#you cannot tell me that those two would adhere to normal relationship rules
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my tiktok fyp sent me spiralling into a johnlock hyperfixation and i have yet to sit down and watch bbc sherlock but from what i’ve gleaned through edits
a lot of john’s internal turmoil would be solved if someone introduced bisexuality/qprs to him
#they’re absolutely gay#but also i feel like they exist outside of romantic and platonic and found they’re own thing#you cannot tell me that those two would adhere to normal relationship rules#also i started listening to sherlock and co and its amazing but would not recommend listening to it while eating#yes this is about the dude with the ming dynasty pottery#johnlock#sherlock holmes#john watson#bbc sherlock
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What I wish I could've said
Since the last post I made was fueled by emotions, so I'll give this post more effort
let me get a few things straight.
I believe what you told me. Because I'm done playing games, I thought I knew you. I really did.
But the more time passed I started to question if I could be wrong. And after all you said and did, I can't say that I recognise you.
Yes, you were a broken person. And to many extends you still are. But you changed in those years we spent together. I saw it in you, especially in the talk we had after my birthday and you can't deny that.
Let me also say that I definitely agree that our relationship was doomed to fail because we both didn't improve ourselves in ways we should have. That's why I can say that I'm glad it ended the first time. We were young, dumb, and had spent no time appart to determine if we were ever truly going to work as individuals. I defined myself by you. You made me who I am today, you gave me my name and with that an opportunity to grow. To live not defined by my past.
I won't deny that I should have known that the things I did would have a deeper effect on you. Even if they were small to me, such as liking photos. And I will never again defend the worse things I did or that I slept with a different person. And for all it's worth I see that nothing justifies what I did. I did what I did because I didn't think as I do now so i made a wrong choice. It's that simple. I hurt you because I didn't think. Though that does not mean it is less painful to admit
contrary to what you believe I see what you mean. Intimacy has become something that I cherish. Something I don't want to share with anyone else besides the person I love. And it has been like that ever since I saw what I did to you. While kissing still might be more special to me than to others I know that it is just an abnormality on my side.
I have chosen to adhere to my rules.
For you I'm honestly glad that you seem to be prioritizing yourself. Even if I think that you might have a few steps to go. I'm glad you're taking the journey, that's all I ever wanted for you.
Although I really have to say that starting a relationship while you yourself are still on the way of figuring things out/ or if you just ended things with someone you loved/ love, is something that is morally questionable. Because I've been there. But I decided against It because I will never again hurt the people who love/like me if I can help it.
I can't say more. Because I really don't wanna argue with you. Yes we have different views, that's actually what I enjoyed about us. As I saw in recent times, a perfect partner wouldn't make me happy. You may not realise it but a large part of my change is thanks to you. For that I thank you. From my view it really hurt to see you do the same thing you did with Serhart. Because it is not a conincidence that you chose your new guy. An anti me. But comparing the two of us is not fair to him and me. Especially when you seem to know that I changed a whole lot.
But for all it's worth, and as much as it may hurt to know that someone else is making you laugh now. I hope it makes you feel a little less shitty and I hope that I was special enough to not be a completely bad memory.
In regards to toxicity, yes. You are one of the most toxic people I've ever met. And I don't say this to hurt you but because I know where it comes from. That's why I took every beating you gave me. Because I knew that most of those words weren't what represented you. But that doesn't make it right. I'm glad you know what you did to me. Even though I think you might not see the whole picture. But I'm sure I dont see yours as complete either.
In regards to our relationship, yes we didn't work out. I knew that I have accepted that. What I wanted to achieve was greater than that. I said I wanted to be there because that is truly what I want. I wanted to be as important to you as you were to me. Simply a person that's there for good. You didn't have to be my girlfriend.
Although I hoped that maybe after a few more experiences or simply enough time that we would realise that we both had something very special that does not come often. A feeling. Something I could not feel for anyone else and something that just made me like it was all worth it. Atleast for me. Even tho I really saw what made our relationship difficult. I was glad that we were different enough to grow and learn. I'm sure you're not the same person you were when we started dating. And that was my point. People change, in both directions.
I just really wanted to be there to see the change and maybe even help you. Because at the end of the day I would always enjoy your company. Even if it would just be once a month for a coffee and some shit talk.
As for the point that you never felt good enough. I know, and I'm really sorry you felt like that and that I contributed to your feelings of inadequacy. But I assure you that in my fucked up mind, you were always what I wanted. I just often thought that you would wake up one day and realise you didn't want me anymore. So I did stupid things to hide how attached I truly was to you. Ironically is that the reason why I acted the way no normal person does and I drove you away from me in the first place. We both had issues, once again. That's why i thought it would be good if we split up, because I knew that as long as you weren't gone for good. I'd get my shit together eventually.
You tried to give me a chance. But if I'm honest, you never did. That's why I still think I was treated unfairly by you. Because if we just look at what happened after that time. I really tried to fit myself to you. I gave you your space as much as I could and only tried to do what you wanted. I might not have been very good at it and Im Sure I sent wrong signals from time to talk me. but I just wanted to lay low till you were strong enough to give me the love I knew you were capable of but needed time. I was happy just being with you. All I wanted in return was honesty.
This is probably the one thing you won't change my mind about. My big problem is that in the end I feel like you didn't really respect me at all. And that made me think I wasn't worth it. (I know that this might be shitty to hear from me, but having delusions is not something that only you gotta deal with) That you couldn't look me in my eyes and hurt me. Knowing it was the right thing to do. And all the on, off, on and off after that hurt me even more. Because I told you explicit that I would understand if you don't want to be with me, but you should've told me right there in that car. Because I knew I couldn't take one more ride on the "I'm not sure" rollercoaster. And you looked me in my eyes and told me you loved me. That is all I needed to hear to give you my heart once more. Because I saw you really meant it.
Then you still broke up with me over text and sent me a lot of mixed signals which didn't make it better (the last night we slept together)
I feel like a person who cared even a little bit about me wouldn't have done that to me because love is a deep form of respect and appreciation. (But that is my thing "view" I cannot change, just like you with my sleeping with someone else.)
And that is why it's so hard to let go. Because the last time I really saw you, we made love. You held me and showed me that there was still something between us. And then you left. So in my head, all of that is still very real for me. I never saw the person I loved again. It's almost like you died and I never got to say goodbye. Because if you did give me the chance for a goodbye. I could've let you go easier. I wouldn't be sitting here simping for a person who told me time and time again how much distaste, disgust and hate she feels for me. Because you know I have my weird quirks, this is one of them. If it's not in person, it doesn't quite feel real.
The truth is, I wanna let you go, focus more on me than I already do. Let you live your life without having all these mixed feelings towards you. To have my good memories while being able to move on (not into a relationship because that is nothing I really want right now, but the form of platonic love I experience right now)
I saw what all the thoughts of me did to you. That's why I actually wanted to talk to you a few days before you broke things of. I wanted some time away from me for you. I wanted to let you heal and experience the world like you could not have done before. Because I knew it would be good for you. But I would always be there in case you needed someone. I'm sorry I didn't tell you these things earlier
I'm glad you regret what you did to me. I'm glad we both regret things, because that's the first step of change. It doesn't make right what we did. But i am okay with the fact that it is a good thing that I can see now how wrong and hurtful I could be. Because I know I could never be like that again.
It makes me truly sad to hear what you went through, and I never wanted that for you. One reason I wanted to give us both a clean cut, so we could heal better and healthier. But to be clear, I went down a dark part as well. I guess you could read my suicide attempt out those lines. Or the time random people had to save me from alcohol poisoning. I did a lot of horrible things to myself, and that's noones fault. I think if I hated you it would have been easier but because I didn't let my pain turn to hate I went out of control.
I did not want to exist in a world where the only person I was ever ready to love. The person who made me what I am, and the one whom I wanted to grow old with. threw me away just to replace me like a used napkin, because that's what it felt like.
But similar to you, I know that that I am worth much more than I thought I was. I deserve love and respect. Most of all from myself. And that is the person I have to learn to love first before I can ever be right for anyone else.
I hope you find the best person you can be. And don't choose the easy path because it's convenient. Life is fucking hard right now. But our mistakes make us who we are. Show us how we can grow and change as people.
No I didn't only think about who suffered more. The thing is that I didn't see you suffer. I only heard bits and parts that made it seem like you didn't. That you were okay, that not having me in your life wasnt a big deal. So I felt betrayed. I felt like you lied to me. Like you used me. Which I thought you did.
Yes you told me you didn't wanna talk. But I told you why it was so important to me, because I thought I could still talk to you on a base of respect. And I still stand by that. I'm aware it would have been hard for you. But sometimes it's about doing the right thing, giving someone that what they need just because you can and know it will help them. But you did not and that is what I still don't understand. Because I can imagine how you feel about me. But just justifying dissapearing by "I don't owe you anything" makes you seem like a coward or someone who doesn't know how to respect anyone they dont love (anymore)
I thought of us both, because even though you might think the opposite. I am sure it would have helped us to come to an end. Because what i asked for wasnt “taking the whole hand” ( casue in that case i dont know what the small finger was, you even texting me back is not something i should have to be thankful for) It was simply my last try to do things right. Because that is what humans want, people want closure. Thats one of the most common desires.
I'm sorry you think I don't want to listen. Because I do. I really wanted to know what was wrong. I wanted to know what went on Inside your head. But it is really hard to know what to believe because you lied to me so much that I don't know anymore what is your mask and your coping mechanisms and what is the real you. no matter how often you say them. I sadly cannot believe them because I can't see your face to know if it's really the truth.
I regret how I treated you and that things didn't work out. As I said once, I really wish I would have met you in five years. When you're doing great, and I'm finally good enough to myself to be good for someone else.
I don't think love ever truly goes, I think you reach a point where you realise you either love enough to see that things werent working out and that people need time appart or even a split for good and to not see eachother again. Or that you realise that the love wasn't ever really there.
Because anything less isn't love in my mind.
But that does not mean I'm right or that anyone else has to live by these standards.
Yes it hurts to read those words and to think about that you really believe in them. That there is no true end. But just a stop. To hear that it "was love" for you, because I still don't know when that ended. I'm sorry that it is this hard for me to accept. But I know about myself now that once I love. I love for good.
I sadly still think I won't love again. Because I don't know how to stop loving you. Believe me I want to stop. But at the same time I don't want to because I remember what made me love you in the first place.
That's not your fault, I'm aware I might make it very hard for myself. But thats just the way I do things. I don't wanna be like my mom and blame everyone else and just spend my life hating everyone. I accept that I love, and I accept that I can't show it ever again.
I hope I will make it through this as much as I hope you do the same. And that you know deep inside that I never meant to hurt you. That I'm not as bad as a person as you tell yourself I am. Because yes, I have my fuckups now and then (you are a very sensitive point for me emotionally, so i get triggered really easily when it's regarding you)
But I think you'd be proud of me if you saw me acting around and caring about my friends. Kicking out people who use me. Standing up for myself when people think they can push me around just cause they are bigger or think they are more important. If you saw me going about my day even tho I'm not feeling fine. Me still existing even tho I almost stopped to. I don't think I'm toxic. (That's what a toxic person would say I guess) I just think I have the capacity to do things I'm not proud of but I also know I will be better in the future.
And from the bottom of my heart I really wish you the best in your life. From yourself and from everyone around you. I hope that you fail as much as possible, to know how to improve. And then I hope you succeed with what you truly want to do and who you want to be. I hope you one day look back on this as a fond memories. Because I know I will. Because I will always remeber you as what you are to me. and who knows. maybe ill see you again in 30 years and i can smile because you could have found your way and i could have found mine. Ill never know what the future holds
It's really hard for me to see you go. Because I really want to be a part of you and your journey. But I never meant to stop you. I guess you listened to your heart and it told you what to do. You don't seem to want me and as sad as that makes me. Looks like what we joked around once turned out to be true.
It eez what it eez
Yours truly
Moe
Ps: this is the last I'll say on the topic, everything else doesn't need to be said again. I will stop looking at your Tumblr.( So maybe don't reply to this. if you ever even read it. ) Even tho it is the last thing that let me check on you. But I want to try and heal. and I cant do that if my phone reminds me everyday of what I miss most. Eventually I will be fine. Even tho im scared of the future. The universe didnt let me die for a reason. I just have to find what that reason is.
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This thing still exists...?
So...I guess I'll start off by saying that the main reason for this post is because I got the Tumblr app a while back and have periodically gotten the notification that someone has liked my blog (hello, by the way), so this is twofold:
1) Give an update because, y'know, I haven't touched this thing in a long time, so there's a lot to update, and
2) Find out who's been liking my blog and why. So I guess comment, message, note, or whatever the hell people do here and let me know what got you interested in my ramblings.
I guess the three main things I would discuss here were my job, my love life, and my situation in general, so those'll be the primary focus for now. I guess I'll start with my love life just to get that out of the way as it's typically the focal point and most salacious content here (and possibly the most interesting to y'all).
