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a-student-out-of-time · 6 months ago

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The Post-Tragedy Horrors of Despair Time

Hello everyone, Mod Bubbles here!

This Halloween, I decided to do something a little different. Rather than a dedicated post or song parody, I've decided to share a worldbuilding analysis. A pretty fortuitous one, since we've recently completed Chapter 2 of Despair Time.

I'm sure it's no exaggeration to say that DT is a pretty dark fangan, especially within its own context. I wouldn't say it's as grimdark and nihilistic as some people are convinced it is, but there's some elements to it that I feel are worth analyzing going forward.

See, it's been established that DT is set within the Hope's Peak continuity. This would mean that the canon games sans V3 (and if you want to have fun with it, other fangans like the Another series) have all happened here.

According to a Q&A, DT is set around 70-80 years after the end of the Tragedy, so if you wanted to estimate based on in-universe dates (such as Makoto's Hope's Peak brochure saying 2010 in the earliest version of the game but 2014 in a re-release), that would put it sometime around 2080 to the mid-2090s. Veronika backs this up in Chapter 2, when she mentions the Tragedy happened "almost a century ago."

Why do I bring all this up? Because if you looked at DT, you'd probably never guess it was that deep in the future. I know I didn't at first. And this is all by design, but it goes beyond simple cosmetic details. Allow me to explain to you why this is probably the darkest timeline that could've happened after Class 78's victory over Ultimate Despair.

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Modern Stagnancy

So if we look at the obvious, the world of DT looks pretty much identical to our own, which should be a good thing. When you consider that this is set after The Biggest, Most Awful, Most Tragic Event in Human History- an event that saw societal collapse, wars happen for the sake of destruction, massive pollution, rampant murder, and countless killing games- then it almost seems utopian.

Cities have long since been rebuilt, the skies are clear, there are functional trains, movies, celebrities, schools, music, art, Ted-Talks, the internet, all the trappings of normality. And that's really the problem.

Once the recovery efforts were underway, the goal of those in power was to rebuild things exactly as they used to be. Bear in mind, the world looks like our modern day, yet this is set deep into the late 21st century. In that context, the world almost seems stunted in its growth or even that it's regressed, given that CDs and DVDs are used rather than USBs or digital downloads.

Not only that, but this extends to societal attitudes as well. Nico was the victim of bullying over their status as an enby by everyone who knew, including their own father. It's almost the 22nd century and anti-LGBTQ bigotry like this still exists.

In that context, it feels less like the world is recovering and more that it's been stuck in its pre-Tragedy status quo, right down to continuing the Ultimates program that contributed to The Tragedy in the first place. And who would be motivated to do that?

2. Hope's Peak And Their Kin Are Stronger Than Ever

Probably one of the most contentious aspects of DR3's ending is that, after everything the people in charge of it were responsible for- exploiting their students, covering up crimes, human experimentation- Hope's Peak Academy was rebuilt by the survivors, now with Makoto as headmaster.

Now, one could make the argument that Makoto is a better example of hope and thus better suited to lead the school to follow its stated ideals than the Steering Committee ever was. That very well may be true, but as they also proved, nobody stays in charge forever. And now, because of his decision, Hope's Peak isn't contained to Japan.

There now exist Hope's Peak branches in every major country on Earth, with two in the United States. Teruko and co. are students of the East Coast Division's 27th class, meaning that one opened almost thirty years ago. This would also mean that Japan's Hope's Peak would have seen over 150 classes since its inception.

I bring all this up because, as has been made very clear by canon, Hope's Peak is a terrible place even in concept. When you remove the idyllic aspect of fostering talent and guaranteeing its students are set for life, the truth is that ultimates are stunted in their development. They're only encouraged to excel in their particular field, whether they really want to or not.

In addition, Hope's Peak has always quietly held this belief that only people with talent hold any worth; those without talent are just "ticks" who leech off the success of their betters. Characters like Byakuya and Nagito echo those very same sentiments, this extreme elitism that encourages people to view the "99%" as inherently inferior.

Even if you wanted to say Makoto managed to undo that idea, can we really say this divide would never come up again? No matter how many years pass or how many divisions of Hope's Peak are set up across the world? That seems really far-fetched to me.

Consider Min's bonus video. As she explains, she was never scouted by the school. Instead, America's Hope's Peak announced something called the Ultimate Contest for Eminent Students, where eligible high school students would be allowed to take a test, the best of whom would be admitted to the school when they graduated. The catch is that they had 12 years to prepare. Min, who was only 5 at the time, wasn't initially going to participate, but then the founder of a company called XF-Ture Tech approached her family- who was quite poor- and wanted to sponsor her in exchange for her participation.

She spent her entire life preparing for that test. And when she passed, she realized it was all really just an experiment to create their ideal version of the Ultimate Student. She even doubted that she was the best in terms of raw score, just that she met their desired expectations by cutting out everything else in her life for that test.

It also extends beyond just Hope's Peak itself. Those with power and influence now hold a strangle hold over the most vulnerable people out there, as we can see with the Lacroix family.

Rose wanted to help her family out of their financial limitations using her painting skills and her photographic memory, which lead to her becoming an art forger. However, at 15, she was found out and her family faced tens of millions in fines. This would've been the end, but then they were bailed out by a billionaire named Richard Spurling, founder of the Spurling Foundation. In exchange for clearing her charges, Rose had to sign a contract that meant she doesn't own the rights to anything she paints.

She hates what her life has become, where she can only ever really paint things at the whims of the Foundation because it was the only way her family could survive that mountain of debt. The exploitation there is undeniable.

No matter where you look, there's still exploitation and experiment abound with the school, corporations and the wealthy. And if you think the Spurling Foundation sounds bad here, they're implied to be responsible for something much worse.

Which is also brings us to Xander. See, there's a curious detail when we first meet him in the prologue:

And I agree. Xander being the Ultimate Rebel really doesn't fit him, as he's better described as the "Ultimate Revolutionary." Except there's no chance Hope's Peak would call him that, instead paying lip service to the idea in a digestible format to still support the status quo.

Xander is an activist who works to oppose corruption, but the ones who benefit from corruption wouldn't want him to flaunt that. It's a subtle but very clever detail that shows those in power still maintain a hold even over their beloved Ultimates.

They probably had no issue throwing the obviously corrupt under the bus to save their own hides, and raised Xander up with a quasi-supportive title. It gives them a chance to look like they're supporting what he's doing while still tying an element of a "rebellious child" to his image with the name.

Had Xander survived, he had a good reason to want to bring them down, especially the Spurlings.

3. Illness and Poverty

Xander's bonus video clued us in on what I believe is one of the most important parts of DT's continuity: the fate of the town of Chariton, implied to be where he lived. It seemed to be a small town, home to a couple hundred or a couple thousand people, where the only hospital for miles was "dinky, understaffed" and barely able to handle a minor flu outbreak. They were completely unprepared for what became known as the Chariton Incident.

When he was around 14, the town was hit by a disease that caused those infected to decay from the outside in; their limbs would stop working before their organs did, meaning they would just lay there and feel themselves slowly dying. So many died that nobody was left to move the bodies, so they were left where they fell, rotting in the summer heat.

The cause of this outbreak? A contaminated river that served as the town's water source. Chariton was an impoverished community, where people had no money to treat their water, get medicine from a nearby city or to even move out. It's also implied, based on Xander's anger, that Duke Spurling was partially responsible and that he got off the hook, which may be what drove Xander to become the Ultimate Rebel. Especially when you consider he's the only surviving member of his family.

Duke Spurling is, as the named implies and Dev has confirmed, the younger brother of Richard Spurling. The money and influence needed to get his brother off the hook is the very same that has the Lacroix family under his thumb.

So as we can see, Chariton was a major event in DT's canon. Not only does it showcase corruption, it also showcases understated but still prominent problems in the post-Tragedy U.S. If you pay attention, you'll also notice Teruko, Min, and Rose mention poverty playing a role in their lives.

As we can see, poverty plays a major role in their lives, and that extends beyond a personal level. Chariton's poverty is why the incident happened at all, and a big reason is because it's also an example of a medical desert.

"Medical desert" is a term used to describe regions whose population has inadequate access to healthcare. This can be all healthcare in general or in specialties such as dental care or pharmaceuticals. This is an especially prominent problem in rural areas, but it can affect urban ones too.

If that sounds implausible to you, today it's believed that around 30 million Americans- over 1% of the population- live over an hour from a hospital. Can you imagine how bad the problem is in a world after The Tragedy? All the damage to infrastructure, established institutions, the economy, and the population? I doubt Chariton was the first to see something this bad.

Ace's execution gives us more clues. In the Death By Illness section, there are several newspaper clippings on the wall, most of which are readable. One flashes on screen saying "Unexplained Illness Kills Thousands," which I believe is another reference to Chariton (why else would it flash on screen?), but there's more as well:

"More people are dying of cancer than ever before"

"Flu season claims thousands of lives"

"Falling rates of survival for hospitalized patients"

"Antibiotic-resistant infections a growing threat in this hospital"

One is harder to read, but I believe it mentions Chronic Kidney Disease being tied to an early death

Now, the interesting thing is that most of these are modern headlines, and they can be pretty misleading. The cancer one is actually based on the fact that more people are living longer lives, thus are reaching ages where they develop cancer due to their cell infrastructure breaking down naturally. It doesn't mean there's more cancer cases overall across all ages.

The only one that's not true is the falling rates one. Which suggests that not only was it Chariton, but healthcare infrastructure in general after the Tragedy seems to be a mess.

See, I was assuming that these articles are identical to what we see today. But it's also possible that the cancer one is now literally true, and it could be because The Tragedy was rife with this kind of horror. We know that terrorism, coups and wars happened for no reason other than to spread despair across the world.

Could you imagine how many nuclear, chemical, biological and radiological weapons were used? How many diseases and hazardous materials were seeded into the environment? If it's unsafe to drink tap water after a serious hurricane or earthquake, how bad is the problem when contamination is the goal?

And this doesn't even touch on how disturbingly easy it would be to spread long-term illnesses such as HIV or CJD in contaminated food and medical supplies. Some diseases have latency periods that last decades, meaning they could still be killing people even by the time DRDT is set.

Antibiotic resistance is also a very real and serious problem. Even today, some strains have become immune to even the strongest antibiotics available. This has given rise to Vancomycin-Resistant Enterococci or VREs, which are immune to basically every medication we can throw at them.

Now, it's still possible to deal with them, such as with naturally antimicrobial metals or experimental treatments such as CRISPR and Phage Therapy, but in a world that saw such a massive hit to everything? I'm certain antibiotic-resistance bacteria have become much more serious, potentially resulting in epidemics over the years.

And when these things happen, it's always the poor who suffer the most.

4. Lethal Repetition

Now we come to the most obvious example, something highlighted by the same reveal that DT is set nearly a century into the future:

Veronika, who provided us with information on the effects the Tragedy still has, apparently has never heard about The Killing School Life.

Now, it's important to keep in mind that most of the Killing Games in DR were pretty secluded and motivated. SDR2 was only broadcast to Future Foundation with the goal to allow Junko to escape into the real world, for example. However, DR1's Killing School Life was broadcast globally as a means to break humanity's hope by showing the Ultimates slaughtering each other. Instead, Makoto and co. managed to reinvigorate the world's hope and played a pivotal role in ending the Tragedy.

...And yet Veronika apparently hasn't heard any of it.

Now, there's two possibilities here, neither of which are good:

One is that the Mastermind has removed their knowledge of previous killing games, specifically. Now, I actually consider this an unlikely explanation because, not only does Teruko seem to vaguely remember the Killing School Life happened, but what's the goal in doing so for the participants?

The canon games all had solid reasons why the other masterminds erased the participants' memories: the revelation that they'd been killing their friends, the fact that their past identities were supposed to be undone to save them, even the fact that they weren't even who they were supposed to be in V3.

But what's the purpose of suppressing the memories of the Killing School Life in the participants themselves? Especially since this game is also apparently being broadcast to the outside world, although we only have MonoTV's word on that. Is it to undermine everything the survivors achieved or to get the participants not to consider the same strategies?

The other, more plausible explanation to me is that the mastermind isn't the one who erased their memories. The outside world did.

It's possible that, in the decades since the Tragedy and the drive to return things to the status quo, knowledge of the Killing School Life has been suppressed. It would be so easy to blame Makoto's decision to rebuild the school, but it's just as plausible that his attempts to genuinely reform the school were undone over the years.

Corporations and those that came after had a vested reason to improve their own reputations, and why would they allow their connection to the Tragedy to remain public knowledge? The entire thing began as a revolution of lower classes against the rich before it became a whirlwind of mindless violence.

So what does this mean for DT? This is more hypothesizing on my part, but I'd say this could tell us a lot about the potential motivations for this very killing game. Could it be someone trying to remind the world about this event and how we got here? Is it more retribution against the wealthy? Is it someone who was inspired by Junko to slaughter her friends? Or is it something else entirely? And what role does Teruko have if someone involved is so hellbent on trying to kill her?

For now, we can only speculate. But I can tell you that, based on what we've seen here, DT is probably the darkest future we could've gotten out of the canon series.

Happy Halloween, everyone!

#danganronpa #fanganronpa #danganronpa despair time #despair time #drdt #xander matthews #teruko tawaki #veronika grebenshchikova #rose lacroix #min jeung #nico hakobyan #j moreno #worldbuilding analysis #a different sort of post admittedly but this has been on my mind since Chapter 2 started and I really wanted to share #I'm really impressed by how much worldbuilding the Dev has slipped into all this #Genuinely great writing

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association-of-freed-people · 3 years ago

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Thought experiment: If Donald Trump had been reelected president, the vaccine(s) would've still sucked and been plagued with problems.

The big news outlets would've decried how shit they were (purely on the basis that they were supported by Trump, just coincidentally correct). Democrat voters would've followed suite, eventually leading to a left-leaning "antivax" movement (probably still decrying the right as "anti-science").

Trump supporters would've universally taken the vaccine, because they were Trump's vaccine(s). They would've been dealing with the horrid side effects of the vaccine(s) (strokes early on, blood clots and heart attacks more recently).

How Trump would've reacted to the vaccines being shit in that universe is something I cannot definitively guess.

There definitely would've been way more bizarro-world-esque differences between that timeline and ours, but this felt like the stuff I could predict with relative accuracy. Sound about right to you?

No, I don’t think so.

There was clearly a rift between fauci, the CDC, the NIH and the trump regime from the drop.

You’ll recall trump promoting certain treatment protocols and drugs that had shown promise only to be absolutely roasted by the cathedral.

The trump base was already loaded with skeptics, they were present going into it. It’s their nature. This is the same nature that produced trump in the first place.

In the early stages of this thing there were lines that were drawn in the sand almost immediately.

I think people fundamentally misunderstand what trump is as a political phenomenon. It’s not that a bunch of people followed him. He’s a product of a pleb rebellion, he’s the fly that people wanted to put in the ointment.

He was reluctant to do anything with respect to lockdowns or mandates and got roasted for that. He wanted to leave the response to the states. Roasted for that. Speaking for myself, I would have never injected them regardless because of the manipulations that were occurring with respect to changing definitions to suit the mRNA tech, the silencing of dissenting voices in the medical community and the complete lack of any effort to develop an official treatment protocol and what was an arguable effort to suppress the development of one.

I’ve seen others suggest the same as you, but given what I remember I don’t think that would have been the case at all. Fauci would have still danced for Pfizer and friends and the left still would have gone head over heels for daddy government, mandates and punitive action against anyone who should resist. Imo if trump would have won the friction from his office alone would have prevented the persecution from being as severe as it was. The employee mandate never would have happened for instance.

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chidoroki · 4 years ago

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Isabella - 73584

I had a serious debate with myself over whether or not I wanted to sit down and spend my weekend writing another one of these praise posts. I was content with just doing one for each of the Fullscore Trio kids and ending it there.. but apparently I love this woman too much to just ignore her on her birthday. So here were are on September 9th with a list of all her best and my personal favorite moments as to why I believe she’s such a great character, antagonist and mother (yeah you heard me right). Considering she only shows up in the beginning and very end of the story, this post ended up longer than I originally anticipated, which just goes to show how many thoughts I really have about this woman. (for real, this rivals Ray’s post in terms of points but there’s far more words)

Since she also has some backstory and certain events differ between manga and anime (thanks to the second season), I’ll try to go in chronological order between both timelines instead of chapter by chapter, which might be a bit confusing as we’ll jump around the story a lot but just to bear with me as I try to makes sense of it all.

(spoilers for the entirety of The Promised Neverland & ch181.7, so if you haven’t read/completed the manga yet, consider this your first warning, because I’m literally going from start to finish with this one last time. I promise.)

- I’m not sure how well she compares to Emma when it comes to athleticism, but Isabella seemed to have no trouble climbing up and down trees when she was younger.

- Not only that, but she managed to scale the wall by herself using a method that requires a fairly impressive jump. It’s also implied that this is how she climbs the wall again so many years later when chasing the soon-to-be escapees, which helps prove that even at an older age, she hasn’t lost her touch.

- Was chosen to undergo training to become a Mom, which required high test scores and the current mother’s recommendation. She accepted the offer in order to keep living and survive as human the demons couldn’t eat.

- Based on Sienna’s comment, is it fair to say Isabella is on par with the full score trio? I mean, the woman is basically flawless.

- She was practically untouchable during her time at headquarters while training too apparently. Mom positions are scarce so the environment where these ladies fight (physically/mentally/emotionally) to even snag that job is highly competitive, and yet Isabella never let anyone deter her from her goal of becoming a Mom, which probably led to the “Iron Lady” nickname she received now that I think about it.

