#you cannot vent to me Yelling for an hour first thing when i wake up and expect me to be normal abt it

[twinknote]

my mom told me that my stepdad got diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder last night by his basically retired therapist who’s worked with him for like 15 years and that she straight up Laughed in his face when he told her… like ok yeah he sucks and i hate him too but girly do you think that was hurtful or helpful

[mmvalentine]

The Pianist pt 4 | Jurdan

Modern AU. Part 1 part 2 part 3 part 5

Jude woke up with a bad taste in her mouth and cotton wool in her brain. She groaned, groped around on the night stand for her phone and had to look at the screen through one eye because the light hurt her.

Does Cardan wake up like this every day? Jude wondered. And if so, how was he not dead?

Cardan. Shit.

Jude had a vague memory of kissing Cardan at Locke's party, but she was not entirely sure that she hadn't dreamt it. Fuck it. Cardan had been with so many girls she very much doubted one drunk kiss at a party would even register for him. Jude refused to be embarrassed.

In fact she was pretty sure that what she was actually feeling was annoyance, since he a) had managed to get under her skin even though she absolutely didn’t want him there and hadn’t invited him and b) was now striking up some exercises on the piano that sounded like he was playing them on the inside of her skull. Since when did Cardan start anything before lunch?

Jude tried to roll over and go back to sleep. Luckily for her, this was her one day a week off from all three of her jobs. Unluckily for her, Cardan was only just getting started.

Twenty minutes later, there was a pause. Jude sighed her relief as the infernal exercises finally stopped- only for a furious Baroque piece to begin. “No no no no,” Jude yelled. She flung back her covers, still dressed in the black dress from the night before, with bed hair and yesterday’s makeup, and stalked out the door barefoot.

Through the fire door, up one flight of steps, and down the hall to Cardan’s flat. She hammered her fist on his front door.

"Cardan!" she barked. "Cardan you insufferable ass!"

The piano stopped, and before he could get to her she yanked the door handle. It was unlocked, and Jude opened the door to a very surprised Cardan who was himself just reaching for the knob.

"Jude?"

"Yes Jude, hello it’s me your downstairs fucking neighbour who cannot sleep through this racket!"

Cardan just stood and stared at her. Some quiet part of Jude’s mind was sure she looked like a madwoman, but the louder part ignored it and continued the tirade.

"I mean for fuck’s sake Cardan what do you have against sleep?" She flung the words at him. “You keep me up all through the night because you refuse to operate during daylight hours like a normal person, and then the one time I want to sleep in, the one time- Cardan do you know I never ever ever sleep in? And then this one time I think maybe I’ll just relax a little, here you are like you’ve got some kind of personal vendetta against me getting a full eight hours!"

She paused to draw breath, and still Cardan just stood there. It was infuriating.

"Well?" She demanded.

And then Cardan put both his hands around her face, and pulled her mouth to his.

The heat was instant. Jude burned up under it in for a second, then realised what was happening and cut the kiss off.

But Cardan was having none of that. He pulled her right back to him, and Jude did not have enough willpower to break away a second time. The shocking fever of it wiped out all logical thought and the next thing she knew she was folding her arms around his neck. Cardan wrapped his own around her waist, stooping a little to reach her and then pulling her up against his body. He took a step back and Jude let him lead her into his apartment, the door closing softly behind them.

Cardan moved his mouth against hers and when his tongue lashed out she was only too eager to meet it. She scraped her nails against his neck as his hands slid into the tangle of her hair.

Jude took another step forward, and Cardan backed into a lamp. It toppled over noisily, but he didn’t let her stop the kiss. Just moved them to the side, where Jude’s back hit a shelf and two books fell out. Cardan didn‘t seem to care at all. Pushed her further into the wall while his teeth found her bottom lip, and knocked a frame down as his hand hit the plaster behind her.

Jude tugged him closer at the waist, and returned every one of his kisses. She might have kept kissing him all day, he tasted so good, but then in between one breath and the next he whispered her name, and she realised.

She was making out with Cardan.

Jude shoved him away, hard, and stormed out the door without a word.

////

Cardan didn't see Jude for a week after that.

It was strange, they had been in each other's proximity for a long time now and not had a lot to do with each other but now, somehow, he was quite sure she was avoiding him.

He didn't know quite what to feel about that kiss.

In his defence, she had started it. That night of Locke's party- no, before that. The night she started singing him to sleep through the air vents. She had floated into his life through his ears and now her absence chafed like a burr in his shoe. Of course, in the past days there was no singing. Not even when Cardan lay there for an hour, waiting to hear her voice.

Locke had seen her.

In spite of the mess that had been that party, and the morning after, it seemed that Jude had taken on Cardan's advice and agreed to meet with Locke for the play.

And according to Locke, things were going very well. He raved about Jude's voice, which irritated Cardan to no end. He had put his ear to the carpet just to hear her, and now he had to share her with Locke? Prick.

Locke, as always, had an easy time of assembling the rest of his cast. Cardan did not think him a bad writer, but he did suspect the queues for his casting call had more to do with who his father was than with his skills as a playwright.

He had been auditioning for a couple of weeks now, and with Jude in place, he was ready to call his first cast meeting. Cardan, Nicasia and Valerian were expected to attend too- Nicasia and Valerian never missed a chance to be on stage, and Cardan was invited for his "musical ear."

So there they all were, on a Friday evening, in the old theatre Locke's dad let him use. Waiting for the last few people to arrive. When Jude walked through the door she nodded to Locke, but avoided Cardan's gaze.

Fine, he thought. If she didn't want to talk to him, he certainly wasn't going to force her. He thought of the rant she had loosed on him that morning last week, and figured it was probably better this way.

Finally, Locke called them all to attention, and Cardan sat in the back row with Nicasia and Valerian as Locke addressed them all from the stage. Cardan put his feet up on the chair in front of him, and let Nicasia doze on his shoulder while Valerian picked things out of the soles of his boots with a pocket knife.

"So without further ado,' Locke was saying, may I present to you our stunning leading lady, Taryn."

Cardan looked up. The small group were politely clapping as a tall, thin woman stood and nodded at them all. She was all blonde hair and heroin chic, just Locke's type. But what about-

"And of course our vocalist, discovered by yours truly and pulled from the bowels of the subway tunnels, Jude!"

The group applauded mildly again, but Jude did not stand up. Locke continued. "Jude is going to provide the singing voice for Taryn, although I haven't decided whether we're going to pre-record or get her to sing live backstage."

What?

"What?" Jude demanded. The cast went quiet. "You want me to sing for Taryn?"

"Yes, of course," Locke said. "You've got a lovely voice, Jude, but Tarym looks more the part, don't you think?"

"Well you didn't fucking tell me that when I agreed to do this, Locke."

"Jude," Locke held up his hands. "Please stay calm. I'm sorry if you misunderstood."

"If I misunderstood? You lied to me. Why in the hell would I want to stand around behind a curtain so that someone prettier than me can get the credit?"

"Aw come on, Jude. It's not like that. This is a very common practice in show business," Locke insisted.

Now that the drama was amping up, Nicasia and Valerian were suddenly paying attention.

"Yeah come on, Jude," Valerian called down. "It's a compliment, you have a great face for recording!"

"Darling, these are all Juilliard trained performers," Nicasia added. "You didn't actually think you were going to be on stage did you?"

"I didn't ask to be here," Jude said, picking up her bag. "Fuck this, and fuck you guys slowly with a fork."

She strode out the door, right past their row.

"Jude, wait," Cardan said, scrambling out of his seat.

"You stay the hell away from me," Jude hissed, then the door slammed behind her and Nicasia burst into hysterical laughter. Cardan looked back down toward Locke, who was shaking his head tragically.

"This is why you never hire amateurs," he said sadly, and in that moment, Cardan hated them all.

****

Hooo boy okay a lot happened in this chapter! We are in a two week lockdown after a COVID break out so I guess you get lots of writing this weekend. Someone please hug them for meee

JURDAN MASTERLIST

TAGLIST: @asteria-of-mars @swankii-art-teacher @loosingdreams @feysand-loml @cityofbookish @story-scribbler

[reynie-muldoons]

'The Dance of the Celestial Orb' liveblog!

for real this time lmfao

book and show spoilers below

I'm ✨nervous✨ please let our children be okay

0:10 this Sticky arc hurts me so kuch

1:35 this music is BUMPIN

2:22 I just wanna know how she got under there without the dude seeing her

2:47 "all systems go" for the Improvement.... yikes 😬😬😬

2:55 she didn't wait even 5 seconds after they left, the door was still closing when she popped up 😂 can you imagine if one of them doubled back right at that moment

3:18 they look like the dudes from that veggietales movie, I think it was Esther- the island of perpetual tickling?? Anyone??? 😂😂😂

4:00 Kate vented.......

4:51 "not a rat" yeah no shit

5:07 if not for the suspense, I would be jamming out lmaooo

6:10 Mr. Benedict is looking at the shoreline, is he about to watch Kate dive in???? Because I mean that's where she's gotta be going

6:20 "memory challenges"? Is Rhonda talking about Milligan's amnesia, or has short term memory been affected as well??

6:29 .....thank you for answering so efficiently 😂

6:42 "I buy it. I completely.... buy it." RHONDA THAT'S NOT HELPFUL AHSKSHDJKD

6:56 can you imagine seeing your friend go down in a sub then hours later seeing the sub float up in fucking PIECES

7:06 KATE! KATE! KATE! KATE!

7:06 please let it be reunion time

7:25 oh hello that's a drop

7:38 *to the tune of Bezos I* come on Katie u can do it pave the way put ur back into it

7:51 she craves that mineral

8:06 Sticky, my child

8:20 oh my gosh they went out and LOOKED FOR HER I care them 😭😭😭

8:23 SHE KNEW HIS DREAM SHE KNEW HIS DREAM TELEPATH TELEPATH TELEPATH

8:34 STICKY STOPPPP

8:40 "jumping to conclusions is a failure of character" wow that really is something Curtain would say

8:52 angry Reynie. He is in rare form

8:54 "and you helped put her there!" OOOOOOOH I SCREAMED

9:03 "I shouldn't have yelled" okay but you kinda should have Sticky needs a wake up call

9:06 "dont apologize. I like this side of you." IS THIS THE START OF REYNIE AND CONSTANCE HAVING THE BEST SIBLING RELATIONSHIP

9:22 "if you really cared about me, you'd want me to be happy instead of standing there telling me who I am" oh Sticky my dude I am NOT digging the manipulation

9:36 Reynie pulling out the BFF card!!! Also Reynie digging in his feet because he knows he's right!!!! That's great setup for his arc as a strategist later

9:48 "I'm telling you, Kate's fine." Narrator: Kate was not, in fact, fine.

10:03 "they'll notice." Sticky has made one (1) good point.

10:11 oh dear god are they fingerprinting this bitch

10:19 all this equipment, has no one walked up to the cliff and looked down???

10:23 HAHAHAHA WAIT THEY ACTUALLY HAVEN'T

10:27 "we've been out here all night" that means Kate has been clinging to a cliff by her fingers and toes ALL NIGHT????

11:04 babe I know it's been a long night but maybe wait a second for them to actually leave before you climb back up

11:15 BUCKET NO

11:22 she has to go get it. There's no way someone wouldn't find that shit, it's in plain view

11:37 "WAS"???? WHY ARE WE SAYING WAS????? NO PAST TENSE HERE MILLIGAN'S FINE

11:43 "I only wish we could've known him better" NOOOPE NONONO WE'RE NOT DOING THIS

11:47 Rhonda back at it as the voice of reason!!!!!

11:59 "I have never met a more competent swimmer" throwback to "the baaAAAYYYY"

12:10 MR. BENEDICT'S FACE HAHAHAHA HOLD ON LET ME TAKE A PICTURE IM DYING

12:11 NUMBER TWO, NOT HELPING

12:14 RHONDA'S FACE HAHENDJDKDN

12:33 "we will go rescue him" because of COURSE he would

12:36 Rhonda is his best wingwoman omfg she's so consistent

12:54 MISS PERUMAL??????

12:56 MISS PERUMAL!!!!!!

13:00 SHE KNOWS HE'S RIGHT GAKSHDBDHEKSNND

13:09 "how hard can it be? It's an island!" PFFFFT

13:16 oh SQ baby boy please get out of there

13:25 "I certainly have my own suspicions" he said, looking at SQ why are you looking at SQ like that

13:31 SQ GET OUT OF THERE PLEASE IS2G

13:36 here we fuckin go

13:43 the captions have the f in forest capitalized like it's this special place

13:43 new hc that the Forest is a magical place like pixie hollow

13:57 TWO THINGS: 1. YES stand up for yourself baby!!!! 2. Shepard Quaid? Interesting! I don't think we ever got SQ's full name in the books, I hope TLS made that decision!

14:08 your "father hat"??? Oh my gosh shut the fuck up right there don't even continue

14:16 oh yeah real fuckin cute put on your "steward of this institution hat" and call that a good reason to be a shit person

14:43 "No." GOOD FOR HIMMMM GOOD JOB SQ

15:03 Kate's struggling right by the shore where a certain someone would be returning after a very hard swim, it would be a great time for a meeting wouldn't you think

15:09 KATE THE GREAT

15:11 "THE TRAPESE GODDESS" I WILL REFER TO HER AS NOTHING ELSE

15:26 sorry but that green screen of her falling was kinda funny

15:28 soooooo is someone, a very certain someone, gonna catch her...??????

15:36 YEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

15:43 IS THIS IT????@?@?!?

15:46 awww poor baby girl you can tell how tired she is

15:46 just putting this out there- they look so good in frame together

15:46 the actor who plays Milligan is fucking huge in stature so I wasn't sure how that would go but it looks so good

16:00 THE WAY HE'S LOOKING AT HER WITH HIS HAND ON HER SHOULDER I CANT DO THISSSSS

16:20 "keep going." 😭😭😭😭😭

16:23 "you dont understand." Ohhhh I think he does

16:25 "I think I do." What did I tell you, he's got your back babygirl

16:45 I'm so glad she's talking this out, and with Milligan of all people

17:01 it makes so much sense for Kate to feel alone in that situation, and when Kate feels anything less than positive she goes and does something, whatever that something is.

17:05 "So.. I...." "fell off a cliff and nearly died." Thanks for putting things into perspective Milligan

17:05 Milligan is such a good dad stop

17:19 "most of the way" is an understatement LMFAO

17:29 I'm so glad we know the intimate details of Milligan's illustrious swimming abilities 😂 out of all the new things wfrom the show that one wasnt on my radar

17:52 leave it to Milligan to come up with an escape plan off of an island with no water vessel with four kids in tow

18:08 THEYRE SO CUTE 😭😭😭😭

18:08 lowkey I'm super surprised they didnt take this opportunity to have Milligan's arduous swim force his memories out and have the father daughter bonding time they deserve. I hope they give that moment ample time to flesh out.

18:13 BUCKET!!!

18:13 wait that shot is so artsy hold up lmfao

18:13 this looks like someone's photography final hahahaha

18:26 THE TENDER MUSIC STOPPPP 😭😭😭

18:41 Sticky is still on that jumping to conclusions bs he got from Curtain

18:44 WETHERALL'S WIDGET 😭

19:31 "Kate... she's in danger..." NO SHIT SHERLOCK

19:36 "and it's all because of me." Not just because of you but love to see you taking responsibility

19:52 once again I am asking WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS IN THE OPEN

20:26 "Kate. She has changed." "Not really. She's always been who she is." "Her clothes. She changed clothes." PFFFT HAHHAHA they really took a moment of self-reflection and made it so much better

20:55 AYYYYY KATE'S DEPENDENCY ARC CONTINUESSSSS

21:35 yikes yikes yikes

22:16 I love that Mr. Benedict got closure in telling Miss Perumal that her words stuck with him

22:40 the way she just knows Reynie took the position of leader 😭😭

22:54 SHE WROTE HIM A LETTERRR

23:02 "Would it be possible to get this to him?" Ma'am what part of undercover spy don't you get

23:54 it's still really weird that we are now in a position where Reynie is the one who is not trusted and Sticky is the one in Curtain's favor

24:13 and here we see Curtain's thinly veiled anger issues shining through

24:21 "the little things matter. Every minor detail, it all matters!" CALLBACK TO MR. BENEDICT TELLING THE CHILDREN THAT THEY ALL MATTER

24:55 "I can tell with complete accuracy when a person is lying." first of all, no. second of all, I cannot wait for him to talk to Constance.

26:33 why is Mr. Benedict graphically explaining the children's potential trauma so funny to me

26:40 "you're catastrophizing." "Yes. I am. Quite severely. Thank you." WHY IS THIS FUNNY

26:58 MADGE!!!!

27:16 she's so prettyyyyy

27:33 GOOD JOB MADGE!!!!!

27:36 wait did she just take the LETTER??? she's delivering the LETTER?????

28:05 WHAT DOES "OKAY FINE" MEAN??? REYNIE??????

28:22 it's sad because it's true 🥺

28:24 "I miss my teacher from the orphanage" the best lies are the ones rooted in truth 🥺🥺🥺

28:48 roll credits

29:16 Reynie honey Orion's Belt isn't on the ceiling

29:29 the way he was so confident that he had it right 😑 Curtain Stop Being a Pretentious Fuck challenge

29:52 our babygirl is so smartttt

29:55 did Milligan plant his prints 😳 oh no OH NO

29:57 MARTINA???? WHATSUEJHDKD

29:57 is this the replacement for when they pin cheating on her????

30:03 THE KEY CARD!!!!

30:11 MADGEEEE

30:21 "one attacked me as a small child" honey you are a small child

30:24 "it did not win," she said, smiling menacingly

30:40 "so we dance again" WHY DID THE MUSIC REV UP WHEN SHE SAID THAT HAHAHAHA

31:01 ✨woodworking is a passion✨

31:58 "was it functional?" "Well I guess that depends on how you define functionality" RHONDA'S FACE IN THE BACKGROUND HAHAHAHA

32:10 OH HEY MARTINA

32:17 wait 🥺

32:22 that has to be SQ :)

32:28 hi sweet boy

32:34 please tell me they did that shot of the sandwich because Madge is about to take it

32:39 LMFAOOOOO

32:44 hi good girl!!! Enjoy your snackies

32:50 oh god oh no the LETTER

33:25 oh wow we're doing this NOW??

33:52 and here we see another example of Curtain's thinly veiled anger issues bubbling to the surface

34:10 hey what if you uhhh weren't such an asshole

34:33 that man's voice is buttery

34:52 REYNIE'S TRYING TO TELL SQ????

35:02 and they're talking about this right in front of the office door, WHY??

35:24 AND THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE OFFICE DOOR, WHY????

35:55 he's letting him go 🥺🥺🥺🥺

36:14 why does that look like a body bag

36:17 oh my gosh it definitely is a body bag, hey Martina

36:25 yep, that's about what I expected

36:36 "whoever did this to me, they're gonna pay" oh girl do I have some bad news for you

37:12 ahhhh, so Martina is the burnt out gifted kid who keeps going out of spite and sheer force of will

37:12 everything makes much more sense now

37:30 ohhhhh my gosh feelings time

37:44 "I think it's awesome." "Yeah. I know you do." THE SHIPPERS ARE THRIVING

37:54 THEY REALLY WANT TO MAKE THIS AS PAINFUL AS POSSIBLE HUH

38:10 "it's the least I can do" that's an understatement 😬

38:14 AAWWWWW SHKSHSLSBDK

38:20 "I don't know what I'd do without you, Wetherall" STOPPPPP

38:30 HEY BUD UH MAYBE CLOSE YOUR DOOR???

38:38 he's been writing letters to her every night and now he finally gets one back 😭😭

39:34 so Miss Perumal wrote this letter with the intention of it being sent to him, right- why did she write it like that?? 😂

39:34 they've gone to such lengths to communicate in code but the letter kind of undermines that- it was written in such a way that an onlooker would know Reynie was a spy but wouldn't know what he was doing or why. No wonder SQ was pissed

39:41 KATE!!

40:10 BREAKING NEWS: local bastard man treats everyone like shit

40:15 ohhhhh SQ bud please be careful

40:30 "always have time for my son," he said in a clipped voice that implied that he does not have time for his son

40:35 ohhh he's getting RIGHT INTO IT HUH

40:41 you mean to tell me he's never asked about Mr. Curtain's work?? Ever???? Somehow that doesn't seem right to me

40:57 hey uh what if you didn't talk down to SQ at every opportunity

41:02 "would you care to reconsider that answer, son?" "No." DIG THOSE HEELS IN SQ!!!!

41:22 I'm really not digging that Curtain is using the guise of openly expressing his feelings to communicate his anger and his unasked question. Not cool bitch head

41:33 the fact that he didn't answer SQ's spoken question kind of also answers his unspoken question

41:45 "I knew there was something off about that girl. But espionage?" "How do you so convincingly fake a tetherball obsession?" I love that this entire conversation could be about Martina or Kate interchangeably

42:34 WELL THAT'S NOT GOOD

42:36 IF IT WAS THAT EASY TO FIND WITH BINOCULARS HOW HAD THEY NOT BEEN SPOTTED UP UNTIL THIS POINT?!!?#? HOW????

43:05 Kate advocating for Martina with the Society 🥺🥺 the interaction I didn't know I needed

43:58 "I definitely don't like to leave anything unfinished." "That's true, I've seen you eat." PFFFFT

44:05 YESS YOU GO STICKY USE YOUR ACCESS FOR PRIME INTEL

44:19 "well, you can't succeed without me, so..." baby girl you have no idea how right you are

44:28 please let that be Milligan PLEASE LET THAT BE MILLIGAN

44:32 YEAAAAAHHHHH

44:35 I simply adore him

44:45 "would you mind helping me down, please? I'm stuck." Your honor I would die for this man

44:54 oh shit, Martina's tryna sleuth it out herself.. this can't end well

45:04 is she about to find Kate's marbles or something?? Callback to the book?

45:26 the absolute MURDER in her eyes

45:31 FUCKIN YIKES

45:41 "the clothes of someone who had given up" ASEJDGEIDNDLFK

45:47 well that's not good

46:00 WELL THAT'S NOT GOOD

46:04 PLEASE let them be on their way already, please

46:14 THEY MADE A BLIMP????

46:17 Goodyear is QUAKING

46:35 why the fuck is Number Two in red, that's upsetting on principle

THEYRE JUST ENDING IT THERE???? goddamnit!!!!

How surreal is it that next week is the finale?? Idk if I'm ready for that????

[ultimatetrashyfanfic]

I’m just gonna say Non-despair AU cause I want everyone to be happy. I freaking LOVE Gundham so much, he’s wonderful and I’ve been wanting to write him for a while (but stalling cause of his DIALOGUE. It’s so hard). Buuuut I decided to finally give it a shot. And to kind of vent a little cause he used to stress me out in his dark coat and scarf in tropical heat. With Kazuichi because I want them to be friends, and because I seem physically incapable of not putting Kazuichi in every fic. COULD be seen as pre-soudam if you prefer, I didn’t write it like that but it could be if that floats your boat. I do like that ship, I just like other ones with Gundham and kazuichi more. Anyway, hope you enjoy - Circle

Also on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33543364

Warning: descriptions of overheating, sickfic. Nothing really bad here.

Kazuichi wasn’t shocked to wake up sprawled across a towel with sand in his hair and a dry mouth, completely alone on the beach. This wasn’t even the first time it had happened. When his insomnia was really bad he’d always doze throughout the next day - for some reason he couldn’t sleep in his warm, comfortable bed at night but could drop off in seconds with his head on the breakfast table or against Hajime’s shoulder. His classmates never bothered to wake Kazuichi if he was somewhere he wouldn’t be in the way, so the beach was a frequent napping spot. They always made sure to leave him in the shade with a water bottle for when he woke, so Kazuichi didn’t mind. It was normal.

What was very much not normal was waking up to Gundham grasping the front of his t-shirt, shaking him violently and yelling some weird gibberish that Kazuichi was still too woolly-headed to understand.

“Wha..?” he muttered, trying to wake up properly. For a second he wondered if he was having a weird lucid dream, because Gundham never usually touched people, especially him - though he was shaking him by the shirt instead of the shoulders.

“You’re gonna stretch out my clothes,” Kazuichi whined, sitting up and scrubbing his eyes.

“As if your tattered garments are a priority right now! Answer me with honesty, lest the demons tear your tongue from your very mouth. Have you encountered the wrath of my Crimson Steel Elephant?” Gundham cried, far too loudly.

“What?” Kazuichi mumbled. “Gundham, I can’t decipher your witchy language when I’ve just woken up.”

“Foolish mortal! This is a dire emergency!”

“Why? What’s happened?”

“I shall repeat myself just once more, so listen well. Have you encountered one of my Dark Devas of Destruction? Maga-Z appears to be missing,” Gundham said. Despite the grandeur and fancy words, Kazuichi could see he did look pretty distressed, holding the three remaining hamsters in his hand as if he was scared they’d dash away too.

“Oooh, okay. You’ve lost a hamster. That’s all you had to say, Gundham. One single sentence and I would’ve understood,” Kazuichi said.

“Do not talk so disparagingly! My Devas are far more powerful than mere hamsters. And Maga-Z has an independent spirit and often attempts to cause chaos alone. I have my concerns for the safety of everyone on this island if Maga-Z wields his destructive power without my guidance.”

Gundham was completely serious, but Kazuichi had to bite his cheeks to stop himself laughing, picturing a hamster storming across the island in a tank, decimating everything. But Gundham was clearly frantic, and Kazuichi was trying to be nicer to him recently, so he sighed.

“Okay, I’ll help you look for him. We should try to get the others to help too.”

“Indeed. You were the first mortal I came across,” Gundham admitted.

“Right, what does Maga-Z look like?” Kazuichi asked, taking a long drink of water. He felt like he’d be running around in the hot sun for a while now and wanted to drink while he had the chance.

“Your memory is abysmal.” Gundham seemed irritated that Kazuichi didn’t know the hamsters by sight.

“Look, I’m not exactly on nodding terms with your ham- Devas, am I? How am I supposed to know which is which? I only recognise the chubby one.” Kazuichi pointed to Cham-P.

Gundham reeled back like he’d been slapped, spluttering in outrage. “How dare you mock his corporeal form! If Cham-P was not so patient, he would obliterate you where you stand for such cheek.”

“Look, I wasn’t trying to body shame your hamster,” Kazuichi said irritably. “I wasn’t mocking. He’s just bigger than the other ones.”

“He is of the Golden variety, of course he is larger in stature. It has nothing to do with his nutritional intake.”

“Are we going to search or not?” Kazuichi snapped. God, talking to Gundham for more than five minutes was exhausting. “Do you know if Maga-Z has favourite places to go or something?”

Kazuichi let Gundham lead and did his very best not to talk to his strange companion as they searched through bushes and inside cupboards, asking any of his classmates they encountered to look too. Gundham muttered to the remaining hamsters, but didn’t try to talk to Kazuichi much either except to order him around - though his grandiose tone was quickly becoming softer and more anxious.

“Maga-Z has never disappeared from my influence for so long,” he mumbled, pulling his scarf to cover his mouth. “I cannot contain this feeling of dread.”

“Hey, don’t worry,” Kazuichi said, surprising himself. “We’ll find him. He’ll be okay.”

Gundham blinked, then stood up straighter. “I assure you, I fear for the inhabitants of the island. Maga-Z will come to no harm.”

But he was worrying, and even Kazuichi could see it. His searching was becoming frantic, his usually careful hands clumsy, so he knocked things off their shelves and forgot to tidy up or close doors behind them. He started running between buildings and bushes, long coat billowing, calling out for his lost hamster.

“Gundham! Hang on a second,” Kazuichi gasped. “I can’t breathe!”

Surprisingly, Gundham did as he was told, leaning against a palm tree in the shade. He wrapped his arms around his chest, pale fists gripping his dark coat. His carefully styled hair was starting to droop in the heat, and his face was very pink. Kazuichi had never seen so much colour in his cheeks before. The three remaining hamsters cowered inside Gundham’s scarf, sensing his anxiety.

Kazuichi went to lean beside him, wiping the sweat off his own forehead. He didn’t know how Gundham managed in his black clothes every day.

“We’ll find him,” Kazuichi said again. “Ibuki and Twogami and Mahiru said they’d look. And Miss Sonia looked like she was going to cry when I told her Maga-Z was missing. She said she wouldn’t rest until he was found.”

“She has a good heart,” Gundham said softly.