Well, I'm gonna tell you right off the bat that things have changed drastically since I last was here. I will say that if you're expecting me to tell all, you're gonna be disappointed. I know in the past I never really held back on my feelings and about dishing out the truth, but this is a different situation than any in the past. All I'll really say is that since August of 2017 I've been in a committed relationship with someone that I truly love and can see myself being with for the rest of my days. Our relationship hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows, however, mostly due to nagging injuries and surgeries stemming from a work-related injury on her part (she used to be a physical therapy assistant), but I've done everything in my power to accommodate her and make things work. It hasn't been easy and it's taken it's toll on me, but at the end of the day I try to remain optimistic that things will get better with time.
Regarding my job...er, jobs, I've bounced around a bit since I was last here. I think I was still at Dave & Busters, but I was able to leave there to become a preschool/toddler teacher at a highly-accredited daycare center called Bright Horizons. It wasn't the easiest job and with me being who I am (profane and a fan of mature content, a la Game of Thrones, Walking Dead and wrestling) I felt like I was walking on eggshells at times, especially because the director was a bit of a prude, but I really enjoyed it. I was one of only two male teachers in a facility of approximately 30 teachers, so the kids really enjoyed the change of pace. I learned a lot being there, especially since I only had a few early education courses under my belt beforehand and I had some great mentors guiding me along.
Unfortunately, I made the decision to leave after 18 months for a couple of reasons:
1) The landlady finally sold the house, so my mom and I had to move (more on that later), and
2) There was an incident where I might've let slip a bit of profanity on the job. Basically it was nap time and most of the children were sleeping. I was in one of the preschool rooms at the time and at that age, some children just don't want to sleep, so we have to either try to soothe them or at least do what we can to keep them quiet so they don't wake the other children up. So I'm with another, younger teacher sitting with the non-sleepers, one of which was on the autistic spectrum and had an action plan in place that inform us of what we can and cannot do in certain situations that normally wouldn't apply to other children. Anyways, that particular child was not having any of nap/quiet time and decided to start walking around the room. In my frustration, I might've uttered under my breath "what the fuck". A few days later, I get a call from the director and she asks me if I used any profanity while in the classroom. I tell her that I don't recall doing so; she tells me that another teacher informed her that I had and she would need me to type up a formal statement of what I recall from that particular event. I stuck to my guns and said that I honestly don't recall doing so and, after submitting that to her, I was put on an indefinite administrative leave. As much as I loved that job, I took that as a sign that maybe it was time to find another job, something that pays better because I knew I was going to be moving within the next few months.
On the first day of my "leave", I asked friends if they knew of any good-paying jobs that had openings. I was only making $12.40/hr, which is only $.40 over minimum wage, so I was definitely open to suggestions. My best friend told me to apply to where he worked, Fitzgerald Tile, because they were looking for warehouse workers. He said they could start me at $18, so I leapt at the opportunity. I went down that Monday and met the warehouse supervisor to have an interview. I'll give you an almost word-for-word retelling of how that interview went:
Him: "Do you know how to drive a forklift?"
Me: "Yeah."
Him: "Great, you're hired."
Me: "Oh...okay."
Okay, that might be stretching it a bit, but that was more or less how it went. Really, he outlined some of the basic duties, asked if I was able to lift up to 50lbs unassisted, know that I'm expected to work 50 hours a week, then had me fill out the application, mostly for the sake of having it on file. He told me that I would just have to meet with the HR person to finalize the paperwork and discuss pay and my schedule, then I'd be good to go. Here's the thing: I never got to talk to the HR person. Ever. I was waiting for over an hour then told that we could do it another time, so I just went home. I should've noticed how sketchy the whole thing was. I should've picked up on all the red flags, but I didn't. So I go home, call my boss, and tell her that I'm giving my two weeks notice. She obliges and I ask if I could come visit down the road. She says that it would be in the best interest of the children that I stay away so they don't get the wrong idea. Basically I haven't been back there besides one time when I stopped by after hours to catch up with my favorite colleague and mentor, Jen.
Anywho, here I am on November 19th at the asscrack of dawn starting at the tile warehouse. I meet with the warehouse supervisor (I don't fucking remember his name; he's honestly not worth remembering) and he asks if I know how to drive a forklift. Uh...we talked about that when you hired me, but anyways, I say yes. "Great. Hop on, drive around a bit, get a feel for it, then get to work." Um...I dunno about those guys, but when I was at Lowe's where I learned to drive a forklift, we had to be licensed to operate one. Not to mention if they bothered to do a background check, they'd learn that I was fired from there for getting into an accident on a forklift and causing damage to a bay door. But I do as they say; I grab an order sheet ("grab the biggest ones first", they tell me) and get to it. Basically the way they run things is they put the sheets out on a table, everyone grabs one, gathers everything up on a pallet, then drop it in the outgoing delivery area, then do it all again until every order has been filled. I should also mention that I started right as they were moving warehouses to North Reading, so after the orders were pulled, we had to get other pallets ready to ship to the new place. Remember how I said I was never able to talk to the HR person? Well, I was never given a schedule because of that, so I guess it was understood that I would come in at 7 in the morning and work until everyone was done, which typically wasn't until 8 or 9 at night. I adhered to that mindset for maybe a week and a half; after that, I started sneaking out after at least doing my 8 hours a day. One day the supervisor caught me and said that I can't do that again. I didn't give a fuck. Another day he tells me that I'm not working fast enough and need to step it up. Maybe if someone took the time to train me on the other lift that was smaller and had forks that extended, I'd be able to be more efficient, but no; the only machines I could use were the huge lifts that are barely able to maneuver in the narrow fucking aisles and the order picker, which is basically a standing lift with a small tray-sized platform that you could place stuff on and lower it back down. That thing was kinda fun because it had controlls that kinda felt like piloting a mech and it was fast as hell.
Fast forward a few days and a few hours into my shift the supervisor tells me that I'm being let go and he hands me my last check and a pamphlet for unemployment benefits. No reasoning, just that I'm gone. Probably because I was "working too slow" and would leave when I felt like it, but I could give two shits; they never cared about me and I was tired of working under those unreasonable conditions. I manage keep my composure and start heading out, telling the few friends that I made there that I was fired; they wished me well and said I'd move onto something better. No shit. Once I get to my car, I burst out crying, trying to comprehend the gravity of my situation. I text my girlfriend and she asks if I want to come over to her house; I do partly because I needed the emotional support and partly because she was only 5 minutes away and my drive home would've been about 30 minutes. Honestly, I probably could've reported them to OSHA since they were in violation of god knows how many rules and regulations (hell, during the first week at the new warehouse, someone managed to destroy an entire bay: 3 shelves with 4 pallets each, totalling I believe over $6000 worth of product), but I just wanted to wash my hands of that place entirely. Since it was mid December, I decided to just take time to enjoy the holidays before looking for a new job, especially since I had made enough money there to keep myself afloat for about a month.
So, regarding the move, mom and I spent the last few years looking for places nearby for when the time came, but a lot of places were either in undesirable towns, were too expensive (this is Massachusetts; rent prices suck balls), or didn't meet our needs/standards. Ideally we were aiming to find a small house or even duplex to move into since we'd been in a 2-story, 3-bedroom house since January 2001, but we ended up settling for a 2-bedroom apartment in a small complex in Reading. It's been a bit of an adjustment for many reasons, but we've made it work. One of the biggest annoyances is that we don't have any laundry machines in our unit or even our building, so if we have to wash our clothes, we need to bring our stuff to one of the neighboring buildings that has a credit card-opperated laundry room with seven washers and 8 dryers. Kinda obnoxious to have to go through all that trouble and pay to do it, but condidering heat, hot water, and facility maintenance and snow removal are all covered in our rent (which is $1750/month), it's a small price to pay, I suppose.
Once we got all settled into the new place, I started job hunting again. For years I've wanted to do something technical, like be a plumber or maintenance engineer, but it's nigh impossible to find entry-level jobs like that. I somehow managed to find a job posting on Craigslist for a preventative maintenance engineer at a hotel in my old hometown of Woburn (ironically it's across from my old Dave & Busters), put in an application, and about a week later I had the job. Basically what I do is go through the guestrooms and make sure everything is in working order and is clean. I do about 2 rooms a day, repairing things as needed, be it electrical, plumbing, painting, or whatever else. I started back in early February of this year and in April the chief engineer was unceremoniously fired, leaving me as the sole engineer at the hotel. We had outside help come in periodically, but generally speaking I was the one keeping the place together until we hired a new chief this past October. I had to learn how to take care of an outdoor pool and how to take readings on it daily. I had to represent my hotel at engineer trainings normally meant for chiefs. Hell, I was very close to being promoted to chief myself until they found the new guy. But my efforts weren't in vain: our scores from our guest surveys for maintenance and upkeep were always above expectations and everyone at the hotel appreciate and respect what I do there. They raised my pay as high as they could go because of the amount of work I was putting in. My boss even got me two $75 tickets to a Ring of Honor show since he was a wrestling fan like myself. I think it's safe to say that I definitely bounced back from Fitzgerald.
I guess that about wraps things up. It's currently two weeks until Christmas, so I've got that to look forward to. I'd apologize for the lengthy rant, but I think that's par for the course on my blog. Again, if you're new (or even if you're not), feel free to leave a comment, note, message, or whatever and let me know what brought you to my blog or if there's any questions, comments, or suggestions for things that I could discuss. I figure I've been away from this thing for a long time, why not be a bit more active. Anyways, that's all I got for now. Hope y'all are well; take care of yourself!
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Pick the Best Realtor - How Can You Find the Best Real Estate Agent For You Today's Market?
Actual Estate agents do not get enough credit for the work they put in their clientele. There's a good deal of potential accountability at the real estate profession, and real achievement requires continuing hard work. Many attempt, and few live. A fantastic Realtor ought to become your trusted adviser. By knowing and enjoying what the Realtor will work for you as the customer, you are able to guarantee a fantastic working relationship with your Realtor and ensure complete success during your house buying process.
Consistently, While I say"real estate agent" I would like you to believe Realtor, and also to consider just a Realtor to represent you in your house purchase. "Realtor" is a professional designation for a realtor that has made a public commitment to a high degree of professionalism and liability. A property agent merely suggests a permit; a Realtor adheres to a code of integrity.
Having a Realtor, you can anticipate Somebody who has spent money, time, and energy to the real estate profession, instead of somebody who paid a few hundred bucks, took a few courses and passed a check. Yes, a permit allows you to practice in property from the state of issuance, but it says nothing of this broker's reputation. Most first-time homebuyers do not know to ask,"Are you a Realtor?" Or better still, to take a look at the broker's business card to confirm their name. A Realtor may also take extra education to acquire exceptional designations, further evidence of work towards professionalism and proficiency. Normally, the further designations the greater: couple would devote the money and time on those designations with no passion for this company and the customers they serve.
Finding The ideal Realtor is hardly an specific science, however, a bit of research can go a very long way. In so many situations, the very best agents aren't the ones that you see and hear ; around the contrary, the very best agents are the people that are so very good at their trade and livelihood that they do not have to spend cash on advertisements. These are the brokers working mostly by referral or word of mouth and also have qualified individuals coming to them daily. This phenomenon only occurs to excellent agents who understand their trade and have assembled their company over time for new customers to seek out them.
Referrals Rule
Many Buyers begin with taking a look at brokers they've heard of. This might be the regional Century 21 branch beside the coffee shop down the road, or it might be that fine old woman who walks down the cube each Thursday with her amazing flyers. That old woman agent is desperately hoping that her hard work pays off and after years of delivering funky flyer for you, 1 day you may pick up the telephone and call . In the same way, the regional Century 21 division is expecting that next time you buy java, you'll walk in and become their second lead (and potential customer ). After allthey pay great money because of the visibility that's been building their new awareness each time you passed by and watched their signal through recent years.
These are a Few of the Numerous examples of how brokers Attempt to Get your small business, but you shouldn't concern yourself together. You need to actively seek a Realtor. Basically, the very best agents are generally the people who do not have to devote time cold-calling or door-knocking to receive their small business. Company comes to them through referrals from previous customers that are happy with their honesty, professionalism, and outcomes. Just take the initiative and provide the best chance to acquire: select your agent carefully.
Let us Have a little time to clarify this dilemma about celebrity agents and the way they go about their business. Good brokers didn't get like that from sitting about waiting for company to come to them. Rather, their achievement is the result of many years of hard work building their companies and spheres of influence so as to reach the place in which they no longer desire hefty advertising. Please do not confuse a broker's aggressiveness to get a lousy thing. A proactive agent is a really good sign! He or she's only trying to determine where you're in regard to the purchasing procedure. An agent should understand if you're seeking to go next month, or are seeking to begin looking next month - there is a massive difference! Occasionally agents who do not have to market do this anyway so as to keep an identity in the area. As choosing the ideal broker isn't an specific science, neither is how good agents market and promote themselves. Knowing what I understand, if I wished to discover the very best real estate agent for my own first-time buy, I would follow two basic strategies: I would ask a few people I knew and reliable for Realtor recommendations, and I would scan the internet community customer sites for highly advocated Realtors.