- She was the youngest ever to be granted the Mom position at..what, 19? 20? Somewhere around there, but impressive nonetheless considering they’re forced to have a child, build up a strong, emotionless exterior and endure so much fear. (but my goodness, the woman doesn’t age at all. she looks just as good when the story actually starts as she did her when she was a bit younger)

- It became common knowledge among the Sisters that she was also very successful in the way she raised her children.

- Her success greatly benefited the farm, as she offered up countless high quality goods, which sounds terrible, I know, but believe me when I say she gave her best effort for her children. Even though she held the Mom position, the amount of power she actually had in this system was pretty minimal, especially with how much she valued her own life. She couldn’t afford to make any mistakes or risky changes, so she settled with doing the most with what she was capable of. She provided her children with a normal lifestyle, not only to keep up the orphanage facade, but knowing that their lives would all be cut shorter than they anticipate. She gave them love in hopes that no one would ever have to feel the dread she felt after Leslie’s death and/or finding out the truth. She tried to delay that horrific fate by encouraging them to learn all they can (like teaching the trio about strategy and chess) so they could achieve higher tests scores and (unknowingly to them) add a couple more months or years onto their lives. Yes it was her job to raise these children to such high standards but she excelled at it for their sake too.

- And I know y’all will just throw Ray in my face like, “oh but he was her actual child and she treated him horribly/different.” Okay but deep down I don’t think she actually wanted to? When they both realized they were truly mother and son, Isabella couldn’t just dote on him and start treating him as such. I’m sure Ray wasn’t too fond of Isabella at this point in his life either, knowing that she sent several of his siblings away to get killed. They probably would’ve gotten along just fine in a perfect world, but since they were both aware of the hell they’re trapped living in, they emotionally distanced themselves and formed a business-like relationship as a result of Ray’s deal, which benefited them both in different ways. For Ray, it was more practical, with the obvious notion of living as long as possible along with obtaining various rewards and knowledge of the outside world. For Isabella, it helped emotionally by simply just ignoring their true relation. I believe if she clung to that realization, it would break the orphanage illusion and eventually wear down her “Iron Lady” exterior that she relies so heavily on.

- Like can you imagine how much you would have to harden your heart in order to quite literally walk children to their death every couple months for years on end and just move on like it’s completely normal? Now imagine how earth shattering it must be to think about doing the same to your actual child. All those years spent perfecting a fake smile and emotionless exterior like she was trained to have and her son shatters it in an instant. She becomes completely terrified about how he’s actually alive and in front of her right now and there’s nothing she can do to truly save him.. and yet she still recovers so damn quickly I can’t even comprehend it! But there’s still some sadness in those eyes. You can’t tell me otherwise. That one moment of weakness speaks volumes to me.

- So now with her general backstory FINALLY out of the way, we can finally start with ch01/ep01 and how her laugh is sweet and innocent. I say that because (all hidden emotions and motives aside) that’s exactly how she’s supposed to sound in this moment, not only to us but to the children as well.

- She of course checks Emma’s tracker a moment later but other than that I still think it’s a pretty genuine moment between the two.

- As previously stated, her ability to raise high quality children is unmatched, which is clear as day thanks to the fullscore trio.

- Despite their crazy level of intelligence, the trio has yet to win a simple game of chess against Isabella, even when teamed up.

- She treasures everything about the kids.

- She really cares about them, even when it’s time to send them off with a smile, which we know is thanks to her strong facade.

- But mother dearest isn’t really fine. She doesn’t like walking kids to their death, especially so young. But she can’t let them (or even herself) know that. She can’t show weakness, so she hums Leslie’s song, which is a tool she’s used for years in order to give herself strength.

- Don’t worry, I disliked her this moment happened too, just as the story intended. And here’s where her fantastic antagonist role begins for all the world to see.

- A true champ at jump scares.

- Acts completely calm the night after a couple of kids found out the secret of the farm.

- She uses the tracker in plain sight, sending whomever went to the gate last night a threatening but silent message.

- Correct Norman, that’s the “Iron Lady” for ya. Also the name of ch03 for us. Well, “The Iron Woman” but same difference.

- She switches from calculating and manipulative breeder to sweet and pleasant mother so quickly and effortlessly it’s incredible. Isabella even checked Emma’s pulse in this scene to see if she was acting normal.

- At this point she still had no idea who went to the gate (Ray didn’t tip her off yet, at least I don’t think so) but her guess couldn’t have been more precise. The level of fear she drives into both Emma and Norman was great too, but then again her presence is enough in any scene to give us chills.

- Notices her watchdog isn’t at his usual post and starts to get suspicious.

- Not only of him, Emma and Norman, but Don and Gilda as well, thus giving the five extra chores to finish in an attempt to slow down any escape planning, such as cleaning vacant rooms, organizing the pantry and inspecting spare linen.

- While the trio believes Isabella was being too soft and patient in finding her targets, she effectively catches them off guard by bringing in Krone for assistance. The trio soon realize they were actually preparing the sister’s new room and those mundane chores were just an excuse to buy time.

- Look at her, all smug. Checkmate indeed. (and totally not important, but her eyes are such pretty shades of purple)

- The sass and her no nonsense attitude.

- Immediately puts Krone in her place the moment she even thinks about shipping out the targets. Of course holding off on shipping the targets would benefit the farm, as it would produce higher quality merchandise as time passes, but plant 3 is run by Isabella and she’ll be damned if an assistant thinks they could waltz right in and decide her children’s fate.

- She check’s Emma tracker again despite her claim of knowing exactly who the targets might be. You can never be too careful.

- Her precious children managed to win a game of tag against Krone, which is still impressive considering the kind of training the sister has gone through, so kudos to her teachings.

- Knows right away that Krone was trying to take advantage, which allows Krone to realize that the opening she had to learn more about the children was all planned by Isabella herself. Her intimidating nature is enough to scare adults too.

- Reveals that Krone was mostly summoned in order to keep Ray in check after his failure.

- Despite the trust issue, Isabella still keeps up her end of the deal by requesting the items Ray asked for, thanks to the odd perks she had under Grandma Sarah which allowed her to order goods that weren’t on the supply list.

- This hug between her and Phil is just too cute not to mention.

- I imagine she makes this comment because she knows exactly how long a rope must be based off her own almost-escape.

- It’s just something about how this scene is framed alongside this dialogue that makes me think “oh, like mother, like son.”

- I blame her very thoughtful planning for my first big freak out when I watched season 1 blind, like ma’am that’s my favorite boy, please don’t.

- She conspires with Grandma Sarah in order to get rid of Krone for good, which renders the evidence sister just found out about the children’s escape completely useless. Sarah believes there might be some truth to it, but ultimately ignores it and puts her faith in Isabella’s ability of controlling the children & the situation.

- She then cuts Ray off and ends their six-year long deal, opting to control the situation herself from now on. Also, how she wanted to keep him around until the very end is kinda bittersweet. Does she mean as merchandise? Or because she wanted him to live as long as possible? Ah such a tricky little comment.

- She also tosses him across the room like a rag doll.

- Thank god for this panel existing and actually being adapted into the anime so I could hear it because I had absolutely no memory of her laughing in this moment.

- “She says it so nonchalantly,” Norman said once upon a time, and it’s still so frightening.

- As insane as her ideals seem given the circumstances, nothing she says here is really a lie.

- She has the strength to quite literally break a leg and that cracking noise still haunts me to this day.

- It wasn’t even a spur of the moment thing either. Isabella came fully prepared with bandages to fix up any injury she was willing to inflict and that thought alone is terrifying.

- Not only that, but she broke it so cleanly that Emma’s leg does indeed heal perfectly in the exact time frame she estimates. This entire moment is so unfairly impressive, like ma’am how dare you do this to Emma of all people.. like why couldn’t you at least use that kind of force to snap Peter’s neck instead or something?

- To make matters worse, she then reveals Norman’s shipment date. And it’s the following day, which sends the kids into a very understandable panic.

- Needless to say, November 2nd, 2045 was a very successful day in the life of Isabella. Woman was putting everyone in checkmate in ep08 and my anger on full blast.

- This sly smile she sends Ray’s way after announcing Norman’s shipment to the younger kids is so cruel.. it’s perfect.

- I can only imagine she asked about Ray’s whereabouts because she knew the boys were close friends and she hoped they would at least say goodbye to one another, but that’s just me.

- Puts an end to Norman’s parting words in such a simple and chilling matter.

- The way she just openly threatens Emma with others just out of earshot.

- Norman out here asking the real questions. If anything, I say she’s more “content” rather than happy. I don’t think she’s ever really thought about her own happiness, at least not often enough, hence the slight pause. This entire time she’s been focusing on how to make her children’s lives perfect, but for herself she just wants to survive in this hellish world they’re all living in.

- I’m honestly still not sure who’s final decision it is to send people to Lambda, either Isabella, Peter or someone else (honestly never bothered to check), but whether or not Isabella had any say in the matter, I’m sure she’s at least a little glad that Norman gets to live a bit longer? Perhaps that’s a stretch, but I’m putting the idea here anyway.

- I say this because I believe that’s part of the reason why she offered Emma a Mom recommendation, not only because our girl’s high test scores, but in hopes that she could live a longer life.

- Although she really stresses in an intimidation fashion how pointless Emma’s efforts are now that Norman’s “dead,” the cliff remains a major hazard and her leg is still bandaged up, Isabella still tries so hard to convince her to give up, like Ray has, in order for Emma to end her own suffering. It was the first instance during my blind watch-through were I started to get the hint that Isabella might actually care about her kids, and of course I know now it’s because she didn’t want Emma to experience the same pain she did after Leslie’s death.

- With Emma and Ray both broken, things went by rather smoothly for Isabella those last two months, though she continued to keep a close eye on them.

- Her humming is so soothing. And why it took me this long to bring up “Isabella’s Lullaby” is beyond me, but oh my god, that song and any other soundtrack that uses its melody is absolute perfection.

- Had enough sense to not let her guard down the final night, even though her efforts were ultimately unsuccessful, but the idea counts.

- Though her caretaker side is focused on more during the fire, some motherly instincts do kick in as she instructs Gilda to get the babies from her room and lead everyone outside to safety. She was also concerned for Emma’s well being, hoping all the smoke didn’t get to her when the girl vanished. (i know you can argue “she’s only worried because they’re merchandise” which is fair but c’mon, i swear she’s not completely heartless)

- Took a hot minute (ahha) but Isabella eventually realized that the kids were actually escaping solely based on what they were wearing on their feet. I’m sure Emma’s discarded left ear was a big tip off too but to come to that conclusion by noticing the shoes they had on during all that chaos is surprising.

- She looks completely insane here but I always thought this shot of her was nicely animated with all the fire (or embers? sparks? whatever they are) flying around. The laugh she does before this is also a nice bonus. Oh, and she somehow managed to secure a radio from the room Don had locked.

- Figured the fifteen kids would head towards the bridge and called in headquarters to block it off.

- But when the children didn’t appear at the bridge, she just happened to know exactly where else they might try to cross the cliff.

- In the anime’s case, Isabella climbed the wall and ran there quick enough to engage in a stare down with Emma before she finally slid down.

- The moment I knew I was doomed.

- After the 15 kids successfully escaped, Isabella admits defeat, for she couldn’t really see how much her children have grown to outsmart her.

- This iconic quote, which conveys so much truth and sincerity. There were multiple occasions where she had to distance and restrain herself due to the system that controlled her, but the love she was able to show the children was genuine. If she wasn’t held back by the strict rules enforced by Mom position, I don’t doubt she would’ve treated Ray better or became far more emotional whenever a child had to leave for good or seriously injured, instead of donning a fake smile and being closed off.

- She realizes with this unspeakable loss in merchandise, the reputation she worked so hard to build up is meaningless now and that the farm no longer has any use for such an incompetent caretaker. She figures she’s as good as dead anyway now, so she wastes no time in actually helping the escapees by reclaiming the ropes to hide their exact method and route of escape, if only to grant the kids some extra time before the pursuers really locate them.

- She doesn’t act bitter as a result of her loss, instead choosing to wish the escapees luck with the future they grasped for themselves and care for the children that were left behind.

- She’s just so pretty y’all. Thank you anime.

- She was named “Best Antagonist” (and rightfully so!) back during the 2020 Crunchyroll Anime Awards, winning over Askeladd (Vinland Saga), Overhaul, (My Hero Academia), Garoua (One Punch Man,) & others.

(Post-season 1 spoilers ahead, even though the anime is completely finished at this point, but will be touching upon her special chapter more as well.)

- Completely owns up to her mistakes that caused the farm a massive loss in profitable goods and is ready to received whatever punishment necessary, which she expects to be death.

- Only.. she’s not being killed, she’s actually being promoted to Grandma. Though Isabella was directly responsible for the children’s escape, the blame ultimately falls on Sarah who couldn’t correctly control Isabella, thus leading the old lady to be shipped out in place of the goods Isabella lost.

- Peter also notes that the farm found more worth in Isabella than Sarah, so her past merits also played a part in sparing her life, as having a woman like Isabella in charge would surely produce the level of quality the farm needs.

- Isabella eventually accepts the promotion, though she can’t help but feel hesitant and shocked about the whole deal. This woman was ready to embrace death and finally be free from this cruel world, but now she has to witness not only more kids being shipped off, but moms and sisters in training as well (yay old chapter reviews coming in clutch).

- She could have very well just refused Peter’s offer, but we all know how much Isabella originally wanted to survive, so she doesn’t just accept because this man dangled a sense of freedom in her face, she also agreed so she could have the opportunity to help her children in any way her newfound power would allow her.

- Of course, her transition to Grandma happens a bit differently in the second season, but I will give some bittersweet thanks to the anime once more for the obvious but curse them for also having this entire scene dark as hell. Let me see her beauty darn it! I can only fix the lighting so much until it looks overexposed and bad again.

Anyways, Sarah is still alive at this point and taunts Isabella with the escapee’s lives just to see how she would react, which gave her a small sense of hope. Then some demons pay a visit later on and also ask if she would want to see the children one last time, but Isabella tells them that not only would she be too ashamed to face them but that they would manage to survive Grandma’s capture plan, which involved several men blowing up their shelter. It’s now clear to the demons that these children are special, and while Isabella agrees, it’s not for the same reason the demons think so. The demons believe the kids are special because of how they were raised to such a high quality. Isabella calls them special simply because they’re her children, just as any mother would.

- In the anime, it’s the demons who offer Isabella the Grandma deal if Sarah’s current plan were to fail (which it does) and she takes it and the freedom from Grace Field House without question. Do I still believe she had similar intentions to help out the children like she did in manga at this point? Of course.

- Not even a full month into her new job did she start preparing to help Emma & the others by considering who from the current Sisters she wanted to recruit to personally assist her destroy the farm entirely.

- A month later and Isabella had already decreased the number of shipments that took place at Grace Field, which obviously helps raise the quality of the children by default, but it also means less death and gives those kids a chance to live longer.

- She completely anticipated that Matilda, Jessica, Sienna & Scarlet were conspiring against her and caught them quite easily, as they were among the top scorers.

- Each had a fair chance at becoming Moms but with those positions limited, it was obvious to figure out they were trying to force Isabella’s seat open by creating some suspicious activity to place on her almost perfect record. Unfortunately for the girls, our new Grandma is too smart for her own good and I love it.

- The four women are apprehensive to join her insane plan to go against the farm, but Isabella assures them there’s no freedom if they follow the system’s rules and betray her. The harsh reality they’re all living in will continue unless they stop competing with one another and combine forces to defeat the true enemy.

- To persuade them further, Isabella mentions the children they all gave birth to are still alive, bringing out an array of emotions from the women that they each thought they had buried deep down.

- THIS! Just all of this is wonderful and shows just how much Isabella learned from her children who once defeated her.

- To fully gain the women’s trust, she gives them Ray’s farewell note that he originally left in order to bait Krone, as proof she won’t double-cross them at any point.

- I love the fact that she kept the note close to her because it acts just like all the other various toys and items she saved in her secret room back at plant 3. The original owners were all precious to her so she kept a piece of them behind to remember them in a place only she knew about. As I said before when mentioning her “I wish I could have just loved them normally” quote, all the love she had for her children had to be suppressed when she was under the system’s control, but that doesn’t mean she never cared. Because she did, and if I haven’t made at least that clear by now then I’m failing.

- Can her intentions and love for her children be any more clear? (possibly, i’m not done with this darn post yet. how you guys holding up? i’m going a little insane at this point.)

- Anyways! Second season didn’t make the rest of the story easy so apologies for any timeline mishaps as I switch between both anime and manga events from here on out.. like how in manga Isabella is informed of the escapee’s return to Grace Field via Peter, while the in the anime it’s her who helps lures them back with a fake transmission via the radio they stole.

- Just before Emma & the others do return to Grace Field on November 13, Isabella finally reaches out to the farm’s many other Sisters to recruit them. She waited until the right moment to inform them of her crazy takeover plan so Peter wouldn’t become suspicious from all of headquarters acting/thinking differently (you know, like how Emma kept the jailbreak plan under wraps until the night of). These ladies also feel a bit wary and even think of Isabella’s offer as a joke, but with some real, heartfelt encouragement, she manages to win over every single woman to her side.

- The moment when it was first revealed to us that she was not only still alive but was also promoted to Grandma is still so powerful.

- She snaps Nat’s finger back into place after Peter broke it. (and considering emma’s group infiltrates the farm right after this, i’m pretty sure that ch170 with rallying the sisters took place before this..i think?)

- Gave me a minor heart attack.

- *CLAPS FRANTICALLY!!!* The moment she truly won me over. 

- While her betrayal against Peter in the manga is fantastic and quite possibly one of my favorite moments, the anime did give us a little something too. It shows Peter spewing utter nonsense to Emma about how she’s destined to fail, only for best girl to bite back with such a fantastic quote, and then Isabella drops the act and switches sides. While I agree Emma’s comeback is “wonderful,” it’s the English dub that completely wins me over in this scene by having Isabella comment “Now that’s my girl” instead, like bro.. hearing that makes me so happy.

