wet to the base of Alex’s cock. Michael pressed in close, over him, under him, inside of him, surrounding him, overwhelming and hot and real and so easy.

The next clear thought he has is waking up with Michael pressed close in front of him, and he remembers watching him sleeping, before he’d slipped away from the bed determined not to become the thing that made Michael lose focus and get himself killed.

***

A couple more drinks and Michael is sitting beside Alex, thighs pressed together, one arm pressed along the back of the couch behind Alex, the other holding his drink in the air as he gesticulates as he tells Alex an outrageous story that Alex has heard maybe five times before, but he loves the way that Michael gets excited when he tells it.

Michael stops abruptly in the middle of a sentence, and Alex blinks and tries not to look like he’d just been staring at him.

Michael sets his drink down on the floor beside himself and looks at Alex.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Michael says. Alex opens his mouth to speak, but Michael holds his hand up. “Let me finish.”

Alex just nods his head slowly.

“It’s not like it’s a new thing. You avoiding me,” he continues, and Alex bites down on his lip so that he doesn’t say anything. “But you had a much better reason this time, so I let it slide.”

Alex huffs out a breath.

“And we’ve been trying to save the world, again, and that comes first.”

The laugh is more apparent this time, and he feels Michael move his arm closer, pressing his forearm to Alex’s neck.

“But there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you,” he says and Alex’s entire world slows to a stop.

He looks at Michael, and nothing else exists.

He watches all of the pain and hurt and caring and kinship and love, love, love that is shining in Michael’s eyes as he looks at Alex, lips parted trying to form the question that he keeps asking and Alex keeps running away from.

Alex knows that Michael feels that the ball is in his court since he was the one to reject Alex before.

But Alex, Alex doesn’t care, not when Michael is still looking at him like he’s the most amazing thing he’s ever seen in a world where magic exists.

“Do you want me, Guerin?” he asks voice low and as seductive as he can manage.

It most definitely works since Michael’s mouth drops, and the emotions in his eyes are leached away until only desire and lust remain.

But Alex still isn’t done. He remembers Michael’s words just like it was yesterday.

“Do you want to date me? To be my boyfriend, my lover, my everything. I feel like the whole world was frozen until you breathed fire into me. So tell me, do you want me?”

“Alex,” Michael says voice hushed and hoarse.

Alex licks his lips. “I should’ve said yes then, but I was so scared of losing you.”

Michael leans in pressing their foreheads together. “I should’ve asked you after we remembered, but I was scared too, that you would change your mind.”

“Never,” Alex says shaking his head and closing his eyes.

He feels Michael’s fingers on his face, tilting his chin slightly, and Alex gasps, eyes opening as he watches Michael’s shut as he leans in closer.

Their lips brush, once lightly, and then someone drops to the couch behind them.

“Gross,” Max says as he wraps an arm around Michael and tugs him away from Alex.

“You’ve been hogging the Guest of Honor,” Isobel says pushing Alex until she can slide in between them and lie back on Michael’s shoulder, throwing her legs over Alex’s lap.

Michael looks at him, and Alex just smiles fondly and leans back against Max’s leg, wrapping his hand around Isobel’s ankle and listening to her talk about Liz and Maria being wet blankets and going to sleep early.

He watches Michael and Max talking softly to one another, and closes his eyes feeling for the first time in what feels like forever, content, and happy, and safe.

[doeeyeddarlingxo]

Myriad Misadventures - Chapter 16

The Myriad Misadventures of a Midgardian Queen-In-Training - Chapter 16

AO3 | Previous | Next

Word Count: 1138

Pairing: Loki/Reader

Rating: T

Myriad Misadventures - Chapter 16

He’s eating breakfast with you. Holy - he’s actually eating with you. Not you personally, of course, but still - he’s sitting at the head of the dining room table, opposite Lady Amara (who’s positively beaming at this development), Rosa and Lexi on either side. You sit next to Lexi, trying your best to be inconspicuous. So far, you think you’re doing pretty okay.

Of course, something has to come along and ruin it. 

“So, Lady (Y/N),” Sapphire starts - you’re all very much aware of the way you address each other in “His Majesty’s” presence - “that was some impressive dancing you did last night.”