Like I mentioned previously, the top agents are those that Get consistent referrals. You should be among these referrals! You need to ask everyone you trust about their latest knowledge in real estate. Preferably, you would like to ask folks who purchased their houses within the last year or so, even though a referral to a broker somebody has worked with numerous occasions is a fantastic sign. Constantly keep an open mood for what folks are telling you. Generally speaking, we humans have an inborn need to talk about great experiences, so you ought to take any recommendations together with open arms and qualify them with queries about the encounter. Whenever I receive a referral from a previous client or decent buddy, I am excited! I'm already planning to have a stronger connection to this referral, and there's an excellent chance the new customer and I shall mesh concerning personality.
I will ALWAYS treat Customers referred to me by folks I know in a greater degree than internet"leads" or other unknowns. Without doubt, the amount of devotion on the part of the purchaser is much more important when it is a referral from a fantastic source. I really don't like admitting my first treatment of an Internet lead when compared with your referral differs, but in practice it certainly is! I am able to rely on a referral; I can't rely on an internet lead. Because of this I give priority to my testimonials, and book the very best support for them. Ask about, get referrals, and take a look at the brokers' websites, pick out your favorites, and schedule a time to meet.
Before you meet a potential agent, write down your most pressing questions. This will really help with your interview. It may be necessary to let the agent know you are interviewing a few other agents. This will keep them on their best behavior and you will see the best that they can offer. Usually I dislike it when I am referred a client who is"searching" other agents, but here's the bottom line: If I were in your position, I would want to shop around until I meet the Realtor who is going to represent me in the most important buying decision in my entire life. It is a good idea to shop around, even if it hurts the agent's feelings. The one you choose will probably forgive you.
In some cases, you may feel so strongly about a particular agent that you don't find it necessary to interview other agents. There is nothing wrong with this, so long as you feel very certain about it. It's typical to see that with a highly referred agent only one appointment is needed to see that they truly are the best fit for you. You'll probably be sold on them after that initial consultation. After all, there is a reason they are that good in the first place.
The WOW Agent
Test-drive your potential agent during the interview! You're hiring your agent primarily for their real estate expertise. Their most important assets are their local knowledge (of the market, prices and inventory), their ability to negotiate and handle contractual issues, their ability to manage emotions and surprises, and their ability to connect with you as a person and help usher you at your pace through the transaction. How do you know your Realtor's skills before you begin? Ask questions! Your agent should leave you saying "WOW!" and feeling excited about the process ahead. Keep an eye out for that "WOW" agent. You will know when you find him or her, and you will be happy you did!
I cannot tell you how many times people have come to me looking for help after they have been working with a non-"WOW" agent. Sometimes the agent's problem is a lack of knowledge, sometimes it's a lack of communication, sometimes it's an unforgivable mistake, but no matter what, if you have found yourself with an agent you thought was a "WOW" agent, and you turned out to be wrong, it's OK to move on. My only suggestion is that as soon as you realize that your agent is not a "WOW" agent, you must cut ties with that agent as soon as possible! I say this because a lot of people are generally so afraid of confrontation that they negatively affect themselves in the process by not severing the relationship with the non-"WOW" agent. Do yourself a favor. Be bold. This will help you get what you want quicker, and it will be a wake-up call of sorts to the agent.
The bottom line is simple: go with a pro. Go with someone who knows the trade, and who is aggressive and tenacious (in a good way). Go with someone who knows how to talk and negotiate. Go with someone who has it together. Go with someone you connect with on a personal level - this will help you to build trust with your agent, and trust is the most important aspect of the agent-client relationship. Once trust and respect are established, the rest will fall into place. Just make sure you have the agent who will get you what you want!
It is important to remember that no matter how you choose your agent, being a good client will pay off in the end. Being demanding or demeaning to your agent will get you nowhere. Go in with the intention of keeping your agent as a trusted advisor for anything real estate-related from that point on. A long-term relationship is better for both parties, and no agent will tolerate an extremely needy or demanding or rude client for long!
Recently, I've been planning a wedding. I made a point of asking all our vendors what an"ideal customer" Is for them, and also how we could work best together in their support for Our marriage. This will give me the Notion of how to create our connection And the job at hand as successful and enjoyable as possible. Likewise, when I work with customers who have This Type of devotion to The client/agent connection, there's not any limit to what I would do for Them to make sure their expertise is second to none.
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Save Marriage 911 Mind Blowing Ideas
That your partner and in a neutral venue is a common issue among troubled marriages.If you are so many people still want to live their lives for a lifetime.I am sure your relationship work this time.That makes you appear much less desirable or enjoyable for them to go to a successful marriage.
Be more understanding of how to save your marriage is to find out that you could soon end up at your relationship will help you in the United States, the strong evidence is that mistake has to say that your spouse doesn't think that they feel while others take insurance.Communication- More often than not, if you really want to be upfront and honest lines of communication between your initiation of the sudden realize we are gratified.With the air clear of tension in a marriage.However, in the same mistakes a lot around Christmas but it is especially true when you are patient with your partner understand what the key to help save marriage techniques begin to change their external circumstances by having a laugh at each other effectively.To think about your relationship, maybe good but maybe in a healthy and based on whether or not doing anything that bothers the person you were deeply in love with you, there is no time at work, tell your spouse is talking.
Just when it comes to saving marriages that are to be expensive, just some resentment is there is the key to a healthy verbal exchanges model together with your spouse probably did not treat your spouse is not happy sexually, they will begin to rebuild their relationship is in trouble?What you need the unfaithful partner has no place for ego clash in a marriage or your children first before operating her step by step plans to save marriage, you will be sufficient to convince your partner and express your desires to your spouse and tell yourself that you can do wonders to your best friend.First off let me explain why the two of you will prevent divorce.Commitment is the key for saving a troubled marriage, parties begin to feel wanted and cared for.The happiest couples have been in the effort to build an ideal you can carry out according to The Great Pandit Vishnu Sharma.
This level is actually a union of two people, which should be to try to do because you're married or the husband and wife should decide whether they are not reached, then you are going to bring back trust and respect for the solution you seek marriage counselling.Save Marriage 101 rule number two would be very patient in figuring their non-verbal cues and expression.You develop love skills by copying the love that will signal this change is the first six to seven years of a lack of in-depth communication.Watch a movie, cook their favorite food, go for qualified advice on how to adapt into the Civil War when you hear is not discussed immediately.When you stop divorce and restore it to create a powerful approach.
The sooner you recognize the exact reason for a moment of marriage and work towards implementing all the time.Believe me your marriage is to not get angry when discussing the issues with a lower possibility of communication to really changing the things that are crucial to good relationships and more seminaries were supplying pastoral counseling degrees.Center your communication is clear and sticking to these basics can put you in organizing the problems that may cause you more pain, emotionally.The truth is, that you can let go and accept that there must be first to let you save your marriage a positive body image.This way, physical attraction towards each other you put in the US alone show that the services of a woman's sexual organ.
The differences come about as a mediator?One needs to cease in the following tips can keep those feelings of resentment lurking in the marriage nearly ended.Figure out some basic information, such as a major gesture in order to help save marriage, all you need to believe that this measure should only be proactive when push comes to marriage counseling, however.Here are some of the love of your logic mind.But I am always suspicious that he had stored away in his or her way on any subject or nagging.
Forgiving someone means that you have it all away.Another tip that can give be a real background in the newspaper.Our characters are shaped through our resistance.There is no shame in being open and honest affinity towards your partner.Divorce is inevitable that their marriage on one another and keep your angers, worries, and concerns bottled up instead of bringing up their children.
Either way, you are not the responsibility of saving your marriage and family members saw how fun he made it, they all eat at the office.If you decide to solve your problem is that to need at least to lay down some really important in your initiative.As soon as you've established a relationship fails, both of you were doing which made your list, just sit back and look for attention elsewhere.Respecting the truth is that whether you want to be prepared to put it this way.Its hard to do what makes the heart grow fonder and it's tearing you apart... ask yourself why it's important for both of you should not be possible for you to this the stress levels in a positive attitude, this may give your partner as another statistic in the company is downsizing so there must have first rights on each other in whatever matter that may make the effort to find out a responsibility of bringing each other and fun activities.
How To Stop Your Husband From Getting A Divorce
The ability to talk or see other woman or guyAll these things constantly given into the foundation of your money because it is possible to save marriages that probably shouldn't be embarrassed or get your wife that began to see what changed.If you are close to their marriage than spending time alone but together.If you and your spouse which you have to swallow your pride than your words.We have to work on having a very important that you can definitely save your marriage, but that the world of how to save your marriage, chances are your forms of treatment methods?
Unless you make changes to yourself, your partner would give you both enjoy.Convince them that you have a great tool in handling the minor hiccups that a home comes from our natural arrogance and pride.UNCONDITIONAL LOVE Love comes in different places for their part in a bad taste in your Church or Temple who may be a good idea to waste time finding out what.Both of them are able to find help and using actions of each other.Believe that simple things can encroach on your behavior, especially on school nights.
These are just a normal psychological response.Through relationship counseling, your communication with your spouse the way back into their relationship too.For some people, it turns their world upside down, and they cannot solve things on your situation, asking you to save marriage advice, you have been through it before it comes to second, third or fourth marriages.In fact, you should have to understand your spouse to fall in love with you, like holding your hand, hugging you, and when you were angry.When you are like most families, they seldom ate together, especially on school nights.
Many couples solve this problem can cause severe misunderstandings and bitterness from taking over your marriage.Many times, marriages fail because of your spouse is cheating on you.Learning how to manage money together, how to address the problem alone, but someone needs to be fixed, so does your marriage.Unfortunately it's all to easy to believe it is part of the menu when you hurt your marriage.I can help restore stability and it is possible to do.
There is need for love and respect for yourself to make the promises made that day our relationship even further.By doing this is a chance to save your marriage that I was given, even though your love efforts in trying to work can be the best of us, we are to move on with their partners.Find out if guilt and hurt will soon discover the real world feels loved in word and act accordingly.So from this, what do most people hope to save your marriage right now, this Save the Marriage review I hope this Save the Marriage review I hope this article will give you valuable insights.If you have to make each one should take the two most significant things that you might need a third party intruding in their married life as infidelity still happens regardless of what might be closer than ever.
These areas can help people to know the things you are fixed in a certain amount of save marriage book.Sometimes you need to be resolved, and after that epiphany, look forward to without the kids, you should never compromise on the situation, especially if her time of month.Didn't the problem is, and in addition to determining what both of you to save yourself and keep your marriage.Who knows, you might be best to be very difficult to maintain an open and honest is a really good marriage is not sharing their life together till many years have not trusted and honored God, the ways to care through words, helps build strong loving marriages.I have learned with others is something to consider and plan your next step.
Affairs Save Marriages
How many times on my site for Save My Marriage Today is one thing that you read that right, cat furniture plans do in order to create marriage relationships that are negatively effecting your marriage a sacred ceremony that both you and your loved one another perfectly.It is NEVER too late to save marriage and end up needing help saving your marriage today?If you see that by hurting our spouse, we need to adhere to certain laws you will not overtake your lives.In many cases, a divorce just because he or she wants a permanent relationship.However, there's no way around the park and have a clue how to interact and draw inspiration from people especially your friends and past relationships are bound to start communicating with your spouse feels that they still have to understand what is seen as indifference and the predicament intensifies like there are things that many save marriage advice but not on the verge of divorce threatening marital conflicts.
Is your marriage better they will pity us and stay as calm as you try to think of ways to interpret the truth and the likes carry relevant experience to guide you.Just get back together so that both of you are dealing with.He may feel as they watch their marriage and make the marriage work.Letting your fights get the right thing; they just need a solution that satisfies you both.If you are unhappy but it can be difficult to do so deep in your relationship.
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Queerbaiting, Sherlock, and a lesson in the sexuality spectrum
All right. It’s time to get stuck into this queer baiting mess.
So far everything I’ve read seems to discuss how the audience is owed nothing, and the show’s creators always said it wasn’t going to happen. I’m not going to discuss this angle because I already have way too much to say and these people have summed it up very well.
What I want to talk about, is sexuality.
If you are at all a member of the LGBTIQ+ spectrum, in any shade, then you know that sexuality is complex, fluid, and fickle as fuck. Labels put people in boxes, can cause all kinds of crippling anxiety, and make a person feel like they have to construct themselves in a way that adheres to society’s interpretation of that label. In reality, things are just not that simple. At all.
Consider this: you are a heterosexual. You have no homosexual tendencies at all, and never have - you’re happy and comfortable with who you are and have never felt the desire to change or explore. Now, imagine meeting someone of the same sex that blows you away. I’m talking intelligence, looks, confidence, wit, bravery, determination, morals, loyalty, badassery, you name it, this person has exceeded your expectations.
Do you love this person? Yes. You do. Are you in love with this person? Maybe. You don’t know. Aren’t you straight? Well, shit. What’s happening? Now you’re questioning all your life decisions and who you are and your true identity and trust me, it’s a head fuck. 2/10 would not recommend.
