#you cannot tell me giann and vyn do not have something going on

[theres-a-bea]

i feel like austin von hagen would have a sudden life-altering realisation when someone asks him if he would prefer to have a gay son or a thot daughter cos he has a gay son (giann) and a thot (son) daughter (marius)

[actualbird]

// spoilers for marius' sweet chapter event storyline

hey so i just finished playing thru the phase 2 story and

holy moly, that was good and made me so emotional jhvJKVKSHFVJSDF. once again, i cannot emphasize enough just how much i adore grief narratives and themes, and all the parallels to cyrus brown (also lol at how they changed his name from chris brown jHVSKJFVJSD) to marius' own experience with giann

but the whole brother parallel is obvious and clearly tackled within the story. what i wanna talk abt instead is how a very specific portion of this story made me realize smthing that marius has done over and over again across so many of his stories.

and thus

mini character analysis (or maybe character observation?): marius and emotional distancing

wc: 1.1k obligatory disclaimer that these are just my own thoughts and interpretations. contains spoilers of marius' sweet chapter event, his personal story 4, and several of his cards

anyhoo, the part of the sweet chapter event that piqued my interest and made my brain.

in the last part of the story, when talking about how timmy's experience with cyrus reminded him of his own life, marius opened up on his his father and giann were busy when he was younger and that made him feel like nobody cared (before giann noticed and played a more active role guiding and encouraging marius). but when marius is telling his story, mc notes that:

the wording here nagged at me, because it felt so familiar. and i realized that mc notes something similar in marius' personal story 4, after marius opens up after nearly dying as a child because he was locked in a basement freezer, which, sidenote, im never getting over how fucked up that is!! marius are yOU OKAY???

mc was also hella concerned as i was, and notes the manner in which marius tells her about this:

theres two more examples i want to bring up.

in SSR Sweet Wonders (marius' dreams of childhood card), marius opens up about how, due to the psychological impact of him blaming himself for his mother's death, he got really sick for a while as a child. mc once again notes on how he tells this story:

and last example, SSR All Through The Night (marius' xmas partyland card). i dont have a screenshot for that because what i wanna add from there is speckled across the entire story:

mc learns about a picture book marius had drawn when he was a child, one that told the story that parelleled his own journey to learning about why his mother died.

whats my point here? that on many moments where marius recalls and explains very heavy things on his past, theres two things that stuck out to me.

first, the calm, collected demeanor. and second, the concept of him telling a story, one that belongs to someone else, one that he has detached himself from.

this peaks my interest for two reasons.

the "I'm Totally Over It" vibes

marius minimizes the concern that mc could possibly feel by masking any negative emotion he could possibly show.

this is hugely in line with how he is as whole, because he likes to present himself as carefree, light, easy-going, teasing and playful and nothing gets to him. tho by virtue of playing thru mc's perspective, we know this isnt true because marius' story themes are also chock full of the facades and personas he needs to don to survive as a public figure. marius had to learn how to be a good actor, and he succeeds, and this is again is super aligned with how he masks negative emotion with the mask of "i am unaffected by these objectively messed up experiences i had! This Doesn't Bother Me. I'm Totally Over It."

i found this interesting in contrast to luke. who also masks his negative feelings, but leans toward less of "This Doesn't Bother Me" and more of "no need to worry about that because it's Not Important." it's emotional minimization that could possibly leave room for "yeah, this maybe does bother me, but me being bothered is nothing of value."

but marius circumvents that process at the beginning by simply acting that he isnt even bothered in the first place.

now, this is something that maybe artem and vyn do too, but my knowledge of stories for them isnt as encyclopedic as my knowledge on luke ajhvfasjkhfvajsh so i wouldnt be able to accurately get a read on how they do on this sphere.

idk it's just cool to me to see the subtle variations in how the boys deflect and omit their vulnerabilities!

but back to the concept of "I'm Totally Over It", one way marius achieves this calm collectedness is through the next recurring commonality

the "story" involving the character who is separate from the storyteller

marius speaks of past experiences like hes a detached narrator telling another person's story. he even does this in an near-literal way with his picture book in SSR All Through The Night.