You freeze, a forkful of pancake halfway to your mouth. “Thank you?” You feel Lady Amara’s gaze burning into you from the other end of the table, and you lower your fork to the plate hastily. “I, um, had an excellent partner, of course.” You wince internally. You’d meant to avoid tension by moving the attention to Loki, but you sound like you’re bragging about the fact that you were the first one he’d danced with. “I mean - ”

“You really were wonderful, Your Highness,” Sapphy chimes in, and you heave a sigh of relief. Bless her. “You were just - oh, my God!”

A servant has tripped, nearly spilling coffee on her. He regains his balance, but an empty cup on the edge of his tray falls to the floor, shattering upon impact. The room falls silent as he scrambles to clean the mess.

“Stop.”

The silence intensifies, if that’s possible. The servant looks up at Loki with a mixture of fear and terror. Your stomach twists just watching him. “Your Majesty?”

“Come here.”

The servant slowly leaves the mess on the floor and approaches him, head bent. Loki rises to his full height, looking even more intimidating than before. “I am so, so sorry - ”

“Silence.” The man obeys. “What is your name?”

“A-Albert, Your Majesty.”

“You are dismissed. Permanently.”

Did...did he just fire him for tripping and dropping a cup?

“Your Majesty?”

“You may go.”

Albert falls to his knees. “Your Majesty, please. I need this job. My family - I have two young ones at home. Without me working here, they can’t go to school, they can’t - ”

“Enough!” His voice rings through the dining hall, echoing off the far walls and high ceilings. And amplification spell, maybe? “I am feeling kind. Get out of my sight now, or I assure you, you and your family alike will regret it - ”

“Are you serious?”

A quiet gasp arises from the ladies at the table, yourself included, as a new voice enters the fray. Everyone, including Loki turns their head to the source of the outburst.

Oh. Me.

“Lady (Y/N)?” Between his glare and that of Lady Amara, you’re surprised you haven’t dropped dead on the spot. “Would you care to contribute?”

“I...yes, I would.” You stand, but he’s still solidly taller than you. Oh, well. “He didn’t fall deliberately. It was an accident. You’d really condemn him and his family to poverty for something so small?” Your heart is racing a mile a minute, but you can’t help but feel a sense of pride. I barely stumbled! Woohoo!

“Are you questioning my judgement?”

“I think that, in this case, your judgement is faulty, so yes, I guess I am. You’re basing this man’s future off of one misstep. A literal misstep. If you’re planning on ruling over an entire planet, you’re going to have to be a little more lenient than that.”

At this point, the whole table is staring at you in horror, and you’re beginning to think that this whole standing-up-for-what’s-right thing may not have been the best idea. But it’s too late to back down now. Loki remains silent for a moment, and you struggle not to break eye contact. After a few breathes, he looks away. “I think we are finished here. I will not be joining you ladies for lunch, but I will see you at supper. Enjoy your day.”

There are a few beats of uncomfortable silence before Lady Amara springs into action. “Right. Breakfast is over, ladies! Remember, we have our afternoon lesson directly after lunch, but beyond that, the day is yours.” 

You and the others all rise, and scramble for the door. Loki storms off in the opposite direction, leaving Albert on the floor by his chair. Lady Amara, thankfully, doesn’t call you out, but you imagine you’ll be thoroughly chewed out in the afternoon. For now, though...as the last of the contestants and servants trail out of the room, you approach Albert. “Hey.”

He backs away hastily, then moves back to the fallen teacup. “Lady (Y/N)!”

God, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to hearing that. “Do you need help?”

“N-no, I - ” He lets out a hiss of pain, and you see blood on his hand.

“Oh, my God!” You crouch down and reach for his hand. “Let me see.” He obliges. You’re relieved to see that there are no shards of glass in the cut, which itself isn’t too deep. You unceremoniously tear off a strip of your petticoat, and wrap his hand in it. “I’m so sorry. He shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I promise, you and your family will be all right. The job here is yours to keep.” You don’t even know if that’s a promise you can keep, but you have to    try. Besides, there are so many servants here - Loki is bound to forget about this incident after a while. The blessing of anonymity.

“Thank you.” He’s quiet when he speaks. “You’re a nice girl. Remind me of my older one.”

“Yeah?” You smile, thankful that he hasn’t started crying or anything. You’d be at a bit of a loss as to what to do if that happened. “How old is she?”