“Yeah…” Kazuichi paused. “Hey, you didn’t say anything nice like that about me. I’m the one who’s been running around with you in the baking sun for hours.”

Gundham didn’t respond. He’d been talking a lot less in the past twenty minutes or so, though he’d originally been giving incomprehensible orders to Kazuichi every two minutes. Souda assumed he was just growing more concerned for Maga-Z the longer he was missing - so he was caught off guard when Gundham slumped over and fell limply against him, almost bringing them both to the floor.

“Dude!” Kazuichi managed to catch hold of Gundham. “What are you doing?”

Perhaps Gundham didn’t know what he was doing either, because he had a look of sheer bafflement on his face. He tried to pull himself upright, clinging to the rough bark of the palm tree, but each time he wobbled dangerously and Kazuichi had to grab onto him again.

“What is this..? I appear to be reacting negatively to your mortal world’s atmosphere.” His usually forceful speech came out laboured and slow, and Gundham placed a hand to his lips in surprise.

“What? You’ve been surviving in this atmosphere for ages already,” Kazuichi argued. “What’s up with you? You sound drunk. Can you tell me in plain English?”

“The temperature in this godforsaken land exceeds even the fiery bowels of hell,” Gundham hissed, having to cling to Kazuichi to stay upright.

Kazuichi took a second to disentangle Gundham’s web of fancy words. “Sooo… you’re too hot. I guess that makes sense. Who wears a black coat and a scarf in this heat? And I know you haven’t had any water since we started searching. I’d better take you back to your cabin,” he sighed.

“Unhand me this instant, you fiend!” Gundham growled, though he was the one using Kazuichi like a walking stick. “I could never rest while one of my Dark Devas of Destruction is unguided.”

“Well they’ll all be unguided if you get heatstroke and drop dead,” Kazuichi said. “Half the island is searching for Maga-Z - and I’ll go back out to keep looking as soon as I can, okay?” As much as Gundham might get on Kazuichi’s nerves sometimes, he didn’t want him to get really sick or hurt. He hoped Maga-Z had enough sense not to wander into the sea or something; Gundham would be crushed.

“Hmm.” Gundham didn’t look convinced.

“Your other three ham- I mean Devas probably need to cool down a bit too,” Kazuichi tried.

Another pause. “Very well,” Gundham sighed. “I shall retire to my artificially cooled domain until the effects of this oppressive atmosphere wear off. I trust you to ensure the search continues.” He turned on his heel and tried to walk on his own, staggering alarmingly.

“Hey, careful!” Kazuichi ran to steady him. “I told you I’d help you.”

Gundham slapped his hands away. “Fool! Have you forgotten I am cursed with poison?”

“Oh for God’s sake! Could you just give an inch for once! Why do you make everything so difficult?” Kazuichi cried exasperatedly.

Gundham stuck his chin in the air and started berating Souda again - but before he’d even finished the first sentence his words died away. He blinked several times, looking dazed, swaying where he stood.

“Gundham..?” Kazuichi said nervously.

Gundham didn’t respond. He took another few staggering steps towards his cabin, then crumpled as his knees gave way under him. Kazuichi cried out and hurried to catch him, their foreheads bashing together painfully. Gundham’s skin was clammy and damp, his face looking much more… alive than usual. Kazuichi realised it was because his pale makeup was running.

“Fucking hell, Gundham,” Kazuichi groaned, hauling one of Gundham’s arms around his shoulders. “Just hold onto me, okay? Try not to pass out.”

Surprisingly, Gundham nodded, staring down at his feet like it was taking a huge effort to make them move. It was clear he was trying to be helpful, but Kazuichi had to carry a lot of his weight and they were both breathless by the time they reached Gundham’s cabin. Kazuichi breathed a sigh of relief as the wall of cool air conditioning washed over them.

“Thank God for that,” he mumbled, dumping Gundham onto the bed. It was carefully made, which Kazuichi had never understood; why bother making your bed when you were just going to mess it up every night? The entire room was neat, though the giant cage meant it rather smelled like hamsters. “Right, get your coat and scarf off.”

Gundham glared at him viciously.

“Oh, that’s the thanks I get, is it? Well, no matter how annoying you might be, you’re overheated. No wonder, wearing that stupid dark coat. So get it off.” Kazuichi grabbed Gundham’s arms and yanked the coat sleeves off like he was undressing a sulky toddler. Gundham hissed a series of furious curses at him - one of which sounded like Latin, which was actually pretty impressive - and the three remaining hamsters hopped out onto the bed, startled.

“There. Was that so hard?” Kazuichi said silkily when Gundham was lying on the bed in his shirt and scarf, glaring. Kazuichi tried to take the scarf off too, but Gundham’s hissed threats became more vehement and he gave up. “Fine, keep it on then. Though I don’t think the gothic look is very sustainable in a tropical climate, man. Right, I’m going to get you something to drink.”

Gundham didn’t respond until Kazuichi had returned with a cup full of water from the bathroom. “I shall take advice from one with such abysmal fashion sense as yourself with a grain of salt, fiend,” he said, with as much dignity as he could muster while tomato-red and damp with sweat on his bed.

Kazuichi had to fight very hard not to pour the glass of water directly over Gundham’s head, but he just about managed to help him drink it instead. Then he grabbed the little fan from the bathroom and placed it by Gundham’s bed, dampened a cloth and slapped it rather unceremoniously on his forehead. Gundham yelped and glared again, water trickling down his temples. Good. Serves him right for that earlier comment. “There. Keep your head back or you’ll smudge your eyeliner. And don’t move. I’ll try to find Mikan while I’m looking for Maga-Z, okay?”

Gundham turned his face away, cupping one hand over the Devas protectively. He mumbled something into the material of his scarf.

“What?” Kazuichi asked.

“I said I am grateful for your assistance…”

“Oh.” Kazuichi was surprised. He’d never heard Gundham acknowledge he needed any help before - though maybe that was Kazuichi’s own fault. He’d been the one to start up the whole stupid rivalry thing (which wasn’t ever a rivalry in the first place since the girl wasn’t remotely interested). Maybe this was a step towards a reconciliation.

“I mean, I wasn’t gonna leave you to die,” Kazuichi added awkwardly.

“You are far more tolerable when you do not echo the Dark Queen like a parrot. I once believed you had no real mind of your own,” Gundham said bluntly.

Kazuichi flushed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You made yourself an extension of the Dark Queen. You never disputed her or challenged her. You agreed with her every word.”

“Well… I wanted her to like me,” Kazuichi mumbled. “Look, you don’t need to lecture me about all this. You know I’ve left Sonia alone.”

“Indeed. But you still wish to befriend her?” Gundham asked. Even weak and overheated as he was, his eyes were burning into Kazuichi’s with such a fierce intensity he had to look away.

“That’s her choice. Why are you asking all this?”

“If you still seek a friendly companionship with the Dark Queen, you should not forget she is a mere powerless mortal,” Gundham said. “She does not wish to be treated like she is extraordinary. She does not wish to be around those who only agree to please her.”

Kazuichi stared at him. Was Gundham really offering advice? Was this a weird way to repay him for helping out? It was pretty embarrassing to be given advice on how to make friends from Gundham, who openly distrusted everyone - but he was friends with Sonia. Maybe even something more, Kazuichi honestly didn’t know. He’d tried to stay away from Sonia as much as possibly, partly because he wanted her to be more comfortable and partly because he was pretty fucking embarrassed by his past behaviour. But he would like to be her friend. Nothing else - he knew that wouldn’t ever happen - but friends was good.

“Now make haste!” Gundham suddenly cried, making Kazuichi jump. “Continue the search! I shall rejoin you as soon as I am able.”

“No, rest. Don’t move and especially don’t put your coat on again. I’ll find Maga-Z,” Kazuichi said quickly. He dashed outside before Gundham could protest, groaning as the sticky heat wrapped around him once more.

He started searching again, after taking a quick detour to Mikan’s cabin to ask if she could go check on Gundham and make sure he hadn’t gone out into the sun again. Almost everyone on the island was searching now, splitting off into little groups to cover more ground. Nagito was one of the last to join in - and Hajime and Kazuichi watched in astonishment as he shifted the very first box he touched in the storage room of the old building and pointed. “There he is.”

“WHY didn’t I ask him first?!” Kazuichi practically screamed.

“Ultimate Luck seems a pretty useful talent,” Hajime murmured to him, not wanting Nagito to hear. It’d only start him off on a long self-deprecating rant. “Go on then, Kazuichi. Get him.”

Kazuichi peered behind the box on his hands and knees. Maga-Z was cowering in the corner, fur dishevelled and standing on end. He didn’t look too friendly. “Why do I have to grab the stupid hamster?” Kazuichi whined. “You grab him, Hajime. I don’t like them. They look like they know too much.”

“What are you on about?” Hajime sighed. “It’s just a hamster. You can’t be scared of a hamster, Kazuichi.”

“They’re Gundham’s hamsters. They probably like… worship the devil or something.”

“Hamsters don’t worship anything. They’re just hamsters.”

“Can I go now?” Nagito asked, looking like he was losing braincells just listening to this conversation.

“Yeah, thanks, Nagito. Unless you fancy grabbing this hamster,” Kazuichi said. He looked hopeful, but Nagito left without another word.

“I’ll do it,” Hajime said, exasperated. He reached behind the box to ease his hand underneath Maga-Z, but as soon as his fingers brushed fur, the hamster made a mad dash forward. Directly towards Souda. He squealed and hastily cupped both hands around Maga-Z, holding him at arm’s length. “Oh my God, oh my God, I got him… Oh God, he’s gonna bite me, I know he is,” Kazuichi whined.

“Hey, good job,” Hajime said, surprised. “I didn’t think you’d catch him.”

“I’m not a baby, Hajime,” Kazuichi huffed. Then he whimpered in a very childish way. “Ugh, he’s wriggling around. Can I… put him somewhere? A bag or something? I don’t trust him.”

“Just shove him in your pocket and let’s go. It’s boiling in here. And Gundham will be stressing about Maga-Z. Do you know where he is?”

“I had to put him to bed because he nearly fainted. He was running around in his black coat all day.”

Hajime rolled his eyes. “Nobody on this island has any self-preservation skills.”

“At least Maga-Z is okay.” Kazuichi studied the little ball of fluff cupped in his hands. Somehow his little ink drop eyes did look menacing. “Hey, he really does look like he wanted to go off and cause chaos on his own, doesn’t he?”

Hajime gave Kazuichi a look. “I think you’ve spent too much time with Gundham today.”

Thankfully, Gundham was still in his room and looking a lot better, though still very visibly agitated. His colour had returned to ghostly pale (he must’ve reapplied his makeup) and his eyes were far more focused - they snapped to the door right away when Hajime opened it. When he saw Kazuichi, his hands still full of wriggling hamster, his brow cleared.

“Take him, quick!” Kazuichi said, hurrying over to the bed. “I’m sure he wants to bite me.”

“You fiend,” Gundham murmured, taking the hamster. For a second Kazuichi was offended, thinking Gundham was calling him names when he and Hajime had been nice enough to bring the hamster back, but then he realised Gundham was talking to Maga-Z. He spoke to them in exactly the same way he spoke to his classmates, no silly mushy voices like most people did with cute animals.

“I can only pray you have not caused too much destruction while unsupervised,” he murmured, smoothing Maga-Z’s fur. The hamster sat up to greet him like a little puppy, and Kazuichi noticed for the first time that Maga-Z’s cheeks were bulging.

“Did he really run off just to steal food?” Kazuichi groaned. “We’ve been so stressed and he was just eating!”

“Ah yes, a feast befitting the magnificent Crimson Steel Elephant,” Gundham said, gently placing Maga-Z with the other hamsters. They circled him joyfully, happy to be reunited too.

Kazuichi threw his hands up exasperatedly. “I give up. You’re all nuts.”

Gundham turned to Kazuichi, his face solemn. “I am deeply indebted to you, as is everybody who resides on this island. I cannot speak of the terrors that may have occurred if Maga-Z was without guidance. I shall spread the story of your triumph to every other mortal here so they can show you due gratitude,” he said.

“Oh… Thanks, man.” Kazuichi could see he meant well, but the thought of Gundham telling everyone Kazuichi saved the island from a hamster’s destruction was pretty embarrassing. He could already see Hajime smirking out of the corner of his eye.

“You should stay inside a bit longer though,” Hajime said. “Just in case. You need to make sure you’re totally cooled down.”

“Indeed. I have had ample excitement for one day,” Gundham said.

“Me too,” Kazuichi mumbled.

“If you’re feeling better, you can tell everyone about Kazuichi saving the island over dinner,” Hajime said, grinning. Kazuichi glared at him.

“Asshole,” he muttered as soon as they were outside Gundham’s cabin.

Hajime burst out laughing. “Maybe he’ll make you sound really gallant and fearless when he tells it.”

“Then everyone will know it’s a lie right away. And anyway, Nagito saw what happened. Even if you don’t give away the real story, he’ll definitely tell.”

“Probably. But you did save his hamster, even if you weren’t that fearless about it. Is there a truce between you two now?”

“I suppose so. He’s not so bad. Crazy and dramatic and difficult… but okay,” Kazuichi admitted. He paused. “I don’t know what half of the words he uses mean though.”

“Yeah,” Hajime agreed. “I don’t either.”

[wonderlustlucas]

four - hwang hyunjin

⇢ prompt They say good things come in fours. Who? Couldn’t tell you, but they especially do during Christmas. Maybe that’s just Saint Nick. ⇢ pairing hyunjin x female reader ⇢ word count 11.7k ⇢ genre fluff ⇢ warnings swearing. mentions of alcohol & s e x. teenagerz being teenagerz. insane amount of fluff & stupidity. kind of ends w a smutty cliffhanger. ⇢ summary After suppressing how you felt about Hyunjin back in high school, you thought you were done going back on your feelings. Turns out, a little time apart, the spirit of Christmas, and an accidental nap is the perfect cocktail for falling in love with your best friend.—friends to lovers!au ⇢ a/n hello & merry christmas! here is a gift for you all on this very merry day. also, thank you for 1,000 followers! that in itself is one of the best presents i could ask for. thank you for all your kindness & support on my blog & for following me in the first place! it truly means so much to me. i hope you enjoy reading! ♥︎

big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇[now] Sorry! I just woke up

big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇[now] Whats wrong fool

big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇[now] Did u rlly think 12 texts were gonna wake me up?🤦🏻‍♂️ godt damn u on some WACK shit

You roll your eyes in time with each consecutive text that Hyunjin sends, waiting for the lock screen of your phone to blacken after reading them. He’s about as useless as pedals on a wheelchair, you think, ignoring the texts and forcing the device into the snug back pocket of your jeans before transferring the last two excessively packed grocery bags into the trunk of your car with an exhausted huff. Christ, if the bagging lady put one more item in those bags, she would be the one to blame for six cans of soup rolling about the parking lot.

The license plate rattles when you slam the trunk lid closed before hurrying around to the driver’s side and anxiously hopping inside to start blasting the heat. It is obnoxiously chilly for the first of September. Well, not really. Your body is just beginning to get used to the ungodly wrath of summer’s sweltering heat leaving you in a constant state of sweat and nausea for the past three months. Not that you’re complaining, of course. You nearly did somersaults of joy when the morning news reported a temperature of sixty-one degrees with some wind gusts and welcomed the beginning signs of autumn with open arms.

You would never admit to Mom who told yo uon the way out to change out of a tank top or at least wear a jacket, but yes— you are, in fact, cold. But now you have godsent warmth blowing from the vents and the seat warmer on its highest setting beginning to thaw away the goosebumps painted on your skin. Giving your arms one last rub, you lean up enough to retrieve your phone and open the conversation with Hyunjin.

[2:37 PM] YN: please. smell my balls

[2:37 PM] YN: nothings wrong btw. i was GOING to ask if u wanted any specific snacks for tn buttttt someone didn’t answer

[2:37 PM] YN: and excuse u i called too. i may be an idiot but im not stupid

[2:38 PM] YN: ik u would never hear a text when ur having wet dreams of yeji

You stop there with a smug smirk when the three dots on his side appear, knowing you’ve hit his funny bone with this one.

[2:38 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: Bruh

[2:38 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇 :I’ve literally never have had a wet dream ab Yeji pls stop

You cannot fight your shit-eating grin, thumbs circling over the keyboard in thought as he apparently deletes whatever other text he was going to send when the three dots disappear.

[2:38 PM] YN: mmhmmmm

[2:38 PM] YN: because last time you slept over you weren’t whimpering her name in ur sleep

[2:38 PM] YN: sureeeee

You decide to end your teasing there and continue once you’re home. It is starting to get late, after all, and Mom will begin to worry that the creepy employee always in aisle sixteen has abducted you. Plus, you’re cruel and like to watch Hyunjin suffer. Switching the ringer off, you throw your phone into the cupholder and drastically lower the heat and turn off the seat warmer. It’s starting to feel like a sauna in here, and not in a fun way. Can’t understand how anyone enjoys hanging out in a sauna to begin with anyway, but to each their own, you guess.

In the five-minute drive it takes until you are pulling into the driveway, Hyunjin calls three times. He is incredibly peeved at your lack of a response to his distressed texts and still wound up from your text about Yeji. As if! You’re already a clown not realizing his ever-growing affections for you, but to think he had a crush on Yeji? You’re the whole damn circus!

By the time he calls a fifth time, now sat up on his elbow in bed and strumming an annoyed beat of his fingers at his thigh because he really just wants to yell at you for being the most annoying person alive (and maybe to hear your voice, too), you have brought in the last of the bags and look to Mom who has started to put the groceries away and expects you to half-heartedly do the same.

“It’s Hyunjin. He’s having an existential crisis because I haven’t answered his texts,” you explain to her, unenthusiastically holding your phone as it vibrates against your palm. Half of you wants her to ask to finish putting everything away first just so you can torture him even longer. Alas, such extravagant wishes are denied, because when it comes to Hyunjin, your parents would undoubtedly throw you under the bus just to keep that boy happy. And so, just like any other time, Mom’s undying love for Hyunjin has her dismissing you from the kitchen with a hearty laugh.

“Jesus Christ! What?” You hiss, halfway up the stairs when you tap to answer his call on the last ring.

“Wow! Look who finally decided to answer!” Hyunjin shouts back, the swoosh of his sheets once he finally falls back against his pillow again rustling all too loudly through the phone. “I was driving,” you spit, marching into your bedroom and collapsing against your bed, the same rustle of your blankets sounding loudly into his ear. “There’s a thing called the speaker, ___. Ever heard of it?” He retorts, evidently shutting you up and he knows he won this round if your silence is anything to go by.

“Whatever,” you groan, using all your toe strength to kick the sneakers off your feet by their soles, “what was so important that you couldn’t wait and had to call me five billion times?”

“I had a question. And you hurt my feelings.” Well, shit. You can practically hear and see his pout through the phone and your heart positively swells in your chest at how undeniably, unjustifiably cute he is. You sigh.

“I’m sorry for making fun of you about Yeji. I’m going to do it again but next time I promise I won’t pull the wet dream card,” you apologize frankly; because, in all honesty, it would be worse to say you are not going to do it again when you most certainly will. Bullying Hyunjin is fun, what can you say?

Hyunjin heaves an exasperated breath from his lungs because he knows there is no point in arguing with quite possibly the most sarcastic human he knows and that’s the best form of an apology he’s going to get. Whatever. He’ll make sure to wipe his morning snot and droll on your shirt in the morning. “Anyway,” he grumbles, in the background you hear Kkami bark from a few rooms over, “I was going to ask if you wanted to come over my place instead? I know your parents probably want to see me and stuff but mine are out of town for the night so we can sleep in my bed until like three without Mom waking us up to force feed breakfast.” You roll your eyes. Of course your parents want to see him.

“Plus, Mom just put that grey comforter I know you really like on my bed so we can cuddle all night and watch stuff on YouTube,” he quickly adds as a convincing afterthought. He’s really got his sales pitch going on this one. Truth is, you have only slept in his bed with that stupidly soft blanket twice last winter break, but it’s still sweet that he remembers how much you loved it (aka how quickly you fell asleep and how grumpy you were being woken up because it’s just that darn cozy). Either way, you would never pass up an opportunity to snuggle up with Hyunjin in the comfort of his own bed with his citrusy, floral scent on the pillows luring you to sleep.

“My Mom is going to be heartbroken, Hyunjin,” you tease, “but who cares. You had me sold at sleeping until three. Do you still want me to bring the snacks I got?”

“Oh, thank God. I love your Mom’s cooking but I haven’t left bed all day and I really want to keep it that way. And yes, please. I’ve been eating dry cereal for the past two hours.”

“Hyunjin, have you brushed your teeth yet?”

“No. Didn’t you just hear me? I said I’ve been in bed all day. Eating cereal. When would I have brushed my teeth?”

“You’ve officially taken breakfast in bed to a whole new level, Jin. I’ll see you in a few hours. Oh, and please, you have no concept of personal space so make sure you brush your teeth before I come over.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Love ya, bye,” Hyunjin promptly hangs up, probably eager to get back to binging whatever drama he’s watching before you lecture him about his hygiene again. Not that it matters, anyway; chances are, it went in one ear and right out the other and you’re going to drag him out of bed later to brush his teeth.

Damn. You didn’t even get the chance to say love you back. Not that it matters.

It doesn’t, you quickly shut down the pesky thought that keeps you up at night and force it back into the storage part of your brain labeled ‘Deal with Later,’ because, really, you’ll have to think about that later. It’s not that you don’t want to think about it yet… you just don’t have the time to stop and really figure out what your feelings toward Hyunjin actually are. Yeah. That’s it.

And now isn’t the time, you tell yourself, scooting up the mattress in order to bury your face in the pillows to suffocate the pounding throb in your head. Hyunjin is nothing special.

Well, no. That’s a lie. Everything about Hyunjin is special. Anyone with eyes, ears, even a nose can sense that. You had quickly found out just how wonderful he is when you met him freshman year of high school. At the time, he was everyone’s sweetheart by the first day, but it just so happened his eyes were all on you.

He was obviously adorable, and every class you had together he always made a point to talk to you and returned your sarcasm with an impressive level of expertise. So, when it came to him asking you to the first homecoming, the answer was yes without a second thought. But during the last slow dance of the night, with his hands gently holding your waist, he at last listened to his conscience and revealed that as much as he liked you, he truly did not want to date in high school. Or right then, at least. And honestly, you were glad; Hyunjin was quite possibly your favorite person you had met thus far, and you would have rather kept him as a friend than commit to a relationship the second month of school and risk losing him later down the road.

And boy, keep him as a friend you did. As it turned out, Hyunjin grew to be your truest, best friend in high school. Sure, you each had your own friend groups, but the two of you were the iconic pair everybody knew. But strictly platonic, despite the rumors and wishes that went around for the next four years. You like to think that neither of you ever developed feelings past what everyone feels toward their best friend— an innocent, wholesome sort of love.

But when had things changed? Hormones, as always, were definitely a big part of it. Hyunjin was always a cutie, but it wasn’t until he grew into his own skin and developed a newfound confidence did you start to see him differently. Until everyone saw him differently. Neither of you missed the way people stared him down, pupils dilating every time he ran his fingers through the black tufts of his hair, hearts aching for some sort of interaction. Or when you started attending parties, groups of girls would fling themselves at him in a blundering disarray, most of which he would turn down with a gentle dismissal that flew over their heads, too drunk to actually care.

But then there were times his dick made the decision for him, desperation and deprivation weighing in on him and you’d watch with a tight jaw as he’d leave the room with the pretty girl of the night skipping after him. You never realized it was only on those nights did you wind up in the back seat of Han Jisung’s car.

But even after the physical attraction sizzled out over time, things were not the same. Hyunjin wasn’t your hidden little treasure anymore. All eyes were set on him and it took more than a glass of water to swallow your jealousy. But why? Why were you so resentful all of a sudden?

It’s hard to share Hwang Hyunjin, you decided. Once established that you were his main hoe and he was yours, it became a significant burden watching others try and get in between. Not that they did it with a malicious attempt to separate you, but it still hurt. You’re selfish, and you admit it— Hyunjin, quite frankly, is the love of your life. Romantic or not, nothing could change your feelings toward him. It goes beyond his unfathomable beauty and spunky personality. Everything about him from his nose to his hands, to his distaste for onions and the way his face scrunches up when he lets out that giggle of his and even to the way he prefers to sleep against the wall but will force you to when you’re over so he can “protect you in case there’s a monster” all mount into this big, giant section of your heart set aside for Hyunjin.

So despite your efforts to ignore the pang of jealousy each time he would find a potential someone or the joy whenever he’d find his way back because “they kept wanting to hang out in the morning even though I said I don’t wake up before noon,” this Hyunjin-shaped hole in your heart seems to only grow the longer you ignore it. Kind of like every medical condition out there: the longer you ignore it, the worse it gets. So, basically Hyunjin is your heart disease.

Yikes. Sounds a lot worse when you try putting it into words.

Well, he won’t be your heart defect for long if he keeps ruining those pearly whites of his by only brushing once just before bed, you chuckle to yourself, rolling to your side at the sudden lack of oxygen between your face and the pillow. There’s a fleeting moment without thought when you unconsciously reach for your phone to check for any notifications before the fattest revelation of them all falls from the ceiling and smacks you right upside the face.

Shit. Looks like you’ve gone right ahead and totally dissected each and every fiber of your feelings for Hyunjin.

Blinking up at the ceiling, the weight of your emotions isn’t as heavy as you expected them to be. Instead, it’s more of a breath of fresh air, as if you have finally accepted the way things fell instead of ignoring them. Your feelings for Hyunjin have always been there. It just took a little effort to get them out.

Nevertheless, it is going to be difficult hanging out with him in a few hours with your exposed emotions still needing to be processed. Especially when he will pull you to his side and keep you nestled there the entire night. Rubbing your temples, you realize it will take some serious self-control to put everything on the back burner and just enjoy the time spent with Hyunjin.

Sighing, you check the time on your phone again. 3:21 and a text from Hyunjin asking if you could bring green tea.

“Mom!” You yell, defeated. “You were right!”

You used to think Hyunjin lived far away. Truthfully, he’s only fifteen minutes away if you go ten over the speed limit. But the only way to get to his house entails driving through the chaos of the mall and town center, which adds an extra ten minutes sitting through traffic no matter the time of day.

Now, Hyunjin’s college campus is two hours away. Well, technically five from you, since you’re almost three hours away in the opposite direction. So you’re lucky if you get to see him once a month with how hectic school becomes and how difficult it is trying to plan to come home the same weekend. Fortunately, it has worked out this semester. And while you should spend this time with your families, they know how much you crave one another’s company as the weeks drag on. The twenty-two minutes it takes getting to each other’s homes is totally worth it.

You expect Hyunjin to tell you to use the key hidden underneath the resin meditating frog statue in the front garden to unlock the front door when you text him you have arrived, but to your utmost surprise, he’s there, awake, to open the door for you.

“Stinky!” You yell, dropping your things on the floor to burry yourself in his embrace, standing on your tippy toes to wrap your arms around his neck in order to really get the full experience of hugging your favorite giant. “Poopy!” He shouts in return, long arms winding tightly around your waist and even going so far as to lift you up a few inches. God. Hate when he does that.

“Why are you up? I thought I’d have to let myself in with you sleeping all your problems away,” you ask, smiling gratefully when he bends down to pick up your bag. “I realized Kkami hadn’t been out all day, so I came down to let him out and find actual food,” Hyunjin explains as he makes way into the kitchen, opening the back door to let said dog back inside. “Aw, poor thing,” you pout, squatting to scratch at Kkami’s neck when he zooms faster than the speed of light to you, “does that mean you brushed your teeth?”

“I did, actually,” Hyunjin snorts right back, scrunching his nose at you before turning away to open the fridge. Sitting on the floor with Kkami in your lap, you take the opportunity to finally get a good look at Hyunjin now that he’s distracted. And of course, he looks good. Really good. Last time you saw him he still was a brunette, a look he rocked during the spring and summer months. This is the first time you’ve seen the freshly dyed black hair in person. Even though he always looks handsome, something about Hyunjin with black hair completely changes his aura. Brings back memories of how badly you wanted him in high school. You shiver at the thought.

And, to top it all off, how he manages to stay in such disgustingly good shape despite his atrocious eating habits never ceases to amaze you. Like, come on. The boy eats worse than a raccoon seven days out of the week, lives off boba, works out maybe five times a month, dances in his free time and still keeps his body in tiptop shape. God, you hate him. His pediatrician probably hates him, too. You even go as far as to sniff the fries in your dining hall and you gain five pounds.