[EDIT TO ADD ONE MORE EXAMPLE of near-literal storytelling and distancing that was later pointed out by milkyway!anon: marius also does this in his very first character pv introduction, ever since the beginning

how he frames all this in his pv is pretty clearly in a playful storybook/bedtime story kinda way, both in the visual execution and writing. i always adored his character pv for being so different and cute and playful, but now in light of how The Rest Of What We Know and what i mentioned in the rest of this analysis, it's now way more interesting and...sad

i use this screenshot in particular detaching himself blatantly. while this part of the pv does this in regards to how the public sees him as a symbol instead of a being (and thus distancing who he is from like, his inherent Being A Person), marius also does it to himself by virtue of telling the story and walking away from it, albeit cutely, as he is a cat

heres the story. hes the narrator, and the character within the story is him but not him as well.]

in doing this, he once again seemingly relieves himself of any "bother" or negative emotions that he could experience, because all stuff that happened? it's not him. it's a character in a story, one that is not him and specifically separate from him because he is the one telling the story.

i fear im not making sense now (tho tbh when am i ever making sense jHVJSHDVFJ) but let me try and explain it through this post (which no longer exists on ops blog so i have to link my rb of it huhu) that shows a collection of quotes that hit the nail on the head, regarding this concept.

when you tell a story, as the storyteller, you are ultimately the one in control. part of being in control means that, if you know how to tell your story, you can ultimately lay all the details down while also leaving it, disconnecting from it, and distancing from it.

distance, imo, is the most fitting word to me, for how marius goes about his heavier experiences.

he distances from the emotions he felt and could possibly still be feeling, he distances from the fact that it was him who went through it, and he distances from mc's worry that could happen as a response.

of course, since mc is the best and an angel, she always takes the time to reassure marius that shes here for him and that hes not alone, that shes with him every step of the way (both him as the "character" he is Not in his stories and the person he Is in the present)

still, it's really fascinating on a characterization level that distancing and detaching is marius' go-to method. hes already somebody that has so many layers of facades and "different" selves, and here he is once more creating another self:

one that didnt go through all of what he went through.

[mariuscomehome]

//minor spoilers for marius character story chapter 2!!! and luke's chapter 2 as well oops

i was going to reblog this onto the moron post i made in the early hours of this morning but it quickly grew way beyond my original intentions, so im annexing it. i promise there's a funny conclusion just give it a little time !! why are there so many words ;-;

that post came about because i was thinking about nxx group dynamics, particularly marius (BIG SURPRISE LOL) and how from what we know of him he doesnt seem to have many close friends. if any. his schedule is incredibly packed from school, running pax, nxx investigations, and his own art, and we know he isn't getting enough sleep, (yknow what zak made a great post analyzing the boys schedules here ya go) to the point that he considers giving up art to make time for his other responsibilities. there's no way he has a social life - i'm sure he did, but it would have been the first thing to go, to make room for everything else in his life. every mention of him attending a social event, iirc, has been directly related to some kind of business venture or obligation, unless he's hanging out with mc, who seems to be the only person he's able (or willing) to make that kind of time for.

which is something he has in common with luke, it seems. lol.

IM PUTTING IN A READMORE THIS POST IS TOO DANG LONG LOL

back to marius. i need to do some more research on the timeline, but my understanding is that he was studying overseas and got called back when giann went missing, one or two years ago? to run pax. (which is the official story, more likely to me is that it was completely voluntary as he wanted to look into his brother's disappearance - was he involved with the nxx before then? had he already met artem and vyn, or no? if anyone knows the answers to these questions please please tell me). so in all likelihood he's left his entire social circle in florence, come back to hang out in an office all day, and then go sit in a meeting with vyn, his tutor, and artem, who is eight years older than him. i'm sure normally they get along just fine, but when does marius get to be a kid? when does he mess around with people his own age? he doesnt.

enter mc, who is much closer to him in age, and who he doesn't hesitate to joke around with. she must be a huge relief to him. and he met her right before being accused of murder. can he not rest??

pivot. we're talking about luke now. it goes without saying that luke is, has been, and will be going through some pretty heavy shit, and mc is simultaneously a huge reprieve from that and a bludgeon that he uses to destroy himself emotionally at every single opportunity. the whiplash is insane he's like "haha this is great i'm in love with you and you are my best friend and i am going to die forever changing the trajectory of your life, hurting you and that's unforgivable and i should stay away from you but i can't because i'm a terrible selfish person- haha what's that? no i'm fine! how are you?" i hate him.