“Nineteen. The younger one’s eight. You're her favorite - she wanted to come see you off, but I didn’t...I wanted her to stay home.”

“You’re from New York too, then?”

He nods again. “Queens.”

“Wow. Is it hard?” You have to ask. You need to know if it’s just you. “Being so far?”

“Pays better than anything I could have gotten back there.” 

“Right.” The conversation comes to a lull. “Well, Albert - please, don’t worry about this. You go take care of your hand, and I’ll - I’ll find someone to clean this up, safely. And tell your daughters I said hi.” You want to offer to meet them, but somehow you don’t find that likely, if he didn’t want his younger one even coming to the send-off.

“Thank you, Lady (Y/N).” He cracks a smile, and warmth spreads through you. “You’re a good kid.”

When he leaves, you’re left to clean up the mess all by yourself.

It’s worth it.

[gamearamamegathons]

Dragon Quest V: Out of Order

Circe here! So, uh, yeah. After the hero and Henry are kidnapped, we flash forward and it turns out we end up toiling away as slaves for ten years. Nnnot much to say about that. Apparently the guy in charge around here is the high priest of the Order of Light, who claims he's going to save the world or something, and to that end he's having all these slaves build a huge temple. It's, you know, not a great scene. Things pretty much go along as normal up until we see the guards whipping a girl, and so we and Henry turn on them to try and protect her. We're launched into a battle in which I have access to all my spells, which raises a lot of questions if we could've just summoned fucking tornadoes on people this entire time. In any case, I win the fight, but we just end up jailed for our efforts. And that would be the end of that, except that it turns out the girl we tried to help was the sister of one of the guards. He heard that after the temple is finished, all the slaves will be killed, so he helps you out of there and asks you to take his sister Maria with you. So we float outta there on a barrel and end up washing up next to a nunnery.

So yeah, that happened I guess? The nuns help us get back on our feet, and Maria stays there, so it's just us and Henry...for now! This game introduces an exciting new mechanic, which is the ability to recruit monsters. And not just a temporary one-off thing like in Dragon Quest IV, monsters we fight in battle can decide to join us afterward, and become full-fledged party members. The roster of monsters here seems surprisingly deep, and we start picking them up right away, but the one I start with and keep in my party is an ordinary slime. It seems like our party size is back down to 3 for this game, so it's just me, Henry, and the slime. New party members can join on, but you need to buy a caravan, similar to how we had one in the previous game. We can find one in the town of...Oracleberry? Okay.

Apparently the big thing about this town is that there's all sorts of gambling and stuff going on at night, but I'm not really interested, so I just stock up on weapons. Henry is hilariously weak, seeing as he's level 1 and wearing rags, so I get some basic equipment on him. We travel further north, and we find a ruined town that looks like...well, it looks like Santa Rosa. Our hero is really not having a great life thus far. Apparently, after Henry was kidnapped, the queen blamed Papas, and destroyed his entire town as punishment. Which seems like kind of a non-sequitur, but we know this is just a coverup anyway, so I guess that's okay. There's an old man in town who tells us that Papas hid something valuable in the cave, and now we can take a little boat down the river into the cave to find another section of the dungeon. Here, we find a surprisingly familiar item -- it's the Zenithian Sword! We also find a note to us from Papas. In it, he says that our mother was taken away by some evil, and the only way it could be defeated is if the legendary hero wielded the Zenithian equipment against it. But, even though he spent his whole life seeking the equipment and the hero, all he ever found was this sword.

I admit, I'm a little confused about the whole thing with our mother. I guess she didn't die in childbirth after all, so either something was communicated poorly, or I just misunderstood...or else, it gave that impression on purpose? I don't know, it's weird. But I guess it doesn't matter that much. From here, I decide to go back to Alcapas to see if I can meet up with Bianca. Alcapas is fine, but it seems that Bianca's family sold the inn and moved away. So that's no good. Instead, let's go east, to Reinhart. Unsurprisingly, it seems that the queen is using King Dale as a puppet, and Reinhart has fallen into tyranny and suffering. Of course, it's not a simple matter to get inside the castle...I'll admit, I got a bit lost here. We can get in the front entrance to the castle, but the way in deeper is blocked by a guard. As we leave, Henry remarks that he remembers a secret path inside. Of course, I remember Henry's secret passage, so I immediately set about trying to get in there. We can't access the area the passage led to, but it is connected to a side door...which is locked. I spent a good while trying to find a way into this area, before I gave up and consulted a guide. It turns out I had it all wrong. You're supposed to notice that when the drawbridge is up at night, it reveals a secret tunnel underneath, which you can reach via a boat. I noticed this passage when I first entered Reinhart, but I immediately forgot. And in my defense, Henry's dialogue seemed to be reminding the player of a secret passage they already saw, so it was actively misleading. Is this because of the translation, or was it also confusing in the original? No way of knowing, I suppose.