- For real dude, you have several highly skilled women pointing guns at you, I think her betrayal is crystal clear.

- This is like the perfect example of how she had to conceal her feelings while bound by the system. She just misses these kids so much y’all but she can’t let her true emotions show yet.

- Having her call Peter a boy is beyond hilarious to me. Also, how she disagrees with him on so many levels is excellent, like how he believes in experimenting on kids and having the right to call yourself their parent just because you created them, while Isabella believes in raising and loving children normally and that you earn that parent title by actually being part of their lives. To be fair they both inflicted pain on kids (Nat’s finger/Emma’s leg) but Peter’s action was a mistake in itself. Isabella got frustrated back when Krone even threatened to ship out the kids who discovered the secret, so you can bet she’s probably pissed off at this boy for harming one of her kids on purpose.

- The best mother-daughter moment ever! It’s such a shame it never got truly animated since the second season decided not to give the children guns, but we get to see a small smile from Isabella after Emma decided to still call her “mom.”

- The anime never gave Peter the chance to run away, like he (somehow) managed to do in manga, so we had the chance to see someone actually shoot at him. Well, in his general direction at least. Isabella lands a perfect shot not even a full second after he pulls out that disc. Accuracy on point.

- Said this once or twice in the past in manga so I’m glad the anime brought it back.

- Remains cautious and keeps her gun raised at Peter when Emma approaches him and rightfully so considering he still had his knife hidden at this point.

- Refuses Emma’s offer to join the kids in the human world at first because she knows that her (& the sister’s) actions shouldn’t be forgiven so easily, but with some rather blunt sympathy from Ray and encouragement from her other children, she finally gives in.

- This entire post summed up in one image.

- She apologizes even though distancing herself from her kids and preparing them for death were just required of her role as a caretaker. She wouldn’t have done any of that in a normal world. (do i sound like a broken record yet? probably)

- The emotion you hear in her voice during this entire dub scene hits my heart in all the right places.

- She still thinks of Leslie after all this time and I think that’s real cute.

- Her protective nature is on full display when she protects Emma from this bastard of a demon. A truly surprising and heartbreaking moment, considering this is the woman who’s survival used to be her top and only priority in the past, but now doesn’t hesitate to give her life in order to save her kid (and by extension that small girl emma saved. also, major heart attack for me).

- Despite being critically injured, this woman still possess enough strength to hold back a demon twice her size. She doesn’t even pay any mind to its nonsense. Like the demon, people often think this is when redemption arc starts but I believe it started way back in ch37 when Isabella retrieved and hid the ropes the kids used to escape. Ever since she admitted defeat on the wall that night, she threw caution to the wind and began cheating the system in hopes to one day assist the kids achieve a brighter future. Despite all the work she’s done behind the scenes, Isabella believes there’s still so much more she can do to atone, so even though she’s already received the children’s forgiveness, she continues to assist them by jumping in and saving them directly from demons for once in her life.

- Ma’am it’s sweet you’re so concerned with their safety, but we should be asking you that question ya know? (but then again emma was the same way after she woke up from her coma).

- Knows that just apologizing and saving Emma isn’t enough to suddenly forgive all her actions and wants to do so much more for the children as a result. Even though I already acknowledged all her subtle and hidden moments, I wish we got to see her care for them more openly.

- I simply can not read through ch177 and not get emotional. No matter how hard I try, I always feel tears start to form in my eyes. Oh my god, how cruel that death can be this beautiful. It’s so unfair.

- *uses old chapter review because I’m too upset right now* “She apologizes for everything. For not treating him right and loving him as a mother normally would her own son. For making him despise his life so much and enduring so much pain that he thought the only escape was suicide.”

- “She leaves him with one last wish to protect everyone, and that completely breaks me because you know exactly how much they both care for their family. Not only would they literally die for their family, but they would live for them too if someone asked. Truly like mother, like son.” (aaaaaahhhhh)

- Her, umm.. ghost (along with Conny’s & Yuugo’s) help Ray reunite with Emma in 2049.

- All my tears aside, the anime did something right by actually keeping her ALIVE!

- Have you ever seen something so GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL in all your life?? This image is so powerful it literally tossed aside any salty feelings I had that night with how the second season ended. Seeing her like this grants me so much happiness y’all, it’s truly unbelievable. I still can’t get over it and hopefully I never will.

Okay, now I’m done, thank god. Sorry this is like ridiculously long, especially since she’s absent for sooo many chapters. Also find it so hilarious how drastic my opinion of her changed from the beginning to now, from “bitch” to “oh my god I love her so much.” I know people will always have opposing opinions whether she’s actually a good mother or not and that’s totally fine. Wasn’t trying to convince y’all of that either because yes, some of her actions are real unforgivable, but she was suffering under the farm system too and just followed through with what she was trained to do in order to survive, but while other Sisters fought to climb ranks and help themselves survive, Isabella ultimately wanted the best for her children. The more power she gained, the more risks she took and once the system crashed so did her facade.

An absolute queen.

#the promised neverland #mother isabella #tpn isabella #tpn manga #tpn anime #chidoroki used chatter

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thepartyresponsible · 4 years ago

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this soundtrack fill is for kittenlzlz, who i cannot tag because it’s all sabotage all the time over here. also, i'm sorry, i didn’t realize you’d changed your prompt until after i wrote this one, so this is for the first thing you sent in.

anyway, here’s some dystopian sci-fi angst for sam and bucky with a hopeful ending. the song for this one is “achilles come down” by gang of youth.

—

When he was young, Sam spent thirty-seven weeks in New Mexico, learning how to keep people alive until evac. That others may live was a motto they preferred to operationalize rather than idealize, and, without the EMT training, pararescue tended to turn into high-risk body retrieval. So he spent the better part of a year learning how to keep a body breathing, and he learned, also, how to recognize when any effort was likely to be wasted.

Which is how he knows that what he’s looking at isn’t fully human. Because a human would already be dead.

It’s the blood that tells him, more than anything else. The Chitauri bleed a thick, dark blue substance that goes black if their cybernetics are leaking. And there’s plenty of blue and black puddled on the asphalt, but that red is a hemoglobin gift, and that means it’s all human.

“Shit, man,” Sam says, crouching next to the only human at this massacre. “You could keep a blood bank in business all by yourself.”

The man lifts his head and blinks at him, slow and a little dazed. Not dazed enough, though. He can almost focus on Sam’s face. “Not anymore,” he says, after a beat.

More blood bubbles up at the corners of his mouth. Sam can see it between his teeth.

“Yeah,” Sam says. And he laughs, because he might as well. Because he came out here with a team of ten to clean out the aliens, and it looks like one guy did their work for them. “Guess not.”

He’s a pathetic sight, really. Ragged body armor, hair clumped together, skin sticky with blood and ichor. He’s belly down on the cracked parking lot, and there’s a smear of blood behind him, showing exactly how far he’s managed to drag himself.

Sam’s not excited about what he’s going to see, when he rolls this guy over on his back.

“You gonna fight me if I help you?” he asks.

Most of them, these Enhanced, the surviving Super Soldiers, they can’t help it. Sam’s had to put a few down himself, although not for a while now. It’s been almost a year since he had to kill anything with a human face.

The man sighs. He rests his forehead against the asphalt, closes his eyes. His fingers flex and then go still. “I don’t know,” he says.

That others may live, Sam thinks. But the problem has always been that lives are balanced on both sides of the scales, and, sometimes, saving one means sacrificing another.

This man killed fifteen Chitauri, and he did it alone. There are kids back at the base. Vulnerable people.

The safest choice would be to leave him here. Let him save himself, if he can. But Sam’s never really been the safe choice type.

“Okay,” he says, hands curling around his shoulders, carefully rolling the man over on his back, “let’s see the damage.”

It’s enough to kill a human. But that’s not really what he’s dealing with.

—

The Super Soldiers were a desperation play. Sam was supposed to be one of them. The best of Earth’s fighters, dosed with serum, patched up with cybernetics based on Chitauri tech, sent out to face the enemies that had invaded the planet.

Sam’s still not sure exactly how it happened, what level of their defenses failed. He only knows failure by its consequences.

The neural implants were hacked. The soldiers turned against their people. Sam, who’d been four days out from his own procedure, was shifted to a team tasked with hunting them down and eliminating them.

These days, there aren’t many left. There’s not much of anyone left. The Chitauri fundamentally misunderstood their target. Sam could’ve warned them. The species of mutually assured destruction was never going to die quiet.

He thinks about that while the Soldier sleeps, chained to a bed in a locked basement in an abandoned building two miles from the base. Sam keeps watch. He has a radio in case anything goes wrong, but he doesn’t intend to use it for anything other than warning them what’s coming.

“I could’ve been you,” Sam tells him. And then, smiling at nothing, shaking his head, “Hell, you could’ve been me.”

He wonders where he’s from. He wonders what his name is.

He wonders, when he can’t help it, what he did. If he ever killed anyone Sam used to know.

—

The Soldier sleeps for forty hours and then sits straight up in bed, rips the chains off his wrists like they’re pipe cleaners, and then turns to face Sam. “What the hell,” he says.

“Oh, well,” Sam says, too startled to be afraid. “Didn’t want anyone stealing you.”

The Soldiers makes a face at him, an incredulous sneer that twists up his mouth and pulls his dark eyebrows together, and he looks so human, so perfectly skeptical, that Sam starts laughing.

“Well,” he says, with a shrug, “you killed fifteen aliens with a tire iron. You’re a treasure.”

“And I want it back.” he says, immediately. “Where’s my tire iron?”

“Confiscated,” Sam says.

He glares, and Sam‘s probably meant to be intimidated, but he knows – they both know – that, if this guy wanted to scare Sam, he could just start breaking bones. Or walls. “I want it back when I leave.”

“Leave,” Sam repeats. He kicks back in his chair, balances on the back legs as he swings his feet up onto the Soldier’s bed. “Why’re you leaving?”

The Soldier stares at Sam’s booted feet near his knees. “Usually it’s the fact that I’m a timebomb that chases me off,” he says, “but it looks like your manners are the real horrorshow around here.”

Sam grins at him. He’s merciless about it, uses the most charming smile in his arsenal. He expects the guy to soften a bit, but he’s not expecting the doubletake he gets, the there-and-away bounce of his stare, like Sam’s suddenly something he wants to look at but doesn’t want to get caught looking at.

Huh, he thinks.

“When’s the last time you hurt someone?” Sam asks.

The Soldier’s face crumples up and then flattens out. “What is this? Some kinda trial? An interrogation?”

“If this were an interrogation, I wouldn’t’ve given you the soft pillows,” Sam tells him.

The Soldier doesn’t look like he buys it. But, after a moment, he tips his head to the side. “Probably wouldn’t want to get blood on these white sheets,” he acknowledges.

“Christ,” Sam says, because that more or less seems to be the only thing he could possibly say to something like that.

The Soldier shrugs. He brushes his hair away from his face, blinks, and gives Sam a skeptical sideways stare. “Did you wash my hair?”

“With a firehose,” Sam confirms. “Damn near shaved the whole thing off. You were a mess, man.”

He shrugs. “It’s messy work.”

And, sure, it is. Sam knows. His base is the first resettlement outpost in this region. They’ve been clearing Chitauri out of the area for months.

But he still takes a damn shower whenever possible.

“Who were you?” Sam asks. “Before the program?”

The Soldier looks away. Looks at nothing. After a long pause, he recites, careful and rote, “Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. 107th.”

“Okay,” Sam says. “James. When’s the last time you hurt a human being?”

He worries at his lower lip, teeth pressing into the skin. He’s quiet for a very long time. “Thirteen months, ten days,” he says, finally.

Sam considers the timeline. “You think it’s over?”

“I think the implant’s in my fucking brain,” he says. “It’ll be over at brain death.”

“It’s just a chip,” Sam says. “It’s not sentient. Someone’s gotta send the message, right?”

The Soldier’s jaw works. “Even if the aliens stay out, there’s gonna be plenty of people who want to use someone like me, as soon as they rebuild enough to manage.”

It’s a hell of thing, and it could’ve been Sam.

He nudges the Soldier’s knee with his boot, and the Soldier stares at the point of contact. He doesn’t look angry anymore. If Sam had to use a word to describe the expression on the Soldier’s face, he thinks he’d use something bittersweet and barbed, something like lonely or longing.

“Gonna be a long damn time before anyone’s rebuilt,” he says.

“Aliens could have reinforcements here at any time,” the Soldier says.

“Maybe,” Sam says, although he thinks they might’ve learned some kind of lesson. At the very least, they’ve probably learned that it’s just not worth the effort.

“Look,” Sam says. “I think you should come back to the base.”

“No,” he says. Immediate and definite, louder then he’s been so far.

Sam expected it. Maybe part of him hoped for it. “Okay,” he says. “Then we’ll stay here. And, when you’re better, I want you to take a radio. And I want you to check in with us. All right? Every day.”

The Soldier stares at him. “Why the hell would you want that?”

Sam smiles, studies the hollows of the Soldier’s face, the scars, the freckles he must’ve earned when he was young, used to play too long in the sun. He has, Sam thinks, beautiful eyes. “There’s not a lot of us left,” he says.

“‘Us,’” the Soldier repeats, scoffing audibly.

“Us,” Sam repeats. He nudges the Soldier’s knee again, and the Soldier cuts his eyes away, glares at the wall. But, a moment later, he shifts, leans his knee into Sam.

—

His name is Bucky Barnes. He’s fussy as hell, stubborn beyond belief, helpful every chance he can get, and fond of cats and songbirds. He doesn’t cheat at cards, and he doesn’t accuse Sam of it either, even when Sam beats him damn near every hand.

He’s a good man. Even now.

“I’m gonna miss you,” Sam says. Because it’s been two weeks, and Bucky’s decided he’s well enough to go.

Bucky ducks his head. “Shut up,” he says.

Sam wonders if he was always this head shy about affection.

“C’mere,” he says. “I’ll give you a goodbye kiss.”

“Shut up,” Bucky says, practically scuttling away, head still ducked. When he raises it, he’s grinning one of his ghost grins, the ones that almost show who he used to be, like a faint echo of a louder, happier man.

“Okay,” Sam says. “But if I don’t get a goodbye kiss, I’m definitely not gonna talk dirty to you on that radio. You gotta put in the work, Bucky.”

“I hate you,” Bucky tells him, and his crush couldn’t be more obvious. Sam would be embarrassed for him, if he weren’t busy being charmed.

“Yeah, yeah,” Sam says. “Check in every day, or I’m gonna track you down.”

“Hm,” Bucky says. He adjusts his pack on his shoulders. He’s got that tire iron, an alarming number of knives, and two guns. He’s setting off to kill more aliens. He’s going alone. “That supposed to be a threat?”

He was a Barnes in the Army and Sam was a Wilson in the Air Force, and so Bucky is a Super Soldier and Sam is not. It’s unpredictable, sometimes, the way mercy falls.

“Be careful out there,” Sam says, and he knocks his elbow against Bucky’s.

“Yeah,” Bucky says. He rolls his eyes and then catches Sam watching, and he blinks, falters. “Yeah,” he says, again. Softer, steadier. A promise, not a joke.

Sam considers him, lets the moment hang. Waits. Sometimes, all Bucky needs is the space and time to make up his own mind.

“I’m gonna miss you, too,” Bucky says.

“There it is,” Sam says, grinning, almost crowing in triumphant. “There--”

“Oh, Jesus,” Bucky says, rolling his eyes again, getting theatrical about it. “I already regret saying it.”

“Can’t take it back,” Sam taunts, grinning wide and smug.

“I’m going,” Bucky says, and he starts off, doesn’t look back.

“Hey, Buck,” Sam calls, when Bucky’s just about to break through the treeline, disappear into the woods. “I hate to see you go, but I love----”

“Fuck off, Sam!” Bucky says, but he’s laughing, and Sam can still hear it – surprised and happy, fully human – even after Bucky disappears.

#writing #soundtrack fills

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chewbokachoi · 1 year ago

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Oh look things I've been thinking about and how I just got permission to ramble tf on and take forever to get to the point

Things to consider: -Ashrah says her Kriss senses no evil in him, thus he is pure of heart -This version of the Lin Kuei is much better than the previous timeline's -Nature vs nurture

Note: This is all just my random ass thoughts so disregard as you see fit.

I think for Tomas, I would say a huge part of it is the fact that he's "pure of heart." What that means isn't exactly set in stone. We see lots of good people in the series who aren't pure of heart. So this means I'll just go with my own interpretation which could be wildly off base.

I really think Tomas's way of dealing with things is to just bury it. He puts others before himself in every way. Kitana makes it clear her purpose is to serve the Empress/be there for her sister, and Ashrah says she senses no evil in Kitana either. So, to me, Tomas isn't exactly dealing or coping in a healthy way. He's just doing what he thinks is for the good of everyone.

It also helps that the Grandmaster of this Lin Kuei regrets what happened and made efforts to correct what he could. From what's been said in story mode, this Grandmaster was a gentle man, so he probably had the patience for a traumatized kid as well as the understanding of how awful his situation was. I imagine that probably went a long, long way for Tomas.

So this leads us to the nature vs nurture idea. Tomas has a loving or caring nature and was nurtured in an environment that likely promoted that. Tomas's bio says he chose to join the Lin Kuei to defend Earthrealm, which also means this man who took him in gave Tomas the choice for what to do with this life. Even if his two brothers were to protect Earthrealm, Tomas had the choice to not if he didn't want to. Which would go to show just how potentially healthy this environment was.