yeah so then it's like when does luke get a break? huh? we know he has aaron, who is really good for him and helping him work through his stuff, but his stuff is irreparably tied to his complex feelings about mc and his own mortality etc, etc, and also aaron is literally his doctor. every single one of their conversations is like "luke, try harder" "no. im gonna die soon." "you will with that attitude i will FIX YOU MYSELF, STOP BEING LIKE THIS." "..... still got that expiry date tho" like even the person who is arguably the best for luke's mental state, actually understands what is going on with him and is actively trying to help him at every opportunity to the point of literally robbing him and sending him on a.. scavenger hunt.... aaron what are you doing

luke literally cannot escape his issues. marius cannot escape his work. i think they should, (after spending enough time around each other to kind of figure each other out, become immune to the other's specific brand of annoying, stop being jealous at how effortlessly close the other is to mc- look it might take a little time) be friends, and find that kind of respite in each other, where their other obligations just aren't even relevant and they can just kind of let the facade fall away and do whatever. they're closer in age and they both need more time to be young and impulsive and have other people who they can do that with.

i think they should be stupid young men who do stupid things. they roughhouse. they both like... extreme sports? i think? they drink together. marius, who knows the perfect amount of wine to drink to get just tipsy enough at a work function. luke, who knows where to buy the best, cheapest beer. swapping beverages and immediately getting piss drunk and calling mc together to tell her that shes missing out, she should have come with them, boo, and its four in the morning and she only picks up because she woke up early to add six pages to a report thats due on artems desk at seven, and she still pretends to get annoyed at them but shes really just happy to see them getting along.

vyn, luke, and marius being left alone in the nxx meeting room for some reason. by the end of it, the table is broken clean in two. luke and marius both blame vyn, who asserts that he never touched that table, but doesn't directly disagree with them and offers to buy a new one. (HE'S SO OMINOUS....)

the new table has wheels so when marius and mc get to a meeting early, he tries to lean on it while he's flirting and ends up on his ass. he sprawls out on the floor and tries to keep going as though this was totally intentional (because mc is laughing and its worth it), but of course luke walks in and he gets soooo embarrassed.

let them be morons!!!

[miharus-fics]

A Truth or a Lie

Notes:

This may include spoilers?

This is not canon, it is a fic written by me with some aspects based on what is provided in game

If you are looking for a part of the fic in game and you cannot find it, then it was written by me.

The start of the fic is based on the timeline before episode 3 of the main chapter

Chapter 3

Giann was the first to wake up. Rubbing his eyes, he sat up and shifted to the side of the bed to stabilize himself as his eyes finally focused on the bright lights shining from above. He looked around for a bit, thinking this was a hospital of sorts. The clean, distinct smell of latex gloves hovered around, and people were pushing and pulling trolleys of boxes, gloves, sanitizer and beakers. Beakers? Last time he checked, you don’t use beakers in hospitals, right? He stood up, walked to the door, and pulled the handle down. Locked. Suddenly he felt a sharp pang in his back that was too familiar, and he recalled everything that had happened before. Where was this room though? It wasn’t a hospital that’s for sure, and he couldn’t tell how long he had been out for. There were no windows, no clocks, and the corridor outside looked exactly the same as the room: sterile and lifeless except for the people in white coats and masks. 

Meanwhile at NXX headquarters, Marius was panicking out of his mind. “THAT IDIOT. WHY WOULD HE GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT HIS GPS TRACKER? WHY WOULD HE GO AT SUCH A TIME ANYWAYS?” Nobody could calm Marius down as he frantically looked through his brother’s phone for something related to him going missing for 16 hours. 

“When did Giann leave to go to that warehouse?” someone other than Marius finally spoke.

“Vyn, he left last night at 9 pm. That's when he sent me the message saying he was going out. It’s 1pm now, so it’s been 16 hours, and he didn’t even bring his GPS tracker. If you’re questioning if I’m this panicked, are you stupid? OF COURSE I AM. WHO KNOWS WHERE HE IS NOW?” Marius replied in a snappy tone.

“Come on now Marius, don’t diss at me like that. Did Giann receive any messages regarding the mission?” Marius looked through the recent notifications: news headlines about Estelle’s death, reminders about the PAX board meeting for tomorrow, and suddenly a notification of an email from Neil, “Regarding the Mission”. The second that notification was clicked, there was a message saying the email was already deleted.