Well, I'm grouchy about needing to use a guide for that, but there's nothing for it but to move on. The secret passage leads to a dungeon, naturally, and here we find the queen in prison. Eh? This is a bit confusing at first, but if you recall, we've seen imposter monsters before, so perhaps this isn't too surprising. What *is* surprising is that the plot needed to replace the queen with a monster at all, I mean, she seemed pretty evil from the start. I didn't bat an eye when I heard she was destroying villages and oppressing people. But apparently the real queen regrets her ruthless ambition now. Woulda been nice for you to reach that decision before you kidnapped us into slavery, lady. Well anyway, we make our way to King Dale, and Henry reveals that he's his brother. When Dale hears that his real mother is in prison, we all decide that something has to be done about it, and...I think it's Dale who tells us what to do next? In any case, we find out there's a hidden teleporter that can lead us to a tower where we can find a magic mirror that can reveal the monster's identity. No surprise, the Mirror of Ra is back.

The teleporter actually takes us just a bit south of the nunnery, so we could've walked here if we wanted, but this is a lot more convenient. Makes me wonder if we could've gotten the mirror early. This dungeon is a bit annoying because it ends with an invisible path you have to figure out by trial and error (if there was a trick to it, I didn't find it) but we eventually got to the mirror, and head back to Reinhart. It seems that Dale has tried to resolve the problem himself, and we come to the queen's chambers to see two queens there. Well, we've got the mirror, so we just use it on the queens to find that one of them is a...goblin hula dancer? Okay. This boss fight isn't very hard, so we take care of that, and save the day. After all this, Henry decides to stay by his brother's side, but luckily I've been slowly filling up my caravan with a whole host of non-human companions, so I replace him with a slime knight. Guess I'm rolling with a slime theme, here. Henry tells us that ships should be sailing in a harbor called Vista, so I guess that's where we'll be headed next.

Now that I've gotten into the game a bit, I can talk about localization. I'd hoped I'd have more interesting things to say, but largely it seems fine and pretty unremarkable. For the most part, spell names are following the conventions of the previous Dragon Warrior games, so no surprises there. It seems like a lot of the monster names are fairly literal translations, or just straight up the same name as in Japanese, since a bunch of the original names are actually in English. There are some spelling errors here and there, but nothing too surprising, it being the work of a small fan group instead of a professional localization team. There's also some incongruous swearing here and there, but it's rare. Oh, and as you may have already noticed, Nintendo of America-style censoring is out. House of Healing are called churches, people get drunk at taverns, and our dead party members are coffins instead of ghosts. But all in all, you might barely notice it's a fan translation. Well, it makes playing the game pretty smooth, so I can hardly complain.

I've been playing a lot of Dragon Quest lately, so my next post might be something different. I dunno, I'm still thinking about it. In any case, I'll see you then.

[thetollywoodupdates]

Interview of Rosa Salazar – Alita Battle Angel

Q: How did you first hear about this project and when did you get involved?

A: It was about two years ago. My agent said, ‘There’s this movie called Alita Battle Angel. Would you like to audition for Robert Rodriguez?’ I kind of knew a little bit about it because years ago, James Cameron had talked about making it.  I read the script and it was amazing. And I really wanted to go out for it.

Q: How long after you first auditioned did you find out you had the part? 

A: It was a while. I went away to shoot Maze Runner 3.  And then I came back and still hadn’t heard anything.  I knew Robert.  I had a couple of meetings with him and before I even knew I was going to test for it, he was helping me with a short film that I wrote. So, it took a while…  I mean, it took so long that we forged a friendship and were working on a completely other short film! All told, it took about four months.