Even now, he looks unnecessarily regal in the baggy material of his sweatpants and flannel. And the warmth of his kitchen’s ambient lighting does nothing to suppress the heavy thumping of your heart. So casual is his dress, yet how immaculate he looks rummaging the cabinets for a snack.

“Are you hungry?” He asks, the familiar softness of his voice shaking you from your daze as he closes the refrigerator door after his unsuccessful search. Here’s the thing: you really aren’t hungry, but Hyunjin clearly is, so if you say no then all he will be thinking about is food until you decide that you are hungry. “Yeah,” is what you say, nudging Kkami off your crossed legs to stand, “I brought green tea and a few snacks, but we could order Chinese food or something. The place near Dunkin’ and the gas station makes bubble tea now, too.”

Hyunjin’s brows shoot up, flashing his boxy smile. “Is it good?”

“I mean, I’ve only had their pork dumplings and mango tea before, and it was pretty good. I don’t know about their noodles or anything, though,” you shrug, moving to stand beside him at the kitchen island. Distracted by Kkami trying to jump onto the sofa in the living room, you don’t look to Hyunjin until the poor dog is successful in doing so. Startled to find him already gazing down at you, your heart truly is not prepared for him to go right ahead and wrap his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. Totally not freaking out or trying to overthink his need to constantly cling, you justify his actions by quickly recalling the time he said, “My head is too godtdamn big for my godtdamn body.” More like his head is too heavy because instead of a brain it’s just a chunk of cement up there. He just needs to rest his head sometimes.

Yeah.

“Mm, I don’t know,” Hyunjin hums, swaying your body with his to an unheard tune. By now, any coherent thought has dissipated into thin air and all you can do is melt against him. “Why?” You manage.

“’Cus if we order anything that means I’ll have to get up and get it.”

“Oh my God, Hyunjin, really?” You laugh. Your hands naturally glide to where his are linked at your stomach, pressing to interlock your fingers overtop his. “If that’s the only reason for your uncertainty than I could always come get it, idiot.”

“No! It’s okay,” Hyunjin says, jumping back before you can even process it, “I’m not that hungry anyway.”

“Ohhh ‘kay,” you laugh breathlessly, whiplashed by the whole thing. Good thing you aren’t hungry, because when was the last time Hyunjin turned down food? Blinking at him precariously, he doesn’t seem to notice until one too many seconds of silence pass by.

“C’mon,” he demands excitedly, jumping back into reality, “my roommate told me to watch this anime called Soul Eater but I wanted to watch it with you.” Once again, before anything can even register past every single That Was Cute™ alarm ringing in your brain, Hyunjin is grabbing your bag and reaching for your hand, leading you out of the kitchen and upstairs.

You and Hyunjin binge aforementioned anime until he falls asleep first around 2 AM, only stopping to order food an hour in (he’s an indecisive man indeed), to get up to retrieve it, and to actually eat while catching up. For most of the night, you are able to forget the way his heartbeat against your back mirrored your own in the kitchen. But then, a little while after you fall asleep yourself, Hyunjin unconsciously shifts closer and you spend another hour blinking at his relaxed hand twitching against your abdomen, trying to keep the hurricane inside your heart at bay.

You can’t make it home October. Hyunjin texted you to let you know he was going to be the third weekend in, and you tried desperately to manage your time in order to make it work. But one group project in chem lead to another paper in psych and before you knew it, your roommate was listening to you sob over a boy and curse out your classes.

September left you emotionally wrecked, to be totally honest. You hate Hyunjin and you hate the way he makes you feel and you especially hate how realizing you have a crush on him makes you unsure if everything he does is his way of hinting he feels the same or if he’s always been this touchy and you are just now recognizing it. So, missing a month of seeing your favorite human being essentially means missing another day of trying to decipher which actions of his go in the Friend list, and which go in the Questionable list. And that, my friend, is unacceptable.

You absolutely cannot not go home this month. November is the calm before the storm (the storm being exams looming the second week of December), and while it would be beneficial maybe staying on campus to continue preparing, you tell yourself going home will be just as helpful. Mental breaks, and stuff. Totally not just to see Hyunjin.

Either way, Hyunjin asks you if you would join him on the seventeenth to go to his second cousin’s christening and you absolutely cannot say no when you know how bored Hyunjin gets at family events when they aren’t for him. And so, fast forward to the third Sunday of November and you are ready to pass out ten minutes after entering the church.

“I’m so happy for you two! I always knew you would last into college,” one of Hyunjin’s aunts exclaims, pinching your cheeks but the only pinch you feel is that of your heart.

Clearly she is misinformed, or just prone to jumping to conclusions but yet again, you can’t really blame her with how couple-y you and Hyunjin are. Past the single tunnel vision of your gaze, you watch her smile falter when Hyunjin goes rigid beside you and oh my God this is the most embarrassing moment of my life, his whole family thinks we’re dating and here we are still stuck in each other’s friendz—

“I’m glad you think so, imo,” Hyunjin suddenly picks up, sneaking an arm around to rest his hand on your hip, tugging you close, “I don’t know what I’ll do if she ever decides to leave me.”

It’s nice to think that he means it, to imagine that you are here not as a tag-along but to join him in a family ceremony because you are part of the family. The thought turns your blood to sugar and everything surrounding you falls apart; you listen to the rest of their conversation without processing it, the precise detailing in the marble pillars blurs into a mass of white, and you still feel his strong hold on the curve of your waist yet you are lost in the swam of possibilities.

How lovely it would be to live up to her assumption. To ‘last into college’ as a couple, not as best friends. To be able to call him yours even when you’re not together, to come home and kiss his lips, to sleep in his bed and it mean more than the laziness of blowing up the air mattress. At some point, he leads you into the third pew to sit beside his parents, and when you greet them with a hug all you can think about is them viewing you as more than their son’s friend.

God, you hate it.

You’re not as religious as Hyunjin and his family. But for the first time in years, you find yourself looking to the crucifix during the service and praying to whoever is up there to give you some strength and patience, because Lord do you need it.

Hyunjin is a funny guy.

Or so he thinks.

It’s not that he isn’t funny. It’s just— compared to your friends Minho or Changbin, he isn’t at the top of the list. When you think of Hyunjin, the first words that pop up are soft, loud, and dramatic.

It’s not that he isn’t funny. He’s just weird.

Insanely, ridiculously weird. For example, the time he called Jeongin a vitamin. Or the time he slapped half a bottle of sunscreen on his face. Or his random bouts of dancing at inappropriate moments. Just to name a few.

After the Baptism, Hyunjin acted like nothing happened. Didn’t even bring it up. Not even a joke. After the ceremony, you joined his family for a luncheon, which just involved the two of you being weird and making peculiar dancing videos on SnapChat with the swirly filter and complaining about school for a few hours until he drove you home. Obviously you stopped for food again on the way.

But that was it. Things went on as normal, and you returned to campus later that night and forced the whole experience to the back of your brain. It was officially grind season, and grind season meant studying for exams. No parties. No boys. And certainly no Hyunjin.

You both were home for winter break in the blink of an eye. And in normal Hyunjin style, he sort of vanished for the first week. Probably catching up on his strict sleeping schedule, you presumed, and accepted the fact that it was going to be a few days before you saw or even heard from him. The only anticipation you felt was wanting to give him his Christmas gift.

After what seems like an eternity away from Hyunjin, you get out of the shower on this fine Saturday before Christmas to find a slew of texts from him.

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: Aloha mamacita

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: How do u feel about getting froyo tn

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: We can get fat and then u can sleepover aaaand

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: We can stare at the wall for a few hours

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: And

[5:53 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: *cough*

[5:53 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: Exchange Jesus gifts

See? Weird. Who wants froyo when it’s thirty degrees out?

[5:53 PM] YN: “aloha mamacita”

[5:53 PM] YN: uHmmmMMM

[5:53 PM] YN: im down mr president

[5:54 PM] YN: why do u want ice cream in winter tho. don’t u want like

[5:54 PM] YN: hot chocolate or seomthing

Obviously not. Two hours later, Hyunjin arrives to pick you up for froyo despite all your efforts in convincing him maybe you could take the train to the city and watch a light show, or simply drive around and swoon over the rich people houses and their Christmas decorations. He didn’t budge. This leads you to your second question of the day: why is it that when you threw on sweats for the occasion you called yourself a hag, but upon entering Hyunjin’s car you make a mental note of how hot he looks when he’s wearing the same exact thing? You groan at the thought. It’s because it’s Hyunjin, of course.

“Bonjour, mademoiselle,” he greets, flicking your forehead once you settle into the seat of his Subaru WRX because he’s a hotshot and likes to flex that he can drive a manual. Not really— the car is absolute garbage by now, having been his Dad’s old car (his Dad likes to flex too, apparently). However, Hyunjin takes care of it enough for it to seem five years old instead of ten, and, either way, watching him work the stick shift is unexplainably hot.

You swat his hand away. “Drive, bitch,” you huff, twisting to buckle yourself in. Once he’s reversed out of your driveway, you glance back to find him fighting against a devilish smirk.

“So,” you start once he has navigated out of your neighborhood. His brow twitches up. “Are you taking Hawaiian and French at school? You’ve been throwing quite a lot of languages at me recently.” Hyunjin shoots you an unamused look. You return it with a wrinkle of your nose.

“Anyway,” he ignores your teasing, pausing to switch gears for whatever reason so he can make it through a yellow light, “how did your exams go?”

“Well, you know…” You trail off, looking to your window. It feels a lot later than eight o’clock. With it getting dark so early in the evening nowadays, it feels as if nighttime is always following you.

“You know… what?” Hyunjin interrupts your daze, concern laced in his voice. “They were fine. I passed everything, I’m just worried about my major,” you explain sadly, barely glancing at him before you are turning back to the window to stare at the moon. Must be nice being a moon. Just get to hang out in the sky watching everyone and being watched.

“I mean, if you want to switch, now’s the time. Better do it now before the second semester,” Hyunjin advises, wise as always. Not really, but he’s right. “What are you thinking of going into?”

Yikes. He’s going to kill you.

“Nursing,” you blurt.

“Oh my Lanta, ___, are you serious?” He groans, stopping at a convenient red light presenting the perfect opportunity for him to smack his forehead on the wheel. Dramatic. “How are you gonna manage that? You’ll practically be two years behind everyone else!”

“I know,” you sigh, throwing your head back on the headrest, “that’s the problem. Bio just isn’t doing it for me. I don’t think I can spend the rest of my life in a lab watching mitosis. I need something more rewarding, so theoretically nursing is a perfect start. I don’t know, though.”

“Why don’t you switch to interior design or something? We could get our own HGTV show, ___,” he says, but you don’t meet his gaze when he glances over because beneath his words, you can sense some serious hopefulness. Interior design would be cool, but you’ve never considered that as a career choice. You once helped your parents pick out everything when they redid a bathroom at home and that turned out great, but as a major?

“I don’t know, man. I’ll have to talk to my counselor about it, I guess,” you shrug, pulling the hood of your sweatshirt over your head and tightening the drawstrings until the material covers your eyes, “why can’t you audition to be a K-pop star or something? I could be your manager. Heck, even your makeup artist. I’ve done your makeup before, remember?”

Hyunjin laughs, loud, and the sound sinks deep into your heart and makes you feel warm all over. Stress? Gone.

For the next few minutes or so, the ride is comfortably quiet. At some point, he turns on the radio and Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” floods your brain and reminds you to look forward to exchanging Christmas gifts later. God, you hope he likes it. You really went out on the sentimental gifts this year.

Hood shielding your vision, you jump when his large hand suddenly comes to grab the top of your head, squeezing hard and you imagine he’s trying to press some hopefulness into your brain. “Hand on the penis stick, Hwang,” you bark, blindly reaching for his own head across the way and pulling his ear when you do so. Good Lord, you hope no one can see into the car because… what.

Hyunjin lets out a giggle this time, reaching to pull you into a headlock and even though he’s got your head shoved up against his sturdy chest and goes on to give you a noogie, you’re stuck being all high and loopy on the sound of his happiness. And hey, it’s nice to know you’re the cause of it.

“We’re literally parked, idiot. If you had your hood down you would’ve realized,” Hyunjin snickers, releasing you after watching you struggle for a few seconds. Jerking away from him, you swiftly pull back your hood. “Oh,” you laugh, reading the flashy Yogo Factory sign above the building in front of you, “you could’ve just told me instead of watching me bask in misery.”

Hyunjin suitably ignores your moaning and groaning by getting out of the car and standing in front of the car, illuminated by the headlights. Why? Why must he look so scrumptious in his black hoodie and grey sweatpants and four-year-old white Nike sneakers? He has no gosh darn right!

After fixing the mess he made of your hair, you at last join him outside the car, shooting him another glare and moving ahead of him to open the shop’s door without waiting for him. “From now on, we have to start texting each other what we’re wearing before we go out, ‘cus this looks a little ri-donk-ulous,” Hyunjin whispers in your ear as you make your way to the cup selection, trying to ignore all the stares you— no, he is getting along the way.

“What do you mean?” You ask, plucking two medium sized cups up before turning to look at him. Then you look down at yourself. Oh. Looks like you’re both wearing the hoodie from junior spirit week. “Nice.” Just Couple Things™!

Back to Hyunjin being weird— why did he drag you all the way out here just to get a cup of chocolate frozen yogurt and maybe half a scoop of peanut butter chips?

Meanwhile, he watches in absolute disgust as you blow through your own dessert. Vanilla yogurt with probably every topping offered because you physically cannot make a decision, especially when they have chunks of cookie dough up there.

“So,” Hyunjin starts, trying not to look you in the eye considering you look like a goblin shoveling globs of diabetes down your throat, “have you talked to Jisung recently?”

You choke on a Fruity Pebble at his inquiry, prompting him to reach across the table and slap your back a few times until your esophagus is cleared. “Ugh,” clearing your throat one last time, you take a few sips of water while shooting him a glare. Jisung? Really? “How dense are you?” You hiss unintentionally.

Hyunjin raises his hands in defense. “Just a question.”

Yeah, just a question. Dumbass. “I mean,” you laugh awkwardly, “not really. We have a streak on Snap and sometimes we’ll talk occasionally but I don’t text him every day or anything. How about you?”

He shrugs, concentrating instead on stirring his yogurt into a goopy mess. “Eh. We still use our group chat a lot but that’s it. He’s too busy making music in Malaysia.”

You chuckle at this, picking out the boba from your own cup and leaving the rest now that it has started to look like something sold at the Chum Bucket. “That sucks,” you offer, not the best at giving him consolidation, you opt for linking your feet around his own in some weird act of intimacy, “isn’t he coming home for the holidays, though? I’m sure you can all have a reunion soon.”

“Yeah, he is,” Hyunjin hums, suddenly too focused on trying to escape your trap under the table. Annoyed Hyunjin is cute. “Stoooop,” he whines, kicking at your shins before breaking into boisterous laughter at your relentlessness, “I will not hesitate to throw this cup at your face.”

“Yeah, right,” you scoff, “I’d like to see you try.”

At this, Hyunjin drops his stupidly long arms beneath the table and easily captures your foot by the ankle, pulling hard enough for you to slip down your side of the booth. “Hyunjin!” You shriek, panicking slightly at your sweaty hand’s insecure grip against the leather. You’re going to fall. You’re going to fall flat on your ass underneath a table at a frozen yogurt place because the boy you like pulled your foot too hard. Fantastic. Ignoring you, he starts to wiggle your shoe off your foot no matter how hard you try to squirm out of his relentless grip. “Stop trying to eat my toes in the middle of Yogo!”

Finally, he releases your foot, letting it fall limp against his thigh.

“God,” you huff, breathless as you squirm back up your seat, cheeks burning ferociously, “you are such an ass.”

Behind the playful smirk he fails to hide, something darker glints in Hyunjin’s eyes and it makes your heart skip a beat. Then, “We should go.” The suggestion makes the heat of your blush scorch even hotter down your neck and you instinctively turn away, only to find the customers on the other side of the shop watching you with just as perturbed looks. Fantastic, part two.

“Okie,” you squeak out, blinking after him in complete and total bewilderment as to what just happened when he gets up to throw his trash away. Whatever. Following after him, you too toss your cup out before quickly finding your hand engulfed by his larger one as he leads you back outside, the sudden sharpness of the cold air bringing tears to your eyes. You desperately want to ask him what that was about, or why he’s acting so sneaky, but you stay silent, too afraid your voice will come out shaky and vulnerable. Instead, you let him tug you into his side and try to keep up with him no matter how badly your knees threaten to buckle with each glance you sneak up at him.

It’s silent when you enter the car, watching warily as he reverses out of the parking spot and maneuvers through the lot. Your heart rate seemingly cannot slow itself down, adrenaline taking the place of oxygen the longer you stare at him, at the concentrated scrunch to his face, at the cute tip of his button nose and at the swell of his lips and you distantly wonder what would happen if you pulled him into a kiss at the next red light.

In the midst of your daydream Hyunjin clears his throat, bringing you back to reality and you realize with a startle that he has caught you. Jesus Christ! What has gotten into you? You mentally smack yourself upside the head, instantly turning away from his cocky little gaze and staring straight ahead in search of something else to focus on. “___,” he sing-songs, slow and sensual and entirely demolishing the walls you have built around yourself. It is at this red light you wish to simply open the door and run.

“Yes?” You manage, wincing at how small your voice sounds and while looking out his window instead of into his eyes, you notice him grip the steering wheel hard enough to turn his knuckles white. The tension is insurmountable, weighing in heavily on your chest and you desperately wish to arrive home, even though that means having to survive the next twelve hours with him. Anything is better than the small confines of his car.

“What do you want to do when we get home?” He asks, cool as a cucumber. You pale. It is a dangerous question and you do not know if he realizes that. “Um,” you cough, scooting to sit up straight, “whatever you want.” You whisper the last part, genuinely petrified because you have absolutely no idea if your brain is twisting everything to make it seem like Hyunjin is flirting or if things are totally normal. No idea.

“Hm,” he offers, tilting his head in thought, “we shall see.”

Yeah. We shall.

The rest of the ride is quiet, comfortably or uncomfortably you cannot say because you are too busy trying to calm the Spongebob burning office scene occurring inside your own head, hopelessly telling yourself that everything is fine, Hyunjin’s fine, you’re fine. Just pretend like nothing happened, you tell yourself when Hyunjin pulls into his driveway with practiced ease. “Ugh,” he groans after retrieving your bag from the back seat, and you watch with a raised brow as he skips up to his porch, yelling, “I have to pee!”

“Begone with you, piss boy,” you tease, holding the screen door open for him as he struggles to unlock the storm door and pulling on one of his hoodie’s drawstrings just to annoy him. “Stop,” he growls, low and playful but nevertheless sending a swarm of butterflies to your tummy. You ignore him. Finally unlocking the door, Hyunjin shoves the keys into his pocket and seizes your wrist, yanking your arm down with enough force to nearly topple you into him. “Why are you being so annoying tonight?” He frowns at you, nose and brows scrunched in irritation and it is only because of his proximity do you finally soften up.

“Sorry,” you pout back, bringing your other hand up to boop his nose, “I just missed ya.”

“Ew,” he snorts, stepping past the threshold and kicking off his shoes. You follow suit, closing the door behind you and clicking the lock into place as Kkami comes sprinting over. “B-R-B,” Hyunjin announces, presumably bouncing away to the bathroom.

“Oh, boy,” you huff, squatting to pick up the fluffy little dog and hugging him close to your chest, “your dad is making my life very difficult.” Pressing a quick kiss to the top of his head, you put Kkami back down and grab your bag before heading upstairs, knowing Hyunjin is going to take his grand old time and probably take a shit while he’s at it. Plus, you’re impatient and dying to take your bra off.

Aside from what light his Gudetama nightlight offers, Hyunjin’s room is ultimately left dark. Here’s the thing: he used to have a lamp on his dresser, but then he took it with him to college and only brings it home for summer because he’s lazy and sleeps the majority of the time he’s home, anyway. Instead, he put up his little remote-controlled Christmas tree in addition to the lava lamp he has beside his bed. Perfect. For Hyunjin, at least.

Switching both of these on, their subtle glow offers just enough to keep you from banging your toe against something. It’s happened one too many times. Hyunjin’s room isn’t messy— he really isn’t a messy person to begin with, but he will reorganize the furniture in his room fifty times a year and you never know where the crooked leg to his bedside table will be to ambush your pinky toe.

Setting your bag onto his bed, you excitedly fumble past all your layers and unclasp your bra, maneuvering out of it with a delighted exhale just as Hyunjin begins his ascent up the stairs, steps creaking loudly under his heavy trudging. “I’m an idiot,” he grumbles, leaning against the doorframe to catch his breath.

You don’t bother to look at him, opting to quickly retort instead, “We been knew.”

“Ugh,” Hyunjin groans, exasperated, and you finally turn to him after successfully jamming aforementioned undergarment into your bag, “anyways. I don’t know why I didn’t just come up here, because I have to wash my face anyway and you do too and now we’re both going to have to share a sink.”

“Aw,” you coo, tone dripping with sarcasm as you pat his arm, “poor baby has to share the bathroom.”

“I’m actually going to strangle you,” he sighs, nevertheless following after you into the bathroom.

“Kinky.”

Hyunjin glares, unamused as he opens a drawer for his pink bow hairband and your striped pink and blue one that he bought for you, but keeps here for sleepovers. Yeah. He throws it to your face. “Sorry,” you offer, pulling the soft headband up to hold your hair back, “I’ll try to stop. I’m just so used to annoying you.”

“Clearly,” he scoffs, flashing his stupidly cute teasing smile and in your head, you imagine raising a white flag in surrender— he’s got you, he’s won, it’s over. Time to call it quits and head home. Evidently shut up (for now), you offer him a roll of your eyes before turning on the sink to wet your hands before pumping out some of his scrumptious watermelon face wash. Maybe if you scrub hard enough, you’ll manage to rinse away all the overwhelming thoughts of the night, too.

Barefaced Hyunjin is immaculate. Well, Hyunjin is immaculate twenty-four hours out of the day, but barefaced, freshly washed, hair messy, ready for bed Hyunjin is immaculate, and you are one of the few people lucky enough to see this eighth wonder of the world as often as you do.

Now, maybe it has something to do with the unexpected ambiance the light from his laptop, Christmas lights, and lava lamp have created together that makes him look so unfairly beautiful at this given moment. Or, you’re just insanely pussywhipped and looking for an excuse. You try not to think about it.

“Why are you so squirmy tonight?” He asks, frustrated enough to interrupt Kermit singing ‘Shawty I don’t mind’ playing from his laptop. “I’m not,” you defend, a weak argument indeed, given that you have just finished adjusting your position beside him for the umpteenth time.

“I mean, four female Ghostbusters? The feminists are taking over! I’m an ad—”

“___, you’ve touched my dick like four times. Don’t try and tell me you’re not squirmy. What’s wrong?” Hyunjin interrupts a second Vine, and even goes on to talk over ‘I have the power of God and anime on my side!’ like a lunatic. Oh Christ, you have? Surely you would have noticed. “Sorry,” you mumble, embarrassed as you bury your face into the curve of his pectoral and instinctively move your leg settled between his away, “I’m just hot, to be honest.” Technically, it is not a lie. Hyunjin’s family definitely keeps their thermostat at a higher temperature than yours and you always manage to sweat your ass off every time you come over. This time, however, you are certain it has more to do with the assault your heart is facing rather than your sweat glands.

At the sound of his tap against the spacebar to pause the video, you wordlessly and reluctantly sit up from your comfortable spot beside him in order to rid yourself of your heavy sweatshirt. Now, here lies the problem. Sweatshirt: off. Nipples: out. Realistically, Hyunjin has seen your boobs a number of times over the past few years, and even if he hadn’t, he probably wouldn’t even bat an eye. But right now, your heart is on the line, you’re embarrassed and you’re trying to play it extremely safe.

You toss the hoodie to the floor and nestle right back where you were anyway, slinging your right arm over his torso and ignoring his sharp intake of breath when you snuggle closer. “Better?” He asks, voice strained and it literally makes you nauseous. “Yep.”

He resumes the video. You had started early in the night watching Pom Poko, which unsurprisingly ended with the two of you crying at the bittersweet ending, then moved to TikTok compilations on YouTube to cheer up before moving on from them and onto the classic Vine compilations. You paid good attention for the most part, chuckling along with him to ‘What up, I’m Jared, I’m nineteen and I never fucking learned how to read,’ ‘Bruh chill, I don’t know why you in a big time rush,’ and all the other absolute comedic masterpieces. But after the fourth or fifth video of the same six second clips with an occasional rare one, you began to grow bored and decided to do what you do best: admire Hyunjin.

Sure, ‘Come get yo juice!’ followed by the loud smash of the oven made you smile, but you found the flashing lights casting shadows beneath Hyunjin’s eyes and lips much more fascinating. Of course, this is not the first time you have been held so close to him. But it is, however, all too easy to get lost in the sight of him and you’ve noticed recently that you are in desperate need of a map. Whether it’s due to your time away from him or simply an appreciation for untouched beauty you do not know.

Even now, your gaze flickers to his laptop once you hear ‘Get to Del Taco,’ but having already watched it five thousand times you tilt your head upward to catch Hyunjin’s silent giggle at ‘free-sha-voca-do.’ It’s a vicious cycle, really, going back and forth between wanting to simply enjoy the night and realizing enjoying the night lies totally in Hyunjin’s presence. And so, you continue to fall into this trap each time until you pay no mind to the videos at all, basking in the brilliance of Hyunjin’s joyous smile and the warmth his happiness makes you feel. It is this thought that slowly tugs you to sleep, a fight to keep your heavy eyelids open lost until finally, you give in to the comfort and allow yourself to drift off to the sound of ‘Step the fuck up, Kyle.’

You think you are dreaming.

You think.

“___,” the softness of Hyunjin’s voice at the crown of your head eases you from the clutches of sleep and you stretch your locked limbs before curling further into his side. “We didn’t open presents.” Even though you can’t see him, you can hear his pout, and you realize you must be awake to hear the disappointed words caught sluggishly between his lips so vividly. You hum, hesitant to open your eyes because you really want to go back to sleep. Just for a little while. And so, you ask, “What time is it?”

“Just past two,” he whispers.

You hum again, trying to formulate a sensible sentence in the parts of your brain still asleep, “We can… wake up at four. And open gifts. Okay?”

“Okay, weirdo,” Hyunjin chuckles to himself, sliding lower down the mattress after shutting his laptop.

You think you are dreaming.

You think.

You can’t remember ever falling asleep facing each other. But yet again, your brain is clouded beyond capability and now, you know for certain you are dreaming. Hyunjin never faces you.

Blinking slowly, it takes a few seconds for your eyes to adjust to the impenetrable darkness and you struggle to make out the features of Hyunjin’s face. You know you are dreaming, and so you tug him closer, throwing a leg over his thigh and an arm over his waist. Even in your sleep, you feel the sadness pricking at your heart, for even it knows this is only what dreams are made of. You like to make the best of it.

“You know I love you, Jinnie, right?” Your voice comes out funny, drawn out and mumbled like your tongue is numb and you fight the urge to feel for yourself.

“Of course I do. I love you too.” His reply surprises you. You thought he was asleep and, either way, hearing such fond words from him puts your heart at ease. He must be misunderstood.

“No. I mean like… I like you, love you. Like I want to kiss you… kiss you good morning and before bed love you. Send you hearts and take stupid couple pics and… go on dumb dates love you. You know?” Your words feel garbled and incomprehensible the longer you go on, trying to express how you feel when nothing is real proving to be increasingly difficult. God, if only you could do it when things are real.

You start to feel yourself slipping as he mutters a reply, mind in free fall and fuck, fuck, fuck, he’s whispering and you can’t hear him but you are too tired and helpless to wake yourself up to hear it. No, too lost in the next dream to go back. You can’t tell what is real and what isn’t. Christ, were you awake? You can’t tell. All you know is that you are warm, so, so warm and letting sleep take over you once more is the best answer to all your questions.

Hyunjin always says he hates waking people up. Because he’s normally the one needing to be awoken, whenever the roles are swapped he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do.

This time, however, he takes it upon himself to repeatedly smack your face with his pillow. Not a fun experience when it’s coming from someone who fails to recognize his own strength. “Jesus, fuck! Okay!” You hiss, the cloud of sleep abruptly ripped away from you with the slap of his pillow against your skin. Arms raised defensively in front of you, you catch his next swing and tear the pillow out of his grasp to shield yourself all before you have even opened your eyes. When you do so, with the blatant intention just to find where he is and hurl the pillow at him, you are met with the harsh light from his ceiling fan and have to squint past the stinging white light to see his shit-eating grin.