“I found an email that could be useful but it’s auto-destructed itself. I need to be able to recover it, and quickly, before all traces of it are gone.” And with that, Marius called his assistant, Vincent, and asked for him to retrieve the email that was just deleted. “Right away sir.” Marius excused himself and left the room after that, “I’m going to find my brother, no matter what I do.”

While Giann has been awake for quite some time now, and is trying to figure out where he is, Neil has just woken up. Unlike Giann, who could not recall getting shot with a tranquilizer dart the night before, Neil remembered it instantly. He hurriedly stood up, eyesight still blurry, and rushed towards the door. Locked. Just as he suspected. He slumped back onto the bed he had just gotten out of, and let his eyesight focus before doing anything else. Everything was so bright, so, lifeless. The place where the tranquilizer dart was shot started hurting again, so he sat up, taking pressure off his back. He lifted his sleeve up, and discovered a tag. “0007. Do not remove this wristband under any circumstance unless instructed. Doing so will result in consequences.” Giann also noticed a wristband on his right arm that was identical to Neil’s, except his number was 0006.

At that moment, someone opened the door of both their rooms. Each worker was wearing a white coat, latex gloves, a mask and had a checklist with a smaller trolley of different types of what seemed to be medication. “If you cooperate with us there is nothing to fear, we will not harm you. All we require is some information and for you to simply test something.” Each worker pushed their trolleys aside and out of site, walked in and closed the door. 

“It would be in your best interest to notify us about your investigation team, and everything about it.” This was the first sentence of both workers in both rooms. “If you wish to not tell us anything, that is also acceptable. However, you will become a test subject of ours. Should you choose to tell us everything, we shall set you free.” The lab workers knew that as long as one of the two explained everything in full detail, that was enough. Even if one of them didn’t explain anything, they would still benefit as long as the other one did. Learning about the NXX investigation team and having a new test subject, two birds, one stone. 

Giann kept his mouth shut, and only shook his head signalling the refusal of their request. He knew that he would disappoint the other team members if he spilled the beans just for his freedom. Neil on the other hand appeared calm and composed, but internally he was in such distress that he gave away all he knew about NXX. Of course nobody in the NXX team knew everything for the safety of the organization, so Neil’s statement was partially incomplete. But as it was enough information for the worker, his freedom was returned to him.

Due to Giann’s refusal to give out information, he was forced into being a test subject, and was being walked out the door. At the same time, Neil was walking out of his room towards the door, where the trolleys were. And that’s when it hit the two of them. A container of X034. The very thing that other workers were modifying before. When Neil walked out alone and saw Giann being accompanied by another worker and leading him towards another room, he knew he had made the wrong choice.

[actualbird]

Happy birthday, Zak! I hope you had a great day! I only realised just how late it is now dgdkgfg the day's almost over. I wasn't expecting a new chapter of shovel talk fic to come today, but I'm not complaining!

Starting strong with the angst I see. It would've been more surprising if Giann didn't end up with PTSD after all the shit he's been through. And unfortunately PTSD doesn't really care if you've returned to safety or not.

I cannot believe Luke would rather a vase be thrown at him than Vyn's muffins. How good are these muffins???? I wanna try one...

I love Luke's idea of improving security being turn a formerly-normal room into something fit for a top quality near-unbreakable secret base. The tranquiliser dart in particular got me. Luke this is a hospital room cgxgjdgj

I see Giann has realised the duality of Luke now. It really is such an interesting aspect of him.

I really wonder how long the title Luke calls Giann would get if he didn't tell Luke to relax. My mind is just conjuring comically long titles that take nearly a full minute to finish.

Oh, nice Lost Gold reference! Extremely cute scenario too, of course Marius would do that. Man, Luke thinking about Marius' hands being important since he's an artist makes me melt a little. It's only a few moments before Luke realised he was in love, but he's still thinking about the little things like that. I don't know, it's just nice.

When I read this I did not expect to get smacked in the face with character traits that resonate with me xjgckhc but I really feel Luke on this one. Asking for help is so damn difficult, how do people do it?