But looping back to the initial question of supports within the Lin Kuei, my guess is Follow the Leader. Tomas was taken in and treated as the Grandmaster's son, and when he chose to join the Lin Kuei, he was taken in as a brother in arms and treated with the same respect they'd show their other members. As for what he did for himself, well -points to everything else above the bold-

For Smoke to turn out a decent despite years and years of trauma, I’m curious to know what kind of work he did with himself and what his support system was like in the Lin Kuei, other than Kuai Liang and his adoptive parents. Thought?

#mk1 2023 #boka rambles #tomas vrbada #mk smoke #hi don't mind me i have not had enough coffee and got an excuse to not shut tf up about blorbos

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mc-doppomine · 4 years ago

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Dunno why this came to mind...maybe calculating Jakurai’s deal here...Who knows but here I am imagining how much schooling these boys have gone through.

As a note, I am not saying their schooling level as any jab to them. All people are different. Some would prefer going to school, some do not have the opportunity and some have other things to do. It really is many reasons why they would or wouldn’t go on. And I’m just guessing what I think they’ve done based off information we have of them.

Buster Bros!!!

Ichiro I feel only completed compulsory school and some of high school. He was too busy supporting the orphanage and his brothers to really keep up with it. And considering Yorozuya Yamada is likely their only source of income, he hasn’t really gone back either. I don’t that particularly bothers Ichiro since while he wasn’t bad at school he wouldn’t say he liked it either.

Jiro is at the age where he didn’t have to go to school anymore but Ichiro made him stay. As it was just better options for Jiro if he does finish school. He also doesn’t go to cram school as 1) he can’t stand school as is, 2) he likely goes to help Ichiro with the business and 3) there’s a chance they can’t afford to send him. Despite the latest drama tracks, I don’t see school being a point of contention between them even if Jiro doesn’t like school. I don’t see him pursuing a traditional higher education, if he even goes at all.

Saburo is still in compulsory school as far as I understand so it’s not really a question of if he goes. But obviously Ichiro would want him to stay. Especially him because he’s good at it and seems to like it. That and it might help Saburo’s social skills to have to be around kids his age. For the most of the same reasons, Saburo doesn’t do cram school either. If anything he probably could tutor if he didn’t get so easily frustrated with people. I do feel he could make it to the top schools when he gets older but I see an interest in going overseas for uni.

Mad Trigger Crew

Samatoki I don’t think went past compulsory schooling. He was too busy with yakuza stuff to really deal with school. I see him getting into a lot of fights over his background, namely badmouthing of his parents. He probably had Nemu stay though because he wanted her to have options. I think he’s really good with money even though he probably hasn’t had to worry about it for a long time

Jyuto I initially was gonna say did go to college but researching a little bit, he probably didn’t. He only would need to finish high school and pass exams. Which I feel he was prepared for. Like I think he’s been set on being a cop for a long time and worked for that. Which is why I’ll also go out on a limb and say that in high school this boy was a runner so he was also in shape for his training when he passed exams. I also think Jyuto was a good boy student.

Rio likely went into military service as soon as he could, which I believe is 18 over there. It’s a little harder to tell about how the service was since the world of hypmic is one that had another war, so it’s likely his time was busier than what it would be normally for someone in the navy. He absolutely could’ve gone to uni and come back to get a better rank but I don’t think Rio really cared about that aspect of it. (This man knows communications and some hacking, you cannot tell me he couldn’t have gone far) I will say he likely took advantage of his half-American status and is fluent in English as it would’ve been useful for joint exercises with the states. I think the dissolution of the navy really shot him in the foot but he’s just too resourceful to keep down with that.

Fling Posse

Ramuda...obviously didn’t. And I don’t think his records would show anything. Like if it had to show anything, it would probably show him going to a super large school where it’s completely possible no one knows who the hell he was (because he was never there). And if he was based off someone, he likely had some of his credentials taken from them. He understand the culture of schooling though, I mean his style and personality does seem to draw girls high school age and older.

Gentaro is pretty hard to imagine to be honest. I don’t see him enjoying his school life and being around classmates for an extended amount of time. And while I think he could’ve spent some time in academia in literary research, I also see him finding it way too stuffy for writing. But I think ultimately...he went to uni for a short time. For some reason I just don’t see him vibing with how the system is for it.

Dice did not. I don’t think he finished high school although he could’ve if he wanted. But he probably avoids it because it’d be an easier way to keep track of him and run contrary to his stray sort of life style.

Matenrou

Jakurai...is a doctor...I sure HOPE he went to school for his profession. So he studied some of the stuff you need for doctoring during his time as an assassin but he didn’t actually go into studying to be a doctor until he quit his killing at 23. He probably went into the national defense medical college, which seems to be 6 year program but you have an extra 2-3 years of compulsory service with it. I think he likely finished his compulsory service, at the latest, a year before the Dirty Dawg timeline. Or OR he faked his schooling and just knew the equivalent knowledge from his time as an assassin and was able to pass his exams and later studied whatever he lacked. He’s basically fully legally certified NOW, don’t worry...

Hifumi I just can’t see going past high school. Like I’ve always seen the incident happening in his last year of high school and it made it difficult for him to even finish. And considering he claimed in the first Matenrou drama track that he didn’t find a way to live with his phobia until he was 20...I don’t think he went. Not that he would’ve been interested in it. Hifumi is interested in what he likes and wouldn’t want to put the effort either way. I don’t think he really cares and he has more than enough skills (and money) to do just about whatever he wants.

Doppo likely went to uni. He couldn’t get into the real prestigious schools and knew he couldn’t so just went for wherever he could get into rather than wait to test again. I feel like his degree is in either accounting or business. I think he had a part-time while in school to pay for it since it seems like his family might not be as well off or he didn’t want to burden his parents (in a passing conversation I think he mentioned paying for his brother’s exams or schooling). For some reason I also can see him having a minor in biology because I see him either knowing a lot about plants or knowing a lot about marine life. What kind of person just thinking of a water flea for like a small creature?

Dotsuitare Hompo

Sasara I feel like he didn’t go past high school. Not that he couldn’t. Just that he didn’t find a need to? Not when he was set on going into comedy. Like it was either make it or be trapped with his family. And he was hard noooope.

Rosho....is a teacher? I sure HOPE he went for his teaching certificate. I don’t think he was going to initially and might not have while he was doing the comedy game with Sasara? Their time line is a little fuzzy, I haven’t found the indicator of if Rosho and Sasara disbanded before he went to MCD or after. If it was before, then yes he went to school after they disbanded. If not, then he was in school while doing the manzai thing. So yeah dual major of mathematics (or statistics) and education (he didn’t need both but I have faith in him).

Rei most definitely went to fucking uni. This bastard would let you think he didn’t but he did. He’s probably a fucking doctor or just shy of it. Drives me mad. Why am I sure? Because if Rei is behind the hypnosis mics. As in the designer and/or inventor of it, he is a scientist or engineer of some type. I see him having a degree in either biotechnology or neuroscience. I learn towards the latter because I feel like he also got a minor in psychology (or y’know what, business is possible too for a minor). Just to mess with people.

Bad Ass Temple

Kuko I feel was the same as Ichiro in that he went to high school but not necessarily finishing it. I don’t believe he would’ve had to...if anything he’s gone back to his teachings at his temple. Yet it seems he doesn’t do that either so I’m not sure. I just don’t think he did anything past high school.

Jyushi I think he might’ve just finished high school? I don’t know if he was just finishing or he’s soon to be doing exams. But I think he’s going to finish regardless. Y’know I feel like Jyushi would’ve liked going to uni. I can’t think of what he’d go to school for though! Would it be adding too much work to a passion if he did something with music theory?

Hitoya...is a lawyer? So yeah? And you have to wonder if Hitoya is a masochist or loves to learn or what have you. Because he was in medical school WITH Jakurai. And then when they part ways, he quits and then goes into LAW. Are you kidding me? Hitoya, Hitoya please...I looked it up, he HAS to be a masochist! Law in Japan is super hard to get into! It has one of the most difficult bar exams to exist! What are you doing, man??? Although...I think Hitoya is still fairly new as a lawyer though because him starting when I assume Jakurai started school at 23, would have him only being fully practicing for 5 years. And that’s assuming he dropped out the first year and not later...which would only shrink he years outside. Unless whatever he got for his bachelors was applicable for law too (behavioral science?)...either way, yes he’s done it and he sure does do a lot to beat a guy that doesn’t even know they’re competing.

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abbydramarambles · 5 years ago

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The REAL Ending CLOY

This is my headcanon and you can’t tell me otherwise. The epilogue in Switzerland is set a few years after the events of that piano concert. They have already found a way to be together more permanently. To me the house doesn’t seem like a vacation house, it seems like a home home.

There is that photo of Se-ri on the bridge, not something one would frame for themselves. RJH definitely lives there. Check out the north Korean coffee kettle and other souvenirs as well. This is the sort of stuff one would have in their home.

The only thing holding RJH to North Korean is his parents, the fact that they could be killed if he were to defect. After they die, he has no reason to stay. We’ve already been shown that he is resourceful and would know exactly how to get out. Not to mention that everything in north Korean runs on money, if you have connections like Se-ri and RJH do....anything is possible. And to me these two people with all their power, well they would find a way.

Dan’s mother travels out of the country a lot as well for business. I think the 2 weeks is the longest trip Se-ri takes while RJH’s parents are alive. It’s not the only trip of the year. I doubt her employees would be saying “you’re going to Switzerland again??” if it was a once a year sort of deal they wouldn’t think she had a man. They even say “it’s lasting a while this time”. Come on who in the world would think it’s a relationship if their boss goes to switzerland for 2 weeks a year. It’s her favorite 2 weeks of the year because of it being uninterrupted time.

Well with her wealth and his determination, and connections via his family, I'm sure they'll find a way eventually, either it is his parents passing away (since it has been about 6 years between him going back to NK and the epilogue meetup), or him somehow getting a long term mentoring position at Switzerland. You’re telling me Dan’s mom a department store owner can swing to Europe anytime, and Se-ri who created a whole scholarship for her man can’t swing something in collaboration with Papa Ri?

I got the impression the student performing his song on stage was a full-time student in Switzerland. RJH is not studying abroad but is teaching NK scholarship winners. Seri has been traveling back and forth a lot but these two weeks are the longest continual time they have together.

When Seri first sees him in Switzerland she asks how dangerous his journey was, and he didn’t answer, just said he got on the wrong train but reached his destination. “Destination” implies a final location to me, not just a two-week stay. For two people who find it torturous to be apart for even a moment, destination would not have been thrown around like that. It could’ve taken his Dad some time to manage the politics to make a permanent teaching position with the National Symphony. He did see his son cry in the car after leaving her. That man is powerful, the 3rd most powerful man in North Korean. A political manipulation genius, a man always one step ahead of the others. He got his son and 5 people in and out of South Korea. You best believe he can make it happen. He’s not going to sit back and leave his only son living without his only dream. Plus RJH was never a flag waving patriotic North Korean anyway. He already expressed that he wanted to stay with SeRi in South Korea, have a child that looks just like her. It’s kdrama script writing 101 to not have your lead character mention a deep desire such as this one unless its foreshadowing or serves a larger purpose. And Park Ji Eun is no noob writer.

Let’s look at the way the show itself references fate and destiny. Regardless of how impossible it may seem, these two always managed to find each other again. Fate is pushing them together and is on their side. I don’t think fate wants them to meet 2 weeks a year. Fate didn’t make them meet in Switzerland, in North Korea, in South Korea, and in Switzerland again for 2 weeks a year for the rest of their lives. I can’t entertain that. A lot of people think that the epilogue on the hill and when she meets him for the first time again in Switzerland with the parachute are the same time frame. I don’t think so. I really do think the piano concert is the ending and the picnic is the epilogue. It’s years from then, when everything has been sorted about how to be together permanently and it’s a window in to happy every after. Just look at their body language and expressions in the last scene, they are totally at peace and seem to have gotten everything they wanted. Even the music radiates peace. Listen to the lyrics of Sigriswil that play as the camera pans out “wandering this strange night, won’t you be here by me? now I hold your hands, with you I’ll be alright...how does it feel, my friend? It’s been a long day and night” THEY ARE NO LONGER WANDERING ALONE THAT IS THE POINT. period. It was a “long day and night, but now I hold your hand” ... how does it finally feel to have your happy ever after....my friend. IT REEKS OF OPTIMISM and closure. In film making the atmosphere says everything about what is unsaid in the script.

You best believe he won’t leave a stone unturned to be with her, see her grow old and live in the house of dreams with their twins. Just the fact that he vocalized this thought in the show leads me to believe that it did indeed happen.

Believe in what the show is telling us to believe. What it’s showing us, not telling us even. That love will always find a way.

Cloy’s ending also reminds me of very heavily of (spoiler) that of “my love from the stars”. It was written by Park Ji-eun, the same writer as CLOY. So yes they are forced to be apart in that show too, but he finds his way back and each time they meet its for longer and longer and its implied that one day it will be forever. If an alien could find a wormhole to make it back to his love interest, north korea isn’t looking too bad. Same thing with her other star crossed lovers show “legend of the blue sea”. The mermaid finds him again against all odds and they live happily ever (plus a baby). Hey I’m just saying that the precedent has been set on how this seperation works through our writers own works. Having seen all of Park Ji Eun I know exactly how she structures her endings. It’s almost always the same. The mermaid made it back, the alien made it back...north korea is where we draw the line? They’re only apart for awhile till they figure it out, and they work hard to do so.

Whatever this image is from TVN left it unaired. They shot something they had to pull back. My crack theory brain says she looks a bit pregnant. Actually, that ain’t even a crack theory, I stand behind it. Son yejin is so slim, and judging by the material of the dress it just wouldn’t fall like that unless they were trying to make her look pregnant. Like LISTEN, just LISTEN to me. They put in the effort to get the actors in these outfits we have never seen before, they even gave seri flowers...whY?? There are no other purely promo shots that didn’t have footage attached. The only ones I can think of are the ones they took in front of a greenscreen for the photoframes inside their house. THIS WAS A REAL SCENE THAT WAS DELETED. South Korean dramas pre-film certain scenes (like the swiss ones) and live film the others to make slight changes to the storyline based on audience reaction. During airing there was quite a lot of political backlash a la north korea.

There are some stills TVN released that weren’t screencaps. But ALL of them were in outfits relating to scenes we have seen, such as this one. It just would make no sense for them to go out of there way to get this image on the jam packed expensive swiss schedule and not just do greenscreen in korea like they did for all the other promo material UNLESS it was a real scene.

So you want more evidence for plot points that indicated the original, unaired, together forever in Switzerland ending?

Let’s look at some details, at one point in Episode 14 when Jeong Hyeok's father is meeting with the bad guy Senior Colonel who tries to use photos of Jeong Hyeok in Korea as a bargaining chip, he says "You should retire quietly. Using your health as an excuse won't raise any suspicions." now whilst this may be a casual reference to him being old and that health issues are plausible, it's also possible Jeong Hyeok's father has had some long term illness they've not mentioned which would add to why it wouldn't raise suspicions.

The main reason I thought of this is it would sort of line up with some other details, in the finale when they're deciding whether to send them back or not, at the NIS briefing they mention how the North has requested keeping it quiet and confidential, they mention "They want the confidentiality term to be five years. They're being sensitive about it because one of them is a high-ranking officers son". Then if we fast forward toward the end when Se-ri is receiving the timed messages, a year passes after her birthday message from Jeong Hyeok, after that scene we see Jeong Hyeok having his farewell meal with the townspeople and preparing to leave after being accepted as a pianist for the National Symphony Orchestra, presumably around the same time as Se-ris birthday given that scene was right before. Se-ri then comes up with her Switzerland Music academy idea probably a few weeks or month or so after she read RJH's text about meeting and then it tells as it's one year later, Se-ri waits but doesn't meet him and returns home, her mum says "It breaks my heart to see you return in disappointment every time" which if that's a correct translation it means it's been more than once by this point. Add up this entire timeline....guess what it comes out to. FIVE YEARS. That’s how long it takes them to sort out a permanent solution for their problem.

When he chooses to defect it will be much easier for him considering he’s making trips to Switzerland already. All he would have to do is walk into a South Korean embassy in Zurich. They have an open door policy for North Koreans, he doesn’t even need to cross the DMZ again.

You want even MORE proof? Okay my friend, I’ll bite. Why are there photos of a couple with children?? Honestly come on I really don’t have to say more.

They had to leave the ending open. Due to the political situation, they couldn’t exactly show RJH, a North Korean, defecting. Pretty sure our buddy Kim Jong-un would not be chill with that. However ridiculous it is, the show had multiple attacks on it while it was running by political parties saying it violated the “national security act”.