“Was that necessary?” You groan, undeniably annoyed and wanting to glare at him more but needing to rub the ache out of your eyes. “Yes,” is all he says, reaching for your bag and catapulting it to you. He is incredibly lucky you are quick enough to catch it before it thumps against your head. What has gotten into him? Did he eat an entire bag of Pixy Stix while you were asleep? You watch, still dazed from sleep and reeling from the whole pillow smacking attack, as he flings open his closet door and turns back around with two neatly wrapped boxes. You squint to make out the dancing Santa T-rex wrapping paper.

“Oh,” you chirp, understanding, and you unzip your bag to retrieve the large box taking up the majority of space, “thanks for waking me up. I’m surprised you remembered. Did you stay up?”

A rosy blush burns its way across his cheekbones. Odd. “I, um— yeah. No, actually,” he stutters, really odd, given he was bouncing off the walls not even thirty seconds ago, “I set an alarm. You made me sleepy.” Hyunjin sits beside you once you have scooted over, leaning against the wall and crossing his long ass legs. He keeps his eyes trained on the boxes in his hands. “Oh,” you hum, looking to your own gift and suddenly wishing for the mattress to swallow you up, “sorry. I haven’t gotten as much sleep as you on break so far.”

“I don’t think anyone ever has,” he jokes and you finally look to him, sharing a cheeky smile before he gets all shy again, tongue darting out to wet his lips, “um, Merry Christmas, ___.”

It’s a simple phrase, but it makes your heart swell. “Merry Christmas to you too, Hyunjin.” Leaning over, you wrap your arms around his shoulders in an awkward side hug, but still end up feeling all drunk and loopy on love when he eagerly returns the gesture, arms curling around you.

“Okay,” you huff, sitting back, “me first.” You dramatically hold your gift out to him, jittery and nervous all over. Buying for Hyunjin is always hard. He’s just so easy to please, but when you want to do more than just please him it’s a constant battle trying to decide how far out you are going to go for him each year.

You watch impatiently as he tears the wrapping paper open first, and then finally lifts the flaps of the box up. “Aw,” he whimpers, pulling out the quokka plushie and attached certificate, “you adopted a quokka for me?”

You grin when he hugs the soft stuffed animal to his chest, the weight on your shoulders partly lifted from his positive reaction. He reaches back into the box, brow scrunched in thought as he regards the framed picture. “The First Day…?” Hyunjin asks, perplexed as he reads the title above the constellation poster. You scoot closer, leaning over to look it over once more. “This was the constellation of stars on our first day of freshman year. The day we first met.”

“Oh,” Hyunjin sniffs, “that’s really awesome, ___. Thank you. This is coming with me to school.” At this, he hugs you again, probably to hide the tears you know are threatening to spill because Hyunjin is Baby and cries every year. “Anything for my favorite fake Aussie,” you smile, leaning your head on his shoulder as he reads through the quokka adoption letter.

“Okay! Your turn!” He exclaims, setting his gifts back into the box and passing you the smaller one of his. He catches your curious glance to the second one he keeps by his side. “We have to open this one together.”

“Christ, okay. Looks like I’m gonna be crying tonight, too,” you sigh sadly. “Ooh,” jumping ahead of yourself, you wiggle your eyebrows at the white box before you, “Hyunjin if you bought me a Fitbit… I swear to God. How many times have I said I am not working out with you?” However, once you finish tearing open the wrapping paper you find it is not, in fact, a Fitbit.

“It’s not a Fitbit, idiot,” Hyunjin scoffs a second too late, waiting for you to slip the lid off the box. “They’re bond touch bracelets.”

“Explain,” you murmur, enamored but confused at the two little house arrest looking bracelets.

“So basically, we each wear one,” Hyunjin starts, taking one of the bracelets out and a burst of color blooms across its small screen at the motion, “and if you touch it, mine vibrates and I ‘feel’ your touch.” As he explains, he buckles it around your wrist, twisting it so it lies correctly. You silently take the second one and help it on him, brain too caught up to actually say anything.

“Try it,” Hyunjin whispers, suppressing his excitement.

You gingerly bring a finger to the little screen, tapping it once, twice. Nothing happens. Frowning, you try again, tapping and holding, then a second time, and finally— a strip of pink light appears and the bracelet gently vibrates as you tap and hold a random pattern. In response, the bracelet on Hyunjin’s wrist lights up blue, buzzing in the same pattern.

“Oh, Hyunjin,” you sniffle, fighting back your own tears because you refuse to let yourself ugly cry in front of him, “this is amazing. Now I can annoy you year-round. Thank you so, so much. I love you so much.” He hums, pulling you close when you turn to give him a proper hug. To your utmost surprise, however, instead of letting go he curls one fist into your side and helps swing your legs over to straddle his lap. “Oh.”

“___,” Hyunjin sighs thoughtfully, fingers playing with the sleeves of your tee, “I love you, too.”

You nearly spit up your coffee. If you were drinking coffee. Instead, you’re left with a dry mouth and a slack jaw at his words. Huh?

Glancing to the constellation picture peeking out of his box, and then to the matching bracelets you both wear, you find your mind reeling trying to make sense of it all. Yeah, you say the forbidden L-word to each another all the time, but most certainly not with you on his on lap and his lips mere centimeters away. The answer is so obviously clear as day you have trouble believing it.

“Fuck,” you laugh all of a sudden, as soon as the realization hits you, “I wasn’t dreaming, was I?”

Hyunjin lets out a joyous giggle, hands linking behind your back. Unable to hide his smile any longer, he clarifies, “You were not, madam. We literally just finished talking about when we were going to open gifts and then I got ready to sleep. Two seconds later you dumped your heart out to me, but when I answered, you were asleep.”

“Bruh,” you wince, hiding your face with your hands, “I am so sorry you had to deal with that.”

“No, don’t be,” Hyunjin comforts, reaching to tug your hands away. Your gut does somersaults when he intertwines his fingers with yours. “I was actually, uh, planning on doing some sort of confession to you anyway, but then you went right ahead and did it for me. So thanks for that.”

“Wow,” you chuckle, trying to wrap your mind around it all, “does that mean you, ahem, perhaps like me too?”

“No, I just got us really couple-y long distance relationship bracelets, pulled you onto my lap, and kissed you because I just want to be friends.”

“You didn’t kiss m—”

The sly little fucker interrupts your retort by quickly dipping down to press a fat smooch to your lips, missing miserably and you don’t know if he did it on purpose but you quickly fix the problem, releasing his hands to cradle his jaw and tilt his head the right angle. Finally, finally you kiss him, breathing in the smell of him like some sort of aromatherapy and whimpering into his mouth when his tongue swipes against your own. It is like nothing you have ever experienced, the taste and feel of him making you tremble and igniting a burst of electricity through your veins. You could kiss him forever, you think, sucking on his plump bottom lip greedily until he finally pulls back, desperate for air or trying to reel himself in you can’t say.

“You have to open your other gift,” Hyunjin reminds, chest heaving, and your gaze follows his long fingers as they comb his hair away from his forehead. Automatically, as if kissing Hyunjin once grants you some kind of free pass to do the same, you brush a few stray strands away from his face before leaning back to admire him. “Stoooop. You can’t do that and not expect me to kiss you again. Open. Your. Gift.” Hyunjin whines, squishing your cheeks and turning your head away.

“Okay, don’t blame this on me,” you huff, reaching for the second box before jabbing a finger into his chest, “you, sir, need to stop being so beautiful for like, two seconds.”

He scoffs, helping you rip off the wrapping paper, “You’re the beautiful one here.”

“Ew,” you wrinkle your nose, most certainly not used to Hyunjin dishing out such compliments, “this is too Hallmark Christmas movie for me. Let me open my gift in peace, ugly.” This box, unlike the bracelets’, is simple cardboard and when you lift open the lid, a brown leather book looks back at you. “You remember Up?” He asks.

On the leather, it reads Our Adventure Book in mismatched colors. “Yeah,” you whisper, flipping open the cover to find two baby pictures glued on the paper, one of Hyunjin, and one of you. At the top, it’s labeled ‘Before Shit Went Down.’ You laugh.

On the next page, there are random photographs from middle school, and then finally each other’s eighth grade graduation portraits. Then, written at the top is ‘Here It Begins,’ followed by a selfie he randomly took with you a few weeks into school freshman year, and then some from homecoming. Silently flipping through the rest of the book, your tears flow freely now, touched beyond comparison at all the photographs and all the memories accompanying them. Some are from large events like prom, others from random moments you don’t even remember, but each and every one comes together to form a special mold fitting perfectly into that Hyunjin-shaped hole in your heart.

The last picture is from the christening last month. Of course, it isn’t one of the nicer photos his mom took of the two of you, but a SnapChat selfie with the flaming sunglasses filter. He’s mid-laugh and you’re pressing a kiss to his cheek. Funny thing is, you don’t even remember taking it.

The page next to it is blank, aside from what’s written at the top of the page. “Togetha Foreva,” you read aloud, voice choked up and God, you cannot fathom how gross you look right now. “What the fuck, man!” You sob, punching Hyunjin’s shoulder before wiping your nose and cheeks with the back of your hands. “I didn’t sign up for this cock and ball torture.”

Hyunjin laughs loudly at this, pulling you into a hug and giving you a few seconds to recover. “Hyunjin, this is like… seriously the best thing anyone has ever done for me, holy shit. God, you Pinterest son of a bitch, this is such a good idea,” you groan, flipping back through the pages and getting teary-eyed all over again, “I can’t express how much this means to me, Jinnie. Thank you, really.”

Flashing that toothy grin of his, Hyunjin tugs you to lie back down with him and tilts your head up to press a much more accurate kiss to your lips. “I meant what I said before, ___,” he murmurs, “I don’t know what to do without you, and I know we only get to see each other once a month but I can’t keep living as just friends. You’re so much more than that. And I hope all the pictures we add from now on will show this new chapter of our lives. If not, well, then I guess I’ll just burn the book.”

“Are you asking me to be Kkami’s official poop-picker-upper?”

“Yes. Wait— what? No!”

You break into a fit of laughter, only to be interrupted with him pinching your side and causing you to let out a yelp. “Hey!” You bark, jumping closer to him and away from his hand until, finally, you give in to your self-indulgence and go right on ahead in swinging a leg over his hips and pinning him beneath you.

“You ruined my serious love speech, ___,” Hyunjin pouts, face scrunched up at you.

“I’m sorry, baby, go on.”

You pause, blinking slowly at him. He blinks back, the silence in the air weighing in heavily as both of your two brain cells bounce around trying to figure out what did you just call him?

“Never mind,” Hyunjin says, voice a low rumble of thunder as he reaches for your hips and easily flips positions, “I think you’re on the same boat.”

You laugh, tilting your head back and eyeing him indignantly. Fuck, he looks unfairly delectable hovering above you.

“Okay, how many more times do I have to tell you I love you for you to formally ask me to be your girlfriend, stupid?” You scowl, bringing your hands to cradle his neck, thumbs brushing delicately against his jaw.

“Call me baby again and we’ll see about making that happen.”

You raise a brow, tugging his face closer by the chain of his necklace. “You’re lucky it’s Christmas, baby.”

[ayatosmlktea]

𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮

Hiraeth (n)  A Welsh word used to describe the feeling of homesickness for a home you cannot return to.

Warnings: Angst, lots of it

A/N: This is my first long fic...honestly I’m proud of it. I never thought I'd ever reach the 5k word threshold but here we are!

@thesilencebeforeastorm​ wrote a second part here, it’s very sweet!

“God it’s like you never listen to me!” Y/N’s complaint grated against Levi’s ears like cutlery scraping across glass plates, her arms crossed over her chest as she leaned against the passenger side door.

“I always listen! It’s you who never wants to hear what I have to say! You know I’m right”! Levi countered through gritted teeth, his grip tightening on the steering wheel as they sped along the dimly light road.

“Are you being serious right now?” Y/N narrowed her eyes at her boyfriend feeling her heart begin to beat harder in her chest. She hated fighting with him, but his arrogant attitude was becoming intolerable.

“Yes! How many times have we had this fucking conversation already?” Levi groaned, his head was throbbing. All he wanted was one night of peace, one night where they could connect without being interrupted. But as usual something just had to go wrong. It seemed that lately all they knew how to do was fight. They weren’t even significant arguments, the smallest inconvenience could send them into a fit, more often than not Levi found himself going to bed long after Y/N had. Not even wanting to sleep in the same bed some nights. He knew from the beginning of her pregnancy that she was going to be emotional, but God there was only so much he could take.

“We wouldn’t need to be having this conversation if you would just fucking chill out for once!” Y/N snapped back the air inside the car suddenly feeling uncomfortably hot, her palms were sweaty and her nails were digging into her skin to prevent angry tears from falling.

“I need to chill out? Okay, fine. When we get home I’ll grab my shit and go chill out.” Levi’s jaw was beginning to cramp from how hard he was clenching it, his foot unconsciously pressing down harder on the gas pedal. The pent up frustrations over the past few weeks were finally coming out all at once.

“Fine! I don’t want to be around you anyway!” Y/N yelled, ignoring the tiny kick against her stomach.

“Great! Then maybe we shouldn’t be together! Since I’m so fucking uptight maybe you should be with someone who doesn’t give a shit!” Despite the harsh words they were throwing at each other, Y/N flinched at this. Things had been bad, but that didn’t mean she didn’t love him. She knew she was being unreasonable but sometimes Levi knew how to push her buttons to the point where she didn’t care how snappy she was.

Levi probably should have stopped venting, the words coming out of his mouth did not at all reflect his feelings. His temper was out of control and his pride was only fueled by her lack of comebacks.

“What the hell is wrong with you! I never said I wanted to be with anyone else! You’re being really irrational right now Levi” Both of them were so caught up in tearing each other apart that the bright white headlights rapidly approaching went unnoticed as they continued to rip into each other.

“Oh I’m being irrational? That’s rich coming from you, miss I need ice cream and pickles right now or else I’m going to cry for the next three hours.” Levi mocked, swerving lights inching closer and closer.

“Well if it bothers you so much then I won’t ask you for anything anymore! If we’re so fucking inconvenient to you then don’t bother! Take your shit and go!”

“Sometimes I wish I’d never met you!” The blaring horn pierced their ears, eyes widening in horrific realization that there was no time to react. The sound of glass shattering and tires screeching drowning out panicked screams.

“Hey babe!” Levi called out as he removed his shoes, the house was oddly quiet. Most of the lights were turned off, usually by the time he got home Y/N was cooking dinner with the tv on in the background. She never liked being home alone without having background noise to keep her company. Levi flicked the living room light on, nothing seemed to be out of place, an occurrence that was rare. Y/N would typically lounge out in front of the tv with a snack or two before he got home. Walking down the hallway to their bedroom he was surprised to find her in bed, not one to take naps regularly Levi began to worry that she was sick. Sitting down on the edge of the bed his fingers gently caress her cheeks, pulling back once they were met with something wet. Y/N was...crying? But why?

“Baby what’s wrong?” He asked in a soothing whisper, brushing strands of damp hair away from her face. Levi was on edge, he couldn’t even begin to imagine what was making her upset, their relationship had been going so well.

“I’m sorry” she cried, bringing her hands up to her face turning her body farther away from him.

“What do you mean you’re sorry? What happened?” Levi’s palms were becoming clammy with panic, he tried keeping his voice steady knowing that it was only going to make her freakout even more.

“It’s my fault!”

“What’s your fault? Tell me what’s going on?” Levi pulls against her shoulders rolling her onto her back. Bile creeps up his throat as he stares at her bloody face, shards of glass jutting out from her skin, tears stream down her cheeks mingling with the crimson liquid. Levi wants to say something but his tongue feels like lead.

“Wake up! You’re dying!” Y/N’s body is suddenly towering over him, drops of blood falling onto his face.

“You have to wake up!”

Gasping in short breaths of air Levi’s eyes hazily open, white lights too bright for him to stare into make his head throb. He was moving, but where.

“He’s conscious!” Someone shouts too loud for Levi’s liking.  Masked faces hover above him, they’re moving too. Levi’s throat feels like sandpaper as he groans, Levi tried to turn his head to the side but found himself unable to.

“Don’t try to move sir” One of the masked figures said reassuringly, but Levi felt anything but reassured.

“Y/N...where is she” he rasped out, every breath felt like his lungs were being set on fire.

“She’s right behind you, you’re going to be okay” They replied, Levi tried his best to look for her but his body wouldn’t cooperate. Blinking slowly the lights grew faint, he barely registered a mask being placed over his mouth. Words exchanged between the nurses mingling together to become one incoherent string of nonsense as his vision becomes engulfed in a blackened silence.

“Are you excited?” Y/N asked with her head resting in Levi’s lap. Neither of them were really all that invested in the movie they were watching.

“Excited for what?” He inquired, raising an eyebrow at her. Her unamused expression had Levi fighting the urge to smirk.

“Are you serious? You’re going to be a dad soon!”

“Am I?” Levi asked again, a more prominent look of confusion on his face now. Y/N rolled her eyes while slapping his chest half heartedly.

“You’re so annoying sometimes” she sighed, turning her attention back to the movie.

“I am” Levi admitted after a few minutes.

“You are what? Annoying? I know”  

“I’m excited...to have a family with you. Our little brat is lucky to have your for a mom” Y/N huffed in amusement.

“Stop calling our baby a brat”

“She is a little brat, always giving your mom a hard time huh?” Levi scolded affectionately.

“Don’t you think it’s time to wake up?” Y/N’s suddenly serious expression and tone was off putting, the blank far off look in her eyes made him feel like prey backed into a corner. It was nauseating.

“What?”

“It’s time to wake up, Levi. She needs you”

A soft beeping greets Levi as his brain tries to grab onto consciousness. For a moment he can’t remember where he is or why he’s lying in a bed that is definitely not his own with sheets that don’t feel right on his skin. Something was obviously wrong, but he couldn’t remember anything. Glancing around the room he could tell he was in a hospital bed, his side ached every time he tried to reposition himself. Where was Y/N? Why was he here?

Sometimes I wish I’d never met you!

Levi felt his stomach drop, an uncomfortable lump forming in his throat as he remembered the last thing he’d said to Y/N. The events of the previous night came back in flashes, the smell of burnt rubber, Y/N’s scream echoed around in his mind. Levi pulled himself up ignoring the sharp jabs of pain coming from every part of his body. He had to find her, he needed to know she was okay, that their baby was okay. 

Pulling the IV out of his arm, he attempted to swing his legs over the side of the bed. His left leg was stitched up from just his knee to the top of his thigh and God did it fucking hurt trying to move. Setting his foot down on the cold tiles he hissed, nearly collapsing onto the ground as he tried to distribute his weight to take enough pressure off of his injured leg. It was a bitch to try and walk around but he had made it to the door of his room, albeit sweating heavily and panting. His body was too hot, everything was too bright and too loud.

“Sir what are you doing? You shouldn’t get out of bed” A gentle looking nurse says calmly while trying to direct him back into his room.

“Where is she? Is she okay?” Levi demands and he can see a brief look of pity flash across her face but it’s gone in seconds.

“You can see her when you’re properly healed from your surgery! You’re in no condition to be walking!” She says in a more authoritative voice, yet still fairly calm. Levi attempts to shove past her but stumbles when his ankle gives out, hissing in pain and annoyance. With quick reflexes she manages to catch him easily, calling for another nurse to help her transport him back to bed. Levi was relentless in struggling against them, soon two nurses became three and Levi realized with disdain that he was getting nowhere.

“Please...I need to know she’s okay” the throbbing in his side was getting worse and his entire leg felt like it was on fire.

“His stitches ripped,” one of the nurses stated while they maneuvered him back to the bed. His eyes pleading with the first nurse he’d ran into.

“We aren’t allowed to disclose information on her condition to anyone who isn’t family but I can tell you that Miss L/N is resting and her condition is stable” Levi felt momentary relief but he wouldn’t get his hopes up until he could see her with his own eyes.

Grunting when they placed him back in bed the pain that had briefly subsided in his panicked episode was coming back all at once. He needed to apologize for saying something so horrible to her. He obviously didn’t mean it, he had been so lost in his own pettiness that he had said something for the sole purpose of hurting her feelings. It was stupid, childish. The moment he saw her, he was going to beg for her forgiveness. From that day on he would do whatever it took to make it up to her for putting them through this mess.

Levi’s stomach churned as he thought of their baby...only seven months along, he hoped they would survive. He’d never be able to live with himself if something happened.

His thoughts kept him distracted, replaying their fight in his head over and over wishing that he had paid more attention to the road, drove slower, used his fucking head and calmed down.

“Mr.Ackerman?” Levi’s eyes shot open, his bubble instantly popped by the sudden intrusion beside him. He didn’t know how many hours had passed since the nurses had fixed his stitches or when he had fallen asleep.

“I’m Dr. Jaeger, I’m here to answer any questions you might have regarding your surgery.” Levi could give a rats ass about himself.

“Y/N. I want to see her.” That familiar look of pity flashed across the doctors face and Levi was growing sick of it. There was obviously something they weren’t telling him. Sighing softly Dr.Jaeger nodded.

“I’ll take you to see her but there are a few things you need to know first.” Levi didn’t like where this was going, a foreshadowing sense of  dread settling itself in the pit of his stomach.

“We’ve checked her medical records, it seems that she has no immediate family. You’re her emergency contact.” Levi nodded, it was something they had discussed after a year of being together. Y/N didn’t have any immediate relatives and the only remaining family she did have lived across the globe. It wasn’t a hard decision to make at the time, he hadn’t been thinking of worst case scenarios when he agreed to become her emergency contact.

“Meaning that you’re going to be making this decision for her.” Dr. Jaeger continued cautiously, waiting for an outburst.

“What decision?” A nurse entered the room with a wheelchair, Levi’s lips were set in a thin line. He wanted to see her more than anything but now he wasn’t sure what he was going to be met with.

“I’ll explain when we get there” Levi didn’t like that answer but complied, figuring it was better to go along with them rather than demanding answers. He begrudgingly allowed Dr. Jaeger and the nurse to help him into the wheelchair. He hated being dependent on others but after ripping his stitches open he didn’t want to go through the trouble again. It would only delay him seeing Y/N.

The trip to her room felt impossibly long, Levi’s hands were balled into fists in his lap. When they finally stopped outside her room, Dr. Jaeger gingerly placed a hand on Levi’s shoulder. Unreadable grey eyes locked onto green ones. It almost felt like he was being prepared for what was awaiting him on the other side of the door.

Levi felt nothing but guilt as his eyes drank in Y/N’s unconscious form, there were bruises and cuts littering her face and arms. A tube was inserted down her throat meaning she was unable to breathe on her own.

“She can hear you but we aren’t sure when she’ll wake up.” The silence was heavy, Levi’s mind was reeling with possibilities he didn’t want to consider.

“You don’t know when she’ll wake up or if she’ll wake up?” An inevitable sense of hopelessness gripped him by the throat, slowly squeezing the air out of his lungs.

“There were a few...complications with her surgery. Due to the force of the impact her brain suffered swelling and hemorrhaging, internal bleeding in the brain. We’ve done all we can to try and reduce the swelling, the rest is up to her.” 

Levi hated the way he sounded so...bland about it. Like this kind of thing happened everyday, and yeah, it probably did but Levi couldn’t help but feel angry as his entire world was being ripped from his hands so cruelly. Levi had learned early on that this was the way the world worked. It moved on, life didn’t stop while he struggled to pick up the pieces that had shattered.

“What about the baby?” He asked tightly, keeping his eyes focused on the blank face of his lover. His mind was clouded over with too many emotions to process at once. Everything just felt like white hot rage, burning its way through his body with no regard for what it destroyed.

“The baby is doing well, it was a miracle they survived. We’re still monitoring them closely, if anything happens we’ll have no choice but to perform an emergency c-section.” Levi’s shoulders slumped forward with relief, his baby girl was okay. He picked up Y/N’s hand locking their fingers together before pressing a small kiss to her knuckles. However, the relief he felt was short lived.

“What decision am I supposed to be making for her?” He asked, turning his head too sharply to glare at the doctor.

“In the event that miss L/N’s coma progresses to a vegetative state, it is your decision on whether to keep her on life support or let her go” Levi’s jaw clenched, she was going to wake up! She had to.

“What’s going to happen to the baby?” Forcing himself to breathe Levi was seconds away from losing his control, his eyes were burning, the lump in his throat pressing uncomfortably against his Adam’s apple. He wouldn’t cry, he needed to be strong for her.

“As long as her brain is able to carry out regular functioning the baby is in no danger. Providing there are no further complications the baby can safely be delivered via c-section.” Taking in a shuddering breath all Levi could do was nod his understanding. He didn’t want this, they were supposed to go through this together but now he was alone.

“I’ll give you some time alone with her, try talking to her. It might help.” Levi watched the peaks rise and fall on the EKG monitor, she was so close to him and yet he had never felt farther from her than in that moment. Levi placed a hand on her stomach, something he had done many times before while Y/N slept except now it felt weird. Like he shouldn’t be touching her, didn’t deserve to be touching her. Black locks covered his face as he hung his head unable to fight back the bitter tears that had been building up since he’d regained consciousness.

“What do you think we should name her?” Y/N asked her fingers absentmindedly carding through his hair while he rested his head in her lap. The more her belly grew the more often Levi found himself wanting to spend as much time talking to their baby as possible. After Y/N had told him that she could hear them, he wanted her to get used to the sound of his voice.

“I’m not sure, what’s a fitting name for my little princess?” Y/N couldn’t fight the grin that spread over her face, watching her boyfriend address their baby like they were having a conversation was one of her favourite things.

“Hm, how about London?”

“No, I’m not naming my daughter after a city” Y/N scrolled through the list of baby names she’d pulled up on her phone, their new nightly routine consisted of trying to find a name for the baby. Despite it being only five months along they were both impatient to meet their baby, Levi referred to her solely as his little princess while Y/N had taken up calling her pumpkin. They butted heads with every name, either Levi said it sounded too tacky or Y/N complained that it wasn’t unique enough.

“How about Alabama?” Levi’s head craned up to meet her eyes, a look of disbelief on his face.

“Please tell me you’re joking”

“This is impossible” she sighed defeatedly.

“Let me see” Levi reached out to grab her phone, eyes scrolling down the list until one name caught his attention.

“How about this one?” Y/N raises an eyebrow in interest, her eyes lock with Levi’s.

“Not bad shorty, not bad”

♡    ♡    ♡

The following weeks were torturous, Levi was still unable to walk on his own. After calming down Dr. Jaeger has explained that his femur had been fractured and would take a while to heal. His torso still ached but it was nothing in comparison to the pain he felt during physical therapy. During the times he wasn’t learning how to walk, something he hated with his entire being, he was in Y/N’s room. The nurses didn’t have the heart to move him, eventually they had given up trying to coax Levi back into his own room allowing them to be together. It made Levi easier to deal with and he was less grumpy when it came time to bring him to therapy. Y/N’s condition hadn’t gotten worse but it showed no signs of getting better and while Levi was grateful for it he was struggling to hold on the longer she was unconscious.

“I miss you...I hope you can hear me. I know I don’t deserve you, not after what happened. Princess is doing okay but she’s gonna need you babe, I need you! I can’t do this by myself. Please, wake up” Levi didn’t have much time to talk to her during the day, but at night he poured his heart out in ways he never had and every night it made him feel guilty.

 Things he should have told her while she was in his arms, moments he took for granted that he might not ever get to experience again. With crushing realization Levi couldn’t even remember the last time he had kissed her, worse he couldn’t remember the last time he had told her he loved her. Pressing his face into the mattress he cried silently, the grip on her hand tightening as he bit back sobs.

He knew it was stupid, giving himself false hope that maybe one day she’d wake up. It had already been over a month and soon enough they would be delivering their baby. Levi was not confident in his ability to be a parent, let alone a single parent. He didn’t even want to think about it, he needed Y/N. But even if she woke up, what would happen, would she be the same person he remembered?

Levi hated being late, if it wasn’t for the fifteen minutes he’d spent trying to shovel his car out of the snow he wouldn’t be sweating his ass off just before going on a date. Not that he really wanted to be going on one in the first place but Hange and Erwin had both decided to meddle into his pathetic love life and set him up with someone they knew. Levi could care less about dating, he didn’t have time to emotionally support someone else, not while he was so invested in trying to earn his masters.