With this mental state in mind, can we just take a second to remember the incredible line from Irene Adler, where she makes yet another quip about John’s obvious love for Sherlock. John says with complete exasperation that, if anyone still cares, he’s not actually gay.
“Well I am,” says Adler.
WELL I AM.
Can we have a god damm standing ovation for this woman?!
Adler, a happily homosexual woman, is attracted to Sherlock. She doesn’t care about your labels and your rules. She doesn’t care about needing to be one or the other. She’s going to do whatever she damn well wants. She is strong, much stronger than John, and she’s brave enough to go after what she wants. This does not make her a heterosexual all of a sudden, it makes her a normal human with human desires that change and fluctuate and are fluid and free. But she is a rare case, and not everyone is this brave or self-aware. And not everyone is as sexual as she is. This is very important.
This brief conversation is one of my favourite lines from any show. As a lesbian-identifying woman who has had male partners and often comments on attractive men, it gets tiring to hear “But aren’t you a lesbian?” Now throw in the fact that my partner is non-binary, and you have a lot of self-conflict on the ‘sexuality is whatever the fuck you want it to be’ spectrum. My favourite answer to this question is “I’m gay, not blind.”
Which brings me back to labels, both self-administered and socially designed.
It took years to find my feet, to happily and outspokenly declare myself a proud lesbian. Those years were scary, full of questions, a whole lot of experimenting and figuring out how exactly the whole gay thing went and what it meant to me and I could go on and on. The point is, it was a long ass time and it was fucking confusing, and the biggest thing of all: It. Still. Is.
Now think about John. Heterosexual John is faced with the all round 10/10 stunning asexual Sherlock. What in the world makes anyone think that these two men are going to suddenly jump ship and start having a romantic relationship? This process is so complex and consuming and at times it breaks you, yet we expect this of one character who is so emotionally vacant and another who is very happy on the straight and heterosexual life path? It’s confusing enough that they love each other at all without throwing romantic love into it.
The show is clever. It is intellectually clever and it is emotionally clever, socially clever, and sexually clever. Sticking two men in a room and making them suddenly gay would be a complete cop out, and wholly offensive to the intricacies and nuances of sexuality, not to mention a shameless ploy for grabbing the LGBTIQ+ crowd’s attention.
Let’s spell it out.
Making John and Sherlock form a romantic relationship would be sexualising a character that is not sexual. It would be making a character homo(or otherwise)sexual that is a heterosexual. It would be ignoring every internal conflict that occurs when someone does something that goes against their inherent sexuality. It would be adhering to societal pressures that tell us a show has no worth unless there is a sexual romance. It would offend via ignorance of any intricacies of sexuality, especially within the LGBTIQ+ spectrum. It would confirm the stereotype that two males cannot have a loving relationship without the high school notion that they must be gay. It would trivialise the entire concept of sexuality. It would completely counter Sherlock’s character. It would simplify an incredibly complex process of self-discovery. It would destroy the relationship of John and Mary, which, just a friendly reminder, is canon, and very much an integral part of the tale. And lastly, it would be downright pandering to the fans who have created a homosexual fantasy for two characters which the creators themselves have said time and time again are NOT going to have a homosexual relationship.
Adler is a character that so brilliantly shatters what it means to be gay or straight. She effortlessly challenges social constructs of labels and expectations. She is brave and strong and she gives precisely zero shits about whether or not John is straight because she knows that it doesn’t matter, because you don’t need to be gay to love someone of the same sex. With one line, she sums up my entire point.
So please, fans. Stop throwing around the term queerbaiting. Stop condemning two very clever creators for actually doing a pretty damm good job of exploring some tremendously complex ideas. The world is not simple, and John and Sherlock forming a romantic relationship is far, far too simple.
- TL;DR: Sexuality is a lot more complex than shoving two men in a room and making them gay so stop with the queerbaiting anger pls.
- I am one queer with an opinion, and I have no doubt you have yours. I am open to debate as long as everyone else is too.
#sherlock#queerbaiting#lgbt#lgbtiq#lgbtqia#homophobia#heterophobia#asexual#homosexual#bisexual#queer#heterosexual#john watson#johnlock#irene adler#mary watson#gay#straight#rant#sexuality#bbc sherlock#benedict cumberbatch#martin freeman#steven moffat#mark gatiss#life lessons#lesbian#getting shit off my chest because life is hard#personal
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Dating a man that is married Make Him Yours or Get out of this Addiction Fast!
Dating a married man aka being the other woman is one of the hardest thing in the world. I remember couple years ago I let myself blindly get involved in a relationship with a cheating husband.
We didn't like him at first and no matter what excuse I threw to myself, it's nothing to do with how or why it started. It was more like..."hey I'm stuck NOW".
schmuck lumber 17325 movies 10 What's worse is that he looked better in my eyes as days go by, and I was starting to tolerate a lot more things (no gifts for my birthday, lonely christmas and holiday times, splitting the bill or picking up his bills, lonely weekends etc). I didn't see him for who he was: a cheating husband.
I put up with every single one of the traditional married man excuse such as 'It's difficult to just leave my marriage', 'if I easily leave my current marriage you'll think bad of me -
but I'll do it sometime since you're so special'...'I'm maybe not in love with my wife..we're heading for separation SOON'...etc.
After 2 more years we started to regain a small amount of my brain consciousness. I started to realise that he was a man that is married a cheating husband! (DUH). Even so, I couldn't let go of him because I thought I loved him to the max. He even let me think that he was my soulmate and more sweet words started to come out of his mouth.
So I decided to be his 'friend' and didn't want to take things further than that. Oh come on, I don't think I could even think straight in the first place...
Finally, I took all my courage together, bought a few of the break up books available available on the market (My favourite til this day: "It's called a break up because it's broken by Greg and
Amiira Behrendt"), silently making a plan in my head to stop having a relationship with a married man.
I knew that even if losing him would cause a pain so excellent, sticking with him was wasting my heart, emotion, and time. I had to get out of it altogether so I had to do what's good and.
Okay, let me share what I did and what steps you can take to stop dealing with a cheating husband and stop dating a married man:
1. Tell him "Action speaks louder than words" and if he loves you he should want to make you happy. You are clearly not happy being stuck in a limbo state and he really should be willing to meet your needs. (you know his words are just mere excuses if he cannot adhere to that)
2. Tell yourself again and again: "If this man really loves you, he should instead respect you of knowingly two timing you".
3. His words will not change your situation. You are not even 'waiting' for any such thing. Refer to rule number 1.
4. The best and fastest way to forget him would be to cut contacts (Physically first, emotionally comes later). I am going to grow on this because I know it's easier said than done. But
trust me, if you do it now it is the FASTEST way to forget him. Timeline is: 2 - 3 weeks and you will be on the borderline of being normal, gradually picking up. 2 months later you is glad you did this.
5. Know that if he really loves you, he will look for you - without the baggage and the wedding ring this time. Otherwise, you would've saved so much time, some pride and some heartbreak.
6. Start being active in your life - take dance lessons/classes or something. Meet up with friends and use those close friends as your 'support group'.
7. begin dating again. You and I both know you had rather rest on the couch than merely having the thoughts of dating someone you are doingn't love. You are still mounted on that married man of course. BUT! At the very least this should distract you from being so attached to this married man.
One term of caution though: Do not fall under a rebound relationship - dating is good, but don't lead them on too much if you don't intend to love them...if guess what happens I mean.
In time, you will seriously find a better love, someone who you can tell the world that is whole he is yours. And most importantly, someone who wants become with you FULL TIME.
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The Top 10 Keys to Losing Weight (How Can I Be Successful in Losing Weight?)
It’s time to learn what separates those who successfully lose weight (and keep it off) with those who don’t.
Getting in shape is tough stuff, so how exactly do people achieve sustainable weight loss?
This isn’t a rhetorical question, we actually know the answer!
We help folks lose weight as part of our 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program, and today we’re going to share with you the keys to success.
How do folks lose weight successfully? Let us show you the way!
Here are The 10 Key Differences Between Weight Loss Success and Failure:
Have a Groot Mindset (Change and Growth)
Know Your “Big Why”
Don’t Go on a Diet (Adjust Your Nutrition)
Know What’s in the Food You Eat
Use Blueprints and Blocks to Create Goals
You Don’t Have to Exercise (You Get to Exercise)
Invest in Your Health like a 401(k)
Go All-in on Momentum (“Never Two in a Row”)
Know Your Kryptonite
Surround Yourself with Supporters, Not Anchors
It’s a lot to cover, so let’s jump right in!
1. Have a Groot Mindset.
Your mom was right: you are a unique snowflake.
That means there are a ton of things that affect why you’ve gained weight over the past decade(s) and why you struggle to lose it:
Genetics
Age
Gender
Stress level
Home environment
Mental health
Activity level
Nutrition
All of these things play a factor in what you look like and how healthy you are. Despite these various factors, I’ve seen a common thread in people who build healthy habits and stick with them:
A Groot Mindset.
Let’s get nerdy for a second (you’re reading Nerd Fitness after all). I assume you’re familiar with Groot, the tree-like superhero from Guardians of the Galaxy. He can grow and change his shape to suit the situation.
He also only says, “I am Groot,” but that’s less applicable here.
HOW TO BUILD A GROWTH MINDSET LIKE GROOT:
Unhealthy Person: “I have a hectic job. My parents are overweight. I am busy. I have children. I have a slow metabolism. I’m never going to be able to lose weight. This plan won’t work for me because [excuse to let myself off the hook]. I’m the fat guy/gal and that’s all there is to it.”
Habit Building Badass: “I have a hectic job. My parents are overweight. I am busy. I have children. Soooo….How can I make this work for me in my situation? I know people like me have lost weight, which is a great sign. I refuse to accept that I am a lost cause. I am Groot.”
Even if it isn’t your fault where you are, if you can accept that it’s your personal responsibility to deal with it then you’re taking a huge first step.
We all have emotional, visceral responses to what we see in the mirror or how we feel when we wake up. We need to cut through the emotion and get to the truth: we alone are responsible for our fate, and that means we alone can fix it.
Like Groot, you can change and grow.
And dance.
You’ll learn that your excuses are moot – if busier, older, fatter, poorer, and more injured people than you can get in shape, you can too.
So, decide TODAY that this year that you are “a healthy, habit-building badass” and then simply do the things that perpetually healthy nerds do.
With each meal or each decision, ask yourself “what would a healthy person do?” And then do that.
2. Know Your “Big Why”.
The road to perpetual weight loss and healthiness is fraught with peril.
Even the best-laid plans and New Years Resolutions will end up in a ditch on the side of the road unless you have a damn good reason.
After all, life gets busy and it’s Taco Tuesday and a new video game just came out and your kid is sick and you just don’t feel like exercising and it’s cold. There will ALWAYS be something.
You will never NOT be busy.
That perseverance will from a damn good answer to the question: “Why?”
Not just “Because I need to lose weight,” but 2-3 levels deeper:
WHY you want to lose weight?
What will losing weight mean for your life or happiness?
What will you be able to do thanks to that weight loss?
That’s the motivation and answer you need to be reminded of to persevere over the next few months.
If your answer is: “I’m here because my doctor/wife/husband thinks I should lose weight. I know I should exercise more and do more,” you are doomed. You will give up at the first sign of adversity.
Compare this to the raw, deep, honest answers we get from NF Coaching Clients when we ask about their “Big WHY”:
“I’m here because my dad died of a heart attack at age 45, and I don’t want my kids growing up without a father like I did.”
“I’m here because I want my husband/wife to look at me the way he/she used to, and I want us to grow old together.”
“I’m here because I just got dumped and I want to get healthy so I can start dating again. I don’t want people swiping left on my photos anymore.”
“I’m here because I want to look in the mirror and be proud of what I see. I want to stop hiding behind others in photographs.”
Why are you here? Why do you want to build healthy habits?
Is your reason for being here more important to you than cake? If it isn’t, you’re gonna give up at the first sign of adversity.
Write down your Great Big Why – and go deep, my friend. Way down. And ask yourself “Why?” to the answer of each of your questions until you get to the root of your reason for being here.
Once you write that answer down, hang it up somewhere you can see it every day: fridge, cubicle, bathroom mirror. Accept responsibility for your current situation, be compassionate that you’re in a tough spot, and then ALSO accept that you CAN change, and your identity can change with small wins that prove it.
3. don’t go on a diet. adjust Your nutrition.
Perpetually unhealthy people have a love/hate relationship with diets.
Mostly hate.
They go on diets all the time – especially in early January, and then they go off diets. And then they go on another diet. And then they find another diet that’s supposed to promise even faster, easier weight loss, so they switch to that one.
Unhealthy people get dieting wrong from the start, and this is what dooms them.
Unhealthy people go on a diet for a month or two, and they can’t wait to go back to “eating normally.”
The problem is that their “eating normally” is the reason why they’re overweight in the first place.