Q: What was it about Alita that appealed to you?

A: Well, a few things.  Robert Rodriguez, who is Latino, and who I’ve wanted to work with for years.  He’s such an iconic filmmaker because he can make a film out of nothing.  Like with El Mariachi.  And I really love Desperado.  That was the first thing I saw of his.  With my mom.  I was a young girl and I just fell in love with it. It was a strong emotional story, a love story with explosions and guts and guns and bar shootouts. I just really like Robert’s cinematic values.  And then of course there’s James Cameron…

Q: Oh yes.

A: Yeah, he’s made a couple of movies… And, like Robert, he creates stories with strong, well-rounded female characters.  They’ve both been doing it for years. And everything starts with the writing.  The Alita script was written for the reader – it’s like something that you could pick up and read in your downtime.  Jim will put in these little things that’ll never be shot.  They’re not geared for the movie, they’re just for the reader.

Q: Like what?

A:  It’s things like ‘Alita holds the Damascus blade for the first time and like the ancient Samurai say, the blade has chosen her.’  That has nothing to do with what they’re shooting, or the direction or anything, it’s just so you can be fully immersed in the story.  And it makes you feel things and then you know you’ve got something special.  Plus, another big thing for me is that I had been doing these big movies and this felt like a graduation for me.  I mean, I’ve done stunts.  I’ve done wire work.  I’ve fallen down.  I’ve jumped off stuff.  And I’ve done major sequences.  In the Maze Runner films, there’s some crazy sequences that I did for the second one and the third one.  Riding around in a car with a big gun popping through the sun roof.  All of that was a great training ground for Alita and I really wanted to test my skills on this big movie. 

Q: Did the fact that it was a performance capture role appeal?

A:  Yeah. I wanted to do performance capture, because I love acting.  And I love finding new ways that I can bend my craft and use it to funnel it towards this goal we’re all trying to create. So it was a combination of things that appealed:  the writing, the pedigree, these two guys that know how to direct a woman who is dynamic, has a range and is fighting for something.  All of that’s compelling to me.  Even the studio it was at ­– I’ve worked with Fox for so long that I love them.  So, it was everything really: the stars aligned for this.  And I really wanted to be a Latin woman who is leading a studio franchise with a big budget. Just to show that you can be a Latin woman leading a huge budget studio film. 

Q: Is performance capture acting very different from ‘normal’ acting?

A: Well I would say that in the beginning you think that there’s a huge difference.  After doing it, I would say that there’s no difference at all, except that you have to accommodate all of these extra things like the wetsuit they put you in and the dots, and coming in every day and scanning into the system and having a helmet, having a boom on your head, having the extra weight, compensating for the weight and then when they take the helmet off, your head leans the other way.  Like bodily things, physical things that you have to deal with and incorporate as an actor.  But in terms of performance, I found out that it was very much the same.

Q: You don’t have to ‘turn it up’ or exaggerate anything?

A: You don’t turn it up.  There’s certain moments where I was seeing Alita in the animatics on the screen, because you could watch playback as the character, and there were certain things you have to overcompensate with, facially and muscle wise.  If you’re doing, say, a fight scene and you’re stabbing and you want it to be in the character’s face, you may have to kind of exaggerate those moments.  But other than that, it’s really just acting with all of this other world of stuff going on.

Q: Did you do any research or prep?

A:  I am such a big fan of Andy Serkis that I watched every single behind the scenes featurette a long time ago on DVD. And then I was watching Benedict Cumberbatch as Smog, and a lot of the Apes movies which were done by Weta Digital Effects who also did Alita. I talked to the technician, Paul Alvarez, who was the one hands-on working on the boom and fixing the helmet and making sure I have the dots on correctly.  He enlightened me so much to the process and now I go to Manhattan Beach Studios just so I can shadow Jim as a director of performance capture, because that’s where I think it gets really, really technical and interesting because I’m dealing with this set of things that I have to incorporate with the motion capture, but Jim’s dealing with 75 million other things that he has to incorporate to make it work.  Performance capture is so interesting.  You can be in a scene with someone, say, a love scene that I have with Keean and really it all melts away. You hear actors say that and you’re like ‘Okay, you’re wearing a boom on your head, it’s five pounds.  Like, how does that melt away?’  But it just does.  The shock value melts away when you’re in those scenes and you’re really focused and in it. 