 However, he was fed up with Hange giving out his number to random girls and she promised that if he went on this date she’d stop meddling. Levi would suffer through two hours of his life if it meant he didn’t have to receive anymore texts from clingy girls with shitty pick up lines. Besides his closed off personality was usually enough for them to get uncomfortable, calling off the date early. Levi waited inside his car for a few minutes, not wanting to rush in drenched with sweat.

Actually, maybe that was a good idea. The sooner he scared her off the better. Levi walked into the restaurant, the waiter glanced at him weirdly but said nothing as Levi was led to his table. The sight of his date had him doing a double take, none of the girls Hange set him up with had ever looked as beautiful as her.

“Oh, good you’re here! I was about to order without you. Levi right?” Her eyes never left the menu in front of her and Levi was a little taken back by her brash attitude. Not only did she completely disregard his presence but she was going to start eating without him. When her eyes finally met his Levi felt the wind being knocked out of him, her eyes were mesmerizing.

“Huh...well I guess you’re not bad. Although, Hange really talked you up. I will admit you’re, by far, the most decent looking guy she’s set me up with” She laughed and Levi willed himself to ignore the way he craved to hear more of it. He hated to admit it but he was used to being completely fawned over by his dates, this was...new.

As the night went on Levi found himself enjoying her presence. Y/N was entertaining, she was sarcastic and witty and not afraid of his sharp comebacks. He had completely lost track of time, he needed to see more of her. He wasn’t going to be satisfied with one date.

“You know, you’re pretty good company” Y/N smirked, and for the first time in his life Levi felt butterflies in his stomach. Levi usually drove his dates home and if he felt like it had even given a few of them a goodnight kiss. But nothing had ever made him feel the way Y/N did, her lips fit against his like they were made for him. Her hands molded perfectly with his; and as they pulled apart out of breath, his heart pounding against his ribcage, Levi knew he was in trouble.

“Levi?” Levi’s daydreaming was interrupted by Hange’s cautious voice. Hange and Erwin were staring at him like he was fragile, like if they said the wrong thing he’d break. He hated the way their gazes drifted towards his leg, the ugly stitches immediately caught everyone’s attention. It was a constant reminder of his stupidity. 

 Hange’s eyes were wet with tears as she enveloped Levi in a firm hug. It hurt but at the same time he almost craved it, they were his closest friends. The only ones who could understand the pain he felt. Levi had been waiting outside of the delivery room for what felt like hours. They had asked him to wait in his room but Levi wanted to be there the second their baby was delivered. He couldn’t tell if things were going well, but there was a feeling he couldn’t shake. His gut was telling him that the dread he’d been feeling since they had rushed her into an emergency c-section wasn’t paranoia.

“Have you heard anything?” Erwin asked, taking a seat next to Levi.

“Not yet” Erwin was used to Levi’s short worded responses, but this was something different. Levi’s body was tense, glancing down Erwin took in how white his knuckles were. His eyes were trained on the doors in front of them, he looked so different from the person they’d seen months ago. Hange grabbed one of his clenched fists in her hands and Levi made no attempts to shove her off of him. The sound of the door being pushed open almost made him vomit with nerves, if he could he would’ve been on his feet already.

“Mr. Ackerman, we’re ready for you.” They weren’t giving anything away but Levi felt like he already knew what was coming.

“We’ll be here” Hange said, giving his hands a reassuring squeeze.

The room was divided by a curtain, Levi felt his body go numb as he listened to Dr. Jaeger give him the news he’d been dreading.

“We’re very sorry, we did everything we could but there was too much bleeding.” He couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe it. He struggled to take in shuddering breaths, nails digging crescents into the cold palm of his hands. Angry tears pricked at his tired eyes. It wasn’t fair! She was too young, their lives were only beginning. Levi thought of every dream they had ever talked about, finishing their degrees, travelling the world together, getting married.

“Would you like to hold her?” The question distracts him, for a second Levi felt himself hesitate. Did he really want this? He was by no means parental material and the thought of having to raise their daughter without Y/N was terrifying. Levi nodded, unsure of what to expect. He hadn’t expected to cry at the sight of their baby but she was without a doubt the most beautiful child he had ever seen. During the last two months Y/N’s body had fought to keep their baby alive, he didn’t care that people were watching him. He would never be able to go back and change the past, but he would take the precious gift she had given him to create a better future.

“Do you have a name picked out?” Levi’s eyes were focused on the miracle in front of him. Their baby, the last piece of Y/N he would have to remember for the rest of his life. They had agreed on a name months ago but Levi felt like it wasn’t enough to express the meaning that the tiny human in his arms had abruptly brought into his life.

“Yeah, I do”

♡    ♡    ♡

The crisp air nipped at his cheeks, tinting them with a youthful rosy pink. It was a beautiful day, the kind of fall weather Y/N loved. The sun was warm despite the chilly autumn wind, she loved sweater weather. It was only fitting that she be laid to rest on a day as beautiful as she was. Levi’s emotions were anything but cheerful, his heart was heavy. There were so many things he wanted to tell her. He could only hope that she had heard him the countless nights he had spent lying next to her apologizing for what he’d done.

Levi’s gaze lingered on the cloudless sky, hoping that wherever Y/N was, she knew how much he loved her, and would always love her. The swaddled bundle in his arms begins to stir, drawing his attention back to Lily.

‘She looks just like you’ he thought, a bittersweet smile on his lips. Her eyes opened slowly, e/c orbs trying to focus on his face. Levi’s breath caught in his throat as his eyes burned with tears once more. No matter how many times he looked at her, he was breathless. Lily looked so much like Y/N it almost physically hurt sometimes. Levi wished he could turn back time, do it all over again. If he hadn’t been so reckless then he wouldn’t have to be standing over his girlfriend’s grave holding their motherless baby. The guilt never went away, it still felt like just yesterday that Y/N had been in his arms.

Some nights his chest ached so bad he felt like he was going to die, sleep completely evading him. Other mornings he woke up searching out her body in his drowsy state. Only to remember that she was gone. The bed was too big, it was cold and empty without her. Sometimes Levi swore he could still hear the sound of her voice calling him to wake up. But every time he opened his eyes she was never there. The only reason Levi still got out of bed in the morning was because of Lily.

“It’s just you and me princess” he said softly, stroking her cheek with the back of his fingers. Levi’s life would have ended the moment Y/N’s had if it wasn’t for Lily. A flower that had bloomed in the darkest time of his life. His second chance for a life after Y/N.

[dakotacrisis]

Transferred (5)

Miraculous Whine and Cheese Club

---

After a couple days Marinette was finding herself well accommodated to her new school. She kinda knew where she was going from class to class, and had some nice new friends. Nanette and Quinn had basically adopted her and Kagami was always there with an open seat in classes. She had a routine which made everything easier to digest.

Wake up, go to school, hang out with friends, go home, have dinner, do homework, text Adrien, go to sleep.

That was another thing. Adrien and Marinette hadn’t seen one another since she transferred schools but they texted every night now. Usually about how their day had been. Small talk and dumb jokes. It was nice. Talking to him before she fell asleep was a perfect way to end her night.

This night was no exception. Marinette’s phone pinged with a new message from Adrien.

Do you wanna grab lunch tomorrow?

Her heart sped a little at the thought of seeing him again after so long apart.

Sounds great!

Marinette responded.

Great! Where do you wanna go?

My friend Nanette’s parents own a cute little cafe halfway between the schools. The Winking Violet. Sound good?

Sounds perfect! See you there!

Goodnight, Adrien

Goodnight, Marinette

Marinette let herself a small squee of joy before plugging her phone in to charge and going to sleep.

The next day Marinette headed over to the cafe. Nanette’s moms, whom Marinette had gotten to see a lot of these past couple days, saved a nice table inside. It was raining so the outdoor seating was closed which was a shame since it was great for people watching.

“Marinette?” Marinette looked up to see Aurore. “Hi, I thought that was you.”

“Hi, Aurore, what are you doing here?” she asked.

“Looking for a part-time job. No one is hiring weather girls so I thought I’d try my hand at waitressing.” Aurore shrugged, “What are you doing here?”

“Getting lunch with Adrien. Did you want to join us?” Marinette offered.

“I don’t want to intrude on your date.”

“It’s not a date. We’re just catching up.” Marinette’s face lit up with the mention of the word ‘date’. “I haven’t seen him since I transferred. I haven’t really talked to you either so I’d rather like it if you stayed.”

“Well…” Aurore looked out at the downpour before pulling up a chair at the little glass table. “I have missed you.”

The girls got to talking and were sipping some warm tea when Adrien finally showed up. “Sorry I’m late. It took me forever to convince father to let me come out for lunch.”

“No problem, Aurore’s been keeping me company.” Marientte nodded to their companion.

“Hey Adrien, I know I wasn’t invited--”

“You’re fine. It’s nice to see you outside of school.” Adrien assured her before sitting down and ordering a hot chocolate. This was turning out to be a better afternoon than Marinette pictured. Good company and a warm drink to sip while the rain pattered outside. It was so cozy.

After they exchanged the usual pleasantries and ordered their food they started to get into the real meat of the afternoon.

“How is your new school?” Aurore asked Marinette.

“Great. The people I’ve met are really nice and the teachers are first rate. Also, no Lila. It’s probably one of the best things to ever happen to me.” Marinette responded through bites of her sandwich.

“UUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!” Adrien threw his head back as he let out a long groan. It would have been funny if not for the multiple heads that swiveled their way.

“What’s going on with him?” Marinette whispered to Aurore.

“Oh, Lila has been dogging his heels ever since you left.” Aurore frowned, “He’s not too happy about it.”

“Oof.” Marinette looked back at Adrien, “How bad has it been?”

“I am trying to be the better person but I cannot keep it up.” Adrien grumbled. “It’s like since you left she thinks she has free reins to do as she pleases. She has practically taken over the school with her lies. She got the seating chart rearranged in class and now I’m stuck next to her in the front row because she convinced Nino to sit behind me with Alya.”

“I am so sorry for you.” Marinette couldn’t imagine the horror going on back at Dupont if Lila was uninhibited. “What else has she done?”

The next half hour was a well needed venting session from Adrien about all the crap Lila had been getting up to since Marinette’s departure. Her lies had somehow gotten even more ludicrous but everyone was stilling buying into them. With some help from Alya, and a lie about being Prince Ali’s go to for second opinions on political decisions, she had taken Marinette’s former position as class president. Not only was she gluing herself to Adrien’s side at every chance she was also furthering her efforts to paint Marinette as a monster. Even after she left she wasn’t done. She wanted to make sure that absolutely no one at Francoise Dupont had any sympathy for Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

First it was that Marinette was using subtle cheats and glitches to make herself a better gamer and not playing fairly in the school gaming tournament months prior. Then it was that she had stolen her derby hat design from a sketch of Lila’s. None of which Lila would even be able to justify because she hadn’t even joined the school at that point! She was just looking for documented cases of Marinette’s accomplishments and trying to debunk them. And the class apparently will just take her word for it because who else would be a good judge of those accomplishments? People who were actually there? Ha!

“Wow.” Marinette sat back and stared at the boy across from her, “You really needed that didn’t you?”

“It has been a long week, Marinette,” Adrien laid his head down on the table, “I am so tired.”

“There there,” Aurore gave his head a pat, “Rest easy sweet prince.”

“It sounds like Lila is on cloud nine.” Marinette muttered into her tea.

“She’s the only one,” Adrien said, his head still on the table, “The rest of the school has been really subdued lately.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve noticed it too.” Aurore said, “Everyone looks like they’re running on auto-pilot. There’s no life or excitement in anything they do anymore. Even when they’re talking about something fun.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Neither do I,” Aurore pushed her salad around in her bowl, “It’s kinda sad really.”

“It’s because Lila drove out our purveyor of optimism and happiness.” Adrien flashed Marinette his big, sad, green eyes. “You can really feel your absence at school.”

“You’re saying that to make me feel better.” Marinette told him.

“I’m serious. Ever since you left everyone has been either on edge or too tired to care about anything. Just the other day Kim and Max got into a yelling match in the main hall. Ivan and Mylene have practically turned into the couple that stand next to one another but never speak. Marc stopped coming to art class and hasn’t said a word to Nathaneal either. It is the saddest kind of surrealism.”

“You can’t blame all of that on me leaving. It’s getting colder, weather is getting worse, people fall into seasonal funks.” Marinette tried to explain it away.

“Really? You think it is a coincidence that everyone suddenly got worse when you weren’t there? I always said you were our everyday Ladybug and now I’m sure of it. You bring happiness and luck wherever you go. We were lucky to have you in our class. Now that you’re gone it’s like a year’s worth of karma is coming back to haunt us.” Adrien shuddered. “I think it can only get worse.”

“Aurore, tell him he’s being overdramatic.” Marinette rolled her eyes but she was secretly pleased the with the praise.

“No can do. The boy is right.” Aurore said, “You left and you took the class’ morale with you.”

“What about Chloe?” Marinette asked.

“What about her?”

“Chloe knows that Lila is a liar and we all know Chloe isn’t one to take things lying down. I refuse to believe Lila has gotten complete control over the school with Chloe there to butt heads with. What has she been doing?” Adrien and Aurore looked at one another. They hadn’t thought about this. Chloe fought everyone at pretty much every opportunity. Now that she had a new opponent, and Marinette’s blessing to be ruthless with said opponent, why had things gotten so out of control?

“She’s your friend, Agreste.” Aurore leaned back in her chair, “What’s Queen Bee been up to?”

“Chloe…” Adrien sat back and thought about it, “She’s been quiet, actually.”

“Seriously?”

“I mean she’s just been going about the day like everyone else. Not challenging Lila or getting into petty fights with the others. It’s really weird now that I think about it.” Adrien pulled out his phone and scrolled through his messages. “The last time she messaged me was three days ago. I get texts from her everyday. That’s not right.”

“Do you think she’s fallen into that depression you say the rest of the class is in?” Marinette couldn’t believe her ears. Chloe ‘I’m-the-daughter-of-the-mayor-so-you-must-obey-me’ Bourgeois, was being an amicable classmate?

“No, I think she’s the only one that looks like she’s there for a reason. Everyone else has that aura of, have to be there, surrounding them. Chloe...has energy in her deference. I can’t explain it. It’s like she’s flying under the radar for no reason.”

“Huh,” The three teenagers decided to stop moping about Lila and how much of a bummer Francois Dupont had become and moved onto happier conversation. Mainly it centered around Marinette regaling them with her time at her new school and funny moments from her new friends.

All in all it was a pretty good afternoon.

“I gotta get going,” Aurore stood up, “it was great seeing you again, Marinette.”

“You too, we should find a day to get together again.” Marinette smiled.

“Totally. See you at school, Adrien.” With that Aurore was gone.

“I should be heading back too. I have some catch up work I need to get done.” Marinette pushed her chair in.

“I’ll walk you home.” Adrien opened the door for her.

Thankfully the rain had stopped. The streets had that fresh rain smell and little puddles dotting the pavement that Marinette had to resist the urge to jump in.

"We should do this again." Adrien said, "I miss seeing you every day."

"Yeah?" Marinette felt herself blush once more.

"Yeah," was she delusional or was Adrien blushing too? "I--"

"MARINETTE!"

The next moment a blur of bright pink had tackled her to the ground.

"Oof," Marinette wheezed, "Nanette, I can't breathe."

"Sorry." Nanette stood up, "My mom told me you were in the cafe but I was in the middle of a painting and by the time I found a stopping point you were gone and--holy crap Adrien Agreste!"

"Are you okay?" Adrien helped Marinette up.

"Yep. I've taken harder falls than that." She brushed herself off, "Adrien this is Nanette. Nanette this Adrien."

"Nice to meet you." Adrien smiled at Nanette. 

"You too. Marinette wasn't kidding when she said she knew you."

"Um, Nani," Marinette poked her, "You have paint all over you."

"And?"

Marinette pointed to her blouse now stained with green and blue streaks. "It's still wet."

"Oh no! I'm so sorry!" Nanette blanched, “I didn’t even think of that!”

“It’s okay. It’s just a little paint.” Marinette assured her. “Actually, I think this is a good excuse to try my hand at hand painting clothing. Maybe give it a water flower design.”

“I’ve done that before.” Nanette said, “I made Quinn a scarf for their birthday once and they loved it. If you want you can come back to my place and work there. I have every color of the rainbow in paint and a killer sound system we can jam to while working.”

“I would love to but I really do need to get home. Tomorrow maybe?” Marinette hated to disappoint her.

“No problem.” She shrugged, “I should let you two continue on your way. It was nice meeting you, Adrien. Marinette talks a lot about you.”

“Nanette!” shrieked through clenched teeth.

“She likes you a lot.”

“That’s good to hear. It would be awkward if she didn’t.” Adrien said placing a hand on Marinette’s shoulder.

Marinette didn’t hold out too much hope for his words to mean anything more than liking her as a friend. She loves Adrien but if she was being honest the boy is either too infatuated with Kagami to consider anyone else an option or he’s is really that dense about picking up hints. The only way she could be more blatant about her crush was if she told him she dreamed about marrying him one day.

“AWE!” Nanette gushed, “You two are so cute. Okay, I’ll let you go. Sorry for tackling your girlfriend, Adrien.”

“NANETTE!” Marinette was going to collapse into a puddle of anxiety, “He’s not my--”

“I’ll text you later!” Nanette shouted over her shoulder as she hustled back down the street.

“One of your new friends?” Adrien chuckled unperturbed by Nanette’s comment.

“Yeah, she’s...eccentric.”

“I like her hair. If I was a braver sort I would dye my hair something crazy like that.” Adrien ruffled his golden locks, “You think I could pull off pink hair?”

“I think you could pull off anything.” Marinette answered honestly.

“Even crocs?” he raised an eyebrow at her.

She imagined a pink haired Adrien wearing matching bright pink crocs. Amusing but not great. She shook her head. “Hair? Yes. Crocs? No. No one can. Nope.”

“You said--”

“I don’t care if you are Aphrodite incarnate, no one can pull off crocs! It is a comfort shoe meant to not see the light of day!”

“I’m getting you a pair for Christmas now.”

“I think if you were to spend those big boy model checks on something as abhorrent as crocs your dad would disown you on behalf of the fashion world.”

“Still failing to see a downside.”

“You little,” Marinette smacked his arm and they continued on their way to her house. “At the very least Lila may stop bothering you if you wore them to school.”

“Now I have to get a pair and test that theory.”

“She’s really gotten that bad?”

“You are super lucky that you got out when you did. Homeschooling is looking like the better option nowadays.”

“It’ll get better. For your sake I hope it does.”

“Thanks. I hope so too.” they made it to Marinette’s house and said their goodbyes. Marinette said hello to her parents before shutting herself in her room and changing out of her stained shirt. She set it aside to work on later and went to check her instagram. She scrolled through some pictures of her old friends hanging out. She hadn’t the heart to unfollow any of them yet.

Curious about Adrien’s past statement she went to Chloe’s page. Wow. Adrien wasn’t kidding. Chloe hasn’t posted anything on her social media in days. As someone who flooded her timeline with selfies and designer endorsements this was really weird. The last selfie she posted was her wearing a trilby and holding a magnifying glass up to her eye. The caption read: Detective Bourgeois and the case of Dolos and Aletheia.

What is up with her?

---

(1) (2) (3) (4) (6)

[inkribbon796]

The Midnight Hour is Close at Hand Ch. 2

Chapter 2: Wonder if You’ll See the Sun

Summary: Marvin decides that if everyone else is going to give up he’s going to pull out his little dark book of spells and get the job done himself.

A/N: Warning! The death of a minor is detailed in this. This is for Robbie’s birthday, which is actually tomorrow but I didn’t want to push the release of another story back a day for that. Also no black magic was actually used in the making of this story because I refuse to be responsible for getting anyone in trouble.

Chapters: 1, 2

Pretty much every hero rushed to the base, Chase and Henrik were waiting for them.

Chase let in a broken gasp when he saw Robbie, “The fook happened?”

“The whole operation went south, either we were directed to the wrong building or it was a trap, but . . .” Silver took a deep breath. “Wilford shot him, we found Robbie alone with Dark.”

“Where’s J.J?” Marvin demanded. “I don’t know why he didn’t fookin’ reset us already.”

“Jackie vent und looked for him,” Henrik’s voice choked as he approached. “Vhy? Zis never should have ‘appened.”

The door opened and Ethan raced out, “Robbie!”

“Get back inside!” Mark ordered. “Get back inside right now!”

Ethan raced towards Silver, and he flew inside, pushing Ethan back in.

“How is he dead?” Ethan sobbed, “I was only gone for two minutes!”

“Don’t worry,” Marvin reassured in that same desperate panic. “J.J will fix this, he always fixes thin’s.”

“Zen vey has he not?” Henrik demanded.

Ethan was already in a panic, sobbing profusely as Silver carried Robbie into the main room. Jackie was walking.

“Where’s J.J?” Marvin demanded.

“He can’t—” Jack started, pulling off his hoodie and running his hands through his hair.

“The fook yeh mean he can’t!” Marvin shouted, and tried to step around Jackie to go and hunt J.J down. “Where is that motherfooker!”

Jackie put himself in the hallway so the magician couldn’t muscle past him. “I tried ta ask him an’ that’s what he told me.”

“He can’t just give up on him!” Marvin demanded, using his magic to force Jackie to the side and race down the hallway. “Where is he?”

He got to one of the living rooms and tore it open to see J.J idly drinking whiskey.

“Turn us back!” Marvin yelled at J.J, grabbing him by the front of his shirt. “This is what it’s fer.”

J.J just brought the glass to his lips, seemingly ignoring Marvin and Jackie.

“Marv,” Jackie warned, trying to pull him off.

“No! Turn us, back, Robbie is dead!” Marvin demanded angrily.

J.J leaned over and tried to pick up a stack of index cards.

Marvin pulled him back, “No! Tell me yerself yah fookface!”

“Tried,” J.J signed sloppily. “He always dies. Tried 20 times.”

“How can yeh fail twenty times yeh gobshite!” Marvin demanded.

J.J flipped him off, Jackie was finally able to pull him off, grabbing the cards and reading through them.

“Jackie help me talk some sense into him,” Marvin ordered.

The argument continued for a bit before Jackie forced Marvin out, J.J eventually just falling asleep and the other Septics reluctantly deciding that J.J while drunk couldn’t fix anything.

Slowly as the minutes ticked by the others were getting less hopeful, only J.J really remembered what happened when he reset time, other people who were involved sometimes got the sensation that time had been messed with. But if the mute hero didn’t want to set back the clock, there was nothing anyone could do.

J.J’s cards told a story in the hero’s elegant cursive, that his attempts hadn’t just drained J.J physically, but mentally. Robbie would either die by Wilford’s gun, or accidentally when Dark tried to protect one of his younger enforcers that was always present. Robbie and his overconfident curiosity. Or in the attempts they tried to keep the sidekicks safe in the base, Ethan would sneak out and he would die as a result.

Marvin’s desperation turned to anger, and that then turned on Henrik when he and Silver brought Robbie to the hospital’s morgue, along with Marvin tagging along Chase was with them. Ethan had thrown a fit when he was forced to go home by the older full-time heroes, angry and sad and blaming himself for not staying with Robbie in the building. Even if that would have probably led to both of the teens dying instead of just Robbie.

Robbie’s only family was his mother, who was supposed to be on a business trip until Wednesday.

“Vat vould you ‘ave me do?” Henrik shouted in anger as they stood in the hospital Henrik and Iplier worked at, they were in a room, Robbie’s body on a stretcher next to them. “I cannot cure ze dead!”

Chase was shaking and crying, completely taken over by his grief. Silver was trying to talk him into heading back but Chase didn’t want to leave Robbie. After months of treating the young man like a surrogate son, Chase was devastated.

They all were.

“I have a call to make, Marvin,” Henrik dismissed. “Zey vill make sure zat Robert’s body is safe.”

“Hen,” Silver called out as he walked over. “We should have called her ages ago. You’ve got her number?”

“I’ll make ze call,” Henrik sighed miserably, his hands smoothing over Robbie’s hair. “Vergib uns, mein Junge.”

Marvin glared at Robbie’s body, filled with furious indignation, “I’ll be back, Rob, promise.”

The magician slipped past Silver and ran out of the hospital. Time was ticking and he had supplies to collect.

It was late, 2 AM late when Marvin snuck back into the morgue with a bag full of things that would probably get him arrested on sight if the trespassing didn’t do the job first.

Only the hospital’s late night shift was still here, and to Marvin the security at this hour was a joke. It was why he’d had to wait, even though he was aware time was starting to run out.

Marvin walked into the morgue, quickly finding Robbie and sliding his tray open.

The magician gently ran his hands over his frozen hair. “I’m not fookin’ givin’ up on yeh.”

Walking back towards the door, Marvin locked it and began pulling things out of his bag to get the spell ready.

There were a lot of misconceptions about necromancy. When Marvin had first studied the topic in his formative years, he had dismissed the whole field as evil or a guide book on how to be a scam artist. But the more he researched, the more he’d realized it didn’t have to be. He didn’t need to kill or hurt people to make the spell, all he needed was the components, it didn’t specify they had to be from the living and unwilling.

Human souls were a tricky business, and getting one back into its body was even trickier. Mostly because you didn’t want to summon the wrong soul, or even worse a malicious spirit, and cram it into a body. There were all kinds of horror stories that Marvin had heard, but Robbie had barely been dead a couple of hours. He hadn’t been embalmed or cut open besides Henrik removing the bullet.

All Marvin had to do was be careful, and so as he separated a bowl with a human heart he had procured from a hospital. The heart had been a donor reject, but Marvin didn’t need a perfect one or a beating one, he just needed a heart. Two pints of Marvin’s blood he’d drawn himself, because he didn’t want Henrik or anyone else involved, they could get hurt and he didn’t want to risk them stopping him. Then he started setting up the floor, taking Robbie’s much heavier frozen body and placing it in the middle of the floor and drawing a circle of salt around the body, and a circle for Marvin to kneel in as he worked. Runes and writing was carefully traced in Marvin’s blood and then he separated the remaining out with the rest of the ingredients.

Finally Marvin sat with his legs folded under his thighs and tried to clear his thoughts from his blind, desperate hope, and his furious grief. He had to get Robbie back.

He took out a box of matches, and struck the match and quickly blew it out before using his magic to reignite the match.

Suddenly, all the candles in the room blew out at once and Marvin held his breath, trying to stay awake as his own magic was robbed from him. But he wasn’t trying to create a human from nothing, just wake up a long sleeping one.

He began a series of long incantations, designed for the soul purpose of bringing a soul back. Marvin envisioned Robbie, and how his life had been snuffed out by the villains that had killed and snuffed out the lives of many like him.

Marvin had power, he had magic and if he couldn’t use that to actually save Robbie, he figured he should back up his books, swear off magic, and go back to Offaly.

Then, the candle in Marvin’s hands flared back to life, already starting to feel drained and lightheaded. The flame was a gentle, ghostly blue, something about just making Marvin feel giddy. He hovered the magical fire over one of Robbie’s shoes and waited for a reaction.

Nothing.

Marvin let out a nervous, tired, giddy giggle. “I knew it, I found you.”

With extreme gentleness, Marvin touches the flame to the crown of Robbie’s head and the flame quickly erupted along the young man’s body.

Then in one breath it snuffed itself out, and Marvin, lightheaded, held his breath. The room was spinning and Marvin felt like throwing up, but he’d made his circle a bit too small and if he disturbed his circles then Robbie would leave.

He got distracted when for the first time in hours, the teenager’s fingers twitched, his eyes scrunched up.

“Rob—” was all Marvin was able to manage before he threw up and collapsed onto the floor, out before he could think.

Marvin didn’t know how long he’d been out, it felt like only a couple seconds and he felt like his body had been hit by a train. There was a pounding sound close to Marvin that was probably his awful migraine because his head felt like Marvin should take a bat to it.

When he finally opened his eyes he realized the pounding wasn’t just in his head, Robbie was trying to break the door down.

With his head still spinning, Marvin tried to pick himself up, but the nausea and his migraine were not helping and he fell back to the ground. “Rob, s’not locked on our side.”

Robbie turned and growled at him, a low throaty snarl that was distinctly inhuman.

Marvin struggled to pick himself up, wondering if somehow he’d read the flame wrong, he didn’t think he had the strength for another attempt.

“Rob,” Marvin stood up, so relieved to see him. “It’s okay, yer back now, yer safe.”