They go Keto for a month and have success, then fall off…then go Paleo for 6 weeks and lose 40 pounds, and then fall off…then they do a cleanse for 30 days and drop 2 pant sizes, and then fall off…
Temporary changes to one’s eating results in temporary results to one’s weight and physique.
Like an addict chasing the next high, somebody consistently has to chase the next diet because their normal eating is the problem in the first place!
And yup, dieting sucks.
Starvation, eliminating favorite foods, and trying to use willpower to avoid candy and sweets is a terrible strategy, so stop doing it.
No wonder people abandon diets as soon as they start them; they think, “If this is what it takes to be skinny, I’d rather stay fat and happy.”
This year, make a pledge to NOT go on a diet.
Instead, come to terms with this: “My concept of ‘normal eating’ is broken, which means that needs to change permanently in order for me to get healthy permanently.”
Think about that for a second.
If you “never get to be done” with your nutrition, and you can’t go back to how you were eating before, then the ONLY way permanent success happens is if you actually enjoy your new “normal.”
Stop going on diets!
No more diet pills, cleanses or crazy 30-day strategies.
Nothing you do can be temporary, or the results will be temporary.
Instead you are going to make deliberate, incremental permanent changes to your daily nutrition, slowly, over a period of many months.
Eat to line up with your goals.
If you are afraid of giving up something, don’t! Make the unhealthy foods more of a treat and less of a daily indulgence:
If giving up soda forever is scary, slowly cut back from 12 a day down to one a day.
If giving up pasta forever sounds like a life not worth living, learn about portion sizes and make it an experience (only at restaurants, for example).
The same goes for diet pills and supplements – Supplements cannot replace a good nutrition strategy.
When you think about getting healthy this year, think in terms of days and years, not weeks and months:
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Know that it took years for you to get to your current physique, and it’s going to take months if not years to correct it. This means you HAVE to enjoy the journey.
Once you accept that you never get to be “done,” you can start picking small adjustments or changes that won’t scare you away from adhering to your plan.
4.know what’s in the food You eat.
Did you know that when it comes to weight loss, your nutrition choices will account for 90% of your success or failure?
In the Nerd Fitness Rebellion, we refer to this as the “you can’t outrun your fork” rule.
Seriously. 90+ PERCENT of the equation.
Tattoo this on your forehead. Hire somebody to skywrite it above your home every day. Pay somebody to call you every morning and remind you of this fact.
Whatever it takes to get you to realize that changing your eating habits will be the fastest (and only) path to weight loss in 2020.
And it starts by educating yourself about your food.
Make a habit of knowing what’s in the food you eat!
Whether it’s portion control, calorie counting, tracking macros, or even keeping a food journal, it’s important to have a rough idea of the total calories and nutritional breakdown of the food you consume regularly.
After all, GI Joe tells us that “Knowing is half the battle!”
The other half is lasers:
With each meal tracked, this habits adds up to knowing what needs to happen every day for you to get healthy.
Once you know how many calories you should be eating every day, you can start to make more informed decisions on foods that fill you up but are low in calories:
Spoiler alert: as we point out in our healthy eating guide, it’s healthy protein, fruits, veggies, and correct portions of healthy carbs.
Once you learn to read a nutrition label, you can start to avoid marketing hype and buzzwords and focus on the actual product!
For example, here are two different beverages:
Coca-Cola (20 oz): 240 calories, 65 g of carbs (65 g of sugar)
Naked Juice Green Machine (15 oz): 270 calories, 63 g of carbs (55 g of sugar)
Look at those two things above: one is a can of cola that you know is bad for you, the other is marketed as a “healthy beverage.”
Neither one is great for you, and the calories must be accounted for in your daily intake.
Having some fun, we decided to make this:
Don’t fall for the hype: read the label, count your calories, and break free of the Matrix!
Learn about the food you’re eating. You’re an adult, you can take 3 minutes and Google it.
Once you know the composition of your meals, you can start to make subtle adjustments or change quantities over time as you start to approach a healthier weight.
Be okay with “good enough” to start, and get more accurate as time goes on.
What’s that? You don’t know how to eat healthy? I got you, boo: “A beginner’s guide to healthy eating.”
For each food, learn the following:
Total calories
Serving size
Fat
Protein
Carbs (especially sugar if you are hooked on the stuff)
Don’t overthink this: Write down what you eat every day for a week. If your weight isn’t changing, adjust down total calories and minimize sugar consumption and see how your weight changes.
Make small adjustments over time and see how your body responds.
Speaking of goals…
5. Use Blueprints and Blocks to Create Goals.
Perpetually unhealthy people say things like “I’m going to exercise more this year!”
Goals like this are cloudy with no real markers for success.
With no beacon guiding them, perpetually unhealthy people don’t know if they’re on track, and there’s no accountability if they don’t succeed. These goals get tossed in the abandoned pile next to goals like “I’m gonna start flossing!”
Compare this to what you’re going to do in 2020:
Pick a reachable blueprint to follow: an outcome-based goal.
Place the blocks to build that blueprint: a habit-based goal.
Let’s see this in action: “I want to lose X amount of weight by X date.”
With a very specific goal and a specific timeline, we can work backwards to calculate how much weight we need to lose each week to build that blueprint: our target weight.
Once you know where you want to be a year from now – you can then just focus on what you need to do TODAY.
EXAMPLE: I want to lose 50 pounds by December 31st, 2020.
Okay, if it’s January 1st, that’s roughly one pound per week. So then, what needs to happen each day to help us reach that goal? Let’s focus there.
Focusing on the habit (“today I’m going to drink only one soda instead of 3, and have one vegetable“) allows you to not get overwhelmed at the big picture.
In Minecraft terms, once you have the blueprints for a replica of Rivendell from Lord of the Rings, all you have to focus on is placing the next block in the right place. And then repeat!
Eventually, you’ll have Rivendell:
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Here’s a real-life example of this block-placing mentality:
“My goal is to reach my goal weight of 150 pounds by December 1st, 2020, so I will eat one vegetable every day, and I will strength train for 30 minutes, two days per week. On other days, I’ll go for a 10 minute walk.”
What happens when you do this: you stop worrying about the outcome, and instead JUST focus on the habit you have to do today.
It allows you to very easily answer the question: “Yes I placed the block” or “no I did not place the block.”
You either ate a vegetable today or you didn’t.
You either exercised for 30 minutes today or you didn’t.
Make sure you are picking a blueprint that you can build (it’s not TOO unrealistic), and keep things simple. A target weight loss goal of 1 pound per week is reasonable and sustainable. Remember that the focus should be on SUSTAINABLE progress – not “progress at any cost.”
Once you start reaching goals, you can create more complex plans.
Or in fantasy terms, after you finally slay the dragon, go find a bigger one!
6. You don’t HAVE to exercise, You GET to exercise.
Unhealthy people treat exercise as a miserable means to an end:
“I’ll exercise until I reach my goal weight and then I can stop this exercise stuff and go back to what I was doing before.”
Temporary changes, miserable strategy, temporary results… sound familiar?
They run on a treadmill because they think they should, but they hate it, and they never want to go back. Or they get dragged to a class with a friend and the class ruins fitness for them.
They do their best to build the habit, but they’re so unhappy and unexcited about the exercise that the habit never sticks. They only exercise until they reach a goal and then they stop. Ugh. Temporary changes = temporary results!
Look, here’s the truth: “exercise” sucks.
So you’re going to stop doing “exercise.”
I’ve heard from Nerd Fitness Clients time and time again: “I can’t believe it, but I actually look forward to exercising now. How did THAT happen?”
What’s going on here?
Because nutrition is 90% of the battle, building a habit of exercise and movement is more important than what specific type of exercise you choose.
Here are 40 ways to exercise without realizing it:
adult gymnastics
swing dancing
ultimate frisbee
martial arts
hiking (or even just walking!)
strength training.
You don’t have to exercise in a way that you hate.
Pick the kind of exercise that makes you come alive. Don’t have that form of exercise yet? Try new things!
Especially the stuff that doesn’t feel like exercise.
Nutrition is 90% of the battle, so the exercise can be something that you enjoy, that reminds you to make better food choices so your efforts don’t go to waste.
Desperate to lose weight faster? In addition to fixing your nutrition, try temptation bundling to get you to go to the gym.
Have a specific physique in mind (six pack, toned arms, a better butt, broader chest, etc.)? Build the body you want and get hooked on improvement: “I can’t wait to go to the gym and find out how much stronger I got today compared to last week.”
You are a video game character increasing your strength attribute with each training session.
7. They invest in their health like a 401(k).
When it comes down to our health, we can invest in three ways:
Time
Effort
Money
Healthy habit-building badasses know this and prioritize accordingly: they know investing in their health is the best decision they can make for the long term. So they decide what’s the correct balance of time, effort, and money to use for that investment.
Your health is an investment, just like your net worth:
If you want to devote your effort and time to building your own workouts, crafting your own meal plans, and keeping yourself accountable, that’s awesome! I did this for myself for years.
You might decide to outsource your programming to a coach, recruit an accountability partner, or buy into a program that creates your workouts and nutrition for you.
Either way, this is a months or years-long process that requires discipline! Every day you get a tiny bit better compounds upon the day before and builds you a big nest egg (read: a great physique) that will keep you wealthy (read: healthy) for decades and decades.
We’ve had thousands of people who read all the free content on Nerd Fitness for years with no results, because they never invested in themselves.
However the second they finally invested in themselves by hired a 1-on-1 coach, they took action and lost weight within months. The same is true for our self-paced course, The Nerd Fitness Academy or joined Rising Heroes (our monthly habit building adventure).
Why?
Because we VALUE what we pay for and invest in, making us more likely to actually do the damn thing. And we don’t value what we get for free or take for granted.
Unhealthy people don’t look at all of this stuff rationally – they complain about spending 99 cents on an iPhone app that could dramatically improve the quality of their life, and then gladly spend $6 on a sugary Starbucks beverage each morning without a second thought.
People email me all the time asking, “Why should I pay for a course when there is free information online?”
Welp, there has been free information online for decades – has it gotten you in shape yet? Maybe there’s a point to investing in yourself!
Many people – myself included – will gladly pay for somebody to cut through all of the noise and bad information to deliver ONLY the right information that they need to read or hear.
Your money, your time, and your effort are all limited resources: how you choose to spend each of them tells me a lot about your priorities.
Personally, I gladly pay hundreds of dollars every month for my own online fitness coach, and have done so since 2014.
Many probably think I’m crazy and that this is a waste of money (“just do your own workouts!”), but I feel that it’s the best money I spend every month, and it’s why I’ve prioritized it over other expenses.
I’m not just paying for a workout plan in an excel document.
I am paying for accountability from somebody who is checking in on me, expertise from a trained professional who can spot my weaknesses, and the knowledge that I’ll actually do the workout because I’m spending my hard-earned money on it.
And it got me the results that had eluded me for a decade.
It’s not what you say is a priority, it’s what you spend your time or money on that’s a priority.
Prioritize your money and time on the best stuff, even at the expense of other creature comforts, and you’re more likely to get in shape because you’ll actually care about it.
Answer these questions:
How much money do you spend on your health?
How much time and effort do you devote to creating your workouts or fine-tuning your nutrition?
Have you ever hired a coach or paid for an online course?
Do you buy apps or software that make your life easier, or do you try to get by with free stuff that you know you won’t actually use?
Sometimes spending money is the best investment you can make in yourself – because you KNOW that the free option is something you won’t stick with!
Although you have a free gym in your apartment complex, pay money to join a gym near work with fitness classes, because you hate working out alone and if you know people are counting on you to show up.
Pre-pay for 20 personal trainer sessions – if you’ve already paid for it and scheduled the workouts, you’ll actually GO.
On vacation and afraid you’ll backslide on all habits? Pay $20-30 to just go to a gym for one hour on vacation. Expensive? Not when you compare it to the weeks spent after the vacation trying to get back on track.
Decide what to sacrifice. It might mean you have to skip movies out or cancel your cable to prioritize a healthy meal service or buy more cookbooks so you never get bored with cooking new healthy meals.
Start thinking about this from a different perspective:
You’re not buying a fitness course or a trainer or an overpriced salad (that you would never make for yourself anyways).
You’re not just hiring a coach that prescribes you a workout that you could have found for free on the internet.
You’re investing in your future and purchasing accountability and expertise and momentum.
If you are looking for that expert guidance, accountability, and peace of mind that you’re training the right way for your goals, schedule a free consultation with Team NF to learn about our coaching program today!
8. Go All In On Momentum.
Remember that Isaac Newton guy?
“An object at rest tends to stay at rest, and an object in motion tends to stay in motion, unless acted on by another force.”
This is called “inertia,” and nothing could be more applicable when it comes to your health.
Unhealthy people have a LOT of inertia to overcome when they are trying to build healthy habits and get in shape:
Their body is used to sitting on a couch and eating junk food, which means the habit of exercise is agonizing. They have to convince themselves to get off the couch and go out into the wilderness. Eating vegetables and healthy food sucks compared to their normal comfort food.
But they use max effort to do these things a few times, and momentum starts to shift away from unhealthy and towards healthy.