Q: It sounds like you’re already prepping to one day direct a motion capture film.

A: Yeah, I secretly am. I’m eager to learn and I feel like Robert and Jim respond to that.  They want to be mentors.  There are some people in this business that don’t and that’s perfectly fine. But Robert and Jim do. They are really generous with their wisdom.

Q: How was working with Robert?

A: It felt like making a run-and-gun independent film where everyone on the crew was like, “We’re making it with our hands” except it was a huge sci-fi epic, with a lot of moving parts.  You have a normal-sized crew, and then you have WETA, all the visual effects crew, it’s just a huge school of people but Robert’s demeanor is so calm.  He knows exactly what he’s shooting. Another thing is, he listens.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been on a set where that isn’t the case. But Robert listens, and he hears you.  And for a Latin woman in the film business, it was, well, jaw-dropping.  Because you don’t want to be difficult.  I never felt like I was asking too much or getting in the way.  Anytime I said, “Hey, Robert, if she says this, then wouldn’t it make more sense if this happens?’  I felt like I had a voice, which is great. And then, because you have a voice, you start to have responsibility for it.  You’re like, “Oh.  My words mean something. My words have weight.  Now, let me be responsible.”  He taught me so much. And it’s really nice to make a film with someone who just gets off on making films.  Who is a film fan.  He’s just the best. 

Q: Let’s talk a little about Alita, the character. Tell us in your own words who she is.

A: Alita is… just a regular girl! In the same way that all of the mo-cap stuff kind of bleeds out when you’re in it, Alita is a regular girl who happens to be made of cybernetic parts and has an insane, traumatic history.  Alita’s just like me.  She has a whole palette of emotions.  She’s insecure.  She’s brave.  She’s courageous.  She’s strong.  She’s curious and she’s defiant.  She’s powerful and she’s weak.  She has a real soul and I think that she bares it all the time. She doesn’t really hold anything back.  She doesn’t suffer fools.  She doesn’t pull punches.  But she doesn’t actually know who she is.  She’s learning everything for the first time.  Now that she’s been reawakened. 

Q: And not only does she not know who she is, but she doesn’t know where she is.

A: Yeah. She’s very open and vulnerable and wakes up in Iron City, it’s a post-apocalyptic trash heap.  But, for those of us in the real world, if we’re not careful, we could be there soon, you know? So, she wakes up and she doesn’t know what the world is.  She doesn’t see it as nasty or horrible or violent at first.  She’s just wide eyed, literally, and ready to learn.  And what she soon finds out is that there are menacing forces in this world.  There are evil people.  There are cruel people.  There are people who are opportunistic, who are totally fine screwing you over and ruining your life in order to get what they need to survive.  It’s like the Gold Rush – everyone’s just clawing for what’s theirs and Alita smacks up against that.  Really, it hurts her.  Because she’s a soft person until these menacing forces start to trigger her memories. At first, she doesn’t know anything about who she used to be.  She’s new.  But she knows there’s something there.  So, when the world starts to push on her and fight her, she starts to fight back, and that’s when we find out that she’s someone really extraordinary.  Someone with insane capabilities.  Someone with a warrior spirit and warrior training.  And the more she triggers her memories, the more she starts to find out who she really is.  And to me, that is a relatable story of someone going through the pitfalls of life, the trials and tribulations, and ending up on the other side knowing who they are, knowing what they’ll stand for, knowing what’s right or wrong.  We see someone choosing. What they believe in, what they will and won’t do. She starts to remember her code of who she was. 

Q: So, it’s really about a girl working out who she is and her place in the world. 

A: Yeah, that’s it.  Her place in the world, but also how she can help.  Because there’s a moment in the movie where, spoiler alert, she’s fine to just be there. She’s thinking, ‘I could live here. I could take it.’  She’s totally fine to settle.  But who she is, I think, very compelling because, ultimately, she doesn’t settle. Integrity is often very inconvenient. 

Q: So emotionally, she’s human. But in terms of physicality, did you have to play her slightly…

A: Robotic?

Q: Yeah. 