“Robbie” let out a grunting yell and went to grab or swat at Marvin but his hands contacted the barrier of salt and it was almost like an impenetrable barrier was suddenly around the magician. In frustration the teen slammed his fists on the ground, the linoleum splitting and crunching like glass with inhuman force.

“Woah, woah, Rob, it’s me,” Marvin cautioned.

Robbie made another inhuman yell at Marvin, clearly not recognizing him as anything other than something to fight.

The door to the morgue opened and a security guard shone his torch into the room. “The hell is going on in here?”

Robbie roared at him and then lunged, Marvin cast a quick spell to knock the door closed again. It didn’t work but Robbie slammed into the door instead of the unsuspecting human.

He collapsed to the ground again, but the security officer was able to pin Robbie to the ground.

“Don’t hurt him,” Marvin pleaded. “He’s been through enough.”

“What is going on?” The officer demanded but Marvin succumbed to exhaustion, blacking out for the second time.

When he woke up, it was to Henrik talking admittedly over him. “Regardless, vatever he has done, he vill not hear ze end of it.”

“Can yeh turn it down?” Marvin asked, he was less nauseous but now he was lightheaded.

Henrik was instantly leaning over him, looking furious, “Vat is vrong vit you‽”

“I saved Robbie,” Marvin was struggling to get back up.

“He vas dead!” Henrik shouted. “Und ve don’t know vat you have brought back to us.”

Marvin picked himself up to see that Robbie was lying on the ground, bound with metal cords and Silver was holding him down.

“What did you bring back?” Silver demanded.

“I did the spell right,” Marvin insisted.

Everyone but Robbie flinched when a dull ringing came from the other side of the door, and Dark opened it. All the heroes freezes, as if hoping the villain would just go away instead of probably escalating the situation.

Silver groaned, “Come on, Dark we got enough to worry about.”

Dark stared at Robbie, looking at him in confusion before the anger rolled over his face.

“You monsters,” Dark growled, slamming the door behind him. “None of you can let the dead rest, can you?”

Marvin scrambled off of the table to get in-between Dark and Robbie, “No, fook yeh, he suffered enough.”

“And that suffering is now ongoing,” Dark snarled resentfully. “He should have been allowed to rest. You filthy heroes just can’t let anything slip out of your control, can you?”

“Don’t touch him,” Marvin ordered, he’d only just gotten Robbie back, and now Dark was back to finish the job.

“How long has it been like that,” Dark dismissed, grabbing Marvin by the front of his cloak. “Don’t bother, you’re in no position to fight.”

“I don’t care,” Marvin literally spat in Dark’s face and he was thrown to the side, Dark’s aura pinning him down.

“Dark let’s talk this out,” Silver cautioned, trying to still keep Robbie pinned as the Entity walked over.

“How long has it been in that body?” Dark demanded.

“We don’t know, maybe a couple hours,” Silver admitted and Dark let out a groan of frustration.

“Do any of you know if it’s the boy or not?” Dark asked.

“Course it fookin’ is!” Marvin shouted.

“He hasn’t really said anything, just growled,” Silver answered.

Dark reached his aura down and started running it along Robbie’s teeth, as if checking, and Robbie was snarling before suddenly he froze up and started letting out a couple soft, huffed breaths.

Dark seemed to be checking for something, his ringing pitching up and down. Marvin was desperately trying to kick free, a loud bang from Marvin putting his foot through the wall, probably breaking a couple toes in the process. He screamed in pain.

Robbie however, flinched at the bang, looking around. Dark was carefully watching him for a bit longer before he pulled his aura away. Robbie didn’t start growling again, he was just watching Dark.

“There’s no guarantee you’ve brought back the right person, but I’m sure you would know the boy better than I would,” Dark sighed, sweeping his hair out of his eyes. “This mess is now your problem. Do tell me you’ve discontinued your internships.”

“We’re talking about it,” Silver actually admitted. “One or two of the kids have nowhere to go.”

“If they try and face my network or other villains, they will die,” Dark reminded. “Oh and that Derekson kid you have, if you don’t keep him off the streets, I’ll take him back.”

“How—” Silver started.

“None of your business, but,” Dark motioned down to Robbie, “whether or not you’ve got the right person, he will never be the same. Also, he might be hungry.”

Dark left through the door, only of the doctors nervously following him, which made sense for Silver how Dark even knew what was going on in the first place.

Now that Robbie had been calmed, the heroes did their best to keep him calm, Dark had been right, he was hungry. Henrik ran out to get him something.

After a short check up the heroes were starting to understand the problem: Robbie’s body had already started to decompose before he was brought into the morgue. A process that had now magically been halted.

One of the doctors showed up with a couple notes, all written in Dark’s fancy, cursive handwriting. Dark was instructing them on how to get Robbie to act human again.

It took several more hours to get Robbie responsive in a way that wasn’t blind rage, a full day to get him to recognize them. Silver mostly suspected that it was Marvin’s coaching whenever he was left with him, which everyone was hesitant to leave Marvin alone with Robbie again and would continue to be suspicious of Marvin for months.

Talking would take weeks, and even then Robbie’s ability to form complex, long statements would never come back. He would speak and even smile again, but sometimes Silver would look at the young man and wonder if they were just wishfully hoping it was him.

Dark had been right, they couldn’t be sure, and even when Robbie’s mom was allowed to finally see him again, a woman who had already been struggling to deal with her only child’s death, was heartbroken again when Robbie didn’t immediately recognize her. He needed several long minutes, and the woman calling out to him in desperate hope, to seemingly understand who she was.

Even Jackie was suspicious, but there was nothing they could do, Robbie was back, he was slotting himself uncomfortably right back into where he had been before, but with much more supervision to all the sidekicks as Robbie was kept with the doctors more than he had been before.

For better or worse “Robbie” was back and so far he seemed to like the real deal. All the heroes could do was hope he was.

[goddessofthundathighs]

Dreams & Nightmares

I apologize in advance for this. It’s been sitting in my drafts forever and finally finished it.

“Good morning Dr. Stevens, you look lovely today,” Raven quipped as her boss walked through the double doors of the dispensary. Since today was Friday, she opted for a casual look pairing a light denim button up with distressed denim jeans and her Prive Louboutin peep toes.

“Good morning Raven. What’s my schedule like today?”

“You have two interns to interview, a conference call with the FDA, and your usual lunch date with Charlie Jade and the babies at 2:00.” Hennessy smiled before turning to walk back towards her office. She was thankful that she had a pretty light day, hoping that she’d be able to take the rest of the day off after lunch with Charlie. Erik was away on business in Wakanda and she had been working longer hours to keep herself busy. She loved Charlie because she was always willing to watch after Harmony and allow her to vent when she needed to. It made Erik’s absence a lot more bearable.Smiling at the thought of her husband, she sent him a quick text letting him know that she missed and loved him.

“Ok Chiron, let’s get this day started.”

After about three continuous hours of work, Hennessy took notice to how quiet it was in the dispensary. Fridays were usually pretty jam packed, mostly with younger patrons filling their prescriptions in preparation for the weekend, so the quiet was a bit startling. When she stood to investigate, she was pushed back inside by Raven.

“Call Mr. Stevens, now!” was all she said before running back out of the room. Hennessy was confused to say the least and was about to head out behind Raven until the sounds of screams and gunfire stopped her in her tracks. She panicked and fumbled with the buttons on her kimoyo beads, knowing this would be the quickest way to get in touch with her husband. Before she could complete the call she felt a sharp sting in her abdomen before the entire room went dark.

------------

The sunset was always the most beautiful thing to Erik about Wakanda. The way the pinks, golds, and oranges of the sky faded into a soft lavender signaling the beginning of nightfall would never get old to him. He was currently in his office of the great palace working on diplomatic trade agreements and missing his tiny doctor. His heart always missed her more when he was out of the country, mostly because he couldn’t just drive to her office to pester her while she worked. He glanced at his kimoyo beads, noting that it was 8:30 in the morning and that she had probably just made it to the office.

“I’ll let her get settled and then I’ll call her,” he thought aloud as he read over his emails. The trill of his kimoyo beads pulled him from work. She must’ve known she was on my mind he said before going to answer.

“Wassup Princess?” He asked before the line went dead. “Weird. Lemme call her back.” After a few failed attempts, he gave up thinking she might’ve mistakenly called him and went back to work.

T’Challa whistled cheerfully, leaving the throne room following a meeting with the council and the Jabari tribe. Challenge Day was coming up and he wanted to make sure everything was perfect. As he headed towards his cousin’s office, his mother stopped him with tears in her eyes.

“Mother, why are you crying?”

“T-There’s been an incident. The princess -,” she tried, but choked on her words.

“Did something happen to Shuri?” M’Baku inquired as he walked up to the pair. Ramonda shook her head no and attempted to explain what she had just saw once again, but again choked.

“I am fine, M’Baku,” Shuri’s voice called from behind her mother. The men noted that she had been crying as well.

“There was an active shooter in Hennessy’s lab. There were many casualties and she didn’t --”

T’Challa held his hand up before she could finish and held his mother while she wept.

“Does N’Jadaka know?” M’Baku asked.

“Is the palace collapsing?” Nakia quipped. T’Challa wiped his mother’s tears before straightening himself.

“I’ll tell him.”

“Are you sure, son?” T’Challa nodded before venturing down the hall.

“I’ll go with him,” M’Baku added as he followed. “He cannot throw me off a cliff.”

The walk to Erik’s office seemed a lot longer than usual. The men walked in stifling silence, dreading the beast that rested on the other side of the door. T’Challa knocked twice before walking into the office.

“N’Jadaka, we have some news,” M’Baku started.

“Wassup?” Erik asked not bothering to look up from his notes.

“Umm.. Well.. There was an active shooter..” T’Challa tried, finding the same difficulty his mother had when she tried to explain it to him.

“Uh huh,” Erik replied hoping they’d just say whatever they had to say so he could finish his notes and take the Talon back home.

“There’s no point in beating around the bush,” M’Baku rushed. “There was an active shooter at Hennessy’s lab. She along with several others didn’t..” he began choking up as well. “Fuck.. This is a lot harder to say out loud that I thought.” To their surprise, Erik began chuckling.

“That’s real funny, y’all. Princess called me not too long ago.”

“Did you talk to her?”

“No. The line went dead before…” He paused, realization suddenly flashing across his face.

“A-Ain’t no way..”

“We wouldn’t dare joke about something like this,” M’Baku added, sniffling softly.

“N-No.. Not my Shy..” tears clouded his vision as he looked down at his phone to see thousands of missed calls and messages from the other princesses. Erik ran as fast as he could to the Talon with the Dora hot on his tail. They made it back to the States in record time and Erik sped to the dispensary. The scene was surrounded with yellow police tape and bystanders trying to determine what had happened. Erik bypassed them all, pushing his way inside.

“Where is she?! Where the fuck is she?!” he screamed as he continued to push past the officers.

“Erik I can’t let you go in there,” Raven cried as she rushed to his side.

“I-I gotta see her, Rae. I have to,” he sniffled.

“Trust me, you don’t want to see her like that,” Raven pleaded again, holding her hands against his chest. It didn’t work. He continued forward, pushing Raven backwards in the process.

“Erik please.”

“Raven move!” he growled. Raven finally sighed and stepped to the side.

“Fine,” she sniffled. “She didn’t even make it out of her office.” Erik nodded, walking until he stopped at the doorway of the princess’s office. He stopped when he saw her, unable to contain his emotions. She was laying in a pool of her own blood, eyes still open and frozen in fear. Her denim shirt was bloodstained and there was a quarter-sized hole in her chest. He kneeled down next to her, lip quivering as he took in the scene. In that moment he was transported back to his apartment in Oakland, cradling her body the way he did his father’s when he found him. He rocked her body back and forth, trying in vain to wake her up. He kissed her forehead, then her nose, then her lips, hoping she’d start giggling like she would when he would do it in the morning, but she remained silent and still.

“B-Baby no. You gotta wake up. I-I need you.” He turned his head to see Raven standing in the doorway crying.

“I-I tried to distract him. I rushed in and told her to call you and I went back out and slipped on some blood that was on the floor and hit my head. When I came to, it was over. I’m so sorry, Erik.”

“I-It’s not your fault, but my daughter… Fuck man!”

------------

Night blanketed The Kompound in darkness. All the babies were sound asleep and each wife in her respective living quarters except Hennessy. The tiny doctor was in the greenhouse doing some research for her latest strain. Due to their time in the military as well as other life experiences, both Aly’Sha and Erik suffered terrible nightmares as a result of their PTSD. She was looking into a healthier method of curing the pair that didn’t involve unhealthy addictions to medications. Upstairs, Erik tossed and turned violently before shooting up out of his sleep. He was sweating and panting hard, frantically searching the room for any signs of his first wife.

“Shy! Hennessy!” he yelled, his fear heightening when he didn’t get a response. He quickly threw on a pair of joggers, sprinting downstairs at high speed. He caught a glimpse of her puff through the windows of her greenhouse and ran full speed until she was secure in his grasp.

“Erik what the hell?” she screeched, caught completely off guard by his outburst. He didn’t answer immediately, instead he buried his face in the bend of her neck.

“Oh, je croyais t'avoir perdu. Putain, mon cœur fait très mal.”

“Wait baby, slow down. What happened?” He bit his lip, trying hard not to cry as he stared down at her.

“I-I had a dream you got killed at the lab and it felt so real.. Fuck..” He held her tighter as she stroked his cheek.

“Aww baby. I’m right here, alive and in the flesh,” she cooed, gently massaging her fingers through his dreads. He hummed softly, rocking their bodies from side to side before moving to sit down on the lounge chair. He buried his face in her stomach, loving the way her plush body felt against him.

“I’m right here, Daka,” she kept repeating until she was sure he’d calmed down enough. He ran his fingertips over her legs and thighs before settling them around her waist.

“Can I be your shadow today?”

“After a dream like that, I don’t think you’d take no for an answer,” she teased, turning her attention back to her notebook.

“What you working on, Mrs. Genius?”

“A new strain. Working on something for sufferers of PTSD.”

“Ah. Have you started growing it yet?”

“Not yet, still researching.” He nodded again, softly nuzzling her stomach like a cat. He smiled down at him, mildly amused by his reaction to the dream.

“I can’t believe you thought I’d die by some punk ass active shooter. We survived the Thanos snap for crying out loud!”

“Technically I was cryogenically frozen,” he corrected, earning himself a smack on the head.

Translation:

Oh, je croyais t'avoir perdu. Putain, mon cœur fait très mal. (Oh, I thought I lost you. My heart hurts alot.)

Tags: @hearteyes-for-killmonger @trevantesbrat @blackpantherismyish @mareethequeen @muse-of-mbaku @blowmymbackout @forbeautyandlife @niggernextdoor @amethyst1993 @killmongersgurl @chaneajoyyy @killmongerdispussy @jozigrrl @thehomierobbstark @iamrheaspeaks @whatmoredoyouwantamericaa @madamslayyy @vikkidc @supersizemeplz @purple-apricots @panthergoddessbast @thadelightfulone

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

🏰⚔️🐲 DMODT- chapter 26 full

Eren was sure Rod would have continued to vent his frustrations against him, if not for Maria. Knocking on the open room door, Rod snarled as he turned to her "What?!" "The lady of the house is calling for you" "Fine" Turning back to spit the word at him, Rod stalked from the room. Maria made to take a step towards him, only for Rod to growl "Leave him. He brought this on himself" Slamming the door behind him, Rod made it clear that any chance of civil conversation was off the table. Huddled and broken on the floor, Eren still wanted to find a way to discuss what had happened. Rod seemed blind to the danger that Marley posed, and if Zeke had stolen other items from the castle, there could be a whole shitstorm of trouble coming. Or, that's what he would be thinking about, if he wasn't worried for Levi. He'd been so stupid... If he hadn't yelled, then Levi would be able to get help from Historia. He'd have a chance at... he didn't know what, but Historia would have been able to come up with something. She always did... and with Freya, and Ymir, maybe the could have even found a way to free Levi from his infection. Curling in on his pained body, small whimpers and whines came from the back of his throat with every movement. This wasn't the first time he'd taken a beaten, but it was the first time in a long time it'd hurt this badly. His dragon magic wasn't there to heal him, neither was his Eldia magic. Trapped and alone, all he could do was pray it wouldn't take too long to pass out from the pain. * Eren knew he was dreaming. The room before him was much like the throne room of Eldia castle, yet so much richer in colour. Banners of rich golds, reds and greens decorated the space, while a single throne sat at the end of a long red carpet. Upon it, Levi sat, yet it wasn't his boyfriend. Instead of Levi's warm smile, it felt cold and distant. Gripping the arms of the throne, Levi's hands were blackened, with long claw like nails clicking as he tapped his pointer finger against the polished wood. Dragging his pain twisted body towards Levi, the alpha rising from his throne silently. Levi's black clad form seemed even sleeker and more regal than Eren could ever remember, as he stumbled to a stop. Behind him, the alpha's black cloak rippled in an invisible wind, stopping just short of him, Eren licked his lips, trying to gather spit enough to speak "Beautiful beast. We meet again" "You're not Levi" "How very observant. You didn't seem to have noticed the first time" Eren coughed, the taste of blood rolling down the back of his thrown was revolting, shying away from Levi's form in both fear and disgust with himself. Reaching out a claw hands, the stranger gripped his chin "Don't turn from me. Do me this one thing" "Why? You're not Levi. Yet you wear my boyfriend's skin" "Perhaps I find you pretty. It is rare to see such a tall omega, like yourself. You are the pretty thing that's caught my eye" "Who.. are you?" "I think we both know that, but I am neither him, or your Levi, in entirely. Close your eyes child, what they have done to you is barbaric, but stay loyal by my side, and no harm will come to you" "No harm? You're using my boyfriend's body" "Not by choice... Though this is but a small sliver of my power. Now close your eyes" With a click, the cuffs around his wrists dropped, Eren's magic flooding back through him. With a popping and clicking, his body twisted as wounds were knitted back together, and his broken bones realigned. Unable to stand, the teen slumped against the man who wasn't Levi or Obsydin, whimpering in pain. It wasn't the usual soft warm sensation, that bloomed when he was in Levi's arms, stroking his hair, Obsydin clicked his tongue "No matter how time passes, there will always be those who enjoy the pain of others" Eren wanted to point out the dragons own crimes, but didn't dare in case the dragon hurt Levi in some way "Why...?" "Why what? Why are scared people act so cruel? Why did I do it? Why am I in your lover's mind? What do I want from you! You ask too many questions" Running his hand down from Eren's scalp, as long his cheek and then down his side to his arse, Obsydin squeezed firmly "I am one with your lover. Even now I can see how you lust for his body" Eren was certain he wasn't lusting for anything other than to see the real Levi "You're not him" "I am now" "I don't want you" "With time, that will change. You're shaking like a little forest animal in front of the big bad wolf. It is quite the tempting treat, but I fear if I devour it, I may gorge myself to oblivion between your legs. Return to your cell, but do not forget this. I am him and he is me. When he loses himself, I am there, to take the helm, slowly he will fall, they always do. As in the hours of wake, you are his, the hours of slumber make you mine" Around his throat started to burn. Shoving not-Levi away, his fingers clawed at the boiling skin around his neck. Whatever was happening, the man was doing was using his own magic to create it, yet he couldn't stop it "Wha..." "Just a little something to show you are ours. Now go. I tire your questions" Striking out, not-Levi's palm firmly hit his forehead. There was a moment of fearful falling, before he shot up in his cell gasping. Across the room, the door was open, while Sina's cuffs lay on the floor by his feet. Her light blue scales had been turned a smoky grey, most likely infected by Obsydin's manipulation. Slowly the teen gathered himself up, carefully stepping over the cuffs so as not to risk his own infection, though that seemed too late. This was the second time he'd met the dragon in Levi's mind... and both times... well, he'd helped him. With his fever, and now with the beating Rod delivered... but what he'd said last really stuck first and foremost in Eren's mind. When Levi lost himself or was sleeping, Obsydin rose... What did he mean by lost himself? Levi was Levi. He didn't like taking shit, but he cared about the freedom of Eldia deeply... If the ruling prince was to lose himself to madness, what happens then? And what happened to his Levi each time Obsydin reared his ugly head? He needed to find Levi... and Historia. Rod had made it clear that they weren't welcome, and it was possible Historia would catch a beating for "siding" with them. Making his way through the halls beneath the manor, Eren followed the twinges of his weird bond with Levi, which seemed to be on the move closer to him. Each step disagreeing with his exhausted body, but he had to see if his boyfriend was alright... and, if there were any traces of the man he loved, in Levi's eyes. Wandering through the halls, he found he wasn't the only one. Rounding the corridor into the hall he was sure would lead to Levi, Historia rushed to him "Eren! Oh my gosh, are you ok? You're covered in blood, here, let me help you" "It's healing... where's Levi? I need to see him" "Eren..." "Historia, I know. Levi's not ok... please, I need to see him" Looping her arm around his waist, Historia took most of his weight "You're covered in blood. Please, Eren. What happened?" He could lie... but at this stage, it was probably safer for Historia if she knew the truth "I'm leaving. I'm sorry, but I don't know if we're safe here any longer" "I..." "It's alright. I'm alright. It was just Sina's cuffs and a I just had a run in with the door" "Eren, no door did this" "Historia, please. I need to see Levi" "He's... he's been restrained, and seeing you, I can see why. He lost his temper and had to be restrained" Eren's heart sunk "It's in him. He's in him... I thought the first time was a dream, but this time... he's in him Historia and he's planning something" Historia stumbled at his words "I think you may be right. After you left, Erwin admitted that he'd placed two commands on you. Levi... he wasn't Levi" "Did he have dark claws? I mean... in my dreams he does" "Indeed, and he was so angered of the commands. Ymir struck Levi, which seemed to bring him back to consciousness, and he agreed to being restrained, but then..." "It's alright. I understand... I have to see him. I have to know if Levi's still in there" "He's sleeping" That was probably the worst thing possible right now. If Levi slept, Obsydin grew in power "Eren?" "I... need your help. Historia, I ran from him" "You ran from everything we tried to push on you too fast, here, this is the room he is in. We had to move the sword from his sight, when he lost his temper, he tried to get it from the sheath" "Did the seal hold?" "Yes, yet I fear it won't hold again" Probably not. He hadn't been in control when he'd shoved the stupid thing back into its sheath. If Obsydin wanted the sword, that couldn't be a good thing. Levi was changed to the bed with thick chains of magic, his lover's brow drenched in sweat. Sinking to sit beside Levi, his boyfriend roused. His pale grey eyes blinking at him, before a soft smile came to his lips "Eren" "Levi... how do you feel?" "I've been better. I don't think... I'm ok" "No. But you will be. I promise you that" Trying to reach up to cup his face, Levi's movements were stopped by his chains, the alpha frowning at them, before looking back to Eren's face "I... you're covered in blood. Did I...?" "No. No. This wasn't you. I promise" "Good. I couldn't live with myself if I had... but I will beat the living shit out of anyone who touches you" "I'm ok... I'm healing..." "It's not ok. I'm... I'm supposed to protect you, and yet, you've been dragged into this mess. Whatever this is. Perhaps it would be safer for you to stay here when we return to Eldia" Eren shook his head "No. I've been apart from you for so long" "Eren. Please. I'm not me anymore" "So?!" "So... I would rather let you go then risk causing you pain" "Levi..." "Do not think I haven't enjoyed my time with you, or that my affections weren't real. But this thing inside me, I cannot control it. So please..." Eren shook his head firmly "No. I will not leave you" "Eren, you're young. You don't know..." "I don't care! Now stop this" "Well I do! I'm a monster!" Eren deflated, shaking his head as he lowered it to Levi's chest. Levi was scared. Just as scared as he had been when his scales grew. This time, he wouldn't run, even to clear his head "You're not a monster. You're my boyfriend. My alpha and my rider" "I have nothing to give you" "I don't care" "I can't even give you myself" Tears welled in Eren's eyes, Levi was making everything sound so final "I don't care!" "Listen to me..." "No! No. You're the one thing in my life that is good. It is not your fault that you were infected! It's mine... it was all mine... I hurt the man I love..." "You didn't hurt me, but there is every chance I may hurt you" "I don't care" "Eren. My sweet omega..." "I don't care, Levi. You're angry and hurt! And you're scared! I know. I know you are, because I am too. But you didn't give up on me" "You're not giving up on me. I am telling you to" "No" "Eren" "I don't care! Why are we going around in circles over this?! Do you enjoy toying with my heart this way?! I love you" "Historia!" "Levi, no" "Historia, please remove Eren" Grabbing Levi's shirt, Eren buried his face against it "No" "Don't make me command you to leave" "No!" "Eren. I am ordering you to release me" Fighting to hold onto Levi's shirt, Eren shook his head "No! I don't care. We'll get through this together" "We can't. I'm not the man..." "And I'm not the omega you met! I have grown! I have worked so hard to master my magic! I worked so hard to be back by your side!" "And at what cost? I never should have encouraged your affections" Fighting the command hurt, his heart felt as if it was breaking. What had happened to his brave and strong boyfriend? It was barely a week ago that they were reconfirming their love "No" "Historia! Please remove Eren" Placing a hand on his shoulder, Eren shrugged off Historia touch "Levi, please don't do this" "I'm blacking out and having dreams of death. I will not subject you to these fits" "We'll find a way" "You don't know that" "I do!" He wasn't letting Levi get rid of him that easily. He wasn't leaving his alpha to suffer alone. Levi had stood by his side, and now Eren would stand by both of his "Eren, please. You're in pain, I can feel it. Let me help" "No!" "Historia! Take him now" Growling, Levi's fingernails started to grow as his scent began to change to something akin to sulfur. Hurled back by Historia, Levi's back arched off the bed, his spine cracking painfully as a wide smile formed on his lips. Struggling out of Historia's hold, Eren launched himself back at Levi's form "Give him back to me!" "Hello little omega... I'm afraid I can't do that just yet" "Give him back! You don't belong in this world anymore! You're dead! Smith killed you!" "And I'll kill him! The man who killed me with that cheap blow. He could never have taken me otherwise!" Historia grabbed his arm "Eren..." "Why are you doing this!?" "Why does anyone go to war? Now leave. He does not wish to see you" "What does that mean?!" Levi's eyes glowed, leaving up a snarl came from his boyfriend body, before an inhuman voice growled "Leave!" That was it for Historia. Almost crushing his arm in her hold, Eren was dragged from the room, Historia slamming the door closed behind them. Sinking down, Eren was shaking from head to toe. His omega was going crazy over their alpha's words. Whatever that was... Levi was still in there. Only his words could cut that deep, and with such ease... doubly so when Levi used a command. He'd promised... no commands. And now... "Eren?" "We have to help him. That. Levi is in there Historia. He's scared and he's alone. I don't care how much it hurts, and I don't care how much it costs me. I need your help. Please. There has to be a way to seal Obsydin. There has to be a way for Levi to be able to trust himself" "My father told you to leave, didn't he?" Eren nodded "He did. I have been banished, so whether Levi likes it or not, I'll be returning to Eldia" "What?! That's not fair!" "Historia, it's fine. Just please tell me there is a way we can help him" Historia extended her hand towards him "Possibly. For now, we need to get you cleaned up. Levi's blackouts seem to happen when his emotions are heightened, and you're a frightful sight" "I don't think your father will approve" "Good thing he isn't down here with us. I have always played the part given to me, but this... I will not allow my friends to be harmed" Taking Historia's hand, he let her pull him up "You can't. I'm sorry. But once we've figured how to help Levi, you can't be further involved. I will not have anything happening to you, not after you've been so incredibly kind and patient" "Eren" "No. This is an issue affecting the ruling Prince of Eldia. I don't things to dissolve into war. I'm sorry for asking for you help as it is. I'm just sure... that there has to be a way to seal Obsydin away" "Possibly. I'll consult with Freya, but as I said, first we need to get you cleaned up. These robes are a mess" "Your father won't like it" "Enough about my father. Come with me" * Cleaned of blood, Eren now found himself laying on the oracle's altar beneath the mansion. His heart was racing as he tried not to let his fear show. Upon emerging clean, Historia had taken control of the situation, the moment she'd seen his face and neck. Around his neck lay a collar of magic, that she couldn't remove, and the smaller of the scales beneath his eyes had been turned black. Levi's infection was spreading into him... Finally given a moment to sit and recover, Historia asked after his dreams, his two meetings with Obsydin. Eren had no idea what to make of it really, only that Obsydin had someone interest in him, which Historia made clear. Offspring. Obsydin's magic ran into dreams. Like the side effect of Historia's healing was her ability to read people, dragons back then were much more powerful, and though a storm dragon, he was able to make dreams a reality. He was able to use the nature of a dragon's magic, and bend it to his will. Through his bond with Levi, it was easy for the dragon's will to bleed into him. Now she was going to attempt to remove his infected scales, then use them as a base to seal the sword permanently. Neither of them knew it it would actually work out that way, and Freya couldn't join them as she was working on keeping Rod from finding out what they were doing, by organising the packing of the Eldia parties possessions, and making sure they were ready to leave once this was over "Eren, are you sure?" Nodding mutely, Eren's finger tips dug into the altar. Dragon scales were stubborn in human form, the power of the altar would help boost Historia's magic. Though there was another slight issue. They didn't know how it would work out, only that it would involve taking a part of his very soul "You. If this goes wrong, you could never bare a clutch of your own" "I know" "Eren, are you sure. I know you wanted children" This is why he'd wanted to keep his mouth closed... He may have wanted a clutch, but he wanted to support Levi more "If this can help Levi, I'll live without a clutch" "And you know if you are carrying, your eggs will pass with your next heat" Or his child. Either. If he was pregnant, this would abort it, but thanks to dragon biology, he'd have to wait until his next heat to know. Being more human than dragon meant Historia could only guess at the side effects, and with Freya busy, and Ymir off with Erwin, it was just the two of them. The way Historia was staring down at him so sadly hurt. He didn't want sympathy. He didn't want to start second guessing his choice. He wasn't supposed to have been Levi's to begin with, and when compared to the people of Eldia who needed their prince, he was no one "I know" "I..." "Historia, please. You're the only one I trust to do this" "I... I'm scared" "If I can't carry, it's ok. Levi is the only one I love, and if Obsydin can make dreams into reality, isn't it best I can't birth his clutch?" Dragon clutches were usually a dozen eggs, that fed off the parents magic. Not all eggs were viable, but still formed as a form of magic nourishment for the egg within as it expanded in the later stages of pregnancy. When a clutch was miscarried or aborted, the eggs never broke down, and were left to pass. Draecia had a hatchery filled with eggs that would never hatch, and those abandoned for whatever reason. If the mother or father abandoned their eggs, it was still possible for the egg to hatch, by the bond of their destined rider. As an outsider, Rod really hadn't wanted him near the eggs or hatchery, nor had he been happy that Historia had explained how things worked to him. The way he and Levi had gone at it... it was entirely possible he was carrying. Thinking about it too much hurt. His omega mourned the loss, before it was even a real consideration for him and Levi "I'm still sorry" "I'm not. I can't be... You can start now" Historia needed to start before he broke down. In his quite moments, Eren had imagined what it would be like to carry Levi's child, or a clutch. Even if their love couldn't be public, he still wanted that kind of future when the time was right... but with Levi scared of himself, they couldn't even have a relationship "This is going to hurt" "I know, but don't stop" Closing his eyes, Eren dug his fingertips harder against the stone. Eren didn't know if he, or Historia, was crying harder. Despite his best efforts, having his scales pried from his skin, one by one, hurt like a bitch. He couldn't pass out, or magic himself to sleep, given Obsydin would be there, so he could only focus on the pain and force his magic down. If Sina's tainted cuffs hadn't been tainted, they would have been perfect. Instead, he had to suffer through each agonising and bloody removal, while the magical collar around his neck grew tighter. The whole day had been fucked from beginning to end, and once this was over, he was tempted to pull another week long coma... but only once he was back in Eldia, when everyone he cared for was safe. Armin, Mikasa, and Historia included. When the scales were removed, Historia gently wiped the blood from his face. She looked so wracked with guilt, Eren couldn't look her in the eye. They hadn't even started the more dangerous of the process, sealing the sword and attempting to find a way to stop Levi worsening. Pained to the point of physical sickness, Eren felt bad for disrespecting the altar by vomiting off the edge of it, but the pain was extreme, and forcing his magic to stay under control wasn't the smartest of ideas. Rubbing his back, Historia gave him a few moments, until Eren flopped back onto his back "Eren, maybe we should stop. I've only removed the scales, but you've become so ill. It's not healthy to push yourself like this" "It's our only option..." At least his nape hadn't been infected with black scales... that was something "Besides, if I can't overcome something like this, I'll never be able to stand in Levi's shadow again" "But..." "Historia, we agreed you wouldn't heal me. We agreed to do this. Please... just a little more and it'll be done" "I'll retrieve the sword" "Thank you" Sealing the sword took most the night. Eren's magic slipping from his control, while his body was wrecked by spasms. The strain was also affecting Historia, fine fluctuations in her magic were growing more and more frequent. If it hadn't been for Freya coming to find them when they hadn't returned, or attending when Levi had started screaming, they probably would have failed. Adding a layer of restraint to his magic, Freya didn't fear infection, she also stepped into bluster Historia's magic, until the sword was finally sealed. The scale on the hilt cracking, while the removed scales first melded into the sheath, then up, as if forming a long egg around it, hardening into a solid mass in which prevented the blade ever being drawn. Eren could only hope that through their bond, Obsydin's hold on Levi was reduced. Boneless on the altar, Eren whimpered as Freya brushed his hair back from his burning forehead "Eren?" Coughing, Freya half kneaded to cradle him, moving closer to him to hear his whisper "Levi... please" "You want to go to Levi?" That was all be wanted. He wanted to be in Levi's arms, and was too exhausted to move. Whining in pain as Freya moved to lift him, her touch reminded him so much of his mother's. He felt safe in her arms, but not as safe as he would in Levi's. Freya carried him to Levi's room, helping him strip off the light tone he'd ruined during the ceremony. Whether it be screaming, or the effects of the ceremony, his alpha was fast asleep. Loosing the chains of magic binding Levi, he wasn't freed, but freed enough to wrap his arms around Eren as Freya settled him down, without waking "The preparations have been made. We'll come for you at first light" Eren mumbled out a grunt of a "thank you", melting into Levi's arms. He couldn't give this us. Not Levi's warmth. Not his touch or soft breathing "I'm just sorry it came to this. Sleep well" * Soft brown hair tickled his nose, as he breathed in Eren's scent. Nuzzling into Eren's shoulder, his hold on the teen tightened. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept soundly, not since the last time he'd had Eren in his hold. He couldn't even find the effort to care about what came next. Whining softly, Eren wriggled back against him "Mmm... Master?" "I'm here" Rolling in his arms, Eren gave him a dopey smile, before rolling completely to face him "How do you feel?" "I haven't slept that well in days" "No bad dreams?" "Not that I remember" Brushing the teens hair back from his face, Eren looked as if he needed a months worth of sleep "How about you?" "I don't think I dreamt at all... but if this is a dream, I don't want to wake up" Running his hand down Eren's side, Levi realised Eren was naked. Not that he was complaining, but he was confused. He'd been restrained, but now he had enough space to twist and to hold Eren comfortably "What happened?" Yawning, Eren reached up to bop him on the tip of his nose. Something about his whole aura seemed to lift as he stared into Levi's eyes "Magic. We're leaving today" "We are?" "Mhmm... You were sleeping so soundly, I didn't wish to wake you" "And now?" And what came now? He should really stop rubbing at Eren's arse, and ask for answers, but Eren seemed so happy... even after the things he'd said... he'd come back to him "Now, I want to tell you I love you" "But..." "Levi, it's going to be ok" Searching Eren's eyes, Eren nodded "How?" "Magic. We'll talk once we've returned to Eldia" "Can it wait that long?" "It can. I promise. Your lack of bad dreams tells me it wasn't in vain... and the way you're rubbing my arse... it makes me want my boyfriend" "I'm still your boyfriend? I acted..." He was ashamed by how he'd acted. Eren pressed his lips to his, the kiss was soft and warm before it broke "You acted as I did when I first grew scales. Scared and thinking leaving was the best idea. But we're bonded, and I'm not ready to give up on that" "I could hurt you" "And I could hurt you. I could have hurt you a hundred times over" Nudging his back, Eren climbed into his lap. The smell of sweet slick pouring out from under the disturbed blankets. His omega sitting up straight, exposing his perfect body and thick dick... God. He was beautiful. Everything about him was perfect. Running his hands up Eren's sides and down to his arse, he really wasn't sure... "Eren" "Don't. Please. Please, don't through me away. I'm not exactly human, and just because you're a little bit cursed, doesn't mean I don't care any less about you" "But your magic..." "I've taken precautions. I won't let him win, Levi. So please. Let me be with you" Tugging the drawstrings of his pants undone, Levi rose his hips enough for Eren to free his hardening erection. He really shouldn't be doing this... but he couldn't find it in himself to deny Eren. It'd been hard enough the first time. His heart had felt as if it had shattered, and using a command... It was like he was betraying his love, but he knew how much of a stubborn shit Eren could be. He would risk everything, while not caring for himself. Starting to jerk him slowly, Levi let out a deep groan "Eren..." "Let me take care of you" "We..." Leaning down, Eren's kiss was hard and firm. His brat was leading him astray, and driving his rationality from his mind... and he knew it. Breaking the kiss with a smirk, Eren climbed back in his lap as he manoeuvred himself to sit with his back towards him. Looking over his shoulder, Eren leaned down, arching his back and pushing his arse out "Master, you're my alpha. And as my alpha, you're supposed to take care of me. So... Fuck me, from behind" There wasn't the slightest hint of shame... there never was when it came to sex. Even when Levi had to piss... but the sight in front of him... "I never said we were having sex" "After what I've been through, I could use a dose of your knot. I want to feel you. Our bonds been so weird. And this... is us. I want to feel you. I want you, master. No matter what. I want to be yours, and face the future with you... it's ok. You're not going to hurt me. I've made sure this is safe" Which was what? How, even? What precautions had Eren taken? And what did his dreams have to do with anything? And was this a dream? He wouldn't be surprised. Eren was so soft and warm... everything his life had been missing "What you've been through?" "I'll tell you, if you touch me" "You're a cocky little shit" "I'd rather your cock fucking me where I shit" Wriggling, Eren presented him soaking wet arse "Fuck, brat" "Exactly..." He gave in. He couldn't help himself. Buried in his omega's heat, it was hard, fast and messy as hell, Eren begging "for more" and for him "not to stop", the omega had no filter and Levi couldn't stop. Eren's magic flooded through both of them, their bond felt better and clearer than it had in days. Knotting his omega, Eren kept trying to ride him, even once they'd both come. Seated in his lap, Eren nuzzled into his cheek "We should fuck more and talk less" "No. You said you'd tell me what happened. Now start talking" "It's complicated" "If you've done something, I deserve to know. And while I'm at it. I'm sorry for yesterday. That command... it was cruel" "You were scared. I'm scared too. But we found a way to lessen the effects of what's happening to you" "I don't even know what's happening to me" Eren sighed, taking Levi's hands and interlacing their fingers as he placed their hands on his stomach "You were infected with Obsydin. Great big old cranky dragon of doom. Well. He's set up castle in your head, so when you get overly emotional or sleeping, he comes to the surface. Basically, we found a way to pull the infection from our bond then use that to block him from fucking with you or the sword" Eren kissed his cheek. How his brat made it sound so simple, he didn't know "Now. All of this was thanks to Historia and Freya. Historia figure it out. Rod Reiss however doesn't want us here anymore. I've been banished and if I come back, Draecia will go to war with us. That's why we're leaving before Rod can lose his shit again" Levi drew his brow... there was a certain fear in Eren's scent each time he said "Rod" "Yesterday. You came here covered in blood" "He and I had a disagreement over the fact Zeke wanted the sword. He didn't want to hear about the dangers" Levi snarled, half going to rise before remembering he was buried in Eren, and that he was restrained "That fucker" "It's ok... I mean. It's taken care of" "Eren, it's never ok. You don't need to be scared. You don't need to be worried about that... no. You shouldn't be worried about that. You deserve so much more. Nothing is ever, ever, worth your health" "You are. And avoiding war is" Going to war with Draecia was like begging to be erased from the map... Why did Eren have to care so much? "Please. I'm scared I'll hurt you as it is" "You won't, and if anything happens, I'll be by your side to help you deal with it" "I don't know what will be waiting when we return home. Hanji is in command while we're gone. It was only supposed to be a 10 day trip" "I'm sorry. I didn't plan for your plans to go awry" "No. You're not to blame" "I am" There it was... Eren being an idiot again. This one... this issue was going to take a while for Eren to come to terms with, so if the brat was going to insist on remaining by his side, then he was going to have to admit that he wasn't to blame.