The ending was clearly cleverly re-edited to be less explicit so the viewer can read between the lines but the show-runners can protect themselves from lawsuits and public sentiment regarding a sort of maybe illegal situation. If you believe they met for two weeks a year for the rest of their lives, you don’t know RiRi Ri-eally well ;)

#crash landing on you #cloy #yoon se ri #ri jung hyeok #ri jeong hyeok #hyun bin #son ye jin #kdrama #binjin #dooly #riri couple

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somethingorotherer · 11 months ago

Note

alright so, Exolitic (that's the name of the thing) is mostly focussed around the development of magical theory, which may seem like a weird thing to focus on, but i can't write characters to save my life and i don't really think i can do countries to the same standard as the rest of my stuff.

let's start with the basics, then I'll get into the timeline. Exolitic is set on Earth, to a certain degree. outside the planet, most things are the same as real world, all astronomy is as it should be and the like (except for some experiments i'm not sure about making cannon yet). Magic in Exolitic runs on Mana, and mana runs on space. When a mage attempts to pull mana (called channeling), they draw on the magic that saturates the space inside their own bodies. Critically, this is not taking from the body itself! there is no danger in casting magic, that's not the limiting factor. The real limiting factor is knowledge and complexity, just like any other part of human existence (see, chemistry, engineering, storytelling, farming). Magic is a part of reality, so it's really complex and requires study and community effort to use to it's real potential. i won't go over how magic is used just yet, but i'll get on that in another post. onto the timeline, the timeline of Exolitic is split into 3 Ages, each handily numbered. each age is based on a form that fantasy has taken as a genre, and the edges are defined by the use of something called the "grand entrance" which i don't have time to go over here, but let's go over the ages quickly. there are also smaller "periods" within Ages, but these are murkily defined and historians in universe debate them consistently; it's basically like real history. Age 1 was based around old fantasy, mostly drawing on fairy tales and to a lesser degree mythology (though i always feel like taking those stories is sort of disrespectful to the people who actually believe in them, despite that not seeming to be remotely true.). in this age, the gods still lived. these were not good gods, and they were absolutely out for humanity's collective heads. most humans either lived in small, hidden villages, or moved with herds of animals, as these were the only things that could be effectively hidden from the gods. again, we're hitting territory i don't have the time to explain here, so just know for now that we did manage to force the gods out of reality, through the Grand Entrance. i know that's a lot to gloss over, but i need to stay on track. Age 2 was based around Tolkien and descendant fantasy (I include DND type fantasy, and honestly a good most of modern fantasy in this), and is probably the age i know most about. This was an age of high magic, where the land was dominated by wizards towers that stretched taller than skyscrapers. Each tower was unique, because each was under the command of a single Archmage. Archmage's were powerful, studied, and talented mages proficient in all magic that was known of at the time, but their power was not internal. If you met an Archmage, they would only seem like an unusually good quality mage - it was the tower that held all thier strength. by engineering these magically reinforced structures, fed by the mana of the towns that grew at thier bases, they became practically unstoppable within thier small sphere of influence. as the age progressed, towers grew taller and cities grew larger, and magic was at it's most powerful. At one time, when seven Archmagi were convinced to combine thier strengths, the greatest tower was produced, and with it the greatest city - The Magnum Opus, who's peak reached so high up that gravity could not be felt. Age 2 was ended by two events at the same time; the discovery of the Counterspell Formula, and the reopening of the Grand Entrance. okay bad news tumblr won't let me put it all in one post. 1/2 i guess

Oooo, I saw in your bio you're working on a fantasy world which is AWESOME!!! can you tell me about it (only if you want of course, sorry if I'm being a pain)?

yes100%immediately alright i need to think of somewhere to start with this because it's not straightforward. hold on, take this post as confirmation while i think of somewhere to start.

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intheseautumnhands · 4 years ago

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Sorting The Last 5 Years

Hello I’m back with yet more tiny fandom sorting because I have Thoughts and also, Feelings. Let’s talk about The Last 5 Years, which has ranked consistently among my favorite all-time musicals for so very, very long, and has such great characters for dissecting.

First some brief housekeeping: This is based specifically off the script for the stage show, and the cast recording version by Norbert Leo Butz and Sherie Rene Scott in 2002. I have not been lucky enough to see this live. I also promise no consistency with the movie because I just... nope, sorry, don’t like it. I think I remember things being consistent enough that this’d probably be good for both, but I’m not gonna try to include movie-based thoughts.

Second: I am not purposefully getting into the great “who was at fault” debate but I think my thoughts on them as characters makes it clear that I think both of them have flaws, and that while Jamie crossed a lot more lines at the end, neither of them are blameless for the relationship’s issues. SHC is always kinda YMMV, but even moreso than usually, if you’re really biased towards one side or the other, we probably read these characters very differently. Which is cool and I’d love to hear other opinions! But I will not be surprised if we disagree somewhere along the line.

I’m going to do this slightly different than usual -- since we’ve only got two characters to talk about, and I want to discuss how their houses bounce off each other, I’m going to go by house instead of discussing by character. In addition, I’m going to go Secondary first, because I have a lot I want to say about their Primaries.

Secondaries

In his second song of the show, Jamie tells us exactly how he approaches life:

But I say no, no, whatever I do I barrel on through, and I don’t complain No matter what I try, I’m flying full speed ahead.... Things might get bumpy, but Some people analyze every details Some people stall when they can’t see the trail Some people freeze out of fear that they’ll fail But I keep rolling on

If I had to pull out one singular moment to crystallize how he approaches things, that’d be it. Jamie doesn’t bother to stop and consider or change his approach. He sees what he wants, and he goes for it, and he’s lucky enough that that works out really, really well for him. And even when it’s a response to hardship, that’s still his approach. Just look at I Could Never Rescue You: so we could fight, or we could wait, or I could go. He decides there’s nothing else worth trying, calls someone else to help him leave, and goes.

Even when it’s not the best idea right now, when tempering what he has to say might help him get what he wants (If I Didn’t Believe In You) he doesn’t do it. Jamie charges, he’s stubborn, he’s set on what he wants -- he’s a pretty intense Lion, in other words.

Cathy tries to go after what she wants, too, but she ends up with several more obstacles in her way. While a lot of that is luck of the draw, she’s also a little more hesitant overall. Look at her running internal monologue throughout Climbing Uphill, second-guessing every decision (why’d I pick these shoes, why’d I pick this song, why’d I pick this career). In The Schmuel Song Jamie alludes to the same hesitance: maybe it’s just that you’re afraid to go out onto a limb(-o-vitch), maybe your heart’s completely swayed but your head can’t follow through.

She comes off as having that preparedness of a foundational Secondary -- I don’t see any hints of the breathless charge and certainty of a Lion, or the adaptability of a Snake. I honestly think either Bird or Badger would be suitable for her, and could easily be played into in either direction depending on small acting choices.

Absent of other interpretations, I’m going to lean Bird, off that line from Jamie above and some of the little nuances of Sherie’s performances. There’s a lot of frustration that this all isn’t coming more easily that, while it probably has a lot to do with how easily things have come to Jamie, also leans me away from Badger a little bit; but she’s clearly not unwilling to put in the work, and I could absolutely see that interpretation working just as well.

Primaries

Interestingly, Cathy is outright stated as having the traditional Snake-y trait: don’t you think that now’s a good time to be the ambitious freak you are? That’s not why I’m going to say that Cathy’s a Snake Primary, and Jamie’s clearly got ambitions too, but it does make me smile a little.

Loyalist Cathy’s earliest (timeline-wise) songs are so full of Snake wrap-myself-up-in-my-favorite-person sentiments and lines. Goodbye until tomorrow, goodbye until the rest of my life, and I have been waiting, I have been waiting for you. You don’t have to change a thing, just stay with me. I want you and you and nothing but you, miles and piles of you. I don’t mean to put on any pressure, but I know when a thing is right. Once Jamie’s in her life, that’s it, he’s a priority. It is heartbreaking to go back over this show and realize how much more of what Cathy says is directly about Jamie than the other way around.

Even later on, after we get the first tiny signs of tension, it’s still there. In The Next Ten Minutes: I don’t know why people run, I don’t know why things fall through, I don’t know how anybody survives in this life without someone like you. I could protect and preserve, I could say no and good bye -- but why, Jamie, why? In Summer in Ohio: I found my guiding light, I tell the stars each night, look at me, look at him -- son of a bitch, I guess I’m doing something right.

It’s not even the first time she’s done this. In I Can Do Better Than That, she talks about a previous relationship in the same terms: I gave up my life for the better part of a year. When Cathy gets serious about someone, she makes them her priority,

And that’s what she gets, until that’s all she has, and she lashes out with the exact same thing she wanted at the beginning: you and you, and nothing but you, miles and piles of you. And I don’t think it’s because she didn’t actually want it. It’s because she thought it would be less one-sided.

Because idealist Jamie does put her high in his priorities, but he doesn’t put her first in the same, fixated way. Jamie’s instinctual and set-on-his-decisions Lion Primary chafes against Cathy’s expectation that he’ll put her above what he wants, fed into by that charging, bold instinct from his Secondary.

Which is not to say that Cathy isn’t important to Jamie. But the downfall in their relationship is that what that looks like is so different between the two of them, and they never figure out how to meet middle ground. They’re both unreliable, biased narrators in this story, and neither of them see what the other needs.

A while back, I talked about how different Primaries love. Jamie and Cathy could be case studies in what I said there, and especially in how that love can go bad.

Lion Jamie sees that they both have big dreams, and encourages Cathy to push her way forward on her dreams: Shouldn’t I want the world to see the brilliant girl who inspired me?... Stop temping, and go and be happy! He uses the thing that is most important to him -- his writing -- to encourage her, show her that he sees her hesitance and he believes in her. And when they’re having problems, he puts the blame on how her dreams are going first: Is it just that you’re disappointed to be touring again for the summer? Did you think this would all be much easier than it’s turned out to be?

And that’s where we get, I think, one of the biggest highlights of how they misunderstand each other: If I’m cheering on your side, Cathy, why can’t you support mine? Cathy feels unsupported, Cathy feels like everything has become all about Jamie -- but Jamie feels the same way. The kind of support they need is different, and neither of them see it.

(Even at the height of their love story, the one moment they’re at the same page, The Next Ten Minutes, it says so much to me that Jamie keeps getting these lines about a bigger picture that he and Cathy are just part of: there are so many dreams I need to see with you -- not dreams about them, dreams they can see come true together. I will never change the world, until, I do.)

And Jamie withdraws, and takes her more and more for granted, and steamrolls over her both accidentally -- A Part of That, and Cathy’s fierce declaration of I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels to be trotting along at the genius’ heels getting disproven in front of her eyes -- and then purposefully, when he decides it’s time to stop trying.

Meanwhile, Snake Cathy sees that as the betrayal. She puts him first, makes him the priority, and when she doesn’t get that in return, she sees it as everything being about Jamie instead of the balance being equal. Fed into by her own ambitions going unfulfilled despite her own best efforts, she clings tighter, until he feels suffocated by it: all that I ask for is one little corner, one private room at the back of my heart, tell her I found one, she sends out battalions to claim it and blow it apart.

Until Jamie leaves, and Cathy is left bitter by it: Jamie is probably feeling just fine. Jamie decides it’s his right to decide. Run away, like it’s simple, like it’s right. Because to her steady, solid foundational Secondary and person-focused Snake, Jamie’s impulsive choice and quick action is cowardice at best, proof he doesn’t care as much at worst.

In summary:

Cathy Hiatt is a Snake Primary/foundational Secondary, either works with the text, but based on OCR, likely Bird.

Jamie Wellerstein is a Double Lion.

And Cathy’s person-first version of support VS Jamie’s dreams-first version of support, and their lack of understanding what each other is trying to provide and needs to recieve, is the entire crux of why their relationship fails, with some help from their uneven amounts of luck in their dream careers.

#sorting hat chats #Sortinghatchats #the last 5 years #the last five years #it is truly ridiculous how much of this is just me straight-up quoting lyrics with nothing else to add #which ALMOST makes me feel less ridiculous about it being almost 1500 words #if you read all that you get a cookie #i am SURE other people could read them totally differently #but that's theater for you!

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vivrcard · 3 years ago

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TAKE A BREAK TAKE A BREAK and if youre vibing with it i'd love to hear about 26 and/or 37

THANKS FOR THE ASK SAARNA listen.. i was doing so well with taking breaks but suddenly it’s all getting far more difficult……. also this replys a long one because of how my thought process typically works and how ive avoided thinking about economical stuff so tee hee this is going under a read more

Is the economy currency based or based on bartering physical goods? What is most valuable? What is least?

there wouldnt have been much time for doing more “meaningless” things like using time and effort to create monetary items (coins, paper money, etc) and people probably wouldnt have put much value on things like this because the goal was survival and that was that. gold isnt going to get you anything in terms of surviving. so that leaves trading and things of that nature. im on the fence about this because i think that, given aitarans views on physical/emotional bonds (they are important as HELL) it’s safe to say that these beliefs had roots in pre split aitaran, especially since aitarans pretty traditional to begin with. so! considering that, it’s also safe to believe that people were doing a fair amount of leaning on each other and so trading wouldnt have been as big of a deal! just giving stuff for free so that everyone can keep surviving. if anything, i imagine that larger scenarios where people give another party a LOT of stuff would end in there being some sort of trade. it could also be a scenario where it was on the condition of ok! i will give you X things of great value but im taking one of your kids (for help on the farm etc) OR seeing if we can get two of our kids to hook up (because mortality rate was incredibly high, lots of people were dying young what with the whole apocalyptic setting, people were really freaking out about whether or not humanity would survive as a whole).

obviously humanity keeps on going and does not die out because we wind up with wthi a solid ~1900 years later (barring timeline resets). i would imagine that over time, people resume trading materials instead of giving things for free. again, though, these are material trades and not monetary. the thing is though! now there are multiple gods because we’re post split! people have become very careful about making sure that all gods are worshipped almost equally (some people pick and choose which gods to worship but religion is a whole nother can of worms). what IM thinking is that different gods enjoy different offerings, so that would mean that some economies would be booming. lets use different minerals as an example. assuming that different gods enjoy different minerals (copper, bronze, silver, gold, hell, maybe something more fun like lapis), i think itd be reasonable to think that there are multiple industries involved with mining, polishing, and selling/trading these minerals so that they can be used as offerings for gods. in turn, these minerals could become a sort of currency, some being more valuable than others. theres probably some sort of conversion rate between all of the minerals depending on what is most commonly found in the mines. obv i have to think more about how many types of coins exist, but im thinking 3-5 at minimum. the other thing with this is! lets say that a business owner is one of the people that pick and choose what god they wanna worship. theyre not gonna care as much about certain currencies because they offer X currency to X god and thats it. so! you wind up with some businesses only accepting X type of coin and no others.

so! i guess in a way you could interpret these coins as indulgences when theyre offered to gods. people essentially just pay the gods to leave them the hell alone and not try to start another apocalypse lmaoooo. this DOES raise the question as to what medriva and vanaam (euvimanite society) do for money. vanaam, being incredibly closed off, probably sticks to trading objects and not money. medriva deals with an entirely different religion for the most part but began as part of aitaran, so they probably have retained some aspects of aitaranian money with some minor differences (ie no offering it to gods, maybe less forms of currency. this also all hinges on the availability of some minerals up north since trade between aitaran and medriva is very very difficult).

ok. whew. question 37. How do people navigate? Do they have maps, compasses, or something else? How are these things made?

i think for the most part people just use maps! probably ones made out of some kind of paper as opposed to tanned hides or something of that nature. some dark magic users have started on trying to create technology that allows you to locate places/things more easily, but dark magic tech is a long ways away from being fully usable because of how few people are capable of using it proficiently

#ask game #THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THIS.. my crops are flourishing my skin is healed now etc etc #finally....thoughts to roll around my silly little brain..............

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murasaki-murasame · 4 years ago

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Thoughts on Higurashi Sotsu Ep13

The true mystery of this show is trying to figure out how to even talk about each episode without just repeating myself or talking about other parts of the franchise, lmao.

Anyway, thoughts under the cut. Plus probably spoilers for both Umineko and Ciconia.

I’m not even sure where to begin talking about the fundamental issues this show has at this point, lol. It’s easy to just say that Sotsu on it’s own is bad, but I feel like it’s highlighting the fact that right from day one there were problems with the show’s structure and it’s intentions that have just become more and more of an issue as time’s gone on.

At the very least, I think that it was a huge mistake for them to have the gun cliffhanger happen midway through Gou, and to then spend so much time on backstory stuff and answer arcs. That just cast a negative shadow over all of those arcs because everyone was just impatient to get back to the cliffhanger. At this point I think they shouldn’t have even had Nekodamashi be in Gou to begin with. If they transitioned straight from Tataridamashi to Satokowashi then you could keep the general cliffhanger of revealing that Satoko’s the culprit without making people so impatient to go back to it and see what happens afterward.

But there’s also the issues like how Satokowashi revealed everything we needed to know about the howdunnit of the mystery, or how the whole gimmick of reusing the same scenarios as the VN in order to play both sides and make it technically accessible to new fans really wrote them into a corner and forced them to spend more time on the answer arcs than they needed to.

If we at least assume that the whole story ends in this arc, I think you easily could have condensed it all into one 2-cour season if they’d just committed to aiming this at old fans.

I guess there’s still a chance we’ll get some sort of continuation, but at this point I feel like the only way to get that much more content is if it ends up mostly retreading Satokowashi from a different perspective, which might actually drive me insane, lol.

In general it just feels like we’re already at the climax of the story one way or another, and there’s not many ways to keep it going for much longer without it seeming super forced. Like, Eua and Hanyuu are having their big confrontation with each other, and now Rika and Satoko are both on the same page, so they’re going to basically be stuck in a stalemate until one of them gives up. There isn’t really any mystery left to answer aside from giving more info about what’s going on between Eua and Hanyuu, so I’d rather they just cut to the chase and not drag this out.

We also know from TV listings that a different show is going to taking over Sotsu’s time slot next season, so unless it changes time slot for some reason, we’d probably have to wait until at least January to get a continuation, and I just dunno if that’d even be worth it.

I’ve already gone over my general ideas for how I think this will end, but I still think it’s entirely possible to wrap things up in just two more episodes. At the very least, if we get another full cour out of this then that’d probably just end up only having a few more episodes of actually new content, so my point still stands, lol.

I don’t think this episode did much to change my mind about where this is going, but it did at least clarify a couple of things. Like how Eua explicitly calls Hanyuu a ‘part of her’, which means that I’m probably right about my interpretation of them being two halves of the same being. There’s still a lot of different ways they could explain it, but at this point it’d basically still just boil down to the same idea of them being two parts of the same person.

It’s also more clear now that Rika more or less didn’t really know about Satoko being the culprit until the last minute, and was starting to get flashbacks to the end of Tataridamashi. I’m not entirely sure how to feel about that. It’s kinda hard to believe that Rika wasn’t at least suspecting Satoko by that point, but I do like the implication that Rika wasn’t fully dead when Satoko arrived, since that at least feels like pay-off for Satoko being so cocky and openly monologuing about how evil she is when she thinks Rika’s dead and can’t hear her.