A: No. Although I had practiced and practiced with a friend who helps me read lines.  And I was very stiff, very Ex Machina. I had all of these movements, all these intricate finger twitches and whatever.  As you do.  And right before I went in to audition, I suddenly thought, ‘Hey, wait a second. She’s not a robot, she’s a cyborg….’ Her body was created by Ido [Christoph Waltz] who is a cybernetic surgeon, so he knows what he’s doing. She doesn’t move in a stiff way. In fact, the way she moves is very cat like.  Even smoother than a normal person.  Not only is she not stiff or robotic, her body movements are very fluid. 

Q: When actors do performance capture, often the character they’re playing doesn’t look anything like them. But with Alita there seems to be a reasonable amount of you in the character. 

A: Yeah. It’s an anime version of myself. 

Q: So how is that?

A: It’s super cool!  And it was always the plan, that whatever actress was going to inhabit the role, it was going to be her performance and her face and her features.  More and more as they edit the film and draw the film, every time I see it, it looks more like me.  Which is eerie.  And wonderful. Because if you’re Benedict Cumberbatch playing Smaug, you’re going see a 60-foot tall dragon.  It’s cool but you’re probably not going to feel attached to it. It’s like, ‘that’s over there’.  But when I was playing Alita, we were one and the same.  And they used a lot of my real face and the real scars and divots and muscle pulls and lines and creases and imperfections to look like me.

Although one thing I had to change was my posture, because cyborgs don’t hunch! And I have the worst posture.  So, I had to have my shoulders back constantly and just be standing straight and not lean. But I always knew that it was going to be mainly my face in there. And I think it looks amazing and even though it’s a complete rendering of me, it feels like me.  I can see myself and I’m attached to it.

Q: Did you have to learn a lot of fighting skills?

A: Yeah. Training almost killed me.  When I walked in there, I was made out of croissants.  I was writing my short film. And writers don’t eat well.  So, I was really out of shape.  I mean, I was thin, but I had no endurance, no core. I trained with Keith Hirabayashi for months and months and months.  And I changed to a plant-based diet and it was very hard.  I’d never changed my diet in that way before. 

Q: Does it feel almost like you have kind of a different body?

A: Well, now I’m vegan.  Because James Cameron convinced me to be vegan and he’s right.  Plant-based diet.  So, yeah, I am constantly finding that my body is very different.  But you feel stronger, more capable.  And it’s not just me. I have to say there are nine women that bring Alita to life.  Whenever we reach my physical capabilities or abilities, another person takes over who’s been doing this for life.  So you have many, many martial artists.  You have contortionists.  You have rollerbladers.  You have different kinds of rollerbladers, trick rollerbladers.  And then you have me doing all the acting when they’re recording the bodily info.

Q: Let’s talk about a couple of your fellow cast members. How was working with Christoph Waltz – was it intimidating at all, working with someone so experienced and acclaimed?

A: I don’t know why, but I wasn’t intimidated.  Although he has a very strong presence. I started out being extremely excited and that never dipped.  The first day I met him, he was doing some camera tests and I was peeking around the curtain, trying to catch him in his natural state.  He’s just so graceful and very powerful and centered. He’s very present and he looks you right in the eye. He’s not selfish with his talent.  He’s there with you and you’re in good hands. Also, he’s very funny.  And that was really great to be around. He doesn’t suffer fools though, you know what I mean?  He’s going to tell you exactly what’s up. It’s such an honor to work with him.  I feel like I crossed something off my bucket list.

Q: Someone else you share a lot of scenes with is Keean Johnson. What’s the dynamic between the two of you? 

A: Well I’m a very, like, ‘Hello, world! I’m here!’ person.  I’m loud. You know I’m there and you can probably hear me down the hall. I know what needs to be done and I want to do it.  I’m very much a strong woman.  And Keean is like this extremely kind, soft, young man. He’s quiet and goes with the flow. And we meet in this nice, middle ground where he looks to me for direction and advice and I look to him to be softer and I kind of take some of his happiness and some of his joyous vibe. Because I have these peaks and valleys emotionally, especially on set when you’re 18 hours in.  I’m very much an emotional creature.  And Keean is very steady.  He’s got this through-line of calm in him.  And I feed off of that and we sort of helped each other. So yeah, he’s my buddy.  I love him!

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