[redefiningthirtysomething]

I’m only Human

Yesterday it was my Moms birthday and she had a little dinner celebration with close family and friends. I was so excited to go and finally have some time with my sister, mom and some of our family friends. We are a loud family and even though we aren’t’ many, we can sure throw a party. It was small, but very fun. Well, at least what I got to enjoy from it.

I think Olivia must have been tired, I am assuming she was because she was not a very happy baby last night, I might add that she already doesn’t vibe with my family, I don’t know why but she gets scared of my mom, her grandma … maybe we are too loud, I don’t know .. Whatever the case may be, she just absolutely cannot stand it. BUT she has no choice, she has to get used to it.  So, first off she wasn’t having being picked up by ANYONE other than myself or Bella and dad. So I brought down her walker, we keep one at my mom’s house for emergencies. She was in her walker for a good I’d say 20 minutes before she wanted out. I fed her some baby cookies and breast fed her, which is what she needed because she seemed to calm down after that. I took her upstairs to do a diaper change and outfit change since we were outside and it was kind of cooling down. When we returned to join the party, she was fussy and I knew she was getting tired, she rubs the back of her head when she’s sleepy and she was non-stop almost pulling her hair out. I fed her again as a comfort feed to help her fall asleep and then I walked her around the outside of my mom’s condo complex. SHE would NOT fall asleep. She was fighting it with every inch of her tiny little soul. The party moved inside since it was getting cold and that’s when the real party started happening, they turned up the salsa music and everyone was dancing, laughing and drinking. It was a fun night and everyone was having a great time. Well, everyone except for me.

Eli and I traded on and off, but she really only wanted me. The condo was stuffy because of all the dancing around and I was sweating. People kept trying to chat with me but I couldn’t hear them over the loud music and I didn’t want to yell. Bella was annoyed because she was the only kid and she was complaining about I don’t even know what, so she hung out in my mom’s bedroom and watched TV in there. She wanted to go home. Olivia finally fell asleep in my arms, music and all, so I had the great idea of taking her to my mom’s room and laying her down next to Bella. Bella will often help me with her so we can get a little break, by little it’s usually 5 min tops, lol but I asked her if she can watch her while she slept. She agreed as she was annoyed herself and was going to stay in the room anyway. I was excited she finally fell asleep and I could finally mingle with our friends and family. WELL, that did not go as planned. As soon as I walked into my mom’s room oh so very carefully and quietly, she woke up. She woke up and immediately knew my plan. She looked at my like hell no, lady. She started crying and wailing and just-not-having-it. I lay with her in bed and thought ok, I’ll comfort feed her and she’ll fall asleep; never happened. She wasn’t going to fall asleep. She would close her eyes and as soon as I detached, BOOM … she would start crying again and as soon as I stuck the nip in her mouth she was ok and happy, even smiling.

After about I’d say 20 minutes of trying and failing, and trying to sneak out and failing …. I just gave up. I picked her up and I gave Eli the Lets go Look. I was SO frustrated. I didn’t get a chance to celebrate with my mom, hang out with my sister, and talk to our friends and family… I was constantly just trying to keep the baby from crying. We got home and I was so over it. I laid the baby down, and I had to feed her so she can fall asleep. I had to be loving, soothing mom but inside I was annoyed and frustrated. I felt a knot in my throat like I wanted to cry, maybe out of frustration or maybe out of exhaustion. I had to also wake up early because I worked the next day, I had been working 14 days straight without rest all while still doing my night feeds. I wanted to have some adult time, even if it was just a little bit, but no. I haven’t had a date night in 8 months. It’s been hard, and I know I’m venting. I love my baby girl and I do understand that when you become a parent things change. I have a 9 year old, but she was very different. She was easy. She went with my mom, she slept at parties, and she was so chill. My little Olivia, she’s sweet and happy, but she doesn’t trust easily and that’s ok, I love her for who she is. But, all I wanted was just a little me time, to let loose and laugh and maybe dance a little. I was literally in a corner, bundled up breastfeeding, still in my work clothes and sweating, basically whispering underneath the loud music. I couldn’t NOT go; it’s my MOM’s birthday.

I don’t know if she will grow out of this. I hope she does, but if she doesn’t? I don’t even know how to discipline a baby of this age if I am being completely honest. We tried not picking her up and letting her cry in her crib for 1 minute. When we did finally pick her but she was so mad she cried for 2 hours after that, even while holding her and trying to soothe her, she was mad crying, I am not even kidding. She was pissed! I guess we will just have to take it day by day and try not to lose my shit. I swear I love this mom gig, I always wanted to be a mom, but I feel like my patience and my sanity are being tested. I am exhausted.

I am only human.

[bookmawkish]

Alien anatomy reprise: He Definitely Isn’t (Loki/Heckyl)

@worldoftherandom you wanted, I deliver (eventually - writing has not been happening this past week or so)

All the Loki/Heckyl stuff

For once, it isn’t Tony who starts it.

The Tower is a rumour mill of truly epic proportions. It’s worse than school. If Thor spills egg on his shirt in the basement TV den at noon, Clint will be making shockingly bad Instagram memes about eggs from his rooftop haunt by 12.05. If Natasha happens to return from lord-knows-where in a yellow hoodie rather than a grey one, everyone is calling her Little Miss Sunshine within an hour (except perhaps for Bruce, who doesn’t feel it’s worth the risk).

It’s probably their lifestyle that artificially inflates this. When you spend your working hours fighting evil and saving the world, it can come as a huge relief if all you’re obsessing about for once is why Steve didn’t say “hi” to you that evening on his way out of the gym.

 Clint is having breakfast. It’s almost eleven in the morning, but this hardly matters. Breakfast is breakfast. Not “brunch” or “early lunch” or even “elevenses” if you’re being all British about it. If it’s the first thing you’re eating after you wake up, it’s breakfast. He’s perched on the breakfast bar in the kitchen with his feet up on the chrome back of a barstool chair, digging into a bowl of granola. It’s not even his granola. It’s some of Steve’s patented I run sixteen miles before I even get out of bed trail mix protein bomb stuff.

So he has a perfect vantage point to watch Heckyl when Heckyl comes in, and Heckyl looks like being out of bed is an effort today. His blue-and-brown hair is fussed up into all manner of unruly spikes, and he’s rocking a student-hobo-bedtime chic look of somewhat ratty navy-and-red towelling robe over turquoise singlet and black shorts. Bare feet. Robe tie undone and dragging on the floor.

Clint does not say good morning. He and Heckyl are not friends. They tolerate each other in the same manner as one tolerates the disreputable best friends of one’s siblings - in other words, at arm’s length and with cool disapproval.  

However, he still watches as Heckyl starts raiding the cupboards and the fridge. Watching Heckyl eat is always a spectacle worth paying attention to. Clint’s never seen anyone - alien or not - who can eat like Heckyl and still look like he weighs 140 pounds soaking wet. Heckyl could eat the whole carton of Steve’s special granola and then go for three rounds of fruit toast with a side of bacon. And probably an omelette.

Heckyl ferrets in the cupboards with apparently growing dissatisfaction. He pulls out cereals. Energy bars. A loaf of sourdough, and a bunch of jars of peanut butter, jelly, honey, chocolate spread. Then, apparently frustrated, he turns on the fridge, scooping out eggs, bacon, pickles, mushrooms, milk, yoghurt, and - Clint is sure this is going to mark the end of the search - a tube of readybake cinnamon roll dough. Cinnamon rolls are like Heckyl’s Kryptonite. He is physically incapable of passing a Cinnabon without going in, and he won’t be budged until he’s eaten at least three.

Heckyl examines the tube with a squint of concentration, and gives a short sigh. Then he sets it down on the counter and shuffles back out of the kitchen, the robe tie trailing behind him on the floor like a sad cat’s tail. The door bangs.

Clint, wide-eyed, drops his spoon into his bowl with a clink.

 “...for space babies.”

Bruce gives up. Whatever stupidity this is that Tony’s been rambling about for the past five minutes has finally reached fission: a level of bizarre so acute that it cannot be allowed to pass. There’s nothing else for it. He’s going to have to engage with it or it may never end.

“Okay,” he says. “Run that by me again.”

Tony gives him a bland, big-eyed look.

“It hurts me,” he says. “No, no, it really does. Is a little attention too much to ask? Especially at this difficult time.”

“What -” Bruce resists the urge to massage his temples. “What difficult time.”

“So Heckyl is pregnant and we’re going to have to make some changes around here. Come on. Work with me.”

Bruce genuinely has no idea what to say about this. There is nothing sensible that can be said. He mentally goes through a few options, rejects them methodically one by one.

“Heckyl.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Clint knows everything. So about the -”

“Pregnant.”

“I’m starting to worry about your hearing, Big Green.”

“Has it escaped your attention,” says Bruce, very calmly and slowly, as if he’s placating an agitated lunatic (what a concept), “that Heckyl is male.”

“What? No. Of course not. Obviously -”

“And gay. Very, very gay. To the extent of sleeping regularly with another male.”

“Genius. I can now see,” says Tony, flatly, “what it is you spent all your time studying during  your, what is it, seven million doctorates. Alien biology. Not human. Alien. And need I remind you that Loki, Heckyl’s equally alien cuddlebunny, has previous form for not only being pregnant and switching genders, but successfully bearing children. It’s all in the original Norse version of People magazine, you should look it up sometime.”

Bruce gives this due consideration.

“Then isn’t it more likely that if either of them were pregnant - and this is not me saying that they are - that it would be Loki who was carrying the child?”

“Ah,” says Tony, wagging a finger, “but it isn’t Loki who was in the kitchen this morning scrabbling around for weird food-craving combinations like onions and cereal and then turning down a cinnamon roll. A cinnamon roll. He didn’t eat breakfast, Bruce.”

Bruce blinks.

“Oh,” he says, in a very different tone to previous. “Okay. Wow. That’s - ”

Tony nods solemnly, then breaks into a huge grin. “So now can we talk about cribs for space babies? I have this set of plans I was gonna use on a better mousetrap but I’m pretty sure I can tweak it to be - “

 Loki knows something’s up with the rest of the Avengers today but he doesn’t know what it is, and that irritates him almost beyond measure.

For example: Clint has been following Heckyl around since this morning. Heckyl has noticed this and isn’t pleased. But since Clint isn’t actually doing anything other than surveillance, it’s hard to know what to yell at him about. And Loki likes to tailor his verbal attacks. So he settles for chaperoning Heckyl into his bedroom and placing a particularly nasty magic trap in the ceiling vents.

For example: Bruce Banner has been very pushy about inviting Heckyl down to the lower ground floor lab to play with the medical scanner. Heckyl, while not being stupid by any stretch of the imagination, finds nearly everything Bruce does in the lab insanely dull. He has never shown any interest in a tour. There is no reason for him to go now. He doesn’t want to go.

For example: Stark has been texting him constantly with increasingly strange and asinine queries. What is Loki’s favourite colour. Whether or not Heckyl approves of plastics. Approves? Loki is baffled. How can plastic know whether or not it is approved of? The average weight of baby Frost Giants, and baby Asgardians. When it gets down to a request for popular traditional lullabies of Jotunheim, Loki turns his phone off.

And then - then everything seems to fit together, very suddenly. And Loki allows himself the smallest of smiles.

He goes back to his room, wherein Heckyl has returned to bed and isn’t showing any signs of wanting to move. He’s curled up in the blankets, propped up against a bunch of pillows, flicking aimlessly with the TV remote until he settles on Kitchen Nightmares. Loki sits down next to him and watches Gordon Ramsay for a bit in companionable silence, then:

“You’d better get up,” he says. “Those idiots think you’re with child.”

Heckyl seems to give this thought, then unearths a hand from his blanket nest long enough to make a bored flicking gesture that encompasses his whole body. 

“That’s not how any of this works.”

“I know.”

“I’ll be fine once the energy flow unblocks. It happens sometimes.”

“I know.”

Heckyl makes a rude noise.

“Morons.” He cranes his neck to regard Loki, somewhat sullenly. “Why does any of this mean I have to get up?”

“Well, I suppose that depends. Do you wish to spend the next nine months being prodded, poked and intensively probed by a gleeful Stark about the gory details of procreation in your species? Or do you want to get up right now to evidence your inevitably disappointing lack of gravidity?”

Heckyl wrinkles his nose, thoughtful.

“Or,” he says, wriggling his shoulders back into the pillows comfortably, “we could think up an elaborate pregnancy tradition that involves us being given a lot of very expensive gifts. For a year.” He smiles. “I could be appallingly hormonal and demanding.”

Loki smirks and leans in to brush a brief kiss to his brow.

“Why, darling,” he purrs, already tensing to dodge the inevitable follow-up, “who’d notice the difference?”

[overthinkingmarguerite]

My friends are the best

I literally don’t know what I would’ve done without their support

My boyfriend (I guess now my ex) (cool now I can say I’ve got exes I guess) was selfish in how he acted and I now see how cruel what he did was. That’s all thanks to my lovely and dear friends who have not left me alone since I called my best friend while bawling my eyes out and feeling like I was dying

He calls me up. We had been doing great. Due to the honours programme I had been under extreme pressure, and due to ever stronger family and hometown issues I was struggling quite a lot. But I’m strong and I’m clever and I was doing all I could. I thought he’d support me. Apparently not. I don’t even know why he left me yet. I refused to let him talk.

He calls me up. We talk about life about everything. About the concert we were going to, the concert of our favourite artist. The artist he introduced me to because he had heard a song from him and thought of me. “Give me every person in the whole wide world and I’d pick you up in a second girl”. He gave me vinyls of this artist. He had also given me vinyls of la la land soundtrack which was the movie we went the day he became my boyfriend. My Ma****.

We kept talking. About how stressed I was for my Friday deadline. About what research question sounded best. About our Vienna vacation... indeed he confirmed the days chosen were perfect for him.

We kept talking, he asked a few times: when are you coming to (the city we study in and live in). The city we built a life in together. Stupidly enough maybe, I should have seen that having him around so much, having us be as if we lived together this year, would not be good. All the things I’ve built, everything from how I schedule to go out with my friends, to when I schedule to go home. Or to make the Good Diner. Or to study. Or to go to extra lectures. I mean who am i gonna go to extra lectures with now? To the restaurant? To concerts. Ugh. I’ll think about that later.

I told him, to answer his question, which he kept insisting on, “tomorrow but it’s only to see the writing advisor’’ “maybe do a little ethnography to have more data” “I mean you can come down and just give me a kiss and then we’ll really see each other on thirsday’’. Silly billy me 🙃 I thought he was eager to see me as always, I mean he had kept telling me all weekend how much he missed me... I thought as always when we don’t have time we’ll just meet each other halfway on our bikes, get down, kiss, hold each other, talk for 5 minutes, kiss, hold, say goodbye and cycle away.

Then he said, after I told him once again “you know this is what I’m talking about when I ask you to be more verbally affectionate”. He’d always been so romantic, he always showed his love for me in the most wonderful ways. Flowers, doing dishes, sharing with me his joys and hobbies, massages for my sick back, learning our love song on his new ukulele (that was two weeks ago) bringing junk food, letting me pick the movie when he knew it would be a Disney again, hearing to me talk endlessly without sighing, laughing at my jokes and funny moves and looking at me with those sweet sparkling eyes.

However he had recently been less verbally expressive with his love for me. I had had a rough time and thus we had had a rough time, but we talked and we were making efforts. And one of the things I insisted on was that. Just, tell my I’m beautiful, nice, affectionate, wonderful, funny, that you love my passion and my eyes and my body and my brain! Tell me you live me more than anything, the me you are in love with me, tell me you are crazy about me! Fucking lie to me: tell me I’m perfect! Was that so hard? Is that what made you leave? Am I so repulsive?

Anyway... he calls me, we talk, I do something, he doesn’t react, I remind him I’ve shown him my concerns regarding telling me nice things. And then the dreaded words “about that... we need to talk”

We need to talk? Really? What happened now? Did I do something? Oh god what is it? “Not right now, when we see each other” Okay? So it’s that bad???? Is there a complaint? Will this be an argument? Or worse will he ask for a break???? I would rather not have him lie next me after we come home from the concert if we have just argued and ruin the night...