I guess this episode also shows that there wasn’t anything particularly special going on with how Takano decided to confess to Rika in this one specific loop, which is also kinda underwhelming. Basically it seems like it just boils down to her feeling guilty about all of the stuff she remembers doing, but it’s still kinda weird that she didn’t confess to her in any previous loops. One of the weird issues with Gou/Sotsu’s storytelling is that Rika seemingly put no real effort into trying to investigate Takano even though she remembered her being the culprit, and I think that could have been really easily resolved if there was a scene like this in Onidamashi where Takano confesses her sins to Rika and leaves the village, since that would at least give a reason for her to not try and investigate them, and to assume that somebody else is behind these new loops. They could have even just had that happen off-screen and only be shown in Oniakashi if they didn’t want to spoil new fans. It just seems like a really easy change to make that would have made Rika’s passivity and hopelessness in this series way more understandable.

I think we’re also meant to assume that Satoko reacting to the box in this episode was just her faking it, since there’s no real indication that her conscience has returned or anything. But I’m not really sure why Satoko would go out of her way to fake that, when the trap box hadn’t even come up in that timeline. Maybe it would have made more sense if we saw her inner thoughts in that scene, but it kinda feels like they had to come up with some sort of scenario where Satoko would accidentally display knowledge that only a looper would know. Compared to how she’s been almost overpowered and hyper-competent in this series compared to Rika, it has a weird vibe of her being stupid because the plot demands it, lol. Either way it just seems kinda weird and contrived.

We also ended this episode on the gun cliffhanger again, which I saw coming, but it still kinda stings, lol. Hopefully the payoff is worth it. Realistically I think Satoko will just immediately shoot Rika, and we’ll cut to them having a proper confrontation in the meta world. With how they compared it to the ‘miracle’ scene with Takano in Matsuribayashi, it’s possible that they’ll somehow stop Satoko from shooting her, but I dunno. The stuff Hanyuu said about how this ‘isn’t the world that Rika fought for’ makes me think we’re probably not gonna stick with this loop for very long anyway, so I’d rather they just cut to the chase and get to the part where the two of them fight it out in the fragment world once and for all. Which at least seems to be what that one part of the OP is teasing at.

On that note, the only other mysterious part of the OP [and the key visual] left is the older club members in new outfits, which still feels like a bit of a loose thread, but it’s entirely possible that it doesn’t really mean much. For one thing, it could be as simple as it being related to an epilogue scene back in the Matsuribayashi timeline where they’re in different outfits to the ones we saw them wear last time we saw them. Either way I don’t really think the other club members are going to be super relevant to how this all ends, so one way or another whatever that stuff is related to could still just come up in the next two episodes.

Basically the question is just how exactly the big conflicts are gonna get resolved, and what note we’ll end things on. Which also ties into the larger question of whether or not this is genuinely meant to tie into Umineko [and maybe Ciconia] like they’re indicating, or if that’s some kind of elaborate troll.

I know i’m biased, but I think all the Umineko and Ciconia stuff is totally sincere, and Ryukishi really is using this as a way to start tying the wider WTC-verse together in a more concrete way, so that’s what I’m basing my theories off of.

With that in mind, I still think this will end with Rika and Satoko officially abandoning their humanity and becoming witches together, with the sword maybe being an in-universe plot device to depict that process. And with the reveal that Eua and Hanyuu are for all intents and purposes two parts of the same person, I feel like their side of things will probably end with them merging together in a way that creates Featherine, which would at least explain why Featherine’s personality is more mild than Eua’s, and also why Bernkastel is her miko, and why Featherine’s whole name is a giant pun about Hanyuu. It’d also fit with the whole religious motif that Hanyuu has going on if she basically ‘sacrifices’ herself to neutralize Eua. It’s at least the closest I think we’ll get to seeing Eua be ‘defeated’.

And on that note, I don’t really think this will end with anyone like Eua or Satoko being used as a villain who everyone else defeats so they can go back to their happy ending, since that’s the exact sort of thing that Ryuukishi regrets doing originally, and is why we’ve gotten so many redemption arcs for people in Gou/Sotsu. So I think at most we’ll see Eua get turned into Featherine so she’s less actively hostile towards everyone else, but I think this will ultimately end with Rika and Satoko reconciling and mending their relationship.

Over on the Matsuribayashi timeline side of things, I feel like this is gonna end up paralleling Nekodamashi a bit, and we’ll find out that Satoko ended up planning to kill herself in the Saiguden, but Rika and the club will show up at the last minute and she’ll choose not to. Then we’ll probably see her and Rika talk things out properly, and maybe Satoko will find out that Satoshi woke up from his coma or whatever, and that way they’ll all still get their happy ending, while also simultaneously we can still have Rika and Satoko split off their witch selves into separate entities that become the Bern and Lambda we know in Umineko.

It’s possible they’ll do something with the idea of Satoko losing her game and being sent to a world without Rika, but that also might just not happen at all. So who knows.

If they really lean into the idea of this directly setting up for Umineko, then it’d be neat if we also see Satoko and Rika meet Ikuko in the future of the Matsuribayashi timeline.

There’s also the Ciconia teases to think about, but they seem to be going in the direction of Ciconia taking place before all this even happened, so I think that’ll be kept kinda nebulous and unexplored until Ciconia itself finishes. Ryukishi might announce a release date for phase 2 after Sotsu ends, but I think it’s way too early for anything like an anime adaptation of it. I’d rather they wait until at least after it’s finished before they do something like that.

On the other hand, Umineko’s been over for like ten years, so it’d be much easier to do something like a remake for it after this. I have a lot of thoughts about how that might go if they do that, but I’m gonna wait until Sotsu ends and then make a separate post about it.

Anyway I guess now I just have to wait and see what happens next week, lol.

#murasaki rambles #higurashi #higurashi sotsu

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jiminieloved · 5 years ago

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Pt. 1 There are two schools of thought regarding when Jikook started dating. First and primary theory is INU era/2016. Most jikookers believe they became official following JK's coming of age. Second theory is 2017/ GCFt. Some believe that jikook became official in 2017 but could have/probably were engaged in not so platonic relations prior. I write this bc I find myself torn and want to have a discussion about it. There are things that lead me to believe both but both can't be equally true

pt. 2 In 2016 there is definitely a shift in how jikook interact. The sexual tension is palpable and we get many moments that IMO confirm at the very least intimacy: osaka vlive, graduation song JK sings to Jm, stares and etc. However, nothing signals couple more than their post GCFt aura. Even the members began policing their interactions. So, I am more inclined to believe theory 2 BUT I have a problem with thinking Jk and JM would be okay just fooling around with no strings attached..

Pt 3. Neither JM or JK seem like the type who would be okay with that sort of arrangement. I could be wrong, and that could explain some of the insecurity I see from JK prior to 2017. If there is intimacy with no label then one could understandably feel uncertain especially if internally they've defined the relationship. But, I do struggle with accepting the possibility that either would be okay with an undefined relationship but that could just be me projecting. So I am pulled to theory 1.

Pt 4. To sum it up, based on what I see and how I interpret it I am more drawn to theory 2, they started dating on 2017 but were intimate prior. The intimate "prior" part is one of the things that puts me on the fence. Based off Jikook's words and actions it's hard for me to see them engaging in undefined intimacy. However, that post GCFt aura which screams new couple + evidence of sexual intimacy in 2016 really makes me pause. I have more reasons for me being torn but your Thoughts?

I’m kind of hesitant to touch this one but since you took all the effort I will give you my thoughts. I’ll be answering in terms of a relationship shift, because we don’t know if they are in a defined relationship so I can’t speak to that. We do know that their relationship at some point took a turn from bickering and brotherly to tender and caring. And I have made some observations on this relationship shift in the process of making my timeline. Let me speak on some milestones we’ve observed, and how they might fit into the picture of their relationship.

In March of 2015, Jungkook made a song recommendation which caused some heads to turn, especially from LGBT fans. Over the past few days he had recommended some extremely depressing songs, but this song was both depressing, and about an unrequited love for another man. It’s called “Memo” by Years & Years.

youtube

To me, this marks that something in Jungkook was shifting, in his mentality, in his personal attitudes, and in his newfound love for LGBT+ artists and music (which would become more and more apparent in the future). It doesn’t necessarily mean that something happened between him and Jimin but I think it’s an important milestone, especially for our perception of who he was as a person. He didn’t let us in on too much in those days.

As per Jimin’s mentality, I actually think that it’s hard to see as much as a shift because he’d been pretty loud about admiring Jungkook since the beginning. However, I think a good example of timing for the other members catching on to the depth of his admiration is in this MV reaction video.

youtube

Jimin keeps mentioning how good Jungkook looks, and eventually Hobi, apparently fed up, just says “think about that by yourself”. It is just an interesting thing to say. Not as huge of a moment but just a little detail that has always stood out to me.

Around this time, Jikook started showing up at the airports in matching, but generic looking outfits. It could be nothing, but it was interesting to me that around the same time of these ‘milestone’ shifts in mentality, they also started wearing matching outfits.

The next big milestone for me, which I’ve already made a post about, happened in August of 2015. I remember the timing because it’s marked by Jimin fainting on stage at a fansign, though this probably (maybe) has nothing to do with the actual shift itself. Though... maybe it does, because the very next concert, 2 days later, Jungkook flirted with Jimin on stage, and Jimin couldn’t hold back his smile in response.

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Then, just a few days later, Jungkook gave another song recommendation, and Jimin tweeted a reference to the lyrics of the song with a blush emoji and a music note emoji in response??????????

The lyrics Jimin referenced?

"I will pick off the stars and into your two hands, I will give them fully to you”

Receipts

After this, a string of very interesting concert moments happened between the pair. I can’t help but to think something drastic changed.

That being said, I do think there were more things that had to happen between the pair to arrive at the state they’re at now.

That being said, just a month or so later Jungkook discovered and tweeted about Troye Sivan, and from there it was all downhill. lol

I can’t speak yet for what the following turning points were, but I think this is the most important turning point that happened in their relationship, maybe prior to 2017 and GCF Tokyo, because it was the gateway for all of the intimate behavior to start occurring in front of the camera.

I think that behind the scenes things really changed in 2015, and it was a process of them coming to terms with whatever they are, and then becoming more and more comfortable showing that truth to the camera and the public. This was a several year long journey, and they are still on it even now. Things have surely changed behind the scenes between August 2015 and 2020, but I stand by my belief that whatever happened in 2015 allowed those other changes to slowly occur.

I know this doesn’t directly answer your question, but I can’t tell you “Jikook started dating HERE because we don’t even know if they are dating.

I am guessing you are hesitant about the possibility of an undefined relationship between the duo, maybe because of a cultural taboo or just a personal moral belief, but you have to understand that we really can’t just assume that they’re dating and state that as fact, and there’s also a lot more variables in their lives than there are in an every day relationship. I’m not saying they’re not dating, but it also wouldn’t shock me if they were undefined, or still are now.

I absolutely can see them engaging in ‘undefined intimacy’ if I’m being honest with you. Jimin is a hopeless romantic, sure, but they were also mid-20s boys, and let’s be real, Jimin had been yearning for a loooong time.

And I’ll tell you from personal experience as a gay person, undefined experimentation is pretty much a GIVEN for us when we’re figuring out our sexualities. Straight people don’t have to really think twice about ‘is what i’m feeling real? is it just a mistake? is it a phase? am i just fooling myself? will it stop being real when it becomes sexual?’ and 100 other questions. If you really do think they are dating, I can pretty much guarantee you they would’ve experimented with each other prior to putting any sort of label on it. With a few exceptions I’m sure, this is just simply how a lot of LGBT+ people figure themselves out, and I urge you to not view that as a negative thing.

Anyway I’m not sure I said everything I want to but I’m running out of steam, lol. Hope this somewhat helped :)

#jikook discourse #anon #ask

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crystalninjaphoenix · 4 years ago

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Visits & Visions

A JSE Fanfic

This story is about a page shorter than my usual stuff, but it’s still a lot of pages. There’s a lot of setup with not as much action this time around. Chase visits more people. We check on Schneep again, finally returning to his POV. And then Anti acts like an evil asshole, because he is an evil asshole. Yeah, not much to say about this one. Hope you guys like it regardless :>

You can find the other stories under the pw timeline tag!

Chase opened the curtains on the bedroom, letting in a wash of sunlight. The bright light was quickly absorbed by the dark blue paint on the walls, but still lit up the desk and swivel chair, dresser and closet, shelves with books and knickknacks, and the bed with the nightstand next to it. Marvin, lying in bed, pulled the blanket up over his head and groaned.

“Sit up and absorb the Vitamin D, bro,” Chase said, sitting down in the swivel chair. Marvin’s cat Ragamuffin was lying on the desk nearby. On top of Marvin’s laptop, to be exact. He peeked open his eyes when Chase sat down, then dismissed him and closed them again.

“No,” Marvin said stubbornly. “I’ll eat a lemon or something instead.”

“Well, first of all, that would be really sour so, uh, maybe not,” Chase pointed out. “And second of all, that’s Vitamin C.”

Marvin groaned again, this time clearly putting on an act. He pushed away the blankets and sat up, running fingers through his messy hair in an effort to semi-comb it. “I look like shit,” he muttered.

“Didn’t you have a hairbrush in here somewhere?” Chase asked, looking around. “Oh, there.” He stood up and walked over to the dresser to grab the brush, which he then handed to Marvin.

“Thanks,” Marvin said, accepting the brush and running it through his hair. He managed to untangle some of the worst of it when he stopped and put the brush on his nightstand. His eyes were cloudy, staring out the window with a vague, far-off gaze. Then he lowered his head into his hands. “Fuck this,” he said, a sob catching onto the end of his voice.

“Oh geez.” There was a tissue box on the dresser as well. Chase picked it up, pulled out a tissue, and handed it to Marvin.

Marvin accepted the tissue, mumbling another “thanks” and pressing it to his eyes. He...well, he’d looked better. Chase was pretty sure he’d been in bed for at least a whole day. Which, Chase had to admit, he could relate to. Sometimes it was tough. And having your friend kidnapped wasn’t easy, for obvious reasons. Jameson had been missing for about three weeks now, and Marvin was having trouble with that. True, he hadn’t reacted this strongly when Jackie disappeared, but even then, he’d had to take a week to himself. And Chase knew that Marvin was pretty close with JJ. He hadn’t been crying about it as much lately, but it would still happen, seemingly triggered by him just...thinking about the situation.

“You need to drink some water, bro,” Chase said. “Losing all this, uh...moisture isn’t good.”

“Moisture?” That momentarily distracted Marvin as he raised an eyebrow in surprise.

“Well, I wasn’t going to say ‘fluids.’ You probably would’ve called that out, too.”

“Ah, fair, I guess.” Marvin crumpled up the used tissue and dropped it into the trash bin he’d recently moved near the bed. “Anyway. What’s up with you? What’ve you been doing?”

“Hey, I’m serious about that water thing. You want me to go get a glass from the kitchen?”

“I...yeah, sure. I have a hydro flask in one of the cupboards, use that, not a glass. I don’t want to knock anything over.”

“Great. Be right back.” Chase stood up and hurried to the kitchen. He quickly found the water bottle in one of the cabinets, filling it up with tap water and a few ice cubes before heading back to the bedroom. When he returned, Marvin was lying down again, slowly petting Ragamuffin, who was sitting on the pillow nearby with his head on Marvin’s neck. Chase raised an eyebrow. “That can’t be comfortable.”

“Shhhh. You don’t know the fluffiness,” Marvin said.

“Yeah, I do. I’ve pet him many many times before.” Chase handed Marvin the water bottle. “Good thing I used the lid with the spout thing. Here. Drink that.”

“Mmm.” Marvin started sipping through the attached straw while Chase retook his usual position. After a while, he said, “Soooo...can I ask you what you’ve been doing now?”

“Well I mean...a lot,” Chase said. “I’ve been visiting Schneep and Jack. Both of them are looking a lot better. You should really come with one time, they’d both love to see you, probably Jack especially. Though I mean, talking might be a bit awkward at first. You ever heard of a communication board?”

“Of course. Is Jack using one of those?”

“Yeah, exactly. Cause his, uh, talking and moving isn’t up to par yet.” Chase rubbed the back of his head. “Also, uh...I’m trying to find out more about...Anti.”

“Wh...” Marvin stared at him. He set the water bottle down on the nightstand next to him. “Why?”

“I don’t know, man, I’m ju—I’m tired of not doing anything,” Chase said. “I thought, hey, maybe if I can find something out, I can...I dunno, really. Just help a bit.” He sighed. “I mean, it’s not exactly easy.”

“Oh I can imagine,” Marvin mumbled, reaching up to scratch Ragamuffin’s ears.

“Yeah, he’s a criminal, you know? And a good one. We didn’t even know he existed until Dr. Laurens escaped and confirmed that he did.” Chase made a frustrated noise. “So I mean, looking up news sources is hard. I’ve been trying to find mysterious deaths in the area, going back a few years, but that’s still a lot. And like, he’s gotta have a base somewhere, right? Where he’s keepin—where he has supplies and shit. But how do you find that? God, how did Jackie do this? Seriously, how do you be a detective?”

“Well Jackie, like, went to school for this,” Marvin reasoned. “He knew—knows tricks. What do you mean by news sources? Like, online?”

“Yeah. Why, do you think I should go to the library? Check out old newspapers?”

“I mean...if you’re looking online, maybe he has a website.”

Chase stared at Marvin for a solid thirty seconds. “I’m sorry. A website? A website...for a guy who kills people?”

“They exist,” Marvin said casually. “You remember how I got almost killed back in March?”