And that’s when things fall apart.
Their kid gets sick or they work late and they miss a workout. Not the end of the world, right? But then it snows the next day, and one missed workout day becomes two, which becomes a month in the blink of an eye.
And they’re back to square one.
We are going to focus instead on cultivating and protecting momentum.
Perpetual health doesn’t happen in days, or with a few decisions. It takes months (or more likely, years) of consistent effort.
And shit happens.
Travel. Vacation. Kids. Work. Life.
It’s more than just “missing a workout.” It’s killing your momentum, and momentum is crucial to long term health.
So they focus on doing whatever they can to build momentum quickly and maintain it.
Momentum is crucial to being perpetually healthy, so protect it with your life.
So, focus on momentum until their default behavior is healthy and they can go on autopilot:
Exercise 4 days per week without fail. Yes, even on vacation. Yup, even if it’s only push-ups for 5 minutes.
Go for a morning walk every single day, even when it’s snowing.
Schedule workouts for early Saturday morning with a trainer so they know they can’t drink like a fish on Friday night.
Put your workouts in your calendar. Have your friend give $50 of your money to a cause you hate every time you miss a workout.
Because momentum.
Which means you should be following my favorite rule: never miss two in a row.
Two missed workouts quickly becomes 30 in the blink of an eye. Two bad meals quickly becomes a week of pizza and Chinese food.
So “never two in a row!” – never eat two bad meals in a row, never miss a workout two days in a row.
If you miss a workout, that next day is suddenly the most important workout of your life. Do whatever you need to do to get to the gym!
If you eat a bad meal, that’s fine! Enjoy it. But that next meal is suddenly the most important meal of your life! Do whatever you need to do to eat a dang vegetable!
9. Know Your Kryptonite.
I want to share an important quote from the late, great physicist Richard Feynman:
“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself – and you are the easiest person to fool.”
Unhealthy people might be aware of their Kryptonite, but they just hope and pray they have enough willpower to overcome it every day.
They eat a single Oreo, and then spend an hour thinking about cookies until they go eat a whole sleeve of Oreo cookies and then berate themselves for not having more willpower to avoid the temptation.
The truth is that we are all flawed superheroes.
Unhealthy people try to fix their flaws through sheer willpower and then feel deep shame when they can’t stop their behavior.
Permanently healthy people recognize their Kryptonite, and have a plan to avoid or protect against it:
If they know grains make them unhappy and bloated, they follow a Paleo diet and remove those foods completely so there’s no attempt to only eat half a serving of something.
If they know they struggle with portion control, then maybe they try skipping a meal with Intermittent Fasting.
They also ask the questions that get to the heart of their Kryptonite with regards to weight gain:
Maybe they eat when they’re bored.
Maybe they eat when they’re upset.
Maybe they eat when they’re nervous.
Maybe they eat when they’re watching TV.
They KNOW these things about themselves, and they know unhealthy food has been designed to be addictive.
So they plan for it!
Know thyself, my dear friend, and know what your triggers are.
We’re all flawed; plan for your flaws instead of trying to fight them. These triggers can be environmental or situational or emotional. Know it will happen, and build a Kryptonite-proof plan so you don’t have to worry about avoiding it.
Stop relying on motivation and willpower to tackle your Kryptonite.
Add accountability, punishments, and rewards into your life to stay on track and avoid your Kryptonite:
Check in with someone everyday to make sure they ate their vegetables.
Instruct your friend to donate your $50 to a politician you hate if you miss a workout check-in.
Reward yourself with new running shoes (a reward that rewards you back with more momentum) if you complete 20 runs in a single month.
Don’t go to certain bars or make sure you eat before going to a party, because you KNOW you’ll make a bad decision once you get there.
Build your Batcave (your environment) so it’s tougher to make unhealthy decisions and easier to make healthy ones.
Don’t go out to dinner at unhealthy restaurants, and schedule early workouts on Saturdays so you won’t drink yourself silly on Friday.
You don’t need to be flawless. You don’t need a perfect plan. What you do need is to have an honest conversation with yourself about things you need to avoid while you’re trying to make healthier choices.
That might be certain restaurants, certain aisles of the supermarket, or even certain people….
10. Surround Yourself with Supporters, Not Anchors
You are the average of the 5 people you associate most with.
Are they banana peels?
Or are they Lakitus?
Banana peels need no introduction: drive over one in Mario Kart and they’ll ruin a perfectly good race by crushing all of your momentum.
Compare that to Lakitu. If you’re not familiar, he’s the little guy on the cloud in Mario Kart that picks you up when you fall off the track and puts you back on course.
Unhealthy people get spun out all the time by the banana peels in their lives:
“What do you mean you don’t want to eat my lasagna anymore? You love my cooking.”
“Everybody is coming over to play D&D and eat pizza, you can’t miss this.”
“You don’t need to lose weight. You look fine. Live a little. Come on.”
Questions and comments like these subtly influence our behavior every day. Which is how you end up looking like and acting like the 5 people you associate most with.
Compare this to Lakitus: the people who want you to succeed, who hold you accountable and make you want to be better.
I recently asked our private men’s community from the Nerd Fitness Academy what the group meant to them.
This response jumped out at me:
You need to be surrounded by people that pick you up, not slow you down.
Healthy people know this, and they make the hard decisions about who is worthy of their time and attention.
They often fire their unhealthy friends and family – even if only temporarily – because they can’t be around negative influence as they’re trying to build momentum.
I’ve heard of tons of stories where unhealthy relationships have ended because a newly healthy individual was dating an unhealthy person who didn’t want them to be healthy and was actively sabotaging them.
Why does this happen? Because it’s often easier to drag other people down than it is to look honestly in the mirror and address one’s shortcomings or unhealthy.
If you are trying to get healthy, minimize your time around banana peels and MAXIMIZE your time with Lakitus.
You are influenced dramatically by the people around you whether you realize it or not. How are these people influencing you?
Take exercise:
Banana Peel: You want to exercise, but your friends are mad at you for skipping a Destiny 2 or World of Warcraft raid… you’re going to skip the workout.
Lakitu: You want to exercise, and your friends are at the gym counting on you for a team workout… you’re gonna get your ass to the gym!
Food:
Banana Peel: You are out to dinner with friends and they order lasagna, chicken fingers and fries, a large pizza, and enchiladas. You’ll likely order junk food to fit in, rather than order a salad and endure their scorn.
Lakitu: You are at a healthy restaurant and all 4 people order salads before you order – I’d bet $1000 you’re going to order something healthy too.
Mental health:
Banana Peel: You have 5 friends who never talk about anything serious: how are you supposed to tell them about your depression medication or that you’re thinking about going to see a therapist?
Lakitu: You have 5 friends who are not only accepting of your flaws, but share theirs too and have advice for you.
Decide who is worthy of your attention, and work on putting yourself in situations with people who make you want to be better.
This might mean a serious conversation with your significant other that “likes you more full-figured” if your goal is to be healthier and happier.
Or diving deep into deflection strategies if you have to constantly deal with unhealthy family members you can’t fire.
If they are worth your time, they will change their tune to be more supportive and helpful and less of an anchor.
And then start spending time around people who are stronger, healthier, happier, and more successful than you. And do what they do.
Use 20 seconds of courage to strike up a conversation with someone at the gym on how to do a certain exercise, and make plans to train together the next day.
Join a running club at work, or start a running club if one doesn’t exist yet.
If you don’t have people in real life cheering them on, find an online group that pushes them to be better.
How is 2020 Going to Be Different?
Phew! Okay, let’s see how many of these you can actually check off:
I have a Groot Mindset
I know my Big Why
I don’t go on diets. I adjust my nutrition.
I know what my food is made of.
I have blueprints and blocks.
I don’t have to exercise; I GET to.
I invest in my health like a 401(k).
I go all-in on momentum.
I know my Kryptonite.
I seek out Lakitus, not banana peels.
Give yourself a score, and let me know which ones are the toughest for you to follow through on.
If you checked 6 or fewer boxes, pick ONE of the habits and work on it for the next month. Internalize it. Make it part of your new identity. And then move onto the next one.
You’re overcoming inertia and building momentum!
And NEVER underestimate momentum. Once you build it, it can be hard to stop!
We have three great ways to start the ball rolling, right here in our own community. Pick the path that best aligns with your goals:
#1) Our 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program: a coaching program for busy people to help them make better food choices, stay accountable, and get healthier, permanently.
You can schedule a free call with our team so we can get to know you and see if our coaching program is right for you.
Our coaching program changes lives. Learn more here!
#2) The Nerd Fitness Academy – This self-paced online course has helped 50,000 people get results permanently.
There’s a 10-level nutrition system, boss battles, 20+ workouts, and the most supportive community in the galaxy!
Join the NF Academy! One payment, lifetime access.
#3) Join The Rebellion! We have a free email newsletter that we send out twice per week, full of tips and tricks to help you get healthy, get strong, and have fun doing so.
I’ll also send you tons of free guides that you can use to start leveling up your life too:
Download our free weight loss guide
THE NERD FITNESS DIET: 10 Levels to Change Your Life
Follow our 10-level nutrition system at your own pace
What you need to know about weight loss and healthy eating
3 Simple rules we follow every day to stay on target
Alright, now it’s your turn:
Agree with my 10 traits? Disagree?
Did I leave one off?
Leave that in the comments too!
-Steve
PS: Make sure you check out the rest of our Sustainable Weight Loss Content:
The 5 Rules of Weight Loss
Why Can’t I Lose Weight?
How to Lose Weight and Build Muscle at the Same Time
How to Start Eating Healthy (Without Giving up the Food You Love)
Which Diet is Right for Me?
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Gif source: Baby Groot, Groot, Busy Cat, Scrubs, Sesame Street, Confused Dog, Old School Driving, Sad Spider-Man
photo credit: Reiterlied Rex across the fields, Meeting Star Lord and Baby Groot, benjaminreay Big question mark, Mark Bonica Paleo Diet – Day 14, clement127 Chicken factory, post-apocalyptic research institute 3mm model, sualk61 Hamster wheel, evoo73 balance, hjl Kryptonite on Blue, Reiterlied Biking on the Lake
The Top 10 Keys to Losing Weight (How Can I Be Successful in Losing Weight?) published first on https://dietariouspage.tumblr.com/
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The Top 10 Keys to Losing Weight (How Can I Be Successful in Losing Weight?)
It’s time to learn what separates those who successfully lose weight (and keep it off) with those who don’t.
Getting in shape is tough stuff, so how exactly do people achieve sustainable weight loss?
This isn’t a rhetorical question, we actually know the answer!
We help folks lose weight as part of our 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program, and today we’re going to share with you the keys to success.
How do folks lose weight successfully? Let us show you the way!
Here are The 10 Key Differences Between Weight Loss Success and Failure:
Have a Groot Mindset (Change and Growth)
Know Your “Big Why”
Don’t Go on a Diet (Adjust Your Nutrition)
Know What’s in the Food You Eat
Use Blueprints and Blocks to Create Goals
You Don’t Have to Exercise (You Get to Exercise)
Invest in Your Health like a 401(k)
Go All-in on Momentum (“Never Two in a Row”)
Know Your Kryptonite
Surround Yourself with Supporters, Not Anchors
It’s a lot to cover, so let’s jump right in!
1. Have a Groot Mindset.
Your mom was right: you are a unique snowflake.
That means there are a ton of things that affect why you’ve gained weight over the past decade(s) and why you struggle to lose it:
Genetics
Age
Gender
Stress level
Home environment
Mental health
Activity level
Nutrition
All of these things play a factor in what you look like and how healthy you are. Despite these various factors, I’ve seen a common thread in people who build healthy habits and stick with them:
A Groot Mindset.
Let’s get nerdy for a second (you’re reading Nerd Fitness after all). I assume you’re familiar with Groot, the tree-like superhero from Guardians of the Galaxy. He can grow and change his shape to suit the situation.
He also only says, “I am Groot,” but that’s less applicable here.
HOW TO BUILD A GROWTH MINDSET LIKE GROOT:
Unhealthy Person: “I have a hectic job. My parents are overweight. I am busy. I have children. I have a slow metabolism. I’m never going to be able to lose weight. This plan won’t work for me because [excuse to let myself off the hook]. I’m the fat guy/gal and that’s all there is to it.”
Habit Building Badass: “I have a hectic job. My parents are overweight. I am busy. I have children. Soooo….How can I make this work for me in my situation? I know people like me have lost weight, which is a great sign. I refuse to accept that I am a lost cause. I am Groot.”
Even if it isn’t your fault where you are, if you can accept that it’s your personal responsibility to deal with it then you’re taking a huge first step.
We all have emotional, visceral responses to what we see in the mirror or how we feel when we wake up. We need to cut through the emotion and get to the truth: we alone are responsible for our fate, and that means we alone can fix it.
Like Groot, you can change and grow.
And dance.
You’ll learn that your excuses are moot – if busier, older, fatter, poorer, and more injured people than you can get in shape, you can too.