“No tell me now! It’s better” (silly me)

and then about how he felt weird about us this weekend and he could see I wanted him to say things but he just couldn’t. And then me going into warrior mode, thinking about how hurt I was with my ex. And I laugh hysterically. “I’m not gonna break up with you! If that is how you want it you have to do it” “you cannot play with my feelings” then him “I’m not even sure i want to break up with you” and then “well honey come back to me when you’ve decided” and hanging up.

I told him, after hanging up on his calls 10 times and calling my best friend in sweats, he could call me again if he wanted. He answered, said he wanted things to be over. I told him I loved him, that I was happy and I didn’t understand I thought he was too. I didn’t expect that. This weekend, last week, everything? Had that been a lie? All that happiness? How could one person wake up and say such beautiful things to me and 6 hours later say such painful things? My body ached, I couldn’t breathe, I wanted to yell and cry and say a part of me was being ripped out of my damn ribcage.

I asked him are you certain. I asked again. I asked if he wouldn’t prefer a break. We could fix this if only he communicated... “ did you talk to someone?” thinking maybe someone pushed him to do this... he said no... I said “you should, this is not a decision to be made lightly”. I mean yes we’re young it’s not the end of the world but we are also each other’s first serious relation; and each other’s support in our city; and we partically live together; and that has been more than two years of our lives. I asked again “are you 100% sure with this decision?” “Yes” “do you still love me?” He looked down, i knew immediately I shouldn’t have asked. I hurried up to tell him to please not answer. I should never forget: don’t ask questions you do not want the answers to.

He wanted to talk... I wouldn’t let him. I told him, to me talking will only be beneficial if it is to try to fix things. If you are absolutely certain you do not want to be with me anymore then why talk? Just so he could vent to me? Just so I could reassure him and he could tell me everything that was wrong with me and us. And hurt me and hurt me and hurt me again. Just so he could feel better about himself. Because I know he doesn’t have anyone with who he can talk about this. (Sadly enough for me, pathetically enough, I keep feeling sad for him, thinking he’s probably in need of someone to talk to, I should messages his cousin or his friend, I should message him, I should be there for him, even tho I’m the thing he wants out)

So I hung up. And I cried, and cried, and cried. I called for help. I felt like fainting. I felt like oxygen no longer existed. First thoughts? Running to my mother. Crying in her arms. Second thought? I don’t understand, i thought we were happy, last week was so happy, the messages of the weekend, the dog photos he sent me because he saw dogs and he knew it would make me happy? The sweet voice message from this morning? Thursdays concert? Vienna? How can this happen? This is not happening. This is not happening. How could it? It’s not possible. He will change his mind. Why is this happening? Is it my fault? I don’t understand? What did I do? What happened, what happened, this is not happening.

My rescue cavalry arrived. I cried the whole afternoon. My friend left. I cried the next day waking up. I went to my university town for my meeting. I went him and with my mothers help removed the box of photos of us and me and him he had sent to be printed through a special service and gave to me last week. I removed the pictures from the walls, the letters from the nightstand drawer, the birthday card, the teacups, his towel, his pajama, his flip flops, his toothbrush... I walked to my faculty. Every student in a suit made me shiver. Could it be him? I had to be alone to walk to my faculty I cried a little. I couldn’t breathe and I still hadn’t eaten since the day before. I met with my professor, I managed to remain okay. At the end of the meeting I close my notes and see my screen image. Him. Us. Disney. What a wonderful time that was. I broke down in front of the front office lady. Quickly ran back to my car.

Ugh I had written more but I was erased. This was initially just to write a few lines to vent but turns out it helped venting it all out.

I conclusion I’m dumb and want him to change his mind and be like oh these days without talking to her are hell. But fear he’s actually happier... or is taking to somebody else to compensate...

I need to get over this. He is selfish. I have been unable to work on my research paper for tomorrow which lens I am going to have to fail it. It makes me so stressed and angry. He could have waited.

Also I gave him many chances to communicate. If we were on trial period I needed to know. I needed to know everything was not perfect. Now I’m devastated. He betrayed me and broke a dozen promises we had made that we would communicate and tell each other if there was any doubt. It would be better to hear there was doubt and have a chance to fix it than losing each other forever.

I am worth more than how he handled these past weeks. I thought everything was fine. He was a better liar and hypocrite than I thought. Either this is indeed an over the weekend over an hour decision. And then he is an idiot. Or it was well prepared and thought over. And then he is an asshole for not telling me earlier, and for telling me during my exam, when he knows how I react to things emotionally.

I will be better. I will find hapinesss. I will learn to be alone again. I will find someone else. Someone as perfect, someone who I also think to be the man from my childhood dreams. Someone who wears suits and is classy and old fashioned, someone who likes music and plays an instrument, someone who understands sinuses problems and maybe even back problems too. Someone who likes culture and museums and concerts and theatre and dancing. Someone who likes good food and wine. Someone like him, but better for me. Someone who will communicate, who will not leave me because I’m going through a difficult time, who will not feel bad because I have higher grades than him, because I have more friends in our university city than him. Someone who will not tell me he doesn’t understand and to calm down when I’m having anxiety. Someone who will not mock how I am socially because he knows the introvert me, because I was comfortable enough around him to be like I am when I am alone. Someone who will know not to hurt me during wrong times. Someone who will respect my boundaries. Someone who won’t be weirdly jealous. Someone who will understand my culture and thus my relationship with my mother. Who will not be weirded out by my relationship with my dog. Who will not bring attention to him and how it makes him sad and how he is confused when I am the one telling him I’m feeling unwell. Someone who will love me for who I am, flaws, illnesses, anxiety, family problems, traumas, phobias and all.

[projectclockwurk]

Be Careful What You Wish For

My mother always told me to be careful what I wished for. I should have listened to her. But does anybody ever really listen to advice like that, especially when they’re young? I’m sure many don’t and neither did I because I ended up wishing for something I regretted later. I wished for a younger sibling.

I got my brother about a year after I made my wish and I almost immediately resented him. Everything became about him and rarely was any attention ever focused on me anymore. It was always ‘the baby this’ and ‘the baby that.’ I would ask my parents to help me out with my homework and it was never the right time because ‘the baby needs me right now, Kate.’ I hated him. Keenan was a goddamn great big wound on my life.

It got worse as the years passed. Keenan could do no wrong. I, on the other hand, was blamed for anything and everything and seen as the problem child. I guess in a way it was a good thing though, at least my parents were giving me some attention, even if it was lectures and screaming matches when I tried to defend myself.

It was always impossible for me to view my brother in a positive light. I know you should love your siblings as long as they’re not abusive assholes, but it was so hard for me to love him. Especially when I had to cancel all my plans to watch him like I did just a month ago.

Mom and Dad wanted to go out to celebrate my dad getting a new and prestigious client at his firm. Celebrating meant no kids allowed because they wanted to go hit the casino about two hours from us and that meant I’d have to watch my brother all night. Just my luck.

When they left, I sat my brother in front of the TV and went upstairs to talk to my friends through Skype. I ranted about how much I hated having to be the parent all the time when it came to Keenan and how sick and tired I was of never getting to go out and have fun anymore. They could only say how sorry they were. It felt like hollow sympathy.

Eventually I got tired of that too and went back downstairs to make food. It was just spaghetti, something quick and easy and that I knew Keenan liked.

“I don’t want spaghetti,” he complained when I set the plate down in front of him.

“Well too bad, eat it.”

“But I don’t want it.”

“I made it and you’re going to eat it.”

“But Mom always makes me something else,” he said softly, poking the food with his fork.

“I’m not Mom, so just eat it!”

“I don’t want to!”

“Keenan, if you don’t eat, you can go to bed right now and go hungry the rest of the night. I don’t care.”

He puffed out his cheeks in annoyance but at least he started to eat. Mom and Dad babied him far too much but the behavior he got away with with my parents wasn’t going to fly with me.

He was quiet while he ate; his face eventually relaxing and once he was done, he gently placed his plate and utensils in the sink and thanked me, giving me a great big smile, the only way he ever smiled. Most would think it’s sweet. I didn’t think that.

Keenan went back into the living room and I was left to clean up the kitchen. I heard him start up his little toy car and had to bear the annoying little sounds it made as it zipped around.

I was just finishing up when I heard a crash. I ran into the living room to see Mom’s favorite vase had been knocked over and shattered; Keenan’s toy car had crashed into the table it sat on. I had told mom time and time again that the table was far too fragile.

I was furious. I just knew I’d get in trouble for this even if I left the stupid car where it was.

Keenan was looking at me with those big, brown eyes of his. He looked about ready to cry.

“I’m sorry, Kate. I didn’t mean to.”

“If you were really sorry, you’d stop doing this!” I screamed. “You’re always breaking things and I get in trouble for it! I’m so sick of it, Keenan! I am sick of you! I wish I had a different brother, or better yet, none at all!”

“Kate,” Keenan whined. I could see tears now.

“I don’t want to hear it from you, go to your room!”

He bolted up the stairs and I heard his bedroom door slam shut. Maybe I was being too harsh, yelling at an eight year old like that, but I didn’t care. I was angry and had to clean up the vase and prepare myself to get yelled at in the morning when my parents returned.

I ended up going to bed after throwing away the shards. I was still fuming and wanted to sleep off the headache I had given myself. I didn’t get to though.

About an hour after I fell asleep, I heard knocking at my door.

“Kate,” Keenan whispered. “Kate, can I come in?”

“Go away.”

“Kate, please. There’s somebody outside my window.”

“That’s not funny.”

“I’m serious.”

With a sigh, I got up and opened the door. He darted in and jumped onto my bed.

“Oh no, you’re not staying in here. Come with me so I can show you nothing is there.”

He hesitated until I took a step towards him. Then he was scrambling off the bed and taking my hand to lead me to his room.

Pushing back the curtains, I looked out into the darkness.

“See, there’s nothing-”

I stopped then because that’s when I saw something. It was standing just inside the woods behind our house. Its eyes glowed. It was short, not helped by the fact it was hunched over. It was too dark to make out any of its features but I think it had fur.

It looked up at us and suddenly more shadowy figures darted out from behind that one as if they came from the figure itself. Suddenly they were moving, fast, towards the house. Keenan screamed and I panicked.

I picked him up and ran from the room and into mine where I snatched up my phone and attempted to call my mom.

“We’re sorry; your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number and dial again.”

“What the hell?”

I tried my dad and got the same message. Finally I dialed 911.

“We’re sorry; your call cannot b-”

I screamed and chucked my phone at the wall.

“Kate!” I looked over to see Keenan pointing at the vent above my bed. I didn’t know why he was doing that until I saw small, dark fingers stick out. They grabbed onto the grate as best they could and began to violently shake it in an attempt to get it loose.

“Keenan, come here!” I grabbed his hand and ran from my room. I was planning on going downstairs, planning on getting into the car and driving off but when we reached the top of the steps, I heard glass breaking and something scrambling across the floor.

I could see one of the other vents downstairs and just like in my room, I saw fingers slip through the openings and grab on. I was considering running back into Keenan’s room and jumping down from there but that quickly died when I heard his bedroom window sliding open.

We couldn’t do anything but hide. My parent’s room was on the other side of the house, past Keenan’s room and I didn’t want to take the chance of getting grabbed by whatever creatures were invading our home.

I took Keenan and ran into the closet at the end of the hallway, right next to the bathroom. I held the door closed, using all my strength to do so as I heard the things moving about. They were stomping and scurrying and it sounded like they were scratching at the walls.

“Kate,” Keenan whimpered.

“Shhh, be quiet.” I didn’t mean for it to sound so harsh but I didn’t apologize. I was too focused on the noise.

The sounds continued to grow louder and louder until finally they stopped and everything went eerily quiet.

It lasted long enough for me to wonder if perhaps I should peek out and see what was going on but then the door handle was turning in my hand and I grabbed on again as the things tried their best to open the door.

I myself attempted to keep the door shut; I really did but in the end it was wrenched open and the creatures poured into the closet. I heard Keenan scream before I was knocked out.

And then I was waking up in my own bed with the sunlight streaming in through the window and the grate above was in place.

I got up and made my way to my brother’s room to see the window closed and him absent from his bed.

Going downstairs, I saw nothing broken or moved and even Mom’s vase was intact and sitting on the table again.

I found Keenan sitting in the kitchen. He looked up at me and said:

“Kate, I’m hungry.”

“…Yeah, okay,” I said dumbly, not sure how else to react. I was at a loss for words and wasn’t sure if I should bring up last night. I was starting to question if it had even happened at all. “What do you want to eat?”

“French toast, please.”

“Alright.”

He smiled at me and while it was wide, it was wrong. So very wrong. It wasn’t his smile. It was slightly crooked, a little smug actually, and didn’t meet his eyes. For a second I thought that this couldn’t be my brother but shook it off. Of course it was. It had to be.

So I turned to go into the fridge to grab what I needed to start making breakfast but stopped and stared at Keenan’s reflection in the chrome of the appliance. His eyes and mouth were nothing but a black void.

“Kate, is something wrong?” The voice was almost mocking.

“Nothing, nothing is wrong. I just didn’t sleep well.”

That was my excuse and he bought it. I think.

When Mom and Dad came home, Keenan ran to them and I stood back and watched as that thing hugged my parents. I didn’t say a word. They wouldn’t have believed me anyway.

Everything was fine at first. This fake was sweet and didn’t do things that would result in me getting into trouble…even if my brother had done all those things by accident, I realized a little too late. For a week now though, this Keenan has started to get more out of control. I think he killed the neighbor’s cat the other day.

I don’t know what happened to my real brother but I think he’s somewhere in the woods with those things.

I go in there sometimes and call him but there’s never any answer. I just hope he’s alive. I know soon enough this imitation Keenan won’t be. I have to protect us. I can’t let him hurt us and maybe, just maybe, those things will come and give me back my little brother when this one goes up in flames.

Mom always said to be careful what I wished for. I should have listened to her.

[hockeyytrash]

Alaska - Chapter One

(it’s rough at first but pls be patient)

-2068 words-

Friday. Usually, I’m excited for Fridays because they signal the start of the weekend. However, now that I’m in Toronto, I have nothing to look forward to on the weekends except for the occasional wander around the city – alone.

I have some friends at my new school, but I’m not super close to most of them except for Carly. Carly was the first person I met at my new high school and we hit it off immediately. She was the one who introduced me to my other friends. I’ve hung out with them a few times, but I mostly keep to myself.

Outside of school, my life is even more boring. My mother’s new husband Tom is the reason we moved to Toronto. He works in the city as a high-end investment banker and business owner, so you can imagine how much money he makes. I never knew how well off Tom was until we moved into his house located just beyond downtown. It’s ridiculously huge and flashy. And now that I’ve gotten to know Tom, he’s the same way: flashy and slightly arrogant about his status. 

My mom loves it, though. She eats it all up. The expensive clothes, the trips, the house, the cars. She absolutely loves it. I like it to, but I don’t get caught up in the all materialistic things Tom has. Instead, I judge him based off his character which as of now, scores him solid C-.

“Hey, are you doing anything tonight?” Carly asks, jogging over to me in the parking lot. School has just ended, meaning I can finally go home and do absolutely nothing. However, I do have one obligation.

“My mom and Tom are making me go out to dinner with them,” I tell her with a frown. 

“That sucks. Are you sure you can’t get out of it? Karina is having a party at her house and I really want you to come,” she says sadly. As much as I’d actually like to go to the party, I know I won’t be able to get out of dinner.

“Yeah, they’re sticklers for these kinds of things,” I say, continuing toward my car.

“Alright. Well, if you get out of dinner early, you should drop by! She lives on Maple street. You’ll know which house,” she says, stopping next to her car. 

“Sounds good. See you later,” I say, climbing into my black Jeep, courtesy of Tom. Carly smiles and waves before shutting her door and driving off. I do the same, driving the route to Tom’s house I’ve grown accustomed to. 

After parking my car in the driveway, I enter the house through the side door. The house was quiet other than the quiet hum of warm air circulating through vents, heating the house. I make my way to the kitchen where I grab a water from the fridge. I twist the bottle open and take a sip, looking around the oversized room. No one needs this much counter space. 

Speaking of counters, my eyes land on a pink slip of paper resting on the far end of the marble. I walk over and begin to scan over the words.

Alaska-

I went to get my nails done and do a bit of shopping. I should be back around 6 and Tom should be home from work around then as well. Remember, family dinner at 7! Please dress nicely.

xo- Mom

I roll my eyes at the note. I don’t know why she even bothers to leave these anymore. I assume every time she’s gone, she’s either shopping, getting a spa treatment, or pampering herself in some other way.

I toss the note in the garbage and jog up the staircase, down the hall, and into my room. I must say, it is gorgeous. I hate that it’s exactly how I pictured my dream room. 

I kick off my shoes and dump my backpack on the floor by the door. I have two hours to kill until I have to get ready for dinner and see as though napping is the best way to kill time, I flop onto my bed, pull a blanket over my body, and shut my eyes. 

Roughly two hours later, the sound of rain pounding on my windows wakes me, much to my dismay. I debate whether I should roll back over and sleep for thirty more minutes, but I know that I wouldn’t have time to get ready if I did. 

I throw the blanket off of me quickly and stand up so there is no chance I will fall back asleep. I shuffle over to my closet and scan the racks for something to wear. My mom said to “dress nicely” in her note which translates to “we are going somewhere fancy, so you better not dress like a bum.” All I want to do is change into sweatpants, eat, then go back to bed, but no. I have to get all dressed up and have awkward conversation with my mom and Tom over under portioned, expensive meals. 

Sighing, I grab a plain gray t-shirt dress and black bomber jacket off one of the racks and slip them on. Because it’s cold as shit here in Canada, I slide on black boots that come over the knee. I don’t bother touching the makeup I put on for school this morning, seeing as though the only people I’ll be interacting with are my mom, Tom, and our waiter. However, I do pull my long, blonde hair into a high ponytail to eliminate the possibility of it getting frizzy from the weather.

“Alaska!!” my mom hollers up the stairs. I grab my phone and walk out of my room.

“Coming!” I yell back, quickly making my way down the stairs, arriving in front of my mother and Tom who were waiting for me by the front door. 

“You ready to go?” my mom asks me with a small smile. I nod and follow the pair out the door and into Tom’s shiny black Mercedes. Tom takes his place in the driver’s seat, starting the car then pulling out onto the road. He and my mother talk about random things like what my mom bought and what Tom did at work. I zone out, staring through the window and getting lost in my own thoughts.

A few more minutes of staring occur until the sound of car doors opening pulls me from my thoughts. I exit the car as well, following Tom and my mother through the entrance of a fancy restaurant and across the room to our table. I take a seat across from the two of them and begin searching the menu for something to eat. I didn’t even realize I was hungry until I smelled food in the restaurant. 

Our waiter comes over to take our drink orders: a whiskey for Tom, margarita for my mother, and a water for me. Maybe I’ll be the one driving us home tonight. The three of us continue to scan the menu even though there are only a few options. The waiter returns with our drinks then writes down our orders for food. I decided on the steak and side salad, not in the mood to branch out and try something new. 

After placing our orders, we make small talk about our days and plans we have coming up. Tom tells us that he has to go to Melbourne for business and offers for us to go with him.

“Oh, we’d love to! Right, Alaska?” my mother exclaims. I suppress a groan and look back to Tom.

“How long would we be gone?” I ask him.

“Well, we would leave on Monday night and return next Sunday sometime in the afternoon,” he explains. My eyes light up at the thought of being away from my mother and Tom for an entire week. That would be amazing!

“I would love to, but I really don’t want to miss that much school considering it’s my senior year,” I say politely. Tom and my mother grin, probably hoping I’d say that.

“That’s quite alright. Are you comfortable staying home by yourself while we’re away?” Tom asks. I have to force myself not to laugh. I’m 17, almost 18. I definitely don’t need a babysitter.

“Yes, I’ll be fine,” I say with a smile. 

“Great! I guess we’ll have to get packing when we get home,” my mom says to Tom, giving him a kiss while giggling. I look away, not interested in seeing them make out. Our waiter brings out our food, setting the various plates down on the table. I dig in immediately, savoring every bite.

Once we’ve all finished our meals, and the waiter has gone to finish up the bill. Tom and my mother turn their attention to me with excited looks on their faces.

“What?” I ask, wondering why they were acting weird all of a sudden. Tom clears his throat before speaking.

“As you said earlier, you’re a senior in high school now. Your mother and I know how hard you’ve been working in school to get good grades. Plus, coming to a new school in a new country is never easy. So, we decided to get you a little something to commend you on your hard work,” Tom says, handing me some folded papers. I furrow my brows in confusion and unfold the pieces of paper revealing two tickets to the Maple Leafs-Penguins game tomorrow night at the ACC.

My eyes light up and a huge smile breaks out on my face.

“Thank you so much, guys!!” I exclaim, giving both Tom and my mother hugs across the table. I can’t believe I’m going to the game! I guess I’ll be calling Carly later…

“You’re very welcome. But we’re not done,” Tom says, pulling two badges out of his suit pocket and handing them over to me.

“In an effort to convert you to into a Leafs fan, you’ll be meeting the guys after the game,” Tom says with a big smile. I gawk at him in disbelief. I would much rather meet the Penguins, my favorite team, but I guess at least Carly will enjoy meeting the Leafs.

“How did you get these?” I ask Tom. Meet and greet passes aren’t usually for sale when it comes to hockey teams, so I’m confused how Tom managed to snag these.

“I know the manager Lou Lamoriello and the head coach Mike Babcock. I explained the situation and they were more than happy to support my endeavors in making you a Leafs fan. I smile and nod, not surprised he’s friends with the two. 

I thank Tom again for the tickets and passes before I go to my room when we get home. He just smiles, knowing that he’s made my day. Once I’m upstairs, I change into comfy clothes and wash my face then hop onto my bed.

I grab my phone and begin texting Carly about the tickets.

GUESS WHAT I GOT FOR US

Carly: WHAT

Tickets to the Leafs game tomorrow night!!!

Carly: OMG YAY

And it gets better…

Carly: How the hell could that get any better??

Maybe if I told you that I have passes to meet the Leafs after the game!!

Carly: GET OUT

Carly: YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS

Carly: TELL ME YOU’RE NOT SERIOUS

Then I’d be lying :)

Carly: THIS IS AMAZING! I CAN’T WAIT!

Me neither!!!

Carly: You better not ruin it with your Penguin loving self!

No promises :)

Carly: Ugh fine. What’s the plan?

How about you come over to my house around 5, so we have time to get ready, eat, then head over to the ACC

Carly: Perf! I’ll see you then!

Cya!

I shut off my phone and roll over in bed with a smile. Only a couple hours until I get to see the Pens play! Just wish it was at PPG and that my dad was there with me. Back home, we used to go to games whenever we could. We would be the loudest ones there, constantly commenting on every call, play, and goal. 

I make a mental note to text my dad as soon as I wake up about how I was going to the game then I drift off to sleep.

[fluffyshua]

Tag Game

Rules: Tag 20 People

Tagged by : Abir a.k.a @fluffyyeollie , my favourite unnie

The Last:

1. Drink : Water 2. Phone Call : My Mom 3. Text Message: To My friends to confirm that I can go to our little get-together 4. Song You Listened to: Why Don’t You Know - Chungha 5. Time You Cried: On the Last Day of School 6. Dated Someone Twice: I haven’t even dated once, let alone twice. 7. Been Cheated On: Nope 8. Kissed Someone and Regretted it: I haven’t even kissed someone 9. Lost Someone Special: Nadia, yesterday, to Quebec, like just why i can’t 10. Been Depressed: Not a valid question since I’m always depressed lmao. 11. Gotten Drunk and Thrown Up: lmao I don’t drink, though i like writing drunk scenarios. List 3 Favourite Colours: 12. Black 13. Pastel Pink 14. White 15. Made New Friends: At the start of the year. I wuv u guys. 16. Fallen Out of Love: Gotta find someone to love first. 17. Laughed until you cried: omgg yes. 18. Found someone that was talking about you: This is easy. My parents always bitch about me and my siblings in the living room downstairs because they think we’re deaf. 19. Met Someone who changed you: Yeah, my friends. 20. Found out who your true friends are: Yeah 21. Kissed someone on your facebook list: Why are so many on kissing?? Let me be a unsociable couch potato in peace... 22. How Many of Your facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them 23. Do you have any pets: I wish, but my mom is allergic to dust, so i don’t :(( 24. Do you ever want to change your name: Yes I do 25. What did you do for your last birthday: Sleep, and Eat. 26. What time did you wake up: I am currently typing this at 07:33 in the morning, and I woke up at least an hour ago, so do the maths yourself. 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping. I’m a good child. 28. Name something you cannot wait for: That get together on Sunday!!! 29. When was the last time you saw your mother: Yesterday night when she was yelling for me to go sleep. 30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I would have made a couple more risky decisions so I wouldn’t have regrets, but it’s all good fam. 31. What are you currently listening to: My loud as fuck air conditioning vent I’m not listening to anything rn. It’s like 7 in the morning and people sleep. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah random question but okay 33. Something that gets on your nerves: Loud noises and slamming doors. 34. Most visited website: Youtube 35: Elementary: My Dear Watson 36. High School: I’ll be in 9th Grade next year. 37. College/Uni: Ooh, I’m going. I hope to major in something related to art. 38. Hair Colour: Black but kinda brown in sunlight 39. Long or Short Hair: What is just below your shoulders? 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Yeah, Joshua. 41. What do you like about yourself: Hmmm, my pout. 42. Piercings?: One in each ear. 43. Blood Type: I’m not sure. I think it was B 44. Nickname: @softyjihoon calls me wifey and @solarkwan calls me Fluff. 45. Relationship status: Single, and never gonna mingle. Maybe when I’m older. 46. Zodiac Sign: Virgo!! 47. Pronouns: She/Her 48. Favourite TV Show: Ughhhh. Fighter of the Destiny, Hwarang (though I still haven’t finished it and really need to), I’m going to cheat and put some animes, Haikyuu!!, Kuroko no Basket, Prince of Tennis, Hunter X Hunter. 49. Tattoos? : None 50. Right or Left Hand: Right 51. Surgery: I got stitches on my forehead when I was younger, tho i’m pretty sure they don’t mean that kind of surgery but whatever. 52. Sports: Running out of money. Tennis (sometimes) 53. Vacation: I’m going back to Malaysia to see my grandma (yayay) for the summer (aka in a week’s time since it’s summer hols now) 54. Eating: Nothing rn 55. Drinking: Nothing rn 56. I’m about to eat: Breakfast when I feel like it. 57. Waiting for: EXO’s comeback 58. Want: To sleep forever and never go to school ever but *sigh* you never get what you want. 59. Get Married: Yeah maybe in the future when i have a nice job. 60. Career: I want to do something related to art. Which Is Better? 61. Hugs or Kisses: hugs. 62. Lips or Eyes: Eyes 63. Shorter or Taller: Taller than me which is pretty easy since I’m 159cm/5′2″ 64. Older or Younger: Older preferably 65. Nice Arms or Nice Stomach: Nice arms 66. Sensitive or Loud: Sensitive 67. Hook up or Relationship: Relationship 68. Trouble Maker or Hesitant: Bit of both would be nice. Have You Ever... 69. Kissed a Stranger: Nope 70. Drank Hard Liquor: Nah 71. Lost Glasses or Contact Lenses: Nuh uh I’m a good child. 72. Turned Someone Down: No 72. Sex on First Date: Nope 74. Broken Someone’s Heart: I dunno 75. Had your Heart Broken: Never 76. Been Arrested: Nah 77. Cried when somebody died: No one I know has died 78. Fallen for a Friend?: Once Do You Believe in... 79. Yourself?: Not anymore 80. Miracles?: Yeah 81. Love at First Sight?: Yep 82. Santa Claus?: No 83. Kiss on the First Date?: Depends 84. Angels?: Yes i mean look at jeonghan Others: 85. Current best friend’s name?: Nadia, Hani, Yaas, Akshara, I dunno if the other two are fine with me putting their names... 86. Eye Colour: Brown 87. Favourite movie: Ughhhh. This nice chinese drama called Soulmates that I watched my mom watch on the plane.

I got rid of all the duplicates and cleaned it up a bit, if you don’t mind.

Tagging: @softyjihoon @aceangel-official @katsukii-bakugouu @sassykwan (tho you probs won’t do it)  @solarkwan @mjunhui @mvnghaos @changgudforyou @sassyseokmin is that twenty yet? screw the rules

If you’ve already done it, ignore me.