FGKDIFGOC LUKE NOOO GIANN'S HAD ENOUGH FROM VYN AHAHAH!!! At this point I just anticipate the jokes, I can't wait to see how Artem shoots himself in the foot too. Poor Giann, the vagueness of all the jokes honestly probably makes it worse.

As always, I loved this chapter and by extension the character analysis that comes with this fic. There's something about seeing character analysis in the form of a fic that hits different from a regular one, though both are excellent and I'll gladly read any character analysis. Again, happy birthday and thank you so much for this chapter! I look forward to seeing what happens next! On an unrelated note, would you prefer I send fic comments on Tumblr or ao3 in the future? Now that I've sent a few on ao3 I've found that I don't mind either platform, so I'm fine with whichever you're more comfortable with!

🌌

MILKYYYWAAYYYYYY :DDDDDDD!!! nice to see u again!!! i say this as if i havent been constantly rereading ur recent comments on ao3 while the ask was closed, but still sjfgsvdj

thank u for the bday wishes! and thank you for reading ch3 of "standard operating procedure (x4 speedrun)" ヽ(´∇｀)ﾉ

i was super excited about this chapter and quite happy w how it turned out so hrHGRHHH THIS COMMENT!! AN ABSOLUTE TREAT FOR MY SOUL!!!!

in order:

making characters go "no! my brain having trauma responses/mental health issues doesnt make sense! so i simply will not look at it! because TOTALLY a sensible reaction" is my guilty catharsis pleasure in fic jahsvkfhjasvkfa

luke Values Good Snacks!!! and vyn's muffins are the GOODEST. i didnt mention what kind of muffins they were in the fic, but post-fic-humously, i decree them as pistachio w choco chips. not overwhelmingly sweet and the nuts add a rlly nice texture that adds more nuance to the total muffin mouthfeel experience

i adore luke so much but YEA HES SO ?????? like, i think we, as the audience, r desensitized cuz we've been w him for so long. but i rmr when i first played thru That Scene in perso story 2 and Those Scenes in lost gold, i was like HOLY......FUCK.......WHAT?? tried my best to channel tht into giann

and also didnt have to try at all to make luke a hopeless bumbling rambler. just occurred to me that among the boys, i make luke and artem the bumbling ramblers, but luke is the one who goes into long loooong kilometric run-on sentences and loses track of what he originally says, meanwhile artem starts sentences. stops them. starts another. Oh God, Hes Fucking Up, Isnt He? He's GETTING A BAD GRADE AT TALKING!!!

the whole "marius fucks up chopping wood" during lost gold scenario was actually a fic idea i wanted to fully write waaaaaayyy back when lost gold was still running!! i never got around to it, but im glad i was able to use it here. it was wholly bcuz that whole resource collection thing put marius as 2nd most proficient at collecting wood and i read that to mean as "oh his pre-installed inferiority complex aint gonna do so well w that! lemme make it tender romantic" dgjhdvgks

luke: it's hard to ask for help me, the person writing this and making him say that: damn me too

tho jhvkJGVJH while that was 50% projecting (IT'S FUN IT'S FREE ) it is just another one of luke's many quirks in canon that make me wanna strangle him and hug him. so much of his lying is cuz hes scared, he doesnt wanna ask for help, he wants to keep ppl happy by keeping his bright and invincible sunshine boy image untarnished by things like fear and guilt and sadness. but hes trying to be better in spite of all of those, and that matters. and giann, right now, needs to see admitting pain matters

on the "sir" joke: luke, if giann hadnt stopped his nervous ramble, wouldve totally accidentally let it slip that it actually is a sex thing. tho his answer as it is in the fic is vague enough to NOT be construed like that, but alas, giann got his mind primed by vyn. so now giann is hypervigilant over anything that can be even ADJACENT-LY a sex reference. thanks a lot VYN....

deadass, this fic didnt start out w me wanting to make each chapter a mini-analysis microcosm of issues of respective-nxx-polycule-member contrasted w giann's own worries and anxieties, but then it just started happening and i went w the flow. and im glad i did! it's a lot of fun :DDD

and as for where to comment, i dont mind whether it's ao3 or here either!! ive started tagging comments i get via asks so i dont lose them, so whichever channel strikes ur fancy is no problem for me :D

all in all, hhGHGRHRGHH, THANK U SO MUCH FOR THIS LOVELY COMMENT!!!!! im rlly glad u enjoyed this chapter huhu 🥺