So, decide TODAY that this year that you are “a healthy, habit-building badass” and then simply do the things that perpetually healthy nerds do.
With each meal or each decision, ask yourself “what would a healthy person do?” And then do that.
2. Know Your “Big Why”.
The road to perpetual weight loss and healthiness is fraught with peril.
Even the best-laid plans and New Years Resolutions will end up in a ditch on the side of the road unless you have a damn good reason.
After all, life gets busy and it’s Taco Tuesday and a new video game just came out and your kid is sick and you just don’t feel like exercising and it’s cold. There will ALWAYS be something.
You will never NOT be busy.
That perseverance will from a damn good answer to the question: “Why?”
Not just “Because I need to lose weight,” but 2-3 levels deeper:
WHY you want to lose weight?
What will losing weight mean for your life or happiness?
What will you be able to do thanks to that weight loss?
That’s the motivation and answer you need to be reminded of to persevere over the next few months.
If your answer is: “I’m here because my doctor/wife/husband thinks I should lose weight. I know I should exercise more and do more,” you are doomed. You will give up at the first sign of adversity.
Compare this to the raw, deep, honest answers we get from NF Coaching Clients when we ask about their “Big WHY”:
“I’m here because my dad died of a heart attack at age 45, and I don’t want my kids growing up without a father like I did.”
“I’m here because I want my husband/wife to look at me the way he/she used to, and I want us to grow old together.”
“I’m here because I just got dumped and I want to get healthy so I can start dating again. I don’t want people swiping left on my photos anymore.”
“I’m here because I want to look in the mirror and be proud of what I see. I want to stop hiding behind others in photographs.”
Why are you here? Why do you want to build healthy habits?
Is your reason for being here more important to you than cake? If it isn’t, you’re gonna give up at the first sign of adversity.
Write down your Great Big Why – and go deep, my friend. Way down. And ask yourself “Why?” to the answer of each of your questions until you get to the root of your reason for being here.
Once you write that answer down, hang it up somewhere you can see it every day: fridge, cubicle, bathroom mirror. Accept responsibility for your current situation, be compassionate that you’re in a tough spot, and then ALSO accept that you CAN change, and your identity can change with small wins that prove it.
3. don’t go on a diet. adjust Your nutrition.
Perpetually unhealthy people have a love/hate relationship with diets.
Mostly hate.
They go on diets all the time – especially in early January, and then they go off diets. And then they go on another diet. And then they find another diet that’s supposed to promise even faster, easier weight loss, so they switch to that one.
Unhealthy people get dieting wrong from the start, and this is what dooms them.
Unhealthy people go on a diet for a month or two, and they can’t wait to go back to “eating normally.”
The problem is that their “eating normally” is the reason why they’re overweight in the first place.
They go Keto for a month and have success, then fall off…then go Paleo for 6 weeks and lose 40 pounds, and then fall off…then they do a cleanse for 30 days and drop 2 pant sizes, and then fall off…
Temporary changes to one’s eating results in temporary results to one’s weight and physique.
Like an addict chasing the next high, somebody consistently has to chase the next diet because their normal eating is the problem in the first place!
And yup, dieting sucks.
Starvation, eliminating favorite foods, and trying to use willpower to avoid candy and sweets is a terrible strategy, so stop doing it.
No wonder people abandon diets as soon as they start them; they think, “If this is what it takes to be skinny, I’d rather stay fat and happy.”
This year, make a pledge to NOT go on a diet.
Instead, come to terms with this: “My concept of ‘normal eating’ is broken, which means that needs to change permanently in order for me to get healthy permanently.”
Think about that for a second.
If you “never get to be done” with your nutrition, and you can’t go back to how you were eating before, then the ONLY way permanent success happens is if you actually enjoy your new “normal.”
Stop going on diets!
No more diet pills, cleanses or crazy 30-day strategies.
Nothing you do can be temporary, or the results will be temporary.
Instead you are going to make deliberate, incremental permanent changes to your daily nutrition, slowly, over a period of many months.
Eat to line up with your goals.
If you are afraid of giving up something, don’t! Make the unhealthy foods more of a treat and less of a daily indulgence:
If giving up soda forever is scary, slowly cut back from 12 a day down to one a day.
If giving up pasta forever sounds like a life not worth living, learn about portion sizes and make it an experience (only at restaurants, for example).
The same goes for diet pills and supplements – Supplements cannot replace a good nutrition strategy.
When you think about getting healthy this year, think in terms of days and years, not weeks and months:
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Know that it took years for you to get to your current physique, and it’s going to take months if not years to correct it. This means you HAVE to enjoy the journey.
Once you accept that you never get to be “done,” you can start picking small adjustments or changes that won’t scare you away from adhering to your plan.
4.know what’s in the food You eat.
Did you know that when it comes to weight loss, your nutrition choices will account for 90% of your success or failure?
In the Nerd Fitness Rebellion, we refer to this as the “you can’t outrun your fork” rule.
Seriously. 90+ PERCENT of the equation.
Tattoo this on your forehead. Hire somebody to skywrite it above your home every day. Pay somebody to call you every morning and remind you of this fact.
Whatever it takes to get you to realize that changing your eating habits will be the fastest (and only) path to weight loss in 2020.
And it starts by educating yourself about your food.
Make a habit of knowing what’s in the food you eat!
Whether it’s portion control, calorie counting, tracking macros, or even keeping a food journal, it’s important to have a rough idea of the total calories and nutritional breakdown of the food you consume regularly.
After all, GI Joe tells us that “Knowing is half the battle!”
The other half is lasers:
With each meal tracked, this habits adds up to knowing what needs to happen every day for you to get healthy.
Once you know how many calories you should be eating every day, you can start to make more informed decisions on foods that fill you up but are low in calories:
Spoiler alert: as we point out in our healthy eating guide, it’s healthy protein, fruits, veggies, and correct portions of healthy carbs.
Once you learn to read a nutrition label, you can start to avoid marketing hype and buzzwords and focus on the actual product!
For example, here are two different beverages:
Coca-Cola (20 oz): 240 calories, 65 g of carbs (65 g of sugar)
Naked Juice Green Machine (15 oz): 270 calories, 63 g of carbs (55 g of sugar)
Look at those two things above: one is a can of cola that you know is bad for you, the other is marketed as a “healthy beverage.”
Neither one is great for you, and the calories must be accounted for in your daily intake.
Having some fun, we decided to make this:
Don’t fall for the hype: read the label, count your calories, and break free of the Matrix!
Learn about the food you’re eating. You’re an adult, you can take 3 minutes and Google it.
Once you know the composition of your meals, you can start to make subtle adjustments or change quantities over time as you start to approach a healthier weight.
Be okay with “good enough” to start, and get more accurate as time goes on.
What’s that? You don’t know how to eat healthy? I got you, boo: “A beginner’s guide to healthy eating.”
For each food, learn the following:
Total calories
Serving size
Fat
Protein
Carbs (especially sugar if you are hooked on the stuff)
Don’t overthink this: Write down what you eat every day for a week. If your weight isn’t changing, adjust down total calories and minimize sugar consumption and see how your weight changes.
Make small adjustments over time and see how your body responds.
Speaking of goals…
5. Use Blueprints and Blocks to Create Goals.
Perpetually unhealthy people say things like “I’m going to exercise more this year!”
Goals like this are cloudy with no real markers for success.
With no beacon guiding them, perpetually unhealthy people don’t know if they’re on track, and there’s no accountability if they don’t succeed. These goals get tossed in the abandoned pile next to goals like “I’m gonna start flossing!”
Compare this to what you’re going to do in 2020:
Pick a reachable blueprint to follow: an outcome-based goal.
Place the blocks to build that blueprint: a habit-based goal.
Let’s see this in action: “I want to lose X amount of weight by X date.”
With a very specific goal and a specific timeline, we can work backwards to calculate how much weight we need to lose each week to build that blueprint: our target weight.
Once you know where you want to be a year from now – you can then just focus on what you need to do TODAY.
EXAMPLE: I want to lose 50 pounds by December 31st, 2020.
Okay, if it’s January 1st, that’s roughly one pound per week. So then, what needs to happen each day to help us reach that goal? Let’s focus there.
Focusing on the habit (“today I’m going to drink only one soda instead of 3, and have one vegetable“) allows you to not get overwhelmed at the big picture.
In Minecraft terms, once you have the blueprints for a replica of Rivendell from Lord of the Rings, all you have to focus on is placing the next block in the right place. And then repeat!
Eventually, you’ll have Rivendell:
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Here’s a real-life example of this block-placing mentality:
“My goal is to reach my goal weight of 150 pounds by December 1st, 2020, so I will eat one vegetable every day, and I will strength train for 30 minutes, two days per week. On other days, I’ll go for a 10 minute walk.”
What happens when you do this: you stop worrying about the outcome, and instead JUST focus on the habit you have to do today.
It allows you to very easily answer the question: “Yes I placed the block” or “no I did not place the block.”
You either ate a vegetable today or you didn’t.
You either exercised for 30 minutes today or you didn’t.
Make sure you are picking a blueprint that you can build (it’s not TOO unrealistic), and keep things simple. A target weight loss goal of 1 pound per week is reasonable and sustainable. Remember that the focus should be on SUSTAINABLE progress – not “progress at any cost.”
Once you start reaching goals, you can create more complex plans.
Or in fantasy terms, after you finally slay the dragon, go find a bigger one!
6. You don’t HAVE to exercise, You GET to exercise.
Unhealthy people treat exercise as a miserable means to an end:
“I’ll exercise until I reach my goal weight and then I can stop this exercise stuff and go back to what I was doing before.”
Temporary changes, miserable strategy, temporary results… sound familiar?
They run on a treadmill because they think they should, but they hate it, and they never want to go back. Or they get dragged to a class with a friend and the class ruins fitness for them.
They do their best to build the habit, but they’re so unhappy and unexcited about the exercise that the habit never sticks. They only exercise until they reach a goal and then they stop. Ugh. Temporary changes = temporary results!
Look, here’s the truth: “exercise” sucks.
So you’re going to stop doing “exercise.”
I’ve heard from Nerd Fitness Clients time and time again: “I can’t believe it, but I actually look forward to exercising now. How did THAT happen?”
What’s going on here?
Because nutrition is 90% of the battle, building a habit of exercise and movement is more important than what specific type of exercise you choose.
Here are 40 ways to exercise without realizing it:
adult gymnastics
swing dancing
ultimate frisbee
martial arts
hiking (or even just walking!)
strength training.
You don’t have to exercise in a way that you hate.
Pick the kind of exercise that makes you come alive. Don’t have that form of exercise yet? Try new things!
Especially the stuff that doesn’t feel like exercise.
Nutrition is 90% of the battle, so the exercise can be something that you enjoy, that reminds you to make better food choices so your efforts don’t go to waste.
Desperate to lose weight faster? In addition to fixing your nutrition, try temptation bundling to get you to go to the gym.
Have a specific physique in mind (six pack, toned arms, a better butt, broader chest, etc.)? Build the body you want and get hooked on improvement: “I can’t wait to go to the gym and find out how much stronger I got today compared to last week.”
You are a video game character increasing your strength attribute with each training session.
7. They invest in their health like a 401(k).
When it comes down to our health, we can invest in three ways:
Time
Effort
Money
Healthy habit-building badasses know this and prioritize accordingly: they know investing in their health is the best decision they can make for the long term. So they decide what’s the correct balance of time, effort, and money to use for that investment.
Your health is an investment, just like your net worth:
If you want to devote your effort and time to building your own workouts, crafting your own meal plans, and keeping yourself accountable, that’s awesome! I did this for myself for years.
You might decide to outsource your programming to a coach, recruit an accountability partner, or buy into a program that creates your workouts and nutrition for you.
Either way, this is a months or years-long process that requires discipline! Every day you get a tiny bit better compounds upon the day before and builds you a big nest egg (read: a great physique) that will keep you wealthy (read: healthy) for decades and decades.
We’ve had thousands of people who read all the free content on Nerd Fitness for years with no results, because they never invested in themselves.
However the second they finally invested in themselves by hired a 1-on-1 coach, they took action and lost weight within months. The same is true for our self-paced course, The Nerd Fitness Academy or joined Rising Heroes (our monthly habit building adventure).
Why?
Because we VALUE what we pay for and invest in, making us more likely to actually do the damn thing. And we don’t value what we get for free or take for granted.
Unhealthy people don’t look at all of this stuff rationally – they complain about spending 99 cents on an iPhone app that could dramatically improve the quality of their life, and then gladly spend $6 on a sugary Starbucks beverage each morning without a second thought.
People email me all the time asking, “Why should I pay for a course when there is free information online?”
Welp, there has been free information online for decades – has it gotten you in shape yet? Maybe there’s a point to investing in yourself!
Many people – myself included – will gladly pay for somebody to cut through all of the noise and bad information to deliver ONLY the right information that they need to read or hear.
Your money, your time, and your effort are all limited resources: how you choose to spend each of them tells me a lot about your priorities.