“How could I forget that?” The whole story was still pretty unbelievable to him. Marvin had been working for a seemingly normal clothing shop, but because of suspicious activity, decided to look into it. And he’d soon found out that the shop was a front for some sort of smuggling operation, with firearms involved. Not long after that, he’d been attacked on his way home from work, and very nearly died. It hadn’t taken too much thought to realize the shady people behind the operation were behind the attack. “That’s the whole reason you left suddenly.”

“Yeah.” Marvin nodded a bit. “Well, I got curious. I was like, how exactly do you hire someone to kill someone else? So I took my old laptop that I left at my grandma’s house, because like, whatever, it probably should’ve been e-recycled a while ago, or whatever they do. So it didn’t matter what I searched up there, cause I was gonna get rid of it after. And I searched up stuff. And long story short, there is...totally an online market for stuff like that.”

“I...you’re serious?” Chase asked, gaping at him.

“I wouldn’t mess with you about this.”

“It just...seems unbelievable. If there were websites like this, couldn’t the police find them?”

“Sometimes they do.” Marvin’s eyes darkened. “But...there’s a whole...section of the Internet that...isn’t...good. It’s like...for that exact stuff. And if Anti was hired to kill me, he has to have some way for people to...to contact him for stuff like that. A website would be good for that.”

“Oh,” Chase said softly, looking away as he contemplated this new information. It made sense, really. It was more that he didn’t want to believe there was something like that out there. But he had to. So he took a deep breath. “You, uh...know how I’d go about finding something like that?”

Marvin nodded slowly. He gently pushed Ragamuffin away, who didn’t seem to mind and just rolled over, and then sat up. “Hand me that spiral book and one of the pencils from the desk,” he said, pointing. Chase did so, and he started writing down a few things. It took a while, since he would occasionally stop, think about something, and erase and rewrite, but eventually he tore the page out and showed it to Chase. “Here. These are some of the websites I remember, mostly because of the, uh...memorable URLs. Don’t—don’t use a computer you want to keep or have a bunch of information on.”

Chase took the page, scanning the URLs Marvin had written down. There were five of them, and...yeah, he could see why these stuck with him. “Are you gonna do some searching, too? It’d probably go faster with two of us.”

“No.” Marvin immediately shook his head. “I only have my laptop right now, and I really don’t want to compromise that with viruses or anything. That model was expensive, and it’s so much trouble to replace.”

“Oh. Yeah, good point.” Chase hesitated. “Do you...I mean, if you wanted to help me look for Anti, that would be...good. Too. In whatever way.”

Marvin hesitated. Chase could see the battle going on mentally, his usual fiery nature contrasting with the lack of energy he’d clearly been having lately. “I mean...I guess I’ll help you if you need anything,” he finally said after a while.

“That’d be great, bro. I can talk about it when I come over,” Chase said. God, he’d been doing so much visiting lately. Going everywhere, all over the place. It was...tiring. And that wasn’t even including the weekends when he had the kids over at his house. Another reason he hadn’t been able to find much on Anti was because he just didn’t have the time to do any thorough searching. But this website thing seemed easy. He could do it when he got home. “Anyway, keep drinking water. You, like, really need it. And you don’t really get it until you don’t have it.”

“Speaking from personal experience?” Marvin asked, raising an eyebrow.

Chase laughed. “Ah, you caught me. But seriously.”

“Alright, Chase, I understand.” Marvin picked up the water bottle again and started to sip.

——————

As it turned out, searching for illegal websites was not easy.

Chase had an old computer that he’d been keeping in his closet for ages, ever since he got a new, better one for playing and recording games. He dragged it out, booted it up, and set it through a factory restart, since Marvin had advised against having much personal information. From there, it was a bit of...a shot in the dark, really.

The search took a while. Chase was sure that looking at these websites was putting him on some sort of watchlist somewhere, and he couldn’t help but glance around the room every few minutes. Wasn’t there a video game like this, once? Jack had played it on his YouTube channel. Some game where you searched the messed-up dark side of the Internet. Yeah, that was the one where Jackie showed up in the second episode to help him with the puzzles and stuff. But that was just a game. This was real, and he was paranoid that someone would pop up in the window, staring at him.

By the time he found what he was looking for, it was well into the night, and Chase was positive that his browser had logged this worrying activity and possibly sent it to some agencies somewhere. But the search was a success. He’d clicked on a link reading ‘Antiseptic: For Taking Care of Infections.’ Harmless-sounding, if it hadn’t been on a website that listed several other websites, all somehow involving hiring someone to do shady shit for you.

The website from the link was, admittedly, pretty professional-looking. It could have been for a proper business. But it wasn’t. This was a website where you hired a hitman. And that hitman was Anti. Chase unconsciously leaned back from the screen as he clicked around the webpages. Something about rules, something about rates, something about reviews from customers (all anonymous, of course.) And an About page. Chase hesitated, then clicked on that.

The page that popped up had a bright red banner plastered across the top, reading: ‘IMPORTANT: I am not taking any new jobs for the time being. How long, you ask? Until further notice. Why, you ask? Something needs to be taken care of. Wait for your killing. Or go hire someone else.’ Blunt and to the point, while still being vague. Chase didn’t like the sound of ‘something needs to be taken care of.’ He had the strong suspicion that ‘something’ involved Jameson, and possibly Jackie.

He should tell the police about this website, right? It could be an important lead, not only in finding Jameson and Jackie, but in catching Anti altogether. Chase thought about it, and decided he would. But just in case, he’d keep the computer around and remember this URL. So he could search through this website on his own time.

It was late. He really should go to bed. Well, he might be too anxious to, after spending so much time looking at stuff like this, but he should try. But before he shut down the computer, he decided to check out the reviews section. What sort of reviews would a mercenary have?

He glanced at a couple of them, not wanting too many details, but suddenly stopped. The lowest rated review on the front page—god, killings had ratings, that was messed up—read: ‘Left a complimentary review in March when I thought he efficiently killed the target. But now, turns out the bitch is alive, and this bastard made me pay just for the CHANCE of going after him again. And he hasn’t even done it yet! Hurry up, you’—Chase winced at the word used—‘that Irish fucker could tell anyone by now!’

It was probably just a coincidence, but...the attack on Marvin’s life had happened back in March. And Marvin was Irish. And it had happened because some criminals thought he would tell...no, it was probably just a coincidence. It was a big world, after all.

Chase quickly wrote down the website’s URL and, just in case, the path he went through to get to it. He then closed the browser and shut down the computer. This was intriguing, but he’d have to look it over more later. He had to go tell the police about this the next day. It would have to be early in the morning. He had plans. More visiting to do.

——————

By now, Chase was pretty familiar with the visiting room at Silver Hills, as well as the visiting procedure. Enter, sign in who you were and who you were there to see, go wait in the visiting room, and after a while, the patient you were there to see would show up, along with a doctor in tow. Or, well, maybe the doctor was just for a few patients, to keep an eye on the ones who were somehow risky. Either way, the procedure hadn’t changed at all. He breezed right past it today, as always, and didn’t even have time to sit down before the other door in the room opened.

“Chase, my friend!” Schneep gave Chase a quick hug. “It is good to see you again so soon.”

“So soon? It’s been a week, like always.” Chase patted Schneep on the back before pulling away. “But it’s always nice to see you. You look good.”

“Ah, thank you.” Schneep smiled, a bit nervously, twisting his medical bracelet around his wrist.

“I’m serious, Doc.” And it was true; Schneep looked better than he had in a while. His skin had more color, and he’d gained a bit of weight. He was still pretty pale and thin, but it was a welcome, and noticeable, improvement. “Like, your hands aren’t shaking anymore.”

“Hmm?” Schneep looked down at his own hands, holding them still for a moment. “Oh yes. I hadn’t even noticed.”

“Well that’s good,” Chase said encouragingly. “I mean, it’s gotta mean that they’ve figured out, like, medication and stuff.”

“Yes, I think so,” Schneep said, glancing over to the corner of the room where Laurens was sitting, working on something on a clipboard. “Things have stopped changing.”

“Great.” Chase sat down on one of the couches, patting the cushion next to him so Schneep would sit down, which he did. “Anyway, you said last week they’d be moving you back to your first room. Have they done that yet?”

Schneep’s expression brightened. “Yes, they have! Chase, it is so much improved. Even just looking through the window at the ground—well, the window does not open, which I understand, but even just that is so much better. I do wish they would let me wear my own clothes again, but I think that is happening soon.”

“Well it should.” Chase folded his arms, eyeing the plain white shirt and pants Schneep was wearing. “I don’t even understand. Is it that much of a risk?”

“Ah...” Schneep reached up to rub his neck. “Well, not for everyone. You say you do not understand, but I do.”

“If you’re okay with it, then,” Chase said slowly. “Oh, by the way, I brought you something.” He shrugged his backpack off his shoulders, pulling it around to hold in his lap while Schneep watched quizzically. “Stacy and the kids were baking, and they decided to drop some off, and I-I thought, well, I don’t know if there are like sweets in the hospital cafeteria or something, so...” After a bit of rummaging, he pulled out a plastic ziploc bag with a pair of chocolate chip cookies inside. “Here.”

“Oh really?!” Schneep gasped, immediately taking the bag.

“Yeah, really.”

“Thank you!” He wasted no time in opening the bag and taking out one of the cookies, biting into it.

Chase laughed. “I was right, huh? No sweets in the cafeteria?”

Schneep swallowed so he wouldn’t answer with his mouth full. “Well, there are sometimes. I think there is a schedule, maybe for every other day, I do not know. I only started going into the cafeteria...well, I did at the start, but then there was an incident, and—anyway, the point is, I have not been...attending, is that the word? For long enough to learn a schedule. I have only been allowed in the cafeteria and the, ah, rec room recently.”

“Really?” Chase kept a positive note in his voice. “That’s good, right? People say you need a change of environment.”

“Yes.” Again, Schneep glanced over at Laurens. “I hear it is advised. Which is one of the reasons why that—that other doctor was not good at her job.”

“Boy, you are so salty,” Chase said. “But you know what? Go ahead. She was an asshole.”

Schneep laughed.

Chase smiled. “Go ahead and be saltier than those, uh, fucking salt flats in America, or whatever.”

“S-salt flats?” Schneep was laughing so hard that it devolved into coughing. He had to take deep breaths to calm down.

“Yeah, they like, test the speeds of cars out in this spot in the middle of nowhere because it’s so flat. And it’s, like, made of salt, I think.”

“Is that a fact?” Schneep asked, amused.

Chase pulled out his phone. “Well I’m about to check if it is.”

The rest of the visit flew by. They talked about nothing, which was a welcome change of pace. Briefly, Chase considered telling Schneep about Jameson’s disappearance, as he had for the past two visits. But, just like those previous times, he decided against it. It would probably just upset him. And he didn’t even really know who Jameson was, apart from that one time he freaked out after seeing him. And that encounter certainly didn’t leave a good impression. So they talked about little things. Music, and movies, and what was happening with Chase’s kids. Small talk, yes, but it was the only chance they got to have this small talk each week.

Eventually, the time was up. Chase said goodbye and good luck, which Schneep returned, and left, heading back towards the front desk so he could check out.

Shortly after signing out on the visitor’s sheet, he heard footsteps. Chase looked up to see Dr. Laurens had followed him out. “Hey,” she said.

“Hey.” Chase nodded in greeting. “Uh...everything okay?”

“Yes. Why, are you expecting it to not be?”

“I dunno, it’s just that usually when a doctor talks to you after you finished visiting someone, it’s usually with some sort of news.”

Laurens laughed. “No, it’s all fine. Schneep is doing really well, you know, making a lot of progress. Obviously, it really helps that, ah...the head doctor is no longer holding me so tightly to regulations.” She said it delicately. “So he can actually get the help he needs.”

“Yeah, a doctor with a revenge plot isn’t exactly helpful,” Chase commented. “He wasn’t even the right person for that plot in the first place,” he added, muttering.

“Well I-I guess if you want to be blunt about it,” Laurens said. Clearly, that had never been her style. “Anyway, yes, everything’s going great. I just wanted to ask, I was going through his files recently and I noticed you were down as an emergency contact. Are you still okay with that?”

“Yeah, sure. He doesn’t really have any family who’d respond,” Chase said. “Am I the only one?”

“No, your friend Marvin is there, too,” Laurens said. “We, um, tried to contact his wife—or, uh, separated wife—Mina. She hasn’t responded, so I just thought I’d confirm.”

“Really? Did you, like, call her or mail her or something?” Chase asked, intrigued. Mina had sort of been a distant figure for a while. And even before she and Schneep separated, he hadn’t been too familiar with her. A bit odd, really.

“Yes, Schneep gave us her number and mailing address,” Laurens confirmed. “I guess he could have misremembered it, or she could have changed those. But the point is, no response. So you and Marvin are the only contacts.”

“Got it.”

“Great.” Laurens paused. “Um...do you need anything? I-I understand your other friend woke up, Jack. You’ve got to be pretty busy.”

“Yeah, really.” She didn’t know the half of it. It was...actually really tiring. But he refused to let this stop him anymore. But...Chase considered something, then leaned closer, and quietly said, “Hey, uh, you’re a therapist. Do you know any, like...other therapists? Not here, like, more casual places. That you go visit.”

“Oh yeah! Hang on a second.” Laurens flipped through the pages of her clipboard, unclipping a blank sheet at the back. She took her pen out from behind her ear and wrote something down. “Here. This is the agency I worked for before here. Well...I mean I worked here before. But then I quit and worked there, and came back here—you get the picture.” She laughed awkwardly. “Anyway, there’s a website I’ve written down there. They have listings for different therapists, sorted by specialties and methods, and including, uh, short biographies so you can get to know them a bit before you actually make a booking. So you can know what you’re looking for.”

“Thanks.” Chase took the piece of paper and looked it over. “That was...more information than I thought, really.”

“Well I wasn’t about to just recommend someone,” Laurens said. “That’s for you—or, uh, anyone who’s therapist-shopping.”

That got a laugh out of Chase. “Alright. Anyway, thanks again.” He folded up the paper and put it in his pocket. “I’ll see you next week.”

“See you,” Laurens waved as Chase left.

Yes, next week. Assuming nothing went wrong and she had to contact him beforehand. But it probably wouldn’t.

——————

The recreation room of Silver Hills was a large, wide room on the second floor. Schneep hadn’t been in there much. Of course, for a long time Dr. Newson hadn’t allowed it, on the basis of it being dangerous. But even when he first checked in, he didn’t go down to this room that often. Maybe once, to see what it looked like. He hadn’t exactly been in the right mental space for recreation at the time. Too...well, he supposed ‘paranoid’ might be the right word. He didn’t want to get too attached to the space in case this whole thing turned out to be a trick.

But now, he thought he should give it a try. Maybe it would be helpful, to have more to do. He might be able to take his mind off things.

The room had a wall with windows overlooking the front of the hospital, and two doors on the walls to either side. Because of safety concerns, the entertainment was a bit limited. For example, some rec rooms might have a pool table. Not here. Some might have cabinets with board games. Not here. But there was still several playing card games, some pinball machines, and a TV with access to television channels and able to stream movies. There were three tables, each with a cluster of chairs, a couple sofas and armchairs near the TV, and paintings on the wall as decoration.

There were several people already in the room when Schneep peeked in. Mostly patients, with a few orderlies sitting around, identifiable by their uniforms. A group was sitting at one of the tables playing a card game, a couple were at a different table talking to each other and drawing with crayons—maybe a bit childish, but Laurens had stated that colored pencils weren’t allowed—and a few more were sitting around the TV, watching. A few of them had paused whatever they were doing to look over towards the door when it opened, and Schneep immediately froze.

“You okay?” Oliver, the usual orderly, was accompanying him to the room. They still hadn’t lightened up the rule about him being able to walk around on his own, though Laurens had said she was working on it. “Do you want to go back?”

“Nein, no no, I am fine,” Schneep muttered, stepping further into the room and looking around. He couldn’t help but notice he was the only one wearing the standard-issue white shirt and pants. Was that why some of them were staring at him? Or did they just like staring at people?

“Alright, just tell me if there’s anything wrong,” Oliver said, walking in behind him and keeping to the edges of the room, as he usually did.

Schneep nodded vaguely, glancing around to give everyone in the room a second look. Unfamiliar, all of them. There was one, part of the group playing cards, who was really staring at him, but everyone else had turned away, so that was probably her problem more than anything. Folding his arms—well, it wasn’t technically folding his arms, he just sort of grabbed each elbow with a hand—Schneep walked over to the seats by the TV and sat down in the nearest empty armchair. This was fine. That one other patient had stopped staring by now and looked back at the card game, which meant that nobody was looking at him. And that was good. Well, Oliver was there, keeping an eye on things. But nobody was watching him. Really. Nobody was. He didn’t see anyone looking. Everything was fine.

Okay, time to see if he could distract himself. What was on the TV? Schneep took a deep breath as he checked it out. It was definitely a movie of some kind, live-action, but not one that was familiar to him. It had that appearance of an older movie, something in the grain of the film or the delivery of the lines giving away that it was at least a couple decades old. Huh. That was...interesting.

“Hey.”

Schneep jumped, looking to the side. A man was looking at him. Sitting on one of the sofas, near the end closest to his own chair. “Ja? Um, yes?”

“Are you new here?” The man didn’t look too intimidating. Sandy blonde hair and freckles, wearing a blue t-shirt. He had a medical bracelet on his wrist, too.

“No, not at all,” Schneep said. “Why?”

“I just didn’t recognize you. I’ve been here a couple months, I think I recognize the usual crowd in the room. How long’ve you been?”

“Um...” Schneep paused for a second to do the math. It was now November, so that was...“A half a year.”

“Oh.” The man’s eyebrows shot upward.

“Yes, I, um, have not been in this room much. I was not—things were not...not good,” Schneep said awkwardly.