Personally, I gladly pay hundreds of dollars every month for my own online fitness coach, and have done so since 2014.
Many probably think I’m crazy and that this is a waste of money (“just do your own workouts!”), but I feel that it’s the best money I spend every month, and it’s why I’ve prioritized it over other expenses.
I’m not just paying for a workout plan in an excel document.
I am paying for accountability from somebody who is checking in on me, expertise from a trained professional who can spot my weaknesses, and the knowledge that I’ll actually do the workout because I’m spending my hard-earned money on it.
And it got me the results that had eluded me for a decade.
It’s not what you say is a priority, it’s what you spend your time or money on that’s a priority.
Prioritize your money and time on the best stuff, even at the expense of other creature comforts, and you’re more likely to get in shape because you’ll actually care about it.
Answer these questions:
How much money do you spend on your health?
How much time and effort do you devote to creating your workouts or fine-tuning your nutrition?
Have you ever hired a coach or paid for an online course?
Do you buy apps or software that make your life easier, or do you try to get by with free stuff that you know you won’t actually use?
Sometimes spending money is the best investment you can make in yourself – because you KNOW that the free option is something you won’t stick with!
Although you have a free gym in your apartment complex, pay money to join a gym near work with fitness classes, because you hate working out alone and if you know people are counting on you to show up.
Pre-pay for 20 personal trainer sessions – if you’ve already paid for it and scheduled the workouts, you’ll actually GO.
On vacation and afraid you’ll backslide on all habits? Pay $20-30 to just go to a gym for one hour on vacation. Expensive? Not when you compare it to the weeks spent after the vacation trying to get back on track.
Decide what to sacrifice. It might mean you have to skip movies out or cancel your cable to prioritize a healthy meal service or buy more cookbooks so you never get bored with cooking new healthy meals.
Start thinking about this from a different perspective:
You’re not buying a fitness course or a trainer or an overpriced salad (that you would never make for yourself anyways).
You’re not just hiring a coach that prescribes you a workout that you could have found for free on the internet.
You’re investing in your future and purchasing accountability and expertise and momentum.
If you are looking for that expert guidance, accountability, and peace of mind that you’re training the right way for your goals, schedule a free consultation with Team NF to learn about our coaching program today!
8. Go All In On Momentum.
Remember that Isaac Newton guy?
“An object at rest tends to stay at rest, and an object in motion tends to stay in motion, unless acted on by another force.”
This is called “inertia,” and nothing could be more applicable when it comes to your health.
Unhealthy people have a LOT of inertia to overcome when they are trying to build healthy habits and get in shape:
Their body is used to sitting on a couch and eating junk food, which means the habit of exercise is agonizing. They have to convince themselves to get off the couch and go out into the wilderness. Eating vegetables and healthy food sucks compared to their normal comfort food.
But they use max effort to do these things a few times, and momentum starts to shift away from unhealthy and towards healthy.
And that’s when things fall apart.
Their kid gets sick or they work late and they miss a workout. Not the end of the world, right? But then it snows the next day, and one missed workout day becomes two, which becomes a month in the blink of an eye.
And they’re back to square one.
We are going to focus instead on cultivating and protecting momentum.
Perpetual health doesn’t happen in days, or with a few decisions. It takes months (or more likely, years) of consistent effort.
And shit happens.
Travel. Vacation. Kids. Work. Life.
It’s more than just “missing a workout.” It’s killing your momentum, and momentum is crucial to long term health.
So they focus on doing whatever they can to build momentum quickly and maintain it.
Momentum is crucial to being perpetually healthy, so protect it with your life.
So, focus on momentum until their default behavior is healthy and they can go on autopilot:
Exercise 4 days per week without fail. Yes, even on vacation. Yup, even if it’s only push-ups for 5 minutes.
Go for a morning walk every single day, even when it’s snowing.
Schedule workouts for early Saturday morning with a trainer so they know they can’t drink like a fish on Friday night.
Put your workouts in your calendar. Have your friend give $50 of your money to a cause you hate every time you miss a workout.
Because momentum.
Which means you should be following my favorite rule: never miss two in a row.
Two missed workouts quickly becomes 30 in the blink of an eye. Two bad meals quickly becomes a week of pizza and Chinese food.
So “never two in a row!” – never eat two bad meals in a row, never miss a workout two days in a row.
If you miss a workout, that next day is suddenly the most important workout of your life. Do whatever you need to do to get to the gym!
If you eat a bad meal, that’s fine! Enjoy it. But that next meal is suddenly the most important meal of your life! Do whatever you need to do to eat a dang vegetable!
9. Know Your Kryptonite.
I want to share an important quote from the late, great physicist Richard Feynman:
“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself – and you are the easiest person to fool.”
Unhealthy people might be aware of their Kryptonite, but they just hope and pray they have enough willpower to overcome it every day.
They eat a single Oreo, and then spend an hour thinking about cookies until they go eat a whole sleeve of Oreo cookies and then berate themselves for not having more willpower to avoid the temptation.
The truth is that we are all flawed superheroes.
Unhealthy people try to fix their flaws through sheer willpower and then feel deep shame when they can’t stop their behavior.
Permanently healthy people recognize their Kryptonite, and have a plan to avoid or protect against it:
If they know grains make them unhappy and bloated, they follow a Paleo diet and remove those foods completely so there’s no attempt to only eat half a serving of something.
If they know they struggle with portion control, then maybe they try skipping a meal with Intermittent Fasting.
They also ask the questions that get to the heart of their Kryptonite with regards to weight gain:
Maybe they eat when they’re bored.
Maybe they eat when they’re upset.
Maybe they eat when they’re nervous.
Maybe they eat when they’re watching TV.
They KNOW these things about themselves, and they know unhealthy food has been designed to be addictive.
So they plan for it!
Know thyself, my dear friend, and know what your triggers are.
We’re all flawed; plan for your flaws instead of trying to fight them. These triggers can be environmental or situational or emotional. Know it will happen, and build a Kryptonite-proof plan so you don’t have to worry about avoiding it.
Stop relying on motivation and willpower to tackle your Kryptonite.
Add accountability, punishments, and rewards into your life to stay on track and avoid your Kryptonite:
Check in with someone everyday to make sure they ate their vegetables.
Instruct your friend to donate your $50 to a politician you hate if you miss a workout check-in.
Reward yourself with new running shoes (a reward that rewards you back with more momentum) if you complete 20 runs in a single month.
Don’t go to certain bars or make sure you eat before going to a party, because you KNOW you’ll make a bad decision once you get there.
Build your Batcave (your environment) so it’s tougher to make unhealthy decisions and easier to make healthy ones.
Don’t go out to dinner at unhealthy restaurants, and schedule early workouts on Saturdays so you won’t drink yourself silly on Friday.
You don’t need to be flawless. You don’t need a perfect plan. What you do need is to have an honest conversation with yourself about things you need to avoid while you’re trying to make healthier choices.
That might be certain restaurants, certain aisles of the supermarket, or even certain people….
10. Surround Yourself with Supporters, Not Anchors
You are the average of the 5 people you associate most with.
Are they banana peels?
Or are they Lakitus?
Banana peels need no introduction: drive over one in Mario Kart and they’ll ruin a perfectly good race by crushing all of your momentum.
Compare that to Lakitu. If you’re not familiar, he’s the little guy on the cloud in Mario Kart that picks you up when you fall off the track and puts you back on course.
Unhealthy people get spun out all the time by the banana peels in their lives:
“What do you mean you don’t want to eat my lasagna anymore? You love my cooking.”
“Everybody is coming over to play D&D and eat pizza, you can’t miss this.”
“You don’t need to lose weight. You look fine. Live a little. Come on.”
Questions and comments like these subtly influence our behavior every day. Which is how you end up looking like and acting like the 5 people you associate most with.
Compare this to Lakitus: the people who want you to succeed, who hold you accountable and make you want to be better.
I recently asked our private men’s community from the Nerd Fitness Academy what the group meant to them.
This response jumped out at me:
You need to be surrounded by people that pick you up, not slow you down.
Healthy people know this, and they make the hard decisions about who is worthy of their time and attention.
They often fire their unhealthy friends and family – even if only temporarily – because they can’t be around negative influence as they’re trying to build momentum.
I’ve heard of tons of stories where unhealthy relationships have ended because a newly healthy individual was dating an unhealthy person who didn’t want them to be healthy and was actively sabotaging them.
Why does this happen? Because it’s often easier to drag other people down than it is to look honestly in the mirror and address one’s shortcomings or unhealthy.
If you are trying to get healthy, minimize your time around banana peels and MAXIMIZE your time with Lakitus.
You are influenced dramatically by the people around you whether you realize it or not. How are these people influencing you?
Take exercise:
Banana Peel: You want to exercise, but your friends are mad at you for skipping a Destiny 2 or World of Warcraft raid… you’re going to skip the workout.
Lakitu: You want to exercise, and your friends are at the gym counting on you for a team workout… you’re gonna get your ass to the gym!
Food:
Banana Peel: You are out to dinner with friends and they order lasagna, chicken fingers and fries, a large pizza, and enchiladas. You’ll likely order junk food to fit in, rather than order a salad and endure their scorn.
Lakitu: You are at a healthy restaurant and all 4 people order salads before you order – I’d bet $1000 you’re going to order something healthy too.
Mental health:
Banana Peel: You have 5 friends who never talk about anything serious: how are you supposed to tell them about your depression medication or that you’re thinking about going to see a therapist?
Lakitu: You have 5 friends who are not only accepting of your flaws, but share theirs too and have advice for you.
Decide who is worthy of your attention, and work on putting yourself in situations with people who make you want to be better.
This might mean a serious conversation with your significant other that “likes you more full-figured” if your goal is to be healthier and happier.
Or diving deep into deflection strategies if you have to constantly deal with unhealthy family members you can’t fire.
If they are worth your time, they will change their tune to be more supportive and helpful and less of an anchor.
And then start spending time around people who are stronger, healthier, happier, and more successful than you. And do what they do.
Use 20 seconds of courage to strike up a conversation with someone at the gym on how to do a certain exercise, and make plans to train together the next day.
Join a running club at work, or start a running club if one doesn’t exist yet.
If you don’t have people in real life cheering them on, find an online group that pushes them to be better.
How is 2020 Going to Be Different?
Phew! Okay, let’s see how many of these you can actually check off:
I have a Groot Mindset
I know my Big Why
I don’t go on diets. I adjust my nutrition.
I know what my food is made of.
I have blueprints and blocks.
I don’t have to exercise; I GET to.
I invest in my health like a 401(k).
I go all-in on momentum.
I know my Kryptonite.
I seek out Lakitus, not banana peels.
Give yourself a score, and let me know which ones are the toughest for you to follow through on.
If you checked 6 or fewer boxes, pick ONE of the habits and work on it for the next month. Internalize it. Make it part of your new identity. And then move onto the next one.
You’re overcoming inertia and building momentum!
And NEVER underestimate momentum. Once you build it, it can be hard to stop!
We have three great ways to start the ball rolling, right here in our own community. Pick the path that best aligns with your goals:
#1) Our 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program: a coaching program for busy people to help them make better food choices, stay accountable, and get healthier, permanently.
You can schedule a free call with our team so we can get to know you and see if our coaching program is right for you.
Our coaching program changes lives. Learn more here!
#2) The Nerd Fitness Academy – This self-paced online course has helped 50,000 people get results permanently.
There’s a 10-level nutrition system, boss battles, 20+ workouts, and the most supportive community in the galaxy!
Join the NF Academy! One payment, lifetime access.
#3) Join The Rebellion! We have a free email newsletter that we send out twice per week, full of tips and tricks to help you get healthy, get strong, and have fun doing so.
I’ll also send you tons of free guides that you can use to start leveling up your life too:
Download our free weight loss guide
THE NERD FITNESS DIET: 10 Levels to Change Your Life
Follow our 10-level nutrition system at your own pace
What you need to know about weight loss and healthy eating
3 Simple rules we follow every day to stay on target
Alright, now it’s your turn:
Agree with my 10 traits? Disagree?
Did I leave one off?
Leave that in the comments too!
-Steve
PS: Make sure you check out the rest of our Sustainable Weight Loss Content:
The 5 Rules of Weight Loss
Why Can’t I Lose Weight?
How to Lose Weight and Build Muscle at the Same Time
How to Start Eating Healthy (Without Giving up the Food You Love)
Which Diet is Right for Me?
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Gif source: Baby Groot, Groot, Busy Cat, Scrubs, Sesame Street, Confused Dog, Old School Driving, Sad Spider-Man
photo credit: Reiterlied Rex across the fields, Meeting Star Lord and Baby Groot, benjaminreay Big question mark, Mark Bonica Paleo Diet – Day 14, clement127 Chicken factory, post-apocalyptic research institute 3mm model, sualk61 Hamster wheel, evoo73 balance, hjl Kryptonite on Blue, Reiterlied Biking on the Lake
The Top 10 Keys to Losing Weight (How Can I Be Successful in Losing Weight?) published first on https://dietariouspage.tumblr.com/
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