“Ohhhh.” The man nodded in understanding. “I see. I’m Finn, by the way.”

“Henrik.”

“Henrik? Are you—I mean, I don’t want to assume, but your accent, uh, are you German?”

“Yes.”

“Cool. Nice to meet you.”

“Thank you. The same.” This was starting to feel a bit awkward. Or maybe it was just him, Finn seemed perfectly comfortable. Schneep turned away, looking back at the TV. “What...is this?”

“The movie? Uh...I don’t know.” Finn shrugged. “I came in when it was already playing. I think Kellie chose it. But it’s, like, something about cars? And this family where the dad’s an inventor? I don’t know. It’s a musical.”

“Hm.” Schneep glanced around the room again. Was there anything else to do? The card game group was starting something new, one of them shuffling the deck. No, no. He didn’t want to interrupt. Maybe he could ask for some drawing supplies from the two who were coloring. Laurens did a drawing exercise with him once, and it had actually been kind of fun. Oh, wait, was there someone new here? There was something moving in the corner of his vision. It could just be in his head, but he turned to look anyway—

The moment he caught full sight of the movement, he cried out, jumping backwards and awkwardly falling out of the chair. He landed on his back, legs still up in the air, but quickly scrambled to his feet, looking back towards what he’d seen.

No. Nobody was there. But it was near one of the room’s doors, what if he left? What if he was—everyone was staring at him. They all were, they all had to be.

“Are you alright?” Finn asked, a concerned expression on his face.

“I-I-I—” Schneep backed up, once again assuming the folded arms position from before. “Don’t—look at me.”

“Oh, uh, sorry.” Finn looked away.

Schneep shuddered a bit, eyes fixed on the point where he saw—he couldn’t really have been there, it must have been in his head. It’s happened before. He’s seen him before...in his head. It. It was the same now. Had to be. Just. Just in his head. Not real.

But he couldn’t fully convince himself. Slowly, he backed up until he hit the nearest wall. Oliver, who’d been sitting nearby, stood up and walked over. “Do you need anything?” he asked quietly.

“I-I—am—will go back to safe—to my room,” Schneep stammered.

“Alright, let’s go then.” Oliver gestured to the door. Not the one that was close to...what he’d seen. Schneep nodded vaguely, and walked over to the door and out, with the orderly trailing behind him. Once they were out of the room, Oliver asked, “Anything else?”

Schneep took a deep breath in, then out. In, then out. It was a relaxation technique, and concentrating on that helped. Gave his brain something to do. “I...the hospital is—is very secure, yes? You cannot break in?”

“It’d be very difficult,” Oliver agreed. “You’d need a key card. And we do have security cameras. Someone would notice.”

“Good. Very good.” In. Out. In. Out. Laurens had reassured him many times before. Anti couldn’t get in here. So what he saw...it must have been...not real.

I’m real as ever, Henrik.

Schneep almost responded, but then firmly shut his mouth. It didn’t help to acknowledge the voices. It didn’t help to acknowledge any of them, even if he wanted to. Everything was going to be okay. This was a safe place. He didn’t have to worry about anything.

He kept reminding himself of these facts even hours after the incident. Anti couldn’t get in here. It wasn’t possible. This was a safe place. Everything was going to be okay.

——————

Well that was a failed test run.

Anti flipped the keycard between his fingers, watching it twirl through the air as he leaned back in his desk chair. He hadn’t been expecting to be spotted. They didn’t know what he looked like, and he had a small disguise, just in case. He thought that hiding his scars and darkening his hair would be enough to prevent him from being noticed. But apparently, he’d left quite an impression on the good doctor.

No one would believe him, of course. Judging by that psychiatrist’s notes, the one in the turquoise notebook, spotting Anti was a common hallucination of Schneep’s. No one would know that it was real, this time. But still. It was the principle.

Sitting up straight, Anti swiveled in his chair to face a computer monitor. The screen was divided into four sections, each showing a different angle of a single room with pale yellow walls and a pair of bunk beds. Maybe four cameras was overkill, but better safe than sorry. It looked like the two people in the room were having a conversation. He turned on the audio so he could listen in.

“—never had any siblings,” Jackie was saying, slowly swaying from side to side where he was sitting in one of the chairs. “Mom wasn’t very, uh—I-I was a miracle baby. Though sometimes I joke that I had a sister, but really it was me before I transitioned.”

So I’m the only one in the group, JJ signed. He was sitting in the other chair at the table, across from Jackie. Each of them had a plate in front of them with a sandwich and a bottle of juice.

“Yeah. Unless you count Chase’s sister-in-law, but eh. None of us do.” Jackie shrugged.

JJ laughed a bit, which soon faded. I should have asked about your family sooner, Jackie. Even before...all of this happened. I’m sorry.

“No, it’s fine,” Jackie reassured him. “I mean, family was probably a thing for you, right? Considering...this whole situation.”

Jameson nodded, looking a bit paler.

Watching the conversation, Anti frowned. That was hardly fair.

Anyway, I’d much rather talk about other people’s families, for obvious reasons, JJ continued. Like...for example, your friend Henrik. He doesn’t have any siblings either?

“No. And, uh, before you can ask about his parents...they’re assholes.” Jackie’s voice turned bitter. “They don’t live here, they’re back in Germany, and he’s very glad for that.”

Ah. Sorry for asking.

“No, it’s fine. Really.” Jackie frowned, and sat up straight. “You, uh...I-I don’t remember you apologizing as much before,” he said slowly. “Are you...okay?”

Jameson started to sign sorry, but then caught himself. He leaned over onto the table, briefly hiding his head in his arms before signing, I was working on that with my therapist. But now, it’s just all...He couldn’t even find the words and just threw his hands up in the air before hiding his head in his arms again.

Jackie leaned forward and placed his hand on Jameson’s arm. “It’s fine. We’re, uh...under a lot of stress. It makes sense that you’d, uh...things would happen again. It’s not wrong or anything. I think you’re doing great.”

Anti switched off the audio and looked away. Nothing was wrong with apologizing. It certainly wasn’t something you needed to talk to a therapist about. In fact, why did Jameson even need a therapist? He was fine.

Well...no, he wasn’t. Because he was different. Anti had backed off for a bit, giving him space to adjust, and then started talking with him again. Not for very long, but he’d come into the room, Jackie would back off and stay quiet, and he’d talk to Jameson. The goal was to regain trust, but it just wasn’t working. Jameson was anywhere from unresponsive to aggressive towards him. He didn’t get it. Yes, the initial approach wasn’t good, he’ll admit that. But what else was he supposed to do? He was trying to make up for it. The room was starting to get a bit crowded with all the things he’d given him. Books, a music player, even a beanbag chair. Anything he wanted.

Well, almost anything. He couldn’t give him everything right away, otherwise there would be nothing left for good behavior.

Anti sighed. And once again, he twirled the keycard through his fingers. And it gave him an idea. What if...one of those rewards...yes, that might work.

That might work indeed.

Anti slowly grinned, and opened up his calendar to figure out when would be the best time to enact the plan that was forming in his mind.

#jacksepticeye #jacksepticeye fanfiction #jacksepticegos #jacksepticeye au #septic egos #septic egos au #chase brody #marvin the magnificent #dr schneeplestein #jackieboy man #jameson jackson #antisepticeye #brigid writes fanfiction #pwtimeline

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diamondcitydarlin · 5 years ago

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I am just...honestly fascinated by this sudden ‘change of heart’ with Guillermo tho in regards to being a familiar and becoming a vampire, there’s a lot going on there and a lot to unpack, and I’m hoping somewhere in the depths of what is about to be a long, directionless rant I’ll find the clarity I haven’t seemed to quite grasp yet.

ALSO I’M SORRY THIS IS A LOOONG ASS POST BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO PUT IT UNDER A READ MORE AND SUBJECT INNOCENTS TO MY BLOG LOL, BUT I’VE TAGGED ACCORDINGLY

So, I already made a post about ‘Collaboration’ and some of the interesting subtext we get within that episode. Mainly, that this episode is an interesting one for Guillermo because he finally gets what appears to be and should be (at least at first) the opportunity he’s always been waiting for. To this point, across seasons, Guillermo has driven home that his one and only aspiration in life, the reason he tolerates an endless, shitty position, is because he hopes to become a vampire. He’s wanted it since he was a kid. IF HE CAN’T BECOME A VAMPIRE, WHAT HAS THIS ALL BEEN ABOUT??

If it was as simple as just wanting to become a vampire by any means necessary, leaving Nandor for this golden opportunity should have been as easy as taking off an ill-fitting pair of shoes...but it wasn’t that, was it? When Nandor pretended to shuck him off as if it didn’t matter, Guillermo got angry and sad in equal measure and only really brightened again when Nandor came back and promised to do better by him. Not necessarily set down a concrete timeline for the ‘becoming a vampire’ thing though, but Guillermo didn’t seem to care about that all that much anyway. Interesting.

Now we’re able to see a version of things in which Guillermo is being treated better as a familiar, but rather than this development improving his mood he seems all the more aware of the fact now that...maybe he doesn’t even want to be a vampire anymore. Maybe he’s wasting his time here. Maybe he needs to swim towards open waters, so to speak.

Very similar to Nandor, Guillermo, I think, is not really aware or fully accepting of the inner workings of his own mind. He strikes me as a character that does a lot in the way of burying the truths of himself so far down, he even convinces himself that part of who he is doesn’t really exist- even when it does, and drives a lot of his actions. The show plays to this by only ‘showing’ us concretely how much Guillermo wants us to know, with only small hints and nods to other things going on. That fits and rings true to the norm for a mockumentary style of filming/writing, in that the audience has to rely on a lot of subtle cues from the subjects to figure out what’s ‘really going on’ with a character or plot line; the ‘camera’ in a mockumentary style piece is as much of a visceral, present character as anyone else in the cast and is treated accordingly (but then, like 99.99999% of human beings have seen the entirety of The Office and Parks and Rec, so yall know this already)

I think part of the way to figuring this all out is to ask why Guillermo wanted to be a vampire in the first place. His answer to this would probably be something along the lines of ‘because they’re cool’ which, you know, valid. That would be a fitting and satisfying answer if, say, I had given it because there was a time when I was about 4-6 years old that I, too, decided I would grow up to be a vampire. Because it was ‘cool’ and aspiring to anything else seemed boring. Again, valid. For someone who has dedicated pretty much ALL of his adult life to apprenticing into vampirism based on a childhood dream that never died? THAT begs a bit more of an in depth reason, I think, to which for now we can only guess.

I’ll try to make an educated one based on what I believe is going on here, that Guillermo himself is either not aware of or not ready to share with the cameras: I believe his drive to want to become a vampire, given it was based in childhood flights of fancy (and probably some Guillermo-self insert/Armand fanfics, let’s be hONEST) was rooted in a need to feel respected and powerful, at the heart of things. When we first meet Guillermo, and for much of season 1, we see that he’s quiet, subservient, meek, and we learn briefly about how he was bullied in school. I think Guillermo was raised to be this way and use silence/subservience as his only defense mechanism, which may also go a long way to explaining why he’s so reserved. For 10 years, I think it was enough for him to tell himself that everything would be better for him once he became a vampire, he’d have all the things he never had as a human. Respect. Appreciation. Power. Control over his own life.

That said, things have changed quite a bit for Guillermo since season one. While learning that he had Van Helsing blood came as an unpleasant shock, embracing and exploring that side of himself proved that he’s actually kind of a bad ass even without being a vampire. He only ever wielded this power to protect Nandor and others so far, but it is a power nonetheless, this agility and strength that is too great for even VAMPIRES to successfully fight back against. He’s also a smart cookie that knows how to manipulate a situation, something that he’s been using a lot this season too. So, power, then. He has it already. Respect he received from his vampire-hunting group.

But that still leaves appreciation and, dare I say it, maybe even affection/love. I think there’s a part of Guillermo that wants to feel like he’s accepted and cared for, but even when it’s offered (by groups like his vampire hunting clan, or Celeste’s vampire community lol) he seems to shy away from it going too far, like it’s just too much or ill-fitting coming from people he barely knows. Given that he’s a private, introvert type this makes sense.

One thing has remained consistent for Guillermo though, across both seasons and episodes, and that’s his seemingly unwavering concern and affection for Nandor. Even in this last ep when he’s unashamedly shucking off duties that don’t fit his job description and maintaining those professional boundaries like a BOSS, he still snaps to and gets to work the moment Nandor is kidnapped. Laszlo’s gone? Meh, who cares, not his jurisdiction. Nandor’s gone!?? Fuck it, he’s getting the keys. A ‘vampire’ offers him the opportunity of a lifetime to become a vampire quickly and live within an accepting community of likeminded people and Nandor told him ‘go for it’? He’s upset that Nandor didn’t fight harder to keep him.

So now he’s back and Nandor’s making a consistent effort not to abuse Guillermo’s position. This seemed the ideal resolution at the end of ‘Collaboration’, but after a couple of weeks it becomes clear that it wasn’t. For some reason. Guillermo’s no longer satisfied and thinks maybe it’s time to do more with his life.

I’ll try to sum up the points I’ve made so far into a concise version of where I think Guillermo’s at right now, at least subconsciously; mostly all the things he hoped that turning into a vampire would grant him, have already been granted. He’s learned that he’s strong, smart, capable as is, more than he or anyone else had ever given him credit for. I think it makes sense that his burning need to become a vampire has begun to ebb into a quarter-life crisis of questioning who he really is and what he really wants, because the dream he nursed for so long has turned out to be pretty shallow and maybe not even necessary. He realizes there’s more he could be doing than working tirelessly to an end goal that no longer seems so sweet.

But that leaves the ‘affection’ and ‘acceptance’ elements dangling in space, held up by his own affection for Nandor that has yet to be really defined. It’s pretty clear that Guillermo is nursing it hard, but what is the nature of it? Even as his sense of loyal devotion to a cause has started to fade, even as his view of Nandor as this unflappable role model has begun to disappear too bc he’s starting to see Nandor for who he really is (a himbo idiot that he can outwit, outmatch without even trying hard) this raw affection still remains. It’s still important that Nandor fights for him. It’s still important that Nandor is safe and protected.

And, as with the rest of these things I mentioned, I don’t think Guillermo is even really aware of how much he cares about Nandor, how much it drives his actions and thinking, how important that relationship is to him. It’s easier to just sort of...ignore that and pretend it isn’t a factor, that’s Guillermo’s modus operandi when it comes to complicated feelings.

I think back to that line from season 1, wherein Guillermo’s kind of musing wistfully about how different his life might have been if he’d stayed at Panera Bread/in a stable job with pay and benefits, but then handwaves that all away with ‘The heart wants what it wants’. By this point in the show he was already kind of drifting away from the goal of becoming a vampire (whether he realized it or not).

The heart wants what it wants indeed, Guillermo, but maybe it’s not really ‘becoming a vampire’. Maybe it’s something else entirely that keeps you tied to this house, this thankless ‘job’.

At this point, I really cannot say for 100% certain what I think will happen next with Guillermo. This show has proven solid at pulling out unexpected plot twists I wouldn’t have seen coming, but then, I also have been pretty good at predicting where they’re gonna go with things. Like 7/10 lmao. My two theories right now are:

He’ll become a vampire in the series finale- unwillingly, maybe by accident. This one I think is plausible because it’s a bit of a kick in the pants. It’s the outcome he’s wanted for SO LONG but has just realized maybe it’s not all he can do or wants to do. I could see a situation where, idk, maybe Guillermo expresses to Nandor his thoughts lately about moving on from this and, in an act of stupid desperation, Nandor thinks maybe if he changes him that’ll keep him in his life, so he does it while Guillermo’s asleep and then surprises him when he wakes up...only to find out maybe that wasn’t actually what he wanted anymore, but UH OH what’s done is done. This could provide a lot of tension in the next season, I think. But as it’s a bit of a ‘shocking’ twist type route to go, I can’t be certain this is what they’ll do. Kind of a toss up.

Guillermo leaves to pursue something else, which the camera crew will follow and document. This is the ‘sensible’/’safe’ route that most scripted shows would take, I think, in this situation...but again, I’m not certain about this one either because Shadows is known for throwing us for a loop and this seems a liiiittle predictable. It’s also very similar to what JUST happened in episode 8 and, were I writing the show, I’d worry it would come across as redundant. Like, maybe we already did this angle and should explore other options to keep the audience on their toes. Also, as much as they love putting Harvey with new casts of characters for episodic stories, I’m not sure they’d transplant him from the main cast for an extended period of time because he’s part of what makes that dynamic run so well. But then, the synopsis of the finale does say that vampires have to ‘survive without Guillermo’ while preparing for an event, so this may happen in some small, episodic measure again.

Anyway, to wrap this up into a conclusion, I don’t think I’m wrong in predicting that Nandor/Guillermo’s relationship has been set up in such a way as to keep us guessing, sort of a Sam/Diane, will-they-won’t-they type thing that will remain a constant throughout whatever happens next, but will require both characters growing independent of each other in their own respective subplots. At this point, it has always remained consistent that Nandor and Guillermo prioritize each other even when it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t think either of them are ready to realize, accept, and sort through the layers of what they feel for each other. The master/servant dynamic makes that difficult, I’d imagine, so I think inevitably we’ll see the show start to pull them away from that. All I’m saying is, if whatever is going on between them wasn’t VERY complicated it would’ve been resolved as whatever it is a long time ago. Nah, there’s some deep, repressed shit they’re ignoring collectively for whatever reason, and usually that points to something that will, at some point, become romantic. Either way, to understand Guillermo is to keep a close eye on how his dynamic with Nandor grows and changes and I’m, as ever, VERY eager to see how it does.

#guillermo de la cruz #nandor x guillermo #guillermo x nandor #wwdits #what we do in the shadows tv show #long post #meta

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